#also i need everyone to know that i've literally NEVER considered him apart of the big 3 in my head so whenever i see merch or ppl referring

[jeonqkooks]

our beloved summer (05) | jjk

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn't as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader

genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, drinking, swearing, crying, Sad Boy JK Hours ??, valentino!yoongi bc that should be a whole warning 🥵 even though he's there and not really there for literally 2 seconds lol

rating: PG-15

word count: 9.5k

note: this is the most stressed out i've ever been while trying to post a fic 💀 argh anyway, 2 obs updates in one month ?? is this even real life !! consider this a (lunar) new year's present from me to everyone who celebrates it and also to everyone who doesn't !! idk i'm bad at notes and i'm delirious so that's it 😗

series masterpost / main playlist ; interactive playlist ; moodboards ; taglist

— as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

Hey, I feel like if we gave it one night You'd hate me less and make it alright Just wish that we could fight now I'd hold you on the comedown

Rockland - Gracie Abrams

One thing about you, is that you don’t do well with change.

After you moved out of the first apartment you got as an adult, you constantly went back to your old neighborhood even though it wasn’t close to your new place. You kept walking those familiar streets, kept shopping at the stores where the workers knew your name. At night, you still pictured yourself living there, with all of your furniture and clothes and decorations that you’ve already emptied from those old bones. Then, you imagined what the new tenant was like, if they could feel the lingering love you had for that apartment. You wondered if they were putting the coffee table you left behind to good use, or if they thought that it looked out of place among all of their belongings and had already thrown it away.

Jimin called you weird for that, but he didn’t know that you always leave a piece of yourself everywhere you go. The biggest pieces, you think, are hidden somewhere in a closet in your childhood bedroom where your mother still lives, and in the tiny space of your dorm room where you spent most of your college years.

It took you more than half a year to finally start considering your new apartment home. 

Because you hate change. Change is scary. Change is walking into a pitch-black tunnel with no flashlight, not knowing what awaits you in the darkness and not knowing if you’ll make it to the other side.

That isn’t to say that change is inherently bad. You’ve experienced good changes before. Arguably, Jungkook was a good change when he went from someone you couldn’t tolerate, to the love of your life back then. You were happy with him, so blissfully happy that for a while, you forgot what it was like to experience any other emotion.

Yoongi has always been your friend. It didn’t take you two very long to become well acquainted with one another and from there, develop a good friendship. You have never thought of him as anything other than a friend. Even when he was your boss, he still felt more like a friend.

As you sit next to him in a bar too empty for your liking – but seems right for a Tuesday night – you feel a palpable shift between the two of you.

When your phone vibrates with a notification, you glance at it only to exhale annoyedly – unclear whether this frustration is directed toward yourself, or the person blowing up your mobile; maybe it’s both. That’s the nth message that Jungkook has sent you in the last couple of hours, and you don’t need to read it to know that it’s probably another iteration of the same apology. How many different ways are there to say “Hey, I’m sorry for fucking the receptionist and then having the balls to tell you that you’re the unprofessional one when you didn’t even do anything.” Apparently a lot, because the texts just keep coming.  

“Jungkook again?” Yoongi asks from beside you. Fuck. You’ve mostly been silently moping since he brought you here, too enmeshed in your own web of muddled thoughts that you forgot he’s someone you need to make amends with too. 

You give him a nod but still continue to stare at the drink in front of you, trying to disentangle your Yoongi thoughts from your Jungkook ones. 

Taking a sip of your drink, your face manages to keep a grimace at bay as the liquid ambushes your tastebuds. You don’t like whiskey, but you need something to hate more than yourself tonight. When you set the glass down, the alcohol sloshes around like a compact sea of your own amber-colored miseries.

“I’m sorry,” you say finally. “This is unfair to you. I don’t know what came over me. I just want you to know that this isn’t me responding to…” To your confession.

“If you’re about to say what I think you’re about to say, then I have to stop you right now.”

“Yoongi…”

“I’m not saying that you can’t turn me down, although I hope you don’t do that,” he chuckles. “I’m just saying that whatever you do, whether you give me a chance or reject me, I want you to decide after you’ve really thought about it, about me.”

You can’t say no to that; it’s only fair. Yoongi knows what he deserves. You haven’t looked at him in any other way, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t. Didn’t you say it yourself, that maybe you should start putting yourself out there? Well, here is someone coming to you before you even have to look anywhere. You may not have expected Yoongi, but then, you didn’t expect Jungkook either.

Yoongi could be the good change you need.

Nevertheless, you want to tell him you’re sorry for the other night. It should be fairly simple, but the words have a hard time dislodging themselves from your throat.

“I’m sorry about what I said that night at dinner… and what I did…”

Yoongi props an elbow on the bar top and leans forward to rest his chin in the palm of his hand, his eyes glimmering with mischief. “Remind me what it is that you did again?”

“Come on, I’m serious.” You are grateful that he’s trying to keep it light, though.

“I’m serious too. I seem to have forgotten.”

“Yoongi…”

“Yes, Y/N?”

You sigh, shutting your eyes momentarily. Recalling the moment makes you flush with embarrassment, bringing a splash of color to your cheeks which Yoongi always seems to enjoy.

In a quiet voice, you say, “I’m sorry for throwing salt at you…”

“You threw salt at me!” He tips his head back, laughing freely. The bartender spares you two a glance at the sudden disruption. “You shouldn’t go around throwing salt at people!”

“Stop laughing! I’m trying to apologize.” You punch his arm out of habit and for a second there, you forget that your relationship with Yoongi isn’t the same anymore. Changed forever.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop. Jeez, why are you so violent?” He rubs the spot where you hit him, muttering under his breath something about him bruising like a peach. “Apology accepted. No hard feelings.”

“Okay, good. But I still want you to know that if you were expecting anything from tonight…”

Yoongi ruffles your hair with a scoff. “I’m not that dense. Of course I’m not expecting anything.” When you peer at him with curious and unsure eyes, he continues, “Y/N, earlier you looked like you wanted to set the place on fire and Jungkook looked like he was about to shit himself. Tonight, I’m just a friend who’s here for you if you want to vent. We’re just two buddies having a drink, that’s all.”

He makes it sound so simple, while your brain is already going haywire.

Despite yourself, you chuckle at his words. You tell him how much you appreciate it, though you don’t really tell him anything about what happened this afternoon, just that Jungkook said some stuff that pissed you off. You can’t tell him exactly what Jungkook did to anger you without alluding to the confession for which Yoongi is letting you off the hook for now.

“Do you wanna come with me tomorrow?” Yoongi asks.

“Come with you where?”

“I have a shoot with Valentino in the morning.”

“You have a photoshoot not even 12 hours from now and you’re here drinking? Aren’t you gonna wake up puffy or something?”

“Yeah, my manager would kill me if she knows what I’m doing,” he replies casually, like his manager has a telepathic connection with him and she can sense him mocking her over a drink. When people see Agust D, they tend to only see the icy exterior that he dons. That tough, maybe even callous, image has sustained him in the entertainment industry for years. For many, Agust D seems intimidating and unapproachable. That’s how you felt when you first met him too. But after a while, you got to see Min Yoongi, and Min Yoongi is nothing if not warm and tender-hearted, even if he’s a little shit sometimes. At least, that’s what he has always been like to you. “She thinks I’m getting my beauty sleep right now.”

You lightly snort at that, telling him, “Yeah, you need it.”

When you start to yawn, Yoongi calls a driver to drop you off at your place. The ride is mostly silent, because you’re tired and because you’re not sure what to say to Yoongi in the presence of a stranger taking you home. The car pulls up to your building soon enough, and before you can step out and tell him goodnight, he offers to walk you up. He takes the elevator with you to your floor, how gallant but unnecessary. When you reach your door, you wonder whether you should invite him in for a glass of water or something. If this was a week – or even just a couple of days – earlier, you would’ve had no reason to hesitate.  He doesn’t ask if he can come in but instead takes one of your hands.

“I see you’ve been giving yourself some TLC. They’re a lot better now,” he comments, smoothing his thumb over your skin. You’ve been diligent with your hand care routine since he gave you that lotion. It feels nice, and it smells amazing. Besides, your hands were starting to hurt anyway.

Silence descends upon the two of you as you become aware of Yoongi touching you, and the weight of the answer you’ve yet to give him. He must feel you stiffen, because he lets you go and smiles.

“Relax, princess. Get some sleep, you’re the one who needs it. I said I’ll let you think about it, didn’t I? Stop stressing so much.” His index finger taps your cheek playfully, so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. The wink that he tacks on makes you roll your eyes. You watch Yoongi make his way to the elevator, step in and press the button for the ground floor. He maintains eye contact with you as he waits for the doors to shut, and you don’t think you’ve really noticed before how Yoongi carries himself with such confidence and poise even when he’s off-camera. That’s just the kind of person he is and it’s… kind of attractive.

You can’t even fish around in your bag for your keys, you just stand there because he keeps your gaze trained on him. His eyes are alluring even under the shitty lighting of your building’s elevator. Before the lift closes, his voice carries over from the metal box to your door, and you don’t know if it’s the echo of his low timbre in the empty hallway that makes you shiver, or if it’s just Yoongi.

“I’ve waited this long, what’s a little more time?”

One week. This is a record for you and Taehyung.

You’re still baffled by his attitude that night, and no one has cleared anything up for you. He was right, but that doesn’t mean you were wrong. You stand by your initial reaction. Could anyone really blame you for that? In your defense, who the fuck could believe that a worldclass megastar has romantic feelings for them? Not to mention that the person whom the megastar in question has feelings for is you! You, the pathetic girl who can’t seem to get over her ex. Yoongi had to sit through a whole hour of you drunkenly crying over Jungkook, for fuck’s sake!

That really wasn’t your best moment, but it’s not like you even remember it anyway.

Your phone buzzes to life with Jimin’s face taking over the whole screen – a photo of your hand squishing his full cheeks until his lips jut out. “Hey Minnie,” you greet him once you’ve swiped to accept the call.

“Y/N,” he says, sounding out of breath. “Where are you?”

“I’m at home. Where are you? Are you doing pull-ups again? You know you practically hyperventilate when you do more than 3.”

“Shut up, I’m at dance practice. But listen, have you talked to Tae yet?”

You purse your lips at the mention of his name. “No. We’re supposed to go grocery shopping tomorrow like we always do, but I guess that won’t be happening.”

Jimin hums, like he’s in thought. He doesn’t speak again until his breathing has calmed. “Well, can you go to his place right now?”

“Why?”

“He’s sick and I’m kind of worried about him. He hasn’t answered my messages.”

You frown. “Tae’s sick?”

“Yeah, he must’ve caught a cold the other day. Could you go over there and check on him? I would go but I can’t leave for another few hours.”

You agree to go, because of course you would. Even if you’re stubborn and hot-headed, no amount of pettiness could make you ignore your friends especially when they’re unwell and need somebody. Especially when it’s Taehyung who’s been there for you so many times.

You stay on the call with Jimin for another ten whole minutes even after you have said you would go, because he keeps droning on and on about how shitty Taehyung looked yesterday.

Before you go to your best friend’s apartment, you stop by your regular diner to pick up some comfort food for him, and the pharmacy for some medicine. During the rest of the drive there, you start getting a little worried. When Taehyung takes care of a sick you or Jimin, he practically goes into full mama bear mode, making sure that you’re as comfortable as humanly possible and not leaving your side until you’re a functional human being again. But when it comes to his own wellbeing, Taehyung doesn’t seem to be that concerned. It’s not that he neglects his health, but you wish that he would show himself the same kindness that he shows you.

It feels weird to use the spare key that you have to his place, considering that you aren’t really on speaking terms. In hindsight, it feels so childish. How old are you to still be pulling the silent treatment on each other? 

You ring the doorbell and wait a couple minutes until you hear Taehyung shuffling to get the door from the other side. When it swings open, he tenses up a bit, not expecting to see you at all. His hair is damp; he must’ve just gotten out of the shower. Taehyung doesn’t look as bad as Jimin described though. Just some dark circles under his eyes.

You raise a hand and wave. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he parrots somewhat awkwardly. It’s understandable; neither of you thought you’d be the one to break the ice. “What are you doing here?”

Bringing your other hand up, you show him the bag you’re holding. “Brought you soup and cold meds. Jimin said you’re sick.”

His brows knit together in confusion. “Thanks…” he says slowly, “but I’m not sick?”

“But Jimin said you caught a cold and you’ve been wheezing like a dying fisherman and–” You purse your lips, catching onto what’s really happening here. “He tricked me, didn’t he?”

Park Jimin…

Taehyung tuts under his breath, shaking his head at the ground. “Mhmm.”

“He could go into acting. He sounded really worried on the phone, like you were on the verge of death.”

“No, yeah, he really could,” Taehyung agrees. “Jimin is bizarrely good at lying sometimes. We should be worried about that.”

You laugh, and that makes him feel like the air is relaxed enough for him to laugh too. It only lasts a few seconds before you’re left staring at each other again. You hate it. You really, really hate it.

You thought that the universe sent you a sign, gave you a reason to come over and make nice with your best friend. Turns out that “the universe” is really just Park Jimin and his scheming tongue. But you’re already here, and you have to talk to him eventually. Jimin might have lied, but you would’ve just waited for Taehyung to reach out first to offer an olive branch anyway.

“Well, can I come in?” you ask. It’s weird that you even have to ask.

“Of course,” he says absentmindedly, stepping to one side to let you in. He takes the bag from your hand and brings it to the kitchen while you kick off your shoes and change into the pair of fuzzy bear slippers that he keeps for you here.

You want to tell him what happened as much as you hate admitting that you were wrong.

“Have you eaten?” you ask, a sad attempt at delaying what will inevitably come.

“No,” comes his simple reply.

“Should we eat? I bought enough for two people.”

“But I’m not sick.”

“You don’t have to be sick to eat chicken noodle soup.”

Taehyung looks at you like the thought has genuinely never crossed his mind. “Interesting… Okay, then.”

You put on an episode of your favorite show while he heats up the food. When you both sit down to eat, it’s mostly silent while the TV continues to play. The most you and Taehyung thing that you exchange in these 30 minutes is him saying soup tastes like shit when you’re not actually sick, and you telling him to stop being such a hater. When you both finish, Taehyung rinses the bowls and puts them in his dishwasher. 

Before you came over, you thought you would only be making him eat, take his meds, and sit there for a bit while he sleeps. If you had known this would happen, you would’ve prepared yourself for it.

But then again, you were tricked into coming.

Ugh. Just do it. You are so freaking dramatic.

“Well,” you start, keeping your voice light and trying not to stand around like you’re out of place in his apartment, “you were right.”

“About what?” Taehyung asks, wiping his hands on a towel. 

“About Yoongi and… all that.”

“Oh.” His expression is one you aren’t too familiar with. There’s surprise – yes, that you’re making peace with him – in the way his brows slightly lift, but there’s something else too. Something odd that you can’t quite put a finger on, and it makes you slightly uneasy because you don’t like it when you can’t read Taehyung. 

He’s pretty quick to mask it, and it makes you even more conscious that there’s something he isn’t telling you. Of course, this feeling is miniscule, practically a seed compared to the blooming garden of nerves that the events of these past few days have dumped upon you, so you can’t categorize it as a high-level priority to nitpick. You need to deal with your main concerns first, aka what to do about Yoongi and Jungkook, both individually and together, and then you can begin to inspect what’s going on with Taehyung.

It all sounds so easy in theory.

Taehyung goes to the couch and you wordlessly follow. You sit down when he pats the spot next to him – your spot. “How did you come to that conclusion?” he asks. “You know I don’t get to hear you tell me I’m right very often.”

Because you aren’t right very often, is what you almost say. It’s light and playful, and you both know it would diffuse the leftover tension, but you chuck the words aside in favor of something more serious. There isn’t that much to catch him up on, but there is a lot to unpack from the few things that did transpire over the last few days.

You give him a recap of what happened with Yoongi and subsequently what happened with Jungkook. Those are the two things weighing the most on your mind. You haven’t really processed anything; blame it on Yoongi for telling you that you have time to think things through.

One thing you love about Taehyung is that he doesn’t tell you what to do, but rather helps you sort things out on your own. Come to think of it, these conversations often take place on his couch. He’s like your own personal therapist at this point.

“Can you give me a hug?” You probably can’t ask a licensed therapist to do this, though.

He softens even more with a smile. Opening his arms, he says, “C’mere.”

You shuffle over to sink into his embrace. You sigh as you practically melt in his hold. Taehyung is a little bony, but hugging him feels exactly like hugging a giant teddy bear. He’s soft, and always knows how to hold you just tight enough, how to stroke your hair the way you like, how to be just the comforting presence you need amidst a whirlwind of anxious thoughts. And he smells like jasmine, though that might be because you keep deliberately gifting him colognes with scents that you like.

With your chin perched on his shoulder, you feel yourself start to relax, walls coming down if only briefly.

“You okay?” Taehyung asks after a moment.

You’re suddenly aware that you’re crying. You don’t know how it started, but now that the waterworks have begun, it seems like there’s no stopping. “No,” you sniffle. “Can I just…”

You feel him exhale. “Of course.”

Taehyung is one of the few people – oh who are you kidding? He might be the only one – whom you feel comfortable enough around to let yourself cry to your heart’s content. 

You’ve been feeling it for days now, even before all that shit happened. Every cell in your body is constantly vibrating, with anxiety, with guilt, with a heaviness that sinks into your bones. You’re shaking even when your hands are perfectly still. People, memories, thoughts you keep only to yourself – they all phase through you, not giving you a single moment to catch your breath.

When it rains, it pours.

Everything is weighing you down like someone has tied you to an anchor and pushed you into the unrelenting, unforgiving water. Grief is an ocean and you don’t know how to swim. Your job, your friends, the unbridled mess that you call a love life… Everything is changing and you’re the same. You’re different, but somehow still the same. Deep down, you’re still that scared little girl who doesn’t know what to make of the world. Your knees are bleeding but your mother is telling you not to cry. Why can’t you cry when you’re hurting? Every minute feels like a lifetime but every day feels like it’s going by in two seconds. Things are moving so fast. Things are moving too slow. You can’t remember the last time you actually cried. Really cried. Bawled. Sobbed. Let out all the dirt until you can see your roots again. Until you originate back to being a blank canvas. Sometimes it feels like that’s the only way that can help you see things more clearly. Your vision might blur for a while but afterward, it’ll have washed everything away. At least a little bit. So you can get your footing again.

You miss clarity, or the illusion that you have any control over your life. You miss looking out the window and have something to look forward to, even on overcast days where the sun can’t be bothered to bring you light. You miss hearing your heart beat a melody that doesn’t ache, doesn’t rattle you to the core. Pieces of you have been held together by nothing but tape and glue for the longest time. Eventually, they’ll deteriorate, and you’ll go back to being skin and bones always on the verge of falling apart.

Some of your best writing was never meant for anybody to hear. The best lines that you’ve scribbled down are diary entries disguised as music, as poetry. They’re results of your lowest and weakest moments, it just happens that there was a journal lying around and you thought that if you had to keep all that sadness inside for a second longer, you would burst. Those immortalized lines represent your heartbreak, your self-hatred, your sorrow and your grief. They come from a lifetime of unshed tears, from the burden of having a heart that feels too much but is always silenced. Words are your escape when time rushes through you like a child skipping stones. Everything hurts all the time but no one knows and you don’t bother explaining to anyone how you wish you could be a different person living a different life because it seems like the universe has made a mistake with this one. How it feels like a divine power has miscalculated and misread your false stoicism as resilience. Just because a person carries it well doesn’t mean they have to carry it at all. 

Sometimes you like to muse that if anyone could catch a glimpse of what it’s like inside, they’d think, Wow. How are you holding all of that weight? How are you so silent through it all? How do you live with an ache so allconsuming that I can hardly see you underneath it?

It’s the only way you know how to express yourself. But even then, when you’re screaming and burning, you’re still quiet. Those words are your heart on paper, raw and bleeding all over the place, covered in a million cracks that no one can see or even pay enough attention to notice. They’re there whether anybody likes it or not. They’re right there, red ink staining white pages, begging in a voice small like a child asking for love. Please see me. I’m here. Nobody taught me how to swim. Please see me.

But nobody does. They walk past you every day. They sit with you, smile at you and laugh with you. They leave you. They stay. They break your heart. Even when they love you, nobody sees you.

You love Taehyung, but you don’t think he understands. He knows you better than almost everyone in this world and he tries to help you in any way he can, but at the end of the day, maybe this isn’t something that a person can understand even if they want to. It’s worse, to realize that perhaps it isn’t because people don’t care enough to see it, but that no matter how hard they try, they can’t.

The only person who has ever come the closest is Jungkook, with his big doe eyes that always see through you and see into you. Sometimes, you think there might be parts of you that he could see but you still don’t. He knew things about yourself that you never want anybody to find out, and he loved you anyway. He went the lengths that nobody ever did because they all gave up after a while. Someone once told you that you felt like a fortress wall impossible to climb, that nobody had the time, the patience to wait for you. In other words, you weren’t worth it. Not worthless, just not worth the effort it would take to break down your walls.

But Jungkook showed up and tried, every day. The one person that you never saw coming. You might have resisted at first, but then you became his biggest supporter. You were rooting for him to know you, how fucked up is that? You were right there. He was so close.

And then he stopped.

You suppose that’s what makes everything awful now – to know that you should let go of him when he’s the only person who ever came that close.

You don’t know how long Taehyung has had to sit here, comforting you like this, but at one point, your stomach starts growling and you feel your best friend trying to hold back a giggle. Jungkook might have mastered the art of loving you, but Taehyung is an expert at comforting you.

“Shut up.” You wipe away the dampness on your cheeks with the back of your hand and push Taehyung off. “Crying makes me hungry.”

“Should I order us fried chicken then?”

“And soju. Get some soju too.”

Jimin is a strategic trickster. There was no dance practice. He just ran around his apartment ten times until his breathing turned ragged, which if you ask anyone, was completely unnecessary. He��s very extra, but at least it was effective.

After he got off the phone with you, Jimin immediately went to your shared phone tracker app – today was one of those times where it proves to be the most useful. He stared at the little circle with a silly photo of you as it moved from your address to Taehyung’s with a couple pit stops along the way. Jimin giggled to himself when he saw your circle meet Taehyung’s, because at that point you two must have realized already that you’d been swindled. Of course, there was always a chance of you leaving the moment you figured out you had come all that way for no reason at all, but when Jimin saw after a couple of hours that the two circles are still next to each other, he knew that you and Taehyung made up already.

Jimin sends a message to your group chat, a simple hello but Taehyung knows what he’s trying to get at. The text thread shared by the three of you lights up with a selfie of you and Taehyung each holding a chicken drumstick and wearing a content smile. In the background, there are some soju bottles, a box of chicken and some fries.

Jimin doesn’t question why your eyes look a little puffier than usual. He just replies with a smiley emoji and a thumbs up. The triumph of his mini victory almost makes him forget that there’s someone else in his home.

Jungkook peeks over Jimin’s shoulder to peek at his phone, curious to see what’s making his friend so delighted. When he sees you and Taehyung on Jimin’s screen, he sinks again, heart sitting in the pit of his stomach. The words you told him just the day before ring loud in his ears, as if they haven’t been stuck on his mind, playing on a loop. 

You’re such a fucking hypocrite.

You weren’t wrong, but man, did that feel like a punch in the gut.

He goes to sit across from Jimin, taking note of every single sound that notifies his friend of a new message. For the first time, he feels like an outsider, like he’s intruding on a private moment.

“I fucked up,” Jungkook admits quietly, cracking open a can of beer and taking a long sip. It makes Jimin look up and put away his phone. “With Y/N,” Jungkook clarifies.

“Yeah, I’ve been informed. That was the stupidest thing you’ve done in a while.”

“In a while? When was the last time I did something stupid?”

Jimin doesn’t even have to think about it. He answers right away, “When you left her.”

Jungkook hums, unclear whether the noise is meant in agreement or just in acknowledgment. His tongue darts out to swipe across his dry lips before he breathes out. “I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t replied to any of my texts. I feel like a fucking asshole.”

“From what I’ve been told, you were a fucking asshole,” Jimin says lightly, his words emphasized with a chuckle like he finds Jungkook’s predicament so funny. “I can’t believe you would say that shit about Yoongi to her right after he confessed.”

Cue a pregnant pause, and a pair of doe eyes staring right into Jimin’s skull, unable to decipher if what he’s hearing is a joke or not.

“Yoongi– what?”

Jimin slaps himself internally. Shit. It slipped, he swears. “Nothing,” he sighs, but he knows it wouldn’t be dropped so easily.

“No. Not nothing,” Jungkook sits up straight and puts his chilled beer down on the table, missing the coaster entirely just to piss off his friend. “The fuck do you mean Yoongi confessed? Confessed what?”

Jimin sighs with pursed lips. “What else? What do you think he confessed to?”

Jungkook gulps, and blinks a few times. When? Why? Was that the reason you looked so distraught yesterday before all that shit went down between you and him? Who confesses to someone in a freaking break room?

Then Jungkook remembers that you and Yoongi went out for drinks last night. What did he say? What did you say? His stomach churns at the thought of something… happening between the two of you.

Jimin takes in his friend’s dumbfounded expression. “Why are you shocked?” he asks. “I thought you expected something like this. Isn’t it why you spewed all that crap about Yoongi flirting with her?”

“Fuck, I don’t know! It feels like the guy is out to get me for some goddamn reason. I thought he was just playing with Y/N to piss me off!”

Jimin shakes his head, looking thoughtful. “Yoongi wouldn’t do that to her.”

“How would you know?”

“Because when they first worked together, from the things that she told us, the stuff that Yoongi would do for her, Taehyung and I thought he liked her back then too,” Jimin says. “This has nothing to do with you.”

It sucks. It fucking sucks.

“Should I go over there?” Jungkook asks, a newfound sense of urgency in his voice that borderlines panic. He’s acting like this fact that Jimin just dumped upon him is unraveling just as this conversation is taking place, but in reality, he’s one of the last people to know. 

“And tell her what? If you’ve said sorry a million times and she hasn’t responded, then saying it one more time won’t change anything.”

“What am I supposed to do when I see her tomorrow?”

“Nothing? Are you incapable of leaving things alone? If she wants to ignore you, let her ignore you. If she wants to yell at you, let her yell at you. If she wants nothing to do with you, let her do that too. Why do you keep making things worse for yourself?”

Jungkook runs a frustrated hand through his hair. “So your solution is for me to just let her hate me?”

Jimin levels him with a look, which just annoys him even more. “You had no problem with that before.”

“If you’re not gonna help me, should I ask Taehyung then?”

“Don’t go to Tae about this.”

“Why not?”

“Just don’t,” Jimin snaps, and it makes Jungkook falter for a few seconds before the petulance in him clouds his better judgment.

“Why? He’s her best friend. They’re practically joined at the hip. He’s gotta be able to help me with this.”

“You really want to go to Taehyung for advice on how to suck up to your ex-girlfriend? He’s the most protective of her. What makes you think he would be willing to help you?”

“He’s my friend too, isn’t he? Shouldn’t he want to help all of us be civil with each other?”

“Yeah, he’s your friend. I’m your friend and Y/N’s too. And you’re right, all of us should get along, but we shouldn’t be put in a situation where we’d have to try. You did that to us and nothing is going to be the same again. I don’t even know why you did it. You kept your mouth shut for years no matter how hard me and Taehyung tried to get it out of you. Now you suddenly can’t make peace with the consequences of your actions? Now you want us to help you win over the person you fucked over, who is also our closest friend? I don’t get you, JK. I’m starting to regret not letting Taehyung punch you back then.”

Jungkook stares at his friend. Is this shock that he’s feeling? He still remembers that night, because he doesn’t forget a lot of things. He can’t forget it. He had never seen Taehyung – who is usually so calm and cordial – get that angry before. His friend, who is a saint of a man, felt so much rage toward Jungkook that Jimin had to physically hold him back.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Jimin asks. “You’re not used to me not being on your side all the time?”

He knows that. The only person who seems to be on Jungkook’s side is himself, and sometimes he isn’t sure if this is even true at all. What you told him at the dance studio’s opening party, what Jimin is telling him now, and even the things that Taehyung shouted at him a couple of years back – it’s all true. He knows these things already, but it feels different to hear them from other people. You’re all right; nobody is overreacting. To an outsider, it might come across as harsh, but to anyone who knows anything, it’s rightfully deserved.

Nevertheless, Jungkook admits quietly, “Actually, yeah.”

Jimin sighs, because he knows that his friend has no malicious intent toward you or toward anyone. Jimin knows that Jungkook doesn’t mean to hurt you, any more than he already has. Jungkook is even more crazed now that Yoongi is somehow a factor in all of this. It’s the insecurities bubbling at the surface. He’s panicking and he can’t even see straight. This is just his own stupid take on fight or flight. It was flight for a while, and now apparently it’s not. Jimin doesn’t really understand it, but he gets that this is his friend’s way of dealing with shit. “I tried, man. I did. But it’s really, really hard to have your back on this.”

Jungkook is well aware of it too – that to leave you alone is probably the best thing he can do at this point. Everything he says or does seems to backfire; instead of pulling you closer, all he manages to do is push you further away and make you hate him more than you already do. 

But in a way, isn’t that a good thing? Better to have you hate him than be indifferent toward him. After all, there’s a thin line between love and hate. You yourself blurred this line long ago. You can do it again, can’t you?

Jungkook sits there for a while longer to finish his beer, even though he doesn’t have anything else to say. It’s clear what Jimin’s stance on this is, and no matter what he says, it’s unlikely that anyone will help him try and get back in your good graces. 

Before he leaves, Jimin says something that makes him nauseous. Makes him want to fucking cry and kick something and speed over to your apartment just so you could reassure Jungkook that he’s still the one you hate the most. That all of your feelings, whether they’re good or bad, are still reserved for him and only him.

It isn’t what his best friend should tell him, but it’s what a good friend would say. It's not about Jungkook, it's not about Jimin or Taehyung or anyone else. It's about you, who has been hurt the most here.

“If she wants to choose Yoongi, let her do that too.”

[10:48] Yoongi: Attachment: 2 Images.

[10:49] Yoongi: got yelled at for showing up puffy yesterday

You tap on the notifications and the photos pop up within seconds. It’s Yoongi at his Valentino shoot probably. He never used to send you stuff like this, nor asked you to come watch him at his photoshoots. Why would he? 

You zoom in on his face to inspect if he really was puffy, but you can’t really tell. Maybe if you were a makeup artist with a sharper eye, you would see it. But under your regular-person gaze, everything seemed fine. Yoongi looked handsome in the pictures.

[10:55] You: you don’t look puffy to me

[10:57] Yoongi: so how do i look to you? ;)

[10:58] You: the fits look good

[11:01] Yoongi: i wasn’t asking about the fits

[11:05] You: and i’m telling you the fits look good anyway

[11:07] Yoongi: what about the model?

[11:10] You: are you fishing for compliments?

[11:11] Yoongi: what if i am?

[11:14] You: the model looks Not Puffy

[11:16] Yoongi: you’re no fun ;(

You consider your next reply for a moment. It doesn’t seem like that big a deal. You want to send it. It seems innocent enough, and it’s the truth. A simple praise can’t hurt, right?

Your fingertips tingle just typing the words out. You’re suddenly so jittery for some reason as your thumb hovers over the arrow symbol that would whoosh away your message. It's a good kind of jittery. You might even say that you’re excited.

[11:22] You: the model looks good too

You put your phone face-down on the table, not even checking when it vibrates with Yoongi’s response to your latest text. It’s so weird that you’re feeling like this, maybe because it’s been so long since someone has shown an actual interest in you? Or is it because it’s Yoongi? If it were anyone else, would you still react the same?

It’s weird, but not necessarily weird in a bad way. You just aren’t used to it, or it’s been such a long time that you forgot what it feels like to be… wanted? You don’t think about it often but it’s true, you’ve missed the thrill of being chased.

“So… word on the street is you have a secret song.”

Seokjin’s voice makes you glance up, wondering who he could be talking to when the only people in the room beside him are you and Jungkook – whom you haven’t spoken a word to all morning despite him glancing not-so-subtly at you every two seconds. When you got here this morning, there was already a chai latte on the table with your name on it. The order was too specific for it to be Seokjin, but you didn’t say anything.

“The street?” you ponder for a moment, knowing exactly who the culprit is. “Is that what Yoongi calls himself these days? He’s been here for what? A couple weeks? And he’s already blabbed to you.”

“So it’s true?” Seokjin leans back in his chair, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Yoongi said it’s real good. Top shelf kinda stuff. And you know he never says things like that.”

It’s not a song, or at least that isn’t what you would call it. Maybe more like an essay composed of sentences that go together like misfit puzzle pieces. You don’t think you would ever rework it and pitch it to anyone because it’s yours and it’s personal. You would never tell anyone about it, and Yoongi wouldn’t have come to know about its existence if he hadn’t stumbled across it in your journal by accident.

“Don’t listen to Yoongi,” you say. “At this point, I feel like you should know that Yoongi tends to exaggerate sometimes.”

“He never seems to be exaggerating when it comes to you,” Seokjin muses. You almost blush, thinking about what else Yoongi could’ve told Seokjin. He doesn’t notice the split second in which your cheeks redden just the slightest, or he doesn’t mind it enough to comment. “What’s the title?”

You shrug, saying nothing.

“You can’t even tell me the title? Damn, Y/N. Are you the CIA?”

“I’m not telling you because there is no title. There’s not even a song, just something I go back to sometimes. It’s mostly just word vomit. I promise you, it’s nothing.”

“Tell that to Yoongi. He told me whoever’s gonna get that song is one hell of a lucky bastard.”

Again, what is it with the praise? You know working with Yoongi and being associated with his last album gave your career a boost, but you weren’t aware that he was talking about you with other people. Maybe he only does it with Seokjin because they’re close, but still, it makes you itch with curiosity.

“By any chance are you gonna give it to… me?” Seokjin asks, and seems to immediately hear how flawed it sounds. You stare at him blankly, trying to bite back an amused smile, and even Jungkook turns his head to look too. Seokjin’s ears turn red in an instant. “Okay, that came out kinda wrong. I’m really, really sorry. But you know what I mean.”

You continue to stare at him until his face is so flushed, you swear he’s like a tomato that’s about to burst. You can see why Yoongi likes to tease people this way. “Okay, boss,” you acquiesce with a laugh, relieving Seokjin of the fear that he genuinely offended you. “If the song ever gets to see the light of day, I’ll make sure to ask you to lend your voice.”

“Ah, so you admit it’s a song.” He grins brightly at your empty promise, making you roll your eyes half-heartedly. He goes back to his normal shade in a minute, no longer ridiculously red like a cartoon character. “What’s it about?”

You ponder his question silently, missing the way Jungkook takes this moment to glance at you. When you look up again, he’s already averting his gaze.

What is it about? That’s a question that you yourself have never really considered. It’s about everything and it’s about nothing. It’s love, it’s loss, it’s the infinite in-between. You give Seokjin an answer that won’t satisfy him, but it’s the truth.

“I haven’t figured it out yet. I’ll let you know when I do.”

He tuts at you, like he was expecting the obscurity from you anyway. “You’re really not beating the CIA allegations,” he says.

You flip him the bird, which only compels him to stick out his tongue and make a face at you. Then, he diverts his attention to the person who hasn’t contributed anything this whole time.

“JK, why are you so quiet today? We’re not gonna eat you.”

Jungkook mutters something to Seokjin that you don’t quite catch because the words come out of his mouth like an inarticulate mess, which is so unlike him. He sounds jumpy, like he’s too nervous to speak in front of you. Seokjin’s eyes land on you again as he mouths a confused What?

You just shrug, and Seokjin has to take Jungkook’s weird response as him having an off day. The man checks his phone, lets out a quiet whine, then addresses the both of you. “I have a shoot this afternoon so you two will have to hold down the fort, by the way.”

You come back from your solo lunch date to an empty studio.

Well, almost empty. There’s something new that wasn’t there before.

Another chai latte waiting for you equates to another apology hoping to be acknowledged. The paper cup is still hot when your hand reaches out to touch it. You sink into your chair with a sigh. You could laugh at yourself for feeling so nostalgic at the sight of a beverage in the middle of a workday.

Jungkook walks in about 15 minutes later, and the air turns suffocating at his arrival. He feels it too, you know he does. 

You chew on your bottom lip until it starts to hurt, bite down on it until it almost bleeds.

“Jungkook,” you say, catching his attention. It looks like he didn’t expect you to initiate any conversation. It’s not like you want to, but you have to. You keep having to do this, because he just wouldn’t listen. “Stop buying me drinks.”

It translates to: Stop saying sorry. Stop trying to make things right. Stop doing things you think would make me happy. Stop making me have the same argument with you over and over again.

“Because you wouldn’t hear me out,” he says, and proceeds to repeat the one thing that you’re sick of hearing from him. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” you verbalize it. “If it’s not about work, I don’t think it’s necessary for me to hear it, Jungkook. I don’t want to hear it.”

“You do need to hear it. Because I can’t function properly until you know how sorry I am.”

“Well, that sounds like a you problem.”

“Y/N.”

“What?”

“Hear me out,” he says, sounding a little firmer now but you still catch the crack in his voice. “Please.”

Jungkook must take the way you hesitate to shut down him as reluctant permission for him to keep going, because he stands up and moves to a spot closer to you. Not close enough that he could reach out and touch you, but enough for you to see the tiny mole under his bottom lip and how it quivers when he looks at you.

Fuck. You’re letting him win again.

“Okay, fine. Talk then. I’m listening. You’re sorry, right? You keep saying you’re sorry for everything, but what exactly is everything? What are you even sorry about? Are you sorry about annoying me right now, or are you sorry about being a prick the other day, or are you sorry about leaving me five years ago? When did you become this pathetic, Jungkook?”

“W–what?”

“When did you become so pathetic?” you repeat. “If you had to come back, couldn’t you come back as someone better? Someone who’s sure of himself and has a good life, not this… person who has to grovel at my feet for forgiveness. Even when you were at your lowest, you weren’t like this. I don’t even know who this Jungkook is. What happened to you?”

If you think that you saw him at his lowest, then you’re wrong. He didn’t hit rock bottom until he’d left you and had to live with what he chose to do. 

“You’re right. I am pathetic,” Jungkook agrees, dropping his gaze to the floor like he’s ashamed. “But fuck, I’m trying to be worthy of you.”

It’s a truth that he doesn’t want to face, doesn’t want to admit how very real it is until you’ve just said it and it fucking guts him. He knows his friends pity him sometimes, even if they don’t want to view him as someone to be pitied. No matter how much of a front he puts up, he knows that Jimin and Taehyung see right through him. They won’t say it to his face, and for that Jungkook has gotten away with avoiding this fact for so long. But to hear it from you, to watch you spell it out for him, it hurts.

He wants to mention Yoongi, but he doesn’t know how to phrase it in a way that wouldn’t immediately aggravate you. After all, bringing up Yoongi is what got him into this mess, isn’t it?

Regardless, he wants to ask you a question that he already knows the answer to. What does Yoongi have that he doesn’t? The answer is: A lot of things. Yoongi has a lot of things that Jungkook doesn’t, one of them being the self-assurance to not run away when it comes to you and what you deserve.

He wants to ask, but he doesn’t, because he’s scared it might drive you right into Yoongi’s arms and Jungkook can’t compete with a man like that.

He can barely keep up even with just himself in the running.

There’s a big question mark that pops up in your head, along with a slight sting in your eyes that you blink away. You’ve never seen Jungkook like this before. This whole time, was it not only you who was miserable?

He looks so small that it breaks your heart. For once, you aren’t sad for yourself but you’re sad for him. It never occurred to you that he could’ve been lonely too, having to keep all of this inside because you know he didn’t share it with anyone else. You catch a glimpse of him again, like you did when you were making ramen together in your kitchen while a storm was raging outside. In a lot of ways, Jungkook is still that kid stuck in an adult’s body, lost and scared and loved you. It feels like you could’ve seen him in the same ocean while you were just trying to keep your head above water.

The sight of him, so vulnerable and astray, placates you. Your resolve crumbles, but not like it was ever that strong to begin with. You suppose you could see why he was being a jerk to you. Even though it doesn’t justify what he said, you understand just a little bit where he was coming from. You find yourself forgiving him for some of it. It’s part of letting things go, right?

But no matter how much you want to reach out and comfort him, you know you shouldn’t. What are you supposed to do in a situation like this? You’re confused and it feels like you two have been going around in a circle, looking for a solution that doesn’t seem to exist.

Coexisting doesn’t work. Telling him to leave things alone doesn’t work. What else can you do?

Why do you have to resolve a problem that isn’t even yours? Jungkook says he’s trying, but his efforts keep making your life harder and harder. You practically blew up in his face, then apologized for being harsh even though you were fully aware that you had nothing to be sorry for. You called him a hypocrite and now you’re ready to cave just because he’s on the verge of shedding a few tears. This constant back and forth between your anger and your reluctance to see that anger through is possibly the thing that’s hindering you.

You can’t – and shouldn’t – accommodate him anymore. You have to put your foot down, no matter how difficult it is with the lingering ghost of your past love.

Because you’re always weak when it comes to Jungkook.

Because you’re still holding onto something.

Because Jungkook will always be the first person that you have ever loved, and those four years meant a lot to you even if they didn’t to him. Maybe it’s even fair to say that you might never truly get over it, and that doesn’t have to be such a terrible thing. Maybe he was never the person you thought he was, or maybe you never meant as much to him as he did to you. Somehow, that’s okay. It’s manageable because it’s routine at this point. You’ve internalized it. The years have taught you that sometimes, things get shitty just because they can and you just have to deal with it.

The intrinsic pain of the human experience. C’est la vie.

What a world this is.

Is it bad that you’re thinking about Yoongi in a moment like this?

Yoongi could be your future, if you’d let him.

You should let him. Maybe this is your answer right here. 

“Jungkook, let’s stop.” He looks at you with crestfallen eyes, but you have to keep going. The only way out is through. “Let’s stop. You want me to listen to you, but you haven’t been listening to me. I don’t have the strength to keep this up anymore, and I have told you that repeatedly but you wouldn’t listen. Jungkook, move on.”

You pretend not to notice how his lip trembles even more. “What if I don’t want to move on?”

This feels like a conversation that should’ve happened ages ago. Five years ago, you should’ve screamed at him, cried with him, held each other as you both fell apart. He stripped you of that right and gave you no say at all.

“You’re being awfully selfish,” you tell him, but in your head, you’re already thinking about what his words actually mean. 

“Have you completely written me off then? Is there nothing at all that I can do? Because I would do anything if you asked. You know that.”

Your throat is so dry that it feels like you’re swallowing sand. You dig everything back up again until you find the memory of that day hidden at the very bottom.

It’s terrible. He’s making you relive it again.

“I remember calling for you and you didn’t even look back,” you say, but your voice breaks toward the end. “I can’t trust you anymore.”

Jungkook just stares at you then, and for the longest time, neither of you say anything. This is the first time that you two have addressed the problem, properly addressed it instead of half-heartedly sweeping it under the rug like you tried to do. 

You breathe in, he breathes out. You hate the way you feel, and you resent the way he looks like he’s breaking down just as badly. There are tears in those eyes, tears that Jungkook doesn’t let spill because he defiantly wipes them away with the back of his hand after a moment. 

When he speaks next, you want the world to end.

“Then I’ll earn your trust back. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I will.”

— all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted january 21, 2023]

#jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook x you #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagines #bts x reader #bts x you #bts fluff #bts angst #bts smut #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bangtanbathhouse #btscarnivalnet #btshoneyhive #clubzerooclock #52hertz #fic: our beloved summer

[annierosaart]

So I recently found your blog and you Exusiai theory and I'm in love with it, I really hope it becomes canon, is just so good and Exu is one of my fav charas I need more stuff with her on it on the main game.

Anyways, I've been playing on and off AK for the past yrs and I'm def lost when it comes to most of the story since it's a lot to catch up to, so can you explain more in-depth the Flammetta/Exusiai ship or at least relationship/parallelisms?

OH BOY CAN I

After the confirmation that Exusiai isn't connected to the other Sankta in Il Siracusano, it explained her entire character.

As I've explained in the post I made about her being disconnected originally, it always stood out to me how Exusiai specifically was treated differently from other Sankta in Laterano during her childhood and teenage years, despite the fact that she's supposedly a bog standard Sankta. From her being constantly mistreated and ditched not just by Mostima but by her sister also (see her Oprec 1),

To the fact she was constantly blamed for things that were legitimate accidents, the kind of stuff that happens on purpose in Laterano every single day, to the point where her word was doubted and she was accused of being a Sarkaz, it paints an extremely lonely and alienating picture of her.

It's especially odd that her own family and supposed childhood friend would do shit like that to her, given the fact that at the time, they should've known that it was upsetting for her to go through that, seeing as the Empathy would've made it hard for her to hide that. (oprec 1) And it'd be extremely out of character for Lemuen to do things like that, considering her intense love for her sister...

Combined with being grilled for lying by her superiors, which again, would be difficult for a Sankta connected to the Empathy... You see what I'm getting at?

She isn't connected to other Sankta. Never has been. From the start, her files and dialogue mention her being an exception amongst Sankta, unique, different. Guide Ahead showed us they're all similar to her in personality, however, so what exactly sets her apart? It's that.

Exusiai has multiple lines, in CoB, IL Siracusano, and her dialogues that show how deeply lonely she actually is, and how ACTUALLY empathetic she is; real empathy, not Sankta Empathy.

She threw herself into the Rat King's sandstorm for Mostima and Bison, she always remembered to keep an eye on him and keep him up to date, taking time to ease his worries and doubts. She always looks out for everyone else in PL, canonically being broke from doing so all the time. She risked her life to save a woman that was being harassed in IL Siracusano, despite not knowing her at all.

This isn't normal Sankta behavior. Sankta, even the ones at RI, are generally somewhat cold or indifferent to non Sankta. Arene, Ambriel, Executor... The only exception is Enforcer, who we know isn't connected as well.

Exusiai grew up socially and emotionally isolated, enough that no one ever gave her closure for the Andoain incident, despite the fact she has literal PTSD from it (oprec 1), no one ever got along with her really, to the point where her classmates celebrated her leaving to her face...

She hides it in front of others, but several lines show her actually being very tired, serious, and depressed, especially when they bring up a personality quirk of hers.

Promotion 2 - "Leader... No, savior, I pledge to this gun in my hand to protect you until the very end of this world." Talk after Trust Increase 2 - "If you ever run into an angel with black horns oozing ominous vibes, please tell her for me: I've never forgotten her." Idle - "...Lord, is this someone we gotta save too?"

All of which parallels stuff with Fiammetta:

From the offset, Fiammetta is by default isolated from her peers, being a Liberi in Laterano.

She grew up inherently different from a majority of people there, and as we see in Guide Ahead, though she tries to hide it, especially from other Liberi, she developed a complex over it.

It's especially evident when she snaps at Mostima, ranting about the Empathy between Sankta, complaining about how alienating it is to her, how it hurts her to not be understood. It's further elaborated on in her module's text, where we see her struggling to handle a gun that Sankta her age were already handling with ease, clearly frustrated enough by the fact that her mentor had to come and offer an alternative.

Beyond that, like Exusiai puts on a front but just wants people to tell her things for once, who's always been kept in the dark about not just events but also what other Sankta are feeling, Fiammetta is constantly isolated from her peers' feelings and motivations, ignored and brushed aside. It's constant in Guide Ahead, how her input and presence are secondary to whatever asinine conversation the Sankta are having, even in the middle of a crisis.

Her wants and needs are secondary, she's constantly forced to put up with titles she despises and finds humiliating, mockeries of her while she tries to do her job seriously...

Just like how Exusiai is consistently made fun of for any mistake she makes, even when others have a hand in that mistake. By PL itself no less. She laughs it off, but in exchanges with Bison, she clearly shows how bothered she is by being shrugged off or treated with a lack of care. She wants to be understood and taken seriously. But it never happens.

Fiammetta is exactly the same, constantly chasing a desire to be taken seriously as a member of the Notarial Hall, to have her feelings heard. But it never happens.

As a Liberi, she's inherently not a part of the connection all other Sankta have (with exceptions). They can't understand her. Nor do they bother to. It infuriates her, but what else can she do? What else is there to do? From birth, she was different from them, not the same as them, her weapons are a constant reminder... As is Exusiai's lack of connection to others an unconscious reminder to her.

And it all culminates in the Lock and Key incident. Both of them have been deeply traumatized by it, and whilst Fiammetta is at least more in the know than Exusiai, neither are ever offered the closure they need, the closure that would help them move on. Despite both being close to the people involved, they're kept in the dark.

Instead, they're made to stew in their feelings, made to feel left out on purpose one way or another, never allowed the proper right to live past that event. Both are obsessed with that day. Both desperately want to know what happened, what set it all off, WHY it happened.

But they never find out. They're forced to keep living in the dark while their friends and family are whiling, creating purpose beyond that day.

They're both women who were hurt by an incident that they were never allowed closure on, despite involving people they loved. They're both women who have been isolated and alienated from everyone else, becoming extremely lonely and distant all the while. Exusiai doesn't let anyone in, doesn't open up. Texas says as much.

Exusiai is my polar opposite. She seems to get along fine with anyone, but lets very few people close to her. —Texas

Fiammetta won't let anyone else in. Bottles her feelings until they explode. Because no one will hear anyway. No one will care. So why should she?

They're hurt. They're scarred and tired of being the only ones left out of the loop. Of the inside joke. Of the joy and folly every other Sankta is privy to.

They both value choices, independence, yet are bound to their past traumas. That they'll face one day. They both try to move on, but they can't. Exusiai still chases Mostima whenever she appears for answers she won't give, Fiammetta still chases Andoain for a revenge that won't quell her.

They're both obsessed with getting closure that the world's denied them.

And with Exusiai's surprisingly deeply kind nature, genuinely empathetic and sympathetic to others, to hear them out, and Fiammetta's insistence on confronting things head on, on not moving past them, and her deep down caring interior... They could heal a lot with each other. Love without compromise.

Beyond these thematic and story parallels, the two have a lot of miscellaneous ones too.

Their talents complement each other, Exusiai covers Fiammetta's health drain, allowing her to fight with more strength for longer.

Their physical scores are complementary, Exusiai covering Fiammetta's weakness in tactical acumen, and Fiammetta covering her lack of physical endurance respectively

Their descriptions are both about their dedication and willpower to see things through to the end.

Obsessions with protecting people (Exusiai's codename actually comes from Powers, the Angel class said to protect people and prevent evils from happening)

Hell, Exusiai's third skin replaces her blessing effects with a blue glow, complementary to Fia's red, and blue feathers. Sankta don't have feathers, so...

Their record medal descriptions match.

And finally...

Fiammetta is usually tolerant of Mostima's personality, even going along with it at times. But the moment Exusiai is involved, she becomes extremely impatient, and protective. Much more so than she logically should be at times.

With the context that she's been watching Mostima and essentially bugged her to hear in on her, she had to witness her leading Exusiai on all night, giving her false hope for an answer that wouldn't come.

Only for her to caress her sleeping and drunk form, as if they were still that close. With the knowledge they both parallel each other a ton, she might see herself in her...

Fiammetta's face shows way more contempt than expected, and her dialogue following this shows way less tolerance for Mostima, in spite of the fact that Exusiai is sound asleep and wouldn't hear them.

In Mostima's own record, Fia suddenly cares about Exusiai's feelings, about it being fair or not to her...

And firmly says she won't let Exusiai ever get wrapped up in the Lock and Key business, her face becoming more serious. Again, extremely protective of someone that at best, she knew as an acquaintance when they were both younger.

Fiammetta cares about Exusiai to an unnatural degree, hinting at either shared history that's not brought up, or that she relates to her, and she can't ignore that.

And if Exusiai talked to Fiammetta now, she'd likely find that same relatability, that same pain they've both been enduring, that they cope with in different ways.

Exusiai drowns herself in a carefree 'mask', drinks until she's blackout drunk often, is enough of a workaholic to fall asleep at PL's couch and compulsively spends money on others.

Fiammetta destroys herself with work, with fighting, burning herself out as she fires off attacks, obsessing and following Mostima around for the slimmest chance that Andoain might show up again...

They both need healing. Healing only the other could provide.

Fiammetta's friends/partners/exes are condescending towards her, don't try to truly get why this plagues her, even after Guide Ahead. PL can't help Exusiai, not only do they have their own problems, they can't relate at all; Texas has a mountain of baggage to work through herself.

They'd find solace, comfort in one another... Both things they desperately need.

#arknights #exusiai #exusiai arknights #arknights exusiai #fiammetta #fiammetta arknights #arknights fiammetta #fiaexu #meta post #my ramblings

[pixaho]

Rude Boys With Girlfriends

♥ Pairing | Rude Boys x Girlfriends ♥ AU? No |

♥ enjoy! Also I have a discord server now for fellow H&L writers who want to promote, share ideas, collaborate, or just have fun in general. It will be at some point put out. I've also not been posting recently due to writing a bunch of other stuff so I do hope you all enjoy this!

M.LIST H&L LIST

SM☺KY

♦ FIRST MEET

You met Smoky when you and him were kids, obviously he couldn't adopt you as a younger/older sister since you were the younger/older sister of P. But you knew each other since you were kids and you had frequently taken care of Lala and Eri as you all got older.

♦ DATES

Your dates with Smoky consist of going to the Nameless Road's orphanage and spending the day with the kids there. Smoky says that he thinks of Nameless Road as a family and is willing to take care of them, so why not spend your dates there? Of course he scrounges up lunch for everybody but especially for you two.

♦ FIRST TIME

He was kind of scared that he could get you sick with what he had so he tried not to do it with you, until he couldn't. You guys had been frustrated over a minor thing that he was trying to fix and you both took your frustrations out on each other, sexually. He was soft when trying to do it because he never wants to hurt you.

♦ ARGUING

Arguments are rare. He always shuts the arguments down by being thoughtful and thinking about it.

♦ JEALOUS

Nope. He doesn't really have a reason to be jealous because he believes that if if you don't have a good relationship with him, then you should find someone else.

♦ HOW YOU SLEEP TOGETHER

♦ HOW YOU KISS

TAKESHI

♦ FIRST MEET

You were running from Doubt members as a kid when Takeshi grabbed you (he was also a kid) and shushed you. He knew why you were running and decided to take you with him. That is when he introduced you to everyone.

♦ DATES

Unlike Smoky, his idea of a date in nameless road is to take you to the highest point there and stargaze. Commonly refers to you as a star because he thinks you shine like them. He's a romantic, what can I say?

♦ FIRST TIME

You guys actually had your first time while you were stargazing. One thing led to another and you were ontop of Takeshi under the stars. You guys were slightly drunk. Lala may have accidentally saw y'all but she silently cheered you on.

♦ ARGUING

They only really happen when he doesn't tell you whats going on. He tries to bypass it by telling you everything is okay and asking you how your day is but it ends in arguments because he'll lie. He goes to Smoky when he doesn't know what to do.

♦ JEALOUS

He does get jealous, he doesn't like to admit it though. He will only show it by being all lovey dovey when your attention isn't on him.

♦ HOW YOU SLEEP TOGETHER

♦ HOW YOU KISS

P

♦ FIRST MEET

You were apart of Sannoh Rengokai when Cobra came by, a few guests with him. You knew a few of them except for one, P. You were intrigued by him so when Cobra offered to introduce you to him, you took the chance!

♦ DATES

P is awkward with dates, he doesn't entirely know what to do considering he grew up on Nameless Road. He leaves them to you or he asks the others, this leads to a fire being started (trashcan / barrel) and the roasting of some good food.

♦ FIRST TIME

Your first time with him was while the rest of Rude Boys and Nameless Road were asleep. He took you to a secluded tent far away from everyone else and romance happened (and a wee bit of magic too).

♦ ARGUING

He isn't around that much and when he is, arguments are rare. He usually spends his time cuddling and/or snuggling with you until the others need him. He loves you too much.

♦ JEALOUS

Jealousy jealousy jealousy. Yes. Short answer is YES. He literally hates every good looking person secretly because he wants to look better than them to keep you.

♦ HOW YOU SLEEP TOGETHER

♦ HOW YOU KISS

YU

(We barely know him but he's cute)

♦ FIRST MEET

You happened to meet Yu when you were helping others get medical help as a kid. Smoky had come by, being pushed by Lala to see you, and brought someone new. You were introduced to Yu and helped your family member to clean him up.

♦ DATES

His confidence leads him to setting up dates in and outside of the Nameless Road. These dates are typically in parks with food and near the coast.

♦ FIRST TIME

You guys had your first time when Yu got back after a fight. He had been really injured and you were helping him clean up. Well, one thing lead to another and you guys did it. YIPPIEEEE

♦ ARGUING

Arguments aren't rare and they actually happen a lot. Yu hates arguments as they often remind him of before he met you so he always tries to find the salutions. But these are typically about his confidence getting in the way and how he doesn't realize it.

♦ JEALOUS

Lets his confidence cover the jealousy but will show it by drawing and/or writing on your skin using his fingers.

♦ HOW YOU SLEEP TOGETHER

♦ HOW YOU KISS

♥ Mutuals | @talusional @dillpick

#elixirol0gy #high and low fanfic #high and low #highandlowfanfic #frothing at the mouth #highandlowsmut #fluff #high and low smoky #high and low Rude boys #Rude boys #Highandlowsmoky #smoky x reader #rude boys x reader

[quicksilverdrabbles]

Khash: *running away from wolves just outside of Riverwood, bow broken and out of arrows* I'm so dead I'm so dead- *shrieks, a wolf snapping at her ankles just barely out of reach* Leave me alone! I am almost positive I don't taste good!

Saturn: *whistles, catching the wolves' attention* 'Ey! Leave the kid alone, ya' tuskin' mongrels! *draws her bow as the wolves turn, downing one with a glass arrow*

Khash: Whoa..

Saturn: *turns and launches a containment sphere into the pack, releasing a Dwarven Venator and letting it kill the rest* Phew. *hops down from the ledge she'd perched on, jogging towards Khash with a worried smile* Hey, kid. You okay?

Khash: I-I... I'm fine.. *staring up at Saturn with starry eyes* ... You are very strong.

Saturn: *chuckles* Y'think so? Quite the compliment from such a brave warrior. What're you doing out here?

Khash: I was hunting... What is that? *points at the Venator, quite literally ripping a wolf apart*

Saturn: Oh, that? That's my... *turns to look at it, seeing the mess it made* Oh for Gods' sake, we talked about this. *returns the Venator to its containment sphere* Sorry, it's a bit restless. Haven't gotten a chance to use that one in a while.

Khash: Do you have more of those things??

Saturn: Automatons? Yes, I do.

Khash: How do they work? They really just listen to everything you want them to do?? *gasps, seeing her longsword strapped to her back* Is that your sword?! Why is it so big???

Saturn: *smoke rising from her ears, overwhelmed by the questions, remembering why she doesn't do kids* High Elves need bigger swords than humans. Longer limbs.

Khash: Are you an adventurer?? You have to be, right?!

Saturn: I am, yes.

Khash: Can I come with you???

Saturn: *freezes, staring down at the child with a look of shock* Absolutely not.

Khash: What?! Why not?

Saturn: I'm not going to risk bringing a kid with me. It's dangerous.

Caryalind: Saturn??

Saturn: *looks over her shoulder* Oh, hey guys. Took you long enough.

Kaidan: *hunched over, panting* Gods you're too fast- Where did ye go?

Gore: Uh. And what's with the kid?

Khash: *hiding behind Saturn*

Saturn: Uh.. She was being chased by wolves.

Khash: *staring at Caryalind and Kaidan with a look of shock* Is everyone in your group super tall??

Saturn: Hah. No, just look at Gore.

Gore: Hey!

Kaidan: Well, best we get her home then, ey? I've never seen an Argonian child in Riverwood, though.

Khash: I am a mercenary.

Saturn: ...

Gore: ...

Kaidan: ...

Caryalind: I beg your pardon?

Khash: I am! I can fight very well with a bow!

Saturn: Not.. that I doubt that, kiddo, but where are your parents?

Khash: Dead.

Saturn: (Shit.) Er- a guardian?

Khash: Also dead.

Saturn: ... Yeah y'know what I'm just gonna stop asking questions right now.

Khash: So.. can I go with you? Please? I promise I will not get in the way!

Caryalind: Saturn. A word. *tugs on Saturn's arm and pulls her away, speaking in a hushed voice* You cannot seriously be considering this??

Saturn: Who said I was?! That kid's better off being taken care of, not getting dragged all across Skyrim!

Gore: Not like we can just leave her here, though. A kid by herself is far worse off than a kid with a band.

Caryalind: You would know.

Gore: Yeah, and you wouldn't.

Saturn: Boys, please focus.

Gore: I say let her come. If she decides it's too much, she can leave with no more said.

Caryalind: It's outrageous! Kaidan, please be the voice of reason here.

Kaidan: *already getting along with Khash, checking out her bow* Don't worry yourself none about it, lass. Saturn's a great smith, she'll make ya' a new one.

Khash: Awesome!

Caryalind: *deadpan* Absolutely no help.

Saturn: Look, how about this. *takes Caryalind by the shoulders and faces him towards her* We bring her along, then the second we get a chance we bring her to Riften.

Caryalind: I can't help but feel like that's a worse idea.

Saturn: Have any better ideas?

Caryalind: ... No.

Saturn: And there we go. *pulls away, walking back towards Khash* Alright, kid, you can come. Let's bring you to meet the others.

Khash: Tusk yea!!!

Saturn: Pfft. That's some mouth, kiddo.

Caryalind: Like any of you are any better.

Saturn: Rude.

~

Khash: *Meeko laying in her lap, petting him happily as she listens to stories from Inigo*

Taliesin: *sitting some ways away with Saturn* You are absolutely insane.

Saturn: You're not the first today to tell me that.

Taliesin: It's one thing to just bring her to an orphanage outright, but it's a cruelty even I can't stomach to lie and say she can come with us.

Saturn: She would have fled if we did tell her.

Taliesin: Why bring her along in the first place, then?

Saturn: Kids shouldn't be that young and out on their own. She deserves a safe place.

Taliesin: And are you so sure that orphanage is a safe place? There have been unsettling rumors..

Saturn: ... *sighs, watching Khash interact with her family with a frown* We'll just have to see.

#skyrim #tes #the elder scrolls #modded skyrim #dragonborn #ldb oc #kaidan skyrim #skyrim taliesin #inigo skyrim #caryalind thallery #skyrim gore #khash skyrim #khash the argonian #Saturn oc

[violets-and-books]

I also never received my goods. Please I want to read this so bad 😭 I'll take a nap for it 🙌

Here's the answer, Lore (literally, the full synopsis of my work, start to finish). Now go to sleep

I'm adding a keep reading because there is going to be a lot

Okay, so first of all, it's set in the show universe and this is for a very good reason, I promise you. In Shadow and Bone s2, Wylan is introduced. This is important because they speed up wesper's arc (which a lot of people are mad about but I don't honestly mind, I feel like it was still in character and I love the way they did it and, hey, they were the only happy couple in s2 so-). Anyway, the important thing is that at the end of s2, the Crows don't know Wylan's a Van Eck. Apart from Kaz, he does hint at it

So, basically, my fic idea (Bow Before Your King is the title, I'm quite proud of it) is set in the show universe. At the start of the fic, we have like one chapter of everything being alright for wesper. Kaz says they've got a new job. (Matthias is still in jail, btw, this is pre-Ice Court) They've got all the Crows apart from Matthias. Kaz's job is pretty big money and also surprisingly easy. There's a new exhibition coming to the Ketterdam Museum of Culture about an ancient Zemeni king - from long before the monarchy in Novyi Zem was abolished. Supposedly, a lot of the exhibit is solid gold. All they need to do is rob it.

Inej doesn't like it. Neither does Jesper. They've still got to go but Inej doesn't believe in stealing sacred artifacts, she thinks no good will come of it. And Jesper grew up in Novyi Zem, he learnt all about the legend and urban myths of curses and ghosts these kings protected their treasure with. Either way, they've got to do the job tonight.

Jesper nips round to Wylan's workshop for some distraction, where Wylan is packing for the job. Jesper notices some post on his table. Wanting to be helpful, he scoops it up and flicks through it. Most of its bills but one letter catches his attention. It's thick and good-quality and written on expensive paper. It's sealed with a wax crest with a laurel crown on it. A Mercher's writing to his boyfriend, but why?

Jesper asks Wylan about it. Wylan gets terrified and begs him not to open it, tells him it's just junk. Jesper calls absolute bullshit and opens it anyone. Out loud, he reads

Wylan, My son, if you can read this, know that I miss you and am begging you to come home. Please, if you can read this, come back to where you belong. Your father, Jan Van Eck

Jesper explodes at Wylan (which is honestly, quite understandable). He feels betrayed and lied to and they have this massive fight, Wylan defending himself and Jesper saying he thought he could trust Wylan to listen to his truth and tell the truth. (at this point in the series, we know Jesper's a Durast and about his mum and everything). I've got a brilliant little piece of dialogue which is just *chef's kiss*

Wylan: I learnt very quickly you had to lie to survive in the Barrel

Jesper: This isn't survival, Wy. This is us

^^^ This is how they go to the job. Keep that in mind while you read the rest of this

They go to the job, pissed off and not talking to each other. Inej notices and sidles up to Jesper, checking he's okay. In whispers (cos they're in a museum at night), Jesper explains the whole thing to her. He asks if anyone knew Wylan was a merchling. Inej says that she knew

J: What?!

I: Kaz knew too. And where do you think he gets his information from?

J: So does everyone know about my boyfriend's past but me?

It doesn't exactly make Jesper feel better (especially considering he was going to tell Wylan he loved him-). In this state of mind, he's feeling pretty reckless

They split off into groups when they reach the exhibition to find what they're looking for, which is a solid gold altar. Inej and Nina go off on their own while Kaz, Jesper and Wylan explore another side of the room.

Jesper finds the altar. Wylan tells him to be careful. Jesper scoffs and, true to book form, snarks at him and calls him 'merchling'. He leans his hand on the altar and tells Wylan that "nothing's going to happen."

Jesper gets possessed. By the soul of an ancient, young Zemeni king called Rhamani III, who was killed on the very altar Jesper leaned against. Once they all get over the language barrier (which involves a very annoyed Nina and Wylan slapping Rhamani, at Nina's insistence), they realise what a massive problem this is.

Not only does Rhamani have a Zemeni accent, he acts nothing like Jesper. He doesn't stand like him, he doesn't talk like him, he doesn't have the same opinions. He doesn't even know how to fire a gun. The only thing Jesper and Rhamani have in common is flirting with poor Wylan (who is, at this point in time, still in a relationship with Jesper that he's very committed to, despite them having fought)

Kaz insists Rhamani needs to stay out of the Barrel while they sort this out and instructs Wylan that he'll have to share his workshop (which is on Rozenstraat, a little way away from the Barrel) with Rhamani. Rhamani is delighted, Wylan is not.

While Kaz, Nina and Inej try and find a way to un-possess Jesper, Rhamani spends all of his time flirting with Wylan and distracting him from his work. Oh, and trying to convince him to break up with Jesper because, apparently, "Jesper lacks security as a lover. Security I can provide." He also thinks Jesper's powers are a curse, which he states. Multiple times. Yay... Jesper can still hear everything that's going on, by the way.

(so he also hears when Wylan turns Rhamani down and admits to him that he loves Jesper, for everything and despite everything)

Kaz brings a load of old Zemeni books to Wylan's workshop for Rhamani to work on. Rhamani, after Wylan asked him, said he wanted to help find how to 'free Jesper'. He starts reading one of the books and finds something. Wylan notices it in his face (he's very bad at hiding his emotions) and asks him about it. Rhamani accuses him and says he could just read it for himself. Rhamani is a king, not a commoner who reads to people. Wylan admits that, no, he couldn't just read it himself and if Rhamani has access to all of Jesper's memories (which he does) why didn't he know that already?

Rhamani makes up some excuse and Wylan accuses him of lying. They have a row and Wylan leaves. He heads to the Crow Club, where he finds Kaz, bleeding

In Kaz's words, he "walked into a fight I couldn't walk out of". Wylan gets him to admit that he needs Jesper just as much as the rest of them.

Wylan goes back to his workshop. Rhamani doesn't apologise but he doesn't mention the reading thing again. He tries to make a physical come-on to Wylan and Wylan very possibly breaks his nose. He runs again.

When he gets back to his workshop with Inej as backup, he finds the place is trashed. Chemicals and glass are strewn about the floor and the vapour makes him gag. Rhamani's passed out inside and Wylan saves him, much to Rhamani's surprise. They go to the Crow Club and lock Rhamani in Jesper's room. Wylan cleans up his workshop and tries not to cry about it.

Back at the Crow Club, the crows are trying a variety of techniques to get Rhamani to tell them how to lift the curse and free Jesper. He won't talk. When Wylan gets there, he appeals to the side of himself that Rhamani's always shown. He kneels beside Rhamani's chair and implores him, as a subject would, to return their friend to them. Rhamani concedes and tells them. The other crows are incredibly surprised at Wylan being able to do that. He just admits that A) he's grown up around men like that and B) you just need to know what side to appeal to to seem helpless

They go back to the exhibit and Jesper gets un-possessed (idk how yet but shhhhhh). Jesper and Inej have a little reunion but Wylan hangs back with Kaz. He wants to run to Jesper and hug him and cry that he's alright but he doesn't. He's scared to.

(also, in a deleted scene for the show, Jesper asks Wylan to move in with him so, that's what this next scene is about)

That night, when Jesper's in his room, there's a knock at the door. It's Wylan, bringing him some tea and coming to collect his stuff. When Jesper asks why, Wylan admits he didn't think Jesper would want him after what happened. They talk about the fight and it's all very cute and very soft and they make up. The end!

Now, you've got what you wanted. Please go to sleep

#lore <3 #lore go to sleep challenge #wesper #six of crows #six of crows fanfic #fanfiction idea #my ideas #blaize answers #blaize's ideas #fanfic idea #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #nina zenik

[smolstarthief]

Another Maruki analysis: His literal Mask

I kinda wanted to do an analysis on his literal mask since this was a realization that hit me really. Now I agree that it looks absolutely silly and I wonder what Atlus was thinking with his overall outfit but... I can't help but think of something here...

Now "Masks," both literally and figuratively, play a primary role in P5 in regards to its characters. They hide who they really are because of either pressure to meet societal expectations, fear (Ex: rejection), dealing with various forms of abuse, and of course trauma. Especially as way of coping with said trauma. It is also a thing in Psychology known as, "masking" which is basically the description I just gave. Masking is basically, as an example, someone performing in a way that it is considered, "acceptable." But it can be at the expense of expressing who they really are, hiding their true selves. It's never fun at all as someone who deals with this on occasion and can even hurt the individual deep down. It can even worsen their mental state as well.

I always feel bad for those that had to go through it for one reason or another. But back on topic. When the MCs awaken their Personas, they literally tear their own masks off (with an exception or two). It's framed as painful but then liberating. They feel free and are done with all the bs they had to deal with. Each mask also has a unique design for every Thief and it's all unique to them and even symbolic of either their true selves or even just overall personality.

So, what about Maruki? While it does look ridiculous... As I've mentioned in a previous post, it almost resembles a shield. A large one at that. Now you could argue Makoto's does as well but it's short and is more like a knight. It also reflects her more tough personality. In Maruki's case though... It covers his whole head and top part of his face (minus his eyes 'cause he needs to see somehow). I also mentioned that it's ironic that "Throw Away Your Mask" is basically his thought process and mental state and yet he is hiding behind his own mask.

Now the "shield" thing can be a double meaning: He doesn't want to hurt the Thieves at all and can be considered a pacifist unless pushed and even while fighting he tries to reason with them and mostly uses Azathoth/Adam. But at the same time, it can also be his own mental defenses coming to the surface. He's hiding behind a metaphorical shield and running away from everything. The truth, his true feelings, his trauma, everything. He gives a calm and serene/gentle demeanor ("Gentle Madman") which is genuine but also puts up his defenses. Even when everything around him is falling apart, he refuses to believe that "his way" was ultimately wrong and harmful even when he knows or realizes it.

Then it gets damaged, and Adam is destroyed which is when he starts to fully break. His barrier is falling apart. He starts to show more of how he really feels. He has awareness and is regaining it at the same time and the cracks remain.

Then he fully removes it and later his godhood outfit changes to his white attire albeit torn up, damaged, and dirty. He's completely vulnerable. No barriers... No mask.

He's not hiding anymore, and we see who he really is: A sad, traumatized, and broken man who gave up everything for a dream that was ultimately not gonna help anyone... Not even himself. He wanted to do good so badly but went too far and about nearly lost himself in the process. It was unhealthy and self-destructive... Like the story of Icarus, hubris got the better of him and flew too close to the sun. All because of things that were out of his control and led to him making impulsive and downright harmful decisions. It's being human and understandable. But he still needed to be stopped, otherwise... Things will turn out for the worse for everyone, including him. Now I wonder what other character this can remind people of...?

So, joking and small fandom jab aside, a TL;DR version: Maruki's mask can represent a barrier he put up for himself to hide and run from it all and once it cracks and it's fully taken off, he shows his true feelings, coming to terms with himself and the truth. It's only then he starts to take steps towards healing and starting over on his own two feet. No hiding, no mask, no barrier. Just him and whatever reality will throw at him, and he'll try his damndest to get better and even redeem himself.

#persona 5 #p5 #persona 5 royal #p5r #starchild rambles #long post #meta #p5r maruki #p5r spoilers #dr maruki #takuto maruki #persona 5 maruki #crossposted from twitter #character analysis #analysis

[juneviews]

Off Jumpol

Sweetheart please write a whole essay about him 😘😜

wellllll, if it's asked this nicely 😌 usually I try to contain myself but today you've enabled me :p here's why I believe off jumpol to be literally unmatched:

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

I've said it before, but being an off stan is like following a character in a series. just like khai in theory of love, off has had such an incredible character development which I've never seen for any other actor. his willingness to openly admit his changes & his past flaws is so damn refreshing, and if you're an off fan you can never be bored bc there is no status quo, off is always getting better & better <3

HONESTY

so I've said it before, but I like celebrities who seem genuine & real, and I don't think you get that more than with off. first of all, and that's a thai actor thing, I love his willingness to go out not always looking the best & just enjoying his life like real people do. but mostly I love how much off is himself 100% of the time: he's scolded nosy journalists & fans before, but is also not afraid to apologize like that one time fans kept screaming his name while he was talking to tay & he answered too harshly & took it back. but mostly I love how honest he is about his past & even his present, he's willing to admit he was a player during his uni days & regrets it, and he's willing to admit much he's changed. even though some people see him as cold & scary, if you follow off for more than one minute you'll know that off is pretty much an open book & really doesn't take himself too seriously. for example the interviewer for his iconic gq interview cover, said he was shocked to see off so down to earth & speaking about philosophical topics about his own life that he's reflected on a lot. and off's genuineness is for me his greatest quality.

KINDNESS

even though off is known for his bad mouth lol, he's genuinely the kindest person ever. there are many groups of people he's kind with, the first one being fans. having gone to events he's been a part of, I can safely say off is the only actor (unless joined by gun) who went out of his way to go close to fans & greet us. he often even stays after an event to go back out to greet fans for more than an extra hour! he doesn't need to do that, but he does it bc he truly values his fans greatly. him crying bc he was overwhelmed by his fan's love in y I love you says it all.

the second group is his fellow colleagues. many clips of off have gone viral with him helping his nong's cover up, etc. in awkward situations, and everyone at gmmtv considers off their dad, as countless pictures prove it :)

lastly, service workers. there are compilations of off thanking security guards at the many events he attends, even hugging them, and overall he always treats others with so much respect & kindness, which shows how down to earth he is.

TALENTS

now that we've discussed his personality, let's move on to off's talents. first of all, off has grown to be an excellent actor. his acting in not me was honestly so good it not only blew me away, but also made me so incredibly proud. I think one of off's best strength is his versatility as an actor, because now he can both SLAY emotional, angsty scenes, but since the beginning he's also been an incredible comedic actor thanks to the fact that man's naturally hilarious & improvises lines like no one else. in that sense, he honestly can beat a lot of actors considered better but who don't have as much versatility as him.

apart from acting, off also excells at hosting, be it variety shows like offgun fun night, friend drive or school rangers, or events & others. man can SPEAK, and be fun & entertaining like no one else, while also including guests so seamlessly.

off is also obviously a fashion icon, having both his fashion brand & being an avid fashion collector, so much so that series like theory of love & wolf used HIS OWN clothes for his character's wardrobes. off especially loves vintage & doesn't just shop big brand names but also goes to the chatuchak market to buy more hawaiian shirts. did I mention he's the ceo of wearing hawaiian shirts? bc he is <3

off is an artsy hipster type of guy, enjoying indie movies, taking pictures, going to galleries, etc. and I believe him to have a very artistic vision that is best exemplified by his brand land of something, for which the designs stand out SO MUCH from other thai actors' clothing brand. he's also a business man & has learned from his mistakes which makes him more careful & thoughtful when he invests now. ALSO he's obviously an incredible model & knows all of his angles, slay <3

LOOKS

obviously, off is hot as fuck. this is a shallow world, we have eyes, man's flabbergastingly gorgeous. but what makes off more special than the other handsome actors is of course, his iconic facial expressions. NO ONE can move their face like off does. his facial expressions are what made me fall for him bc they're one of a kind & no one can replicate them to the same extent. those expressions are also what made off's asshole characters like khai, por, etc. actually work by adding layers of cuteness to them. I also want to mention that off is not afraid to experiment with his look which is really nice & makes him stand out once again!

PROFESSIONALISM

lastly, bc I'm a busy gal & I need to cut this short, I think it's very important to mention off's professionalism. I think it's no coincidence a lot of directors envision him as first for a role, notably koo ekkasit for astrophile, fon kanittha for 10 years ticket & the snap25 team for the jungle. it's also to be noted that off creates good relationships with every co-star he has, and keeps those friendships for a long time. no one ever has anything bad to say about him, and because of his work ethics he manages to shine in the eyes of those who decide the faith of his career. and that makes me confident he'll keep soaring high :)

xxx

#answers #off jumpol #bypiningbisexuals

[owl-with-a-pen]

so I was thinking about Supergirl season 5 again and I remembered that some people were upset with Brainy in the second half of season 5 because they didn't think he was as smart as he's supposed to be, and should have been ahead of Lex mentally/had a plan to defeat him. But maybe him being a step behind Lex would have been more understandable/more angsty if Lex was literally mind-controlling him? Like maybe he borrowed Lena's technology to keep him in line, inhibiting him again by cruel irony.

CONT: and meanwhile either Brainy is completely aware of what's going on with him, and it's terrible, or it's a more subtle control by Lex and he makes excuses for something feeling wrong with him. So either way, at the end of the season in this scenario I would still have Brainy do the thing with the bottle, but have it be more an act of defiance/rebellion against Lex, probably with Brainy laughing in his face as Lex is gloating in that scene and taking the pin that kept Lex safe from the radiation.

See this is super interesting, because I've always thought that Brainy struggling to keep up with Lex/outright failing to felt very in character for him as of where he was at that point in the show. I feel like we seem to forget that although Brainy was uninhibited while working for Lex and, therefore, theoretically mentally superior to him, Brainy was also in no sound mind to actually be able to embrace the full extent of his intellect.

While working for Lex, Brainy had to spend all of his time pretending to be someone else. He had to hold up a very stiff and unemotional front to try and convince everyone around him that this was what removing his inhibitors had made him, otherwise his whole plan would fall apart. We know from season 6 that Brainy was absolutely not okay when it came to dealing with his emotions, especially his rage against Lex, and this was becoming very clear through all the interactions we saw between Brainy and Lex in the second half of season 5. Brainy was barely holding it together, and Lex knew that, which was why he knew he had the room to play with his food for a bit and make Brainy think he'd actually achieved the upper hand.

Brainy spent so much of his time with Lex questioning his own actions, feeling guilty every step of the way, hating himself for crawling closer to the evil alignment the rest of his family had wanted for him and (I'm gonna assume here) not sleeping very much, if at all. So, failing to see Lex's whole plan always made sense to me. Brainy was not in a fit mental state to do any better than he did and, to be honest, with all said and done his plan actually was still very ingenious. Incorporating an aspect of the Brainiac line he hated so much by bottling Leviathan was also extremely satisfying, especially considering he went into it knowing he was likely going to die and so reclaiming that ability for good was one hell of a way to go out.

This being said, I do love the ideas you've brought to the table, especially with regards to giving Brainy a proper moment to rebel against Lex. Lex using some form of mind control on Brainy would have definitely upped the angst to insanely delicious proportions. Maybe not from the very start of their partnership, but the more Brainy resisted Lex's plans, or the more obvious it became that he was clearly interfering with them where he could, maybe Lex starts to set something in motion then. Maybe Brainy notices because of how freshly released from being inhibited he is, or, maybe worse, he doesn't realise for those exact same reasons. Either way, it would give Brainy even more fuel to the fire when it came to his final face off with Lex.

Brainy never really gets the closure he sorely needs for everything Lex put him through, and I really do love imagining an alternate version to the scene where Brainy does have the upper hand in that Leviathan ship, maybe he rips Lex's pin from his lapel when Lex underestimates how much energy Brainy has left when he tries to take the bottle from him. Just something that gives Brainy a bit more power over the situation. It'd also make Lex realise that pushing the emotionally unstable Coluan to the limit maybe wasn't the genius plan he thought it was, especially when all of Brainy's anger surges out with Lex as his sole target.

I am overall glad that the end of season 5 left Brainy in a position where his anger towards Lex was unresolved, because that gave us some excellent scenes in season 6. It's no secret that I love Brainy and Lena's dynamic and the scene where Brainy starts detailing exactly how he's planned to kill Lex in the most horrific way possible is up there on my list of favourite scenes ever. So, I suppose, yes it would have been satisfying to see Brainy defy Lex, but also what we got from Brainy failing gave us so much more angst where his unresolved anger was left to stagnate.

#supergirl #brainiac 5 #lex luthor #cyclone-rachel #my asks #not writing #it's such a split situation in my mind because yes I wanted to Brainy to go full feral on Lex in that scene #but also from a narrative perspective i actually really am happy with the direction that scene took #aaaah the confliction. but those ideas were super good! #i also just got a darker thought of... what if brainy inhibited himself again when he couldn't bare the toll it was taking #maybe the radiation interferes with the inhibitors and that brings all the rage back and then he snaps back at lex from there #so many possibilities. all with so much ANGST. i love it.

[theminecraftbee]

and finally for If You're Still Taking Ficlet Suggestions For The Theoretical Persona AU, i am always a fan of skizz.

Impulse looks up from bed, where he's been reading. He's not sure what for; it's a book he's already finished. It won't help him... no, it's a book he likes though. He can re-read it. He doesn't need to perfectly optimize every second. He's wasting time being sick after the sleeping - but he's supposed to just be doing things he likes. He likes this book.

But he's read it before. He's wasting time. Maybe his head's still a mess; maybe getting rescued didn't entirely fix that. He's been considering asking Ren to sneak him a book he hasn't read to get that last bit of intelligence anyway, even if he's supposed to be resting, and not thinking about that, he literally just got rescued from a spiral of thinking about that, or more accurately thinking about Bdubs, that he put him into, that, he shouldn't...

"Dippledop! I brought cookies!" says a voice from outside.

"Cookies? Oh man, come in!" Impulse says. It's a distraction from the book.

Skizz is bright-faced for someone Impulse thinks has probably been up for multiple days. As promised, he's brought cookies. They smell absolutely delicious. Given that the main things he's been fed by Tango (doctor by proxy of having healing magic) are things like "soup" and "saltine crackers", he's pretty excited by the cookies.

"How you feelin', buddy?" Skizz asks, tossing the basket on the bed next to Impulse. Impulse reaches in and nearly cries. They're his favorite; they even have the walnuts in them that Skizz normally claims to hate.

"Like I got hit by a truck. Talk about a role reversal; I can feel why you didn't get back on your feet for weeks."

"Yeah, well, don't go rushing it. We didn't patiently spend all that time with me just to rush you, you know," Skizz says.

"I'm not sure I'd describe that as patient," Impulse says.

"Hey! I was plenty patient!" Skizz says indignantly. "Look at you! Wouldn't you also wanna rush it? But nope! Not doing it! I'm putting at least as much love and attention into you as you put into me!"

"...yeah," Impulse says. "Uh, you don't - owe me for that. I've already gotten plenty from - yeah. Besides, at this point I've technically been through worse?"

"Dude," Skizz says.

"You've watched like half of it?" Impulse adds.

"Dude," Skizz says, a bit more emphatically. "Impulse. Dippledop. Light of my life."

Impulse laughs a little incredulously. "Yeah?"

"I never want to think about you going through worse again," Skizz says.

"Oh, shoot," Impulse says. "I get it. It was - well, it was really hard, watching it when it happened to you. When I found you it was just... that hospital, man. I - yeah, I'm sorry. It had to have been hard, whatever was in my maze. The memory's fuzzy. Ren tried to describe it, but..."

"I am so glad your real-world apartment is cleaner," Skizz says. "And I mean it. Seeing you lying there just... still. I never want to... you can't do that to me again, Impulse. You can't. And when I get my hands on Bdubs..."

"Don't worry," mumbles Impulse. "I won't let him do anything that upsets you like that again, okay? I learned that lesson."

"And I'll learn him! I'll -"

There's a pause.

"...Impulse."

Impulse blinks several times at the sudden shift in Skizz's tone. "Yeah?"

The man leans forward and suddenly wraps Impulse into a bear hug. Impulse yelps. "Stop trying to talk about my feelings when I'm here to comfort you," he says.

"I mean, it's fine if you were upset by -"

"Impulse, you spent like, eight months, all of which you were talking about me, and all of them tracking my recovery. And yeah, you had whatever your tarot card thing is that's going on, sure."

Impulse flinches. Every time he remembers everyone knows about that now, he sort of wants to throw up. Given that nausea isn't actually a symptom of recovering from sleeping sickness so much as just extreme fatigue, he suspects that either he has an unusual reaction as a persona user, or... it's just all in his head.

"I don't care. You'd have done it even if there wasn't the weird magic, right?"

Impulse opens his mouth to say something, and then closes it again. He could say something about how, yeah, back at the beginning, sure, but at this point his head had - well, if he hadn't gotten so mixed up, he wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. If there wasn't this ever-present sense that he had to use his time wisely. If...

"Hey. No. Look at me. Buddy."

Skizz steps back from the hug. Impulse looks at him. Skizz's smile is blinding. It really is like the sun, Impulse thinks distantly. Around them, there's a soft glow. There's a flame in Skizz's hand, Impulse realizes. He doesn't know where it came from. He doesn't think Skizz notices.

"You gave so, so much time for me. Let me help you. Let me do this for you. Okay?"

"Okay," Impulse says hoarsely.

"Okay," says Skizz, and he claps his hands around the flame and gaps. "...oh."

"Hey, I know we just had a conversation about me redirecting to talking about you when you don't want to," Impulse says, staring, "but like... is your persona supposed to do that?"

"What? You're the one who's supposed to know!" yelps Skizz. "I mean, not supposed to, dangit, we were just talking about -"

"No, I know what you mean, but no one ever said - dude, it's like a Pokemon or something! Why is it different now? I thought only mine did that!" Impulse says.

"Haha! Not anymore! I'm catching up!" Skizz says, and he reaches across the bed again to try to give Impulse a noogie.

"Hey! Hey! No fair! That's cheating!" Impulse says. "I can barely fight back! I almost died yesterday!"

"Well I've almost died too, so it doesn't count! That just means I can win for once!"

"Cheater! Cheater!"

"All's fair, dippledop!"

Impulse laughs, and Skizz laughs too, and he forgets entirely about the book.

Thou art I... And I am thou... Thou hast established a genuine bond... Thy bond shall be the flame of inspiration that expresses the true beauty in your heart. We bestow upon ye the secrets of the Sun arcana, granting you its ultimate power.

[MAX rank!]

#answered #aquelondungeonmaster #prompt ficlets #theoretical persona au #i saw your other three and i want to get to those too i just wanted to do this one because i had some Thoughts #anyway those Thoughts are 'in this theoretical game if you get your social links to a certain level before the rescue' #'the final few ranks can change A Lot' #also if you ask for more skizz i'll give it to you because this was as much an impulse ficlet as a skizz one lol

[gralunaisland]

Hi you mentied in one of your post about Juvia sacrifice herself for Cana , and you had problems with it ? I would love to hear more of your thoughts on the matter (also I agree with Juvia friendship with the girls , it’s a shame we never saw Lucy snap at Juvia . Since Juvia always calling her a love rival , bimbo or just being mean . She post to be close to Gajeel but I can’t remember any scenes with them just bonding without Gray being involved in any conversation.)

Why the Cana v. juvia scene does not prove that juvia is a good person

Ah yes, I'm so glad you asked! It seems like you refer to a point I made in my Veritable Essay post, which is crazy long, so kudos to you for reading through it! For those who don't know, it's an analytical post picking apart a Pro's argument that I found floating around online.

My main issue with that Battle of Fairy Tail scene is that everything juvia said there comes off as disingenuous when you take into account her behavior throughout the rest of the anime. Sure, her words sound great and all here, but she doesn't act on them later. I'll explain down below.

First of all, she literally told Cana that her motivation was to prove herself to the guild, so clearly she had other motives. her exact words were "I wanted to prove to the guild that there's no reason to doubt me." she wanted to show hey look at me guys, I love Fairy Tail! Even though I didn't care WHATSOEVER when it disbanded! Even though the ONLY reason I joined was because the hawt ice wizard is a member! Even though I have NEVER formally apologized to any of the people I hurt during the Phantom Lord arc! But look at me, I'm a good person, I promise! You don't need to kick me out of Gray's guild! In the end, looking good to her guildmates really only helps her quest in snagging Gray for herself, because, as they actually do in the anime, they support juvia and admonish Gray for not returning her manic affections, aiding in gaslighting him until he thinks he's an awful human being for having basic boundaries and rights to consent.

I am not so jaded to believe she was thinking all these things consciously.

But all that really becomes true when you consider how she doesn't have any loyalty to Fairy Tail, only Gray.

You see that when, again, juvia only decided to join Fairy Tail because that's where Gray was. You see that where juvia tries to literally kill fellow guild member Lucy by making her air bubble smaller, because she saw her as a love rival. You see that clearly in the Daphne arc, where she shows that she doesn't care one lick that Gray betrayed and hurt everyone. You see that in juvia frolicking off to follow Gray after Fairy Tail disbanded, happily living her "best life" leeching off of Gray and invading his space without his consent (and the manga shows that she stayed despite him not wanting her there because he said she barged in and refused to leave, which she found funny). You see that when juvia wishes something horrible would happen to one of the Team Fairy Tail members in the Grand Magic Games just so she could join the team to be with Gray. You see that when juvia doesn't care at all about trying hard in the GMG even though it's their chance to make up for all of the hardships FT had to go through thanks to all the most powerful members being gone at Tenrou for 7 whole years and of course ends up lusting after Gray the whole time and being an idiot and failing. You see that when juvia excessively harasses and bullies other (supposedly beloved by her) Fairy Tail members like Lucy and any living, breathing woman (and even a freaking Exceed, Frosch, not to mention a literal child, Wendy).

her inconsistencies go on and on. her exact words of "I love all of you. The Fairy Tail guild will always be my home" in that Battle of Fairy Tail scene are proven completely false because of all that I've mentioned.

So, my real problem isn't with the scene by itself. If juvia had said and done all of those things and then changed her nasty behavior towards Gray and towards all the women by leaving them the heck alone and actually being kind to them for once, then it would have been a huge milestone for her (currently nonexistent) character growth. However, as I showed here, that is not the case. In the end, her words and actions in the Cana v. juvia v. Freed scene ring hollow and empty because her later actions do not prove them to be true. In fact, they prove them to be false. That's even worse, because it just shows how juvia really basically lied to Cana in that scene.

Moving on, I'm glad you agree about how juvia should have no friends thanks to her behavior. I really wish we got to see Lucy tell juvia what's what, but Mashima would never have his characters truly berate juvia for any of the horrendous things she does to them. Plus, Lucy is just a good person who wants to believe in the best in everyone.

And such a good point! juvia is supposedly close friends with Gajeel, but they really never interacted after the Phantom Lord arc, and even then, they interacted severely minorly. juvia really doesn't make "friends" with anyone without Gray being involved somehow. (And before Pros mention Meldy/Meredy, she only became "special" to juvia because she "proved" to her that Gray "loved" her through her powers of linking people. So Gray was still included there.)

All in all, thank you for your ask and for your patience! I hope I explained things well enough!

#instead of saying something with more thought put into like usual in my hastags #it let me just say screw juvia #screw her so much #battle of fairy tail arc #askgraluna #anti gruvia #anti juvia #anti juvia lockser #ask #anti juvia loxar #fairy tail #defend gray fullbuster #gray fullbuster #anti gray x juvia #cana alberona #freed justine #gralunaessay #fairy tail discussion #fairy tail discourse #fairytail

[pluvicor]

Zion is by far one of my favorite OCs and the one whose story I spend the most time trying to continue despite not actively writing him that much anymore.

Some of the reason for it is how I, admittedly, became close minded and skeptical about collaborative work on this side of the RPC. But that's for another post (or none at all), I'm here to lay out the things I've established for him, either through development over Discord, ideas that came and stuck with me but were never shared, or a secret third thing, lest I forget and punch more holes into his storyline:

Personal life:

Leads a married life (not on paper yet) with Rickon. It's a very fulfilling relationship, Rickon is the exception to Zion's compromise to never resort to violence and/or dirty tricks, should anyone do anything to harm him. Given Zion's current state in life, that is not to be taken as lightly as it once could, as I'll touch on more down this post;

He's also in a relationship with Samael, though he's still conflicted about putting a name to it, given his aversion to the idea of having multiple partners. In fact, he is Zion and Rickon's boyfriend, that makes it easier alongside the fact Samael is a literal god and doesn't seem to mind how Zion navigates this new state of affairs between them, as long as it's good for everyone;

He's in therapy, has been for a while. His therapist is not human but I haven't decided what or who they are yet. Zion never felt he'd be safe with a regular professional, seeing as his problems stem from very unnatural events - he concluded he wouldn't be taken seriously at all, with less than pleasant consequences and the actual assistance he needs;

Zion has something going on with his mental health, he's on mood stabilizers and some antis;

His blood is haunted. In all seriousness, a regular doctor can no longer provide reliable diagnosis for any ailments he may have, as his body has been permanently affected by years of consecutive and direct exposition to demonic essence. Would an exorcism work? I don't know, maybe not, maybe it'd kill him. Remains to be decided;

And he's still mortal, though;

He no longer lives in an apartment with Rickon, they're sharing a house and have ??? cats;

Business:

The petting zoo that became a ranch then became an inn and is now large enough to be considered a district? Yes;

It's giving him a bit of legal trouble for that. It's expansion is partly due to his impulsivity;

It has over 100 rooms for guests and a sizable staff. He's the owner and head manager, has many sub managers for each department (cuisine, reception, maintenance, accounting, legal, etc etc);

It's no longer in the stock market and he's put an end to contracts with sponsors as means to avoid too much meddling from external parties;

🆕 It has an alchemy department! Cool, yeah?;

The lake is alive and she is moody. She has recently learned to assume a form of her own made of pure water but isn't fond of it and uses it exclusively for communication (when she wants to talk). Skip stones in her and she'll beat you up, try to go for a dive and she'll recede enough so you hit the bottom instead. She didn't quite like Zion at first, he doesn't know why, but now they're on friendly terms;

The animals in its rehabilitation center are no longer exclusively earthlings or from his universe. Guests have started to leave them there for care;

Same with his plants (garden and greenhouse);

Alair, the concierge, is no longer the only Boto working there. Hide your wives when visiting;

It has a growing system for people who want help for any activity, a "help wanted" board that he totally did not take inspiration from Stardew Valley, and if you imply as much he will laugh and deny despite everything. It's loosely supervised by a moderation team just to make sure nothing against the place's rules is posted;

It doesn't run exclusively on regular currency, any item can be evaluated at the exchange office to have its value assessed;

I'll add more as I remember it.

#ooc save.

[ilikekidsshows]

"A deuteragonist has no narrative purpose outside of their relationship with the protagonist.

They may have a rich backstory, a compelling motivation for being involved in this specific plotline and an arc that is interesting in its own right but ultimately it doesn’t matter because this person exists solely so they can react to whatever happens in the life of whoever it is we’re really interested in."

Saw this on a website when I googled about "What is a deuteragonist" and among the answer and paragraph, I think this one fit Adrien the most.

Source : https://filmlifestyle.com/what-is-a-deuteragonist/#:~:text=A%20deuteragonist's%20role%20is%20to,are%20not%20exactly%20the%20same.

Sorry about not liking your sources, Research Anon, but this article is bad. Like, I know the term "deuteragonist" isn't very firmly defined in any official resource (it literally just means "second actor"), but this article can't even build up a case for its own definition of the term. It argues that deuteragonists are both unimportant and second main characters and all the examples it uses to showcase how we aren't "interested" in deuteragonists that I can recognize are arguably even more popular than the main character in many circles. Many people consider Han Solo and Obi Wan Kenobi more interesting than Luke amd Anakin and I know a huuuuuuge chunk of the Lord of the Rings fandom is far more invested in Aragorn over Frodo and do consider him a protagonist on an equal level.

Arguably all characters in any story are only viewed through the protagonist lense, because it's their story, so defining deuteragonists with this as their big attribute shows a lack of understanding of how storytelling works. Supporting characters only exist to flesh out the main character(s) more and are only important to the story through their relationship to the main character. What sets the deuteragonist apart from being a supporting character is that they do more, otherwise they wouldn't have their own term; they are meant to be as integral to the plot as the protagonist. In fact, some deuteragonists never interact with their story's protagonist, if a story is following two or more different story paths; one of those might be the main one, but that doesn't mean the others exist there just to reflect on the main one, even if those branching stories eventually combine, like the first Death Gate Cycle book does.

"Helping the protagonist" is also a very undefined character trait in the article. Cheering the hero on is helping but that doesn't mean the cheering classmates in a sports anime are deuteragonists. Again, if everyone helping is a deuteragonist, we wouldn't need a separate word for it. What the article fails to take into account is the multiple meanings of the word "actor". Actor means someone playing a part, true, but it also means someone taking action. A Deuteragonist needs to have agency in a story, they need to be able to influence what happens or they're not acting in a storytelling sense. This is another way to tell a deuteragonist apart from a mere supporting character.

The way I've always understood the term, deuteragonist can also be called "a secondary main character" for a reason; in many cases this character is meant to be second only to the main character (or the antagonist) in terms of story presence and impact. If someone outclasses your deuteragonist in these respects, then they're not a deuteragonist, they're a supporting character. From season four onward, both Alya and Félix outclass Adrien in story impact and importance, hence, he's being shafted out of his role as the deuteragonist.

If you're using this article to show a possible explanation for why the crew behind Miraculous can treat Adrien as the deuteragonist in promotions but write him as only a supporting character in the show, you might be correct. This narrow and lessened view of any character outside of the protagonist seems to be the exact attitude behind the show.

#ml salt #ml writers salt #storytelling #literary theory

[weabooweedwitch]

Yo Ive barely touched my feed so I missed all this shit that went down but I just want you to know that I am 100% behind you; I've been in a very similar situation with family and what you said is a brutal truth but truth nonetheless. TikTok teens can choke

What um, is so incredibly painful, is that we rented a car and went to see my sister after being in correspondence with her. I trusted my mom when she said she had talked to my sister after getting out of the hospital, I thought it was so soon, and we went there and. She hadn't understood we were moving her. She for some reason thought we were just renting a car to bring her for a visit for like two days and then taking her back?

She told us she's living in a studio but what she's really doing is renting a room in an old house with shared communal areas. Her "studio apartment" is literally like the size of a fucking closet. We are talking enough room for a full bed and little furniture on each side. We got there, after telling us we were on the way, and she made us wait outside for over TWO HOURS IN 30 DEGREE WEATHER. Saying she was hungry and hungover and cuddling with her boyfriend. Sorry, she kept saying "favorite person" instead of boyfriend which strikes me as weird

And my mom finally nuts up and says "and how long have you even known him?" and she says, quote, "longer than I've known you guys" GIRL WHAT YOURE THE ONE THAT DEMANDS TO BE TEXTED EXCLUSIVELY

Just. Gosh I'm not going to keep dumping her business but it hurts, like everything she said was so spiteful and hateful and saying she could run away or kill herself if ahe came with us. I went outside and just started crying and screaming so hard my ears started popping and. Yeah I was really gross by the end of it and we're home now and. Even now I'm like.should I have endured the abuse and stayed and let her come, because she was saying she would but in such a way that made it obvious she was angry and would be miserable and treat us poorly and we eventually essentially veckme a safety issue for everyone

Idk I'm trying not to say too much but I'm also incredibly upset and still worried about her. It's hard for everyone involved and incredibly stressful and also I had previously picked up an extra shift tonight so 😩😩😩 but I guess to put a positive spin on that it gives me more money for my trip on the 27th which I really need more lthan ever at this point haha 🙃.

since she doesn't want to come I hope she can at least be happy. I still have a Christmas present to mail and I'm considering either keeping it for myself or sending it to her as like. A parting gift. "I love you and hope you do well but I don't think I can be present in your life anymore"

It's just painful for everyone involved. She makes it very hard to be helped. And I also, am really worried about my guy friend actually 🥺 I won't get into specifics because i dunno why i can never keep a fucking secret when it comes to being upset but he's actually becoming really underweight so when we're hanging out I want to try and comfort him and spoil him with yummy foods and you know, maybe I should try giving my love and support and mental energy to someone who doesn't meet it with absolute hatred and bitterness for once? And I'm also still trying to take care of myself

#horrible family drama sorry

[patchesproblem]

OKAY SO: I mentioned it last night / this morning, but Half Life 2 Einsla / Lab 42 AU.

Putting this under a cut because it's essentially me rambling on and on like an insane person.

So to start with I've officially decided that they're more than likely working closely with Kleiner, and sometime during the twenty year gap they met up with Schrodinger. During the events of the resonance cascade I believe that she was working at a different facility at the time, and it was soon after Tes and Ein escaped that they met back up.

Tesla and Einstein STILL DO have the headcrab that Einstein forced along. It's essentially their version of a cat and literally everyone besides Kleiner hates it. Schrodinger doesn't really have an opinion on it, but she doesn't exactly want it on her either. It's not really that important, but considering the immense relationship between them and the headcrab I feel like it's important to note. (Not sure if I ever even went in depth about their relationship with the headcrab, but the tldr is that it was dragged along by Einstein just to annoy Tesla when they were still fucking around and not realizing just how bad things were. Later on it's the headcrab that ends up saving them both and they all grow to like each other. Yes I'm giving an alien parasite a character arc.)

So for those who know nothing about Half Life 2 (probably everyone), the tldr is that an alien force called the combine is invading earth and is enslaving everyone. There's a small resistance of people who are actively working to stop it, and Einsla are apart of it.

Their lab is separate from Kleiners, though, and they're also researching different things. However they're still ultimately working towards the same goal.

I don't really have much gay stuff to say about them, but they're still annoyingly gay and married with their pet headcrab.

Schrodinger and Reanna are with each other as well. Reanna was originally a military official or security guard at Schrodingers facility, and they met soon after the cascade in Black Mesa. I'm not quite sure about what I'm doing with Reanna yet, but I'm thinking that maybe she infiltrated the combines ranks similarly to Barney. Schrodinger and Reanna also work in a different lab, though her, Tesla, and Einstein often visit each others labs when they're able to and still work closely together. Often times they meet in either Tesla and Einsteins lab or in Kleiners lab, though it's more often Kleiners due to it being risky for him to travel due to how close his lab is to the combine.

I wanted to include Joyce somehow too and I have two ways that his story can go:

The most important part is that he's an alien from one of the other planets that the combine invaded. He was taken hostage and was experimented on, and later on became a valuable member for the combine. He's never exactly WANTED to be apart of it, and he only accepted it as a way to escape from the experimentation. He's able to pass easily as a human, and that along other things is what made him valuable to the combine.

This is where his story branches off, though.

First possibility is that he's a an under cover agent. The combine send him in to watch Tesla, Einstein, Schrodinger, and Kleiner / Eli to some extent.

In this scenario he'd pretend to be an injured and lost person from City 17 trying to escape, and Einsla would bring him in to help him. They eventually keep him around, unaware that he's secretly watching their every move the entire time.

As time passes, though, he slowly realizes that they're not bad people. They become friends, and he starts to realize that not everyone is as cruel as the combine is. When he was originally tasked with the job he was told that they were nothing more than bugs essentially, an annoyance that needed to be taken care of for the combine to succeed.

In a way they end up giving him hope, and starts thinking that maybe he'll finally be able to escape the grasps of the combine.

After a few months, however, Schrodinger learns of his real identity. She manages to sneak her way into the combines data base (don't ask it took months and a lot of secrecy on both her and Reannas part in order to not get caught (though I've also considered the possibility that she snuck into the combine and found out herself, or got kidnapped before Reanna helped her escape and learned it that way)) and is almost immediately in Tesla and Einsteins lab ready to kill him before he can harm them or out their operation.

I don't exactly know how the confrontation goes. I just know that it's extremely dangerous, and the entire time Tesla and Einstein have guns aimed at both Welt and Schrodinger, while Schrodinger has one aimed at Welt and he has one aimed at her. It's interesting to say the least.

Nobody dies though. Eventually, Einstein manages to defuse the situation and stop Tesla from yelling and panicking, and eventually gets Schrodinger to put the gun down (women can't have hobbies now I guess.)

Welt doesn't exactly escape though because all three of them have essentially cornered him and make him explain everything.

The second (and the one that might make more sense) is that during a battle Welt got bonked in the head and couldn't remember anything. His origins is still the same (alien, experimentation, usefullness to the combine, etc.) but instead of being a spy he literally just thinks he's a human. Tesla and Einstein would find him and bring him in, and it's at that point he realizes he doesn't remember a lot. The things he does remember are blurry, and he might as well not remember them. They're like music barely crackling through the static of a radio when the towers are far away.

While all this is happening the combine is looking for him, and they're beyond mad. They believe that he's escaped, and they can not have that. He befriends Tesla and Einstein, and considers them his friends. They try to help him remember who he is to no avail.

The confrontation with Schrodinger still happens, however. Though this time I think it's because Reanna noticed a picture of him due to the combine looking for him and immediately recognized him. She tells Schrodinger and again she runs over there, terrified since she doesn't know his intentions.

The confrontation is less likely to be as violent as the other one, due to him Actually having no clue what she's even talking about.

No matter which way things go, though, it does not continue well from here. It's soon after this that Gordon Freeman shows back up and pisses the combine off, and at this point the combine are working over time. Eventually they get close to Kleiner and once Eli's is discovered they go after Tesla and Einsteins next.

One night they tart hearing banging and they all run out only to realize it's the combine, and after awhile of desperately trying to fight them off Welt shoves them (and their headcrab) through the exit gate and basically tells them to make a run for it while he deals with them. They're both pissed because he locked them out of their own lab and they don't want to leave him there alone, but he refuses and tells him they'll meet up again later. Which they do. Like weeks later.

Oh but an important note is that he is still homophobic but only towards Tesla. (This is a joke I swear.)

#there's so much more to this but I'm just rambling at this point. #also if you saw me accidentally post this a few minutes ago no you didn't. #nikolas posts

[bitterkarmaa]

"so being a father to Blood Twins is actually also helping him overcome some of trauma he sustained from The Incident :)" Hhhh see I keep thinking about this, or the related this-- YOU KNOW THIS I've said I'm gonna put Eclipse under a cup and study him like a bug.

Cos like... gosh. Eclipse's trait is anger, of course. It's what he defaults to, it's what he's forged into both armor and weapon. It's what he used fuel himself up to the point where it literally couldn't anymore (ie laying broken and practically dead in the woods for like a week).

And you've just shoved so much trauma under there, man. I'm living for the glimpses we get of what Eclipse used to be like, what still might be under there somewhere.

He was genuinely good with kids. He likes making things pretty and solving puzzles and sharing silly cat memes. He's got a drive to protect and adopt that didn't even get suppressed while he was being an antagonist, considering he made two other AI during that time. He wants to help others (I noticed that in the Christmas special, Eclipse was the only one who was mentioned to get everyone else a gift, and also got everyone except Lunar something that was useful to them). Heck, there's still that generational trauma thing in that he cares about KC like how Lunar cared about him prior to his defeat/death (as in he probably shouldn't, but he does).

He is so very scared, too. He's afraid of not being in control and of losing control. He's afraid of asking others for help and of being vulnerable enough to need even small help (given how he was acting around Moon with the emails prompt, I assume it was not wanting to be berated for not knowing something as 'simple' as sending a file). It's been made painfully clear how he's afraid of being abandoned again and doesn't like isolation. He's scared of being around kids most likely because of that unprocessed grief and whatever came after.

And just the picture I'm getting here of like. The Incident happened (which we know from the Nightmare) and then whatever happened after that involved the Room just destroyed him, and he was left trying to recover from that all on his own. And the best he managed to do was to stuff all the broken bits inside that armor of anger and try to forget about them, which at least sort of worked for him while he had a clear goal to focus all of his energy on. But all the broken bits are still THERE, and he's finally in a place where they can start being processed.

Clip is just an angry pathetic bastard who's favorite pasttime is shooting himself in the foot 8(

Monsters aren’t born the way they are. They are forged and destroyed and built up from the ashes, made so that they will never be broken again.

But they are built with the same pieces they were the first time.

Eclipse doesn’t know others very well. He knows himself- at least, he thinks he does. That’s a comforting thought, because he knows what he’ll do before he does it. He shares that knowledge. With others, he doesn’t. He is at the mercy of their reaction.

Houses are built on foundations. Lessons are learned the same way. You get a basic idea, and build up from there.

But some foundations crumble.

Water damage, termites, and many other things can destroy the house before it is even finished.

But the main thing that makes everything fall apart?

Neglect.

How do you understand an unfinished product?

You break it down and find out what’s inside.

#karmas bitter but so am i #karma’s bitter #kb lore #karma speaks #loving this analysis #tsams #sams au #tsams au #you are so right about like all of it #big brain moment #keep bouncing those braincells

[pebblysand]

Heyyy!! Loved reading your thoughts on the show, oh godd yess I love Chrishell and I genuinely don't see how someone can look at the whole issue between her and Nicole and think she's in the wrong there, especially when Chrishell didn't even take any money of that deal( which even if she did would not have been a big deal because her name was on the freaking listing!!) and implying that she got it just because Jason had a crush on her that was so damaging cause it somehow reduces her proffesional accomplishments to if a guy had a crush on her which was so juvenile, and I was laughing at that drugs bit and the whole storming off and everything because yeah considering their lifestyles they probably do take drugs and the blatant refusal that no I've never done them from Nicole was just like seriously, honestly this fight even wasn't that fun cause Nicole is such a boring "villain" in a sense she just seems to be after Chrishell loll, I was side eyeing Jason's new relationship a bit especially when he was like she's not 24 she turned 25 today like seriously, and yeah while I did feel bad for Mary she is not a good boss, I'm always oscillating on Chelsea I loved the way she called out Nicole but she has a raging superiority complex, Heather just seems pointless to me and I'm liking bre being firm and not taking Chelsea's shit also this got like way too long but I just had so many thoughts and yes will definitely listen to the podcast it sounds so funn

LMAO YES! more selling sunset talk!

i love that all my followers seem to be #teamchrishell. that is delightful.

omg i missed that bit about chrishell not even taking the money on that listing! what the hell is nicole on about then?? as i said, i feel like the whole criticism of her getting the listing because jason had a crush on her is so unfair because it's not even accusing her of sleeping with him. like, at least if you accuse someone of sleeping with the boss to get a listing, that's something *they* are doing, you know? sleeping with someone is something you can control. here, she's accusing her of getting the listing because jason had a crush which... you know what? probably true. also totally irrelevant. chrishell can't do anything about jason's *crush*, it's not something she controls! what was she supposed to do? say no? my girl needs money and cred to pay for those outfits lmao 🤣.

hard agree on nicole being a boring villain. it's like the producers were like: right, now that christine's out, we need drama. who can we find who has a Very Minor Beef with chrishell which we can then blow out of proportion to create unnecessary drama? 🙄. you couldn't pay me enough money to work in that office, honestly. and, as i said in my original post, i feel like chrishell is always in a difficult position on the show cause she's clearly smarter than everyone else. so she wins, like, every argument she's ever been in because no one's a worthy opponent lmao. (and, yeah, they're all definitely high 24/7 like how else do you survive the sheer dumbness of their lives?)

jason is a man child. his girlfriend's age wouldn't even be an issue if his penthouses also weren't a fucking scam (10+ million for a "penthouse" that's literally an apartment cause it's not even on the last floor - are you mad?? i know the LA market now, i know a scam when i see one. in hindsight, how dare he give shit to davina?) and his behaviour refusing to address the chrishell v. nicole issue (which HE created) is despicable. mary is a terrible boss, but so is he. and what the hell is the second twin doing - whatever his name is? my favourite character remains romaine-like-the-salad (one of my favourite things about the show is how his own wife can't even pronounce his name correctly) who just seems to be *there* and taking all the money he can get whilst watching all this drama unfold. i'm waiting for him to divorce and fuck off to tahiti, lol.

i agree heather is pointless, but i like her in her pointlessness. she seems happy. chelsea - i just find her So Cringe. like why are trying to make your accent so #street and #london, you do not have the talent of 2005 lily allen to make up for it. bre and the other one (what's her name again? the "quesadilla entrepreneur"?) are just unnecessary background drama with "famous" clients no one has ever heard of.

why do i watch this show? 😅

(but jokes aside, thanks for the message, in light of yesterday it's made me laugh!)

#selling sunset #the show in which no sunsets are ever sold