#also post pictures I am vain

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

I forgot I made myself an Instagram account and I remembered a couple of days ago and I’m like why did I wanna make this so bad?? Like I know I love to talk but why??? Genuinely could not figure it out. It’s bc I don’t always wanna type. I straight up forgot I could just talk oh my god

#objectively I could do just fine with Snapchat but I actually hate Snapchat with everything in me #i even named it @soup_talks #literally it’s so funny I forgot completely #I’m like. ok I know I’m vain. maybe I just wanted to post picture??? #No I want to spew out my latest croix thoughts #also post pictures I am vain #also to show y’all my apartment??? i love this place so much #well. when its not undergoing craft tornado #but u get the gist #also I’m somewhat hoping I’ll learn how taking videos works and branch out into making reels/tiktoks so I can actually #do something with my twitch #cannot believe lol #soup talks

[fancyfeathers]

Yandere Childe (Normalized Yandere AU)

Based on a reblog thread with @writing-genshin-obsession where they mentioned the idea of every relationship in Snezhnaya being yandere because of the heavy emphasis on family. So I just started picturing a darling who was in the Fatui but defected and left because she could not stand the idea of being trapped in such a relationship, being backed into a corner like a little helpless animal just waiting for something to bite down and she has to be happy instead, no thank you, so she fought back instead. (Link to the original post and thread)

Also slight inspired by a conversation @yandere-wishes and I had in the comments of a post about it being hot when you are at the winner’s whim in a fight, specifically with Childe so…

Imagining Childe with a traitor reader again, he never met her when she was in the Fatui, he was sent to track her down because she betrayed the Fatui. He had been hearing stories about her being ruthless when taking out Fatui camps, he’ll she probably even was asked by Lady Ningguang to help in the fight against the Overlord of the Vortex because the Fatui were involved and his darling carries such a hatred for them she was glad to lend a hand.

Then in his investigation he visits her family. They live in a small village in cold nation, just like how he grew up. She had a number of younger siblings who she still writes to and when Childe is reading over her letters it reminds him of how he writes to his siblings back home. Her parents are disappointed in her (not only because she betrayed the Fatui but because of her views on love in their nation, believing in the love that was encouraged in their nation was wrong. How preposterous) but more than anything they are terrified for their little girl and beg the harbinger not to kill her when he finds her. He gives them his word, he would never kill her.

Which leads to where they end up, locked in battle, both of them fighting for her life just in different ways. She is strong but just not strong enough, one wrong move gives the harbinger an opening to sweep his leg under her own, knocking her to the ground. Her head bangs against the ground with a loud, which most likely resulted in some manner of head injury. The world is burly and she tries to pick up her blade but it is kicking away from her. All she can process now is the clicking of boots as the harbinger comes to kneel next to her form that is fading in and out of consciousness.

“For what it’s worth, you have quite the fight… Shhh rest now, you’ll be okay, I am taking you home.”

He does, he takes her back to her family to recover. Her parents weep in gratitude to see that their daughter’s life has been spared and give the harbinger their heartfelt thanks. While she is resting in her bedroom, along with her sibling who had all piled in alongside her, Ajax talks to her parents…

When she wakes up, she is back home, like he promised and her siblings are all asleep beside her. Her body is sore but she hears conversations from the living room. She slips out, ever so silently and ease drops from behind a corner. Her heart sinks when she hears her mother speak…

“Love, I know you were once a spy but I am your mother, I know when one of my own are snooping.”

She steps out from behind the corner and her mother waves her over to the conversation, and clear as day her parents seem overjoyed with the harbinger. Her mother smiled at her and tells her…

“You are going to be Ajax’s wife, his darling.”

She tries to refuse but it is all in vain. In the end, not even a month later she is dressed in white and is walking down the aisle that was made in the throne room in the Zapolyarny Palace, only best for her majesty’s harbingers. As she walks down the isle she gets looks from the darlings that rest on the arms of the other harbingers that are just so pitying, they know what it is like to be in her situation and it does not get better.

(Side idea but but now I am picturing all the harbinger’s darlings and the darlings of other high ranking Fatui officials getting together at Pantalone’s manor (of course his darling asked his permission and he said yes) when he is off on business. I am kinda picturing that once scene from Bridgerton where it is a party for the married ladies thrown by Lady Danbury, I’ll put the YouTube video to the scene I am talking about)

#yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin x reader #yandere genshin #yandere genshin imagines #yandere genshin impact x reader #yandere genshin x you #yandere childe x reader #yandere childe #yandere tartaglia #yandere harbingers #Youtube

[aguacerotropical]

ETA Hoffman's Tomcat Murr and Noé Archiviste: A Tale of References Referencing References

(A sculpture of German writer ETA Hoffman (1776-1822) and his cat Murr in Bamberg, Germany that inspired the creation of Noé Archiviste and Murr in The Case Study of Vanitas by Jun Mochizuki.)

So, this is a long post with a lot of quotes. The idea is that Mochijun took the general structure for the manga from this obscure text by otherwise well known writer ETA Hoffman. The pictures speak for themselves, but the introduction to the text recalls a lot of VnC's themes.

This is the text im using: The Life and Opinions of the Tomcat Murr (1820). (link to Anna's Archive).

From Fantasy and Science Fiction:

This complex, truly wild fiction, created in the mid-1800's, is the autobiography of the tomcat Murr, written on the backs of the pages of a manuscript he has clawed to pieces. Interspersed with Murr's musings is the biography of Kappelmester, Johannes Kreisler, Murr's owner. Kreisler was the pseudonym under which ETA Hoffmann published his brilliant critical essays on music, and Murr was the real name of his cat. Through these two entities, he pieced together the fragments of his own shattered psyche and commented on the relationship of art and artists to society

And now I am simply going to cherry-pick some quotes from the book's introduction. I wanted to write a long essay on them, but that is simply not happening any time soon. VnC fandom theorists - knock yourselves out:

On Plagirism and References:

“Murr’s wilful destruction of Kreisler’s book, by which his work becomes a palimpsest, signals the novel’s fascination with reflections and plagiarism. This is also evident in the innumerable quotations from Goethe, Shakespeare, Mozart and many others.

Literature arises through a dialogue with earlier art, being both imitation and aesthetic cannibalism.

On the protagonists:

“The protagonists prove to be opposites, too, Murr (Noé-ish) being the lovable cat, a calm, integrated, vain, self-satisfied and confident bourgeois who enjoys an unproblematic relation to his comrades and the opposite sex. (Alright the opposite sex bit barely applies sexually or romantically, but there is an air of innocence that is familiar.).

Kreisler (Vanitas-like) by contrast, is the neurasthenic, anguished genius, unable to find a niche in society or to satisfy his desires; an artist whose wildly pendular moods swing between radical extremes, from the plainly ridiculous to the loftily sublime.”

On The Shapelss One and Marquis Machina On Master Abraham:

“The novel’s two halves are linked by Master Abraham, Murr’s owner and Kreisler’s mentor."

“The mysterious, Faust-like magus Master Abraham is closely associated with his machines and curiosities, like his ‘marine trumpet’.

On Noé Murr:

"As in a human Bildungsroman, the story relates how the cat repeatedly succumbs to delusion and reawakens to higher knowledge. "

On Humanity:

“Personality seems unstable. The self seems liable to split and confront its doppelgänger, being at the mercy of strange outer forces or inner impulses.

Thus the plot demonstrates the intricate but fragile bond that unifies the human family, a family which seems to be acting out its fate as mechanically as one of Master Abraham’s gadgets.”

On Time and Chronology (and Time Loops).

(small explanation- these are two narratives in one. Murr's is linear, while Kreisler is out of order and circular, which is what these quotes are referencing).

“The structure of the novel plays fickle games with time. The Murr action lasts only a few months and occurs chronologically in the interval between the first and last Kreisler chapters.

Chronologically, the first Kreisler fragment in the novel actually follows the last: at the end, Master Abraham invites Kreisler to the celebrations he describes at the beginning.

(Like come on the end being the start is literally the first chapter of the manga.)

“Linear time belongs to rationality and cannot encompass the ultimate truths the novel seeks to convey"

“The Kreisler narrative is thus entrapped in circularity.”

“When we eventually discover the Kreisler story’s reverse chronology, we ourselves begin to enter time’s infinite loop, approaching the absolute to which Kreisler aspires, where past, present and future merge as one.”

note: if Vanitas (circular time) is a stand-in for Kreisler, Noé (chronologically) for Murr and Abraham (The Shapeless One) tying it all together well...... interesting. Personally I think the references could point to Noé being an unreliable narrator who describes a circular, winding, unstable narrative. He currently speaks with an authority that seems to radiate objectivity and detachment, marked by the scientific sounding main title The Case Study of Vanitas, but the reality of his subjective emotions is given away in the secondary title The Memoires of Vanitas, which is, in itself, an example of a reference to the dual autobiographies in Kreisler's novel.

(Also a theory floating around (not mine) that this "Vanitas" refers to Noé himself after turning into a Blue Moon vampire. I quite like this theory. Or Vanitas lives. Or he writes part of the book before he dies, like Murr did)

On Tone:

“ Humour and irony themselves engage in a dialectic. Irony – the novel’s constant weapon – exposes the negative.

Humour reveals the positive, and entails the acceptance of, and thereby the elevation above, negativity.

On Magic and Worldbuilding (or Babel in Vnc)

“The spiritual realm beyond appearances frequently makes itself felt among the characters. Dreams, strange affinities, correspondences, animal magnetism and electric shocks all point to the existence of an arcane region, beyond empirical fact.

On the Tragic Ending:

Hoffman's cat died before he completed the second volume, and the he died before he completed the third volume. His protagonist was supposed to have a happy ending - but there was no ending instead

“Ironically, Murr’s death means that his well-planned book will remain a fragment. His papers will instead be inserted into the hitherto fragmentary Kreisler tale. In a further irony, it now seems that the Kreisler story is destined for completion.” but wasn't because the author died.

Now I did my job. Go forth and theorize! (and tag me please! I wasted valuable grad school time to write this!)

#the fact that Noé is (probably) modeled after this sculpture is sending meeee #its so cute!! #vnc references #vnc #vanitas no carte #the case study of vanitas #noe archiviste #eta hoffman

[ingravinoveritas]

Have you seen AL's latest insta story? sure, it would even be cute... if she didn't set a trend of subtly (not so subtly) commenting on his looks.

also idk if you hadn't seen this one from November 16th:

(yes it looks like his handwriting) random thoughts:

"I think he likes me" tee-hee? Much need for validation?

gurl, going without a phone for a week? seriously? how? why?

... How did you even post, if you're phoneless? or did you wait to have one, to stage this pic?

maybe it's me, but sharing such an intimate note seems *just a bit* in bad taste.

Am I being too petty? Maybe. Whatever.

(Finally getting around to answering more Asks, so thank you all for being so patient!) @artificial-indulgence No, I don't think you are being petty at all. I'm really very tired of Anna's posts as of late, and all of the above is certainly no exception.

I think it's worth noting that she posted that picture with Bernard (and all of the pictures from her Insta story) in a separate post, because apparently she didn't get enough attention, and the picture of Michael and David was dead last in the post. Which seems fitting, given that the caption on the post was a "A weekend of vanity and insanity" and the first few pictures were of her, suggesting that she was using the picture of Michael and David to get more traction for her own pictures.

This ties into your comment, @longingtolinger-blog, because she did indeed post that story calling herself a "vain twat" just earlier in the same day as the story with the pic of Michael and David:

And I had the same thought, that it seemed as if she was trying to be self-deprecating, but it just...didn't land? It came across as awkward, mostly because vanity/being vain isn't really something to brag about. Do we all have moments of being vain? Of course. But Anna seems to be making it part of her personality, and it's just...not cute. Also, in the same way as Michael calling David his lover, you generally don't refer to yourself as a "vain twat" if you don't want people to think that you're a vain twat.

That said, I did see AL's Insta story from the 16th, and nearly three weeks later, it still doesn't make sense. As you said, how did she post this without a phone? Or, as we could infer, does this mean she got that note sometime earlier in the week, and waited at least several days just to stage this picture? Also, with two little kids around, how does it make sense for her to not even have a backup phone? We could certainly assume that she did, but the story above would suggest otherwise, since Michael had to email her (which is, for the record, about the least romantic correspondence imaginable). Let's also remember that on the 16th, Michael was still in the middle of being virulently attacked on Twitter after the events of October 30th, and Anna had plenty of opportunities to defend him. To say something like, "Michael's a great guy, he does a lot of charity work, he doesn't deserve to be attacked like this." Instead, it was all about her and what she gets from him. In fact, the week prior to the 16th, she posted another Insta story of flowers that he supposedly sent her, with that song "My Love Mine All Mine" in the story, thereby doubling down on bragging about him getting her things while saying nothing about him as an actual person.

Going back to the first story above, we know that Michael has previously been affectionately compared to the Tennants' dog Bernard (and David to their other dog, Myrtle). But as you said, given AL's history of making snarky comments about Michael's appearance, it feels a lot less affectionate and a lot more unkind coming from her. What surprised me about her Insta story the most, however, was how not surprising it was, as that story is actually not the first time Anna has "joked" about leaving Michael. And given that that seems to be an enjoyed pastime of hers, it almost seems like they would both be happier and better off if she actually did leave him.

It somehow becomes worse when we see this exchange, which took place on Twitter yesterday:

(Maybe she should get a refund, since she seems pretty unsatisfied with what she's got...)

Again, I would have no problem saying that this was just teasing or ribbing or whatever if it weren't for literally everything else in this post, plus what I've also talked about on my blog previously. But complaining about Michael like this publicly makes her come across as so damn rude and ungrateful. Contrast this with David "complaining" about Michael and it only makes the difference even more stark: That with David, there's a mutual respect and affection and reciprocation, which we do not at all ever see Michael do with her. And I can't help but think that if their relationship is as great as she would like everyone to believe, she wouldn't be on Twitter going back and forth with fans just to get that validation, as you mentioned.

Those are pretty much my thoughts on AL's posts/stories from the last month. It's interesting to me that more people seem to be noticing the weirdness of all this, and I appreciate both of you writing in. And as always, glad to hear from my followers about what you all think...

#artificial-indulgence #longingtolinger-blog #reply post #michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #i can't #how many times does AL need to 'joke' about leaving Michael before it isn't a joke anymore #i'm genuinely curious #but what's the old saying: when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time #the more i think about it the weirder this all seems #again if this was a one time thing i wouldn't even say anything #but i will leave it to my followers to make up their own minds #anna lundberg #relationships #thoughts #discourse

[simpliao]

that was the moment he realised ; (irl) schlatt x reader

– part one , – part two , – part three , – part four , – part five , – part six

summary : a weekend getaway vacation, just what the pair needed to get away from busy city lives. in just enjoying the moment, what once was a silly, dismissive thought to the male, now hits him straight in the face. and for once, he's okay with it.

info : fluff, mild swearing, she/her pronouns as well as reader being described as a woman (pretty girl), sappy, like really sappy but i adore it.

a/n : i actually adore fluffy schlatt, i always got the impression that he hides the fact he's the biggest softie out there to pretend to be more macho than he really is. considering i am sadly very much single, having some fluff like this is a comfort to me. so this is kinda just a comfort post where i have them gush about being in love. <3

The lack of any rustling but that of the leaves of the trees was a different, and almost bizarre thing to wake up to. Almost expecting to suddenly hear the burst of a car horn reminding him of his apartment being right on a busy street; and yet this peace remained. Pure rays of light slipped through the blinds, filling the bedroom with a gentle golden glow. Under his arm, Y/n slept cuddling into his side for warmth; the rented out cottage wasn't exactly the best insulated. With the utmost care, he slinked his arm away from her, mindful to not jostle her awake. Her form wrapped up in a French linen comforter, disheveled sure, but to the New Yorker she was too damn gorgeous for her own good. His eyes lingered before retreating from the room, short steps leading down into the open concept living room and kitchen.

Today was Sunday: the end of the weekend and their last day before they had to go back. It was oddly serene, seeing the living spaces highlighted by morning shine. Just checking the fridge, it was already pre-stocked with bougie shit that he didn't recognise. Even the milk was some kind of unpronounceable brand, acting as if it was above all the other milk brands. The memory of Y/n sometimes buying these kinds of things didn't pass him, a smile grew to his lips as they'd debate if fifteen dollars for specialty cereal was really worth it. That was when she has initially moved in, now he didn't bat an eye when things around their home moved around or suddenly gained new items that he was unsure about.

She slowly changed what was once a stinky bachelor pad into a presentable home, warm and cozy, especially when she made it a point to hang up pictures of the pair and establish a colour scheme for interior designing. Just thinking about it made him homesick, he even started letting her come to the office and change things around just so he could have reminders of her in his space. Although the two started their relationship in private, only really friends and family knowing and teasingly keeping it out of public eye for the sake of privacy. It was ultimately in vain since despite it being Schlatt's wish, he ended up spilling it to his viewers after having her show up in countless streams and endless twitter interactions. (All painfully flirty.)

Considering Y/n was also a public figure, some part jealously irked him when fans would inevitably ship her with other people. Getting it out in the public at least made that mostly die out, his liberal use of nicknames like 'my girl', 'sweetheart', 'doll', and 'pretty girl' even in front of the camera cemented the pair's bond. Considering the two's interactions were thousands of times cuter than her platonic interactions with friends, her fans ate that shit up.

"Good morning." Speaking of which, she groggily came down the stairs with a tired yawn. His shirt dressing her body, and despite what anyone else might've thought; all he saw was a goddess that descended from those steps. “Did I wake you? I was going to get started on breakfast.” Which wouldn’t be anything fancy since Schlatt wasn’t exactly the best cook. “It got so cold without you. I figured if I couldn’t sleep anymore might as well follow the heater downstairs.” She huffed out, fully descending the stairs to approach her boyfriend. Sitting atop one of two barstools of the kitchen’s island. He snuck glances in between of gathering things from out of the fridge. Her features highlighted by early light, easily one of the most angelic things he’s ever seen. Her eyes heavy as she was still in the rices of fully waking up, yet still remaining with a lazy smile as she watched from a short distance. “Take a picture.” She mused, rubbing her eyes slightly whilst teasing the male with one of her devilish smiles. “It’ll last longer.” “Oh shut up.” He dismissed despite holding one of his own.

The scene was serene, Y/n's gaze glued to her boyfriend of close to two years. While he always noticed her far off looks, he never realized it was because she was completely enamoured by him. Always watching over his figure, habitually dressed in basketball shorts and sweatshirts. (Of which she stole constantly, never bothering the brunette considering he adored seeing her wrapped up in his clothing.) Eyes always fixated on his face, whenever the pair were alone she got the privilege of seeing him in his softer side. Grins teasing at times, but commonly genuine and so loving. His intensely dark brown irises so filled with love whenever they met hers, always feeling like when she first fell for him; the butterflies never left. Where could she even begin with his curled caramel brown locks? Her fingers twitched, yearning for the pair to snuggle up and put on a movie; giving her the perfect opportunity to run her hands along his scalp.

In the grand scheme of things, they hadn't been together very long, neither having knowing each other long before completely falling into this state of love. What started as limerence grew to real, seldom true love. In such a simple scene, where the New Yorker had prepared (mostly uncooked) scrambled eggs and (slightly burnt) buttered toast, retiring to a seat beside his lover where the two chatted about whatever came to mind. The pair always having gazes filled with such enamour, adoration like their partner had hung the stars and moon.

"You know, I kind of wish we could stay." Y/n had spoken offhandedly, spooning the yellow mass onto one of her slices of toast. She followed up her comment soon after taking a bite, "I love this cottage... But, I wouldn't mind spending forever anywhere as long as I'm with you." Forever. The word poignant and sticking within his mind, spending forever with her, it was a thought he always briefly had. His insecurities drowned it out, fear of falling out of this kind of honeymoon, fear of her no longer looking at him like he looked at her. He feared that later down the line she wouldn't see him the same, he was scared to commit to her.

And yet, with her affirmation of always wanting to be with him, even if she spoke it in passing with it seemingly escaping her lips and being forgotten soon afterwards, it filled him with some kind of comfort unlike perviously when it'd fill with with anxiety and dread. Rather than worriedly question and wonder about the future, if she was his forever, from this moment on he realised just what kind of bliss that would be. Memories flashed his mind of what they had done this weekend, of what they'd done during the entire duration of their relationship... How it showed no sign of ever slowing down from the past two-ish years of their love. How he wouldn't trade all the money in the world for his darling, his pretty girl.

Just looking at her now, soft smile directed towards him, a kind of beauty he couldn't form into words radiating off her. He could spend forever like this. Mornings of home cooked breakfasts, afternoons working alongside each other and evenings of either going out or staying in. Everything seemed to make him excited, he craved to experience it all, experience it all with her at his side. She was his certainty, she would be it. His number one, his forever.

"Yeah..." He muttered out softly, pushing the mug to his lips to take a sip of bitterly black coffee. "I could spend forever with you too." Just seeing the way her eyes slightly squinted as she smiled made his heart burst, his hand found itself reaching over to brush his thumb over the edges of her lips to rub away crumbs. "You eat like a baby, you know that?" "But I'm your baby." She grinned, letting his hand linger on her cheek as his stare was nothing but overwhelming tenderness. Yeah, she was his. And in that moment he decided that he'd be sure to make it official, more official than just the common titles of boyfriend and girlfriend.

Because, that was the moment he realised... This was the girl he was going to marry.

#schlatt imagine #afab reader #irl people #jschlatt #reader insert #schlatt #schlatt x reader #schlatt x y/n #schlatt x you #chuckle sandwich #fluff #minecraft youtubers #sappy i know #comfort post #relationship #love #fanfic #she/her #x reader #female reader #fem reader #imagine #jschlatt x y/n #jschlatt x you #jschlatt x reader

[cafe-7-dream]

Little Lies

Note(s): Happy Holidays! Here’s my gift for y’all, hope it’s good since it hasn’t been beta-read. Hope y’all like it! I’m a bit nervous to post this, it’s my baby after all, but hey, what can I say? I’m delusional about Andy Park. ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡ Word count: 6k Warning(s): spying and recording? (it’s not nefarious) jail and prison sentence mentions, swearing, insecure/negative thoughts, talk of wanting to die, panic attacks, mention of throwing up

Jisung knew it was wrong, but what you don’t know can't kill you, am I right? 

He knew spying was morally— and probably legally— wrong. Throw the metaphorical cherry of recording on top of the oh-yeah-this-is-definitely-wrong-sundae, and voila! A prison sentence! 

Jisung didn’t want to go to jail, but he didn’t want to stop recording your sick skating tricks either.

If you are in a public space, you should expect your privacy to be violated! It’s common sense!

This is the defence Jisung just made up on the spot to spit out if you catch him red-handed with his borrowed camcorder in hand. Thankfully, he doesn’t end up having to use them since you are too focused on landing correctly and picking up speed on your board to notice him by the chain-link fence around the skate park.

The skate park is near the public basketball court where Jisung’s (self-proclaimed) best friend, Chenle, is currently too busy shooting hoops to notice that Jisung has wandered off. Lucky him, because Jisung could already imagine the teasing he would have to endure over filming a “pretty stranger”. He was only interested in the artistry thank you very much! 

Okay, maybe that was a little lie.

But it doesn’t matter. You are just a passerby in Jisung’s life, only never forgotten by the footage he films secretly.

Or are you?

It’d seem fate was on Jisung’s side, or against him, because you were at the skatepark once again the next Saturday. And the Saturday after that, and the one after that—you get the picture.

Jisung would encourage Chenle and the rest of his basketball club friends, vice-captain Jeno and captain Mark, to play street ball at the public court just so he could have a valid excuse as to why he also showed up near the skatepark every Saturday like clockwork.

It became a comfortable routine at one point. 

But all good things must come to an end, and Jisung wasn’t surprised that Donghyuck was the one to cause it.

“So that’s the person you fancy, ey?” Donghyuck—or Haechan that he keeps insisting on being called instead of his legal name— asked in his trademarked teasing tone.

Jisung jumped, caught red-handed with the camcorder pointed at you instead of the unofficial basketball match going on behind him.

“What? No!” Jisung tried to defend himself. 

But this was Haechan, so naturally, it was in vain. Haechan was a bloodhound at sniffing out gossip and rumours. He had to be, he claims, because he’s the school’s radio show host and the newscaster in the broadcasting club which Jisung also was a part of. That’s where he got his borrowed camcorder from.

“Oh-ho?” Haechan annoyingly wiggled his eyebrows. “Then you wouldn’t mind me going over there, right?”

Jisung wished the ground would just swallow him up right then and there.

Haechan was a known flirt, so Jisung knew that Haechan had no shame in trying to sweet-talk a stranger. 

That’d be embarrassing enough, but what if you actually fell for his charms?

That’d feel ten times worse, even though Jisung was already resigned to his fate as a passerby in your life. 

Over these past few weeks, he had indeed started fancying you, little by little. He knew he only liked the idea of you and was terrified of getting to know you and getting his perfect concept of you in his head destroyed. 

But Jisung was still a teenage boy with pride.

“No, of course not.”

And a liar.

“Sweet! Be right back!” Haechan took off before Jisung could falter and stop him.

Jisung cursed his fate—and his “friends”. 

This was not how he planned nor expected this Saturday to go. Why did Haechan have to force himself to tag along when he never had before? He had claimed that nothing was interesting about three sweaty boys playing with balls so why did he change his mind now? 

Jisung didn’t find them that interesting either, but he was grateful that they were too competitive and hyper-focused on the game to notice him wandering off. 

Jisung’s body froze.

Had they noticed? Had they spotted him while his attention was diverted?? Is that why Haechan already knew that Jisung had been transfixed by you before???

Oh no, oh no.

Jisung couldn’t believe this. 

When he turned around towards the court, he saw Chenle, Jeno and Mark all coming over, abandoning their game.

“So, Haechan’s picking them up for you?” Chenle asked between taking gulps of water from his water bottle.

“Or is he being a brat and picking them up for himself?” Jeno tagged on as he wiped the sweat from his brow with his shirt.

“No way, Haechan wouldn’t do that!” Mark defended. “Not to our baby Jisungie anyways.”

Jisung prayed to God for the strength to endure these assholes.

Tattletales, the lot of them. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Jisung lied through his teeth.

“Oh yeah, sure.” Chenle grinned provokingly. “You definitely haven’t been scoping them out every time we have gone here for the past month. It must’ve been someone else.”

“A ghost, maybe.” 

A chill went down Jisung’s spine, but he couldn’t pinpoint why. 

Was it because Mark thoughtlessly mentioned ghosts despite knowing damn well that Jisung was scared shitless of the supernatural? 

Was it because he now knew that he’d been spied upon this last month without his knowledge? 

Was it because Haechan was pointing at him while talking to you?

Wait, what?

Jisung turned his attention back to you two, and sure enough, you were now watching him because Haechan was stupidly pointing him out. 

Incredible. Amazing. Show-stopping. Spectacular.

Jisung respected Haechan dearly for his extrovertedness— he’s the only extrovert in the friend group besides Jaemin when he’s high from caffeine— but he kinda wished Haechan could break an arm or something at this very moment so they could flee the scene and never come back.

Preferably right now.

Alas, Haechan waved them over and his other treacherous friends grabbed him by the shoulders so he couldn’t bolt and drag him over to you.

Jisung’s mind and heart raced but he couldn’t get his stupid legs to obey him to take him far away. 

They just limply kept taking him closer and closer to his impending doom.

What a funny view this must’ve been for you. 

A lanky boy being almost entirely dragged by the friends that he towers over and should by all means be assumed stronger than when he’s actually the weakest strength-wise in the friend group.

Jisung hates his life.

Jisung’s legs and heart finally freeze, but he’s already near you now. 

You, who is talking to him? 

“You want to learn how to skate?” 

No.

“Yes.”

Oh my god, you idiot.

“Oh cool, do you have a board?” 

No!

“Yes?”

Jisung seemed to be short-circuiting because he couldn’t seem to say what he thought in his head, it all came out opposite to what he wanted!

“He didn’t bring it today,” Jeno fortunately lied to save him.

”Yeah, he promised to play ball with us!” Mark unfortunately lied when it’s obvious just by looking at them that Jisung was the only one not sweaty.

“I noticed you skate really well, and since none of us know how to and can’t teach Jisungie, maybe you could help out?” Haechan dramatically clasped his hands together and flashed puppy eyes.

God, smite him now. 

Jisung doesn’t care whether he goes to heaven or hell, he just wants to disappear.

“Of course!”

Scratch that, bring it back, what was that?

Did you agree? And you don’t even seem the least creeped out that strangers are boldly asking you for a favour! 

“Great, thanks!” Haechan patted Jisung on the back in either support or mockery. “We’ll be right over there at the court so just scream if he breaks something!”

Jisung’s friends scampered off before he could get a word in. Not that he could, since he was standing tongue-tied before you.

“So, you got a board. Do you know how to ride it yet?” You ask.

“No,” Jisung dumbly answers. Great. Now you’ll definitely see through his lies.

“Ah, a kind of I-will-learn-how-to-later purchase? I get you, I was the same way.”

You’re either incredibly kind by not calling Jisung out on his lies, or incredibly stupid.

Jisung preferred to imagine it to be kindness over stupidity. Or maybe not, since it meant you only played along despite knowing that he’s a seemingly compulsive liar.

“Well, we’ll start with learning how to balance and then go from there, it’s the most important basic of skating.” You place your board by Jisung’s shoes. “Place your feet near the ends of the board, your toes between the screws.”

Oh god, it slipped Jisung’s mind that he’d have to get on the board. He forgot that he couldn’t do this; he couldn’t even ride a bike properly yet! The last time he tried, another bike rider got pissy with him because he couldn’t ride in a straight line and kept swaying this way and that!

“It’s okay, I gotcha,” you said as you held your hands out for stability.

Jisung automatically placed his shaky hands in yours and stepped one foot on the board by the screws as you instructed. You swiftly placed your foot by the wheels on the other end, securing it in place.

“Good, now the other one.” 

Jisung must look so stupid right now, shaky without even having both feet above the ground. 

He’s grateful that you are nicer and more patient than he could ever have imagined.

Jisung bit the bullet and jumped fully on the board. It creaked beneath his feet but didn’t go anywhere. Jisung noticed that he had your hands in a death grip and tried to relax his grasp without much success. 

“Good! Now, bend your knees slightly.”

Jisung’s heart was about to burst out of his chest, but he did as you asked either way. 

“Find the centre of gravity. Balance your weight until you find it.”

Jisung shuffled a bit until he thought he could let go of your hands and not immediately faceplant. He did, indeed, let go once he realized that his hands were starting to get sweaty.

“You are doing great! Okay, now lock your knees in place.”

Oh god, you’re not about to do what he thinks you’re about to do, right? 

You placed your hands on his hips and pushed him. The wheels turned and the board went shakily forward. 

Jisung immediately felt himself losing his balance and reached out for anything to steady him. Your shoulders end up being just that thing, and he gripped on tight.

“You’re doing amazing!”

Physically? He hasn’t broken a bone yet. 

Mentally? In absolute shambles.

Hotel? Trivago.

Now’s not the time for jokes, Jisung is about to meet his maker!

The board continued to go forward despite Jisung’s prayers and he continued to hold onto you, his only saving grace from a hospital trip. It continued like that for what felt like a lifetime, but probably was only a few minutes in reality.

You helped him get off the board eventually, and Jisung had never been more grateful to stand on firm ground before.

“Good job! Same time next week?” You asked.

“Yeah,” Jisung breathlessly agreed before his mind processed the question.

“Great! Bring your board,” you cut in before Jisung’s mind caught up. “Oh, and a helmet and knee and elbow pads if you have them? I usually don’t use them unless I’m attempting a new trick that I know I’m going to fail several times before landing so I didn’t bring them today but I’ll bring them with me next week so you can borrow them if you don’t have any yet. You should invest in some though!”

Jisung is still coming down from the adrenaline of his near-death experience when you bid goodbye and ride off into the sunset. Literally. The sun had already set by now.

It was only on the bus on the way home that everything clicked into place and Jisung realised that he just agreed to put his life in danger again. 

Risking his life only to spend time with a pretty passerby.

What has he gotten himself into?

-

What has he gotten himself into, indeed, Jisung wondered as he stood in a skate shop Friday evening after school, a mere day away from your promised meet-up.

His friends—all six of them this time— explored the shop and advised him on which board to buy despite knowing jack shit about skating, just like him.

“No, this one is prettier,” Haechan argued loudly.

“Pretty isn’t the point, function is,” Renjun argued back. “And even if it was, then that one would totally win.”

Poor Jisung’s eardrums; why Renjun kept taking the bait leading to arguments with Haechan, he’ll never understand. 

Jisung had planned, before everything went ape-shit, to have a chill Friday night spent either sleeping early or gaming late, whichever caught his fancy. Instead, he’s blowing money just to spend time with someone he likes. Can he even say he likes you when he’s only spoken a few words to you? Jisung doesn’t know. He just wants to buy a board and get out of there.

“How about this one?” Jaemin asked as he pointed to a board on the wall filled with racks of them.

“Let’s just ask an employee, none of us knows what we’re looking for.” Mark, in his senior wisdom, replied.

And that’s precisely what they did, or rather, what Jeno ended up doing instead of Jisung as he was too intimidated to ask the clerk on his own.

At least he walked out of that store with the new purchase secured in hand. 

Mission accomplished. 

Now onto the next mission: not losing his one and only life. -

“I have a competition coming up.”

“Hmm?”

You and Jisung were currently taking a break, sitting on the ramp and eating snacks. 

Jisung was finally comfortable enough to skate around without assistance, but he valued his life enough to not attempt to do any tricks. Or make a move on you. 

He’s finally gotten over being tongue-tied and could honestly call you a friend now. A friend that he had a crush on. But he wouldn’t dare mention that to anyone but his six other friends who already knew of this. 

“-u listening, Jisungie?”

No, he wasn’t, and now he was distracted by the nickname you picked up from Haechan. “Jisungie” was the only name you ever called him by, which made him wonder if you thought that was his real name.

“No?” Jisung shyly admitted.

“I swear, sometimes I wonder what goes on inside your head. Like that time you had beef with a tree.” 

You laughed. God, how pathetic Jisung is to love to be laughed at, as long as you are happy.

“What? Don’t you know that trees are rude? Try talking to one and you’ll see.”

You laugh harder, and Jisung smiles wider.

“As I was saying: I have a competition coming up and wonder if you want to come and watch?”

“Of course!”

“Cool! It’s in two weeks on Saturday so I can’t see you next week because I have to practice.”

Jisung could feel his heart sink a little.

“Yeah, I gotcha. Don’t worry about it.”

“You could bring your camcorder if you don’t think it’ll be broken by a stray skateboard.”

Jisung’s heart picked up the pace. How did you know he had a camcorder?

“I’ve seen you before, filming me. I thought it was because you thought skating was cool at first, and then thought that you used the footage to study how to skate on your own when your friend approached me about teaching you how to. Either way, I’m cool with it so don’t worry if you chose to not bring it with you because you thought I would think it would be awkward or creepy or anything!”

Oh my god, you knew about him filming you! And you were cool with it! You were truly incredibly kind!

“Yeah, I could bring it and film you winning and then make a tape about it that you can watch later when you want to relieve the moment.”

Why did Jisung just offer that?

“Really? That’d honestly be so cool! Are you sure?” You excitedly asked.

Jisung thought he might kiss you if he had to look at your hopeful face any longer so he looked away.

“Of course, it’s nothing much. I could probably have it ready the week after the competition, in time for our next meet-up.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask, but is it really okay that I take over your Saturday every week?” You asked. “You don’t have anything better you would rather be doing, right?”

“No, I like being with you,” Jisung said a bit too honestly. Shit. Would you think he’s weird?

“Cool, me too! You’re really fun to hang around with. There’s never a dull conversation, that’s for sure!”

Jisung smiled while he bit down on his red apple.  -

Jisung could feel his veins pumping with adrenaline from where he stood in the crowd.

The skate park was packed with bystanders who came to watch the competition, and skaters were already warming up in the free space.

“Let’s try to find a better spot on higher ground, so we won’t only be seeing the backs of people’s heads,” Jaemin suggested.

Jaemin and Haechan tagged along without asking for permission first once they heard of where Jisung would be spending his Saturday. Secretly, Jisung was grateful that they came with him; he hates having to push through crowds alone.

Jisung held onto Jaemin’s backpack as Haechan led the makeshift train of three through the swarm. Finally, they found a good spot not too far away from the main event, but still less crowded with people.

“Full battery?” Haechan asked Jaemin when he took out a camcorder borrowed from the broadcast club from his backpack.

“I made sure to charge it completely since we’ll film for a long time. I think you said the competition would take about 3 hours?” Jaemin asked as he handed over a spare camcorder to Jisung to hold onto while he tried to untangle cords for the audio setup.

“That’s what Y/N said, anyways,” Jisung confirmed. 

“It’s the finals!” Haechan excitedly said, despite never showing an interest in skating before. “How did we miss that someone from our school made it to the finals? This is a good scoop for next week’s broadcast!”

Haechan was always on the lookout for new and exciting topics to cover during his radio show. That he’d be the first to rope Jaemin and Jisung into helping out with camera work and audio was unsurprising. They were all in the broadcast club after all. Jisung didn’t mind. He was here for you, not Haechan. But it was still nice to not come alone.

“Imagine if they win?” Jaemin asked. “We’d be the first to cover the scoop.”

Jaemin was currently on his third coffee of the day, which meant that he was 127% more likely to indulge in Haechan’s antics. Or create his own.

“We have to be professional and impartial during the broadcast.” Haechan dutifully stated, like a liar. “But we all know who our Jisungie is hoping to win.”

Jisung could feel his cheeks warm up. 

He couldn’t deny it, so he settled for saying, “Get ready, it’s starting soon.” 

The skaters had finished their warmups and stood on standby. The local newscasters who were invited by the event organisers to host the competition introduced themselves and the course. They also explained the semi-final rankings and the 2/5/3 competition format–two 45-second-long runs that can net the highest score of 100 with the 5 best single trick attempts also scored out of 100 counting toward producing 3 top scores (the best run score out of the two attempts where flow and consistency matters and the 2 highest scoring single tricks)– before calling up the first contestant.

The first skater made their way up the ramp. 

Haechan made a few comments on his own, but since he only researched the contestants and skating terminology a day before the event, he didn’t have much to add. Especially since the first skater wasn’t from their school or you.

The skater balanced their board with the tail on the ledge of the ramp. 

The background music started. 

The skater dropped down, the board picking up speed from the momentum.

Jisung was relegated to ensuring quality sound and audio since they all knew that if he was the cameraman, the footage would come out shaky from his nerves despite being behind the camera and not competing himself. He was quite happy with this task, however, since it meant that he could put headphones on in an attempt to drown out the booming music and cheers from the crowd. Jaemin was the assigned cameraman and he made sure to get clean footage of the contestants’ runs. Haechan made witty comments now and then, or just general statements about what was going on. 

When the contestant from their school got their turn, Haechan instantly became more invested. Jisung could feel his heart in his throat the entire time, but he didn’t know if it was because he wanted their fellow classmate to do well, or because you were the next skater. 

Once their classmate finished their run, Haechan continued his spirited spiel by introducing you. He had seen footage of your skating before by “borrowing” Jisung’s camcorder, so he was familiar with your style and had much more to say than the rest of the contestants. Jisung could already feel the upcoming headache of trying to edit the audio down.

You got ready and started your run with a drop-in just like every other contestant.

The drop from the ledge made Jisung’s heart drop to his stomach. He was more nervous than ever, but also elated to see you enjoying the wind in your face.

With the momentum built from the fall from the ramp, you did a basic ollie when flying over a bump. 

Jisung leaned forward, mesmerized, when you flew into the air and the board stayed on your feet. You stuck the landing, and Jisung let out a relieved sigh. He was too on edge to relax entirely yet though. You still had 40 seconds left on this run and then another attempt.

Next, you did an ollie to get up on a rail and then slid down it. 

35 seconds to go and you made another drop-in at the ramp on the other end of the course to pick up speed once again.

You may have gained a second wind, but Jisung felt winded already only from observing you. He was in disbelief over how effortlessly you make these tricks look when he knows for a fact that they are hard from how many times the other contestants failed or didn’t stick the landing while attempting similar tricks. 

Jisung was utterly, and hopelessly in love with this side of you, fully concentrated on your craft.

You finished off your last run with a 180 ollie up a bump to rail and went down the rail with a frontside boardslide.

The crowd cheered as you rode past them. Your and Jisung’s eyes met, and he automatically sent you a thumbs up. You smiled and raised your fist at him in lieu of thanks.

Now that you were done with your runs, Jisung could rest easy, right?

Wrong.

Jisung hadn’t felt this much anticipation and anxiety since he reluctantly showed recordings of his dancing to his friends– all of whom he knew would encourage and support him–after they had begged and nagged him to show his dancing for months. 

Did you win? Would you be disappointed if you lost? 

You were the best out there, and that’s not just Jisung’s bias talking; he had to listen to Haechan excitedly discussing your performance. By the smile on Jaemin’s face, Jisung knew he enjoyed it too despite not caring about skating in general. Jaemin just tagged along to witness “a love story for the ages in progress”.

After the last contestants’ runs, there was a break where the judges would count up all the contestants’ scores.

Jisung sat anxiously at the edge of his seat the entire break. He didn’t have the stomach to eat or drink anything Jaemin or Haechan tried to feed him, it felt like he’d just throw it back up.

Eventually, the judges announced that the official rankings were ready.

Jisung had his heart in his throat the entire time they listed off 10th to 5th place. Neither you nor the guys’ classmate had been announced yet.

Finally, in second place, a familiar name was announced.

Jisung cheered and so did Haechan and Jaemin.

They almost couldn’t believe it!

Their classmate made it to second place!

In all their joy and cheer, they almost missed the announcement of first place. 

Jisung didn’t, of course. His attention had been on you this entire time. 

He watched as your face lit up and you skated forward to be awarded the first-place medal. 

Jisung could feel hot tears start to prick his eyes out of overwhelment. He cried out and accepted the hugs that his friends offered him. Jisung felt on top of the world despite not having accomplished anything of his own yet.

He stuck around, waiting for you once Haechan left to annoy Renjun, wherever he was, and Jaemin went home to start editing the footage and audio.

“Hey.”

Jisung swivelled around, revealing you standing behind him. 

“Hey, you were amazing out there. Congratulations!”

“Thanks,” you say with a bright smile. “I could only do so well because I had my lucky charm with me.”

Jisung’s ears perked up. Why had he never heard of this before?

“Lucky charm?”

“Yeah. You”

Jisung inhaled sharply and choked on nothing. You patted his back while laughing at his coughing form. Jisung could feel the heat in his face so he tried to get his breathing back to normal before attempting to salvage the situation.

“You can’t say stuff like that! My heart can’t take it,” he ended up saying a bit too honestly.

“Okay, okay,” you reply, still with a toothy smile on your face. “Didn’t know you would react like that, my bad.”

You and Jisung stared at each other in comfortable silence, drinking in the moment.

Jisung broke the silence, by thoughtlessly offering, “Want to grab ice cream?”  

He could feel his breathing starting to get erratic again. It didn’t make it to a full-blown panic attack before you put him out of his misery.

“Of course!”

This was the best day in a long time.

-

This was the worst day in a long time.

“She was totally flirting with you, dude!” Haechan cornered Jisung one day before school started in the broadcasting club room to force out what happened after he left Jisung back at the skate park last Saturday.

“It’d be so romantic to confess at the end of the tape.” Jaemin tacked on, ever the romantic.

“This isn’t a rom-com.” Jisung bit out a little too harshly, but his adrenaline was pumping just at the mere thought of doing what he had just been suggested. 

Jisung’s a coward; he fears a lot of things. Some are relatively common fears like heights, bugs, and ghosts. And this? Rejection after confession? That definitely topped the list right now.

“C’mon, Jisungie!” Haechan goaded. “This is the best way to confess, you don’t even have to look at them because you’re looking at the camera lens.”

“Plus, you get to redo it if it comes out wrong,” Jaemin added. “It’s the best way!”

“Mind your own business.” Jisung dismissively said despite his racing and turning thoughts. “We’re on in five.”

”This isn’t over!” Haechan got the last word in before settling down at the newscaster's desk and reading through his cue cards in anticipation of going live for the school's morning news.

Jisung’s mind wandered during school like it usually does. He was thinking about you which wasn’t unusual. But this time he was seriously considering and planning out his confession, which was a subject he had tried to not even think about before unless he would revert back to his nervous state around you again. Jisung wrote and rewrote a cue card during class and desperately hid them from his friends’ prying eyes during recess and lunch. He wanted to do this entirely on his own, with no input or interference from anyone else. Jisung wanted his confession to come straight from the heart, regardless of whether it turned out clumsy or not. 

Jisung sat down at his desk at home to fine-tune his cue card for the last time before hitting record, the first of many takes. 

-

Jisung knew he was worrying you. 

This— his overthinking and jumpy nature— was exactly why he never seriously considered whether he had a shot with you or not, he knew that the thoughts would fray on his already anxiety-prone nerves.

“Are we going to talk about it?” You ask after he jumped away when you touched shoulders while sitting down on the ramp.

“Talk aBoUt what?”

Oh my God.

A voice crack? Really? Jisung was way past puberty by now! 

“This?” You gesture.

“You just gestured to all of me.”

“Exactly!” You empathised. “You’re being jumpy, you haven’t been jumpy with me since like the first few times we met. Did something happen?”

“No.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” Jisung made you jump back with how fast he turned around to reassure you. “You haven’t done anything, I swear!”

And that was the truth. He was just scared of what you were going to do once you saw the tape on the USB that lies hidden in his backpack. 

Were you going to hate him? Think that he was creepy? Finally cut ties with him after realising you are so way out of his league?

Jisung took a deep breath to still his negativity-prone mind like his therapist advised him to do when he gets stuck in a cycle of negative and unhelpful thoughts.

“It’s just-“ he tries but reconsiders. “The tape. That I’m supposed to give you.”

Jisung doesn’t know how to formulate this well without giving himself away.

“Do you need more time?” You ask.

“No, it’s done.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah.”

God. He sucked at this. Why was he so awkward?

“Then, can I have it? I promise to watch it the full way through since you put effort into it. I haven’t seen it yet but I bet it’s good, but only because you made it.”

You’re such an angel, too sweet for him. No, that is an unhelpful thought. You were kind, and that’s a fact. Even if you don’t feel the same way, you would let him down gently, Jisung was sure of it.

Your sweet encouragement got Jisung to move his body to take out the USB and hand it over to you.

“Let me know what you think next week. I’ve got to go home. Mom’s calling.”

A brave coward, that’s what Jisung was. 

He couldn’t even look you in the eyes as he sprinted away from the skatepark. 

It was actually getting pretty late, you had endured Jisung’s weird behaviour for longer than he would’ve thought. But that’s what you do, surprise him again and again with being a better person than what he could dare imagine. He just hoped you wouldn’t break his bare heart. He had an inkling that you would, no matter how gently you turned him down. -

Next week Jisung ran late to your usual scheduled time. He was usually early and the first to get there but this time he wasn’t as eager. He was in for a bad time, he could feel it in his gut.

Nevertheless, he didn’t want to stand you up so he dragged himself out of the house and on the bus to the skate park.

You were sitting on the ramp, doodling on the tape of your skateboard like you were prone to do. Each time you met up, the tape sported a new addition. Somehow, this show of normalcy eased Jisung’s heart a little.

When you heard Jisung’s shoes scraping against the gravel, you looked up and smiled at him.

Maybe you haven’t seen the tape yet?

You jumped down from the ramp and placed your pen on the board and pushed it towards Jisung. 

It stopped a few feet away from him.

Jisung bent down to pick it up when he noticed the new doodle in red.

WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME? 

YES NO

His lungs stopped functioning. 

Were you serious? Have you actually seen the tape and thought Jisung was worth something? Have you seen something in him that you actually liked? Did you like-like him or did you just pity him? Were you going to laugh at him if he didn’t circle NO?

With shaky hands, Jisung circled YES. 

He put the cap back on the pen and put it back on the board that he gently shoved back to you. He slowly raised himself back to his full height and eagerly drank in your reaction. It was hard to decipher your face, it’s like nothing gave way for whether you were going to kiss him next or burst out in laughter. Jisung doesn’t think he could take being laughed at right now.

You skate over to him, feet on the fresh graffiti and Jisung’s heart sinks to his stomach.

Ah, this was it then. You were going to tell him that it was all a joke and you didn’t like him back.

“Wassup, boyfriend?”

Jisung could feel tears start to prick his eyes. 

He couldn’t do this. 

Not now. Not here. Not with you.

“-Jisungie?”

Jisung couldn’t hear anything. He shut his eyes to try and limit the sensory overload. 

He was spiralling and he knew it, but he couldn’t stop. 

Suddenly he felt a soft warmth on his lips.

When he clocked back into reality, you were standing on your board, face inches from his.

“I said: do I have to kiss you to wake you up, Jisungie?”

“Yes.” Jisung breathlessly replied a beat too late.

You smiled at him and he could feel his cheeks warm up.

“Alrighty, you get another free for being cute.”

Jisung couldn’t start processing that you just called him cute to his face before the warmth was back on his lips.

This time, he was a little bit more prepared and kissed back.

When you pulled back, both sported toothy grins at each other.

“Be honest,” you whisper to not break the moment. “Do you actually like skating, or do you just like me?”

Jisung was a coward. And sometimes a liar.

“You.”

But sometimes he bravely told the truth.

#nct dream x reader #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #park jisung x reader #jisung park x reader #jisung x reader #jisung park fluff #jisung park angst #jisung fluff #jisung angst #park jisung angst #park jisung fluff #my fics

[atla-genderbender]

ATLA Gender Bender: Firelord Ozai

"You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher."

The principle behind this AU is to swap the genders of the main cast (Aang, Katara, Sokka, Toph, Zuko) and other characters where it enhances the story. This means that most child characters, like Azula and Suki, are also swapped, but adults are swapped on a case by case basis. This is especially true for characters who had a formative influence on the main characters, like parents and other role models. If you swap a given character and their parent(al figure)s, this alters the character's personality more than swapping that character without swapping their parents. Sometimes this effect is subtle, and sometimes it is large. This is why I would avoid swapping the genders of a character's parents, unless it makes sense to do so.

In the case of Zuko's parents, I do not think it detracts from the story to swap their genders. I would even go so far to say that some things are enhanced by swapping both Ozai and Ursa. Female Ozai fits surprisingly well into the role of an "evil empress". "Urson" also works as a "papa bear" character. A female Ozai would contrast well with a female Zuko, serving as a "good queen" "evil queen" dichotomy. I also find it fascinating to think about what would change and what would stay the same if Ozai's gender was also swapped. 

I picture female Ozai being no less evil or sadistic as normal Ozai. Unlike Ozai, she would have to maintain the image of a good mother to her children, and a good daughter to her father. This is especially interesting if she is the first female Fire Lord in a line of male Fire Lords. She would be a queen who has to strike the perfect balance of femininity and power in order to please her court. A woman who possesses bewitching beauty to conceal a wicked, sadistic soul. I think she would be very narcissistic and cruel, obsessed with being beautiful and powerful at once.

I attempted to convey this through her design, which could be tweaked in many respects. To explain the rationale behind her design, the Fire Lords of Avatar draw from East and Southeast Asian influences. Firelord Ozai's hairstyle is Chinese inspired (see: atlaculture.tumblr.com/post/65…), but his clothing is Burmese inspired (see: atlaculture.tumblr.com/post/63…). As such, I decided to base the hairstyles of female Fire Lords on East Asian hairstyles worn by female rulers.

It feels inevitable that female Ozai would be compared to Wu Zetian. I wanted to minimize these comparisons, and make it clear that female Ozai is not supposed to be a representation of Wu Zetian. Doing so would unfairly demonize a real historical figure. Still, I could not resist including a couple of elements inspired by Fan Bingbing as Wu Zetian in "The Empress of China" (see: dwvyw8kf1avne.cloudfront.net/s…). This is what inspired female Ozai's red makeup, and the stylized phoenix headdress that she wears. Other design elements are not inspired by Wu Zetian, but other portrayals of powerful queens and empresses in Chinese dramas. Namely, Empress Du Feihong in "The Glamorous Imperial Concubine". I hope that the final design is so stylized that it is clear that she is not supposed to represent a real historical figure. I attempted to simplify her headdress in a way that could be easy enough to animate while still making it clear that she is wearing a ridiculous amount of gold and rubies on her head. This is meant to contrast with female Zuko's design. Where female Zuko is humble, female Ozai is vain.

In the end, I am dissatisfied with the design I came up with, for reasons I will explain under "OUTFIT DESCRIPTIONS".

This design approach diverges from the design principles behind the one female Firelord shown in Avatar, that being Izumi. I took liberties with hairstyles, but did not change the masculine style of robes. I felt this would diverge too far from the pre-established rules of Avatar. Additionally, I think it creates an interesting contrast between a feminine hairstyle and masculine robes, especially if Ozai and "Zuka" are the first female Firelords in a long series of male Firelords.

The phoenix imagery actually makes more sense if Ozai was a woman, since the fenghuang is traditionally a feminine entity. I also think it would be cool if she was still named "Ozai", kind of like how "Ty Lee" is very feminine but has a masculine name. It would also imply that "Ozai" isn't the name she was born with, but a name she adopted for its meaning "large presence". 

I picture Grey Griffin as the voice of female Ozai. Specifically, how she voices adult characters, like Ming Hua in LOK and the female Viltrumite from Invincible. I don't think that she should have the same voice as Azula, but Grey Griffin could give her a venomous and vicious voice that would fit her really well.

OUTFIT DESCRIPTIONS:

1: Firelord Costume

I am dissatisfied with the hairstyle I came up with for female Ozai's Firelord costume. I have written previously about my concerns that viewers would conflate her with the real life Wu Zetian. In order to minimize these comparisons, I tried to make elements of her hairstyle abstract instead of authentic to real life costumes. However, I do not think I was successful in achieving my goal. When I first started drawing female Ozai, I knew little about hanfu, and have since learned more about traditional Chinese costumes. The crown that I gave her is clearly inspired by fengguan, which is a distinctly Chinese element. Given Ozai's affinity for phoenixes, I can't not picture female Ozai wearing some sort of fengguan. The design I came up with is flawed, as it is something that "looks Chinese" without being authentic to Chinese costume design. This could come across as offensive. The best approach would be to fuse the Chinese element of the fengguan with other cultural influences, so that the result is something that is not specifically Chinese. I took some time to try to come up with a better design, but to be transparent I am approaching creative burn out with this project and was unable to come up with a better design. I guess this speaks to my limits as an artist.

With all of this said, these designs are best viewed as a first draft and not the final product. These are meant to give an impression of what her character would look like, and could use more sets of eyes to review and improve the design.

2: "Phoenix Queen" Costume

In the second costume, her cape is somewhat inspired by Maleficent's cape in "Sleeping Beauty". Maleficent's appearance also helped inspire female Ozai's widow's peak and facial structure. As I mentioned before, her costume is inspired by the real life apsara. She has dressed herself in the image of a goddess of fire.

3: "Phoenix Queen" Costume, after removing crown and cape

The third costume is supposed to be how female Ozai would appear at the start of her fight with "Aangi". I intended for her to have the same body type as the female Viltrumite "Thula" from "Invincible". I also think that female Ozai's voice would sound like Thula's. I picture her as a warrior queen who spends a lot of time training, giving her an athletic and muscular appearance. I think she would appear more physically intimidating if she has some muscle mass on her frame. This being said, there are a lot of different athletic body types. A less bulky but athletic body type could arguably fit her better.

4: Appearance after being defeated by "Aangi"

The fourth costume is supposed to be how female Ozai would appear at the end of her fight with "Aangi". Since she doesn't have a goattee, I think "Aangi" would grab her by the gold part of her top. I think it would be cool and dramatic if "Aangi" ripped this part of her costume off. In the heat of battle, female Ozai loses the gold parts of her costume, and a waterbending attack by "Aangi" washes off her makeup, exposing her as a false goddess.

Her finger nails and toenails are painted and sharpened, to resemble the talons of a phoenix.

Like what I’m doing? Consider leaving me a donation via Ko-Fi.

#ozai #avatar the last airbender #atla genderbender #genderbending #rule 63 #gender bender #genderswap #genderbend #my art #my headcanons

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

Talk to us more about miatas. The sillies

There's so much I could say about it, but I feel like a nice thing to do is to start from Miataland, the wonderful place I alluded to in my kei car post (you really ought to read that section before this post) - or more specifically its collection, for despite being some half-hundred Miatas, it's not monotonous at all.

While sure, there is some bit of "this one's a different color!" going on (which I definitely can't say I understand, but being a collector often comes with being a completionist), the bulk of the collection is extremely varied - not least because the above is just the first of the four generation the Miata has been sold for.

Well, more accurately the MX-5, since that's the only official name that lasted all throughout, with the American "Mazda Miata" being ditched by the third generation in favor of MX-5 and the Japanese "Eunos Roadster" name turning to "Mazda Roadster" with the second generation since the Eunos brand got nixed. And every generation, known by the two-letter codes that represent the model in their chassis number (VIN for yankees) that span from NA to ND, has further changes within it!

The NB, seen left in the beautiful 10th Anniversary Edition, received interior and exterior updates in 2001, seen right in the rare Mazdaspeed Turbo edition, one of the extremely few factory turbo Miatas (leave it to Mazda to turbocharge a sportscar engine and manage to gain only 26hp out of it) - and, being more of a huge update of the NA than a new car, it retained the two engines, the 1.8L that many have because they say it's the better engine and the 1.6L that many say is the better engine because it's the one they have (though updating the 1.8 with Variable Valve Timing for, in other markets, more power, and, in the US, less more power).

The NC did it one better - not only did it get an exterior refresh and two engines -1.5 and 2.0- but it even had different tops, with an optional "PRHT" electric metal top that further cemented its reputation as a big fat boat of a Miata, for its outrageous increase in size (two inches all around) and weight (up to 90kg or 200lb). No, seriously. This generation is actually extremely overlooked, so much so that Andrea, the owner of this whole shebang, only has two (which I do appreciate is quite an insane sentence). But that means you can scoop one up for not that much, and I do recommend it!

The ND, instead, is quite the enthusiast's darling - how many cars these days get smaller and lighter with a newer generation? How many cars out there are no bigger nor heavier now than thirty years ago? Oh and also just look at it. Once again, a refresh (i.e. "The lights are 'new', the mirror's bigger, and there's a software update! Please care :)") was just unveiled, and you can get them in 1.5 and 2.0 flavor and optionally with the "RF" hardtop on the left. Well, not those two you can't, because the one on the right is the only example of the 300-unit 30th Anniversary Edition in Italy, and if you think Mr. Miataland can't flex harder on the Corvette dads of America who insist theirs is super rare because of that specific year (that is no different from the others) with that specific combination of options (that is in no way special) with that (random) color they only made 503 (and yes there's many people like that), the other car in this picture is a 1-of-1 Miataland edition. I should clarify: he didn't just make up his own special edition; Mazda asked him to make up his own special edition for them to build for him to celebrate his collection. Which, I want to stress, Andrea is not at all vain about. And props to him because if that happened to me I cannot fathom being humble about it.

Hell I am not humble about having sat in this M2 (IT'S INCREDIBLE!!!! IT FEELS NEW IT SMELLS NEW), imagine owning one PAIR.

Which also makes an important point: the Miata is probably one of the cars they made the most special editions of. I mean, G-limited, R-Limited, S-Special, S-Limited, RS-Limited, SR-Limited, VR-Limited A, VR-Limited B, Tokyo Limited, V-Spec II, 93LE, BBR Turbos and of course the M2 1001, 1002 and 1028. And want a kicker? Have three: those are just the first generation ones, and just the ones he owns because there's some he's missing, and they're not even all the special first generation Miatas he has - because we've not even gotten to modifications.

From fiddling with the engine as per the supercharged one in the foreground or outright replacing it as per the 5.0L V8 (!) one in the background...

...to completely altering its shape by way of changing bumpers and lights, as per this Pitcrew kit-adorned example...

...to just fucking making it an extremely bad Ferrari 250 GTO... replica? It's so far off I can't even tell if it's sincerely trying.

And such modifications are genuinely innumerable. I could hit the image limit just with full-transformation body kits for the first generation Miata, let alone all the weird bumpers, side skirts, spoilers, mirrors et al across all of them!

And that's the thing about the Miata - it can go in so many directions and will take it just fine. That's what they mean when they say Miata Is Always The Answer (M.I.A.T.A.): classy old roadster cruiser?

Miata! Get the Nakamae quilted interior bits and any of the plethora of chrome accessories and you're good to go! Barebones weapon?

Miata! The existence of CarbonMiata alone is proof enough that you'll have no problem sourcing weight reduction bits. Serious track car?

Miata! Even a stock one will be competent in autocross (oh right, we're trying to be accessible: "What If We Pretended This Parking Lot Was A Racetrack? We Have Cones!") and you're going to spend six digits before you run out of possible upgrades. Silly track car?

Miata! The thing is so small and light that you can just upgrade it with stock components from bigger cars, and they made a million of 'em (not hyperbole) so even if the bit you're looking for isn't one of the plenty used in many other cheap cars it will still be in plentiful supply. Drift car?

Miata! Obviously you can get drift modifications for it, it's one of the cheapest rear wheel drive sportscars out there. You can use a stock one or go as hard as you want, DestroyOrDie makes front suspension components that allow for more angle and of course every suspension you could want is available. Rally car?

Miata! This is an actual 90s picture, they even used a couple for ice racing! Rock climber?

Miata! Paco Motorsport makes a lift kit for them and the owner of the one in picture, Jimmy Has No Garage, also sells a kit they codeveloped with Godspeed Project, and that's just to talk about off-the-shelf solutions! Four seater?

Okay, maybe that's a bit of a stretch. Pun intended.

And again, please note: all these are just the first generation.

The Miata really is an insanely versatile car that was so beloved all over the world all through the years that from the most outlandish to the most minute every part of it has been taken in every imaginable direction, most often by people who dedicated their lives to it. The enthusiastic curiosity it oozes has thoroughly proven contagious.

And throughout the years it remains determined to get to experience more adventures! You find a ton of them that racked up hundreds of thousands of miles with nothing but a happy owner to show for them. Road and Track notably bought one with some 350k miles and were, shall we say, impressed.

(How's that car going now? Who knows, they put it up for sale after eight years and a car chase) Like I like to say of many old Japanese cars, it'll keep going until it dissolves. Its only real problem is it's very prone to dissolving, so look out for rust.

And now, since today is Halloween, y'all have a chance to scare me for good: I have a list of modifications I would do to a Miata were I to own one. (And have lots of money. (And lots of time. (And a clue how to turn a wrench. (And probably other requirements I am forgetting about.)))) It is an extremely, extremely long list. Like, over a hundred items long. WAY too long for one post. Probably too long for a chain of ten. Where was I going with this? Huh, I must have been thinking out loud again. Anyhow, here's a poll. It boosts engagement!

Links in blue are posts of mine about the words in question - if you liked this post, you might like those!

#mazda mx-5 miata #miataland

[queen-of-elves]

Is this hell?

Niragi Suguru x fem!reader

Highschool AU(?)

Summary: the original idea post

Word count: 3,3K

Warnings: Niragi lol (not in like haha my babygirl but literally this man is psycho please beware so), bullying, mentioning of blood and violence, two or three mentionings of y/n, it's not proofread so I apologize for any kind of mistakes

A/N: I am not condoning any of Niragi’s actions, I too think he should rot in hell and his actions are unforgivable that being said this fanfiction purpose is not  to glorify etc anything about him plus it’s not meant to be in any sort a darkfic (I myself can’t read those.) btw I am also tagging some people who liked the post :))

*****

Part 1: highschool

Since Suguru Niragi could remember, he was always a loser, always weaker than anyone else. Girls laughed at him and boys bullied him and if someone could actually handle looking at him, their face only showed pity. His school years were spent alone somewhere in a corner or just far away from potential troubles. There was a possible hope in going to high school in a completely different district but even that proved useless. Niragi still looked like a prey and if there is a prey, there is also a predator. So he would become as small as he could to hide but sometimes even that wasn’t enough.

These three boys picked on him since the first week of school, like if they could smell his fear, they preyed upon him, made the boy with glasses buy them snacks or lunches from his own allowance and would get pissed off at the end of the month if he didn’t have any money left for their cigarettes. And them getting pissed ment only one thing, punishment, in reality that was just an excuse to bully him harder than on the days the three boys were bored. Oftentimes the punishments were very unoriginal, that kind a child could come up with, other times the originality was astonishing, something no one in their sane mind would be able to come up with. Maybe the boys were just that, not mentally sane, or maybe an evil devoured them the moment they were born and so they did the same to others. An eye for an eye sort of thing.

By the last year of highschool Niragi couldn’t take it anymore, over the years his attempts for finding help ended in vain, no one was willing to stop them and in the end it was as if no one knew he was bullied, as if people didn’t notice his scared eyes and bruises. But Niragi didn’t know what was coming that day.

 The boys dragged him to the bridge and this time it was not only the main trio but also a few of his other classmates. All of them cheered while he became a target of their baseball practice. Maybe he did something to them today that made even those classmates of his participate, Niragi couldn’t be sure anymore. No, it didn’t matter actually, any kind of word as a reasoning now was just an excuse trying to justify the bully's behavior. The abuse was too much and he was almost on his tipping point.

“Ts, you move one more time and I will make you eat it again.” The bully swung the baseball bat again while glancing around him. “Rice with piss.” He was the type who throws their head back when laughing too much. Was making him eat it so funny? 

Suguru’s nose was bleeding. He could feel it before he tasted the coppery taste in his mouth and his vision was blurry, the first hit with a ball shattering his glasses on the ground. This had to be hell, purgatory or something, there had to be some divine reason, something to justify this torture. He hated himself, of course he did and through all of this pain a quick thought flashed in his mind. Maybe if he was in their position he would do the same, bully the weak.

“Yes? Oh, I would like to report fighting, they have (school name) uniforms, please be quick.” Niragi didn’t even realize that someone else was now watching him struggle to breathe, a girl in the same highschool uniform. Her voice sounded meak, scared and as if she was on the verge of tears, but she was standing like a picture of confidence with her eyes trained on one of the bullies. 

“The fuck do you think you are doing, eh?” One of the bullies started to yell, however the girl didn’t even flinch, she just calmly closed the flip phone, slipping it back into her jacket. Now that Niragi had time to fully adjust his vision, which was still very blurry, he realized who the girl was.  Not only was she another student from his highschool, she was one of his classmates from the same homeroom. Y/N, that was her name, she wasn’t a prominent figure in the school, not really significant like class president or something, but she was there and she was always quietly watching. She was the type Niragi aspired to be, someone who had friends and someone who gets invited to things like karaoke or dates. Dates, she probably got a loads of confessions, in no way was she the school idol but you had to be blind to think she wasn’t pretty. 

“I just reported you to the police, didn’t you hear? They are going to be here pretty soon.” Y/N was now laughing lightly and the whole group looked pissed, really pissed this time. What was she thinking, they were surely going to kill her for this. One of them ripped the baseball bat out of the grasp of the last one, ready to swing it at her.

“If I were you I wouldn’t do it.” Tight lipped smile slipped on her face, her eyes staring momentarily at him. “After all, if the police arrive and find me hurt or in a worse state… it would be just worse for all of you, wouldn’t it?” Her smile now contented many teeth, white with little yellow grinning at his abusers. Her cheeks raised, it was a genuine smile, she found this whole situation truly amusing.

By now the boys thought about the risk and decided that their little prey was not worth it, at least for now. “Whatever, bitch. Oi, boys, we are done here, let’s go for a drink.” The oldest commanded and all of them swiftly following his example started to walk away. Their departure also included some rude comments thrown at her and the last one, youngest of all of them, he was two grades below them and was very keen on becoming like them for some reason, readying punch in the air just to cease the action when the girl didn’t spare him even a glance. 

She was now staring at Niragi intensely, without blinking, and then she finally opened her mouth and said. “Suguru Niragi, right?” The boy could only nod to her question. Her gaze changed direction, now at his feet staring at something on the ground. That’s when Niragi got reminded again of his blurry vision, she was looking at his glasses before her eyes once again returned to his face. 

“Hey, Niragi… let’s be friends.” At that moment Niragi knew that those curious eyes actually looked at him, no pity, only interest beaming behind them.

And maybe his life was not a hell, maybe from now on it would get better.

**************

The bullying indeed got better, didn’t stop but got much more bearable with her by his side. She wasn’t by any means a sunshine person, most of the time she was silent, which made him incredibly nervous and twitchy, however, when she spoke it was always something interesting. The girl never showed interest when it came to boring things, instead it seemed that her head turned at anything slightly fascinating. It was in pure contrast with her appearance, a normal highschool girl that never got herself in trouble but always was witness to some. She really did have a knack for these kinds of situations.

So his new friend dragged him along, trouble never catching up to them out of pure luck or maybe it was like her superpower, that's what the boy always thought. After a few weeks of their friendship Niragi felt content, finally he had a light at the end of the tunnel, a safe spot for himself in the world. He didn’t yet realize that soon their paths would divide when it came to college and his sunny days could be over again. But for now he enjoyed her company, after all there was still at least 4 months before the graduation. 

Part 2: bordeland

College was another new start and with the promise of keeping in touch with his now sort of, Niragi wasn’t still sure, best friend, he was ready for new experiences. The first few weeks were fine, school was fun again and it seemed that he made a few new friends along the way. He now got invited to parties and shared dinners and genuinely had a good time for such an introvert. 

However, his little bubble of happiness was meant to burst on one of the shared dinners after a long day of lectures. It was one of the days packed with long seminars and Niragi was ready to relax with his classmates over some good food and a bit of beer when it happened. They were sitting in the back of the restaurant, most of them already sporting one beer in hand when another group of people walked in. Loud and obnoxious yelling followed them and Niragi swore he recognized some of the voices. 

The now college student should have known better, he did know them, of course he did, they made his life miserable for what felt like an eternity. Those bullies that proved to him the awfulness of humankind. The only thing Niragi now hoped for was that they would not notice him, that they wouldn't recognize him but he hadn't changed at all. The same hair, the same kind of glasses and the same scared expression.

And then it happened, one of them turned and his gaze became trained on him, his before yelling face turned into a horrible grin. This guy loved to push young Niragi’s face into the toilet, that was his thing, he really wasn’t that original in the means of “punishment” but he was still part of the group and that defined trouble. 

“NO WAY!” His voice boomed through the restaurant, stopping the conversation at the table Niragi was sitting at. Most of his fellow classmates were now staring at the guy with confused or irritated expressions.

“Guys! Look who is there, Sugura Niragi.” His grin grew with these words and his friend’s attention was now at him, staring and waiting for any kind of elaboration. 

Niragi didn’t know where to look, if he looked into the restaurant, he could see what felt like thousand of eyes staring at him, if he looked around the table he would get confused looks expecting explanation and if he looked before him he would look into the eyes of one of the most hated people by him, so he stared blankly into his glass, hoping that all of this could just disappear. Maybe she could just magically appear and save him once again, more like a thousand times again actually.

“You know each othe-'' But before one of his classmates could finish the question the booming voice sounded again. “Know him? Of course. Didn’t he tell you?” The rest of the guys were now coming closer, also recognizing him. Their laugh was like tiny little needles poking him and their whispers turned his stomach. His current classmates now could hear about how pathetic he was in highschool and Niragi knew that it was back, it was there again, he felt small and stupid. Did the universe really hate him this much?

But this time Niragi had a choice, he could just leave and ignore it and so he did. He rushed out leaving the payment on someone else’s shoulders while dodging and kind of arms that tried to grab at him, keep him at the hellhole. He runned for what felt like hours, sprinting down the streets until he was sure there was no way one of them could follow him. He felt terrible and knew that sleep would not come this night to him and it truly didn’t. He layed in his bed for hours until exhaustion took him out with a sweet promise of blissful ignorance of the nightmare he again became part of. 

The next day was even more painful than the night before, he had to face his classmates and so when the time finally came and he had to approach someone, he chose Ayato. Ayato was always a smiling tall guy with slightly longer hair hiding the corners of his eyes and a mole under the right corner of his lips. He was a good guy, the kind of guy who would send you notes from the lecture if you asked him. However, now he looked like an instant death in Niragi’s eyes but there was no other choice than to talk to him.

“I wanted to pay you back, you probably had to pay for me when I suddenly left last night.” He couldn’t meet Ayato’s eyes, he couldn’t see in them how pathetic he was, not again, he couldn’t take it anymore. This was his burning point and there was no coming back.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it, man.” Ayato laughed and went back to rummaging through his backpack. Did he bother him, no, this was probably just a tactic on how to not have further conversation with him. Just appear busy and that pathetic loser Niragi will leave. Did they all really view him as pathetic? Fuck. They probably did. They must have laughed at him when he left with the whole group of his old classmates, his bullies. 

World really is cruel.

And this was the point when he decided to change and so over the following years his sorrow turned into anger, burning and scorching flame that alighted everything inside that was still alive and breathing, the rest of the hope. The little happy moments were not enough. For example, going to college? He fucking deserved it for all the shit he went through so he didn’t expect anything else than to get accepted into one. He also still maintained some sort of contact with Y/N, both of them got quite busy in college, however otherwise Niragi had isolated himself.

But oh, how he wished those guys that tormented him could see Niragi now, he changed, just like his hardened heart he hardened his appearance. Piercings adoring his face and tongue, silver glistering as warning signs. He looked like a danger, no more the prey look and nervous stare, he was to be feared now. And it wasn’t just his appearance, he became rough and cruel slowly becoming just like those he despised but he always justified it in his mind that it was for his own good.

And so came another punishment for his foolishness.

The gods really hate me, hm? That was his first thought at the empty streets of the city which he once found overly crowded. “Is this hell!?” His yelling echoing down the long corridors of empty sidewalks and alleys.

 It must have been days since he woke up in the silent city, he didn’t know what else to do now that there was no one, so he drank and drank all the alcohol he could find. And in one of his drunken moments they found him almost passed out in one of the dirty alleys near Shibuya. At first he didn’t want to go with them, too drunk out of his mind to understand what they were telling him, but they grabbed him and… that's all he could remember, he probably passed out. 

When Niragi woke up his head was pounding and his throat felt sore but all of that was swept under the rug with the realization that under him were soft white sheets instead of harsh pavement. Slowly, as he could manage without his head shooting needles in it, he sat up upon the bed, he really was in a clean room, a hotel room but any kind of thinking was stopped with the hotel room’s door opening. This uninvited guest sported a kimono and sunglasses were obscuring his eyes. 

“You must be the newbie, let me welcome you properly at The Beach, the only paradise in The Borderland.” The man was grinning widely and Niragi was sure of his interior motive but who gives a damn, he was the first person he had a proper conversation with in days. 

And so his career as a player for beach and handsman for Aguni began.

Working for The Beach was on most days such a great fun, but it was as if Niragi slowly forgot that this was also real and just submitted to his dark thoughts full of violence and blood. He stopped caring about consequences or what was morally right, nothing mattered in his world to him and he verified it through the actions of others. He met vile criminals and monsters in the disguises of people here and in the real world too, so what was the difference if he joined in, in this utopia of sin.

But it was the moment he was beating up some guy, he didn’t even break any rule, he just pissed Niragi with his stupid face, that he noticed them. She was there, she was also inside this horrible nightmare, staring in shock at him with hand covering her open mouth. Y/N must have recognized him, there was no way she couldn’t, if someone could recognize him, it would be her, solely her. He didn’t see her face to face since his change, they only texted and called each other via phone, she must have thought it was because he got so busy but maybe inside, he knew he didn’t want her to see what he had become. Suguru Niragi really thought that their next meeting would be different, that those same eyes would look into his with the same adoration and curiosity it once held but there was none of it.

And there was no excuse for his actions, he could see that now and even though his anger still buried the vast amount of guilt, he was a bad person, he was sure of it. And he knew it for a very long time but there was no denying it now. Another punishment from the gods staring right at him in the form of a pretty lady he had a long history with. And maybe there was no worse cruelty than this, knowing even through all this hardship he received all his life, he could have a good life if he had chosen to be a good person from the start.

Too late to change my path.

In the end the anger always wins over guilt that has to be buried or you will be buried yourself. Niragi used to strongly believe in this conviction but now he felt like a little school boy again, pitiful glances piercing right through him, however this time it was much more meaningful. Here it wasn’t just strangers, it was someone he trusted and they stared inside him with shocked expression. He wondered what she saw, probably someone filled with anger and filth covered in blood, someone she couldn’t handle to look at. It was the same over again but this time different and caused by his own actions, so fully justified. There really isn't any way to redeem himself anymore.

Tag list: @enslique @retirement-home @k-1-ll-em-all @urnotahotdad @cantthinkofauserlololol @nervousbasementtimemachine @verydownbadforchishiya @ksjo @antitoon @ninjacups @169cmy @lanasworld-96 @llynx7 @itsccc @benhardygalileo @hjyksgf @solintaire @fluffyandsquishy

#niragi x reader #alice in borderland #alice in borderland fanfiction #niragi suguru #niragi suguru x you #isa writes #niragi alice in borderland #dori sakurada

[disgruntledexplainer]

**Facebook: out of touch boomers with unrelateable senses of humor and terrible judgement, corporate-funded misinformation campaigns, and a lot of dead accounts.

**Pinterest: has a completely unearned reputation as a refuge of wholesome internet users. that's just the surface. dig a little deeper and you will see a toxic landscape of hate-filled conspiracy theories, and misinformation that would make an american politician blush.

**Instagram: small businesses, people who like to take pictures of food, the incredibly vain, and """cosplayers""" who don't really cosplay, and their """devoted""" fans. the """cosplayers""" may or may not be advertising for their account on another infamous website. fake meme community that steals memes and claims they made them.

*Reddit: Memers, degenerates, fedora-tipping faux intellectuals with one brain-cell and a god complex. most users have an infantile understanding of all of the following subjects: science, history, religion, politics, economics, philosophy, morality, law, propriety, and basic hygiene; they also ALWAYS believe that they have a perfect mastery of all of these subjects. Mostly left-wing, kinda pathetic.

4chan: Memers, degenerates, people with a bizarre degree of programming knowledge and way too much time on their hands. everyone is an extremist, regardless of ideology, but they somehow seem to get along. Mostly right wing, kinda scary.

*Tumblr: Wasteland of dead accounts. Once dominated by porn addicts and their favorite artists, as well as the most deranged elements of various fandoms. used to be the domain of insane leftoids, but is now ironically probably the most centrist entry on this list. members are either moderately gay, moderately religious, very into witchcraft, or some combination thereof. also dominated by small echo-chambers with ideologies so fragile that they shatter the moment they try to interact with anyone else.

Twitter: dominated by insane rightoids. formerly dominated by insane leftoids, who went extinct when an asteroid struck. so insane that screenshots of their posts is a form of entertainment on virtually every other platform.

*Youtube Comments: The worst aspects of reddit and pinterest somehow rolled into one.

Discord: All I know is that the mods can't be trusted.

Tik Tok: I am too old to understand this site, but it gives me bad vibes.

*I'm currently on this site

**I used to be on this site.

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[dozenssporks]

in On The Run AU with Vash often being spot lighted in the media (and posting his videos) he is a well-known personage. There is no doubt there are cosplayers. His look, the overblown reputation, the mystery of who he really is and where he came from? Definitely cosplayers.

naturally at some point vash wanders into a convention, lost, confused, wondering if it's halloween already. Searching in vain for the misplaced wolfwood he makes his way through the crowds with his bag slung over his shoulder and clothes covered in dust and dirt.

vash cosplayer #1: love the weary traveler look!

vash, his brain sputtering because the person greeting him is dressed as him: uuuh, why are you . . . me?

vash cosplayer #1: haha, probably the same reason you are! Such a cool guy but also a dork, you know?

vash: a dork

vash cosplayer #1: I mean, you've seen that goofy video with the doughnuts, right?

vash: so to speak

vash cosplayer #2 approaches: heeey! my people! Love and peace!

vash, weakly making the sign: uh, definitely

vash cosplayer #2: that coat is different, huh?

vash: uh, well, I got a new one after the first got ruined--

vash cosplayer #2: awesome! making it your own, that's neat! A lot of people are hung up on being crazy-accurate but I like how you're playing with it. Like the dark hair in the back, that's kinda striking

vash cosplayer #1: like an edgier version with a higher rating, right?

vash cosplayer #2: right! what are the tubes on the sides of your coat for?

vash: oh, extra ammo

vash cosplayer #2: cool, what a great detail. Hey, we're having a photo shoot, everyone's coming soon, wanna join?

vash, his brain giving up trying to comprehend what's happening: Sounds fun! Love and peace!

some time later vash waves the cosplayers off with a grin right as wolfwood reappears

wolfwood: there you are! sorry I wasn't answering the phone. all these people were asking me what trinity blood character I'm supposed to be. What on earth is trinity blood? Hey, what's up, you're creeping me out

vash, frozen in place, still grinning, grabs wolfwood's sleeve: I am having an identity crisis

wolfwood: uh huh and?

vash: can you tell me who I am

wolfwood: is this another Eriks thing, needle-noggin?

vash, handing wolfwood his phone: look

wolfwood: what--why--why are there like twenty of you in this picture?

vash: I don't know

wolfwood: okay, hey, leggo of my sleeve, you're crumpling it

vash: if I let go I may fall into the mirror dimension

wolfwood: you know what, I will buy you a drink if you stop being weird. But only for you, not all your other yous. I can't afford it.

vash, whimpering: I'm not accurate

wolfwood, ignoring him while he looks up trinity blood on his phone: huh

yeah the cosplayers are still on the original Trigun manga while Vash has already moved on to Maximum

#trigun #trigun on the run au #trigun modern au #a dozen sporks speaks #vash and wolfwood don't know what cosplay and cons are #but meryl and milly do #milly and her siblings make their own costumes

[i-write-boop-spoops]

Blue Oak with a pregnant! S/O headcanons

Thanks for the request anon! Hope you enjoy!

Features pregnancy, gn! reader, mild references to sex

Let’s get one thing straight off the bat

Man is so stoked to be a dad!

He's so happy when you tell him

Hugging you so tight and grinning from ear-to-ear

Already talking about how awesome your kid's gonna be!

It doesn't matter one bit if baby was planned or not. his reaction is the exact same

Constantly

And I mean constantly

Brags about your pregnancy

Even though all he did was bust a nut while you do the actual work and grow a full-ass human being inside you

Red's naturally the god(arceus?)father

His grandpa is delighted by the news

Getting to witness the fourth generation of his lineage...

Not many people get to meet their great-grandchildren, it's very special

Blue is pretty (and by that I mean 100%) sure your kid’s gonna be a trainer

One of the best in fact

"It's in their DNA!" he says

Not how that works but anyways

Convinced every kick shows off their fighting spirit!

Whispers about stats and type matchups to your belly

Of course if your kid ends up wanting to pursue a different path, he'll support them 100%

He's still holding out hope though 🤞

Gets himself a DILF shirt and mug because he's that vain

he's right tho

Gets you your respective mug and shirt too

He thinks the title fits ;)

The nursery is eevee themed!

After all, not only is it a cute, fluffy and friendly

It has the potenrial to evolve into so many different and great things!

Also a very soothing colour-scheme too

He gets the kiddo kanto starter plushes too

Fully intending to have them pick their starter

Straight outta the womb lol

His main solution to your mood swings is food and compliments

Always has his hand on your bump, whether you're out and about or at home

BABYMOON fucking hate that word TO ALOLA

It's gonna be the last time you two go on a holiday alone for a long while

Plus it's a great chance to relax before baby comes

Sure sipping mocktails instead of cocktails doesn't quite have the same effect

But enjoying the warm, languid sunshine while chilling on a sandy beach, listening to waves

Not to mention gorging yourself on ice cream and malasadas

And you get to wear cute, tropical outfits!

I feel like Blue would take lots of pictures of you

He thinks you're so beautiful - he's so proud too

If you agree to it, he'll post them to his socials

Bragging all the while ofc

Does a timelapse of the photos at the end to show the progression of your pregnancy

Unfortunately, he would be the kind of guy to say yes to the nurse when they ask you (aka the person literally in labour) if you want some food

"Man, I am so tired right now..."

"You're tired?! I have been pushing YOUR BABY out for the past TWELVE HOURS!!"

#blue oak headcanons #blue oak x reader #green oak headcanons #green oak x reader #blue oak #green oak #blue motherfucking oak #pregnancy #request

[morganlefaye79]

I hate people that try to lecture me about my OCs!

I ignored both anons (and deleted them) because I generally don't feed trolls and drama, but since I'm nearly certain I will get a third one, I will take away their fun instead.

I'm going to talk about Valaire and Joris Dercks today, My OWN and self created twins.

I was now two times told that Valaire and Joris couldn't be twins, because they don't look alike.

Valaire(1) and Joris (2)

First of all, there is a difference between monozygotic (identical) and dizygotic (nonidentical) twins. But since they are identical twins there is no further debate needed.

It was claimed that because Joris hair is dark they couldn't be identical twins. You heard of hair dye right? Maybe? Also if you would check my content, I stated just that more than once.

For the first picture you just need to look at my pinned Tumblr post, the second one can also be found in my pinned post via the linked OC spreadsheet.

Further was stated that their eyes faces etc all wouldn't match.

Now watch out! MAGIC!

And before I get another lecture, yes I know that Joris is missing his cyberarm, the mod wasn't working at the time, so chill. Thanks!

And more magic:

The only thing different with Joris is, of course his scars, and his ears, eyebrows (he is a bit vain with pinching them) and eye color, but since both have Kiroshi's this should be easy to get. They also have different skin colors. Valaire grew up in mostly sunny California while Joris lived in more rainy and cold central Europe.

So you might see now that I put much time and even more thought into my OCs. So if you really want to pick on me find something I didn't think of.

IF you would have asked me, or talked to me in a sincere way I would have explained it and shown it. But from the way you stated your opinion I am convinced that you are just a bully that hides behind an anon ask.

If that is what your life looks like, bullying others to feel better, then I feel deeply sorry for you and I hope you can feel better sometime soon without taking it out on others.

#cyberpunk 2077 #anon #oc: Valaire #oc: Joris

[bethanydelleman]

Attractiveness of Jane Austen Heroines (Rated)

The obligatory follow up post (I promise I’ll do male villains next)

1A. Marianne Dashwood (pre-illness beauty): So lovely that Truth is less outraged than usual! Her beauty is remarked upon even by her careless-half brother, who apparently ranks beauty by marriage prospect for your pleasure. Marianne seems to be extremely attractive.

Her form, though not so correct as her sister’s, in having the advantage of height, was more striking; and her face was so lovely, that when in the common cant of praise, she was called a beautiful girl, truth was less violently outraged than usually happens. Her skin was very brown, but, from its transparency, her complexion was uncommonly brilliant; her features were all good; her smile was sweet and attractive; and in her eyes, which were very dark, there was a life, a spirit, an eagerness, which could hardly be seen without delight… The Miss Dashwoods were young, pretty, and unaffected… It would be an excellent match, for he was rich, and she was handsome…  She was as handsome a girl last September, as I ever saw; and as likely to attract the man. There was something in her style of beauty, to please them particularly

1B. Jane Bennet: Seems to be a general consensus that she is pretty darn good looking. Mrs. Bennet puts a lot of stock in Jane marrying well because of her looks and Bingley basically falls in love at first sight. Even Darcy begrudgingly admits that she’s pretty, so I am betting she’s about the same level as Marianne.

I am sure she (Elizabeth) is not half so handsome as Jane… “You are dancing with the only handsome girl in the room,” “Oh! she is the most beautiful creature I ever beheld!” s to Miss Bennet, he could not conceive an angel more beautiful…. Miss Bennet he acknowledged to be pretty,.. I was sure you could not be so beautiful for nothing!

3. Emma Woodhouse: We are told by the objective narrator that she is handsome, but all other praise comes from biased sources. This makes Emma and Knightley a good match, as I was scarcely able to judge his physical appearance either! 

handsome… “Such an eye!—the true hazle eye—and so brilliant! regular features, open countenance, with a complexion! oh! what a bloom of full health, and such a pretty height and size; such a firm and upright figure! There is health, not merely in her bloom, but in her air, her head, her glance. One hears sometimes of a child being ‘the picture of health;’ now, Emma always gives me the idea of being the complete picture of grown-up health. She is loveliness itself. Mr. Knightley, is not she?”... “I have not a fault to find with her person,” he replied. “I think her all you describe. I love to look at her; and I will add this praise, that I do not think her personally vain. Considering how very handsome she is, she appears to be little occupied with it

4. Anne Elliot (post-sea breeze restoration): Even Sir Walter recognizes that she is beautiful again and he doesn’t care about his daughter at all (affection changes beauty). Mr. Elliot is also an objective observer.

he looked at her with a degree of earnest admiration, which she could not be insensible of. She was looking remarkably well; her very regular, very pretty features, having the bloom and freshness of youth restored by the fine wind which had been blowing on her complexion, and by the animation of eye which it had also produced. It was evident that the gentleman… admired her exceedingly…. That man is struck with you, and even I, at this moment, see something like Anne Elliot again.”... he began to compliment her on her improved looks; he thought her “less thin in her person, in her cheeks; her skin, her complexion, greatly improved; clearer, fresher. Had she been using any thing in particular?.. Anne Elliot; very pretty, when one comes to look at her. It is not the fashion to say so, but I confess I admire her more than her sister…. Anne, smiling and blushing, very becomingly shewed to Mr Elliot the pretty features which he had by no means forgotten… 

5. Elinor Dashwood: Very pretty. Not as beautiful as Marianne, but seems to be doing well in  her own right.

Miss Dashwood had a delicate complexion, regular features, and a remarkably pretty figure. Marianne was still handsomer…. The Miss Dashwoods were young, pretty, and unaffected

6. Elizabeth Bennet: Her beauty seems to be the type that grows on you, and is likely aided by her charming manners. I have included the speech from Caroline Bingley because it is very likely that she is repeating what we know Darcy told his friends at the beginning of the novel (But no sooner had he made it clear to himself and his friends that she had hardly a good feature in her face).

I am sure she is not half so handsome as Jane… But there is one of her sisters sitting down just behind you, who is very pretty… “She is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me.. Though he had detected with a critical eye more than one failure of perfect symmetry in her form, he was forced to acknowledge her figure to be light and pleasing; and in spite of his asserting that her manners were not those of the fashionable world, he was caught by their easy playfulness…I remember, when we first knew her in Hertfordshire, how amazed we all were to find that she was a reputed beauty;...  Her face is too thin; her complexion has no brilliancy; and her features are not at all handsome. Her nose wants character—there is nothing marked in its lines. Her teeth are tolerable, but not out of the common way; and as for her eyes, which have sometimes been called so fine, I could never see anything extraordinary in them. They have a sharp, shrewish look, which I do not like at all; and in her air altogether there is a self-sufficiency without fashion, which is intolerable.

7. Fanny Price: Pretty enough as Mary Crawford helpfully says. Sir Thomas is surprised by how attractive Fanny has grown when he arrives home, so we know at least she has greatly improved since childhood. Mary is probably a better objective observer than Henry, who is just looking for excuses to flirt with Fanny.

Your uncle thinks you very pretty, dear Fanny—and that is the long and the short of the matter. Anybody but myself would have made something more of it, and anybody but you would resent that you had not been thought very pretty before; but the truth is, that your uncle never did admire you till now—and now he does. Your complexion is so improved!—and you have gained so much countenance!—and your figure—.... You must really begin to harden yourself to the idea of being worth looking at. You must try not to mind growing up into a pretty woman… She was then merely a quiet, modest, not plain-looking girl, but she is now absolutely pretty. I used to think she had neither complexion nor countenance; but in that soft skin of hers, so frequently tinged with a blush as it was yesterday, there is decided beauty; and from what I observed of her eyes and mouth, I do not despair of their being capable of expression enough when she has anything to express. And then, her air, her manner, her tout ensemble, is so indescribably improved! She must be grown two inches, at least, since October….  I have always thought her pretty—not strikingly pretty—but ‘pretty enough,’ as people say; a sort of beauty that grows on one. Her eyes should be darker, but she has a sweet smile;... Fanny’s beauty of face and figure

8. Catherine Morland: We shall grant her the Award for Most Improved. Described by her loving family as “almost pretty”

At fifteen, appearances were mending; she began to curl her hair and long for balls; her complexion improved, her features were softened by plumpness and colour, her eyes gained more animation, and her figure more consequence. Her love of dirt gave way to an inclination for finery, and she grew clean as she grew smart; she had now the pleasure of sometimes hearing her father and mother remark on her personal improvement. “Catherine grows quite a good-looking girl—she is almost pretty today,” were words which caught her ears now and then; and how welcome were the sounds! To look almost pretty is an acquisition of higher delight to a girl who has been looking plain the first fifteen years of her life than a beauty from her cradle can ever receive… two gentlemen pronounced her to be a pretty girl… appeared to much advantage

Again, it is hard to judge what is objective and what is the result of love or loathing, but this seems like a fair assessment of the female heroines. Now I have an idea for an FF where I pair off everyone in order of attractiveness instead of compatibility. I’m already laughing imagining Marianne and Edmund Bertram... 

Honourable Mention: Harriet is probably equal to Emma in beauty

#jane austen #jane austen heroines #mansfield park #northanger abbey #pride and prejudice #sense and sensibility #persuasion #emma #emma woodhouse #elizabeth bennet #jane bennet #catherine morland #anne elliot #elinor dashwood #marianne dashwood #the serach for objective narration #I want to make a huge spreadsheet and rate every physical description by reliability and objectiveness but when would I find the time!

[queen-mihai]

I can't find it now

But not too long ago I wrote a "thank you" post for getting something like 300 followers.

At that time, I had written a few of them and I thought maybe it'd be too much if I continued. So I said in that post that "I won't make another one of these until it gets closer to a thousand"

I need you to understand

I

Thought.

It would take

Years.

The main reason I wanted to find that post is to see how long it was ago. Pretty sure it was 2023 sometime.

Anyway..What I mean to say here is, Thank You

I'll repeat what I usually say on these things:

I hope that I can prove to be the person you think I am when you follow me.

I do believe life to be complex. I am a vain creature who likes to be seen. I love attention and thrive when it is given to me. I try to learn as much as I can and adjust my biases. I try to be forgiving to the average person, but I'm absolutely vicious against world leaders and billionaires.

I talk a bit about my trauma, but I also talk about my joy

I love taking pretty pictures of myself, and will post them randomly

I don't want there to be any one specific thing my blog is known for. I may post a bunch of stuff teaching people about the horrors of white supremacy, followed by a pretty femboy and a meme about being transgender.

Consistency is not what I yearn to be known for. Desire, intellect, love, rage, excitement, humor... all of these things I'd love to be known for. But know that no matter what, I just post what I want when I want. That said, I'm always glad that people seem to like me and enjoy my blog.

Thank you to everyone

I genuinely mean that with all of my heart

When I think of the fact that a THOUSAND people are following me? And not because I post skin or because of some hilarious meme, but because I post ME? It's almost overwhelming.

Some of my comments have over a hundred thousand notes. Others tens of thousands. I genuinely don't even know how to thank you all. I will continue to do my best here and I hope to inspire and provide some semblance of joy and fun and at the very least that I can be interesting for anyone who interacts with me.

Thank you all again.

With love ❤️

Your Princess Mihai

[silentexplosive-diary]

2/16

SO I've been stressed.

Remember how my partner and I got in a fight on Saturday night because of some fuck shit at their job? Yeah, well shit went down again yesterday.

First, they dropped me off at work then hung out until like an hour before they had to be at work. They went to go leave and then their car wouldn't start up again. They thought the battery had died (naturally) so they got someone to help give their car a jump. That didn't work (because it wasn't the battery), so they panicked and drained the oil out of their car and into the parking lot of my job. Then they were stuck at my job with me all day and didn't do anything to try and get their car fixed. They didn't call a mechanic, didn't look up any mobile mechanics, didn't call any family for help, nothing. So, that pissed me off quite a bit that I felt I had no choice but to take initiative or nothing would get done. I ended up calling a mechanic and I scheduled the appointment. Then I fucking told them off for doing jack shit and instead of doing anything to solve their problem, they took a three hour nap at my job while I worked my usual job plus did research for them in my downtime.

But that problem is mostly solved today. I'm still a bit annoyed by their behavior about their problem and their just,,, lack of care I guess? I don't appreciate that attitude at all.

But also yesterday, I dressed up for work. For Valentine's Day, it's Spirit Week at my job. We try to do two or three spirit weeks a year, usually for holidays. Yesterday's theme was Pink Vs. Red, and I chose pink. I picked out a whole outfit, I did my makeup all cute, I even had new hair to go with it to show off a little. And even the whole day, I was feeling okay with the amount of effort I put in, as people were just throwing me compliments. It wasn't too much to be overwhelmingly obvious, it wasn't too little to where I felt no one noticed.

And then came the end of the shift, where my two best work friends were also wearing pink, and someone compared us to being The Plastics from Mean Girls. Then came up the idea of a picture of The Plastics, and we had to assign roles of who would be which Plastic.

I, naturally, got Regina. Both something I can admit and something that fills me with anxiety.

Regina George is terrifyingly beautiful. She's such a fucking bitch, she's good at being mean. She is, in the words of the musical, "the prettiest poison you've ever seen." I am, at the same time, honored and horrified to immediately be connected/compared to her.

I mean, I've said it myself, the similarities are there. I am vain, I care about my appearance possibly a little too much to be healthy, I have to control every aspect of everything that goes on around me and sometimes that includes other people, I'm nosy as fuck, and I'll panic if I think I don't look good enough or if one of my plans goes even slightly wrong.

So, I was Regina in the pictures we took, front and center. I looked good. We all looked good. I'm getting more likes on this set of photos than I am in any of the pictures I've posted in the past few months within the first 30 minutes.

All this tells me is that I need to try harder. Need to appear more social. People like that, apparently. So that's what I'll do.

#dear diary #diary #diary entry #journal #journaling #writing #digital diary #tumblr diary #self worth #therapy