#also sorry for the handwriting i really am tired and my schedule is just starting to get lighter djeziddndhdnd | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dinosaurtsukki · 3 years

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[ traffic jams ]

pairing: suna rintarou x gn!reader

word count: 1.8k words

contains: ‘timestamps’ in a way, some shenanigans to pass the time, slightly awkward!suna, a bit too many ratatouille references, friendship with mutual crushing

a/n: i lowkey miss the traffic jams going home and one thing that struck me when reading suna’s bio on the wiki was that he doesn’t actually live near inarizaki so i thought it would be cute to have like a suna x reader commute fic

>> 5:45 pm:

you sigh for what was probably the fifth time that hour as you stare at the road map on your phone. the highway you were currently on was marked with red, indicating a traffic jam that stretched for kilometers. ‘estimated travel time: 4 hours’ the top of your phone screen read.

‘great, and it’s a friday night on top of that.’ you rub the side of your temple and stare out the window of the bus. you already knew what going to inarizaki, a high school all the way out in hyogo, while you were currently living in tokyo meant when it came to travel time. you often had to wake up early and get home late with the long travel time to school and back. most days, it was manageable and a one hour commute meant a good day. however, there were days when a storm was raging outside, delaying the train and bus schedules, and road accidents that led to the kind of situation you were currently in.

after leaving at five pm, you spent the past hour doing some homework in the bus and now you were fresh out of things to do. you’re also avoiding using your phone too much and draining your battery. right before you’re about to put on your earphones, your bus seatmate stirs awake.

aside from you, there is one other student who also commutes all the way to school from aichi, the prefecture where you live: suna rintarou. you know him as one of the regulars in the volleyball team and that he’s in the same year as you. neither of you ever really interacted much but took the same bus to and from school. sometimes you’d greet each other good morning and recently had this silent agreement to sit next to each other.

you watch as suna blinks sleepily before glancing out the window beside you. “where are we?” he mumbles.

“still in hyogo. it’s been an hour,” you answer.

“damn, really?” suna groans when he realizes just how terrible the traffic is outside. “and it’s a friday too.”

“tell me about it,” you chuckle mirthlessly. “also, estimated travel time is four hours so there go my exciting friday plans,” you add sarcastically.

“sorry you have to spend them with me,” suna smirks at you. your stomach flutters and you smile nervously. despite not knowing him too well, you couldn’t help but find him quite attractive. in fact, the reason why you got up early in the morning and tried to leave school at the same time as him was because you enjoyed your daily commutes with suna so much. even more so when you two started sitting next to each other.

“well, i don’t think that would be too bad,” you clear your throat. “we could play ‘i spy’ for four more hours.”

“or,” suna grins, leaning down and opening his backpack before pulling out his laptop. you chuckle and pull out your earphones. “we could watch ratatouille.”

“of all the things to pirate. you really chose ratatouille?”

“fuck disney, am i right?” suna smirks.

“fuck disney.”

>> 7:46 pm

“good on you for making sure that your laptop was fully charged before leaving school,” you say, stretching your arms a bit as soon as the credits roll.

“hmm, yeah,” suna sighs and leans his head back. “though, i think i made the wrong decision.”

“how come?”

suna crosses his arms over his stomach and squeezes his eyes shut. “because we watched ratatouille, i’m hungry now.”

“oh...” you nod your head, just as you feel a rumble in your stomach. “oh,” you repeat.

“yeah,” suna groans. “do you have any food on you?”

“i have...” you rustled through your backpack before procuring “a bag of peanuts.”

“hmm, that’ll have to do,” suna said, plucking the packet out of your hand. “say, one nut each per two minutes? just to ration it out?”

you sigh. “it’s going to be a long night.”

>> 8:10 pm

“there it is, the last two nuts,” suna says gazing at the two peanuts in the palm of his hand before offering one of them to you.

“i really, really thought they would last longer,” you sigh.

“they would have if you kept them for yourself,” suna raises his eyebrows.

“i’m too nice for that,” you giggle. “besides, i’d feel too guilty seeing you all hungry.”

“and i might guilt-trip you just a little bit,” suna says. “like, toss you mournful looks and everything.”

“no! not the mournful looks,” you cry and the two of you burst out laughing. you lift your peanut towards him. “toast?”

“toast,” suna snickers. you toast your peanuts before popping them into your mouth. you’re both still far from home.

>> 8:30 pm

“i spy with my little eye... something red and blinking.”

“oh my god, it’s another car taillight isn’t it?”

“... it is,” suna admits, blinking lazily out the window. “i mean, it’s all taillights out there. anyway, your turn.” he nudges your arm with his elbow.

“i spy with my little eye... “ you blink and yawn. “some really tired passengers.”

“i’m looking at one right now,” suna snickers at you.

you two share a glance before simultaneously sighing.

“i want to be home,” you say. you don’t even have to look at suna to know he’s nodding in agreement.

>> 9:00 pm

“chicken nuggets.”

“suna, please stop,” you groan.

“it’s all i can think of,” suna shakes his head. the two of you are staring up at the ceiling of bus, trying and failing to forget your hunger. “when we get out of here, i’m going to the first fast-food restaurant i see and ordering chicken nuggets. also ice cream from the convenience store. you know, the soft-serve one in the cone.”

“yeah, you only mentioned that five times for the past hour,” you roll your eyes.

“how bout you? what’s the first thing you’re getting when we finally get to the stop?” suna nudges your ribs. you close your eyes, knowing that nothing good will come out of talking about food. but then again, not thinking about it wasn’t going to make you any less hungrier either.

“strawberry yogurt drink,” you answer. “i want that strawberry yogurt drink that they always have in convenience stores?”

“oh that one,” suna hums. “you’re literally the only person i know who likes that.”

“which is great because the vending machines never run out of them,” you add. “you what else i want?” you ask after a beat of silence.

“what?”

“that mushroom remy cooked in the beginning of the movie,” you giggle. suna shakes his head as a smile blooms on his face. now that you think about it, you’ve never really seen that kind of goofy smile on him before.

>> 9:30 pm

suna wakes up for the second time during that bus ride after a short nap. it doesn’t surprise at all that he’s still in the bus. what does, though, is seeing you fast asleep with your head on his shoulder. you must have accidentally leaned on him while you two drifted off to sleep but suna was far from annoyed.

he was never really one to approach random people to strike up a conversation, but he always enjoyed seeing you, wearing the same uniform as him, waiting at the same bus stop he took every morning. unlike suna, you were way more productive during your daily commutes by doing your homework in the bus. once or twice, he’d glance at your pretty handwriting or pick up your pencil after you accidentally dropped it.

suna noticed that sometimes, you’d pack cereal in ziploc bags to eat for breakfast. that it would take you less than five minutes to fall asleep in the bus when there are exams. that you rotated between the same five hairclips throughout the week.

the sound of the bus engine coming to a stop and passengers abruptly standing up brings suna out of his thoughts. with a start, he realizes that you’re both finally at the bus stop in your hometown.

“y/n. wake up,” suna nudges you softly. he only gets to appreciate your sleepy face for a few seconds before breaking the good news. “we’re home.”

“we are?” you wake up instantly at that and look out the window. “oh my god, we are!” you squeal. suna grins as the two of you quickly pick up your bags and leave the bus.

“okay so the nearest fast-food place is the one a few blocks away from here,” suna says as the two of you leave the bus. god, he’s starving. he can already taste the chicken nuggets.

“eat a whole bunch of them for me,” you laugh. suna stops and looks at you.

“i...” suna realizes with a hint of embarrassment that he was under the assumption you two would be going together. “if... if you’re hungry too you can come, if you want.”

“oh.” there’s genuine surprise in your voice and suna feels a bit of relief. “i... i thought.”

“of course you don’t have to if you really need to head home.”

“it’s not that i just, rarely ever get invited to things,” you chuckle and hook your thumbs into the straps of your backpack. “so... shall we go?”

suna feels the corner of his lip turn up in a smile. “chicken nuggets are on me.”

>> monday, 6:00 am:

you sprint to the bus stop as fast as your legs could carry you. rarely were you ever late for your bus, especially with how quickly you went through your morning routine. but this time, your sibling hogged the bathroom for five minutes too long, thus leading you to your current predicament.

the bus is thankfully still there when you reach the stop and you don’t hesitate before flinging yourself inside, only to be greeted with the seats full of passengers. ‘damn,’ you mentally curse. the next bus doesn’t arrive until twenty minutes later and you were surely going to come in to class late and--

“y/n.”

you hear suna’s voice call out to your right. he lifts his bacpack off the seat beside him and gestures for you to sit.

he had saved a seat for you.

“thank you so much,” you smile gratefully and slide into the seat while catching your breath.

“sure thing, busmate,” suna smirks at you. “i, ah, also got you this.” he reaches into his backpack before handing you something. it’s a carton of your favorite strawberry-yogurt drink.

you have to press your lips together to keep the giddy smile off your face as you accept it from suna. “thanks... busmate.”

“so,” suna clears his throat. “i was thinking of what movies to pirate next in the event of another friday traffic jam. you got any ideas?”

“hmm, let me think...”

maybe traffic jams weren’t going to be so bad after all.

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@montys-chaos @miyumtwins @strawberriimilkshake @pocubo @sugawara-sweetheart @akaashisbabydoll @laure-chan @therainroguefanfiction @atetiffdoesart @stephdaninja @oikaw-ugh @charliefredb @dramaqueenweeb1469 @tremblinghearts @applepienation @kirakirasaku @haikyuu-my-love @waitforitillwritemywayout @kattykurr @atsumusdomain @goodfoodxoxoxo @ah-kaashi @guardianangelswings @definitely-yours @amberalisa @whootwhoot @liz-multifandom-hotel @kac-chowsballs @procrastination-lady @miyakiyo0mi

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egcdeath · 3 years

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secret santa

pairing: ransom drysdale x f!reader

a/n: this is so self indulgent. SO SELF INDULGENT. more self indulgent than anyone will ever be able to comprehend. before u all read this, i want u to know it was originally supposed to be about training ransom at a job, but then i realized that i nothing about 1. working at a coffee shop and 2. training an employee. also, i am the worst at writing dialogue. so i didn’t write a lot of dialogue LMAO enjoy :)

also, half of this was written at 1 am. just a warning

warnings: coffee shop au, enemies (kinda) to lovers, a lil fluff, not really angst but bitter feelings, kinda slow burn and then all the sudden a fast burn i’m sorry 😭

word count: 2.6k

You woke up to the sound of your alarm rumbling your bedside table sometime around the asscrack of dawn, and rubbed your eyes with a groan. Sometimes, you really couldn’t stand your job, but bills didn’t really pay themselves, did they? You rolled out of bed, and began your dreaded morning routine before heading out to start your opening shift at your local café.

Somewhere between warming up the espresso machine and taking out last night’s trash (which you shouldn’t have had to do in the first place), an older, yet expensive looking car pulled up to the front of the parking lot. You were a bit confused, as you’d never seen this vehicle, and it was quite clear that you weren’t exactly open yet. You watched as a tall man hopped out of the car, wearing a large peacoat and very unnecessary sunglasses. He approached the door, gave it a knock, then waited for you to come open it for him. Reluctantly, you made your way over, and in order to keep yourself safe, began to speak through the glass.

“Can I help you?” You asked in an annoyed tone, then gestured towards the piece of paper that labeled your hours on the door. There was no reason for any customer to be here this early. You looked up at the mystery man and made a rather intense eye contact with him. If this was any indicator of your crowd today, work was going to be far from pleasant.

“Yeah, I was told that I’m starting today?” He had a wicked smirk on his face, like he knew he was getting under your skin already. You hated people like him, and couldn’t believe that he could possibly be your coworker. On the bright side, he probably wouldn’t last long in the first place.

“Well, are you sure you’re here on time? I can’t see any situation where Melissa would schedule to open for your very first shift.” You commented with a furrowed brow.

“Eh, I kinda just figured I’d come in whenever. The girl in my bed was an early riser, so I thought to myself ‘Why not just come in now?’” He said casually.

“Your name?” You inquired, trying to keep your annoyance to yourself, and put on a customer service smile.

“Hugh, or Ransom,” he responded. You turned around, allowed yourself a huff and eye roll, then walked through the kitchen, and into the break room to check if he truly was a new employee, or just some random creep. Sure enough, a bright pink post-it note in very neat handwriting confirmed this man’s existence. You made your way back to the door, unlocked it, and let him in.

“Since you’re here, you should… set down the chairs,” you told him, less than entertained by his presence. You could just tell he was bad news. This Ransom guy was like the textbook definition of a red flag. He talked your ear off while you tried to get through your opening routine, some casual remarks about his last hookup, complaints about how he only got this job because his mother was a regular and good friends with your manager, and how he was threatened to get cut out of his grandfather’s will if he didn’t get employed soon, and what better way to spite your family than to mess up their daily coffees.

Eventually, a few more of your coworkers, along with your manager, Melissa, made it to the café before the morning rush began. You were sitting down at your typical barstool spot, and sipping an iced Americano when Melissa broke the news to you that you would be training the new employee. Upon hearing the news, you audibly groaned, and rubbed your forehead. There was no way that you could handle this man.

-------

During his first week, Ransom not only managed to offer (and successfully give) six customers his phone number, break two mugs, mess up more orders than even Euclid could comprehend, and spill straws a multitude of times all over the floor, but he began to flirt with you relentlessly. You had no idea why you’d become his new target of choice, when it was clear that he could have literally anyone he wanted. Maybe he liked that you were playing hard to get.

If you were being honest, you had to accept that he was handsome. And rich. And the definition of a fuckboy. And since you were being frank with yourself, you had to acknowledge that you were attracted to that ‘toxic and will treat you like shit’ kind of guy. You had a roster of ex boyfriends to prove that for you.

---

It was a pretty slow Tuesday afternoon, which meant you were sitting on your phone until a customer placed an order. Eventually, the little bell above the door chimed, and an older man came through, ordering a dark and bitter drink, then standing by the counter to wait. You began to restock lids while Ransom took care of making the drink, and once it was ready, you passed it over to the man. The man in question took a rather large sip, then promptly spat it out.

“What the fuck is this!” He roared, barely giving you time to react before he proceeded to toss the drink at you, spilling most of the hot content on your apron.

You gasped, gawking down at your scorched and ruined clothing, then up at the customer, who’d turned around with a huff and left, leaving a stream of strong language on his way out. You bit back tears at the whole fiasco, and cringed as both the steamy drink, and your salty tears stung different parts of your body. You turned to look at the barista, who had passed you along the drink, and were met with no other than the white devil himself. It seemed that all the blood had drained from his already otherwise pale face.

“Oh my god, this is all my fault,” he began remorsefully. “Let me make it up to you somehow.”

“Whatever,” you huffed, running a hand through your hair, and shoving Ransom angrily while you more or less stomped into the staff bathroom.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and frowned before bringing up your bundled apron to your face and screaming into it. Stupid fucking customers. Stupid fucking job. Stupid fucking Ransom. It’s like he came to your job just to make it hell. You were tired of cleaning up all these messes for him, and honestly, you wish he’d just quit already. The longer you worked with him, the more tempted you were to pour sugar in his gas tank, then take a club and break all the windows in the Beemer.

------

For the next month, your brain was completely elsewhere at work. Your brain was constantly going back and forth with you between finding Ransom hot and horrendous. While the pair of you finished up closing one night, you heard your coworker begin to speak to you as you placed your hand on the keys in your pocket.

“I know you hate me, Y/N. I get it. What that guy did to you was awful, and yes it was my fault, but what else have I done to hurt you?” He asked, seemingly out of the blue. You weren’t even sure how to respond. Ignoring the man and demonizing him in your head had become almost a second nature. “I mean, I think we could’ve been good friends. Even though you seem to think I’m devil incarnate, I think you’re a pretty cool chick-“ he continued before being cut off by you.

“Why do you even care?” you burst out, “Ransom, you just don’t get it do you? You’re just.. a douchebag. I get it, you have your moments where you’re candid and open with people, but half of the time you’re talking, you’re objectifying someone. Or bragging about something you own. Don’t get me wrong, I could get past what you did to me on accident, but you seriously have to work on yourself,” the words just seemed to pour out without your control. “Goodnight, Ransom,” you said simply before leaving the café for the night.

——

Since that day, the tension between you and Ransom had evidently become more thick. Since he was finally finished training with you, you made sure to only speak to him if you absolutely needed to, and even then, you only communicated with him in brief and straightforward answers. Sure, it seemed like a small thing to be upset about, and sure, he’d apologized, but something told you that any excuse to stay away from Ransom was a good excuse.

Though he appeared to be an immoral and selfish man, he seemed genuinely sorry for all that he’d put you through. Occasionally, you’d be sitting in the break room and look up from your phone to see him watching you. When you’d make eye contact, he would look like he wanted to say something to you, but your petty ass would leave, or look back at your phone. He was bad news anyway.

Your boss quickly caught onto what was going on between the two of you, and usually, Melissa didn’t like to participate in petty drama, but your new sour mood was such a stark contrast from before, and it seemed to shift the whole mood of the café.

That afternoon, Melissa called for a team meeting a bit before closing, and suggested a family dinner along with a Secret Santa. She’d said something along the lines of ‘It’s been way too long since we’ve done a team bonding activity, and a gift exchange is perfectly fitting for the Holiday season.’ This did make you perk up, as Melissa had a great taste in restaurants, and you were always down for a good gift exchange.

Melissa then told everyone to write their names down, then put them in a decorative Santa hat. You and your coworkers obliged, then began to pass around the hat once again in order to draw a name. You really hoped to get Xavier. You had the perfect idea of something he’d love. As you drew a piece of paper from the hat, you imagined the matching pair of fluffy socks for a human and dog that you’d passed by during your last trip to Target. You began to unfold it, thinking of what color he might like the most, when you looked down and saw ‘Ransom’ drawn out in chicken scratch.

You tried your best to mask your annoyance at who you received, but on the inside, you were seething. You mentally cursed the universe out while you pulled on your coat, and grimaced to yourself once you got out to your car. How were you supposed to get this asshole a gift?

—-

The week leading up to the exchange went fairly well for you, although it was getting a bit exhausting to be so mad at Ransom all the time. You tried to be less harsh with him, considering you needed to learn more about him in order to get him a somewhat decent gift for your exchange.

He’d seem to have taken your conversation with him to heart, and began to talk less and less about other girls when he was working with you. He didn’t comment on how well your jeans fit you, and you noticed that he’d often overextend himself in order to help you with (pretty basic) daily aspects of the job. Ransom would ask you questions about yourself, and your family, and speak less about himself. If you were honest with yourself, he was becoming a better man. And the best part was, he seemed to be doing it just for you. The thought of which brought heat to your face.

—

On the night of the exchange, you threw on a hideous and scratchy Christmas sweater before picking up your neatly wrapped gift for Ransom. You truly hoped that he’d like it, even though it certainly wasn’t the most expensive item. You bid farewell to your cat, then went on your way to the restaurant. You had to admit, you were a bit late. So it should’ve been no surprise when you arrived, and found that the only seat left at the table was next to Ransom. You gave him a cordial smile before sitting down and ordering yourself a glass of Merlot.

Something about being so close to him was kind of riling you up. The strong timbre sent coming off of him was making your whole body feel slightly warmer than normal, and you tried to ignore this strange sensation while you talked and joked with your coworkers. At one point, Ransom leaned in nice and close to you, and began to speak to you.

“Jesus Christ, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything as hideous as Karmen’s sweatshirt,” he whispered right into the shell of your ear. Maybe it was the wine talking, but that simple action sent a whole chill through your body, and made you flush even harder than you’d flushed before. You let out a little giggle and nodded in agreement, looking across the table at her very ugly sweater.

“To be fair, the whole point of this was to wear something really ugly,” you turned your head back to where it was before, only to find that Ransom had somehow moved even closer to you.

“I just don’t know where you find something like that,” he commented, gazing much too deep into your eyes. You swore you felt the room shift after he began looking at you like that. There was about a 20% chance that you’d be able to keep your panties on after this kind of exchange. Luckily for you, a waitress broke the tension for you, setting down a few plates for everyone, then bidding them farewell. Damn.

The food was amazing, and didn’t last very long, meaning that it was time to pass gifts around sooner than later. You watched as Amy received a gift card from Sophie, Emily opened a plethora of chocolates gifted to her by Melissa, and Xander whiffed a candle given to him by Kennedy, then, it was your turn. You glanced around the table before you felt the arm next to you reach down, then hand you an oversized gift bag.

“I hope you like it,” Ransom said with a shy smile. You casually felt your cheeks on your way to pull out the very large item. You found it was a very large, and soft, hand knit blanket. It looked like it could’ve cost a small fortune, and you immediately found yourself embarrassed.

“Oh wow. This is perfect! Thank you so much,” you grinned over at your coworker, who seemed to be blushing himself. “Well, I guess I should probably give you this then,” you chuckled awkwardly before passing him your wrapped package. He tore it open barbarically, then began to laugh. Of all the gifts in the world, you two had gotten each other somewhat similar items. Sure, it wasn’t hand knit with the love of some grandma who ran a small business on Etsy, but it was the thought that counts.

“I love it, Y/N,” he exclaimed, looking deep into your eyes once again. He ran his fingers through the soft fabric, then set a hand on your arm. In that moment, it felt like time stopped. It was just you two, sitting in a quiet room, enjoying the presence of each other. You don’t even know what had gotten into you, but before you knew it, you felt a nose pressed up against yours, and a billion butterflies erupt out of your stomach. You heard a few grimaces from your coworkers at the sappy, Hallmark-like moment but what could you say.

Maybe Ransom was not that bad after all.

#ransom thrombey x you #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom thrombey x reader #ransom drysdale x you #knives out fanfic #hey i wrote that lol

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fandomsfeelsandfanfics · 4 years

Text

The Arrangement, Part XIII/// Draco Malfoy x Reader

SUMMARY: The happiness only lasts so long.

WORD COUNT: a lil undere 2k

WARNING(S): angst once again

A/N: we all knew this was coming. we were going to get here sooner or later. you can only keep a secret for so long.

SERIES MASTERLIST | PLAYLIST

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Your alarm went off and as you reached to shut it off, Draco’s arms tightened around your waist.

“Draco,” you murmured. You nudged him in the chest and he loosened his grip just enough for you to be able to reach the alarm.

When it was finally quiet, Draco expected you to lay back down next to him. Just for a minute...or maybe two. Half an hour wouldn’t hurt. Before he could pull you back in, you were already up.

He groaned and rolled over onto his back. His eyes trailed you as you walked to the closet. He reached out to you. “Come lay down with me. Just for a little bit more.”

“I need to get dressed, Draco. I have work remember.” You looked over your shoulder at him. He was still half-asleep but he had this little angry look on his face that made you laugh.

You wandered over to him and sat next to him on the bed. Your hand came up to draw small circles on his chest. “Not all of us can sleep all day, someone’s gotta pay the bills.” His hands gripped your sides and for a moment it was a comforting gesture. Until he flipped you over.

All you had time to do was help. “Draco!” You slapped his chest.

“Paying the bills, is that what it’s about? Well, when I’m back to work, you won’t have to ever leave the house as far as I’m concerned.” He leaned down to kiss your neck but could practically hear the next words out of your mouth. Before you could reply, he said, “Unless you want to, of course.”

“Mhmm.” That’s what you wanted to hear. You kissed him, entertaining him for just a moment or more. Finally, you grabbed his shoulders. “I’ve got to go Draco.”

For once, he listened to what you said and rolled off of you. “Fine.” You hopped out of bed and made your way back to the closet. “But when we go on our honeymoon, we’re not gonna worry about any of this. I might just not bring you back.” Your back was turned to him but you knew he was smiling.

He left the room as you changed into your clothes. You figured a pencil skirt and a button-up shirt would do fine. By the time, you’d buttoned the very top button, you smelled coffee wafting in from the kitchen.

You followed the scent and found Draco there, leaning against the counter, sipping coffee and looking at the mail. It had been two weeks since he’d proposed and Draco spent most of it in your flat. He said he liked it better than his. He said it felt like home.

You’d gotten into a sort of routine that both of you liked. You both got up in the morning and nearly every morning Draco tried to convince you to stay with him—some mornings he succeeded. You didn’t quite know what he did while you worked but by the time you got home, he’d either cooked dinner or gotten take out. He was a surprisingly good cook and you wondered if you’d ever get him out of bed early enough to make breakfast. Everything was so perfect it shocked the two of you sometimes. And once he was back to work that would complete your schedule.

Domesticity looked good on him. He looked happy and healthy and younger than he had in years. You could see it, he could see it, everyone could see it. You tried to keep your engagement quiet but once Narcissa knew it seemed everyone in the Wizarding world did.

“You know, I reckon my mother’s more excited about the wedding than we are.” You retrieved your coffee from the counter next to him and took a sip while he held a letter from his mum out to you.

It took you only a second to count about five exclamation points just in the first paragraph. That was the most excitement she’d ever shown you. She’d already planned a big engagement party for the end of the week. She was definitely happy for the two of you.

You remember her telling you that he was her whole world and that you’d understand when she had kids. You didn’t have any yet but you thought you knew how exciting it was to see someone you loved so much finally be happy.

You leaned up and kissed Draco on the cheek. “I’ve gotta go but I’ll call you on my lunch break, yeah?” He nodded. He leaned down to kiss you without looking away from the paper. That was also apart of the routine.

You knew something was wrong. Or at least you thought you did. You tried to convince yourself otherwise but when Draco didn’t answer when you called during your lunch break and when he never called back, you knew.

When your key turned in the lock and you pushed the door open, there was silence on the other side. Blank, empty silence. Maybe Draco wasn’t even there.

Maybe something happened to him. No, that’s irrational. Maybe he just went out somewhere and forgot his phone; even though that wasn’t like him, it wasn’t impossible.

“Draco,” you called. For a second, there wasn’t a reply. Then right before you were about to call his name again, he replied.

“In here.” You rushed into the bedroom. He was standing there as if he were waiting for you.

“I was worried about you, you didn’t answer my calls.” Your eyes drifted up his body to make sure he was alright. When your eyes met his, you saw the anger in his cold grey eyes.

“What’s wrong?” You reached out to touch him and he shifted away. He brought his hand from behind his back and he was holding a pile of letters.

His eyebrow was raised, like he was accusing you of something obvious. You didn’t get it until you saw the small neat handwriting.

“Draco—”

“So you and my mom are plotting against me?” His voice was low and calm. Cold anger was somehow worse than screaming.

“No, it wasn’t like that. How did you even find that, were you going through my things?”

“Going through your things?! No, I wasn’t going through your things, I was looking for a pen to write my mother back and I found these and some of the money that went along with it.” You’d forgot about the letters entirely when you put them in your nightstand. You never imagined that he’d find them. “And anyways, does how I found this matter at all right now?”

“No, it doesn’t and I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry, let me explain—”

“You had better explain!”

“Okay, Narcissa was worried about you,” you spoke slowly, hoping that he words would reach him better that way, “so she wanted me to keep you safe and get you back on the right track. It was never meant to hurt you.”

“So what I’m hearing is my mom hired a babysitter for me?”

“Draco, no—”

“Yeah, you two manipulated me and where does it end. Were you gonna keep taking money from my mom to ‘take care of me’ while we were married?”

“No, listen—”

“Holy shit.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I was going to marry you. I was going to marry someone who was paid to date me! You were really going to take it that far, how could you?” His breath was ragged and there were tears pooling in his eyes. “How could you,” he mumbled.

“Draco, you really don’t understand.” He gave you a look that was both skeptical and hopeful. He wanted to believe what you were saying but he couldn’t. “It was never about the money. I only ever did this because I care about you and wanted you to be happy. That’s why your mum wanted to do this in the first place. She loves you. Draco, I love you.

“And the money stopped after Paris. I knew after the first night that this went beyond what me and Narcissa had arranged. This has nothing to do with her anymore, it’s me and you, Draco, that’s what matters.”

“No what matters is I can’t trust you. Even if everything you’re saying is true, it doesn’t change the fact that you and my mother treated me like a child and lied to me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“People usually are when they get caught.”

“I’m sorry.” There didn’t seem to be anything else to say but Draco was getting tired of hearing that. He tried to walk past you but you stood in front of him. “I really am and I am sorry it happened the way it did but if Narcissa hadn’t asked me to do this we wouldn’t be together now.”

“How do you know that? Do you think I’m so helpless I couldn’t figure it out on my own? You think I needed you to fix me?” There was red hot anger behind his eyes.

“You know I’ve always believed in you. That’s why I kept coming back, there were multiple times that I wanted to give up, say no to the money but I kept coming back because I knew you’d come around.”

“And because you needed money. I knew you couldn’t be getting all that money from apprenticing but I never asked ‘cause I trust you. See how that works? I can’t even be trusted to be by myself.” He let out an angry chuckle. “I can’t believe you.”

“It was never about the money. Ever. You could take all the money away, you could take the trip to Paris away and I’d still be right there. It was about helping you get better and I messed everything up, I should’ve told you earlier or called it off earlier. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m in love with you and that has nothing to do with your mum and those letters. And I didn’t want you to find out this way, but we both know that no matter how things started everything worked out.”

“Stop trying to convince me that lying to me was a good thing. And it wasn’t some little lie, this was big.”

“But if your mother hadn’t done this we wouldn’t be getting married, isn’t that what’s important?”

“Getting married?” He looked down at your ring then back up at you disdainfully. “Don’t be so sure.” Ouch.

Draco heard how harsh it sounded as soon as it came out of his mouth. The look in your eyes was enough to make him apologize right then and there. Your eyes were hazy with tears and he could see all of the regret laying in them.

He sighed. “Listen, I just need time to process everything, okay? I need time to think before I can properly react to...this.”

“Yeah, I completely understand.” You didn’t look up at him, you couldn’t bring yourself to.

“I’m gonna stay at my place for a while.” You just nodded.

He lingered for a few minutes. Then you watched his feet as he walked out of the room. You were still staring at the ground where he was just standing when you heard the door shut.

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i-am-made-of-memoriies · 5 years

Text

Five Days

Summary: After Sasuke returns to the leaf village, he finally comes to terms with his feelings for Sakura. Of course, as an Uchiha, doing anything romantic is quite the challenge. (This was written for Fanofthisfictions ‘Show Me the Love’ challenge on fanfiction.net)

A/N: I wrote this ages ago (like a solid 8 months), but I’m posting it now because I’m working on my master list. It’s a struggle honestly.

The First Day

Sasuke could see the gates of Konoha. After his long mission of redemption, all he wanted was to go home. The village that had always welcomed him looked peaceful and happy with the snow covering the roads. For the first time since his childhood, Sasuke felt genuinely happy when looking at other people thriving. Right at the main gate waiting for him, is his only female teammate, Sakura. Just looking at her flowing pink hair and dazzling green eyes, made him feel renewed and happy again. He made his way through the gates, passing Sakura. He wanted to speak to her, but he didn’t know what to say or how to express the feeling of ‘I missed you, but I’m too aloof to say it and I also slightly want to kiss you right now’.

Sakura grinned with the force of a thousand suns when she saw Sasuke walk through the village gates. Expecting him to look detached or uninterested, she was surprised to see his lips turn up slightly at the edges.

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Sasuke had been mulling over his sudden feelings as he walked towards his apartment. Right as the Uchiha Compound was in view, he veered left and made his way to Kakashi’s home.

If there was anyone he trusted with his feelings, it was Kakashi. Though Sasuke understood that Kakashi was busy with Hokage duties and the likes, he figured that he’d be home.

As he expected, Kakashi opened the door with a tired look on his face. Once registered that the man interrupting his well-deserved rest was his former student, he brightened.

“Sasuke, you’re back.” He ushered the Uchiha into his quaint living room and gestured for him to sit down, “I’m glad you decided to return. Though I’m happy that you visited me, I know you well enough to realize that you would not just stop by on a whim. What do you want to talk about?”

Sasuke figured that it was best to be blunt. Still, he didn’t want to bring up any names, so he’d keep the beloved anonymous. “What do you do when you want to get someone’s attention? Romantically, of course.”

Kakashi’s eyebrows rose substantially. “You finally acknowledged your feelings for Sakura?”

Sasuke tried to suppress the slight blush that was sure to appear with the mention of ‘feelings’ and ‘Sakura’ in the same sentence. “Just give me advice.” He tried to sound menacing, but he figured that he sounded rather flustered.

“Hmmm,” Kakashi tapped his chin thoughtfully, “If it was any other girl, I’d recommend showering her with flowers and sweets, but this is Sakura we’re talking about. Try inviting her to train with you. Not only will you spend some quality time together, but you will also be thoroughly impressed with her skill. After that, try taking her to dinner.”

Sasuke nodded and walked away.

Do I even matter anymore? Kakashi sighed, slouching in his chair and pulling out is well loved Icha-Icha book. He smiled to himself as he imagined his favorite couple finally getting together.

The Second Day

Sasuke surreptitiously placed a small note on the middle of Sakura’s window sill, sneaking a quick peek between the cracks of the drapes. Sakura wasn’t awake yet, which was completely sensible, given that it was 5:00 in the morning. Lingering by her apartment for an extra second, Sasuke performed a simple shunshin jutsu and disappeared from the premises.

Three hours passed and Sakura woke up to slivers of sunlight shining onto her face. Rolling messily out of bed, she checked her bedside clock. Since she’d been up until 3:30 the previous night, working on formulating new poisons, she was hoping for a little more rest. Regardless, Sakura doubted she could fall back asleep with the sun as bright as it was. Sighing, she padded into the kitchen and rummaged through her pantry. After grabbing some bread and butter, she poured herself a large mug of coffee and sat by the window. In the corner of her eye, she noticed a small, folded note, lodged into the crack of her windowsill. War had taught her to be wary of any unexpected notes and packages, so she readied a kunai for any type of attack. Luckily, the note was benign.

Let’s train at training ground 9 at 7:00 pm. -Sasuke

Sakura chuckled upon reading the note. It was so typical Sasuke to be capable of conveying no emotion through a note. Even his handwriting looked aloof. Still, Sasuke had never been this assertive. He didn’t care much for her, that much Sakura knew; why would he bother asking her to train? Probably because it was a team training session. But wouldn’t he mention Naruto? Maybe it had something to do with the abnormally affectionate look he gave her at the gates the following day. Sakura sighed and placed the note on her table before chugging the rest of her coffee.

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“Nerves.” Sasuke cursed under his breath, trying to calm his jittery fingers. I’ve really become a pathetic, love-sick child. He thought, mentally chastising himself for being so weak. No matter though. Training was a perfect activity for hiding his feelings. That’s why he enjoyed it so much. Wait. Wasn’t the entire point of a relationship not to hide one’s feelings? Tch. Sasuke shook his head. All this pointless thought was a waste of time. Grabbing his cloak, he set off to Kakashi’s.

“Kakashi” He started, walking through the front door without as much as knocking.

“It wouldn’t kill you to knock. Or call me ‘sensei’.” Kakashi muttered, gesturing for Sasuke to take a seat on one of Kakashi’s armchairs.

“How do I talk to Sakura?” He asked monotonously, careful to leave every drop of emotion out of his voice.

“Not like that.” Kakashi sighed, “Talk, you know - like a human.”

“I am.”

“You sound like a robot. You need emotions and inflection.”

Tch. Sasuke grabbed the cloak he had just set down. “I’ll be fine.”

“Hopeless.” Kakashi sighed, watching Sasuke quickly leave his apartment, leaving the door wide-open, “And disrespectful.”

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Sasuke waited quietly at the training grounds, his breath making puffs of white in the frigid air. He was showing utmost respect by not starting before Sakura arrived. Minutes passed and Sakura finally showed up.

“Sorry I was late!” She apologized quickly, “See, there was an emergency at the hospital and I was the only one who could perform the surgery.”

“It’s fine.” Sasuke quickly dismissed Sakura’s apology, “I hope you still have enough chakra to train.”

Sakura looked suspiciously at Sasuke. He was being rude, as usual. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Sakura replied nonchalantly, “Why schedule this special training session, though. Aren’t we meeting as a team soon?”

“We are.” Sasuke agreed.

Sakura nodded uncomfortably, “Let’s warm up, shall we?” She prompted, breaking into a nice jog.

“Three laps around the village?” Sasuke suggested.

“Don’t you usually do five?” Sakura inquired.

“Yes, but-”

“Five it is.”

Sasuke had to admit, he had underestimated Sakura’s stamina. She finished the five laps with ease. Nodding slowly to himself, he decided that a harder workout wasn’t a bad idea.

“Let’s work on chakra control.” Sasuke suggested.

“Ooh! Good!” Sakura replied happily, “I can give you some tips.”

“Tips?” Sasuke looked taken-aback. He was planning on helping Sakura.

“Yeah…” Sakura deadpanned, “I am the top medical ninja in Konoha. My mastery of chakra is kind of unparalleled. I know that sounds like a crazy boast, but it’s the truth.”

“I’ve heard a bit of that, but I’ve been working on the ninja arts for all of my life-”

Sakura had enough of Sasuke’s patronizing tone. He obviously didn’t understand how to speak to someone respectfully. Sure, she hadn’t showed Sasuke her full skill-set yet, but it was down right rude to treat her like the weak twelve year old girl he left unconscious on a bench. “You know what Sasuke?” Sakura started indignantly, “I know you’ve been training since you came out of the womb, but I’ve really put in effort as well. You leave for years and expect to still know everything about my skill level. I studied under a sannin just like you and Naruto. I am not weak. And I will not be underestimated.”

“Fine.” Sasuke shrugged, “Let’s train then.”

“Could you just apologize like a goddamn human being?!” Sakura snapped, “I’m going home now.” Without as much as a second look, Sakura stormed off in the snow, her chakra enhanced steps making the ground shake around her.

“Fuck.” Sasuke cursed, plopping down next to the training stump, “I failed.” Filled with frustration, Sasuke stormed off in the opposite direction as Sakura, making his way quickly to Kakashi’s house.

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“I fucked up.” Sasuke hissed, letting himself into Kakashi’s home.

Exasperatedly, Kakashi shuffled out of his bedroom, wearing his shuriken pajamas. “For the love of god, could you knock?!”

Tch. Sasuke’s glare grew more intense.

“Fine, fine, I’ll help you.” Kakashi capitulated, sinking onto his soft couch. “Let me guess: you said something debilitating to Sakura and now she’s mad at you. Look, she’s changed a lot since you left. She’s not the little girl you can say virtually anything to and receive nothing but a sad kicked-puppy look. She’s trained just as hard as you and Naruto and her training has shown serious results.

“Let me get you caught up. After you left, Sakura began to take her training very seriously. She sought out Tsunade and learned medical ninjutsu. She was a natural. Her chakra control was impeccable and she quickly rose ranks in the hospital. Not only did she learn how to become an incredible healer, but she also integrated her chakra control into her fighting. During the war, you only saw a brief demonstration of her power. Since then, she’s worked on countless other jutsus and medical techniques. Sakura is a force to be reckoned with, Sasuke. She is anything but in need of your protection. She’s protecting all of us.”

Nodding slowly, the edges of Sasuke’s lips turned up slightly.

The Third Day

Sakura was pissed. Pissed at herself for forgetting that Sasuke hadn’t been interacted with people in a friendly way in a long time and also pissed at Sasuke for not fucking changing! He was the same emotionless bastard she had fallen head-over-heels in love with years ago. Damn, she still loved him. Though she wanted to hate him, beneath his cold, prickly exterior, he was a kind person who didn’t like killing. One conversation she had as a genin remained indelible in her memory.

“Why didn’t you finish him off?!” Naruto exclaimed, pointing off in the distance at the shrinking figure of a bandit who had tried to kill team seven’s client, “You had an open shot, ya know. Use those flashy moves!”

“Didn’t want to waste chakra.” Sasuke grunted, “Just forget it.”

“Come one man. We all know you had plenty of chakra left. You’re always bragging about your fancy moves. Why didn’t you just stab him or something?”

“Yeah Sasuke-kun!” Sakura added in, “That would’ve looked so cool!”

“I don’t like killing.” Sasuke mumbled.

“Eh?” Naruto cupped his hand around his ear, “I didn’t catch that.”

“I don’t like killing!” Sasuke spat, glaring daggers at his teammates. “Leave me alone.”

Sakura had never felt closer to Sasuke than in that moment. It made her feel good to know that she wasn’t the only one who didn’t want to kill people. Sure, she wanted to protect her teammates and peers, but killing was something she never wanted on her conscious. And to know that Sasuke Uchiha, the prodigy, felt the same way, validated her in so many ways. For that reason, Sakura felt bad for lashing out at Sasuke. Though she couldn’t deny, he needed someone to call him out on his rude bullshit, she was sure she could have been less harsh. Overwhelmingly frustrated, she accidentally crushed her coffee mug, spilling boiling coffee all over her hands and her clothing.

What a wonderful start to my day. She thought groaning and walking into her room so that she could get a clean change of clothes.

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Sasuke thought over the recent events. He did feel remorse for what he said to Sakura. It surprised him how easily it was to pinpoint the emotion he was feeling. Typically, his emotions would be labeled with ‘general anger and/or hatred’, but this time, he knew what he felt and he knew he had to do something. Sasuke thought back to how his mother and father interacted. Though it had been years since he had seen his parents, he remembered how kind they were to each other. In the rare occasions that they would fight (which usually had something to do Fugaku underestimating Mikoto’s strength), Fugaku would cook something instead of having Mikoto do it. Sasuke doubted that cooking for Sakura would be as symbolic since she could barely cook for herself, much less an entire family. Regardless, he was willing to try anything.

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Sakura sat on her couch, fidgeting uncomfortably. She knew that apologizing to Sasuke would teach him nothing about human interactions. It was about time people stopped turning a blind eye to his social idiosyncrasies. Taking deep breaths, she desperately tried to calm herself before she broke more furniture.

Sakura jumped abruptly when she heard a sharp rap at her front door. Before reaching for a knife, she sensed the telltale chakra of Sasuke Uchiha. She wasn’t sure if she was worried or relieved, but she opened the door nonetheless.

Sasuke stood uncomfortably at the front door, holding a tupperware full of homemade food. Before he could say anything, Sakura ushered him in.

“Did you make this?” She asked, quickly setting the table.

Sasuke nodded, setting the container onto Sakura’s table. Looking at the table cloth, he murmured quietly, “I just wanted to apologize for yesterday.”

“You did?!” Sakura’s eyes lit up, “Thank you-I mean, apology accepted! I wanted to apologize too. I was too harsh.”

“It’s okay.” Sasuke sat down, “The food’s still warm. Let’s eat.”

“Sounds great!”

The two dug into the home-cooked meal. After the first bite, Sakura sighed. “How is this so damn good?! You really have to be good at everything, huh. Cooking included.”

Sasuke shrugged, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

The Fourth Day

Sakura woke up, still buzzing with the excitement of the previous night. Could she call it a date? She wasn’t entirely sure, but god, she wanted to think it was. At this point, she was afraid that Sasuke was under the impression that she’d moved on from him. She no longer acted obsessive towards him, nor did she obsess over every little thing he did. It was about time that she informed him about her love. Though she didn’t present it in the same way, she still adored Sasuke and she knew she always would.

Dressing fervently, she sent a hawk with a letter to Sasuke (Sakura was well aware that texting or calling was much easier, but she also knew that Sasuke wasn’t up to date with any technology). Sakura stared in the mirror, actually looking at her appearance for the first time in a while. Unlike her attitude as a preteen, Sakura wasn’t discontented with her body. She enjoyed her appearance and she knew that however she looked, this was the body that allowed her to save people’s lives as well as end them. She was powerful and she knew it.

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Sasuke was excited. He hated to admit that he was feeling joy from something petty like a date, but he couldn’t help it. He knew there was a spark between him and Sakura, a mutual understanding of each other’s situation that made them work well together. Not only did he like Sakura romantically, but he wanted to have her as a partner in battle. She could heal him, but she could also back him up or even protect him. Sasuke was certain that being with Sakura was the best decision he could make.

With an uncharacteristic bounce to his step, Sasuke made his way to the park, seeking out the bench at which Sakura had instructed Sasuke meet her. He was about fifteen minutes early, but it was typical of Sasuke to arrive at a meeting place before anyone else got there.

“Hey Sasuke!” Sakura called, jogging towards the bench, “Nice to see you!”

“You invited me here.” He deadpanned.

“I did.” Sakura nodded awkwardly before taking a seat next to Sasuke, “Well anyway, i-it’s pretty out.”

Sasuke nodded. “Winter’s is nice.” He muttered.

“Yup. It’s snow nice.” Sakura chuckled at her own joke, eliciting no response from Sasuke.

“So…” Sasuke started, not meeting Sakura’s eyes, “Was there anything you wanted to talk about?”

“I uh-I just wanted to thank you for last night.” Well, Sakura wasn’t entirely lying, “I really appreciated the meal.”

“I’m glad you did.” Sasuke nodded, “It was my mother’s recipe.”

Sakura’s eyes widened. Sasuke never mentioned his family around her before. It was obviously a touchy subject for him. “Well, it was simply delicious. I’m uh, sure you did her proud.”

Sasuke nodded, his cheeks reddening slightly. “It’s starting to snow.”

“Yeah,” Sakura nodded, “It’s really pretty. Still, we can probably stay. I doubt it will get much worse.”

Sasuke nodded in agreement. As if on cue, the winds picked up, sending the snow in hoary, frigid spirals.

“Looks like it just got worse.” Sakura sighed as the snow continued to get heavier, “I’m going to use earth style to make us a small shelter. Once I’ve done that, you light a fire. Going out in the snow is going to increase our chances of hypothermia, especially since we aren’t dressed for the frigid climate. It’s safer if we just wait it out.”

“Okay,” Sasuke started, “Are you sure we couldn’t just hurry home.”

“Listen to me.” Sakura insisted, “I know what I’m doing.”

“I trust you.”

Sakura felt warm inside. She’d been waiting her entire life to hear that from Sasuke! Grinning warmly, she made the hand-signs for earth style. “Now that we have a shelter, you can make a fire. I’ll add some small holes for the air to escape so that the fire isn’t starved of oxygen.”

Sasuke nodded and cleared a small circle before lighting it on fire with a quick katon.

“Well, now that we’re stuck here, we have to pass the time.” Sakura suggested, “Would you mind telling me about how you learned how to make the dish you served last night?”

“My mother taught it to me when I was young.” Sasuke started, looking straight at the fire, “It was my favorite thing to eat for dinner, so I insisted I learn how to make it in case-” Sasuke stopped for a moment, his breath catching, “in case I wanted to make it when she wasn’t around.”

Sakura sucked in a breath. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.” She assured, “You know me, I could fill up hours babbling!”

“It’s fine.” Sasuke shrugged, “Plus, I don’t think I’d be able to survive your rambling.”

“That’s valid.” Sakura chuckled.

“Anyway, when my mother first showed it to me, I was so confident I’d get it right on the first try. I didn’t and I was really frustrated. Then, my brother came in after a long mission. He seemed really worn out, as usual, but he walked me through the steps again and I figured it out.”

Sakura smiled softly, inching closer to the fire and to Sasuke.

Without as much as a prompt, Sasuke began to tell more enthralling stories of his childhood.

Sakura sat next to him, taking them all in gratefully. Soon, the roaring of the wind ceased outside. “I think the storm’s over.” Sakura sighed with relief, “I have to run to work now, or else I’ll be late. I totally forgot about my shift at the hospital. I had a great time though.”

Sasuke nodded.

“Let’s meet again tomorrow?” Sakura suggested.

“That’ll work.”

The Fifth Day

For once, everything seemed so simple. Sasuke knew exactly what he wanted to do and he was not going to doubt himself for a second! Hurrying out of his apartment, he ran to the weapons shop.

Tenten greeted him with a happy smile. “What can I get for you?” She asked, fiddling with a couple explosive tags.

“I need a set of kunai. Your nicest ones.” Sasuke said confidently, reaching for his wallet.

“I know you already have good weapons, so who are you buying these for?” Tenten raised her eyebrows suggestively, digging under the counter for the requested kunai set.

Sasuke figured that hiding the identity of the person would be pointless. “Sakura.” He stated, placing a hefty wad of money on the counter.

Tenten looked at Sasuke incredulously. Slowly, her lips turned up until she was grinning like a lunatic. “FINALLY!” She squealed, “I’m so happy for you two!

“Hn.” Sasuke took the pretty box and made his way to Sakura’s house.

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Sakura’s apartment was finally in view. For some reason, Sasuke wanted nothing more than to sprint up the 52 steps (he knew that because of his sharingan, not because he’d been there so many times) and kiss her on her gorgeous pink lips, but that was not the way to go (according to Kakashi). He would stick to the plan and execute it perfectly as if it was a battle. Sasuke’s entire body filled with warmth when he saw the familiar light-beige door. Taking a deep breath, he knocked politely, instead of simply walking in as he usually did. In a few seconds, Sakura scurried towards the door and opened it, her eyes brightening at the sight of Sasuke.

“I brought you these-” Sasuke started before being interrupted by Sakura’s lips planted firmly on his. Sasuke quickly got over the initial surprise and leaned into the kiss. Sakura’s soft hair brushed against his cheek and her rough, calloused hands embraced his. She smelled sweet and floral, just like her namesake; Sasuke couldn’t think of anything but her. He was trapped in her beguiling beauty and her soft touch. When the two pulled away, Sasuke felt as if he had gone to heaven and back, just short of gasping for air.

“Sasuke.” Sakura smiled her radiant smile, “Thank you.”

For once, Sasuke really, genuinely smiled back.

#sasuke #sakura #sasusaku #sasusaku fanfiction #naruto #Naruto Uzumaki #naruto fanfiction #Kakashi Hatake #Sasuke Uchiha #uchiha family #uchiha #tenten #fanfiction #writing #this was just sitting in my drive what the heck #fan fiction review movement #naruto shippuden

57 notes · View notes

brightly-painted-canvas · 5 years

Note

Hi! I've noticed you wrote rami and joe being roommates in one italian joe fic and i love the idea!!!! Do you mind sharing maybe more hcs?

Hi! Sorry for being so late >.(since I couldn’t finish today and tomorrow’s entries for the Sledgefu week, I figured I could at least reply to your request that was sitting for some time in my ask box)(it still took some time to write ‘cause I tend to get a lot invested in these things… hope you don’t mind!)

It all starts because Rami has to move to NYC to film Mr Robot and the flat he had decided to rent for the first months in the city is suddenly no more available (for an unlucky coincidence of bad maintenance from the previous owners, delay on reparation works from the current owner and Rami’s lack of time to get directly involved in these matters) and he has to ask to his New Yorker friends for a place to crash, promising it would be only for the time it takes for his flat to get fixed

of course Joe is the first friend to reply and the most enthusiastic one because he’s like that and he’s always there to lend a hand

of course (2) Rami’s own flat’s works get delayed over and over again and at the end he’s finishing shooting S1 of Mr Robot and he’s still living with Joe (and loving the shit out of their shared routine)

since the first week of their cohabitation, Joe has Rami saved under ‘Roomie Malek’ on his phone (and finds it hilarious, thank you very much)

he steals Rami’s phone at some point and saves himself as ‘Joe Roommazello’ (also hilarious, he’s born to make great puns)

Rami never changes that for some reason (reasons different than his inability with technology I know how to make my phone work Joe fuck right off)

problems with Rami’s real inability with technology start manifesting when Joe, who at that moment is a 30 years old single and ready to mingle boi, realises it’s impossible to successfully end a date with Rami as a roommate, since he doesn’t check his phone EVER and he always misses Joe’s texts about needing the house for himself until at least 11 pm

the times Rami walks in to Joe and a gal/bloke making out on the couch reaches uncountable amounts very fast

Joe is very uncomfortable and Rami is always apologetic but he simply seems unable to solve these recurrent awkward situations by checking and maybe replying to Joe’s desperate texts and phone calls

Joe tries to find a remedy by buying a large whiteboard he hangs on the kitchen’s wall. He divides it in seven sections for the seven days of the week and then instruct Rami to use a red marker while he uses a blue one

the whiteboard is to keep tracks of their schedules so that everyday they know what they have to do and at what hour they should be expected home without having to call the other’s manager

it starts off pretty well but then it becomes so convenient that they begin to leave messages on each other’s daily space, written in their marker colour but in opposite handwritings (‘remember to buy milk’ ‘I’m lactose intolerant’ ‘from Rami to Rami: remember to buy milk’ - underlined - ‘from Joe to Joe: remember to buy regular milk for Rami and soy milk for you’ ‘trip to LA in one week’ ‘I’m gonna miss you’ ‘you’re coming with me’ ‘oh right I forgot’ ‘this is what the board’s for’, etc.)

(a third marker is added to the board. It’s green and it means things they do together)

(it’s still impossible to prevent Rami to catch Joe in compromising positions with his dates because even writing ‘DATE NIGHT’ - underlined - on the board doesn’t mean Rami’s sleepy and tired mind after a full day on set is going to remember that he needs to give Joe his private time at home before he can have dinner, take a shower and fall into bed)

(trying to have sex while Rami’s eating cereal in the kitchen is an absolutely miserable experience, Joe finds out)

Joe stops dating altogether at some points. It saves him the stress to try and find a date and getting ready and spending lots of money for nothing. Moreover, his evenings are already plenty of fun with his and Rami’s late dinners and movie nights and script readings and scene rehearsing and lazy cuddles on the couch

cuddles are a must in their house, by the way. It’s written in their Roommates Contract which they never actually redacted but they quote from all the time since they rewatched S1 of TBBT together (‘before the show turned to shit’ ‘please don’t say that in public’). They’re both very tactile, affectionate men and they really really don’t care about any toxic masculinity crap, especially in the privacy of their own home

they mostly cuddle in the evening on the couch under a blanket (watching old movies they both love like ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ which is Joe’s favourite and always makes him cry a bit at the end) or on Joe’s bed when Rami comes home very late from set and really needs a hug before going to bed. Joe is always willing to hug someone in distress, even if that requires being woken up at 2 am with a armful of yawning Rami Malek complaining about skipping dinner and feeling NY’s freezing winter weather into his very bones

(Joe hugs him closes and then gets up to make him a ham sandwich while Rami takes a boiling hot shower)

Rami doesn’t date. There are multiple reasons why, but mostly it’s because he’s too busy with filming his first leading role in a tv show and because he’s not one for one night stands so he prefers skipping the dating process altogether while he’s too into his job to really make an effort

plus, Joe’s enough of a reassuring, calming presence in his life at the moment. He’s someone Rami can trust wholeheartedly, from that time he calls him from set panicking about forgetting to turn off the stove that morning (to which Joe has to run home and check if that is true and their apartment is on fire - it isn’t -) to that other time he fell sick with the flu and Joe cancelled his plans to take care of him and make sure he didn’t die of dehydration and lack of medications

Joe is also someone who makes Rami laugh and smile and be happy and he does so all the time, effortlessly. It is probably the characteristic that Rami loves the most about Joe, together with his intelligence and his good manners and his profound respect of others

(basically, everything about Joe is nice in Rami’s eyes)

(and it seems everything about Rami is nice in Joe’s eyes too)

because Rami is also enough for Joe. He’s there for the whole writing process of Joe’s directing debut ‘Undrafted’ and when Joe needs help rehearsing or proof reading a scene, he’s willing to sacrifice all his free time to lend a hand. Rami’s presence in Joe’s home is comforting to the point he find it difficult to fall asleep or remembering things like doing the laundry or going grocery shopping when Rami’s back in LA or somewhere promoting Mr Robot because what’s the point?

(Joe doesn’t like to do things alone anymore)

Rami makes Joe feel safe and grounded. Joe has always been a bit of an anxiety-prone person, always fretting about this or that but at the same time incredibly inclined to fall into profound boredom during lulls in activity between jobs. Rami’s presence somehow prevents him to get too caught up in his own mind during busy times and too lazy to function as a regular human being when he’s got nothing to do

it somehow reminds him of when they first met, on the set of The Pacific: Rami had been an anchor for him at that time too, the ‘one who makes it great’ with his hard work and grace under pressure and willingness to always strive for more, better, best. Their great connection and synergy had started back then and never left. This knowledge makes Joe sad sometimes, thinking about all those years in between when they hadn’t been as close, hadn’t kept in touch enough

sometimes they call Martin just to bother him at odd hours (mostly when it’s already late at night in Ireland) and they always invite him to the US to spend some time together, even if they’re all very busy with their works. Some other time they arrange nights out with Noel and Brendan and all those other The Pacific kids they’re still in contact with because they still get along like brothers and New York is the place where all their roads cross at some point or another

members of their families come to visit and arranging sleeping accommodations when the Maleks are over is the most complicated task: they have two bedrooms with queen size beds and a couch that can accomodate one more person, but they always refuse to let Nelly sleep on it and both offer their own bed to Rami’s mom

after hours of offerings and complaints (Italian hospitality having a fitful match with Egyptian proper manners… the Mediterraneans are all stubborn and prideful in their own ways of being good people), she accepts to sleep in Rami’s bed while the twins take Joe’s bed and Joe creates a nest for himself on the couch

(Nelly wakes up early one morning during their stay to find the couch empty and her three boys all asleep on Joe’s bed with Joe’s laptop still open showing its screensaver and Sami curled up against Rami’s back as Rami’s head is on Joe’s shoulder and Joe’s right arm is under Rami’s waist)

(she closes the door quietly and prepare breakfast for the four of them and doesn’t say a thing when they all emerge sleepy and messy from Joe’s bedroom, but she smiles knowingly at Sami when he catches her eyes as they witness Joe and Rami’s perfect coordination in serving each other toasts and coffee with the right amount of milk and sugar without having to say one single word)

when Yasmine comes to visit, she usually stays in a hotel with her fiancée/husband so they only have to worry about dinner and entertainment

when Joe’s sister comes to visit with her family, Rami gets so excited to see Joe’s nephews that he can’t fall asleep the night prior. He loves chatting with Mary and her husband but the kids are an absolute joy to have around: they play board games and watch movies and one time they all go ice skating together and Rami almost tears up when the youngest calls him (albeit accidentally) ‘uncle’ for the first time

soon (too soon) Mr Robot S1 is over and Undrafted is ready to go into production and while they’re very excited for their new projects, they feel like they’re slowly drifting apart and they don’t like it one bit

Rami is conflicted about moving back to LA for the months he has before S2 starts filming and taking his stuff with him to finally free Joe of his presence. He’s got enough time to look for a new place to stay on his own while he’s back living with Sami, but somehow he doesn’t want to proceed with this plan

Joe’s rarely at home enough to sit down and have a serious conversation about it, but at the same time Rami doesn’t think this is a topic they can discuss over the phone so he delays his flight and he delays having to think about it until

one evening Joe comes home tired and stressed out and crushed by the amount of pressure he’s under to make this movie (HIS movie) work

Rami is there to comfort him and force him to eat dinner and have a shower and going to bed and when Joe breaks down crying in his arms sobbing about not being good enough it takes Rami 0.01 seconds to decide to cancel his flight and stop worrying about what’s right and what’s proper because he’s needed HERE RIGHT NOW and he has to stay but most of all he WANTS to stay

he’s never gonna be perfectly sure he’s the right person to do this for Joe, if Joe needs him because he is conveniently already there in his life or if he’s there because he has been good all along (chosen maybe), because they made it work and it’s working perfectly, because somehow they’ve become exactly what the other needs for it to be right

he’s never gonna be sure but they don’t really have to talk about it either because they both wants this and they’re ready to make an effort to make it right and keep it being right

(Rami thinks Joe makes him a better person because he is inherently a good person. Joe thinks Rami makes him a better person because he is inherently a good person)

soon (2) it’s time for Mr Robot S2 and Rami never really went away in the meanwhile, but that’s okay. Joe is editing Undrafted and it’s maybe not going to be the best film ever made but it’s good and Joe likes it (and Rami likes it a lot) and that’s okay. They’re still living together and their families still love coming to visit them and their whiteboard is still full of things to do written in green and that’s okay. Rami stops looking for flats to rent or buy in NYC and that’s absolutely okay

they celebrate one year of being roommates with dinner in a fancy restaurant downtown (Rami’s choice) and a walk in the park and when they get home they watch Netflix on Joe’s bed and Joe says ‘if I’d known the only way for you not to ruin a date night was having a date night with you, I’d asked you out sooner’ and Rami laughs until there are tears in the corner of his eyes

they are (more than) okay.

#anon ask #hc request #mazlek #rami malek #joe mazzello #I don't even know if half of these reference are true (especially about their families)#but I don't want to look into it 'cause it's their private life :)#roommates #rommates mazlek

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youngnari · 5 years

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Hello my beloved 🐰 anon!!

This is coming from me, long overdue! I wanted to say how sorry I am on not participating too well and frequently in the project. I didn’t expect my whole schedule to crash, but that should never be an excuse!

So, I decided to make this entire missions into an extra one *I hope*. Thank you for being my anon, always so sweet, hyper and adoring!!! I simply couldn’t get enough on how much joy I got when your first message pops in my asks, and throughout the entire project I seriously have a lot of fun!!

And i hope you have fun also, this is for you.

From me, Nari! 🌻

#Mission 1 - Welcome to My Blog, Anonie!

My handwriting is considered small, to the point I can blind people. This is a small welcome note for you, to officially welcome you to my blog!

“Hello anon! It’s me, Nari!

We lived quite some timezone here, but I am glad we can still hit it all off! Thank you for being one of the sweetest anon, you are sincerely adorable! Here is one small gift from me to officially welcome you to my blog - Enjoy! Much Love!

-From Nari”

“Who Got Your Back?”

I always had always started stanning idols way before or since they debut, such examples are from EXO, IKon, Seventeen, and NCT are also no exception. I knew NCT since they weren’t even NCT aka smrookies, and Hansol was my bias *I love him, UGH*. I never got into them too hardcore when they debuted, but I remember that Taeyong is my v first bias. I was so into EXO and IKon that time too invest much time on NCT. But then Cherry Bomb rolls in, Johnny became my man. It did not end there, Lucas snatched my wig in Boss and I was already questioning everything, including my loyalty.

You might know the whole type I have in my bias, and yes I stan mostly rappers. BUT! Yes, But! Touch came and that was the first time my eyes were opened by Doyoung. And this bunny did nothing, HE HASN’T EVEN OPEN HIS MOUTH TO SING - HE SMILED... he smiled and now I am forever his, loyal.

My blog on the other end, I met a lot of amazing people when I started the blog and even when I was still thinking of making youngnari happened.

From @softtm who radiates the whole crackhead energy, @zhengtongue my forever mom, @hyukcieee forever sister hypeman and my love, and @dimplyjae who is my ult girl crush *did I mention I stalked her to the point her blog did encourage me making an NCT blog??*. But there is also @gemihyuck whom I met throughout my journey as a NCT blog or an IP blog, murdered me with her masterpiece, crackhead conversation, to me making her soft by confessing my love to her smh. @dahyunmingyu who is my angst queen, literally loving me with her angsty writings and her love to encourage me to stan Skz and hyping my life oh wow woman.

There are a lot of my mutuals who played a big role who are now a part of my life, a part on how I still want to make a new blog and maintain, to continue writing. So... This is getting too sappy sksksksk!!!

But yea, Love you all!!!

#Mission 2 - Playlist Tag

Wish You Were Gay by Billie Eilish

I remembered the last time I heard this was when I fought with my ex. I always thought the song is good and pretty relatable. Somehow during that time, when this suddenly and randomly played in shuffled, I cried hard. I cried the entire night and seriously felt worthless the next day, but it was the song to which gave me the encouragement to really think about my rl that time. Without knowing or srsly blinded by love, I realised I was caught in a toxic relationship - and ended it

I’m So Tired... by Lauv, Troye Sivan

I love Troye and Lauv, that’s it. When they decided to collab and release this song, you could bet I ham myself to listen to it repeatedly for 3 days straight.

Fallin’ All In You by Shawn Mendes

This is just a reminder on how sweet falling in love can be. I always appreciate how mellow and calming the vibe is.

Sucker by Jonas Brothers

2019 is saved by Jonas Brothers okay, there that’s it! I will forever replay this like there is no tomorrow and I do not regret it! Yes, I love the whole Happiness Begins album! Sucker tho, forever a bae.

Idontwannabeyouanymore by Billie Eilish

I used to not like this song, it was a reminder towards me that I had to live with flaws. I always hated myself, badly. When I decided to listen to the song again, it gave me a realisation that I was the one dragging myself down - not the people around me. Yea, it’s quite shitty but Billie can do things to my emotions.

Real Friends by Camila Cabello

This was a hard reminder for me, on how people who comes into your life doesn’t always stay. Some hurt you, slam you hard, use you to oblivion, make you feel worthless, a lot of stuff. And in the end, you still have to act you’re fine and smile to everyone

Bite by Troye Sivan

Troye is forever my baby and yes, this song!! I like the way he sang here, and how the whole song vibe can go either settling to unsettling. It’s like a nursery rhymes when I first heard it, my top list!

IRONY by Jeong Sewoon

I... decided to flung in some Sewoon

Only Human by Jonas Brothers

Another one of my love from Happiness Begins album!!

Don’t Need Your Love by NCT Dream

I bloody cried when I listened to this on the plane. I didn’t even realise that the song was already released. So the moment I played the whole playlist for NCT and listened to them, I lost it. They grown so much but they will always forever be our babies!!

What a Heavenly Way to Die by Troye Sivan

I just... like it, I really don’t know how to explain why I like this song tbh

#Mission 3 - A Match Made in Heaven

This took more than enough elimination from my NCT bio list, and I put all the calculation and equation from... idk, my imagination?????

But yes! After all the contemplation and scenarios playing in my mind, I decided to ship you with the one and only

Na Jaemin

I feel that you and Jaemin might go well to one another. I had a small assumption that you might be a shy person on the first meeting and Jaemin too, but he will probably be the one to break the ice. From there, you realised he has his way to charm people and ease them into a conversation.

Just imagine - late night drive, netflix night under your fluffy comforters, his lame jokes and flirts, cuddling up, takeouts from McDonalds and late night talk about EVERYTHING. Be playful with one another!!

Other than that, I think Jaemin will be a good soulmate. Since he seems to be very understanding and will put respect when you tell him about your boundaries. And he would do his best to give you life advice, comfort when you’re sad, or just some playful conversations!!

#nctzen anon project 🌱#🐰 anon #This is v long so i decided to put the keep read #I will feel bad for those who's gonna scroll omg #Hope you like it anon!!!#Love ya!!

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rageprufrock · 6 years

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Preview: 家教 - or - Domestic Education

So there are no indications I’m gonna claw my life back from Guardian/镇魂 anytime soon so we’re all just going to have to live in this hellhole together.

Here, have a sneak preview of a story I am writing because, again, my life is spiraling out of control and I’m making myself Chinese language flashcards so I can read boys kissing in a web novel about supernatural crime and pining.

Shen Wei is the Ghost King, born out of the unyielding chaos of the entropy that had consumed the underworld before the creation of the wheel of reincarnation. He's the cosmic guardian of death and all her darlings, and the universe through the lens of his eye is rife with demons, hungry ghosts, and shadows creeping out of their places. He's lived for 5,000 years; he has lost his brother; he has loved and mourned and loved again a god.

So there is absolutely no way he is getting sick.

"There's really no reason to worry," he tells a wreath of doe-eyed grad students.

"Professor, you sound terrible," pleads Cui Liyang. Third-year, working on reproductive biologics. Once bared her teeth at a male undergrad when he hit on her and then hissed at him like a cat. She's Zhao Yunlan's favorite.

"You also look terrible," adds Li Wei. First-year, terrified of Shen Wei, Liyang, their lab manager, dogs, his own shadow. Beautiful handwriting. Will absolutely suffer a psychological collapse before achieving his doctorate. "And you never look terrible."

"That's kind but an overstatement," Shen Wei replies, and favoring both of them with what he hopes is a firm, kind expression, he says, "Now — please don't worry anymore and focus on your work this afternoon."

***

Usually, Shen Wei is utterly indifferent to temperate changes in their glossy, high spec new building, but today the lab is uncharacteristically freezing. He goes through four cups of tea before his head starts hurting from the air conditioning.

"It's not the air conditioning," says Han Jiayi. "You've got the flu."

"That's completely impossible," he tells her.

Jiayi was the eighth person he'd interviewed for the admin role when he'd signed on at the university, and she's old Shanghai through and through: West bank, thoroughly unimpressed by him, her name drew good karmic energy, and her family name had a reassuring proximity to Shen in the Hundred Names Book. She shrugs off all the little troubles and ghosts that tend to eddy in the corners of campus, feeding off of the river of unhappiness and upheavals from the 30,000 students having first loves and terrible undergraduate careers and posting angry flyers about the leadership of the anime club.

Jiayi narrows her eyes at him. She's 10, maybe 15 years older than him, and she says she practices her glaring on her son; Shen Wei assumes its why she's so terrifying and effective. He once ripped the throat out of a vampire using his bare hands, and he still makes Yunlan look over messages he sends her on Sunday nights.

"You look even ghostlier than usual and you're wearing two sweaters," she informs him, and reaches over to put a hand on his forehead, scowling. "And you have a fever."

Jiayi's palm is gloriously cool, and she still carries the vapor traces of incense from the family memorial they keep in their front hall: warm and lingering with the good wishes of her grandmother and great aunts and uncles. He leans into her touch — he feels heavy, weighty, all over — and wishes he wasn't so tired; his afternoon biology lecture is going to be a nightmare.

"I don't get fevers," he says to Jiayi, because the idea is ridiculous on its face; Shen Wei can plunge everyday spaces into fathomless winter with just his presence.

Jiayi ignores him and plucks out her phone; she has a look on her face that means she's no longer soliciting or interested in Shen Wei's opinion. It's an expression he has always been forced to respect, whether it came to administrative activities, student activities, his class load and schedule or, evidently, his personal life. He's thought sometimes about trying to draw some boundaries but he can't operate the university's online grade submission system and he's terrified she'll leave him.

"Hello?" she says into her phone, and from the other side, there's a tinny voice that — even distorted — is very familiar.

"Oh, no," Shen Wei says — to Jiayi, to the air, to no one.

"It's me," she goes on. "Sorry to interrupt you, but your you-know-who is sick here, has a fever and everything — can you take him home today?"

There's a din of tinny shouting from the phone — "Oh, no," Shen Wei repeats morosely — and a lot of Jiayi raising one eyebrow, then both eyebrows, then squinting and biting her lip. The progression is troubling to the extreme.

"He's in Beijing," Shen Wei tries, feeling more wretched by the second. "He's at a mandatory law enforcement conference. He's learning about modern Communism."

When Shen Wei had woken up that morning alone in their bed, he'd stared at their ceiling and felt very sorry for himself for almost 30 minutes before he'd dragged himself out of the blankets and gone to the bathroom. He'd brushed his teeth and read through the 209 separate WeChat messages Zhao Yunlan had sent between yesterday night at 11:34 p.m. and 6:30 that morning — at least 12 of which were admonitions on which plants to water and which plants he was explicitly not to water.

"Okay — we'll do it like that," Jiayi says into the phone, and hangs up. "Well. He's in Beijing and he said if he tries to leave his father will jump off a building for shame."

"See," Shen Wei says.

"However," she tells him, scowling, "it's been decided that you're staying in your office and resting until someone can come get you, and someone else can handle your 3 p.m."

Shen Wei gets a flash of his grad students' schedules. "Liyang has an experiment running — she can't do it this afternoon."

"Li Wei is here," Jiyang says, and starts pecking away at her phone. Shen Wei hears the 'ding' of a message sent, and from down the hall, Li Wei yells, "Professor Shen, no!" Jiyang looks unmoved. "There."

"Jiyang, he'll die," Shen Wei pleads, clutching his class notes to his chest. "What will I say to his parents?"

"That he went on the battlefield like a man," she retorts and claws them out of his hands. "Now — sit there, drink tea quietly, and just wait. Mrs. Police Man said someone would be along to fetch you within the hour."

***

Shen Wei's always had an unconventional relationship with time.

Minutes, hours he can manage, but when time starts to stretch out into longer and longer periods, they all begin to blend and blur together. What's a year to a creature whose age reaches back before the first dynasties? During the Tang Dynasty, he lost an entire decade, sleeping inside a monastery — finally stripped to the bone and too tired to wake — and had come awake groggy with his own mourning to find he'd been entombed inside a golden Buddha statue as a saint along with about 4 liters of honey.

That day, sitting in his office, it's waking up in the Buddha again: eyes sticky and his limbs slow. Shen Wei stares numbly at a faraway corner of his office listening to his phone chirping with alert after alert, wondering how much time has passed since Jiayi had pressed onto him a cup of steaming tie guanyin tea and deposited him at his desk.

Everything takes forever; he feels like he's swimming, and after two separate tries, he's finally able to grab his phone — there are 12 messages from Li Wei, all different WeChat sobbing emojis — to check the time.

Except before he can focus on the clock, he sees a message from Zhao Yunlan instead.

Ah-Lan: Shen Wei-ah! You're sick! I didn't think it was possible!

Ah-Lan: I'm sorry I can't get away to come take you home. :(

Ah-Lan: Don't worry, Mom said she'd come get you. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

"What," Shen Wei asks his phone, the same time there's a knock on his office door, followed immediately by Jiayi's incandescently happy face as she peeks in and then leans back to call over her shoulder:

"You're just in time, Madam Zhao. He's got that half-dead-not-alive look and he's just frozen at his desk."

Shen Wei has no idea what face he pulls, but when Zhao Yunlan's mother steps into his office, she favors him with a look of transporting pity.

"Oh, Shen Wei," she says.

#guardian #镇魂 #fanfic #preview

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forzalando · 6 years

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Dear Sirius ~ Sirius Black

hi guys ok so this was a request, sent in literally FOREVER ago, by @l-am-tired and I just got around to writing it and i am SO sorry it took so long. I sincerely hope you like it :)

special thanks to @hermione-who and @thoseofgreatambition for reading beforehand and giving me feedback :) love you both so much!

the original request is here!!

Black,

I will not ever apologize for the nature of this message.

You are truly the most inconsiderate person I have ever encountered in my entire life. People go to the library to study, not to be disturbed by your ridiculous pranks or incessant chatting. I mean, honestly, how do you manage to sneak in every single day and evade Madame Pince as if it were an easy feat? I can’t even whisper without receiving one of her dreadful glares.

Some of us have to study for good marks; we can’t all be as fortunate as you. If you would kindly refrain from entering the library next Tuesday through Thursday, I would be eternally grateful.

From, (Your Initials)

Dear (Your Initials),

Blimey, I hope I never come across you on a bad day. Your words are quite nasty, all I want is to give people a good laugh while they’re crying over textbooks and I can’t help it if my beautiful voice echoes amongst the shelves of books.

Madame Pince adores my best mate Remus, so she does not usually punish me unless I do something drastic or dangerous. It’s rewarding to have a bookworm as a best friend in more ways than one.

If you don’t mind me asking, why must I avoid the library next Tuesday through Thursday? I just want to make sure you have a good enough reason before I change my whole schedule around for someone that sent me hate mail who, for all I know, I have never met.

Kindest Regards, Sirius Orion Black

Sirius Black,

If you must know, Professor Slughorn detests me and gave me an ‘Acceptable’ on my last practical exam even though I only made one small mistake. My father is a potions master and will be so disappointed in me if I don’t get at least an E on my potions N.E.W.T.

I’m being tutored on those three days because we have another practical on Friday. So, please, if you have a heart, stay out of the library. If you must be in the library, please, for the love of Merlin, stay quiet. I want the library to be as quiet as Professor Binn’s morning lessons because everyone is always asleep. Does anyone even like History of Magic?

Also, I know I said I would never apologize, but I’m sorry for being so rude in my first letter. I was a bit angry but you didn’t deserve to be called the most inconsiderate person I’ve ever met. That title is reserved for someone else.

Anyway, have a good night, Sirius.

Sincerely, (Your Initials)

Dearest (Your Initials),

It’s quite alright, I know I can be a bit much sometimes.

Hey, if you need a great tutor, Moony – I mean Remus, is a genius in every subject. Last month he helped Dorcas Meadows go from a ‘Poor’ on her Veritaserum practical to an ‘E’ on the Amortentia practical. I swear, the boy is magic, pun most definitely intended. I asked him if he would be up for it and he said yes, so all you have to do is find him and ask!

I’m curious to know who the most inconsiderate person you’ve ever met is…an ex-boyfriend? Former lover? Severus Snape?

It’s probably the latter. I’ve seen him do some things worthy of that title.

I swear to you, on my honor, I will stay out of the library on the days you specified.

Hugs and Kisses, Sirius

Sirius,

Like I would tell you who the person I hate the most is! You don’t even know my name, my house, or anything about me other than that I’m not that great at potions and spend ample time in the library.

I have a great tutor, but thank you for asking Remus if he would help a random Hogwarts student. For all you know, I could be one of the truly evil Slytherins (not all of them are that terrible, you know).

You don’t have to keep writing to me, I’m sure it’s tiresome looking for the owl reserved for anonymity every day. Besides, it’s Tuesday and you did not cause a disturbance in the library this evening. For that, I am eternally grateful, as promised.

Your Friend, Sincerely, (Your Initials)

(Your Initials),

You think you’re sneaky but I saw that scribbled out ‘Your Friend’! I’d reckon we’re friends, yeah? I look forward to receiving your letters and I hope you feel the same about mine, otherwise this would be terribly awkward.

I am a man of my word, so of course I stayed out of the library today. Plus, I can’t have you going around telling people I’m a terrible person because I ignored your desperate pleas.

Only two more days until the dreaded practical! Are you sure you don’t want Moony’s help? I swear you won’t regret it.

James asked me to help him write his DADA essay due Thursday (crazy, right? Someone asking me for help? I knew I was a genius!), so if I promise to be quiet and only focus on schoolwork, may I enter the library tomorrow night?

Your Friend, Sirius

Sirius,

I know this is late notice (I did not have a chance to write you yesterday because I was incredibly busy) but of course you can enter the library! I hope you did so that you could help James! I know I might have banned you from it but you don’t have to ask my permission to study there. What did you think I was going to do, hex you if I saw your obnoxiously pretty face?

That would be a sight to see. I’m sure the entire female population of Hogwarts would call for my head on a stick.

Please don’t remind me of how soon the practical is – it is literally tomorrow! If I don’t get Draught of Living Death right on the first try tonight I’m going to hide in the Astronomy tower forever. It’s quite nice up there at night so I can just sleep during the day and stay awake all night to look at the stars.

Hope you had fun helping James with his essay!

Your Friend, (Your Initials)

(Your Initials),

Obnoxiously pretty face? You’re too kind, though most girls go with ‘incredibly sexy’ or ‘devilishly handsome’. However, I’ll take all the compliments I can get, especially if they’re coming from someone as wonderful as you. I would never let the entire female population of Hogwarts lay one finger on you.

It’s nice to know there is another who appreciates the Astronomy tower as much as I do. The next time you visit at night, keep an eye out for Canis Major. It contains Sirius: the star I was named after, the brightest star in Earth’s night sky, and a beautiful sight to see.

I did not have fun helping James with his essay last night, believe it or not. He was too busy making googly eyes at your friend Lily until she left to go tutor someone, who I suspect was you since you said you had a brilliant potions tutor. I can’t believe she finally gave him a chance, I thought he was going to be pining after her forever.

If I don’t have the chance to write you again before tomorrow, good luck on the practical. I know you can do it. I believe in you. You are smart, fully capable, and determined. Slughorn will be so impressed with your Draught of Living Death he’ll invite you to join the Slug Club and you can take me as your date to all of his parties.

Your Friend, Sirius

Sirius,

THE PRACTICAL IS FINALLY OVER AND DONE!

I feel like I can breathe again. I made no mistakes, can you believe it? I could cry, I’m so happy and relieved.

This will probably make your already gigantic head even bigger, but Canis Major is my favorite constellation, and Sirius is my favorite star. But, it has absolutely nothing to do with you; I was really into astronomy before I even knew I was a witch and started at Hogwarts.

You think I’m wonderful? Smart? Capable? Determined? Sirius Black, you don’t even know who I am. It’s just in your nature to flirt with every female that crosses your path.

Your Friend, (Your Initials)

Dear Y/N,

As a matter of fact, I do know who you are because I am an observant lad. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff have their potions practical exams on Thursdays, while Gryffindor and Slytherin have theirs on Fridays. You wrote previously that you “could be one of the truly evil Slytherins”, and a true Slytherin would never call their housemates evil, which leads me to believe that you are a fellow Gryffindor.

Secondly, Lily accidentally let it slip a few weeks ago that she was tutoring you in potions before you even wrote to me. I have a very good memory.

(I also recognized your handwriting after your second letter from when we were paired together for that History of Magic assignment in fifth year. You have very distinct cursive.)

You underestimate me, Y/N, I’m not just an obnoxiously pretty face.

Your Friend, Sirius

Sirius,

You’re unbelievable. I may be one of Lily’s friends, and a Gryffindor, but we never really speak and I thought you didn’t know of my existence besides the week of the History of Magic project. You didn’t speak much, so I thought you were angry you weren’t paired with James, Remus, or Peter. I’ve always been quite intimidated by you.

Lily suggested I just ask you in person to stay out of the library, but I probably would have fainted before I could get any words out so I thought an anonymous letter would do the trick. Somehow, it did, and after conversing with you, I’ve decided you’re really not that intimidating.

Congratulations, Black, your impeccable penmanship and irritating charm has somehow helped me to not be intimidated by you and your presence.

Your Friend, Y/N

Dearest Y/N,

You know what would really change your mind about me? If you would let me take you to Hogsmeade this weekend.

Honestly, I’ve always known of your existence. I have since you stood next to me at the sorting ceremony and then sat next to me during the feast our first year. You probably don’t even remember, but you told me that I had pretty eyes and I’ve been hooked on you ever since.

It’s funny how everyone thinks of me as this confident, charming young man, but I’ve been afraid to speak to you for the past seven years.

Why? I couldn’t tell you.

Moony thinks it’s because you intimidate me, which is actually a pretty great theory because you’re bloody gorgeous, the smartest girl I’ve ever met, and you have the kindest heart.

James thinks it’s because you never paid any attention to me and I was secretly afraid of rejection, which also makes sense.

I think I’m just a bloody idiot who should have told you years ago how I feel, but I was too busy being a trollop and ignoring my feelings because emotions are complicated and messy.

So, what do you say? Will you let me take you out? Woo you?

Hugs and (hopefully) Kisses, Sirius Black, The Man Whose Heart You Stole

Sirius,

I have a confession. You intimidated me because I’ve had the most humongous crush on you since, you guessed it, the sorting ceremony, and I was afraid I would make a fool out of myself in front of you. Honestly, when you’re around, I can’t form coherent thoughts in my head, which is bloody terrifying because I am an articulate and confident young woman. There’s just something about you that turns me into a blushing, bumbling mess.

I’d love for you to take me out and ‘woo me’. There’s no time like the present! I can’t believe we wasted almost seven years because we were too afraid to speak to each other.

I feel like I’m eleven years old again when I wanted to tell you that I was excited to get to know you, that I was so very happy that we were put in the same house, and that I hoped we would be great friends, but all I could manage was “you have pretty eyes”, which I guess worked in my favor.

Hugs and (eventual) Kisses, Y/N

permanent tag list: @thephelpstwins, @yourslytherinprincess, @wutheringweasley, @weaslcywheezes

(let me know if you want to be added to a tag list!)

#sirius black x reader #sirius black fluff #sirius black imagine #sirius black #sirius black fic #hp x reader #hp fluff

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zoemurph · 6 years

Text

to have a friend, chapter six: $136

on ao3 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

i was gonna hold back on posting this but im impatient. if you thought this was going to be subtle in any way you should know ive never been subtle a day in my life. please read the end notes chill thank you

warnings: depression, suicidal thoughts, small mention of blood (in the past)

enjoy!!

Connor has made a lot of mistakes in his life. Sure, everyone does, but most people aren’t as giant fuck ups as Connor is.

Right now, at the very top of his ‘what the fuck were you thinking’ list, is letting Evan Hansen fall asleep on him.

He wouldn’t have pushed Evan off of him or anything like that, he’s not a monster, but god. He regrets letting Evan stay like that for almost three hours. Curled up against him and breathing gently and looking all calm and at peace while he slept. His hair had been ridiculously soft and he smelt like pine and—

Connor covers his face with his hands.

Evan fell asleep on his shoulder almost two weeks ago and it’s literally occupied so many of Connor’s thoughts that he’s going to scream.

The universe is really fucking cruel. Of course he’d develop a painful crush on the guy that he’s paying to pretend to be his friend. Hilarious.

He’s been trying to keep it subtle. Under wraps. Don’t smile too much at Evan. Don’t laugh too much. Don’t touch him. At all. No physical contact at all whatsoever unless Evan initiates it first.

There has been a few times where Evan has looked up at Connor with a smile and Connor has actually thought he was about to combust. And then he had to go to AP Literature and pretend his heart wasn’t about to explode.

Alana Beck had given him a weird look when he walked into the room. He’d sat down and buried his face in his arms and pretended he was tired.

So yeah. Connor might have a minor crush on his fake best friend. No big deal. Shouldn’t be a big deal. He’s had crushes before and handled them fine. This shouldn’t be any different.

Except it is.

It’s different in every way. He starts every day at Evan’s locker. He eats lunch with Evan if they have the same lunch hour. He smiles at Evan in the hallway and Evan waves at him with a grin that Connor pretends isn’t fake because it hurts less. He ends his day at Evan’s locker. On Wednesdays, they go to the computer lab and print out Evan’s letter for his therapist. They plan their hang outs softly in the hallways, because Larry could still be checking Connor’s messages, even though Connor changes his password every two weeks. Connor texts Evan about anything. Random things. Random facts he finds online that Evan replies to with his own random facts.

The difference is Evan.

Evan is so many things. It’s a never ending list that Connor keeps adding to mentally because he loves to torture himself. And it hurts, because he’s so many things that Connor will never actually have in his life. He’s not sure how long he can actually keep up this fake friends thing. Purely because of the money. He’s starting to run out of his own money and has been slipping money from his mom’s purse or Larry’s wallet whenever he gets the chance, but it’s still risky.

Not that Connor won’t risk it for another few hours with Evan.

It’s kind of pathetic. It’s definitely pathetic.

But has Connor ever been anything other than pathetic?

Connor stares at the ceiling. He couldn’t sleep. And now he’s awake. At four in the morning on a Monday. He’s awake at four in the morning thinking about a boy with a heart stopping smile and a dusting of freckles across the bridge of his nose.

Connor doesn’t actually know if he’s ever been gayer than he is in this exact moment in time.

Eventually he just gets out of bed because what’s the fucking point of lying around. A tiny part of his mind thinks ‘hey you could do homework right now’. Connor laughs at that part of his brain and grabs a sketchbook off his desk.

He actually managed to clean up some of his room. Some of his clothes are now in drawers instead of covering his floor. But he has succeeded in finding a bunch of empty sketchbooks, from back when he thought he was going to be drawing a lot more then he ended up doing.

He might have run out of purple in his watercolor palette, but at least he has about six empty sketchbooks that he can fill with garbage.

Connor puts in his headphones and sits on the floor, leaning against the edge of his bed, and draws mindlessly. He sort of lets the music inspire him, but he also just draws whatever comes to mind. He vaguely remembers someone once saying that he should draw interactions between people in his sketchbook, so he makes an attempt to not just draw a bunch of busts facing three quarters to the left.

He finds a random highlighter under his desk. He stares at it for a second before uncapping it and randomly adding neon yellow wherever he feels like it. Because it’s his sketchbook and he can do whatever the fuck he wants.

He’s still drawing when Zoe appears in his doorway.

Connor pulls out an earbud and looks up at her. “What?”

“Was just going to wake you up,” she says flatly. “Guess I don’t have to. Get your ass down to breakfast. We have to leave early today. Band.”

Connor rolls his eyes and closes his sketchbook. He tosses it on his bed. Whatever.

—«·»—

“You okay?” Evan asks when he joins Connor at the locker.

Connor shrugs. “Tired.”

“Is that all?” Evan furrows his eyebrows and there’s a crease in his forehead and Connor looks away.

“Yeah.” He is tired. He can feel his sleep schedule falling out of place, and it’s not just Evan. That’s not a good sign because then he has to reset it and that’s fucking annoying. “Here,” he says, holding out a ten. “My half for the pizza.”

There’s a second before Evan takes it. “You know I can’t eat all that pizza by myself anyway.” Connor thinks he might be trying for a light tone, but it seems forced.

Of course it’s forced. They aren’t actually friends, Evan just puts up with Connor.

Connor clenches his jaw.

Maybe the first thing on his list of mistakes should be asking Evan Hansen to be his fake friend.

—«·»—

Connor leans against Evan’s locker as he waits. Weird how much of his life revolves around Evan now. He’ll decide if that’s healthy or not later.

“Sup, dude,” Jared says, walking up to Connor.

Connor nods to him. He’s too tired to deal with Jared, but he’ll do his best. But only for Evan.

“Seen the acorn?” Jared asks.

Connor tries not to grimace. “Not since lunch.”

“Hello.” Alana joins them by the locker. The small hallway is getting crowded. “Are you waiting for Evan?”

Jared and Connor exchange a glance.

“Yeah,” Jared says. “How’d you guess?”

“This is Evan’s locker,” Alana says.

“Oh.”

“Why are we waiting for Evan?” Zoe asks.

Connor rolls his eyes. Where did she come from? “There was no ‘we’ here. It was just me.” He shoots a glare to Jared.

Jared scoffs. “You can’t hog my best friend.”

Connor raises his eyebrow. “Best friend?”

“Am I not bringing you home then?” Zoe asks, crossing her arms. “Because I don’t have rehearsal and I’m not waiting.”

“I’m good,” Connor says. “I’ll figure something out.”

Zoe makes a face. “Okay. Have fun.”

Alana turns and watches Zoe vanish into the crowd of students. “Zoe does a lot.”

“So do you,” Connor points out. “Did you need Evan?” For some reason, he doesn’t want Alana or Jared here. He wants Evan by himself. Because he’s a selfish asshole.

Alan shifts uncomfortably. “Not necessarily. I just wanted to say hi.”

“Hi,” Evan says.

Connor turns to see Evan behind him. Alana lifts a hand to wave.

“S-sorry for making you wait,” Evan apologizes.

Connor steps aside to let Evan into his locker. “It’s fine,” he promises.

Evan glances to Jared. “Wh-what’s up?”

“Just checking in on my…bud.” Jared awkwardly punches Evan in the shoulder.

Evan stares at him. “I’ll tell my mom,” he says after a moment.

“Cool cool cool chill.” Jared runs a hand over his hair. “Nice.”

Connor squints at Jared. “Are you having a stroke?”

Jared flips him off.

“How— how are you?” Evan asks Alana. “We haven’t, um, really—”

“Talked?” Alana interrupts. She shrugs. “I’m alright. Yourself?”

Evan glances to Connor. “Okay. Did you— were you just saying hi?”

Alana rocks back on her heals. “I actually had a question about student council? Or two. Either way it should only be a minute of your time!”

Evan blinks. “S-student council?”

She nods. “If you don’t mind! I actually have to run to make a poster but if you want to talk tomorrow—”

“Talk now,” Jared says, butting in. “I’ve got you, girl, I’m a master at illegal photoshop.” He points his thumb at himself. “Tell me what you need and I can get it to you in like fifteen.”

Alana eyes Jared suspiciously. “Are you sure?”

Jared scoffs. “Am I sure? Do you even know me?”

“Yes.”

Evan bites his lower lip to hold back a smile and Connor has to look away before it makes him smile.

Jared scowls. “Seriously, I’ve got you. It’s not hard, it’s some fucking text and a clipart picture. I’m not busting out inDesign or anything. Chill, talk to Evan, meet me in the computer lab when you’re done.”

Alana looks at him for a long moment before she says, “Okay. I’m trusting you.” She pulls out a notebook and quickly writes down instructions. Connor watches her write in fascination. He doesn’t pay enough attention in literature to know her handwriting and it’s a lot less neat than he thought it’d be. There’s a dramatic tilt to it and the letters loop and blur together.

Alana tears the page from her notebook and hands it to Jared. “Do what you can while I talk to Evan,” she says seriously. “Don’t send anything to print until I okay it, besides, we need the vice principal’s signature before we can start hanging these up. Don’t make this harder for me.”

Jared rolls his eyes and folds up the paper. “I get it I get it. I’m not five. See you losers. And Alana. See you in a bit.” He shoots them finger guns before turning and walking down the hallway toward the computer lab.

Alana looks at Connor.

Connor looks back.

Evan looks at Connor.

Connor gets the message.

“See you later, Ev,” Connor says.

Evan gives him a small smile. “I’ll text you.”

Connor hums as he walks away, doing a little salute to Alana as he turns.

Now what the fuck to do? He doesn’t want to go home yet and he doesn’t have a heavy enough jacket to go to the playground. It’s the last week of October and Mother Nature decided a bit of ice was needed before Halloween. The temperature keeps dipping below freezing and it’s some bullshit.

He glances back over his shoulder to see Evan and Alana at the end of the hallway. Alana is gesturing as Evan nods along. Connor’s stomach twists and bitter thoughts start to cloud his mind, but he shoves them away and focuses on the boringly beige color of the lockers. One after another. Exactly the same.

He finds his feet bringing him toward the computer lab. Even though it’s Monday, not Wednesday. Even though Jared is there. For some reason, the computer lab is the most comforting place in this dump.

That’s fucking depressing.

Connor shoulders the door open. Maybe if he sticks around in here Evan will show up with Alana. Or something.

So much of his day should not be devoted to thinking about Evan Hansen, but here he is.

Jared is sitting at one of the computers, bag on the floor and feet up on the table. He has a browser and about thirty tabs open. He chews on a pen as he types.

Jared glances up at Connor. He lowers the pen. “The fuck do you want?”

“Bored.” Connor kicks one of the chairs that’s not pushed in. “Why do you care?”

“Bored without Evan to harass?” Jared mutters.

Connor furrows his eyebrows. “What the fuck did you just say?”

“What do you think you heard?” Jared asks. “Cause it’s probably exactly that.”

Connor scoffs. “Okay. Nice one, douchebag.”

“Oh, shit, name calling!” Jared spins away from the computer and glares at Connor. “Are we name calling now? Is that what we’re doing?”

“I’m not harassing, Evan.” Connor crosses his arms. “Can’t say the same for you.”

Jared rolls his eyes. “I’ve known the guy for like twelve years, I know what the fuck I’m doing.”

Connor grits his teeth and digs his fingers into his jacket. “Do you? Do you really?”

“What?!” Jared snaps, standing up. “Do you have something you want to fucking say to me?”

Connor laughs sharply. “I have a few fucking things to say to you.”

“Go for it, bro,” Jared throws his arms out, “no one’s going to stop you!”

“Do you really think Evan is your best friend?” Connor is surprised that those are the first words out of his mouth. They taste sour and feel like acid. His insides are being eaten up by vicious venom and he’s drowning in bitterly cold thoughts.

“I’ve known him since we were five,” Jared says.

“And I’ve known Zoe since she was fucking born,” Connor snaps. “And she would be happier if I were dead so I wouldn’t hold us up as a great example for friendship. That’s not good enough.”

“Okay, okay! You think you’re Evan’s best friend?” Jared counters. “Because that’s bullshit. That’s bullshit and we both fucking know it. Because I know what this is and it’s not friendship.”

It isn’t and that hurts more than anything Jared could ever say to Connor. More than anything anyone could say to him. More than things Zoe has yelled at him, more than what Larry has spit.

More than things Connor has told himself when everything was dark and there was no way out.

Because it’s so fucking easy to pretend. To pretend that this is real and tangible and not— not what it is. Fake. A lie. A fabrication. Something that could be torn apart at any moment. It’s been two months, but it’s nothing more than a web that Connor and Evan have crafted. Nothing actually ties them together.

Connor is still lost. And Connor is still alone.

He almost chokes on his words and their bitterness. “You can’t get mad at me when all you’ve done for years is be a shitty friend,” he hisses.

“At least I’m not paying him and pretending!” Jared practically yells.

Connor digs his nails into the palm of his hand and he is so glad he and Jared are on opposite sides of the room. He has so many things he wants to yell or scream and just eject into the universe.

None of them can make it to his throat.

“Oh fuck you,” he snaps, spinning on his heel and storming toward the door. He throws them open and stalks down the hall, trying to breathe and stop the spiraling.

Before the doors shut, he can hear Jared shout, “Fuck you!”

—«·»—

It’s bitterly cold outside and Connor can’t feel his hands.

He goes to the playground. He sits on the top of the jungle gym and stares at the overgrown field. He remembers when they played bad games of soccer and tripped on the ditches in the grass. He looks at the parking lot. Old and forgotten. Cracked and run down.

There’s the pothole where Zoe dripped and fell on her face. She bit her bottom lip when she fell and cut up her face and was bleeding everywhere. Connor had been called down to the nurse’s office while the school called their mom because Zoe was hysterical. The blood was actually kind of cool (Zoe would think so too later when she wasn’t in pain) but Connor sat next to Zoe and held her hand while she cried and the nurse cleaned up the blood.

Connor sighs and pulls his knees up to his chest.

The more time he spends here — the more time he spends here when he isn’t high — the harder it is to not think of the memories. To not think of times when things weren’t constantly garbage.

Like the sewer grate a few feet away from where Zoe fell. Everyone used to say there was an alligator living down there. Everyone would gather around it and throw rocks inside, any rocks that would fit, to feed the alligator. Because a rock eating alligator living in the sewers made sense to a group of first graders.

Everything makes more sense when you’re a first grader. You say you’re going to marry someone because your friend wants to marry them and then you get in a fight because you can’t both marry the same person and you spill juice all over the place and learn how to add numbers together using shitty timed math tests.

When Connor was a first grader his biggest problem was usually what his mom packed him for snacks.

Now it’s a game of ‘is today the day I just fucking jump off a bridge or what?’

Unfortunately, jumping off a jungle gym built for seven year olds probably won’t even break his arm.

And now he’s back to Evan.

Connor wants to laugh. Or scream. Or tear his hair out. He is nothing to Evan and somehow Evan is almost everything to him and that is as fucking pathetic as he can get.

Instead he just bites down on his wrist. It doesn’t even hurt through his jacket, but it’s something to do. Something other than just—

Screaming on an abandoned playground.

People don’t typically give a shit but also someone would probably call the cops.

Jared wasn’t right but he also wasn’t wrong. And Connor wants to violently rip out the part of himself that likes Evan Hansen. The part of him that turns to mush when Evan smiles like that. The part of him that keeps cycling back to Evan’s hair, Evan’s eyes, Evan’s freckles, Evan’s voice, Evan’s laugh—

Connor wants to destroy the parts of himself that like Evan.

He would have to destroy all himself.

He bites down harder on his jacket and tries not to think. Thinking can only hurt more.

Evan gives Connor a worried look the next day. Connor meets him by his locker, just because it’s what they do. If it were up to him, he would be at home. Asleep. Or in the library. Asleep. Or reading. Or not…here. Not with Evan. With his polos and his smile and his hair and his eyes.

He got his cast off almost a week ago, but it’s still strange to see Evan with two bare arms. And for Evan to not have Connor’s name scribbled on him like some five year old got a hold of a Sharpie. Connor is both relieved and misses it.

It fucking sucks. But what doesn’t?

“You didn’t answer my texts last night,” Evan says slowly. “Everything okay?”

“Fine,” Connor grumbles. He lets his hair fall into his face because it means he has to see less of the world. And maybe it looks scarier or something. He wants to be left alone today. “Sorry, I fell asleep.”

He’s not lying. When his body was so cold that he thought he was going to be unable to move, he climbed down from the top of the jungle gym and walked home. The heat in the house made his skin tingle as he warmed up and his mom tried to talk to him but he just shook his head and went up to his room. He pushed everything but his comforter off his bed and went to sleep. He woke up around eleven, made a quesadilla in the microwave, ate it, watched YouTube for four hours, woke up, and stumbled into the car so Zoe could drive him to school.

It hadn’t really occurred to him to check his phone. Wasn’t like he had friends or anything.

Evan chews on his lip. “Okay,” he says softly. “Just like… Um, talk to me? If you need to?”

Connor meets Evan’s eyes and his heart leaps to his throat. Evan needs to stop…all of that. Especially the concerned look in his eyes, like he cares.

Evan is a good actor.

—«·»—

They have lunch hour together on Tuesdays. Usually Connor sits with Evan.

His head won’t stop spinning.

He hides in the back of the library and tries to do the assignment for literature. He reads the same paragraph four times before he buries his face in the pages. Hot tears prickle the corner of his eyes.

Fuck.

He should’ve skipped. He should’ve stayed home. He should’ve done anything else. Other than be here. This is bad, school is bad. The only thing worth it would be Evan, but he’s avoiding Evan because his mind is awful but his mind is right.

Alana gives him a worried look when he sits down in literature. Their class only has fourteen kids, but he still sits in the back in silence unless the teacher asks him specifically a question.

Today, Connor changes his seat.

He sits in the back corner. More isolated than usual. His head hurts, probably because he forced himself not to cry because he hates crying, and his brain keeps twisting into something darker and darker.

He looks up from his arms when a book is put down on the desk next to him.

Alana doesn’t say anything. She just puts her backpack down on the floor and spreads out her pens before she opens her notebook up.

Connor watches her write in her tilted looping letters for a moment before he puts his head back down.

—«·»—

Zoe has rehearsal. Connor walks home.

He doesn’t stop at Evan’s locker. He should. He really fucking should.

If anyone talks to him he’s going to snap. He’s going to break and yell and— he can’t.

He has a plan for when he gets home. Steal a loaf of bread from the kitchen. Maybe the butter. Go up to his room. Sit in bed and eat bread. Pass out. Wake up whenever. Eat. Go back to bed. School? Whatever.

His mom isn’t in the kitchen when he unlocks the door. Good. He grabs the least offensive loaf of bread from the cabinet and a random third of a stick of butter from the last time Cynthia baked and a butter knife from the drawer. He climbs the stairs silently and goes to his room and wishes that he had a door. He pulls out his laptop and opens a random YouTube video and lets it fade into background noise as he eats bread.

Fucking life.

He’s on his third slice when the doorbell rings. Connor looks down at his bed and accepts his fate of a lifetime of crumb filled sheets. The doorbell rings again.

“Mom?” he shouts.

There’s no response and the doorbell rings again.

“We fucking get it,” Connor mutters. He puts down the knife on his desk and climbs out of bed. He takes his time getting to the front door, hoping whoever is there will just go the fuck away. He frowns when he sees Zoe in the window. She meets his eye and flips him off.

“What did you forget your keys?” Connor asks as he opens the door.

“No, dumbass, but you forgot your friend.” Zoe jerks her thumb over her shoulder toward her car. Evan is standing by the passenger side door. “Nice going, dipshit,” she mutters shouldering him roughly as she passes him to get into the house.

Connor glances over his shoulder at her before looking back to Evan.

Evan is just staring at him. He doesn’t look like he’s going to move any time soon.

Conor sighs and runs a hand through his hair. Okay. Okay.

He pulls on his shoes and shouts to Zoe that he’s leaving the door open. She just sort of yells back at him and he figures that’s enough. Then he steps outside and walks toward Evan and, probably, death.

“What’s wrong?” Evan says as soon as Connor gets close.

“Nothing is wrong,” Connor says.

Evan scowls. “I— Come on, I know you better than that by now. We’re— We’ve…” He shakes his head. “I-I thought about it. A lot. I was worried I did something wrong. I went through everything I’ve done in the past two days— the past week. A-and I had nothing. You’ve been acting— Alana came to me asking how you were because of something that happened in lit so just…” He glares at Connor. Connor’s been trying so hard to not think about his eyes. “I told you to talk to me.”

“You aren’t my therapist, Ev,” Connor mutters. “You don’t need to hear this shit.”

“I’ll tell you if I can’t handle it,” Evan says with more confidence behind his words than Connor thinks he’s heard before. “But I told you to talk to me and you— you’re just isolating yourself. That’s not going to help.”

Connor tugs a hand through his hair. “Seriously it’s just— it happens sometimes. It’s not a big deal we don’t have to make into one.”

Evan crosses his arms. “Okay. Fine. If something is wrong, just tell me that. Tell me things are shitty. That’s all you have to say, because I get it. Tell me when you aren’t okay, don’t just be a dick.”

That’s a hell of a promise to make but… “Okay.”

Evan nods and pulls his backpack on. “I’ll see you tomorrow. I just… Figured we should talk than sooner than later.”

Connor looks from the car to Evan. “Do you…need a ride home?”

“I can walk,” Evan says. “I have sch-scholarship essays waiting at home for me. I’m not in a rush.”

“You wouldn’t be bothering Zoe,” Connor says softly. “I’ll take you.”

“I thought…” Evan trails off.

“I know where my license is. Larry isn’t as good at hiding things as he thinks.” Connor turns back to the house. “Stay here, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Connor ducks back inside the house. “Zoe I’m stealing the car!” he shouts, grabbing her keys from the bowl by the door.

“What?!”

He goes back to Larry’s office and digs through the files in the bottom desk drawer until he pulls his license from a manila folder.

Zoe stands at the front door with her arms crossed over her chest. “What are you doing?”

“I’m driving Evan home.” Connor tries to push past her, but Zoe pushes right back.

“You aren’t allowed to drive.”

Connor holds up his license. “Get fucked.”

She narrows her eyes at him. “Did you break into Dad’s office?”

“There was no breaking and I live in this house, so move and let me take Evan home.” Zoe stands her ground. “I’m not high, Zo. And I know how to fucking drive. It’ll be fifteen minutes, the world won’t end.”

Zoe closes her eyes. “I… Just pay attention. Be safe. Don’t crash or anything.”

“Yeah yeah I’ll protect the car,” Connor mutters. “Stop being Mom.”

Zoe grimaces. “Okay. Drive him home. Whatever.” She steps to the side. “Not my fault if Dad grounds you for life.”

“Who cares.” Connor closes the front door on her. Evan looks up from his phone as the door slams shut. Connor holds up the keys. “Get in.”

“When was the last time you drove?” Evan asks, climbing into the passenger seat.

“God it’s been months.” Connor opens the door. He’s going to have to adjust the seat and mirrors and that’s going to piss Zoe off big time. “It’s probably like riding a bike or something.”

Evan nods slowly. “Okay… I think that’s reassuring?”

Connor rolls his eyes as he moves back the seat. “I’m not going to crash.”

“I didn’t think you would,” Evan says honestly as Connor buckles in and starts the car. “The biggest thing I’m worried about is you hitting a curb or forgetting the turn signal.”

“Fuck turn signals.” Connor flicks the turn signal down before he turns right out of the driveway. “Shit.”

Evan laughs.

Unlike Zoe, Connor doesn’t always listen to music when he drives. He’s perfectly fine driving in silence, even though it makes her want to scream. She hated it when he drove in silence, making it a point to always have headphones on her in case he had a day where he wanted to drive without music on.

It gives Connor time to think. Sometimes that’s harder with music on.

As they sit in almost weirdly comfortable silence, Connor glances at Evan out of the corner of his eyes. Evan is playing with the hem of his shirt and staring ahead at nothing.

Connor sighs. “I’m sorry. For today. And yesterday.”

Evan glances over to him. “…thank you. It’s…okay. I just want to know if you’re okay.”

For some reason it’s hard to swallow. Connor clears his throat. “So did you bribe Zoe into giving you a ride?”

“I-I stayed after for a little bit to talk to Alana,” Evan murmurs. “And then we passed the band room and I saw Zoe, s-so I thought…” He shrugs. “She might’ve thought it was weird but she was fine with it.”

“She wasn’t too much of an ass, right?”

“What do you mean?”

Connor adjusts his grip on the steering wheel. “You know… She didn’t ask too many questions or anything?”

Evan shifts uncomfortably. “I-I mean… She was— it was fine.”

Connor decides he’ll interrogate Zoe later. “Cool. How’s Alana?”

“Very busy,” Evan says seriously. “More student council stuff.”

“She trying to recruit you?”

“Uh…not exactly.” Connor raises his eyebrows as Evan worries his bottom lip. “She had an idea for a club she wants to start next semester and uh…wants my help with it.”

“You?” Evan winces. “Shit, no, I didn’t mean it that way,” Connor backtracks. “I just…you don’t do many extracurriculars or anything so it’s a surprise. Does she want you on the board or something?”

“Yes.” Evan coughs. “She… Yeah it’s, um, I-I don’t know if I’ll do it yet but I… Helping her start it up? I can do that. That doesn’t require much so I’m…okay with that.”

Connor nods. “Cool. I hope it’s…fun.” He ignores the twisting in his gut.

“Did Alana talk to you?” Evan asks suddenly.

Connor glances to him before looking back to the road. “No? Why?”

“Oh she just…” Evan gestures with one of his hands. “At the beginning of the school year we were talking about something and she wanted to talk to you about something and she said she was going to— I mean she had a question for you and I told her that maybe it wasn’t the best idea and, well I mean, she said she was going to ask you anyway so I just wasn’t sure if she ever did or…”

“She didn’t,” Connor says slowly. “What was the question?” He remembers Alana asking him all sorts of questions when he came back to school after his attempt. He also remembers ignoring them. He’s pretty sure there were a few times when he just walked away.

Evan goes quiet. Connor stops at a stop sign and looks both ways, pausing for longer than he usually would because drivers on this road don’t give a fuck.

“She wanted you to tell the student body your story,” Evan blurts out.

Connor is really glad they’re at a stop sign. “What?!”

Evan pulls on the collar of his shirt. “She— Um, she asked if you would be, or if I might be interested in um— Because of the stigma around mental health and suicide that maybe it would— I told her no.”

Connor closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Thank you,” he says after a moment. He opens his eyes and looks to Evan. “Seriously. I don’t… No one else needs to know that shit. My story— no one wants to hear that shit.”

“I think that was her point,” Evan says softly.

Connor meets his eyes for a second and then looks back to the road, pressing the gas. “Not my story,” he repeats. “I don’t want or need that kind of attention.”

“I know.” Evan sighs. “I was really worried that she— Alana can be, um…persistent.”

“Tell me about it,” Connor mutters. He turns into Evan’s driveway. “Here you go, Hansen.”

Evan gives him a weak smile and unbuckles his seatbelt. “Thanks. I’ll text you.”

“I’ll text you back,” Connor promises.

Evan lights up and Connor shoves his heart back into the darkness of his chest.

From: dickbag To: assface we have to talk

From: assface To: dickbag fuc k u

Connor rolls his eyes. He can’t even believe he’s trying but he is and Jared is being Jared.

From: dickbag To: assface right back at you but seriously. today

He leans against Evan’s locker, flipping his phone over in his hands as he waits for a response. He might not give a shit about Jared, but for some reason Evan does, so he’s going to try to fix this. Because that’s what a good person would do.

Connor’s lived too much of his life in the gray zone. Gray thoughts, gray clothing, gray morality— he can do one nice thing if it’ll make Evan happier.

From: assface To: dickbag y should i

From: dickbag To: assface evan

From: assface To: dickbag fuck off where??

Connor rolls his eyes.

“Hi,” Evan says, arms full of textbooks. “Band?”

Connor nods. “Yeah. Something about an audition or something? I don’t know, she wanted time in the practice rooms and I don’t have a say in anything.”

Evan gives him a crooked smile. “I don’t think being here a little early is too bad.”

Connor looks back down at his phone with a shrug.

From: dickbag To: assface computer lab evan will be there for a little bit we can talk after he leaves

From: assface To: dickbage fine but still fuk u

Connor really should’ve just blocked Jared’s number as soon as he got it.

—«·»—

“Jared!” Evan says in surprise when him and Connor walk into the computer lab. “W-what are you doing here?”

Jared looks up from the computer. “StuCo stuff for Lana. I guess this morning the council decided to change some of the info on the posters so,” he gestures to the screen, “here the fuck I am.”

“Doesn’t Alana have people for that?” Connor asks as Evan pulls out his laptop.

“Her people don’t do shit. Does this picture look bad?”

Connor squints at the screen. “It looks like bad clipart.”

“Perfect.” Jared saves the document.

“Sent,” Evan says. He shuts his laptop. “I’ll be right back.”

Connor nods to him.

Jared coughs awkwardly as Evan leaves for the printers.

When Evan comes back with his letter in his hands, he glances between Jared and Connor. “Everything…okay?”

“Super chill,” Jared confirms, clicking randomly on the poster.

“Jared is shit at choosing fonts,” Connor says.

Jared flips Connor off and Evan smiles. Win.

“I have to go,” Evan says, putting away his laptop and pulling on his backpack. “My, um, my mom is actually bringing me today so?” He gestures over his shoulder. “Yeah. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Whatever,” Jared says.

Connor glares at him before saying, “Yeah sure. I’ll text you.”

Evan bounces on his toes before he leaves the room.

Connor turns to Jared with a raised eyebrow. “Fucking smooth.”

Jared keeps his eyes on the screen. “Uh huh.”

“You’re a giant asshole, you know that, right?”

Jared pushes his glasses up his nose. “So are you.” He closes his illegal photoshop and spins to face Connor. “Here we are. Two assholes in a computer lab.”

They stare at each other for a long minute.

“You told me to be here,” Jared points out.

“Fuck, you’re right,” Connor mutters. “Okay. I’m..sorry.” Jared whistles. “Shut the fuck up. I’m not sorry I called you a dick because you are a dick. And you’re a bad friend. Like a really shitty one. But I’ll apologize for yelling.”

“That was a horrible apology,” Jared muses. “But fine. I’m sorry I said you were harassing Evan. But I still think what you’re doing is fucking…bad? I don’t know it feels bad. It’s a bad plan.”

“You told us that and still helped.”

Jared spins in the chair before standing up. “Okay, yeah. I did. But honestly I didn’t think either of you would get invested and—”

“What do you mean?” Connor interrupts.

Jared searches his face. “You know…?”

“No?”

He sighs. “I thought this shit would last like a week, okay? And now we’re getting into more long term usage instead of the eight days I had assumed.” He pauses. “You’re using him.”

“Yeah and you pretend to use him.” Connor crosses his arms. “Are we really so fucking different?”

Jared runs his hand through his hair. “Just two guys, being dicks to Evan Hansen. We should probably be better about that, huh?”

“Probably.” Connor holds out his hand to Jared. “Truce?”

Jared raises an eyebrow. “Not friends?” he asks as he shakes Connor’s hand. “Okay. Truce.”

#connor murphy #evan hansen #tree bros #convan #deh fanfic #to have a friend #my fics #ayy

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dragonasheswrites-blog · 6 years

Text

The Heaven We Didn’t Choose, Chapter 7: In Which Skeletons are Explained

...From a scientific and magical point of view, of course.

First: Chapter 1: In Which a Child Makes a Friend

Previous: Chapter 6: In Which Everybody Threatens Sans

Next: Chapter 8: In Which The Internet is Invoked

Click here for the story overview.

By the time Sans tracked down Attie (who had somehow crawled into the dryer and was rocking herself back and forth) it was after 1:00.

This was a problem, he realized as he consulted the schedule Undyne had pinned to a cupboard with a paring knife. Lunch was supposed to end at 1:00, and he had no idea what to even start cooking.

“Can I have a hot dog?” Attie asked. “You make hot dogs, right?”

“Uh...sure, but…”

“Okay! Where are they?”

“I don’t think I…” He checked the fridge, just in case. The shelves, to his surprise, had actual groceries on them. Huh. Someone must’ve stocked up. Half of this stuff he didn’t even recognize. Weird.

To his everlasting shock, one drawer held a six-pack of ‘dogs. On the package was a pink sticky note covered with Boss’s handwriting:

YOU CAN HAVE HOT DOGS FOR NO MORE THAN ONE MEAL PER DAY, SANS. BUNS ARE IN THE CUPBOARD. ~THE G&T PAPYRUS

Ooooookay.

Sure enough, a quick survey of the cupboards (also stocked with more food than Sans was used to seeing) turned up a package of buns - the good kind, not the cheap tasteless things he threw on the ‘dogs at his stand.

Cooking them properly was...more work than he really wanted. He didn’t have a rolling warmer in the apartment, and he didn’t want to wait for the ‘dogs to slow cook anyways. He slipped both ‘dogs into their buns and stuck them in the microwave for half a minute.

Amazingly, the ‘dogs didn’t explode (unlike most things he microwaved). He sent out a tentative thread of magic to feel for temperature, not trusting his bones to give him an accurate read. It felt...less than boiling hot, but beyond that he wasn’t sure.

“Uh, here, kid. Bone appetite, heh. Careful; not sure if it’s hot.”

“Okay!” Attie grabbed the ‘dog with both hands, took a big bite, and winced. “Iff a liffle hoff,” she said, mouth full. She swallowed anyways, so he wasn’t too worried.

“Hey, kid; if that’s too hot for ya, wanna see somethin’ cool?”

“Sure,” she said, before taking another huge bite.

Sans opened his mouth, tilted his head back, and shoved the entire hot dog, bun and all, into his mouth. He felt his magic protesting - he wasn’t really made to do this - but he ignored the discomfort and resisted the urge to cough.

Attie was staring at him with huge eyes, a half-chewed bite of hot dog visible in her mouth. He waited a moment for his magic to dissolve the ‘dog enough to talk, then laughed at her. “What, you can’t do that?”

“No,” she said around her masticated food. She closed her mouth, realizing her error, then chewed and swallowed with a thoughtful look on her face.

Sans knew that look.

The girl held the remaining half of her ‘dog out to him. “Teach me,” she demanded.

“Yeah, no, kid.”

“Why not?”

“Humans aren’t built like us. You’ll choke yourself, then Undyne’ll kill me, then Boss’ll kill me, then your mom and her mom’ll kill me. I’ll be super dead.”

“You’re silly, Mr. Sans.”

“Yep. That’s me, regular comedian.”

“Teach me!”

"No, kid!”

“Please?”

“No!”

“Pretty please with a cherry on top?” She blinked rapidly, her lower lip extended.

“What, is that supposed to make me more willing to teach you how to suffocate on ‘dogs? Hell no, kid! And stop making that face; the lip shit is super creepy!”

“Awww,” Attie muttered, dejected, to her ‘dog.

“Tell ya what. You finish your ‘dog, and when it’s science time I’ll tell you all about how a skeleton can eat a whole ‘dog at once. Okay?”

“Okaaaaay.” She finished her meal in the largest bites possible, sending herself into more than one coughing fit.

Science wasn’t next on the list, though. Next was something called Grammar, which Attie tried her best to wiggle out of. She wouldn’t capitulate until Sans reminded her that she couldn’t see her mom until her schoolwork was done.

Schoolwork went by very quickly after that.

He wasn’t sure how much of it was actually correct - according to the note Undyne had left, the worksheets would be delivered to Tori for grading - but he was impressed by her speed.

True to his word, he spent the entire 45-minute “Science” time slot sitting at the dining room table explaining what he knew about a skeleton’s magical digestive system. He even let Attie drop things into his mouth - jelly beans, mostly, after they found some in the cupboard and he accidentally revealed that he’d never eaten them before - so she could see that they vanished instead of dropping out the bottom of his skull.

“You don’t look like a real skeleton,” Attie said, peering intently at the juncture where his skull met his spine. “You’re shaped really different.”

“I promise you, I am 100% a real skeleton. I just don’t look like a human skeleton.” And if he had a buck for every time he’d had to explain that to a human he’d have a whole herd.

“That’s what I meant, sorry.” She narrowed her eyes, then leaned over and slapped both hands to Sans’s cheeks.

He flinched, hard, but the impact - despite its force - did no actual damage. He stifled the urge to slap her hands away. “What’chu up to, huh?”

“Your face feels funny.” She tapped her fingertips against his cheekbones. “You feel kinda soft.”

He growled. He wasn’t used to being touched, and having someone - even someone so small - put her hands on his face was really uncomfortable. “You can stop that now, kid. Don’t make me remove you.”

She paused, then looked him in the eye sockets. She must have been able to read some part of his expression because she snatched her hands away and sat back into her chair. “Sorry, Mr. Sans.”

“‘Tsokay. Just...don’t do that again, yeah? You wouldn’t want me to put my hands all over your face, would’ja? No? Then don’t do it to other people.”

“But you’re so cool!"

He coughed. “That’s no excuse, kid. You gotta ask before you do that to someone.”

“Why?”

“It’s...polite?”

She tilted her head to the side. “But you don’t care about being polite. You’re a asshole.”

“Just...it’s...yer mom’d kill me if I taught you bad habits, okay? And it makes people uncomfortable, and I know you’re too young to really understand yourself in relation to others but you don’t do things like that, okay? You’ll learn as you get older.”

“Okay.”

“And it’s kinda rude to call people assholes. Just...while we’re on the topic.”

She giggled. “Okay. But you still are one.”

“You got that right.”

Silence.

He rubbed the back of his vertebrae. “Ooookay, then. Uh, what’s left on the list?”

Attie ran into the kitchen and consulted the note. “Art!” she called back.

“Huh? Art? What kind of pansy school bullshit is that?”

The girl stomped back into the dining room. “My favorite."

“...Oh.” He pondered this. “So...what do you do for ‘art?’ I don’t know a damn thing, but isn’t art pictures and stuff?” Hadn’t Boss called his spaghetti ‘art’ at some point? Did that count?

“I mean...I guess I can color,” she said. “I have my coloring pencils in my bag!”

“Okay, but...aaaand she’s gone.” Sans pondered chasing after the kid, but decided it would be too much effort. He was tired. Between keeping up with Attie and texting Frisk periodically throughout the day, he really just wanted a nap.

She returned a few minutes later with a box of pencils and a pad of paper. She didn’t say anything or ask questions - a miracle, given how the rest of her schoolwork had gone - but instead hummed to herself as she emptied the box of pencils across the table and began to draw.

The scratching of the paper and the off-key humming was...strangely calming, actually…

“Mr. Sans!”

“Hrk-wha?” He sat up quickly and looked around. When had he put his head on the table?

Attie was leaning towards him. Her pencils were packed up and sitting neatly atop a small pile of loose papers. “You were asleep,” she said.

“Oh. Uh, sorry, kid.”

“‘Tsokay. Mommy takes naps sometimes too. I don’t usually take naps anymore ‘cause I’m a big girl now, but Mommy says that sometimes grown-ups work too hard and have to take naps.”

“Yeah, sometimes.” He was feeling pretty groggy.

“Also, your phone was ringing.”

“Shit!” He dug around in his pocket until he found the offending hunk of metal.

“Bad word!” Attie howled.

Frisky Dreamer 3:25 PM Sans, you’re late for your check-in. Just because I’m drugged into unconsciousness does not excuse you not sending an update and stuff. I am so high right now Ignore that last one

Frisky Dreamer 4:03 PM Sans, I haven’t heard from you in two horse. Hours.

Frisky Dreamer 4:22 PM SNAS, ANSER UR DAM PHONE!

“Uh, kid? Don’t you have a phone too?”

“No...oh! Wait!” She pushed herself back from the table and tottered off down the hallway. Sans sighed and tapped out a message.

You 4:26 PM Were doing art Kid really drew me into it

The response was immediate.

Frisky Dreamer 4:26 PM You fell asleep again, didn’t you.

You 4:27 PM Hey do u wanna have us come visit u or not

Frisky Dreamer 4:27 PM Whatever.

He grinned. Apparently, that worked on both mother and daughter. Speaking of which… “Kid? You find that phone? We need to head out if we’re gonna go see your mom.”

“I found it!” She returned with the phone in all its pink and blue glory. “I have a message from Mommy, see?”

There was, indeed, a message from Frisk asking (in a much nicer tone) how her day was going.

“Hey, what’s that less-than-three thing mean?”

“Oh. It’s a soul! See?” She held the phone on its side.

“That’s...weird. And isn’t that upside down?” Sans flipped the phone on its other side.

“But I’m a human! Our souls go the other way.”

“Oh. Right. Anyways, are you ready to go see yer mom? I’d better let her see for herself that you’re in one piece. I don’t think she believes that I haven’t eaten you yet.”

Attie giggled, but awkwardly bundled into her coat and shoes anyways. She seemed to be struggling with her shoelaces. It was funny to watch.

“You, uh, got that, kid?”

“Maybe. These aren’t my favorite shoes. My favorite shoes are pink and they have flowers on them and they light up when I walk, which is why they’re my favorite. Those ones have velcro on them so I don’t have to tie them, but these ones just have shoelaces.”

Sans nodded noncommittally. He briefly considered helping her but…

...Nah.

She eventually knotted them into submission and tucked the ends of the laces inside the top of her shoes. Shrugging, she grabbed the stack of papers and tucked them under her arm. “Okay! I’m ready!”

“Uh...what’s with that stuff, kid? I thought that was your art.”

“It is! I drew pictures for Mommy. I’m gonna show her and see if she can hang them up in her hospital room. She usually hangs them up on the ‘frigerator, but there isn’t a ‘frigerator in her room I don’t think.”

“Fair enough. Okay, you ready?”

“Yep!”

He put both hands on her shoulders. “One, two,” and... teleport.

Attie grabbed onto his arms for support when they reappeared in a protected nook across the street from Ebott Medical Pavilion. “Oh! That time it wasn’t so bad!”

“Yeah. You should get used to it soon enough.”

“That’s pretty cool! Can you teach me how to do that...that…”

“‘Ts called ‘teleporting,’ kid. Disappearing and reappearing in a different place, kinda like the world’s best shortcut. It’s a bit more complicated than that, but...it can get pretty sciencey. And no, I’m pretty sure I can’t teach you how to do that, either.”

She pouted all the way up to her mom’s room.

He opened the door first, not wanting to interrupt anything, but Frisk was awake. And waiting, of course. “Sans,” she said in a tone that brooked no argument, “Why don’t you come on in.”

He came right the heck on in, one hand guiding Attie in front of him. “Say ‘hi’ to yer mom, kid.”

The girl paused for a moment, staring at her mother. Frisk did look pretty bad still. Sans hoped Attie wasn’t going to scream or cry or cause a fit; he knew he’d be blamed if she did.

“Hi,” she said in a very quiet voice.

Frisk smiled. It was the same smile she’d worn earlier when he sent her the picture of Attie and Undyne, and he fought the urge to look away. “Hey, baby girl. Won’t you come up and give me a hug?”

“I-I don’t wanna hurt you when you’re sick.”

“I’ll be okay. Just make it a gentle hug. No jumping.”

The little girl tiptoed up to the bed, leaned up, and gently put her arms around her mother. They both sighed at the same time.

“Now what did you bring me? Oh-Sans, chair.” She gestured towards the aforementioned furniture, which had been moved against a wall.

Sans sat.

“I brought you pictures!” Attie said. She laid out each page individually on the bed, covering the blanket almost entirely. “This is the room where I slept last night. See? It’s full of skeleton stuff! It belongs to a guy called Mr. Boss, but Undie said that wasn’t his real name.”

“It isn’t,” Frisk said. “His real name is Papyrus. But go ahead.”

“Oh, right. This is Mr. Pa-py-rus’s room. He let me sleep on his bed, ‘cause he said Mr. Sans’s room was pretty messy. It is, y’know.”

“Oh? When were you in Sans’s room?”

“I hid in there before lunch. Mr. Boss - I mean, Mr. Pa-py-rus - came in and was beating up Mr. Sans because of paperwork. Then Mr. Pa-pyrus tried to fight me until Mr. Sans finished the paperwork.” She held up another picture. From his vantage point, Sans could barely see three blobby figures: two black and red, one blue and pink and black. “See? Mr. Pa-pyrus is trying to fight me ‘cause I told him not to beat up Mr. Sans. Mr. Sans finished the paperwork before he stopped talking. He talked a whole lot, more than Granny Ree does sometimes.”

“Papyrus...tried to fight you.”

“Yeah. I was kinda mad that Mr. Sans did paperwork instead of saving me, but it’s all better now.”

“What?”

“He said ‘I’m sorry, kid’ and I said ‘I forgive you.’ And he said that he would’ve stopped Mr. Papyrus if he’d really started fighting, so it’s okay.”

Frisk pulled her daughter in for another hug. Over the child’s head, she gave Sans a long, intense look. He squirmed in his chair a little.

“Fine. I guess...it’s okay, if you aren’t hurt. I’ll have to have a long talk with Undyne about this, though; I don’t want you in a house where someone’s going to attack you at random.”

“It wasn’t an ‘at random!’ He tried to fight me because I told him not to beat up Mr. Sans. Remember? I told you.”

“That’s right. Hey, Attie, could you do something for me?”

“Yyyep!”

“Can you get me a drink of water? There’s a water fountain at the end of the hallway, out and to your left. Here’s my cup. Go out, fill the cup with water, and come right back so you can show me the rest of the pictures. Don’t spill.”

“Okay, Mommy!” She wiggled off the bed, careful not to wrinkle any of her drawings, and left the two adults alone.

Sans glanced at the side table. “You already have a cup of water,” he muttered.

“That’s not the point. You know that.”

He did. “Look. You know that the best way to get Boss to stand down is to give him what he wants. He wanted paperwork; I finished the damn paperwork. It’s not my fault Undyne changed her schedule without telling me.”

“If you hadn’t fallen asleep in here earlier, you wouldn’t have had to rush.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t exactly running on a whole lotta sleep. You know, after carting you and Attie all over town last night.”

Frisk’s hand clenched the blanket over her knee, then relaxed. “I...that isn’t what I wanted to talk with you about. Sans...does that happen on a regular basis?”

“The naps? Well sure. I’m-”

“Not the naps. Don’t play dumb. You know what I’m asking about.”

The look on her face said that she was not in the mood to be messed with; she wanted answers, and she knew he could give them. Strange, that this human was the only one to realize that his stupidity was an act. “...Yeah, I know. And…”

What could he say?

“Sans?”

“Yeah. Just...I don’t know how to answer that. Boss...he gets aggressive when he’s angry, you know? And I’m one of the things that makes him angry the most. It’s my fault, really. You get it, right?” He winked.

Frisk’s expression didn’t change.

“A-anyways, I’ll watch the kid closer. She can...I dunno, hide out in my room when he’s around. I’ll clean up and everything. That way she won’t have to see it.”

“That doesn’t answer my question. I didn’t ask why it happened, or whose fault it was, or how you plan to cover it up. I asked how often it happens."

“...Not as much as you’re thinking, but more than you’d like.”

“How typically vague. Are we talking once a day? A week? A month?”

“Couple times a week? I dunno. I’ve never charted it out.”

“Alright. Alright." Frisk took a deep breath. “That stops now. Whatever you and your brother do when there aren’t kids in the house, that’s your...ah...business-”

“Hey!”

“-but I won’t have the pair of you scarring my daughter. Both of you will be on your best behavior, alright?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Mommy!” Attie shuffled in with a glass full of water, her tongue peeking out from between her lips and a look of concentration on her face. “I...almost...have...the...water...OOPS!”

She tripped over her own feet and the water spilled.

“Attie!” Frisk was halfway out of bed before she was stopped short by the plastic tubes the doctors had stabbed into her arms.

It didn’t matter much; Attie was floating gently in mid-air, faintly glowing. “Blue!” she cooed.

“Sans,” her mother said, “Put her down. Gently.”

He did.

No one spoke for a long moment.

“I’ll excuse it just this once, because it looked like you were keeping Attie from getting hurt. But if you ever - ever - use blue magic on my daughter again, I will hunt you down. Is that clear?”

“Yeah, Boss.”

Frisk slammed her hand onto the bedside table, causing both Attie and Sans to jump. “I am NOT your BOSS, Sans!”

“Yeah, uh, sure.”

A nurse popped her head into the doorway. “Everything alright in here, sweetie?”

“Yes,” Frisk said. “We’re fine. Sorry to disturb you.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble. Anytime a loved one is sick tempers run high, y’know? Y’all just take a deep breath; no worries. Oh, and visiting time is almost up, unless your honey there wants to stay the night.” The nurse wiggled her eyebrows.

It took Sans a beat to realize that the nurse meant him, not Attie, and he wanted to crawl into his own hood in embarrassment. “Nah, gotta get this kid into bed. Early mornin’ and all that.”

“Alright, then, sweet thang. Y’all take it easy and let me know if you need anything.” She closed the door gently behind her.

Sans carefully avoided looking at the humans.

“Alright, Attie; time for you to go now. Come give Mommy a kiss and head home with Sans, alright?”

There was a shuffle as Attie did as requested. “Can I come see you tomorrow? I didn’t get to show you the rest of the pictures.”

“Maybe. Mommy’s pretty tired. If everything goes well, then yeah.”

“Okay. G’night! Don’t let the bedbugs bite!”

“You too, Attie.”

“I won’t. I bet the bedbugs are scared of Mr. Papyrus.”

“I’m sure they are.”

A small hand in his interrupted Sans’s studied ignorance of the proceedings. He glanced down to find Attie grinning up at him. “Ready to go, kid?”

“Yup!”

“‘Kay, then.” He gently started to tug her out of the room.

She resisted. “Wait! You didn’t say goodbye to Mommy!”

“Uh...bye, kiddo.”

“Her name isn’t kiddo, Mr. Sans.”

“Bye...Frisk?”

The woman on the bed breathed deeply, but didn’t look at him. “Text me when you get home. You owe me a few check-ins.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

They left.

#Dragonashes writes #Undertale #Underfell #The Heaven We Didn't Choose #Sans #Attie #Frisk #Homeschooling #Frisk is on pain meds #Vague discussions of abuse #Fixing problems fills Frisk with DETERMINATION #Even when they're Sans's problems #Those bed bugs are terrified of Papyrus by the way #The skeleton brothers have 0 problems with bedbugs #The lack of anything that would attract bedbugs has nothing to do with it

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dreamerology · 6 years

Text

anon its Late but.....heres pt 2 aka my kihyun love post

i meant to do this for his bday but never managed to get around to it :( anyways here i am now….back on my kihyun bullshit. i never left but…...I’m Back and more in L*ve than ever. again i dont even know where to start dfjshjfhs icb i didnt used to like him???????? past me was fuckgin dumb! not that i hated him he was just like……..one of my least fave members and now???? dont tell minhyuk but…..Yeah i have so much love in my heart for kihyun :( idek how it started one day i just woke up loving yoo kihyun…...like it wasnt even gradual just one day Bam heart eyes motherfucker nd the rest was history

ANYWAYS UH i love love love love love love looooooooove how genuine he is in everythign he does???? like the two most recent example are his letter in the fancafe nd his little photography signature….did he have to actually handwrite the letter to post it????? NO. but did he??? YOU BET. idk just!!!! its rly sweet bc u could clearly see how much it meant to him that he would go out of his way to write us an actual letter rather than just typing it up nd making a post. and how he said he hand draws his initials on his photography so sorry if theyre a little different every time bicshjd???????/ thats so fuckign cute!!!!!!!!!! he rly loves mbbs so so much and its really clear bc he does little things that add his personal touch to it and idk it just makes me so warm like….hes rly thinking of us sjkhfsjhf we love a caring man :(( o also sorta unrelated but the amount of exclamation points he uses when posting is so cute, bich me too!!!!! like u can always tell its him if theres “!!!” at the end of the message it’s :(( such a cute habit idk it makes me rly happie to see dsjfhkajh

speaking of his initials on his photography!!!! i love his photography!!!!!!!!!!!! gosh it makes me so happy to see him out there just having a good time enjoying his hobby??? like their lives are so busy im so glad hes found something that he enjoys and that he can spend time on while still keeping up w his busy schedule. also hes just rly fuckign good at it!!!!!!! im gonna make a whole museum dedicated to pictures ur all welcome to come visit once its done, people are gonna come from across the world to see it nd all the proceeds will b donated to The Monstas. ANYWAYS hes rly good!!!!!!!! like i only kno The Basics abt photography but he’s rly out there u kno! im in awe! and he just loves talking abt it and sharing it and i can see how much he likes it and how passionate he is!!! i could listen to him talk abt it forever he just sorta...Lights Up its so sweet

also ok one of the first things i started noticing that i found rly cute was like how whenever he gets rly embarrassed he’ll make that scrunched up face or he’ll just like…….Jump fkjsdhfjd its so cute????? like his face during this dsfhkdjhf or jumping at the end of this when he tries to act sexy dsfhjkdsh i love a whole dork hes so funny. he knows hes gonna get embarrassed but he does it anyways!!! i wish i was the care free dsjfhskjdh

AND HIS SMILE FUCK! its the most precious thing ive ever seen wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! his smile is so bright and warm it makes me sososososoooooo happy!!!!! not 2 b sappy but i rly get the biggest butterflies whenevr i see his smile thats the number one source of my happiness right there folks! a the lil dimples he gets on his cheeks when he smiles rly big :( they’re so cute i’ve never rly noticed anyone else that had them before. i just! his smile is so precious idk what else to say!!! when he smiles rly big nd u can see his teeth….cute :( AND HIS LAUGH FUCK! its so cute when he laughs so hard he just drops out of the frame dksjfksjdh hes got one of the best whole body laughs he just collapses in on himself its so adorbale jhkdjssjfk the sound of his laugh? music to my ears!!! i hope hes always that happie :(((

o another point is his freckles :(( i hate how half the time theyre covered up by makeup but whenever i see them im like HELLO! I LOVE U!!!!!!! NICE TO SEE U!! the one on the corner of his mouth is my best friend but also the hes got one on his finger too dskfhkjhf also in this pic u can see them all rly closely, i look at this at least once daily & just cry. and the one near his temple too :(( cute!!! if u take anyway anythign from this post kno im the #1 kihyun freckle enthusiast

not 2 forget how hardworking and caring he is!!!!!!! and how his voice is one of the most calming things to listen to! i know i say that abt everyone but i looooove listening to him talk so much, his voice is so soft. thats not even including his vocals…...theres a reason hes the main vocal singer!!!! sometimes i remember that you and i exists nd he rapped in it and i instantly go bald….what a talented man is there anything he cant do?? and how his eyes are probably the prettiest ive ever seen i swear theyre made from pure honey…….and his hands!!!!! everyone always teases me for having tiny ass baby hands but jokes on them bc they were made 2 hold kihyuns hands :( everything he does is so endearing hes so cute!!!! oh and his confidence!!!! idk how much of it is for show but if i had even 2% of his confidence levels i feel like i’d be a better person dskjfhkjhf

unrelated to the love post but hes been looking So Good lately and he knows it and its dangerous for my health. every morning i wake up and yoo kihyun tells me to go choke and i say gladly! when is he gonna come to canada and finally end my life on thsi plane of existence please im Tired

#i cried three (3) times while writing this byefhdshfsjhdh #💘

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day6imagines · 7 years

Text

Spring Reunions

[ youngk ]

requested!

word count; 1.8k genre; angst/fluff

summary - YoungK comes back home to be reunited with his lifelong best friend. However, he soon realises that things have changed. Due to being away and loosing contacting over the years he has been gone, it is not as easy to know your friend anymore.

The buzzing of my phone indicated that it was time for me to get up, whether I wanted to or not. I pulled the heavy duvet over my head to keep in the warmth and to avoid getting up. Eventually, I rolled out of my bed, pulling my blankets with me, landing with a hard thud. I untangled myself from the mess of blankets and pulled myself up from the ground. Realisation soon hit me when I realised what day it was today. Today was May the tenth. The tenth of May is just a normal day to anybody else, nothing spectacular or relatively interesting. Today, he was coming home. YoungK was coming home.

I rushed over to my bedroom window and peeped outside. The Kang’s driveway was empty meaning that they must have already left to go to the airport and collect him. I was feeling all sorts of emotions; anger, excitement and upset. I even felt slightly sick.

YoungK and I had been friends for as long as I can remember. When he told me everything about how well his auditions went and that he would be moving to Korea three years ago, happiness was an understatement of how I felt for my best friend. I was proud and delighted that he was getting the opportunity which he deserved to live and pursue his dreams, especially under one of the biggest entertainment companies in the Korean music industry. Initially, maintaining our friendship was simple, easy even. We video chatted almost every morning and night. However, our contact soon deteriorated. A few weeks later our only contact was a phone call a week, which turned into a few texts a week before it all came to an unfortunate end. Neither of us have spoken in months and honestly I didn’t know how to feel about this. Before he moved away we had been so close and for such a long time too. We had been through everything together; first days of school, first concerts, first break ups and so on.

The only idea I had of YoungK’s life now was what I secretly saw through his relatively frequent Instagram posts. He seemed so happy; happier than I had ever seen him before. His new life seemed to be going very well for him and of course I was happy for him. However I couldn’t help the little bit of anger and jealousy that built up at the pit of my stomach. Why couldn’t I still be apart of his life? I was distraught and heartbroken over the thought of having lost my best friend, but sadly that can happen. I just never thought it would happen to me, to us.

After making my bed, showering and getting dressed, I made my way down the narrow wooden staircase and followed the scent of coffee that always seemed to linger in our home, to the kitchen. Mum had left a note written in small neat handwriting on the small blackboard by the fridge. It read: ‘I’m over at the Kang’s!! Come over when you’re up! Xx’ I sighed. My mother and YoungK’s mother instantly became friends after my parents moved into this quaint neighbourhood. I guess the fact that our parents are best friends meant it was inevitable that we became so close. We were also the only kids the same age on our street. My mother had a slight idea that YoungK and I had drifted apart but what she didn’t know was that we had not been in contact for months. Luckily, I could use my hours of college work as a good excuse and distraction.

I sat at the kitchen table, hands wrapped securely around a warm cup of coffee while I internally debated on whether I should or should not visit him. Of course it would be rude to not see him and I am not the type of person to do that. What if he didn’t want to see or speak to me? After two more cups of coffee and nervous nail biting and pacing, I made up my mind. I had to see him. Just before I was about to leave there was a soft knock on the back door. I turned around to be greeted by him. It looks like he had the same idea as me.

After a rather awkward, unbearable silence, YoungK smiled and walked over to me before pulling me in for a warm hug. I stood still, not comprehending what was happening with my arms hanging limply by my sides. YoungK immediately acknowledged that I had froze, making him pull away from the uncomfortable embrace.

“Is everything okay Y/N?” YoungK softly spoke, eyes looking up to meet mine.

Before I could prevent myself from snapping at him, everything spilled.

"Of course everything is not all right. You know it isn’t. Why, you - you don’t just shut people out of your life YoungK, like they mean nothing to you! I’m so happy for you and I have been understanding of your busy schedule but if I did something wrong for you to just ignore me then please tell me!” I quickly blurted. Before I could prevent it from happening, tears built up and spilled down my probably red cheeks. I lifted the back of my hands up to my face, wiping the tears away furiously.

YoungK stood still looking perplexed. Before he even had time to respond, I grabbed my keys from the counter and hurriedly exited the house, ignoring his calls.

Toronto is a beautiful city, but I had been here for almost twenty two years so there was no place I didn’t know about or hadn’t been to. There are only a few places which I visit umpteenth times and refuse to get bored. My particular favourite was a small park located ten minutes away from my home and just on the outskirts of the city. I walked through the park up a small hill near the back to a tree where I like to go sometimes to think or simply relax. The view was scenic and serene. Spring was my all time favourite season. I adored everything about it; the fresh and bright weather, the full, colourful trees and flowers in bloom and the long, bright evenings. Spring was a new start.

A sigh escaped my lips whilst I overlooked the city waking up to a new day, a bright azure sky with very little clouds floating about overhead. Why had I given out to him so harshly? It was inequitable and uncalled for.

I’m not sure how long I had been gone for but I didn’t mind. I tried to gather plausible reasons in my mind to give YoungK about why I had been so upset with him. I couldn’t run away and hide forever, I’d have to face him sooner or later.

“Hey there stranger,” an all too familiar voice called, startling me and causing me to jump. I turned around to see YoungK walk out from behind the tree with a small smile etched onto his face.

I coughed to clear my throat. “Oh, um… hi,” I quietly replied, avoiding eye contact. I felt utterly humiliated now.

“Can I sit down?” He asked, pointing to the earth by my right hand side. I nodded my head, signalling 'yes’.

There was silence. Not awkward, just calm. I sneakily glanced up at YoungK to see him gazing at the city, a look of contentment and awe plastered onto his face.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I am really so sorry,” YoungK said, turning his head to look at me. I looked down at my lap.

“I’m sorry for shouting at you, that was uncalled for,” I added.

“You shouldn’t apologise, you were right and I’ve been a terrible friend to you. Honestly, I don’t know why I stopped contacting you and my busy schedule is a lame excuse, you’re always worth making time for Y/N,” YoungK elucidated, turning around to face me. A shy smile crept its way onto my lips.

“Can we please forget anything ever happened, all I want is for us to go back to the way things used to be,” I said. YoungK reached over to pull me in for a second hug that day but this time I hugged back, tighter and not wanting to let go. His scent was something I never realised I had missed so much; warm milk and honey with undertones of cinnamon.

I quietly chuckled once we both pulled away.

“What?” YoungK questioned, looking slightly confused.

“I don’t know, you just look really happy and it’s cute,” I smiled.

He smiled even more, “ that’s because I am happy to be back here with you, I have missed you so much Y/N.”

After what felt like hours of catching up, me talking about college work and YoungK about his life as a musician miles away, I could not help but drift off into a deep sleep. I was unsure of how long I had been asleep, but once I woke up recognition hit me. I had fallen asleep on YoungK’s lap. I quickly opened my eyes to look up and see that he was looking down and smiling at me.

“Oh em I am sorry,” I mumbled sitting up from the slightly awkward and uncomfortable position.

“I should’ve said this a long time ago,” YoungK began, sitting up straighter once I got up. I wiped my tired eyes clear and turned to face him, raising an eyebrow. He messed with his hair, a habit he has always had, indicating he was nervous about something.

“Honestly, I sort of stopped contacting once I left, in hopes that my feelings would disappear,” YoungK continued. I was confused, what was he trying to say?

“Y/N, I really like you. I have liked you for a very long time. You have grown up with me my entire life and I thought if you knew about these feelings that it would somehow ruin our friendship. I thought that if I distanced myself that maybe I could move on, but all that time I was away you were the only person I had on my mind and how much I missed your laugh, the cute way you scrunch your nose when you’re embarrassed or the way you twirl your hair when you’re thinking, and I just… I don’t know what to do, but yeah… I think you’re the most beautiful person I have ever had the privilege of spending time with…” YoungK announced, grabbing both of my hands.

All I could comprehend to do in that moment was throw my arms around his neck. I buried my head in the crook of his neck.

“I like you too,” I finally said.

“You do? You’re not just saying that because I did, are you?” He added, breaking away from our embrace.

“No I am not, I really, positively like you, a lot,” I smiled.

YoungK lifted me up and placed a small soft kiss on my forehead.

[ m a s t e r p o s t ]

[ now accepting request submissions ]

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swanfrcst · 7 years

Text

echo, echo

fandom: nirvana in fire; characters: xia dong, nie feng | for @nif-drabble-challenge week two!

prompt: yúyīn ( 餘音 / 余音) the remnants of sound that stay in the ears after the sound has stopped

summary: Xia Dong, love, and the process of healing | word count: 2.7k

ffn // ao3

This is where their story starts:

Three minutes to the midnight marking the beginning of her sixteenth birthday, Nie Feng grasps her hands tightly in his and whispers, “Xia Dong, will you marry me?”

The question is almost lost in the noises of the night as the incessant whirr of crickets fills her ears. In fact, Xia Dong stares at her hands (and the ones that hold them) and finds she has no words to say.

In front of her, Nie Feng has gone quiet, still, breath hung in suspension as he waits. But his hands don’t leave hers, and belatedly, Xia Dong hopes that her master has not yet noticed her absence.

“Xia Dong?” Nie Feng prompts again, gently, carefully, as if he is cradling a firework about to explode.

She jerks out of her reverie, inhales sharply, lets her fluttering heart settle before a glowing smile breaks across her face. “Yes,” she answers to the man she’s loved for two years and known for so much longer, “Yes, yes, yes.”

(They seal it with a kiss, and Xia Dong wonders if this is what it means to feel alive.)

||||||||||

Unfortunately, takes some wheedling for Xia Jiang to finally give his consent. It helps that Nie Feng has begun to make a name for himself as a military general, climbing up the ranks of the illustrious Chiyan army, and that Xia Dong has the time of her life sparring him. In the end, Xia Dong swears on her life that she will always put the Xuanjing Bureau before any familial obligations, and Xia Jiang relents.

They marry in the spring of Xia Dong’s seventeenth year – a small affair, open to only close friends of Xia Dong and Nie Feng. The entire ceremony passes in a joyous, blinding blur. For the first and last time in her life, Xia Dong dresses in clothing fit for a noblewoman, beautiful robles that fit snugly around her waist, dangling headdress pinned in her hair.

Nie Feng cups her face in his hands and says over and over again, “I love you.”

Even though Xia Dong has heard him say this so many times, it still makes her smile like a child. His words, his voice echoes in her ears, a confession and a promise and a pact signed in blood. It is in the language Xia Dong understands the most – political intrigue wrapped in bone deep loyalty and unfaltering resolve. In response, Xia Dong playfully hits him on the arm and says, “You’re so sappy,” but this is also how she says I love you and Nie Feng is perfectly fine with that.

||||||||||

When Xia Dong is twenty five years old, the Chiyan army is called to the forefront of the battlefield. Nie Feng returns home late that night, lips set in a grim line, shoulders stiff.

Unsurprisingly, he finds Xia Dong waiting for him, quietly filling out paperwork by candlelight, a cup of warm tea by her hands.

“My duty calls,” Nie Feng says, voice laden with sadness. “I do not know how long we will fight.”

But you see, Xia Dong knew what marrying a general would entail when she was seventeen, and she knows now that like her obligation to the Xuanjing Bureau, Nie Feng must respond to the commands of his superiors.

So Xia Dong does not cry, she does not wallow in sadness. Instead, she smiles and lays down her brush. “When will you leave?” she asks gently. Unspoken: what can I do for you until then?

“We will depart in a week and a half,” her husband answers, and then smiles wryly. “But for now, I am tired and you must be too. Let us rest.”

She leans over and blows out the candle, then accepts Nie Feng’s outstretched hand without another word.

||||||||||

When Xia Dong wakes up the morning of Nie Feng’s scheduled departure, she finds that the house is empty. For a moment, panic seizes her chest, and she throws off the covers and hurries out of her bedroom, not even bothering to change out of her night clothes.

On the dining table is a note, scripted in Nie Feng’s careful handwriting, held to the table by a small jade necklace.

Shivering in the morning chill, Xia Dong carefully picks up the letter. It is short and bittersweet, but full of love.

My dearest Xia Dong, the letter begins, and she laughs in spite of herself. Part of her wants to set the letter down, fold it up, tuck it away, but the logical part of her heart forces her hands to stop shaking.

She reads the letter – in it, Nie Feng professes his undying love to her no less than ten times, but Xia Dong hears his warning loud and clear between the lines.

Please do not mourn me if I never return.

This is where their story ends:

A lone messenger, bearing the blood red flag of the Chiyan army, thunders through the gates of the capital. He is injured, bleeding through his army and gasping for breath. It is an immediate spectacle, for rumors of the Chiyan army’s betrayal had circulated just weeks before. Almost immediately, the soldier is surrounded by imperial guards and brought before the emperor.

Xia Dong does not know what was said behind those doors, but when the meeting adjourns, Xia Jiang approaches her with a grim expression. Her heart falls to her stomach.

“What is the news?” she asks, wiping her palms on the fabric of her clothes. “What happened to the army? What happened to my husband?”

Xia Jiang hesitantly places a hand on her shoulder – a gentle, father-like gesture he has not done since she was a child. Now Xia Dong knows for certain that there will be nothing but terrible, terrible news.

“Please,” she whispers, caring little that they are right outside the emperor’s meeting hall, “You must tell me.”

Her mentor swallows, pain flickering in his eyes. “I am sorry,” he says, gruff but not unkind. “But Nie Feng has died in battle and as a traitor to our emperor. I promise you I will do everything I can to clear you of any suspicion, for I know you are nothing but loyal – “

“You are lying!” Xia Dong cries out, slapping Xia Jiang’s hand away, “That’s impossible! He – Nie Feng – He would never - !”

But Xia Jiang face is set in stone, and when the crushing, crushing reality finally sinks into her bones, Xia Dong falls to her knees. She does not realize she is crying until Xia Jiang places an arm on her shoulder and gently (again – such a foreign motion) helps her stand again.

“I am sorry,” Xia Jiang says again, and Xia Dong is crying too hard to think too hard about what exactly his words could mean.

||||||||||

A few months later, after Xia Dong has moved out of her (and Nie Feng’s) old apartment and into the Xuanjing Bureau barracks, she requests a week’s leave from work. Xia Jiang raises an eyebrow, but once he reads the listed reason, he signs off on it without another word.

“Travel safely,” is all he says, and Xia Dong rides out of the capitol with a cloak to keep warm and a small ceremonial tablet wrapped safely in a sack strapped to her horse’s flank.

At first, Xia Dong does not have a destination. She grips the reins tightly and urges her horse to keep going, keep running, on and on and on – when the poor beast finally stops, panting heavily and whining pitifully, she raises her head and realizes night is falling.

Quickly, quietly, she sets up camp. Sleep does not come easy to her, and she spends most of the night staring up into the sky, tracing the constellations she can see through the tree-top canopies with her eyes. Eventually, she rolls onto her side and closes her eyes, the pounding of her heart too loud in the silence.

The next day, Xia Dong is riding by daybreak. She still does not know where she is going, but that is fine. She hasn’t known where she is going since the news of Nie Feng’s death reached her ears.

However, this is what Xia Dong does know: her husband would not want her to drown in the past like this; she is strong enough, brave enough to pull her head out of the water; and most importantly: she will draw her own map if that is what it takes to get back on her feet.

||||||||||

In the next town Xia Dong comes across, she rests for lunch in a small but busy teashop. Nursing a cup of warm tea and digging into a simple meal of vegetables and rice, she lets out a sigh and, for the first time in days, relaxes her shoulders. The atmosphere in the shop is pleasant and warm, and in her fatigue, she lets the scattered conversation fall over her shoulders like a blanket. After all, it is quite the different world from the toxic, stifling world of the court and to a lesser extent, the Xuanjing Bureau.

The peasants sitting next to her are passionately discussing a nearby mountain – Xia Dong picks out the name Mount Gu amongst the chatter. Curious, she sits up straighter and strains her ears.

“It really is beautiful,” one of the peasants says, “And not difficult to climb at all! I can’t believe you’ve never been there.”

“I have fields to tend to,” the other one scoffs, “And no reason to climb a mountain, scenery or not.”

“That’s what everyone says,” the first peasant laments, tapping his chopsticks against his plate.

Xia Dong turns around and puts on her best smile. “Hello,” she says, “Can you tell me more about this mountain?”

||||||||||

The mountain is beautiful. Even in the late autumn chill, the sun manages to slip through the leaves and warm her skin. Colorful leaves litter the ground her horse treads through, and every so often she will see birds fluttering in the trees, birdsong filling the air.

Xia Dong clicks her tongue and her horse speeds up to a crisp trot. She has torn her eyes away from the scenery now, and wonders where in the world she might place a memorial tablet. Perhaps, in the future, once she has a little more time and a little more money, she will set a proper memorial into the earth, but for now, she must make do with what she has.

In the end, she chooses a spot by the side of the mountain path, protected by a backdrop of rocks and moss. Swinging down from her horse, Xia Dong carefully unties the bag with the memorial tablet and takes it out, running her fingers over the name carved into its surface.

Do not mourn me, Nie Feng had said, so she places the tablet against the rocks and lights a few sticks of incense instead.

“I will not mourn you,” she tells the tablet as she kneels respectfully, “But I refuse to forget you.”

When Xia Dong finally closes her eyes and prays, she feels as if the weight on her shoulders becomes just a little bit lighter.

But this is where Xia Dong picks up a brush and begins to carefully, lovingly write in the next chapter of their lives:

Meng Zhi nods at her when she passes him in the street. He is alone, dressed in casual wear, and that in itself is somewhat suspicious. It is the middle of the day, and the emperor is in the midst of turmoil, as seen from his recent outbursts.

“Your day off?” Xia Dong asks, pausing in step. Meng Zhi may be the country’s most fearless warrior, but he is absolutely terrible at keeping secrets. Even now, he flinches slightly and fidgets with the hem of his sleeve.

“Not quite,” he says, coughing lightly to hide his surprise. “But I was hoping to run into you today.”

Xia Dong narrows her eyes. She has a package of scrolls in her hands, meant to be delivered to the Xuanjing Bureau’s record keepers, but Meng Zhi has been talking to her a lot more than normal recently, and she plans to uncover why.

“What for?” she asks, “Surely you’ve more important things to do.”

Meng Zhi laughs boisterously, then steps forward to clap her roughly on the shoulder. Something light drops from his hand into the crook of her arm, caught in the folds of her elbow.

“Nothing really,” he says, looking satisfied, “Just wanted to update you on the case you’ve been working on.”

With a wry smile, Xia Dong moves to shift the package in her arms, smoothly taking the object – a folded piece of paper – and sliding it into her sleeve. “Oh, do tell,” she says, locking her eyes with his. Her smile does not reach her eyes. What are you hiding? she wants to ask.

Laughing nervously, Meng Zhi takes a step back. “Please,” he says jokingly, even though Xia Dong can hear the slight fear in his voice, “It’s probably not what you think.”

They make small talk, but once Xia Dong realizes that Meng Zhi has finished his job and has no more information or clues to offer her, she cuts the conversation short with a curt bow and a flat goodbye. Meng Zhi takes the clue and leaves.

||||||||||

The note says, meet me by the eastern bridge two hours after daybreak, one week from now. Stay hidden.

Xia Dong burns the slip of paper immediately, and she is still no closer to an answer than she was a few hours ago.

||||||||||

Slipping on a heavy black cloak, Xia Dong slips out of her room, easily maneuvering past the guards stationed outside the Bureau. It does not take long for her to reach the bridge, and she is met with the sight of Meng Zhi waving at her from atop a horse. Behind him is a small carriage.

“What in the world is going on?” she demands, alarm bells ringing in her head.

“Look,” Meng Zhi says, pleadingly, “I promise everything will make sense when we get there.”

“When we get where?”

“Mei Changsu’s house.”

She freezes, but after she turns the words over in her head, she sighs. “What in the world could that man want with me?” Xia Dong mutters. But Meng Zhi is not a man who would willingly bring a friend into harm, so she steps inside the carriage.

“If this isn’t worth my time,” she still warns before she lets the curtain drop, “you will regret it.”

She doesn’t stay outside long enough to see his grimace, but she does catch the words oh, it will be worth your time.

||||||||||

It is definitely, definitely worth her time.

||||||||||

She steps onto the stone patio and her heart leaps into her throat. At first, she does not understand what she is seeing. There is Mei Changsu sitting next to a man covered from head to toe with long, white fur. But there is something – something so achingly familiar in the shape of his jaw and the curve of his eyes and the hopeful, hopeful way he looks at her.

For a moment, Xia Dong cannot move. It’s not possible, it can’t be possible – but it is, and now the man (Nie Feng, she thinks fiercely, Nie Feng) is standing up and moving toward her like nothing else in the world exists.

There is something burning in her chest, a mixture of confusion and happiness and disbelief, and she is so, so shocked she does not realize that tears have welled up in her eyes, that her hands have begun to shake and that she has barely taken a breath since she first laid eyes on her husband.

Her husband. Alive.

And now, now Xia Dong realizes that the burning in her chest is that of love, a fire so fierce and so wild and so loyal it has never, ever died in the long, thirteen years she has carried it through heartbreak and healing.

When she kneels in front of him, blinking through her own tears, running her hands along his fur and carefully, loving takes his hands and hers, she hopes that he understands.

Nie Feng squeezes her hands and tries for a wobbly, teary smile that makes her laugh, and that is when she knows that his love too has never, ever faltered.

“You came home,” she whispers, holding onto his hands so tightly as if she were afraid to let go, “You finally came home.”

#nirvana in fire #lang ya bang #xia dong #langyabang #swankitty writes #this is so late i'm sorry #also this went HELLA over the word limit but listen i love xia dong so much and there are NO fics on ao3 dedicated to her so here!! i!!! am!

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cosmosogler · 7 years

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today i got up soooort of on time. then i got distracted by the internet!!! so i was 2 minutes late for class. the air was chilly today though so the bike ride over to campus was gucci. perfect weather.

i took furious notes in both classical and quantum. classical today was “graded” by a professor who left the comments portion of the lecture very open-ended. we weren’t really sure what to say. i ended up kind of dominating the conversation even though i didn’t really want to.

gotta keep my trap shut!

after that we went to get spaghetti. i missed it, even though we only skipped one week. suzanne asked why i talk to my parents. that got me down a pretty dark lane of conversation. i tried to focus on how i wish i had a closer relationship with my siblings... but i’m still so angry. all the time.

eventually harrison said something like “we need to pick a different awkward topic before my day gets ruined.”

and i said “OH. i’m sorry my life ruins your day.”

i was mostly joking. he apologized but we did change the topic to “awkward topics.”

then i went to group therapy. i had to fill out a survey beforehand. i thought about how i was feeling the last week or two. i only really started feeling like i had any energy at all yesterday-ish. so i kept my answers pretty low mood-wise.

i only consciously lied on one of the questions because i wasn’t sure what the required response would be. and it wasn’t a big lie. i’m not really at “high risk” of killing myself. maybe 5%. right now at least i feel ok. the past week collectively though, i wasn’t feeling too hot.

group therapy was... actually good? we tried to focus and dwell on some conversation topics even though most of us are usually lightning-fast about responding. i ended up talking quite a bit. they seemed worried. they also seemed pretty upset about the department thing, where the professors/coordinators lie about how your classmates are doing to try to push you to work harder.

one thing the group leader said though is “how can we help you?”

i told her i’d get back to her on that. i don’t really know. i said hearing about their self care routines and comparing ideas helps. i have made adjustments to my routine over the last two months. pretty drastic ones. i haven’t yet been able to re-cram in time to meditate before bed but the podcast helps me doze off at least.

i’ve been drinking more tea too and i think that keeps my stomach a little more settled. caffeine free so i can drink it with dinner.

i need to think a little more about what other people can do to help me. i don’t really have any hope of actually being helped any more. i still get let down all the time by the people who are supposed to be in charge. but like... you only get out of group therapy what you put in. if i can find a specific goal to achieve that these guys can help me get to, and how to get them to get me there, that’d be great! but i also might not have Problems if i am able to get that far? i mean, like, you gotta be pretty on top of things to know exactly what you need help with and what that help needs to look like.

after that i went to e&m. something about that classroom really throws me off, because in the last ten minutes of class my eyes started hurting AGAIN. like a cramp, almost? this doesn’t really happen anywhere else. reading for too long i just get a headache and then i grind my teeth which makes the headache worse. i tried some eye exercises and that helped for a few minutes but by then i was way behind and i was just tired.

the frustration builds up. the professor will make a step that doesn’t make any sense and not explain it. someone will ask a question and he won’t explain it still because he thought the question was dumber than it actually was. he goes too fast. just little things, but millions of them for 50 minutes straight. and then trying to focus on the board hurts. maybe his handwriting is too small and it strains my eyes? maybe i get frustrated because he stands directly in front of his writing and his lecture is incomprehensible and the anger and anxiety make my muscles tense up which hurts my eyes? i dunno.

after class i checked my email and then biked back over to the group therapy building. but this time i went to the third floor. the person i was having a meeting with was like 10 minutes late even though i got there 5 minutes before my appointment. i took the time to update pokemon go since i haven’t touched it in over 8 months. i caught a murkrow and looked at the entei raid a few blocks over.

i want entei. not gonna happen at level 20 though. my strongest pokemon is 1400 cp. this thing was like 19000.

anyway this new person is annie. the student “care area” is not a therapy office but they can help coordinate between the drc and my department. we talked about maybe dropping e&m for now since the workload is getting to be too much. (i am 4 weeks behind in grading.)

so i will talk to danielle about it tomorrow, and then see how i do on the test on friday, and then talk to both of them again next week. i’m a little stressed about the consequences of dropping the class. the financial aid requires a certain amount of credit hours. and we’re supposed to be done with classes by the end of our second year, and i won’t even have finished UNDERGRAD e&m by my first year if i drop it. and it’ll give me a glaring weak spot on my next round with the prelim right after new year’s.

well, i haven’t talked about it with the drc yet, so i probably won’t get anywhere worrying about it right now.

at the end of group therapy i said that even though i like to complain, i will try to follow up with actual solutions more.

it just seems like... most of the things i complain about don’t really HAVE solutions. or i’ve already made a decision about how to deal with them but they are still very difficult and/or stressful. my classmates said it might be a good idea to reach out to my brother more after he moves away for college because teenagers are super moody and just not very enthusiastic about talking to family members in general. so that just means being patient for another two-ish years.

after that i biked back to the office.

OH! I ALMOST GOT HIT BY A CAR THIS MORNING. it was like three inches away. they were making a left turn across the road i was riding down and they just... didn’t stop. or go and get out of the way. i had to pull a hard turn and swerve up on the sidewalk and i almost hit a pedestrian.

it’s like they weren’t even looking.

anyway i got back to the office at about 5:15 or so. i took a 45-minute break to eat some food and walk around a bit and goof off on facebook. i felt a little better after that, and then suzanne helped john and i study for our e&m test. we covered the entire chapter, just the main ideas, but it helped a lot i hope. i had my mind blown once at least. i understand dielectrics WAY better now.

we got done with that at 7:10-ish, so longer than a full class period. i was exhausted and antsy by the end of it. i packed up my things, yelled at luis a little bit about the alphabet song since we’d been having an argument about it earlier, and then biked home.

he told me the alphabet song came before the alphabet and that’s why they are in the order they are. i think the vowels should have all been put together.

the alphabet song was based off a mozart piece apparently and copyrighted in 1835. TAKE THAT, LUIS! EAT IT!!

when i got home i made some dinner and hid some cookies around for snoopy to find. she was WAY more interested in looking for them after she watched me hide them. and also had some catnip that i put on her walk-through brush. then she seemed to realize for the first time that her cat bed has two levels, and the lower level had cookies on it.

she’s a goofy one.

by the time i finished eating it was after 8:30 so i watched a few youtube videos and checked the 9 o’clock updates. then i ACTUALLY SAT DOWN AND DID SOME GRADING. i got through 2 pages of a whole lab section, which comes out to 36 pages. i did that in about the same amount of time, and then i spent a few minutes feeding snoopy and preparing my daily planner for tomorrow, and then it was 10 so i started writing. now it is 10:43.

it feels like this week has been going extra slowly. maybe it is because i feel more focused so i am losing less time to the Void of the Internet? my breaks have been more... deliberate. i set aside 90 minutes to play smash bros, and then got back to work after i felt more relaxed. stuff like that. it was a lot of fun, too.

i am a little worried about friday, between the test and the fact that i have to have 9 sections of labs graded by the end of the day, which is just not going to happen. tomorrow i don’t even get to sit down and take a BREAK let alone do work until after 4. friday is busy all the way through 4 too. and today was busy through after 5.

AND i gotta start the classical assignment somewhere in there too so i don’t have to try to slog through a 12-hour assignment over the weekend yet again.

tomorrow my labs ungraded are gonna bump up to 12. but i made progress today. i have doubled the amount of grading i’ve finished. that’s something, right? 4 is twice as much as 2, even if you need to get to 70. and then 20 more after that.

something good. i jumped right away to asking questions when i got to my meeting with annie today. i admittedly did not have time to look up their office before i got over there, but she was very kind and explained how their office was different from the drc and counseling centers and what they are useful for. we got a solid plan set and another appointment scheduled within 25 minutes.

now i just need to apply that “here is how this will be helpful” authority to emotions i guess? i’m not very good at asking for help from peers. i do it a lot but that doesn’t mean i’m good at it. well, i can do academic questions pretty well. but personal help is like... a league of its own.

i think i did a good job making use of some break time today and then getting back to work when i was ready. i didn’t have a LOT of time today but i stayed busy at least. and i paced myself really well yesterday because i wasn’t miserable and exhausted today!

well, i was miserable and exhausted. but not AS miserable and exhausted as i usually get when i work too hard for too long without breaks. because i took breaks!

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girls-scenarios · 7 years

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I Kissed a Girl and She Kissed Me

Idol: Tzuyu (Twice)

Prompt: “Hello! Can I request a Twice Tzuyu college!AU where the reader (fem) is a timid second-year Business major and Tzuyu is an outgoing first-year Communications major? The scenario would be something like the reader doesn't talk often (but is only talkative around her small group of friends) and Tzuyu is a new first-year just starting off college and seeks help from the reader and from then on they end up being in a few classes with each other while Tzuyu tries to get the reader to open up” + “Hi can I request a Twice Mina or Tzuyu scenario where you're in college and you're a business major and she's a Communications major (or whichever one that matches her personality up to you) and you both get paired up with on a project.”

Writer: Admin Kiwi

A/N: I got two requests for about the same thing so I decided to combine them to save you guys from having to read the same thing twice. I also kept the reader female, as was requested. I hope everyone enjoys!

Warnings: There’s like, one cuss word. And some kissing. And it’s long.

To Tzuyu, college was exciting. Throngs of people of all ages and backgrounds moving together and interacting like there was nothing different about them at all. The library with all 5 floors and a cute little cafe at the entrance. The girl with the miniature pig that wore sweaters and went to classes with her. Everything was new, and Tzuyu wanted to explore all of it. The only problem was that there was no way she could get around with just herself and the little campus map one of the guidance councilors had given her on her tour day. She could remember which buildings were located where, but when it came to exact rooms and floors and sections, she was lost.

Sana, Tzuyu’s first (and at this point, only) friend on campus wasn’t exactly reliable when it came to helping Tzuyu get around the campus. Sana relied on pure luck and memory to help her get around, despite the fact that she had been going there for 3 years already. The girl had tried her best to help on Tzuyu’s first morning, but her instructions were littered with off topic rants and bunny doodles. Tzuyu had ended up throwing the paper away three steps into the Psychology and Communications building. She was truly lucky that everything was numbered, because otherwise she’d never have found her interpersonal communications class.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Tzuyu dropped her bag on the floor next to an empty seat near the wall, where she’d have a good view of the professor but would be able to avoid being called on. She was outgoing, sure, but nobody liked being called on during their first day of college, outgoing or not. Quietly, she took out her books and placed them neatly on the table, then added a pen and a pencil beside them before sitting back and looking around her. The classroom was big, but not as big as some of the ones she’d seen in dramas and movies. Two large whiteboards sat at the front of the room on either side of the teacher’s desk and podium, and a screen directly behind it. It was still early, so only a few students sat in the chairs behind the tables that lined the walkway, two on each side.

She was trying to read the handwriting on the whiteboard when the sound of a bag dropping to the ground knocked her out of her thoughts. She turned quickly as the chair beside her was pulled out, and her eyes met yours. After a moment, you glanced away and sat down, pulling a notebook from your bag and beginning to doodle on the first blank page. She watched you for a moment afterwards, guessing that you had to have been a student there for longer than her. You hadn’t bought the textbooks yet, like Sana.

She looked down at her own notebook and picked up her pen, drumming it on her hand as she debated whether or not she should talk to you. She liked talking and socializing, but she could also tell when other people didn’t share her enthusiasm, and she guessed you were probably one of those people. She was about to turn to you and introduce herself when someone cleared their throat from the front of the class and she looked up to see a sharply dressed woman looking around the room as she placed her bag down on the table beside the podium. Tzuyu grabbed her pencil and quickly opened her notebook to the first page, sitting up straighter as if it would help her hear better.

The professor was a friendly woman with a loud voice and a wide smile that showed the wrinkles by her eyes. She erased the words that had previously been on the board and wrote down her name as she talked about what the class would entail, never missing a beat. Five minutes in, and she had already completely introduced herself and the class, and was passing around the syllabus while giving instructions for an in class getting to know each other activity. Tzuyu glanced at you in time to see your nose wrinkle at the mention of the activity, and she turned away quickly, worrying at the grip on her pencil as the teacher placed the syllabus in front of her. Was it her you just didn’t like?

“Alright, class. It’s pretty simple. Just get to know three things about your table mate and tell the class when it’s your groups turn. Time starts now!” Tzuyu again turned to look at you nervously and felt her chest tighten when you finally turned to face her. Shit. You were attractive.

“Um, hello. My name is Tzuyu.” You gave her a small smile.

“My name is (Y/N). Nice to meet you. Do you have three things about yourself off the top of your head?” She nodded and grinned, putting down her pencil. She had probably been worrying for nothing, it was most likely that you were just tired or shy.

“Well, this is my first year here! And... Spring is my favorite season, and I have a puppy named Gucci.” You raised your eyebrows, impressed.

“Wow. Impressive.” You grinned. “I can’t say I’ve ever met anyone with a puppy named Gucci.”

“Well, my friends and I thought it would be funny.”

“I like it.” You leaned back in your chair and hummed thoughtfully. “Well, I’m a business major. This is my second year here. And... I’m kind of quiet so if I come off rude I’m really sorry.” Tzuyu waved her hand and smiled.

“It’s okay! I talk enough for the both of us, really.”

“Are you a communications major?” She nodded, but before she could respond, the professor clapped her hands and directed everyone’s attention to her at the front of the room. Tzuyu sat forward and gripped her notebook, reciting everything you’d told her when it was your table’s turn to tell the class about each other. Before she had time to look back around the room and see if she remembered anyone’s name, the professor was talking again. Quickly, she wrote down the date at the top corner of her notebook and began recording notes as quickly as she could.

By the time the class was over, she had two whole pages of notes and her hand was cramping in the slightest bit. As she started to put away her things, she glanced at her schedule and resisted the urge to whimper. She had no idea where her next class was. Just as she was about to try and find the map at the bottom of her backpack, you moved in your chair, about to get up, and she had an idea.

“Wait!” You turned to look at her, surprise written all over your face, frozen in the middle of a standing position. “Um, sorry. I just don’t know where my next class is and my only friend here is awful at giving directions so I know for sure I’ll get lost if I ask her.” Sheepishly, she rubbed at the back of her neck. “Would you mind terribly helping me find my way around campus?” You looked at your watch and smiled.

“I have some time before my next class, so no problem. When’s your next class start?”

“10:30. I think it’s in this building but I’m not sure.” She handed you the paper with her class schedules on it as she stood up, settling her backpack on her left shoulder and watching as your eyes read over the page.

“It’s actually two floors down from here. Come on, I’ll take you there.” The tension in her shoulders washed away and she grinned widely, gripping the strap on her backpack tightly. You stifled a laugh. “Do you want my number to make sure you don’t get lost again? Our classes are actually pretty close, if you want I can meet you afterwards and show you where the rest of your classes are.”

“You’re a goddess. A true goddess. Thank you.”

“No need to exaggerate that much. Just follow me.” Tzuyu laughed, but fell into step behind you as you walked out of the room. Maybe making friends in college wouldn’t be as hard as she thought it would be.

“There’s a McDonald’s?” You smiled in amusement as you watched Tzuyu turn in a slow circle, eyes wide as she looked at all the food options.

“Yep,” you said. “There’s also a more buffet style hall on the other side of campus.” Tzuyu’s mouth dropped open slightly and she looked behind her at the doors the two of you had just entered.

“Show me that one next time.” Her voice came out at a whisper, and she grinned and wiggled her eyebrows, making you stifle another laugh and look away. “Oh, come on, laugh!” You shook your head and stepped forward, leading her away from the doorway.

“No. You need to choose what you want to eat.”

“There’s too many choices, how am I supposed to choose?” Tzuyu pouted and crossed her arms across her chest.

“Then I’ll choose for you.”

“No, wait. I’ll get McDonald’s.” You wrinkled your nose at her choice, and she huffed and tossed her hair over her shoulder. “You can get whatever you want, then, and we’ll meet up at the table whoever gets out of line first chooses.”

“Sounds like a deal.” You turned and walked away, and Tzuyu frowned a bit, glancing at your retreating back before heading to the McDonald’s line. She had thought you might come out of your shell a bit after you talked to her during class, and even offered her your number, but you still talked so quiet she could barely hear you, and kept your distance. Sure, she understood that you were probably shy, and she’d just met you, but she already liked you. A lot.

As she stepped into the line, she smiled and nodded to herself, making the guy in front of her give her a weird look and step away. She was going to get closer to you, no matter what. It wasn’t like you had acted like you didn’t want to be friends with her. In fact, you had been the one to invite her to lunch. Didn’t that mean you wanted to be friends with her too?

The man at the register spoke, knocking her out of her thoughts, and she quickly ordered, reaching back into her backpack to grab her wallet to pay. To her surprise, it took barely any time for her name to be called and a tray to be pushed towards her with her order on it. She turned around slowly, clutching the tray in her hands and looking over the tables she could see from where she was standing. There were plenty more, some on the balcony above her head and even more around the corner. Just as she was about to walk out and look up at the balcony to see if she could find you, she saw you walking, tray in hand, towards the stairs. Quickly, she walked to catch up with you, and you saw her out of the corner of you eye. As you stopped and turned around to wait for you, Tzuyu felt a pang in her chest that she hadn’t felt since she was 17 and sat next to a pretty girl with long brown hair and big eyes. Shit. She was screwed.

“Why are all your friends here, I’m trying to mope in peace.” Tzuyu leaned against the wall as she spoke, pouting, her feet just hanging off the side of her bed. Two other girls sat on Sana’s bed across from her, and Sana sat at her desk, giggling as Dahyun, the younger of the girls, made a face and put her hand to her chest.

“Are we not your friends, Tzuyu? We’re trying to help you with your heart troubles,” she said, swinging her legs because her feet didn’t quite reach the ground. Beside her, Mina nodded in agreement.

“I think by this time we’re all friends, Tzuyu. And it’s okay to share your pains over a crush with your friends.”

“Listen to them, Tzuyu. Dahyun and I know all about crushes and relationships.” Tzuyu fake gagged as Sana shared a gaze with her girlfriend. “And Mina’s dating Chaeyoung. We can give you advice!” Tzuyu whined and fell sideways onto her bed, looking up at the posters Sana had hanging beside her bed. Model, model, puppies, half naked model. She was surprised the other girl hadn’t put up a full blown poser of Dahyun in a bikini yet.

“But I don’t know if it’s... love or anything. I mean, I like hanging out with her and she’s cute, and she’s slowly opening up to me. But. I don’t even think she likes girls like I do.” Tzuyu waved the hand not trapped under her body weight as she talked, keeping her eyes on Sana;s posters. Maybe boobs would her not feel so embarrassed.

“Wait, we’re talking about (Y/N), right?” Tzuyu nodded at Mina’s question, making her beam. “Well, Jungyeon told me that (Y/N) dated a girl briefly when she first started going here.” Butterflies left into action in Tzuyu’s stomach, and she tried to swallow the down.

“Yeah, but that’s Jungyeon. She doesn’t have a gaydar, she has a ‘please be gay’dar.” Mina sighed.

“True enough. But this was right when she first started dating Nayeon. She was so googly eyed for her she didn’t even think about looking at other girls. She even said she would throw out her prized collection of signed pictures of female idols before Nayeon told her she didn’t mind if she had it.”

“Plus,” Dahyun added, leaning forward. “Jungyeon has known (Y/N) for a while. She would know about her dating history.” The butterflies did jumping jacks, and Tzuyu pressed her hands to her stomach, deciding to try focusing on the puppies instead.

“Does.... Does she know if she’s single?” Sana giggled and threw one of her small toy plushies at the youngest girl, who squeaked and rolled out of the way.

“You want her, Tzuyu.” She swung her legs and gripped the seat of the chair, smile so wide it looked like it might break her face. “I asked for you last week, though. Risked Jungyeon thinking I was about to cheat on Dahyun, which I would never. And yes, she’s single.” Sana leaned forward even further, wiggling her eyebrows. “And you know what she told Jungyeon a few days prior to when I talked to her?” Tzuyu squeezed her eyes shut and reached over to grab the plushie and bring it close to her.

“Wait, I’m not ready-.”

“She told Jungyeon she really liked this girl she’d met in her communications class.” Tzuyu whimpered and hugged the plushie closer, daring to peek out of one eye. “As in like-like.”

Dahyun winked at her and gave her finger guns, causing her face to heat up. “Go get her, tiger.”

“But-.” Mina threw up her hands.

“Tzuyu, you guys spend way too much time together to only be friends. I’ve never seen (Y/N) talk to someone so much before. Especially not someone she’s just met. Just go for it. You only live once.”

“You did not just give her a yolo speech,” Dahyun said, wrinkling her nose at Mina. The older girl shrugged, unbothered.

“It got the point across.” Just as Tzuyu was about to say something, her phone rang. A familiar tone. Four people dove for it all at once, but Sana got to it first, raising it above her head like a trophy.

“It’s her! I knew it,” she said, her voice raising in volume with every word, making Tzuyu cringe. She felt sorry for the students in the neighboring dorms.

“Well, we were going to do something tonight....” Dahyun rolled her eyes and flopped back onto Sana’s bed.

“You’re so hopeless. Just go out with your pretty much girlfriend and tell her you want to kiss her pretty lips.”

“I can’t do that.”

“You don’t know until you try,” Sana said, prompting Tzuyu to throw the plushie back at her.

“I hate you. I hate all of you.”

“Awe,” Mina said. “We love you too.”

This was stupid. Tzuyu felt stupid, dressed up outside a restaurant that hardly required anyone to dress any better than casual. She tugged at her skirt and wondered again why she thought letting Mina talk her into dressing cuter than usual was a good idea. You would probably just think she looked silly, or wonder why she’d decided to dress nice in the first place. Just as she was about to turn tail and go back to her dorm to throw the skirt and stylish jacket at Mina’s face, she heard her name called.

You were walking towards her, dressed like you usually did, a smile on your face. Her heart jumped in her chest and she internally scolded it, begging it to sit still for once. As you walked up to her, you looked her over, raising your eyebrows although the smile remained on your lips.

“Trying something new tonight?” She nodded, looking away in hopes that the flush crawling up to her cheeks wouldn’t be noticeable.

“Mina dressed me. I know, I look silly.” You huffed and shook your head, grabbing her hand.

“You look really cute. Really.” The flush burned hotter.

“You think so?” The lights from the restaurant reflected off your eyes as she turned to look at you, and she felt like she was in some cheesy romance movie. At any moment you would declare your love for her and the two of you would kiss under the stars and drive off in a convertible that neither of you owned.

“Of course I think so. Although you always look cute, no matter what you’re wearing.” Her eyes widened, and she couldn’t help the smile stretching over her face.

“I know, right?” She said, flipping her fair playfully. You laughed, and her internal self fist pumped.

“Yeah. You must have a lot of people who like you, Tzuyu.” She shook her head.

“Not really. Like, I’m pretty sure my roommate and her friends have it out for me.” You laughed again, but this time it didn’t sound as real. Her smile slipped.

“That’s not what I mean. I mean that you’ll have no problem getting a boyfriend.” Boyfriend? Boyfriends, oh yeah. Those were a thing. Tzuyu grinned and rubbed at the back of her neck.

“Uh. Well, I’m not interested in boyfriends so. It wouldn’t make any difference.” A small glimmer of something passed over your face, and Tzuyu wanted to cling to it, analyze it, but it was gone too quick.

“You don’t have the time?”

“No.” She swallowed. “I, uh, like girls.” There it was again, the glimmer. But this time it stayed on your face. It looked almost like hope.

“Oh. Well.” You paused, as if debating whether or not to say whatever you were going to say. Tzuyu held her breath. “I like girls too.” Out came to breath.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” Tzuyu said, wringing her hands together and trying to ignore the dinosaur roaring in her chest. “It’s more like I like one specific girl right now. She’s here.” Your face fell for a moment before realization hit you. Your mouth dropped open a bit, and for a moment, she was scared you might run away.

“Wait. You mean me?” She nodded. “Really? I mean... there’s better girls out there. You could do better. I don’t talk that much and-.”

“But I like you. Since I met you, I wanted to get to know you better. And then I did, and decided I like you. In a purely non platonic way.” You stared at her, and then began to smile, tugging at your shirt a bit as you spoke.

“Well. In that case. I like you too.” Tzuyu grinned and stepped closer to you.

“Great. I’m glad we’ve gotten that out of the way. Now can we discuss becoming cute girlfriends over some food? It’s cold out here and I’m starving.” You laughed again, making Tzuyu feel like she was soaring.

“Only if I can kiss you first. I’ve been dying to do that. Say that, even.” The butterflies were back, and now there were two dinosaurs roaring in her chest. She was probably going to die.

“Yes, please. I’d love that.” Before she could say anything else, you cupped her face with your hands and pulled her forward, tentatively pressing your lips to hers. She didn’t dare breath as you slowly moved your lips against hers. And kissed her, without a care in the world. She brought her hands up and touched your neck and shoulder, only kissing you back once she was sure you were comfortable actually kissing her. In her head, fireworks were going off and some background character was bringing around the car, but as she separated there was nothing but tinny lights, a 24 hour breakfast restaurant, and you, standing in front of her with your cheeks red and hands still on her cheeks.

And still, it was perfect.

#twice #tzuyu #twice tzuyu #twice scenarios #tzuyu scenario #kpop scenario #girl group scenario #t:collegeau

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