#and NO ONE better be fucking saying to me 2015 was a different time. we were there. it was not a different time.

[leonardalphachurch]

people are often like “wow early rvb is so problematic” and like. that’s not wrong but it implies that later rvb somehow got better and like.

besties this was 2015. the only reason chorus isn’t filled with jokes like this is because chorus doesn’t have any jokes. this show was never our friend.

#we’re not dealing with early aughts humor anymore they were still like this way past that point #i think we’ll all just be better off if we accept that rvb was never meant for us and we’re stealing it from straight men by force #and NO ONE better be fucking saying to me 2015 was a different time. we were there. it was not a different time. #this psa was a direct response to people asking rt to stop making jokes like this. #TONIGHT IS HATER NIGHT i’ve been having emotional flashbacks all day okay i desperately need an outlet or i’ll explode #i’ll be better in the morning #tw rape #<-funny! that’s the exact thing that the show was making fun of us for doing! how funny is that. #anyway.

[writingoneout]

Untilted Katamari Reflections

Preamble:

Content considerations for the following include:

Parental abuse

Bigotry

Worldly anxiety

You're welcome back another day if that's too much right now.

I.

It’s fall of 2015.

You and your virgin college friends drink shitty cocktails called the “Slutty Will Rodgers.” They’re just Pepsi rawdogged with indeterminate amounts of grenadine and Captain Morgan. When you bought the mixers a Wal-Mart stocker yodeled “OOOOoOoooOH, maKIN sOMe DRINKS?!?!” and you knew it was time to leave.

We Love Katamari is on the Telly. It’s a sweet, trippy game you first bought to cope with high school. On Dark Fridays at 1am, when your inbox was barren and your balls were full, you’d drive to the empty gym downtown and sprint six miles. Then you’d come home and replay the firefly level until you fell asleep with your pug.

Your college friends are bad at the game, so they pass the controller. You’re playing the underwater stage. A spaceman falls in the pond of people gunk and stacked crabs. It’s going really well if you’re honest. You point to the screen and say “this’ll be Florida if Trump wins.” See Fig. 1.

Figure 1: Rick Desantis has big plans for Disney.

Your friends don’t reply because they soon won’t be virgins and their tongues battle each other’s. It’s a different game they play, one with fuzzier rules, but greater industry respect. You wish the campus gym was open 24/7.

. . .

Your skills as the prince are not inherent. You first meet him in 2005, when your dyspraxic hands can barely tie a shoe. Your parents catch you lose shit for the Toonami review of Me and My Katamari. They buy it for Christmas, hoping to steady your nerves while your father’s in therapy.

Dr. Flam is a Neo-Freudian hitched to your mom’s guy, Dr. Flim. She’s deep in your dad’s dream journal and makes him watch movies like Cool Hand Luke to really reign in his ego. He gets the DVDs from the Netflix site, then through the mail. As a family you watch your dad’s therapy films and reruns of Inyuasha.

In the waiting room you barely navigate the sticky ball through Namco Bandai’s Satoshi Kon parade. See Fig. 2. You’ve only seen adults express anger verbally, so when you mess up you grunt a lot and let out those Leopold Butters Stotch swears like “crap,” “shoot,” and “gosh darn.” You’re not particularly self-aware, so you probably just say “god fucking damn it” a few times and don’t remember. Years later you realize there was probably a secretary behind the glass watching you do all this.

Figure 2: Bwahbwahwabhbawahbwaaaaah.

Sometimes there’s a girl in the room with you, just around your age. She’s stuck while Dr. Flim teaches her mom about what dream snakes mean for her fear of male puberty. That's what he did for your mom, anyway.

You think the waiting-room stranger is cute, but you won’t admit you like girls yet, especially not to yourself. To cope with the cognitive dissonance, you do your weird shit louder while refusing to make eye contact with her. If you get real stressed you crank up the main menu track and yell “ahhhhh that’s so relaxing” while the “nah nah nah nahs” play through your headphones.

At one point the girl stands against a wall and stares at you with her arms crossed. You bet she thinks you’re cool, but she’s probably just annoyed and hopes you’ll notice, or maybe just ask if she’s OK. It’s probably good you don’t talk with her. You might ask something stupid, like if she's seen the roach corpse in the stairwell. It’s been there for a year straight, isn’t that crazy?

For better and worse, you power through your little game alone. Every time you lose the King of All Cosmos beats, shoots, and belittles you. See Fig. 3. It reminds you of when your own dad shattered your Harry Potter wand over the kitchen counter because you dropped a mini pizza.

Figure 3: The King of All Cosmos offers little constructive advice, all things considered.

You fail quite frequently. Eventually you drop the game because it’s getting stressful and you have the power to relieve yourself of the situation—not the Freudian lobby, just your fake dad.

II.

It’s 2012. PlayStation Network uploads The Prince’s primeval outing: Katamari Damacy. Within, Padre Cosmotic flaps his gums over too much hooch then slams his dump truck ass through the better part of our solar system. He dislodges every recognized constellation and even the moon itself.

Cosmos sends Prince to Earth—the last brick left in the shitstorm—to make slop of our planet and bodies. With the slop space itself will be made anew. The Good Son does as he's told, and every living entity experiences euphoric ego death within the bulbous heaven of the Katamari.

As a Real Gamer Teen you lose a lot less in this one. You really go in and fix Fake Dad’s mistakes, no problem at all. This is why a year ago you hailed “gaming journalism” as your calling. You write clean and play tight; should keep the lights on. It’s the most concrete idea you’ve had since 7th grade when you outlined a YA novel called Tooth Pocket. Even you didn’t think Scholastic would buy that one, though. It was just too hot for the book fair.

One day you’re cranking through FFVI and your real dad swings by, mad you're young. He grills your ass and says “I bet you can’t even tell me the biggest thing happening right now.” It’s some real “What’s a gallon of milk cost?” shit, he could mean anything.

 Surprisingly, you can’t think of a good answer. You and your friends are actually pretty informed because John Stewart is still at the desk and y’all chime in every day. See Fig. 4. You also spend hours each week tearing through MSN slideshows in your Graphic Design class because the Photoshop takes five minutes. You’ve seen a staggering amount of the Syrian civil war.

Figure 4: Sometimes in Snapchat you draw glasses on your cat to make him look like Mitch McConnel. You wouldn't do that without this guy.

Still, you’re a little stumped. It’s the middle of a phenomenon native to moralist presidencies known as "a slow news week.” You actually ran out of war shit the other day and clicked through some slides about Pakistani wrestlers. The seniors who offered you Jack Daniels in the Whataburger lot saw it and laughed. They thought you were peeping dong in class. You really weren’t, but they didn’t believe you. They graduate certain you were bricked up in the Dell Lab over big guys in spandex.

“I don’t know,” you tell your dad.

He throws his hands behind his head, hard, like an orangutan chucking logs at a poacher.

“It’s the fucking carbon tax,” he yells. This comes as a surprise, you think, because that shit is last month’s news. It really didn’t go anywhere.

“Do you not pay attention because you don’t give a shit, or are you just a nihilist and think you can’t do anything?” You can tell in his eyes he thinks there’s a real answer. “Seriously, which is it?

You don’t remember what you said. You probably just stammered until he walked off.

A month later he picks you up from marching band. Your phone is dead, so he had to wait twenty minutes longer than anticipated while you found his car. He punches the rearview mirror until the windshield cracks then screams of how your birth kept him from New England.

III.

It’s 2016. A rockin’ MILF in the Psych department gets you really into Hamilton. See Fig. 5. Every day you wake up on the grind and blast “You Aaron Burr, sir?” through your shitty 7-11 cans. While cramming foreign language Quizlets and McGraw Hill Online you do this thing called “Hafilton.” It’s where rock up to “Nonstop” and quit listening just before Hamilton decides what he will stop is being a good husband.

Figure 5: Like Kojima, you know "MILF" is a mindset, not a factual inquiry.

It’s 2018. Your grades are notably better and you’ve snuck into the honors program. Like Hamilton himself, you really flourished at 19 and thought about running for office. You immediately abandoned this idea after remembering your allergy to recordings of your image or voice.

You cohabit with the Psych MILF, and she offers some advice: she’s really had her boots on the ground with this whole “clinical psych thing” and honestly, respectfully, she loves you, but dear God it might not be your scene. It’s taken a real toll on her and the friends, and she can’t imagine you going through that shit.

At 1am in your living room you boot up DOOM (2016) and listen through some Hamilton. Angelica is thirsty on main when you remember that you, yourself, could be a lawyer. You don’t have to run for Congress to fight the establishment. There’s just the common law, and it’s right there. You can just get your grubby little hands in that shit and work your magic.

. . .

It’s the last semester of undergrad. Your Western Thought professor says Hamilton wasn’t really a huge deal and really James Madison shat out the big parts of our faction-proof empire. Yes, there was, in fact, a civil war, but the caplock rifle worked it out. After the Federalist papers he has you read the Bill of Rights but no Supreme Court cases. There’s a lot of talk on negative liberties.

Just before finals, the learned doctor says your generation only has two things to worry about: the climate and the poverty. Yeah they’re big, he says, but they’re just two things. You’re crafty kids, smart as the framers, even.

. . .

The state decides law school is your jam and lets you come inside.

There’s the negative liberties but you actually read Supreme Court opinions when the big boys aren’t shaking fists for Valley Forge. They have you listen to Hamilton for context. You feel dirty. An LRW professor puts on the “I’m Just a Bill” video and your sectionmate with Ivy degrees gets really, really mad.

. . .

The Federalist Society has a comfy presence at your law school. Along with Big Oil they sling out free pizza to every Little Scalia with a rumbly tum tum.

On your way to class you hear what the pizza boys feel. They hate Europeans, those social democrats with the rotten armories and clumpy cash. The Euros, they think, give too much wiggle room for the mentally ill, and by that they mean they mean gay people and probably just women overall.

There are more than two things to fix, you think.

. . .

The pandemic hits. You and some pals start a Google Doc to stay afloat. It barely works. In the Zoom review for the property final your professor catches multiple people crying. "You don't have to be here," he tells them, “there are other jobs.”

. . .

A year passes. You’re in a niche public interest class you do all right with. The professor looks you and thirty-five others dead in the eye and says how sorry he is that law school is traumatic. You shed a single tear in your little window. You're pretty in the shit and haven’t worn pants to class in months.

Then public interest prof takes a big, big drag from his long, fat spliff. He spins his desk chair and baseball cap at the same time, never letting go of the joint.

“Hey,” he says. “It’s not your fault, really, but the world is fucked. It’s time to fix what your parents did.”

The next week he gives a practice exam where the best solution is to sell an old lady’s house to Nestlé.

IV.

It’s 2022. After throwing your whole gooch at it, you fail the bar exam.

You fall back hard into exercise. When you’re not slamming Barbri you’re at the gym binging curls and cranking the Chainsaw Man soundtrack. One night on the way to squats you finally hear “Black Parade.” Just like you, Mr. Gerry Wayland is stuck between global disrepair and the desire to write Funny Little Books.

You just started an FLB yourself, actually. It’s spin on a Story Break episode you love. In your version there’s a fucked up civil war horse that moves like a spider and is covered in bugs. Rich people kill the planet then the horse gets lost in space. It’s compelling, you promise. There’s body horror and pirates dressed like Gorton’s Fisherman. See Fig. 6 It’s about the horrors of the contemporary world state. It’ll be fun.

Figure 6: An untapped horror icon. Imagine blood contrasting that yellow.

Big problem, though: you remember rich people love hiking. There’s no grass on Mars, not that good shit anyway. Would they really fuck all of it?

You edit. In the last few years, the real breathless ones, the oligarchs cash their tab. A cartel, they think, could really muscle those stragglers, the tragically common. There’s one city left with both breathable air and refugees. They level it. The few survivors are spread amongst the stars, so their loves and languages may die.

. . .

It’s the middle of Bar Prep Round 2. You and the patient MILF see Hadestown in the Big City.

There’s a juke joint on stage flanked by devil trombones. A sad little guy slinks in from the janitor’s closet. His name is Orpheus and, just like you, he’s a sad, short writer who likes a lady so much it comes out weird. He has a vision, he says, for a little ditty. It’s compelling, he promises, and shit’s gonna change. His love is functional and realized, worth the investment of a hardened woman displaced by capital’s torture. She believes him.

You cry because you know where this goes.

It’s just a single tear.

Don’t worry.

Nobody sees.

. . .

There’s this game you like, by some corporate anarchists who hate themselves. They’re Scandinavian, from the spot in Tallin where you stopped for a cruise. Every gift shop there had swastikas and gas masks leftover from the bloody years.

In the game is a liberal yacht MILF. She thinks you’re stupid but someone’s helping with your gun, so you’ve got that on her. And yet, she pins you, re your whole writing thing. See Fig. 7.

Figure 7: She sucked, but it still hurt when she left.

Your favorite Supreme Court podcast says the ocean’s last hope is other countries. But those countries’ people cry to the Disco game, and their ministers also bought The End of History. You meet them on the subreddit. You're all geeked out, waiting for the tide.

. . .

It’s the era of desert cradles. God thinks you’re disgusting, so he sends his better kids with a memo: the flood was too much work on his end, it’s time for something different.

“Just keep walking,” he says.

Your skin bares his figure. So do the corpses. You little birds among billions, gassed out and screaming, move to clean.

V.

It’s 2023.

We Love Katamari is up on the PlayStation store. You sit with the cats and mow down some crabs. You don’t need it so much these days, but it’s nice.

There’s a Bar card in your wallet, just below your gym tag. There are two interviews in your Google Calendar. Good stuff might happen, hopefully soon. You crawl into bed and wrap an arm around your wife’s rib cage.

Everything matters and nothing is safe.

You are loved enough to sleep.

#gaming #actually mentally ill #disco elysium #fuck freud #writing #satoshi kon #2000s anime #law school #environment #hamilton musical #aaron burr #politics #marriage #philosophy #the daily show with jon stewart #bad parenting #my chemical romance #gerard way #existential despair #katamari damacy #we love katamari #succession

[pedropascalsx]

Dabble request: F reader with Dieter Bravo. He finally wins a major award and the reader decides to award him with smutty sex

THE AWARD.

I slightly changed it and had them enter a bet… I hope that’s okay and I hope you like it. Also you sent this in April and I missed it, i’m so sorry it took so long.

Summary: you jokingly bet that you’ll fuck your best friend dieter bravo if he wins an oscar.

Warnings: Smut. P in V. Oral. (M&F receiving). Betting. Strong language. Dieter Bravo being… Dieter Bravo.

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x F! Reader.

Word Count: 2053

A/N: I tried LOL. Thank you to @littlebirdsbookshelf for reading an unfinished version of this fic and encouraging me to finish it. I didn’t edit it and I’m too scared to read it back… so I don’t know how many mistakes are in it 😭😂 ENJOY!!

You groan as your phone wakes you up from the most comfortable sleep you’ve had in weeks, before reluctantly kicking off your covers and stepping out of bed.

The photo of Dieter Bravo's smug face flashing up on your phone screen makes you roll your eyes and curse his name before you swipe to answer. “It’s 5AM Diet, if someone isn’t dead, you’re able to be,” you growl into the phone.

“Shut up,” he says with an obnoxious chuckle, “I’m cashing in on our bet, pretty girl.”

“What?” You say before stuttering, “No. Not today, I’m not playing any of your annoying games this early.. . I’m hanging up and I'm going back to sleep, asshat.” You say, with a wide smile spreading across your face from the sound of his chuckling.

“I can hear you smiling.” He remarks and you roll your eyes again at how easily he can read you.

“What do you want, Dieter? I’m tired.”

“I already told you, I’m cashing in on our bet. March 21st 2015. You said you’d fuck me when I win an Academy Award.” Dieter recalls, his voice dripping with its usual arrogance.

“Buying a fake one from Etsy doesn’t count,” you sigh, imagining he’s just dragged himself back to his hotel from some club, “Dieter, if you haven’t already, go to bed, get so—.”

“I’m nominated,” he interrupts, ignoring the irritation in your voice, “My agent called me fifteen minutes ago. For Hunger Strike - Best Leading Actor.”

“Dieter, you better not be fucking with me.” You squeal with excitement, almost jumping up and down on the spot.

“Not yet, I’m not, pretty girl.”

“When are you home?” You ask, suddenly forgetting how tired you are.

“Eager are we?” He says, his eyebrows raising and the first real smile forming across his face in weeks despite his nomination.

“Shut up, asshat, you’ve got to fucking win the thing first… and if I recall correctly, which I do, I think I said I’d consider fucking you if you ever win one and I only said it so you’d take that damn role.”

“Mhmm. Nope. I don’t think I’ve ever heard the word ‘consider’ fall from those gorgeous lips before now,” he teases. “But jokes aside… Tell me you’ll come with me, I hate those fucking things, they’re only fun if you’re swooning over how handsome I am in a suit sitting next to me.”

“Shut up, asshat.”

“Come with me, pretty girl, put those shiny statues to shame, show them how you shine brighter.” He says, unaware of just how fucking cheesy he ends up sounding.

“Only if you buy me a burger after.” You say, glad he isn’t there to see the way you’re unable to stop yourself from smiling.

“Deal.”

*

You haven’t left his side for the past few days, he had asked you quietly to stay with him while he went through the required amount of press and you had made sure that your hand was close enough for him to squeeze when he needed it.

And today was no different, the confident Dieter Bravo the whole world thinks that they know, nowhere to be seen and instead the sweet Dieter that a few people have the pleasure of knowing sits beside you, looking at the dress bag containing the tuxedo he’ll be adorning in just a few hours time.

“You okay?” You ask, quietly bumping your shoulder against his.

“Ask me again when this is all over,” he says, before taking a generous sip of his drink. “I fucking hate red carpets.”

You take his hand and squeeze it a few times, before resting your head on those broad shoulders that you love so much.

“Whatever happens tonight, I’m really fucking proud of you.” You murmur into his skin, “Always have been, you’re the best friend i’ve ever had.”

He shushes you before pressing a kiss to the top of your head, grateful that you’re with him. “Let’s get this over with, shall we?”

“Let’s do this.” You say, with a little scrunch of your nose.

*

“And the Academy Award goes to… Dieter Bravo.” The gorgeous actress announces and you swear you can hear his heart beating.

He stands slowly, fiddling with the front of his jacket before turning to face you, immediately smashing his lips to yours in a fleeting kiss that steals your breath before shaking the hand of his director and making his way to the stage.

His speech is short but insightful. He makes sure to make eye contact with you as he thanks you for encouraging him to take the role and then shuffles off the stage as quickly as he can.

“Will you be mad if I suggest we skip the after party?” He asks after they finish engraving his oscar, the award ceremony now over and more hands shook than he could possibly be bothered to count.

“Not at all,” you say, resting your head against his shoulder, and inspecting his shiny new award.

“Room service burgers and a shitty movie to fall asleep in front of?” He suggests, before wrapping his hand around your waist.

“Sounds like heaven.”

*

“It’s really fucking pretty,” you say, your hands wrapped around the statue.

“Yeah,” he says, from somewhere behind you. Unable to stop his eyes from scanning up and down your body, and unable to ignore the way his heart leaps everytime he looks at you. “Second prettiest thing in this room.”

“I’d call you a charmer, but I'm pretty certain you’re about to announce that you’re in first place,” you say, turning around to face him with a giggle and a signature scrunch of your nose.

“No. It’s you.” He says, “In every room. It’s you.”

“Charmer.”

You both stand in comfortable silence for a few moments, just staring at each other before you take a step towards him. “Academy award winner, Dieter Bravo.”

“The one and only,” he scoffs, with a roll of his eyes. “You look really fucking beautiful by the way.”

“Shut up, asshat.” You mumble, now standing toe to toe. Unable to stop thinking about the bet that you had made a few years earlier, one that neither of you had mentioned since the day he was nominated.

He’s been your best friend for years. You met on the set of his very first movie, while working as a makeup artist and immediately struck up a friendship. And while there has always been an obvious attraction between you both, the fear that making a move and acting on it could potentially ruin your friendship had kept those feelings at bay.

But standing here and seeing the way that he’s looking at you, you can’t hold back, so you don’t. You surge forward and capture his lips, kissing him with the same intensity he had kissed you with earlier this evening, but this time it didn’t have to be fleeting. His mouth swallows your moans and his hands start to roam your body, squeezing and grabbing anywhere they could as he kisses you back.

He carefully pulls down the zipper on the back of your dress, dragging it slowly and savouring every second of this moment, a moment he’s been dreaming of since first laying eyes on you.

“Dieter,” you murmur softly against his jaw, wanting him to increase his painfully slow pace of undressing you. “Please.”

He increases his pace, frantically pulling on the material and letting it pool at your feet, before helping you step out of it and guiding you backwards towards the bedroom. His hands still greedily grabbing at any and every part of you as he lays you down.

He wastes exactly no time, pulling your panties off in one clear sweep and diving his head in between your legs. The noises he makes are loud and desperate as he laps at your clit with a messy intensity. Alternating between licking and sucking your little bud, only satisfied when you’re screaming his name and tugging at his signature messy locks before soaking his face with your arousal.

You whimper his name as he continues to lap at your clit, before gently pushing him away as it gets too much. Giggling slightly at the sight of his soaked face.

“Are you planning on getting undressed?” You ask as he moves up your body.

“Not this round,” he growls, before capturing your lips again. His movements are sloppy as he fumbles with his belt, pulling it through the loops and throwing it across the room, before pulling his pants down enough to expose his cock. You push him back slightly, and lay down in front of him on your tummy, a moan slipping out as you take a good look at his cock. Thick, long and throbbing. The tip flushed red with a bead of pre-cum, you lean forward, push up the bottom of his shirt and pepper light kisses on the swell of his tummy, nipping a few times before taking him in your mouth.

He groans your name as you hollow your cheeks, your jaw immediately aching from the sheer width of him and slowly you start to bob your head. Gagging slightly as he rocks his hips and pushes past your tonsils. The snap of his hips meet the rhythm of your enthusiastic mouth. After a few minutes he groans impatiently at not being able to touch you, before pulling out your mouth leaning over you and slapping your ass and then spreading your cheeks and tasting you this way.

You take him in your hand, stroking and flicking your wrist in perfect strokes, moaning his name in a perfect little chant as he uses his nose to tease your clit. You cum with a yelp of his name, taking you both by surprise as he soothes you through the aftershocks with gentle coos and little flicks of his tongue against your pretty little clit.

“On your back, pretty girl,” he orders, giving himself a few rough strokes as he watches you. “You ready for me, baby?” He says with a waggle of his eyebrows.

“I'm ready,” you confirm with a giggle, yelping with excitement as he pushes into you. Praising your ‘perfect little pussy’ as he fills you to the hilt. His arms swoop beneath your knees, so he can fuck into your deeper. “Move, D,” you beg as he waits, wanting you to adjust to the size of him.

The second you give him permission, he’s rolling his hips back, watching your face intently before snapping them forward. Loving the sound of your pretty moans as he thrusts back into you. He bends over and presses his lips against your face, thrusting himself in and out of you. Finding that spot and dragging his cock against it with ease, loving how reactive and tight your pussy gets around him.

“Oh Dieter,” you whimper, almost delirious with pleasure.

“I know, fuck, I know, baby girl,” he murmurs, “Taking my fat cock so well, baby.” You love how vocal he is, the sound of both of your moans filling the room. “You know how many times I’ve dreamed of this?” He whispers into your ear. “Every fucking day, since I met you.”

“Me too,” you stutter, seconds before your pussy clamps down around him and everything goes black. White hot pleasure erupting behind your eyes and his name becoming the only word you can speak.

It's a pleasure like you’ve never experienced, you feel him everywhere and you still want more and more. He keeps his pace as steady for as long as he can but his hips begin to falter, his pace more stilted as his cock begins to throb and he pulls out.

Stroking his cock hard and fast as he pants your cunt with thick pearly ropes of his cum.

“Holy shit.” You say with a giggle, “Even better than I imagined, D.”

“Me too,” he says as he collapses on top of you, leaning his weight onto his elbows. Kissing you gently, before nuzzling his face into your neck.

“So how was your night?” You ask with a giggle. “End as good as it started.”

“A million times better.” He says quietly.

You giggle loudly, “Better than winning the most coveted award in acting?”

“Not even a competition. You would win every time.”

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #dieter bravo #dieter bravo smut #the bubble #the bubble fanfiction #dieter bravo fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfic #dieter bravo x female reader #dieter bravo x you #dieter bravo x reader #dieter bravo x f!reader #dieter bravo x oc #my fanfiction #my fanfic #asks

[melrosing]

Ok speaking of changes GOT made… is there any changes you like? I struggle to find big moments, but there are small additions I love. Like Ned praying before he dies, Robb hitting the tree when he finds out, the chemistry that Kit Harrington and Rose Leslie have…. But there are very few structural changes I think improve the story.

hmmm so I can't lie there is a LOT I just don't remember anymore about the show, so wringing my mind a little to come up with something.....

I won't mention things that I think were adapted well (like Ned's execution) as those aren't adaptational changes. and I also won't mention things that I like the idea of (e.g. Jaime's dyslexia) but not the execution (they made out it was part of the longrunning 'stupidest Lannister' joke).

and like.... well I'm stuck already lmao?? I'm not even trying to shit on the show I just feel like it was a consistent exercise in either understating GRRM's work or butchering it entirely. so I can think of only a few things:

I can't find the link to where I talked about this at length but the scene in which Jaime and Ned duel in the streets of KL was a good one imo. I think it was more in character for Jaime to just recklessly fight Ned himself, and a neat parallel to what I suspect will happen between Ned, Arthur and Howland - in that when Ned is attacked from behind by one of Jaime's men in the midst of their fight, Jaime angrily ends the duel bc his man has essentially dishonoured it. I think Ned's fight with Arthur will end as it did in the show (with Howland stabbing Arthur from behind and Ned finishing the job, bc he needs to reach Lyanna), and this is like a parallel to show Jaime and Ned have the same principles, yet each have broken them in times of desperation. My personal theory is that this was a change GRRM recommended - the parallel seems notable to me, and not one that would've even occurred to D&D, esp. given they never gave any particular shit about Jaime's story. And this may sound spurious but I recall that GRRM remembers in an interview, saying the weather was different in the show version of the scene than in the books.... which makes me think he was maybe onset for this one, possibly because of the rewrite??

I'm v much in favour of ageing up the youngest characters. My ideal starting ages for the youngest characters in AGOT would've been Jon/Robb/Dany - 18, Joffrey/Sansa - 14, Arya - 12, Bran - 10. To me they all feel much too young for the roles they play in the story, and it occasionally kills my suspension of disbelief

I way prefer the book’s version of the Red Wedding but I do feel like Catelyn's single cry of despair works better than the book's manic laughter. maybe the laughter was a more vivid image for the books idk

I do actually like how we see Robb's grief onscreen it's very movingly played by Richard Madden. I also love Catelyn's expressions as Robb rides back from the Whispering Wood, like both these scenes are great reminders of their mother/son relationship in a setting where they aren't really allowed to be just that. and like just Michelle Fairley tbh I really like her work as Catelyn even though I don't like how the character was adapted more generally

Breaking the 'concept but not execution' rule just to say I think it was definitely a good idea to explore the High Sparrow as this weirdly charismatic figure so we can see how others might be taken in by him, even whilst we see the extremes of his faith. but that subplot was not executed well at all so fuck it

Yeah I agree that Jon and Ygritte having a slightly more charged romance also works. In the books Ygritte comes and goes quite quickly and I think there is something to be said for lending a bit more gravity to that relationship. I don't think they necessarily had to be the grand romance that the show makes them out to be but I didn't hate it

I might be forgetting other things that worked because some seasons I haven't seen since like 2015, but honestly it just doesn't work for me as an adaptation. things I liked in the show before reading the books feel completely naff in hindsight, knowing how they were supposed to play out, so..... eh

#ask #anti got #asoiaf #edit: sorry this originally said I prefer the show’s red wedding I do NOT 💀💀💀

[ringringimdeadhere]

Okey I'm gonna give my side of the discourse, mainly because I've been thinking about it a lot

This all started because of a cultural shock, and also because of misinformation and just straight up harrasment

I am latino, so I will be biased. Here in latinoamerica the N word does not hold the same weight as it does everywhere else, and most of us where introduced to the word via music and general US rap culture. I at least thought it was closer to the Weon equivalent when I was little, from before I even learned to speak english. Now I know that it might be closer to the "Sudaca" slur (which even then, is a regional slur, not a racial one)

And besides, Roier and Cellbit where minors when all this happened (literally Roier is only 2 years older than me). And as someone who lived around that era on latino internet, shit was wild. It was not a safe space for developing minds that do not understand the weight of racism (especially if you are lightskinned, my god, idk how my mulato friends tolerated me, I was a demon and I got away with everything while they got scorted by security for doing the same thing)

But once again, our racial biases and cultures are different from the US. So once this two mixed, it was obvious it wasn't gonna be all smooth sailing. Especially because our humor tends to be a lot more.. self degrading, like we make fun of our culture all the time. So no matter your skin color, you are used to make and being made fun of for it. I had a friend we called el gringo because he looked so white, la chochos (the curly haired one) because of her afro hair; calling someone "negra/negro" is a friendly nickname for your black friends (only in spanish please dont try this anywhere else-); and my nickname was morocha (yes even though I am still very lightskinned). It's not great, but it is normalized.

And blackface is horrible, that's just fucked up. But ignoring the fact that this happened when Cellbit was a 15 y/o is just denying someone the opportunity to grow up and better themselfs. And also, I find it very weird that all this critique is mainly against the latinoamerican streamers when many white creators have done horrible things in their youth also, yet I have not seen the same amount of criticism. Like have you seen the Smosh videos from the same era? A hella lot of sexism, transphobia and ableism is in there. But they are also allowed to grow and change, and they have better themselfs as people. One of the best things you can do when growing up in a bigoted space is to learn from your mistakes and prejudice.

WITH ALL OF THIS SAID OH MY GOD STOP HARRASING BLACK PEOPLE FOR THEIR GENUINE CONCERN ABOUT GIVING BIGOTED CREATORS A PLATAFORM. THEY ALSO DONT HAVE ALL OF THIS BACKGROUND WITH THE LATINO COMMUNITY AND GOT JUMPSCARED WITH A 15 Y/O BLACKFACE CELLBIT AND BITS OF ROIER SAYING THE N WORD NONCHALANTLY, OF COURSE THEY ARE GONNA BE CONCERNED

I have been in the same position, having seeing all of this 2015-2017 racist ass humor about latinos on many of the content creators I just got around watching. They are allowed to be uncomfortable and even worried about the kind of people they admire. So PLEASE, be patient, and be aware that when you try to justify racist actions of a creator via "oh gringo black people are so sensitive about latino dark humor" that speaks more about you than about the creator.

I genuinely believe that Roier and Cellbit are not bad people and that they grew out of those bigoted mentalities (lord knows I had to grew out of some disgusting eras of myself). But I will not blame NOR ATTACK black people for fearing the type of content creators that are given the opportunity to be this influential.

#qsmp #qsmp discourse #roier #cellbit #qsmp twitter #twt

[occasionalrpmemes]

Amigo the Devil: Volume 1 Starters

sentences taken from the 2015 album. edit as desired. warning: this one does NOT pass the Hayes Code lmao. content includes, but is not limited to: sex, violence (both domestic and otherwise), alcohol, strong language, religion, general moral degeneracy, et cetera

It's all for you.

I'd rot in hell with you, if you'd just ask me to.

Come on, believe me, follow me home, there's no judgement here.

Take the shot.

This night is going to end horribly for someone.

I'm not so much afraid of letting go as much as scared of giving up.

Open up to me.

The Devil came and sold his fucking soul to me!

If I've hurt you, please forgive me. Love makes you do funny things.

This fire feels so real.

Don't say a word, my darling. I know how you feel.

On rainy days, we'll drink until the gray is left in nothing but our hair.

I know you want it, too.

I'll lay by your side 'til everything is rotten through.

Tonight, we'll celebrate life! Eat the best food and drink the best wine.

I hope your husband dies.

Are you feeling upside down or even empty inside?

Meet me down by the bar. We'll go and take this drink out to the stars.

Death is just one moment.

Some people follow rules, some people go around.

As an elephant, I'm only really relevant when I'm standing in the room.

I am the son of an asshole.

No one deserves my world quite like you do.

I'm not so much afraid of being alone, just kind of feel I've had enough.

God knows I'll do what I need.

These hands are stronger than you're led to believe.

We'll never have a house to decorate, a place that we can call our home.

If I can't have you, nobody will.

There's only one thing in this life that makes us living.

I want to be where all the stupid shit I say sounds so romantic and true.

Live with me in this sin forever.

There's nothing left to lose, 'cuz I've already lost it all.

Tonight, I'll follow you home and start up a fire that'll keep us both warm.

Hang around, let down your hair.

So you should start to undress and just… try a little less.

Now you're with this asshole- you expect me to believe it's gonna last?

Let me have this dance with you.

Your eyes look like diamonds still stuck inside the mines.

When your tongue is putrid and your skin is sagging down, I'll stick around.

It's true, I hate everything but you.

We'll laugh a little, drink a little, see what you're made of.

All the bridges in the world won't lead you back to fix what couldn't be erased.

This fairytale just ain't coming true.

I'll drive my car like I stole it, drink at the bar like I own it.

These wrinkles are the maps of all the places we went no one else would dare.

I'd rather have a reason I should stay.

There's always gonna be a better high, and a lower down.

We take things a little far, but you couldn't name a place I wouldn't go with you.

I'm capable of making you disappear.

I have a couple different faces if you need a place to hide.

The time we spent together when the light was out became my thought of you.

I am the agent that decides your fate.

There's only one kind of people in the world: people who die!

It doesn't matter what you've heard or if you're good or bad and everything between.

I love the shitty things we do together.

It's been a while since I've held anything as close as I have you.

I'd like to live my life just like a dog. Humble as can be and unconditional in everything I love.

I'll make you famous one way or another.

Home is the last place that I'd stand to be with anyone but you.

I'd crawl in bed with you. Even in someone else's blood, on top of someone else's love, in the worst motel we find.

This life is a maze with only one way out.

Every dime spent is worth looking good- and that's Hollywood!

They'll write about our story here for years to come and maybe even more, cuz there's never been a love like this before.

I'll cut to the chase, just don't try to leave.

Trust me, I'm not jealous, I'm just hoping that he really messes up.

When I had you near me I just couldn't think of anything to say, but now that I'm alone, I got the perfect things to tell you everyday.

We'll leave the world the way dreamers do.

All the parties we can throw - we'll dress like anything we please!

All the distance that we've spent apart will never have to mean a thing. Every mile I traveled was to find the perfect stone to fit your ring.

Living in the moment's hard when everything I want is in the past.

When the night falls, out comes the terror.

Your heart will always have a place to live with nothing left to be.

#amigo the devil #rp meme #dialogue prompt #hell and you #sentence starters #lyric starter

[polyhexian]

you pointed out nova storm being yellow now and it's going to haunt me wondering if ciro neili (did some of the character designs) did that as a friggin' monkey team reference

okay so the thing is Nova Storm is a rainmaker. a character that barely exists but IS from G1.

the yellow one. but the thing is that even though the rainmakers are like, quite popular, since they are seekers, and have been referenced in fanon for decades, this character did not get a name until 2015. From Ask Vector Prime. So the rainmakers are Acid Storm (green), Ion Storm (blue) and Nova Storm (yellow.)

Obviously Nova Storm (yellow) is very confusingly similar to completely unrelated character Sunstorm. The other yellow seeker.

Apparently some old fanon staight up asserts Nova Storm is just a miscoloured Sunstorm? god. who knows. Also, to be clear, despite the fact Sunstorm's name ends in -storm, he is NOT a rainmaker. completely unaffiliated. coincidental.

this is where shit gets weird

so in 2015 Nova Storm gets a name. okay, solid. We have agreed the yellow one is named Nova Storm.

Three years later in 2018, Cyberverse airs. This is the new Nova Storm.

Purple

Girl

why girl? why purple?

"well nate," you say, "isnt more girls better? why would you question that?"

well because this is slipstream:

Why are they so similar????? Both purple, both girls. like, really similar purples, too! Theres different models for the girl and boy seekers.

so this is Cyberverse Acid Storm, another rainmaker. due to, I believe, a miscommunication during production, some episodes use the female seeker model for Acid Storm and some use the male. Addressing this on twitter staff has owned up to the mistake and instead of getting defensive, rolled with it and said hey, well, its in there, so its canon! Acid Storm is genderfluid lol. And I kind of love that.

In any case you can see distinct differences in the models, so like. if Nova Storm used the male model, at least it would be different from slipstream. as it stands purple nova storm, for some reason, is one of the most frequently appearing background seekers, so it ends up, imho, being VERY confusing. especially if you arent like me and the rest of us freaks and you cant recognize every character by a picture of their ankle.

so like, to be clear, I'm pretty sure Cyberverse is actually the first time any actual STORY used the name nova storm. I think the only thing predating cyberverse is the ask vector prime. at the very minimum this is the first major use of the name, for the purple female character. at this point the connection to the yellow rainmaker is.... tenuous??????

but then we drop the card game:

which says she, so i guess... girl?

nova storm also apparently appears in idw 2019 where, again, apparently, girl? but look. yellow. YELLOW. all yellow. rainmaker.

so THIS:

this is the art attached to the ask vector prime post. what even the FUCK is that. sorry the art is nice but what IS that. is that a SEEKER? WHO is that. that PRIMARILY black with gold accents. thats not the rainmaker design or even the purple one we'd get.

i genuinely hate referencing this but the only other appearance of nova storm is as an angry birds pig costume and while its still mostly yellow i DISTINCTLY note the black cannons and yellow and hands like. thats. thats from the ask vector prime design.

...right?

this is the Iron Factory third party Nova Storm figure from their rainmakers set. this was revealed in 2019. the angry birds costume is from 2020. 2020. i genuinely think it might be possible iron factory put their foot down and said "the black and gold design fucks" and everyone forgot hes suppsoed to be neon yellow

now HERE... HERE FINALLY.... is EARTHSPARK NOVA STORM

holy shit. look at this. we have nuked the yellow from this design. she's now PRIMARILY black with gold HIGHLIGHTS. who IS this. i guess nova storm has actually now been female in MORE appearances than male????? and as far as I can tell, the gold and black design traces specifically back to deviantart user bdixonarts who has virtually no industry credits OTHER than creating the modern design for Nova Storm???? she, uh, crushed it, i guess

also an incredibly fun note i didnt know until just now: do you know who voiced earthspark nova storm? any guesses?

Nicole Dubuc. nicole fucking duboc plays her AND skywarp. nicole dubuc is the head writer. she wrote rescue bots. and final side note, tfp ratchet's catchphrase "I needed that!" came explicitly from her scripts lol. god this is so funny to me she went from recording rescue bumblebee's lines before they were replaced with beeps to just straight up being Novastorm and Skywarp in a mainline show.

anyway who the FUCK is nova storm?

dude, who the fuck knows.

#maccadam #nova storm #earthspark #transformers

[appropriatelystupid]

can you tell us the story of how you found your cats? i'm sick in bed and would love a heartwarming story :)

ooo you caught me at the right time because i just sat down with quite a bit of time to kill (also I hope you feel better soon <3)

when i say rey picked me i fucking mean it

it’s a lengthy so i’m gonna put it under the cut and kitten pics (first pics i took of the three of them)

our story begins all the way back in 2015:

over the summer i’d had to say good bye to one of my two remaining childhood cats, pongo, after ~17 years. my mom still had the last, catscan, but in september i would be leaving for a new job in a new state and she wouldn’t be able to come with me

there was a few months of training for this new job that meant i was in a situation where i couldn’t have pets yet but by mid december i was in my new apartment and DESPERATELY needed felines back in my life (legit this is the longest i’d ever lived without a cat in my home)

so finally, sorta settled between xmas and new years, i began my search for some kittens

i pretty quickly found the closest humane society to me and started scrolling their cats and there was a GORGEOUS long-haired tortie/calico kitten with a tragic backstory to boot

within a day or two i drove over to try and meet the kitten and see if any others seemed bonded to it because i knew i wanted two so they’d have company while i was at work

so i get there and do some intro stuff with the staff and run through the five cats i’d grown up with (and the bonus cats that crossed my life in various ways) clearly proving i wasn’t terrible and was absolutely qualified for adoption. the next step was meeting all the cats they had

(a brief note about the layout of this place: it’s located in an old house that’s been remodeled to serve this purpose so there are a handful of rooms set up for different groups of cats and each room has a door that’s almost fully a window so they can keep an eye out easier)

so we go into the first room that has the very little kittens and obviously they’re all adorable but they’re only just big enough to technically be ready to go to a new home so none of them jumped out at me

the second room, as it turned out, would be the game changer

in the second room only had two cats in it. lucy and leon (who i remembered had a terribly unflattering photo on the website) were nearly six months old and were very obviously related and likely part of why they were separated from the others

the room had a cat tree in one corner but also had a wall mounted about waist height on three of the walls for them to get to the window. there was a single folding chair placed to the side of the room

so we approach the second room and the employee showing me around tells me she has to take care of something and that i should just wait in the room until she’s done (majorly sus but i think she could tell rey was about to pick me). both kittens are standing in the door window watching me come over

so i scooch into the room and go to sit in the chair and before i’m even fully seated the girl cat is already jumping in my lap to curl up and start purring. the boy, clearly more skittish than his sister, gets up on the wall to sniff at me from a safer distance but eventually stretches out to get a paw on my shoulder to really get some sniffs in

i only sat there for maybe five minutes but my original plan was wobbling majorly

the staffer comes to get me eventually and we continue through the rest of the rooms. the fourth room had the gorgeous kitten and some other unrelated cats. and it was too nervous to really let me pet her. the others didn’t seem too interested in our presence either so no second cat from the room seemed like the one either

we moved on, headed downstairs to the new new kittens who weren’t ready for adoption and the seniors who i wish i could’ve considered more seriously (my pain from the summer was still a little too fresh and i knew catscan was only going to be around so much longer)

as we head upstairs to finish up some paperwork we talk through the next steps. they like my vibes but still need to call my references to do their do diligence. when we walk by, lucy and leon are back in their door window watching

i leave for the day, text my friend to warn her she’d be getting a call, and head to target to pick up some stuff. within an hour, barely into my target run, i get the call that i’m approved to adopt, and do i have any front runners for who i wanted to take home

there was no question about it: it had to be lucy and leon

rather unfortunately, the timing of it all meant i couldn’t actually pick them up until january 2nd (only four days later but a long four days of impatience) but then, just like that, i had two precious little kittens in my house just in time for their sixth month birthday on the 3rd, now named rey and legolas

~cut to april 2021~

i’m sitting at work one day and my buddy texts me that his sister came home that day, during a storm, to discover four kittens in a storm drain/gutter. she’d sat around for a bit to see if a mother came back but after an hour or so couldn’t bear to leave them out alone anymore so she brought them inside

i let him know, if she needed any help with placing them after she got them checked out i could probably help (we lived near each other and both my parents had separately talked about wanting a cat again. and i was moving out of my apartment into more space and figured i could probably handle a third if it came down to it)

two-ish months later, i’ve moved lego and rey into their new house and my buddy texts me again, am i still interested in another cat

there was one of the four yet to be claimed and i said absolutely give me the little guy

my buddy puts me in touch with his sister and we sort out a time for me to come by and, within a day or two, kieran joins the clowder

#some fun bonus facts: #alt name considered for rey: tauriel (i had a theme but it’s harder to abbreviate than legolas) #alt name for kieran (i didn’t know if i was getting a boy of one of the girls for a bit): aithusa (i was committed to it being kmcg related #so thank you sg writers for not knowing anything about anything) #also i def teared up typing this i just love my babies so so much #appropriatelyfeline #anon #appropriatelyasked #stupidlyanswered

[gopped]

so… remember when I said I wanted to create the most 2015 out of character most cringe fanfic about durgetash and I had that pole asking if I should actually write it (as well as some actual serious durgetash which I will.) well…. I did it. Any bad use of grammar/ spelling are 100% on purpose, this is not a serious fic aka please don’t think this is how I actually write.

enjoy 984 words of pure torture.

Hey my name is The Dark Urge but everyone calls me Durge for short. I’m really poggers and epic because I was born from the blood of Bhaal, yeah Bhaals my dad, suck on that posers. I have ivory-white scales and eyes the color of blood being splashed on the deepest of rubies. And I’m a storm sorcerer, studying to do magic is for losers! Plus I have this super cool slayer form that literally makes me so badass. As the true spawn of Bhaal you could say I have it all, I have a whole cult at my beck and call, all the different corpses I can eat… but there’s one thing I don’t have yet. There’s this one guy….. The chosen of Bane, we made like this pact thing that says I can’t harm him but it never said I couldn’t fuck him. And by the gods I will. I want him to be my shmoopie snuggluffagus cutie pookie patootie pudding muffin, but my dad is like a total buzz kill so I have to apologize for even thinking about putting a ring on that. Anyways his names Enver Gortash but he prefers for me to call him Enver because we’re close like that and I’m special and all that fun stuff. Plus I’m so much better that the depressed pile of dust and bones we also have to work with, ugh he’s such a boomer.

So here I am walking into Moonrise Towers so we can start discussing our super foolproof evil plans for how to take over the world. My super platform docs stomp against the stone steps to enter the tower, I glare at a few of the various subjects of other cults, idk which ones though, all I know is they’re not as cool as I am. Their probably posers and preps for all I know. But again, I don’t care. I make my grand entrance into the throne like room, doves flying behind me as light shines behind me, I’m just that important to like the world and stuff. I whip off my super cool angular anime sunglasses and I look around the room I see my pookie schmookie goth fantasy man boo-boo bear sugar goober standing off to the side and I see the old decaying grandpa corpse sitting on the big chair at the end of the room. Ugh, he’s the worst, and not even in a fun way, he won’t shut up about how his daughter doesn’t want to talk to him anymore and how he’s literally only here because of her, like how boring can a backstory get? He begins to speak. “Ah how nice of you to finally join us, you’re over an hour late.” He grumbles out, I swear theres like a moth living where his brain should be doesn’t he know that you have to be fashionably late? “Umm yeah.” I say, “that’s the point, what kind of nerd actually shows up on time.” I say rolling my perfect blood red eyes, making sure I show my sharp teeth as I scoff at him for extra effect. “Whatever, let’s just start the meeting already.” The reanimated corpse groans out, bones cracking as he repositions himself in his high chair. I cross my arms over my chest because I’m mysterious and awesome as the guy begins to speak, I don’t pay attention my sister is probably around here somewhere I’ll just ask her for the spark notes version. Gods I want to kill someone. Like I don’t have to, but I’m bored and it’s something I enjoy doing. Then I notice something in the corner of the room, while the old man goes on and on I go and investigate, the something I noticed was a cultist, not one of mine of course, they knew better. Upon further inspection, they don’t even seem to be a cultist, their robes look homemade with no reference to what they’re even supposed to be wearing. And they seem to be snooping around too, ugh it’s probably some Harper spy or something. Well, might as well get my kill count up while I’m here I guess… I approach them and before they could even begin to utter an excuse I shove my dagger in their mouth, dragging it against the roof of their mouth and tongue and pushing it down their throat. I watch with glee as the fear in their eyes gets worse as they start to choke on their own blood. I wiggle my blade, making the gashes in their mouth wider as I do so. I could stop there, but where’s the fun in that? I pull my dagger out to watch them cough and sputter out their own blood, uselessly clawing at their throat. Ugh, what a poser, I bet that even before I did that they wouldn’t be able to name 3 MCR songs.. I shove the spy onto the ground as they look up at me almost pleading with their eyes. Ugh it’s disgusting. So I take my dagger and I begin to hit them, it’s at this point I notice that the boring guy stopped speaking and the room was silent except for the occasional blood gurgle. I pull out the persons intestines and that’s when Gorts and my eyes meet across the room. It’s like so romantic like I swear someone casted like stop time or something… him and his pepsi dark eyes… I tuck some of the blood around my tympanum, gods he’s like so hot. Like the hottest I’ve seen in my 40 years of dreadful existence. Then he walks over to me and my heart goes doki doki he knees beside me on the other side of the now corpse and we start making out. No lips no tongue, all teeth. And then we took control of the netherbrain and got married.

The end.

#durgetash #durge x gortash #I don’t want this on my ao3 account so I’m only posting it here #A tumblr exclusive if you will. #It was just as painful to write as it is to read. #I had to make it 2 paragraphs bc tumblr yelled at me.

[sapphire-weapon]

Sorry if some of what I say doesn’t make sense, I do not speak English that much.

Honestly Claire in DI is one of the worst things Capcom has done to a character. Revelations 2 happened before RE6 around 2011 I believe and there we have an older (mentally and looking) Claire who is badass and mature. With an adult attitude and appearance.

Death Island happens in 2015, Claire is closer to 40 than 30. So why does she still look 17? Characters age and it is okay, in REV2 she is older and more mature but still funny, old doesn’t mean boring. I found her character really consistent (i know REV2 had a few issues with her character but aside from that I found her consistent) until Death Island.

Rebecca is even worse IMO, she is the same age as Claire yet literally acts like a kid. And Jill acts as if she were the older version of Moria Burton and Leon also has little personality in the movie (and both were still the most decent characters in Death Island). And Chris…he looks like him but it definitely doesn’t feel like him. This Chris literally seemed like he didn’t GAF about Claire at all. I don’t see the RE6 or RE8 Chris it literally feels like a new Chris (with no personality)

Maybe I missed something because it looks as if Chris is the only character allowed to age, because the rest don’t even look almost 40 and they almost all are… but Rebecca is worst on that. Hoping that I am not the only one who thinks since so I would love to hear your opinion on all of this.

So Capcom already admitted outright that they haven't shown the female characters aging literally because they didn't want to and didn't think they'd look good. So that's definitely a thing. Not much we can do about that, but it is what it is.

I don't know how people look at DI Leon and don't see 38, though. Straight up. His character model for that movie was a slightly tweaked version of his Infinite Darkness one, and I felt that Leon looked way too old for 29 in ID to begin with. I assumed he was 34 in ID before I learned when it was actually meant to take place. He looks very normal for his age in DI.

In fact, I would say that Chris looks too old. He's 43 in DI. He looks at least ten years older than that. At least. I would've placed him at 56 if I didn't know better.

Like. I don't know if this is a case of people just... not being around people in this age group often enough to know what people in this age group are supposed to look like, but Leon does not look too young, and Chris looks very old.

Source: am 34 with a brother who's turning 40 in a month, whose friends are mostly older than him.

In terms of the characterization, I really strongly disagree with most of this. The only one I agree with you on is Chris. DI Chris didn't feel right.

But everyone else felt perfect to me. Like, the best versions of the characters we've seen in over a decade (remakes not withstanding).

I actually hated Claire's portrayal in Rev2. I don't know how someone fucks up Claire's character to the point of making her not know how to handle or talk to children, but Rev2 pulled it off. I have very few kind things to say about Rev2 in general, but I thought whoever wrote it completely missed the point of Claire's character.

DI felt like the most authentic version of Claire since Code Veronica. She was pissed off, yet compassionate, and she was smart and got shit done. That's Claire in a nutshell.

Rebecca seemed absolutely no different to me at all. RE0 Rebecca is RE1 Rebecca is Vendetta Rebecca is DI Rebecca. I don't see what you're seeing there.

I've talked about the changes in Jill's character a few times; basically, Jill is still the same character that she always was, she's just less subtle now. Jill was always fiercely independent and domineering and stubborn -- it was just way more low-key before. She's just louder now, basically.

And Leon...

Death Island is the best portrayal of Leon in the OG timeline, period, and I'm not kidding. Death Island Leon is Leon. That's who he is.

DI takes all of the different facets of his personality that this series has played with over the past 25 years and blends them all together at the correct ratios to create what is, I believe, what Capcom has wanted Leon to sound like since RE6 but has never been able to pull off.

I'm kind of feeling like... if you don't like DI Leon, you just don't like OG Leon as much as you think you do lmao

OG Leon is a tired, cynical man who hates himself and resents his position in life but does what he does because basically no one else can -- and despite hating himself, he's actually very vain (likely to mask how much he hates himself), so he shows off a lot, specifically BECAUSE he knows that no one else can do what he does. He's used to being the smartest person in the room, so he comes off as arrogant, even when he's not trying to be. And then he tries to make himself seem more palatable by trying to be the funny guy, but he's the only one who thinks he's funny.

Like. That's OG Leon. And that's exactly who he is in DI. DI was pitch perfect with him.

[cherrrysue]

hey do you have any fics where larry is in an established relationship but they’re keeping it secret for one reason or another ???

yesss here u go

Secret Relationship

the first one contained heavy amount of smut read at your own risk

We Keep Taking Turns by Ropewithnoanchor

E, 69K

The start of the On The Road Again Tour means new anxieties, this time for both Louis and Harry. Between performances, traveling, interviews, family time, and the biggest crisis their band has ever faced, they have to help each other feel better the only way they know how—through domination and submission.

[A relatively canon-compliant story of nights in hotels and bedrooms, starting in February 2015.]

Hands Clasped Tight by afirethatcannotdie

E, 44K

“What am I looking at here?” Harry asks.

“This, my friends, is a ‘proof’ Instagram account, run by your students,” Liam announces.

“It’s got all this stuff about how the two of you are together,” Niall adds.

“I heard about that,” says one of the math teachers. “Confiscated a kid’s phone today when they were looking at it. I have to say, the evidence that you’re dating is pretty damning.”

“Really,” Louis says dryly. “Do you think being married for three years might have something to do with it?”

Or the one where Harry and Louis are high school teachers and their students have been playing matchmaker for over a year. Little do they know, Harry and Louis are already married.

If You Asked Me If I Love Him (I'd Lie) by allyasavedtheday

M, 26K

So Harry and Louis might have fucked up.

The day of their wedding was the single most perfect moment of Louis’ life and every single day since where he’s been able to call Harry his husband has been nothing short of bliss. There’s just one teeny, tiny problem…

Their families don’t know they’re married.

*

Or the one where Harry and Louis eloped but neglected to mention it to anyone. Meanwhile Lottie is getting married and the only way for them to not steal her thunder is by pretending they're just friends for the weekend. Featuring Harry and Louis as terrible liars who don't know the meaning of the word platonic and some Tomlinsons and Styles's who definitely don't believe them.

Into The Midnight Sun by summerwine

E, 63K

Every day without Louis was a never ending blue Monday. Every day went without his sweetness and warmth and the radiant colours of his flame. The tenor of his voice became unfamiliar and muddled between going so long without the sound of it and getting lost with every other voice clouding Harry’s memory.

But he was here now, warming Harry’s bones with lips like summer. Every moment in his arms felt like a Sunday stroll through London. Beautiful and stormy and feeling every bit like home.

or, It's 1983, Harry embarks on his first world tour and Louis is a budding actor in LA. Life spent apart isn't easily adjustable, but somehow they make it work.

Call Answered by vondrostes

E, 249K

The day after his 27th birthday, Harry Styles attempts suicide. Louis is flown to his bedside to unravel the mystery of why he did it after a flash drive is found with a note attached, addressed to Louis. On it are a collection of 78 songs, all written for different dates from their past.

You Watched Me Sink by bananasandboots

E, 38K

They've discussed it a few times - the boyfriend thing. It's not like it's some forbidden, horrific, abandon hope all ye who talk about furthering the relationship sort of subject. They're mature adults. They're in tune with their feelings, their hearts' desires, the way those butterflies swoop in their bellies whenever they so much as hold each other's hands. They like each other. A lot. It's mutual, they know. But for now, they're just content to enjoy the simplicity of what they have, and what they have is great.

When dating in secret stops being enough, then they'll discuss that too.

Or, the one where Harry teaches Sex Ed and sneaks around with the drama teacher, and doesn't realize how out of tune he is with his true feelings until everyone else figures it out for him.

Lover Boy by brightgolden

E, 27k

“I’d love to meet your lover boy one day,” Lottie says suddenly as she pours Louis a whiskey on the rocks after their dinner. OR Where Louis wants to tell everyone about his relationship with Harry, but his boyfriend clearly thinks otherwise.

please leave a like or reblog ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

#ps. i only recommend fics that i like and read already #so it's guaranteed not a fail hehe #harry styles #louis tomlinson #larry stylinson #oh btw anon sorry for the ~2years late reply lol #larry fic recs

[gwydionmisha]

I am having to limit my Middle East/Western Asia war coverage, because I am having to limit my news intake for mental health reasons on this subject.

Not for the first time, you'll likely have noticed. Let's talk about that a little so you can understand the whys of it and how i decide what sorts of things I cover. I don't close cover most wars for the same reason I don't close cover most mass shootings. There are exceptions. These are also for reasons. I am trying to figure out how to explain. I generally do postings for 1. a big thing happened (war, shooting, disaster). (With shootings and disasters, I will often show a lot of things in this categories for different types of events, in part because of the event itself and the loss of life, in part to show just how systemic the thing is and the need to make systemic changes). 2. Here are why this big thing happened. 3. Here is some things we could do to stop this thing happening. 4. Here is a particularly big thing during a long ongoing war or disaster. 5. Somebody did something particular people need to know about and there needs to be an accounting. (war crime, police deciding to let the shooter kill as many brown kids as he likes instead of intervening in Uvalde, the egregious and deadly code violations in building Grenfell Towers, how neglect of infrastructure made the natural disaster worse, how a particular disaster is man-made rather than natural and who's to blame, etc…) 5. Here is a thing you can do to help people who experienced this terrible thing.

Number 5 is why there tends to be more natural disaster follow up than granular war coverage. Generally there is fuck all I and most of can do to help except say fund refugees or humanitarian aid, and doing the research I need to do to post war coverage eats away at my ability to do much of anything else. I can post how to help links for humanitarian things for both natural disasters and refugees, but I can't for every war or disaster or man-made disaster. I do what I can, but it's very limited.

There are other people who cover wars way better than I can. I'm one disabled person in frail health. I can't remotely do everything I want to in this space. I have been forever drowning in links I prepped and didn't have time to post since… I'm going to say 2015. The type of stuff I mostly cover is in areas where I can work with passion and often fury, but never despair.

Wars chew me up so very, very fast.

I will keep posting what I can, but it's always going to be heavier on things that are actually in my areas of expertise than outside of them. It's always going to be heavier on things we can collectively change than things we can't.

I have been trying to figure out how to talk about what's happening right now since I saw what happened during my final meds snack before bed Saturday morning Us time. I keep trying to work out how to explain with nuance and historical context and world politics and the weight of the dead. I keep failing. I am sorry. I can not see a way this turns out well in the long run for either side or the people who always get the worst of things.

This is why, in general, I don't write much about Israel and the Palestinians. The people who can actually make things better tend to be the people with the least say in what happens. The people who do have the power to make things better for everyone seem to absolutely not want that most of the time. Every time there is a window to really fix things, it's rejected or ignored. Anger, justified anger, makes things worse, because it entrenches the sides.

I know that things can be fixed if enough people on both sides want it to be. When I was a kid the 21st border relations between Ireland and Northern Ireland seemed impossible. I still look on all that progress with a deep sense of wonder. Healing and progress are so incredibly hard and so worth it.

I don't see that happening in Israel without massive change. I have been rooting for that change my whole life. I am worried more countries will get involved. I am worried this war will harden positions further and kill chances of improvement for another generation or more. The status quo has been untenable for my entire life. Longer. Diplomacy can't work if every agreement is quickly violated by one side or the other. People are dying right now.

I'm not good at covering things I can't see a solution to. The only solution I CAN see, can't happen without massive change for the better and the trend's been going the wrong way.

Do not think skimpy coverage means I don't care.

#Israel #Palestinians #War

[smokingtiger]

The difference is, Jikookers crossing the line are being called out by others Jikookers. As they should. When are taekookers going to call each other out?? It never freaking happens. It’s been years and years and and it keeps getting worse cause a part of the fandom is allowing it and treating every shippers the same way when you know damn well they’re not the same breed. Taekookers are completely unhinged, the sane ones are probably only a few and they’re being drowned in the crowd. The vast majority of the weird shipper comments today were from them. If the fandom collectively really wanted to do something against them it would happen and it just doesn’t because a lot of big accounts out there are not saying shit for whatever reason but only so vague statements about shippers in general. Lmao, it’s always the same crazies who cause problems, let’s face it

Well, I haven't really touched on this ship yet in detail, so I think now would be a good time... Let's get into it. Honestly, I'm a little frightened to talk about this given that it's such a hot topic, but please stick with me until the end.

Taekook: Passion or Poison?

I'm not sure if this is a Tumblr-exclusive problem, but as someone who witnessed the live in real-time with all of stan Twitter (or X? who fucking knows, I hate Elon) ready to pop a blood vessel, I will tell you that the issue of calling out toxicity is not so black and white. Just on the tweet sent out by translator tteokminnie, I saw several taekookers in the quote retweets calling out the strange behavior exhibited by the more intense side of their shipping group. I think that the amount of toxicity that you see depends on the platform that you use as well; I've come to notice that Instagram and Quora are the WORST places to encounter a shipper. If you value your sanity, please... don't go onto Quora. Just don't. Tumblr is usually a hit or miss, but trust me, I have issued out blocks to multiple ask blogs (both Jikook AND Taekook) that I believed to exhibit crazy and toxic behavior. Many of these people squawk out their instructions to a choir of crows, their anons and asks often regurgitating the same ghastly song in an endless cycle of lunacy. I try not to engage in toxicity when possible, and I think that if we all blocked and moved on, the world would be a better place. Disagree with me if you want anon, but I have witnessed accountability from both Jikookers and Taekookers following what happened -- And you know me, I'm never one to pick sides in an area that is greyer than concrete.

Like you said anon, I will admit that taekookers have a large group of problematic shippers, but I think that's because taekook is considered a 'gateway' ship (alongside yoonmin & jikook), it's an easy pairing to fall into. As an ARMY since 2015, I can tell you that they've been extremely popular since the fandom's inception in 2013 and have only grown more popular. So, the longer something's been around, the more likely they are to accumulate a huge group of supporters, and within every HUGE group, there will be bad eggs. Like, we're BTS stans, correct? Shouldn't we know that there's a large group of undesirables within us that the general public perceives to be ALL of us? We know that's not true and we work to try to eliminate the problem... but there are MILLIONS of us, we can't possibly have a hold on every single person, especially with a fandom as diverse as this one. I made an analogy using apples a few asks back and I think I'll bring it back here. You have ten apples and two of them turn out to be rotten, at the end of the day you would probably consider that batch to still be a good one. Now you have one-hundred-thousand apples and twenty-thousand of them are rotten. Now you're probably second-guessing the quality of the batch. The ratio hasn't changed, but since there's so much more of them, you're more likely to question it. I mean, I die inside every time I'm reminded that t*ekook-l*ves has half a million subscribers (sorry to bring them up AGAIN but they really are my sworn enemy), but just because they do have that many, that doesn't mean that I think all taekookers are responsible for the group's bad behavior or social negligence. And this is my personal feelings based off of my eight years as an ARMY, but I do feel as if sometimes the infamous reputation of taekookers being erratic or crazy has impacted the fandom's general perception of them as a whole, further highlighting and targeting the group even when the person in question is not a toxic taekooker. I feel like when a taekooker does something bad, it's usually dissected under a microscope and blown out of proportion due to the scrutiny the group faces as a whole. And this sentiment has transcended beyond the fandom and has permeated into the general perception of interactions between Taehyung and Jungkook as well... I don't know if you remember the amount of shit that happened online when Taehyung posted this photo:

(missing Jungkook's bad bitch haircut right about now...)

The number of tweets (xeets? I don't fucking know.. count your days Mr. Musk, I don't 'xike' your update) I saw that cast a large side eye on the people who posted this picture was really strange. I mean, are people not allowed to repost a picture of the boys? Why is it suddenly weird now that it's Taehyung and Jungkook? I just think it's incredibly unfortunate that some toxic shippers have ruined how people view the friendship between these two. Jungkook and Taehyung have an incredible bond and have built long-lasting and trustworthy relationships with one another. Why should we listen to the ugly squawk of a few loud birds when we can appreciate what's right in front of us? Also, it's not just me, I've seen a few non-shipping accounts on Twitter also express the same sentiment, talking about how negative perceptions brought on by toxicity have made people cautious about posting them.

The 'Toxic Shipper' Label

I've seen a lot of these comments, whether it be in long Tumblr asks, in my own ask box, or in general discussions online following the events of that live: is it problematic to label it as 'toxic shippers', and if so, is that hiding the actions of a particular group?

This might get me in trouble, but in my opinion, no, I don't think it's problematic to label the events which transpired as the actions of toxic shippers. What happened was not only the fault of taekookers, so why should they be the only ones to take the brunt of the blame? I think that it would be helpful to say 'Toxic Jikookers or Taekookers' but even then, it wasn't just taekookers or jikookers, but a whole mass of problematic behavior. I do agree that louder voices in the fandom should crack down on this behavior and cite the problem as accurately as possible.

At the end of the day, I don't care who 'did it worse' or who screamed the loudest in the comment section: toxic shippers WERE at fault. The lot of them. It's like saying: Well, I only burned down ONE house while this guy burned down two... Well, okay? But you both burned down houses... that's fucked up. We can all agree that you and this guy, toxic arsonists if you will, are fucked up for doing that... Both of you should and WILL BE held accountable for arson.

I just feel as if some of the hatred towards taekookers is disproportional, but yes, we should be holding one another accountable when we can. Despite what a lot of people say, there are GOOD taekookers out there who try to avoid slipping down the slope of toxic delusion, who just enjoy their ship just like anyone else would. Any shipping group can fall down a dangerous rabbit hole, so let's just all look out for one another, okay?

Also, you mentioned that the majority of the comments came from Taekookers, for that, I'm not super sure nor can I confirm it. I was watching the live and a lot of the comments (for me) were people asking him to speak English or an equal amount of ship/marry-me comments. I've seen screenshots where someone's entire comment section was just taekook, and then another where it was just jikook. I'm not really sure how Weverse displays comments or how much of a delay there is, but we can both agree that it was a cesspool. Here's a screenshot I found on Twitter: Now ofc this is just ONE moment out of a lengthy live, so who knows. Also this isn't me shitting on good jikookers (no toxic ones, please), but it's just showing the POV that someone had on Weverse. I'm sure there are some other screenshots where it's the opposite. I'm assuming (based on the context) this occurred right after he said 'Jeon Jimin', so of course, there would probably be an influx of jikook-related comments.

I'm not a taekooker, I'm not really anything (y'all know that), but I am someone who has been in this fandom for a very, very long time. It would be nice to have a fandom clean-up, but what we can do right now is educate, block, and report. That's the best that we can do. Also to sane taekookers, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this, for real. If any shippers or taekookers in general would like to shoot me an ask with their point of view or thoughts, that's cool too. This is just sort of how I feel. Nobody kill me okay. This is just my opinion.

#ask #taekook #vkook #honestly talking about this makes me a little scared but #i have noticed weird behavior towards normal taekookers #i thought i'd talk about it here #I post tons of jikook-related content on here bc I'm more acquainted with jikookers #HOWEVER #that doesn't mean I don't see what's happening

[dogstarblues]

Last Song I Listened To:

"You" by Tennyson! it's a sweet little song and i use it for my qpr-in-my-series playlist. "What's the point of that? I could be pressing flowers with you. Savor all this time rather than fret all afternoon. Take me from my thoughts, now would be riper than limes in June." so soft.

Last Book I Read:

The Ballad of Black Tom by Victor LaValle is the last book i finished. phenomenal book. absolutely wonderful on a craft level. It pushes the reader to question the role of a black main character in an american horror, pushes the reader to question what constitutes horror is for black americans, and in that push answers your question for you, delicately, carefully. Deserves all the praise it got. Recontextualizes one of the most racist lovecraft stories and shows the character of Black Tom's humanity even as Black Tom tries to leave humanity behind. also. sentence level? so fucking good. down to the sentence it's so good.

I'm currently in the middle of like 15 books but off the top of my head

Witch King by Martha Wells

Dreadgod by Will Wight

To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis

On the Shoulders of Titans by Andrew Rowe

The Future Is Disabled by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha which feels more like a manifesto than anything else so im not really getting as much out of it bc disabled people on tumblr have been talking about the contents of this manifesto since 2015 or earlier

The League of Gentlewomen Witches by India Holton

The Last Sun by K.D. Edwards

Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor

Way of the Hunter by Samer Rabadi

Female Masculinity by Jack Halberstam

Coming up, I'm doing a buddy read soon of The Black Shoals: Offshore Formations of Black and Native Studies by Tiffany Lethabo King with @markeyverse and a buddy read of The Cooking Gene: A Journey of African American Culinary History in the Old South by Michael W. Twitty with @toopunkrockforshul and a book club read of When the Angels Left the Old Country by Sacha Lamb

Last Thing I Watched:

Star Trek: The Next Generation. I simply don't Watch things these days, unless we count youtube, in which I have watched Drawfee's "Driving from Washington to Mexico for Charity" to cope with grief bc omg you do not need your brain for that. it's comforting. and also my roommate is obsessed with Azerbaijani Village Cooking Videos and points out different foods and how like the ones he grew up with they are and how they differ from Georgian and Russian preparation and consumption and he tells me the names of the food and what they taste like. so we watch that almost every night if i dont fall asleep first.

Current Obsession:

my own work tbh. my poetry, my fiction, my paintings. trying to get better. i suppose outside of that. hm. my interest is turning toward gay nuns as of yesterday with a Realization of christian religious trauma being more real than i thought. im looking at "Immodest Acts", "Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence", "Scorched Grace: A Sister Holiday Mystery", and im hoping "Sisters of Sorrow" is gay bc if its not what the fuck are you doing. but i cant delve into them all yet nor buy them yet. and im trying to prioritize my TBR.

i'm also reading eco-justice poetry/nonfiction, afrofuturist, transformative justice, disabled, and solarpunk literature for my solarpunk wip

Tags 8 people:

im tagging yall. no big if you dont wanna do the meme. im gonna go lay down now. sleepy.

@filthburgur @cadencekismet @mysanaf @vorellaraek @markeyverse @pacifistrun @outside-your-window @cassandors

#dogstar speaking

[be-with-me-so-happily]

Summary: Y/N applies to be a styling intern for the One Direction crew during the Where We Are tour. As she gets better at her job and closer to the band and crew (especially Harry Styles), some of her dreams seem to be coming true, but so are some of her fears.

A/N: This one is a bit longer. Kinda crazy. Let me know what you think. Be aware that a lot of it has to do with Zayn leaving the band.

Warnings: Some language, intercourse, Zayn leaving

~~~~~

CHAPTER 23 -

NOW IT'S JUST TOO LATE TO TURN AROUND

March 19th, 2015

"Hey honey, got a minute?"

"Yep!"

"Are… you alone?"

"Nat, what's up?"

"Zayn went back to the UK..."

"Okay…"

"He said it's just stress… but… everyone is starting to think that he might be done."

"Done with what?"

"With the band."

"What? No."

You feel uneasy, but have a hard time believing it.

"It's just rumors from the crew, but… we haven't pulled any outfits for him for this show, so I don't know."

"Maybe he just… needs, like, a short break? He does get stressed pretty easily… and he's taken small breaks before…"

"Yeah, maybe. Feels a bit different this time.

"I'm sure it's gonna be okay. Some people just… run their mouths a bit too much."

You know she's worried. Even though their personalities were total opposites, she was closer to Zayn than any of the other guys.

"Yeah. You're probably right. I miss you, honey."

"I miss you too. Wish I was there."

"Me too. Damn it, I need to go. Love ya."

She quickly hangs up and you are left standing in the kitchen, your stomach twisting a little. You open your messages.

:you: hey z!

:you: you doing alright?

:you: i'm always here to talk

~~~~~

March 20th, 2015

It is your last day at your temp job. You have really liked the opportunity to work with the designer and experience a different environment to working with One Direction. It is definitely more of what you pictured you would be doing, while you were studying at school.

You do, however, miss the family environment that was created on tour. You also got to call the shots, for the most part, with a lot of their outfits.

But, nonetheless, this was an awesome experience and you are glad you had it. Now you have a more versatile resume as well, and that's definitely an upside.

"Hey Y/N?" Your boss, Deidra, says to get your attention as you pack up for the day. "I am beyond grateful for your help, girlie. We needed the extra hands, and I'm going to thank Amelia for recommending you."

"It was my pleasure! Thank you for the opportunity!" You reply.

"We may actually need some help again next month, if you're interested?" She offers.

"Absolutely! I'd love to!" You instantly reply.

"Great! I'll give you a call when the time comes!" She gives you a hug. "Seriously, girl, thank you."

~~~~~

"Wow! You really killed it then!" Ryan exclaims, sitting on the kitchen stool as he finishes his dinner.

You laugh, then shrug. "I guess so."

"Not surprising. You've always been a hard worker. Even in school." He winks.

"I guess." You smile, grateful for his support. He's such a nice guy.

"Just take the compliment, punk!" He grabs your face and you give him your best 'squished-face' smile. Then he kisses your lips.

"I'm glad I brought some treats over. You like cookies a lot, right?"

"Yes. I do."

After a little bit of reminiscing, and finishing your cookies, Ryan stands up and swivels you around to face him.

"It's Friday night, can I stay over?" He asks.

"Sure!" You reply.

He leans in to kiss you. Hyped up from the confidence boost, you grab the back of his head and pull him in closer for a deeper kiss.

It doesn't take him long to stand you up and lead you to the couch. He seems to want to get right to the point.

Clothing is quickly removed from the both of you and you drop down backwards, as he plops himself down to hover over you.

You push him off you to straddle and lower yourself onto him. You're going to take some control this time.

[Okay, brain, no more ex-boyfriend bullshit]

"Fuck." You mutter, not keeping the quiet volume that he seems to use himself.

He stops your movements and you whine. "Are you okay?" He asks.

"Yes, Ry, it's good!" You reply, looking down at him to show your sincerity.

He thrusts up into you, getting deep, and you resume grinding on him.

With labored breath, you look down at him, "can you… kiss my neck?" He leans in and pushes your hair back.

[This. This is closer to what you wanted]

"I'm getting close, Y/N." He admits.

"Can… can you thrust in me." You request. As he does, you can feel your body trying to take over.

"Oh my god." You pant.

He picks up the pace, which gets you closer, and you grab his hair tightly with both hands. You put all your thought into orgasming, you just need to help push yourself over the edge. You moan.

"Fuck!... Oh my god, Har-"

[What? No!! No!!]

"Harder." You request, trying to cover up the huge mistake you just made, hoping he didn't notice.

"I'm so close." He responds.

You close your eyes tightly, trying to focus on everything else except what just happened. You bury your face in his neck.

"Go deeper." You whisper, and he abides, sending you over the edge. "Oh… my god!" You exclaim, sitting up again and throwing your head back. Your legs shake as you try to steady your breathing. He pumps up, and in, a couple more times before he groans and pulls out.

After sitting there for a few minutes, both breathing heavily as you come down, you swing your leg back over him and stand up.

[Did he hear you? Does he know what you were going to say?]

He sits there silent for a minute then looks up at you and smiles. "Even better than last time."

[Good, he didn't hear you]

You chuckle, and lean down to kiss him. "Mhmm." You give him a wink. "I'm gonna take a shower. Are you staying?"

"Yeah, if I can?" He wiggles his eyebrows, in a sarcastically sexual way.

"Oh my god." You roll your eyes. "I take the offer back," you say, joking.

"Awww…" he pouts.

"I'll see you in the room." You chuckle as you make your way to the guest bathroom.

You use the shower once again to clean your body as well as your mind.

[Why the hell were you about to say Harry's name? What the hell is wrong with you?]

You weren't actively thinking about Harry while you were straddling Ryan's lap, with his dick inside you.

[It was really good sex… better than the first time]

"Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you, Y/N?" You whisper, as you run your hands over to get the shampoo out of your hair. "This is so fucking stupid." You whisper again to yourself.

[Why the hell is this happening?]

~~~~~

March 24th, 2015

Frazzled is the only word to describe the past few days. The fact that you were enjoying sex with Ryan but started to say your ex-boyfriend's name left you… frazzled.

You aren't make any moves, any flirty gestures, or make any comments that would insinuate you wanted sex. You need to sort yourself out, because you don't want to say it again, and you definitely don't want Ryan to hear it. You like him, and you like the sex, and you need to sort this out so he doesn't get hurt.

You're going to call Natalie. You know she will freak out, maybe cuss you out a bit too, but she's your best friend and you don't know what to do.

But you'll wait til tomorrow. It's the next day for them and you're pretty sure they have a show, so tomorrow will be better.

~~~~~

March 25th, 2015

"After five incredible years Zayn Malik has decided to leave One Direction. Niall, Harry, Liam and Louis will continue as a four-piece and look forward to the forthcoming concerts of their world tour and recording their fifth album, due to be released later this year."

[Oh. My. God]

You're staring at your phone in disbelief. You know Natalie had mentioned this, but to see it officially announced was a whole other thing.

"What's wrong?" Ryan asks, breaking your wild thought processing.

"Umm… Zayn left the band." You state, still staring at your phone.

"Oh. Crazy." He casually replies.

Your eyes shoot up at him and you frown.

"What?" He asks, seemingly shocked at your upset expression.

"This is a big deal." You explain.

"Oh, sorry. I just didn't think you'd care as much, since you're not with them anymore."

You scoff. "They're still my friends. They're my family!" Tears start to well up and you can't catch them before they leave your eyes. "Shit. I don't know why I'm crying. It's just… I can't believe it."

"I'm sorry, Y/N, I didn't realize. I'm so sorry." He wraps his arms around you and leans in to give you a kiss on your temple.

"I've gotta call… someone. I've gotta call Nat!" You stand up from the couch and walk to the bedroom.

The phone only rings once before she answers.

"Y/N." You can hear the sadness in her voice.

"Oh my god Nat. What… umm… how are you doing?"

"Not doing the best today."

"I'm so sorry. Damn it, I wish I was there."

"Maybe…" She stops herself.

"What?"

"Maybe you could come?"

"What? There?"

"Yeah. I miss you. This whole thing is crazy. And… the boys, like, knew already but I know it still rattled them, ya know?"

"Oh man, I-"

"I was with Niall a little bit ago. He's sad, Y/N. They all are."

"I don't know…"

"It might be a nice distraction for them, or a pick-me-up…"

[She has always pushed you to do things for adventure, but rarely for something 'emotional'. Not like this. It means she needs it too]

"Okay… I'll, uh, look up flights. When and where is the next show?"

"Johannesburg, March 28th."

"Okay, I'll try to make it there. I love you Nat."

"I love you too, honey. Can't wait to see you."

"I just wish it wasn't for this. But I'm coming."

You hang up the phone and feel a presence at the doorway. You quickly turn around to see Ryan standing there and you quietly gasp.

"You're going over there?"

"Yeah. I need to." You respond.

"Need to? Why?" He crosses his arms, defensively.

You frown again at him. "This is a rough time for them."

"Them?"

You're starting to get agitated. "Yes, them. Natalie, Levi, and the guys. They're all my friends."

"And Harry?" He questions.

"Well… no… but he's part of the band. It's rough on all of them."

He sighs and drops his head. You can tell he's nervous about that. You want to reassure him, and maybe yourself, that nothing will happen with Harry.

"Are you worried?" You ask.

"Well, yeah. He's your ex… and, uh… yeah." He answers.

"Hey…" you walk over to him and put your hands on his shoulders. "You have nothing to worry about. I'll go for a few days, then I'll come back. I just want to be there for them. Like, collectively."

"I know." He nods, and you give him a kiss on the cheek. "You're a good person, you care about everyone."

"A few days." You remind him. He looks up at you, hesitation still in his eyes, but a small smile on his face.

"I'll help you look for flights."

You suddenly hear your phone vibrate.

:niall: tomorrow morning 7am

:niall: private jet for you

:you: niall… no…

:niall: please let me do this

:niall: we want you here

:you: okay, bud… thank you

:niall: yw superstar :)

You look up at Ryan and shrug. "Well, I don't need a flight, Niall just covered that. I'm leaving tomorrow morning."

His eyes open wider. "Oh, wow. Okay." His hand reaches behind and he runs his neck. You grab his face to look him in the eyes. "A few days Ryan. That's all."

He drops his hand and grabs your face to squish your cheeks again. "I know. I'm just sad. My pillow doesn't cuddle back like you do." He chuckles.

You can tell he's still nervous, but it's sweet that he's trying to be calm for you. You give him a gentle kiss before pulling away to start packing.

~~~~~

March 27th, 2015

It was a very long flight, especially by yourself, and especially since you still don't like to fly. To say you were nervous felt like an understatement. Thankfully, the one flight attendant that came along ended up sitting and chatting with you, since you weren't giving her much to do anyway. You actually ended up taking a good, long nap, so you weren't too exhausted as you arrived in South Africa.

The car pulls up to the hotel and your stomach is in knots. It's surreal that you are here at all, let alone to be with the band for a bit, and not being a part of the crew anymore.

You basically bolt out of the elevator to Natalie's room. You can't wait to be with your girls.

You knock on the hotel room door and it quickly swings open. Natalie squeals as she jumps on you for a hug.

"Let… me… in…" you mutter as her grip gets tighter around your neck. She lets go and you giggle.

"My girl!" Exclaims Jade, coming over for a big hug herself. She pulls back. "It seriously isn't the same without you here." She gives you another hug.

"Tell me about it." You reply.

You hear the bathroom door open and turn around to see Dana standing in the doorway, with a big smile on her face.

"Dana! What-..." You stutter, looking around at the others, jaw dropping.

"Well, hey there!" She giggles.

"What's going on? You're hanging with these crazies now?"

"Hey!" Jade laughs.

"No. Actually, Amelia recruited me once Sarah was fired and… you quit…" She explains. "So I get to bunk with these beauties!"

You smile. "That's awesome, D!"

"I know right? I'm moving on up!" She giggles again.

"I didn't even know you wanted to do this." You state.

"I didn't either, but Amelia was… kinda desperate… and she asked Jacob if any of us merch interns wanted to give it a go."

"Of course this happens when I leave…" You sigh.

She shakes her head. "Just think of it as doing me a favor." She smiles, probably trying to make you feel better about missing out on all this.

"Well, then you're welcome." You chuckle.

Natalie grabs your bags and puts them by the rest of theirs. "We get to share beds here." She says with some sarcasm.

"Slumber party!!" Jade yells.

"This will be an interesting trip." You joke. "Speaking of… are… we all going to see the boys right now?"

"It's just me and you, honey." Natalie replies.

"We know they really wanna see you, so we will hang back here." Jade says, gesturing grandly at the small hotel room.

"Okay, we will catch up later then, okay?" You give them both hugs, quickly freshen up in the bathroom, and make your way out the door.

You enter the elevator and your nerves peak. You know the boys love you, but you wonder if you're overstepping.

"Why are you fidgeting?" Natalie asks, grabbing your hands to calm you down.

"I honestly have no idea." You shrug.

"First time meeting a boy band?" She jokes.

"Yeah. Think I'll get their autographs?" You chuckle.

"Probably not. They're kinda mean, got big egos."

You reach the floor and are met by two security guards. Natalie explains that you are with her, and once it all checks out, they let you both through.

One knock is all it takes for the door to open, and Niall gives you one of the biggest smiles you've seen on his face. It's good to see, considering the mood you were expecting.

"Superstar is here!" He yells as he turns his head back to everyone that's in the room.

You're pulled inside, seeing Louis and Liam sitting on the couches, just munching on snacks and playing video games.

"Well, well, well…" Louis states and he drops down his controller and walks over to hug you.

"Surprised the hotel hasn't kicked you out yet Tommo!" You joke.

"There's still time, love." He winks.

Liam is next to walk over. "Hello darling, we've missed you." He pulls you back then gives you a kiss on the cheek.

"Me too bud, me too."

Niall comes up behind you after shutting the door.

"Welcome home!" He exclaims.

"I'm only here for a few days…" you respond.

"Okay, sure, sure."

~~~~~

After chatting with everyone, keeping it light-hearted, Louis has convinced you to play a video game with him.

"You're going down, Y/L/N!"

"I don't know Louis… I feel some 'whoop-his-ass' powers coursing through my veins!" Everyone laughs. You know you won't be good, but you can't resist a little trash talk with him, and it could help the mood.

He starts explaining a little bit about how to play, and you are ready to start.

The room door opens, and you can hear some chatter, but you are trying to stay focused before the game starts.

"Shush!" You blurt out, in a joking manner. "Focus… Whoop his ass… focus…" you chant, pretending you're trying to be quiet but making sure everyone close by can hear you.

"Y/N?" You hear that deep, familiar voice call out. "Wha-... What are… You're here?"

You almost drop the controller as your head snaps towards the doorway, seeing Harry's tall, slightly disheveled figure standing a few feet inside the room. His eyes are wide, as if he is looking at a ghost.

[He didn't know you were coming?]

"Hey..." You clear your throat and stand up. You're not entirely sure what to do, but you want to try and put everything aside, just for this moment.

As you walk closer, you can see his eyes darting all around you, as if he can't believe what he is seeing.

You stand right in front of him and open your arms and wrap them around for a hug. He immediately wraps his around your shoulders and you hear his breathing is shallow.

"What are you doing here, Y/N?" He whispers, not yet releasing his arms from around you.

"With what's going on… I couldn't not come…" You reply.

He pulls back and keeps his hands on your shoulders, studying your face and giving you the tiniest smile.

"I wanted to be here for all my friends." You add.

His gaze drops down, but he keeps that hint of a smile as he nods.

"That's good. Good. Thanks. It's been…" He furrows his brow, not continuing his statement.

One of your hands rubs up and down his upper arm. "I know. I'm sorry, H."

He flicks his eyes up at the sound of his old nickname, but you don't correct yourself. You don't want to make this moment awkward, because it's bigger than the both of you.

As you look into his eyes, you don't find the comfort you were once so very used to. You see a suppressed sadness. You're not sure if it's because of Zayn leaving, or you being here, or both, but there are the tiniest tears starting to form. He's cried before, of course, but this not the Harry you knew before.

"Harry…" you whisper.

He clears his throat. "It's… it's good to see you." His smile widens. He gives you a quick side hug, clears his throat again, and walks over to the couches.

As Harry grabs the game controller, Louis puts his hands up. "Oh, mate, Y/N was about to play."

Harry turns his head to you and raises an eyebrow, knowing that playing video games is not really something you do.

"No, that's okay." You shake your head.

"She's just too scared to lose." Louis jokes.

You growl. "I'm just saving you some embarrassment."

Harry chuckles. "I kind of want to see this…" and he lifts up the controller for you to grab, and you sit in the middle of the couch.

"Time to make you cry, Tommo." Everyone laughs and gathers round the couch as you start to play.

With Louis on one side of you and Harry on the other, you play the game and throw out your best insults. You are right on the cusp of winning and Harry sits forward on the couch.

"Come on… you can win this… go! Go!"

At the very last second, Louis beats you, and the room fills with disappointed groans.

"Aw, cheers mates. Thanks for the support." He rolls his eyes.

"My fans are loyal too, Tommo." You grin, causing him to stick out his tongue at you.

Some food arrives and everyone sits around on the couches and on the floor. It reminds you of the time everyone was hanging out in Ronnie Wood's hotel suite after the X-Factor performance. It feels so nice to just be around all of your friends again, joking and laughing, listening to the stories that they already have from this new tour.

You do feel a slight sadness that you aren't experiencing it all with them. But you shake it off, wanting to soak up these good moments you're having with them. You're happy that they are at least enjoying today.

You look up from your plate, and catch Harry glancing at you. He clears his throat and then looks down at his own plate. You know him well, and can spot the tiniest little frown on his face. Then you feel a small frown forming across your own face.

[He's the reason you aren't experiencing it all with them. Well, you could be, but you probably wouldn't be enjoying this moment right now…]

~~~~~

"Hey Y/N, I've gotta head back. The girls and I need to get to the venue to set up." Natalie announces, looking at her watch.

"Okay, yeah, I think I need a nap anyway." You reply.

You both get up and give hugs to the boys, and the few crew members there that you know. Harry is last, and you both struggle for a few seconds trying to figure out how to hug one another.

You end up just letting him pull you in gently, and slightly wrap your arms under his. You don't let it last more than a second or two, then head to the door. He follows behind you, and as Natalie walks out into the hallway, puts his hand on your shoulder.

"It's… it's really good to see you." Harry says, holding the door frame with one hand, as he runs the other one through his curls.

"Right. Well, I wanted to be here for all my friends." You shrug. "Seems like a crazy, weird thing that's happening so… just wanted to… bring some support."

"It means a lot to me, to us." He replies, showing a big dimpled smile on his face, which makes you giggle.

[There. There he is. The Harry you know]

"It'll be a short trip, but I hope I can help."

"It's helped me already." He says, flashing another big, dimpled smile.

"Good. But…" You clear your throat. "This doesn't change anything, Harry. I'm here for everyone in the band. For my friends on the crew. For Natalie. Not… not, like, for you."

You feel a lump forming in your throat saying that. You don't want to be harsh, especially not right now, but you definitely need to be clear with him.

His eyes drop for a second, before he looks back up, smiling and nodding. "I know. I do. I still appreciate that you're here."

[He took that well. He's moving on. Good for him]

"Well, have a good soundcheck and stuff."

"Are… are you coming to the show tomorrow?" He asks.

"Yeah."

"Okay. Good. I'll, uh… I'll see you there then, maybe." He replies, letting out a quick cough and then shoving his hands in his jean pockets.

"See you there." You state, nodding at him as you walk out of the hotel suite and back to yours.

[That went fine. You feel fine. So that stuff during sex with Ryan must mean nothing…]

~~~~~

<< HARRY'S POV >>

He walks back to his suite, feeling so happy to see you again, but so sad that it'll end so quickly, that you'll leave again, and that he'll have to return to the heartbreak of knowing he let you go.

[Why did you have to look so pretty, with your hair laying naturally the way he likes it, even after such a long flight? Why did you have to joke around and laugh so big, the way he loves so much? And… why… why did you have to… to look so happy without him?]

~~~~~

Series Masterlist || Chapter 22 || Chapter 24

Taglist: @watermelonsugacry @tw1nflamebruis3 @slut4lilyrose @pinktakeaway @hopefulwastelandcreation @tenaciousperfectionunknown @his-only-angel-1989 @queenmadi2 @runway-to-my-aid @theekyliepage @be-yourss @harryistheonlyoneforme @b-reads-things @behindmygreyeyes @michellekstyles @a-strange-familiar @yousunshineyoutempter @buckybarnessimpp @little-freak-satellite @msolbesg @sleutherclaw

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[orange-ghost]

Long post? I've been thinking a lot about Sia's "Music" lately. No, I'm not trying to insult her. I'm talking about the film. Her diagnosis has been all over my timelines, and most people are condemning her for the film's content nonetheless.

I think all the other big Autism accounts have criticized her well enough that I don't need to add on. As they should. They've all said what I wanted to say & I personally won't be forgiving her so easily. But the "Music" fiasco... actually reminds me of how PAPERBOY (my webcomic) was born, in a way?

Matthew & his classmates have lived in my head since 2015. And I remember that when I started PB, I actually didn't know I was Autistic yet, either. At the time, all I knew was that I was a kid in Special Ed, that disability was an unspeakable topic, and that a lot of the people involved in it treated me badly.

Kids' brains are like sponges-- they soak up whatever's around them. And I was raised drowning inside of an awful program. One that didn't show nor teach us respect, acceptance, or anything like that.

I resented, looked down at "certain" kids with the more noticeable disabilities, for "making SPED kids look bad! You're the reason we ALL get seen as less than!" And the thought that I could ever really count as a disabled kid was my worst nightmare. Because in my head, being disabled would mean that all this abuse was justified. And that I was truly & utterly inferior.

And I'd wring out all that nasty thought-process water. It would spill onto the pages of notebooks that became PAPERBOY's first drafts. And oh, believe me, it stained.

But, unlike Sia, I was a kid then. She's grown. She also put that shitty story up for all to see, while mine was restricted to notebooks. And it was only a year or two after I learned about being diagnosed as a baby that the ND movement(s) started blowing up online. So I looked into it, and like... it opened my 14-year-old mind up a lot.

So you know what I started doing? CHANGING THE STORY. Writing a better one. One that was much less hateful. And I changed the core message from "fuck disability, and fuck Special Ed too!" to "being different is not something we should feel punished and pain for. We are a community. And we deserve better."

Autism is neutral & one if the most human things I can think of. It's not to be demonized or glorified. It's not a tragedy, and it's not always some amazing miracle, either. We are people, not props. We deserve to be spoken & storytold about realistically. And we should be embraced at the end of the day. You need to be willing to learn how to listen & respect life's Autistics as they are.

Sia can't undo the real life harm she & her ableism inflicted. I can't, either. But... she CAN choose to change, grow up & out of it, and maybe lead her audience with her. Hopefully, with her new diagnosis, all that time offline, and a crap ton of self-reflection, she can. I mean, I managed, and I'm nowhere near as life-experienced, smart, OR skilled as she is!

Truth be told, I kinda hope she makes another Autism movie? With a big writing team of experienced, Autistic storytellers who know what they're doing. Cast Autistic actors. And instead of writing about somebody that she clearly doesn't see as an equal, she can actually level with them & write them a better story, too. "Music" was dedicated to somebody, right? I think that Somebody deserved a story where they're not just seen, but they're heard. And spotlighted! (Music certainly wasn't.) So... why not try again?

Or hey, maybe not even that, maybe she can try writing from her own experiences as an Autistic woman this time. Growing up undiagnosed, what that was like for her, dealing with a taught self-hatred in a mask that seems to have controlled her life.

I don't know. I like to live my life focusing more on what we CAN do about something instead of doubling down or getting stuck on what we can't. And I think others should, too.

Doubt she's reading this, but like... you've gotta make this right, Sia. Do better. Figure something else out. That's all.

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