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artsybelle1015 · 1 year

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Suicidal in Twisted Wonderland

Grim found your calendar, and it all goes downhill from there.

Genre: Angst/Hurt Comfort

trigger warnings(!!!): the mc is SUICIDAL, talks of suicide and plans, heavy topics not for the faint of heart or odd mindset, spoilers only if you haven’t gotten that far into the game, reader uses they/them pronouns

•••

“[Y/N]?”

“Yes, Grim?”

“Why doesn’t your calendar go to next month or any month after that?” Grim scoffed. “I needed to put the tuna sales there to remind you.”

Ignoring his comment on tuna, your eyes widen. You had never expected him to bother looking at a calendar, especially yours since you usually filled it up with test dates. But as of lately, you had planned to take your own life by the end of the month, exhausted of dealing with this school and your inability to go home.

“Henchmen!” Grim hollered.

You shot up out of your seat, emotions swelling in you. Yes, you had planned this out for awhile, but being confronted by someone other thank yourself about your calendar sting a part of your heart. Without thinking, you ran to the door, tears welling in your eyes.

Panic ensued within Grim, he saw this unnatural reaction and leaped back, getting on all fours and hunching his back up. Heavy pants emerged from his mouth.

He had never seen you behave like before. In specific terms, he was worried and scared. You ran off to who knows where.

Getting back into shape, Grim rushed to the door, jumping repeatedly to pull the doorknob down.

“Stupid legs,” he uttered, coiling his body and springing up, catching the handle and weighing it down.

Finally, now the door was open he ran out in search of you.

Grim felt terrified, you ran off wordlessly. Although he doesn’t like to admit, he cares about you, and he doesn’t want you getting hurt.

Having no sense of which way you went, he first ran onto the campus because that’s where you two frequented most. He wondered if you went to Heartslabuyl since you’re closest to Ace and Deuce, and without thinking much further he bolted to the Mirror Chamber,

Whilst he ran and entered, he wondered why some stupid incomplete calendar made you react this way. Or was it something he said?

“Grim!” called a confused voice, the voice belonging to Ace. “The hell are you doing here?”

Followed behind was Deuce, both in dorm uniform as it was the weekend.

“My henchman is gone!” Grim hollered.

“Wait, what do you mean?” Deuce inquired, slowly and gently picking up Grim.

Taking a panicked breath, Grim exclaimed, “I showed them a calendar and they just ran off…”

“That’s odd,” Ace commented. “Why?”

“Well no matter, we have to act on this now!” Deuce declared, voice shaking. “We must do what it takes and find them!”

“Shit, how?” Ace inquired.

“Yeah they could be anywhere! And I want my henchman back!” Grim hollered, wiggling out of Deuce hold.

Deuce let Grim hop to the ground, standing up straight and proud, right hand over heart. “I know just the guy.”

___

Pathetic. You were pathetic, sitting in the woods sobbing on the ground.

You thought you hid yourself well, but Grim has to snoop through your calendar, revealing that you wouldn’t make it past next month.

It was so tiring, you were so tired, you had been there for everyone, but who had been there for you? No one, that’s who. Ever since coming to Twisted Wonderland, you had been thrusted into dangerous situation without warning, hurt way too many times to count, and Crowley is abusing your desperate state. You were so sick of it, you loved your friends so much, but you know they would never understand your pain. The overblots you faced has scarred you.

Even so, a part of you knew Grim didn’t understand what the calendar meant, he was simply confused and asking why. Oh God, you thought. How would he live without you?

That was the reason you broke down, you didn’t want to face people about your problems. You only kept it deep down and inside, maybe if you had talked to people they would recognize your pain. They’re all eighteen or younger, it’s unfair to expect them to know so much. Now it felt humiliating to go back.

“Child of man?” a voice spoke.

You whipped your head over to see the friend you called Hornton. Normally he stayed around the house, why was he so deep in the woods?

He seated himself next to you, staring at you, he looked concern. “What troubles you?” he inquired.

The setting sun and shadows of the tree swallowed his face, but his eyes shone. They reflected hints of yellow and pink as they bored into you

Tears walled up more in your eyes, so you looked down in the ground in shame. The grass was your best friend now, the only thing that wouldn’t look at your in judgment.

You were a horrible friend, making Grim and possibly now Ace and Deuce worried, running off out of nowhere. You should have sucked up the feelings and lied out of your teeth, it would’ve been for the better and you wouldn’t have to be here.

Hornton just kept staring though, making you want to cry even more. You decided to curl up and hide your face between your legs, in hopes he would leave.

But you could feel the eyes staring at you, intensely. He was still waiting an answer from you.

“It’s stupid,” you blurred out in a weak voice.

No, you didn’t want to die, that was dumb of you to think. You’re fine, it’s fine, you won’t leave them. Just hold on another few months, you could manage that, right?

“Is it?” he asked.

The question shocked you a bit, making you raise your head up and look straight at him, his facial expression seemed rather lost. Your eyes were bloodshot and wide, staring straight into his neon green ones. It wasn’t, if this has been anyone else you would’ve told them it’s okay.

He spoke again, “If it is what you can ‘stupid’ why are you crying a lot over it?”

Wiping your eyes, you looked away and chuckled a bit. “In your time of living, have you ever wished to be dead?”

“I feel that is natural to think.”

“No,” you uttered. “Like you really want to be dead so you planned it out.” It wasn’t a question anymore, you know that he most likely didn’t.

“Why do you wish to be dead?”

“I’m so exhausted all the time, and i’m not getting better. I already came into this world feeling horrible and it’s only gotten worse.” You looked back to your closest ally, the grass. “And I feel like no one cares.” It felt like you couldn’t control the words coming out, like they were itching a way to escape, all you needed was to tell someone even if you necessarily didn’t want to.

A soft sigh sounded, not of being upset, but it felt like it was empathetic. You faced him again and he slowly lifted his hand, rubbing the top of your head softly.

There was no time to question this sudden affection, you lunged towards him and tackled hug. Sobbing into his chest. His arms were so comforting it was unreal. He cared.

“I do not wish for you to die, child of man,” his voice softly rang. “So please, stay a little longer.” Though his pitch started to sound broken, like a part of him was hurting.

“I’m sorry!” you cried, grabbing at his blazer. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

He only rubbed your back and remained silent.

As your wails began to fade, he held you closer and spoke once again, “It is time for you to rest.”

Everything faded to a comforting black and silence.

___

It was a peaceful moment, you were content, you felt rested. It was a perfect state.

Now, it was time to awaken unfortunately.

You expected to wake up in the woods, but instead what awaited was the Ramschakle ceiling and the familiarly feeling of your bed.

Questions rang through your mind if you had dreamt it all, but was quickly shot down when Grim lunged at your chest whimpering.

“Henchman!” he choked. “Don’t leave me like that again!”

He curled up into you, nuzzling his face against yours which flabbergasted you. You never expected him to be so affectionate like this, much less care as a whole.

“Oh sevens, finally!” You looked over and saw Ace, his breath quick with panic.

Deuce came up too. “I’m so happy you were found.”

“It’s a good thing I remember your scent well,” called out Jack.

They were all in the room with you, they were waiting for you to wake up, they tried to find you.

“Why did you run off Prefect?” Ace questioned, leaning besides you. “Did Grim say something dumb?”

“I said I just asked about the calendar!” Grim hissed, standing in defense.

Right, the calendar, what started this mess. There was no dreaming this, it was time to face the truth, which caused you to cry once again and feel pathetic.

Grim jumped back into your stomach in surprise. Ace eyes widened in horror.

Deuce cleared his throat, though he sounded shaky. “Clearly there was something important on that calendar and we shouldn’t push them about this, it isn’t right!” he announced.

“I agree.” Jack nodded.

But you just brought your hands to your eyes and bawl every tear that held back against your waterline. It started with a dam having minor leakages, to full on breaking. You wanted to tell them everything.

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Ace mumbled, standing up. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

Before he could walk away, you grabbed his hand, holding it tightly that is showed you were begging him to stay. You looked at him, lip quivering, staring into his unmoving distressed yet confused face.

You had to tell them, they were your friends and they clearly cared. All eyes laid on you now.

“I was planning to kill myself next month!” you blurted out, heart stopping because of the silence. Now you were horrified you messed up. “That’s why… the calendar upset me, I cut the other months off because I didn’t want to plan anything to keep me alive.” You were about to pull the covers over yourself to hide again.

“Don’t leave me!” Grim howled, tears in his eyes, he jumped at you again, closer this time, pouring all his own tears out.

You quickly hugged him.

“You can’t die on us!” Ace retorted, but quickly he grabbed onto you and pulled you for a hug.

“Prefect we need you,” Deuce anxiously said, staring at you with pleading eyes.

Jack even stood up, rubbing the back of his head a bit. “Life wouldn’t be the same without you.”

“Yeah!” Ace was not tearing up too. “We’re all suppose to be a group, remember? We wouldn’t be here without you.”

“You helped us through so much…” Deuce looked to the ground in shame. “But we failed to help you! We’re horrible friends!”

Grim was staying desperately close despite Ace’s tugging. “Who will I have to feed me and wake up with me and go to class with me!”

“You’re important to our lives, [Y/N],” Ace muttered softly. Despite his personality, he can quite soft and comforting.

“I’m sorry,” you manage to utter. “I’m sorry that I’m also making you feel like horrible friends.” More shame and guilt rose into you.

Deuce ran over and answered, “No! We’re the ones who should be sorry!”

“I think we pushed you too much,” Jack exclaimed, sitting next to you on the bed.

“You took care of us,” Deuce whimpered, he also began to become a sad mess, “now let us care for you.”

“Yeah! You don’t need to buy me that tuna!” Grim whimpered. “I just don’t want you to leave me.

Although you spent way too long sobbing in their arms, you knew you had people who cared for you.

___

It remained an oddly peaceful night, it seemed everyone was on their best behaviors. Of course, that only lasted a short amount of time. Though, it was relieving since there was a sense of normalcy in that.

You looked out from the porch, staring at the closed off gate. The reason for your stares was thoughts of your friend rolled by. You wish he would come and visit soon, but that seems to be not the case.

Even so, you knew it had meant nothing personal about you, he did find himself in different places at different times.

You only wish to thank him for his comfort and the restful slumber.

Peeking back inside, you could see Grim on the kitchen table with a box of crayons. He resembled a little kid, he was making more months for the calendar that he declared you must live through since he’s working so hard to create it.

Everyone in there you had told you felt guilt over them going through all this, but they assured you they would rather know so you don’t hurt more.

Although, you still felt the same about your suicidal feelings, you at least had the comfort to know people knew how you felt and would stop you. You were loved, a fact that you would now have to start drilling into your head, and that was a reason to keep going.

•••

a/n: shockingly, i have not seen people play around with this concept and it was such an inspiring thing for me. it was also for some self indulgence, i may do it more in the future with other characters and optional crushes.

also i don’t know much about malleus so i’m going on gut instinct here sorry if he’s ooc!

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onlyhereforangst · 3 years

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WWR

Ok y’all if you thought 18x05 was long, you in for a trip. Get ready for lots of caps, lots of not PG-13, and lots of overanalysis. I hope this lives up to the hype since it took me forever and a day (literally almost every minute of the 20 minutes of scenes took practically an hour to breakdown, I have a problem I know). Anyways, let’s get sweaty under the cut because the day ain’t young no more 👇🏼

Their bickering in the car but Nick smiling the whole time is a huge married vibe but also he’s so happy she’s alive and will take any shit she gives him vibe and I’m here for it. Pluuuuus Ellie avoiding nicks question about the phone call 😭 he’s so freaking concerned for her (he’s been through his own version of PTSD), his voice drops all the teasing and he actually opens up a little bit - really wants to make sure she’s ok. He needs to be there for her and ugh poor Ellie, those walls are going back up after that hug- a momentary lapse in her usual self. She’s so far outside of her comfort zone talking about feelings and weaknesses and she immediately deflects. Nick respecting that deflection is also huge growth for him, knows it’s not ok to push through like a person like him would normally do and force her hand. He knows she needs space but also clearly ready to be that ear to listen or shoulder to cry on whenever she needs it.

His joke about notable mustaches only to be the butt of the joke about using the word notable later is hiiiiiilarious.

Her comment about Zillow 😂 um excuse me ellie you looking for houses and to settle down 👀 but then(!!) Nick pushes her down the stairs first when shots start, getting her out of harm’s way and putting himself in danger like he always does my heart 😩 like he’s still on the stairs by the time she’s in a cell “safe.” And side note damn they are good shots, oof.

The toilet bowl scene is easily one of my favorites. Nick freaking out over Ellie moving hers and him not being able to had me DYING. Like legit cackling over his worry she’s suddenly way stronger than him 🤣🤣 and then he gets SO pissed they took their car hahaha like so mad he hugs the damn wall in frustration. But then he claims he’ll rip out the bars of the window (you know, to make up for not being able to move his toilet and still prove he’s macho) and Ellie’s comment about superhuman strength & his agreement LOL. His anxiety level of being trapped and more so Ellie being trapped is getting to him already. He is reaching for any possible way to get them (read: her) out of there safely it doesn’t matter that the plan sounds outrageous. Cue him moving back to pissed and breaking the toilet with his damn foot like 🥵 we get you strong Nick but no need to show off. Hot damn. His “I really think we’re stuck in here” after that IDK why but had be laughing again. I’m pretty sure I said “no shit Sherlock” at my TV watching live because thank you Captain Obvious.

Aaaaaand then when she pauses and finds the bomb bricks but goes so quiet oooooof he’s on high alert. You can practically hear his heart pounding and then he goes and starts panicking slightly when she doesn’t respond with our first use of a first name, “Ellie we have a wall between us, what is it?” But his tone is so frantic and his eyes are darting around putting the whole picture together and my heart aches for him. He’s starting to realize just how helpless he is to save her. The exact thing he likely swore he’d set out to never let happen again (Ellie in danger) after last episode, is happening again. And this time, it’s not like he can go hunt the guys down, he’s quite literally stuck. Helpless with no way out. Aaand here’s where Nick starts to lose his patience. Pissed at himself for not saving her before, not being able to save her now. Pissed at everything. He cannot comprehend how she is in this situation AGAIN and he can do nothing. But oh lord, he doesn’t even realize it’s about to get worse...

Him brooding over this crappy situation in a corner and being the cautious one is so unlike him (but also so telling as to how unnerved he is by her being in danger once again and not wanting to do anything to make it worse) and Ellie calls him on being “so careful, cowboy” and hot damn again she really does like a man in uniform doesn’t she??? 👀🔥 and she not picky on the type of uniform either 😏 but Nick immediately deflects because he’s not *quite* ready to talk feelings so let’s get down to business about counting bullets BUT the second Ellie starts to worry again he goes into hyperdrive protective and caring boyfriend partner. Without hesitation he tells her they’re going to figure it out because goddamnit he HAS to figure this out for her. He can’t fail, again. And he’s so so SO worried about her & her mental health right now and I sincerely love it. I know Ellie doesn’t want to have that conversation but I stan (I can’t believe I’m using that word, I’m not hip enough for that word) an empathetic boyfriend who supports their significant other when facing mental health issues (like PTSD in Ellie’s case) ❤️❤️❤️ Nick breaks my heart, he wants to be there for her- wants to be the one she feels comfortable enough to open up to and he just gets so dejected when she rejects his probing again (but I don’t blame her, it’s *hard* to open up about these difficult topics), his body language slumped over the bars and tone is just so defeated even if he tries to snap back into his usual Torres self (newsflash it ain’t working bruv because she’s not totally wrong in calling you hovery). Yet naturally he gets annoyed because he JUST CARES ELLIE DAMMIT LET HIM CARE. Like you go through this entire list of him trying to protect you from everything that could go wrong because HE CARES. HE WAS TERRIFIED HE LOST YOU ELLIE. HE TRULY THOUGHT HE’D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN. NEVER TOUCH YOU AGAIN. NEVER TELL YOU HE LOVES YOU. HE CARES. AND HE CANT LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOU AGAIN. HE LITERALLY WANTS TO SAVE YOU (his own words because god damn this show plays with my emotions 😭😭) FROM ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING BECAUSE HE COULDN’T SAVE YOU FROM GETTING KIDNAPPED AND HAVING TO FIGHT YOUR WAY OUT OF A PLANE RIGGED TO BLOW. Ok done with yelling for now but man this part gets me. The implications are so important even over trivial stuff. He felt helpless and Nick Torres cannot do helpless, so he tries do to everything else in his power to keep her away from any danger no matter how little it seems. Even hot coffee is too much for his precious babe and while he knows she’s not some delicate, fragile flower- he knows she can hold her own (& has called her a badass as proof), his heart can’t possibly take another explosion on an airstrip. Even if that airstrip is something like a burnt tongue. Ok I die now 😩😩😩

But let’s come back to living because this bullshit Nick “I always tell you what’s going on with me...you ask I tell you” exCUSE ME. Is this the same man who claimed he was being overprotective and that Ellie was like a sister to him?!???!! Yeah, I call bullSHIT that you tell Ellie what’s going on with you. (And Ellie calls BS too, btw buddy).

But when Ellie finally decides to open a little I love it. I think she finally understood at least just a bit that he just, simply cares about her & her well-being. So she gives him a tiny taste of what she’s going through. And god Nick’s face when he understands the gravity of what she’s having to face mentally. Like I know he knew but I don’t think he knew just how bad. And you can just see that hatred towards his perceived failure turning inward once again as the mood shifts in these cells to somber. Plus Ellies last comment here with them *needing* to find a way out of there- girrrrrrrl poor baby girl 😭 she’s struggling so hard right now and trying so hard to not let it show and not let it get to her but you know she’s terrified. You know she’s desperately triggered. UGH Ellie 💔💔

We cut to Ellie desperately trying to figure out a solution to getting the fuck outta there and once again my heart aches for her triggered self. Nick seems desolate and frustrated, shutting down slowly as it seems less and less likely they’ll get out. Buuuuut then the GUM. Ahahahahahah Ellieeeeeee how do you know about that last piece of gum for “breath emergencies”??? AHHHH this man’s jeans are so damn tight (& yes trust me I would know, I observe) but like also you staring at a spot on said tight jeans that’s only maybe five inches from a different outline 👀👀👀 GIRL I FEEL YOUUUU. GET. IT. Plus she knows exactly what he calls it and I freaking love that. His excuse for why he has to save it is also hilarious 🤣 his breath emergency later hmmm doubt you wanted to save it to MacGyver something Nick sooooo you got another thing in mind?? 😏 and then LMAO it’s mushy because his pants are sweaty I’m rolllllling. Your pants too tight Nick? (this is not humanly possible btw) ALSO is this why later Ellie says she expected Nick to be more sweaty??? If it is and now rewatching I kind of feel like it is, omg what a great callback on her part 🤣🤣

Nick trying to coach her on the proper way of opening the cell door is hilarious because bitch which one of you was able to move their toilet Nick 👀😂 but oh damn now it’s when shit goes downhill fast.

Nick not being able to see anything and his frantic questioning is amazing compared to Ellies absolute panic realizing she is once again facing down a bomb. I feel like her calming breaths are a coping technique Jack has been helping her with but man kill me now, Nick’s face?? When he realizes what he thought was helplessness earlier has just shot yo exponentially??? Oof with a capital O. This poor man needs a damn drink and yet all he can have is a club soda boy I *feel you* on that (side note #letsgetthisbabyoutmybellyasap). His woman has gone and gotten herself into another bomb encounter for the second time in a week. And he CANT DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT. Can you imagine the absolute inner (and outer, give it a sec) freak out he’s having?? He wants to save her from hot coffee for Christ’s sake and now he can’t save her from a rigged bomb. Talk about a shitty situation.

I just love the Torres Teachable Moment little discussion. Like Nick’s smirk gets me. I really don’t think he knew she had a name for it or realized that she caught on to what he was doing (trying to help her grow as an agent without being obvious or “degrading”). And then we move on to comparing arm length and I crack up 😂 “my arms are longer than yours” and “no they’re disproportionately short for your body” HAHAHA like what the hell have you guys been doing to know this?? Do you stand *that* close together with your arms down to know their lengths comparatively and how much do you stare at Nick, Ellie? Daaaaaaamn. From his gum to his arms to his body I see you 👀 I’m not hating tho I would too 😏 I think what I loved most about this whole jail scene (aside the ending obvs) is the quick flipping back and forth from joking & teasing to dead serious & worried. Like they’re both trying so hard to keep it above board and light- trying desperately not to think of the implications of what’s happening but then (usually Nick) those intrusive thoughts sneak through and he can’t help but redirect them back to serious. It shows their inner warrings with themselves and just how hard this is for both of them. How much they want to appear strong and unflappable but they both know deep down the whole situation is eating away at them. And Nick bringing up her standing on a bomb only moments before he tells her he’s going to shoot the wall- OOF. Ellie’s genuine terror for him injuring himself and her then not being able to do a damn thing about it because she’s standing on a FREAKING BOMB is so painful to watch. Like she’s stuttering she can’t get it out fast enough, she needs to stop him, she can’t fathom him getting hurt while she’s helpless (uh, hello there theme of the episode how have you been). Nick’s facial expressions through this scene are also so telling. He goes from “this isn’t a big deal” to “oh shit she’s panicking” to “holy shit is she going to open up, is she really talking about this” to “fuck it’s my fault she had to go through that and it’s tearing me up inside every second” to “hooooooly fuck is she about to say what I think she’s about to say?? Is she about to confirm what I know deep inside but am too afraid to say aloud?? Is it true??” And ELLIE OH ELLIE. Reliving that *has* to be hard, has to. To finally bring it up after she’s been dodging it all damn day...you know the thought of him getting seriously injured had her more than rattled. And she cracks open those cement walls around her heart so briefly, the glimpse in it provides I think a turning point for Nick. Finally seeing that it’s not just him, she’s in deep too. Even if she can’t say it, can’t say she was fighting to see him again 😩💔 he knows. She says he only has one bullet left and to save it and they’ll figure some other way with tears in her eyes my HEART. But Nick gets it. Nick gets it because he’s been in the exact same situation. His eyes as they process the implication of her words and the fear for his life running through them 🥺 his simple “ok” is so unlike his normal self, you just know he’s once again doing anything and everything he can for. Even if that means standing down and not fighting for his way (the natural instinct for him). He knows what she needs is reassurance he won’t accidentally shoot himself. So he does it 😭 But him pacing (as a man of action suddenly faced with forced inaction) & Ellie begging for an inventory over and over (a woman of logics and data faced with PTSD) is so painful. You can tell they’re both struggling and neither wants to admit it but also they both need to do something - for Nick that becomes finally deciding to shoot a foothold in the wall and for Ellie that meant trying to go over their facts again and again but suddenly she’s once again terrified Nick is going to injure himself. The one man she fought to see again might hurt or even kill himself and she can’t do a damn thing because she’s standing on a bomb for fuck’s sake. Aaaaaaand cue the blow up. Cue Nick voicing his worst fears of Ellie accidentally triggering the bomb. Cue Ellie getting defensive because she’s so damn used to be babied and treated like she can’t take care of herself. Cue the “overprotective hovery man crap” line that had me rolling on the floor (tbt ROFL). Cue Ellie calling herself a girl but Nick calling her a woman like DAMN get me where it hurts Nick- that right there is a man who respects the living hell out of this fiiiiiiine representation of a woman in front of him 🔥. Cue Ellie saying because I’m “me” like um FUCK YES IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE YOU AND HE’S TOO SCARED OF LOSING YOU ELLIE. Cue Nick finally losing his shit and getting reeeeeealllllllll like hallelujah do you hear the church bells?! Even Ellie knows to finally pause and listen. Nick never loses it on her, never. She knows this shift is serious and it’s happening. And omg his confession can I just have a moment of silence for the GROWTH.

Thank you, it needed commemorating. The same Nick who didn’t belong to a team is the Nick that is out here claiming he can’t sit idly by while the love of his life might get blown up again. He’s NOT OKAY WITH THAT AND NEITHER AM I. NOT AFTER THIS GODDAMN SCENE. His head bob accentuating just- how- important this is to him is so in character (thank you Wilmer) and theeeeeeen shoot me the way he has to fucking collect himself from almost crying. The emotion- there just aren’t words. Literally he has to look up to the sky and blink back those tears you know are threatening to fall at the thought of the woman who he still *technically* hasn’t told that he loves her could potentially die, again, for the second time in a week. So guess the hell what? He’s telling her (sort of). He’s telling her he would do anything, anything, put himself in danger’s way if it meant there was even the tiniest chance it would save her. Pardon the callback but- HE WOULD RISK HIS LIFE TO SAVE HERS. DON’T YOU REMEMBER ELLIE. YOU SAID I KNOW. DO YOU KNOW NOW. DO YOU. BECAUSE GOOD LORD CAN YOU MARRY THIS MAN ALREADY BEFORE I DIVORCE MY HUSBAND AND DO IT (jk love you honey 😘). But like damn, she knows it now. That look- she bites her lip and has tears in her own eyes at the realness she can feel even through a cement block wall. It’s a feeling she’s not used to. She isn’t used to being a person someone would literally risk death for. She doesn’t think she deserves it (sip on that like whiskey, mull it over, let it sink in & cry about it). Even if she knows she doesn’t need saving (and so does Nick), she finally realizes it isn’t about that. It isn’t about he feels like she can’t do it. It’s about the overwhelming pull that your life isn’t greater than the one you love. That love, real true love, is knowing you would do anything for that other person (and they the same) because the world would be worse off without them in it. And Nick will never be okay with a world without Ellie. Never. Their joint quiet after his confession is so powerful. There’s no claims of falsehood, there’s no trying to quip back at him, there’s no trying to stop him. It just settles into the room- into their hearts. They’ve crossed a line and it means so, so much. Nick can feel a weight lifted off his shoulders as he loads his gun and gets ready and Ellie can feel a weight settle on hers from the need to reciprocate. And not out of pity, it would be out of truth. But she knows it isn’t the right time. She knows she has to do it, and she will. She held back earlier when she couldn’t say she was fighting for Nick, but his outburst and confession gave her the courage in this scene. She finally has confirmation she means to him like he means to her. And she has to know, she has to know if he means it or if it was heat of the moment so when the dust settles she inquires, “what’s going on over there?” A pulse check. A way of asking without asking—did you mean that? And the shock of confirmation of her face as Nick, dead as a doornail serious says, “close calls make you live harder”….holy hell. That’s the moment it snaps for her, everything snaps into place—the agony he’s gone through not only this week, but the past couple years of close calls. He’s done beating around the bush, he’s living harder, he’s going all in, he’s getting what he wants. He refuses to let anything like a damn jail cell rigged to blow stand in his way. And she knows, she knows just how important she is to him. He might not have said those three words, but that phrase- that phrase was a direct window into Nick Torres’ soul. And by god I love it.

But Nick pulling a prank on Ellie like that is also so Nick- the little shit. The genuine concern in her voice when she yells his name 😭 like dude, her worst fear, something causing ongoing trauma in her head right now is the ONE THING you decide to tease her with??? I should expect nothing less but damn that’s low 😂 her checking on his status update with Gibbs though feels like such a role reversal from earlier and it cracks me up, side note.

When they’re getting ready to stand down the returning brother and Nick gets in position next to the wall but can’t even look ahead- he’s just staring at Ellie, oof. In that moment he’s brutally and painfully aware she can’t hide for cover. Not only can she not hide, he can’t cover her because he’s (locked in a cell but also) out of bullets. He’s once again near helpless and the woman he loves (and has now finally kind of told) is a sitting duck. Someone get this poor man a damn club soda, I repeat.

And the little talk between the two parties- I love that Ellie takes point. Love that Nick lets her. Like damn that’s a supportive partner right there and I 👏🏼 AM 👏🏼 HERE 👏🏼 FOR 👏🏼 IT. He knows she can handle this shit and he will willingly let her. But nooooooowwwww weee gettinggggg to the goooooood paaaaaaart.

Ok first, “good to see you” - this man has missed her face. Straight up dying to see her in the flesh. Just listening to her voice and not seeing the emotions written on her face is not enough. Seeing her alive, smiling at him, he needed it. But of course, let’s keep it light, act natural Nicholas.

“I thought you’d be sweatier” - excUUUUSE ME ELLIE. Not only did you just call out his reference to his sweaty jeans earlier, you also WANT TO SEE HIM SWEATY DON’T YOU. THAT SMIRK SAYS YES DON’T LIE. And honestly, I don’t blame you shhhhh.

“The day is young” - can I get another excUUUUSE ME NICK. Words- they don’t- function. Because that knowing smile of hers- SHE’S OKAY WITH IT. GET YOUR MIND OUT THE GUTTER YOU TWO THERE’S A HOMICIDAL MAN UPSTAIRS. YOU’VE GOT TIME TO GET SWEATY TOGETHER TONIGHT YOU HEAR ME. THAT DAY IS YOUNG AND SO ARE YOU SO GET THOSE BRICKS AND THEN YOU CAN GET TO BANGING LATER. I just fucking can’t with their smirks. I can’t. This isn’t the normal banter, this is the fuck me banter and I’m okay with it. Because right after the I-wanna-get-in-your-sweaty-jeans banter we have Ellie putting her HAND ON HIS GD HIP AS HE PASSES ONLY TO MOVE UP TO BOTH SHOULDERS. AND THEEEEEEEN HOLY HELL SOMEONE LIGHT A MATCH BECAUSE THIS BITCH ABOUT TO EXPLODE FROM SEXUAL TENSION. Is it possible to rewatch this scene a thousand times in slo-mo and still not have watched it enough? Because that is me. That will always be me. How are they so in tandem, so in sync as they look up mere inches from each other- directly into the other’s eyes knowing exactly how serious this situation is and yet pausing to freaking gaze longingly (read: have eye sex) at each other. And I’m sorry Nick looks down at her lips like three times??? For a good while too?? Sir nothing you said required you to look there. nothing. And also there’s no way his hands aren’t on her I thiiiiiiink they’re on her upper arms (based on the last shot as he’s walking to get the bricks) but like hold her tight Nick please. Also while Ellie doesn’t look at his lips (in this scene) holy shit those are some come-hither eyes if I’ve ever seen them. “I’m sure” ABOUT YOU. SHE’S SURE ABOUT YOU NICK. SHE’S SURE SHE’S READY TO GET SWEATY WITH YOU NICK. Like literally, this girl had been leaning up against the cement wall for a looooong time before he has to pass her and now, NOW that Nick has to pass her- SHE STANDS UP TALL. TO GIVE HIM NO SPACE. WHILE SHE’S STANDING ON A BOMB. BITCH YOU WANTED IT. That was a damn power move Ellie and I am not mad about it. She so easily could have leaned back, given him a ton of space to get around, but nooooooo she stands right there, middle of the tight opening and says yes Nick come get 1mm from my face, touch me here, touch me there, touch me everywhere don’t care 👀 while you pass. I’m sure I’m okay with it because you’ve just eye fucked me and it’s exactly what I wanted. And I mean come oooooooon just the underlying emotion behind both of their words. Nick isn’t just asking if she won’t move her foot- it’s his way of asking if she’s ok and she looks SO much better, more relaxed now that he’s with her. The tense, anxiety-ridden Ellie that was asking for inventory or snapping about him being overprotective, is now at ease despite still standing on said bomb- all because Nick is right there with her and if that doesn’t make you 🥺😭 I don’t know what will. Like she can’t even take her eyes off of him even after rude brother interrupts this gold moment of theirs until Nick has already completely turned his head towards the dude. She’s just so relieved to see him standing there, so close to her, feeling his warmth underneath her hands again.

Side note to prove my earlier point, when Nick casually reaches through to throw the bags of bricks through the door Ellie is leaning on the wall and THERE’S SO MUCH ROOM. HE COULD HAVE EASILY PASSED.

Nick looks like he literally wants to murder the guy, enraged that he’s the one who put Ellie in this situation again. We would’ve seen swan!Nick if it wasn’t for Ellie choosing this moment to finally share her feelings. Because remember- she’d decided she was going to reciprocate but knew it wouldn’t come off the right way before. Now’s the time. Now when the immediate threat to their lives is gone (excluding bomb of course). Now when they’re alone, they’re together, and she can look him in the eye so he knows she’s serious. He can read the truth in her eyes rather than doubt her words said across a jail cell wall.

“This isn’t about me, it’s about you” - well damn that got your attention didn’t it Nick??? So used to putting Ellie first, putting yourself second its weird to hear it come from someone else isn’t it? That someone is worried for your safety? That someone needs you living and breathing just as much as you need them doing the same? His eyes immediately change from Imma kill this man to did I just hear this woman right.

“I’m not okay with you getting blown up either” - first off, the parallelism is what makes this absolute *chef’s kiss* because Nick has literally zero chance of being blown up if he runs after this dude. Shot? Yes. But blown up? No. Ellie has chosen these words precisely to call back to what Nick said earlier. To make sure he’s aware she understood the weight of his earlier confession and is making the same one. They are on equal footing- their feelings are not only reciprocated but just as strong as the other. She could’ve said anything else but choosing his exact words was so poignant in the moment. It’s like the difference between saying “I love you” & “I love you too” compared to “I love you” & “I really care about you.” And the way she says it with such confidence, she isn’t playing around, she didn’t even *have* to bring up their previous conversation, she’s got determination etched across her face with a ghost of a smile on her lips. She means this, and it’s dying to bust out of her. And so the shock to Nick’s system is quite frankly understandable. This is Ellie - someone who hours ago didn’t even want to tell him who she was trying to make a phone call to. Ellie who has walls the size of Mt. Everest erected around her heart. Ellie who could have brushed off his earlier comments said from the safety of a cement wall between them. But no. This Ellie is all-in, she’s ready to own up to her side. She’s ready to lay it on the line just like him. Equal footing. If Nick is ready to jump, then so is she. And he’s just so taken aback- glancing at her lips, blinking through the shock as he processes. Processes the weight of her words on their relationship. He knows he could laugh it off, make a joke about his superhuman strength not allowing him to get blown up, or he could man up and take them both forward. Ellie doesn’t even flinch under his stare, if anything she becomes more confident, more resolute in her words and her stance. Her eyes searching his for what his reaction will be and for a brief moment I swear there’s a tiny bit of worry, a tiny bit of unease that he wasn’t ready for her to repeat his words back to him.

“Well, what are we gonna do about that?” Oh YOU HEARD. That smirrrrrrrrk Nicholas stop iiiiiit, Eleanor’s standing on a bomb you don’t need to light her on fire!! Because this is a challenge, a goddamn challenge. Staring straight into her soul saying, “oh you want me and I want you? How about we blow this popsicle stand and go get fucking sweaty ok? Because that’s what I want to do about that 👀🔥🔥🔥” and not only is the smirk sexy as hell but it’s also got this glint of elation. Like he could not be happier she said those words back to him. That he finally took Ziva’s advice, wasn’t a wuss and WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT IT PAID OFF. But his words also tell of a little nervousness. And not necessarily in a bad way, more as in a leaving it to her way. Putting her in the driver’s seat of this relationship knowing it’s where she’ll feel most comfortable. Given all she’s been through, like all of it not just the past week, he knows that she needs to be in control of how fast they move. And once again his chivalry and thoughtfulness of her is just- I cry. He doesn’t just assault her with what they should do next, he leaves it for her to decide. For her to weigh in on how far and how fast she wants to take them. And by the little shy smile Ellie gives him- she knows what he means. She knows her words have hit their mark and that he respects her enough to let her lead the way. And now she has to make her decision, a decision we DON’T GET TO SEE BUT I’M NOT BITTER IT’S FINE. But a decision nonetheless.

I honestly go two ways on this- the most obvious of hell yes they kissed right then and there and started *something* and then the bitter realistic one of they were probably interrupted by Gibbs (who was literally outside like right then based on timing) but also may have just continued to stare into each other’s eyes- still slightly taken aback by everything they just shared and what it means for them. Still unsure of how they “work” as people who *love* each other, not just partners. Having that reality sink in as they continue to face off and wait for a rescuer. That reality sinking in could lead to obviously very good things (that we better see on our screen or I will fucking riot) or a slight nervous closing-off. Like not quite closed off closed off, but a tiny retreat when the gravity of the day falls down on both of them. I don’t think either will believe they only said what they did because of the situation/moment they were in, but it’s still a lot to deal with after all is said and done. I sincerely hope they unpack this in the coming episodes and give us some direction of what happened after that jail cell scene.

I love the Torres told McGee about what happened today and I’m so curious about how much detail he told him lol but I also love that McGee has now received genuinely good advice from Torres twice now (the one about the reunion and now this). Just goes to show you the brotherly bond they have ❤️ but also that the advice was the same advice he literally lived out that day. Close calls make you live harder, almost as an affirmation to himself (Nick about what happened), but as something he knew McGee needed to hear too- they all do.

And then this bullpen scene - one, how far of a time jump is this and whyyyyyyy won’t they telllll meeeeee. They hate me. Two, Ellie coming over so close just to hand off a file that he doesn’t even look at 👀 three, THEIR SMIRKS. WHAT DO THEY MEAN. Because Nick is holding back the world’s biggest smile as Ellie gets close to him and Ellie is just all nonchalantly checking him out with a brief eye-sex scene. Like damn this fine man doesn’t want me to blow up and I don’t want him to blow up either 🔥 Now does this mean they absolutely got together and did the nasty after they got out of that cell? Of course not. We can only dream, and write fics. This ending scene is very reminiscent of what NCIS loves to do with their power of open-ended persuasion at the end of an ep, see On Fire for example. The ending music and comments combined with the shot of Gibbs leaving in the elevator is literally there to try and persuade you that he killed Xavier. In this ep, the ending music and voiceover combined with their looks at each other is there to try and persuade you they totally got it oooooon. Not to say they didn’t, but I don’t trust NCIS one damn bit.

All in all, cannot *wait* to see where they take ellick the rest of the season. Emily hyped this ep and man, she did NOT disappoint. Let’s see that shift that is going to ripple for the rest of the season now like Wilmer promised 🤞🏼

Oh and my only side note because this was insanely insanely long and if you’re still reading I’m proud of you for hanging in there with me & my screams into the void, send me an ask screaming back it’s ok I’ll love you for it—waaaas the whole team poking fun at Torres for using the word notable was downright hilarious. That and Gibbs trying to do everything himself, I can’t. Comedic gold. I love. I would go from dying of laughter to intense emotions so fast in this ep I got whiplash and for that, I am thankful to Gina. She always delivers 🔥

#ellick #WWR #ncis #lol this is literally a total of 6k words #what is wrong with me #don't answer that #hope y'all who stick with it enjoy 😘#18x06

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wendystales · 3 years

Text

Memories - lrh (Chapter Seventeen)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Sixteen ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ Chapter Eighteen

Marnie pov.

I don't know if it was hangover or guilt, but my head was weighing a ton the morning after the party. Unlike everyone, I didn't wake up in a good mood, in fact I was pretty quiet at breakfast. Lucky for me, no one suspected anything, as the hangover gripped everyone there.

As yesterday was still Saturday and most had to work, I didn't have to run away from anyone. Since my plan had been in action since Monday, I took the day off to start packing up some things, trying to get everything as ready as possible.

For today, I had left only the final adjustments, like packing my suitcase and getting ready for my conversation with Luke.

The pain in my throat becomes more and more unbearable every time I hold back the cry. I fold up one of the band sweatshirts I have, watching the boys' faces, wanting to reinforce why I'm doing this.

I run my finger over Luke's face, as if I'm touching him. Friday's flashes flood my mind and I scold myself for nearly screwing it up out of sheer desire. Of course I wanted it as much as he did. Feel his touch, the desire and love he manages to emanate so naturally. I don't think I've ever felt so alive and so amazing in anyone's arms as in his, but it couldn't happen.

The doorbell snaps me out of my thoughts. I hurry downstairs, thinking it's Martin with the paperwork.

“Noah?" I give my friend room to enter. "Aren't you supposed to be at that lunch?" I check my watch and check the time, 1:37 PM. “Noah?” I call him, wondering at his frown.

"I wanted to come talk to you directly so we don't have any misunderstandings and to see if that way I can understand what this should mean." he hands me a folder. I open it quickly feeling my blood pressure drop. It was the paperwork I was waiting for. "What's this about moving to New York?"

"How did this get to you?" I try to control my breathing and head into the living room, feeling the urge to sit down. I start to think of a million excuses and ways not to have this conversation since it wasn't part of my plan.

“In case you also forgot, I work at the company. I am the owner's son and above that I am your advisor, everything that happens to you must pass through me at some point. Now tell me what this story is." I don't think I've ever seen Noah this angry.

“I received a job offer and decided to accept.” I know my voice has cracked, but I pray he doesn't notice. Noah stares at me for a few seconds with a more confused and displeased expression.

“I've known you for two years. You're going to have to try harder if you want to deceive me. Marnie, you just signed a rehearsal contract here in LA. If you got a proposal, you would know from me. Does this have to do with the fact that you're weird these days? What? Did you go without saying anything to anyone? That's it?” I remain silent, feeling everything go downhill from there. Slowly, a fury starts to build inside me. “Marnie, what's going on?”

It's not just the countless times I've heard this question throughout the week. I believe it's because I'm not in control of anything right now. About me being forced to do all this, not being able to tell my friend what's going on. All of this makes the question so much bigger and deeper than it really is. And it makes the fury that's brewing inside me grow.

“My God! Nothing! It's not happening anything. What a bag!” the scream breaks my mouth, coming out louder and angrier than I expected. “I am fine! When are you going to understand this?” he doesn't seem to be frightened by my scream, just standing there with his arms crossed and expressionless.

"Maybe when you stop lying and tell me what's going on?" he makes fun of me. A cynical laugh comes out of me as I go to open the door and ask him to leave my apartment. “You weren't like that, Marnie." I get irritated again. I can't explain where so much anger comes from, let alone contain it.

“Surprise, Noah, I'm like that. This is Marnie and always has been. Now if you don't like her, I can't do anything. Your ‘Marnie’ is gone and it's just me. And I'm going to New York whether you like it or not.” along with the anger, I feel like crying, but once again, I hold back with all my strength.

Noah nodded thoughtfully. I know it's a scene, that he's going to attack me again, he's just choosing his words.

“Then that's it? You mess it up, make everyone believe that everything is fine, and leave without warning. Is that what you're going to do?” the judgmental look bothers me.

"I didn't mess anything up."

“No?” he laughs falsely. "I don't say for myself or for the girls, but haven't you been giving a certain someone hope, making him believe you could get back together? And now you're going to go away and let him suffer without caring?” he raises his eyebrows.

I suck in the air harder, making it burn. The fire burns stronger inside me. The desire at the moment is to break everything.

“Do not do it.” my voice breaks. I close my eyes, pulling myself together. “Do not do it! Don't think I'm not suffering from having to make this decision either.” I can't hold back the tears, not caring about them anymore either.

“You're? Cuz it doesn't look like.” I close my hands, squeezing them tightly. I try to control the urge to scream, scream in hate, in anger, in pain and most of all, scream that he is being unfair to me.

“Of course I'm suffering.” once again I scream. "Do you think not?! Look at me! Do you think it doesn't hurt me to have to do all this?! Leave him here like this and not be able to do anything?! Of course it hurts. Why do you think I'm doing all this?! Because I love him! I love more than one day I thought it was possible to love someone. I'm doing it for him. But there's no easy way to do this, I don't have a choice.”

“Everyone has a choice, Marnie, you're just choosing the one you find easiest.”

"Does this sound easy to you?" I interrupt him, opening my arms, showing me. I dry my tears exhausted. “I made my choice and I appreciate if you respect. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish packing my bags.” I open the door for him.

My friend doesn't say anything else, just heads towards the door.

“Feel free to share my plan with the others.” I say tough.

“No! I will not do that. You made your decision, you did the shit and now deal with it.” Noah doesn't even wait for the elevator, taking the stairs.

I slam the door, feeling that anger still burn inside me. I rest my eyes on the wall where my photo is. I go to it, pulling out the wallpaper, tearing off part of the image. I'm not mad at Noah, I'm mad at myself, at the way it all went and where I went.

If I weren't a model, I could be living my life without any problems. Luke would still be the guy in the band I only knew one song about. I would be happy and free from all that pressure.

Still needing to release that anger, I grabbed the flower pots near the door, throwing what was left of my image against. My throat hurts from sobs and my heart clenches when that feeling arises.

““Wait, there's an eyelash.” I say to Luke, trying to catch it. “OK! Make a wish.” I lift my little finger at him.

He was about to take the stage at the Capital Summertime Ball. Luke stares at my finger thoughtfully and smiles, apparently determined.

“Be my girlfriend?” he sounds curious. I stare at his amused face, making sure he's kidding me.

“I'm serious.” I push his shoulder with another hand. I gasp when I see Luke kneel down with the guitar.

“Me too.” he shrugs. I start to laugh nervously, covering my face but careful not to lose my eyelash. I can hear the muffled laughter of the boys beside us, just wanting to hit each one of them.

“You need to blow to see if your wish comes true.” I say, already knowing my answer and I suspect he does too. Luke stands up blowing his flying eyelash.

"Boys, it's you, come in." a production guy yells, already pushing Ashton onto the stage, who is followed by Calum.

Quickly, I grab Luke's face, like I always did before he took the stage.

“Yes!” I give him a peck, watching him smile. Luke hugs me, stealing another kiss, running up onto the stage happily.

“This was definitely the cutest, most improvised request I've ever seen.” I open an even bigger smile, hearing Ryan beside me. I lay my head on his shoulder, swallowing the happy cry I wanted to let out.””

I don't know how long I sat staring at my torn photo, with a horrible pain in my chest. I hug my knees like the coward I am, not wanting to accept that the time has come.

Luke pov.

I jot down one more note in the melody I'm creating. The idea came up in the morning and if I didn't work on it now, I would forget. I go back to playing the piano following the sequence, when the bell interrupts me.

Petunia doesn't even make an effort to get up, remaining on the couch, snoring.

I open the door feeling my heart race. Marnie was standing there with a serious expression. I conclude that she came to tell me what was going on and I am relieved that I will finally understand what is happening.

“Can we talk?" I'm surprised by the hard look.

I make room for her, who goes straight to the living room, standing in the middle. I let a weak smile emerge, remembering all the times she's done this. I stop a little away, giving space, because I know how important this is to her at these times.

"I believe you came to tell me what's going on." I keep my hands in my pants pockets. M&Ms nodded.

"I came to break whatever we have." I don't know how to react. In fact, I'm not sure I got it right. “Look I tried, I really tried, but…”

“I'm sorry, what?”

For a second, I wonder how I got back to two years ago, where we had these fights almost daily. Where we were too dumb to want to accept. If it weren't for the pink hair, I would be convinced that it would be 2018 again.

“I tried to feel something for you, but I couldn't. And there's nothing I can do.”

I stare at Marnie, confused. I replay the past few weeks in my mind, all our moments together, and I can't believe a single word she says. I know everything was real. Every smile and laugh, every flushed cheek, every look and especially every kiss. Come back to Friday. How can she say there was nothing there?

“You gotta be kidding me. After all we've been through this month, do you have the courage to try to say you didn't feel anything?” my tone rises.

It doesn't make any sense. Her speech, her request not to forget that she likes me and today this? The pieces don't come together.

“Sorry. But I can't go on with this anymore.” I can see your gaze looking around the room. She's lying, why is she lying? For me on top.

“Why are you doing this?” Marnie looks at me confused.

"Because I'm tired of carrying this…”

“No! Why are you lying to me?” her eyes roll. I get close enough to be able to hear and notice her breathing.

"I have no reason to lie to you. If you can't accept that a girl doesn't like you, that's your business.” she passes me at the mention of leaving. But I hold your arm.

"So Friday was my hallucination? The two of us in the bedroom. You on my lap. All that desire and lust, was it a dream of mine?” your pupils dilate.

I can see she's thinking right now, can feel her pulse increase. She felt something, all this time, she felt something. I don't know if it's that insecurity from the beginning, the fear of getting involved, of getting hurt that always kept her away from me. The fear that I would be like him.

“I drank a lot.” her voice breaks the silence. I let go, covering my face, laughing indignantly.

“Oh my God, Marnie, why are you doing this? It's clear you're lying to me. Tell me what's going on. Is someone blackmailing you? Threatening you? Is it Stephen? Did he mess with you again?”

“There's nothing going on, Luke. I just don't love you.” she says with her head down.

The sentence cuts through me, causing agonizing pain. I feel my body retract. Your voice comes back in my mind in different tones and shapes, telling me every time you loved me. Whispering, screaming, in normal tones, even the day she swallowed helium gas.

My eyes burn. I don't want to cry in front of her, not out of shame, because I've cried a million times, but out of pride in not accepting that I'm hurt.

“I didn't want to go that far.” her restrained voice hovers over me.

I look at Marnie, not recognizing her. This is not the girl I fell in love with. The girl I spent nights awake just imagining what it would be like to go out with her, what it would be like to hold her hand and see her smile at me. The girl I spent mornings admiring sleeping. That I wrote love letters. That several times made me forget even my name just for saying the same thing. It's not her.

But it's amazing how I still know she's in there, somehow. Maybe Marnie was right that day, she didn't want to feel like an intruder in her own life, but she was.

She herself undid everything we built. Everything we've fought so hard has fallen like a house of cards. The promises made at dawn about our future together, vanish with the wind. I know they weren't empty, but the girl who made them with me isn't here.

“I'm so sorry. I-”

“Say it looking at me.” I stare at her resolutely.

“Don't do that.” she begs in a whisper.

Her eyes flood with despair and I delude myself, even with pain. Her mouth opens several times, but her voice doesn't come out. Her eyes blink several times, trying to ward off the tears that are forming there. I watch her body hold the air.

“What? Weren't you so determined?! So convinced?! Didn't you come here for this?! So say it looking at me, not the walls, like you're doing.” her jaw locks. “Two years ago you came here to look me in the eye and say you wanted to try, you came to ask me for a chance for both of us. So now look into them and say you don't want it anymore.”

Marnie stares at me lost. I pray, I beg her not to make it, for her to give up on this stupid idea. That deep down she says she's afraid to surrender. I wouldn't mind ignoring this fight and pretending nothing happened. Then I would hold her and make her feel like I would protect her from everything, make her feel loved. But my thoughts change and I lose hope when I watch her take off the necklace I gave her.

“I'm sorry.” she puts it in my hand. Right now I don't mind letting the tears fall. I stare at my hands feeling destroyed. Her lips touch my cheek lightly and so she leaves my house and my life.

““What is this?” I open a smile watching her approach, openmouthed. “Luke, what is this all about?” her eyes run over all the details with curiosity.

For a few seconds, I don't know what to say. I lose my breath watching how stunning she looks in this flowery dress with wavy hair. Holy crap.

“Our first date.” I shrug. Marnie breaks into a beautiful smile, making her cheeks blush. The sparkle in your eyes enchants me.

“Luke, when you said a date I swore we were going to a restaurant, I didn't think…” her voice trails off, giving way to a delighted laugh.

"Have I exaggerated?" I approach her, looking at the small tree with scattered lights and the table for two with two candles. "If you say yes, I'll be upset." I make fun of her.

“No! It's perfect, is that… I didn't expect this. Not all of that.” she whispers. "Did you do all this?" she looks at me in surprise.

“Good part. Except the food, the intention is to impress you, not make you run away from me.” I look at her teary eyes and feel amazing for getting it right. She liked.

I take a deep breath, trying to control my breathing and my nervousness. I wanted to leave Marnie speechless, wanted her to make sure I was worth it. And even with all the effort, she managed to leave me speechless yet. My God, how could someone be so beautiful like that? Am I really that lucky to have gotten her attention? I mean, do I deserve her?

“I do not know what to say. Thank you.” I get lost in her eyes, feeling the butterflies in my stomach grow. It couldn't be possible for me to be in love with her that fast already, could it?””

Marnie pov.

Air doesn't reach my lungs, no matter how windy it is. My chest and throat hurt so much my body recoils with every sob. It was like sand in my hand, running through my fingers, I couldn't hold it back.

As torture, I replay the scene in my head again, watching his blue eyes lose their luster and let those tears fall. I wanted to hug him and tell him I was crazy, drunk. That deep down I was completely in love with him, and I didn't even need my memories for that. Luke is so amazing that he managed to win me over again and I believe he could a million times over. I wanted to say that I want him, I want him more than anything, but I can't.

The doorbell pulls me out of my private cell, my mind, prompting me to question whether the bomb had ever gone off. It would probably be Leah or even Ashton, but I don't want to deal with anyone right now. I don't want lectures, I don't want judgments, I just want to stay on the couch until tomorrow when it's my time to go to New York.

I crawl to the door finding the last person I want to see right now. John Letterman has a huge, excited smile, in contrast, my face is red and swollen from crying for the past few hours.

“Hi, Marnie, how are you?” Cursed the day I ran into him at the studio.

“What are you doing here?” John plays offended.

“I just came to ensure that everything is going with our agreement.”

"What does it look like?" I point to my face. “It's all just the way you made me do it.” I turn around, entering the still-destroyed apartment.

"But what happened here?" he looks at the destroyed hall in disgust.

“You, John. Just you and your disgusting manipulation.” John shakes his head laughing.

"I didn't put any gun to your head to accept this. I just showed you the truth, you are destroying the career of 5 seconds of summer. Your person's association is putting their contract and their tour at risk. You're the one who decided to walk away.” he smiles satisfied.

I break eye contact, too exhausted to debate.

“I'm glad you lived up to your part of the deal and I hope this is the last time we've crossed paths.”

"Then we are two."

“But if I hear you're trying to get close to Luke again…” the tone of voice pisses me off.

“I've already done my part, but if you keep pissing me off, I'll go to Luke right now and tell him the whole truth.” I threat, nervous. I try not to show that his laugh makes me confused.

“You know, I missed you, Marnie. That innocence is really funny.” John stops laughing and approaches. "Do you think Luke wants to see you now?! Why do you think I'm here knowing everything?! He already called me, asking me to schedule the trip. He hates you now, Marnie. You broke his heart. I don't care what useless word you say to him, because he won't believe it. Here.” he takes his cell phone out of his jacket. "Want to call him and tell him?! I will help you.” he returns a venomous smile.

“Get out of my house.” I say through teeth.

"What's up, Marnie? Don't be so passionate. After all we are friends.” he makes fun of me.

"I said 'get out of my house.'” I scream, picking up a decorative vase beside me and threatening to throw it at it.

John doesn't look scared, but heads for the door.

“One day you'll thank me, Marnie.” he says before closing the door. I throw the vase, screaming, seeing it crash against the door.

The urge to go to Luke and tell the whole truth becomes much stronger, however, even if I don't want to admit it, John was right, Luke must hate me by now, making everything I say empty. On the other hand, I remember that I'm doing this for him.

I know at any other time, if I knew the band was going through something like that, I would do anything to help. Now, making sure I'm the problem, I want to become the solution and if that meant having to walk away from it then I would, after all their success and happiness could be mine.

I want to have faith that a few years from now, when everything is better, maybe I can get Luke and the others to understand why I'm doing this. Maybe we can even be friends if he doesn't hate me.

I give up, going up to my room for a shower and straight to bed. It's horrible knowing I need sleep to be acceptable for tomorrow, but I can't turn my head off. Even exhausted, I go over every fight I had today. Noah, Luke, and John's voices mingled in my mind, draining me more and more of my energy, but not to the point of putting me to sleep.

The night slowly drags on and the approach of dawn makes an anxiety rise within me. Yesterday they could have held back so they wouldn't come to debate anything, but I doubt that someone won't show up today and, given my state and mood, I'm sure I won't have the strength to fight.

For the few seconds and times I dozed off, I dreamed of the doorbell ringing, of Leah screaming for me to open the door. Finally, when the clock struck a little after five, I decided to get out of bed. Wrapped in the duvet, I walk to the kitchen, making tea. With my drink ready, I walk over to the couch on the balcony, watching the sky clear up for my last day in LA.

Passed morning, I go for a shower with the intention of getting rid of this weight. I lock everything in my room, not knowing when I'll be back. In the closet, I grab Luke's box and pull out my diary and some of our Polaroids. I also take the little white box, carefully storing it in my suitcase.

I walk around the house, closing windows, turning off power and stuff. I don't worry and much less care about the mess I made yesterday, if I ever come back to this apartment, I'll ask for a huge renovation, not wanting to remember anything from that time.

Around 8:00 am, I tell Martin that I want to go to the airport early, wanting to avoid any of my friends or family. I had already talked and said goodbye to my parents before the party. I'm relieved when he says he's on his way.

I take one last look at my apartment, accepting my defeat. I pick up my bags, already going downstairs and moving forward as much as possible to just leave, I just didn't count on Ashton at the front desk of the building

"Ash?" I call him on impulse. My friend turns to me, apparently not at all surprised to see me with my bags.

“Can we talk?” he questions calmly.

“I need to go to the air-” I try to dodge him, but Ash steps in front of me.

“Five minutes. I do not want to fight. I just want to understand you.” he interrupts me.

“You don't understand, Ash.” whisper. “I need to go.”

There's one thing I've always admired about Ashton, that peace he has and emanates. He in no second judges me with his gaze, in fact, this calm almost makes me tell everything, trusting that he would listen to me and believe me. But in seconds this idea loses strength, after all, Luke would not believe me and John could still harm the band.

“You know, I remember the day we met very well. You were the new student in yoga class and I was happy to have someone my age there. We weren't the best students and we talked too much, which caused us to be thrown out of class.” he laughs a little. “But even without that, we became good friends. It is not?”

“Yes,” I whisper, trying to understand where he is going.

“Marnie, I can't explain what was different with you, but I really didn't want to lose touch. I wanted you to be my friend. The problem is, in the end, I took care of you like my little sister. I think I projected that onto you. I've always taken care of Lauren and Harry a lot and I miss them sometimes. I always wanted to and will always protect you, but I need to know exactly what.”

“Ash…” I try to interrupt him but can't.

“I lost you once, in that fucking accident. I lost you to amnesia. I don't want to lose you for a silly thing. Marnie, please just tell me.” he pleads, holding my hands.

It pains me to see him like this. I can see the desperation in his eyes, just as I saw it in Luke's eyes. I know it hurts, but it has to. Ashton was definitely the best friend I've ever had in all my 23 years, I don't need my memory to prove it. Just a conversation with him and I realized our connection. Really, Ashton is the big brother I never had and I'm grateful for that.

Without the strength to want to convince him of the story I had already created, I pull his body to me, hugging my best friend for the last time. He doesn't deny the hug, squeezing me tightly, as if to stop me from going.

“Thanks for everything, Ash. Please don't forget my speech.” I give him a kiss on the cheek, ready to get into the car that has just arrived.

'It wasn't by chance that you and Luke met.” I stop at the door, turning confusing to him. “Ever since I've known you, I've known you'd be perfect for Luke, you're almost the female version of him. I just gave you guys a little push to see each other, because I knew the moment he saw you, he was going to fall in love with you.”

I stare at Ashton for a few more seconds before turning towards the car, feeling the tears wet my cheek once more. I didn't need to be an expert to know that yes, Luke and I were made for each other, but unfortunately, not all soulmates end up together.

I'm so sorry, I know I'm late. I have a undergraduate thesis at the end of the year and I am too busy with it. But I promise not to delay this amazing fic for you anymore. Thank you so much for all the support and affection, you're amazing. Until the next chapter!

P.s. which I will post in a few hours, after all, it's the least I can do after a month of delays. See ya! xoxo

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mevekagvain · 3 years

Text

Chapter 93 - Fancy chair, love it.

- So my theory is that Raizel just never learnt how to write in Lukedonian either.

- Tbh the janitor is suspicious. Like how hard was he googling M-21?

Chapter 94 - SUYIIIIIIIIIIII

- Ah geez the first of the racistly depicted characters.

Chapter 96 - Suyi getting mad at the kids for complaining about Hansu is so funny like when she first appears you think she's perhaps a stuck up celebrity or a pushover but it turns out she's just a really sweet friend.

- Suyi being stunned by Rai's looks but not falling for him (same with Yuna) is one of the things I always liked about Noblesse. Like sure in the first meeting they get blushy but I'll just jot that down to the inherent beauty of nobles since I can't relate to it at all.

Chapter 97 - Frankenstein's house always being stocked with so much food because the kids just started coming over daily is hilarious. Even funnier since Frankenstein obviously thinks it's overkill but is the one stocking up anyway.

Chapter 98 - Regis and Seira 🥺 Seira's og outfit was the best one she had like it only goes downhill from here folks.

Chapter 99 - It would have been so funny if Frankenstein went "they must be cosplayers" instead of realising the two were nobles.

- Regis taking all the initiative shows how it's his roadtrip coming of age journey which is pretty clever. Also Seira's just like that but still.

- Shinwoo stop exercising in class bro. Do not flex on the rest of us this is so rude 😭😭😭

- Regis confidently saying he's a noble in class to humans he doesn't plan on mind controlling... Baby boy why are you so dumb? How is this hiding your identity??? And Seira just lets him,,, good for her.

Chapter 100 - Ah yes their elegance boner at seeing Raizel... nobles are so fucking weird.

- M-21 thinking he won't get any information because of his time at the Union and thus being surprised at how open Frankenstein is is actually really sweet. Like yeah I still think Frankenstein is an unethical and questionable person but he is kind to most humans (werewolves and nobles can go fuck themselves I guess lmao).

Chapter 101 - The second hand embarrassment I felt when M-21 called the two noblesse... how do I even consume content?

- Yeah 100% most union members don't know the difference between nobles and vampires. I bet they'd classify jiangshi as either mutants or werewolves. Or to be more specific, that would be the classification given to low leveled members. On one hand I think it's dumb that the Union gives members twisted information because how would they even use it? But on the other hand it makes sense since it prevents said members from seeking nobles for help. After all, if they believe even the 'noblesse' are vampires that drink blood, than obviously they won't see them as possible escape routes.

- 'Noblesse only applies to one person'. Yeah because Rai's brother is fucking dead. And so is whoever was his predecessor/parent.

Chapter 102 - Those bullies got backup so fucking fast like Shinwoo literally just asked Regis and Seira if they were okay then boom! They're back.

Chapter 103- Regis going ??? essentially when Shinwoo tells him to take care of Seira is so funny like yes ofc he's confused she's literally a clan leader + noble females aren't physically weaker + noble women work out just like the men.

- Rude, Regis. You can't just ask someone why they're mingling among humans. You're doing that too. Who doesn't mingle among humans smh. Even cats and pigeons mingle with us.

Chapter 105 - Love how everyone else in the household is so sick of ramyeon like Raizel stop please you're being selfish.

Chapter 106 - Frankenstein is the definition of the 'right in front of my salad?' meme at Regis and M-21 arguing at the dinner table. Then there's Seira and Raizel just waiting for the noodles to get soggy so he can't even eat. Wish Urokai could see him getting tortured like this.

- The soldier rejecting backup because he knows the enemy is the Union hurts my heart. Wanting to prevent casualties... iwi

Chapter 107 - Shark how tf do you not know about South Korea? That's one of the asian countries people actually know about. I guess maybe it's because this is from around a decade back? K-pop is more recent and made the country more visible I guess.

- Ah yes Takeo. Forever known as "the first time I read Noblesse and he appeared I thought he was Marie's sister since they had the same hairstyle". Like I thought that before even learning about the Aris Taivra fiasco. My power 😔

- Oh don't worry M-21, Frankenstein stopped experimenting on people 830 years ago. You know, as one does.

Chapter 108 - Shark has like no general knowledge. Geography? History? Tf is that I guess.

- Tao saying they're the worst possible people for the job is so funny like yeah he's right. "All we do is massacre people in warzones why are we in Seoul?"

- The rest of the squad complain or are confused about the peace meanwhile Takeo is vibing. He's the normal guy TM of the group.

- Ah yes noble lore. If you take canon at face value than the fact that nobles were around when humans first emerged and there being about 2-3 clan leaders before the current generation means you can estimate their lifespan. Ofc it differs wildly depending on how you interpret the 'first humans' part. I'll assume there were 3 generations before the current generation (mvp lord being the third generation) and won't be adding the current generation since a 0.5-2k years is kinda meaningless. I'll also be assuming that mvp lord entered eternal sleep at around the same age as his predecessors and that he would have died soon from old age anyway (since canonically they do have limited lifespans). If we assume it's just the first human ancestors (7 million years ago) than the average pureblood lifespan is 2.33 million years. If we assume it's when homo sapiens started to emerge (300k years ago) than it's 100k years. If it's about modern humans (130k years ago) than it's 43.3k years. Regardless I'll ignore it since my hcs are that nobles are effectively immortal unless killed and that the 2-3 clan leaders is a misconception due to a mix of Gechutel just straight up lying, because there are clans that have had fewer clan leaders, because I have nobles settling on Lukedonia only 30k years ago, and because Gechutel is factoring in his own age of 10.2k so it's more like 'There have been 2-3 Ru clan leaders before the Ru clan leader 10k years ago since after we settled in Lukedonia'. There's also the possibility that nobles didn't have lords or clan leaders until a few thousand years ago in canon but the species has existed for much longer.

- 'Nobles are individualistic... They don't despise humans but don't love them either.' Humans w/ ants. Now if the ants were capable of speaking with us it'd be exactly the same situation.

Chapter 109 - "What were they researching here?" Since when does the Union research anything aside from human modifications Kranz? Why do you even need to ask? More seriously this means that the Union doesn't actually only do human experimentation and weapons lmao. The other shit just isn't relevant I guess. It's a shame, I'd have loved to see how a lab focused on like, fixing up polluted waters, would be fit into the story.

- The fact that Tao beat Jake up is never mentioned enough. Also confirms that Jake was lying out of his ass about being the strongest.

- Marie being the weakest assassination squad member is interesting like I know why Crombel doesn't need bodyguards as the reader but you'd think the Union would be suspicious of him not having a stronger bodyguard. Also I still can't believe the Union doesn't bother learning who the members are aside from the ones Crombel tells them about like. Bro???

- Shark calling Takeo uptight is hilarious because the guy literally just shot the falling ceiling light which is the opposite of uptight. Either he was preventing them from getting hurt/being caught or he wanted that to happen considering the fact that he shot it and it shattered. And then he just goes back to leaning against the wall. Takeo please 🤣

Chapter 110 - And Shinwoo's still staying over at Ikhans place. Wonder when he's gonna move back. I really love their dynamic like yeah I beg my sister to get me food all the time too. Also love the apron and skeleton hoodie.

- Shinwoo went through the five stages of grief pretty quick huh? Like yeah it's his own misunderstanding that Ikhan is dating someone but still. Homophobia is annoying as always though.

Chapter 111 - Suyi paying for their food is so sweet of her and also I relate so much like yeah mood that's me and no I don't want to be paid back.

- Takeo,,, the fact that he just hands his wallet over because he doesn't like violence and doesn't want to beat them up,,, my heart. Otoh... how did he even get cornered in an dark shady alleyway lmao.

- Aris managing to make herself look like a teenager as Taivra is interesting since Takeo says he wants her to be able to go to school like Yuna and Shinwoo when he's treating them. I guess she looks younger without makeup.

- Takeo just straight up pointing his gun at Shark in public because he mentioned Taivra... anger issues much? I understand why but taking your gun out is an overreaction.

#noblesse #raining while reading

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wordstro · 4 years

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mingi + mafia au + you shouldn't have done that

mingi x gender neutral reader, 1.5k, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

Part 2

you were meant to do great things. at least that’s what your parents, your teachers, even your best friend used to tell you over and over and over, beaming at you and whatever your newest accolade of the moment was. you had ranked number one in your class all throughout high school. you had your pick between the top three universities in the country. at graduation, you were on top of the world.

and then, things went downhill and never really stopped.

you’re still not quite sure when you’ll hit rock bottom, when you’ll finally get to turn your life around. or maybe, you missed that chance long ago. your father grew incredibly ill and your mother fell into debt. you worked too many part time jobs to help pay it off and your grades slipped. eventually, your father passed away and your mother was too busy dealing with grief and debt to really be a mother. you failed one too many classes and got kicked out of university. you still felt like you needed to help your mother pay off the crippling amount of debt and you indulged yourself in people you would have never given the light of day. and, to top it all off, your best friend slowly stopped answering your calls and your texts, drifting out of your life as if he hadn’t been there since you were both children, as if all those years and late nights and time spent together meant nothing.

it’s been years since then, but the mere thought of him still brings tears to your eyes, still makes your stomach curl with guilt, still makes you wonder what the hell you did wrong. during your brief phone calls with your mother, she would ask about him, and you never had the heart to just tell her. but, maybe she noticed your short answers because, nowadays, she’s stopped. nowadays, she’s even stopped asking for details about your job.

you’re grateful for that, really, because how the hell are you supposed to tell your sweet, tired mother that you work as a freelance hacker for an underground network of crime syndicates? it’s a bit of a mouthful, really, and you don’t think your poor mother’s heart can take such news.

sometimes, you wonder if this is your rock bottom. especially when you catch sight of yourself in the blackness of your screen before you boot up your laptop. the debt hasn’t stopped and you don’t think it ever really will because interest is a fucking bitch, but it’s become manageable. sometimes, you think about how you could go back to school. you could get decent work in an office somewhere.

but, you kind of like the thrill of this. you could go back, but you won’t. you know you won’t. you enjoy the rush of adrenaline when you receive a notification from one of your clients instructing you to extract information for them. you never ask too many questions about the whos. you only really care about the compensation. and this particular task has a price tag of several million won.

you raise your brow, stretching your fingers and cracking your back, already thinking about all the things you plan on buying with the extra money, grinning because the task in question is easy. almost too easy. you just need to root out a location from within a shit ton of security walls, as if whoever built it absolutely does not want anyone to find them. you grin and get to work.

~.~.~.~.~

you’ve seen your fair share of security systems over the course of your career and you’d rank this one as one of the tougher ones. still, you get in. you always get in.

and, for a moment, the IP address appears on your screen. the tension falls from your shoulders as you sit back admiring your work. for a moment, all is well.

until it isn’t.

your screen turns red, filling with white static, and it’s fucking terrifying. especially when it starts keening, high pitched, shrill, ringing in your ears, until it goes black.

you freeze, slowly peeking out from behind your chair, eyeing the computer in concern. you wonder if it’ll explode. white symbols fill the screen, cursor blinking. it takes a moment to register the message and when you do, your heart drops into the pit of your stomach, your breath catching in your throat. it’s your full name and your current location, written out in full, almost as if it’s mocking you. a chill runs straight down your spine and, for a moment, you’re frozen in your spot, crouched behind your computer chair. you were always cautious. you switched between VPNs constantly, you kept your work computer clear of anything and everything relating to your identity. this shouldn’t be happening. holy shit, you need to go. you shoot up, rummaging through your closet for the getaway bag you made long ago, just in case. you knew you needed a contingency plan when you started this. you just never expected to actually need it. but, now, you need to get out. you need a burner phone and cash and -

knock, knock.

the things in your hand slip, clattering all over the floor, and you flinch at the loud noise, glancing between the laptop and the door. you contemplate jumping out the window, but you’re on the third floor and you doubt that -

beep. beep. beep. click.

the front door sits ajar and the hairs at the back of your neck stand on end. for a beat, you are so terrified you aren’t sure if you can even move. then your brain jumps into overdrive. you need something to defend yourself with, though. you’re frantic when you yank the lamp off the table beside the couch, scurrying into the kitchen.

it’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop and you hate it. you swear your own heartbeat can be heard in the quiet of your apartment. there is no force used, you notice, as if your brain is clinging to the tiniest details as a way to keep calm and collected. nothing about the knocking at your door nor the technical break-in is forceful or loud, and it’s somehow worse than if someone had just kicked your door down and stuck a gun in your face. you lift the lamp over your head, just as you hear the creak of the front door opening and the faintest of whispers. you hear footsteps, slow and measured, so fucking casual, echoing throughout your apartment and your grip on the lamp tightens. it doesn’t take long for the footsteps to approach the kitchen. you don’t even try to catch a glimpse of the intruder; the moment they step into reach, you bring the lamp down over their head with a loud thud.

a man cries out in pain - the loudest noise you’ve heard yet this evening, the sound making you flinch - and you back out of the kitchen, nearly tripping on your own feet, not even bothering to watch the man crumple to his knees. you just hope he stays down.

but, you didn’t account for the other voice, the other footsteps.

you yelp when you run face first into a sturdy wall of a person, thrashing as their fingers wrap around you, holding you steadfast with such ease. you think, holy shit, holy shit, I don’t want to die, while you’re being dragged and tossed onto the floor of your living room. you hit your head too hard, vision swimming, pain shooting through your skull, but you manage to put space between you and where you think the intruders are. you stare, wary, terrified, thinking, thinking, thinking. you open your mouth, ready to scream, but there’s a pretty boy with dark eyes and sharp features staring down at you, head tilted, a gun cocked in his hands.

he says, “scream and i’ll shoot.”

you didn’t account for three intruders, the man with the gun, the one you hit over the head with the lamp, and whoever is helping him up. your eyes flicker past the kitchen entrance, frantically searching over the man’s shoulder for an opening. you notice the lack of face coverings - from what you’ve picked up throughout your years of working in the underground, you know that is not a promising sign, it usually means they don’t plan on letting you live long enough to expose their identities - and you scoot further back until your back hits the wall. the man’s eyes and gun follows you, a kind smile playing on his lips, out of place in a situation like this. it’s just as unsettling as the lack of force behind their break in, the silence with which they work under.

two people emerge from your kitchen, the man you presumably hit over the head grumbling under his breath while the other one holds him up, towering over him. the man with the gun speaks up, pulling your attention back to him, “now, tell us.” he steps forward and you have nowhere to go. “why exactly were you trying to hack into our systems? who put you up to this?”

“I…I don’t know.” your voice comes out steadier than you expected and you’re grateful for that. the man with the gun sighs. you glare, you can’t help it. “I really don’t know. I make it a point not to know who my clients are.”

the man sighs, yet again, and somehow that angers you. you watch as he steps back from you, gun still directed at you, turning his torso to face his friends. your gaze flickers up to them and you -

“holy shit.” your fingers dig into your palms, your eyes locked on him.

because it’s song mingi.

memories that you have spent years trying to forget floods into the forefront of your mind. birthdays spent with him, his soft smile, the first memories you’ve had with him, playing tag in your parents’ house. the way he sometimes insisted you be the big spoon when the two of you cuddled, laughing at the way you could barely contain his long limbs in your arms. the way he cried into your shoulder when his family dog had to be put down. the promises of forever he made with you. his laugh, the way his eyes would scrunch up and his smile would get so big. memories and feelings and everything just floods through you and you can feel tears prickling at your eyes, your chest heavy, words stuck in your throat.

he has red hair now, his arm curled around the man you hit over the head. still, he hasn’t changed much. he’s taller, broader, older, but he is the same in so many ways. his eyes, though, are different. the light and love they always held has dimmed and there’s something dark about his gaze, something ancient and sad and irredeemable, something broken. your breath catches at the sight, at the way his eyes widen ever-so-slightly, before they narrow, at the way you can’t read his face easily like you used to be able to.

“mingi?” you speak, then, your voice less steady than before, barely audible really, if it wasn’t for how quiet the apartment had become. both his friends startle at that, but your eyes are on him. there is a mix of anger and relief and yearning that curls in your chest. you’ve missed him, you realize. you’re angry because he left you so long ago, that he is standing here now, on the side of the man with the gun pointed at you, and you should be mad, should be screaming, but you missed him. maybe this is your rock bottom.

for a moment, mingi softens, eyes returning to the way he used to look at you before. for a moment, you can pretend he still cares about you.

but, only for a moment.

his gaze steels, his lips pressing into a thin line. he slips his hands off his friend, stepping towards you and there is an aura surrounding him that is unfamiliar and, frankly, terrifying.

he crouches, until he is at eye level with you. you hold your breath. he says, “you’ve built a very notorious reputation for yourself you know. makes sense, though, you’ve always been the greatest at whatever you put your mind to.”

there’s something so very foreboding about the way he says that. you blink, manage to respond, “why are you…what do you want from me? what are you…what are you going to do to me?”

mingi looks at you like you are a stranger and you think, no, this is your rock bottom. he leans in close, red hair falling over his unreadable eyes, elbows resting on his knees. the world falls away and all that is left is you and mingi, mingi and you.

he breathes, “hacking into our systems? you really shouldn’t have done that, sweetheart.” then he tilts his head and stares you down. you cannot breathe as he tacks on, “now we have to make an example out of you.”

#song mingi #ateez #ateez angst #ateez scenarios #mingi angst #requests #i hope u like it!! maybe i want to make a part 2 but idk TT #Anonymous

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jungshookz · 5 years

Note

hi cee !! i just thought of how cute coach!jungkook would be where he trains little kids and one day y/n drops off her little brother at practice and sees this cute new coach and is suddenly volunteering to bring snacks for the next game lol

➺ pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

➺ genre: if it isn’t obvious by now this is 110% fLUFF, y/n is an obnoxious older sister but we love her, banana milk and animal crackers for everyone!!!!

➺ wordcount: 3.5k

➺ note: hi i want coach!jungkook to hurl a soccer ball at me thanks

(gif isn’t mine!)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“alright, twerp.” you crank the brakes before punching the unlock button on the dashboard “get outta my car.”

you push your sunglasses up to the top of your head before turning to look at lucas in the back seat and raising a brow

…

why is he not moving

“…mommy always walks me to the field.”

oh dear lord

you have places to be and people to sEE

more specifically you have to pick yoongi up at his apartment because you guys are going to watch that new spiderman movie together and you typically like to get there early so that you have more time to decide what you’re going to do in terms of snacks

“well, mommy didn’t drop you off today. sissy did.”

okay quick note: maybe don’T address yourself as sissy ever again

“-big boys walk themselves to the field.” you point out before glancing over at said field “y’know, lu, the world is a big, scary soccer field that you’re going to have to face alone one day…” you sigh and shake your head playfully as you yank the keys out of the ignition

of course you’re going to walk him to the field

you just like messing with him

“-you might as well get a head start now.” you unbuckle your seatbelt before opening the door

“…maybe next year, when i turn 6.” lucas mutters and kicks his legs against the seat

you can’t help but snort at his comment before shutting the door

your parents insist that lucas was planned but let’s be real

he’s more of a… happy accident!

the boy is sixteen years younger than you

he’s 5!

you’re 21!

a sixteen year age gap is never intentIONAL

nevertheless you still love him more than you love yourself

he’s a sweet boy!!!

he actually never went through the whole terrible twos phase and for that you are grateful because you’re pretty sure 18 year old y/n would’ve willingly flung him out the window in a heartbeat

and you know for a fact that he worships you

well

alright

not reaLLy

but he’s a good little brother and you’re a good older sister and you’re just glad that the two of you get along

you just like acting like he’s a little stiNker all the time because it’s fun seeing him get worked up

>:-)

“by the way, don’t tell mom i didn’t put your car seat in my car.” you help lucas out of the car before reaching in to grab his bag for him

you were going to be a responsible older sibling and put his car seat in for him but there were so many things to click and clack and lock and pop and honEstly you just didn’t have the energy to put it in your car so you just buckled him in and made sure to drive a little less recklessly

also you didn’t see the point in installing it in your car since this is going to be the only time you’re ever going to drop him off at his soccer practice session

your mom usually drops him off because duh

she’s m o m

but she had an emergency meeting at work and your dad is on a business trip for the entire week which means that yoU have to take care of him for the afternoon

which is fine!

except you made plans with yoongi, as mentioned earlier

which means you need to get this show on the road if you’re going to get back on the road to get to the show

“okay, as long as you don’t tell mom i threw my grapes away.”

“wha- you threw your grapes away?!” you gawk at lucas as you shove your keys into your pocket “are you kidding me? you could’ve given them to me! those grapes were organic, too! they were the goOD juicy grapes!”

lucas smiles sheepishly before shrugging

goD

kids these days

throwing away their damn juicy organic non-gmo grapes

what a waste!

“what time am i supposed to come and pick you up again?”

“6:30” lucas hums in response as he swings his hand with yours

the movie is set to end at 7

…how mad would your mom be with you if you made lucas wait an extra half hour in the dark for you?

u know what

it’s a risk you’re going to have to be willing to take

you are SO brave

not all heroes wear capes

“any preferences for dinner? mom won’t be home til late so it’s just the two of us.” you glance down at him as the two of you approach the field

there are already a bunch of other kids there with their parents

usually the parents just sit on the side and watch

and you would totally stay and watch but like…

spiderman > watching a group of sweaty 5 year olds running around and tripping over themselves

“mcdonalds!” lucas grins excitedly

he likes it when you’re in charge of dinner because it actually means that he’s in charge of dinner and he aLways likes it when he gets to choose what to eat for dinner

one time he asked for spaghetti tacos and you just gave him spaghetti tacos with no complaint

it’s amazing!

you’re a pushover for him and he knoWs it

“alrighty. but i’m getting the apple slices for you instead of the fries because you threw your grapes out.”

lucas immediately deflates

u win some u lose some

“okay, bud. i’ll see you at 7!” you chirp before dropping to your knees to give lucas a goodbye hug

“6:30” lucas corrects you smartly and you resist the urge to roll your eyes

uRgh

you don’t want to miss the ending of spiderman!!!!!!! what if you miss something mAjor that links to the next spiderman movie?!

whaTEver you’ll just watch it again when it eventually gets on netflix

anyways

back to business

one huGE perk of being an older sibling is the fact that you get to embarrass your younger siblings any time and anywhere

it’s your given right!

you’ve earned it

…and this is one of those times

“oH i’m going to miss my lulu so much-“ you’re practically suffocating lucas considering how tightly you’re squeezing him and you can’t help but giggle as you squish sloppy kisses to his chubby cheek

you don’t want him to ever grow up because you lovE kissing his cheeks

they were exTra chubby when he was younger

he’s starting to lose some baby fat :’(

lucas whines and starts to shove at your chest “stop it, my friends are watching!!!”

“well they’re just jealous because they don’t have an older sister as cool as-“ you immediately cut yourself off because-

holy SHIT

who the friG is thAT

it’s almost as if time itself slows down when you’re suddenly made aware of this very beautiful human being

warm brown eyes that you can already envision yourself drowning in

a bright bunny smile tugging at the corners of his mouth

honey caramel brown hair peeking out from underneath a plain black cap

two small, silver hoops hanging from his ears

he’s wearing a plain black hoodie paired with a pair of plain black shorts but somehow he’s making it look like he just walked straIght off a paris fashion week runway

he has that boyish quality about him that’s making you weak in your knees

and to top it all off

he’s great with kids

your ovaries are quaking

he laughs and throws his head back before giving one of the boys a fist bump and getting back up on his knees

is it weird that you think his thighs are hot?

…yeah that’s a little weird

get it together

you pull away from lucas before resting back on your heels

you reach out to grasp onto his shoulders to make it seem like you’re having a serious conversation with him because let’s face it this is a very serious conversation

“lu. i’m going to ask you a question, and i want you to answer me honestly.” you look him dead in the eye

“…wha-“

“don’t make it obvious, but… is that your coach?” your eyes flicker over his shoulder and lucas whIPS around to look at where you’re looking

okay

way to make it nOt obvious

“mhm! that’s coach jungkook.”

huh

coach jungkook

that has a nice ring to it

he looks to be around your age which is vEry appealing

working man with a stable job

…you’re into it

lucas is obviously blissfully unaware of the way you’re practically drooling over his coach because the next thing you know- “hi coach!!!!!!” lucas waves wildly and starts bouncing up and down excitedly when coach jungkook glances towards your guys’ general direction

you immediately get up off the ground and reach down to dust your knees off

you should’ve worn something cuter had you known lucas’ coach was going to look like that

“hey, buddy!” jungkook leans down to ruffle lucas’ hair when he rushes over to hug his knees “you ready for a fun session?”

you feel your heart skip a beat when he looks up at you and offers you a friendly smile

o god

“hi! i’m jungkook.” he sticks his hand out for you to shake and oH sweet lord even his hands are pretty

“hi…!” you clear your throat and shake his hand briefly “i’m y/n, i’m… uh, i’m lucas’ sister. older sister.”

okay

you’re not sure why you had to throw in that last detail

you’re obviously his older sister you waLNUT

“ah, that makes sense. usually lucas comes with your guys’ mom, so i was just curious… are you going to stay and watch? there’s plenty of space to sit…” he gestures over to where the parents are and you’re about this close to texting yoongi and cancelling your guys’ plans together

spiderman

“she can’t!” lucas blurts out “-she’s watching spiderman with yoongi!”

uh oh

lucas is blowing your chances with coach jungkook right in front of ur eyES

“yoongi- riGht, yeah, i’m watching spiderman with- lu, why don’t you go and warm up with your friends, hm?” you nudge him a little and he nods before ziPPing right off to join his pals

a beat of silence goes by

“yoongi’s my friend. just my friend.” you clear your throat again before glancing at your watch

“good to know…!” jungkook trails off and purses his lips slightly

okay

this interaction is going downhill vEry fast

“i… should probably go if i’m going to get to the movies on time but thank you for the invitation to stay!” you chuckle lightly and jungkook nods in acknowledgement “i’ll see you later? when i come to pick lucas up? it was nice meeting you…?”

you are a hoT mess

you’re all over the place

why are you phrasing everything as a question?

what’s wrong with you?

you complete moron?

jungkook can’t help but watch as you jog back to your car

lucas never mentioned an older sister

a very pretty older sister, as a matter of fact

of course, lucas doesn’t really mention anything besides a) soccer, b) snacks, and c) power rangers

interesting

very interesting

“how come you’re driving me to practice again?” lucas’ brows knit together in confusion as he looks at you through the front mirror

needless to say he was very much confused when you came to pick him up from school… again

the act of you picking him up from school isn’t weird but usually you only pick him up maybe once every two months

but this is your sixth time picking him up this month

so yeah

it’s a liiiiiittle weird

“because i wanted to give mom… another day off!” you smile brightly and turn on your signal before smoothly swerving to the right and heading down the familiar path to the field

“oh.” lucas nods and slumps back down in his car seat

about five seconds go by before he speaks up again

“how come you have so many drinks and crackers back here?”

your eyes flicker up to the front mirror again and you see him leaning over to look into the huge tote bag sitting next to him

“you know, lu…” you sigh and shake your head “-as your generous, thoughtful, veRy caring older sister, i just want to make sure you have enough energy for practice which is why i took it upon myself to provide nourishment for you and your little friends!”

“…what’s a noorushmint-”

“-just out of curiosity-“ you veer right into your usual parking spot before cranking the brakes

you turn to look at lucas over your shoulder “has coach jungkook… said anything about me?”

“i- oOH banana milk!!!!!!” lucas grins excitedly and pulls one carton out of your bag

here’s the thing

as mentioned earlier this is your sixth time picking lucas up from school and driving him to practice

that means that this is your sixth time seeing jungkook

and each time, he somehow becomes more and more attractive which mEans that you progressively get more and more nervous and awkward-flirty with him each time you see him

every time he looks at you you get all weak in the knees and your palms get sweaty and you end up regurgitating some lame joke about soccer

every time he laughs at your lame jokes about soccer you feel your heart skip a beAt

and you’re obsessed with how attractive he looks when he’s focused on something

he does this thing where he pokes his tongue into his cheek and it just-

oOh it just gets to you

“hey, twerp-“ lucas glances back at you as the two of you start trekking down the grassy hill to get to the field “don’t tell your friends that you already drank a banana milk in the car otherwise they’re going think that i’m playing favourites which i guess i kinda am buT-“

“y/n!” you immediately freeze when you hear jungkook call your name and you neaRly trip over your feet in surprise “-let me help you with that!”

you swallow thickly before offering jungkook a bright smile “hey! oh, that’s so nice of you…” he takes the two tote bags from you eaSily

what the heck

you were out of breath just picking them up and he’s acting as if they’re as light as feathers

you feel your mouth go dry when you catch a glimpse of his biceps flexing

the lord is testing you toDay

“hi coach!” lucas greets enthusiastically

jungkook grins down at lucas before wiggling his brows “someone’s certainly very energetic today-“

“y/n gave me an extra banana milk and i drank it all in thirty seconds!!!!!”

well

he totally just blew your cover

“you said you wouldn’t tell!” you scold playfully and lucas giggles before dropping his bag to the floor and spRinting over to his friends

“banana milk, huh?” jungkook peeks into one of them before looking over at you

he loves banana milk!!!!!!!!

“banana milk and animal crackers.” you correct and jungkook raises a hand in defence

oh fRick

he loves animal crackers too!!!!!!

you are the girl of his dreams!!!!!!

,.,.,.but like.,,., in a super casual way

because he hasn’t known you for very long

but it’s safe to say that he’s already become veRy fond of you and your company

you’re super friendly

and you’re super funny

and you’re super pretty

it’s also super cute when you’re cheering on for lucas on the sidelines

whenever he scores a goal you jump up and down on your feet and clap suPer excitedly and basically scREAM for him

jungkook loves how supportive you are even though this is a kiddie soccer game and the stakes are so unbelievably low

and his heart melted into a warm puddle that time lucas tripped and scraped his knee and you imMEdiately rushed to his aid

you patched him up and even kissed his boo-boo!!!!!! (lucas was a little embarrassed by that) ((he wouldn’t have minded if u did that at home but u did it in front of all of his bROS and he’s like the resident Cool Guy))

it doesn’t get any cuTEr than that!!!!!!

and jungkook knows that he’s here to coach but he’s finding it vEry hard to do his job whenever you’re around

because you smell like warm vanilla and your laugh is contagious and your smile makes his stomach do flip-flops

and the fact that you brought snacks and drinks for the kids is honestly just the icing on the cakE

“wanna split a banana milk?” jungkook jumps in surprise when he feels a gentle tap on his shoulder

“wh- sorry, what was that? i was, uh, thinking about… stuff.” he clears his throat

wow

talk about s m o o t h

“i put the bag down for five seconds and the kids went wild but i managed to snag one carton without losing an arm.” you snort and poke the straw through the top “you wanna split one with me?”

he knows you’re not a mindreader but it’s taking every single one of his brain cells to try to noT think about how kissable your lips look right now

you turn slightly before holding the carton up for him to take a sip and you just have the cutest smile on your face right now and before he knows it he-

“do you wanna grab dinner sometime?” jungkook blurts out and his eyes widen in surprise when he realises that he just asked you out on a date

cuRse him and his complete lack of fiLTER

your own eyes widen in surprise and you blink owlishly

where did thAt come from

you’re not complaining or anything because yes of couRse you want to go out on a date with jungkook but heLLo where did that come from!!!!!!

“um, i-“

“oh, god. sorry! i’m sorry, that was totally- ah, jeez-“ jungkook groans quietly and reaches up to adjust his hat

“-jungkook-“

“-i’m sorry, you’re just really nice and pretty so i thought-“ he can feel his face burning hotter than the damn sun “-i just feeL like we get along really well even though we don’t really know each other buT we can always get to know each other on a date-“

“-yeah, you’re right about that-“

“-i don’t know what i’m thinking!!! i haven’t gone out on a date in a long time so maybe it’s not a-“

“-jungkook!” you slap a hand over his mouth and he stumbles backwards a little from the impact

“…myeah?” his voice is muffled and you give him a warning look so he shuts up quickly

you pull your hand away before adjusting your cardigan a little “i would… i would love to grab dinner with you sometime.”

“oh!” jungkook’s voice is slightly pitchy and he clears his throat quickly “cool. sick.” he says with a lower voice before sniffing and looking back over at the boys

it’s totally whatever

he’s cool

it’s casual

dinner is casual

he’s like… suuuuper chill about it, bro

“mm. sick, indeed.” you tease lightly before nudging his side “…you still wanna split the banana milk with me or not? because i’m going to inhale this entire thing if you don’t want any.”

(the entire time you and jungkook are taking turns taking sips of the banana milk he can’t help but feel like he’s indirectly kissing u)

((but whatever))

(((he’s like…. suuuuuuper chill about it, brO)))

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

drabble masterlist // main masterlist

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chaozeaphoenix · 3 years

Text

LGBTQ+

I don’t know if I ever posted such a thing like this before, but here goes nothing. Here’s to hoping I touch a life of someone else who is in a similar situation like I am. (Warning! I will be using explicit language and the visuals you will have in your mind, are from conversations I would have had in the past).

On October 4, 2002, I came out of the closet to both my parents. I figured I couldn’t keep who I was a secret, and the amount of anxiety attacks I would have from keeping a secret like that from them, bugged the shit out of me. When I told them, I wasn’t told, “I know” “we still love you” or even “everything is going to be okay.” Instead, my father sat in silence while my mum told me that if I was gay, that meant, “You will get fucked up the ass and die of AIDS before the age of 21.” For a bit, I was in denial, because at the time, I didn’t discover pornography on the web, and I didn’t know people could be a top, bottom, or even versatile. However, I remember going to bed that night crying because I wasn’t believed by my own parents. Day after day, I resented the fact I told them, and I didn’t have a friend to confide in at school to tell them what went down when I came out of the closet. I always already bullied for being different, and rumors would go around about me being gay, but I never dared to tell anyone. I was too scared to. I mean, wouldn’t you? My school was a little over an hour away from home, but I didn’t even have friends in my neighborhood to confide in about me being gay either. Looking back, there were a couple people I would chat with from time to time, and they gave me the impression they were either gay or they would have been okay with me telling. However, I kept who I was a secret. The bullying in the neighborhood was so bad, that one time, a bunch of kids on their bikes, without wearing a shirt, asked me if I wanted a piece of their ass. I never found out who they were, they were much farther from me as I was walking my dog, that I didn’t get a good glimpse of who they might have been. For a couple years, my father tried to scare homosexuality out of me by telling me “gay horror sex stories” about what would happen to a guy’s ass if they got fucked entirely way too much up there, while my brother and mother were being very homophobic. Today, in 2020, my mum doesn’t remember ever telling me that she used to say things like, “there is no place in heaven for you” or “you are going to hell.”

After my affair with a married man when I was at the age of 22, my father brought me home from the hospital because I had an anxiety attack on Easter Sunday in 2011, because my mum told me I couldn’t see my friend anymore because she claimed I was making him gay. I remember telling her, “you either are, or you aren’t. There is no in-between.” I was however, worried, she was going to find out I lost my virginity to this man and decided to go to the emergency room and I remember crying in front of the hospital’s social worker and the doctor why my anxiety was so bad. They didn’t tell me it was okay to be gay, they just sat there and listened. I remember telling the nurses that if my mum comes to the hospital asking for me, I do not want you to let her back in the emergency room with me. She did however come, and they told me they were getting ready to the call the police on her. I went out there and told her to go home and I don’t want to see her ever again. That night though, my dad did come to get me and he brought me home. I remember to this day that he patted me twice on the leg and said, “It’s okay to be gay, as long as you are safe and careful, but please don’t ever have another affair. Don’t ruin someone else’s marriage.”

Fast forward, eventually my brother came around and in 2016, my mum sort of came around. I remember reading a doctor’s note that mentioned how sorry my mum felt for not being the mother I needed when I came out. I also believed that my mum finally came to terms with who I was. Needless to say, I was wrong. And as of 2020, I found out.

See, last year, around April or May, I came out to my parents as non-binary, my mum believed I needed a diagnosis of that, while my father said I was telling himself he already knew. However, I said “I wanted to tell you guys instead of you assuming I might be transgender, or even something else just based upon you guys doing your own research.

About a month ago, my mum and I had a heated conversation about the fact that I had accepted the fact she is an alcoholic and I accepted the many consequences that followed suite. She claimed I really didn’t, but I told her I did regardless of what God told me to do. I also said, “it is just like you accepting that I am gay and non-binary.” She told me she doesn’t accept those things because it is a sin and her God says it is wrong. She also left it with a statement by saying, “I accept the fact that you are my child, and I know I cannot change you.” That really hurt, because after four, almost five years, I really thought her logical thinking of me being gay was different, however, I was very wrong. This is where I am going to say what I have been wanting my soul focus of my blog to be about.

In the Bible, John 13:34-35 to be exact says, “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” Jesus never said to love your neighbor until that person is drunk, a prostitute, gay, Muslim, etc. He just told us to love each other as He loves us. Let me tell you something quick about me, from the very beginning of time, I have always loved people and accepted everyone despite their differences because someone might have it a whole lot worse than me. I grew up until the age of ten as a non-believer in Jesus. Sure, I went to the Kingdom Hall for two weeks, every summer when I went to see my grandmother until she couldn’t drive anymore, but knowing she is a Jehovah Witness, but I wasn’t a full believer and church goer until I was ten. But even then, I still loved and accepted everyone despite their differences, because someone in my circle at church, might have it worse than me. Eventually, when I was taught that scripture of John 13:34-35, I was all like, “well, that’s something I have always done and I guess I am already following a command from God that I didn’t know about. My boyfriend pointed out earlier this week, that there is a passage in the Bible that talks about us doing things without even knowing that there is scripture about it, the passage is Romans 2:14-15 “Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right.” I bring this up because I have always loved my mum and even when she told me she was an alcoholic, I still loved her, sure at first, I hated that she kept going downhill instead of getting better, and the blaming of me day after day, but at the end of the day I still love her. I still love her to this day even after last week her telling me when my boyfriend comes down for Thanksgiving, that he and I do not talk about us being gay to the guests at our table for Thanksgiving because they are Southern Baptists. I know everyone has a different take on homosexuality when it comes to the Bible, some are full of love for everyone without pointing out the sins of others, while others point out sins and think they are doing it out of love. But here is where I am going with this. It is in MY HUMAN NATURE, to love everyone despite their differences and ACCEPT THEM because they have it a lot worse than me. I do not need the Bible to tell me that. I never have and never will need it. If my mum is choosing to just ‘ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I AM HER CHILD AND SHE CAN’T CHANGE ME’ she will have to answer to God for that, not me. But I will never stop loving my mum the way God loves her despite her alcoholism and her addiction to it. It is like I told my therapist this week. I can’t change who I am because of me knowing this who I am and I was born this way, but my mum can change who she is to be a better person and she refuses to do it.

I know I talked your eyes out and for that I am sorry. If you like what you have read, give me a follow, like my post, because by 2021, I am going to try and get better in blogging and video logging every other day. Happy Holidays!!

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brokenjardaantech · 3 years

Text

Blue-tinted Red Walls (Prologue: A mistake or accidental prophet?)

my entry for the 2020 @dbhau-bigbang. also part of the groom lake aftermath series

pairings: hankcon, minor male ryder/reyes vidal

major warning: canon-typical violence

additional warnings will be provided before individual chapters.

summary:

In 2028, rumours emerged that Sara Ryder, inventor of androids and co-founder of Cyberlife, disagreed with her father Alec Ryder, another co-founder of the company, over the direction the company was heading. Speculations were rendered pointless as the younger Ryder disappeared off the grid after thousands were killed in an explosion outside Detroit, the site which later became a dumping ground for abandoned or damaged androids. A few days after Alec took over CyberLife, reports of androids breaking away from their programming started to emerge, and for a decade, it was CyberLife's best-kept secret.

In 2038, Connor, an RK-series prototype, began development under Ryder's supervision and was released in August in the same year as Cyberlife's last resort towards the deviancy crisis. Rumours among CyberLife employees put someone else as the lead of the RK800/900 project, and although the company goes through extensive measures to dispel the rumour, it somehow manages to reach the Detroit Police Department. It is with this rumour in mind that Lieutenant Hank Anderson is partnered with the same android in question.

Little do they know that the revolution brewing on the horizon is just the beginning.

also on ao3

---

Before

A gloomy figure left shadows in their wake as they swept through the brightly-lit corridor of a hospital, the click of combat boots against smooth floor clearly audible as the voices in the hall died down. Most only noted the person’s threatening posture and boiling expression and bolted out of their way fearing consequences; little did they know that had they paused to take a better look, they would have noticed how young they were - too young to be wearing such hatred on their face.

They stopped abruptly in front of a door with a sharp snap of their feet, and their hand shot out of their pocket towards the knob but froze with the sharp yell of a nurse. A roll of their eyes. Turned to face the nurse.

‘Visitors are limited to family members only,’ the nurse explained as she closed the last bit of distance between them. Then it clicked. ‘You didn’t register at the front desk?’

‘My brother has been asking for me for days. Ask the front desk. I gave them my name.’

A slight flinch from the harsh tone. ‘I’m sorry, but I still need to confirm your identity. It’s for the patient’s protection.’

The figure huffed. From the smirk on their face, it might have been a silent laugh. They reached into their coat with their teeth grinding. ‘Your ID?’

The nurse looked taken aback. ‘I believe you should be the one presenting identification.’

‘Like you said, “it’s for the patient’s protection”,’ they parroted. ‘How can I be certain that you are an actual nurse but not another spy sent by someone who will bring him harm?’

A pause. The nurse looked away for a second as if to think of the best course of action, but this split second is enough for the person to twist the knob and slide into the ward, the slam of something against the wall indicated that they somehow managed to also barricade it from the inside. The nurse banged her fist on the door in a futile effort of protest before dashing away to get backup.

Inside the room was another atmosphere in its entirety, however, and would have been peaceful if not for the muffled hustle and bustle from the hallway. The blinds were pulled down, the lights were dimmed, the monitor was muted; everything to guarantee that the boy lying on the bed slept undisturbed. He was wearing a green beanie even in his sleep, and next to his head was a small stuffed toy which was rubbed against and clutched when he opened his eyes.

‘Sister?’ he asked the person who had broken into his room.

The sister sat down on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on her brother’s cheek. All the anger on her face was gone. ‘I’m here, brother,’ she said. Her thumb swiped against the bottom of his eye and came back wet. ‘I bought us a few minutes to talk.’

Her brother’s face scrunched up. ‘I’m sorry,’ tears started flowing freely down his face and into the pillow and the stuffed toy. ‘I didn’t mean to -’

‘The fault does not lie on you,’ she took out a handkerchief and dabbed his face. ‘It was a reckless move, but I doubt you have another choice.’

‘I -’ a hitch in his breath. ‘I don’t want to go.’

‘I know. I am here to take you away.’

‘You can’t. Baba is -’

‘If you think I care about what he thinks, you are sorely mistaken,’ she stood. ‘Is there anything you want to bring with you from the apartment?’

The brother hesitated. ‘Can I show you later?’

His sister’s face turned blank. ‘Of course,’ she said in a lacklustre tone. It was obvious that she did not want to do so. ‘I need to take care of something. Will be right back.’

‘Okay.’

She turned around and closed her eyes. A deep breath. Glowing wisps of blue emerges from her spine, then from her head, then finally from all over her body, and her eyes were swathed in the same blue glow when she reopened them. She raised her hand.

A blue sphere appeared in front of the desk barricading the door and knocked it away.

The same nurse from before entered. ‘You could’ve told me that you’re here to discharge your brother!’ she said accusingly. ‘There was no need for that hostility. And you shouldn’t even be -’

She was interrupted by the sister shoving a stack of paper towards her chest.

‘Then shut the fuck up and do your damned job.’

oOoOo

Now

Androids have always unnerved Captain Louis ‘Lou’ Allen, but for a very different reason people normally expect. For years after their mass production, he could feel an unexplained buzzing in his nerves, one that, throughout his limited childhood, he had learnt to associate with ‘shit randomly exploding around him’. Now that Anna’s… gone to space, there was no one else in the world to vouch for him, telling him that yes, his feelings are valid, and that he isn’t imagining the hum coursing through his body whenever an android comes close.

Not anymore, though. Ever since he became half-bot and perhaps half-immortal, not once has the buzz returned, which was more of an inconvenience than anything; before, he could predict whether shit was about to go downhill and be responsible and warn people, but now, there was never enough time to vacate a room before, say, the screen of a monitor cracks on its own and shatters into thousands of pieces.

The negotiator CyberLife sends almost brings back the unpleasant buzz. This android - RK800, if its - his? - jacket is to be believed - is too harmless-looking for a model designed to hunt and kill other androids who break away from their programming and the most advanced prototype CyberLife has to offer. His voice is pleasant enough, but that only makes Lou’s spine tingle and threaten to charge the air with static; a sign he has learnt to watch for before an outburst. He hides a deep inhale, listens to the android’s - Connor’s - question, and faces him when he realises that Connor won’t go away anytime soon unless he actively does something.

‘Listen, saving that girl is all that matters,’ he tells the android. The twitch of his face only slips the situation into a whole new level of uncanny valley. Since when did CyberLife allow so much life on their androids? ‘So either you deal with this fucking android now, or I’ll take care of it.’

And it’s so typical CyberLife, isn’t it? Lou thinks as he grabs his rifle and kneels behind a toppled, bullet-ridden table his team has been using for cover. There’s a girl’s life at stake, and there they are, thinking that this is a prime time to test their newest prototype as if actual human lives are merely tools they can use whenever, whatever, however. Just like my own, he thinks bitterly as the place where human flesh meets pure cybernetics aches from hunching over the desk for too long. Scrap that, cybernetics were weaved into his very muscles and nerves and changed him fundamentally, and CyberLife didn’t let him know until years after the operation. It wasn’t even someone within the company -

So anyways. Fuck CyberLife. Fuck their monopoly on the android market. Fuck them for playing god.

But orders are orders and Allen received explicit ones telling him to not interfere unless the android looks like he’s gonna fuck up, so he doesn’t have much choice but to piece everything together through comm chatter and the images from the drones flying over the patio. Whoever is in charge of creating this android, he sure as fuck hopes that they made him knowing what he’s doing.

o0o0o

A few hours later in the relative safety of his office, Lou reads over the report compiled by his people. One of the men shot down by the deviant is, thankfully, alive and recovering, but the other had drowned in the swimming pool long before they were able to do anything. He told the others to go home first, giving them enough time to digest what the fuck just happened in the penthouse, but stayed in the precinct himself just to - just to go home with everything settled. Leaving a job unfinished always makes him anxious and unable to relax at home, especially when people die under his watch, and the numb calmness of the recipient of the call - the man’s fiancé, if Lou remembers correctly - chased away what remaining sleep he is going to have for the night.

And the face. The person who came to collect Connor’s bullet-riddled body. The flickering skin above black metallic plates brushing against his armoured thigh where his cybernetics acted up from his little magic stunt. He never thought he would see them again, but well - he’s not a prophet, no fucking he is not. No more sleep for him tonight.

That is when he notices a line near the end of the report. Android took Officer Antony Deckart’s service weapon and violated P.L. 544-7 American Androids Act. Request to tighten programming to prevent further incidents, it writes, and it makes him think of the other house he has that he’s been letting… people use as a safehouse. Switching tabs, he examines the footage from the hostage situation once more. Connor had, indeed, taken the gun and even admitted to it when questioned by the deviant, but it only served to gain its trust when he threw it away. He broke protocol only to accomplish his mission, and in the end no one was harmed except for the deviant who had killed two officers. And Connor himself.

It is a tricky scenario, yes, but Lou can do tricky. Connor was just doing what he was supposed to, right?

He highlights the segment and deletes it. He deletes the previous versions of the file as well just in case CyberLife are thorough bastards, and whoever made him, Connor seemed… like an asset. Lou would hate to see all the effort go to waste.

I better not regret this.

o0o0o

As much as Lou wants to stay in bed and sleep with a cat on his chest, debriefing is still something he must do, so the next morning he finds himself facing a bunch of rebellious SWAT members who are too curious about the negotiator they didn’t manage to properly meet yesterday night.

‘That was his trial. Nothing more, nothing less. The android proved himself to be useful under situations like this. That’s all I need to say,’ he repeats for the umpteenth time. ‘I don’t think we’ll have any more missions with him, so stop asking questions. You won’t need them anyway.’

‘It was plastered all over the news, Captain,’ the newest addition to the team - Shum - says. ‘It’s CyberLife’s newest prototype created by Ryder himself. You can’t fault us for wanting to know more.’

Jim smacks her on the back of her head. ‘Led by Ryder, yes, but you can’t build an android like that alone, Shum.’

Not with the current staff CyberLife has, Lou says to himself. But he saw her. He knows. ‘Alec Ryder isn’t capable of this shit.’

‘Who else can it be, then?’ someone else - Nelson, if he remembers correctly - asks.

‘I don’t know.’ How can they have such short-term memories? ‘There’s one other Ryder on the table and she’s supposed to be dead.’

‘Wait, you mean Sara Ryder? As in the guy who got kicked out ten years ago?’

Lou gives them his best ‘who else can it be?’ look, and it is what successfully shuts everyone up.

What game are you playing this time, Ryder?

#dbh au big bang #female ryder #male ryder #dbh connor #dbh captain allen #detroit: become human #mass effect andromeda #groom lake aftermath

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the-desolated-quill · 4 years

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BBC’s The War Of The Worlds blog - Episode 1

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

I was very much looking forward to the BBC’s adaptation of the H.G. Wells sci-fi classic. How could I not? It’s the definitive alien invasion story that jump-started an entire genre of science fiction Not to mention this is the first adaptation made by a British film company and actually set in the time period it was written. I was very excited. Nothing could possibly dampen my spirits... until I learned who was writing it.

Peter Harness is a writer I’ve been less than kind to in the past. For those who don’t know, he wrote some of the worst episodes of Doctor Who. Remember that stupid story about the moon being an egg? Yeah, that was him. He also has a penchant for writing painfully forced and thinly veiled allegories with all the grace and subtlety of a ballet dancing rhino in a glow in the dark tutu. Kill The Moon, for example, was a pro life metaphor that portrayed the other side as being irrational baby killers, and his Zygon two parter was about Muslim immigration and integration, with the slimy repulsive Zygons being used as stand-ins for Muslims and non-white immigrants.

Harness’ ability to write allegorical stories about sensitive topics is... under-developed, to say the least. So naturally he’s the perfect candidate to adapt one of the most beloved sci-fi stories ever written. I mean, why not? The BBC have already ruined Sherlock Holmes, courtesy of Steven Moffat. Why stop there?

In all seriousness, while I wasn’t excited about the prospect of Harness getting his grubby mitts on War Of The Worlds, part of me hoped that maybe he could pull something out of the bag. You may recall I held a very similar negative view toward Chris Chibnall, and his first series as showrunner of Doctor Who was an extremely pleasant surprise. Maybe Harness could achieve his own metamorphosis.

He doesn’t.

The first episode of War Of The Worlds was fucking tedious to sit through. It actually looked quite promising initially. We get some nice moody shots of the surface of Mars as Eleanor Tomlinson recites the famous opening lines of the book. But then just after the opening titles, it all goes downhill.

I was sceptical when it was announced that this would be a three parter because that just seemed too much. A feature length film you could do. Maybe a two parter, at a push. But three episodes? Each an hour long? That’s going to require a lot of padding, and that’s exactly what Episode 1 is. We see the Martian cylinders launch from the planet at the beginning of the episode and it’s not until the forty minute mark where we get our first proper glimpse of the Tripods or the heat rays. So what do we get in the mean time? Mostly pointless shit.

The original War Of The Worlds book isn’t exactly remembered for its characterisation. Outside of the astronomer Ogilvy, none of the characters even have names, but to be fair to Wells, the characters themselves weren’t really the driving force of the narrative. The Martians were. The narrator, a journalist, was merely there to relay and facilitate the plot, giving us a first hand account of the subjugation of Earth. Fine for a book, but somewhat harder to get away with in a film or TV series, which is why most don’t even try. Every single adaptation of War Of The Worlds attempts to expand on the central characters to varying degrees of success, and the BBC version is no exception. But where Harness really miscalculates is in anticipating how much the audience is going to care about the characters, to which the answer is ‘not that much.’ We don’t want them to die obviously, but we’re not so interested in who they are or where they come from because they’re not the main focus. The Martians are. So to have a significant chunk of the episode focusing on their day to day lives is quite baffling. Not to mention unbelievably boring.

George, played by Rafe Spall, is living out of wedlock with Amy, played by Eleanor Tomlinson, which causes their neighbours’ tongues to clack and net curtains to twitch. The only person supporting their union is Ogilvy, played by Robert Carlysle, which is how they learn about the mysterious goings on the surface of Mars. This is all established in the first five minutes, but as I said, the Martians don’t properly show up until the forty minute mark. Until then we’re subjected to painfully forced and tediously dull ‘right on’ posturing and irrelevant social commentary that adds nothing to the core narrative.

Here’s the thing. I’ve got nothing against the idea of expanding the characters. I definitely have no problem with giving the narrator’s wife from the book more development and screen time. In fact I’m all in favour of it. What I do have a problem with, however, is when that expansion and development comes at the expense of the plot.

A man and a woman shacked up together in defiance of society is all well and good, but what does any of this have to do with War Of The Worlds? It’s not even as if Harness tries to connect this back to the story’s main themes of imperialism and colonialism. It’s mentioned that Amy was born and raised in India. Maybe if she was an Indian woman, it could have been more thematically relevant, but no. Once again we have a period drama with no people of colour because, as we all know, non-white people weren’t invented until 1962. Also, while I get that society at the time was very strict, I’m not entirely convinced George and Amy’s relationship would have been that scandalous to the point where it would have affected his career as a journalist. That just seems like a step too far and is merely there to add some artificial tension... in a story about Martians invading the Earth.

In the end it all comes down to this. Why the fuck should I care? What’s the bloody point of this? Yes it expands the characters, but it doesn’t contribute anything to the narrative. It just wastes time. Again, I must stress, we don’t get our first Martian until forty minutes into an hour long episode. Previous adaptations never felt the need to bore the audience to death with pointless shit because they knew what audiences came to see. Martians blowing shit up. Steven Spielberg’s adaptation of War Of The Worlds from 2005 didn’t piss about giving us needless exposition about Tom Cruise and his family. We’re given the basic info about the characters and their relationships within the first ten minutes before the Tripods emerge and the action gets going. The BBC version, in contrast, is just painfully slow, dictating every tiny thing about these characters even when it’s not relevant to the plot.

And the thing is, once we actually get to the bits from the actual book (you know? The bits people actually want to see?), it’s actually pretty good. The Tripod looks incredible, as was the scene in Horsell Common where we saw people getting killed by the heat ray. Unfortunately we have to slog through all this other crap before we can get to the good stuff.

Eleanor Tomlinson probably gives the strongest performance as Amy. It’s just a pity the character is so utterly uninteresting. Like I said, I’ve got nothing against giving her a bigger role than she had in the book, but it feels like Harness is more interested in showing off his feminist credentials than actually telling a story or creating a believable or likeable character. Her being an assistant to Ogilvy I think is a great idea, but it soon becomes clear that this was only done so other male scientists could comment on how unusual it is to have a woman digging up a crashed cylinder, which is kind of ridiculous because I’m pretty sure female scientists did exist back then and you don’t exactly need a penis to use a fucking shovel. Then things turn really stupid when George’s brother, played by Rupert Graves, starts blaming her for the Martian invasion, saying that everything was going fine until she came along. Exploring 19th century sexism is one thing, but this is just daft. There’s no interest in actually exploring the root causes of sexism back then. Instead Harness seems content with portraying men as being the equivalent of cartoon caricatures foaming at the mouth.

George, meanwhile, goes from being a fairly boring character to a downright hateful one when it’s revealed that he and Amy aren’t just living out of wedlock, but that he cheated on his missus because she was infertile. So not only do I not care about him, I now straight up want him to die because what the actual fuck?! And this is not helped by Rafe Spall’s incredibly wooden performance. Seriously, I’ve seen corpses with more life in them. When the Tripod first emerges, we see him stare at it in what I assume was supposed to be shock, but instead he just looked gormless. It’s honest to God one of the worst performances I think I’ve ever seen. There’s no emotional range to him whatsoever. He just blunders around wearing a confused frown on his face. It’s as if he had just wandered onto the set by mistake.

The biggest problem with this first episode is that Harness is focusing on all the wrong areas. A large segment is dedicated to George investigating the Dogger Bank incident, which seems to be an attempt at making a parallel between the UK’s tenuous relationship with Russia then and now. What this has to do with War Of The Worlds, I don’t know. There’s so far been no attempt at exploring the themes of the source material as we’re too busy with this shitty romance. There’s even a moment where we see the characters dig up the cylinder and take a photo only for the same exact scene to happen five minutes later. I mean for fuck sake!

And then there’s the pointless plot twists. First we get the cliched pregnancy reveal, then it’s revealed that the scenes we thought were on Mars turned out to actually be a post apocalyptic Earth with Amy and a seven year old kid who is presumably her son. Wait, how long has this fucking invasion been going on for?! It only lasted a couple of weeks in the book! What happened? Did the Martians get vaccinated? This just highlights to me how inept Harness is as a writer. He can’t just do a straight adaptation of War Of The Worlds. He has to engineer these pointless and utterly idiotic cliffhangers to get people to keep watching because the story and characters clearly aren’t doing that.

If I wasn’t committed to reviewing this mini-series, I honestly wouldn’t watch the rest of this. This first episode is legitimately terrible. Boring, poorly thought out and utterly, utterly clueless. Just like everything else Peter Harness has ever written. I don’t understand why he was chosen to adapt War Of The Worlds and I don’t understand why he chose to adapt it in this way. Why so much focus on pointless exposition? Why over-complicate the lives of the main characters? Why can’t they just be a normal married couple living a life of privilege until the Martians come and trample all over it? It makes no sense! Some could defend this saying it was building tension until the Martians emerged, but there’s a significant difference between making an audience nervously anticipate the Tripods arrival and making them wait impatiently for something, anything, interesting to happen.

#the war of the worlds #hg wells #peter harness #bbc #review #spoilers

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zerot0all · 5 years

Text

Little Secrets .6. | M

.BANG CHAN.

Your mind was a mess. More than usual as you sat in silence in your living room , dreading work the following day. You’ve called in sick twice this week, only to avoid the most evident person.

It’s been already a week, trying your best to avoid the one person you thought you would never worry about. The less you see him , maybe the less it will hurt , right?

Why did he make you choose?

~Because you became a jealous bitch who couldn’t handle her own rules ! ~

True. True.

Face palming yourself , you realize how deep you truly are. From being only friends , to a guy who would constantly make you smile , even if he would flirt with you- to having to choose what you want with him? This was crazy.

Especially now that you see there was always something there.

But your idea of how things should actually be has now ruined that new idea emerging. You put work in front of everything ... a priority that has even stepped forth in your emotions and any future choices.

You think of him some more ... his smile. That dimple that appears suddenly when he’s really happy. Or , how his jokes at times have horrible puns but everyone laughs because he’s a fucking great guy.

You think of his touch, his scent ... even his taste. All your senses bringing back vivid memories causing you to groan. After turning him down so many times , he was right ... you took the sex offer mighty quickly. You set yourself up badly .

He was right ... this could have been completely different if you would have just thrown your pride out the window and had given him a chance ... a real one.

Making your job number one ... was the correct thing to do. But for how long ?

Making it your priority has stopped you from actually enjoying your life. Yes, you had your dream job. Yes, you work with some amazing , talented people but at what cost?

Maybe ... it was the wrong time ... with the right person ... and well, everything seems to go downhill from there.

Luck hasn’t always been on your side ... and this was a prime example of how well you actually are by yourself.

Bringing in any sense of emotion, feeling - whether it’s physical or spiritual... can throw off your whole system.

And at the end of the day.. how well would a system work without the proper mechanics?

The answer was clear ... but the way your chest constricted made you feel like this was the worst thing you have ever experienced in your life. The heavy feeling weighing you down was dread, helplessness and maybe , if you were being honest with yourself... it could be a broken heart.

————————————-

STRAY KIDS WORLD TOUR

AMERICA & EUROPE

2019

The agenda pops up as soon as you turn on your computer , grabbing the bull by the horns and finally making it into work. You sigh, the revelation making your heart sink.

That’s right ... how could you forget ... before this even started , Stray Kids were scheduled for a world tour.

And that time ... is now.

They leave in two days.

————————————-

“Let’s run through District 9 one more time ...” His voice rang through the studio door, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand. They were practicing really hard , trying to get the last few kinks out before heading out to New York tomorrow night.

The manger saw you, smiling warmly as he let you join the intense dance practice. You hid by the music console and watched... admiring how well choreographed the guys were. Sweat dripping, shirts drenched but a smile would still linger on their weary faces.

The song ended ... making the guys begin to clap. The happiness and joy in their faces was beautiful. Too soon did Jisung see you, waving at you as he tried to get his leaders attention .... Chris.

“Uh, Chris ... Chris !” He whispers sharply , making Chris turn to him quickly. Jisung pointed at you , letting him know ... they had a visitor.

Chris cocked his head and turned , his expression dropping once his eyes met yours. Like as if he could read your mind , your body language... it’s as if he already knew what was going to happen as he stalked towards you.

“Can we talk?” You whisper , your whole body buzzing. He glanced behind his shoulder , giving the guys the international sign of ‘I need to step out’. The guys nodded , letting you both go outside into the hallway. The same hallway you had blown up on him a week ago, your jealous actions seeming almost too embarrassing now.

You both just stood there for a bit, you were nervous out of your mind while Chris was still trying to catch his breath. It may seem minutes had passed by before Chris took the initiative and spoke first.

“Y/n, look...” he tried to speak , averting your eyes till you spoke.

“I quit my job,” You blurted out.

Chris finally shot his shocked glare to you ... brows furrowed in a confused state as you bravely smiled through the pain.

“W-Wait ... what? Why?” He spat , approaching you.

You had thought about it for a while, knowing how bad you’ve wanted the job but the fact that you’ve been so far up the ass of the corporate man, it had your mind wander from what mattered most. Wanting better for yourself and achieving your life goals ... all the while falling in love with yourself.

You were so blinded with your career , you haven’t had time to restore the damage that comes with years of school and worthless jobs which hounded you like a dog. You forgot to take care of yourself ... of your well being ... of your soul.

“I ... I just think I need some time for myself. You know , get away from all this craziness and focus on myself more.” You grinned , proud at your decision but watching his face contort from surprised to relief, made your stomach tighten again.

Chris opened his mouth .. then closed it various times , a smile daring to appear.

“I’m proud of you y/n, do you girl !” He finally stated, his tired eyes seeming hurt at one point.

“Anyways, I’ll be gone for months , so I guess it will be therapeutic for the both of us.” He added, taking a seat on one of the benches.

“So... we’re good right ?” You suddenly ask, a slight fear entering your bones as you sat next to him, thinking that maybe he just wanted nothing to do with you. Chris let out a deep chuckle , his eyes meeting yours once more.

“Yeah, yeah, of course we’re good. This... this was good. I mean, I was the one who made you choose and well, you chose to be friends huh?” And like a sudden stab to your heart ... you hear his woeful tone. You remained silent , awaiting more from him as he fumbled with his fingers.

“What are you gona be doing now that you won’t be working at JYP, if you don’t mind me asking.” He sits back, watching as you look off into the empty hallway. You took a deep breath and turned to look at him.

“I have a friend who lives in Jeju, she’s going to let me stay with her for a while. Maybe work in her mother’s restaurant... maybe being close to the ocean will be good for me.” You answer him, seeming more and more relieved with yourself.

“Ah yes, your love for the sea, how could I forget that.” He says, smiling innocently. You lift your brow, amused by his words.

“How would you know how much I love the sea?” Quick witted in your sudden attitude made him smile more.

“Isn’t it obvious? Your phone screen are ocean waves , your favorite color is deep sea blue, and you keep wearing those cute little dolphin earrings along with the necklace that shows the bottom of the ocean.” He speaks confidently , making you gasp.

“I love dolphins,” You peep.

“Because you love the sea ,” he whispers , laughing as he goes to stand. Chris knowing such small details about you was ... new. Shocking to say the least .. and still, your heart shattered.

“Well, I have to go back in, but I wish you good luck!”

“Bye Christopher ,” You spoke softly as he began to walk away, waving at you like it would be the last time you see eachother . But something in his eyes gave away a desperate look. Like as if ... he had more to say.

————————————-

The following night , you laid in bed dreading the sleep you wouldn’t get. You would leave to Jeju in a few days , as soon as you get some last minute things resolved. Who knew leaving a huge company like JYP would have a shit ton of precautions.

Your cellphone rang, waking you from the sleep you were battling with. The called ID read : BangChan 💥

In a hurry , you answered without thinking about it.

“Hello,” your voice was almost nonexistent, hearing his deep breaths from the other line.

“I’m about to board the plane and I just had some drinks before hand and... and I really need to get something off my chest. Please just listen and let me speak okay...”

He seemed distracted, but you hummed a small reply.

“I...I have this little part of me that wants to hate you ... so fucking bad because of how bad I wanted you... will always want you. I did everything right , and I’m not saying that you needed to fall for me because at the end of the day I don’t deserve you. I never deserved you. I didn’t deserve to kiss you, touch you or do all those things you loved. Fuck y/n , I didn’t deserve such a great woman like you . And maybe , maybe it was because I’m not worth it” you could hear the desperation slipping along with his words. Hearing him like that , made your throat dry, choked up in sadness.

“C-Chris , please don’t,”

“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry. I ... tried. I really tried but it wasn’t good enough. Maybe in a different life .. we could make it work. Huh? Just don’t let the memory of us disappear... please ... don’t forget me.” His words hit you hard , making goosebumps come alive. Hearing him take deep breaths was good .. he was calming himself.

“I could never Chris ,” you reply, trying to hold on to your sanity.

“Y/n,” his voice became deeper, the line seeming almost silent as his breathing eases.

“Yes,”

“Call me crazy ... but do you think , if we meet in the future ... we could try ‘us’ out again? But, differently?” His question was pure , needing anything from you at this point. That was a question you’ve asked yourself plenty of times ... but you never knew what to tell yourself. But now, the question coming from him was different.

“Yes Chris,”

“Okay good, that’s good to hear. Well , i have to go. Take care y/n.” Hearing the calm take over his voice made your soul vibrate , he was a good man and you were going to miss him.

“You too... goodbye Chris,” thinking the conversation was over , nothing prepared you for his next statement.

“I love you y/n... I’ll be waiting for you.”

His words seemed to bounce around in your head and also your heart as you heard the line go dead.

Maybe in the future ... once you’ve accomplished to gain your sanity and to enjoy life for what it was ... and maybe if you two met again , it could work out.

But that was only wishful thinking ... and as far as you knew , you didn’t wish to think about the future.

Your goal was to live life... and nothing was going to be as good as the present.

THE END 🌹

————————————-

[MS]

Another story has come to its end ! I appreciate each and everyone of you who took the time to read my baby❤️ the love and support this fic received was amazing. I could never thank you all enough!

I love you all , my beautiful sinners😈

PART ONE WILL HAVE THE REST OF THE CHAPTERS LINKED.

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #stray kids bang chan #stray kids fanfiction #stray kids angst #stray kids bang chan fanfic #stray kids bang chan fanfiction #stray kids au #stray kids stories #stray kids kpop #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids smut #stray kids series #little secrets bang chan #skzwriters #skz #skz bang chan #bang chan

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sporadic-writer · 5 years

Text

Mrs. All American pt. 3

Harrison x Reader

Warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol and partying, but that’s about it

Also this may be considered long.. Idk I just wanted to write and kept going.

Summary: the three of you prep for the party.

Yeah that’s a boring summary but it’s all I got ok?

Part 1 here! Part 2 here!

°••°••°••°••°••°••°

It was around 11:45 in the morning. Tom and Harrison were hanging out in Tom's kitchen while he made some lunch. Both men had been up for a couple of hours. You however, had yet to emerge from your room.

"Should we wake her up? It's almost 12." Harrison looked to the direction of your room then back to Tom who simply shook his head no.

"Nah she usually wakes up between 10 and 1. Broad range but it's how she is. I will guess though that she will be up soon." He wiped his hands off of crumbs and looked at his sandwich. "Man I could be a chef. This looks amazing."

"Mate, last time you made soup you burnt the fucking pot so badly you had to throw it out."

Rolling his eyes he replied. "Yeah but no heat involved this time so all is good." He turned to clean up and get a drink and failed to see you come up to the island.

You smirked and made a shush motion to Harrison. Quietly, you grabbed the plate and moved to sit next to Harrison. Then you grabbed half of the sandwich and took a bite. It was around then that Tom turned around and noticed you.

"Hey sleeping beauty made it up before 12. Proud of you!" He seemed to take no notice of the theft that took place. Grabbing his cup he took a sip and turned back around. You suppressed a laugh along with Harrison. Then he turned back around and went to grab where his plate was. He stopped as you were on your second bite. Confused, he looked around and then his eyes met yours. While chewing you maintained eye contact. "You bitch! Give that back!" He leaned over and snatched the plate. At this point everyone was laughing.

"Dude that didn't even click right away for you. I got 2 bites deep. Tasty by the way."

"I made that myself. You don't deserve it!" You noticed the purpose and guard he had while eating. You simply laughed more. While sitting you felt Harrison's hand on your back and heard him speak up.

"Let him have it love. It apparently is a major accomplishment in his life that he performed a basic life skill." Tom flipped his friend off and you slipped off the chair. Moving around the island you brushed your hand on Harrison's arm, mentally noting how strong he felt. You were a sucker for nice arms and good abs and Harrison was the jackpot for both in your eyes. The abs were yet to be seen, but you knew. Call it female intuition.

"Tom, not being able to cook just confirms the privileged actor stereotype. Don't let the haters be right. Now where do you keep your pans. I'm makin’ eggs." He told you were they were and you began preparing your breakfast.

With your back turned you didn't see a set of blue eyes look at you fondly. However, your ears heard him speak to you. "You know how to cook?" He saw you nod yes. "Lovely! Now teach Tom here. You really are just light years ahead of him."

"Oh I am. Speaking of being better than you! When do you want to do that rematch boy?" You looked at him, away from your pan of scrambling eggs. Although, Harrison was in the dark.

Tom scoffed. "We can do it whenever you want. You won on because of lag and I still call bullshit."

"Anyone want to fill me in?" Harrison felt the slightest ping of jealousy that you and Tom had inside jokes and stories. He knew that you knew him longer and all that. But he pushed it down. After all, you weren't kissing Tom on the couch last night.

Your voice brought him back to reality. "He and I played a series of Call of Duty: World War 2 games and I won overall and he got pissy. He also claims I only won because of lag on his end. I say he's a sore loser." As you finished your sentence you plated your eggs and stuck your tongue out. Then you sat back down next to Harrison.

"When you're done I'm kicking your ass." In a condescending manner, you nodded your head to play along. You sat and ate your eggs while he finished his sandwich.

Eventually both of you finished your food and Tom dragged you to the couch and turned on the TV.

"Can we use the Xbox? I'm trash on Playstation."

He groaned. "Fine. Either way I'll win. But we play a few public rounds to warm up and then I pick the first style of game we play."

"Whatever. Neither of us has played in a hot minute so let's see how this goes." You cracked your knuckles and the 3rd person in the room simply watched in amusement. Plus, he thought it was kind of attractive you knew how to play video games. You were cool as hell, played video games, and could cook. He found the most well rounded girl in the world. He watched both of you play some team deathmatch and he had to admit, you weren't horrible. You knew what you were doing and held your own.

Tom left the lobby and you looked at him. "Ok I've gone positive the whole time. So I am either set or it's all downhill from here. How about instead of 1v1 we just see who does better each round of a public game? 1v1 is boring."

"Fine but I'm picking the first game." His voice got sly and he smirked. You watched in fear as he selected your worst game mode. "Get fucked Y/N."

"Noo can't we just play regular team deathmatch or like kill confirmed? People kick my ass in any hardcore mode."

The non-player spoke up to settle everything. "Just play free for all and whoever is higher is better. Duh."

You and Tom looked at each other and agreed. Then you made your classes and played for a while. Harrison tried to make a joke about you only using SMGs and like 1 assault rifle. All you did was respond with a “careful Harrison” in a warning tone and he backed down while laughing. In the end, Tom came out better than you by 2 games. Once Tom got his moment of being a sore winner out of his system you asked the boys how the party was going to happen. Harrison spoke first.

“I say we go to the liquor store first. I want to see the guys face of us buying so much shit before 2 pm.” He came up behind you on the couch. You leaned your head back and smiled up at the blue eyes above you. He winked at you in a flirty manner.

Picking your head back up you looked to Tom. “Now Tom, not to be a smart ass,” he scoffed, “shut it. But will people say something about you running into a liquor store then buying a ton?” You looked at him and he went into thought.

“I guess it wouldn’t look great for someone through Disney to clean them out. But take my card when you go. I will get food and some stuff. That way it looks fine. Plus, we can still get trashed.” Everyone agreed with that plan. “Ok so Haz you and Y/N go get the booze, enough to make all our livers cry, and I will get other stuff. Meet back here.”

So you and Harrison went off to the store after you changed into some shorts. Luckily, booze was a generally understood and universal concept. Everything was sorted out as usual, but this time there was a few different European selections, and an American section.

“So what do you want? Tom made the mistake of leaving us his card, so we can get top shelf stuff.” Harrison looked to you with mischief in his eyes. You liked it, but the good friend in you told him no need to go crazy.

Walking towards the vodka, grabbing some schnapps, you turned to scold him. “I am not taking advantage of my rich friend. I will get some stuff on my own. But I don’t see the harm in the bulk coming from him. Nothing crazy though, we get a lot and get make sure we get drunker than a French skunk. Put down the Everclear! I did that my freshman year and don’t remember a thing past the second shot.”

“That’s impressive! But fine at least grab the Ciroc and that kind of nice stuff. If we are going all out for this then we are doing it right. No protests! You only party in London once love.” He grabbed some various vodka bottles and you got a couple other varieties of rum, whisky, and some silver tequila. Between you both you looked like you could restock the busiest pub in town.

As you were walking out of the store you asked him, “Hey wait. Who all is coming to this tonight anyway? I only know you, Tom, and his family.”

“Uh I think the twins, some of his Marvel friends, and some of our friends along with co-stars.” He spoke as if it was a normal thing to casual get trashed with celebrities. However, you stopped right at the car.

“I’m sorry did you say Marvel people and co-stars?! Like it’s nothing? I can’t meet famous people! And I for sure can’t get trashed in front of them.” You looked at him as if he had lost his mind.

The bafflement on his face was clear. “Why not? You know Tom. They are normal people. It’ll be fine. We don’t hate your presence, neither will they. And they don’t care if you get drunk. I have seen plenty of Tom’s Marvel co-stars get very drunk. The co-stars are around our age it’s fine.” His words made you feel a little better, but the nerves were there regardless. Both of you drove back and carried everything into Tom’s apartment. He turned to you both as you came in.

“Awesome you’re back. The food, pizza mainly, is ordered and will be here on time. People will start showing up around 7 I think.” You nodded. That gave you plenty of time to get ready. Since celebs were going to be there, you wanted to look your best. Tom spoke again and snapped you out of your planning. “I say we be ready by 6 or half past and pregame just us."

"Works for me. I am going to make a drink myself to sip on while I get ready."

"Y/N you literally have like 3 hours." The boys looked at you like you were crazy.

"True. But I like getting ready early so it can settle and I am not rushed. I like to take my time. Don't worry I'll be ready before 6." You made a vodka cranberry and walked off to start your process. Admitting it to no one, you were excited to get ready. This kind of stuff was fun, you got in the zone and did your thing. Eventually, you found yourself in a towel trying to work the shower. Every time you use a new shower, it’s like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube. You sighed and gave up hope.

From the main room the boys heard you yell that you can’t work the shower. Both looked at each other after. Tom smirked and looked back to his phone. “You go. I know you want to.” When Harrison didn’t move he spoke again. “What are you waiting for?! A hot girl is waiting in a towel. Have you ever seen American Pie?”

“Shut it mate. You’re an idiot.” He got up and started walking towards where you called from.

From the couch the actor mumbled, “At least I didn’t freeze when a girl called needing help with the shower.”

You heard the knock at the door and said come in. Expecting Tom, you smiled when Harrison walked in instead. “Sorry.. I just don’t know how to get the water started.”

“It’s fine love.” You thought it was cute how he was trying, trying, to look anywhere but you. What a gentleman you thought. The smile on your face and the blush on his was adorable.

“Harrison, you’re allowed to look at me. It’s a towel, not the direct blaze of the sun.” His blue eyes met your e/c ones and he smiled faintly at you.

Turning the water on then scratching the back on his neck he smiled again and said, “Sorry, I just didn’t want to be rude.”

He started walking out and you said it’s totally fine and that you didn’t mind. As he shut the door you thanked him and slipped in. Music playing and you singing along put you in a good mood. Taking your time, you enjoyed the hot water with your nice travel products. Plus,Tom had a nice shower.

Soon your shower was done and you slipped out to your room. Keeping the towel on you put on some lotion, brushed your hair, put in some product, and sat down to begin your makeup. This didn’t take long, it was just that you took your time to get it right. You kept YouTube music and videos playing. Hair drying, drink being drank, and makeup looking on point made you feel damn good. It’s like Iiza Shlesinger said, ‘You know when you look hot.’ Your clothes weren’t even on and you felt great. The nerves of famous people being around lessened. You were relaxed. Next thing you did was drop the towel and put your outfit on. Luckily, you asked Tom what kind of a party this was going to be. He told you to dress like you were going to a casual club with your friends; so a simple but sexy outfit. No need to dress for a popular club in LA or New York, but not jeans or basic stuff. This was more than your college parties so you put your simple black dress. It was the kind that could be worn at a party, a cocktail dinner, or even a funeral (not to be morbid, but to note that it is still formal and not too slutty) it just mattered how you worked it. Zipping it up, you grabbed your black platforms and stood up. Unlike most girls, you liked wearing heels. Yes, they hurt by the end of the night but it was fine. Not to mention, at school you didn’t wear them out too much since you would walk back around outside more. That and you were typically lit when you did. Friends leaning on each other were no held if they were just as gone. But not tonight! For the finishing touches you swapped out a couple rings, put on your leather and Alex and Ani bracelets, and your earrings and necklace. Doing one final look over in the mirror, you were satisfied. The time read 5:38. Perfect. Spraying some perfume on, you went to see what the boys were doing.

Walking out you heard the microwave go off and smelled popcorn. You noticed Tom was in a nicer shirt and shoes. Harrison changed as well into some more appropriate clothes. His jeans were darker and his red shirt looked good in contrast to his light hair, which was brushed and styled a little. As Tom turned with the popcorn, he heard the clack of your heels as you approached and leaned on the island. He whistled lightly, you blushed and smiled, and Harrison looked up and his jaw dropped. Never before had you made a man’s jaw drop and it simply added to your confidence.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I am ready to party.” Your eyes lingered on Harrison and the corner of your lips turned up. You finished your drink and took a grab at the popcorn. Tom made you a new one while Harrison kept his eyes on you. He took in how you looked more dressed up compared to your cute and casual looks from before. In his mind, you looked sexy. No doubt about it.

Despite his mind being rattled, “Y/N you look great,” is all he managed to get out.

Tom nodded and set out three shot glasses. “I gotta agree. On vacation you never dressed like this.”

“Well that was me in high school. An awkward dork who didn’t do this stuff that often. Let alone know how to do it well. But I have a few years of college under my belt. You haven’t seen me in action Tom.” The shot glasses were filled with Ciroc. You all cheered and downed the shots. When you didn’t wince, both became impressed. Even they coughed or cringed a bit. You grabbed another. You could hold you liquor quite well and knew a couple shots to start would be fine until later tonight. After downing the second easily you walked over to Harrison and put your hand on his shoulder. His arm went to your waist.

From the other side of the island Tom just looked at your shot glass, back to you, smiled and said, “Shit. This is gonna be a great night.”

°••°••°••°••°••°••°

Next chapter will be the party. Sorry if this wasn’t enough Harrison and stuff, you don’t like the swearing, or the booze was something you didn’t like.. Also, this may be boring to you. Idk I like the “domestic” and simple writing sometimes. Nice filler and fun is always good.

As always, I hope those who read liked it. Feel free to comment, like, and reblog!

#harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield fanfiction #fanfic #writing #ik its probs trash #sorry lol

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swiftdec13 · 6 years

Text

Meeting Taylor 7/27/2018

Ok... Get ready for a WILD ride.

Flashback to May 25, 2018. I flew to Denver to see Taylor with my best friend. He moved across the country after high school and we always make sure that we see a show wherever he is living at the time (he moves around a lot) and where I am, which is always Upstate, NY because I’m a homebody!!!

SO, this is where life started to take a downhill for me. Before getting on the plane, I had a panic attack and I wasn’t even sure if I was going to make it to Denver. I kept reminding myself, it’s for Taylor, you have to go, it’s for Taylor. I was SO sick the entire time in Denver from anxiety. On show night, we found out that our seats were right at the barricade that Taylor was going to walk through and naturally, I was balling my eyes out, I could NOT believe that I was going to be THAT close to Taylor. I have seen Taylor live 8 times altogether throughout the years and NEVER have I EVER been able to be standing within an arms reach of her!!!!

The show was rough. As I mentioned before, I was feeling SO sick. At one point I legit thought I was going to have to get security to help me out BUT I kept telling myself, you are NOT missing the chance of being able to grab Taylor’s hand, NO WAY NOT HAPPENING. So it was time for her to walk through the crowd and Mitch got mine and his reaction on tape, which was actually really hysterical so I posted it on Tumblr in hopes that Taylor would see it because seriously ya’ll it was priceless.

So, fast forward to June 15. I was laying in bed minding my own business, reblogging my posts as per usual and ALL OF A SUDDEN, my Tumblr starts BLOWING up. Taylor had liked the video of Mitch and I... not only that, she straight up LURKED me and liked 7 things, including a selfie and I DIED. I called Mitchel and was BALLING, I’m pretty sure that he thought an emergency was happening but once I told him, we were both FREAKING out, we couldn’t believe it. Taylor and I have been mutuals for like 4 years and this was the first time she properly noticed me and I was living a dream.

Alright, fast forward again to the beginning of July. I was sitting in the movies with Mitch while he was visiting and my entire body started shaking for no reason. I could not calm it down for the life of me. It continued to shake all night and I felt SO sick. The next morning, the 4th of July actually, I told my Mom for the first time that I thought I was suffering from an anxiety breakdown. We went to on call wondering if maybe it was dehydration but, everything checked out normal. I called my Dr. straight away and the office was closed for 5 days straight. For 5 days, I laid on my couch, sicker than I have ever been in my entire life. So nauseous, my body shaking off and on, it was literal hell. I finally got to the Dr’s. and explained to her that I believed I was suffering from major anxiety that just popped up and overtook me. She agreed and I started to see a therapist and began medicine. Ok, the first night on the medicine, I about DIED, I was so sick, getting sick in the trash can, with a non stop shaking body and I was so scared. I called my Aunt and cried and told her I needed to go to the hospital. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t move, I just wanted to die. My Aunt came over the next day and we sat down with my Mom trying to figure out what to do and I went to stay with my Aunt for a week because she has been through something similar. That week, was the scariest week of my life. I couldn’t go out in public, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I felt nauseous 24/7 and all I did was cry.

OK, FAST FORWARD AGAIN, so now I’m like 2 weeks into my medicine and the Dr. said about 10 days things should start improving but you don’t see full effects until about week 6. SO, I still feel nauseous daily and my appetite is just starting to return. It’s still difficult to go out in public and my hands pretty much shake non stop, which is really annoying. I keep making myself go out every day because I know that it will be beneficial. SO, it’s a week before the Gillette shows and I had tickets to all three nights. I knew that there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to be able to go with how sick I’ve been. I called Mitch and sadly told him that I had to call everything off, and when I say sadly, I mean, SADLY. I was so depressed. That weekend is all that I was looking forward too all summer and I wasn’t strong enough to go. Mitch being the great friend that he is only cared about my health so he understood completely.

FAST FORWARD to Tuesday, July 24th. I was leaving my therapist appointment and ALL OF A SUDDEN, around 12:30 in the afternoon, I have a DM from Taylor Nation. SO, I try to remain as calm as possible, because, anxiety, and I called Mitchel and staying calm didn’t work out so well. I was SO sick waiting for that phone call. Around 6:45 in the evening, I got a phone call from a New York caller and I FREAKIN’ REJECTED THE CALL BY ACCIDENT. I called back over and over and left a voicemail and talk about SICK. I couldn’t sleep the entire night, and my stupid body was shaking again, and I thought that was my one chance to meet Taylor and I freakin’ BLEW IT.

SO, the next morning, Wednesday, sick as shit again, I just prayed to GOD that they called me back. A little after 11 in the afternoon, I got a call again from a New York number and it was Taylor Nation and PHEW thank you LORD. SO I gave her all of my information and she was super nice. Later that day everything was confirmed for meeting Taylor Friday and WOW what a DREAM.

Now the nerves set in. I had no idea how I was going to survive this trip. The night before, Thursday, I was a nervous wreck. I was so sick, legit like leaning over toilet dying and I was so scared. I was just praying that somehow I could myself together because I could NOT miss this opportunity. The next morning, I was feeling pretty calm and I was READY TO MEET TAYLOR SWIFT. I picked Mitch up around 8 am and we set off to Massachusetts. As the day went on, my anxiety started popping up here and there but it was manageable, I just kept reminding myself that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I’ve been waiting 12 years for and my stupid anxiety was NOT going to ruin it for me.

So we had to pick up the meet and greet paper at will call between 4-5 pm on Friday. This is when the nerves really started kicking in because other people were waiting for the paper too and it just wasn’t coming and we were all freaking out. FINALLY the paper came closer to 5. So, we went through security and the paper said to ask the guards for help. I went up to a group of security guards and they kept telling me, were told there was no meet and greets for this show, where did you get this paper? I was trying to explain and the guy TOOK MY PAPER AND WALKED AWAY and I wanted to DIE. He came back and goes yea, no meet and greets, after using his walkie talkie, So, I SNATCHED THAT PAPER SO QUICK AND SAID, I’LL FIND IT MYSELF THANK YOU!!!!!

I’m FREAKING out at this point because neither Mitchel or myself know where to go or what to do and we had 20 mins. at this point to get there. I ran into amazing Tumblr people who literally ran around the stadium trying to help me. I’ll be forever grateful to that group of girls because not only did they help us find the meeting spot, they stayed with us the entire time until we went backstage reassuring me that everything would be ok. At this point, the stadium is legit SPINNING and Mitch just kept telling me to breathe and take a minute to myself.

We finally get backstage and I CANNOT BELIEVE that I’m standing inside of the REP ROOM. There was polaroid cameras that we got to use and water and sodas for us. I’m not sure how long we were in there before meeting Taylor but, it felt like a lifetime and I was slowly sinking ship. FINALLY it’s time to start lining up to meet Taylor. Mitch and I were called second. We had talked in the car about what we wanted to say, etc. and keep in mind that originally I wanted to ask Taylor to sing Change, I’ve been posting it on Tumblr for months, but I told Mitch to forget about it because I was like, she never will. Before going into REP ROOM I ran into another Tumblr Swiftie and Taylor had told her the night before that she was thinking about singing Change for Friday night and I ABOUT DIED CRYING BEFORE EVEN GOING IN TO MEET TAYLOR. I COULDN’T BELIEVE??? DID SHE SEE MY POSTS??? HOW WAS MY LUCK FALLING INTO PLACE LIKE THAT??? THIS NEVER HAPPENS IN MY LIFE.

SO, it’s our turn to go in. I pushed Mitch in first because I was legit SCARED LOL. Mitch walked in and I followed closely behind and Taylor goes, oh heyyyyy, like she knew us forever. She hugged Mitchel and then hugged me. She goes, look at you guys, you look so good, I love the snake vibes you have going on!!!! Mitchel goes, WOW you’re so tall!!!! Are you wearing heels??? Taylor laughed and was like I know right, I am so tall, but yes, I’m also wearing heels. Mitch then proceeded to remind me to give Taylor the snake ring that I had for her, mind you I have yet to say anything because I was just IN SHOCK. She is so beautiful, and WOW like in person she’s not even real??? So, I hand her the ring and she puts it on and says oh my gosh thank you so much!!!!! SO there was like an awkward silence and finally I turn to Mitch and I go, I’m going to start crying, and I turn back to Taylor and I am full on UGLY CRYING SOBBING at this point. She was looking me in the eye, like she genuinely cared about what I had to say, and I said, I’m having a really hard summer and I just wanted to thank you for wanting to meet me. Taylor goes, aw of course, and I said, I just sit and listen to Change and I know that things will get better, your music helps me so much. Taylor’s eyes, I can’t even explain her facial expression like she genuinely felt my pain and cared so much. She hugged me and she was like I’m so sorry that you’re having a hard summer, I hate hard summers. Then when she let go she goes, would you like me to sing that song for you tonight? I was like yes thank you so much... she was like yea? That would be good? I haven’t played it in like 8 years but I can make it happen. I’m still full on sobbing guys.

She goes should we take a picture?? So we walked over to the picture spot and Mitch goes, what side Britt, and Taylor laughed and goes, yea get your good side girl. At this point I’m so zoned out, I couldn’t even remember what I did for the picture. I don’t even remember Taylor’s head leaning on mine hahaha. SO, after the picture, Taylor hugged Mitch again and then came over to me hugged me for SO LONG GUYS. Like, legit I start sobbing again over her shoulder and she was like, I hope that your summer gets better because you don’t deserve this. It will get better, because these things will change, right? and I said right... and still full on sobbing. So we said bye and I said thank you, and I honestly can’t remember what I last said. I just remember I heard Taylor like sigh, a sigh like oh my gosh, poor girl, LOL. I never even once said I love you and you mean so much to me??? What’s wrong with me!!!!

ANYWAYS, flash forward to the show. At this point, I’m really losing steam. I can feel my body so tense and so nervous and the nausea started to return but I kept telling myself, you need to make it to the surprise song, there’s NO WAY you can miss this. So, FINALLY it’s that time. I had NO idea that Taylor was going to legit CALL ME OUT ON STAGE and basically dedicate Change to me but I was full on SOBBING AGAIN. I looked around the stadium and felt like 60,000 people were telling me to keep fighting because these things will change and I can’t even describe the feeling that went through my body.

There are NO words to express how grateful I am that Taylor did all of this for me. I don’t know what I did to deserve this all but, it was worth the 12 years of standing on the sidelines wishing for that moment. I still have a long battle to fight but I’m never giving up because these things will change, can you feel it now? Thank you so much, @taylorswift this night meant SO much to me. I love you!!!

#reptourfoxborough #reproom #m&g #meet and greet #taylor swift #gillette night two #taylornation #rep room story

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klebdieblazer1982-blog · 5 years

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For the students running the F Campaign at Wits, the black women who are tired of patriarchy in the student movements, for black people in South Africa in general but, especially in the first three weeks of January 2016, for the immigrants suffering racist attacks in Europe, for the little black girl who doesn like her hair, for the guy who uses skin lighteners and is considering rhinoplasty this song and video is a powerful homage to the black struggles for mental, spiritual, social and economic liberation. It an get it from someone powerful enough to turn our daily meows against all this shit into a reverberating roar. And it feels good to take this for what it is a gift from a pop star, not the answer to our problems.. You can often see a direct link between artists like 3 6 and groups like SuicideBoys. And shit, even if you listen to things like D Rose by Lil Pump you can see the dark, heavy influence of early Memphis rap. Same with artists like Lil Ugly Mane and and my personal favorite, Tommy Wright III.. Looks shiny at first, but dries to an acceptably satin appearance (I appreciate the slight sheen anyways). It probably dries half as fast as Bior but I found it easier to spread, easier to apply enough of, and less shiny once dried. I didn notice any white cast at all, but I quite pale so ymmv.. I the SO with the roommate. My bf lives alone. I spend the night as his place, but my place is more comfortable 고흥출장샵 for hanging out (his apt is small and I have a full size living room, for example). Edit: Note that the reason I say they use real medicine to create poison is because homeopathy works on the (delusional) premise that a substance which causes an effect in a healthy person will have the opposite effect in a sick person if it goes through the homeopathic process. Homeopathic sleep medicine will be super diluted stimulants. So. I don know many women who cared which VS model was who when buying underwear. People want inclusive brands now. I think the unattainable, airbrushed size 2 women being their main model choice is also what shot them in the foot. You should also stop trying to imagine how existence can emerge from non existence. That not how this works. Instead, just think of existence always being the case: there has never been literal nothingness. There was so much news reports of the Pokemon craze between 1999 and 2000. To the point where people thought it was a fad. Little did the public know of how huge Pokemon would become when it first got revealed at E3 1998 in the US.. Liquid foundations are available in water based and oil based formulas, and each type has a slightly different look to better match your particular needs. Water based foundations blend more easily over the face, giving the skin a smooth, even look with a little bit of shine. Water based formulas typically work well for people with oily or acne prone skin. The relationship was going downhill for me (not for her she thought that we could get past the fact that we have contradicting personalities and desires in life with just the fact that we loved one another). So it ended up being a perfect time to end the relationship. She still doesn believe 고흥출장샵 it and is still in love with me. Hopefully you will encounter non Hun wives there! We been at our current base for over half a year and I still haven managed to make any close friends. But that probably because I extremely introverted until I get to know someone better. (And also because a lot of these wives shill MLM products!). I definitely am spending too much time playing games to earn TP compared to how much I earn an hour from my day job, but I refuse to load a lot of money out of principal. And I'll only load if I'm on the verge of winning and don't have any credit. So earning TP through tapjoy is the only acceptable alternative for me since I figured I'm not 100% productive with my time anyways.

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welcometophu · 5 years

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Not Your Love Song: Chapter 34

Marked Book 2: Not Your Love Song

Chapter 34

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Sometimes it’s easier to take the instruments he needs over to Thorne’s so they can rehearse and work on new music there. Thorne’s room is huge, and as long as Casey and Prim aren’t around, the apartment is quiet enough to get work done. They’ve got Thorne’s laptop set up on his desk, pointing toward the space they’ve carved out for his instruments, where they’ve already been working for a solid couple of hours.

Rory’s tired but ready to keep going. However, Thorne’s mood has been steadily going downhill throughout the session. Thorne sets his guitar back on its stand, then stretches.

“We aren’t done yet!” Stormy calls out from the laptop. “Close, yes, but I think we’ve still got—”

“We need Andy,” Thorne says flatly. He grabs the stool next to his keyboards, turns the instrument on with a flick of his thumb before running a set of scales with deft fingertips.

“He’s with Melanie.” Rory’s phone is buzzing somewhere, and he wants to find it before he starts anything else. The sound is getting under his skin. He finds the phone under two notebooks—one his, one Thorne’s—on Thorne’s desk.

What?

Just the one message, stark and bright on the screen, but he’s got a dozen notifications. He hunches over as he opens the app to see messages from Kit, Mattie, and Stormy. He doesn’t even bother opening the latter, simply calls out, “You don’t need to text me. I can hear you fine.”

“You’re looking at your phone instead of paying attention,” Stormy says, emphasizing her point with a quick riff on her drums. “Thorne keeps switching instruments and songs and I don’t know what he’s playing right now. That isn’t one of ours, is it?”

“It’s something I’ve been working on with Rory’s RA,” Thorne says, picking out the notes, sliding from simple melody into a line that includes the harmony. “TJ is a dancer, and his spring project is to choreograph a group. He and I came up with this, and he’s started the choreography with the bare bones I recorded from him. I need to get help to flesh it out and to play live for his final recital.”

“I thought recitals were only for little kids,” Stormy says.

“TJ is majoring in dance. It’s his life,” Thorne replies, the sound drifting back to only the melody line. “I think he’ll be doing performances for a long, long time.”

As long as they keep bantering, it gives Rory time to check his messages. He sinks down into the nearest chair, thumbs open the message from Mattie first so he can reply to her simple what.

I think Kit’s doing something that is going to attract attention, he’d sent earlier. Now he tries to figure out how to clarify it, as he describes what he knows of the plan. They’re going to rescue his old friend from the dreamscape. Kit’s got art he created through magic, and his sister’s going to travel like she did when they rescued you. Is that big enough to pull in shadows?

He switches conversations, brings up Kit’s. They’d been chatting back and forth early in the day, but Kit had gone quiet when they got in the car. We’re almost there, Kit sent a half hour ago. I’m nervous. I know Carolyn and Del have more work to do than me, but I’m nervous about what we’re going to see in there. About getting trapped in there with Sam.

And another text, from a few minutes ago. We’re here and we’re going in. Wish us luck.

Rory may be too late to reach him before the ritual. He may be too late with Mattie as well.

Luck, he sends to Kit. Come back, okay? Text me when you’re safe again.

He’s pleased that Kit at least sends back a simple, I will.

Mattie hasn’t replied, but Rory sends her one more quick text. They’re starting any minute. If you can help, please keep Kit safe.

Stormy coughs, and Rory lowers his phone. “If you’re done?” she asks.

“Are you in teacher mode?” Rory asks, but he does put the phone away. He’s done what he can, and if it starts buzzing again in his pocket he’s going to grab it. But for now, there’s not much else he can do.

“I think we need to talk about elephant in the room,” Stormy says quietly. She has one drumstick in her hand, rolling it through her fingers one at a time. “Or rather, the bassist not in the room.”

This would be a conversation Rory would rather not have right now. He crosses his arms, bites his tongue.

Thorne plays a minor chord on the keyboard, lets it reverberate for a moment before he turns the instrument off. “We have to replace him.”

“When summer’s over,” Rory counters. They only have a couple of months of school before the tour and he doesn’t want to think about trying to get a new member up to speed before they hit the road in May.

“We have a schedule of dates,” Stormy says. Her tone is sober, and she holds up a piece of paper to the camera. It’s blurry from that distance, so Thorne holds up a finger and replaces her image on his laptop with the schedule Mom sent in email.

It’s a blend of dates that mix appearances with the big outdoor festival while it’s traveling in the northeast with a few club dates on the off days, and mini tour with Trish that goes out across Ohio and down through Kentucky into Tennessee before turning west into Arkansas and Missouri and traveling north again to wind between a few dates in the States and some just over the border in Canada. It looks like they’ll be on the road for three weeks with that, and spending the Fourth of July in Nashville.

“Did you give Mom’s contact info to Trish?” Rory asks.

“I did,” Stormy calls out. “I like your folksy friend. It sounded like fun.”

“Our music—”

“Is completely different, yes, but it has thematic similarities,” Stormy interrupts. “Like I said, it’ll be fun. And smaller dates. More intimate shows, getting back to our older roots. Plus, Melanie loves country and folk music, so she’ll be coming along for those dates.”

Oh.

“Where?” Thorne says.

“Where what?” Stormy asks, like she hasn’t just dropped a giant bomb. Maybe she thinks she hasn’t. She goes to school closer to Andy than they do. She’s met Melanie more than a few times. But to Rory she’s just a stranger who’s gotten between them all and is taking Andy away from the band.

He knows she’s probably a nice girl. Smart. She must be if she’s going to medical school.

Shit. Rory’s dating a pre-med student, too. What if Kit…? No, he can’t imagine Kit ever making Rory decide between music and a relationship. And it’s way to soon to even think about it that way, anyway. Still, it makes him wonder something.

“Is Andy quitting because he wants to, or because he thinks Melanie wants him to?” Rory asks slowly. “Does anyone know if she actually asked him to stop?”

“I did think it might be interesting to have him see what it’d be like if he didn’t quit,” Stormy says idly.

“Where is she traveling?” Thorne says. “Where is she sleeping? We have a van full of equipment and a motel room. I don’t think she’s going to want to—”

“We have a budget this year; I worked it out with your mom.” Stormy interrupts him. “Put the camera back on me, please.” Rory closes the document, brings the camera and app back into focus to find Stormy waving at them. She sits back, juggling her drumsticks. “I thought this through, guys. Andy’s a part of Phoenix Rising and I don’t want to see him go any more than you do. So I’m being evil and trying to lure him into staying.”

“By bringing his girlfriend on tour.”

“By making him see that he can compromise,” Stormy counters Thorne’s words. “We’ll be getting three rooms in each motel, and Trish will be hauling her trailer and parking it so she doesn’t need a room. Andy and Melanie get one room. We three can figure out how to split the other two depending on what’s happening each night.”

Rory actually appreciates that idea. Sometimes it’s nice to be able to say he wants a room of his own, a chance for some peace and quiet after a show. And sometimes it’s nice to be able to lock Thorne into a different room. The van is off-limits for all Thorne activities; they laid down that ground rule years ago. On the other hand, Rory has slept in the van more nights than he can count just to get that peace and quiet.

He picks up his guitar, runs his fingers along the neck, idly fretting through chords without playing. Stormy taps her drumsticks, and Rory picks up the beat, finding the song they’d been working on. Thorne takes the cue as Rory and Stormy hold on the intro, cycling through the phrases over and over until he comes in with the rhythm guitar.

The words change slightly every time Thorne sings, but that’s what this phase is, tuning the lyrics and melody until it takes shape into the final song. This one’s starting to find that form, growing into a butterfly emerging from an awkward chrysalis.

Right.

Rory grabs his notebook, jots down a few words before he drops it. That’s nowhere near ready for snippets yet; it’s barely a thought. But it’s something.

“Again,” Stormy orders, tapping out the rhythm, and this time they all hit the ground running from the start.

They do the song three more times straight through, and it’s starting to come together and feel cohesive. Rory doesn’t want to think about what it’ll be like when Andy finally joins them for practice, whether he’ll upset the flow, or maybe he’ll fit right in.

Sweat drips from Stormy’s hair as it falls across her face. “Okay, five minute bio break. I need more water.” She pushes away, the cymbals on her drum kit rattling as she moves.

“Do you ever wonder what Stormy’s roommate thinks of the drum kit?” Thorne asks, and Rory snorts. Rory figures it’s not just her roommates who notice the kit; it’s her whole floor, or building. Thorne’s sense of scale is obviously off.

Rory pulls out his phone. No message from Kit yet, but Mattie sent, I’ll take care of it. They’ll be safe. Nothing after that, but Rory feels better knowing that she’ll try to protect them.

Stormy slides back into her spot in front of the camera, picks up her drumsticks. “So. Again?”

“Switch songs.” Thorne runs through a riff, and Rory copies him. They shift from piece to piece, working through about eight songs that are nearly done, and playing around with the nascent bits of a dozen others. Rory knows they need to get at least ten into final form, preferably more, before May comes.

He has no idea when they’re going to fit recording into their schedules, especially if Andy leaves the band, but they have to plan for it. And rehearse and be ready.

Thorne keeps notes on every song, making his own cryptic comments on song order and tiny changes they can make so the album flows. He practices riffs with Stormy, and the three of them toss snippets back and forth as the music grows.

It’s productive, and Rory feels good about it when they finally pause. Thorne heads for the door to get the pizza they ordered, and Stormy puts her drumsticks down as she leans toward the camera.

“Rory,” she says softly.

“Hm?” He pushes his hair out of his face, grabs a towel to mop the sweat away. It’s not like a performance, but it’s still a workout practicing like this. Getting lost in the music takes a toll.

“I don’t want to talk about replacing him until summer’s over,” she says quietly. “I know Thorne’s angry, and he just wants to move on. He wants to cut ties and make sure Andy knows how angry he is—”

“You both exploded about it,” Rory reminds her.

“And I’ve calmed down a little thinking about it. Besides, I’m trying to be devious here, and Thorne just wants to bull ahead.” She wrinkles her nose, sits back from the camera. “Are you in for it, though? We wait until the end of summer, and we have Melanie along for the July dates, and in August we’ll figure it out.”

“Won’t Melanie decide where she’s going to school sooner than that?” It seems like no matter what they do, Melanie’s choice of schools is going through a wrench in the works. Andy’s going to follow her.

“It’s looking more and more like UVM,” Stormy says. She taps her fingers, unable to just stop moving. “So he’ll be in Vermont. And we could work around it, you know that. And if you stay with Kit, he’s going to do the same thing someday—”

“That’s a long time away.” Rory cuts her off, because he’s not ready to think about it like that. “I don’t even know what’s happening this summer other than I’m going on tour.”

Stormy nods, sitting upright as Thorne comes back in with the pizza. “Hey, that looks good. Any chance you can put some through the camera for a hungry girl?”

Thorne opens the box, holds a slice up close. “Mm, so good,” he says, taking a bite.

“Asshole. Are we done here so I can get my own pizza?” Stormy starts cleaning up on her side as Thorne nods. “Good. And oh hey, Thorne? We’re not replacing Andy until end of summer. After we record. It’ll be easier if we just get the tour and recording done and don’t have to worry about getting someone new up to speed. Besides. I think the tour will be fun.”

Thorne makes a noise around the pizza. Stormy’s timing is impeccable, catching him with a mouth full of mozzarella.

“Glad we’ve got that figured out. Bye, guys!” Stormy waves, and the video goes dark.

Thorne finishes chewing. “You two are ganging up on me.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Rory points out. His phone buzzes and he fishes it out of his pocket, holding it loosely in his lap rather than look at it yet. “She has a point, though. Let’s just get through what we can do. And in the fall we’ll move him into wherever they end up living, and we’ll find a replacement and everything can change then. But for now, we’ve got to get through summer. Besides, it’ll be a lot easier being on tour if we don’t have to constantly answer questions about why we’re breaking up.”

“True.” Thorne takes another bite of his pizza, and Rory figures the conversation is over for now.

He flips over his phone, and sees a text from an unknown number. He doesn’t read the words, just thumbs it open quickly in case it’s an emergency text about Kit.

Hi, Rory, this is Alex. Dax’s sister. I just want you to know that Mr. Malone is really sad right now. Like really sad. But it’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay that he’s sad, but he’s supposed to be. I’m really sorry you weren’t right for each other. He’s awfully cute, for an old guy, and a teacher. But he already had his person and you can help fix that.

How did she even get his number? Rory saves her number under a contact for Alex Katsoulis, because he suspects it won’t be the last time. What does that even mean? he asks.

Like I know? I just know he won’t be sad eventually, and you’ll help with that, but not because you’re his boyfriend.

Rory is pretty sure there is only one thing that’s going to make Darrik feel better in the near future. I can’t resurrect the dead.

I didn’t say you could, Alex responds. Not exactly.

Rory’s not sure he wants to dig into this conversation any more deeply, and he’s not sure it’d help if he tried. Thanks, he texts back, because he has no idea what else to say.

He’s about to put the phone away and grab his own slice when the phone buzzes again. Not Alex this time.

Kit.

We’re done, Kit sends. Carolyn’s exhausted, and so’s Pawel. I might end up taking over the driving because I’m really not sure he should be doing it. Do you want to come to Hayworth when I get back?

That thought makes Rory smile, and he touches the screen lightly. Yeah, he sends back. I’m at Thorne’s now, but I’ll be back to Douglass after I eat and clean up. Just come on over and get me, okay?

It’s a date.

“Are you going to eat?” Thorne puts a plate in Rory’s lap, two over-sized slices of pizza leaning over the edges.

Rory picks up one slice, takes a bite. He’s hungrier than he expects, after all that work, and now that he knows Kit’s safe, he’s ready to eat. He nods to Thorne’s question. “Mm, yeah. Leaving after that, though.” He grins, because it feels good to say it. “I’ve got a date.”

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#welcome to phu #welcometophu #not your love song #phu marked #marked

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seenashblog · 5 years

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Nash Watches & Rates Cheesy Hallmark & Lifetime Winter Movies So You Don’t Have To

a.k.a. - Nash Records Her Viewings Of Hallmark & Lifetime Winter Movies, which are fanfic in visual form & are gold. And yes, it’s a apparently a legit sub-genre. Best I can tell, if it’s not Christmas or Valentines, and there’s snow, then it goes. Spoilers abound.)

Note: This adventure has been moved to here from my main blog @seenashwrite, so my SPN peeps can rest assured they’ll not be exposed to this any longer - I have a feeling I’ll not be done purging my soul for a while yet #bless my heart

As per last time during the Christmas round-ups, 4 and 5 stars mean the best of the lot, 3 stars means it’s not necessarily a waste of your time, 2 stars is up to your discretion, and 1 star means it is time you will never get back.

Winter's Dream (Kristy Hot Damn Swanson, Dean Mothafukkin' Cain - Hallmark)

With it packing this level of stardom, how can it go wrong? Understand that I can take or leave Dean Cain, but Kristy Swanson is the shit.

The official summary/another summary from somewhere:

When a former ski champion re-enters the competitive world after a 16-year-old downhill racer asks for help, she finds a new love and reawakens an old passion.

Former pro skier, Kat, is asked to coach a younger skier, named Anna, and finds love with the girl's widowed father, Ty.

These are both kinda garbage summaries - I mean, they're accurate, but it doesn't paint the whole picture. There's nothing really to spoil, and though it hits a couple things on a winter bingo (still forthcoming), they're more the Hallmark staples, such as the kid (in this case, a really great teen gal who's a good actress) who brings people together, and that the lodge/the resort is in danger of being lost, and somebody teaches somebody else how to skate, and that shit, but the bottom line is it's a fine watch. It's not spectacular, but it's not dipped in cheese, and there's some really pretty shots of the skiing (especially something they do at the end), plus kudos for the body doubles (the ones doing the actual skiing) were spot-on, and the teen actress did an impressive end-of-run stop at one point, you know it's her because she immediately whips off her mask.

Bottom line, this movie woulda been ass if not for Swanson and Cain, who didn't have greeeeat chemistry, though they made it work. In any event, the script was solid - like I say, not a great deal of cheese and any lines that were aren't sticking out to me because they were delivered so well - so I'm actually gonna rate this one decently high.

4/5 stars

Love on the Sidelines (this dude who's been in three movies I've seen so far, John Reardon, and some basic blonde chick who is vaguely familiar - Hallmark)

This isn’t technically a winter one, I don’t think, but it’s on, so it counts.

So they try to throw you from the get-go with "Is injured dude gonna be the love interest which is totally inappropriate since he's her boss and clearly got about 12 years on her and has made multiple patronizing comments to her, about how physically strong she is and about her classic car and about her abilities in general, or is it the other dude on the team who took an immediate interest in her and has thus far been polite and respectful and friendly and flirty?"

(By the way, main dude has cock-blocked his friend, but he has a model girlfriend [who is styled to be a stereotype from extensions to heels] and it's also shown he has no idea about stuff she likes/is into, such as her favorite flowers - but chick knew because she had 'em out for their romantic dinner. That's right, it's part of her assistant duties - and she's supposed to be helping him with activities of daily living stuff - is to prep his bone zones.)

If they make dude #2 turn out to be a douche and that main dude is somehow awesome underneath all his shit----- what am I saying, of course they are. The latter, that is. You know I'm right. Hundred percent.

People are like losing their chickens over this jersey she's tailored to be a "girl fit" - you know what I mean, it's not a box with sleeves, there's tailoring to it, so the sleeves aren't so ginormous and it's tapered on the sides. This jersey's been the topic of about three interactions thus far and we're only 40 minutes (so 30 mins airtime) in. They're all "Wow!" and "This is so creative!" and "My wife would love that, where'd you get it!" Y'all, google for this, that type of jersey, I mean. [pause] Nevermind, here:

I put in the mystical combo of "women's NFL football jersey".

THIS IS REVOLUTIONARY

Hey, and heh-heh.... quick bonus....

WHYENNE!!!! THAT BITCH IS EVERYWHERE

But hey, how else would we know that fashion design is her passion? Scriptin' be hard, yo. Speaking of her clothes skillz - "I think there's more to him," she says to BFF, whose wedding dress she's fitting. First, *eyeroll*. Second, if your friend is trying to watch a football game and learn the basics, don't let them fit you for your farging wedding at the same time. Which is what is happening.

There's twinkly magical music when his hand runs over hers when they're both searching under the couch, feeling around for his dropped cell phone.

*more eyeroll*

I do like the car, it's a red Mustang.... early 70s, maybe?.... but I can say I don't care for the shade of red, it's a little too cherry popsicle or hooker scarlet lipstick.

(My dream car is probs a Mustang muscle in black, but as far as zoom-zooms go, I tell ya, a friend of mine had a Porsche Boxster, and What. A. Ride., and he'd offered to teach me how to drive stick on it - not a euphemism, I swear, I was 16, my dad was his mentor, he's like the child my father never had - I'M A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT OKAY - so like my big brother, and anyhow, it was so beautiful I gasped at the very thought. But sweet babby jeebus, those suckers are smooth rides. None of this matters.)

Anyway, she keeps having trouble starting it, and I can tell by the sound it isn't the alternator, nor is it the battery, nor is it a belt, nor is she flooding the engine. I know fuck-all about cars as a general rule, but I know those sounds because I've experienced all of them. It has now gone to commercial, as he's just looked under the hood and announced after 3.8 seconds "Yup, I think I see your problem." He must have x-ray vision. I am on pins-and-needles, shivering with anticipation.

Back from commercial, he's shutting the hood and she's saying "Wow you did it!" and wiping grease from his face. He's got an absolutely wrecked calf/ankle/foot (and straight up, they've done a good job making it all seem legit, props to... well, props... and make-up), but you're telling me he was standing and bent over long enough to get all greasy, and he's supposed to be - most of the time - either sitting or standing with that bitch elevated. This was stupid. This was a stupid, wholly unnecessary scene. Oh except we find out - because it's visible in the back seat - that she's read his children's book.

That's right. He's written a children's book.

Dude's mom: "I think he's dating the wrong type of women". Subtle, screenwriters, subtle. Now he's sneaking and working out. I really hope they show his ankle buckling out at a wicked angle. I'm gross like that. Twinkly music plays as she waits for him in the locker room while he's in with the sports trainer because he shouldn't have been working out.

Forgot to mention there's an awesome dog, this really beautiful Dane, and of course it loves her and hates Stereotype, because reasons for him to go ga-ga. She's honestly not bad, I have zero issue with the actress, nor with this actor, they're actually both good, but between the music and this script, I'm fighting over what rating to give it. (Checks clock) Welp, the next 45 minutes should tell me. It's dragging ass, I'll tell you that, though.

Like, nothing's happened. Nothing. He has an injury, she's his new personal assistant. I can list traits they each have. I've seen groups of moments. I don't know what the story is. Is it just "they get closer and fall in lurve"? That's... not a story. That's a series of facts. People meet their partners/spouses via the workplace all the time. What's the plot? What's the conflict? The obstacles? The tension? The OOMPH, I'd call it, is missing. This is what kills me about most fanfic - they just tell me stuff, they aren't showing me a new perspective or a twist or a unique take or differing interpretation that's still supported by canon, or an inventive plot that or what-the-hell-ever. Dean and Whyenne were in the bunker and they researched and they cooked and they talked about Cas and Sam, and they argued about her going on a hunt, then they kissed, the end! That's not a story, that's a daydream. I've digressed.

Now he's texted her "the emergency code" while she's at her best friend's wedding, and turns out it's because he's cranky because his sister said he's got to learn how to not be the center of attention. And she - I am proud to say - lets. Him. Have. It. Part of what she says is - Can you do *anything* for yourself?! And he goes - This! And he kisses her, and it takes her off guard, but then they go for it, and I am actually happy for them.

Shit. I still hate that this isn't a story, but holy hell the difference when some conflict is introduced. Ahhhhhmazeballs. Conflict, however minor, is what shows us who these people we're watching/reading really are - and no, conflict does not mean angst, nor does it mean some sort of heart-breaking, can't-take-it-back fight, nor does it mean life-and-death, just divergent paths or opinions is all it takes. I've digressed again.

My interest is piqued because we have a half-hour to go, and typically this is how Hallmark blows their wad in the last fifteen.

[time passes]

Okay, a couple things turned out decent. Y'all will *love* what the best friend pulls at the end, and she and her hubby have been great throughout, but this one particular thing was clutch. And everybody had chemistry, family and friends and romance alike. It just can't help the lack of story, and I really detest the manner in which they made lead dude a jerk - there's other ways to do that besides going the lazy route, a.k.a. being sexist. It's not as bad as a two (a.k.a. - this is a matter of taste), because there's some objectively good stuff.... on the other hand, my lord is dragged. So I'm going with a three, because it's a toss-up as to whether you're gonna really like it, or think "Meh".

3/5 Stars

One Winter Weekend / One Winter Proposal (Taylor Cole, some other people - Hallmark)

So the former was in last year's winter line-up, the latter in this one. Taylor Cole played Sarah Blake on SPN. I see she's also on deck for some detective thing on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries.

And.... that's all I got to say about that.

I genuinely tried to watch these. They played them back-to-back, and speaking of backs, mine was acting up so I was laid out, and I thought - all right, this'll kill some time. And I fell asleep at 6 p.m., y'all. I took ibuprofen, I was not getting liquored up, I slept plenty the night before, and I fell the fuck to sleep. These movies are boring as fuck.

I saw no sparks, and there were two couples from which to divine said spark. The co-lead chick was incredibly annoying, she plays everything too perky, and it's really evident in scenes with her romantic interest, who is a good actor and came off completely naturally. Actually, he should've been the main-main male lead, I bet he'd have had great chemistry with Cole, who's a better actor than the dude they had her paired with, but I say all that to say, the script was... meh. The pacing of both movies was weird, and the conflicts that were in them (see above for discussion on what conflict in stories actually is) were nothingburgers. It was stupid. Don't waste your time, seriously.

1/5 stars

We interject for a non-review that needs to be mentioned. Oh, Lifetime. Holy shitsnacks.

Double Mommy (I... I don't know... people... - Lifetime)

This is the synopsis:

Ryan discovers his friend Bryce is the father of one of his girlfriend's twin babies and that he date raped her at a party over the summer. With college looming over Bryce's head, he will stop at nothing to make sure that he clears his name.

Because the guys' feelz are what's important, here.

The Birthday Wish (Jessy Schram, who only acts one way and that is coked-up squirrel with blonde barrel curls - Hallmark)

This is the official summary, and it should let you know how pleased I was to watch this:

On her birthday, a woman who desperately wants her boyfriend to propose to her wishes for the opportunity to see into the future, with surprising results.

'Cause I love seeing "desperate" and "woman" in the same sentence about my main character! This was precisely what you think based on the summary - though I will say Schram doesn't play it "desperate" so that was kind've a weird word for them to use - she somehow has these premonitions (it's never explained) and the boyfriend's a dick and she ends up with her co-worker who's a great guy. The end.

1/5 stars

Once Upon A Prince (Megan Park, who is familiar though I don't know how, and a quite charming British fellow who isn't really, he's actually from Canada by way of New York but sounds really damn convincing - Hallmark)

Also unsure this is “winter”, but it’s worth talking about. Seriously. Still, let's get the shite - and it's minor! - out of the way.

First complaint: they blew their wad in the title. Not that we don't get the scoop fairly quickly, but... welp, no we don't, the beans aren't spilled for a while - they *easily* could've skirted it, and they HAVE, it's very nicely and smoothly done, I mean, you can divine it but it's not plot anvil'd, his situation unfolds gradually across the first act, which is so refreshing. Whoever titled it was the screw-up. I'm looking at you, Hallmark execs. All their titles spoil.

Second complaint... despite the adept nature they handled main dude's backstory, there's a really bad clunker of an anvil in that first bit - we know exactly how he's gonna propose to her in the end because they shoe-horned in really abrupt and almost non-sequitur dialogue for her wherein she tells him her dream proposal not terribly long after meeting him. It was weird and awkward. I mean, the fuck. I get she was still rattled as her longtime boyfriend with whom she had both business and personal futures planned out breaking up with her in the prior scene(s), but shit. They do recover a bit by having our dude - and damn, I love him, I genuinely do - comment something to the effect of "Well oftentimes it's easier to tell a stranger things we can't tell the ones to whom we're close". My point is, they knew it was a dog of a line, but I thought of three options to get the topic out there over the course of them getting to know each other just while I’ve sat here typing this recap - hell, they revisit the damn location later, when they are friends vs. strangers! It was bad writing.

Third complaint... y'all know by now: I hate the fake made-up countries. And this one is (wait for it) Cambria. Google Cambria. Go ahead. I'll wait. [pause] Nevermind, I'll just tell you, and this isn't because I have some bizarre encyclopedic knowledge of the way-back-when in Jolly Ol', it's because - well - I'm a reformed dinosaur nerd, and that overlaps with having an understanding of geology, because fossils. There, I said it. There were charts and sketches and stuff of the various periods of dino development from National Geographics on bedroom walls. I had it bad. For the record, I loved the book Jurassic Park, and the first movie was great, and the rest are good for laughs. The last two are good for mocking. I probably would've been a paleontologist, except for when my Christian father, who at the time I thought was the smartest man in the world (and he is objectively intelligent in many ways) told me God put the dinosaurs in the earth, that there's no way the earth is as old as science proves. (I say proves, he said claims.) 'Cause, y'know, an almighty being is totes into pranks. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Funsies. I've digressed.

The quick-and-dirty is that the Cambrian is the geologic period that's from around 550 million years ago. (Okay this part I'll look up, because I'm so nerdy.... yup, I see it's 542-488 mil.) Anyhow, the dude that coined the name found the goods, the exemplars that proved this stage in earth history/backed up earth's age in Wales. And the area now known as Wales used to be called Cambria a way long time ago. Not millions time ago, of course. Trilobites and whatever can't speak... THAT WE KNOW OF. So I don't know if somebody was just like "Oh, that sounds like it could be a country" or somebody was being cute, thinking Cambria wasn't real, like it was something akin to Camelot, I've no idea. Who cares, it's stupid.

However.

Guys.... y'all.... my peeps.... um.... this'n is a keeper, so I'm not going to break it down and spoil it. It is very much worth watching, if you're into these types of movies, because it differs in a huge, very positive manner. Here's why this movie is above average for Hellmark: there's legitimate conflict (see above, re: what that means), and - most importantly - they are friends. They are buddies. They genuinely like each other. This isn't just about romantic love, this is about two people who care about what happens to each other. They care that the other person is living a life in which they are happy.

There's also some realism here, not because it's an identical situation (it is not, trust) but in the broad strokes, I think of the Prince Harry-Meghan Markle situation. Middleton is uppercrust Brit stock, if memory serves (I'm not looking it up) with some sort of pseudo-distant-whatever royal line connection. She was gold for William, she's a good option for a queen (I mean, I'm sure there's duchesses out there, but that ain't who Wills loved). Now, Markle? So far from what would be called uppercrust. So, so very far. And yeah, yeah, I get that it's not as big a deal since he's not direct but more adjacent in line to the throne, but c'mon. It was a big deal. And you know all the ways why, I won't go through them here. My dude broke about a bazillion years' worth of tradition, and good on him.

And at the end of the day, that's what this movie is about - making your own way, creating your own traditions, adapting the old traditions, having confidence to do the things you're good at, the things you believe you're meant to do, and doing them the way you think is best. Is this a deep movie? No, it's fucking Hallmark, haven't you been paying attention? You think they let us escape without a super-rushed, wrap-it-up-in-the-last-five-minutes ending? You know better. I'll tell you this, though - it may not be deep, but it ain't shallow. And it's the best royal movie we've had so far, despite the too much haste with information-giving in the beginning and with the title and, as you'll find out, a really bleh last line... and of course with him being king of Fossilville. (I'm not letting that go.)

You're going to love him, he's a doll and classy and darling the entire time. You're going to love her, she's self-assured and fun and mature and hard-working. And you're really going to love John the valet. We find ourselves at ratings time and, somewhat shockingly:

5/5 stars

Past entries below

Winter Castle (people you’ve never heard of - Hallmark)

Holy shit, cliché on parade and nobody can act?! Jack-friggin’-pot. Zero chemistry amongst anyone, from family to friendship to romance?! Hot damn.

So they’re all at this place for a destination wedding (a.k.a, Selfish And Life-Disrupting And Huge Expense For Guests Thing And Oh Here’s Our Registry Too, come at me brah), and everyone is staying in a hotel. HA! KIDDING! They’re all in this giant faux igloo, and by “faux” I mean there are these church-esque doors in what is, I guess, a specially-flown-in iceberg on land. Google tells me it’s an actual place.

Anyway, through the doors you’ll find hallways (that have people carved into them, not creepy at all) which are lined with rooms. Suites? I never saw a bathroom door, doesn’t damn matter, nobody poos in Hallmark’s world. Oh, also, for lighting, we have Target pillar candles, then everything’s backlit in ‘80s neon:

Are they shitting me?

But that’s beside the point. Point is, it may be pretty to look at but in execution, it’s stupid. No way people haven’t had to peace out and find a new joint to stay in because of near or actual hypothermia. Based on the warm, cozy, wood-floored, windowed, staircase-and-balcony-having rehearsal dinner area in a large building with stone wall exterior, this hotel actually has some, y'know, hotel to it. Lodge? Who cares, but I bring it up because of the standard precocious child who is there to bring everybody together whilst turning into a popsicle.

The poor kid is bundled within an inch of her life, dumb bunny-eared toboggan to puffy jacket, and is burrito’d in a sleeping bag, with a quilt on this bed that looks to be carved out of ice, as well, and I say “as well” because our leading lady is shown frequently perched on what looks to be a chair carved out of ice (fur puffy thing for ass protection) with her laptop on a table carved out of ice when she’s face-timing her Not Gay Male Best Friend in a bow-tie and sweater vest back home, and - bonus! - he doubles as The One Person Of Color. Now, if memory serves, legit igloos made by actual First Nation(s) folks (meaning both Canadian and American - specifically, Alaskan - and probs any groups that found themselves in the way-way-North in the way-back-when and had to come up with this genius or, you know, die) are actually pretty damn warm once the fire gets cranking. Not to say you don’t keep some fierce socks and gloves on, that’s plain smart, but enclosed space with heat is enclosed space with heat - just don’t lick the walls. That’s good advice, igloo or otherwise.

On that topic, via the article linked above, says one of the actresses:

“It’s like an igloo,” Mullen told the Standard. “The further you go into the hotel, it gets colder and colder. As you walk down the hallway into the different rooms, it’s just getting into your bones.” She said every time they called “Cut!,” everyone would put on jackets to warm up.

She’s incorrect - that’s not like an igloo. It’s too big, that’s why it doesn’t stay warm. I have *zero* desire to go to this place. That sounds like Dante’s Frosty The Snowman circle of hell. I digress.

I say all that to say, this movie is straight dumb because the script is basic bitch, they were leaning on the location and hard. It gets a star because they tried in the sense that they did use a unique setting, but the rest was neglected (the story and the casting). Everything else was so blaaaaaand, and the acting was so stilted and unnatural, and they cast the mother with someone who looks the exact same age as the lead gal/her sister (the bride), and then there’s this one chick character who was so pathetically desperate, and the leading man was such a pussy who wouldn’t make a fucking decision, and they had our leading lady be all *sniffle* and tolerating that shit AND SHE JUST MET HIM BY THE WAY, and I just…. ugh.

1/5 stars

Royal Matchmaker (Bethany Joy Lenz - Hallmark)

This isn’t an “official” Winter '19 jam, google tells me it’s from the '18 spring movies, but everybody’s bundled up, so I’m calling bullshit. It ain’t half-bad, despite the fact that it’s a “royal” one, who’d-a-thunk? There was one over Christmas that got a 4 (see link up top), and I never would’ve predicted it. But that was an oldie-goldie, this is now. This one has the traditional royal romance beats and, no shit, the sidekick is the same one from another “royal”, the absolutely horrid “Christmas At The Palace”, from Christmas ‘18. I cannot reiterate how bad that movie was - not ”My Christmas Love“ bad, but bad.

All right, so - she’s a matchmaker from NYC, which is at least a new take on what’s coming next - and you guessed it, a prince HAS to get married or some reason, even though it’s mentioned they are under a Parliamentary system and not a monarchy, but he still has to because it’s the 17th century, oh wait no it’s not. The king, who is from a random made-up locale (*sigh*) has hired her (and said partner) to find a suitable wife for his son, who’s presented as the typical eligible rich bachelor, and “presented as” is the key phrase. It’s one of the things I like about this plot, but it doesn’t outweigh the bleeeccchhh.

For one, it wears me out, the making-up of countries. It’s distracting. If you’re gonna do royalty, the right move is to have the royal not be a king/prince but make it a duke/duchess jam, refer to the locale vaguely as a duchy in England or Ireland or Scotland or Sweden or Norway or whatever Americans will fall for, 'cause as a rule, Americans aren’t typically hip to other countries’ jams. Hell, say someone is a prince/princess, but it’s more in inherited title only - that’s what the 4 from the Christmas list did right. Nobody called him “Prince Whatever”, he wasn’t presented as this hot commodity, it was a nothing burger, we didn’t even find out that he had the title til near the end of the movie. I’ve digressed, back to this flick.

I detest the royal garb they’ve got lead dude in at the conclusion, it looks like you or I waltzed into Party City and slapped down $30 and walked back to the set. It’s ill-tailored and in too-bright colors and is, again, something utterly distracting that could’ve been avoided, and same with the king’s, too-small jacket to too-long length of slacks. All the women, including our main gal, are in prom dresses straight off the rack from Sears and J.C. Penney’s. This is not praise. The men are all in identical rented tuxedos with clip bow-ties. Thanks, I hate it.

I mean, and I hate that there’s a ball at the end at all, but it goes hand-in-hand with the core premise, which is that they’re on a tight schedule - ol’ Bethany has 4 weeks. They, of course, fall in love with one another, and props to casting because these two look good together and have decent chemistry, but that could be because Lenz knocks these movies out of the park - this is the third… maybe the fourth… that I’ve seen with her - she elevates everything she’s in. When I mentioned her to a friend, I was told she also elevated some shitty TV show that I never watched, so perhaps you are already familiar with her.

Anyhow, once again there’s too much filler and the ending draaaaaaags and then BOOM it’s done in the last three minutes, which is standard for these movies (both Lifetime and Hallmark), I’d say, about 95% of the time. The story was good in that the prince wasn’t a typical playboy and he kept his philanthropic side a secret because he didn’t want press invading these small villages and whatever he was helping rebuild - he genuinely likes getting his hands dirty and he actually knows how to do shit, he fixes a radiator at a community center at one point. Eh. I dunno. It had such potential in the front half, then just shit the bed in the back half, so it was half of a waste of my time. But you may dig it. It’s far from the worst of Hallmark’s offerings but, again, I think it’s because of Lenz, she’s the only thing getting it up from a 1/5.

2/5 stars

Oh… oh mah… what the… we interrupt the winter fare for what looks like a rando that’s snuck in and christ on a cracker, no. No. No. NO. The summary:

A woman begins an online relationship with a famous photographer, not realizing that she is actually communicating with the man’s young son.

This caught my ear because as I was sitting here writing up the last movie, it came on, and I hear this woman’s voice, her typing (so it’s her voice in her mind), then a man’s voice (as she’s reading), and I looked up when the man’s voice started switching to a kid’s (boy’s) voice back and forth every sentence or so - and then I looked at that summary, and….

"Chance at Romance”, it’s called –> 0/5 stars, I don’t even need to watch it, what a stupid garbage fucking premise, and it’s gross, and I hope that shit kid gets punished, like as in, no computer til he’s old enough to own his own home and pay for his own internet, because scumbag kid. If he has the balls to pull this catfishing shitstorm on a fucking adult and gets away with it, what the fuck will he do to manipulate girls his own age? Gross. IT’S A GROSS PREMISE YOU GREETING CARD FUCKTARDS

Love On Ice (Andrew Walker, who’s in every fourth movie, and the lead chick’s familiar her name is Julie Berman - Hallmark)

Former pro skater, now teaching - don’t worry, it’s not the aforementioned “Christmas At The Palace”, despite the similar M.O. - and decides to go for one last run at regionals because the new coach in town who’s teaching the next big thing is like “You used to be the next big thing, why don’t you undo eight years of not training aggressively in, like, a couple weeks and compete against the girl I’ve been hired to make a winner, and I’ll coach you both, because I have a boner for you and your shitty blonde extensions! No, that’s not what he says, but that’s the deal, yo. The next-big-thing’s got an overbearing mother and, once his boner gets found out, here comes a new coach that used to be the former-next-big-thing’s coach, and she’s a horrible actress, she can’t play sneaky-evil to save her life. I liked the two leads, and they did a better job than the other ice skating scenes/movies with concealing the real skater actors, but overall this was as boring as watching paint dry, I just wanted it to be over.

1/5 stars

The Perfect Catch (Nikki DeLoach and… shock of all shocks, no not really… our old buddy, Andrew Walker - Hallmark)

I swear, I don’t know if Andrew Walker is on some mission from god, or being punished by him. I’m in the same boat, so I empathize. At least I’m not contracted. I can’t speak for him, but I remain happy for DHJ, that he’s escaped this purgatory, and is safe on the shore… at least, at present.

In any event, this one doesn’t seem like a "Winter official”, but there were jackets and no definite spring or fall standards (pastels or orange leaves), and it’s airing now, so here we are. It seems to be baseball season, so I know they mean for it to be spring, but they are wearing coat-coats, not it’s-still-kinda-chilly light jackets. I don’t fucking care, I watched it, so I’m reporting on it.

It ticks many boxes on the Winter Fanfic Bingo card (forthcoming), specifically the ones that are carryovers from Christmas and will be carried over to all the Hallmark/Lifetime movies regardless of time of year. Because being formulaic, when playing the long game, is cheap and efficient, and in the restaurant business, or products made on a factory line, or in healthcare standards, things of that ilk, you want streamlined coupled with the trieds-and-trues. In writing? Not-so-much. It’s lazy.

And speaking of restaurants, that’s the first box that got ticked - our leading lady owns a restaurant and, next box, it’s in danger of being lost. Other boxes include: our leading man is famous; he’s the character that comes back home, leaves/might leave, then changes mine/comes back, and it’s to stay!; adorable child who ideally will bring everyone together; a character’s parents are dead. Blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blaaaaah-blah-bleh. <—- that had more variety than this flick. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with this movie. It’s vanilla. It’s white bread. It’s mashed potatoes with no salt or a touch of sour cream mixed in, no loading with shredded sharp cheese and crumbled brown sugar-and-cracked-pepper bacon and the barest touch of chives. I’m hungry, shut up.

It doesn’t just get 1 star because it’s not bottom barrel - everyone’s competent in their acting, there’s nothing outlandishly stupid about the script, it’s not shellacked in Velveeta. I will say that they pull a little teensy, micro-twist with how they resolve his balancing a primo offer that in no way should he pass on career-wise fairly realistically. The very last scene is, of course, stupid and embarrassing.

2/5 stars

The next movie has palm trees, so officially not Winter. But oof…. it’s got Kelly Rutherford and Cameron Mathison, both of whom are ringers. Hmmm. Yeah, I still ain’t subjecting myself to more than needed for this adventure. Oh, and they continue to play the basic-basic-BAAAAASIC-boring “Hope At Christmas” on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries", if you’re interested. It is a mystery to me as to why they continue to do so. Anyhow, there’s apparently 3 or 4 more brand spanking new offerings from Hallmark for the next several weeks.

More to come. I’ll reblog this with every new entry added to the top, so you can always just keep this post URL bookmarked if you think you missed it. Send an ask if you want to be tagged.

#Nash Watches And Rates #Cheesy Winter Movies #so you don't have to #Cheesy Movie Talk

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circlejourney · 6 years

Text

Here follows a long ramble about all my major projects

I do remember all my projects. From 2005 to 2006, I wrote two huge self insert Pokemon fanfics about me and my friends entering the Pokemon wrld that totalled up to 100k words. It included a whole mythos about how all the legendary pokemon came to be.

2007 I started the Zodiac Trilogy, so named because the country was themed after the zodiac. It was...Avatar meets Warrior Cats, you had four warring tribes themed on the four elements, and the encroachment of an external threat that forced them to come together. This was a trilogy (Zodiac, The Eye of the Swan, Seven Days to Spring) which showed the kingdom’s progression from segregated, to vaguely coming to terms with its new unity, and in the second and third installments in particular, there was a lot of travelling across the world and interference by deities and impossible circumstances. And prophecies. Entirely too many of them. It was meant to be epic fantasy, but I was also very young and each instalment was anywhere between 20k to 50k words. I drew a map for the story that I kept on my person for three years, it had continents and kingdoms and shit.

In 2008 came the story whose title I’ve forgotten somehow, about the queen travelling the world incognito in search of something with which to exorcise the spirit who had possessed her daughter, but finds herself also haunted by some extension of the same entity, and slowly coming to the realisation that holes leading between this world and Hell are beginning to open in the fabric of reality across the queendom. I also drew maps for this one, but it was just one country the size of Russia. I don’t remember this one particularly well, but there were two side characters with a romance plot.

OTDOTS was a big one that I still care about, cause I spent 6 years writing it. It was 10 people who are all connected to a simmering revolution against the tyrant, and who all have a personal grudge against him. they meet up over the course of six years, and then they encounter other peripheral rebel groups who eventually become allies in their ultimate quest. there's also an overarching plot about deities and the nature of the cosmos, and soon the plot threads unite to reveal whatever the hell was happening there. it's the proto-Revolving Door, quite a proper epic fantasy, and it had 200 named characters. it’s also still my longest story

2009: The next one was called The Prize of the Sword, it was about a world with 12 deities in three houses, and twelve strains of magic corresponding to these: those powers ranged across heat, light, absence (i.e. cold/void), stone, etc. The premise was that there was a blood sport tournament where the prize was a sword that could grant anything you wished for, and you only had to be the last person alive to claim it.

Then it was Wake the Guardians. This was fairly big, somewhere between 70k and 100k words, and I managed to write it all in a month somehow. A story about a small country on the brink of war with its neighbour (strained diplomatic relations are a theme in my stories...and diplomatic relations in general), whose princess was promised in marriage to the neighbour’s prince in the hopes of settling the conflict. Except obviously she didn't like this, and there was family drama, and she learned to swordfight, and then things came to a head when their neighbours broke the armistice etc. etc.

In 2010 I another story in the universe with 12 deities, called Lapis Lazuli. This one was about a girl who was being hunted down by a serial killer with a grudge against her father--a famous man with many enemies. She was born to two of the most prominent sorcerers in the country, and turned out to be a muggle basically, which was a burden she bore constantly. There was a lot of death and tragedy in this one ofc

Early 2010 I also plotted, but never got past 10,000 words, of “Candle Story”, a story about guard school where each guard squad was made up of four members with specific roles: a caller who communed with animals, a dancer who set the rhythm of battle, a musician who cast status effects with melody and chords, and a scholar who cast spells by reciting long memorised passages. It was meant to be reciprocally fictional with Eagles and Swans, as in each story was a work of fiction in the other story.

Late 2010 was also when I started writing Eagles and Swans, you guys vaguely know this one, it’s quite an important story to me. Ruthenia is orphaned by a shitty religious law; she joins anarchic gangs who vandalise government property before becoming legal ward/employee to inventor Titanio,. He sends her to an uptown school, where via a trading of favours with the Arcane Prince, she comes face to face with the humanity and utter ineptitude of the people making up the government. And then natural disasters start to happen, and Astra goes from going downhill to probably totally fucked. The original draft for this was 350k words and then I cut down on a lot of the extraneous worldbuilding and it became 110k words (said worldbuilding is on a wiki-in-progress, eagles-and-swans)

2013 is when I started writing Revolving Door. I’ve said enough about this one I think. it was always meant to be “the most complicated story, encompassing the vastest swath of reality, I could possibly conceive”

Also 2013 I wrote half of a novel about two groups of three teenagers on Havaiki who run into weird causal time loops and realise that they need to compete and outsmart each other as they time-travel across the most recent 200 years to ensure not only that they’re alive, but that Havaiki City exists at all

2013 I started planning a novel called Voca, which was about “programmed magic”: people wrote computer programmes to compel deities to perform tasks for them. Of course, the actual mediator between human language and deity language was music, and there were people who could command the deities just by singing. MC was Amberrule, a courier who delivered the machines used to programme deities to people across the city. This ended up being a multimedia project that’s up online somewhere?

Early 2016: Nocturna is the story of a world where the angels and demons continue to be at war throughout history, and their powers mingle at the edges of their respective territories, causing new and bizarre forms to emerge wherever they touch. there’s one animation project and one comic set in this world so far

2016 I plotted and began, but never continued, a story about two archipelago nations who have disputes over a few border islands between them, and those strained diplomatic relations are close to snapping. MC is the heir of one nation, their ship capsizes and they wash up on one of the border islands; a privateer crew from the other nation saves them. They soon realise that revealing the MC’s presence could trigger the start of a war, so they begin to plot the MC’s safe return very carefully. Until a romance plot gets in the way.

I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if I missed a couple, because I always forget shit

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