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#and i feel good about this but i also don't bc i can never trust my gut my anxiety is too bad for that
bumblebeesfromvenus · 12 hours
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Simon Riley NSFW hcs ♡
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Two lovely people asked for my NSFW Simon headcannons and I'm happy to provide!!
Just a disclaimer, these are my headcannons. If you have ones that are totally different, that's okay!
He's fictional and can be whatever you want him to be <3 (except a rapist. We don't do that here.)
If you have any COD thoughts or requests, my inbox is open!!
~ Fi 🐝
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I'm a soft!Simon truther until death.
There's not a single reality in which I can see him ever being too rough with you, let alone hurting you.
First of all, he has no fucking clue what he's doing. He's maybe had sex 2-3 times in his life and I don't think any of them were memorable or good.
I'd wager that all of them were hookups, encouraged by other soldiers to "let off steam". But Simon just can't do it, it feels so wrong. To give himself so fully to someone he doesn't even know.
There needs to be an emotional connection in order for him to feel comfortable and good. He needs to trust and love this person before he can do anything with them.
It's gonna take a while for him to open up, but once he does everything is smooth sailing.
(I also don't think he masturbated excessively. He probably jerked off, everyone gets horny, but especially if we say he's on antidepressants, his sex drive is pretty low. He's either too tired or just doesn't care)
Your first time together was fueled by a, not so uncommon, make-out session on his couch. It'd usually end with you grinding on his thigh or rubbing yourself over his clothed cock until you both reached a satisfactory end.
Simon thinks he could live an entire relationship with only sticking to dry humping, but in reality he's just terrified of the intimacy of real sex.
It's not too romantic, none of that rose petals lit candle stuff. It's not that Simon hates all of that, but I just think it'd be too much for the first time.
He's already so nervous (so are you probably if we're honest) and all that extra stuff would overwhelm the fuck out of him.
(He will spoil you with rose petals and candles another night, even if it just ends you with you falling asleep in eachother's arms <3)
Eventhough it's soft and sweet, you're both still very horny and basically rip the clothes off of the other.
Foreplay is important!!! (For all my girlies who don't drip down their thighs)
Not only for you but for him too. Even if he's rock hard already, he wants to enjoy himself, maybe be a tease. He will always make sure that you're okay and ready (and so will you bc he deserves it).
Would literally eat you out to calm himself down. He probably has fallen asleep while licking your pussy, it's his personal meditation.
Your taste, the way you feel on his tongue and the fact that he was two perfectly good pillows wrapped around his head made it easy for him to nod off.
Also, he prefers it hairy. (Fight me.) (pls don't)
I know it's cliche but he's like 2 seconds away from just coming inside of you the second he pushes in. Not only does he feel good but when he looks down he sees you and he could cry from how happy he is. He just loves you so much.
Can we please put the "You only take half of him" bullshit to rest??? Thank you. We all know Simon as BDE but let's keep it on the real side okay. He couldn't give less of a shit if you can take him to the hilt or not.
(Some gals physically can't bc if your vaginal canal is too short, then it's impossible. You don't want a bruised cervix, so don't be stupid) I do think when he's more comfortable about it and a little more desperate and rough, he'll play into the size kink.
He probably has a huge size kink anyway but he would never make you feel bad if you couldn't take all of him. (Especially if you're giving him head bc let's be real that thing is not going down no one's throat okay)
He has the prettiest moans. I JUST KNOW IT. they're more throaty and deep but they sound good. I honestly don't think this man is capable of whimpering (like physically. Not with that smoker lung) sorry babes.
Simon isn't too loud, but just enough to make you that much hotter. He will try to pull more moans out of you, like a little challenge for himself.
NONE OF THAT "10 rounds Riley" SHIT. (Have any of y'all ever had an orgasm before like?? Who the fuck is going ten rounds??? Not me that's for sure lmao) it really all depends on your guys' mood and neediness on that day.
I do think he can and wants to go a couple of rounds but it's probably more on the rare side and never more than 4.
He knocks out immediately. He's always tired anyways.
I think his favorite positions are missionary, prone bone, and cow girl. He likes the closeness, wants to feel every part of you and kiss it like his life depends on it.
The further you are into your relationship, the more new stuff you can try out. He's always gonna be hesitant at first but if it's not too out there he'll try it.
Simon will tell you if something is a hard no for him and he expects you to respect, just as he would for you.
Would 100% make you ride his face. Wants to he smothered in it okay. (Simon said sit, so sit.)
Simon would be down to tying you up (one condition; you're never tied to anything. In case of emergencies)
You won't get him to be tied up though, that's a real hard no.
I think the closest you'd get to a submissive Simon is if you order him around.
He's sitting on his knees before you and you tell him exactly what you want him to do (one thing Simon Riley can do is follow orders) and he'll pretend to let you be in control and maybe you are for a while, but deep down he's always in control (not necessarily sexual or possessively, he just needs the security)
He loves to get head (not as much as giving it tho) but he will never ever force his cock down your throat, even if you begged him.
He can't do it, won't do it. Has he had the urge and fantasies?? Sure, but it goes against everything he promised when you got into a relationship.
Sweetly suck on his tip and stroke the rest of his length and he's happy as a clam <3
His absolutely favorite thing is when you ride him in the morning. Just lazy and sloppy circles of your hips while you sit on top of him. He loves the sight.
Simon'll gently hold onto your hips and guide you if need be. It's even better if you're laying flush against his chest and the both of you are snuggled under the blanket.
Bonus; he loves to make-out with you. It's an unhealthy obsession that has led to too much lipgloss/lipstick ingested just bc the fucker couldn't wait 2 minutes for you to take it off.
Kissing you is his number 1 way to show you how much he loves you since words aren't his strong suit.
Needless to say, he's head over heels for you, and the sex is great. <3
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I hope you lovelies enjoyed it!
More of my works --> 💫
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addicted2skinny · 2 days
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How can I hide my ed from my therapist so she doesn’t take away my concerta
hi hi <33 thanks for trusting me with this issue, I'll do my best to help you out! Please note tho, that all advice I'm giving is just personal experience and what I would do. I don't know your specific circumstances so it might not be fully accurate or something like wise.
TW: ED & hiding it below the cut! DNI if you want to go/are in recovery and fully WANT to recover. (Note: I AM pro recovery, I'm just not ready for it and this person also doesn't seem ready either)
— First, I'd definitely suggest that you're positive about food and calories. At least try to. When they ask you how you've been, how your relationship with food & your body is going you need to make them believe that everything's alright. Try to talk openly about your favourite foods and choose foods that are high caloric/normal to eat on a daily basis (so don't choose rice cakes or diet coke as those are often associated with eds)
—If your therapist offers you food, take it AND EAT IT. Don't try to spit it out, vomit when you're still in the clinic/house of your therapist or decline it. I know it's painful and you'll probably hate yourself for doing so but trust me, it's better than getting into a psychiatric ward bc of your ed.
—Act better around your friends&family as well, try to go out and eat with them. Take pictures of the food (important!) and show them happily to your therapist. You can always burn the cals later on in the day or fast for the following days after the meal with your friends& family.
—If you have to, gain a little weight. I know it sucks to reset your progress, but I myself gained five kg purposely in recovery, mainly so the therapist is convinced I'm healthy and lets me go.
—You need to start acting like you're Scarlett Johansson, Emma Watson, Leonardo DiCaprio or whoever, act ALL THE TIME. It can't be too obvious like you've suddenly changed 180° in your sleep, but if you radiate a positive attitude about food and your body, if you talk greatly about your physical&mental health it'll be much more believable. If you have to, try to change your appearance a bit as well, for me make-up worked wonders as I always looked (and still often do) pale, tired and sleep deprived whilst starving.
—Take good care of yourself nonetheless! Even if you refuse to eat when you're not with your family/therapist, having a good skin care and hair care routine really changes a lot.
—Try not to overdo it too much, as they might catch onto your lies. Start with slow changes in your mood or talks about what you've eaten and then slowly improve to greater changes of the course of several weeks. It has to be as believable as possible for your therapists and supervisors that you've chosen life now and how happy you are once you'd reach a healthy relationship with food again.
—If you struggle with putting up the act or if you're a bad liar, try staying away from ed media like tumblr, twitter, telegram and any ed triggering shows. Just because you'll abandon your account for a bit doesn't mean you'll never come back to it.
I hope that I could help you or anyone else at least a little bit. Keep in mind again that this is just based on my personal preferences and experience, so it might or might not work for you. Please take care of yourself, I believe in you!🫶
If anyone else has any advice/suggestions, feel free to comment/reblog! <33
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magentagalaxies · 3 months
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#i should've just gatekept scott thompson from my college bc the way my college is treating me right now is bullshit#like i don't even want to do the scott event anymore bc of how they're treating me but i kind of have to#and i know i should be grateful they're even letting me be one of the interviewers but i hate being a student so much#i hate how nobody respects my opinion or input or experience even tho i'm literally the reason scott's even doing this event#(and ESPECIALLY the reason he's willing to do it for free!!)#and it especially stings bc scott has never made me feel like my insights were worth less because i'm a student#like he's always been one of the few people who consistently treat me like we're equals even tho he doesn't have to#and the way my college is treating me. it's like they don't trust me to not be an annoying little kid#like they're just assuming scott doesn't respect me so they don't have to respect me either#i mean on the plus side i'm supposed to have another phone call with scott either today or tomorrow so i can probably explain the situation#like i don't want to make him feel negatively about my college i want him to have a good time#but this treatment is genuinely fucking with my self confidence#and also maybe i can harness scott's power to hear ''don't talk about this thing'' and immediately make the interview all about this thing#(except in this case it would be him treating me like an equal instead of a random student)#and there's a bunch of bullshit currently going on with the class i have right after the event#so even tho originally i was like ''awesome i have the perfect schedule to bring scott to all of my classes!!''#i might just ask scott if he wants to skip class together and hang out. like i never promised that class anything#the only thing i *have* to do is the interview. the class we'd be skipping is already being like#''oh are you sure scott wants to visit the class i don't want to take him away from a better use of his time''#and scott was genuinely excited to see what my classes were like!! even if y'all didn't treat him like a big celebrity!!#but y'know what i'm sure scott does have a better use of his time. and i do too.#i'm gonna do the interview event bc i have to (we're in too deep at this point)#and i might ask scott if he wants to talk to that freshman film class about the buddy cole doc#bc 1. they offered to pay scott for that (they can't legally pay me but that's why i made the joke about money laundering)#2. since it's about the doc it's the one class where i get to be treated like an actual person#but other than that. damn it i was excited to share this part of my life with scott but fuck that this part of my life sucks#i'm gonna have a good time with scott in boston and my college is only going to be as much a part of is as they have to be#because we ARE friends (scott said so!) and i AM a brilliant filmmaker (bruce said so!) and i DO have potential (bellini said so!)#even tho it is hard to internalize those things after how much yesterday fucked me up. but that's ok scott will call again soon
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piplupod · 6 months
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yet again i am trying to figure out how much to tell the counselor/therapist about how bad things are getting bc the considerations i must take into account include:
1) will i be put into the psych ward for this, and
2) will telling a professional actually help me, what kind of help would actually be available for this, and
3) are they going to give me more medications that don't actually address or fix the root of the problem while still giving me awful side effects that I'm just supposed to deal with and hopefully not end up in the hospital for
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emilicious0 · 3 months
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Oooh, I got a request!
Can I get a Lucifer X reader headcanons or fic where reader is like fascinated with his wings? Bc let's be honest, it angels were real, I definitely would be fascinated with their wings and he got three pairs of them!
lucifer x gn! reader
pt.2 !!!
after rebuilding the hotel, charlie's dad, lucifer himself, decided to stay with his daughter. done with living alone for so long, he started to create a bond with all of the residents (except alastor). with you, however, he finally found a true friend.
your friendship began when he visited the hotel before the battle, and charlie introduced you as one of the sinners looking for redemption. you were one of the first ones to ever believe in charlie's idea, and seeing how you supported her made him respect you. after the battle with the extermination army, he saw you protecting his daughter, which led to you two officially becoming friends.
of course, there is more to your friendship than just love for charlotte. you shared many similar interests. you were always interested in art and all of its aspects, which lucifer gladly discussed with you (he was amazed by different kind of art aspects that humans created). also, you happened to be a good listener, so the king of hell used you as his personal problem dump (not that you minded).
you were surprised by how well you two got along but weren't complaining about this newfound relationship whatsoever. lucifer was kind, protective, and someone to trust.
this evening was surprisingly peaceful by hell standards, and you decided to spend your time on the balcony, reading. you don't get many chances to do that peacefully in a place like this, so you were making the most of it.
while sitting there, you heard the flapping of wings, which made you tense up for a second, only to hear a familiar voice:
“well, look who it is!”
you looked up and couldn't hide the fascination forming on your face. lucifer landed on your balcony with three pairs of his beautiful wings behind his back.
when he landed, he did not hide them, noticing your shocked expression. you stared at him, which made the man blush a little. he loved it when you gave all your attention to him.
“y/n?” he asked, and you snapped out of your shocked state.
“can I touch your wings?”
you slammed your hands over your mouth, embarrassed and worried that this question was too rude.
lucifer got more flustered but smiled rather shyly and came closer to you.
with a low whisper, he said: “you can.”
you stood up and carefully put your hand on his shoulder, then on his right top wing. lucifer gasped quietly but stood still.
meanwhile, your hand moved across the wing, then lower to the second one. you carefully touched his feathers, shocked by the softness.
the man was melting at the feeling of your touch, loving how your fingers brushed his wings. he never really wanted that moment to end.
for this one moment, you both looked into each other's eyes, and sparks flew between you.
both of you wanted to say something, but words stuck in your tongue. you felt lucifer's hand on your waist and sensed your cheeks warming up.
your hands moved to his shoulders, and you both came closer to each other, somehow enchanted by one another.
“dad!” charlie's voice came from behind you, and you jumped away from each other. “there you are! I need your help! y/n, come with us too!”
“y-yeah, char, coming!” you said and followed the princess, but stopped to look at lucifer. “you coming?”
he, red in the cheeks, nodded and slowly followed both of you.
today, you two realized your feelings.
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moonlight1110 · 1 month
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Thinking about bf!simon rn
This is a quickie bc i just love him
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Simon, who knows you aren't in an established relationship, yet he can't help the jealousy that creeps up his back and latches on like a parasite every time he sees you talking with another man, especially when you give them a smile, and especially when you laugh at something they say because in his mind, only he can make you smile like that.
Simon, who knows he doesn't have the right to tell you to stay with him but he just can't help it. "Can you make me some tea, love? Feeling tired tonight", anything just to get you to stay even for a few minutes more because he enjoys your company, but most of all, he enjoys seeing the way your eyes light up when you look up at him.
Simon, who so desperately wants to reach out and grab your hand when you walk alongside each other down the hall. He wants everyone to know who he belongs to and where his loyalties lie, but he just can't do it despite the aching desperation that claws at him every time your hands brush against each other, even for a moment.
Simon, who's unsure if he should actually pursue a relationship because he doesn't want to ruin your friendship. You have a good thing going between the both of you, why would he want to ruin it?
Simon, who seeks advice from the rest of the team and gets a rough talking-to when they scold him for holding in how he feels all this time, but they also encourage him to go for it. "The worst they can do is say no".
Simon, who finally gathers enough courage to finally ask you to talk, but he's so serious about it because he has never done this before and he doesn't want to mess it up. You think something has happened, so when he asks you to talk in private, you don't ask any questions and follow him, concerned that something bad happened to him.
Simon, who stutters and mumbles when he explains how much he likes you and how sorry he is for being so bad at words, but he tried his best and finally asks you if he can be your boyfriend.
Bf!Simon, who's eyes widen when you say yes and he almost can't believe it. He's immediately reaching for your hand, and when he finally gets to hold it, its like his love for you just tripled.
Bf!Simon, who doesn't get as jealous anymore when you talk to other men because at the end of the day, he knows he's the one you look for and the one you seek comfort it. He trusts you, he knows he can.
Bf!Simon, who still asks you to stay with him for your company but he doesn't do it as much anymore. He knows when work is over, you'll be waiting for him with open arms, ready to cuddle him and ease the stress of the day. He has you at the end of the day and all the comfort and company he could ever ask for.
Bf!Simon, who gently caresses your hand when he holds it as you walk down the hallways, everyone knows who he belongs to now, and he wants it to stay that way. His hold on your hand is gentle, loving, and warm. He loves feeling your hand in his and intertwining your fingers together as you walk.
Bf!Simon, who is so much more secure than he was before, he knows that he made the greatest decision of his life now that he has you by his side.
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theghostofashton · 2 years
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#the past like two and a half weeks have just been job interview after job interview editorial test after editorial test#and i've been stuck in this permanent anxiety loop where i'm nauseous and shaky all the time and i can't relax ever#and it's just been fucking exhausting like i am so tired#and this recruiter emailed me last night after i had an interview yesterday saying i have my last one today and just#i got rejected from something i really wanted yesterday#and this job i'm interviewing rn i also really want like this is the dream the people are so wonderful the books are incredible#i want it so bad i'm so scared to fuck it up lol#fuck up the interview fuck up my chances whatever#it's just been like. the past few months have been hell and i want this to work so bad#i'm someone who hates change but i am begging for it rn i want my life to change#and i feel good about this but i also don't bc i can never trust my gut my anxiety is too bad for that#i just want things to work i want things to stop being hard i want the universe to do me this solid#also yeah this is why my fic hasn't been updated in a while i'm sorry lol#my life feels like an emotional rollercoaster atm and i just do not have the energy#all i've been doing other than panicking is watching lone star and feverishly reading fics like i don't feel like a person anymore lol#i want this interview to be over but i also just want to do well#idk what this is im just. i feel gross and i have to figure myself out so i can do this lol#delete later
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Hiii! This is one of my first request like ever so idk if I'm doing it right lol but I was wondering if u could write percy x hades!gf hcs, I never see much of hades sadly lol but if u can't or don't want to I perfectly understand and hope you have a lovely day<333
⋆⭒˚.⋆ percy jackson x daughter of hades! reader hcs
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content: percy jackson x daughter of hades! reader hcs warning: talk of death??, minor angst at the end kinda sorta not really, author's note: i liked this one. i feel like this was a nice balance between silly goofy and seriously good takes. ALSO i would like to apologize in advance for those last few lines, i was feeling emo and sad and that's what came out of that. really rounds the whole thing out tho. also, honored to be your first request and i hope it's everything you want a more!!
i'm sorry but bro pulled both the children of hades??? hello??
he said imma 'make that family tree fall in love with me'
i just know every time percy does something hot, you and nico just share a glance that said 'this WILL be discussed before bed tn trust'
also, you and nico??? the best siblings
literally so cute together, so much love, so much trauma-
wait, what was that last one-
don't think about it too much
just like nico, you're a daddy's girl at heart and visit home (of the dead) as much as possible
and since hades is such a big gossip (you know its the truth) you just know he's prying you for information about your relationship
"but like...he treats you well, right?"
"yes, dad, obviously. if he didn't, he'd be dead."
"that's my girl."
and and even tho the hades cabin looks kinda sketchy and totally creepy, ideal nap and cuddle place.
like, cabin three is cool and all but the cabin thirteen is legit so perfect for naps bc built in blackout curtains and it's always cold so you can just cuddle up under your blankets with your snuggly son of the sea god and youre out like a light
until nico comes in banging cymbals that he got from gods know where, chanting 'GET OUT OF MY CABIN! GET OUT OF MY CABIN!"
"ITS OUR CABIN NICO!"
"I WASN'T TALKING TO YOOOOOOOU!" he yelled back, emphasizing his words with more cymbal crashes and pointed looks at percy, who was seizing with laughter
no one at camp really knows when you and percy became you and percy
just one day he was attached to you at the hip and no one asked questions
and when new campers ask the two when they got together, you both just share a glance and shrug.
anniversaries are celebrated randomly through the year, simply because you cannot remember dates to save your lives.
like, you'll just walk to breakfast and percy will present you with flowers and gifts and everyone cheers but as you give percy a kiss on his cheek you're like
"which one is this for?"
"i'm going with first date but tbh i have no idea."
"yeah, no, that sounds right, lets go with that."
just two idiots in love
two deadly idiots in love
but really, they only become a problem when you hurt the other
like you try stay out of fights as much as possible but the second percy has so much as a scratch, you're raising hell
literally
legions of hell will be raised to protect your man
he being helped off the ground by abe lincoln and princess diana fr
(not that im saying they in hell, they were just the only two famous dead people i could think of)
(don't shame me, i can feel it through the screen)
(SHUT UP-)
anyways
yeah, mr salt water and ms bones are in love and happy the world is spinning and they totally have no trauma at all
(percy doesn't want her anywhere near him sometimes, feeling like he can only bear bad news for children of hades)
(you get worried that percy might be too good for you, that you're tainted with the blood of the dead and there's no coming back from that. the blood of death is your blood is the blood of death. they are one in the same. you are death as death is you.)
very happy here, nothing to be concerned about 😀😀😀
dont worry, you guys talk through these issues and find healthy ways to deal with all the childhood trauma.
a couple that grows together, stays together.
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vixeneptune · 8 months
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A message from your future self 💌
""you did it. You literally have it all and I mean EVERYTHING you've ever wanted and more. You manifested that dream life, that dream house, that dream partner, there's so much more in store for you and you don't even know it yet! I mean the things you're gonna experience are beyond what you can even imagine rn like it's so much better. YOU are soooo much better!
I'm telling you from where I am at, I look around me and see everything I've ever envisioned for myself. I'm chilling in my dream house, abundance all around, looking at myself in the mirror with my desired face and body😍. I see my life partner who worships the ground I walk on, he's EXACTLY my type (yup you manifested him and everything went better than you think rn) he literally adores you, he gives you flowers everyday and makes you the happiest. This man will do anything for u fr.
Girl the love you're about to experience is unreal. Also the glowup you're about to have?? Ohmygod you age like fine wine.. Or more like.. You never age you just keep looking younger and prettier like howww. People wonder what your secret is. I swear it's like I never peak I'm always getting and looking better.
Ohhh and your confidence, if you think you're confident enough now just wait 🤣 I'm so confident now that I literally don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks or says like I'm so expressive and assertive and free! I'm so confident that I could literally dance in the street infront of a bunch of people, I can befriend anyone, I love doing public speeches, I feel good having all eyes on me. My confidence SHOWS it radiates for miles. How I walk, talk and act all show how confident I am. I completely trust myself now like I never have any doubts ! Yup zero doubts we are THAT secure.
I know you're waiting for it and yes, we did THAT TOO. We traveled to alot of cool places, met alot of new amazing people all over the world. You're so rich that it doesn't matter how much anything costs like you don't even have to look at the price, your man buys it for you. You're rich af too from doing your passion and girl lemme tell you.. Success is GUARANTEED for you. You'll see it.
If you ever think your physical body is not malleable, well you're so wrong. You literally shapeshifted like you have your exact desired appearance now and everyone is shocked by your glowup.. They wonder what you did or HOW you did it. I've always been beautiful but this is next level.. I'm talking MAXIMUM level of beauty, goddess level of beauty like it's unreal.
I love realizing how powerful I've always been, like I manifested all of it, you did. You're doing it rn and it's all working out behind the scenes. The moment you want something, the whole universe rearranges itself so it can give it to you, all you ever had to do is be open to receive bc it's already YOURS. Trust me. You already got it and you don't even have to try it all happened so naturally!
I'm proud of you, and I'm proud of myself. even though I already have all my desires now and I'm fulfilled, I still think there's so much more ahead, bc life just keeps on getting better for us! We ARE SO lucky you have no idea
Never give up, never settle for less. "
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svtfilthandfiction · 8 months
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hi hi i love the way you write sm, i saw the request is open, can i request seventeen react to doing it raw for the first time ^///^
Seventeen's reaction to doing it raw for the first time
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A/N : Hiii, Omg tysm!! I hope you enjoy this one :D
Seungcheol - has a breeding kink so he's over the moon when you ask him to fuck you without a condom. Grunts as soon as he enters you and tries not to cum. Definitely fucks you harder than usual bc your cunt is driving him insane.
Jeonghan - isn't phased at first but he's a moaning mess as soon as he's in you. Closes his eyes because it feels like a 100x better than usual. He's constantly whining because he's trying not to cum. "Fuck Y/n, you feel so good around me"
Joshua - He really likes it tbh. Taking you raw feels so good that he probably cums too soon but it's okay because seeing his cum drip out of your hole turns him on so much that he's fucking you again.
Junhui - Bro is excited. He probably goes crazy and fucks you at a faster pace bc he can't help himself. Even when he cums, he keeps on going, accidentally overstimulating himself.
Soonyoung - Y'all already saw it coming. His breeding kink goes brrr. It's so intense he's like fucking you senseless whilst babbling about how he want's to fill you up with his cum (or tigers babies if you also have a breeding kink)
Wonwoo - I don't know if he'd fuck you harder or slower to make it intimate. Definitely sucks in a breath when he's in you because he feels like he's going to cum already. His pace depends on what you ask for.
Jihoon - He's so grateful that you trust him enough to cum inside. Almost goes crazy when he fills you up and suddenly he doesn't want to use condoms anymore bc he's addicted to cumming inside. (buys birth control pills instead of condoms)
Seokmin - Is a little worried at the beginning bc he's not ready to have kids. But, as long as you're on birth control or take the morning after pill than he's not using a condom. He' very loud, whining and moaning bc your cunt feels too good.
Mingyu - Was so excited to try it because tbh his pull out game is a little weak anyways. loves that he doesn't have to worry about pulling out and just releases inside you. That's where his creampie kink started.
Minghao - Finds it super intimate. Loves that skin to skin feeling as he slides into you. He already feels super close to you but holds your hand to be as close as possible. It's always been his dream to have kids so filling you up with his cum turns him on.
Seungkwan - Ooo, loves the idea of filling you up. He's also very loud bc it feels more sensitive then usual and he's on the brink of cumming. He probably gets overstimulated when he cums.
Vernon - Ngl, bro probably forgot condoms one day but you were both too riled up to go back so you begged him to fuck you raw. He thinks he's never felt this good before and it feels so right to cum inside you.
Chan - He acts like a virgin and it's his first time fucking a pussy. Starts babbling as soon as he's in you "Fuck, fuck so tight, so warm" it all gets to his head and he's coming to quick. He'll end up making it up to you by giving you oral and licking his own cum out of you like a good boy until he's hard again.
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Hello, thankyou for reading to the end, I hope you enjoyed! Requests are open if you have any!
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lovebugism · 1 year
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☄. *. ⋆ ┄ Feel Good
summary: you don't come. ever. well... not until steve harrington comes along. pairing: steve harrington / f!reader warnings: the longest headcanon ever, talks of shitty boyfriends and masturbation, pure smut 18+ mdni! a/n: if you saw this before the repost... no you didn't. and to the anon that requested this: i hope you like it!
( MASTERLIST )
you don't come
this is not an exaggeration
it's purely a statement of fact
because you’ve never ever had an orgasm
not one
not with your fingers, not with a toy, not with a partner, not ever
you get pretty close sometimes
if you're in the right mindset and you have enough time (and a partner who isn't totally focused on their own pleasure
you can actually get really, really close
it’s kinda like climbing a steep mountain and nearly reaching the top
or seeing a glimmer light at the end of the dark tunnel
it always ends the same way, though
you fall from the peak. darkness swallows you whole. the feeling of bliss swells and then disappears entirely.
some of your partners have come up with their own theories
one said you internalized your religious upbringing and turn away from pleasure without thinking
another insisted that it wasn’t their fault they couldn’t make you come because your clit was just too small
the last one told you that you just “needed to love yourself more”
it was exhausting, quite honestly
your partners became your therapist, trying to pry into your mind and diagnose you accordingly
you were an experiment to them
they tried every position and motion to try and get you there, though sometimes it felt like they were only doing it because it felt good for them
some didn’t bother trying at all
they got frustrated with you, called you broken, and left to find someone “normal”
and it fucking sucked
so somewhere down the line, you just started faking it
because that was easier than having those uncomfortable conversations and waiting until they inevitably left you
that ultimately led to you avoiding relationships all together
and then you met steve
and you liked steve
screw that, you liked liked steve
he wasn’t like all the rest of the partners that fucked you over
and for the first time in a long time, you had a really good feeling about the whole thing
but you were terrified of screwing it up
and you were also terrified of lying to him
you were able to avoid it for the most part
that is, until he was about to go down on you for the first time
he’s got you on your back with his head between your legs
you tense when he presses a kiss to your thigh 
“you okay?”
“i don’t come” you blurt
“…what?”
“i don’t know why. i’ve just never been able to. and it’s not because of you, okay? so i don’t want you to think you’re doing something wrong or that i don’t want to do this, because holy shit i wanna do this so bad—”
and you’re just rambling
mostly because you feel like if you keep talking, it’ll keep him from saying something you don’t wanna hear
steve just nods and shoots you a small smile from between your legs
“that’s ok :)”
and you breathe out the biggest sigh of relief
because no one’s ever not made a huge deal about it
“can i still make you feel good?”
you just nod down at him bc you don’t trust your voice to say something intelligible
he gives you head that night and he’s good
he’s great actually
but you don’t come
the sex is even better
he makes an effort to find ways that’ll make it feel better for you
he’ll put pillows beneath your hips and push your legs up towards your chest when he’s on top of you
he’ll tell you all the ways to position yourself when you’re on top of him
with one leg bent and your foot flat on the bed so he’s hitting your sweet spot every time he drills into you
and it’s never about him
it never feels like he’s doing crazy positions to exploit you under the guise of “blowing your mind”
most guys only wanted to get you off so that they could feel like some kind of sex god
but steve genuinely wants you to feel good
and he’s so willing to learn your body to help you feel good
one time he sat himself behind you with his chin hooked over your shoulder
“show me how you do it” he said to you
and you did
but it didn't feel like you were some experiment to him either
it was so fucking hot
he made a show out of it, asking you to tell him everything you were doing to yourself and how it felt
“does that feel good?”
“it feels so good—” you interrupt yourself as your mouth falls open in a silent moan and your legs start to tense up
“oh that’s the spot, huh?”
and he likes to learn about all the times you’ve gotten the closest
even though to you it’s mortifying
you’re red in the face the entire time you tell him the only time you ever thought you might actually come was with the shower head
you get embarrassed and hide your face in his shoulder
he’s just like “no, it’s sexy! we can try that if you want?”
but you’re scared that might be a little too exposing and that there would be way too much pressure on you
as always, he’s the most understanding person on the planet
“that’s okay. we don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do. ever.”
and he makes you feel so safe and cared for 
even when you get defeated
because both of you try so hard but you just can’t get there
and after he’s spent an hour between your legs switching between his fingers and his mouth
you start crying out of pure and utter frustration
“steve stop. just stop. there’s no point. let’s just quit.”
and obv when you tell him to stop he’s gonna stop
but he can tell how sad you are when your back is to him and you're putting your clothes back on
and he tries not to smile when you get all twisted in your bra bc you’re so moody that you don’t put it on the right way
“it’s okay baby, we can keep trying—”
“no, steve, it’s not okay! i just don’t get why i can’t be like normal people!”
“there’s nothing wrong with you, okay? some girls just have a harder time than others. it’s okay to come less than other people”
“less?” you scoff “how about never?”
and he’s still patient with you
even while you’re ranting and getting all angry at him and yourself
“i don’t even know why you still try! it’s never gonna happen, okay? ever. you get that, right? there’s no point in trying. you should just find someone else—”
that’s when he stops you
“okay. that’s enough.”
he walks to you where you’re standing in nothing but your bra and underwear and your jeans that you shoved on but didn't button before you started ranting
“it doesn’t matter if you come or not— well, it does, but that’s not what this is about, okay? it doesn’t have to be about having an orgasm. when i’m with you, it doesn’t feel like i’m trying to accomplish something. it’s just about two people who love each other, spending time together, and feeling good”
“…you love me?”
“…was that not obvious?”
the two of you spend the rest of the night cuddling after that
and he’s adamant about not making it about sex
though he keeps having to apologize for his boner pressing into your back
a few days later he surprises you with a present, all wrapped up in with a pretty bow on top
“is it christmas?” you joke at the reindeer patterned wrapping paper
“sorry. that’s all i could find at the house.”
and it’s this huge fuck off vibrator that you know must’ve costed a fortune
you’re totally flustered when you open it and you have no idea what to do with yourself
but he’s so smiley and tells you that he wants to try it with you
and it’s really fucking good
it makes the already amazing sex that much better
you’re on your sides with him pressed against your back
and he holds it against your clit while he fucks you from behind
(he’s having an even better time too because he can feel the vibrations of it from inside of you)
you get the closest you’ve ever been like that
he watches intently when you press your face into your pillow
“are you close?”
you nod wordlessly
“i think… fuck— i think i might come”
and he starts fucking you harder, finding your spot and hitting it over and over again with the vibe still pressed attentively to your clit
a cry rises in your throat and escapes your mouth
and right when you think you might actually have your first orgasm
it fucking goes away
“fuck!”
steve can tell it’s not an exclamation of pleasure, but one of anger
he asks if you wanna keep going
you tell him he can until he comes but that you’re not gonna get there
like a doctor, he prescribes masturbation
and you spend exactly one week using the vibrator by yourself and trying to use it different ways that get you closer and closer
you’re on your back with it pressed into your opening while fiercely rubbing at your clit
and you feel yourself getting closer and closer and closer
it builds in an achingly familiar way
but when the feeling usually starts to ebb, it keeps going
the pleasure crescendos, numbs, and then explodes
having the house to yourself, you don’t bother holding back the noises, the almost painful sounding moans, as they spill from your mouth
the first thing you do when your senses return to you, is call steve
even though it’s 2 a.m.
and when he answers, he’s all groggy with sleep but he’s immediately ecstatic for you
he’s over at your place in ten minutes tops after your promise of recreating it for him
and you’re just absolutely gushing about it and thanking him a ton
because he’s the one who got you the vibrator after all
he wants you to tell him everything so you do
you tell him how you were laying and what you where thinking about
*cough cough* him
and what your fingers were doing and how the real trick was putting the vibe partly inside of you
and you don’t think about how it might make him insecure until the words are spilling from your mouth
because you’ve known guys in the past who get intimidated by dildos and vibrators out of fear that they could never compete with them
steve does express a little bit of that insecurity
he tries to cover it up by joking about how much bigger the toy is than his dick and how pretty soon he’ll be replaced altogether
and he’s laughing but you can tell it isn’t genuine because it doesn’t reach his eyes
so you tell him that you love every single part of him including his dick and that him ‘getting replaced’ is never happening in a million, billion years
when you start trying to get yourself to come again you make sure he’s involved too
both of you are kneeling on your bed and you’re gripping the headboard while he’s fucking into you from behind
one hand is clutching yours and the other is rubbing at your clit
you’ve got the vibrator pressed where you and steve meet
and you can feel him all over you
he’s mouthing at your neck and shoulder
and using his free hand to hold you and tease your nipples
you feel the pleasure start to build and your face scrunches up while you moan
and steve talks you all the way through it
“there you go. you got it— no, don’t tense up, baby, just let it happen... uh-huh, there it is. come for me, baby. come for me.”
and you do
catastrophically so
you tense so hard it almost hurts and you’re shaking like a leaf in his hold
the pleasure is numbing at first before hitting you like a fuck freight train
and you’d be embarrassed about the noises you were making if it didn’t feel so damn good and steve wasn’t praising you the entire way through
“there you go, baby. feels good, huh? you’re so— fuck, you’re getting so tight around me. can barely… holy shit… i can barely fucking move—”
you’re laughing in pure bliss when you feel him coming inside of you
he presses his weight against you and sprinkles wet kisses to your neck, humming praises onto your skin
when you come down and collect your bearings you confess to him, still caught in the post-sex haze, “it didn’t… it didn’t feel like that before…”
“no?”
“uh-uh. felt, like, a thousand times fucking better… 'cause you were here”
and he gets all sweet and blushy, saying he didn’t really do much
but you tell him that it was all him and that he helped you a ton
that he always helps you
“you’re the best sex i’ve ever had steve harrington, orgasm or not”
and this boy is blushing so hard you can see it in the tips of his ears
both of you are love-drunk and happy and dazed
he spends the rest of the night fucking you into your mattress
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yesimwriting · 3 months
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oh my god yes i'm very much interested in a drabble about my favourite besties kissing as besties do!!!!!!!!
the one that i really can't stop thinking about is the "i trust you more than anyone else" stuff like it's me and you against the world i'm such a sucker for that!! especially since felix is surrounded by people who wanna be close to him all the time and as easy going and open as he seems with anyone, it's of course on an entirely different level with reader
ugh the intimacy of it all makes me melt i love them😭😭
you get the vision!!
also had to start off a little angstier than usual bc the bestie kiss ™️ is only justifiable if both of them are upset enough to be more focused on being close than anything else, y'know
----
The taste lingers. The bitterness infects all it touches, poisoning you from the inside out as you down the drink that some guy pushed into your hand a few minutes ago.
A familiar warning briefly flashes to the front of your mind. Don't take drinks from strangers...especially not drinks that you didn't see them make. One of a hundred safety rules that you usually adhere to.
You've never really under the self destructive urge after drinking thing. Maybe it's just being tired. Maybe it's just this.
You wipe at your eyes with your palm, only remembering the products you had so carefully applied to your skin a few hours ago after the fact.
"Are you--" A familiar voice cuts through the music. You blink once, but it's not enough to force your eyes to adjust, so you try again. After screwing your eyes shut for a second, you can finally make out the person in front of you. Annabel. "You don't look like you're doing too good."
Your irritation has nothing to do with her, and yet seeing her standing there, effortlessly flawless with a slight edge that just fits here, you feel the knot in your stomach tighten. But that's not her fault, so as stabiliy and politely as possible, you answer, "I'm...fine."
She regards you for a moment, eyebrows pinching together in uncertainty. "Why don't we find Felix, yeah?"
Why does everyone always assume that Felix is the solution to all of your problems? "I'm okay," you try again, voice a little more certain, "really."
Annabel still doesn't seem too convinced. She turns her head, scanning the crowded room. It doesn't take long for her to find Felix. It never does.
He's sitting on a loveseat that's been pushed towards the edge of the room. A few people are standing around him, a girl is sitting on the chair's arm, her legs swung over his lap.
"And he seems..." You force your face to remain neutral as your eyes finally land on him. "Busy."
Annabel looks back at you, her lips pressing together. Her expression only adds to your unease. "He wouldn't mind. It's you."
You shake your head, the motion adding to your slight nausea. Usually, you wouldn't think twice about sticking by Felix's side. Especially in this kind of setting, but after the words the two of you exchanged earlier, everything feels off its axis.
You're not used to fighting with Felix. It's such a foreign concept that the strange tension that had you walking away from him earlier probably doesn't even constitute an actual argument. But it's enough to make you feel out of place.
Swallowing once, you force yourself to focus on Annabel. "I think I just need some air." Annabel's still regarding you with uncertainty. "I'll be back in a minute, and if I feel sick or anything, I'll go get Felix." She doesn't move until someone calls her name. "Go. Have fun. I'll see you."
Annabel nods once, giving you a polite smile before leaving.
The door is near where Felix is sitting, which means there's no leaving without walking past him. There's enough of a crowd around him that him not noticing is a likely option, so you feel safe crossing the room.
You push your way through the room, eyes trained on the ground to help your balance. It's also a good excuse to not look at Felix as you reach the door.
There are stragglers--a group of girls chatting and giggling in front of the door, some guys doing shots, a girl in the middle of a phone call that looks painful.
You walk around the side of the house until you find an empty section of the sidewalk. The party feels far away here, even though the only thing dividing you is a few cars, a mailbox, and a streetlight. You sit and let yourself pretend that the bit of distance you've managed to create means something.
You could actually leave. Sure, this is a slightly off campus house party, but it's only a few blocks away from the street that'll take you to your dorm. You did walk here, but that was when you were focused, sober, and you had Felix with you.
But that's--you brought cash. You think. Maybe you should call a cab. It's not the worst idea. You drop your attention to the ground, instinctually searching for your purse.
Ugh. Your purse. Felix. You gave it to Felix.
Okay, you're still an independent person. This is probably for the best. It's never a good idea to leave a party without at least telling the person you came with, and this way it won't be a big deal. You'll ask for your purse so that you can call a cab. He probably won't even care.
You just need a minute to get it together. Then you'll be able to go back in, tap Felix on his shoulder, and get your purse. He won't even have to get that girl off his lap.
It is such a double standard. Felix completely forgetting about you is perfectly fine, but you talk to one person that isn't more Felix's friend than yours at one of these things and that must mean you're trying to replace him as a best friend.
Maybe you've been deluding yourself, convincing yourself that your friendship means more than it actually does. The thought makes it hard to breathe right.
"It's cold out."
Your palms press into asphalt as you snap your head to find the source of the sound. Felix. A lump wedges itself in your throat. "I'm fine." He takes a step forward. "I just wanted some air."
You turn your head, forcing yourself to stare ahead. Soft footsteps, the crunching of asphalt echoes, somehow sharper than the music coming from the house. Felix sits.
He's farther than he usually is.
You lift your hands, taking your time brushing your fingers against your palms to get rid of the debris that indented itself into your skin. "You um--you have my purse, right?" You fold your hands against your lap. "I need my phone. I--I need to call a taxi."
"What?" His voice doesn't come out angry, but there's a flatness there that burrows deep into the pit of your stomach. It almost feels disappointed. "Why?"
You squeeze your hands together, "I want to go home." You still can't look at him. "I want to go back to my room." Your voice starts to crack on the last word. Nails instinctually dig into your knee.
Felix sighs, angling himself towards you, "You don't have to do that." His voice is soft, cautious. "If you want to leave, I'll take you."
"No," you shake your head once, attention still focused forward to keep him from noticing the fact that your eyes are now watering. All of this feels so dumb, so small. Why are you almost crying? "It's okay, you're having fun, I can get back by myself."
He lets out another breath, moving his arm so that his hand sits between both of you. "You're drunk."
"So are you."
A beat of silence that feels like an attempt at admitting that he's more than just drunk. You saw Tyler--or Trevor, or maybe Timothy--wandering the halls. Some guy whose name you can never remember because he only shows up at the end of nights, when you're too out of it to do much more than just be happy. He's known for carrying--and sharing--harder stuff.
Not that you'd know. There's nowhere that Felix won't take you, nothing that he keeps from you. That's part of the beauty of your friendship, the lack of judgement. But Felix isn't fond of you participating in everything all the time.
If you ever show interest in anything on a night that Felix isn't feeling too sure about, he'll offer to get you whatever you want later, when it's just the two of you. Maybe you'd mind his concern if you cared about getting high more.
You can feel Felix's stare, the weight of his full attention. "You don't actually think I'm going to let you go anywhere alone, after drinking, in the middle of the night."
There's a patience there that makes it hard to sit still. You turn your head, finally looking at him, "I'm fine. I can--" You cut yourself off with a slight sniffle.
You wipe at your face with the side of your palm. Felix's eyebrows are pinched together. You don't know what to make of the way he's watching you. Felix lifts his hand, fingers finding their way against your jaw before you can move. "You're upset."
Pressing your lips together, you try to force yourself to look as neutral as possible. "I'm fine." He doesn't move. "You should go back to your party, Felix."
"The party?" His expression briefly contorts in confusion. "I don't care about the party." Your vision is starting to blur. "There are other parties. You're crying." Felix shifts his hand up your face, his thumb brushing against the apple of your cheek.
You try to take a stabilizing breath, "It's not a big deal." You will yourself to move, to rely on him less. "I don't think I'm going to be any fun tonight, you should go, and I--I'll talk you tomorrow."
He frowns. "You don't have to be any fun." Felix shouldn't have to coddle you. Embarrassment and guilt further knot your stomach. "If you want to sit here, we can sit here. If you want to go inside, we can go inside. If you want to go home, we'll go home."
"Earlier," you manage, focusing on keeping your voice as even as possible, "When we--" Tears pool in your eyes, something at the back of your throat constricts. "I didn't--I don't know--"
You're not making sense, forcing out fragments of thoughts that don't work together. Felix seems to understand anyway, his thumb grazing against your cheek. "We don't have to talk about that now." You nod slowly. "If you still want to go home, let me take you."
You attempt a full breath, "But what ab--"
He tilts his head in a way that makes it feel like he's telling you a secret, "If you ask about the party again, I'm calling you delusional."
You roll your eyes. It's a relatively lame threat, but it serves its purpose. The corner of your mouth tugs itself upwards, your lips pressed together to hold in a partial laugh. "Okay."
Felix's hand slips from the side of your face and finds a new place against your shoulder. "Yeah? Let's go then."
He stands first and then extends an arm to help you. His stability makes it easier.
There is no laughter or pausing on sidewalks to try to hold onto each other. The two of you are quiet, but Felix does keep your fingers intertwined the entire way back to his dorm.
You don't think to question where he's taking you until you're in his room. "Felix." The walk had been good for you, the fresh air and time to gather your thoughts providing enough of a reprieve for you to get it together. "I want to go to sleep."
"Yeah," he mumbles, "I know, I'll get you your favorite shirt."
Your eyes focus on the ground. "I think I should sleep in my room tonight."
Felix sighs, turning away from the door. "You're trying to leave again."
The accusation only half makes sense, but there's a quietness to his voice that gets to you. All the nervous, alcohol fueled energy is coming back with a vengeance. "When have I ever left you?"
Felix scoffs, the sound bitter. "You left me tonight." If his voice was any less raspy, any less urging, you likely would have laughed. He's the one that got mad at you. "You just--you walked away from me. Like I didn't even matter to you."
The a thinly veiled sadness there that almost feels nervous. He can't meet your gaze. The pride encouraging you to stand still bleeds from you. Without its heat, its fire, there's not much keeping you stable.
You move forward, footsteps cautious. "Felix." You stretch a hand forward, fingers brushing against his forearm. He doesn't move. "Of course you matter to me. So much." Your fingers bend around his wrist. "You're my best friend."
He turns his arm. Your body tenses, preparing for his rejection. Felix's hand squeezes yours. There's a tension in his hold, but you embrace it all the same. "You walked away from me."
You take another step towards him, freehand finding his arm. "That's why." He sets a hand against you waist. The contact is firm, unforgiving. There's still hurt, but the only thing more unthinkable than holding on is letting go. "What you say means so much to me, because you're my best friend." His fingers press into your side. "And you were upset--and there were so many people--" Tears prick the corner of your eyes. "And I couldn't do that there."
"No." He squeezes your hand. "No, don't--don't cry, we're okay." As if to prove his point, Felix pulls you closer. The movement's too sudden for you to keep your balance on your own. You tighten your hold on Felix's arm. "Still my best girl, yeah?"
This is nowhere near the closest you've ever been to him. He has a hand on your hip, but that's far from the touchiest he's ever been. It shouldn't--he shouldn't be this distracting. It takes you a second too long to remember to nod.
He angles his head downwards, his cheek finding a place against your shoulder. Felix's breath is warm against your neck. "Wouldn't leave me."
You nod, moving your hand to rest against his back. Felix relaxes against you. It's not easy to stay stable with the alcohol still in your system and Felix's weight on you, but you manage.
"No." You mean it so much it almost hurts to get out. You'd never walk away from him. There's nothing like your bond with Felix. You could talk to him, be around him forever without feeling drained. "Of course not."
Felix turns his head, brushing his lips against your neck. "Stay over, then?" The question is soft, fragile. It'd be smart to create distance. If tonight's proven anything, it's that you're too attached to him. "Please?"
You smooth your knuckles against his spine. "Okay." He presses a kiss against your shoulder. "Yeah. I'll stay."
He hugs you even tighter. "No more tears, alright?"
You squeeze him back. "Alright."
For awhile, the two of you stay like that. There's nothing left to say, and that still manages to be comfortable. Silence is never uncomfortable with Felix.
He eventually shifts to place a kiss against the side of your neck. "We should get ready for bed."
You hum once in agreement. Neither of you move. Things are simple when you factor out the rest of the world. Things are easy when it's just you and Felix.
An overwhelming wave of fondness brings you back. As gently as possible, you start the process of untangling limbs. Felix pouts at you, expression drowsier than before.
Your fingers carefully brush his hair out of his face. "I need to change."
Felix fully straightens. His hand finds the back of your head. He pulls you towards him, pressing a kiss against your forehead. "Okay."
He lets go of you before walking towards his dresser. Felix opens the top drawer and finds your usual sleep shirt. You take it before entering his bathroom.
Going out outfits are cute, but there's something about the moment you get home that immediately forces every ounce of discomfort to hit all at once. You shed the restrictive layers before pulling Felix's T-shirt over your head.
You swear there's some kind of rich guy secret to keeping clothes this soft. A combination of fabric, fancy detergent, and some third thing that's reserved for those in the know.
You turn on the sink, ready to wash what's left of the night off of your face. Felix has never gotten rid of or moved anything you've left in here. What's left of your buzz has you more emotional than usual, making the evidence of your life in his space heavier than it should be.
The feeling is good and bad all at once. Your attachment to Felix is the kind of thing that can only come from fully understanding someone. But there's an inherent danger in knowing someone like that, carrying about them like that. Especially Felix, who has everyone so he doesn't need anyone.
You splash some more water onto your face, attempting to shake off any lingering angst. You don't want to dissect your friendship until it eventually falls apart into nothingness.
When you finally step back into his room, Felix is sitting on his bed, back pressed against the wall. He's managed to change into pajama pants, but seems to be struggling with everything else. His shirt's half unbuttoned, and his fingers are actively working at undoing the rest of them. Felix's movements are slow and clumsy as he tugs on the fabric.
Wow. Maybe you were right to think he was high. "Hey." He looks up at you, hands still attempting to pull apart his shirt. There's something endearing about the clumsiness. He drops his head back down to refocus."Do you--uh--do you need help?"
He angles his head to one side, a smile playing at his lips. "Are you asking to undress me?"
Heat burns through your chest, leaving you hollow. You approach his dresser, leaving your neatly folded outfit on the wooden surface. "Figure out your own shirt."
"No," his sigh is light, almost a laugh, "'M kidding." Your glare only seems to add to his easygoing mood. He smiles, dropping a hand to pat the space next to him. "Come here."
You give in with a sigh, crossing the room and sitting at the foot of his bed. He reaches forward, briefly squeezing your shoulder before returning to work on his shirt. It's hard to watch him stumble through undoing a single button, just to have to start the process all over again.
You pull your legs onto the bed, turning to fully face him. Your knee is pressed against his thigh.
"Lovie," he hums, as if your presence is some kind of revelation.
"Felix." He grins, hands releasing his shirt in favor of trying to grasp your arm. "Wait--" His fingers wrap around your wrist. "I'm--trying--" He pulls your hand towards him, placing a kiss against your knuckles. You laugh. "I'm trying to help you."
He tugs on your arm. His pull isn't harsh, but the unexpectedness of it paired with your buzz makes it enough to throw off your balance. Your freehand presses against the mattress in an attempt to stabilize yourself. Felix laughs, tugging on you again.
Fighting your own fit of giggles, you instinctually push yourself onto your knees in an attempt to regain some control. Felix gives you a second to find your footing. You gently pull his hand off of your forearm and set it on his lap. He frowns.
You extend your arms, placing your hands on his shoulders. Part of the reason for it is to help keep you stable, the rest of it is to keep him focused. He looks up at you, eyes pools of hesitant affection. "Stay still."
He lets you reach for his shirt. "Y'don't have to, I'm okay."
Shrugging, you continue to work at unclasping his buttons. "It's okay, I like helping you."
You unbutton the few buttons that are left. "Better?" Felix nods. "I'll get you a pajama shirt."
Before you can get far, Felix grabs your hand. "We're..." He focuses on bending and straightening your fingers. "Good, right?"
There's something soft about the question, almost shy. "Yeah." He turns over your palm, tracing the lines etched into your skin. "Of course we're good." You adjust, crossing your legs beneath you to sit down.
"Honestly, I was thinking about it, and part of the reason I was upset is because..." This is harder to admit than you thought it'd be. "You seemed really okay without me, and that--I don't know. It's dumb, because I really do want you to be happy, but it made me feel a little replaceable, I guess."
"What?"
You sigh, dropping your attention to your intertwined hands. "I know, I said it was dumb." You pause, eyes darting up to look at him. His expression isn't judgmental or like he needs space. You can't fully read his expression, but nothing about the way he's looking at you feels unkind. "I only mentioned it to be honest, I don't like the idea of keeping se--"
He pulls on your arm again, this time his hold a little firmer. You're closer now. Felix's other hand finds your hip, anchoring you in place. You're too confused to do anything but blink at him.
Felix lets go of your arm, fingers finding their way beneath your chin. He angles your head so that all of your attention is on him. Your lips part, a half thought out question is on the tip of your tongue when Felix leans towards you. His lips meet yours.
You're still, shock and something a lot more electric rendering you in capable of anything else. This isn't the first time Felix has pressed his lips against yours. He's affectionate, especially when drinking is involved. He'll brush his lips against yours after taking a shot together, or just because at the end of a long night. It's not an everyday thing, but it's happened from time to time.
This--this isn't that. He's lingering, lips parting so that his teeth can graze against your bottom lip. Felix pulls away just enough to look you in the eye. His thumb brushes across your cheek.
"You're my best friend." Felix's words are so urging, so pleading you nod before you can think. "Best mate. You're the--the only one that gets me. Really gets me." His hand moves to the back of your head, pulling you back to him.
Any sense of hesitance vanishes the second time he kisses you. He's all consuming, lips dragging against yours with a desperate patience that's dizzying. It's disorientating, the desire to be that much closer to someone when there's no way to get there.
Felix's hand finds your back. He pushes you towards him. There's no good way to oblige. You try anyway, shifting your weight back onto your knees. Felix pulls you forward by your waist. You're too focused on him to realize what's happening until you're on his lap.
He takes his time letting you go, teeth tugging on your bottom lip. "I trust you more than anyone." Felix leans back in, placing a quick kiss against your lips. "You're not replaceable." He squeezes your shoulder. "You know that, right?"
Still breathless, you nod. He's watching you with so much patience, so much care it's almost hard to bare.
His thumb smooths circles against your shoulder. "Let's go to bed, yeah?"
You lift his hand off your thigh to press a kiss against the back of his palm. "Yeah, lets go to bed."
He squeezes your shoulder once before letting you go. You move off of his lap carefully.
Felix sits up enough to push his shirt off of his shoulders. Your eyes instinctually fall to his sheets. "Do you want me to get you a shirt?"
"Why? Distracted?"
You roll your eyes in an attempt to the fact that you are struggling to look at him. "Shut up."
He grins as he pulls back his sheets. "M'okay." You take the opportunity to slip beneath the layers of fabric. Felix waits until you're settled to crawl beneath the sheets. "It's warm enough, even with you stealing my blankets."
"I do not," the sentence is more of a mock gasp than anything else. Felix shifts onto his side before collapsing his weight on you. "Felix."
"What?" He rests his cheek against your chest. "This is the only way to keep you from taking my sheets."
You sigh, feigning annoyance as your fingers find his hair. "Rude. I'm a great bed sharer."
Felix lets out a partial laugh against the side of your neck. His hand finds your hip. "You are pretty great."
Your hand trails down towards his back, nails grazing against the bare skin. "You are, too."
Silence stretches between the two of you for so long you assume that he's already fallen asleep. Felix has a talent for drifting off in the blink of an eye.
"Lovie?" He whispers the term so lowly you almost convince yourself the sound is a figment of your imagination.
"Yeah?"
You can feel the shift in his breathing. "It's you and me--just you and me, when it comes down to it." His thumb brushes up and down your side. "You know that."
He relaxes as your fingers trail down the start of his spine. "Yeah. Of course I know that." A part of you feels naive for believing his words so easily. He's too adored to just be your Felix at the end of the day, and yet-- "Just you and me."
Felix leaves an open mouthed kiss against collarbone. It's the kind of warm that leaves goosebumps breaking out everywhere the contact can't be felt. "Good."
----
taglist; @vader-is-hot @spiritofbuddha @getosangie @freyafriggafrey @ilovehyperfixating @aryiannarae @willowpains @ker0senebunny
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hellsslibrary · 9 months
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I really liked your Epel and Riddle first time with male reader post bc I never really see top male reader content 🫂 if it's okay with you could you write a similar post for Kalim, Jamil, Floyd, Malleus, and Silver? I always appreciate your work ❤️🌈
✧・゚:*Kalim, Jamil, Floyd, Malleus and Silver's first sex with M!reader*:・゚✧
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DNI : minors.
#a.n. : Oh god thank you!! I am very pleased to hear this. Well, Top male reader is actually a rare topic in general, so I'm glad someone is enjoying it!
!!Warnings : first time (obviously), fingering, praise, comfort, Floyd is a bit of a brat, pet names, gentle sex, reference to eel mating (yeah, get ready for biology).
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Kalim.
Well... It was probably not even planned, to be honest, but it just kind of happened so spontaneously. Well, you know, just one of you will get turned on (or both of you) and the situation will just take its course.
He has been ready for a long time, so what else can he expect? Well, except for your consent, of course. But other than that, he doesn't need anything, so he's ready for you to take him at any moment.
Although of course he is nervous, because this is such a moment! His favorite boyfriend will deprive him of his virginity, it's so exciting for him! While he'll still be excited about it, he really wants you two to end up fine.
So he will give you control and dominance without any arguments. He wants to make you feel good, which means he will fulfill any of your requests/orders, just to make you feel good.
"Oh, that's so weird, you know? Not bad of course! But weird..." Kalim mutters as he watches your fingers disappear and reappear in his hole as he squeezes your shoulders in his grip.
You chuckle, spreading your fingers in him slightly, which makes him gasp for breath and squeezes your fingers, which makes you laugh even harder.
"I know, sunshine... You'll get used to it soon, trust me," he just nods vigorously at your words, enjoying your soft and slow movements.
"I believe, I believe! It's just... Oh, there!" he screams when he feels your fingers touch his sweet spot, which makes you smirk.
Of course, it was strange to feel your dick in him, and in general something inside him, but he was just in seventh heaven for happiness!
When he finally gets used to the feeling, he will let out something between a moan and a chuckle, pulling you closer and kissing your lips in a sweet and long kiss.
"Mmm, amazing... Don't stop, please!" he whimpers, wrapping his legs around your waist, bringing you even closer to him.
You let out a chuckle, nodding silently, kissing his shoulders, making occasional hickeys on his tanned skin as your hips move at a firm, moderate pace.
He moans, biting his lips in pleasure, burrowing his hands into your hair and squeezing around your cock from time to time.
"So... So g-good, oh, yo-you're so good..." he mutters, moaning as you squeeze his thigh, rubbing its inside painfully close to his bouncing, from your thrusts, cock.
He'll definitely bombard you with compliments after you're done, and he'll probably blabber about it to someone the next day (after all, how often does he think before he says something?)
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Jamil.
I don't know. I kind of want to think that he probably wouldn't care too much about it, but at the same time I can't. I think that you would also discuss the most important aspects with him, just in case.
He doesn't worry too much. He's just about to lose his virginity to the guy he loves, it's just a little exciting, that's all.
But of course he will make sure that your first time will be wonderful and memorable! Just... Just in case :) .
Doesn't really want to give you full control, but will allow you to control most of the process, although it will still take control here and there.
And you will probably be doing this at night... You know, so that all sorts of princes can't distract your Jamil.
"Uhm... A little deeper, [Your name]... Mmm, yes, right there, okay..." he mutters, relaxing under your fingers.
He closes his eyes, his tanned fingers lightly squeezing the pillowcase beneath him as your fingers slowly but surely stretch him for the next experience.
"Are you sure you don't want to speed it all up?" you ask, covering his back with kisses along his spine.
"Do we have somewhere to hurry?" he asks a clearly rhetorical question, glancing back at you over his shoulder, causing you to shake your head in denial.
And, random headcanon, I think he will almost immediately get used to the sensations of your dick inside.
It's just... He's way too relaxed and calm during the whole act (well, as far as you can be when you're being fucked, of course).
"Ghah...I never thought it would be so nice..." he mumbles into the pillow, slowly moving his hips in time with your thrusts.
"And why? You never thought this would happen?" you ask, squeezing his buttcheeks lightly, running your thumb along his stretched rim.
"I thought I wouldn't have time, ah, for this in general, b-but... It's really ni-nice," his voice breaks slightly as he feels your cock touch his prostate.
And then the whole room is filled with sighs that grow into quiet moans when you deliberately start fucking him from this angle, earning a light kick in the side from him.
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Floyd.
Well... Am I supposed to say this? It wasn't even discussed at all. It just happened. Both of you just got horny and just fucked. It's Floyd after all.
He doesn't care at all. Although he is still interested in how sex works in human form, because he probably does not know much about it. Eventually the eels reproduce (Probably. No one knows yet how the mating process occurs in eels) through clouds of sperm that fertilize nearby caviar, they don't even have a dick as such.
Actually... Whether he gives you control or not depends entirely on his mood. So hope for the option that you think is the best, imp.
But damn... It's a great feeling for him! He's also very loud, although you may not even be working on his lower half yet, so I suggest covering his mouth.
"Oh, Koebi-chan, hurry up, I can't stand it! Faster!" Floyd whines as he tries to push your hand away, but only whimpers when you press harder on his prostate.
"Shut up, Floyd. It's going to hurt if I don't stretch you, so be patient..." You whisper, pulling one of his legs over your shoulder, fingering his ass, causing him to squeeze the sheets underneath.
"You're so mean, Koebi-chan~," Floyd mutters, but obviously enjoys your touch.
Well... When your dick is in him, he will not pay attention to pain or strange sensations and will tell you to start fucking him right away!
In the end, it's such an amazing feeling... He even starts to love his human form more. He would never have thought that such pleasure was possible.
"Oh, yes, yes, yes, right there! Hu-hurry—Mhm!" He screams and then furrows his brows at you in a playful manner as you cover his mouth with your hand.
You just continue your quick but gentle thrusts into him as you feel him bite your hand lightly, causing you to hiss and your other hand slaping his ass with moderate force.
"Floyd, shut up... And don't bite, or I'll put something in your mouth, got it?" you ask, stopping your thrusts by looming over him, and tearing out a desperate moan muffled by your hand as your cock pressed even harder against his prostate.
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Malleus.
... I'm torn between two options that he knows too much about sex, or absolutely nothing, I just can't decide ... But since we're talking about virginity here, let's talk about the second option.
He probably doesn't know anything about sex except that there is a phallus and there is a hole. Like, really. So you should probably discuss this beforehand to let him know that sex is not just about instant penetration.
Definitely, he will look for any information about sex, especially about two men (I bet he did not even know that same-sex people can have sex).
And gladly give control into your hands, and also gladly take control into his hands, if that's what you want. He doesn't care as long as both of you are satisfied afterwards.
"Oh... Darling, that's... So weird, not described in the book at all..." Malleus whispers, holding his legs wide for you.
"I don't even want to know what book it is... But anyway, it'll be nice after you get used to it, I promise," you whisper, kissing him on the mark on his forehead, which makes him hum in satisfaction.
"I get it... Then I'll try to get used to it," he nods to himself, closing his eyes and focusing on the feel of your fingers in him.
He probably won't even feel pain at the moment of penetration of your dick, like the truth. He will immediately get used to it, adapt and that's it.
Although he is very sensitive, yes. Considering that the boy is so desperate for touch and he gets the most intimate of them, this is too good for him! Although he is still quite collected.
"Oh, love... You're amazing. You know... Can you bend forward a little, please?" he asks you, and you raise an eyebrow, but you bend over him a little forward, digging a moan out of him.
"What you..?" you stop short when you notice how his fangs bite his lower lip in pleasure, which makes you smile, and continue thrusting in this position.
"It's just that in the wide-legged position, you have to bend over further, mhm, and there will be more pleasure, because the pressure of the ph-phallus on the prostate will be stronger, well, at least that's what I read," he mumbles, lying on his side.
"He's really over-prepared..." you mutter under your breath, chuckling, but take his left knee in your hand, spreading his legs a little wider, eliciting a whimper from him.
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Silver.
Well, he definitely knows that sex is sex. He does not know the subtleties, but he understands the basics quite well. So, you still need to discuss it with him one way or another.
Absolutely not against doing this, although he is worried, of course. But not because he will lose his virginity (although this also worries him a little), but because he is afraid to fall asleep.
He will completely give control to you without pretensions and disputes, which is not surprising. And tell you to wake him up if he suddenly falls asleep, of course.
Although... I doubt he will sleep tonight. In the end, it's a new experience, a sensation for him, and also a slight fear that someone (we don't go into details ;) ) might hear you two and Silver will never see the end of teasing about it.
Only soft moans and whimpers came out of his mouth as he fidgeted on the bed, trying to find a comfortable position to lie down.
You chuckle at this, taking his waist with your free hand and pulling his body closer to you so that his ass rests on your lap and his upper half remains on the mattress.
He groans, but then relaxes, trying not to moan too loudly for fear that someone might hear you, so when he feels your fingers touch his prostate, he pulls you closer, kissing you and moaning against your lips.
He wasn't particularly tense during the act anyway, so it wasn't too uncomfortable when you entered him, although it still hurt.
"Oh, hush, hush, it's not that painful, you know?" you whisper soothingly, wiping a couple of tears from the edge of his sleepy eyes, to which he nods.
"Yes, yes... Continue please, I'll get used to it... It's all right," he smiles reassuringly, nodding weakly.
You nod, kissing his closed eyelids, which makes him smile tenderly, hugging your neck as you cover his face, shoulders, and neck in kisses, which makes him laugh at the tickle, moaning at your thrusts.
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haunted-xander · 3 months
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I think one of the (several) reason for why Shadowbringers is so good is because the narrative is more about the individual characters than it is the Greater Conflict.
Like, the Greater Conflict is definitely there, obviously, it's what keeps the story going, but the focus is always on the people, much more so than the other expacs. HW and STB also have some level of character focus ofc, but it's very selective and even then the focus is based on them in the specific context of the current conflict.
But in SHB, the story bends around the characters' narratives, rather than the other way around. The story forms to put them in situations that challenges their flaws and limitations, by forcing them to confront it and actually deal with it. Even just at the very beginning, you see the twins being dealt a terrible hand that very neatly clashes against their faults.
Alisaie is confronted with a situation that she can and could never do anything about. She has no means to help the patients (at the time at least). The only way for her to help them is by eradicating the source of the affliction itself: the Light. But the Light isn't just some Big Bad she can kill and be done with. Even when all the lightwardens are down the Light is still there, it's just more manageable. Alisaie learns to not only see the bigger picture, but to care for it for her own reasons. For all that she has participated in Big Operations, it has always been because that's what others were doing, what others cared for to be done. She feels for the people of Doma and Ala Mhigo, but she didn't set out to liberate their homelands because she has any personal investment in it. But other people do, and she cares about what other people- be they strangers or friends- care about.
Caring about other peoples feelings and opinions isn't a flaw by itself of course, but doing things without any sense of personal purpose, is. This is what SHB helps her fix and confront, because it is personal now, she does it because she cares.
Alphinaud is forced into a situation where diplomacy and negotiations does and would never work. He can't talk himself into Eulemore, and he sure as hell can't convince Vauthry or the free citizens to let go of their life of ignorant luxury. The problem here also isn't as straightforward as a corrupt ruler, because even after Vauthry is revealed for the bastard he is, it takes considerable effort and convincing to get them to get off their asses and get to work. It's one thing to change the minds of people who wanted the same outcome just in a different way (like Ishgard- they rejected unity with the dragons, but they still wanted an end to the war), but it's another thing entirely to convince people that another way of life is even worth it.
And this is what SHB teaches Alphinaud, that words and deeds can achieve much, but that there is much more to diplomacy than appealing to their wants and/or sensibilities to convince them of an alternative outcome. His development may not be as immediately noticable as some of the others (largely bc he had a lot of it already from HW), but it is still very much there.
Urianger's development had already been build up and sort-of started already, but we don't really get to see it until it near explodes in his face after we kill Vauthry. Even after he swore off secrecy, he's forced to confront his morals when the Exarch bids his assistance. Urianger has always been looking at the greater picture, to the point he'd almost lose himself in it if it wasn't for the overwhelming guilt he feels. He works with the Exarch, because he knows he's the only one capable of it, and he hates the very fact that he is. When the climax of the plan is about to be executed, he is pained to the point that even he can't mask it anymore. He has betrayed their trust once more and once more it will result in the death of a friend.
But it doesn't, and that's what's needed for him to confront himself. As terrible and unexpected as the circumstances around it was, it did show him that there are other ways. There is no one way to solve a problem, the first choice doesn't need to be the only one. And he would find those other ones of he had just talked to the others.
The pay-off doesn't quite come until EW, where we see him actively make the choice to go against his first instinct of acquiesing to the Loporrits' plans, and instead chooses to consult us, but that scene wouldn't have made sense or even happened had it not been for his development in SHB.
Now, Y'shtola is a bit of an odd one because while she does get her due focus, she doesn't quite get the same amount of development as the others. Rather, it shows how she thrives when not held back by others interests and (often somewhat needless) bounderies. Her intelligence and charisma have the chance to shine, her independence and confidence now rewarded rather than punished. In ARR, she is constantly annoyed by the Maelstroms way of dealing with things, and how no one bothers to actually listen to her. Her advice and reprimands are almost entirely ignored until the problem blows up in their faces and they have no choice but to concede that she was right.
Being independent and confident aren't flaws by themselves, but her sometimes aggressive approaches to telling others off does her few favors. In SHB, she has the Night's Blessed who actually heed her word and respect her, they listen to her and actually take what she says- be it advise or reprimand- to heart.
She does also, however, have to deal with Thancred who, much like the Maelstrom, ignores her reprimands and doesn't listen to her. The difference here is that her bluntness actually serves a purpose. In ARR, her bluntness lacks tact and meaning, simply a result of frustration. The Maelstrom won't listen to someone who doesn't come up with fleshed-out arguments and solutions, but Y'shtola doesn't bother giving them any until she knows they'll listen. But with Thancred, she does give him the solution. It's just that the solution is him. His words, to be precise, and his acceptance. And he needs to be reminded of that, and she does. It doesn't automatically solve anything, but that's simply how it is with complicated situations like that.
Speaking of Thancred, his narrative is probably the most important of all for SHB. He's always been shown as a capable, but ultimately self-destructive man who genuinely does not know how to deal with himself in a healthy manner. Theoretically speaking he knows, he recognizes that he is self-destructive, but he still has no idea how to actually fix it. It's been shown as early as ARR when it results in him getting possessed, but it's not really made a point of until it almost ruins his relationship with Ryne. Up until now he could just ignore his problems, but with Ryne he can't because now The Problem(s) aren't just his anymore. Anything that would hurt him now would also hurt her, meaning that if he wants to continue doing the one thing he actually cares about (protecting his loved ones) then he needs to get his shit together.
But Thancred doesn't know how to. And for all that his friends try and try to help him, he doesn't know how to. He's paralyzed. Thancred is so deep into his self-destructive habits that it takes the threat of both his and the person(s) he loves the most in the worlds deaths to get him into action. He doesn't know if it's Minfilia or Ryne who will return, and I'm not sure he expected to survive Ran'jit. He only has this chance, and if he wants to die without (as many) regrets he has to do something now.
And he does. He does and what it is he does is tell Ryne that whatever happens, it has to be her own choice. That he will accept any outcome, that he will still care about her no matter what, that as long as she lives or dies as she wants to, that he still loves her. He still loves her. And it works, because that's what he's needed to do all this time, to be able to just tell her that she matters. That he cares.
He tells her to live her own life, and he learns to live his own too.
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nanamistiee · 3 months
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‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ jujutsu high!suguru as your boyfriend head canons ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
✧ suguru got that mf DAWG in him. trust me. satoru and shoko would never believe it, but when you two are alone? suguru's got GAME. he's a sweet talker and he knows exactly how to compliment you and say the right things to get a flush going on your pretty lil face. he's whispering in your ear and complimenting something small like your lipstick or your eyeshadow but doubling down and telling you you're the prettiest girl he's ever seen.... let's be real he's doing this CONSTANTLY.
✧ suguru is a spontaneous yet observant lover. he loves nothing more than to sneak up on you & hug you from behind, kissing your neck, your hair, etc. he's picking you up, spinning you around -- anything. after you two get out of your classes he's 100% taking your hand and dragging you out to your favorite revolving sushi place in tokyo. or he's taking you shopping bc he noticed you needed a new pair of shoes. or he's taking you anywhere like a lil boba shop just to brighten your day. he's very in tune to your emotions and it's something he prides himself on.
✧ at the end of the day, suguru is also practically one of the girlies. he's pretty much the best boyfriend you could ever ask for because he loves gossiping as much as you and shoko do. hell, you three probably make it a habit to go out to lunch and gossip about all the weird people you guys don't like, or even shit talk how stupid gojo can be sometimes. it's all in good fun, of course. but, god, it makes a huge difference when your boyfriend can get along with all of your friends. shoko wants to get her nails done but you also want to spend time with geto? hell, he'll come too, no shame. catch him getting a pedicure gossipping the absolute hell out of your classmates.
✧ suguru is also protective of you and your feelings. of course, he's always looking out for you when you're sparring your other classmates (god forbid you ever have to fight gojo, i think he'd go absolutely insane and intervene bc gojo can be A Lot) but he's also the type of boyfriend to be pretty protective of your feelings and your reputation, too. if he's talking to satoru about you, i just know satoru's gotta make an "eewwww you guys are so lovey dovey" type comment. if satoru says anything about you, your mans is defending you. suguru is a true ride or die and he's gotta make sure everybody knows that !
✧ his love languages are definitely a healthy mix of gift giving and quality time. he loooves showing up to your study sessions with a coffee/tea for you or even a pretty bouquet of flowers to make you smile, but, god does he love just being with you. even if you're sitting in silence because you're too focused on studying, he loves just sitting across from you, watching you intently and wondering how the hell he got so lucky.
✧ he'd rather die than admit it, but, god, suguru babies the absolute hell out of you. principal tells you two to spar together? he's going so easy on you it's unreal. it's not that he doesn't doubt your abilities, but he can't mess up your pretty makeup and hair !!! you spar another student?? he's immediately running over to you and checking you out over and over again to make sure you're okay. god forbid you say smth like your ankle hurts b/c he's refusing to let you walk anywhere for the next 3-5 business days. don't even think about sneezing anywhere near this man.
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k2ntoss · 4 months
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DIRTY LITTLE SECRET
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tw ⭒ swearing, angst, couple argument, mean jason todd (he's kind of a jerk with his words but uhhhh, he's cute), jason todd x fem!reader and okayyyyyy that's everything i think and some fluff sandwiched with more angst at the end bc i can't leave this just like that
a/n ⭒ song based fanfics are my weakness, i'm so sorry i just can't stop listening to certain songs just to write something related - the all-merican rejects, dirty little secret here okayyyy
i stopped counting words, sorry lmao
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jason has been a nice boyfriend, so long he has never raised his voice or got angry when there was a little problem, he has taken you out on a few nice dates but there was something off.
you knew basically nothing about his surroundings, not his family nor his friends, probably seen once any of his close class mates and before you could go to say hi he was next to you, it was almost as if he didn't wanted you near them but you tried to push it away. for over three months.
you've had enough of pretty much all of that situation, dating jason for almost a year, going on one or two dates every two months and just getting texts from him, probably a short movie night if he had any time for you and it was making you feel so little and less for him, what was the problem with taking you with his family? or asking you to hang out with his friends? because he made some time to spend a few hours with them, drink something and have fun but there wasn't place for you with them, with him.
"jay... do you think we can go to the movies this weekend?" you ask him, sitting on one of the stools you had around your living room when he was spending some of his spare time with you "there is this new movie..." you trail off, trying to get his attention.
"don't think we can do that, doll, already made plans" he looks at your for a couple of seconds with a small frown and you're thinking that maybe you are the problem, maybe you're not enough for jason and he knows it, he's nice with you and the way he looks at you, how he brushes your hair when he walks next to you before sitting on your couch.
"you going out with your friends?" you ask softly, receiving a nod and a soft hum from him "maybe i could join you, i don't know your friends..." your voice is still low, calm but there's a clear intention on it and as soon as you present the idea jason scoffs.
there something in the way he does it that makes you feel like a spark ignited inside of your chest, between a bolt of anger and a sharp pain, what was that supposed to mean?
"you don't wanna know them, trust me, princess" jason trails off, almost lying on your couch as he looked at his phone "not your kind of people..." he whispers and it makes you near explode.
"what is that supposed to mean, jason?" there's an edge to your voice that makes him sit straight, he looks at you and places his hands on his lap "it means exactly what i said, my friends are not your kind of people, why?" he shrugs, as if it wasn't that much of a big deal.
"and what is my kind of people exactly? not so interesting? not as good as you?" you start, the light in your eyes replaced by something else and jason noticed it "is your family also like that? not the kind of people i am around?"
"exactly that" he says, simply and blunt, he looks at you unamused as he crosses his arms over his chest and leans back "not your kind of people either, now stop the tantrum, okay?" and for a second you are speechless because he has never said something like that.
"why can't i meet your family? it's been almost a year, do they at least know you are dating someone?" you ask, not letting go of it just like that makes him sigh in frustration.
"why would they have to know? i don't see your point, y/n." and as soon as the pet names stop you know that he's not happy talking about this "i haven't told anyone, okay? and i don't plan on doing it, i have my reasons."
"maybe they have to know because i'm your damn girlfriend" your town grows a bit louder, not longer sitting on the stool you walk until you're in front of jason "maybe they have to know because what the hell have you've been doing the days you spend here instead of with them?" the way jason looks at you isn't helping, his eyes are fixed on the ceiling and his lips are pressed on a fine line.
"i don't want to tell them, okay? i can't see a damn issue besides you wanting everyone to know i have a girlfriend and that's not a big deal" he trails off, his hand moving in a motion that made your mood go worse.
"it is a fucking big deal, jason!" when you snap at him he turns to look at you, eyebrows raised in surprise bit it quickly changes to a expression of pure tiredness "we barely have a date every full moon, you text me whenever you remember i exist and your friends don't even know i'm your girlfriend" you number with your fingers, your voice shaky because your emotions taking over were too much.
"i do what i can, i don't have that much free days to waste my time here!" he snaps back and his words hit hard but that's just the start "i still can't get why you have to make a fuzz out of it, it's enough with both of us knowing we're dating"
"wasting your time, fine" you mutter before turning around, back facing him as you walk to your room and you can make the sound of his steps following you "it's so fucking funny because no one knows i'm your girlfriend so you get a lot of girls flirting with you and i have to deal with it but as soon as any of my friends gets too touchy with me at the campus you're calling me" and it's true, jason can't stand seeing other people so close to you and so freely because that's something he can't do and he does had his reasons.
"are you really gonna make a problem out of this?" he asks, it's like he isn't able to wrap his mind around of it, how much you wanted everyone to know that someone like him laid his eyes on you, that he liked you from all of the girls it was you "you're the only one that needs to know"
"but at least give me a goddamn reason for me to be a stupid secret, jason" you are almost crying, voice struggled and eyes burning from how much you wish things were at least a little different "is it so bad it's me who you're dating? am i not enough?" your words hurt, not just you but also him because he would love to show you off but his life won't allow it.
he won't risk you to get too deep into his shit, it's enough you deal with his presence and his absence too.
"that's not a game you would like to play, you'll find out shit you don't wanna know" he warns you, jason's voice is now stern and his eyes are no longer soft, he stands towering over you as he seems to be holding back his tongue "i can't tell anyone and you don't even try because that would be so dumb of you" he sounds absolutely mad and he is, but with himself.
jason hates this, he knows that maybe he's breaking your heart and he despises his whole being for that. he loves you and that's why he can't drag you into his world, all the pain and worry it would bring to you would be a burden you don't deserve when you're the only one who brings something nice into his days.
"you're still not giving me one single reason, i don't even know if you're ashamed or what the hell is going on" your voice breaks and he sees the tears pooling on your lashes, he wants to hold you and tell you how much he loves you but maybe he has to break you a little to keep you safe.
"i don't fucking want them to know about you, that's all! is it so hard to wrap your head around it? do i need to spell it out for you like a fucking child?" he's yelling in a way that draws your tears away, wet trails on your cheeks "it's stupid, you know? i'm wasting my fucking time here when i could be doing something else"
you see him passing his hands through his hair, desperate and frustrated "i thought this would be different but you had to decide to get on my nerves and be a pain in the ass, is this what you expect me to take with my family? a brat like you that can't take a no for an answer?"
he is cursing his name in his head, he sees how your heart shatters into pieces and the way your hands fall flat on your sides, tears falling silently through your cheeks.
"do i need to get you a damn banner to announce it? take you out so you can scream it out loud? you've got to be joking" he scoffs, jason outs a show for you. a show of breaking your heart, making you feel so stupid for expecting to be important enough for him.
"get out" your words tremble and he stops to look at you, there's a brief glimpse of regret on his eyes but it vanishes in a second. "i don't want you here, get out of my place" you point every word, crying but still angry at him. the sharp pain in your chest is making it hard to breath and it shows on the gasps you let out as he walks out of the room.
"i hope that later tonight you regret everything you've said" he hears you, his chest aching because he wants so bad to erase each word he said.
"i regret a lot of things, y/n" he says harshly, looking at you intently before he leaves. just like that you're left alone in your apartment, crying and letting yourself fall onto the floor.
night falls like that, rain pouring heavily and it muffles your sobs while you lie on your couch, hugging a pillow and hiding your face because you've been crying without rest since jason left. the headache you feel is killing you but there's no will to get up to take a pill.
on the other hand, jason drives around the city. he has been around your block a few times wondering if he should go back and hold you but he shrugs and leaves, you said you didn't wanted him there so it would have done things worse. jason also looks at his phone, thinking about calling or texting you but he decides is better if he doesn't.
until he stops thinking or at least he thinks he did, he stands outside your door with his copy of the keys on his hand and it's too late when he snaps back into reality because he's already on the doorway. it's almost midnight and the lights are all off, not even the tv is on but he listens clearly to your soft sobs and the sounds of you shifting on your place.
"i told you i didn't wanted you here" you croack, voice hoarse and raspy from how much you've been crying your lungs out. his heart breaks when he turns on the lights and sees your red eyes, puffy and still teary.
"i know... but i couldn't leave you like that" there was the jason todd you knew, his voice was soft and there was a tenderness to his eyes that always made you sigh "i said a lot of shit today and you have no idea how much i hate myself for it" he starts before walking towards you.
he shakes his head when you try to sit on the couch, making you stay still as he lets his body fall sit on the floor and reaches a hand to brush a few strands of messy hair out of your face, he sighs when you pull away refusing his touch.
"i don't wanna know, jason" he wants to kiss your forehead when you snuggle yourself a little more against the pillow but he knows it's not the right moment for it. not when he was losing you.
"but i need to tell you... there are a lot of things about me that you don't know and you are different from my family and friends, baby" his hand finds a way to ylur cheek, cupping it gently as he wipes away a few tears "and that's not bad because you're better than any of them, you're better than me anf right now i'm so damn sure i don't really deserve someone like you" his words are full of meaning, that you can feel it because jason has clear eyes for you, green pretty eyes that had always allowed you to stare into his soul to let you understand his feelings.
"i could never be ashamed to show you off but you have to understand i'm not a good person and letting anyone know how much you mean to me... i can't risk losing the only good thing i have" and it makes you feel weird, part of your brain tells you to kick him out because his words are not real.
but your heart is beating fast, the way jason looks at you and his voice feeling like a warm embrace that keeps you safe from the hard world, there's no pain when he's next to you "i don't know what you're talking about, jason, this just doesn't feel right"
"i've let you into my life, everything i am is an open book for you because i trust you" trying to calm down your words sound a bit more steady, not so broken when you look up at jason "because i love you and i want to share with you everything that i am, is it that i'm asking for too much?"
"that's not– you're not asking for too much, princess... you deserve the world laid at your feet but it's hard for me to let you into a world that you probably won't like" he says, looking away from you as if he felt shame about who he was "what if i let you in and you can't love who i really am?" his eyes bore into yours again, you can see the pain and fear on them.
jason can't stand thinking about losing another loved one because of his life.
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