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specialbrewbutterbeer · 2 years

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RECALL | Pt.2 (Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x Reader)

Word Count: 3033

TW: fighting, swearing, a touch of angst

AN: So, it's finally here! I hope you enjoy it and aren't too mad that it's taken so long! I'm on track for two more parts now I've decided what I'm doing with this!

Enjoy! (As always feed back is invaluable and I love hearing what you think of what I write so please do let me know!)

PART ONE -> PART THREE

REQUESTS (OPEN)

MASTERLIST

Sitting at the back of the Top Gun sessions was fascinating. (Y/n) loved it.

She had always loved observing the adrenaline and testosterone fueled bouts between the pilots, how some of them grew out of it and some of them thrived on it. She liked watching them learn to support eachother, the cocky excuses and reasoning they'd give for their stupid mistakes, even the frustration when things didn't go right.

And today- nothing was going right.

Nobody was even remotely able to execute the mission trial. Not one.

It was becoming what seemed an impossible task.

(Y/n) leant back in her chair, twisting her pen between her fingers and feeling the buttery leather of her notebook cover under her fingertips as she balanced it open in the other hand.

She looked down at her notes and read them, bringing the pen to her lips and leaving it there before crossing her legs one over the other. She sighed.

This had been a good idea in theory. All these top pilots back here, but what makes the best of the best? Fucking assholes make the best of the best.

This made her job difficult. But she had expected it.

She scanned over her notes for a second, tuning out the conversation in the room.

'Seresin - Cocky, uncooperative, fast, rightfully confident but inconsiderate, unreliable for his classmates, very reliable for his superiors, provocative, consistent.

Floyd - Intelligent, unassertive, keen observation skills, overtly polite, quick witted, sharp, sticks to rules to a T, blends in, needs to stick up for himself more but probably needs more support from peers to achieve the confidence required.

Bradshaw - Secure, talented, highly motivated and passionate, easily distracted and emotionally driven at times-'

She looked up at the pilot, and fought the childish urge to write 'cute' alongside all of her other professional crap.

She quickly pushed that from her mind and thought back to what she knew about Bradshaw.

He had a generally clean record, nothing about him stood out as a troublemaker, even days after he seemed the perfect student, aside from his clear distain for his instructor, he listened to his peers, encouraged them, he was largely attentive to feedback- though he denied that cautious flying was becoming a clear flaw- and he was well motivated to further himself and the mission.

And his past- she'd looked into it- she had to, it was her job and if one of her pilots needed support, she had to provide it. And to provide the right kind, she had to know.

He was very young when his father died, a teenager when his mother died, his father and Maverick flew together- a picture began to emerge- resentment for his father's death? Maybe, but more importantly, he'd applied to the academy at 18. That application hadn't got through. She'd had to do more digging than she would have liked to to find out why, but she had. They'd been pulled by Maverick. That was interesting to her.

That was more likely where the resentment stemmed from. There were photographs of them at memorial services together, Top Gun reunions- all the way up until he should have been the academy.

She had stopped listening for a while as she thought, but now shifted in her chair and sighed quietly as she looked up, just in time to see chaos unfold before her.

She stood, just having caught the last few words exchanged between Hangman and Rooster before the latter had lunged for the former.

Maverick had a sort of panic in his eye, one that she guessed wasn't like him- and Hangman was deeply nonchalant. Meanwhile, Rooster was being held back by his peers, who were this close to being unable to contain the man now brimming with untapped aggression and twitching.

"He's not cut out for this mission. You know it. You know I'm right." Hangman spoke as he crossed the room and left, the Captain dismissing the group.

Slowly the room cooled, as (Y/n) mulled over how to deal with what was becoming a rapidly escalating situation amongst the class.

She stood out at the edge of the tarmac, just under the canopy of the hangar. She looked out as the students walked across to the main building. How the days passed this quick, she didn't know, yellow sun already beating down orange and heat haze dissipating from the runway slowly. This project had so much pressure on it, she knew well- she'd always been in close correspondence with Admiral Kazansky. TOP GUN was like his child, he needed to know everything about each of his pilots, if they, or an instructor, especially one he had recommended for the job, failed, he took it as a personal slight, his own failure. Through her, emails upon emails, secure fax and couriered files that got from her desk to his in less than an hour, he kept tabs.

When he was healthier and still worked from the base, she had weekly meetings with him to run down all the details of the TOP GUN class of the moment.

But this one was new, it meant even more. TOP GUN was more than just a fighter training school with these pilots, this class was procured for a specific and time sensitive mission. They were being trained for something that no other class was ever needed for, that might be impossible. And she had to keep it on track. She had to put away distractions, keep that pressure on all of these pilots, the staff too- though she knew that they all knew as well as she did.

Never before had it felt more poignant, the role she played in all this.

"Captain-" she spoke, turning back into the room where Maverick sat, staring up at the mission details on the screen.

He looked to her. He knew what she was going to say.

"Whatever is between you and Lieutenant Bradshaw, is bad enough, without it spilling over to the rest of the team and being used as a competitive foothold. That's how people get hurt, killed." She spoke quietly. He knew that already, she knew he knew but it was her job to say these things out loud.

"I'd suggest you get these aviators working as a team, remind them that this isn't like the first time they were here. There won't be any winners. I'm not handing out prizes, especially not to families if they don't make it back because they couldn't get it together in time to fly this mission successfully." She was frustrated, and worried, flipping her pen in her hand.

"I know, Ma'am." Captain Mitchell nodded solemnly, looking back to the screen, bringing his clasped hands to his chin, and leaning, hunched, on them.

"I know you do, Captain." She sighed and stood for a few more moments before retreating back across the tarmac.

She headed to the locker room, and walked in. Steam was emerging already from the showers at the back of the room as she leant back on the tiled wall, pulling her folder of files into her chest. On one side she was flanked by a bank of lockers, and the other was the gap in the partition that lead back to the showers. In front of her, the slatted benches which bags and people were perched on. It was quiet, light chatter rumbled around the room, subtle echoes of these voices bounced off of the tiles, but it wasn't the usual boisterousness that this room was used to.

She just sort of stood there, and most of the pilots, who were all used to communal setting, just went about their prep to head home for the evening, if a little on edge, waiting for someone to be pulled up by her.

Even Lt. Seresin was pretty quiet. He kept his demeanor of a cocky and arrogant ass, but he wasn't stupid enough to push it even further than he already had.

"Evenin' Sugar." He spoke as he passed by her, one of the few comfortable enough to use her callsign. His accent seemed to suit the epithet more than most, but it might have just been his cocksure attitude. He didn't look back as he stood by his locker, and she just nodded to him as he passed.

This was the only interaction she had with any of them as she stood there. She just wanted to be amongst them, see if there was any reaction to what had happened, or none. She had little to say as she simply observed.

Seresin got plenty of dirty looks, rolling eyes and dismissive looks, whilst Bradshaw was nowhere to be seen. His things were stacked neatly by his locker.

"Goodnight Ma'am" Lt. Trace spoke with a bright smile, looking back as she followed Floyd and Garcia out the door.

"Goodnight." (Y/n) nodded back, they were the last to leave. Last but one.

She could hear the shower still running in the room behind her. She could feel the steam still in the air.

She was always dealing with the wake and aftermath of things, along side the preparations. It could be satisfying, and frustrating and disheartening; all in equal measure.

She slowly moved around the corner, lingered on the threshold of the partition wall.

"Lieutenant?" She spoke, softly, into the room.

She heard a sigh, the creak of the water spigot being turned off.

She watched as a towel slipped off of the top of the wall of the cubicle and moments later, the young, rather exposed, pilot, emerge.

"Ma'am?" He jilted his head slightly as he answered. He seemed apprehensive, slightly tense, his eyes flickered as they fixed on a point.

"Are you alright?" (Y/n) continued, undeterred by his state.

He paused, and she waited for a reply, leaning once again back against the wall, her hands clasped tightly on the folders, behind her back.

"Lieutenant-" She began, but was cut off.

"Yes." He spoke quickly, firmly. "Yes, Ma'am."

She couldn't help but have her heart be tugged at by the sight of him, a few strands of hair dripping water down his face, which was stern and cold in it's expression. What Hangman had said had hit a nerve, exactly like he'd meant it to, but she didn't like that. She wasn't going to pull him up on what he'd said, because he knew not to push it so far- but the reaction he'd gotten from his rival probably was even more visceral than he'd expected. He wanted to rile him up, and to be honest, Bradshaw needed riled up if he was going to play any part in this mission going well. If he did it again, then she'd have to tell him to knock it off, but she knew how these guys worked, Seresin was playing along and testing the waters of how far he could go- how he could push everyone's buttons best.

But still, she had to know that Bradley was okay, or if all this really was affecting him enough to have to recommend he be pulled out of RECALL.

She understood what had been said, it wasn't kind, and clearly he was still mulling on some part of it.

Water sat on the man's tanned skin, ran over his muscular body. Any usual moment and she'd be distracted by it, but she was a professional and instead distracted by the emotive elements of her duties.

"I won't force you to tell me anything. But being evasive about it doesn't help either of us." She spoke, her eyebrows forming a soft expression on her face and her lips turning down just a touch.

"What he said, was out of line, Ma'am." Bradshaw spoke.

"I agree." She concured, nodded and breathed in deeply.

"I've worked with him before. I know he likes to push people's buttons, I shouldn't have let it get to me, Ma'am. I won't repeat the mistake, Ma'am." He spoke, in his usual stern and serious tone for superiors. She wished he wouldn't. It was another way of avoiding her and what she inevitably would force him to face.

"I'm sure you won't. But that's not what I want to talk about. I probably would have tried to knock his head off too, if he'd said the kind of things he did to you, to me." She shifted her weight to her other leg, crossed her ankles over eachother and tilted her head. "I know you'd rather not, but I urge you to let me know what's going on. Because whatever's pent up between you and Capitain Mitchell, will continue to be used by your peers to better you and that's a disservice to yourself and your skill, Lieutenant." She spoke smoothly, with utter calm. She matched his evasive formality with her bluntness. She was determined to get something out of him that she might gauge him from.

"My father was a good man, Ma'am." He spoke, still stern. "He trusted Maverick." He continued, building a tone of frustration. "You know how that ended, and considering, do you really think he should have?" He twitched slightly as he asked that, his voice maybe slightly louder than it should have been. He paused before he remembered his formality considering who he was talking to. "Ma'am."

"That's not why you don't speak." She looked at him, his solid stare, over her head. He was good at being a military man, it didn't seem he was very used to being much else.

"He's selfish, reckless and dangerous." Bradshaw reaffirmed his stance.

"He held you back." She replied quickly.

"He held me back." He repeated with a nod and finally looked her in the eye. He spoke that back to her with an unwavering inference that that was exactly the point. Good. She'd pushed him to the right spot. His tone was angry now, for sure.

"You're here anyway." She nodded, after a short pause.

"Despite him." Bradshaw bit back.

"Then you won." A small smile turned at the corner of her lips. He didn't seem to entirely appreciate the sentiment of what she was telling him.

"I lost four years." He argued, trying to justify himself. Now his chest was heaving up and down, his jaw tense and he was otherwise stock still.

"And still you're one of the top twelve pilots in the Navy. Handpicked." She nodded again.

"Yeah. And I'll do whatever I'm asked. That's my job. Mitchell doesn't matter." He calmed himself, tried to reassume the evasive stance he'd started with before she had provoked him into something more emotive than that.

"Yes he does." She replied quickly as he revoked the eye contact he had earlier initiated.

"Hangman is just a jerk, he's always been that way. It won't happen again. You can take that as a promise, Ma'am." He seemed to have entirely returned to his battle stations behind the rather large brick wall he'd been building.

"Don't avoid my questions." She suddenly spoke with alarming ferocity, startling him. He looked back to her, his body tensed in a different, less disciplined way. "And don't look at me like you aren't."

"I-" Bradshaw tried to make it right but she cut in.

"I know. I said I won't force you to tell. But I suggest you decide if you're angry or not. Stop letting people fuck with you." (Y/n) spoke with a sudden seriousness.

"You make it sound like I'm in denial." He said quietly but seriously.

"Are you angry?" She asked, after a beat, cocking an eyebrow.

"With Maverick? Yes, Ma'am." He just looked at her for a moment before replying.

"Maybe you should be." She replied, a little cocky.

"You're the one fucking with me." He spoke, displeased, his tone returning to anger for just a moment.

"Yeah." She once again replied quickly and then paused and shook her head. "It's not for fun. You just gotta understand, that- Well that this ain't gonna work if you're walking around with a chip on your shoulder. I'm not forcing you to make it up with him, or ignore Seresin; Hell- tell him he's got one less ball than Hitler and a goat for a mother for all I care. Just, don't let it get under your skin. If that's the way you wanna play it, it'll all be over soon enough and you won't have to deal with either of them; or me, again." She calmed and returned to her smooth and knowing tones, drifted from her authoritative, disciplinarian ones.

He looked back to his spot on the wall, straightened up and spoke.

"It's not you I don't like dealing with."

She was slightly taken aback by that comment, wasn't entirely sure what he meant by it. He wasn't that kind of pilot. Or if he were, he was good at keeping that on the down low.

It was her turn to ignore a comment.

"You understand what I mean? Don't you? About how this whole situation makes it easy for competition to worm out all your vulnerable spots?" She spoke, now much softer, and with a sigh. She tilted her head and stepped forward a little, her expression soft and she chewed her lip, looking for some reaction on his face. She often thought she cared too much about these guys, but it was her job.

"Yes Ma'am." He spoke softly, the words were his normal good Lieutenant role, but the way he said them was different. She hoped it meant she might have broken through a little.

"I don't wanna see this fail." She spoke as she stepped back toward the door. She turned from him and began to walk away. She stopped, breathed in deeply and looked back, half turned. He was relaxed for a second, he'd pulled his hand through his wet hair and still the water was dripping down him and dissapating steam backgrounded the image. He breathed deeply, like he'd been so tense he'd not been breathing fully. His eyes were closed until she spoke again. She spoke one last line before retreating from the room for good.

"I don't want to see you fail, Bradley."

TAGLIST -----------------

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originallandlockedmariner · 3 months

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This is for me.

I need to remind myself that we all wander off the path. It’s ok. Just be aware and get back on it.

I wrote this awhile ago. Time to read it again...

“M.A.K.E. your goals a reality this year."

Usually by the 3rd or 4th week of January the gym crowd thins, the desire to adhere to resolutions made wanes and, for a good many of us, the wheels completely fall off. Staying accountable is vital to growth, to progress and, if nothing else, the secret to any amount of success. Whether you use vision boards, journals, tape quotes to your bathroom mirror, or post ‘before’ pictures on your Socials, staying focused is key. Personally, I struggle to remember anything past 4 or 5 ‘rules’, welcome to being 50+ I guess, so the acronym M.A.K.E. is a simple way to help hold myself accountable to my goals.

M is for Mindset. For any progress to happen, you first need to get your head right. Know why you’re doing this not just the ‘what and how’ of it. If you don't have a concrete reason, then you probably won't stick to it since it's not that important to you, and when the going gets tough, you'll likely quit. Why invest and make sacrifices for something that you don't see a lot of value in?

A is for Accountability partner. Having someone in your corner, someone to remind you to stay on track, or workout with, do food prep with, discuss disappointments and triumphs with, makes it feel like you aren’t wallowing alone. The key is finding someone reliable and truly committed, besides - guilt goes a long way. No one really succeeds by themselves. This can include mutuals online as well, especially anyone on the same journey as you.

K stands for Knowledge. Knowing more about your personal goals will help strengthen your "why". By reading blogs, books, watching documentaries, and talking to your friends and/or experts that care just as much about being healthy as you do, enables you to gather insight. You slowly learn to make a conscious effort to better your life.

And E, Evaluate. Take stock of what works for you, the improvements you’ve made, the setbacks, listen to your body, assess workouts and your diet. Record all of it. Revisit it and change accordingly. Alter anything that isn’t help you move forward. Be trenchantly honest with yourself. If bad habits are interfering with your goals, then only you can do something about it.

So here’s to a wonderful adventurous goal-crushing journey !!

#me #my words #this is 50 #mindset

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yoursleepingbaby · 1 year

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The Why Behind the Cry

Why do Babies Cry?

Babies cry for a variety of reasons. They may be tired, hungry, wet, overstimulated, overtired, too warm or too cold. The American Academy of Pediatrics tells us that “all babies cry, often without any apparent cause”. The AAP recognizes crying as a normal part of baby’s day. Did you know that it is normal for newborns to cry for 1–4 hours per day? Yikes! That’s a lot of crying!

The problem with a crying baby (especially if it’s your first) is that it creates such a strong emotional response in us when our babies cry that our natural instinct is to make all crying STOP! IMMEDIATELY!

And while instinct and intuition certainly have their place in caring for your baby, it can’t be the ONLY tool in your toolbox. Why you ask? Because it’s simply not reliable. Using your emotion, intuition, and feelings as the ONLY way to discern what your baby needs will leave you frustrated, exhausted, and confused.

The problem is this…. If we don’t pause to assess the why behind the cry, we just react rather than determining what our baby actually NEEDS, or IF in fact, they need anything at all. Because yes, sometimes babies just NEED to get their cries out! And a parent that is constantly stopping that from happening is stifling a baby’s need to get that energy out so they can get to a place of calm.

Letting Baby Get Their Cries Out

This is a phrase that I use all the time when I’m working with families. If you understand the why behind the cry you can then determine if all your baby really needs is to get their cries out! Because if this is all your baby needs it will work like magic.

Two times when this works really well is when a baby is just fussy and all their needs are met or before sleep times. Letting your baby take 2–5 minutes to get their cries out can work like magic if your baby’s fussiness has no other root cause other than simply needing to release some energy. Once your baby has been given the opportunity to get their energy out you will be left with a calm baby awake or a baby that has peacefully gone to sleep. Either way, we now have a baby that feels calm and relaxed instead of fussy and agitated.

If you’ve never tried this before, give it a try and see what happens…

The other problem that moms have to contend with right now, as you may have noticed on social media, there is a TON of fear-mongering around crying. There are platforms that would have you believe that if your baby cries at all you are being an unresponsive parent and your child will end up in counseling when they’re 30!

The truth is, If our children were this fragile we would all be in BIG trouble! Don’t buy into it. It will keep you stuck in a place of fear and many times extreme sleep deprivation for months or years.

If you want to use good decision-making principles as you’re caring for your baby or raising your kids in general then educating yourself about why babies cry and learning to PAUSE so you can understand the why behind the cry is important. And remember there is absolutely no science behind this “unresponsive parent” narrative. Keep in mind fear is never a good place to make decisions from.

My best advice is to educate yourself. I’m a firm believer that knowledge is power. If you’re listening to someone that is causing you to be fearful, anxious or stuck in survival mode, that is a sign that you need to stop following them and bring people into your circle that empower you through education and experience and a proven track record.

Using our natural instinct to parent in a conscious, clear headed way.

The truth is, most moms will naturally gravitate to feeding their baby if they’re crying, especially a breastfeeding mama. Because a first time mom who is breastfeeding is ALWAYS second guessing if her baby got enough to eat. It’s definitely one of the things about breastfeeding that can make it hard. (especially in the early days of feeding). So her natural inclination is to “feed again”. This quickly becomes an issue as feeding becomes the only way that baby can be comforted and the breast or bottle becomes the sole means to offer comfort. Mom never really learns other soothing tools and therefore stays stuck in a reactive state every time her baby cries.

I get many of these families who come to me months down the road with a baby who has never been allowed to cry for more than 10 seconds. In the long-term, this creates a baby who doesn’t sleep well (because they haven’t been allowed to settle themselves or get their cries out) and who typically goes from 0–60 in 5 seconds flat because they have never been allowed to fuss or cry for even a few minutes. It feels completely foreign to them. This generally creates a high-maintenance baby and becomes unsustainable for mom over time.

The answer to this is to simply change the mindset around crying and stop looking at all crying as bad or good and start looking at crying as simply something that is neutral. Something that all babies do and to start assessing the why behind the cry rather than just reacting.

One of the common mistakes many moms make is thinking their baby is hungry when in reality their baby is tired, overstimulated or just fussy.

What if I told you that establishing a routine would help you to determine what your baby actually NEEDS and help you to meet that need in a timely manner? While that might sound crazy if you’ve never tried it, I can promise you it works!

Here’s why:

When you have a framework to work within and you understand the basics of newborn eating and sleeping routines as well as have an understanding of ALL the myriad of reasons that newborns cry, you can begin to logically think through your baby’s day and accurately assess his needs.

If you’re focusing on making sure your baby gets full feeds, then if your baby starts to get fussy 30–60 min after the feed you’re going to be able to rule out that your baby is hungry. If you understand your baby’s wake window then you’re going to understand that it’s time for your baby to go to sleep. You won’t be left wondering WHY your baby is fussy. You will assess by watching your baby, using the clock as a guide, and know exactly what you need to do. Which is… swaddle your baby and get them down for their nap. Then when your baby wakes 1 ½–2 hours later crying you will then KNOW that it’s time to feed your baby. Your baby is awake and crying because they are now hungry.

Here’s another example: Let’s say it’s 4:00 with your 4 week old baby. You know that at 5:00 your baby is going to get fussy because most newborns have a “witching hour” that can last 2–3 hours some days. Your baby has had a full feed at 4:00 and by 5:00 your baby is fussy. While you know it’s time for a nap, your baby won’t go down on their own. It’s the end of the day and your baby’s tolerance for light and noise is at an all time low. So as soon as you’re done feeding you’re going to prepare for this time of day by shutting off all lights and screens in your home. You may take your baby into the nursery and swaddle him and turn on the white noise. (here’s another white noise favorite). You know that reducing all stimulation and creating white noise helps immensely with the witching hour. So you prepare beforehand.

Now does this mean that you wont feed a baby that’s super fussy when nothing else is working? Of course not. Nursing is immensely comforting and releases all kinds of calming/bonding hormones in both mom and baby. So yes, adding in an extra feed during this time may very well be ONE of the tools in your tool box but it’s not the ONLY tool.

And that my friend makes a HUGE difference.

Having a variety of tools in your toolbox is a game changer. A mom that offers the breast or bottle as the ONLY mechanism to soothe her baby is not being a better mom than one who accesses first and then responds. The mom who accesses FIRST is NOT being unresponsive.

The problem is, most moms aren’t given the tools they need to access first. They are left to figure things out on their own, and that my friend, is a mistake! A mistake that can cause you to live for months on end, floundering your way through the fourth trimester and well past that into months 4,5,6 and beyond.

This is why hiring a sleep expert BEFORE you bring home your newborn is one of the best investments you can make for your family. Not only will you have me to guide you down a path that you’ve never traveled before, you will have me by your side to answer the myriad of questions that come along with bringing home a new baby.

There is nothing that will give you more confidence as a parent than when you can confidently read your baby’s cry and respond accordingly. The reality is, it is normal and healthy for babies to cry and once we learn to assess and then act, only then will we be able to begin to discern the “why behind the cry”.

I hope this has you feeling a little more empowered and comfortable with PAUSING instead of just reacting when your baby cries, to truly be able to assess what your baby needs. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or if none of this makes sense because you just don’t understand your newborn at all, please reach out for help! I can give you some guidelines as to what is normal and what is not. I can give you a general time frame of what to expect so you can begin to gain some understanding behind all things in the fourth trimester.

How to Ease Separation Anxiety What is an Extinction Burst and Ways to Cope Toddlers and Sleep Boundaries

#baby sleeping counsultation #baby sleeping options #baby sleeping expert #baby sleeping routine #baby sleep consultant

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kudzushadow · 3 years

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There for You | Part 1 of 3 | A Harlivy Fanfiction

Summary: After Harley finds Ivy in tears on the floor of the bathroom, realization dawns on her about how hard the past year had been on Ivy, from literally dying (1x12) to mind control. (2x12) They have a heartfelt conversation about the events leading up to the moment, and learn that sometimes it's ok to confide in the ones you care for. (Based on the scene from Eat Bang! Kill Tour: Issue #1)

Hurt/Comfort | TW: Past trauma mentions, slight hints of past abuse. | Spoilers for Harley Quinn: The Animated Series & Eat Bang! Kill Tour: Issue #1

See bottom for extra notes!

"...Ive?" Harley's eyes widened as she rounded a corner and was greeted with a sight that made her heart ache.

Ivy sat on the bathroom floor, head buried in her hands as her whole body shook with sobs.

Harley was immediately kneeling by her side, arms wrapping protectively around her girlfriend without a second of hesitation. "Shh. It's alright, Ive. Everything's going to be ok…" Ivy had been acting strange since the wedding, but she hadn't been willing to open up to Harley. Now Harley was beyond worried, it was clearly more serious than the redhead had been letting on.

Ivy immediately relaxed into the blonde, tucking her face into Harley's chest. Eventually her sobs quieted down, but Harley could feel her trembling as she held her. While she tried to figure out what to say, she rubbed Ivy’s back comfortingly.

After a couple moments of silence, after holding Ivy, feeling her tremble, listening to her uneven breathing… seeing her tear stained cheeks… realization began to dawn on Harley. God, she was so stupid and oblivious! She’d been so focused on her own feelings, she hadn’t even begun to consider Ivy’s… and how hard it must’ve been, being stuck in the middle of everything.

“Ivy… I'm sorry. I’m so sorry… I’ve been so caught up in my own feelings, I hadn’t given any thought to how heavy all of this must weigh on you…” She brushed a strand of hair from Ivy’s face before continuing. “You’ve been through so much this past year, and I’ve been a pretty shitty friend. I should’ve been there for you, I should’ve helped you, should’ve protected you… and if I could go back in time and do it all differently, I would. A thousand times over.”

“...but I can’t, and that’s something I’ll regret as long as I live. Yet you’ve always been there for me, even when I created huge messes… when I joined the Legion of Doom, when I went back to Joker, when I released an army of parademons, when the Injustice League froze me… god, that last one sucked. Yet you rescued me. You always rescue me, Ive. Always help me. Always take care of me, even though I’m not sure I deserve it most of the time…” Harley looked away, shutting her eyes for a moment before forcing herself to continue. “...Ivy, you don’t have to pretend to be strong in front of me. You’re hurting… and that’s ok. We all hurt sometimes, but that doesn’t make us weak… or… or less human. I’m here now though. I want to share that burden with you, if you’ll let me.” Harley looked back at Ivy, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “I love you, Ive. I love you so much… and if you ever… yknow, want to talk about… well, anything at all, really… I just want you to know I’m here.”

Ivy turned her head away, and the next few minutes passed slowly in silence. Harley held Ivy, didn’t once let go, but with each passing second she became increasingly worried she’d done something wrong. Was it something she’d said? Oh god, had she made it worse?

“Ive, I didn’t mean-”

“Harley.” Ivy pulled away slightly, raising her head so she could meet Harley’s wide blue eyes. “I-” She paused, choking back a sob. “I hurt you, I hurt Chuck… I hurt so many people… all because I didn’t know what I wanted then… and to be honest, I’m not sure what I want now, either…”

Harley’s heart dropped, and she opened her mouth to respond before Ivy cut her off.

“-...but Harley… so much has happened. You’ve made mistakes, I’ve made mistakes… and you’re trying to change… that’s good, and I’m proud of you… but you're right, we can’t change the past, no matter how hard we try.” Ivy shut her eyes, letting out a shaky exhale before continuing. “Opening up… relationships… hell, just being around other people is… is hard for me… but you showed me the good in humanity. That not all humans are… are monsters. My life before I met you… was… lonely. Even with all my plants, I had nobody to talk to. Nobody to confide in… but I liked it that way. It was safe. Nobody was going to judge me, or… or abandon me... and I guess that’s why I… why I chose Chuck… because he was the safer option.”

I trust you, with my life… but I don’t trust you with my heart.

Harley winced inwardly, but she understood where Ivy was coming from. Harley definitely didn’t have the best track record with… well, anything really.

So I… I’m marrying Kiteman.

“I was… I was scared. Scared that if I… if I went with what my heart was telling me, it was just going to get broken… and after everything, I just… I couldn’t stand the idea of that happening. Of losing you again…” Ivy trailed off, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

You were my one friend, and I asked you for one favor, but instead you ditched me for the Joker, who treats you like shit!

“Ivy… I had no idea you felt that way.” Harley spoke softly, using her free hand to lift Ivy’s chin so she could look into those beautiful green eyes… eyes whose depths she often found herself lost in. “I… didn’t know what I really wanted then. It was like… like I was trying to fill a hole inside me… like part of me was missing… and then, that night at the pit…” She smiled, using her thumb to brush a tear from Ivy’s cheek. “That was one of the most amazing nights of my life. I hadn’t realized… I hadn’t realized what it felt like to have someone else care about you. To have someone love you. Joker definitely never cared about me… not in the way you do… and... y'know, maybe I didn’t deserve it. Like I said, I haven’t always been the most reliable… but that changes today… if you’ll give me a shot, that is…”

Ivy looked up at Harley as she brushed the tear away, and smiled sadly. “...You’re trying to change… and that’s what matters. Harls, I do love you. A lot…. More than I care to admit… and… this whole relationship thing is new to me, but… I’m… I’m willing to give it a shot. To give you a shot… and today… today was proof of how much you’ve changed. How much you’re willing to sacrifice for others…” Ivy rested her head on Harley’s shoulder, but her mind was clearly wandering.

“...but that’s not all that’s troubling you, is it?”

“...perceptive as always.” Ivy chuckled halfheartedly, then looked away again. “It’s… it’s fine. It’s nothing important…”

“Well, I am a psychiatrist… but seriously Ive, you can tell me anything.” Harley stroked her cheek. “You know that.”

“Harley, I really don’t want to talk about it… can we just… can you help me out of this dress?”

“...yeah. Sure thing.” Harley stood up before reaching out a hand to help Ivy up. She definitely wasn’t going to let this drop that easily, but Ivy clearly didn’t want to talk anymore right now… so instead Harley busied herself with the zipper of Ivy’s wedding dress and the sights underneath.

- End of part 1 -

I think all of it copied and pasted? If it looks like anything is missing please lmk!

This... this is what quarantine, lack of sleep, and having covid does to you. Helps you get over writers block. This is my first work I've gone public with, and originally I wasn't going to post it but a friend gave me the confidence to share it! So... here it is, I guess?

I was going to post it on Archives of Our Own too, but I have to wait till the 14th to get an account. 😐

Comments mean the world, even if it's just a couple words. I'll even take criticism to heart! By commenting you all can let me know what you think, and if you want to see the other parts...

Any interaction is appreciated, and my inbox and dms are always open! Thank you, and have a great day! (Or night!)

#harlivy #harley quinn #poison ivy #harleen quinzel #pamela isley #harley quinn animated series #eat bang kill tour #harlivy fanfiction

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fonulyn · 3 years

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So I'm reading this sad Chreon story - as one does (it's me, I'm one) - and I just had the weirdest epiphany? Like, I dunno, it's probably dumb and far from a hot take or some eye opening character analysis no one has done before but I noticed that people (including myself, so like not saying this in any kind of bad way) tend to write Leon as stand offish, apathetic, and cold. Like this story stated it specifically, said something along the lines of "this is what Leon gets for cultivating a reputation for being unapproachable, apathetic, and indifferent" and the insinuation there is that he's done this on purpose, put on this front to seem unaffected by things when in the presence of others, and I think it's pretty true for his character. Like anything post RE2, Leon is kind of. I dunno, I wanna say deadpan? He seems to express v little emotion, and when he does it's usually in the form of a quip, one-liner, or snarky come back. Sometimes awkward small talk lol. But it feels like he's built this wall, this persona around himself, not just to protect himself from losing more people (bc he probably sees it as some kind of inevitability, and with his track record I certainly wouldn't blame him), but to protect people from him. This poor man has spent so long fighting, trying to save people, and even tho he saves the day in the end, so many people get lost in the process, and Leon feels every single loss personally. Right off the bat we see it every time someone dies in RE2, then again in RE4 with Luis, who he knew for a short period of time and yet mourned so heavily for, and even Krauser to an extent. Leon is someone who is quick to trust, even as he gets older, and we see that in RE Vendetta, too. Like that's probably one of the big reasons he's so devastated after losing his team. Not only was he entrusted with a group (which doesn't happen often, as far as we have seen), but he probably put his trust in them as well, including Petrucio, the man who betrayed them. I just think Leon is such a complex character who hides so much of himself (which is convenient for bad writers at Capcom who can't write good dialogue to save their lives lmao, but I also think it's a decent part of his character now), probably so what happened in RE2 doesn't happen again. Bc that shit was probably so traumatizing, and Leon was still a baby! I'm only a year older then he was at the time of RE2 but like, as humans our brains don't finish growing until age 25, so that kind of trauma at that age is for sure gonna stick with you, and it seems he picked up some unhealthy coping mechanisms from it that's more than just his drinking problem. Anyways I guess I just wanted to rant about how Leon is the most "emotionless" character in RE but in reality he feels and cares so much, so much so that if he doesn't put up that mask of indifference then he'll destroy himself. This man would die so that others could live, he's saved the world multiple times without a care for himself past the need to finish his mission and keep as many people as possible safe. He's such a tragic character and I love him so goddamn much, like he's one of those characters who you aspire to be like, in a way. Selfless, capable, dependable, reliable, smart, passionate, caring. And some of this might be my own character building I've done based off of other headcanons and character analysis posts and stories I've seen, but I do think we see a lot of this in the canon content, too. I just really love Leon S Kennedy, okay? He makes me sad but also so so happy and I love him v much, he is a big time comfort character for me. Sorry for the rant, just needed to scream about this with someone who would understand lol 😅

oh anon, I get you, I dooo. I think that you're right in that Leon has kind of this shell around himself because it's the only way he can cope. but there are so many cracks in his shell, and he lets people in so readily even when it would stand to reason that he shouldn't trust anyone anymore. he gets attached to people lightning fast, and he'd die for them even when he's barely met them.

this borders on headcanon territory, definitely, but I tend to often write him as someone who gets attached easily and falls for people easily (be it friendship or romantic or anything), but then he doesn't know how to properly let people in because he's got his defense mechanisms, he's trying to keep himself from breaking, and what if he truly lets someone past those walls and then another disaster strikes and he never recovers from it?

and I think it shows a lot in how he's so awkward with small talk, he can throw in one-liners and dad jokes and try to keep his own (and anyone else's) spirits up with that. but oh man. beyond that? the boy doesn't know how to naturally talk to people. (even like in Infinite Darkness, with Claire, I think his "don't do anything stupid" was 100% meant to be a joke, both times, but it just didn't exactly land perfectly. poor awkward bby)

but like even though he might put up this unaffected front, he's still so very expressive? like... if you really pay attention to him? he's far from actually an expressionless and cold person. he just isn't very loud about it. (i was just going through ID screencaps yesterday and while Shen May is talking and Leon is on the background, he goes through such a journey in expressions alone :'D)

AND HE CARES. like, for example in Infinite Darkness, he sees Patrick is shaken and the first possible moment he has, he immediately asks him if he's okay and takes a moment to reassure him. they're in a hurry, he's supposed to get going and not check up on a guy he's never even met before, but he does it anyway. and I think it speaks a lot of his character. he's quick to offer support and comfort, and he genuinely tries to be there for others the best he can. he desperately needs someone to listen to him in turn, seriously. give him emotional support, damnit.

and I wanna highlight what you said:

in reality he feels and cares so much, so much so that if he doesn't put up that mask of indifference then he'll destroy himself. This man would die so that others could live, he's saved the world multiple times without a care for himself past the need to finish his mission and keep as many people as possible safe.

because yes. 100%. also this:

he's one of those characters who you aspire to be like, in a way.

like. yes. there was this one meme thing going around which was basically like asking if you feel like you're like your favorite character and I'm just. I fucking wish I was one tenth of what he is :'D

I know not even he is perfect, c'mon, no such thing as perfect people exist (not even in fiction, or if they do then they'd be really damn boring :'D). i'm not trying to claim he has no flaws, or that he never does anything wrong. he has and he does. but the amount of genuine caring he shows and how hard he tries to do the right thing? truly awe inspiring.

i just. I'm right there with you. I love him so damn much. and that's why I spend most of my time writing fic where he gets at least some of that happiness he deserves :'D i need him taken care of, damnit, and if canon doesn't give him good things then i damn sure will.

#whenever you want to talk about him anon #i'm right here for you :D #i love him so much #so muchhhh #anonymous #ask and i shall answer #re answers #leon s kennedy #long post

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scripts4dreamers · 4 years

Text

I literally JUST sat down, pt. 6

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Seven

AN: Alone time with Spencer Reid isn’t something you’re ever willing to pass up. Characters: Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia, Derek Morgan, Aaron Hotchner, Jennifer Jareau, David Rossi. Pairings: Spencer Reid x reader Spoilers: None Warnings: Mentions of crime and violence, alcohol

---------------------------

“I could eat a horse,” Emily grumbled, collapsing into her seat on the jet, “when’s the last time we had solid food?”

JJ shook her head, “God, I don’t know. Maybe yesterday?”

“18:43 yesterday,” Spencer agreed, shooting you a tired smile as he took a seat beside you, “that’s when the call from Martin came in.”

Everyone nodded, remembering the frenzy that followed the call, everyone rushing to gather SWAT units, interviewing witnesses again, formulating a plan of attack and a de-escalation strategy. It had been a blur of movement and activity and that, combined with the nearly 10 hour standoff that followed had carried you for well over 24 hours, and left everyone hungry, tired and in desperate need of a shower.

“Ugh, I did not miss this part of the job,” you whined in time with a loud grumble from your stomach, “do you have any idea how many meals I missed when I was working at the bookstore? None! Not one. I had three meals a day and as many biscuits as I could eat,” you sighed nostalgically, “those were the good days.”

Emily moaned, “Ah, biscuits. Tell me more.”

You chuckled and shot her a fond look.

“You’ve got no idea what you’re missing, Emily,” Spencer cut in, “the biscuits Y/N makes are heaven. The ‘better than sex’ ones?” He rolled his eyes and groaned, a noise that made your cheeks flush and sent a bolt of surprise straight through you, “I dream about them.”

JJ hummed her agreement, closing her eyes as she reminisced, “I remember those, they’re Will’s favorite too.”

“That’s because Will has excellent taste,” you joked, shooting her a flirty wink, “in all things.”

Emily frowned, “Hey! Don’t flirt with her, keep telling me about these Better Than Sex biscuits.”

It had been nearly two weeks since the last big break in your case and, honestly, it was starting to grate on your nerves. No matter what you did it was like there was this massive clock counting down the days until another body would be dropped in your lap, probably with some other creepy detail on it; like your first pet’s name carved into the victim’s forehead. Garcia had been tracking down security camera footage from the shopping center you’d visited to buy your perfume, but there hadn’t been too much luck. A lot of the shops had already taped over their footage, and the ones that hadn’t had been grainy or awkwardly placed. All that they could reliably see was a tall man in a dark coat with a baseball cap on mirroring your movements in a few different stores.

Garcia was trying her best to enhance the images but, until she could, they were stuck. The only thing that helped your nerves was being on cases, and the fact that you almost always had someone with you to help keep you distracted.

“Well, they’re biscuits,” you smiled.

“And?” Emily pushed.

“And they’re better than sex,” you finished.

Emily rolled her eyes, but she was smiling as she did it, “That so?”

“I guess it depends on who you’re having sex with,” Spencer offered, meeting your eye for just a second, “in my experience they’re definitely better than casual meaningless sex, like a one night stand, but maybe not better than all sex.”

Your eyes widened and, much to your embarrassment, you felt yourself flush again. Spencer Reid and sex were two things that you worked very hard to keep separate in your mind. If they ever overlapped it happened in private and late at night, when no one was around to see your pupils dilate. You were a profiler. You were surrounded by profilers, and you’d learned long ago that the only way to keep secrets from a team like that was to make sure that your body language was stable and consistent at all times. Spencer Reid made that difficult. Spencer Reid casually talking about sex while his thigh was brushing up against yours made it damn near impossible.

“I need to try these biscuits,” Emily declared, “Y/N/N, will you make me some? Please?”

You snorted, “When? My shop’s closed indefinitely.”

“You can make them at my place,” Spencer said softly, just to you, “I haven’t used the oven in my apartment since...ever, I think, but it should work.”

“I’m-I’m staying at your place?”

Spencer shifted in his seat, “Yeah, it’s my turn. Garcia didn’t tell you?”

You made a mental note to shave Penelope’s eyebrows off at the earliest possible convenience in retaliation, but you kept your face neutral.

“No, she didn’t. Are you sure you’re okay with this, Spence? I don’t want to be a burden, and I know that you really value your privacy.” You asked, keeping your voice low.

Spencer smiled, something soft and fond glimmering in his dark eyes, “Of course I’m sure, Y/N. This is about keeping you safe.”

“I know but-“

“No!” Spencer interrupted with a laugh, “No buts. You’re staying at my place. Okay?”

You pressed your lips together, a million different arguments fighting for prominence in your mind.

“Okay?” Spencer repeated.

You deflated, “Fine. Okay.”

He leaned back in his seat and gave you a smug smile as he opened the book he’d brought with him. War and Peace, in the original Russian of course. It was a painfully nostalgic image and you felt your eyes start to droop with exhaustion.

“You’re impossible,” you yawned, “you know that?”

He smiled, “Yeah, yeah I know, Y/N. Get some rest, I’ll still be impossible when you wake up.”

You hummed, feeling a rush of comfort and warmth as you let sleep drag you under.

“Night, Reid,” you mumbled.

——————————-

Spencer was weirdly nervous as he fumbled for his apartment keys. It was stupid, of course, you’d been to his apartment before. Hell, you’d practically lived there in the weeks after Maeve’s death, but something about this felt...different. Maybe it was that he knew that you were in danger, and because of that you being there felt like an act of trust. Maybe he was nervous that he hadn’t cleaned up enough, or that you’d spent the entire flight with your head on his shoulder. Maybe he was worried that his oven actually didn’t work and he’d gotten your hopes up for nothing. Maybe it was-

“Spencer,” you said with a gentle laugh, “I can hear the cogs in your brain whirling. Calm down, everything’s going to be alright, I’ve seen your place before.”

Spencer smiled and he felt the tension start to ease out of his shoulders. Maybe it was just because it was you. The key finally slid into the door and he welcomed you in, grabbing your suitcase with one hand as he went.

“Welcome to Casa Reid,” he said, “ignore the books, unless you want to read any of them of course. You remember where my room is, right?”

You shot him a look, “What? No! Spence I’m already intruding on your fortress of solitude, I’m not taking your bedroom too.” You flopped down onto his couch, crossing your legs on the cushion and your arms across your chest with a determined glint in your eyes, “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

He rolled his eyes fondly, “Really, Y/N/N? This is the hill you want to die on? I know you’re as tired as I am. Wouldn’t it be nice to just collapse into a soft bed?”

“I’m sure it would be,” you agreed, “you’ll have to tell me all about it tomorrow morning.” You pushed yourself up and grabbed your suitcase from his hands with a sweet smile, “I would love a shower though. Maybe when I’m done you’ll have thought of a clever comeback? If not,” you shrugged, “we’ll get dinner.”

And with that you strode off in the direction of Spencer’s bathroom, shooting him one last playful smile as you went. As soon as you were out of sight Spencer sighed happily, collapsing onto the couch you’d just vacated and listening as the shower switched on. He was tired, bone tired; he was starving, he was thirsty and there was a dull sort of pressure in his temple that might have been the start of a headache, but despite all that he didn’t care. He was happy, almost giddy really, and that was enough. While the sound of the shower echoed through his apartment, Spencer let himself start to drift off.

-------------------------

The moment you were done talking Spencer’s world went quiet. All around him he could see his friends’ mouths moving, their shocked faces burned into his mind as they begged you for answers, but it was like they were on the other end of a really long corridor and he couldn’t quite make out their actual words. Instead there was just this rushing in his ears and the pounding of his heart, just a little too loud, as he tried to process the idea of his world without you in it.

“I’m leaving,” he heard you say again and again, like a stuck record in the back of his mind, “I handed in my resignation a while ago. I’m just here to pack up my things.”

For some reason that didn’t seem right. It didn’t seem right that you could be “leaving” and then be gone for good on the same day. It was too fast, Spencer hadn’t had time. Time to process, to think, to convince you to stay, to come with you, to tell you how he felt, to cry, to yell, to throw things, to laugh to-

“We’ll still see each other,” you lied through a sheepish smile, “this doesn’t have to be goodbye forever. Just goodbye for now.”

Spencer shook his head, his eyes trained on the patch of floor just between your feet like if he stared long enough it might give him the answer. The answer to what? It didn’t matter. He vaguely heard Garcia complaining in her own way, and JJ asking you to reconsider but, still, it was like it was happening to someone else. You’re dissociating, the rational part of his brain supplied, you’re dissociating because you can’t cope with losing someone you care about, you can’t cope with losing Y/N. He pushed the thought away, forcing it into a box somewhere in the very back of his mind as he fought to stay in control in the moment. Oh wow, Spencer Reid has abandonment issues, he thought to himself, how original.

“Excuse me,” he muttered, hoping it was too low for anyone to hear as he turned on his heel and walked straight out of the conference room.

As he went he could feel the sets of eyes on his back and the heavy weight of a mixture of confusion and pity they brought with them. For once he didn’t care. All that mattered was that his eyes were stinging and his chest was tight and, no matter what happened you couldn’t see him cry like this. He couldn’t let you see him break down because, the second that you did, he would be found out. You would put your arm on his shoulder and say something kind and he would look into your eyes and….you’d know. You’d see all the pain and the fear and the betrayal and you’d know in an instant how desperately and completely Spencer had fallen for you. And that couldn’t happen, it just couldn’t.

——————————-

Spencer sighed, shaking his head to snap himself out of the sad reminiscing. His heart was strangely heavy at the memory and he swallowed hard past the growing lump in his throat. That had been a hard day, but it had been nothing compared to what had come next. Showing up at work everyday and being met with your empty desk, the suffocating absence of your laughter, your voice, Derek and JJ trying desperately to compensate, Emily’s sullenness, even Garcia and her constant little check ins. Everything they did just made it more obvious that you weren’t there, that you’d really left, and that you were never coming back.

He looked towards his bedroom without meaning to, subtly reminding himself that you were there and that he wasn’t on his own anymore.

For now, the cynical voice in the back of his mind whispered. Until this case is solved and she packs up and leaves again like nothing happened. Then it’ll be just like it was before. Except that that wasn’t true. No, this time it’d be worse.

------------------------------

Spencer fiddled with the strap of his satchel, working his jaw as he tried to get up the nerve to either walk into the bookshop or turn and leave for good. It had been nearly four months since he’d last seen you, but you still texted regularly and sent him pictures of the store whenever you could. Not that it ever felt like enough. Four months of fighting himself and trying to figure out what the right thing to do was. Should he chase after you and beg you to come back? Should he offer to help around the bookstore in his free time? What did he want from you? What was his endgame here?

For a long while Spencer just watched you through the glass as the questions whirled around his head like a hurricane. You looked happy, he noticed as you laughed at something one of your employees said, like you were in your element. There was a peacefulness about the way you moved here too, like there was no hurry, like you had all the time in the world. It had been a long time since he’d seen you that happy. Not since that night, the one he wasn’t supposed to think about anymore. Not since he’d ruined everything and set your friendship on a collision course with disaster. You’d never said so, but Spencer knew that that night was why you left. He knew it was his fault, even if you didn’t want to admit it.

He sighed, fighting down a sudden rush of bitterness that tasted like ashes in his mouth. Something about seeing you, really seeing you again,brought all the hurt and confusion of that night back to the surface. Maybe it was just that it felt real now, final, like something that was always meant to happen the way it had. Something he had no control over. But you were happy, he reminded himself, and that was all he really wanted, right?

Spencer felt something in his chest splinter and, while his resolve was still firm, he turned on his heel and walked away. It wasn’t his place, he told himself again and again as he walked, he had no right.

-------------------------------

“Spence?” You asked, your worried voice cutting straight through his daydream like a knife, “are you okay?”

His head whipped around and he felt the knot of anxiety in his chest loosen as he took you in. Your hair was wet from the shower, your skin dewy and soft-looking beneath your pajamas. You looked calm and strong, and so painfully familiar that Spencer felt something near his heart swell with appreciation. So he brought his attention back, leaving the mistakes of the past alone for the time being so that he could better enjoy the present. He was home, and you were safe and for a moment everything was right in the world.

“Yeah,” he answered with a smile, “yeah I’m good. I-uh-I didn’t want to order dinner before you were finished because I didn’t ask what you wanted.”

You relaxed ever so slightly, “Hmmm,” you started, making your way over to the couch and plopping down next to him like it was the most natural thing in the world, “how about pizza?”

Spencer smiled, “I could do pizza. What kind do you want?” he asked, pulling out his phone to place the order.

“Ohhhh no,” you replied, shaking your head, “no, no, no. I’m not falling for that one again, Doctor Reid,” you joked, “I will not have you topping shame me in my own home.”

“In your own home?” Spencer laughed, “Oh, so this is officially your home now?”

“For the next few days yes, it is,” you shot back smugly, followed by, “I’ll have whatever you’re having, but no mushrooms.”

“Since when do you hate mushrooms?”

“Since now, duh,” you replied with a shrug, “seriously though, so long as it’s warm and filling, I really don’t mind.”

“Two warm and filling pizza’s coming right up,” Spencer said, “Garcia leant me some movies to watch as well if you want.”

Joking around with you the way he always had was an equal measure of comforting and bizarre, but Spencer wasn’t going to question it. As you bickered back and forth about whether or not Legally Blonde was the best courtroom film ever made, he tried to shake off the slight sadness in his chest. It was impossible. Every time he made you laugh or saw the edges of your eyes crinkle with a smile he was reminded of that empty desk, and the hole in his chest, and the way losing you felt like losing an arm. It wasn’t your fault, you were being your usual incredible self, but that was sort of the problem. Small acts of kindness to you, like grabbing a blanket and throwing it over both of your legs without a second thought, were just that, small acts of kindness. But to Spencer they were like patches of warm sunlight when he’d been expecting cold weather. It was painful. By the time the pizza had arrived, he’d changed into pajamas and you’d convinced him to watch Legally Blonde, he thought he had it under control. Or at least under control enough that you wouldn’t notice. He was wrong.

Less than fifteen minutes into the movie you pressed pause, turning to face him on the couch with a determined look on your face.

“Okay, spill it.” You demanded, “What’s wrong?”

“What?” he asked, heat creeping into his cheeks, “I don’t-what?”

“You went somewhere,” you explained, “somewhere in your head. You only do that when something’s bothering you.”

“Nothing’s bothering me, Y/N, I just-”

“Spence,” you interrupted, scooching closer and staring into his eyes pleadingly, “please don’t lie to me. I know you too well for that to work. Just tell me what’s wrong, is it me? Did I do something?”

“No.” Spencer said quickly, desperate to wipe that sad look off your face “No, Y/N/N you didn’t do anything I’m just-I’m not-” he took a deep breath in, thinking through his words, “I’m not sure...how to do this, exactly.”

You tilted your head, confused but, to his relief, didn’t shut him down.

“How to do what?” You asked sincerely, “Watch Legally Blonde? I know it’s not exactly your style but-”

“No,” he laughed softly, “no, not the movie. I don’t know how to be here, with you,” he admitted, “like this. Everytime I think I’ve got it, I remember what it was like without you and I just-” he shook his head, “I shut down. I pull away, and I don’t want to, I want to be here because you’re my friend and I care about you. It’s just that everytime I try….”

“You imagine what it’ll be like to lose me,” you supplied, sadly.

“I don’t imagine it, Y/N, I remember it.” He said, “All those years of seeing you every single day and suddenly you were just gone, and I couldn’t handle it. I kept expecting you to just walk back in one day, or that I’d wake up and the whole thing would just have been some weird fever dream, but it never did. The months just stretched on and on and on and-” he met your eye, “and now you’re back, and everything’s great again, but it’s been more than a year and, I don’t know, I guess I just don’t want to get my hopes up.”

The admission made Spencer feel lighter, like a weight had been lifted from his chest but, when he met your eye, his heart sank just a little bit. You pressed your lips together into a thin line, sniffing as you fought back tears. But they were angry tears, Spencer realised. You were sad, but you were also furious, and it made him swallow hard.

“Spencer, I don’t know how many times I can apologise,” you finally started, “I should’ve given you more warning, I shouldn’t have kept how I was feeling a secret, I know that now,” you continued, “but you didn’t lose me. Nobody lost me. I lost you. I lost my family, my job, my second home, the entire community of people I’d built up, all of it. I was alone, really alone, and starting from scratch in a city I barely recognized because I’d spent the last however many years flying around the country and completely neglecting most of the city I actually lived in. I also discovered that, outside of the BAU, I have exactly two friends, neither of whom live in the state so, at first, I spent 99% of my time just sitting in my apartment crying over what a huge terrible irreversible mistake I’d made and eating cookies.” You explained. Spencer opened his mouth to interrupt but, before he could, you shot him a pleading look, and he let you continue, “And I know it must’ve sucked, not having me around. I know you must have felt completely hurt and betrayed and confused, and I swear to you, I’m not trying to minimize that at all. All I’m trying to say is...it wasn’t easy for me. I didn’t just step out of those doors into some sunny, perfect idyllic life where all I did was bake cookies and read books. It was hard. I worked hard, and I don’t want to have to feel bad about that.”

You looked so sad in that moment that Spencer wanted to cry. He had never truly considered the implications of leaving the BAU, of how hard it must’ve been starting over when being in the FBI had always been your dream. Instinctively, he reached out and took your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, just so you knew he was there.

“I don’t want that either,” Spencer promised, “I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy, Y/N.”

You nodded, wiping your eyes as a few stray tears slipped down your cheeks, “I know that, Spence, I do. I just-” You let out a deep breath and seemed to pull yourself together, squeezing his hand in return, “it felt like the only person who cared about me was Garcia,” you admitted, “and so, coming back, I was really scared. I didn’t quite know what I was walking into. I thought I knew, but I wasn’t sure so I just-” you shrugged, “acted like nothing had changed. And maybe that’s my fault but-”

“It’s not your fault,” he interrupted, feeling a swell of protectiveness ballooning in his chest, “none of us knew how to handle a situation like this.”

“But I should’ve considered how weird this must be for you,” you insisted, “I should’ve known that you-that you’d need more time, or more space from me than the others.”

“I don’t want space,” he said earnestly, “I promise you, Y/N, the last thing I want is to be away from you again. I’ve made that mistake once and it didn't work out too well.

You gave him a watery laugh and Spencer felt his spirit lift just a little. It was crazy how simple everything became in Spencer’s mind when you needed him, how easily he could be open and vulnerable without fear. It was you, he’d do anything for you, even bare his soul to make you laugh.

“I guess, what I’m trying to say,” You continued, “is that I’m scared. I’m so scared that, the minute this case is over, I’ll be alone again, starting from scratch, with nothing but two Murder Storefronts that no one is going to want to come within one hundred feet of, and you guys will just go on without me.”

Spencer smiled and tugged you close, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into a tight hug.

“That’s not going to happen, Y/N/N,” he promised.

“How do you know?” You whispered into his hair.

“Because,” he replied honestly, “I won’t let it.”

-----------------------------------

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doomedandstoned · 3 years

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Chatting with Austin’s Shitbag

~Doomed & Stoned Interviews~

By Shawn Gibson

In his never ending quest to find the filthiest bands from around the world, Shawn Gibson brings us face-to-face, virtually speaking, with frontman Keith Young from Austin, Texas trio SHITBAG. The band dishes out a harsh blend of crust, grindcore, hardcore, and sludge, a sound you may already be acquanted with if you've heard their new EP Burden on Transylvanian Recordings. (Editor)

SHITBAG - BURDEN by SHITBAG

So why are you a Shitbag? What's the name all about?

I guess when I came up with the name, the thought was that Shitbag was a person I didn't want to be and I lived in fear of becoming. It's a catchy two syllable band name. (laughs)

Oh very catchy!

Half of it's just taking the piss right?

Oh yeah.

People think it's great or they think it's really fucking stupid.

I love the name Shitbag. It grabs your attention. It is so fitting for your style of music, the sludge-grind duo.

Definitely. The idea was to get a very dirty sound from the start. The name stuck with me. You can tell from some of our earlier releases to hone the sound but you can see that it's falling into place. I think we were zeroing in on the sound on the album we put out last year.

Which was 'Furnace,' right?

Correct.

Your latest release 'Burden' is out now.

Yes, that's now through Transylvanian Records.

Awesome, they are a good label! I have definitely heard of them and have some of their artists' music. So is 'Burden' your third release?

I guess it's our fourth, if you count the first EP. We don't really push that one out anymore.

Furnace by Shitbag

'Furnace' is a really good album! I think I bought all your digital albums on Bandcamp.

Oh, thank you.

I definitely fell in love with the sound! "Emasculator" is a great sludge song from the record Can you tell me a little about that one?

It is about castration. The riff was a fun thing I kind of threw out there. I told Eli our drummer this is in 4/4 and he said" it is absolutely not, I can try to play along to it anyways." As usual, he did. the different pieces kind of fell into place. The bass guitar always stuck out to me on that one. The speed of the song and the mix we got on those recordings allows the bass to shine through I think. Also, I think that might be one of my favorite vocal performances off of Furnace as well.

Who all is in the band and what roles do they have?

So I play guitar and vocals. Eli Deitz plays drums and Eric Prescott plays bass.

I would say 'Burden' sounds heavier than 'Furnace.' Can you tell me about your guitars and the set up you use for writing and recording?

Oh, sure!

What are you using to get that Shitbag sound?

So first off I think it's worth noting that we recorded Burden at a different location and we had more power at our fingertips. The guitars definitely did get beefed up. For the first two releases I had been playing a Randall RH 150 with a Randall 150 amp head. It gets this really nasty distortion right out of the box, you don't need a distortion pedal, which is pretty convenient. It wasn't reliable at high volumes. That was becoming a problem more and more playing alongside Eric, as he was playing an "O-R something" Orange head and also running that through an HM2 and some fuzz stuff in front of it, as well. He gets a very loud, snarling bass tone.

He's covering the low end, but there's an intersection where the guitars and bass compete when we are playing live. So I needed something that I could crank up just to keep up. The Randall wasn't cutting it. May of last year I purchased a Sunn Coliseum 880. That was great but I needed to beef up my cabinet setup. Before I had been playing out of a Laney 4x12 with two different Celestion speakers and an old Marshall 2x15. The Celestion speakers are just not cut out for running something like a Coliseum880. At 4 ohms I think it's already at 230 watts.

Oh, wow!

That is when I moved up to a Worshipper 4x12. It's an Intown establishment, and some good friends of mine run it. They got me a new cabinet in 8 to 12 weeks. Kinda crazy to think about from what I heard from Dillon at Worshipper they had good business during the pandemic.

That is great! I love to hear that everyone's keeping up the practicing at home.

Yeah, It definitely has a silver lining. I got a 4x 12 and I'm trying to remember what speakers are in it. My technical knowledge of that stuff is a little limited, I'll be honest. I went with Dillon's recommendation. I told him what I was using currently, this is what I want out of it. I already have a 2x15 cabinet so I don't need a whole shit ton of low end power coming out of the 4x12. He kind of went with something that had the right profile and could handle 320 watts. After that was the matter of finding a distortion pedal, because Sunn Coliseums don't really have a built in distortion the way a Randall does. For a while I was a really great distortion pedal that does all kinds of great stuff the Earthquaker device's grey channel.

It has six different clipping presets, clipping diodes, and you can do just about everything from straight up gain to kind of a fuzzy effect to full-on Moss clipping diode, which does the whole balls to the wall heavy metal thing. Great diversity on that pedal but it wasn't quite hitting the right spots. I went to a Boss HM2 and was very reluctant to do so because I know everyone does those. I ran that with a Graph equalizer like I would any distortion pedal. I made it not sound like I'm playing in tuned riffs. That's my equipment set up and how it evolved from Furnace to Burden.

Awesome, thank you. Something that attracted me to Shitbag's music is the sludge is the jelly and the grind is the peanut butter that makes this great Shitbag sandwich. There are moments in your music that it is as thick as swamp mud, then the next it's firing out like bullets out of an AR-15!

Hell, yeah!

Cordycep by Shitbag

With that being said you have a song like "New Day" that's grind as fuck, clocking in at a minute long, just blasting through! Then you have songs like "Rogue Furnace" that's right up the sludge/doom alley clocking in at 15-minutes, 20-seconds. Shitbag has a really great balance between different styles in your music.

Well, thank you!

What bands influenced Shitbag's music?

Yeah, so I think the time I was getting into sludge and doom in my college days and I came across Primitive Man.

Oh, yeah!

I grew up listening to death metal and shit like that.

Me too!

The way they threw that together with just oppressive doom sound. It was something I had never heard before. I instantly heard that and said"this is the future." I don't want to shit on anything but Black Sabbath has been around 50 years and that sound has been around 50 years.

Newer and current bands are still using that sound, yeah.

Maybe I shouldn't disparage it, right? Even the stuff I'm drawing influence from is 30 years old now. Maybe I shouldn't say it that way. I think it's a matter of pervasiveness rather than how old something is. There are a lot of bands in the sludge/doom canon that are like, "Black Sabbath, hell yeah!"

You can find lots of music that was coming out of the death and grindcore scene in the '80s, '90s, and 2000s that had very slow, lurching oppressive moods. To me, it's not so much a matter of the notes that are being played or the rhythms, it's the atmosphere. So yes Primitive Man, God Flesh, they are a big one. I'm a big fan of Assuck, Dystopia, and Grief. Then a lot of older death metal shit, too. Napalm Death, Eric and Eli loved Entombed. Full Of Hell is tight as shit, too!

Yes they are! By chance have you heard of Clinging To The Trees Of A Forest Fire?

Oh yeah, yeah.

I thought you might, being they were before Primitive Man. Great shit, as well!

Every band of theirs that the members of Primitive Man have been in that I have checked out, I have been very much into.

Vermin Womb, Many Blessings...

John put out an album with a death metal band called Black Curse last year that I thought was fucking phenominal!

I'll have to check that out! I like just about everything across the board, personally.

You are mentioning that we're striking this blend, we are not even playing the same genre through the whole EP. It's kind of like there's moments where it's one thing then there's moments where it's another. I think the more important thing is that it sounds like a cohesive thing. I hope we manage to do that.

You do! Shitbag has it's own sound that is unique to you guys!

Well, thank you!

I stumbled upon Shitbag's music on Bandcamp on Fathers Day. I saw the song title "Fathers and Sons" off of Burden and thought, "That's no coincidence -- I need to check this band out!" I was wondering if you can tell me a little about that track?

The song is about grappling with father and son relationships that are, I don't want to say estranged but you know trying at times. That was something that was a really big deal for me over the past year and a half, cause my mother passed away at the end of 2019.

I am sorry to hear that!

Thank you. When you have a death in the family like that, there is a lot of time for reflection that comes about. That's where the concept came about. I would not say that it's entirely autobiographical, there is definitely some exaggeration in there. We had the music for the song written and we couldn't figure what to write the lyrics about. I was just spitballing ideas and concepts to Eli. That was the one he said, "Yeah, I'm not really a fan of this draught but this is the concept to go with. Keep going with this."

Historically, I think I have been a weak lyricist. I would not call myself good by any means. We definitely made that part of the writing more collaborative process. Like the music has always been with us. We ironed out the words with each other so it felt a lot better. We came out with something more polished.

I understand completely.

A little graciousness opens yourself up. I think it's true with lyrics, as well. You probably don't have people say that to you very often, I imagine. I think it's especially true with lyrics when you're trying to make something that's personal and vulnerable. Having someone say, "Hey I would word that differently!" YOU MOTHERFUCKER!

Exactly. (laughs)

Take a step back from the initial knee-jerk response and just let it sit. You can really go places with that. I think lyrics are different just because people are not accustomed to making themselves vulnerable in that way.

What bands from Austin and surrounding areas that are heavy and you love to see them play or play with?

Let's see... Zyclops, really fucking great! There's bands like Glassing, Inhalants, Portrayal Of Guilt.

Yep, familiar with them.

There's a band called Godshell, they are new. I saw them play at a house show in North Austin in a living room full of people younger than myself. A crowd that was young enough to make me feel old. They played an outstanding fucking show! Those guys are rad live! There's also Metal Abortion, who is a pretty fun noise core band that Shitbag has played with a couple times. They put on a hell of a show and they have some crazy fucking records, too!

We have had the pleasure of playing many great shows with Desist on account of Shitbag and Desist being the two "Austin sludge" bands. Lucas is an outstanding vocalist and an even better human being. I don't know if Desist has been active through the pandemic but word is they have shit in the works. Another band forming a major constellation in the Austin shit-verse is the crusty blackened thrash outfit Vacha. Every show we've played with them was a fucking barn buner. I have nothing but love for all those dudes! Special shout out to Carlos for his God-like endurance behind the kit.

What makes Shitbag laugh? What's funny to you guys?

Oh, man. Eli and I have decided that a good way to get around when I bring a riff and don't know the time signature, is that we count everything in one. There 's no more time signature.That's a fairly recent joke. There are times at practice instead of playing a Shitbag riff with the distortion and everything balls out, I will go to the clean channel and push on the wah pedal and play with a funky staccato thing.

Hell yeah!

I think everyone else finds it annoying.

I have always enjoyed when the one guy in the band during practice either gets funky or jazzy, one of the two.

There is also something that Eli does that is fucking histarical. He never warns me he's going to do it. We will be in the middle of a song in the intense parts of the song he slips in the ba-dum tiss like a joke was told. When he nails it it's really a special thing.

Well, Keith that is all I have for you. Thank you again for your time!

Thank you very much, Shawn! The cassettes are available through Transylvania Recordings and Bandcamp. They are up for pre-order. I am not sure when those pre-orders will be in. There are some delays.

Several bands and labels having a tough time with vinyl getting pressed and shipping, too.

If you order the cassette you will get it eventually. I hope there is new music to announce in the near future.

We hope so, too!

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#D&S Interviews #Shitbag #Austin #Texas #doom patrol #sludge #metal #punk rock #Shawn Gibson #Transylvanian Recordings

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ask-the-childrenofrevolution · 3 years

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Mending Fences

Charley stood there in a stupor in front of his X great grandfather Lindbergh. It felt like the two were in a never ending stare off. There was a pregnant pause before Lindbergh spoke up.

“Glad to see your up and kicking kid.” Lindbergh said.

Charley stood there struggling between emotions of anger and fear. He was angry at the older Mink for sabotaging the barricade which caused Charley to be separated from his parents and forced into the harsh wasteland. Yet at the same time he feared that with the wrong move or the wrong word Lindbergh could wipe Charley out of existence with a simple snap of a finger.

“Name’s Lindbergh.” Lindbergh said as he held out a hand. Charley stared at the gesture unsure of what to do, should he let his anger boil over and berate the older Mink or thank Lindbergh for saving his life. “Whatever you choose you better do it soon before they get suspicious.” Charley told himself. Charley thought back on Lindbergh’s last recording. “My time is up, as of now the Revolutionaries could be all wiped out, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from being with Dragon and the gang is that destiny has a funny way of working things out. If its destiny’s desire then the Revolutionaries will return one day, so I’ll leave it up to destiny if Project: Minuteman will ever see the light of day. To the person listening to this I guess destiny has chosen you to restart this project so lets begin, activate self destruct code: N-X-211. Goodbye and good luck”. An elderly Lindbergh spoke. Charley thought back on that word, destiny. Looking at this version of Lind there was no way he could’ve known about the war, nor that he would be sealed within a barricade with no rescue party to bust him out later, nor the repercussions his actions would befall on his own family 200 years later. When he really thought about it Charley could only sum up destiny as the only explanation, but why him? Why didn’t destiny chose someone more suited for this like his mother Ratchet; she was determined, headstrong, brave, and a leader when she knew she needed to be. Destiny could have chosen someone for Lindbergh’s will long before Charley was born or long after he had passed on, yet for some strange reason it had determined Charley was the right one for the job. “I’m Charley, its nice to meet you.” Charley said sharing Lindbergh’s gesture and shook his hand. “You're quiet something kid, your escape from death has been the hottest gossip throughout all of Momoiro Island.” Lindbergh said with a slight chuckle. “Well I have whoever made this artificial heart to thank.” Charley said. From behind Charley could hear Koala approaching. “ You don’t have to look that far, Lindbergh here is not only our Southern commander but also head inventor. That’s his handy work ticking inside of you.” Charley turned to Lindbergh. “You saved my life Lindbergh, I can’t thank you enough for that.” Charley said sincerely. “There’s no need to thank me kid, we couldn’t just stand there and do nothing.” Lindbergh said. “We”? Charley asked with a raised eyebrow. Koala cut in. “Yes, Lindbergh wasn’t the only one alone in saving you. Along with him there was our medical and science team as well as the rest of the Revs contributing in some way.” Koala said. “When we were reviving you Belo Betty stormed into the operating room and used her cheer cheer devil fruit to aid in your fight for life.” Lindbergh said. “Well it's clear that her efforts weren’t lost, I owe Betty and the others for saving me too.” Charley said. “There’s also one more person that was involved in saving you, if it wasn’t for her we would’ve never found you.” Koala said. “Hana”. Charley said with a warm smile. Both Lindbergh and Koala nodded their heads in agreement. “Can I see her”? Charley asked. “ You can but you should really be back in bed.” Koala scolded Charley for his earlier shenanigans. “Yeah, sorry about that, I just had a little freak out.” Charley said with a sheepish grin. “I can go and bring her to you if you’d like, just as long as you promise to get some rest.” Koala said. “I promise, Barricade Scouts honor”! Charley said. Charley realized what he had just sputtered out and looked at the confused faces of Koala and Lindbergh. “Um..” Charley stuttered. “Shit, the Barricade Scouts didn’t exist until after the war, c’mon Charley think of something.” Charley told himself. “Barricade Scouts? What’s that”? Lindbergh asked. “It, its what me and my friends call our little group.” Charley said nervously. Lindbergh and Koala seem to accept this answer.

“Well why don’t I help you back into bed while Koala goes and gets your friend”? Lindbergh said. “Sounds good, thank you.” Charley replied. “I’ll go and get your friend then.” Koala said. As she headed out the door Lindbergh offered Charley to use his shoulder as a crutch, the younger Mink took the older ones offer and slowly hopped back to bed. “I’m sure you’re getting tired hopping around like that.” Lindbergh said as he pulled out a long case of some kind. “So…Why don’t we fix that.” Lindbergh said as he popped open the case. Inside was a mechanical steampunk artificial leg. Charley stared in awe at the device. “You made this Lin? It looks remarkable.” Charley said. “Aw, shucks kid, this is just child’s play compared to my other works, like your heart for instance.” Lindbergh said pointing to the glow in Charley’s chest. “Or Project: Minuteman”? Charley added on. Lindbergh froze solid on the spot, dropping the leg in the process. Silence filled the air once again for a brief moment before Lindbergh spoke. “H..How do you know about that? Lindbergh asked shocked. Charley took careful thought to this question, one wrong word and he could be gone forever. “I don’t know about it, only its name from an acquaintance of yours.” Charley replied. “Who”? Lindbergh asked. “I can’t say, they wish to remain anonymous.” Charley said. “Charley, I need to know who told you about Project: Minuteman. It is a super secret top project I've been working on to help end this war before it goes too far. If anyone like the World Government or one of the Yonko gets their hands on it the lives of the people will be in great danger.” Lindbergh said in a serious tone of voice. Charley thought about telling Lindbergh the truth. It was very risky and there was a high probability that Lindbergh would think he was crazy but Charley needed to find out what Project: Minuteman was. If it could save the wasteland and make a better tomorrow for Sugar and the others than the risk was worth it. He just had to approach this right.

“Morley was the one who told me.” Charley said. Charley could hear inaudible grumbling from Lindbergh. In truth Morley had been the one to mentioned Lindbergh’s project, it just wasn’t the Morley Lindbergh was familiar with. Morley didn’t know much about it rather that it was something Lindbergh thought could change the tides of war. “Wait, how do you even know Morley”? Lindbergh asked. Charley took a deep breath in. “This is it, Goda help me.” Charley silently prayed. “As of right now Morley doesn’t know me, I’m not from here and when I say I’m not from here I’m not talking about being from a different island or even a different sea. I’m from a different time, a long time away from now. I know that sounds completely insane and worthy of having me thrown into an insane asylum but I can show you proof”! Charley said. Charley picked up his SEAHORSE that Lindbergh had placed on the nightstand and placed it in the older Minks hands. “Your tech savvy right? You should know about the developments Sea-Tech has been making, one of which is the Sustainable Electric Assisting Hazardous Obstacles Reliable Survival Equipment or SEAHORSE for short. If I’m correct about what point of time I’m in then they have only just developed the prototypes.” Charley stated. Lindbergh sat there in utter silence, his attention being fully taken by the SEAHORSE he was holding. Charley could tell from Lindbergh’s facial expression that the older Mink was trying to process everything. “This looks much more advanced than the recent Mark 1, even the in development Mark II and rumored Mark III.” Lindbergh barely whispered. Charley wanted to feel some comfort that Lindbergh was questioning how the younger Mink could have a super advanced model of a recently developed tech, but Charley couldn’t get ahead of himself. He had to fully sell the older Mink on his authenticity. Charley reached out and undid the latch on the SEAHORSE. Lindbergh looked at him. “Go ahead, give it a spin.” Charley said smiling. Lindbergh looked like a child on Christmas morning, if said child was hyped up on sugar and had gotten an entire candy store plus a pony as their present. Lindbergh eagerly strapped the device on his arm. It took the device a minute to process Lindbergh’s information but as soon as it finished processing Lindbergh eagerly flipped through the tabs of the device. Even through the goggles, Charley could see Lindbergh’s eyes sparkle in wonder meant. “This device is remarkable! So many functions; item organization, vitals tracking, a world's map, radio, Geiger counter, and is that a Multiple Assisting Target System?” Lindbergh asked enthusiastically. Charley waited patiently for Lindbergh, hoping the older Mink would notice a very special feature of the device. “It even comes with a security identification system”! Lindbergh said before pausing. “Wait, security identification? Then how am I able to use this unless.” “Were related to each other.” Charley cut in. Lindbergh stood there in disbelief, stunned at the revelation before him. Charley spoke up. “Lindbergh I know this is a lot to take in and I can’t really go into detail about what’s going on, heck I’m already taking a risk as it is just revealing the SEAHORSE to you.” Charley said. “Kid.” Was all that Lindbergh was able to say. “Its just that the place I’m from could really use a second chance and if your project can help me and the other Revs then we…”Charley was interrupted abruptly by a sudden hug from Lindbergh. “I’m so sorry Charley, I’m so sorry we screwed the future up for you.” Lindbergh said shakily. Charley hugged the older Mink back. “Don’t be sorry Lin, you might just be the one to get us out of this mess.” Charley said. “ No kid, if anyone is going to save the future it's you. As far as I know I have to just let time take its course and flow with the current, otherwise I could end up erasing the world’s best hope at a better tomorrow.” Lindbergh said. The two nodded at each other in agreement, from this point forward it was up to Charley and his friends to fight for the future. “So, about Project: Minuteman.” Lindbergh started.

#one piece #oc #au #time travel #fallout #pre war #revolutionary army #lindbergh #crossover #wasteland #post apocalyptic #post apocalypse #nuclear #cat #mink

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1040

survey by amandahudson48

When's the last time you said you were sorry? Maybe last Friday or yesterday? I haven’t been replying to Andi because I was in a slump, then when I was finally able to get back to them I made sure to apologize first and explain why it took me a while to respond.

Have you done anything interesting in the last week? I got to dine in at a restaurant again after nine months last Monday, and I brought my parents to treat them as well. The three of us had ramen, then I also treated them to frozen yogurt after. It felt nice to be out, but we also headed to a mall Gab and I used to regularly go to so everything ended up being too difficult to process and I was fighting tears the whole time at the ramen place.

Are there any songs you listen to everyday? I don’t think so. There have been a lot of days where I’ve avoided music altogether.

What do you consider a waste of time? Having to manually go to a government office nowhere near your house to queue for an ID or document when it could be done digitally, but you can’t and have no choice anyway because the agency’s website isn’t even working. In short, welcome to the Philippines where the government can steal billions but can’t maintain their own damn websites.

How do you react to stress? I tend to have a shorter fuse around people. So that I don’t accidentally lash out on anyone, I’ll bring myself to work on autopilot until I get a task done. If I find time to myself, I cry in private for a few minutes because stress sucks; then I try to dust myself off and get back to working.

Have you ever considered what you would do in certain life/death sitches? Sometimes. My game plan for the most part is to simply scream at the top of my lungs to rouse attention, but I’ll never really know what I’ll do unless something actually takes place. I have a track record of being scared frozen when scary men have approached me in the past, so idk if I will have it in me to scream in a life or death situation.

Have you ever gone mud riding? No. Photos don’t look too appealing mostly because I’m not into vehicles and driving them on unconventional terrain lol, but I mean I would still give it a shot at least once.

Do you edit your photos? Just sometimes, if I mean to show off or promote someone/something to my mutuals; like the time I promoted my uncle’s business when he gave me a free cheesecake. I usually use the VSCO or Foodie apps.

What kind of cookie do you like the most? Chocolate chip cookies that are crispy on the outside and gooey inside; and dark chocolate macadamia cookies.

Do you enjoy working alone? Sure, though I don’t mind the occasional groupwork.

Is there anyone you're not over and feel like you never will be? Yes, I’m in exactly the same place I found myself at five years ago.

Do you like long or short surveys? Medium-length, so like anywhere between 40-70 questions is the perfect length for me.

How often do you listen to your iPod? I used to listen to it everyday because I brought it with me throughout middle school and the first half of high school. When iPods slowly went out of style in junior year, I started using it less frequently.

What kind of house do you want? Something modern and minimalist; I’d like it to be predominantly rectangular or square in shape with large windows. I do also want a brutalist style for myself but I might have to give that up if I ever end up with a family, as I don’t want my kids thinking their own home looks aloof and unapproachable.

Would you like living on the coast? It sounds like paradise. Yeah, absolutely.

What song was the last you listened to? To Let A Good Thing Die - Bruno Major. Then I got really sad and had to stop listening to music altogether and scramble to watch something hilarious on YouTube.

When's the last time you were really late to something? Last week, for a meeting with a client :/ I wasn’t accustomed to my weekly calls just yet and ended up attending a 4:30-5 PM meeting at 4:57, right when it was ending, because I thought it started at 5. It was embarrassing and my manager was rightfully jokingly mad at me.

Do you prefer to take back roads or the highways? Highways as much as possible, but if I’m stuck in traffic and if it looks like I wouldn’t be able to get to my destination on time then I ask Waze to guide me through backroads.

How do you spell your name without consonants? Rbyn or Rbn, depending on what you consider y to be.

What's the last movie you watched? Uhhh it was still That Thing Called Tadhana but it’s been a while. I mainly watch a Korean drama titled Start Up these days.

What would you like your generation to change? The people society votes into office. Young Americans seem to be leading the charge on this front, which is so so great. Meanwhile in my country Manny Pacquiao is planning for his 2022 presidential campaign and we are once again fucked because voter’s literacy is so fucking low that I actually see a possibility of him winning. Migrating has never sounded more attractive.

Do you use your cell phone a lot? Yeah, it’s beside me with the screen turned on nearly the entire day.

When's the last time you saw an ocean wave? Not sure about an ocean wave, but the last time I saw a wave in general (we were at a beach) was August 2019.

How long can you hold your breath? Maybe a minute max? I haven’t had to try in a while.

Would you rather work behind the scenes or be the star? Behind the scenes. I loathe the spotlight and I’ve never been the performing type, and I always hated it whenever I’ve had to perform in school or for a family function. It’s also why, as fun as hosting looks like as a career, and as much as I know I would’ve been decent in it if I tried, it was just ultimately never the path for me.

Are you a sore loser? Yeah, I hate it. I’m competitive to the bone, which personally sucks too because it’s hard for me to enjoy games lol. I make it easier for the playing crowd by just watching at the sidelines so that I don’t ruin things for them.

When's the last time you used a pair of scissors? Yesterday when I was doing embroidery.

What was the last word you thought? I mean...’embroidery,’ I guess, since I typed it last before reading this question.

Is it easy to make you angry? It takes me a while to explode.

Have you wondered if other people wonder what you’re thinking? No.

Do you sing a lot? When I’m alone and am certain no one can hear, yes.

Do you think you have an addictive personality? Uh no, not really. I like keeping a certain distance with everyone I interact with. As nice as I can be, I try to make sure my personality isn’t the type that would ~leave people wanting more~ so to speak.

Which affects us more: our genes or the environment in which we're raised? For me, it’s the environment. Genes are strong too, but they’re already there; they’re given, they’re constant, they’re wired into each person. The fact that people can still be constantly affected depending on what kind of situation they’re in says much about the capabilities of being raised in a certain environment. For instance, I know for sure I would’ve ended up being more emotionally stable if I was provided with a healthier, gentler upbringing.

Why do you believe that? Oops, I may have already answered it above.

Honestly, do you enjoy arguing? Nah. Watching others do it can be fun, but I avoid them myself.

Do you prefer to use tape or glue? Tape. More secure.

Do you see routine as a comfort or a rut? Comfort. I do like bursts of spontaneity every now and then, though.

When's the last time you cried? Last night. I wanted to this morning, but I already did so much heavy crying last night that I just gave myself a break today.

Do you believe that love can get you through anything? No. I know that now.

What do you wish you had more of? Money is always a good answer. Also, weekends.

If you HAD to change one thing about your best friend, what would it be? I wish Angela lived nearer, so that it’s easier to visit. I wish Gabie wasn’t so selfish.

Have you ever gone to sleep mad? It’s harder that way, lol. But I mean yeah I guess I’ve felt angry while trying to go to bed; it’s just that I usually use certain outlets so that I could calm down and fall asleep more easily.

Do you like your computer? I love it. Even though it’s an older Macbook Air I have no plans to replace it; it’s still so low-maintenance and reliable after all this time.

Which theory do you wish but perhaps not believe was true about afterlife? This is a good question and something I always wish was verbalized more. For me, it’s the idea of reuniting with all your deceased family, friends, and pets in death. That has always given me comfort, but I don’t necessarily cling to it.

Is there anyone that you truly could not live without? I can think of one such person, but we’ll see if it holds true.

#survey #surveys

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s-j-ace · 4 years

Text

The Same Question

Chapter Three

Characters: Shuichi Saihara, Ouma Kokichi

Words: 3360

Summary:

After Detective Shuichi Saihara encounters mysterious thief Kokichi Ouma for the first time, a game of cat and mouse ensues as both men ask themselves the same question. Why exactly does the elusive phantom thief do what he does?

This is Chapter Three, Here are Chapters One and Two

Read on AO3

[Log of Text Messages from Kaede Akamatsu’s Cellular Device]

From: Me

Hey Shuichi! How's it going? I haven't heard from you in a while. I keep forgetting I'm a human person and not a piano machine while I'm on this tour lol.

From: Shuichi! :D

Hi Kaede! I'm sorry! I forgot to check in on how your tour is going, probably because I've been kind of busy myself. How are you?

From: Me

No need to apologize silly

I'm doing ok

Just craving human interaction that isn't a graceful hand shake or an approving nod rn

Hey if you've been busy that means you're working another case, right?

From: Shuichi! :D

Haha yeah I guess.

Or at least I'm trying.

From: Me

👀

You wanna talk about it or is this one still top secret?

From: Shuichi! :D

Well

I guess there's no client or victim to protect with this one

And there's nothing really stopping me from talking about it

But it's not that interesting to be honest.

From: Me

You're talking to a girl who is on her phone rn to avoid playing hoity toity with a bunch of rich people who like dressing up fancy more than they actually appreciate music :///

Anything is an improvement tbh

From: Shuichi! :D

Haha ok

Well

So like I've been tracking some thieves for a while now.

From: Me

Oooh is this like the Novoselic case?

From: Shuichi! :D

No it's more like a series of robberies than one big robbery.

From: Me

The intrigue,,, 😲😲🤔🤔

From: Shuichi! :D

Anyway it's just a group of thieves

They just robbed this casino and it's a little frustrating

Because I looked at the security tapes and they just kind of…

Walked in…

And the thing about these guys is that they all dress up like clowns

So like it’s literally just eight clowns on the security tape coming in and picking things up and leaving and there’s other people in these videos but no one even looks at them twice????

From: Me

Ffff that’s pretty funny…

From: Shuichi! :D

Hmm.. I’d probably have found it more funny if the owner of the casino hadn’t been crying and shaking me while I watched it. They dropped one of the chandeliers on his car or something.

From: Me

What??? Chandeliers????

From: Shuichi! :D

Yeah, the boss clown dangled these chandeliers off the side of the roof to distract me while these rare videogames were being stolen. Then he broke them when he thought his crew could get away.

From: Me

How is that not interesting??? That’s super intense Shuichi!! It makes me want to play movement three of Moonlight Sonata...

From: Shuichi! :D

Is that the really fast one

From: Me

Yes!!! :DDD

I’ll make a melomaniac of you yet!

From: Shuichi! :D

Does this mean you’ll stop making fun of me for getting a C in music appreciation senior year

From: Me

Oh yeah the real reason we broke up lol

From Shuichi! :D

Haha yeah.

Uh, anyway. With the thieves.

I know they're going to land in Cairo in a few days but I don't know what they're stealing.

From: Me

Hey! Rantarou's going to Cairo tomorrow!

You want me to see if I can get you a ride on his jet?

From: Shuichi! :D

Oh no you don't have to do that

From: Me

Yeah, but I'm going to

Unless you really don't want me to but I think that you do so...

From: Shuichi! :D

I dunno

That would be very nice

I'm a little low on a travel budget and I'm in Reno Nevada right now

From: Me

Oh huh where's that

From: Shuichi! :D

In America, like eleven hours away from where you are

From: Me

So? Rantarou's a trust fund baby he could afford the detour

From: Shuichi! :D

Yeah but also like

I'm pretty sure he hates me?

From: Me

Whaaaaat

Rantarou doesn't hate you

Last time you saw him you literally helped him track down all twelve of his missing sisters

From: Shuichi! :D

Yeah but I just get the vibe that he doesn't like me

From: Me

Shuichi you have social anxiety

---

From: Me

Hey you don't hate my friend Shuichi do you

From: Avocado Hair

Hmmm…

I don’t want to be mean

From: Me

Yeah you don’t >:/

From: Avocado Hair

But I thought he was a little suspicious when I first met him…

Don’t get me wrong, Shuichi’s nice and seems reliable enough

But also he’s your ex and I don’t trust exes of my friends just on principle

From: Me

...

From: Avocado Hair

Listen obviously I think Shuichi is cool now

But also it was kind of sus when he was just creeping around your shows without introducing himself…

From: Me

I invited him to those! >>:0000

From: Avocado Hair

Yeah, I know that now

He’s a nice guy alright? Really, I do owe him one

Or twelve hah

From: Me

Great! You’re picking him up from Nevada tomorrow

From: Avocado Hair

I'm doing what now

From: Me

From: Avocado Hair

So Nevada, huh?

---

From: Shuichi! :D

Yeah but also sometimes I'm right when I think people hate me

Having social anxiety does not make that not true

From: Me

I set everything up :)) he says you're a cool guy and he'll call you when he lands in Reno

From: Shuichi! :D

That's very nice of him

From: Me

Shuichi Rantarou owes you like 12 life debts

From: Shuichi

Finding missing persons is my job, it’s hardly something to owe a life over

From: Me

Shuichi it was 12 missing persons

My mans Avocado lost track of twelve whole sisters and you found all of them and now you think he's capable of hate??? smh 😔

From: Shuichi! :D

I'm sorry okay?

From: Me

You don’t need to be!!!

---

Shuichi Saihara found himself, one week after the heist in Reno, on practically the other side of the world. He was blending in with the scattered crowd of tourists circling around the new exhibit at The Museum of Egyptian Antiquities in Cairo, Egypt. As he looked into the wide-eyed, gilden face of a newly dug up sarcophagus, Shuichi struggled to convince himself that this wasn’t a complete waste of time. Interpol and the Boulaq Police Department certainly seemed to think it was...

Back in Paris, Interpol hadn’t ended up giving Shuichi access to DICE’s next encrypted letter of intent. Instead, after Shuichi gave his testimony to the Paris Police and the investigation was essentially wrapped up, it seemed like Agent Kiyotaka Ishimaru decided to make an appearance just to have the pleasure of yelling at Shuichi about how many protocols he would've just broken if he were actually beholden to the employment of any law enforcement agency.

… okay that wasn't a fair characterization of Agent Ishimaru. He was a nice enough guy. He just wasn't as disillusioned with the authoritarian reality of national militias given power by systems of government forged when people still thought eating your own vomit cured smallpox. One time he gave Shuichi a juice box, and some cookies his husband made, before chewing him out, so that was pretty nice. Although maybe that was only because Shuichi had just gotten lightly stabbed by an internationally wanted drug dealer…

Regardless, Agent Ishimaru was far from pleased that Shuichi was “performing acts of covert vigilantism again,” despite the fact that Shuichi had absolutely no idea DICE was even on the flight and therefore his reactionary investigation didn’t include anything illegal, such as stalking, that would be classified as unlawful vigilantism without the backing of the appropriate law enforcement agencies.

When Agent Ishimaru was done giving a speech about Shuichi’s naivete, he ordered him to get off the case. Luckily for Shuichi the Paris Police thought he was with interpol because of this exchange, and they let him look at security tapes and flight records from the two closest airports. He’d been able to deduce their arrival at Reno, but wasn’t able to figure out what DICE’s mark would be until the heist was already under way. He’d just barely been able to stop them from stealing every single vintage game console from the Silver Legacy Resort.

After looking at tapes from the Reno-Tahoe International airport too, Shuichi had been able to deduce DICE’s next destination was Egypt, but Egypt was a country and had a lot more national landmarks than Nevada did and honestly Shuichi didn’t even know where to start looking for possible burgleables. Rantarou, a friend of Kaede's who was nice enough to give Shuichi a ride to Cairo, had asked him to check out the Museum of Egyptian Antiquities first.

Apparently Rantarou's family could trace parts of their bloodline back to old money European families which had partaken in the awful rich people trend of the 16th century where they would just rob graves in Egypt and eat parts of mummies. As a result, they had a bunch of artifacts that didn't belong to them, so Rantarou often made trips to Egypt to return as many as he could. Right now a lot of those artifacts were getting packaged to be shipped to the Grand Egyptian Museum in Giza, because the Museum of Egyptian Antiquities was due to be superseded by it next year. He was off somewhere mixing with Museum staff while Shuichi took stock of all the possible entrances around the exhibit.

The museum was rather crowded, and as a couple walked up behind him, Shuichi suddenly felt that he was very obviously blocking the view of the sarcophagus display he was in front of. He muttered an apology and moved away, turning around to look at a vase closer to the corner rather than the center of the room. Like most of the artifacts on display it was in a glass case, which Shuichi had noticed seemed to be of the make and model of the kind rigged up to a silent alarm system of some sort. If the cases were opened, the guards in the security booth near the front of the museum would most likely be notified. Although, the exhibit pieces in the cases themselves didn’t seem of much note to Shuichi. There were, of course, priceless artifacts held up on stands or splayed out on ornately embroidered mini-rugs inside the cases, but none of it quite seemed to fit DICE’s MO. Maybe he could look into the other exhi...bits….

Shuichi’s train of thought trailed off as he noticed that on the other side of the vase he was looking at stood a young woman in a headscarf who he could tell was giving him a weird look.

Shuichi’s inner voice made a noise that would have sounded like, “Hghhhhhh” if he were speaking out loud.

Was he in front of something again? Did he have something on his face?

Okay maybe she wasn’t looking at him and he was just being weird.

His gaze flitted up to momentarily take in the heavily makeuped face and he instantly found himself locking eyes with the very familiar dark purple irises of a complete stranger.

Shuichi did a double take as he realized that this was not, in fact, a young woman.

Wait, did he really know that? Maybe he had just assumed the thief was a guy. Shuichi squinted. How do you ask an internationally wanted thief their pronouns?

“What pronouns do you use?” Ah okay, like that. Thanks for nothing internal filter.

“His majesty/His imperial highness,” The thief replied automatically as if he already knew what Shuichi was going to ask them and had remarks prepared. “Rat/rat bastard are also acceptable.”

Shuichi took that to mean that the thief wouldn’t be offended if he referred to him with masculine terms. Ugh, wait what where was his head at right now?

Shuichi began to maneuver around the vase to apprehend him, but as he moved the thief moved at the same time, so it ended up looking like they were playing ring around the rosey with the vase display.

Shuichi stopped. The thief stopped too.

He started going around the other direction. So did he.

They stopped again.

While maintaining eye contact, Shuichi attempted to discreetly move his hand into his pocket so that he could text Rantarou that a robbery was definitely happening right now. He had gotten pretty good at typing on his phone without looking, but as he slipped his hands in his pocket the thief’s eyes followed.

If he considered that Shuichi might have been reaching for a weapon, he sure didn’t look it. The man’s posture was relaxed and as he watched the grin on his face widened impossibly.

“Is that a phone in your pocket that you’re using to discreetly notify the authorities of my presence, or are you just happy to see me?”

Uh.

Shuichi sent the text -- he had managed to type out a simple “HELP” to his most recent contact, which was probably Rantarou -- and quickly pulled his hands out of his pocket. He maneuvered them instead into a placating gesture, glancing around at the trickle of visitors wandering through the exhibits around them.

“I… Don’t want to cause any unnecessary alarm…” Shuichi started to say as he tried to think of any way to de-escalate this conversation.

“Oh, trust me,” The thief began in an earnest tone that Shuichi definitely knew not to trust. “Neither do I.”

Suddenly, the glass case lifted up and Shuichi realized the thief had somehow managed to pick the display case lock during their impromptu round of ring around the rosey. Which hopefully set off an alarm of some sort?

Yet as Shuichi glanced around he couldn’t spot any form of security in between tourists, none of whom seemed to see what was happening. Or maybe it didn’t register as suspicious to them?

It certainly registered suspicious to Shuichi, who was now looking directly at the thief’s heavily makeuped face. He didn’t look anything like the first time Shuichi saw him, except for the facial expression that seemed to indicate he could just decide to pull out a knife or jump off an airplane at any moment. Shuichi had only a moment to connect this expression to that of the black and white cat that kept knocking over the potted plants on Kaito and Maki’s balcony before the thief’s hand was raised and already coming down on the ancient vase. The priceless artifact took a nosedive off its display pedestal, and Shuichi dove to catch it.

Thankfully, Shuichi managed to grab the vase out of the air in the nick of time, just careful enough to prevent it from shattering into a million pieces on the floor. Not so thankfully, Shuichi was the one who fell on the floor instead. He hit the ground, but hey! At least the vase was fine! Then again the natural oils on his hands probably weren’t especially helpful in the grand scheme of the artifact’s preservation…

Shuichi moved to stand up, but froze as he realized that every eye on the room was on him.

Uh. Okay. Time to. Not. Freak out about that. Yep.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit they were all looking at him what if they thought he was-

Wait. Where did DICE go?

Shuichi heard a loud, sharp sound, and turned instinctively. He found that the thief had stepped behind him at some point, and had backed up to blend in with the rest of the crowd. As the sharp sound repeated, Shuichi came to the realization that the thief masquerading as a young girl had clapped. And now the man behind him was clapping to, and the woman behind him, and the lady behind her and almost instantaneously Shuichi came to the realization that the whole room was clapping, and that it was a distraction. As the clapping continued, the thief stood still as curious museumgoers pushed forward in the crowd to figure out what was going on in this corner of the display.

The thief was disappearing from view. Now was his chance.

In the brief instant Shuichi and the thief locked eyes, the detective saw his challenge. That it was not only a challenge, but a question.

Will you drop everything to chase after me?

He had to make the decision now.

Shuichi chose to stand up to his full height and turned to place the vase safely back into the display case, closing it back up.

He wouldn’t make the same mistake he made in Reno, chasing after the man whose face he knew rather than keeping in mind the nine other just as capable operatives. He was starting to learn that DICE always seemed to take two steps ahead, and that if Shuichi wanted to do something it was most likely something that would benefit their plans. So he resisted the single-minded urge to chase the thief in to instead take the preventative measure of scanning the nearby displays for anyone trying to take advantage of the distracted crowd.

He didn’t even watch as the thief disappeared into the crowd, and instead pulled out his phone.

Rantarou had replied very helpfully to his “HELP” text with a carefully chosen one word reply.

---

[Log of Text Messages from Shuichi Saihara’s Cellular Device]

From: Rantarou Amami

What

From: Me

Sorry

Don’t panic

But I am fairly certain that this museum has just been robbed

From: Rantarou Amami

...

what

From: Me

It’s a lot to explain

From: Rantarou Amami

Just call me

You were in a call with Rantarou Amami that lasted 38:56.04

From: Rantarou Amami

Hey is that interpol guy done yelling at you yet

From: Me

Oh geez

Did you hear all that?

From: Rantarou Amami

I mean like

I got the gist of it

And the gist of it seemed to be

“Shuichi! Stop being such a good detective! You’re making me look bad!”

From: Me

Oh haha

I guess that was something along the general theme

I’m not really a better detective than him though

He’s just the kind of guy whose like

RULES NEED TO BE FOLLOWED BECAUSE I DO NOT QUESTION AUTHORITY

But also I think his husband is like in a biker gang or something

From: Rantarou Amami

Come on Shuichi give yourself some more credit there

If you’re not a good detective that means that at best I’m an awful one

You found twelve missing people in one week who I had been searching for for five years

Also you literally just stopped a museum robbery

From: Me

Oh, sorry I don’t mean to be like weirdly self deprecating

But also I would contest the fact that I stopped a museum robbery with the evidence of the fact that the museum definitely still got robbed

From: Rantarou Amami

Yeah but like

The only part of the museum that didn’t get the carpets stolen from it was the room you were in

Which literally had the most valuable rug in the whole building in it

Like seriously even the carpet built into the floor of the gift shop was stolen

Also you saved that vase

One of the anthropologists here almost cried when he saw that girl push it over in the tape

From: Me

That is weird isn’t it

I think the rug being an actual exhibit might’ve been why DICE didn’t go for it

That’s not their typical MO

From: Rantarou Amami

Wow… that compliment dodge tho…

From: Me

Sorry

From: Rantarou Amami

You’re good man

Hey do you need a ride back to the hotel

Shuichi?

Hello?

…

From: Me

Oh sorry, I was doing some research

I can get back to the hotel on my own

From: Rantarou Amami

Ok, cool

From: Rantarou Amami

Hey just checking in again, did you get back to your room okay?

From: Me

Oh, yes I’m here

Actually I was just about to text you too

I’m sorry to ask so much of you Amami

But could you possibly drop me off in Taipei on your way home tomorrow?

#shuichi x kokichi #shuichi saihara #shuichi danganronpa #kokichi ouma #kokichi danganronpa #oumasai #saiouma #fanfiction #Phantom Thief AU #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #danganronpa #writing #This is later than I said I would post it but I know most people read these at 2 am anyway

25 notes · View notes

fluidsf · 3 years

Photo

A Polar Visions / Polar Visions Amplitude review of -

Francisco López - a bunch of stuff (1980-2020)

Release date - July 2020

Reviewed format - Francisco López self-released (under the Nowhere Worldwide banner) USB business card, as kindly sent to me as a review copy by Francisco López

Note - you can purchase this release in digital format directly from Francisco López' Bandcamp page here: https://franciscolopez.bandcamp.com/album/a-bunch-of-stuff-1980-2020-40-years-of-sonogenic-composition

Welcome to the first review on Fluid Sonic Fluctuations review in 2021! Today I’m discussing Francisco López’s very large multi-part anniversary compilation a bunch of stuff (1980-2020) which was self-released by Francisco both as a neat USB business card and later reissued as download through Bandcamp in 2020. With this compilation Francisco is celebrating the 40 years he’s been creating immersive sonic compositions in the experimental and underground music scene, practicing his own coined way of sonogenic composition. a bunch of stuff (1980-2020) presents an excellent thematic overview of Francisco López’ discography through a large number of excerpts from his ever-growing universe of untitled compositions as well as titled pieces. The excerpts are organised into 15 parts which Francisco has tagged with his own invented genre names, which both point at his own personal sound philosophy but also have a subtle comic touch to them. Besides the excerpts, Francisco has also included several full-length (as well as almost full-length) as well as rare, unreleased and at the time of the original release still unreleased compositions making the compilations a great mixture of both showcase and rarities compilation. Whilst Francisco’s full-length compositions are often quite expansive in length making them suitable for a full-on immersion in the sonic universe created, the way every chronologically ordered part of a bunch of stuff (1980-2020) flows makes for a different yet equally intriguing and immersive listening experience with creative usage of both fades and hard cuts connecting the tracks together making every part that the full 12 hours worth of listening this compilation consists of a very rewarding listening experience. Francisco’s philosophy on both listening itself as well as his way of composing always originates first and foremost from the experience of listening in a very immersive sense which goes beyond source recognition or surface-level emotions but is very much settled in immersion within the sound world itself leaving the often cathartic, subconscious effects to the listeners themselves to feel and thereby completing the composition. Francisco himself reminds us of his philosophy but also shares some new insights on 40 years of sonogenic compositions in this mini-interview I did with him over email:

Orlando Laman - Over the last 40 years you've released a large number of your compositions, the selection on a bunch of stuff (1980-2020) is organized using your own invented genres. Regarding bringing together selections of compositions as collections through series (like recently, Two Head Snake) or by listeners themselves discovering certain connections between releases, how do you view your full collection of works as a whole, especially in the way all this shaped sonic matter is forming a sonic universe completed by the listener?

Francisco López - Well, as a whole I guess I see it as my way of having a more meaningful and richer interaction with the world. Not through representation (as in canonical so-called 'field recordings') but rather through penetration into sonic matter and its ontology.

OL - From listening to your compositions and interviews with you it's clear that most of the time you create compositions without planning things ahead, creating a system or trying to execute creative ideas through manipulated sound matter. It's a matter of composition that is both improvisatory based on the sounds themselves yet also very refined and perfectionist, which makes the compositions feel very natural but also unpredictable in captivating ways.

FL - This is what I call 'sonogenic composition', i.e., a practice of creative work with sound (and listening) in which sound themselves lead the way; not merely as 'samples' of elements to be placed in a pre-existing structure / grid / idea, but a generators of structure, pace, dynamics, texture and anything else imaginable in a sonic work. That's why I dislike the term 'manipulation'; in this context, I'd rather use 'evolution', which describes more reliably what takes place in this process.

OL -The results are more important than the tools used, however one thing that intrigued me is your manipulation and usage of low to sub-bass frequency layers of sound within many of your compositions, even those from the early 1980s, with low to sub-bass frequency sounds being an area of sonic matter that falls somewhere between the audible and felt area of sound and its direction being hard for humans to discern, how do you view this field of sonic matter relating to your compositions? Is it an area of the spectrum which you intuitively often accentuate in compositions or is this area one which you've gotten used to working with overtime to fully utilize the audible (and inaudible) spectrum of sound we can hear from sub-bass to very high frequencies?

FL - I like rich music, in all imaginable senses. That naturally includes the frequency spectrum, both audible and sensible (we do a lot of our hearing haptically in the low and sub-low ranges). As I've learned to compose largely through an intensive and extensive listening interaction with the world, those low frequencies are a 'natural' part of my sonic palette.

OL - a bunch of stuff(1980-2020) features excerpts which are often quite a bit shorter than your full compositions and releases, your full releases often feature long single compositions or a collection of shorter compositions making up one full "untitled" album release, besides these you've also released a few released a few albums which span several hour up til a full day worth of listening. In the compilation context and with the albums featuring shorter compositions the whole listening experience flows in an intriguing manner at times, with some pieces having a hard cut at the end rather than a fade-out or silence, this can have the effect at times of sudden realization of the composition's finite state within the album. Additionally, releases that span multiple hours can have the effect of the listener's listening mode moving from a focussed listening to a state in between listening and the sounds seeping into the subconscious of the listener creating certain emotions or triggering memories, What is your approach in selecting compositions for the albums and compilation releases, taking into account the listener experience? And further zooming in on time disappearing from our perception as we're fully focussed on the sounds, especially when listening to your multi-hour releases, is there a difference in terms of creating these extended-length releases to your other albums and compilation, relating to the listening experience you present?

FL - I like to be compositionally free to work with time. Traditional limitations like the length of a record or a radio show shouldn't limit our adventures in creative listening. To me, mega-long compositions (i.e., 24-hour or longer, like some of my pieces) generate micro-worlds of sonic experience that suggest a different kind of listening -one that gets closer to a form of 'inhabiting sound', which is tremendously suggestive. Different people will approach such extensions in varied ways, but I believe they always generate an unusual and fruitful potential for a very different, interesting and appealing experience of sonic matter as space and as time.

Many thanks to Francisco López for sending over the physical release as well as answering these questions and sharing such inspiring insights. Before we dive into the analyses of the separate parts as well as thoughts on my favourites tracks on this compilation I’ll mention what you can expect from the physical version of a bunch of stuff (1980-2020). Like most of Francisco’s releases the focus is all on the music and immersive sonic experience itself, so the USB business card itself features quite minimalistic design combined with a lovely photo of fire however. The content of the USB business card itself is a liner notes PDF file as well as the full compilation with 15 folders making up all the parts. Every folder contains the tracks as lossless 16-bit/44.1kHz CD quality files. While the best listening experience of Francisco Lopez’ work is by going into the compositions with a fully clear mind without knowing in advance what to expect in terms of a description or listings of sources used, the liner notes file does list the sound sources for some some of the tracks although Francisco isn’t getting specific about what these exactly consist of so beside the credits and tracklist parts not spoiling anything these source details are still staying cryptic enough to not reveal the workings behind the magic of Francisco’s compositions. Let’s now dive into a bunch of stuff (1980-2020).

a bunch of stuff (1980-2020) starts with first part All In. All In features a collection of pieces that mix various compositional approaches López takes together, with the All In being appropriate as “maximalist” pieces in terms of density of the sound matter or layering. In terms of sound matter I spotted bird and cicadas but there are also some “hidden” melodies in some of these pieces, either through certain resonances within the sound layers used or as series of tones that peek through the textures. López’ signature very low sub bass frequencies (also mentioned in my mini-interview and subtle glitches also appear within these pieces. In my favourite track 2012 - With_In [excerpt] López brings us an eerie tapestry of mysterious swirling resonant wheezing sound that flutters left and right, makes percussive shifting clicks to the left and right side and appears as this cloud of shaky sonic matter we are floating in ourselves. The perspective shifts from within (no pun intended) the sound matter to looking at this matter from a distance but the general experience is definitely very much grounded within the sound itself. The aforementioned hidden melodies appear in this piece too, in the form of hollow resonant diffuse tones that add this mysterious ambience of uncertainty to the emotional situation that might arise from our being in this environment. Whilst quick shifts do occur in some of Francisco’s compositions, the gradual continuous nature of this piece definitely helps the subtle shifting of focus within the layers of sounds as well letting the sonic matter work onto your mind in a certain meditative state. Delusional Cinematic follows, which features chopped up, at times quite abrasive collage like compositions of various sound matter including environmental sounds, movie sounds and music fragments. At times the compositions are stylistically comparable to Noise in their uncompromising more harsher edged nature. The pieces also feature rather clever transitions making for listening experiences that are as captivating as films or TV series themselves but in this case the imagery is purely mind-created.The strengths of my favourite track 2017 - untitled #360 [excerpt] are both in the silent brooding atmosphere of the composition within this longer 10:27 minutes excerpt and the way it progresses from one situation to the other. Starting from this eerie minimalist situation featuring quite a lot of shifting, rustling and clicking high pitched sonic matter there is something quite eerie about the idle space in between the sounds which creates a bit of a vacuum effect within the space and the at times wildly varying spectra and panning of the sounds themselves makes for quite some disjointed bits and pieces being scattered around this space as well, feels quite like being in a medieval village whilst sounds appear and disappear out of nowhere. In its second phase the piece moves into a battlefield of wild low frequency laden combat, helicopter whirling, a lot of (gun)shots and a further brooding mass of low frequency rumbling following up the first phase’s more resonant metallic waves of lower pitched sound. The transition from the battle to the dive underwater in which the battle can still be heard but in a more muffled state is one of my favourite aspects from this piece as it does add such a natural flow to the aural narrative this conjures up in my mind. I’d say this piece does mix Francisco’s more purely textural qualities with an inspired sense of rapid-cut composition making this one of his pieces which you can listen to through filtering and diving into its layers as well as letting your mind make up its own story through the progression from phase to phase within the composition. The next part Drone World features Drone pieces in the sense of especially hypnotic high frequency streams of sound, rhythmic sounding environmental sound matter as well as low bass frequencies and resonances. My favourite piece on this part is 1992 - Hypogeion [excerpt]. The piece is noticeably quite a bit louder than the other compositions before it on this part and whilst Francisco is clearly not trying to make a composition in a traditional manner this piece stylistically does remind me of 90’s Tribal Ambient, albeit in a more improvised manner. Featuring an array of highly resonant and bassy mallet tones as well as reverberant tribal style percussion the except of this piece showcases a particularly intense part of the composition moving into a more laid-back sustained phase. Somewhere in between mysterious factory and Egyptian pyramid sonics it features some excellent mixtures of dense tonal layers blending into each other with the overtones creating diffuse and at times dissonant interactions of sound. The percussive elements are quite high pitched throughout with quite some crystal like sounds flowing throughout the sonic space like grains of silver but overall the layers of sound flow much more like rippling shuddering waves that are often shifting from interlocking to interfering creating that always captivating element of mystery within Francisco López’ compositions. Afterwards in the Lo-Fi Broad-Band Tape Noiselationism part we have Noise oriented pieces made up of collages of sound matter of an Industrial and more organic nature as well as AM radio sourced sounds in compositions that feature some sweet droning and rhythmic sub bass frequencies. The pieces are more minimalist in terms of composition but equally captivating and showcase the more extreme side of López oldest works. My favourite track 1983 - untitled (1983) [excerpt] features most of the aforementioned elements. It’s a raw, lo-fi composition made up of various layers of electronic signals broadcast over shortwave radio with its beginning being the most recognisable in terms of source. However as always with Francisco’s compositions, the immersive experience is much more important than trying to further analyze what the actual sounds are and in this case it’s a particularly physical listening experience. The sound is grainy and often artefact laden, filled with hiss and sharp frequencies and in this fragment there is some kind of pattern of tones recognisable within its first half, as a whole however it sounds more like flying through an electric interference laden sky in which bits of metal are swirling around you in this cloud of disturbance and interference. Unlike some of the other 1980s composition excerpts on this compilation however this piece features a few hard cuts and changes to different clouds of fragile sound. Whilst being a continuous stream of hissy sound matter the piece eventually breaks up into shards of sharp irregular shaped sound movements until the fade-out. It’s definitely quite noisy in a way but I feel it’s also quite organic as all of Francisco’s works are, the sounds flow as freely as nature does and never feel artificial compared to what generally is considered as natural sounds. Following part Medium With No Message moves through various types of recording and playback medium based compositions both analogue and digital but actually does recall a lot of the crackling sounds and resonances from Francisco’s environmental sound matter based works as well. There is some recognisable glitch work in the last piece however but this again sounds more crystalline like than the at times clinical sounding works by other Glitch oriented artists. When we look at my favourite piece on this part 2002 - untitled #128 we find a piece that is minimalist in terms of its textural density. Quite like a breeze of wind subtly increasing in intensity, crackles, ticks, pops and other little grains of sound matter gradually build up a subtle rustling cloud of sound accompanied by mysterious tonal elements. Just like the diffuse spectrum of a light shower combined with how you can sense a lot of details in these sounds within quieter environments this piece offers a lot of depth, ever-changing bits of sounds within the subtly intertwined layers as the fluid qualities of the sound grip your ears and mind in a both intriguing and enjoyable manner. In the following part Mutated Locations we can find pieces based on environmental sound matter which are evolved into repeating rhythms, strange resonances as well as eerie and metallic layers of sound. The first few pieces carry Francisco’s darker Industrial like sonic approach to composition whilst pieces later on within the track list have a lighter (cleaner) sound and utilise the sub bass frequencies in a more intense manner as well as featuring less audible techniques of evolving sound matter. Whilst Francisco’s compositions aren’t really dark, I do often get a pretty eerie feeling from some pieces which I do like a lot and the more directly hitting approach of some of the compositions works better than the forced subtlety that some other sound artists would try to keep within their compositions. In my favourite track on this part, 2014 - untitled #321 [excerpt] we have a rather gripping flow of events. Just like the other tracks surrounding this one there’s quite a lot of depth in this piece and the imagery conjured up in my mind by this composition also particularly feels like looking at this sonic environment from above. As I felt this piece, it’s like a mass of clattering and shifting sounds as well as rather high pitched details quickly increasing in intensity as the layers demand more and more attention culminating into some particularly spooking train whistle like tones which keep hanging in the air at the end of this except until fade-out. The whole track feels quite like exploring one of these areas in which unused train carriages are stored, some of which rusting and degrading away until we’re suddenly transported to a used railway in which a brownish grey transport train is just about heading our way. Then on the following part Nice Noise we indeed have a collection of Noise styled compositions by Francisco which ranges from early metallic sound matter collages forming streams of layered Noise to more glitchy and granulated sounds in later tracks, cleaner hissy sounds with the last track blending these elements together in a similar way like pieces on the All In part. This last track, 2020 - untitled #380 [except] is also my favourite piece from this part. With Francisco combining various approaches from the 4 decades he is active by now within this piece he also created a very captivating mysterious sonic environment within this piece which is less abstract than other pieces but makes for a very unique listening experience with its combination of environmental sounds and brooding hypnotic tones. It’s quite like this dream about a cold dark forest you find yourself in which is “breathing” as one entity, with the animals providing soundtracks to this process of breathing through the hissy and hollow sounds they produce, the strange low thumps at the end, further thicken the surreal plot of this sonic story. Non-Representational Environmental Sound Matter is the part that follows and is in a way similar to Mutated Locations in terms of selection but inverts the compositional approach by showcasing Francisco’s environmental sound matter pieces with less extreme evolution within the sound matter itself but instead use some great layering, unpredictable structures and amplification creating immersive listening experiences in which some sounds are still recognizable at times but form elements within newly composed environments that are like the title says different from just reality. The excerpts on this part are also longer and feature more gradual progressions within which makes for more meditative like listening experiences as you shift your focus through the various layers within. My favourite piece in here is 2011 - Hyper-Rainforest [except]. It’s the longest excerpt Francisco has taken from any piece on this compilation but it’s also especially good that he’s selected a long part of it in the editing process as it’s a rather subtly enveloping composition. There’s a lot of sonic details of the rainforest you can pick up in this one, especially the many different animals within the rainforest, but also various other natural environmental sounds. One of the best things about the way this piece is composed however is the combination of shifting layers with an almost narrative like progression of sonic situations and directions, but all the while staying within the same sonic universe, giving us the ability to travel without moving, but in a different sense. I found it particularly enjoyable to shift through listening modes, at times spotting certain sounds, at other times taking in the effect of the entities within the sound matter and letting the fabric of each of this work on mind as well as sense of depth in the sonic space through listening. Indeed through the shifting layers you also start to sense the location of certain sounds within the depth of the piece as at times having a strangely reverberating acoustic distance to them whilst still sounding as being in the same sonic universe making for a quite magical listen. The progression of the piece towards the rain shower which abruptly ends into a sudden quiet section of soft chirping sounds adds a radio play like narrative element to the piece too as Francisco provides a bit of a frame for the behaviour of all sonic elements within the piece as certain changes that appear within this environment. It heightens the immersion too as not only do the changes make your part of the sonic universe, but they also point towards the deeper subconscious effects of streams of full spectrum sound matter like rain and the many layers of diffusion hidden around the centre of it. In the following part Sonic Seeds and Mega-Evolution Francisco utilises sonic seeds, which sound similar in approach to grains of sound to sculpt mostly unrecognisable sound matter into richly resonant, metallic and often glitchy forms. This part starts with an amalgamation of layers of sonic matter, after which the pieces grow ever more rhythmic and at times recognisably melodic in a way. The results of this sonic approach are somewhat similar to some pieces in the Nice Noise part but in this case the compositions are showcasing more of Francisco’s abstract Glitch like works, differing from his compositions grounded in environmental sonic matter but still bearing some similarities with the organic sound matter in terms of crackling clicks and the usage of high frequency sound. My favourite piece on this part is 2020 - untitled #383 [excerpt] and this one is a particularly glitchy composition. Following a nice gradual progression throughout this excerpt, the composition builds from a cloud of metallic crackles to a final section of glowing droning tones. All throughout we can dive into the various layers of clicky and mostly pointy sound matter that make up the framework of sonic actions that make up this composition feeling somewhere between machinery rhythms and liquid organic matter. The buzzing glitched “bass” tones make for a great ground of the framework, driving the composition forward with quite rumbling low frequencies which when combined with the glowing tones of the final section make for a quite intriguing combination of abstracted rhythmic sound and glowing diffuse sound combined within the same sonic universe. It does remind me a bit of Autechre as well in terms of approach, although in a less chaotic and more organic manner. Afterwards in the part Soundtracks With No Real Subservience we can listen to a selection of soundtrack pieces by Francisco, composed for various films, including art films and documentary. Moving from intense Noise like compositions towards less abrasive compositions featuring concrete and environmental sound matter, Francisco works with sounds within a more narrative type of fashion with the pace of the compositions being quicker and having more of an emotional edge to them. There’s also some more division in sections audible within these pieces as well as the darker qualities of environmental sound matter. In my favourite piece 2016 - Anima Ardens [excerpt] we are presented with another intriguing situation as the piece combines quite peaceful organic sound matter with layers of metallic clangs as well as a brooding diffuse tonal cloud hanging in the air. Quite like finding a mysterious wooden house which is also used as a metal workshop the juxtaposition also makes it feel quite like roaming around in the forest at night. The sharp swirls and clicking sounds, combined with the hollow tones and clangs instantly conjure up quite some magical imagery as these elements start to blend into each other as well as change or fade out whilst remaining a continuous flow of sound keeping its grip on you within the sonic universe. Next part The Ultra-Quiet, Not Conceptual features some of Francisco's quietest pieces. Indeed these are excerpts from his pieces that feature quite a lot of very quiet sound matter and silence moving from a hollow resonant flow of sound to soft rustling and clicks to some surprisingly intense sections of sub-bass frequencies in later pieces within this part. These sub-bass frequency section do also feature in my favourite piece on this part, 2013 - untitled #309 [excerpt] and in this case they’re accompanied by muffled mysterious drones that fade into soft-focus out of the silence. Like most pieces on this parts it’s a very subtle listening experience best listened to on good speakers, including a subwoofer or headphones with a good bass response to properly hear the subtle sonics Francisco builds up in her creep out of their corners. Afterwards on the next part VirtuAural Machines Francisco zooms in on his machinery based pieces. The part features a mixture of approaches to the sonic experience of machinery itself moving from relatively rough softly saturated Industrial like pieces to the usage of percussive mechanical elements to create hypnotic sonic framework as well as eerie sonic universes made up of huge halls filled with heavy clangs of equipment, siren like diffuse, distant tones and pointy and hissy sonics blending together into enveloping streams of sound around us. Whilst some of the sources on this part are at times recognisable in a way, there’s a lot of enjoyment to be had once again by the strange textural qualities of the sound matter as these entities in themselves have a particular enjoyable quality within them here, which is helped by the often spacious panning within the compositions. Favourite piece 1990 - Fango de Euriptéridos [excerpt] utilises the aforementioned spacious panning rather well and also amplifies another aspect of machinery in that it’s based a lot around shimmering tonal resonances reverberating through a large spaces rather than emphasising the (harsh) hissing and repetitive elements of machinery. It features various types of sonic actions but the general sonic focus is on this warm glowing mass of resonance that vibrates in certain ways as well, creating shifting droning tones that seem to make the floor vibrate as well. A quite “temple” like approach to an Industrial sonic universe. Following part Within The Noosphere features a rather different kind of compositions by Francisco in that most of these pieces are built up out of many layers of other music, which are evolved in various manners. Moving from pretty intense tape collages to tumbling Plunderphonics Metal barrages to the rather amusing wailing stretched tones of the old song sampled of a vinyl recorded on the last track it’s Francisco’s compositional work at its most structurally and sonically disruptive. Favourite piece 1994 - Concert for 300 Magnetic Tapes [excerpt] feels quite like a mountain landscape built out of many types of sonic matter. Most matter used within this piece is quite noisy, quirky and quite explosive too but the general fuzzy and crumbling nature of all these bits combined does still conjured up this curious imagery of a mountain landscape made up of sonic material. Recognisably musical and human sounds are at times still audible in between the cracks of the mass of sound, but in a subtle way. The following part Xeno-Instruments features a selection of Francisco’s “acoustic” pieces, in the sense that some of the compositions do feature acoustic musical instruments, at times without much audible post-production. The results are quite mysterious as can be expected from Francisco’s approach, feeling quite like the sound of the earth crust being broken open, sharp clouds of buzzing sonics, thundering percussion rhythms and wooden rumbles travelling through the room. Indeed most of the time it’s not even audible that there are actual acoustic instruments used, which is definitely the quality of Francisco’s work in that he consistently keeps evolving the sonic universes he conjures up and can find richness, “alien” new elements as well as captivating details though any method of composition and with any sound matter he finds making for a very solid but still diverse body of work. The aforementioned wooden rumbles feature in my favourite piece 2011 - untitled #275 [excerpt]. Built up out of rhythmic elements, low rumbles as well as diffused spooky tones the piece progresses in a subtle and deep manner. There’s this great metallic bell like clang that creates regular accents in the first half of this excerpt filling the room with rich resonance periodically. The rhythmically moving wooden elements form irregular patterns that do follow a certain scheme of sections in terms of there appearance and are spiky but also somewhat dampened in nature. Strangely reverberating tones almost form a diffuse melody in the second half which then moves into a brooding cloud of tonal sonic matter. It’s the kind of piece that feels somewhere in between your room starting to create its own sonic universe as well as the sonic picture of an abandoned wooden windmill’s mechanical sounds of past activity. Final part Yes, Humans features compositions that all feature recognisable human sounds or traces of these in various manners moving from amusing locally recorded environmental sound matter to layered children’s choir recordings and a further direction of ever more evolved and abstract sound matter culminating in one of Francisco's most recent compositions (from the last few years) on the final track. This final part quite nicely compiles Francisco's approaches in a way, as radio play like recordings moving in the ever more mysterious abstract and at times cinematic sonics of Francisco’s later works. My favourite track here is the rather short but sweet 1992 - Sofia [excerpt]. In nature is more straight-forward than other pieces on this part but I do find the juxtaposition and sounds themselves within this piece rather nice. It starts with a TV recording of some kind of Soviet TV commercial which sounds all cosy and sweet but afterwards cuts to this Russian Orthodox(?) church in which can hear chants. I especially do like this combination as the commercial seems to recall the memories of the Soviet Union in perhaps a bit overly rosy manner while the church sounds totally loose from anything that might conjure up bad memories and sounds much more peaceful in a way. The way you can hear Francisco walking around the church as well as all kinds of extra noises including a loud cough, footsteps and muffled talking adds to the amusing nature of this piece. The lo-fi nature of the recording also makes the chants themselves feel more like a cloud of tonal sonic matter as syllables get a bit drowned out in the recording. Francisco López’ a bunch of stuff (1980-2020) is an excellent compilation showcasing a great selection of Francisco’s rich discography of compositions which by now reach over 40 years. Full of immersive, uncompromising sonics this compilation is a rewarding listen for anyone who wants to get into Francisco’s music and wants to have a curated overview of his discography to get started diving into his full-length and shorter releases. There’s also some great material in this compilation for fans of Francisco who already have multiple of his releases as the rarer material and recent pieces offer some further sonic enjoyment and the compilation’s selection and sequencing also offers a new more mixtape style manner to enjoy Francisco’s compositions. It’s a recommended compilation for anyone who wants to get into Francisco López as well as fans of Noise, Sound Art, Tape based experimental music, Glitch as well as a uniquely personal approach to sound matter based experimental music, sonogenic composition. Definitely check this out.

You can order a copy of the physical USB business card edition here: https://www.blackhole.la/webshop/francisco-lpez-a-bunch-of-stuff-1980-2020?fbclid=IwAR3pcZfCIT-3Y7BR2M7AjTuph_3TWUm2ZHFjwmuNadir21X_imHnv9ODiZk

#polar visions amplitude #Polar Visions #compilation review #francisco lópez #a bunch of stuff (1980-2020)#mini-interview #noise #sonogenic composition #dark ambient #environmental sound matter #sound collage #plunderphonics #glitch #lowercase #immersive listening #eai #usb business card

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the-whole-long-stupid-story · 4 years

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Hypothetically Speaking

A M&M wedding fic - with picspam to follow 🍬

Okay, so this has turned into a CHAPTERED freakin’ debacle, because I need to do it justice and a one-shot didn’t allow me the head space /thinking and brainstorming I needed.

Here’s chapter 1, with chapter 2 hot on its tails. I’ll share the picspam at the end of this, so it makes more sense.

@adampascalfan thanks for the inspiration! This has now taken on a life its own - hope you enjoy it.

Marriage wasn’t a huge priority for him. He didn’t really think he and Maria needed to do the whole ‘spew-your-guts-out with a bunch of kissy kissy vows, proclaim undying love and seal it with a chaste kiss while wearing white’ type thing like Max and Liz had, because in his mind they had already been married for years. Although he’d only admitted openly to it recently, it had always been her. He had never had eyes for anyone else, Maria was the only girl for him and that’s the way it would always be. He didn’t need a piece of paper to declare to the world what he already knew to be true. And going on the amount of times people would mutter that they bickered like an old married couple, it seemed as though the rest of the world already knew they were bonded for life too.

But was it enough for Maria? He didn’t need the piece of paper, the pomp and ceremony - but did she? He was certain she knew how he felt about her, because he had made a habit of trying to tell her more often. Since that afternoon he left Roswell on his bike and told her he’d always love her, and ever since that evening when she’d chosen to leave with them - with him - he had made a point of letting her know how he felt about her. Not super regularly and certainly not in huge proclamations, it wasn’t his style. But during quiet moments together in the back of the van, or when she was nearly asleep in his arms, he’d whisper the words quietly against her ear, so she would never forget. He’d also made their fake IDs with matching surnames, something he hadn’t even done consciously. It just seemed natural to do so. He didn’t bother correcting strangers when they assumed that he and Maria were husband and wife, either. These were all just little gestures towards their unspoken commitment and he did them mostly without a second thought, but he also knew it culminated in ensuring that she knew exactly where he wanted her to be - with him.

But still he wondered - did she need a receipt for these actions? The paperwork?

His thoughts were answered one sunny Spring afternoon in May, when they were in California. They’d been careful, and they hadn’t managed to find anyone on their trail, so they had stopped in a small town north of LA for a few months or so to re-group and get some temporary work to keep the finances flowing. They had a small 3 bedder, which was better than the nookie motels they’d previously stayed in, but it still wasn’t 5 star living by any standard. Better than the van, though. Michael was ready to toss that load of junk in and find something a little more reliable, but so far he had to concede that it had done them proud. They’d changed its colour several times so it was less traceable - at the moment it was a lightish, mustardy yellow.

Across the road from the apartment was a park - a pretty decent size, with a playground for kids, and picnic areas, a pond and lots of trees. It’s where they usually went when they needed to discuss something in-depth that they didn’t want anyone in the apartment complex to overhear. But they also went there to relax in-between their temp work and errands. Michael and Kyle had just finished their shift helping a local mechanic with parts, and were making their way over to the park to find the girls. Max was back at the apartment, using their old clunky computer to check for any updates and research where they might head for next.

Michael could see the girls sitting in a bushy clearing near the pond, they all had ice creams and seemed pretty relaxed as they chatted and laughed. He smiled a little as Maria tossed her head back, laughing at something that the other two had said - he liked seeing his girl so happy. She was like sunshine, she made everything brighter. Warmer.

“Hey, I’m gonna grab a water. You want one?” Kyle asked, pointing over to a kiosk near the playground.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll meet you over there,” Michael said, nodding towards the girls.

They hadn’t seen him walking towards them, and they were continuing their conversation happily as he approached. They were sitting in a clearing near the pond, with shrubs and bushy trees surrounding them. He couldn’t fault their choice; they always had to be wary of who could see them or hear them, and he was pleased that they’d done so well at finding a secluded patch to hang out in.

“It definitely wasn’t something I was expecting, especially after what Future Max had told me we’d done in the other timeline with the wedding in Vegas,” Liz smiled at the girls as she recounted the tale of how Max had proposed the night before graduation. Michael slowed down a bit and hung back. They still hadn’t seen him, and he didn’t really want to interrupt her moment. “But I just knew it was the right thing, the best thing for us. I didn’t mind that we were so young.”

“I think it’s so romantic. Star crossed lovers,” Isabel mused. Michael rolled his eyes.

“Well you were pretty young yourself, Isabel” said Maria, nudging her lightly with her elbow. Michael leaned against a tree, just out of their sight in order to continue listening to their conversation. He didn’t want to barge into any girly chat, especially one that was about marriage. Next thing you know they’d be cooing at the prospect of babies, and he sure as hell didn’t want to be present for that conversation either.

“Yeah, you’re right. I guess when you know you know - age shouldn’t factor into it,” Isabel shrugged, taking a lick of her ice cream.

“Is that why you conducted your hypothetical survey on me at the Crashdown that day?” Maria smirked and raised an eyebrow.

“It wasn’t so much that I wasn’t sure about marrying Jesse. I loved him, I wanted to marry him. I was more concerned about everyone else, how they were going to react. I knew there would be push back…”

“They all came around eventually though,” said Liz kindly. “They all wanted to be part of your special day in the end.”

“Yeah,” Isabel smiled tightly. Convincing her parents, Max and Michael to give her their blessing had been hard. But she didn’t want to think about her wedding day for too long, it was too painful to recount. She switched the spotlight off her. “So…what about you Maria? That day at the Crashdown you dropped a handful of plates when I asked my hypothetical question about marriage. Still feel the same way?” Isabel raised her eyebrows expectantly at Maria, awaiting for an answer.

Michael’s eyes narrowed. He was pretty certain he knew which day Isabel was talking about, but he’d been distracted with his friends, devouring breakfast and sharing jokes after a long night shift at Meta Chem. He’d never thought to discuss it with Maria in more detail, thinking she had just accidentally dropped a bunch of plates in a rush. Now that he thought about it though, she never dropped plates.

“Wait…what exactly was this hypothetical question you asked?” Liz hadn’t witnessed their interaction and had never sought out a further explanation as to what had happened. Michael smirked, he was grateful Liz hadn’t been there either.

“Oh, Isabel asked me what I would say if Michael asked me to marry him,” laughed Maria. He froze. Isabel had what?! “And she didn’t mention it was hypothetical until after I dropped all the plates.”

All three girls giggled. Michael didn’t. What was so funny about that? Was the idea of marrying him so far beyond her - no, so terrifying to her, that she had forgotten all about fine motor function? He remembered when George at work had asked him if he would ever marry Maria, and although he assumed that the guys were expecting him to flip out at the question, he hadn’t. In fact, he’d properly considered it, for a few milliseconds at least, before he gave his answer. And it had been a truthful one - it was something he’d think about further down the track. He blinked. That had been nearly 3 years ago. Was ‘further down the track’ now? They were both only 20 years old, but they felt more like 40. They’d been on the run for nearly 2 years, and even before then they’d all grown up pretty quickly. So much for misspent youth.

Isabel snickered and continued. “Honestly, the look on your face. You were gobsmacked. But also - I remember there was something else there in your eyes too. Excitement?”

“Uhh, I’m not sure if that’s the word I’d use,” Maria smiled. “I’ve never had any huge desire to have a traditional white wedding - no offence. I guess it just comes with the territory of being raised in a broken home - my dad deserted my mom, his wife.” She shrugged. It wasn’t a big deal for her, she just wasn’t sure she believed in all the fuss of marriage. “I don’t exactly have a great track record when it comes to the men in my life sticking around long-term. Why tempt fate?”

“C’mon Maria, your dad - that was lousy. Unforgiveable. And yeah, Michael has done his fair share of running in the past, but you really think he’ll ever walk away from you again?” Liz grinned. “I know he’s not exactly your traditional marriage prospect, but you must have at least thought about it. You and Michael, surely one day you want to make it official?”

Michael held his breath, and bristled slightly. Good old Parker putting his girl on the spot. He suddenly felt tense. Did she really place him in the same category as her dad? Fearful he’d abandon her? Concerned that if they tied the knot, that they’d end up as just another statistic in the divorced column? Those times he’d walked away, he thought he’d made it clear it was for her own safety - her own protection. Never on a whim. And certainly not because he didn’t love her enough. Christ, it was the opposite of that - he’d even said it to her. Suddenly he didn’t want to stay and hear anymore of this. But he couldn’t pull himself away. He needed to know her answer.

“Well, I mean - does a piece of paper make true love official? I think there’s more to it than that,” she paused and looked at the other two women as she realised they might take that the wrong way. “I know there’s more to it than that for you guys too, I just… I don’t need a big white dress or an official ceremony to know that Michael and I are in it for the long haul. He stayed here for me, I left there for him,” she shrugged again. “One day sure, I’d love to have an intimate ceremony with him somewhere and make it official. It’d be great to do that in our own type of way. But I also kinda feel like the night we left after graduation was a ceremony in itself. It was a one-shot decision. Just like the night he was supposed to go home. Make a choice, and that was it. No turning back. I chose Michael.”

Michael released the breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding. Leaning against the tree, he closed his eyes for a second. He was taken aback by her honesty, and touched by her feelings towards him. It had been unspoken, they’d never really gone into detail on it. But she was right - had had stayed on earth for her, and when it was time to leave Roswell forever, she had left for him. She’d left everything for him. Despite all the crap he had put her through over the years, she had chosen him. They’d chosen each other over everything else - there wasn’t really anything bigger than that when it came to love. They didn’t need a ceremony with sappy vows to prove it.

Well, sometimes it’s nice to hear it out loud too though, you know.

Michael opened his eyes sharply and looked around. He had sworn he had heard that voice out loud. But there was no-one else around, no-one close by enough to be able to invade his thoughts. And though he didn’t want to fully admit to it, the voice had sounded pretty close to…

Alex. Yeah, good work Sherlock.

Michael shook his head a little. He must be dehydrated. Where was Kyle with that water? Instinctively he rubbed a hand down his cheek, feeling a tingling sensation on his face.

Just remember what I told you a few years back, Guerin. She’s not just some girl.

Get out of my head, he thought angrily, trying to shake the voice of Alex out of his brain. He knew she wasn’t just some girl. Hadn’t he already proven that countless times? She was his girl, and he was planning on keeping it that way. He wasn’t planning to leave her side, ever again. But a wave of fear washed over him. Did she doubt that, even a little bit? He looked down at his hands, they were trembling a little, and the sun through the trees glinted off the rings on his fingers as the shook. What the hell?

Prove it. She’s your girl. Make sure she knows it.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Kyle was approaching, holding out a bottle of water to him.

“Nothing, just…waiting for you. What took you so long?” He grabbed the water and opened it quickly, guzzling it down in the hopes of washing Alex’s voice away from inside his head.

“Big queue, lots of people here today,” Kyle glanced over to where the girls were sitting in the clearing and nodded in their direction. “You going over there?”

“Trust me, you do not want to go over there right now,” Michael said emphatically.

“Ohh,” Kyle breathed and furrowed his eyebrows. “Girl talk.”

“Yeah, listen - I need your help. Let’s go talk somewhere away from their kissy kissy conversation,” Michael muttered, taking all his might not to physically grab Kyle and drag him back to the apartment as quickly as possible. He had plans to make, and he needed all the help he could get.

#Michael x Maria #m&m #Michael x Maria wedding #Michael x Maria get hitched #Roswell #Roswell OG #Roswell 1999 #Maria Deluca #Michael Guerin #Roswell Fanfic #OTP: he stayed for her / she left for him

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agiospills · 4 years

Text

What I think about Selena Gomez’s last album.

Before I start sharing my opinion on Rare, I just wanted to say that this is my opinion as a LOCAL and not as someone who loves Selena. My reviews will be based on how I personally take the songs. Maybe it’s not what Selena meant with the lyrics but anyways. I’ve already heard the album, it’s not my first listening. I think there are a lot of things that need to be talked about. Be careful with the spoilers even though I don’t think I’ll spoil too much. Enjoy!

1. Rare

Rare is a cute song that talks about self-love and being confused about a love story and its consequences. I would definitely name it "Bad Liar’s little sister". It’s a great opening to the album. I personally do know that Selena is obsessed with the 80s and I get some Talking Heads vibes out of it. While concentrating on the song, I do think the lyrics are repetitive but if I don’t concentrate on it, I wouldn’t notice. This song did not suprised me, like I mentioned I think it’s a replica of Bad Liar. So there was nothing in the record that made me surprised. It’s definitely a 8/10.

2. Dance Again

Dance Again is about overcoming sadness and being happy again. It gives me some MAJOR Prince vibes. I like the disco and 80s vibes about it. Again, I think she could’ve got a lot deeper in the lyrics. When you know what Selena went through, I think she could’ve explored it more. I do think it should be the third single, I mean it’s definitely a song that makes you dance. I can see it being a radio hit. This song surprised a lot, I’ve never thought that Selena would and could explore the Disco genre. And I really love it. It’s a 9/10.

5. Ring

I’m so sorry for all the Ring stans out here. Bur what the fuck is this? I wanna say mean things about this record. I don’t think the album needed it even though I think it makes it more versatile. Again, I’m not a fan of the lyrics. But if there’s something about the song that caught my attention is Selena’s voice. She completely took a different tone and challenged her sound. I don’t want Selena to EVER make a song like this one. I really hate it. I don’t know about y’all, but I would rate it a 3/10.

6. Vulnerable

THIS IS WHAT I WANT! This is exactly what I want and need from Selena. First of all, thank you Jesus for these amazing lyrics. I needed it after listening to Dance Again and Ring. I love her soft voice, it makes the record so much better. I think the song is an amazing representation of wanting something that makes you bad. It’s literally my favorite track on the album, it tells a story and a story that I fully understand. BUT, I wish that she could’ve added a verse that makes the song more relatable for the outro. 10/10!

7. People You Know

Again, this is exactly what I want from Selena. I love the lyrics of the first parts. I don’t like how the song ended though. AGAIN, she could’ve ended the song with a different verse than the chorus that we just didn’t need. Thank God, the production saved that small detail that lowkey got on my nerves. I can also imagine it as a third single, I think the music video could be interesting. I just don’t want her to make the song something that we all know isn’t about, for example what she did with Fetish or Same Old Love. Again, it’s a perfect description of regretting a love that became toxic. I don’t know if the song talks about relationships or friendships. But I personally think it’s about a relationship, I take it that way. I love the record, 8.5/10!

8. Let Me Get Me

It’s gonna be a similar description to the ones I wrote for Vulnerable and People You Know. I don’t like how she finished the song, the production is perfect though. It’s a song that surprised me. And I love the pop-Middle Eastern vibes to it, the chorus is so CATCHY. It makes me want to get up and dance. I still think she stayed in her basic sound when it comes to the vocals. I can definitely feel what she is feeling while listening to the song, it radiates freedom and relief. I love it. 9/10!

10. Crowded Room (ft. 6LACK)

I love R&Bish Selena. I think her voice sounds so good, I love seeing my two words on a song together. 6LACK’s verse in the song was NEEDED. I can’t imagine the song without his part, and I love how Selena uses her head voice. I love the chorus because it reminds me of Me & U by Cassie, a fucking classic. I mean I’m so hypnotized by Selena and 6LACK’s voices that I don’t pay attention to the lyrics. For the hundredth time, I really want Selena to add high notes or something that makes me jump from my chair or whatever the fuck I’m sitting on. It’s a 9.5/10.

11. Kinda Crazy

It’s... cute? I mean I love the production, I think the producers did an amazing job with the song. It’s a not a reliable song to me, I mean I don’t have a lot of things to say about that song. I’ve heard it in 2016, and I’m hearing it again. What I think is interesting though is that it sounds like she’s talking about Charlie Puth’s weird obsession with her? Or maybe I’m being delusional lol? But yeah, please Selena get deeper into your lyrics, like come on... It’s a 6/10.

12. Fun

0/10. Please Selena, once but not twice.

13. Cut You Off

Not a fan of this song. I don’t think it’s a skip though, it’s interesting to listen to because the lyrics are reliable. But a-fucking-gain, the lyrics are not enough for me. I wanted something deeper, you’re talking about a love that drained you during 4 years. I don’t think it was needed on the album. But hey, it’s cute. It’s a 5/10.

14. A Sweeter Place (ft. Kid Cudi)

This song is definitely one of my favorite ones on the album. The first time I heard it, I cried. I think the production makes it cool and soft but it’s actually sad. It talks about Selena’s experience with almost dying and what it felt like to be almost dead. And I think she decribes it in a good way, because it really feels like that. I love Kid Cudi’s verse, if you’re not into his vibe then you won’t like it I guess. Again, I love seeing my two worlds collaborating. Perhaps it could be a good single, I definitely can see some awesome visuals for the music video. I love the fact that this song is the last song on the album, in a way, we’re saying goodbye to Rare after our first listening. But to me, the song sounded like a goodbye but like FOREVER. And I just love it. 10/10!

My overall opinion:

Rare is an amazing album that sounds so fresh. I think the Pop industry needed this album, it gives me hope for what this generation is about to listen. Rare is a perfect description of a versatile and cohesive album. The collaborations were interesting, the only skip of this album is Fun which I really hate. The way I’d rate this album is kinda harsh but Selena didn’t release an album since 2015, there are some songs that she could’ve scrapped instead of scrapping her best songs. I definitely think Stained and Feel Me (I mean with different lyrics for Feel Me lmao) had a place in this album, if we wouldn’t have heard them. I think this album is a grower and I can’t stop listening to it. I haven’t heard such a good Pop album since 1989 by Taylor Swift. I think the wait for Rare was definitely needed and it was worth waiting. If Rare isn’t nominated at the GRAMMYs, I will be mad. It’s a masterpiece. It’s just the songwriting that ruined everything on a couple of songs. I do not understand why Lose You To Love Me and Look At Her Now are on the album, they sound so different from the tracks. But honestly, good work from Selena. I’m madly impressed. I rated it a 6.5/10 on my Twitter account, but I guess it’s a 7/10 now. Bravo Selena!

#selena gomez #sg2 #6lack #kid cudi #rare

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samsexualdeancurious · 5 years

Text

Thanks For Listening | Chapter Two

Square: Free Space

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Words: 1,576

Warnings: hurt!Reader, pining, eventual smut, dirty talk, voice!kink, unprotected sex.

Summary: Sam hosts two podcasts - a secret one for hunters called the War Room and a public one with fellow hunter Y/N called Criminal History. Y/N and Sam have never seen each other, let alone met, but that doesn’t stop Sam from worrying when Y/N suddenly goes missing.

Betaed by @manawhaat

Written for @spnkinkbingo

Header by me and Mana

Masterlist - AO3

---

"The manager said she never checked out of her hotel room. Her bags and stuff are still here but her car is gone."

Sam leans his elbows on his desk. "Fuck."

Charlie keeps talking. "That Allen guy checked out, though. Think you can track him down through your network while I keep asking around here?"

Thank Chuck, something to do. "Yeah, I'll start making some calls."

"I'm going to head over to the police station. She used her FBI cover, right?"

"Yeah. Agent Warren," Sam says, recalling one of her texts from her arrival in the town. "And her partner Agent Sanders."

"Good to know. Go make those phone calls. I'll update you on what the cops tell me."

After hanging up with Charlie, Sam begins making calls to a variety of hunters. He starts with ones he knows fairly well, specifically those who tend to hunt in the western states, and works his way out from there until finally - finally - he finds someone who can give him the number he needs.

"Hello."

The voice is gruff but Sam gets the feeling that man is young - probably mid-twenties.

"Is this Allen Burton?"

"Who's asking?" The man is clearly cautious, a common trait among hunters no matter how young they may be.

"This is Sam Winchester."

He can practically hear Allen straightening up, snapping to attention. "Shit. Sorry. Hi. I, um. I didn't know it was you, sir."

Sam can't stop himself from rolling his eyes. Great. Another fanboy

"What can I do for you?" Allen asks.

Sam gets straight to the point. "Where is Y/N?"

There's an audible gulp. "She, uh - she's in the hospital."

---

Charlie finds her in the ICU of St. Mary's Medical Center in Colorado.

"She's going to be fine," Charlie assures him. Sam has collapsed into a chair in the library, overwhelmed with relief. "She's in a medical coma right now but the doctor says she should be ready to wake up in a few days. I'm going to stick around until she does."

Sam's glad he's alone in the library right now - no one can see the way he frantically scrubs at his eyes, relief flooding through him. "Did the doctor say what happened?"

"He doesn't know for sure - top secret FBI stuff, ya know - but he said she lost a lot of blood and had a pretty nasty head injury. They actually transferred her here about a day after she was admitted to that hospital in Utah. That's why I didn't find her when I looked there. St. Mary's has a better trauma center and ICU, and the doctors in Utah wanted to make sure she was getting the best care possible. Ya know, with her being FBI and all,” Charlie smirks. “So they had her sent here."

That fact makes Sam feel better. He's still itching to grab the Impala keys and drive out there, even though he knows Dean would kill him for taking the car without asking, and Y/N probably wouldn't want him there anyway. After all, they haven't even met in person yet.

At least she'll have someone familiar around when she wakes up.

"I'll have her call when she's ready to," Charlie offers, oblivious to Sam's inner turmoil.

"Thanks, Charlie. I really appreciate you doing this."

"It's not a big deal. She's my friend, too. Plus, it's easier to keep her cover if I stick around. I can't believe Allen just left her."

At her mention of the young hunter, Sam grits his teeth. Allen had dropped Y/N off at the hospital, spouted off some story about her being injured on the job, and then left town without a backward glance or letting anyone know what happened. Apparently, Allen wasn't even there when Y/N was injured. They were separated once inside the nest and he found her unconscious in a pool of blood.

"I've been letting people know that Allen isn't a reliable hunting partner," Sam tells Charlie. "It's not that I want him to hunt alone or anything. I just want people to be aware."

"Smart. I'll let my own network know. I'm gonna go grab some food and find a room for the night. I'll text you an update in the morning."

---

Charlie keeps Sam informed on Y/N's condition over the next few days, including that the doctor has decided to take her off the medication keeping her unconscious. He has to fight to keep himself from pacing a hole in his bedroom floor, deciding to focus on editing a few bonus episodes of Criminal History to stay busy.

On day four, his phone rings in the middle of lunch. He snatches it up when he sees Charlie's name on the screen, ignoring Dean's curious glances.

"Hello?"

"Hiya, Chief."

The relief that washes over him at the sound of her voice is like a physical weight being lifted from his chest. "Y/N," he says, abandoning his sandwich and instead hurrying to lock himself in his office. "You're awake. I was so worried."

"I'm sorry for worrying you." Her voice is soft, a little embarrassed.

"It's not your fault. You're only human. What happened? Allen couldn't tell me."

Y/N sighs. "Allen and I were separated and a couple of vamps got the jump on me. I guess I hit my head pretty hard 'cause I don't remember anything after that. I'm sorry, Sam. I should've been more careful."

"Hey." Sam keeps his tone low and soothing. "It's okay. You're okay. Just promise me something?"

"Okay?"

"If you're ever facing a case like this solo again, please call me."

Sam doesn't try to hide the desperation in his voice and she clearly picks up on it. When she speaks, her tone is soft and genuine.

"I promise."

Sam nods, practically falling into his office chair. He finds himself staring down at the planner he left open last time he was in here - the one where he uses to organize and schedule everything that deals with Criminal History.

"How long does the doctor want you to stick around?" he asks.

Y/N huffs. "A few more days for tests and stuff so he can make sure I'm definitely okay. Then he wants me to take it easy for at least another week. I'm gonna die of boredom."

Sam smirks. "Not if Charlie brings you your laptop. We've still got a show to run, partner. That means research."

Y/N groans. Sam rolls his eyes. She would be perfectly content if Sam did all the research and prep and she just had to read his notes and record.

"That head injury didn't change too much," he teases.

"Shouldn't being in the hospital excuse me from research?" Her pout is audible.

Sam chuckles. "Have Charlie pick you up a new phone so you don't end up stealing hers. I'll talk to you later."

---

You hate to admit it but Sam is right. You definitely would have died of boredom without being able to do research for the podcast.

The emails full of article and video links that Sam sends end up being a welcome break in the monotony, especially since he’s decided to do most of the research for you (this time). It's not the most exciting existence but it's definitely better than having nothing to do. Sam’s regular phone calls certainly don’t hurt.

Charlie heads back to Utah to make sure the vamp nest has definitely been taken care of but returns to the hospital once you're discharged and drive you to a nearby motel where she’s rented you a room. She hangs around a few more days after that - no one says anything but Sam probably asked her to. He can be a bit of a worrywart sometimes. You don't mind the company, though.

After Charlie leaves and you're given to okay to resume everyday activities, life pretty much goes back to normal. You take on minor cases, working solo or with hunters you're familiar with until you're feeling back to normal. You still talk to Sam on an almost daily basis - if not over the phone, via text - and ignore the happy butterflies in your stomach every time you see his name on your phone.

When you stumble upon a hunt that sounds an awful lot like a wendigo in Colorado, Sam's words from the hospital flutter across the back of your mind and you find yourself calling him before you even realize you're doing it.

He waves away all your insistence that he doesn't have to come help you, the sounds of a duffel being hastily packed clear in the background of his voice.

"Dean and I will be there in about 9 hours," Sam says. "Maybe sooner, with the way Dean drives."

Dean. Of course Sam would bring his brother. You've heard good things about Dean - especially about his hunting abilities - but a part of you really wanted this to be just you and Sam, and that part of you can't help feeling disappointed.

“I don't really want to bring Dean," Sam continues. "But wendigos are a pain in the ass, especially this time of year. The more hands on deck, the better."

Okay. Good point.

"I'll meet you in Aspen," you decide, ignoring that part of yourself that still wants to ask him to leave Dean behind. "We can head up to the campsite from there. Let me know when you're getting close?"

"Of course."

Like this fic? Support me longterm on Patreon HERE or make a one-time donation on Ko-Fi HERE

--Team Forever: @mrswhozeewhatsis @books-and-icecream @laughing-at-the-darkness @tumbler-tidbits @imsuperawkward

Team Sam: @saxxxology

Team TFL: @wonderfulworldofwinchester @kickingitwithkirk @muchamusedaboutnothing @ellen-reincarnated1967 @linki-locks11

#spnkinkbingo #sam x reader #my writing #thanks for listening #supernatural

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johannesviii · 4 years

Text

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2008

19 to 20 years old, and... hang on. Is that a mediocre year with actual filler on the list and only three honorable mentions? That’s kind of refreshing in a decade where each and every single one of my lists was a mile long.

The top 3 is still great, mind you.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

2008. Finished my History Licence, started my Master degree. To quote one of the biggest hits of the year, my funds were ‘low, low, low, low, low, low’, my nickname was still ‘the hobo’, and I was constantly on the verge of a breakdown even though things were not nearly as bad as they were five years before. But I finally had my own computer and a reliable internet access, so that was a thing. I made a LOT of cd compilations that year.

Let’s get one thing out of the way: the French charts usually tend to salvage bad years for these lists I’m making, but the 2008 French year-end list is absolutely rotten, so this didn’t happen here, obviously. I have no idea why Human (The Killers), Kids (MGMT), Integral (Pet Shop Boys), Big Girls (Mika) and basically everything from Bloc Party aren’t elligible songs, but this is bad and the charts should feel bad. Have a very short list of honorable mentions instead.

Low (Flo Rida) - This was absolutely everywhere. I didn’t mind at all.

Dégénération (Mylène Farmer) - I mean. It’s not bad. But. Like. What the hell was that.

Je Réalise (Sinik & James Blunt) - Not better than the previous two, but made James Blunt palatable even though I find him nearly unlistenable in his own songs, and that’s an impressive feat.

And now, the list.

10 - Hot n Cold (Katy Perry)

US: #36 / FR: #52

My s.o absolutely LOVED Katy Perry that year. I loathed I Kissed a Girl. Thankfully, Hot n Cold was fun and catchy, so I didn’t mind hearing that one way, way too many times. He still loves most of her albums and he sings some of her songs while playing games from time to time.

For those who are wondering, yes, this is the same person who’s also a big fan of Metallica, and Gorillaz, and Mika, because I guess I can only get along with someone who also has weird and debatable musical tastes.

9 - Don’t Stop the Music (Rihanna)

US: #17 / FR: Not on the list

This was a honorable mention before I noticed I couldn’t fill the list with songs I actively listened to. I have nothing to say about it. It’s reasonably fun and catchy. Not her best, not her worst.

8 - Disturbia (Rihanna)

US: #16 / FR: #36

No Rihanna, you’re not scaring me. But that “bum bum bee dum” hook is an earworm and a half, so I’ll take it.

7- Apologise (OneRepublic ft Timbaland)

US: #5 / FR: Not on the list

This is just as pleasant (if slightly bland) as drinking hot chocolate and the fact that this was enough to put it at #7 tells a lot about how unimpressed I was with hit songs in 2008.

6 - This is the life (Amy McDonald)

US: Not on the list / FR: #34

This is also pleasant, if a bit repetitive. I have literally nothing else to say. Thankfully, everything after that are songs are actually like.

5 - Shake it (Metro Station)

US: #32 / FR: Not on the list

This is incredibly stupid, and also incredibly fun, and it was a delight every time it was on the radio. Thankfully the following year would bring many, many more fun, upbeat, stupid songs, but in 2008 it was like breathing fresh air.

4 - Just Dance (Lady Gaga)

US: Not on the list (...................yet) / FR: #56

I was way too broke in 2008 (and in every single previous year) to have any party that wasn’t something like “find a deserted place and burn a couple of things together” apart from one (1) party at a friend’s house which went nearly as bad as that song. It’s great.

I really like Lady Gaga, for the record, even if I was never a fan, and my initial opinion of her around 2009/2010 was basically “oh good, the US found their own Mylène Farmer. It’s about time.”

3 - Let It Rock (Kevin Rudolf ft Lil Wayne)

US: #65 / FR: Not on the list

I’m shocked this is so high on the list. I first put it at the bottom, then relistened to it just to make sure, felt pure, undiluted joy, and now here we are.

It’s so strange to think that this was one of the only great rock songs on the year end list if not the only one, and it has Lil Wayne on it, of all people. But yeah, kickass song, kickass guitar, a ton of fun to sing along with it. We needed more hits like this, and we still do, if I’m being honest.

2 - Shadow of the Day (Linkin Park)

US: #55 / FR: Not on the list

At the time, looking back at the previous years and everything I had been through, this song was extremely relatable, and powerful, and it was very difficult to listen to it without crying because that crescendo at the end was almost too beautiful. It was like a suicide note written in gold. You want to admire it and maybe frame it but it’s gonna destroy you emotionally everytime you look at it.

For very, very obvious reasons, it is close to unlistenable to me since 2017. Relistening to it just to make this list made me cry my eyes out on my f█cking desk.

This would probably top the list without all the painful bagage that comes with it. Can I genuinely put a nearly unlistenable song so high on a list even if it isn’t at #1? Considering how mediocre the pool of 2008 hit songs is, I can, and I will.

I’m also still crying, by the way.

1 - Viva la Vida (Coldplay)

US: #13 / FR: #44

Behold, the thrilling beginning of “Johannes finally loves Coldplay” Act 2, that would reach its epic conclusion with Life In Technicolor II a year later, one of my favorite songs ever from the band, but sadly (or not, there’s already a shit ton of great music in 2009 and I’m not even sure I can make a top 10 instead of 12) isn’t elligible for 2009.

Anyhow. Bells? Strings? Actual energy in a Coldplay song? Epic choirs? Lyrics that tell an interesting story? Actual... fun?? What happened to these guys? Were they even the same band?

I still don’t know what happened but that was so, so refreshing. I was sincerely hoping they’d stay on these new tracks, and they definitely did.

Good.

Next up: Johannes was dead certain the song they wanted to put at the top of the list was elligible, but it isn’t, and many walls were punched that day

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #suicide mention tw #eye contact tw

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