#and i know it's my own fault!!!!!!!!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hellogloom · 2 years

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here to make my weekly opening up about life in the tags-post 😌👍

#okay first of all!!!! last week of internship started today and it's............... strange?#i feel like it started like yesterday but it's been five weeks already #i got really lucky with the ward that i've been working at though everyone there is so nice including the patients 💞💞💞#i've learned SOOOO much more than i ever could reading from a book or listening in class #it is honestly kinda sad that it's over after friday :(#other thing is that my binging disorder has gotten even worse during the last couple of weeks #and when i was talking to my doctor about it i told her it's hard because even if i feel lliterally sick and 10000000% full i can't stop #and she said something about ''you're not eating for the kinda hunger that can be fulfilled with food'' and it really resonated with me #bc it's so true???? i can't fill the void i have with chocolate and other unhealthy food no matter how much i consume it #bc it's an emotional one #doing this to myself makes me wanna *** 🥲👍#i've put on like +30kgs in just a few years it's insane #and it's not even about the way i look it's the way i feel in this body that is so unhealthy #and i know it's my own fault!!!!!!!!!!!#i also feel really alone with it because i know the way people see binging is just #''stop eating as much 😌 just don't buy snacks 😌''#when the fact is that it's something i have no control over #anyway 💔#rant time over time to maybe gif something and watch bad reality tv <33333 #ofe.txt #eating disorder tw

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uncanny-tranny · 3 months

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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

#mental health #mental health support #positivity #if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it #i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive #unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better

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inkskinned · 1 year

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the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.

capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.

now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.

and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.

and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.

and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".

it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"

#this was much longer i had to cut it down for legibility #but i do want to say i am aware this post doesnt touch on human rights violations as a result of fast fashion #that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone #i am an environmental educator #so that's what i know the most about. it wouldn't be appropriate of me to mention off-hand the real and legitimate suffering #that people are going through #without doing my research and providing real ways to help #this is a vent post about a thing i'm watching happen; not a call to action. it would be INCREDIBLY demeaning #to all those affected by the fast fashion industry to pretend that a post like this could speak to their suffering #unfortunately one of the horrible things about latestage capitalism as an activist is that SO many things are linked to this #and i WANT to talk about all of them but it would be a book in its own right. in fact there ARE books about each level of this #and i encourage you to seek them out and read them!!! i am not an expert on that i am just a person on tumblr doing my favorite activity #(complaining)#and it's like - this is the individual versus the industry problem again right because im blaming myself #for being an expert on environmental disaster (which is fucking important) but not knowing EVERYTHING about fast fashion #i'm blaming myself for not covering the many layers of this incredibly complicated problem im pointing out #rather than being like. yeah so actually the fault here lies with the billion dollar industries actually.#my failure to be able to condense an incredibly immense problem that is BOOK-LENGTH into a single text post that i post for free #is not in ANY fucking way the same amount of harm as. you know. the ACTUAL COMPANIES doing this ACTUAL THING for ACTUAL MONEY.#anyway im gonna go donate money while i'm thinking about it. maybe you can too. we can both just agree - well i fuckin tried didn't i #which is more than their CEOs can say

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sweetlullabyebye · 4 months

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Characters that are absolute lovesick disasters but also brutal killers are... definitely something

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temeyes · 4 months

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he is legally blind, your honor

#BRESSY THIS IS UR FAULT!!!! HE LOOKS SO GOOD WITH EYEGLASSES #no guys.. i totally didn't apply my own experience to baby simon haha.......... (my dad was so cheap.....)#AND NO I WAS NOT DEEPLY THINKING ABOUT TSUKISHIMA KEI WHILE DRAWING BABY SIMON- WDYM HE LOOKS LIKE TSUKISHIMA KEI-#soap's the only one who knows he wears eyeglasses cuz ghost still wears his contacts around gaz and price #i like to imagine that the shades he wears on missions are also graded so he doesn't have to wear contacts. esp if he's on long deployments #me thinks he also prefers wearing eyeglasses over contacts cuz he has a hard time putting them on and hates when his eyes dry out #my art #2024 #call of duty #call of duty: modern warfare #call of duty: modern warfare ii #call of duty: modern warfare iii #cod #codmw #codmwii #codmwiii #modern warfare #mw2 #mw3 #simon riley #simon ghost riley #ghost #ghost cod #art #fanart #digital art #digital drawing #sketch #doodle #video games

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teddybeartoji · 2 months

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it's not often you get to see a sleepy suguru.

it's not like he's not tired – he's fucking exhausted; the dreams just don't seem to like him all that much. but he's usually toughing it out, trying to seem as composed and put-together as possible. the dark skin underneath his eyes betray him, though.

so you don't really know why today is different. is he just more tired? have all of the sleepless hours caught up with him? or is it just you; could it be that your body is the most comfortable place to rest his heavy head? or is it your perfume that's soothing him to sleep?

or is it the fingers in his hair?

he doesn't really let others play with his hair too ofter either. satoru and shoko had been the only exceptions but that was before you came along. satoru uses his hair as a stim, something to play with when he's bored. suguru has taught him manners though – a few slaps against satoru's fingers and chest to remind him to be more careful. and shoko is just more likely to brush a strand from his eyes or help him tie them up in a half-assed bun whenever his own hands are full with whatever.

you like playing with hair, always have and always will. it's relaxing and it's fun and it's calming and you love it. when you first met suguru, his hair was the second thing you noticed about him (his keen purple eyes being the first). an irresistible itch burned in your fingertips everytime you saw him, everytime he wore his hair down. it just looked so pretty and soft.

he takes very good care of his hair, you know that much. specific shampoos and conditioners, masks and all – he's all in. and nobody bats an eye. not that they should but satoru definitely gets made fun of because of his stupidly expensive collection of figurines and shoko gets teased for her silly mug shelf – and yet, neither of them ever comment on the bottles and tubs of fancy products that lay on his bathroom counter.

his hair also smells good. the compliment always hangs on the tip of your tongue but stays hidden in fear of coming off too weird. too creepy. but he doesn smell good. even with closed eyes and ears and you'd find him in a crowd. you wonder whether he knows that.

as you grew closer and closer, the now scorching itch only doubled in need. you never did gather the strenght to outwardly ask him – if you could play with his hair? if you could caress it? comb through it? it was an accident.

a simple gloomy friday afternoon: you're both lazing on your couch, staring at the screen. it's funny – you find yourself muffling your already quiet bursts of laughter, suguru alongside you. he's sitting close by, closer than usual. you don't ask him about it.

he asked to come over; something-something about being sick of his own apartment. you understand that, so you tell him that your home is his home (you'd tell him that even if you didn't understand). you hear the faint smile when he thanks you over the phone.

even when he looks like he hasn't slept in months – he looks good. you can tell he's overexaggerating his smile a bit but don't say anything about it, rewarding him with a grin of your own. his eyes flick to your lips and how they curve and he thinks about how warm it feels to look at you. maybe he's not exaggerating anymore.

your arms open wide, inviting him into you and he obliges, as always. he smells good. as always.

his hands lock behind your back and your behind his neck. your hearts meet and they greet each other with a fastened beat, eager to be in sync – to feel each other again.

he pulls back and the corners of his eyes crinkle when he smiles. he's not doing it anymore and you're happy to relieve him even if it's for mere moments.

he's wearing a sweather and his hair is down. he has lip gloss on; you try to think whether he's more of a mint guy or more of a shea guy. it remains a mystery.

and now you're on the couch with two cups of warm tea waiting for you on the small table. he smells good. he's so close. he snickers at the screen and you can't take your eyes off of him. it's the same small crinkle of the eyes and the faintest pink tint on his cheeks.

you know he knows that you're looking at him. you've been told to have a staring problem and he's just an observant guy. it's a terrible match. or a perfect one.

he doesn't say anything though; instead he leans his head back and little to the side against the headrest (he's even closer now) and you find yourself shifting an inch aswell. perhaps magnets are involved? the iron in your blood pulling you together?

no, that can't be. you'd have to be polar opposites for that to work. warm-blooded and cold-blooded? would that work? you're getting too poetic and he's looking at you now.

it's an accident. it slips out on its own. you smell good. caught off guard by your own comment, you're about to apologize when a hand on your thigh almost makes you suffocate on the words stuck in your throat.

he laughs and it feels so good. he thanks you. he means it, you see it in his tired eyes. he likes the way you blush.

turning his focus back to the tv, you try to collect yourself. a deep breath in and a deep one out and a deep one in and a de—

a weight on your shoulder. he smells so good. he's so close. you peek down, curious as to whether this is a dream or not. but suguru's head is in fact laid on your body, sinking a bit more into you by the second. a deep breath in and a deep one out.

seeking for a more comfortable position, you snuggle closer to him. it's hard to focus but you're making it your sole mission to make him feel safe. your arm curls around his body, his shoulder, and rests right by a flock of his hair.

his cheek is now smushed against the top of your chest and the weight of love doesn't seem as bad as everyone keeps telling you. his hand finds a place around your waist; loosely – as if he's the one who's afraid to scare you off. silly.

his breath against you feels right and the butterflies in your stomach refuse to calm down. so you do what you always do when you get nervous – completely on their own, your fingers caress his hair. just smoothing over it at first but before you know it, they're combing through a strand and twirling the ends between themselves.

you wanna apologize, again, but the soft little grunt that emits from the man keeps you from doing so.

don't stop.

+ this is for @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat just bc it feels right

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bixels · 4 months

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While I do think anon was rude, I do think it's pretty shitty to set up all this stuff you were going to add the au and then just drop it. It's disappointing. Definitely unfollowing.

Bye.

#ask me #anon #once AGAIN.#I am not dropping anything #the au is not getting cancelled. more than likely i'm gonna take a break from it until i find motivation again #But I've been drawing the AU for half a fucking year #In that time I've only drawn 5 things that aren't mlp related #I'm getting tired and my last few posts didn't do as well as I'd hoped #And I'm not about to burn myself out on mlp au art even if I really do love making it #I'm still gonna make comics. I have a bunch of ideas.#Tulli and I still wanna do the limited run merch shop #Discord is still coming. Sunset is still coming. Sombra is still coming. I have so many ideas #But I need to do something else for my own sake. Did you know I was supposed to get the background 6 designs done by now #But I didn't because I'm TIRED #I've been keeping myself on a schedule to keep content pumping despite travel and school and family and I'm tired #what i'm getting isn't matching what i'm giving and that's nobody's fault. i'm not frustrated at anyone. a slump was bound to happen #drawing the au was fun until it become my Thing. Because when your Thing––your identity––starts to faulter #it can really make you freak out #And that's not healthy for the project or for myself. I need to find the fun again and I'm sure I will #I'm really appreciative of everyone's support in my inbox and replies it really does mean a lot especially given that about 2/3 of my #followers followed for mlp. But if you're gonna react to me saying “i'm gonna cool down on mlp art and draw my own stuff” with “i'm #disappointed in you." then Leave! I think it's good you're unfollowing #you are not obligated to stick by my side! But don't act like I'm doing you a disservice by turning my attention elsewhere #I didn't promise anyone anything and I definitely didn't say I'm breaking any promises.

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carouselunique · 2 days

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They had a bit of a chance encounter on a day where Blueblood was dealing with something that was very difficult and was so caught up in his emotions he didn’t even care that he was in the garden getting grass stans on his coat and Ditzy, with her natural impulse to cheer ponies up, didn’t even notice or care that she was flying into the palace gardens when she saw someone sat in the rain.

At first he was definitely going to call the castle guards to come apprehend this strange filly with the odd eyes who was intruding when this was the last moment he’d want to entertain any desperate debutantes, however she surprised him by not fawning or anything, not even caring about his status, just putting one of her fluffy wings up and asking if he needed somepony to lend an ear.

“Don’t let my eyes fool you, my ears work just fine!”

She was incredibly disarming and while he didn’t reveal everything about why he was upset, he found himself talking about his feelings to her. And she made such cheerful remarks, and was very comforting. In the end, he felt better and she came to check on him the next day, even sharing a blueberry muffin with him. He remarked that he’d never seen her around before, and that he wouldn’t mind terribly seeing her more often.

The rest, as they say, is history.

#my little pony #mlp #ditzy doo #prince blueblood #my art #mlp g4 #mlpfim #mlp fim #my little pony friendship is magic #derpy hooves #swap six #side stars au #my silly pigeon girl and my lonely rich boy you are so important to me…#yes I should draw more stuff besides them I know and I will… i just missed them okay and the ask scratched an itch.#bonus tag lore for those who read my tags: Blueblood is upset about the mysterious disapperance of Sunset Shimmer #Celestia only told Blueblood and Cadence (and Cinch) that she was gone - no details #Cadence is somewhere else struggling in her own way #Blueblood may or may not be so emotional because he blames himself #Blueblood and Sunset bought into Cinch making them compete to be the best #she loved them as much as she was capable but part of having a good reputation means succeeding above all others #and while Cadence rebelled against that mindset the other two didnt. They were more friendly with Cadence than each other.#As Sunset grew angrier and more resentful of not being taken seriously by Celestia (The Fall of Sunset Shimmer for reference)#She fought with Blueblood more and I think he thinks he was the reason she left when in reality it was definitely the least his fault #but he doesnt know that…

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panncakes · 2 months

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"If you look closely, you'll see that Latte is the only being Ongsa talks to."

23.5 (2024)

#23.5 #23.5 the series #23.5 degrees #23.5edit #milklove #gledit #mine*#milk pansa #oh the abject horrors of being a teenage girl #[gathers ongsa gently into my arms and gives her all the warmth and comfort she deserves]#im sorry for how unkind i was to my teenage self; im sorry for unkind you are to yourself #i know her being unpopular and weird is played over the top for laughs but there is such a genuine #sadness and loneliness woven through it #having a sister who is popular and a leader and capable to a fault and a cousin who has her sight far beyond high school #and her peers and is so comfortable behind her high walls and within herself (also to a fault)#while you yourself are so starved and hungry for connection with your peers and to be liked but just seem so incapable of making that work #so incapable of getting out of your own way #is just so... god #its so universal and so heartbreaking and also i wanted to make this set #because at the end of the show ongsa will have her friends and a girlfriend and confidence in herself and hopefully #love and kindness for herself ❤️#in case you were wondering; why yes i will project all my own teenage issues onto this show because yes ongsa is a mirror thank you 🥰

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hannahhasafact · 5 months

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Hey hi hello I didn’t take any good pictures of it but please appreciate my Imelda Pulse cosplay that I spent a lot of time on okay thanks

#ramblings #cosplay #dimension 20 #mentopolis #Imelda pulse #oh god my face #if you happened to see me on Friday at kumoricon 2023 and snapped a pic please lemme know #*happened to have seen me #I’m just sad I didn’t get a full body photo including my sparkly gold shoes before my skirt got messed up #(it was my own fault but I needed to use the restroom and it was stepped on and trying to fix it I got superglue on the coat 😭)#please ignore my mess of an apartment lollll I was working on this until the second I left my apartment #ughhhhh I didn’t even realize the photo was blurry augh but oh well 😭

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bataranqs · 2 years

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And just because it’s not a romantic relationship doesn’t mean it’s not a good relationship 🙃

#aromantic #aro #aro memes #don't make me tap the sign #i know it's my own fault for being with the shippers on the shipping site but. idk i just. i wish we could be normal about romance.

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infinite-infinite-stars · 4 months

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What if... Who Killed Markiplier... but it's Ace Attorney Investigations...

"Ace District Attorney Investigations", if you will.

(Everything you see here was drawn by me, with some backgrounds/that one evidence photo being either screenshots from the show, or edits of official photographs of Mythea Castle, where WKM was filmed)

#who killed markiplier #wkm #ace attorney investigations #wkm fanart #wkm district attorney #captainsona #captain yona masters #''a burgundy-wearing prosecutor teaming up with a kooky detective? now why does that sound familiar- OH YEAH!''#anyway you guys ever notice that the da from what we're shown is a pretty piss-poor investigator?#they just kinda wander around aimlessly and allow people to shoo them away before offering up any information #like their alibis or lack thereof #it doesn't exactly help that wkm is a choose your own adventure without any choices #and I know mark's team was limited on budget and time or whatever and they meant for it to be more involved than what we got!#it's not their fault!#but still you can't deny that what we got isn't very satisfying as far as murder mysteries go #and I don't feel all that compelled to pretend otherwise!#so in the version of wkm that exists in MY head #da!yona is going to take the prospect of solving her dear friend's murder SERIOUSLY goddammit!#(the conclusion she's gearing up towards in the last two pictures #is that the party was a cover for mark's plan to kill the colonel; but it obviously backfired and mark wound up getting killed instead)#(that's her theory. as we all know it's not /quite/ accurate to what really happened but it's pretty close!)#(obviously she's unaware of any supernatural element to the whole thing at this point)#(or heck maybe in this version of events there actually isn't a supernatural element at all and she's right. I haven't decided)

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uncanny-tranny · 2 months

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I recall saying this before, but it bears repeating:

There could be a billion trans people in the world and it still wouldn't be a bad thing because being trans is not a bad thing. Even if the rate of people discovering they are trans is "disproportionate" to trends from decades ago, that is not a bad thing. In fact, it's a natural consequence for there being more trans people being able to stay alive, and, overall, being able to live in a slightly more tolerant world. You'd only see that as a bad thing if you actively didn't want trans people to either live or live a life that facilitates wellness.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #like even with there being more OPEN AND OUT trans people there are still more cis people by volume #even in my high school with three trans girls and three trans guys (including me) and a few NB people...#...there were still a THOUSAND cis kids going to school with us. imagine complaining when cis people are still 'dominant'#i don't know what my secondary school's population is because it's a big campus so you can deal with high school stats lol #like thank gd we are beginning to live in a world where the trans population CAN grow #i want there to be more trans people. because trans people will continue to be trans #we will continue being trans no matter what laws you put into place. no matter how dangerous you make the world for us...#...we will continue to be trans whether or not you approve. and that's fucking beautiful. i want us to live. i want us to eat well.#i want us to not worry about anything in this world. and that's going to happen one day. it will happen just like the sun rises each morning #if that is a threat to you then that is your own fault - your own self-destructive and sad thoughts about people and our world #and that is not my burden to carry - i have my own.

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i-am-l-ananas · 4 months

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just because your peers are reaching “life milestones” before you doesn’t mean you’re falling behind in life. You’re not behind in life. You’re not you’re not you’re not you’re not and maybe someday you’ll believe it

#one of those nights folks!#I know when and if a person reaches so called life milestones is arbitrary!!! But why am I so behind???#it’s just. more people I grew up with are getting married and having kids #I don’t even think I want kids!!#it’s just that it goes along with them having the relationships and stability to do so!!#and I’m envious of that!#and it’s pathetic that I still blame all the bullying I went through for my lack of relationships when I know it’s really my own fault #for not bettering myself and going out and meeting people and instead waiting for a future where I’m no longer disgusted with my body #ack sorry if you opened the tags only to be slapped in the face with vent #it be like this sometimes

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voltaical-art · 7 days

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they're like if the scorpion and the frog were toxic lovers

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #durge #tav #durgetav #voltaical ocs #judge #bishop #sorry for being transmasc and using super saturated blue as if its my fault #something about durge not knowing their own body and tiefling bodies having impressions of something deeper beneath the skin #their ridges the wings on their shoulder blades the webbing on their torso #also stream st vincent #am going to a listening party for her new record tonight :) so i thought i should post this today

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not-an-anagram · 5 months

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