#and i'm one of those 9-12 hours to not feel tired kind of people no matter how much regular sleep i get

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

we're at the point of being sleep deprived for so long that i am entering the Drawing Zone where everything is able to be drawn but at what cost

#i will go to sleep now methinks #i got enough out of this #when i say sleep deprived i mean like a week straight of 3-5 hours of sleep #and i'm one of those 9-12 hours to not feel tired kind of people no matter how much regular sleep i get #so i hope you all have enjoyed the fruits of my labor #and i hope to not see any of you for at least 12 hours bc i need to be snork mimimi-ing immediately for my own good

[porterdavis]

Well, I'm not much at dancing...

What a Young Man Should Know, 1933. A checklist for becoming a proper man.

This was published in the March 1933 issue of Harper’s Magazine.

The writer, Robert Littell, details the abilities, skills, accomplishments, and extra-curricular proficiencies that every man should have if they are to become a self-sufficient and well-rounded human being, ready for life, and eventually, marriage and raising their own children. The learning starts from a very young age.

Here is the (short) list:

1. He should know how to swim at least a mile, dive creditably, and not feel panicky under water. He should be able also to revive those less skilful than himself by rolling them on a barrel and pumping their helpless arms.

2. He should be able to drive an automobile well. And he should not be altogether helpless when a car breaks down. He must know how to change a tire and offer some sort of diagnosis when the engine sputters and dies.

3. He ought to know how to clean, load, and shoot a revolver or a rifle.

4. As for self-defense, a man should certainly be able to take care of himself in a scrap. He need not learn jujitsu — old-fashioned boxing will be enough.

5. He ought to know the rudiments of camping, how to build a fire, how to chop wood, how to take a cinder out of his eye, how to deal with a severed artery, how to doctor himself for ordinary ailments.

6. He should also be able to take care of other people in emergencies, to apply first aid, set a broken bone, revive a drunk or a victim of gas, deal with a fainting fit, administer the right emetic or antidote for a case of poisoning.

7. And he should be able to feed himself, to cook, not only because some day he may need to, but because cooking is one of the fine arts, and a source of infinite pleasure. He should be able to scramble eggs, brew coffee, broil a steak, dress a salad, carve a chicken, and produce, on occasion, one first-class dish, such as onion soup. The more he can do, in these days of the delicatessen store and the kitchenette, the better. It is not effeminate, it is not beyond him, and the best chefs are all men.

8. He should know how to use paint brushes, a saw, a hammer, and other common tools.

9. He should also have a beautiful and distinguished handwriting. But the bulk of his writing, particularly if he is a professional man who has much of it to do, should be done on a typewriter, capable of turning out three thousand words an hour.

10. He should play one outdoor game well, and have a workable smattering of several more. An American who cannot throw and catch a ball seems pathetic and grotesque.

11. The bicycle has gone, yet every young man should know how to ride one.

12. He should also be able to skate, sail a boat, and handle a canoe passably.

13. Fishing is a specialty, like chess.

14. Walking is a noble but neglected sport. Americans “hike” once in a long while but seldom walk.

15. He should know a great deal about animals and how to take care of them.

16. He should know how to ride a horse.

17. He should learn how to stay in a saddle with pleasure to himself and a minimum of annoyance to his mount.

18. He should learn how to dance.

19. He should know to play at least one card game.

20. He must have knowledge of how to tip naturally, justly, without fear and without reproach.

21. On the matter of alcohol, he should learn his capacity and stick within its limits; he should know something about the different kinds of drink, and which drinks produce chaos within him when mixed.

22. Where s:x is concerned, nature clearly intended us to make many mistakes in her hope that some of them would be productive.

23. He should know the rudiments of gambling. But gambling might be placed on the same plane as drink — the less use one has for it the better.

24. Higher than almost any other accomplishment on the list is knowing music. There is no reason why any young man who is not absolutely tone-deaf should not learn how to play one musical instrument well enough for it to be a self-resource and a tolerable pleasure to others.

25. A civilized man should know how to read. The ability to read, or rather the habit of reading, is very rare even among intelligent people, and has to be taught and kept up if it is not to become rusty.

26. He should have knowledge of at least one foreign language. French or German preferably both. German children learn an amazingly good brand of English without ever crossing their borders. Why can’t we? For one thing, we don’t really want to. Yet we should. An American who knows only English is blind in one eye.

27. He should know to travel well, efficiently, without fuss or complaint.

28. A young man should be able to express himself clearly before a crowd of strangers, without shyness, muddle, or a pathetic resort to “so much has been said and well said” or “I did not expect to be called on.”

29. The American adult can get to his feet, propose a toast, introduce a stranger, voice a civic protest, heckle a windbag politician, and give utterance to an unembarrassed thought.

30. A a man should command the elementary tool of written language, and be able to put simple things on paper in clear words.

31. He should have a good workable understanding of the structure of business, investments, and banks.

32. Let every educated man, as a necessary part of his education, be thrown into the muddy stream of American industry and see what it is like to swim alone on daily wages.

33. He should before reaching twenty-two have done something because he wanted to, whether other people wanted him to do it or not.

34. He should not acquire property unless he needs it. Insensitiveness to his personal property, unless of course it is extraordinarily beautiful, is a desirable skill for any man to have; It must be learned and worked at.

35. Unusual though this young man may be, he should not seem so. Is not a parent’s basic ambition for his child that he be very different from other people, yet manage to seem almost exactly like them?

[please-give-dd-bread]

phlyhyltgplelpppppppppppppppppppppp. deflating balloon noises. exhausted deflating balloon noises.

whoo. okay. although i just finished the mess that is my translation for both gogatsu and rokugatsu (i still need to touch up a little bit), i have here prepared. Yuu Ichijou

also for the past week i've been feeling kinda crappy my throat was threatening to rip itself out my chest felt like i was wearing a binder for 12 hours non stop and i felt ready to pass out (but don't worry i'm fine now i've been drinking tea and stuff)

oh also happy birthday イモン on yorucord!!! you know who you are no idea who you are on tumblr or if you even use tumblr but happy existence anniversary :DDD you know who you are.

anyways here have my translation for ai nijou's response, yuu ichijou

9/5, 憂一乗 (Only Sorrow/Yuu Ichijou)

You know, it's like I'm at the bottom of a lake A breath of air gets stuck in this throat I let go of the last few bubbles, and finally My feet touch the soft, warm ground.

Always, always, always, always, always. The only person I've ever followed behind was you.

And the only things I ever wanted to talk about were the things I wish I could change These water lilies floating around, are transparent from this water pressure I'm more than okay with anything - more certain than mirages I don't care if it's right, I don't care if we know what to do, I really don't care - I just want to run away with you.

Again, it's kind of like the bottom of a lake, My ears start to itch a bit Hopes, the future, even tomorrow - I've gotten tired hearing things about them The bubbles that left my mouth were so pretty.

Always, always, always, always, always. I've only ever looked up to you.

And now, I wish I had found something more important than the heart Words can be so cruel - transparent under the water pressure I'm just looking for something, anything more beautiful than this facade But just forgetting about it all is fine, let's run away.

I don't need whatever I've become, I don't need anything. I don't need money, or fame, or love, or people that admire - I really don't need any of that I want to go further, away from here I want to go, feel something other than these memories, Can I please, just hear your voice, sing one more time?

Always, always, always, always, always. I've only ever followed, chased, after you.

The only things I wanted to sing about were those things I could never change Life really is transparent, under the water pressure I don't really care - anything works as long as it's more certain than a hallucination I don't care if we don't know where, I don't care if we don't have any idea of what we're doing, I really don't care, honestly - let's run away together.

---

i know i've said this in my dakaboku and elma album essay but dakede *sobbing*

i swear this song is so sad and quiet in contrast to the like WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *cue epic guitar sequence* from ai nijou it's just wow. i mean i know Elma's developing her style from here but wow. it's just really different from the person she tried to imitate so said person she tried to imitate wouldn't "disappear".

anyways yeah that's all i'll go take a nap or something byeeeee

(wow the yorushika tag is drying up.)

#yorushika #ヨルシカ #elma #エルマ #憂一乗 #i know it's pronounced yuu in japanese but for some reason i had to type urei to get the sorrow kanji. weird but whatever i guess

[zalrb]

Red White and Royal Blue Review

I'm sorry but as the president's son, wouldn't you know not to get drunk at an official engagement like this?

Is that cake about to get ruined because it feels like the cake is about to get ruined. I didn't see the trailer.

2. Yes, it was ruined. I feel like I should be drunk for this.

3. I DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT MY REPUTATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. I was like what’s going on with Uma Thurman but I realize she’s trying to do an accent. I do not think it’s working.

5. This ... looks weird to me

It almost looks like photoshop, idk.

6. I’ve only been watching this for ten minutes but .. why can’t I remember his name, whatever president son dude, I think he’s the weakest link. The dialogue isn’t as snappy as it thinks it is although I did chuckle at the “you’ll act like the sun shines out of his ass and you have a vitamin D deficiency” but Zahra sells the quick “snappy” wit with more ease than he does. He isn’t comfortable with it.

7. Equerry dude is hotter than both of them.

8. Alex. His name is Alex.

9. Honestly, out of the two of them, Alex is acting like the bigger jackass.

10. Yeah, Alex kinda irritates me.

11. He flirts better with Miguel. Those eyes?

like I know we’re not at the flirty part with Henry yet but I can already tell we’re not going to get the same energy.

12. I don’t think you understand the laugh that came out of my mouth when I saw this

because it’s basically like they each got their own Black Best Friend and I know this is supposed to be like DIVERSITY.

13. “Omg people would kill to come to my NYE party” so far, this is a pretty basic party, sir.

14. So Henry is supposed to be uptight and posh and Alex is supposed to be more carefree, the drunk partier dude, but the thing is, the actor doesn’t come across carefree, he feels like he’s trying to be carefree so he actually makes me feel more uptight than Henry because I’m like, you’re not letting loose but you’re supposed to be the loose one.

15. TO THE WINDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW TO THE WALL! TILL THE SWEAT DROPS DOWN MY BALLS!  AH SKEET SKEET MUTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, AH SKEET SKEET GOTDAMN!

16. LMAOOOOOOOOO. Honestly, I don’t know if them choosing Get Low as the song they’re supposed to see each other across the dance floor and look at each other longingly is brilliant or terrible.

17. Aww Henry wanted a NYE kiss. Sad face.

18. Henry, I just feel like you could do better than Alex?

19. WE GET IT YOU WERE WORKING CLASS

20. Well at least they’re not Malec when they kiss.

21. He’s reminiscent of a a young Al Pacino -- I’m actually thinking of Al Pacino in Scarface but they did darken his skin for Scarface, which is you know.

22. “He grabbed my hair in a way that made me understand the difference between rugby and football” this line is wasted on these two. Jesus, give it to people with chemistry.

23.

he deserves a better scene partner.

24. I can’t believe I’m not even an hour in.

25. Alex, do some work!

26. Oh, this banter is terrible. People are comparing this to Merthur?

27. Wait, but I want to know which other famous boys he’s shagged.

28. This is probably the most I’ve cared about them so far

29. And he's blinking rapidly to show he's nervous but it should be in the body language, Alex is kind of just standing there. It should be nervous and exciting and intimate and thrilling, it's just ... kind of happening. Like the dude who plays Henry, his back must be TIRED from carrying all of this.

30. Ah yes,

it's giving

but way less intimate.

31. OK. So. I was going to add a screenshot but I was afraid tumblr would block it if I did so when they're making love, Alex -- who I almost called whatshiface -- says "I can't believe how wrong I was about you" and here's my thing with dialogue during sex scenes and I feel really bad for comparing these two movies because no one deserves this but it reminds me of when anons were like please watch some clips of the um, what's that movie series based on Harry Styles fanfiction -- After -- WE ARE GOING TO PAUSE TO BRING ATTENTION TO THE PROCESS I WENT THROUGH TO GET THE NAME OF THESE FUCKING MOVIES:

I typed in movie based on harry styles fanfiction and then Google was like Anne Hathaway and I was like what no, there's another movie based on One Direction fanfiction?? HOW MANY ARE THERE? then I was like wasn't Jughead in the movie? but then I forgot his real name so I had to be like Riverdale cast and it was like Cole Sprouse and I was like RIGHT! then looked up his fucking filmography and it wasn't there and I was like I swear I saw a clip with him in it and then I was like RIGHT, he is a twin so then I Googled his brother's name then I got Dylan Sprouse and then I looked up HIS filmography and got the name of the movie JUST FOR THIS BRIEF MENTION IN THIS STUPID POST and I was like, but anons can't search the masterlist??????????

anyway there's that scene where they're having sex in her office or something and like in the middle of them having sex he's like "SAY I'M THE ONLY ONE" or something and it just made me laugh because his voice is unaltered, he just delivered the line like they were having a regular conversation and that's what happens here, Alex just says this line and it takes me out of the moment because I'm like you're not being breathy or moaning or something as you talk, you're just talking like normal? THEN DON'T SPEAK.

32. But what does Alex do? Is he in school? Is he ... what does he do? I know he wrote a memo that nobody read and will probably end up being a huge meaningful contribution down the line but he's talking about wishing he could help more and I'm like what's your job? Like you can still help people in whatever job you're doing, like are YOU going to hospitals and talking to dying children? Like what's happening here?

33. And he's going on and on about making his dad proud and being someone who can do something but you're the guy who got drunk at a wedding and made a 75,000 pound cake fall. I...

34. Ah he's a law student. Volunteer at a free law clinic then, jesus christ.

35. OK their together texts are infinitely worse. "I CAN'T HAVE SMUT FILLING MY INBOX".

36. I mean, Miguel is a journalist, Alex, I...

37. So I'm guessing Miguel will break the Alex/Henry story. Because duh.

38. HENRY IS TRYING SO HARD.

39. "Dad, what is this music? It's so not the vibe" I'm sorry but I find Alex insufferable.

40. Oh so Henry DOES read nonwhite authors, jfc.

41. Ohhhhhhh whatshisface, Alex, is having the IT ALL MAKES SENSE moment, which MUST happen when the love interest is singing, HENRY IS HIS FOREVER BOO. And then of course, princes can't be gay so even though Henry feels the same way, I'm sure he'll be all I TOLD YOU NOT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME.

42. This movie seems like there'll be a rain kiss in it.

43. "Yeah, he's tougher than he looks." You guys were drinking tequila shots, doing karaoke and playing volleyball, not chopping wood for your only source of heat during winter in the Appalachians. Relax.

44. "You can understand my life a little more" which is cool but what about HIS life, Alex? I don't know I just find him extremely self-centered.

45. IT'S LIKE THERE'S A ROPE ATTACHED TO MY CHEST AND IT KEEPS PULLING ME TOWARDS YOU. Yes, I see the Jane Eyre reference.

46. Aww, he's in the pool with his hand over his heart. I needed a better couple for this.

47. And here we go with the downturn before the uptick.

48. He's trying so hard to be melancholy and this is what we get?

A furrowed brow?

49.

I mean are you? What is this, Stefan about Caroline? Please be serious.

50. Well, there's rain. But they're not kissing.

51. "I flew across an ocean" which would be more impressive if you weren't the president's son, Alex.

52.

You didn't actually storm the castle, though. Who are you now, Damon?

53. This should be way more frenzied than it is. He should be yelling, out of his mind, and Henry should be doing exactly what he's doing now.

54.

Well that's because he's amazingly self-centred.

55. ON. HIS. BACK.

56. Stephen Fry being in this is kind of perfect though. I just wish the movie was better.

57. OK well that's over.

[captain-astors]

1

2

4

9

12

for the tg head canons

Thank you! Why did I get so many 1's you all know my favorite critter is Furuta and I know most of you hate him (fairly) but I'll take it.

1. His whole thing is kind of just layering himself in caricatures full of the hypocrisy he finds so evident in those surrounding him while simultaneously mocking and irritating them despite how arguably he's exactly within the lines set for whatever position he's placed in. Hence the swing from compliant yet cowardly subordinate, to annoying, overconfident and toxically masculine V agent, and so on and so forth. That's a lot of words, allow me to summarize: Nimura's functionally intentionally ticking off everyone at once, but technically he's always the ideal person for whatever role it is. The Washuu King Kichimura is much the same because arguably he's the culmination of everything they wanted in a Bureau Director. He's commanding, intimidating, he's charismatic, he's terrifyingly efficient and if it was actually his intention I have no doubt he could've wiped ghouls off the face of Tokyo but it's not, and no one actually likes him because they're not supposed to. He plays the perfect role not because it's what he wants, but because that's how he shows how truly disgusting those people are. He's efficient but he completely lacks morals and boundaries, he's very masculine and commanding but effeminate and ridiculous in a conflict, he's intimidating but he's so evidently taking none of this seriously, dressing up in a ridiculous costume and calling it a party because really that's what the CCG does, it dresses up the atrocities so that no one has to feel uncomfortable about it. Kichimura dresses up the atrocities so that you feel uncomfortable about the present ones, and have to start thinking about the ones of the past- though it's kind of a thing that works only in retrospect because I imagine all the investigators were a little too focused on "Oh my god what is this guy doing" to realize it was exactly what they've been doing from the start cranked up to 100. All this to say it would be entirely in character of post-clown siege arc Nimura to wear heels and the added height would make a good distinction from the meek persona of Rank 1 Furuta. I REST MY CASE!

Also this is less of a headcanon and more of a thought which is why I'm sticking it here, but I find it hilarious that he's not actually that much taller than I. Can't even joke about biting his shins because I know multiple 14 year olds taller than this man. 2. You didn't specify a character so random person it is! Uta and Itori made use of Uta's kagune disguising ability to pretend to be a pair of famous food critics they ate once upon a time, and it started as a joke but they're in way too deep to back out now. They give the wildest reviews you've ever heard, but as long as they dodge around describing actual flavors and just talk about the feeling people eat their stupid fabrications up, and they find it hysterical. They've singlehandedly demolished the reputation of 3 perfectly respectable restaurants out of boredom and they don't even know what steak actually tastes like, they're beasts unleashed having the time of their lives. 4. Ship unspecified... Mutsukanae? Mutsukanae. Sometimes the two just collapse upon each other after a long day and wrap each other in a spiky, tangled mix of Bikaku and Rinkaku and pass out for an hour. They will not be moving, do not disturb them. 9. Probably just rampant projection but Seidou feel very ADHD ish to me. I have more thoughts on this but I'm too tired to explain it and I don't want to seem like I'm just slapping it on so ambiguous reasoning it is! 12. Kagune cloning and facial copying exists as a byproduct of extremely advanced aggressive mimicry (when a predator acts like the prey animal, or the prey animal's food source so as to catch them off guard) only certain ghouls are capable of the process by nature and they're considered powerful to a fault, however a large number of the already very small portion of ghoul capable of this will go their entire lives without knowing, because their parents were killed before they could be taught how to do so, and/or they simply don't have access to the RC needed to make a branching puppet and then separate it from their main body. If you manage to get yourself to that point in the first place however, (such as Uta) you're pretty much never going to have an issue reaching it again because one ghoul with that many RC cells in their system is formidable enough, but if you're your own hunting party have pity to the poor souls deemed dinner. But such a ghoul comes around so scarcely and leaves so few survivors that it's not even acknowledged by the CCG. Ghouls without this evolutionary advantage occasionally still practice a rudimentary form of it, so people are often cautioned against chasing after a child's silhouette in an alleyway if it looks a little awkward, as there's always a chance it's really a bikaku's tail or something.

#I love ghoul biology and furuta I'm so normal about ghoul biology and furuta #miscellaneous not-art things #tokyo ghoul #zeph answers questions about media/characters/ships

[awolisgone]

5.9.24 9:43am

My final for sociology is today. I've been studying real hard the last few days for it since I have been doing the class online so I really hope I do alright on it. I always have big test anxiety. The last one I genuinely thought I was gonna get a D on and I got a 96 on it, and I barely even studied so i hope I ace this one. I really like my sociology professor. If I was staying here longer, I would probably take his criminal deviance class. It seems super interesting and he will finally be doing it in person next semester (if he has enough people to take it). I'm gonna miss lakeland. It's a small college and I'm kind of nervous to go to a big university. I want to keep up with my workouts and work hard to see if I can get on the track team. If there even is one. I haven't even looked lol

It's been so nice recently. Well, in my opinion, cuz I love rain. Theres been a lot of storms around here that carry tornados through them, and those are my favorite storms, cuz the rain and thunder is so nice. Plus, we never get bad tornados around here.

11:49am

I just finished studying for my final. gonna go grab some coffee and take it. I think I'm ready for it. I've prepared a lot for this final. After this, I've only got one more assignment for seminar and then class tomorrow for the point and I'm officially done. It feels like such a big weight lifted off my chest. I'm excited to finally enjoy my life again rather than spend all of my time focused on school and work. I'm excited to make more art, and play new/more video games, and be able to go outside and workout more and skate. I'm so excited to explore Ann Arbor and spend time with my family

Something I've been thinking about a lot is how much I'm going to miss the people around me. I'm going to miss my siblings. I won't be able to spoil them and bring the life to the party when I hang with them and their friends. My little sister loves seeing me because of that. I love that she's so similar to me. I'm gonna miss V and L. They're the two that helped me the most through the entirety of school, hanging me out and uplifting me. helping me study. I'm going to miss F a lot. I worry, but I know he'll do good, and it won't be too long before we see each other again. I think I'll miss W the most though. To be honest, I was terrified of going long distance. I'm such a physical person, and he is too, and I worry that'll have an effect on us. I hope we last, cuz it'll be a few years before we get to see each other normally and live with each other. I worry that the distance will drive us apart. But, I'm optimistic, and we'll hang on VR and chat all the time. I hope everyone will be okay with me being gone. Something that I didn't think about is that I'd worry so much about everyone

I'm excited for this weekend, cuz there will be a party going late to celebrate W and i graduating. I'm hype, and am ready to just party and let go for the first night in a while. It's been so long of me working my ass off to make sure I don't trash this opportunity for myself, and I'm ready to finally be able to breathe.

anyways, I'm gonna go grab some coffee so I can stay awake for the rest of the day. I'm so exhausted and am praying we don't work saturday because i am fucking. tired. Getting like 5 hours of sleep a night for the last two weeks is NOT fun and I am just so ready to sleep for at LEAST 12 hours the first day I actually get to sleep in

[troidatoi]

Day 5 - 9/6/2023

Hello!

I went on a water fast because it was so painful for me to eat and I just didn't want my body to be in pain anymore and I lost 12 pounds. lmao. I cancelled my appointment with my holistic doctor and went to a gastro doctor today and cried before he even came in. He saw that I was crying and immediately asked me what's wrong and gave me tissues. The way I cry over everything should be studied. lol. I guess I was really tired and scared and I have major health anxiety. He was so nice and patient with me. He said he doesn't think I have leaky gut but something else and gave me medication to lessen the symptoms until we can figure out what's wrong. He looked at the test I've taken previously and doesn't think it's accurate so he wants to take it from there. He checked my abdominal area and asked if it hurt when he pushed down on it and I said no and he was like so that's not concerning! That's a good thing. I told him I haven't been eating because I didn't want to deal with the pain and he was like I need you to eat! The holistic doctor was telling me to not eat gluten and all this shit and the gastro was like you can eat whatever you want. lmfao. I like that he was just straight forward and didn't push me to do anything I didn't want to do and was even like we can test you for this and that but it's so expensive and I love doctors who are like we don't want you to spend this much. Healthcare in America is so atrocious. But it was nice that he was so reassuring because I want to fix whatever is going on in my digestive system and be able to eat without pain and not bloat so much. I'm spending so much time and money right now for my health and I hope it's worth the investment so I'm not in so much pain in the future. I just want to eat all the goods things again and I know I will. Thank you to the gastro doctor and I hope he can fix me. Wait, I know he will fix me.

I went to UPS after to return something and it took awhile because someone brought a bunch of boxes to ship out so I was there for a minute but I know there's a shortage of UPS workers so I was patient. I went home after and cried again and took a fat ass nap before going to Erewhon to see one of my besties and trade Dodgers' bobbleheads with him because he's moving to Australia for work. I gave him a Cody Bellinger one and he gave me the new Chris Taylor one that they gave out this year. I think it's times like these where life isn't as terrible because as much I spent a lot of my life resisting the urge to end it, I have to remember that so many people love and care about me. I was there for like 3 fucking hours because we were talking and I wanted a tuna sandwich but they ran out so he asked someone from the deli to make it for me and I also got a slice of pizza. I was lowkey scared to eat it cause gluten! I took the pills the doctor gave me and I feel fine right now. It was nice to eat after not eating for 10 days. The upstairs neighbors also gave us pasta. It kind of reminds you that people are nice to you, you know? Food is definitely a love language of mine. I can't wait until I fix my digestive issues and can eat without pain and have my clothes fit again and not have so much bloat and inflammation. I had a field day today with all the food I ate but I don't regret it and I hope my body was okay with it. Things seem to be looking up. I've been in limbo as of late with the job hunt, with the debt and my health issues but I know that one by one, everything's going to work out. Just one of those phases where you're kind of stuck in this gray area but you know at the end of the day it's going to be okay because you're putting in the work to make sure it's going to be okay. Someone is going to hire me this month, I'm going to fix my digestive system this year, I'll pay off all my debt. There's nothing to worry about and this isn't something I necessarily want to stress over because that doesn't help me at all. Manifesting and claiming with so much love and gratitude. <3

[0nlinejournal]

12/30/2022 9:44pm

I am finally back and chillin'. I had work at my barista job today. Closed with someone new. I don't know if I've mentioned my new job on here yet, but I'm a barista now on top of my production assistant job. I only have one shift a week currently, but I can pick up shifts, and today was one of those picked up shifts. I usually close with a long time friend, but today I closed with someone else. It went better than most of my other closes, honestly. I feel like we worked well together, and he started preclosing pretty early so we got out at a good time. It was also strangely busy, so I made 24 dollars an hour. And that's only it being moderately busy. It's fucking wild how much money they make at that store. With my usual shifts, I still make around 20 an hour, and that's with it being dead most nights. I mean like nobody in the shop for the last two hours dead. It's crazy.

I forgot tomorrow is New Years Eve, and the shop is having a little bowling party at three. I'm going to go, but I also scheduled a hair appointment for three. I forgot about the party. I feel awful because I really want to go. I'm hoping I can just show up a bit late and they'll still be there? Our manager paid for the whole thing, and he's such a nice guy and I know not a lot of people are going. Hopefully it'll just work out, maybe I'll go to my hair appointment early and see if she has the time to take me early. If not, no big deeeaaaallllll.

I've been feeling real weird recently. That feeling where I don't really feel real. I feel like I'm looking through a lens, or a screen. Like I'm watching myself move around and do little tasks. POV life simulator. Roleplaying a normal gal doing normal things. Another feeling I know is a sign of my declining mental state, but also another feeling that I kind of enjoy because it feels so funky. Like woOaaAhhh! WhAt aM i GOinG tO Do nExT?!

I don't know. I simultaneously understand I need help, and should definitely start looking for it, but also I'm not at the worst part yet and I kind of like not caring about anything important for a second. I'm always so stressed and anxious and tired, but I think I broke my brain again and now I'm just doing whatever, still trying to set myself up to be financial stable, but ultimately doing whatever is going to make me happy in the moment. Although, I know that if I have to do something I really don't want to do, it'll probably send me into the depths. So sensitive!

My writing sucks. These entries are so boring and I'm bummed about it. I just don't have the brain juice to make anything sound nice when I finally have the time to sit down and write. Is that just life? Being to tired to use your brain? That's why people do such mind numbing activities, right? Watching tv, playing repetitive video games? Speaking of video games... I'm off to play ESO!

10:02pm

#december #december 30 2022 #journal blog #online journal #daily entry #tumblr journal #spilled ink #personal

[natromanxoff]

Queen live at Civic Auditorium Arena in Omaha, NE, USA - September 13, 1980

(x)

(x)

Fan Stories

“I don't know if anyone has ever been able to appreciate a rock concert as much as I did when I saw Queen at age 7. I knew the order the songs were supposed to be in, the way the stage was supposed to look, and what the band was supposed to do. And everything happened perfectly. Except for that damn mustache. Late summer 1980, I was pestering my mom to take me into town to get candy. She said, "Do you really want to get candy, or would you rather get tickets to see Queen?" I stopped in my tracks and started being the nicest boy you could imagine. I thought maybe she was kidding, but knew she wouldn't kid me about something like that. I guess my dad had already OKd it too. Like Axl Rose once said about Queen: "They meant everything to me." We drove all the way to Omaha to get tickets: they were $9 in advance, or $11 the day of the show if still available (though now I'm not sure how they weren't sold out immediately). I'm still not quite sure why Queen was playing smaller arenas at that point, since I think they had already begun playing stadiums. Finally, September 13 arrived. I was in 2nd grade. Ads had been all over the radio for this concert. One of my baby-sitters and two of her friends rode up with us also, and they went off on their own when we got there. The show was one of those infamous "general admission" things, so our seats depended solely on how early we arrived. I think we got to the arena at about 9 am... almost a full 12 hours before the show actually started (much longer in 7-year-old hours). A single word, "QUEEN", was boldly displayed on the marquee above the many doors where small lines were beginning to form. Excited bands of people were running/gathering everywhere. Queen was one of the biggest five bands in the world at that time: "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" was on the charts, The Game had just been released, and "Another One Bites the Dust" was soon-to-be released as a single. We picked one of the lines and got ready for what was indeed halfway dangerous: the growing mob of people ready to run in when the doors would open. This was a big issue of the time, as it was the year before that 11 people were crushed to death at the turnstiles of a Who concert. (An episode of the TV show W.K.R.P. in Cincinnati even focused on this.) People were starting to press onto the transparent doors trying to look inside, when suddenly there was the sound of tires screeching from the street: a white limousine honked twice and sped around the corner toward the other side of the arena, and was gone within seconds. The "big kids" screamed and ran after it; I was too small to do this, but we got better places in line! When everyone came back, they said they actually saw Freddie and John get out of it and be scuffled into the building before getting attacked by the mob of people. In the meantime, others around us were starting to talk to my mom. Two of them were a man and a lady who were apparently on date, and they ended up even staying by and sitting by us through the show. Some other people also offered to kind of stay around my mom and I to make sure I'd be safe on the way in. A couple of times, a big fat drunk guy yelled out, "Who's your favorite group?" and of course everyone yelled "Queen!"

Now people were beginning to bang on the doors of the entrance. I think the doors finally opened at around 11 am. When they did, we and other people from several sides of the arena moved in, towards those coming in from other doors on opposite sides: within seconds, everyone had funneled from outside to stopping cold in the lobby, having basically run into each other. This is exactly where everyone stayed for the next two hours. A human shield of several people were intact around my mom and I preventing my being crushed... and all I could see for two hours were a bunch of butts! Once in awhile someone would try and lift me up to see all the people. From the distance, the drunk guy again repeated the "Who's your favorite band?" line a couple of times, realizing that more people could hear him now that he was indoors and echoing, and everyone gave the appropriate response. By the fifth time, only the drunk people were responding to him, and by the tenth time people were laughing and moaning. Every so often, some loud music would come out of the arena like a band was tuning-up, but it wasn't Queen music so everyone figured it was just the opening act. At 1 pm, the turnstiles were finally opened. I was kind of keeping my guard around me as everyone pressed forward, and everything was moving faster the closer we got, but by surveying the area I thought I'd be safe. I had my ticket in my hand. The guy from the couple was going to try and enter first, then me, and then my mom. When I got to the turnstiles, my mom and the guy grabbed my arms on both sides and completely hoisted me over. A surprised old man tore my ticket while I was in mid-air. Suddenly, we were standing relatively calmly inside: the difficult part was over, and we were at least safe from here on out. People were still running everywhere and screaming, but the hallways were pretty big so it wasn't too dangerous as long as we stayed toward the edge. Most people were still outside, since we were somewhat early. An older 12-year-old tore around the corner, then his '70s-style tennis shoes screeched against the floor and he fell down for a second as he decided to which way to go. We knew we were sort of on a mission to walk fast toward a balcony and just get seats instead of wandering around indecisively like others. We went straight up toward the second level balcony, as others ran the opposite way down to the main floor. My mom and I and the people we'd befriended walked right next to the wall, and I pressed against it while just a few feet away scattered groups of people would sometimes run by full-speed. I would have wanted to be on the main floor, but my mom had previously explained to me how, unless we were in the balcony, we would have to actually stand through the whole show (there weren't any chairs on the main floor) and would hardly be able to see anything. Plus, along with the horror stories of people running in at the beginning of a rock concert, I had also heard how people supposedly got crushed to death against the stage... so sitting in the balcony was just fine with me. We got two seats in the front of the second balcony, just by the railing to the balcony below. We were on the right side of the arena, about halfway back, so we couldn't complain. Now, I knew this was the beginning of the biggest wait: sitting in the same spot from 1 in the afternoon to about 9 at night.

The main parts of the stage I liked (from viewing the pictures in my Live Killers album) were intact: the steps were lined with lights under Roger's drums, and middle of the main stage had a small plank stage that stuck out for Freddie to walk on, where the crowd could touch him but not too easily. Most of the instruments, and all of Roger's drum set, were covered in giant sheets of plastic. I'd never seen such big speakers; I had a flashback when I saw the black and white photo to the right because that's what they looked like with the house lights up. Throughout the afternoon, the lights in the arena would go out, then come back on... like we were being teased. Finally when it was about time for the opening band, the lights went off longer than usual and the band took the stage. The opening band was someone we had never heard of, and my mom and I both can't even remember who it was now (two people have e-mailed me saying it was a band called "Dakota"). I don't think they had any hits, and then apparently disappeared soon after. The crowd tolerated the first two or three songs. Then, every song ended with "Just one more song!" much to the audience's vocal dismay. I went on a trip to the bathroom, and they were still playing when I came back. Then they left. Ten minutes later, they came back and said "Just one more song!" and I think they played three. People were yelling, "We want Queen!" People were getting harsh to the point it was just uncomfortable even seeing the band on the stage. Everyone cheered when they left. The lights came back on. Another two hours. Just seeing them walk across the stage would have been enough for me, so at that age I really couldn't comprehend being in their presence for a whole two-hour concert. This wait was easier though because every second we knew the show could start. Seeing Queen still seemed like it was too good to be true, like some act of God would occur just before the show to prevent it. Then, the lights went out. There's no feeling like the wait in total darkness just before a Queen concert. It was 10 minutes of black and the loudest screaming I'd ever heard. I remember it was "scary" and so I think Brian might have also been playing the weeping guitar sound like the beginning of the We Will Rock You concert video. It was a good scary feeling though, like going up the first hill of a roller coaster. After several minutes of intense darkness and the crowd screaming, when I felt like my ears didn't have room for any more sound to enter (though I loved it), the even louder sound of thunder clapped across the arena with an incredibly blinding light. I could see everyone on the main floor have to turn completely around in unison toward the back of the arena because the lights were so bright. I kept trying to glance at the stage to see what was happening, but it was too bright to see anything... plus, in between the flashes, it was too dark to see anything. It was sort of an unnerving state, being totally blinded in that big of a place with that many people, and coming to the realizaton that it would be unthinkable to actually move around and that we were basically helpless. I was holding my mom's hand. Queen had the whole crowd paralyzed in their tracks before the show even began.

I'm not sure if the lights all rose up like in the We Will Rock You video or not (since we couldn't see), or if they were already raised because of the opening band. Eventually the thunder and noise turned to music. Finally, through my wincing, Freddie Mercury was suddenly in front of my own little eyes on the front extended stage in all the smoke. I'd never even seen a celebrity in person before, much less my idol at the time. I didn't think they would open with the fast version of "We Will Rock You" for some reason, since that's at the beginning of the Live Killers album and I thought they would want to do something different, but was surprised that they opened with a non-Queen song: "Jailhouse Rock". The stage looked similar to that in the We Will Rock You concert video, with the smaller panels of lights replacing the single giant panel from previous tours; however, I'm certain there was at least another entire, higher level of moving lights (not only from seeing them at the concert, but also looking at the pictures for years afterwards). The lights in the We Will Rock You video seem extremely cut-back. Instead of one row of panels of lights across the back of the stage, the panels were all over the place and the ones above the band moved straight up and down on poles and tilted back and forth. There were also little men somehow sitting amongst the panels who manually operated at least a dozen spotlights, and more guys doing this from a small section hanging down from the ceiling at the middle of the arena. Since the spotlights were directed from the top of the arena, there wasn't a big bulky spotlight booth in the middle of the main floor taking up space, and the audio booth was placed along the right side of the arena (down not to far from us) so it wasn't in anyone's way. In the darkness between a lot of the songs, flashlights darted around the stage... we couldn't figure out if it was the band or engineers setting things up. Thankfully, no one came out on stage before the show to announce the band (I've always thought this is really cheesy). Freddie had on those red leather pants with the blue knee-pads... and, unfortunately, that ugly mustache! "What do you think about my new mustache?" Freddie asked. (Mixed applause.) "Some people don't like it, but I just say 'fu** 'em.'" (Crowd goes wild.). Freddie drank some water, then tossed the rest out onto the crowd along with his cup. He tossed his tambourine out later, and I couldn't imagine what it would actually be like to touch it. Freddie also had that long silver microphone stand that he always danced around with in the videos. He was running all over the place; one second he was on the plank at our side of the arena, the next at the other side. The three high school girls who rode up with us were excited because when he went to the end of one of the planks he ended up level and close to them in the balcony (but upset because, had one not been on crutches, they would have stayed on the main floor where Freddie tossed his tambourine!). Once or twice I remember looking into the middle of the arena and some kind of explosion occurred in mid-air (apparently launched from the lighting duct at the top of the arena). There weren't that many lighters in the audience, but instead everyone was using those green glow-sticks that come out around Halloween (I think these were new at the time). The audience kept throwing their green glow sticks up on the stage until at times it was covered, and more than once Brian kicked off some back into the audience (and I think he might have been getting upset but I'm not sure!).

There were numerous parts of the show I knew had to be there... and they all were. The first was the "scary" sound effects and section of "Get Down, Make Love", where Queen showed off their lights. (At that age, I thought the erotic sound effects were simply supposed to represent the monster breaking-in on the cover of News of the World). Smoke shrouded the band, as the panels of lights took over and moved around to the audience's ooohs and aaahs. My mom and I were trying to figure out what was on Roger's bass drum, since it didn't look like an album cover; it turned out to be the white "face" design, also in the We Will Rock You video. Back then, concerts didn't have big video screens, so we just had to use the binoculars that we'd brought. Some spotlights were gathering on Freddie and Brian as they went to sit on two stools toward the right of the stage, and my mom got excited because we knew "Love of My Life" was coming. Freddie announced, "This is our first time in Omaha... " as the song started, and got the crowd to sing along like on the Live Killers album. Meanwhile, I had become a source of info for those around who wanted to know what the songs were; every time a new song would start, people would ask me what it was! I really don't know if anyone has ever actually been able to appreciate a concert as much as I did that night: I was only 7, but had every album except the first two, and knew every song they played except maybe two or three. But what's interesting is how fans often wish they could experience how a "classic" band was 20 years prior... and this is strangely how I felt I was experiencing the show, because at my age it seemed like Queen had been around 20 years. There were parts of the show, including the stage design, that were "legendary" to me, but were only 2-3 years old in reality. Now, 20 years later, they're legendary to everyone else. Periodically, the guy next to me changed the tape in his "hidden" tape recorder. We knew the show was close to the end when "Bohemian Rhapsody" began. Everyone clapped to the pre-recorded opera section, and as the Live Killers liner notes say: "The audience and the lights take care of the rest." The crowd went nuts when Roger hit the famous gong at the end.

I think there were two or three more songs, and then everything went black for about 10 minutes. Could it be that they were actually not going to play the standard "We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions/God Save the Queen" closing? The house lights may have even come on for awhile, then went back off. A few people were starting to leave, and I kept telling my mom that they had to end the concert that way, because that's the only way a Queen concert ends... but then even I was having doubts. Finally, the yellow lights around the gong all turned on, pointing directly on Roger, who started the drums of "We Will Rock You" and everyone stomped their feet and clapped. Of course "We Are the Champions" was next, and Freddie shook some of the hands flailing in front of the stage while singing it. I remember there was one hand jumping up and down that never got shook! Freddie bent his neck way back when he sang "... of the world!" at the very end like I knew he was supposed to from videos on TV, and we hoped for another song but knew that was probably going to be it. A grand finale of Queen's famous pyrotechnics began shooting everywhere from the stage, the lights were all moving around, and everyone was jumping all over in the aisles. Soon the pre-recorded Night at the Opera version of "God Save the Queen" did begin playing...but, nobody really sang to it since this is America and no one knows the words! At this point, I tried to make sure I was truly fathoming what it was like to actually see the band members in front of me since they'd be gone soon. Freddie was still dancing around and danced out a little door behind the drums, and the rest of the band followed one-by-one, with John being last as he waved to everybody one last time. The lights flickered and moved some more to the rest of the song, slowly going dark along with the rest of the arena, with the final rise of the crowd's applause. Perfect. Except for that damn mustache. We walked down what seemed like endless spiraling stairs on the way out...extremely slowly this time. My ears had that weird "ringing" feeling like everyone said I'd have, but that I'd never experienced before. Spotlights were panning the sky outside. We said goodbye to the couple we'd been with during the show. A guy in his late 20s started talking to us on the long way out; he laughed and told me how he'd also had to argue with his mom who said Queen would never come to Omaha. My mom asked him if he thought I'd even remember the whole thing since I was so little. He looked down at me, saw my grin from ear-to-ear, and said, "He'll never forget this."” - Jim

#queen #queen band #roger taylor #freddie mercury #brian may #john deacon #queen concerts

[adhd-sorcha]

hi again! thank you for answering my last ask, it was super helpful! since you mentioned stimming not being one of the main symptoms to look for in adhd, what are better symptoms to watch out for? i think i've got the inattentive type of adhd, or maybe combination. i hope i'm not asking too many questions or bothering you too much! :)

Hello again! There’s absolutely no problem with asking plenty of questions. All of this stuff can be difficult to navigate on your own.

Just for anyone who’s unfamiliar, ADHD traits are broken into two main categories: 1) Inattentive 2) Hyperactive/Impulsive Depending on where most of your traits lie, your ADHD will be classed as predominantly inattentive, predominantly hyperactive/impulsive or combined. Generally, you’ll get one of the ‘predominantly’ diagnoses if you only meet the diagnostic criteria for one of the two categories.

Here is  a link to a PDF of the DSM 5 entry for ADHD

Here is a link to the criteria on another web page (Not a PDF. This has slightly more simplified wording. At the end of the page there is a link to a PDF of a screener used for ADHD assesments in adults. It’s interesting to read as it goes through each of the 18 DSM criteria and lists examples of behaviours that those criteria refer to. Handy! Because it’s not always clear what exactly counts as a yes or a no with the DSM...)

Now, that’s just some reading you could do, but I’ll give a short list of what I think are the big ones to watch out for as someone who has the inattentive sub-type.

1) Difficulty with tasks that require sustained focus  - Like...writing posts? ...ehe. - Or essays. Or cleaning the bathroom...  - You may take breaks between each step (Hello scrolling on my phone between taking a shower and drying my hair!) - Can become very tired very quickly if forced to focus

2) Avoiding tasks that require sustained focus  - Looks like chronic procrastination - May include, avoiding my very long posts XD

3) Spacing out while other people are speaking directly to you  - I find this is especially true for when someone is giving verbal instructions. - (RIP all those people trying to explain calculations to me without writing anything down T_T)

4) Spacing out while speaking yourself. 

5) Completely losing your train of thought mid-sentence but you haven’t spaced out. - You’re fully conscious of that fact that you are speaking right now, but your brain has suddenly blanked on what you were speaking about/suddenly can’t even remember what the rest of the conversation was, no mind say where you were trying to take it! - Feels like someone suddenly wiped your brain

6) Having difficulty recalling words  - “Can you pass me the.........thing??”

7) Little to no concept of time - May have difficulty reading clocks - Have no internal sense of time/not able to guess how much time has passed  - Struggles with concepts like “I have an appointment next week” or “My friend’s birthday is next month”, - May not be able to prepare appropriately for things that are happening in the future because of this (I’m a terror for forgetting to buy presents for birthday’s that I knew were coming!)

8) Difficulty with organisation or prioritising tasks - Kind of related to 7 - With no proper sense of ‘the future’ it can be a challenge to organise your to-dos or to even pick which hobbies to do today - Choice paralysis can come into this too. We often struggle to choose what should be done now when we have too many options.

9) Having an ‘all-or-nothing’ attitude to tasks - Either the whole thing gets done now, or none of it gets done - Also can be related to 7

10) The more steps a task has, the more likely you are to avoid it - These steps can be as small as ‘need to open the cupboard door to get the food out’, ‘take lid off of wash basket’

11) Sensory issues - You may have certain textures or sounds that are particularly uncomfortable/cause you pain when they seem to have no effect on anyone else - Maybe you keep the brightness turned down on all your screens? - Maybe you avoid busy, noisy places?

12) Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) and emotional dysregulation - RSD = an exaggerated response to real or perceived rejection or criticism - This can contribute to procrastination as well as a need to be ‘perfect’ - People with ADHD have difficulty regulating emotions and may have big responses to things - This is a big part of why people (especially AFAB people) are so often misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder before getting their ADHD diagnosis.

13) Hyperfocus - A really intense form of focus that is difficult to come out of. - May go hours working on a task without eating, drinking, going to the bathroom, moving - Won’t even notice time passing (not really a surprise considering no.7!)

14) Daydreaming. All the daydreaming. So. Much. Daydreaming. - Maybe even to the point of maladaptive daydreaming - If not, may still experience immersive daydreaming

Okay, this was meant to be a short list! I’m going to stop here because I feel like I could go on forever! There is plenty of more examples in the screening test at the end of the page of the second link. It goes into the hyperactive/impulsive traits too, which I don’t particularly experience.

Even reading over this I’m thinking of more examples of traits but if I make this too long, people with ADHD will probably struggle to read it T_T 

I tried to include some stuff that you don’t normally see in diagnostic criteria because they are usually based on what we look like to other people.

#answered asks #the-blackberry-system #adhd #actually adhd #adhd traits #long post #again XD #woops #i don't know how to shut up #i've checked the links so they should work #but technology can be tricksy #so let me know if they're not working for ye

[cocastyle]

The In-Between Chapter 6

Stranger Things x It Crossover

with some Bill Denbrough x reader

Word Count - 7,455

Warning - cursing (if people don’t like that kind of stuff)

A/N- so I kind of got carried away with this chapter and wrote over 7000 words lol, but I couldn’t really split this chapter up considering what’s about to come in the next chapter so I just left it as is (the next chapter is going to have so many interactions with the two groups you won’t be ready!) I really hope you all like this chapter because I worked hard on it and am actually really proud of the way it turned out! leave a comment with your thoughts on the chapter and with any predictions that you have for the future🤩

if you would like to be added to the tag list, let me know!

T H E I N - B E T W E E N

Intro The Losers’ Club The Party Prolouge 1 2

3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 Epilogue

"Wh-Wh-What is she doing?" Bill whispered as he gently nudged Y/N's side.

The girl stared ahead at Eleven who was busy putting a radio on a station that only had static playing before she glanced at Bill. She sent him a small smile that had him blushing and smiling back. "You'll see," she whispered.

Y/N let out a small gasp as she remembered something and quickly disappeared up the stairs and into her house before returning a few seconds later with a cloth in her hand. She walked over and handed it to Eleven who gave her a small smile before beginning to fold it and wrap it around her eyes like a blindfold.

"A blindfold?" Richie asked. He then smirked before winking in Eleven's direction. "Kinky. Now all we need is some handcuffs and-"

"Beep beep Richie!" the Losers Club cried out while the Party all looked at Richie in disgust.

Y/N shook her head at the boy before looking to the Party with an apologetic smile, "Sorry about him. He hadn't quite matured yet if you can't tell."

"Hey!" Richie complained.

"Oh hush," Y/N told him making the boy pout. She chuckled and ruffled his hair much to his annoyance before she turned her attention back to Eleven who was finished setting up.

"Remember, you have to be quiet," Y/N reminded the Losers, making a point to stare at Richie longer than the others. They all nodded before looking to Eleven who was now sitting on the ground, the radio static playing behind her.

The room was so quiet that one could have heard a pin drop. The prospect of Eleven doing something that could help them with their mission to find Mine being enough to make even Richie keep his mouth shut.

It took a minute, but Eleven suddenly let out a small gasp before whispering, "Mike."

Y/N noticed Wheeler frown a little at that seeing as she was talking about a different Mike instead of him. It was unusual that was for sure and Y/N had thought it was weird knowing two Mikes as well when she first moved to Derry. But since she had called him Wheeler since they were kids, calling Mike Hanlon by his first name hadn't been too weird for her.

"I. . .I see him," Eleven whispered out making the Losers all furrow their eyebrows and look to Y/N confused. She just gave them a look and gestured towards Eleven in response and they all looked back to the girl who had some blood starting to peak out from her nose.

"He. . .He's hiding by some water," Eleven said.

"The quarry," Y/N muttered as she looked to the others. Their eyes widened slightly and they watched as Y/N walked over and bent down in front of her friend.

Y/N reached out and gently took ahold of Eleven's hand, the girl instantly latching onto hers in return. "Tell Mike that we're coming for him," Y/N whispered, tears springing in her eyes. "Tell him he's going to be okay."

"Your friends. . .they're coming for you. Hang in there, Mike. You're going to be okay," Eleven muttered, although Y/N knew she was talking to Mike Hanlon.

"Hurry," a voice suddenly came from the radio causing the Losers and Y/N to jump in surprise at the sound of their friend's voice. "Please hurry."

Eleven's face then scrunched up in pain and she let out a loud gasp before ripping the blindfold from her face. Her eyes frantically looked around before locking with Y/N's. "He's okay," she assured him. Y/N wiped away her tears and gave Eleven a small smile before hugging her friend in thanks.

"What the fuck was that?”

The two girls pulled away from each other to see the Losers looking more confused then ever. "What the fuck just happened?" Richie questioned, his eyes wide. "What did she do and how the hell does she know that Mike is okay?"

Y/N took in a deep breath before standing up and slowly approaching her friends. "Guys, so Eleven kind of has these powers. She was able to mentally connect with Mike and get a picture of where he was and give him a message," Y/N explained.

"I'm sorry. What?" Stan asked confused.

"Powers like superpowers?" Ben questioned.

"I guess," Y/N replied. "I know it's hard to understand but-"

"Hard to understand? It's crazy! You know what, I'm calling bullshit," Richie announced.

"But Mike's voice-" Y/N began.

"We don't even know if that was his voice because all I could hear was a bunch of fucking static! How am I supposed to believe you when the only thing that I saw happen was that girl get a fucking nosebleed and bleed all over your basement?" Richie asked.

Wheeler narrowed his eyes at the boy and went over to his girlfriend who he helped off the ground while Eleven wiped the blood from her nose. He was about to say something when he saw Y/N raise an eyebrow at the boy and cross her arms.

"You want proof? Evidence?" Y/N questioned, not a look of hesitation on her face. Richie was silent before nodding his head. "Okay, asshole. Here's your fucking proof."

She then walked over to one of the closet doors of the basement before opening it and walking back over to the group. Richie was about to question her when the door slammed shut making him and the other Losers all jump in surprise.

The door then began to open and slam shut repeatedly and Richie was hesitant before he turned to look at Eleven who had one hand up in the air. The door slammed shut for a final time and Eleven lowered her hand before wiping the small bit of blood below her nose away.

"Holy shit! She's an X-Men!" Eddie exclaimed in disbelief making Dustin chuckle since he had thought the same thing when he first met Eleven.

Y/N smirked and looked to Richie while the other Losers and the Party watched the girl in amusement. "That enough proof for you?" she asked.

Richie made a face in response and Y/N chuckled before looking between the groups and clapping her hands together. "Now. . .we may know that Mike is okay right now, but that doesn't mean he will be forever. We need to start making plans and preparing because first thing after school tomorrow, we are going to the Well House to save Mike and kill those other motherfuckers before it's too late. Everyone okay with that?" Y/N announced.

The Parry and the Losers' Club all nodded in agreement and Y/N smirked.

"Great. Let's get to work."

- - -

Bill bit his lip in concentration as he used a ruler to draw lines through the map of Derry. His job, and the job of all the Losers, was to split a map of Derry up into four different sectors. When they left to go find Mike tomorrow, half of the whole group would be staying behind while the other half broke off into pairs and searched the specific sections of the Upside Down's version of Derry.

Since the Upside Down was pretty much a replica of the real world, Y/N had thought it would be a good idea to use a map of Derry to break up the sections. Because the Losers knew Derry the best, they had offered to split the map up while the Party got weapons ready seeing as they knew what would work best against a demogorgon if it were to attack.

Y/N had started out with the Losers at first, but it hadn't taken long for her to migrate over to the Party whom she had been spending the last hour with. The Losers hadn't thought much of it at first, but they couldn't help but notice the way she seemed to totally forget about them as she laughed and joked around with the Party, a smile on her face that looked nothing like the usual smile they got to see.

Bill had to force himself not to look up, reminding himself that Y/N was just excited to see her friends again. That's why Bill had put all his effort into the maps he was making, Beverly being the only other person to help him while Stan, Ben, Eddie, and Richie all watched Y/N and the Party with frowns on their faces and jealously coursing through their blood.

Glares were on the four boys faces and they only narrowed their eyes more at the sight of Y/N with her arms linked with Will as she talked to Steve and Lucas. "She forgot about us," Stan whispered softly, sadness laced in his voice despite his angered appearance.

"I can't believe it," Ben muttered, feeling awful at the idea that the Party made Y/N happier than they did. Him and the others could tell by the look of pure joy on her face just how much happier she was around the Party and that only fueled their jealousy more.

"Well believe it, Benny. We're yesterday's news," Richie frowned, glaring slightly as a bitter taste filled his mouth.

"Look how happy they make her. I don't think I've ever made her laugh that hard," Eddie muttered sadly as he too came to the realization that Y/N was happier around the Party than she was around them.

"It's cause you're not funny, Eds," Richie shot back. "No wonder Y/N left us. We're a bunch of losers literally."

"Sh-Sh-Shut up," Bill called out, tired of their behavior and tones.

Richie whirled around so fast that he whacked Eddie who let out a cry of protest. "Are you fucking kidding me?" he said as he looked at Bill in disbelief. When Bill didn't look up, Richie stomped over to his friend. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Are you really so blind that you don't see your girl over there with her arms fucking linked with another boy? He's stealing her right in front of your eyes, dumbass. How are you not the slightest bit mad or jealous?" Richie asked. "Cause me being Y/N's friend and seeing her talking to them and not us is making me mad and I'm not the one that had a crush on her."

Bill frowned at that and looked up, but he froze at the sight of Y/N  laughing at something Dustin had told her as she leaned into Will and wiped at her tears. Her arm was linked with Will's like Richie had said and she was resting her head on his shoulder as she looked up at Dustin with a huge grin on her face.

Bill's heart broke at the sight.

Bill cleared his throat and quickly looked away, blinking fast to keep the tears from coming. "Sh-Sh-She's not my g-g-girl. She can d-d-do whatever the h-h-hell she w-w-wants," he muttered.

Richie felt a wave of guilt wash over him once he realized how upset he had just made his friend, but Y/N's laughter had him turning back to look at her, a new wave of anger washing over him at the fact that she was now hurting Bill without even knowing it.

"How can someone be that funny? I mean, there's no way!" Richie exclaimed.

"Aren't they supposed to be gathering weapons anyways? Not joking around?" Stan asked.

"They did gather weapons," Ben pointed out as he gestured towards the few crowbars, bats, and other weapons they had gathered. "They even got flashlights and rope."

"Still, how are they so funny? Especially that Wheeler kid. She must be laughing at how funny looking he is," Richie concluded making the others raise their eyebrows at him.

Beverly rolled her eyes at Richie before glancing at Bill who was busy glaring at Will and Dustin. Beverly scoffed and stood up causing the Losers to all snap their attention over to her.

"Are you all being serious right now?" Beverly asked while the boys all gave her confused looks, not understanding what she was getting at. "You know that Y/N cares about each of you more than life itself, but you also need to understand that she can care about other people just as much. They were her first friends, guys. That group went through so much shit together just like we have and they haven't seen each other in two whole years!"

The boys didn't respond and Beverly just gave them an angry look as she narrowed her eyes. "I swear to God if Y/N hears one word from your jealous asses I will kill you. Now stop being self conscious pussies and be happy for your friend," she spat before she stormed away from the group and over to the Party.

They watched as Y/N's eyes lit up at the sight of Beverly before she grabbed the girl's arm and pulled her over to Max and Eleven, the four girls instantly falling into conversation. The boys all felt a wave of guilt wash over them, but none of them felt like going over and trying to talk to Y/N or the rest of the members of the Party.

It took only a minute before Richie, Eddie, Stan and Ben returned to their complaining as they watched their friend, but Bill took the longest to return back to what he had been doing before. His eyes were still on Y/N and his heart ached as he watched her.

He knew there was some truth to Beverly's words, but it was hard to believe everything she said after he had seen how happy Y/N was. How come he couldn't make her laugh like that? Or smile like that?

He would do anything to be in the receiving end of that smile. Hell, he would probably swoon at the sight.

Did she not like him the way he thought she had? For a moment he had thought she maybe returned his feelings, but now he wasn't so sure. If she had then he would be able to make her that happy, right?

Bill let out a small sigh and took in a deep breath before going back to the maps, trying everything in his power not to let his feelings get to him so much. But even he couldn't stop the one traitor tear from falling down his face as he realized he would never be able to make Y/N as happy as he had hoped.

If only he knew how he looked in Y/N's eyes. Then maybe he wouldn't have doubted himself and maybe he wouldn't have ended up hurting her later that night.

- - -

"Y/N!" Eleven cried out as she jumped onto the girl from behind, a laugh escaping her lips as she wrapped her arms around her giggling friend who had been busy sorting through the weapons with Steve and Wheeler.

"El!" Y/N mockingly yelled back as she looked over her shoulder at her friend.

Eleven chuckled and got off of her before glancing over at Steve and Wheeler. "I'm going to steal her for a few minutes," she said. She didn't bother waiting for a response from the boys before she was dragging Y/N away and over to where Beverly and Max were sitting.

"No, yeah I love your hair! I always wanted to try and cut mine short, but I'm afraid it will turn out bad," Max said as she looked at Beverly's haircut. "Who cut your hair because it looks so good!"

"I did actually," Beverly told her.

"No way!" Max gasped. "It looks so good, Beverly!"

"Thanks," Beverly said before she happened to notice Eleven and Y/N walking up to them. "Oh, hey Y/N!"

"Hey," Y/N greeted as Max also turned to look at her friends. Max's eyes lit up at the sight of the girl and she was quick to stand up before her and Eleven practically shoved Y/N into the place Max had just been sitting.

"Woah, okay," Y/N muttered as she adjusted herself so that she was more comfortable. When she looked back up, Eleven and Max were looking at her expectantly while Beverly gave her an apologetic smile.

"What?" Y/N asked, her eyes narrowing in curiosity as she wondered what her friends were up to.

"So we've been talking to Beverly," Max began. "She was telling us some funny stories about you when we heard some interesting stuff and-"

"Tell us about you and Bill!" Eleven interrupted, her eyes shining with excitement as she clasped her hands together and tucked them under her chin.

Y/N's eyes widened. "Me and Bill? Wh-What about me and Bill?" she asked. "We're just friends."

Max and Eleven both gave each other a look before raising their eyebrows at their friend. "Come on. We can tell by the way you look at him that you like him. Just admit it," Max prompted.

"What?" Y/N asked, her voice high and her face a dark shade of red. "Me like Bill?"

"Friends don't lie. You like him, Y/N. Admit it," Eleven insisted.

Y/N blushed even more before burying her face into her hands. "Okay, I like him," she whispered, not looking up to watch as her friends let out squeals and began to whack each other.

"We knew it!" Max exclaimed. "Beverly already told us, but like, we knew it!"

Y/N lifted her head to glance over at Beverly who smiled sheepishly. "They did already know it," Beverly said.

"So it's that obvious?" Y/N asked with wide eyes filled with horror at the thought of Bill knowing that she liked him.

"To everyone but you two," Eleven said.

"Yeah, Bill's kind of oblivious," Beverly agreed. "I don't think he knows."

Y/N let out a small sigh of relief causing Max to raise an eyebrow. "Would it be so bad if he did?" the red head asked.

"I mean, I guess not," Y/N whispered as she looked down. She would love to be able to tell Bill how she felt, to let him know just how much he meant to her even if he didn't feel the same way.

"But," Beverly said, already knowing that wasn't all the girl had to say.

"What if it ruins our friendship? What if he doesn't feel the same way?" Y/N asked.

The three girls' mouths dropped open at the same time before they all laughed. "First of all, he does feel the same way. It's obvious just by the way he looks at you like you're an angel walking on this earth," Max said.

"Secondly, it won't ruin your friendship," Eleven told her.

"What they said. I'm pretty sure that even if you and Bill went south that you two would still be friends. You two have been close ever since you moved here, Y/N. He wouldn't be the type of person to push you away like that. Besides, I wouldn't let him and I'm sure El and Max wouldn't either," Beverly said.

"Yeah, we'd beat his ass," Max agreed while Eleven nodded her head in agreement.

Y/N chuckled and smiled softly at her friends. "Thanks. I love you all so much," she said causing Eleven, Max, and Beverly to smile before they pulled the girl in for a group hug.

When they pulled away, they thankfully let the topic of Bill drop. Max and Eleven began talking to Beverly about her hair again and about her relationship with Ben while Y/N slowly zoned out.

She let her eyes flicker over to Bill who was across the room still working on the maps and trying to fold them. As if sensing her gaze, his eyes flickered up and locked with hers. Y/N sent a small smile in his direction, but to her surprise he didn't even smile before he just looked down at the maps again.

Y/N blinked in surprise before quickly looking away with a sad look on her face, not noticing the way that Bill looked back up at her sadly after.

- - -

It was around eleven o'clock that night before Y/N heard Ben call out, "We'll see you in the morning, Y/N!"

The girl quieted down her laughter and looked away from Lucas and Wheeler and over to where Beverly and Ben were standing by the stairs. Y/N was quick to get up and she smiled as she made her way across the room to hug both Ben and Beverly.

At the sight of her smile and the fact that she had left her other friends just to hug him goodbye, Ben suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he realized how wrong he had been earlier for judging the girl and for complaining about her hanging out with her other friends.

"Night, guys. I'll see you in the morning," Y/N said before pulling away to look for the others. Her smile slowly disappeared once she realized that Richie, Eddie, Stan, and Bill were all gone.

"Where. . .where did the others go?" Y/N questioned as she looked to Ben and Beverly confused.

Ben looked down at his shoes before saying, "They all left a little bit ago. Bill went first and then Richie, Eddie, and Stan followed not too long after."

"Why?" Y/N asked, trying not to sound upset. "They didn't even start goodbye."

Ben didn't respond and Y/N frowned before saying, "Uh. . .I guess I'll see you guys in the morning, yeah?"

Beverly and Ben nodded with small smiles before turning to go up the stairs. "Bye, Y/N," the two called out before disappearing into the night.

Y/N kind of stood there for a moment after the door closed behind them, her thoughts racing as she tried to think of a reason for her friends' sudden departure. Had she done something wrong? Were they okay?

Hands on her shoulders made her jump slightly, but she instantly relaxed when she looked over her shoulder to see Steve standing right behind her. He titled his head slightly and gave her one of his warm smiles before asking with a hint of worry on his voice, "You okay, squirt?"

Y/N turned completely to face him before smiling softly and hugging the boy. She dug her face into his side and he wrapped his arms around her with no questions asked. Y/N was silent as she breathed in his scent, a small feeling of familiarity and her childhood washing over her.

"I'm doing good," she whispered, her heart warm due to the fact that her two friend groups had finally met and she had them both by her side. "I'll be better when Mike's home though. He's so sweet and kind. We like to go out to his farm sometimes and I'll help him with the animals. You're going to love him."

"As long as he's not like Trashmouth, I'm sure I will," Steve laughed making Y/N chuckle softly as she pulled away to look at the boy.

"Oh, Richie's not that bad. He can take things far and curse most of the time, but he's got a kind heart and he is probably one of the best people you'll meet once you really get to know him," Y/N said, a smile on her face as she talked about her friend.

"They all are in fact. I mean, you've got Stan who is easy to relate with. When he knows I'm having a bad day, he always takes me bird watching and doesn't pester me with what's wrong, only stays by my side so I'm not alone. Then there's Ben who is the sweetest little human being you'll ever meet. He's the boy that will go to the library all the time with me just to research random things."

"We've got Eddie who is practically the mother of the group sometimes. He cares about my health more than I do and is always making sure that I'm okay. There's a little hammock in one of the group's hang out spots and he'll always sit with me and we'll read comics together. Then you've got Beverly who's a total badass. I tell her practically everything and I swear she knows more about me than I do. Every Saturday morning, we take a break from the boys and will go out to breakfast and catch up."

"Finally, you've got Bill. He's the one that I'm closest to out of all of them. He was my first real friend and helped me a lot on my first day of school," Y/N said. She looked down and smiled fondly as she whispered, "I'll never be able to pay him back for what he's done for me." She was quiet for a second before looking up at Steve and saying, "He means a lot to me. They all do really."

Steve smiled softly at the girl as she rambled in about her friends, a warm feeling of relief washing over him as he realized that Y/N has been fine and loved over the past two years.

"You really care about those friends of yours, huh?" Steve asked, a knowing look on his face.

Y/N smiled fondly and nodded her head as she softly said, "They're my best friends. I would do anything for them just like I would for you guys."

Steve's smile grew slightly at that, thankful that Y/N had some pretty great friends by her side. Y/N smiled back before turning to check and make sure that the weapons and maps were ready. Once she knew that they were, she clapped her hands together once before saying to the Party, "Okay, now that we have a plan to head out after school tomorrow and everything is all set up. . .who wants to watch a movie?"

The Party all perked up at that. "Yes! Star Wars please!" Will exclaimed.

"What? No, let's watch Back to the Future," Dustin complained.

"I vote Star Wars," Max agreed.

"Me too," Lucas said.

"No, guys. Back to the Future all the way," Wheeler argued while Eleven nodded her head in agreement.

"Back to the Future's the one where the mom is trying to hook up with her son, right?" Steve asked.

"I mean that's not the point of the movie, but yes," Y/N said with a small laugh.

"Okay, I vote that one," Steve said.

"Sorry, Will. I've got to go with Back to the Future which means that Back to the Future wins," Y/N said making the boy pout. Y/N just gave him a small smile which he returned before she gestured towards the stairs that led up to her house. "I'll be back."

In just a matter of minutes, Y/N had sprinted upstairs and found the movie. She had received a call from her parents a few hours before about how they had a last minute business conference an hour away that they had to go to and would be gone for the next couple of days, so it was no surprise that no one was around when she was running around trying to find the movie.

Upon finding the movie, Y/N began to make her way towards the basement when she paused next to the phone. She stared at it in silence for a moment before setting the movie down, picking up the phone, and dialing the number that she knew by heart due to the many late night conversations she had with the person on the other end of the line.

"H-H-Hello?"

"Bill?" Y/N said. "It's Y/N."

"Oh. H-H-Hi, Y/N," Bill muttered.

Y/N frowned slightly, but shrugged it off. "I just wanted to call and see if you were okay. You left early, so I wasn't sure if something was wrong," she said.

"I'm f-f-fine," Bill replied, leaving his reply at that and his tone coming out colder and sharper than usual.

Y/N blinked in surprise before nervously chuckling, "Oh, okay. That's good. Why. . .why did you leave without saying goodbye?"

"I w-w-was just tired which I s-s-still am. I'll s-s-see you in the m-m-morning, okay?" Bill told her.

"Oh, okay. Um. . .goodni-" but before Y/N could finish what she asked saying, the boy had hung up. Y/N stood there in silence, her grip on the phone loosening slightly as tears began to fill her eyes. Swallowing thickly, the girl blinked rapidly to stop her tears before taking in a deep breath.

Bill is just tired, she reminded herself. He's not trying to be mean.

Once she had calmed herself down, Y/N put a smile on her face and bounded down the stairs of her basement to have a movie night with her friends. They had all passed out within an hour, Y/N with her head against Steve's side, her feet in Dustin's lap and Will's head on her stomach. Just below them on the floor were Wheeler and Eleven cuddled up together and Max and Lucas doing the same thing.

Y/N found herself looking around the group for a quick second as she drifted in and out of consciousness. She couldn't help but smile as she remembered the nights like these that they used to have before she left Hawkins. Nancy and Jonathan had been with them too and Joyce and Hopper had been the ones to cover them all with blankets while they slept.

So with her friends surrounding her, Y/N fell asleep with memories of Hawkins and her old life filling her head.

- - -

Y/N didn't know what to think when she woke up the next day to find that everyone in the Losers' Club except for Beverly weren't talking to her. Bill hadn't even been waiting for her that morning like he usually did before they rode to school together.

Everyone was either avoiding her like Bill was or being weird and looking uncomfortable around her like Eddie was. Y/N didn't know what she had done wrong, so she went through the day having no one but Beverly by her side.

Y/N almost felt bad for having chosen to wear Bill's jacket to school that day, a sinking feeling in her gut as she thought that maybe that was only making Bill more mad at her. Beverly wouldn't tell her why he or the others were and at her in the first place, so Y/N didn't even know how to fix anything.

This meant that when lunch rolled around, it was even quieter than usual. It was actually completely silent and not even Richie had some snarky thing to say. The group all just ate their food in silence with Y/N sparing sad glances in her friends' directions while Beverly glared at the boys, pissed at the way they were acting.

Y/N tried to strike up a conversation a few times, but it always received a one word answer in response before silence followed. After a while, Y/N gave up and most of the lunch period was spent with the boys staring at their meals while Y/N stared at them with a saddened and hurt expression.

It wasn't until everyone was getting ready to leave that Y/N let out a sigh and said, "Hey, I don't know what I did, but I just wanted to tell you guys thank you for being so nice to my friends last night."

This surprised the group and they all slowly looked up at her, finally allowing their eyes to lock on her face.

"Those guys mean about as much to me as you guys do and I've been wanting to introduce you all for so long. I really hoped you guys liked them. Anyway, I'm rambling, but I really appreciate it," she told them as she gave them all a small smile despite the tears that had begun to fill her eyes.

The group all stared at her in silence as the bell rang behind them, signaling that the lunch period was over. Y/N let out another sigh and stood up as she grabbed her things. "Uh. . .I'll see you guys later," she whispered before hurrying away from the table and out of the cafeteria, leaving the boys feeling guilty.

Beverly shook her head at the boys as she stood up. "You guys are ridiculous. Not only did you not give her friends a chance last night, but now you're punishing Y/N for talking to her other friends instead of you by ignoring her? I'm disappointed in all of you," she said.

Her eyes flickered over to Bill and they narrowed. "Especially you, Bill. We all know you care about her, so why the hell would you treat her the way that you have been? She told me about the phone call last night. She called to check and see if your dumbass was okay and you were rude and snippy with her before you had the audacity to hang up on her? What the fuck were you thinking?" she asked in disbelief.

"You all need to apologize to Y/N for the way you have been acting. She has talked so highly of you to the others and you all have done nothing but prove her wrong. There's no way we are going to be able to help Mike and defeat the Upside Down and It with you all sad and not thinking straight. So man up and go apologize before you lose her for real," Beverly spat before she angrily got up from the table and stormed out of the cafeteria, no doubt going to try and find Y/N.

"Did you see how upset Y/N looked when she left?" Eddie whispered, a sinking feeling in his stomach as he broke the moment of silence that had fallen over them after Beverly left.

"She looked like she was about to cry," Ben said just above a whisper.

"We did that," Stan muttered, his head bowed as he stared at his hands sadly.

"Fuck," Richie muttered as a feeling of intense guilt hit both him and the other Losers. "We messed up big time, boys."

Bill was silent as he stared at the doors Y/N had walked through only moments before. He hadn't been blind and had noticed her wearing his jacket today, the sight making his heart flutter. But as he looked from the door to the jacket that Y/N had secretly left behind on her seat for Bill was enough to make his heart break.

Richie was right. They had messed up.

They had messed up bad.

- - -

The final bell of the day made Y/N feel both relieved and scared. Relieved because she was finally going to be able to save Mike, but scared because she would have to go back into the Upside Down and she had a sinking feeling in her gut about what was going to happen.

She hadn't seen the guys for the rest of the day, but Beverly had made sure to always stick by her side. That's how the two ended up leaving the school together with their arms locked and small laughs escaping their lips as Y/N told Beverly about the time Dustin sang the song 'Never-Ending Story' with his girlfriend Susie over a walkie talkie system for everyone to see.

"I'm not even kidding," Y/N laughed. "Just picture it. Everyone is either being chased by the fucking Mindflayer or trying to save the world and I'm sitting there watching Dustin sing his heart out with Lucas' little sister by my side. It was hilarious!"

Beverly laughed so hard that she snorted. "I bet it was. I can't believe-" she began, but she trailed off once she saw Y/N smile disappear as she froze beside her. Beverly turned her head to see what Y/N was looking at and instantly frowned at the sight of the boys all standing by their bikes waiting for the two girls.

Beverly released Y/N's arm and Y/an glanced at her friends before looking away and walking over to her bike. "I'm surprised you all waited for me," Y/N said in a monotone voice as she approached her bike.

Eddie was the first to break and he sighed before saying, "We're sorry for the way we've been acting."

Y/N froze at that and rested her hands on her bike handles before looking up at the group. "What?" she asked, both her and Beverly staring at the boys in surprise. Although Beverly was smiling slightly due to the fact that the boys were finally apologizing after a long day of no one talking to each other.

"Yeah, the way we acted was unacceptable," Ben agreed. "And we're sorry for that."

"We. . .we were jealous," Stan admitted making Y/N blink in surprise.

"Jealous?" she asked confused.

"We were jealous of your other friends. We. . .we thought you were forgetting about us, that you didn't care about us like you did them. So we turned into a bunch of fucking jealous assholes and hurt you in the process," Richie sighed and the fact that he was speaking his feelings was enough to make Y/N realize how serious they were being.

"Guys. . ."she whispered sadly, hating that she made them feel like that. "I don't want you to ever feel like that, okay? I love you all so fucking much that it scares me sometimes to be completely honest. I've known you for what, two years now? I've known the others my whole life, so of course things are going to be a little different around them. But that does not mean I don't love and care about you guys any less. The Losers' Club is my family, you guys are my family. You're my life honestly and I wouldn't trade moving here for the world."

The Losers' all teared up a little at those words and Ben was the first to drop his bike to go over and hug Y/N. The girl chuckled and hugged the boy back while the others quickly came over to hug her as well. She hugged Eddie and Stan before hugging Beverly and Richie who held her the tightest.

The one thing about Richie was that he tried to act like he didn't care when he actually cared the most, so Y/N made a point to hug him back just as hard which made the boy dig his face into her shoulder as he held her.

Once she had hugged each of them, she pulled away to see Bill kind of standing there by himself. The two hadn't hugged or even spoken to each other yet and Y/N knew that their talk was going to be a little longer and more personal than the other. Bill must've known too because he glanced at his friends and gave them a pleading look as he said, "C-C-Can you all give us a m-m-minute?"

"Yeah," Beverly said. "We'll ride on ahead and you two can catch up, okay?"

Then, before the others could complain, Beverly pushed the boys to their bikes and they all began to bike away. That left Y/N and Bill standing there at the front of the school with their bikes by their side.

Y/N looked down at her feet before whispering, "You done ignoring me now?"

There was a beat of silence and she slowly looked up through her eyelashes only to have Bill rush forward and hug her, the action making both of their bikes fall over and hit the ground. Y/N's arms were out in surprise, but she didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around the boy, closing her eyes as she breathed in his scent.

"I'm s-s-sorry," Bill whispered into her ear as he practically cradled her head against his body. "I'm so sorry. I let R-R-Richie get to me and the w-w-way I acted around you was un-un-unacceptable. I mean, even that ph-ph-phone call was rude. You w-w-were just checking up on m-m-me and I hung up on you w-w-without even giving a r-r-reason. I didn't mean to h-h-hurt you and I'm so s-s-sorry for that."

"Why'd you do it? What did Richie say?" Y/N asked softly as she pulled away to look at the boy.

"What Richie said wasn't important," Bill told her, his head bowed. "It was what I told myself that got in the way."

"And what did you tell yourself?" she questioned.

"I-I-I thought I c-c-couldn't make you as h-h-happy as they could," Bill admitted. "Th-Th-That I would n-n-never make you as h-h-happy as they could."

Y/N's face softened at that and she furrowed her eyebrows as she lifted a hand up and placed it against Bill's cheek. "Bill, why would you think such a thing?" she asked, the disbelief evident in her voice.

"The w-w-way you laughed. . .the way you s-s-smiled. . .I'd never seen you l-l-look that happy," Bill muttered.

"Bill, that's not true in any way, shape, or form," she assured him. Y/N lovingly rubbed her thumb against his cheek before smiling softly at him.

"I'm my happiest when I'm with you."

Bill blushed at that, his eyes flickering over her face before he leaned forward and rested his forehead against her own. The two both let their eyes close as they enjoyed this moment, their arms holding onto each other while their foreheads touched.

"I r-r-really am sorry," Bill whispered, not opening his eyes.

Y/N smiled softly and opened her eyes long enough so that she could push herself up on her tip toes and press a kiss to Bill's cheek. He instantly leaned into her touch, his arm that was around her pulling her even closer to his body if that was possible.

"I forgive you," Y/N assured him once she had pulled away, Bill turning his face so that their noses brushed against each other and their eyes locked. Both of their faces were red and they were silent for a moment before Y/N smiled and said, "You should know better than to listen to Richie."

Bill chuckled softly and pulled away to press a small kiss to her forehead before he pulled away from her and went over to his backpack. "Yeah, p-p-probably not my s-s-smartest move," he said as he opened his backpack and pulled out his jacket. The same jacket that Y/N had in her possession only a few hours before.

Y/N's smile dropped slightly at the sight. "Oh, I should've told you that I was leaving it for you. I hadn’t meant to keep it so long," she told him, but the boy only smiled and walked over to her with it in his hand.

"I-I-I want you to w-w-wear it," Bill admitted, both of the teens' faces growing redder by the second.

"Really?" Y/N asked, her face lighting up slightly and a hopeful tone in her voice.

Bill nodded and Y/N smiled before turning around. Bill held the jacket up and she slid her arms into the sleeves before Bill put the jacket on her the rest of the way. She turned around and gave the boy a teasing smile.

"So how do I look?" Y/N asked as she struck a few poses for him, a giggle escaping her lips as she did.

Bill chuckled and smiled fondly at the girl. "Beautiful," he told her. "Just like always."

Y/N blushed slightly before going to grab her bike. She picked it up before sending a small smile in Bill's direction. "Come on, Bill. It's time to go save our friend," she said.

And with that, the two got onto their bikes and began to bike after their friends, Bill's eyes locked on Y/N and his jacket that was blowing in the wind behind her.

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#stranger things/it crossover #it x stranger things #stranger things x it #stranger things imagine #stranger things x reader #stranger things #it imagine #it chapter one #it movie #bill denbrough #bill denbrough x reader #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #mike hanlon #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #stanley uris #pennywise #steve harrington #dustin henderson #mike wheeler #will byers #lucas sinclair #max mayfield #eleven hopper #upside down #x reader #crossover #reader insert

[kimtaetae16ii]

STORY OF US - DONGHYUCK LEE

Synopsis : in which the elderly knew about your hidden relationship and make you guys broke apart and at the end he came back to fix it all while you were struggling with depression

Warnings : mental illness, mental abuse, violent, light-smut,using curse words alots, easy English grammar XP too cringy, too clingy, might cause frustration

Pairing : Donghyuck x reader (n ur name is Jeannie Pwark)

A/n : this is my first fanfiction of him ever! So yeah those senpai who sees mistakes in my writing do chat me about tht .

_________________________________________

You and Donghyuck had been in relationship for almost 2 years. You were homeschooled back then so did he too. Both of you got same teacher for English subject even for different places. So, to make it easy, the teacher made group chat on WhatsApp so that if anything inconvenient happened she will inform you guys through there. There's many students in there too but Donghyuck attracted your attention. You were the one who started the conversation with him.

He, in the first place actually  dislike you for being too friendly with him and others. He used to hate you too. He hate you for nothing. He thought that you were friendly bitch of no where. Also he was being insecure because he afraid you might be a gold digger to dig all of his family's assets all away. But then, you've proven to him that you are an angel with pure heart so you just being kind towards him until he finally fell on you. Your first-sight crush finally fell on you.

You both lived in rich residents as your father is working as successful businessman while your mother is a successful lawyer in the city of Seoul. Then, both of his parents work in their own business that the profit so fucking higher than Trumph.

done throwback session.

[ Saturday, 1:37 a.m.]

You couldn't close your eyes yet as you already drove in long 9 hours sleep in the late evening. Then you woke at 9 p.m. It just after you woke up, you receive 16 missed calls from him andthe spamming chat is uncountable. Then, you guys been in an arguments which caused he was being mad while you were being sulking.

The clock showed it was almost 2 a.m. and you still cannot close your eyes. The feelings are coming. You want him. You want him to sing you to sleep with his angelic voice. You want his warmth body heated your body so you won't get cold while sleeping in air-conditioner.

then, with feeling guilty you tapped on the number on the light screen after that you pressed the phone on your left ear. hoping he would not be mad at your anymore.

after 30 seconds, he finally picked your call.

"what's the matter now. You disturb my sleep"

his words really hurt your feelings like he unwilingly to answer your phone call but he did anyway.

Donghyuck is not a person who sleep early actually. He's been an owl just want to make sure you are the one who get beauty sleep before him.

"I cannot sleep. will you come over? please ~" you begged him because this is the way for both of you to be peace once again. You need him.

you've heard he sighed.

"i've told you for countless time to not sleep in the late evening or else this will happen. Y/n , you really need good health."

that's why i'm asking you to come over so that my depression will be cured.

"okay. i won't disturb. just continue to sleep. sorry." you end the calls made decision to throw the phone away onto the hard floor.

you hate yourself like the way he used to hate you. you knew who you are. you know how annoying you are how much burden you gave to people surround you especially your family. and because of that, you less attention from them. that's why you need haechan. he's right person to be but not right for you.

You curled up while sitting while buried your face in your lap. Tears finally streaming down on your cheeks.

i hate me. i want to die so bad.

you felt sorry for Haechan to waste his time just for you. you give him nothing in return.

you've been crying so bad that make your body shaking while you mumbling all curse words about how bad you want to die.

Suddenly, you felt hands brushed your hairs from back. When you lifted your face, you saw your precious boyfriend right in front of you. your heart ache but in the same it healed when he pulled you into his arms.

"Haechan-ah~" you called him.

"yes, sweetheart" he replied while pat your back softly like you're a new born baby.

"you still mad at me ?" you broke the hug and faced him looked into his shining eyes.

"Sweetheart, we're good now. do not be overthinking , okay. You'll be fine." he pulled you into hug again then he sang you to sleep.

You fell asleep in his neck then, he changed the position. He laid you down carefully place your head on the soft pillow then he laid next to you.

" sleep tight, Lee's "

[Saturday, 6:40 a.m.]

At the time you woke up, you were left with his fresh cologne on your bed sheets. Your morning felt so good.

you pressed the circled button of your iPhone , then you noticed he leaved you mesage in your personal chatroom saying

'sweetheart, i'm going home. Have a great journey to your grandmother house. XOXO '- 5.35 a.m.

You got big smiled there. You changed the position to sit then after few minutes, you went into the bathroom to wash yourself.

Then, after you already settle up yourself, you went the downstairs and enter the kitchen to get breakfast.

then your 7 years old greeted you.

"hey y/n, i saw man walking out from your room when i want to go to toilet this morning."

you hurriedly cover your little sister's mouth before anybody in this house heard her wrods.

"shhh . don't tell mama"

"mama was with me."

loud of laugh then.

_________________________________________

The way to your grandmother's house was very tiring even you were not the one who drive the car but like you've been stopped at rest area so often plus the weather was very hot for you.

Once you arrived at your grandmother's house, you guys were greeted by the the maids. Then they lead you to the living room. There, finally you met your grandma.

"Heeeyyy ,Oh My granddaughters! Miss both of you so bad !"

Grandma opened her arms as she welcomed us to hug her so we running along until we got into her hug. She kissed our top of head also our cheeks.

"How you've been, Nana?" I asked her while sitting next to her on the couch that made by  animal's skin.

"I'm great!  I just missed you guys so so much!

Kyaa~ Haneul yah!  Why don't you often bring them here? You also didn't always visit me. You know I've been so lonely after the death of your father! "

Mama fixed her hairbun prepared herself to answer Nana's question.

"I'm sorry, Ma. I'm just busy with all my clients-"

"Fuck your clients!  Your mother is more important!"

"Ma, don't be like that. I promise you to visit you as often as needed after all of the cases settled up at the court."

"I don't care. I made decision."

"What decision, Nana? " I, hugged her right arms, looked into her eyes.

She looked at me for second then she turned to face mama back.

"I want both of my grandchild to stay with me"

My heart dropped down-

but my little sister cheered up as she like to be with nana just because nana fulfill her needs.

"Kyaa~" I pushed little bit her head bit getting scolded by my father.

"Park Jeannie!"

"Ma, but Jeannie would enter her university so soon. Also Jane gonna have her first homeschool session." My father suddenly exist in that situation.

"I insist. She can took over the chocolate company after she get her training months."

I saw fire in Nana's eyes. So did my parents too.

Yeah. Even they don't mind about me a lot but they seems won't lose me. like I stil need home cause it's not faraway from haechan.

"Nana-"

"Okay! Let's have our special meals!" She cut me deliberately.

"Yeaayyy.  Nana did you make my favourite Sandwich?"

"Of course, honeybun! Now let's go all of you."

-

At night.

"Fuck. I hate this." You groaned alone on the bed thinking how you would be without seeing your boyfriend for not a single day also after you moved into your grandmother's house soon.

You looked up at the white flower decorated ceiling and that things still wandered in your mind.

You didn't get any phone call from him yet for today. He has been busy with his schedule of being an idol.

He always available at middle of the night.

You turned on the screen then got into your personal chatroom with him.

Babe, I have something to say. Really important.

Sent, 12:32 a.m.

You only got one tick from him. So you just decided to go to sleep even you didnt use to sleep at early bed.

[1:40 a.m.]

You can felt something was vibrating in your hand as you held your phone while you drove to sleep. That's make you woke up in the middle of the night.

Without seeing whose the caller, you answered just like that.

"Heelo sweetheart. Already asleep."

"I can't sleep unless I heard your voices, you know."

"Awwwwww~ so sweet talker."

"Shut up. How was your day during the show?"

"So tired but not full enjoyed."

The atmosphere suddenly turned into serious.

"Whyy babe, are you sick while performing?" You were afraid as he worked too hard just to present great performance to gis beloved fans.

"No. I'm not sick. I'm fine thank you."

"Then what?"

"I'm not enjoy it much as you're not here watching my performance with the members."

You dumbfounded.

"Are you serious, bang-chan?"

Bang-chan means side dishes in Korean.

"Hahahahahaha" you heard him laughed so loudly. You just brought that up again because you watched one of the vlive that Jeno called him Bang-chan when he introduced himself.

Then, you also laughed but not that as hard-core as him.

"Are you done, baby?" You asked him after you heard silent voices.

"N-no" his giggles still there.

"Hahahh, i want to see you so bad right now. But i cant As the network is not giving cooperation with me. So, yeah~ "

"So, you feel like you want to go home?" He asked.

"Yes of course. Home is everything." You looked out the glass window. Spontaneous thought came in.

"Am I your everything too?" He snapped you out by his question.

It took several seconds to reply that.

"Lee donghyuck, you are my last destiny after the world end its life."

"Wahh~" at the end of his word, his soothing voice made you melt.

"Go to sleep now , babe. You tired i know that."

"Love you 3000" you added.

"Love you for infinity numbers."

And that amde you laughed.

"Bye. Have a nice sleep, haechan."

"Okay ."

You end up the call. After that you directly close your eyes and drove to sleep.

A/n : I can't add some more parts as it hit the max length. Tf. If it hit 10 likes, I'll post more ♡♡♡

#nct angst #nct au #nct fanfiction #nct fanfic #nct fluff #nct dream #nct imagines #donghyuck angst #donghyuck imagines #donghyuck blurbs #lee donghyuck #nct donghyuck #donghyuck icons #nct dream donghyuck #Lee donghyuck #lee haechan #donghyuck au #haechan au #donghyuck #haechan #nct haechan #nct 127

[shipmistress9]

FTLOAP - 40: If I'm Not Made For You Then Why Does My Heart Tell Me That I Am?

Fandom: HTTYD

Theme: Hiccstrid - Medieval-style AU - Romance - Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Reduced to little more than a stable boy, Hiccup, despite his noble birth, has few prospects for more in life. But when he meets a girl who came to look at the horses, being a stable boy might not be enough anymore. Together, they have tough choices to make and great risks to navigate if they want to survive and be together.

Rating: Explicit

FF-net  -  AO3 -

Discord-server for discussions and questions

Part 1: Prologue; Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11;

Part 2: Chapter 12; Chapter 13; Chapter 14; Interlude 1; Chapter 15; Chapter 16; Chapter 17; Chapter 18; Chapter 19; Chapter 20; Chapter 21; Chapter 22; Chapter 23; Chapter 24; Chapter 25; Chapter 26; Interlude 2; Chapter 27: Chapter 28 ; Chapter 29 ; Chapter 30; Chapter 31; Chapter 32; Interlude 3; Bonus 1; Chapter 33

Part 3: Chapter 34; Chapter 35; Chapter 36; Interlude 4; Chapter 37; Chapter 38; Chapter 39

Alpha/Co-author: @athingofvikings

. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .

AN: This chapter... I'm incredibly curious about the reactions! It contains more scenes that have been planned for nearly a year, some were even already written out since November! And... well, I hope that I'm able to get across what's important for me in this chapter. I'll see...

Also, in November, I posted a small spoiler on Tumblr. I was asked to put a warning for when that spoiler would come into play, so that's what I'm going to do now. THIS is the chapter where that spoiler line comes up.

This week's title comes from the song If You're Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield. Ever since this song first came out, it's been one of my all-time-favourites. But it actually took me a while to discover how well it fits this story, especially at this point. I admit that, in the end, it even inspired an additional scene near the end of this chapter. You'll see what I mean.

. o O o .

“Eret? Do you want to marry me?”

After she’d realised what Snotlout was doing, Astrid had wondered about that insanity for a couple of days now. His behaviour had become more obvious – and more obnoxious – with every time they met, and by now, it was impossible for her to pretend it wasn't happening.

He was flirting with her. There really was no other way to describe it, and even though she'd always thought fondly of him, she now couldn't help but cringe whenever she saw him. A part of her wondered how other women before her had endured and even enjoyed his attention – but she also recognised how different his behaviour toward her was from how he'd acted toward others. He was so sure, overconfident even. He obviously knew about the King's wish of her marrying one of the ducal heirs and seemed to think that advertising himself like this would make her choose him.

But did he really want to marry her? She still couldn't believe it, couldn't even think about it without dismay. How could one of her brothers want to marry her? No matter how long she thought about it, it made no sense, and eventually she acknowledged that thinking on her own wouldn’t get her anywhere.

Meeting Eret had been pure chance but a welcome distraction. It was early in the morning, hours before today's tournament would begin, and she'd wanted to enjoy at least a small sense of freedom by taking a walk over the castle's grounds. Now, they sat near Lake Vola, with Tuff acting as chaperone from a distance, and enjoyed both the peace and the comfort. But she didn’t want to waste such an opportunity.

At her question, Eret, who was lying on a sunny but likely not-entirely-dry patch of grass next to the low stone wall where she sat, cracked one eye open and tilted his head to throw her a funny look.  After a moment, he returned to his former relaxed position though, eyes closed and head resting on his arms behind his head. “You know, Swanja… In your current position, you should be careful with a question like this,” he said, sounding utterly unperturbed. “One might think you just proposed to me.”

Astrid rolled her eyes and made a half-annoyed and half-amused noise. Eret would know better, after all. “Don’t be daft. You know what I mean.”

Sighing, he turned his head to look at her in earnest. “Yes, I know what you mean. But the answer is not as easy as the question.”

Astrid wanted to snort. She'd fully expected Eret would laugh and answer with a resolute ‘No!’. He had to be joking, right? Because it was insane and impossible and… and…

Except that he didn’t look as if he was joking.

He seemed to notice her bafflement, because he sighed once more and made himself comfortable again before he gave her an explanation. “I see that’s not the answer you’ve expected,” he began, strangely quiet. “And I’ll admit I didn’t expect to have this kind of talk today. But it’s better than not talking about it, I guess…” He paused, gazing into the light blue sky overhead as if it was the most interesting piece of art he’d ever seen. “I’m not in love with you, if that’s what you meant,” he eventually went on. “That hasn’t changed.”

Astrid nodded, even though he couldn’t see her. They’d already been through that three years ago, after all. After Thuggory’s constant teasing over the span of one summer about how close they were and what a cute couple they would make, they’d almost believed it themselves. What followed had been a few awkward days of blushing, of averting eyes and stiff conversations – until they’d decided to put their feelings to the test. They’d kissed, the whole program with gazing into each other’s eyes and cradled faces, with lips and tongues. And then, they had decided that was definitely not what was between them.

Thinking back, the thought made her smirk inwardly. Kissing Eret had felt weird, unnatural. Not really unpleasant, if she was honest; just… not right. And now, comparing that kiss back then with how it had felt to kiss–

Stop right there!

“So, you don’t want to marry me?” she asked, mainly to force her thoughts into another direction. She couldn’t think about that, not now. Not ever again.

“I… didn’t say that,” Eret muttered, still refusing to look at her.

He wasn’t making any sense. “What do you want then?” The question came out more aggressive than intended, but Astrid wasn’t in the mood for beating around the bush, not now, not after everything. She was tired, having cried for almost the entire night again, tired of the games, tired of the verbal dancing and indirect responses. By Thor, she was going to get a straight answer out of someone, even if she had to shake it out of them!

“What I want...” Eret scoffed. “Since when does it matter what anyone of us wants?” He sighed again, shaking his head, and Astrid knew all too well how he felt… “If it were about doing what we want, Dagur and I would just… leave. We’d go, and start a simple life somewhere far away.” Now, Eret threw her a wary glance, as if to see how she would react. But even though the words surprised her, Astrid was beyond showing any reactions, especially not emotionally, and after a minute of silence, Eret continued in a softer tone.

“We’ve even talked it through, you know? What we’d do if we had the options… We’d go somewhere remote where people wouldn’t know who we are. We’d approach the local lord, get a land tenancy, settle down. Build a paddock for a couple of horses and a garden, maybe an orchard. I’d earn us some money by breeding and breaking in horses for the locals, and Dagur would distil his own alcohol from the fruits in our garden.” He chuckled weakly. “It would be a simple life, without much luxury to speak of. Calm.”

Astrid swallowed. “That sounds beautiful,” she whispered. Eret's words reminded her of other plans, other ‘what if's’…

Quickly, she again shook those thoughts off and concentrated on Eret and his words again. On how they puzzled her. She’d always thought Eret and Dagur wouldn’t mind becoming the next Grand Dukes.

“Right?” Eret agreed, but then shook his head. “But it’s nothing but idle dreams. We can’t just drop our responsibilities and leave our homelands in such a chaos. We wouldn’t want to do that. Lavo would become Head of House Jag’r, and while he’s a good man, he’s certainly not a good leader. And House Berserker… If Dagur doesn’t inherit his father’s title, Hel herself will show up down in Southshore to collect the bodies.”

Again, Astrid nodded; the precarious situation with the two Grand Dukedoms was well-known to her, after all.

Eret let out a deep breath. “But that’s not what you wanted to hear right?” He slightly shook his head, lips twisted into a grimace. “The thing is… we eventually have to marry one day. If we stayed bachelors forever, we could simply continue like now, spending time together every now and then. But for the sake of sustaining a line of heritage, we can’t inherit if we refuse to ever marry. And once we’re married…” He shrugged, and Astrid remembered the words she’d heard some nights before.

Marriage is a sacred vow, and one does not break it. I won’t turn you into an adulteress.

Astrid felt as if she couldn’t breathe, the memories like a crushing ring around her chest. But luckily, Eret didn’t seem to notice.

“You asked whether I’d even want to marry you,” he went on, suddenly sounding eerily solemn. “And the honest answer would have to be yes. Yes, I’d like to marry you. Not because I love you, and I’m sorry about that. But marrying for love has never been a real option for us, so I’d opt for the second-best choice – marrying my best friend.” He turned to give her a brief smile, but then continued to stare into the distance. “You’re my best option for a good future. I mean… I know that I won’t be the best of husbands. But unlike any other wife Father could pick for me, you at least already know that. You know that I won’t be your ardent lover. You wouldn’t be disappointed or angry. Or at least I hope you wouldn’t be.” He swallowed, and when he continued to speak, finally looking at her after all, he sounded incredibly vulnerable.

“If you were to choose me, Swanja, then I can promise you that I’d be a good and loyal partner to you. We’d live a happy life together. I won’t be your lover, but I'd be your partner, your friend. I’d do my best to hopefully be a good father to our children, and I’m certain I’d treat you better than most of your other suitors. And... and the same goes for Dagur, if you were to choose him.”

It seemed like Eret was waiting for a reaction, but Astrid was unable to speak, stunned. He was serious!

Eventually, he exhaled a deep breath, and pushed himself up on his legs. With his back turned toward her, he said, “I do love you, Swanja, just not like that. And I want you to be happy. If… if you have someone else in mind, someone you want to choose for yourself... then by all means, please do so. Neither Dagur nor I want you to be miserable for our sake. We will all go our way, one way or the other. But know that we are an option, and hopefully not the worst there is. I’d be happy and proud to bring you back to Eastervale as my wife, and I dare say that living at our stud farm would suit you.”

And with these words, he left her.

For she couldn’t say how long, Astrid sat on that low wall, eyes unseeingly cast over the lake's calm surface, as tears ran down her cheeks in never-ending streams. Gods, she was such an idiot, had only thought of her own problems.

But Eret was right… For all her life, she’d been prepared for a loveless political marriage. And yes, if she couldn’t marry the man she loved…

...then her best friend would certainly be a good second choice.

. o O o .

For once, she didn't need to ponder endlessly. In fact, it was more as if she’d known what to do for a long while already without being able to see it. But when she reached the fighting ground a couple of hours later and saw him hustling about among the other squires and, as always, not even once glancing in her direction… it all became crystal clear. He wasn't an option anymore – and maybe never had been. She would have to pick another path, one that, hopefully, would be bearable.

She paused in her steps, pondering for one last moment, and then gestured Tuff to follow her. Instead of directly going toward her usual seat under the pavilion, she headed for the large tent where the men were getting ready for their fights. Many eyes turned toward her when she entered, confusion and anticipation in most of them, and the tent fell completely silent.

"Sir Eret?" she called out as firmly and clearly as she could manage. "May I asked you to keep me company today?"

Eret met her eyes with an unreadable look, but nodded after a seemingly endless heartbeat. “Of course, your Highness.” He took off his heavy gloves and handed them, his helmet, and his sword to his squier before following her. And not even now, he would look at her.

Astrid’s lips twitched, but she quickly turned away, and, with Eret at her side, made her way toward her pavilion.

At first, they sat in heavy silence, but eventually, Eret audibly cleared his throat. “Are you sure about this, Swanja?” he asked in a subdued voice.

He didn’t need to elaborate; the meaning of his words was clear enough to her. Her inviting one or more of her suitors to sit with her during the tournament when they weren’t fighting was something she was allowed to do. Without a doubt, it was considered an honour, but the fact that she had never bestowed it on anyone before made her singling out Eret now even more noticeable. She could practically feel the countless eyes on them, could hear the hushed whispers all around the arena. But she didn’t care for any gossip her action might start. She’d never cared about the rumours they’d caused by acting like a couple. At least this time the rumours would be true.

She swallowed, and, unable to meet Eret’s eyes, instead gazed down at her hands in her lap. “You were right,” she whispered. “Marrying for love has never been a real option for either of us. So I’m going to pick the option with the best prospect of happiness and follow the path everyone apparently wants me to take anyway.” Now, she looked up after all and threw him a tentative smile. At least, she wouldn’t have to pretend with Eret. They weren’t in love and never would be. But they would give each other comfort and that had to be enough.

He returned her smile and, as if to prove her thoughts right, reached for her gloved hand and squeezed it. It made her smile turn a shade brighter. Yes, they didn’t love each other. But friendship was a good basis for marriage too, right?.

They watched the first rounds of the melee without saying anything more. Five times, ten men entered the arena and fought until nine had either been knocked prone, unconscious, or had a wound sufficient to spatter the grass with blood. Snot’s turn was in the second round, and he won without any difficulties, sending his opponents sprawling or bashing their faces in so that their noses bled freely onto the grass. There was something to his boasting after all, Astrid reminded herself as he blew her a kiss across the arena before he left it. Growing up in Westhill had turned him into a better fighter than most.

Then it was Eret’s and Dagur’s turn to fight, and it wasn’t until she saw the other eight fighters all ganging up on them that she realised what her open act of favouring Eret had done. Now he had a target on his back, and more than once she gasped or froze when one fighter launched at him. People died in these tournaments! What if someone managed to injure, maybe even kill him, just to get him out of the way? It would be her fault, and hers alone.

She watched the fight with more attention than she had before – and also with a fair bit of anxiety. But her worries were unfounded... for now at least. With Dagur and Eret fighting back to back, the other men had no chance and when it was only the two of them left, they shared a look, a handshake, and then Dagur went to his knee, placing his weapon to Eret’s feet.

The sight made her throat tighten even further. To everyone else watching, it would look like Dagur forfeiting to the Princess’s favourite, probably in hopes of gaining her good will for the future. But Astrid knew it was more than that. So much more… It wasn’t just Dagur giving the victory of this melee to his friend. It was him freely giving up his lover, giving in to the inevitable without struggling and without hard feelings. He knew that he’d lost, and what he’d lost, on the altar of the Kingdom’s Hel-spawned politics. If Astrid would have had any tears left, she’d have cried.

When Eret returned to her after being cleaned up and his armour having been removed, he seemed weaker and more beaten than the fight alone would explain. This time, it was she who placed her hand on his lower arm, in an attempt to comfort him but also to apologise. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled weakly.

She was relieved when Eret placed his hand over hers and asked, “For what?”

“For everything. For making you a target and… and for…” She didn’t dare to phrase the rest, to mention Dagur. Her pavilion offered a certain amount of privacy so that she didn’t expect anyone to overhear their low conversation, but that wasn’t the point anyway. She didn’t want to hurt Eret further.

He hissed out a low and unamused laugh, almost a pained groan, but gave her a reassuring smile nonetheless. “Don’t worry,” he replied. “We always knew it couldn’t last. And as for the target… You don’t need to worry about that either. It’s not that much different than before. They always knew me, Dag, and Snot where your most likely choices, so not that much changed now. Besides, as much as they want to see me defeated… well, let’s just say that my status still offers a certain amount of protection. They wouldn’t dare to attack one of us for real, simply out of fear of repercussions.”

Astrid nodded, but only felt slightly eased by his words. There had been too many accidents already. “I hope you’re right,” she sighed. “And… and I hope this wasn’t the wrong decision – for both our sakes.”

He squeezed her hand once more and scooted a little closer to her. It was weird in a way how easy it was to just continue their usual comfortable closeness under these strangest of circumstances. But then, that was part of why she’d made this decision. She knew Eret, knew that they got along. There’d never been any real shyness or awkwardness between them, and she was relieved that that hadn’t changed.

“We’ll see,” he eventually replied. “But at least we know that Daniel will be pleased.”

There was a certain bitterness in Eret’s voice at these words, one that made her frown in confusion. “What makes you think that?” So far, she hadn’t spent much time thinking about Daniel, not beyond the burning pain she felt over his betrayal.

Eret snorted, and made a vague waving gesture between the two of them. “Well, this is what he wanted, what he’d planned for all along.”

“He… what?”

Now, Eret grimaced, but also noticeably put in an effort to stay calm as he explained. “Oh, he didn’t tell me anything, in case you were wondering,” he scoffed with the same bitter tone as before. “But after that announcement on your birthday and realising that he knew about all this… it started to make sense, you know? A while ago, he became strangely gloomy from one day to the other, and there were so many things he said before he left, things that made me wonder what was on his mind. It all started a few days after Dagur’s accolade. The day we first went to meet Cami, remember?”

Astrid sucked in a breath at those words, but instantly shut her mind down. No, no, no. She didn’t want to remember that day, couldn’t bear it. The first night they’d talk more openly, the first time he’d touched her…

Her hands were trembling, but if Eret noticed, he didn’t react. He just went on with his explanation, suppressed anger tinting his voice, and she was grateful for the distraction.

“Daniel was supposed to come with us, but was forced to cancel his appointment when he received a note. I don’t know what it was about, but it was then when he changed. Late that night, we met him in the corridors. He wouldn’t tell us what bothered him, only that we would learn about it soon enough, that it was better if we didn’t know right away… and that he ‘very much counts on my loyalty for all this to end well’. I didn’t know what he meant back then, but now… And there were other comments, too. Like how he asked me to keep an eye on you until he comes back from Westhill. Or how he blatantly asked us whether we could imagine getting married anytime soon when we all went to the tavern that last night.” He swallowed thickly. “All those small things came back to me lately, but they only started to make sense when… when I talked to Hiccup the other day. Apparently, Daniel told him that he was hoping for us to marry. That we would be good for each other.”

At the mention of his name, Astrid’s mind turned numb out of sheer reflex, but there was still a small functioning part that registered what Eret was telling her. That Daniel apparently hadn’t been happy about this plan and that he’d hoped for her to find comfort and solace with Eret, her best friend. A sob tore itself from her body, making her shiver and tremble, and this time, Eret noticed. His hand around hers tightened, offering her comfort from amidst his own pain and sending a wave of gratitude through her hurting soul.

They didn’t speak much more until the tournament was over, but the companionable silence was proof enough to her. Living with Eret would be effortless. It would be good. Not what either of them truly wanted but better than the alternatives

Daniel had been right, she realised with a grimace. She and Eret were good for each other, the best option they had to ever live a somewhat happy life. Even with how betrayed she felt, she still couldn’t shake off a budding sense of gratefulness that her brother had at least planned this far. And he couldn’t have known better, after all. Daniel didn’t know about the feelings Eret and Dagur had for each other, didn’t know about her and… and… him. He didn’t know how much pain this solution brought to so many people he cared about. But he was right in that it still was the best solution they had.

When the tournament was over, she accompanied Eret back to the tent. She’d meant to directly move on to her own rooms, to get ready for tonight’s dinner. She expected it to be an awkward meal, with the older man congratulating them and the younger all suffering. Idly, she wondered how Snot would behave now, but quickly decided that she didn’t care.

Especially not when someone else stepped into their path all of a sudden.

Nervously biting her lip, she met Dagur’s gaze, expecting to see hurt and pain or maybe anger in his eyes. He, too, had been hurt by this development after all. But he, who always wore his heart on his sleeve, now wouldn’t let his feelings show. He made a hesitant step toward her, even had a small smile on his face, and pulled her into one of his usual bear hugs once Eret had let go of her arm.

Overwhelmed, she clutched at his back, and couldn’t keep herself from sobbing into his tunic. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered against his shoulder. “So, so, sorr–”

“Shh, shh, it’s all right, little sis,” he interrupted her in an equally low voice. “I wasn’t expecting anything else. And I won’t embarrass either of us by asking you to make him happy, but… But I’m asking you to both be happy, okay? As happy as you can be.”

She sobbed again and for a heartbeat clung even tighter to him before they let go of each other. She took a step away when Dagur turned to Eret next, giving them a bit of privacy, when she noticed another figure standing a few steps behind Dagur.

He didn’t say anything, didn’t move. He only looked at her with those incredibly green eyes of his, really looked at her for the first time in days. It made her freeze, with only a fleeting thought about how Dagur and Eret hopefully would be too occupied with each other to pay them any attention. She held his gaze and tried to convey what she felt. Not her pain, but an apology. The apology for, finally and ultimately, betraying their bond and turning down every plan they might have had. She expected to receive some form of pained accusation in return, but none of that happened.

Instead, he just stood there, a weak smile around his lips that wouldn’t reach his eyes, and nodded.

. o O o .

That night, Astrid stayed awake for a long time, but in opposition to past nights, she didn’t cry. She felt too empty for that. Her eyes were fixed on the wooden figurine in her hands, the one that resembled Markor and that he had given her.

“It’s not much, I suppose. But it’s something… personal? Something to remember me by when I can’t be here with you anymore.”

His words rang clear and true through her mind, but for once the pain didn’t hit her as hard as she’d expected. ‘...when I can’t be here with you anymore...’ He’d only meant the months of separation, but now, it felt so much more relevant. Without her help, her hand wandered to her chest, the other caressing over the smooth wood. No matter how much she wished it would be otherwise, she could still feel his warmth in her chest; even though the blazing inferno had simmered down like a glowing coal. A reminder of the former fire that would never extinguish.

“I will always love you, Hiccup,” she whispered into the darkness of the night. It was a last confession before she stowed the wooden figurine away into her treasure coffer. “Goodbye, my love.”

Then she went to bed, determined to move on. From now on, she wouldn’t let herself be in pain all the time anymore. Her mind and soul were so frail and thin by now; more pain would eventually break her apart. So she clung to the only solace left to her. She would be Eret’s bride now, and… and it was good that way. The only path she could take.

She closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep – even as the small part deep inside her was still screaming. And she couldn’t make it stop.

. o O o .

Hiccup hadn’t expected for the pain to be this unrelenting. He’d expected that it would take time, time before he could even consider getting over her. He had expected that seeing her at Eret’s side, her arm wound through his and their obvious closeness, wouldn’t exactly help either. But the reality was so much worse. No matter how many days had passed or how often he’d seen them together since her open preference during that tournament, it was still like sharp pokes to an open wound. Over and over he told himself that it was good, that it was better this way, the best he could hope for for her. And it was! He knew that it was the truth. In Eret’s presence, she was less tense, at least a little more at ease.

But it hurt!

Because he remembered the time, not too long ago, when all he’d wanted was to be the one to make her happy one day, and the constant reminder of how that would never happen felt like getting stabbed over and over and over again.

Every time he felt her presence or spotted her amidst the crowd, all he wanted was to tear out his heart in the hopes that it would make the pain go away. There was a voice in his head that was constantly screaming at him, “Wrong, wrong, wrong. This is wrong, all of it!”, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t smother it. It was tearing him apart.

The worst were the nights. When he was laid out on the couch in Eret’s rooms, so close to where she was, under the same roof and on the same floor even, and yet unable to ever be with her again, he felt the full weight of their loss. It pressed down on his chest like someone sitting there and keeping him from breathing. More than once, he’d caught himself idly playing with her key, which he still wore around his neck on a simple leather cord. He’d thought about taking it off multiple times already but he’d never found the strength to actually do so. He knew that he should, that holding on to it was only his weakness of not being able to fully let her go. It was him clinging to some elusive hope that only kept cutting and hurting him over and over again. Occasionally, he even caught himself getting up, a half-baked plan to sneak through the corridors and into her rooms in his sleepy mind. If only he could see her, talk to her, hold her one more time. Odin, he would do everything if only it meant they would get another chance.

But there was nothing for him to do.

All he could do was watching her attend one event after the other, with Eret always at her side, and remind himself that this was the only way for her to be happy.

. o O o .

“Ah, good evening, Sir Eret,” Fyrir Mala greeted them as they entered Freya’s Temple a few days later. “Sir Dagur, Lord Hiccup. Welcome. You can go right through to Cami’s rooms; she’s already waiting for you.” She nodded at them all with a friendly smile which they all returned dutifully – even as neither of them truly felt like smiling.

More than anything else, Hiccup felt weird to be here again, even though he probably should have seen it coming. Eret’s and Dagur’s days were numbered, so it wasn't really a surprise that they'd wanted to ‘visit Cami’ as long as they could. And of course, they’d invited him to come along too, just like they’d always done. They didn’t know about his own pain after all.

But right now he dreaded the thought of Cami and interacting with her, of the conversations that would inevitably come up. Of how unexpected it was that they were all still here after all, of the latest developments in Eret's life… and her usual questions after his lady love once Eret and Dagur retreated. Because he didn't feel strong enough to lie, to make up some tale about how they enjoyed the reprieve, no, certainly not. Instead, he felt brittle, as if he'd break apart and crumble at even the slightest nudge. He’d even welcome that over the constant pain.

But of course, he wouldn’t simply fall apart and stop existing. There was no way to escape the inevitable.

“Oh, dear Freya!” Cami exclaimed as soon as they entered her rooms and the door closed behind them. She threw herself around Eret’s and Dagur’s necks, pulling them into a tight hug. “I’ve heard what happened, of course I have. And… I know everyone else would deem congratulations in order–” she pulled Eret a little tighter “–but I’m so sorry! For both of you. How are you feeling?”

Carefully but firmly, Dagur and Eret pried themselves out of her arms. They looked miserable and Hiccup was once more reminded of how he wasn’t the only one in pain. As much as he might want to hate Eret for having everything Hiccup wanted – he just couldn’t. Eret was as much a victim of this entire scheme as he and she were, and he was suffering from it too.

“What do you think how we feel?” Dagur asked, noticeably missing his usual joyfulness. “Even with always knowing that it would eventually come to this, it’s…” he broke off, and turned away from them, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

Hiccup almost expected he’d turn away further when Eret stepped toward him to place his hand on his lover’s shoulder. But instead, Dagur sighed, relaxed, and leaned into the touch, and Hiccup couldn’t help but look away at their moment of intimacy. Yes, they were both suffering just like him.

“I’m sorry,” Cami said again, sounding truly miserable, but Eret cut her off directly.

“It’s all right. Dag’s right, we knew it couldn’t last. All we can do now is make the best of it.”

“I sure hope you do,” Dagur threw back, an odd mixture of sadness, joking, and sincerity in his voice. “If I hear only one complaint from Swanja about you, I’m going to come and rip off your head!”

Eret chuckled, if a little strained. “Hey, I already tried to do her a favour by convincing her father to arrange that ride tomorrow. I mean, it can’t be long with the ball in the evening, and it won’t be a fast ride either with her having to use this horrible side saddle and at least some members of the party not being experienced riders. But I still think it’s better than nothing. Or I hope so, at least.” He sighed. “Anyway, I’m holding you on to that promise, just so you know. Making sure she’s happy will be my highest priority from now on.”

Eret’s reply made them share a weak but true smile, and even with how numb and hollow Hiccup felt, he still was grateful for the reminder that they did care about her. She was in good hands. That was all that mattered.

“Anyway,” Eret went on. “Before we leave you alone, I wanted to thank you, Cami. For taking our request for an appointment on such a short notice. It’ll probably be the last time anyway.”

She gave him a comforting smile. “Of course. I’ll always have time for you.” Then she frowned. “But why do you think it’ll be the last? It’s still over six weeks until the wedding.”

“Aye.” Eret shrugged. “But the betrothal will become official in two weeks already, and me coming here after that won’t be regarded with any form of leniency. And then there’s the ball tomorrow night. Even with it just being meant as an entertaining diversion, her choice of partner for the opening dance will still be regarded as her making an unofficial choice.” He shook his head, a despondent expression on his face. “No, this will be the last time we come here. It has to be.”

Again, Hiccup had to avert his gaze – to give them privacy when it now was Dagur’s turn to comfort Eret, but mostly to hide his reaction to Eret’s words. He’d effectively pushed aside every thought of this, but he was right. After tomorrow night, she would be considered betrothed to Eret, no matter how unofficially. The thought gave him a new sting, and he almost laughed in surprise at how his heart could still hurt more.

“I see,” Cami sighed. “Well, then off with you two. If you want, we can talk more later. I hope you can enjoy this night as much as possible.”

They didn’t need another invitation and only seconds later, Hiccup was alone with Cami. And no matter how painful the previous conversation had already been… What came next would be worse.

“So, and what’s up with you?” she asked in a noticeably more cheerful tone. “I get why they are so depressed, but I honestly didn’t expect that from you too, not even out of sympathy.”

With his lips pressed into a thin line, Hiccup ignored her words and walked past her to where wine and glasses were already standing ready for them on the small table. He poured himself a glass and downed it in one. Maybe the alcohol would make enduring this easier. Behind him, Cami said his name, clearly confused, but he kept ignoring her. It was only after he’d nearly emptied his second glass of wine before she more firmly demanded an answer.

“Hiccup, what’s up with you?” Her hand was on his arm, keeping him from turning away as she stepped in front of him. “After our last conversation about how much you and your lady love dreaded the separation, I thought you’d be happy about this postponement.”

Snorting, he turned his head away from her anyway. Right… Oh, how much they’d hope for just any way for them to not have to part. Once again he thought about how the prospect of being separated for weeks and months had felt like the worst that could happen to them. How foolish and naive they’d been. And how much he’d give to return to those times…

“Hiccup?”

This time, Cami sounded worried, and almost despite his own will, he turned to look at her. And even though he’d sworn to himself to lock his pain deep inside him, to never let anyone see… right now, he couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“Hiccup, what happened?” she gasped when his mask crumbled away to reveal his pain. She pulled at his arm until he sat down in one of her chairs. “You look… horrible. Gods, did something happen to her? Is she alright? What–”

“She’s fine,” he mumbled, if only to keep her from worrying further. And it was true, wasn’t it? Physically, she was fine...

For a short while, Cami was quiet, watching him closely. “What is it then?” she eventually asked, softly. “You seemed so sure, but… Did you two break up?”

Again, he snorted. “In a way,” he mumbled, remembering the conversations they’d had, at the stables on her birthday and at the armoury on the day after. They had broken up, even as that phrase sounded too weak to describe what happened. Once more, pain flooded his mind and body, and he reached again for the wine, refilling his glass and taking a big gulp. Why couldn’t he turn numb already?

“Why?” Cami probed, and no matter how gentle that one word had been, it still felt like a sting, as if it had torn a hole into his thin layer of protection. From one heartbeat to the other, he wasn’t able to hold back any longer.

“Because she’ll marry someone else!” he burst out, eyes stinging. “Not by choice, but what does that matter? In six weeks, she’ll get married to Eret, and there’s nothing we can do. I lost her.”

There, he’d said it. And now, the desired numbness sat in with full force. He slumped down in his chair, too weak to even hold his head up anymore. For the first time in almost two weeks, tears were welling up in his eyes and he didn’t even try to hold them back. It didn't matter. He’d lost her, forever, and now nothing mattered anymore.

He wasn’t sure how long it took Cami to react again. He was dimly aware of her staring at him with wide eyes and her jaw dropped, but he just didn’t care...

“The Princess,” she eventually whispered, and a tiny sarcastic part of his mind wanted to applaud her. After so many weeks of her trying to pry for any information about his lady love, she now knew. So what? It wasn’t as if things could get worse. “You… are you trying to tell me that this girl you talked about, the one you spent nearly every night with, and who I encouraged you to introduce to sex was the Princess?”

All Hiccup could do was nod weakly, but it seemed to be enough for Cami.

“Are you insane?” she nearly shrieked. “The Princess? H-how… how did that even happen? And what were you thinking? You said you were certain to marry her one day, but… But she’s the Princess, for fuck’s sake. Everyone knew that she would marry for an alliance one day, even she. What in Loki’s name made you believe you could circumvent that?”

Hiccup groaned. Every single one of her words felt like another blow to his battered soul. Yes, they really had been stupid to hope and to dream, hadn’t they? But it had all felt so real…

For a few minutes, Cami went on with her tirade, scolding him, but after a while, it stopped affecting him. He couldn’t take any more, and he also understood that by now, this was more Cami venting out her shock than anything else. Eventually, she stopped, and a heavy silence covered them like a blanket.

“We thought it would work,” he eventually murmured into the silence. “We were so sure… Because… because it had to work…” He could feel that Cami didn’t understand though. And how could she? If he listened to himself now, it barely made any sense to him either. Except… “She and I… we share a bond, one that I can still feel even now when all hope is lost. And we thought… If the Gods bound us like that, doesn’t that mean that we will be together? That it’s our inevitable fate? Isn’t that part of what being soulmates means?” He shook his head, the hopelessness of everything once more crashing down on him.

“Oh, Hiccup…” Cami reached out her hand, hesitated visibly, but then placed it onto his arm after all. “I… I don’t doubt that you thought you’d be soulmates. There are many young couples so madly in love that they feel like that. But… but true soulbonds are rare. So rare that I haven’t even heard of a true one happening in the last thirty years or so. I’m sorry, but… but that wasn’t real.”

Hiccup groaned. He’d known that this would be the most likely reaction to them ever telling anyone. But it still stung to hear her say it. She was wrong, though, he knew that deep in his heart. What he and she shared, that was real. Wasn’t it? “I don’t believe you,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry, Hiccup. But… Let’s think this through. If yours was a true soulbond… then you would have been right. Nothing on Midgard can keep apart what the Gods forged together – not even a King’s decision. So how can you be soulmates when, as you all pointed out, she will marry Eret instead? Her decision falls tomorrow at the ball. Not officially, but binding enough. What made you even believe your bond would be true?”

Almost against his will, his hand wandered to his chest. He could still feel her heartbeat and that spark of her soul deep within him. How could that not be real? But he couldn’t make Cami feel what he felt, so he had to try and put it into words. “I… just know it’s true,” he explained in a whisper. “I can feel her, even now. Right here. And… and I felt her before, too. You remember how she got attacked shortly before Midwinter? I was miles away from her then, asleep at the outer stables. But I still felt her anxiety – her fear and her pain – strong enough to wake me up. There is a bond between us, a connection,” he insisted. Cami still didn’t look convinced though, so he tried to think of what else to tell her. “And we had visions! Well, one vision, but it was the same for both of us. We saw the same thing: our future together in a small house, me coming home after a journey, and she and our son greeting me at the door. That was real!”

In what was probably meant as a comforting gesture, Cami squeezed his arm. “I don’t doubt that you believe that,” she repeated her words from earlier, sighing. “But that doesn’t change the facts, Hiccup. She will marry Eret, as it had always been meant to be. Your bond can’t be real.”

. o O o .

Until deep into the night – with Eret and Dagur still not having returned from the temple – Hiccup kept pondering over Cami’s words.

They made no sense.

He knew, without a doubt, that their bond was real. Vividly, he remembered how her fears had reached him even though he’d had no idea that something had been wrong. He hadn’t made that up. And it was the same with their vision. They both had seen the same future without even knowing each other. That hadn’t been a coincidence. It can’t have been!

No, their bond was real. The longer he thought about it now, staring at the decorated ceiling above him, the clearer it became to him. It wasn’t just a fluke or a pipe dream. It couldn’t be.

But if Cami was right and nothing could ever overcome a true soulbond, what did that mean in return? Did that mean that… that there was still hope after all?

The mere idea made Hiccup’s heart stutter painfully. Had he given up too soon? Should he have fought for her after all? But how? If only he knew what to do. He’d do everything for her, whatever it would take.

The facts remained the same though. He couldn’t think of a solution, no chance, no way for them to be together. And he was running out of time. If there was something he could do then what was it?

So what if Cami had been right after all and he was chasing nothing but a dream. Was it possible that they’d interpreted too much into their feelings? Or maybe it was something else entirely, something he’d thought about before and that Cami hadn’t mentioned. Not even a King’s decision could overrule the Gods’ will, she’d said. But what if the Gods changed their mind? Was it possible that them getting intimate had angered them enough to part them again?

Groaning, he covered his face with his hands. All this pondering wasn’t doing him any good. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about uncountable options already. But he couldn’t think of a way out and he wasn’t optimistic about getting an epiphany anytime soon either. And it would have to come soon, before tomorrow night preferably.

“Please,” he murmured a prayer into the darkness of the empty room. “Please, if it is your wish that we are together then send me a sign. I’d do everything for her, but I need your help. Is there still hope for us? What can I do?”

But it didn’t seem as if the Gods had heard him, or maybe they just didn’t care. There was no sudden lightning strike, no foreign voice speaking in his mind, nothing. For over an hour, he kept pondering and wondering before sleep eventually overcame him.

. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .

He found himself in a forest that he didn’t recognize. Pine, fir, some oak, with light underbrush. Nearby, a mighty tree had fallen in some years past, and there was a cluster of saplings reaching up towards the gap and the light, with blackberry bushes around them. He noticed that he had a heavy basket in hand, filled with the berries, and without thinking, he set off down the well-beaten path behind him. Birds fluttered around in the air above him and he heard squirrels and woodpeckers hard at work.

Then he emerged into a clearing, and the moment Hiccup recognised the small but neat house with a garden of flowers, vegetables, and herbs around it, he knew that he was dreaming. He’d only seen this place once before, and just for a fleeting moment, but it was enough. His heart was beating furiously as his feet led him closer. If this was the same like the last time, then there should be the noise of a barking dog at any moment and then the door would open to…

But this was not a repetition of the vision he’d had some months ago, he realised. There was no barking dog, not even when he reached the still-closed door. He waited, and when nothing happened he lifted his hand to open it himself. It was locked though, so he knocked instead, eager to see her. Maybe indulging in this dream wasn’t a wise idea, but he honestly didn’t care. He only wanted to see her…

But still, the door didn’t open. Instead, he heard a voice in his head, old and gnarled somehow.

I am locked.

With a start, he looked around, but there was nobody. Shaking his head in puzzlement, he knocked again but had no time to even wait for a reaction from inside when the voice spoke again.

Still locked.

Somehow, it sounded amused this time, and finally the words started to make sense, even as nothing else did. But this was a dream, Hiccup reminded himself. Things didn’t need to make sense…

“Can… can you open up for me?” He felt stupid talking to a wooden door, but it also felt weirdly right.

The voice in his mind chuckled. No, I can’t do that.

Hiccup’s shoulders slumped. He had the strong feeling that this was more than just an ordinary dream. The answer to his questions was inside this little house, their future home. But if he couldn’t get inside, then–

But you can open me.

Hiccup blinked and reflexively tried to open the door again. But it wouldn’t budge, only rattled a bit. “No, I can’t. You’re locked.”

Don’t you have a key?

“No, I don’t. Why would–” he broke off when the door’s voice again chuckled in his mind.

I think you do.

Hiccup didn’t understand. How was he supposed to have a key, either to this enchanted door or it’s future counterpart? He had no keys at all, had nothing on him except the clothes he’d fallen asleep in – the basket had vanished at some point without him noticing – and–

With a start, he scrambled for the cord around his neck. For her key.

See? the voice chuckled again, then faded away. He didn’t expect to hear it ever again.

Instead, he looked down at the key in his hand. It was bigger than in reality, sturdier, but it very clearly was the same key. With shaking fingers, he pushed it into the lock and wasn’t even surprised when it fit perfectly. With an audible click, the door unlocked and opened without his doing, revealing the person standing behind it.

“I’m so glad you made it,” she said in her usual slightly nasal voice, her blue eyes beaming and her pink lips stretched into a loving smile.

Hiccup could do nothing but stare. It was her. She was here! Joy bubbled up inside him and a wide grin stretched over his face. It might just be a dream, but still. Looking at her, openly and without having to hide anything, was balm for his soul.

“Come with me,” she said, smiling, and took his hand to lead him around the house and into the garden. It was bigger than he’d realised, with a patch of soft grass beneath an old tree where they made themselves comfortable. The branches and leaves build something like a roof above them, with only small spots of sunlight dotting the ground and dancing when the breeze caught in the tree overhead.

On their way, he took the time to look at their surroundings, her hand in his warm and reassuring. To their left, there was a stream and a little lake and to the right, he spotted the edge of the thick forest he’d come out of. Behind the building and the garden was a steep wall of solid stone that stretched to surround the clearing in a wide arc on nearly all sides except for a narrow opening somewhere in the forest. A caldera?

He shook his head, inwardly laughing at himself. Finally, he had the chance to spend time with her again, or something close to that at least, and he wasted it by looking at the scenery? Quickly, he focused on her again, on her hair, her face, the feeling of her hand in his – and frowned. Clearly, it was her, but at the same time, she was… different. He looked at her more intently, trying to pin down what exactly it was that threw him off. She certainly didn’t look the same as when he’d seen her earlier that day. She was older by some years, more grown up. Her face had lost a bit of its roundness and was more defined, her golden hair a shade or two paler. But that wasn’t what bothered him.

Somehow, she didn’t feel right. Of course, she wasn’t real, was just a product of his dream, but still there seemed to me more. She was too alive for a dream, and she was different. As if it wasn’t his soulmate at all sitting there at his side, but instead someone else.

He pushed the thought aside as something ridiculous. This was a dream. None of this was real and nothing needed to make sense. A part of him tried to convince himself that it would be better to simply wake up. It would be too easy to get lost in this fantasy and the longer he indulged in it the more it would hurt when he woke up again. But even with her not feeling right, being here in this beautiful garden with her to simply enjoy their time… it was too wonderful, and he couldn’t bring himself to even try to wake up.

She didn’t say anything, only watched him with that warm smile of hers that he loved so much as his hand cupped her cheek, his eyes taking in her achingly familiar features. He savoured every moment of the illusion of being so close to her, of feeling her warmth beneath his hand, and of the faint mayweed scent surrounding her. Even if nothing of this was real, it still felt real enough to pretend. For a few minutes, they continued like this, with him marvelling how well their hands fit together and how their soft caressing each other made him shudder, until he invited her into his embrace and she followed without a moment’s hesitation. At that moment, he didn’t care how much this dream might pain him once he woke up. Simply holding her like this was worth everything, and it only strengthened his resolve to keep fighting for her in case he ever got the chance.

“I miss you,” he murmured a good while later. It was hard to tell the passing of time, but he would say that at least an hour had passed with them simply cuddling in the comfortable grass. By now, he lay with his head cushioned in her lap, her hand carding through his hair. It felt good, so peaceful and right. He never wanted to leave again.

“I know,” she replied. “I felt your pain and I heard your plea. That’s why I came to you.”

Hiccup frowned at her odd choice of words. She’d come to him because of his plea? What plea? And how had she come to him, when this was only a dream? It didn’t make sense, unless–

“But don’t give up,” she went on, interrupting his line of thoughts. “You were right right from the beginning. Don’t give in to doubt now.”

With wide eyes, he looked up at her, at her face, beautiful as always yet with an intense, almost divine inner glow... None of this made sense, unless it wasn’t a dream after all. Was this the answer he’d asked for?

He took a deep breath to calm himself. If he was right...

“Is there still hope then?” he asked breathless yet carefully, unsure what he even was allowed to do in her presence.

Smiling, she nodded. “There is always hope.”

Hastily, he scrambled up to his knees to look at her. “Please. I… I need your advice, Oh Fair One. I don’t know what to do.”

She smiled at him, and there was no question to him that this wasn’t Astrid, for all that She wore his love’s form. “Do what comes naturally to you.”

“I... I have been,” he said, pained. “But it isn’t enough!”

“I know it feels that way,” she said, and her eyes seemed to gleam with an inner radiance, blue like the sapphires he’d once seen in a shop held up to sunlight. “Foresight is a painful gift, but We had a purpose in Our selection...”

“My Lady...” Hiccup began, and her head jerked towards him, a wry smile on his beloved’s lips.

“Yes?”

“Please. Please. It hurts so much being parted. All I want is to hold her again. Is there a way?”

She scoffed. “You are strong enough for the work ahead, although I know the path is difficult. Do Our work and know that your reward will be yours.” She motioned to the clearing and the house inside it. “Success–or failure–is entirely in your hands.”

“Then why are you here?” he asked.

“You called,” she said simply. “And in answer to your question... do you want to know? Truly? Foresight is a painful gift, as I said.”

Hiccup didn’t hesitate and knelt. “My Lady, please. You bound my heart to her. Just tell me what I must do to hold her again.”

She patted his head and said softly. “So We did. Well then. Yes, you can hold your beloved in your arms again. Soon. But first, you will end the life of someone dear to her.”

. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .

It was strange, Hiccup thought the next morning, how little it bothered him to prepare Crusher for Eret. Even though he was incredibly grateful Eret had rescued him, it had always pained Hiccup to tend to his father’s former stallion and to hum his mother’s lullaby to calm the beast. But today, it barely affected him at all. His mind was too occupied with that dream. That vision.

You can hold your beloved in your arms again. Soon. But first, you will end the life of someone dear to her.

She’d said that and he’d woken, and in the hours since, the words of the Goddess had continued to echo through his thoughts. There was barely anything else that registered in his mind. Every stroke down Crusher’s silken black fur and every movement to bridle and saddle him was done through pure force of habit, just like it had been with Cassie before. What did those words mean?

Was he supposed to kill someone for her? That… that seemed rather crass and he couldn’t see how that would be good for her in any way. She hated pointless deaths... Besides, he didn’t even know who. Eret maybe, so he couldn’t marry her in his stead? Or her father, in revenge for his decision and to render it useless? Or someone else entirely; Dagur, or Daniel, or someone he couldn’t even think of right now?

His heart was thrumming with hope, with the prospect of how maybe they still had a chance after all. But the circumstances were daunting, to say the least. He’d thought he was ready to do everything for this chance, but this… Could he kill someone, just out of the hope that it would somehow get them back together again? And if he could do it… Who and how and when?

The whirling thoughts in his mind made him dizzy, and he had to sit down for a minute. More out of reflex, he rubbed his twinging leg as he gazed into the distance with unseeing eyes. End the life of someone dear to her… Was this really what he had to do? Or had he just imagined it all, had it been nothing but a dream made up by his desperation? Gods, he couldn’t even trust his own mind anymore!

His hand wandered to his chest, feeling for the key and her warmth beneath. Last night, in that dream or vision or whatever it had been, holding her in his arms had reminded him of just how much he needed her in his life. If there was a chance for them, then he just had to take it.

But did that mean that he could murder Eret if it came down to that?

“Hey. You all right?”

Hiccup jumped when, unexpectedly, Eret’s voice cut into his thoughts. He looked up at his cousin, a spark of panic flaring up inside him. Would he be able to read Hiccup’s thoughts from a moment ago on his face?

“H-hey,” he stammered in greeting. “Yeah, everything’s good. Fine. Uh, Crusher is ready, but if you want you can check him over again. I’m feeling a bit fried – rough night – so I’m not all here right now. I-I hope I made no mistake.” Oh, wouldn’t that be ironic? If he killed Eret by accident simply because he hadn’t correctly taken care of his kit? Or would that even count as an accident, with a small dark voice in the back of his mind demanding him to do it? A shiver ran down Hiccup’s spine, and he averted his face when he felt Eret’s scrutinising look on him.

“Hiccup... what’s wrong?” He paused for a moment before he went on with a low sigh. “Listen… You don’t have to come along today if you don’t feel like it. This is just a joy ride, nothing more. You’ll really be needed as squire at the ball tonight, so you’d better rest until then.”

Hiccup grimaced as Eret’s words brought a new idea to his mind. Could he kill Eret simply by not being around when he needed his help? These thoughts were driving him insane!

“No, I’m good, really,” he muttered and tried to force something like a smile on his face. “But still, you better check that all buckles and straps are where they should be.”

“As if you’d make a mistake when it comes to horses,” Eret snorted. “No, I trust you. Besides, we don’t really have time for that anyway. I’m… well, I slept too long and I fear the rest of the party is already waiting. Let’s get going.”

With a tight smile, Hiccup nodded and was glad when turning to get Cassie provided him with a welcome excuse. Interacting with Eret had never felt this awkward before, and he was certain that his unusual tension hadn’t escaped Eret’s notice.

He had to admit, however, that going for a ride was a wonderful diversion from their other activities lately. Hiccup rarely ever felt as free and relaxed as when on horseback, and even with how anxious he was today, Cassie’s familiar movements beneath him filled him with a certain calmness.

As Eret had predicted, it was nothing but a slow ride through the countryside, hardly a joyous ride; in fact, it was more of a discomforting plodding, which Hiccup knew that she and her brothers all hated from how they’d reacted over the last few months. But it couldn’t be helped, given the number of riders in the party. Most of the hundred and more suitors were riding with them, and their horsemanship left much to be desired, especially as they crowded around her, unable or unwilling to just yet accept that they’d lost. But that was understandable, as they were the survivors of the contests so far, after the injuries during the tournaments and hunts had killed nearly two dozen, with that one boar having accounted for four deaths all on its own, and another two dozen-plus were wounded or maimed. They wouldn’t give up that easily, not now, not after everything.

From his place close behind Eret, he could barely even see her on Markor’s back where she rode at the front of the party next to the King. And their speed wasn’t helped by her having to use that ridiculous side saddle for this official event. He figured she wouldn’t be all too happy right now from that, but hoped that she’d at least find some form of comfort by being allowed to ride again for once.

Trying not to focus too hard on her and trusting in Cassie to stay in her place amidst the group, the slow pace gave Hiccup the chance to further brood over the riddle She had given him – even as the sober thought of the Goddess Herself having appeared in his dreams nearly made him hysterical. It all felt so surreal, impossible, and only left him more confused than before. Yes, he’d asked for help, for a hint at whether and what he could do, but had that vision – if it had been a vision at all – really helped him? He wasn’t so sure about that. She’d been right. Foresight was a painful gift.

For well over an hour, they rode along the shore of Lake Vola while Hiccup’s thoughts still whirled around in circles. He hadn’t paid their surroundings any mind, but from one moment to the other that changed. There was a commotion at the front of their party; a horse whinnied and others snorted, men yelled, and there was abrupt movement among the packed riders, some halting and others urging their steeds on.

Then a sudden shriek of pure agony rent the air, and it was only by dint of long experience that Hiccup kept Cassie from bolting in panic. A number of horses did bolt, sending their riders tumbling out of their saddles or carrying them off, and shouts of surprise and dismay joined the agonized cry of someone in mortal pain.

And from the sound, Hiccup knew, knew who it was...

. o O o .

Right... and I'm back into hiding...

Next Chapter

#For The Love Of A Princess #FTLOAP #hiccstid #hiccstrid fanfiction #fanfiction #httyd #Hiccup and Astrid #medieval au #Hiccstrid Medieval AU #hiccstrid royal au #royalty au #Romance/Angst/Hurt/Comfort/Fluff

[morfinwen]

Could you do the BrOTP ask for Lauren & Ian? And then I'm not sure what other sets of your characters qualifies as BrOTPs, but how about #3, 6, 13, 15, and 18 for any you want to answer for? Thank you! :)

Ian and Lauren

1. What in-jokes do they have with each other?

- Referring to ‘Frere Jacques’ as “the French National anthem”

- Calling all birds “penguins”

- Pointing to a bell or candle and yelling “CHRISTMAS!” (Ian’s the only one who does this one in public)

2. Are they the “I’ll pay this time if you pay next time”-type friends, or the “I’ll pay for my food and you’ll pay for yours”-type friends?

Usually they pay for their own food. Sometimes Ian forgets his wallet and Lauren covers for him, and there are days when Lauren is super out of sorts and Ian takes her out and insists on paying. It seems to even out.

3. Who’s more prone to pranking, or otherwise messing with, the other?

Lauren doesn’t prank or mess with Ian because that’s not the kind of person she is. Ian doesn’t prank or mess with Lauren because that’s just asking for trouble.

4. How do they text/message each other? Proper punctuation and capital letters, egregious overuse of emojis, mostly in meme format…?

Ian mostly uses correct spelling, but can’t be bothered with capitalization or most forms of punctuation (he’ll use the occasional ? or ! for clarity or emphasis, apostrophes are a toss-up). Sometimes he’ll use a single emoji as a response.

For Lauren, it’s all about speed. She abbreviates liberally, uses more acronyms than most people know exist, only uses punctuation for emphasis (!!! or ???), and hates emojis. She tolerates them from Ian because he uses them as an efficient replacement for a multiple word response, but even then it sometimes ticks her off to see one on her phone.

5. Do they exchange jokey birthday presents, or deeply thought-out and meaningful presents? Or both?

Lauren’s parents could never afford to get their children more than one or two gifts a year, and it was common for the presents to be homemade or secondhand. Ian’s parents preferred to do something for him on his birthday, like go see a movie or visit the museum, and give him one or two big presents plus a few smaller ones at Christmas. Both of them learned to manage their expectations regarding presents. Getting or giving a gift that indicates a great deal of thought and consideration from the giver would require either a change in perspective, or result in potential miscommunication.

They occasionally get each other gifts, closer to thoughtful than jokey, but putting a lot of thought into it might make things awkward. Mostly it’s gift certificates or music CDs they think the other might like.

6. They go on a road trip together. Who drives, who picks the music, who’s in charge of snacks?

Ian puts together a CD.

They both buy the kind of snacks they want.

Ian starts driving.

Lauren hears one too many songs she’s not in the mood for on his CD, and switches to the radio.

This trip, Ian promises himself, he will ration his Twinkies. One hour in, he’s eaten the whole box. It’s fine, they need to stop for directions anyway.

Lauren buys a new soda. She doesn’t want the one she has.

Ian starts driving again, but Lauren insists he’s misreading the directions they got, so she drives. 

Lauren gets sick of the radio, so Ian puts his CD back on.

Ian runs out of Twinkies again. Lauren lets him have one of her snacks - one that she can’t believe she brought, she doesn’t even like that kind.

They’re lost. Lauren only admits it 45-60 minutes after she first starts wondering if she missed the right turn.

Ian tries using the GPS to figure out which way to go, but either he’s using it wrong or it’s confused about where they are.

They stop for directions. Ian has to ask, because Lauren is too angry to be civil.

It’s time for lunch, so they stop.

Lauren is still too worked up over having gotten lost to drive, so Ian starts driving. He puts on his CD for only a few minutes before Lauren switches to the radio.

Twenty minutes later, he realizes he got on the wrong highway, and they’re backtracking. He tries to get off to turn around, but instead winds up on another highway headed in a totally different direction.

They get off, and Lauren insists on driving. She gets turned around, and now they’re heading in the opposite of that totally different direction. 

They pull over and argue over the map/GPS for several minutes. It’s about a half hour before Lauren calms down enough to get back in the car.

Ian drives with the radio off. Lauren sulks in the passenger seat. They finally get on the correct highway.

Forty minutes later, Ian misses his turn-off, but because they’re on a rural highway in the middle of nowhere, he doesn’t realize it. 

Two hours later, they both start wondering, weren’t they supposed to reach a city by now? After arguing with the GPS again, they decide to ask for directions once they stop for dinner.

There’s nowhere to stop. Lauren thinks they should turn around, Ian insists it’s better to keep going.

Thirty to forty minutes later, still nowhere. Ian starts to think they should turn around, Lauren argues that they already know there’s nothing back there, there’s got to be something closer ahead. Ian can’t really argue with this.

The first place they see to eat is Lauren’s least favorite dining chain, so they keep going.

They have to stop for gas, and while Lauren doesn’t like any of the places she sees, she’s too hungry and tired to argue. Ian is less hungry, having eaten all of the snacks, but still ready for dinner.

It’s dark now. When they get directions, Lauren is furious when she finds out this happened because Ian missed the turn-off hours ago. Ian lets her rant – he was driving, after all.

They stop for the night in a hotel that is at least half a state away from where they were supposed to stop for the night. 

The next day, they turn around and go home, because this whole road trip idea was a terrible one to begin with, and things are only going to get worse.

On the way back, they get turned around three times.

7. What do they think of each other’s family?

Ian gets along with some of Lauren’s siblings, and is civil to but avoids interaction with the others. He finds her parents intimidating, her mother moreso than her father, and is instinctively on his best behavior around them. Overall he likes them, or at least doesn’t dislike them, but frankly he finds spending time around them kind of exhausting. 

Lauren sometimes wishes her parents were more like Ian’s parents.

8. Do they have any nicknames for each other?

Nope.

9. Who’d be the first to try and patch things up if they had a fight?

Ian. It’s always Ian, even when it wasn’t really a fight, just Lauren blowing up over something. 

10. One of their phones goes off in the middle of the night. Who’s calling whom, and why?

The only time either of them would call the other in the middle of the night is in an emergency. Lauren is very good at having a regular, sensible bedtime that gives her a solid eight hours of sleep. Ian is less good at it, but doesn’t generally feel like making calls at midnight, and definitely knows better than to bother Lauren if he did. 

11. What’s their favorite funny story about something that happened to the two of them?

Probably something Ian did in grade school to poke fun at someone who was harassing Lauren. 

12. Would they do a joint cosplay? If so, who would they dress up as?

By coincidence, Ian went as Link for Halloween one year and Lauren went as Princess Zelda. They deliberately did it again in college.

13. Do they have any TV shows that they watch together? Are there any shows they have wildly different opinions on?

Lauren actually likes reality tv – ironically it’s easier to treat the drama less seriously because it’s pretending to be reality. She likes the occasional sitcom, as long as the characters are equally jerks and/or stupid. Ian can’t stand either of those. He likes dramas and speculative fiction (he grew up watching all the Star Trek shows with his dad).

I’ve never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer myself, but it seems like the kind of show they would be able to watch together: fantasy drama for Ian, funny/tongue-in-cheek enough for Lauren, though they definitely had different opinions on the characters and plotlines.

14. Which one is the “fight me” friend and which one is the one who tries to keep the peace and prevent their friend from punching a total stranger?

This question pretty much answers itself. 

15. One of them comes up with an ill-advised but mostly harmless idea. Does the other one egg them on because they think it’ll be funny, or try and talk them out of it?

Ian comes up with the occasional crazy-but-harmless idea. Lauren won’t egg him on, but if her half-hearted attempt to talk him out of it fails, she might stick around to see the outcome – as long as she’s far enough away no one mistakes her for being involved. 

16. Who would win if they arm-wrestled?

Growing up in the family she did, Lauren learned a lot of dirty tricks for arm-wrestling. Ian absolutely refuses to compete with her anymore, even if she insists she won’t use any of them.

17. Who’s better at what type of video games, and how competitive are they when they play together?

Ian is good with platformers and rhythm games. Lauren doesn’t really play video games. The only one they play together is Mario Kart, and Lauren is so nightmarishly competitive Ian just stays out of her way.

18. One of them ends up in hospital for something serious but not life-threatening. What does the other bring along when they visit in order to cheer them up?

Ian would bring Lauren a soft ball or something else she could throw or otherwise express her frustration physically upon, a CD of calm, meditative music, a kaleidoscope or glitter wand, and/or a coloring book of shapes or nature. 

Lauren would bring Ian a DVD set of a sci-fi show, most likely cheesy or low-quality because most sci-fi shows are and she doesn’t have the least idea how to judge them, a complete comic series, and/or a historical documentary. 

19. How huggy are they?

Ian isn’t a touchy kind of guy, and Lauren does not like being touched without permission, so not very.

20. What was the moment when they first realized that they’d become friends?

Ian pretty much decided they were friends from the first day he started harass – i mean following Lauren around in kindergarten. For Lauren, it was probably when Ian invited her to his birthday party and was clearly happy when she came – up until that point, she’d kind of assumed his parents made him invite her.

------

The situations in which the Quartet – Chris, Angie, Neal, and Reagan – interact are not numerous, but i’m going to answer this for them as a group anyway.

3. Who’s more prone to pranking, or otherwise messing with, the other?

Chris. He’s never intentionally mean or over-the-top, and never does anything that could hurt or get someone in trouble. 

On rare occasions, Reagan might pull something small, especially if she can keep her involvement secret.

6. They go on a road trip together. Who drives, who picks the music, who’s in charge of snacks?

Chris drives. He also has the map, the bathroom and meal breaks planned (both location and time), and the address of any hotels they’ll be staying at, as well as their room numbers. He has control issues, which he is open and honest about, but he’s still driving. If for some reason they’ve been driving long enough that it’s not safe anymore for him to drive, he will reluctantly hand it over; most likely to Reagan, since she’s got the next-highest tolerance for it.

Neal and Reagan put together CDs with different music. Neal because he’s good at balancing their tastes and is the most invested in what they’ll be listening to, Reagan because she’s usually got new music to introduce, and because she’s stronger-willed than Neal when it comes to telling Chris no, they are not including the entire soundtrack to every hit Broadway musical. No, not even most of them.

Everyone is responsible for bringing their own snacks, but Angie will always have extras in her bag – weirdly enough, usually ones that others meant to bring but forgot. She also has a good balance of healthy and sweet, in case one of the others (or rather, all of the others) were not as good at balancing and just brought candy -- or in Chris’ case, possibly just jalapeño-flavored chips.

13. Do they have any TV shows that they watch together? Are there any shows they have wildly different opinions on?

In the right moods, they can all watch the same show of any type  – discuss it seriously if it’s good, mock it if it’s bad. Otherwise, their tastes are way too disparate.

15. One of them comes up with an ill-advised but mostly harmless idea. Does the other one egg them on because they think it’ll be funny, or try and talk them out of it?

Chris sometimes comes up with ideas like that. He doesn’t need anyone to egg him on, but Reagan is the most likely to encourage him.

18. One of them ends up in hospital for something serious but not life-threatening. What does the other bring along when they visit in order to cheer them up?

Chris: Any length of time in bed would be so distracting as to nearly make him go mad, so even though he tries to hold himself back, he usually ends up overdoing it – an entire TV series on DVD (7+ seasons), plus some kind of handheld game, plus some kind of project (arts and crafts, mechanical, anything at all) that can be done while in bed, plus an ambient noise generator.

Reagan: Music, or an audiobook for Angie. For Chris, covers of classic or Broadway songs by new or obscure artists, with a few pop songs mixed in to keep him on his toes – if possible, she’ll find covers of those pop songs in a very different style, see how long it takes him to figure out he’s listening to a Latin choral version of “Call Me Maybe”. For Neal, long choral or classical pieces, and/or new age-style music. 

Neal: …. A balloon and a card, with a stuffed animal if it’s Angie or Reagan. He’s not very good at this.

Angie: Books. For Chris, either an action story or an exciting non-fiction book that reads like fiction, plus some Sudoku books or some other kind of puzzle book – the harder the better. For Reagan, either a fully-dramatized audiobook or something with more pictures than text – maybe a graphic novel, more likely something with pretty nature vistas or interesting architecture. For Neal, a book of poetry, plus a journal for getting his thoughts down.

Thanks for asking!

#ask #answer #OCs #lauren winston #ian grayson #christopher hardie #angie mckendrick #reagan travers #neal fairchild #valiantarcher

[reading-writing-revolution]

Don't be an asshole; don't be like Trump. Give a fuck.

I'm not and have never been a liberal (I've never voted for a Clinton) - I'm a registered Independent and always have been, and I agree with every word of what's below the dotted line.

I don't consider this to be a liberal standpoint at all. I consider it to be a "I'm not an asshole" standpoint, or a "We could solve these problems if we actually gave a fuck about other people" standpoint, but too many people in power or privilege are too threatened by these ideas. They think liberty and dignity and rights are finite commodities, and if someone gets equal amounts, another person might get less - less liberty, less dignity, fewer rights. This is stupidity in action, but Americans, in general, are not known for critical thinking, and politicians prefer citizens dumb and pliant.

Think again. In a country that put a man on the moon and won two world wars, we can't solve these problems? Sure we can. But we won't because too many people are too happy to let their neighbors suffer. If you're one of them, read this, then go slam your hand in a door, then come read it again and get a fucking clue...maybe the pain will help you think clearer and you can salvage some of your humanity.

You're welcome.

-------------

"I'm getting a little tired of being told what I believe and what I stand for. I'm liberal, but that doesn't mean what a lot of you apparently think it does.

Let's break it down, shall we? Spoiler alert: Not every liberal is the same, though the majority of liberals I know think along roughly these same lines:

1. I believe a country should take care of its weakest members. A country cannot call itself civilized when its children, disabled, sick, and elderly are neglected. Period.

2. I believe healthcare is a right, not a privilege. Somehow that's interpreted as "I believe Obamacare is the end-all, be-all." This is not the case. I'm fully aware that the ACA has problems, that a national healthcare system would require everyone to chip in, and that it's impossible to create one that is devoid of flaws, but I have yet to hear an argument against it that makes "let people die because they can't afford healthcare" a better alternative. I believe healthcare should be far cheaper than it is, and that everyone should have access to it. And no, I'm not opposed to paying higher taxes in the name of making that happen.

3. I believe education should be affordable and accessible to everyone. It doesn't necessarily have to be free (though it works in other countries so I'm mystified as to why it can't work in the US), but at the end of the day, there is no excuse for students graduating college saddled with five- or six-figure debt.

4. I don't believe your money should be taken from you and given to people who don't want to work. I have literally never encountered anyone who believes this. Ever. I just have a massive moral problem with a society where a handful of people can possess the majority of the wealth while there are people literally starving to death, freezing to death, or dying because they can't afford to go to the doctor. Fair wages, lower housing costs, universal healthcare, affordable education, and the wealthy actually paying their share would go a long way toward alleviating this. Somehow believing that makes me a communist.

5. I don't throw around "I'm willing to pay higher taxes" lightly. If I'm suggesting something that involves paying more, well, it's because I'm fine with paying my share as long as it's actually going to something besides lining corporate pockets or bombing other countries while Americans die without healthcare.

6. I believe companies should be required to pay their employees a decent, livable wage. Somehow this is always interpreted as me wanting burger flippers to be able to afford a penthouse apartment and a Mercedes. What it actually means is that no one should have to work three full-time jobs just to keep their head above water. Restaurant servers should not have to rely on tips, multibillion-dollar companies should not have employees on food stamps, workers shouldn't have to work themselves into the ground just to barely make ends meet, and minimum wage should be enough for someone to work 40 hours and live.

7. I am not anti-Christian. I have no desire to stop Christians from being Christians, to close churches, to ban the Bible, to forbid prayer in school, etc. (BTW, prayer in school is NOT illegal; *compulsory* prayer in school is - and should be - illegal). All I ask is that Christians recognize *my* right to live according to *my* beliefs. When I get pissed off that a politician is trying to legislate Scripture into law, I'm not "offended by Christianity" -- I'm offended that you're trying to force me to live by your religion's rules. You know how you get really upset at the thought of Muslims imposing Sharia law on you? That's how I feel about Christians trying to impose biblical law on me. Be a Christian. Do your thing. Just don't force it on me or mine.

8. I don't believe LGBT people should have more rights than you. I just believe they should have the *same* rights as you.

9. I don't believe illegal immigrants should come to America and have the world at their feet, especially since THIS ISN'T WHAT THEY DO (spoiler: undocumented immigrants are ineligible for all those programs they're supposed to be abusing, and if they're "stealing" your job it's because your employer is hiring illegally). I'm not opposed to deporting people who are here illegally, but I believe there are far more humane ways to handle undocumented immigration than our current practices (i.e., detaining children, splitting up families, ending DACA, etc).

10. I don't believe the government should regulate everything, but since greed is such a driving force in our country, we NEED regulations to prevent cut corners, environmental destruction, tainted food/water, unsafe materials in consumable goods or medical equipment, etc. It's not that I want the government's hands in everything -- I just don't trust people trying to make money to ensure that their products/practices/etc. are actually SAFE. Is the government devoid of shadiness? Of course not. But with those regulations in place, consumers have recourse if they're harmed and companies are liable for medical bills, environmental cleanup, etc. Just kind of seems like common sense when the alternative to government regulation is letting companies bring their bottom line into the equation.

11. I believe our current administration is fascist. Not because I dislike them or because I can’t get over an election, but because I've spent too many years reading and learning about the Third Reich to miss the similarities. Not because any administration I dislike must be Nazis, but because things are actually mirroring authoritarian and fascist regimes of the past.

12. I believe the systemic racism and misogyny in our society is much worse than many people think, and desperately needs to be addressed. Which means those with privilege -- white, straight, male, economic, etc. -- need to start listening, even if you don't like what you're hearing, so we can start dismantling everything that's causing people to be marginalized.

13. I am not interested in coming after your blessed guns, nor is anyone serving in government. What I am interested in is sensible policies, that just MIGHT save one person’s, perhaps a toddler’s, life by the hand of someone who should not have a gun. (Got another opinion? Put it on your page, not mine).

14. I believe in so-called political correctness. I prefer to think it’s social politeness. If I call you Chuck and you say you prefer to be called Charles I’ll call you Charles. It’s the polite thing to do. Not because everyone is a delicate snowflake, but because as Maya Angelou put it, when we know better, we do better. When someone tells you that a term or phrase is more accurate/less hurtful than the one you're using, you now know better. So why not do better? How does it hurt you to NOT hurt another person?

15. I believe in funding sustainable energy, including offering education to people currently working in coal or oil so they can change jobs. There are too many sustainable options available for us to continue with coal and oil. Sorry, billionaires. Maybe try investing in something else.

16. I believe that women should not be treated as a separate class of human. They should be paid the same as men who do the same work, should have the same rights as men including decisions about their own bodies, and should be free from abuse. Why on earth shouldn’t they be?

I think that about covers it. Bottom line is that I'm liberal because I think we should take care of each other. That doesn't mean you should work 80 hours a week so your lazy neighbor can get all your money. It just means I don't believe there is any scenario in which preventable suffering is an acceptable outcome as long as money is saved."

Author unknown

[pbandjesse]

I can't believe it's 11:30. If both feels way later than that and we're earlier. I'm tired. But I'm not as exhausted as I think I would be normally. Today was a really good time. It just feels like it was 6 days in one.

I slept okay last night. I woke up at 8 and got ready to go to the museum. I got there a couple minutes late because of traffic but it was no big deal. I setup my project and the kids came basically on time. It was the largest group ever had for in the neighborhood but they were really good kids. I had 21 but four of them were special needs and so they didn't really participate and then they just kind of walked around the museum when we were on tour. So I had 17 and that was fine. It was nice. They were good kids and paid attention and did all the things I wanted them to do. The teachers and chaperones we're just on point and it was great. Whenever I needed help they were right there. It was awesome.

I finished up there around 12:30. I had agreed to do an extra half an hour but that made me late to work at the school. Not that it actually matters besides my paycheck but not a big deal. I'll make it up somewhere else. But since I already knew I was going to be late I stopped at Chipotle and had nachos.

While I was eating my nachos I solve two ends of the spectrum of police officers in Baltimore. I saw traffic cops wearing fluorescent vests and I saw Baltimore Police in camo. So the most visible and the least visible. Very strange. You're in the city why are you wearing camo.

I missed the bus right as I was going up the hill. But another one was about five minutes away so it was fine. The blue line runs all over the place so I don't know why I ever bother worrying about the next bus. It'll either be there in the next 2 minutes or it will take 45. No in between.

I got to the school at 1:30 and got to work on some prep for the day. There wasn't a ton to do. When I went and got the kids I have them come right upstairs with Chelsea and had everyone bind a book. So there's only like three or four left. So that's excellent. And the kids were mostly really good today. We did have one thing happened at the end of the day that wasn't cool. But Chelsea really laid down the law and their were tears but I think they got some understanding.

Right before the end of the day though me and Damien took Otto my clock and turned him into a graduation Furby. I had really wanted to get a graduation for me to bring to Charlotte's graduation tonight but it just didn't happen. And that's not what I really need. It's just a black and white wearing a little hat. And Otto is black and white so we made him a little graduation cap. And then Damien told me he wanted to make a certificate. And I didn't know what he was talking about but I told him go ahead. And he brings me a little scroll with a little ribbon on it because he made a diploma. He didn't know that's what it was called that's what he made. Absolutely precious.

All of the kids got picked up real early and I was able to make the early bus. So I got home before 6. I took a shower and I got changed. I redid my makeup and fix my hair. I packed my purse up and then I called a car.

My driver was really nice and we had a really nice conversation all the way to the tap room. And James was outside. And it was so nice to see him. He looks so handsome. His hair was all done up and his shirt was really cute.

And I had a great night. I helped set some stuff up. I took the plastic off stuff for his mom. I said happy birthday and happy graduation to his sister because both happened today! So congratulations to James's sister Charlotte for graduating from Hopkins with 9 cords. I think that's what they're called. The colorful ribbons that they put around their necks when they have a bunch of extra things. Because she's incredibly smart. And she's very nice. And tonight was a really good celebration.

I got to meet a bunch of change this family and family friends. I got to tell stories. And I got to meet Hopkins grads that thought I was fascinating and that was cool. I wish I would have had more time to learn more about them but they kept asking me questions. I had a really nice time. We got to go on a brewery tour and there was a bunch of rats back here and we all thought I was hilarious. Not uncommon because you know wheat and barley and things. I don't know why other people were surprised by it. It's Baltimore. I'm sure everything is clean enough in the actual process of beer making.

I had a really good night though. At the end of the night James mom told me to take as much stuff home as possible. So I got three plants and two plates of food and both the Diet Cokes that they bought for me. Someone accidentally crushed with my plants but I think I'm going to be able to save them. When I got home after my Lyft ride. Which was very good. The man was very very nice and we had a really nice conversation. I use chopsticks to take them back together. So I'm hoping with some babying I'll be able to save them

James stay behind to finish helping clean up. And I got home and got washed up. Brought all of my stuff inside. Put all the food in containers and opened up my new package. Which is my new weird pink robot dog. Which is absolutely incredible for a 14 year old dog. It rolls over and plays dead and it does guard Duty. I'm very excited to explore this thing a little bit more. The books that came with it has a basic function and an advanced function and there's a lot of things that can do and I'm excited that has autonomous features. Those are my favorite kinds of robots.

I'm going to get ready for bed now. I'm very tired. I have the next four days off and I'm going to finish my tooth sculpture and I'm going to finish my lesson plans. I'm going to go to the Xfinity store and figure how to cancel my internet because there is no option for that on their website or explanation on how to do it. I keep saying I'm moving. But it just wants me to move my service to my new place. James has internet I don't need to internet. But I will figure it out. But I'm hoping it's just a nice weekend. And I can take the bus long distances to stores I don't get to go to often. And James has his job interview on Saturday and then we have the whole afternoon together. And hopefully we'll move some more stuff to his place. And I'm just hoping it's a really good day.

I hope it's a good night for you guys as well. Sleep well everybody. Stay safe out there.

#ootd #babe #work #selfie #boyfriend #boy #party #graduation #thursday #kids #museum