#and im not at a stage where i can consistently challenge it

[littlecutiexox]

You are way better than porn 🥵

Cute things like this make me wish I was doing porn full time again but gah I’m just not cut out for it 🥺

#im so much less stressed now that im not doing onlyfans ngl #i do miss doing full videos #like the two full length spiderman videos i did #i was and still am crazy proud of #so much id wanna do #but my anxiety limits me a lot #and im not at a stage where i can consistently challenge it #but uh might post some old clips on twitter later #filming stuff with a fuck machine was sooooo fun

[chucklesandwitch]

Philza and His Favorites

summary: it was always clear phil had favorites. it wasn’t like he kept it a secret, either.

word count: 2.9k

a/n: sorry if the format is weird. the timeline may be a little mixed up, and i know i skipped some plotlines, but i wrote this from memory so i did my best. also, this is my first piece of writing that im posting! :D you can read it on ao3 here!

     It was always clear Phil had favorites. It wasn’t like he kept it a secret, either. Even before Tommy, Phil always favored one twin over the other. And when he found his third son, shoveling dirt into his mouth by the handfuls in his back yard, well, it’s obvious he wouldn't exactly be on top of the list. 

     Growing up, it became more and more blatant to Wilbur and Tommy that they would never be above Techno. Phil always took his side during arguments, always thought that Techno could do no wrong. Wilbur was fed up. Years and years of being pushed to the side in favor of his twin almost had him at his breaking point. And when Phil broke the news that he and Techno were leaving to start their own Arctic empire, without his two other children, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Wilbur was screaming, begging, pleading for his dad to just pay a little bit of attention to him, and when he realized he would never get it from him, he packed his things, packed Tommy’s things, and together the two forgotten brothers ran as far away from their neglectful father as possible.

     They had been walking for days, taking refuge in small villages here and there, just waiting for their saving grace. Eventually, they found it. The Dream SMP. It was glorious. The ruler of the lands, Dream, had welcomed them with open arms and gave them a place to stay for as long as they wanted to. There, they met a plethora of people, including Fundy, Niki, Eret, George, and many other residents of the SMP. Not too long after they had gotten situated, Tommy met Tubbo. They had instantly clicked, and as an act of friendship, they found two discs that would always symbolize their friendship. 

     But the SMP wasn’t as perfect as it had once seemed. So, the two brothers alongside Tubbo, Fundy, Niki, and Eret had formed a new nation, L’Manburg. It was great! They ran a drug lab to keep the economy going, and even made some business partners. The boys had hardly forgotten about their dad, constantly wondering why they weren’t as important to him as Techno was. They pushed these thoughts to the back of their heads, gaining L’Manburg independence at the forefront of their minds. 

     In preparation for their first war of many to come, Tommy and Wilbur had become almost inseparable. They had built a nation with their own hands, together. And when Tommy offered up one of his lives in return for L’Manburg’s freedom, Wilbur’s heart almost broke on the spot.

     After winning L’Manburg its freedom, (If you could even call it winning), Wilbur felt as if it was unfair that he had just proclaimed himself president. In honor of true democracy, they decided to hold an election. Their party was the only one running, until one day someone from far away named Quackity, accompanied by George, wanted to put democracy to the test and created their own running party to rival Tommy and Wilbur’s, called SWAG2020. Suddenly, everyone seemed to have a burst of confidence after seeing Quackity challenge POG2020. All of the sudden, one running party had turned into four. POG2020, consisting of Tommy and Wilbur, SWAG2020, which included Quackity and George, COCONUT2020, comprised of Niki and Fundy, who had mainly run as a joke. And the last party, SCHLATT2020, a one-man party including someone that had been previously banned from the SMP. 

     So the election went on, and Wilbur never got too worried. He knew his people loved him, and he was confident that he would get their votes. Last minute, in an attempt to skew the votes, SWAG2020 and SCHLATT2020 elected to combine votes. And it worked. Leading SCHLATT2020 to victory with 46% of the vote. Immediately taking the stage, Schlatt was quick to revoke the citizenship of the brothers who had built the country he now ruled.

      The two of them were practically chased out of their L’Manburg, soon to be renamed Manburg. They found themselves in a ravine, both of them panicking and on the verge of tears. Tommy quickly sobered himself up, and declared that they would get their L’Manburg back, they just needed a little bit of help. So while the newly formed country was built in the bottom of a ravine, Tommy proposed the dreaded idea of calling his older brother. Wilbur was hesitant at first, but eventually was the one to give him the call as he knew it was for the best. When Technoblade showed up at the best possible time, they were elated! However, there was just a smidge of hope in the both of them that their father would accompany his favorite son. 

      Day after day, Wilbur was slowly going insane. Every day he wasn’t ruler of L’Manburg, he lost a bit of himself. He eventually had become so far gone, he believed that if he couldn’t have L’Manburg, then nobody could. He proposed his plan of blowing the place to smithereens to Tommy, who was immediately against it. Tommy just wanted his country back. He didn’t want it gone for good. Wilbur was persistent with this plan though, and recruited Dream to supply him with all the TNT he could ever ask for. He was just waiting for the opportunity to arise. And luckily for him, it came in the form of a festival. 

     The days leading up to the festival were some of Wilbur’s worst. He wasn’t himself, and everyone around him knew it. That didn’t stop them from helping him plant the TNT. The day of the festival, Tommy, Wilbur, and Tubbo had a hushed conversation on top of a building not far from the podium. Wilbur was having second thoughts about his plan, so he placed all of the weight on Tubbo. He told him to just say the word and he would detonate the explosives that would destroy the country he once ruled. And when Tubbo did say the line, Wilbur sprinted towards the button room, only to forget where it was. While Wilbur was away, Schlatt had put Tubbo in a cement box, accusing him of treason. With this, he called Technoblade up to the stage, ordering him to execute Tubbo. As he pulled the trigger on his rocket launcher, Techno looked back to his little brother, to see him on top of a building with a devastated look on his face. Techno didn’t seem to feel too guilty. He started slaughtering everyone around him. In the midst of Techno’s massacre, Tommy ran towards Wilbur, and before he could even get a word out, Wilbur was quick to tell him the TNT had been moved. 

     After the festival, a new war was declared. The Manburg v. Pogtopia war. They had finally won, they had gotten their L’Manburg back. As Wilbur stepped up to the mic, he suddenly turned on his heel and beckoned his younger brother and right-hand man to the stage. He handed L’Manburg to Tommy, and exited the stage. Tommy denied rulership of L’Manburg, stating he still had unfinished business to take care of and couldn’t rule L’manburg the way it should’ve been run, and so he handed the presidency to his best friend and partner in crime, Tubbo. While the presidency hot potato was going on, Wilbur was having an internal battle in the button room. He was reading the lyrics to My L’Manburg when he felt a presence behind him. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked over to see his father. His dad. He looked at him with tear-filled eyes, and detonated the TNT. He could feel the blast, feel the heat coming from behind him, washing over him in waves. 

     He looked over to see his dad’s shocked expression, and turned to face the chaos he had brought upon his L’Manburg. Seeing his younger brother’s expression is what finally did it. He took a step closer to Phil. He had seen the glimmering sword on his father’s back, and he knew what needed to happen.

      “Kill me, Dad. Please.”

      Phil couldn’t even look him in the eyes, he knew he had failed his son, and he knew that there was nothing ke could do about it now. So he unsheathed his sword, trying to ignore the feeling of taking away his son’s last life. Standing there, holding his son’s corpse, getting quickly covered in dirt and debris, he knew he had failed as a father. He dropped his son’s limp body to the ground and fled the scene, going back to the place he never should’ve escaped to in the first place. A little while later, his favorite son came home covered in blood, his clothes torn and crown slightly crooked on his head. Techno looked up at his father, only to see him also covered in blood. He quickly glanced over him and determined that it wasn’t his own blood. Before he could even utter the question, his dad shattered his world with one sentence. 

     “It’s Wil’s blood, Techno. He’s gone.”

      Techno swears he blacked out. His twin, his other half, was gone. The one person he should’ve been there for, he wasn’t. And now he was paying the price. Back at what was once L’Manburg, Tommy was lashing out. He didn’t know what to do without his older brother, didn’t know how to cope with the loss. So at first he went to Tubbo, only to realize Tubbo was too busy for him, he had presidential duties to attend to. With a heavy heart, Tommy leaves Tubbo’s office only to bump into someone new in town. Ranboo. Ranboo takes one glance at Tommy and knows he needs someone to talk to. However, Tommy doesn’t want to talk, he wants to wreak havoc on something, anything. He asks Ranboo for some help griefing George’s new vacation home, and Ranboo agrees almost instantly. Together they head to George’s newest property, wrecking the place, and starting a small fire that was completely accidental. It quickly gets out of hand, and before they know it George’s cottage has erupted into flames and suddenly they’re running. They arrive back to the partially rebuilt L’Manburg, and agree to ignore that it had ever happened, both of them happy to at least gained a new friend amidst all the chaos. 

       Meanwhile, Dream stumbles across George’s cottage in flames and immediately starts fuming. He knows exactly who did this, and he knows what he wants to happen to him. He storms into L’Manburg, and starts to silently place obsidian walls around the entire country. Tubbo and his cabinet rush out of the white house as soon as they notice what’s going on. Tubbo questions Dream, only to get a half coherent answer. All he managed to gather was that Tommy fucked up, and he needed to be put on trial for his actions. Once Tubbo finally got a cohesive answer from Dream, he was furious. He asked Tommy to do one thing for him, just one, and he couldn’t even do that. So he and Dream march to find Tommy, all while Fundy and Quackity try to talk Dream out of insisting exile. Tubbo is conflicted. He obviously doesn’t want to exile his best friend, but at the same time, what kind of leader would he be if he let criminals run free and let Dream build the walls?  During Tommy’s trial, Tubbo made the last minute decision to exile Tommy from the nation he once built. Dream forcefully escorted Tommy out of L’Manburg, but not before Tommy could spot the phantom of his favorite brother standing right in front of him. 

     Ghostbur insisted on coming on this “vacation” with Tommy, helping him establish Logsteadshire. Ghostbur didn’t stay long, and he only came to visit every so often. The only person to ever really visit Tommy, was Dream. The green man checked in on Tommy every day, making him put all of his belongings in a pit and blowing them up. The manipulation from Dream mixed with the lack of seeing his friends lead Tommy to the top of this pillar. While he peered down to what could be his doom, he had a sudden realization; Dream wasn’t his friend. He never was. Realizing this had put a pep back into his step, and he took off running, sprinting away from Logsted and never looking back. 

     He eventually came across what he could only assume was his oldest living brother’s home; the place he was abandoned by his father for: the Arctic empire. This was the last place he ever wanted to step foot into, but considering it was dark outside and he had been running for hours, he was just happy to get shelter, no matter where it was. He entered the home, and was immediately hit with the smell of his family. The nostalgia came crashing over him like a bunch of bricks. Taking another look around, he realized he was angry. What was so good about this place anyways? What did this place have that his childhood home didn’t? Was it him, was he what this place didn’t have? Shaking the thoughts from his head, he began rummaging through his brother’s chests. Finding lots of useful materials, and a few just for him, he began looking for a place to burrow for the time being. Settling on the underneath of the house, he got to work making his little hidey-hole. 

     He knew he couldn’t stay hidden forever. He just thought he would have more time than this. As Techno dragged him up the stairs by his ear, he profusely apologized. This was Techno’s first sign. Tommy never apologized. Forcefully sitting him down, he glared at his younger brother. 

     “Gapples. Now.” Techno demanded. 

      He expected a fight. He expected anything but this. As Tommy quickly emptied everything in his pockets all while still muttering apologies, Techno took a good hard look at his little brother. His clothes were torn, his eyebags were darker than Techno had ever seen them, and he looked like he hadn’t eaten in days. Techno decided then and there that he would help Tommy, so long as Tommy helped him.

      And so the brother’s teamed up. They mutually agreed to help each other get what they wanted. Techno agreed to help Tommy get his discs back as long as Tommy helped him commit (minor) terrorism in his old home. They made a plan, and they had it all worked out. Until Tommy came to his senses, and realized just what he agreed to. He backed out of the plans, apologizing to his older brother, moving to stand next to Tubbo. Techno nodded solemnly, and formed an alliance with Dream, Tommy’s number one tormentor, right in front of him. Making a quick getaway, Techno and Dream run back to the empire, planning their reign of terror over L’Manburg while Tommy takes on the leadership role and motivates everyone to fight against them tomorrow.

     Doomsday roles around, and Techno’s here earlier than promised. Phil is here too, Tommy realizes. That hurt him more than he’d like to admit. (He likes to tell himself he isn’t too affected by Phil, but even he knows that’s a lie). He looks above him to see a large obsidian grid, for which he isn’t sure what its purpose is.  Surrounding him is his older brother, spawning wither after wither, laughing maniacally as his hound army relentlessly attacks anyone nearby. Next to Techno is his dad. His father, helping his favorite son destroy what he and Wilbur had worked so hard for. He felt like crying. He didn’t think seeing Phil here, helping Techno decimate L’Manburg could hurt any more than being abandoned did. He was wrong. So, very wrong. Knowing that his dad was here, and actively fighting against him gave him the answers he had always known. He was never Phil’s favorite, he never would be. 

     He’s only snapped out of his haze by the sound of agony-filled screams. He looks around this nation, just to see TNT raining from the obsidian grid. Oh. That’s what that's for. He seems surprisingly calm about this.  His main priority is making sure Tubbo is safe, and once he’s assured that he is, he started going after Techno. When he finally catches up to him, he can only seem to think of one thing. Techno isn’t his brother anymore. 

     “Technoblade, for once in your life just listen to me!” Tommy pleads, but it does no good. Techno just laughs in his face, going on and on about how his intentions were clear, how he was against government, and how he knew this was coming. Tommy realizes then that Techno was never in it to help Tommy, he was never on their side. He was only helping them for his own personal gain. 

     “You’re selfish.” Is the only sentence Tommy can form. He can’t even stand to look at the person he used to call family. He runs to find Tubbo, meeting him on top of the obsidian grid. They share a look that says more than words ever could. Tommy starts,

     “We’ve gotta end it, Tubbo. You and me. Just like it’s always been. We have to kill Dream.” He and Tubbo agree. It started with them, and it’s going to end with them.

     Standing there, peering down at the crater that was once his saving grace, Tommy sees Phil and Techno, bouncing around, seemingly guilt free. Locking eyes with his unremorseful father, Tommy decides then that Phil isn’t his dad. He never was. Techno wasn’t his brother, and Phil was never his dad. 

#pls...... feedback #this was orginally just going to be a rant about dadza being a bad dad #oop #i think i blacked out writingthis #i started around 6? its almsot 11 now #this ones for u fruits #sleepy bois inc #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #technoblade #philza #tubbo #dream #theyre brothers your honor #atlas.content

[sugarcomatosed]

i love your stories so much!! and was wondering if you can give some writing tips perhaps? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Breaking this up into sections for you + putting it under a cut cause I went overboard. 😅

General Writing Tips

These work for both academic and creative writing.

Make an outline.

It doesn't have to be a formal one, but having at least a general idea of the scenes you want to include is helpful. If I know my fic is going to be a longer one (like Don't Hesitate was and my current WIP is), I break down the larger story beats i want to hit on a piece of paper or my iPad.

It's good to know what you're planning to do, in a any piece I usually have a single specific scene I want to do and depending on what it is, I might either just do the scene I want to or turn into something longer.

Draft, draft, draft.

I cannot stress the importance of going through and reviewing your work. This is a big part of any sort of writing.

Your first idea isn't always your best idea. As you work on a piece you might find your original idea is holding you back, focus shifts! Don't be afraid to let your work change as you go. It's not always easy to let go of your original idea but if you find it's not working, you have to let it change. Sections will need to be rewritten, things have to be readjusted to fit with later sections. Reread for clarity while you're drafting and look to see if this makes sense to you, or reads well to you. If you can't follow it and you wrote it, chances are your reader can't either. Did you use the same phrase again and again? Find and search it on your doc to double check.

Sometimes you have to cut things you really like because they just don't contribute to the fic anymore. Save those bits and use them somewhere else!In a lot of my longer pieces I will write a paragraph, realize that's not where it should go and cut/paste it into another part of the doc because the pacing/scene doesn't make sense where I had it originally, but it works somewhere else.

If you're stuck, skip around, come back and then stitch the bits you have written together.

Don't Focus on a Word Count

This might be controversial, but I'm of the opinion just because something is longer does not make it better. Some works are short, and that's okay! I very rarely try to aim for a specific count of words unless it's for a prompt exchange or a personal challenge. I write till I feel the piece is done. Some stories require more words, some require less.

Don't Hesitate is a great example of this again, because all I wanted to do was a bittersweet first kiss fic, but jumping write into the kiss wouldn't get the full effect I wanted. Meanwhile, with Old Habits all I wanted to do was write dumb comedic kisses, we didn't need a 2k preamble.

Get Someone You Trust to Edit

My go to editor for the past six years or so is one of my good friends. She has edited everything from college papers to my fics for me before I post them to read for clarity, find any funky phrases or misspelled words I missed, and I do the same for her when she asks! A fresh set of eyes makes a world of a difference. Find someone to trade fics with or ask a friend! They might have good suggestions you never thought of, or be able to tell what you were going for when you don't even know yourself.

I also rely on my friends a lot to brainstorm and talk my ideas out before I start because it helps me think and figure out what I need. It's super common for me to text someone and say "im gonna spitball at you, that okay?" and then spend twenty minutes chatting through my ideas.

Have Reference Material

For my 13sar fics, I regularly go back and review/screenshot videos of the dialogue to make sure I am staying consistent with story events, character nuance and small details. You don't have to go crazy, but it is really helpful to have your source material to go back to and check yourself against. In non creative writing I always had a pile of papers highlighted with my own notes on the margins.

Take Breaks/Pace Yourself

Know your own limits, and if you are working and working on something and it's not coming out leave it alone and come back to it. I'm really bad at this personally because when I get an idea in my head I want to see it through but sometimes you gotta step back! It's not healthy to keep working on things and overwork yourself. Stretch, get up go for a walk.

Write What You Want to Write

Don't focus on what people want to read. Focus on what you like. Find a topic, a scene, anything that you are passionate about and the rest will follow. The only time I write fic for other people is when I am writing for a friend. Even prompt requests I only take open ended ones, if I am not interested in writing it it's not gonna happen. I know it's super hard and I get really anxious sometimes about letting people down now, or worrying people won't like something but then I step back and remind myself this is a hobby and I'm doing it for fun.

Play to Your Strengths

You shouldn't try to write like me, you should try to write like yourself. Find what skills you have and use them to your advantage!

I can't give you a step by step list to write like me, because nobody in the world has my background! We're all unique. Everything I've listed so far I know because I'm not a beginner anymore! I'm in my twenties and have come from a strong academic writing background.

I took on an intensive course load in high school, and then went onto college for a sociology degree. I very rarely had test based finals and at the end of each semester would have five 10-15 page papers to submit. Straight up some of my skills come from having read and studied the works of anthropologist Clifford Geertz. I am not saying you should read anthropology/sociology texts. Unless you like that sort of thing lol

I also have 6+ years of theater experience (acting & directing), I use this all the time for my writing. When I think about a scene, I think about how I would work through it as an actor, how the character would move, and how would things read to an audience. The GOTE ("Goal, Obstacle, Tactics, and Expectation") method of acting by Robert Cohen is really useful hear if you want a more technical breakdown of what I mean by that.

This leads to a lot of what we called "business" in acting, doing small tiny things while you talk or move around on stage to give the sense you're a real human. I don't have to think or try on these sort of things because they're in my skill set already!

Things I do Personally

As in, these are not transferable skills this is just the stuff I do while working on projects.

Find a Vibe™️

I come into any fic with usually a goal I want to hit, a line of dialogue or something I want to capture. Just like, the general idea of a feeling a song even if the lyrics don't match up. Make a mood-board, a playlist, just find something you wanna do. It's less about the actual words on the page and what you're aiming to do.

Look to things that inspire you

Don't Hesitate got written because I wanted to write a fic that captured the same vibe as a scene in Macross Frontier, where two characters have a bittersweet kiss before the final battle and that scene still has me fucked up six years after watching it.

My current WIP is doing the same thing but with the song All I've Ever Known from Hadestown. Two characters working through loneliness, the sudden feeling of falling in love and the frustration that feeling can bring on sometime.

I don't plagiarize them word for word, but these are scenes that inspire me! I also patchwork quilt ideas together. Using Don't Hesitate again, I also ended up pulling from a bunch of shoujo anime, Toradora, Sailor Moon, Yona of the Dawn, Princess Tutu...specific scenes I enjoy to blend and create something new.

Goof Off While You Write

I name my documents stupid things, I write dumb placeholder dialogue or vague sentiments like "insert better word here", I make memes when I'm struggling and roast myself and my predictable tastes.

I spent twenty minutes texting a friend Juro's name with different letters spelt out and then the "fuck your chickenstrips" vine saying it was Juro during destruction. Just have fun with it!

Listen to J-POP On Loop for Hours at a Time

i am not kidding I do this all the time. Perfume, AKB48, anime idol osts, Sailor Moon's OPs/ED, vocaloid songs. I like technopop and Japanese is good because it usually doesn't distract my brain since I only know random phrases, but still know what the meaning og the song is.

I love music, it helps me vibe out.

Thank you so much for enjoying my work ;o;

I hope this is useful to you in some way! I'm so sorry it's so long winded but I am overly thorough and love to teach people ;w;

#sugar speaks #sugar writes #okay to reblog

[moonlightchild-otome]

Ikemen Vampire - Jean d’Arc Route Summary Chapter 4

here is the fourth chapter!

to clarify again, I’m not very good at japanese so if anything is wrong or weirdly translated everything is on me.

of course there is going to be some spoilers so do not read if you don’t wish to know jean’s story yet.

Mozart shows the protagonist, who is concerned about Jean, his room.

He is a friend of Jean.

The two walk down the hallway. In the middle of nowhere, Mozart tells the protagonist that she has a bite mark on her neck... 

He was playing the piano that night when he heard the Count and Jean talking.

The protagonist admits to Mozart, who doesn’t expect the pureblood Count to bite so it’s probably Jean. She admits to Mozart that Jean bit her that night.

Mozart says that Jean's blood-sucking impulses are rarer than those of the other residents, and it's hard to believe for him that this could normally happen.

She also says that when she met him that day, he wasn't starving, but he as usual either.

The protagonist asks Mozart if he could try and find what the reason was.

【 Mozart 】 It is arrogant to think that you can represent his feelings just because you are his friend.

He tells her that she should ask him directly or think for herself. 

When they arrive in front of Jean's room, Mozart opens the door, pushes the MC's back and forces her inside.

【 Mozart 】 I don't like it when friends are misunderstood, you should talk to him.

The MC tolds Jean what happened, but he didn't seem to want her inside his room. 

She says that she was a bit forced, but maybe this is the best way.

The protagonist falls down and a shadow falls on him. When she looks up, she sees Jean's figure there. The eyes that look at the protagonist are as blank as they were that night... 

His eyes are like those of a night without light.

At first, the protagonist wants to leave immediately, but then she decides that she will not be able to understand Jean if she doesn’t face him about that night.

Wasn't it obvious, as Napoleon had said, to put the protagonist on her guard? And he did.

(my man really pulled an Arthur huh? 🤦‍♀️)

【 Jean 】 If you want to think of me as a nice person, do as you want.

Then Jean tells her to leave.

Like his room, a cold prison cell with nothing but a bed, Jean's mind is closed up tight.

The MC is sad because Jean has rejected her (again). Mozart hears them as he walks back with his shoulders slumped.

【 Mozart】 So it's all a waste of time.

Mozart was hoping that maybe the MC would make Jean open up a little more. Sebastian, however, can't keep quiet about his worries.

For the sake of the ✨beautiful couple✨, Sebastian has a plan.

Mozart looks at Sebastian like he has some ideas in mind but he wants Mozart to leave it to him.

Mozart looks at him like he's looking at some crazy eccentric...lol.

【 Sebastian 】 Mr. Mozart, if you give up now, that's the end of their story! They're done! 

He’s all alone and excited about something. 

(Sebastian is really something hehe 😂)

Meanwhile...

A single man walks slowly through the chancel, where the moonlight reveals the pattern of the ceiling.

We see the figure of Shakespeare walking through the dark cathedral.

【 Shakespeare 】 Sorry I haven't been around lately, but I'm yours now.

He seems to be talking to someone that he calls “my lord”.

(damn also im soooo jealous that the Japanese server got Vlad’s route as a Christmas present 😩)

Shakespeare called the hero 'impure' when she wandered into the mansions of the great men, fearing that she might get in the way of his plans.

One desires tragedy more than comedy, and there is nothing better than the truth, and one must see many tragedies with one's own eyes and write them down... 

That's why he's working with "my lord", says Shakespeare...

【 ??? 】 So the great men are the best Marionettes you've ever seen, dancing on the stage you've set up for them.

Shakespeare seems to want to get some help from such a mysterious person. Is it to create another tragedy? (think we all know the answer 😐)

The next morning, Sebastian's plan is brought to life! He appoints our MC as Mr. Jean's caretaker! But the protagonist can't accept the job, because she is afraid that Jean will feel uncomfortable with her around all the time. Sebastian tells her that Jean is so careless that if she doesn't take care of him, he won't even take some Blanc and might break down.

She then decides to take the job even though she is worried that Jean will reject her again. When she goes to his room, she is immediately told that it is not necessary. However, the protagonist doesn't want to end up not knowing Jean, so she asks him for an arm-wrestling match.

Mmm, isn't that reckless and stupid...? I mean the protagonist seems to be confident, but Jeanne is a vampire man, right? He's also a soldier, right?

If she loses, she promises not to have anything more to do with Jean.

Unsurprisingly, she keeps losing... (yeah no shit)

But she doesn't give up and challenges him again and again.

He may have a pretty face, but I know that he is a man and a soldier who has made his mark in history.

The sun was begging to set down, and the MC was arm-wrestling for the last time.

The MC then shouted something like “Shooting star! Behind the window!”. When the protagonist said "shooting star", Jean was distracted and she won.

That's cheating! But Jean doesn’t react to it, she's too pure. 🥺

The stunned Jean lets out a sigh of frustration.

The MC now technically won the game and Jean allows her to take care of him. When the protagonist says she won't leave the room until Jean finishes his Blanc, Jeanne gives up and decides to drink it. The protagonist sits leaning against the wall and falls asleep while waiting for him to finish his drink.

When Jean calls out to her, he realises that she is asleep. He looks at her hands, which are red from arm-wrestling. He thinks to himself that she is tough but foolish... It seems that Jean may have changed his impression on our protagonist this time!

【 Jean 】 I'm not such a weak person... I'm sorry.

Now, in this story we technically learn for the first time about the person who gave Shakespeare his strength. Apparently, “that person” had revived other historical figures who served as antagonists in the previous routes. 

【 Shakespeare 】 You have the same power as the Count. 

He seems to have the same power as the Count.... So he's definitely a pureblooded vampire!

So that’s it for chapter 4!

I hope to be more consistent in the future updates 😣...

#ikemen #Ikemen Vampire #ikemen series #ikemen games #ikemen jean #Jean #Jean D'arc #jean's route #jean route #my translation #IkeVamp #ikevamp jean #jean all chapters #ikemen spoilers

[toindeedbe-agod]

how about ‘no’ ‘what do you mean no’ ‘no’ to analyse!

ok this is very late bc i suck at remembering to check notes on this blog but its 4 am n my glasses are off which means theres no bwtter time to overthink neil n todd

so that whole scene is absolutely one of my favorites in the whole movie, its very emotionally charged but theyre still 16-17 year old boys in the 1950s so they r like. evasive yea?

everything in this Three Minute Section, starting with "im going to act! im going to be an actor!" and ending with "im being chased by walt whitman!" (seriously.... this scene has half of my favorite lines) is relating to their desires n opinions and their growing relationship, as well as their place in the world

neil is referring back to like 2 things todd said, im guessing the writers mainly meant it in relation to "'...so butt out.' i can take care of myself just fine, you know."

todd is giving up on himself. he consistently backs down from challenges up until the end of the movie, and encourages neil to be cautious, to think things through (see earlier in this scene, how does 3 minutes of movie affect my life so intensely, where he keeps pointing out the flaws in neils plan to try out bc What If His Dad Finds Out). he also couldnt write a poem he felt happy with, so he gave up, until keating put him into a position where he Couldnt. where he was Forced to act, which plays into the final scene of rebellion at the end of the movie.

but here, neil is saying one thing and meaning two things. 'no, i wont give up on you, i want you to be "stirred up" by keatings words, i want you to feel the same excitement i do' and 'no, you cant take care of yourself, because you wont let yourself experience the rush of all of this secrecy, of doing what you want, of finally being supported in your own interests by an adult'.

in the moment i dont think todd gets this at all. and neil knows he doesnt, hence why hes smiling, thinking hes so clever and this is good, and instead of letting todd think about it for long, he grabs the poem and runs around the room. kind of in a distinctly keating way, yeah? bringing attention to something everyone else knows is good, and not letting yourself wallow in your own sorry emotions abt it bc neil loves mr keating so goddamn much he imitates him, from the actual dead poets society to. god. not the time.

anyways. its a very good scene. showing neils perceived enlightenment, to live for yourself and to raise others up, and todd still backing off, shying away from the spotlight bc hes so hsed to being in his brothers shadow. which can also directly related to neil being on the stage, and todd writing behind the scenes. neil leading the dps meetings, todd probably listening to all his stupid ideas when theyre in their dorm together. yknow?

#HOPE THIS SATISFIES.... I GOT CARRIED AWAY #vin.txt #asks #post: analysis #c: neil perry #c: todd anderson #otp: i can take care of myself #neil perry #todd anderson #anderperry #dead poets society #sintrivngle

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

So I beat Fallout: New Vegas and all the DLC’s

The last time I played FONV was probably almost 10 years ago so a lot of it felt pretty new to me.  But I got to say, this game has not aged well.  Its buggy and I’m lucky if I can play for 45mins without it crashing.  

The one flaw that really stood out to me the most was how many areas were bare of content yet you could tell the game designers had a plan for there.   But thats to be expected for a game that was rushed out in under 12 months.  Its just a shame it never got the deeply needed remastered edition that everyone wants.  But beyond all that Its still a great game with great writing and good characters.  I had fun and im sad its over.

Which leaves us with the DLC.  TBH the only one I would give an A+ to was Dead Money.  The setting was good, the writing was good, the atmosphere was good, the characters were good.  Just A+ all around.

Sadly tho the other 3 never really made it close.   Honest Hearts should have been much bigger with more content.  Frankly you could even convince me that it should have been expanded to make its own game, a sequel to FONV, where we see more of  post-apocalyptic Utah that had gone more savage compared to New Vegas. The best thing about HH was reading about Randall Clark.  

Next on the list is Old World Blues..... Ppl seem to like this one a lot. I feel quite the opposite about it tho.  Like I can understand what game makers were trying to do.  Kooky 50s style mad scientists from old black&white films.  But It just feels out of place compared to how the rest of the game takes itself seriously.  Also you read terminals or get to locations like the little yangtze camp (which imo should have played a much bigger role) and realize how dark it is, but then are immediately taken out of it by the ridiculous brain robot doctors making a dumb announcement over the facility loudspeaker.   Frankly the game consists almost entirely of a bunch of fetch quests (often repeat fetch quests), uninteresting dialog and missed opportunities.  That last one especially kept reminding me FO4. On the side note I did think Muggy was a cool idea.

And last is Lonesome Road.

Nonsensical is the word I would use to describe it.  Just being weirdly dragged along by the weird crazy mutterings of this guy named Ulysses into this unstable environment.  Nothing in particular stood out to me or was rememberable.  The fact that the player is constantly told they can turn around and go back sounded less like a challenge and more like a good idea.  

And that was my take of FO:NV.  While a game that shows its age and still chocked full of bugs its still a great time.  It captures a lot of essences all at once (cowboy western, post-apocalyptic, 50s nostalgia, late stage capitalism, Gambling, frontier life style and so much more.)  all of which is, for the most part, well juggled.    Im glad I played it again and while I would recommend this game there would always be a “But” where I mention all its problems.

#fallout new vegas

[uncloseted]

hello christina, hope you are doing well. i've been feeling extremely bad this past few weeks and i just want advice from someone as smart as you if that's no bother. i'm about to turn 20 in 2 months and i feel like my personality and the way i socialize cannot be changed anymore. i'd like to learn a whole lot of things and adquire new attributes, yet i keep thinking it's too late. (part 1)

(part 2) everyone keeps saying it's not and a very tiny part of myself agrees with them. thing is, i'm stuck in an awful circle where i keep wasting everyday hating myself and not being productive insted of slowly starting to change things and earn knowledge. i do not know where to start or how to stay consistent. christina, is it too late? can i still change bits of myself and the way i interact with others? can i still learn as easily as i did at 15? how can i do that? where do i begin?

No bother at all!  I’m happy to help if I can.  I honestly think it’s never too late to become the person you want to be.  You can decide to completely change you’re life when you’re 40, or 70, or 90, if you want. But especially at 20, it’s definitely not too young.  So many people grow and change a ton in their 20s that I think if anything, it’s still just the start of when you figure out who you want to be.  To me, it sounds like the most important thing for you right now is to set concrete goals that you can work towards.  The two best tools I’ve seen to help set and achieve goals are SMART(ER) goals and WOOP goals.

SMART(ER) goals are ones that are:

Specific (simple, sensible, significant).

If your goal isn’t specific, you won’t be able to focus your efforts or feel motivated to achieve it.

Try to answer: what do I want to accomplish? Why is this goal important? Who is involved? Where is it located? Which resources or limits are involved?

An example of this might be, “I want to socialize with new people more when I’m at school because friendships are important in order for me to feel fulfilled.”

Measurable (meaningful, motivating).

Having measurable goals is important because it allows you to track your progress and stay motivated by seeing how far you’ve come.

A measurable goal should be one that answers “how much”, “how many” and “how will I know when it’s accomplished”?

Going off of the example above, an example of a measurable goal might be “I will talk to three new people every day for the next week”. 

Achievable (agreed, attainable).

Your goal needs to be realistic in order for you to stay motivated and be successful.  If you’re aiming too high, you’ll become demotivated quickly because it doesn’t feel like you’re making progress. 

An achievable goal requires you to ask “how can I accomplish this goal” and “how realistic is this goal based on other constraints?”

An example might be, “I experience social anxiety so I can only get myself to talk to one new person a day” or “the only time I can really talk to new people is between classes, which limits the amount of time I can talk to them and how many people I can talk to.”

Relevant (reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based).

Relevant goals are ones that matter to you.  Make sure that these goals are ones that are important to you, not ones that you think you should be pursuing.

A relevant goal is one that can answer “yes” to the following questions: “does this seem worthwhile?”, “is this the right time?”, “does this match my other efforts/needs?”, “is it applicable in my current socio-economic environment?”

Time bound (time-based, time limited, time/cost limited, timely, time-sensitive).

Every goal needs a target date so that you have a deadline you can focus on and work toward.

A time sensitive goal is one that answers “when?”, “what can I do six months from now?”, “what can I do six weeks from now?”, and “what can I do today?”

An example of this might be, “today I can talk to one new person.  Six weeks from now I can talk to two new people every day.  Six months from now I will have made five new friends who I talk to on a weekly basis.”

Evaluate

Every day, evaluate how you’re doing on your goals.  Long term goals can be easily ignored if they’re not evaluated every day, and if you don’t evaluate how you’re doing on your goals regularly, you might miss the things that are preventing you from achieving them.

An example might be, “how many people have I talked to today?” In the event that you’re not meeting your goals, you can ask, “why didn’t I reach my goal? What’s preventing me form being successful?” It’s important not to judge yourself in this stage- if you’re not achieving your goals, it just means that you need to readjust them.  If you’ve met your goal, you can ask yourself, “how can I push myself more tomorrow?”

Readjust

If you find that your approach isn’t working, you may need to readjust your goals.  Maybe the goal isn’t as relevant to you as you thought it would be, or it’s not as realistic as you expected, or your timeline is too short.  Identify which part of your SMARTER goal is tripping you up and readjust it.

For example, a readjust might be, “I’m not being exposed to new people as much as I thought I would be.  I need to find a new place to meet new people in order to achieve my goal.”

WOOP goals are similar to SMARTER goals, and I think it can be helpful to use them together.  WOOP stands for:

Wish: Identify a wish that is challenging, yet attainable 

An example of a wish might be, “I want to make five new friends”. This wish should be SMART.

Outcome: Imagine the best outcome as a result of your wish (as vividly as possible)

An example of an outcome might be, “I spend time with my friends every week and get invited to Skins parties” (or whatever).

Obstacle: Identify and imagine what obstacle will get in the way of your wish.

An example of an obstacle might be “I’m socially anxious when I talk to new people” or “I’m not in a situation where I meet new people very frequently.”

Plan: Create an if-then plan to overcome the obstacle

An example of a plan might be, “if I feel socially anxious, I’m going to pretend that this person and I have known each other since we were kids and that they already like me,” or “I’m gong to volunteer with a food delivery organization so that I can meet new people more frequently”. 

It won’t necessarily be a linear journey, so cut yourself some slack.  Some days, you’ll probably feel unproductive, but the important thing is that most days you’re making progress.  I would make sure to start with small goals and work your way to bigger ones.

[wexhappyxfew]

I hope I’m not too late for trivia Tuesday (I’m a mess lol) but I was wondering how did you choose the agent names for the flip children? What is the hardest emotion to write for and why? And also I’d love some Natia and Toye content please 👀👀👀 I hope that’s not too many questions 😂

ANGE HELLO! and omg you are never too late 🥺 i just got back from work and had time to answer this LOL so thank you though and these questions? CHEFS KISS 😘 i’m hype to answer them!! :)

AND I LOVE HOW U CALLED THEM THE FLIP CHILDREN AHHHH u know i love that name for this chaotic trio 🥺

Agent Names

Natia Filipski’s agent name is Agent Fidel, and ‘fidel’ in latin means ‘faithful’ and you’ll slowly learn that Natia is not in fact always faithful per say, sorta she keeps you more on the edge of your seat than anything and so that doesn’t make her faithful exactly. I LIVE FOR THE IRONY

Klimeck Filipski’s agent name is Agent Valhallah, and Valhalla is actually (in Norse mythology) a majestic and enourmous hall located in Asgard, ruled by Odin, where chosen by Odin, half will go to Valhalla, while the other half will go to Fólkvangr. I chose to add an ‘h’ on the end as well :) but Valhallah simply because Klimeck in all honestly, is very much like Natia and believes if she were to die, she should die valiantly and in battle for her country and that she’ll ascend above. It has even more meaning throughout the context of the story but that won’t be revealed yet ;)

Ryzshard Filipski’s agent name is Agent Legio, and Legio comes from the fact that Julius Caser’s favorite legion was Legio X Equestris, simply because The Tenth was the first legion really favored by Caesar and was consistently his most trusted, and in many cases this reflects to Ryzshard since he is one of the most trusted to obtain information in secret from the Nazis.

Emotions

The hardest emotion for me to write has been and will continue to be that numb feeling of having virtually no emotions which is very much Natia - and then the ability to really break from that numbness. I just want to get it right, and make it truthful to how someone would react to finally feeling emotions again after blocking them out for 5 years. I’m really just going to have to work at it, but I like the challenge and with Natia’s character it makes me siked up to really portray how the numbness contributes to her recklessness and almost a want for death - but now I shall say no more 😉

Natia Filipski and Joe Toye

So, without spoiling and in short, Natia and Joe’s connection of a sort, is going to be one where when finally see Natia challenged in a sense. Challenged in her emotional and mental sense. Joe Toye for me has always been a character who, like Bill, wants what’s best for the company, even if he can get hyped up and angry and firm in many senses. From what I’ve read about him, and just him as a person, he was someone who deeply cared for everyone in the company, so when Natia enters the company (as someone who doesn’t know what the feeling of having people who are willing to risk their lives for you) we really see Joe make an attempt at it, but ultimately there’s issues because Natia doesn’t know how to handle the emotions and feelings of being cared for after years of recklessly getting by with the war. And this leads to disagreements, and fights, and Natia taking out her anger really on the company even though she knows they did nothing wrong. Which takes time for her to realize.

They’re not necessarily friends, enemies, or people at opposing ends, they’re simply two people who have gone through this war, doing different things and finally clashing (and possibly going through a few stages above) but I’m really trying to show with them how Natia has been so numb and so alone for 5 years, that she doesn’t know how to react to actually being comforted? Loved? Appreciated?

BUT I CANT GO ANY FURTHER AND IM SORRY AHHHH this is such a vague answer but i cant spoil much more of their unique connection together :)))

thank you sm for the ask ange and i hope these answered your questions! LITERALLY SUCH INTERESTING QUESTIONS TOO AHHHH!! i loved them and once we get more into the book when the times comes, i may be able to elaborate further :)) THANK YOU!! and i hope you have a wonderful day or night <3

#thank you ange!! #trivia tuesday!! #agent names #emotions #natia and joe toye #band of brothers #landslide

[citialiin]

ZIGGY ✰ STARDUST

i jacked this from @cardinalrot​. thank you dad. tagging: @gothsic​ ; @blossomingbeelzebug​ ; @betelguide​ ; @thatcertainnight​ ; @prophesyed​ ; you, specifically, reading this.

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

FULL NAME.     [ redacted ] * NICKNAME.     ziggy  GENDER.     agender (he/him or they/them) / typically presents as a “man” for simplicity’s sake and also because he doesn’t care enough to think about it for more than 4 seconds HEIGHT.     5′10″ AGE.     26 (earth years) ZODIAC.     ??? (he wasn’t born under our stars ... so .......) SPOKEN LANGUAGES.     any/all (he doesn’t really know them, though, he uses an internal translator)

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

HAIR COLOR.     bright red, seemingly unnatural -- but it’s natural EYE COLOR.     left pale blue, right black SKIN TONE.     very, very, very pale BODY TYPE.     skinny. very skinny/slender/svelte.  willowy and tall and bony.  good for looking waifish on magazine covers but bad for lifting even vaguely heavy objects. VOICE.     posh, nasally, low, the slightest bit condescending.  speaks with an english accent despite not being english, let alone human.  drawls his vowels and enunciates his letters.  his voice is strangely clear and bright when he sings, unlike his somewhat unpleasant speaking tone, and he tends to sing in higher pitches than his speaking voice. DOMINANT HAND.     ambidextrous -- but he can only play the guitar left handed POSTURE.     very straight and proper, holds his head high and his shoulders square.  uncertain if it’s height alone or if he really is looking down upon you.   SCARS.     small incision in the back of his neck where the translator was placed. barely there and usually covered by a collar or his hair, anyways. TATTOOS.      none BIRTHMARKS.     a large yellow disc on his forehead, rimmed with a slightly darker yellow/bronze with the slightest hint of a chromatic shift affect due to reflecting/light catching pigment in skin cells.  this isn’t unique to him, however, as every member of his race has it. has the tiniest hint of a freckle above his lip, on the left side, and he hates it and wishes he could nuke it off his face.  both of these are usually covered, anyways. MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S).     the circular mark, his unusual eyes, his sharp features, his bright hair. everything about him is weird and outlandish and strange, but it helps him maintain a striking, marketable image.  

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝

PLACE OF BIRTH.     far away.  HOMETOWN.    faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away. SIBLINGS.    [ grabs the steering wheel and veers straight into worldbuilding headcanon territory ] the society he comes from is no longer sexually dimorphic and typically doesn’t reproduce the natural way.  having evolved far beyond such icky things, they use genetic samples from large swaths of the population to make consistent batches of new individuals -- the genetic samples are screened for defects and aberrations and sort of tossed together into a genome salad, and out comes however many individuals they need to fill in gaps in the population.  there’s a lot of consistency in his species due to this: everyone has reddish hair, everyone has heterochromia, everyone is about the same height, etc.  so technically, he’s related to everyone in his “batch.” PARENTS.   he wouldn’t ever know -- a lot of people, probably

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

OCCUPATION.    rockstar -- cultural icon -- celebrity -- musician -- singer -- model -- jerk CURRENT RESIDENCE.    london, LA, NYC, but he’s constantly moving and tours quite often CLOSE FRIENDS.    few and far in between -- he’s friends with his drummer who is named priscilla but usually goes by the stage name WEIRD, as well as siddharth, his bassist, who goes by sid in his personal life but GILLY on stage.  they were the first two humans to encounter him and taught him everything he knows, from how to tie his shoes (aliens wear boots, and you should know this) to the C major scale -- because they are among the few humans who know his secret, he views them as his closest and dearest friends.  his stardom isolates him from them, just a little -- he likes the spotlight but they don’t mind just being “the drummer” and “the bassist.”  they don’t quite have the star power that he does.  his manager  -- tama ahinariki, some guy from new zealand who seemed to bumble his way into becoming in charge of one of the most successful musicians of the decade -- also knows he’s an alien, but they tend to be more business partners than close friends.  tama is more interested in the money side of things whereas priscilla and sid are only interested in the music.  ziggy has stock in the music, money, and his personal brand.  

via rp, he’s made some friends with other characters! a few. very few.  RELATIONSHIP STATUS.    single -- he intends to stay that way.  he gets all the action he could ever need from his legion of devoted fans and groupies.  even in situations where he’s romantically involved and emotionally invested, he would never consider himself exclusive or monogamous.   a lot of tabloids make rumors that he’s involved with cardinal copia, fellow rock icon, but he tends to be sneaky at hiding any time they spent together.  it’s hard to keep things private when you’re both massively popular public figures, though. he goes out of his way to be sure no one knows about his predilection for spending time with thomas, because the last thing an awkward alien in disguise needs is a lot of public attention because people think you’re dating a celebrity (who they don’t know is also an alien). he hangs around annie a lot, too, but this is extra extra under wraps, because annie has a stalker named jonathan who may or may not go apeshit and try to tear his head off or something if he finds out.   FINANCIAL STATUS.    filthy rich. should be guillotined.   DRIVER’S LICENSE.    doesn’t have one. he has some paperwork, somewhere, with a “real” name and all that, but he has no idea where it is and lets his manager deal with that stuff. CRIMINAL RECORD.    none ! clean slate.  that doesn’t mean he doesn’t do illegal things, though.  he just doesn’t get caught.   VICES.    smoking, drinking, la cocaina, sex, impulsive spendng, rockstar stuff.  

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

SEXUAL ORIENTATION.   bisexual. PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE.     submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  | top |  bottom | verse. this doesn’t really come up in rp because i dont write nsfw. the way i view it is that he’s lazy and would rather you take care of him than the other way around LIBIDO.    pretty high, but it’s difficult for him to have as much sex as he might prefer because, uh, he has, uh, alien..............parts...........and stuff ..... like ....... some parts down there look different ....... so he’s stuck having sex with usually in the dark, under sheets, and he has to zip his pants up really quick afterwards. maybe it’s a little bit hilarious and i just think it’s funny idk LOVE LANGUAGE.    selflessness (which is big, for him, king of all douchebags and lord selfish dickhead the third), rambling to you about his day, physical affection, gifts, letting you see him without make up, opening up to you about his life before earth.  he might play you music, sing to you or write you songs if he’s feeling particularly sappy.  this is stuff reserved for people that he finds himself incredibly romantically/emotionally attached to, though, not the people he has one night stands with.  and he almost never forms any sort of lasting attachment to the people he sleeps with casually. RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.    he tends to fall for people who challenge him in some way, who aren’t easily beguiled by his status and physical looks, but who aren’t outright mean to him.  that being said, he is very vain, and he loves being showered in compliments, praise or attention.  he matches well with people who can put up with his antics and moodiness and odd behavior.  he likes the idea of being someone’s muse or someone’s idol, so he finds himself drawn to other creative types.  he has the most intimate/special connections with other nonhuman beings, especially other aliens, cuz he feels like they Get him and he wouldn’t be really giving himself in his fullest form if he had to still play pretend that he was a human being.  for whatever reason he goes apeshit for goth guys/dudes with black hair who wear a lot of black.  he really doesn’t like people who are too much like him, because HE’S HIM, and you’re YOU, and he really wants it to stay that way.  GET OUT OF MY DRESSING ROOM

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG.   there’s a whole album about him .......... theres a song called “ziggy stardust” .......  HOBBIES TO PASS TIME.    singing, music, writing -- he lives for that shid.  he likes art in all forms, so he reads, watches movies, looks at paintings -- he has a lot of human culture to catch up on, and he loves all of it, from any time period and any culture.  he also likes buying things, shopping, looking nice, gossip.  he tends to be a party animal (party alien?) and often indulges in more hedonistic fun. LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED.    his brain is not structured like a human brain. also, head empty.  no thoughts. FEARS.    being perceived as ugly or untalented, being outed as an alien, being rejected for being an alien, becoming a nobody, losing his social status, becoming a conformist, becoming “outdated” or “uncool” SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL.    somehow sky high and on the floor at the same time. he usually thinks he can do anything and he’s pretty perfect, but that may just be from a solid few years of repeating that to himself and empty praise given by people who are just crazy obsessed with him -- he built his confidence level on a very shaky foundation, so it’s easy to start making him doubt himself and panic if you know what to criticize him on VULNERABILITIES.    a lot of things, and im sick of typing

* pay me 100000 USD to unlock my LEVEL 20 ZIGGY STARDUST LORE pack now with NAMING/TITLE INFORMATION, HOME PLANET CLIMATE/WEATHER PATTERNS and PAST OCCUPATION/EDUCATION information.  includes a piece of gum i found on the floor.

#ooc #meme #I'm so close 2 being done with finals just like one more week i turn in terrible project after terrible project #i am typing this as i wait for a group member to send me the first five pages of our cumulative 10 page essay. i hate him. i hate him. #why is he taking so long. i need to write this thing. #but after that i will go back to what i need to do ... #i run this account like a shitty ship careening into rocks #but i will go down with it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #KEEP YOUR 'LECTRIC EYE ON ME ; queue

[letsdiscoverkitty]

CPA update (30th August 2019)

I did not plan to write this this evening but I needed to get this out somewhere.

I know I haven’t been very present online and I can only apologise for that but as you can imagine things have been quite challenging since being admitted. I had my first CPA so I thought I would make a little post to help me begin to process it/get some thoughts down....(warning: very long post ahead, snacks may be necessary, and I am sorry if it does not read well/make much sense, I literally just typed my heart out)

For those who are not sure of what one is, a CPA is basically a care plan review where your treatment team review the past few weeks/months (time since the last review) and then start to plan the next stages of your care. It is a chance for different members of your treatment to meet and make sure that everyone is on the same page. Today my CPA consisted of my consultant, one of the nursing staff from the ward, the OP ED nurse I was seeing before I came in, myself and my parents. The first half of the review was just between professionals, I was then called into the room for a discussion followed by my parents nearer the end.

It is hard to remember what I have shared online so I am sorry if some of the things I mention do not make sense but I will try to cover most of what happened. I had my ward round on Thursday (due to the bank holiday weekend just gone), in which a lot of new ideas were brought to the table as, well, no one really knows what to do with me… A week or so ago I wrote a letter to my consultant as I was beginning to worry about what the plan was for when I was discharged (as it was being implied that I was to be discharged over the next few weeks)/that my community team were not replying to any messages and that I was concerned about going back home to live at my parents house.

My main worries with returning home were mainly because it is a place where I have been unwell for many years and I find that when I go back there it is almost like anorexia snaps back without me realising it/I can’t control it. Sadly due to being unwell at home for years, I do associate home with bad things, I also do not currently have no goals or things to be working towards (i.e. I have no education to go back to, no job lined up or thought about to go back to) and the worry is that I would be going back home to just anorexia and relapsing backwards. Throw into the mix that my mum retired last week, as well as the family dynamics always being quite rocky (along with being geographically being incredibly socially isolated), I think it is fair to say that I was extremely worried about the prospect of home leave let alone moving back home permanently and with very limited outpatient support.

A long story short, my consultant agrees that going back home is likely not going to help me move on/recover/give me a chance of living a life beyond this, however she also does not believe that staying in an acute EDU will help (which I do understand). In terms of why she thinks that being on the unit for longer might not help include that my weight has not been reaching the targets that are expected, I am struggling on leave/when I get given more control, as well as the usual pitfalls of being on an EDU like being trapped around a lot of other acutely unwell people, having the identity reinforced and the lack of responsibility/it not necessarily coming from me. I floated the idea of going to live in Reading with Andi however she shot me down straight away at that stage saying that I was far too unwell for that…

Anyway, to get to the point, she wants to apply for funding for me to go into residential treatment. This is not something that I know much about, although I do know that getting funding for a place is very very hard and that there are very few places that offer it in the country….from what she explained to me it is a more holistic approach, with the focus on helping you build a life beyond anorexia whilst also supporting you nutritionally. (it sounds far too fairytale-esque for my liking…)She said that as I have had a lot of psychological input and have been under services with very few gaps over the years, that it was obvious that a new approach was needed and that this style might be that. Apparently I have incredible insight/understanding however because the anorexic neural pathways/cognitions have become so strong and rigid, I find it near impossible to force myself to follow through with the theory that I know so well.

I honestly have no idea how I feel right now. I am utterly lost and confused and don’t really know what to do with myself. I feel like no one knows what to do with me/what will help and they are just trying to get rid of me. I want to recover, I really do.  My consultant said that it is not that I don’t want to or don’t have motivation, but that it is the degree of severity of the illness and the complexity of my case, which kind of helped but also left me feeling very broken and hopeless.

She tried to explain all of this to my parents today and I am actually relieved that she was able to speak to them about it as there is no way that I would have been able to approach the subject. She explained it in scientific terms and tried to be realistic about the whole process (which could likely take months to apply for funding, let alone get on the waiting list/pass assessments).

My OP team are apparently supportive of this and are going to work together with the IP team, my consultant and the therapist I was seeing as an OP to put together a proposal for the CCG. Sadly, as I have mentioned this is going to be quite a lengthy process and I don’t really know where it leaves me…If this were not being explored then I would be getting discharged to the same very minimal support that I have had over the past x years, which has not been enough in the past.

So what now? Good question. Basically I have been told that I have to “prove” to the CCG that I am not just in need of an acute EDU admission and that the funding would not be going to waste…this means that I have to show that I can maintain my weight in the community (or gain if possible) as if I were to relapse they would likely just say that I need an acute admission and refuse the funding, leaving me back at square one.

This admission was never going to be a long one, I knew that, but part of me was hoping for a bit longer…I suppose it has brought to the surface the necessity for a different approach to be explored, which I hope means something. Basically my admission can’t be extended, that has been made clear, and I now have a discharge date for two weeks time…with little to no idea of time length beyond that in regards to this talk of residential.

I honestly don’t know what to think or how to feel right now, I really don’t. Part of me thinks that they are making a big fuss over nothing and that there is no way that I will get funding as there are so many people out there with far worse scenarios than mine who need it more. At least I have a home to go to, I know there are many people who dont, so I should really just suck it up and try and do what I can at home with the support that I have.

I have no idea what the residential would entail practically but I am worried that it could end up feeding into my eating disorder even more? I know the reason for the admission would be to help me build a life beyond anorexia, but surely being stuck in a place like that almost reinforces that identity? I dont know, I am very confused about everything right now :(

Short term plan: I have an appointment set up with the ED nurse I am to see in the community for Monday morning and have been given a bit of extra leave this weekend to make it possible for me to attend. When I return to the ward on Monday afternoon I will be moving onto transition and have been promised that I will have a number of appointments with the dietitian over my last two weeks in order to create a realistic maintenance plan for when I go home (as well as trying to get my mum to attend an appointment with the two of us). I am also trying to get an appointment for my mum to come to a family therapy session (they have pretty much written off my dad as someone who can be supportive for a number of reasons which I do not want to go into right now) Being on transition hopefully will give me a bit of an opportunity to self-cater some meals and practice before I move back home for the foreseeable future.

It all feels very rushed and uncertain and I was not expecting to get this much leave this weekend so don’t really know what to do with myself but yeah I suppose this is where things are at. The ward has been quite a tricky environment so on the one hand I am glad to have some space, however Im also worried about it too.

I am sorry, I realise that this whole post probably comes across as extremely selfish and stupid - I wish I could shake myself/pull myself together and just do what I know I need to do but whywhywhy do I keep ending up back in the same place time and time again? I have tried so bloody hard over the past x years but it has never been enough….I do not want to end up being sent to a unit where I will spend months/my consultant briefly mentioned that admissions are usually between 1 and 2 years long…I really dont. but I dont know what else to do with myself when so many options have been explored. I am tired of it all, of everything. It is like I dont know where to turn anymore. Part of me feels like I am just getting palmed off from place to the next because no body knows what to do with me. sigh. I am sorry for throwing this pity party. I wish I had some more positive news to share with you all. I suppose yes I have made some progress since I was admitted. I have gained weight. I am no longer in as much danger as I was. I have had to face a lot of changes in terms of routines, eating different foods, times, I can think a little clearer, I have more concentration etc. Things are just very hard at the moment and having everything in terms of my treatment thrown up in the air like this has made me feel even more unsettled and uncertain about everything. I have no idea what the next few weeks/months may hold so for now I am going to have to continue to take each day as it comes and see where it takes me. Sorry again for the ridiculous  length of this post, you genuinely deserve a gold medal if you have stuck with me through this.

#personal #tw #tw just in case #long post #I am sorry for being so rubbish and not updating or posting much #things havent been very good #and I am struggling more than I care to admit #thank you for sticking by me though #you have no idea how much it means to me #sorry if this does not make sense

[juttabluehberger]

Der "liebe" Asphalt

Das ist so eine Sache mit dem Asphalt. Laut Reiseführer ist der Asphaltanteil der meisten Etappen über 60%. Das ist nicht so toll. Denn es ist der Asphalt in Kombination mit dem Gewicht des Rucksacks, der meine Schmerzen auf den Sohlen verursacht. Eben das was man Sohlenbrand nennt.

Am Vormittag macht mir der Asphalt oft weniger Mühe, aber spätestens am Nachmittag suche ich so oft wie möglich nicht auf sondern neben dem harten Asphalt zu gehen. Da nutze ich jede noch so kurze Strecke mit weicherer Unterlage wie Kies, Erde oder Wiese am Straßenrand, die meine schmerzenden Füße schonen.

Glücklicherweise führt der Jakobsweg wenn immer möglich über einen Weg, der nicht direkt an der Hauptstraße verläuft. Immer wieder geht es durch den Wald. Die Strecken durch den Wald sind aber meistens mit viel Steigung verbunden. Zuerst bergauf, dann begab. Dann muss ich entsprechend langsamer gehen. Aber das lohnt sich.

Am Samstag gab es zwei Steigungen die es wirklich in sich hatten. Die erste hinten dem Haus vom Bergdoktor (DEM Bergdoktor) ging noch und der Weg führte über eine Weide.

Die zweite hatte ich zuerst verpasst und musste zurückgehen. Sie begann hinter der Talstation der Seilbahn und führte dann im Zickzack eine fast senkrechte Böschung hinauf. Das hatte es in sich! Aber danach verlief sie wieder durch eine wunderschöne Gegend abseits vom Straßenlärm.

Natürlich brauchen diese Strecken abseits auch mehr Zeit und Kilometer als wenn man neben der Hauptstraße geht. Das vergesse ich manchmal, wenn ich versuche die noch benötigte Zeit zu berechnen.

Aber es gibt auch Situationen, wo mir der Asphalt lieber wäre:

Seit Ende letzter Woche wurde immer für den nächsten Tag Regen angesagt. Der jedoch dann meist ausblieb. Darüber war ich natürlich nicht böse. So konnte ich die ersten fünf Tage bis auf ein wenig Nieseln im Trockenen wandern.

Für Sonntag schien es unausweichlich, dass es den ganzen Tag regnen wird. Als ich aufwache schien aber die Sonne. Der Vormittag blieb großteils sonnig. Als ich zu Mittag vor einem Restaurant stehen blieb, fielen die ersten Regentropfen. Für mich ein Zeichen, dass ich ins Restaurant gehen soll. Während ich drin war schüttete es aus allen Kübeln. Als es Zeit war, wieder aufzubrechen, schien es fast nicht mehr zu regnen. Es war dann doch gerade so viel, dass ich den Poncho brauchte. Wieder einmal fühlte ich mich von Gott beschenkt und umsorgt.

An dem Nachmittag verlief die Strecke fast nur durch den Wald und mehrmals sehr steil bergauf und bergab. Wie rutschig nasse Nadeln, Laub und Baumwurzeln sein können, habe ich bereits ausprobiert. Und so war ich extrem vorsichtig unterwegs. Da wo der Weg weniger steil verlief, bestand er oft aus schlammigen Lacken, die dann auch sehr rutschig sein können und einen ziemlichen Balanceakt erforderten. In dieser Situation wäre mir der Asphalt ausnahmsweise lieber gewesen.

Trotzdem kam ich am Abend gut im Quartier an. Unbeabsichtigt habe ich an dem Tag die dreißig Kilometer Marke geknackt, da die Strecke am Vormittag 18 km war und die einzige Vermieterin, die abhob als ich anrief, weitere 12 km entfernt war.

***

The "dear" asphalt.

The asphalt is one of those things. According to the guidebook, the asphalt portion of most stages is over 60%. That's not so great. Because it is the asphalt in combination with the weight of the backpack that causes my pain on the soles. Which is called sole burn.

In the morning the asphalt often gives me less trouble, but at the latest in the afternoon I try to walk as often as possible not on but next to the hard asphalt. There I use every ever so short distance with softer underground like gravel, earth or meadow at the roadside, which spare my aching feet.

Fortunately, the Way of St. James leads whenever possible on a path that does not run directly on the main road. Again and again it goes through the forest. The routes through the forest, however, are usually associated with a lot of slope. First uphill, then downhill. Then I have to walk accordingly slower. But it is worth it.

On Saturday there were two climbs that were really hard. The first hill behind the house of the Bergdoktor (THE mountain doctor from TV) was still okay and the path led over a pasture.

The second I had missed at first and had to go back. It started behind the valley station of the cable car and then zigzagged up an almost vertical slope. That was quite a challenge! But after that it ran again through a beautiful area away from the noise of the roads.

Of course, these routes off the beaten path also take more time and miles than walking next to the main road. I sometimes forget that when I try to calculate the time still needed.

But there are also situations where I would prefer the asphalt: Starting at the end of last week, rain was always forecast for the next day. Which, however, then mostly failed to materialize. Of course I was not upset about that. Thus I could hike the first five days except for a little drizzle in the dry.

For Sunday it seemed inevitable that it will rain the whole day. When I woke up, however, the sun was shining. Most of the morning remained sunny. When I stopped in front of a restaurant at noon, the first raindrops fell. For me a sign that I should go into the restaurant. While I was inside, it poured cats and dogs. When it was time to leave again, it seemed to have almost stopped raining. It was then just enough that I needed the poncho. Once again I felt blessed and cared for by God.

That afternoon the route was almost exclusively through the forest and several times very steep uphill and downhill. How slippery wet needles, leaves and tree roots can be, I have already tried. And so I was extremely careful on the way. Where the path was less steep, it often consisted of muddy puddles, which can also be very slippery and require quite a balancing act. In this situation, I would have preferred the asphalt for once.

Nevertheless, I arrived well in the evening in the quarters. Unintentionally, I cracked the thirty-kilometer mark that day, since the route in the morning was 18 km and the only landlady who picked up when I called was another 12 km away.

#jakobsweg #pilgern #viajacobi #camino

[ts-2020-olympics]

Episode 7 - “I wonder why you're not liked” - Nicole (& Ben)

Glad I sat out on that one - really didn't know anything Survivor related. Darcy's score of 12 is a huge shame, but gives me incentive to vote him out. He tried, he flopped, that's how it is. If it's me going this round, GGWP. 

Oh yeah! So, Nicole returned to the game.... Grrreat. It was probably the worst outcome I could have, but honestly, I don't want to dwell on it too long. With Nicole and Jacob both back in the game and Juls out of it, my fate looks worse and worse each day, as my list of allies continues to shorten and my list of enemies only gets longer. I feel very scared for the future, and rather trapped as of now, trapped between millions of possibilities, none of which have me doing very well. But hey, hasn't that been how it's been since Day 1 of this game? I started things off on Sonkei, a tribe so quiet I couldn't tell if I was running the show or on the bottom of everything until like 3 tribal councils in. A tribe where every new enemy I made would come back from the arena with a vengeance, and things only got harder. A tribe where I consistently lost challenges despite putting in my all. Then I got to nuMIraitowa, and my time here has been incredibly hectic. A bumpy road, to say the least. It's been a journey of gaining friends and then losing them, knowing people are lying but not knowing why, and just struggling to find the tiniest crack so I can get off the fucking bottom and just... SURVIVE. It's really been tough out here, and you can see the game starting to wear me down. My insanity is starting to come through in the main chats and honestly I've just lost all patience and tolerance that I had at the beginning of the game, the real me is beginning to show through. The one who lashes out, and desperately tugs at every heartstring possible, and says exactly what he's thinking without giving a fuck who's listening or the repercussions it might have down the line. Who makes everything public. I KNOW that these things are not typically good for my game, and yet, I just find myself so inclined to do them. Even though they've never helped me win anything, I can't help but be true to myself. I don't know, I guess I just feel frustrated. I'm at a place in ORGs where I feel so helpless, like I'm the victim of my own personality. I know exactly what's holding me back but I can't seem to just get past it. I guess I just keep hoping that one of these days, I'll play exactly true to myself, 100% me, and people will like that person enough to want to work with him or be happy to reward him a win. But it hasn't happened yet and I don't know if it can happen here anymore. I'm really struggling to push through. But, if there's one thing I'll never do, it's give up. Even when everything feels like it's caving in and I'm ready to just collapse, like I was saying earlier - no matter how much I want to do something, the real me ALWAYS fights back and does what it wants anyway. And the real me can't give up. Deep down in my core I always fight back, I always stand up for myself, sometimes even when I'm wrong. I just can't stand letting things go, and I know it's a character flaw, but hell, it's also a strength, and it's something I'm proud of, in a weird way. I don't want to be the player who gives in, never reveals anything, or plays it safe. I want to play it my way because if I don't, then how can I enjoy a win? How can I be proud of myself for winning if it wasn't ME that won? I have to win it my way, and sure, right now it looks difficult. VERY difficult. Maybe even impossible. But I'm approaching on the Final 16, and maybe, just maybe, a swap is on the horizon. Maybe new things are coming and maybe this entire game is about to reinvent itself for me. I've got allies in Jordan, Eve, Pete... potential allies in Caeleb, Ben, Sammy, Kevin... Maybe I could fix things with Emma. Honestly, who knows what's ahead. I'm very scared, partly, if that wasn't obvious by this big emotional confessional. But I'm also kind of exhilarated, this is exactly what Survivor is supposed to be and I can't wait for the next stage of the game. These are the Olympics, so it's go big or go home. Let's do this.

Hello again, this is Darcy here reporting with more confessing.  So, for starters, I still have yet to find something at the Olympic Village, which is really nothing new at this point of the game.   Now for the fun parts, my tribe lost Immunity, which not really surprising, since that kind of challenge I felt whoever had gold medal won that challenge.   So, we get to enjoy another tribal, where I am hoping for it to be Ben, since Ben is the one I trust the least, due to hearing about Ben wanting to come for me last round if I lost immunity, assuming that was a true tidbit anyways.   I have a feeling this vote could be between Ben and I, but here's to hoping Ben targets someone else and not me woo!   I do have enough trust in my alliance with Beck, Tommy and Karen though that us four should hopefully stick together to just take out the common enemy in Ben.   Then Ben may come back again with a gold medal, but if he does, I mean good for him.

I'm back, babes! Okay, so regarding my last confessional...I guess maybe I went a little too hard on some people. But, I was angry and validly so. Nothing much has changed even though I'm really good at faking forgiveness. About twenty minutes after I dropped in the FOUR AND A HALF HOUR PRESSURE COOKER, Sammy messages me asking to call!

I'm back babes! So as soon as I got back after the FOUR AND A HALF HOUR ENDURANCE, people were all of the sudden really happy to see me -- which was a LOT different than 24 hours prior! I talked to my best ally Kevin first, of course! I really hope at the end of the game Kevin's confessionals aren't like "oh geez and then I had to talk to Nicole, she's so annoying" bc I will be crushed, as a person he is just so nice and I'm so happy we have been given the opportunity to become friends from this game! So I talk to Kevin, then Caeleb and then...whatta know! Sammy! Right to the rescue, he wants to call after 1) voting me out 2) revoting me out. Now, long story short I made significant peace with Sammy through the phone call BUT something did happen that really did not sit well with me. While we were calling he said he DIDN'T want to apologize because we both did things wrong. Hm. Well, Sammy! Okay! I would have had more respect and less wariness of him moving forward if he did apologize but, he didn't. He kind of said like "ok so i know i lied about the advantages I had in this game and gave you nothing to trust me off of, got mad when you didn't trust me, then decided I was going to vote with Eve to get rid of you, revoted to seal your fate and called you out on a tribal call like 'if anyone wants to apologize now would be the time', but i don't think I NEED to apologize because, we were equally wrong.' Someone please explain to ME how exactly it is that we would be equally wrong when everything I did was to protect myself, and everything he did was because he had other people he could trust over me. Now that Juls is gone and he kind of showed his ass, he's now saying hey haha let's work together again though! I haven't decided if I want to do that, AND now I have a lot more options because people saw how kick ass I could be :) Speaking of the comp, it kind of grinds my gears that coming back in the last few messages before I entered again were Emma and Landen actively rooting against me. Landen, I understand. Emma...who even are you? Why do you hate me? lmao. Okay I may still be a little bit mad. Ben also as I'm typing this messaged me "I wonder why you're not liked", which is like hurtful but accurate. Anyway....I'm making at LEAST f15 now (bc my gold medal) so that's very fun, A+ content. I think we are swapping after this THANK GOD bc I have to get AWAY from this tribe. I hope I get to stay with either Jacob or Kevin, and maybe even get swapped with Jordan Pines or Karen so I can feel some semblance of security. I'll make a confessional about it next round bc :) im back :) hehe

anyway so this ugly ass tribe lost again. The only good thing to happen over the last few days is that nicole is back ugh I wasn’t ready to lose on of my allies skdjfkdjfj anyway so juls is gone and it’s down to me tommy Darcy beck caeleb and Ben, 4/6 of us are in an alliance and then there’s cae and Ben sjdjjddnjd obvs Ben is the choice to vote but also like bc it’s so obvious I’m scared that he’ll know and play an idol /: scares me bc I’m not 100% sure who he’d vote and he’s shown that he’s willing to vote for me at any moment so I’m just debating whether I should throw a vote at caeleb just in case to tie it or if I should let one of my alliance members potentially get voted out. Best case scenario if Ben plays an idol is that he votes for beck bc I don’t trust that hoe at all wkendkdndndn but yeah I haven’t had time to really talk to Ben so it’s prob too late to probe into his plans. Ugh I hope this tribal is quick & painless /: 

hello. confessional #472. i've survived another round so that's fun! i feel rly solid about the bonds i have with people right now so i know a tribe swap is incoming but that's for the best bc i'd rather not vote out anyone on yushu rn… so we'll see! 

Really mad I got voted out, feeling pretty betrayed by my tribe rn. 

I wish em didn't have to get voted out, but I'm pretty confident she'll fight tooth and nail to get back into the running..

Tribal just happened and we voted out Ben again in a unanimous vote. It was an easy vote I think either we are swapping into 3 tribes of 5 at Final 15 or 16, but if it's Final 16 the Gold Medal winner will be exiled. If we don't swap I think Ben will win the Gold and Beck the silver medal so we have a good chance of winning immunity incase there's another round before we swap. I'm really just trying to maintain get close to Caeleb because he's probably still skeptical about the whole Juls vote which I'm happy she's out because she's a threat but on the other hand she was so sweet it was sad she had to leave early. At this point I'm trying to maintain good relationships going into a swap and hope I get a good tribe that's strong and will leave me in the majority going into the merge. Also, at this point once Emma or Ben is officially voted out we'll be down to 9 returnees and 7 newbies so I really don't care if some of these returnees start hitting the road and going home. It's gonna come down to who wants to take me to the end and that's who I'm with. 

It's the end of the round, you know what that means? LAST MINUTE JORDAN PINES CONFESSIONAL TIME! It's america's favourite game show where Jordan Pines quickly makes a confessional at the last possible moment to not recieve a strike and tries to make his thoughts sound coherent. Let's Play! Whew this round was awful compared to every round so far in every aspect. First we get a challenge and I'm like... Oh Shit we can win this! and I work my ass of coordinating, doing most of the work for the tribe getting list ready in shit. And guess what it worked, we had the best scores over all and it wasn't very close... until you remember that each member of a tribe getting 20% on a challenge like this is basically a guaranteed win unless you are absolutely garbage. So we lose! Here we are and I have 4 people on my tribe including and I want to go far with all 3. Like I was at a loss. Not to mention the fact that I was having the day from hell where I could only be on for a minute like for the whole day. It ends up being emma and that fucking sucks cause emma is an icon. She has now won the duel and thank god I had some common sense not to blindside her and give her a heads up so that I can repair the relationship. Let's see how she feels about me tonight, but like I stand by it that I quote it here, in an ideal world i would go as close to the end with emma, shes iconic and i trust her a lot. I hope I havent damaged this relationship too badly! LET ME SWAP ALREADY!

I am tired of losing!! we’ve been attending tribal nonstop and it sucks. All these people are amazing. The vote was between Sarah and Em, Jordan was quite busy and didn’t care who left so it came down to my decision unfortunately. I decided em should go because I just don’t have a relation with her like I do with Jordan and Sarah. Luckily she won and is still in the game and got us gold <3 Jordan’s gonna try and do damage control with Em to keep her on our side. We’ve got a few advantages rn  and have been leading these tribals so I hope we stay in a good position. 

#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #confessionals

[sygengen1999-blog]

Chapter 1 "Philosophical Perspective of the self"

For those 12 philosopher they have seen a different perspective of the self.

For socrates, I relate my self for he's philosophy, so the self is synonymous with the soul and the soul is striving for wisdom and perfection, and that's true. Me as a human, although I'm not a perfect at all but I'm striving for a perfection, because I admit that I also have a pride within myself. And we also admit that ourself striving for that, for showing them that you can do that things and you can do of this, but in the reality you can't value yourself of being a perfectionist person because for socrates perception an Unexamined life is not worth living for so, you only know your self.

For Plato same for socrates perspective that the self is synonymous with the soul, but he introduce the idea that there's three part of soul/self. First Reason, and yes I'm also had a reason to think just like I'm thinking about what happened yesterday, Im thinking of solution, problems, thoughts and etc and to make a wise choice like how to manage my time, and save a safety money for incase emergency and to understand those situation like family, school and the environment that sorround me. Second is Physical Appetite like Hunger, thirst and sexual desire we also experience of this with your partner/husband. Third Spirit or passion, I also experience a different emotions like love, to love my family, friends and loveones. Anger sometimes I cannot control my self when Im not in the mood. Ambition We also had ambition just like to finish our studies and to have a successful life. Aggressiveness we also do this everytime like when we are In a mood, you have a lot of energy. And plato beleive that this three elements of dynamic relationship with one another, sometimes is in conflict.

For Aristotle that the soul is the essence of the self, he suggest that anything with life has a soul and he introduce the three kind of soul the Vegetative,Sentient and Rational soul. We also know that we as a human we physically grow up by stages, to infant to late adulthood, as we grow we experience a lot of emotions, feelings and sensual desires with our partner/husband and wife. As a human we deffinetly understand those things, for short we're getting matured, we pursuit of our own happiness and such actions in our daily life and we also have a moral virtues such as justice and courages.

For St. Augustine he believes that the self has an Immortal soul, yes he's right we as a human we believe in GOD the creator of our life, though st. Augustine is a Catholic priest, so our self is known only through knowing God, we have faith and reason and we also know that in every aspect of our life we confess our sins and mistake and worship God every sunday, because we believe too that our soul is an Immortal and our physical body is just a temporary and that is our belief, without soul we cannot live.

For John Locke he point out that people is using the power of reason to gain knowledge and that is true, we used reasoning in our daily life, Just like my parents I know that my parents are very strict, one time I'm late coming home they ask me why I'm late then I give a reason and explain why I'm late and theres no wrong to give them a reason and explaination because you only want is to understand them your situation.

For David Hume he suggest that there is no self, actually people will examine a different experience depends on the situation, but for he's philosophy yes we have an impression just like hate, love, joy, grief, pain, cold and heat and Ideas that we can do of this everytime, you can think every thoughts in our daily life, though we cannot be from of these in ourself consequently there is no self, actually Plato is right, what if there's no human/person cannot express their Impression, emotions, feeling and thoughts, what can be the person do if these are cannot be form?

For Sigmund Freud , he is not a philospher but he consist that the self has a three layers which is the conscious self where is usually take a demand of the situation like balance, we gain of this our own thoughts and perceptions. The Unconscious part of the self including sexuality, aggresiveness just like the perspective of plato and self distruction like traumatic memories, just like of what happened in my past I also had a traumatic memories and I experienced of being harras with my own biological father and the unfulfilled wishes, when Im a young I also wish that I have my own big house's and cars. The Childhood fantasies I always doing this when I was a child, I play with myself with my toys and talking with my Imaginary friend. And other hand is Preconscious self Where the memories still exist and stored knowledge.

For Rene Discartes the father of modern philosophy, he realize that our human self has a two dimensions which is the self as thinking entity and self as a physical body. Today ourself could aware of thinking about ourselves, we can doubts, understand, analyzes, question and reasons in every aspect in our life, and I think our self can exist independently of our physical body.

For Immanuel Kant, the self is a product of being organize and synthesized of all our own thoughts and perceptions, we experienced all of that. Just like my experience before, I construct myself when Im still in my highschool days, I'm doing a vices such like smoking, drinking alcohol, hangout with friends and always cutting during class hour. But now I realized and I construct myself well. Everything has a reason that every experience you will challenge there's lesson.

For Gilbert Ryle he believes that the self is best understood as a pattern of behaviour. Just like my bahaviour are very complicated, In school Im very active and hyper, when Im inside of my house, Im very strict and always Irretible and when Im with my friends/barkada Im always laughing and I enjoy my self with them. I cannot show my real identity when Im with the other people.

For Paul Churchland, Every person has a brain and he conclude that is the brain is gone there is no self, which is true. For my understanding yes we have brain, we cannot live without brain, and if its no brain theres no physical body will function. Brain is the main/major part our body too aside from the our heart, When we think our brain there is self withun us because its functioning like when we are thinking, reasoning, perception and etc. And sometimes our brain cannot functioning when we are lack of energy, lack of sleep and thinking a negative thoughts and we experience that.

[serenlyss]

Growing Up

Rating: G Pairing: Background terumob Summary: Shigeo decides to branch out a little. Crossposted to AO3: Growing Up

Here's my second stab at @bisexualwinry​‘s fluff prompts!

On an unrelated note, I've been looking for fellow mp100 writers here with the potential of creating a writer's discord! Specifically I've been looking in the mp100 fandom since that's the one I'm most active in rn but it's open to all fandom writers. I haven't created it yet bc I haven't seen enough interest but I feel like it could be a really fun place for writers to get together, find beta readers, workshop ideas, etc! If you're interested, hmu here on tumblr or my discord (LyssaGirl1998). You can send me an ask or an im, whatever you prefer!

“Master Reigen,” Shigeo says one day from his spot on the couch in Reigen’s office, “I think I’d like to learn to play piano.”

Reigen looks up from where he’s tapping away at his keyboard. It’s still odd to hear Shigeo call him that, after he’d admitted to being a fraud, but despite his insistence that he doesn’t need to anymore, he still does anyway. Shigeo reclines against the couch, one leg lifted so that his ankle rested atop his opposite knee. He has a book open in his lap, which he’s been quietly reading up until now.

“Piano?” The voice of Reigen’s unwanted and self-imposed secretary butts into the conversation before Reigen can reply. Tome leans forward in her seat, the seat that used to be Shigeo’s, before he’d stopped coming around as frequently. “What would you want to learn something like that for?”

Shigeo shrugs with a small smile, slipping a bookmark between the pages of his novel and setting it aside for now. The smiles are less rare now, more generously offered and less stifled and withheld. “It was thinking that it could be fun to learn how to play an instrument,” he explains. “I don’t have a lot of hobbies, after all.”

Reigen’s more than a little surprised that piano is the thing that Shigeo has decided to pursue. He’s never seemed like much of the musical type, aside from whatever music he liked to listen to in his free time, and he’d only ever taken interest in a few random activities, like exercising. But he’s in his third year of middle school now, and he’d finally started letting go of the tight hold he’d kept on his emotions for all those years, so it’s only natural for him to want to explore those hidden and repressed sides of himself now. Besides, Reigen finds the idea of careful Shigeo sitting at a piano quite easy to imagine, once he puts his mind to it. “Hmm, I think it would suit you,” he comments. “Why piano, though? Any particular reason?”

“Well, Teru knows how to play, and he’s even offered to teach me a few times,” Shigeo replies, his smile turning a bit more shy and fond with the mention of his boyfriend. “He’s really talented, and I bet he’s a good teacher.”

At her desk, Tome makes choking noises and pretends to be sick.

Reigen ignores her entirely. “I think it’s a good idea,” he says. Shigeo deserves encouragement and support, and if he wants to try something new, Reigen firmly believes that he should.

Shigeo, at least, seems pleased with the answer, nodding with a confidence Reigen still isn’t quite used to seeing before returning quietly to his book. Reigen lets himself stare a moment longer, noting that Shigeo’s gotten taller. It won’t be long before he shoots over Reigen’s head and starts rivaling Serizawa.

He huffs out a breath that ends up sounding annoyed, turning back to his work. These stupid kids, they really do grow up way too fast.

---

Teru and Shigeo meet after their club activities often to study and, occasionally, to have a brief piano lesson. Teru can’t fit a keyboard in his little apartment, so he comes to Salt Mid instead, and the two of them take up residence in one of the school’s open practice rooms in the music wing.

Shigeo’s fingers are inexperienced and uncertain, and he’s quick to doubt the soft way he presses the keys, so different from Teru’s quick and confident playing. He’s stubbornly dedicated to learning, though, and his ear is incredibly sharp. He picks out his mistakes quickly after he makes them, fingers jerking into the correct positions with little need for Teru to correct them for him. Teru’s quick to praise him for his progress and gentle when he points out his missteps, and they quickly fall into a routine in their lessons of sitting on the bench together, close enough to brush shoulders, Teru leaning over to mess with the music while Shigeo does scales and arpeggios and sight reads the kind of music meant for three-year-olds and pretends not to notice how the proximity makes his chest warm comfortably.

---

Ritsu hears Shigeo practice, sometimes, when their mother goes to run errands, their father isn’t quite home from work yet, and it’s just the two of them in the house. Usually it’s when Ritsu is up in his room, working on his homework. He’ll catch the faint, distant sound of piano melodies as Shigeo plays whatever comes to mind: random little tunes that Teru’s taught him, old folk songs and nursery rhymes, and occasionally something of his own creation.

The tunes start out rough and shaky, large breaks between bits of the music Shigeo hasn’t quite committed to memory yet. Ritsu wonders how he can see so little progress and yet still not find himself frustrated. He shakes his head and goes back to his homework, drowning out the quiet plinks of the piano beneath him with headphones and his own music.

---

Shigeo graduates middle school.

Reigen gets invited to come sit with his family for the ceremony, and Teru does as well. They find a seat off to the side, easy to spot but not too overbearing. The ceremony is widely unnecessary, in Reigen’s opinion, and drags on for far longer than he believes it should, but that doesn’t stop the rush of unprecedented pride he feels when he hears the principal call Shigeo’s name.

He watches, speechless, as the boy he’s known for the last five years of his life crosses the stage, and hides the fact that he’s on the verge of tears by pretending he’s sleepy and rubbing his eyes. Ritsu shoots him a look that says he sees right through Reigen’s bullshitting, but not even Shigeo’s snarky younger brother can steal his good mood away from him when he eagerly goes to congratulate his student after the ceremony has concluded.

Shigeo’s parents shell out to buy him a nice graduation gift: an electronic keyboard of his own, one that he can easily put up in his bedroom and take with him when he eventually goes off to college. It’s full-sized, with the nice weighted keys that feel like a real piano’s, but compact enough that he doesn’t need to worry about how much space it takes up. Reigen pitches in to help pay for the accessories as his own congratulations, and it’s beyond satisfying to see the way Shigeo’s eyes light up at the sight of the crisp, new black-and-white instrument already set up and waiting for him when they all go back to the Kageyama house to celebrate.

---

Shigeo keeps practicing. He gets better every time Ritsu hears him, his pacing more consistent, repertoire more confident. It makes him happy that Shigeo has found something he likes, that he’s willing to practice and get better at. He hopes he sticks with it.

---

Shigeo grows older, taller. His daily exercises with the Body Improvement Club show in the lean muscles he hides beneath the sleeves of the better-fitting high school uniform. His shoulders broaden and his face loses its childishness in favor of more mature, angular features, but it retains its softness in the laugh lines around his eyes and the toothy smile he no longer hesitates to show.

Larger hands and longer fingers make playing the piano that much easier, after the initial adjustment he has to make to account for his newfound clumsiness. He runs into things constantly now, banging his feet on chairs and tables that he swears are too far away to be problematic and hitting his head on low-hanging objects and shelves he used to be able to walk right under. He forgets sometimes that he can reach the high shelves now, the ones even Reigen can’t get to unless he uses the little step stool by the pantry.

He joins a music club at his new high school and uses it as his designated practice time, putting his hours into the well-worn pianos in the music room while the other club members hone their own talents all around him. It’s been months since he first touched a piano, and he’s grown confident and deft in the way he moves his fingers over the keys. He can sight read now, at least certain things. He plays whatever he feels like playing, not confined to classes or grades or any sort of classical training. He picks out song with tunes he thinks sound pretty or interesting and then he recreates them, with or without music, content to play on a whim instead of by necessity.

He never becomes so good at the piano that he’s asked to perform outside of occasional pieces he plays for his friends or classmates at his music club. He learns a few duets, with Teru or with friends who play other instruments, but he doesn’t perform in front of large crowds or even attempt to.He’s perfectly content to play for himself, and only himself.

---

Shigeo loves playing the piano. When he feels stressed, it’s an easy way for him to relieve some dormant energy and express those feelings in a productive way. He plays happy things when he’s feeling sad, somber things when he’s feeling contemplative, whatever comes to mind in the moment. He plays easy things and complex things, whatever sounds pleasing to the ear, and challenges himself by picking up pieces that he thinks may be a bit beyond his skill level. He surprises himself by putting in the time and effort into making what seemed impossible his new glass ceiling, and shatters it with every day he pushes himself out of his comfort zone.

Sometimes he plays out loud, for anyone to hear, and other times he plugs in a pair of headphones and plays just for himself. He plays as a break between homework assignments, putting his brain to work in a completely different way, plays when he’s feeling bored and has nothing else to do.

Sometimes he doesn’t play at all, too wrapped up in the business of his schedule as he balances occasional work for Reigen with hanging out with Teru and his brother and all of their friends. He never goes too long without playing, though, his attention inevitably going back to the keyboard set up by the window in his room, where he can glance outside at the neighbors walking their dogs down the street while his fingers drum against the plastic keys. It’s peaceful, and takes his mind off his other concerns.

---

When he finally leaves his parents’ house, he takes the keyboard with him.

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #mp100 fluff bomb #terumob #kageyama shigeo #hanazawa teruki #kageyama ritsu #arataka reigen #fanfiction #mp100 fanfic #serendipitousfics

[eggoreviews]

12 ‘Unpopular’ Viddy Game Opinions

I’ve seen this topic floating around a lot, but didn’t think I had enough ‘unpopular but maybe not’ opinions about games to make a post. Turns out I do! So if you see this and I say something blasphemous, remember it’s just my opinion and my personal experiences with the games I list. Hope you enjoy or hey, maybe even agree with some of this!

Note: Can’t stress enough. This is just me. Also, spoilers under the cut!

12. The opening of Kingdom Hearts II isn’t as terrible as everyone says

Okay, so it’s not brilliant, but at the same time, I don’t think it’s the worst. For those not in the know, KH2′s opening is a basically a massive slog where you play as a character you don’t know or care about with seemingly no real link to the events of the previous game. The general consensus is that there’s some interesting stuff in here, but it’s buried among endless dialogue that really doesn’t mean much. And they’re right, but I really think there’s some great stuff here that people tend to gloss over. The music and the motif of Twilight Town is atmospheric, there’s some genuinely intriguing plot elements that are woven into Roxas’ story and believe it or not, the stuff that happens here is intrinsic to the rest of the game. So yeah, it drags on a little, but I don’t think KH2 would be miles better without this opening.

11. I loved Breath of the Wild’s final boss

One of the problems I see talked about with Breath of the Wild is that the boss fights are fairly mediocre, especially the very last one, Dark Beast Ganon. And I couldn’t disagree more. I think every boss in the game is wonderfully crafted, intense, challenging and great for testing you on what you’ve learned throughout the game by encouraging you to make creative use of your slate powers and the flurry rush technique. And while Mr. Pig Man at the end here is sort of easy and short, it serves as a brilliantly epic finale to damn near perfect game. While the difficulty is mostly gone after the mammoth fight with Calamity Ganon, it’s still just as intense as you frantically fire off arrows into the massive beast in front of you. Plus, the design of this thing is one of the best looking monsters in the game, so I really don’t understand the dislike for this ending.

10. I really like Crash of the Titans

Okay, so maybe childhood nostalgia has something to do with this pick, but every Crash fan I’m aware of seems to hate this game. But I don’t really know where the hate comes from! I played the PS2 version of this and I thought it was a genuinely fun 3D platformer with a variety of locations, good visuals, well-designed boss battles and even a vague story you can sort of follow! The game’s main gameplay feature is also brilliantly integrated, as using Aku Aku to possess various monsters throughout the game keeps everything interesting. One thing I will say though, that tiger dude you have to fight about halfway through is the most annoying thing I’ve ever had to endure in a game.

9. Life Is Strange: Before the Storm is BAD

I loved Life Is Strange when it first dropped, so I was beyond excited when they announced a prequel from Chloe’s perspective. But I really think they dropped the ball and they dropped it hard. But everyone else seems to adore this game! For me, this wasn’t a touch on the original. For a start, they dropped out one of the main mechanics of the first game, the time travel, which they then replaced with a much less interesting ‘Backtalk’ feature, which was then only used about twice throughout the game. Instead of interesting, developed characters reacting to genuinely dangerous or heartfelt situations, it felt to me like a bunch of one-dimensional teenagers who are edgy for the sake of being edgy. Chloe spends the majority of the game being a dick to her mother and bunking off class to spend time with Rachel, who she has literally known for like a day and their sudden relationship drops out of nowhere. Not that I didn’t enjoy the emotional moments of their relationship, it just didn’t feel like it stemmed from anywhere, unlike Max and Chloe from the first game. And the game’s attempts at villains were also rubbish compared to the first, with Damien (random scary knife guy who doesn’t really tie into the plot that much) and Eliot (who doesn’t appear for the whole game and suddenly goes full incel on Chloe when she breaks into Rachel’s house). Yeah I think you can tell I had some problems with this one.

8. Dishonored: Death of the Outsider was also a hot mess

I LOVE the Dishonored series. The first game and its DLCs are amazing, the second game was arguably even better. And then this happened. In this one, you play as Billie Lurk, a character I love, and Daud comes back, a character I also love. But both of them are incredibly badly written and it doesn’t feel like there’s any development to them or even much reason for them to do what they’re doing. This entry took the mystery surrounding the Outsider and basically did a big poo on it, giving us the revelation that he was apparently HUMAN this whole time. I think that was the nail in the coffin that made me sort of think this was a bit rubbish. While the combat and side missions were as brilliant as ever, the level designs felt less creative than other entries in the series and lacked variety or colour, all the side characters were entirely forgettable and to wrap it all up, they killed Daud offscreen. Out of nowhere, they just killed him, mentioned it offhand in a cutscene and that was that. If you like this game, fair enough, but it kind of baffles me that more people don’t see this in the game.

7. Mario Galaxy 2 is good. It’s just sort of good

Some people cite this as being one of the best 3D platformers of all time, and that’s fair enough, but I just kind of see this one as ‘good’. Sure, it has a good, satisfying control scheme for the most part, the level design is creative and the bosses and puzzles are pretty standard for a Mario title, but still enjoyable. However, sometimes, the floaty physics and weird knockback effect from jumping into walls led to quite a lot of unfair deaths, especially if I’d been punished for messing up already by losing a life, only to then immediately be punished again by falling into the void. Plus, I found Yoshi near impossible to control at some points with the motion controls. So yeah, this one is genuinely enjoyable, but I don’t think I’d personally put it with the best of all time.

6. I LOVE Dragon Quest IX TO DEATH

This is a game in a legendary franchise that consistently almost always see ranked at the very bottom of the pile in the series. But I really don’t understand how or why. Okay so your protagonist and party are basically silent and don’t have a lot of character, but I don’t see this as a reason to totally write off the game! The side characters, villains and story are all amazing and well-developed, the world is huge, colourful and interesting, the monsters are brilliantly creative and Dragon Quest’s signature lame sense of humour is gratefully carried through the whole game. The music is always brilliant and atmospheric and the bosses are just as memorable as each character you meet. What was everyone’s problem?? This is genuinely one of the best RPGs I’ve ever played and if you haven’t had a chance to pick it up, it is so, so worth it.

5. Sonic Adventure is a broken mess

So before I kick this one off, I’m not someone who hates Sonic and I’m not here to slate the whole franchise, but considering this game is often considered to be one of the best in the series, I thought it was definitely worth addressing. When I first played this, I literally couldn’t believe this was made in 1998, AFTER Mario 64 and yet it’s so broken! The physics and control scheme are totally wonky and hard to control, the unending amount of glitches make a fair amount of the stages almost unplayable, the voice acting and facial animation is cringey and oddly broken and yet, this was all on the Dreamcast. The most powerful console of the time. And I don’t think I even need to mention how boring some of the later stages get, with Big the Cat’s fishing section being the main offender. I can’t vouch for Adventure 2 as I haven’t had a chance to play yet, but I really hope it isn’t like this.

4. Dragon Age Origins is the best Dragon Age

Dragon Age has always been a popular RPG series, but I think it properly shot to fame once Inquisition dropped in 2014. And don’t get me wrong, I liked Inquisition! The world was colourful and expansive and the characters were fairly memorable, but I still think the best experience you can get is in the series’ first entry, Origins. While it’s pretty easy to see that it’s slightly dated considering it’s ten years old now, the best characters and story in the series I think is here. Each companion you recruit is varied and developed and the story wraps up brilliantly in the end with each companion and army you meet playing a different role in the final battle. Plus, I kind of can’t forgive Inquisition for making Leliana lose her sense of humour and making her kinda boring.

3. Oblivion is better than Skyrim

Okay so I’m not sure exactly how unpopular this is, but I just thought Oblivion was miles better than Skyrim ended up being. Just to clear it up, I still love Skyrim and I thought it built on the series’ combat system and variety of enemies really well and still provided an enjoyable experience. But Oblivion feels like more of an adventure you feel at home in. The story is dense and full of twists and turns. The soundtrack has some of the most atmospheric music I’ve ever heard, the world is full of bright colours, each city is vastly different and has its own lore and I found some of this to be absent from Skyrim. I’d go into more detail, but I think the simple fact is that Oblivion had so much more I liked than Skyrim.

2. I don’t think The Witcher III is all that amazing (in some regards)

This by no means says that I don’t like the game, because I do, but I think it has more flaws than people let on. Now, don’t get me wrong, a lot of the stuff people praise about this game is true, the quests are in-depth and masterfully crafted, the characters, especially Geralt, are extremely memorable. In fact, Geralt is one of my favourite game protagonists. But most of the problems I had were in terms of the gameplay. The combat, while fast-paced and satisfying, can sometimes feel a little finicky, so a lot of precision is needed. However, I felt that the world itself didn’t particularly interest me and the music is often ambient but outside of combat, isn’t anything special. Mostly though, the leveling system I found to be a bit wonky. I did absolutely everything I could in the first area of the game; all the side quests, treasure hunts, killed a whole bunch of monsters etc. And then I arrive in the second area and find I’m too underleveled to do literally anything. The majority of the quests have too high a level cap, a lot of the monsters kill me very quickly. And because the bulk of EXP farming is in the quests, I’m sort of stuck in an endless loop of constantly not being strong enough to do anything. On top of that, all my equipment keeps breaking and I’m finding that repair kits are extremely few and far between and that makes me even WEAKER. It’s something I’m gonna need to persevere with I think, but hey, this is just my experience with it.

1. Ocarina of Time, as amazing as it is, may have overstayed its welcome as best game of all time

I reckon this might be the most controversial, so it’s number 1. Let me preface this by saying I really like Ocarina and I agree that it was innovative for the RPG genre at the time. There’s a hell of a lot in this game that we have to thank for the games we have today. But considering how far the gaming industry has come since then and the sheer amount of high quality games we’ve been getting year after year, is still fair to call this the best game ever? When more recent games have taken what Ocarina started and built upon it? Games like Breath of the Wild, Horizon Zero Dawn, Red Dead Redemption II, God of War all gave us expansive, beautiful worlds and a story you can really get stuck into. And all the time, more and more games of this caliber are coming out. So yes, of course Ocarina of Time deserves a place in the hall of fame, it was revolutionary and still holds up really well today! I just can’t help but think there have been plenty of games since then, as flawed as some of them may be, that have improved upon the formula tenfold since Ocarina’s release.

Thanks for reading if you got this far! Just to reiterate, these are all just my opinions and my experiences with the games I mentioned, so pls don’t attack me. Got any viddy game opinions you think are sort of not popular? Drop them down below if you feel like it!

#zelda #loz #nintendo #nintendo switch #kingdom hearts #ocarina of time #botw #breath of the wild #oblivion #skyrim #dragon age #sonic the hedgehog #sonic #dragon quest #mario #Super Mario #Dishonored #life is strange #gaming

[sugakookiesbutbadass]

💜 Soft Bias Tag 💜

i was tagged by the two lovelys at @bts-soccer-moms​ to do the most adorable tag ever ~ tysm this was so much fun!! 

1. Who is my bias?

my favourite muscle bunny jeon jungkook, kookie, nochu, love of my life

2. What made you notice them?

“Dope” was my first bts mv and i swear it was legitimately love at first sight (that police uniform got me whipped from the start but shhh) i’ve never chosen a bias that quick in my life tbh i didn’t even know what a bias was back then and i already knew it was going to be him (cheesy i know) also when i started watching more bts content i fell for his honey vocals, his big sparkly eyes, his cute bunny smile, and he’s just my ideal boy you know? he’s beautiful and talented what more can i say?

3. What’s your favourite thing about them?

i know everyone says this about their bias but honestly can you blame us? of course the answer is everything! i love everything about him, his passion and ambition for music, his big heart and love for his hyungs, his cute mannerisms, his will to strive to become the best at whatever he sets his mind to, he’s not only beautiful on the outside but he’s infinitely beautiful on the inside 

4. Who would initiate skinship more?

i think at the beginning probably me? mostly because he's such a shy shy boy but also i think once he's more comfortable it will be pretty balanced between us

5. Who would hog the blankets more?

either neither of us or him bc i'm literally a human heater so i don't really need to hog the blankets that much plus if he just cuddles up to me he wouldn't need to hog them anyways  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

6. Who would be more clingy?

i don't think either of us are that noticeably clingy but if it's just us and not in public then perhaps me? 

7. Who would say “I love you” first?

hmmm is it cheesy if i say we happened to say it at the same moment bc it finally felt right? lolol but idk i think maybe he would to say it first cuz it takes me a while to finally admit things so yeah

8. Who easily be more flustered?

oh man i think we both tie in this one but i’d like to think that i can hide it better than him, i mean have you seen the stuttering mess kookie is when his hyungs catch him off guard poor bun bun

9. What cuddling position would you two have?

please refer to this taekook moment as a point of reference

10. Which colours remind you of him?

two colours come to mind:

~ golden honey yellow: he's not the golden maknae for nothing, also like i've said before, his honey vocals make me melt every time and he's also the sweetest boy so of course he reminds me of honey plus he looks so precious whenever he wears yellow

~ a deep bold red: it reminds me of the fire and raw passion in his eyes as he performs, the energy he exerts when he dances, and just that alluring presence he holds when he knows he's owning the stage

tldr: kookie is 💛✨🍯 and jungkook is ❤️🔥🎤

11. What season would you like to spend with them?

summer! i want to have all the fun in the world with him without any worries or cares in the back of our minds, i want to have cute amusement park dates, ice cream at the park dates, bowling alley and arcade dates, everything and anything, we could go out to the pier, stargaze, the whole shabang 

12. Who would bake the cookies and who would steal the batter?

based on the cooking run bts episodes, i think he'd be better in the kitchen than me tbh and i'm not much of a baker but i will help if i see someone else baking but also low key so that i can sneak a bite or two

13. Which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react?

i think both of us would crack a pun every now and then and the other person would just sigh and roll their eyes but also quietly chuckle and note to themselves to one up the other person in the future 

14. Who would want to adopt 50 cats and dogs?

i think we would alternate between one of us being like "you know what sounds like a good idea? adopting a dog. right now. let's do it." and the other one being the Reasonable One™ but then eventually one day we both end up being the one wanting the dog and attempting to enable the other and so we end up getting a cute dog child and we live happily ever after the end

15. Which one of you would nearly burn the kitchen down trying to microwave a pop tart and who would come to the rescue?

well considering kookie had said before that he has One Fear which happens to be microwaves so i'm gonna say it's him. it will be like:

him: "kirstyyyy can you make me a pop tart?"

me: "sorry kookie i'm a bit busy at the moment, can you try making it yourself?"

*smoke detector goes off in the distance* 

me: *cleans up the mess and makes him a new one* 

me: "you're an idiot" 

him: "yeah but i'm your idiot" 😉 

me: “ugh you're lucky i still think you're cute” 🙄 

him: “heheh sorry ily” 😙

16. Who likes to lean over trail railings and who pulls them back?

i think we'd both have our moments for this because we both have no fear of heights and have moments where #dangerismymiddlename but then again we are also promoters of safety so yeah 

17. What would watching a horror movie with them be like?

it would consist of a lot of fun banter and teasing towards whoever jumps or get scared :P i really enjoy watching horror films with company because i love commentating (especially for dumb horror films where i get to yell at the characters for making dumbass decisions) but i also get a laugh whenever someone (including myself) gets a big scare so yeah, i think it would be fun to have a horror movie marathon with kookie during spooky season or something

18. Who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

i think kookie can be 50/50 i mean have you seen this boy's duality? his dorky offstage personality vs his sensual onstage presence gives me whiplash.. me on the other hand, i think my cheesiness will outweigh my smoothness like 75/25 

19. Who would be more competitive?

we will make everything a competition, but like in a fun healthy way like "i bet i can beat you in this track in mario kart" "iS tHaT A cHaLLeNgE??!?" and whoever wins gets like a little prize each time (can be anything from food to a peck on the cheek to getting the better controller next time to picking the next movie etc.) like just simple silly competitions to keep it interesting (no sore losers or egotistic winners in this house, it's all just fun and games) and ooo bonus: we can keep a little chart over like the month or maybe the year like a "jungkook vs kirsty" and the overall winner gets a grand prize of whatever they want 

20. Who would have to be given constant reminders (to eat, sleep, drink water, etc.)

him. we all know that he works his hardest and tries to push himself past his limits so i think he would need someone to gently remind him to take care of himself from time to time :’( 

21. Who sends memes and who sends cute “i miss you” texts at 3 am?

we're talking about your resident meme king and queen here so what do you think? but then again we both have our soft hours so i think it will be a fair mix of both. something like 

"i miss you"

"you meme a lot to me" 

and that’s it!! this was honestly so much fun to do and i’m now feeling softer than usual for my bunny rip gonna go watch some cute compilations or something ok byeee

i tag: @wen-jun-bae, @blueberry-child, @taeyongskookie, @cyphersnamjoon, @mysticalj, @jinstaej, @min-baby-boy-yoongi, @majinstic, @madpanda69, @kochiniseokjinnie, @im-captain-of-this-ship,  @kawaii-ing, @chiantae, @dailygifihope, and anyone else who wants to do this :) 

#soft bias tag #soft bias #jungkook #bts #jungkook bias #get to know me #personal #tag #tags #ask me stuff :)