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tellmeallaboutit · 8 days

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knock knock (Raphael x F!Player)

Chapter 1, In Which You Install The Mod

FOREWORD: inspired by this post

SUMMARY: Careful which mods you install for BG3. Did you read the terms and conditions carefully?

TAGS: meta romance, psychological horror, smut, the character is the player, Raphael is after you, you wanted him, you invited him to our world, he accepted your invitation

RATING: explicit

AO3

***

You hesitated for a moment before downloading this “Devil Wears Nada” mod. It felt slightly inappropriate, absurd as it may sound. There was something disrespectful about making Raphael deliver his final monologue in the nude.

Well, you would have to live with offending a bunch of pixels because you do want these screenshots. You put the salt and vinegar Pringles out of the way and wiped your fingers on a napkin before committing this digital sin.

Clickity-click-click. You dragged-and-dropped the mod where you wanted it to be and launched Steam. Now to load the saved game where you made the deal with the devil and gave him the crown of Karsus… pretty much any saved game really.

Raphael had been spared in each one of your playthroughs.

A sigh escaped you when the devil still appeared fully clothed in the game; had something gone wrong? You double-checked, only to realize that you'd forgotten to activate the mod - odd, since you clearly remembered doing so. Leaving the game, you dragged the mod back into place.

On your phone, in the Devil's Den discord chat, you informed everyone of Raphael's stubborn refusal to undress.

MAKE HIM! came the immediate reply, followed by STRIP THE OLD MAN, accompanied by raunchy gifs. Couldn't help but grin at that.

Back in the game, you loaded an earlier save file and sank into your chair to watch Raphael emerge from the flames, clothed once again. “You son of a…”, you muttered to yourself. It was getting late anyway; this would be your last attempt before calling it a day. Tomorrow is Tuesday and thus another work day.

“It won’t be long before you come knocking at my door”, Raphael said, looking straight at you from the wide screen. This wall-breaking sequence was brilliantly executed—you had to admit it—very eerie.

Raphael let out a deep, hearty laugh, head thrown back, pearly teeth glistening in orange-red lighting. You didn’t see this animation before. They must have added it with the latest patch, so you moved in closer.

Handsome as sin, this devil - if he asked for your soul, you’d hand it over on a silver platter.

Suddenly, he fell silent for several seconds, staring directly at you from across the digital divide. You reached for the mouse to check if there was a glitch in the cutscene when Raphael's voice sliced through the silence.

“You are quite eager to see me naked, aren’t you? Naughty little mouse,” Raphael taunted.

What the fuck?

WHAT THE FUCK!?

You recoiled in shock and slammed your laptop shut. A shriek must have escaped your lips, but you were too stunned to notice. It took a moment for your heart to settle and for you to remember what date it was today.

A quick glance over the watch on your wrist confirmed: it was the first of April. April first, two thousand and twenty-four.

It was an April Fool's joke from the modders.

Oh, fuck. Having recovered from the initial shock, you cautiously opened your notebook, only to be greeted by the familiar "ta-ta" outro. Oh, fuck. This is some kind of really fucked-up prank. How did they get this voice line?

AI, probably. Not probably. Definitely. There was no way they could have involved Andrew Wincott.

You scanned the game screen for any other surprises, but found none. Picking up your phone, you opened Discord and began recording a long voice message - your fingers too clammy to type.

The replies came soon after.

Haha, this is so fucked up, did they really do this? Hm. I have to try it myself. RECORD IT, RECORD IT PLEASE!

You stared at the loading screen but couldn't bring yourself to replay it. Instead, you searched “Raphael naked mod April joke” and clicked on the first Reddit thread that popped up. You didn't even bother to open it; a quick glance at the preview comment – “crazy I almost had a heart attack” – was more than enough.

Enough for today.

You quickly brushed your teeth in the bathroom and changed into short pajamas before glancing at the laptop on the other side of the room, its camera eye peering at you from across the room. You closed the shutter.

“Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you”, you read somewhere.

You tucked yourself into bed, phone in hand, blanket between your legs. Was it time for a quick stroll through selected Raphael / Tav bookmarks?

No. Well, maybe. The threesome with Haarlep, just a quick re-read to help you fall asleep quicker. You were creeped out, but not that creeped out. You’ve heard of such meta jokes before. Black & White did it, Metal Gear Solid did it, too.

But still… they really should tag this sort of stuff.

Your nightly reading was progressing nicely; things were getting interesting - “the ridges of his devil cock stroking your sensitive walls” interesting. Your hand slid into your underwear, working your finger past your hair down to your clit. This scene was very well written, you could almost feel it, picture yourself spread open between Haarlep and Raphael.

The smut got better and better right until your phone vibrated in your hand, and you dropped it on the blanket.

Unknown caller ID.

Don't answer it, came the panicked, irrational thought as it grabbed you in a chokehold.

You stared at the screen - the call went on and on - and pushed it aside. Swiped to the right in one quick motion and heard an automated female voice:

"This call is from Europol. We would like to inform you that your identity card number has been misused. For further information please press 1."

You hung up immediately, recognizing this as one of those scam calls that had been making rounds recently. Your mum had received one too.

Nothing to lose sleep over.

You put the phone down and turned your back to it, trying to calm down. Screw the fanfic, you were not in the mood anymore. Well, you were, but…

Another time.

It took some time before you could relax, your gaze fixed on the blank wall in front of you, re-playing that cutscene all over again in your head, occasionally wandering to the large window looking out over the courtyard (what a pitch black night).

Eventually, you did.

As you drifted off to sleep, a voice whispered in your dream:

“You are quite eager to see me naked, aren’t you? Naughty little mouse”.

The silky soft voice was so lovely; it made you feel less alone. A small smile crossed your lips as you slept.

Yes, Raphael. Very eager indeed.

Tomorrow. You’ll try again tomorrow.

NEXT: Chapter 2, In Which You Meet A Tall Dark Stranger

#bg3 raphael #meta fanfic #raphael x tav #raphael x player #raphael x oc #raphael x reader #meta horror #meta smut #also meta romance

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codename-adler · 6 months

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My 2 niche aftg takes are that I love and accept Nora’s extra content, just because they don’t get married or say I love u or any of that stuff, doesn’t mean they are not healing and that they can never truly be healed without those things, it’s just that those are not important to them and that’s valid, their happy ending doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s (I also love and accept Nora’s writing, not a fan of when everyone jokingly bashes her books as if she didn’t capture all our hearts, art is meant to make you feel, and she succeeded in that a lot more than a lot of other ‘good’ writing)

Number two is that I’m not a fan of a lot of the fanon characterisation of Andrew and Neil, I know it’s par for the course in queer media that a fandom will feminise one character and masculinise the other (and make one the ‘bottom’ and one the ‘top’ respectively) , and I even expected it, obviously that’s weird in itself but that’s not even the part that bothers me that much since I knew it would happen, the part that does is that they clearly have done it the wrong way round, because like, if any one of those boys is going to wear a skirt, it’s Andrew, he’s the one that likes fashion and might decide to experiment, not Neil. If anyone is a ‘submissive’ it’s Andrew, the way he acts in the books, he literally does anything neil wants to make him happy, and if anyone gives top energy, it’s Neil josten, and I know this is silly but I guess it made the whole thing a lot more jarring for me when I went on to read fanfic and it felt even more ooc than it usually would. Anyway that’s all.

that damn extra content... Okay. i have barely read any of it.

i've read Wymack's story / Dan's recruitment; me likes. i just love that man. nora knows how to build her men.

i've read Jean's drafts and his abuse at the Nest; me hates. the SA just thrown in there for what? Riko's already dead, it's pointless to further villainize him when the series is over. i hate SA as an afterthought, something that gives character, something being used as a plot device. with the announcement of TSC however? we'll see...

i've read Allison's future; me irks. see previous ask.

andreil stuff, i've read about here and there but not directly from the source; some me laughs, some me don't care. that's literally it. i don't give it much, if any, thought at all.

i've heard of Renee's future in the peace corps and marrying a man; me ew ew ew. she is so queer-coded it's baffling how that was achieved with Renee/Jean in mind. and the peace corps?? that toxic american white savior bullshit?? baby no. there are much better religious orgs and rep out there.

the rest is mystery to me. i'm cumulating more and more reasons to thoroughly read through the EC, but it's not like... an urge. i'll get to it when i get to it. i appreciate nora sakavic for writing it, but also for not pushing it everywhere. she doesn't mind whether one considers it canon or not. i really, really appreciate that of her. SO DO NOT COME FOR HER AND HER WRITING. aftg is GOOD. it was never badly written. it's just so out of left field that it is difficult not to be made to feel ashamed for liking the series by mainstream lit and lit. corps. honestly give me a work of literature that has had a stronger grip on its readers than aftg and that you consider being 'well-written' in comparison. i will never, ever say it's bad. because it isn't. i will not be taking any question.

as for the second part of this ask... i am uncomfortable discussing sexual fanon content, and i simply do not read that kind of stuff very often, again because it's not for me, so i won't be able to add to this. perhaps other mutuals can reach out to you on this?

thank you for your contribution @doctorwhomybae and sorry for the tardiness!

#aftg ask #aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #tfc #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #renee walker #allison reynolds #dan wilds #david wymack #aftg extra content #jean moreau #nora sakavic

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equiquest · 2 months

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OH MY GOD EQUIQUEST JUST BECAME THE 200TH-LONGEST FANVENTURE IN JUST 10 MONTHS

WHY SHOULD I CARE

Well okay, I guess I should introduce it a little bit.

Equiquest: 2010: 2020 is a fanadventure remaster of some story from like 2012 about Equius Zahaak being a kid in Texas going to school with John Egbert, Jade Harley, Vriska Serket, just all of them, all the kids. Why are they all the Homestuck kids and trolls??

BECAUSE ANDREW HUSSIE REAL

Equius is mad that he's written in as the worst character in Homestuck and so goes to confront Hussie, and…

…Hussie literally photoshops him into the story as an Equius who can't make robots and has the strength of a regular child.

And so begins the fight against Hussie. Will the kids be able to save their friend? How many will be thrown into Homestuck? Why is he Aradia and Sollux's cousin and why would he write a story where they kiss?? Why is he so evil????? WHY IS THERE SO MUCH SHITPOST HUMOR????????????

Several years ago now, I was one of the co-authors on the original Equiquest adventure, and after several undiagnosed mental health episodes I decided to just drop it and leave forever.

Now I'm more medicated than ever and really bored, so I thought, "Hey what if I did it again for a laugh"

So barring working on animated pages, me and the team (y'all are angels oh my god thank you for donating your time for shitty joke pictures) are doing a good job of updating almost every day in the spirit of a time where Homestuck still existed and updated constantly. We're imagining us someday finishing the full remaster and catching up to where the original cliffhung off at, and then even opening up suggestions to readers, but for now we're just taking it easy as we go.

Please read our funny work and recommend it to friends, comments make us so happy! And if you want to join in, shoot me a message and be over 18 years old I'm begging you I don't need nobody talking to me about FNF in-jokes

#mspfa #homestuck au #mspfanventures #homestuck #equiquest #equius zahhak #aradia megido #ultimateshillpost

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teabreakpancakes · 2 years

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Andrew Kreiss x male reader sfw and nsfw head cannons?<3

Andrew Kreiss x Male Reader SFW and NSFW Headcanons

Genre: Fluff, NSFW

(name) is someone from the 21st century btw

anon, i firmly believe in top andrew, i am sorry - lawless

𝐒𝐅𝐖

is very shy and reluctant at first, you're gonna have to take the initiative for most things at first

will take the initiative more often if he gets comfortable

if you're chaotic, he's the one that looks after you, he picks up after you if you get yourself in trouble

The gravekeeper peers down at his lover who was hiding behind him. "What did you do this time?" he asks, unphased and unamused. "Well," (Name) trails off, twiddling with the bracelet on his hand. "Well?" Andrew prods, tilting his head to the side while arching an eyebrow. "Well... I may have thrown a pie at that lawyer" he mumbles, looking away from Andrew with a pout on his face.

very possessive, he rarely had anything to call his so what'd you think would happen?

cares for you as if you're treasure

he's the one that rescues you if you're both in the same match—which sometimes annoys the other rescuers because he pushes past them when they're on their way to your chair.

likes taking walks with you at night

if you want to go out with him in the daylight, he goes with you despite not liking the sun—of course, he uses a parasol

he has more faith in you than in the god he used to have so much faith in

he wants to get married when you both leave the manor

he wants kids, doesn't matter if you can't birth any, adoption is an option :)

he gets domestic thoughts of taking care of you and your kids in your very own home

he's actually pretty good at cooking

Andrew places a plate of tempura he learned to make from Michiko in front of him, patiently waiting for his boyfriend to taste his cooking. (Name) takes a bite, eyes going wide when the food enters his mouth. He slams the fork on the table, "ANDREWWW, marry me you're literally so perfect, you can cook too omg, wish I knew how to cook T-T" he beamed at the albino before taking another bite eagerly.

he has scars covering his body, you tell them they look hot on him so he doesn't dislike them anymore

Andrew stares at his scar covered body, feeling self conscious. (Name) walks into his room, his mouth going agape. "ANDREW? YOU WERE RIPPED UNDER THAT ROBE? YOUR SCARS ARE SO HOT, respectfully staring" (Name) squeals, covering his mouth so he doesn't accidentally drool. Andrew's face heats up, "T, Thank you?" he says, unsure of what he should say.

he at first thought that loving the same gender was bad at first but then he realised that love is love no matter what

you help him learn that his illness isn't actually as bad as people said in his past life, you help him learn a lot of things since you're from a more recent time

was baffled to find out that technology advanced that much

you told him "i'd never snitch on you daddy" once because he accidentally wrecked the cipher machine by turning the valve in the wrong direction—he still doesn't know why you said that and liam never told him, he only laughed :(

is concerned by how suicidal you come off as—sacrificial bastard style

he sometimes thinks you're insane but hey, he still loves you either way

𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖

he won't let you top him, nuh uh, not like you'd want to tbh

dom him? sure, he'll let you—you always beg him to take the lead after a while anyways

he's very strict, he'll punish you if he needs to

those hands are heavy as hell, pray for your ass

Andrew gently soothes the red marks on your ass, using one of his fingers to prod at your sloppy hole, "There there, your punishment is over darling, it's alright" he whispers.

he likes marking up your body so everyone knows you're his

breeding kink. he doesn't care if you can't get pregnant, he just wants to see you full of him

Andrew watches his seed drip out of your twitching asshole, a satisfied smile plastered onto his face as he caresses your flushed face. "I love you" he coos into your ears, placing a gentle kiss on your temple.

he loves your scent, he can get all riled up just by smelling you

don't silence your voice, he loves it when you're loud

he actually enjoys it when you scratch up his back, he knows it's because you feel good

he can't help it if he's going too fast, you feel too good :(

"F, Fuck, you feel so good," he groans, grip tightening around (Name)'s hips as he slams his cock deeper into the smaller male. (Name) digs his nails into Andrew's back, choked cries of pleasure pouring out of his mouth. The albino rubs his lover's weeping cock, urging him to cum once more.

#lawless.writes #idv.writing #idv gravekeeper x reader #idv andrew kreiss x reader #male reader #x male reader #andrew kreiss #idv smut

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mlobsters · 8 months

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supernatural s8e8 hunteri heroici (w. andrew dabb)

(huh, has he written without daniel loflin before? looks like no, but does exclusively after this)

literal cartoonish death, always a great sign. to go along with the very serious business in the recap

that's one creepy ass smile there, misha lol wtf are you doing. i wanna be a hunter *performing human smile flawlessly*

CASTIEL Can I, uh, at least ride in the front seat? DEAN and SAM simultaneously [SAM while shouldering CASTIEL out of the way] No.

so this is how it's gonna go

DEAN Listen, you see anything weird, anything out of the box, you give us a call. DETECTIVE Whatever you say, Scully.

where the hell did that come from? (picking scully instead of mulder)

*blurry flashback on sam starts to fade in* me, out loud: OH JESUS CHRIST. i know amelia was in the recap but i forgot, okay. i'm so tired of this plot mechanic

this man (brian markinson) has been in so many of my things

the x-files s5e9 folie a deux as gary lambert

the killing s2e12 donnie or marie as gil sloane

mad men s6e2 the doorway, part 2 as dr arnold rosen

the magicians s4e7 the side effect as everett

god mad men was a beautiful show. look at the sets and costumes and lighting. gahhh. and second, he played the character in the magicians that basically caused quentin to kill sacrifice himself and i just got real hurt over it all over again good job, brain-o

i swear i keep getting natalie portman's character in garden state vibes from how she's playing this part

SAM Uh, no. Maintenance, mostly. STAN Ah. Well, that makes sense. 'Cause I got to say, Sam, you look like a real fixer-upper to me.

i laughed out loud because ????? and also sam🧍‍♂️

DEAN Cas, you gonna book a room or what? CASTIEL No, I'll stay here. DEAN Oh, okay. Yeah. We'll have a slumber party, braid Sam's hair. Where are you gonna sleep? CASTIEL I don't sleep. DEAN Okay, well, I need my four hours, so... CASTIEL I'll watch over you. DEAN That's not gonna happen.

what a weird little interaction. i guess cas is back to being clueless about social stuff for comic relief. he had some really good snarky moments there for a bit, why are we backsliding

all right so. weird feelings about this dean cas convo. dean being very.. forthright demanding a serious conversation with cas. but this...

CASTIEL Dean, I... When I was... bad... and I had all those things – the... the leviathans... writhing inside me... I caused a lot of suffering on earth, but I devastated Heaven. I vaporized thousands of my own kind, and I – I – I can't go back. DEAN 'Cause if you do, the angels will kill you. CASTIEL Because if I see what Heaven's become – what I – [sighs] what I made of it... I'm afraid I might kill myself.

i don't like how this is framed to gain sympathy (and i have a general great distaste for how suicide is thrown around in media anyway)

ORDERLY It's creepy, right? A lot of these people – they just tune out and live in their own heads. It's like maybe the real world is too much for them, and they just run and hide, you know?

the way i laughed at that prompt for a flashback

STAN I think the two of you are holding on to each other, yeah. 'Cause I know she's scared. After what happened to Don, I don't blame her for taking off. Needing to run away and hide – I know why she did it. The question is – what are you running from, Sam?

yeah current!sam, what are you running from huh?? good thing the kevin tran thing drags out for a long time so you can figure out you wanna keep hunting or whatever by the time it wraps up

oh gosh, it's bj from mash

m*a*s*h s10e18 heroes - mike farrell as bj hunnicutt

*mumbling threats at the screen, if you flashback again because dean said something about living in a dream world........ 🔪*

SAM Look, it can be nice living in a dream world. It can be great. I know that. And you can hide, and you can pretend all the crap out there doesn't exist, but you can't do it forever because... eventually, whatever it is you're running from – it'll find you. It'll come along, and it'll punch you in the gut. And then... then you got to wake up, because if you don't, then trying to keep that dream alive will destroy you! It'll destroy everything!

it's a 3 way pep talk. everyone here needs it. personally iffy on the whole cartoon schtick but i do like this test pattern room effect

bro please i'm having extreme flashback fatigue 😭

LOL i took a screenshot of dean opening the bottle this way at the beginning of the episode because i was like this is so strange that they're focusing on it, is he using his pocketknife?? also like, opening a beer while getting in the car still at the gas station? well. now i see, more silly setup for a silly payoff later

SAM My, uh – my brother used to do that. STAN Yeah? SAM Yeah. STAN He a good guy? SAM Yeah. Yeah, uh, he – he was... the best. Uh, I, uh... I lost him, and, uh, I ran.

i don't hate the story they're telling through the flashbacks, i just hate how it's executed. i can see why they're doing it this way, so we're not actively suffering through the separation, it already happened. and the people want sam and dean together. but avoiding separating them has also made this really clunky and drag out by chopping it up and sprinkling it over so many episodes

anyway, resurrecting amelia's not-actually-dead husband certainly gives us all a guilt-free out of this whole fucking situation

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 8x08 #andrew dabb #spnhiky #hiky #amelia richardson #castiel #brian markinson #mike farrell #the xfiles #m*a*s*h #bj hunnicutt #the magicians #the killing #mad men #amelia from garden state

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pianocat939 · 2 years

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Here’s one. Maybe Yandere Pumpkin cookie following MC around the bile trick or treating before grabbing them and taking them away before they can get home

HELL YEAH FINALLY A REQUEST FOR BEST GIRL HAS COME (sorry I just love Pumpkin Pie so much)

Credits to Andrew Gold for the song “Spooky Scary Skeletons”. It is forever a Halloween classic.

Tw: Fear from Paranoia, Kidnapping, Implied stalking, MC gets bounded by tape at some point.

Shivers Down Your Spine

The night is young, and the children and parents are still outside participating in the festivities. They run around in their costumes, screaming, "Trick or treat" every chance they get.

A group of friends walks among the streets, holding bags with some candy filled in them. They chat excitedly, conversing in matters they would only understand.

The wind howls, flipping over some hats. A feminine voice giggles, seemingly close but so far away from the group. Perhaps it's from one of the children.

"Did you guys hear that voice? Or am I hearing things?" One of the members of the group calls out, gripping the ends of their costume.

"Nope. Maybe it's from one of the residents around here. You shouldn't worry about it Y/n Cookie, I'm sure it's nothing." Another answers, looking through their sweets bag. They snatch one, unwrapping the plastic and chewing the sweet.

Y/n Cookie doesn't continue the conversation. Instead, they focus on trick or treating, trying not to pay attention to their growing fear.

As they continue on, the giggles repeat, and occassionally singing, "Spooky scary skeletos send shivers down our spine." Terror pounds in Y/n Cookie's heart, their breathing unsteady.

The same response is given no matter how many times they ask the others whether they can hear anything. It makes the fear grow, clouding their mind.

Finally, the group finishes their route, and the friends say goodbye, all going their separate ways. Y/n Cookie decides to walk home, since their house not too far.

As they travel, they hear the sound of pebbles scraping against the path. They look behind them, only to see that no one is there. Paranoid, they tread swiftly, hoping they arrive home soon.

After a few blocks their front door greets them, comforting their ever growing fear.

While they unlock the door a beast looms over them, creating a monstrous shadow. In a effortless swing it knocks the poor cookie out. Their body is dragged away and thrown into the beast's gigantic arms, carried away.

————————————————

On a vintage record player "Spooky Scary Skeletons" plays, the music disrupting the quiet household. In a room deep inside the gothic mansion, is an orange and black-themed cookie, drinking tea in a well manner. She hums, her tired eyes glancing lovingly at the cookie across from her.

"Sweetie, wake up~ You're going to miss tea time." They don't answer, still knocked out from the swing earlier.

She nudges them impatiently, eager to speak to them. "Come on, open your lovely eyes for me."

Slowly they lift their heavy eyelids, the harsh light invading their fragile eyes. They notice they aren't in their house, or anywhere familiar. Frightened, they start to thrash in their chair, attempting to break the binds that cover their body and mouth.

"Oh Y/n Cookie, don't struggle! You might fall over and get a concussion!" Pumpkin Pie stands up and rushes over to them worriedly, holding down their shoulders.

Pompon squeaks, its small body wiggling on the tabletop. "Hey, hey, you're ok. It's just me and Pompon." Pumpkin Pie wraps her arms around their waist, nuzzling into them.

Once they've calmed down enough she sits back down, returning to her now lukewarm tea. She unexpectedly laughs, hand covering her mouth. "Oh I'm so excited for what's going to come next! I've been watching you for so long, I was getting tired."

Pompon sits on Y/n Cookie's lap, chirping as it munches on the biscuits (Americans not the bread, I mean crackers). It chuckles at their horrified expression.

"You know, Pompon loves your scared expressions, almost as much as I do! I love them so much, you're like a scared little cat~" She takes a sip of her tea, staring into the deep brown liquid. "I've watched you for a year now, and today is the anniversary."

She takes the teapot, pouring a drink into another teacup. She slides it over to Y/n Cookie, smiling with madness. "Here have some tea, I brewed it to a flavour you love."

They awkwardly stare at the cup, confused on what they should do.

"Oh silly me! Your mouth is taped! Oh well, you can drink this after you adjust to your new home...Our home."

The record continues to play, the lyrics bouncing off the walls; "We're sorry skeletons, you're so misunderstood."

————————————————

I love my best girl, her aestheic is just perfect. I’m planning to get another request done today so hope this keeps you entertained while I do so.

- Celina

#cookie run #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere cookie run #cookie run kingdom #yandere pumpkin pie cookie #pumpkin pie cookie

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faithdevotion · 1 year

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@xheathcnx plotted starter [javi/polly ft. emir]

The hickeys on Polly's skin didn't vanish easily, and a higher amount of powder mixed with base cream was needed to cover them for the night event she'd attend. A week passed since the yacht getaway with Javi, and if one of his objectives was aimed towards making those two days unforgettable for her, it was achieved. Being unable to walk properly for two days after that, along with the marks left on her skin and the lewd moments they had with both alcohol and drugs involved, were impossible to forget. He made sure to remind her that when their gazes met at the club or whenever they were alone at his office for an hour before her shift ended.

With two nights off, her friend Sophia arranged a night out at the Diamond's Strip Club with both her and her former boss, Andrew, with a masquerade theme. It was the first time she was visiting a strip club that wasn't her workplace, so she was curious about what that particular strip club offered. With an elegant mask to conceal her face, her blonde hair in an updo and a tight black dress, she walked into the club holding her clutched purse in one hand, gaze behind the mask searching for the booth both her friends were at. The atmosphere was pleasant, fitting to the event. As soon as she found the two in a booth, she walked over to them and waved her hand at them before kissing both of them on the cheek. She sat down beside Andrew, opening her purse and pulling out her phone.

"Well, hot damn, girl." Sophia's gaze widened at Polly, eyes falling on the sight of the dress. "You're all for killing tonight!" She grinned wickedly, taking a sip of the rum she ordered. "I already went ahead ordering us drinks. The bartender is a hottie, I'll tell you that." Andrew rolled his eyes at Sophia's comment. While Sophia spoke, Polly offered her a smile and shook her head as she typed a text to Javi.

[text: Javier 🖤]: I hope working too much is not killing you. xx

The trio exchanged laughs, drinking and cigarettes as they spoke, with both Andrew and Polly occasionally speaking about her work and giving opinions on the strip club they were both in. During such moments, Polly got up to ask for more drinks over at the bar. Sophia eventually brought up the idea of playing Truth or Dare, which aimed to make things interesting. She flipped a coin for that, with her and Andrew getting Truth and Polly getting Dare. "Alright, one truth. I had sex twice this week." Sophia began and pointed her finger at Andrew. "I almost killed a fucker that planned to betray me the other day." Polly cocked her head to a side, brow arching at the two. "So Sophia is always about sex, and you're always about killing aside from owning a strip club. Change your activities for one week, please." She crossed a leg over the other, pursing lips and mentally thinking how she was lucky she didn't get Truth. Sophia narrowed her eyes at her behind the mask she was wearing, crossing her arms over her chest. "Fine, you devil. I know you're not so innocent even if you seem to be, so I'll dare you to ask the hottie bartender out or, ask him to dance with you at this club right now."

"Who's the devil now?" Andrew cut in, gaze diverting towards Sophia, raising a brow at the brunette. "Trust me, you and I know she's a devil when she wants to be. She's our blondie devil. Besides, she's a hottie. He'll accept, you'll see." Sophia leaned back against her seat, a sly smirk spreading across her lips. Polly snorted at the comment, placing her clutched purse on the table next to the drinks and getting up from her seat. "Asking someone to dance is easy, Sophia. I won't do the first thing for reasons." There were hints thrown about being exclusive to Javi only on that aspect. As she reached the bar, her hands slowly slid down her frame hugged by her tight dress, soon resting on her hips. Her gaze studied the surrounding atmosphere, hips slowly rolling to the rhythm of the song being played. As the bartender approached her behind the bar, her hues met his own and her gaze slightly widened at how striking his eyes were; matching her own, ocean coloured orbs. Even behind a mask, anyone could spot the intensity of blue eyes. She leaned against the bar, a smile decorating her pink plump lips. Her index finger beckoned him to lean forward, so she could lean into his ear to speak to him. "I can tell you must be a bit bored serving drinks all night..." Her smile widened, still being taken aback by his eyes. "Dance with me. I'm getting the impression you're a good dancer, just like you're good with drinks."

#xheathcnx #threads: polly #re: polly x javi.#( you don't have to match my length lovely #I got carried away since it's the intro hahah )#( and the secondary characters are two of my muses as well heh )

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adamwatchesmovies · 1 year

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Shrek 2 (2004)

If there's a kind of movie that's rarer than a good sequel, it's a good sequel to a comedy. That alone makes Shrek 2 noteworthy. Better looking and funnier than the first, this follow-up is a must-see.

Newlyweds Shrek (voiced by Mike Myers) and Fiona (Cameron Diaz) return from their honeymoon to find an invitation from Fiona’s parents, who live in the kingdom of Far Far Away. As Shrek predicted, King Harold (John Cleese) and Queen Lillian (Julie Andrews) are shocked by their green-skinned son-in-law and their daughter’s appearance as an ogress. With the Fairy Godmother (Jennifer Saunders) under the assumption that her son, Prince Charming (Rupert Everett), would be marrying Fiona and King Harold none too pleased with the situation, an assassin (Antonio Banderas) is sent to deal with Shrek and his friend Donkey (Eddie Murphy).

Visually, Shrek 2 blows Shrek out of the water. It's a little shocking, actually. The human characters, in particular, look much better but it's more than just that. Peel your eyes away from the foreground and you’ll see many subtle jokes thrown in the background: funny book titles, posters on the walls, and more. There’s always something on-screen to keep you laughing.

Over and over, Shrek 2 displays perfect comedic timing. A joke will lead into another and then come back with a snap that catches you off-guard. There are so many great, quotable, memorable moments you’d be tempted to list them all but then you’d be simply writing a synopsis of the whole movie. These are not cheap, throwaway gags either. They tell you about the relationship between Shrek, Donkey, Fiona and her parents. They serve double duty by advancing the story and the same can be said about the songs. The soundtrack is no mere collection of top-10 hits; they have been carefully selected to establish the mood, make you laugh and emphasize what you see on-screen. You can feel and hear the enthusiasm the cast and crew had for Shrek 2 in every frame.

It's now time to address the film’s one flaw: the pop culture references. Spider-Man, The Fellowship of the Ring, Alien, The Wizard of Oz, Garfield, Cops… the list goes on. Some will say it gives this great film a limited shelf life. Let me counter with this: from the beginning, Shrek has been built on comedic references. Did the first picture explain who Robin Hood was? Did we pause to clarify why there were three blind mice, or a wolf dressed up in ladies’ pajamas? Anyone unfamiliar with the Grimm Brothers’ fairy tales will see dozens of jokes fly over their heads. Why criticize the film for having a mix of winks to old and new stories? The gags are still funny whether you get every aspect of them or not and they come so quickly that it doesn't even matter. Alternatively, if you don’t get the Zorro reference, go watch The Mask of Zorro!

Shrek is so good, so funny and full of so many good moments you almost don’t want to say Shrek 2 is even better. You feel as though saying you like this sequel more than the first will diminish the success of the first. Let’s just say they’re both the best. It’s a perfect choice for the whole family and with time, you only grow to appreciate it more. (On Blu-ray, March 22, 2019)

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hotchs-second-wife · 2 years

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One Chicago Spin-off, but its their kids - Rewrite

The amount of stupidity feel right now. I already made this post and it was in my drafts, and my dumb ass deleted it when I went to edit it- anyway, if you couldn't tell, I deleted all of my old One Chicago Kids content because I'm rewriting it! So, here we go;

Kelly's still the chief, but he's the chief of Firehouse 28, where his daughter and only child is the squad lieutenant.

Homegirl following in his footsteps.

And of course, Kelly and Stella named her Leslie.

Lieutenant Leslie Severide. I love it.

ANYWAY- Casey's kid also followed in his dad's footsteps and became the captain of 28.

His name would probably be Andrew, or Andy for short.

Andrew and Leslie having the same dynamics as their dads.

Fire captain that gets in harms way pretty much every shift, his squad lieutenant best friend getting his ass out of danger again.

Leslie being an only child and Andrew having three sisters and two brothers.

Casey and Brett be having children left and right-

STELLA WOULD SPOIL HER GIRL SM I SWEAR-

No because Kelly would too.

28 being friends with the new-ish Intelligence Unit.

I use the term new-ish bc idk what else to use.

Like, Adam, Hailey, Kevin and Kim are probably still there, but they'd have new members - perhaps someone's kid?

Introducing Detective Patrick Gregory Halstead.

Named after his grandfather and dad's best friend for obvious reasons.

I JUST IMAGINE WILL BEING LIKE "what about me?" TO JAY-

Patrick and Leslie re-enacting their dad's moment where Kelly helped Jay find the guy that caused the apartment building fire (that was why, right??), but obviously for some other reason.

Hailey finding them and calling Stella, like "they've done it again."

All Stella can say to her daughter is "you are so much like your father sometimes" or "you definitely have your father's personality."

Same, Leslie-

BACK TO MY POINT-

I kid you not, if we got a scene where Kelly is seen accidentally encouraging Leslie to break the rules and Stella having to tell her husband "no", I would die laughing.

Andrew and Leslie totally live together.

Cat person x dog person roommates

Turns out I didn't delete the last draft.

I posted it. Like an idiot.

ANYWAY-

The amount of times Kelly has to call his captain and squad lieutenant into his office is insane.

He'd look at Andrew after he (Andrew) did something stupid like "you know your parents are going to ask me about this" and then turns to his daughter and says "your mother won't be too happy to find out that you lost a squad truck, Leslie."

"I know, Dad." "What?" "Yes, Chief." Kelly only makes his daughter repeat herself because Stella was coming to his office in her gear and all.

Stella starts scolding Leslie- "Do you know how much a squad truck costs?!" "I've never bought one...so, no."

"Leslie Sylvie Elizabeth Severide." "Dad, help-" "I'm just as scared of your mother as you are, kid. I'm just here because this is my office."

Leslie knows she messed up when her mother calls her by her full name.

Jay getting concerned about his son's safety during a case, so Kelly offers a place at his daughter's house.

Leslie genuinely doesn't care - Patty's her friend, after all.

He's also the only one who knows first aid.

Leslie and Andrew both work with paramedics. One, in which, is Andrew's little sister-

I'm in the middle of school writing this part and I'm not actually meant to be on my phone-

After the case, Leslie and Andrew would invite Pat to just live with them since the district is in between their house and the firehouse.

Pat coming home smelling like alcohol; he was dealing with an alcoholic drug dealer during the case and got alcohol thrown at him.

And yes, Jay essentially went ballistic on the guy because that's his son you're throwing an alcohol bottle at, man.

Andrew immediately smells it because he still has his sense of smell after being a firefighter for as many years as he has.

It takes Leslie a bit. Mostly because she'd be hyper focused on something else-

With both of her parents' genes, Leslie was definitely a leash kid.

Most definitely got it from Kelly.

I can imagine little bubba Leslie learning to walk, and the Severides are at the Caseys, everyone's expecting Leslie to go to Kelly or Stella, but instead she goes to Matt.

Kelly just standing there dumbfounded because he was calling to Leslie saying "come to Dadda" and the child went to her uncle/godfather instead of her father.

The girls are laughing their heads off and Matt is just trying to tell her he's not her dad.

She would start crying.

Kelly has literally put in his will that if something happened to him and Stella wasn't around, he trusts Matt to take care of Leslie.

So Matt's been in Leslie's life the entire time (mostly because he's her godfather) and she's gotten used to him being around.

Leslie going to Matt when she knows she's done something stupid, but she doesn't want to go to her parents-

Matt being like "you know your parents will find out sooner or later."

Speaking of godparents, Mouse being Patrick's godfather-

I just imagine Mouse's reaction to Patrick crying for the first time when Mouse finally meets his godson.

He starts panicking and Jay reassures him that Patrick cried when he (Jay) first held him too, and that Pat just needs time get used to him (Mouse).

I read a little fic by someone on here where Mouse met his and reader's child for the first time and the child started crying-

I read it at like 3 am and I started crying.

Back when Leslie was a toddler, Kelly and Stella bringing her to the house-

No bc Sylvie would bring Andrew and Boden would be nominated "Grandpa" after Andy or Leslie call him "Ganba"

Why do I feel like Leslie would be an aggressive little child? Like, if Andy or another kid stole her toy, her first instinct would be to smack 'em?

Ofc Kelly and Stella would raise her out of it-

Leslie going to school (like middle school and high school ig) with Patrick because Jay and Hailey wanted their son to have a friend at his school.

I feel as kids, Leslie and Pat wouldn't be very close because you know ONE of them would've played sports and other would've been busy studying like no tomorrow.

Leslie would've been more of a practical kid, ngl-

If Chicago was in Australia, Leslie would've done VCAL, Pat would've done VCE and Andrew would start with VCE, but then go into VCAL.

don't ask me what they mean because I don't remember.

and im doing vce, so-

WE JUST CALL THEM BY THEIR LETTERS- but if there's any Aussies that wanna clear up any possible confusion, go for it-

But they're not in Aus, so back to topic-

Andrew would've been a really smart kid, and he liked his studies but he'd hate how much theory he'd have to do.

He's the only one of the roommates who actually has a degree.

Leslie knew she was going to be a firefighter, so she didn't bother going to college.

Patrick travelled for a bit, then figured out he wanted to follow his parents' footsteps, even if his sister's didn't want to.

One of Jay's kids looking up to their Uncle Will and becoming a doctor because of him-

That'd be so sweet.

My uncle is a nurse, and I don't remember what the rest of my uncles do for a living tbh

I tried going down the nursing route, but not for me-

I wanna go to uni for criminology or psychology, maybe both-

I'M GETTING DISTRACTED AGAIN-

Jay and Hailey's kids being really close to their Uncle Will, but not so much their maternal uncles, just because I feel like Hailey's brothers are a little distant. Mostly because we haven't even got the name of one of them, much less met one-

Has Jay met one of his brother-in-laws? Or his mother-in-law?

...hailey has a mother, right-? i for sure heard somewhere that she has a mother-

Anyway- yeah, Pat and his sisters being close to their Uncle Will and Will having to babysit sometimes.

"Keep an eye on him." "You know I will." "I was talking to Patrick."

Jay thoroughly believing that his son isn't the one who drags his brother into trouble, but it totally is-

No- i just imagined little Patrick seeing either Jay all bruised and cut up from a case and him asking in a little kid voice "daddy, are you okay?"

I MELT-

MEN WITH KIDS GETS ME-

Ik its the bare minimum for men to take care of their kids, but i didn't see a lot of that growing up, so it's so adorable to me.

Don't get me started when the dads come in with their toddlers and play with them a little 🥹

Patrick being exactly that as a detective-

He's working on a case, where he's talking to young parents when their kid waddles in and starts playing with the cuffs of his pants.

And he starts playing with the kid- 🥹

Oh, and I know Matt and Sylvie broke up. Lets just say that maybe they got back together after Matt came back to Chicago

Anyway-

I'll probably leave it at this, because its so long already. I will have their names and ages at the bottom, the colours corresponding with their job (pd, fire, paramed, med, other)

Kids Names and Ages

Youngest -> Oldest

Andrew and Heather's sisters - 15yo and 18yo

Patrick's youngest sister - 19-20yo

Heather Nancy Casey - 20yo

Patrick's sister - 21-22yo

Leslie Sylvie Elizabeth Severide - 23yo

Andrew Kelly Casey - 24yo

Patrick Gregory Halstead - 27yo

Patrick's older sister - 29-31yo

#chicago pd #chicago fire #chicago med #one chicago #one chicago kids #kelly severide #jay halstead

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braidedjanes · 1 year

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Houston TX

By Andrew Doyle

After another great trip to perform for the Corazon Migrante Tour in Houston, Texas, I wanted to share a little about our experience.

After some unexpected fees and a damaged amp during our last trip together in Nogales, Arizona in March, we decided to rent some of our equipment from a Guitar Center in Houston, not far from our hotel. It was a good dose of relief knowing we didn't have to travel with as much this time around and it was probably a little cheaper in the end too.

We had rented a car at the airport and after a long time in line we drove straight to the hotel to unload our luggage and instruments.The weather was beautiful and we were ready to indulge in some good southern cooking. Juny's long-time friend Raul who lives in the Houston area had recommended a place we could meet up for a crawfish boil and maybe a beer or two. That sounded amazing to me, but I was trying to hide my enthusiasm.

When we arrived, and met up with Raul there were some big hugs being thrown around and we quickly got to having some good laughs and ate until we couldn't move.

Juny picked up her cajon after lunch and we went back to the hotel to freshen up. Still full, we met back up with Raul in an old town called The Heights (? - must confirm town and place) for a few Old Fashions and more good laughs. The service was outstanding and made us feel right at home. I think any gitters I had from being away from home and in a big city like Houston were officially evaporated at that point.

When we got back to the hotel we ran through our set, as much as we could; as we didn't have my amp yet and we were trying not to wake the people in the rooms next door.

After a much-needed sleep, I took the car to pick up my rental amp and when I got back we set out to find a place nearby to get some lunch. We had found a place online but quickly realized that we wouldn't have time to drive there and back and be ready to leave the hotel for soundcheck, so we kept driving in hopes that we would find something good to eat as it would likely be our last meal until after our show.

We soon stumbled upon a restaurant called El Muelle and as we walked in I saw a bowl of soup that caught my eye. I had never seen anything like it before and knew I had to try it. It was called Mariscada de Centro America, a seafood soup in a creamy curry broth that was to die for. It was as good as the Albondigas de Camaron I had in Nogales, Arizona. I was truly in heaven. I also had tried their Coctele Vida which had squid, shrimp and raw oysters; that was so fantastic too.

Still smiling from an amazing meal, we went back to the hotel to get ready for our show. While driving back we realized we still needed to get the PA speaker Raul had offered to loan us for the show and we were running out of time. Getting around Houston quickly is no easy task. At the point we thought we would just have to make due with the amp the Consulate said they had for us. Not long after that realization, Raul showed up at the hotel with the PA speaker! So we didn't have to drive across town to get and didn't have to rely on a speaker we hadn't seen yet. This was the MVP move of the trip. Without Raul dropping everything he was doing at that moment and bringing us the PA speaker before we were to leave for soundcheck, I don't know if we would have had a show quite honestly.

When we got to the Consulate building we were a bit awed by how beautiful the inside of the building was and how it felt like we were up in the trees as the windows on both sides of the building showed mostly just trees and light coming in. The art was up on the wall and sculptures were displayed on clean white wooden pedestals throughout the space. There was a great aura and vibe there as everyone was warm and friendly as usual at these events.

We got set up and did a quick soundcheck. My cousins Amy and Jonathan and his girlfriend Nikki all live in Houston and were able to come see our show. Jessica's cousin Lizette lives there too and she and her family were there as well. Seeing your family and friends at a show when you're so far from home is an amazing feeling; we're so grateful for them making it and for being so supportive of us. They made it almost impossible not to have a great show.

It felt so good to play for such a great audience and to be a part of the Migrante Tour and mission. I love Mexican culture and the people so much!

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damnedparker · 2 years

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hi, could you write tasm!peter x reader where reader is related to gwen, like when he shows up at gwen’s house and sees reader, something like!

please and thank you <3

you got it, bud! this is the first time i've written for a req, i hope it turned out alright!!! it's a little short but i also wrote a part two so if anyone wants that let me know. i might post it anyway :')

sweet pea

pairing: tasm (andrew garfield) peter parker x stacy!reader (reader is gwen's older sister by 1 year (all of you are in high school); gender neutral; no y/n) warnings: a lot of flirting. peter and the reader being all shy & stuff. one slight innuendo. gwen and peter are best friends but have no romantic interest in one another. summary: peter parker. your sister's friend, who seems to have an affinity for spider-man, and, for some reason, can't take his eyes off you.

“Hey, have you seen my—” Your eyes just about fell out of your head when you walked into your younger sister’s room, seeing a boy standing there with her. A very cute boy that gave you the most charmingly awkward wave. You had known she invited a friend to dinner, but you never heard anyone knock on the front door. Gwen’s eyes widened and she started waving her hands wildly, something you knew meant please do not say anything. You shut the door behind you and lowered your voice. “Jeez, Gwen, I thought I was the rebellious older sibling, but you have boys climbing through your window, huh?” Your sister squeezed her eyes shut in frustration and let out a loud sigh, gesturing the boy still standing awkwardly next to her.

“This is Peter. Peter, this is my older sibling,” she introduced you, your name coming out with an uncomfortable smile. Peter pushed his messy hair off his forehead nervously, throwing you another grin. Oh no, he was pretty. Little did you know he was having just about the same thought process as you at that moment when you nervously shoved your hands in your back pockets, eyes going anywhere but his.

You weren’t sure what you interrupted, but it didn’t seem like what a typical teenage boy would climb into a girl’s bedroom for. Seemed more… panicky. And Gwen had never mentioned Peter in any way that would make you think they were dating. Still, as the older sibling, you simply could not let this go.

“Well, I was just going to ask if you’d seen my phone, but clearly you are busy,” you grabbed the doorknob behind you, beginning to back out of the door before your next sentence got projectiles thrown at you. “Mom said dinner is ready. Use protection!” The soft thud against the door told you that she had, indeed, thrown something after you. You snickered to yourself as you headed back to your bedroom.

“You never told me you had an older sibling,” Peter said as soon as the door shut, taking a seat on Gwen’s bed as she still stood there in shock. He couldn’t get your face out of his head. You were gorgeous.

“You never asked,” she retorted. “They just like to embarrass me.”

“I dunno about that, I think it’s flattering that they’d think I’d ever have the guts to date you.” He grinned in jest, earning a smack to his shoulder.

“Oh, shut up, Peter,” Gwen scoffed, laughing so he knew it was all in good fun. “Let’s go before they rat us out for taking too long.”

It was a joy for you to watch Peter meet your parents for the first time, especially when Gwen had to fumble through an excuse as to where he even appeared from. The whole time Peter just smiled in the most uncomfortable, yet still the most amazingly endearing and handsome way you’d seen. When he wasn’t contributing to the conversation at the dinner table or snickering with Gwen, he seemed to always be looking over at you. It was almost a game, flicking your eyes away quickly whenever those brown doe eyes glanced over at you. At one point, you both looked at each other at the same time, and you felt like your stomach was about to fly out of your body.

Dinner seemed to be going without too much strain, and you had hoped, in vain, that you had escaped the school related questions when there was a guest at the table. Yet, just like every other damn night, your father looked you dead in the eye and asked about the project you had been working on in your art classes. It was your senior year, so, since you had the opportunity, you had taken multiple art courses. It was something you were passionate about, and considering going to college for, so naturally, you indulged. And it was far easier to get a high grade in, so that never hurt either. But that didn’t mean you enjoyed talking about your art to your parents. It always ended in embarrassment one way or another.

“What are you doing all those studies on again? Beetles?” Your dad tried to recall, failing. You sighed, poking at your food half-heartedly.

“Spiders,” you reminded him. “I have to do a multi-page study on different species of spiders.”

“Ah,” your father commented. You could hear the lilt in his voice that let you know he was about to change the subject to a mild lecture. “Appropriate. As if New York needed another spider problem.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, nearly in sync with Gwen as he started up again. “That’s one spider that needs anything but studying.”

“I mean,” a smirk quirked up the corner of your mouth as you looked down at your plate, preparing for the retaliation to your next comment. “That’s one spider I wouldn’t mind studying up close and personal.” You almost flinched in preparation for the indignant yell of your name, but instead all you heard was an inhale and coughing fit coming from Peter. You looked up in surprise, seeing him red-faced and trying to catch his breath. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, just,” his voiced cracked as he tried to clear his throat. All he came up with as an excuse was a meager explanation of what he’d swallowed whole. “Sweet pea.”

Gwen patted his shoulder awkwardly, trying to hold back a laugh herself. You sent him an amused smile of sympathy, which he returned, the tips of his ears turning pink. It set a whirlwind of butterflies free in your stomach which you pushed down by shoving another forkful of mashed potatoes in your mouth.

The rest of dinner was full of a strangely defensive debate about Spider-Man from Peter’s side, and an incredulous offense from your father. Thankfully Gwen was able to interrupt before it got too heated, beginning to take everyone’s now emptied plates to the kitchen with the help of your mom who was also eager to escape the heated topic. Your dad excused himself to the bathroom, your brothers to the television, leaving you and Peter alone in the dining room. There was a bout of silence before he spoke first, casting you a smirking look with a mischievous glint in his warm brown eyes.

“So, Spider-Man huh?”

“It’s, uh, quite the topic in this house,” you nodded, tracing a scratch along the wood of the table. “My dad is very… passionate about it.”

“I can tell.”

“So are you, it seems,” you raised an eyebrow. A teasing lilt found its way into your voice. “Got a crush, sweet pea?” Peter’s entire face went red, and you enjoyed it far too much. Cutest tomato you’d ever laid eyes on. Somehow, he managed to keep his cool.

“Sounds like you do,” he wiggled his eyebrows at you. It was your turn to blush.

“He just… seems cool,” was all you managed to get out. All in a stammering fashion as well. “If not a spandex-covered superhero, who is it you have a crush on? Gwen?”

“No, nooo,” he shook his head, laughing a little. It seemed like he was being completely honest, as if it was something he’d tackled previously. When he looked up at you next, with that glint in his eye and the corners of his mouth perking upwards in a smile, you wanted to melt into the floor. “But I think there might be someone else.”

#requests #my fics #peter parker x reader #tasm!peter parker x reader #tasm!peter parker fluff #ag!peter parker x reader #andrew garfield peter parker x reader #andrew garfield!peter parker x reader #peter parker fluff #peter parker oneshot

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thebusylilbee · 2 years

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I didn’t like No Way Home either. I didn’t really like it at all. I found a really good article that explains the flaws with the movie: collider*com/spider-man-no-way-home-spoiler-review/

Ooooh thank you for sharing that article with me anon, I love shitting on this vastly overrated film ! "Spider-Man: No Way Home largely feels like bad fan-fic" yep yep yep, it feels like something written by the most uninspired teenager ever, with tons of meme references forcefully inserted into the blandest story because who cares about substance as long as we can wink at the audience to make them laugh, right ? the important part is that the public can go "omg he repeated 'I'm something of a scientist myself' so funny haha !!!" or "oh yeah Tobey Maguire is repeating 'you're amazing' because Andrew Garfield's movies were called The Amazing Spider-man haha, get it ?! get it ?! it's not cringy I swear" like truly the writers are geniuses...

Not to mention the Daredevil cameo played in the most idiotic way possible because super-protective-of-his-secret-identity Matt Murdock is apparently dumb enough to bother catching a brick (thrown inhumanely fast at a window on the last floors of a high building btw ?! the Hulk must be the culprit) when it was targeted at a superhuman who could have stopped it just fine with no injuries. okay... logic and coherence deserve to be sacrificed for a wink at the audience, that's the rule !

And don't get me started on Electro's little "I thought you'd be black" moment which was the laziest and weirdest way to hint at Miles Morales ever. We already saw Miles' uncle in Homecoming and it was years ago, and fucking nothing since ! give us something bigger and better written than "*wink wink wink* where is the black spidey lol", like actually introduce Miles Morales or at the very least his uncle again or shut the hell up !

But the worst reference has to be aunt May saying "with great power comes great responsibility" after so many years, when Peter already expressed this exact same idea during his first scene with Tony Stark... What a way to show that no character development happened since ! As the article says "you could stroll into No Way Home having never seen Homecoming or Far From Home and not have missed anything important about who Peter is as a character. He doesn’t grow between movies as much as he’s just got a different conflict, and it’s a conflict that frequently overshadows his personal stakes." But it's the movie of the decade right 🤪🤪🤪

The very foundations of this movie are weak as hell too. In the comics the erasure of people's memories is done by Mephisto, a literal demon, who does not care about fucking up with people's minds and lives, and it's done when Peter feels cornered and desperate because people are coming after his family now that his identity is public and aunt May just got killed ! It was still a stupid decision in the comics but at least he had a good reason to panic ! But in the film Peter decides to mess with humanity's memory because of... FUCKING M.I.T. ??? Are you kidding me ?!! What a privileged moron !!! And grown ass adult Dr Strange thinks that's a good reason to mess with innocent people's lives ??? Unreal. Absolutely unreal and completely immoral. Garbage story telling. Beyond stupid characters.

Also the article makes a GREAT point here: "the notion that Peter feels compelled to “save” [the villains] doesn’t feel rooted in anything because, again, the MCU Peter Parker isn’t rooted in anything. He loves the people in his life, but nothing that’s happened so far says that Peter feels like he must save supervillains, especially when he didn’t seem too broken up about Mysterio’s death. It’s not so much that I believe Peter would be indifferent as much as it’s a dramatic inconsistency in the way he’s written across this series." Like for real, why didn't they exploit Peter's trauma of having to fight people and watch them die ? Why is Peter not traumatized by his near death experiences (and real death with the blip) and the people he couldn't save ??? THAT would have helped explain his irrationality in No Way Home ! But god forbid we have emotions other than "i'm kinda sad that Tony Stark is gone" in our marvel movies !!!

And the visuals don't save any of it. As the article says "No Way Home solidifies for me that [Jon Watts] is a deeply uninteresting filmmaker." Totally agree. The action scenes were generic as hell, like how many times are we going to get a bland fight scene on a bridge good god, enough is enough. There isn't a single iconic shot in this film and the colors are fuck ugly, the last half hour is exactly as described in the article: "brown-grey dishwater".

In conclusion: "is this all movies are supposed to be ? Is it nothing more than recognizing the thing ? [...] The only point of No Way Home is to make the audience nod and smile at the things they recognize before the film ends." This film is soulless.

#no way home #anti no way home #marvel #mcu #spider man #peter parker #bee tries to talk #opinion #ask #anonymous #***

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young-dumb-and-vaccinated · 3 years

Text

A Deafened Bard (Stephen Strange x Female!Reader)

I can explain.

Please don't come at me for starting a new project before finishing Cult Girl Doctorate. I hit a wall and needed to take a break. I am trying not to let this one take up too much time.

Y/n is a sorceress-in-training who’s known for being hard to teach. Sensing her potential, Doctor Strange takes her on as an apprentice.

You firmly believed that shattering the urn of Fei-Amie was the best thing that ever happened to you.

It happened a year ago, but it still replayed in your head over and over again. You made a conscious effort to remember it vividly.

Sure, it was terrifying, Stephen Strange's initial look of anger when he heard the ceramic shatter. It softened when he saw that the culprit was just a clumsy sorceress-in-training who looked on the verge of tears with remorse. Still, it was a face you never wanted to see again: his teeth bared, his already sharp features accentuated under the constraints of anger.

It diluted into silent, simmering frustration that revealed itself to you in short sarcastic jabs and body language.

"Just, stop." He cut you off after a string of profuse sorries. With no disarming smile in sight, you could tell he was tense. "Artifacts get broken all the time. Don't cry. It was an accident."

His tone indicated that he was trying to convince himself more than he was you. You were a closed-off person and could hardly stand the idea that anyone out there didn't like you. The idea of the Sorcerer Supreme being mad at you, personally, made you briefly consider ritual suicide. You lowered your head. "Yes, Master Strange."

"Hey, butterfingers." He called out after you as you tried to make a painless exit. You looked back at him and he gestured to the pile of broken ceramic pieces. "You gonna fix what you broke?"

It hadn't dawned on you that an ancient relic could be fixed. Especially one that once contained the ashes of the ancient necromancer Fei-Amie. You were embarrassed to say that your knowledge of manipulating time was surface-level at best, and couldn't think of any other solution.

You wordlessly gathered the pieces up in your skirt and carried them off, striking out any plans to go into town that evening. Instead, you poured through book after book for any instruction whatsoever on repairing broken artifacts. You ran out of desk space, so books were just floating in the air, suspended on pages that briefly mentioned relic breakage.

You started to believe you were given an impossible task. Or perhaps all the resources you needed, he was withholding. Even so, you didn't want to go back to him empty-handed. You changed into your street clothes and opened a portal to the local craft store.

You returned with two types of extra-strong superglue and got to work. First, you made all the pieces come together and had them hover over the desk. Unconsciously, you began to sing as you pieced the urn back together.

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels

Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things

"Haven't heard that song in years."

You dropped the tube of glue and the few remaining pieces fell back to the desk. "Master Strange!"

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." He said, though his apology was undercut by his smug tone. "Carry on."

You picked up a piece and began to line the edges with glue.

"Aren't you going to finish the song?"

You looked up to see that he hadn't been just passing by. He was leaning against the threshold, watching you.

"I don't usually sing for an audience." You laughed, uncomfortably. "Just me."

"A man and his sentient cape should not count as an audience," he scoffed. "But, if you insist, I guess I'll have to just listen to Julie Andrews instead."

"What's wrong with her?" You raised your eyebrows in surprise.

"Oh, nothing. She's a treasure." He put his hands up. "But everyone gets to hear her sing. And I take it that only a very select few get to hear your rendition of my favorite things. I just have to be one of them."

You blushed, suddenly forgetting all the words to my favorite things.

"Girls in white dresses..." he offered, an impatient edge to it.

You swallowed. "Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes. Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes-"

"Hey, butterfingers." He interrupted again. Before you could object, he pointed to the way that the pieces floated gracefully overhead at the sound of your voice.

"I'd like to see Julie Andrews do that." He said with a wink.

"Looks alright," Master Strange said, running his finger along the tight seams that showed where cracks once were.

"Will it still work?" You asked. That was really all you were worried about.

"Beats the hell out of me." He shrugged. "I didn't know how to use it to begin with."

"What?!" You spat back. "Are you kidding?"

"I'm afraid not." He said, taking the urn and placing it back on its pedestal. "Don't worry, you did a good job. I'm not mad at you anymore."

That was really all you needed to hear. "Thank you, sir."

"You're an apprentice, right?" He asked.

"I'm..." Your voice trailed off in embarrassment. "Between masters right now."

He raised an eyebrow. "If I were to ask around, would I receive glowing reviews from your last masters?"

You admitted it point-blank. "No."

"Let me guess," he folded his arms. "Something didn't make sense to you and instead of giving you the space to question it, they insisted you follow blindly."

You wanted to throw your head back and shout in relief; finally, someone understood!

"Bingo, bullseye." You put your hands up in surrender after being read so easily. "Right on the money."

"I see." He said, tucking that thought away for later. "Could I trouble you for one more odd job before you go?"

"That depends." You folded your arms. "What is it?"

He looked over his shoulder at his cape. "How are you with sewing?"

‘Sewing' was not the verb you would use to describe repairing the tears in the Cloak of Levitation. It was taller and stronger than you and it did not want to be repaired. It was closer to performing surgery on a fully grown mountain lion that could rip your head off at any minute.

"Like putting eyeshadow on a cat," Master Strange said. It flicked its edge contemptuously, while still clinging to his shoulders for dear life. "I'm a licensed surgeon and it won't let me within 20 feet of it with a needle."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." You said, thoroughly discouraged. All he'd given you to work with was a spool of thread and a pack of needles.

He tried with sincere force to remove the cloak, but it wouldn't budge. "Of course, now it knows you're coming at it with the sewing kit and it won't leave my shoulders."

"Maybe I can work with that?" You shrugged. You threaded the needle and hid it in your hand.

You approached the cloak, only for it to shove Master Strange in your way like a human shield.

"Listen, you naughty little blanket." He scolded, turning around to face it as if it were a puppy that had just wrecked the living room. "If you don't let her fix you, you're going in the washing machine. Extra spin."

It shuddered, and, for a moment, you thought it was going to comply. You slowly took a step forward, only for it to dart as soon as your foot hit the ground. It made its escape with a large crash through the heavy wooden doors of the library.

"Hey!" You shouted, chasing after it. "Get back here!"

You caught a glimpse of it headed towards the relic room, so, without thinking, you opened a portal to make it there first. You reached it only seconds before the cloak breached the threshold, with only enough time to grab it by the edge.

"Come here!" You exclaimed, giving it a full force tug. It tugged back, overpowering you to the tenth degree. It dragged you across the room and into the foyer. You yanked on it, only for it to escape from your grip and send you flying back into the wall. You wondered for a second how such a sturdy piece of fabric could possibly be in need of maintenance.

"Bastard." You mumbled, rubbing the spot where your head collided with the wall. The pain didn't stop you, though. You were on your feet within seconds, pursuing the naughty blanket all over again.

You heard the words of one of your many, many masters ringing in your ears; "never outrun what you can outsmart". Or maybe that was from a Garfield comic. Either way, whether or not you could outsmart the cloak was still unknown, but you had to at least try.

You took a second to catch your breath and tried to remember where you saw it heading next. Downstairs, you thought. To the laundry room. The one place you would never look.

You slowly but deliberately descended the stairs to the basement where the laundry was. You turned the light on and saw overturned baskets of towels, clothes, and sheets everywhere. And then a washing machine door slammed shut. You turned your head and saw a twinge of dark red hiding in the washing machine.

You removed your shoes and socks to minimize noise, then picked up a fitted sheet that had been thrown on the ground. You mounted the washing machine and affixed the sheet to the front. The cloak would have to come shooting out the door, and you would ambush it.

You forced the door open with your heel, holding the sheet like a giant net. As predicted, the cloak shot out like a bullet from a gun, getting caught in the sheet. It thrashed around aimlessly, trying to escape, but you had a tight grip and it wasn't going anywhere.

"It's curtains for you!" You said, then laughed at your own joke. "Stop struggling!"

It flailed and fought, but eventually ran out of energy and sunk to the ground. Not trusting it quite yet, you pinned it down with your whole body weight before releasing it from the sheet. As expected, it tried to fly away, but couldn't get anywhere.

"The less you fight, the faster this will go." You said, examining the fabric for any visible tears. The rip presented itself right away. About as long as your hand, right in the center.

"What did Strange do to you?" You asked, pulling the threaded needle from your pocket. "Hold still, I'm going to fix it."

Once the needle hit fabric, the cloak stopped trying to fly away and instead writhed about on the floor like it was about to die. You fixed the tear with as many stitches as you could make, then pulled it shut. Once you knew the thread was secure, you rolled off the cloak and let it fly free.

It shot up, but froze, noticing something was different. It swished itself around, unaccustomed to the feeling of air not blowing right through its center.

"You're welcome." You said with a shrug. "It's not like I had to chase you all around the sanctum to make it happen."

Without any warning, the cloak scooped you up and squeezed you. Your initial reaction was that this was its revenge and you were taking your final breaths, but you could tell it was gratitude by the way it gently set you down on the ground.

"Happy to help." You gasped for air. "Just remember this feeling if I ever have to do this again."

"Not bad, butterfingers." Master Strange told you, though the tone of his voice conveyed he was impressed beyond a simple 'not bad'.

"Not bad?" You protested. "I absolutely crushed it."

He ran his finger down the uneven but sturdy stitching. When his face met yours again, he was smiling with genuine enthusiasm that managed to eek through his dry, sarcastic exterior. It came out as an admittedly very handsome sideways smirk as his eyes scanned you up and down.

“If you don’t need anything else, I’ll get out of your hair now.” You said, heading towards the open doors.

“Wait.” The doors slammed shut before you could reach them. You turned around to see Master Strange still examining the stitching. "You wouldn't leave without tea, would you?"

A pot of chai tea sat between you, filling the air with an aroma of spicy vanilla. You held the teacup in both hands, determined to never give him a reason to reinforce the "butterfingers" nickname he'd become so fond of.

"Chai is my favorite." You said, letting the scent waft into your nose. "Yerba mate used to be my favorite, but if I drink more than two pots of it I get sick."

"Yeah, definitely don't do that." He chuckled, bobbing his teabag up and down in the cup. "Out of curiosity, are you wondering at all why I invited you to tea?"

"Oh, definitely." You nodded. "I was just wondering about that."

"Would you believe it's just because I find you interesting?" He raised an eyebrow. "Good company, perhaps?"

"Interesting? Absolutely." You agreed. "Good company is debatable."

"I can't believe I never thought to trap the cloak in the washing machine." He rested his chin in his hand. "It seems so obvious now."

"If it makes you feel any better," you shrugged. "It was mostly dumb luck and reckless disregard for my own life, considering it almost threw me off the balcony.”

He glared at the cloak. “What did I tell you about trying to kill our guests?”

It lowered its collar shamefully in his direction.

“Don’t apologize to me!” He scolded. “Apologize to her.”

It turned to face you and repeated the somber motion.

“It’s okay.” You shrugged. “My family adopted a retired army German Shepherd growing up. I’m used to high-strung creatures that could end my life at any second.”

“Well, rest assured, butterfingers,” He said, leaning back in his chair. “This will never happen again.”

“I, uh-” You opened your mouth before you could even really pick up on the implication he was putting down. “Wasn’t aware that there would be a chance for it to happen again?”

“I suppose we should get down to brass tax, then.” He folded his hands in his lap. “How would you like to stay here?”

“Well-” You said, not wanting to come off as too enthusiastic, which you certainly were. “Not if it’s going to kill me-”

“If I could promise you that your life won’t be in constant danger, I would.” He cut you off. “But if you wanted safety, you wouldn’t have started studying the Mystic Arts.”

“Got me there.” You conceded, your made-up objection withering away. “What’s the catch?”

“No catch.” He shook his head. “I’ll help you train and in return, you help me preserve the integrity of the sanctum.”

“So an apprenticeship?” Your eyes widened. "Are you saying you want to take me on as an apprentice?"

“I know you’ve got bad associations with that title, but yes.” He answered. “If it brings back memories of your previous masters treating you like garbage, we can call it a ‘partnership’, if you’d like.”

Partners with the Sorcerer Supreme? You thought, butterflies materializing in your stomach.

"That sounds great, but-" You broke eye contact and fidgeted with your fingers. "I feel like I should disclose that it wasn't really all that one-sided. I am… notoriously hard to teach."

"And who told you that?" He tilted his head. "The ones who refused to teach you?"

You hadn't thought about it that way. "I guess."

"The way I see it, you've repaid your debt and are free to leave," he began. "But seeing how dutifully you reassembled that urn, wrangled my favorite piece of defiant outerwear, and how desperately this place is in need of some life, it might be a good idea to keep you around."

You put your hand over your chest to still your heart. "It would be an honor."

"Excellent." He nodded. "That saves me the trouble of having to convince you."

He brought you to a small but comfortable room with a bed and connected bathroom.

"There's plenty of closet space for all your clothes." He said, gesturing to an antique looking bureau set.

You dumped your duffel bag out on the bed, revealing the extent of your possessions. "Thanks, but this is all I've got."

"Travel light, huh?" He asked.

"Yeah, I moved around a lot growing up." You admitted. "Got no real roots and all that jazz."

"That changes now." He told you. "This is your home now so I want it to feel like it. Make the space your own."

“I don’t know how I can thank you for this.” You lowered your head, still feeling undeserving.

“Don’t thank me yet, butterfingers.” He chuckled. “I’ve been told I tend to be a little on the egotistical side. That I don’t work well with others.”

"It's actually [F/N], if you were curious." You said, sitting on the bed and folding your hands in your lap.

"Okay, [F/N]." he smiled. "You've been in and out of enough apprenticeships to know the drill. Early mornings, late nights. And I've got a laundry list of odd jobs for you that I'm too important to do."

"Naturally." You nodded. His dry self-awareness inspired a little confidence that he wouldn't be a complete tyrant.

"You did a good job today." He said, bluntly. "Thank you for your help. Keep it up and you'll make an invaluable addition to the sanctum."

You smiled downwards. "Thank you."

"Do you often sing when you're trying to focus?" He posited. "Just, as an aside."

You could tell the gears in his neurosurgeon's head were turning, undoubtedly trying to pin some kind of diagnosis on you as doctors were known to do.

“I guess it’s just a force of habit.” You admitted. “I used to play piano, so when I’m working with my hands, it just kind of happens. My last master was not happy about that.”

"Oh, screw him." He waved his hand dismissively. "He pissed away an opportunity to nurture a sorceress with a special gift for the sake of tradition. That's a mistake I won't make."

Special gift? You thought. Nobody who practiced the Mystic Arts had ever referred to anything you'd ever done as a 'gift'. Annoyance? sure. A symptom of ADHD? All the time. But 'gift'? That made it sound useful.

#stephen strange x reader #doctor strange #doctor strange x reader #stephen strange #doctor stephen strange #what if #what if marvel #doctor strange supreme

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knox-knocks · 3 years

Note

on a place of insecurity for the kiss prompt please

you got it my friend :-*

tw for body image self confidence issues

Andrew didn't know why he cared. It had never been an issue before. But as he took off his shirt and smoothed his hand down his chest to his stomach, he felt a twinge of - of something. It was unpleasant. Andrew didn't particularly enjoy it.

Andrew let his hand fall to his side as he eyed himself in the mirror for a few seconds longer. Then he grabbed the bottle of pills Betsy prescribed him and shook one of the tiny blue candies into the palm of his hand. He raised it to his mouth, and swallowed it dry.

The living room was a bustle of activity. Neil was on his hands and knees looking for his shoe under the couch and Kevin had his hands full of a suspicious green smoothie that he was trying to coax Neil into trying with him. He was ranting about the merits of protein powder and whatever the hell else he put in it. Andrew didn't know how he could stomach that on top of the breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast Kevin ate every morning, but he also didn't care enough to ask.

Neil lifted his head when Andrew sauntered into the room. Kevin didn't stop talking, but Neil simply ignored him. He was fully dressed for the gym, though his hair was still a wild mess. In his hand, he triumphantly clutched his missing shoe.

"Hey," Neil said. A smile pulled at the edge of his mouth, a perfect companion to his tussled curls. "Did you take your meds?"

Andrew nodded and bypassed Kevin on the way to the kitchen. He stole a piece of bacon off Kevin's plate and an untouched pancake off Neil's. Andrew knew Neil had left it for him, anyway.

The gym was a sordid affair. A mix up and a scheduling conflict meant the Foxes had to share the gym equipment with the football team. Andrew waited, annoyed, for his turn on the weights. He ran laps on the treadmill next to Neil until a bench opened up for Andrew to take. Andrew switched off his treadmill and inclined his head towards Neil. Without so much as slowing, Neil flashed five fingers at him and increased his speed.

Five minutes later, Neil joined him at the weights section of the gym to spot him. Andrew didn't miss the way Neil's eyes lingered on his chest and biceps as he did his first rep. Andrew focused on the pull and strain of his muscles as he pumped his usual two hundred pounds. Bit by bit, it erased his previous insecurity until it was little more than a buzz in the back of his mind. It didn't hurt that Neil was still watching with half-lidded eyes and a quiet hunger.

Andrew replaced the bar on the hooks and raised his eyebrows at Neil. "If I drop the bar on my neck and die because you were distracted, I'm haunting you," he told him.

Neil ruffled his fingers through Andrew's hair, scattering the sweaty strands in ten different directions and then smoothing them back down again. "I wouldn't let that happen."

Andrew huffed and laid back down on the bench. He completed four more reps and removed some of the weights for Neil to do a few sets before Wymack called an end to gym time.

"Hey, Andrew." Nicky had draped himself over the five pound weights, hand tucked under chin and hair pulled into a small bun at the back of his head. "Do you wanna go to Eden's tonight?"

"Pass," Andrew said.

"Oh, come on," Nicky whined. "Just because you and Kevin can't drink doesn't mean the rest of us can't. Neil?"

"Sorry," Neil said, tone unapologetic.

"Drink at your own place," Andrew said.

"The only alcohol we have is the half-bottle of watered down vodka Matt keeps under the sink. That's not gonna get the three of us drunk."

Andrew blinked at him and Neil shrugged. "Figure it out," they said at the same time.

Nicky threw his hands up in exasperation and retreated.

Back at Fox Tower, Kevin left in a hurry with promises of watching the latest rerun of the Trojan vs Longhorns game with Neil thrown over his shoulder. Neil chased him down the hall until he confirmed they were, in fact, also watching the other games he had recorded. When he returned, he quirked an eyebrow at Andrew and jerked his head toward the bathroom.

"Shower with me?" he said.

That unpleasant feeling swirled in Andrew's belly. He shook his head. "I'll shower after you. Don't hog all the hot water."

Neil accepted that with a nod and placed a firm kiss on Andrew's jaw.

"You know," he said as he shucked his shirt over his head and threw it in the general direction of the bedroom, "I've been thinking of getting Kev those books he's been eyeing for being sober for three months. Do they celebrate three month sobriety?"

Andrew shrugged. "Get them anyway. I don't think I can handle any more drool on the computer keyboard."

"I'll order them today." Neil stepped in the doorway of the bathroom with his shorts balled up in his hands. "Hey. You okay?"

"Peachy."

Neil tilted his head until he caught Andrew's eye. Andrew didn't miss the crease of concern in his eyes. "The antidepressants still making you feel weird?"

"I've been worse."

Neil eyed him until Andrew grew tired of being scrutinized and ushered him toward the waiting shower. Neil left the door open and Andrew cast a lingering glance over his shoulder as he peeled off his boxers and stepped under the hot spray of the shower.

Andrew didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until the sound of Neil rummaging through the drawers for clean clothes woke him.

"Morning," Neil quipped. Andrew squinted at him from under his arms. "Shower's free."

Water beaded on Neil's shoulders and ran down the corded muscles in his back in thin rivulets. They disappeared in the fluffy towel still wrapped around Neil's waist. Neil shook out his hair and looked back in time to catch Andrew staring.

He raised his eyebrows.

Andrew rolled his eyes at Neil's smug expression and pulled him closer by the towel. "Asshole," he said, and kissed him.

Neil planted his hands on either side of Andrew's thighs and let the towel drop to the floor. He hummed and opened his mouth as Andrew directed the kiss with nimble fingertips on his jaw. Neil pulled back with a gasp and began kissing down his neck.

"Neil," Andrew said. His eyes fell shut when Neil sucked at the pulse in his neck. "I haven't showered yet. I'm sweaty and gross."

"We can shower when we're done." Neil pressed a hand against Andrew's back and bit at his collarbone. A surprised gasp slipped past Andrew's teeth.

"You're gross."

"You like it."

Andrew didn't deny it.

Neil worried at a spot on Andrew's throat and reached for the hem of his shirt. Andrew startled at the first brush of Neil's fingers against his bare skin. He jumped and reached for Neil's hands, but Neil was already moving back.

"Andrew?" he asked, looking him up and down, searching for what had triggered this reaction. His chest heaved, skin already flushed a distracting shade of pink. "What's wrong?'

"I don't want to take my shirt off." Andrew wouldn't meet Neil's gaze.

"Okay," Neil said. "Is everything okay?"

Andrew nodded, then shook his head. He chewed on his bottom lip. Neil gently reached out and pulled his lip out from his teeth with his thumb. He waited for Andrew to find the words. Neil was always so patient with him.

"I gained weight," Andrew said. When Neil said nothing, Andrew looked up to find him looking befuddled.

Maybe Neil didn't notice, but Andrew couldn't stop noticing. He knew it was the meds fucking with him, Betsy had said that would be a side effect, but it didn't stop Andrew from being self-conscious. He couldn't help comparing himself to Kevin and his green smoothies and defined abs, or Matt's chiseled chest. Andrew had always been on the heavier side, but it had always been made of muscle, and it had never bothered him before.

He was still strong. He could still protect himself. He was able to lift Neil up against the wall when they were kissing. It shouldn't have mattered.

Neil watched him for a moment longer and said, "Can I try something? I have to take off your shirt."

Andrew hesitated, but he trusted Neil. He nodded and lifted his arms so Neil could pull his shirt off. Then Neil pushed him with a gentle hand on his chest until he was flat on the bed.

The first kiss was right on Andrew's chest, just above his sternum. Neil never broke eye contact when he pressed his lips to his skin. He lingered there for just a heartbeat longer before he shifted so his mouth hovered above Andrew's stomach. His kisses were light, frustratingly so, until he placed a soft kiss onto the soft flesh on Andrew's tummy.

His lips tickled the blond hair there, and Neil left tiny butterfly kisses all over. Around his belly button, his navel, the sides that poked out of his waistband, until Andrew was relaxed and reassured underneath him. His eyes had drifted shut, nearly lulled back to sleep beneath Neil's soft touches.

When he was finished, he pulled himself up until he was face to face with Andrew. Their noses brushed. Andrew stole a kiss from him.

"I love your body," Neil said. "No matter what it looks like."

Andrew brushed the hair back from the side of his face and ran his hands down Neil's sides and over his back to settle above the slope of his ass. He plucked another kiss from Neil's lips. "I still need to shower," he said.

Neil huffed a laugh, pressed their foreheads together, and rolled off him. "Better hurry before Kevin gets back and steals the rest of the water."

"Over my dead body," Andrew sniped and tripped over Neil's discarded clothes in his haste to get a fresh towel. He doubled back to press a kiss to the crown of Neil's head.

"Thank you," he whispered against his hair. He didn't need to say anything else. Neil already understood.

#aftg #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #i don't edit these so if you see any mistakes shhh #mine #my writing #aftg fic #yes i would die for soft andreil #and soft tummy andrew

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riverdale-retread · 2 years

Text

Riverdale S6B, Ep #102 (“Death at a Funeral”)

Hyper detailed episode recap! Many spoilers ahead. An episode in which we learn that Tabitha Tate literally stabilizes Jughead Jones’ world.

Jughead is finally emotionally safe enough to express anger at what has happened to him, in his life. Jughead as a kid had a heartrending inability to be angry when he was wronged - he was never angry with FP for his failures as a parent, nor Gladys for hers, or Jellybean for terrorizing him and Betty and all of Northside. He should’ve been angry with Betty and Archie, but he decided not to be that either. I like that as an adult he’s able to actually feel and express anger.

It’s very cute that Jughead’s priorities in life are 1. reading 2. eating burgers and 3. kissing Tabitha. Those are the things that have been salvaged. Mind, body, soul, I suppose. It gave me a nice Jabitha fandom tingle, but I found this moving for what he doesn’t say. He doesn’t say things like - I dunno - pay rent, support Archie, and save Riverdale. And clearly, the true no. 1 used to be Writing.

When Jughead asks himself how he can ‘rebuild’ his life, we transition to Archie telling a ragtag crew that he and Frank have reinforced the infrastructure of the house, and I found myself doing a double take. Are either of them qualified to do this? What absolute hubris.

If I was in that crew, having Archie tell me that he (a very young war veteran and non unionized part time construction worker) and Fred Andrews’ bad seed younger brother (who had a punch out fight with Keller once) had ‘inspected the house,’ would lead me to find the nearest exit asap. I wonder if it’s a statement on the importance of unions that this house rebuilding crew has patently untrained amateurs like BETTY on it.

Later, Betty and Archie are trying to see if she can crush the bones in his hand using some sort of construction implement. Betty’s untrammeled joy at being with a man who cannot be hurt and therefore she literally cannot hurt hit me like a ton of bricks. And I like to see them happy, the core four, so I liked this scene. Archie, after triumphantly confirming that he’s developed superpowers, does a little twirl of glee that made me laugh. You can see why Jughead likes him so very much - Archie, despite all of the immense difficulties life has thrown at him, remains pretty lighthearted.

Speaking of - Betty wonders if Jughead was also affected by the explosion (“he was the third closest”) to which Archie says a thing that makes me immediately take back what I just said about how likable he is - “Fourth closest.” As in AFTER THE DOG that he has owned less than a year. Neither of them wise up to the thing I pointed out last week - that the three of them were in the house, and Jughead was in the garage. Did that have anything to do with it??

The way that both Archie and Betty talk about Jughead hurts my feelings. I can’t quite put my finger on why it bugs me so much. They sound like the way I do when I talk to my siblings about cousins we don’t like very much. That is, we share a sense of unbreakable connection without any affection or genuine interest. Betty and Archie discuss Jughead as someone they are obliged to care about, but none of that obligation is leavened with genuine interest or care. Betty ‘did her duty’ by leaving him (voice?) messages (if voice messages, then he can’t hear them) but see how bare minimum that is? She knows he works. One of his jobs is at the diner where everyone in Riverdale is obligated to eat, and his girlfriend owns the diner, plus she’s friends with Jughead’s girlfriend. But after doing the barest minimum Betty hands over “checking up on Jughead” duties to Archie, who accepts with an equally unenthusiastic - “A little later.” The two of them smile and joke and are much warmer when they talk about the dog.

Mistress Cheryl’s grandma is “Grandmistress Rose” to Britta. I find this absolutely adorable, in addition to the elaborate braid styling that she keeps doing with her hair. Grandmistress Rose is a stone cold terrifying villain. I adore this actress. The extreme satisfaction with which this old woman informs a kid that Cheryl’s soul “dissipated into the ether, into nothingness” was so perfect. And the worshipful way she greets Abigail, bird-beaky face flirty and happy? Masterful.

Abigail looks amazing in Cheryl’s clothes. Britta looks very scared of all of the proceedings. Abigail and Roseanne plan to pay the Council of Four a visit, in order to begin to “take back Riverdale” for the Blossoms. With Hiram out of the picture, is this the emergence of Nana Rose as the prime villain?

In any case, we leave this bubble of camp delight to go back to the grimmer ‘real’ world outside of Thornhill.

Archie genuinely wanted to find Jughead so he’s visiting him in residence at Tabitha’s. That is - when he couldn’t get Jughead to answer a phone call, let’s posit, he went ahead and text messaged him or sought out Tabitha - all the stuff that Betty couldn’t be bothered to do.

I kind of want to know what Archie’s reaction was to first finding out that Jughead is deaf. I bet it was “Dude That Sucks” written out on a notepad. Whatever it was, it’s so awful that Jughead doesn’t even want to tell us what it was and moves right along to the next thing that Archie wants to know about, which is whether something weird has happened to him (other than hearing loss, as Jughead points out) after which Archie lies about why he’s asking.

The degree to which their friendship has been broken is a little hard to get over, for me. Archie lies to Jughead, Jughead knows he is lying, and neither of them say anything. If Archie hadn’t developed special powers as a result of the explosion, he might not ever have asked Jughead if he was doing all right.

We cut to Veronica, pearl-less, staring at herself sadly in the mirror. She’s gearing up to tell Reggie how Hiram died. Shot four times in the head and then set on fire. This seems like a strangely sad way for Hiram to go. Reggie has the dubious honor of being told by two generations of Lodges of their sin of patricide.

The Reggie actor does the most with very little. The delivery on the lines “In what universe am I not supposed to judge you?” and “Should I say I’m sorry for your loss or congratulations?” has shades of sarcasm, suppressed anger, shocked betrayal and yet, at the same time, it’s a little bit funny. Well done sir.

Abuelita Lodge is very powerful. Hiram was afraid of her, and so is Veronica, in further parallels. In another parallel, Veronica finds the act of burdening Hermione with knowledge of her criminal and homicidal leanings is something she can become comfortable with, the way it was for HIram. This is an interesting callback to Veronica’s childhood, of course, where she competed with her father directly to see who could get Abuelita Lodge to side with them by strategically deploying the truth. Veronica won that round, and I guess she technically won this one too.

Kevin is going to be deputy sheriff for his dad. Nepotism win! I’m moved that Kevin is having to do the single mom thing of hauling the baby absolutely everywhere. The show resolutely refuses to discuss with me what Sheriff Keller’s nomenclature vis-a-vis this baby would’ve been had the Kefoni (it’s my own portmanteau, do you like it?) threesome relationship been stable. I suppose I should be grateful.

Archie is doing the Doritos product placement today (the way they do this is so very Truman Show it’s kind of getting scary, and thereby undermining the advertisement effect. By which I mean to say - every time I see a Doritos bag anywhere, I experience visceral discomfort. I don’t want to touch the thing). Betty is worried about Jug’s deafness, but Archie absolutely does not want to be burdened with this new problem.

What is it, exactly, that Archie feels about Jughead, I wonder? When Betty looks like she wants to say more things about Jughead beyond “Poor Jug,” he cuts across her with “At least he’s got Tabitha” is the most callous way. The thousand yard stare off to the right that Betty does in response seems like it’s supposed to illustrate something but I can’t put my finger on what it is.

Is Jughead just a burden to Archie?

In the Life Is a Battle Fought On A Football Field opener for Season 5 (the proper one), Archie’s dream gave Jughead a singular role, as the one and only wounded, whiny, vulnerable fail-soldier comrade that Archie was obligated to hoist on his already overburdened shoulders. Perhaps, from Archie’s perspective, objectively, Jughead is a burden, has always been a burden, and even as an adult is a burdensome spoilsport. He physically and emotionally can’t do things with Archie that he wants to do (sports, gangster, fireman). Further, Jughead gets very invested in things and people that Archie finds either puzzling (the Stonies) or distasteful (the Serpents). And Jughead is always and forevermore needing material support from Archie - needs Archie’s Dad, needs Archie’s house. Archie might kinda be sick of it now. It’s so typical of Jughead, in some ways, to come out of an explosion that gave Archie and Betty superpowers with a physical injury. Archie might, as a good boyfriend, want to rescue Betty from this burden too.

I can’t believe I just said all that with my own two hands.

Barchie are saved from having to further discuss Jughead thanks to the phone call from Agent Lin, who is an exposition person of color who exists to only talk to one of the central white characters. (This is the third Asian woman that’s been utilized in this way on this show after Minerva and Jess.) Glen is missing but his car is not.

Cut to the funeral at the casino where the fearsome Abuelita Lodge introduces Veronica to Geraldo, her godson. Veronica’s slight hesitation before questioningly introducing Reggie as her boyfriend was very sweet, and may I say how much I really love Reggie for not being weird or wavering during this pivotal moment? Reggie understands about dignity, about saving face in front of the elders of the family, and simply takes his cue to dial up his capacity to charm the panties off of post-menopausal ladies to 1000. I love him so much. Reggie is so good at being a boyfriend.

The rules for the Lodge mafia seem very arcane and odd. Abuelita Lodge is a top, and apparently, Veronica is the one with status, so Abuelita’s assistant, the Godson, treats Reggie as also the assistant to Veronica and hands him the guest list, but not Veronica, who doesn’t even reach for it. By the same token, the initial request that Veronica delivery the eulogy for her father is made by the Godson, and upon Veronica’s clearly anticipated refusal, Abuelita Lodge steps in to make the demand final and non-negotiable. Curious arrangement.

OK so here are my Jabitha feelings so if you don’t want Jabitha flalings skip until you see this: ********************

OH MY HEART. Jughead is learning what it is to be cared for by a person with emotional resources to spare, who is invested in seeing the relationship through to the end. He is so unused to this. He finds the amount of care that Tabitha is giving him distancing, unfamiliar, uncomfortable. He keeps seeing her as ‘far’ away from him, as he tries to hug closer to his own solitary self. The camera angle choices are interesting - Tabitha is blurry in the distance across the dining room table, but as she doesn’t give up or get turned off by Jughead having problems, the perspective, even if shaky, even if slightly dutch angle, gets closer and closer to her as she keeps asking.

Tabitha insists on hearing what the ENT says, which then leads to her making a helpful suggestion (if no implants possible until six months, then learn ASL) then asks him whether he’s written by which she means, Is he feeling centered? Because she knows that his identity as someone who produces written work is what keeps Jughead Jones going. He’s aggressive, angry, and defensive, but she never looks anything other than kind and saddened. “There is nothing that she can do” is how Jughead starts the conclusion of this conversation, but then says “somehow WE just have to get through this.” This is another huge step in actual development for this character- more momentous than his “embrace the weird” approach after being the most insistent weird weirdo for the ages.

************

Back at the FBI office, Agent Lin unknowingly delivers Glen’s foot in a box to Betty, who has migraines for the first time in her life. (Possibly because of her superpower?) Does the FBI not actually scan the deliveries they get? I am a wussy screamer, who howls at literally any small surprise, so I did feel a bit of hero worship at Betty Cooper, FBI, clocking that she’d been sent a foot in a box and quietly closing it right back up, no histrionics.

Tabitha is running the city council meeting. Archie wants dumpster grant extension and is given it by Tabitha and Alice who giggle about it for reasons that I didn’t immediately grasp. Is this supposed to be a concession he’s begging from Alice? Maybe. Alice Cooper is enough of an asshole that she would give a neighbor whose house was blown up by a bomb a hard time for piling debris in the yard while he rebuilds.

Immediately after this, Veronica gets up to announce that Hiram Lodge is dead. In a defensively desultory fashion, she answers “I’m fine” to a question she seems sure nobody is going to ask, and then sarcastically urges all present to “Rejoice.” The only person who looks concerned is Reggie. The appalling way that Veronica has announced this information leaves even the usually unflappable Tabitha Tate at a loss as to what to do, and so Tabitha moves on to the next item. Literally nobody tells Veronica they are sorry for her loss. Cold.

And Percival Pickens introduces himself, affirms that he is related to the Pickens of the statue decapitation, and then says that he thinks Riverdale can become one of the most prosperous communities in America. In an English accent. Everything about him sounds like an absolute conman.

Toni bursts in late to announce very confidently that she was trying to stop a gang war in the streets. …. I just don’t believe you, Toni, when you say things like this. I don’t think you’re capable of stopping street warfare between stoned squirrels.

Oh, and while all this is going on, the possessed Cheryl -as- Abigail is running commentary about everyone and everything - she recognizes the name Pickens, she recognizes Toni, etc.

Jughead is sitting alone at home because he doesn’t want people’s pity. The thing is, nobody actually gave him any pity so far. Nobody offered Veronica any condolences, and you’re not bereaved, just deaf, Jughead. Nobody would give you sympathy. It’s doubtful if anyone other than Tabitha even noticed Jughead wasn’t there. Jughead decides he’s gonna do something wild.

Privately, Archie does ask Veronica whether she’s all right, which he didn’t do for Jughead. But Archie always did care very much about older, brawny men, and Hiram and Archie had a thing. Veronica reminds Archie that the two of them also fully planned to kill Hiram in the recent past, to which Archie says they wouldn’t have gone through with it. Veronica would have, though, apparently, because she says they “will never know.” I’ve said it before and will say it again. Archie is extremely scary and a dark influence on everyone,

“You little lamb, will be my Trojan horse.” What a terrible thing to say to a child. So is Britta this generation’s Jughead, kinda? (Sorry to be so Catholic). In earlier seasons, Jughead was Moses. Abigail has arrived into a time where women now have suffrage, man has landed on the moon, slavery is over, but the only thing she cares about is that she can be out with her girlfriend in the open. I guess I have to respect that kind of singlemindedness.

FBI agent Betty Cooper is talking with her boyfriend, the Man Indestructible, about the fact that a serial killer is in their blighted town. She’s going to involve HER MOM (an unstable woman who lost two children to serial killer-dom in one way or the other) to canvass the neighborhoods to find a serial killer that has actually eluded a full on FBI manhunt in the past.

Jughead wiped out during his motorcycle ride. Motorcycles (well, more the jackets, but still) were his tie to the Serpents, so does his wiping out after a few minutes (and acquiring more injuries in addition to the cochlear one) mean to indicate that Jughead is never going to get involved again with the Serpents? This is a pity. Serpents need something other than Mickey and Minnie Mouse. However, it could also mean that his hearing loss is not the full extent of the damage he’s suffered - is there an undiagnosed inner ear injury that’s affecting his balance? Because all the shots with Jughead in this episode have been at a sort of dutch-angle with a pronounced curvature. I assumed that this was to indicate “Jughead Cannot Hear” but now I’m wondering if we’re supposed to know that Jughead’s inner-ear has been wounded and he is shading over into the nausea that can result if you’re injured in that way.

In any case, Tabitha being exasperated with Jughead to erupt into frustration, giving a deaf man a stern talking to and his accepting her telling off as a form of caring is another good development for Jughead.

At the FBI office, Betty and Agent Lin are handing out flyers with a sketch of TBK - literally the trash bag mask he wears - to other FBI agents to hand out to the community. This was a great bit of comedy that made me fall about laughing like, either TBK is weird enough that he never actually takes this thing off (so he rode the greyhound to Riverdale in a plastic trashbag baklava and nobody called it in). They’re supposed to tell the residents of the roughest parts of Riverdale (which is SUCH a rough town, even the nice parts - which is where Serial Killers Hal and Penelope came from) that they should not approach the man wearing a big ole’ trashbag mask.

Veronica opens the door to a tall young man wearing a black cardigan over an interesting pattern shirt, who tells her that she has to sign a release so she can be featured on her mom’s tv show. He then tells her to ‘find her light’ which I think is a film actor technical language but of course because she’s Veronica Lodge she knows exactly what that is and is perfect. Hermione being a histrionic reality tv personality, with Veronica making what the fuck faces behind her back was a breath of fresh air in terms of digestible humor. This is how Riverdale gets you - they show that scene at the FBI office, and then immediately cut to something like this. Keeps you off balance and watching.

Meanwhile at the Andrews house, a nice enough looking man who calls Archie “boss” hands him a chunk of palladium that he ‘found’ and refuses to ‘split the cost.” Then they head over to Alice’s house for coffee (because Alice is trying to get into Uncle Frank’s pants with this domesticity cosplay - ok that’s not fair. Alice made nice meals that Jughead loved eating the two times she ever invited him to a meal). He can drink boiling coffee because he’s invulnerable.

Cheryl wants to adopt Britta, and tells Toni in her office. Cheryl invites Toni to discuss the finer points of adopting a foster child in the way that Christian Grey wanted to negotiate NDAs and sex contracts (50 Shades of Grey was actually about how much EL James wanted to sit in conference rooms doing contract negotiation while young women served her drinks): “walk me through those steps, slowly and methodically” is what she purrs, but ma’am there’s a minor present, can you maybe keep it in your pants? They set up a strange semidate to meet at the Wyrm because Toni is bartending. I briefly wondered how Toni could mention things like bartending while being a school counselor but remembered that this school is private and off charter.

Mob Abuelita Lodge, her henchman godson and patricidal casino owner Veronica all agree to be filmed for Hermione’s reality tv show, and I guess to make things less weird they invited Kevin, who is extremely pleased to be there. None of the Lodge Mob members can bear to look at him directly. Hermione deadass say she felt zero amounts of mourning for Hiram Lodge which um, seems like an extraordinarily brutal thing to say in front of the daughter and mother of said man, AND in front of a television crew.

Perhaps this was intentional? Her heartlessness forces a murderer’s confession from Veronica, which then leads to an admission on Hermione’s part, that she’d been lowkey jealous of the bond between Veronica and Hiram all this time. Except. This is definitely not the first time Hermione has broached this topic. She definitely told Veronica that while Hiram wouldn’t kill his daughter, he would definitely kill her, the wife, when Veronica was in high school. But now she admits to feeling possessive over Veronica’s attention and competing (and losing) against Hiram to have some of it. The Lodge women reconcile. Abuelita Lodge has to be SEETHING.

Back to the Andrews house. Archie is on the landing leading to the second floor, and he hears a crackle. Then he FALLS THROUGH THE FLOOR. Because I told you!! If you have a bombed out residence you really do need professional inspection and they never got it! The fall actually does hurt Archie and he’s alarmed.

Tabitha find Jughead someone who experienced late-life deafness to help Jughead. Jughead hates this idea, because he hates this new reality he lives in, but Tabitha looking so concerned, so hopeful, and so wanting to help him leads him to make a concession, to receive care that is offered. This is hard for Jughead, whose entire identity is built around being fine on his own, never admitting to the stress his difficult life.

TBK is a white man. Did I have a visceral DO NOT TOUCH HER reaction to him stroking Betty’s perfect skin on her beautiful face? YES I DID. But then came the … he’s just not scary moment. I don’t know why. TBK is gross, yes, but his outfit is so dumb. Like, does he have the thing like a spidey suit hanging up and he puts the trashbag-and-duct tape shirt and pants on before he shoves the baklava on himself or does he build the outfit around him like some sort of bachelorette party toilet paper wedding dress? He brought Glen’s arm with him as a present, and threatens Archie just like Hal used to.

Cheryl and Toni are talking at the White Wyrm. Also why does everyone hate the word SPINSTER in this show? Didn’t it get reclaimed at some point, like queer? But when Toni says “spinster school marm” she says it in an unkind sneering way. Look, Gangster Minnie Mouse, you’re a bureaucrat bartender. You have no standing to talk down to spinster school marms. So the Rivervale History Fogarty is now officially a Warlock Pirate (which is the same thing as a Mickey Mouse Gangster). But then this begs the question - is Abigail some sort of dimension buster porter over from Rivervale?? Cheryl is as devastated as I am about Fangs x Toni but not for the same reasons. Also Fangs calls Baby Anthony “our son” so I’m going to assume the sperm was Fang’s (Which then makes me wonder WHY Kevin was even in the throuple??)

Betty and Archie are a couple but every time they act like one it takes me by surprise. They are in the Andrews kitchen discussing TBK. TBK apparently means Betty no harm because she did not see the danger aura. Her powers may be waning - she gets headaches. And it turns out that palladium is literally Archie’s kryptonite. They actually say kryptonite out loud, twice. When this scene ends with Betty telling Archie to be careful until his powers come back, the camera zooms into the empty background behind her and I’m not sure what that was for. OH wait. That’s her blind spot. Oh! OK. (Very activist camera decisions this episode).

Jughead has gone to the specialist who tells him to sit FOR FIVE HOURS and try to write with a writing instrument that is not and has never been his tools of choice - pencil and paper. Hermione wants to recreate the mother daughter heart to heart, because she specifically wants the world to see Veronica promising her that she will try to be a better daughter, and Veronica agrees.

Rule Brittania - her delivery of the line “Ms Topaz is dating Fangs Fogarty??” was a balm to my soul. Little child, same. Unfortunately, Abigail-in-Cheryl is inconsolable. But then Nana Rose insults Toni by calling her Serpent Trash. Abigail in response suddenly demonstrates psychokinesis powers (she can make the wind blow and slam shut external shutters). She imprisons Nana Rose in the dungeon.

Jughead at the specialist’s office is immensely frustrated, yet it turns out the specialist is truly a kind person. ‘Without a trace of judgment’ is a major trait Jughead notices about him. Another novel experience because really, the core other three are compulsively judgmental people. The specialist gives Jughead a graphic novel about their shared experience of late in life deafness.

Anatole is visiting Veronica, at the office at the casino, for bad reasons, but since there are many blue crosses (three in the frame with Anatole) I am sure she’ll be fine. “Right before my father’s funeral, seriously?” is what Veronica asks him in a very deflating echo of the Godfather (“you come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married” etc). Anatole is sneery about “American women” but you know what, I have met and worked with several Russian ladies, and I daresay, Anatole is not wrong to think this. In any case, Veronica is extremely merely curious about who sent him and isn’t at all afraid, which I found admirable. Anatole is shot right in the middle of the forehead at a completely impossible angle from downstairs and far away by Abuelita Lodge’s Godson. We’re supposed to wonder if it’s Hermosa or Hermione that sent the Russian to kill Veronica, but because they expressly rule it out, I’m going to bet that it’s Abuelita Lodge.

Oh and, Veronica asks the new actor who’s joined the cast as the Godson whether he’s “just a really good actor” and he says “Yes.” I found this very amusing. Abuelita’s Godson says he is not a moral absolutist, while standing over the corpse of a man he shot through the head, while talking to a woman he knows ordered a hit on her own father.

After reading most of Daniel’s book, Jughead tries to create more writing. He’s still tilted at an angel and the camera has a weird up down sea sickness motion thing going on. Then! When he has written some of his graphic novel style new work, the camera settles. It’s no longer the camera-operator-is-on-sea-legs situation. Some of the pages for his graphic novel look like storyboards for what we’ve already seen in the show. One of the pages shows him getting on his motorcycle, where the narration says: “Denial is a powerful impulse. Perhaps the most unique to humanity. When a dog loses its leg it’s able to walk on three almost immediately.” And so on. We also get a glimpse into Tabitha’s bedroom. She has a pink velvet seashell headboard. Jughead kisses Tabitha, “For not- for never” giving up on him. Jughead-cam is stable and balanced now. (#jabitha)

Dennis hands Archie a hunk of kryptonite (sorry, palladium) in order to wallop him on the head. Oh - is this TBK? And someone calls Betty to say they saw TBK. Some dude in a TBK mask who is not TBK delivers a message. Betty starts to find many pieces of Glen.

Now we’re at the Hiram Lodge funeral. The candle set up is IMMENSE at this funeral. Why Veronica can’t be normal and just refer to Archie as HER BOYFRIEND is very curious. I mean, I suppose it might be because not everyone has sex with their high school boyfriends so she wants crystal clarity for everyone that she did it hit? They also brought in two 3 ft tall St Joseph statuary into the casino to make it look more like a church. Um, ok. Hermione and Veronica’s continuing brutality to Abuelita Lodge, who is burying her son, is still kind of shocking. Veronica straight up listed all his crimes at his funeral in front of his mother. Veronica is wearing pearls to eulogize his father.

So Archie is with Dennis or at least, who I assume is Dennis, in the TBK outfit, and Archie is just not bright. He asks ‘WHO ARE YOU??” when literally the last person he was with was Dennis. Alice bursts in with the dog, being ridiculous about shoes, then leaves. Bingo completely obeys kill commands, and successfully tosses TBK through a wall.

Veronica thanks Reggie for showing up to her father’s funeral. Because NONE OF THE OTHERS did. That’s brutal. Veronica is often the female equivalent to Jughead and she says what Pops said to Jug when he got ditched by all his friends - “I’m sure everyone else was busy.” In what feels like a scarily misplaced empathy / sympathy overload, Reggie says that what she did “doesn’t matter, because I love you.” Um. Actually, ordering a hit on your old man would matter to me no matter how much I love you, but I guess I am not a good person according to Riverdale. Abuelita’s Godson delivers a cassette tape of Hiram’s last will and testament.

Betty and Archie discuss the fact that Dennis is TBK (despite falling out the window from a height that’s killed at least two teachers at Stonewall Prep) alive and at large. Glen is absolutely dead. Betty will be leaving town for a bit. And Veronica listens to the tape where we get to hear Hiram say Mija one last time. Veronica weeps but she’s inherited the rum business. Cheryl Blossom is trapped in the mirror or something and Abigail smashes her back - but Brittania has seen!! And we end with Jughead, his world on even keel and stable, FINALLY able to manifest the superpower he was gifted - He can read minds. And with this realization the dutch angle comes right back!

#riverdale review #riverdale season 6 #riverdale episode 6.7 #riverdale episode 103 #jughead jones #veronica lodge #reggie mantle #jabitha #tabitha tate #Riverdale s6 #riverdale recap #riverdale episode recap

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