#and mario does the game over sound effect and loses a life

[kopawz]

mario has to be informed on who chris pratt is, and is disappointed

#mario #super mario #like mario would try and be nice like *ohhhh i bet he is just starting out! we all start out that'sa ok!* #and luigi tells him that *mario. he has just been like this for two decades along with being a terrible person* #and mario does the game over sound effect and loses a life

[imaginewarehouse]

Yandere!Marcus White x Reader || Drabble

Plot: I’ve been watching Gotham, so, some delicious villainous yandere stuff for fun. 

Warnings: Abduction, toxic/abusive relationship, basic yandere character (He’s kinda chill though, so it isn't really mega level dark? I guess?) 

🔆  🔆  🔆

The bag is ripped off my head, along with a few strands of my hair, and I gulp down my first non-canvasy breathes in hours, looking around the room I’m in. As soon as I recognise the childish basketball themed bed sheets that I’m plopped onto and the blue walls that could only belong to a man-child that hasn't left his mother since the womb though, a deep, annoyed groan escapes my throat and my head falls back against the wall I’m leaning on. The frustration of another failed escape attempt honestly killing me. “Fuckkkkk. Marcus!” 

Why did I even look around? As if the surroundings after being kidnapped would be any different. It never is. Its always this stupid room. God, I hate it. 

“Hold on a moment- finishing this game.” He unsurprisingly responds, from the floor at the foot of the bed where a TV is set up on the floor- not at all fazed at the fact that his abduction victim is awake. 

I wriggle my wrists, trying to free them from the tent rope tying them together. “Whatever. Just hurry up and untie me. I’m getting rope burn.” 

“Mmm,” Marcus makes an unsure sound back, and I can imagine his face right now even though I cant see it, all twisted up at the nose and the mouth. A harbinger of dread, honestly. My heart feels like it plummets in my chest, right down to my feet. Don’t tell me- “Yeahh, I don’t think so. Not this time, babe. One too many escapes. I told you, you try to leave me one more time and you’ll lose Mr Nice Guy.” He makes a clicking sound with his tongue, as I screw my own face up in confusion. ‘Mr Nice Guy’, did he just say? Oh, please- “Well. You lost him.” 

That... doesn't sound good. I mean, no part of this situation with him is good, but this definitely feels like a tipping point. I feel nauseous suddenly. “What do you mean?” 

“Oh!” Suddenly the TV makes an especially loud noise and the sound of the controller clicking gets more vigorous, as apparently Marcus gets to a particularly difficult part of the game- then celebratory music plays and Marcus gets up, and flops on the bed next to you. “Whoo! I won. Beat the game.” He beams at me, like I actually give a flying fuck that he came first in Mario cart at 100cc, like the loser that he is, and I just look back totally deadpanned. 

I blink, trying to totally show him with my expression and my tone how little this matters right now. Or ever. “Like I care?” 

“Don’t be a bitch.” It should say something about me, and about him, that I used to flinch every time this boy called me that, but now I don't even blink. We’ve been doing this thing for over a decade, since high school when Marcus wasn't a total psycho, so nothing about him surprises me much anymore. 

Not that he isn't, unfortunately, full of surprises even so. 

“Don’t be a psycho kidnapper.” I beam back patronisingly. 

“Ahh, stalemate.” He grins, dropping his hand on my thigh... which... twistedly... still has an effect on me. Not that I ever let him know that, but, it definitely does. Sometimes I wonder, honestly, if that’s why I never successfully escape. Not because he or his butt ugly prison friends are master criminals or anything, but because I’m still holding on to an insane secret hope that somewhere in Marcus is the boy who took me to prom and spiked the punch, and turned up to drive me 3 hours home - to this bedroom, actually, - from a disastrous family holiday that made me cry to him for 2 more hours on the phone, and was happy to do so. Because sometimes he still is that guy.

... Because on a subconscious level I let him find me and drag me back here... even though consciously, I know this is 

-wrong. 

   And abusive... 

                and toxic. 

But on the other hand maybe not. Whatever. Moving on. Taking a deep breath to regather myself and glance up at him, eyes flashing angrily. Through my teeth, I hiss. “Let go.” 

Deeply, entirely hard-done-by, Marcus sighs and rolls his eyes, removing his hand. “Whatever.” I sigh, and lean my head back on the wall- tired. Tired of him, tired of this whole awful game. 

But we go on. We live on; We keep playing. Everyone does. That’s life. 

What else can you do? 

Finally, a couple of minutes later, I turn my head to look at him again and wait for him to catch my gaze and turn his own head to face me back. I talk quietly, calmly, tiredly. “... what did you mean by no more Mr Nice Guy?” 

“Just that.” He exclaims and shrugs, like it explains everything. Which it absolutely does not, but instead of snapping at him I just raise my eyebrows and wait for more of an explanation. “That... you’ll stay tied up. Most of the time, anyway. I mean, you can take showers and stuff without the rope, and on your birthday.” 

“Oh, well aren't you just a regular Prince Charming.” I sigh, rolling my eyes and gazing up at the ceiling now. Great. 

He either didn’t get a feel for the sarcasm or doesn't care. “Well I think so! So does mom.” 

“Oh god.” I groan, squeezing my eyes shut. He’s such a loser. “Norman Bates, much?” 

At the reference that he definitely gets, because we binged the first season of Bates Motel together, like nearly everything else that we do apart from my escaping hobby, Marcus shifts closer to me and bangs the back of his head on the wall. “Oh, Y/N, that’s gross.” Oh so he claims, I think sarcastically, rolling my eyes yet again. Whatever. “I love you.” 

“Yeah, right.” I respond, dully, not even looking at him. At my obvious doubt, he begins to laugh. First chuckles, then full out, raucous laughter. Like its the most hilarious thing that he might not be in love with me. Like- why would he do all this to me? Kidnap me, keep me prisoner, force me to stay with him, tie me up- If he didn’t fucking love me?

I mean I have some ideas, but lets go with his story.

“I do!” He shakes his head, eyebrows knit together in confusion and hurt at my ridiculous accusation that he doesn't love me. “I do, baby.” He shifts so he can look me in the eyes and force a serious look... a goofy grin still stuck on his face that is not encouraging or confidence building at all. “I do. I fucking love you!” 

When he gets like this, its best to pretend like I believe him. Take a deep breath, adjust my thoughts - like you’re going to school and you have to remember that the place is educating you, and that’s good... not thats it's a torture institution for youth. For example, Marcus isn't a psychopathic dick-face. He’s... sometimes, sweet,- , and force a gentle smile. Hold my breath and cup his face the best I can with my wrists tied up, with one hand and lace my fingers through his hair with the other- and try not to like it so much. 

Or like it on a purely physical level and try to ignore the way, deep down, I love him. 

“... You’re right. Sorry. I know you do, baby, thank you. I... I love you too.” 

Easily his expression and his body relax, and he grins that goofy grin again that unfortunately still releases the butterflies in the pit of my stomach. “I know. Sorry, I freak out a little when you say stuff like that.” Oh, I know. “I just wouldn't want you to think that I do anything to hurt you. I just want you close.” 

“I know.” 

He smiles brighter, happy for the positive appraisal and apparent trust from me- especially in the particularly sensitive mood he’s in with me touching him. 

Then he leans across the way and kisses me. 

#Superstore #Superstore x Reader #Yandere #Yandere Superstore #Yandere Fic #TW: Yandere #TW: Abuse #TW: Abusive Relationship #TW: Abduction #Marcus White #Superstore Marcus #Marcus White x Reader #Yandere!Marcus White

[vg-sanctuary]

Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling

Moonsprout Games - Switch, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, PC - 2019

I don't like the core gameplay of 99% of all RPGs, but the ones I do like have been some of my favorite games I've ever played. case in point, Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling, a modern interpretation of the classic Paper Mario formula and an ideal example of indie developers adding to the legacy of a cult classic. its main feature is turn-based combat with action commands, like old Paper Mario or the Mario & Luigi series, and strategy in its intentional design and small health and damage numbers that goes way beyond "spam damage and heal every third turn, use mana items as needed". (in case you want to be 100% blind for your playthrough, past the Keep Reading link are some very minor spoilers: an item a specific cook can make after a side quest, some basic enemies, environments that are about halfway through the game, and the names of some medals.)

“wow, vg-sanctuary posting about a game that's not even two years old at time of writing? and it's an RPG? are you not a retro/legacy blog anymore? who are you and what have you done with the writer?” I still am a retro/legacy blog, mostly, just this time I thought I'd share something that its developers still get money from, and whose developers aren't mega corporations. and I just beat it, enjoyed it, and really felt like writing about it because it still doesn't have the popularity it deserves even after that puppet guy on YouTube talked about it. not that this post is going to reach any significant number of people, but still. I'll write about some more indie games sometime in the future. (and indeed I am writing about another RPG and you better believe it has a lot to talk about.)

anyway, Bug Fables starts with a brash little bee called Vi and a polite and honorable beetle named Kabbu wandering into an explorer's guild and not having a partner to join the guild with. they reluctantly decide they're going to fight together because companionship is a requirement for this guild, foiling off each other and sometimes off their third friend Leif, a blue moth they find in a cave, for the whole game. every character has a distinct personality and all the party members get some valuable character development through a side quest, which I really liked, but I'm no connoisseur of RPG stories. while I'm on story, people that come here looking for a well-made world will get what they want from the many optional lore books hidden around the world.

the plot becomes more complex and compelling as the game continues, though it generally lets gameplay take the spotlight. which is great, because the gameplay is also mostly great. about a third of it is doing puzzles on the overworld using the abilities of each character to move forward a la the Mario & Luigi series. they generally make use of whatever your newest overworld ability is, and some areas early on have inaccessible things you have to come back to, sort of like a Metroidvania except it isn't required to do this for progression. some puzzles take longer they could because they involve using Kabbu's horn to repeatedly fling an ice block many times over a distance. it's never egregious, but it could have been faster if the guy would use his arms. this is a minor caveat and not a majority of the game.

a lot of people probably don't know how the combat for this or Paper Mario works, and it's really important to Bug Fables, so I'll explain that here. it's turn based, which is typical, but basic attacks and skills need you to time a button press to do as much damage as possible. you can also time a button press when an enemy attacks to take less damage. Paper Mario and Bug Fables also both have medals instead of other equipment that give characters higher max HP or a new skill, for example. you have limited medal points and stronger medals require more points.

this is going to sound like a lot, but any RPG's combat will sound like a lot if you try to detail it in a single paragraph. the game introduces these things slower than I am here. in Bug Fables specifically, the character standing in the front of the group does one extra damage but is more likely to be attacked, and you can pass turns from one character to another in exchange for that character dealing one less damage (which is a lot because basic attacks only deal two damage by default). certain enemies can only be hit by certain attacks; some enemies fly, so Kabbu can't hit them until Vi knocks them down with her beemerang. not a typo, beemerang. and many of Bug Fables' status effects have upsides -- being paralyzed reduces damage taken everything by one, poison has many medals that make it a good thing, and being asleep heals the sleeping character every turn. there are others that are straight up bad things, though, and usually don't come until later. all of this adds up to even small encounters having strategic depth, which is great, and if you don't feel like small encounters you can just avoid them. skills that would typically be relegated to one character, like healing and support skills all going to one, are instead split between party members to make decisions more difficult in a good way. there's also a lovely medal that instantly kills any enemy the game deems too easy for you, sort of like in Earthbound.

I figure I spent more time doing housekeeping like cooking (simple A+B=C or A-becomes-B crafting), buying items, and arranging medals in Bug Fables than in any other RPG, which is because it was designed that way. by the way, cooking recipes start hidden, but a foodie at each restaurant will share some strong ones for free, which is a big help early on. anyone who's played The World Ends with You (i.e. me) will be spoiled by its excellent quality of life: no consumable items and you instantly heal to full after every encounter. it makes items seem like a ridiculous formality that RPGs only still have because they've had them for years, but in Bug Fables any item that isn't simple healing -- a lot of them aren't simple healing -- has great strategic use, and the exact way you spend your medal points can determine whether you win or lose any fight, especially bosses. for example, one character having one extra damage for two turns when they typically only do two is pretty important, especially when they use an attack that does multiple hits, and having it in item form saves valuable medal points and skill points. part of that time was kind of a waste, though, because I generally had one set of medals I use for multiple enemies and one I use for single enemies like bosses. being able to save loadouts would have helped a lot. I would like to compliment Bug Fables on allowing you to restart any boss with different medals without having to repeat cutscenes, and commend it for letting you do-over your level up bonuses late in the game when it starts to matter.

it's not like spending a lot of time on strategizing before fights is strictly mandatory. I was mostly playing on hard mode where enemies have more health and more difficult attacks, and mostly with a medal called Hard Hits that makes all enemies deal one extra damage in exchange for extra money after each fight. it can be less difficult if you'd like, but it's never mindless; even if you're doing a strategy that manages 20 or 30 damage (again, a lot in this game) in a single turn, it takes effort to choose your medals to do so much damage and actually play the strategy out in combat. the combat strategy is the best part of Bug Fables, and it makes each fight almost like a puzzle. I've typed some form of "strategy" six times so far, which is fair because it's the best part of Bug Fables. don't let it put you off, though, it's RPG combat strategy, not chess-like or RTS or something, so if you've enjoyed any other turn-based RPG it should be easy to get used to.

it's also worth mentioning the ample side content. each chapter of the game unlocks a handful of side quests, some about trading, some about combat, and almost as many bonus bosses as main bosses. you're allowed to fight them fairly early on, and a few become available after the final boss that are actually a bit harder than it in classic Paper Mario fashion. basically, if you like Bug Fables, there's a lot of it to play. there's even a trading card minigame because of course there is. it's fairly fleshed out, too, and unlike the one in Chocobo Tales the animations between turns don't take six years. the reward for the whole card side quest isn't something that's important for combat, so you can skip it if you don't like it; I didn't especially like it so I think that was a great decision on the developers' part.

rewards for some of the other side content, though, are so good it's kind of a wonder they can be completely skipped. it doesn't make the game harder to not have those skills or medals, but they are some of the best in the game and undeniably really useful. they make great side quest rewards in that sense, but it's important to know for the people that usually wouldn't do side content. I don't know if that's a common kind of player, but just in case. (this game's 100% achievement has been earned by a sky-high 5.9% of players on Steam. usually it's more like 2% or less. the point is none of the extra content is overly obtuse.)

I will complain about the forced stealth sections though. and be astounded that they fixed the main issue with them in the last stealth section. these are minor caveats and take well under an hour total unless you're really, really, really bad at sneaking, but they bothered me when I got to them. I mean, I understand why they're in the game, I understand why Zelda has them, but I didn't really like them. the main issue for all but the last stealth section is that there's no vision cone or other indication that "if you stand here they will see you" or even an opportunity to recover from mistakes which are incredibly important for playable stealth. the last stealth section does have a vision cone and does have an opportunity to recover from mistakes, which is a great step up. I would like to use even more italics to remind you that these sections total less than an hour of gameplay. Zelda: Breath of the Wild's forced-ish stealth was much worse than this.

I don't know where else to put it, so I'll add here that the soundtrack is great and the graphics are perfectly Gamecube-y and the sprites capture the cuteness of Paper Mario really well, even though they're, you know, bugs. each environment is distinct and themed well, and each one’s music matches well. I really wish I knew how to talk about music because there are a lot of different songs in this game that work well for what they go with. boss music sounds intense and boss-y and appropriate for each boss you're fighting, the not-music hits just right, and everything else feels good. some songs use Nintendo 64 MIDI instruments, which I loved. and the bee boss music has a synth that sounds like bees buzzing.

anyone that likes RPGs -- and even some people that don't -- will probably enjoy the story and strategy that make up the excellent Bug Fables. it goes beyond being a homage to Paper Mario and becomes its own thing entirely, though its roots are obvious from the art style. not that this takes away from it -- Paper Mario is a great legacy, and this manages to be even better. for all its little bad things there are a dozen great ones. I admit I haven't played the classic Paper Mario games, but this made me want more -- I guess I'll have to go back while I hope for Moonsprout Games to continue forward.

#bug fables #bug fables the everlasting sapling #my writing #this was also on amazon luna but i didnt figure anyone would care if i omitted it #also screenshots i took myself wow

[demonfox38]

Completed - Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

Oh, my language is going to be vulgar on this one.

So, I'm a crusty millennial who likes old garbage. Most of the media I like is old enough to drink and be a member of the US congress, but probably couldn't be due to the country that produced it. Now, I'd like to think that I've got good reasons to like older media, particularly when it comes to video games. It's a bit hard for my NES to bug me for microtransactions/DLC and emanate the screams of children and man-children alike. But, as much as I like my retro junk, there's one thing I'm very, very happy about regarding modern video games. The variety of game types now-a-days is a blessing. It's rare that someone is stellar at all game types, and I sure have my weaknesses.

It took me a long time to realize that I could be good at video games, and I wholly blame the glut of 1980s platforming games on that.

Look, platforming is not a forgiving genre. Particularly, back in the day where you had characters dying in 1-3 hits before factoring in death pits. It existed then for the reason that fourteen million instakill indie horror games exist now. Instantly killing the player is a lot easier to code than, say, having to track a health bar or their new position as an enemy swats them into a different room. Sometimes, a coder's gotta do what they can to keep themselves sane.

But, from a player's perspective, this style sucks!

Getting good at a platforming game requires practicing the same levels over and over again, developing a sense of your character's inertia and limitations. Without a save state or a warp to narrow in on a particularly troublesome location, it's hard to get learning to stick. You could lose a lot of games and time trying to put it all together. And some poor little character is always suffering because of your ineptitude! Such failure feels like a fork in an electrical socket. Succeeding in these circumstances requires a great deal of emotional resilience and a contrary attitude. And you know what? That's just not something I had as a kid. In fact, one could say I had my aggression and competitive drive scolded out of me. I'm just now getting that back.

So, yeah. I had a little trouble with "Zelda II: The Adventure of Link."

"Zelda II" is part of a trifecta of NES games that get routinely shit on by retro reviewers. Like its peers "Super Mario Bros. 2" and "Castlevania II", this game is generally considered an inferior game due to an extreme change of gameplay and appearance from its predecessors. And you know what? That attitude sucks. I'd rather have a variety of different games with a cast I like than have them pigeon-holed into one genre. In "Zelda II"'s case, however? The game mechanic shift was so extreme that I can easily see the ire it raises. Hell, I felt it. I wouldn't go so far to say that it's the worst Zelda game ever, but man, does it have structural defects.

In "Zelda II", Link's goal is to save an ensorcelled Zelda from eternal slumber by picking up a Triforce chunk that was pitched into a fuck-off palace way at the edge of Hyrule. (No, not the Zelda from the first game. Another Zelda. Same Link, though.) To do that, he's got to slap six gemstones into various temples across the countryside. Naturally, that includes picking up his trusty sword, leaping into battle, and then maybe straight into a death pit.

That's right. This Zelda is actually a Mario.

Further complicating the matter is a sharp switch in battle style and item accruement. While the previous Zelda game was about room management and ranged combat (or at least, as much as that was allowed), this game is all about jamming Link's dinky sword into an enemy's face and running off as fast as he can. Now, Link can learn a few tricks to help with the slash and dash, like directional stab mechanics and spells. But, as far as getting new weapons to help you? Sorry, bud. No bombs or boomerangs here. Well, except for the assholes throwing boomerangs at you, anyway. You just can't steal them.

The game encourages polishing the player's skill with Link through a level system. After acquiring XP through good ol' fashioned monster murdering, Link can cash his points out, improving his life, magic, or attack power. As the player levels him up, stats become more costly to improve. If Link gets a total game over before you use your XP, it is wiped out. Alright, fine. Fair, I guess. But, I wouldn't recommend looking at Japanese footage of this game if you don't want to give yourself a migraine. It turns out that as a part of some rebalancing, the level-up system was stacked to try and keep players from dumping all of their points into a single stat early into the game. Particularly, attack. Considering how painful and annoying enemy logic gets in this game, it's such a drag to learn that Japanese players literally could cut their way right out of that struggle. Thanks for dicking with the game design again, American publishers.

I guess we got better looking sprites and sound effects out of the deal? Hooray for wiggly Barba.

Even with leveling mechanics and a handful of heart and magic containers, this Link feels much frailer than the original Zelda's Link. Like, it's hard to believe he's supposed to be the same guy. Even at max health and defense, you could get Link wiped out with 8-32 hits (as opposed to 16-64 hits from the first game.) Exacerbating that is a life system that can yoink those health bars at any pit's whim and Link's range/health restoration being tied to a limited pool of magic. It feels like you're playing with a ceramic replica of the original character. You can make it work in a fight, sure, but you'd rather have a sword than a shard of a broken teapot.

If you don't have a bushido-level acceptance of death, you're not going to make it very far in this game. I'm not being hyperbolic. You have to accept that you are going to kill Link. You're going to watch that little fairy boy fade to black as the world flashes around him, and you're going to see that a lot. You're going to toss his bitch ass into the river to get a game over and restock your lives because fuck if you're going to wipe out inside a dungeon and have to start your bitch ass back at Zelda's temple again. That little counter on the main menu isn't how many times you have wiped out. It's how many times you've clawed your way out of the abyss with a middle finger raised.

Oh. Minor epilepsy warning on boss and Link deaths, by the way.

Having gone full bleak there for a moment, there are a few pieces of knowledge that can help slow down the cycle of life and death:

There are towns with nice ladies in red dresses and orange robes that will heal your ass for free. You should talk with them a lot.

There are classes of enemies that will drop items after they have been killed six times. Most of the time, this is a magic bottle that restores MP. Sometimes, it's a bag of experience. No monster will drop anything to heal your HP.

Also, some enemies are literal rat bastards that steal your XP. Some also give you no XP on killing them. Yeah. I know. Annoying.

The Life spell is in Saria. The downward stab is in Mido. (I realize these are very strange sentences if you're more familiar with "Ocarina of Time.") Getting these can make a night and day difference in surviving the game. So, keep that in mind.

You do get a spell that will turn you into a fairy. You can use it to game pits and sneak past lock doors. Just don't abuse it too much. It's expensive.

The dungeons have this little statue in front of them that you can whack with your sword. In most locations, it'll drop either a magic bottle or an Iron Knuckle. Game entering and exiting a dungeon as much as possible to restore yourself to full vitality.

You can get into random fights on the overworld (represented either by a little black blob or a more threatening human-sized blob.) Staying on gold roads will mean these encounters produce no enemies.

Also, you can use those random battles to override forced platforming sections. Not that I would recommend cheating in such a fashion. 😉

The game will give you a level up after you plug a gemstone into a dungeon. If you're close to leveling up anyway, turn around and grind up to the top, cash in what you've got, and then go pitch that gem.

Link has a crouch, not a duck. You think pressing down on the D-pad will evade projectiles aimed at your face, but it does not. Crouching is only good for blocking floor-level garbage. It's best not to think of the down button as much as possible, really. Only use it to pick up crap off the ground and cheese the final boss. Otherwise, jump.

I know that I said earlier that "Zelda II" is mechanically like a Mario game, but you know what other perspective might help? Try and play Link as a Metroidvania Castlevania character. There's an attack style in games like "Castlevania: Symphony of the Night" and "Aria of Sorrow" where you walk, jump, and attack in such a way that you never stop moving forward. That's what you've got to do. Walk, jump at an enemy, bonk on forehead. (Depending on how fast you press the attack button, you may need to delay swinging your sword just a teeny bit. At least, I had a bad habit of swinging too early.) With any luck, when you hit the ground, you will be able to keep on moving. You do not want to get stuck playing "poke-the-hole" with your enemies, particularly with how turtle-y some of them can get.

So, the game's a brutal bitch, but I don't want to spend the entire time shitting on it. Let's talk about improvements.

Honestly, I like the sprite style of the side-scrolling sections better than the previous game. Everyone/thing has more room to be rendered, so they look clearer. I can't say the monster or dungeon design here is my favorite, but hey. Easy to see. Yippie. Could have used a map though. Maybe some more tile textures in the dungeons?

NO. STOP. BE NICE.

There are more people around that want to help Link out. Like, whole towns filled with helpful healing ladies and dudes that will teach you magic and the occasional sword strike. Most of their conversation makes sense (although, there's a memetastic fault in translation regarding a character being named Error instead of what I'm assuming should have been Errol.) People good. Want to help people. People help me.

Except for towns where some of the people are monsters, and one of the times they overlapped a healing lady to get text box priority, and then they killed me. Boo.

I'M SORRY. I HAD A HARD TIME.

The music variety is pleasant. Only a few tracks have escaped the game to go into use elsewhere, but there's only one that I'm really iffy on. The NA release did a fine job transposing what they could using a different sound chip, and there are striking uses of the sample channel being used in ominous situations.

But…like…I struggle to see where fighting through this game is worth it. And maybe it comes down to the final boss. Like, the penultimate one? Absolutely cool. A bitch to fight, but I can't knock how massive and intricate its sprite is. But, the final boss? I suppose it comes down to personal tastes, but I find mirror matches/rivals to be exceedingly dull. Like, good for you. You know how I fight. I do too. Come back to me when you know the weaknesses of my style and use a fresh set of skills to throw at me.

Like, it's not the worst ending in the Zelda series. (My vote for that would go to "Link's Awakening.") You do get Zelda saved. But, given that the final boss is some kind of dark clone of yourself…it begs a lot of questions. Was there any concrete plan for the forces of darkness in Hyrule, or were various monster tribes just scuffling around, being dicks without any overarching plan? Were some monsters trying to keep you out of the Great Palace for a good reason? Would there have been any threat of Ganon reviving at all if Link just…sat on his ass behind a castle for the next century or managed his anxiety in a different way? Why does the manual bother to separate Zeldas and the game does not? Oh, wait. The Japanese intro correctly distinguishes this and the American one does not. Why am I not surprised? What's the difference if you don't see the Zelda you saved from the first game, anyway?

This game is a lot of work. I had to psych myself up to play it every time, and by the end, I was rattled enough by my nerves that I literally camped in my bathroom for a few minutes just to make sure I didn't get sick on the couch. Very stressful. And I'm not sure that stress was worth it, frankly. Life's hard enough as it is right now. I literally have a stress rash on my neck from the shit I'm going through in real life. No, you did not need to know about that. But maybe you need to know that I've been having a hard time lately, and this game did nothing to alleviate me from the stresses of reality. And what's the point in checking out from reality if a fantasy world is just going to make me miserable, too?

There are better games to play in this style. Hell, there are better games on the NES in this style. You know what you should go play? "Faxanadu." It's uglier than "Zelda II", sure. An absolute idiot when it comes to basic mathematics. But it's very chill about platforming and death. And maybe I just want to chill the fuck out for a while.

#post game evaluation #zelda ii: the adventure of link

[igottoomuchwriting]

Sincerely, Me (Chapter 1)

Series: Part 1/Next Chapter

Evan rushed in the front door of his house, stumbling as he hurried to take of his shoes.

“I’m sorry!” Evan rushed out. “Connor saw me walking home and wanted to hang out and I didn’t want to say no because he was having a bad day then I lost track of time and forgot we were going to hang out, sorry--”

“Evan, dude!” Jared huffed out. “It’s chill. I was just surprised you weren’t here and had to make sure you didn’t die.”

Evan looked at Jared, who was laying on the couch with he shoes kicked up on the coffee table. He was always relaxed when he was here, which Evan sometimes envied. It’s his own house and he feels uncomfortable a lot.

“Sorry,” Evan said again. Jared sighed, but said nothing else on the topic.

“How about we get Mario Kart going, eh?”

“Uh, yeah, okay.” Evan quickly went to his TV and started to set up their Wii.

It was silent between the two, which confused Evan. Jared basically loved the sound of his own voice, so it wasn’t uncommon for him to be talking nonstop.

“So, what, you got the hots for Connor now?” Silence broken. Evan shot Jared a confused look.

“What?”

“I gotta say man, usually when people have a type, it’s people that have vague similarities. They’re not usually siblings.”

“Wait,” realization hit Evan and he shook his head. “I don’t like Connor like that!”

“You never forget anything, Evan,” Jared laughed. “You always double check and are always obnoxiously early for everything in existence. Then suddenly, Connor Murphy--high school druggie, I might add--takes you somewhere and you forget I’m coming over?” He shrugged and leaned back in the couch. “Sounds like love-struck to me.”

“I’m not--That’s not what it is!”

“What is it then, Evan?”

“We’re friends.” He turned back to the TV, continuing to hook up the Wii. It was more difficult when you have a cast and can’t completely grasp the wires. “Nothing more.”

“What did you guys even do then? Get high?” Jared gasped dramatically, putting his hand over his mouth for better effect. “Did Evan Hansen smoke weed?”

“No, Jared!” Evan sighed and looked down at the ground in defeat. “He just--he remembered that I liked nature and what not, so he took me to the abandoned orchard in town. He showed me the field that was in the middle and he said we should climb a tree, but obviously I couldn’t because of my cast.”

“Anything else?” he pushed.

“Well, um, we talked about bands and singers we liked? Apparently, he likes a band called Hollywood Undead, and he made fun of my music choice--”

“Like any logical person would.”

“--and then he brought up homecoming because it’s coming up soon, and it’s our senior year so that’s probably why he brought it up? He asked if I was going or if any girls would ask me. I returned the question and asked if he would go, and he said that not even a girl could make him go.” Evan laughed. “It was funny because I asked if he liked a girl and said something like, yeah, a girl, so I thought I had crossed a boundary because why would he share what girl he liked with me?”

Jared stared at Evan in disbelief. At this point, he was leaning forward on his knees and had his hands in front of his mouth, almost like a prayer.

“Are you serious?”

“Y--yeah?”

“Evan, oh my god!” Jared yelled. “You are the most thick-headed person I have ever met!” He laid back and threw his hands of his eyes. “He’s gay!”

“What? No, no he’s not gay,” Evan argued. Jared stared Evan in the eyes.

“Evan,” he mumbled. “Evan, he doesn’t like a girl. You said when you asked, he was standoffish?” Evan nodded his head. “That means he doesn’t like a girl. In fact, he doesn’t like any girls!” Evan opened his mouth to rebut, but it clicked.

“Oh my god.” Evan put his hands in his hair. “How did I not notice?”

“Because you’re dense.”

“What do I do now?”

“I don’t know man. It seems like Connor is gay,” Jared walked over to where Evan was sitting and placed his hands on his shoulder, leaning down to his ear, “and it seems like he is gay for you.”

Evan pushed his hands off and shook his head.

“No, Connor isn’t gay for me. He doesn’t like me. We’re friends, Jared.”

The two stared at each other for a second. Evan had panic set in, because if Connor does like him--which he doesn't, there is no way--then Evan would lose a friend because he doesn’t like Connor in that way. He may like that he is so nice to Evan, that he actually cares for Evan, that he will text Evan and make sure he eats something. He may like that he once offered Evan his coat because it was raining and Evan didn’t bring his because he thought it was going to be hot outside, but these are all things that friends do for friends, and Evan likes it in a friend way.

He likes Connor in a friend way.

“Alright,” Jared threw his hands up in defeat. “Live your life in denial, Evan. But don’t come crying to me when Connor confesses his undying love for you.” Evan said nothing in response. He put in Mario Kart and gave Jared a controller as he sat down next to him.

---

Homecoming is slowly approaching, and everyone is getting ready. There are couples planning outfits, friends planning rides, and everyone preparing for spirit week next week.

Connor and Evan sit in the lunchroom, watching everyone buzz around in excitement. They were both watching a girl talk to her boyfriend in the corner, where she was most likely calling him out for talking to another girl. No surprise, though. Senior boys don’t care about Freshman girls.

“I don’t think I will ever understand the hype for homecoming,” Connor mumbled. “Why is everyone excited to sit and watch a game where we will have our asses handed to us, a dance performance where you can’t even hear the music, and go to a dance where at least one fight happens, and three couples break up?”

“The drama?” Evan guessed. Connor shrugged and turned around to face Evan.

Ever since Evan and Jared had that conversation, Evan was always on edge if he and Connor got on topics of relationships. He also watched his thoughts on Connor.

He knows he is letting what Jared said get to his head, but he can’t help but overthink it. He knows he likes girls, he has only ever liked girls his whole life, so there should be no way that he has a crush on Connor.

He almost had a panic attack when Connor walked into school the other day with his hair up in a bun and his first thought was “he looks good”. Connor couldn’t understand why Evan was freaking out, and Evan just lied and said that he was worried about a test he had that day.

Which wasn’t completely wrong, but still.

“Next week is going to be hell,” Connor groaned. Evan looked up from his lunch to shoot him a confused look.

“Why?”

“Everyone is going to be dressing up, and I won’t be, and I don’t want to hear the passive aggressive comments about how I don’t have any fucking school spirit.” He folded his arms and laid his head down. “I don’t need to fucking deal with that shit all week.”

Evan nodded his head in agreement. There was only one day that he tried dressing up, but no one even noticed that he was, and then Jared proceeded to make fun of him for dressing up, so he never did it again.

“Well, you won’t be the only one not dressed up,” he hummed. “I won’t be dressed up either.”

Connor lifted his head up, seeming to consider what Evan said. He looked Evan in the eyes and gave him a small smile.

“True.” Evan quickly looked back at his food, face warm.

Why was his face warm? Was he blushing? Why would he be blushing? He can’t be blushing, because there is no reason to be blushing. Connor just smiled at him. Friends smile at each other all the time, right? There’s no reason for Evan to be blushing at his friend’s perfect--

“Evan?” Connor asked. Evan snapped his head back up towards him. “Are you okay? Your face is really fucking red.”

“Um, yeah, uh--” Great. He is blushing. Connor can tell that he is blushing. He doesn’t know why though.

Evan doesn’t either.

“Just--hot. Yeah, I’m hot. That’s it.” Connor didn’t seem to belief that, but before he could comment on it, the lunch bell rang. “Oh look, I have to go to class. Sorry, bye.”

With that, he was gone. He threw his lunch tray away as he walked out the doors and quickly merged into the high school traffic.

He needs to get himself under control before Connor finds out and stops hanging out with him.

Evan was home alone. Not an unusual thing, but today he is way too happy about it. He needs to write his letter for therapy, and he doesn’t want to risk his mom seeing what he’s writing.

Dear Evan Hansen,

           Today was a good day, and here’s why–

Will his therapist find it weird that he is writing it in past tense?

Probably.

This week is the week before Homecoming. One of the most stressful weeks in high school life. Everyone will be dressing up and planning dates and I will be left out of it. As always.

But this year, I won’t be alone. I have my new friend Connor to hang out and talk with during the whole time.

He won’t be dressing up either, so I know people won’t judge me for not dressing up.

His counselor does know who Connor is. One appointment, Evan had come in and according to his counselor, was ‘happier’. He explained that he had made a new friend, and this led to the explanation of how he and Connor met.

“I’m glad you exclaimed to him and opened up about the help you are getting,” his counselor had commented.

I had forgotten that I was supposed to hang out with Jared one day after school because Connor picked me up and took me to an abandoned orchard. It was the sweetest thing anyone had done for me.

Evan quickly erased that sentence.

It was a kind gesture. I’m guessing he remembered that I love nature, so that must be why he took me there.

He may have also been apologizing to me for yelling. He was yelling at me, but he snapped when I asked him about his parents and why he was upset. I’ve learned he doesn’t say sorry, but he does things to show that he is sorry.

I guess I say sorry enough for the both of us.

Evan continued to write. Sometimes he would just space off as he wrote. He loved these moments because that showed his anxiety was truly calming down and it was a nice break.

It was about 10 minutes before he started paying attention to what he was writing. He shook his head to get himself out of the empty-headed state and re-read what he just wrote.

Connor is honestly a good friend, and it’s a surprise no one has wanted to try talking to him. I get that he is known for being a stoner and violent, but even people who are not into stoners should try talking to people who look as good as Connor does.

A few days ago, he wore his hair up in a messy bun. He said it was because he hadn’t showered in a few days, and even though he was used to his hair being gross, he didn’t want to deal with it that day. I wanted to tell him that he should really try taking care of himself better, but who am I to judge? I can go days without eating.

Is it bad that I also didn’t want to tell him so I could have a chance of seeing him in a messy bun again in the future?

Evan slammed his laptop closed. He could feel his face heating up.

There was no way he could show this to his counselor.

#dear evan hansen #connor murphy #evan hansen #connor x evan #tree bros #fanfic #fanfiction #sunwriting #chapter 1 #part 3

[nyangibun]

Jonsa prompt - drunk Mario Kart drinking game. Pretty please

“If you hit me with that damn shell one more time, Jon Snow!” 

His laughter bursts out of him like he hadn’t expected it and Sansa has to stamp down on her own smile. In her peripheral, she can see him shaking his head. “How are you going to get me back when I’m so far head of you, Sans?” 

She kicks at his shin. “I’m just not used to playing anymore!” 

“Do you know what I hear?” he says, casual, as his avatar crosses the finish line, “all I hear are excuses from a sore loser.” 

She kicks him harder this time and Jon yelps. “I am not. I’m just –” She scrambles for a real excuse and settles on, “out of practice. Unlike you and Robb, I actually have a life, okay?” 

Jon puts the controller down on the coffee table and turns to look at her. The smile on his lips makes her want to kick for the third time. “Sounds like a sore loser to me.” 

Sansa isn’t naturally a competitive person. She doesn’t have the same drive for it like her siblings do. She has always been someone who prefers spending her time productively and she never saw sports or games as particularly that productive. But over the years, Sansa’s come to realise that the more she drinks, the more competitive she becomes, and with two glasses of wine in her, she is ready to fight Jon if she has to. 

“Or maybe we should make this interesting,” Sansa says, a smirk pulling at her lips. In the back of her mind, there is a small, sober Sansa yelling at her that what she’s about to say is a very bad idea, but there are also several hundred dancing drunk Sansa’s to tell her to shut up.

Jon leans forward, intrigued. “What do you have in mind?” 

The tiny Sansa screams louder but Sansa just shrugs. “A game.”

“We’re already playing a game,” Jon says with a laugh. He flicks her nose. “Or have you forgotten, Sansy pants?”

She scrunches up her nose with disgust. She hates that nickname and he knows it. “No, a game on top of a game!” He looks dubious so she continues on. “It’s like truth or dare but – okay, so any time one of us gets hit by the the other with a shell or loses a race, we have to choose: truth or strip.” 

Jon blinks, inhales deeply and moves further back in the sofa. “That’s not a good idea.” 

Sansa shoves him. “Why not? We’re two grown adults. It’s not like I’ve never seen you shirtless before! C’mon. It’s just for fun!”

He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “What happened to Princess Sansa who wouldn’t even join us in the lake because she didn’t want to get her hair wet?” 

“Uh, I had just gone to the salon, of course I wasn’t gonna get it wet.” Anyone would think that was obvious. “So are you in or not? Or are you afraid I’m gonna kick your a –” 

“Alright but don’t say I didn’t warn you that this was a bad idea,” Jon says with another deep exhale. Someone would think she has a gun to his head but at least he’s playing with her and that’s what she wants, so she ignores his reluctance, not really in the right mindset to wonder why he is or why he has a very, very valid point. 

“Get ready to lose, Jon Snow!” 

Two games in and Sansa’s already told Jon about the time she broke her mum’s expensive vase and let Theon take the fall for it and how Margaery is technically her first kiss because they practised before Joffrey took her out on their first date. And the fact that Margaery and her actually dated for a few months when they both moved to London for uni but that ultimately, they each preferred being friends more. By the third game, Sansa is done telling truths and she’s too drunk to be self-conscious, so when Jon, of course, hits her avatar with a green shell, she tugs at the hem of her shirt and flings it across the room.

“Fuck, Sansa!” Jon shouts. “Warn a guy before you do that!”

She giggles and scoots closer. “What? Do bras make you uncomfortable? Is it because you don’t know how to work them?” He rolls his eyes at her reference but there is still a very visible flush on his cheeks. Sansa pokes him. “If I make you so uncomfortable then maybe you should stop hitting me with shells!” Although her words are teasing, there’s a lilt of hurt. She knows Jon only really sees her as a little sister but doesn’t he find her the least bit attractive? Is that why he was so reluctant to play with her? 

He opens his mouth to say something but Sansa’s drunk and sober selves are feeling a little sad now and she doesn’t want to focus on it so she puts on a bright smile. “C’mon, unpause! I’m for sure going to kick your ass now.” 

Jon sighs but does as she asks. She puts all of her effort on the game, silence descending upon them, which is bizarre considering it had been nonstop chatter since Sansa came to crash at Jon’s flat when a pipe burst at her own.

By some stroke of luck, Sansa does win. The first out of at least ten games and she jumps up and throws her controller down onto the sofa. “I did it! Oh my god, I did it!” 

Jon is laughing at her and she points at him with a devilish glee. “Truth or strip, Snow. Choose wisely!” 

“I choose truth.”

“Ah, spoil sport,” she groans, dropping back down on the sofa.

“The truth is you don’t make me uncomfortable,” Jon says. “Not in the way you’re thinking.” He’s closer now and Sansa has to turn to look at him. “It’s just – fuck, I don’t know how you haven’t figured this out already but I think you’re probably the hottest girl I know and it’s really annoying, okay?” 

This dumbfounds her. She doesn’t know what to say to that so she doesn’t say anything at all. She just grabs her controller and smiles. “Next round?”

But now, it’s too hard to focus. Jon thinks she’s hot? How? When? Why? It’s too much for the drunk Sansas to grasp and sober Sansa is nowhere to be found. She wants to figure it out, to understand why this is so monumental to her or why she can’t stop glancing at him. It’s all she can focus on, so when Sansa finally hits him with her shell, she doesn’t notice, until he laughs and goes, “I guess I’ll strip this time.”

Before she can even comprehend what he had just said, Jon is already taking off his shirt and something just clicks. She doesn’t fully grasp what her body has already realised but she goes with it, throwing her arms around his neck and pressing her lips sloppily against his. Jon freezes beneath her and she feels his hands on her arms, pushing her back. She’s positive she’s just been rejected. 

“I’m… You started it!” she shouts instead of apologising. “Telling me I’m the hottest girl you’ve ever seen. How was I supposed to handle that? And then you take off your shirt! It’s - it’s a lot, okay?”

Jon laughs and circles his hand around her wrist to tug her back towards him. “Yeah, this is all my fault,” he murmurs, peppering kisses to her nose, cheeks and then a brief one to her lips. “Not you who decided we need to play truth or strip.” 

Sansa giggles when he leans in for another kiss, deepening it further. “I still stand by my idea being amazing.” 

Jon laughs against her lips. “You’re right. Your idea is amazing.” 

They’re too drunk to do anything other than make out but Sansa does end up in Jon’s bed, cuddled up against him, instead of the guest bedroom, and when they wake up the next day, feeling the after-effects of excessive drinking the night before, they of course decide that having sex was the only true cure for it.

It doesn’t work but they don’t care either. 

#jonsa #actuallyjonsa #jonsaff #my fics #asks #anonymous #kjahdksjhfdsk idk

[undeadimpulsereviews]

Super Mario Odyssey Review

Super Mario Odyssey is a beautiful and interesting world trotting adventure that feels right at home within the franchise. The gameplay has a classic feel to it that both adds something new and utilizes the ideas of old to keep things interesting. The world that surrounds the Mushroom Kingdom has never felt bigger and the possibilities are endless thanks to the new central mechanics of the game. Nintendo is going all out with the new titles on the switch in terms of their presentation; however, in the end, it’s still a very generic Mario game in a lot of senses.

Super Mario Odyssey has a lot of great features that make it an enjoyable title; sadly, the story falls short from the rest of the game. To put it simply, it’s a Mario story. That may sound terrible, but it all feels generic. Bowser kidnaps Princess Peach and it’s up to Mario to save her. The formula hasn’t changed in years and, for Odyssey, the same applies here. The only differences stem from the idea that Bowser is rushing to force the Princess to marry him. It’s an interesting alteration from just having Bowser sit there and do nothing but wait for Mario to stop his plans but, at the end of the day, it’s the same story that Nintendo has presented for years. 

Nintendo doesn’t even need to replace Bowser as the villain. While the studio has shown that the famed Koopa King can play second fiddle to another antagonist; It’s as easy as altering the motive or method. Bowser doesn’t have to kidnap Peach every game. Sonic games reuse Dr. Robotnik all the time; however, he isn’t using the same tactics to reach his goals. If Bowser wanted to take over the Mushroom Kingdom, or “win” the princess, then change up the formula. It’s like the entire story of Bowser’s life centers around the saying “If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.” Yet, in Bowser’s case, he never learns from his mistakes, he’s a one trick pony that can even do the one thing he sets out to do.

Bowser aside; there are some interesting new additions to this games story. Thankfully, there are a slew of new characters on both sides. Bowser isn’t being aided by the koopalings or Bowser Jr. this time around. Instead the player is introduced to the Broodlings.

These new villains are a group of rabbit wedding planners. Just like previous henchmen, they are tasked with one thing; Stop Mario from foiling the plan. Along with them, there is an entirely new rogues’ gallery of bosses to fight throughout the game. Some that may take similarities from previous bosses and others that are new from the ground up. 

Aside from characters, Super Mario Odyssey gains a lot of praise from it’s vastly expanded world. Much like Super Mario Galaxy, Mario is introduced to many new places outside the Mushroom Kingdom; however, instead of exploring the reaches of space, it’s an adventure around the world. Each kingdom is completely different from the last. The best part about them is that they all are so different. Their ecosystem, economy, inhabitants, and way of life; a lot of effort and thought went into building this unknown world. One moment someone may be exploring a kingdom where the citizens are cooking utensils; the next, they’re in the big city enjoying a concert with Pauline or riding a scooter.

The colors, scenery, and atmosphere are one of the best things about Odyssey. While the game can be beat in a simple amount of time; the world itself truly feels bigger than any other Mario game before it. The game feels so different, but at the same time some how classic.

The game feels fairly similar to a couple past titles in the franchise, mainly Super Mario 64. Mario isn’t jumping through stars or cleaning streets with a water jet pack; it’s a step back, but in a good way. The gameplay has some new features, but it’s clear that Odyssey tries to utilize the roots of the original Mario 3D platformers. Mario moves the exact same way he always has but, in this game, he is very grounded. There are no special power caps, or cannon stars to propel Mario. The newest mechanic of the game actually stems from a character.

Cappy, a denizen of the cap kingdom, has joined Mario on his adventure. With this, now players can throw Cappy at foes to easily dispatch them; however, some enemies and other NPC’s are special. It’s not really explained how but, honestly it doesn’t need to be, now Mario can possess things through Cappy. This presents many new ways of platforming. Is the next platform to high? Then just take over a frog. Can’t swim fast or breathe under water for too long? Control a cheep cheep. This idea presented a lot of interesting puzzles throughout the game; however, it felt somewhat scarce.

For being the crowning new thing for the game, there wasn’t a lot of necessity to transforming. There were a couple power moons that required Mario to change; as well as, platforming sections that were near impossible to traverse without the mechanic. That is unless you know some speed running tricks or the like. Though, due to the fact that there are so many Power Moons to collect, you can get most of what is needed without the transformations. In fact, the truly challenging moments of the game only come during post game. There is a total of 999 Power Moons in the entire game. A lot of these moons are locked off until the player progresses through the game; however, the ones that are present give leave a very boring impression. Walk five steps from your ship and ground pound a mound of dirt; congrats, you’ve achieved a power moon. Now jump over the rock formation to the right and talk to captain toad; well done, that’s another power moon. Go to the store and, guess what, buy a power moon for one hundred coins. Now, yes this is a game where the demographic is meant to be children of a certain age, but those kids aren’t three year old toddlers who need mother Nintendo to hold their hands and give them a free pass.

The game is only truly difficult if the player is a completionist; the number of power moons aside, there are legitimately difficult moons to collect in the post game. Still a plethora of easy and unnecessary ones that could have just been taken out , but if someone is looking for the challenge it’s there. the addition of almost one thousand moons just makes the game feel longer than it needs to be. The player doesn’t need to get them all to finish the game, but it still feels lazy, and that’s just the start. The gameplay is good, but there is just so much about some of the details that change the way it’s seen. Unlike other games in the franchise, Super Mario Odyssey does not have any form of game over. The character can die and when they do they lose coins and then are respawned; however, this means that there is no repercussions for death. Once again this only effects those players that wish to one hundred percent everything there is in the game. Coins are used for only two things in the game; One is to buy power moons while the other is to obtain outfits.

These outfits are purely aesthetic, save for a select few. Some moons require Mario to wear a specific costume; once he does it a free no effort power moon. Otherwise, the costumes are for looks until post game. Present at the end of the game is an achievement system that has kept track of things throughout the game that, when achieved, gives you more simple power moons. So, dying a lot will set people back if they plan to get everything but, unless the person fell off the edge, they can always pick up their lost coins and then some. Once Mario dies every coin he picked up in the stage re-loads; this makes dying trivial and a minor inconvenience that means nothing. To some this may seem like a great change, or nothing all that relevant; however, game overs are one of the best thing a game like this can have. The set backs it brings and the challenges presented have always played a key role in bettering gamers to strive to overcome that which trips them up. Removing this downplays the game and, as stated before, makes for a boring experience. 

Overall, when the game performs well, it’s an 8 out of 10; however, there are just so many things about the game that just don’t sit well with me. When the games at it’s lowest it’s a 7 out of 10. The game is a good and fun game, but it has it’s boring moments. The story is becoming outdated and overused; however, there were new and interesting ideas presented. The game can be boring at times and the gameplay does take a hit in some areas; whether it’s a big problem like boring and overly simplistic collectibles that are the core item of the game, or something small like how awkward it feels to swim sometimes. The game isn’t perfect, but it is enjoyable.

Sorry for the delay on this; school, illness, obligations, the same old stuff and just a different day. I’ll be releasing the reviews this month between now and the end of the month. There aren’t set dates but I do plan on getting every thing out before February. Next review is on the manga, In This Corner of the World. Until then however, have a good day and thanks for reading.

#super mario odyssey #switch #nintendo #nintendo switch #gaming #video game #video games #review #super mario #cappy #mario

[synatria-studios]

Let's Talk About Platformers

Hey, it’s Aria Tempest here! Lead Artist and co-creator of SynAtria! Since we’re making a platformer game, I wanted to go through and talk about some games in the platformer genre that you may have overlooked or maybe you’re hoping to get into platformers but you aren’t sure where to start.

Most people when they think of platformers probably think of Mario games so I won’t be putting any in the list, though Mario Galaxy was one of my first favorites, Mario Sunshine is a classic, Super Paper Mario is a great casual time, and Mario Odyssey is perfection in the genre. I think everyone’s definition of platformer is a little different. I’ve seen people call Portal 2 a platformer and I’m not sure I’d agree since it’s mostly puzzles where you occasionally get to do a really cool jump or two.

I consider a game a platformer if the main bulk of the gameplay is platforming. It can have some puzzle or action elements but not more than the jumpy bits! Anyways let's get started with the list!

Shovel Knight

This game is incredible, probably the best 2D platformer to date. If you haven’t played it you should and if you have played it then have you played the other campaigns? There are 4 campaigns total, Shovel of Hope (The main storyline), Plague of Shadows, Specter of Torment, and King of Cards. You can also do two player mode with a friend (or just anyone you can get to play with you I guess). Also have you tried changing things about the characters? There are loads of secret codes you can put in for various effects (like moon jump mode and giant mode) or you can just change character pronouns and genders. I often turn Shovel Knight into a girl for some cute WLW (women-loving women) gameplay and then I often make everyone else a girl too just to see their changed character models. You can make the pronouns gender neutral as well, which is something that I think is really important to put in games with gender options.

So for context, my experience with the game is having beaten Shovel of Hope several times, Plague of Shadows one time, Specter of Torment one time, but I’ve only played a small amount of King of Cards. So obviously I haven’t played the new card mini game or the new fighting game Shovel Knight Showdown.

The gameplay is based around which character/campaign you pick and in my opinion the easiest characters to pick up and play in order are Shovel Knight, Plague Knight, Specter Knight, and King Knight. Playing Shovel Knight is an easy and fun breeze though not without its challenge. Learning how to play feels new and natural at the same time. I’m not sure I’d say that for the rest of them. It took some time for me to get proficient with the other playable characters, especially King Knight, who frustrated me to learn. The game is a 2D platformer done perfectly. Jump, attack, get new items and abilities, and several different play styles. Also something that isn’t often seen done well in 2D platformers, they managed to do branching paths without it feeling metroidvania-like (like you need a map) and they were able to throw in several types of collectibles, some of which are well hidden!

I should mention the death system. Anytime you die 25% of your total money is dropped where you died even if you’re in mid air. You then respawn at the start of the level or a checkpoint. If you can get back to your money then no big deal, not even a loss. However if you can’t get back (die on the way over) then you’ll continue to lose money and each previous money bag will disappear. It’s a pretty good and simple system, not too punishing. Though it’s embarrassing to finally get back to your money only to die right in front of it, just leaving piles of money bags in the same location over and over. Some people commonly compare this to the death system in Dark Souls in which when you die your collected souls are left in that location and you have to retrieve them before dying again. While I get the comparison, that’s really where the similarities start and end.

As far as the level design, it’s genius. Each level has a great flow to it and has incredibly different feelings. Most levels have their own mechanics and enemies that need to be learned how to overcome. Everything feels very meticulously planned out to the point that you’ll probably be just running around having a great time without even thinking about it. If you’re a level design lover like me, I recommend watching this video on one of the levels on Shovel Knight if you want to get a feel for how they designed the whole level to flow together perfectly. ❀

As far as collectibles, each campaign has a unique item that you collect throughout it. In Shovel Knight the item is a music sheet that you can turn in for rewards and extra dialogue. I think it’s important in games for collectibles to feel like more than just a number. They should give extra story, items, or maybe images you access in the main menu instead of just giving out a single achievement and nothing else. I like achievements and achievement hunting but I think it’s best when a game does more than that to reward it’s player, which Shovel Knight does well.

The soundtrack is perfect and they know it. They even have songs as collectible rewards that you give to a bard like character that gives extra info about the game and songs with each music sheet turned in. Jake Kaufman did the music excellently and I can only assume the bard like character is based on him. The songs feel memorable, catchy, exciting, and retro. They're retro in the way that someone today who loves retro game music may have taken that love and made something brand new and exciting for the current time, not in the way that it sounds exactly like it just comes straight from an old game which I think plays in its favor.

The look of the game is beautiful, the backgrounds and movements look lovely and it’s a pixel art game that’s clearly been made with lots of attention to detail. Sticking to a retro feeling, they did the game with just the color palette that an NES could do and only added a few additional colors where needed. The thought process going into giving this game the right feeling and look is incredible.

One of my only regrets in life is not having known about this game’s kickstarter. For the ones who pledged enough, they get their face in a specific part of the game. Every time I get there though I always say hi to two specific portraits, one being Matt from BestFriendsPlay and my favorite one being Arin from GameGrumps. If you haven’t seen them yet I recommend trying to find them. The first time I played I scoured the area for Arin’s portrait like a treasure hunt.

For the story, it’s not that big but I loved it; I felt so invested. There’s a segment at the end of certain levels where you have to catch the girl you love and it immediately gets my heart pumping. I was all in on rescuing her from second one. People often complain about games in which a female needs rescuing, often games in which her only personality trait is being easy to kidnap. This game steers away from that, with the girl being gone, you can feel the loss and desperation to get her back from the cutscenes and you can see her as a person outside of just being someone who is kidnapped. She has friends, a life, and even a personality! (Oh my)It does a great job at establishing the two character’s strong love and bond. As for the other campaigns, Plague Knight never had me tearing up (unlike Shovel Knight), though I did adore it. However I felt that Specter Knight’s campaign was really lacking. Though maybe that’s because I’m a romantic loser and there wasn’t any romance in that one. Did anyone else feel less invested in the Specter Knight storyline? Also for those who have played it, what did you think of King Knight’s storyline?

Overall it’s an incredibly fun game that everyone should give a try if they like the genre, though just note that the story isn’t huge but it makes up for it in every other way it could.

A Hat in Time

Super cute and friendly feeling, I remember seeing gifs of the main character blowing kisses at enemies and knew I had to try it out. This game excels at giving you happy feelings, with fun dialogue as well.

Story wise it has a lot of fun elements and lots of different characters. Each world has its own character types, and while they’re all fun and interesting, they don’t feel very connected to each other. That aside, the main character is a silent protagonist type, but plays it very well using noises and expressions that in the end give her as much personality as anyone else. You aren’t going to feel super emotionally invested in the plot and characters, but you’ll have an excellent time.

With collectibles there are so many different types. There are yarn balls, which give new abilities (hats) when enough are found. Relics, sort of a multi piece collectible, you need to find a few of a certain type to make one, like for making the burger, you’ll need the top and bottom of it. Once you put them together it unlocks a bonus level, which is reminiscent of the secret levels in Mario Sunshine, with a focus just on platforming with no story, as you just kind of jump around random cubes in space. I could not love segments like this more. ♡ Finally there are rift tokens, which you can use to get random cosmetic options, such as different looks for your hats, different color palettes for your character, or music remixes. I loved these because I’m a sucker for character customization, and will frequently change my appearance several times in a sitting. I’m the type of person that plays Animal Crossing for 1 hour and changes my look three times during it to match my current mood. I definitely want to add character customization to lots of games we’ll make, I think it adds a fun element to it.

The gameplay is bouncy and energetic, and the levels are great at having separate paths with secrets in them that, even when long to explore, feel really easy to go right back to where you were at the start of the path. Several times I was impressed at the perfect wrap arounds since some games you look for a secret and get lost or just have to back track with nothing other than maybe a respawned enemy or two. You have different powers tied to whichever hat you have on and I find things like this to be very fun in 3D platformers, though I will say that some of the hats don’t feel as useful as others and you won’t put it on often. (Looking at you, sprint hat. Why do you have so many cute customization options if you’re just going to suck?)

So for this one I’d recommend it because it takes a lot of classic older 3D platformer feelings but does them with a fresh feeling. It’s less trying to figure out the genre than it is showing why the genre is amazing.

Cave Story

This game impresses me time and time again and I think I’m addicted to buying it on every platform I can. This game was made by one man in his free time over five years and it was free to play for quite some time; surprising given it’s quality. I’m glad that they started selling it though because they deserve the money for this excellent game.

The gameplay isn’t too complex. Mostly platforming challenges and instead of close range attacks like most platformers, you actually have several different types of guns. You can get several weapon types throughout the game, then you collect these little yellow triangles (I always called them Doritos) to level up each weapon. Each weapon’s level cap is low, but each level up gives a better version of it. Taking damage will level down your gun however, but getting it back in shape isn’t too hard. The only thing to keep in mind is if you want to level up a gun you aren’t currently using, then every time you see the Doritos you have to switch guns to whichever one you want to level, pick up the Doritos, then switch back. Not hard to get into the habit of, but a bit of a pain.

As for the story it blends with the gameplay very well. The world, characters, and story all feel very interconnected. I think it’s important for games to not feel like THE CUT SCENE SECTION and THE COMBAT SECTION. The world feels real and the characters are easy to start caring for. It’s one of those games that can make you laugh or tear up, and as you play you’ll feel yourself become the character and want to know more about the people around you and the world itself. Most games throw you in and tell you who your character likes and implies that you’re invested in the world around you from even before the start. While I don’t mind that approach at all, it’s interesting to see it done like Cave Story where you’re a stranger in the world with no memories or attachments and you feel yourself make them as your character does. It lets you really look at the world through your character’s eyes.

Some cool features of Cave Story + specifically includes different difficulty settings, multiple versions of the soundtrack to choose from (all with their own beautiful and unique feeling. I like playing with the Cave Story + one or remastered, but if you want to hear it all badass sounding then Ridiculon covers that), a really fun Local Co-op where you can play out the whole game with a friend, and you can change the graphics between the original graphics and the remastered ones whenever you want in the settings. I personally love when games implement this. The first time I saw it was Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary and when I realized that I could go between new and old graphics even while in game just by pressing a button. Man, I wasn’t even playing that game anymore, I was just walking around looking at grass textures and switching it back and forth like a madman.

Also this game can get challenging towards the end, and if you want the best ending, you’ll probably have to look up what to do ahead of time, because none of what’s needed to be done will be something you do naturally in my opinion.

Overall it’s fantastic and if you can take a bit of challenge it should really draw you in.

DLC Quest

This game is small, short, but very fun, especially if you’re familiar with common gaming tropes.

The writing, characters, and story, are all based around common tropes in gaming, poking fun at them but exploring them in new ways, much like the movie Cabin In the Woods in the horror genre. The writing is very clever and funny. At one point there’s an area with a sign that says “Allan please add world” which is a reference to the game Hitman: Blood Money where the description of an item reads “Allan please add details” and has been referenced in many other games. The game writing knows itself well, to the point where several characters point out being part of a game, or make it clear which pointless NPC role they’re clearly meant to fill.

In the gameplay it’s basic jumping and platforming without much attacking, though there is one important detail. You don’t have access to most gameplay elements until you pay with coins in the game, poking fun at something I hate, DLC microtransactions type of stuff. At the start you can’t even move left or pause the game without paying coins first. It turns the game into an interesting experiment, that while it was done well, I wish was longer.

Level design isn’t amazing however. Falling could make you have to redo way too much platforming and I’d get lost on multiple occasions. Though I am known for getting lost in games easier than most, most of the other games on this list don’t come anywhere near this issue.

I recommend giving this game a try. It’s an interesting look at gaming and a fun time, but it obviously isn’t going to blow you away or anything.

Ori and the Blind Forest

A beautiful game where everything looks and sounds amazing. The first few minutes might make you cry, but after that you probably won’t care as much, very similar to my experience with the movie Up.

The story isn’t important though, because it shines in it’s gameplay and art. I will say one way the story suffers is if you’re in a scene you actually really care about the plot and as you move your character you feel like you’re in it and you’re trying to make it through and figure out what happens next, then you die over and over. Every time it sends you back, that obviously gives the story scene less and less impact and by the time you see the ending of the scene you don’t even care, you just want to save so you won’t have to go through that section again.

The gameplay is amazing but challenging. Mostly based around jumping (it even has double and triple jumps yay~), wall jumping (kind of similar but sadly isn’t present in most games), and attacks. Your character feels fairly weak and though they get stronger this is not a game you can just run through without thought. The save system in the game is based on how many points you have and it takes some points to save so you have to pick your save locations wisely. This is one of those games where you could end up doing a platforming challenge that takes a few seconds to do but you keep dying on it so then you have to redo that few seconds 50 times over. Then I’ll immediately crawl over to a save spot, happy that I did one small feat in this big scary world. Throughout the game you gain different very fun and helpful abilities and there’s also a skill tree which is rare for platformers. Put in points you get while playing into one of the three branches to continue expanding on each one. When you start the game and look at the tree, all ready to be filled out, you’re probably going to find something to get excited to save up for. Try not to focus on only one branch though unless you know what you’re doing.

I recommend this for gamers who would like more of a challenge. If you liked Super Meat Boy you’ll like this, though I found Ori to be less punishing. Finding collectibles and exploring the world is so much fun and if you can handle throwing your tiny, cute, and frail body into spikes constantly then you’ll have a great time. This and Cave Story are good when you really want to just have some platforming challenges without overly thinking about story and other elements.

Grow Home

A shorter game (especially if you don’t plan on getting all the collectibles) but with a really nice feeling to it. The story is very basic (well honestly almost non-existent) but it doesn’t really need one. You go around as a cute little robot, jumping and climbing to collect things.

As far as the climbing goes, it almost reminds me of playing Girp as a young teen. Most of the gameplay consists of holding two buttons back and forth to climb around the world. The fact that climbing is done mainly with two buttons back and forth (similar to Donkey Kong King of Swing) can mean it can hurt your fingers after a while, so keep that in mind.

There are tons of collectibles throughout the world but the world is relatively small and the types of collectibles are limited. Besides scanning individual new objects and creatures, the only form of collectibles are glowing blue crystals found throughout the world. It sounds same-y but you still feel excited every time you spot a new one and once you see it, the next thought is how do I get to it??? The answer to that while usually simple, can take some time but you generally feel satisfied and have fun exploring as you go. For most of the game you locate the crystals through sound so if while playing the game you put on a youtube video, I’d keep the volume low. Also keep in mind, your little robot character moves around like they’re drunk. Wobbling all over the place even while jumping. It can make it more of a challenge but it’s cute to watch and fun to move around.

Do you know that feeling when you’re rock climbing, you’re high up, you see the rock climbing wall above you stick straight out, then you look down and feel absolutely terrified? This game gave me that feeling several times, which I did not know was possible, but my body almost felt scared that I was actually going to fall. I’ve never had a game give me that feeling, and you might think well that’s terrifying, why would I even want that, Aria? Because reader, it was exciting and really put me in the game. It made me feel like I really grabbed that crystal! Also, I hate actual rock climbing so I recommend a version where you can’t actually fall in real life.

Something to note is there really isn’t any music. Most of all the noises are ambient sounds and occasional cute robo noises. Personally I watched a youtube video while I played.

Since it’s small and relaxing though, I’d say it’s worth giving a go, though I wouldn’t get it if you need something fast paced or with story. Patience is the key in this one.

Psychonauts

Finally Psychonauts. While this list has no order, Psychonauts isn’t just my favorite platformer or collect-a-thon, it’s my favorite game of all time. It embodies a lot of what I’d like to put into games, from writing, to gameplay elements, to level design.

The story is wild to explain but as you play it doesn’t feel weird at all somehow. You’re a psychic who wants to go to psychic summer camp so you run away from your home at the circus to go there and you get to know the other campers, hope your parent’s don’t try to take you home, solve conspiracies, and try to become a psychic soldier aka a Psychonaut!

The gameplay and story connect pretty well and the story is very engaging. The game is known for its amazing writing and it often took me by surprise. Also you know how NPCs or filler characters often are boring and aren’t much to think about? That is not the case with this game, each character no matter how small intrigues me and gets me thinking about their life. Several characters will sometimes say random dark things when they think you aren’t in earshot and I’m still to this day thinking about Dogen or Crystal and Clem. Also if you want some excellent dialogue, the first level, Basic Braining, has a section where you’re in a plane. My advice? Don’t exit the plane. Sit there and listen to what Vernon has to say. He goes on for longer than you’d expect, it’s amazing and I still think about what he says to this day. Though he does start looping at one point so then I just leave him there while he’s still talking. This is a game where more likely than not you’ll get engaged and pulled in by the characters, the plot, and the world.

Can I talk about the art? Please, I’m begging. I adore it. It’s so weird and unique to itself. It doesn’t seem to be trying to be anything but it’s own thing and in the PS2 era this came out in when I was a kid, it blew my mind. I recently even drew myself in the style of this game, just as a challenge since my own art varies so much from it. I think most art styles vary from it. Here’s my attempt at it. How’d I do?

Next I have to mention the powers, I love games with different abilities in them and this game has quite a few. They’re very fun to use in battle, but I recommend also testing them all out on NPCS as well. Try setting a camper on fire with pyrokinesis, or use clairvoyance to see how your teacher actually views you. Clairvoyance is my favorite but after that, Levitation is the best. It creates such a fun way to explore and move around the world.

In games like these I love collectibles and I think it’s super important to make the game in a way where it’s fun to traverse the world and with this one I love it so much that one of the ways I treat myself after a hard day is doing a 100% completion playthrough of this game. Sadly there’s only 1 form of customization in the game but it is fun. You can change the color of your levitation ball. I used to do pink to be cute but there’s a later level that feels dark and gives me the creeps so I always use white in that level like it’s a glowing nightlight to protect me.

This game has the best level design I’ve ever seen. Each level has different themes and feelings in it and plays differently. Each level is supposed to represent the mind of a different character and they capture it amazingly. Every little object and detail in each world feels like the character that you’re in the brain of. Then after a level the camp is a perfect hubworld, comforting to be in but also has occasional changes or cutscenes that you can trigger by finding them at specific times making the hub world itself feel alive and evolving. For a great secret location I recommend looking for the hidden room in Milla’s brain. I call it the nightmare room and I love it. Also which level is y’all’s favorite? Mine is the Milkman one, not just due to the humor and theming but I find it the most fun to jump around and explore and with the way the world twists and turns around it provides a completely unique experience. They’re all great though! (except for Sashas)

This game has my favorite collectible system. Tons of different types and different rewards for different types and it lets you revisit old levels to get ones you missed. The game even shows which levels and even which section you’re missing things in. They have collectibles in the hub world too! Also The collectibles feel like they’re all fun concepts in the world, unlike a meaningless item. The collectibles are memory vaults (which give you backstory to whoever’s brain you’re in), emotional baggage (Such a cute concept. You have to find a bag and a tag for it that match each other, then the bag will stop crying and you’ll get a cutscene of the bag and tag happily reuniting!), Cobwebs (You’ll see them throughout brains and they can be turned in for Psi Cards), Psi cards (You’ll see them in the hub world), Psi Cores (Use one core with 9 cards to make a Psi Challenge Marker which levels you up. Leveling up can upgrade your powers!), Scavenger Hunt Items (Turn them all in for level ups), and Figments (figments of the imagination, colored cute drawings that you’ll see all over brains. They’re a bit transparent though so finding them all can be a challenge).

This game is fun to 100% but I’ll give a piece of advice and a warning. My advice is in the first level, when there’s a punching game, try playing it more times. Keep going, dude. My warning is that it’s fun to find everything (except for the fairy figment in Napoleon’s mind) but there’s one segment in Milla’s mind called The Race that is absolutely awful for collecting in. It might make you nauseous or give you a headache. The section was designed to run through it fast but when I replay it to look for figments, I have to go slow and methodical which I find makes the colors more nauseating at that speed. It’s hard to go backwards in it as well and it’s hard to even see the figments due to the color choices in this section. Fair warning. Also don’t worry about beating the game before collecting everything. At one point there’s a save called POINT OF NO RETURN that lets you know that it’s time to backtrack if you missed anything.

Overall I recommend this one most of all for it’s clever use of writing, level design, and collectibles. If you want a good impression of some feelings that’d I’d want to implement in SynAtria’s games, it’s this one for sure.

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If you want to know more about our games, check out Wintercearig, or support us on Patreon to see the latest info on the platformer we’re working on!

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Thank you for reading! Let me know in the comments your opinions on these and what some of your favorites are!

#platformers #listicle #video games

[starryeyed-char]

On Your Marks

More of the YouTuber AU!!! Find this series here on my AO3.

This is more fluff, but don’t worry I have a lot of angsty plans for this, too. Plus, lots of unrelated things coming up are also full of angst. So look forward to that, I guess. Or don’t, depending on how you look at it.

This particular one-shot features Lance, Keith, and Hunk all making an appearance on Pidge’s channel, and the four of them play Mario Kart. As you can probably guess, they all take it pretty seriously. ...hopefully you won’t be confused if you’ve never played the game.

“Hello, fellow nerds, and welcome to Pidge Plays,” Pidge began in a deadpan voice, staring at the camera blankly. “Today we're playing a game from one of the most haunting periods of the human race— Lance's childhood.”

“Wow, what a great way to introduce guests on your channel, Pidge. I could learn a thing or two from you,” Lance said, with obvious false cheer.

“As you guys can see, I have visitors,” they swept their hand at the three other people seated on the couch. “Hunk and Lance's channels will be in the description, but don't check them out because they suck. Keith's not actually a YouTuber, but you guys seemed to want him here, anyway.”

“I only came because Lance said you needed a fourth player,” Keith muttered under his breath.

“If you, for some reason, neglected to read the title to this video, then we're playing Mario Kart!” Hunk finally spoke up, doing jazz hands. Pidge shot him an unimpressed glare.

“I could be continuing my Undertale Let's Play,” they grumbled. “But nooo! If I want to get invited to come bake with Hunk, I have to let you guys come into my house and play Wii!”

“Don't... don't you mean Wii U?”

“Keith, you poor uneducated swine,” Pidge started, earning a snort from Lance. “Yes, there is a Wii U version of Mario Kart. And I, naturally, am a beast at it. But the original Wii version is much better, so that's what we're playing.”

“I like the newer one better,” Keith claimed, sitting back on the couch with his arms crossed.

“Well, you're on my channel now, bitch,” Pidge declared with a grin. “And I'm not gonna let you do whatever the hell you want, unlike loverboy over here.”

Lance pointedly ignored their comment. “He just likes the newer one because we own it, and he's managed to beat me at it, like, once.”

“The Wii U version has underwater races, and parts where you get to fly!” Keith argued. “And more characters!”

“Keith Kogane, Mario Kart elitist,” Pidge said flatly.

“Sorry, Keith, but the original is way better. You'll see,” Hunk started up the game, going through the motions of the menu. “Solo or Team?”

“Keith and I make a pretty good team,” Lance smirked at his boyfriend. “But he never does anything.”

“We're doing solo races, asshats,” Pidge seized the Player One remote from Hunk as they said this, making the settings as hard as they could possibly go.

“I'm better at Battles,” Hunk informed them mournfully, as the character select screen appeared. He almost immediately chose Baby Mario, while Pidge's cursor was on Toad in a heartbeat. The two of them had clearly played this game numerous times before.

Lance stalled in favor of watching Keith with an amused expression.

“This is why we should've played the other one,” Keith grumbled. “The character I like to use isn't even here!”

“What, Shy Guy? With the creepy mask and red cloak?” Lance failed to repress a laugh. “Oh man, what a shame. You could just be Bowser instead. He's angry, and breathes fire. The villain of the story. Definitely gives off a you vibe, don't you think?”

Keith rolled his eyes, and selected a different character. “I'll just be him.”

“What the f—?! But Koopa Troopa is my character, Keith!”

“You don't have to censor yourself on my channel, Lance. I curse all the time,” Pidge assured him, stifling a laugh.

Keith looked like he was trying not to betray his own amusement. “You wanted me to be a turtle, didn't you?”

“Yes, but not my turtle!” Lance exclaimed, exasperated. He eyed the screen again, and sighed dramatically. “Pidge, can't you be Toadette? Toad is my second favorite, and they're basically the same.”

Pidge narrowed their eyes. “Fuck you. I'll be whatever gender mushroom person I want. If they're so similar, why don't you be Toadette?!”

Lance tapped a finger to his chin thoughtfully. “If I'm going to be a girl character, then it's go big or go home,” he decided, moving his cursor over to Rosalina. “Literally.”

“Oh, not Rosalina!” Hunk complained. “The star is so distracting, and not just for you, man!”

“The star is cool,” Lance insisted. “Besides, you guys forced me into this.”

Pidge nodded grudgingly. “As long as you're not Princess Peach. I've had enough of racing against her to last me a life time.”

At Lance's confused look, Hunk elaborated. “Shiro and Allura were here the other week to play this on a live-stream. Allura decided to play as Princess Peach, and she was... unusually good at the game, for a beginner.”

“So who was Shiro, then?” Keith asked curiously.

“Funky Kong,” Pidge supplied. “At least he made an effort to be ironic with his choice.”

Lance scoffed. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Hey, you're using Rosalina,” Pidge pointed out. “Anyway, what races should we do? There are four in a cup, so we all pick one.”

“Koopa Cape,” Lance said immediately. “It's the best one.” Pidge nodded appreciatively, and selected the race.

“So, what're we playing for, anyways?” Hunk asked as he maneuvered around a particularly sharp turn. “Other than just bragging rights?”

“Do we honestly need anything other than bragging rights?” Lance grinned as his character rocketed to the front of the pack.

“I was thinking that whoever loses has to pay for the pizza we get,” Pidge suggested. “Assuming you guys want pizza.”

“Now I wish we had pizza with us, like, right now,” Hunk complained. “But seems fair to me.”

“Are you guys serious?” Keith groaned. He was nearing the back after getting a false start. “That basically guarantees I'll be paying for it!”

“Don't you mean I'll be paying for it?” Lance glared at Keith before fixing his eyes on the screen once again. “This idiot didn't even remember bring his wallet, so I'm going to have to pay for him, as usual. Still love him though, even if he's completely hopeless.”

Keith slumped further into the couch, blushing.

“You two sicken me,” Pidge declared. “But, yeah, sorry Lance you'll probably end up paying. Ooh, hey, second lap!”

They didn't make it very far past the starting line again before Lance had bumped both Keith and Pidge off the side of the cliff, sending their racers into the water below.

“That's cheating!” Keith exclaimed angrily, turning his wheel so forcefully that his newly resurrected turtle drove directly into a wall.

Lance merely shrugged, still in first place. “Hey, don't look at me. You guys are the ones that decided to be small characters, and as a large character, I can easily knock you off the course. Not my problem.”

“How about I just knock you off the couch?” Pidge asked, kicking Lance in the back to send him onto the floor. They were somehow still in third place, even after dying.

“Hey!” Lance protested. “Real life interference is cheating!”

“Why don't you knock Hunk off?” Keith demanded, now managing to race backwards. He was quickly in last place. “He's the one in second, and Baby Mario is a small character, too! If I lose, you'll be the one paying!”

“You're going to lose anyway,” Lance pointed out. “And why would I ever knock Hunk off? I need him there to intercept all the items the computer tries to throw at me.”

“I feel so loved,” Hunk sighed. “Luckily, I keep getting bananas.”

“Intercept this,” Pidge said suddenly, and they all heard the telltale sound-effect of a blue shell taking flight.

“No!” Lance desperately zigzagged around the course, trying to race faster despite his lack of mushrooms, as if he could somehow outrun it. “But I had a lead! How could you do this to me, Pidge?”

Pidge just cackled in response as the winged shell exploded on Lance, giving them just enough time to pass both him and Hunk, winding up in first place. Pidge stood on the couch, holding their Wii remote up high.

“What's next?” Hunk asked, patting Lance on the back, who was still scowling into his bowl of chips.

Keith scanned the names of the races. “Well... Moonview Highway sounds kind of fun?”

“Absolutely not,” Pidge and Lance said at the exact same time.

“Keith hasn't played this version before, and therefore should be stripped of all voting rights,” Lance decided. “Moonview Highway is an abomination.”

“Not as bad as Grumble Volcano, but agreed,” Pidge nodded. “Hunk, you choose the next race.”

“Maple Treeway?”

Lance bolted straight up. “No. Pidge knows all these crazy shortcuts on that one! They'll destroy us all!”

“Too late. We're doing Maple Treeway. This is my channel, and if you don't like it, then go back to your own.”

“Rude,” Lance sniffed, but he picked up his controller and started racing anyways.

“If you think Pidge cheated, tell us in the comments,” Lance stage-whispered to the camera. They were still doing a victory dance around the living room in time with the music from the game. Pidge, of course, had won, with Lance and Hunk coming in second and third, respectively.

“I hate this game,” Keith mumbled. He came in twelfth place. Out of twelve.

“Let's do a Battle, then!” Hunk suggested. “Coin Runners! Lance and I against you two.”

“You're pairing me up with Keith?” Pidge squawked, incredulous. “He'll drag the team down. He won't be able to get a single coin! I'll lose for sure.”

“Hey!”

“You're more than capable of carrying the team, Pidge,” Lance waved a hand dismissively. “I might even go easy on you.” He winked at Keith, who promptly ignored him.

“We're the red team,” Keith decided, and Pidge nodded eagerly.

“That makes us blue, buddy,” Lance grinned at Hunk, and high-fived him. “We got this.”

Lance and Hunk won by a long-shot, as Hunk was much better at Battles than Pidge, and Keith was absolutely hopeless at steering. Pidge turned off the Wii before their victory ceremony, however, to prevent Lance from doing a dance of his own.

“Alright, well, screw my plans for next week,” Pidge decided, pointing in all of their faces. “You three are coming over again, along with Shiro and Allura. I demand a rematch, and we're doing it tournament style. The winner between us will play the two of them. Team Versus racing, and I refuse to team up with Keith.”

Lance dusted off his shoulders with a smirk. “Don't worry, Pidge, we'll—”

“I meant that I want to team up with Hunk,” Pidge interrupted bluntly, giving him a high five as they said so.

Lance clutched his chest. “I'm wounded!” Hunk smiled apologetically.

“Sorry, Lance,” Keith shrugged. “Guess you're stuck with me.”

“I always am,” he huffed, before leaning closer to his boyfriend and speaking in an exaggerated whisper. “Don't worry, Keith, my little sister still owns the game. We'll make sure you're actually somewhat decent at it by next week.”

“Can't wait,” Keith deadpanned, far from thrilled at the prospect of spending the next week racing against Lance's fifteen-year-old sister.

“So we're all in?” Pidge asked excitedly, and the three of them nodded.

“Believe me, I'd never miss a chance to destroy you guys at Mariokart,” Lance laughed, and stood to walk out the door. “Now, let's go get some pizza.”

#klance youtuber au #klance #voltron #vld #voltron legendary defender #au #youtubers #lance mcclain #keith kogane #pidge gunderson #non-binary pidge #hunk garrett #mariokart #video games #fluff #cute #platonic bonding #fluffy #fanfic #fic #my writing #racing #competition

[fizzingwizard]

Okay then. Yagami Taichi. So that's Y/A/G/M/I/T/C/H. And Izumi Koushiro is I/Z/U/M/K/O/S/H/R. Give us your wisdom, oh great one.

Finally answering! Thanks for your patience. OK, I’ll put the answers under a cut because I accidentally added a couple ficlets teehee. Also got Yamato and Daisuke in my inbox so will get to those soon~

Yagami Taichi and Izumi Koshiro under the cut

Yagami Taichi

Y: What is one question they’ve always wanted an answer to?

Why does what everyone else sees as courage feel so much like fear?

A: What are/were this character’s best subjects in school?

In elementary school, he just barely made the grade by in pretty much everything. Outstanding marks in P.E. Otherwise, generally too energetic and distracted for homework. He was very much that kid the teacher genuinely likes yet wishes was in someone else’s class some days…

In high school, well, Tri verse seems to have made him into a pretty standard, “life happens to me” type of high school student, but I like to think that his sense of leadership and resourcefulness would make him a bit more of a go-getter. I think he’d buckle down to some extent — perhaps for most of his high school career, soccer would be first in his mind, and some subjects would just not be his thing. But charisma, public speaking skill, and leadership ability would definitely show through in group projects, presentations, debate, that sort of thing. So I think his best subjects would probably be social studies, government, and perhaps English.

G: How do they flirt?

If he tries to flirt on purpose, he acts like Marty McFly, minues the oedipus thing. Luckily he’s not a very flirty guy. At least not at first. After he’s been in a relationship for someone in a while, however…

“Stop licking my ear.”

“But it’s delicious. I just want to eat it up.”

“I am not your dinner.”

“Of course not, you’re too sweet for that. You’re dessert!”

“That is so cheesy.”

“Would you like it if I ate cheese off your naked body, sweetums?”

(Of course, he’s really trying to be funny here, more than he is trying to flirt. In truth he remains an awkward, fairly oblivious lover his entire life, and his redeeming qualities are his positivity and affectionate nature.)

M: What is their favourite dessert?

Chocolate banana! At festivals he breaks them in half, sticks them under his tongue and parades around as a walrus. But honestly he’ll take fried food over sweets.

I: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves?

He doesn’t really think about it. If you asked, he’d open his arms wide and say in a loud, child-like voice, “Thiiis much!” But he has his real lows as well as his real highs. Sometimes he’s bitter. Sometimes self-pitying. Sometimes he thinks someone else, anyone else, could do a better job at being Yagami Taichi than he does. But he shakes himself out of it pretty well usually, or someone helps him to it. He gets by thanks to his friends.

T: Where are they ticklish?

“I am not ticklish. At all. Anywhere.”

“You definitely are.” Yamato looked like he was struggling not to laugh, which only made Taichi frown harder.

“Maybe when I was a kid, and overreacted to everything.”

“Yesterday, when Jou tapped you on the shoulder, you started squirming around.”

“I was surprised, not ticklish. I do not have ticklish shoulders.”

“Okay,” Yamato sat down on the edge of the couch. Taichi immediately scooted back against the arm and pulled his legs in. “What are you doing?”

“I sense danger.”

“You think — I’m not going to tickle you,” Yamato sighed. Then his eyes narrowed. “But if you’re not ticklish to begin with, why are you worried?”

“Not worried,” Taichi harrumphed. “Not ticklish either.”

“Fine, you’re not ticklish.”

“I’m not.”

“I just said that.”

They fell quiet. Yamato picked up the remote, started to flick through the movie selection on TV. Meanwhile, a muscle worked in Taichi’s jaw as he sat beside him with tense, folded arms.

“Taichi.”

“Do NOT tickle me!”

“I’m not going to tickle you! I was going to tell you to unclench! I’m getting a charley horse just watching you!”

(In sum: He is not ticklish. At all. Anywhere.)

C: Can they swim well?

Like a fish. An exceedingly ungraceful fish. Like a torpedo when Sora’s in the water too and he wants to start a splash fight.

H: What is their deadly sin?

“Let’s see, there are seven deadly sins, right?” Taichi frowned. “Uh, I don’t remember what they are, so.”

Koushirou began to tick them off on his fingers. “Pride, wrath, gluttony —”

Yamato let out a low chuckle. “Gluttony, for sure.”

“You shut up.”

“Yesterday you ate the ramen and fried rice special, the large size, for lunch,” Yamato remarked, cool as you please, while glaring daggers down his nose. “After which you ate my fried rice too.”

“I was doing you a favor,” Taichi pouted. “You couldn’t finish it.”

“Admit it. You’re a glutton.”

“I’m a gourmand.”

“Pffft.”

“It’s thanks to people like me that your beloved matcha Kit-Kats became a thing.”

“— Envy, greed, sloth, and lust,” Koushirou finished, not appearing to note the interruption.

Mimi squealed. “Lust! That’s it for sure!” She clasped her hands over her chest. “If we only knew the nights he lies awake in bed, tormented by desire, confused, all alone with his turbulent teenage hormones —”

“In your dreams!” Taichi shouted.

He threw a pillow at her. She ducked. Sora lunged between them and snatched the pillow before they could begin an all out war in Koushirou’s pristine office.

“Taichi’s deadly sin is not lust.” She rolled her eyes. “Unless it’s lust for nachos.”

“Not you too,” the glutton groaned. “Gimme that pillow.”

“No.”

“You’re no fun.”

The pillow smacked him in the face. “I’m not what now?”

“How about sloth?” Hikari suggested.

All eyes turned to stare at her. She blushed. “Well, it takes him fifteen minutes to roll out of bed in the morning.”

“Traitor!” Taichi said with what the others supposed was meant to be righteous fury, but sounded rather more pitiful with his face squashed into a pillow.

“We still haven’t heard from the accused himself,” Yamato pointed out. “If Sora can be obliged to stop suffocating him for a minute.”

Sora acquiesced in favor of sitting on Yamato’s lap. Very serious, Taichi cupped his chin in his hands as he gazed at the coffee table.

“My deadly sin,” he began — pausing for dramatic effect — “is greed. I want too many things,” he went on, quietly, eyes unfocusing as if looking far into the past. Somewhere he didn’t like to go too often. “Like wanting to win without losing anything. Wanting strength without getting hurt. Wanting peace but also wanting change. I’m greedy.  I can’t… accept the way the world limits me.”

His friends stared. For a moment, thoughtful silence reigned. Then:

“So you admit to being a glutton.”

“Damnit, Yamato!” Taichi drove his fist into the arm of the couch amid the flurry of giggles that spread throughout the group. “I am trying to have a moment of self-reflection here!”

“Sorry,” Yamato said unrepentently. “Everyone, he wants a moment of self-reflection. Show some respect. No more titters for fifteen seconds.”

“Ten,” Sora corrected, “No, better make it five.”

“Better make it zero,” Taichi growled, “if you want a decent head start before I rip you all to shreds. With my teeth.”

“How about Mario Kart?” Koushirou said, digging through the box of games.

“… OK, fine. With Mario Kart.”

(You could, and probably will, argue that his sin should be pride. It’s a common one for shonen protagonists. But I’ve never really felt that Taichi is prone to pride, or arrogance. His big struggle with just that, the infamous SkullGreymon episode, isn’t enough for me to put it down a major character flaw. Taichi’s bossiness and optimism to the point of naivete don’t come from an overblown image of himself for the most part. I think he really does just, as the song goes, want it all and want it all now. And being the leader puts him in a position of constantly having to make sacrifices he doesn’t want to make. That’s my reasoning, but you’re perfectly welcome to yours.)

Izumi Koshiro

I: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves?

He might put it at 8.4. Generally he is happy with himself. He values hard work, creativity, thirst for learning. He also values friends and family. As long as those things are first in his life, he feels pretty good. But if something slips, he beats himself up pretty hard. And he’s not so great at talking himself out of it. In those cases he needs a dose of perspective from the people who love him and understand how hard he drives himself.

Z: How do they sleep?

Like a log or not at all. Also a light snorer. The type who snores through a closed mouth while lying on his back. If he rolls over on his side, no issues.

U: What’s their voice like?

Gentle, neutral, precise, neither high nor low. Everyone listens the minute it’s colored by some emotion. Always apologizes afterward. Someone hug this kid.

M: What is their favourite dessert?

Creme brulee. He is secretly quite fancy.

K: How do you know when you’ve upset them?

Most people don’t. Those closest to him, though, find out pretty easily, because he tells them. Very frankly. (This he learned from a long friendship with a certain big-haired blockhead who doesn’t always notice when he’s being an ass.) And he forgives them quickly as well, once he knows they understand what they did that hurt him. He always wants to be fair and hates pettiness. Though now and then he has a petty moment ahaha.

O: What would it take to break them, inside and out?

WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THIS.

but seriously, it would probably be losing the trust and support of his friends. He may have a bunch of solitary hobbies, but Koushirou really, deeply values his loved ones. He’s not cut out for perpetual loneliness. Similarly, if he felt like he could have helped more but didn’t, hello guilt trip.

S: How stealthy are they?

Can be quite stealthy. He’s short and soft-spoken, easy to overlook. But the reason why he wants to be stealthy tends to influence his judgment. Case in point…

“Koushirou…” Taichi stared, jaw hanging open a bit, giving him a rather stupid look which Koushirou felt compelled to warn him off. But before he could say a word, Taichi linked his arm around Koushirou’s neck and dragged him bodily down the hallway to the boys’ restroom.

Inside, he found the farthest unoccupied stall and, to Koushirou’s extreme confusion, locked them both inside.

“You’re not going to dunk my head in the toilet, are you?”

“Excuse you, what do you take me for, some kind of boneheaded jock? Wait, don’t answer that.”

Taichi looked nervously through the crack by the door hinges. “Taichi-san, what are we doing?” Koushirou sighed.

“What are we doing? What are you doing? What is that,” he cried, pointing emphatically at Koushirou’s collar.

“This?” Reaching up, Koushirou’s fingers adjusted the purple bowtie he’d painstakingly selected to match his silk lilac shirt. “This is a bowtie.”

“It looks you pinned some kind of moth through your button hole.”

Koushirou’s brow knit. “Does it? I thought it made me look sort of dressed up.”

“Why would you want to though?”

“Well, we are at a dance, you know. I just wanted to make sure I blend in. It would be horrible if tomorrow everyone was talking about how I was the only one inappropriately dressed.”

“Uh, I hate to say this, but haven’t you noticed that nearly all of the guys came in their school uniforms?” To illustrate his point, Taichi gestured at his own attire. He had indeed come in his school clothes. His shirt was even tucked in for once.

A streak of crimson colored Koushirou’s face. He looked down. Taichi’s eyes darted back and forth as he struggled to come up with something to say. Just then, the bathroom door swung open.

“Taichi, Koushirou, if you two are in here, come out before Mimi accosts every last person looking for you,” Yamato called in a tone of deep longsuffering.

Without opening the stall door, Taichi replied: “What does she want us for?”

“To take a picture.”

Koushirou groaned. “Tell her I’m sick… Taichi-san… I can’t go back out there like this!”

“Why not?” Yamato asked impatiently. It sounded like he was at his wit’s end dealing with Mimi.

“I’m… a little overdressed.”

“Psh. So what? Mimi came here in a ball gown.”

“What?” Koushirou exclaimed as Taichi made a noise of surprise. “She did?”

“Yeah, and you can’t be more overdressed than her.”

“There’s your out, Koushirou,” Taichi hissed in his ear. “Just stick with Mimi the whole night. If anyone asks, she picked out your clothes. She’ll be happy to take the credit. She’ll think you look great.”

Koushirou blushed harder, though for an entirely different reason. With a smirk, Taichi patted his back, and even straightened his bowtie for him before opening the door.

“Get out there, then. Stud.”

(whoever thought I, a staunch joumi fan, would write a koumi drabble… oh well… it just happened lol)

H: What is their deadly sin?

Hard one. He’s a pretty perfect kid lol. I suppose I might put him down for “greed” as well, and maybe it fits better than it does Taichi, in the sense that his curiosity compells him to want to know as much as he can, so he sometimes doesn’t noice the needs of people around him. But it’s not like this is intentional or he doesn’t know about it. Half the time the reason he’s working so hard is because he’s trying to help those people.

R: What are their hands like?

Short, stubby fingers. Often ink-blotted. He’s constantly flexing his hands from typing so much. Bound to get carpal tunnel someday.

#digimon #taichi yagami #koushirou izumi #headcanons

[ingridgovaninsights]

The Charlotte Chapters- Part 2

Fast forward three years…

Now I am nineteen. A lot has changed, but mostly silly little things- I keep my hair long now, I have a “real” job, I occasionally go out on dates. Life is pretty good. I started to go to college. It wasn’t great, but I felt happy I was doing something productive with my life and continuing to learn.

Elliott and I are still pretty good friends. We’ve made tons of memories- he got his license as soon as he was old enough, and we always just went out on adventures. Our signature thing was going for coffee. And it wasn’t like a typical activity- we would spend hours and hours in the coffee shop, talking about anything. Just random things. And we’d go for drives- long drives out in the country because it was so peaceful. We enjoyed showing each other songs and playing them over the BlueTooth- singing along and relating to the lyrics.

He was honestly the best friend I’d ever had. But that’s about as far as it went.

I knew Elliott was interested- he would flirt, he would sometimes share how I made him feel. And I’m too nice of a person to simply turn someone down, especially when that person is my best friend. He did know I didn’t feel the same way- but hey, you can’t tell someone how to feel.

That was the year that I met Ross. He was the stereotypical good looking guy, at least in my opinion. Bright blue eyes, a chiseled jawline even… he took great care of his hair. Not to mention he played guitar. I was smitten. What college-aged girl could resist pursuing someone so promising?

In hindsight, I know that looks aren’t everything… they’re far from that. I wish I’d dug a little more deeper when making my decisions.

We met each other at the college’s “video game club”, as if I wasn’t enough of a nerd. I hadn’t made any friends yet, so I anxiously went on my own; I remember being quite proud of myself.

For such a geeky club, there were a lot of people that decided to join. There were probably thirty or thirty-five people gathered around, mostly in small groups chatting about video games, I assumed. The demographic was mostly male… I was probably one of the ten or so females.

I noticed Ross because he was also standing awkwardly by himself. He was on his phone- or at least pretending to be on his phone- in the far corner of the room. His brown hair fell down over his eyes. How could he see like that?

When he looked up from his phone, he noticed me. I don’t think I would have approached him- I’m not the type to do that. I probably would have endured the evening alone, and then I likely would have never gone back. But Ross boldly made his way over to me, where I stood right by the door in case I needed to escape in a moment of panic.

“Hey,” he greeted me, grinning an extremely handsome grin, “you a new student?”

“I am,” I said a bit shyly. “I’m guessing you are, too.”

“Yeah. Wanted to kinda at least try to be a little social, you know?”

Oh, I knew. I had to put on a persona for a while, see if I could fit in anywhere, and once I realized it was just going to be like highschool all over again I could retreat to doing my own thing peacefully- at least then I could say I tried.

“This club seems silly,” I said. “Why does everyone take these games so seriously? Like, we’re talking about Mario Party here.”

Ross smirked. “You’re funny. Hey, do you want to leave this place and maybe go for a coffee or something? On me.”

He certainly knew how to make good first impressions.

***

Somehow things progressed. We had a great first “date”, if you’d call it that. We chatted about lots of interesting things, and we got to know one another. You know how first dates work. I was extremely awkward, but apparently he found that to be cute. We got along really well- probably because I so easily agreed with everything he said- but really, for the longest time we never had any arguments.

He took a pretty busy college program, which didn’t allow him for a lot of free time. This was probably our first “bump in the road”. And I suppose when I reflect on it now, this is where it all went wrong.

A few months into our “too good to be true” relationship, I texted Ross asking if we could hang out. I hadn’t seen him at all in a week, and he only lived five minutes away. In my mind, it didn’t make sense to me. If he had homework, couldn’t we do it together? That’s a coupley thing. Sort of.

Can’t… I said I don’t have time right now, He texted back. Maybe next weekend.

This really bothered me- two weeks without seeing my boyfriend? I understand in a lot of cases this is perfectly fine… when someone is on a trip, when you’re living long-distance for whatever reason… in that case, the time apart is expected. But I didn’t sign up for this, not when we went to the same college and our houses were practically within spitting distance.

I honestly can’t say he was entirely to blame, because instead of voicing my opinion, I responded simply with a “K”. It’s passive aggressive and doesn’t exactly allow for constructive conversation. What was I expecting him to say to that? Ross left it at “K”, and we held in that anger, that frustration.

For a while, it was fine. I could live with some rocky times, some space from my partner. But what I couldn’t live with were the bottled up emotions- I was still mad about the fact that my needs weren’t being met. And whose problem was that, exactly? Ross was never there, but at the same time, I could have just spoken up.

But I’m not sure it would have made a difference- when my uncle Sam passed away, Ross was absent and clueless about how to help me. I remember we were sitting in my backyard, drinking iced tea and watching Youtube videos, when my mother interrupted our good times to announce the terrible news.

“Charlotte, sweetie, I’m so sorry,” Mom said, looking at me with tears in her eyes.

Uncle Sam and I had never been overly close, but I always found we had a lot in common- he was a foodie, a thinker, he loved to read, and he barely talked to anyone. Whenever we did spend time together I felt like I could just be myself, and he admired that. I’d like to think relatives don’t pick favorites, but I’m fairly certain I was his favorite.

I wasn’t sure how to respond. I was mostly shocked, initially, so no tears came. But I rested my head on Ross’s shoulder, in an attempt for consolation, and I’ll never forget the disappointment he brought me.

He got up. As he rose my head slid off his shoulder. As soon as my mother left, that is. He brushed off his jeans, flicked his hair to the side coolly. Checked the time on his phone.

“I have to get going,” Ross told me.

And then he went home.

His discomfort with the situation was more important at the time than my grieving over my dead relative. How selfish does a person have to be to think that way?

But then again, in the end I was the one being called selfish.

***

Losing my uncle was really hard on me. Never in my life had I lost someone close to me other than my grandmother, and that was when I was quite young and it’s difficult to remember. But at nineteen years old, I was old enough and mature enough to understand that Uncle Sam really wasn’t coming back, and all those things I wanted to talk to him about were never going to be a conversation.

I didn’t have many people I could talk to. My family I suppose was an option- but I didn’t want to talk about Uncle Sam to Uncle Sam’s brother (my dad). That would probably just make my father more emotional than he already was. And if I told my mother or my sister, they would relay it to my father… so regardless, it would make more people upset than necessary.

I figured going to a third party would be the best, most unbiased approach. Elliott was still around. We often still went for coffee, and spent time together, but for the most part we had our separate lives. I texted him to visit my apartment so we could have a couple beers and play some board games, catch up a bit.

I never meant for anything to be interpreted as more than that. Two good friends having a games night, chatting about what’s new in our lives.

Elliott pulled open the box of Monopoly, and I cracked open a beer. It was one of those “craft beers”- far better than a simple Budweiser or a Coors Light. At the time I felt pretty sophisticated. Pathetic…

I offered one to Elliott, and he waved it off. “Got any coffee?”

Many people, except maybe night workers and other weirdos out there, would not drink coffee at eight in the evening. It just seemed like a backwards thing to do. But Elliott and I could agree that coffee didn’t have an effect on us anymore anyways, it was just another tasty drink. A hot cup of coffee, now that was cozy anytime of the day.

I got up from my place on the couch to turn on the coffee maker. A random thought, but out of the corner of my eye I always thought my coffee maker looked like Darth Vader.

Sometimes I got bored living alone in my apartment, and my imagination went wild.

There was a catchy tune playing on the radio. In fact, I recognized it was by The Tragically Hip. Elliott was a pretty big fan of the band. I didn’t know the particular song, though… but the lyrics were rather interesting.

Hey there coffee girl

Beautiful and disaffected

It was perfect ‘till

He came along and wrecked it

One night he’ll make you choose

I’m sorry, but he will

The hardscape or your shoes

When the moon’s behind the hill

It sort of resonated with me- one night he’ll make you choose. I turned up the volume, kind of looked to see if Elliott noticed the song playing. As I predicted, he was looking back at me.

“I’ve been meaning to show you this song,” he said. “You listen to the lyrics?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I can kinda relate.”

I placed the filter, scooped in a few piles of dark roast, and pressed start. I really liked the sound of the machine starting up. It was peaceful to me. It meant coziness was coming.

While waiting for the coffee, I sat back down beside Elliott and we started the game. I wanted to be the hat, he wanted to be the car. My beer was good- this one had a slight citrusy taste to it. A little bit of a pop to my taste buds.

I realized for the first time in a while, I was having a really good time. Why was it that I could have this much fun with my friends, but I couldn’t find enjoyment like that with Ross? Maybe part of the problem was that I hardly saw him… but who knows.

I missed my friends. And I didn’t have a lot of them. But when I started dating Ross I started to forget who I was as an individual. I mean, I knew deep down, but it kind of got lost in the confusion that was “us”. We did things together, or not at all. I stopped seeing friends. Ross didn’t make me stop seeing friends, let me make that clear… but he wasn’t exactly an encourager of free spirit.

Spending time with Elliott made me think about all the good times I was possibly missing out on- I used to love going shopping with Alexis, I always had a blast playing video games with Brad, Mike, and Brock. But I think somewhere along the line that became “forbidden”... why would someone in a happy, loving relationship spend so much time with guy friends? Well, that logic used to make sense in my mind…

“So why did you want to hang out tonight?” Elliott finally asked me. “Everything okay?”

It was a fair question- I didn’t ask to hang out nearly as much anymore. If we did, it was strictly for coffee for maybe an hour. That was it. He had reasonable inquiries.

I moved my little top hat over five spaces. I think the coffee was ready. “You know, Elliott, maybe I just wanted to see you. Wanted to see how you were doing. I mean, things aren’t so well on my end.”

In hindsight, maybe it was a cry for help. I still wasn’t over the death of my uncle; my family was grieving; I was struggling with anxiety every day; and to make matters worse my romantic relationship was failing. That one person that was supposed to love you and be there for you unconditionally, had so many conditions. And I knew that just wasn’t right. So why didn’t I leave?

“So talk to me- what’s going on?” Elliott asked. I could see concern in his eyes.

“Well as you know, my uncle died a couple months ago. And I know we were never that close, but I kind of wish we had been. I really looked up to him. And you know, I just wish Ross would sit and listen to me sometimes. Not just talk about basic everyday shit… I want him to listen when I tell him about something emotional, something deeper than books or videogames or the weather. But he just isn’t around.”

Elliott kind of raised his eyebrows as if to say, I’m not surprised, but he didn’t say as much. He simply said, “uh-huh,” waiting for me to go on.

I was on my second beer now, and being the lightweight that I am, I was already a little buzzed. Buzzed enough where I was just comfortable and light, so I could talk about anything on my mind.

“I missed hanging out with you,” I confessed. “ I miss having friends, and having fun. I don’t like feeling so… trapped. I don’t understand why I can’t get out; it’s not like I’m under lock and key or some shit.”

“I don’t know either,” Elliott mumbled. He got up and started towards the Darth Vader coffee machine. Fixed himself a tall mug. It was one of my favorite mugs- it had cats all over it.

At some point I realized I had drank too much. I knew I was in good hands, but I had taken it too far. Drinking felt good, though. For me at least, it gave me this euphoric feeling. I felt like I could do anything, or say anything, and I’d be happy. And why would being happy be an unhealthy thing?

I’d also had a couple of coolers- some funky lime flavored ones. Who knows? I really enjoyed anything with the flavor of lime. Mexican food with a wedge of lime squeezed over top, some flavored sparkling water, you name it. Lime flavored coolers? Great!

I mean, I wasn’t drinking too much in the sense that it would have some serious adverse effects, but it was probably my choice of drinks that was unfavorable. Apparently sugary, fruity coolers didn’t agree with my stomach.

We’d played almost a full game of Monopoly, and now we were on to video games. I don’t think Elliott even liked video games, but hey, it was nice of him to pretend to be having fun. I think we were playing Super Smash Brothers or something like that. I suddenly had to vomit.

I tried to stand up and the room spun around me. My stomach churned.

“I’m going to be sick,” I mumbled, clumsily trying to make my way towards the washroom.

Elliott quickly got up to help me. He guided me to the washroom, as a decent friend- a decent human being- would do for someone in need. I leaned into him for support. We were almost there.

What’s funny is that we were ninety-five percent of the way there- we were in the doorway of the washroom- when I threw up. Elliott jumped out of the way. I had spaghetti that night. There were chewed up, spewed up noodles on the cheap bathroom floor. After vomiting I stumbled and fell against the bathtub. Elliott watched from the doorway; I think he was a little frightened.

I was fine- those particular coolers just didn’t sit well with me. It felt a lot better to expel them from my system. I slowly got myself up off the ground, and latched onto Elliott’s arm for balance. I recall him saying he was going to put me to bed now. I would be more comfortable.

I lay down in bed and Elliott put the blankets over me. I rolled onto my side and vomited once more, then went to sleep. Elliott went home.

That is honestly the story. Honest to God.

So why do stories get mixed up in our minds? And why do we allow others to do that to us? When I retell this story, to anyone, I have to convince myself that I did not sin here. I have to force myself to believe that I am still a decent human being. Why? I know the story. Elliott knows the story. I never would have cheated on Ross.

But you’d be surprised at how well words can get twisted sometimes.

#the charlotte chapters #short story #novella #novel #writing #writing blog #the hip #tragically hip #song lyrics #young adult fiction #realistic fiction #creative writing #mental health #anxiety #mental illness #life #love #friendship #poetry #writing project

[queercapwriting]

Sanvers and the 90's games such as Twisters.

“Winn, stop killing Kara’s Tamagotchi and get over here!”

“I’m not killing him, he’s hungry!”

“I just fed him!” Kara protests from an exceedingly awkward angle, upsidedown next to Maggie’s elbow.

"How do you know he's not Kryptonian and doesn't need to eat as much as you do?"

“Schott, just get over here and spin the damn spinny thing!”

“Spinny thing, babe?” Maggie wants to know, and Alex scowlsat her as effectively as she can with her left hand balanced behind her rightfoot, left foot pulled all the way on the other side of the Twister board.

“Whose turn’s it?” Winn scampers over, Kara’s Tamagotchistill in hand.

“Mine,” James says, and he’s been lucky so far – he’s stillstanding in a relatively non-contortionist position.

Winn flicks at the arrow and they all strain to see where itlands. Maggie’s hands are starting to shake slightly – she’s practically doinga handstand, and has been for the last three rounds – but damned if she’s gonnacave.

“Okay James, right hand on red,” Winn announcestriumphantly, and James groans, because the nearest red circle is directlyunder Maggie’s chest.

“Maggie, you good?”

“Have at it, Olsen, you’ll have the honor of being the onlyman that close to my boobs like, ever.”

“Awwww, James, you’re so special!” Winn squeals, and Kara’sbody quivers with laughter.

“Don’t topple over now, Little Danvers.”

“Dream on, Maggie!”

“Watch that arm, Olsen, just remember whose girlfriend sheis.”

“I have no designs on your woman, Alex.”

“Yeah and anyway babe, don’t you have a great view of my assright now?”

“It is a great view.”

“Okayyyyy, whose turn is it now?” Kara desperatelywants to know, and Alex and Maggie share a soft laugh.

“That’d be me – make it a good spin, Schott,” Alex tellshim, and he sneaks more food to Kara’s Tamagotchi before he does.

“Okay, left hand blue, Alex.”

“Mmm, and suddenly everyone wants to be close to me,” Maggiehums, and Alex chuckles.

“You complaining, Sawyer?” She shifts and she keepsDEO-style balance and core strength and she easily slides her left hand onto ablue circle that leaves her in a strange contortion and Maggie with a greatview of her cleavage.

Maggie hisses and licks her lips, and it’s not thedifficulty of her position, but the intensity of Maggie’s eyes, that makes Alexoverbalance, that makes Alex slip, that makes Alex fall. Kara jumps up in victory,James hastily slips his hand out from under Maggie’s body, and Alex yanksMaggie on top of her to the tune of Winn’s whoops and James’s laughter andKara’s really Alex?

“I believe you just lost, Danvers.”

“I was distracted. Doesn’t count. We’ll play Operation next.I never lose at Operation.”

“Mmm, I bet you don’t, Doctor Danvers.”

“Okay guys, who wants to play Trouble?” Kara squeals asJames continues to chuckle and Winn’s ears turn red.

“Noooo, I hate the damn sound that dice popping thing makes.My cousin used to just walk around the house pressing it, like, all the time.”

“Like this?” Winn asks, and Maggie groans as she pulls Alexto her feet and into her arms.

“Okay then, Mouse Trap?” Winn flinches as Maggie grabs theTrouble board from his hands and tosses it onto the couch before tousling hishair with a grin.

“No, the poor mice didn’t do anything!”

“Yeah, Kara never used to let us play that one. She’d alwaystry to free them.”

“Awww, Little Danvers! You’re so sweet! But hey, what aboutanother round of Twister?”

“You only want another round of Twister because it endedwith Alex pulling you on top of her!”

“And that’s a bad thing because?”

“Because there are things about my sister’s life I don’tneed to see.”

“I mean, we can always just take it into the next room, justthe two of us – ”

“Alex!”

“What, then you wouldn’t have to see anything!”

“X-ray vision! And super hearing!”

“Fair.”

“Wait wait, guys, I got it! Mario Kart!” James calls,and in mere minutes, Kara is thumping Winn, his tongue sticking out inconcentration, on his back to drive faster, Maggie is hurling bananas at acursing James, and Alex is pulling ahead of them all with a smug grin on herface and fire in her eyes.

They’re still arguing jovially about whether Toad or Luigi’svehicle handles better the next morning when they spill into the DEO.

J’onn only stares at his ragtag group of children for amoment before deciding that the only thing he needs to know is that Alex’s eyesare gleaming and her step is lighter than he’s ever seen it, and Maggie’s name ison her lips, and she’s being more touchy with her friends, more open, laughingharder and smiling bigger.

And he couldn’t ask for anything more for his girl. Even if sheand Mr. Schott are currently giving him a headache with their rowdy discussionsof some sort of virtual racetrack that he most certainly never needed to knowabout.

#ask queergirlwriting #sanvers #superfriends #sanvers fan fic #supergirl fic

[ineverhadmyinternetphase]

In My Way - Chapter 18

AO3 link, First Chapter

Genre: Chaptered. Actor!Dan AU, fluff, bit of angst, slow burn, getting together (eventually)

Summary: Fiction. Daniel Howell is 21 and Britain’s newest star. He’s just been cast in the much-anticipated film adaption of Last Man Standing, the popular teen fantasy novel with a huge fanbase hanging off his every tweet. In other words, Dan has made it big.

Phil Lester couldn’t care less. He’s a stressed out PHD student working part time at a bookshop while he struggles to get into post-production. He’s 26 and still lives in a tiny flat on the fifth floor of a building with a lift more broken than it is in use. He loves books, but he thinks big film adaptions screw with the plot too much.

Needless to say, Phil is less than impressed when Last Man Standing is getting filmed in his hometown. And he certainly doesn’t want anything to do with obnoxious, arrogant, so irritatingly perfect leading actor   Daniel Howell.

Warnings: Swearing, Ace!Phil, Bi!Dan, slight a- and bi-phobia, discussions of sexuality

Word Count: 3000-5000 per chapter (ish)

A/N: Once again, sorry for the delay in this chapter! I’m just gonna say this once: I have M.E., a medical condition that effects my energy levels and gives me chronic pain and nasty things. Sometimes it affects my ability to write, which is why updates can be slow. But good news: I know this fic is going to be 25 chapters long, and I have them all planned exactly. I’ll update as regularly as I can ^_^

Again, giant thanks to my beta @mecaka! This is only possible because of her hard work. Go send her love if you’ve got time because honestly, she is the best thing that could have happened to me with this fic

—

Two months, it turned out, was the length of time left on the film set.

“Well, actually, it’s closer to a month and a half,” Dan elaborated from his place sprawled across Phil’s lap, eyes narrowed as he tore around another corner in Mario Kart. “And did you have to bring this up now?”

“I’ve been trying to talk to you about it all day,” Phil grumbled gruffly. Which, in his defence, was true. Ever since the call with Tyler last week, Phil had been working up his courage to bring the subject up with Dan, and this morning he had finally done it only for Dan to distract him by dragging him out to the sofa to challenge him to a duel.

Which Dan was going to win, because this was Mario Kart and Dan was insanely competitive.

“So after the set,” Phil started again, barely even focusing on the screen and much more occupied with the warm person lying across his lap, “Are you, um, are you going away?”

Dan raised an eyebrow. “Away where?”

Away from me, Phil thought, half-heartedly firing a shell. It went backward, straight off the course, completely missing Dan’s little figure that was racing far ahead.

“There,” Dan said satisfactorily as he crossed the finishing line, then paused the game and rolled onto his back. He narrowed his eyes at Phil. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing’s up with me,” Phil answered immediately. Perhaps not the best method for improving communication, or generally getting anywhere with Dan, but denial was still and would probably always be Phil’s first defence mechanism.

Thankfully, Dan had been around Phil for long enough now to recognise this, so he wasn’t dissuaded at all. Instead, he sat up, tossing his controller carelessly onto the cushion beside him, and fixed Phil with a stern look. “So something is definitely up.”

“It isn’t,” Phil insisted unhelpfully.

Dan had one brow arched at him in a perfect expression of disbelief. Practised many times for several film roles, probably, and now Phil was being subjected to it in all its realness.

“If nothing’s up,” Dan said calmly, “Then we can just carry on playing, and you interrupted a perfectly fun round for no good reason.”

“Yes,” Phil replied quickly, then stopped. “Well, no. Um. Maybe.”

“Congratulations on giving every possible answer.” Dan rolled his eyes, but there was a fond smile at his lips. He flopped himself back down over Phil’s lap, arranging himself to be perfectly comfortable so he could still see the screen, and grabbed the controller again, starting up a solo level. Phil’s eyes traced Dan’s character, and he felt his heartbeat calm down a little. Watching Dan do things always calmed him down – there was a level of professional confidence about everything Dan did, as if he’d thought every action through at least four times. It was… reassuring. Especially when every aspect of Phil’s life was currently being made up as he went along.

“So you asked if I’m going away,” Dan said evenly after a few moments of silent playing.

Phil swallowed.

“I’m guessing you don’t mean leaving the country, or, like, dying,” Dan continued, and was that a hint of laughter hiding away in his tone? “But you still brought it up, so something must be on your mind.”

“Yeah,” Phil answered softly without thinking. His fingers had somehow found their way into Dan’s hair. It was comforting to have the knowledge that Dan was still right there. For now.

“So what is it?” Dan asked again after another moment of watching his character easily cruise the level. Dan really was insanely good at Mario Kart. How did he even have time to practice as an actor?

Phil gave his head a small shake. He shuffled around a bit, until Dan made a noise of complaint, and then went very still with his fingers still curled in Dan’s hair.

Phil just didn’t want to lose this.

“I suppose,” he started slowly, “I mean what your roommate said in the call.”

“Tyler?” Dan sounded surprised. He had no idea at all, then.

Phil gathered his courage and said, “Yeah. When he said he was getting you back. That means… that means you’re leaving me, right?”

The words sat heavily. Phil winced as soon as he realised their full meaning. He hadn’t meant it quite like that, but… but therein lay his fears, really.

Dan squawked. He dropped the controller, not even bothering to pause the level this time, and rolled around to face Phil just as his character made a squealing noise as it fell off the course.

“What?” Dan asked, staring at Phil, a picture of surprised disbelief.

Phil shifted awkwardly. “Tyler said he’d be getting you back.”

“Yeah!” Dan narrowed his eyes. “And you think that means I’m leaving you?”

Phil bit his lip. He considered for a moment. “Um. Well. Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Leaving… me.”

“No!” Dan sat up properly then, giving Phil the full extent of his glare. “Why? Do you want me to?”

“No, not at al! I just—” Phil paused, realising he’d done an extremely bad job of explaining himself. He deflated in place a little. “I just – don’t understand.”

“Well, that makes two of us,” Dan answered after a moment of silence. He shook his head, sitting back a little on Phil’s sofa cushions so he could draw his knees into his chest. Defensive, Phil realised. He’d made Dan go all defensive again.

Desperately, Phil tried to salvage the conversation and make it go back in the direction he’d originally intended. “What I’m trying – very badly – to say is, you aren’t staying here forever. In Manchester, I mean. Are you?”

Dan blinked. Slowly, comprehension started to show on his face, and Phil thanked every lucky star he’d ever wished on for it. But there was also fear tugging at Phil’s stomach, because he’d brought this up now. They were going to have this conversation, to face the issue that had been itching at him all week.

“No,” Dan answered slowly, his tone cautious, his eyes fixed on Phil’s face. “No, I’m not staying in Manchester forever.”

Phil’s heart plummeted.

“But you knew that, right?” Dan added, leaning in a little bit closer. “I’m only here for the set. That’s over in a couple of months, then I’m going home. You knew that, right?”

Phil swallowed. Dan said home so easily, and he was referring to a place where Phil wasn’t. That shouldn’t hurt, they’d hardly known each other four months, but somehow Phil’s idea of home already had a Dan in it. “And then back to London. And Tyler. Right?”

Dan didn’t answer straight away. Instead, he tilted his head, regarding Phil closely with something warm hiding in his eyes. “I mean, yeah. London is home for me.”

Phil nodded once. He kept his face clear of expression.

After a moment, Dan asked, “Does that bother you?”

Phil shifted, considering the question for a moment. He reached out to grab Dan’s hand, smiled a bit when Dan gave a startled movement that settled into a small smile. He squeezed Phil’s fingers.

“It doesn’t really bother me,” Phil answered slowly. “I mean, it’s your home. Tyler seems nice.”

“He is,” Dan agreed, his gaze still intent on Phil. “My best friend.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you have a best friend.” Phil glanced at Dan, tried not to let jealousy slip into his tone. “How did you meet him?”

“Oh, I met him years ago,” Dan answered with an easy smile and went on to tell Phil that Tyler had met Dan on Dan’s very first set. Dan had been a nervous wreck, unsure of everything around him, and Tyler was his make-up artist. He’d taken one look at Dan’s pasty face and gone Oh no, we can’t have that. Dan at first thought he was being mocked – it turned out Tyler was just very exuberant and exacting in what he wanted.

After that, they’d become fast friends. Tyler was new to England, and so Dan took it upon himself to show him around the main sites. After a year, they’d decided to move in together, and when Dan hesitantly stuttered out that he was maybe attracted to boys as well as to girls, Tyler had embraced him in a warm hug and welcomed him to the party. (Tyler was as gay as a pink elephant, and as exuberant about it as he was about make-up).

“So he knows?” Phil interrupted, surprised.

Dan nodded. “He’s the only other one who does. You and him.”

“Not even your family?” Phil asked without thinking, and then winced. “No, wait, you don’t have to answer that.”

Dan’s eyes had tightened up a bit, but he hadn’t removed his hand from Phil’s. Dan glanced downwards, at where his fingers linked up so easily with Phil’s. “I just – I didn’t want to risk the exposure. You know. If the press ever got wind of it…”

“I get it,” Phil spoke into the silence quickly. “Honestly. That’s not what I meant.”

Dan sent him a tiny, grateful smile.

Phil fidgeted for another minute, then reached out to pull Dan into a hug. Dan muffled a chuckle as he leaned into Phil, speaking into his shoulder, “You can’t solve everything with a hug, Phil.”

“I can try,” Phil said adamantly, and then added, “I just… don’t want you to be gone.”

“I won’t be gone,” Dan murmured, his own arms slotting easily around Phil. “Not really.”

“But London is far away.”

Dan tilted his face up until he was looking right at Phil, and suddenly he was very, very close. “I’m not in London now.”

Phil was frozen, immobile, still taken aback by these moments of intimacy. But he was very sure that was happiness bubbling up inside him, so he leaned closer at Dan’s invitation and kissed him lightly.

Dan smiled, kissed him back, and for a moment everything was perfect. Things like this got easier every time they did them, and Phil was growing in confidence every time, more and more sure that yes, he liked this. As long as it didn’t go too far, and Dan was wonderful and soft and never pushed him.

When Phil pulled back, Dan didn’t complain at all. He didn’t even look insecure, which Phil always worried about because he had a feeling that Dan would kiss for longer if it was up to him. But Phil always started to feel weird after a few minutes, and he was endlessly grateful that Dan never brought it up, but just smiled happily every time Phil pulled away.

Dan was smiling happily at him now, and then he whispered, “You could always come with me.”

Phil blinked. His voice squeaked a bit. “Come with you?”

“To London.” Dan’s eyes were bright, but a bit guarded. He didn’t look away from Phil’s face. “When the set is done with. You could come back to London with me.”

Phil’s eyes widened. He’d never even considered that as a possibility – that Dan might ask him to go with him, that maybe there was a solution that didn’t involve Dan staying in Manchester forever.

Dan couldn’t stay in Manchester. He had a job, and friends. Obviously.

But Phil still felt the tiniest tug of disappointment. Manchester was his home. He’d deliberately moved back here after doing his undergrad in York, because York felt too far away.

It was closer than London, though.

Dan was still looking at him, but that guarded something in his eyes had grown. He was shrinking back a bit, shrinking into himself, behind all those walls that Phil had started to break down.

Phil grabbed for him again. “I want to be with you.”

Dan brightened up again immediately. “So you’ll come?”

“I’ll…” Phil took a breath, bit his lip. “I’ll… I’ll think about it. London is… far away.”

Dan’s eyes had clouded over again. Phil hated that, wished he could banish it away in an instant and have Dan happy and smiling again, but… but he’d learned not to dive straight into scary things. He needed to think, to process.

And they still had time.

“There’s a month and a half left, right?” Phil added almost desperately. “There’s time to… to think. We can figure it out.”

Dan nodded slowly, his gaze clearing a bit. “Yeah. Yeah, we can figure it out.”

Phil smiled back at him, and really, really hoped it was true.

---

A few days later, when Dan was away at the film set and Phil was sitting at home half-heartedly tapping away at his thesis, the idea crossed Phil’s mind again.

Moving to London.

It didn’t seem quite possible when Dan mentioned it. Like a dream, something to be imagined but never to be lived, at least not for someone like Phil. Dan’s world was full of glittering lights and camera flashes and interviews – hell, that was why they never went on proper dates outside. Phil could still remember with a shudder the day a camera had followed Dan back to Phil’s bookshop.

That was Dan’s world, not Phil’s. And if he was honest, Phil wanted no part in it.

Except… except he did want to keep Dan. He really did. To the extent that thinking about Dan going away to London without him had Phil’s chest constricting until his breathing was difficult.

This was crazy. He’d only known Dan a handful of months, and the majority of that had been spent trying to avoid him. Phil had hated Dan when they’d first met, he was sure of it – he remembered that arrogant smirk, the way Dan had looked down on him.

Knowing Dan as he did now, Phil could see that had been because Dan had believed Phil snubbed him deliberately. But he hadn’t. Phil was just a bumbling mess, he always had been, and he probably always would be.

Dan shouldn’t even want him around anyway.

Phil shook away the thought with a sad little frown. He was staring blankly at his thesis document, on its way to finished with a month left to the deadline, and then his course would almost be over. Just another month after that until his official graduation. His mum had already invited everyone over for the celebration – Phil the Doctor, Phil the smart one, he’d always been the brains of the family, she’d proudly say.

But then what?

There’d be a big celebration, and then… then what? Phil had never been one to look at the future too hard, never been one to wallow in worrying. He’d just enjoyed what he did without thinking too much about where it would lead him. But now… now, he was facing a gaping hole with no more education to fill it.

And he didn’t want to face that alone.

So Dan. He had Dan, he wanted to keep Dan, and miraculously Dan wanted to keep him. That had to be worth all the worry, right? All the stress? There had to be something worth holding onto in the feelings he had for Dan, in the feelings Dan had shared with him.

He hadn’t had a text from Dan yet that day. Phil had messaged him in the morning but hadn’t heard anything back. That wasn’t too unusual. The film set was getting busier every day, with the closing deadlines looming. Then everything would be moving down to London.

London, where all the post-production work would be happening. Phil’s speciality. Phil’s favourite aspect.

If only…

Phil chewed on his inner cheek, having a staring contest with his laptop, until he relented and pulled up a new internet tab.

Post-production film jobs in London.

Unsurprisingly, there were a lot of results. Phil trailed through the first few, registering some of the company names, recognising some. There were a lot of internship programmes that he’d be eligible to apply for.

He didn’t have to make any decisions yet. But it was an option.

Just then, his phone buzzed against his desk. Phil snatched it up to see a new tweet from Dan: literally starving at the set @amazingphil where is my coffee

Phil snorted. They were still being publicly open on Twitter, and while they’d never explicitly stated the exact nature of their relationship (Phil still got a fuzzy little feeling whenever he remembered that Dan was his boyfriend), it was a good thing. Having Dan happy with them being public, even in this tiny way – it gave Phil hope.

Hope that this was actually ok.

Definitely a possibility, Phil decided as he glanced at the results on his laptop, and then bookmarked it before answering Dan’s tweet with another public one of his own.

@amazingphil: @danisnotonfire on my way right now

---

The days continued in their easy pattern, but the time was constantly being eaten up. Without even meaning to, Phil found himself subconsciously counting down the days to their deadline, the deadline when Dan would be leaving.

He’d visit the set with coffee for Dan and think, only five more weeks of doing this.

Dan would crash into the bookshop during Phil’s shift and regale him with stories of the day’s filming and Phil, in between fits of laughter, would find himself saying, “Not much longer left, now.”

Dan’s eyes always went cautious. He answered carefully, “No. Not long left.”

Phil tried not to think too much about the way Dan’s eyes lingered on him, as if he was waiting for a response, for something more from Phil. Something more that Phil wasn’t sure he could give.

They’d be curled up together on Phil’s sofa, or cuddled under the blankets on his bed watching Netflix on Phil’s laptop, and Phil would stay silent but the thoughts running around his head were full of not much longer, you don’t get to have this for much longer. He tried to quiet the doubts, knew that Dan moving away was very different to Dan breaking up with him, but it was still hard.

He tightened his grip around Dan and buried his face in Dan’s hair.

Dan made a questioning noise and wriggled a bit, so Phil batted at him until he stayed still. He didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to face the questions that he knew Dan was going to want to bring up. In all honesty, Phil just didn’t want to face the future. He wanted this present to extend forever, with Dan in his arms and something easy on TV and blankets and cuddles and nothing else more complicated going on.

Why couldn’t he just have that? Phil didn’t think it was too much to ask for.

It was when there were only three weeks left that Phil came home from a shift at the bookshop to find Dan sitting on the sofa on Phil’s laptop.

Phil blinked, and then let out a heavy sigh. Coming home to Dan invading his flat wasn’t exactly unusual, not since Phil had given him a key, but still. There were privacy limits. Weren’t there? Or shouldn’t there be?

Dan grinned at him impishly, and then pulled Phil’s laptop further into his lap. “Mine for now. Sorry.”

Phil rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “I guess I shouldn’t even be surprised anymore.”

“Probably not,” Dan agreed, already buried back in whatever he was doing. As long as it wasn’t another skype call to Tyler that Phil could embarrass himself in front of, then Phil didn’t really mind. It was an excuse to forget about proof-reading his thesis for a bit, after all.

“Hot chocolate?” Phil offered on his way into the kitchen.

“Mm, please!” Dan called back, and Phil’s smile was widening before he even realised it. Having Dan around just made Phil feel… buoyant. Like there was something under his skin lifting him up, making his feet hardly touch the ground. It didn’t quite feel real, except when he could feel Dan in his arms, breathe in his scent, see the possessions he’d slowly left scattered around Phil’s place. Honestly, Phil didn’t even know the last time Dan had actually spent long periods of time in his hotel room.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Dan said when Phil returned with two steaming mugs. He curled his legs out of the way, making room for Phil to join him, and grabbed eagerly for the mug.

“Don’t spill that on my laptop,” Phil warned him, but otherwise settled in happily. He cast Dan a slightly worried look. “Also, that doesn’t sound good.”

“It’s not bad, exactly,” Dan hedged, casting another quick look at Phil. He grimaced. “I just – I saw a car.”

Phil arched a questioning brow.

“A black car,” Dan elaborated, “Um, outside.”

“Wow, amazing, anyone would think we were in a main city.” Phil grinned. Some of Dan’s sarcasm had rubbed off on him.

Dan kicked at him delicately. “No, you idiot. Outside here. Outside your building.”

Phil blinked, taken aback. “…Oh?”

“Yeah. It looked like a journalist to me.” Dan was looking steadfastly at the laptop screen again, not meeting Phil’s eyes. “So, um. They might have seen me, and my guess is they could call you at some point."

Phil’s stomach dropped.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Dan added in what was clearly a carefully researched speech. “You can just refuse to comment if they badger you. And if they do it too much, threaten the police, it’s harassment.”

“The police?” Phil asked a bit faintly.

Dan shot him a look, then bit his lower lip. He shifted a bit closer to Phil. “I did try and warn you this might happen.”

Phil remained silent. That didn’t help very much. Sure, he remembered when Dan was first trying to get closer to him, that Dan warned him what his lifestyle meant – but Phil wasn’t anyone interesting. He hadn’t really given much thought to people bothering him, or what he was supposed to do or say. He was far too awkward for any of it.

And it wouldn’t even matter soon, with Dan going away.

Phil shook away all those thoughts, a crease appearing in his brow. Dan reached out to smooth it away with his thumb, a sweet gesture he’d started doing whenever Phil was stressed or worrying about something. “You don’t have to say anything, Phil.”

“I just,” Phil started, and then turned to look straight at Dan. “Do you want me to say anything?”

Dan blinked. He looked startled for a moment before casually schooling his expression back into a careful blank. That was the problem with Dan being such a good actor – when he didn’t want to show his emotion, he really didn’t show it.

“I didn’t think you’d want to,” Dan answered delicately.

“I don’t,” Phil agreed, “I mean, not if you don’t want to. I just. Does that mean you want it to be a secret?”

Dan looked a bit pained. “That isn’t a fair question.”

“What do you mean?”

Dan squirmed, but Phil pressed him, leaning in a bit closer. “What do you mean, Dan? Communicate, remember. Talk to me.”

Dan made a face at him. He took in a breath, slowly, and then let it out. He closed Phil’s laptop and slid it onto the floor, and then made grabby hands at Phil in a gesture that Phil had come to realise meant come closer, need to hold you.

Phil obliged, and let Dan wrap him up in long arms, hold him against his chest. He laid his head comfortable on Dan’s shoulder.

“Saying something would mean that this is something that’s going to last,” Dan eventually murmured into Phil’s hair.

Phil’s mouth went dry. He froze.

“I don’t mean that would be a bad thing,” Dan hastily continued, “I mean, like, it would make it official.”

Phil managed to unstick his mouth enough to say, “And that would be a bad thing?”

“No, no, I don’t mean anything like that.” Dan let out a cross little sigh. “I mean – um – it would mean we’d both face a lot of questions about it, and if you’re… if you’re in Manchester, and I’m in London, um. We’d have to face them alone.”

Phil took in a careful breath. The weight behind Dan’s words told Phil that he’d thought about them a lot, probably been thinking about the coming month just as much as Phil had, in fact. Maybe if they’d talked about it sooner, Phil wouldn’t have had to do as much worrying on his own.

“I mean,” Phil started, and then stopped again.

Dan nudged at him. “What?”

“I mean, we might not be apart forever,” Phil answered quietly. He felt Dan quiver against him, and he bit his lip. He didn’t know if now was the time to bring this up, or if there would ever even be a better time, but Dan sounded worried and Phil didn’t like Dan being worried.

He leaned back enough to look at Dan, right in the eyes, and the worry he saw there made Phil want to dispel it immediately. “I mean, London is a thing.”

Dan smiled briefly. He didn’t look away. “London is indeed a thing.”

“I’ve been looking,” Phil confessed quickly, “There are internships. Places that do the kind of thing I’d want to do.”

“Really?” Dan was obviously trying really hard to keep the hope out of his voice, but he wasn’t quite succeeding. That warmed Phil. He was wanted, obviously, desired by Dan Howell, and that still didn’t quite make sense in his head.

“Not yet,” Phil warned him. “My PhD doesn’t finish until two months after you’ve gone back to London.  I have to be here for that.”

Dan wilted a bit. But he nodded. “I’d expected something like that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You’ve been working for ages on your degree, I’m happy for you.” Dan smiled at him, the expression a little shy, a little vulnerable. Phil felt his heart give just a little bit more. He loved this man – he really loved him, and that was still hard to come to terms with.

Phil smiled back. “But after that – after that, well, I don’t know. It’s a possibility.”

Dan was staring at him almost disbelievingly. Phil didn’t like it much when he did that, but his options to make Dan happy were still fairly limited. Phil just wasn’t very good at it, much as he’d like to be.

Phil leaned in, pressed a kiss to Dan’s cheek. “It’s a possibility.”

Dan’s cheek had gone red. That was nice. He also still had his arms around Phil, which was also nice, and he was smiling a bit as he answered, “To be clear – are you saying you coming to London with me is a possibility?”

Phil thought about it for a moment. Then he nodded a bit hesitantly. “After my degree. Maybe.”

Dan’s eyes were a little wide and a little wild. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. Well,” Phil amended, “I’m thinking about it. It’s not something to rule out.”

Dan kept staring at him for a bit, and then he was grinning and holding Phil tighter. “Good enough for me.”

---

There was hope, but there was also sadness, because time was running out on them too fast and Phil still hadn’t made a decision.

Three weeks disappeared like sand rushing through Phil’s fingers. It didn’t matter how much he tried to grab onto it, the time just went faster and faster, rushing on and inexorably on until he was left standing alone and forlorn in his own apartment with boxes of Dan’s stuff gathered up all around him.

All the things that had collected in Phil’s flat over the past few months, every little memory of Dan being here, was wrapped up carefully and packaged and taped and shut away, all ready to be moved out. Including Dan himself.

Phil felt sick to his stomach.

Dan stood opposite him, an awkward distance away, playing with the ends of his sleeves. He wasn’t looking at Phil, seeming to find it easier to study his carpet instead. The air between them felt charged. The last bag was sitting packed by Dan’s feet.

“It just makes more sense to leave tonight,” Dan was explaining, still steadfastly studying the carpet. “The cars are leaving the hotel really early tomorrow. I don’t want to disturb you in the morning.”

You wouldn’t, Phil was desperate to say. But he didn’t. He stayed quiet, except for the ringing in his ears and the slightly wild thud of his heartbeat.

The boxes were moved, one by one, into the car waiting outside Phil’s flat. They did it together, woodenly, not talking but not staying far apart either. Phil treasured every brush of Dan’s elbow, every minute left in his company. They were rather rapidly disappearing, after all.

The last box was in the car. Dan was hovering awkwardly on the pavement, one hand on the car door, his eyes fixed on Phil.

Phil should turn around and go back inside. They were in public, and even if they weren’t, Phil was bad at goodbyes. This was why he’d always returned home. He couldn’t deal with last times, with never-seeing-people-agains. He left everything open-ended, and always came back to the place that meant the most to him. He didn’t do well at leaving.

Was he ever going to see Dan again?

Dan was staring at him with carefully masked emotions. Phil hated that too. He wished he could push back past those boundaries, get back to where he and Dan had been. They’d been so close, they’d been so open and honest with each other. Eventually. Dan was the one person Phil had never wanted, and then everything he’d wanted but never thought he’d have, and then, miraculously, been the person to openly accept him. Everything about him.

Phil couldn’t lose that. He didn’t want to let go.

Dan swallowed. His hand awkwardly fumbled on the car door, and for a moment Phil thought he was going to step away from the car and back into Phil’s arms, and this whole hellish ordeal could be over.

But he didn’t.

Instead, the car door flew open, and Dan turned as if to climb inside.

Phil’s heart stopped.

Dan paused, turned back to face Phil. His mouth opened, but no sound came out. Instead, he just stared at Phil’s face some more.

Phil hung in stasis. His body tipped forward, telling him to take the step and go, to stop the best thing in his life from walking away from him.

But the crease in Dan’s brow was back, and he turned away again with a muttered, “See ya, Phil,” and then he was climbing into the car.

“Wait,” Phil’s mouth said without his permission.

Dan paused, span back around again in an instant. His face was still carefully blank.

Phil stayed still for a moment, counting the racing beats of his heart, tracing the planes of Dan’s face that he’d come to know so well. Dan Howell, the Dan Howell, famous actor, blind fool at times, but most importantly, Phil’s Dan.

There was no way Phil could let him go like this.

“Stay,” he begged.

Dan’s mouth dropped open.

“Just tonight,” Phil pleaded, because, apparently, he wasn’t above actual begging. He took a step forward, grabbed one of Dan’s hands in his own.

Dan’s blank expression was melting.

“I know it can��t be forever,” Phil continued, his tone shattering a bit. “Just stay. You can wake me at whatever hellish time you have to tomorrow, just – just stay one more night. Please.”

Dan hovered, his gaze quickly flicking left and right. They were in the middle of a public street, Phil’s street, and there was a suspicious looking car sitting up the road that had been there all morning and was still directly facing them, but Phil just couldn’t let Dan go like this.

He prayed he was doing the right thing.

“Please,” he said again and tugged once at Dan’s hand.

Dan’s face finished melting, and he was standing there looking at Phil with the warmest, most vulnerable gaze Phil had ever seen. His fingers were trembling a bit, but he closed them firmly around Phil’s and took a step towards him, until Phil was forced to look up to meet his eyes.

“Ok,” Dan whispered, and then span to say to the driver, “Go back to the hotel. I’ll meet you there in the morning.”

The driver, as discrete as ever, simply nodded and disappeared.

Phil felt a little bit faint. His fingers tightened in Dan’s, the world swaying around him. Dan was still here. For now. He was here.

Fingers tightened around Phil’s arm, gently pushing him towards the door. “Inside, now,” Dan whispered into his ear, “Quickly, I need to – Phil, I need to—”

Phil understood. He knew exactly what Dan was talking about. He fumbled for his keys, got them both back inside his building, and hurried quickly to his flat door.

They didn’t make it two steps before Dan was pushing Phil against the wall, still metres from his actual flat, and this was still dangerous because anyone could walk past, anyone could see them—

“Phil,” Dan whispered, and the sound was broken and almost desperate and Phil couldn’t think about anything else, not right then. He stared right back at the man in front of him, the man clutching at his shirt sleeve hard enough to pinch his arm, the man who looked so young suddenly with no hint of sardonic amusement on his face.

Phil reached up for him, leaned in, and kissed him.

Dan sagged into him, like he was melting all over again, fitting perfectly in Phil’s arms until Phil was the only one holding him up. Phil wasn’t the only one this was taking a toll on. Not with the way Dan reached for him, held onto him, kissed him like a drowning man.

“Not yet,” Phil whispered against his lips, dragging him down the hall into the safety of his flat.

---

They did the most kissing they’d ever done in one go that night. Up until then, kisses had been small, gentle things, sweet nudges of affection against each other’s lips, nothing more. They hadn’t needed anything more.

But this time – this time, Phil felt like a desperate man, like someone who was about to lose everything under his fingertips. He clung onto Dan, remembered the feeling against him, tried to lose himself in someone else’s arms.

They stayed fully clothed, which held off Phil’s repulsion. And the kissing was still just kissing, aside from when Dan occasionally leaned down and pressed his lips to Phil’s throat, which sent a shiver down Phil’s spine which was just this side of good. Any more, and he’d have been pushing Dan away, but Dan had grown to learn his reactions and knew not to push him any further.

Dan needed this, too. He never left Phil’s side, never left any unnecessary space between them, until the warmth was almost unbearable. But Phil would never have had it any other way. They stayed wrapped up in Phil’s bedsheets in a tangled heap of limbs and faces and breathing and kisses, and neither of them got much sleep that night.

“I’m going to miss you,” Dan mumbled at some point with his face buried in Phil’s hair.

“Shush,” Phil muttered back, swatting at him, and then rolled them over so he could lie himself down on Dan’s warm, sturdy chest. He didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to think about it. He just wanted to hold Dan here, in his bed, and remember what it felt like to have another person in his flat.

He fell asleep soon after, but Dan remained awake, eyes hiding a shadow as he stroked his fingers through Phil’s hair.

In the morning, Phil woke up to an empty bed and a note scrawled hastily on the back of an envelope and left on the bedside table. Car arrived. Didn’t want to wake you. There were a few scribbled out lines, and then, finally, Don’t break anything before I see you again. All my love – Dan.

Phil stared at it for a very long time, until his vision had blurred and his breathing sounded funny.

All my love – Dan.

He’d thought that word would terrify him. Phil still hadn’t said it, wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to without it feeling like some sort of lie. But he felt it. The emotion blossoming in his chest, constricting his heart until he thought it would burst – there was no denying what that was.

Phil blinked, hard, grabbed the note, screwed it against his chest, and flopped back into his pillows. Dan was apparently just as bad at goodbyes as Phil was, but Phil couldn’t help wishing Dan had at least woken him up. Just to have one last hug.

But would Phil really have been able to let go?

Honestly, Phil wouldn’t put it past himself to just upend everything on a whim and head down to London with Dan, his PhD be damned. But that wasn’t the sensible, adult thing to do. Phil needed some thinking time, time to actually consider his own future and how best to keep Dan in it. Maybe he did need space to do that.

But no amount of rationalising would stop the hollow ache in his heart when he rolled over to find the other half of the bed empty.

Phil bit his lower lip, glanced down at the note still squished between his fingers, and then tucked it securely under his pillow. He’d leave it there, he decided, until Dan was back with him again.

They wouldn’t leave it too long. Phil didn’t think he could cope.

But for now, he had work in a few hours and a thesis to finish, so after a few minutes more of moping, Phil forced himself out of the bed for day number one without Dan.

A/N: A note before you go: (incredibly) this fic is up for several phanfic awards (thank you so so much to anyone who nominated me, I couldn’t believe it!!) so if you’re interested in the awards and want info on how to vote check out this post here

#phanfic #phan au #actor!Dan #ace!Phil #bi!Dan #iwritephanthings #inmyway

[lindafrancois]

5 Lessons Learned From a Skinny Nerd Deadlifting 420 Pounds

I did it.

I proved somebody wrong on the internet!

I assume the internet will be mailing me a gold medal at any point this week, but until then, let me share the story.

I gave a TedX talk years ago, and I mentioned one of my long-term goals was being able to lift 400 pounds:

My first thought: “Ouch.”

My second thought: “Why am I reading YouTube comments!? No good can come of this.”

My third thought: “I’m gonna prove this person wrong.”

As a skinny nerd with chicken legs that couldn’t build muscle to save my life, this far-off goal suddenly seemed even further off.

Fast forward to last week: not only did I FINALLY reach my 10 year goal of deadlifting 400 pounds, I blew right past it. No straps, no belt. Just some chalk and “internet justice” rage to pick up 420 pounds at a bodyweight of 172 pounds.

Not bad for a skinny nerd with a crooked spine!

Below, I share the video and the 5 key lessons I’ve learned on this long, comical, painful journey.  

#1: Screw Your Genetics.

I have the genes of an elf, without the immortality or cool ears.

I’m naturally very thin, have very thin wrists and ankles, and will forever have chicken legs.

This would be great, if I wanted to be a runner. Not great when you despise running, and you want to pick up heavy things.

Determined to overcome that fate, I began my journey to heavy lifting, only to get knocked back.

6 years ago, I discovered my genes also contain a super fun condition called “spondylolisthesis.”

Don’t bother trying to pronounce it, I still can’t.

It means my vertebrae don’t line up. Essentially, my L5 and S1 are less structurally aligned than a deep-game Jenga tower (Read how I used the “Iron Man Technique” when I got diagnosed).

Jenga: fun for game night, not for spinal metaphors.

When I first learned this, I initially assumed it meant my short lived career as a powerlifter was over, and threw myself one HELL of a pity party.

After that party ended, I got back on the horse.

(Not literally. I don’t have a horse.)

I started working on my deadlift form and core strength. I checked my ego, established a new “square one,” and essentially started over.

Thank god I refused to accept my fate.

Now, obviously I’m not a doctor – I don’t even have pants on right now – so you’re going to need to work with trained professionals if you have a serious medical condition you’re working to overcome.

In my instance, I decided that I didn’t want my genetics to decide my fate: that chicken legs and a crooked spine could be managed. While I might never reach my 10-year goal of a 400 pound deadlift, I’d get started and adjust along the way.

Yup, I know plenty of people can lift WAY more than I can. That’s cool! I’m competing against the ghost of my former self (like a Mario Kart time trial), and that’s all I can do.

I know I’m fighting an uphill battle when I focus on powerlifting when I’m much more likely to be good at running or another endurance activity. That sounds like my personal hell, so I’m gonna play THIS version of life on expert difficulty.

LESSON LEARNED: If you don’t like the game you’re playing, pick a different one! Who cares what your genetics are. You can’t do anything about them. All you can do is play the hand you’re dealt.

If you are a big-boned individual built for strength, and you want to be a marathon runner, GREAT! Start training for a 5k today. Who cares if you’re slow as molasses!

If you are built to run and want to strength train because that’s what brings you joy, go pick up heavy shit! Who cares if the person next to you can lift more? Are YOU lifting more than you did the day before?

We can only blame our parents for so much. Thanks for the crooked spine and acne, DAD.

(Kidding, my dad is cool as hell. He taught me to play poker when I was 5).

#2: Fail You Will. Learn, You Must.

After figuring out my spine sucked, I decided to hire my friend Anthony to coach me via email.

Because I couldn’t lift heavy to start, I had to reallllly focus on my form. It gave all of my muscles and tendons a chance to get caught up to speed.

So I spent two years making steady progress, which was awesome.

And then I went on vacation, where I severely strained my conjoint tendon. 

Lesson learned: never go on vacation again.

My injury was so brutal that I was convinced I had a hernia. I ended up getting an ultrasound on my crotch from two female ultrasound technicians, which was in no way at all awkward.

Kidding. It was comically awkward.

Anyways.

After taking multiple weeks off from lifting anything heavy, I started rehab, checked my ego (again), and had to rebuild my form (again), going backwards by 250+ pounds and starting over again.

I felt like Sysphysis, rolling a rock up a hill only to have it roll all the way back down.

Or Charlie Brown trying to kick a football:

But I kept at it. I learned to improve my form. I changed my breathing technique for lifting. And I accepted that I had to go backward in order to eventually break through.

For reference, click through these images and videos below. The “Before” took place before my injury, while the “After” is just a month or two back:

  View this post on Instagram

  A post shared by Steve Kamb (@stevekamb) on Aug 15, 2018 at 1:32pm PDT

LESSON LEARNED: Always be learning, when you win or when you lose. Setbacks can be crippling, or they can be painful lessons learned that make you more powerful. I really didn’t have a choice.

You’re gonna get shin splints or plantar fasciitis when you start training for your 5k. Literally everybody does. Take it as a sign you need to fix your running form!

You’re gonna screw up on a lift. Take it as a chance to scale back and rework your form. Video tape your form and check with somebody

You’re gonna get sick and screw up and miss a lift or a hold or a thing. It happens. You can’t change the past (yet), so might as well learn from it and move forward. Rafiki gets me:

#3) Want to Reach a Far Off Goal? Use the Minecraft Strategy.

10 years ago, I had a goal I was racing towards: a 400 pound deadlift.

I’d get marginally closer and then have to back way off. This happened at least half a dozen times, a few of which were highlighted above.

I believe the reason I finally achieved that goal is because I stopped focusing on it! Instead, I just focused on the next workout, the next exercise, the next rep.

In other words: Don’t worry about the building you’re trying to construct. Instead, focus on putting the next brick in the right place, and then repeat. The building will take care of itself.

I call this the Minecraft Strategy.

As for my workouts, I train 4 days per week: Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. One hour per workout. Each day has a big boring lift attached to it that doesn’t change much at all from week to week.

For the past four years, here’s the deadlift portion of a training day (after many warm-up sets):

Week 1: Sets of 2, 2, 2 for 220 pounds.

Week 2: Sets of 3, 2, 2, for 220 pounds.

Week 3: Sets of 3, 3, 2, for 220 pounds.

Week 4: Sets of 3, 3, 3, for 220 pounds.

Week 5: Sets of 2, 2, 2 for 225 pounds.

And repeat. Every week. Every month. Year after year. Notice that each week I added just ONE rep. And once I hit 3 sets of 3, I’d go up by 5 pounds, and start back at 2, 2, 2.

That is boring as hell. And effective too. Every single week I’d be setting a personal best! I didn’t care about the far-off goal of a 400-lb deadlift, I instead put all of my focus into “Can I crush this next rep?”

This is also EXACTLY how one simply walks into Mordor: one step at a time.

Two weeks ago, my “slow cook” deadlifting workout had me doing 3 sets of 3 reps at 385 pounds.

My coach told me: “Let’s go heavy next week. And I won’t accept anything less than 415 pounds.”

This was a goal I’d have forever, and Anthony had already set my sights 15 pounds heavier to calm my nerves on the psychological challenge of seeing that much weight on the bar.

So after picking up 405 for a warmup, I went for 420 pounds:

  View this post on Instagram

  A post shared by Steve Kamb (@stevekamb) on Nov 21, 2018 at 10:43am PST

No belt, no straps.

Just some chalk and Walk the Moon’s “Portugal” on my headphones. Honestly, it was almost a letdown because it came up so quickly…but I was so damn proud to reach a powerful milestone, banish the monkey on my back, and actually feel strong.

Hence the quick fist pump to myself.

This week? It’s back to the boring stuff. Boring, consistent, progress where I just get epic results and feel really good about myself.

I’m okay with that. I jokingly talk about how I went from Steve Rogers to Captain America with this slow, small tactic.

LESSON LEARNED: Are you a shiny-object chasing “I need to be entertained and I change workouts every 3 weeks but I can never seem to get results” type of person?

Fall in love with the process and incremental progress, and you’re gonna go places kid.

Each week, just focus on being better than you did the week before. If you ONLY worry about this, you’ll look back at the end of the year and realize you’re a changed person.

Note: This means you need to show up each week, with few exceptions. Even when life is busy.

#4 – Track the Problem to Crack the Problem.

Fun fact: I currently have a folder in Evernote called “Kambsformation” (Anthony came up with it, and it just stuck).

In that folder, I have 1 note for every workout or progress photo from the past 5 years.

I now have 1159 notes in that folder:

As my friend Nick says, “You gotta track the problem to track the problem.”

I have tracked every single workout I’ve done since 2013 in this folder. I have them all in the same place, so I can quickly scan back to any date and time and see where I was, how I trained, and so on.

I know every week exactly what I need to do to be better than the week before. Using the Minecraft Strategy here, it just means I need to focus on ONE single rep heavier.

In addition to tracking my workouts, I’ve become diligent about tracking my calories too. I am not Paleo, or Keto, or Mediterranean.

Instead, I employ a “mental model” diet, with specific rules I follow:

Skip breakfast. I cover this in our guide on Intermittent Fasting.

Eat big after a workout. Adjust the rest of my calories based on goals.

Protein with every meal. Usually chicken.

Veggies with every meal. Brussel sprouts or broccoli.

Adjust carbs and fat to fit macro profile for that day.

A powerbomb shake to hit calorie goals. Water, oats, frozen berries, frozen spinach, and whey protein (I use Optimum Nutrition Vanilla).

Over the past 2 months, I’ve actually leaned out, from 185 pounds down to 172 pounds. I did that by adjusting my caloric intake very simply:

2600 calories on training days

2200 calories on non-training days.

For the first few weeks, I actually didn’t lose any weight despite “tracking my calories.” I still believed in thermodynamics, so I knew there was no nonsense like “metabolic damage” or a “slow metabolism.” Instead, I started weighing my portions (I like this food scale) and discovered a few key things.

Namely, that I was overeating without realizing it:

I was underestimating my oats portion by 50% when using a measuring cup instead of a scale. 1/2 cup of oats was more like 60g, not 40g.

My chipotle lunch contained 1.5 servings of rice by weight, not 1.

As soon as I made small adjustments to my portion sizes on these foods I ate consistently, my weight started to drop consistently.

So that takes care of my food, here’s how else I track my progress:

I take progress photos weekly and weigh myself each morning under the same circumstances.

I don’t freak out if the scale goes up or down. Instead, I take a 7-day rolling average and make sure the TREND is in the right direction.

Think of this like the bumper lanes in a bowling alley: As long as the ball is moving towards the pins, that’s good enough.

LESSON LEARNED: We pay attention to the things we track. So track the right stuff! This applies not only to health and fitness, but learning, personal finance, etc. Keep a journal, or an Evernote folder, or a Google Doc. Write down what you did, and what you’re going to do.

It’s valuable as hell. And I don’t care what kind of diet you pick: whichever one leads you to sustainable calorie management in a way that doesn’t make you want to punch a hole in the wall.

If the scale isn’t going down for you, it doesn’t mean that you have a slow metabolism, or that you’re broken. It means you are eating too many calories to induce weight loss. Track your calories more closely.  Use a scale if you need to, until you learn what actual portion sizes are.

Are you taking progress photos? They can be crucial for making sure you’re losing the right kind of weight!

Are you writing down your workouts or tracking them in an app? How else are you gonna know what you need to do this week to level up!?

#5) It’s Dangerous to Go Alone. Bring a friend.

I gotta give a shout out to my friend and coach, Anthony.

He’s been my online coach for the past 5 years and I truly consider him a valuable part of my success. He also has epic hair.

I’d say this is the best money I invest in myself each month – and I’m somebody that tells people how to exercise for a living!

When I’m traveling, or when I have busy weeks, my coach adjusts my schedule to make it work. When I am feeling good, well rested, and amped up, we crank things up. When I’m feeling overwhelmed he slows it down.

And most importantly, he doesn’t put up with my bullshit. You know what I mean – we all have excuses that we feed ourselves daily: too busy, I couldn’t because blah blah blah,.

I know Anthony doesn’t want to hear this stuff, so I just shut up and DO the work! It’s pretty awesome to have somebody else that’s invested in my success, somebody that I can bounce ideas off of, somebody that I know is keeping me accountable, checking my form, etc.

And maybe most importantly, I have the peace of mind to know that I’m actually doing the right stuff, and doing it correctly.

I feel confident saying I never would have lifted 420 pounds without my coach.

LESSON LEARNED: If you have the money to invest in yourself, hiring a coach who learns your story can be game changing. If you don’t, having a workout buddy in the trenches with you can be AMAZING too.

An accountabilibuddy, if you will.

We’re proud that we have an amazing online coaching program at NF, and we have an online community attached to our online course, the NF Academy.

I also know lots of people who work with trainers in person and they can be worth every penny (sometimes!)

If you want to take your fitness more seriously, invest in a coach if you can.

If you want to take running more seriously, join a running club.

If you want to bring a friend so you guys can lift together at the gym, do it!

You don’t have to go it alone on this journey, and oftentimes a coach or trusted friend can be an absolute game changer. It was for me.

I hope Anthony keeps me as a client for the next 5 years too.

I proved a troll wrong, now what!?

So I mentioned that I proved somebody wrong on the internet.

I mostly say this in jest.

The dude probably didn’t think twice about his comment, and hasn’t thought about it since.

Am I gonna try to right every wrong on the internet? Nope.

People say really nasty things about me all the time, that just comes with the territory. It hurts like hell. And I’ve become much better at ignoring it.

So screw the haters, I say. I don’t have time for them. I’m too busy helping people and writing about Star Wars and sometimes wearing pants (today is not that day).

So, although I jokingly say that “I owned that troll,” the reality is that it just.

doesn’t.

matter.

I’m really proud of this accomplishment, and I hope my recap can help you crystallize the goals you have floating around your head.

These days, my goals are tighter, and more focused on the process:

Work out 4 days per week, no exception.

Hit my calorie goals 6 days out of 7 each week.

Be better than the last workout.

I’m working on my handstands, mobility, and gymnastic rings stuff…but I’m gonna keep grinding on my deadlifts and squats too.

Considering how quickly that 420 pound deadlift came up, I wonder if I get a 500 pound deadlift…

No way, won’t happen. EVER. Not with these genetics 😛

(I’ll let you know in 5 years).

I’d love to hear from you: do you have a big “dragon slaying” goal you’re working towards in the future?

What can you take from this article and apply to your journey?

For the Rebellion!

-Steve

PS: We are hiring 2-3 certified coaches to join our NF Coaching Program! This is a 100% remote work-from-anywhere position. If you think you’d be a good fit, or know somebody that would, please check out our “work with us” page!

###

All photo credits can be found in this very special footnote[1].

Footnotes    ( returns to text)

Photo Source: Promenade, Mirkwood Elf Archer, Hate leads to suffering, Ready for Scotland, Ready for War

5 Lessons Learned From a Skinny Nerd Deadlifting 420 Pounds published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/

[joshuabradleyn]

5 Lessons learned from a skinny nerd deadlifting 420 pounds

I did it.

I proved somebody wrong on the internet!

I assume the internet will be mailing me a gold medal at any point this week, but until then, let me share the story.

I gave a TedX talk years ago, and I mentioned one of my long-term goals was being able to lift 400 pounds:

My first thought: “Ouch.”

My second thought: “Why am I reading YouTube comments!? No good can come of this.”

My third thought: “I’m gonna prove this person wrong.”

As a skinny nerd with chicken legs that couldn’t build muscle to save my life, this far-off goal suddenly seemed even further off.

Fast forward to last week: not only did I FINALLY reach my 10 year goal of deadlifting 400 pounds, I blew right past it. No straps, no belt. Just some chalk and “internet justice” rage:

For my final rep, I picked up 420 pounds at a bodyweight of 172 pounds. And it came up pretty quickly!

Now, I’ve internalized 5 big lessons on this journey to a deadlift I’m really proud of, especially considering all of those setbacks.

I wanted to share my lessons learned, and show you how you can apply this to your own life.

#1: Screw Your Genetics.

I have the genes of an elf, without the immortality.

If you’re familiar with body types, I’m an endomorph.

I’m naturally very thin and bony, have very thin wrists and ankles, and will forever have chicken legs.

This would be great, if I wanted to be a runner. Not great when you despise running, and you want to pick up heavy things.

Determined to overcome that fate, I began my journey to heavy lifting, only to get knocked back.

6 years ago, I discovered my genes also contain a super fun condition called “spondylolisthesis.”

Don’t bother trying to pronounce it, I still can’t.

It means my vertebrae don’t line up. Essentially, my L5 and S1 are less structurally aligned than a deep-game Jenga tower (Read how I used the “Iron Man Technique” when I got diagnosed).

Jenga: fun for game night, not for spinal metaphors.

When I first learned this, I initially assumed it meant my short lived career as a powerlifter was over, and threw myself one HELL of a pity party.

After that party ended, I got back on the horse.

(Not literally. I don’t have a horse.)

I started working on my deadlift form and core strength. I checked my ego, established a new “square one,” and essentially started over.

Thank god I refused to accept my fate.

Now, obviously I’m not a doctor – I don’t even have pants on right now – so you’re going to need to work with trained professionals if you have a serious medical condition you’re working to overcome.

In my instance, I decided that I didn’t want my genetics to decide my fate: that chicken legs and a crooked spine could be managed. While I might never reach my 10-year goal of a 400 pound deadlift, I’d get started and adjust along the way.

Yup, I know plenty of people can lift WAY more than I can. That’s cool! I’m competing against the ghost of my former self (like a Mario Kart time trial), and that’s all I can do.

I know I’m fighting an uphill battle when I focus on powerlifting when I’m much more likely to be good at running or another endurance activity. That sounds like my personal hell, so I’m gonna play THIS version of life on expert difficulty.

LESSON LEARNED: If you don’t like the game you’re playing, pick a different one! Who cares what your genetics are. You can’t do anything about them. All you can do is play the hand you’re dealt.

If you are a big-boned endomorph (you gain fat easily), and you want to be a marathon runner, GREAT! Start training for a 5k today. Who cares if you’re slow as molasses!

If you are built to run and want to strength train because that’s what brings you joy, go pick up heavy shit! Who cares if the person next to you can lift more? Are YOU lifting more than you did the day before?

We can only blame our parents for so much. Thanks for the crooked spine and acne, DAD.

(Kidding, my dad is cool as hell. He taught me to play poker when I was 5).

#2: Fail You Will. Learn, You Must.

After figuring out my spine sucked, I decided to hire my friend Anthony to coach me via email.

Because I couldn’t lift heavy to start, I had to reallllly focus on my form. It gave all of my muscles and tendons a chance to get caught up to speed.

So I spent two years making steady progress, which was awesome.

And then I went on vacation, where I severely strained my conjoint tendon. 

Lesson learned: never go on vacation again.

My injury was so brutal that I was convinced I had a hernia. I ended up getting an ultrasound on my crotch from two female ultrasound technicians, which was in no way at all awkward.

Kidding. It was aggressively awkward.

Anyways.

After taking multiple weeks off from lifting anything heavy, I started rehab, checked my ego (again), and had to rebuild my form (again), going back 250+ pounds and starting over again.

I felt like Sysphysis, rolling a rock up a hill only to have it roll all the way back down.

Or Charlie Brown trying to kick a football:

But I kept at it. I learned to improve my form. I changed my breathing technique for lifting. And I accepted that I had to go backward in order to eventually break through.

For reference, click through these images and videos below. The “Before” took place before my injury, while the “After” is just a month or two back:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Steve Kamb (@stevekamb) on Aug 15, 2018 at 1:32pm PDT

LESSON LEARNED: Always be learning, when you win or when you lose. Setbacks can be crippling, or they can be painful lessons learned that make you more powerful. I really didn’t have a choice.

You’re gonna get shin splints or plantar fasciitis when you start training for your 5k. Literally everybody does. Take it as a sign you need to fix your running form!

You’re gonna screw up on a lift. Take it as a chance to scale back and rework your form. Video tape your form and check with somebody

You’re gonna get sick and screw up and miss a lift or a hold or a thing. It happens. You can’t change the past (yet), so might as well learn from it and move forward. Rafiki gets me:

#3) Want to Reach a Far Off Goal? Use the Minecraft Strategy.

10 years ago, I had a goal I was racing towards: a 400 pound deadlift.

I’d get marginally closer and then have to back way off. This happened at least half a dozen times.

I believe the reason I finally achieved that goal is because I stopped focusing on rushing to get there! Instead, I just focused on the next workout, the next exercise, the next rep.

In other words: Don’t worry about the building you’re trying to construct. Instead, focus on putting the next brick in the right place, and then repeat. The building will take care of itself.

I call this the Minecraft Strategy.

As for my workouts, I train 4 days per week: Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. One hour per workout. Each day has a big boring lift attached to it that doesn’t change much at all from week to week.

For the past four years, here’s the deadlift portion of a training day (after many warm-up sets):

Week 1: Sets of 2, 2, 2 for 220 pounds.

Week 2: Sets of 3, 2, 2, for 220 pounds.

Week 3: Sets of 3, 3, 2, for 220 pounds.

Week 4: Sets of 3, 3, 3, for 220 pounds.

Week 5: Sets of 2, 2, 2 for 225 pounds.

And repeat. Every week. Every month. For 5 years. Notice that each week I added just ONE rep. And once I hit 3 sets of 3, I’d go up by 5 pounds, and start back at 2, 2, 2.

That is boring as hell. And effective too. Every single week I’d be setting a personal best! I didn’t care about the far-off goal of a 400-lb deadlift, I instead put all of my focus into “Can I crush this next rep?”

This is also EXACTLY how one simply walks into Mordor: one step at a time.

Two weeks ago, my “slow cook” deadlifting workout had me doing 3 sets of 3 reps at 385 pounds.

Anthony told me: “Let’s go heavy next week. And I won’t accept anything less than 415 pounds.”

This was a goal I’d have forever, and Anthony had already set my sights 15 pounds heavier to calm my nerves on the psychological challenge of seeing that much weight on the bar.

So after picking up 405 for a warmup, I went for 420 pounds:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Steve Kamb (@stevekamb) on Nov 21, 2018 at 10:43am PST

No belt, no straps. Just some chalk and Walk the Moon’s “Portugal” on my headphones. Honestly, it was almost a letdown because it came up so quickly…but I was so damn proud to reach a powerful milestone, banish the monkey on my back, and actually feel strong.

Hence the quick fist pump to myself.

This week? It’s back to the boring stuff. Boring, consistent, progress where I just get epic results and feel really good about myself.

I’m okay with that. I jokingly talk about how I went from Steve Rogers to Captain America with this slow, small tactic.

LESSON LEARNED: Are you a shiny-object chasing “I need to be entertained and I change workouts every 3 weeks but I can never seem to get results” type of person?

Fall in love with the process and incremental progress, and you’re gonna go places kid.

Each week, just focus on being better than you did the week before. If you ONLY worry about this, you’ll look back at the end of the year and realize you’re a changed person.

Note: This means you need to show up each week, with few exceptions. Even when life is busy.

#4 – Track the Problem to Crack the Problem.

Fun fact: I currently have a folder in Evernote called “Kambsformation” (Anthony came up with it, and it just stuck).

In that folder I have 1 note for every workout or progress photo from the past 5 years.

I now have 1159 notes in that folder:

As my friend Nick says, “You gotta track the problem to track the problem.”

I have tracked every single workout I’ve done since 2013 in this folder. I have them all in the same place, so I can quickly scan back to any date and time and see where I was, how I trained, and so on.

I know every week exactly what I need to do to be better than the week before. Using the Minecraft Strategy here, it just means I need to focus on ONE single rep heavier.

In addition to tracking my workouts, I’ve become diligent about tracking my calories too. I am not Paleo, or Keto, or Mediterranean.

Instead, I employ a “mental model” diet, with specific rules I follow:

Skip breakfast. I cover this in our guide on Intermittent Fasting.

Eat big after a workout. Adjust the rest of my calories based on goals.

Protein with every meal. Usually chicken.

Veggies with every meal. Brussel sprouts or broccoli.

Adjust carbs and fat to fit macro profile for that day.

A powerbomb shake to hit calorie goals. Water, oats, frozen berries, frozen spinach, and whey protein (I use Optimum Nutrition Vanilla).

Over the past 2 months, I’ve actually leaned out, from 185 pounds down to 172 pounds. I did that by adjusting my caloric intake very simply:

2600 calories on training days

2200 calories on non training days.

For the first few weeks, I actually didn’t lose any weight despite “tracking my calories.” I still believed in thermodynamics, so I started weighing my portions (I like this one) and discovered a few key things.

Namely, that I was overeating without realizing it:

I was underestimating my oats portion by 20% when using a measuring cup instead of a scale

My chipotle lunch contained 1.5 servings of rice by weight, not 1.

As soon as I made those small adjustments, my weight started to drop consistently.

In addition to tracking my food, I take progress photos weekly, and weigh myself each morning.

I don’t freak out if the scale goes up or down. Instead I take a 7-day rolling average and make sure the TREND is in the right direction.

Think of this like the bumper lanes in a bowling alley: As long as the ball is moving towards the pins, that’s good enough.

LESSON LEARNED: We pay attention to the things we track. So track the right stuff! This applies not only to health and fitness, but learning, personal finance, etc. Keep a journal, or an Evernote folder, or a Google Doc. Write down what you did, and what you’re going to do.

It’s valuable as hell. And I don’t care what kind of diet you pick: whichever one leads you to sustainable calorie management in a way that doesn’t make you want to punch a hole in the wall.

If the scale isn’t going down for you, it doesn’t mean that you have a slow metabolism, or that you’re broken. It means you are eating too many calories to induce weight loss. Track your calories more closely.  Use a scale if you need to, until you learn what actual portion sizes are.

Are you taking progress photos? They can be a crucial for making sure you’re losing the right kind of weight!

Are you writing down your workouts or tracking them in an app? How else are you gonna know what you need to do this week to level up!?

#5) “It’s Dangerous to Go Alone. Bring a friend.”

I gotta give a shout out to my friend and coach, Anthony.

He’s been my online coach for the past 5 years and I truly consider him a valuable part of my success. He also has epic hair.

I’d say this is the best money I invest in myself each month – and I’m somebody that tells people how to exercise for a living!

When I’m traveling, or when I have busy weeks, my coach adjusts my schedule to make it work. When I am feeling good, well rested, and amped up, we crank things up. When I’m feeling overwhelmed he slows it down.

And most importantly, he doesn’t put up with my bullshit. You know what I mean – we all have excuses that we feed ourselves daily: too busy, I couldn’t because blah blah blah.

I know Anthony doesn’t want to hear this stuff, so I instead just DO the work! It’s pretty awesome to have somebody else that’s invested in my success, somebody that I can bounce ideas off of, somebody that I know is keeping me accountable, checking my form, etc.

And maybe most importantly, I have the peace of mind to know that I’m actually doing the right stuff, and doing it correctly. I feel confident saying I never would have lifted 420 pounds without my coach.

LESSON LEARNED: If you have the money to invest in yourself, hiring a coach who learns your story can be game changing. If you don’t, having a workout buddy in the trenches with you can be AMAZING too. An accountabilibuddy, if you will.

We’re proud that we have an online coaching program at NF, and we have an online community attached to our course, the NF Academy.

I also know lots of people who work with trainers in person and they can be worth every penny (sometimes!)

If you want to take your fitness more seriously, invest if you can. If you want to take running more seriously, join a running club.

You don’t have to go it alone on this journey, and oftentimes a coach or trusted friend can be an absolute game changer. It was for me.

I hope Anthony lets me keep him as a coach for the next 5 years too.

I proved a troll wrong, now what!?

So I mentioned that I proved somebody wrong on the internet. I mostly say this in jest.

The dude probably didn’t think twice about his comment, and hasn’t thought about it since.

Am I gonna try to right every wrong on the internet? Nope. People say really nasty things about me all the time, that just comes with the territory. It hurts like hell.

And then I get back to helping people and writing about Star Wars and sometimes wearing pants (but today is not that day).

So, although I jokingly say that “I owned that troll,” the reality is that it just. doesn’t. Matter.

I’m really proud of this accomplishment, and I hope my recap can help you crystallize the goals you have floating around your head.

These days, my goals are tighter, and more focused on the process:

Work out 4 days per week, no exception.

Hit my calorie goals 6 days out of 7 each week.

Be better than the last workout.

I’m working on

https://ift.tt/2FMVSlh

#5 Lessons learned from a skinny nerd deadlifting 420 pounds

[neilmillerne]

5 Lessons learned from a skinny nerd deadlifting 420 pounds

I did it.

I proved somebody wrong on the internet!

I assume the internet will be mailing me a gold medal at any point this week, but until then, let me share the story.

I gave a TedX talk years ago, and I mentioned one of my long-term goals was being able to lift 400 pounds:

My first thought: “Ouch.”

My second thought: “Why am I reading YouTube comments!? No good can come of this.”

My third thought: “I’m gonna prove this person wrong.”

As a skinny nerd with chicken legs that couldn’t build muscle to save my life, this far-off goal suddenly seemed even further off.

Fast forward to last week: not only did I FINALLY reach my 10 year goal of deadlifting 400 pounds, I blew right past it. No straps, no belt. Just some chalk and “internet justice” rage:

For my final rep, I picked up 420 pounds at a bodyweight of 172 pounds. And it came up pretty quickly!

Now, I’ve internalized 5 big lessons on this journey to a deadlift I’m really proud of, especially considering all of those setbacks.

I wanted to share my lessons learned, and show you how you can apply this to your own life.

#1: Screw Your Genetics.

I have the genes of an elf, without the immortality.

If you’re familiar with body types, I’m an endomorph.

I’m naturally very thin and bony, have very thin wrists and ankles, and will forever have chicken legs.

This would be great, if I wanted to be a runner. Not great when you despise running, and you want to pick up heavy things.

Determined to overcome that fate, I began my journey to heavy lifting, only to get knocked back.

6 years ago, I discovered my genes also contain a super fun condition called “spondylolisthesis.”

Don’t bother trying to pronounce it, I still can’t.

It means my vertebrae don’t line up. Essentially, my L5 and S1 are less structurally aligned than a deep-game Jenga tower (Read how I used the “Iron Man Technique” when I got diagnosed).

Jenga: fun for game night, not for spinal metaphors.

When I first learned this, I initially assumed it meant my short lived career as a powerlifter was over, and threw myself one HELL of a pity party.

After that party ended, I got back on the horse.

(Not literally. I don’t have a horse.)

I started working on my deadlift form and core strength. I checked my ego, established a new “square one,” and essentially started over.

Thank god I refused to accept my fate.

Now, obviously I’m not a doctor – I don’t even have pants on right now – so you’re going to need to work with trained professionals if you have a serious medical condition you’re working to overcome.

In my instance, I decided that I didn’t want my genetics to decide my fate: that chicken legs and a crooked spine could be managed. While I might never reach my 10-year goal of a 400 pound deadlift, I’d get started and adjust along the way.

Yup, I know plenty of people can lift WAY more than I can. That’s cool! I’m competing against the ghost of my former self (like a Mario Kart time trial), and that’s all I can do.

I know I’m fighting an uphill battle when I focus on powerlifting when I’m much more likely to be good at running or another endurance activity. That sounds like my personal hell, so I’m gonna play THIS version of life on expert difficulty.

LESSON LEARNED: If you don’t like the game you’re playing, pick a different one! Who cares what your genetics are. You can’t do anything about them. All you can do is play the hand you’re dealt.

If you are a big-boned endomorph (you gain fat easily), and you want to be a marathon runner, GREAT! Start training for a 5k today. Who cares if you’re slow as molasses!

If you are built to run and want to strength train because that’s what brings you joy, go pick up heavy shit! Who cares if the person next to you can lift more? Are YOU lifting more than you did the day before?

We can only blame our parents for so much. Thanks for the crooked spine and acne, DAD.

(Kidding, my dad is cool as hell. He taught me to play poker when I was 5).

#2: Fail You Will. Learn, You Must.

After figuring out my spine sucked, I decided to hire my friend Anthony to coach me via email.

Because I couldn’t lift heavy to start, I had to reallllly focus on my form. It gave all of my muscles and tendons a chance to get caught up to speed.

So I spent two years making steady progress, which was awesome.

And then I went on vacation, where I severely strained my conjoint tendon. 

Lesson learned: never go on vacation again.

My injury was so brutal that I was convinced I had a hernia. I ended up getting an ultrasound on my crotch from two female ultrasound technicians, which was in no way at all awkward.

Kidding. It was aggressively awkward.

Anyways.

After taking multiple weeks off from lifting anything heavy, I started rehab, checked my ego (again), and had to rebuild my form (again), going back 250+ pounds and starting over again.

I felt like Sysphysis, rolling a rock up a hill only to have it roll all the way back down.

Or Charlie Brown trying to kick a football:

But I kept at it. I learned to improve my form. I changed my breathing technique for lifting. And I accepted that I had to go backward in order to eventually break through.

For reference, click through these images and videos below. The “Before” took place before my injury, while the “After” is just a month or two back:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Steve Kamb (@stevekamb) on Aug 15, 2018 at 1:32pm PDT

LESSON LEARNED: Always be learning, when you win or when you lose. Setbacks can be crippling, or they can be painful lessons learned that make you more powerful. I really didn’t have a choice.

You’re gonna get shin splints or plantar fasciitis when you start training for your 5k. Literally everybody does. Take it as a sign you need to fix your running form!

You’re gonna screw up on a lift. Take it as a chance to scale back and rework your form. Video tape your form and check with somebody

You’re gonna get sick and screw up and miss a lift or a hold or a thing. It happens. You can’t change the past (yet), so might as well learn from it and move forward. Rafiki gets me:

#3) Want to Reach a Far Off Goal? Use the Minecraft Strategy.

10 years ago, I had a goal I was racing towards: a 400 pound deadlift.

I’d get marginally closer and then have to back way off. This happened at least half a dozen times.

I believe the reason I finally achieved that goal is because I stopped focusing on rushing to get there! Instead, I just focused on the next workout, the next exercise, the next rep.

In other words: Don’t worry about the building you’re trying to construct. Instead, focus on putting the next brick in the right place, and then repeat. The building will take care of itself.

I call this the Minecraft Strategy.

As for my workouts, I train 4 days per week: Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. One hour per workout. Each day has a big boring lift attached to it that doesn’t change much at all from week to week.

For the past four years, here’s the deadlift portion of a training day (after many warm-up sets):

Week 1: Sets of 2, 2, 2 for 220 pounds.

Week 2: Sets of 3, 2, 2, for 220 pounds.

Week 3: Sets of 3, 3, 2, for 220 pounds.

Week 4: Sets of 3, 3, 3, for 220 pounds.

Week 5: Sets of 2, 2, 2 for 225 pounds.

And repeat. Every week. Every month. For 5 years. Notice that each week I added just ONE rep. And once I hit 3 sets of 3, I’d go up by 5 pounds, and start back at 2, 2, 2.

That is boring as hell. And effective too. Every single week I’d be setting a personal best! I didn’t care about the far-off goal of a 400-lb deadlift, I instead put all of my focus into “Can I crush this next rep?”

This is also EXACTLY how one simply walks into Mordor: one step at a time.

Two weeks ago, my “slow cook” deadlifting workout had me doing 3 sets of 3 reps at 385 pounds.

Anthony told me: “Let’s go heavy next week. And I won’t accept anything less than 415 pounds.”

This was a goal I’d have forever, and Anthony had already set my sights 15 pounds heavier to calm my nerves on the psychological challenge of seeing that much weight on the bar.

So after picking up 405 for a warmup, I went for 420 pounds:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Steve Kamb (@stevekamb) on Nov 21, 2018 at 10:43am PST

No belt, no straps. Just some chalk and Walk the Moon’s “Portugal” on my headphones. Honestly, it was almost a letdown because it came up so quickly…but I was so damn proud to reach a powerful milestone, banish the monkey on my back, and actually feel strong.

Hence the quick fist pump to myself.

This week? It’s back to the boring stuff. Boring, consistent, progress where I just get epic results and feel really good about myself.

I’m okay with that. I jokingly talk about how I went from Steve Rogers to Captain America with this slow, small tactic.

LESSON LEARNED: Are you a shiny-object chasing “I need to be entertained and I change workouts every 3 weeks but I can never seem to get results” type of person?

Fall in love with the process and incremental progress, and you’re gonna go places kid.

Each week, just focus on being better than you did the week before. If you ONLY worry about this, you’ll look back at the end of the year and realize you’re a changed person.

Note: This means you need to show up each week, with few exceptions. Even when life is busy.

#4 – Track the Problem to Crack the Problem.

Fun fact: I currently have a folder in Evernote called “Kambsformation” (Anthony came up with it, and it just stuck).

In that folder I have 1 note for every workout or progress photo from the past 5 years.

I now have 1159 notes in that folder:

As my friend Nick says, “You gotta track the problem to track the problem.”

I have tracked every single workout I’ve done since 2013 in this folder. I have them all in the same place, so I can quickly scan back to any date and time and see where I was, how I trained, and so on.

I know every week exactly what I need to do to be better than the week before. Using the Minecraft Strategy here, it just means I need to focus on ONE single rep heavier.

In addition to tracking my workouts, I’ve become diligent about tracking my calories too. I am not Paleo, or Keto, or Mediterranean.

Instead, I employ a “mental model” diet, with specific rules I follow:

Skip breakfast. I cover this in our guide on Intermittent Fasting.

Eat big after a workout. Adjust the rest of my calories based on goals.

Protein with every meal. Usually chicken.

Veggies with every meal. Brussel sprouts or broccoli.

Adjust carbs and fat to fit macro profile for that day.

A powerbomb shake to hit calorie goals. Water, oats, frozen berries, frozen spinach, and whey protein (I use Optimum Nutrition Vanilla).

Over the past 2 months, I’ve actually leaned out, from 185 pounds down to 172 pounds. I did that by adjusting my caloric intake very simply:

2600 calories on training days

2200 calories on non training days.

For the first few weeks, I actually didn’t lose any weight despite “tracking my calories.” I still believed in thermodynamics, so I started weighing my portions (I like this one) and discovered a few key things.

Namely, that I was overeating without realizing it:

I was underestimating my oats portion by 20% when using a measuring cup instead of a scale

My chipotle lunch contained 1.5 servings of rice by weight, not 1.

As soon as I made those small adjustments, my weight started to drop consistently.

In addition to tracking my food, I take progress photos weekly, and weigh myself each morning.

I don’t freak out if the scale goes up or down. Instead I take a 7-day rolling average and make sure the TREND is in the right direction.

Think of this like the bumper lanes in a bowling alley: As long as the ball is moving towards the pins, that’s good enough.

LESSON LEARNED: We pay attention to the things we track. So track the right stuff! This applies not only to health and fitness, but learning, personal finance, etc. Keep a journal, or an Evernote folder, or a Google Doc. Write down what you did, and what you’re going to do.

It’s valuable as hell. And I don’t care what kind of diet you pick: whichever one leads you to sustainable calorie management in a way that doesn’t make you want to punch a hole in the wall.

If the scale isn’t going down for you, it doesn’t mean that you have a slow metabolism, or that you’re broken. It means you are eating too many calories to induce weight loss. Track your calories more closely.  Use a scale if you need to, until you learn what actual portion sizes are.

Are you taking progress photos? They can be a crucial for making sure you’re losing the right kind of weight!

Are you writing down your workouts or tracking them in an app? How else are you gonna know what you need to do this week to level up!?

#5) “It’s Dangerous to Go Alone. Bring a friend.”

I gotta give a shout out to my friend and coach, Anthony.

He’s been my online coach for the past 5 years and I truly consider him a valuable part of my success. He also has epic hair.

I’d say this is the best money I invest in myself each month – and I’m somebody that tells people how to exercise for a living!

When I’m traveling, or when I have busy weeks, my coach adjusts my schedule to make it work. When I am feeling good, well rested, and amped up, we crank things up. When I’m feeling overwhelmed he slows it down.

And most importantly, he doesn’t put up with my bullshit. You know what I mean – we all have excuses that we feed ourselves daily: too busy, I couldn’t because blah blah blah.

I know Anthony doesn’t want to hear this stuff, so I instead just DO the work! It’s pretty awesome to have somebody else that’s invested in my success, somebody that I can bounce ideas off of, somebody that I know is keeping me accountable, checking my form, etc.

And maybe most importantly, I have the peace of mind to know that I’m actually doing the right stuff, and doing it correctly. I feel confident saying I never would have lifted 420 pounds without my coach.

LESSON LEARNED: If you have the money to invest in yourself, hiring a coach who learns your story can be game changing. If you don’t, having a workout buddy in the trenches with you can be AMAZING too. An accountabilibuddy, if you will.

We’re proud that we have an online coaching program at NF, and we have an online community attached to our course, the NF Academy.

I also know lots of people who work with trainers in person and they can be worth every penny (sometimes!)

If you want to take your fitness more seriously, invest if you can. If you want to take running more seriously, join a running club.

You don’t have to go it alone on this journey, and oftentimes a coach or trusted friend can be an absolute game changer. It was for me.

I hope Anthony lets me keep him as a coach for the next 5 years too.

I proved a troll wrong, now what!?

So I mentioned that I proved somebody wrong on the internet. I mostly say this in jest.

The dude probably didn’t think twice about his comment, and hasn’t thought about it since.

Am I gonna try to right every wrong on the internet? Nope. People say really nasty things about me all the time, that just comes with the territory. It hurts like hell.

And then I get back to helping people and writing about Star Wars and sometimes wearing pants (but today is not that day).

So, although I jokingly say that “I owned that troll,” the reality is that it just. doesn’t. Matter.

I’m really proud of this accomplishment, and I hope my recap can help you crystallize the goals you have floating around your head.

These days, my goals are tighter, and more focused on the process:

Work out 4 days per week, no exception.

Hit my calorie goals 6 days out of 7 each week.

Be better than the last workout.

I’m working on

https://ift.tt/2FMVSlh

#5 Lessons learned from a skinny nerd deadlifting 420 pounds