#are perpetrators of a system they had no fucking choice of being in

[gorekiss]

lots of nb leftists thinking they know about the black experience 2day……

#to say we benefit from imperialism is one thing #its true! #to say we are perpetrators and america goal is to assimilate #u are out of ur fucking mind #and to that story about ur native american family in poverty who all prefer iphones #very cool for ur family that is NOT the standard for people living in poverty what the FUCK are u on #grew up in/around poverty and have worked with people in poverty #u do not know what poverty is if u think u still have access to a phone much less a fucking iphone like u are fucking on somethinf #ur familys experience ur familys NON BLACK experience is NOT the general experience of poverty in america go absolutely fuck yourself #and to the perpetrators thing #how can u say displaced indigenous people (and yes im talkinf about blck americans bc thats what we are) #who were forcefully taken to a different country #and who are trapped here because of systemic racism #TRAPPED HERE #are perpetrators of a system they had no fucking choice of being in #again: do we benefit? absolutely #and those fucking medical graphs #yeah u know what those are based off of? #medical care that ur average black american DOES NOT HAVE ACCESS TO

[archivalofsins]

So, this is what I've gathered from the information that came out from Deep Cover and this is what I definitively believe happened.

There’s an article that Kotoko was reading in the middle of Deep Cover that has been translated. The contents of the article explain that Kotoko was taken to court after the incident in the warehouse. Kotoko testified that what she had done was self-defense. That her and the perpetrator of the kidnapping got into a scuffle as she was trying to rescue the girl and he died as a result of that.

This conflicts with what we are shown in Harrow.

In Harrow we see that Kotoko does not intervene while witnessing the girl being abducted. Instead deciding to come back to the location later after changing her attire.

This already conflicts with Kotoko's testimony that she ended up fighting the victim as she caught him red-handed as he tried to abduct another victim.

According to the female university student, she claimed that she had no other choice but to kill the victim in order to stop the jostling between the two when she caught the victim, who was a child kidnapper, red-handed.

Red-handed means in the middle of the act by definition.

She just did not fucking do that. It's illustrated to us that she did not do that in Harrow. So we already know her testimony is a lie off of this alone.

Yet, we are further shown that her plea of self-defense is baseless from Harrow as well. Since we are shown Kotoko surprise attacking the perpetrator.

Furthermore her first music video blatantly shows us her attempting to track down the victim. As we see her paying others for information on the matter. Along with her very obvious wall of baddies to hunt down. Where she has the victim circled before even encountering him.

Making her actions premeditated as well.

This makes it clear to the Milgram audience (who have access to this information unlike the court) that Kotoko had no intention of letting the perpetrator live to begin with regardless of what he was doing.

Just like the wall implies with her other victims in Deep Cover-

"Everytime death comes. The soul moves forward." "It’s a tie after saying sorry? What are you hoping for? Shall we replace the poor soul, and the miserable delusion. “I didn’t mean to offend”, “I won’t do it again” How many wins in a row?" - "Who don’t we want? Give me the verdicts of GUILTY." "I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it. Give me the next target."

22/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday) Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time. Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you. Kotoko: ……what a pointless argument. Hmph. Since Es forgives you, I have no choice but to forgive you myself too. If you to keep to your words, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets. Kazui: Oh, how scary. That girl truly is frightening. ……well then, I wonder what the guard will decide to do with me. That’s the one thing I really can’t make out. Honestly……

Kotoko had no intention of letting anyone on that wall live. That wasn't an investigation it was a hit list. She just happened to conveniently find that guy in the middle of commiting a crime. Unlike the other guy she found living his everyday life and just chased into a side alley and jumped. This is more than likely why she didn't initially intervene when she saw the child being abducted in broad daylight.

Because if she did the chances of her being seen by someone else were more likely. If she waited until they were inside and changed her attire to better conceal her identity the likelihood of others intervening would be slimmer. If she only ever wanted to save that girl she could have did so right then and there when she did in fact catch him red-handed abducting her.

Yet, it was never about that. It was always about killing him and continuing on her personal crusade for justice.

The article then goes onto discuss how the elementary school age victim testified corroborating Kotoko’s story of self-defense. Stating that with her testimony and Kotoko's the defense stated that a case of genuine self-defense was established. Mr.Kaneshiro the newspaper president and father of the victim in this case later held a press conference discussing the barbaric nature of Kotoko’s actions. This seems to have taken place after Kotoko had been acquitted of any wrong doing.

The jury ruling this as a legitimate case of self-defense. During the press conference he stated that an independent investigation of events had been done. During which another autopsy had been conducted and established that there were injuries on the victim that could have only been caused by an excessive use of force. Additionally he announced that the school student who had testified corroborating Kotoko’s statement as saying that she had saved her recanted their testimony.

He speculated that Kotoko had threatened or coerced the girl into giving the testimony to begin with. Given Kotoko’s history with law.

Q.07 What did you study at university? Kotoko: Technically, I’m studying law. I’m on a break right now because there’s something else I want to do, though.

It is more than likely that Kotoko coached/groomed the elementary schooler to lie on the stand to better strengthen her case. If two witnesses are corroborating the same story and one of them is the elementary aged victim as jury is more likely to believe them than a dead child abductor.

The article even mentions that Kotoko goes to a famous university. Given that we know Kotoko was studying law and the school she was going to is famous/prestiguous or well renowned we can now track it down. The University she was more than likely going to could very well be-

Keio Law School in Tokyo, Japan

Or some play on it. It's so famous in fact that just googling famous law school Tokyo results in this.

So, that's another university down. (I say this tentatively because I didn't do that deep of a search into this or much of a search at all. Again this is the first school to come up searching the information provided to us. Honestly this post isn't about how finacially well off Kotoko is and whatever expensive illustrious college she goes too.)

Though I wonder how a prestigious or famous school would feel about one of it's students being involved in such a case. Was she really taking a break or did whatever school she was going to no longer wish to affiliate with her due to the accusations. Scandals like this aren't that good for schools of that caliber. Plus, even though the article doesn't mention the school by name just looking into Kotoko herself would show her ties to it.

This is an article on a press conference featuring concerning the death of wealthy business owners son. Someone who very well could have ties to the school Kotoko is attending. That's enough to well I don't ruin all her life plans honestly. People have been expelled for less and this guy now has pretty good standing to say that you're a brutish menace to society who shouldn't even be allowed on the street let alone studying and practicing law.

Who wants a murderer for a lawyer are these the sort of students this place takes in. Students who use excessive violence and coerce and threaten minors?! That'd certainly be a big scandal wouldn't it? The only thing that could make this worse is well if the father of the man she killed was the president of a news paper-

Kaneshiro Isamu’s (68) President of Senkou Newspaper loses only son in display of excessive force by student from xxxxx University.

Now that's a headline and he can run it as many times as he wants. I mean he's the president of the newspaper after all. He's a grieving father after all even if his son did have problems. Having someone like that have an issue with your school or you well that would be bad.

Back to what the audience in shown in Harrow. We know that Kotoko got the jump on her victim in an enclosed space with wooden flooring in contrast to the open space of the warehouse where the victim died later.

Giiven Kotoko's connection and knowledge of law among these other factors I believe this is the most likely timeline of the warehouse incident-

Kotoko takes the victim by surprise attacking him in the enclosed space.

The victim grabs the hammer near his feet and attempts to fight Kotoko off.

As we've been over previously, despite what the victim's shadow alludes to he is shown physically swinging the hammer ahead of him and facing forward not to the side.

The victim flees the enclosed space trying to put distance between himself and his assailant. Possibly even trying to flee the scene entirely.

Kotoko chases the victim down into the larger area of the warehouse. The part with concrete flooring. Catching him and finishing the man off.

Punching and stomping him out with an excessive use of force after already getting him to the ground.

After the incident Kotoko groomed/coached this child to lie in court for her. What Kotoko did is blatantly illustrated to be grooming.

Ove the course of the Deep Cover mv the young girl begins to mimic Kotoko’s behavior.

First through getting a hat of her own to be more like Kotoko,

Then on the street she is shown to be imitating how Kotoko walks and glares,

Before spotting Kotoko and trying to speak to her.

Taking advantage of this clearly traumatized child who she again left to suffer through this situation longer by choosing to not intervene when she saw her being taken to begin with.

Someone who more than likely looked up to her as her hero. The person who saved her from that. What is an elementary schooler going to do when someone who saved their life, the person who got them out of such a harrowing situation tells them that they may be punished for it. That they might go to jail for just trying to rescue them and the only way they can avoid that is by saying that the excessive use of force that this child more than likely witnessed was self-defense.

Their rolemodel, their hero, no their savior couldn't be wrong. This couldn't have been-

"Is this selfish? This isn’t too much is it?"

This wasn't excessive it needed to be done for you to be safe. Besides-

"I've never asked for your understanding!"

Kotoko even incentivises and goads this idolization from the girl in the lyrics of Deep Cover stating,

“Come on, rely on me, go on.”

Kotoko attempts to implement the same tactics we see her use here within Milgram on Es. Over the course of her first and second voice drama. However, it is made more apparent in her second voice drama than in her first.

Kotoko Voice Drama 1, Kotoko Voice Drama 2.

After the girl recanted her statement possibly because of what she saw Kotoko do later on the street in Deep Cover (or maybe even at the behest of her parents who have every right to be suspicious of this type of person hanging around their young daughter but that’s a bit too speculative) Kotoko meets up with her in the park. As she is reading the article discussing the recanting of the girl's statement during this scene she more than likely is meeting with the girl to discuss it.

This meeting may be an attempt to persuade the girl into retestifying on her behalf or coming out with a statement of her own in defense of Kotoko. This is more speculative but it would not be hard for Kotoko to frame it as though Mr.Kaneshiro had threatened the girl into recanting the testimony. Becuase he is a very wealthy and powerful individual it would not be difficult for people to believe that during this independent investigation he coerced the girl into withdrawing her statements to strengthen his own case.

Many can probably guess how that conversation turned out from her second trial glitched voice line.

“From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!”

It is likely that the girl refused to retestify. She may have even told Kotoko that she chose to recant her statement of her own volition. Not liking the behavior, she saw later. At this point it is highly likely that at the refusal to retestify on her behalf Kotoko came up with another plan. It would be incredibly easy to kill the girl herself then claim that she planned to retestify.

That she had come crying to her about how she'd been threatened into recanting her statement and she was too scared to say anything by herself, but someone must have seen. They were in public after all and then this happened. Better to that than to risk having the girl not only recant her testimony but possibly tell others about what she had seen her do recently as well.

Especially while the police were still seeking the assailant in the incident of the man in the back alley. Right now, they thought it was a man but if the girl told then it would be all over for her. The girl simply knows too much. Plus, with the news already framing her as a violent barbarian it'd be easy for people to believe she'd assaulted the other man as well.

While we don’t have solid confirmation of the girl’s death yet. The fact of the matter is most of the music videos of trial two have been focused on the victim’s side of things. The fact that Kotoko’s mv isn’t from the perspective of/highlights the child abductor or the man she jumped in the alley later is incredibly telling. Her glitched voice line in the second trial voice trailer being,

“From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!”

Is very telling as well. Since the statement implies that she is addressing a useless weakling, someone that cannot protect themselves, someone who needs her, someone that looks up to her. Someone that's outlived their usefulness to Kotoko because they refuse to defend/support her behavior anymore. All the things this child is shown to do throughout Deep Cover.

Making it increasingly more likely that Kotoko did not just kill the child abductor but the child as well. Because from the beginning Kotoko has said-

"If it damaged someone’s dream to the point of stopping it- I’ll gouge you out with my fangs."

It doesn't matter to her whether the person getting in the way of her dream is an adult or child.

20/06/18 Amane: Thank you very much for teaching me. ……but, though I realise it’s strange me saying this after I asked you, I must admit it’s kind of unexpected. You give off the impression of someone who wouldn’t want to get involved in things like this. Kotoko: ……well, you’re not wrong. I’m surrounded by people who could all be murderers, so I don’t plan on going out of my way to talk and make friends. I can’t let my guard down. But I like ambitious people like you. If you want to study more, then I’m happy to teach. Amane: I see…… You look scary at first impression, but I quite like the way you treat everyone equally regardless of whether they’re older or younger than you. You don’t just treat me like a child or anything like that. Kotoko: Treat you like a child? Hah, you’ve got to be kidding. Back when I was your age, I was already the person I am today. I don’t have any plans to let you get away with something just “because you’re a child.” ……remember that. There, I’ve finished marking. 83%. How do I put it… Even though you act like this, it’s not like you’re super brilliant at studying or anything, huh.

If her dream if all she ever wanted was a target. Someone to execute that whom she could feel justified in executing then anyone will do. It doesn't matter how small or large the offense. Evil is evil. Even if that evil is as simple as disagreeing with her actions or recanting a statement.

Even worse voting her Innocent just to vote her guilty later is a lot like recanting a statement isn't it. Man those Haruka and Kotoko parrallels keep growing. Didn't he say that if we got close we wouldn't like him, didn't he just argue about how unfair it is to say he's good and then change our mind later during his second voice drama.

"Tell me why you tell me, “Stop”. Don’t you dare stop now."/"Tell me why? Please don’t change."

Just a really interesting thing going on there.

Kotoko even apologizes to Es for not being able to properly deliver punishment to Amane Momose and Mikoto Kayano at the beginning of her second voice drama. Finding it laughable that Es expected that she would not deliver punishment to Amane just because she was a child. Reiterating that she in fact planned to jump the girl as she did Mahiru and Futa as well. However, she was deterred not only by how much time she spent fighting Mikoto but by Kazui as well who intervened once she reached Futa.

So, she has no qualms with killing or severely injuring minors or manipulating them in order to get away with her own actions. At the end of the day-

This is Milgram.

People can vote whichever way they want for any bias under the sun. They can turn away from whatever information they dislike and prop up whatever best fits the narrative they want to see. They can be just as self-centered, coniving, and dishonest as the prisoners themselves. Because when you like someone, when you admire them, you'd do anything to make sure they're doing okay even lie in court or withold information from the police.

Because you believe deep down they're good and if you just give them the opportunity to be that then they will. If you're just sympathetic and try to talk to them about it certainly they'll understand.

"Say that sympathy is useless."

Kotoko's shown us exactly where thinking like that gets you with her- Does anyone feel lucky enough to test that again?

#milgram #yuzuriha kotoko #kotoko yuzuriha #tw grooming

[watermelonsloth]

Itachi and the Uchiha Massacre

This might be one of the most controversial posts I’ll ever make.

I find myself very undecided about how I feel about Itachi’s role in the Uchiha massacre. It fills me with the same moral indecision and disgust of the trauma olympics (aka the comparing of “who had it worse”). Every time I try to come to a consensus, I immediately doubt my conclusion and question whether I’m giving Itachi too much of the benefit of the doubt or I’m not taking his circumstances into account enough. It’s like asking if him being a child outweighs him killing children. And that makes me uncomfortable.

On the one hand, he did something very very very bad. He killed an entire clan of people, including who knows how many innocent civilians and children. He then proceeded to psychologically torture his seven year old brother with the memories of him doing so. Prior to being met with this specific conundrum, I would’ve said without hesitation that this is a black-and-white situation with Itachi being solidly in the wrong. Even if he wasn’t the only perpetrator, he still would deserve much of the blame for being one of the executors of such an abhorrent act.

I cannot stress enough how terrible the massacre would’ve been in practice.

However, and this is where I might lose a few of you, as more information is revealed, one question nags at my entire fucking central nervous system. How much of a choice did Itachi really have?

To understand the full circumstances, first you have to understand that the context falls under two categories: who Itachi is (and his perspective) and what position he was in when he made the decision he did. First, who he is:

Itachi grew up in a militaristic village that normalizes violence, especially violence being used to solve problems.

This village has also normalized putting the village’s survival over oneself and one’s friends/family.

He was alive to see the very end of the third shinobi war and the nine tails attack, two events that have solidified his belief that war is the worst thing ever and should be prevented at all costs.

Hiruzen, Danzo, Kakashi, and Shisui encourage his belief that war should be avoided at any and all costs. Three of them are authority figures (see the Milgram experiment for why that’s relevant) and one of them is his first and only best friend.

He is a very introverted and closed off person. He’s so closed off that not even his immediate family can read him. Because of this, his inner circle is very small (meaning he has a very small support network).

He grew up with a strict, authoritarian father and entered the anbu at a young age, meaning he grew up being expected/pressured to obey those in positions of power without asking questions.

He’s an introvert who’s scared of conflict and keeps his head down.

Second, his actual position when he was told to kill his clan (I might be missing some, so feel free to add any others you remember.):

He was thirteen. That is a child in grade 8. That is the age of most genin.

Tensions between his family and village are implied to have been rising for a while and are now at the point that, for whatever reason, negotiation is deemed impossible.

Tensions are so high that if the village doesn’t act soon, the Uchiha’s coup will spark an all out civil war.

The Uchiha clan has little to no chance of winning the conflict and will likely have most (if not all) of its members killed in it. Plus, the conflict would’ve also resulted in many casualties on Konoha’s side as well, including civilians, children, and shinobi who had nothing to do with what was happening.

Tensions between him and his father are extremely high as well with the two of them being implied to regularly argue.

His best friend, possibly only friend, died by jumping off of a cliff in front of him after giving him one of his eyes and left the responsibility of handling the entire situation to him.

He’s being suspected for the murder of said best friend (and was flat out accused of it in front of his younger brother by three adult police officers) and is suspected as being more loyal to the village than to his clan, making him even more of an outcast to his clan.

He's aware that his best friend was attacked and mutilated by Danzo, one of the village leaders and his superior. If he wants any action taken against Danzo, he’ll have to fight a solo, uphill battle against all of the village leaders and risk losing all sway over the Uchiha situation (which would still be a ticking time bomb) in the process.

If he doesn’t want to fight a two sided war or lose what little power he has in the situation, his safest option is to follow orders while pushing for a plan where casualties are minimized.

Did Itachi have other options? Yes, I’m not gonna pretend that genocide was Itachi’s only choice. But a lot of people seem to forget how difficult or flawed a lot of his alternatives would have actually been in practice.

For example, I’ve seen a lot of people throw around the idea of Itachi just grabbing Sasuke and leaving the village. First of all, the massacre still would’ve happened, Itachi and Sasuke just wouldn’t have been there for it. Second, Itachi would’ve had to remove Sasuke from the village without being caught by the village or the Uchiha clan when he was under the scrutiny of both. Itachi is a good shinobi, but I don’t know if he’s that good. Third, how would he even get Sasuke to go along with him? Itachi may not have been close to his clan, but Sasuke loved his clan. Yes, Sasuke also loved Itachi, but it’s a pretty big stretch to say that seven-year-old Sasuke would’ve just gone along with it, especially when he wouldn’t have been able to understand the true scale of the situation. (Itachi would pretty much have to kidnap Sasuke for this plan to work.) Fourth (and similarly), people don’t tend to like uprooting their entire lives to leave the home they grew up in, even in emergency situations or when it’s the objectively better/safer option. Itachi and Sasuke, who were both raised to be “lay down their lives” loyal to their home, would’ve been especially averse to this idea. Fifth, even if they got over all of that and got out of the village, Itachi would have to raise his younger brother alone at thirteen years old while being on the run from a world power with no protection in a world where they’re at risk of being killed or getting the attention of creeps like Orochimaru simply for having kekkei genkai. It’s not like Itachi had outside contacts (beside Obito but Obito would not have helped them even if Itachi trusted him enough to trust Sasuke’s life to him) or there was a benevolent nation to take them in. Even if they managed to one day settle into a peaceful life, it would’ve taken years of fighting to survive before they’d have gotten there. Cool fanfic idea, but making Itachi slightly more innocent isn’t a solution.

The idea that Itachi should’ve just told the Uchiha clan what was going on and got help from them is similarly short sighted. The Uchiha clan were the victims in this situation, but they weren’t perfect angels either. Itachi was not close to, or particularly well liked by, his clan. Save for Shisui (who is theoretically dead in this scenario) and Sasuke, he had no emotional connection to the clan, only vague respect and a waning sense of responsibility towards it. And even if he did go to them, Itachi telling them what was happening would’ve just sparked a civil war, the one thing Itachi was desperate to avoid and the thing that would’ve gotten them all killed.

So…

What was the point of all this?

I’ll admit that I hoped typing out my thoughts would somehow end in me settling on an opinion, but right now I’m still just as undecided and significantly more depressed. Because, like, it’s just a depressing, shitty situation where there were victims and perpetrators and Itachi who just so happened to be both. Maybe trying to ask if Itachi is either “good” or “evil” is asking the wrong question. Maybe the entire discussion about how moral Itachi is as a person or all of the other choices he could’ve made is missing the point.

#itachi uchiha #the Itachi morality conundrum #this should replace the trolly problem because OH MY GOD- #a looooong #rambling #i wrote this over the course of two days #naruto shippuden #naruto #the Uchiha massacre #the uchiha clan #discussing the morality within Naruto is exhausting #naruto analysis #character analysis #analysis #my stooff #I know that in the end Konoha is the greatest perpetrator and is to blame #But I thought ending this with that conclusion would be lame and miss the entire point of having this discussion #Though I guess how this ended isn’t all that much better

[johanna-swann]

White Collar is really one of those shows I love to hate/hate to love (settle in for a rant). Everytime someone breaks a law they're immediately painted as unethical and morally wrong. Even if they had a good reason to commit the crime. Even if they had no choice. Even if nobody was harmed. Even if the only person who suffered financial loss is an asshole millionaire. There's sympathy for the perpetrator's situation, but they're still always painted as being in the wrong. It's all black and white.

I'm rewatching season 4 right now and Neal's mother figure who he has lived with all of his childhood, who raised him and who was a better mom to him than his biological mother just got murdered. The only way to get any leads is to gain access to the US Marshals' files on the case, but they won't co-operate with Neal's FBI friends. So Neal considers to obtain the information he needs - to solve his (kinda) mom's murder - by stealing it. Which I wouldn't judge him for in the first place because his mother got fucking murdered.

But Neal shows incredible restraint and strength of character: He decides against the B&E and even when another thief offers him a deal à la Patricia Highsmith (Strangers on a Train) he refuses. He wants to "stay clean" and knows any mistake he makes would also reflect badly on his FBI colleagues. He would not be the only one to suffer the consequences if things go south.

The other thief is resourceful though, she steals the files anyway and plants fake evidence to frame Neal. Which forces Neal to play along since she has the power to send him to prison now. There's damning evidence against Neal, nobody would believe he didn't do it. But even while he plays along he still finds a way to get the other thief arrested, the stolen items seized by the FBI and confesses the entire story to his handler Peter immediately.

Peter is upset about this. He thinks Neal should've trusted him from the start instead of waiting so long and I kind of get this part. They're best friends in a way and Neal didn't trust Peter. Reminder though: Neal was blackmailed, his mother just got murdered and nothing he did inflicted lasting damage on anything or anyone.

And here comes the real kicker: By having the other thief arrested by the FBI while in possession of the files, the files became evidence in an FBI case - meaning Neal and Peter (who wants to help Neal with finding the murderer) now legally have access to them. And Peter is somehow angry about this???

Again: Neal's mother figure was just violently murdered. Neal only stole anything in the first place because he was blackmailed with the threat of prison. Peter has arrested Neal and put him in prison twice before btw. Neal found a way to legally search previously inaccessible files for leads in an open murder investigation which Peter wants to work with Neal. And Peter is upset. Because? Is he seriously angry that Neal is trying to solve his not-bio mother's murder?

And I'm supposed to sit here, do what the show wants me to do and relate to both of them equally? Bc that's not what's happening here.

The longer the show goes on the less I even like Peter, much less relate to him. If the show was any good, yes, they'd have Neal learn that actions have consequences, but at the same time have Peter learn that the system he is a part of is far from perfect. But no. Peter learns nothing and Neal never catches a break. Fucking copaganda.

#white collar #neal caffrey #peter burke #copaganda #long post #ellen parker

[lgbtlunaverse]

Very early on in the nieyao brainrot i was like "why is murder sexy to me now. I blame jinkei." And i meant that in a kind of jokey manner because jinkei doesn't really have all THAT much in common with nieyao aside from, like, betrayal, divorce, murder and class elements.

However. Once you look a bit closer at 3zun and dabihawkstwice you realize that they all have a disturbing amount of things in common except the traits are differently distributed among the characters, resulting in very different dynamics.

So, what i mean is:

Murder: hawks > twice. Meng yao > mingjue. Xichen> meng yao. Mingjue > meng yao (?)

Spying: Meng yao. Hawks.

Being "too trusting" as a character flaw: Xichen. Twice.

Extreme devotion to father flips, after years of mistreatment, to extreme dedication to patricide: Meng Yao. Dabi.

Two characters are doylistically on one side of the "protagonist - antagonist" divide and one is on the other. The one on the other puts a lot of effort into making the other two believe they are on the same side. Only one of them believes this. (Meng yao: antagonist trying to convince nmj and lxc he's a protagonist, only lxc believes him. Hawks: hero trying to convince dabi & twice he is a villain. Only twice believes him)

Ironically, the character who does not believe them played a large part in bringing them into the fold in the first place: Nie mingjue promoting meng yao. Dabi recruiting hawks

Daddy issues: (bass boosted) ALL OF THESE MOTHERFUCKERS except possibly jin.

Character's crimes in large part motivated by alive & abusive father: Meng yao. Dabi

Character driven to crime by other options being locked out due to lower class background and discrimination: Meng Yao. Twice

Character is lifted out of impoverished conditions due to recognition for a heroic event, but this puts them in the claws of another person/organization that uses them for their own gain to do terrible things: Meng Yao. Hawks

(Bitch how does this little fucker have all 3 of their motivations???)

Characters who are so driven to a goal and so willing to die for it it borders on being straight up suicidal: Nie Mingjue. Dabi. (Hawks???)

Bonus: killed character mourned by younger sibling (figure) who swears revenge on their killer: Huaisang. Toga.

Character who killed other character was convinced "they had no other choice": Meng Yao. Hawks.

Mental health issue (connected to magic system) causes personality change: mingjue. Twice

Power is slowly killing you. You keep using it anyways: Mingjue. Dabi

Class differences causing one character to misunderstand what drives another character to do what they did, causing them to condemn their actions without providing a meaningful out: nieyao. Jinkei

"I can fix him" gone wrong: jinkei. Xiyao.

Cute lil teacher-student roleplay: jinkei. Xiyao

Younger foils succeed where they failed: xiyao - wangxian. Jinkei - 1A trio and their respective villains

Orphaned at an early age: Twice. Mingjue

Character not orphaned but mainly raised by someone else than parents: Hawks. Xichen

Character plans long-con revenge while keeping everything a secret from everyone in their social circle: Dabi.... well this isn't really anyone in 3zun- oh shit here comes huaisang with a steel chair!

Character trying to gather information vs that one motherfucker they can't figure out: meng yao with mingjue. Hawks with dabi.

Getting fucking stabbed: Meng yao. Twice.

Character witnesses (dad-related) crime and learns that society will do nothing about it because the perpetrator is powerful enough and so becomes deeply disgusted with those ignoring the problem and vows to enact justice very loudly and very visibly themselves: Nie Mingjue. Dabi. (The difference here is that mingjue is loud the entire time and Dabi spends 10 years quietly working up to his live TV debut which, as I said above, makes him a huaisang)

Trying to be the opposite of your father just puts you exactly where he ended up: Xichen. Dabi

Trying to be just like your father will fucking kill you: Mingjue. Dabi (yes dabi is both of these)

Character doesn't give a fuck that your betrayal might end up killing them (spoilers: it will) but stay the fuck away from the people close to them: Mingjue Twice.

Karma comes in the form of the ex you murdered back from the dead (except not really back) trying to kill you: Meng Yao. Hawks.

The ex in question: Mingjue. Twice.

One character is hiding something big from the other the entire time: meng yao with both his sworn brothers but primarily xichen. And both dabi and hawks with twice.

Mommy issues (you wanted to save your mom. You couldn't): Meng Yao. Hawks

Mommy issues (uhhh it's complicated ): Xichen. Dabi

If you HAD to assign each of them an equivalent my best attempt would be mingjue-dabi, xichen-twice, and meng yao- hawks but that clearly doesn't fit them all that well.

Dabitwice are nothing like nielan beyond, like, being friends and one of them dying. For one, Dabi is highkey a bitch (affectionate) in a way that nie mingjue just. Isn't. Even at his most anry and violent he isn't bitchy and Dabi IS. Secondly, nielan are defined by their standing in society and, as a consequence of that, their responsibility towards their people. They will always prioritise those in their care over their own wantsand expect the ofher to do the sameeven if it pulls them apart. Especially Nie "how dare you waste time trying to save my life lan xichen you are BUSY with your JOB." Mingjue. Meanwhile, dabitwice have both been spit out by hero society and no longer give a single fuck about what it's trying to tell them. They're opposites!

Nieyao as dabihawks makes a little more sense i suppose. These are two people who don't trust each other, but are still tied together (and, if you want to read into that, despite everything, kind of genuinely like each other. And kind of hate themselves for it) however. Nie mingjue is way too direct to be Dabi. Dabihawks are two people who don't trust each other, yes, but crucially one of them is trying to win the other's trust and the other is pretending that it's working while actually not buying their shit at all. This is a sangyao dynamic.

And trying to imagine the jinkei fight between xichen and jgy feels just straight up Wrong because the power dynamics are all upside down and jgy, for all that he can monologue very nicely, would never gloat about how easy it was to deceive xichen. He kind of does the exact opposite. Also the person who ends up being killed is uhhh very much the wrong one.

Rather, the jinkei fight starts out as nieyao divorce #2 fire palace edition except instead of meng yao being in spy mode hawks is taking the spy mask OFF. Then it becomes nieyao divorce #3 staircase edition, where they are both, somehow, nie mingjue and meng yao at the same time. We've got "some of my worst trauma is being repeated right now" for meng yao and twice. And "I have to win to protect other people from you" for hawks and nie mingjue... and also twice again, who is very willing to die here as long as he makes sure hawks doesn't hurt the rest of the league. And "I wanted to save you but you're attacking me so you leave me no choice... I have to kill you." For hawks and meng yao.

AND THEN dabi bursts through the wall like the kool-aid man and suddenly the entire jinkei fight leading up to this has actually been the xiyao temple divorce and dabi is fierce corpse nie mingjue ready to fuck your shit up. Except he is also, somehow, huaisang and actually this is all according to keikaku. Right up until the murder. Which, unlike huaisang, was not part of his plan.

The fact that I can describe these dynamics using the other characters as ingrdients, combining them to make a full meal, and they also just happen to be Ultimate Blorbos from their respective shows, is SO funny to me. like. Wow. I sure do have hyperspecific tastes huh. You put these things in a dynamic and i'll just eat it up everytime. What is wrong with me.

#I don't even have daddy issues why do i keep making blorbos out of Daddy Issues McGee characters?? #mdzs #bnha #dabi is not only mingjue he is also a jiang cheng and a nie huaisang #sangcheng baby except he mostly inherited the issuesTM #hawks is not only a meng yao he is also a xichen and a wei wuxian #twice is not only a xichen he is also a little bit of a xue yang #WHICH. WHAT A COMBINATION #no one asked and this post was not about her but toga is also blorbo to me so she is both huaisang and xue yang #dabi #hawks #todoroki touya #takami keigo #twice #bubaigawara jin #dabihawkstwice #3zun #lan xichen #nie mingjue #jin guangyao #meng yao #characters need to stop having multiple names it is a crime against me personally #i can't believe i made this whole post for 3zun and dabihawkstwice and all it did was make me realize that dabihawks is actually sangyao #is... is keigo's name the incest equivalent in this scenario #fuck what a cursed sentence never make me say that again

[diaryofanangrybitch]

I’m not crying, you are.

February 2024

I haven't been doing well. I've been struggling to get up in the morning and struggling to complete everyday tasks. I've been crying – a lot. I cry on my way to work and on my way back. I cry in bed and in the shower, in the kitchen and on the couch. Every day I wake up, and an overwhelming sense of dread seeps into every crevice of my body. I carry it with me for the rest of the day. It's heavy. My head weighs a tonne and my shoulders slump. Holding myself up is exhausting. I'm tired. So fucking tired. With all my energy spent on just getting through the day, there's none left to help me enjoy it. Everything is a chore.

How I ended up here is complicated, with a multitude of minor obstacles building up into one giant jungle gym. It's a maze with booby traps, loopholes, and jump-scares. I fucking hate jump-scares.

First and foremost, the environment where I spend majority of my time has changed – my workplace. Typically, I enjoy my work. It's complex, fast-paced, challenging and entirely conducive to my ideals. However, at the moment, it's entirely unstable, and I don't function well without a solid base. It's reached the extent now that I dread going to work in the mornings. This isn't uncommon for me. I go through clear ups-and-downs with work, but this down is pervasive.

Work and I have a complicated relationship. The entire concept of having to engage in wage labour in order to access basic human necessities. like shelter and food is absolutely absurd. We aren’t given much of a choice but to adhere to and/or enforce capitalist structures. That’s bad enough in itself (and I have no doubt I’ll be writing more about this in the future), but the fact that work takes me away from what I actually want to be doing is just the cherry on top.

Writing is what I truly want to be doing. I want to write books and novels, both fiction and non-fiction. I want to write about my fantasies and my daydreams, my critiques of theories and rallying cries to activism. I want to write my thoughts and opinions and imaginative worlds to fuel my need for sweet, sweet escapism. Unfortunately, writing doesn't pay the bills, and I'm therefore forced to squander my creativity and become a cog in the capitalist machine, ironically in a role dedicated to fixing the disasters it causes.

I've been trying to tailor my writing to be more marketable, more attractive to the everyday consumer and appealing to publishers, but that's not as fun as writing what I actually want to. I'm used to writing heavy, traumatic literary fiction about young women overcoming trauma, and balancing this with some YA fiction and cheesy romance. My stories are always set in other countries, never Australia. It feels too real to me, too close to home. But, I've decided to give it a go. It probably isn't the right time to challenge myself emotionally in this way, but I've been wanting to do it for quite a while and never had the guts to. If I have them now, I don't want to wait.

On top of that, I've been writing about my own experiences of trauma. I've been recapping all my experiences of violence, detailing exactly what happened to me, from the injuries they caused to the look in my perpetrator's eyes. This was going to be triggering for me. I knew that. It had been fine right up until the point of my involvement in mental health services, and the systems injustices that followed. It's been so upsetting to me, I've needed to take a break. I haven't been able to get through it. It's made me angry.

Now, I'm struggling to write both fiction and non-fiction, leaving me in a state of frustration. My usual outlets aren't as available as they were before. I'm being harsh on myself, too. I could take a break from writing an Australian novel and focus on some Americanised romance, but that feels like a cop out. It also won't fix the problem. I'm already half-way up the mountain. I'd be stupid to back down now.

Life doesn’t consider these things. It doesn't stop. It doesn't give you a break. Your responsibilities at home don't ease off when you're struggling emotionally, or when you're having a rough time at work. It doesn’t care if you're having an existential crisis or trying to overcome trauma. The world around you keeps on spinning. At home, there's always something to do, whether it's doing the dishes, changing the sheets, or vacuuming the carpet. A certain part of my brain is always dedicated solely to what needs to be done at home – what groceries need to be done and what bills need to be paid.

My physical health isn't great at the moment, either. I've been having some pain around my spleen, where I had surgery last year. The doctors don't think it's anything major, but it still needs to be followed up and will still need to be monitored. More things to organize and be mindful of.

When I was catching the train to work, these responsibilities were more manageable. I had nothing to do but sit and wait to arrive, so I could easily make a to-do list, order the groceries, or make appointments. That's not an option anymore. The trains are down, so I'm driving 45-60 minutes each way just to get to work. That's almost two hours a day gone.

It was my car that sent me over the edge this week. I was driving home from work when a rock hit my windscreen and chipped the glass. I called my insurance to lodge a claim, but it wasn't confirmed the first time so I had to go through the claim again. They sent some guys out to fix it, but it wasn't done properly. Now I need to follow it all up again. It's nothing major, but in conjunction with everything else, it was too much. It's another setback – another thing requiring space in my brain. It pushed me over the edge.

It's the way the situation just doesn't seem to let up that's bothering me. It's things not going to plan, and consistently going wrong, despite my efforts to fix them. If just one thing could go smoothly, that would be great.

I feel like a bad girlfriend. Liam hasn't had the easiest time lately either, but he hasn't once complained about my sour mood or lack of emotional presence. He's kept things stable and consistent. He's been on the rollercoaster with me, giving me love when I need it and space when I don't.

This can't last much longer. I want to do better and be better. Something has got to give. Either things ease off, or I learn to manage it better. Both sound impossible.

[drwcn]

maybe after today’s acls training i can finally write that chengqing ER oneshot. 

— “Patient male, mid-twenties, motor vehicle collision, eta 3 mins” 

— “What no vitals? No GCS? ETA 3 mins? Who’s on the paramedic team?!” 

— “No one….Dr. Lu hit someone with her car on her way out of the hospital.” 

【A Midnight Conversation in Your Local ER】- Complete

[1] 

The night hunt had gone to shits.

That much was undeniable.

Jiang Cheng heard the panicked shout of his disciples just as he saw the array that he had stepped on.

Fuck.

The ghost of an once mediocre demonic cultivator wanna-be was going to bring Jiang Cheng, Jiang Wanyin - the Sandu Shengshou - to meet his maker. The irony of the situation would be laughable, if he wasn’t so irrevocably screwed.

That was his last thought before his entire body was engulfed by a blinding light and the world he knew disappeared.

The ground beneath his feet gave away, weightlessness paralyzing his body though he did not fall. He felt…launched, his body warping and squeezing and stretching, the air sucked from his lungs into the endless black vacuum.

But just like that it was over. Jiang Cheng barely had time to make peace with his death before his feet touch solid earth again.

Or at least….he thought it was earth, this black, tarry hard thing striped with yellow and white. He stared at it dumbly, breathless and disoriented, barely able to react when a loud blare assaulted his senses and his world went blindly bright yet again.

This time there was pain.

Jiang Cheng clutched Sandu, ready to fight, but then his head hit the ground and everything went dark. When he woke up again, an indeterminate amount of time later, he was in a small tube and had a distinct feeling he was not wearing pants, socks or shoes.

How the fuck do you ‘scan’ a cat???  

[2]

Method actor. The nurse, from the other side of the curtain, mouthed silently.

“Sir, can you tell me your name.”

“Jiang Cheng, Jiang Wangyin.”

The resident paused, awkwardly contemplating how to continue. “Uh…..which is it? Jiang Cheng or Jiang Wanyin?”

“Jiang Cheng, zi Wanyin.”

“Traditional parents?” The resident tried to crack a joke, but it fell flat. The strange man stared up at him with a blank look in his eyes and a frown that was rapidly deteriorating into a scowl. The resident cleared his throat and cast his eyes back onto his clipboard. “Uh, ahem, just the name on your ID please.”

“My what?" 

"Your personal ID….like a driver’s license?”

“Cultivators of the gentry fly on swords or ride horses. We do not rely on carriage valets.”

“Eh… right. Uhm, can you tell me how old you are and what year it is.”

“I’m 39, and the year is jiachen.”

Lu Qi frowned from where she stood by the door, arms crossed, watching her resident and medical student work. 39? He looks like a college student. But he also thinks he can fly, so I guess age is the least of our worries. 

“Jiachen.…?”

The M3 fished his phone out from his scrub pocket pocket and typed it in. “Sounds like the ganji system, like an old timey way to record year used in the past.” He whispers clandestinely to the resident.

“….Right. And uh, do you where you are?”

The man scowled at him. “Am I supposed to?” 

The resident scribbled something on the chart, and then looked up with a plastered awkward smile. “Well, thank you Mr. Jiang for your patience. Wang Fei here is the medical student on our team. He’s going to stay and ask you a couple more questions if you don’t mind. Afterwards we’ll confer with our attending and the team will be back to see you shortly.”

As he turned away, the R3 grimaced and shared a look with Lu Qi, who was the youngest attending physician in their ER, but was not technically working at the moment and so was not on the case. And technically, as the perpetrator who hit Jiang Cheng with her car, she had a severe conflict of interest.

At least this Jiang Cheng dude didn’t seem keen on pressing personal charges against her for MVA or suing the hospital in general… but that being said…

Yeah, they’re going to need a psych consult. 

Unless he’s on acid. 

Well… okay, psych consult either way. 

[3]

"It’s okay, you can relax.” Jiang Cheng said, waving dismissively at the woman standing by his bedside. “I’m not going to take you to the magistrate for hitting me with your carriage - car. You didn’t mean to, and I just came out of nowhere.” 

“....Thank you.” 

“You’re not Wen Qing. I know that now. Your name is Lu Qi. You can call off those psychia - psych - psychics - head healers - or whatever, I’m not crazy. It’s not my fault, you just… look so much like someone I used to know."

"Wen Qing.” Lu Qi echoed. 

“Yeah. Wen Qing. She was a healer - a doctor - like you, but different.” 

“I see. What happened to her?"

"She died. Almost twenty years ago."

"I'm sorry... that's awful.” Lu Qi’s response rolled off her tongue so well, because she had said those word a thousand times during her residency. So much so that it no longer had much meaning to her. Tonight however, she meant what she said. “Were you two close?"

"No, well…yes, maybe. No we weren’t exactly friends if that’s what you’re asking. She...operated on me. Without my consent or knowledge. Took my brother’s golden core and put it in me and then lied with my brother to my face about it. So no we weren’t “close”, but Wen Qing saved my life - well the purpose of it anyway. Saved me from a life of ordinariness.” 

Lu Qi did allow herself to dwell too much on what the fuck a “golden core” was, because her gut response was almost instantaneous. “That’s shitty of her.”

She clamped down on her tongue. 

God, why did I have to say that? To his face?! He was obviously in love with this Wen Qing person and they were encroaching on some dangerous emotional territories, but Lu Qi swallowed down her caution and plowed on nevertheless. There were things she felt she had to say, and since she’d already hit him with her car, how much worse could this shit get? “What I mean is she shouldn’t have. Not without telling you. Besides...there’s nothing wrong with ordinary.” 

Jiang Cheng chuckled bitterly. “Maybe you’re right. Still...she didn’t deserve to die. What her clan did was not her fault.” 

Now that threw Lu Qi off. Did this guy...kill her? 

Lu Qi half wondered if she stumbled upon a Yakuza-esque member whose psyche finally snapped after years of murder and violence. And yet, he seemed perfectly coherent, no flight of ideas, no tangential thought, no hallucations. Even his delusions seemed...logical. 

I must be the one losing, damnit.  

Jiang Cheng scratched a little at his chest, as if palpating for the “golden core” that he spoke of. "She saved my life, but when she needed help, I couldn't save her. But, if I were to go back… I can't say I'll choose differently. My clan needed me, my clan who was almost cleansed by hers. No, no I wouldn’t choose differently. I don’t regret my choices, but I am sorry. Sorry to her, sorry to my brother. I'll always be sorry that she died, and that I failed her when she needed me." 

Jiang Cheng had no idea why he was telling this stranger any of this, but maybe after twenty years, he was finally ready to address this guilt that he lived with. I mean who else was he supposed to tell? Jin Ling? It was nice, to have that face as an audience, receiving his words of confession. 

"She would forgive you." 

Lu Qi had no idea why she was offering absolution as if she had authority in this matter, but when she said it, the conviction she felt was so real, it was almost as though some external force was acting through her.

Which was ridiculous of course, but... 

"How do you know? You're not her." Jiang Cheng shook his head. “I wouldn’t forgive me.” 

"No, but you said she was a physician. So she should know, more than most, that sometimes there is no choosing who gets to live or die."

Jiang Cheng fell quiet at that, and his gaze grew distant. Lu Qi thought perhaps he was no longer seeing her as she was in front of him - white coat, scrubs, stethoscope -  but someone entirely different. The tension he held in his shoulders slowly eased, and he sighed. In the silence that stretched between them, Lu Qi hoped that this strange man with his strange past could find a sliver of peace. 

[4]

— Did you love her? 

— I thought so, foolishly, but maybe I didn’t. Even if I did, it was not well enough. 

— Do you love her still? 

— No... I don’t know. It’s been too long...but sometimes, late at night when Lotus Pier is quiet, I think I do. 

...

— Are you ashamed of it? 

...

— No. No I’m not. 

[5]

The patient known as Jiang Cheng left AMA, that is, against medical advice. It was the term they used sometimes for people who just up and leave without informing the team. 

Lu Qi had gone out to check on his labs, which came back with bonker numbers (I mean really, a hemoglobin of 455, sodium of 200, and a HCO3 of like...3?), but Jiang Cheng was gone from Bay 6 when she returned. The nurse made the overhead page, a code yellow was called, but four hours later, Lu Qi was ready to admit that she was never going to see this Jiang Cheng ever again. 

Somehow, she was okay with that. She had said what needed to be said.  

Her chief had given her a call on her cell and told her to go home and sleep. The guy didn’t look like he was gonna press charges, let’s count our blessings and move on. But the night had just been too damn strange that Lu Qi was all wired up from it and couldn’t possibly fall asleep. She had handover at 10 anyway. There was a change of clothes and toiletries in her bag. She could always take a shower in the anesthesia staff’s on call room and sleep until then. 

Dr. Sun was the anesthesia staff on-call tonight and was currently stuck in trauma OR. They were buddies since medschool; she’d understand.

Sighing, Lu Qi took a seat on the bench across from the bougie cafe in the lobby of the hospital. At this hour, it was the only one still open in the entire facility. The drinks they sold cost an arm and a leg, but Lu Qi needed the pick-me-up after the night she had. 

As she nursed the last bit of her matcha latte, two bickering voices pulled her attention to the front entrance. 

“Aiyo, A-Liang I already said I’m fine! I don’t need to be here!” 

“Fuck out of here with that bullshit, Chen Zhaoxi. You fell off the fucking roof! If Wu Kun hadn’t called me, you’d have gone on -”

It was him! Lu Qi shot up. It was Jiang Cheng! 

But no...no it wasn’t him. The well-dressed man dragging the second man (dressed in red pajamas) into the hospital was not Jiang Cheng. He had the same face - chiselled, handsome, scowling - but it wasn’t him. For one, his hair was trimmed short and neat, unlike Jiang Cheng who looked like he walked straight out of a BL xianxia tv drama. Secondly, his face was softer, eyes younger, and he couldn’t have been older than Lu Qi herself in her early thirties. 

“I was just trying to get to the litter of kittens trapped -”

“Yes, yes, and it was very heroic and I’m sure it would’ve made Wu Kun very horny, and you morons probably would’ve fucked once he got home had you not made a valiant attempt at breaking your neck -” 

“Excuse me,” the security guard manning the information desk chastised sharply. “It’s 4am. This is a hospital! Lower your voices, sirs.” 

“Sorry.” The men apologized sheepishly. 

Then, A-Liang, Jiang Cheng’s doubleganger asked, “Could you please direct us to the ER? This is my brother, he fell off a roof.” 

Lu Bin had no idea what possessed her to interject. “I can take you there.” 

All eyes fell on her. She walked towards them, heart pounding. 

This can’t be happening, this kind of thing just can’t happen... 

A-Liang’s face broke into a grateful smile. “Thank you, Miss -” Then his gaze trailed to her badge, and he corrected himself, “Dr. Lu. I’m Shen Liang. This is my brother Chen Zhaoxi. I think he fractured...well multiple things, please help him.” 

“Of course, come with me. Let’s get him a wheelchair. If he fractured is leg, he probably shouldn’t be walking.” 

“I didn’t fracture -” 

“You, you shut up.” Shen Liang rolled his eyes. “Don’t listen to him. He can lose three out of four limbs and say ‘ t’s but a flesh wound’.” 

Lu Qi couldn’t help but chuckle as she put an arm under the complaining Chen Zhaoxi and helped him towards the wheelchair. 

Shen Liang’s smile widened. 

[Extra]

“Holy shit, took you long enough!” 

When Jin Ling and Lan Sizhui finally dragged Jiang Cheng to their portal site, Jiang Cheng realized that the transportation talisman had created a channel through realities between what looked like two metal garbage dumpsters in a back alley behind a food establishment marked by giant yellow bunny ears.

Standing guard there, Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen were each munching on a strange layered bread and holding tall drinks contained in...what was it called again? Right. Styrofoam. 

“What is that?” Jin Ling wrinkled is nose at it. Brat. 

“It’s a Big Mac.” Replied Lan Jingyi as if Jin Ling was stupid. “And this is a milk shake.” 

Jin Ling scowled. “I said the bag of gold I gave you was for emergencies.” 

“Yeah but we were hungry.” Ouyang Zizhen defended. He neglected to tell them that the cashier had refused to accept the gold and instead asked for “cash” or “card”, neither of which they had, so Zizhen used a liiiiil confounding talisman he learned from Wei Wuxian. They did leave more than enough gold though...and that ought to cover the restaurant’s cost for their “burger”lary . Reaching into the brown paper bag he held under one arm, Zizhen pulled out a little box that opened to show pieces of... something. “These are chicken nuggets. They’re delicious! Try one! They’re really good with this sauce....hold on...” 

Lan Sizhui sighed. “We don’t have time for this. The portal will close soon. Let’s get Jiang-zongzhu home and we can sample these exotic food later.” 

The boys agreed. 

Jiang Cheng shook his head and huffed. 

#cql #the untamed #chengqing #wen qing #jiang cheng #a midnight conversation in your local er #cql ficlet #corie fics

[this-world-of-beautiful-monsters]

Random Thoughts On The Matrix (spoiler warnings for those squares like me who took too long to watch it )

I found it fascinating how this movie, which relies so much around rebellion and rejecting the system, also has a lot to do with trust. Neo trusts Morpheus and Trinity, they trust Neo, the ship members trust each other and lose almost everything when Cypher betrays their trust. Taking the red pill, while portrayed as a rejection of lies and the status quo, is also an ultimate act of trust--you have to trust the person giving you the information that fuels your choice, have to trust that the pills isn’t LSD or poison.

I was particularly struck by the amount of care meant to help Neo recover from the Matrix, where he had to nurtured and guided by those around him before he could so much as stand. For a film as badass and hard-hitting as this one, I didn’t really expect that. Furthermore, entering or leaving the Matrix is impossible without a combined group effort. Neo is meant to be the One, but it takes the efforts of the Many to get him there. 

The film’s protagonists actually don’t spend that much time in the “real world” because protecting this dream means fighting on a different playing field altogether. The fights they wage in the Matrix are very different from the ones in reality, at least in the first movie--in the Matrix they wage an action hero’s fantasy of bullets and super jumps, while in “reality” the real violence is perpetrated by a villain--everything else is against machine. It is true that the in-program violence has real consequences, but we don’t see it.

 I guess you could see it as how real change comes with groundwork--violence is often inevitable, and sometimes even necessary, but lasting change comes from slow, nitty-gritty labor. We don’t see the time and effort spent in writing code and building machines, but we nothing that nothing would be possible without a community, without trust. It’s same system of grassroots campaigns and new laws that works in tandem with protests and rebellious art or writing.

Maybe this got my attention because we don’t live in a world of Ones, even if these have their part to play as the faces of revolutions. We live in a world where people, like the crew of the Nebuchadnezzar, are dissatisfied with the way things are and come together in the interest of change. They grow to trust each other, and trust fuels their movements...whether they’re fighting for the rights of marginalized groups and political reform, or are fighting to build the old order back up, like misogynistic “red pills” who pervert many of the film’s themes of rebellion and community.

While leaving the Matrix means sacrificing a dream for a reality, you could also look at it as exchanging one dream for another. Neo and the others have traded the AI’s dream of world domination for their own dream of freedom and choice. "Red pill” is meant to refer to seeing the world as it really is, but a lot of the Matrix involves being able to see what the world can become--to have faith in a reality where a spoon can bend, a man fly, and the old world order can fall.

Of course, having a dream like that means first acknowledging reality. There’s a lot of privilege that needs to be given up to leave the Matrix; you not only realize there’s another world under your feet, but you actively go to live in, and come face to face with all its hunger and fear. Cypher can’t handle this and is willing to destroy everything in hopes of being allowed to forget again, to regain his former privilege. (His decision, of course, is also fueled by his fucked-up feelings for Trinity; I don’t understand how anyone can watch the disturbing fucking scene where he creeps out over her unconscious body and then straight-facedly associate The Matrix with an online community that considers women the predatory rulers of men).

Reality, while vital for bringing one out of a dream, also threatens to wear you down if you don’t have a dream of your own. Cypher doesn’t believe in the group’s dream, isn’t able to trust them, and almost everything is destroyed as a result. Escaping one dream is doomed both because of the harshness of reality and out of Cypher’s inability to believe in a better dream for the future.

It’s funny how a movie so centered around the savior narrative also leaves you thinking, “no one can got it alone” at times. A rebellion is just a guy with a gun if it isn’t for the hope, love, and community fueling his fight.

(Also, I’m not saying Agent Smith deliberately and repeatedly using Neo’s old name to undermine and belittle him made me think of deadnaming, but it made me think of deadnaming.

Also, Trinity/Neo/Morpheus are a polyam supertrio and I refuse to acknowledge any canon where they don’t live happily ever after).

#The Matrix #red pill #deadnaming #dreams #reality #activism #rebellion #films #Trinity #Neo #Morpheus #Agent Smith #Cypher #Trinity/Neo/Morpheus #the matrix trilogy

[for-the-ninth]

Cullen’s “Redemption”

I’m very fucking late to the party, but here’s where I stand on the seemingly neverending Cullen debate. 

Is he deserving of redemption? 

No. I don’t think anybody is “deserving” of redemption, because forgiveness is something that you as a perpetrator of harm have to earn. Some people will be willing to let you back into their good graces, and sometimes the harm that you’ve caused is too much and they choose not to forgive you. Both of those responses are entirely valid. No one owes Cullen any sort of redemption or forgiveness for the people he has harmed. 

Is he capable of redemption?

Yes. I believe anyone who is willing to take accountability for their actions, make true amends that center those they’ve harmed, and make a genuine commitment (and stick to it) to do better going forward is capable of redemption. 

Was Cullen redeemed in DA:I?

I don’t think so, no. In my headcanon (and the fic I’m writing), Cullen acknowledges that he’s fucked up in a big way, and he makes efforts to amend the harm. He is confronted directly by the Inquisitor and when that happens, he makes a true apology and listens to her experiences. He actually offers to step down from his position in the Inquisition because he recognizes that he has abused his power in the past and is unfit for the role that he’s been given. In the real world, when people betray us or others we love, accountability doesn’t happen overnight and neither does forgiveness. For Cullen to go through the entire plot of DA:I still expressing anti-mage sentiments and never being confronted by the other characters is hardly what I would consider redemption or accountability. 

But isn’t Cullen traumatized? What about his indoctrination by the Chantry?

Yes, Cullen has PTSD and was both indoctrinated and made a drug addict by the Chantry. He also used his position of power to aid and abet the widespread abuse of mages. The two are not mutually exclusive. Again, if we’re looking for stories that mimic humanity in the real world, we have to make room for nuance. Survivors of abuse can still perpetuate that cycle, and we can have empathy for what they’ve been through while also acknowledging that it isn’t okay for that trauma to continue manifesting in ways that harm others. Real people are not just “good” or “bad” and characters in our media should not be reduced to this either. 

Okay, but Cullen said he feels differently now, so clearly he’s changed, right?

Not exactly. He repeatedly expresses anti-mage sentiments during political discussions in DA:I, despite telling a romanced mage Inquisitor that he feels differently now. And even if he were not to express these sentiments, accountability is more than just words. We never see him apologize directly to anyone, nor do we see him use his position of power to criticize the Chantry and address abuses of power within the Templar ranks. 

I see, but is his bigotry truly based in hatred toward mages, or is it a manifestation of his fear of magic/demons?

That’s really for us to decide, because the writers don’t make it clear imo. Personally, I believe that his hatred toward mages has a lot to do with indoctrination and fear of magic instilled by the Chantry, as well as a conflation between magic and demons (also perpetuated by the Chantry). But as with bigotry in real life, the source of one’s bigotry doesn’t change the impact it has on those who are oppressed by it. 

This is really the Chantry’s fault then! They’ve taken advantage of someone who had good intentions. 

One could absolutely argue that Cullen became a Templar because he felt called to protect. I believe he did have good intentions, and the Chantry should most definitely be held responsible for the harm that they have perpetuated. However, that does not absolve Cullen of his own wrongdoings. He had a choice to make within that system, and we can acknowledge that it would have been a difficult choice - losing access to Lyrium, being scorned by his peers, losing access to a community and its resources etc - but we can’t sit here and act like he didn’t have one at all. The ethical choice is rarely a comfortable one. 

So, you’re saying that Cullen is irredeemable? 

Not at all. Cullen could have been a redeemable character, but his creators didn’t write him that way. There was space for a redemption arc in DA:I, but we didn’t truly get one. Instead we got a lot of vague platitudes and Cullen essentially saying, “let’s put the past behind us and forget everything I did, because I’m different now.” 

Aaaaaand this is what fanfic is for! If you want a real redemption arc for Cullen then write one. Center the people he has harmed, create a story where he makes tangible changes in his behavior, and let other characters be mad at him! A mage Inquisitor - especially one who lived in a Circle - would likely never have agreed to work with him so closely unless he made real efforts to change. 

#dragon age #DA:I #inquisition #cullen #cullen rutherford #anti-cullen #cullen hate #redemption #templar #mage #mage rebellion #abuse

[aesariwritessometimes]

BNHA 314, Lady Nagant and war crimes, the take of history nerd.

This text will contain a discussion of war crimes, human experimentation, and genocide. Please, if you find such topics uncomfortable and upsetting, don't read.

When I was twelve years old, I visited what remains of the Auschwitz-Birkenau death camp complexes in Oświecim, Poland. I heard about the utter torture people of various nations had to go through. I walked through the cells in which people were starved. I saw names long gone written upon the thousand of thousands of luggage left behind. I saw shoes, belonging to men, women, and children alike. I saw where those alive slept, the pits in which you wouldn't hold a dog, much less a human. I saw the walls against which people were slaughtered.

I looked at what remains of the endless list of names of people who died to the Third Reich's death machine.

Arbeit macht frei, says the slogan atop of the gates, Work sets you free.

Our guide told us the nazis used to smile and add, Durch Krematorium Nummer drei. Through the Crematorium Number three.

The Auschwitz Museum is not all of the testimony of the pain the people suffered under Nazi Germany, but it's the symbol. I can talk much more about it, about the horror of living in Nazi-occupied Poland, about the terror the Jews come through, about the evil residing in the hearts of men but I can never describe it all. You can't really describe the horror of those times.

During the Nuremberg Trial, the war criminals responsible for it all, one after another, claimed they did it all because they were told to.

This argument didn't hold.

In 1942 Erwin Rommel, the Desert Fox, was ordered to execute the war prisoners in Africa. Supposedly, he burned Hitler's orders. Nothing happened to him. He was never punished by the nazi regime for disobeying their leader.

Most of the war criminals on the Nuremberg Trial were sentenced to death. Society decided that the excuse of being ordered to do something meant nothing.

The year is 2021. The leaks of the BNHA 314 chapter are out. I feel... complicated.

I did it because I was ordered to.

It could mean nothing. Just coincidence, right?

But.

The name of the character who said it is mocking me. Lady Nagant is badass; she is the female villain character I was waiting for. She is powerful, she is interesting, she has such potential.

But.

Her name.

People pointed it up already. Rifle Mosin-Nagant, one most famously used by both Simo Häyhä, the White Death, and Lyudmila Pavlichenko, the Lady Death. It seems so badass and cool at the first glance but I always felt somewhat iffy about it. She is named after a weapon, and yes, a weapon is not responsible for committing the crimes, it's always the people.

But for me, this weapon screams the Soviet Union and they didn't use it only in wars. Soviets committed unspeakable crimes, the ones for which they were never punished. They slaughtered people, they starved people, they committed genocide. Soviet Regime was not better than the nazis.

Deportations. Massacres. Gulags. All of it is not as widely discussed but I always felt there was a good, macabre example of how cruel they could be.

There is a book in Polish I read for my literature classes, The Another World by Gustaw Herling-Grudzieński. It talks about the author's memories of living in a Soviet gulag, in starvation and cold, working in inhuman conditions. What heinous crime did he commit to ending up on the end of the world?

You see, Mr. Herling-Grudzieński was wearing the army's boots. And yeah, his name sounded somewhat German. That's all. Only those boots and last name for years of painful labor, starvation, and death.

Am reaching with all of it? Probably. But emotions are not logical. It feels wrong for me to call a character after a weapon that committed genocide but maybe it's just me. After all, I know I'm biased, I was listening to all those things since I was a little girl.

I just don't like the connotation of Lady Nagant's name and those words. Even more, because we see people threatening her while something like that never happened in reality. Are we supposed to feel sorry for her? Are we supposed to forgive her and Hawks?

And that, for me goes further: Are we supposed to forgive war criminals now because of orders? Is that what he is trying to say? What is your manga about now, Mr. Horikoshi?

Because I can't. I will not. Too many people suffered because of them. Too many people died.

My thinking does sound like reaching and overinterpretation, but then, I remember the last straw of it all, something I really can't forgive because of how malicious it felt.

When Ujiko's real name was revealed as Maruta Shiga in reference to the human experimentation on the Chinese civilian population by Imperial Division 731, I didn't understand what exactly it means. I don't speak Japanese. But then, oh, god, I learned.

Japanese war crimes, compared to those committed by nazis, are controversial topics. Most of them were swept under the rug by the politics of that time. I wish I could not judge those people for the choices they made. I wish I could say I'm not utterly disgusted by how the perpetrators of those crimes were never truly punished. I can't. Like said, I'm very biased about the subject, I feel strongly about all of it.

I'm not Chinese, though, I can't even imagine how they feel about all of it.

I never learned about what the Japanese did in school, I had to uncover the depravity of Imperial Japan myself. Is it wrong? Absolutely yes. Does the educational system suck? Yes. The thing is, people just try and try to keep those heinous crimes under this stupid rug and I'm ashamed of that, I'm ashamed of myself, and most of all, I'm ashamed of what Horikoshi did as a human being.

I learned that the only country in which nazi is treated as a hero in China. Why? Because even he was so disgusted by what the Japanese did. Because he actually tried to protect the Chinese people.

A nazi.

What does it say?

What did the Imperial Division 731 did, though? Human experimentation, as I mentioned earlier. They infected people with viruses, they tested flamethrowers and weapons on them, they poisoned people, they vivisected humans. They were not better than their western allies, nazis which people are so afraid to speak of.

What happened to them? They exchanged their freedom and lives for the results of their experiments. They were never punished.

I'm going to be cruel: Horikoshi and all of the Jump deserved the backlash they got, their apologies mean nothing. How the hell they let it through in the first place? How the fuck all those editors, all of the staff, saw it and nobody cared? Nobody thought oh, that's a bad idea, let's change it? If they didn't know, it doesn't help either! It only confirms the stereotype of Japanese people not knowing and not caring about the crimes they committed.

Hot take: In some way, calling him that is just as bad as if he was named after Mengele.

All of the people who suffered under the Japanese regime deserved better than being a footnote, a simple reference in Japanese manga of all things. Those were the people we are talking about, for fuck's sake, people who went through hell and never saw justice.

That's... my take on all of it.

All of my words are pretty emotional but the subject is very emotional; it's hard not to feel in such a way when you know what happened. The sheer lack of respect BNHA holds toward the people who suffered through those awful things is astounding.

I always had problems with BNHA, okay? I disagreed about a lot of things Horikoshi did, but I always kept quiet, not wanting to speak up because there were some things I loved.

But it makes me so angry, how the author does things like that. If they did it one time, it could be an accident. Two times would be dangerous. But three? Three creates a habit.

Please, stop that, Mr. Horikoshi.

Your manga is about heroes and their corrupted society. It's action shounen, not a dark story about the war which still haunts people. It's not about our rotten world and making all of those references is disrespectful toward the victims. Stop playing with history like that.

TLDR; Soviets bad. Nazis bad. Imperial Japan bad. Hori, stop this pls, and let me see Dabi already.

#bnha spoilers #bnha 314 #bnha critical #world war two #potentially triggering

[kitkatopinions]

Surprised Miles didn’t use Ironwood killing Jacque as a ‘positive’ thing about him. “See, he killed the evil abuser. He did one good thing before dying like a bitch himself.” God, if they try to underplay all the crap Jacque did to further vilify Ironwood in the commentary, I’m gonna lose it.

There’s already been plenty enough underplaying all the crap Jacques did, sometimes specifically to further villify Ironwood. Remember when Winter Schnee - the literal daughter of the man who had been profiting off of and furthering the abuse of the Mantle people and using terrible, anti Faunus business practices who had aided a murderous agent of Salem (that was the one who turned off the heating system,) in exchange for getting an illegal leg up in an election against the (iirc) Mantle citizen that had sworn to help them after Jacques had stopped SDC production ‘until he wins,’ thus launching more civil discourse - said that Ironwood had ‘squeezed Mantle until it broke?’ Whether or not people consider Ironwood prioritizing launching Amity over fixing the wall in Mantle to be the wrong choice, pinning the entirety of the state of Mantle on Ironwood is absolutely stupid. And Winter of all people being the one to pin it on him was even worse. Winter 100% supported Ironwood until he started talking about bombing and torturing people and knew more than anyone about A. Salem and her agents like Watts, Tyrian, and Cinder. B. Jacques and his misuse of the system and influence over the rest of Atlas through the SDC being the biggest mega corporation in the whole of the world. And C. the systemic and long established systems of classism and anti faunus prejudice that her family has been perpetrating and participating in that put Mantle and the Crater in the places they were in in the first place.

I wouldn’t be surprised if they did soften Jacques even more now that he’s dead, and make him seem like less of a problem and more of a comical nuisance, which they’ve already started doing.

Jacques could have probably fed, housed, and clothed both Mantle and the Crater with his wealth. He could’ve given his resources up easily to fix the wall and further Ironwood’s project. He could’ve done any number of things with his obscene wealth rather than continuing to cause major problems. Arguably, Jacques was responsible for much of the state of Mantle. Jacques was a mega-corporation owning, anti faunus, abusive billionaire driven by greed, arrogance, selfishness, carelessness, and prejudice, who was trying to illegally steal an election and willingly letting evil murderers exploit and endanger the working, lower class, systemically oppressed people just like he’d been doing for years. And instead of treating that like a significant, real, personal threat, CRWBY decided to use his daughter to tell the audience that Ironwood was the big bad who was responsible for the state of Mantle. I’d call this an iffy choice, but that’s being incredibly generous. Fuck Jacques Schnee.

#rwde #rwby hate #rwby bashing #anti rwby #anti crwby #pro Ironwood #ironwood defense

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

What would you say that the best response is to that classic, garbage ‘Not All X’ arguments that ALL religious peoples make at some point when talking about all of the horrific, terrible shit that several groups/members of their own religions regularly do and/or have done in the past?

I would say that’s great that these good people denounce and reject the actions of the terrible people, that they stand in opposition to those actions. We don’t blame them for the actions of the terrible people. We don’t hate them as a result of it. We don’t make sweeping “all X” statements against those people. We accept that they are as appalled by it as we are.

But we can hate the shared ideology that justified the terrible shit in the first place. We can notice that the terrible people can cite chapter and verse of the shared doctrine, the shared belief system, and that they were clear and certain what they should do, and why. We can notice when the good people choose to ignore that same doctrine, or parts of it, in order to be those good people. We can criticize and despise ideas that can be used in this way, that either overtly endorse it or are opaque enough that someone could get the “wrong” idea. We can oppose ideologies in whose name this terrible shit is done. We can reject attempts at “No True Scotsman”, or “X is just about Y” when there’s a direct line from it to the terrible shit of A, B, C and D.

Whether religious or social-cum-political movements. And we can do this consistently across the spectrum without guilt. We can criticize violence, double standards, discrimination, sophistry, subjective reality and denial of science no matter what the ideology might be, and resist demands for an exemption.

We don’t blame people for things they didn’t do. We don’t hate or punish people for things they had no part in. That would be the same thing as Original Sin. We reject gods who cast us with inherited blame and guilt, and offer redemption for crimes we never committed as unjust, immoral and deranged. We demand to be judged by humanity as individuals, based on what we’ve actually done - good or terrible - and our Liberal justice systems are set up in support of this principle. We expect to be judged on the facts, and given the benefit of the doubt. Even if this doesn’t result in a perfect or preferred outcome.

But what we can do is hold individuals responsible for their continued affiliation with ideologies that are used to perpetrate the terrible shit. We can notice that they’ve made the choice that “yes, I still want to be a part of this.” We can also expect them to take action, however local, in what ever means is available to them, to advocate for the terrible shit to not happen again. To push for reforms, changes in policy, whatever it might be. We can find it unreasonable that they throw out a No True Scotsman or a “that’s not X” and move on with their day, and notice they act all shocked and surprised if it happens again. And we can expect them to re-evaluate their continued affiliation if those reforms or changes or clarifications are not forthcoming, and once again notice if they still continue that affiliation.

It is of course relevant that biological attributes in no way constitute an ideology and have no shared belief system. So profiling and hating an entire group of people who share an immutable biological characteristic with those who did something bad, even really bad, is just being a fucking bigot. Word games change none of that. And as much an immoral asshole as the demented god who (supposedly) uses the same justification to condemn everyone who is biologically homo sapiens. Doing so in the name of “justice” certainly voids such a claim, as this violates the key principles of how we expect to be judged ourselves.

You can accept the individual’s earnest reassurance that they don’t support or condone the terrible shit. But you’ve no obligation to afford the same privilege to the ideology or belief system that justified it, or in whose name it was perpetrated. And you’re entitled to ask the individual what they intend to do about their affiliation with it, and adjust your opinion of both accordingly.

#ask #ideology #violence #religious violence #belief systems #religion is a mental illness

[soysaucevictim]

“I started thinking about human nature...”

Summary: Janus thinks Remus started off on entirely the wrong right foot with him. This is how they became best friends since. (Sanders Sides, Gym Rat AU. One-shot. Ao3 link.)

Genres: Slice of Life, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Tragicomedy, Comedy-Drama, I Don’t Know Man

Characters: Janus and Remus centric. Roman supporting.

Relationships: Dukeceit (platonic), Creativitwins (familial), Pre-Roceit (ambiguous)

Warnings: Injuries/blood, Creativitwin angst, implicit queerphobia, implicit ableism, physical abuse, disownment, chronic illness (psoriasis), Enemies to Best Friends, Remus Being Remus, Remus Is a Little Shit, Trans Masc / Nonbinary Remus, Janus Is A Good Friend, Remus Is A Good Friend, 2e Remus (Twice Exceptional), Protective Roman, Roman Is A Good Brother, Roman Isn’t Having a Good Time, Tonal Whiplash (Seriously)

-

Janus knew Remus since they were in high school. On age difference, they easily might’ve just missed each other – 4 years. But Remus did jump a grade in elementary school, demonstrating a precocious knack for SOME arenas of academics.

He was clearly gifted, especially when it came to things of mechanical nature. But he was also just as clearly troubled. It was a crying shame that most people paid more attention to the latter part. Truly.

So they met, when Janus was a junior and Remus a freshman.

Janus was also partway into the school’s 3+3 DPT program, to speed the process up for him to get to be a physical therapist in a few years out of high school. He had his reasons for that, reasons he’d much rather disclose to very few people.

Other than the market demand, to be sure. It wasn’t because he cared about people, and he’d be obstinate about making that point clear.

-

Remus wasted no time to leave an impression on the student body, in the first month of the school year. Though, at the time, no one knew it was him.

Janus was minding his own business in chemistry class when the school’s sprinkler systems went off. But something was… wrong.

It – it smelled like AXE body spray. Janus thought it was mostly water that went through the pipes, but it was unmistakable and overwhelming. He was caught by surprise like everyone else was, but still attempted to play it cool as he shoved his belongings into the desk to try to salvage them from the deluge.

Mr. Sanders yelped, just as confused as everyone else in the room, “What in the name of-!? I-I guess it’s fire drill time. Let’s go, class. Quickly and calmly.”

-

It turned out the entire first floor of the building was set off and only that floor (this campus had two of them).

The entire floor, positively reeked of the stuff for days. No one was was able to figure out what miscreant was responsible for this. Janus would absolutely leisure in the chaos of the student body and staff smelling like they vaped canisters of body spray. But, you see, Janus’s skin took objection to the whole experience, rather quickly.

At the tail end of middle school, Janus developed a few rashes, probably from stress or perhaps as a result of a strep infection. Which he quickly learned from his family doctor to be psoriasis, which was just fantastic. So, the chemical assault aggravated the already flaring up patches on his face and hands. He could give less of a shit about what other students would say about his appearance, but holy hell did it ITCH.

He was determined to figure out who the hell was responsible, to give him a piece of his mind.

-

Things appeared to go without incident for sometime, nearly a month. Not without Janus warily scanning the classrooms and occasionally the rest of the campus for anyone that just set off any alarm bells.

He finally met eyes with him in the cafeteria. Well, he still didn’t know that at the time.

Just this kid who dressed like a hot mess and rather ambiguously gendered lounging in the corner picking their nose and looking like they were about to doze off. It was as if someone threw a punk, an emo, and a dragster in a blender. Hit frappe, topping it all off with toxic green and black coat of paint. They really stood out, yet no one dared to approached them.

Janus did read some big “FUCK OFF” energy from him. Still, he was curious, “Hey.”

This kid’s attention snapped up pretty quick, with an excessive amount of drama to it, “And who might yooou be?”

Janus decided to withhold his name, just in case, “Dee. You?”

The kid shrugged, boldly going the flirtatious route, “Whatever you want me to be.”

“… I’m not interested in that… right now. You new around here?”

“Maaaybe.”

Janus was sure it was a shot in the dark, but he was getting increasingly agitated with his face, “Were you here during the AXE incident recently?”

The kid perked up suspiciously, “Maybe I was. Maaaybe I wasn’t.”

Janus lightly rubbed the patch on his cheek before pinching his nose in exasperation, “Can you not with this evasive bullshit?”

“Oooh... feisty.”

Perhaps his patience was on the thin side, but Janus felt a building urge to slap this fool. He sighed, “Well. Let’s just say – urg-”

The itching was unbearable at this point and he started to furiously rub his offending hand through his gloves. The kid looked almost concerned, “Uh. You okay?”

Janus lied through his teeth, “I’m fine. But whoever was responsible for that body spray shit certainly won’t be…”

The kid started to crack. Torn between seeming to find pleasure in making Janus squirm and a glint of actual concern. This only made Janus more mad, if he was perfectly honest. Janus just snipped out, “I don’t know what your angle is here, but I will figure it out.”

The kid seemed insulted, placing a hand on their chest, “I have no idea what the fuck your problem is, man. You came to me with the 20 Questions!… heh.”

Janus groaned, unsure of where he should take this, his gut telling him he was looking at the perpetrator of his current bout of absolute suffering. He could only muster turning on his heels and give the kid the “I’m watching you” signal.

The kid just cackled uproariously as they parted ways.

-

Yeah, Janus was certain that kid was responsible. He just knew it.

The two of them shared a pre-calculus class and the kid was just… snoring at their desk, by the time it was almost up. Ms. Crofters didn’t appreciate the insubordination, “SANCHEZ.”

Everyone was already starting to file out of the room, since the bell rang. Morning classes were rough for everyone, but this kid looked exhausted, actually. No, Janus was determined not to pity them. Janus simply watched the exchange play out.

“Sanchez” smacked their lips blearily responding with, a simple “… what?”

The teacher sighed and softened, “You really need to take this more seriously, I know you have so much potential, to be a freshman placed in this class. You just need to-”

They grumbled and rolled their eyes, “Whatever.”

The teacher remained seated, decided she was going nowhere and started to grade some papers in the break in between classes. Sanchez took the cue to stand up with their things and leave. Not before Janus was noticed for staring at the whole situation. Sanchez was surprisingly icy, “You got a problem with me, too?”

“Plead the fifth.”

Janus was now intrigued, sensing they might be a lot sharper than they seemed. Hints at them being more capable of pulling off tampering with the sprinkler system in such a noxious fashion.

-

Janus confronted them in the hallway, fiddling through their locker, “Don’t lie to me, Sanchez.”

Sanchez rolled their eyes, still playing coy, “Whatever do you mean, Dee?”

“I KNOW you fucking did it.”

“Did what?”

“I don’t know, not the surprise assault on the senses, weeks into the year!?”

“… your rash is looking pretty angry.”

“NAH. YOU THINK SO?!”

Sanchez finally began to placate a little, “Okay, I’m… I’m sorry.”

Janus was taken aback, not expecting the apology so easily, “What was that?”

“Hahaha… a few other kids wound up in the hospital thanks to that stunt I pulled. Asthma and shit like that. Almost got in a little bit of hot water.”

Staff still refused to state who perpetrated the mess, maybe this kid was far more brilliant than Janus could imagine.

“I didn’t take you for the kind of person who would give a damn about that sort of stuff.”

Sanchez simply shrugged in response.

Janus found himself staring into Sanchez’s locker, at random parts of electronics and diagrams haphazardly piled into it. “… what’s in there?”

“I dunno. Projects?”

“How helpfully vague.”

“Look, I just like keeping my hands busy, you know, fuck around and find out.”, Sanchez snorted at their own choice of words.

“Why… why did you put AXE in the system, in the first place?”

Sanchez threw up their arms and just said, “I dunno. One moment, it just started off as a ‘you know what would be fucking hilarious’ thought and the next I was going at the preaction sprinkler valve with a wrench, a bunch of cans of Provoke, and a soldering iron.”

“Aaand no part of you went, ‘why don’t we sleep on it’?”

“SLEEP!? Sleep is for the weak, amigo.”

Janus gave them a withering glare, personally greatly appreciating a good snooze himself, “I guess impulse control really isn’t your forte?”

They were overly chipper, “NOPE.”

For some reason, Janus couldn’t stay mad at this point. There was just something strangely endearing about them.

-

The two of them wound up hanging out together more.

Up until that point, Janus just migrated from friend group to friend group, making himself kind of a chameleon to any ne’er-do-wells who might’ve wanted to get a rise out of him. He was good at not taking shit from people and he was usually left alone for it.

Sanchez eventually told Janus that he wanted to be called Remus. That he was actually a guy… mostly. Sort of. Good enough, as far as Janus was concerned.

Janus returned the favor of trust, telling him his actual name. Still choosing not to explain anything, but glad that Remus didn’t make any potshots about how it sounded. Remus was fast warming up to him.

Mutually, they surprised each other about their own predilections for anarchy, and they really hit things off in that department. Janus just had two stipulations: not being the collateral damage again… and maybe Remus should show a little more concern for his own well-being and safety.

(To this day, Janus wasn’t particular successful about the latter part.)

-

One of the next most notable/notorious stunts perpetrated by Remus, neared the end of his freshman year.

A voice blared into the intercom system, ran through some distortion filters to make it less obvious to most people. Several octaves lower and static-y, “Goood morning, bitches, bastards, and everyone else! Thank you for listening to KRAX radio! I’m your host for today, The Duke of Butts himself. Ready for some garbage?! No?! Well, too bad!”

Janus, was split between cracking up and pretending to be just as alarmed as everyone else.

An obnoxious record scratch was heard through the building before an unholy remix of the likes of “Never Gonna Give You Up”, “All-Star”, and “Gangnam Style” started playing. It was the most beautiful and awful thing Janus had ever heard, it brought a tear to his eyes.

His fellow students eventually broke down laughing – in fact several neighboring classrooms worth were cheering and booing.

The teacher was far less amused, angrily dialing for the school administrators probably to report his disdain. It was in vain, since he was drowned out by the classroom and the broadcast.

Silence on the intercom.

The students went “awww” about it.

The teacher tried again, getting though, “You heard that right!? Yeah. Okay. Make sure to catch whosoever responsible for whatever the hell tomfoolery that was!”

Things seemed to quieted down.

That is until the first lunch period, “Goood afternoon, it’s me again! Bet y’all missed me! Huh!? Anyways, time for another plate full of Shitcago.”

Janus snorted as the scratch sample lead into yet another audible travesty. “Sandstorm”, “Shooting Stars”… and “Peanut Butter Jelly Time”.

There was a lot of gasping in awe at the shear audacity, Janus felt a sense of pride. Remus outdid himself, this time.

By then everyone was wondering when this entertainer would show up again.

A few minutes before school was to be dismissed, there was one final broadcast, “Goood evening, fuckers! Have a parting gift from me, before y’all head off to the shitty places you call home!”

Janus winced at the concerning subtext.

Next, Remus outright said, “Record Scratch!?”, for the segue. And what played next… was just “Chemical Bomb” by the Aquabats. Not quite the same level of aural hell as the previous sets… but that did get the school staff REALLY squirrely.

-

Remus didn’t actually talk much about his home life.

Janus came to learn that he had a brother and that his parents just weren’t in the picture anymore. Beyond that?

Whenever Janus gently prodded that hornet’s nest, Remus deflected constantly. Janus desisted after awhile, growing to respect this quirky kid’s boundaries. But that didn’t stop Janus from speculating that something volatile was brewing, Remus getting more and more agitated.

That didn’t stop the two of them from occasionally orchestrating some more dramatic pranks on the school over the next year. Janus helping him with being more discretionary. Remus also did well to shore up Janus’s own vaguely threatening reputation to the school.

(The fact he was going into the care industry, notwithstanding and completely irrelevant.)

It was a small miracle Remus managed to never get caught for his bigger stunts. But he did get more and more disciplinary action against him as Remus cared less and less about this school.

-

Janus was on track and since graduated with surprisingly little incident. Swearing Remus would see him out with a bang, at this point. Janus went straight to a local college, him coming by a family inheritance was a real boon for him to focus on himself.

But, they still kept in touch. Halfway into Remus’s senior year, Remus started a worrisome text conversation with him.

“Hey, can I stay at your place tonight?”

“Sure? Something happen?”

“Uh. I may’ve fucked up. Badly.”

“Listening.”

“I’d rather talk about it in person.”

“Ok? Need ride?”

“I maaay already be halfway to your place. Also, I’m taking my brother over...”

“Pls don’t tell me you’re txting while you drive. Wait – brother?”

A pause, Janus almost imagined Remus sighing, “… I’ll explain later.”

-

Remus arrived at Janus’s doorstep looking like even more of a mess than usual.

There was a bright red hand print on Remus’s face, and clear evidence that he had been crying heavily. The makeup he usually wore washed down his cheeks. Which felt like a twist of a knife in Janus’s chest, this was the opposite of the unflappable goblin of a friend he grew accustomed to.

Remus only mentioned his brother in passing a few times. Part of the whole “I refuse to talk about my family” thing. But Janus was observant enough to note that there was a ghost of a smile whenever he talked about Roman, more than anyone else.

Janus had missed the chance to really get to see him thanks to their age difference and the fact Roman barely kept up with his age grade (compared to Remus). He wasn’t informed why.

Roman was certainly in worse shape, physically. Remus had him to his side, arm over the shoulder for support. Roman’s nose and mouth dribbled with blood, he had a black eye showing, and the arm that wasn’t around Remus hung limply. Roman was woozy, but noticed he was getting stared at, “You just… going to... let me bleed all over your porch or-?”

Asking why the hell these two weren’t in the hospital was a foregone conclusion, so Janus ushered them in.

-

When they all filed into Janus’s living room. One thing was becoming clear. Roman’s arm was wrenched out of socket and Janus bit his lips, “I’m pretty sure that needs a closed reduction. But, I’ve only really done one of those yet, in my training. That is, if nothing is actually broken.”

Remus’s eyes were blown wide, “Well?”

Janus inhaled sharply through his teeth, “It’s not like this is totally a proper a clinic… I can’t exactly give him much to make putting his arm back in socket… Bearable.”

Roman looked like he couldn’t focus on anything other than all the pain, and stayed quiet.

Janus knew he was being unusually pensive, but now’s not the time to unpack that, “Can I see that arm? Just. Just so I have a better idea of what to do about it?”

Roman simply grunted and nodded.

Janus sidled next to him and looked at the injury and gently prodded the area to get a better physical sense of what was wrong here. He didn’t exactly have imaging to go off of, nor a licensed care team, or really anything. This was… so messed up.

Roman winced a little as Janus touched some bruises and aggravated nerves, but let him continue to attend it. Janus, while looking at it still, gulped and asked them, “Um… care to tell me what the hell happened?”

Roman just looked down, unable to talk. Remus started stammering, “T-tío Esteban. Found out about everything and lost his patience with-”

Janus unfortunately couldn’t fully unpack what Remus meant there, he had a few ideas, but still grimaced. That said, Janus’s memory from training was getting jogged, looking at his brother. “Roman, was it? Let’s check to see how much your arm is working now? Get a better sense of the damage here…”

Janus ran through the actions to test how good his nerves and blood supply were, thankfully Roman was remaining conscious and showing some hopeful signs. Janus then left and did as he said, “I’m going to grab a sling, before we do anything else…”

When he came back, “Care to lie on your belly with your left arm hanging off the couch? I’m – I’m only going to try this once. Because I don’t have shit like lidocaine to give you. If it’s not going to work, I don’t want to-”

The brothers sighed, as if they both knew and dreaded what Janus meant. Roman flopped into position on the couch, without another word. Except for some short gasps of pain, probably brushing bruises Janus couldn’t see and aggravating the offending shoulder.

Remus was uncharacteristically timid, glancing at Roman and then at Janus, “He-he stood up for me. The dumb ass. He-he didn’t need to out himself too and-”

Roman hushed Remus.

Janus nodded as he started manipulating Roman’s shoulder blade in a subtle and gentle fashion. This seemed to surprise Roman, “This… isn’t anything like the movies, huh?”

“Well, there are more… forceful techniques. But I’d rather not resort to that.”

Roman mumbled, “… sorry to burden you.”

Janus just sighed, not wanting to address what was buried in that statement either.

Soon enough, Roman sighed in relief once Janus put his shoulder back in place and put that sling on him. Janus did stress he should still get that looked at, totally uncharacteristically prepared to open his wallet for the costs, if need be.

-

For the longest time, it was a shame that Roman didn’t remember very much of what happened, that night. Maybe it was too much trauma for him to access, maybe Roman just wanted to distance himself from it, but Janus wasn’t going to be that kind of “doctor”. When they later rediscovered each other in the gym, years later, it was like they were simply acquaintances. Which hurt… a little.

But Remus certainly remembered. And reminded him how grateful he was, fairly often.

It equally hurt seeing Remus being so hesitant, “Can you… can you help us… you know? He doesn’t want us back home, after-”

“Not even a question, dear.”

#spilled musing #sanders sides #janus sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #gymrat au #(okay... time to refocus on the iZ!AU~) #(despite remus winding up in adv placement courses... he's still an understimulated underacheiver by conventional measures) #(/unconventionally/ extra af tho)

[leahazel]

More about my morally-grey heroines and their messed-up relationships

I wanted to elaborate on this post I wrote about D&F and BFS, but it turns out that adding readmore links to reblogs is a PITA, and I just now that this is gonna turn into a fucking novelette. 

So here we go.

Time to go into some detail about this!

Let’s define our terms:

“Decline and Fall” is my 120K+ series of loosely chronological, interconnected short fics, set in a tiny fandom for a visual novel that’s been in alpha development since 2015. For the record, the word count disincludes unfinished drafts, and stories that I’m holding back because they’re based on canon spoilers.

“Blood from Stone“ is my 100K unfinished Skyrim WIP, which began as a response to a kink meme prompt, and is not so much a rarepair as a non-existent one.

Both of these stories centrally feature young female protagonists and their sexual relationship with a much older man. Both heroines are... “grey” to say the least.

Let’s compare our fandoms, shall we?

Skyrim is a juggernaut fandom for a super-popular RPG which is part of a 30-yo franchise. The setting is moderately dark and casually sprinkled with murder cults, cannibalism, secret police death squads, and the prison industrial complex. The player character can be a thief and a murderer and everyone just learns to be okay with it because the only alternative is a fiery apocalypse. They also rob graves for the lulz.

Seven Kingdoms: The Princess Problem is a pinkie-toe-sized fandom for a hybrid RPG and dating sim where attractive young people flirt and date for the purpose of brokering world peace. The setting is one where you can actually broker world peace effectively. The player character can perpetrate a fair amount of proxy violence, but maintaining a good reputation dishonestly is legitimately difficult.

Now, let’s compare our heroines:

Corinne is a 24-year-old bounty hunter who became a folk hero, a soldier, and a cult assassin. She’s living alone and working for a living since she was 18. She’s never been in love, but she’s had multiple sexual and romantic relationships in the past. I deliberately wrote her as being very sexually confident and self-assured. She also has combat training, magical training, her special Dragonborn powers, and an incalculable amount of social clout. By every metric, she’s a powerful character. Though she can talk her way out of a tight spot (all my favorite characters can), she can also fight her way out.

Verity is (at the beginning of D&F) not yet 18 years old. She’s a princess from a very conservative kingdom who was raised to become a barter bride in a diplomatic marriage. The values that were passed to her were duty, tradition, and absolute obedience. Her primary skills are social, charisma, eloquence, and persuasion. Then she was dropped into the deep water of a diplomatic summit and had the weight of future history put on her shoulders, without ever having been taught how to make her own decisions or live with her regret.

To sum up, we have one hyper-competent, confident, and independent badass, universally recognized as powerful and dangerous, and then we have someone who’s basically a deconstruction of a traditional fantasy princess.

Okay, what about the more specific setting within the game world?

BFS is set in Markarth, arguably the most corrupt city in Skyrim, and the site of a localized war, on top of the 2-3 other wars that Skyrim has going on. The city is controlled by the cartel-like Silver-Blood family, and their enemies are swiftly and brutally eliminated. The rule of law is a joke. When the player character arrives at Markarth, they witness a chain or murders and are drawn into a conspiracy that sees them sentenced to life in prison for a crime they didn’t commit. The ruling elite suppress the native underclass by a variety of inventive methods. The roads into the city are controlled by the remnants of a violent but failed uprising, and this uprising is actually the origin story of Skyrim’s entire civil war storyline.

D&F is set in Revaire, explicitly the most violently war-torn of the seven kingdoms. Once the epicenter of a conquering empire, it was a country full of arts and culture, until a bloody coup slaughtered the entire royal line and instituted a new and more brutal regime. The new regime is on shaky grounds and foresighted people predict its imminent fall to rebel forces. So much, so canon. In D&F, I made a point of developing the new royals and their small coterie of supporters, as well as illustrating their constant struggle to conceal how widely reviled they are by the populace, and most of the former nobility. Their apathy to the plight of the common people is underscored in contrast to Verity’s compassion, which is ridiculed as a sentimental feminine affectation.

I’m attracted to certain themes, as you might have noticed.

Now, we get to talk about love interests.

Thongvor Silver-Blood is rather anemically characterized in Skyrim’s canon, so much of the information that I include in BFS is inferred. From his limited number of dialogues in the game, we know that he’s politically ambitious, a Stormcloak supporter, easily angered, and that he has one legitimate friend in the city. Like most Skyrim characters of his age bracket, he served in the Great War. He’s defined by his relationship to his generational cohort. In BFS, he’s def8ined in contrast to his brother. Thonar is comfortable being thought of as a villain. Thongvor still needs to believe that he’s the good guy. And I’m gonna get more into that in later chapters, too.

As a love interest, he’s initially in awe of Corinne, and always genuinely adoring, but more than a little jealous and possessive. BFS is not a story about love redeeming bad men (don’t get me started), but Thongvor shows different sides of his personality to different people, and the side that Corinne gets to see is much nicer than what most people do.

Hyperion Asper is a character of my own devising, whose existence in 7KPP canon is purely implied. We know his children, Jarrod and Gisette, and we knew that he organized a coup to seize the throne. I posit him as a tyrant and unrepentant child-killer (not directly stated in D&F, at least not yet). He’s ruthless and manipulative and his sole purpose is maintaining a sense of personal power. I structured him as the bad example that Jarrod tries -- and fails -- to live up to.

As a love interest... look, he’s a man who’s cheating on his wife with his son’s wife. He seduces Verity and manipulates her, and takes a special delight in pushing her buttons. All his compliments to her are mean-spirited and back-handed. He’s also jealous and possessive... which is especially pathetic, since he’s jealous of his own son, whom Verity doesn’t even like. His rage is a constant implied undercurrent in the narrative.

And the relationship dynamics themselves?

Corinne kisses Thongvor, proposes marriage to him, and then sleeps with him before riding off into mortal danger. She’s fond and affectionate, but she shies away from intense emotions, whether negative or positive. Since they spend most of their time apart, their marriage has been defined by Thongvor yearning like a sailor’s wife, while Corinne ran around doing violence and crime. They only just had their first fight. It will change when they get to spend some more significant time together... but on the whole, their marriage is fairly happy, and the emotional dynamic favors Corinne -- so far. It’s not a pure gender reversal, but that element is definitely dominant.

Hyperion starts seducing Verity on their very first meeting, and relies on a combination of magnetic attraction and Verity’s inexperience in life to keep her coming back, against her better judgment. Their relationship is mutually defined by a combination of attraction and resentment of that attraction. The danger of the situation is an essential element, to the point where it’s hard to imagine their affair would survive without it. It’s a puzzle and a battle, a source of fascination but not of comfort. There’s lust involved, and curiosity, but not a shred of love or even like. The closest thing to genuine affection is when Verity briefly imagines that there could be a version of Hyperion she actually liked, cobbled from his various, hidden good qualities. Any trappings of a genuine relationship are deliberately discordant.

I have tried, more than once, to imagine an alternate universe in which these two could be happy. It can’t be done. they are a study in dysfunction.

So where’s the similarity, with all these differences outlined?

Corinne’s choice to marry into the Silver-Blood family makes her complicit in their rule of the Reach, corrupt and reactionary as it is. Her reluctance to accept being called by their name reflects a reluctance to confront unpleasant truths that’s fundamental to her character. Choosing to be one of them affects and will continue to affect how other people see her, mostly negatively, and mostly without her being aware of it. Being Thongvor’s wife has gained her enemies. The fact that she doesn’t share his more reactionary views is something that they’ve both chosen to elegantly ignore, but the rest of the world won’t be so generous.

Verity’s choice to marry into the Revaire royal family makes her complicit in their violence against the forces rebelling against them, albeit in a more subtle way. Her personal dislike of Jarrod and the fact that their marriage was purely political will not absolve her in anyone’s eyes. Neither will her compassionate and charitable character, which can only be seen as a fig leaf to the Revaire royals’ general brutality. She has lost at least one good friend -- who will never see her the same way, since she chose to throw her lot in with his enemies. She will go down in history as an Asper wife -- but if she’s lucky, not just as that.

Both Corinne and Verity choose to accept some of the violence of the system that they live under, in order to serve their own lofty, long-term goals. Both of them are more image-driven than they care to admit, and though they are genuinely caring and compassionate, they will readily sacrifice compassion in service on their goals. They are queens (or queen-like figures), one-degree-of-separation members of the ruling class, implicated but not directly in control.

And their relationships serve to highlight what they are willing to accept, even though it goes against their conscience.

Is there a conclusion to be drawn here?

Sort of. I want to write about power, compromise and complicity. For whatever reason, it turns out that yw/om relationships are... a really good vehicle for exploring that. I can’t really explain why that is, just yet. I just... have had these thoughts floating, unstructured, in my head for months on end. I needed to get them out on paper, and give them some semblance of order.

I don’t even know why anyone but me would read this, as long and meandering as it is. But having it accessible might be of use to me.

#blood from stone #decline and fall #train wreck verity #i don't know why anyone would read this #it's nearly 2k words #and it has no real conclusion #hazel's d&f/bfs meta spiel

[beameized]

Ang Huling El Bimbo the Musical: thoughts and feelings

[SPOILER ALERT]

Can I just say I love the subtleness of the musical and how it just tells its message through the storytelling???

It touches a whole lot on the Drug War that the current administration is waging against the poor Filipinos who are more victims than the main perpetrators themselves. The end of AHEB which only shows Joy's death and the subsequent lamentation of her family and old friends as the perpetrator who now holds a political position as a councilor goes scot-free is saddening but feels true with what happens in the Philippines. The people who are at the bottom chain are caught or killed while the ones running things get to sit in their high chair.

I also love how the other three main characters Eman, AJ and Hector represent the three divisions of the Filipino middle class and their actions towards the injustices and aggression Joy, who represents the poor and oppressed, faces tell a lot about their positions and views. When none of them could save Joy from being raped, their actions tell a lot about their position. Their positions in the future also dictates where they came from.

Emman who seems to be part of the lower middle class and is also an activist shouts the hospital, focusing more on comfort although might not do much is the kindest of the choices. Going to the hospital would be a direct action to help Joy who is in distraught atm cope. It's also important to see that although Eman got a government post like he dreamed (to change the system), it's the system that changed him instead. With someone from a poor background and no backing, he works hard everyday and is rarely home because he has to "prove" his worth. His career is banking on how hard he works and he forgets that the reason he dreamed of this in the first place was to help advocate for better change in the Philippines and take care of his family with his wife/sweetheart.

AJ who is at the very middle of the middle class chooses the police instead, relying more on the legal system that probably would seem like a fair judge ( probably to imply his trust on the system who perhaps would be fair to him but unjust to others) and his focus on the social aspect of it, aka how other people would perceive what happened. The middlest middle class whose position on the pyramid is dependent on how others perceive you hits too hard for AJ who becomes a successful businessman. He gets a wife, knowing full well that she would simply be a decoration for him to keep appearances, as he is in fact gay. AJ might know some people here and there but to primarily keep his connections, he has to look the part and in exchange for that, he hurts his wife and continues to hide who he truly is.

And God, Hector, this fucking bastard, I hate him but he represents the Upper Middle Class rhetoric so well. Hector tells everyone to keep quiet, to not do anything, overglorifying Joy's trauma and hardship as her being strong. And that speaks so much about how the upper middle class operates, how it's the upper middle class who rarely if ever listens, because although they might not be as powerful as the Filipino Oligarchs, they are pretty much the people living the "Fiipino Dream" and to keep their position, the upper middle class turns a blind eye to the suffering of the Filipino poor. Hector who had always lived comfortably chose to protect his own comfort even in the face of grave injustice. Hector makes it in life too. He's got the resources and the connections, just enough to get him a famous name as a tv director but being in the upper middle class means you still have to bow your head to those with power, to the great oligarchs who control how things go. You see Hector who is "a famous director", under the orders 'from above' has to make his series about ratings than the story itself. He has to accept people with connections into the movie because despite his position that many Filipinos dream about, he isn't exactly the omnipotent hand that can control everything.

God this musical feels so real. The characters too also just represent so much of the struggles of Filipinos, of the lapses in our society and how it continues to harm us and those around us. Please watch The Huling El Bimbo.

#tw:rape #ang huling el bimbo the musical #aheb #ang huling el bimbo #mei rambles

[khaleesiofalicante]

I feel rly rly rly bad for Celine cause she basically doomed herself with her choices and was abused, starved for love, and manipulated her WHOLE LIFE but at the same time I kinda dislike her cause she saw what was happening in the circle, didn’t like it, knew it was wrong, and didn’t do anything, on TOP of that, she was warned by Rosemary, and she had the opportunity to go to the Verlacs and end the whole circle thing and prevent more deaths. EVEN IF SHE DIDN’T DO THAT she could’ve LEFT (1/2)

Celine’s story is a really complicated and sad one.

Thank you for pointing out the fact that Céline is not only a victim but also an enabler and perpetrator of violence.

Regardless of what happened to her in the past, she did join the circle and she did hurt people. That’s the most hurtful thing about The Circle. There are no good people there. Even Luke or Michael or Jocelyn - they all did bad things for a considerable period of time of time even if they were good before or became good later.

But I do feel horrible for Céline because she was manipulated at every turn. Valentine know her weaknesses and emotionally manipulated her. When you are a victim of abuse and neglect, it becomes easier to fall into a circle of abuse and violence. (Please read about learned helplessness)

Sometimes you feel that this is all you will ever get despite being through shit so you stick to the same abusive shit you know because you find comfort and familiarity in the pain. I think Céline might have felt that way too. She might have believe that The Circle was it for her. It was explained in the very last line of the story where she says she made her choice even though it felt like she was choiceless.

I know she was only 17. But I know 17 year olds who are self aware and logical and have been through shit and would not make the decision Céline did. But this is merely a hypothetical thingy is say. We can say “I would have never done what Céline did” all we want but we can’t say for sure unless we are in her shoes.

While I do hold Céline accountable for her actions, It doesn’t meant that I don’t feel sorry for her (and Jace). She deserved better. She deserved a chance to live a life free of abuse. She should have been given that chance - but all she was offered was more abuse and opportunities to make her pain worse.

So while I partly blame Céline for her actions, I mostly blame the clave for their fucked up rigid system and allowing child soldiers. I blame her parents for not trying at least a little to be good parents. I blame everyone around Céline for failing to give a child the life she so very much deserved and had every right to live.

#and we are starting the day with celine feels #tw abuse #celine montclaire #gotsm #tsc