#because no one I know irl can provide me with the comfort I so desperately need | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dasha-aibo · 1 month

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if you dont enjoy living and have nothing to look forward to then what are you even doing with your life? you have some plans even if theyre stupid. everyone does. maybe youre worried youre overly ambitious but you cant do anything about that. i get feeling like its pointless to be open to other people when its guaranteed most people would find you being open to them irritating or upsetting. whats the point of being open though? most relationships have nothing to do with openess

even joy can be a false idol; the unhappiest people pursue joy and live the most unsatisfying lives. the happiest people are those who are contented by simple, shallow things such as extreme caffeine abuse, coworkers being willing to spend time around you at work, fantasizing about crushes, feeling proud of more successful family members. enjoying the warmth of the sun on your skin and scenic vistas. these become less satisfying as you age because stagnation is tiring

keep or start taking hrt and you will feel more comfortable as a person at least. know that while some people might not accept you because of your identity other people are rejected because they have sickness in their souls; because they are petty, depraved, hollow, joyless people. people see that their lives are pointless and understand that truth. yet even people who defy purpose can feel satisfied with their lives. you have a cute boyfriend. even if its tough to meet people, enjoy life.

i used to enjoy early morning walks as a child because i was a little hopeful, even though i knew i would probably ruin my life and other peoples lives. after wasting 5 years unemployed i ruined my life and other peoples lives and while i no longer appreciate beauty as deeply as i did when i was young i at least know that if i can provide for myself i wont have to care about my mistakes. but i am lucky to be unempathetic i guess

i feel like i have the potential to enjoy more things more deeply than i did when i was a child i just havent yet because i spend a lot of time being paranoid and dont see the value in most things. life is fairly meaningless and it can be difficult to enjoy meaningless things. drive down a scenic highway and you think how easily you can ruin your life by not sleeping enough and wrapping yourself around a lightpost.

alcohol similarly is enjoyable. gin isnt exactly sweet but it doesnt need to sweetened to be enjoyed. its just vodka distilled with spices but its aromatic or herbal or whatever. you can appreciate beauty in as many subtle or less subtle things that you enjoy and still never feel joy beyond simple contentedness. joy is an emotion that not everyone gets to experience as often as other people, but how important are our emotions truly?

if you were to die today then you would be dead today, what difference does it make compared to dying tomorrow or in 10 or in 50 years, really? so why rush to die? life is full of destinations we cant avoid, so why worry about dying or why worry about not being able to feel joy or why worry about struggling to connect with other people? whats important is whatever you decide is important and what isnt important is whatever you decide isnt.

more personal advice from me to you would be for you to try taking lithium or something. go to a psychiatrist and tell them you have anhedonia and you want to enjoy things slightly more or feel slightly more motivated and the antipsychotics or antidepressents they have might help.

even more personal advice; you are disappointed you cant connect with people as deeply irl as you can online. this is because people make fewer connections irl therefore they seem more valuable to us. so my advice would be to pursue both open online friendships and less open ones in real life unless the other person is being similarly open about themselves with you. real recognises real. or seek out people irl who are real ones.

like think about why people join cults. its because theyre deeply alone and are desperate not only for a sense of community but also for openness and connections with other people. this shit is extremely common and extremely normal. you are extremely normal for feeling the way that you do. very many people feel isolated, valueless and struggle to find beauty or enjoyment or satisfaction in their own lives. its common its like a part of life or societies or whatever its like natual

take a deep look at what you want out of living every day. if you can think of some things, pursue them. if you cant, ask why you keep going every day. even though you dont feel enjoyment and even though you feel deeply alone you still feel somewhat content about where you are or what you are doing with your life. your work isnt too hard on your body or your mind. your mental breaks are minor; a week without cleaning cleaned in an hour. frustration bleeding until only mild numbness remains

joy and love and passion arent necessary to have a bare minimum contentedness with being alive and living even if they can make it easier. they are also meaningless things themselves; their only value is what you ascribe to them. to feel joy you need to enjoy things, to feel love, love to be passionate, have passion. if you currently dont then you currently cant, simple as. it can be difficult to value things without objective value

imo the body or the mind subjectively values things. i valued the cute guy i worked with yet i didnt matter to him. i dont value certain family members who value or have their life revolve around or obsess over me to an extent due to perceived slights against them that may or may not be true. entirely arbitrary but again i cant bring myself to care; the body or mind values what it will.

people often feel guilt or feel disconnected from their community or family because they dont share values or ideals with them but guilt is also only an emotion. guilt is entirely arbitrary and is best ignored which can be easy when you barely feel other emotions as well. you can spend your entire life having the patience of an oak only to have joy sapped from you do to feelings of dissilusionment or whatever

i think the simplest thing is that if you feel disillusioned you dont have to settle for a negative mindset you can settle for the neutral mindset that has trapped you in a routine of wage slavery in exchange for assuanging guilt over owing society and family and whatever a debt of wasted time with hopes of forgetting guilt one day. guilt you remember yet ignore every day.

maybe im talking complete nonsense i dont know

my dad threatened to report me to missing persons for leaving the house (to go for a 10 km walk) as an adult. my sister defended him saying hes allowed to invade my privacy if hes worried. my sisters friend offhandidly said she feels like her family is invading her privacy in the same way without ever hearing what i said. my sister made the same excuse, being a flying monkey for her friends parents nosiness. i could wonder why my sister values being nosy so much but i dont have to

my sister doesnt value privacy because she is kind of dumb. im kind of dumb too. a lot of people are. i also dont hsve to wonder why peoples families are nosy. some people, even if they dont have negative intentions, dont have better things to do than cause problems for people who are currently dependent of them.

people everywhere are in similar situations and face similar issues caused by malevolent actions from people who arent malevolent and so on. theres a lot of pointless rot and you can either care about it or you can accept the way it is and try to either be more independent or condition yourself to feel more comfortable being deceitful. every difficulty has a solution. life has frustrating things.

whats most frustrating is that everything takes time and yet theres so little time and then you feel guilty for wasting time when you had more time available. yet youre thinking its a waste because you didnt do something you currently think will be meaningful yet in the future might feel is meaningless just like everything else in life. and so people who reach catharsis return to the hamster wheel of guilt until they achieve what never satisfies them truly

that is unless there are things which provide lasting satisfaction, in which case they should be sought out. which is why i think you should take hrt and try antipsychotics or antidepressents and see if they help. if they do they do if they dont they dont. also consider what you want to do and do it. and also accept that a lot of people may hate you, obsessing over other peoples opions is a massive time sink. not worth it at all

i dont have any better advice, so best of luck. ive read your blog for years and i respect you deeply

more specific advice is you can still feel content when experiencing things that used to bring you joy yet no longer do, at least

everyone thinks in retrospect they could have done things better and this is even worse when other people think in retrospect you could have and should have too. the past is firmly in the past and the future is loosely in the present. take guidance from the past, but anyone who says you should obsess over feelings of guilt likely has issues.

Thanks for all of that. It didn't improve my mood, but it did give me something to ponder on.

And also, no offense, but this is the closest approximation of a deep depressed lightly-inebirated conversation with an old friend you can possibly have through tumblr anon asks.

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wistfulwisp · 5 months

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Ezra

He/they

I'm not sure what my favorite animal is anymore? Anything that will love cuddling with me ig :3

My question for the 1 card reading:

I feel so, so lonely. So isolated amongst the people around me, irl. I feel unseen and unheard and like a phariah, sometimes. In my home, in communities I frequent.

I want friends again. I want people in my life whom I can trust and who want me there and care for me deeply. I want to feel seen and cared for and loved by people other than myself, who don't feel like they exist in my phone.

How do I find them? Or, how long will I need to wait before I find them? Or- what's a lesson I need to learn now before I can be ready for them?

Whichever question the deck wants to answer, I guess. I'm not quite sure what I want to ask first. I'm in a massive transitory period, it feels like. I feel desperate and antsy and deeply lonely. And I fell into the trap of putting all of my eggs in one basket again, and I just... I need to move forward, but I don't know what to do with all of this fear and pain. From feeling alone in the world.

So the first thing that I wanted to say is that I am just … very sorry that you feel so alone in the world right now. We’ve been mutuals and friends on Tumblr for a long time, or at least I consider you to be my friend, and I definitely empathize with your situation. I know exactly how it feels to Feel like, despite the world being such a largely populated place, that you are the only person in the entire world, and to feel as though if you were to stretch out your hands as far as they go in any direction, you would never hit anyone for a 5 mile radius. You know what I’m saying?

Anyways, I consider you to be my friend I care about you, and know that even though I am just a person talking to you through a screen that there’s someone out there that understands and that my DM‘s are always open and my ask box is always open and that you have a friend in me, and this is one of those moments where I don’t have much else to offer you, but I do hope that… that offers a little bit of comfort.

Secondly, I want to quickly mention that, despite me describing tarot to a lot of people as a “therapeutic tool“ that tarot is obviously not a replacement for therapy. I see this because tarot offers me a great opportunity to connect with you to connect with your feelings, and it offers you a great opportunity to see your emotions all laid out for you, but it cannot replace a professional opinion, or any sort of systematic and regulated help that you could get in situations like this. The reason I describe this a therapeutic tool is because I find the tarot has this stereotype of being a tool of clairvoyance, Which I do appreciate in media but I don’t often appreciate in reality because I don’t think that Tarot should be used to manipulate people into believing that you’re talking to the dead or that you can predict the future with 100% accuracy. What I love about tarot is the opportunities it creates to connect with people and connect with yourself, however let it be known that I’m not a therapist 😂 and I cannot provide any sort of regulated or professional comfort. However, I can pull a card for you and see what the cards have to say.

judgement: judgement first and foremost is a major arcana, meaning that it typically represents larger stages of life or problems that are at the forefront of your mind in the moment of getting this reading. Judgement can represent a few different things, the biggest thing being a calling to a higher purpose, or from a higher power. Whether that some sort of religious figure or whether that’s just your own intuition, judgement reminds you that we are constantly being called to serve a higher purpose. If you feel as though in your life right now, you are being called to do something drastic or being called to change paths and there is a belief within you that that change of course will make you happier, This is a sign to go for it. the other aspect of this card is your own judgement of the world, or the way in which you perceive the world around you or yourself. It’s a card of self-evaluation and of reflection. Judgement reminds us to have a clear yet critical vision of the way that the world is around us, and to acknowledge that the way in which we see the world is often not the way the world actually is, but that your perception of the world is the way the world is for you. It calls us to not be overly critical, but to also not be passive in allowing certain things to happen, and believing that we have no control over them. in terms of your questions specifically, I think this card calls you to take action, and to acknowledge that you do have control and power in this situation. it doesn’t really tell you how long you’ll have to wait to find a solution to your problems or how you will find a solution, but I think that it provides a good perspective to go into these problems with the lesson that the cards are trying to teach you: that the world is full of opportunities to be critical and opportunities to be analytical and opportunities to become closer to who you want to be, and that you have the power to get there. I hope that makes sense I know that that may be rather vague, but if you ever wanted another single card reading on this or a paid reading, I’d be happy to provide that for you. Or if you even just wanted someone to listen again, my DM’s are always open.

#k #elmosworld #tarot #and honestly I’d be happy to give you like #a three card reading on the house just bc #well you’re my friend on this hellsite and I get what you’re going through #dm me if you’re interested #if not that’s okay too #Ezra

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rogerina-deacon · 3 years

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Hey could you wright something about being Bens girlfriend and having ADHD? Like Ben just helping you with your nervous energy and restlessness it can be fluff or Smut what ever you want. Thanks love

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Fem!Reader

Request: “Hey could you wright something about being Bens girlfriend and having ADHD? Like Ben just helping you with your nervous energy and restlessness it can be fluff or Smut what ever you want. Thanks love”

Summary: Ben finds the perfect way to help you get out your nervous energy.

Warnings: Smut! Face riding and hair playing specifically, but it’s overall really sweet and passionate

Word Count: 1500

A/N: Hi everyone! This is the first piece I’ve written in over a year, so please let me know what you think! Also, if I tagged you and you’d rather not be included in the taglist from here on out, please send me a message and I’ll remove you, I completely understand as it’s been so long since I’ve posted and people’s interests often change! Thanks so much for reading if you do, and remember feedback is much appreciated!

“You feeling alright, love?”

Those soft words from your boyfriend mere feet away on a nearby living room chair took you out of your mind for the first time in a while. You and your partner Ben were spending the Sunday of your weekend off simply lazing around the apartment, him spending his time reading a book he recently picked up, and you not quite sure what to do, so you sat on the couch rewatching an old show as you mindlessly scrolled through various apps, needing desperately to be stimulated by different things all at once.

“What do you mean?” You asked, not quite sure what he noticed about you that you hadn’t.

“Your leg’s been bouncing a mile a minute, love” He said, lightly chuckling as he did, unsure if you’d even noticed you were doing. Which you had, kind of, though it wasn’t something you were doing consciously.

“Yeah, tends to happen, have you not noticed it before?” You questioned, as it was something that happened most of the time if you were sitting, and if you were standing it would change to fiddling with the hem of your shirt, or sleeves if they were long enough. He knew you got restless because of your ADHD, it wasn’t anything new in your life, or relationship for that matter as you two have been dating for nearly three years, and friends for years before that.

“Of course I have, it tends to happen more though when you’re having bad days or haven’t taken your meds. Have you?” He asked genuinely, knowing how difficult it can be to cope without them.

“No, the pharmacy was out when I went to refill the other day, should be in soon though.’ You said, leg’s bouncing more as your brain filtered out all the other stimuli you had going on to talk to him.

“Any way you’d like me to help, love?” He said, moving from his seat on the chair to sitting right next to you, one arm around your shoulder, his hand of the other softly caressing your thigh, still bouncing but less so once he started to sooth you. He softly placed a kiss on your cheek, resting his forehead on the side of your head, his breath softly hitting your face.

“No idea, but if you can think of anything, I’m all ears” You said, a bit shaky and shy. He’s always had the same effect on you, surprising given all the time you’ve known each other, but that’s the Ben Hardy charm you suppose.

“Well,” He started, his voice low and soft in your ear, “I do remember one thing that helped…” He trailed off.

“Yeah? And what was that?” You asked, though really, you had a good idea of what he had in mind, based on his voice and how he wouldn’t out right say it.

“I seem to remember the last time this happened, we found a way for you to stim that was enjoyable for the both of us.” He said softly, his head moving down to place soft kisses along your neck and shoulders.

“How about we get more comfy in our room, yeah?” He suggested, taking your hand and motioning his head to the bedroom you two shared down the hall. You nodded in agreement, and he stood before helping you up, only to pick you up bridal style and carry you there, the door already barely ajar so he just had to push his back against it before walking in sideways so you both could fit.

“I’ll never understand how you do that without a problem every time.” You stated as he laid you onto the bed, before putting on some romantic instrumental music, knowing you needed sound for this to truly be effective. He took his shirt off before joining you on the bed, where he helped you take off your pajama pants as you took off the shirt you were wearing, an old tee of his you had grabbed from the dresser the night before. As soon as that shirt was tossed to the floor, Ben began kissing all over your torso, his lips only leaving your body to say sweet nothings that mean everything. Your fingers tangled in his hair, needing something to do and that seeming like the perfect thing for it. His hands traveled all over your body, caressing and squeezing and just overall trying to show you he finds you perfect. As his hands moved along your body, so did his lips, slowly making their way to their end goal, his tongue gently licking between your folds as his hands settled around your thighs. He knew he had to properly warm you up before you took control in order for this to work, so he gently built up your desire for it, softly licking and swirling his tongue around your clit, flicking ever so softly left to right, all of his moves precisely calculated so you feel them, but just barely, not wanting to build up too fast. Your hands began twirling his hair even faster, so he could tell you were ready to start.

“You ready, love?” He asked, needing confirmation, which you quickly gave with a nod and a soft “yeah”, prompting him to turn and lay on his back, your body adjusting so he had the room to get comfortable before his hands rested on your thighs once more, signaling for you to climb on top of him, your wet pussy hovering over him as you leaned forward to hold the headboard for balance before you slowly lowered yourself onto his mouth, his lips and tongue instantly working you just how he knew you liked it. You soon began moving your hips to where it felt good, the movement relieving the nervous energy pent up in you as you slowly let go, the sounds of the music filling your brain as you bucked your hips back and forth, your hands soon tangling in his hair, not to pull or direct him, but simply to play with, the soft strands of hair twirling and tangling between your fingers, the texture helping you focus on the pleasure he was giving you, his mouth following your hips as they moved as you needed them to, his lips sucking and tongue flicking your clit in the patterns he’s learned you love, his tongue strength of doing this for so long for you showing as he just kept going and going, hardly needing breaks and having perfected managing to breath through his nose during this.

You were completely lost in this, pleasure coursing through you as you simply existed through this. He was helping you get overstimulated in the best way, the mix of the music and the way you moved your hips and played with his hair all while he went down on you, it helped tire you out better than imagined. You’d think your mind would wander too easily, but he provided just enough stimulation so that wasn’t a problem. So much so, in fact, you could feel your orgasm slowly building, the frantic movement of your hips and whimpers telling Ben he needed to keep that same rhythm, and he doesn’t disappoint. His hands grip tighter on your thighs, his tongue going harder but the same pace, pushing you over the edge as you unravel above him, your hands moving back from his hair to the headboard, gripping hard as you moaned and slowed your hips, everything having tired you out, your nervous energy now turned to post-orgasm bliss.

Ben slowly moved out from under you, kneeling up to help you lay down, his hands on your waist and thighs as he did so, knowing your thighs had to be sore after all of that, and your shallow, slow breathing an indicator that this worked. As you relaxed, he laid there next to you, arms around you as you came down, eyes closed with your head resting on his chest, an arm draped over his torso. Your hand drifted further down though, where just as suspected, you could feel his hard-on, though he quickly took your hand in his.

“Did you want any help with that, hon?” You asked, looking sweetly up at him with those eyes he never could resist.

“No, love, it’ll pass, I only did that for you and your pleasure.” He said with a chuckle, giving your hand a squeeze as he brushed his thumb along yours. “But if it doesn’t and you get your energy back up, we’ll see” He said sweetly, placing a delicate kiss on your forehead before taking your jaw in his hand, tilting it up ever so slightly before connecting his lips with yours.

“I love you, baby” You said once the kiss was done, it just feeling right to say.

“I love you too, sweetheart” He agreed, placing one last kiss on your forehead once more before settling into a post-sex nap with you.

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @thewinchesterchronicles @queen-irl-af @deacytits @the-holy-black-hole @radiobribri @deaky-deacy-denky @queenbbarnes @brianprobablywill @nyikondlovu @thatswhatiam-lovernotafighter @drowseoftaylor @johndeaconshands

BEN TAGLIST: @littleliv1

SMUT TAGLIST: @rogerfckintaylor

#borhap #borhap fic #ben hardy x reader smut #ben hardy x reader

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years

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Hello yes, could you elaborate on the Comte wedding event pleease. Crying and fangirling and dying are all acceptable. I missed it and I adore your rambles about Comte? Thank you either way.

!!! I’d be delighted to!! And awww, I’m so glad :D I love to write about him in any capacity, it makes me so happy to know people enjoy it when I do! Tysm for the full license to cry/fangirl/die because lbr it ain’t a Comte event if all three of those things don’t happen .Please don’t worry, I don’t mind talking abt it anyway! 💕💕💕

Okay my fellow Comte stans, you know the drill! I’ll be placing the details of the Wedding Story Event (jpn version) below the cut! Please don’t read if you want to wait for the official translation, and I hope you enjoy if you do take a peak! c:

AIGHT Y’ALL in fair Verona where we lay our scene-- This event begins on a lovely summer day with Comte and MC at a boutique picking out a wedding dress for their upcoming ceremony. As usual, she provides a bit of background as to how we got here. Comte doesn’t have a proposal event (as far as I know) like the other suitors because he actually proposes marriage in his MS. I won’t go too far into details just in case, but they essentially swear their love to each other in a church at night--just the two of them. (I’m not 100% sure, but I think this event takes place on the anniversary of the vow that they shared, what Comte called becoming “a vampire’s bride.” Yes it’s as hot as it sounds AND I LOVED IT). Now, despite their private promise to each other, Comte does specify that he fully intends to have a public wedding whenever she feels comfortable doing that. As such, this event is picking up from there.

With all the nitty gritty settled, it’s time to get to the fun bits. So Comte is weaving in and out of the dresses, trying to find the perfect one for his beloved. MC is equal parts exasperated but amused, and she notes that it reminds her so much of when she first debuted in high society (reference to the beginning of Comte’s MS). Back then, when she agreed to debut, he told her that he would immediately send word to his tailor to make the necessary preparations. It’s a kind of nostalgic moment; she remembers how thorough and excited he was (”I’ll be sure to show off your every charm”), and he’s effusing that energy in the boutique too. Eventually he settles on two of them and requests that they both be prepared, and MC sputters. She’s like Comte???? W H Y we only need one dress???? And he insists that, since it’s a special occasion, there’s no harm in it is there? He also goes on to say that it is in line with her culture’s tradition of “dyeing the bride in the husband’s colors.” MC shoots back that the tradition doesn’t entail several wedding dresses for the bride, but he pays the correction no mind. Y’all. I loved this part because it just emphasizes how much of a LIL SHIT he can be. Like he’s 100% harmless but I was like BOI IF U DON’T--I WILL KISS UR CUTE FACE. YOU STOP THAT.

I find it interesting especially because it remains in line with a trend about Comte that is so arresting for me, something that I find so endearing about him. I’ll note other places in the event I find it, but in this moment he is revealing something critical: for all of his capacity to play with the language and expectations that other people have/use, he only ever uses it for good. Here he’s purely being playful (with a stark note of respect and awareness); he has no intention of overwhelming her or undermining her cultural expectations of what a wedding means. Especially because MC, even in her monologue, isn’t truly upset--she honestly seems to find it adorable and funny more than anything. It’s also clear that Comte is working within her comfort zones. While he would buy the entire damn boutique if she let him, he settles on two because he knows it would stress her out otherwise (MC tends to be p pragmatic, not really about extravagance she is a mood).

And so they make their selection and exit the boutique, and they’re walking arm in arm back to the carriage. Comte laments narrowing it down to only two, but he’s happy they found something nice. MC thanks him for bringing her along, but he says it’s only natural--he wanted to pick out the dress the world would see together, he would never be happy with it otherwise. MC melts (WHO WOULDN’T) and says she’s really looking forward to wearing them, and he’s shook AF.

(OKAY BUT I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT THIS. DOES HE UNDERSTAND HOW TOUCHED I AM. DOES HE KNOW. His route hammers home this idea that for Comte, being with someone absolutely means being on the same page. It means being there for each other yes--but it also means making sure the other person feels wanted and included. He could have so easily just picked his favorite and been like “yeah this is what we’re going with.” But not only does he not do that, he refuses the very idea of a ceremony without it. He wants this to mean something for both of them, and he’s more than willing to put in the time and effort to ascertain that. I’M FUCKING TENDER OKAY. HE CARES SO MUCH AND I SOB)

He asks her if there’s anything else that she really, really wants for their wedding, and she thinks it through. It’ll be a reasonably sized wedding, with the men of the mansion in attendance and most of their closer high society friends. They’ve picked out a dress, the venue is set, the people closest to her will be there...she really can’t think of anything else? So she asks him if he has anything he really wants to do for the wedding, and he replies in the negative too, saying that “My only ideal wedding can be one in which I can see you at your most happy." ARE YOU KIDDING ME--Before MC can recover from that, he goes on: "Even now, I'm enjoying the preparations, and I want to do whatever I can for you." MC feels like she can never win against his sweet affection, so she nearly kills him with her answering line: "It’s more than enough. More than anything, being able to swear our love together again--to renew our vow--is the best part of it all." Comte is visibly shocked and is quiet for moment (MAN DOWN!!!!!!!!! VAMPIRE DOWN GET THE DEFIBRILATORS!!!!! LEONARDO PUT THAT LIGHTNING ROD AWAY I SWEAR TO GOD--) before he just replies with a “Is that so :>>>” And translating this nearly killed me [At the sight of his gentle smile, I smile back.] IM GOING TO SCREAM THEY ARE JUST SO TENDER IM SOFTE????????????

As they’re walking, Comte asks MC to tell him about weddings in her time. What were they like? He wants a reference point. She goes on to describe how ceremonies really range from formal to more informal affairs, and gets to a little custom that’s apparently held in Japan. When a groom intends to marry a bride, he will go to the bride’s family to ask for their approval. Comte visibly seems concerned about it, and I’m pretty sure he feels bad denying her that experience; not only did he propose to her without knowing any of that, her family isn’t within range to be able to honor it properly now. Even so, he keeps listening and comments now and again with a great deal of interest, paying close attention. He asks, what happens if the groom is rejected by the family? MC goes on to say that it’s a kind of test of perseverance: the groom is expected to ask/prove himself until he gets an answer in the affirmative. Internally, she notes that such a thing rarely ever happens irl--it’s mostly dramatized in movies and TV shows. She used to dream of how thrilling it might be to have someone do that for her, but it was mostly just a silly little fancy, nothing she was obsessed over. Comte, being a literal fucking legend, senses this emotional shift in milliseconds, and starts musing about something. When she tries to ask what’s up, he’s like not to worry leave everything to me.

PLEASE CUE THE CIRCUS MUSIC. BECAUSE THIS IS ABSOLUTELY GOING TO TURN INTO A CLOWN FEST.

So it cuts to them back home and Comte is asking Sebastian to give MC’s hand in marriage. Sebastian is utterly bEWILDERED and is like “I mean I understand I’m probably the closest relative she has right now but also WHAT!? YOU’RE MY BOSS/LORD I’M YOUR BUTLER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD”. Comte 100% is undaunted by this very normal reaction and insists that class/status has no place in matters like this, and Sebastian and MC are desperately trying to stop him from bowing his head/kneeling. MC notes she never expected him to take it to heart, tells him "Comte, you really don't have to go that far, it's a custom not a duty--" (IT’S SO FUCKING FUNNY????? YOU CAN FEEL THEIR MOUNTING CONCERN AND I CAN’T BELIEVE COMTE WAS STRAIGHT UP JUST “i am not above begging” AND THEY’RE LIKE YOU SHOULD BE YOU SHOULD BE ABOVE BEGGING)

The circus only escalates when Leo comes in LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF "damn...bahahahhahahaaaaa now THIS oughtta be good/interesting." MC (and I simultaneously) start yelling at him and he replies "What? Comte's already ready and willing, why stop him?" For whatever reason, this gives Comte an idea (NEVER A GOOD SIGN) and he’s like you know what? That’s actually perfect, get everybody in here I’m gonna ask them for permission too :D

Several things I want to say about this. 1. COMTE LITERALLY DOES NOT EVEN REACT TO LEO’S MOCKING HE JUST “omg ur face was useful for smth for once this gives me an idea” 2. META TIME. First and foremost, I seriously can’t deal. This man knows MC has nothing because of her traveling through time, no friends or family--he’s always so, so aware of what she’s sacrificing to be with him. It is never outside of his thinking. Not only does this decision solidify her presence as a member of their family (I’m just so UGLY SOBBING about the fact that he does not consider them all ANYTHING LESS--THEY ARE HIS CHIRREN AND HE LOVES THEM AND I’M SOFT) this is also such a brilliant, strategic move on his part. Not only is he doing this to fulfill her younger wishes of having someone be so confident in their love for her that they would insist on it in front of her family/loved ones--his doing this also solidifies her presence as his wife within the mansion from here on. There can be no mistake; this is an unquestionable statement as to how her identity has shifted in meaning, a powerful allusion to his possessive streak. (and WE LOVE THAT FOR US HELL YEAH)

Furthermore, I continue to be fascinated by the way he keeps subverting traditional or expected forms of supplication. While many could see this as a yielding of his pride (and in some ways he undeniably is) this choice to acknowledge her culture’s customs yields much more valuable dividends for him. 1. MC--notorious for never betraying the things she wants, having trouble asking for anything--is have her dreams fulfilled even if they were just silly little fantasies from when she was young. He’s actively making her happy, and he gets to openly gush about how much he loves her (FOR HIM THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF A WIN-WIN YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND--) 2. This is a way for him to make amends and do proper respect to the marriage customs of her place/time, and that’s infinitely important to him. He’s trying to set a precedent; that even if he ever does make a mistake or neglect something (even if accidental) he will do his utmost to make it right, pride and money be DAMNED.

While it can be argued that he’s just being silly and over-the-top, when you look closely this is 100% a clever, very mindful approach to their future. While it may partially have been executed on an emotional/excited whim, he is also claiming MC as his own in the most clear and respectful way possible. And tbh that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen

So, after Leo walks in on them everyone else starts filing in one at a time (OKAY YOU CAN’T CONVINCE ME THAT THEY WEREN’T ALL HUDDLED UP TO THE DOOR SQUIRMING TO HEAR WHAT WAS GOING ON AND AT SOME POINT LEO SAID “omfg i gotta see this dumbass bitch on his knees” AND BLEW THEIR COVER/MADE THEM EVEN MORE CURIOUS):

Jeanne: "It's so noisy in here."

Mozart: "What's going on?"

Comte: "Ah, excellent timing. I want to get permission from everyone."

Vincent: "?????? Did you do something wrong Comte?? What could you possibly need forgiveness for?"

Isaac: "A mistake made/wrongdoing by Comte?...Why am I dreading what it could be..."

Dazai: “Ah yes, yes I see, you are asking for a young lady's hand in marriage” (IM WHEEZING BC EVERYONE ELSE IS SO LOST AND HE'S JUST 100% ON THE BALL KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING ON THE NARRATIVE DISSONANCE IM CRYING)

Theo: Young lady??? The hell are you going on about

So things are getting increasingly chaotic and MC is just [jfc this is getting out of hand, Comte they don’t even know what you’re asking them to do]. She tries to explain but falters, and Comte puts an arm around her--signals that he’ll give them the context. So he tells them "You all know that our wedding day is approaching. As such, I'm asking you all for your approval in taking MC as my bride. No matter what happens, I promise to make her happy forever--for every moment, every second of our time together. Please, forgive my taking her" (WHEN I TELL YOU MY HEAD WAS IN MY HANDS IDK HOW MC DIDN’T DIE ON THE SPOT S I R. SIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) MC: [...Comte...My heart melts at his confession, at his earnest plea. It feels like every single iota of our feelings are infused in every word he speaks, teeming with the love shared between us in overwhelming measure.]

For a little while silence falls until Napoleon speaks up, and honestly? It was so sweet ;-; I tear up every single time: “Forgiven. You know how much I dislike formalities anyway. And besides, who could say no to le Comte?” MC notes that everyone murmurs in agreement and a kind of warmth settles in the room. Arthur notes that MC will be a Comtesse very soon and MC just. I’m going to be a WHAT now (”C-c-comtesse??”). And it’s so FUCKING FUNNY YOU CAN FEEL THE RED EYE EDIT MEME ON COMTE WHEN HE GOES “Oh? Is there anything wrong with that? Everybody said yes, after all :>” MC internally accuses them of ganging up on her, but reveals that more than anything she’s a little overwhelmed by the outpouring of love in the best way:

MC: [Overwhelmed with feeling; touched, a little shy, embarrassed, but also full of joy--my eyes burn at the edges with tears] “I'm glad everyone approves c:”

Comte: Agreed :> your country/homeland has a nice custom. A v important step to inviting my loved one into my life as my wife :>>>>

So it then cuts to them in Comte’s room after the circus and MC thanks him for the sweet confession in front of everyone, tells him how happy it made her. He insists that it was only natural he would, and that it isn’t even enough.

Comte: “I am the one...your life, your time as a human being; I'll be taking all of it from you.”

MC: [...Comte? He took my hand with a very serious expression]

Comte: "As I said before, I will make you a vampire someday."

MC: “Don't call it that--a price. I want to live with you too!”

MC notes that while she hasn’t made the leap yet, she knows she’ll be ready for it soon enough.

Comte: “Thank you. But the last thing I want is to take things from you, I want to do everything I can to make you happy, to make you smile. Whether that means weddings, requests--anything in my power.”

COMTE REALLY SAID "she is entrusting me with her future and that means I have the responsibility of not only ascertaining her happiness, but proving my unwavering devotion to it" AND IM HOLLERING????? LADIES GET YOU A FUCKING MANS. MC finally begins to understand this, and she’s like OMFG is that why you went off so hard this afternoon???? And Comte’s like :>>>> guilty as charged, though I think I'm also just still excited about the wedding too, haha! They hug it out (YESSSSSSS LET ME H O L D) and MC asks him again if there’s anything he wants for the wedding too. Aight y’all I would be irresponsible if I didn’t warn you beforehand, get fucking tissues. I’m still upset abt his answer and I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. He thinks about it for a bit, before kissing her forehead and saying “I suppose, can you pray for my happiness too? That's enough."

AIGHT IMMA GO BACK TO THE EVENT IN A SECOND BUT I GOTTA SAY. BITCH. BITCH ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????? COMTE THAT ISN’T OPTIONAL THAT’S A GOD DAMN PREREQUISITE?????????????????? OFC WE WISH FOR YOUR HAPPINESS WHAT THE FUCK??????????????? THE A U D A C I T Y. I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE INSULTED IN ALL MY LIFE. OKAY RANT OVER.

MC is surprised but naturally agrees to it, having wanted that for him even without prompting. She continues to think on it, insisting that she wants to do something for him too. An idea sparks but it only says that she made preparations without telling him anything for now, preparing a tangible sign of her love for the wedding.

The premium end begin here. She’s getting dressed for the wedding, and she’s--as usual--in awe of his perfect selection of accessories/jewelry to go with the gown. She’s about to put on her shoes when she notices something odd, and there’s a knock at the door. Comte enters to ask if she’s ready, and they both freeze and stare at each other. They both sheepishly admit to being completely taken with the sight of the other, and they laugh about it together. Comte tries to ask if she’s ready again, and she assures him that she is--just that she found something unexpected in her shoes.

He explains that the coin is an English six pence. Sebastian told him that they are no longer made in her time, and Comte explains he acquired it about three hundred years ago in England when he was living there (he says that he kept it back then because he liked the design on it). He explains that there is a tradition, that the English would put a six pence in a bride’s left shoe in the hopes of wishing her good fortune and prosperity in her oncoming union. MC has her understandable and customary (JESUS I FORGET HOW OLD THIS MAN IS SOMETIMES) and he places a hand over hers that’s holding the coin when she starts staring at it.

Comte: "Hey, MC....Time goes by, and various things will continue to change. Among them, it is only vampires who survive without dying or changing."

MC: "Comte..."

Comte: "I used to think that made it--made us--empty. But...I don't think that's the case anymore. I'm proud of being able to keep this undying, unchanging love for you."

[He put the coin back in my left shoe, and offered them to me--gentle as though they were made of glass(Cinderella's)]

MC spends this exchange on the verge of tears, but keeps it together for the wedding. It depicts their loved ones all around them as they walk down the aisle, and skips to the end of the ceremony. The priest tells Comte he may now kiss the bride (WHEN I WAS TRANSLATING IT SAID “KISS YOUR BUSINESS” AND WHEN I TELL YOU I WHEEZED), but just as he’s about to lift her veil--she stops him in his tracks. He’s confused, and says her name, but she reassures him that she just wants to offer him a wedding gift before he lifts it. Hidden in her bouquet are two pins that she had made, and she pins them to his jacket. They were made from preserved flowers, encased in metal to render them undying/everlasting.

MC: [Me too...I want to wish for your happiness...]

MC: “For you, things might feel fleeting--like they just pass you by, are lost before you can grasp them. But even so, my feelings won't change; just like this preserved/undying flower and the life of a vampire--dedicated to [Comte's real name] in everlasting love."

COMTE.EXE HAS CURRENTLY SHUTDOWN. REBOOTING.

MC notes that his eyes get misty and he leans his forehead against hers.

MC: [Comte's real name]?

Comte: .................I want to hug you as tight as I possibly can, but I'd hate to ruin the flowers/your gift to me

BITCH WHEN I TELL YOU I SOBBED. WHEN I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1. I CANT GET OVER THE FACT THAT HER GIFT IS NOT ONLY CANON BUT ITS LITERALLY ON HIS WEDDING SPRITE, HER LOVE IS A VISIBLE MANIFESTATION ON HIS PERSON ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2. THE FACT THAT SHE ONLY ADMITS TO BEING THE HAPPIEST SHE CAN BE WHEN SHE SEES HIM SO HAPPY TOO. THIS IS SO MUCH. SO M U C H

And so Comte lifts her veil and kisses her gently uwu cover ur eyes chirren, the hall erupts in raucous applause and the crowd starts congratulating them!! Comte then encourages everyone to have fun, and the reception takes on the vibe of a kind of social gathering. MC notes that he seems to prefer this level of interaction, just relaxed and everyone chill, and she turns to tell him that it seems like it’ll be fun! Before she can finish her sentence, he kisses her fiercely before leaning back with a sigh, "It's still not enough, but I'll save the rest for later tonight." BITCH!!?!?!??!??!? HOW THE FUCK CAN ANYONE FOCUS ON A STUPID PARTY WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT, HELLO???????MC notes: [Everyone from the mansion that saw the kiss made fun of me endlessly, and I hid my face in my bouquet] SAVE HER. Once again, it skips to the end of the reception and they’re now in Comte’s room. (I will blink twice if I think you need tissues BLINKS TWICE)

Comte: "Yup, perfect." [He places the flower pins I gave him next to THE hourglass in the room, looking pleased HNGNNGNGNNGGNGN MY EYE HOLES ARE SUFFERING

MC: "I'm glad you liked the gift c:"

Comte: "It is proof of your unchanging love, of course I cherish it :>"

She’s just so happy to see him so delighted with it. He asks how she liked the ceremony, and she gushes about how much she loved it. He hugs her (AWWWWWWWWWWWW) and then he notes that while it was fun to celebrate, all he wants now is time with his wife (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA). He starts kissing her like the world is ending, and she says she needs to get changed--but he doesn’t care, says she’s fine as she is and that he wants her right now.

Aight usually I don’t get into epilogue territory, but honestly, this shit was JUST too good. Now this man made of magic asks MC if she’s wearing her bridal garter (you know, the one that usually comes with the whole bride ensemble in Western tradition). And she’s like ???? Uh, yeah, of course? Why... He says that he saw something interesting at a friend’s wedding reception once upon a time, and explains that the garter is usually removed and thrown to the bachelors (analogous to the bride’s throwing her bouquet, and whoever catches it will be the next to get married). PLEASE NOTE HE IS KISSING HER FOR LIKE 90% OF THIS IT’S AMAZING

MC: "So it's like the bouquet toss?"

Comte: "Yes. Now then, how did he remove the garter...?”

HE DUCKS DOWN AND SHE’S LIKE COMTE!?!?

Comte: “...Ah yes, the groom removes it with his teeth >:D”

And so this man HAS THE TIME OF HIS LIFE tugging it down slowly under her dress, caressing her legs and loving every part of her. MC’s face is on fire, and she’s torn between being turned on and embarrassed. Eventually he reappears after teasing her MERCILESSLY and admits that he didn’t do it at the reception because he didn’t want anyone else to see her reaction. Blushing, shy, desirous--all of these feelings are his to keep and enjoy. (I!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!! HOW SUBTLY POSSESSIVE HE IS AAAAAAAAAA) MC notes internally that she feels the same way about him, how he only shows this intensely passionate side to her. Comte is uncharacteristically impatient and frenzied that night, and they both go at it.

It skips to midnight where the two are cuddling in the aftermath, just being cute and happy. Comte, the absolute MADLAD is already thinking about how to celebrate next year--and she just giggles at him (he’s a wackadoo but he’s her wackadoo LMFAO MOOD) and he laughs with her. They essentially swear to promise their love over and over in the future, and it just ends on that wholesome note :>>>

Also can I just. The fact that he lived for so long alone, but was always, always paying attention to all of these little things that are done with a person’s loved one ;-; that he would remember his friend doing that at his wedding and be like BROOOOO I WANNA DO THAT IF I EVER GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!! I just. It’s so heartbreaking and touching at the same time, I just want to hold him forever ;-; the fact that he doesn’t seem to worry as much about his own happiness, seems absolutely floored that MC would do anything in return. I JUST LOVE HIM WITH EVERYTHING INSIDE OF ME

THIS IS WHAT PEAK PERFORMANCE LOOKS LIKE

#asks #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp spoilers #ikevamp comte #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp wedding event #NOW I CAN REST IN PIECES O-<--<#today on: reasons why i would die for comte no.347 #will i ever stop? no #do i have a problem? probably #but i have a tumblr account and the ability to write and i am making that everyone else's problem fdkjlhgfdjkh #but i hope you enjoyed my rambles!!!#you're always welcome here friend! :D #tho yall story time #when he asked abt the garter i started SCREECHING bc i knew EXACTLY where it was going #in middle school i saw a guy do it once at a wedding but i didnt know what the sex^TM was so i didnt think anything of it #i was like haha weird wedding tradition go brrrr why is everyone whistling #and when i was reading i just immediately was sent back and i was like OMFG HE'S GONNA DO IT ISN'T HE THE WILD MAN #but honestly i cant get over how romantic comte is #he has no necessity to enact all these little rituals--i dont really know if he even believes in any kind of religion at all #(i dont think he does honestly but he never speaks to it directly)#but the thought of sharing that with her #of doing those things to make her happy and express his feelings #it makes me so very softe #i dont even believe in all of those wonderful things and yet he makes me want to humor that kind of belief #also idk why the cuts arent working properly on the tumbles i apologize in advance im trying to figure out why

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xiaosmoon · 3 years

Note

hi hi hello! the matchup event looks interesting hmm yes (´-`).｡o○

my pronouns are he / they, i primarily use he

i’m a sagittarius sun with a capricorn moon

i’m an enfp, 7w8 or the other way around if it makes it any better jajaja

i do love polearms! they’re so graceful, and in game i’m sure most of the polearm users have higher atk speed? i prioritise speed, dishing out dmg post-haste one second and being able to flit to the next place the other is very appealing. in light of what i’ve said, i’m never in one place. routine is prone to boring me, little binds me in one place for long. i prefer to be quick on my feet, freedom is something i must have at all times. if not and if pressured even in the slightest , i’ll forge my own through force ( and it’s very much an unfortunate fault irl Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑) commitment issues be damned )

i like patience and tolerance (to a fault) . playing along with my sense of humour gains my instant favour— gently verbal comfort regarding my temper, moods, lows promptly earns you my own loyalty and patience. once you have, it’s pretty much impossible to tire me out of you. it’s not something i readily give nor wholeheartedly. i make sure it’s the right one to attach to, first and foremost. it’s a lot harder for me to leave them, though i wouldn’t consider them a burden. true emotional bonds devoid of any low-key resentment are something i’d go through anything for.

compassion and sympathy are quick to draw me in. just,,, literal genuine concern for others are the only criteria on my interaction list.

emotional intuition. (ㆀ˘･з･˘) as proficient as i am in communicating with others regarding their feelings, i cannot for the life of me voice my feelings alone. dropping subtle hints in irrational hope of detection are the best i can do, really. i’m never outright about it because of multiple reasons, someone who can pick those hints can expect me to get attached really quick.

i dislike immaturity and cruelty. refusing to see reason and exhibiting demonstrations of inhumanity quickly lose my respect, my moral code is something i regard highly; breaching it is not something i tolerate. one who simply won’t stop to sympathise or what not is quick to be left behind.

i dislike possessiveness. i’m a free spirit, i choose my own binds. and even then, i detest giving up any sort of control. this, especially in the romantic field, is sure to harbour my hatred.

i dislike someone who is constantly in sour moods. i do understand that sadness , anger and what not are very much natural and healthy emotion, but too much of it/constantly is sure to weigh down on me, especially as i always make an effort to take on and solve others problems ( another fault. especially since i’m always doing it, even during my lows. ) , so you can imagine the mental toll.

ehh , i’m a pretty closed off individual during first encounters. i don’t go out of my way to talk to new faces, but i’ll make an effort to converse with acquaintances.

shame with friends though is haha what ha what funny words. i know nothing but i have an opinion on everything , so i can engage in conversations about anything relatively well. i highly prioritise quality time!!

i prefer to imbue most interactions with friends with humour, being able to entertain and amuse them swells my ego as big as diluc’s forehead <3 okay yeah i do kinda have a problem about being desperate for loved ones to like me back but i swear it’s not the only reason i have a fat ass and better opinions than everyone else 🙄 i suddenly have skin cancer why is calling yourself funny so hngnfnGwgrvv,2?;!2!&;&2

i’m pretty quick to be drained of my social energy, but i tend to have a habit of trying to maintain a humorous front for friends, which quickly builds up negative feelings. giving me a lot of space and the opportunity to reach out first is the best way for me to return my best self.

i have really low self esteem, it affects me daily. someone who provides verbal support and affirmation makes me !/!;!/!!4!29)86/)2?3,,5!hwbhgejf?2?(&2@. genuine compliments are the quickest way to ensure my brain runs like a drowned Dell laptop. other acts of assurance such as acts of service as appreciated, truly, but verbal affirmation goes far with me.

constantly providing emotional support to,, anyone really leaves me in a nihilistic state sometimes. unhealthy spirals and abandoned care is common when i’m drained.

i,, i’m more artistically inclined. drawing, painting, and writing are ones i favour the most. i don’t really have any other hobbies than the three, so in artblock i just. yeah. <3

i don’t have any concrete interests, they’re fleeting. if i do gain one, i pour in all the effort to understand and discover more knowledge regarding aforementioned fixation, only to drop it in two days. but if someone i love has any interests, i’m more than happy to converse on it.

my love languages are ( in order );

verbal affirmation, quality time and physical touch. this applies to both giving and receiving.

im usually composed in arguments, im not prone to yelling or losing patience. if i do, i quickly regain reason and i’m sure to apologise. overall, i just make sure it’s a calm discussion. though i do have to blow off steam later from all the pressure and tension hnnngn i need my time to sulk. while i do, i reflect on the rights and wrongs and who is due with an apology for what. im not afraid of thoroughly apologising, and i expect the other to atleast offer an “im sorry for (whatever reason)”.

i like impromptu dates to casual places!! the bookshop, the market, a hole-in-the-wall restaurant. they’re so much more exciting and intimate than reservations in a fancy restaurant, personally.

i’m bad at being low-key about gifts since i’m really monkey brain and can’t remember shit unless i write it down. i’d just outright ask what they want, and if they respond with a “surprise me” it’s frustrate me because i would’ve iF i’d known to with wHAT, that’s why i’m asking you now >:T . i’d brush it off quickly though, and i’ll probably just get them their favourite food.

i move around on the best. a lot. a lot. i’d probably sleep in a separate bed if i were to share housing with a lover because i physically am unable to not roll around. though, i wouldn’t object to cuddles. i prefer the big spoon position in the sweethearts cradle position, and nearly any other. being the small spoon triggers my claustrophobia.

i’m pretty spontaneous, i’m up for whatever bullshit one has, if not my own. i may be the underpaid therapist in the friend group but that doesn’t stop me from being an enabler for dumb stuff.

don’t like tickles. WILL cry like a bitchbaby if you do so without consent.

hmm what IS brevity, enigmatic concept. anyways i’m sorry if this is so long hnn i didn’t proofread either my bad 🐙

and i don’t mind who i’m matched up with, though i do favour the males!

anyways, have a good day <3

this was a toughy 😮‍💨

your vision & s/o would be...

kaeya

vision: anemo

for your first date, you guys would go to one of those places where you can paint

kaeya would choose to paint a mug with a bunch of fun shades of blue, claiming it'll look good on his desk

he ofc sucks at art, but admires the way you make it look so effortless

he sneaks your initials at the bottom of his mug

he would playfully smear paint on ur cheek which almost turns into a paint war, but you guys don't wanna get kicked out

as a couple, you guys would work quite well. very organized, loving, and great at time management

if you're ever in a bad mood, kaeya would buy you a new book to make you feel better! he would also tell you how well you're doing and how proud of you he is

claims to be a great cook and makes you meals frequently

overall, you guys would be an amazing couple. always having fun together!

#erismatchups

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adollarformythoughts-joemama · 3 years

Text

Welcome to the N.H.K.

exclusively anime review and strictly just my opinion

*clears throat*

I’m someone who’s never taken much of a liking towards ‘slice-of-life’ animes. I’ve intentionally overlooked them along with their, in my opinion, equally drab counterparts such as ‘coming-of-age’, romance and marvel films. Regardless, the genres do surprise me as well as most with the occasional spurts of good films/ animes/ series. Welcome to the N.H.K, I can gladly admit, is one of them.

*DISCLAIMER: CONTAINS SPOILERS. THOU HAST BEEN WARNED*

To recapitulate: Tatsuhiro Satou is a 22-year-old ‘hikikomori’ who has reclused himself from the outside world for nearly 4 years and who’s primary means of living is entirely satisfied by his parents. He meets Misaki Nakahara, who takes him up on a weird project to heal him of his condition. During the course of the story, he weaves himself into developing games with his neighbor and high-school junior, Kaoru Yamazaki, an actual suicide pact/ expedition with high-school senior, Hitomi Kashiwa, and a freaking pyramid-scheme aided by his high-school class leader, Megumi Kobayashi, along with other oddities. All the while, he blames his downfalls on a conspiracy, the idea of which was seeded into his head by Hitomi, the N.H.K.

And if I were to recap just the ‘essence’ of the long winding plot points of the anime, I would say “it is the most slice-of-life anime that has ever slice-of-life -ed.”

Welcome to the N.H.K is a depressing story of someone who has removed himself from the outside world and who struggles on a day-to-day basis to do anything at all other than being holed up and waste away. And this is exactly what the writing of his character portrays. With his nervous breakdowns in public, his blabbering when he does come in contact with someone else, his incessant lying to escape tedious situations, him alluding his shortcomings to the works of the N.H.K, everything depicts spot-on how a person like him would be in real-life. In fact, every character in this anime have been written with a level of accuracy and relevance to real-life individuals and not as exaggerated and unrealistic depictions. One of the scenes that I found impressive, in this regard, was when Satou pushes himself to find a job and repeats his introduction to himself countless times as he walks up to the job-offer. As someone who’s been an introvert most of my life, I can confirm that this ,in fact, couldn’t be more accurate to character. All this takes on an eerie note when you get to know that the author himself is a hikikomori.

Satou frequently recalls his high-school literature club where the only other member was Hitomi. From his flashbacks we understand that Satou was never as worse as he is now but has to some extent always been detached from the rest of his colleagues. Therefore, it isn’t too far-fetched as to how he ended up in this precarious situation, nor is it difficult to know why he alludes his misfortunes to the conspiracy of the N.H.K. He even occasionally regrets not taking things further with his senpai, Hitomi, thinking he wouldn’t have been stuck in this position if he did. Then comes along, Misaki Nakahara.

Misaki Nakahara, as we learn later on, is even more so dark than Satou is. At first, she comes off like a means of hope and redemption. This image of hers is strengthened as Satou, much like everyone else who watches this anime, relates her to an angel. An angel sent from God to rescue him from his affliction. A guardian angel, if you will. Her inconspicuous and shrouded ways of finding out and knowing everything about Satou justifies our stance. Even her character art comes off as this innocent, delicate, loving and kindred soul. However, this is not who Misaki is under her façade. She spies on Satou through the direct view from her own room and gathers his information from the landlord of his building who happens to be her uncle. All this she does just to convince herself that she’s not as helpless as she seems and that there is someone who is more worthless than she is. Her character is twisted in all sorts of ways. She blames herself for all the misfortunes she has imagined to have inflicted on those around her. She has no drive and no purpose. She’s just as Satou is- wasting away but in a rather move concealed and outwardly pleasant way. Her rather pointless counselling sessions for Satou sometimes reveals her own gnarled ideologies: being confident by believing that the other person is worse or in a lower position compared to you. Her relationship with the cat is yet another example of her ideologies: “As long as I give him what he wants, I’m sure he’ll remember me.”

The suicide pact scene. I bring this up to discuss the characteristics of the above mentioned two. While it was a truly interesting sequence with some dark humor behind it, it also made it clear how far gone both Satou and Misaki were. Satou throughout the anime, fights a dynamic where he’s comfortable and almost okay at some points, with his horrible condition, but also desperate at others to get out of it (which I can again attest to and say it’s quite accurate to when someone is in similar conditions IRL). His desperateness pushes him to be selfish at times, one of it being his ‘trip’ with Hitomi. In his head, Hitomi seeks solace in him and is on the verge of falling off the map (no pun intended) for a few days as is the norm. He takes the opportunity to accompany her on a trip which would eventually relieve him of his hikikomori condition. Whether or not his feelings for her are significant or true enough doesn’t seem to be his concern while choosing her as his ticket out. Cut to the scene where they stand on the cliff’s edge, ready to dive into their awaiting coffins. Satou finally understanding the awkward situation he’s in, doesn’t know how to back down. As the others, one by one, back out, realizing they would be leaving something behind, Satou realizes he has absolutely nothing to leave behind. His only ember of hope stands beside him, clutching his hand and brimming with certainty of dying. So, he would die too. But alas, my boy can’t catch a break! Hitomi’s boyfriend rides in and proposes, providing her with something (-one) she could call her own. Something that she could look forward too. Something that could brighten up her life. She decides not to jump and along with that the ember of hope to Satou is snuffed out. Now he really WANTS to jump. Here is where I turn to Misaki. Any ‘friend’ or ally in their right minds would call out the reasons as to why he shouldn’t end his life but continue to live. Now this isn’t what she does, is it readers? Ah, you’re right. The answer is no (I do apologize for having my little Dora the Explorer moment). She calls him out for what she sees him as- a worthless, up-to-no-good individual. His heart breaks even more, if it were even possible to in the first place. Here ends all the fluffy moments the two share. And that, rightfully so. Misaki doesn’t want Satou to die because she needs him in her own little selfish way, to live.

Hitomi Kashiwa, the depressed high school senior of Satou who turns to substance abuse to keep herself going. She is probably one of the best characters along with Satou and Misaki. Her conditions are not that bad compared to the latter. She seems to be doing well enough and even has a loving boyfriend. Sure, he’s often preoccupied with business matters and her own work atmosphere doesn’t seem like the best, but she is in a lot of ways more stable than the others. Nevertheless, she is probably on the best media portrayals of a depressed individual. Not just sad. Not just grieving. But in perpetual gloom. That, readers, is what depression is. Despite having a loving boyfriend, who she herself undeniably loves, she turns to Satou for a sense of comfort. An eerie, disturbing, transient and eventually unsettling comfort which would seem foreign and even stupid to someone unaccustomed to her condition. While she was never my favorite character and she isn’t really an interesting one either, she plays into the theme of the anime and is quite instrumental to it. Just like Satou’s neighbor, Kaoru Yamazaki. He provides Satou with some purpose, for a while, as well as companionship. He has his own set of battles to war in, into which I won’t go too much. Near the end of the anime, Yamazaki is forced to return home and manage the family ranch, giving up on his passion and dream of game designing as well as cutting off all connections with his love interest, who takes up a lot of his raw emotions during the course of the anime.

The final sequence is just…amazing. Everything Misaki could live for, she loses. Satou, having been cut off of all expenses, is practically forced by his primal instincts of survival, to look for a job and feed himself, much like Megumi’s brother (the gut-wrenching cry of pure pain he lets out as the gang leaves his place is similar to the cry of defeat Satou lets out on the cliff. The similarity is both sad and impressive). At this point, Misaki decides to end her life. Satou rushes to save her, owing to the love he has for her, despite the bitterness between the two. As Satou embraces the trembling Misaki, he tells her that the misfortunes she seems to be plagued with, are not her fault. She should live. She shouldn’t give up. If she must blame it on something, let her blame it on a conspiracy, the N.H.K for example. You can call it whatever you want. You can even call it God, he says. But she doesn’t need to blame herself and she doesn’t need to feel worthless. She isn’t. And here, he takes off running to the edge of the cliff, this time determined to jump. He shouts for her to live a long life, at least because of what he’s about to do. He breaks character. He stops being selfish. He’s ready to die a dramatic death if it means she would accept it and live. Of course, in the end both leave alive but also having died and reborn. The anime ends on a rather neutral and open-ending note. Satou is still an anxious outcast but he’s in a better place. He signs a (third) contract agreeing to the terms that both him and Misaki would help each other and keep each other going. This isn’t a happy ending. This is an ‘okay’ ending and that’s what makes it amazing.

Life is often filled with one bad experience after another. There are times we are able to pick ourselves up and keep going but there are times we fall down and seem to forget how to get back up. Most times we cruise through life having done nothing significant. Most times we feel worthless. Sometimes, we stay down and only seem to stay there. The weight of the world and the weight of the emptiness we feel, crushes us and squishes us into the recesses of the Earth. Sometimes we get tired and decide to give up. But that’s how life is. No matter how bad of a place you’re in, life has a weird way of actually getting better, a way of giving you some space to breath. No matter how bad life gets, you can always come back. You can always get a chance to smile. Satou and Misaki aren’t suddenly living in a fairy-tale, where it’s all glee and rainbows. They continue to live in their trying situations, but they aren’t as worse off. They get to live not just for the sake of living. Hitomi on the cliff earns something similar: a future that brings her happiness. Yamazaki finds the same in the ranch. He isn’t doing what he initially craved to do but he’s content and has someone equally content to share it with. His ending tells us that life has a strange sense of humor. We may never know where happiness may pop out off. Life does get better and is worth all the gold in this world and even more, to experience it.

“Welcome to the N.H.K is the most slice-of-life anime that has ever slice-of-life-ed.” You get it now? The OP is filled with abstract imagery, quite fitting to the anime itself. Satou, first painted as a normal guy, reveals a dejected, terrified person when the camera pans into his mind. Misaki, looking like an angel, reveals a sad, twisted person as the camera pans into hers. The opening song, if you notice, changes ever so slightly yet at the same time very significantly, throughout the anime. The trumpets in the first version fade away and a more opera-like music takes its place signaling to the change in tone of the story itself. Throughout the anime as well, the music is very appropriate, and the scenes are always tinged with a bit of dark humor. I wouldn’t be surprised to catch myself laughing at an otherwise pathetic scene. But that’s the anime for you. Sick but beautifully written.

Would I recommend this anime to others? I surely will. It’s beautiful, realistic and doesn’t glorify being an addict or an otaku as some other media do. Meme culture has normalized depressing tones and other media has romanticized the idea and planted misconceptions that these people would somehow, someway end up heroic. This anime testifies life for what it is.

It’s a light watch in terms of storyline but definitely an unsettling one in the one of the best and hopeful way possible.

My rating: 8/10.

Feel free to share your opinions and views down below.

#anime #anime review #review #japanase #welcome to the nhk #nhk ni youkoso #slice-of-life #slice of life #tatsuhiro satou #misaki nakahara #opinion #rating #tv #gonzo studio #animated #nhk #conspiracy

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my-darling-boy · 5 years

Text

I was supposed to post this on my birthday, but kept scrapping it cos I was nervous, so now I’m trying again and I’m not deleting this one :P So here it goes...

...I am a trans man. I’ve been on testosterone for 3 years.

I started HRT when I was 17 and changed over all my legal documents shortly after when I turned 18 and up until that point, it had been a very difficult road for me, namely with mental health. But since transitioning, it’s taken the weight of a lot of issues off my shoulders which had me stuck for years in a perpetually pessimistic and aggressive mindset. And now, well, I’m 21 and can safely say that old person is long gone!

I’ve always struggled to feel confident in myself, and I still do. Being proud of my homosexuality always came easy for me. Being trans however, wasn’t always so easy. But I was never inherently ashamed of it. In fact, when I came to the conclusion I was trans at 14, I felt happy. It was other people in my life who beat that excitement to the ground. My happiness quickly plummeted into a deep, suicidal depression. I lost all my friends. I was ostracised by what few allies I had. I was bullied and roped into believing so many lies about myself, objectified, sexualised, and made to feel nothing but ashamed and burdensome.

I can remember being cornered in a bathroom to prevent me from committing suicide at 15. I remember how my parents reacted, how my friends abandoned me, the bullying, and the endless nights of self harm and negativity. I was the ONLY out trans person in a school of over 2000 students, and was the only only trans person I knew for a long time.

And I know something that happened to me when I was very new to coming out tainted a lot of the good feelings I initially had about myself. I had been telling a trusted friend of mine how I didn’t know if a person could be with me because I was trans. And instead of reassuring me, she told me, “You’re right... I don’t know how anyone is ever going to love you.” And I hadn’t ever confronted that memory until today. I finally, after so many years, allowed myself to cry about the moment that had catalysed the stripping of my self confidence. I realised one horrible little memory among many had been hurting me today much more than I ever thought it had been.

...And I still live with the painful memory, as I’m sure many of you do too, that I had to go through the most crucial years of my coming out completely alone and afraid, struggling to be proud of someone everyone told me was nothing but an unlovable burden to society. Afraid if I seemed proud for just one moment, I would be abused. But I find that the older I get, the more miraculously I feel the strength to get back up or to not be struck down in the first place when I’m confronted by hatred and ignorance.

And I feel that, for me, one of the worst things I could do is to keep this part of me perpetually hidden, because I can’t imagine how many people following me are in desperate need of guidance or at least someone to talk to, to be told that they are worthy and loved. I know I have advice that I would love to give, and words to say to people who feel they need help, because it’s in my nature to always offer assistance if it’s asked of me or if I see someone hurt. It would still mean so much to me even if this message only reached 10 people, because that’s just 10 more people who have read they don’t have to feel like they’re going through things alone. I know to some people this might sound Basic but you honestly have no idea about the people who need to read posts like this.

Of course I know there are considerable times where it is still unsafe for me to come out, be it trans or gay, and there are times when I feel it’s irrelevant for me to mention it, or times when I feel I just don’t need to. But it isn’t about coming out as much as it is about purging the old fear I have that being proud of my identity is something I shouldn’t do.

I’m always saying sorry for the simplest things, terrified of being burdensome, and being trans hasn’t ever been exempt from that list of things I’ve been made to feel fear and shame for loving. But I’m a year older now. And I feel that checkpoint should begin with learning I should never have to apologise for being who I am, to feel confident in the pride I have always had in my trans identity and learn to not let others take that away from me like they had done in the past again and again. I’ve always found myself admiring people who can be comfortable in their entirety without apology. I would love to exist without feeling like I’ve disappointed someone who likes me or wants to be friends by revealing I’m trans, and even though that has happened to me countless times, I know if those people have a problem with my gender, I wouldn’t want those people in my life anyway. My worth is not determined by how negative people treat me.

I know it’s a long and difficult road sometimes, to learn to love yourself, but you should feel proud to be trans. And there might be people who try to twist that idea and scare you into thinking no one will ever love you. You might feel not that you‘re ashamed to be trans, but that you feel afraid no one will accept you as much as you accept yourself. You worry to be proud of your identity makes you undesirable or inconvenient. And I wish I would’ve had someone tell me when I was a kid that people only tell you that to break you and silence you.

So whoever is in a low place right now and needs to hear this, as I needed to hear so many birthdays before, birthdays I never thought I’d make it to:

There is NEVER any shame in feeling proud to be who you are. There are ALWAYS people who will love you and who will listen to you when you need help, and there is NO shame in feeling you need that help. Vulnerability does not equal weakness.

I know there is a time and a place for me to reveal I’m trans irl and there are questions I still have the right not to answer, but I don’t want to spend my life persistently afraid I will never find anyone, friend or lover, who will care about me. I want to have the same love for myself I have for everyone else.

So happy birthday to me, and to the 6 year old boy photographed who didn’t understand why he couldn’t spend the night at all his boy friends’ houses. But more so, to the 14 year old boy who never thought he would make it this far. I wish he would’ve believed the people who told him the best things happen when you least expect them to. Because they do.

Not only would I like to extend my help to my trans followers who need someone to talk to emotionally, but I have been through all legal document changes (that I own as a California resident at least) and have had some unexpected things happen to me on testosterone on top of the usual changes, along with having some knowledge about top surgery and insurance, so if you aren’t cis and have a legal or appropriate medical question for me regarding transitioning, I may just be able to provide some help! While I’m not always sure how good I am at these things, my askbox or DMs are always open to anyone that needs to talk or is seeking advice :)

Thank you for listening and as always, I love you all ♡

P.S. I didn’t go through all of this to have clowns in my inbox so please be respectful

#I feel so melodramatic but this is the first time I’ve ever done this #so there! I did it!#me #ok to rb #trans #transgender #ftm transition #ftm positivity #trans positivity #positivity #lgbtq #tw suicide #tw self harm #long post

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yandere-society · 5 years

Note

Hey, I was wondering if you’re still doing request if you could do one for a stalker Taehyung? IF NOT THATS OKAY, I REALLY LIKE YOUR WRITNG AS WELL!!!

admin / author: @an-ambivalent ♥

Warning: As this contains yandere themes, the characters display behaviors that can be triggering or uncomfortable to read. Read at your own risk. This work is purely fiction. I do not believe any of the mentioned members would display any sort of this behaviour irl, nor do I condone this sort of behaviour.

Desires Of A Desperado

It began with:

Persistency

For the most part, life had been mundane and repetitive for [Name]. From middle school to high school, and university it was buckle down, focus on studying, and occasionally, experience minimum amount of fun with friends. Even that, in itself happened so rarely that she remembered each fun time vividly, and clung onto that sole sparkle tightly. Of course, that was not to say that she did not ever experience other types of joy or sorrow – it was simply that most of it had dulled into haziness in her mind. From the time university had begun for her, and until now, everything sort of felt like a permanent routine that never changed; it was the same old anxiety, same type of aggravating friends who were only good to hang out with once in a while and just the same old consistency.

Despite knowing that she was living a life wealthier and more fortunate than many others, and being grateful about everything she had, a part of her could not help but crave for something more – something enticing, something new, something that would evoke sensations within her that she never felt before. Whether this craving was psychologically normal, or her inner demon of greed seeking more, she did not know. However, one certain thing was that after she did get her more, after life did bestow her with something new that enticed new types of anxieties and fears in her, she wished more than anything to have her mundane, boring consistency back again.

[Name] believed that being in her first relationship with someone as princely as Kim Taehyung was going to be the answer to all of her problems, and give her a life of fun – it was the biggest miscalculated mistake she had ever made.

Come to think of it, she never really expressed an interest in him. To some extent, it felt as if he had almost forced her into it?

Their story begins (well, it has already begun since the first word of this post–) on a dull, grey, and bleek cloudy day; the wind was utterly bone-chilling, and signs of the storm that had subsided only an hour ago were evident in the way a type of wet iciness cold fragmented itself in the air, and the heavy amount of rain droplets covered the surfaces they touched – roads, roofs, people’s clothes, and skin.

Due to the weather being awful for outdoor purposes, no one was lingering around front of the campus where most of the premises was not sheltered, and the university’s bus shelter was situated. It was during the mid-semester break anyway, so that was a major contributing factor to the lack of absence of people, other than [Name].

As she had left her home that morning, the skies were clear with only a small number of white clouds suspended above. Basing her assumptions on that, and a small amount of her laziness of not being bothered to carry an umbrella or a rain jacket contributing it, [Name] had nothing except a thin transitioning season jacket on her to shield her from the manifesting cold, or if it were to rain again.

So, when a hooded figure packed in many layers of warm clothing joined her under the bus shelter, [Name] was a cold mess. She hugged herself as tightly as she could, with her hands shoved under her armpits for warmth, and teeth clattering together. Like she did with every stranger she encountered, [Name] ignored his presence, and never acknowledge him. She kept her eyes focused downwards on her lap, and forced herself to focus on her struggles to keep herself warm. It was just easier that way; everything was easier to deal with if she pretended it did not exist, and stayed in her own little bubble.

However, unfortunately for her, the hooded stranger did not plan for it to continue that way. He was seeking, she was perfect. He decided he was going to be the needle that popped her.

Taehyung observed [Name] with a heavy gaze, and licked his lips. Then, with a dry mouth, and his heart almost jumping out of his chest in eagerness, he spoke.

“Noona,” He greeted, and compared to how he was feeling, his voice seemed rather monotonous.

The somewhat familiarity of his tone, and of course, the fact that he was addressing her, caused [Name] to turn her head towards him.

Her eyes widened slightly in surprise.

“Taehyung,” [Name] responded, and her mouth was slightly ajar. As a result, her lips were parted slightly in the way that was sensually attractive. The way her skin lacked colour from its usual hue due to vasoconstriction, and her lips being somewhat blue, both because of the cold, enticed something in him.

She looked so vulnerable, and adorable – the way he imagined the various possibilities in which he could warm her in, he would be the one she would rely on – where it would just the two of them existing, and no one else –

“Have my tutoring sessions been helpful?” She asked, snapping him out of his mind, and Taehyung turned fully towards her.

For mere seconds before he answered, his gaze shifted down to her chest. With her jacket unzipped, water from the rain creating a wet area of darkness, her bra was visible. It would not need to be a big deal, but for Taehyung, it was. Such revelation of her sacred innocence and beauty that only he should see, was out there – visible to the entire world. Why? Why was it like that? Was his Noona a dirty little slut who craved intimacy attention more desperately than he had known? Had he missed out on something while he was researching her? That couldn’t be it… He watched her all the time, and sure, he had caught her touching herself a few times. But, (there was always a but), he had made sure that he would be her very first, for everything before he finalised her to be the one who he would mark. So, why? Why would she just reveal something that was meant for his eyes only to the entire world? Was she that dense? Or perhaps, she did this because she wanted him to notice her.

The last possible reason caused Taehyung’s cheeks to redden.

“Taehyung, hey Taehyung, are you okay?” [Name] said, and she settled her cold hand on his arm, and shook him slightly in order to make him return to reality.

The moment Taehyung snapped out of his thoughts, his eyes flickered to [Name]’s hand on him, and then to her face, and back to her hand again before he realised: she was touching him.

His lovely, lovely Noona was touching him. He did not like anyone touching him, but her – her touch was sensational, enthralling. Despite being cold, it radiated a certain warmth that seemed to be exactly like the one he had been craving his entire life. It was it, her touch was it – it was what he had been after this entire time.

The red on Taehyung’s cheeks spread further across his cheeks, and his gaze shifted back to [Name]. His irises were dilated with an intenseness that made [Name] uncomfortable. Especially, because he did not give her a response, and instead, let his eyes wander down to her chest once again. But this time, she noticed.

Her discomfort increased, and with red cheeks, she covered her chest. The sight of her bra shown through her wet shirt that had been Taehyung’s saving grace being blocked, caused him to snap his eyes towards her.

He no longer wore a love-struck expression. Instead, his eyes were narrowed into a glare of aggravation like something very precious had been stolen from him.

What was she playing at? Hard to get? If she did not want me to stare, then she should cover up. His trail of thought started, and then led to another.

He was her boyfriend, her guardian. So, she was obviously looking to him to help her, Taehyung decided.

Instantly, he unzipped the hoodie he was wearing on top of others, and forced it in [Name]’s hands. The [h/c] female barely received the time to respond, because she became preoccupied with wanting to take her grip out off Taehyung’s harsh one when he was forcing his jacket in her hands.

“That should have you covered for now. You can return it to me later, and don’t wash it. Thank me when I take you out on a date after our next tutoring session,” He stated simply, as he released her hands, and stood up. Then, he covered his head with the hood of his other jacket, turned away from [Name], and walked away without awaiting a response.

[Name]’s mouth was ajar and she sat still in shock, as she was still trying to process what had just happened. Then, as another gust of cold wind swept past her and reminded her body of the cold she was suffering, she unwrinkled Taehyung’s warm jacket in her hands, and put it on her body.

Then came,

Pushing boundaries

Vintage ambient lighting hung from the ceiling of the cafe, and provided the interior of it with aesthetically pleasing orange hue lighting. Sleek and clean wooden tables, each with different number of chairs situated around it, had the ambient lighting reflecting on its’ surface. One would describe the interior aesthetic of the cafe as modern, with its obsidian granite walls and other surfaces, and large windows; acoustics of popular pop songs were played as faded and pleasing background music for its visitors.

In one of the furthest corners of the cafe, isolated from everyone else as much as they could be, [Name] and Taehyung beside each other. With some of the tables like theirs, rather than chairs, it was a sofa like arranged seating. Being a complete sucker for lavish comfort that [Name] was, she had immediately paced to that table to claim it as hers. And while there may have been somewhere else that Taehyung may have preferred to sit at, this time, he did not mind too much. The seating was still decent, and with the way it was arranged, it would allow him to be close to his Noona as much as possible. Plus, at this point, their relationship was only beginning. So, [Name] did not know him fully yet, and would not have known that Taehyung would rather be the one to choose where they sat, not her, or anyone else. He had not established his set of rules for her yet, and that meant she was not yet aware of the fact that Taehyung wanted to be in charge of everything. Therefore, this time, he would let it pass, and not punish her in anyway.

Rather than sitting opposite of her so he could face her like a normal person would, he chose to slide into the same side of the seat as her. He scooted until he was as close as he deemed appropriate for their first official date – which to be frank, judging from a normal person’s standard was still way too close; his arm and thigh rubbed against [Name]’s, and since the other side of her body was pushed against the wall beside her, she was left with no room to move back in. She was stuck in the awkward and uncomfortable position that Taehyung was forcing her to be in.

The smell of her cologne stimulated Taehyung’s odorant receptors, and he noted that today, she was wearing his second favourite perfume of her’s. It was a tad disappointing since he expected her to bring her best for him, but as mentioned before, he had not educated her about his regulations yet. So, any faults of this date, he would let them slide for now.

“Um, here’s your hoodie. Thanks for letting me borrow it the other day,” [Name] interjected, breaking him out of his train of thoughts.

In response to her voice, Taehyung turned his head towards her, and with an extra observant gaze, he looked at his hoodie that [Name] was holding out to him. He recalled that he had specifically, ordered her to not wash it when she would be returning it to him today. This was because he wanted her scent and the warmth of her body to linger in it so he could smell, and snuggle with it later. However, she had clearly disobeyed his direct order and washed it and ironed it; it was obvious because his hoodie was void off creases and any particular smells he could associate with [Name].

Even a washed hoodie would have been better than an ironed one, because then, Taehyung would still have been able to relish in his smell of [Name]’s laundry detergent. But with it being ironed, it smelled nothing except of degraded heat. And while her ironing skills were impressive, she had gone above and beyond with her actions to displease him. With a heavy heart, and his lips turned downwards in a frown, he wordlessly took his hoodie off her hands, and shoved it in his bag beside him. Then, he simply shifted his eyes to the menu laid before them, picked one up and began reading it, all the while, refusing to look at [Name], or give her a response.

The [h/c] female furrowed her eyebrows because she felt confused about Taehyung’s reaction.

Have I done something to displease him? Last time I checked, washing someone’s clothes, and ironing them before returning it was basic etiquette. She thought.

Strike One

Just as she opened her mouth and was about to apologize for whatever Taehyung had been upset about, she was cut off.

“[Name]! Hey!” A familiar voice called out to her, and [Name] turned her head towards the source of the sound. Her eyes widened slightly when she saw one of her friends from her class, walking up to her. She followed her form as she closed her table, until she ended up turning her head to the front again (towards the table), as her friend joined them, and sat opposite of her and Taehyung.

Strike Two

“Hey baby,” Vicki greeted, and gave [Name] a teasing smile that clearly indicated that she was joking. Her somewhat flirtatious words caused Taehyung’s head to shot upwards with wide eyes, and he stared at them with uncertain feelings of betrayal swimming in his eyes.

[Name] scoffed at Vicki. But, nonetheless, there was a smile etched on her face.

“What do you want?” [Name] asked.

Due to the forwardness of her question, Vicki feigned offense.

“Can’t I just talk to out of the goodness of my heart?” Vicki asked smiling. Simultaneously, her eyes drifted towards Taehyung next to you, who she felt an intense stare from. Her eyes widened, and as her eyes met his, there was a sudden moment of terrifying shivers that ran down her spine. It was more than obvious that she was not wanted, and while she was not the type to have cared about this sort of situation typically, in this instance, she felt compelled to apologize.

“Uh, are you two on a date?” She began, her eyes lingering on Taehyung, and then shifting to [Name].

“No.”

“Yes.”

Both of these answers left [Name]’s and Taehyung’s lips simultaneously, and the difference in their answers, caused them to look towards one another. [Name]’s eyes were widened in surprise, and Taehyung’s face had become rendered off any obvious emotions as he narrowed his eyes at her. Subsequently to this, a discomforting, and eerie silence surrounded them, as Taehyung was now directly a harsh glare towards [Name].

Vicki, being the catalyst of this situation, was now quick to think on her feet, and make her escape.

“I–, um, s-sorry for crashing your guys date. I’ll leave you two to it. I’ll talk to you later [Name],” Vicki spoke quickly, as she slid out of their table, and ran out of the cafe.

Strike Three

[Name] attempted to utter a good-bye to Vicki. However, she never received the chance to because Taehyung had grabbed onto both of her wrists, and gripped them painfully tightly in order to keep her focus on him.

“You lied,” He hissed, and his grip on her tightened. “Why did you lie?! Are you ashamed of me?! Do you not love me?!”

[Name] winced in pain, and on natural reflex, she tried to pull her arms away from him. After multiple attempts, she realized that her efforts were useless. Then, she took a few deep breaths in order to settle her nerves of fear which had risen due to Taehyung’s infliction of pain on her, and his harsh glare, and body language.

“I– I’m sorry I panicked. She said it so suddenly–” [Name] tried to answer, but she was interrupted when Taehyung laughed dryly at her response.

“You didn’t panic. You meant what you said, and you said it because you think I’m not good enough for you.”

“Taehyung, that’s– it’s not like that– I swear–” [Name] tried to defend.

“Then what is it like [Name] noona? If you really aren’t ashamed of me like you’re trying to say contradictory to your actions, then prove it. Prove to me that our relationship means something to you. Prove your commitment to me and show me that you aren’t a waste of my time,” Taehyung demanded, and the absurdity of his words made [Name] furrow her eyebrows.

An unsettling feeling formed in her stomach and it felt like she had sealed her doom with the words she spoke next.

She swallowed what thought to be excessive saliva in her mouth down her throat, her mouth felt dry.

“What do you want me to do for– for your a-approval?” She stammered, and instantly, like a child seeing their birthday presents, his face lit up.

It was then that [Name] realized the sudden lack of distance between them, and how close Taehyung had shifted himself to her.

His breath fanned her face, and sensually, he brushed his thumb against her bottom lip, with dangerous desires glinting mischiefly in his eyes.

“Make love to me.”

For her submission, he resorted to threats.

When she stopped reciprocating, it ended with aggression.

Black and blue marks, some pigmented with a hint of red due to the blood that was dried on them. Exhaustion that was way beyond what she was capable of handling, was hideously evident in her lackluster irises; the agony and the suffering was taking its toll on her entire being: emotionally, mentally, and physically. Her skin, that was blank canvas before he had decided to dictate over it, was now littered with wounds of various kinds.

[Name] found it difficult to breath as frantic panic housed itself in her nerves, and her bottom lip quivered. It took everything in her, and more, to not burst out into tears, and completely give up to whatever misery Taehyung wanted to submit her to. Perhaps, if her life was the only one at risk, she would have done exactly that. But right now, she couldn’t. She had to fight in whatever way she could in order to assure their survival.

“Taehyung please,” [Name] began begging, and her voice sounded completely broken. “Please don’t hurt him, he has nothing to do with this.”

Taehyung narrowed his eyes at her coldly. Momentarily, his eyes flickered to the unconscious little boy who he was holding at a knife point in his arms, and then switched his stare back to [Name] once more. He gritted his teeth in frustration, feeling as if this entire time, whatever lessons he had been trying to teach her were a waste of time.

“He has everything to do with this. He’s the only one left who continues to keep you distracted from me. I can’t have that, I WON’T allow that! You’re mine so all of your attention should be directed to me! I warned you before didn’t I? If you don’t do as I say and commit yourself fully and solely to me then I’m going to hurt the ones who prevent you from doing so. I warned you! I told you that I’ll kill your brother if you continue to talk to him. So that’s what I’m doing now, I’m getting rid off him so that we can be together – just us,” Taehyung said, and as he brought the tip of the knife closer to the boy’s neck, it began piercing his skin. Due to [Name]’s brother’s drugged and unconscious state, no response left his lips as Taehyung started to draw blood from his skin.

[Name]’s eyes widened impossibly wide.

“Taehyung NO PLEASE DON’T–”

Taehyung stabbed the knife fully into the boy’s throat.

“There’s no one to stand in our way anymore. Finally, you will be all mine.”

(A/N: hello, admin ambi here. I’d just like to say that I started this WIP weeks ago. However, I was unable to complete it until this point because of uni and work being up my ass. The title, the plot of this one-shot, and everything else completely changed to what I originally planned. Additionally, I haven’t written in ages so my writing is rusty. Due to all these mentioned reasons, this ended up being really messy, the plot is inconsistent and all over the place. I understand if its confusing too. I hope the next work I publish will be better than this. Also, I haven’t proof read some of this so I apologize for any errors.

Thank you for reading. I hope you all have a lovely day / night whatever it is).

#yandere bts #yandere x reader #yandere taehyung #taehyung x reader #yandere kpop #yandere imagines #yandere x you #bts x reader #yandere taehyung x reader #yandere bangtan #bts imagines #bts stalker au #taehyung stalker au #bts fanfiction #kpop x reader #ambivalent writes

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haich-slash-cee · 4 years

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Being Human (UK)

This is a show that I recommend to people... but I add a lot of caveats.

The recommendation: A werewolf, vampire and ghost are flatmates. This show is hilarious! So much macabre and slice of life humor! And horror and whump!? Also, the show was run by a side-channel of BBC (BBC3) and I guess they had no production money, so the actors mostly look human and they just refer to each other as being a 500-year old vampire or ghost or whatever. Which makes it even better. The werewolf is Jewish, recites a Jewish prayer at least once, and hangs out watching “The Real Hustle” with the vampire. They work in a hospital as janitors. The ghost has a habit of making everyone tea to soothe herself and the flat is cluttered with tea mugs everywhere all the time. Also, people do get fang-y or wolf-y or do weird poltergeist stuff. And gore happens.

Longish post, more below the cut.

PS, this is the 2008-2013 UK version of Being Human, which I hear had a cult following. There’s certainly stuff on Tumblr. I found the BBC version through the US remake of Being Human, but I’m much more charmed by the BBC version. (The US version has the vampire and werewolf as hospital doctors? Why?) Also I watched the show maybe 4, 5 years ago, so impressions are from that.

And the caveats: There’s a lot of sexism which was hard to watch. It’s engrained in the premise and plot and occasional gross sexist jokes. And there’s other problematic stuff in the writing. It’s like having glass shards show up the meal you are enjoying, and it’s why I’m not sure I’ll rewatch the series (or not in it’s entirety, anyway). There’s also a limited spinoff web series called Becoming Human which also had some problems for me, including some gross sexism and fatphobia. (John Boyega from Star Wars does show up as a character in that series, for anyone interested.)

Back to Being Human and overall series recommendations. So the 1st season was good. I kind of forgot what happened in the 2nd and 3rd season (I think they got depressing and slow?). The 4th season picked up again, much to my surprise, and I remember liking the 4th and 5th season a lot. Even though [spoilers] there was a complete cast change by this time. But it worked, somehow. The show did go from at least having one woman of color to having an all-white cast at the end, which was not great. And there’s other racism too.

For people who like their happily-ever-after: uhhh so I vaguely recall that a lot of characters don’t really get a happy ending. Granted, half of them are walking around dead already, so...? Overall, the ending of the 5th season is... Is that a happy ever after? Happy for now? The Bonus on the DVD kind of makes it a happy-for-now with a continued possibility? It’s an acceptable HFN?

.....And now, the notes for all the hurt/comfort people and whumpers:

Holy crap people, there is SO much h/c and whump!?

OK first -- George the werewolf. George’s transformation sequence, SUPER whumpy.

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Also, George ends up naked often, come to think. And he screams a lot during the show, for various reasons. The actor himself, in the bonus DVD interviews I think, cheerfully says something like, “People really like the way George screams, I do too.” (This is like when David Tennant cheerfully talked about how he enjoys playing a character who is unconscious and sick and gets fussed over by people.) And George is a very sympathetic, nerdy character who is easy to feel for. Who occasionally turns into a SNARLY SCARY WEREWOLF AGAINST HIS WILL. As mentioned, I think I liked season 1 George more than seasons 2 or 3.

Emotional hurt/comfort -- so Annie the Ghost provides a lot of the emotional centering, as I recall. Throughout all 5 seasons, all the characters lean on each other for support and there’s a lot of lovely warm fuzzies from that. Also, one of the later werewolf characters, Tom, is generally a sweet kid. I’m glad they didn’t do too much of the transformation horror with him, honestly. George/Russel Tovey could carry that, but I thought Tom’s strong point was looking puppy-eyed and folorn-eyebrow’d and trying to navigate the world with a mix of naivety and half-feral-ness.

Above: exhausted naps on the couch.

Below: Classic Being Human humor. A review of house rules and vampire stabbing etiquette, between Annie and Tom --

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[Spoilers from here on] Okay, so as mentioned, the cast changed over between season 4-5. And to my surprise, I think I loved the new trio as much as, or more than, the original trio. I liked how loud Alex the ghost was. And I liked both Annie and Alex.

Also, I did not expect this either, but I got so interested in Hal! Yo! First of all, Hal is a centuries-old Vampire and speaks/looks like, idk, a Regency Character. And then 19-yr old Tom puts Hal to work at a fast food shop and bosses him around, and Hal’s indignation is hilarious. So already, this is excellent.

And somehow, Hal is very, very whumpy? So: the character of a “vampire who is trying to be good and suffers” is not new, and I’ve encountered versions where I haven’t been interested. (I was lukewarm about Mitchell, the original vampire in the show.) But for whatever reason, I really dug Hal. Maybe, for me, Hal was just the right mix of very serious and earnest but also ridiculous and tragic all at once. (I read some interviews with the actor Damien Molony, who mentioned how he’d done a lot of history and addiction research in to prep for the role. The new trio actors also had a lot of chemistry and fun on sets, it sounds like. So I might be picking up all that.)

Also, Hal is actually two characters -- the ridiculous indignant serious Good Hal who is desperately trying to keep the horrible, rude, murderous, Bad Hal from taking over. But, as one of the show producers, a woman, cheerfully commented in the DVD extras: “And then Bad Hal shows up, which is great, everyone likes a bit of Bad Hal”.

Honestly, why do we even pretend to hide our fascination with the macabre and the whump, when showrunners and actors are cheerfully not hiding it all.

Here’s clips of Good Hal in Season 4:

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Oh, I forgot about this part until I rewatched the last clip -- but at the end of season 4, Hal asks his flatmates to forcibly bind him to a chair, because he’s trying to fight off Bad Hal. Based on my perusing of the whump community, pretty sure that scenario is of interest to someone.

Also notable is the episode “No Care, All Responsibility” (Series 5 ep 3). In one scene in particular, where Natasha has offered Hal a way to control his bloodlust and there’s this mix of vulnerability and power with Hal asking Natasha to put a stake against his heart, I remember thinking -- “I bet a woman wrote this ep and I bet she knew exactly what she wanted”. And I was right, that woman is Sarah Dollard, a queer woman who has also written a lot of other things (including Doctor Who). She also wrote Being Human goofy web extra eps with Alex, Hal and Tom called “Alex’s Unfinished Business” and they are so good ! (Interview).

Also... the opening 3-minute backstory in “No Care...” made me cry. You get a glimpse of the show’s baddie showing real care and emotion in rescuing this little kid (an important character). When this kind of scene is done well, it just gets me. every. time.

Anyway here’s an appearance of Bad Hal (much later), being completely awful, murdering people and turning them into vampires and singing Broadway tunes during this.

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Side note on Vampire narratives. Although Hal’s narrative arc of season 5 was interesting, and I’m aware this is show is urban fantasy, I still have qualms of the show enforcing IRL stigmas/ideas that addition is incurable and addicts are doomed. They’re not. (General overview on NIH page.) Addiction research is a growing field. From listening to NPR and reading articles, my impression is that addiction treatment will change quickly in the next few years. Related to the vampire blood addiction trope, Terry Pratchett covers vampires finding ways to be “dry” (one vampire, Maladict, swaps out blood addiction for coffee addiction) and you can find fanfics about the topic as well. (General link to Being Human Ao3 fanfics, why not.)

Side note on Hal’s dual characters -- recently, I did consider, “Is there overlap with Hal and portrayals of Dissociative Identity Disorder (MPD) folks?” IRL DID people have complained about movies with gross portrayals of people with DID. To me, Being Human’s Hal feels removed from that and closer to a fantasy.... but, I’m also not multi, so.

* Update: after having learned more about plural history, I’m even less sure now. (Note: my opinions are of someone who isn’t plural, as far as I know, so note that.) There’s a number of early problematic movies and books that hugely affected the popular narratives of plural people in the west, and still affect how therapists and non-plural people treat plural people even today. These include the movie “The Three Faces of Eve”, which has the narrative of “Good Eve, Bad Even, and later smushed together become ‘Fixed Eve’ or whatever”. There’s practically a whole lecture series on how the books/movies were made with sensationalism and formulas in mind and pretty gross things. Chris Costner Sizemore, the IRL Eve, had to fight the movie studios in court because the studios claimed they owned her life story. (There’s practically a whole lecture series on early plural history in the west, I might link more information later). Like, even today, multi people feel pressured to hide their plurality because they are afraid singlets or other people are gonna say “oh so which one of you is the ax murderer”, or that they are going to be fired from work. So.

This post turned into a “Being Human seasons 4 + 5 Appreciation Post”. I guess Season 1 and 4, 5 were my favorite. I watched the show through library DVDs, but I think there’s eps of the show on YouTube. The DVD extras are probably on this YouTube playlist?

(Also, there is a pilot episode, with different actors except George/Russel Tovey. I don’t think one needs to watch the pilot to watch the main series; I kind of recall that the main series recycled some of the pilot. There is a funny scene in the pilot where George and Mitchell meet Annie.)

Being Human: a macabre, hilarious, horror-filled, flawed, sometimes dragging, emotional, whumpy, oddball show that I still think about sometimes.

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migleefulmoments · 5 years

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"for those of you are are drinking the Kool Aide, you all believe that he shares his entire private life, because we see him all the time and constantly out and about." I can't get over how black and white she sees everything. Darren has to share every part of his life or share nothing. It's just not how things work for any celeb or even people we know irl. I don't know every single detail of my own friends lives and I don't need to, people are entitled to share/not share as much as they want.

Isn’t it incredible? She really has a very literal interprotation of words- several times a week I am still shocked by one of her revelations. That entire ask was pretty interesting.

Anonymous asked:

It perplexes me that stans try and say we read too much in to D's friendships with people like AC, HS, etc and that they're only his PR friends when they do the same thing with the SKs and others. Just because D says RR and the SKs are his besties on social media doesn't make it true in the same way us believing in a friendship based on social media doesn't make that true. Funny how they use the same tactics as we do to prove their side but we're chastised for it!

Nonnie, the stans are desperate right now.

I love how she always claims were are shaking in our shoes because we know she’s right-it’s so childish. I think that was the argument strategy I used with my younger sister when I was in middle school. Abby projects her own anguish by claiming “they are desperate”. Except I'm have never said #Iamveryupset over something in Darren’s life, I don’t hate 2019, and I don’t come up with derogatory names to bully his friends and disparage his wedding and the show he created.

One of them spent hours researching each person we posted about to tell us where said individual was on the day of the horror film Hours, her post is laughable, because she needs to feel better about the fact that she too knows that the guest list was off.

It’s hilarious that she believes I spent hours searching for where each person was on February 16. First of all, I mentioned that my fairy godmother sent me those links and second of all, they were from Instagram so not hard to find.

Not to mention she completely discounted that D&M were ecaged for over one year,

Then she lays on some classic Abby logic- they were engaged for a year so their “friends” (as defined by Abby) should have known to get the day off. Of course they should have because that is what she did for her friends’ wedding. I’m sure that those who wanted to be were there. But some times work gets in the way (Why are we taking about this 7 months later?).

and most people who wanted to be there would have been there, not one of the excuses she names to me was something that had to happen.

Wow...the people who paid to see the live performances and the costars and crew who worked those show would disagree. Alan, Lena, and Laura all had live shows that weekend soooooo not exactly the same as Abby getting a coworker to cover her at a conference while she was in a wedding last weekend. But more importantly, isn’t this an argument in my favor? I agree, everyone who wanted to be there would have been hence those people You believe are his real friends- that I'm arguing are coworkers- weren’t there (X) (X) (Xk)

I have gotten countless anons saying D is “private” and we don’t know who he hangs out with. Not true, if you believe in the marriage, he is not private”

FACT: Each and every time I debunk a cc trope, I methodically lay out the proof and provide evidence showing why and how ccers are wrong. I include links, dates, photos and quotes- all which can be double checked for accuracy. There is nothing fun about making up facts- it’s only fun if I can prove I’m right. Here you are “taking me down” with some sweet cc proof (X) Take note- they are all gifs.

I get it, you believe Darren’s closest friends are his former coworkers because those are the people you’ve seen with him in so many photos on social media. Those are the people he said such nice things about while promoting the project but of course, that is what you do when you are drumming up publicly for a show. While I have no doubt he likes those people and they are friendly acquaintances- friends even- they aren’t his closest friends. If the only time he is with those people are when they are working or promoting a project-that is a pretty good hint that they are not his ride-or-die friends. You have to look for consistency-are they hanging out while working on a project or have thy been friend for 16 years? The people he has literally called “one of my best friends” are also the people he travels with (Vegas, Palm Springs, overseas, Ann Arbor, NY), they attended each other’s weddings and performed at each other’s ceremonies. They are the people he takes to shows in and around LA. see various music and theater shows in and around LA, Do they mention Mia on social media? All of Darren’s close friends have a friendship with MIa.

If you really want to have a clue about what is going on in Darren’s private life, you have to look a little deeper. You have to listen to what he says in his interviews-even if there isn’t a gif-worthy moment to manipulate. You ignore the audio and print interviews- even those where he divulged a lot -because they can’t be altered- there is no video to crop, slow-down, and make into an emotional gif.

Another telltale sign -does he talk about the friends in relation to his future? He calls writing a show with TheStarKid “the most fun thing to do”. Taking in all of the evidence, it is clear to me that the people at his wedding were the people he considers his closest friends. He hired Nick Lang and John and Jennifer for Royalties because he likes them.

Fact, they can’t have their cake and eat it too. If you accept that m/iarren is real, they you must accept that D has lied repeatedly about privacy being precious. I feel like i went to JLB’s wedding. I felt like i went to MS & BH’s wedding. And like I was on the great family honeymoon in the Philippines. And both European trips. I see that he has been with the creepster and his “not gf” repeatedly over the past few months. And I lived the sham mockery we have so much footage.

(starts beating my head against the wall) “He’s private so we don’t know who he hangs out with” except we can see with our own two eyes who he is with. Do you imagine that he stays home so he can hang with Edgar, Jane, Alan and Elvis privately? Oh wait, I know they all have invisibility cloaks. For the 9000th time, “being private” means he doesn’t share his intimate life secrets. All celebs have to give up some level of privacy. Darren keeps mentioning it to explain why he doesn’t post on social media more- it’s something he thinks? worries? about a lot. He isn’t telling us he’s private because he thinks it’s our responsibly to worry about it.

He is actually private-compare him to Kylie Jenner or Gigi Gorgeous who share everything. He does however leave his house and we can sometimes see who he’s with. The only person in your list of “friends” that we know he spent appreciate time with when they weren’t working together is Ricky Martin. He has spent personal- non-working time- with StarKids, Ricky, Ben, and Ashley .

(still beating head against the wall) You didn’t “almost go to” any of thoseweddings. You saw a few short videos and some photos because you stalked all of the people who were invited to those weddings. Darren had NO control over any wedding outside of his own and he clearly wasn’t worried about his privacy at his friend’s weddings and that isn’t something for you to worry about. Darren is an adult and he is making choices in his life. You let him handle his own life- you will be way less anxious.

If they insist the people we see are real friendships like SK, they can’t then go the opposite way and say he is hiding his very private friendship with JC, AL, BF, and PA. It doesn’t work that way. If you accept what they repeatedly show us, weekly, often daily, then you accept D is an attention whore. Plain and simple.

(hitting my head against the wall EVEN HARDER) I can absolutely accept that Darren feels like privacy is precious AND also feels very comfortable that what he shares about his life AND is happy about his life choses. I do not believe that he is hiding his relationship with Jennifer, Ben kor Pamela, and whomever else your initials represent (my brain hurts from all the hitting). Darren’s personal life is private and there is no doubt he has relationships with people we don’t see- they might also be Mia’s friends. Or he knew he was hiring Jennifer for the show and invited her. There are lots of solutions to the equation-it isn’t my job or yours to solve it. Your need for everything to be “all” or “nothing” is what is tripping you up here. It absolute can go both ways. He sees Ricky, Ashley, StarKids and Ben more often because they are friends who and out, they have a lot in common and enjoy seeing time together because they are at the same stage of life. Pamela and Jennifer can be special to Darren even if they aren’t people he spends a lot of time in public with. People can be very special even if we see them very rarely. Relationships aren’t predicated on spending time together. But the fact is WE DO SEE his friendship with StarKids, Ricky, Ashley and Ben and we know they are good friends because he’s told us so. We have verbal confirmation and we have seen physical evidence. With Jennifer, Ben and Pamela, we have not seen evidence of a friendship besides the wedding but they were at the wedding and it isn’t our responsibly to figure out who each person is friends with and how special that friend is. The message is that that person meant enough that they invited them to the wedding. As for you list of “friends” Alan, Elvis, Jane, Ricky, Edgar etc, we saw a ton of interaction while they were promoting their projects but then it stopped. They also weren’t at the wedding which leads me to believe that they are friends but they aren’t al that close that they would fly to NOLA for a wedding.

It is Darren’s responsibility to decided how much he wants to share and to know whether he is sharing too much with his fans. It Is NOT my responsibility -as a fan- to make sure he is comfortable or to determine what he means by “private”.

I don’t agree with you that “If Miarren is real then we must accept that Darren is lying repeatedly about the privacy thing”. What I will agree with is that you constantly misconstrue what he means the says he is private. I also believe that as a general rule, those of us who grew up before social media have a much more restricted definition of “private” than those who were younger when it became popular. So what you think is “private”, younger people willingly share.

What I don’t understand is that you claim over and over that everything out of Darren’s mouth is a lie. You claim he isn’t straight, he is with Chris or married to Chris, he is not married to Mia, his wedding was a sham, and that he doesn’t own or even like TSGs, that he doesn’t live with Mia in the home he show off as his home, and that he lies during interviews because he team forces him to interviews

Sp the question is what lie are you willing to accept? Because either D is lying about his sexuality or he is lying about his desire to keep his private life private and off of SM.

My question to you is “what lies are you willing to accept?”

#cc #ccer #cc fandom #crisscolfer #darren criss #debunking cc lies #cc nonsense #explaining relationships

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flyswhumpcenter · 5 years

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Bad Things Happen Bingo! The event where you send me requests according to this marvelous card! (Red cross is the completed prompt, character headshots are prompts I’ve already filled. Green deltas are for requested prompts.)

There’s a reason why Chronos was such a cruel god.

I almost forgot to post this fic... I started it a while back, got art block, and only went back to it during a boring geography lesson during Whumptober. It was also not meant to be an Inazuma fic, but sometimes I have a weird creativity and muse. Don't ask me, the wonders of the human mind I guess. It'll come to literally nobody's surprise that I ship Anna and Nosaka because I'm the token F/M shipper of the main fanfic writers of this fandom (y'know, gotta contrast my colleagues and provide the stuff nobody but me and maybe an IRL friend wants). I'm surprised I've never managed to finish a fic with them before, tho: yes, the previous prompt fill, "Bedside Vigil" was supposed to be for them until I switched to Haizaki/Akane over... my Tomodachi Life game immediately pairing them up (true story). Anyway. This fic does imply to a road accident of some sort, so if you're sensitive to this kind of topic (for which you're entirely justified, tbh, that's coming from someone who's almost been in one), proceed with caution. It's nothing graphic or anything, just floating in the background of this story, though. I also almost forgot to mention this is supposed to be set in my Inazuma Café AU, but the only reason why you need to know that is because they're college students there, and why Anna and Hikaru are as friendly to each other as they are here. I mean, if you wanna know more, I'll gladly respond to questions.

It’s also the last story I can write for this card without getting a Five in a Row, which I may or may not have done on purpose lol

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For Time Cannot Be Accelerated

Summary: Anna didn't think ambulance rides could last this long on the mind. She was seriously proven wrong.

Fandom: Inazuma Eleven (Ares/Orion continuity; implied college AU) Relationships: Platonic Anna & Hikaru friendship, implied established Anna/Nosaka

Wordcount: 1.7K words

Content Warnings: Implied road accident, talks of death, some blood and talk of injury.

Event hosted by @badthingshappenbingo

AO3 version available here.

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They’re all tense in the ambulance. It doesn’t help that they share a small space amongst themselves, all cranked in one back of a truck that had clearly been made to have one stretcher and the paramedics watching over it. Nobody talks, except the latter amongst themselves in the front of the ambulance and through the vehicle. Instead, they don’t look at each other, too busy staring at the floor or their responsibility.

Anna has opted for the floor, for the time being.

It’s overwhelming to remain here, in a crowded place where she felt alone nonetheless, drowned in the noise of the beeping machinery and blaring sirens echoing on the inside, feet surrounded by wires, hands trembling and sorrow she desperately kept inside. Her thoughts are still shaken from what had happened merely moments before, isolating her even further, words having escaped from her mouth and her vocal cords remaining knotted with no throat clearing able to untie them back to usefulness. She’s speechless, voiceless, useless.

Her shoulder is pressed against Ichihoshi’s, whose hand happens to sometimes brush against her naked arms. From what little she can see of his face, drowned in the darkness of the vehicle and lit by the unstable, flickering coloured lights of the different monitors crippling her earing, he isn’t any more relaxed than she was, shoulders stiff and frowned eyebrows, biting his lip, trying not to fidget with his fingers. She feels like she should be telling him something to make him untense, but considering how tense she also is, she has no idea what she’s even supposed to utter. Her mental syllabus has given up on her for the time being.

In this moment of despair and desolation, Anna still admires the valiant efforts of the paramedics making sense of the numbers displayed on tiny screens and muttering a language she doesn’t understand most of, words whose meaning she has no idea of flying way over her head. They’ve kept their cool when she was on the verge of tears, an unknown yet powerful force preventing her from falling to her knees and weeping like she is, frankly, wanting to do above everything else. Still, she’s the Empress, and no Empress has ever cried when her capacity of judgement was needed.

The air of the ambulance was hot, too much so, smothering both Ichihoshi and her. If she could take a breather outside, even if it’d be for a mere moment or from a minuscule hole, her head would spin far less quickly, her world would stabilize, her mind would be much further from the verge of breaking down under its own weight. She craves tranquillity and serenity, two states of mind she’s meant to have and yet lacked in these desperate moments.

Anna has started finding ways to recover her calm. The floor of the ambulance which seemed highly uncomfortable and disgustingly dirty when she climbed in now looked more than comfortable enough to her, but they lacked the space to even attempt sitting down. Before long, she’s realized the hard reality of things: there’s no way for her to get even the slightest bit more comfortable, and despite the speeds this vehicle is going at, it’s still taking ages in her mind.

In a way, it reminds her of being on a sinking ship, swimming in the cold sea, except she doesn’t even have the merit of risking hypothermia because she’s boarding on a rescue boat while someone else is pushing it, giving their skin to the freezing waters and floating debris. Morbid imagery she tries to erase out of her mind as soon as possible, yet the beating of her heart making itself known in her head and neck prevent her from not thinking about death nor debris.

“I… I hope everything will be alright,” Ichihoshi eventually stutters, in an almost-whisper, voice hiding behind the ill-paced cacophony.

“So do I,” she replies as she notices something was dripping along her skin, eyeing the liquid going down her arm. Drifting her glance in its direction, she sees he’s holding his right arm with his left hand pressed against his jacket’s fabric, a faint difference in colours showing up in the mostly uniform light blue-and-red that his white sleeves had become.

As a result, her voice changes in tone, “are you okay, Ichihoshi?”

“It stings, but it’s nothing too bad. I’ll have it checked when we’ll arrive.”

The trembling, weakness in his own voice makes her more than doubtful of his statement. He’s unstable on his feet, almost swaying, crashing into her when the ambulance unfortunately shifted too quickly for him to catch himself on something, fingers slipping on the metal walls. She barely catches him with weak arms, legs feeling fainter until she’s stabilized him on his feet.

“I don’t believe that it can’t be ‘too bad’, if you’re tilting this much,” she tells him, even more concern melting into acid. “Let me see”.

A sense of responsibility gives her back some of her stability, legs straightening up, eyes sharper as she tried to see in the half-dark. Without a word, she took off her comrade’s sleeve, noticing the sharp contrast marked by what could only be a wound. It seems like a deep cut, with shards reflecting the dim lights visibly exiting from it. Her hair rises on her limbs as soon as she knows what this is about.

“How long do we have left until we arrive?” She demands, in an imploring voice, to the paramedics.

They’re not able to provide a clear time, “a couple minutes left, traffic’s really bad, our apologies”, so she has to deal with it and simply keep Ichihoshi close to her, making sure he doesn’t trip on himself, inspecting for other wounds he could have. Aside from his arm, she thinks she sees a stain on his stomach and another on his right leg, although they’re less noticeable and she kind of sighs in relief to herself about that fact. It must mean they’re less grievous than the one she saw first.

“I really hope he’s gonna be okay…” Ichihoshi whispers close to her ear, back lying against the metal.

The concern she’s tried to hold in until now by thinking of something else and failing to fully do so breaks through the gates and floods her mind again. She has too much to worry about and not enough available space, the scratches on her knees and elbows from the glass shards paling in comparison to the anguish that this ambulance ride is starting to become.

“Same here…” Her voice almost chokes on itself, but she breathes in and out, swallows her pride and her stress in one gulp, and continues speaking as not to betray her actual state of mind. “I’m sure he’ll be fine, he’s pulled through worse, I know it…”

Her hands still enlace themselves in a silent prayer she tries to hide from the world.

“He’ll… be fine. He will be fine.”

She wants to cry.

“You’re right. Surely he’ll make it…”

Anna isn’t lying to reassure herself, merely speaking her truth. Yuuma has always proven himself to being capable of the most daring stunts, even life-threatening ones. While she doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to fully forgive him hiding his tumour away from her for reasons he’s never quite told her about, merely tune down the hurt he’s caused her by taking in account the reasons he did so; she has to use it as proof it should be fine. She only has hope to keep herself afloat now, her reason having fled the scene.

Yuuma is capable of great things, that much she’s sure of. She doesn’t know him entirely yet, and is certain she won’t ever be able to fully understand his character, yet she trusts him with her own life and, in these dire moments, he needs her. He needs her to remain strong and level-headed, to withstand the pressure and the desolation taking root inside her heart. They’ve promised to remain together and be there for each other: it’s time for her to fulfil her part of the trade.

Plus, from the three of them involved in this tragic accident, she’s the only one who has grazes instead of injuries. She also has to keep an eye on Ichihoshi on behalf of both Yuuma and her.

“He’ll make it. I’m certain of it,” she repeats, more to herself than to her friend.

“I’m sure of it too,” he adds, in a similar fashion, and they’re back to both silently pray in silence as time slowly flows before their eyes, like the calm waves of a serene beach coming and going. If she closes her eyes and tries ignoring reality enough, she can almost hear the sea instead of sirens and cryptic whispers.

“And you? Are you okay?” she asks, her hands leaving their praying position, about to inspect her friend.

“I’ll be fine…”

He sounds too unsure to her liking, but before she can even comment on that, the atmosphere changes as she hears in echoes the nearby sirens of other ambulances.

This is when Anna realizes that she couldn’t have been more relieved to see a hospital in her life, making sights she’d have wished never to see again some she was looking forward to: the paramedics shifting around the stretches and talking among themselves in a slightly different way, the monitors displaying new numbers, men shouting in an urgent tone. Almost unbeknownst to them, they were holding each other’s arm for support in dire times, the smell of iron sticking to his skin, her composure coming back despite the tears having taken away some of her makeup.

They’re most likely both ugly sights too, but they’re alive, they’ve arrived, and it’ll all be fine, eventually. For now, they step down from the ambulance, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. Despite the circumstances, neither of them succumb to their darker thoughts and bruises, not a complaint heard despite Ichihoshi grunting in pain from time to time and her lack of balance and remaining strength to carry the both of them without herself panting.

Still, Anna is the Empress, this much she knows; and an empress remains strong, no matter the circumstances. She’ll trust Yuuma and bring Ichihoshi to someone who can help tend to his wounds. That’s her mission and she’ll make sure to accomplish.

#inazuma eleven #mikado anna #ichihoshi hikaru #nosaka yuuma #yuuann #inazuma eleven orion no kokuin #inazuma eleven ares no tenbin #bad things happen bingo #bthb 2 #injury #cw blood #bleeding #ambulance ride #worry #hurt comfort #au: inacafé #plat: morning star #otp: emperor and empress

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blaurascon-kzk · 5 years

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KZK Discord Digest [Week of May 30 - June 7 Pt.1]

SUMMARY: There's a big thing we're doing that I'm gonna split off into its own post so people can directly reference that. Plus this post is gonna be enormous. Pt.2 should be up shortly after this one. It’s been a busy week!

After months of trying to land a rental and a job in VA so they can move, Kat and April have decided, fuck it, they're going - some generous friends will be having them stay there until they're able to find a place of their own. The PODs are already being loaded. Kat will likely not be able to make / release new things for 2-3 weeks while they move and get settled. On top of that, he has to put his cat Ishizu to sleep soon - she's developed kidney failure and the only treatment would involve dialysis and subq fluid injections, so the difficult decision was made to let her go.

To help fund the move, we've put up a lot of our old LEs and plushy avatars, including things like the Darastryx, Mana Machina, and Murk Beast that haven't seen the light of day since their release. The sale will run for a few weeks, minimum. Check it out here: http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Okarthel/181/81/50

The Direwolf plushy is still WIP. See below for a sneak peek (with a lot of color) Direwolf freebie devkit is finished, barring documentation and instructions. Paid devkit will be getting a v1.2 update soon as well. No ETA on their release given IRL circumstances, but rest assured they are coming as soon as possible! Direwolf update is still WIP pending the move. We apologize deeply for the massive delay with this, and want to thank you all for your patience.

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May 30

Kat05/30/2019 @everyone Another quick teaser for the Eastern Dragon coloring page: Noodle derg!

Kat05/30/2019 @everyone Last teaser for today, as this one took me all day to finish, but here's the final result for the Eastern Dragon coloring page. The PSD for it, as well as the Northern will be made available once they are both complete. And a quick reminder, You have until tomorrow night to contribute to my patreon at the 10$ or more level if you want to snag a cool resin crystal! I've got another batch of mail going out in a couple of days to fill recent orders so now's your best chance! https://www.patreon.com/darkecokat

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May 31

Kat05/31/2019 @everyone Amazing how much quicker something goes when you've got less detail to contend with! The Northern and Eastern Dragon pages are done, as per the votes on the most recent Coloring page Poll. You can download all the available pages here: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1PfjTfO0M2a47arowNzhXD7MWxEDeNfgI And here's a preview of the Northern Dragon coloring page! A lone Dragon emerges from its den to greet the emerging spring as the final snowfall starts to melt.

Kat05/31/2019 @everyone Keeping the productivity train rolling. Decided to pick up the Direwolf plush today to break up the monotony of setting up devkit stuff and arting. Here's a preview of one of the steps of making a 3D model. This color vomit is not just awful to look at. It actually serves a very important purpose. Once I've finished the low poly model, I will bake these colors onto it, and my software will be able to use these very distinct colors as a 'Color ID' Mask. It'll save me a bit of time later setting up all the markings during the final baking/texturing phase. Stay tuned for more updates.

Kat05/31/2019 @everyone Been a busy day for announcements the last couple of days. Apologies for nuking your notifications. So update on the job situation.

As of this moment, my fiance and I are on the brink of burning one of our last few bridges with no way of going back. Her job has failed time and time again to work with her on scheduling for travel, and through no fault of her own, could be jobless by the end of tomorrow. Monday she flies up north for an interview, and if they don't hire her, we're out of options. She'll be jobless and we'll be stuck in Louisiana for at least the next six months which is far from ideal.

I say this because I need to start looking forward toward new projects. I'd intended to get the Direwolf update out before I started anything new, but this move has already caused so many delays and problems, that things are now piling up and I need to keep my income stable if I have any hope of qualifying for a place on just my income alone. So I will do my best to get the plush av out, get the freeby dev kit out, then I will be moving forward with production on a new avatar, while simultaneously working on the remaining bug fixes, missing features and general QoL improvements for the Direwolf.

I promised the update, and as usual, I've dropped that ball. For that I am sorry, and I can only hope for your forgiveness and support as my Fiance and I try to transition through this exceptionally difficult time in our lives.

I hate this state. I hate the people here. I hate being alone all the time. This move is supposed to help fix most of that, and putting out new content is the only way I can make that happen. I hope you all understand. Thank you.

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Jun 1

KatLast Saturday at 7:08 PM @everyone Update on the devkit progress: The Paid devkit will be getting a 1.2 release to address some minor issues bugging me, but that's not happening just yet. The freeby kits have been finished. Now I'm penning up the documentation and usage instructions. Those should be available once I get back from Dallas.

Speaking of Dallas, I will be gone for Sunday, monday, and tuesday. Its cheaper for us to book a hotel room and stay two nights to wait for her return flight than it is to drive back and forth (a total of 12-15 hours of driving for two round trips to dallas) so I'll be camping out in my hotel room with my switch and laptop xD. Hopefully I will have some good news on monday.

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Jun 2

KatLast Sunday at 11:13 AM @everyone so.. I will not be going to dallas, as originally planned. Last night my eldest cat ishizu got very sick. I'm sitting at an emergency clinic right now and wont be home in time to join. So please.. do me a favor, send @AprilsaurusRex words of encouragement for her interview. I'm not able to be there to support her on this trip and its tearing me apart.

KatLast Sunday at 1:07 PM @everyone At home now, waiting on news of the blood test results. Doctors had to sedate her to draw blood because she was fighting back so badly. Normally i'm there to calm her down but the clinic was exceptionally busy and I desperately needed food in my stomach. Total costs are already up around $400 for the IV(sever dehydration from constant vomiting), blood work, and the exam fee. that, compounded with the expenses to book the flights for this interview have taken a bite out of my savings so.. expect some sort of sale or something soon. I'm going to use the unexpected next few days home to focus on work. Thank you all for your support, patience and understanding.

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Jun 3

KatLast Monday at 3:01 PM @everyone Going to try to keep this brief today. Lab results came back early yesterday for my cat(I spent all day just.. processing, and... preparing myself for whats coming.). I've been reviewing her bloodwork and doing my best through research to interpret the results, along with the information provided by my vets. Her kidneys are in bad shape, and the only 'treatment' now is dialysis and weekly subcutaneous injections of fluids to combat dehydration. I can barely give her a syringe of chicken flavored medicine, let alone get her to sit still long enough to give her a shot. They had to mildly sedate her to even draw blood so... I've made the soul crushing decision to.. stabilize her for now, make her comfortable, and set a date. She will be buried next to my other animals.

As for moving... My fiance and I decided 'fuck it'. Job or no, we're leaving. Thanks to some generous friends in the area, we've got a place to stay while we find a place to live or while she looks for a job should the worst happen and Geico fall thru. I've already ordered the pods and i h ave 15 days to load it before city officials fine me for the pods overstaying its welcome. That'll arrive on the 6th so.. basically everything's on hold at this point while I move and prepare myself to say goodbye to my beloved Ishizu. I got her as a freshman in highschool. I'm going to miss her. so much. I dont want to put her to sleep but weekly injections, stress, and constantly being dragged to a vet where its cold and sterile and constantly stinks of fear is not how I want her final days to play out. I didn't come to this conclusion easily, and even now I wish there weer another way.

KatLast Monday at 3:08 PM @everyone All I ask is that when you get home, or if you are home.. give your cats, dogs, brids, lizards, snakes, turtles.. whatever animals you share your love with, please just.. give em a hug for me, ok? Let em know they're loved, even if they dont understand it. Thank you all for your kind words.

KatLast Monday at 9:58 PM @everyone As mentioned before, I've opted to put up a bunch of retired stuff for sale. Some of the stuff was sold recently when our car broke down, but some of it, like the freeby will o drakes, the murk beast, and the mana machina, haven't seen the light of day since their initial release. Also available is the darastryx, the winter hunt freebies (wings, horns, tail, ect), and a bunch of LEs released for the Sergals, Fennecs, Raptors, Central Dragons and Rift Dragons. I hate that I have to do stuff like this but I will have no time over the next 2-3 weeks to produce any new content, and this is my best chance at staying afloat financially while the move happens. Thank you. http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Okarthel/181/81/50

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Jun 4

KatLast Tuesday at 11:07 PM @everyone We've been having some major issues with our host, so if you have any issues with a purchase, PLEASE let myself or @Blau know. I will do my best to respond and resolve the issues.

That said, by popular demand I've set up 4 new sets of avatars out that were previously exclusive to preorder or hunt events: This is the LE Fennecs, LE Ferox, LE Kaori, and the Hunt exclusive Rift Dragons. This sale will only go on for a few weeks.

A fond thank you to everyone for their support and kind words. It means the world to me. Ishizu is home with me now, and has spent the majority of today relaxing and resting. She's yet to eat anything, but she's drank a bit. Hasn't used the restroom yet though which has me really worried.

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Jun 5

KatLast Wednesday at 11:08 AM @everyone If you or someone you know has had any issues with deliveries, please drop me a message in SL. I know the alloy was a bit issue (entirely because of a mistake I made), so just drop me a message mk?

KatLast Wednesday at 12:32 PM @everyone If you're wearing a Kirin Alloy and your neck/spine guards attach to your HUD, this is a bug with Firestorm, not the avatar. I've just tested a freshly unpacked copy on the Default viewer and it works just fine for me. So make sure your viewer is up to date, and if it is, send a bug report to the Firestorm devs. Thank you.

#kzk-dd #kzk

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