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prodigious-ladybug · 3 years

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wishmaker thoughts

in terms of it being a single installment in the larger narrative of miraculous ladybug, i don’t have a lot of thoughts on wishmaker other than ‘haha cool someone knows both of their identities at the same time wonder where this will go’ bc like. i am unable to separate myself from the idea that i absolutely cannot judge something (in this case, season- and series-long arcs) until i see it in its Entirety, in its Proper Complete State (which i know doesn’t exactly mesh with television as a serialised art form but jhdfghj wtvr thats a whole other discussion) so i don’t, and won’t, really have an opinion on luka knowing their identities until i see what the show does with it

on the other hand, in terms of its own merits as an episode (as in, the parts of the episode that are self-contained and are supposed to have their own story arc within the 20min) wishmaker was probably one of the weaker episodes of the show? alec’s akumatisation practically came out of nowhere - the show usually does a pretty good job of setting up the through lines that lead to a character’s akumatisation right from the start of the ep (you know, like with actual foreshadowing and good writing and shit) but wishmaker felt more concerned with the interactions between luka & adrien & marinette than having the villain feel natural within the story. which is all well and good, like this episode is about those three and should be focused on luka’s relationship with adrien & marinette if it wanted to have the proper impact of luka finding out their identities, but it just seemed like the episode couldn’t balance being both a run of the mill, monster of the week episode and an Event episode at the same time (that being said, i doubt this episode would’ve been enough to hold its own across a two parter so i get how the unbalance arose). instead of throwing alec’s characterisation out of whack they couldve used his early screen time to lead up to his akumatisation more naturally - surely something about being a tv presenter and having to be fake all the time for a living and not staying true to what his younger self wanted or SOMETHING would like. be putting him down in the dumps or smth. idk. that’s just off the top of my head surely the writers could come up with something more substantial. and yeah this might take away some attention from the emotional core of luka, adrien & marinette but it’d at least 1. tie in with the theme of the episode and 2. set some precedent for his negative feelings instead of him getting akumatised in like. ten seconds hgfdfghjk

the only other thing that kinda rubbed me the wrong way was how wishmaker’s power seemed especially contrived, even for this show? like i Know half of the akumatised powers are to either get ladybug and chat noir to kiss (contrived for the sake of romance which is. generally fine in a romance show and also approved by my shipper brain) or reveal their identities (which actually ties into the plot and the villain’s motivations and therefore makes it...not really contrived) so wishmaker being used to reveal their identities is fine. but um. the leap hawkmoth made in how his powers would do that is. wild. it’s like:

reveal people’s childhood wishes

???

reveal lb & cn’s identities

profit

and again, i know hawkmoth has given an endless list of powers to people that make you think ‘what the fuck was he hoping to accomplish with that?? what did he THINK would happen?’ and i’m all for hawkmoth having dumb plans, being soundly beaten and then having to figure out smarter ways to beat lb & cn, but i guess my problem here is that in this episode he was actually proven RIGHT. like he had no guarantee that lb & cn wouldn’t have childhood wishes a la dino man and mr banana, but he really put out this fairly weak akuma with the immediate assumption that it would reveal their identities and like?? if viperion wasn’t there he’d have achieved it! (well, idk abt ladybug, he’d at least probably hit chat noir, which is. an interesting au to think about). the link between revealing childhood wishes and revealing lb & cn’s identities seemed like a massive leap in logic to me (more than this show usually makes), and idk if anyone else felt that when watching the episode but like kjhdfghjk hawkmoth buddy can you explain your thinking for just a second like i’ll accept what you’re doing i just need to know why the fuck you’re doing it and how you got there

but other than that! i really really liked this episode and i was hyped up the entire fucking time!! i had to keep pausing it bc i was getting overwhelmed LMAO. i guess one thing i will say so that this doesn’t seem like a wall of negativity (which i swear i didn’t mean for it to be, there were only two (2) things i didn’t like about the episode that i felt weakened it, it just takes me a billion words to get to my point) is that however they handle luka knowing their identities in future episodes, i fucking loved the way they handled it in this episode. for some background, i’ve honestly never cared much either way abt luka, i have zero negative feelings about him, it’s just that he has the unfortunate case of not being a character type i particularly care abt, and the writing hasn’t done anything much to endear him to me. he’s fine, and i certainly like him more than other characters, but i’m pretty much as neutral on him as you could get. UNTIL THIS EPISODE! okay not really, something abt him agreeing to be friends with marinette in crocoduel made me go ‘:) what a nice boy :)’ BUT! THIS EPISODE! i’m proud to announce i’m officially a luka stan. LYING BALD-FACED TO LADYBUG? KING. LYING TO LADYBUG AFTER THE SEASON OPENER OF HIM GETTING AKUMATISED OVER MARINETTE LYING??? i am SO here for internal character conflicts YES! this is what i WANT! set up a character who has a strict line in the sand and put them in a situation where they’re forced to cross it anyway, and see what happens next!!!! i really would not mind a whole character study on luka after this. like....the fucking intrigue.......why did he lie, and how does he feel about it? does he regret it? does he consider it a necessary evil? i’m sure all of this will be answered in like. a single line from him five episodes down the road bc that’s how this show handles shit like this but. those last few minutes were really just straight bangers i’m still not recovered

well this was. longer than i thought it’d be. and again, i liked this episode a lot, idk what compelled me to write all this out. i usually don’t have a lot of formulated thoughts like this after an episode of ml; i think that it was just bc there were a couple things i could actually critique in the ep that it made it easier to pick apart my feelings. but anyways!

TL;DR wishmaker, in its self contained elements, felt a bit weak as an episode bc 1. alec’s akumatisation was mad rushed and 2. the way his powers were used to further the plot felt contrived to me (yes, even for miraculous). but, in the episode’s over-arching elements within the season/show, i immensely enjoyed it, primarily because of the amount of intrigue it set up in 1. luka’s characterisation and 2. the possibilities emerging from luka knowing lb & cn’s identities

#miraculous ladybug #ml spoilers #wishmaker #wishmaker spoilers #i really cannot. say anything concisely #anyways this was fun i'd like to write my thoughts out after more episodes but like i said i generally Don't Have Any #like if an episode is good all my thoughts will be 'wow that was good :)'#ml air more duds so i can ramble on forever challenge

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sapphosvioletts · 3 years

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Well my chores haven’t ended up taking too long considering it took me the first 20min to simply find my ear phones 😂

But we were watching the Venom movie!!! I’m not sure if you’ve ever watched it, but I’ve gotten really hyped for the second movie trailers so my mum decided that we might as well watch the first one again in the meantime, so that was fun!!

Oh, and me and my cousin play on our PlayStations together!! We usually spend the first half of our nights playing call of duty and the second half playing minecraft which is always fun

I’m also excited to hear to hear your gonna try and make an axolotl as I think they’re really cool animals!!! Does sound like it’s gonna be hard to make tho, as they’re kinda fiddly shaped - especially with their weird head tentacles which probably have a proper scientific name but idk what it is 😅

And I’m sorry to hear that about your grandad, I obviously haven’t met him but he really doesn’t sound like a nice person from what you’ve said. Especially the fact that he’s most likely gonna be bringing up politics at a family get together that’s just unnecessary

That may be just me though, as I really don’t understand politics and always feel bad when someone brings it up, cause I end up sat there not understanding a word people are saying. In fact I’m pretty sure the most I’ve ever got involved in politics was last year when Donald Trump was the president, and even then that’s mainly because I was getting worried for people who were of colour or in the lgbtq+ community ((or both)) due to all the racism and homophobic/transphobic stuff that was happening

Even then though, that was American politics not my own country politics so probably need to work on that

Either way though, I hope things don’t go too badly, as you really don’t deserve that

- 🦋

omg i felt that like i take more time preparing to do something like chores then actually doing them lmaooo like i have to find my earbuds and then pick the right songs or videos to watch too before i can even do it lol

and i've never seen it!! from what i have seen he kinda creeps me out though lol it's not too scary right though?? he just looks kinda freaky lol??

and that's cool!! i used to play playstation a bit with my bother when i was younger but as older brothers do, he was annoying and rude about it so i eventually just gave up lmaoo we played call of duty but i was terrible at it and i haven't played since i was like 10 lol but i love minecraft!!! i haven't played it in a couple weeks but i definitely got hyeprfixated on it on summer break i spent like all day on it lol hope you have fun with your cousin!!!!

and yeah normally their bodies are shaped kinda weird but this pattern has them a little bit different shaped cause it's not really realistic it's just meant to be cute lol and his gills (at least from the pattern) look pretty simple, but i don't wanna speak too soon bc i'm still only cutting out the fabric and templates i'm not even on the actual assembling and sewing part yet lol

and yeah it's definitely unnecessary lol but i am more into politics, i haven't been as much into it recently because i've just been kinda busy that the last thing i wanna do is pay attention to it lmao but still i watch political content all the time and do still relatively pay attention to it

and i take classes with a college in my state online and one of them is political science so i've taken that for i think 2 semesters?? so like he knows that i actually know about politics but she still tries to argue with me on it and it's gotten to the point that i've just gotten so tired of trying to argue and correct him that i just let him talk at this point case it's not like he's even gonna listen to me anyways

i really want to know more about politics in other countries and i try my best to keep up with them, but it's hard to find a like starting point to start learning about it. but still at least for current topics i try to pay attention to other countries as well because unlike my grandpa, i don't believe that the u.s is literally the only country in existence lmao

but thank you, you're too kind 🥺

#violet replies #🦋 anon

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mirkwoodshewolf · 4 years

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My life, The Doctor; 10th Doctor x Nurse!reader

*Author’s note*

Hey guys I know it’s been awhile but I finally decided to work on another story outside the Queen/BoRhap fandom. Now this request came from @originalposter96 idk if this is your user name anymore but I hope you’ll be able to see it.

NOW WARNING HERE I AM NOT A DOCTOR OR A NURSE!!! So I know absolutely NOTHING about surgeries or anything like that, so this may seem as lazy writing (sorry) but I hope you all still enjoy this fic. So since this does involve the reader being a Nurse there is a hospital involved, surgeries, blood, removing bullets, gunshots, and a slight trigger warning for Domestic violence (not between the Doctor and reader just some side characters).

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@dancingcoolcat

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@ixchel-9275

__________________________________________________________

There have been many wonderous places I’ve been to, many wonderful people and creatures I’ve met. They all come and go in my life, whether through my adventures or by time itself all beings enter my life one way or another. But throughout all my previous lives, every single being in the Universe that I had ever known, one person was above and beyond special.

Her name was (Y/n) (L/n). And she—is and will always be the love of my life.

For a human she was extremely clever, sharp as a whip, but she was also kind, loyal, and the one thing about her is that she never gives up on anyone. As a Head nurse—oh did I forget to mention that? Yes my (y/n) is one of the best Nurses in all of England.

Anyone in her time or even in the future when she finally becomes an M.D. will tell you that she is one of the best. In fact she finds out future cures for worldwide pandemics (of course sometimes her board would deny her research and billions of people perish. Rotten bastards). Anyways, my (y/n) truly is one of a kind amongst the humans and I am glad to have met her.

And won’t she be surprised when she sees me. It had been awhile since I had last seen her (maybe since the day she graduated medical school just a year ago her time) and now with the Cybermen and Daleks taken care of, now’s a good a time to go see her.

I set the coordinates for her time period and flipped the switch allowing the TARDIS to activate and soon going through time and space.

*My POV*

April 14th, 2015, 10:05pm. It had been a long day. 5 surgeries, 3 MRI scans, a cancer treatment report, and 2 women in labor later, I was just about to drop right there on the floor. I was thankful that in like 20min. my shift was gonna be over.

“You look like you’re about to drop dead right on the spot.” I snapped out of my sleepy stage to see my good friend Chrissie Lang. She and I had graduated from the same Med school together, and had most of the same classes together. She and I are each other’s support system cause in this line or work—it can take a toll on you.

I remember this one time this woman came in at 6 months pregnant bleeding profusely from her legs. We both knew that she was suffering a miscarriage so we told to do what her Doctor told us to do, but by the end of it Chrissie was completely destroyed. She always wanted to be a mum and seeing something like that happen made her fearful for even trying to go for a baby with her and her boyfriend.

So for the next ten minutes after helping the woman out, Chrissie and I just held onto each other and shed our tears before we had to brush it off and move onto the next case we had. For those that say being a Doctor or a Nurse is the easiest job to do, they’re liars. The job can hit you not just physically, but mentally as well.

“After 2 days of not sleeping, I just might. Put on my tombstone (Y/n) (l/n). Died with a heart of gold and a stomach of caffeine.”

“That’s true cause I swear girl, you’re probably the most caffeine addicted person I’ve ever met.”

“I can stop whenever I want, these are just choices.” We both chuckled softly.

“Excuse me ladies, but would you mind helping me with something?” a familiar voice said to me. We both turned to our right and standing there with a bouquet of my favorite color of carnations was the Doctor.

“Of course, what can we do for you sir?” asked Chrissie.

“Hey Chris, why don’t you let me handle this?” I suggested.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, besides you’re about to clock out sooner than me, you go on and head home. I’ll meet you there.”

“Okay, see you later (n/n).” she bid the Doctor good evening and he did the same. Once Chrissie left the lobby, I turned towards the Doctor smiling widely as he did the same.

I immediately embraced him and he picked me up and twirled me around, the two of us laughing together.

“Oh I swear every time I come back, you get more beautiful.” He said as he set me down.

“I’m just happy you got to come back at all.” I said as I cupped his face in my hands. His eyes grew soft as he placed his hands over mine.

“I know what I do is dangerous, but you know why I do what I do.” I nodded in understandment.

“I mean hell it wouldn’t be any different if you were human and worked as a police officer or a fireman. Hell we humans live in a dangerous world, anything could kill us.”

“Which is what makes me the Doctor.”

“It does indeed.” I stroked his cheek with my thumb and that’s when he reached for the bouquet he had set down on the front desk and he presented it to me. “You always know just how to cheer me up.”

“Figured you might’ve had a long, rough day. Thought a little color could be used to brighten up your day.”

“It sure did, thank you my love.”

“Anything for you my life.”

That was a thing between us. When we first started dating each other, we had a little code/nickname for each other. I call the Doctor ‘my love’ because ever since he literally dropped from the sky onto my doorstep, he’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met.

He’s quirky, bit of a goofball, can sometimes blow his top but that’s only when something really dangerous happens and he’s under stress (yeah I’ve traveled with him a couple of times during my time at Med school), but he’s also loyal, brave, beyond clever, and he always puts everyone else, especially the human race above himself. For the last of his species, he’s an incredibly selfless person.

He calls me ‘his life’ because whenever things get too hard for him, since he and I have been through some rough stuff due to our day to day life, I always try my best to comfort him. I know that he’s lost people, just like I have on a job, and it’s not an easy thing to get pass.

So we both try to be each other’s support system. We know there is always loss in the world, but the thing is to not let that be the driving point that always controls your life. You can use it to make you stronger, not let it drag you down any further.

“So how has my brave Dr. (L/n) been since I last saw her?”

“You know I’m not a Doctor yet, I still gotta go through the nursing program and then rise up in the ranks before I finally get it.”

“Oh rubbish, you should’ve been a Doctor right as you graduated.”

“Yeah well not according to the chief here.” I muttered annoyedly.

“Honestly though, that old fool wouldn’t know a good doctor if it turned around and bit him in the arse.” I shushed him but couldn’t help myself from giggling softly.

“You can be so cruel sometimes you know that?” he playfully shrugged.

“Only when it comes to people who hurt you.” he wrapped his arms around me and pecked my cheek. “How much longer till your shift ends?” I turned to the clock and responded.

“10 minutes. But…..I could clock out a little early since there hasn’t been a call.”

“Playing hooky ehh? You cheeky little minx.” He grinned like the Cheshire cat. As we leaned closer to each other about to kiss, the doors suddenly burst open and a frantic voice called out.

“HELP! HELP! MY BROTHER NEEDS HELP! HELP!” a blonde woman around her mid 30’s came in holding her brother who looked to be around the same age as her. Quite possible they might’ve been twins cause I could see some similarities on the both of them. Her brother was completely covered in blood and his lips were blue from blood loss.

“Okay Miss calm down. I NEED A STRECHER STAT!!” soon enough the nurses who were still here for the nightshift ran off as I walked towards the two siblings. “What happened?”

“My ex-boyfriend jumped us. He thought—he thought my brother was a new boyfriend of mine and he—he—oh god this is my f-fault!”

“No, no, no Miss this is not your fault.” As I tried to calm her down, the stretcher bed soon came in and a group of nurses helped the man on his back and began cutting away his shirt.

“I’m seeing 3 bullet wounds to the chest and one on his abdomen. Let’s move him!” I get onto the top right of him as we wheel him into the OR to save his life while another nurse stayed behind with the sister to calm her down.

I washed my hands and arms frantically and thoroughly before getting my shrubs and mask on. Already the destine nurses, assistants and now our head Doctor, Dr. Murphy came in and he said.

“What have we got?”

“Four shots in the upper body, two in the lower. He might’ve lost a pint of blood at least.” Answered Nurse Yasmin.

“Maybe 2-3. His BP is dropping fast.” Added one of the male Nurses, Derek.

“Okay, any of those bullets rupture an organ?” asked Dr. Murphy.

“The one in his lower abdomen is just a centimeter before hitting his small intestine. If we don’t get that bullet out first he could bleed out internally.”

“Okay keep an eye on his BP. I need fluids, scalpels, suction tubs, retractors……”

“Lucy….”the man groaned out.

“(L/n), do your thing.” Said Dr. Murphy. I nodded and came up to the man and said.

“Sir? Sir can you hear me?”

“Yes. Where—where am I?”

“You’re at the hospital. Your sister brought you in. Don’t worry she’s okay and told us what happened.”

“Good….good……She’s safe. I—I’d never forgive myself if—” he started fading out.

“Hey, hey, hey sir, sir stay with me now. What’s your name? Can you tell me your name?”

“Barry.”

“Okay Barry, I’m (Y/n) (l/n). My team and I are gonna help you but you need to stay with me for just a bit. Don’t give up on me.”

“It hurts….it hurts so badly.”

“I know, I know.”

“Give him a shot of morphine to numb the pain.” Dr. Murphy ordered. Suzie got the morphine bag and needle ready and slowly stuck the needle into his left arm. Barry hissed and I said to him.

“This’ll help lessen the pain. You won’t feel the pain as we try to get the bullets out of you Barry. But you gotta stay with me, okay?”

“I’ll—try……” he mumbled tiredly. I placed my hand on his cheek and looked up at his vitals and saw his BP was continuing to drop and his heartbeat was going down.

As I looked around me, frantically Dr. Murphy and all the nurses were working together trying to get all the bullets out of him one by one, less we risk him bleeding out as two teams tried to work out a single bullet. With the main one near his intestines cleared, Dr. Murphy and Nurse Helen worked on getting the few out of his upper chest.

All the while Barry kept groaning every now and then and his eyes were fading fast.

“Barry. Barry hey look at me boy. If you can’t do this for yourself, do it for your sister. From what she said about who had done this to you, you need to stay alive for her. What you did was heroic, but don’t let her see that that selfish son of a bitch won. She needs you, your family needs you.”

“I got the blood transfusion he now needs. Thankfully, we had our last bag of B+ in the storage bin.” A young male nurse who had only worked here for a year, Cody exclaimed as he came through the doors.

“Alright, start the transfusion now! We just got the last bullet out and his BP is dropping faster and faster!”

“You hear me Barry? We’re getting you your life back. But it’s gonna be up to you now. Don’t let him be the victor, not tonight! You hear me?” he groaned and looked right up at me and he whispered groggily to me.

“Why do you care so much?” I took a deep breath in and said as I stroked the hair from his face.

“Because so many people everywhere are already dying every day. Some because time has run out on them, others for serving their country, but there are the odds of people dying for now reason whatsoever. Or for stupid reasons that shouldn’t be a reason why someone should have to die, especially if it’s protecting their family member from some arsehole who can’t tell the meaning of the word No. Now your sister is out there waiting for you, if she loses you, she’ll have lost her Ace. Her only friend that has stuck by her through whatever it was that her ex-boyfriend did to her.”

“He…..always was a……selfish prick!” he coughed out.

“I’ll bet he was. But she survived him, and now you’ve got to survive too. Don’t give him that satisfaction that he took a life tonight. Can you do that for me?” he nodded softly and whispered out again.

“You’d make a great motivational speaker.”

“I was on the debate team back in secondary school. If you wanna hear more, you’ll just have to stick around Earth for a little while longer.” After his final stitches were in place, the blood transfusion began and it was then Dr. Murphy had Cody, Darren, and Helen wheel him into ICU. From there, Barry would be monitored 24/7 till he woke up from his post-surgery coma.

Dr. Murphy took off his mask and gloves before turning to me and he said to me.

“Nice job keeping him talking.”

“Just doing my job sir.”

*Doctor’s POV*

Unaware to anyone else, I had snuck into the upper levels to witness the surgery in progress. I watched as (y/n) stayed right by the young man’s side and kept giving him encouragement to stay alive. But not for himself, for his sister.

This. Is why she would one day go down in the medical books as the world’s greatest Female doctor’s. She always put the lives of the people her patient’s love over their own, then psychologically, the patient’s bodies would continue to fight on until finally they would find the strength to recover.

Of course she will have her failures cause that’s life. You can’t save everyone but you can work harder at saving the ones you can save in the future. She doesn’t let one failure get her down, that’s sometimes the curse of being a Doctor. When you lose people, it can really affect you. Even when those closest to you are the ones you lose. Believe me I’ve been there millions of times throughout my 10 life cycles (she’s lucky she’ll only deal with one).

By morning, the lad Barry managed to make a full recovery. His sister, Lucy repeatedly thanked all the doctors and nurses who helped out with saving her brother before giving her statement to the police.

I waited outside by the TARDIS for my beloved Doctor to clock out, and when she finally came out the poor dear looked exhausted. I extended my arms out for her and she gave me a tired smile before collapsing into my arms.

“Just when I thought I could get at least one early night in.” her voice muffled against my trench coat but I still managed to hear her. I softly laughed and rocked her gently as I assured her.

“I know, but hey if you hadn’t been here, that young man would’ve died.”

“Oh you know it was Dr. Murphy as well as a few other nurses that actually did the real operation to save him.”

“True, but you were just as important if not more. You kept him awake and talking.” I shrugged tiredly agree-to-disagreeing. “Now then, I think after a night like that, and from lack of sleep these past couple of days you deserve to be pampered and see the wonders of the galaxy.”

“How did you—”

“Besides the bags under your eyes, I’ve seen the amount of Starbucks cups at your apartment.” She groaned embarrassingly. God this girl and her coffee addiction, truthfully I never understood why humans choose that as their beverage of choice. I myself prefer a good Earl grey or even sometimes Jasmine tea but ugh that horrible bland stuff they call coffee?! Never. Again. Will that drink touch my taste buds.

“Care to show me the wonders of time and space?”

“Need a pick me up boost?” she nodded. I kicked open the doors of the TARDIS and hopped inside before extending my hand out to her saying, “First question is though; do you trust me?”

“Always my love.” She replied with that loving soft smile of hers as she took my hand.

“Then brace yourself my life, because I’m going to show you the sound of the Universe.”

“You mean…..”

“Indeed I do my love, the Music of the Spheres.” Her smile grew wider and I pulled her into the TARDIS before shutting the doors behind her and together the two of us ran towards the consoles of the TARDIS and I punched in the coordinates and soon we took off for the Music of the Spheres.

And who knows where our next adventure would lead after that? So long as I got my love, my life, my Doctor with me by my side.

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coralstudiies · 5 years

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SURVIVAL GUIDE & STUDY TIPS

hello everyone!! this post is a collab with the lovely and amazing @boinkhs because we've both reached 2k followers :D she'll be doing study tips for college students and i'll be doing study tips for high schoolers. check out her post here!

i've split this into part 1. survival, which concerns how to study & learn better in general and just tips on how to get through high school. part 2. is on specific study tips for each type of subject, namely sciences, maths, languages and humanities.

Hope this helps <3

1. Don't snooze please

you just end up snoozing 5 times then you’re late for school

2. If you find you have difficulty getting out of bed, just keep in mind ONE TASK you need to do.

for example, making your bed. then you just gotta focus on that! it should help fight the sleepiness because you’re forcing your brain and limbs to be active.

3. Do the necessary things like brushing your teeth, putting on clothes and eat breakfast

i don’t know why but some people don’t eat breakfast before coming to school like ???? excuse me ???? please eat at least a small snack, or a fruit or something. your body doesnt function on an empty stomach! also, drink some water to hydrate yourself

4. On the road, you should do something that puts you in a good mood.

for me, i go straight to spotify and listen to my playlist. you should also review the previous day’s learning so that you refresh your memory before going back to class. personally this is my fav part of the day HAHAHA

5. If you like, you can choose to read a book.

just make sure you’re calm but ‘warmed up’ to focusing in a sense.

1. Hydrate frequently

idk man it just keeps you awake + i dont feel so icky if i drink enough water

2. Learn actively

if the teacher asks questions, try to answer. sit at the front row. offer to help give out the worksheets or notes. clarify your doubts after. when they speak, copy down notes. don’t worry about the aesthetic; i mean you can but you need to write fast and neat which unfortunately doesnt come together very often. i suggest you spend more brain power digesting and understanding the content.

3. Don’t over highlight

ONLY KEY POINTS that are stressed by the teacher. you can tell when their tone changes, expression changes, when they use more hand motions, or they keep repeating a few key words. yes , that. highlight that. stare at it while listening to them speak. make sure you understand. if you don’t please ask. but make sure you don’t have a fluorescent page because that’s not ideal study material!

4. Write down any questions you have

if they’re answered in the lesson, cancel them off. if not, ask after the lesson. dont be scared! *sends virtual courage*

5. Use whatever free time you have to finish homework

because you’re gonna thank yourself later. you should spend more time at home revising than doing homework. ( doing homework isnt equivalent to revising PLEASE I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY REVISED FOR 3 HOURS BUT ALL THEY DID WAS HOMEWORK ) also it feels better knowing you have one less thing to worry about

6. Record down all assignments, due dates and test dates

do it in a planner or your phone. doesn’t matter just keep them somewhere. it can be demoralising to see an entire entry of shit to get done but still it’s better than not knowing what needs to be done. ignorance is NOT bliss. try to color code or symbol code them, for example • for assignments (due date behind), - for tests etc. act on this when you go home (see below)

7. Have a file/binder some form of organisation to keep different subjects’ worksheets, tests, notes, reading etc.

you can have one massive binder, one binder for each subject, one folder file for each subject or anything that suits you. for me, i clip all materials of one subject together with a binder clip. the materials i use most are at the front for easy reference. then put those bundles into zipper files, perhaps one for math and sciences, another for languages and humanities. or whatever suits you best! make sure you have everything in one place so you don’t panic and dig through a pile of dog-eared paper.

8. If you can, when it’s near the exam period, don’t stay back after school unless it’s to study.

i used to stay back for training and to play volleyball with my friends and i kid you not we would play from 2pm to 6.30 pm and get nothing done but it was fun. and i’m not saying deprive yourself of that fun but when the exams are near, you should be studying somewhere quiet/ somewhere you can focus. you should go somewhere (preferably home) where you can focus and get things done.

9. Decide if you’re a lone wolf or if you need a study buddy/study group

personally i’m a lone wolf because i hate distractions and i don’t want to distract others. but when my friends ask me for help i don’t mind staying back a little to teach them and/or study with them. Personally i find that for subjects like english which require you to write about an array of topics, studying with someone else can help in generation of essay points and to just broaden your understanding of the topic. so yeah it really depends, just do what suits you :)

10. Take notes in class

try to understand while copying, and if you didn’t understand something, you should raise your hand and ask for the teacher to repeat so that you hear it again. also, it gives you more time to take notes as they re-explain the content. read them after the lesson is over to help internalise some facts. you can create your own method of organisation for your notes, e.g. colour coding.

1. Review the day’s learning on the way home.

if you take public transport, try to flip through your notes and worksheets to review new content for the first time.

2. Eat lunch, have a snack, take a shower, everything that’s necessary.

if you use your phone while eating, make sure you don’t eat slowly just to use your phone because that’s wasting time.

3. If you’re super tired, just have a 15-20min power nap

nothing more otherwise you will NEVER wake up until the dead of night. just take a nap to get some energy back. doesnt matter if you wake up feeling more tired, because you’ll shake that feeling in a while. keep a glass of water beside you so that you can drink it once you wake up!

4. Look through your ‘list’ that you made earlier in the day. (in class, pt. 6)

you might want to spend max 10 mins updating your schedule. then stare at the dreaded homework. start with the easiest and least time consuming to build up momentum. this could actually be the remainder of what you’ve finished in school. then look at the due dates. do them in order of due dates. unless it’s a huge project or assignment, you might want a head start on it!

5. With the remaining time, you should start revising

review the day’s learning AGAIN.

make notes/mindmaps/flashcards whatever works for you. you should prioritise the subject or chapter that you were most confused about. quickly revise and try to clear up any questions you have about the chapter. if you have additional time, go ahead and make notes for the next subject! another way is going through corrections and clarifying your doubts with friends/teachers, and summarise the day’s learning on a post-it or two. if you’ve already taken notes in class, look at other sources e.g textbook and combine what you’ve learnt before re-writing or re-organising your notes.

1. Pack your bag!

remove unnecessary materials, and pack the necessary one. make sure your bag isnt too heavy. you can choose to hand carry some files or binders if they’re too bulky, but make sure you’re all packed before the next morning

2. Have a meal & clean up

again, basic necessities. don’t go to bed hungry or feeling icky because thats not how you treat yo self!

Before class:

if you’re going to continue on a chapter, review the content that came before it. Try to make your own connections between the already learnt and to-be learnt content so that you’re mentally ready for class.

In class:

take down notes, highlight, annotate and DRAW DIAGRAMS. you can’t do sciences without diagrams. for physics or chemistry which require more calculation, copy down the problems your teacher goes through and solve them along with him/her. write the formulas on a post it note so you can stick it onto the page where you’re writing for easy reference. if the teacher plays a video which is MOST DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR YOU you have to write only the relevant points in the most abbreviated form possible.

Note-taking:

I find that linear notes help me most in sciences. for chapters that involve lots of interconnected processes, for example o chem, then mindmaps or flowcharts will be helpful. also if you tend to forget something, post-it that stuff on the front page of your notes where you are FORCED to stare at it. yes. write down example problems and their steps, then write explanations for each step so that if you’re confused you can always refer back. again, draw any required diagrams.

Answering techniques:

if there’s a ‘standard’ way to answer it then you have to make sure you follow that way even in your homework because it’s muscle memory. when you get to exams, your hand will automatically write in the same format so you don’t lose marks or spend time recalling the correct format.

imo sciences are quite logical so as long as you remember and follow the flow you’ll be fine!

In class:

copy key terms, facts and examples and write all examples that the teacher has gone through. write all formulas and definitions on a post it, then shift it around the pages as needed. if there’s a type of problem you particularly suck at, ask your teacher for help IMMEDIATELY because it’s so easy to forget the steps to a problem.

At home:

do your homework, do additional practice, correct your mistakes, clarify, and repeat. memorise formulas and definitions (perhaps using flashcards or post its) then practice more and make sure your concepts are strong. there’s no easy way and sadly this is all i can comment.

In class:

copy down notes, think actively, and if you’re given a sample essay you should annotate the heck out of it and keep it somewhere safe.

For essays:

read up more and write up. befriend the best writer in class and ask for their essays. write essay plans and consult your teacher. brainstorm possible approaches with friends. read the news, and copy the links of interesting online articles for future reference. have a go-to list of examples and quotes you can use, for any and every topic. read these like your bedtime story and never forget to keep updating them.

For comprehension passages:

read the questions first. then you’ll be more sensitive to what you need to read in the passage and how you need to analyse it. try to question yourself about how and why the author does something or makes you feel something. do not rush-read the passage or you will fail horribly (personal experience). do one or two extra comprehensions and ask your teacher to mark them.

In class:

ARROWS TO LINK EVERYTHING and annotate any class notes given. write down new examples provided by the teacher. if there is a link you ‘can check out’ go check it out. it’s probably something thats gonna be on the exam.

At home:

you have to rely on mindmapping and flow charts because everything is linked in some way and you cannot ignore those links!!!! although i do my humanities notes in linear form, my in class notes are all in the form of mindmaps. and actually i revise from those in a pinch because i can see everything at one go. watch vids on the concepts, for example plate tectonics. those things are so hard to see when they’re deadass sitting on the page and not budging. watch a video where they really move instead of being frozen.

If you’re so frickin lost:

watch more videos on the concepts, watch more videos on the events, search up interpretations online and ask your teachers!!! for everyone who gets equally lost as me when i’m faced with a new chapter, another way is to pre-read before the teacher starts teaching. if you’re lazy to read just watch a couple clips on it so that at least you have some background. even if you wake up the next day with 0 concrete memory, which you won’t, you’ll already have the flow of things which will help you if you’re usually the straggler.

(disclaimer i study geography although i've tried history and english literature but i think that they're similar to some extent, especially on how to study them)

#study #studyblr #studying #coralstudiies #revision #study motivation #notes #study tips #study advice #studying tips #studying advice #high school #lectures #tips #advice

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live-laugh-larceny · 4 years

Text

So I listened to all of the Side tracks and I thought I’d make a quick summary of each for those who are debating checking them out.

people who say “but these playlists have been out forever” you’re right but I’m fashionably late

They’re listed in order of my personal preference (sorry Virge)

Virgil’s Playlist:

the second-longest at 1h 13 min

pretty much exactly what you’d expect in terms of music- predominantly emo/rock songs

most of the songs seem to be about his past with the Dark Sides and his journey over the course of the series

in my opinion, Virgil’s offers the least new information about his character, as the songs don’t give us much we didn’t already know/wasn’t already implied

my personal favorite songs were Be Calm, Sally’s Song, and Ignorance

my least favorite was Sunrise, Sunset

Even if it was my least-favorite playlist overall, it’s still pretty fun to listen to bc it lowkey slaps

Patton’s Playlist:

the shortest at 1hr 4min

passes the vibe check with acoustic guitar, nostalgia, soft/soothing songs- aura of calm

gives perspective on Patton’s character and outlook on life; there were songs about his tendency to assume the best in people, the love/concern he has for the other Sides, the battles he’s currently fighting with himself/how he’s processing POF, and how he feels about his past mistakes

Like Virgil, there’s not a ton of new information, but Patton’s playlist definitely deepened my understanding and appreciation of him

my favorite song by far was Sad (not really because it was about Virgil- I just really liked the song)

I didn’t have a least-favorite song :D

but if you’re someone who likes stimulating/high-energy music, this is not the playlist for you

Remus’s Playlist

the second-shortest at 1h 5min (you thought the colors would correspond to the Side in question, but they’re actually according to length sorry)

as you would expect, this playlist is... odd. It doesn’t stick as tightly to one genre as V and Pat did. I’m atrociously bad at identifying genres but uhh it has alt pop, rock, and lots of synth/electro-pop stuff idk I’m bad at this

Remus’s playlist basically boils down to the recognition that he’s the only Side who’s truly free, and he revels in it. Also he and Roman definitely have some stuff to work out jeez

It’s also really, really funny. I laughed a lot and I was super entertained listening to it because it’s so bizarre and not-PG and Remus

My favorite songs were In The Room Where You Sleep, Ben Bernanke, Tranz, and Don’t Stop Me Now

my least favorite was probably Queef (I can’t believe I just typed out the word queef jesus christ)

If you’re willing to hear some explicit lyrics, Remus’s playlist is a vibe, if a really weird one

I can’t stop listening to Tranz seriously help me

(I loved Roman, Janus, and Logan’s playlists so much that I can’t choose between them lmao. at this point the ranking becomes arbitrary)

Logan’s Playlist

the third-shortest at 1h 6min

Logan’s playlist has pop, rap, and a surprising number of songs from soundtracks and comedians

Logan’s playlist has a clearly defined arc(!!) It tells a story that will likely be mirrored in the series proper- Logan’s feelings of being ignored come to a tipping point and he lashes out big-time before he finally begins to accept who he is and stop forcing himself to fit the narrow role of “Logic”

I understand Logan’s thought process more now, I think. What really got me, though, was how much vulnerability his song choices seemed to show, especially in the last few songs or so (I’m rhyming :D)

My favorite songs were Algorhythm, The Watchtower, Streaks, One More Time With Feeling, and Time Adventure

my least favorites were Fitter Happier and Human (the latter mostly bc it’s really, reallllly long)

If you’re a Logan stan (or someone who likes him a normal amount), I cannot recommend his playlist enough

Janus’s Playlist

the third-longest at 1hr 12min

the memes are correct. This bitch is jazzy and it’s absolutely fantastic. There’s also a fair number of songs from musicals (Chicago, Hadestown, Cabaret(?), The Jungle Book(?), uh maybe more but I’m not actually much of a theater kid 😳)

come get y’alls Sympathetic Deceit content or whatever the damn tag is called. There’s a lot of good insight into Janus’s motivations and feelings about Virgil (surprise: he misses him), and a few songs about how fun and sexy it is to be evil >:D

like Logan, there’s some hidden vulnerability that comes to the surface and it’s so wonderful. Janus has always seen himself as the protector at odds with the “Light Sides”, and now that he’s been accepted he doesn’t really know how to deal with the change

favorite songs were Black Hole Sun, When The Chips Are Down, As Far As I Can See, and Come Little Children

those songs are all fine and good, but You’re A Cad is fucking amazing I-

no clear least-favorite

Janus wins Most Committed To A Very Specific Vibe. It’s an immaculate vibe, so good for him

Roman’s Playlist

the longest at 1hr 20min (damn Roman ok)

SO! MANY! BOPS! Unsurprisingly, lots of musicals, Disney, and pop

Roman’s playlist gave me so many feelings- he was my “least-favorite” Side but not anymore

yes the playlist is that good (at least to me)

The songs convey how Roman is hopeful, dreamy, excitable, optimistic, and so, so fragile. There are some allusions to Remus that i can’t wait for the series to explore...

I am more attached to my favorites from Roman’s because they SLAP

imo the most rocking songs were Broadway, Here I Come!, Hallelujah, Holding Out for A Hero, Flamboyant, Primadonna, and Cheap Queen (edit: I FORGOT JUMPSTARTED HOW??)

cmon Roman stans ik most of you have listened to this playlist but those who haven’t ITS GOES SO HARD and then gets really quiet and soft at the end 🥺

yeah I think Roman’s is my favorite playlist

That about sums things up! Happy listening! I read through this again before posting it and I just get more and more deranged nice

(Me later today when the team releases Thomas’s or Orange’s playlist: 🤡🤡🤡)

#sanders sides #i fail to shut my ever flapping gobtalker #roman sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #side tracks #roman is so extra #his is so long lmao #i love the side tracks sm #it was a really good idea #cw cursing

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slytherinbangchan · 5 years

Text

Tattoo artist!Changbin~au

Requested~

-Tattoo artist!Hyunjin

-Tattoo artist!Bangchan

Tattoo Artist!Jisung

-Tattoo Artist Minho

-Tattoo artist!Felix

-Tattoo artist!Woojin

Blog’s masterlist

-So you work at a coffee shop.

-Changbin is one of the three guys that always come at 5pm.

-The others are Chris and Hyunjin.

-You know their names basically cause half of your coworkers and lots of your clients are crazy about them.

-They must be on a band or something.

-At least that's the kind of vibe you get from them.

-They all have tattoos, that's kinda hot cause you absolutely L-O-V-E tattoos, so yeah.

-If you think about them that way, then you get why they have so many fans on that coffee shop.

-Anyways. One of your coworkers just squealed, so that must be them.

-They always order the same, except for Chris. He doesn't seem to enjoy coffee or sugary drinks.

-It's funny cause Changbin obviously likes you.

-He always waits till you're free and then he orders.

-Today you can see his friends pushing him so he would ask you something else besides his order.

-He does, he acts confident while asking you about his looks.

-But he blushes the moment you look at him from head to toe.

-'Well, not bad' You say, chuckling. 'But you're holding the line, sweetie'.

-His friends laughing at the back.

-They pat his shoulders as he comes back to them.

-Sometimes they would sit there.

-But most days they leave as soon as they have their order.

-Like today, they just leave and a lot of other clients leave after them.

-Next day you're heading to your job but you leave an hour earlier cause you want to check a tattoo shop near your workplace.

-You look everywhere around when you go in.

-All the different drawings and styles.

-You don't even notice who's there right in front of you.

-'Hey, hi!' That's Chris.

-'Oh, hello. Chris, right?'

-'Yeah, how did you know my name?'

-'I think I've written it in a cup like 5 times this week' You chuckle.

-'Right' He laughs. 'Anyway, how can I help you?'

-You slightly explain to him your ideas and he walks you to Changbin's workspace.

-He's currently working on another person's tattoo right now.

-'Ten minutes and I'm done'

-So you just wait taking a look at his designs.

-At first you thought Chris sent you to Changbin just to mess around.

-But his style actually fits the ideas you explained to Chris.

-The ten minutes pass and Changbin is all free.

-'I've got 20 minutes. It's that okay?'

-'Sure'

-He's massaging his arms and hands as you speak. Must have been working on that other tattoo for a while. It looked kinda complicated.

-You explain your ideas again, and he listens carefully.

-He looks so different form the guy you're used to see at your workplace.

-You two talk for a while about the design and then his next client arrives.

-You have to head to your own job anyway.

-So he gives you an appointment.

-You look dissapointed tho.

-So he asks you what's wrong and you tell him how bad you wanted that tattoo and how the appointment was still so far away.

-He chuckles and gives you his number. 'Text me later and let's see what we can do about it'.

-So you head to the coffee shop.

-Your heart beating faster.

-You're practically running and you didn't even realize.

-What's wrong with you?

-He looked so different at the tattoo shop.

-So focussed.

-He was so passionate about the ideas for your beloved tattoo.

-That single thought makes you weak.

-How dares he looking that good as he was working on that other tattoo.

-Anyway. It must be just the excitement about new ink on your skin.

-The hours pass at work and soon enough it's 5pm.

-You're just back from your 20min break when the guys come through the door.

-Your heart racing.

-The hell is wrong with you today?

-That guy should be the one having his heart racing because of you.

-You look around.

-But Changbin is not there.

-You feel kinda sad.

-Hyunjin jokes around after he places his order.

-'Poor Changbin, he can't have his coffee today'. He says.

-'Yeah, some mean client wanted to skip our work schedule'.

-What are they talking about?

-'We're just kidding y/n. It's not your fault'. Chris says.

-'I honestly don't know what you're talking about'.

-They laugh. 'It's nothing. Changbin stayed at the shop working on your design'. Hyunjin says.

-Your heart skipping yet another beat.

-'Just call him later okay?' Chris says as he grabs his order.

-Again, you're running home instead of walking without even realizing.

-This time you're so hyped about your tattoo design.

-You text him as soon as you're home.

-He text you back the design.

-And it's so perfect.

-He also tells you that he can tattoo you earlier but it has to be on his free time cause he still has no free spot at work for a month.

-You feel kinda bad for making him work on his free time.

-But he tells you it's totally fine like a million times.

-So you end up accepting.

-He texts you his adress and you meet him next day.

-He looks so good wearing all black.

-You follow him to his room. 'Sorry, I don't have a tattoo chair here so...' He points at his bed.

-'Oh, ok'. You say, then you sit.

-'Just make yourself comfortable'.

-You're blushing for some reason as he prepares your skin for the print.

-'S-so, how long have you been tattooing?' You ask.

-’Not that long, a couple years’.

-Just two years? But he's so good at it.

-You look kinda tense so he starts some convo.

-He asks about your other tattoos.

-Also wants to know more about the one he's making.

-But then the conversation goes to other places.

-And you end up talking about all those years you were part on a musical back on your hometown.

-And he tells you about his friends calling him 'baby Changbin'

-Which you find utterly cute.

-But after a while you just stop talking.

-And boy does he look cute.

-All focussed on making every stroke perfect for you.

-But after a couple more hours those needles on your skin are starting to make you feel dizzy.

-And he notices how hard you're trying not to move or complain.

-'Are you okay? We can stop for a while.' -He asks.

-'I'm okay, just a little dizzy'

-He hands you a bowl with chocolates. 'These will help'

-'Thanks'.

-'Rib tattoos hurt like hell. But you already know that, right?' -He slightly passes one of his fingers over your old tattoos.

-Oh god, now there's butterflies on your stomach too?

-You grab his hand so he'd stop. 'yeah, I'm okay, really. I just can't control my body getting dizzy. But I can actually stand the pain'.

-He laughs. 'Tough girl, huh?'

-You blush. 'W-what?

-It's okay, it's kinda cute you're worried I may think you're not as tough as you look.

-'I'm not?' you laugh. 'Hey, you're the one stalking me at work. I don't think I have to impress anybody here'.

-'Ouch' He chuckles. 'Am I that obvious?'

-'Nah'. You laugh too. 'Your friends tho...'

-He laughs again. 'Yeah, well... But you know, since cards are already on the table...'

-That's when he actually asks you out on a date.

-You pretend you're thinking about it.

-But obvs you say yes.

-A couple days later he comes pick you up after work.

-Your coworkers can't believe what they're seeing.

-You go for a walk and it's so funny cause his aura looks so dark.

-People don't even look at you two cause he's so intimidating.

-And you're loving that cause you actually hate people looking at you.

-The moment you grab his hand he squeals and you laugh to yourself.

-He's indeed 'baby Changbin' to you.

-But for the rest of the world he's that tattoo artist with the cool dark aura.

-After some dates he asks you out for realsies.

-And honestly you spend most of your time together making out on the couch.

-Or eating junk food while watching something on tv.

-Just cuddling.

-Sometimes you go out for a walk or to do something outside.

-But you both always end up on his house, or yours.

-Mostly his.

-Cause for some reason you find it hot to have all the tattoo equipment around.

-Lately more than ever you can't keep your hands off eachother.

-Like maybe you're doing the dishes together but you end up on the kitchen floor 'doing eachother' instead.

-Or you are at the movies and your hand wanders to his crotch.

-So you can't finish the movie cause he would drag you out and fuck you inside one of the bathroom stalls.

-You've been banned from a couple places.

-One of them being Chris's house.

-But you just can't help it.

-You like him so much.

-He would die for you too tbh.

-Sometimes you can't see him more than twice a week.

-And you get so sad.

-You miss him so much.

-And half of your clothes smell like him cause all the time you spend cuddling.

-So you miss him even more.

-He was the first having a crush on you.

-But now you can't live without him.

That’s it!! I’m thinking of making a tattoo artist!series with Bangchan and Hyunjin since they are part of this au already. Hope you enjoyed this one~

#Changbin #seo changbin #tattoo artist au #changbin imagines #changbin scenarios #changbin smut #smut #changbin fluff #stray kids smut #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids #3racha smut #3racha #Spearb #bulleted scenario #bullet scenario #headcannon

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ladywinterwitch · 4 years

Text

New part, update and Endings, Begginins

Hi everyone, the fifth chaper of Run Away is out and you can find it here.

I know it’s been a while, but I’m kinda struggling with writer’s block right now even if I already know where the story is going. I’ve been having a lot of ideas but I hadn’t had the will to start writing anything yet. But I’ll try to force myself to do it, usually you don’t really want to do something until you begin it lol.

Wanted to wish a very late happy Easter and Hanukkah to who celebrated it and a safe Ramadan for whoever respects it.

And that’s it on the updates and stuff. Now I just wanted to spend a few words on Drake Doremus’ new movie Endings, Begginings which stars Sebastian Stan, Shailene Woodley and Jamie Dornan. So if you’re not interested, this is the time to stop, so thanks for reading and hope you’re staying safe, see you in the next one <3

Before reading, I will not tell anything about the actual plot or describe in detailed way any scene, but more about the technical aspects. But if you consider them as spoilers you’ve been warned.

I wanted to do this for two main reasons: the first is that I actually enjoyed it very much and I’ll explain why in a sec, and second is that I’ve seen way too many people shitting on the movie without even seeing it first and judging it and Ikd if your parents ever taught that to you, but you shouldn’t talk if you know nothing about the subject, or at least be respectful. No one tells you that you have to like/agree on something, but you can easily express your opinion without being an ass.

That being said, a few words on the movie.

First off, the plot isn’t particularly original or complicated because it wasn’t the purpose of the movie. The complexity and orginality of it consisted in the representation of the human psychology and emotions, which were beautifully and realistically portrayed by the actors, props to Shai and Sebastian especially.

The dialogues were more natural and not as ‘staged’ as the normal movies usually have because basicallu 70% of it was improvised. Some might think that the acting was bad, but it’s really not. Just because we aren’t used to it doesn’t mean that it’s bad. If you think about it, in real life you don’t act based on detail-programmed actions and you don’t live with witty comebacks. That is if you think before speaking lol.

Some parts could be considered plot holes in some situations but if you pay attention and think about it you’ll realize that it’s not true. The focus is on Daphne’s character, everyone and everything else is a background. We see that there are things going with the secondary characters but we never dig into it because it’s not their story. If you realize it, Daphne is always on the screen. There aren’t scenes where you see other characters that aren’t her talking. You see them, but from afar, from an outer person’s prospective. That’s a directorial choice.

Props also to the sex scenes, which in my opinion were some of the best I’ve ever seen in movies or tv shows. Why?

First, they’re messy. The actors aren’t all dolled up and are shown with sweat, messy hair, redness, flushed cheeks.

The music is almost non existant, which leaves space to their noises in a non vulgar way, but in a natural one (and hotter, imo).

There is foreplay before the ‘clue moment’ and there is a clear question for consent, which is very important.

The act itself is shown in a non necessarily romantic way, which usually in movies is exasperated in both directions (either it’s romantic-love-of-your-life love making or wild-casual-comic sex).

There is one aftercare scene, which I’ve never seen before on screen which really made me say ‘fucking finally’ because believe it or not some people don’t even know what to do to respect both basic hygene and the other person.

They aren’t excessively long and do not become the focus of the movie. The scenes are four in total and Shailene Woodley isn’t being sexualized in any of them.

There isn’t unnecessary nudity shown and for once the male one is more than the female one, but still in a very erotic and sensual kind of way and not like a fucking porno.

Some other stuff that I liked were the music, the shots, the editing (which in some cases could’ve been done a bit better, but considering the fact that he had to work with like 20min straight of improv, he did a good job.), the filter (which in some scenes was bit dark, but it was linear with the rest of the movie, so it’s okay). The acting. Everyone seemed really genuine and in particular Seb and Shai were really good (even if I didn’t liked Frank’s character, I understood him).

You do not get to pick sides. There aren’t people who are either good or bad. They are not written characters but actual human beings who have shades of grey and aren’t just balck or white. Which happens when poeple are written well, but here in some way it feels more genuine and raw which gives the movie its unique tone. I’ve been going back and forth from hating, to linking, to understanding and disapproving Daphne for the whole movie. Same with the others, but a bit less simply because they didn’t have her same screen time.

And even if I prefer Jack over Frank, Sebastian did a better job than Jamie (I like him in general and he was good here too, I just felt more from Seb). He didn’t have a lot of screen time and his actions were quite questionable, but nonetheless he was able to communicate a lot of him without even speaking. Like we know that there’s more to him than what we see even if it’s non explicit.

The last thing I’m gonna talk about is the message of the movie, which is clearly said in this quote that Daphne says ‘You may not be okay, but it’s okay. You are exactly where you’re meant to be. You are loved.’ and this other one (out of context, so it’s not a spoiler) ‘You know who’s gonna be the next to love you? You.’ And the aim was mainly to represent human complexity and making people understand that like Sebastian said ‘Good people can do bad things and bad people can do good things.’. Everyone can fuck up, but they can also learn, improve and grow from it.

Okay I’m done lmao, hope this wasn’t a total boring rant. Anyways, I really recommend you to watch it. Also, feel free to share your opinion maybe if you already seen it.

I remind you that the new chapter to Run Away is out, and you can find the series masterlist here, and my main masterlist here. Feedback is always really appreciated.

Stay safe, and hopefully this mess will be over soon. Bye x

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northernscruffycat · 4 years

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MY HERO ACADEMIA! :D

I've only seen up to ep47 so far, so all of this is subject to change :D

the first character i ever fell in love with: DEKU. He's exactly the sort of caring, good boy protagonist trying his best that I'm a sucker for.a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: My feelings have stayed pretty consistent up to now.a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: Haha, same as the last two answers - I'm so new to this that so far none of my shipping opinions have changed yet.my ultimate favorite character™: I currently do not have one? There's a lot of characters I like and feel strongly about, but I feel like my ultimate fave hasn't shone through yet. I do like Aizawa, All Might and Deku a lot thoprettiest character: Momo is super pretty I just wish they'd dress her in something that isn't just fanservicemy most hated character: Mineta of coursemy OTP: so far it'd be easiest to just say I like the dekubowl and we'll see which member of the bowl becomes my absolute fave to ship with Deku in time.my NOTP: Mineta/anyone. He's not invited to the dekubowl. He's also not invited near any of the girls.favorite episode: Hmmm idk yet? The pacing in this series is a bit unusual? It feels less like there are episodes and more like each season is one giant episode that the writers just cut up into chunks when they need to break for the next 20min timeslot?saddest death: not a death, but Todoroki's backstory might genuinely be the saddest and most messed up thing I've seen in a long timefavorite season: The tournament season was really good, the first season was really good, the training in the wildness season was really good and the one i'm on rn where bakugou has been kidnapped is really good. I just like most of this series a lot, it has a good balance and even the parts I liked less can be breezed through quickly.least favorite season: For some reason I found the arc where Deku was being trained by that old man really boring? But I dunno why though, since there was a lot of focus on Deku, Todoroki and Iida who I love.character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: Do people like the villains? Cuz I've not been interested in them so far.my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: OKAY SO HERE'S THE THING. Here is. the thing. I went into this series fully expecting to hate Bakugou. He's the kind of character who I usually hate, after all. But so far I've found him really entertaining? I want to hate him, but I can't. I think maybe it's because both the series itself and all the characters in the class are aware of how awful he is and it isn't glossed over. idk I feel like I prefer insufferable asshole characters when the narrative is aware that they're exactly that. So yeah, Iiii kinda like Bakugou. A lot. haha...my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: EVERY FUCKING FEMALE CHARACTER. I'm so mad because for the most part I'm (sadly) desensitised to how anime treats girls, but in this series in particular it annoys me how dishonest it is with it? Like, it'll build up characters like Uraraka and Momo to seem like they're important and are going to get good development, but then they're always shoved to the sidelines and reduced to just fan service. Tsu got a whole episode to herself, but it wasn't connected to the main plot at all and then later on they do that gross blowjob gag with her even though she's a 15 year old kid. Not okay. Also, the two main female pro heroes we've seen so far (Midnight and Mt. Lady) both have powers based on being sexualised. It's frustrating, cuz this series would be near perfect if only it cut out this crappy fan service and let its female cast have plot relevance.my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: ........BakuDeku.............my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: I've recently started shipping Uraraka/Tsu, Uraraka/Iida and Iida/Todoroki, so I'm sure I'll like all of these more as I see more of the characters.

#*Talking #*My Hero Academia #long post #101flavoursofweird

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itsclydebitches · 5 years

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Endgame Thoughts (Spoilers Below!)

I just came out of Avengers: Endgame (yeah, late to the party as usual) and though I definitely don’t have the energy for a full-blown post, I feel compelled to at least throw out a few cursory thoughts. The franchise deserves that much, though it’s perhaps because we’ve had a nearly decade long, 22 film extravaganza that I’m feeling pretty burned out on the Marvel front now.

I legitimately enjoyed the film. Three hours flew by like that and I’m honestly amazed that Marvel crafted a story where I never once snuck a glance at my phone, wondering how much more I had to power through. That being said, I found myself feeling tired over the course of those three hours. Not what you’re looking for during the action-packed, epic conclusion to a franchise. I got tired because within the first 20mins I realized that Captain Marvel was not going to be the badass savior that Fury’s page implied she would be. I was weary when Nat tried---and succeeded---to kill herself in Clint’s place because, as it’s heavily implied, she doesn’t have a family to go home to (bringing back the horrific trope of forced sterilization and women’s supposed inadequacy when they can’t bear children). Nat supposedly doesn’t have a life, something she admits to Steve earlier in the film, and instead of letting her discover one at the end of the series the story takes her “You first” and makes it real. Steve lives the life he always wanted; Nat is left broken at the bottom of a cliff. By the time we reached the ham-handed, token, narratively ridiculous ‘Girl Power’ moment of the final battle I was downright exhausted. The silver lining there is all the little girls in the audience who aren’t going to pick up on how clunky that was. I’m glad they’re cheering. Or anyone else for that matter. I think the “FUCK YEAH!” and “Omg they’re not really...” responses can exist simultaneously.

Don’t get me wrong, Endgame has a lot of good going for it. Nebula was an unexpected bright spot of well-rounded complexity. Frigga gets to give Thor the pep-talk he always needed (nicely contrasting the one Odin gave him). Carol does take down Thanos’ ship. Marvel’s treatment of women is improving---props there!---but for the epic finale there’s a distinct sense of “Too little, too late.” Especially when we compare these token moments with Marvel’s everyday normality. When nearly all the MCU’s women heroes come together in a show of undeserved solidarity (most don’t even know each other. We understand in this moment that the support is solely because “Yeah women!” and, sorry, but that will always feel like pandering) it’s enough to make you cringe. Or at least heave out a heavy sigh. In contrast, when a large group of men have each other’s backs... that’s literally just the rest of the film. When Nat dies to save trillions she gets a short grieving scene by a lake. When Tony dies to save trillions mourners across the multiverse show up en masse to pay their respects and the film makes it clear that this is what’s meant to gut us. If you’re going to cry, do it now.

And for those thinking, “Well of course his death scene is bigger and better. He’s the heart of the MCU while Nat is just a side character,” that’s entirely my point. The men are the center of this universe and though at the very (very) tail end of things Marvel tried to slap on some fixes to that, those fixes can only take us so far.

Endgame is a film that perfectly ties up this era of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and that’s great! But as a woman watching---and who has been watching faithfully since 2008---it was also a stark reminder that this franchise was never really made for me.

I’m hoping the next wave continues to do better.

#endgame spoilers #endgame #avengers endgame #avengers engame spoilers #marvel #mymetas

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magistralucis · 5 years

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Ed Banger House Party @ Electric Brixton, 25 Jan 2019 [Review]

😍 Fucking fantastic you funky little Frenchmen... 😍

This was a very wild night. I can’t quite believe I survived it, even as I finish off writing thousands of words about it. It’s probably the most detailed review of a concert or show I have done to this date. I finally saw Sebastian in the flesh, was treated to over eight hours of sweet sweet music, and feel that I have begun my Ed Banger-related pursuits for this year in the perfect way.

And the loot. The sweet, sweet loot.

Read on for more. Mobile users, be warned this is a very long post.

The Journey

If you’ve read my other gig reviews you know the drill: I don’t live in London, have to commute there from wherever I’m living at the moment, London is difficult to navigate. But I had no trouble with my journeys this time, there were no Underground closures, and this venue was exactly the same one as the TBB show two years ago. Nothing to report there, only that I give props to our driver. There was an accident on the motorway, about 25 mins into a 2hr 20min journey. He took us on a thirty-mile detour to avoid the scene of the crash and still got us to London in time. If you’ve ever been on a National Express coach, you know what a big deal that is.

That wasn’t the only accident we stumbled upon in our journey, somewhere in Croydon (part of Outer London for non-UK readers) there was an altercation between two drivers and something like thirty police officers were present. It is rare to see that many police officers on scene for a single collision, so I wonder whether something more sinister was going on. All of them were wearing fluorescent vests and they reflected the light of the traffic most gloriously for a ten-meter stretch of the pavement. It was very attention-catching. I like to think they shared the same general sentiment of (o_o ) when they looked over and saw an entire busful of people goggling at them, but that’s neither here nor there. It was around 8:30PM when I got to London, and I spent some time lingering in the train station before making my way to Brixton.

I like queuing up early. I had no idea what I was going to find there.

9:20~PM: If you follow Thibaut on insta you might have seen this.

This instastory. It’s not obvious, but these three were far from the only ones in this picture. I know this because I FUCKING WALKED IN ON THIS PHOTOSHOOT. THESE THREE WERE NOT THE ONLY PEOPLE THERE. THIS WAS A VIP GROUP SHOT SESSION WITH 25+ PEOPLE OUTSIDE ELECTRIC BRIXTON AND I NEARLY BARGED IN AMONGST THEM LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING IDIOT

I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! ;A ;

I’ve met my favourite bands spontaneously. Gone for signings. Received compliments from Rammstein. I’ve shaken hands with Xavier. But I’ve never just happened upon an entire group of my favourite people engaged in a situation not meant for ordinary fans. I was honestly more terrified than elated. I knew they were VIPs because they (all DJs included) had blue wristbands on which allowed continued re-entry into the club, instead of the usual red club stamp on the back of the hand. Later in the show I recognized two of those people as stage photographers. Pedro was closest to me, Irfane passed by (he had very vivid eyes, even under poor lighting), and around the right-hand side Thibaut was putting his arm around Sebastian. I may have seen Vladimir Cauchemar unmasked. Shit was surreal.

This could potentially have been a good place to greet Sebastian zdravo. Unfortunately there’s a time and place for such things, and a VIP photo session I wasn’t involved in was not one of them. (Electric Brixton isn’t known for facilitating after-show fan meets either, due to the club’s structure and how everyone has to be herded out at the end.) Even if it were just the Ed Banger folks milling around, I'm not sure if I’d have been able to approach them in this case. ‘Cause ultimately, I am just an Animal Experiencing Fear, and I was caught so off guard; I stepped back and pretended I had nothing to do with the area. At least that way I could gather my thoughts and continue to observe.

I can tell you this entire moment took five minutes from 9:23pm to 9:28pm, but only because I checked my phone later. I didn’t want to take it out in the moment because I got paranoid they’d think I was a creep. As the phones and cameras were put away and normal conversation resumed I looked up and saw Sebastian five steps in front of me.

You know that recent Seb + Vinco picture. Hang on I’ll find it. You know the look Seb has in that pic?

That. That is his actual gaze. That is what Seb actually looks like when he has nothing to pose for and nobody to speak to. Unless something mind-boggling was happening in the empty space several feet away from where I was standing, that’s his normal nothing-to-see-here expression. At one point we met eyes. I think he blinked like once. You can’t tell his eyes are blue even from a short distance. He looked down, exhaled vape smoke, and bit his lip. Then someone (Myd?) ushered him into the open doors. And that’s how I accidentally stumbled upon the Forbidden Ed Banger Content, and while I was excited at what I saw, I think I’d prefer a do-over in the future. When they’re not all engaged in other business, when I have a pen and an adequate surface, and when I am not a fool with poor timing.

Also Sebastian was not as tall as I thought he was, but also far from short; Irfane was taller than I thought, but visibly shorter than Thibaut; Thibaut was taller than I thought, but no match for Pedro, whose height continues to boggle my mind. I have seen all of those people before, save for Sebastian. Pedro I have seen multiple times, with multiple people, in multiple contexts. Yet I still have no grasp of how tall anybody is in this label.

I don’t know what that implies about my visualization skills. At this point, I’m too scared to find out.

9:33PM: I’m going with this timestamp because that’s when I noted down that security cleared out completely with the VIPs, closing the front doors behind them. A girl comes up near me and stares at the venue, the ‘Ed Banger Records’ written in lights, then at the queue barriers (not open) for some time before turning to me. There were maybe five people altogether waiting.

Girl: Excuse me, is this the queue for people with tickets?

Me: I don’t know. We might be queuing to find out where the queue is.

Girl: [To a freshly emerged security guard, holding a sandwich.] Excuse me, do you know if there’ll be tickets at the door?

Security guard: [Incomprehensible - he’s speaking at close distance and a bus is freshly pulling up behind me, so I can’t hear them. He goes inside and shuts the door as soon as he says his piece.]

Girl: He doesn’t know. What am I going to tell my friends.

Me: Oh my God did you not get tickets.

Girl: My friends did! I was meant to get in early and get the drinks and stuff oh my God I DIDN’T KNOW THEY WERE GOING TO BE SOLD OUT 😰

Me: DIDN’T THEY SAY THERE WOULD BE A LIMITED RELEASE THOUGH 😰

By this time we’re both mired in anxiety.txt and others were coming forwards with the same experience. A group of three girls who got there shortly after me were all waiting for door tickets, and a guy came along who had a ticket for himself but was trying to get his friend (Asian girl, very pretty) in. (I will see this friend repeatedly throughout the show, but not the dude.) Eventually we looked up what the Electric Brixton website had to say, and gathered that a very limited number of tickets were available and they were all here at the right time to purchase it. As far as I know, everyone there got in without trouble.

First release tickets were £15.00. Later I was told it was £25.00 at the door.

Yeesh.

9:50PM: They finally open up the queue barriers. I’m fourth. Several of us in the line take a poll on who we’re here to see:

Pedro: ///

Breakbot: //

Sebastian: ////

Riton: /

Vladimir:

Myd: /

‘Everyone’: //

‘I’m here because of my friends’: /

The girl in the above section answered with the last one. Ed Banger rookie. Writing this now, I’m sure she had the time of her life.

I say Sebastian. Two guys in front of me nod sagely. One of them wears a Woman Worldwide T-shirt and a Justice logo jacket. We mutually express wonder that Seb’s, like. Doing anything again. At this point, however, the queue is split into two: ticketed and buying at the door, on the opposite end of the entrance. The girl and I say farewells as she departs for the latter. Unfortunately, I do not get to see her again. It’s a shame. She was lovely.

9:55PM: Security emerges with QR code readers and club stamps and starts to call us in go go go go go go go go

9:58~PM: The bouncer initiating pat down pauses over my portable battery for a very long time, seemingly considering whether that’s legal. Fuck my life. Eventually, though, he lets me in and I s p r i n t for the bar.

It has begun.

A note before I start: like the XOYO gig review last year, this review has been composed via rough notes, photos, and videos I took through the show. It was a longer night than last year, and everyone played for a lengthy period of time; this review is thus split into six sections, one for each DJ, including timestamped observations and photos/gifs of the night.

The gifs are taken from my own videos. Unfortunately, Electric Brixton’s setup made photography difficult for three reasons: 1) an abundance of flashing lights, 2) the elevation difference between the dancefloor and the DJ booth, unlike in XOYO where there was no audience-DJ divide, and 3) smoke machines, as well as actual vapers in the form of Sebastian Akchoté. Those three things make a mess onscreen, so images are potato quality compared to where I was (front center). This was a constant problem during the night, so instead of complaining about it with every DJ, I’ll just refer to this as the I Cannot See For Shit (ICSFS) syndrome and call it a day.

Busy P (10PM to 11:50~PM)

10PM: Mother fucking sons of bitches raised the price of water!

As mentioned in the TBB review, a 500ml bottle of water at Electric Brixton was £3.00 in 2017. (Even in 2019, at a supermarket it can be as little as 55p/500ml.) Harsh, but it is what you’d expect from London. But when I came back they’d raised it to a whopping £3.60. You could buy yourself a meal with that kind of money, albeit a small one, even for London. Disgusting.

But what can you do with something as necessary as water. I did expect it. I’m sore about it, is all.

10:05PM: Restroom visited, water bought and tucked into bag, jacket tied around waist. I was wearing armwarmers. I take my place by the barriers, front row center, with a guy on my left and an empty space on my right. Left-hand arrangement will not change during the night, while on the right it will be chaos.

10:10PM: Very superstitious / nothin' more to say / very superstitious / the devil's on his way / thirteen month old baby / broke the lookin' glass / seven years of bad luck / good things in your past

This is my first video of the night. Might upload it later.

10:21PM: USE IMAGINATION 💫 AS A DESTINATION 💘 USE IMAGINATION 💫 AS A DESTINATIoOoON 💘 USE IMAGINATION AND COME CLooOoOSER 👄✨ 👄 FOREVER BEEEEE 😘 😘💋

‘Pleasure’ summons the two dudes I was talking to in the queue to my right, especially the Justice fan guy. They stuck with me through Pedro’s set.

10:30~PM: Pedro looks a lot happier than he did at XOYO last year. He’s interacting a lot with fans, smiling, bopping about the way we have all come to expect from him.

10:40PM: I see the first glimpse of another DJ hanging around at the back. It’s Myd, drinking in a corner.

10:50PM: Is that what I think it is. I think it’s what I think it is

10:51PM: POP THE GLOCK THE GLOCK YOU POP IF YOU OUTTA LINE IT’S YOU I’LL BANG POP POP THE GLOCK THE GLOCK YOU POP IF YOU OUTTA LINE IT’S YOU I’LL BANG POP

Fantastic to hear some Uffie in the mix. I missed her so damn much. I think I might upload that clip as well because I want to share the experience with y’alls.

10:54PM: Thibaut jitterbugs into the scene. The lighting’s too bad for a photo so I post about it on the hellsite instead.

11:19PM: The display in front of the DJ booth has remained constant until this point, displaying the Ed Banger logo with only the occasional change in lighting. But now the display suddenly starts changing. Check it out.

It got really trippy with Breakbot.

11:29PM: ‘Genie’ comes on. I can see Thibaut and Irfane at the back now, ready to take over. I take my first drink since I entered the club.

11:52PM: HE PUT ON ‘BURNIN’. HE ACTUALLY DID THAT.

Pedro picks up the mic at this point and greets us for the first time during the night. I have what he said on video but it’s hard for me to transcribe it over all the audience noise, it might have to be an upload later on; I have videos of most DJ-DJ segues of this night, so hopefully that should be an interesting exercise. According to the timestamp on this video, 11:52-53PM is when Thibaut put on the headphones and took over from Pedro, but he continues to linger

11:55PM:

just so he can cOMPLETELY LOSE HIS SHIT APPARENTLY.

Breakbot (Thibaut and Irfane) (11:50~PM to 1:30AM)

12:00AM: At midnight Thibaut and Irfane take over fully with ‘Break of Dawn’. There’s something wild about listening to people sing a song with no lyrics (da DA DA DA darararaRA).

12:05AM: Irfane was on serious mode all night. I’ve also realized that the light situation is not going to get better; if it was Pedro alone I could have forgotten about it, but Breakbot’s set was where the ICSFS got really, really bad. There are so many photos where I tried to capture beautiful moments between Thibaut and Irfane, as they were quite touchy with one another (not as much as they were at XOYO tho), and yet it all turned to shit. I’m so sad.

12:10~AM: The two dudes to the right of me leave. The music is most funky fresh and the smoke machines are on max, so much I cannot actually see either of the DJs on scene. A girl wearing light blue takes over to my right.

I think Electric Brixton has reached full capacity. It’s not a big venue, fitting only about 2000 people or so, but I can feel it in the air. I look behind me and all around me are unfamiliar faces, packed tightly in a crowd. It’s hot. I take off my armwarmers and cram them into my bag.

12:16AM: Irfane baby I love you but that was not a smooth segue.

(I don’t actually know what song he was on but the music like. Stopped 100% for a second. It didn’t sound intentional.)

12:25AM: I have a note on my phone that says ‘12:25 Pedro making heart’. I have no memory of this. Fangirl magistralucis what are your secrets.

12:30AM: you 😍💖 are all I think about 😍✨😍✨😍 keep me sulking and down 😘👇🏼 but you fill me with 🔥 so much 🔥 emotion 😳💖😳 and I’ll show my 🙏🏼🕊💐 devotion 💐🕊🙏🏼 to you ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

12:31AM: I cannot see for shit. Here have a light show I guess.

12:36AM: Dance, dance with me / Life's a fantasy / Stand next to me / Like ecstasy

12:48AM: Irfane puts on ‘Funkytown’. Thibaut dances beautifully. I’ll drink to that.

12:51AM:

What the hell is this?

1:07AM: Extra, extra, read all about it! The Mysterious Ninth Planet, located at last! Turns out it was in the hands of funky Frenchmen all along, who were hoarding not just the ninth planet, but ALL THE PLANETS

1:08AM: You may have seen what was happening during the above in Irfane’s instastory, actually. He put on ‘Le Freak’. I wonder whether I should upload this clip from where I was.

1:10AM:

?????

1:20AM: Pedro comes back into view. I try to film him but it doesn’t work out, and for once it had nothing to do with ICSFS. The girl to the right of me, who was rocking out for all of Breakbot’s set, is beginning to slump over on the railing. "Are you okay?” I call, but I don’t think she heard. From how rapidly it came on, how she could barely stand during the first five minutes of VC’s set, and how frantically her and her friends left afterwards (she could barely walk), it is quite possible she was going into diabetic shock. She did not return.

This is a known issue. You generally cannot bring food into London clubs, even if you’re diabetic. Electric Brixton had a complaint two years ago that a diabetic person was not permitted to bring in their food to prevent this exact thing happening. I hope whatever she had wasn’t that serious, but. I do wonder.

This leads to a note about security, I suppose. There were none up front by the barriers. There was no one to call for help to, except for maybe the stage photographers, and that’s not what they’re trained to do. People who were falling sick or too inebriated to stand would have benefited from having security help them beyond the barrier straight away, instead of having to wade their way back through a tight crowd.

This continued to be a problem.

1:20~AM: Vladimir Cauchemar is visible. He doesn’t have the skull mask on, but with something smooth concealing his face, kind of like the Taikobots of Danger’s Taiko-era set. When he takes over he has put the mask on.

Vladimir Cauchemar (1:30AM to 2:30AM)

1:30AM: I gotta say, VC was the easiest and the best to photograph in this show, and I both respect and resent that fact.

VC’s lighting stayed a consistent red and black through his set, similar to how it was at XOYO, and the clearest images I have of the night are of him. I’m still not over his collab with 6**9*** so my impression of him isn’t out of the woods yet, which is why my notes for him are brief.

I tell you what, though. He got the crowd going. VC was the first DJ to get the dude standing to the left of me dancing, and this is the dude who stayed the entire eight hours of the night by my side while on my right people faded in, faded out, barged into places. (Dude was holding out for Sebastian, but stuck around for all of Myd as well.) His set had serious limitations - the most gregarious sin of which I’ve noted down below - but he had a great stage personality. I have very mixed feelings.

Still didn’t prevent me from standing out certain songs to go on Russian duolingo, but that was my pride.

1:35AM: ‘Aulos’ comes on. I will upload that video because I might as well, I’ve little else videoed for VC. Someone taps my shoulder. It’s the friend of the dude whom I encountered outside, the Asian girl. “Can I put this here?” She calls, and places her coat down beyond the barrier; there are steps on the other side where you can place your drinks, bags, coats etc if you’re front row. She withdraws behind me afterwards, and when I next look back, she’s gone.

1:40AM: I’m honestly surprised how many people are digging VC’s set. He was not first choice for anyone I asked.

1:51AM: Vladimir, Aulos is great but not twice in the same set.

2:00AM: Third drink of the night. My legs are getting numb. The first 3-4 hours of a set are always the hardest. I don’t remember what VC was playing. At several points he played Michael Jackson but I have no record of when. I stood still to rest my legs and distracted myself with other pursuits.

2:18AM:

Hi I’m in this photo and I don’t like it.

2:26AM: VLADIMIR. AULOS IS GREAT, BUT NOT THRICE IN THE SAME SET.

This. This is the major problem with his set. I know it’s his biggest hit, but VC exploits ‘Aulos’ way too much, and from what I hear he essentially does this for every set he plays. Would it injure him to play a different song every now and then. Seriously. There are so many excellent songs in the world, and some of them might even be ones he’ll drop in the future. Why stick to ‘Aulos’ alone. I don’t get it.

2:26~AM: As I was noting down the third instance of ‘Aulos’, the girl who put her coat down returned. “Can I have my coat back?” She calls over the sound, and I peer over. I can’t see the coat. The red spotlight passes over the floor; the coat’s rolled off the steps and is now lying on the ground.

“I can’t reach it.” I shout. “It’s fallen off.”

“Oh no.” She shouts.

“Can you wait until the segue?”

She shakes her head. “I’ll go over the barrier, but thanks.”

I offer to help her over, but she doesn’t think she'll make it. She ducks out past the crowd and goes around the side instead (no security to stop her), runs over to grab her coat, and then leaves straight away. She’ll be back for Sebastian’s set, but now it’s Riton time.

Riton (2:30AM to 3:30AM)

I didn’t enjoy Riton’s set very much. This had 0% to do with his music and everything to do with the chaos on my right-hand side, which made it worse. If it was the artist that was bad you chalk it up to a mismatch in interests, but knowing other concertgoers unilaterally deprived you of a good experience is a unique level of terrible. There are no timestamps for this section because I was too busy keeping an eye on my surroundings to take notes; he was also afflicted with the ICSFS, which didn’t help, but it’s a darn shame how much I missed out.

Oh and that too. That was his light show. Riton was a special guest and his name/logo was the dominant display for the entirety of his set. But I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to talk about the chip on my shoulder.

Here’s the thing. I attend most of the gigs I go to by myself. I prefer it that way because I get anxious when things go wrong. I have a very specific set of items I bring with me to concerts, and practice very meticulous timekeeping. One of the rules I observe during gigs is that I do not move from my position: I prefer front centre or front centre-right generally, but wherever it is, I stay put.

I am not a tall woman. If I lose my place, it is unlikely I’d get it back. I’m full of anxiety about being at my place, but I’m more anxious to avoid losing it, so I defend it with all my might. I have never lost my place in almost ten years and this show was no exception. But my goodness did the guys to my right push my buttons this time. The guy who was to the right of me for Riton was with a group, all of whom were banging on the barriers and creating a ruckus. Just my luck he was the only one who seemed actually inebriated. He kept putting his head down on the railing, slumped over for minutes at a time, before suddenly raving and flailing around whenever Riton dropped a beat. He had no consideration for whoever he was accidentally knocking about (i.e. me) during this. And as I said, there was no security up front, so I was on my own.

At first I had some sympathy, because I still wasn’t over the girl who left earlier. I’ve never seen people who were inebriated/high during shows last very long where they were, either. But the fifteenth time dude nearly poked my eye out, it was just too much. I do not like people prodding their way into my personal space. I do not like it, Sam-I-Am.

The last time I had to be vicious with a concertgoer was at TBB, where a ginger-haired girl kept on trying to tear people from their place up front, and eventually was ejected by security after she got into a catfight with another girl next to me. Apparently this time it was my turn to give into Righteously Indignant Bitch Hours and the next time he started flailing his arm into my neck, I grabbed him and slammed his hand onto the railing and shouted “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.”

I wish I could say this made him stop. However, life is dumb. Dude was too out of it to comprehend his own actions, let alone my complaints. His friends pulled him out of the front row for about five minutes but then he came staggering back, muttering something about his lens cap (?) and if I’d seen it. It wasn’t long before he began to barge into the surrounding people again. Only elbows were the solution; I can barely move my right arm even now, it feels so bruised. I’m not proud of what I did, but I’m not sure what I could have done differently, and I would do the same even now.

But, you know. It could have been worse. If you’ve been front row, you know there’s a difference between those who’re trying to grab a good time and those who act out of malice. The former usually try to sneak a hand in next to yours on the railing, or crash into you from the back, or wedge their way in - but they almost always follow it up with an apology, and they tend to carve out their own little space, not actively steal yours. Yes I’m talking about that ginger-haired girl at the TBB show again. I’ve attended full on firebreathing industrial metal shows at much bigger, suffocating venues, and yet those audiences still managed to avoid being vicious and petty. She was the worst. Holy shit. It’s been two years and I’m still mad. Fucking bitch I hope you step in a puddle. What was I writing about again? Oh yeah the dude. He wasn’t acting out of malice, but out of irresponsibility. And to be honest, his friends weren’t that better, save for a girl who was about five feet eight tall and complimented that I was still standing later in the set: “I had to sit down after Thibaut and you’re still jumping like nothing happened!”

That made me think about my own stamina. I never thought I had much. I’m twenty-five years old. I’m in my prime, but I had more energy when I was eighteen, and I am old enough to keep that in mind. I’m not getting younger. After a show I’m bruised and my muscles ache and I pass out asleep for hours at a time. I’m usually awake for 30hrs~ during those times. I don’t eat or drink much before shows to prevent bathroom breaks. I ate on 3:30pm on the 25th and didn’t touch a single morsel of food again until 7am on the 26th, and even then it was a sandwich. After dancing for eight hours.

It’s been that way for years. But maybe most people? Don’t? Do that? And maybe I am? Actually quite strong? For regularly surviving what I do to myself?

I don’t know. Let’s move onto what I think 70% of you are here to read about.

Sebastian (3:30AM to 4:30AM)

3:30AM: Predictably, Sebastian gets the loudest cheers of the night when he comes on. Riton announces him and passes him the headphones. He still does the hand thing, by the way.

This thing.

3:30~AM: Not an observation of the moment, but of the entire set. Seb played some big name EDM songs and what I believe are versions of his YLS tracks. He was the only set I wanted to record in full, but I wasn’t tall enough and my equipment wasn’t good enough to do so. ICSFS is in play. I sort of hoped he'd stuck with his vicious red lighting from Primary Tour, and he did, but not to a degree where I could get good shots of him.

Is anyone excited for him to drop an album this year or what. Pedro said he would.

3:38AM: Seb also has the dubious honour of being the only DJ who contributed extra to the ICSFS problem. He vapes through the entire set. I have lots of feelings and I don’t know what to do with myself honestly.

3:39AM: Neither do the dudes to my right. They are the friends of the inebriated dude who has since staggered off into the crowd. They are completely losing their shit, screaming and taking their shirts off and kicking at the barriers. They contributed to some of the bruises on my right arm. But they still didn’t take my place so whatever.

3:40~AM: Seb is not a smiler. Photographer comes by and he gives him a single glance before turning back. I don’t know why I’m surprised.

3:43AM: The Asian girl with the coat from earlier comes back. She asks me to deposit a different layer of coat this time over the barrier, and stands behind me. I feel very protected.

3:50~AM: Balm to aid my pain: photographers start coming down from the stage to pass out Ed Banger pins and stickers. The first lot are thrown into the audience, but the second photographer takes the time to give all of us one. This is the first time I’ve scored thrown Ed Banger merch during a set. I usually can’t reach them because I am smol.

I am also bonding with the dude to my left during this time. We collaborate to catch the pins we want and share them out between the two of us. He gets the Ed Banger melody logo pin, and gives me the Ed Banger 15 Ans pin. “Are you sure?” I ask. He smiles and nods. I thank him and hand him a Breakbot sticker, one that’s of his name.

4:06AM: What the fuck the lights are changing

4:06AM: Is that

4:06AM: IT IS

4:07AM: IT’S JUSTICE. IT’S HEAVY METAL. SEB’S PLAYING HEAVY METAL AND HE’S DOING THE HAND THING AND THE LIGHT SHOW’S TRIPPY AS FUCK ALL OF A SUDDEN AND EVERYONE IS SCREAMING AND THE DUDE LEFT OF ME IS DECLARING HIS LOVE FOR SEB IN FRENCH AND I AM SCREAMING OH MY FUCKING GOD

4:09AM: HE SEGUES TO ROLLIN’ AND SCRATCHIN’. HE LITERALLY DID THAT. SEBASTIAN AKCHOTE IS PLAYING ROLLIN’ AND SCRATCHIN’ AND WE’RE ALL GOING BATSHIT INSANE. I’M SORRY FOR THE BAD CAMERA WORK. THIS IS HOW I DIE.

4:15~AM: Myd is finally going back and forth. He will close the night after Sebastian has finished his set. Looking back on the videos of the night, I can’t believe he only played for an hour; it felt a bit longer than that, Sebastian never let up for a single second as long as he was onstage. Not a single minute wasted. And now you’re going to have to excuse me babes because he’s puttING ON STRESS AND WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE AGAIN RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW

4:24AM: AAAAAAAAAAAA

(Seb’s still playing Stress. Looping the chainsaw noises. Steady camera work lmao what steady camera work)

4:30AM: Sebastian hands over the reins to Myd at this point. I do not have a video of this segue because he does not announce the takeover; with one of his inscrutable hand gestures and a proud look, Sebastian takes up a whole bottle of wine and silently walks offstage. Again, I don’t know why I am remotely surprised. That is probably the most Seb thing I have seen Seb do all night, and it was a night extremely full of Seb things.

At this point I stop jotting down notes on my phone. But I’m at about 58% battery and going strong, so I’m still taking photos and videos whenever I can. Myd’s section is reconstructed from these records.

Myd (Round 2) (4:30~AM to 6:00AM)

4:30~AM: Not a specific observation. As mentioned in the Breakbot review of May 2018, I have unfinished business with Myd. Or at least: had. Myd played the closer in XOYO last year, and back then I was weak and I could not stay through his entire set. I swore to myself the next time he returned, and I was able to see him, I would last as long as he was onstage.

And I did. That’s one promise to myself kept, and what I hope was a little justice done for a DJ of Myd’s caliber.

4:35AM: Coat girl taps my shoulder again. “I’m going home. Could you...?” She gestures to the barrier, and I reach down and pull up her coat. It didn’t roll onto the ground this time.

“There you are.” I say. She takes it and gives me a hug. “Have a good night.”

“Have a good night!” Then she’s gone, alongside the exodus of people who are leaving the club. More people stuck around for Myd here than in XOYO. Guy to my left nudges me to look; stickers are coming around again, specifically the ��Hello My Name Is _______ [Myd]’ one. We each take one.

4:44AM: I’m out of water. Actually I was out of water immediately before Seb finished, because for some reason I thought downing the last of my only means of hydration with over 1h 30mins to go was a sensible thing to do. I regret this decision bitterly, but I’ll probably survive.

4:58AM:

@_@

5:03AM: It is very difficult for me to ID Myd’s tracks. I suspect a lot of them are original or are from his recent release that I haven’t yet listened to. Appropriate to a closer, he takes a very trance-inspired line to his entire set, with lots of repetition and few loud drops; this was the same in XOYO. I wonder what a Myd headliner set must be like.

5:10~AM: The guy to the left of me is struggling. So am I. But further to his left, there is a guy slumped on the rails. His girlfriend is beside him. They’ve been there all night, but they’ve clearly reached their limit. My right hand side keeps refilling and emptying as people step away or leave.

I talk about that other guy because he summons Thibaut to him.

5:28AM: I took several vids of this but this timestamp belongs to the longest. Thibaut comes back with his own phone to film the audience. He winks and shyly gestures all of us to gather our strengths and be more pumped up, and I recall we obliged him because he asked so nicely. He lingered for some time, gazing at us as fondly as we were gazing at him. He then looked at the guy slumped over on the railing and hopped down from the stage, gently patting his shoulder to talk to him.

I didn’t hear any of their conversation, save for Thibaut asking the dude ‘where he was from’. By the way he clasped his hand to his chest several times, though, I’m inclined to think he was really concerned about the guy. They eventually shook hands and Thibaut made as if to hop back onstage. (The photo was taken as he was leaving.)

Except he couldn’t jump that high. He gave us another shy look and braced his foot against the barriers, perching neatly on the stage before clambering up. He stuck around for about five more minutes to check up on the audience.

I love Thibaut so much. He’s so gentle.

5:34~AM: Holy fuck my bag is full of crap. I haven’t organized it in some time. Discarded cups, beer cans etc have accumulated by my feet, and as I kick them away I’m trying to check my loot is in place and I still have my items. I can’t feel my passport and my blood runs cold for a moment. I turn the camera flash on to look.

“Are you looking for something?” The guy to my left asks worriedly.

I feel my passport in my front pocket. False alarm. “Just organizing my bag.”

(I didn’t see any lost foreign ID or driver licenses on the floor this time.)

5:43AM:

Russian duolingo says fuck millennial lives

5:50~AM: The smoke machine is turned off. I still can’t see for shit, though, because the lights flash rapidly between deep blue and violet and Myd’s hidden behind it.

My last video of the night is timestamped 5:55AM. Myd has a most benevolent smile on his face. He knows the night is drawing to a close.

6:00AM: I did it.

We made it.

I have made it through a Myd set fully and have survived the night.

Myd finished exactly at 6am and exited to a crowd of applause. There are calls for an encore, but given that it's... like, literally morning, it’s not realistic to expect him to stay any longer. Security comes by as soon as he exits, and we all leave Electric Brixton behind at last. The sun has not yet risen. I fall in step with the guy next to me.

Guy: Where are you heading to?

Me: Coach. I came up from Brighton.

Guy: From Brighton?! Was that last night or what?

Me: Yep, two hours before the show. I haven’t eaten or slept all night.

Guy: Wow. [Pause.] Though I think that’s the longest I’ve danced in my entire life, too.

Me: You’re not kidding. I really didn’t think I was going to last beyond Sebastian.

I think he was a Londoner. We say farewells in front of the Electric Brixton bus stop, and I leave for the Underground. My legs are numb and I can barely walk, but somehow I stumble past the barriers and sink into the seats of the train. Back at Victoria Train Station I drop in at Sainsburys for a sandwich and two cans of grape soda, and then realizing I need a resealable container to take on the bus, buy a bottle of Pepsi. The grape soda was just because I really love grape soda and I cannot find a place in Brighton that sells any. It was around 8AM when I finally got on the coach back home.

I had not slept for some twenty hours. I continued to not sleep on the bus. I tried very hard to, but I couldn’t, because I was still buzzing from the adrenaline. It wasn’t until I got home, just after 11AM, that I began to feel sleepy for real. Sig. other made me a cup of tea, and I took the interval to admire some cat slippersocks that had arrived for me in the meantime.

LOOK AT IT.

Overall I’d say this was a fantastic night. I have taken care of unfinished business and seen Sebastian in the flesh. I have, however, come away with another unfinished business to replace the deal with Myd - I should seek out Riton again, the next time he comes here, and deliver a full review of what that was like. To think of the Ed Banger crew making their way across Europe in 2019, with new material and a new Sebastian in tow...

😍😍😍

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queenlua · 5 years

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HI!, so I have an online friend and I’m thinking of inviting her to my graduation cemeony/pary. We’ve never met and this would be the 1st time that I see her. I’m terrified that it’s going to be super super awkward and that we will have a lot of silence moments. What do people talk about? Also, I’m inviting my old friends and some family and I’m afraid we’re going to engage in talking and she’s going to be left out w/o me being aware. Is it a good idea to invite her in the 1st place?

hi anon! i am not sure why you’re asking me in particular, but i fuckin love putting on my Dear Abby hat, so thank you for giving me this excuse, haha.

short version: i’d suggest, if there’s any way you can meet them in a quiet, one-on-one situation prior to graduation, do that, then invite them to graduation if that went fine. otherwise, it depends a lot on what you know about the person.

long version:

* how well do you know the friend?

how long have you known each other? do you IM each other frequently? play any sort of games together? have you ever chatted on the phone? if so, do you chat on the phone frequently? if not, can you chat on the phone before meeting up? the more you’ve talked to them, and the longer you’ve known them, the likelier things will be just fine when you meet them in person. i’m very slightly concerned that you’re worried “what do people talk about”—you’d talk to them about whatever you normally talk about, right? (though, i can chat pretty much anyone’s ear off at any time, so i have never had this problem in general :P)

(also, i am not mentioning the obvious question of “are you sure this person is who they say they are, and is a safe person?” because i am assuming you are somewhat savvy. a decent rule of thumb is “have you known them for at least a year, and are you meeting in a public location for the first time;” there are other sensible rules of thumb, but you should probably use at least one.)

* how comfortable would the friend be in this situation?

i can make myself comfortable at any party. if i don’t know anyone i’ll chat up some strangers, i’ll introduce myself, and i’ll be guaranteed have a good time. i have zero shyness telling strangers “oh hey yeah i know so-and-so because we obsessed over Fire Emblem for years over the internet, how do you know them”

so you could totally invite me to any random fucking party. but is your internet friend like me?

if so, go for it. if they’re more shy, maybe ask them how they’d feel about it—perhaps they’d be more comfortable hanging out at a cafe or something the night before your big day.

* how much context does Friend have on your life, and vice versa?

when i moved to the same city as this one internet friend, i was surrounded by a bunch of goddamn computer nerds, so introducing her as “hi, this is my friend Mary Sue, we’ve been playing online RPG games together for three years” was an extremely normal thing to say, and everyone was chill and happy and curious to meet her.

but if your mom is confused by what you’re up to on That Internet Box All Day, and your brother’s liable to make fun of your friend for being a nerd, and if your friend seems to be of a very different type than all your other friends—don’t set them up to be uncomfortable! good manners is the art of making people comfortable, and all that.

***

also some random anecdotes from my experience, in case they help:

* in general every internet friend i have met irl has been great! there’s a bit of an initial strangeness in encountering someone’s irl physical and vocal mannerisms for the first time, and that can be very slightly awkward, but in my experience the awkwardness passes in 10-20min, and then you get all the joy of realizing this stranger with strange mannerisms is, at heart, the same internet-person you have known for a long time, and you can delight in knowing them in this new way.

* the first time i met up with a friend from a wolf RPG, i actually hopped in her car and we drove to a nearby wolf refuge, haha. (i would not ordinarily advise hopping in a stranger’s car but we knew each other VERY well.) so we had plenty to talk about, comparing the wolves at the refuge to various RPG characters…

* i actually knew one chick who invited the entirety of this one wolf RPG to her wedding. no one on the game had met irl before. i wasn’t able to make it (wedding was the same day as a final, for me), but i knew like 5 players who attended, and by all accounts they had a lovely time and it was not awkward or weird.

anyway good luck rando anon~

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xesoteric-extraterrestrialx · 6 years

Text

Sorry to everyone for not having a chance to post lately.. Been dealing with harassment and abuse... I wrote this the other day when venting after my dad went psycho on me for taking a shower. I'll probably end up deleting this cause it's really personal and I quote other people to express and try to explain what I'm going through, just need to vent, sorry for being a burden.. 😔

Does anyone else's dad get a hard on from harassing you? Like, you don't even do ANYTHING and they just try to find any reason to try and harass you? Or your sibling does shit that pisses them off so instead they take it out on you? It's like he gets some sort of sick satisfaction from abusing me. Did I mention he stands and listens outside my door like a creep? (Caught him standing outside under my window just creeping too) I can't even take a shower when my dad's home cause he tries to find any reason to try and fight with me so he can turn the water off and fight // see me in a towel, it's REALLLY disturbing...

It's funny 'cause he'll yell at me and tell me he's going to kick me out (When he's the one who told me to move back in after I had already moved into my own apartment; long story the people upstairs wouldn't stop partying, which was a problem for me since I was working full time. I vented to my sister who told him and he offered to do the basement so I could "save up for collage and save up for my own place again" but I was a fool to actually believe him, really a fool. When has he ever helped me, ever? When has he ever been JUST nice to me? Can't even think of ONE time.. I should have never moved back into this abusive household...) for JUST TAKING A SHOWER. Literally, I just got kicked out of the shower that was only 15mins long and his reasoning "You're in there an hour!" Really? 'Cause I have to time my showers since this isn't the first time he has done this and I was rushing to be out before 20mins but nope, water is cut off. My brother can take a literal 30-an hour shower and his girlfriend someone who doesn't even live here can take a separate shower whenever but I try to take a shower once or twice a week (while he's home) and EVERY TIME, I'm harassed. (This is why I have to take showers when no one is home but I worked out late and wanted to take a quick one, thought I'd be safe but I can never feel safe around that sociopath.. Needed to get some more footage of his harassment so at least I have that for my lawyer...)

It's kind of like how during this past summer when it was hot as fuck outside, I wasn't allowed to use the AC BUT when my brother was home HE was allowed to use it. My dad would go crazy on me if I put it down just so the fan's on just to be able to breathe in the heat but wouldn't even bother my brother about it and then when the weather became cooler and cold enough outside where you don't need AC on, my brother was still using it and received no harassment! But oh no, if Janine puts it on the world has to end. Sexist. Another example: I used to work for his business and would try to go above and beyond with customer service and do what was needed so his company would sound professional and maybe if I did well enough he wouldn't treat me like shit for once for actually doing a good job but no, just a burden to let me work for our family business so he let me go and instead HIRED RANDOM OLD LADIES WHO DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING!! Lmao, let's not trust your own daughter who has experience in the field and has been employee of the month at past jobs but trust these people who don't even know how to work a computer. He let's my brothers work for him and gives them money even though he KNOWS he's enabling their drug problems right now and he gets pissed when they're on drugs at work but instead of confronting them about it and actually being a parent he comes and harass's ME, WHAT DID I DO?! YOU'RE MAD CAUSE YOU'RE GIVING THEM MONEY AND THEN THEY GO OUT PARTYING AND CAN'T WORK THE NEXT DAY BUT YOU YELL AT ME INSTEAD, WHERE IS THE LOGIC??!!?! WHERE??!?! MADNESS!!! INSANITY!!! I don't even want to talk about my brothers with this situation but it needs to be said not to call them out but to show how he mistreats me cause he's so sexist and harrass's me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

"I didn’t grow up in a stable home. My childhood wasn’t filled with catching fireflies outside nor did it involve chasing down the ice cream man. It involved self induced paranoia and sleepless nights where I had to become my own vigilante- keeping an eye out for the monster that did not live in my closet nor underneath my bed. This monster didn’t have razor sharp claws or scaly skin, this monster was much scarier. This monster was a human being and he slept right across the hallway from me."

I wish my mom never met this piece of shit, to think I could not even be born right now and not have to be dealing with this constant abuse, I don't even know anyone else who deals with constant harassment from their father like this, he's OBSESSED with trying to destroy me. To think my mom could have been in a normal relationship and actually been able to enjoy her life instead of dealing with this psychopath's obsession to tear down and destroy other's, including his own family. No wonder we weren't allowed to get close to his side of the family, he was afraid we'd find out the truth of how disgustingly cruel of a person he is, too bad ended up figuring it out the hard way.. "No child asks to be born. There is no excuse to treat them like a burden when their existence was YOUR decision.."

"I will not regret venting about this on going harassment, he's not sorry for harming me so I don't feel guilty for venting about his abuse. I have the right to protect myself and document what this toxic person puts me through even though they're "family." They already had their chance to be a decent human being but choose to continue to show their true colors over and over."

"I should have learnt the definition of abuse from a dictionary. You didn’t have to teach me what it meant."

"Why do I get outcasted from society and not my abusers? Why is society happily willing to aid and accept and adore abusers? Why do abusers easily get all and any resources, support, validation, acceptance and love? And victims are denied all of it and backed into corner and forced to pay for abuser’s crimes? Do I really need to deal with being rejected and unwanted by society on top of being abused? Do I have to watch the entire world side with my abusers? Is it never enough?"

"Enough excuses for parents who abused their kids but “meant the best”. They “meant the best” for themselves, not for the kids. It’s fucking easy to just rely on emotional abuse, threats, humiliation, shame, guilt and violence to get your way and to force your kid to stay in control and to sabotage and fuck up the child’s life so you would feel good about it, and then to just remind yourself “i meant the best” to feel no guilt about doing so whatsoever. Just repeating to yourself “it doesn’t hurt them” and “they deserved it” while actively forcing your child to keep all the obvious trauma symptoms out of sight or ensuring the child believes it’s their own damn fault for feeling the way they do.

You know what’s not easy? Having your parent force control of your life via emotional abuse, threats, shame, humiliation, violence. Your parent getting into your own head and gas-lighting your senses until you feel worthless and insane and like a monster, until you don’t dare to feel your own feelings, until you’re ashamed of the pain you feel and can’t see yourself as anything other than a horrible burden and nothing you do can ever change that or make you good enough. You know what’s even harder? Still believing that your parent “meant the best” and not even daring to blame them and still being forced to draw the conclusion that it was after all, all your fault, for existing as you do, for being who you are, for not ever being good enough! And then, on top of all of it, hearing the rest of the world agree with the parent’s view, pressuring you to never blame them, to forgive them, to never hold them responsible, to “be better” and understand them, to not ever try to place blame on anyone but yourself because then you’re the monster.

Just. How. Is. One. Supposed. To. Heal. From. That.

Healing can’t even begin until the blame is placed on the parent! This person literally benefited from their child’s suffering! They did not get affected negatively from it at all, they didn’t even care, they walked away satisfied and getting what they wanted while the child now has a lifetime of traumatic consequences and mental illness problems! Their freedom is taken away, their quality of life reduced, their relationships and friendships sabotaged, their confidence crushed! They’re placed at extra risk for addictions and obsessions because they keep falling into the black pit of trauma no matter how hard they try to distract and their life is heavy and painful no matter how well they do afterwards! Their brain can’t regulate stress properly anymore! Abuse causes literal brain damage and all this is just so the parents would get their way! And you all still insist they shouldn’t feel guilty about it or be faced with consequences of their abuse? They shouldn’t fucking admit to themselves and to their children what they’ve done? If the truth will kill them, let them die. Abused children’s right to heal comes way before the abusers feeling good about themselves."

"Living in the same place as a toxic person, especially toxic family member, is exhausting and damaging full time, not only while they’re abusing you directly, but at every moment because you just know they want to hurt you and even while they’re not doing it, you know they’re planning to, and you have no idea what to expect and when it will happen and how big the damage is going to be, being kept in uncertainty and constant expectation of abuse can drive you insane. It’s actually worse when they’re temporarily nice because you don’t even know what to make of it, it gets harder and harder to call them out or confront them, especially if they use fake niceness to manipulate others’ general opinion of them and to invalidate your claims of abuse. So even if the abuse is rare and the rest of the time they somewhat leave you alone or play nice, stress and anxiety is full time, incapability to stop or even voice their actions gets worse and piles up until you feel helpless and like you’re somehow in the wrong and accusing the abuser wont get you anywhere but makes you look bad instead.

Living in these conditions long term will fundamentally change your own perception of yourself, and the sense of your own importance and value, often it will result in trauma as well. Just knowing that you’re in environment that continually allows someone to hurt you, and even supports it, forces you to accept that the world considers hurting you something that is natural and normal and should be done. How wouldn’t that cause anxiety and feelings of unsafely and abandonment and of low self worth? It’s fucking terrifying you mean so little to this world they would have you destroyed just because someone felt like destroying you."

This quote always helps me through times like these..

"You don’t owe your family affection if they are being abusive and treating you poorly. I know that it’s so difficult not to feel guilty for holding back that love. I know that there are people who will tell you that you should just grin and bear it because they’re family. People who will shame you for the way you feel. People who will try to convince you that wanting to take care of yourself in this way is selfish and unjustified. But the truth is that it’s not your responsibility to be kind or loving to people who have consistently hurt and mistreated you – especially when these people continue to disregard your feelings, ignore your boundaries, and refuse to take responsibility for their behavior. Just because the person hurting you is family doesn’t make them an exception.

Choosing not to be affectionate with family who have abused or mistreated you doesn’t make you a bad person. It isn’t selfish or disrespectful. It’s a form of self-care. It’s about you honoring your feelings and holding people accountable for their abuse. It’s about you standing up for yourself and your needs. It’s about you making your mental health a priority. So if getting distance from certain family members is what you need right now, or permanently, then you have every right to withhold your love and leave. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for the sake of maintaining a relationship. And you don’t ever have to apologize for creating a safer space for yourself."

The harrasment and abuse just doesn't end, he just went psycho on me again for brushing my damn teeth, I'm not even doing anything wrong!!!

#Abusive Father #Harrassment #Abuse #Abusive Dad #Depression #Ptsd #Sad #Anxiety #Depressive #Depressed #Toxic Family #If You Like The Quotes Go Support The Original Writers Please #Original Quotes Are At The Top Of My Likes Section

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