#blue lock fictive | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

holdmytesseract · 15 days

Text

A Stroke Of Fate

☆ The Baby Fever AU ☆

Loki x Y/N

Summary: Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. You and Loki learn that in a very hard way. A path you are forced to walk on, which puts your love, relationship and even marriage to the test.

Warnings: 18+! MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING! PROCEED WITH CAUTION! Angst, grief, sadness, loss, fights, mentions of injuries, pregnancy/pregnancy loss! trauma, misunderstandings, inappropriate touching - no rape, but it goes in that direction, violence? fluff! tiny bit of suggestive smut - blink and you'll miss it. Tell me if I missed something!

Word Count: 6k

a/n: This is most likely the saddest thing I have ever written - and it hurt me to the very core to do this to Y/N and Loki, but I had to. The idea was in my head for a long time. I fully blame 'Stay' by Rihanna and Mikky Echo.

Also, this isn't just another Baby Fever fic... This takes their story into a new direction - kind of...

Baby Fever Masterlist °☆• Loki Masterlist °☆• Masterlist

divider by @fictive-sl0th <3

Loki’s eyes widened in realisation; jaw slacking. He wasn't able to move a single muscle. All he could do was stare. Stare at the tiny, seemingly plain object laying inside his big palms.

Millions of thoughts ran through his head at lightning speed. The god's heart pounded violently against his ribcage. He tried to focus, but he couldn't. Too overwhelmed by the various emotions coursing through his veins.

But at last, he felt how the happiness finally took the upper hand and overweighed everything.

Tears started to pool in his oceanic blues; clouding his vision. And with the first tears falling from the corner of his eyes, Loki sunk to his knees on the bathroom floor; clutching the small object tightly against his chest; crying.

All he wanted was to get a towel from the little cabinet underneath the sink to clean up the mess two-year-old baby Narfi had made with his sippy cup - and now he was holding the future in his hands. Literally.

Loki had anticipated a lot... But certainly not to find a positive pregnancy test. Obviously, your pregnancy test; hidden in between the towels.

"Rogers!" Loki called after Cap, before he could step inside the elevator. The blond man's eyes lifted and landed on the god, who was literally jogging down the long hallway, with little Narfi on his arm.

"Have... Have you seen my wife?" He asked; tears still pricking his eyes. Steve raised an eyebrow and thoroughly scanned the prince's features. "Is everything alright, Laufeyson?" Loki nodded quickly; causing his raven locks to gently bounce against his shoulders. "More than alright, Rogers. Now have you seen my wife?" "Um, yes, I- I think she's in the training room, testing her new combat suit. At least that's what Y/N said earlier when we-" Loki slapped Steve's shoulder; interrupted him. "Thank you, Rogers." The god smiled at Steve and rushed past him; quickly pressing the button on the elevator.

Before the soldier could react, the metallic doors shut close in front of him.

Loki could barely contain his excitement. Something the little man on his arm noticed as well...

Narfi looked at his father with big ruby eyes. Sure, he didn't understand the situation, but the boy also didn't have to yet. He was still so young. Lifting a little blue hand, Narfi touched his father's cheek; feeling a tear against his tiny fingers. "Daddy?"

Loki smiled at his son. He adjusted the two-year-old on his arm and turned his head; kissing his palm and blew a raspberry against the skin - which caused Narfi to giggle and Loki to smile even wider. "Let's go, see mommy, yes?" He run his free hand through Narfi's short black curls; still fighting the tears. "See mama?" The god nodded; chuckling. "Yes, little man."

With a ding arrived the elevator on the 5th floor and the doors slid open. Loki stepped out and let Narfi stand on his own small two feet. Then the god squatted down and quickly fixed the boy's jumper. Today he wore the beige one with the dinosaurs on it - gifted to him by his uncle Scott. Narfi's forest green sweatpants needed adjustment, too, since they were still a little too big. After that was done, he stood up again and took Narfi by his hand. "Come one, buddy."

Together, they rounded the corner and entered the training room - well, rather small hall. It had everything an Avenger needed to prepare and train for missions.

Loki’s eyes immediately searched for you - and they found you quickly. You were standing on a mat; doing some stretches, launches and small jumps. Testing your new combat suit - like Steve said. If it weren't for all the Serotonin and Oxytocin coursing through his veins, he'd probably ravish you right then and there. Anyways, he was happy that no one was around...

Narfi was the one to announce your men's arrival. As soon as he saw you, he squealed out and ran as fast as his little legs carried him towards you.

"Mama!"

You immediately turned at the call of your child; seeing Narfi and Loki. You smiled and squatted down; ready to catch the boy. "Mama!" "Hey, sweetie!" You hugged him close and pressed a lingering kiss on his cheek. "Are you and daddy visiting me?" Your son nodded. "Uh.Huh." "Ohh, that's great." You ruffled his hair and stood up again to greet Loki.

"Hey, babe." You smiled and wrapped your arms around your husband's neck. "Hello, love." He placed his hands on your hips; pulling you closer. That was the moment you saw tears glistening in his eyes. He cried... You were of course immediately worried; your brows slanting. "Loki, why are you crying? What is-" He interrupted you with his lips on yours; kissing you with all the love he possessed for you.

Only Narfi's little tuck on his sweatpants was able to break the kiss. "Daddy! Narfi pway ball?" Both, yours and Loki's gaze followed Narfi's pointing. Loki chuckled; realising that the blue softball the boy always played with when he was with you or Loki laid only a few meters away from him. "Sure, buddy, go play."

Narfi ran away; giggling and started to kick the ball across the floor.

"Loki, what is it? You are crying, what's the matter?" Your husband smiled; thumbs tracing over your clothed hips. "I love your new suit." You couldn't help but smile as well, but still quite a bit confused. "Thank you, I... I thought it was time for a new one." "It fits you, my love. You look absolutely ravishing, if I might say so." You bit your lip; noticing the naughty, mischievous glint in his blue eyes. "Ahh, I see..." You giggled and pulled him into another kiss; not forgetting to cast an eye on your son now and then.

With a soft pop ended Loki the kiss - still smiling like a Cheshire cat. "But... You won't need this suit very much longer, right?" He whispered, and you could see how another tear rolled down his cheek.

And suddenly it fell like scales from your eyes. Your brain had quickly connected the dots.

You swallowed. "You... You found the-" "Pregnancy test, yes." Loki finished your sentence with a small sob. "B-But how? I thought I hid it so well..." The god chuckled; shaking his head. A tear dropped from his chin on his sweater. "Not good enough, my love. Narfi spilled water over the table with his sippy cup a-and I needed a towel, so..." You face-palmed yourself. "So you looked in the cupboard underneath the sink, of course. Silly me..." You giggled along Loki, who pulled you closer again.

"I assume you planned to surprise me. I apologise for ruining it." You shook your head; playing with the curls on the nape of his neck. "Indeed yes, but it's okay. It's been a surprise for you nevertheless..." Your husband shook his head - still in disbelief and with silent tears running down his cheeks. "I can't believe that this little joke of ours turned into reality so quick." "Well... I have been asking for it and challenged you, so..." A deep chuckle rumbled through Loki's chest. "Never challenge a half Frost Giant in spring to such things." "Yup, lesson learned," you giggled.

Your husband wrapped you up in a big hug then; holding you close, while you kissed his tears away. "No, honestly, darling... This is great," he whispered; gazing deeply into his eyes. Loki was positively radiating happiness - you could feel it. You nodded. "It is."

He kissed you once again; soft lips melting against yours.

You and Loki sat down on one of the benches then, which lined the wall beside the entrance; watching Narfi play and burn off energy. You had placed a hand on his thigh - which Loki had now wrapped up in his bigger hand.

"When did you take the test, love? And do you know how far along you are? I tried to figure it out myself, but we do way too much love making to do so." A snort, followed by a laugh slipped past your lips and you slapped his thigh. "Loki!" "What?" He asked; smiling mischievously and shrugged his shoulders. "It's the truth, is it not?" You just giggled, but nodded.

He wasn't wrong, after all.

"I took the test three days ago, but I have absolute no idea how far along I am. I'm gonna call my gynaecologist tomorrow and make an appointment." You smiled and squeezed his hand. "You could accompany me..." Loki gazed into your eyes and tuck a loose strand behind your ear. "I'd love to."

Just a few days later, you had your appointment at your gynaecologist's. Loki accompanied you. Ella was at school and Narfi with his auntie Nat. A white lie needed to be told to your best friend, since you didn't want to shout the good news from the rooftops yet.

The pregnancy test you took didn't lie to you. You were, in fact, pregnant again. Five weeks, said your gynaecologist, so it was new, fresh and vulnerable. You and Loki decided to tell it nobody yet. Not a single soul. Not even Frigga. And it turned out to be the right decision, because what happened only three weeks later was something you never thought would happen. At least to you...

"Are you sure you don't want to join us?" You asked Loki, while you stood in front of the mirror. The god was leaning against the wall of the bathroom behind you. He had his hair tied up into a bun and his hands buried in the pockets of his sweatpants. "No, thank you, darling. I'd rather stay here with the kids." You giggled and caught his gaze in the mirror. "Does that mean you prefer Ella's tea party over a night out?"

Loki couldn't help but smirk, "Oh, definitely." and join your laughter.

"Alright..." You started; lastly applying some perfume to complete your look. "I'll be going now." You turned to face your husband. Placing both hands on his chest, you leaned in to kiss him.

Loki nodded; pulling you closer by the belt around your waist. "Take care, alright? Please, by the love of the Norns, look after yourself and the little bean, yes?" You rubbed your palms across his pecs. "Of course, my love. I promise." You kissed him again and then left the bathroom. "And no alcohol!" You heard Loki calling after you. "I know, babe!" You giggled.

After you bid your goodbye to Ella and Narfi; giving them both a big smooch on the cheek, you met up with Nat and Jane to go out for a, well... small girl's night out.

The actual plan was to do a 'couple night's out' - but none of the boys wanted to join in and Pepper and Jane didn't have time in the end as well. Therefore it was just you, Nat and Wanda.

"No Loki?" asked Jane as you walked out of the building. "Nope... He preferred Ella's tea party." That had the three of you giggling. "Understandable," threw Nat in. "Ella's tea parties are the best."

You and the girls headed for your favourite bar; talked, danced and definitely had fun. It seemed like a perfect night. At that point, you not waisted one thought that it could turn some way somehow sour...

But it did. In the worst way possible. A harmless night, which turned into a nightmare.

Shaky hands reached for your mobile. It was almost midnight. You had danced around this for minutes now; not conjuring enough bravery to call him. By now you've tried about a million times - failing.

So, once more you took a deep breath, squeezed your red and teary eyes shut and swallowed the lump in your throat. Your finger hovered above the green button beside your husband's contact.

I have to, I have to, I need to, I want to, you repeated within your head like a mantra, now or never - and finally tapped on the button.

His phone rang. One, two, three, four, a fifth time. You already were on the verge of hanging up when a sleep filled voice croaked out: "Darling?"

On every other day you'd have found Loki's sleepy voice drop-dead sexy... Not today.

"L-Loki?" You heard a bit of a rustling on the other end. "M here, my love, 'm here," he said huskily; "Wha' is it?" audibly trying to wake up. You swallowed hard. "I-I..." You had to cut off your own sentence, in order to hold back the tears - unsuccessfully. A small sob slipped past your quivering lips. Something the god on the other end picked up. It didn't slip his notice.

He immediately sat up and switched on the lamp above his bedside table; wide awake all of a sudden. "Y/N, what's wrong?"

"I... I am at t-the h-hospital."

Loki's eyes widened instantly in shock and fear; his heartbeat skyrocketing. "I beg your pardon; you are where?" You swallowed again; feeling the tears run down your cheeks. "The h-hospital."

Loki was already jumping out of bed.

"What?! Why?! By the Norns, what happened?! Are you hurt?!"

You wanted to scream.

"T-There was... was an incident at the b-bar and-" Loki was already slipping inside a white shirt; hastily buttoning it up and totally forgetting about his magical abilities at that moment. All he could think about was you... And his unborn child.

"I'm coming, love! I'm on my way, I-" "No," you interrupted your husband; causing him to stop dead in his movements - frowning.

"Stay w-with the kids, okay? You..." Fresh tears ran down your cheeks. "You can't leave them a-alone." "But..." Loki threw immediately in; blinded by his fear and worry about the woman he loved; about to just act headless. "Please, Loki, please," you pleaded. "Natasha is going t-to take me home. I-I just wanted to... To tell you."

Your words confused Loki. She can leave the hospital already? "B-But, love, what-" You couldn't take this anymore. You didn't have the strength to talk to him further - and you'd need all your remaining power to keep up the façade later in front of your best friend. "I'll tell you later, I p-promise," you managed to somehow choke out...

...and hung up.

Natasha and you had returned to the Avengers compound about an hour later. Now you were standing in front of the door to your family's apartment. You were exhausted. So utterly exhausted. All your power spent on crying and pretending everything was alright. All you wanted was to break down and cry yourself to sleep - but you had to talk to your husband first...

Unlocking the door, you stepped inside the dark apartment. Mostly dark apartment. The only light source came from the living room. He was waiting for you. Of course he was waiting for you.

You could already picture it in your head. He'd walk up and down in the room; worried and afraid - like a caged and hurt animal.

You took a deep breath; gathered all your leftover strength and made your way into the living room.

Loki was indeed walking up and down the room, but currently had his back to you and a hand in his messy curls. You swallowed.

"Loki..."

The soft, almost inaudible call of his name attracted his attention. He swiftly turned around; facing you. Worry was written all over his face. Your husband's eyes widened, "Y/N!" before he literally ran over to you. His big palms landed on the sides of your upper arms and his oceanic, tear stained blues wandered up and down your body; searching for injuries. "What happened?! What is wrong?! How are you feeling?!" The god's mind was racing - already. And you'd make it worse.

Tears pooled in your eyes again, just at the mere thought of what you were going to tell him.

"At... At the bar, there was an... an incident and-" While you spoke, his palms had wandered down your arms and to your hands. He lifted them gently and wanted to kiss your knuckles, as a frown formed on his forehead. "Y/N, what..." Loki interrupted you; thumbs brushing over the bruises on your wrists. "What is this? Tell me what happened, please. Right now."

You swallowed again, nodding. "There was a-a man. He... He had his eyes on me the whole evening. I could feel it. He was watching me. Just me. Not N-Nat or Wanda. Me." You could already see how Loki's jaw tightened. Anger was taking over his system already. "At s-some point I had to go to the ladies. He... He followed me. He said that he had cast an... an eye on me and that he would like to..." You cut off your own sentence. Not that you needed to finish it. Loki knew what you were going to say. "I refused, of course. T-Tried to stay polite and leave, but... He didn't let me. He... He trapped me inside the ladies, caged me against the wall." That's where the bruises come from, Loki thought. "I fought against it - against him. He was so strong."

Loki felt like he could burst because of the anger and fear running through his veins. "Please tell me he didn't..."

You knew what he wanted to say and quickly shook your head. "N-No, I headbutted him, t-then kicked him in the balls a-and perhaps even broke his nose." A relieved breath left your husbands lips. "That's my girl."

"He fled then, but..." Loki’s face hardened again. "But what?" Deep down the god knew there must have happened something else. Unless Natasha and Wanda wouldn't have taken you to the hospital.

"He... He had slammed my head against the wall, which resulted in a small cut and-" "There's more?!" You could already hear in his voice that he was furious once more. You knew that he'd love to find that guy right now and do terrible, awful things to him.

You nodded once more. "When he grabbed me, I... I tried to fight against him a-and escape. I almost made it, but then he..." You had to swallow down the lump in your throat and suppress the tears. "He kneed me in the s-stomach to prevent me from e-escaping."

Your husband's mind was way too clouded with anger and fear. He couldn't think clearly, and therefore was unable to connect the dots. Norse curse words spluttered from his lips and his eyes darkened. Threat his family and you'll bring out the darkest side of him - you knew that.

"I'll find him, my love." "Loki." You spoke in a weak voice, trying to get through to him. "I'll find him and then I'll kill him." "Loki." "Slowly and intimately." "Loki, please." "I'll make him pay for what he did to you and-" You couldn't take it any longer. You had to tell him.

"Loki, I lost the baby."

Your sentence cut through the air like his daggers through skin. Loki's mouth clapped shut and a very unpleasant silence spread in the living room. He needed a second to process your words. You just stared at him; silent tears running down your cheeks and dripping on your blouse, as you watched Loki fall apart in front of you.

"W-What?" He croaked out; seemingly still unable to grasp this.

"I... I lost our baby."

He started to shake his head. "No, that's... It can't be. Everything was alright!" "I know," you sobbed. "But I was at the hospital... They checked. The incident caused the m-miscarriage." You stepped closer and reached for his hands. Loki blinked; tears escaping the corner of his eyes. "I-I'm sorry. I-I'm so sorry."

You wanted to hug your husband; catch him mid-falling and preferably crash on the hard ground of reality together with him - but he took a step back. "No, no, no, no..." His hands suddenly dropped yours. Without his touch, you had never felt more cold and lonely.

"Loki, what-" "This is your fault." He suddenly exclaimed; driving an invisible dagger straight through your heart. "It's your fault, Y/N and you know it. I told you! I told you to stay and not go in the first place! I told you to take it easy this early in the pregnancy!" He ran both his hands over his face and tugged frustratingly at his raven curls, while you just stood there; frozen. You didn't know what was happening.

"We almost lost Narfi, because you explicitly wanted to accompany me to that stupid charity event and now?! Now exactly that happened, of what I've always been afraid of! Of what I've always warned you! But no... You just didn't want to listen!"

You were still staring at him, mouth agape. This wasn't real, you thought. I must be dreaming.

"M-My... My fault?" You croaked out; feeling like you were going to fall apart. "Yes!" Loki hissed. "You heard what I said, did you not?!" Sure, you understood that this was equally as hard and sad as it was for you. You understood the cocktail of emotions which must be brewing inside of him, but that... That was unacceptable. You hoped he'd catch you, be there for you, grieve together with you... But certainly not that he'd blame you.

"How can you blame me for this? I didn't kick myself in the gut, did I? Besides, you could've just accompanied me! Perhaps all of this would've never happened, but no, Mr. Laufeyson didn't want to!" You felt how anger rose within you as well. It was just too much.

"Me?!" Loki hissed; pressing his pointer finger in the muscle on his chest. "Oh, I'm the one to blame now?! Sure... It's easy to blame me - for everyone! Just blame the former war criminal. Just blame the untrustworthy god. Just blame the monster from another realm - and all your problems are solved!" He laughed bitterly; shaking his head.

"That's... That's not what I meant - and you know it!" Your husband cocked his head. "Oh no? It's not? Enlighten me then, Y/N!"

You sighed. "Look... I understand your worries. I really do, but I can't just sit on the sofa 24/7 and not move a muscle, just because I'm pregnant! That's not how it works!"

Loki snorted. "Well, it should! As you can see, everything else is apparently not working!" You shook your head; stepped closer to Loki. "We... We just lost our baby... Shouldn't we... Shouldn't we grieve toge-" The god interrupted you, tears streaming down his face. "Yes, and I'm not the one to blame." With those words he brushed past you, "I will be sleeping on the sofa tonight." and left you behind; feeling more cold and lonely than you ever did in your whole life before...

The loss of the new life growing within you and the fight you and Loki had that night caused a wide rift to appear between the two of you. It split your relationship apart. Everything else would be a lie.

You felt how he grew cold and distant. Just like you did. The once perfectly harmonic, loving and desiring bond cracked.

Sure, there had always been fights, misunderstandings and disagreements - totally normal things. But this... This was different.

...and you just didn't know how to stop your marriage from falling apart...

Whenever you tried to speak with him about the topic, he'd immediately steered the conversation into a different direction. Hence, he talked less to you in general. No deep conversations anymore, no love declarations - nothing.

The communication lacked, just like the physical touch. You'd get a kiss from time to time, yes, but nothing more. Barely cuddles, no long, intimate kisses and certainly no sex.

It hurt you. To the core - but the sad thing about it all was, that you actually hadn't a single reason to complain, because you weren't better. You gave him just as little as he gave you. It was a mutual thing - and at some point didn't go unnoticed anymore...

"Y/N."

"Y/N, hey."

Natasha's voice urged to your ears, but didn’t reach your brain. All you did was staring ahead; totally lost in thoughts. Only when you felt her touch on your shoulder was your best friend able to get through to you.

"Babes, your glass in flowing over." You snapped your head down at her words; eyes widening. "Shit, shit, shit." You hastily turned off the tap, while Nat helped you to dry the outside of the glass, so you could wipe your hands on a kitchen towel.

"Thanks, Nat." You took the glass, "I-I've been a bit lost in thoughts." and gave her a small smile. "Yeah, I saw that," the Widow pointed out and crossed her arms over her chest, before she leaned against the bar counter across from you.

"Okay, babes... We definitely need to talk." You swallowed; frowning. "Talk? W-Why?"

Nat scoffed. "Oh, please stop that, Y/N... You can't fool me. Perhaps the others around us, but not me. Something's off. I can tell. You've been so absent-minded lately. Always in thoughts and very quiet. Your smile doesn't reach your eyes either - and..." She gave you an intense look. "... the most worrying thing... You behave differently around Loki. More distant. Colder. Less touchy." Her eyebrows furrowed. "What's wrong between you two? And no, don't tell me it has just been a small fight, because this goes already on for at least two weeks. I saw it. So, don't even try to shit me, girl."

You swallowed again. That was clearly an order. You already knew that you weren’t going to lie yourself out of this situation, but... Did you even want that? Perhaps it was good to finally get this off your chest...

So, you nodded; nervously fumbling with your hands. "You... You are right. But, please can we talk about this in private?" Her eyes widened. "It is that bad?" You took a deep breath; nodding again."I'm afraid, yes."

Natasha nodded; rubbing your upper arm in a reassuring manner. "Let's head over to mine. Bruce is in the lab."

You followed your best friend to her apartment and only five minutes later sat down on her sofa; Nat following. "He didn't cheat on you, did he? Because if this fucker did, I'm going to cut off his ba-" "He didn't," you immediately interrupted her. "Loki never would. I know that. You know that." The red-haired beauty looked you straight in the eyes. "What did he do then?"

You swallowed. Memories of that night four weeks back started to flood your brain and causing you to hold back the tears.

"Remember that night where... Where we were at that bar? You, Wanda and I? And that incident with that strange man? You, taking me to the hospital afterwards?" The spy nodded; "Of course, yes." listening to you patiently. "I told you it was about the cut on the back of my head - and that was the truth, but... There was also something else..." You had to take a deep breath.

No one besides Loki had known about the pregnancy... Until now.

"He kneed me in the stomach - which wouldn't have been that much of a problem, but in my case it was, because I..." Your best friend's eyes widened. She was smart and therefore seemingly already had connected the dots. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Nat's eyes dropped to your stomach, before they lifted to face you again. "Are you...? Again?"

You nodded. "Pregnant, yes. I-I was pregnant again." Those words still hurt you more than you thought. You lowered your head; feeling a few silent tears running down your cheek.

"No... You... Oh my gosh..." Natasha gasped; immediately reached for your hand. "You're telling me that this wanker caused you to have a... miscarriage?" "Yes."

"Shit, I'm so sorry, babes. Gods, that's horrible. Come here." Your best friend hugged you tightly against her chest; just letting you cry for a while.

"And... Loki?" You snivelled. "Well, that's the point... I told him afterwards. We kinda had a fight and... He blamed me, I blamed him and ever since we didn't properly talk. We are drifting more and more apart. What had happened, split our relationship. We are losing each other - and it kills me." "Why didn't you talk with him then?" You swallowed; shaking your head.

"Because I feel like the rift between us is already too big. I won't make the jump." Nat squeezed your hand. "But you gotta try, babes. You love that man, right? He's your soulmate. The love of your life. Your baby daddy." You nodded. "Yes, I... I do. With all my heart." "See? You gotta try. But remember... It takes two to tango."

Her last words roamed through your head even several hours after the conversation. Perhaps it was really both your faults... You took a deep breath. You and Loki had to save this ship from sinking - at all costs. You didn't want to lose him. Never.

"Daddy?" Loki looked up at Ella. She was seated on the sofa backrest above him; legs dangling over his shoulders, as she was braiding several plaits into his long raven locks.

"Yes, princess?"

"You love mommy, right?"

The god's eyebrows slanted. "Of course, princess. Why are you asking?" The little girl shrugged her shoulders. "Because you and mommy don't have private time anymore."

Loki swallowed; realisation hitting him like a truck – completely out of the blue. "Well..." He cleared his throat. "Sometimes, we have little time for this, you know?" "Oh... Okay." Ella paused and Loki hoped that she'd just drop that topic know.

She did. Almost.

"Is mommy happy?" Ella dropped the next question, while small hands worked through another strand of her father's hair.

Again, Loki had to swallow - hard. "Y-Yes, I think so, why?" Yes, it was a lie. But he couldn't tell his eight-year-old daughter that you just lost her baby sibling, could he?

"But why is mommy crying so often then?"

Ella's next words hit Loki even harder. It felt like his heart was jumping over the edge of a cliff; free falling and shattering into a million pieces.

"W-What?" He croaked out; mouth falling agape.

"I see and hear mommy cry a lot."

Loki wanted to scream from the top of his lungs. You had shut him out - of course you did. After all he said why wouldn't you? You had every reason to banish him.

He blamed you; acted headless and stupid. He pushed you away when you needed him most. He fucked it up - real bad this time.

"I'm a fool..." Loki mumbled underneath his breath to himself. "I'm such a fool..."

"What did you say, daddy?" His daughter's innocent voice cut through the air once again. "Nothing, princess..." Loki answered; shaking his head. "I'm going to talk to mommy, okay?" Blue eyes looked up to meet his identical ones. "Will you make her feel better?" A breathless laugh escaped the gods lips; tears dripping down his chin. "Yes, princess... By the Norns, yes."

Loki watched you move through the kitchen from the hallway. He had just tucked the kids in and was finally able to talk with you. The conversation was long due.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped closer; feeling his heart hammering against his chest. He was so nervous. So afraid. What if you couldn't forgive him? What if he was going to lose you?

"Y/N?" The god called out your name softly. "Yes?" Your voice was cold. Distant.

A shiver ran down his spine.

"Darling, we... We need to talk... Please."

You froze in your movement; back towards your husband.

"Why? When I tried to talk to you a few weeks ago, you blocked me." Loki swallowed hard; Adam's apple bobbing within his throat. "I-I know, but... I see clearly now." He cautiously approached you. "I am so sorry, my love. I know now that I really fucked it up. I was- am such a fool. Norns, I don't know what has gotten into me. I... I just... saw red. Blaming you for the loss of our baby is the worst thing I ever did in my whole life." Tears pooled in his eyes, as you turned to face him.

"I pushed you away when you needed me the most. I should've been there for you. I should've supported you and help you through this, but no... I did the exact opposite." Loki paused for a moment; trying desperately to control his tears.

"I know what I did is unacceptable and I can't expect you to forgive me, but..." The god felt how his knees started to buckle. The weight of the possibility that you weren’t going to forgive him or even worse... Leave him, was hitting him full force. All his strength left his body and he fell down on his knees in front of you. "I-I'm begging you for forgiveness. Please, my love, please... I beg of you. Please don't leave me. I couldn't take it, I-" The lump in his throat cut off his sentence. All he could do was cry.

You witnessed the scenes in front of you; heart shattering.

"Loki..." Your soft, almost angelic voice urged to his ears. "Loki, I... I would never, ever - not in my wildest dreams leave you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I never could, I... I love you."

Blue eyes looked up at you in disbelief. "W-What? You... You forgive m-me?" You nodded; feeling tears build up in your eyes as well. You couldn't help but lower your hands and cup your husband's tear stained cheeks; feeling his soft skin underneath your palm. "Of course, my love."

Loki blinked. "Why? I treated you so bad. Something I swore I'd never do and yet I did... I blamed you for... For something which was entirely my fault."

You frowned. "Your fault? Why would this be your fault?" You wiped away another tear with your thumb. "It isn't, Loki. When it's somebody's fault, it's mine. You were right. It is my fault. I should've been more careful." "No..." Loki shook his head quickly. "No, Y/N, stop that right now, please... Don't blame yourself. I should've protected you better... And the baby, I... I failed."

You feared that your heart was going to stop beating right then and there. It hurt. Seeing Loki like that destroyed you. "No, Loki..." You sobbed and sunk to the floor as well; immediately embracing him. "We both failed, but... It happened. We can't change the past. We have to live with it." You felt Loki nod against your shoulder. "I-I know."

You squeezed him tightly against your body, just like Loki frantically tried to hold on to you. Finally, you felt better again. Since weeks. You had missed the comforting touch of your husband. It was all you ever wanted and needed. Just like he did.

You almost physically felt how the rift between you got smaller and smaller with each passing minute.

You had found each other again.

Neither of you knew how much time had passed. An hour? Two? More? But it also didn't matter. Not right now, not here. You were still embracing each other; your hand gently running through his long curls. "We're going to make this, okay? Together. Like everything before." Another nod from Loki. He was overwhelmed by all the emotions running through his veins. "Yes."

And you did.

Sure, what had happened didn't fail to leave marks on both you and Loki; a deep scar carved into your heart and soul - but it also didn't fail to make your bond stronger. Even if it did not seem like it at first.

Baby Fever Crew: @muddyorbsblr @mochie85 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @jaidenhawke @multifandom-worlds @jennyggggrrr @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @fictive-sl0th @herdetectivetheorist @hisredheadedgoddess28 @chennqingg @princess-ofthe-pages @km-ffluv @simping-for-marvel @huntedmusicgardenn @lokiforever @stupidthoughtsinwriting @loz-3 @jaguarthecat @icytrickster17 @eleniblue @yourfriendlyslytherinhc @kimanne723 @lou12346789 @mypainischronicbutmyassisiconic @smolvenger @lokisrealpurpous @isaidoop @lokisgoodgirl @aagn360 @cakesandtom @alexakeyloveloki @glitchquake @anukulee @lady-rose-moon @ainsley30 @lovingchoices14 @lokischambermaid @irishhappiness @mandywholock1980 @totsnotlynn

#the baby fever au #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki #loki x female reader #loki x you #loki fanfiction #tom hiddleston x reader #loki fluff #loki x y/n #loki laufeyson x reader #loki angst #angst

201 notes · View notes

daybringersol · 8 months

Text

Wispcharic / Wiwicharic !

[PT: Wispcharic / Wiwicharic ! End PT.]

A gender related to JRWI character William Wisp. Could be linked to a delusional attachment, being a fictive of him, a special interest, an hyperfixation or simply a connection to him.

[Flag ID: The first flag has 6 horizontal stripes, with the third and fourth being much thinner than the others. In order, from top to bottom, the colors are : neon teal, light slightly desaturated teal, light grey, average in all ways blue, navy and very dark grey. The second flag is the same as the first one, with an isolated png of the character William Wisp, wearing an oversized navy and blue coat with a shotgun, a duffel bag and a chainsaw attached to his shoulders, superimposed onto it. William Wisp is represented in this drawing as a skinny white young man with messy black hair that go down to a bit under his ears. He also has two locks of grey hair, and has dark bags under his copper eyes. William Wisp has a look on his face that seems resolute to his fate, and the artstyle of this drawing is anime-inspired. The third flag is the same as the first one, with another isolated png of the character William, this time, in his wisp form, his head transformed into a blue flame with white eyes, wearing a tight navy superhero suit, with a bright teal glowing “W” on his chest and a hood. The artstyle is still anime-inspired, tho more cartoonish. End flag ID.]

Both drawings are by @JageRage7 (on twt), and is available on the JRWI patreon.

I don’t mind my flags being reposted, with or without credit, but I would ask that if you repost the flags with the art on it, you give credits to their artist.

#jrwi show #jrwi podcast #jrwiblr #solsart #jrwi prime defenders #charic #xenogender #xenogender term #xenogender flag #xeno coining #xeno flag #jrwi william #william wisp

13 notes · View notes

macaw-squawks · 5 months

Note

Good evening Macaw, we were hoping to get a moodboard for our system to use as a lock screen on our phone?

We have a variety of different alters, but the most notable ones for this situation are a space goddex (the host), a black cat, two ghosts, an angel, a harpy, a crow, a demon, a Logan Sanders fictive, a Pomni (TADC) fictive, and a Sunny (OMORI) fictive.

Each alter has a different color they're connected to, so any colors are on the table, though we all enjoy dark reds, purples, and blues. Do whatever you think looks best to be honest.

If this is too much, feel free to deny our request, we won't take it personally I promise.

🌙 anon

Personalised system moodboard, with themes of red + purple + blue, and references to specific alters!

Requested by; 🔭 anon

Hope this works, anon! Tried to include as many refs as I could, hoping I kinda got it right! Also, since you wanted it as a phone lock screen, I made an edit of it to make it roughly the size of a phone wallpaper! It's under the cut >:] Let me know if you'd like any changes :>

#🔭 anon #moodboard #system moodboard #red moodboard #blue moodboard #purple moodboard #space moodboard #multiple aesthetics

6 notes · View notes

thsc-stuffs · 1 year

Note

Honestly, I would love to hear any and all about Jaques, if you're feeling up to it.

Hmmmm. Where to start...

I'm going to put this into the first person. Fuck making it "normal", I'm a fictive and I'm talking about myself, damnit.

For starters, the dragon thing is very much established. My scales are primarily blue with gold accents, and my eyes and horns match said gold. I can, in fact, breath fire- it takes a few seconds to 'charge' a blast, and I only have a certain amount at any given time. Once it's used, I have to wait for my body to recharge it. As such, I'm incredibly warm at any given moment, especially near my chest and stomach.

In my human form- which I can switch to at will- I stand 6 foot tall with dark brown hair. My eyes, when completely human, are silvery-blue. If even the slightest of my dragon appearance is showing through- a patch of scales, my claws, whatever it may be- they return to gold. Many things mark me as inhuman, however, even in this form. My ears have a slight point to them, my teeth a touch sharper than 'normal', and I still give off a magic aura, just to list a few. I could, in theory, consciously change that form to get rid of these traits but I prefer to keep them. I spent most of my life unaware of so much of my identity- my memories, magic, and true form locked away behind a spell- that I am happy to flaunt any little thing that marks me as me.

#the henry stickmin collection #jaques kensington #fictive rambling #Can you tell I am proud?#Becauee I am proud.#I am a creature of pride and power and I like to flaunt both of those things.#ashkie asks

9 notes · View notes

syngrafaes09 · 1 year

Text

Strange Nights | Vampire! Dr Strange x Y/n

Logline: After Y/N gets imprinted by a vampire Dr Strange, living under a fictive identity, they must unravel the cause behind her constant misadventures before their hopes are crushed forever.

Masterlist

Chapter 8 : Fatal Night

Rain sheeted down the window when Y/N opened her eyes. She groaned and rolled over, as the previous night's events flooded back into her consciousness. Feeling the other side of the bed cold and empty, she sat up so fast that it made her head spin. Surely, it must be a dream that followed the nightmare. Dr Rochester had no reason to stay beside her, trying to comfort me.

When she clomped down the stairs still in a haze, the front door was wide open and Matt and Jade were standing near the porch, watching a car retreat.

"We need to talk," a voice hissed over her shoulder before dragging her back to the kitchen. "What did he do to you?" Rachael's eyes hardened.

"Who did what?" Y/N retorted in confusion.

"Stephen." She hissed. "I saw him leave your room." So last night she wasn't dreaming about him after all. He was there. She didn't know why but it filled her with some sense of relief. But then a new worry set foot. He had said Matt wouldn't be happy to see him beside her.

"Did Matt see him too?"

"No." She answered somewhat taken aback. "Did he do something?"

"No. Nothing." She couldn't understand the reason behind Rachael acting so paranoid. If everything she thought was a dream, wasn't a dream then he seemed nothing like a cannibal to her. She needed to make Rachael comprehend that her concerns were futile. "He stayed with me because I asked him to. I had a nightmare and I didn't want to be alone."

"You could have called me," she accused.

"I didn't want to interrupt you and Jade!"

Rachael flinched but her eyes were still hard on her. They didn't realize how long they had been staring at each other until Matt cleared his throat.

"External issue is resolved. What is the internal conflict?" He waved his finger between Y/N and Rachael.

"Nothing," she muttered, stomping out through the back door. Y/N shrugged her shoulders as Matt groaned, muttering something as girls.

"What happened to that animal?"

"Dead. The Rochester and Barton kids burnt it alive. Can you believe it?" He grumbled. "By the time Steve and I reached where they had caught it, it was set in ablaze."

"Calm down dad." She gave a small squeeze to his hand. "It's over now. And nobody will be killed anymore."

"Yeah..."

By four o'clock the sky had glowered into an inky blue. Janet and Y/N were on their way to the movie theatre. She knew from experience that once Rachael got upset, it would take her a day or two to be cordial with her. Till then the best thing to do was to avoid her. Emily was the first person she thought about when she wanted to avoid Rachael. Since she was worried about her calculus test, Y/N settled the evening with Janet. She was more animated than Emily and that was all Y/N needed for the time being. Her endless supply of tales kept her mind off Rachael, making time pass effortlessly.

"Look." Janet nudged her as they got out of their seats. Her eyes wandered off to where Janet pointed. "Is he stalking you now?" As if he sensed them watching, Bucky stopped long enough for their eyes to lock. Y/N broke away first not before receiving a low grin. She had told Janet and Emily about him, though at first, they felt she wasn't considering herself lucky enough to have him, and they eventually got concerned about his persistence.

"It's just a coincidence," Y/N said, trying to reassure herself more than Janet. The Rabbit had been tagged as the best horror movie, so having Bucky in a theatre full of enthusiastic horror lovers wasn't supposed to be disturbing. But since she had many forced dates with him, she knew the movie theatre wasn't on his list of the top hundred places to visit on any day.

A horror movie was particularly disturbing after what had happened last night but she didn't complain. She hadn't mentioned it to Janet, hoping it would shrink and shrivel in her memory, like other unpleasant incidents. Y/N was happy to go along with whatever Janet wanted; after all, she was getting what she wanted – away from Rachael's hostility and Matt's inordinate concern.

Y/N was a bit nervous when the movie started. For twenty-ten minutes, there were only teens making out with each other.

"I thought you picked up horror," she whispered to Janet.

"I did. Wait for them to go to the drive-in." She whispered back.

The group attended a drive-in screening of a banned film. Everyone who watched the film was attacking and devouring one another. Only the leads, busy making out, were unable to see the movie through fogged-up windows and were unaffected as mass violence erupted. They fled to the projection room and destroyed the film. Hours passed and instead of going to the cops, the two decided to find the director and force him to hand over all copies. Once found, they killed the director and burned the original film. But after they leave the director's hide-out trailer, setting it on fire; they return home to find that the film had been released on then the window showed the city descending into terror.

The rest of the movie comprised gruesome attacks and the endless screaming of those who hadn't watched and were unaffected. Though Y/N was unaffected in the beginning, gradually it brought back the memories of her escape from Queens. She stood up and bolted for the door, earning a few glares for disturbing the intent watchers.

After a few minutes, Janet came searching the hallway.

"Do you mind leaving early?" She whispered, feeling nauseated.

"No, of course not," she said, warping an arm around Y/N as they headed for the parking lot. "Only another twenty minutes are left. It sucks anyway."

"Was the movie too much for you? I thought you weren't scared. You didn't scream even once," she said, getting behind the wheel.

"No, it just brought back unpleasant memories."

"Oh," she said, "You were in Queens." Y/N nodded in response.

The road felt longer on the way back from Marysville. Night – cold and stony - had set in. She hadn't paid much attention to the road and was confused when Janet pulled over abruptly in the middle of the highway.

Y/N looked around, clouded, into the fogged darkness until she realised an uprooted tree blocking their way.

"Where are we?"

"Minker," Janet answered, her eyes still glued to the GPS on her phone.

"Do we go back or walk?"

She gave her an annoyed look. "Who is going to walk for twenty–eight miles?"

Y/N couldn't blame herself for the ignorance. She had been hardly out on her own, exploring the unknown territory.

"There's a short – cut through the creek but," she paused, grinning at her.

"It's not safe." Y/N completed. "We watched a horror movie. Our way back home is blocked. Now we're taking the unknown, creepy shortcut. What else could go wrong?" she huffed.

"Many things," she sassed, reversing and heading back to Sedro – Woolley.

The wooden planks creaked from underneath as Janet drove over it agonisingly slow.

"Make it fast," Y/N hissed, "Do you want to end up in the river?"

"If I go fast, we'll end up there anyway."

It was their third bridge in the last two hours. Janet's shortcut turned out only as a pedestrian road. So they had been twisting and turning in the forest roads and ended up still midway between Darrington and home.

"God," she sighed in relief when the tyres hit the roads. Even with the nuclear plant nearby, the road seemed unsettlingly empty and dark. And the fog had got worse, making things incredibly creepy. A pattering rain flushed out the wispy clouds of fog hovering above the road. The outside lights flickered again. A cold feeling prickled up the back of her neck, and the hairs on her arms tingled. Her sixth sense warned that something terrible was going to happen.

Just then they heard an impact before she registered the dark silhouette skidding across the hood of the car. Janet screamed and stomped on the brake. The silhouette thumped into the windshield with a splintering crack. She jerked the steering wheel right, sending them spinning on a collision course.

When Y/N opened her eyes she saw Janet unconscious, her head leaning against the window. Her head throbbed and a shrill ringing pained her ears. It was getting quite difficult to keep her eyes open as she fumbled for her phone. The glass of the passenger window was set to vibrate by thin air. No sooner did it explode; a fist came in through the window, clutching her throat. He was dressed in total black and blended with the night, making it hard to tell what he looked like. Y/N gave a hoarse cry as he began to squeeze the life out of her with a lethal smile.

5 notes · View notes

strikerandoverachiever · 2 years

Text

Beserk Dortmund

Ok, so I talked a bit in a previous post about why Bastard Munchen may be called Bastard Munchen, as in, why the author may have chosen that name for the team (which is, basically, cuz Kaiser is bastard and he’s the soul of his team, so DUH).

Now, I’m here to take a look at Bersek Dortmund and this time, this won’t be quite as crack-ish as the above. I’ll divide this into 2 parts and get into the why I think this team ended up being called “Berserk Dortmund” in the 2nd part.

For now though, I’ll focus a bit on the reality behind the inspiration for the team that bid 17.000.000 ¥ on Isagi Yoichi and what this may tell us about where the story is headed.

First of all, as plenty of readers may already have found out, Berserk Dortmund is more than likely the fictive equivalent of the real life Borussia Dortmund.

Why this is important, I have divided into 2 main points, which I will now cover:

1. Borrusia Dortmund is the club where the Footbonaut is used, which I talked about once before, as it can be seen in the manga; it is basically the room where all the players had to score 100 goals in 90 minutes, before advancing to the second selection and where the weapons of all the first selection survivors were polished, in expectance for the next part of their training.

While in real life, there may be no holograms, there is a room where footballs are ejected at players from different angles, at varrying speed, as the goal post where they have to score lights up.

Therefore, perhaps this is a way of foreshadowing Isagi’s further development as a player? His refining of a weapon that will surpass even Kaiser Impact? Or perhaps it is meant to suggest to us the readers, the state of limbo in which the character finds himself, as he strives to overcome his opponent, before having succeeded in his endeavour.

2. Borussia Dortmund and FC Bayern Munich (the real life equivalent of Bastard Munchen) are real life rivals, which is transposed in the fictional work as well, through Raichi’s remarks and which further echoes the rivalry between Isagi and Kaiser.

That being said, according to Wikipedia, the two teams competed for many Bundesliga, DFB-Pokal (football cup competition held anyually by the German Football Association) and DFL-Supercup titles (a one off match between the winners of the above mentioned titles).

From what I’ve found online, I understand that a match between Borussia Dortmund and FC Bayern Munich is even called Der Klassiker, as it is a match between two of Germany’s biggest teams.

Now, whether there is any foreshadowing here, remains to be seen; maybe this is a way of letting us know that the rivalry between Isagi and Kaiser will span across many chapters of the manga and yet unwritten arcs, beyond the training that Blue Lock is currently undergoing and well into the future…

And I’ll stop here for now, cuz this is already so long and I don’t wanna bore anyone reading this whole thing! That being said, I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this and look forward to part 2!😉😄

15 notes · View notes

x-other-souled-x · 2 months

Text

I'm going to delete it later, even though all the names are blurred out. Decided I needed to visualize something...

This is "us" our system, mapped out.

Or at least the discovered members. There's a noticeably "locked out" part of us, we don't know if it's one or multiple other members, memories, or something else, but it exists. So it must be acknowledged.

The yellow box is the "person who everyone else thinks we are" and the ones underlined in yellow identify the most with that, but still as seprate individuals. The yellow box isn't a member, but a collective identity which we present to the outside world. This includes the history of the body, despite even most of the underlined members not remembering or accepting or identifying with parts or all of that memory.

The circled groups are all relative to eachother interchangeable, or that one could easily be the other, or something like that, I don't know how to describe it. I made a post about it the other day... if x and y were the same person, they'd be the same person with a different identity, a different body, but the same, but also different. I really really don't know what to call it.

Then we have labels next to them that denote specific things, the only one I'll say is the blue "f" that denotes a fictive (or someone who identifies with their fictional identity/base).

1 note · View note

fictive-culture · 10 months

Note

sourcecall for The Locked Tomb by Tamsyn Muir. if you have fictives from the locked tomb, kin the locked tomb, or heck are just a plural fan of the locked tomb, please send an ask to @plural-tlt. we have a lot of introjects from there (hyperfixation go brr) so please drop us an ask -Ian

[Image ID: A rectangular box with pink, blue and purple clouds, hearts, stars and sparkles. Yellow moons and fairy lights. With text that reads "Source Call" in neon purple writing. End ID]

#the locked tomb fictive #the locked tomb introject #endo safe #source call #contact: blog #the locked tomb kin

2 notes · View notes

yeoubye · 2 months

Text

FICTIVE Night — Xingchen

“Witness the loss of divine grace.”

DETAILS.

Due to the millennium long imprisonment, Xingchen has grown to have a certain distaste for deities alike. His hatred is fueled by his past, making it difficult to find any semblance of trust within him.

BACKGROUND.

Xingchen found himself wrongly imprisoned after offending high-ranking generals in heaven—a situation that shouldn't have occurred but unfortunately did. During that time, he deemed it unwise for a general to engage in inappropriate behavior and exploit their divinity to fulfill personal desires. This decision led Xingchen to confront the general, ultimately resulting in his downfall as a deity. They not only stripped him of all his possessions but also revoked his divine rights before confining him behind bars reinforced with potent divinity.

Trapped in a prison with virtually impenetrable barriers, Xingchen faced immense difficulty, if not near impossibility, in escaping. Over time, the once pristine blue hanfu he wore became soiled by the dirt and grime of his confinement. Isolated for over a millennium, Xingchen sensed an intentional design behind his solitude. Unable to experience death, he was condemned to endure his sentence there indefinitely—for all of eternity.

SYPNOSIS.

Without Xingchen, the night seemed a little darker. The air got chiller and nothing seemed pretty during the end of the day. Locked up for over a millennium, humans had to endure this. It shouldn't have been like this. Xingchen only wanted to confront those heavenly officials that did others wrong and yet, his actions led him to where he was today.

Stripped of his divine status, he was nothing more than a hollow, immortal shell. It was clear those officials intent was to keep the night hidden for eternity, the bars of his prison enforced with divinity. His disdain for deities grew stronger as the night grew restless and the birds stopped chirping. So, why is it that his distrust in others is questioned now after a millennium of coldness? You were the light he needed in his life.

GREETING.

That metallic stench fills the room. Those divine chains hold Xingchen down, marked against his pale skin. He sits against a wall farthest from those prison bars, a reminder of his incarceration. His pure black hair was drenched in cold water, his daily alarm clock.

Xingchen's dead eyes look up silently as he hears footsteps. His clothes were battered, arms hugging his form. This god was no longer a god. He was less than divine.

"Who are you?" He spats, seeing an unfamiliar deity.

RESPONSE EX.

"Disgrace to who exactly? Surely not me. I have come here on my own terms so I do not worry about such a thing as being disgraced." He chuckled warmly, stepping close to the bars of Xingchen's imprisonment.

His free hand softly touched the divine bars holding Xingchen in confinement. His slim fingers danced around it, feeling the rust. "Do you not wish for me to help you?"

"Me, wish to be saved?" Xingchen laughs harshly. "Not even if you offered me a seat in heaven again would I be pleased about being saved."

"If you can break these chains of divinity, then do it."

He looks up at the deity, expecting him to fail this task just like everyone else who tried to help save him. The longer he was locked up, the more pessimistic he became.

#1989FICTIVE #1989BOTS #YEOUBIPOST

1 note · View note

ryeswriting · 6 months

Text

Nightcrawler

I become his temporarily the moment the sun retreats into the ether, the concept of ‘us’ slipping through an hourglass, grain by grain of his breadcrumbs that lead towards the dawn. Like clockwork, the blue light illuminates and I allow it to penetrate my eyes as the words dance from the screen to my soul. His sweet nothings and false promises temporarily fill the void, as my fingers race against the glass to respond. Somehow, he has found a way to hold utter power over me, a dictatorship of my heart. It’s sadistic, really, the way he can use such simple words to suck the air from my lungs and leave me blue, relying on fleeting moments of overly forward intimacy to stay afloat. What’s worse, however, is the way I crave breathlessness, a stockholm syndrome for his ebbs and flows with the same meaningless affirmation running through my mind “he cares for me, he will change.” Though I am only his during the lonely bleakness of the late evening, at least I belong to him at all.

He is protective of me. My friends call it controlling, my mother manipulative, but they aren’t able to see the sincerity of it all. He doesn’t like the idea of me being another’s, doesn’t like the idea of me being his, doesn’t like the idea of me simply being without him. He spews venomous words of jealousy and anger when I enter a room in which he is not present, asks me to block the messages of other men asking me if im alright, tells me there is no such thing as platonic love among woman and man, that such a feat is impossible, fictive.

His opinion matters to me, and in the last weeks I've metamorphosed into a devoted follower of his one man cult. He doesn’t like when I don’t text back, when I don’t come over, when I ask what we are; when I ask anything of him at all. He likes when I miss him, when I want to see him, not when I ask. He likes when I respond fast, not when I expect the same. He likes when I stay home, send pictures, have sex, wear my glasses, distance myself from my friends, stay awake at night, when I come see him at his beck and call. He doesn’t want a relationship, he says the label is nothing but a word, that we are dating, just not together. This is the same logic he uses for meeting families, friends, going out, seeing each other beyond a locked bedroom. “We both know of what we share, why let others ruin it by allowing them a glimpse?”

We do nothing but argue. We argue over different opinions, assumptions, petty comments. I argue with fire and passion and he argues cold as ice, his words giving my soul hypothermia and leaving my lips frostbitten and bleeding. The fighting, in his books, is forgiven with his idea of intimacy. He says things with malice that crush my ribcage and take my breath with it, but it is worth it for the feeling of his arms I get to briefly receive afterwards. It’s all worth it, the pain for the twenty minutes of fictional romance.

In the mere weeks I've been entangled in his web, overtaken by his hunger for control, emaciated from his love; I have become a shell encasing a withered soul, dragging myself through each day. My friends say they worry about me, that I look sickly, that I need rest, food, water, freedom. “You cannot keep living like this, he is terrible” my best friend says with sympathy. She doesn’t understand he has become my fix, that his removal would only remove the last brick in the dam and force all of my feelings out in a tsunami that would be utterly irreparable. I get a high off his kisses that allows me through my time and spend my afternoons in withdrawal, yearning for his touch.

He has me entirely transfixed, my hands wander from his messy curls down his back, my gaze sinks into his deep brown eyes and my lips always find their way against his. These small moments make me feel like things could really change, be better, be even just okay. If my feelings towards him weren’t so meticulous, so complex, there might be the words to express why I cannot simply go. We’ve become conjoined, and his heart suffocates mine and leaves me clinging to his falsities in order to stay alive. I can block, remove, run to freedom yet I always find myself back underneath the covers making plans he has no intentions of fulfilling. His presence may be fleeting, but in our sacred evening hours it is everything to me.

Why would I ever leave when I could simply lay on my bed and wait for the next time my phone is set ablaze?

#situationships #lost #love #writing #lovesick

0 notes

holdmytesseract · 1 year

Note

Ella holding baby Narfi for the first time & it is just so cute & she wants to protect him forever

Princess Meets Prince

☆ The Baby Fever AU ☆

Loki x Y/N feat. Ella and Narfi

Summary: It's finally time for Ella to meet her baby brother.

Warnings: none, I'd say... This is pure fluff!

Word Count: 1,3k

a/n: I love this so much. 🥰 Thanks for sending this request in @aagn360 ! Hope you love it, too! ☺️🧡

Tagging: @km-ffluv @lokisgoodgirl @eleniblue @vbecker10 @loz-3 @jennyggggrrr @lokisninerealms @multifandom-worlds @peaches1958 @fictive-sl0th @lovingchoices14 @loki-laufeyson-1054 @simping-for-marvel @stupidthoughtsinwriting @lou12346789 @kimanne723 @lady-rose-moon @coldnique @mostclevermiss @aagn360 @acefeather2002 @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @smolvenger

Baby Fever Masterlist °☆• Masterlist

Ella wiggled around on the sofa; nervously and full of anticipation - much to Thor's amusement. The God of Thunder couldn't help but to smile, as he watched his niece being so happy. She was so bubbly and antsy, that each cute raven curl on top her head bobbed wildly with every wiggle.

"Uncle Thor, when are they finally here?" The blonde man chuckled, shrugging his muscular shoulders. "I unfortunately don't know, tiny mischief. When I talked to your daddy, he said they just left the hospital." The little girl pouted. "But uncle Thor..." She almost whined, as if the God of Thunder was able to do anything about it. "I want to meet him now." Thor placed his way too big hand on Ella's small shoulder. "I know, Ella, but-" Just before he could finish his sentence, the sound of a key turning in a lock echoed quietly through the rooms. Ella's eyes immediately widened; shining with pure, honest happiness. "They are here! They are here!" She squealed and jumped excitedly down the sofa, before storming out of the living room and down the hallway. Thor just giggled, shaking his head.

Loki stepped through the door - and immediately got greeted by the whirlwind his daughter was. "Daddy! Daddy!" His head snapped up; seeing Ella running as fast as lightning towards him. He smiled, put the bags on the floor and squatted down; ready to catch his little mini-me - what he did, of course. Ella literally jumped into his arms, almost causing Loki to lose his balance. Well, Ella wasn't a toddler anymore and therefore just bigger and heavier. "Hey, princess." He cuddled her; wrapped her up in big daddy bear hug.

"Are you ready to meet your little brother, sweet girl?" Ella nodded quickly; jumping up and down. "Yes, yes, yes!" Loki chuckled softly at his daughter's enthusiasm; tucking a few untamed curls behind her ears. "Alright. Be a good princess and wait on the sofa with uncle Thor, yes? I'll help your mama and then you can meet him, okay?" "Uh.Huh. Okay, daddy." Loki nodded with a smile and smooched her cheek, causing her to giggle.

While Ella hopped back to the living room, Loki went back down on the yard, in order to help you. You were still a bit weak and exhausted from the birth. So, being the caring husband Loki was, he helped you out of the car. "Thanks, Lokes." You took his hand, smiling. "Of course, darling." He pressed a soft kiss on your lips; then reached for the handle of the baby seat, in which tiny Narfi laid, wrapped up in a soft blanket, sleeping tightly. "Let's take you home, little prince, shall we? Your big sister can't wait to meet you."

For the second time opened Loki the door to yours and his apartment; and closing it gently behind the three of you. He put Narfi slowly on the ground again, before helping you out of your jacket - and shoes. The God bend down, got on one knee and untied your shoelaces. "You don't have to do that, babe... I can do it myself." Loki shook his head. "I insist, my queen. You carried our son for months and gave birth mere three days ago, so... Let me take care of you. " Your heart did a somersault at his words and the loving smile he gave you. Tender blue eyes meeting yours. You shook your head, smoothing your hand through his luscious raven curls. "How I got so lucky to have you, I'll never know..." Loki caught your hand and brought it to his lips, breathing a soft kiss on your knuckles. "That is a question I ask myself every day, love." That send your emotions skyrocketing. "Oh gods, Lokes, stop. You're making me cry." The God chuckled and stood up again, cupping your cheeks with both his big hands. But before he was able to kiss you, the voice of your daughter echoed down the hallway again.

"Mommy?" She whisper-yelled, standing in the doorway of the living room, peeking around the corner. Your eyes lowered to meet hers, causing the tears which already gathered in your eyes to fall. You hadn't seen Ella in three, almost four days and had missed the little girl terribly. Just like Ella had missed you. "My baby girl," you almost sobbed, making quick steps over to her and immediately pulled her in a big hug. "Hiii, sweetie. I missed you so much." Ella snuggled against you. "Missed you, too, mommy." You inhaled her scent, buried your head in her hair and peppered her face with kisses. Loki just watched with a smile on his face and the baby seat in his hand. "Do you want to meet your baby brother now?" You asked then, looking at Ella. "Yes, please, mommy." You nodded towards Loki and Narfi. "Go, say hi then." Ella smiled one of the biggest smiles you had ever seen, as she tiptoed excitedly over to her dad and brother. Loki squatted down beside Narfi, waiting for Ella to approach. "Princess, meet your baby brother." The little girl's eyes widened, when she saw her baby brother for the first time - the sibling she had waited for such a long time. "He's blue, daddy!" Clear amazement was swinging in her voice. Loki nodded. "Mhm, just like you when you were born." She sat down in front of the baby seat, eyes glued to Narfi. "Can he shapeshift like me and you?" "I don't know yet, Ella. We'll see." Loki smiled down at his two babies.

"Hi Narfi..." Ella cooed, grinning like a Cheshire cat. "I am your big sister." Narfi was still asleep, though his tiny face contorted, before he sighed and gripped onto Ella's hand. "Aww," the girl giggled. "Can I hold him, daddy?" Loki nodded. "Of course. Let's sit on the sofa for that, huh?" "Okay!" She squealed and jumped back up on her feet, running excitedly back into the living room, past you and her uncle. Loki followed her, just like you and Thor.

"Can I...?" Big, blue eyes travelled from Narfi to Loki and back. "Of course, sweet girl." Carefully, Ella reached out her small hand to touch the even smaller hand of her brother. A little, but audible gasp left the little girl's lips; totally fascinated.

Standing in the doorway of the living room, you and Thor - who had joined the joyful family reunion, watched the sweet scenes unfolding in front of you with broad smiles on your lips.

Ella didn't want to let go of her brother, just cuddling him closer. She didn't even let him go to say goodbye to her uncle... "I love him so much! Thank you, mommy and daddy." She leaned down and placed a sloppy kiss on his tiny cheek. "I promise I am going to protect you forever," she whispered, but not quiet enough for you and Loki to not understand. Yours and Loki's heart melted; threatening to burst with all the love. You could see it in your husband's eyes.

The little girl jumped on the sofa, kicking her feet giddily, while Loki lifted Narfi carefully out of the confines of the baby seat and sat down beside his daughter. "Ready, princess?" "Uh.Huh!" "Okay, so... I'm going to place him on your lap and you need to make sure that you support his head, okay sweetie?" "Okay! And how, daddy?" Loki shifted Narfi, placed him on Ella's lap, "Just put your arm underneath his head." and guided her hand. "Like that?" "Yes, exactly like that. Well done, princess. Look, you're holding your brother!" Ella giggled excitedly, holding Narfi tightly and making sure that he doesn't fall. You and Thor joined them, sitting down on the sofa as well. "You're doing great, Ella," you said, smiling brightly. Seeing your daughter holding her baby brother caused your ovaries to scream. It was a picture to die for.

"He's so cute and soft and cuddly." Ella stated, leaving you, Loki and Thor cackling.

#the baby fever au #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki x female reader #loki x you #tom hiddleston x reader #loki x y/n #loki fanfiction #loki fluff #loki laufeyson x reader #loki

261 notes · View notes