#but i also identified as a lesbian for many many years

[erinelliotc]

A few years ago I used to be that annoying "transmasc lesbians don't exist, this shit is harmful and invalidates both transmascs and lesbians" person, and now I'M the transmasc lesbian. Seems like the tables have turned, huh?

I've spent so many months, years, trying so hard to fit into these categories that I saw so many people talk about as if it were the definitive truth, and this shallow and simplistic vision seems to be gaining a lot of attention and traction here in Brazil. Isn't it ironic to free yourself from cisnormativity and heteronormativity and all these binary boxes to find yourself again trying to fit into other boxes and norms that don't actually describe your experience correctly? Because your experience with gender is so chaotic and confusing (as expected of a nonbinary identity, and even more so if you're neurodivergent too) that there's no simple way to describe it. Then when you find out what describes this, people say you can't identify yourself that way because two or more of your identities are "incompatible". I see people treating non-binarity as if it were an exact science, as if it were math, as if it were something simple and logical, as it is precisely the escape from what has been established in our society as the only two possible options, generating countless identities within a gray area outside this black and white vision, so of course it's something complex, abstract and subjective.

EDIT: One of my reasons for thinking this way was that I ignored that the transgender experience and the cisgender experience aren't and will never be equivalent. It's obvious that a cis man can't be a lesbian, but the same doesn't go for transmasc people, and I thought that admitting that was the same as being transphobic, denying the masculinity of transmascs, denying their male identity. I already had a debate on Twitter because people didn't want to admit that trans men and transmasc people in general can suffer misogyny and male chauvinism (as society can still see and treat us as women) because they also saw it as the same as saying transmasc people are women. The identity of trans people is a very complex experience that involves a series of factors that cis people will never experience. We cannot equate the trans experience with the cis experience.

I thought identifying as a butch lesbian was enough to describe my masculinity, but I realized that I felt like it didn't encompass everything I felt, I still felt like something was missing. Preventing and depriving myself of identifying with more explicit masculine identities was actually making me feel bad and dysphoric. So yeah, I've been avoiding identifying with male-aligned identities because I thought that would mean having to stop identifying as a lesbian, and I didn't want that, and I don't really feel like calling myself straight makes any sense.

I have a text in Portuguese talking about my experience as a butch lesbian, and I feel that now it also serves to describe my experience as a nonbinary transmasc (the part where I talk about not identifying with "traditional masculinity", but with a "different type", like "soft masculinity", is directly related to the fact that, in addition to being nonbinary, I don't identify as a man, I don't feel comfortable with the term "man", but rather with "boy"). I spent a few months wondering whether I was libramasculine or boyflux, and I ended up deciding that if I can't identify which one I am, maybe it makes more sense to just adopt both identities, maybe I am both then! I'm tired of trying to fit into supposed rules about being nonbinary. This is exactly how non-binarity shouldn't be. I'm supposed to feel free, not trapped again. My identity is my identity and that's nobody's business.

#lesbian #transmasc #butch #butch positivity #butch lesbian #sexuality #gender #gender identity #queer #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lesbianity #trans #nb #enby #gender noncomformity #gender nonconforming #desfem #non binary #nonbinary #masculinity #gnc #transgender #libramasculine #boyflux #nonbinary boy #nonbinary butch #enboy

[cuteallo]

so sorry but people being happy aloy kissed a girl isn’t biphobia and you guys really need to be careful about how you express that because you’re teetering on just hating lesbians

#tea.txt #hfw #burning shores #burning shores spoilers #listen i get it i am bi #and there have been a few outliers who ARE being biphobic #but i also identified as a lesbian for many many years #and a lot of what i’m seeing is two communities who both love women being pit against each other #why not - just a thought - be happy to have decent queer representation in a AAA game instead #it’s so unnecessary to have personal headcanons affect your enjoyment of something just because something else became canon #and yes i do also see aloy as bi. look at the choices the game gives you for aloy’s reactions to advances - especially with avad #but crying biphobia while shitting on lesbians is not the move #at the end of the day we are not the ones writing aloy’s story #and it’s important to engage with it as a work of fiction #not as an endorsement of one side over another #that’s all i have to say on this because not a single soul outside of shipping circles gives a shit #and i’m mostly a sidelines shipper. i dabble in it #just don’t like seeing any sort of bigotry in the community of something i really - truly - deeply care about #it happened with another AAA franchise i will not name

[mattodore]

Theo is bi?? Not trying to be rude I swear but he really comes across as a gay man? I somehow can’t picture him with a woman

hm... well, i can't say it's surprising that you'd think that, because i'm pretty sure i've only ever talked about his attraction to women on here once and it was only very recently (i think i mentioned it in his 60 questions post?). but theo's bi with a very strong preference for men.

the thing about theo is that he's very much real to me... so honestly i'm not gonna say he's 100% bisexual because i think it's something he's not even certain of himself. theo has a very hard time understanding his desires and knowing what he wants. um, and i think he's very averse to relationships, so he can try picturing himself with a woman the way you mentioned and he's always gonna be like hm... that's not for me. but he also has an even harder time picturing himself in a relationship with a man. so. his sexuality is something he struggles with alongside his desires. obviously his attraction to men is... really complicated and hard and he's repressed it for years of his life. but his attraction to women is also hard for him because of HOW exactly he's attracted to them... he doesn't want women the same way a straight man would want a woman ykwim? he doesn't want to perform masculinity the way society wants him to and i think he feels... almost as if he's doing something wrong no matter which way he acts on his attractions. so, yeah, he struggles a lot with his sexuality and he doesn't exactly know what he really wants.

but where I'M at with his character rn is that he's bisexual. maybe down the line this changes, but maybe not. i think where he's at right now is that while he hooks up with men most often, he still feels some attraction to women.

#river dipping #asks #anonymous #theodore doe #oc extras #echthroi #i open tumblr and this is the first thing i see... shifting into oc mode right as i wake up #i'm ONLY a little iffy on theo's sexuality bc theo himself is but matthias is 100% certain on his and i think all of my other ocs are too #well... dionte is repressing his and i think dutchie struggles but that's bc of catholicism yk how it is #theo's party friends are all gay so he doesn't really know anyone who's bi either... see this is why he needs to talk to imani and romeo #they're both bi and i think specifically talking to another bi man would really help him figure things out... #i actually identified as bi for... god... eight years i think? before realizing i was a lesbian and to this dayyyy i still question it #like am i really a lesbian or am i bi???? and i think that's also probably how it is for theo like no matter what i think he struggles #with knowing who he is................. one of his main traits is an unstable sense of self... it's why he has so many material possessions #he kind of uses them as... a window to his soul? and it's how he tries to understand himself #so obviously he struggles with his sexuality a lot... he really doesn't know who exactly he is

[blaintism]

blaine in blame it on the alchol has always been so interesting to me, and i wish that the episode was told more from his perspective. what always stands out are the things he says to kurt - it’s more confusing for him, and he’s trying to figure out who he is.

i wonder a lot about his journey with being gay to this point. perhaps he’s always had these questions, and came out before truly being sure of who he is, and if there’s one thing about blaine, he can fake confidence. it might be a degree of projecting, but i get this idea that, despite being “out and proud,” blaine still has a lot of insecurity about his sexuality, and, maybe just a little bit, is seeing if his attraction to rachel is real because of this insecurity. this seems very possible when, in the very next episode, blaine drops the absolute bomb that keeps me up at night that, at the very least in his mind, his father has tried to “make him straight,” and when later we learn about the sadie hawkins incident.

this is a kid who has been attacked for who he is, who believes his father doesn’t accept him, of course kissing a girl under the influence could give him these thoughts that maybe that is a possibility for him. his relationship with his dad could be better, it might make the world safer for him. but in the end he has to accept that that isn’t who he is. to me, that’s a much more compelling story than kurt’s side of things, and i think a really relatable plotline for someone like me who identified other ways for a long time because the idea of being gay was difficult.

and an aside: this could all work so well into klaine getting together in t-minus two episodes. what if blaine demonstrably sees how his feelings for rachel are not the same things he feels for kurt? what if the security this episodes conclusion gives him of knowing who he is makes him more ready to be with kurt? much to think about.

#blaine anderson #glee #text #gleewatching #since this all came off a rewatch #blaine meta #this plotline drives my brain crazyyyy #im a lesbian who identified as bi for about five years because i was in deep deep denial #so i see blaine maybe be in a bit of denial for like... 2 days #and am like omg... he just like me fr #obviously some people just geniuinely like. question and explore and thats a valid interpretation #but to me i can see how hes confusing and its really a lot for him #and blaines nothing if not deeply insecure #and theres so many ways the show couldve explored it more #a different post that could be made here about how hes the inverese of kurt whos known hes gay forever #while blaine might have realized not long before we meet him and just sort of immediately declared it to the world #and faced the confusion of that period of time while also dealing with the reactions #thats a headcanon though we know nothing about his coming out. sigh

[lickthatbattery]

gender is fucked up. it's like. i'm a trans man. i'm multigender. femaleness or whatever is definitely part of my gender identity and experience, an important part at that, but to refer to me in 99.9% of ways that would be indicative of such would be misgendering. i don't even self-refer that way. but it's still relevant and important to my gender experience even if it's not verbalized and as a result, largely internal

#'trans man' is largely just the mode with which i am most comfortable interacting with the world gor the most part #it isn't inaccurate (i *do* identify that way) but my gender is a lot more complex than that lets on #the complexities there just aren't always relevant or necessary to highlight in every situation #do i wish people did not treat me as though i have no lived experience or connection to the gender of 'woman'? yes. #enough to put it out there and let people presume i am comfortable being outwardly gendered as such? no. #i was cis until i was questioning and then questioning until i was trans. and i have been trans so many ways since #(and not to mention i have been intersex since. well. puberty is what I'll say) #like okay. i'm a transfag but i'm a butch dyke on the weekends yeah. no 'but' about it really #even when i was objectively a lesbian i never liked that term for myself. but i think if i had known about reclaiming dyke back then #i would've liked it a lot more. anyway #long ramble to say that gender moves a lot for me. but also it's very much been the same for years. it's just about prioritizing .. #.. what i want to put out into the world and how i want to be seen and how i want to interact and be interacted with. #glitch.txt

[faultsofyouth]

Like gay sex is always gay sex and I wouldn't call it "Sapphic sex" or anything dumb like that but I have had a problem with calling myself and my relationship business gay for like a long time now

#I mean yes I did identify as a lesbian for like 2 years but I came out to like 5 people and I didn't use the word lesbian in front of #all of them. And I used homosexual instead of lesbian for quite awhile after coming out online too. And this is because #Being out as a lesbian is NOT fun!! like I was bullied so much for dating girls and even just for Looking like I date girls before #I ever did. People do not like it!! And also I was trans when I thought that I wasn't into men so even saying lesbian was like a huge no no #irl for a long time. Like I distinctly remember times when I said it because I wanted to be quiet about it #And im pretty quiet about being bisexual now too which I try to do because I don't think it makes sense to talk #To strangers about being bisexual when I'm in a straight relationship #like straight people don't care about gay stuff they just want to talk to me about straight stuff #so my ssa is hardly relevant. But I have been thinking about it sometimes lately #and I suspect I have a bit of anxiety about people knowing I'm bisexual. My grandparents and my older relatives don't approve #and I was unusual as a kid because many of my peers did not approve #and I guess I really care about people's approval since I just prefer to be quiet about it #I mean I won't lie or refuse to talk about my ex girlfriends and I never have gone out of my way to hide it #but it certainly seems like I have some shame about it that I've never really thought about #Or maybe me not wanting to call myself a lesbian even when I thought I was was just FORESHADOWING #Imagine just being so wrong about yourself on so many levels. For YEARS. Stupid 15 year old

[the-delta-quadrant]

"aces and aros are technically queer/LGBTQ+, but not all of them identify that way. they are welcome if they feel a connection to the queer community."

while this might be true, it bothers me that aces, aros and some other identities after the T get that caveat but the others don't. there are many lesbians, gay men, bi and trans people who don't identify as queer/LGBTQ+, but no one ever says "lesbians are technically queer but some don't identify as queer". it seems to only be us weirdos after the T who get the caveat.

also, have you considered why aces and aros aren't identifying as queer? maybe more of us would identify as queer if unconditional inclusion was actually modelled for us. "if they feel a connection to the queer community" - how was i supposed to feel connected to this community when ace inclusion was never modelled for me? when i was a baby ace 9 years ago, i thought i was cis and straight, and the only queerness that was portrayed to me was LGBT, nothing else, not even nonbinary people. where exactly was that connection meant to come from? how was i meant to feel a connection to a community that was constantly discoursing over my existence?

i only felt a connection to the community when i realised i was enby. only after that i learned that my asexuality was queerness all along. my queer gender was literally the stepping stone for a connection to the queer community based on my asexuality.

ace and aro exclusion needs to be unconditional. it doesn't feel like inclusion of aces and aros get this weird caveat but most other identities don't. it feels like aces and aros are still held to higher standards and that LGBT(no +) people are more inherently and unconditionally queer than aces and aros.

either everyone should get that caveat or no one.

#queer #mogai #lgbt #lgbtq+ #gsrm #lgbt+ #ace #asexual #asexuality #acespec #aspec #arospec #aro #aromantic #aromanticism

[landofgay]

re the post I just reblogged:

not only has my dad said a few times to me that he feels very strongly that I was put on this earth for a reason (he bases this on all the near death experiences he's had and also the reason behind why him and mom got together and then seperated, and a few other things) (I'm more inclined to believe him over my mom cause while I do think the 3 of us are kind of attuned to the universe and stuff, my mom's more delusional than he is, he's pretty grounded in reality lmao) anyways.

but the last time he mentioned this he added that whatever it is I'm put here to do, it won't be something that feels forced and difficult and hard to grasp at, it's gonna be something that just comes naturally and feels right and I'm just gonna be naturally good at it. and like idk what that'll be but hearing him say that put me sooo at ease that day!!! and I just need to keep that in mind forever

#but also with regards to my love life heheheh #thinking about my last 2 hard core crushes on platonic friends and how much i struggled with figuring out the difference #between romantic and platonic attraction and how it always felt like it could be right (aka the platonic part) but the romantic part felt #forced on one or both sides in all my relationships or almost-relationships #and with my guy now its all just felt. smooth and easy. #like i mean ive been a nervous wreck many times but thats different heheheh but like falling for him has been so easy #and TRUSTING him. i know ive talked about my shitty ex many times lately but god that guy fucked me up SO BAD #for so long when it comes to relationships with men. i identified on and off as a lesbian so many times in the last 6 years cause #he fucked me up so bad i thought i could never trust a guy enough to be in a real relationship #but now...... 🥰🥰🥰🥰i actually trust him so much and it didnt even take much #gosh. life has been very nice lately. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[queermasculine]

Maybe a stupid question but one I've asked myself, what's the difference in between a butch and a masc for you ? Is there one ?

not a stupid question! "butch" is an older word with more meanings across time. to straight people it's been a military style haircut, a male name (still a few old guys named butch in the US), and a fairly uncomplicated synonym for masculine. to lesbians, bisexuals and gay men, it's been all of the above, but it's also had a whole host of other connotations specific to us and our own ways of loving/performing masculinity. a lot of the different meanings of butch have faded or fallen out of fashion over the years, but the word has more or less kept its purpose among lesbians, giving it the lesbian tint it has today.

"masc" is a much newer term, and unlike butch, i don't believe it's ever been widely used by the straight mainstream. (not a lot of grandpas named masc out there.) it's my impression that masc first spread out from gay guys on grindr, or at least that played a big part in popularizing it, and it's been used pretty much exclusively in an lgbt context ever since. in that sense it's the word with the more explicitly queer origin, despite having a much shorter history. having risen to popularity in the age of social media, masc carries none of the historical baggage of butch, and as such it's a more open-ended term, implying very little about a person beyond their masculinity. you can see this difference exemplified in google search results: while looking up butch will primarily yield information about the word's significance to lesbians, masc will net you more neutral descriptions, like "a person whose gender identity is masculine, but who is not necessarily a man."

despite all that, masc and butch usually serve the same function (to express the masculinity of the subject) and are used pretty much interchangeably in many contexts. also worth noting is that the lesbian association of butch is not a rule, just an observation i've made about modern perceptions. bisexual women have always used butch (and femme) alongside lesbians, and to this day you'll still encounter gay men – usually older – who identify as butch. so in conclusion, if you're trying to pick what label to use for yourself, i wouldn't worry about it too much. both terms have room enough for you in them.

#personally i dig butch for the connection to lez culture & for the images of old-timey leathermen and cigar-smoking biker dykes it conjures #but i'll respond to masc when called👍 i've got no quarrel with masc #mail

[aroallo-corvid]

Aroallo is not an "adult" sexuality

[plain text: Aroallo is not an "adult" sexuality]

I am aromantic and allosexual. I am also (as of writing this) a minor. TLDR at the end because I rambled on a bit.

There's a view in society that sexuality and sex are topics that are entirely irrelevant to children and should not be discussed around/with children because it is inappropriate/predatory. And to an extent, there is a point to that, and any discussions of sex and sexuality should be age-appropriate (e.g. an eleven year old would not receive the same sex ed as a sixteen year old because there is a vast difference in experience)

However, thinking like this leads to teenagers not being given proper sex education because they are "too young", which is wildly ignorant of the fact that a decent proportion of teenagers older than sixteen are sexually active. I live in the UK where the age of consent is 16, and I know plenty of people who were in relationships aged 14/15 were having sex. (Whether they weer mature enough to is another matter, but it's important to acknowledge that it does happen so there is no point ignoring this).

This rhetoric also leads to the belief that teens (and younger kids) shouldn't be coming out as gay/lesbian/bisexual/asexual/aromantic/etc. because they are too young to be thinking about sexuality and sexual attractiveness, which just.... isn't true. Many young people have crushes, and as the majority of people are allosexual, this does often involve sexual attraction as people mature through puberty.

Within the queer community, people have said that it is perfectly fine and normal and common for teenagers to come out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual - Because if a teen can be straight, they can also be queer. These arguments are all set out beautifully and the points well made.

Yet.

Some people exclude aroallo people from that. They say that teens can be asexual, because they can know they aren't experience sexual attraction like their peers, and teens can be aromantic as well as asexual because they can realise they also aren't experiencing romantic attraction. But when a teenager says they are on the aromantic spectrum but still allosexual, often the same people who defend teens' rights to be (for example) bisexual turn around and say "you're too young for that".

Why?

Honestly, it comes down to sex-negative views that sex is inherently impure/disgusting, and of course children are the perfect example of purity and innocence, so they shouldn't be thinking about such "dirty" topics.

Of course a teenager can be asexual, that distances them from icky gross sex & means they would likely to be only engaging in chaste, pure, wonderful romance. Of course a teenager can be aroace, that makes them little cinnamon infantile babies, safe from all sexuality. (/sarcasm) (Also completely ignores the existence of sex-favourable aces and aroaces)

It comes off as very hypocritical though, because a teenager identifying as bisexual but not aromantic (so biromantic, but that distinction isn't typically made) is seen as acceptable, when they are expressing the same sexual desires as a teenager who is bisexual and aromantic. The only difference is that the first teenagers' sexuality is seen to be "balanced out" by the presence of nice wholesome romance.

tldr: if teenagers can identify as bisexual/gay/lesbian/pansexual/etc. whilst being alloromantic, it is hypocritical to say a teenager cannot identify as one of the above sexualities whilst being aromantic, because romance is not inherently more pure than sex and sex is not inherently impure.

#aroallo #alloaro #aromantic #aro #alloarophobia #aroallophobia #lmk if any other tags need to be put on here?? #also apologies if the wording comes off strange i'm not used to writing big official posts like this and im autistic #i think the message still comes across pretty clearly?? #crow cawing

[artigas]

I’m really happy that Black Sails is experiencing a bit of a renaissance, but (predictably) some of the takes I’m seeing online are so busted. It’s wild to me that anyone would complain about the fact that Anne Bonny kisses Jack after she’s developed this life-changing relationship with Max. It’s absolutely wild to see anyone roll their eyes or feel uncomfortable about the fact that Flint has sex with Miranda when he returns to her in season one or that Max is most likely a lesbian but actively has sex with men for pay and knows how to make that pleasurable. It’s crazy to me that some of the very audiences who claim to want queer representation feel so discomforted when they actually see the mess and seeming inconsistencies of queerness that they asked for.

The reality is that there are lesbians who have had (and will have!) meaningful, mutually-gratifying, and deeply sexual relationships with men. There are gay men who’ve enjoyed having sex with women, who are gay as the day is long and nevertheless feel sexually attracted to a woman or two and are nevertheless gay men, full stop. There are gay cis men who are happily married to trans women. There are femme dom tops and butch bottoms and there are mascs afab people who like femme boys. There are non-binary people and trans men who actively identify as lesbians. There are ace and aro people who enjoy thinking about and engaging with sex — sometimes in fiction and sometimes in real life. Queerness, in fiction and in reality, defies neat categorization. That is the beauty, power, and (perceived) unorthodoxy of queerness.

Now, I’ll say this — do I think the straight men behind Black Sails were actively thinking deeply and insightfully about the paradoxes and fuckery of queer identity when they wrote Black Sails? No! By their own admission, Steinberg and Levine have owned up to the fact that some of the writing of the show was really hinged on their own blind spots as people who are not (to my knowledge) members of the queer community. If I want to be generous, I think that the beautiful mess of Black Sails is that, in not feeling like experts enough to designate specific identity labels to any of their characters, the writers stumbled their way into more authentic representation of lived queer experience, which is to say that the notion that James Flint was actively thinking of himself as a gay man was anachronistic. As many lesbian archivists and theories have noted, the notion of a queer identity — as in, queerness is who you are, not what you do — was patently unthinkable for most cultures in the past. In other words, the idea that Anne Bonny operates in the eighteenth century as a lesbian and thus would not willingly engage in relationships with men is not only untrue of the series, but untrue of most recorded lesbian experiences in the real world. The notion that a lesbian would operate her entire life without engaging sexually or romantically with men, for instance, is a very new privilege that some of us are very lucky to enjoy, but it is not true for the vast majority of human history — hell, it’s not even true of our present world.

This is all to say that think that there’s something really funny about how we want queer characters to fit into neatly organized boxes. This isn’t a new problem, either. When the show was still airing, the BS fandom would get itself into tizzies about wether or not Flint is gay or bisexual, wether or not Anne Bonny is a lesbian, wether or not Silver is queer when his only canonical relationship is with Madi, etc etc. We’ve been having these discourses for years and I don’t know. I get that much of it is fueled by how badly some people want to see themselves represented in media, but . . . well. The siloing of queer characters and queer narratives into neat little boxes has never felt very authentic to me and nine times out of ten, it’s also just so damn boring.

#black sails #anyways I gotta stop yapping #its just wild seeing the same arguments play out on twitter and other corners of tumblr when like #lmao I was there for the day when like 2.5 people got very angry that I referred to Max as a queer woman ONCE #and interchangeably with calling her a lesbian lmao #when I tell you … I love this show but those writers were not being that intentional with any of this lmao

[cowboyjen68]

Hi!!

I just wanted to ask some advice from one butch to another.

I recently got my dream job of being a warden on a nature reserve (and i love it!), while interacting with people there I get called a young man very often (i am 18 lol) and it gives me euphoria to know im masculine enough to even pass as a man. I've also had some volunteers ask if I was a man or not (despite my feminine name).

But recently I got called a "lady" outside while out with my mother. It drove me INSANE I cried alot.

Don't get me wrong I do identify as a woman but I hate being seen as a lady.

I've even thought about using he/him pronouns recently and changing my name but i'm too scared to as most people won't understand bc im still a lesbian.

Is this strange?

ps love u and ur blog lots xx

This is an easy answer because I was 18 once and looked enough like a teenage boy that I got "hey sport" and "hey young man" all the time, especially when in my work clothes. I worked for The Mayor's Youth Corp in Iowa City in the summers of my 15th and 16th year. Mom and Dad let me get a work permit AND bought me a used Datsun Pickup so I could drive myself the 20 miles there and back each day.

I was a volunteer with the Corp of Engineers youth from 14 to 16 and Dad knew I was super excited about this job. Mom was not thrilled that I wanted to cut my hair but my "grand mullet" was really hot under the hard hat in the summer heat of Iowa. (in the 1980's boys and girls had the short in front long and permed in back look) We compromised and I cut the sides really short. (photo of my me at 16 in my uniform for reference)

Using "he" would never have occurred to me because "EWWW Boys". This is not to say, however, that I hated being mistaken for a boy, on the contrary, it felt good. When someone thought I was a young man it meant they treated me as such. They didn't talk down to me, I knew they assumed I was capable and willing to get dirty. I knew unconsiously that along with the mistaken identity came many perks. This was nothing I analyzed but little girls see very early on the difference in treatment they recieve from their brothers, male cousins and neighborhood boys. This difference leads us to become negotiators to control our circumstances and not entittled to treatment based on our skills and actual personalies.

When an adult recognized me as a boy, even for a second at first glance, I knew I didn't have to prove myself. They, for an instant, assigned to me words like "strong, capable, demanding etc". No negotations required.

When someone realized I was a girl they literally had a change in their face. They smiled at me, softened their voice. When I was called "young lady" or "Miss" it always seemed to be backed my the worst assumptions (in my mind anyway). Lady is steeped in all kinds of traits I didnt want assigned to me. "quiet, weak, likes to dress pretty"OR "motherly, submissive, meek" Nothing good in my teen brain, that is for sure. Lady felt so OLD, so married to a man and reliant on him for survival, so polyster pants and ugly flats and scratchy blouses with a flower imprint. NONE of these things are inherent to being a woman or even socially forced on us but that is not how things work sometimes. Words that describe people get stereotypes and myths and traits attached to them all the time. Woman and girl are no different.

I can tell you, the best feeling in the world when I was in that job was when my supervisor, who damn well knew I was a young woman, trusted me with all the same tasks as the boys. Who valued my opinions and abilities equally to the young men. He took time to teach me what I didn't know, just like with them and didn't assume I couldn't or didn't want to learn things on the job. He didn't shame ANYONE for not being strong enough or for getting tired or needing a break.

Don't let the assumptions of others force you into another box of conformity. You don't need a boys name or to use any pronouns you don't feel connected to just to please others. In fact, none of that effort will change perceptions of those around you. I can promise that one day being called Lady will just be another word that you can hear and know it does not change your personality or your interests or control the hope you have for your future. What does waste a lot of time and energy is trying to adjust things in your life to fit incorrect or snap assumptions about you as a person. You can never control the thoughts of those around you but what you can do is stop worrying about it and enjoy YOU.

You have a job you love and are sure to thrive in. You are solid in your sexuality and love of women, you are in a unique position to possibly change the perceptions of others when they think of "young women". Your interactions with the public are sure to effect the assumpions of at least some people when they think of young women and their roles in our society.

Congratulations on your new career and I bet you rock that uniform.

#lesbian #butch #stereotypes #careers #words #lady

[radfemfyodor]

I don’t understand Liberals due to many reasons. One of them is believing that transphobia is comparable to actual bigotry.

For context, I shared my thoughts, that I feel like many, if not most people who are afraid of being accused of being terf are afraid not because they disagree with terfs, but because they fear harassment. As one of the examples I mentioned my own situation and how I was afraid to admit that I’m a RadFem, because I was too scared of how people (both in real life and online) would react to this information.

A Liberal obviously had to compare transphobia to actual bigotry, such as racism. “God, imagine if this person hated literally any other group based on any other dumbfuck reasoning” - Biology is a dumbfuck reasoning? I will try to explain my beliefs again, because Liberals water down my views to “Ugh I hate those troons! 😡 I hate them because I’m a hater and have no actual reasoning! 🤬”

Gender is a social construct based on stereotypes about women and men. Without stereotypes about women and men there is no gender and vice versa.

Let’s first look at trans women/transfems: Transfem to “validate” his “identity” will do activities usually associated with women such as wearing color pink, skirts, dresses, makeup, having long hair and doing nails. These activities don’t involve only physical appearance. Transfems often sexualize themselves on purpose, which isn’t only wearing revealing clothing. For example, many transfems like to use terms (mostly for female genitalia) from pornography, especially in their usernames. What I’m going to say now doesn’t specifically happen only in the transfem community, as it happens in transgender communities in general, but from my own experience it happens in transfem spaces more often - they defend pornography with their life, spread lies that Sex Work is “empowering”, their pages are full of pornographic content. If you tell them about the realities of Sex Work, they call you a swerf and bigot. Trans women’s/transfems’ “identifying” as women is in reality “identifying” with misogynistic stereotypes.

Now let’s look at trans men/transmascs: Transmasc to “validate” her “identity” will basically live comfortably in her body. She will stop shaving, wearing makeup, clothing that makes her uncomfortable such as short skirts and heels. There’s a high chance that she will cut her hair and not care about her clothing at all except the fact that it has to be comfortable to wear. Being “transmasc” is just not fitting patriarchal roles for women - trans men/transmasc are women who don’t fit into the patriarchal norms.

What I’m saying doesn’t come out of nowhere, I was a TRA for almost 4 years. All I have said comes from my and other people’s experiences. What I said about transfems is harsher and longer, because I’m tired of males “identifying” with our oppression, invading female only spaces which also leads to female only spaces getting removed. Almost no lesbian bars, because males who “identify” as women can go there and if you refuse to let them in, you are accused of bigotry. Males take part of women’s sports, which is unfair. Women and men are separated in sports due to differences in our biology. Males going to women’s restrooms and change rooms, often to harass women in these places, and if you don’t let them to go there, you are called a bigot. Notice how transmascs don’t invade male only spaces at all - transmasc don’t demand to go to men’s restrooms and change rooms, aren’t taking part in men’s sports either.

All these genders are just harmful stereotypes, making someone believe that they “were born in wrong body”. You weren’t “born in wrong body” because you don’t fit patriarchal gender norms. Liberals are convinced that I’m against gender, because I “hate” trans people and “I want them dead”. I’m against gender, because I want women to be “masculine” and men to “feminine” without them believing that there is something wrong with their bodies. I don’t want people to take hormones they shouldn’t and mutilate their reproductive organs, because they don’t fit stereotypes about their biological sex.

“Imagine if they were, say, racist and saying how hard it is to be a racist nowadays” How not denying biology is same as racism? HOW? Liberals have the weirdest comparisons, recently I got compared to HITLER… I don’t believe that transgender people aren’t humans, that they’re inferior, that they deserve to be assaulted and killed. Comparing me to actual bigots, because I’m aware that humans can’t change their biological sex is beyond crazy.

“No shit it’s hard and sad and annoying to be a hateful person, we don’t want that type of shit in society, It is unacceptable. It SHOULD be hard and make you afraid to be an out-and-proud bigot” I’m not a “hateful person”, I just don’t deny biology. It’s so… weird and stupid that nowadays being aware of the fact that women are adult human females and men are adult human males is bigotry. It’s regressive to deny these facts, accept them for your own good.

I’m not a “hateful” person, my “hate” is a genuine concern - I don’t want people to suffer mentally and physically, because they don’t fit patriarchal norms. Instead of encouraging people to take hormones they shouldn’t and mutilate their reproductive organs, let’s make them aware that it’s completely okay to not fit patriarchal stereotypes about their biological sex.

#gender critical #radblr #radical feminism #radical feminist safe #radical feminists do interact

[redditreceipts]

staring blankly, brain filled with white noise.

https://www.reddit.com/r/LesbianActually/s/odNq1HScKX

okay, let's go through this sentence by sentence.

first of all, I'd say that this person started out very good. I mean I don't know whether I'd define patriarchy as a system of division of labour, because child-rearing under patriarchy is not so much labour (in the Marxian sense) as it is organ trade. This is also why the woman is not selling her working hours, but her body is being sold to her husband without her being an active agent in the process. Just like the sexual commodities that are demanded of a woman are not really labour, but more organ-renting. So I think that womanhood under patriarchy is not really comparable to the relationship between capitalist and worker, because the worker is selling his work and not his body, and he is (at least nominally) an active agent in that process. Also, under capitalism there is a competition between the workers that allow a capitalist to replace the worker, while under patriarchy, there is not really a competition among women in the same sense that there are several women waiting to replace one woman in case the man wants another one

there is where things go south. So here, they say that transfemininity is socially undervalued due to their inability to be reproductive capital. From what I understood, the person meant that trans women are attacked because they can not rear children and are therefore not "valuable" in the eyes of patriarchy. While that's true, OP before correctly acknowledged that patriarchy is not just about a woman's reproductive capability. The root of patriarchy is a woman's reproductive capability, but that's not the full extent; a trans woman could make herself "useful" in a patriarchal sense in doing housework, being a nanny, being sexually available to men etc. (not to say that this is what makes a trans woman valuable, just saying that this is how things would work under patriarchy if trans women were women)

So the problem here is that the person conflates gender non-conformity with being trans. To be a trans woman you don't have to reject masculinity. You could be the most manly man with a beard and still identify as a woman, and you could be a gay male with breast implants that is 10 years on HRT and still identify as a man. By this guy's analysis, the former should be more oppressed than the latter. He is right in that patriarchal structures react allergically to men not behaving in a masculine way, but being masculine or feminine doesn't have anything to do with being trans. Being trans is about identity.

But I kinda don't get if OP meant that trans women reject masculinity (which many don't), or if he meant that trans women reject the notion of being a man (which is meaningless). If he meant the latter, it literally wouldn't matter, because you can reject your own manhood as much as you can reject your own whiteness or your own age. Your manhood is totally unaffected by whether you reject it or not, you're still a man lmao

no patriarchal reactionary has ever thought about a trans man that that trans man is bettering themselves by being a man. In the eyes of a patriarchal reactionary, the trans man is a woman, so there is no point in "becoming a man" if you're a woman. Also, trans men are statistically more attacked than trans women, it's just underreported because nobody gives a shit about women

"Trans lesbians are hated because they don't make themselves commodities for the consumption of men" - this just doesn't make sense. There are many groups that don't make themselves sexual commodities for the consumption of men; like straight men for example. Why do straight men face less vitriol, while trans "lesbians" do? What is the difference between a straight man and a trans "lesbian"? Well, one claims to be a woman while the other accepts the reality of being a man. Could it therefore be that maybe the hostile reaction comes because of the ludicrous assertion that one is a woman when they are obviously a male, and not from them making themselves sexually available to men?

So here it just goes down into absolute stupidity. What can you even say. What "TERFs" is this guy exactly talking about?

What TERF is sexually harassing trans women? 😭Please, show me just one? And now, the fetish story on reddit about how you like being degraded by a terf doesn't count lol

you are not a lesbian, you are a straight man

the only reason people see you as "damaged" is because they think that you're severely mentally deranged

please stop talking in Marxian terms when materialism is clearly your biggest ideological enemy

Sincerely, a bisexual radfem

#radblr #radical feminists do interact #radical feminism #radical feminists please touch #feminism #gender critical #gc feminism #gc feminist #gender abolition #radfems please touch #radfems please interact #radfem safe #autogynephilia #agp #listen to trans women #misogyny #reddit #patriarchy #gender roles #gender ideology #gender stereotypes #sex not gender

[hmsindecision]

I hope one day you realize how horrid bigotry is, and can look back on these days with shame and embarrassment, but also with pride how one became a better person. When the people who want to oppress us are done with trans people they'll go after bisexuality next, then lesbians and gays, then women. We need to stand together or they will push us back into the 1700s.

In order to become an adult you need to release this “us vs. them”, black and white, dichotomous vision of the world. It doesn’t exist. There is no cohesive “they” that I must bond with any ally I can in order to resist.

Do you really think that I have gone any period of time without suffering from systemic homophobia and misogyny? Do you really think that I am sitting from a place of privilege looking down at people who are “one rung below me on the oppression ladder”? What a childish way of thinking.

A large proportion of the homophobia and misogyny that I have experienced has been from people who identified themselves as on the left, as trans, and whose values in some ways align with my own. That really sucks. It really sucks that I have been verbally berated and called slurs by both conservatives and trans people alike. Those who believe that performatively being homophobic or anti-lesbian to me have varied values, religions, creed, and political beliefs. They are a deeply heterozygous group. People approaching my short haired wife to ask her for her pronouns and therefore implying that she is improperly signaling womanhood are the most frequent gender police I encounter.

Why is it that I must accept things like being called names for being exclusively same sex attracted? I by should I accept that because other people have been targeted by the same people who have targeted me?

Why is it my womanly duty to provide solidarity with people who tell me I deserve to be raped, beaten, my career destroyed, my friendships rescinded…. Because I don’t ascribe to their philosophical beliefs? I don’t believe in gender as a framework to be upheld. I hold gender in the same regard as capitalism or the divine right of kings. It is a system of oppression designed to place men over women. It has had loopholes in many societies, mostly to create a third sex for homosexual men. It operates differently in different societies. But I think it’s anti-woman and anti-human. To ask me to believe that someone has an inborn gender identity/gendered spirit is like asking me to believe that corporations are people, that God chose a king, or that the world is flat. There is simply no evidence for that to be true, because it would require there to be something that makes us men or women beyond biology.

There is not. Non-biological differences between men and women are purely socialized. If it isn’t inscribed on the X or Y chromosomes, it’s something you were taught. The clothes you wear, the way you act, the things you like, they are all influenced by the society you live in. The associations of colors, toys, interests, and other things to our sex assignation is partially arbitrary and party about subjugation. Women aren’t born loving makeup any more than serfs are born loving to serve.

I believe everyone should express their vision of themselves as they please. I hate the micro labels that are now applied to all aspects of appearance because people cannot conceive of human difference. I think that even things which I consider anti-self and anti-human can be things which adults do to themselves. If you need surgery or pills, then it isn’t about identity, it’s about fantasy. I understand the necessity of fantasy in an oppressive system.

But gender isn’t just a source of oppression against women. It is also fuel to create and sustain oppressors. That is part of why the anti-feminism of the trans movement feels so comfortable to people raised in patriarchy (all of us). Because the idea that we all have a muliplicity of gender identities is also about absolving men of thousands of years of terrorism and oppression against us XX chromosome havers. Why should I assume my oppressed has good intentions because of their clothing? Because they got surgery? Does that make a trans woman any safer than any other male under patriarchy? Or is that just a safe illusion so you don’t have to deal with the reality?

Even your trajectory in this ask—you think they started with trans people, then bi people are next? How are they going to go after bi people without going after gay people? Unless you mean just angry social opinions as opposed to systemic oppression? Then women last? Literally what fucking planet do you live on? I’m assuming you are American based on… this ask lmao… but…

They have already come for women. Abortion is illegal in many places. Rape is such a constant that we can’t even meaningfully address it. Teen girls are killing themselves over male violence just into puberty. Famous rapists and abusers are constantly fawned over. In my state, DV services are so taxed with women that last year they turned down over 50,000 asks for shelter in the statewide network.

50,000.

And my local LGBTQ community center has a ban of events that say they are for lesbians, or even AFAB people. Did you ever think that maybe *you* need to start showing some solidarity?

When it comes down to it, men always, always choose each other.

I’m doing the most radical thing I can think of, and choosing women every time.

I don’t hate you. But you sure are good at falling for propoganda. Are you wasting your time fighting feminists because it’s easier to attack women than to stand up to your oppressors?

I’m very proud of myself and the woman that I am, and the activism I do (which.. is not on tumblr). I hope you can find the things that make you deeply proud of yourself as an individual, and that you live in accordance with your own values.

#feminism #gender theory

[literallyaflame]

transgender masculinity will never be regarded in the same way as cisgender masculinity because transgender masculinity opposes the “natural order.” trans men do not magically gain oppressive power over cisgender women simply by calling themselves men, or by behaving in a masculine way. in fact, the opposite tends to be true. i was a “masculine woman” for many years and my cis female peers treated me like dog shit garbage, because if you’re masculine in opposition the sex binary, you’re a threat and an outsider

this is why i’m not comfortable with cis women making bold claims about the overall transmasculine relationship with sexism. it’s not as simple as “you’re a man so you’re the oppressor now.” the social power of masculinity is inextricably tied to biological essentialism. some trans men pass as male, yes, but some don’t. others pass as feminine men, some are indistinguishable from butch lesbians. hell, some transmasculine people still identify as butch lesbians. transmasculine experiences are not universal, and depending on where you fall, you’re going to have utterly different day-to-day experiences with sexism & misogyny

the thing about conventional cis womanhood is that, while oppressed, it doesn’t oppose the natural order. trans manhood does. trans men often don’t have a place among men or among women, which is the isolating effect of living in opposition to the sex binary. it sucks, it’s difficult to manage, most trans people deal with it at some point, and the majority of cis women frankly have no stake in that conversation. i resent the idea that i have some kind of universal privilege over a group of people who were (historically) some of my worst oppressors—not because they identify as women and i identify as a man, but because their femininity did not defy expectations and my masculinity did

don’t get me wrong, anyone can be a misogynistic loser, trans guys included. also, cis women are not exempt from experiencing oppositional sexism. but some of the weird exclusionary shit i see from cis “allies” is borderline indistinguishable from the “ummmm she can’t be in the locker room with us, she’s technically female but she’s… you know… i’m sorry but it’s just not appropriate” nonsense i endured as a teenager lmao

#sorry i’m stressed out so i’m making posts to distract myself from The Horrors #i have so many other things i should be doing you have NO idea #me when i make a post