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sophsun1 · 7 months

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This gifset I made of Joan and Jack Kinney's perception that Brian was a carbon copy of his father a lone wolf and selfish man vs Justin knowing that was the furthest thing from the truth hits even harder when you flashback to 1.02 where Brian has such a visceral reaction to Ted yelling at Michael "Where do people get off thinking I'm not a kind person? I happen to be very kind, very loving/ My only responsibility is to myself I don't owe anybody a goddamn thing."

Selfish is such a prominent word in his life. We hear it from many of his so called friends. He's selfish and can't or won't love anyone or anything. Yet his actions towards them even when they don't deserve it show the complete opposite. You can sort of see why it cuts so deep when he hears these words "selfish and responsibility" in the context of the scenes with his parents.

We have Joan in church telling Brian he reminds her of Jack, he's equally as selfish always letting her down and mocking her love for God. How she took Jack's abuse and beatings to protect him though we the audience know Brian had his own share of abuse from him both physical and emotional along with his mother's neglect and alcoholism. He denies this but she won't hear of it. Adding on to her previously telling him her new priest has been like a son to her and now Brian has the power to destroy her entire world view and he doesn't. There's also a weird sort of parallel where now instead of her biological son being like her husband, her surrogate son is just like the son she rejects and is ashamed of.

Jack proudly announcing he's a chip off the old block not made to be a family man, Brian agreeing. Throw in the bombshell that if it was up to him, Brian wouldn't even exist. This man who shirked all responsibilities as a husband, a father and role model to his children telling his son who he wished was never born that he is just like him. Imagine the mind fuck. His line about not letting the ladies tie him down, Brian knowing he would never be accepted if he ever came out to him. Then buttering him up for cold hard cash, even though Brian had it ready and waiting because he knew that's all he's worth to him. Which leads me to the anger I feel towards Mel and Lindsey who immediately jump on Brian about his financial responsibility to Gus. Wanting him to sign a life insurance policy because his "lifestyle" according to Mel makes him more of a risk factor. They don't want him to be fully physically involved but they'll take his money. Here comes the theme of death once more, his father didn't want him to exist but he'll take his money. Mel and Lindsey, pointing out if he dies it doesn't matter as long as Gus profits. Yet he fought so hard for Lindsey in the custody battle for J.R, funding it all when he never got that same unwavering support when it came to Gus. Wanting so steadfastly to take care of Justin financially when they were together and apart because that's how he has been made to feel with Gus and his father. So many layers. Sonny boy indeed.

Is it any wonder? Brian Kinney never believed in love and thought it only lead to bitterness and resentment, and settling down meant settling into a toxic environment where hatred flourished. Especially as your parents are your first example of love and family. You literally are the product of that union in most cases, it's a fundamental part of your childhood and has a deep effect on you ergo why therapists always lead with "So tell me about your relationship with your mother/father."

WHICH IS WHY WE SHOULD HAVE HAD A SEASON DEDICATED TO THIS ASPECT!

Ultimately people are always wanting a piece of Brian. The raw, unfiltered Brian Kinney that Justin sees and accepts and loves is not good enough for them. Sure they have their moments and he's by no means perfect but Justin doesn't want to intrinsically change him, he encourages him to be better and we see Brian respond to this. They blow hot and cold, his Peter Pan complex is embarrassing it's time to grow up! Brian tries to change, no this isn't the Brian we know and love, we prefer the old version of him come back! With his friends he's made to feel responsible for their mistakes and fuck ups, to be a support to them, to help rescue them even to his own detriment at times. To feel guilt at his existence in their lives and how it affects them, as financial support or simply telling him how to react/feel to really major emotional life events. Debbie insisting he "owed" his father his coming out, telling Joan he had cancer. Michael at his father's death, that regardless of what he did he was still his dad. The amount of pressure that was placed on him was insane the "responsibility" never ends. It goes to the -> I don't owe anybody a goddamn thing! He got himself out of his terrible upbringing, worked hard and got an amazing loft with a job in a career he excels at. No one gave him a hand out. Technically even when they did in the concerned citizens for truth era he paid them back plus extra. He hates feeling indebted to people, or in need, and yes part of that is pride but also because he's the one that is always on standby to be that for others, so where is his room to fail?

#queer as folk #brian kinney #i don't know if this makes sense #but these thoughts have been in my head #I'm not the best at putting words down I'm better at verbal #the effect of trauma on the brain's processing ability is real #joan kinney #jack kinney #qaf meta #2x09 #1x09

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puppyeared · 8 months

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learned something about myself lately

#i dont think its even the fact almost all my characters are somewhat beasts in one way or another. i just #really like tails and wish i had one myself #and then my oc designs are a little tame theyre mostly human shaped with animal features. but they always have tails #my eyes have recently been opened to the appeal of long whiplike unicorn tails.. so flowy and curly #something about the tuft at the end being long and swirly just does something for me..#maybe it would make sense to change auggies tail shape so it looks like a meteor. her design is mainly pink with hot pink accent #so it would be cool to use that and orange to make it look like a fire meteor.. maybe itll help complement the blue/green in her design #head full of ocs today so expect a ramble later #if i had a tail i think it would be long with a kink. so it kind of folds over once but not in a curl #when it wags its kind of a swaying motion. i have thought about this a normal amount #yapping

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stuckinapril · 4 months

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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

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lynsstrange · 4 months

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i think one of the things the pjo show has understood the best so far is specifically the isolation and insecurities that come with being neurodivergent, and how it reflects onto percy. the book touches on it a lot, but i think rick really wanted to push percy's own internal struggles more obviously to the forefront for the show.

Percy references again and again how inattentive and zoned out he is constantly, and how he blames himself for being stuck in his own world. He feels crazy and misjudged by everyone around him just for having what everyone else presumes is a very active imagination, hyperactivity, and a brain that works differently. and when people do acknowledge his differences, even attempting to spin them positively to him, like Sally and "Mr. Brunner," it only makes him feel worse, because again the only thing they can tell him is that he's "special," inherently other, something he's come to associate with being an embarrassing and shameful thing, with Nancy calling him "special" as an insult. I've seen "special" thrown at nd kids as an insult by their peers over and over again since I was little. So Percy can't help but believe it's a negative thing, no matter what the adults that do support him in his life try to tell him, because it's been internalized that he's just different in a way that's bad and inferior, and that that there's a reason he's lonely and troubled and delinquent. Even if it was a positive thing, like Sally and "Mr. Brunner" insist to him, he feels inherently isolated and confused and wrong in the mortal world for being different, and like there's nothing that can change that or make him normal.

We see Percy break down in front of Sally after being expelled about how he's terrified something's irrevocably wrong inside him now. And his immediate reaction of rage and confusion when the only thing she can tell him, once again, is that he's special. And I think that is really going to resonate with a generation of nd people who've experienced these types of scenarios.

#this isn't the most eloquently spoken thought ive had lmao #but i wanted to get out some thoughts that have been brewing in the back of my head since i finished the episodes #so hopefully this makes semi-coherent sense and isnt just a lot of nothing #percy jackson #pjo #pjo series #percy jackson and the olympians #percy jackson show #percy jackson tv show #percy jackson disney+#sally jackson #annabeth chase #percabeth

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willowser · 2 months

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HMMMMM bakugou being just. the absolute picture of sin.

he works overnight and comes home early in the morning, around 3 or 4 am or so, and you greet him and give him a kissy and ask how it all went. and even though it's still dark outside and he's been working for twelve hours—he's still coming off patrol, right ? so he's still got some energy left, and he eats something and takes a shower and winds down as you fall back to sleep.

and it's not until much later in the day that he wakes up, early afternoon, and you're kind of tiptoeing around so that he can get his much-needed rest. you slip into the closet of your bedroom for something and you think you're gonna get in and out without a sound, but his hearing is so attuned to just about anything and everything at this point.

so rough and raspy, he grunts out, "what're y'lookin' for?" and you whip around real fast and he's just—

half sitting up in bed, bare back leaning against the headboard. an arm behind his head, so that his bicep is tense and round and stone-solid. stretched like that, his obliques are more prominent, taut and rippling up the side of his ribcage. he must have gotten hot while passed out, as he usually does, because the comforter is all askew; one of his legs is bent, the fine hair a dark gold in the waning day; the other is hanging off the bed, lightly swinging as he watches you, and the blanket has come down enough that you can see the bulge of his thigh muscles beneath his stupid tiny black boxer briefs.

and he's just so. man. in every single way.

(his hair is flat on one side, too, and his eyes are still a little puffy from sleep—but you think that adds to it, all in all)

#i have to get this image out of my head you don't understand #please take this from me i'm PLAUGED by him #he's so WAAAAHHH #like. he's always handsome. always. at all times.#but sometimes he opens his big fat mouth enough that you forget just HOW handsome #and then suddenly he's sitting there looking so cozy in your bed and softly blinking at you while looking like THE MOST ENTICING GUY #ON THE PLANET #and you're like............................oh my god.............#please take this image from meeeeeee GET IT OUT I'M SICK #✿ theme: domestic bakugou #✿ thoughts: bakugou #i've been back less than twenty-four hours and already i've had so much to say LMAOO

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digitalmyyth · 25 days

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