#but yeah idk. so now i’ve been not sure how to exist and be normal. and distracting myself via meaningless school things

[ddlcbrainrot]

i’m just saying more people should make use of the angst factory that is sayori’s and mc’s friendship

Imagine you have a childhood best friend that you’ve lost touch with, and suddenly you two start hanging out again. You two start spending a lot of time together again, and things are like nothing has changed between you. All that time apart was not enough to strain your friendship, and you think to yourself “ wow even after all this time she still is the same sweet girl i’ve always known”.

Only for you to find out that she’s actually been suffering for as long as you’ve known her. And you didn’t realise a single thing until it was too late.

All the mixed emotions of concern for your friend, guilt of your ignorance (you’ve known her for forever, how couldn’t you tell?) but also the realisation that the person you’ve thought you knew better than anyone was more or less a facade. Now, i’m not saying that Sayori’s cheery personality is all fake, but i imagine MC would have to question where the facade starts and where it ends (did he even know her at all?).

All this and i’ve still haven’t said anything about Sayori’s POV of their friendship, which is just as - if not more - angst inducing.

I think the key factor to understand Sayori’s POV is the word indirect. Because most of the hurt she experiences from MC’s actions is in fact indirect. Even in the game she talks about how his actions were not actively malicious, but they indirectly caused her pain. And yeah, it is because of her feelings for him, but even if we ignore that their friendship alone still caused her indirect pain.

I see a lot of people be like “MC is so mean to her in their base game” which honestly? have you ever been in a long term friendship? idk if it’s just me but the way they interacted seemed like how any childhood friends would. Because no matter how mean your childhood friend is to you, you know they don’t mean any actual malice. It’s basic logic that the person who has been with you since childhood doesn’t actually think of you as just some dumb clutz. But depression isn’t logical. And that’s exactly why Sayori is actually affected by what on any other circumstance would be playful teasing between lifelong friends. It’s actually an issue that, while complicated, could easily be addressed if Sayori communicated to MC her feelings on the matter. But since Sayori is so focused to keeping things the same, how they’ve always been so he doesn’t worry, she doesn’t voice this at all.

I’d like to add that even though Sayori goes out of her way to make sure MC doesn’t find out about her depression, there must also be a part of her that is hurt by his lack of knowledge on the matter. MC in act 1 repeatedly says he knows Sayori better than anyone. Imagine you are Sayori, your friend insists he knows you, fully knows you, and yet he can’t seem to notice this very vital part of you. Again, he is hurting her indirectly, and frankly because Sayori is herself keeping this part of her hidden. It’s a double edged sword, really.

When Sayori does tell MC about her depression however, MC quite frankly responds in a pretty bad way.

I don’t think i need to explain how his response isn’t at all what you should say, i think enough people have done so already. But i will say it makes sense for him to respond that way. I think a lot of people, especially people who are online, have seen so many post or videos about how to handle these kind of situations, so it’s easy to forget that not everyone is that well educated on the subject of mental health (and it makes even more sense for MC in particular to be so clueless on the subject, since men’s knowledge on mental health is literally non existent bc of society’s own view of men as emotionless, but that’s a rant for another time). I think he reacts as a normal teenage guy would tbh. And that is he says the wrong thing.

And as he finds Sayori in the end of act 1, since he doesn’t know of Monika’s influence, he thinks his ignorance costs his best friend’s life.

#ddlc #ddlc sayori #ddlc mc #this was supposed to be just the first line btw #but i decided to explain myself a little #two hours later… #if something doesn’t make sense pls forgive me i’m not a writer :’)

[jess-the-vampire]

Toh Swap Au Concepts

ok, so i have a couple swap au ideas that i promised to share, so i'm gonna share them.

These are ideas i've had, but don't have the time to really flesh out into a unique toh swap/canon divergence au like arofam, but i wanna share my ideas so maybe some of you might use them and flesh them out yourselves into a fun swap/divergence au and make them work.

No one has to keep ALL my ideas for them, but i should put them out there anyways.

Maybe i’ll come back to them myself one day, but for now i’d love you to hear them and maybe they’ll inspire you.

Philip Human Au:

So in this one the wittebanes are set in modern day, Caleb is like camila, he's in charge of taking care of his younger brother ever since their parents passed away. Philip is troubled, he doesn't get along with other students and doesn't make friends. He and Caleb, before caleb turned 18 and could live with his brother on their own, were in a very strict religious foster home. Philip came out of it stifling his creativity and fearing the unknown. When philip is at risk of being taken out of caleb's care because of how philip acts, caleb hopes to send him off to a fun summer camp so he can make friends and help him out.

So caleb is doing what he can to prevent the brothers from being separated, something he genuinely fears could happen and he's under so much pressure to keep them together. He's scared to tell philip this could happen, tho philip takes this as caleb not wanting him anymore.

But philip ends up on the isles when his journal is stolen.

There, he starts off being offhandish about magic and witches, having been raised to fear them, but stays, thinking if he can prove himself here...caleb won't throw him away like he likes.

no i'm not entirely sure who should be there for most of the other swap cast, maybe nothing changes for you, but yeah, this au helps philip embrace magic and truly come into his own.

And on top of that, Perhaps evelyn exists in this universe in eda's place and she and caleb have a blossoming romance somehow, and it ends with caleb moving to the isles. Caleb is heartbroken when he finds out philip and him ended up separated or that philip thought he didn't want him anymore.

Also on top of this, luz, another human that may be in disguise herself, is on the isles as the most influential witch there, maybe as a ruler or as just a normal, but she's trapped in constantly trying to live out her fantasy.

Maybe she wants to free the collector in hopes he'll help her make the isles everything she wants it to be without having to ever face what she ran away from on earth.

There's a lot still open to changes and adjustments, but i think it's def a fun idea for an au.

Willow au:

Ok so, who wants a Willow the human au? Willow is a student on earth who faces frequent bullying, people make her feel weak, look down on her, and she's ended up shy and alone as a result despite knowing she can be so much more. Her dads are worried about her and consider transferring her to another school but end up sending her to a camp of a subject she's not even interested in, in hopes she'll make friends and have opportunities for a great job someday.

Instead, she ends up on the isles, i'm not sure who would be in eda's spot, maybe lilith, or maybe we got wild and put someone like terra here XDD

But willow starts to feel more confident in herself and her abilities and embrace her love of plants here, she loves the sports, makes a new friend in gus and luz, and challenges the notions set against her.

Tho that's not all, hunter is magicless, but he's the top student and he's always trying to prove himself to his uncle, who runs his own company (maybe he makes artificial magic stuff idk). And he and willow start off on the wrong foot but form a romance over time as hunter learns to stand up to his uncle.

(Huntlow Romance happening along the way)

Caleb and Evelyn also run the company as co-owners and frequently argue with philip about the pressure he puts on hunter but eventually they do put their foot down. (Also maybe some witteclaw kids are hunter's siblings)

on top of that, the Blights are the royal family of the isles, odalia turning the world more cooperate and alador rarely having the ability to stand up to her. Amity and her siblings are all "Golden guard" types, but while edric and emira rarely take the job seriously, amity does because of how much she's under odalia's foot and she feels the pressure to live up to her expectations.

So yeah, we got blights vs Willow in a whole new way here.

That's an outline of this au, i don't have a lot else to say on it, there's plenty of room to mess with it, but i think there's potential to have it's own fun unique direction. 

 maybe the wittebanes are still human, maybe odalia also is working with the collector to keep her on the top, lotta room for fun here.

So yeah, fun swap aus with twists that could make them into unique canon divergence/swap aus, they don’t have to follow canon to an exact, they’re a fun spin on the canon show + putting characters into each other’s roles.

and i loved coming up with them, even if i don’t complete them into a full project myself

#the owl house #toh #the owl house hunter #the owl house hunter #golden guard #toh golden guard #the golden guard #the owl house golden guard #caleb wittebane #philip wittebane #emperor belos #gus porter #luz noceda #willow park #huntlow #edric blight #emira blight #amity blight #odalia blight #alador blight #the collector #lilith clawthorne #terra snapdragon #evelyn clawthorne

[blonkk]

im gonna rant!!!

i’m so tireeddddd of people projecting their pathetic insecurities onto everyone else (me). like i’m sorry you’re afraid to be alone and you don’t know who you are and you’re insecure and you have no courage. not to be a bitch but seriously. idc anymore maybe i am stuck up maybe i do think i’m better than you!! but coming at me because i refuse to do what everyone else does with such contempt and vigour just exposes you. like i have accepted that in my life i will not experience romantic love. not because it doesn’t exist, it does for some people, but i’m not gonna base my entire life and goals around meeting someone, falling in love, marrying them and having their children. i’d be ready to end my shit right now if those were my goals, being 28 and not even having a boyfriend. that means i’ve already failed at life but i knowwww i’m still a caterpillar. like be serious. sooooo yeah, sorry that in your narrow worldview everyone needs to basically get married and have kids, and there’s “someone out there for you” — what so all women gotta find that person by age 30 or our lives are over?? 😂 you delusional weirdos sound like hardcore christians. like maybe there is someone for me who i’ll meet when i’m 45 or 70! maybe i’ll never meet them! maybe there isn’t anyone because that’s just the way the world is! but i’m selfish because i don’t want to spend my life being miserable because i can’t find love and place all chances of future happiness on this person and the privilege of bearing/raising their kids??!!? so i should just settle for second best — of something i don’t even WANT — because everyone says it’s the point of life?… anyways

i’m just annoyed like i said. i can accept a loveless life, it’s hard but i’m ok lol. yeah it gets sad and lonely sometimes but truth is i have a pretty wonderful life that i’m thankful for, despite sadness, loneliness, grief etc. being in love won’t improve things in any significant way imo. i don’t want to be isolated in a relationship with a man. i don’t want to live with a man. i don’t want to have kids. i like my life; i like my 50 year old snowboard bum roommate, i like my shit car, i like having the ability to do whatever i want. i like bouncing from job to job, despite the financial insecurity and general lack of stability; all my life i’ve wanted to be free and independent, and i finally am — i can take care of myself which is what matters. i love my friends, i love exploring different hobbies and places and careers. i am literally unemployed and haven’t been this happy in a long, long time. i’m so sick of people telling me they “want me to be happy” but ignore me when i say i finally truly am. they just want to shove me in their stifling little box with them for god knows what reason. just because you think your life is perfect doesn’t mean it will be for everyone. idk, things change! maybe i’ll change too! but for now shut the fuck up. go be in your annoying relationship with your insufferable bf/husband and tell everyone how much were missing out on by not being married/having kids. the gals a couple feminist waves back beg to differ along with the steadily rising divorce rates and rapidly declining marriage and birth rates.

you’re the one who’s unhappy. if not, then you simply lack compassion and general respect for others. your worldview is small and you’re ignorant. your life is yours, others have different wants and will follow the path that leads them to those things. we all suffer for our choices — sure, i may wish at times i had a spouse and a house and a mouse. that doesn’t mean it’s what i have always wanted deep deep down. it means it’s normal to wonder what it would be like to have what you don’t and yearn a little sometimes. BUT i’d literally never give up my freedom. i think back to high school often and how restricted i felt; i couldn’t breathe. i flailed in that environment because it was so rigid. i’m never, ever going back to that, ever. i have self respect

#dni #this was a lot my b #had to get it off me chesticles #sometimes i just want to shake people #like girl….congrats you got married….wow…women have been doing that forever lol #do something cool or different #like i’m tired of acting like it’s some big accomplishment to find love #idc #call #me bitter #call me whatever you want #i’m happy for my friends etc when they’re happily ina relationship or get married don’t get me wrong #the line is crossed when they act like it’s the point of life #and project unasked for pity on me #like seriously. you’ve done what women have been forced to do for millennia #…congrats? ig #anyways

[aroaceconfessions]

hi i’m here bc i need to rant. warnings for acephobia and invalidation ahead

OK so. i love my family. they’re incredibly supportive of me and i’m pretty sure they’d all kill for me. that being said. the casual acephobia i get from my parents ANY DAMN TIME i talk about my sexuality (or lack thereof) is fucking exhausting and so invalidating and it sucks.

like for example: tonight i was explaining to my brother why i don’t masturbate (basically just saying “i get nothing out of it and i find it either boring or uncomfortable depending”) bc he fell into that stupid youtube nofap trend that’s literally just repackaged evangelicalism but that’s a different conversation. anyways my dad jokingly goes “yeah she’s crazy, you’re just holding yourself back” and it made me want to kill him. haha funny. i’m crazy for not wanting to participate in something that makes me ACTIVELY UNCOMFORTABLE. thanks. and i point out to him like “hey let’s not equate my asexuality [still questioning where i fall on the spectrum but yanno] with being crazy please and thank you” and he kinda acknowledged it but not really. so the conversation moved on and i started talking about my personal reasons to avoid masturbating n porn again and then my MOM chimes in with the ever so lovely “hey i’m not trying to say you’re wrong but have you ever considered that you may just want to have sex later?” oh my GOD i was annoyed the first time but this brought tears to my eyes. i, trying not to choke up too hard, said “yes that’s why i waited for so long before using the label but i’m ace right now and that’s what matters” and attempted to move on. i knew i couldn’t so i quickly let the conversation end and went out to our garage where i cried for like. a solid… idk 10 minutes? 20? i have no perception of time but it was a bit. the “what if you change your mind” has always been the piece of internalized aphobia picking at my brain and it actively kept me from letting myself just be acespec despite the fact that i’ve probably known for years. i think i first questioned in jr high. worst part is they don’t even REALIZE how hurtful it is to say those things. so I have to be the one to educate them and i’m so TIRED of it. i love explaining things but god i should not have to justify my existence to you!!! why does it matter what i choose to do with myself it doesn’t affect you i have autonomy!!!! like. do they WANT me to make myself feel unsafe by “biting the bullet” and having sex when i don’t wanna? of course not! but the shit they say tells me they’re subconsciously thinking it!! it’s so so fucking invalidating and it makes me wanna cry/scream. if even my horniest of friends can be perfectly chill with and normal about my asexuality then my parents can too. it’s not that hard they already knew i was queer before i learned abt this part of it. you wouldn’t tell a lesbian “hey how do you know you’re not attracted to men if you haven’t slept with one” but APPARENTLY it’s fine to tell me “how do you know you’re ace if you’ve never had sex” oh i don’t know maybe because i’m almost an adult now and i have NEVER ONCE FELT HORNY OR HAD A DESIRE TO BED SOMEONE I FOUND ATTRACTIVE ????? CRAZY HOW THAT WORKS I KNOW.

on the bright side i’m forming a plan to set that boundary with them and i got to actually cry out loud which i haven’t done in way too long (middle school taught me to silent cry 😔) so. progress there at least but GOD i’m so ticked off

#asexual #ace #acespec #aspec #aphobia #acephobia #invalidation

[pinkspiraling]

venting about childhood trauma and how i’m still living in it

i wish i could go around and ask people what it was like to get in trouble in their house bc idk if my experience was wack or not bc when i start to explain it i’m like hmmm…that seems normal. but then maybe not? like they’d take our phones and look through them once they knew we had done something Bad, which means they usually found something else on the phone to be mad about. and then they wouldn’t yell but they’d be angry and disappointed yk and they always acted like they just couldn’t comprehend why we couldn’t just do the right thing! like why did we mess up and do something not good! why! it always felt like an over reaction i guess, they’d have lots of punishments which were always no phone, no electronics or tv, no friends, have to see a christian counselor, have to go to bible study more often/consistently, have to read my bible. etc. when i got caught for drinking i had 11 punishments and they only carried out like half of them. idk i feel silly cause it’s like yeah i got grounded…i messed up and got grounded and my parents were disappointed in me just like every other teenager to ever exist. so why tf was it so traumatizing like holy fuck it was traumatizing it was soooo anxiety inducing all the time to think you might get in trouble any second and you couldn’t control the reaction you’d get and you couldn’t control the punishments, you couldn’t control how they felt about it. like sure if you just lay out what happened it’s maybe not that bad, but i felt so much true fear towards them all the time and i just wonder if that’s not the normal way to feel about your parents. when i would get in trouble i always felt horrible and wanted forgiveness immediately bc i was scared they would stop loving me (like they did with my sister!) and i’m just fucking mad honestly that now i’m like this! like i constantly feel on edge like someone is going to get me in trouble and it’s going to be bad! i feel like someone is waiting to hate me or be disappointed in me and any minute i’m gonna have punishments and angry people who are More Worthy than me who don’t understand why i couldn’t just be good! i don’t wanna deal with this i don’t want to feel like every person is my mom and i’m 7. it’s stupid cause it’s not even actually about feeling 7. i just never stopped feeling that way, its like i know that’s where it started and then it just couldn’t stop. i never learned that getting in trouble or messing up wasn’t a bad thing that people would hate you for. there was no room for error and now i’ve continued that expectation for myself which is crazy! like i am literally just a person i am not a hero, there is no god that wants me to make him happy. i am just a person who is living and it is hard and sometimes idk what i’m doing. i can’t keep being this hard on myself i just won’t be able to survive this way. i am so cruel and so unfair to myself and i give myself so many punishments and ive just been feeling like yeah but at least it’s me! at least it’s mine and i get to say when im in trouble and for what. at least there is control but idk i don’t want it i want to fuck up on accident and forgive myself. i want to fuck up on purpose and forgive myself bc i’m sure i had reasons and now i’ve learned it. life is just learning shit, wtf am i doing trying to be Good. worst part is, my mom would still freak out and overreact if she found out…anything from my actual life lmao. i hate that i still live in that fear! although now it is small and in my hands i can simply squash it because it comes from nothing true. it comes from people who should’ve done better for my younger self and i’m ready to kill it. anyways the original question is basically when other people got grounded did it feel like god ripped you out of the universe and wailed in his disappointment and then threw you back into your house with all the rage still there or no?

#being an adult is weird cause your childhood isn’t relevant to your life but its the foundation in your brain #but typing that out felt really good and i didn’t quite realize all of that like i knew…but i didn’t know #i feel powerful now that i know. like yeah the fear was not normal and not deserved and that’s why i can’t get rid of it #pink’s word vomiting #tw religion

[peasthedumb]

MY BABY BOY ITS GLITCHED NIGHTMARE I DONT CARE THIS IDEA IS PROBABLY DONE LIKE A MILLION TIMES ,THIS FELLA IS MINE.

Yeah I already did one post about him (the rushed doodle a lil bit back) but I’ve actually made his design this time.

Btw, he LOVES compliments. He thinks he’s absolutely astounding and that his presence is a gift in itself.

Idk wether to actually give him a story or make him just exist for the sake of it.

Well- I have an idea for what his story would be (which roughly translates to: I’m making this up as I type and I’m not gonna look back over it to fix it)

Maybe, there’s still the tree and the twins, but for some reason it’s in the middle of the anti void. Dream and Noot both obviously know the dangers of being alone in the void for extended periods of time (aka glitching), so they’re both very careful to stick with each other and keep each other sane. Time passes, but idk how long cause time is meaningless in the void. Could’ve been minutes or lifetimes, but to them it felt a little like a few years.

One ‘day’ though, despite their best efforts, Nightmare became an error. He was very confused cause he and his brother had been so careful about trying to make sure the void didn’t get to them. But then Nightmare realises, Dream isn’t here? Wait a minute, he was never real. It was a hallucination, probably caused by the effects of the void. The tree also had no golden apples on it, only black apples. In a bit of a “oh shit my life’s a lie” moment, he decides to go eat those black apples cause to him, they’re probably not real either.

Well uh- they were real so now he’s a glitchy goopy tentacle monster.

He’s not sure wether dream was ever real at some point, and it did eventually click how weird it is that there’s just- a tree in the anti void. He made a theory that maybe something happened in whatever AU he came from that sent him here, but the glitching probably erased his memories and made him think this was just how life was.

(What actually happened was actually pretty much normal dreamtale storyline up until just after Nightmare accidentally corrupted the apples on the tree, then- idk something happened that caused him an the tree to get glitched into the anti-void. Dream n the rest of Dreamtale was left behind very confused. Dream has been trying to find his bro since but last time he saw him he was passive and un-glitched so he wouldn’t recognise him)

(If this post makes no sense, it’s cause I can’t be bothered to re-read it 50 times like I normally do)

#nightmare sans #I dunno #I make things up as I go along and hope it works

[team-heavenly]

Final Chapter

...

Okay, am I really about to do this? Am I really about to type this tongue-in-cheek chapter title, just after Togetic tragically gave his life so we might live? Am I really about to make the jarring jump from “deeply emotional sacrifice with an inevitable tragic conclusion” to “oldest internet joke in the book”??

...Sigh... Fine... Welcome to the concluding chapter of our randomizer journey, otherwise known as...

Hot Team Charm Singles in your area!

Part 2 is a click away.

So is Part 3.

And Part 4.

Now... let’s roll.

I don’t normally take pics of transitions, but the Rainbow Stoneship is too pretty to leave alone. Slight eyestrain ahead!

Annnnnd we’re off! 🌈🚀

I like that I was able to capture the “!” here. I don’t think I’ve been able to do so before now.

So were those giant hunks of rock always suspended in mid-air...? We see a cascading trail of them in the dark future, presumably because the tower fell. But we start to see it here even before the final collapse. Hmmm.

Of course Andrea waits for her 🥺️❤️️

LITERALLY a Dynamax cloud, no?!

Although I suppose the tower’s clouds are more red. But I love the unintended symbolism here. Breaking news: inanimate objects can Dynamax!

I had to up the brightness (or choose the “lighter” shot) on a lot of these shots and uh... looks like I did a better job on some than others 😅 This one looks hella washed out compared to the one below.

I’m guilty of changing the dialogue here. Andrea took four boxes to explain what could have been said with one. Plus she’s like, “I think Togetic mentioned time stopped because the tower collapses!” which. C’mon girl. We know that. That’s why we’re here.

(Enjoy what I think is the best “final stage of the game” music in existence!)

I spent a long time in front of the tower here, exchanging items and thinking over our current movesets.

Here’s where Teresa stands stat-wise before our final dungeon. (Idk why her attack is so much higher than her special; must be a combination of Gummi effects and Togepi-line exclusive items.)

And here is where Andrea stands. Honestly, she’s better off with the stat distribution.

Here’s Andrea’s moves. They haven’t changed at all since I taught her Octazooka. She’s been trying to learn a lot of others- some good, some bad- but this combo is too good to let go of. It’s proven itself to be reliable and true.

As I browsed through our TMs (all of which are either exclusive to Teresa or unlearnable by both), I found a gem I forgot about: Roar of Time.

It was tempting for a moment, but is it at all practical? No, not really. Low PP, stall effect... and we already get AoE with Blizzard. We’re good.

But! Considering Teresa has a better Attack stat and the rest of her moves are Special, let’s make the one physical move she has count. Sure, Poison Tail has five stars of power and Dizzy Punch only has four... and sure, Poison Tail has an increased crit hit rate... but look at all the positives:

Dizzy Punch has higher accuracy: Poison Tail has six stars while Dizzy Punch has seven stars.

Dizzy Punch also has higher PP, even if it’s only by two digits.

Poison Tail has a chance to poison- which is fine and all- but Dizzy Punch potentially causing enemy moves to miss? That could be a huge deal in a pinch.

And Dizzy Punch has STAB? The answer seems clear to me.

Oh and at the last minute, I threw Andrea one of our Miracle Chests, just so she could catch up a little on that EXP. I kept the Aura Bow in the bag though; she’ll equip that just before the final showdown.

Heck yeah we’re ready, let’s go do this!!

Um... WHAT? Is it possible we took an interdimensional portal through the tower entrance, a la the final level of Super Mario Galaxy? Or is this just Towering Country all over again?

...Wait, what even is a Cay?

Oh, kind of like a atoll. Well, if nothing else, this randomizer has taught me the names of various locations and structures!

Also it’s... unsettling just how much of this dungeon had “dark future” aesthetics and music. This is just one example (and I think this environment is literally the future Temporal Tower dungeon.) 5F had the Deep Dark Crater music, 7F had Icicle Forest (from SE5), 13F had Dark Hill...

It feels like a bad omen honestly; a prophetic glimpse into a future hissing of our failures.

Speaking of:

Since this is our last adventure, I made a point of documenting the end of all (or at least most of) our unsuccessful runs. What you guys see is only a mere fraction of what Team Heavenly actually endures.

So anyway. I had no chance in hell with this one.

Turtwig hit us while we were hurting from previous assailants... and he was a dragon eldritch god, apparently.

LOOK AT HOW MANY TRAPS I UNCOVERED WITH AN ORB ON THIS FLOOR. Those are 9 red x’s. Absolutely absurd.

And now, the highlight reel of the Monster Houses:

2F had an interesting configuration. It was always two giant rooms connected by a long vertical passageway. Either you spawned in a MH, or faced a steady wave of like... 10-15 enemies? Who inevitably approached you from the other room, just one after the other. If your room had a bunch of items, you acted like this was the Hunger Games: you only grabbed what you absolutely needed and then RAN for the stairs.

On one run (I believe it was 6F?), I just BARELY scraped by a MH that had a Sharpedo with Silver Wind stat boosts and Roar of Time! Rare Fossils and a chance to freeze with Blizzard were absolutely vital to our survival.

On another run, I had a whopping five MHs. Over only 13 floors! On the fourth one, I was able to Totter Orb and Pure Seed out of there. But I immediately ran into another one on the next floor. Well, I’m fresh out of orbs and Reviver Seeds to cope by now. I’m ready to just power through with Blizzard but then Drapion also has Silver Wind!! I screech like a little girl and flee with a Pure Seed + Rollcall combo.

And of course, that’s the run where we survive, so I am absolutely SOL for any more MHs... and we have only one shot at Cubone.

This is totally random, but I love the Midnight Forest aesthetic here.

Okay so something cool that happened here. The music is still the same in the overworld because I chose not to randomize that. So Temporal Spire is playing here, right?

Normally, when going into the dungeon, the track changes to whatever.

This time? The first floor happened to have the Temporal Spire track. So the music continued from the waypoint instead of cutting off suddenly with a random tune! That was a good feeling.

Our very last dungeon... is DANGEROUS FURNACE. Sorry, I didn’t realize we were walking into the Book of Daniel, Chapter 3.

At one point, I had to reset and:

??? SO IS TEMPORAL TOWER THE PROSPEROUS BOG OR NOT?!?

I was hoping to finish the dungeon before moving on to the next part but tumblr hates me, so follow the neon signs please!

#pokemon mystery dungeon #pmd explorers #explorers of sky #randomizer #final chapter #chapter 20

[notabled-noodle]

thank u for your answer! It was very helpful :]. but I also have another question if that’s okay. so I notoriously have a hard time destinguising my ocd obsessions from delusions sometimes. (and also have question if I have a schizophrenic spectrum disorder too but I remain unsure for another reason that I kinda also wanted to ask abt that if that’s ok it’s relating to adhd/autism symptoms surprisingly enough but not in this ask and noo im nkt asking to dx me dw). and the reason why is that when I have ocd obsessions often it’s like “yes I 100% believe this” and the compulsions 100% need to happen to help it and they do help… but also sometimes I have these “this thing feels 100% real” moments and a compulsion doesn’t exactly help or get rid of the thought? and basically also people say “well it’s not an ocd obsession if u 100% believe it” or some people say “yeah sometimes ocd is like that and there becomes no clear difference between that and delusions.” so I’ve been confused .. but then I look into delusional insight in ocd and I guess then these things ARE both obsessions and delusions bc of ocd? so delusional insight would feel like “I really 100% believe in this thought/idea” and delusional insight is both an obsession and a delusion unique to ocd? so it’s correct to say psychotic ocd exists and that people who have delusions with it are psychotic? bc I also was told that delusions alone is “not psychosis”

also what if u have obsessions abt things that are true? example: if person touches thing with dirty hands then it is dirty and contaminated and I can’t touch it ever. yes it’s an obsession but what if they are dirty so it is 100% true ? is believing that still delusional insight? and do delusions in ocd have to always come with a compulsion and always be an obsession… what if someone gets like idk an example like erotomania or delusional misidentification syndrome .. can that happen in ocd?

psychotic OCD and delusional OCD definitely exist. here’s a paper discussing five case studies of patients presenting with psychotic OCD (don’t worry, it’s pretty readable actually).

delusional insight is in the DSM for a reason. in OCD, the amount of insight a person has into the reality of their obsessions is on a spectrum, and an individual may move up or down on that spectrum throughout their lifetime. once you reach delusional insight, OCD can bring about other symptoms of psychosis, such as visual or auditory hallucinations and phantom sensations.

and yes, delusional insight is “I definitely believe that my thoughts are true”. even “I am 90% sure my thoughts are true” would probably fall into the delusional insight category.

with the example you gave, I’m going to break it down a little:

that man’s hands are dirty —> probably true

he has left dirt/germs on the object —> probably true

the object is contaminated and I can never touch it again —> NOT true

your brain has skipped a step of the logical reasoning process. most people would then either go “eh probably not that many germs, I’ll be fine” or they’d wipe it down, and then be fine. if you start to end up down the line of “dirty things will be dirty forever” and convince yourself that you see dirt or germs where there is none… that would probably still fall into the delusional category, depending on how convinced you are about these beliefs.

these delusional beliefs would still normally be accompanied by a compulsion of some kind. if every one in six obsessions have no compulsion, that’s probably normal and the delusions can be chalked up to OCD. the key thing is that a large majority of the time, the delusional beliefs lead to a compulsion of some kind.

I couldn’t find anything that connected erotomania to OCD. in fact, much of what I found was claiming that the two are completely disconnected, and can only look similar due to relationship OCD. now. I don’t know either way, because I couldn’t find a super reputable source that covered this topic so… I just don’t know.

I’m not sure if you’ll be able to access anything other than the abstract of this paper, but it did find a connection between OCD and delusional misidentification syndrome. they found that it was rare, but that OCD alone could indeed cause delusional misidentification!

I hope all of this helps, and that I answered all your questions!

#ocd #tw ocd #psychosis #tw psychosis #asks

[evilhue]

something that’s been on my mind

(i was about to make the above-cut “quick thots” but this is the entire opposite)

now this doesn’t plague me or anything because frankly i don’t really gaf like that but at the times i do think about my appearance i spend a large portion of it debating whether i am actually attractive in other people’s eyes (which sounds stupid as fuck to say/type now that i’m looking at it LMAO)

and i’d like to reiterate it really doesn’t weigh on me that much! i don’t beat myself up for not looking like a model it’s just i see so many beautiful people in my life and i have never placed myself in those ranks. and neither have i bothered asking either cuz 1) i know i’m not lol 2) i’m not looking for pity which is how it usually comes across.

i don’t deem myself classically or conventionally attractive tbh but i think i have the general proportions and positions that (if not for injuries leading to asymmetry) would put me at a very normal cute level (which to me is attractive. and this is the point where i realize i never defined attractive which is funny cuz i don’t experience attraction like that. so i guess i mean not harsh on the eyes!) i’ve never been upset with the size/placements of my eyes/nose/mouth etc. i have beautiful lips! my eyelids are “big”. i love my nose to death unevenness and all!!

my “ugliness” comes from asymmetry which used to weigh on me a lot because it all stemmed from childhood injuries… my eyelids are beautiful… individually lmao. if they matched, both looking like my left or both looking like my left, i would be unstoppable! my eyebrows are uneven again bc of those injuries! my jaw is hella uneven bc of braces/palate expansion trauma, but my left side looks snatched as hell. but also bc of unevenness there, my lip corners and teeth aren’t even on the same axis. all this has made my face veeeeeery asymmetric, plus existing scoliosis problems exacerbate this asymmetry lol. additionally my skin is clear (ie no acne + scars) but my eczema has been so bad before that i’m still recovering from discoloration in weird embarrassing areas.

if being privy to thoughts on the interwebs has taught me anything it’s that everybody has insecurities they fixate on that /i/ literally don’t notice. which i assume means nobody else notices! (but also, i must disclaim that it may just be my not noticing because i don’t care like that lololol). i feel like all my friends are so normal (/good /pos) in appearance but then they’ll rant about their insecurities with eyebrows or nose size or something and it’s like dawg! i ain’t even notice that. meanwhile in more photos than not, i find my own appearance very unflattering - the way i deal with this is to simply not take pictures of myself 🤣🤣

i know the angle (singular) that works for me which becomes quite apparent once i go to look at the pics i actually like of myself LMAO. i am unable to take selfies! i genuinely think i look my best when i’m having a laff or am just cheesing really hard - candidly! anything i pose for looks weird, my RBF looks terrifying with the asymmetry. again, it’s whatever. i’ve come to accept it, albeit reluctantly over yeeeears of dwelling on it.

but the thing that stays confusing to me is that people DO call me hot, find me attractive enough to attempt to flirt at least lol. and idk if it’s a personality thing? or if they are tricked by my one single angle where i look güd? or if they somehow see a different picture of me (highly likely) but have spun it into a version where i am hot (which i can’t believe)? certainly i don’t think photos do me justice which is a shame in this day and age.

so yeah i’ve never really gotten any concrete answers from people who like me about what exactly they like about my appearance. sure my body is conventionally “skinny” (i still have insecurities about this tbh) and people say i dress nice (which is. lol. i guess i try). when i really try my makeup can look pretty slayyyy (in most circumstances i do not try because a) effort b) idc that much c) it requires looking at myself which i find extremely difficult (i probably should have started this post with that fact huh)). i don’t think i’m hot (a word i have heard more than others like gorgeous, beautiful) and in fact more times than not consider myself on the ugly side of the conventional spectrum.

but. eh not sure it really matters all that much to me. especially since it isn’t so much an insecurity as much as an observation of my self-image over time. i don’t think it’s a self-esteem thing either. also it’s not as if i care about making myself look pretty enough to other ppl to want to date/know me or whatever.

tl;dr: to me it’s quite simple; i’m not thaaaat cute! so it becomes bewildering that people do seem to like my unconventional face (and claim it, or me overall, to be attractive), which to me is the wrong kind of unconventional since it has everything to do with asymmetry in every aspect

EDIT and ik it’s a bit weird to say this post-post but: i strongly believe “attractiveness” goes beyond physical attributes! which is why i’m not sure anyone is actually talking about my face, physically, when they say i’m hot lol

[mrgregor]

comprehensive emo post about how I’m doing/feeling because I want to get some stuff off my chest 

Been feeling better these past two weeks because the weather is Finally great and I’ve gotten heavy into Pikmin Bloom (lol) so I’ve been going on really long walks, but the underlying feelings of like Complete Apathy and Pervasive Dread and Misery from the last few months are still just, there. 

I just, am not looking forward to the future at all. The fact that the sun is going to come up tomorrow fills me with dread. Not because of “who knows what the future will bring” or “anxiety about where I’ll be in 5 years” or anything, but because I just like, don’t want to do this anymore. I put off going to sleep for a lot of reasons, including because it means I’ll have to Wake Up and face yet Another day. Feels like an absolute onslaught. 

And I’m also still just at record high levels of apathy. Applying the sunk cost fallacy to things like “eating” (why bother when 1.) I’ll just have to eat again and 2.) for what? to stay healthy? I don’t care about that) and “making money” (who cares, hit me with financial ruin and put me in the ground). I’m so tired. I feel like my frustration has curdled into misery and indifference. I sincerely feel like I don’t care what happens to me as long as I don’t have to have a say in it. I really don’t care all that much about improving my material reality right now.

I’m just being Dramatic but feels like I’m at my absolute worst. Don’t feel like I have anything to say, so I’ve been quieter around friends and online and whatever. Feels like I’m disappointing people. And I feel like I have nothing to contribute just, in general. Nothing to offer, shrimply a little ol’ empty man. And the fact that I’ve lived in this place for 5 years and still don’t feel like this is my home, or that anywhere feels at home. I usually feel adrift but it’s weighing on me more now. I don’t really know what to do, about feeling like the future is dreadful and not caring about my life. Not sure what the move is other than “wait and see.” 

And, surprisingly, I don’t *really* want to talk about how I’m doing with anyone. Usually I’m pretty readily venting and complaining and otherwise sharing how I’m feeling, but lately I find myself saying things along the lines of “yeah not doing great but I don’t really want to talk about it” to give people Something because it’s pretty obvious that I’m not really doing too well. Or maybe I just think it’s obvious. But also, I’ve looked Bad a few times around friends and felt concern coming off them. Idk. Honestly the answer I give perhaps word-for-word when people ask me how I’ve been or how I’m doing is just “oh, you know. I’ve been like *fine* haha.” I’ve never been more sure that I like for real Need professional help but whoops, unemployed and no insurance.

But yeah. These past two weeks I’ve been eating more, not sleeping 16 hours a day / staying awake for days straight, actually sending out job applications, being less reclusive, noticing I think about killing myself less, etc. So trending upward. I’m still sad though. Feels like nothing ever changes, this constant cycle of Absolute Misery to I’m Normal Again, ad infinitum. . 

Unrelated: Been brain poisoned into thinking a friend is mad at me / is annoyed with me. I know it’d be annoying to ask “hey are you mad at me” because 1.) y’know how it is and 2.) genuinely no grounds to think this. I think genuinely the issue here is I truly have no read on guys and their feelings.

Unrelated: This round of jobhunting has made it painfully clear to me that I have no work experience / qualifications at all, really. I’m qualified to 1.) work at a bar (I don’t want to do that again right now, I don’t feel like I have the patience or capacity to do service) and 2.) write comedy (even if Comedy Writing Jobs existed, I’m mid at the very best). Copywriting, copyediting, advertisement, marketing, narrative / creative writing, administrative roles, I don’t really have anything convincing under my belt to get a job doing these things. My utter lack of a portfolio / body of work is getting to me again too. It’s a little funny how I genuinely used to think that I was qualified to do stuff like Narrative Video Game Writing when, even if I would do a decent job, I have no way of convincing strangers / other people of that. What would I show them? Headlines I wrote for A Comedy Site? Four-panel gag comics I made two years ago? F. 

I don’t even know what I want to do, nothing really excites me or gets me going, or inspires me to Try or Grow. Recently had the revelation that things like Drawing and Cartooning and Writing and Etc. are simply hobbies. They’re like games I can pick up and put down whenever I want, ways to pass the time when I feel like it. A relief / a weight off in one way, but now I really just feel like I’ve got Nothing going on, if that makes sense. Looping back to having nothing to say, nothing to contribute, feeling boring and uninteresting. And being boring isn’t a bad thing, you don’t exist to entertain anyone else and whatever, but the issue is *I* am bored with myself, *I* find myself incredibly dull and uninteresting, and I am unfortunately Me forever. 

Unrelated: A possibly positive side-effect of my current state of Apathy is that I don’t care about my appearance all that much anymore. I felt the worse I have ever felt about my body / my appearance this past fall, and now it’s just not on my mind. I can’t tell if this is Truly A Good Thing or if it’s just indicative of a greater I’ve Given Up sort of thing.

Unrelated: Because I am irresponsible and don’t think ahead, taxes slugged me in the gut. I knew taxes were coming and yet continued to be absolutely flippant and irresponsible with my spending because I resent money and I just don’t care. Gotta pay off what I owe in installments. It’s genuinely embarrassing to talk about. I’m not in a truly precarious situation, but yeah. Being a freelancer / contractor is dumb and evil. 

Alright, I think I’ve touched on everything brewing in my chest at the moment. 

[hellofeanor]

Fëanorian Quenya

Hey friends! Do you like elves? Do you like the Silmarillion? Do you like Fëanor and co? And most of all, do you like spending hours thinking about minor details pertaining to made-up languages??? If so, boy do I have a treat for you! Let’s delve into the weird world of Fëanorian Quenya and explore some history and mechanics of why they talk Like That.

I’ve seen a lot of posts joking about the Fëanorian lisp, which is about as funny as a joke about a speech impediment can be. 👍 It’s important to understand, though, that this IS a joke. No, they didn’t really speak with a lisp. Yes, they did pronounce some S sounds as TH. That’s the critical disclaimer here: SOME. It’s not a blanket pronunciation. There’s a lot of background research that goes into determining which words would be pronounced with S and which would be TH, and that’s what we’re going to look at.

So if this is something you’ve come across in fandom and you’re not totally sure on the details, or if you ARE sure and just want some more in-depth info, read on.

The stuff probably everybody knows already

For anyone who’s been hanging around the Fëanorian corner of the Silm fandom for more than three minutes, there’s about a 100% chance you’ve heard of Fëanor’s penchant for retaining an archaic TH pronunciation after the majority of the Noldor went ahead and started pronouncing this sound as S instead. You may also know that this sound is represented by the letter thorn (Þ) in HoME, but since thorn doesn’t exist in modern English orthography and it’s a pain to keep typing the ALT code, I’m sticking to TH here. Anyway, all this was due to the fact that Fëanor was a huge mama’s boy, and his mom Míriel Therindë (later called Serindë, which made Fëanor want to punch walls and possibly also fellow elves) was an outlier who retained the TH after it fell out of use. Her son Fëanor, in turn, kept this up to honor her. Now, whether or not he would have bothered if this sound hadn’t literally been a critical part of her name is debatable, but that debate is outside the scope of this essay.

Fëanor continued to use the TH pronunciation until his death, and required his sons to use it as well. Finwë, however, switched over to S after the death of Míriel and before his marriage to Indis. Fëanor, reasonable and level-headed as he was, took this as a personal insult and decided that anybody who rejected TH likewise rejected him. So presumably, his loyal followers would have obeyed his totally reasonable demands not to give in to the seductive S-shift.

Why tho

Why did the Noldor decide to alter their pronunciation from TH to S? Great question. Nobody really knows. For the hell of it? IDK. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But the important thing to understand is that elves, and especially Noldor, were really committed to making sure their language sounds cool. This is why it changed so much and so comparatively quickly for an immortal population: they were actively invested in changing it. They liked inventing new words and exploring new sounds and messing around with grammar.

So at some point some influential Noldo might have been like, hey y’all, let’s stop saying TH and say S instead! And everyone (except Míriel I guess, who was known for her elegant manner of speech and didn’t want to muck that up by changing pronunciation of a whole letter) was like, whoa, capital idea my good egg. And they went with it. Previous ideas along these lines included ‘hey y’all, let’s stop saying KH and say H instead’ and ‘hey y’all, let’s stop saying Z and say R instead’, and those went over swimmingly. Nobody could have foreseen the problem this TH to S business would cause.

Now here’s a fun fact. There was another change to Noldorin pronunciation that happened AFTER Fëanor’s birth, that he himself was involved in. This one was all about bilabial to labiodental F. And those sure are some words, so if you don’t know what I’m talking about (I don’t blame you), BILABIAL is a more whispery sound that happens when you say F using only air passing through your pursed lips, and LABIODENTAL is when you say F with your top teeth touching your bottom lip. Going forward I’m going to use PH to represent the bilabial sound, and F for the labiodental.

So F got on the radar of the Noldor via the Teleri, who used this sound in their language. And ol’ Fëanor figured it would be awesome to incorporate it into Quenya because he thought the PH sounded too close to HW, and the two were getting confused by lazy speakers. Why did he care? Because of his dad’s name and his own, of course. If people started to get lazy in their pronunciation, we’d end up with Hwinwë and Hwëanáro, which would be terrible and stupid and unacceptable. He accused the Vanyar of leaning down that road, and he wanted to stop that kind of shift before it happened to the Noldor. How to do that? Why, by instigating a different shift from traditional Noldorin PH to Telerin F!

“Hey y’all, let’s stop saying PH and say F instead!”

“Whoa, capital idea my good egg.”

Moral of the story: Fëanor is only concerned with Quenya pronunciation insofar as it affects his own name and the names of family members he likes. He does not care whether it’s staying the same or moving to a new sound so long as it personally makes him feel good and his name sound cool. Therefore the true way to piss him off would be to call him Curuhwinwë Hwëanáro, son of Serindë.

Okay so here’s how it works

Now that history is out of the way, let’s get back to how TH was used by the Fëanorians. As I mentioned earlier, TH wasn’t a blanket pronunciation. It all depended on the original form of the word, and whether the root had a TH or an S. And some very similar-sounding words come from different roots, so this can get tricky. A great resource that’ll give you this information is Eldamo: Quenya words where the S was originally TH are marked out with the Þ (thorn) symbol in the wordlist.

Some examples:

Súlë (spirit, breath) comes from the root THŪ, which means it would be pronounced with a TH. Silma (white crystal) comes from the root SIL, so it and related words like Silmaril would be pronounced with an S. No Fëanorian would say Thilmaril. Isil (moon), however, is a similar-sounding word that comes from a different root: THIL. Olos (mass of flowers) comes from the word LOTH, but: Olos (dream) comes from the root LOS. Fëanorian pronunciation would immediately differentiate between these two words.

While Fëanorians may have retained the distinct pronunciation of TH vs S, other Noldor can still differentiate between original S and S-that-used-to-be-TH in their writing. There are specific tengwar to use depending on the word’s original form. Silmë (the one that looks like a 6) is used for original S, while súlë (or thúlë, the one that looks like an h) is used for original TH.

Which other elves used this sound in their speech?

Fandom has really latched on to this TH as a Fëanorian thing, but it wasn’t that exclusively. The TH sound was actually ubiquitous in other elven languages, and in Valinor, only the Noldor dropped it. It was still used in Telerin and in Vanyarin Quendya. The Vanyar retained the TH not because of anything to do with Míriel, but just because they were a little more conservative and their language didn’t pick up on all the changes that the Noldor made. They also noped out of the Z to R shift the Noldor initiated, opting to keep the Z around.

When Indis married Finwë, she stopped using the normal Vanyarin TH and switched over to S as a gesture of loyalty to him and his people. Finarfin, however, out of love for the Vanyar and Teleri, switched BACK to TH. I like to think about how much it would have annoyed Fëanor that his snot-nosed kid brother was speaking correctly, but for the wrong reason. Go down one more generation, and Galadriel very specifically did not use TH. But this time it was absolutely a choice made as a glaring middle finger to Fëanor.

What this means for your fanfic or whatever

The big takeaway here: you can’t just have Fëanorians replace every S with TH and call it a day.

If you’re inventing names for your Fëanorian OCs or coming up with phrases for them to say, it’s important to look into the history of all Quenya S-words you end up using to determine if they should be S or TH. If Fëanor got mad about somebody saying Serindë instead of Therindë, he’d get equally mad about somebody saying Thilmaril instead of Silmaril and assume they were mocking him. Remember: this is a dude with no chill. (On the other hand, if you WANT somebody to be mocking Fëanor, Galadriel would 100% do this because she has an equally negligible amount of chill.)

It’s also important to note that the TH isn’t a true shibboleth, since pretty much all elves EXCEPT the non-Fëanorian Noldor use it. And even the S-preferring Noldor would still be able to pronounce the TH. Those who went into exile would go on to use it commonly in Sindarin, and those who remained in Valinor would still encounter it among the Vanyar and Teleri. So if you’re writing a scene where somebody has to pronounce a TH word to prove their loyalty… yeah, everyone can pass this test. And in the opposite direction, you can’t use TH to prove somebody’s an evil Fëanorian, either. They might just be Vanyarin or something. Or, like. Really Old.

Would the sons (and followers) of Fëanor keep using TH after his death? Oh hell yeah. This is an entire family unfamiliar with the concept of not dying on hills. They will keep using it unto the ending of the world. Actually, with Sindarin becoming the common language of Middle-earth from the First Age, probably not a lot of change happened in exilic Quenya. It became a lore language: a piece of living history. It would have been preserved as it was when the original speakers left Valinor.

(And then, thousands of years later, Galadriel finally returns home to Tirion like, Long have mine eyes awaited this most blissful of sights, and ne’er hath my sprit soared with such grace, for I am returned! And all the Amanyar Noldor stare at her like, whatchu bangin on bout, eh? Because they had nothing better to do in the peace of Valinor than push Quenya to brave and frankly questionable new horizons.)

Anyway, there you go: a somewhat brief history of Fëanorian Quenya. I hope you found this informative and useful, or at the very least not boring. Obvs this is super condensed and, uh, not particularly scholarly, but I promise I know what I’m talking about. I have a university degree! (Not in anything even remotely related to what’s written above, but I hardly see how that’s relevant. It’s still a DEGREE.)

Questions? Need clarification or want more info? My asks are always open!

#feanor #silmarillion #quenya #tolkien #middle earth

[fuzzy-melonlord]

So parts of this were inspired by a post @the-sugar-crash made about David dying his hair white. The other inspiration was 100% fruits basket and the scenes where Tohru talks to her mom’s photo. 

Pairing: David/Angel WC: 2K+ TW: mentions of death, mourning, guilt, struggling with emotions, graveyards Genre: idk what you would call this but like...Angst/fluff?

If someone asked Angel if they thought this was a good idea, they would probably lie. Yet here they were anyway.

Their boots met the soft dirt of the cemetery as they followed the directions Asher had written down for them. His map could definitely use some work, but they had known him long enough they could decipher his scribbling. Though in all honesty, they were appreciating the distraction. While on a normal day, Angel held theirself with an almost unparalleled confidence, and yet here they felt muted...nervous.

It only felt right that the weather seemed to match their mood. It almost made them laugh, it wasn’t quite raining like it would be if this were some cheesy movie where the weather was always dramatically on point with the situation, but it was still a rather muggy afternoon. Feeling a chill through their body, they pulled the edges of their jacket just a bit tighter around them. They continued to wander for a while, before they arrived right where they had desired to be. 

Etched into the firm stone was the name they had wanted to see.

‘Gabriel Shaw  Loving Father and Dear Friend. XX-XX-XXX - Sept. 3rd, 20XX’ 

For a moment they just stood staring at the cold marble headstone, staring at the dates. They had known how young he was when he had passed but seeing the dates firmly here, well that had it hitting home just a little harder. When they had gotten up that morning, kissing David goodbye as he went to work, they had been determined to do this. Coming here, it was important to them. Yet, now that they were here and seeing it with their own eyes they couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous. So in true Angel fashion, they pushed aside those anxieties and took a seat about a foot away from the headstone.

“Hey there Mr. Shaw…” That felt wrong. 

“Gabriel?” Wrong again. 

“Gabe?” A soft feeling washed over them as they spoke, comforting. They couldn’t help but smile at the feeling, “Yeah, Gabe. From what Davey’s said about you, if we had actually gotten to meet you probably would have made me call you Gabe. So might as well just go for it.” 

Their breath seemed to catch in their throat as they tried to think about their next words, struggling to find the proper way to say what they desired.

“So, obviously we haven’t met. I’m...well, your son calls me Angel.” A soft laugh left their lips, lingering on the air, “I just...I wanted to come meet you, and before you ask...no, he doesn’t know I’m here. He’s got a lot on his plate right now, a lot more important things than entertaining his Mate’s weird wish to talk to his dad’s gravestone.” 

They knew if David heard those words, he would probably grumble something about how they just needed to talk to him if they wanted to do something. He would probably call them a little snot, or one of the other silly names he called them whenever they were being...eccentric. 

“He’s doing great, by the way, as Alpha. I mean...I’m still getting used to the magical world and stuff. Oh, I didn’t mention that I’m unempowered, did I? Wow, I’ve got a lot to catch you up on!” They weren’t sure if David had done anything like this, he probably didn’t see a point in it. The dead couldn’t speak back to you, but to Angel it their way of connecting to someone that they had never gotten the chance to meet. After all, if magic and werewolves and all that shit existed, who is to say that ghosts don’t. Maybe Gabe was here, watching and responding in words that they could never hear. 

“But what I was saying is that, even though I still don’t really know all the things I need to know. What I do know is that he is a great leader, maybe a little self conscious but...that’s just his concerns about trying to fill your shoes.” Their heart clenched at the thought. He had talked a bit to them about his concerns about not living up to his Dad’s legacy, about feeling like he doesn’t deserve the Alpha position, but even looking on the outside as they did they could tell how hard he worked. They saw all the hours he overworked himself, making sure that his pack was well taken care of. “You apparently left some big shoes behind, Gabe. But I’m sure he’s gonna outgrow them soon. You’d be proud.” 

A silence filled the space between Angel and the headstone, the cold unforgiving engravings bore into their eyes. The words they had...sort of planned, seemed to be getting stuck in their throat. They had so many things they wanted to tell Gabe about, like how they met David, how David was able to solve pack problems with no real issues, how he had actually made their little front into a thriving security business. There were so many words they wanted to say and yet they couldn’t. One thought kept lingering in their head.

“I...wish you were still here,” They could feel the tell-tale sign of their emotions taking over, tears welling behind their eyes and their throat swelling making it harder to swallow. “He...he still dyes his hair, I don’t know if you knew. But he’s been bleaching it since you died, he can’t stand to see his darker hair cause it reminds him of you. Asher let that slip once, and I kind of put two and two together.”

A sharp breeze cut through the cemetery, causing Angel to clutch their jacket closer once again. Now regretting not bringing a larger jacket. For a moment they were silent once more, their thoughts drifting to what it possibly could have been like if Gabe hadn’t passed. In some crazy alternate universe, he probably was still alive. In that universe, David was still just the Beta but he had his father again. He wasn’t struggling to try and be just as good as his father, he was still getting to grow with his father by his side. He wasn’t thrust into a position of power right after the death of the person closest to him, he would have become Alpha naturally...when the time was right. 

“Geez, I’m making a horrible first impression,” They joked, lifting a hand to swipe at the stray tears that had slipped out as they imagined what could have been. “I’m usually so much more fun than this. I’m gonna blame the weather, it’s making me all mopey. I’ll have to come back again when it’s sunny outside and we can joke around more. I’ll have to tell you about how he thought I was stalking him when we first met.” 

“I’m sure he’d love to hear that one, Angel.” 

Angel stiffened at the familiar voice. Their body quickly twisted around to find theirself staring at a very familiar set of legs, their eyes trailing up and finding David staring down at them. A look in his eyes that they couldn’t quite read.

“Geez, Davey you really are an apex predator. Coming up all sneaky like that.” Their joke didn’t quite hit the mark as it usually did, what with the tears that they were fighting and the irritating shaking of their voice as they tried to speak. 

David scoffed, stepping forward and joining them on the ground. His eyes left them to stare over at his father’s headstone for a brief moment before his attention was back on his mate.

“Well, maybe you should get better ears. I wasn’t exactly trying to sneak up on you.” Though his words were harsh, as they normally were, he reached his arm out to pull them close and they felt a wave of comfort wash over them. So, silently, they let their head flop over onto his shoulder. 

“Now, Angel,  are you going to tell me what you’re doing here?” He didn’t sound upset, which Angel was certainly grateful for, but despite that they felt a well of guilt building in their gut. “You didn’t have to hide it from me, or pull the location from Asher. Who by the way did at least attempt to cover for you. He didn’t do very well, especially since he was talking about it to Milo while I was in ear shot.”

Being honest, Angel wasn’t extremely surprised. Asher was a good guy and they cared for him a lot, but sometimes he was a classic case of wisdom vs intelligence. They would have to thank him later for at least trying not to give away their location. A part of them wondered how long David had known their plan. They had asked Asher for the address almost a week ago, so anytime during that week he could have accidentally spilled the beans and yet...David said nothing if he knew. Not even this morning. 

After the last anniversary, Angel honestly didn’t know how to broach the subject. That night, it was the first time they had seen their mate so...vulnerable. They cherished the fact that David trusted them enough to show them that side of himself, but just thinking about it hurt them so much. They could see it in his eyes, just how much pain he was in. Standing here and being reminded that his father was gone. That it had been four years since the most painful day of his life. Angel had never wanted to be the one to put him in a situation where he had to deal with this. They wanted to be a light for him, someone that brought him joy and helped him relax. If they had just asked him to bring them here, to a place of such great heartache then they felt like the only thing they were succeeding in was hurting him more.

“I wanted to talk to him, I mean might as well introduce myself,” The chuckle that came from David in response to their words held little humor in it, it was dry and the sound caused Angel’s heart to clench. This was why they had wanted to come alone. They wanted to do this but they hated seeing David hurting, he had been through so much and yet he continues to push forward despite everything. 

“Well, you were doing a pretty lousy job. Talking about me the whole time barely constitutes a proper introduction.” His words indicated that he had heard quite a bit of their ramblings to his deceased father. And yet, they hadn’t heard him at all. They had been so focused on the task at had, so focused on getting their thoughts together, that they hadn’t noticed that they were being tailed. He had mentioned once before that they were oblivious to their surroundings when they focused but this really hit the nail on the head.

“Well, you think you can do a better job, Davey?” Their words were meant to be teasing, just some light hearted banter. But as they lifted their head off of his shoulder they could see that he seemed to have decided that, yes he could in fact do better. So he did.

“Sorry, I haven’t visited.” He muttered, eyes locked on the stone, “but...this is my Mate, I-I know if you were here you would probably scold me for not introducing you sooner. But, they’re the only reason I’m even here.” Hearing his words, Angel took his hand in their own and gave it a firm squeeze. Letting David know that they were there for him, even if it was hard. Even if the words he wanted to say didn’t come out right, they weren’t going to leave his side. The squeeze was returned as David clenched their hand, using the connecting skin as a lifeline to keep him tethered to the moment. 

“They are my whole world, just like how mom was for you. I honestly don’t know where I would be without them.” A crack, his voice wavering as he did his best to contain his emotions. Despite the fact that it was just the two of them in the cemetery, he kept up his tough persona. Kept the mask on, as if his dad were truly there and he was keeping that brave face on for him. Even though, from what David had said, there would have been no universe where Gabriel would have judged David for showing those emotions that lingered just below the surface. 

“And for some reason, they put up with me. Calling out my bullshit and reminding me not to work myself into the ground. I love them, and I know you would have loved them too. The two of you would have spent hours busting my chops. But...we’ll never know that for sure, because the dead can’t talk.” His words were practically confirmed as another freezing wind tore through the graveyard, chilling the normally overheated Angel to the bone. David’s grip on their hand only grew, but not to a painful degree.

“Now, we need to be going before they get sick. Since they decided that their thinnest jacket would be great to wear on the first day of a cold front, and I’d rather they not catch a cold.” With these words, David pushed himself up off of the damp ground and helped Angel up with him. Not letting go of their hand as he did. 

“...Bye Dad. I love you.” His words were so soft that Angel was almost certain that they imagined it. 

The walk back to their respective cars was silent, David leading them by the hand through the rows of unfamiliar headstones. The evidence of death surrounding them as they left. Once the two stood next to Angel’s car, he pulled them into a tight hug. His arms firmly pulling them as close as he could, face buried in their shoulder and they could feel something cold and wet on their shoulder. Confirming that he hadn’t been able to keep in those tears that he hated so much.  Without so much as a second thought, Angel returned the embrace. Their hand stroking his hair as they muttered soft comforting words.

They weren’t sure how much time had passed as they stood there, trying not to join David as he cried. Trying to be the rock that he so desperately needed, the rock that he said they were. They couldn’t ignore the lingering feelings of guilt at the situation, knowing that they were the one who brought this upon him. If they had just, ignored their urge they had felt, ignored the fact that talking to a gravestone would provide them with nothing, then he wouldn’t have needed to come here. It was their fault David was crying, and they felt like the worst person in the world for it.

After an indeterminate amount of time, David pulled back. The tell-tale tear tracks still lingered on his face as he pressed his forehead against their own. 

“Thank you.” 

Angel couldn’t stop the confusion that quickly took place on their face. David, seeing this, let out a soft chuckle.

“I...hadn’t been here since his passing. I was too scared to come here on my own, but...when I heard Asher telling Milo your little plan. Well...I figured it might not be quite as scary with you there.” Closing the distance, he gently planted a soft kiss on their lips. 

“I was right.”

#redactedasmr #redacted asmr #redacted david #redacted davey #redacted angel #david redacted asmr #davey redacted asmr #angel redacted asmr #no beta we die like men

[ptergwen]

omg what about a peter blurb where the reader turns their phone off to study or sleep or finish work to meet a deadline or something and they haven’t talked to peter al day bc of that and he freaks out imagining the worst (bc he’s seen the worst poor boy) and comes over to the reader’s apartment and they’re so confused and like make fun of him for being so worried 🥺 idk i just think it’d be cute

oh wow this one really got me :,)

peter 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

hey babe, hope you had a good sleep ♥️ wanna go for breakfast?

peter 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

i’ll take you to that place with the smiley faces in their pancakes :) the ones made of fruit

peter 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

it’s getting kinda late y/n... where are u?

Five missed calls from peter 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

too many thoughts are running through peter’s head as he jumps into his form fitting suit. his alter ego usually takes sunday’s off, but he’s making an exception for you. he’s insanely worried about you and why you haven’t returned any of his texts or calls. it’s well past noon already. you’re usually up by now, and you’re never not on your phone. something just seems off.

peter quickly swings through the neighborhood until he gets to your apartment building. he moves so fast that it’s reckless, banging into poles hard enough to leave bruises. that doesn’t matter to him, though. all he wants is for you to be okay. he wants to see you and know that everything is fine. you two haven’t hung out this weekend, so it’s been a couple days since he’s properly checked in with you. anything could happen in that timeframe.

you could’ve gotten hurt, or been taken, or much worse. peter isn’t even willing to let himself think what worse entails. he’d like to be logical and assume you slept in. maybe, his texts simply didn’t send. may has been meaning to make a complaint about their building’s spotty wifi.

in peter’s world, everything is unfortunately beyond logic. he’s freaking spider-man, which means people are out to get him. they’re out to get you. he has no clue what he’d do if they succeeded.

you spin around in your desk chair, earbuds playing music loudly while you read over your notes. final exams are coming soon. you’re using every free second you have from this point on to study for them. sighing, you star a definition you’ve been struggling with. your music drowns out the sound of peter frantically knocking at your window.

he can’t see you from where you’re sitting, so he isn’t sure if you’re there or not. it’s when you finally look up that you notice the red and black clad figure peering in. you gasp, startled at his sudden appearance. you pull out your earbuds and make your way to the window. peter lets out the biggest breath of relief when he sees you approaching.

“sorry, i was-“ your explanation is cut off by peter’s rambling. “are you okay? where have you been? i was... i was so scared something happened to you, y/n,” he admits in a high pitched voice, you only stepping back so he can come inside. continuing, he pulls off his mask. “did you not get my texts? or calls? i was trying to call you all morning. please don’t forget to answer me, y/n/n. you know how i get when-“

“i’m fine, peter!” you reassure him with a giggle. he’s out of breath from talking so much and rushing to you. “i’m right here. i’ve been here all day.” you grab his broad shoulders, which relax under your touch. “well... why didn’t you reply?” peter wonders, frowning as his arms come to hug your waist. “did you not wanna go out with me?“ confused, you tilt your head to the side. “i haven’t checked my phone in hours. i was studying. wait, you wanted to take me out?”

peter can calm down at last. you’re not in danger, you weren’t ignoring him. you were simply busy doing schoolwork. that, he actually applauds you for.

“for breakfast, yeah.” he manages a shy grin as he coaxes your body closer to his. “i’d ask if you’re still interested, but it’s a little too late now.” you raise a challenging eyebrow. “i love brunch.” “i love you,” peter deadpans and pecks your lips sweetly. humming, you bring a hand up to the back of his head while your lips press to his once again. his messed up curls brush your face as he leans in and kisses back.

“i love you, too,” you mumble against his lips, earning a real smile from peter. he’s still smiling when he breaks the kiss. he gives you a final one on your forehead, arms never leaving you. “how about you get dressed so we can bounce?” “will you swing me there? you came prepared,” you tease, heading over to your dresser. his face starts to heat up. “i thought you might’ve been in trouble.”

“in trouble of failing a test, not being sacrificed by a supervillain.” you’re laughing to yourself while you get your clothes together. fully blushing, peter takes a seat on your bed. “you never know.” he toys with his gloved fingers. “just wanted to make sure i could protect you, if you needed me.” “peter... baby,” you coo, walking back over to him with your outfit tucked under your arm.

“i appreciate you dropping everything and coming here, i really do. shows me how much you care.” you cup one of his pink cheeks in your hand, willing peter to look at you. he does, threading his fingers through yours. “i care a lot.” “so much that you drive yourself insane,” you agree. his lips stretch into a small smile. “trust me, you’re the first person i’m calling when bad guys try to capture me.” your thumb brushes over his skin, eyes softening.

“that makes me feel strangely better. i’ll think before i overreact next time,” peter decides and kisses your palm a few times. “you didn’t overreact. you’ve been through some shit, pete.” you nod to stress your point. “it’s a normal response, okay?” “thank you, baby. for... i don’t know, existing,” he chuckles softly. you ruffle his curls with a goofy grin.

“let’s go get some smiley face pancakes.”

#peter parker #peter parker fluff #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter parker fic #peter parker fanfiction #tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you

[pinkspiraling]

rambling sorry lol

well today i found out about a personality disorder i’d never heard of and i looked into it and ngl it sounded exactly like me. it could just be social anxiety tho i’m not really sure. i feel like i can only confirm that i’ve felt exactly that way since i was 18 after i had some traumatic experiences but like ? does that mean it can only be social anxiety or can personality disorders start that late. idk anything so sorry if i sound like a dumbass lol. i know forsure that i felt that way before sometimes but there were exceptions yk if i felt safe with people. i know i’m not making any sense cause i’m not being specific but if i’m specific i’m gonna feel weird and judged and like no one believes me so yeah here we are lol. i should prob go see a psychiatrist so that i’m not sitting around with this shit in my head like this. i’ve felt this way for a while tho where it’s like my social anxiety and sense of self loathing is so bad and occasionally i fight the self loathing really hard but it always comes back. so what does that mean? is it still there if i’m fighting it with everything i have??? i think so. it comes back so easily and so quickly. i miss out on sm in life and apparently like 12% of people have social anxiety but i just think…if those people have social anxiety the way i have social anxiety then how tf are they surviving and living normal lives. it took everything i had to get a job and it took me over a year to feel comfortable at the job and now i’m terrified to get any other job. i drop out of school bc i’m scared to actually have the career. i (prev) chose a career where i could work from home. like that was the main appeal of the major, i just wanted to work from home and not have to see anyone. i went to school online so i wouldn’t have to see anyone. it takes all the bravery i have to go to the fucking grocery store. i have to beg myself to go to liquor store for two hours before i work up the courage. like what is wrong with me i can’t be like this but it’s always sort of been like this, existing is just fucking hard and i’m tired of saying it’s “anxiety” bc like yes it’s anxiety but people don’t understand that it makes me feel like i’m dying it feels like i have to put every single ounce of courage i have into doing the most mundane things. i’m drunk sorry ew i’m being so whiny i just hate feeling so incapable esp at this age. i’m older than i thought i’d ever be and i am more anxious and scared than i was at 16. it hurts

#pink’s word vomiting #don’t read this i’m just being stupid

[holographicang3l]

My hot take on the Evangelion 3.0+1.0 movie

-40 mins of shinji crying, trying to get over the trauma seeing Kaworus head explode and splatter across the window is relatable.

- Mari confused the fuck out of me. Her existence didn't make much sense but ok. Too much boob shots, too much fan service.

- Asukas story was good. Liked that she's also a Type series like Rei. Too much fanserves. They put a shit ton of detail on her naked body. I hated it.

- the Angel concept of Asuka was cool though it was predictable.

- So little of Ritsuko and Misato. Little to no personality.

- Kaji probably controlled Mark 6 to cut off Liliths head to stop the impact. (theory / headcanon / could have been kaworu as well but damn)

- hated that everyone was blaming shinji even tho he saved everyone at the same time. Ungreatful people, trying to blame a kid for ALLL the mess is pretty messed up.

- Kaworu and Asukas soul piloting Eva 13 lmao (I assume at least that's the case)

- I was laughing so ugly about the animation fo 3d Rei. Didn't give me the creeps, I was just making fun of it.

- some scenes are quiet awkwardly cut.

-I HATED the 3d fight between Eva 13 and Eva 1. It felt unfinished and unpolished.

- I did like the trueman show style of backdrop in the fight, where Eva 01 slammed through the scene wall.

- funny headless mannequin flying hand in hand 3d style. Looked ugly af but I can see the artistics in it.

- Weird but, the voice of Fuyutsuki sounded off, as if it was wrongly recorded. Maybe it was just me.

- "The key of Nebukadnezar ITS FULL CYCLE BOYS" urgh.

- Shinji putting the fucking dss choker on like the Chad he is.

- finally got in the fucking robot. What a huge Chad.

-crying kaworu was nice. Made him more human.

- didn't see it as if Shinji thinks Kaworu as his father figure, Idk how people can interpret that shit. They just come off as similar. Just because I see someone similar to a family member doesn't mean that I see them as a father or mother figure yall just interpret what you want to.

- Timeloop theory confirmed, we did it boys, depression is no more.

- it felt like a shit ton of things got cut off due to the awkward pacing, dialouge and some scenes.

- Ryo-chan I can't fucking-

- Commander Nagisa ✨ It was all an elaborate plan. Kaworu probably developed the Anti L- barrier thing or at least helped. (headcanon)

- Kaji was like father to me (probably kaworu somehow)

- melon farmer Kaworu confirmed

- Adult shinji, bantering with Mari.

-don't like the boob thing tho.

- hated the fan service. Loaded like a baked potato.

-Rei was fucking cute

- I would die for her.

- Fuck gendou

-I will not sympathies with a fucking egomaniac.

- dude fucked humanity bcs he couldn't accept the death of his wife.

- super obsessed.

-what a moron. I swear.

- Gendo hugging Shinji was cute tho.

- can't accept his apology tho, still asshole, can go rot in hell.

- All parents are assholes in Eva except Touji and Hikari.

-Tsubume and Rei fucking cute I swear.

- Kensuke is the ultimate winner, he looks handsome. Would fuck

- Rei and the farmer woman were cute, I want more content.

- End scene was stupid.

- the ending in general was good tho.

- felt bitter sweet but also satisfying.

- One LAST kiss slaps

- What if?: orchestra, piano slapped my soul into the Anti universe and now I'm sitting on the Golgatha object, ready to find Kaworu.

- I wanted them to be all happy.

-hopefully they are.

- Mari and Shinji probably endgame

- probably just friends tho, I mean come on.

-kawoshinners are crying.

- Kaworu going to super hell (predicted, it's all full cycle kids, go home)

MORE STUFF!!

- Maria Iskariot?! I mean what (yeah I know what the innuation is here but still)

- Asuka is a clone, guess Langley was the Original but died and the Shikinami series was deployed Idk, I'm not anno.

- Fucking technoblabble and pseudo-philosophy

- my brain melted trying to understand half of the bs that was spoken about

- I like Ryoji Kaji Jr. He's cute. I want 500 fanfics of him being a cute gardener and being best friends with kaworu (please im in pain help me)

- Parallels between Gendou and Ritsuko shooting at each other *chefs kiss*

- the detail in the scenery was just amazing.

- I'm a headless wandering Eva (no thoughts head empty)

- I missed the mass production Eva's (way cooler though I really liked the skull Eva's as well)

- give me a 14 years before prequel or give me death (probably gonna die before it comes out)

- I swear I was so sad when doppelganger Rei busted into Fanta, best development of Rei ngl

- I can not stop my anger with Gendou I swear.

-I don't care how he's written Gendo/ Gendou/Gendoh, all versions are assholes

- That L barrier thing in Asukas eye was the most painful thing to watch. Body gore Asuka as always.

- NEON GENESIS

- "I'll come and get you Shinji" SHUT UP

- The self insert story was funny tho ngl

- That hair flip was fabulous

- KaWoRu AnD rEi aRe StAnDinG in ClOsE pRoXiMiTy ThEy mUsT bE tOgEtHeR (what the fuck, can't people have normal friends from the other gender? )

- ShInJi aNd MaRi hElD hAnDs ThEy mUsT bE tOgEThEr (what the fuck, can't friends of the other gender hold hands? Does that mean I'm dating my best friend for holding his hand?! MAKE SENSE PEOPLE)

- UwU Asushin is Canon UwU (In the past maybe, was a huge cockblock from anno here, go cry in a corner and read your top rated evageek hentai manga of Asuka x Shinji Jesus christ (don't slaughter me) )

- God is dead after the stunt Gendou pulled and Kawoshin is (no) more (lmao no but yes but no, don't slaughter me)

- UNIT8 be like: "you're talking mad shit for someone being in consuming range" and proceeds to eat all the units (vore is strong in this one)

- Eva 13 and Eva 1 hugging (and penetrating) best shit I've seen

- Maris scream for Asuka was painful. It ripped my heart in pieces.

- Angel Unit2 was too short. I want more of that.

-That tiny Kaworu in the background while Angel Asuka absorbs Shikinami (I don't know fam, the movie is confusing)

- I read somewhere that Headless kaworu corpse playing the piano in the entry plug was cut off from the script and Im not sure if that is true but I would have LOVED TO SEE IT

- Eva 3.0+1.0 was annos huge middle finger to all of Evangelion and I love it.

- tells us to grow up and stop hyperfocusing at the characters proceeds to make them as sexual as possible lmfaooo

- That Lance of WILLE thing looks like something out of Darling in the FRANXX series and I laughed so hard.

- YUI Yui YUI YUI Yui Yui YUI

- there you are YUI?!

- Mom was in me (I want to die)

- Gonna use plot device shit to make a Lance out of a spine (damn shinji obtained a backbone to defeat his deadbeat father, I would have never seen this coming *irony*)

- Gotta defeat your dad with the power of friendship TALKING (like any human being does)

- Anno says byebye (proceeds to think of 14 years past prequel, it makes money so I guess)

- Anno says grow up, proceeds to slap the fans in the face that you should stop using escapism as a coping mechanism in a world that makes you feel miserable and being in constant pressure to uphold a stupid image and start to live even though you're forced to work as much as possible with makes living hard af (I dotn know if you understand what I was trying to tell with this but if you do *Finger guns*)

- Give me the uncut version in a year or I riot

Thanks.

#evangelion #Spoilers #evangelion 3.0+1.0 #SPOILERS

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: July 10th

I really let asks get away from me lately. I was super focused on working on that Patreon Moment. With that done I can finally think about doing other things, so here’s a new collection of answers!

Thank you for sending in questions everyone ^^.

For the new Patreon moment, will you be able to reference it in step 4? Or just like a tiny nod to it if you pick certain choices?

There won’t be. I’m sorry if you were hoping for that! The Patreon moment is meant to be entirely optional, it’s not something that gets you extra content in the main game.

Is the new CG artist the main one now? :0 I’ve noticed theres been a difference in the art style recently. Is the old CG artist still going to make art for the game? :0

The original artist still makes CGs for the game sometimes, but he mainly focuses on character sprites.

Are you going to put the NSFW our life moment on a website other than patreon? I would love to get it but I can't use patreon atm.

I don’t know. I'm afraid we can't release the Patreon Moment on a normal game storefront because we can't mix 18+ content with our family friendly game. If there's some other place similar to Patreon where it's not the normal type of full-scale public content releases we'd consider using that, but I’m not sure if there is another site that’s better than Patreon in that regard. I'm sorry.

Out of curiosity, in all of your games so far, which characters in each were the most fun to write? They obviously don't have to be your favorite characters!

Buffalo Seer in AFA, really everyone in XOD/XOBD is pretty equally entertaining to write, The Guide in LoV, and Cove in OL!

idk if you accept "personal" questions, but is there anything you've been watching/ listening to lately

Mostly, I’ve been watching/listening to Authortube videos as of late! It’s people who talk generally about the process of how books become traditionally published and/or share their own experience as they attempt to be published. I don’t have an interest in writing normal text based books, but it’s really interesting to hear about that world. I’m listening to a video about royalties right now as I answer these asks.

Will one of the desserts we get to pick be fudge? That'd be such a cute reference! 

Haha, yeah, it should. Unless I completely blank on it and forget when trying to include the various referential food options.

I don't know if this has been asked previously but what would be the approximate heights for the presets MC can choose from Step 2 ~ 4? Are there any measurement you had in mind? Sorry if I didn't make myself clear kk I've been struggling with my English lately 💀 

I don’t know, ahah. I didn’t have any numbers in mind for that. So it’s whatever you imagine it is!

I noticed a bug with the Patreon moment when it comes to what your character wears. When Jamie and Cove are kissing while my character only had dresses selected, I had both the option to remove the dress or to remove the shirt... Picking one of the options to interact with Cove, after he removed his shirt, it had Jamie remove their shirt followed by ther pants despite only having dresses picked. 

Thank you for reporting ^^

I keep refreshing steam to see when the new doc for xobd will be released. I noticed you haven't posted anything about it in quite some time. Would it be possible to ask about a timeline/potential date? (If it's even this year—) I know you and your team are probably working super hard, I'm just super curious! ~Thank you!~ 

There are more stories done, I just haven’t gotten around to publicly releasing them. Hopefully I will have a chance to spend the time on that sooner rather than later!

hello!! i’m not sure if it’s an update but i’ve just replayed our life and at the end i can’t propose to cove anymore? :(( i’ve actually tried playing twice but the options are not there anymore, did you guys remove the options? i’m sorry if you’ve answered this before!! thank you and have a good one :) 

I’m afraid things haven’t been changed or removed, so I think you might’ve accidentally picked the wrong things somewhere along the way and locked yourself out of being able to propose by mistake. Sometimes you meant to say you want to get married but instead you mis-click and have it so the MC isn’t thinking about marriage or something. All I can suggest is starting from the beginning of Step 3 and making sure to follow the steps listed in the FAQ. I’m sorry for that.

Did yall remove some of the options for when youre making out with Cove in the charity moment? I could've sworn you could grab his bonkadonk and its not there anymore 

This is the same situation as the above. We didn’t remove things and you’re not wrong that there are sometimes those options. But there are various choices you have to make to get those options and it sounds like you accidentally missed something. If your relationship isn’t long-term, you can’t do it for example.

HI IM SO EXCITED I CAN FINALLY GET THE STEP 3 DLC 

Thank you for getting it!

Is Shiloh super totally straight bc I’m very gay and a huge Shiloh fan, would my man make an exception?😩

Sadly, he is one of our super straight characters. I’m sorry.

Hi, I have a very dumb question. In Step 2 does Cove not wanna share his drink with us at the mall (or rather why he stops drinking it) because it's an indirect kiss? Or is it like ...weird to him to share? Because if I remember right he eats off our spoon in the birthday scene right? 

Yeah, he’s awkward about it because he likes the MC and it feels very personal to share a straw with his crush.

Hi! If you don't mind me asking, who is the artist for OL2? Their style is so pretty! 

Thank you for saying so! This is her Twitter- https://twitter.com/redridingheart

Do Beginnings & Always and Now & Forever exist in the same universe? 

Yep! XOXO Droplets also exists in the same universe. It’s one big GB Patch world, haha.

Do Pran's parents regret the way they raised him? Do they feel ashamed of it?

No. They’re the type of people best cut out because they’re not gonna change. Which is why Pran does go very limited contact when he’s an adult.

Hi! I just wrapped up my second playthrough of Our Life, and I absolutely adore it, but I had a question. I went to the gallery and found I was missing 2 CGS (specifically Step 1-3 and 2-3) and I had no clue where they would've shown up. Which moments are those found in? 

You get it by telling Cove about his dad offering you money to be his friend in Step 1 and Step 2. You can’t get both in one playthrough, since you can only tell Cove the truth once. I’m really glad you liked it!

Hi hi! Please, how tall is Baxter and Derek? Love the game so much and I can't wait to see more! 

I don’t know, aha. I think Baxter was around 5′10 and Derek was like 5′8/5′9, maybe. I really am not one who has specific heights for things in mind.

is adult cove a bottom, top, or switch? 

A switch, though would choose the top if he had to pick.

I was wondering if there is a way to transfer save data? Even if through the game files. I wanted to be able to transfer my save data from my desktop over to my laptop so that I could continue playing right where I left off from but I'm not entirely sure how to go about that. 

If you save the save folder/persistent data of the game from your desktop and put it into the game folder on your other device, that could work.

Hi! Is it possible for us to know the date when our life: now and forever comes out on steam? Sorry if you've mentioned it before but I haven't seen it and I'm looking foward to that happening and just wanted to know :) 

It’s gonna be a long time, I’m afraid. There’s no estimate right now.

I started playing Our Life with my sister a while ago, and I think you guys should know that we discovered your secret. >:)

L from death note and Cove are clearly the same person, and this whole game is just an origin story!!

I’ve never seen that show so I’m sorry to say I don’t understand the connection/reference you’re trying to make. I’m pretty out of the loop when it comes to media. I don’t watch movies or TV.

Will OL2 have options for disabled MCs?

I understand if it's too complicated, just curious

Unfortunately, it’s not really something we have a plan for. We couldn’t finish the game if we tried to include every disability and have it be meaningful. It’d just be too much content to create. But if we decide to only include a few, how would we choose which disabilities get to be represented and which are left out? I don’t know. It’ll probably have to be something we don’t include as an option again, sadly. I’m sorry.

playing our life > anything else 

Haha, I’m glad you’re enjoying it.

Honestly, I would like to thank Our Life for helping me come to terms with my sexuality. Before, I never would've actually thought that it was possible to like boys romantically and still be asexual. Almost all of the BL visual novels I've read had unskippable sexual content in them and it honestly just didn't click with what I feel. I'm glad I found Our Life. I love the game, the developers, and this fandom so much. Now, I can safely come out as homoromantic AND asexual (at least anonymously here anyway; my parents are still huge homophobes 😂). 

Aw, it’s great to hear you felt comfortable being yourself in the game! That’s wonderful. I’m really sorry about your parents, though.

Will the demo for OL2 be on android? Really not sure if I could wait any longer than I have to aha 

Yeah, it’ll be available for Android once we eventually release a demo!

Do all these reveals perhaps mean development is progressing ahead of schedule? Please let that be the case I'm already obsessed with Qiu 

No, sorry, aha. Art comes along much faster than script/programming-work for us. It’s gonna be a long time before the game is a finished thing you can actually play. But at least we can look at the beautiful images.

Hey! First of all I wanna say I reallllllyyyyy loooovvveeee Our Life and XOXO Droplets! I have over 300 hours of playtime on Our Life… Anyways, I was just wondering, are the Derek and Baxter DLCs going to come out at the same time? If not, which one do you plan to release first? :3 

They will come out separately and Derek will be first! Glad you like the game.

I keep replaying Our Life to get every possible iteration and I am loving it <3 I was wondering if Cove gets locked out of his confession because MC was talking to Lee, would it be possible to confess to him in step 4? 

Yeah, you can avoid the confession in Step 3 and then get it in Step 4.

Hi, my Cove wears bracelets through step 2 and 3 but I still don't get an option to give him a bracelet? I didn't even know that was possible until I seen someone else ask about it lol 

Hm, did you use the Cove creator? Maybe there’s a bug where using the creator to add bracelets doesn’t fulfill the requirement to give Cove a bracelet in Step 3.

Wait, I'm dense, when does Baxter appear in step 2? Is it from big park firework? I feel so bad since i really love Baxter and waiting to buy his dlc. 

It’s in the Soiree Moment. You have to be just friends with Cove, indifferent, or crushing but not ask Cove to the dance at all. Then while there you can find someone new to dance with. But if you bring Cove to the dance while crushing, the MC won’t wanna dance with anyone else so you can’t get the scene.

In step 2 when we go to the soiree I made my mc go alone and baxter chooses the mc to dance, i'm curious, why did he pick the mc? sorry if this has been asked before! 

Because the MC looked to be around his age, seemed to also be searching for a partner, and had nice legs. A perfect option for him.

I read some of the FAQs, and I saw that we could tell Baxter about the condo that he rented there was previously the mean old grandparents. how do we get the mc to tell him that? 

It happens in the DLC Moment “Late Shift”. If you don’t have a job you instead get a longer scene with Baxter.

I don’t know if you’ve addressed this or not, but are you planning on paying voice actors for our life: now and forever? 

Yeah, we pay our VAs in all our projects.

hey can i ask how you did the moments thing in ol? im trying to get into making visual novels and while im VERY sure its out of my comfort zone and all that atm i kinda wanna know just for the future, bc im p sure it would work well for something i wanna do :O but its also fine if you cant say for other reasons :> 

I’m afraid I’m not sure what you mean. Are you asking how we programmed the screen or something script related? Adding Moments like that is pretty straightforward, though. You just have buttons that open to different labels and then the scripts are essentially individual short stories/vignettes. Good luck with your VN!

Since Autumn becomes gender fluid later in the game, will there be a character who remains as he/him to romance in game? 

OL1 has the he/him LIs, OL2 is all about other genders.

I don't want to impose on your creative plans, but a parrot could possibly make a good pet in an OL-type game? They're pretty long-lived and likely to still be thriving by the end even if the MC got them back in step 1. 

I do appreciate the suggestion, but I’m afraid it’s not likely going to happen. I understand there are technically some animals that could theoretically live long enough to last the whole game that or we could have the MC only get a pet after some years have already passed. But the many things that would have to be considered/accommodated for makes it just something we probably can’t manage adding. I’m sorry.

As time passes will we be able to see Qiu and Tamarack's other stage arts as well?

They are both so cute i can't wait to be friends with them!

Yeah, we’ll show content from other Steps in the future. It’ll be a little while from now, though.

Can you date Cove and still have your family comfort you in the car?

You can’t get Cove’s Step 3 confession scene if you have the family comfort you in the car. But that’s not the only way to date him. You can get together with him earlier in the game or later on in Step 4.

Is Mc always going to be the one walking down the aisle or could Cove do it? Also could you choose to have one of your moms walk you? 

No. Cove wouldn’t want to walk down the aisle like that and the MC automatically respects that. And the MC also gets to have their preferences respected, so it’s up to you whether they want to do an aisle walk or not. You also can pick who, if anyone, walks with you.

Once step 4 is out, will you be able to go the whole game on crush/love without either of you confessing? 

Yes, as long as you tell the game you don’t want to progress the relationship. Even in Step 4 it won’t force you to officially get together.

Howdy, so in Step 4, there will be any Romance with Derek that is not part of any dlc? 

He’s only a friend unless you get his romance story.

Will the step 4 in OL2 be one big step or are you considering moments? 

Step 4 is just an epilogue in both games.

hi kind of a weird question but!! we know tht cliff doesn't start dating again but. wht abt flings? like does he ever do 1 night stands or anything? thank u!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Nope. Cliff has a very small interest in sex. If he’s not in a real relationship with a partner he’s crazy about it simply isn’t something he feels a need for, so one night stands wouldn’t even cross his mind.

sorry if you've already answered this, but i was wondering if there were plans for there to be bonus love interests in OL2 like how we have derek and baxter in OL1.

Maybe! There are side characters who could be given romance stories, but whether or not it will happen depends on funding and how long everything else takes to finish.

I don't know if i'm allowed to ask about ol2 here yet, if not u can ignore this or answer it later. My question is can you date one of them and be good friends with the other? I don't want to be strangers with the other bcs i love them both a lot :<

Yes you can!

what patreon level do i have to be to unlock the nsfw moment? im on the $5 one right now, will that give me access to the moment, or just access to the moment progress? 

That’ll give you access! Tier 2 and anything higher allows the player to download it.

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