#cut my hair actually like 10 minutes ago and i feel so much better ! like 6 inches off !!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strangerthingsn · 8 months

Text

My evil dad

Summary: You’re Eddies pregnant girlfriend during season 4 of stranger things. Eddie is not gonna die at the end tho! a/n: I just came up with this idea a week ago so now I started writing it! (If you find any type faults or anything else please mention!) warning:kissing, make out,crying, angst, I think 18+, she/her reader, dad!eddie, if I missed something please let me know!

Chapter two ~ Vecna’s curse

You woke up from a loud crying sound that came out of Alice her little mouth. You open you eyes and look around in the room. Maybe Eddie already arrived? He didn’t. The room was empty except for you and the little new born Alice. You look at the clock saying 10:37.

“You hungry.?” You already started taking off your shirt. You hold Alice in your arms to let her drink. You rub your eyes and study your room. You see a little plate with some breakfast standing for you.You grab it with the other hand holding Alice.

“Hmmm strawberries, I love them” you have actually no idea who you talking to right now but you feel like talking to Alice knowing damn well she doesn’t understand you.

“your dad buys them always for me” you smile as you lay the plate on the bed besides you. You look down at her with a smile.

“you’re gorgeous Alice.” You smile and kiss her cheek.

It takes not long before she’s done drinking. You put your shirt back on. Alice stays awake for a little before falling back to her little sleep. You start eating your breakfast than you hear a knock on the door.

“come in.” Maybe it’s Eddie!…or a doctor, could be anyone.

Then Wayne walks in. He tries to smile but you see tere is something wrong. But you smile. Cause you’re happy to see him.

“hey kid” he says with a soft voice.

“hey…” you are waiting for bad news.

“lemme see the lil girl” he sits down on the edge of your bed. You give Alice to him carefully.

“just Eddie.” He smiles and wiped a little tear off his cheek.

You sit up,”yes she is just Eddie…speaking of Ed-“ Wayne cuts you off a little.

“I don’t know we’re he is….if I knew I would force him to meet his kiddo. There happed something last night..”

“What happened.?” You asks carefully still looking at the little girl in Ways his arms.

“that girl… ugh what’s her name..a-a cheerleader f…found dead… in the trailer..” You look up at him in a shocked way.

“you not thinking-….”

“no no no. Eddie would never kill anyone like that… her eyes were popped back or somtin.. all her bones were broken. Eddie didn’t do that…”He looks still at the little kid in his arms.

“you’re right but the police will probably think he did that…”

“that’s why the ran away. Eddie is just like that… I hope we can find him and let him meet his kiddo.”Wayne says looking up at you.

You wanna cry. You wanna scream. You wanna do everything but you try to hold back. You decide just to nod.

“m sorry kid..” he pulls you closer into a hug.

You hug him back. In meanwhile Alice had woken up.

“mornin” Wayne takes a better look at her, “she even got Eddies eyes”.

“yes she does, I bet Eddie doesn’t like the fact she looks like him so much. He said I hope she looks like you” you smile a bit.

Wayne smiles and gives Alice back at you. You take her carefully and kisses her forehead.

“well I have to work… m sorry” Wayne looks at you.

“that’s okay!” You smile cause you know they absolutely need the money.

He gets up and waves, “bye lady’s” he smiles and walks out.

“Bye!”You lay back down, and lay Alice next to you on the mattress. She moves closer to you.

“Awh you love mommy so much?” You wrap an arm around her, “mommy loves u too sweetheart”

You gives some kisses on her face. Then you actually start falling asleep at the same time as Alice does.

——-

You wake up after 20 minutes last night got you really tired. You look at the sleeping beauty next to you.

You smile at her, then your play with her hair. It really short, but long enough to play with it a bit. But suddenly the door opens.

“Where is the mini Munson?!” Gareth walks in with Jeff and they slam the door open.

“oh no there we have some trouble makers..” you giggle at them and you rub your eyes:

“freaks right?” Gareth laughs.

“We’re is she?” Jeff asks.

“right hire but she’s sleeping right now.” You look down at her again. They walk to her side of the bed to look at her.

“she’s so Eddie.” Jeff says.

“I feel like I’m an uncle now.”Gareth says random.

“ Sure Gareth you’re the uncle since me and Eddie have no siblings” you giggle again. Gareth was definitely one of your best friends.

“we’re is Eddie actually?” Jeff asks while looking around.

“I wanted to ask you guys the same.” You look up at them again.

“What did Eddie just disappear? Maybe he’s getting the milk” Gareth trys not to laugh.

“Do you fuckers even know the news? I think it’s literally all over the news by now” you look serious at them.

“what is it.?” Jeff asks.

“They think Eddie killed Chrissy Cunningham… she’s found dead in his trailer..” you bite your lip.

“fucking hell no. That’s not possible.” Gareth looks at you, “you’re joking aren’t you?”

“no no no I swear to god… but she was there for a drugs deal. The police probably thinks Eddie killed her…” you look down.

Gareth hugs you, “don’t worry about it Kay? I know Eddie he always runs from his problems so it isn’t much I promise.” You smile and hug him back. Jeff sits on the chair, but there is only one chair.

“Seriously Jeff?” Gareth puts his middle finger up to Jeff. “Come you can lay next to me” you move for him and hold Alice on your chest.Gareth smiles and lays down with his legs still off the bed.

“We had band practice” Jeff explains.

“without Eddie?”

“well yeah that happens pretty much he is mostly with you or making a campaign or doing a drugs deal” Gareth shrugs his shoulders.

“he has definitely adhd” you giggle a little.

“oh yes absolutely.” Gareth laughs.

“But when was the last time you saw him?” You look at them both.

“after hellfire. We won because of Erica. Then we all walked out and Eddie told us he had to wait for a drugs deal. So when we all leaved he was still on the parking lot in his van.”

”They always say Hawkins is cursed but now I’m gonna start thinking that’s true…” You mumble.

“I hope Eddie is not in big problems..” Jeff says. You hear a little jawn from the little girl on your chest.

“Well she woke up, who wanna hold her?” You pick her up.

“me!” They say both at the same time.

“Hire, if you’re done give her to Jeff” you give her carefully to Gareth.

“she’s pretty.”Gareth smiles while holding her.

“what’s her name.?” Jeff looks at Gareth holding her.

“well you remember with the champagne Eddie said Alice from Alice cooper? Well because Eddie is not hire I think he likes that name so I named her after that.”

“He’s gonna love the fact you actually named her that.” Jeff smiles.

“I- I just want him to meet her…”You look at Alice.

“He’s gonna meet her I promise.” Gareth looks at you.

You look back at him and whisper, “okay..”

———

You get in your moms car holding Alice in your jacket.

“let me see the pretty girl.” You mom says looking at your jacket.

You smile and sit down. It’s 3PM Gareth and Jeff leaved a while ago. Alice is healthy and so are you so the doctors told you you’re allowed to go. So you called ur mom.

“you ready?” You grab the zipper.

“don’t tease me y/n!!” Your mom giggles.

You laugh and out the zipped down, “there she is”

The little girl is looking at your mom with her big cute eyes. “Awh no this is too cute. She’s so tiny!” She takes her out of your jacket.

“mommm you’re stealing my baby.” You smile proud.

“I’m her grandma remember?” She holds her in her arms.

“yeah duhhh” you look at them both.

“what’s your name young lady?”you watch Alice grab your mom her thump.

“Alice. Its Alice Munson”

“that’s a really pretty name Alice! And you’re a really strong girl.” Your mom holds her hand.

“you need to work today?” You look up at your mom again.

“yeah sorry… I don’t think you even mind being alone with her” you mom looks back at you.

“it’s kind of my own house now” you giggle.

“you don’t mind right?”

“no I don’t mom believe me” you really don’t mind about being home alone.

“hire” your mom gives Alice back. You hold her and lay her on your lap. You mom starts driving home and you just look outside. You thinking we’re Eddie could hide himself. The places he is really much is his trailer, the hellfire room, the garage for band practice or your home. But you already know he’s not hiding there. You know Eddie very well he never has secrets for you. You know that.

You drive your way over the road. Drive past lovers lake. Than suddenly you realize someting as you look at one of the houses.

Reefer Rick!

The guy Eddie got his drugs from. He’s out of town on a vacation or something. But that’s his house. Had he has a massive garage. Its in the middle of the woods and it’s obviously a good hiding place. You’re pretty tired from giving birth yesterday. But you really want Eddie to meet Alice. So if you’re home alone you gonna walk there to look if he’s there.

There are more places he possibly can be. Like maybe skull rock, that’s on the route anyways so you can also look there. Your mom parks the car infrond of your house. You kiss her cheek and get up.

“thanks mom. Have fun at work!” You get out of the car and holding Alice in one hand. You walk to the door and open it with the keys with your other hand. Your mom drives off as you open the door.

“Welcome home….well actually one of your homes your daddy has a home too.” You kiss Alice her cheek. You step inside and push the door close with your hip.

“Im gonna feed you after that you can do a sleepy and than I’ll get you new clothes. Oh and than we gonna look for daddy” You walk to your room. You lay Alice in her little black crib. “don’t fall asleep yet.” You kiss her nose and walk to your closet. You look through the little baby clothes you bought with Eddie last month. You get her a little bat onesie.

“Well I guess that will keep you warm outside. Ill get you some socks also.” You grab her socks and you lay it on your bed. You pick also a outfit for yourself. Just basic grey wide jeans and a oversized shirt. You walks over to your bed and you lay that also down.

Then you walk to pick Alice up, you pick her up and lay down on your bed. You take your shirt off and let her drink. As she starts drinking you look at the photos of you and Eddie all over your wall. You have also a couple of them on your night stand, you grab one from there and shows it to Alice. “that’s how ur daddy looks, pretty huh? Pretty like you.”

You put the photo back and start playing with her hair. “Your hair is so soft” you giggle, “I’m jalous.”

After a while Alice is full. You take her clothes off and change her diaper. Then you put her onesie on. “I’ll just put your socks on if we go outside”

You grab her pacifier and puts it in her mouth,”let’s see if you gonna use this…” she immediately sucks on it so, it works.

You lay her in her crib and put the blanket over her. then you give her the dragon plushie Eddie got for her a week ago.

“mommy is gonna take a quick shower. I really need it.” You giggle and kiss her head.

——-

You get out of the shower and you wrap a towel around you. You walk to your room again silently. You put some panties on but no bra. That’s easier to feed Alice if she’s hungry. You look in the crib seeing her asleep. You smile, she’s so cute. With her little lips you wanna kiss. After you grab your clothes from the bed you put them on.

You go downstairs leaving the door open so you could hear if she woke up. It actually feels like you have a kid in forever. You already got a bit used to it and thats good.

You feel like eating. But it needs to be a little healthy. So you decided to make yourself some crackers with avocado and some other stuff. You also put some water in a glass and you sit down with it by the table.

You enjoyed your meal, after 10 minutes you finish everything so you got upstairs again. It pretty strange you still have your belly but it’s just kind of empty. You giggle at that thought.

You walk over to your mirror and your table with some skincare stuff, jewelry and make up.

Make up or not? That question is in your head for maybe 30 minutes now. You look pretty tired of yesterday. So you decided put some concealer, mascara and eyeliner on. You dry your hair and put it in a bun.

“I think it’s okay.” You whisper to yourself.

You lay on your bed. Thinking about some stuff. You miss Eddie so much. The moments you had with eacother were so sweet and lovely. You’re scared it’s never gonna happen again. What if the police are gonna kill them or something. And shit. What if Jason want him to pay for ‘killing Chrissy”? Are they gonna kill him?. But it’s not true. Eddie did nothing. He could never.

After minutes of over thinking you hear some baby noices.

“oh..hey” you whisper and you get up. You grab a black jacket and you put it on. You pick Alice up and lay her down on the bed. Alice has woken up so time to look for Eds.

“let’s put your socks on” you smile at her and put her little thick socks one.

After that you hold her against your chest then you put the zipper up. You leave it open enough for her to breathe ofcourse.

You put you converse on and walk off the stairs. You grab just a random chocolate bar and put it in your pocket, with your keys. “let’s find daddy!” You smile and walk out closing the door behind you.

——-

After 20 minutes of walking you arrive by skull rock. You’re so tired already. You put the hood on from your jacket. You walk around there,

“Eddie.?”

“Are you hire?”

“babe?”

“sweetheart?”

“Eddieeeee?”

“Munson?”

No awnser. You starting to get worried. Only one place left…

“well I guess your dad is not hire..” You start walking to Rick his house. You look behind you just for one last time. You sigh. You miss Eddie so much.

Every step you take gets heavier. Your legs get weak. You look around you. You can already see his house. Its not that far but it feels like years.

The sun is shining, but it’s pretty cold. You hold Alice a little tighter against you. Just to keep her warm. The leafs making souds under your shoes. Then you arrive at the house you stand infrond of the frond door. You swallow.

You decide to knock on the door. But no one awnsers. You try it again. Still no one. The lights inside are off also. Looks empty. You look around again.

When you looks around you notice the big garage thing again. It rather looks like a second house it was so big. Still with your hood on you decided to walk over to there silently.

You notice it’s not locket so you open the door. It’s making a loud noise. Your heart was in your throat. You take a step inside and you close the door behind you.

But then…

Someone pushes you really hard against the wooden wall. Your head and back bang against it with a loud noice. You look up because you feel a sharp object against your throat. It felt like a knife. That moment you tought you were gonna die. You can’t see who’s holding you but that person is really fucking strong. But then you realize you have Alice in your jacket.

“s-stop….i… I have a baby with me..”You whisper out of breath silently. Your back and head hurt as hell. You feel a bit blood dripping down your neck.

Then suddenly you hear a similar voice but stil too stressed to notice it, “a .…b-..baby…?”

“Yeah….she’s a day old please let me go..” He let you go and you let yourself kinda fall back on the ground. Your breath is fast. Really fast. And your heart is going wild. You put the zipper down to look if she’s okay. And she is. Then you wipe the blood off.

“Jesus, I’m sorry. I didn’t notice it was you…” He sits down next to you. You look at him and now you notice it’s Eddie. But you’re not even happy to see him.

“Yeah I bet you are.” You talk in a mean tone and look down at Alice again.

“god. Is that ours.?” He looks at her.

“Well yeah shes supposed to but her dad wasn’t even with me by her birth.” You feel anger.

“Fucking hell. I hate this. Why it has to happen to me. You probably think I killed her her don’t you?” He looks sad. You see the pain in his eyes as you look up at him. Your heart breaks.

“Can you explain.?” Your tone soften.

“only if I can hold her...”he points at Alice

“oh- yeah…umhh.. sure.” You get her out of your jacket and give her carefully to him. He takes her so carefully.

“for god sake she’s so perfect.”He looks at her.

“yeah and the most important is she’s healthy, has 10 toes and 10 fingers.” You smile a little. You wait for him to explain but you give them some dad and kid time.

“that’s also good”He whispers. You tab your fingers on the floor.

“Uh..-..Well w-where to start…” he thinks for a second. And you see the tears appearing in his eyes already.

“I took Chrissy to my home because she needed something stronger so I was looking for it. I couldn’t find it in the kitchen so I went to my room….” You listen good to him but you can see he don’t like to talk about it. You wrap your arm around his shoulder to give him a little comfort.

“It’s okay..take your time” you kiss his cheek.

He nods, “I left her a-alone….just for a minute maybe….but when I c-ame back……”he swallows and starts crying.

“..s-she was in something like a….a t-trans… her eyes w-where…rolled back…” he grabs your hand.

“A-and…I tried to wake..h-her., but…she started….god damn it. I know it sounds stupid…”

“no no it don’t. tell me baby…” you rub your thumb over his hand.

“okay..we’ll..she started f-floating….like … I don’t know…then she like…g-got pulled at the celling ..fuck I know you not believing me” he’s so traumatized.

“I do baby. I do believe you.” He looks at you like you’re crazy.

“Umhh…then…h-her:.b-bones stared s-snapping…and her eyes….p-popped out…then she dropped on the floor…” he hides his face in your chest, “and i fucking ran…”

“Eddie I think every single person would ran.” The story is weird. But still you trying to comfort him.

“I gonna start thinking I’m cursed or something…”

“well than I’ll be cursed with you. I’ll never leave you.”

He sighs, “but now I can’t be home with you and her-….what’s her name actually…?”

“oh it’s Alice.” You kiss his head.

“you d-did name her that?” He looks up at you. You wipe some of his tears away.

“you did actually” you smile. Eddie looks down at Alice.

“she looks like me…”

“that’s what everyone is saying” you giggle.

“who has seen her already.?” Alice grabs Eddie his fingers.

“umh.. Wayne, Gareth, Jeff, my mom and the doctors ofcourse.”

“shit I’m really late. M sorry I wasn’t there for you two...”

“don’t worry about it I’m already happy I found you.” You play with his hair. Well atleast now he let you. He’s not frustrated just sad, worried and traumatized.

Eddie rubs her head, “well she also kinda looks like her mom.”

“just her nose and face a little.” You smile at him.

“She’s really pretty. Like you.”hes still looking at her.

“And also you.” He smiles and is busy with Alice again. It was silent for a maybe 10 minutes. But in a comfortable way.

Them suddenly Eddie asks random, “You have food?”

“I breastfeed her.?”

“No I mean for me” he looks like he already know you’re gonna say no.

“oh” you giggle, “I have a chocolate bar.?”

“Can I PLEASE have it Im starving.” you grab it out of you pocket ad give it to him,”there you go. All urs.”

“fuck, thank you.” He grabs it and opens it fast. Then he starts eating and well.. you can see he’s starving..

“You want a piece too?” He look at you.

“no it’s urs. I’m not hungry.” You are still playing with his hair. In meanwhile Alice falls asleep.

“she’s asleep.. what now.?”

“just let her sleep silly” you giggle a bit.

“shes pretty bald” Eddie looks at her. God that man is so random. You love him for that.

“Yeah but you can see her dark curls already.”

Eddie puts his hand on your leg, “when you going home.?”

“You want me gone already?” You laugh.

“No no no you know what I mean” he shakes his head.

“in maybe a hour? I need to cook dinner sooo” Eddie looks sad.

“I wish I could stay forever but I have a baby to take care of now…m sorry sweetheart..” you give him a pec.

“I wish I could help you with that…” He looks down at Alice.

“me too, but it’s just the situation now…I don’t think you can go to mine that’s too dangerous…”

Eddie nods, “can we atleast make out?”

“are you in the mood then..?” You look at him.

“god. I fucking missed you. Yes I am.”

“really.?”you look surprised.

“come…”

“Yes ofcourse” you smile. You pick Alice up from his lap and you take off your jacket to put it on the ground. You place sleeping Alice in the jacket and you wrap it around her.

“Come hire” Eddie sits up against the wall and he tabs his finger on his lap.

“I’m still heavy, still have my belly.”

“I don’t care.” He grabs your hand and he pulls you on his lap. You giggle and sit on his lap. Immediately Eddies lips crash against yours. In a soft loving way. He puts his hand in your shirt and moves his hands up to your tits. He cups them a squeezes a bit.

“They are bigger” He talks with his lips against yours.

“no shit. Maybe cause there is milk in them.” Eddie shakes his head. You smile and continue kissing him again. Eddie licks your bottom lip and you open your mouth for him. He immediately take his change to kiss you with tongue. You kiss him back with your tongue in a perfect rhythm. He pulls your shirt a little up to see your boobs.

“so fucking perfect.” He looks at them and starts placing kisses there. You let out a little moan.

“baby…?” You look down at him.He gives one last pec on them and looks up at you.

“mhm?”

“what if I go eat dinner and after that ill come back with also some for you?” You play with his hair.

“Okay..but please don’t tell anyone I’m hire…Kay.?”He kisses your cheek and puts your shirt down. You get of his lap and sits next to him.

“I will not even tell hellfire or my mom. Promise.”

“Can Alice stay with me?”

“yeah sure but let me feed her first” you pick her put carefully and starts trying to wake her up a bit.

“okay, but what if she’s crying?” He grabs her hand carefully.

“than you give her pacifier or her plushie and you just hold her close. You got it i promise you”you smile as Alice slowly stared to wake up.

“Where are they?”

“she has her pacifier in her mouth and her plushie is in my pocket I guess..” you grab your jacket and feel in your pockets.

“hire it is” you grab it and give it to Eddie. Alice is already shearing for your nipple with her mouth around your shirt.

You giggle and take your shirt off, “there you go.” She starts drinking while looking at Eddie with her adorable puppy eyes.

“Awhh the so cute”

“can you understand how cute you are?”

“I can do puppy eyes so does she” he grins

“We’re good in making babies that’s one thing.” You giggle again.

“maybe we can make her a sibling…”

“Who knows… maybe in the future.” You smile and kisses his cheek. Alice pulls away and looks a little allround. You wipe her mouth off and give her to Eddie. Then you get up to put ur shirt back on.

“alright what do you all need?”

“blanket, food, drugs and beer.” He holds Alice in his arms.

“hell no. No drinking or smoking. Just the blanket and the food is enough mr Munson.” You look down at him.

“Why you being so mean sweetheart” he acts like he’s offended and puts his hand on your leg.

You shake your head,”fine just one joint.” He blows you a kiss while you walk to the door.

“be careful baby.” He looks a little worried.

“As long you protect yourself and Alice Im okay.” You smile and open the door carefully. As you see no one around you run out closing the door behind you. As you can’t see the house anymore you walk. All the little smiles or laughs Eddie did were all fake. You noticed that. It makes you worried.

——-

You close the door behind you. Eddie lays on the ground with sleeping Alice in his arms. You walk closer and you see Eddie is sleeping too. You put the bag down and you sit next to him. You already ate some spaghetti at home. You move his head carefully on your lap. You see he had wrapped his leather jacket around Alice. After a couple minutes Eddies eyes open.

“Hey” he whispers.

“hey sleepyhead” you smile, “I’ve got your food” Eddie smiles and sits up holding Alice. You get the bowl spaghetti out of the bag.

“let’s trade” You give him the bowl and Eddie gives Alice.

“oeh Its still warm” he smiles and starts eating.

“mhmm.” You take the blanket out and you put it over Eddie his legs.

“I even got a pillow.” You lay your head against his shoulder.

“you’re the best.” He kisses your cheek

“I know I am.” You laugh a little. Eddie shakes his head. You grab a beer out of your bag and put it next to Eddie.

“I thought maybe you can use one?” You smiles also Eddie smiles. He finally smiles.

“oh you just have to wait if I’m out of hire I’m gonna do so much back for you. I love you.” He gives you a pec. You smile and take some candy out for him.

“it’s my job ya know. You’re not only the dad of my kid but also my everything.” He smiles still and looks at Alice.

“And I love you more by the way.” You chuckle.

“I’m not gonna start this fight miss y/l/n.”He takes your hand. You smile and kiss his knuckles.

“I have to go in a little hour. I’ll come vist you tomorrow again kay?”

“Yeah sure.” He continues eating.

You get up and walk a little around, looking at the place and some stuff. Alice wakes up from the sunset in her face. She makes some noice, it sounds like whines. She’s probably irritated you woke her up.

“o well sorry missy.” You look down at her with a little giggle. You turn her around so her face is against your chest.

“better?” You kiss her head. Eddie looks at you being the best mom while eating. She grabs your shirt and moves her hand.

“you gonna play with my shirt now?” You smile.

“you mean my shirt princess.” Eddie corrects you.

“sorry” you chuckle.

“I like you wearing my clothes it’s cute” he eats again. Alice looks up at you. She makes some irritated moans. It makes you giggle.

“damn what do you want cutie?” You kiss her nose.

“maybe she wants me” He looks confident.

“Selfish from you” you giggle and Eddie does too. You shake your head and give Alice to Eddie. She grabs his hair and pulls it pretty hard.

“ouch!!!” He grabs her hand and tries to make her let his hair go. It made you laugh. As she finally let go you take the rubberband out of your hair and give it to him.

“yeah thanks. She’s a pretty feisty lady.

“I see” you giggle still a little.

You start walking around again and you look what’s on table. Just some cigarettes and other shit. There also was a boat and definitely a lot of things everywhere. You look out of the window, the sunset was gorgeous above lovers lake.

You stare at the sunset for a couple minutes but you turn around cause you hear some baby giggles. You see Eddie tickeling Alice her little feet. Alice is not the only one laughing cause Eddie is too. You giggle a bit and walk over to them. It’s actually the first time you hear Alice laughing. Its a adorable sweet little laugh.

Eddie looks up at you, “you never heard her laughing, did you?” You shake your head no. Eddie smiles and looks down at her again then kisses her face. They are so lovely.

to be continued….

——-

I’m not sure if I did the tag list correct, Im not a pro with tumblr (yet??) but hire it is ig!

@kellyxo1 @wish-upon-a-star-1310 @notsobubblybaby @amira0303 (love you guys)

#eddie munson #eddie munson x you #eddie stranger things #eddie x reader #eddie x fem!reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x reader #dad!eddie munson #dad!eddie x mom!reader

131 notes · View notes

fatecantstopme · 1 year

Text

I Can't Lose You

PART ONE

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader

Summary: The BAU team is hunting a sadistic murderer and you go undercover to reveal his identity and catch him in the act. Things don’t go according to plan and so much is revealed about you, your team, and your boss…things that will change all of your lives forever.

Warnings: Mentions of murder and prostitution. Cursing. Kidnapping. Use of pet names.

A/N: The reader in this story is named Isabelle Heywood. I needed to name her for ease of writing purposes. You'll see what I mean and I'm sorry if this bothers anyone. This will be a series because the story completely got away from me...but I'm obsessed with it. Please read the warnings for each part individually!

Part Two

You woke to the sound of incessant wringing. You rolled over and stared at the glowing numbers on your alarm clock; it was only 3am. You sighed in annoyance and picked up your still ringing phone. You squinted at the bright screen and saw the name “Aaron Hotchner” across the screen. You knew why he calling you, but you wished it was for a different reason.

You sighed again as you answered the phone, “Hey boss. You do know what time it is, don’t you?”

The voice on the other end of the phone made your heart flutter. “I know it’s really early, but we’ve got a case. It’s urgent.”

“Define urgent.”

“We don’t have time to brief at the BAU. The case came directly to me from Strauss. Wheels up in 30 minutes.”

You swore under your breath. “On my way, sir.”

You hung up the phone and dragged yourself out of bed. You had about 15 minutes to get yourself together before you had to leave. You headed into the bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror. You looked completely exhausted. You regretted letting Morgan and Garcia goad you into going out last night.

“So much for having Sundays off,” you muttered to yourself. Your only consolation was that Morgan and Garcia would be equally tired.

You pulled your hair into a bun and jumped in the shower. You were used to getting ready in a hurry and 10 minutes later, you were ready to go. You’d learned not to bother with a lot of makeup when you first joined the BAU 5 years ago. It was rare that you were given much time to get ready in the morning, so you cut out the nonessentials.

You took one last look in the mirror, running your fingers through your hair to smooth it down. “Good enough,” you sighed.

You grabbed your go-bag and headed down to your car in the apartment building’s underground garage. The drive to Quantico was quick and 10 minutes later, you were pulling into your usual parking spot.

You got out of your car just as Morgan pulled up. He got out of the car and turned towards you. “You look like shit,” you said lightly.

“I feel like it too,” he grumbled. “Why’d you let me drink so much?”

You laughed. “No one ‘lets’ Derek Morgan do anything.”

He chuckled. “You have a point.”

The two of you walked into the building together and met up with the rest of the team waiting in the lobby. You smiled at everyone in acknowledgement.

“You two look awful,” Emily Prentiss said with a knowing smile.

“You’d look just as bad if you’d have come with us last night,” you said playfully.

“I had a hot date with Sergio,” Emily joked.

You rolled your eyes and turned to Reid. “What’s your excuse, Spence? Too cool to hang out with us?”

“I was at a live reading of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s ‘The Hound of the Baskervilles’. It was actually quite fascinating, they—”

You held up your hand to silence him. “I’m sorry I asked.”

The group laughed. David Rossi looked at you and Morgan and shook his head. “I’m too old for those late night shenanigans.”

“Nonsense,” Morgan started. “You’re only what? 85?”

Everyone laughed, including Rossi. “Just wait, Morgan…revenge is a dish best served cold.”

“He’s Italian,” you joked. “Better watch out.”

“Hey guys!” JJ said brightly as she walked up to the group.

Garcia trailed behind her looking much worse than you and Morgan. She had sunglasses on and she shushed everyone when they said ‘Good morning.’ “Too loud. Too bright,” she mumbled.

“Yikes. I think she had too much wine,” Morgan said.

You nodded your agreement and looked around. “Where’s Hotch?”

Rossi shrugged. “I think he’s still dealing with Strauss. You know how she can be.”

You scoffed. “Do I ever.”

Just then, Hotch came striding up to them from inside the building. Even with the dark circles under his eyes, he was still incredibly handsome. You felt your heart begin to race and your stomach filled with butterflies. You got that feeling every time you saw him, even after all these years.

You would never tell him how you felt…you couldn’t. Hotch was a strict, by-the-book kind of guy and he was your boss. You knew nothing would ever come of you telling him, so there was no point. Plus, you could even lose your job. No one else knew how you felt…even though you were dying to talk about it. You’d loved him for the last 3 years of your life. No one else could ever compare.

“Alright guys, we’re a go,” Hotch said as he joined the group. “Garcia, you can get started on the files I left in your office.”

Garcia nodded. “Yes, sir.” She headed into the building while the rest of you headed towards the tarmac.

Hotch was walking behind everyone else, so you slowed down to match his pace. “Hey,” you said softly. “Did you sleep here?”

He looked at you and sighed. “Yeah, I had a lot of paperwork to do.”

“Hotch. The paperwork can wait. What about Jack?”

“Jack’s with his aunt this weekend.”

“Still…please tell me you didn’t spend your entire day off in the office.”

“I didn’t,” he insisted. “I went out for lunch.” You glared at him and he sighed. “It really was important.”

“Nothing’s more important than family, Hotch. And that means you need to actually get away from this place occasionally.”

“I know.”

You shook your head and walked up the stairs and onto the jet. You chose the seat beside Morgan, Emily and Reid sat across from you. Hotch took a seat toward the back of the plane by Rossi and JJ.

Hotch waited until after takeoff to begin the briefing. Once the plane was comfortably in the air, he moved closer and perched on the arm of an empty seat.

“This case is highly sensitive,” he began, “and it’s likely that the locals don’t really want us there.”

“What happened?” Emily asked.

Hotch passed out files and continued talking. “Three months ago, a prostitute was brutally murdered, her body dumped in an alley.”

You opened your file and began looking at the pictures within it. “She was completely nude, stabbed multiple times, and thrown away like garbage,” you said.

“The unsub likely views her as garbage,” Morgan added.

“There’s been an identical murder every week since,” Hotch said.

“Every week?” you exclaimed.

“Why weren’t we called in sooner?” Rossi asked.

“Why wasn’t this in the news?” asked Reid.

“The locals have been keeping the murders under wraps,” Hotch answered. “They’ve had a suspect since the third killing, but they don’t have enough to arrest him.”

“Who’s their suspect?” JJ asked.

“Senator Mark Jacobs,” Hotch responded.

“The Senator Jacobs?” you asked.

“None other,” Hotch said.

“I’m assuming that’s why we’ve been called in,” Rossi commented.

“Yes…we’re expected to rule out the Senator’s involvement unless there’s irrefutable proof he is responsible.”

“That’s not how this works,” Morgan said angrily.

“I agree,” Hotch’s frown deepened. “Which is why we’re going to work this like any other case. We’re the fresh eyes, so let’s see what we can find.”

Everyone settled in and started reading through the files. Hotch went back to his seat in the back of the plane. He was facing your direction and you could feel his gaze on you. You pretended to be focused on reading, but it was impossible to concentrate under the circumstances.

After a few seemingly unbearable moments, you felt his gaze leave you and you instantly relaxed. You glanced up at him and found that he was writing intently, his focus entirely on the paper in front of him.

You got up and went to sit across from him. He looked up at you and covered his notes in a not-so-subtle manner. You raised your eyebrows, but didn’t say anything.

You sat down and asked, “So if the locals don’t want us there, why are we going?”

“Politics,” Hotch answered simply. “As much as I hate it, we don’t have a choice in the matter anymore than the locals do. We’ll have to make it very clear that it’s their case and we’re only there to help…we want to catch this guy regardless of who he is.”

You smiled at the passion in his voice. “You don’t have to convince me, Hotch.”

He gave you a small smile. “Sorry, I get carried away sometimes.”

“You’re a passionate person, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

He blushed and looked down. You loved it when he did that. His usual stoic expression quickly returned and he looked up at you. “What do you think about this case, Heywood?”

“Honestly, sir, I’m trying not to form an opinion before I get all of the facts.” If he was going to be professional, then damnit so would you.

He nodded. “Smart. As always.”

You blushed at the compliment and looked down at the file in your lap. “I need to go through this,” you said before making your way back to your seat.

Morgan looked up at you and smiled. He patted the seat beside him and you plopped down in it. You opened the casefile and began to acquaint yourself with the facts of the case. You tried to push all thoughts of Hotch from your mind, but you found it exceedingly difficult.

You could feel his eyes on you periodically and it was just enough to keep you off your game. You thought it was strange behavior for him and you were unsure of why he kept looking at you. Normally, Hotch was completely focused on the case, but something was clearly on his mind.

You started to wonder if you’d done something wrong, but you figured he would have just told you. Maybe it had nothing to do with you at all and you were just making things up because you wanted it to mean something.

Then the worst thought occurred to you…what if he knows? Your mind started racing and you began to analyze every interaction you’d ever had with the man. You couldn’t think of any time that you had tipped your hand. The team was family and as such you cared deeply for each other. As far as you knew, you’d never done anything that a family member wouldn’t do.

You sighed inwardly and tried desperately to clear your mind. You needed to focus on the case. You finally managed to relax and absorb what you were reading.

An hour later, your thoughts were interrupted by Hotch’s voice announcing that the plane would be landing soon. “Now that you’ve all had a chance to go over the details of the case, I want to hear your thoughts.”

“This unsub is definitely angry at someone. There’s a lot of overkill,” you began.

“The victims are all high-risk, which makes them easy targets,” Reid added. “But other than their occupation, the victims don’t seem to share any other similarities.”

“There’s no DNA evidence, despite the fact that all of the women had sex shortly before they died,” Emily said. “The unsub is careful; cleans up after himself.”

“He views these women like garbage,” Morgan said, echoing his earlier statement. “He might think he’s cleaning up the streets.”

“Isn’t Senator Jacobs all about crime control?” Rossi asked.

Reid nodded. “His campaign was run on a tough-on-crime platform. He focused primarily on drug-related offenses, gangs, and prostitution.”

“I think that warrants looking into the Senator,” you said to Hotch.

He nodded his agreement. “Reid, JJ, and Morgan, I want you to go to the most recent crime scene. Rossi and Prentiss, I want you to canvass the streets. See if any of the other girls in the area have seen anything. Heywood and I will get set up at the station.”

You felt elated at the prospect of working with just Hotch. You looked up at him to find him gazing at you with such intensity that you were certain he could see straight into your soul. He seemed to realize you caught him staring and he frowned before looking away. You felt your heart sink a little, but you push down any feelings of sadness and put your focus back where it belonged.

When the plane landed, the team separated, heading to their respective destinations. On the drive to the station, Hotch was completely silent, which was normal for him, but something about this silent felt strained.

“What’s up with you?” you finally asked.

“What?” he looked at you in confusion. “I’m fine.”

“You’re acting strangely, so I wanna know where your head is at.” You could practically see the wheels in his head turning as he tried to make up an excuse. “Don’t bother trying to lie, I know you too well.”

He let out a long sigh. “Today is Haley’s birthday,” he said slowly.

Your eyes widened. “Oh Hotch. I’m so sorry, today must be tough.”

He shook his head. “That’s just it. It’s not tough. I don’t feel sad. I mean, I do miss her, but it’s not like it used to be. Today is just a day to remember her, not mourn her. I—I just don’t know how to feel about that.”

You looked at him with a reassuring smile. “It’s okay to not feel sad. It means you’ve finally healed. Haley will always be a part of you, but it doesn’t have to hurt.”

He looked at you with that intense expression again and you felt your pulse quicken. When the light turned green, the moment passed, and he looked away. You were both silent for the rest of the drive to the station. When he parked the car, he didn’t get out right away.

“Hotch?” you prompted gently.

“I need to tell you something,” he began. “It’s important.”

“Okay…”

He shook his head. “Not now. Tonight. When we get to the hotel.”

You stared at him and your mind raced. You had no idea what he wanted to tell you, but now you needed for it to be evening. You desperately wanted to know what he had to tell you. You did your best not to panic as you got out of the car and followed him into the station.

A detective met you inside. Introductions were made and you were shown to the conference room where you could set up. You and Hotch worked in silence as you set up the boards and got everything organized. Your nerves were starting to get to you, so you took a few deep breaths to try and relax.

“Are you alright?” Hotch asked, looking at you with concern.

“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” you lied.

He raised his eyebrows and looked at you skeptically. “You just took several deep breaths. That’s not exactly ‘normal’ behavior for you.”

“Profilers,” you mumbled under your breath. “You can’t just drop a bomb on me and expect me to function properly,” you said louder.

“Drop a bomb on you?”

“The whole ‘I have something important to tell you, but not now’ bit you pulled in the car.”

He looked down. “So I shouldn’t have said anything?”

You sighed. “That’s not what I’m saying. I want you to be able to tell me anything. I just can’t help but wonder what’s so important and why it has to wait.”

He looked at you almost affectionately, his expression catching you off guard. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when the lead detective walked into the room. You saw Hotch’s mask slide firmly back into place and it was clear that he was once again in work-mode.

The detective glanced between the two of you as if he could sense that something was up. After a glare from you, he cleared his throat and said, “My guys would like to brief you on the case as soon as possible.”

“Is there more that we need to know that wasn’t in the files?” Hotch asked.

“Not necessarily, but they’d like to ensure you’re up to speed and on the same page as them.”

“On the same page, referring to Senator Jacobs?” Hotch asked.

The detective caught the tone in Hotch’s voice. “I think it’s important that you understand all the facts.”

“And I think it’s important that we find the facts for ourselves. It won’t do any good to have fresh eyes if they’re all biased,” Hotch argued.

You could see that the detective was going to argue back, so you stepped in. “What he’s trying to say is that we need to remain the impartial third party. We want to catch this guy as much as you do, but we need to be certain of who the unsub is before we go after a sitting Senator.”

Hotch looked at you and you couldn’t quite tell if he was grateful or annoyed, or possibly both.

The detective, on the other hand, nodded in agreement. “I see your point. I’ll tell them to cool their heels until your team has a chance to come to your own conclusions.”

“Thank you, detective,” you and Hotch said at the same time.

Hotch shot you another look and you blushed and looked down, clearly deferring to his seniority. After all, he was your boss.

The detective left the room and an awkward silence settled on the room. It made you crazy because things were never awkward between you and Hotch. You’d been friends for too long for there to be any awkwardness.

The silence was broken by the ringing of your cell phone, which you gratefully answered, “Heywood.”

“Hey it’s Morgan. This crime scene is definitely just a dump site. There’s nowhere near enough blood for her to been killed here.”

“That’s not a surprise. Thanks, Morgan.”

“Anytime, hot stuff.”

You chuckled as you hung up. Your banter with Morgan rivaled Garcia’s, which was why the three of you were so close. Derek Morgan may have been one of the most attractive men you’d ever laid eyes on, but he wasn’t the one you wanted. He’d never hold a candle to Hotch.

Speaking of Hotch, you looked up at him, intending to update him on what Morgan found. His frown had deepened and his expression was cold. It surprised you, but you carried on. “That was Morgan, he said—”

“I heard what he said,” Hotch cut in icily.

Surprise lit up your face, mixed with hurt.

Hotch seemed to realize that he’d been unnecessarily harsh and his expression softened. “Let’s get to work on the profile, okay?”

You nodded and sat down on the edge of the table. The two of you bounced thoughts off of each other as you waited for the others to return.

**********After Profile Delivery

“You literally just described Senator Jacobs,” one of the officers called out.

“The Senator does fit the profile, yes, but he’s not the only one. A number of people in this room also fit it,” you said.

“Are you saying one of us did it?” another officer accused.

Hotch stepped forward. “That’s not what Agent Heywood is saying. She’s simply pointing out that members of the law enforcement community also fit the profile, which means you can’t single out one person.”

“Just because someone fits the profile, it doesn’t mean they did it,” Reid added.

“That being said,” Rossi began, “we do believe Senator Jacobs warrants further investigation.”

“We’ll be looking into him, as well as pursuing some other leads,” Emily said.

“What other leads?” someone asked.

“We’ll discuss those when we have more information,” Hotch answered. “Thank you.”

It was quite clear that the discussion was over, so the crowd of officers began to disperse. You looked around at the faces of your team. You could see the exhaustion on everyone’s faces and you, yourself, were starting to feel it too. All the coffee you’d been drinking all day had finally began to wear off.

Hotch apparently noticed the same thing and said, “Let’s call it a night. We’re all exhausted.”

Everyone agreed and began to pack up. Within 5 minutes, the whole team had piled into the Suburbans and were on the way to the hotel. Thankfully, the drive was short and you arrived within minutes.

You checked in at the front desk and headed up to your respective rooms as a group. Everyone said goodnight to each other and headed off to their rooms. You tried to catch Hotch’s eye to see if he still wanted to talk, but he didn’t even look at you. You sighed and headed into your room, shutting the door behind you.

You started to get ready for bed, washing your face, brushing your teeth, and letting your hair down. You changed into shorts and a t-shirt for comfort. You were about to crawl into bed, when there was a quiet knock at your door.

You crossed the room and opened the door to see Hotch standing there, still fully dressed. He’d taken off his suit coat and his tie, but that was it. You suddenly felt very exposed, but there wasn’t much you could do about it.

You let him in and quickly grabbed a hoodie from your bag. It made you feel a little better about your current attire, given the company.

Hotch was eyeing you with an appreciative expression, but it was mingled with something else you couldn’t quite place…nervousness, maybe? You’d never seen Hotch nervous, and that made you nervous.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Hotch began to speak. “I didn’t want anyone else to know I was coming over here.”

“Okay…”

“I—uh, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

You nodded, but remained quiet.

He took a deep breath and looked you in the eyes. “This is very hard for me,” he began. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this for quite some time, but I never knew what to say.” He paused and looked down. “From the moment I met you, I knew you were different. You have the kindest soul out of anyone I’ve ever known. You have this strange ability to make me laugh and you always know exactly what to say.”

He finally looked up at you. “When Haley died, you were there for me…more than anyone else. More importantly, you were there for Jack. He adores you.”

That made you smile, but you still didn’t say anything.

“What makes all of this so complicated is that you’re my subordinate. I shouldn’t look at you as anything more than a great coworker…but I can’t help it. You make me feel things I never thought I’d ever feel again. You’re the reason that I’ve been able to accept Haley’s death and even move on from it. My life is better with you in it.” He paused. “But I understand if this is too much for you, or if I’m overstepping, I apologize. I just can’t keep going on like this and pretending everything is normal. You need to know the truth.”

Your breath caught in your chest as you waited for him to continue.

He took a deep breath. “The truth is that I’m in love with you, Isabelle Heywood. I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

Your eyes widened and you stared at him in surprise. “You…you what?”

“I love you,” he repeated softly.

You exhaled sharply. “You love me?”

He nodded. “With all that I have.”

You continued to stare at him, still in a state of shock. You’d wanted this moment to happen for years, but now that it finally had, you had no idea what to do.

He shifted his weight and you realized you hadn’t actually responded to his declaration.

“I’m sorry,” you blurted out. “I’m just really surprised.”

He nodded and waited for you to continue. The hope on his face warmed your heart.

“When I first met you, I thought you were way too uptight. You never smiled, you rarely joked, and you spent more time at work than you did at home. Honestly, I didn’t like you that much.” You paused. “But then I started to get to know you. I pushed you to come out of your shell, I learned more about you, and I quickly discovered you are so much more than you seem. You’ve got a big heart, you’re passionate, you’re brave and heroic, but you’re also kind and gentle. You love your job, your team, and your family in a way that I deeply admire.”

You smiled at him and he smiled back. “What I’m trying to say is that I’ve loved you since the moment I realized what kind of man you are underneath the gruff exterior.”

His eyes widened and he grinned. The smile lit up his whole face. Suddenly, he pulled you into his arms and kissed you passionately, sucking the air from your lungs. Your heart pounded in your chest and you couldn’t breathe.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. The feeling of his hands on your body drove you wild and you desperately wanted more. Eventually, you had to come up for air, but it wasn’t long before his lips found yours again.

The kiss was even better than you had imagined, and lord had you imagined it. He gently pushed you up against the wall and trailed kisses down your neck. You were both breathing heavily and you could feel the desire radiating off of him. He kissed you again and your body responded with a hunger you didn’t know you had.

“Aaron,” you whispered as he kissed your neck.

He smiled against your skin as his lips caressed your jaw, your cheek, and your lips again. He pulled back and stared at you, his eyes heavily lidded and full of desire.

With his mouth away from your skin, you had a moment of clarity. You gently pushed him back and said, “We can’t do this here. Someone might hear.”

Realization morphed his features and he stepped back. “I’m so sorry—I didn’t mean—”

Your smile silenced him. “You have nothing to apologize for. We can pick this up later.”

He smiled too, causing your heart to flutter.

You stepped forward and gave him another kiss. “By the way,” you said softly. “I love it when you smile. There’s nothing hotter.”

He smiled again and returned your kiss. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

You chuckled softly and took a step back. “So…what exactly does this mean?”

He looked perplexed. “It means I want to be with you.”

“Even though it’s against the rules?” you asked softly.

He took a step toward you and grabbed your hand. “I’ve spent my entire life living by the rules; following all the policies. I can’t live like that anymore if it means living without you.”

“But Hotch…you could lose your job.”

“Call me Aaron, Isabelle,” he said gently. “And I hope it doesn’t come to that, but I’m willing to step down if it means I can be with you.”

You gasped. “I would never ask you to do that. This team needs you as its leader.”

He smiled. “You’re not asking, I’m just putting it out there.”

You looked down at his hand entwined with yours. You desperately wanted to be with him, but not at the expense of his job…or yours. “Maybe we should keep it a secret.”

“What?” he exclaimed.

“Just for a little while…until we decide what to do.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

You nodded. “Absolutely. It’s safer for both of us this way.”

“Alright,” he paused. “Does that include the team?”

Your expression was pained as you nodded. There was no one on this earth you wanted to tell more than them, but you didn’t want to put them in a compromising position.

“It’s safer for them…plausible deniability and all that.”

“You know they’d never tell anyone.”

“I know…but I don’t want to put them in that position. It’s not fair to them.”

“Okay.” He kissed your forehead affectionately. “We’ll keep it a secret.”

“Thank you,” you whispered.

“Anything for you,” he whispered back.

He wrapped you in a hug and you laid your head on his chest. The two of you stood like that for a while, just enjoying being near each other.

“You should probably be getting back to your room,” you said regretfully. “We’ve got a long day tomorrow and we’re all exhausted.”

He sighed. “You’re probably right…I just don’t want to go.”

You laughed softly. “If it’s any consolation, I don’t want you to go either.”

He smiled down at you and kissed the top of your head. “I think that actually makes it harder.”

You reluctantly separated and he headed for the door. You followed him to close the door behind him. He paused and turned around to give you one last kiss goodnight. “I love you, Isabelle.”

You smiled warmly. “I love you too, Aaron.”

He smiled one more time before slipping into the hallway, shutting the door quietly behind himself.

You locked up and slid into bed. Your mind was racing and you had no idea how you could possibly fall asleep even with the exhaustion. You couldn’t believe what just happened…you were so excited you could hardly stand it. You were dying to tell Morgan and Garcia, but you knew you couldn’t.

You sighed and closed your eyes. You could feel the tiredness creeping up on you and you began to drift off to sleep, your last thought was of Aaron and the way he smiled when you told him you loved him too.

**********

At 6am there was a knock on your door. You groaned and dragged yourself out of bed. You threw the door open to find Reid standing in the hall, fully dressed.

He walked right in and you grumbled, “Do you even know what time is it?”

“I’ve got an idea.”

“An idea so important you have to barge into my room before dawn?”

Reid looked at you in surprise. “It’s almost dawn?”

You raised your eyebrows. “It’s 6am.”

“Oh.”

“Spence…” you began, “did you even get any sleep last night?”

He shook his head and you sighed. “You can yell at me later, Iz. This is important. I think I know where the unsub is taking his victims.”

“How? Where?”

“Well, I was studying a map of the area where the bodies have been found. The only place that’s near all the dumpsites is an old abandoned warehouse. It’s be the perfect place to torture and kill these women.”

“I’m going to ignore the creepiness of that last statement and just say ‘good work, Reid’.”

“There’s a problem though.”

“And what’s that?” you asked.

“Senator Jacobs owns the warehouse.”

You inhaled sharply. “Shit. Well we can’t just go barging in there without probably cause. It’s private property owned by a freaking Senator.”

“Exactly, which brings me to my idea.”

You nodded and waited for him to continue.

“We need a reason to enter the building…and it would make matters easier if we could catch him in the act.” Reid paused. “I think you should go undercover.”

You took a moment to process his words. “You want me to pretend to be a prostitute?”

“Only until he takes you to the warehouse.”

You thought for a moment before nodding. “That actually might work.” You jumped up. “Come on, let’s talk to Hotch.”

“Uh, Izzy.” Reid points to your wardrobe and you realized you were still in your pajamas.

“Right. Let me change first.”

Five minutes later and the two of you were knocking on Hotch’s door.

He answered the door looking mildly annoyed. When he saw you, his expression softened. “What are you guys doing up?”

“Reid found something.”

Hotch stepped back to let the two of you enter. Reid explained what he found and Hotch listened intently. “So we can’t enter the premises without a warrant,” Reid concluded.

“And no judge is going to sign a warrant based on Reid’s intuition, no matter how good it may be,” you added.

“So what do you propose we do?” Hotch asked.

“We catch him red-handed,” you answered.

“How?”

“By sending Isabelle in undercover,” Reid responded.

Hotch looked between you and Reid in surprise. “No—no, absolutely not.”

“Hotch, we don’t have any other options,” you pled.

“I’m not putting you at risk.”

“It’s my decision.”

“I’m the Unit Chief and what I say—”

“No one else can do it,” Reid interjects. “JJ doesn’t have the necessary field experience and Emily isn’t the unsub’s type. It has to be Isabelle.”

Hotch looked crestfallen. “There has to be another way.”

“I’ve thought of every possible variation. This is the only way.”

Hotch looked down and shook his head.

“Please, Hotch. People’s lives are at stake,” you said softly.

He looked up at you, his face a mix of emotions. He sighed and his mask slid firmly into place. “Fine. We’ll need the day to prep you.”

You nodded. “I can do this.”

“I know you can, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

**********

“Hell no,” Derek said emphatically. “No way in hell, over my dead body…need I continue?”

“Come on, Derek,” you began.

“No, Izzy!” He looked over at Hotch. “You can’t seriously be okay with this.”

Hotch’s face remained impassive. “I’m not, but Reid makes a good point.”

“I don’t care what Reid says, we’re not sending Isabelle into the den of a sadistic serial killer,” he argued.

You sighed. “It’s not your decision to make, Morgan.”

He glared at you and you returned the stare. Neither of you backed down until JJ stepped between you. “Okay, both of you need to relax.”

“Relax? How am I supposed to—”

“Enough,” Hotch cut in aggressively. Morgan shut his mouth mid-sentence and watched his boss.

Hotch sighed. “Look, I know this isn’t the best idea, but it’s all we’ve got.” He looked at you and you nodded. “And Isabelle is okay with it. So instead of arguing about this, let’s prepare her to make this mission a success.”

Rossi stepped forward and looked at you closely. “I have the utmost faith in you, Isabelle. I just want to make absolutely certain that you are completely comfortable with this.”

You looked at him and gave him a small mile. “This isn’t my first time undercover, Rossi. I’ll be fine.”

He nodded. “Okay then. We should get started.”

Everyone gathered around the conference table. The next three hours were spent going over the plans for that evening. You could feel your anxiety ramping up as more time passed. This certainly wasn’t the most dangerous undercover mission you’d been on, but it had been years since you’d last worked incognito. You knew your team would be there and they’d have your back no matter what, but this was still extremely dangerous and there were a lot of unknowns.

“Hey, gorgeous. You still with us?” Morgan asked.

You looked up at him and nodded. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

You could feel everyone’s eyes on you and you knew they were all profiling you. Especially Hotch. The intensity of his gaze made your skin feel like it was on fire.

“Guys, stop,” you said firmly. “I can practically feel you all profiling me.”

Most of the team had the decency to look embarrassed, but not Morgan. He continued to give you the same concerned look.

“D,” you said gently. “I’m good.”

It was a few moments before he finally nodded and you released a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding.

“Is everyone clear on the plan for tonight?” Hotch asked.

“JJ and I will be on the street with Isabelle so we can see who picks her up,” Emily began.

“Rossi and I will be parked down the street to keep watch,” Spencer added, “We’ll follow at a safe distance once Isabelle gets picked up.”

“Morgan, you and I will trade off with Rossi and Reid to make sure that the unsub doesn’t realize he’s being followed. Once they get to their destination, we’ll keep watch and wait for the signal,” Hotch finished.

“I’ll have a tracker in my shoe so you’ll know where I am at all times,” you said. “Once I’m in the car, JJ and Emily will get into the surveillance van with Hotch and Morgan.”

Hotch nodded. “Good. As for the extraction plan—”

“Wait for my signal, then infiltrate,” you said.

Hotch nodded again. He peered at you intently. “If we don’t hear from you in thirty minutes, we’re coming in.”

“An hour,” you countered.

“Isabelle—” Hotch began.

“We need to catch him doing something other than sleeping with a prostitute, Hotch. Give me an hour, okay?”

Hotch closed his eyes briefly. “Fine. One hour.”

“Hotch—” Morgan started.

Hotch cut him off with a look that clearly said who was in charge.

“Easy boys,” Emily said to ease the tension. “Us girls need to go shopping. We need appropriate outfits for tonight’s…festivities.”

JJ nodded her agreement and the three of you practically raced out of the room. The men began to bicker the moment you’d shut the door behind you.

“They’re being way too overprotective,” you said.

“They’re your family, Izzy. Of course they’re being overprotective,” JJ insisted.

“I think they’re worried that I can’t do this.”

Emily shrugged. “They don’t get it. Derek and Hotch are alpha males. They instinctively want to protect their female.”

“That’s a disturbing way to put it,” you said with a laugh.

“Eh, you know what I mean.”

“How do you explain Rossi then?” JJ asked.

“His concern was more compassionate. He’s worried about the girl he sees as the daughter he never had. I think that’s an acceptable reaction,” Emily replied.

“And this whole thing was Spencer’s idea, so it’s no surprise he’s okay with it,” you said.

“Doesn’t mean he’s not worried,” JJ said softly.

You just nodded.

Emily picked up on your mood and said, “Alright ladies, enough about them. Let’s go get us some skanky clothes.”

You and JJ laugh. “Garcia would love this,” you said.

“You know she would find you the most outrageous outfit,” JJ said.

“Yeah she would,” you paused. “She’s going to worry about me.”

“She always does,” Emily said softly. “The only thing you need to focus on is keeping yourself safe.”

You nodded. “I know, I know. You’re right.” You took a deep breath. “Okay, where do we go to find prostitute-worthy clothes?”

Emily gave you a wry smile. “I know just the place.”

You and JJ exchange glances and a chuckle as you follow Emily out into the parking lot. 15 minutes later, you find yourself in a Target parking lot.

“I figured Walmart would be a bit too trashy,” Emily said with a shrug.

You rolled your eyes and JJ laughed. The three of you headed into the store and began to scour the clothing section to find just the right outfit. After trying multiple items on, each of you walked out with the perfect ‘never wearing this again’ outfit.

“You know, the boys are going to die when they see us in these outfits,” you said.

“Especially Hotch,” Emily said with a laugh.

You raised your eyebrows questioningly. “Why Hotch?”

“Well for starters, he’s a bit uptight,” Emily said. “A little bit of a prude.”

“He is not a prude,” you said lightly.

Both Emily and JJ stared at you. You laughed and said, “Okay, he’s rather uptight. This might give him a heart attack.”

“Just wait until Morgan see you,” JJ teased. “He’ll die of delight.”

“Oh stop.” You gave her an affectionate swat on the arm. “It’s Spence who will really freak out.”

“Oh my god,” Emily cracked up. “I’m picturing his face and it’s gold.”

The three of you laughed all the way back to the station. You left your bags in the car and headed inside.

Rossi, Reid, and Morgan were still in the conference room. They were all talking animatedly and laughing. You looked around for Hotch and finally found him in the Captain’s office. It looked like they were having a very heated discussion. It was clear that Hotch was agitated.

“That can’t be good,” you said, nodding toward the office.

“Hotch looks pissed,” Emily agreed.

The three of you entered the conference room to try and get the scoop from the others before Hotch came back.

“Hey boys,” you said. “What’s up with Hotch?”

“Apparently one of the idiot goons out there was chatting with a member of Senator Jacobs’ security team. He mentioned that we had a plan to catch this serial killer in action,” Rossi answered.

Your jaw dropped. “Shit. Did he tell the guy our plan?”

“Thankfully, no,” Rossi said.

“We’ve kept to ourselves most of the day,” Reid added. “No one but us knows what’s going to happen.”

“Still…” JJ started.

“I think we should call it off,” Morgan said.

“Morgan, no,” you said.

“It’s too dangerous, Iz! What if Jacobs is the unsub?”

“As long as our plan isn’t compromised, then we’ll be fine,” you said. “Maybe the security guy didn’t say anything to Jacobs.”

“Oh he told Jacobs everything,” Morgan said.

“How do you know?” Emily asked.

“Because Senator Jacobs called Hotch to personally congratulate him,” Rossi said.

“Holy mother…I can see why he’s so pissed,” you said.

You heard a door slam and the entire precinct looked up to stare. Hotch had just stormed out of the captain’s office and was headed outside.

“I’m going to go check on him,” you said.

“You’re a brave, brave soul, Isabelle Heywood,” Rossi commented.

You rolled your eyes and hurried out after Hotch. He almost never lost his temper, so this intense display of emotion surprised you. You found him around the side of the building, pacing back and forth.

“Hotch?” you called out tentatively.

He looked up at you and the cold fury in his eyes made you take a step back. He realized it was you, and his expression softened. He stopped pacing as you walked towards him.

“What happened?” you asked, even though you already knew.

“One of those idiot cops jeopardized the entire operation!” Hotch said angrily.

“Jacobs doesn’t know the plan,” you said softly.

“Does it really matter? If he is the unsub, he’s going to be on high alert.”

“You’re right, he will be,” you agreed. “But if it’s him, then he’s also a sadistic killer. He won’t be able to resist his urges.”

Hotch looked down at you, and you were surprised by the fear in his eyes. “How can I put you in danger when I’m so terrified of losing you?”

You shook your head. “You’re not gonna lose me, Aaron.” You reached up and gently rested your palm against his cheek. “I’ll come back.”

He closed his eyes and leaned against your hand for a moment. “You can’t promise me that,” he said softly. He took your hand and pulled it down, but didn’t let it go.

“You’re right, I can’t make that promise, but I can promise that I will never give up. No matter what happens, I will fight to come back to you.”

He inhaled sharply and nodded his head. “That’ll do,” he whispered.

You’d never seen him so vulnerable before and it was pulling at your heart strings. You could feel his love for you. It was so intense that it overwhelmed you. It was also a testament to his ability to hide his emotions. You’d never noticed and as far as you knew, no one else had either.

Aaron Hotchner hid himself away from the rest of the world and you worried that if something happened to you, he would never show his vulnerable side again. Your heart practically ached with all the years of unexpressed love that you’d kept bottled up inside.

“When all this is over,” you started softly. “I want to tell you something.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You can’t tell me now?”

You shook your head. “You’ll have to wait until we catch this guy. It’s just a little incentive.”

“You’re right…” he said softly, “that is cruel.”

You laughed and flashed your brilliant smile. He leaned down and kissed you gently. Butterflies floated around in your stomach and your heart beat faster. When you parted, both of your faces were flushed and his eyes were burning with desire.

He took a deep breath and pulled you into a hug. “Thank you,” he whispered into your hair.

You pulled back and looked up at him. “For what?”

“For coming after me. For calming me down. For being you.”

You laughed softly. “You’re quite welcome.” You squeezed his hand and let go as you made your way back to the front of the building. “So what did you say to the captain?”

“I told him that his officer put one of my best agent’s lives at risk. Then I yelled a little bit.”

“A little bit?” you asked skeptically.

“Okay, probably more than I should have.”

You nodded. “Go apologize.”

He paused and stared at you. The two of you were right beside the door and you could feel the stares through the glass.

“I’m serious, Aaron. It’s not his fault one of his officers is an idiot. Plus, yelling never solved anything. So, go apologize, please.”

He looked at you and sighed. “You’re right.”

You smiled. “I know.”

He rolled his eyes before he once again slid his mask firmly into place and entered the building. You followed, but headed towards the conference room as he headed to the captain’s office.

“What did you say to him?” Emily asked, staring across the room.

“Is he apologizing?” Morgan asked incredulously.

You laughed and punched his arm. “Yes, he’s apologizing. Not all men are savage animals who can’t admit when they’re wrong.”

He rolled his eyes and crumpled some paper into a ball, which he proceeded to throw at your head. You ducked and the paper hit Reid, causing him to jump and the whole room to laugh.

“Rude,” Reid said to Morgan.

You bent down and wrapped your arms around Reid’s neck and kissed his head. “Come on, love. It was pretty funny.”

Reid laughed. “Oh, I will get you back, just you wait.”

“I’m trembling,” Morgan joked.

You straightened up when Hotch entered the conference room. He nodded to you and then addressed the rest of the team. “I’m sorry about that everyone. But the plan is still on for tonight.”

“Are we sure this is still a good idea?” Morgan asked.

“Isabelle’s still okay with it and Jacobs, if he is the unsub, has no idea what our actual plan is.”

“We profiled that the unsub would kill again, so it’s a safe bet that his urges will have him on the hunt tonight,” Reid added.

“Alright. Let’s go over the plan one more time just to be sure,” Morgan said.

The room groaned, but Hotch agreed, so everyone sat down to discuss it.

**********At the hotel

“I’m pretty sure I’ve never shown this much cleavage in my entire life,” you said with a laugh.

“Girl, I used to go to clubs practically naked in Europe,” Emily said.

You all laughed.

“Not all of us can be as cool as you,” JJ added.

“Aww, you think I’m cool?” Emily asked with a grin.

“Doesn’t everyone?” you joked.

“You’re right,” Emily said as she dramatically flipped her hair over her shoulder.

The three of you burst out laughing. You grew sober again as you looked at yourself in the mirror. “I look like a prostitute.”

Emily came over to stand beside you. “A very high-end prostitute,” she said. “And besides, isn’t that the point?”

You sighed. “I know. It’s just slightly horrifying.”

JJ laughed. “Honey, we all look like prostitutes. I’m just glad Will isn’t here to see it.”

Emily nodded. “Perks of not having a boyfriend. I don’t have to worry about what anyone thinks.”

You blushed slightly as you thought about Hotch’s reaction. You didn’t really want him to see you dressed like this…but it was for the job. He’d have to understand.

“You’re blushing,” Emily pointed out.

“Thanks for the info, Em.”

She laughed lightly. “Anytime. Now, who are you thinking about?”

“Spence,” you answered automatically.

“Reid?” she asked in surprise.

“He’s like my little brother,” you said. “I don’t like the idea of him seeing me dressed like a hooker.”

It was true, but it wasn’t exactly the answer to Emily’s question. She, however, didn’t need to know that.

“Don’t worry, Iz. I doubt he’ll judge you. Besides, I don’t think there’s anything you could do that would ever taint his view of you.”

“He looks up to you,” JJ added. “You’re the big sister he never knew he wanted.”

You smiled. “Thanks guys.” You took a deep breath. “Are we ready to do this?”

“I think the more accurate question is, are you ready to do this?” Emily corrected.

You nodded. “I think I’m ready.” You straightened your shirt and headed for the door.

The three of you went across the hall to Hotch’s room, where the rest of the team was gathered. You took another deep breath and opened the door.

Four heads immediately swiveled in your direction. Your entrance was met with stunned silence.

Rossi was the first to recover. “You guys look…”

“Like 2 dollar hookers?” you asked.

The tension in the room lifted and the boys laughed.

“Well I was gonna say ‘nice’, but I doubt that’s an accurate term,” Rossi said with a smile.

You made eye contact with Hotch and you were surprised to see the discomfort on his face. You gave him a small smile, which he tried to return, but it looked forced. He looked away and you glanced around to make sure no one saw the exchange. Everyone was chatting, not paying attention to the two of you at all…or so you thought. You were unaware, but Emily had seen the exchange and she filed it in the back of her mind to bring up to you later.

Suddenly a phone started ringing. Morgan looked down at his and smiled. “Hey baby girl, what’s cooking?”

“Well, my chocolate delight, let me tell you. I’m a bit peeved that you haven’t called me all day. I’m wasting away at my keyboard, feeling useless,” Garcia whined.

Morgan laughed. “Sorry, sweet cheeks. We got a little busy over here.”

“Fine, fine. You’re forgiven. Now, let me talk to Izzy.”

Morgan looked surprised. “Okay, hold on.” He handed the phone to you.

“Hey, Garcia,” you said.

“Take me off speaker.”

You did so before putting the phone to your ear. “What’s up, PG?”

“You’re going undercover?” she demanded.

You sighed. “Who told you?”

“Reid called me.”

You shot a glance at Reid, but he was blissfully unaware. “It’s not a big deal,” you began.

“It’s a huge deal, Isabelle Heywood! You could get yourself killed!”

“I know, Penelope. I’ll be careful, I promise. Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”

“I worry, you know that.”

“I know. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Well don’t do it again. I need to know what’s happening to my family, Isabelle.”

“I promise I’ll keep you in the loop.”

“Good,” she paused. “Stay safe, Iz,” she said softly.

“I will, Penelope.”

“Okay. Now give me back to Morgan.”

You handed the phone back to Morgan. You didn’t hear what was said, but you could assume. You sat down and took a deep breath. You did your best to focus on the task ahead of you.

On the phone, Garcia ended the call with, “Keep her safe, Derek.”

“I’ll do my best, baby girl,” he said before hanging up.

“Alright,” Hotch said. “We need to get moving. Is everyone ready?”

A mixture of nods and ‘yes, sir’s’ answered his question. Everyone filed out of the room, you and Emily at the back of the group.

“Hey,” Emily says quietly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“I—uh—I saw you and Hotch…”

You tensed up. “What are you talking about?”

“When we first came into the room…the way he looked at you.”

You sighed. “It’s nothing, Em. It’s just Hotch being Hotch.”

She shook her head. “I don’t think so. He didn’t look at me or JJ like that.”

You shrugged. “Nothing’s going on, Emily. We’re coworkers—friends. That’s all.”

She didn’t look convinced, but she nodded. “Okay, Isabelle. If you say so.”

The two of you moved quickly to catch up with the rest of the team at the elevators. Once you were down in the lobby, you got a lot of judgmental stares from both guests and hotel staff. The men gawked and the women looked at the three of you with disgust.

Hotch led the group, with the girls in the middle, Reid on one side, Morgan on the other, and Rossi bringing up the rear. Each of them had a protective stance as if daring someone to say something.

At one point, Morgan yelled at an especially creepy man, “What are you looking at?” The man backed up and you managed to get outside and into the vehicles without further issue.

Hotch drove the three of you downtown. He didn’t look at you the entire way down. As you neared the destination, he pulled over. “Okay ladies. You’ll have to walk from here. The van will be parked down the street, so as soon as Isabelle gets picked up, start moving.”

JJ and Emily nodded.

“Stay safe out there and watch each other’s backs.”

“We will,” you said as you opened the door.

JJ and Emily got out and you were halfway out of the vehicle when Hotch grabbed your arm. You turned to look at him and found his face filled with emotion.

“Come back to me,” he whispered, too softly for Morgan to hear.

Your breath caught in your chest and all you could do was nod. He released you and you slid out of the car and shut the door. You smiled at the girls and pretended that everything was fine.

“Let’s do this,” you said as you started walking down the street. Your high heels were uncomfortable and your skirt was so short, you were afraid that your underwear was hanging out. The three of you remained silent until you could see other street-walkers just up the road.

“Get into character, ladies. It’s go time.”

The other two women nodded and you all headed into the lion’s den together. A couple of the girls eyed you suspiciously, but no one said anything. You paid attention to your surroundings without being obvious, absorbing everything you saw and heard.

You paid strict attention to the Johns that pulled up, having to quickly assess them to determine if they could be your unsub. An hour in, and no one had stuck out to you.

You walked over to Emily and said, “Hey Casey, got any bites?”

She sighed and shook her head. “Nothing good yet.”

JJ slid up beside you. “Nothing good for me either.”

“Well don’t give up just yet, Vikki,” you said cheerfully.

JJ smiled. “How ‘bout you, Lilly?”

“Not a damn thing,” you responded.

You parted ways again to continue your observations.

~In the van~

Hotch and Morgan had been sitting in silence for most of the previous hour. Hotch was too busy trying not to worry about you to have a conversation. He couldn’t quite make you out from this position, but your tracker placed you across the street.

Morgan had been fidgety for the last half hour. He was clearly restless, but Hotch had a feeling he was really worried about you too.

Finally, Morgan couldn’t stand it anymore. “What if something happens to her?” he blurted.

“Nothing’s going to happen to her, Morgan.”

“You don’t know that for sure, Hotch.”

Hotch sighed. “I’m worried about her too, you know. We just have to trust her skills. And we’re all here with her.”

“I know. It’s just…” he trailed off. “She’s just so incredible. I can’t help but adore her.”

Hotch glanced at Morgan, but his focus was across the street. He felt a surge of jealousy, which he pushed down immediately.

“I love her, Hotch. I really do.”

Hotch took a moment before he responded. “I didn’t know the two of you were together.”

Morgan barked out a laugh. “No, no. We’re not together. Isabelle’s too good for me, but that’s not what I meant. I love her like family. Sure, I’d date her if she wanted, but I’m not quite her type.”

Hotch visibly relaxed, which didn’t escape Morgan’s notice. He raised his eyebrows, but decided not to say anything. After all, Hotch was his boss. He was a little surprised that Hotch had feelings…in general. So it was almost shocking that he had feelings for you specifically. Not because you were unlikeable or anything, but because you were Hotch’s subordinate. Morgan knew Hotch was a rule-follower by nature. There was no way he would break the rules, even for someone as incredible as you.

Hotch was about to say something when a large SUV pulled up across the street. “We’ve got movement,” he said.

Morgan lifted his binoculars to try and get a better look. “The windows are tinted. I can’t see anything.”

“Damn,” Hotch said. “Reid, Rossi, do you have a visual of who is in that SUV?” he asked over the radio.

“Negative, Hotch,” Rossi responded. “We can see the girls though. Izzy’s going up to the passenger window now.”

~Back on the street~

A dark SUV pulled up to the curb and you took a step forward. The windows were tinted and you couldn’t see into the car at all. You could see Emily and JJ out of the corner of your eye. They were watching you like hawks and you were glad for it.

The passenger side window rolled down and a man leaned his head out. He pointed at you with a smile. “Hey there gorgeous. Come a little closer.”

You smiled and walked up to the car. “Hiya handsome. What can I do for you?”

The man smiled. “Well darling, it’s not for me. I’ve got a very special client that wants to meet you. You have to be very discreet. Can you do that, baby girl?”

You bristled at the nickname, but you didn’t show it. Instead you gave him a seductive smile. “Discreet is my middle name.”

“Perfect,” he grinned. “Get in the back and tell me your name.”

“Lilly,” you responded as you opened the back door. You could see JJ and Emily move closer, but you didn’t look at them. It was important not to attract attention.

You slid into the backseat and shut the door. You were quite certain these men weren’t your unsub, but you had a feeling they were going to take you to him. “Who’s this special client?” you asked sweetly.

“You’ll see real soon, darlin’.”

You smiled and sat back. You calmed your nerves by taking in everything about the vehicle, the two men, and the landmarks you passed on your way to meet this client. You remained silent and that seemed to suit both men.

~In the van~

The moment you got into that car, the rest of the team sprang into motion.

Reid and Rossi followed the SUV while Hotch and Morgan picked up JJ and Emily. Hotch’s grip on the wheel was so tight his knuckles were turning white. No one spoke until Rossi radioed and said the SUV was heading west, which meant it was their turn to follow.

“Copy that. We’ve got them,” Morgan responded.

The SUV traveled west for about 1.25 miles before turning into the drive of a luxury hotel. It was the kind of place where the staff were paid to be discreet and the rich came to do the things they couldn’t do at home.

“They’re at the Conway Hotel on Pike,” Hotch said to the team. “We’ll set up down here and watch the front. Rossi and Reid, you watch the back. Wait for Izzy’s signal and we’ll all go in.”

“Roger that, Hotch,” Rossi responded.

The nerves in the van intensified. They were all wishing they had eyes on the situation. For now, the best they could do was wait. Your tracker said that you were in the hotel. They just had to have faith you would be okay.

~In the hotel~

You stared at your reflection in the metal walls of the elevator. From the outside, you looked completely composed, as if this was something you did every day. On the inside, however, you were nervous, and frankly a little scared. You had a good idea about who this ‘client’ was and you hoped your team made the same assumptions.

You were led off the elevator and escorted to a room at the end of the hall. The door opened almost immediately after your arrival. You stepped into the room and gasped in surprise. Sitting in a chair in the front room was none other than Senator Mark Jacobs.

The Senator stood up and walked toward you. He was a very imposing man. Roughly 6’2”, former football star, and still in excellent shape despite being almost 50. Most women (and even some men) would say he was very attractive, but all you felt when you looked at him was revulsion. You did your best to hide your true feelings and focus on your persona.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked you.

“Yes, Senator, I do.”

He smiled. He walked around you. You pretended to appreciate his gaze, even when it lingered on your ample cleavage.

Once he’d finished his inspection, he turned to his security personnel. “She’s perfect, boys. Wait for me in the other room while I get down to business with our guest.”

The guards left and all of his attention was on you. “What’s your name?”

“Lilly,” you replied with a sultry smile. “And what would you like me to call you?”

“You can call me ‘sir’.” He took a step towards you. “I’ll give you $5,000 for the night if you let me do what I want with you.”

You were surprised by the amount, but you didn’t let it show. “$8,000 and you can do anything.”

He smiled. “I like a woman who knows how to bargain. You’ve got yourself a deal, Miss Lilly.”

You bit your lip and took a step towards him. “Okay, handsome. What do you want to do first?” You placed your hands on his chest and fiddled with the buttons on his shirt.

He said nothing, just watched you with hungry eyes, so you began to unbutton his shirt. Your hands slid down his smooth chest to his muscled abdomen. You pushed him onto the couch and climbed on his lap.

“Kiss me,” he demanded.

You felt your heart begin to race and bile rise in the back of your throat. You swallowed it back down and pressed your lips to his. It disgusted you to be intimate with him, but you had no choice. His hands slid up your ribcage and under your shirt. He yanked your top off over your head and buried his face in your breasts. You ran your fingers through his blonde hair and let out a fake moan.

Just then, the door to the room opened.

“Oh shit!” a man’s voice said. “Sorry, Senator. I didn’t know you had a girl with you.”

You turned around and your heart stopped. The man’s jaw dropped when he saw your face. You scrambled off the Senator’s lap and took a step back.

The man standing before you was Detective Brady, one of the officers working on this case. “Do you know who she is?” he demanded.

“What are you going on about, Brady?” The Senator asked in annoyance.

“She’s an FBI agent! She’s one people down from Quantico working the prostitute case!”

Your heart was thudding in your chest as you thought about your options. You could feel the disposable cell phone in your back pocket. All you needed to do was hit the call button and it would connect directly to Hotch.

“I don’t know what he’s talking about,” you said as your hand slid into your pocket. You tried to press the send button just as the Senator took a step towards you.

“What’s your name, girl?” he growled.

“Lilly!” you said emphatically.

He squinted his eyes at you and you stared back at him in defiance. At least, you hoped that was the expression on your face.

“Her name is Isabelle Heywood,” Brady insisted. “I can prove it to you.”

Your heart continued to thud as Brady pulled out his cell phone. He pushed a couple buttons before handing it to the Senator. You heard Hotch’s voice, then Morgan’s, and then your own. You realized Brady must have filmed the presentation of the profile. You took a step back and tried to determine your next move.

The Senator handed Brady the phone and looked at you again. Your hand was still in your back pocket and you just managed to press send before the Senator grabbed you.

~In the van~

Hotch’s phone rang and he glanced at it to see who was calling. “It’s Isabelle,” he said aloud.

Morgan nodded and the van fell silent as Hotch answered the call. He put it on speaker so everyone could hear, but muted his end.

“Now, what are we going to do with you, Isabelle?” a man’s voice asked.

“Get your hands off me,” you said angrily.

“Oh my god,” Emily said.

“He made her,” Morgan added.

“We need to move, now!” Hotch yelled as he jumped out of the van. “Morgan, you’re with me. Emily and JJ, stay out front in case they try to come down.”

He and Morgan ran into the building. “Rossi!” Hotch yelled into his radio. “They know who Isabelle is. We’re going in. Stay in the back and make sure they don’t escape that way.”

“Got it. Go get her Hotch.”

They ran up to the front desk. The woman behind the desk eyed them warily until Morgan flashed his creds. “A woman escorted by two men came in roughly 15 minutes ago. We need to know what room they’re in.”

“I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t give you that information.”

“She’s in danger. We need to know,” Morgan insisted.

“I can’t, I’m sorry.”

“She’s an undercover agent!” Hotch said angrily. “If you don’t tell us what room they’re in right now, she’s going to die.”

The clerk turned white and glanced down at her computer. “Room 305.”

Hotch was already running towards the stairs. Morgan thanked the clerk before chasing after him. When they reached the room, they didn’t even bother to knock. Hotch kicked the door in and the two men rushed into the room. It was completely silent, not a soul in sight.

Hotch went to check the bedroom while Morgan checked the living area. “Hotch, you need to see this,” Morgan called.

Hotch came into the living area. On the floor was a pile of clothing…your clothing. Your shoes were off to the side and the disposable phone you’d used to call Hotch was sitting on top of the clothes.

“No…” Hotch said softly as he took in the scene. He seemed to be frozen in place as he stared at your shoes.

“They’re not here,” Morgan said into his earpiece. “Anyone have eyes on them?”

“Negative,” Emily responded.

“Negative here too,” Rossi said.

“Call in back up. They’ve gotta be here somewhere,” Morgan said.

“What about the tracker?” Reid asked.

“Her clothes, shoes, and phone are all here,” Morgan replied.

“Shit,” Emily mumbled.

“We’re going to search the building. Cover every entrance and make sure they don’t leave,” Morgan ordered. He looked over at Hotch who was still frozen in place. “Hotch?”

“She’s gone. The unsub has her,” he mumbled.

“Hotch, snap out of it. We need to look for her,” Morgan insisted.

Hotch looked up at him in surprise. For a moment, Morgan could see the vulnerable man underneath the hard outer shell, but his normal stony face returned almost instantly. “It couldn’t have taken us more than 3 minutes to get up here, so they can’t have gone far,” he said.

“Agreed. Maybe they took the other stairs. I doubt they would have taken the elevators,” Morgan said.

Hotch nodded and the two of them rushed out to the other staircase. There was no sign of anyone and they made it all the way down to the lobby just to be sure.

“Shit!” Morgan exclaimed. “Hotch, there’s an underground garage.” He pointed to a sign and the two of them ran down the final flight of stairs.

“What if they have a second car?” Morgan asked.

“We have to hope they don’t,” Hotch answered.

One minute later and they’d found the SUV…it was completely empty. Hotch cursed under his breath. They went back up to the lobby and met with the rest of the team.

“I think they had a secondary vehicle,” Hotch said.

“What--are you saying they got away?” JJ exclaimed.

“Yes, and they have Isabelle,” he responded.

Reid went pale. “But…I promised her we’d keep her safe.”

“We all did,” Morgan said gently.

“We have to find her,” Reid said urgently.

“I know kid, but we have no idea who has her, what they’re driving, or where they’re going,” Morgan replied.

“We know who took her,” JJ said. “We heard his voice.”

Hotch nodded in agreement. “It was Senator Jacobs.”

“Are you positive?” Rossi asked.

“One hundred percent.”

“Then he’s taking her to the warehouse,” Reid said.

“Let’s go,” Hotch said and the team raced to their vehicles.

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #hotch x reader #criminal minds fic #I can't lose you series

300 notes · View notes

secret-kpoplibrary · 2 years

Text

Inspiring Romance Pt. 10

Pairing: Yoongi x Plus-sized Reader

Word Count: 3.0k

Warnings: well- there's a sex scene so- oral (f & m receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it yall), praise, body worship, degradation, breeding kink, overstimulation/multiple orgasms- it's my usual real nasty shit lmao

Genre: fluff & smut in equal mostly measure

Summary: You spent years happily taking care of an old man who surprisingly leaves you a huge gift when he passes. To your surprise, this gift has brought his grandson to your doorstep. Unfortunately, his grandson is one frustratingly arrogant piece of work and now thanks to his grandfather you're stuck with him for three months. You're sure his grandfather rolling in his grave watching the two of you fight every day and as much as you'd like to get along with him for his grandad's sake- he just makes it so hard to like him that you think you'll strangle him before he leaves this place. There's simply no way this could be worse.

***

"I love you." Yoongi says quietly and you can all you can do is blink at him in shock. You couldn't have guessed that was the thing Yoongi wanted to tell you.

"You- you what?" You whisper as if speaking any louder will hurt one of you.

"I love you. I love the sound of your voice and the way you laugh. I love the faces you make when you're lost in a book. I love how passionate you are about the things you like. I even love when you tease me for being a dick. I love you."

"I- I love you too. Even though you are a dick sometimes." You chuckle a little.

"You do?" He smiles brightly, bigger than you think you've ever seen him smile.

"Yes Yoongi. I do. Don't worry I'm as surprised as you are." You shake your head.

"You ruined it. Couldn't you be nice for five minutes?" Yoongi pulls you closer to him by your waist.

"Let's be real Yoongi- I wouldn't be me if I was nice through this whole dramatic confession moment." You say draping your arms loosely around his shoulders.

"You're so annoying." He scoffs.

"And yet you love everything about me." You tease.

"I'm about 10 seconds from taking it back."

"You can't do that. Sorry, it's illegal. I literally could have died today."

"I wouldn't have let that happen." Yoongi says with a small frown.

"I know, it was a joke. Stop frowning." You tell him kissing his pouty lips lightly. He jolts back slightly in surprise and blinks at you with his mouth ever so slightly agape. "Are you alright Yoongi?" You giggle at the look on his face.

"You kissed me."

"Am I not supposed to? I figured it would be okay- what with your confession a few minutes ago."

"I just- didn't expect you to."

"Well you're not frowning anymore so- it worked. You look like the shocked emoji now. It's cute. You're cute." You laugh.

"Are you usually this giggly with people you like?"

"It's been a long time since I've liked someone, I honestly don't know. Maybe it's just a you thing." You shrug.

"I'll be honest, I quite like it. It makes me feel a little better about how much I like you. I couldn't have guessed this is how confessing to you would go. I actually wasn't going to confess to you at all honestly so I get why you were so surprised, I tried to hide it because I didn't think any good would come of telling you- but the whole time I just kept thinking if I never saw you again I'd regret not telling you the truth, so after everything that's went down-"

"Yoongi." You cut his rant short by tilting his head to look at you because you're sure he could go on for the rest of the night if you let him.

"Yes?" His answer is breathy, probably because saying so much so quickly left him a bit out of breath.

"Just kiss me." You tell him holding his face in your hands. Yoongi stands and pulls you flush against him as he brings his lips to yours. The kiss is hot and forceful as if Yoongi is trying to feed every emotion he has with this one kiss. One hand leaves his face to tangle in his hair, tugging lightly at the intensity of his mouth against yours and the groan he lets out makes your skin prickly in a most enjoyable way. Yoongi's hands tighten at your hips as he kisses you until you're pulling away to breathe.

"Happy now?" He asks, his voice hoarse and quiet.

"Not even close." You smile pulling him into another kiss, shorter this time because Yoongi's laughter interrupts.

"I like kissing you y/n but what's going on with you?" He chuckles grabbing your wrists to hold your attention. He sits back in his seat at the island.

"I dunno, maybe it's the whole being kidnapped thing." You joke with a shrug.

"Getting kidnapped has you feeling frisky?" Yoongi smiles.

"Yeah maybe." You say giving Yoongi kisses between your words.

"Y/n, love, wait a second." Yoongi chuckles.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll stop." You smile brightly.

"You don't have to stop but if you plan to go any further- I'm not having our first time be in the kitchen." He tells you.

"Oh." You feel your cheeks warm slightly.

"Do you want to go any further?" He asks, looking at you intensely.

"I-"

"We don't have to. We can just stay here and keep kissing if that's as far as you want to go. I won't push you baby." He says. You tug Yoongi's hand to get him out of the chair and take him upstairs.

"Your room or mine?" You ask him at the top of the staircase. Yoongi wraps his arms around you, hugging you to him with your back pressed against his chest.

"Wherever you would be more comfortable lovely." He says kissing your shoulder. Your room it is. The two of you've spent tons of your time together in there already anyway. You pull Yoongi into your bedroom and kiss him again, allowing him to walk you backwards until your legs hit your bed. Yoongi nudges your shoulder for you to lay back on the bed and climbs over you, kissing you again. Yoongi's lips trail to your neck and he quickly finds the spot there that has you tightly gripping his shirt.

"Oh- that feels good." You sigh as Yoongi paints your throat with blooms of red. Yoongi chuckles against your neck.

"Yeah?" Yoongi muses pulling at the end of your shirt. A moment of panic has you flipping Yoongi, a thing you're sure you only manage because you shocked him. You shocked yourself too but you hide your face by coloring his neck with hickeys to match yours.

"Y-y/n, fuck." Yoongi's sentence devolves into a moan. You're sure Yoongi was going to say something about your filp, but his hands on your hips tell you he's sufficiently distracted. Yoongi sits up to help you take off his shirt when you tug on the end. You trail kisses down Yoongi's chest and stomach, enjoying the way the muscles tense and relax under your touch. He hisses when you nip at the skin near his hips as you undo his belt and tug down his pants and boxers.

"Watch it." He warns and you giggle in response as you take him in your hand. He takes in a sharp breath when you squeeze him gently. His length is heavy and hot in your grip. It's red at the tip and Yoongi gasps when you lick it from base to head.

"Fuck." Yoongi grunts, his hands gripping the sheets tightly when you take as much of him into your mouth as you can. You bob your head at an even pace, watching Yoongi's reactions closely. His head is tipped back, his mouth has dropped open, and his fingers are twitching to touch you but he wants you to control your movements. Yoongi's legs tense beneath your hands and in the next moment he pulls you off of him by your shoulders.

"I'm naked and you are still fully dressed." Yoongi says grabbing the hem of your shirt. You push your lips against his but Yoongi is having none of your distraction this time.

"Y/n, lemon drop, what's going on? We don't have to do this if you don't want to you know." Yoongi frowns.

"It's not that I don't want to it's just- well I guess I'm a little nervous." You mutter.

"Nervous? Why?" He asks.

"I hate to say this actually I'm just- paranoid you won't like the way I look." You say quietly. You're embarrassed to admit it, most of the time you're happy with the way you look, but you'd be lying if you said Sunwoo didn't get in your head a bit. You know Yoongi isn't him but what if you actually are hard to look at without clothes. You don't think you'll be able to handle if Yoongi has an adverse reaction to your body.

"Y/n!" Yoongi shakes you.

"Sorry- did you say something?" You blink at him and he lets out a little laugh.

"Looks like I lost you for a moment there lemon drop." He says.

"I- I'm sorry, it's stupid. I feel silly." You shake your head.

"You're stuck in your head. It's not silly and your feelings are never stupid. But I'll remind you, darling, I did tell you that I love everything about you. And I, wasn't, lying." Yoongi says, punctuating his last sentence with kisses between his words.

"Yoongi-"

"Let me prove it to you my lemon drop." Yoongi hums burying his head in your neck.

"What if you don't-"

"I want to see you. All of you, will you let me?" Yoongi asks you. You nod shyly. "I need words lemon drop."

"Yes." You reply breathily. Yoongi slowly peels your shirt off of you and your shorts are quick to follow. Yoongi unhooks your bra with ease and he takes a long moment to look at you. You try hard not to squirm under his gaze.

"Beautiful." He says kissing you gently. When he pulls away, he ducks his head to pull one of your nipples between his lips while his fingers twist and pull the other until both are erect. Your hand goes into his hair as you arch forward towards his mouth. Yoongi's free hand dips between your thighs, gently stroking you through your underwear. "You're already so wet for me baby." Yoongi mutters against you.

"Yoongi- more. Please, I want more." You whimper, tugging his hair.

"God I love you." Yoongi says kissing down your abdomen. He tugs your underwear down your legs and kisses his way up your legs, covering your thighs in more love bites. One more whine pushes Yoongi to finally lick a stripe against your slit. He immediately wraps his lips around your clit, flicking his tongue against the sensitive bundle of nerves. At the same time he inserts two fingers inside you, he curls them immediately, finding that spongy spot that tightens the coil quickly.

"Oh fuck." You moan loudly, arching towards his mouth as your fingers tug at his blonde hair.

"You taste so fucking good baby." Yoongi groans against you.

"Y-Yoongi I'm close." You whimper, under other circumstances you might be shy about how quickly Yoongi is bringing you to the edge but it feels so good you can't bring yourself to care.

"You're close? Wanna cum for me lemon drop?" Yoongi grunts, licking at your clit between his words, fingers still stretching and toying with your inner walls.

"Y-yes." You whine breathlessly, squirming against his tongue.

"Go ahead baby- lemme taste you." Yoongi says, coaxing your orgasm out of you with a few sucks of your clit that have you tumbling over the edge with a low moan. Yoongi's fingers continue to pump in and out of you until your breathing steadies slightly. "I love these too." He tells you as he takes a moment to cover your thighs in hickeys as he watches the way your chest rises and falls. "Fucking gorgeous." Yoongi says coming up to kiss you. You can taste yourself on his lips as his tongue tangles with yours.

"Yoongi- please, please fuck me." You mutter against his lips.

"Greedy girl." Yoongi teases even as he lines himself up with your entrance. His first thrust is slow, making you feel every inch as he stretches you with his dick.

"Fuck." You whimper breathlessly at the feeling of him filling you completely. Yoongi's head drops when he bottoms out, his breathing harsh against your neck at the way your warm heat feels around him.

"Holy shit you feel so good." He groans pulling out and rocking his hips forward back into you. He does this a few times, slowly filling you until you start to whine for more.

"Yoongi- more, please- need more. Fucking wreck me." You pout at him, grinding your hips up against his. Yoongi's hands grip your hips tightly,

"Wreck you? That's what you want baby? For me to completely ruin you? Fuck your pretty pussy until you can't take anymore? Really?" He asks you, his eyes darkening.

"Yes Yoongi. Need it so bad." You groan, pouting more now that he's stopped you from chasing your own pleasure.

"Your wish is my command." Yoongi says immediately changing the pattern of his thrusts, harsh and fast bed shaking movements that have you arching your back. "I'll make this gorgeous body of yours cum so many times for me you'll be shaking before I'm done with you." He grunts, thumbing your clit in time with his thrusts.

"Holy fuck!" You jolt at the sudden contact to your clit. Your hands wrap around him, scratching red lines down his back as he fucks into you.

"Such a pretty little slut, begging to be absolutely ruined." He coos at you as you writhe beneath his ministrations. "I want you to cum for me lemon drop, lemme feel your pussy squeezing my dick hm." He increases the pressure against your clit.

"Fuck- fuck I'm close Yoongi." You force out, your body tensing with the force of your impending orgasm.

"Let go for me baby." Yoongi coaxes and the strain in his voice sends you to another orgasm quickly. "Fuck you look so pretty when you cum. You'll gimme another won't you baby?" He asks you.

"I want to- please make me cum again Yoongi." You whine desperately.

"I will princess, gonna make you cum til it hurts." Yoongi's thrusts haven't slowed even a little as he continues to toy with your sensitive clit to drag another orgasm out of you.

"Shit- shit you feel so good Yoongi. The way you're stretching me out- I love it." You moan, your hands gripping the sheets by your head as Yoongi plays with your body. His other hand travels up to tweak one of your nipples, the added stimulation brings your third orgasm to a head without warning and you release with a shout.

"That's a good girl. Oh I could watch you cum like that all night." Yoongi praises as he continues to thrust into you, sweat making his hair stick to his forehead. Yoongi's fingers keep circling against your clit as you squirm beneath him. "I want another one baby, come on, show me that pretty face again." He mutters.

"F-fuck Yoongi- feels good- feels so so so fucking good."

"Yeah? Feels good? Show me. Show me how good it feels. Cum for me." He tells you.

"T-too soon." You whimper.

"I don't think so lemon drop. I think you can do it. Don't you wanna be good for me?" He asks.

"Y-Yes, fuck yes." You groan at the overwhelming sensations.

"Then cum for me. Now." He grits out adding more pressure to the fingers toying with your clit. To your surprise, on his command your orgasm hits you so hard you see stars. "Good girl." Yoongi hums, though his voice feels far away as you ride out your fourth orgasm- or was that the fifth? You're too dazed to remember. Yoongi takes advantage of your blissed out state and flips you onto your stomach before you come down all the way, thrusting back into you, now chasing his own orgasm as you whimper helplessly into the sheets. "Fuck you feel amazing y/n, squeezing me so tight, and so good too. Taking my dick like you were made for it, letting me use you how I want. Like my own personal fucktoy." Yoongi grunts into your ear.

"Yes, fuck- yes. I am." You whimper, your words slurring together as your mind starts to go numb from pleasure.

"Aw- having trouble stringing together sentences baby? Someone's a bit cock drunk huh." Yoongi taunts.

"Yoongi- please." You mumble pointlessly, gripping the sheets desperately as he rails you relentlessly.

"Please what lemon drop? Use your words. Or are you too fucking blissed out to do that?" Yoongi's hand wraps around your throat and pulls you flush against him. "Fuck I'm gonna breed this fucking pussy so good." He grunts and the idea causes you to clench around him. "You like that baby? Wanna be bred? Fucked full of my cum? Bet you'd look so pretty all swollen with my kid. I can feel your cunt clenching around me princess. I know how badly you want me to fucking own you."

"Yes! Yes- fuck please!" You manage to get out- slurred and loud but intelligible.

"Shit I love the way you beg me princess."

"P-please Yoongi- wan ih so bah." You slur out between moans and whimpers.

"You want my cum that bad? Want me to fill you with it? Breed you til you're pregnant?" Yoongi taunts.

"Yes- please- yes." You whine out.

"You want it so bad- cum for me again baby. Gimme one last one and I'll fill you up like you're begging me to." Yoongi's fingers drop back to your clit. You writhe and squirm even as his hand around your neck holds you mostly in place. "Come on baby. Be a good girl and cum for me. I just want one more from you." Yoongi coos in your ear, toying with your clit until you're panting and shaking against him, cumming with a slient scream. Yoongi lets go of your throat and you fall forward to the bed as he takes your hips and focuses fully on his orgasm. His thrusts get sloppy quickly and soon he's stilling inside of you as liquid heat floods your walls. "Fucking hell." He grunts as his orgasm subsides.

"Lemon drop? You still with me?" He asks.

"Mmm." You answer though you meant to actually say yes.

"Alright well a shower is out of the question for now. Lemme just get a rag and-"

"No." You whine grabbing at his thumb as it's the only thing you manage to grab before he's out of reach.

"I will be right back sweetheart." He kisses your forehead and practically runs into your bathroom to grab a wet rag and gently clean you up a little. "See, I was quick." Yoongi chuckles when he climbs back into bed next to you and you curl into him.

"When you wake up I'm taking you on a proper date. We'll do whatever you want alright?" Yoongi says though he doesn't realize you've already fallen asleep. He looks down at your peaceful face and smiles to himself as he dozes off with his arms wrapped around you. Who would have thought his pops was right about you two being right for each other after all.

***

Part 10/10

Tagged Users: @schokoshaker @tarahardcore @scuzmunkie @yoongiigolden @atomickoala @shesaysweirdthings

#bts #min yoongi #bts suga #werewolf au #werewolf bts #yoongi x reader #plus sized yn #Inspiring Romance

78 notes · View notes

darklovecat · 1 year

Note

other glow up tips?

My Experience with Lasik Eye Surgery (Trans-PRK).

Investing in laser eye surgery was one of my most important parts of my physical glow up. My eyes are my best features, they're pretty, big round, dark brown, but didn't exactly work (5 dioptries). Either way, you couldn't tell because they were either hidden behind a frame of glasses, blodshot and half-closed due to lenses, or covered by extremely unnatural looking bright blue color contacts (God please forgive me). I ditched them all, got them lasered and look and feel 100% better.

Lenses.

I hate them. All the times I dropped and lost them, all the times my eyes would turn watery the moment I put them on, and the one time it got stuck in my eye and I couldn't find it and almost had a panic attack. This is my own experience, I'm not an ophthalmologist, so take this with a grain of salt (or two) and do your own research please. I'm here to share my own personal experience. My eyes used to start tearing like crazy just with soft breezes of wind and at times it was hard to keep my eyes open even though I followed all instructions. Lenses made my eyes look hooded as well and after getting my eyes lasered they don't have that droopy look, my eye area looks so much more open and awake now. I hated the discomfort, the redness, the sensitivity, having to put them on, having to put them out, having them. There could be a million explanations for these but it was just easier for me to get my eyes lasered and call it a day.

The surgery.

You put on your surgical gown and a hair cap, you lay down, they give you local anesthesia so you can't feel any pain in your eye. Laser beam for 10 seconds (felt more like 10 minutes). The surgery itself does not feel painful, just extremely uncomfortable, you can't close or move your eyes for 10 seconds, my surgeon counted back from 10 but I swear it felt like an eternity. I cried while they were lasering my eyes because I always do and I kept pinching myself and shaking my legs because I felt very nervous and was probably PMSing, but there is no actual pain, just intense discomfort and pressure, the actual pain only comes after the anesthesia wears off after a few hours, I would say it is a 7.5/10, you wear black goggles for 2 weeks, your eyes sting like crazy, it's like having dry eyes 24/7 for 2 weeks. And then 2 weeks later you wake up and your eyes actually work (miracle). I remember taking them off for the first time after weeks and being absolutely shocked about how well I could see (and at how terrible my eyebrows looked).

1 year later...

I wake up, I have 10/10 vision, and I love it. I feel like I can see better now than ever, I don't have to deal with eye sensitivities due to lenses, or worry about accidentally sitting on my glasses, I feel prettier too. There's another thing that feels very hard for me to describe, but I feel like I am directly living in the world, I feel more in touch with the world, my lenses and glasses always felt like a barrier. After your surgery, you need to wear sunglasses for 6 months. Not an issue, you should protect your eyes in any case and protecting them from the sun's UV rays has always been essential for me regardless. They need to be big especially on the sides so your eyes are protected.

To sum it up, here are my tips:

Go to a very reputable doctor at a specialized eye clinic. My doctor had 25 years of experience and over 50 000 cases.

Take all the medications that you are prescribed post-surgery and follow all instructions, focus on healing after your surgery.

Invest in a pair of high-quality UV blocking sunglasses. No, that chewed up pair from H&M you got 2 years ago won't cut it.

Reduce screen time, blue light blocking filters are your best friend. Make sure you have a support person.

You need to go to a highly reputable place obviously, you can't cheap out unless you have another pair of eyes, your doctor needs to be very experienced and good at what he does, use what resources you have to read up on your doc and his work, his ratings should be very high and of people who are happy with their results. My mom, my aunt, my grandpa all got LASIC eye surgery 20 years ago so naturally, I followed in their eye steps because they were all happy with their results. You need a support person, my parents were right with me during and after the surgery, my mom picked out the hospital and doctor for me and I could not go out of bed for 2 weeks so make sure you have some good podcasts ready and take at least 2 weeks off.

Feel free to message me or drop an ask if you have any questions.

10 notes · View notes

unethicalexperiments · 1 year

Text

idk how to really start this but like. my mental state is just so exhausting like im so tired of it. theres no reason i should be this volatile theres no reason i should react to situations the way i do. just last night i had a weird (not even that bad) interaction with a stranger and it pissed me off so much i tried to kill myself. i wasn't sad or embarrassed i was just so furious over it, because it was a 10 second interaction and i couldn't explain myself to the other person, and i was just so fucking angry i was ready to physically hurt the other person over it well after i walked away. and then once i got home i was so upset that i got that unreasonably angry over a nothing interaction. and its not like i even got angry while i was still with the other person! it wasnt until after i walked away! there were only two thoughts circling in my mind for about 30-60 minutes after (idk im so bad at keeping track of time) that were just "why do i react to things like this" and "i just want it to stop hurting" bc thats the worst of it it just hurts so much. i swear im in physical pain after having breakdowns like that i feel hollow in my chest and obviously i dont have to say anything else about how much it emotionally hurts. i just want it to stop hurting. is that really too much to ask for? to not be in so much pain for just a little while? i guess i still havent come to terms with the fact that im disabled, because i still think of being disabled as someone who uses aids, even though i know invisible disabilities are a thing. i dont see other peoples invisible disabilities as being invalid, just really my own, because i still feel like im high enough functioning that i shouldnt consider myself disabled. i dont use mobility aids yet i dont take pain medication yet so therefore the literal brain damage i have isnt bad enough, im still fine. i kind of got off track but thats also part of it i guess. another thing that really gets me is the fact that i actually do have bpd, i was diagnosed by an actual doctor at 17 and its still a more than valid diagnosis. i feel like im in this constant cycle of "i have to get better because i cant keep living like this" and "i have to get worse so everyone else can see what theyve done to me". like last night i literally had to sit down and reread the dsm chapter on bpd to remind myself this is why youre like this. you do have this diagnosis its real and it is a problem. my 30 minute episodes of actively trying to kill myself to be followed by watching tv or something and laughing as if none of that happened. i still cant fathom not living like this, not having to go through this every fucking day. and then on the other hand i had a great interaction today at my job that made me feel really good about what i do and proving the work that i do is actually helping the community around me. and i felt on top of the world for like an hour, i felt great! and then another thing at work happened where i proved myself/my team to be right about something! which was also great! and i got another half hour of happiness. and then i get home and im reminded of how alone i am, how i really have no one to do or share anything with anymore. which is partially my fault and partially not! im not gonna act like im the most pleasant person to be around or that im easy to deal with, but fuck, man, i try. and it always feels like no one else is trying. i cut my own hair for the first time a few weeks ago; it came out great! and had no one to tell about it.

and now im just staring at a wall over all of it. none of the bad stuff happened none of the good stuff happened. im gonna get violently angry later and im gonna be nearly euphoric later, its just another day. and i want to change i want to change my lifestyle so bad but how can i do that without any help. i spent years of my life begging for other people to help me and got ignored, which resulted in my disability. i tried so hard to fix it on my own but i couldnt! im not a doctor! and now ill never be because i couldnt finish my pre-med classes because of my disability! i feel like im constantly screaming at the top of my lungs and waving red flags shouting please for the love of god someone help me every day and every day nothing changes. they say you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped, but has anyone actually tried helping people before? youre telling me you cant problem solve? you cant find a different road to a solution, just because we cant take the easiest one? im sorry that its not easy for everyone else to help me, but how does anyone else think i feel?

but whatever. im fine now. i relived every emotion i went through while writing all that but im fine now. now that its all out there its all out there, out of my system. i dont care anymore. because it didnt matter. because it doesnt matter. none of it matters. it happened and its gonna happen again. ill go through these cycles again tomorrow and the next day and the next week and the next month and the next year and so on. it is what it is i guess. but does it really have to be.

#talking to myself #content warning for like. borderline personality disorder. i guess.#this is just a wall of text bc i wont go back to therapy no one feel obligated to open or read this

2 notes · View notes

bookwyrminspiration · 1 year

Text

Response to an ask from Ophelia:

Ophelia! Hello! I'm so glad to see you and my response got long, so it's under the cut! (There are also stellarlune spoilers under the cut)

No need to apologize at all! I don't mind the times between talking and completely understand the social energy thing. I missed hearing from you as well, so yes! Let's commence with the talking!

I'm truly sorry about your sibling; it absolutely sucks that you have to deal with them and listen to the things they say. You can absolutely ask for my thoughts, and my opinion on the matter is that you are absolutely not required to disclose any information to them. They're not entitled to it, it's not their diagnosis. The unfair thing would be you being expected to shoulder this burden of trying to "fix" them and make them change their mind. It's not your responsibility, it's your parents' responsibility to be a parent and correct their behavior.

You do not need to tell anyone you don't want to, that's for you to chose who you want to disclose it to. Not your parents. It also sounds like disclosing that information is something that would put you directly in the line of fire, and if that's not something you want or are prepared to handle, then you do not have to do it. Your parents didn't tell your sibling about their own diagnosis (that was also un-diagnosed if I'm remembering right), so you could even say it's hypocritical for them to expect you to share your own.

That's how I see it, at least. You don't want to, then don't! It's your diagnosis.

And yes! I finished Stellarlune! My final thoughts so far are that I'm going to need to process this book for a hot minute. There were some elements I expected--I've talked about the "friends shocked and surprised and uncomfortable with storehouse fire" thing before along with the "sophie being more separate and reckless" aspect.

I think what it really comes down to is that, for me, there was a lot that felt out of left-field. Like these conclusions and culminations of things from the series were not at all what I was expecting and so it threw me off. Like Elysian being a person in a place that turns out to be super important to the whole entire series they spend so much time focusing on? I didn't feel like there was enough leading into that in previous books for that to really hit me the way Shannon probably wanted it to.

instead I was like...how, exactly, did we get here?? I noticed that especially as well with "stellarlune" as a concept. It was super important in this book and like the whole focus, but the whole time I was still trying to figure out what it was. Like what are we actually talking about right now that's so crucial? Same with the whole power source thing; it felt like it was explained once and then we were supposed to just accept and rely on that for the rest of the book, which left me a little confused.

So I'm really curious to read through the series whenever I do my next reread with the information I have now and see if things line up in a way that makes it click better in my head.

That's not to say I didn't have fun reading it, because I definitely did! Absolutely loved the connection to Biana's hair combs that'd been mentioned of her getting them from Cyrah's shops so many books ago, love when things tie together like that :).

Jensi! Yeah, he made a brief return, though it looks like he may have more importance in the next book as well. I wasn't sure how it would happen, but I 100% expected that part. I've talked about it before so I won't go into detail (unless you want me to!), but it was nice to have him around. I think I know what his role in the story will be, so I'm curious to watch it play out

Whether or not the book ends up being a Lodestar in terms of its memorability I think depends on if you're looking at plot or characters! In terms of plot, I could definitely see that. It feels like a transition to the big final thing of book 10 (and possibly book 11), so it doesn't feel like it has it's own concrete arc aside from moving the story to where it needs to be.

But...if you're an avid sokeefe fan (i'm not really a ship person), then I don't think you're forgetting this book anytime soon. I won't get into that here because that can be it's own post, but I think this book will be dear to many readers for a certain chapter and that chapter alone.

And I did enjoy the event! I love learning behind the scenes information about the series, so it's super fun to attend. Since it's virtual, it's a relatively easy thing to do energy wise, and then I can make notes of everything and share it all. One downside is I don't get to ask Shannon any questions and have to wait for my book to be shipped, but otherwise 10/10 love it.

I've missed speaking to you, too! It's not at all creepy to say, it's normal :). Was thinking about you recently since I was compiling that playlist I sent you, so it's lovely to hear from you! And yes, you can refer to me as a friend! We are friends!

As for twilight, I think one of my favorite things to look at is the plot itself. There are certain characters I adore (Emmett and Alice), and worldbuilding things that fascinate me (Alice's ability, the Volturi's history), but at the end of the day the delightful absurdity of the plot just does it for me! I'm not 100% sure why, but the plot just has something about it I can't look away from. Love thinking about it, talking about it, laughing about it, analyzing it, etc.

Then for my name, you nailed it! It's not too personal and not too many questions at all. I've engaged with Sander Sides a fair amount in the past and always watch a new episode when it comes out (you know, every three years or so /j), and I am 99% confident that I did, in fact, steal the name from Thomas' friend Quil. I say 99% because I can't actually remember when I did that or why, but like. Timelines match up and that was my introduction to the name, so I'm pretty certain that's where it came from. My partner actually also stole a name from the Sanders universes, so we've got that in common :)

Don't worry, you're not annoying me at all! Sometimes hyper-brain just wants to ramble, and you're more than welcome to talk in my inbox at any time! And hell yeah cake recipes!! I don't actually remember the last time I had cake now that I think about it. I should make one.

OH, that reminds me I should make another keeper recipe to celebrate stellarlune! Emotionally, I'm making some sort of sugar atrocity from keeper with you :)

#quil's queries #ophelia nonsie #colored text #stellarlune spoilers #ophelia in my askbox 1000 injuries healed and 10000 people revived :)#it's so nice to talk to you!!

3 notes · View notes

pbandjesse · 2 years

Text

My allergies are going crazy tonight. It started like an hour ago and I hate it. My nose actually hurts! Stupid and I hate it.

Today was a long day. I wish I took a nap. I think I would feel better now. Maybe. It wasn't a bad day at all though. Mostly it was good!

But I did not sleep great last night. I couldn't fall asleep. And having to wake up at 7 was very hard.

But I got up and got dressed. My hair needed to be washed and all my curls had fallen and so it was a hair clip kind of day. I would wash it tonight. But I still felt cute.

James made the bed for us and we grabbed our stuff and we drove to work.

It was a slower day. James got me breakfast. And we started setting up my table. They helped me get my wagon from the break room and I went to set everything up while they went to do their job at the desk. They would come back out to get pastries with me. But in the mean time I had some embroidery to do!

I made another chicken. After showing a few people today I think I'm going to try to make a few embroidery pieces to sell. I timed myself and it took me about an hour and a half to make a chicken so that was cool. The bear I made last night was not good but I think that was more a planning issue. I am excited for a new idea.

It was a slow morning though. I helped one of the community interest tables set up. They were for the Irvine nature center. And the woman there was so nice! She actually told me I should apply to work with her. She was like I'm not trying to poach you away from the BMI but like. Maybe?? So I might look into that for the fall.

I tried not to fall into the panic spiral I always fall into with selling my art. I made my first sale at 9:16. And then did not make another sale for over 2 hours. It was very hard not to fall apart. Like I had all my new stuff and while people were looking, and we had a lot of families with little kids come through, people weren't buying.

Deborah, the new girl at the museum, said she was going to come out and buy some so I was holding onto that. That at least I would make two sales.

But I started to get a little sad. I had bought a candle for Jess for her birthday. And so I was like. I have technically made $5. And felt really low.

But then almost immediately I sold a print. So I started to feel better. Then I sold a bear. And I felt excited so I bought the strawberries I had planned to get. And then another bear! Then one at half price to a child. It's the white one that was so small I decided it could be $10 and a little girl bought him so I am happy they went to a good home.

I had some nice chats with people. Returned a lost phone. Enjoyed a poptart. The day was beautiful and I was in a great mood.

Deborah did come out and she ended up buying 4 prints!! I was so grateful so I gave her a coworker discount.

So I'm the end I made more then the minimum I set as a goal. And I felt great. But I was also tired and ready to go home.

I would wait until everyone was packed up. Since Ann had gone home, I wanted to make sure I was doing a good job. I packed up my table and me and Stanley got the cart for the market inside. I watched the desk for James for a few minutes. And stood by the water while I waited for the last couple venders to pack up. There wasn't anything else I needed to do.

I would sit in the car for a minute. And then I was off. I was happy to go home.

When I got back here, with my three quarts of strawberries, and the stuffed bear I decided I had to keep, I was tired but determined to do some stuff.

I put some stuff away. And opened the mail. The underwear I ordered came. I was feeling good.

I got to work on my jam. I mixed a few different recipes and it was fun to cut the strawberries. Eating a few as I go. I love when fruit is still a little warm. It's great. It would take most of an hour to cook them down with the sugar and pectin but I think this batch came out so much better then last year's!! It actually seemed to stiffen up and I'm super pleased with the little taste I had.

While I was cooking that I also made a hotdog and watched a video. And it was just a really nice afternoon.

I played Stardew for a little. And then James was home. They helped me clean Frenchy's tank. And they would make us a dinner of what they called a Mexican inspired pizza. Which was a pizza made on a tortilla with spicy potatoes. It was weird but good!

I painted my nails. Messed up my toes. James would redo them for me because they are the best and I love them.

And then we worked on my farm for a bit. I got a meteor which was cool. Neither of us have seen that before. And soon we started working on the Lego guitar I got for us to build.

We didn't get a ton done because I was a little overtired. So after finishing the one bag of parts we cuddled on the couch and watched tiktoks. It was nice.

I got a shower and washed my hair and now we are in bed. I'm a little dehydrated and my allergies are calming down. But I am for sure ready to have the next two days to myself. I hope you all have a nice night. And a fun day tomorrow.

Goodnight everyone.

2 notes · View notes

outsidism · 9 months

Text

Drowning

Okay, so, I'm writing this right now because I want to fight the fear of writing that I've been feeling for the past few hours, and it of course happens because I wanted to write today, about everything that has been going on in my mind. It is actually kinda funny that even my system of brushing off thoughts is broken.

So, with that out of the way lets see what's actually going on: Well, turns out, Iranians arent considered human beings, not in Iran, for obvious reasons, and not even outside of Iran. To be honest, I actually knew that it's not possible for Iranians to make Google developer account, or Steam developer account, or any other developer account, but I kinda had this hope that it won't be much of a problem if I had an intermediary make the account, but after seeing one of our clients account closed, I started to have this feeling of disappointment, like the reality started to kick in, you know, like it has many times before.

A few months ago my boss told me that if I still wanna work for them, I have to go to the office, he no longer accepts remote work, and that it was because there were too many bugs in the last project and that I work better when I'm at the office. He also said that it's better for me, that it's not good for me to stay for too long at home, well of course I knew that it was fucking bullshit, that no one gives a flying fuck about me specially not him, but then, a few days ago, Niloufar mentioned something like they helped me get out of the house so that I can "blossom", it might be just a coincidence but you know, it feels kinda degrading that they want to "fix" me, like they care about me so much that they wanna do things for me, we both know that it's just bullshit.

For a little more than two months now, since I started to go to the office, I've been feeling very bad, my throat and coffings have got worse, food and specially fast food don't taste as good, cigarettes don't feel the same and worst of all, I feel more fatigued than before, like I get tired for going out of the house for 10 minutes. A week or two before that I got a cold, and I don't know what it was but it fucked me bad, it took me two weeks to start feeling better, and when I did, I think there is still some of it in me, it might be one of the reasons I've had all those symptoms I mentioned earlier, I'm not sure though. So with all the things I mentioned, and also other unhealed wounds I carry you must have a pretty good idea how much of a fucking hell it is going to work.

I've had some very bad days since I've been going to work, I genuinely feel I can't do it, I mean, it takes lots of energy to just get there, let alone having to shower often, take care of your hair and skin, have nice clothes etc, to most people they're just basic stuff that you just do, but in reality, at least in my life, they are the stuff that I have to do in order to earn money, and for the amount I earn, it sure as hell is not worth it. I've been thinking of options but I didn't come up with any good solutions and I sure as hell need one because eventually I have to leave my parents house, I mean it already is awkward, they already say things and to be honest, I do need my own place, I'm sick and tired of all people.

So I asked Zeit to make a Google developer account for me and use his bank account and send me the money through crypto, of course, after he took his cut, but honestly I'm not sure if it works out, there are lots of complications, and there still are risks of getting banned from Google Play, but, I've thought about it a lot, I don't really see any other way, of course there isn't even guarantee that I will make money, hell it's not even that likely, it's a complicated process and I don't know nothing and no one, but still, this is what I want to do, I think that's what I want to do with my life, having a little game studio doesn't sound bad, I like the sound of that so, I'm probably gonna just do it and see what happens, I mean, I say I wanna do things a alot and I never do but, eventually, I guess I have to do something, otherwise some of those nightmares about my future are gonna be reality.

I didn't really get into details in this post, I didn't talk about my new beliefs and concerns and interpretations, I really liked to but, I don't even feel I have energy to do that, it's like my whole life has become more shallow, but after 8 months of not writing, I'd say it's already an accomplishment. I hope I will write more in future.

#thoughts #spilled ink #personal #life #my writing #journal #personal journey

0 notes

behindbrowneyezz · 9 months

Text

It's funny how time changes things isnt it? One minute you're super close to everyone around you, you're busy with work, extra activies, extra chores, maybe you try to sleep in an extra few days that month...then before you know so many things have changed. I feel bad that tomorrow is Indys birthday tomorrow and no one is really trying to hang out. I just feel like over the last year shes done nothing but expect us all to do what SHE wants...now everyone's tired and dont want to go and spend a ton of money on a night out when we can be at home doing the same for not even half the price. I love her, but life is hard as it is. WHY can't she be a better friend to us all? I'll never get it. Weve all been so nice to her as well and i think she just MUST have control, but the thing is we all just want to be able to be ourselves. I feel bad, i feel like Sarah is always going to break down and do what she wants...even Fernando. Im pretty sure that's why she gets upset with me, because the second i feel like youre trying to be in control of me..or make me feel less then, i just wont come around. Its actually that simple for me. I have such a hard time being around most women that are older then me. I also feel like mr. dub is literally constantly lying to me. I cant stand it. Ive never met someone so exhausting to be around besides my own blood relatives. i suppose that's used to draw me to him. I used to love how much he reminds me of my father. ..now all it does is stress me out. Its a drag actually. Looking back im not even sure why i clinged on so tight, besides the fact that he truly reminds me of my dad. the devil. I hope one day i can forgive them both for all the pain they have caused me over the years. It's even more exhausting to constantly relive through all that pain. I think my dad used to be one hell of a man. He was full of courage, love, and excitement. He hated people but he would give the shirt off his back if he felt like he should. Sometimes i wonder what really happened in his head in 2010...what made him so unhappy all of a sudden...was it really his marriage to Angela? Was it money? Did he really hate all of us at home all the time? or did he hate the fact that we weren't home enough? I wish he wouldn't of shoved me away so much. Some days its hard to love myself because i wonder why he raised me to be someone he was going to hate for the rest of his life. Its funny too, considering he never can go a week without talking his mommy. Yet, he expects his own children to be able to live a life without him, any guidance, etc. I wish i didn't hate him, I wish i could just forget about him completely. Anyway, more on that later...

Also, why the fuck are men so God damn gross?! AND fucking just pathetic most days. I truly dont get it. NO one wants to see you little dick, no one wants to hear about your stupid fantasies, no one gives a fuck about what you look like without a shirt and pants on. I mean good grief....The amount of guys that grossly still hit me up from high school...talking about 'wow i would love to see you, ya know i had a big crush on you back then' like yea yea yea sure sure sure...baby go get off somewhere else and leave me alone. I find it sad. Maybe guys really do have that hard of a time to find someone that they can sleep with on the regular...but truthfully they shouldnt be hitting people up from 10 years ago because they are horny. Its disgusting and sad. SO SO sad. Yall need Jesus. Well thats all for now, im going to go shower and maybe cut my babies hair. <3

you're loved, you dont need your dad or any other man for that matter to tell you otherwise. IM sorry people have always let you down, maybe one day when youre gone, they will actually miss you. stay strong, keep smiling, and for the love of God, finish the lost boy tonight.

XO, Ashh

0 notes

sparklingchim · 2 years

Text

long way home 05 | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader

word count: 1.1k

rating: pg

genre: dilf!jungkook, friends to lovers, angst

warnings: making out, poor girl oc hears them making out

summary: the one where you think calling jungkook will make you stop missing him but it actually worsens the ache in your heart.

a/n: a little flashback cos...i love flashbacks

chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08| 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |

masterlist | long way home masterlist

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

[2 years ago]

"Are you crying?"

Your brows draw together at the sound of sniffling when Jungkook picked up the phone.

"No, I just cut onions and haven't recovered from that yet."

You roll your eyes. "What the hell made you cook? The kitchen is a dangerous zone for you. You should get out of there."

"Sora and I have date night today and I volunteered to cook. And, by the way, so far everything went smoothly so keep your hate to yourself."

Of course the only time Jungkook is cooking it's for a date night with Sora.

" 'm not hating, just concerned for your well-being." You lean against your couch, staring up at the ceiling. "What are you cooking?"

"Sora's favourite dish," he mumbles distractedly, a loud fizzing noise rings in the background.

Very enlightening, you think. Of course you know what Sora's favourite dish is, why not?

"So why did you call?"

You sigh, averting your gaze to the commercial that plays on the television.

"Just to check in and see if you're alive. I haven't seen you for like, a week?"

This is actually concerning, as you're used to seeing him everyday. You noticed how he cancelled your meet ups more often up till the point where you hadn't seen each other for a week straight. You had stopped asking too - one, because you have a boyfriend with whom you can spend your time and two, because having Jungkook constantly cancel your plans doesn't go unaffected.

"Has it been that long already?"

"Yeah, now tell me, what have you been up to." You twirl a strand of hair between your fingers, waiting for his answer.

"Just...I've been busy," he explains.

"Busy burning down the kitchen?"

"Hey, that hasn't happened yet. I'm actually a good chef, believe it or not."

You don't because you still remember that one time when Jungkook almost set the kitchen on fire because of some popcorn he wanted to make.

"So busy that you can't stop by at the coffee shop for your morning coffee?" you inquire.

"Well...Sora thinks the cute coffee shop around the corner tastes better so she insists on going there every morning."

You gasp, feigning shock. "You're getting your coffee from the competitors?!"

"It's not my fault! She swears it tastes a hundred times better there so I'll just go with it."

You're not surprised that Sora has a weird taste.

"You're a traitor," you huff.

"Though I have to admit that their cookies doesn't taste as good as your cookies," Jungkook says.

"We have the best in town," you claim. "But hey, I really miss seeing you in the mornings tho. You know how sad I feel every time I have to buy a cookie for myself?"

Jungkook chuckles. "You want me to stop by tomorrow? I'll buy you a cookie for everyday I wasn't there."

"Deal." After pondering about his offer you say, "Actually, don't. I don't want to end up with my tummy hurting again."

"I mean, you could also just not eat them all at once, but okay, then I'll just buy one."

You hear Jungkook walking around, he probably put the phone on the counter and on speaker. You missed talking to him so much.

You part your lips to say something, but get cut off by someone else speaking.

"Jungkook, baby, how much longer will it take?" It's Sora's voice.

"Babe, I told you not to enter the kitchen! It's supposed to be a surprise."

"But Kookie, I'm hungry."

You almost roll your eyes. She has never used that nickname before but after hearing you call him that she suddenly couldn't go five minutes without calling him Kookie.

"Fifteen minutes and then I'm done here, okay?"

"Give me a kiss?" You hear light steps coming closer. And then you hear Jungkook and Sora kiss but it doesn't just end at that. You hear their mouths languidly moving against each other, how the kiss turns into a sloppy make out session and how little sighs fill the room.

Your heart drops and you bite your lip to stop yourself from screaming an insult into your phone to remind Jungkook that you're still there.

"B-babe," you hear Jungkook muttering and Sora giggling against his mouth.

The kissing sounds stop. "Who were you talking with, by the way?"

"Y/n called. I'm actually on the phone with her," he answers quietly, but his phone still picks it up just like it picked up all the other noises.

"Oh, I- I didn't know. Oops."

"It's fine."

No it's not fine, you want to say.

A few seconds later it's silent. You only hear the food bubbling and fizzing.

Jungkook clears his throat. "Y/n?"

"I'm still here."

"Sora came in and - did you hear something?"

"No just...you talked and then it went silent," you lie.

"Okay, good. So about - "

"Gguk, I think I gotta hang up. Minjun and I wanted to have a movie night so...you know. Gotta prepare some snacks."

"Oh okay...Have fun you two!"

"Thanks, uh, you two as well. I hope you didn't mess up the food."

"You could have a dish by Gordon Ramsay next to mine and you wouldn't be able to tell which is his."

You giggle, though it's sounds a bit strained to your ears. "I hope this will also apply to the taste of it."

"You're underestimating me, baby." You can hear the grin plastered on his face as the words leave his mouth. You have to gulp because - baby. You shouldn't be feeling tingles down your spine at a nickname he has called you his whole life with. "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Bye!"

As soon as you hang up you throw your head back on the couch. You feel...empty. Which is not how you thought you'd be feeling after hearing Jungkook's voice after a week again. You didn't stop missing him either. At least he's visiting the coffee shop tomorrow morning.

"Y/n," Minjun says behind you.

You jump, not expecting him in the living room. He was taking a shower and you didn't hear how he turned off the water.

"Who were you talking with?" he asks, walking to you to sit next to you, his hair still wet.

"Just...Seulgi," you lie. Minjun is a little jealous of your close friendship with Jungkook and because you don't want to put up with his annoying mood that he gets into when he's jealous, you decide that you're better off with lying.

He throws an arm around you, pulling you closer to him. He smells nice.

"Did you pick out a movie yet?"

"You can pick one out. Lemme get us some snacks first." You peck his cheek and want to stand up but he grabs your wrist, turning your head to him to give you a proper kiss on the lips.

It's a kiss. With your boyfriend. And yet you don't feel nearly as many tingles running down your spine as when Jungkook called you a stupid little nickname that has no deep meaning whatsoever.

#jeon jungkook #jungkook fic #dilf jungkook #bts fanfic #jungkook x reader #bts x reader #jungkook #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #bts scenario #jungkook fanfic #jungkook f2l #single dad jungkook

2K notes · View notes

thesolferino · 3 years

Text

Favor

⤷ dream x f!reader.

⤷ genre: angst, fluff

⤷ word count: 8.4k

⤷ requested: yes, by this lovely anon!

— summary: dream asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend for a day. things only seem to go downhill from there.

It started as a favor.

On a quiet night in your apartment when you stared at your phone for way longer than your eyes could physically take and rolled around on the bed, talking to one of your best internet friends, Dream, he asked you for a favor. His voice was muffled through the mic on his phone, the one connected to his computer way cleaner, but neither of you could bother getting off FaceTime and call on Discord instead - yet you still heard him loud and clear, because you burst out laughing right after.

“What the hell did you just say?” you laughed, turning on your stomach and opening the call, now entirely focused on the timer that counted every second you spent talking to him instead of your Twitter timeline.

“It’s embarrassing, don’t make me repeat it!” And for that sole reason, you wanted him to repeat it, loud and clear.

“Is this why you were so insistent on me coming down to Florida? So I could pretend to be your girlfriend at your cousin’s wedding so your family doesn’t think you’re a loser?” you laughed, finding the situation entirely absurd as he sputtered, words mashing together, trying to defend himself.

“No! No, I wanted you to come here because we’re friends and I-I wanna meet you, this is just a… benefit, of sorts.” he replied, and you couldn’t help but laugh even harder at his poor attempt of trying to save face.

“Alright, I’ll bite.” you chuckle. “What’s in it for me?”

“Whatever you want.” he responded, much too quick. Your eyebrows raised.

“Whatever I want?” you parroted.

“Yes.” he confirmed. “I’ll buy you something, if you want; I’ll even pay you-”

“Pay me?! I’m not a whore, Dream!”

“That is not AT ALL what I was saying!” he cut in, yelling as you burst into a new fit of laughter. “It’s just… I sort of already told them I have a girlfriend and I was just hoping you’d say yes ‘cause it’s gonna be very awkward if I show up without the girlfriend in question.”

You put your head in your hands and he sort of dryly laughed at himself when he heard your palm hit your forehead. “What is wrong with you, man?”

“Listen, it’s not gonna be so bad! Just stay by my side for a bit, look pretty, we’ll get some drinks, and then dip. That’s it, I promise.” he reasoned.

“And here I thought we were gonna make out in front of everyone. What’s a fake relationship if we don’t make a show out of it?” you sarcastically snickered, and could practically see his eyeroll from miles away.

“If that’s what you want, then we’ll do it, by all means.” he replied and you laughed, shaking your head in mild disbelief.

“Alright, well, if you already told them, I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” you huffed, pretending to be way more bummed out about it than you really were. “I’ll do it.”

“Thank you so much, oh my God.” he replied and you chuckled at the sheer relief in his voice.

A few seconds of silence pass. “What’s the catch?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“How do you want me to publicly embarrass myself in exchange for this favor?”

“Personally, I think that forcing you to tweet that tweet about pissing yourself in bed again and also tweeting that everyone should subscribe to me isn’t “publicly embarrassing” at all.”

“Maybe I should’ve picked a different fake girlfriend.”

“Sucks to suck, pissbaby.”

The weeks leading up to your meetup felt like years, with every treacherous minute of you two talking over muffled mics and shitty webcams feeling longer than it should, your empty apartment feeling emptier and emptier by the day. Was it even possible to miss a person you hadn’t even met yet?

It turns out that it very much was, because as soon as the painfully long weeks were up and you were finally metres away from him, you jumped in his arms like a woman finally seeing her soldier husband after the war, standing on your tiptoes while he bent down the best he could to hug you back. His chest rumbled with a warm laugh when you turned your head ever so slightly towards his ear.

“Hello, boyfriend.” And just like that, the warm turned into a groan of faux annoyance while you burst into laughter and he pulled away, scanning your face with an equally annoyed look.

“I should’ve never asked you for that. You’re never letting it go, are you?” Yeah, you were kind of annoying with the amount of corny boyfriend jokes you threw his way - you had to give him that. But then again, he crafted his own fate and now he must accept the consequences.

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realise your majesty wasn’t appreciating the work I’m doing! I just won’t show up at that wedding, how about that?” you bit back, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“You’re such an idiot.” he laughed. “Give me those bags.”

A blissful week had passed, and he hadn’t pissed you off in real life nearly as much as you thought he would. It took a bit of getting used to to his family calling him Clay instead of his beloved internet username, and you did get a couple of suggestive looks from his mother the first few times she visited - you had a couple of “eye conversations” in which she never exactly asked if you were his girlfriend, and you never exactly denied it, but you knew both of you felt the weight of the unspoken words yet you had to keep everything secret and ambiguous. Or at least you thought you did, before he revealed to you that he told his mom the two of you were dating already. Seems like the glances were knowing and not questioning. Maybe you weren’t as good at eye conversation as previously thought.

Living with him was fine, mostly because he had godly air conditioning and a house that was probably way too big for him, and also a very cute cat that followed you everywhere and made living with a man for a full two weeks way more bearable. Finding out that he can’t cook was one of the most bizarre revelations about him that you’d had in the years of your friendship, and you demanded he watched as you made chicken wraps. You complained about how he was 21 and couldn’t cook for himself, he complained about how it’s 2021 and he can just order from Chipotle or something, dude.

A week of goofing around and trying to hide the fact the two of you temporarily lived together from the internet had passed quicker than it should’ve, and for the first time in seven days, Netflix was turned off and the two of you were dressing up for the wedding, ready to set off with his parents and younger sister. He spent ages trying to convince you to match with him, which was quite literally impossible because he wore a black suit and you brought a red dress, which resulted in the two of you roaming around a local mall at 10 am, half asleep, looking for a reasonably formal black dress, because of course Dream always got his way.

An hour of arguing and your fashion tastes clashing later, you picked an off shoulder black dress with a high slit, along with a pair of pumps, both of which you forced him to pay for, and went back home, ready to glam both of you up as much as humanly possible because you were not ready to let him show up in some horrendous pair of shoes and claim to be your boyfriend.

“Is this okay?” you questioned, turning from the mirror to face him and let him be the judge of your shimmery black and white eyelids, spending way too much time on a makeup look for a wedding of someone whose name you didn’t even know. He blinked at you as his judging gaze washed over you like a wave, scanning you up and down while you nervously cocked your head, leg tapping in faux impatient annoyance to cover up the fact that you felt like prey under his eyes.

“It’s… yeah, it is. You look good.” Dream confirmed, nodding his head at you in a movement that was way too quick and snappy and you turn back to the mirror with a huff, watching him stare right back at you.

“Too much, right? I should try something else.” You say, grabbing your makeup remover wipes, but he cuts in before you can even wipe a single smudge.

“No, no, it looks good, I promise. Really good. Don’t touch it.” Something way too sincere in his voice makes the air tense, more tense than usual, but you drop it, deciding to just take the compliment with a tight lipped smile.

“Okay. You ready?” you ask, and he nods, nervously straightening out his suit before looking back at you with an anxious grin.

“Yeah, I think so. Do I look fine?”

He did. He looked more than fine. You’d never seen him actually dress up for something and put proper care into his looks - he was practically forced into doing it by you this time as well - so seeing him in an actual black suit, all formal and expensive looking, messy dirty blond hair properly combed for the first time in ages, made you gulp and look away. You sort of never understood the argument that women and men can’t be friends because you were never attracted to one of your male friends, ever. Dream was born to be an exception to every rule, it seemed.

Realising that you abruptly looked away, you attempted to awkwardly clear your throat and smile at him.

“Yeah, you do. Let’s go.”

During the ride there, his mother seemed to finally explode and the words that have clearly wanted to pour out of her mouth for ages finally came out. You supposed it was better for the poor woman, and did your best to suppress a laugh when Dream dramatically sighed and leaned against the window when she nosily spoke up.

“So… since when have you and Clay been together? He’s told us absolutely nothing!” She spoke up from the passenger seat, shifting to look at you, excited smile plastered on her face and you politely smiled back, mentally noting that you’d have to bully the shit out of him for acting like his mom is embarrassing him in front of his 8th grade crush.

“Ah, we’ve been friends for a long while, but we only started dating a month or so ago, because it’s hard doing long distance and all that.” you said, hoping it would sound believable enough because the two of you rehearsed this a few days ago, writing out a whole backstory from how you started dating to what exact words he used when he asked you out. There were a couple of arguments here and there, such as the fact you refused to say you confessed you’ve been in love with him for years and he refused to say he admitted he’s been your “bottom bitch” for 3 years but in the end, you somehow managed to agree on a cohesive timeline of events.

“Oh, does that mean you’re going to move here?” she questioned, and that one didn’t surprise you either, Dream having prepared a full list of answers to questions that people might ask in your notes app. He was a perfectionist to the point it got on your nerves, but that had its own perks.

“No, but I’ll definitely visit more often, and if it goes well, I might as well move here.” you smiled back at her and she nodded, going back to staring through the windshield. You and Dream exchange a relieved glance that you hope his younger sister doesn’t notice.

“Let me tell you, I was waiting for you two to get together! He always talked about you, I was getting tired of him, you know that?” she giggled and you widened your eyes at Dream who, snapping out of somewhat of a daze, immediately jumped to protest, light blush adorning his pale cheeks.

“No, I didn’t! I did not, mom, don’t lie to her.” he argued while all she did was laugh.

“Oh come on, it’s not embarrassing now that you’re together!” she kept going, and his younger sister joined in, to make it even worse.

“Yeah, you do talk about her a lot, not gonna lie.” she spoke up and his cold glare directed her way told you everything you needed to know, hanging on by a thread not to burst out laughing. He refused to even look your way, turning back to the window as his cheeks started heating up. You couldn’t help but let out at least a bit of a giggle, placing your hand on his arm in fake comfort.

“It’s okay, you can admit it now.” your tone borderlined on mocking and he knew you’d make fun of him for days to come so he stayed silent while the rest of the car burst into laughter.

The wedding was truly beautifully set up, set in a hotel wedding venue, walls painted in pure innocent white with hints of gold here and there, and you nudged Dream as the two of you observed in awe, asking what sort of money the groom had to be able to afford this sort of expensive venue. Nudging him proved to be way easier now, because you linked arms - you originally made fun of him for suggesting to walk like that instead of holding hands like normal people, telling him you’d look like you were at your high school prom, but he persisted, and you didn’t end up looking as goofy as you thought.

“He’s a doctor or something, pretty sure.” he replied, quick feet trudging down the long hallways, your own struggling to keep up with him, especially in your heels. He seemed to be in a rush to sit and get it over with as soon as possible so he could avoid any nosy family members, but bad luck followed him everywhere, it seems, because as soon as you two entered the place where the bride and groom would unite, at least three different pairs of eyes locked on you, and you immediately saw a fairly elderly woman get up with open arms, staring at Dream with a grin on her face. You saw him immediately tense up, and almost laughed right then and there.

“There’s my boy! Oh, you’ve grown so much, come here!” The woman looked to be in her fifties and Dream let go of your arm to nervously laugh and fall into her hug, the two rocking from side to side as she kept going on about how it seemed that he grew taller and taller every time she saw him.

When the two pulled away, her eyes fixed on you, judgingly scanning from head to toe and you suddenly realised why Dream tensed up the way he did - old white women sure had a way to make you anxious. Thankfully, he stepped in.

“Aunt Bessie, this is Y/N, my girlfriend. Y/N, this is aunt Bessie, my mom’s older sister.” he generously offered the explanation you were so obviously lacking and you grinned, as if that information helped you in any way, and stuck out your hand in an offer of a handshake. However, she seemed to have different plans, because as soon as she heard the words “my girlfriend” her face lit up as if she won the lottery and her lips stretched into a smile, opening her arms for you the same way she did for him.

“Oh my God, you finally got a girlfriend? Come here!” she said, shaking her head at your outstretched hand and gesturing you to return the hug which you quite hesitantly did, politely laughing as she hugged you tighter than you’d deem appropriate. Dream came from a family of huggers - that much was apparent from him, you guess, but you weren’t exactly prepared for this.

Aunt Bessie seemed to be way louder and screechier than expected, because the word “girlfriend” boomed through the room and off the snowy walls, and at least five other family members of his turned around to check who the lucky fellow that finally got a girlfriend was. Another one of his aunts seemed to notice the commotion and suddenly, another older woman with shoulder length, dyed blonde hair, along with her two younger kids, was hurling at you as well.

“I always complained to him that it was about time he got a girlfriend! He’s a fine young man, no wonder you picked him, honey.” Aunt Bessie shot you a knowing look and you closed your mouth in a tight lipped smile in a feverish attempt to keep down the laugh that threatened to escape you.

“Oh yeah, he definitely is.” you giggled, looking up at Dream again who looked like he wanted the earth below his feet to open and swallow him whole. Before you could nudge him in the ribs and tease him for hours to come, the other aunt suddenly spoke up.

“Clay! Oh my gosh, is that you?” she exclaimed, shocked grin on her face, and you briefly wondered if Dream ever even visited his family. He nervously smiled, obviously not really sure who this woman even is, but he hugged her back anyway, clearly walking the line between ‘happy to see his family’ and ‘insanely uncomfortable’.

“I haven’t seen you in so long, your dad hasn’t visited since we moved to Toronto! Look at how tall you are, you’re taller than my husband now! You used to be so tiny, whatever happened to you?” Upon hearing the word Toronto he seemed to realise who he was talking to as his eyes softened, and you wondered if he really was so expressive or you could just read him that well.

“I grew up, I guess.” He awkwardly laughed and she laughed harder than she should’ve before turning to you.

“Oh, and who is this?” She said, gaze periodically switching between him and you, a knowing smile on her face which told you she definitely knew who you were.

“Ah, this is my girlfriend, Y/N. Y/N, this is… my dad’s cousin, Mabel.” He introduced, large hand landing on your back, and you felt like you were experiencing déjà vu at the way her face lit up at the mention of a girlfriend.

“Wow, it’s so nice to meet you, Y/N!” She said, energetically shaking your hand, before turning back to Dream. “You never told us you got a girlfriend! You’re finally planning on settling down, huh?”

Your head snapped in his direction at the speed of light when she mentioned settling down, and you could see him tense up as well as he nervously laughed.

“Yeah, we haven’t visited in a while, so nobody from the family really knew. And, uh… we haven’t really thought of that yet, we’re taking it slow and everything.” He said and you were almost in awe at how good he was at bullshitting. The woman did nothing but laugh.

“Ah, don’t lie to me, I see the way you two look at each other! It’s your wedding we’ll be attending next!” She winked, and just as Dream got ready to fake laugh once again, her family called her over and she excused herself, walking off.

The two of you hurried to your seats as well, sitting down next to his younger sister.

“Your family is insane, man, holy shit.” You laughed in disbelief, staring at him as he shook his head, clearly as distressed as you were.

“Literally nobody in this family gives a single fuck if I’m single or not except the old aunties. And I seem to have a shit ton of those.” He muttered under his breath. “The way you look at each other - I literally didn’t even look at you properly that whole time!”

You cackled at that one, hitting his arm. “She’s right, Clay. You’re one fine young man, eh?” You nudged him as he groaned in embarrassment, only turning your way to glare at you.

You didn’t get to tease him for much longer, though, because the organ started playing and the bridesmaids and groomsmen lined up, the groom standing at his designated place. The bride walked in, arms locked with her father, thin white veil covering her face as she walked down the aisle, looking angelic in her puffy wedding gown. Silky brown hair fell down her shoulders, curled towards the ends, and you could see the hint of blood red lipstick beneath the veil. She looked beautiful - the groom seemed to think so as well, because you could see him tapping the corner of his eye lightly, wiping any stray tears.

She finally made it to the end and stepped to face her soon-to-be husband as her father moved away, sitting back in his chair. The wedding officiant stepped up, and held a speech much longer than it should be, which just led you to zone out.

One day you’d be beneath that veil, wouldn’t you? One day, you’ll face your fiancé the same way she is, and you’ll let your hearts link with a string that nobody but the two of you could snap. Who would that be, though? Who could you even trust with your heart in their hands? And you’re not aware of how and why and when, but your eyes shot up at Dream, whose eyes also glinted in that way where you knew he wasn’t paying attention, and maybe he was thinking about the same thing as you. Maybe one day, you’ll be attending his wedding, forcing one of your friends to play a fake boyfriend as he wipes his tears, waiting for his bride to get to him.

It was disheartening, the thought of being a bystander while he locks lips with somebody else. You supposed you just liked being the center of attention, so you let yourself pretend you were his bride in your daydreams. Separating daydreams from rational thoughts was mandatory, because you weren’t sure how you’d explain to yourself that you can’t stand seeing Dream marry someone else.

Dream, the infamous hopeless romantic, still seemed out of it, maybe even a little emotional, despite not being that close with either of the two. He was probably thinking about his own wedding as well, thinking about his future, the face he’d see when he pulled back the veil.

Just then, his eyes darted to yours, and you realised you were caught staring, snapping your head back to the couple that started reading their vows by now. You started going red from the neck up, cheeks on fire as you could feel his gaze burning into you. He turned back after a few seconds, though, probably assuming you stared at him because you were bored, and neither of you spoke, even though you kind of wish you did. What even is there to say, though?

By the time you snapped back, the “I do”s were already being said, and her veil was getting lifted, showing her beauty to everyone present, and as they kissed the whole room bursted into cheers and applause in support of the newlyweds. The two exit, teary eyed, their parents follow close behind, and that’s when Dream’s family rushes both of you to your feet, following the two into the reception hall where the actual party would take place.

From then on, the wedding is the same as any other. The two have their first dance, they give a welcoming speech, and Dream lets you stuff your face with cake and repeatedly refills your wine glass as repayment for dragging you into this whole thing. At some point, he stretches his hand out to you and asks for a dance like a rom-com main character, and you’re not sure exactly why he did that because he’s mostly terrible at dancing, but you had fun letting him twirl you until you got dizzy anyway.

You also realised just how much he did actually need a fake girlfriend, because it seemed like every twenty minutes some sort of relative of his would walk up to the two of you and congratulate him on “finally getting a girlfriend”. You ended up bullying him for that as well, wondering just how long he’s been single for if they’re all this surprised that he’s got a girlfriend, to which he just downed the glass of water he’d been sipping for half an hour and asked you about the weather.

His family took a few pictures with the new couple - you even got to speak to the bride at some point, congratulating her and wishing the two of them well, but in the span of a few hours, the wedding was over and the newlyweds made a great exit, signifying the end of the party. The two of you were driven home by his parents, and you waved them goodbye as you stumbled to the front door, your heels insanely uncomfortable and the red wine in your stomach weighing down on you; you just wanted to get out of this dress and into a pair of pajamas and pass out on his couch in the living room.

That’s sort of exactly what you did - you half-assed taking your makeup off, wiping down your face a couple of times, deciding that was enough before changing into some worn pajamas and plopping down on the couch next to Dream who already claimed his place and sunk into the cushion while a random movie played on the TV. The two of you basked in the comfortable silence that surrounded you, the exhausted, tired type. You both appreciated the quiet and fell asleep sitting next to each other, wedding already forgotten.

That night, he went from Dream to Clay.

The departure was bittersweet. You left two days after that, your hug at the airport tight, warm, filled with a sugary sweet feeling you couldn’t quite place and sour acid that ate away at you because you didn’t want to leave in the slightest. His arms were warm, inviting, whispering for you to stay but you left anyway, waving him goodbye, setting off to home.

It seemed like all your problems came and went with him, because a week later, at 3 in the morning while you were up editing a video, you got an all caps message on your Discord from Sapnap.

“YOU’RE DATING DREAM?”

You blinked at your computer screen, white letters blinding you in the dark, brain trying to keep up with why he even thought that. Within 10 seconds, another message, this time from Dream.

“so i told george and sapnap that we’re dating”

“don’t kill me pls”

Yeah, you weren’t going to kill him, per se, but he definitely made your life a lot harder than it should be. You opened Discord, Premiere Pro and the unedited video abandoned, typing back to Clay quickly.

“WHY”

He responded immediately, as one panicked man does.

“they’ve been making fun of me for being single for ages now :(“

“we already did this fake dating thing before and it went perfectly fine”

“just play along for a month or so”

“pls”

You audibly sighed. And as if he could hear you, he started typing again.

“i’ll promote you on my channel more”

“just pls do it”

“you love me, right”

Another sigh fell from your lips before you could stop it. Of course you did, because if you didn’t, there’s no way you would be playing into this. You typed back.

“fine”

He messaged back immediately.

“THANK YOU”

“LOVE YOU <333”

With a shake of your head, you mumbled “idiot” with the ghost of a smile flashing on your face, switching back to your video, opting to ignore Sapnap for a little bit. He could wait.

Fake dating seemed pretty damn easy during the first week - you thought you were killing it by sending corny tweets and staged selfies so he could screenshot them and send them to the groupchat, giggling on call about how oblivious they are and how you’re fooling them so good, both of you opting to ignore the parts where they claimed they knew the two of you were gonna get together eventually. It was fun, lighthearted, and an excuse to flirt with someone you had nothing official with.

As much as all your problems came and went with Clay, though, they came and went with his friends as well, especially that hopeless man Clay called his best friend.

Because yeah, of course Sapnap was the one to accidentally spill to the public that the two of you were “dating”.

George was streaming at what was apparently a normal time in the UK, not so much for Florida, and Clay was sleeping while you were watching his stream while making some food for yourself. It was going fine, a bit of a chill stream, and you leaned against the fridge as your oven preheated, tired eyes following his Minecraft skin.

“Sophie, thank you for the dono! ‘Hey George, I love your videos, just wanted to ask if you were speedrunning with Dream today?’” he read out, and you could faintly hear Sapnap join the stream through your headphones.

“No I’m not, Dream’s… I don’t know what Dream’s doing right now, actually. He’s not responding to me, though. Probably talking to his girlfriend still.” he continued, exaggerating the last part mockingly, still playing into the whiny role of being upset that Clay was ditching the two of them for you. That majorly woke you up, though, as you stood straight on your feet immediately, because oh no, nobody was supposed to know.

You exited out of the Twitch app quickly, letting the stream play in the background as you tried to fish for Sapnap’s profile on Discord and text him as quick as possible, trying to warn him to not let anybody know, but before you could do it, you heard his laughter clear in the stream.

“Yeah, Y/N, his sweetie poo.” Sapnap said, causing George to laugh even louder, before moving onto the next topic, and your heartbeat picked up an insane amount, nails loud and probably damaging your phone screen as you typed as quickly as humanly possible to yell at him because this was not planned, at all.

You heard him go quiet after you shot him a couple of messages over Discord (“SAPNAP” “ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID” “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU” “NOBODY KNOWS YET” “IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU”), type something to George who then fell quiet as well for a few seconds, pure horror on his face, and then went back to streaming as if nothing happened while Sapnap profusely apologised to you on his and George’s behalf.

No apology could fix what had already been done, though, and you were left alone with the warzone that was Twitter who had already speculated the two of you were dating long before while Clay peacefully slept somewhere in his house at 4 am in Florida. You bombarded him with messages and waited until he woke up ‘cause what were you even supposed to do?!

You chose to spend your time finishing the pizza you were originally supposed to make and almost burnt your whole apartment down because you forgot the oven was on for a whole hour while yelling at Clay’s idiotic best friends. You yelled at Sapnap, who kept apologising to you, you yelled at George, who yelled back that it’s not that big of a deal because people were bound to find out anyways, and you yelled at Clay, because he was the guilty one somehow for not being awake during your breakdown.

He did eventually wake up though, to the shitshow that were his notifications with at least thirty messages from each of you, messages from his other YouTube friends who were fairly surprised, and his entire fanbase going ham on Twitter. He was surprisingly calm about it - calmer than you were, anyways, and sheepishly said over the phone that the fake dating thing may have to go on for a little longer since you couldn’t just date for a month and then break up, and you were sort of okay with that.

And of course, the business side of him awoke at that moment, and he giddily told you about the amount of views the two of you could pull if you did the same shit you do with George and Sapnap anyway, but on livestream.

You rolled your eyes.

And then agreed anyway.

And so, the charade began.

His Twitter statement was up shortly, telling the people that you’d been dating for a couple of weeks and weren’t planning to tell anybody yet until a certain someone spilled their guts live, and the fact Dream was dating someone, let alone another popular streamer, took the internet by storm. You expected hate, and you got quite a bit of that, but the people that had shipped the two of you before were certainly more than delighted and a lot of Clay’s fans were supportive.

Now, both of you had excuses to do chill streams together and just hang out and you took the opportunity and ran with it.

You’d sit and play Geoguessr or just try and speedrun Minecraft a bunch of times for hours on end, doing stupid bits and things you’d be doing offline anyways, with a little more flirting than usual, because that’s what made it interesting.

“Oh this is France, for sure.” you claimed one night, two or three weeks after the secret was officially out, chewing on the fries you bought for this specific occasion, streaming on his alt to a few thousand people.

“You think so? It could be Belgium, too.” he responded, humming in thought as he looked around.

“I know so.” you responded.

“How?”

“I just do. Gamer intuition, babe.” you said, and he wheezed at your response, repeating the words gamer intuition under his breath.

“No, seriously. It is France, I know it is, I’ve seen so many pictures of that place I know it like the back of my hand now. That’s Lyon, or something.” you continued, plopping another french fry into your mouth.

“You have? Why do you know so much about France, that’s so random.” he responded, opening the map and pointing to France, although he keeps looking around, unsure of his decision.

“I dunno, I like it there. I wish I could move there.” you replied.

“Why, though?”

“It’s pretty and heavily romanticised! Just like me!” you joked and he laughed, before letting you continue. “I dunno, it’s the city of love. Be a little romantic.”

“The… the city of love is whatever city the two of us are in.” he said, and it took a few seconds for you to process the joke before letting out a fake disappointed sigh.

“I can’t believe I’m dating someone as corny as you.”

At that, he bursts into wheezes, and you follow along, enjoying the sound of his laughter coursing through your headphones more than you used to a few weeks back. It feels nice, feels right, acting like this. You like calling him your boyfriend more than you think you should.

A few weeks go by, and it feels all too natural. It feels too natural, talking to him first thing in the morning when you’ve barely even had your coffee, calling him pet names, throwing sweet words at each other publicly like they mean nothing. It feels all too natural, and nice, and all too right, and you don’t even notice when the two of you cross the line between public and private, and you’re stuck making stupid jokes about making out when you first see each other when there’s nobody to witness them except the walls of your rooms, but you don’t like thinking about that, because you know it’ll bring nothing but confusion. The current this that the two of you have is perfect to you, perfectly lighthearted and funny and fun, and you intend on keeping it that way, refusing to think about it in any way past jokes.

That is, until you can’t anymore.

It’s late, again, and you’re staring at his contact name on your phone screen, lazily lying on the bed. It reminds you of a night from roughly 3 months ago, when your whole friendship seemed to change in the few seconds it took you to process what he’d asked of you, and it feels weird, but nice.

“My mom really likes you, you know?” Clay breaks the quiet that you’ve learned to appreciate in his presence, and you exhale through your nose, the noise just short of a chuckle.

“Yeah?” You laugh, and he does as well.

“Yeah.” He reaffirms. “She thinks you’re a great girlfriend. Apparently I seem brighter ever since we got together.”

You laugh again. “I am a great girlfriend, to be fair. She’s totally right.”

“Well, I wouldn’t know that. If you’re as good of a girlfriend as you pretend to be, though, then you’re amazing.” He says, and words fly out of your mouth before you can stop them.

“Yeah? You wanna find out?” The flirty nature is nothing strange to the two of you, but this time it feels kinda different, it feels like you’re stepping into dangerous territory that there’s no coming back from. You feel like you’ve ruined everything, for some reason.

He laughs, like normal, though. He laughs like nothing happened at all, and you’re so, so grateful for that.

“Sure, let’s do it. You’re about to unpack the full Clay boyfriend experience.” He snickers and you laugh as well.

“That means I just unlock the dick as well as the personality.” you respond, quick as always, and the wheeze that escapes him is so loud that it makes you laugh too.

“...Unlock the dick…” he repeats through another wheeze and you nod, laughing.

“Yeah! I mean I’m literally experiencing the boyfriend experience without actually having a boyfriend, it’s fuckin’ great.” you say and he hums.

“You could have one, though.”

The implications are crazy, his words are crazy, he’s crazy and everything that he could mean and couldn’t mean by that is driving you crazy too, brain faltering and heart seeming way too big for your chest to contain it. It’s silent.

“I could, I guess.”

You choose to say, and he switches the topic naturally, like he never said anything.

Things are never the same again.

It’s not in a bad way. Sure, it is kind of a bad way for the feelings you’re trying to push down inside you, a bad way for hot nights when the unbearable heat forces you to stay up even when you don’t want to and you have no choice but to think about why you feel the way you feel as you melt into the burning sheets below you, a bad way for when he jokes about finding somebody else and you feel your stomach churning. A bad way for realising that this fake dating thing is really getting to you, but not a bad way in general.

Maybe it’s in a good way. Maybe the underlying implications whenever he makes jokes about making the relationship real are good, maybe the way he calls you in the middle of the night when he’s anxious and freaking out and defends himself by saying: “You’re my girlfriend, you’re always there for me, I just figured I could call you.” and you end up wondering if it’s possible to say jokes in such a vulnerable state or if he’s serious is good, maybe the way it’s been a few months and he won’t tell his own best friends that it was a joke the whole time is good, maybe the way you confronted him about it and he said he likes having you as his girlfriend is good.

Maybe the way the two of you are always walking the line between joking and being serious, between being friends and something more, between lies and pranks and emotional investment and fear of committing, and the way you’re always trying to push the other off, is good.

The fans love it. The fanart is incredible (serves especially well for those hot nights when you can’t fall asleep and you scroll, watching yourself fall in love with Clay in every universe, tales told by people who observe your story and find it worthy enough to retell in their own words, to take the love you pretend to have and turn it into something real), people love to gush over the compliments he sprinkles in at random times during conversation and the general flirty dynamic is loved by many, pulling in more views and attraction for you.

And you suppose that’s good too, but at some point, the good warps into bad, bad warps into terrible, and you wonder if this is all even worth the sleepless nights, wondering if he feels the same way.

Those thoughts haunt you more and more often every day. When you wake up, and text him first thing in the morning, your brain acknowledges that the camera is off - nobody’s around, people aren’t listening, so why are you still playing the role of a girlfriend and starting up a conversation with him when you haven’t even brushed your teeth properly? When you’re editing in the middle of the day and he calls to keep you company, making more stupid boyfriend jokes, your stomach flips in a weird way that makes you hate him, hate the way he can joke about these things so freely, like it doesn’t hurt him. Like it doesn’t affect him like it affects you.

But, as much as you wish you could hate him, you couldn’t bring yourself to, and that was the worst part. Because, in reality, whenever he laughed you’d smile without realising you did, whenever anything exciting happened to you he was the first one you went to, whenever you wanted to laugh or cry or sit in silence for hours or complain you always went to him, the one person who you know would listen. In reality, whenever he made a joke about giving up on the fake dating and making it real, you wished so bad that he was serious this time, that this was what it took and he’d crack and all of your suffering would end.

It eventually happens.

It’s a pretty chilly morning, birds chirp outside and the sun that slowly rises is covering the kitchen floor in a golden hue as you pour milk into your cereal with one hand and hold your phone in the other, letting Clay ramble about whatever it was this time, when he brought it up.

“So, when do you wanna come down to Florida again?” he asks casually, and you almost drop the gallon of milk in your hand.

“What?”

“I said, when are you coming down to Florida again? Last time you came was pretty fun.” he says, and an empty silence follows. There’s an unsaid “I miss you” that you don’t hear, and he’s too afraid of saying it.

“Florida wasn’t exactly on my schedule this month, man.” you say, placing your phone on the counter for a second. Clay sure knew how to surprise a person.

“Well put it down, then.” he jokes, and you hum.

“What, you got another wedding coming up?” you giggle and he groans - you never really stopped making fun of him for that wedding.

“No, I don’t. Can’t a man just miss seeing his beloved girlfriend?” It’s unbelievable how quickly dread can wash over you as soon as he makes one of those jokes. You were convinced the mix of anxiety and butterflies that appears in your stomach was gonna kill you sometime soon.

“He can, he’s just being weirdly insistent.” you argue nonetheless. “But sure, I’ll consider it.”

You do more than consider it - in a few weeks, you’re back at the airport, and falling into his arms has never given you such an adrenaline rush in your whole life. Something about having him wrapped around you, close to you, the warmth of his body radiating into yours sent you spiraling, head clouded with nothing but love and the fact that you wish you could stay there forever. You wished you could press pause and cherish the moment, let yourself bask in that feeling of pure love, pure adoration that you helplessly drowned in. But you couldn’t, and you left his arms feeling oddly empty.

Hiding the fact that you were unapologetically head over heels for him proved to be a hundred times more difficult when you were right there, next to him, talking to him, when you could just kiss him any second, feel his lips on yours and nobody would stop you - the opportunity was right there, looming over you, the devil on your shoulder taunting you, telling you to do it.

You got to wake up in the same house as him, watch his hair stick out in different directions and his raspy morning voice as he complained about the smell of your coffee, watch his eyes glint whenever he talked about something he liked and observe as he carried around Patches like a little baby. You got to experience every bit of domestic without the consequences of committing, and you wondered just how far this would go. For how much longer would the two of you blatantly ignore the fact that you were a couple that slapped the title “fake” on it because you were cowards who refused to admit what this truly was.

Not for long, apparently, because you grew tired, and decided to put an end to everything on one random Thursday night - and if he hated you forever for it, then so be it.

You were sitting on his couch, watching a random movie together, drowning in one of his Dream hoodies while you chewed the popcorn he made. It was dark outside, just past midnight, and you could see the branches of a tree swaying calmly through one of the nearby windows - the silence while he scrolled through his phone lazily was comforting too, everything was lazy and serene and it would’ve been perfect if it wasn’t for the constant anxiety that gripped you by the throat whenever you were in his close proximity, the nervousness that killed you, the upset feeling of wanting to cuddle up with him but knowing you can’t because you guys are just friends, and nothing more.

The couple on the screen kiss while a violin plays in the background - how fitting. Maybe that’s what pushes you to the edge, or maybe you were just that sick and tired.

You were exhausted, beyond exhausted. Your eyes were tired, the anxiety was morphing into annoyance and anger and you were ready to give up on it all. If this ended the friendship, at least you two had a good run. Your heart couldn’t take it anymore.

“You know, you still owe me a favor in return for pretending to be your girlfriend.” you say, and you sound gone, zoned out, more than you wish you were. You hear his phone turn off with a click.

“Yeah? What do you want?” Clay asks, and you blankly stare at the TV for a few seconds before turning to face him, eyes burning.

“Kiss me.”

It’s silent. The characters on screen are arguing. You hear the wind through one of his open windows.

“What?” he asks, voice cracking, and his expression falls. You’ve fucked it. Oh well.

“I want you to kiss me. Kiss me like you mean it. Kiss me like someone’s watching and you wanna make it believable.” you say, eyes boring into his, your words having nowhere near as much of an effect on yourself as they do on him. Your eyes sting like they’re being lit on fire, and your throat is sort of closing up, but it’s fine. “Let me have this before I go, because once I leave, I don’t wanna do this anymore, Clay. I can’t pretend like I don’t want you to introduce me as your girlfriend and fully mean it. I can’t lie to your face anymore.”

Silence. Deafening silence, once again.

“I love you.” he blurts out, and you don’t even register it at first. “I don’t want this shit to be fake either. God, I really don’t. It hasn’t been fake for a while now, at least not on my part. I’m sorry, it’s just- it was easier to keep this bit going than it was to actually admit that I’m… into you.”

And once again, the room falls into silence, much like it always does whenever the two of you share moments like these.

And then, you burst into laughter.

“So… so you mean to tell me, that both of us have liked each other this whooooole fucking time, and just refused to admit it and ‘pretended to date’ instead?” you burst into giggles, and he looks sort of hesitant to laugh, but he does anyway.

“I mean… yeah? I was waiting for you to call me out for doing all that when nobody was watching! Why did you never call me out?! Don’t blame me, I made it so damn obvious that I wanted you!” he protests, and you almost can’t believe what you’re hearing.

“Excuse me? You should’ve just fucking told me instead of making a million and one jokes about how I’m your girlfriend! We’re not in middle school, Clay!” you argue.

“Yeah, but I thought you’d catch on and talk to me about it at some point! You never called me out for anything!”

“So what, I’m supposed to just read your mind now? You’re fucking unbelievable.” you huff, crossing your arms over your chest and turning away in annoyance. As soon as a warm hand lands on your shoulder, though, the annoyance melts like wax under fire, leaving nothing behind.

“I still haven’t returned that favor, you know?” he whispers in your ear, breath fanning your neck, closer than he should be. The hairs on your neck stand up as you turn back to Clay, who wore a mischievous grin and a glint in his eyes that suggested no good.

You suppose bad can be good, sometimes.

As his lips press onto yours, that theory is proven true, because he sends a flicker of fire burning down your spine, spreading into your limbs, making your fingertips electric as you pulled him in closer, hand snaking up to grip at his hair - the everlasting grin against your own proves, once again, to be no good as his hands slip under your hoodie and grip your sides, but you think you enjoy this sort of bad.

They sneak up further, and you hear him chuckle into the kiss as your insides melt at his touch. The two of you silently agree that maybe he should ask for favors more often.

#dreamwastaken x reader #dreamwastaken imagine #dreamwastaken fluff #dreamwastaken fanfic #dreamwastaken angst #dream x reader #dream x you #dreamwastaken x y/n

2K notes · View notes

finelinevogue · 3 years

Note

Just wanted to say 2 things:

1)Love the fic where he proposed over a cup of tea…so sweet💗

2) we all know how H has asthma sometimes so…could u write something w/the reader helping him with an attack idk or during an interview/concert/family gathering do as u pls

A nice day

XOXO

firstly, thank you so much that’s so sweet of you <33 and secondly, um yes i would love to give this a go at writing for you! hope you enjoy;

Harry couldn’t breathe.

He was in a panic, completely terrified of the uncontrollable situation. He was having an asthma attack concocted with a panic attack and it was brutal.

“Shit,” Jeff whispered as he watched Harry breathe heavily and loudly on the floor. His friend was currently on his hands and knees trying to gasp for air, whilst dressed in his notorious Fine Line outfit.

It was the big night. The one night only at The Forum for the release of his new album Fine Line, hence the costume. He had been nervous all day, with shaking hands and a tendency to forget simple things. You had been with him all day; having a slow brunch together out in the Hollywood Hills and then just chilling around for the afternoon. You didn’t want to anything to strain his voice, so talking hadn’t been an option. That left you either to sleeping and cuddling, whilst watching a movie, or sex. Now you were all for sex, but Harry complained that he liked talking to you during it and so that got shut down pretty quickly. You didn’t forget what he whispered to your ear though just before you cuddled into watching Bambi;

“Keep your moans for later, you’ll be fucking needing them for what I have planned.”

But that was over two hours ago now. Harry had been whisked away to start getting ready, what with hair and makeup first. You’d left him to it, telling him you would just lounge around and wait for him. It was when he was getting into costume had you announced you were just going to go down the street to get some coffee from Dunkin’ - seeing as there were few of them back in England, where you most commonly lived with Harry. The problem was you hadn’t come back yet, and it was an hour later.

“Harry mate, you need to calm down.” Kid Harpoon told him carefully, kneeling down next to his good friend. Nothing was working though and Harry was too breathless to ask anyone for his inhaler.

It had started by thinking about how nervous he actually was for tonight. It was such a huge show and one of a kind too. He was playing his new album and it wasn’t even 24 hours old yet. There was so much pressure weighing him down that he couldn’t breathe - he was suffocating in the anxiety of his own mind and he couldn’t escape at all. Then because he was in so much of a panic his asthma hit him and added another reason to his breathlessness. It was finally made worst when he realised you weren’t by his side to help him. You weren’t there to quickly eliminate the asthma and focus on helping him overcome the panic attack, instead he had his mates surrounding him - crowding him - and they didn’t know the first thing to do.

“Sarah, where’s Y/N?” Mitch shouted, making Harry squint the thought away. He didn’t want to think about how something back might’ve happened or might be happening to you. Where were you? Sarah’s response did no better to help him.

“I don’t know.”

“Harry bud. Talk to us.” Jeff spoke, crouched down in front of him. Harry shook his head, tears running from his eyes as he began crying. The sobs were really harsh and embarrassing. The tears were heavy and mixed with snot running from his nose to pool on the floor below him. He was not doing well at all, coughing when the asthma choked him up. He couldn’t do this. He felt like he was in a small box and it was only getting smaller. He felt as if he were going to die. Genuinely.

“Does he look like he can talk, dickward.” Adam’s voice came from the other side of Harry, messing his head up even more. There was so many voices and he couldn’t focus on just one, but he didn’t want to. He wanted yours. He needed yours. You.

Whenever this has happened before he was always luckily in the comfort of his home, or the tour bus and always with you. So this was unfamiliar and terrifying. He was beginning to think you’d left him or you’d gotten seriously hurt, but he couldn’t do anything to help. He was stuck - paralysed to this position as his lungs collapsed in on themselves and his brain sped the same speed as a train. You were his comfort person and it was only ever you that he wanted in situations like these. Just you.

“Move out of my way. Move!” Harry thought he heard you and your voice, but he hated that his mind could be playing tricks on him in desperation for what, or whom, he truly wanted.

He felt someone crash on the floor in front of him and the almighty smell of lavender and soap hit him all at once. This time, he was glad to have someone sit so close to him, because it was you.

“Harry look at me, hey, hey. You’re okay. Look at me bubs.” You spoke calmly, trying not to sound panicked yourself, even if you were heavily worried. You watched as he looked up at you, eyes ridiculously red and puffy whilst his nose was dripping like a leaking tap. You wanted to rub his tears away and dab away the snot, but your main priority was on his breathing first. “Okay good, okay.”

Your hand went into your bag and picked out his inhaler. You shook it a few times, before putting it into Harry’s mouth. “On three, one, two, three…” Harry tried is best to breathe in and you pushed down on the canister. “Good, bubs, really good. Okay again, one, two, three…” You repeated and then a third time until you could tell that the wheezing of his asthma attack had disappeared.

“T-than…” Harry tried to mumble out, but couldnt because he was still in panic and his throat was so dry.

“Sshh you’re okay.” You turned to one of the crew members and asked for them to fetch you a bottle of water. You asked people to clear out of the room and leave you with Harry for a bit, knowing he wouldn’t settle in front of all these people. You sat on the floor, crossed legged, and brought Harry to lay his head in your lap with his body trailing behind. You offered him one of your hands to squeeze if he wanted to, which he appreciated, cupping both of his around yours. Your other hand laid to stroke through his gelled hair - that would no doubt have to be redone now.

Instead of going straight into talking to him, you sang his favourite lullaby to him in aid of calming him down. It always worked, or at least helped a little. You sang quietly, noticing the beat of his heart soften with every line you sung. You were by no means a professional singer like him, but he liked the way it was so imperfect and mellow. It calmed him to hear something so simple and so you. Whilst you sang the crew never came back with your requested water and you thanked them, before you were the only ones left in the room.

After you finished singing you noticed how calm Harry was, almost still - the complete opposite to how he’d been all of 10 minutes ago. It was amazing what the power of you could do to him.

“What colour are we feeling?” You and Harry had created your own little system by which you would let each other know how you’re feeling by a colour of the rainbow. You’d designated a meaning to all of them that only you two could understand and used them on the days when you weren’t feeling great, to help understand each other’s feelings better.

“The whole bloody rainbow.” Harry mumbled out and you passed the water around so he could take a few sips, to which he thanked you graciously for.

“Oi, you can’t have that as your answer.” It was a rule that you could only use one colour to some your most intense emotion in that moment, otherwise there was kind of no point to the system.

“But it’s true. I feel grey with confusion, blue with sadness, purple with frustration, yellow with fear and even light yellow with cowardice. Yet I feel pink with happiness and light red with love.”

“What about red red?” You teased, not being able to help yourself.

“What? Lust? Always, for you that is.” You leant down to kiss his head as he cracked a joke, showing you that your Harry was still there beneath all this worry.

“Tell me what the colours represent in real life.”

“Purple because I am frustrated that I had to have a panic attack right before the biggest show of my career. Yellow because I am frightened that nobody will like the album and it will be a complete fail of a night. Grey because I can’t choose one colour and focus on it. I.. I—”

You could tell he getting himself worked up again, so cut him short. “Bubs stop, you’re okay. Listen to me.” You tucked his hair behind his ear as if to open it up for him to hear better. “Don’t ever be frustrated with yourself for something like this. You are allowed to have moments of weakness; you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. Did this compromise your show? No. Did this show off how strong and brave you are? Yes. That’s what is important, therefore we can swap purple for dark yellow because you were brave. Which means yellow can also turn to dark yellow because you are so brave for doing something so huge and so wonderful. People already love the album H. Can’t get enough of it. Everyone will sing along to every word, I can promise you that. Or at least I will. You are amazing, so never undersell yourself. That’s important to me and for you. Bubs, you are so amazing for what you’re doing here tonight and I couldn’t be prouder of you. Yes, a panic attack isn’t nice and it isn’t convenient, but it just helps show how much you care about tonight and it going a success. That must count for something.”

He didn’t say anything for a bit and that was okay. He was most likely getting his thoughts together and mentally preparing himself for the greatest night of his life. You bent your body over so you could hug him, since his back was to your front, and just give him a squeeze to reiterate how proud you are of him.

“Y/N.” Harry spoke quietly, as your body encased his. You embraced his warmth and inhaled the beautiful scent that he was wearing. He both smelt and looked phenomenal.

“Yes bubs.”

“You know I love you right?” Of course you did, but it still made your heart flutter as crazy as the first time he said it to when he tells you now.

“I do.”

“And you know you’re it for me right?”

“Well.. I—” You didn’t want to get too ahead of yourself.

“Because you are.” Harry turned himself around, making you sit up so he could move. He was lying with his head facing upwards now, face looking less red and puffy, and staring right into the souls of your eyes. He looked magical. Beautiful. He thought the same of you. “And,” he moved his fingers to take off his S ring from Gucci, that probably cost more than your annual salary, and place it onto your ring finger of your right hand, “I give you this as a promise to share my last name with you someday.”

Seeing the initial of his last name sat on the finger opposite to the one he claimed he would one day put two more rings on, brought you to tears. “Harry…” You didn’t know what to say, you were speechless. You had never expected for him to do something as monumental as this and had never experienced it before to know how to react.

Of course you’d always dreamt of marrying him and being his for eternity, but never thought of it possibly becoming your reality. Now, Harry was completely devoting himself to you and only you and it suddenly all felt like the dream was settling in place.

“I swear to you Y/N, i’ll love you until the next lifetime and i’ll find you again. I love you so much, I can’t even tell you how much because it is so infinite. You’re so kind and patient with me and you see me for me, not for the Harry Styles, just Harry. I’ll never let a day pass without you on my mind and I think it’s because you were always meant to be mine. My heart is yours.” He smiled once he noticed you were crying, moving one of his hands up to wipe the tears away.

“How do I top that?” You whispered to him, but mostly to yourself. Both of you laughed.

“Just tell me you love me.”

“I do. I do love you Harry.” You nodded and then he sealed your confirmation with a kiss to his lips. You rested your hand upon his cheek, placing the coolness of the S ring upon his cheekbone, as he placed his hand under your chin to guide you into the kiss. He tasted divine and you smiled knowing that you got to have him like this, taste him like this, for the rest of your beating hearts’ days.

515 notes · View notes

dilemmaontwolegs · 2 years

Note

Hello!! 💕 I was the one that sent in the request for Bucky taking care of his sick s.o when I had covid- I just wanted to say thank you, your writing is amazing and I stg I read it like twenty times when I was going through it :’) I return with another request, if that’s okay!

Bucky with a chaotic s.o who is just a walking disaster, but one day, Bucky makes an off handed joke about how long it’s been since he had a home cooked meal, so one night she decides to make him dinner before he comes home, but what he actually comes home to is a lot of cursing, smoke, and what could only be identified as the smell of burnt char- the kitchen is a mess and her hand is scalded, running under cold water while she shouts and curses a pan on the stove like it personally attacked her. She’s so worked up that Bucky actually startles her and then immediately deflates, devastated and defeated because she wanted to surprise him, but things didn’t go according to plan- underneath all of the concern and maybe a tiny bit of amusement, Bucky is actually really touched because it’s the most thoughtful thing anyone has done for him in a really long time, so he gets her cleaned up and maybe things get a little steamy before they order takeout and call it a night

I’m so glad you are okay and I hope you are feeling better 💕

Sorry in advance, I’m writing this on my phone so there will most likely be mistakes.

Takeout || Bucky

main masterlist || bucky masterlist

You could still hear the words repeating over and over in your head. You knew it wasn’t a dig at you but you still felt terrible over it. Bucky had merely been making polite conversation in the lunchroom at work, Steve proudly showing off the leftovers he was reheating. It had smelt delicious and Bucky had asked where he got it from when Steve said his girlfriend had cooked it for him.

“I don’t know the last time I had a home cooked meal.” Bucky had laughed as he tucked into his leftovers of last nights takeaways.

A hiss tore from your lips before you rushed across the kitchen to the sink and stuck your hand under the cool water from the tap. You looked at your other hand that had a Band-Aid covering the cut you had accidentally given yourself less than 10 minutes ago. You were not cut out for life in the kitchen, that much was clear, but you were determined to make Bucky a home cooked meal. The pain in your finger was slowly receding until you smelt smoke and turned to find your pan on fire.

“Oh fuck!” You cried as you grabbed the handle and carried it back to the sink, tossing it under the tap only to scream as a ball of fire exploded into the air.

Hands tore you away from the fireball and you screamed again at the sudden appearance of Bucky looking bewildered. His eyes widened as he saw the curtains above the sink were up in flames and he put your feet down in the corner, away from the disaster, so he could grab the fire extinguisher and douse the kitchen in its thick white foam. Your eyes were brimming with tears as you saw your attempt had literally gone out in a blaze of glory. You dropped your head to your hands in despair only to feel prickling against your fingers and your stomach dropped as you felt the singed hairs where your eyebrows used to be.

“What the hell happened here?” Bucky asked as he stood in amidst the ruined kitchen and brushed his hair back with exasperation.

Your lip trembled and you shook your head, unable to tell him what a failure you were as the tears fell down your hot cheeks. “I’m sorry…”

“Hey, shhh, it’s okay, it’s not that bad, doll.” He soothed as he pulled you into his arms. “I didn’t like those curtains anyway.”

You sniffed a laugh as he tried to make you feel better while you buried your face in his shirt. “I wanted to cook for you.”

“Why?” He frowned, pulling away so he could look at your face and wipe your eyes. “You hate cooking…and now I see why.”

You turned away and mumbled your answer but he caught your wrist and pulled you back, spotting the burn and the Band-Aid. He lifted your hands to his lips and kissed the hurt away before he asked you why again. Your breath was shaky as you inhaled to answer. “I heard what you said to Steve.”

Bucky’s frown deepened and he really had no idea what you were referring too since he spoke to Steve about a lot of things. His lips parted with a silent oh and he looked around the room once again with fresh eyes before seeing your forlorn face. His hand cradled your face and he shook his head as he saw the singed hairs curled up. “You did this for me?”

“I wanted to make you proud.”

Bucky’s smile grew wide and his hands tilted your head back for him. “You make me proud every dam day, doll. You didn’t have to get hurt and do all this for me, what you already do is more than enough.”

You let yourself fall into his kiss, the worries about the kitchen and everything else melting in his embrace. His hands snaked their way around your waist and you gasped as he squeezed your ass, lifting your feet off the ground so you could wrap your legs around him. He took advantage of your surprise and his tongue deepened the kiss as he blindly walked through the house to your room and laid down on the bed with you in his arms.

“I don’t need a home cooked meal.” He said as he rested his forehead against yours and smirked. “I just need a home to come back to.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x poc!reader #bucky barnes x you #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine

143 notes · View notes

slashingdisneypasta · 3 years

Text

Total Drama Villains x Reader || Drabble Set

Plot: You forget to take a towel to the shower and only realise after the shower, so you open the window to stick your head out and ask whoever's out there (Hoping someone is out there) to grab you one but to your chagrin- there's just a villain.

Includes: Chris, Heather, Mal and Scott.

Warnings: Mmmm, I dont think so. Swearing? A kiss?

~~~

All:

You slowly look around the room, very very aware of the fact that you're naked and cold in a room that does not have a great lock on it. "Ohhhhhh no." The words come out low and steady... but are just brimming with panic.

No. Towel.

No towel!!

Finally you gasp, covering the bottom half of your face with your hands and looking at the benches and the sinks in dread. You accidentally came in here without a towel!!

The sudden sound of footsteps out the back of the cabin rips a gasp from your throat and you lunge at the window, unlatching the lock and opening it to see who it is. Before you even stick your head out, you're calling for whoever it to stop. Please. Hold on! I need your help!

Chris McLean:

*You are an adult camper.

When you actually see who's standing out there, you groan. Chris McLean stands outside on the grass, hands in his pockets and an intrigued look in his eyes. He know's he's about to be amused, or he's going to amuse himself depending on what kind of trouble you're in- or what kind of help you apparently need.

"What's up?~"

"Nevermind."

"Oh no no no! Come on, you can confide in Uncle Chris, cant you?"

A whine tumbles out of you. Uncle Chris?? Grooooooooss. He see's and acknowledges your disgusted reaction to him calling himself that, but just giggles. He doesn't leave, to your utter annoyance.

What other choice do you have?? Rolling your eyes, you look down at your feet instead of meeting his beady eyes and wiggle your toes. And mutter suuuuper quietly, half hoping he doesn't hear you. "I forgot to bring a towel... and I really need one... " And, this part you say especially quietly. For seriously asking Chris fucking McLean for a hand would be akin to letting your dignity pack its bags and fly the coop. "... and would you please get one for me... "

"... Sorry, I didn't catch that. What didja say?"

Oh god. A little louder, you say shortly. "... I forgot a towel... "

Chris smirks at that, rolling back on the feels of his feet. "And? What would you like from me, Y/N?"

Finally too frustrated to keep playing this stupid game with the show's host, you snap your eyes up to his and cross your arms. "Fine! Damnit. Get me a towel, please."

Immediately, a cat like grin slowly spreads across Chris' face. Its the most evil thing you have ever seen.

"Now why would I do that when I could get Chef here to send in a buncha rabid bats with you and flush you out?" Christ teases - no, threatens. But then again, does he know the difference in the first place? - , that famous, alabaster white, terror instilling grin on his face as usual. "Now that's, good TV!"

You groan, head falling back on your neck, in frustration. "Chrr-ris!!"

"Ha ha! Well? What do you expect?" You cant argue with that, but you cans till groan again. "Okay, fine. I'll get you a towel! But what will you do for me, heh? Nothing comes for free."

"Oh, don't I know it. I've been on this show for 3 seasons now." For some reason.

"Heh heh."

"Fine, I'll... " Ugh, something for Chris... You blow air out of your cheeks slowly, in thought. What would Chris like? Well, he'd sure get kick out of you getting one of your friends hurt but that's sure as hell not happening. Finally, after a few moments, you get an idea. And scowl. "I'll be sure to drum up some drama for you. Good TV, right?"

"For sure! Promise?~"

Sighing, you lean tiredly on the window sill. "Oh, I cross my heart and hope to die." You promise him like he's a child, which he basically is. Chris McLean has got the maturity level and the intelligence package of a 7 year old on crack.

"Wicked! Heh heh, this'll be good. Okay, hang tight. I'll be back."

You smirk at his retreating back.

When he finally gets back and hands you a towel - a much nicer towel then what you and the other campers have been using. Which is nice? But also, you cant help but worry about what kind of strings might be attached to it, - through a crack in the door, you carefully wrap it around your body and tightly tuck it in.

"I'll want that towel back" He snaps, cranky. Why?? He could've just gone and gotten you your towel! "I imported that from Fiji!"

Of course he did.

Now you take a deeeeeeep breath, gathering all your courage, and killing the butterflies reeking havoc in your stomach. Then open the door again and grab hold of the front of Chris' signature teal shirt and wrench him close before he can walk too far off.

And you smash your lips together and slam your eyes tightly closed.

When you pull back from the kiss - a horrible, unpleasant, bad kiss, - you immediately wipe your mouth with your arm and let him go. But when you reveal your mouth again, you're for damn sure smirking at the stunned man. "Is that dramatic enough for you, Chris? A camper and the host? Scandalous- I bet we'll be front page news."

Then quickly you lock yourself inside the bathroom again, not really caring for his reaction- which only comes, finally, minutes later when you're half way dressed.

"DAMN IT Y/N!!"

Heather:

"Hm." Heather crosses her arms, an evil smirk on her lips- opportunity has knocked on her door. Or, the inside of the shower cabin. "You need something from me. Well! What will you do for me return? Hm?"

As expected. "I will vote for whoever you want me to at 2 different instances of your choice going forward. Except for myself, I wont vote myself out."

She thinks for a moment, but definitely looks pleased. "Three, different instances of my choice."

Fucks sake- "Fine! Just- please! I'm getting cold and one of the boys could come in here at any time and see me butt ass naked!!"

Uncrossing her arms and setting her hands on her hips instead, Heather laughs. "Oh- one of these boys? Shower? Haha. Have you smelled them??"

You blush darkly at her joking with you; At your worry but not your expense, before shaking your head of silly feelings and usher the pretty girl Heather, forward. "Go! Go! Get my towel already."

"Be right back." She rolls her eyes, heading off.

When she gets back, she reaches up to the window with the towel and you gratefully take it, beginning to dry off any drips from your body and get dressed as quickly as possible. "Thank you Heather!!"

"Mhm, yeah. Sure."

A few minutes later when you leave the door, Heather's waiting for you on the porch and you basically have a small stroke- jesus christ, why is she there!? STILL!?

"Oh, relax. I'm just cashing in some of your part of the bargain." She sneers, walking closer to you and pressing a sharp fingernail into your chest. "Dont forget, you owe me now."

"I remember Heather, we did this like 10 minutes ago."

"Good." She smiles, a tint of evil to it still. Pleasantly surprised that you're being so obedient. She leans back. "Okay, so Gwen's got to go. You got that? She's out. Vote for her and you're third done with your debt to me."

"Yes ma'am." You smirk, brushing by her and stalking off back to your cabin to put away your things.

Heather watches, hands on her hips and her own smirk on her lips. You might just be useful out of this bunch of losers. Not quite a diamond in the rough, but... better, at least. For sure. "Hm."

Mal:

"Oh- Mike!" You exclaim excitedly as soon as you see the lanky, dark haired boy. What luck!!

But then he slowly turns around; A dark, sinister grin on his face and hair over one eye. And your heart immediately drops.

This is not Mike. Neither is it Chester, Svetlana, Vito or Manitoba- any of which would have been just fine alternatives for this moment.

This has to be fucking Mal. You've met him before, and absolutely nevermind on the luck front.

"Nope." Yep- the grizzly, deep voice that responds to you can belong to no one other then Mike's chaotic evil alter. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. You continue to chant curses in your head as he turns around fully and comes forward, looking up with evil glinting in his eyes at you like a twisted Flynn Rider to your Rapunzel.

The kind that makes you rather stay inside your tower- its safer here then out there with him. You don't go out to meet the rabid pit bull!!

"Ummm, nevermind! Go about your business, I'm fine here. See ya!"

"Oh no. What'd you want from little Mikey?" He asks, crossing his arms and tilting his head to the side, cruelly inquisitive. You chew on your bottom lip. Damn it; You've peaked his interest. Fuck.

"Um... " The sound comes out quiet and insure as you look down at the grass before his feet instead of his face. You're so nervous. "Well, I... I forgot my towel before I took my shower, and uh... I was just gonna ask him if he could go get me one."

For a moment, he's silent. Your gaze flickers up to his face to see an utterly wolfish look on his face, eyes gleaming with mischief before averting your eyes again to the grass.

Then a loud puff of hard, unpleasant laughter escapes him. He doubles over, holding his stomach as he guffaws at your embarrassing situation. You roll your eyes and cross your arms.

"Oh shut up," You snap, bravely- making him cut off his laughter immediately and look at you. You dare to fucking talk to him like that? "Come on, go get me a towel, please!! I'll owe you one."

After a moment, he stands up straight again and crosses his arms. Yes, he could do something horrible to you right now to teach you not to talk back to him; but it looks like you're going to struggle without his help. All he has to do is watch! "Hmm, nope!"

"Come on!"

"Not gonna happen."

"Ugh." You groan, leaving the window and Mal and plopping down on a bench. Fucking bastard.

This is so awkward. Especially since you know he's still out there!! And he could send someone in at any time.

... Minutes later, and you're still dripping wet but now freezing fricken cold, a towel is flung in through the still open window and lands on the wet floor near your feet. Your eyebrows fly up your forehead, as you look from it in surprise and to the window.

Mal's voice calls through it. "There! Its no fun if you just sit and bear your punishment." Huff. You can just imagine the cute boy - the look works for Mike, but is just very odd on Mal, - crossing his arms and setting his jaw, or even pouting. His voice just sound sooo frustrated. "I'll get you another time, anyway. Everyone will go down, eventually."

"Oh... mhm, oh sure." I mean, I can at least listen to his evil babble since he got me a towel, you think as you start drying yourself down and getting dressed.

A moment after you've got your shirt on, the door is kicked open and Mal stands on the threshold, making you jump. "Jesus christ!- "

"Kiss thank you?"

"Get outta here!" Absolutely not!

Scott:

Peering out from the window, you nearly miss the boy leant up against the cabin beneath you, in fact you would have- if it weren't for his bright orange hair. You gasp, unintentionally getting his attention and smiling brightly when he looks up to find you. "Scott!"

A confused, yet somehow still evil expression paints his face. "Y/N?? What are you doing?"

"Well farm-boy, how do you feel about giving a lady a hand??"

Scott snorts, getting off the wall and stepping back to see you properly. "Lady? I don't see any lady here."

Oh- Bastard. You look back into the bathroom before disappearing from the window for a moment before returning, and promptly clobbering him with an empty shampoo bottle. "You see her now!?"

"Ugh... yeah." He grumbles more malleably now, much more open to suggestion as he rubs his forehead. "Sure, now I see her... ow."

Now you feel a little bad. He looks so pitiful when he's in pain... and yes he's a rat but... its still not okay to hurt someone. You aren't Chris. And also you're getting colder and colder as the water drips unimpeded down your skin and maybe its making you soft. "Ohh... okay, I'm sorry."

He glances up at you, surprised at your apology. "Ahh, no problem, I guess... " Did someone just apologise for whacking him on this show? He crosses his arms, raising a curious look to your disembodied head. "Uhh, what'd you need a hand, with?"

"I... kinda... forgot a towel... could you please go get one for me??"

For a moment you watch his eyes narrow and a wicked grin flicker at the corners of his mouth and get anxious that he's going to ask for something in return- before he rolls his eyes and just shrugs, turning and heading off to the cabin. "Yeah, sure, whatever. Be right back- try not to gather too much attention, haha."

As he walks off, you duck under the window again, sighing in so much relief. "Thanks, Scott!"

When he returns, you're waiting at the door and crack it open just enough to get the towel from him immediately- which you quickly wrap around yourself comfortably and sigh. "Thank you so much!"

"Hm. No problem." He huffs, wondering why the hell he did this for you anyway and crossing his arms again.

From inside, you carefully ask: "Are you gonna get weird if I hug you now?"

Immediately Scott's ears go bright red and he quickly loses every little bit of cool-guy vibe from a moment ago. "I-In your towel?? N-No!! I mean- yes!" He rubs the back of his neck, looking away from the door like its you, or he'll accidentally spontaneously develop x-ray vision and damnit, he's a gentleman. "I mean... " Or at least he tries to be.

Grinning, because Scott's unexpectedly cute now that you've flustered him, you quickly open the door, hug him quick, then close the door again and shout 'BYE'.

#Total Drama Villains x Reader #Total Drama Island #Total Drama All Star #Total Drama Revenge Of The Island #td x reader #Chris McLean #td Heather #td mal #td Scott #Td Heather x Reader #td Heather Imagine #td Scott x Reader #td Scott Imagine #Total Drama Imagine #Chriss McLean x Reader #Chris Mclean Imagine #td Mal x Reader #td Mal Imagine

1K notes · View notes