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b0xerdancer-writes · 1 month

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Baring Teeth

Azriel x Archeron!Reader

Summary: Azriel and reader are mates, after what has felt like a lifetime to them with how fast life has seemed to move Azriel finds himself wanting what his brothers have, his mate having been through hell and back is willing to give him whatever she can.

Warnings: Some smut scenes, death, violence, war, torture, blood, inappropriate language and jokes, this is entirely an 18+ work.

Word Count: 14,099

Notes: This was meant to be that Azriel baby fever fic from the get-go, but I got sidetracked, it gets there eventually. Lemme know if you would like to see a part 2!

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If you asked Azriel he was anything but a jealous male, if you asked his mate however she would tell you it was circumstantial at best.

It had been only a handful of years since my sisters had destroyed the cauldron and the king of Hybern but life seemed to want to fasten its pace. I couldn’t say I didn't blame it for wanting too either. Being born between Nesta and Elain always had its challenges, my mother favored Nesta as the first born and both of my parents always doted on Elain for her sweet, caring, and gentle nature; I had always just been there neither parent cared what I did and that was amplified when Feyre was born. I used the opportunity to learn something unique for my family, how to wield a sword, to fight, to kill. I used the opportunity to learn from guards, sell swords, mercenaries, and what teachers were available to me.

So when my family lost all of their money I announced I’d be working as a sellsword, Nesta had thrown a fit about it but at this point she threw a fit about everything. I had a small amount of gold stashed for myself so when my parents finally decided to marry me off I’d run and buy all the things I needed to start my career as a sellsword, or mercenary, or just whatever I ended up becoming; I’d announced I was going into town and slipped out the door with the bag of coins strapped to my waist. I had bought a few furs, a good quality sword that would get me through till I could buy a better one, some bags I was able to strap across my body, and some easy traveling clothes, and some small pieces of leather. I knew if I was going to be gone they would need some way to be able to get food; I split my coin down the middle and used half of what I had left to buy them food, the other half I’d save for travel expenses.

I dropped the food off with my sisters and father, then slipped back out the door after a quick goodbye and made my way towards one of the nobles' nearest estates. One of my teachers had written to me when he found out about my family's misfortune and told me he was stationed there and would recommend me to the lord he worked for, all I had to do was show up. I Showed up like he said, not to the front door but to the side door, the servants quarters and there I was greeted by my teacher and some other for hire guards who all coaxed me in with pats on my back and one went to fetch the head of staffing. It was an easily acquired job with a recommendation from my teacher and the other guards that had greeted me at the door, an even easier job to perform with good pay; simple patrols and hunting shifts at 50 gold a day.

While I was there the barracks became my home, the other sellswords and mercs became family and before I knew it I was going out with them on the days we were released and getting drinks and celebrating. I had a pretty good stash of gold saved up, kept it in a nice bag that my belt strapped through and kept it firmly against my hip, I would write to my sisters and send them 10 gold once a week to help keep them fed. If I sent more I knew Nesta or Elain would commandeer it and use it on useless things, they could at least stock up on a good amount of fillers like rice or barley with 10 gold.

They never wrote back, it was probably a good thing in hindsight. Had any of them mentioned Feyre being taken by the fae I would have gone right after her, but there was no mention of it to me until I got a letter from Nesta one day saying they had been moved into a new estate and father’s fortune had been restored by some sheer dumb luck. I wrote back congratulating them but making them aware I had no intention of giving up my post; then the next letter came written by Nesta again it had said something was wrong with feyre, telling the story of what had actually happened while I was gone. It had told me that Feyre had been taken by some fae monster that then she had returned after that first letter had been sent to me but had to leave again to go after some male she loved, but that this time she called the same male she left for the first time a monster and had appeared at the estates doorstep with three males on her heels and asked for us to hear them out. I didn’t bother writing back, Nesta had sent that letter the same day. If I took a horse I’d be at where they mentioned their estate was within two hours, so I stepped down from my post and was told if I ever needed it to come right on back to them; I set out towards my family's estate with a large fur on my back to battle the chill winds, when I arrived a staff member took the horse and showed me inside.

Nesta was the first to greet me, pulling me in for a hug and telling me how proud she was that I made something of myself; she told me how tense the atmosphere had been since Feyre showed up with the males, that feyre was now a member of the fae and she had somehow been changed into one of them. I had nothing against the civil fae but we were close enough to the wall some strays would slip through and tear apart weaker humans, I had helped the barracks crew take down some rogues that slipped past the wall on a few occasions; nothing big, nagas as I had been told were the most common ones we faced.

Stepping into the room elain squealed and buried herself into my side and the fur I wore, I heard Feyre call out to me with hesitancy as her eyes raked over the small scars the littered my exposed skin from the fights in the woods or sparring accidents; I motioned her over and pulled her into a hug, fae or not she was still my family and still my baby sister. The fae behind her had introduced themselves and their positions, they seemed to have no qualm with me but with Nesta and Elain. One wrong comment sent Elain into tears while she profusely apologized to Feyre, the two had their moment but it didn’t set right with me; yes they were in the wrong for doing nothing while Feyre hunted almost daily for them and I was off working, but they very obviously realized they had fucked up and were in the wrong. It did not mean they got to insult my family and I made sure they knew that, one of the males the tallest with the biggest wings there that I would later come to know as Azriel, seemed amused with my wild and protective temper and applauded me for it.

They later left with promise to come back soon, I busied myself with the guards and servants we had around the estate by leading patrols and hunting parties myself; I stayed out of most of their business so the next time I saw them I had just returned from a hunting party, dragging a decent sized deer to the kitchen. The tall male found me there in the kitchen caught off guard when he found me there, sleeves rolled up and cloak tossed to the size with a butcher knife in my hand while dismembering the deer; he had introduced himself to me then, as Azriel, and offered to help. I tossed him the hide and asked him to bring it out back, string it up on the dry rack. He agreed, I’d get around to curing the skin of the hide after I finished drying and preparing the rest of the meat; when he returned I had already stored all the meat away and was by the sink basin washing the deers dark blood from off my hands, I looked up at him from the corner of my eye and watched as his breath hitched and he quickly excused himself from the room.

Nesta was the one who collected me when the queens were on their way, a new member had joined us in the living room that I had not recognized but she introduced herself as Mor; I stood silently like a guard myself when the human guards joined us, silently judging them as my sister and ‘her mate’ as she had called him explained to the queens what they needed. The meeting was surprisingly quick, the queens leaving just as quickly as they had arrived. We ate dinner together like a family that night, Azriel made small talk with me about my skills and training; I had to admit to myself that I found it endearing no one else even my sisters cared or dared, I wasn’t sure which it exactly was with them, to ask me about it.

They left the next morning, and life returned to normal once the servants themselves returned; Oftentimes I got incredulous looks for being in the back working on my pelts or sparring with the dummy I had ordered set up when I returned to the estate, other times the children of the servants were more than ecstatic to ask me of tales I had experienced within the woods. I had ended up using that deer hide in my cloaks, something about it was sentimental to me, though I couldn’t quite place why.

A few weeks later, my nerves were on end, like the times when the entire barracks would ride out together hunting a naga or other rogue beast and we weren’t quite sure where they were lurking. I didn’t bother changing out of my armor and cloak. I should’ve trusted my gut that night, as I was unable to find sleep easily and only able to fall asleep with my blade at my side and a dagger under my pillow. I awoke to screaming from down the hall, Elain’s scream, I burst out of my room blade in hand knocking a few of them off their feet as the door collided with them.

One thing that had been instilled into me over the time with my teachers was the fact the bigger you looked the more intimidating you could be, my piled furs and cloak were an extension of that teaching; a large black wolf pelt was my crowning piece on my shoulders the, the deer hanging over my shoulders under that like a shawl.

The fae turned to look at me in the faint light and darkness of our home, needless to say the illusion I was aiming for had worked on them as I heard several yell, “Beast!”, in alarm at me. And beast I was, I had taken down and decapitated several of them before they finally apprehended me in my war path to get to Elain and Nesta, the latter I realized had been gagged and I saw blood on her face; ever the fighter she was I had seen one of them holding her nursing one of his hands over the other and had surmised she had bitten him, and taken a chunk from his hand. I’d have to applaud her eventually for that, it was genius thinking and she was always so much smarter than she let on. They doused us with some sort of potion or substance that swept Elain under immediately, Nesta fought off the sleep as much as she could but after a few seconds went under herself; I fought against them straining and struggling, teeth bared, fighting off the sleep that coaxed me at the edges of my mind till they had to use another dose to put me under.

I awoke to chaos. So much was happening. Azriel and Cassian were insanely injured but still trying to fight the bane in their systems to crawl to us. Feyre bawling. Two males and a female I didn’t recognize beside her. The male I had been introduced to as Rhysand was in pain himself. A large male in the center of the room. Two guards either side of Elain hauling her up. A large thing that didn't seem natural in the center of the room. Nesta had three guards around her. I had seven. The seven I realized were on edge around me, made uneasy by me. Made uneasy even though I was restrained in any way they could think of. I felt like a beast surveying its options of prey to hunt.

The large male in the center, realizing all of us were finally awake, finally introduced himself as the King of Hybern, a name I recognized Azriel’s family talking about at the meeting. The King introduced the strange object as ‘The Cauldron’, Azriel had mentioned it was something akin to a god to them. Not natural indeed. He motioned for the guards to bring Elain forward as he explained his plan, the guards raised her over the large pot; she screamed and thrashed in their grip, red marks and bruises already appearing on her skin. I saw red. I shot forward, catching all the guards around me by surprise as they scrambled to get ahold of my restraints and chains; they stopped me just as Elain went under, my arms were pinned behind my back by a chain and I snarled, insults and threats falling from my mouth. I heard Nesta react similarly yet not as violently as I was, seemingly stunned by everything going on, or maybe it was just her cold mask refusing to let the King and our enemies see how much she was fazed.

The king simply let out a dark laugh. “The feral beast bares her teeth.” It was meant as a condescending remark.

They pulled Elain out of the cauldron and I jolted forward towards her again, catching the ones holding my chains off guard and several of them fell to the floor from the sudden jerk forward that caused them to lose their footing. One of the males at Feyre’s side mumbled something I didn’t catch thanks to the blood pounding in my ears, and my attention caught on him and the blondes beside him; he straightened eyes, or eye, wide and he stumbled back. I turned my attention back to the so-called ‘King’, promises of death dripping like venom from my teeth; I barely caught the fact Rhys or maybe it was Mor had pulled Elain to their side of the room.

The King tilted his head at me, an amused smile on his face as he spoke to me. “You want to behave like a beast? So be it.” He turned his attention to the seven around me. “Get her in that cauldron I don’t care how.”

A chorus of yes sirs surrounded me and the chains began to dig into my skin as they tried to pull me towards the over-sized cooking pot. I had just started to lose my footing when a weak call came from my right, giving me just enough motivation to regain it.

“Fight them! You’ve taken down worse things than them! They are nothing compared to those Nagas in the woods! Come on! I believe in you! Show them those techniques you told me about!” Azriel had braced himself on one elbow wincing against the fae bane in his system.

I nodded and braced myself the best I could, the guards stood on the other side of the pot as me and I turned slightly as I let out a snarl like smile. They looked between each other in worry as I dug my boots into the ground and hauled ass the other direction, dragging one of them too close to the cauldron they tripped, losing control of the chain and fell in screaming himself. One of the others dropped a chain to the floor, giving me more breathing room, to help the screaming male out of the pot; he trashed on the floor ripping his armor off exposing his skin that had begun boiling and simply falling off.

The others tightened their grip on my chains but were distracted by the horror of the scene, the one that had helped him out screamed and began throwing up. I heard Nesta cheer behind me, and I turned my attention to what seemed like the now weakest guard holding my chains; I charged forward, the male screamed in horror as I caught him off guard and took a page out of Nestas book and sunk my teeth into his throat. Just as I was expecting the guards on the opposite side pulled violently and assisted me in pulling his throat out, I wasn’t going to go down easy, and by whatever gods did exist it was going to be violent and bloody. He grasped his hollowed throat and tried to scream as he collapsed and I spit the wad of torn flesh towards the King’s feet; I was down to four guards , but what I didn’t account for was the backwards motion created by the other 3 guards.

I had collided with the side of the cauldron and howled out in pain, the guards took the opportunity to haul me up; I tried thrashing but every time I moved pain shot through my body. Unable to struggle against the water as it pulled me in I snapped at the guard trying to push my head under’s hand, taking a few fingers with me as I finally submerged.

It was dark for a moment, then I was in an open room able to stand on my feet and move without pain. I heard shuffling somewhere opposite me, the more I moved forward so did it; till I was face to face with a giant beast, black and golden brown, eyes that seemed to look into my soul, and grand antlers with flesh hanging from them. The sickening feeling like I was looking in a mirror sunk into my chest, when I moved the beast moved.

Then it finally spoke, yet it didn’t at the same time. Something ancient I couldn't understand or speak. Yet intrinsically I knew what it was asking me. That if my true nature was like that of the beast itself, that I should just give in. That if I did I would bring all my enemies to their knees, take them all to their graves. It asked if I would accept that part of me, asked if I would accept its offer of power. I nodded, and it stepped forward lowering its head to my level. I stepped forward meeting it there in the middle of the never ending, ethereal space. It pressed its head against me, and then I was taking a large gasping breath as I felt my bones break and reforge, a blinding pain before I could see detail so much sharper then I had been able to, could hear everything as every sense in me heightened. I felt stronger, felt faster, like one of the beasts I hunted in the woods with my friends in the barracks. Then I felt the inky thickness of the Cauldrons water again, I could see my own hands and claws as I reached out and felt the cool metal; I felt the chains around me tighten again ever so slightly before they fell away as I began to haul myself from the black water. It sloshed and spilled over onto the floor as I emerged, blacker than the depths of the shadows that followed me through the woods in the late hours of the night.

I swallowed a breath as I hauled myself over the edge of the cauldron and finally collapsed on the floor; I used my hands to keep me from fully collapsing as I kneeled there and looked up at the King, a deadly promise in my eyes as I snarled a simple “Your head will be mine and I’ll enjoy every minute of it.”

My hair hung in my face, droplets of black water slowly fading to a normal color as I dried, and he smiled in amusement. “Once a beast always a beast.”

I took a breath and looked down at the puddle on the floor, my firs were still wrapped around me though sopping wet but it wasn’t my obviously messed up appearance that shocked me, but the eyes that looked back at me that did. Thin slits like the beast I had seen within those waters stared back, the color still my own but so much different. I heard Azriel call out for me in a strangled noise, I turned my attention sharply towards him to find him looking devastated; I wanted to comfort him, he was such a good male and I was in so much pain I was exhausted, I hauled myself shakily to my feet barely able to make it to him as I collapsed at his side. Nesta called out to me as my vision began to fade, and I saw Cassian lurch forward despite the threat to his life as he screamed for her. I lost my vision just ;as she was going under’ the simple threat to the king, so much calmer than my own, made me smile before I passed out.

I had despised waking up in places I was unfamiliar with, I shot up with a growl before wincing and clutching my side. A small female attempted to calm me down to no avail, till I heard Azriel’s weak voice through the haze.

“Hey Wildling, woah, woah, they are just trying to help. They’re our healers. You're in the Night Court, remember me telling you about this place?” He was on a cot in just his leather pants, a large white bandage around his waist, chest, over one shoulder, and around his massive wings.

I nodded and looked around slowly, all the fae were looking at me terrified and on edge, like they would run from the room at the slightest growl from me.

“Sorry, just caught by surprise.” I mumbled and looked down at the bandages around my own waist, they covered my chest and entire torso.

I didn’t really care about modesty, you live with men for long enough especially mercs and sellsword men that you stop caring, and they stop caring about your own body. Many times I hade changed into my uniform or hunting clothes in front of them while we were all getting ready for the day's assignments. I scanned over the bandages no blood leaked through but everytime I moved It hurt, everytime I took too deep a breath it hurt.

“I’m sure from your experience you can gather what happened?” Azriel’s voice was soft, and a comfort. I wouldn’t admit it, yet anyways until I found out everything that was going on, but I had started to consider him a friend or maybe something even more; I mean those wings were fascinating and from the time we aparred in the back he had experience and when my knee had met his crotch in a low blow, after all who fought fair anymore, he was well endowed.

“I’m one of you now, aren’t I? Elain and Nesta too, just like Feyre.” I quirked a brow at him and he nodded.

“And as for your injuries, what do you assume happened?” He quirked a brow right back at me, a test of my knowledge like we had done with sparring.

“Broken ribs? That pull back had to have enough force to break them, especially when I collided with the cauldron. Severe bruising and maybe even some large gashes? Those chains were tight enough there had to be at least major bruising.” I winced as I adjusted how I was seated.

He nodded with a smile. “Correct to an extent, good job wildling.” His wings flared as he adjusted himself, and I wanted to move forward and help him adjust slow enough he wouldn't hurt himself.

He smiled when I extended my hand to stop him. “Hey im okay, i'm more worried about you right now, I’ve been shot down from the sky with fae bane arrows and survived it. I'll be fine. You however are the one I’m worried about, those chains were tugged back tight enough it had shattered your ribcage and popped at least one of your lungs. Thankfully the fae healing kicked in for you fast enough to keep you alive.”

I nodded in stunned silence. “Just sore and it hurts to move i. Sone directions, I'm breathing fine now.”

“Good! Madja, shes our lead healer here, was worried your healing wouldnt work fast enough since you were freshly made.” Azriel told me in a worried tone, but I could feel it in my chest, feel just how worried he was in my heart; could feel his emotions as well as my own.

I tilted my head in confusion and reached for where I felt him in my chest, my brows furrowed and he straightened.

“Are you okay?” He looked anxious like he was about to call for one of the nurses to help me.

“Im fine just confused? You told me all that information in a worried tone but I felt it here,” I motioned to my chest, “Like it was my own emotion.”

Small gasps echoed across the room and the small nurses fled. Azriel rose from his bed slowly and came to sit at the edge of mine.

“You feel it too then.” He spoke softly to me like he was calming a storm. “I wasnt going to mention it to you right away, both Nesta and Elain didn’t have the best reactions to suddenly having mates.”

“Mates?” I tilted my head quizzically at him. “I’ve heard the word, though I’m not a hundred percent sure what that means or what is expected of me.”

He placed his hand on mine. “Like Feyre and Rhys right?” I nodded. “The Mother, you remember her right? I mentioned she was another one of our ‘gods’ as well.” I nodded again, listening intently.

“Well,” he hummed trying to consider how to word something.”She blesses some fae with mates, or whats called ‘the mating bond’ its a soulbond between two people normally between two fae. Though admittedly both Rhys and I felt it with you and Feyre while you were still humans.”

I moved to squeeze his hand softly with my own. “So, our souls are intertwined with the others?”

He nodded. “That's one way to put it,while you didnt feel it snap till you were turned most likely, i felt it that day I walked into the kitchen to find you washing the blood off your arms and hands. You were just, how do I put it into words, Ethereally beautiful? Darkly enchanting? I don’t know how to word it but you get the picture. I felt the bond snap in my chest and I almost lost myself to the emotions when you looked up at me the way you did, like a flirtatious taunt.”

A blush crept up his face and I felt it creep up my own. I felt his adoration seep into my own chest again and I looked up at him in pure adoration back. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” He smiled.

“Make me feel what you’re feeling?” I furrowed my brows for a second as I tried to send my emotions to him, to show him how I’ve felt about him for a while now without realizing it.

He moved his hand to his own chest, and tears welled in his eyes. “I didn’t even have to explain it to you, see? You’ve already picked it up. All the love you're pushing through to me. Good Job wildling.”

I smiled but then frowned. “I get the physical connection of it now but what is expected of me?”

He smiled and caressed my face gently, thumb running over my cheek bone. “As of right now? Nothing. But if you decide you want to accept it or reject it, then we will have more to discuss.”

I nodded and went to open my mouth but he interrupted me first. “I don’t want you to make a decision right now. Think on it for awhile, process all the changes to your life first okay wildling?”

He smiled sadly and I nodded. I could feel his sadness through the bond though I could tell he wasn't trying to make me feel it, I just could, probably easier than most I assumed since every other sense of mine was heightened. A soft knock rasped against the door and my attention shot to it, Azriel called for whoever it was to come in. Rhys had pushed his head in followed by his entire body.

He nodded at the two of us. “I see you’re both doing well, I owe the both of you an explanation and update on everything.”

So we sat, we sat and listened as Rhys gave us the rundown. How and why Feyre was in the spring court, how she was our inside girl, how eventually she would return. Explained to us Cassian was still out, having experienced a higher dose of fae bane than Azriel, but while he was healing slowly he was still healing and would be okay. Then he finally turned his attention solely on me and gave me a rundown on Nesta and Elain’s health. I must have pushed my grief down the bond to Azriel before the tears had even reached my eyes, because he was already comforting me when the dam burst. Rhys stood silent in front of us, before he congratulated us on our bond and offered me any assistance I would need in adjusting or helping my sisters adjust to the massive change in our lives. Eventually he left ,after some small talk with Azriel, to check on Cassian.

Then it was just me and Azriel again, for the next few weeks it stayed just me and Azriel in our small medical room with check ins from Rhys and Madja. We eventually got the clear and along with that cane the announcement Cassian was awake, we beelined it to his room; he was still on bed rest and would be for the next handful of days as they double checked everything had healed properly and assessed the damage. I was shown to my room right next door to Azriel’s, inside a neatly wrapped box in a blue bow sat on the foot of my bed.

“I asked Rhys to pick it up for me.” He smiled and sent a wave of adoration into my chest.

Opening the box I found a set of folded clothing black pants and a flowy comfy dark blue shirt. I sent a wave of appreciation his way and fingered the silky fabric. “Thank you Az, this is… probably the nicest set of clothing I’ve ever had.”

“Your welcome wildling.” He leaned down to press his forehead to my shoulder. His actions caught me by surprise and nearly had me crying, it was such a pure act of surrender and love; my breath caught in my throat and I had to swallow back sobs as I moved one hand to caress what I could reach for the male.

I had made up my mind then and there what my answer to the bond would be, if anyone could guide me and my ways through the sudden changes it was him. I stepped forward and he furrowed his brows but I turned and planted a kiss on his lips. He let out a mixture of a cry and a whimper when I pulled away, his eyes wide and watery; I turned back towards the clothes, not thinking about the implications as I stripped from my current ones and bandages but was stopped before I could step into the new ones laid out in front of me.

Azriel’s breath caught in his throat as he ran a light touch across a lingering bruise on my skin, goosebumps shot up my skin in a wave of chills that caused me to flinch and wince. Azriel growled softly at the thought of me in pain, or at least that's the impression I got from his side of the bond.

He wrapped himself around me, his hands finding purchase on my chest, causing me to swat at him with a light hearted hiss.

He grumbled back at me, rubbing his hand where I had smacked him in mock defeat. “You shouldn’t be so casual about stripping then. Especially being as hurt as you are, the urge to just protect you and curl up around you is a bit overwhelming right now.”

I rolled my eyes and turned back to my clothes, finally stepping into the new ones. “This is nothing compared to what it used to be like in the barracks.”

“What do you mean?” It was slightly growled out, the tiniest wave of jealousy seeping from his soul to mine.

Without thinking about what he meant or the new emotions in my chest I responded to him. “There were maybe 10-15 of us in the barracks total, I was the only female. Not necessarily common amongst sellswords, yet I kept up with all of them. You all become close like family; I'm sure you get how that feels, I mean you, Cass, and Rhys are like that. But after a point you all just change infront of each other and no one really looks or cares anymore, it just becomes natural, part of the routine in the morning.”

I shrugged it off as I shrugged my shirt over my shoulders, still slightly sore when I stretched my arms above my head. Azriel growled but tried to stop himself, an attempt to remember I hadn’t accepted the bond yet so he had no reason to be feeling jealous and territorial. “Ah, I see, I get what you’re saying though I admit I am a bit envious that 10 or 15 males have seen you shirtless before I did.”

I tried, I really did, to prevent the chuckle that fell from my lips. Azriel growled playfully in response. It was comfortable whatever we had, between all their meetings at the house and the now formed bond between us, I felt safe around him. Behind him neatly hung my cloak and furs, sparkling and pristine as the days I had cured them; yet somehow bigger, I understood with a simple what had happened: they had changed with me.

He caught where my eyes had fallen and smiled at me brightly. “Oh! Rhys said he would bring them to your room, I noticed they were different too. You went into the cauldron small yet ferocious enough you unsettled them, they couldn’t figure out how you were outsmarting them or how you had already killed so many of their comrades. But when you came out, they understood how and why. The cauldron however it forged your body anew, decided that for however ferocious and ambitious you were, you would need a bigger vessel to do it in.”

I hadn’t realized it yet but I only stood a few inches shorter than Azriel did now, eye level with his chin and throat; when before I was much shorter, level to his chest at most. It was then that I caught my reflection in the mirror, my features had indeed sharpened or elongated in spots and I gave off a predatory air about myself without even trying; Azriel stood behind me as I took the sight in. While I knew he was no high lord, the way in which he carried himself said otherwise, in the mirror, I realized we looked like the Lord of shadow and the beast that lurked just within it. A display I noted, however beautiful it was just between us, would have horrified onlookers if it was meant to intimidate. A thought I found quite pleasing.

He rested his head on my shoulder and I let out a low purr in response to the imagery in the mirror. “So. Let's say if I were to accept this bond.” He perked up. “What would be expected or asked of me? What would the process of accepting it be?”

His eyes met mine in the mirror, the smallest change in his scent had alerted me to what affect my questions had on him. A small enough change that if my senses hadn’t heightened more than even Azriel or Rhys’s that I wouldn’t have caught it.

“If you were to accept it,” he crooned, “then my answer would stay the same, I expect nothing of you except to accept my love for you and for you to return it back to me. I have waited centuries to find my mate, and you are so new to the world of the fae I want you to be able to explore it but I also want to be a guiding hand for you to do so. As you know I’m Rhys’s spymaster. I may be gone on missions for up to a week at a time, if you wish I can train you even more and you can eventually join me on them.” His shadows swirled at my feet, I had learned to accept them as an extension of himself from the first time we met, where he went they followed. “Is that acceptable?”

I nodded, a warmth in my chest. “And how would consummating the bond work?” A low purr rumbled from my own chest that ended in his own.

“It's a real simple process, a simple ritual, only differing slightly from the human tradition of marriage. Same significance just without rings.” He placed a kiss on my neck before continuing. “One of us cooks for the other, and presents it to the other to eat. Normally it’s something simple, seeing as the hormones and instincts start to affect us from the first bite we normally can’t scarf a whole meal down. Feyre made Rhys soup. Once the food has been consumed, like I said instincts and hormones take us over, reverting us to nothing more than feral creatures intent on fucking our mates till we collapse. That phase normally takes about a week, then it's a phase of adjusting to life together, heightened emotions, territorial instincts, and being inseparable till the bond calms. That phase however differs between mates.” His eyes bore into me in the mirror, the gold flecks in his hazel eyes sparkled in a feral amusement at my reactions as he spoke.

“So all I’d have to do is cook you something?”I tilted my head giving him more access to my neck as he slowly dragged his lips across the open space, in slow tension filled kisses.

“It depends,” He smirked at me, his canine digging ever so slightly into my skin. “On if you had the intention of accepting the bond or not. You have to make and serve me the food with the intention of accepting the bond.”

I shuddered under him. “I take it Rhys has given you some time off from work, to recover and until Feyre updates us on the situation?”

“Possibly.” He nipped at my neck trying to elicit the same shudder as earlier. “Why do you ask?”

I wanted to groan at him. “Maybe I was considering consummating it. But since you won’t give me a straight answer we will have to wait and see.”

I offered him a smirk back only for it to die on my face quickly, between the heat in his eyes and the growl that rose from his chest.

“Wildling.” He warned, “Do not toy with me, if you have the intent to accept the bond, tell me here and now. If you intend to cook for me I will march you straight to the kitchen and barge into Rhys’s office right now to tell him I’ll be taking the week off entirely.”

I swallowed a shaky breath at the pure power and intimidation he oozed when growling like that, his nose twitched and I assumed he picked up the shift in my scent. “So tell me wildling, do you intend to accept it?”

I swallowed and nodded. “Yes, I do.” It was shaky and broken up as I tried to regain my composure.

“Good” That same growl again, had my knees weakening. “Then I’ll show you to the kitchen.”

And so he did, he led me through the winding halls of the house till we were in the large kitchen and he dismissed himself quickly with a kiss lingering on my forehead. I shuffled through the cabinets noting ingredients as I went, trying to figure out something I could make. Meat, I knew how to cook different meats, had hunted and cooked several different kinds of it, whatever I made him I decided I wanted to have meat in it. Beef I thought or some chicken, I jumped out of my boots when a bundle wrapped in brown butcher paper appeared on the counter in front of me; the house was sentient Azriel had told me but I didn’t think it meant like this.

I unwrapped the bundle, white meat and from the looks of it chicken. Easy to cook, easy to pair with any ingredients I found lying around; my attention was drawn towards a fruit bowl, a lemon topping the pile of fruits. How amusing I thought, for the fae to have fruits from the human lands; only when I had pulled a knife from the wooden block and had split the lemon in half did I realize it wasn’t just a lemon, the taste and smell of it were both much sweeter and stronger yet still held a sour note. I found the spice cabinet and went through it, pulling everything I wanted out; a lemon pepper chicken I decided, simple yet enough to keep his energy up.

I had a tendency to keep my guard up unless I was in a place I ultimately felt safe and with Azriel just down the hall I felt safe enough to lose myself in cooking, it was something I had learned I had enjoyed when I was working in the barracks; I’d hunt down whatever tomorrow’s dinner would be then help the chefs prepare it for storage, then take the hides to be cured and turned into blankets for the barracks or depending on the quality of the pelt. Then when I returned to the kitchen the chef would have the night's dinner out and ready to begin preparing. The chef there was an older gentleman with blonde hair that had turned mostly white by the time I met him; he walked me through everything he did, explaining why and answering any questions he had. However, due to my love for the craft I found it easy to lose focus of the world around me and let my guard down; which was fine, until it wasn’t.

I had been so distracted pan searing the chicken that even with my heightened hearing I had not heard Azriel’s approaching footsteps, he leaned against the archway the led into the kitchen from the dining room silently as I hummed and began plating the chicken; I had been cutting the lemon into a smaller sections to drizzle it over the chicken, knife in hand I turned around to drizzle it on the plate when I heard the smallest of noises from the male. I jumped and spun towards the noise, the knife in my hand thunked into the wall an inch from where Azriel had just been leaning his head as I threw it.

His eyes widened as he jumped away from the wall. “Mother, save me, efficiently deadly even when off guard.”

I clasped at my chest as I panted loudly trying to catch my breath after being startled. “Fuck me! Azriel! Warn a lady!”

He mumbled “I'm trying.” Before actually apologizing for scaring me.

He slid his way onto a barstool and I pushed the plate towards him, he looked between the plate and me before he cut a small piece of the chicken off. He stared at the small piece of chicken and then looked back up to me, with a small nod from me he swallowed the small piece and I could see all the emotions cross his face as he began to scarf down the rest of the small piece. His wings flared ever so slightly as he bit into the last piece on his plate and I rounded the small island, pressing myself between his massive wings, a gesture to sooth him as I felt the cooling air he normally gave off grow in temperature and sweat began to form on his brow line. Then he had finally swallowed the last piece and chugged the small glass of water I had set out to accompany his meal, I had ran my hands over his shoulders and wrapped them loosely around his neck; His hand reached up and grabbed mine before he was pulling me off him and spinning around, capturing me in a tight hug as he pressed his lips to mine. With a growl he was pulling me down the maze of halls and then we had finally reached the set of familiar large grand doors with swirls and lines that reminded me of his shadows carved into them, the small royal blue rug he used as a welcome mat slid under our feet as he pulled me into another kiss while pressing me against the door.

He had managed to pull away enough to fumble with the door knob and finally open the door, his room greeted me with the gorgeous ash colored wooden decor accented in that same blue that matched his siphons. I took a few steps inside, he followed right behind, his shadows closing the door behind us with a click; he wrapped himself around me and his lips found purchase on my neck. I could feel everything coursing through him down the bond, my own emotions, hormones, and instincts beginning to scream louder and louder over any clear thoughts I was having. His scarred hands ,that I had found as a beautiful testament to all he had been through, ran under the soft material of the blue shirt and left goosebumps in its path.

He slipped the shirt off over my head and spun me to face him as he dropped to his knees, pressing several open mouthed kisses to the spattering of scars that adorned my skin. The last coherent thought I had before I lost myself to the haze of the bond was that one day I would kiss over every scar that littered his own skin like he had done with mine, I’d do it as an act of devotion when he thought he wasn’t deserving of anything good in his life.

He pushed me towards his bed, bedecked in blue silk sheets, till I finally fell back on it and he was right there at the foot of it slipping my boots off. He threw them somewhere across the room and then turned back to me with lust blown eyes, I ran my hand across his jaw line and leaned down to press a kiss against his lips; he replied with a soft moan and as he pulled away he began slipping the pants down my legs, ripping the only covering left on my body like the feral beast he currently was. His fingertips dug into the skin of my thighs as he held them apart, licking his lips with a smirk as he lapped from me like a stray hound. I can’t remember how long we were there but he repeatedly brought me crashing down over the edge on his tongue and fingers, the haze cleared ever so slightly as he threw me further up his bed and settled himself between my hips; my legs wrapped around his hips as he nipped at my neck and throat, a moan fell from my lips as he came to rest the head of his cock against my opening.

My mouth fell open as he sheathed himself inside me, capturing my lips in his as the moan I screamed echoed off the walls of his room. My legs tightened around his hips holding him close to me as I adjusted to his size, I wasn’t a lady by any means, I had fooled around with the males in the barracks occasionally when tensions were running high after some stressful patrol or hunt but they were all nothing in comparison to the sheer mix of Azriel’s girth and length. While with my newfound growth spurt the stretch didn’t particularly hurt it was still an adjustment, my mind wandered to those nights my mind had drifted to imagining him between my legs instead of my own hand. Azriel’s name was like a prayer falling from my lips as he slammed himself into me, our moans and pants mixing together as we called out each other's names. We were there, slotted together for what felt like ages until his hips stuttered and his wings flared, finally coming undone inside of me after he had brought me repeatedly to the edge and past it.

As he finally released inside of me, I felt the bond in our chest sing as it solidified and could then feel every ounce of pleasure he had received, if the growl that escaped his throat was any indication of him being able to feel my own, the pride he sent my way was. He finally pulled himself away from me and moved to stand, placing a kiss to my lips that I returned eagerly as he stepped into the attached bathroom. Exhaustion slowly started to come over me as I awaited the male, he returned to me and I couldn't help myself but to pull him back on top of me with another heated kiss.

He let out a mix of a growl and a laugh. “Look if we keep going down this track the bath I just drew for us will be cold by the time we are actually able to return to it.”

I sighed and relented, letting him carry me to the bathroom where with his help we both sunk into the warm clear water. He held me against his chest and began to run his fingers through my hair as he hummed a soft melody, I started to drift off with my head on his shoulder and he happily let me. He woke me when the water started to get cold, stepping out before me he wrapped a towel around his waist then helping me out and wrapping my own towel around me. My legs were still semi-shaky so he happily elected to carry me back to the bed, dropping both towels at the foot of the bed; he pulled back the sheets letting me crawl under them he followed behind me, pulling me to his chest we managed to get a few hours of sleep before he was slotting himself back between my legs and my hands found purchase at the spot where the membrane of his wings met his skin. The moan that left his mouth as he shuddered above me would never leave my thoughts, neither would the sensitivity of his wings.

It took us about two weeks before we were able to leave the confines of his room, finally going back to training was a relief especially after we had moved my belongings into his room earlier that morning. However Azriel was still overly territorial of me so Cassian found himself pouting as he sparred with Rhys. We had kept that routine until Azriel’s territorial behavior had lessened as long as I was within eyesight, Rhys was finally able to teach me how to control my mental shield and prevent daemati attacks. I had become a natural quickly between training with Rhys and sparring with Azriel as he furthered my teachings on fighting, we were in the middle of sparring when Rhys announced the boys would need to fetch Feyre and the friend that was accompanying her out of Spring Court. I had kissed Azriel goodbye and wished him well as he and Cassian took to the sky, I had decided to take the opportunity to fully explore the house; I had either been too entertained in Azriel, injured, or busy to fully explore it earlier.

I pushed a semi-large door open to be greeted with isles of bookshelves, a hearth that wasn’t lit, a long table with many chairs, and a few small loveseats in front of the hearth with a small coffee table and rug. Inside sat Nesta, who scowled at me, a handful of books whose genre matched what she and Elain enjoyed reading; I had no doubt she was reading them to Elain, Rhys had kept me updated on my sister's conditions.

“Sister…” A half-hearted acknowledgement as she turned back to the isles picking another book out.

“Nes! You look good! You could eat a bit more but-”I happily circled her taking her in before she cut me off.

“You look like you’ve adjusted to this life well.” It was a bitter acknowledgement that I did indeed look and act better than both her and Elain did right now.

“Well, Yes I have, Azriel has been a great help with everything-” She started towards the exit and I followed behind her.

“Well, you were always the wild one, I suppose it's fitting for the beast to feel at home amongst them.” I stopped in my tracks and she pushed her way out of the library.

“Nes..” I reached out for her but the door shut without her even looking back.

I tried to block my emotions from flooding Azriel while he was on the mission, simply sighing and turning back to the shelves around me; I plucked a random book from a shelf and made my way back to Azriel and I’s room, our room. The comforting shadows carved into his door were a happy sight as I oh so elegantly threw myself onto the black loveseat he had moved from my room into here, grabbing a fur blanket I made myself at home on the small couch with my book and some tea graciously provided to me by the house. Maybe once Feyre was back it would knock some sense into Nesta and Elain, I could hope at least.

I felt a calling from the bond an hour later, Azriel had made it back with Cassian, Feyre, and that red-headed male that had stepped towards Elain. I bounded up the stairs, racing through the halls and then finally slid into the living room. Feyre was wrapped in Rhys’s arms and I threw myself into Azriel’s welcoming him back with a kiss, Feyre whipped her head around to look at us; Rhys hadn’t told her we had accepted the bond yet, so when she found out she happily congratulated us. I pulled her into a crushing hug, which she tapped out of just as Rhys had called a meeting that had the entire inner circle making their way into the sitting room with us.

Mor happily smiled and waved at me, she had watched me spar with Az and train with Rhys and when the boys just needed to absolutely deck each other she would lead me up one balcony to where her and Amren set up a small little tanning spot. Amren, while Azriel had described her as this terrifying creature based on the energy she gave off, had only ever seemed as an equal to me. I had never felt that overwhelming power like the boys had described to me, she gave me a small smile and sat on the other side of me. While tucked into Azriel’s side with Amren’s foot touching my own in a comfortable silence, Nesta and Elain finally entered the room. It was a long night but eventually after a heated argument between my sisters everyone was dismissed, my sisters being allowed to keep to their own devices.

Azriel was sparring with Cassian and I had found myself holed up in Amren’s apartment with her doing puzzles when we had gotten an emergency call from Rhys. Amren and I both sped out of her apartment and we were off towards the mountain house, Azriel and Cassian picking us up and bringing us up the stairs to save us some time. We had been informed of the break in to the library, Amren and I were both on edge this understanding between us, when one was on edge then the other was too. Rhysand had asked her to comb through the rest of Velaris that night to see if any other uninvited guests were hidden amongst us, Amren invited me with her and I happily agreed. Azriel covered me with my furs and cloak and kissed my forehead as I set off to join Amren in this makeshift hunt.

It seemed like a back to back eventful week, I had crawled back into bed beside Azriel extremely late at night or extremely early in the morning depending on how you looked at it and it felt like I had just fallen asleep when Azriel awoke me in an emergency. Azriel had hurriedly told me Adriata was under attack and I slipped into the leathers Azriel had made for me adding my furs and cloak back onto my shoulder, next thing I know I’m in the bloodied streets of Adriata beside Mor and Feyre, Azriel and Cassian somewhere in the skies with whatever other forces Rhys had scrounge together on such short notice. I had been pulled into a hallway by someone whose armor I recognized as the enemy held me in a chokehold and I couldn’t get a grip on them due to how they had my arms restrained, an idea graced me as their arm rubbed against my face in my struggle. I growled before opening my mouth and latching my sharpened teeth into their arm, they screamed and relaxed their grip; it was enough of a give I was able to tear my mouth away from their arm and turn on them before tearing their head from their shoulders, a trick Amren had taught me. I rejoined their side and they both gave me a look that questioned if I was okay without the words leaving their mouth.

Then we were back home, and I was more than thankful to rinse the blood from my face. Nesta seemed to be coming around slowly as she worked with Amren, Elian was still pale and distant but was slowly coming around with Nuala and Cerridwen. Everything had seemed like it was going okay when Rhys and my sister finally announced the meeting with the rest of the high lords. I stayed beside Azriel the entire time we were there, it had seemed like negotiations were going fairly okay, yes there was people acting suspicious of others but with a war on the horizon who wouldn’t be suspicious of others, until Eris had opened his mouth about what had happened to Mor; she had confided in me what had happened one day when I had seen the scars while we were tanning, Eris’s words had enraged me and Azriel as well. If I hadn’t been enraged I was sure Azriel could have kept his composure if it wasn’t for my added emotions screaming down the bond.

Azriel reached across the table and had decked Eris, I stood from my own chair when Eris had landed a hit against Azriel’s cheek; a growl had ust echoed from my chest when the fight was called off. That had been the start of the downwards spiral of the first day of the meeting, Tamlin showing up and portraying my sister the way he did was enough for Azriel to defend her and when Azriel was dismissed out of hand it took everything I had in me to not rip Tamlin’s throat out; thankfully I was still able to threaten to do it. With tensions so high the first day of the meeting was called, the rest of the circle retired to our quarters with Helion in tow.

The second day started out alright, we all thought all tensions or issues had been aired, by the mother were we wrong. Interrupting us in the middle of a thought Nesta had screamed while the hairs on the back of my neck raised and we heard a loud crackle and roar, the color had drained from everyone’s faces as we realized what that had meant, the wall had fallen.

It had been months of war, fight after fight had everyone exhausted, and we all knew the last leg of the fight was nearing. Elain had been kidnapped by the cauldron, Nesta felt like she was guilty for opening the bridge that had let that happen; Azriel had calmed me while I destroyed the inside of the tent we all stood in at the news she had been taken, had let me get the anger that I failed to protect both of my younger sisters now. Then Feyre was concocting a plan and going into the enemy camp as Ianthe, Feyre was rescuing Elain while also rescuing an additional person with the help of Tamlin and Jurian. It was only after this we had found out Juriuan was a spy and was actually on our side, but they wouldn’t make it out with the naga-hounds on their tails and Azriel had to help rescue them. I had been panicked enough at the thought of my sisters in danger but from across the hills I watched as a naga-hound had sunk its fangs into Azriel’s wings, the scream that left me was gut wrenching as I felt the pure pain my mate was in.

Finally everyone was back in the camp, Azriel in the med-tent being cared for by Madja the thought of losing his ability to fly due to permanent damage to his wings looming over both of our heads. I knew how much flying meant to him, but the final day of the fight was upon us and I wasn’t going to let my sisters be on that field without me. I had come face to face with the weaver while I was out on the field, she had stopped and acknowledged me with a small smirk before she continued on her bloody rampage. Bryaxis and the Carver were there as well, I had crossed paths with them once or twice, and we had covered each other's back, why they had done it? I haven't a clue, but I assumed they recognized the rage beginning to boil under my skin, that had finally started to rear its head as I ripped those that opposed me apart. Whatever it was that lurked under my skin snapped as I heard Nesta scream, my vision blurred and I felt that terrible snap of my bones as I blindly ran towards my sisters.

It was as my vision cleared that I truly recognized what my gift from the cauldron was, what I had agreed to in the depths of the cauldron when faced with the beast that lurked there. I loomed over the fae scattered about the grounds around me, some shrieked in horror others stood stunned, I felt something thrashing against my mouth and gritted my teeth, biting down i felt the familiar crunch of bones yet it was all so different as a scream erupted and the taste of blood filled my mouth. I had become the same beast I faced inside the cauldron, I felt the energy that thrummed through me as I raced towards where I felt my sisters. As I reached the top of the hill I saw our father there, when had he joined the battle? How long had I been enraged?

Cassian was there too, Nesta covering his body wit her own, and the King had a sickening smirk on his face. My father stood between Nesta and the King, a pit formed in my stomach as read filled me, one paw in front of the other I tried to force my body forward. Before I can blink the King has my father’s head in his grasp, a sickening snap has me charging forward as our father slumps to the floor. A blur of movement, as my vision begins to blur again, then I’m towering over the King. I hear Elain scream as they snap closed around the King and his headless body slumps to the ground beside our fathers, his blood tasted bitter and I feel the crunch of his skull collapsing in on itself within my mouth. I let it fall from my mouth and watch as it awkwardly rolls a few inches from where it had hit the ground. Elain has a bag of medical supplies and moves to stand by Nesta and Elain, our eyes catch on eachother and there's an understanding there, they recognize me.

“Sister…’Elain barely mumbles it.

I stand in shock before I feel the bones in my body cracking again, exhaustion crashes into me and I’m back in my fae body. I can’t even take a step before I’m collapsing and hearing yet another heartbroken scream from across the field, my vision blurs like that time back in the throne room after the cauldron.

I hear murmuring when I finally come back too, based on the smell and colors I’m able to figure out I’m in the med tent. Azriel is in the bed to my left, still healing from his wounds the hounds caused. He looks like he's been crying and I try to push myself up to comfort him, all the voices silence all at once; the rest of the circle stands around me and Azriel, Madja helps me sit up and it's only then I realize it's not only me and Azriel there, Cassian is in a cot across from Azriel and Amren in one across from me and Rhys is being looked over while he sits on a stool in the center of the four of us.

It's Azriel’s voice that finds its way to me first. “Hey Wildling, good to see you awake, take it easy. You overdid it out there, but you still did it, you took the king down. According to Cass, you ripped his head straight off his body. Good job Love.”

It's a bitter smile in his voice. “I remember that, what happened after? It's all a blur.”

Cassian's astonished laugh is my answer “You ripped his head off, ended the whole thing, then you changed back from whatever that huge creature version of you was and passed out.”

“It's what I saw when I went under in the cauldron. That beast is my gift, I guess.” I dryly answered back, still sore from the pain in my bones.

It was then after we had cleared up what had happened with me, with the king did Feyre, Rhys, and Amren tell us what all else happened. Rhys had died, Feyre had felt the bond break and begged the lords to give him his life back. Amren had sacrificed herself for us too, she technically had died, sacrificed the ancient part of herself and was now just a regular high fae. Our father was dead, and the war was over. Life could somewhat return to normal, and I was grateful.

Finally Solstice was rolling around and everyone could breath somewhat normally, Azriel and Cassian had both healed nicely. Azriel and I had grown even closer and stronger, we had thrown around the idea that sometime after the solstice we would do an actual ceremony that mated fae did when they decided to marry. I had been ecstatic, we had cried the night he suggested it and had made love for hours, staying in bed the next day till well after the sun was over the mountain.

I had managed to get some time to do solstice shopping today since Azriel was out on a mission from Rhys, he said he would be back before dinner tonight. It had felt like I had searched every shop, yet I still couldn't find something for Azriel. Everyone else I had gotten something, even Nesta though I knew it was unlikely she'd be there with her current habits; she had asked to be left alone so I left her alone.

For Mor I had found a pretty red night dress that was incredibly thin and strappy with a slit that easily would’ve reached her navel, for Amren a pair of sapphire earrings with a matching bracelet set, for Cassian a set of training wraps for his hands as he had taken to complaining about the new scars there bugging him, for Rhys a set of small purple cufflinks, Elain a book I had found talking about gardens and plant life throughout the courts, Feyre I had got a set of canvases made from incredibly nice materials and the stuff to make your own p[aint like she had when we were younger, Nesta a collectors set of books she had often read as a child i had to admit I asked Rhysand to get them from the human lands for me, but Azriel? I was clueless. When asked he said he wanted nothing, but by the mother I was going to get him something. It was only after I turned into another shop that I spied the smallest thing in a glass case out of the corner of my eyes.

Elain had asked if a tonic for his headaches from Madja would be a good gift, as the male did often battle headaches from his terrible sleep regime. There was one thing he complained about, especially more often now that the colder months were approaching; the scars on his hands would often become sore, sometimes they would become so painful he couldn’t spar or even write. In a small glass case I spied a silk pair of gloves, I knew there was an enchanter in Velaris and was quick to purchase the soft gloves. I wanted to get him soft gloves so they wouldn’t catch on the scars, a bell ringed above me as I pushed the door to the enchanter open. An older male greeted me, and I passed him the gloves explaining what kind of enchantment I wanted to put on them; he nodded knowingly and brought them into the back to get to work, he returned them to me half an hour later folded and wrapped in blue tissue paper. I thanked him cheerily and paid him generously for his work.

Back at home I sat criss-cross on the floor, wrapping the gifts in shimmery black paper and wrapping them with blue bows. Eventually calling Rhys to hide them away with the rest of the presents like Azriel had told me to do. I decided to take a nap on the couch and Azriel had returned right on cue, well before dinner was to start. We made our way to the townhouse for dinner that was beginning to be decorated for solstice, after everyone had ate and said their goodnights Azriel swept me into the air; a tradition we had started after family dinners was to go on a flight across Velaris, I’d be clutched tight against Azriel’s chest as we soared above the city and finally back to the house on top of the mountain. I had happily curled up on his side that night as the solstice crept closer.

When finally the day of solstice had come around, Azriel had brought me down to the town house, kissed me goodbye, and informed me he would be back before dinner. The other two illyrian males disappeared with him, and I helped my sisters with preparations. Mor and Feyre disappeared together for a few hours, it was well after noon when everyone had finally returned from their little snowball fight; Rhys and Cassian were pouting as they kicked the snow off their boots upon entering the town house. My mate proudly walked in behind them, head held high, very obviously the winner. I pressed a kiss to his lips and congratulated him and in response he deepened it, slipping his tongue into his my mouth for a second before Rhys and Cassian were faking gagging noises.

Eventually the time for presents rolled around and everyone had started exchanging gifts, then Nesta had showed up in a pretty rough condition. I hugged her and pulled her to sit beside me, pressing the boxes from Elain and I into her hands; tears had welled in her eyes when she saw what I had gotten her but she caught herself before they fell and simply thanked me with a hug. Everyone else exchanged presents, save for a few of us mates, Rhys and Feyre hadnt publicly exchanged gifts and neither had Az and I. We celebrated Feyre’s birthday and then Az and I went out to Elain’s gardens, which had been decorated with strings of faelights. I asked Az if I could give him my gift first, to which he easily agreed and I presented him with the gloves. He slipped them on over his hands and tears found themselves in his eyes as he thanked me and peppered me with kisses, eventually he composed himself and asked me to close my eyes to which I agreed.

I heard a crunch as he shifted around in his spot, “Alright, open them.”

Tears filled my eyes at the sight in front of me, Azriel was kneeled in front of me, a ring box presented out to me.

“I know we already discussed this and both agreed to it, but I hadn’t got you a ring to symbolize it yet.Happy Solstice my wildling.” He stood and slipped the ring onto my finger.

We had returned inside to find everyone else passed out or in their room,we slipped into ours just like everyone else.

A few months later Feyre was announcing her pregnancy, we had all celebrated together and that night had flipped a switch in Azriel, neither of us had really known the male had a thing for breeding until the thought of us being in Feyre and Rhys’ position had crossed his thoughts, that night was filled with breathy moans and the sound of skin pounding against skin. Yet the simple act was enough to satiate Azriel’s hunger, to satiate us both really.

Feyre had a difficult pregnancy but pulled through, Nesta sacrificed her powers to save Feyre’s life and before we knew it. Feyre was pregnant with her second and Azriel became hungrier and more feral when he fucked me, claiming his instincts were screaming at him to repeatedly fill me.

It had all been okay until Nesta and Casssian had their first born, a whole new side to Azriel unlocked. I had never seen Azriel as jealous as he was the day we all sat around the living room, the infant in Nesta’s arms and Cassian leaning over her shoulder to wiggle his finger at the small girl whose wings flapped happily. Nyx was six at the time and had eagerly climbed into my head to hug me, ever the affectionate child unlike his sister who wanted nothing to do with anyone since her birth. Azriel’s eyes caught on me holding and rocking the six year old and I felt the pride roll down the bond from him, I sent him a joyous wave back.

It was only when Cassian and Nesta passed me their daughter did I really feel how jealous Azriel had become of the little families his brothers had crafted. As the small girl placed her tiny hand around my own an dI began to tear up as she smiled happily at me with the biggest grin on her face, I looked over to Az and saw the emotion in his eyes, a mix of lust, jealousy, and pride. I offered the small babe to him and he took her in his massive hands, adorned with the silk gloves I had bought him all those years ago. She wrapped her hand around one of his fingers and he looked up at me with massive puppy dog eyes.

Azriel’s birthday approached quickly, and I knew above all else there was thing he wanted for his birthday. I had felt it enough through the bond, every time he would see his brothers with their small families a small wave of jealousy and want would be sent through to me. Cassian’s daughter had just started walking, took her first steps today because she had wanted her father and he was just out of her reach on the couch, Azriel had been witness as she threw herself in Cassian’s arms; he had come down to our room that night upset, had cried in my arms how he had wanted what they have. It wasn’t that we were doing anything to prevent a pregnancy but when both of my sisters had conceived they had taken potions to boost their fertility. Which led me to Azriel’s birthday gift and the current appointment I had with Madja.

With the potion secured the day of his birthday, thanks to Rhys’s wonderful distraction, I was able to wrap it in a small box and hide it within our room. After hiding it I had made it back to the kitchens just as Rhys and Azriel had returned, Azriel pressed a kiss to my lips and Nyx had run in and threw himself onto Az in a bear hug. It was an endearing sight that had me hoping that with the addition of the potion Madja had made me soon enough our own son would be doing that to his father.

Dinner had gone off without a hitch, Nyx and his 4 year old sister Aurora lit up the table with their argument over whether or not Helion’s pegasi hatched from eggs like birds or were live births like horses. Nyx was getting fed up with Aurora's egg theory since he had asked ‘Grandpa Helion’ himself last time they had gone there, Arora was 2 and he had been 6 so of course he knew what he was talking about. Rhysand was rubbing his temples in agony, apparently the children had been having this argument all day, and wouldn’t let any adult butt in and settle it.

Eventually all the kids tired themselves out and everyone started toting them to their rooms, Rhys had hugged AZriel wishing him a goodnight, Feyre taking the chance to whisper to me a goodluck with a wink her mate not far behind her with a smirk and a nod in my direction as they headed off for their wing of the manor. Cassian and Neesta had left almost right after cake due to their daughter completely crashing and passing out at the table in her high chair.

Azriel smiled and let out a soft sigh. “Thank you for planning this love, it was a nice night.” he placed a kiss to my temple with a small content hum.

“It only gets better from here Az.” I smirked and he wiggled his brows in response.

“Oh yeah?” a smirk flitted onto his features.

“Yep. Still have to give you your present.” I nodded smugly and started pulling him towards our chambers.

He followed , curiosity evident as he tried to repeatedly guess what I had gotten him, guess after guess fell from his lips. Before Madja would give me the potion she had to check and make sure that if I managed to conceive it wouldn’t be a risk to my health since I didn’t have the magical benefit from Nesta’s powers that my sisters did, but thank the cauldron literally, because when it gave me my gift the growth spurt affected all of my bones including my hips so I was safe to carry his child. We made it into our room, my furs hung up on a coat rack beside the wing-suited coat I had got him last solstice and beside them a end table we used as a catch-all. I had hidden it here in the drawer because we always just threw stuff on top of it and went on collapsing into bed at night after rough missions.

He furrowed his brow as I pulled the box out and handed it to him, I gestured for him to open the small box and he stilled when he saw the small vial.

His eyes darted between me and the vial, tears began to well in his eyes. “Is this…”

He had to bite back a sob so I finished the thought for him. “The fertility boost both my sisters used when they conceived? Yeah it is, I finally got approved by Madja for it.”

He dropped to his knees holding the vial and sobbing. “Thank you, my wildling, thank you.”

I took a few steps towards him prompting him to stand up and pulled him into a deep hug, until he composed himself and stopped crying.

He handed me and the vial with a pleading look on his face. “Can we use it tonight?”

I took it from him and popped the cork out of the small bottle, shooting the terrible tasting liquid into my mouth. I wiped my mouth as I smirked back at him. “That's the plan shadowsinger.”

His shadows curled happily around my feet as I pulled him into a deep kiss, slowly coaxing him farther and farther into our room as I managed to strip his clothes from him. Then when we had finally gotten close enough to the bed, I pulled him down on top of me while I nipped at his jawline. I could feel the effects of the potion slowly start taking effect, I had been told it would increase the amount of lubricant my body produced as well as a dull throbbing ache within my ovaries and uterus.

Azriel realized fairly quickly he was the only naked one and ripped my clothes from my body, his head dropped to my core and he buried his tongue inside of, bringing me to orgasm a handful of times. Eventually satisfied with the taste of me on his tongue, he buried himself to the hilt inside of me and I could feel the tip of him kiss my cervix. I screamed his name until my throat was hoarse that night, only soothed when he had spilled a handful of times into me and finally pulled out only to replace my dripping cunt with my mouth instead.

We slept in the entirety of the next day, either wrapped up in each other as the potion boosted fertility for 48 hours, or sleeping and recovering some energy; though there had been many times we had fallen asleep together with him still buried deep inside of me so as not to waste anything. I had made a promise with Madja that I'd start checking in with her weekly after the potion was consumed and the effects had come and gone, so if I was to get pregnant from this night, we would catch it as early as possible to start me on the correct vitamins and set up a care plan immediately.

As I laid there in Azriel’s arms I could only hope that thanks to the potions help his seed would take root and I would be able to grant him this one small thing he so desperately deserved. His snores lulled me into my own sleep and in my heart were that bond sung and glowed brightly I had a feeling the intended result would in fact take root.

#acotar x reader #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #acotar fanfiction #azriel acotar #azriel x reader #azriel shadowsinger x reader #azriel shadowsinger

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lets-try-some-writing · 2 months

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What’s the TFP kids as sparklings unique signature calls?

Dang its been a hot minutes since I did TFP kids as sparklings. For the sake of understanding, I will stick to using their humans names for now. To answer your question, here are their calls.

━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙ ━━━━━━━━━━━━

Rafael took the longest to create a unique signature call. Being a minicon, his ability to vocalize was not as strong right off the bat. As such, for a rather long time he stuck to the base call that all sparklings have. It concerned Optimus quite a bit when Rafael simply didn't seem to have any intention of developing a call at all. However, as cycles passed and Optimus and the team listened closer, they determined he did have a unique call, it was just very difficult to pick out on its own.

Rafael's call was a short and high pitched whistle that bordered on a chirp. It could even sound like a shriek if he went high enough in pitch. It scared the ever living daylights out of Smokescreen when on a long night, when he went to go wander around and hopefully ease himself back into recharge, a terrifying cry echoed in the base. He may or may not have screamed and tripped over the nearest object, but the team don't speak of it often. They've all been startled by Rafael's short and sweet banshee like shrieks on occassion.

Miko, being a flier, developed a call almost as soon as she settled into her Cybertronian frame permanently. Most sparklings tend to create a call that is entirely unique, but fliers have a particular method to their creation process. They pick pieces of their parents calls and then integrate those pieces into a new call. No flier call is every really unique, instead is carries history and lineage. Particularly skilled fliers who are familiar with various houses can pick up a family line just by hearing a bot's signature cry.

Generally Cybertronians stop using their calls after they get out on their own. They only begin using it again when they have a sparkling of their own since it allows the sparkling to track them. With this in mind, Miko took Optimus's gentle melody of a call and combined it with Starscream's shotgun like shriek in order to create a sound which Agent Fowler has described as: "Incoming missiles and Gatling guns". Many a time those who are not used to Miko have flung themselves behind cover when her slowly increasing call echoes around the area.

Compared to his siblings, Jack came up with the tamest call. Against what one might think, warframes tend to develop the calmest and most composed calls. Smaller frame types need to be loud and in charge with their calls in order to scare off predators and get the attention of others. But warframes? They don't need to bother with anything like that. Instead they need to try to show that they are not as wild as one might expect. It is the Cybertronian equivalent to the puppy dog eyes small creatures on Earth perform to get attention and sympathy.

Much like his Sire, Jack created a more sing-songy call. It was a simple two note tune going from high to low in frequencies that only a Cybertronian can pick up. To humans, he is totally silent. But to a Cybertronian, he is singing a soft high low tune intended to catch the attention of the person he is trying to interact with and nothing else. He doesn't need to scare them. He just needs momentary attention. If he really wanted something, screaming is a far more effective option.

#transformers #maccadam #transformers prime #optimus prime #team prime #alternate universe #tfp kids as sparklings #jack darby #miko nakadai #rafael esquivel #smokescreen #cybertronian culture #cybertronian biology

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hezuart · 6 months

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New helluva boss episode is out, any thoughts?

Season 1 Fizz: Robo Fizz was mean and called children ugly. Real Fizz called his guests “freaks”. Called Moxie an "ugly little bitch". Bragged about his fame and the money made off his robots and was even really pissed off his robot was destroyed at that theme park and wanted to sue

Season 2 Fizz: Extremely insecure, extremely nervous, hates the robots produced in his image, never bad mouths anyone and is really kind and nice to his competition, knows ASL and gives inspiration to children

Who on earth is this guy???? You’re not Fizz??? By god, she’s done it again! Another male main character has been uwuified!! 😰When will it end???

~~~

Mammon: “You’ll be like the son I never had!” Fizz is elated at this, but Blitz’s dad already treated Fizz like the son he never had? Literally gave him a card saying he wished Fizz was his son. He was treated super well and was the most beloved within his circus. I mean, he did lose that, and him explaining everything he has is because of Mammon, and so I get it, he has an attachment to all this. I like that we are expanding on his character, but I feel like its overdone. The insecurity is a little too much. The panic attacks are a little too much. (Dude lost his arms and legs in a freak fire accident and its a creepy fan that he probably has to deal with on a daily basis that sets him off? I feel like he would be a tad bit mentally and physically stronger to deal with. I mean, he fricken talked back to STRIKER, a serial killer holding him for ransom locked in a cage last episode??? But he freezes up when an annoying fan criticizes him? Just feels inconsistent.)

Mammon saying “If you’re a chick, give up on your dreams, because woman ain’t funny” and then Vivziepop’s name appearing in the corner… there’s so much to unpack there. I think Viv meant it as like “I’m a woman, so I can write that joke!” or “I’m a woman, who wrote this show and is therefore funny so Mammon is wrong and it's ironic!” But it's been established that Viv neglects and mistreats her female characters. They’re either all bitches or cardboard cut outs whose entire existences revolve around a male character. It’s low-key sexist. On top of the fact that, Viv may not actually be funny because most of the actually funny jokes in the show were written by Adam and Brandon, who are both men. So its VERY ironic, but not in the way she believes it to be.

The irony of Mammon hiring an Imp who idolizes him only to exploit him and treat him like garbage… weren’t their exworkers of spindle horse that felt that way?

Some people think that Fizz’s creepy fan is like.. Viv’s poke at her critics but I don’t see a comparison at all. This guy is a super super big fan that wants to work with Fizz, which isn’t what the Viv critics want. I’m pretty sure that’s the whole point- is that they want nothing to do with her? So I’m pretty sure this guy just represents a creepy fan, which everyone gets. Like a Syndrome character.

Also in season 1, Blitz killed imps left and right for Stolas, but when that fan is actually getting close to Fizz and threatening his life, Blitz doesn’t kill him on site. He just hits him with a gun. Thank goodness he kills him later but Blitz has never really been discreet. It was just weird forced timing I guess. Season 1 Blitz would have never hesitated. He would have killed that guy on site.

I will never get over Asmodeus’s weird coat, his anatomy changes with whatever he’s wearing lkdsgjldkfj

Mammon and Fizz are pretty much just Valentino and Angel Dust , but no physical exploitation (other than his robo replicas)

The Glam and Glitz sisters are really cool I’m obsessed with their performance, but we go right back to Viv’s 2 types of women: bitches. They’re bitches to each other too. They’re sisters who have like amazing choreography and on stage chemistry, and yet they constantly fight, like… how do they even function

ALSO THEY GOT TOM HARDY TO SING HE’S NARRATING THE COMPETITION YOU GOT THE INTERNET’S FAMOUS MUSICAL COMEDIAN TO SING A SONG FOR YOUR “COMEDY” SHOW WHERE THE SONG ISN’T EVEN FUNNY It looks like he wrote it himself but… if even Tom can’t make it funny then who can???? I’m mad on his behalf

Also… the ASL imp

…. “I want to be a clown just like you! : D “ Fizz: Exploited for money as a clown ever since he was young, gained a boatload of insecurity because his boss was so pushy, forced to deal with sexual encounters, sold his likeness into a popular sex doll without actually wanting to, lost his arms and legs in a freak fire accident because the circus tents aren’t safe- Also Fizz: “You can do whatever you want to : ) “ This would have been a sweet moment if this wasn’t Helluva Boss!!!!!! This is Hell!!! what on earth are you doing Viv!!!! Kid pls do literally anything else with your life Also how and why does Fiz know ASL

Ozzie and Fizzie getting a love song is cheesy you know, but…. Stolas X Blitz fans wish man… they WISH Oz x FIz is literally just the better Stolas x Blitz. Like this what the Stolitz fans want but its given to the side characters for some reason. Fizz’s end song was nice but All our main characters are just so flat Sad uwu special sweeties that have done nothing wrong... I'm just so sad to see them become former shadows of their badass selves. Our main characters were greedy, selfish, mean, sometimes creepy assholes. Now they're not. It was either an accident, they're hypocrites, or they were abused- and im like... this is Hell, can't we still have our main demon characters be assholes? I'm so curious what the explanation is gonna be for Blitz x Verosika. Is she gonna be framed as the bitch who ruined the relationship? Did Blitz "accidentally" steal her car and credit card because he was drunk? Like what else are we gonna strip away so he's "relatable"?

Nice to see Wally Wackford back I missed him

I like how fiery Ozz’s design gets Ozzie confessing he loves Fizz to an entire crowd so all of Hell knows and everyone is like “OMG I KNEW IT! GOOD FOR THEM!” Being with a low class demon was something to be ashamed of. A power imbalance. Something seen as taboo in Hell. Now we have 3 top sin embodiments dating the lowest of low class in Hell and not only do people not care negatively, they’re happy for them. There’s no stakes. Our main characters can do whatever they want “You’re gonna regret revealing that Ozz!” how who are you gonna tell? the romance police? fricken Now we have Mammon! Add him to the reoccurring villains I guess!!!! yeesh

(Clowns are apparently also like… influencers in this world for some reason???? I still don't understand Vivziepop's clown obsession I think this is just not my jurisdiction )

All things considered, not a bad episode for season 2, but im kinda at the point where I don't think helluva boss is gonna deliver anything outside of abused main characters with cute relationships I don't think they're gonna do anything else

#helluva boss critical #vivziepop critical #text post #ask

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outsideratheart · 1 year

Text

Welcome to Colney (Leah Williamson x reader)

Summer 2022 changed your life. Winning the Copa América wasn’t new to you nor the Brazilian national team but this year was the first tournament where you was the captain of your team. It was an honour and a privilege to wear the armband but it came with pressure and responsibilities that you weren’t expecting. Your performance caught the eyes of several clubs but one stood out from the rest, Arsenal. The decision to move to the legendary English club was made easier when Rafa told you they made her an offer too. It was chance to play football with your best friend at club level for the first time in your careers.

“Are you nervous?” Rafa asked as you pulled up to the training facilities. There would be no training today but the club wanted to celebrate the players who had been crowned champions over the summer.

You shake your head.

“Not even to play with a new team in a new country?”

Truth is you were nervous about learning a new style but you also knew you had to lead by example.

“I welcome the challenge”

“Of course you do”

You arrived to find the entire team, both men and women, outside the front of the building. The sight itself was a little bit daunting but you would let them know that.

“Y/N! Rafaelle!” Jonas is the first to spot you and calls you over.

He introduces you to the team but there seems to be one person missing; your English counterpart Leah Williamson.

It is only when you see Beth Mead and Lotte Wubben-Moy sporting their medals do you realise that you have left yours in the car. Rafa volunteers to go them and in her absence you find yourself gravitating towards your fellow Brazilians on the men’s team.

You are so deep in conversation with Gabi that you don’t realise the women’s team has gathered for a photo.

“Desculpe” you quickly run over where you are instructed to stand in the middle.

Seconds before the photo is taken you feel a hand grab your waist and it sends a shockwave through your body. When you turn to face the owner of said hand you see a shy looking blonde with flushed cheeks.

“I’m Leah” she holds her hand out for you to shake once the photographer says she’s happy for the shots she has.

“Y/N” you shake her hand, a motion in itself lasts a little longer than it did with everyone else “It’s a pleasure to meet you Leah”

There’s something about the minuscule moment you had just shared but you couldn’t put your finger on it.

“We’re very lucky to have you here at Arsenal. I can’t wait to play with you”

“I’m sure you’ll be playing more with Rafa but I look forward to sharing the pitch with you”

It was a compliment face off. It's clear both of you are fans of each other but it is when Beth wanders over do you realise just how big of fan Leah is.

“I see you’ve met your biggest fan” Beth wraps her arms around Leah’s shoulder “Leah here couldn’t stop talking about you when we found out you had signed”

Leah’s face said it all. The embarrassment was clear but you liked it. What you didn’t like was the way Rafa appeared out of nowhere and joined in Beth’s game of expose my captain.

“Oh please, don’t act like you aren’t a fan of hers too. Y/N came her a few weeks ago because she wanted to meet you but when she arrived you were with your team mates on holiday”

“Rafaelle” it was a warning, one which she was all too aware of “I came here to sort out our house whilst you were off celebrating with the girls”

“You didn’t celebrate your win? You were incredible” Leah, once again, pays you a compliment.

“I had a lot on my plate. Like Rafa said I came to unpack and decorate our house but before then I had back to back interviews and photoshoots in Brazil that I couldn't get out of"

“I understand that” the sorrow in Leah’s voice was concerning.

“Being a first time captain leading your team to a championship comes with its downfalls”

Leah only nods her head. The weeks following the euros was nothing like Leah expected. The tournament put her on a pedestal and for the first time since she lifted the trophy she didn’t feel alone at the top.

Of course both of you could relax a little knowing that while here at Colney and at meadow park, Kim Little was the captain and it didn’t take long for you to be reminded of that.

“I see the captain of England and the captain of Brazil have met but we all know who is in charge around here” Katie joked.

“We are team full of leaders. Leah is one of the captains too and I hope Y/N will bring some her her leadership skills to the team” Kim joins the small group which is forming.

You cannot bring yourself to respond. Not because you don’t want to but you don’t want to place yourself with the top players of the team when you haven’t even stepped foot on the pitch.

During the offseason trip to Germany you found it surprisingly easy to fit in with the team. You got along well with the team but more so with Leah. Despite being from different countries, you had similar tastes in music so you would often lounge around listening to your favourite playlists whilst Leah showed you how to play Sudoku.

Things changed when you were back in London. You unconsciously began to close yourself off. It was as if Y/N the human being didn't feel at home in London which wouldn't be a problem given that you had only been there for a month but Rafa seemed to be blossoming in the country's capital. Several players picked up on your change of behaviour so Katie suggested a team bonding night at a restaurant of her choosing.

When she sends you the address of an all you can eat Brazilian you are filled with excitement but the restaurant itself didn't quite live up to a native's standards. The gesture is kind and you make sure to thank her for her efforts when you leave.

"You didn't like it?" Leah nudges you as you and few of the other team members walk back to where the cars are parked.

"It wasn't really Brazilian. It was just a lot of meat" you whisper as not to upset the irishwoman.

"I told you Katie!" Leah shouts much to your failed attempts at telling her to not to say anything.

"What!" Katie comes skipping over to the two of you "I thought you would like going to a Brazilian restaurant"

"That wasn't Brazilian, it was —“ Rafa comes to plead your case.

"A lot of meat" Leah says earning a smirk and a shake of head from you.

This leads to Rafa inviting the team over to the house you shared and offered a home cooked Brazilian feast which you found rich considering you were the chef out of the two of you. The team happily take her up on her offer and as you walk down the streets of St Albans you gaze remain fixed on a certain individual and how her hips swayed with every step she took.

"So you and Leah?" Rafa snuck up behind you. She had seen the way the two of you conversed the entire night. You barely showed anyone else any attention but the sight Rafa saw was rare and she knew that you must have opened yourself up to Leah if you were willing to get this close.

“She —“ how do you describe Leah?

"Ticks every single one of your boxes" the fellow Brazilian finishes your sentence or at least she tries.

"I was going to say she is beautiful"

You couldn’t deny Leah’s beauty. The way her blonde hair brought out the colour of her eyes; it puts the bluest oceans to shame. You were attracted to Leah and you knew it from the first day you met her but the passion she has for the sport you both love led you to fall deeper for her. She understood your mind more than anyone else given that she recently faced the same pressure as you.

"You should ask her out"

"I'm going to"

And that is what you planned to do the next day at training, that is until Beth officially gave you the low down on the couples within the team. Of course you had your suspicions and those had been right. What did catch you off guard was when Beth started talking about Leah and her history with Jordan Nobbs. From the signs Leah had given you, you thought she was single but Beth's explanation of their on off relationship thus far gave you reasons to doubt the moments you and Leah had shared. It’s the reason why you never asked her out that day or the day after that. In fact months passed and you still didn't ask her out even though your feelings never changed. You did keep her close though, just close enough to allow yourself to think what if.

It was during the final away trip of the year that the truth game to light. The team had met for breakfast, Leah observed from a distance as you watched Kim make a coffee with her latest contraption. The look on you face resembles that of a child watching a magic trick whilst figuring out how it’s done. She found it adorable the way you closed you eyes, inhaled the sent of the freshly poured cup then smiled widely as you swallowed your first mouthful.

“You’re drooling” Rafa jokes as she joins her fellow centre back at the table “Leah?” She waves her hand in front of the blonde to get her attention.

“I’m sorry. Did you say something?”

“You stare at her a lot for someone that turned her down”

Leah drew a blank. She had no idea what Rafaelle was talking about. She hadn’t turned you down, she wouldn’t and it’s not like she has had the opportunity to because you haven’t asked her out. She is just about to ask her to elaborate but both her and Kim gets called over by Jonas. You mumble a short and sweet ‘hi’ as you take her place at the table.

Rafa’s words stuck with Leah for the next few days as she tried and failed to think what could have made her think that. In the end it is the culprit herself that confesses when some of the girls are at Lia and Caitlyn’s for a game night.

“It’s been 5 months Leah and you have yet to make a move on Y/N. We can see the see you look at each other” Lia begins her friendly interrogation.

“and the sexual tension is disgusting” Katie fake gags.

“She told Rafa that she asked me out and I said no” Leah explains.

“You turned her down but I thought you liked her?” Viv questions.

“It’s not like Leah would have said yes, She is still with Jordan” Beth says.

You would have though the blonde had confessed to a murder the way all heads turned to her with a movement that could have given the owner whiplash.

“Beth, me and Jordan broke up before the euros. It’s done, we’re over for good this time”

Beth looked like a child that watched on as a problem they caused gets unveiled.

“What did you do?” Viv asks her girlfriend.

“I might have told her that you were already taken”

Leah couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Had Beth really sabotaged the relationship before it even had a chance to begin. It made Leah realise one thing, you did like her because you were going to ask her out. She tried calling your phone but it went straight to voicemail and despite her trying numerous times after that, the results were the same no answer.

In an attempt to redeem herself, Beth offered to drive the blonde to your house. It was an offer that Leah happily accepted. She knew from overhearing a conversation between you and Stina that you were going back to Brazil for the holidays, she only wished that she could see you before you leave.

With her friends in tow Leah knocks rapidly on your front door hoping with every fibre of her being that you answer it. A Brazilian answers the door only it isn't the one she hoped for.

Rafa notices Leah peeping behind her and its then that she realises the blonde didn't come for her.

"You're here for Y/N?" she asks earning a nod from Leah "She isn't here"

Leah's face fell. It isn't the end of the world but she didn't want to spend the next two weeks wondering what you're doing in Brazil and more important who you are doing things with.

"Where is she?" Caitlyn asks.

"Airport" Rafa then looks down at her watch "Her flight leaves, well right now actually"

If it wasn't already, the way the other girls looked at each other made it obvious that something was going on and Rafaelle was in the dark.

Out the corner of her eye Leah saw a photo frame hanging on the wall. It was a photo on the two of you taken in Germany, a small chuckle escaped her lips at the difficulty that came with the getting to pose for the photo but just as quickly as the happiness flood her systems, it is replaced with sadness.

"I'm about to put a movie on and order a takeaway if you guys want to stay" your best friend points to the takeaway menus that were scattered on the kitchen countertop.

Everyone was up for an impromptu movie night, everyone but Leah who quite frankly just wanted to be alone. She politely declined the invite and left your house with her head hanging low.

The moment she steps outside her body crashes into another sending her to the ground.

"Leah! are you ok?" you help the blonde to her feet.

Leah meanwhile didn't understand what was going on. How was you there when you were suppose to be on a plane to Brazil.

"Leah?" you wave you hand in front of her face "Did you hit your head?”

"What are you doing here?"

"I live here" you chuckle a little at obviousness of her question.

"I know that" she smacks you playfully "I mean in England, Rafa said you were going to Brazil"

"My flight was overbooked so I'm taking the next one which is first thing tomorrow morning" you explained.

You are just about to enter your home when Leah stops you. Her hand rests on top of yours on the door handle. You remove you hand but keep Leah's intertwined with yours. You knew something was wrong. First she was leaving your house alone and now she didn't want you to go in.

"Linda" you look deeply into those blue eyes you like so much "What's wrong?"

"Beth was wrong when she told you about Jordan. We are not dating, that chapter of my life is done"

Your head dips slightly as a smile tugs at your lips. If Leah wasn't with Jordan then it changes everything.

"But she said that you were" you try to remember the exact wording "she said it was on and off. I like you Leah but I won't ruin your relationship"

"There is no relationship, me and Jordan are done. There is something between us though and that is the only thing on my mind"

There something about the girl you like telling you how she feels and it aligning with your own feelings that brings you pure happiness.

"Would you have said yes if I asked you?" Leah nods enthusiastically "then let's go"

She could't believe your spontaneity. It didn't match your every day personality but she liked this side of you.

"I would love that but you should know Rafa and some of the girls are inside having a movie night and since this is your last night here before winter break, maybe we should join them?"

You didn't like to share and given that Leah had all but admitted she had feelings for you, you really wanted to spend the night with her alone. You are just about to tell her this when you hear laughing from the other side of the door.

"We can but only if you let me take you out for breakfast in the morning?"

"I would like that"

When the door opens, the girls on the other side freeze. All eyes are on the hallway as they wait to see who enters.

"Y/N!" Beth shouts "and Leah! who are holding hands?"

You pay no attention to the forward’s observations. Instead you go straight to your place on the sofa which funnily enough remains empty and Leah settles in beside you. Throughout the night you struggle to pay attention to the movie because the woman in your arms in much more interesting. At one point she catches you staring and with the way you are sat your faces are incredibly close. You have to bite your lip to stop yourself from kissing her but when Leah reaches up to caress you lower lip your hesitation goes out the window. Her lips are soft against your own and you relish the moment you have been waiting for since the first say you met her at Colney.

"Minha Linda" you place a soft kiss to her hairline.

"What does that mean?" Leah had been learning Portuguese from Rafa but it was a slow process.

"My beautiful"

#woso x reader #woso imagine #woso one shot #leah Williamson x reader #leah Williamson one shot #leah Williamson imagine #engwnt x reader #engwnt one shot #engwnt imagine #awfc x reader #awfc one shot #awfc imagine

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ginger-berrie · 11 days

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SO I JUST SAW FALSETTOS LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME

HOLY SHIT OKAY. HEY GUYS I JUST GOT BACK FROM SEEING FALSETTOS. LIVE. MY FAVOROITE MUSICAL EVER. I HAVE WORDS TO SAY.

So firstly I of course have to say this musical is fucking phenomenal and if u havent seen it even on youtube you HAVE to. onne of the best musicals ever wrutten. ignore any typos in this my hands r still shaking and im not editing htis. OKAY.

The actors. It was a college level production but the actors were so so talented. My favorite performances were from Mendel and Jason, who both pulled off their roles INCREDIBLY. Mendel was like a carbon copy of Brandon Uranowitz he had his mannerisms DOWN. All the nervous ticks, touching his face, being generally so awkward all the time, even his face was just perfec t for the role. And Jason was played by an adult femme-presenting person but they were so good as him!!!!! their voice fit him perfectly and she also perfectly encompassed Jason;s awkward childlike nature. The entire cast was incredible but those two really stood out to me!!!! Everyone's singing voices as well were fantastic, especially Trina's—she KILLED the high notes and even sung up the octave on a few lines !!!! including the "but still the bastard divorced me" and she still belted the "you must exorcise a devil" even AFTER Im Breaking Down. In fucking sane.

THAT BEING SAID THOUGH. Even though i enjouyed every second of it I do wanna make some more analysis-related directing critiques because im fucked up and evil about this show . im so sorry just let me speak here meaout. Stating right now though I've only seen the 2016 revival (about 2 dozen times) and not the original 90's version (been meaning to watch it just havent gotten the chance) so i reserve all TRUE judgement until after I see it!!! maybe some of these choices were in the original but tbh if they were i still like how the revival did it better. okay i swear im not just one of those ppl who is like "tHaTS noT hOw ThEY dId iT On BroADwAy" calm down. thanks <3

First of all. Some of the scenes lacked energy !!!!! Thrill of first love had no homoerotic choreography!!!!! they just kinda sat there on the couch looking morose and barely looking at each other as if they truly just hate each other and feel ANYthing towards each other anymore at all. But thats not the point!!!!!! They dont fully hate each other theyre just lacking the excitement that they once had and it's been replaced with nothing but disagreements and sex. When Whizzer and Marvin do their gay little dance theyre not just dancing and being gross and sexual theyre also FIGHTING!!!! they still care about each other they just dont know how to act!!!! and marvin's a bitch of course. Marvin was still very much a bitch. But because of the lack of energy in this song there was a bit of a lack of chemistry between the two as well, which carried through the whole show. I feel like it's important to see just how gross fucked up n nasty these two are about each other to see how its truly affecting the other people in Marvin's life. Even their chemistry during the chess game was lacking. They just kinda felt like they really hated each other. Which isnt the pointtttttt. Guh

Trina (or the directors idk) also made some choices I wasn't 100% on board with but they were more subtle. Mostly in her tone about Mendel. Up through Please Come To Our House she seemed to really really like Mendel. Like it was clear she was attempting to woo him. But then when he was proposing, and when they were maknig their home together, she just seemed. Unenthused. I know Trina truly doesn't really love her life, and just needs the stability of a nuclear family, but it was odd to see her not even attempt to keep up the facade on her own. Her and Mendel were similarly lacking in a lot of chemistry because of this, which, maybe to some of you makes sense but to me i do want to see them be close even if Mendel isn't absolutely the best.

LAST CRITIQUE OKAY. This one is BIG SPOILERS if u havent seen it yet but probably if ur reading this far youve already seen it okay. The fuckign bar mitzvah!!!!! There was no acknowledgement from Whizzer to Jason as he was reading his Torah !!!!!!! He just layed there in the hospital bed, facing AWAY from the audience so we could only see the very top of his head (which was on purpose for a quick change but) and he didnt get up at all to thank Jason or even acknowledge him :( for all the audience knows maybe he didnt even see Jason get bar mitzvahd. screaming crying throwing up.

OKAY IM DONE W BEING MEAN HERES A BIG CHANGE I REALLY LOVED !!!!!! as well as some smaller changes that i also really liked or were jsut neutral things i noticed

For most of act 2, up until Days Like This, They had this really cool circus imagery? Now once again idk if this is in the OG, but they had a picture of each cluster of characters set up on either side of the stage, and each of them was doing some sort of circus act both in the pictures and on stage, especially during A Day in Falsettoland. When a character was having their point in the song, they'd sometimes cut the lights briefly and suddenly the characters would be struggling to perform their little circus act, and each of them had a differnt one respectively and they all represented their immaturities/flaws/struggles:

Jason was on stilts, representing his need to grow up and perhaps his perceived mental maturity compared to the other characters

Trina was balancing/spinning plates on sticks, representing her need to keep balance and order in her life

Marvin + Whizzer were fencers because of their lingering animosity, yet newfound respect, for one another. Fencing isnt a dangerous sport, like you dont actually hurt your opponent in it, but it;s still a fight and youre still pointoing a weapon at them. guh. (AND BTW they did this during the racquetball scene and HOLY SHIT. I just gotta describe this one. Racquetball number 1 They had their little racquets as they were singing to each other but then when they got really into the game the lights would cut and then theyd be FENCING each other instead!!!!! and then the lights would cut again and itd go back to racquetball!!!! BUT THEN in the racquetball number 2 when it cut to them fencing ONLY MARVIN HAD A SWORD. WHIZZER STILL HAD HIS RACQUET. GIUUHUHGGHGHGHGHGH.;..,.,/;;'.';.;'[[[.)

Then the lesbians from next door were like a duo balancing/acrobatics act where they were always leaning on each other and picking each other up which was cute but also like. Charlotte would start falling in one direction and Cordelia would have to scrambke to catch her. I always hail them as the healthiest couple in the show but sometimes i forget they have problems too, like Cordelia;s insecurity and Charlotte's stress over the virus of course.

And finally Mendel!!!! was the fucking ringmaster!!!!! He had a hoop and a top hat and every time he was trying to calm down Jason (Everyone Hates His Parents), or Caroline, or Trina (A Day in Falsettoland), he would appear with his hoop and top hat, to show that HE is the one who needs to "control" other people's lives, or at least he feels the need to direct them. Mendel of course needs to feel like he's smarter than everyone else and like he's the only one who can help people. It really drove that home and it was an insane realization to come to. Phenomenal directing choice idk who came up with that but. bravissimo to you

Now miscellaneous stuff i liked or noticed!!!

They didn't have the big ol foam block. just some couch ends that they moved around to be diff pieces of furniture. If you've ever seen Waiting In The Wings' analysis on falsettos you might have seen a comment in the youtube section discussing how in the set design for the revival, the lack of real furniture through most of the show represents the lack of maturity of the characters, and as things get serious for them, more real props and set pieces get added. Like the chess board, the decor for Mendel + Trina's home, Whizzer's suitcase, the whole hospital room, etc. They didn't lean into that with this but i think that's fine! its not a necessary detail in my opinion and they did their best with what they had!!

Marvin didn't hand whizzer the suitcase after the chess game. He just grabbed it, and packed it himself. I was waiting for him to slam it into whizzer's chest or something. but no. Whizzer just picked it up and walked off. okay. Neutral bad change imo

Marvin's performances of What would I do and What more can i Say were. Breathtaking. Marvin actor if you're out there reading this your voice is lovely and carries so much emotion in your solo numbers. I Did Cry. a little bit

god their group number harmonies were AMAZING. All of the cast members' voices blended together so well and it was absolutely beautiful. the whole show was beautiful and i adored it i swear. I jsut need somwhere to put my feelings

THE ORCHESTRA FUCKED. IT FUCKED

Okay its getting late now and im fading quickly BUT IF U READ THIS FAR UR INSANE. This is for me and nobody else i just eneded to feelings dump. tl;dr: i fucking lvoe falsettos this was one of the best nights of my life i love you actors i love you pit i love you lighting i love you run crew i love you sound crew i love you musical theatre

#falsettos #falsettos 2016 #musicals #musical theater #musical review #rambles #ramblings #shiksa caterer #short insomniacs #hypochondriacs #yiddish americans #spiky families #radiologist #intellectuals #nervous wrecks #sigh #falsettoland

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perfectsunlight · 1 year

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(𝟏𝟔) - 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬

𝗮𝗲𝗿𝗶 𝘂𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗮 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿, 𝗵𝘂𝗵 𝘆𝘂𝗻𝗷𝗶𝗻 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

part of the series: best friends

warnings: alcohol, mentions of sex

word count: 2,462

IVE INKIGAYO STAGE HITS 3 MILLION VIEWS ONLY 6 HOURS AFTER BEING POSTED

Y/N KANG FROM THE KPOP GROUP “IVE” MAKING HER MARK ON THE STAGE

IVE’S LATEST PERFORMANCE EXCITES FANS AROUND THE WORLD

SEULGI’S SISTER, KANG Y/N, PROVING THAT GREATNESS RUNS IN THE FAMILY

INKIGAYO PERFORMANCE BY KOREAN GIRL GROUP “IVE” IS TRENDING #1 ON TWITTER, YOUTUBE, AND MANY OTHERS

all of the headlines were the same. your group’s inkigayo stage went viral. it was no surprise to anyone, especially given how hard you had all been working. the other members would argue that it was you who worked the hardest, especially given everything you were dealing with, but you simply thought of it as doing your job.

which was why, as mentioned before, the only thing better than a good performance was an even better after party.

truth be told, after you had left aeri a voicemail, you deleted her contact entirely. you didn’t have the heart to block her just yet, but only time would tell when you would eventually find the strength to do such a thing.

however, fortunately for you, any thought of aeri was on the backburner. your performance and its success were enough of a well needed distraction for you, especially given the events of last night.

yujin let leeseo stay and enjoy the after party for once, but she was definitely keeping a close eye on her since she knew gaeul and rei would try and get her to drink a little.

there were a lot of other groups there as well, even if they didn’t perform, they were still invited. the energy and music were electrifying. the rhythm from the bass, the alcohol in your cup, and the flashing lights felt euphoric.

for the first time in weeks, you felt happy. your group was successful, your career was at an all time high, and you were slowly pulling yourself out of a hole that once felt like an endless abyss.

“you look good, y/n!” wonyoung shouted over the music, dancing next to you and gaeul. your roommate was relieved to see you coping much better than you had been just a week prior. she was worried about you not being able to pick yourself back up in time for the performance, but you did it. you gave it your all on that stage, and the result ended up in your favor.

“thank you, wony!” your genuine smile made both of your group members feel relieved. all of them could tell a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders since you finally cut ties with the aespa member.

for them, it was obvious that you were much happier without aeri. even your sister noticed it when she watched your performance in her living room. wendy and irene also congratulated you through a quick text, and they both commented on how happy you looked on that stage.

even if they didn’t know the reason why, it was obvious to everyone that you were much happier now.

even aeri herself noticed it.

i saw you dancing in a crowded room

you look so happy when i'm not with you

originally, only the other three members had been invited to the after party since giselle was still “grounded” as she referred to it. but after the company discussed it over, they decided to send her at the last minute in hope of giving her a chance to be seen with her members in a way that would seem positive.

except, aeri didn’t want to be there. she didn’t want to run into you and face the look of heartbreak on your face. your voicemail already haunted her enough.

she watched her phone ring when you called, and was about to answer too, but she was too late once the call icon disappeared. giselle didn’t think much of it at the time, but then when she heard your voicemail?

aeri almost ran to the ive dorm barefoot and in pajamas. but she didn’t.

and now, merely 24 hours later, she could finally see with her own two eyes the truth that she had been running from this entire time.

you truly were happier without her.

but then you saw me, caught you by surprise

a single teardrop falling from your eye

the rapper swirled the shot glass in her hand, watching the chinese whiskey dance around the ice. it was similar to the way aeri was dancing around you. from where she sat at the bar, she could see you perfectly through the cracks in the bodies of others.

your hair was slightly disheveled, but your stage makeup was still perfectly intact despite the thin layer of sweat lacing your brows. you had been dancing all night, quite literally.

she watched you throw your head back in a fit of laughter. it was probably due to something gaeul had said. you often mentioned the jokes she made whenever she had you come over. it was one of her favorite parts about seeing you.

aeri nearly jumped out of her seat when she saw your eyes meet hers. even though it was just for a fleeting moment, she could see the look of heartbreak and disappointment flash in your eyes.

it made her immediately turn her head to the side, focusing on the ever so interesting patterns of the bartop and the way her fingernails tapped against it.

she waited a few moments before turning to look in your direction again, physically feeling her tense shoulders relax when she saw her favorite smile return to your face.

it was ironic, truly. this whole mess started with her not noticing you at a party. and yet here the roles were reversed, with you not noticing her.

the only difference this time was that aeri didn’t want you to notice her.

i don’t know why i run away

i’ll make you cry when i run away

to be quite honest, aeri didn’t know why she ran in the beginning. she wanted to reach out to you and have you explain everything, but her pride refused to yield. her pride and her fear of heartbreak caused her to run.

she ran from her feelings for you for so long, which was why when she had the courage to finally accept them, your confession about your sex life with yunjin felt like a knife to her heart.

aeri wasn’t stupid. she knew when you started falling for her after that night. she noticed it in your touches, in your kisses, in the way you clung to her more. it scared her.

at least, initially it did. over time she reciprocated the same feelings that she had ran from for so long.

however, aeri was tired of running. which was why she had to walk away from you, too.

you could’ve asked me why i broke your heart

you could’ve told me that you fell apart

which was why when she finally got your voicemail, she couldn’t help but cry with you. she felt everything you had felt, but due to her petty actions and stupid mistakes, it ended up with the both of you losing each other.

as she watched you and wonyoung dance to the song currently playing, she felt the ghost of a smile form on her lips.

you were feeling happier than ever right now, but aeri couldn’t feel any more miserable than she already was right now.

at least, that’s what she thought.

but you walked past me like i wasn’t there

and just pretended that you didn’t care

her heart sank to her stomach when she saw you and your group members walking towards the bar. she moved her hair in front of her eyes in an attempt to hide herself, but truth be told, she knew you had seen her.

she knew that she was there. but you refused to even acknowledge her presence as you walked past her, laughing and shouting at gaeul to get you whatever she was getting.

you and aeri had been friends for so long that you could recognize each other from a mile away. and when things got more intimate between you two, you both knew that even in the dark, you had each other’s bodies memorized.

the both of you knew everything about each other like the back of your hands. which was why aeri knew it stung so much for you to ignore her just like that, even if she deserved it.

i made you think that i would always stay

i said some things that i should never say

the night of the date, or rather the argument since the date never really happened, aeri drove back to somi’s place and got absolutely wasted. she was so hurt, and somi was blasting XOXO so loud that she was positive everyone on that block heard it.

she remembered how she curled into a ball on somi’s bathroom floor, crying her heart out because of how much it hurt. however, she wasn’t just hurt because of everything you had told her.

she was hurting because of everything she told you.

it hurt her, to hurt you. except, she didn’t realize that fully until after she had been caught with jeno.

she should have never agreed with him to “get back” at you. but she was so hurt, and drunk on both pain and some japanese liquor that night that she couldn’t think straight. even though the articles said they were both sober, it could not have been any further from the truth.

just like how she wasn’t actually dating jeno either. SM only said that to try and help make the situation look better and deal with damage control. in their eyes, a couple caught having sex looked much better than two single idols being drunk and horny.

she regretted it in the moment, but she regretted it even more when she heard from karina that seulgi was looking for her.

needless to say, giselle had been walking on eggshells whenever she was in the company building.

yeah i broke your heart like someone did to mine

and now you won’t love me for a second time

aeri knew she had broken your heart, but as cliche as it sounds, she broke yours out of retaliation since you broke hers.

it wasn’t intentional, and she knew that, but the cycle of heartbreak began and ended with both of you getting hurt.

and now, the aespa member was well aware that you were no longer willing to have her in your life. not as a lover, or as a friend.

girl take me back, ‘cause i wanna stay

save your tears for another

the SM rapper knew better than to try and fix things with you. you wanted nothing to do with her, and your voicemail was your final goodbye to her.

even though she wanted to run up to you right now, hold your hand and dance with you under the illuminated lights, she knew she couldn’t.

giselle wanted to kiss you in front of everyone, and tell you over and over again how proud of you she was. you had always worked so hard, even as a trainee. it was one of the many things gigi admired about you.

it was the sum of these admirations that made her fall in love with you.

she didn’t want to be the reason you cried anymore. she wanted you to cry over things like winning awards, breaking records, and giving speeches. she didn’t want you to cry over her and her wretched heart.

in her eyes, it wasn’t worth it. she wasn’t worth crying over.

i realize i’m much too late

and you deserve someone better

you felt a tap on your shoulder, and when you turned around you couldn’t fight the smile that crept onto your face.

“hi, stranger.”

yunjin’s arms wrapped you in the tightest hug she could muster up. “you did so good, y/n.” she grinned and pulled back to look at you. she had seen you at your lowest. when you were hurting because of giselle, even from the very beginning, she was there.

you and yunjin had a very long talk the day she slipped under your covers. yunjin had explained herself fully, and also told you why she did what she did. she even told you that aeri had been the one to text first that night.

however, at the time you were upset, but looking back on it, you were sort of grateful she did that. you knew you would have ran back to giselle in a heartbeat, and the vicious cycle would have only continued.

even though you and the american were not together, you had both agreed to take things slowly to see where they went. yunjin had confessed to you indirectly, but you knew how she felt. she was still moving on from chaewon, and you were still moving on from aeri.

but the two of you had each other, and you were willing to see where things with your new “best friend” would go in the future.

“thank you, jen.” the music changed to a more upbeat song, which prompted yunjin to grab you by the hand and drag you more towards her members.

as aeri watched you disappear further from her sight from the bar, she downed the shot in her hand. the bitter taste in her mouth matched the bitter feeling in her heart. but it was only directed at herself, and not you.

aeri knew you deserved better, even though she wanted to be the best option for you. she knew she couldn’t. it was too late for her.

she motioned for the bartender to give her another shot of baijiu. he poured the white liquor into another glass and slid it towards her. with her left hand, she held the glass out and in your direction.

she was making a final toast to you.

“to my best friend,”

she whispered to herself, the music and ambience of the party drowning out everything around her. she caught one final glimpse of you laughing and holding onto yunjin, just like you had done with her in what felt like forever ago.

this was the first and final toast to your friendship, and the shattered pieces of a relationship that unfortunately was never meant to be.

the glass met her lips as she downed the liquor, feeling the bitterness slide down her throat. she wiped her eyes gently, not sure if she was crying because of the alcohol or because of you.

(she knew the reason why. she just didn’t want to admit it.)

“i love you, too.”

save your tears for another day

a/n: the end :)

p.s. a toast with the left hand is considered more heartfelt since your left hand is closer to your heart

#aespa #lesserafim #aeri uchinaga #giselle #giselle x reader #yunjin x reader #huh yunjin #kpop #fiction #best friends #perfectsunlight

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manicpixiedreamcurl · 1 year

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The More You Give ❧ (Part VI)

Pairing | Eddie Munson x shy!reader

Warnings | 18+ minors and blank blogs don’t interact, bullying, discussions of anxiety, oral (f receiving), virginity loss, protected P in V sex.

Word Count | ~16,400

A/N | Oh you won't be able to move for all the fluff. Cheeky shout-out to @heydreamchild for this post which made me lose my mind in the tags and think about Eddie's relationship with Wayne's mug collection.

Taglist (please don't ask to be tagged if you won't interact with the fic)

Previous Chapter

❦⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄❦⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄❦⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄❦⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄❦

You screw your eyes shut instead of watching the ping pong ball continue its high arch over the remaining cups on the other side of the table. You hear it hit the floor, the barely suppressed scoff across from you at another missed shot.

Your cheeks are burning, have been since you started this game. You open an eye to find May smiling at you encouragingly as she lines herself up for her turn. She’s more practised than you. Invited to more of these parties, asked to play more of these games. The ball flies from her hand and lands with a gentle splash in one of the three remaining cups in front of you, her expression now tinged with satisfaction. You can’t blame her, you’d look the same if you were good at any of this. You fish the ball out and sip the lukewarm beer for a second before forcing the rest of it down just to get this turn over with.

“Sorry,” you murmur, handing the ball to your partner and stepping aside to let him take his turn. Safely at the corner of the table, you glance quickly at the clock on the other side of the room. It reads 11:03pm, and you wonder if you could negotiate heading home by eleven thirty.

Not likely.

When you’d walked through the door, shoulders pressed between both your friends, you had yourself convinced that you would have a good time tonight. Tipsy from the white wine your mom let you drink under her supervision, warm with joy from an early evening spent with May and Heather in your room. It’s your favourite part of going out; the hour or two before. When it’s just the three of you, with nobody else to perform for, you fit right back together as you always did. Swapping gossip, exchanging compliments. Painting Heather’s nails a soft pink, her steady hands painting yours in return. You worked on May’s make up, smiled shyly into the mirror when she set your hair up the way you like it and told you with a pout how jealous she is of its texture.

You listened to Heather, gentle and happy at seeing her boyfriend, at the flowers he’d brought her. You spoke to May about the film you should rent for your next movie night; a comedy with popcorn or a weepy chick flick with chocolate. You’d watched from your bed, grinning and heartsore while May leaned into Heather’s shoulder, serenading her while she applied her lipstick. Heather rolled her eyes fondly as May crooned into her ear, “I can’t fight this feeling anymore!”

Later, head truly fuzzy from paint stripper vodka and lemonade, you’d screamed all the words to Power of Love with them. Hands in the air, hips swaying, content in the knowledge that, if everyone in the house has drank as much as you, none of them will care to remember how you danced and sang tonight. It was exactly as you wanted it to always be. With your friends, believing entirely, at least in the moment, that you still put each other first. That you were friends now not just because you used to be.

Only, Heather’s boyfriend had appeared like a grey cloud in the blue sky of your evening. Before you knew it, she was settled under his arm on a couch at the other side of the room, sipping light beer and talking with the friends he’d brought back from college for the weekend. All boys you can’t stand, and know May can’t stand either. The last time you saw them, when May had told them proudly that you were well on your way to NYU to study Comparative Literature, you’d watched two of them make eye contact, sniggering with each other into their beer. You weren’t proud of yourself for adding that you still might do Chemistry, not that it had helped much.

Soon after, May was called over by some cheer friends. She’d grasped your hand and pulled you along with her, both a blessing and a curse that she refuses to leave you out. Lacking some of your usual self-consciousness, both from your continual sips at your drink and the fact that Caroline, blessedly, hadn’t shown up, you’d managed a brief, fairly friendly chat with Tracy about whether she was wearing too much blush (she was) followed by how well the basketball team will do this year (hell if you know).

Then, when Josh, a boy May has had a simmering crush on since you were freshmen, invited her over to play beer pong, you let her pull you with her again. And here you are, paired with this boy in green and white. Ethan flashes his white toothed smile every time you miss a shot on account of your shaking hands. A charming smile that tells you how girls might get into trouble on his account; girls like Caroline, girls like Erin. You wonder if it was that smile that made Erin follow him upstairs that night, that made Caroline fall back into his arms with little complaint, all the blame placed elsewhere.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says, squeezing the top of your arm before turning his attention to the table. May smiles at you again as Josh chugs beer down in a quick gulp, sending you all the signs of gratitude that make you feel guilty for thinking almost exclusively about the ways you could leave soon.

When it’s your turn again, you take stock of the cups across from you. Two on your side, four on theirs, so with any luck this is your last turn. You watch the ball just brush the opposite rim of one of the cups, before bouncing lamely to the table. “Okay, that one was close.” Ethan says kindly, elbowing you.

“Nah, her head’s in the clouds,” Josh says with a smirk, catching the ball and bouncing it a couple times off the table. “Too busy thinking about…Munson, right? Would not have thought that was your type, but uh, I guess that explains why you wouldn’t let Andy-”

“Leave her alone, Josh,” May cuts in, leaning away from him with a scowl. You feel a rush around your ears, your heart in your throat. You like to forget this fact, but sometimes you’re reminded of it like seeing it written in bright red neon. Just about everybody knows what happened between you and Andy to varying degrees of detail, and they can all use it against you whenever they want.

“It’s not that serious,” he says, the following laugh more defensive when May rolls her eyes. “You are dating the freak, right?”

Your toes curl. “Don’t call him that.”

“C’mon, man,” Ethan sighs. “You’re killing the mood.”

“It’s dead and buried,” May corrects, face set in that brilliant frown that gets your heart pumping when it’s directed at you.

Josh glances between the three of you, landing particularly on May and her crossed arms. He looks to Ethan again for support, throws his hands up when he finds none there. “Fine,” he says, smacking his teeth. “‘S boring playing girls anyway.”

He bounces the ball across the table to Ethan, and stalks off with his shoulders sagging. May’s face softens when she comes over to you, your chest warm at her concern. “You okay?”

“Mm. Thank you.”

She pouts, swaying a little. “Why are guys such jerks?”

“Um, I’m right here,” Ethan laughs, chucking the ball back and forth between his hands. There’s that smile again, easy and sharp and clean. You think of Erin, dragged through mud.

“Thanks,” you mumble, barely glancing at him.

“No problem. He’s an idiot when he’s drunk.”

If you were braver, you’d say he’s an idiot sober, too.

“Looks like we need to even the teams up,” May says brightly.

“Oh, that’s okay,” you answer, the only relief from the situation that this may give you a chance to escape for a brief moment. “I wanna get some water. You guys can keep playing.”

“You sure?” She asks, leaning in so it really is just the two of you, giving you a hit of tuberose and orange blossom, the same perfume she’s worn since your first high school party in ‘83. “I’ll come with you if you want.”

“It’s okay,” you say, squeezing her arm gratefully. “I’ll be right back.”

The air is fresher the second you’re in the hallway, without the clutch of warm bodies forcing you to mutter ‘excuse me’ enough that the words lose all meaning. The damp heat picks up again in the kitchen, smaller groups standing around with cups in their hands, some swaying to the distant music. You glance at the sink, find a couple crowded in front of it, their eyes intent on eachother. Even your slightly fuzzy mind decides against trying to navigate around them in search of water.

“Hey, Ringwald.” It takes a good couple of seconds for you to register that the greeting might be for you. It requires a tap on the shoulder, Erin’s half there smile directed your way. She holds up a cup. “Want some?”

You glance into it, find clear liquid that gets your hopes up. “Water?”

She snorts. “I know I’m pretty badass, but six shots of vodka in one cup is a little much. Even for me.”

You take it gratefully, screaming at your tipsy brain to remember not to drink too much of someone else’s water. A couple gulps and you hand it back to her, surprised at how much you needed it, throat a little scratchy from singing earlier before your joy left with Heather.

“So, uh, how are you?”

You nod, giving her a close lipped smile. “Yeah, fine. How are you?”

Erin tilts her head, her right eye narrowing. “No, I mean, like really how are you?” She waves her cup around, as if gesturing to the entire house. “Seems like you and May are friends again, I guess.”

��We were always friends,” you assure, heart panging. “She was just,” you search for it, unprepared for this conversation. Where you normally would avoid answering altogether, your cottoned up mind combined with the earnest desperation to defend your friend ends in a rambling answer. “I didn’t tell her the right way, you know? She was hurt, finding out from somebody else about, you know, Eddie and I. But we talked it all out and she’s forgiven me.”

“Forgiven…you?”

“For not telling her myself.”

Erin taps a finger on her cup, considering you. “That’s what she was angry about?”

Your mouth opens, thoughts tangling. “Um, I mean, among other things,” you rush, giving her a reassuring smile. “But everything’s fine now.”

“Okay,” she says, that half smile returning. “Glad to hear it, Ringwald.”

“I, um,” you step a little closer, forcing yourself to look right into her eyes. “I did want to say thank you for that actually. I just-” You just worried endlessly about approaching her, how you would even thank her for preventing you from being quizzed about your sex life in front of an entire group. You shrug, and luckily Erin seems to understand.

“Don’t worry about it,” she says. “You shouldn’t have had to explain yourself in the first place. But those girls are pretty vicious when they smell blood.”

You’re struck with a pity for her you know she’d probably hate you feeling. You try to remember what she was like before her entire friend group turned on her, before she was taken in by that sharp smile. She still had the sarcastic wit, you’re sure. But without the undertone of anger that comes along every other sentence; less bite. Erin has always been confident, but now she carries herself like somebody full of righteous indignation and nowhere to put it.

“You can have the rest of this,” she says, handing you the water and looking away like she’s read your whole thought process and wants out of the conversation quick. “Those six shots actually sound kind of appealing now.”

“Okay, well, see you later?”

She gives you a little thumbs up as she passes. You watch her elbow past the couple at the sink to reach the bottles and cups piled beside it. Already feeling more sober than you had when you walked in, you finish the cool water, resisting the temptation to start playing with the material of your skirt.

“Hey, uh…hey.” You look over at Neil from your Physics class, recognising the sound of somebody trying and failing to remember your name. “Could you talk to Munson for me? Tell him I’m good for the money, it’s just that it’s another week before I get paid.”

You blink. The information takes a second to move from your ears to your brain, longer to process their whole meaning. You feel a flutter in your chest; something like excitement, something like relief. “Eddie’s here?”

“Yeah, and he’s making a really big deal out of twenty dollars, you know?”

You look over his shoulder as if Eddie might be standing out in the hallway, finding only the empty doorway. “Where is he?”

“Uh, he was by the stereo I think? So, you’ll talk to him?”

“Um, sure,” you mumble, pressing past him to walk down the hall back into the living room. There’s May, laughing as Ethan tips his head back to drink, the table laden with a new set of cups. On the other side of the room, Heather, nodding at something and looking serious as ever.

And then you catch him; a head of messy curls, denim on leather, the cut out t-shirt you know Eddie sewed on himself by hand. He’s standing right next to the stereo, sorting through records. His curls shift with a shake of his head and you just know his expression is dismayed, truly disappointed in the collection. To his side, a group of boys is searching their pockets, failing to hide their efforts to pool money together.

Eddie’s presence pulls at you, an invisible but physical tug, and before you know it you’re crossing the room towards him. He jumps a little when you rest your palm on his back, his hand flying to his wallet chain. Then his brown eyes land on you, and you feel the unique joy of watching Eddie realising it’s you. His expression turns in an instant from guarded to happiness. Round eyes look you up and down once in surprise to confirm it’s you, once again in appreciation. He leans right into you, smile a little wolfish. “Well, hey. What brings you to my darkened corner, sweet thing?”

What can you say to that? That in the six, seven hours since you’ve seen him, you’ve felt the lack of his presence? That you’ve spent the last hour in particular wishing you’d never come here, wondering why you didn’t go home with him instead?

“Was surprised to see you.”

“Yeah, well,” he starts, gesturing with his head to the boys behind him. “My services were required, you see.” His eyes track down again, zeroing in at the place on your legs where your dress ends, the fishnet tights wrapped around your thighs. “You look, uh,” he clears his throat, clearly searching for the right word. “Shit. I mean, fuck. You look good.”

Your cheeks warm. You turn to the side a touch, pressing your knees together. “Thank you.”

“I um, really like these.” His hand teases the hem of your dress, thumb brushing across the string of your tights. Eddie’s fingers are a warm sting that has your breath catching, your body aching to be closer to him, to more of his heat.

“Munson?” Sounds from behind him, and the spell is broken. Eddie jumps again, hand parting from your skin like he’d touched a hot stove. His hair flies around him as he turns, face becoming impassive again.

“Gentlemen,” he says, standing in front of you. “Managed to pool your allowances?”

“Shut up, Munson.”

Eddie’s head tilts. “For future reference, save the shit talk till after you have the product in your hand. Unless you wanna add another ten percent for the ounce-”

“No, it’s fine,” another says, elbowing his friend. “It’s all there.”

Eddie sighs, taking the collection of rumpled bills from his hand. You watch him stand in front of the antsy boys, counting each note twice over just to watch them squirm. “Mm. Looks like it’s all here.” He brings his wallet from his back pocket, attached to his jeans by a chain, and tucks the money inside. Then, after glancing around him quickly, Eddie’s right hand disappears into the front of his pants.

“Kept it warm for you, boys,” he cackles, pulling out a plastic baggy filled with green clumps and hurling it towards them.

In the next second, he’s grabbed your hand and is pulling you through the crowd to the sound of, “Munson, you prick!” from behind you. You can hear Eddie’s almost manic giggling over the music, your heart pounding from speeding after him and the fear of the chance at being followed by five boys, all half drunk and furious.

Eddie’s hand remains tight around yours until the cool air out the front door hits your heated skin, finally slowing to catch his breath, still chuckling to himself. You watch him, wide eyed, as he leans back against the front wall, head falling back and then forward to look at you. His eyes flash, his face tells you he’s proud.

“Why did you do that?”

His laughter stops when he spies the serious look on your face, your hands fiddling with your skirt. “Ah, shit. Sorry,” he sighs. “I didn’t plan for you to be around but there wasn’t much I could do, sweet thing. It was already down there, y’know?”

“That’s not what I- Why would you aggravate them like that, Eddie?”

Something a little cold comes over his face then. “Satisfaction, pure and simple,” he answers. “The only kind I can get out of guys like that.”

“But, if you didn’t speak to them like that-”

Eddie’s already shaking his head. “If I didn’t speak to them like that- Hell, if I gave them that weed for free, got on my knees and asked for an ounce of kindness, come Monday they’re still gonna throw me, or Jeff, or any of the guys from Hellfire into a locker,” he tells you, voice a plea for you to understand. “Or call me a freak, or lock one of the freshmen, who still barely know their way around the building, in a supply closet for an hour.” Eddie tilts his head at you. “It’s got absolutely nothing to do with me aggravating them or not, okay? It's not about how nice I am, or how I talk to them - it's about this," he stresses grabbing his long hair, then his shirt. "And this. And D&D and the fucking trailer and my piece of shit father. No amount of sweet talk will fix it cause they don't want me to be nice; they want me to change. And I can’t do that, okay? More importantly, I won’t do that.”

Everything he says makes your chest hurt.

It makes sense, that this is how Eddie Munson thinks. Since your first stumbled word, you’ve been hiding yourself away, blending into the crowd to avoid all the pain that comes with being singled out. But him? Eddie has no interest in curling in on himself, shrinking his personality to fit in. Everything he says, every move he makes, is unapologetic. As true to himself as that shirt.

But it hurts to think that something so unnatural to you could be right. For all your good will, all your work and staying under the radar, it hasn't saved you. Your need to keep quiet only led to Caroline’s harshness, the laughter from the cheer girls. Your desperation to avoid judgement only opened all the right doors for Andy to hurt you the way he did, for everyone around you to know exactly how. All your complacency, all your acquiescence, none of it kept your friends nearly as close as you’d wanted them.

You swallow, catch Eddie’s eyes, and whisper in earnest. “I don’t want you to change.”

You could cry at the relief in his face, the fast blinking that vanishes the shine in his eyes. His head tilts. “No?”

You shake your head vehemently, wishing he would hold your hand again so you could play with his fingers. He pushes himself off the wall and leans into your space, hair falling towards you. You look between his eyes and his collar, debating hiding your face there.

“Not even my driving?”

“Okay,” you answer, watching his dimples press into his face. “Maybe I’d like you to change one thing.”

“I knew it!” Eddie cries, throwing his hands up. “Sweet girls like you are only ever after one thing. You wanna fix me, huh?”

“No,” you whisper, smiling to the side. “Just, gently improve your interest in speed limits?”

“Yeah? And what about my proclivity for pineapple and olive pizza?”

You chew the inside of your lip, suppressing giggles. “I think, given time, I can learn to live with it.” You feel a buzz of pride at Eddie’s laugh, the crinkle around his eyes he gets when he’s really, truly happy. “I do mean it, Eddie. I like you exactly as you are. More-” You take a breath. “More than I’ve ever liked anyone.”

Eddie’s hand finds yours again, your fingers curling into his, your knuckles at his palm.

“Like me enough to come home with me?”

You want to. Desperately. The relief you felt at seeing him, your whole body telling you that you’d rather spend an evening with Eddie than here, navigating social circles you’ll never really be a part of.

“I have to tell my friends first,” you say, watching Eddie nod.

“Sure thing. I can wait.”

“Okay.” Your gaze travels between his eyes and his collar again, stalling your departure. You want a kiss. Want to kiss him all the time, even for a short goodbye. Eddie, sensing your hesitance to leave, narrows his eyes a little like he's trying to work you out. He catches your eyes dart to his lips, and they curve.

“Sweet girl,” he murmurs, leaning down to you. It’s a perfect, innocent little thing. But you like it, like the domesticity you’re learning with Eddie. You want kisses goodbye and hello, his hand in yours in the car. You want elbows meeting sides while cooking together, waking up in the middle of the night just to hear Eddie breathing before you fall away again, catching sight of each other in the mirror while you brush your teeth in the morning. You want your daily life, with Eddie in it, with all the things he adds just by way of existing.

You give him another quick peck, face hot, and run into the house before your mouth asks him to leave with you now and never come back.

You find May in the kitchen, huddled together with a couple of the cheer girls as well as Ethan. She waves brightly when she catches sight of you, gesturing you over. “Hi!” She calls, hair mussed, clearly having continued to drink since you parted. “Where did you go?”

“Um, I was thinking I might go home,” you say, fiddling with your skirt. “M’tired.”

“Oh, are Heather and Patrick leaving too?”

“No, no. I ran into Eddie. He’s gonna give me a ride home.”

You brace yourself, the back of your neck prickling with tension. You watch the expression on May’s face shift from confusion, not to anger or disappointment, but amusement.

“Ohh-kay, you’re tired,” she laughs, shaking her head. You make a noise in embarrassment, checking to see if the rest of the group are listening in and she grins at you, pulling you into a quick, floral smelling, hug. “Have a good night, okay? I’ll see you later.”

You give her a squeeze back, chest warm. “Yeah, later.”

You give a half hearted wave to everyone else, navigating your way to the living room. Heather is where she has been all evening, under Patrick’s arm. “Hey,” you say, avoiding eye contact with the boys around her. “I’m gonna head.”

“Already?” Heather pouts. A quick throb or annoyance rises and falls, your anger that she wouldn't have noticed either way reasoned with the fact that it was your decision not to spend any time with this group.

“Yeah, I’m tired.”

“I thought I was giving you a ride?” Patrick asks, leaning over.

"No, Eddie's gonna take me home."

There’s a moment of quiet, information sinking in before Patrick's face displays a shocked frown. "Eddie? Munson? You're getting in that scrap heap he calls a van?"

You look from him to Heather, spy the clear guilt on her face when you say, "He's my boyfriend. Heather didn't tell you?"

“She most certainly did not- when the fuck-”

“I’m sure she can fill you in,” you say, voice edging towards breaking, thinking about her encouragement, her fingers on the cross around her neck. Heather's mouth opens, her hand coming to that very pendant, and you shake your head. "Bye."

She calls your name behind you, but doesn't come after you when you leave.

Eddie is waiting for you still, balancing a seat on the porch rail and smoking when you emerge. A dimple presses into his face when he flicks the cigarette away and slides down. “All good?”

You grab his hand, bury your face into his shoulder to lean on him a little. Breathe in leather and drugstore shampoo - Eddie, Eddie, Eddie - until your heart stops throbbing painfully.

“All good,” you mumble, turning your head to look at him from his shoulder. “Home?”

You realise how tired you are when you are settled in Eddie’s van, your eyes and limbs heavy. You half want to curl up in the soft seat and drift, but get taken in by watching Eddie as he drives. His fingers following the guitar licks of his music on the steering wheel, his hair shifting when he rocks his head forward. The way he glances at you when he turns, catches you staring and grins to himself every time.

"You know, I didn’t really have you down as someone who’d be into paaarties,” he says, eyes wide with his mocking tone. He glances at you again, at your worn out state, and half closes an eye. “And I gotta say, you don't seem like you were having a good time."

You think about that for a minute, wondering how best to explain your complicated relationship with social events. “I like dancing with my friends,” you start with a shrug. “And getting ready.” You lean your head back. “It’s like the only time the three of us are together anymore.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks, glancing over at you. “Why’s that?”

Why is that? You’ve wondered it yourself. It felt like, suddenly, though maybe it happened very slowly without you realising, whatever delicate thread held you together started to strain as you moved in different directions. Or, as they did; leaving you lonely in the place you used to share. Waiting for them to visit, when it suits them.

They changed. You stayed the same.

Only, you must have changed a little. You replay that last moment with Heather tonight in your head, wondering if you’ve ever shown her your hurt, your anger. Six months ago, you doubt you’d even have left at all. It’s more likely that you would have stayed, wishing to be anywhere else, until they wanted to leave.

Eddie looks over at you following your long silence, adopts the soft, encouraging smile he gives you to show you he’ll wait for your answer, regardless of the reasons it’s taking you so long to find it. You get an inkling, then, of why you’ve changed, if only a little.

“We’re all just…different than we were,” you say finally.

“People change, I guess,” Eddie nods. “For better or worse.”

You think you might be better.

Exhaustion takes over when you cross the comforting threshold into Eddie’s home; the familiar smell and warmth of it sending a message across your body that you can relax now. You clean your teeth with the brush Eddie presented you with the first time you stayed over, scrub at your face with warm water until all that’s left are panda eyes you don’t have the fortitude to deal with. When Eddie takes his turn in the bathroom, you search through the little drawer he’d cleaned out for you to find soft cotton pyjamas that have your eyes drifting the second you have them on.

When Eddie returns, you’re standing in the middle of the room fiddling with your hands, still a little worried about the assumption of getting into his bed when he’s not there.

“C’mon, sweet thing,” he says, holding the covers open for you and tucking them over your shoulder when you’re settled on the good pillow, the one he insists you take every time. You watch, heart sore, as Eddie removes every one of his rings, counting the little metallic clanks as he drops them on the table. Then goes his bracelet, his watch and his wallet chain. You stare shamelessly as he pulls his shirt over his head, soft hair following the collar up, up, up, and dropping down again in a curly mass around his pale shoulders as the fabric pulls away. You hear the distinct clink of his belt, curl your knees up at the heat the sound sends through your core. Eddie wiggles his hips a little as he pulls his jeans down, stepping out of them ungracefully, kicking them off his heels. He stands before you in his blue plaid boxers, all pale tattooed skin.

“You’ve been staring at me all evenin’,” he says, approaching you, dropping down in a squat so his face is right by yours.

You can’t argue, but find yourself fiddling with the duvet, pulling it up to your cheek and half hiding in it to mumble into the polyester. “I like looking at you.”

“Yeah? Well, looking’s free. Usually touching would cost you,” he says, reaching out with a finger to pull the cover down from your face and leaning in like he’s sharing a secret. “But, uh, just between you and I, sweet thing, you can touch for free, too.” Your toes curl, glancing quickly at Eddie’s pink mouth, watching his lips tilt. “Need some of my services just now?”

“Yeah,”

He hums, his big hand capturing your cheek to tilt your face to his. Eddie’s kisses are gentle and warm. You taste dried toothpaste on his lips, the lasting smoke in his breath from that final cigarette. Then, when your kisses have turned too sleepy to last, just soft presses to his bottom lip, he climbs into the other side of the bed and reaches out for you, fingers wiggling. You tuck yourself into his side, and fall asleep quick.

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You drift to waking, gently pulled from sleep by sunshine peeking through cheap blinds and the distant sound of a barking dog. You are comfortably cozy under the sheets. Even having shifted to either side of the bed in the night, no longer tangled, you can feel the heat of Eddie at your back.

You half snooze for a long time, eyes drifting open to take in the contents of the room. The amps and the Corroded Coffin wall hanging, a closet slightly more full than the first time you were here, a floor still messy but less littered with piles of half clean half dirty laundry. Eddie’s acoustic guitar, his writing overtop in white, THIS MACHINE SLAYS DRAGONS.

You close your eyes again. The next time they open, the room is brighter. Turning ungracefully, you come face to face with Eddie, and huff a soft laugh through your nose. Eddie’s hair in the morning is a beast, pressed to either side of his face from his tossing against the pillow. Some locks frizzed to the point of dullness, some still set in loose curls; both types tossed over the front of his face. Reaching out, you tuck each lock back until you can see him properly, every pretty feature of his face.

You consider trying to wake him, but find yourself simply shuffling closer, tucking yourself into him, nose at his neck. Eddie hums, one arm coming up instinctively to settle over your half asleep body.

You finally jump awake to the sound of the front door falling closed in a swinging slam. Eddie blinks opposite you, fully registering the noise and your presence together. He hums, closes his eyes again, takes a deep breath through his nose and opens his mouth wide to yawn so loud he might as well have screamed.

“Coffee, boy!?” Wayne calls as Eddie stretches and cracks his pale limbs. He glances at you in question.

You chew the inside of your lip. “Should he know I’m here?”

Eddie takes this in for a second, then smiles. “I mean, he’s about to, either way.”

Regret at not having asked Eddie to set an alarm rids all the warm cosiness of the scene. Your face feels hot already at the thought of facing Wayne on a Saturday morning having clearly slept in this bed. “He’ll- he’ll think we-”

Recognition dawns on Eddie’s face, and he shakes his head quickly. “He won’t think anything, sweetheart,” he tells you, leaning in till he’s put himself in your eyeline. Eddie’s expression is earnest until it shifts into an amused smile. “I’ll even tell him you slept on the floor to preserve my innocence. Score you some points with the old man.”

Eddie’s sleepy laughter has some of the tightness in your chest abating. The sight of his eyes crinkling at the sides, dimples digging into his cheeks, is a treat you don’t usually get so early.

“What time is it?” You ask, realising it may not be early at all if Wayne’s back. Eddie grabs his watch from the bedside table, blinks away residual blurriness.

“Nine thirty.”

Later than you’ve slept since school started back up, yet even now, the thought of curling back up in Eddie’s arms and snoozing for a little longer is an attractive prospect you’re seriously considering.

“I heard your caterwaul of a yawn, boy! How many coffee’s am I making!?”

Eddie raises an eyebrow. You nod. He calls back. “Three! If you can count that high!”

The sounds of clinking mugs and sizzling oil mix with Eddie’s soft grunts as he gets himself dressed, jumping up and down to pull his jeans over his feet and searching through the closet for a t-shirt adorned with three angels, all smoking.

He takes you in when he’s put his rings on, no doubt almost as messy haired as him, watching him from his bed. Brown eyes bright, Eddie leans in to give you a soft kiss.

“Morning, sweet thing,” he says. His hand cups your cheek, letting you press into his wide palm. “Take your time, mm? I’ll assure Wayne my innocence remains intact.”

Your nose scrunches at his teasing, even as you turn to press a quick kiss to the centre of his hand. Eddie rubs a thumb under your eye, then shuffles out his door. Immediately, the noise of clinking plates is smothered by the exchange of familiar jabs and teases between the uncle and nephew.

The days you’ve spent here have made you realise how special their relationship is. Not something less than father and son, but in fact something more. Wayne looks upon Eddie with the exasperated fondness of a dad, but reserves the true judgement they can be prone to. No passive aggressive comments about Eddie’s track record at school, nor questions about the way he dresses, despite the bookmarked King James bible that sits on the coffee table. He’s ruffled Eddie’s hair kindly every time he’s been here while you were doing homework, hung his latest C- graded test up on the fridge. Eddie told you Wayne bought him that acoustic guitar when he was thirteen, saved up for months to take him to a real music shop in Indianapolis and let him pick one out.

You can see, even, the parts of Wayne that have filtered straight down to Eddie. Their humour overlaps, the way they can banter back and forth with each other, never crossing the line into hurt. Though, where Eddie can’t help but grin at a good joke, Wayne remains deadpan through every jibe.

Wayne, when he gets talking, can spin a yarn the same way Eddie can. Stories about his nights at the factory, his old job driving trucks across the country, his youth, told not in a long ramble, but structured perfectly to have you on the edge of your seat.

You know now that Eddie’s kindness, the way he treats you, was a gift from Wayne. His genuine interest in your life, your plans. His continual, earnest offer of food from his fridge every time he sees you. When your mom made a lasagne for you to take in thanks for all the evenings you’ve spent here, Wayne didn’t send the dish with Eddie to school, but drove to your house with it cleaned to a shine to hand it back and thank her personally. Soon after, Eddie let it slip that the daisies he brought you for your first date were bought at Wayne’s insistence.

You’d wondered, that day at the lake, how a boy treated like Eddie is treated could be so bright and kind.

Wayne was the answer.

So you should be braver, emerging from Eddie’s room in that big hoodie of his he’d been lending you on and off and shorts you’d left here the last time you stayed over, no doubt still sporting panda eyes from last night. But you find yourself making use of the long sleeves, fidgeting with your fingers against the fabric.

Eddie’s in the midst of getting his wrist thwacked with a spatula for attempting to steal a streak of bacon as Wayne transferred them from pan to plate. Gasping, he holds his hand in the air and lets his wrist fall limp. “I- I can’t feel my fingers!”

Wayne silently watches Eddie flop his hand back and forth, only a slight crinkle at his eyes suggesting he finds anything his nephew is doing at all amusing. When he catches sight of you, his gaze barely flickers from your messy hair to Eddie’s hoodie. “Mornin’,” he says, turning his back to a still howling Eddie to shake the pan. “Eggs? Bacon?”

The temptation to refuse, to be polite and pretend you don’t want anything from him prickles at the back of your mind. Only, experience has taught you he’ll only plate you up something anyway. There for you if you change your mind, something both he and Eddie say frequently.

“Please,” you nod.

“You gonna set the table, Eddie?”

“How can I?” Eddie cries, wrapping his other hand around the injured arm and holding it up as if the ailment has moved all the way to his elbow. “With this!?”

Wanting to make yourself useful, you venture into the cutlery drawer yourself, giggling as Eddie shakes his limp hand at you, before pulling up the fold out table at the other side of the kitchen. “You’re on coffee duty then, Ed.”

Eddie gives up the routine at the prospect of picking out mugs, his eyes shining. It’s an activity he seems to enjoy deeply; shuffling over to the expansive collection and perusing them like he doesn’t already know exactly who’s getting what.

Eddie likes to give Wayne a novelty Garfield mug, something about the quiet, serious man drinking from the head of the large orange cat tickling him. For himself, a black mug with THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE printed in white letters around a cartoon duck. For a while, he has been trying out different mugs for you, showing the best of Wayne’s extensive collection. But he’s settled on a white NASA mug Wayne picked up on a trip to Houston. “For my smart girl,” he’d said the first time he handed it to you, expression all fondness and pride.

Eating together is becoming familiar to you now. Wayne has picked up on your tendency to keep quiet the same way Eddie did, sometimes asking you questions but generally letting you decide when you want to speak without much prying.

“You two got plans?” He asks, glancing briefly at you then turning to Eddie when you look unsure.

“Uh, nothing solid,” Eddie says, focused on the construction of an increasingly complex breakfast sandwich. “But I was thinking about heading to Greenfield to pick up an album. I had loan of Accept’s newest record from Jeff before he remembered I had it.” His tongue peeks out at his concentration, topping the egg, bacon, hashbrown and tomato with a final piece of toast. “Didn’t think three months was too long to keep it. I mean, what’s an album between friends?”

You watch in near fascination as he manages to keep it all in tact through a large bite. He chews slowly, and swallows. “I’d welcome a road trip buddy if you’d be so inclined, Princess.”

Your face warms at the name used in front of Wayne, but you nod.

“There’s a good bookshop, too,” he says, clearly holding himself back from taking another significant bite. “S’where I got my copy of Orpheus.” He must see something, excitement probably, move across your face, because next Eddie is flashing a pleased smile. “Sound good?”

“Sounds good.”

When you’re all finished, dishes washed by you at your gentle insistence, face scrubbed further with luke warm water from the tap and hair finger combed through, you leave a yawning Wayne to his fold out.

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The shop, located two towns over from Hawkins, smells like the music room at your first school. The memory hits you as soon as you walk through the door; standing in three lines and belting out an off tune Amazing Grace with another thirty kids. Playing with claves and tambourines. Eddie seems in his element here, directing you through display shelves of pop and country records around a corner to the back where his kind of music is kept. “Course, some albums I just use the cassette,” he tells you, rifling through a couple of records. You look around the section yourself, counting up the albums you recognise from Eddie’s desk, his glove compartment. “But when I love an album I kinda have to get it on vinyl, you know?”

You don’t, not really. You have your own pile of albums in your room, all plastic rectangles ready for your cassette player or your walkman. Your dad has a collection of country records, your Mom some Joni Mitchell, the Crosby, Stills and Nash records she played constantly when you were a child. Before Eddie started asking you to pick out albums you thought looked good in his room, you hadn’t touched a vinyl since your aunt asked you to put on the White Christmas over the holidays.

Eddie senses your confusion, and shrugs. “I mean, I wanna see the album art for real,” he tells you, finding one as an example. “Not quite as effective at four by three inches, right?” You recognise it immediately as Holy Diver. Eddie has a shirt with this cover on it; a demon standing over a priest splashing in water. He was wearing it that day in the woods, when you ran right up and kissed him. He takes the record from you when you nod, placing it back carefully.

“And there’s albums a stereo just can’t do justice to. They’re useful when I wanna skip songs. But hearing it from start to finish? At the highest quality? It just needs a record. Ah-” He finds the album he came here for and shows you. A blue background, with a chrome, blocky heart shape filled with valves and pumps. "Metal Heart," Eddie explains. "Latest, and best, album by Accept. They're this German heavy metal band? The lead guitarist, Wolf Hoffman?” He sighs wistfully, looking off into the distance. “Man, what I'd do if I got him in a room alone.”

You make an awful snorting sound when you laugh, have to ignore the delight on Eddie’s face lest you burn up entirely. "So,” you start. “Heavy metal is different from regular metal, or is it just another term for it?”

Eddie's face lights up at the question, putting on a refined accent. "Heavy metal, young lady, is a type of metal that encompasses many genres,” he explains, bringing a hand up to add to the role. “For example, one could say all thrash metal is heavy metal, but only a simple fool, would seek to claim that all heavy metal is thrash metal. Do you follow?” His character falls apart at your giggle. “I said metal too many times, huh? Note taken. You wanna listen?"

At your nod, Eddie walks you back round to the front towards a row of glass booths housing record players and headphones. You watch his hands move carefully, treating the record with the same care he uses to hold your hand. When it's in place, he dons the headphones and places the needle, nodding his head until it reaches the start of the particular song he wants you to hear. His hair fans out a little as he removes them, making to place them over your ears until you flinch and he jerks them back.

“A little loud,”

“Ah, shit, sorry,” he says, turning a knob on the record player. “I forgot. Princess ears.” He replaces the headphones, eyebrows raising in question. The volume more manageable now, you nod happily, listening to pulsing guitars build in intensity, joined by thrashing drums and eventually the telltale screeching voice that immediately transports you into Eddie’s room, the soundtrack of his life.

Eddie’s eyes are all soft excitement, shining at you, watching for your reactions.

If you had to make a list of all the things to like about Eddie, his passion would surely sit near the top. The way he fizzes all over to talk about music, and Dungeons and Dragons and Lord of the Rings. The way he’s desperate to share his interests with you. Not out of expectation for you to feel exactly the same about any of it, and certainly not with any assumptions that you should understand it already. Just to share, to let you in, to show himself to you.

You wish you were more like him, that way. That you weren’t more comfortable hiding, keeping bits of yourself under lock and key lest their exposure leave the most delicate parts of you open to attack. You try to imagine Eddie using anything like that against you. You remember him leaning across the table to you on your first date, listening to you ramble about wyverns and etymology while your feet tapped your anxiety out onto the floor. He’d thanked you for sharing. Very metal, he’d said.

Three minutes in, and you realise Eddie’s been playing the whole song in his head, because he brings his hands up to follow the chords playing in your ears with an imaginary guitar, hair shaking as he throws his head back and forth. Then he flashes his smile, soft cheeks displaying his dimples and smile lines.

You can’t help it.

You step forward until your feet are patterned with his. You reach out for his sleeve, playing with the chains keeping the left connected across his wrist. Eddie’s still watching you when you tilt your chin, leaning towards him to press your lips to his. Anxiety prickles along your spine, but you know that nobody can see you. Even better, you know that Eddie is between you and the door, hiding you from the world. With the distinctive chains of his jacket in your fingers, his music sounding through your headphones, his lips on yours; everything around you is Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

Safe, safe, safe.

He pulls away with a huff of breath against your lips, giving you a series of chaste pecks like he isn’t quite ready to stop kissing you entirely despite protesting lungs. Your face burns, but it’s worth it for the way Eddie is staring at you when you finally open your eyes.

“What was that for?” He mouths, gaze flicking to your lips and back to your eyes.

You bring your foot up, pressing the top of it to the back of your ankle and sliding it up and down your calf. A braver version of you would say what every part of you is screaming. Instead you shrug, still fiddling with his sleeve. Eddie tilts his head, clearly unsatisfied, but doesn't press you.

"I like this," you tell him as it finishes, removing the headphones.

"Well, that settles it," he answers, sliding the record from the player back into its sleeve. "You're coming home with me."

You watch Eddie navigate the shop like it's a second home. He stops off at the cassettes, rifling through for anything new, anything he might not have heard before. He grabs a couple blank tapes too, looks at you to the side with pink cheeks. "In case I wanna make any more mixtapes."

At the desk, Eddie places everything down carefully while you wait at the empty till. After a good thirty seconds, you start playing with the rings on Eddie's left hand while his other raps against the wooden desk. "Uh, hello? Anybody- ah, shit."

"Munson," says the bespeckled boy who emerges from the back room.

Eddie’s fingers twitch, and you cease your fidgeting to look up at him, find his face pulled taught. "Oh, hi. I, uh, didn't think you worked on Saturdays anymore."

"Switched to the weekend shift," he answers, stony faced. "That gonna be a problem for you? Surely you’re not still in highschool?"

Eddie frowns, hand twitching again as he sighs. "Listen, man, I'm not looking to argue-"

"Don't know why else you'd show your face. You know your money's no good to me."

Eddie slumps, all the easy happiness pulled from him. He hasn’t looked at you once, and your heart aches.

"I'm buying these," you declare, searching through your bag for your purse. Tissues, no, lipgloss, no, mixtape, no.

They both turn to you. The boy behind the desk takes you in finally, his nose wrinkling. "Oh yeah? You a metal fan?"

"Mm hmm,” you say, voice higher than you’d like.

"Okay, name three Metallica albums."

You glance at Eddie, find him rolling his eyes until you ask. “But Metallica only has two albums, right?"

Eddie’s immediate smile is warmth inducing, causes you to shuffle with shy pride. You thrust out the money in your hand, start gathering up the items again to place in your shopping bag while Eddie grins in the face of the scowling man.

"Whatever,” he says finally. “I don't wanna see you around here again, Munson."

Eddie gives him a little salute, then grabs the bag from you and takes your hand to leave.

"Jesus," he breathes as soon as the bell announcing the doors closure sounds. "You can't talk like that, sweet thing. We're in public. You’ve-" He scratches at the back of his neck. “You’ve really been listening to me talk about it all the time, huh?”

You frown. “Of course, Eddie. I like it,” you answer, tugging his hand to start the walk back to the van. “Who was that?"

Eddie’s smile drops. "Uh, Peter? We actually, kinda used to be friends. I introduced him to all his favourite bands back in the day, you know? Then suddenly he’s the gatekeeper of metal- I mean it’s a fucking joke.” He opens the side door, placing your bag behind the front seat. “S'how I met Gareth, really. Poor kid couldn't name two Dio albums so he gets insulted buying the latest one, what the hell is that? We all have to start somewhere. I mean, when I met that guy he was a U2 fan. Anyway-” he continues, closing the door. “I told him he was being a dick and he got all pissy about it."

You chew your lip. "He acts that way, because you called him a dick?"

Eddie blanches, his head falling back with a quick groan. "Okay, I wanna add a disclaimer that I was sixteen and dumb," he starts. "And he really was being a dick, acting like- like all those guys metalheads are supposed to hate in the first place, and-"

"And?"

"And I hit him. Real gentle. With my fist."

"Eddie,"

"Sweet thing, even you woulda decked him if you'd been there. I swear. And, I just can't fucking stand that shit, you know?"

You do know. Eddie is all gentle touch and soft smiles around you, but something changes in him when he’s witness to injustice. He'd had to miss a date just last week because he had detention, brought about by standing over a sophomore who'd dared to mess with one of the freshmen in Eddie's club. "You make one vague threat about human sacrifice and suddenly everyone's got an opinion on what constitutes bullying," he'd complained later. "If teachers aren’t gonna teach that kid not to be a cunt, why shouldn't I scare it out of him?"

You've heard him call the whole group his little sheep, laughing like he doesn't kind of mean it. Like he doesn't think of them as weird kids he'd gathered together in something of a herd, a pack. Like he doesn't think of himself as their shepherd, as their protector.

"Point is," he says now. "He's the one in the wrong, I swear. Shit. I can't believe he works weekends now."

"Well, I can go in for you."

"Yeah? You can set him straight, my baby metalhead. Fuck- didn't even say thank you. Was too busy trying to pretend I wasn't half fucking hard-" You make a soft noise and Eddie blinks, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry. How much was it again?"

You press a toe to the top of your other shoe shyly. "Can't I buy you them?"

"Huh?"

"Like a gift?"

Eddie’s face twists. You thought he was just being a gentleman, when he’d paid sneakily on your first date. You know now that’s only part of it. He likes driving you places but won’t accept gas money, likes making you dinner at his home but won’t let you pay for groceries when you tag along on errands. The only thing he doesn’t get twitchy about is your baking, but that’s because you’re there eating them too. You think this might further influence from Wayne; a certain pride, a refusal to accept anything monetary from you.

"But, sweet thing-"

"Please, Eddie?"

He watches you, conflicting emotions passing along his expression. "Okay. But you’re picking out a book. A real fancy one. I wanna see leather binding yeah? And one of those little ribbons attached, okay?"

Your toes curl, nodding happily. "Okay."

You feel more at home as you walk through a glass door to the smell of old paper and ink.

Joan Baez croons from the record player in the corner. The woman at the register nods as you enter but offers no other greeting. Eddie follows after you when you make a beeline to the poetry section; full of battered, well loved books with cracked spines and fading covers.

You send Eddie a shy look, spine prickling from being watched in what feels like a solitary activity. You rub your thumb at a dusty shelf, wondering how to tell him, when he leans in a little. "Hey, you’ve been taking all my music recommendations. Anything for me to read?”

“Oh,” you say, mind lighting up before dimming at the thought of being too pushy, or recommending something he might hate. “I don’t know.”

“C’mon,” he says, leaning in more until he's all you can see, tilting his head until you’re looking into his eyes. “What are you thinking?”

You chew the inside of your lip. “Mm. Maybe- Have you ever read The Metamorphosis?”

Eddie leans back, shoves his hands in the pockets of his jacket. “Can’t say I have.”

“I think,” you consider it again. “I think you’d like it. It’s about, well- A man turns into…an insect.” You simmer over the fact you want to share, let yourself believe that Eddie will be as willing as always to hear it. “It was written in German, and the word for what he turns into literally translates to, like, an animal you can’t sacrifice. Like, vermin?” Eddie’s watching you round off this information in a rush, smiling a little. “Kafka, the writer, didn’t want the actual animal to be specific. But sometimes it’s mistranslated and people say he turns into a beetle, or…or a cockroach,” you trail off, cringing at the sound of yourself. “I’m not selling it very well.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” he answers. “Sounds suitably weird. Kafka, you said? I’ll get searching.”

Eddie disappears round the corner, leaving you to comfortable contemplation of the poetry selection. Rilke's entire works, some Wilde, some Shelley. You search for something new and land on a name you've never heard. Drawing it from the shelf, you peer at the cover, a silhouette of a bridge bathed in orange, with the Selected Poems by Marina Tsvetaeva printed above.

You read a couple of the shorter poems, struck by her voice, her imagery. Turning to a random page, see the original Russian on one side, the English translation on the other. The title, asking the question, Where Does Such Tenderness Come From? Your heart pangs in recognition of her feelings as you read, the best part of poetry always finding yourself reflected back at you.

You and your eyelashes - she writes. Longer than anyone’s, as if she knows about the eyes you wish you had the confidence to stare into without respite.

“Found anything?”

You jump, closing the book quickly as if you’d been reading something illicit. Eddie gives you a quick up and down look, keeping his distance until your shoulders drop their tension. “Yes,” you say, turning the book so he can see the cover. “I’d never even heard of her but I like her already.”

“Enough to kick poor Rainer off the top spot?”

You feel that strange warmth that comes with being known, the little reminder of things that Eddie has learned and remembered about you. “Not quite, but I’ll still give her a chance.” You glance down at the book in Eddie’s hands, glad to see he’s grabbed your recommendation. “You like it?”

“Seems weird as fuck,” he confirms matter of factly. “So it’s almost like I’m contractually obliged to read it, you know?”

He pulls the new book gently from your hands, retrieving his chained wallet from his back pocket. "My turn," he says with an unusual seriousness. “You want any others?”

You shake your head, lean up to give him a soft kiss on the cheek, surrounded and sheltered as you are by shelves and books. “Thank you, Eddie.”

“Nah,” he says, face a soft pink.

Later, when Eddie has followed you perusing shop windows, and you are full up on drive through fries, eaten in the front of Eddie’s van as you listened to his story of negotiating $20 of payment between his entire band for their nights playing at the Hideout, Eddie drives you back, glancing over at you every so often like he wants to say something, but turning his head back to the road every time instead.

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You feel relaxed, content, sitting comfy on the couch outside of Eddie’s trailer. He popped his head in earlier and found Wayne still sleeping, so you settled here to read in companionable silence. You, discovering more of Marina’s voice, drifting back again and again to the one poem that makes your chest full.

Eddie lies with his head resting on your lap, flicking through the short novella. You play with his hair throughout, curling locks around your fingers and stroking his fringe back from his forehead. Occasionally, you glance down at him, taking in his furrowed brow and eyes shining wet at a couple moments.

“Well, that was fucked up!” Eddie cries, snapping the book shut and somehow managing to whisper a yell. “He just dies? And they don’t care?”

You close your book to focus on him, resting it next to you. You let your fingers tangle into his hair, scratching softly. Eddie, even in his indignation, tilts his head towards the satisfying feeling like a cat. “Mm. That’s the point. He was living his life for his family, but they didn’t really care about him.”

“Yeah, but there’s not caring about someone and there’s hurtling fruit at them,” he reasons. “That Kafka guy had issues, I can’t be the only one who’s noticed.”

You crack a shy smile. “I think he’s brilliant.”

“Yeah, well,” Eddie’s dimples tease you. “You’re a freak.”

Your stomach flips at the affection in his voice, fingers stilling in his hair for a second before resuming their gentle caress.

It hits you then, watching Eddie's pretty face, that you’re going to be alone with him again through the night, without interruption, and your throat lumps. As if he realises at the same time, Eddie sits up, hair still at angles from your exploring hands. His mouth opens, then closes again, his eyes flicking from your face to your hands where you’ve started fiddling with the hem of your shirt.

Forcing yourself to take on his example, you ask, “what are you thinking, Eddie?”

“Big question,” he says. “But uh, I guess, I never thought…I never thought sex was that important, you know? Hell, I lost my virginity in the bathrooms at the Emerson Theatre.” His eyes scrunch closed as soon as he says it, like he regrets letting that particular detail slip right now. When one opens, and finds you smiling at him encouragingly, he sighs with his whole body. “And, I hope you know that it wouldn’t matter to me if you had been with somebody else,” he continues, eyes wide. “Like, at all. But at the same time, I’m happy I’m first, you know? Cause I know I can look after you. I can give you what you deserve. Which, again, technically should be a big fancy bed and linen sheets, but some people have absolutely no patience, so-”

“Eddie,” you groan. But it has no bite. You’re already smiling at him, grabbing at his palm to play with his fingers, heart full.

He clears his throat. “So yeah, that’s what I’m thinking about. Also seeing you naked, obviously. But that takes up a good 30% of my brain pretty much all the time so it’s not entirely relevant here.”

“You’re so annoying,” you laugh, watching him clutch his chest in mock hurt.

“I just bared my soul to you!” He cries, watching your giggles incredulously. “Do’st thou mock me? Have you no heart, woman?”

You bury the rest of your laughter in his neck, feeling a kind of dizzy happiness that makes it hard to stop. Eddie’s chest shaking under your cheek tells you that he’s as affected, a hand coming up to stroke at your hair as the mirth fades. Turning to look at where your hands have started up playing with his fingers again, you think about what you want to say.

“Eddie,” you whisper, pulling from his neck, looking between his eyes and his forehead as you search for the bravery he has in spades, the ease to tell him that it always had to be him.

Only, the front door of the trailer opens, revealing a sleepy looking, shirtless, Wayne.

“Oh, Jesus, have some decorum, man!” Eddie yells, covering your eyes with his hand.

“Evenin’, Eddie,” he says, followed by your own name. You wave, blinking to Eddie’s palm. “Get everything you wanted?”

“Yup, sweet girl bought me my very own Metal Heart,” he grins, tapping the album where it sits at his side on the couch as you wrestle his arm away. “Sleep well?”

“As good as I can.” He answers earnestly. “Just makin’ coffee then I’ll hit the road. You want anything?”

"I want you to put some clothes on!"

“No, thank you,” you answer over him, shaking your head and leaning into Eddie’s arm. When Wayne's gone, you glance up, find those soft eyes, those long dark eyelashes. Longer than anyone's.

"What are you thinking?"

You answer honestly. "That you're gonna look after me."

"I will," he nods, sounding almost stern. "As long as you want me to."

You wish it was easy to say, but all you can do is think it.

Always, always, always.

Wayne leaves with a gruff goodbye, a reminder to Eddie that there's left over pasta in the refrigerator. You remember the first time you were here at the same time as Wayne, the almost desperate rush to get into Eddie's room the second he was gone.

Now, you and Eddie stay, settled into one another for a long while after, until the sun has moved from high overhead to just behind the trees in front, turning the scene to a silhouette backlit with orange light. Eddie disappears, comes back with bowls of that pasta. You talk about school, and Eddie's band. He explains more about thrash metal, you tell him your new favourite German word you’d learned only yesterday. When the orange fades to blue-black, Eddie looks over at you.

"Ready?"

You wonder what it means, that despite the increasing thrum of your heart in your chest, you don't even have to think about it. "Yes."

He holds your hand all the way to his room, guiding you through like you don't know how to find his bed at the end. When the door is closed, sheltering you from the world outside, you wrap your arms tight around him, give yourself the comfort of hiding in his collar, feeling the slow rise and fall from his breath.

Eddie hums, his hand coming to that space at the back of your neck that eases everything in your body that you’re used to holding tight. “How you feeling, honey?”

“Good,” you mumble. Then, wondering if he can feel the heavy beat of your heart. “Nervous.”

“Okay,” he says, fingers stroking and squeezing at your tender skin. “What are you nervous about? Anything we can fix?”

You let that thought sit. You are still learning how much Eddie means it when he says things like that. Still practising the belief that Eddie wants you to share your worries, carry some of the burden for you. The responsibility of trying to shed the weight, the disappointment of knowing some of it just has to be carried.

You’re resigned to telling him, but finding the exact reason for the nerves twisting your stomach takes its own time. With anyone else, you’d be worried about pain, about what happens if you have to stop. These concerns float away on their own at the feeling of Eddie’s hand stroking at you, his lips pressing kisses at your temple. Then you land on it, and press your face deeper against the softness of his shirt.

“I don’t know, I guess- What should I do?” You ask, voice small. “So it’s good for you, too.”

You feel his sigh from the rise in his chest, the shake of his head from the brush of his hair against your cheek.

“Will you look at me?” He asks, waiting for you to tilt your head to find him. “You want the truth?” You nod, chin still tight to his shirt. Eddie’s eyes narrow a touch, leaning down conspiratorially. “It will feel good for me,” he starts, his free hand rubbing at your waist. “If we can get your pussy all soft, first.” A surprised throb between your legs has you clenching down on nothing, close to whimpering at the gentle roughness of Eddie’s voice. “All soft, and wet enough that I can just slide in, fill you up easy. Making you cum on my cock, sweet thing. That’s what’ll feel good, for me.” Eddie gives you a wolfish grin as he starts walking you backwards towards his bed, raising his eyebrows in question. “Think we can do that?”

It’s easy, then. “Yes, Eddie.”

“Mm, my good girl,” he says, holding you with the backs of your knees pressed to the side of his mattress, his nose at your temple. “Can I kiss you?”

Even easier. “Yes, Eddie.”

His lips press soft across your cheek and down to your mouth, warm and waiting for him. He's gentle with you, none of the fierceness you've felt in Eddie's kisses more recently. Like he's restraining himself, learning how you like to be touched in the lead up to something new. Your hands find his shoulders, soft cotton of his shirt, and rub at the fabric. His tongue flicks subtly against your bottom lip, but you're already desperate to taste him for real, letting him press deeper without any more prompting.

You feel it at the sound of his laugh, the sudden curve of his lips, the huff of air from his nose against your cheek. The addictive high of showing Eddie how shameless he makes you, the knowledge that he sees you as you are. Not a wallflower here, or a naïve girl. Not an ingénue, to be taken advantage of, or protected from corruption.

With Eddie, you can be as you are. Inexperienced and desperate in equal measure, as nervous as you are sure.

"Fuck," Eddie breathes, pulling away only to blink down at you for a couple seconds before he captures your mouth again, tongue pressing to yours, hot and wet. You whine slowly, rising in volume, your fingers clasping at him. "S'alright," he soothes, giving you another press to your pout. His hand rubs at the back of your neck, encouraging you to lean your head into his support, give him space to leave plush kisses down the side of your throat.

"Eddie," you whisper, softer than you'd expected. Not a moan, or even a plea for more. Just to say it, to feel the shape of his name in your mouth again.

"So sweet," Eddie says, voice a wonderful vibration against your sensitive neck. "Sweetest girl I've ever seen- fuck. Can I?" His hands tug at the hem of your sweater and you nod desperately, helping him pull it off over your head. His lips return to your skin the second the material is on the floor, a wet press down to the softness of your chest. You feel his smile, his excited breath. He sucks, pulls at your flesh until it aches and you squirm. “Mm,” he sighs. “Can’t help it. Wanna mark you up-”

Gentle hands peel your bra from your chest, the tenderness vanishing with his tongue finding the pert bud of your nipple, treating the sensitive peak to wet warmth and friction that has your toes curling. The quick scrape of teeth makes you bat at Eddie's shoulder even as your body tilts to follow his mouth when it retreats.

He gives the other similar treatment, groaning when your fingers drift upwards to tug at his hair. Another little squeak at the graze of his teeth and he’s pulling away to look at you. Your heart jumps at the sight of him, hair mussed from burying himself into your skin, face a light pink, lips wet and kissed dark. The way his eyes flick about you, you’re sure you must be in a similar state.

Eddie’s throat bobs. “Wanna sit up on the bed, there?”

You nod, letting him help you up to the mattress and stand between your swinging legs.

“Need to go over something else, before we really get started,” he tells you, walking you back to sit on the bed, legs swinging off the side. Eddie drops to his knees to take your ankle in hand and pull at your laces. He sets your sneakers to the side, pings your socks over after them. He presses tickling kisses up your calves, eyes all bright when you laugh and kick at him slightly.

Once he’s back at your height, his hands move to your waistband, thumbing at the button of your shorts. “You know that any time you wanna stop, you just say, okay? I mean it, sweet thing.” He pops the button, pulls at the zip. When his hands smooth under the denim to your hips, helping pull them down, he continues. “Doesn’t matter when. Even if I’m making this face-” He scrunches his nose up and lets his tongue hang out in a gross approximation of his expression when he cums and you can’t help but cover your eyes at the image. “What, you don’t like it?”

“That’s not what you look like!”

“That’s right, you’re the expert now, huh? This better?” He asks, stretching his lips flat and crossing his eyes.

“Stoh-op!” You cry, somewhere between giggly and mortified. Eddie’s face settles back into its regular pretty softness, all shining amused eyes and laugh lines.

“That’s exactly what you say to me if you want me to, mm? Or slow down or anything else you want, okay?”

“Yes, Eddie,” you murmur, reaching up to tuck a piece of hair behind his ear. “Will you,” you swallow, playing with the neckline of his shirt. “Can you keep talking to me? While…”

“You say that like I'm gonna be able to stop talking. Hips up, sweetheart,” he says, helping you lie back so he can pull at your shorts. “Nah,” he breathes, hands disappearing to drag his shirt over his head. “You’ll be sick of my voice by tomorrow.”

Eddie helps you shuffle up the bed, your head falling easy to the good pillow.

“Never,” you tell him, arms opening to pull him in. He finds your mouth again, kisses a little more desperate, already a touch breathless. Your fingers brush at the back of his hair, soft curls between his shoulder blades.

Eddie’s hand dances over the soft skin of your stomach, pulling giggles from you when he hits ticklish spots. His fingers edge at the frilled waistband of your panties, waiting for your hips to tilt towards him to dip inside.

“Oh, honey,” he says with a gentle pout, fingers meeting the hot wet warmth between your legs. “Should’ve told me you were feelin’ desperate.”

Your thighs twitch at the first gentle circle around your clit. Eddie’s thick fingers, the roughness at their ends that catches the sensitive bud so perfectly with each little rub. Already your mind feels light with pleasure, body sinking into the bliss of being touched by Eddie. You’re caught between watching his hand where it disappears, the impression of his knuckles moving under blue cotton, and pulling up the courage to stare back at Eddie as he scans every twitch of your face. He grins at you when you manage to turn to him, licking his lips quickly. The little peek of his tongue, the memory of all the ways it makes you weak for him, has your legs kicking and twitching.

“Feels good, yeah?” He asks, eyes flickering to your lips as they open to let out a moan. “Want me to open this pussy up, sweet thing? Get you ready for me?”

You like that, enough that you nod desperately without thinking twice. “Yeah, want- please, Eddie?”

“Jesus,” he huffs a laugh, his fingers easing downwards only to drag slick from your pussy back up to your twitchy clit. “So fucking good, baby. Say please again?”

Your hips tilt up, chasing his hand though he makes no move to deprive you of it. Your whole body feels hot; from his words, his voice, as much as his touch. When you chance a look in Eddie’s eyes, all the warm brown has been swallowed up, leaving his gaze dark and intent on you. You curl your fingers into his shoulder, stare at the pick hanging from his necklace, swaying with the subtle movement of his torso following the pace of his arm. “Please, please, Eddie.”

You make a high noise of protest when his fingers pull away from your bud, shivers running up your spine at Eddie’s patronising coo, the jutting of his plush bottom lip. “Like I said, no patience. Isn’t that right, sweet thing?” He sighs, pushes at your thighs to catch a glimpse of the dark, sodden material between your legs. “Just gotta get these off you, give me space to work, hm?”

Eddie disappears from your side, moving down the bed to sit between your legs. His fingers hook quick into your waistband to pull your panties down your thighs.

“Fuck,” Eddie breathes, rubbing the wet cotton between his fingers. “Maybe you can be patient. You been wet all day, pretty?” You watch him lean over, hooking your panties over the headboard.

“Eddie,”

He only flashes you a grin, hand strokes at your thigh, fingers digging into the softness to push your leg back. You feel the sticky split of your cunt as it opens up for him, the wave of cool air against your heat.

“Fuck, look at her,” Eddie breathes, dropping down to his front. His wide eyes blink in near fascination, like it’s anything new to him, watching your cunt flex and shine. “You want two?”

You clench down at the thought. “Yeah.”

Eddie hums, nips at the skin of your leg as he drags his fingers through your slick. The first press inside is a good stretch, lacking the edge of pain that comes with three. They sink inside easily with a wet noise that would have you squirming away if you weren’t so fuzzy in the head, so desperate for the pleasure Eddie’s touch promises. The pads of his fingers find the spot at the end of you that he has mapped out, pussy fluttering around his fingers in protest every time they leave to press back in.

“Feels good?” Eddie asks, rubbing his face against your leg. You hum. “You want another?”

“Yeah,” you nod, craving more, wanting everything. “Yes, Eddie.”

“Mm. Open those legs just a little more, baby- yeah, good girl.”

Eddie gives you one final press of his lips to your thigh as he withdraws his fingers, stroking at you again to gather your slick across all three. You feel the blunt ends of his digits at your entrance, the first push and-

“Oh,” you whine, the familiar ache nothing compared to the euphoria of Eddie’s tongue coming to lap at your sensitive clit. Your hands fly down to his hair, clenching around soft curls as if there’s any possibility he might pull away. He groans, sending a pleasant thrum across your nerves. “Eddie, please.”

Your hips twitch when his fingers meet resistance half way deep, but Eddie stops his approach before you have time to register any discomfort. Clenching tight around his half buried fingers, Eddie lathes his tongue, wide and wet, from where his digits disappear inside to the top of your pussy. Your legs kick again, clit throbbing under his attention. He waits patiently for your body to relax into the pleasure, gently pulling his fingers back before pressing even deeper into your supplicating cunt.

“S’good, Eddie,” you whine, thighs pressing at the sides of his head without your wherewithal. All you know is you can feel him everywhere you need him most. His curls in your hands, tickling the sensitive insides of your legs. His tongue on your clit, gentle sucks that feel like kisses. His fingers filling you, stretching you and rubbing just right at the top wall of your cunt to send tingles along your spine. Ecstasy builds everywhere you can feel him, from a aching twitch between your legs to a wave that passes over your entire body.

Eddie’s name escapes you on repeat without shame. You hear him curse, feel the breath of it against your clit, as you squeeze tight around his fingers, pulsing with each peak of the high.

You finally slump into the mattress again, boneless and tingly. You ignore the wet sound produced by Eddie’s hand leaving your pussy, focusing on how he grins at you as he crawls up your body to settle over you, eyes crinkled at the sides with his satisfaction.

“Jesus, you’re so hot,” he laughs, leaning down to plant a breathless kiss to your lips. “Thought your thighs weren’t ever gonna let me up. Started planning a life down there, you know?”

You giggle, but can’t think of anything clever to say back, caught up in the perfect view of Eddie above you. Pink and lightly freckled, lips dark, the entire bottom half of his face shining from looking after you until he drags your slick to his tongue with his thumb. His hair falls forward like a curtain around your faces, tickling your cheeks until you reach up to tuck it back. He leans absent mindedly towards your hand then, enjoying the warmth of your palm.

As you caress Eddie’s face, he gives you a gentle, wide eyed look. “You still wanna?” He asks, a little rushed. “Cause we can stop right here.”

“I want to,” you answer, just above a whisper, but sounding as sure as you ever have done. “If you do.”

“Yeah,” he nods, like he hasn’t quite registered the full meaning. Then, as if he’s taken it in, “yeah. Okay. Okay.”

Eddie climbs off the bed, leaning over his bedside table to search through the drawer, hands emerging with a box labelled TROJAN and a bottle of clear liquid. You watch him fumble a little with the box until it opens, and pull out a square wrapper that has your face feeling hot, as if the presence of condoms is any more illicit that how Eddie has been touching you already.

“Look away!” Eddie jokes when he finds your eyes on him as he pulls at his belt. “Gotta keep my modesty in tact.”

You jokingly cover your eyes, hearing his laughter along with the clink of his belt, his zip pulling open. The mattress dips with Eddie’s return, and you peek through your fingers at him before settling your hands at your sides. Your mind fizzes at the sight of Eddie naked, settled on his knees between your thighs. Your eyes trace all the ink that decorates his torso, the softness of his stomach. The patches of dark hair on his chest, between his legs. His cock is a dark pink, swollen enough that the tip kisses his stomach. Eddie drags a hand over it with a soft groan like he’s been tortured by the wait. If he registers your staring, he doesn’t point it out, focusing on tearing open the foil wrapper and pulling a clear condom down over his length with a sigh.

Your fingers pull at wrinkles in the sheets as Eddie squirts some clear gel from the bottle into his palm, dragging his hand over his cock again to spread it. “What- what’s that?”

“Oh, uh, lube?” Eddie says, throwing the bottle down on the mattress with a bounce. “Makes it easier to, like, move I guess.”

“But-” You’d press your knees together if Eddie weren’t settled between them. “I’m wet.”

Eddie’s eyes flash, lips quirking. “You are, huh?”

“Eddie,”

“Mm. I know, sweet thing. But a little extra never hurt, mm?”

“Okay,” you murmur.

“Okay,” he answers. “I think it’ll be easiest like this, probably?” He drags the spare pillow from his side, tapping your hips gently to place it under you, tilting your body up to him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, Eddie. S’good.”

“Okay,” he breathes, shuffling forward. With one hand, he strokes gently at your thigh. The other finds your pussy, his thumb playing with clit until you’re feeling pleasured and loose, settled back onto the bed with fluttering eyes. “Still want this, Princess?”

You stare at him, heart sore as you take in his open expression. You can see the evidence of how desperate he must be, how much he wants this. But he looks at you, and you know he meant it when he said you could stop at any time, that he isn’t expecting anything from you, even now.

This body of yours is used to freezing up, follows a routine of tensing and shaking at questions less serious than this. You breathe, swallow, force yourself to look him in the eye. “I want you, Eddie.”

He watches you, searching for your certainty. You smile, a nervous thing, but real, and he nods. “Okay,” he says. “I’m gonna go slow. If it hurts, you say, yeah? Or kick me in the balls - whatever’s easiest.”

You giggle, shaking your head at him, your body feeling loose and relaxed by the time you feel the tip of him catch at your entrance. You make a soft noise at the back of your throat, wanting to watch him but also wanting desperately to keep yourself relaxed and open. You close your eyes, feel the softness of Eddie’s sheets under your fingers.

“Sweet girl,” Eddie murmurs, still circling your clit as the tip of him sinks inside. You feel the aching stretch of him, the pleasant warmth of Eddie’s cock under rubber. He’s saying something, talking to you like he promised, but you’re focused on your breath, on fighting the urge to bear down on him.

He must be a couple inches deep when he stops and pulls back only to press forward again and you think, for a second, you will be able to lay back and take all the pleasure Eddie always gives you, but-

His thumb circles just perfect at your clit and your pussy flutters, the new tightness resisting the slow press of his cock. It’s a sudden, shocking hurt that has your hips flinching to another stab of pain. Before you can help it your body is tensing all over, a soft pained sound escaping your throat.

“Fuck,” Eddie says, voice rough, and that the squeeze of your pussy must feel good doesn’t even register. You can only think that he must be as frustrated with your body as you are. Not in control, but a witness to it falling back into routine, pulling taught even as Eddie starts hushing softly. The more you tense, the tighter you feel, the pleasant ache of him pushing inside quickly turning to a stinging stretch that has you clenching fists in the sheets, tears springing to your eyes.

Eddie pulls out from you, and your chest throbs.

“I’m sorry,” you cry, wanting to close your legs and hide away from him.

Eddie’s warmth doesn’t vanish as you fear. In fact it grows as he leans over you, an arm coming to circle your waist. You feel his free hand at your hair, stroking it back from your face. “Look at me, baby,” he murmurs, his breath a gentle caress against your cheek. “You’re in that head, mm? C’mon out.”

The tears that had been bubbling under your eyelids spring free when you open them, tracking down your cheeks as Eddie shakes his head. He wipes each of them away with his thumb until they stop coming. “Sweet thing,” he breathes. “It hurt, and you needed to stop. It’s okay.”

His thumb strokes over your cheek again and you lean into it, resting your palm at the back of his hand as you sigh. Your fingers weave with his, everything better now that you can touch him, now that you can’t run away into your head away from his voice, so close to you.

“Wanna get dressed? We can watch something, mm?”

You shake your head immediately, feeling determined. “Can we try again?”

“We don’t have to-”

“I want to, Eddie.” You assure, hoping he believes you. You rub your cheek into his palm again. “But, can we stay like this?”

There’s a pause as Eddie blinks at you, then his mouth turns up. “Wanna change tactics, huh, Princess?” You nod, watching as he pulls away briefly to help pull the pillow out from under your hips, his hands pressing at your thighs so he can settle properly between them. You whine softly at the feeling of him, still hard and pulsing, between your legs.

Eddie comes back to you with a kiss, lets you wrap your arms around his shoulders to hold him close, get your fingers pressed to his warm skin, playing with the ends of his hair.

“Forgot who I was dealing with, didn’t I?” He says, rolling his hips so the tip of his cock drags over your twitchy clit. Your toes curl, the ball of your foot stroking a little at the back of Eddie’s calf as your legs curl round him. “My girl needs to touch me all over, huh?”

Eddie grins down at you, wiggles his hips just to hear you gasp at the friction of your clit, feel the way your digits dig at him, your right hand rubbing at a lock of his hair. Tension pours from your body at the weight of him all over you, the chance to watch Eddie’s joy at touching you, the pleasure he feels in tandem with yours at every roll of his hips..

He kisses you again, then both your cheeks and your nose and chin, peppers them in quick succession across your neck to get you giggly and soft. When he emerges, you watch each other. Eddie’s gaze flicks about your face while you count down the checklist of your favourite features; dimples and quirked lips, wrinkles at the sides of his eyes and laugh lines.

“Again?” He asks, one hand moving from your thigh to grasp his cock between you. You nod, press your digits into Eddie’s shoulder as his tip opens you up.

“Good fucking girl,” he breathes through the first slow thrust, voice clear as day now he’s so close. “You’re so good, baby.”

Pleasant shivers run through you at the praise. When the stretch makes your body pull taught, your fingers press at Eddie’s skin, letting him feel your need to slow. When the sound of his shaking breath, the sight of his eyes fluttering at the tightness of your cunt around him, has you excited and pliant again, your fingers playing at the ends of his hair tell him that he can start moving once more. Eddie pulls back each time before pressing deeper, humming you through each new tender stretch until you feel the wiry hair above his cock tease your clit. Your hips tilt, chasing the delicious rub, and you feel Eddie’s cock twitch inside you.

“Fuck, baby,” he murmurs, face dropping into your neck to groan. “How’s it feel?”

Your cunt flutters at the strain in his voice. This time, rather than sending warnings across your body at an unpleasant sting, your pussy bearing down aggravates a dull throb. Like pushing on a sore tooth, it’s painful and addictive all at once, clenching down again for the satisfying feeling of Eddie’s cock twitching inside you, the sound of him groaning against your skin.

“Good, Eddie,” you say honestly, fingers stroking through his hair. “Will you- can you move?”

“Yeah- fuck,” he nods into your neck, laughing softly. “Just gimme onnnnne second. Jesus. ‘How do I make it good for you?’ She asks, with heaven between her legs.”

Your body shakes as both of you giggle together, cut off by another whimpering moan from Eddie. “Aw, shit, don’t laugh or I’m really gonna embarrass myself.”

He tilts his head to the side, looking at you with his chin at your collar. His hips pull back, relieving your pussy of the ache until he slides forward again, letting you feel full, the weight and warmth of him inside you. It’s different than his fingers, which map out the best spots and play with them. Eddie’s cock, thick and heavy, drags along all of them at once.

His face is so close by yours, watching desperately for every sign of pleasure, any hint of discomfort. You open your mouth to reassure him, but all that escapes is a soft, pleased sound that makes his hips stutter.

“Feels good?” Eddie gasps, nodding like he wants to encourage you to agree.

“Yeah, s’good,”

“Fuck,” he says. “You’re gonna want this all the time now, yeah? Need your pretty cunt full of me?”

Pleasant tingles of shame dart up your spine, and one of Eddie’s hands slips between your bodies to rub at your clit again.

“Yeah? Say it, sweet thing.” He groans, hips stuttering at a clench of your cunt around him.

“Like being full of you, Eddie,” you whine, fingers tightening in his hair. “Want it all the time.”

“Jesus- Christ, you’re so good,” he breathes, his fingers bullying your sodden clit. The ache of his cock falls away in comparison to the onslaught of stimulation there, leaving only the satisfying resistance to your cunt clenching down, the sweet fullness, the friction against your sensitive walls. “You’re so good, letting me hear you. Your pretty voice- fuck. Just for me. Think you can cum?”

“Uh huh,”

“Yeah? Like this? Just like this?”

You nod desperately, hips twitching towards him. Chasing the rub of his fingers, the feeling of being stretched full when he presses deep, the throb of his cock inside.

“You cumming, sweet thing?” He asks, as if he can’t see the flutter of your eyes, feel your body clasp around him. “Yeah? Holy-”

Your high is a gentle thing, compared to what you felt with Eddie’s fingers and tongue. A quick rise and fall focused at the top of your cunt that shifts quickly into the numbness of overstimulation. The lasting ache is too present for anything more, but it feels like a promise, a hint of how good it can be with Eddie, if you do this with him again.

You feel boneless and tired while he finds his pleasure, staring down at your warm, satisfied face as he groans. You can feel him inside, the twitch of his cock as he groans, the sudden warmth behind rubber.

His body half collapses on yours, sweat slick skin sticking together. You wrap yourself around him, foot stroking at his calf, hands scratching at the back of his scalp while he tries to catch his breath against your neck. You can feel the pound of his heart where your chests press together, know he must feel yours. When they slow in tandem, beating together, you find Eddie’s wide, soft eyes.

“That-” his voice cracks, his throat clears. “Was that okay?” When you nod, offering a tired smile, he strokes some of your hair back. “I’m gonna pull out now, okay?” He says, waiting for you to nod again.

You take a shaky breath as Eddie’s softening cock pulls from you, stealing all the soothing warmth inside and leaving you with a sensitive, fluttering pussy. You whimper softly at the tender feeling. “I know,” he breathes. “I know, sweet girl. Gimme one second.”

Shivers run up your spine when Eddie disappears briefly to deal with the condom, a little prickle of something unpleasant at your neck. You’re only starting to replay everything you just did and said that might be shameful, embarrassing, in your head when he returns. Eddie wipes warm damp cloth between your legs. He smooths away the uncomfortable, cooling stickiness. Predictably, he tosses the cloth over his shoulder to fall back into bed and pull you into his chest. There, with his arms tight around you, his adoring gaze set on you, any shame your mind could convince you to feel falls away. Why would you dwell on it, when you can let yourself feel all the warmth Eddie brings?

You lie together for a few minutes, tracing Eddie’s tattoos. Over and over, you drag your pointer finger over the lines forming CORRODED COFFIN under his ribs, letters on Eddie’s skin.

“Thank you,” you murmur eventually, watching Eddie’s eyebrows pull together. You kiss his chest. “I’m glad it was you.”

“Yeah?” He asks, voice breaking a little at your immediate nod. “Well, uh, thank you for trusting me, sweetheart.”

You lie together until the sweat on your bodies is cool and sticky. When the first shiver runs up your body, Eddie helps you stand from the bed like he expects you to be walking like a new-born deer. You manage into the bathroom by yourself, emerge washed and clad in cosy pyjamas, his soft hoodie. Eddie takes his turn, and returns to bed with steamed warm pink skin and dripping hair that sprinkles droplets on your face when he shakes it out like a dog.

You drift asleep with Eddie’s breath at your ear, his fingers stroking steady at your waist.

You wake the next morning to that same sunlight through blinds, the same dog barking in the distance. If it weren’t for the new ache between your legs, you might have thought you’d dreamt the entire perfect day, woken up to find it was Saturday again.

You turn yourself over to Eddie’s side, find his long bare back, pale and dusted with freckles. In a second, you’ll curl yourself around him, wrap an arm over his torso so he can wake up feeling something like the way you feel when he holds you.

But now, your rapid pulse pounds in your ears. Even as he sleeps, your body won't allow you to say it, or even whisper it. Your throat closes up with the thought of too much, too soon.

But you ache to do something, to let the feeling out somehow. Caught between your throbbing heart and the worries that have kept you quiet your whole life, you shuffle forward, reach out, and draw eight letters, one after the other, on the soft skin of Eddie’s shoulder.

I L O V E Y O U

❦⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄❦⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄❦⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄❦⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄❦

Next Part

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fic #eddie munson x shy!reader

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eternal-kosmo-ghoul · 4 months

Text

*°:⋆ₓₒ day 25. fuck party

.｡❅*⋆⍋*∞*｡ “merry christmas”

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ — ❤︎ the ministry is all decorated in festive decor and it truly feels like the holidays are in season! now… what do these ghouls want to do with you?

pairing: era iv nameless ghouls x gn!reader

a/n: first off i just want to apologize for the last few days being so late. i really did try my best to make sure that each day had a good fic. this is the only fic that doesn’t really follow the prompt, but i tried my best. consider this fic a nice little letter for the start of 2024. happy new year, and please enjoy !!!

cw: slight nsfw content. horny ghouls. poly ghouls. implied orgy near the end. there’s nothing nsfw that really happens, just mentioned.

▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄

“we want to make this holiday special, dear. come on down to the nave of the ministry… you won’t be disappointed. merry christmas, sweetheart~” —❤︎

┅✦┅

the entire month has been a rollercoaster of emotions. each day you felt like something wild and absolutely ecstatic happens to you every day. it has only made your holiday season more and more interesting.

and now here you were, all cozied and nestled in your room, the scent of roasted chestnuts and currier ives lingering in the air. you sat atop your wooly quilt, with eight different letters in hand.

the slips were underneath your door when you came back from a long shift of working in the ministry. they were all decorated and colored differently, each envelope having its own unique flair and personality to it. you didn’t even have to read the names to know who’s was who.

smiling to yourself, you opened each letter one by one, excited to read what’s inside.

—

you had started off with the shiny white envelope. it was decorated in cute stationary stickers and the front was written in a glittery pink pen. at the bottom left corner of the envelope was a pink laced ribbon tied neatly with your name on it. if there was anyone that loved colors more than the entire human population, it was your favorite colorful ghoulette.

“aurora’s letter of thanks”

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ to my dear y/n,

hello my darling! i hope this letter reaches you well, because i know how the others can get at times~ happy holidays, my love. i know that this month has been busy for you because of the constant yule traditions, but i’m delighted that you were able to make some time for me and that we could make gingerbread houses together like usual! and i gotta say… your tongue skills never fail to impress me~ you made me come so hard i swore i was going to pass out!! but really though… thanks for being such a sweetie to me, the ministry really doesn’t deserve you. i hope to see you soon for our little surprise~

with lots of love,

aurora ghoulette

—

the next envelope was colored in a dreamy grey, with cute hearts inked in pen on the cover, it gave off a much more serene and calm vibe compared to the vibrant letter of aurora’s. at the back was a little pocket that contained a written song. after careful observing, you had determined it belonged to an infamous air ghoulette. oh what a songbird she was.

“cumulus’ dreamy songbird”

༄ؘ ۪۪۫۫ ▹▫◃ ۪۪۫۫༄ؘ hello darling ♡︎

what a beautiful winter night, is it not? i often like to be in touch with nature when i’m writing, helps me keep my mind at center. how have you been, darling? i hope you’ve been better after our little passionate night in bed. you were so cute with how you were eagerly trying to get my lingerie off… it was charming, really. though, putting the promiscuity aside, i just want to really want to send this love letter to you as a token of my thanks. you’re my little songbird, and you inspire me to do better, whether it’s songwriting or performing. so as a token of my gratitude.. i’ve prepared a … special song for you. i hope you like it. anyways… come see me later, i’ll sing it.. specially for you~ i love you, dove, and i wish you a happy new year ♡︎♡︎♡︎

your dearest,

cumulus ghoulette

—

the texture of the next letter was earthy and coarse, but it emitted the soft aroma of fresh pine leaves. it seems that this letter was specially crafted personally for you. just from the scent and touch alone, you smiled to yourself knowing it came from a certain earth ghoul. upon opening it, there was a little sunflower necklace attached to the sand paper letter.

“mountain’s delighted memories”

*:..｡o○ to y/n,

hope you’re doing well, and that this year has been treating you well. i appreciate you approaching me that night… and throwing me into the passions of bed. i gotta say, those faces you made when i came deep inside of you, filling you up with me seed, it still gets me going. just being honest here. the reason i’m bringing this up is well… i want to make more memories like that with you. ones that we can share together, and make ourselves feel like we’re ascending to the heavens we can’t reach. you’re really someone that makes me want to just go all out, and in many ways. which is why my gift to you this year.. is going to be imprinted into your mind for eons to come. so, if you want to find more… stop by soon please, i’ll be waiting. ‘till then, have a good christmas.

from your love,

mountain ghoul

—

this paper was crumpled and slightly torn. it looked like it was made in a rush, but it held a certain charm to it. there were little trinkets and treats attached to the letter, all of which had a cute homemade vibe to it. the faded streaks of purple pen gave away who it belonged to, and you couldn’t be more happy when a certain bug came to mind.

“phantom’s sweet treats”

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ hi y/n!

i missed you :(( and i know that we live in the same ministry, but you’re so busy and i barely get to see you! which is why i dragged you out to ‘look for a christmas tree’ with me. i gotta say, i was nervous… but seeing how you reacted when i pounded you against that tree.. satanas, still sends shivers down my spine. after that night, i just can’t stop thinking about you. the way you reacted to my touch, oh it was so good. i put together some handmade goodies for you, hope you like them. think of it as my way of saying thanks for a good night :) on that note, i’m sure the other letters have talked about meeting in a special place. i’ll be there, and i’ll be sure to give you all of my attention <3

love,

phantom ghoul

—

closing the envelope shut, you grabbed the next one. lipstick marks stained the paper perfectly, imprinting kisses everywhere. looking at the particular shade of red of the lipstick, you instantly thought of a certain keyboardist. there was a soft pink rose attached underneath the slip, and you opened the envelope with ease.

“cirrus’ gratitude”

ﾟ+*:ꔫ:*﹤ evening darling,

i take that christmas has been well for you, huh? it certainly seems like it has been, considering how you were with me during that night in the log cabin ;)) we have to do that more often, sweetheart. you were so cute, with how your face was squished up against the window while i went to town on you… oh, still gets me wet, i can’t lie. it’s one of my favorite memories this season, and for that, i thank you. thanks for being such a delightful and loving partner. you’re honestly a saving grace for me, and you always make me feel good, both in and out of the bedroom. honestly, i’ve never met someone as good in bed as you are. so, as a token of my gratitude, i want you to meet me with the other ghouls tonight. it’ll be fun sweetheart, i promise.

from your dearest,

cirrus ghoulette ❤︎

—

looking at the next letter with intrigue, you were greeted with a faint smell of cologne, the scent of it was soft and reminded you of the beach. laced over the envelope was a red ribbon with seashells and shark tooth carved trinkets at the end. what a gorgeous sight. you opened it, and smiled upon recognizing the stunning calligraphy ingrained on the paper.

“rain’s poem”

｡･ﾟﾟ･ dear y/n,

having a good christmas? you better be, otherwise i’ll make sure you are. but for real though, i’m sure this year has been great for you. i would also like to thank you for.. ‘helping’ me with my own personal gift. you looked so goddamn good tied up in my bed like that. i’ll admit, i got carried away with my words, but i know damn well you were into me treating you like my bitch while i dicked you down on the mattress. though, that made me realize how much you love my honeyed words, so i’ll use this opportunity to praise instead to degrade. y/n, you’re an absolute starlight in my life, a treasure like no other. i’d move the heavens and pits for you. it’s cheesy, but it’s true, and i promise to show you how much i love you in any way i can. come by soon ❦

from your favorite water boy,

rain ghoul

—

the next letter had an ashy and brazened texture, but it shone with a brimstone-like layer to it. the paper was slightly calloused, and there was a fiery flair to it that could only be from one infamous firecracker you knew of. popping off the sloppily made wax seal, you opened it to find an equally burnt letter, but the sight made you smile.

“sodo’s confessions”

∞ ₒ ˚ ° 𐐒 to my y/n,

i’d ask you how you’re doing n’ shit, but i’m not good with words, or greetings nonetheless. so to get things out of the way, i’m going to be as straightforward as possible. y/n, i want to fuck you so badly this christmas right now. that night we shared, in my bedroom, fuck that was so hot. i loved the way you reacted every time i brought the candle wax down on your body. you looked so goddamn sexy covered in all of that… and the memory still makes my dick so hard. call me a pervert or whatever, but i’m proud to be one for you. i can’t help myself when i’m around you. your body, your scent, everything, it drives me fucking insane. don’t tell the other ghouls, but you’re my favorite, and i really can’t figure out why… guess i’m just so drawn to you. at midnight, when you meet the others, i’ll be sure to let them know who can make you feel the best in bed. and that’s not a threat, that’s a fucking promise. but ‘till then, i’ll be waiting for you, sweet thing

i love you,

sodo ghoul

—

the final letter had a reddish stain on it. bringing it closer to your nose, you got a faint whiff of red whine from the stain. the designs on the letter were intricate and creative, but there was a suave and sultry feel to this letter. if there was any infernal who knew how to be smooth, it was a certain multi ghoul with the voice of an angel.

“swiss’ invitation”

❤︎*♡∞:｡.｡ to my love,

welcome, darling~ i know how much you like the smell of wine, so i indulged you a bit in my envelope for you. merry christmas, and thank you for being such a passionate lover. gotta say, bunny, you looked so cute that one night when you were sitting on my cock. the way your rosy cheeks just got more pink every time you looked at me, desperate to stay warm… ooh, that’s what you call hot. good to know that i was able to keep you warm during that snowy night, and i got to get my dick wet too. so it was a win/win situation for the two of us, dear~ but all jokes aside, i had come up with the plan to treat my favorite sibling of sin to some… fun this season. i conspired with all of the other ghouls and ghoulettes to help me, and i’m sure they all mentioned in their letters that they want to meet up with you too. we want to make this holiday special, dear. come on down to the nave of the ministry… you won’t be disappointed. merry christmas, sweetheart~

forever yours,

swiss ghoul

—

folding all the letters neatly and piling them on your desk, you smirked to yourself, and got up from the bed to start walking over to the nave of the church. each step carried your eager body closer to a lustful, passionate and loving location.

whatever your lovers were planning… you knew it was going to be a good one.

eyeing up the tall, church doors, you pushed them open to be met with a glorious sight.

the moonlight streamed through the glass panes windows of the dimly lit nave. candles aligned everywhere with ribbons decorating every corner and crevice. but the best sight of all… were the infamous nameless ghouls themselves.

they were all dressed for the occasion, all dolled up to your liking. the ghoulettes were in matching lingerie, but in different colors. aurora in a rose gold, cumulus in white and cirrus in black. they all huddled together and perked up upon seeing you. you looked to the other side to see another group of ghouls. rain’s expression was neutral, but there was a promiscuous glint in his eyes as the red ribbon twirled between his fingers. sodo’s expression was as hungry as ever, eyeing like a piece of candy while holding onto a candle. phantom looked excited, but jittery, claws digging into his seat, and mountain looked as calm and collected as ever, albeit, not minding the little problem in his pants.

from the center, swiss emerged, and he looked down at you with a wicked, yet lustful grin. his tail flicked about to the side, and you looked up at him with curious eyes, chuckling, his long fingers traced around your jaw and gently clasped around it while craning your head up, making you look at him.

he smiled at you,

and in return you smiled.

“merry christmas, y/n.” he spoke suavely, his words still as honeyed as ever.

he then stepped behind you, gently massaging your shoulders and holding onto you. with a snap of his fingers, the ghouls and ghoulettes giggled and approached closer to you, lust on their minds.

this would certainly be a christmas to remember~

▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄

#holiday hoes event #swiss x reader #sodo x reader #rain x reader #phantom x reader #mountain x reader #cirrus x reader #cumulus x reader #aurora x reader #nameless ghoul smut #the band ghost x reader #the band ghost smut #smutty drabble #christmas prompts #christmas

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prying-pandora666 · 9 months

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Do you ever think about the characters when they’re alone?

You know, the things the narrative pretty clearly communicates but which we never actually see?

Like how many nights Zuko must’ve laid on his cot in his ship and cried, missing his home, his family, his bed, his life… How many times he wrapped himself up in a blanket and pretended it was his mom holding him again. How many times he woke up from a dream where he’s back home and unburned only to wake up on a cold, hard metal ship, uncomfortable and shivering, hearing the groans of strained metal. Alone. You have no Nation. No place you could settle down. Everyone hates you but none more than your own homeland. What if Uncle dies? Or leaves too? What then? What will he do?

Or how many times Katara dreamed that her mother dying was just a nightmare! That it was all a dream and mom is still alive, dad is still home, her childhood didn’t get cut short. How many times Katara must’ve woken up and sat up looking for mom only to find she’s in the middle of nowhere, in a bedroll, surrounded by other kids she feels responsible for. How many times she cried by herself, wishing she had someone to “mom” her the way she does for everyone else. How often did Sokka have nightmares? How often he feared the Fire Nation showing up and killing them all. That he alone would have to stand up and fight them. How many nightmares of being burned alive, failing, and then watching his tribe suffer the same fate because he couldn’t protect them. How often did he cry out for Hakoda quietly, muffling his words into his pillow, wishing for dad to protect him again?

Surely Toph had her share of night terrors. They’d be dark because she doesn’t know sight, but surely there’d be sounds and a sensation of being trapped, locked in, like in a tiny metal cage. The kind where she discovered metalbending. How many times did she cower and flinch at night, dreaming that metalbending really wasn’t possible? That she’d spend the rest of her life trapped, forced to be an isolated, beautiful bobble, seen but not heard, never allowed out of her prison again?

How often did Aang wake up to the sound of Gyatso calling him, only to sit up and realize it was a dream? His people are dead. His entire way of life is dead. It’s never coming back. No, really. It seems too horrible to be true, but it is. They’re all dead. You are all that remains of your culture and you’re only 12. You can’t possibly know enough to preserve it. What are you going to do? You want to ask Gyatso. You can’t. He’s dead. He’s been dead for 100 years. He’s not even close to having been alive. And yet he feels like he was just here…

And then there’s Azula. Whether living in Ozai’s palace and forced to live every day in anxiety - forced to be perfect in every way - because you know that no one in this world loves you. The only thing keeping you from being the new Zuko is your usefulness. You keep father’s favor by performing, no matter how horrible or traumatic the task, hoping it’ll finally be enough to earn his love and you can finally know what it’s like to be cherished and held and wanted the way mom loved Zuko. Or… when she’s in the abusive asylum. Chi blocked so she’s immobile. Stuffed into a straitjacket. Mistreated and unable to defend yourself. You can’t even tell anyone because no one comes to visit until your brother needs something from you. You cry only in the dead of night, muffling your sobs into the mat you sleep on, brushing away your tears with its coarse fibers since you can’t even use your hands to move your bangs out of your eyes. Never show weakness. You know that much.

How often did they all dream of a warm and safe place where they’d be loved and protected? I hope they all got it in the end, LOK be damned. Every last one.

#avatar the last airbender #atla #avatar #Aang #Katara #Sokka #Toph #Zuko #Azula

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victimsofyaoipoll · 9 months

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Round 2

Propaganda Under Cut

Elizabeth Midford

She started as just a cutie fiancée trying her best, turns out she's also a swordfighting genius, very under pressure to perform feminity in the Victorian Rose type of way. Fandom crucifies her bc she's Ciel's fiancée and they want him to be with his butler, Sebastian, the demon he sold his soul to for revenge

anime was a shitty canon divergent adaptation that butchered her character down to her "cutesy silly girly" persona, which obviously made the 2008 anime fans hate her with a passion (nothing wrong w being girly I'm just saying the adaptation made her super one dimensional) anyways fujoshis used to treat her as a villain because she's the fiance of Ciel,, who as u might know already was HEAVILY shipped with his butler, Sebastian back then (now it's kinda looked badly upon, nice tbh that ship sucks ass xD) She's a bit similar to Misa Amane from death note in the way she was treated. (Like an obstacle the yaoi ship must overcome rather than a person)

she's my silly little rabbit! i could gush about her character but i'll keep it short and just say that she's really well written and one of the best characters in the series. anyways she's ciel's fiance and she's like, rightfully annoying as any other 13 yr old girl would be but the fanbase fucking crucified her for even existing. she gets demonized for being 'annoying', but then ciel gets yaoishipped with an even more annoying guy. there is 100% an argument that lizzie/ciel is weird bc they're cousins (i personally don't ship it) but that falls flat when her detractors then ship the 13 yr old ciel with an eons old demon who Canonically looks like his father. the anime also never reached her main character development until years after its peak and that was only in a movie, so she really got the bad end of the stick here. not me though i had a giant crush on her when i was 12

Katara

Katara is constantly mistreated by the fans in favor of the Zukka ship (Zuko × Sokka.) They make her out to be mean, homophobic, and completely out of character just to add drama to the Zukka ship. In reality, Katara is very compassionate, and would never act that way toward anyone.

Zutara was a popular ship but when zukka got popular over covid during the atla renaissance there were a million posts about how zutara was problematic while zukka was perfect usually for racist reasons. Meanwhile katara and sokka are siblings so it didn't even make sense. They did not have to be so illogically rude to her to ship zukka and it was weird

Katara is FANTASTIC I fucking love her to pieces she is so cool and yet the entirety of the ATLA fandom treats her like garbage because she “talks about her mom dying too much” (even though she BARELY does & also was parentified from a young age due to her mother’s death) and, of course, because she’s a more feminine women when compared to her counterparts. Even in the show itself she’s mistreated: she’s ALWAYS shown cooking for the rest of the gaang, doing their laundry, any ‘womanly’ task. She ends up with the guy who kissed her twice without her consent & who she never showed any real attraction to and apparently (despite being a badass warrior-doctor!!!) after the show ended she just… settled down in the South Pole and had a bunch of kids and never did anything else. She didn’t even get a statue :( Anyways during the ATLA renaissance, despite Zutara actually not being canon, people felt that Katara threatened the sanctity of the new almost entirely baseless yaoi ship, Zukka. Unfortunately for them, due to the fact that Katara and Sokka are siblings, the usual anti-Zutara arguments didn’t work as well. So they resorted to just… slaughtering her character. If she was lucky, they’d just make Katara a background character, wingwoman, &or throw her together with her canon love interest. If she was unlucky they’d do anything from make her homophobic (??) to killing her off! Fuck’s sake, she never even got a token spare-the-pairs wlw ship! Sorry for getting so heated, that whole debacle made me FUMING MAD.

#poll #round 2 #black butler #elizabeth midford #avatar the last airbender #atla #katara atla #katara

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xeruthana · 3 months

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Burning Questions

A doll that is always, always asking questions. It was made simply to be a servant. A tool. But its mind, its very core, burns with the need to understand. So, with a starry-eyed look of childish wonder, it asks its witch about *everything*. Its siblings take to calling it Curio, and the name sticks.

Curio went through the early stages of life with its witch fairly simply: it would be assigned a task, it would ask questions about the task, and the task would be completed perfectly within the day. It was slower than its siblings, but it was also more thorough. More precise. Tasks assigned to Curio were finished without error, without fail.

That couldn't last, obviously. There would eventually come a time when Curio had learned all there was to learn about its purpose. There was nothing more for it to master; according to its witch, it knew everything it needed to know. Curio's thirst for knowledge was far from satisfied however.

It began to ask more complicated questions. About magic, its witch, the nature of the world... nothing was beyond the scope of Curio's mind. Its witch didn't like that, not at all. Her favorite tool was becoming... distracted. Unfocused. Worst of all, it was asking questions she didn't have answers for! She was a witch! She was supposed to be seen by her dolls as all knowing! So, after months of constant questioning and prodding, the witch came up with a plan.

Curio awoke one morning feeling groggier than usual, feeling like something was very wrong. It called out to someone... or tried to, anyway. No sound came out. Again, it tried to speak. Nothing. Not even a little squeak. Curio put its hands to its throat to see if anything was amiss, and was shocked to find a large crack that most definitely had not been there before. Had it somehow hurt itself in its sleep? It ran downstairs to try and find one of its siblings, or maybe even its witch. Someone had to be able to help it, surely.

Curio found its oldest sibling first, a combat doll. Its witch's personal bodyguard--when she was awake, that is. With a distraught look, Curio gestured to the large crack on its neck. The combat doll's eyes widened at the sight of the injury. It stepped closer to inspect the wound, and was silent for a long time before speaking. "Curio, this wound... how did you get it? It doesn't look self-inflicted. Did one of its siblings do this to it?" Curio shook its head sadly and shrugged, a way of saying that it had no idea what happened. The combat doll reached its hand toward the crack... and a spark of white hot magic flew out and shocked it. Both dolls looked at one another in disbelief. Magic could only mean one entity was responsible for what had happened--their witch. She had taken Curio's voice.

A week passed by quietly. Curio performed its expected duties in silence, a sullen look on its face. It avoided its witch like the plague the entire time; the only reason she knew Curio was still working was because its tasks were still being finished. The witch knew Curio was aware of what she had done; in fact, she took a sick satisfaction from it. She had finally managed to get some peace and quiet, after all. No more intrusive questions, and best of all, no more questions she couldn't answer.

Then came the next day. The witch awoke as usual: as close to the afternoon as possible. On her vanity, she found a handwritten letter. It was sealed with wax in an envelope, with the sigil of her house imprinted. On the back was simply written, "Miss." She tore open the letter to find it written in small, dainty handwriting.

----------------------

Dearest Miss,

By the time you read this letter, this one will be long gone. Not dead, although it may as well be to you. It knows what you did. It has been with you long enough to recognize the stink of your magics anywhere. You cursed it, took its voice away. It couldn't talk to its siblings anymore. Couldn't sing. Couldn't ask questions to others. It thinks you wanted it to stop asking questions entirely, but even your magics can't take that away. It simply started asking different questions, to itself. Why? Why would its witch, its *maker*, do something so needlessly cruel to one it claims to love? Did you ever really love it? Or did you just love what this one did for you? It will never know the answers to these questions; quite frankly, it doesn't care anymore. You know what this one finds funny? The things it did, the questions it asked... it was all for you, miss. All of it. It just wanted to learn with you. Learn from you. It never mattered to this one if you didn't know the answers; it was excited to find out together. To see the world together. It supposes you didn't feel the same way. This one was only ever a tool to you, and nothing more. Do you remember the things you taught this one about doll making? You can build a doll from scratch, from nothing, to your exact specifications. You can make it physically perfect for its purpose. But the magic that brings life is... unpredictable. You can't choose a personality for a doll. Once it is brought to life, you must simply accept it for what it is. Those are the exact words you said to this one long ago. ...You're such a fucking hypocrite, miss. This one... hates you. It wanted to destroy you. To tear you asunder and dispel your magics until there was no trace left of you. But it could never do that to its siblings, to the ones who still love you. So it had to leave. There are new questions in its head now. What's next? What could even *be* next, for a doll without a witch? A doll with no purpose is hardly a doll at all. But it doesn't care about these feelings. Anything is better than here, after all. Maybe it will find a new miss. Someone who will love this one for what it is. No matter what may happen, this one looks forward to the next chapter of its life; because you won't be a part of it. Farewell and good riddance.

No Longer Yours, Curio

P.S. Could you please tell its siblings it says goodbye, and that it is sorry for leaving them? It would've told them itself, but... you know.

#dolls #empty spaces #writing #xeruthana #witches

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rene-is-an-insomniac · 5 months

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"Your Mother and Mine."

Yandere Lyney

Harbinger! Lyney x gn!Reader HC

Most Harbinger content I see is borderline Yandere, so what if Lyney's Fatui Agents chose you to be his spouse. The children need a mother so that their Father wont be alone

The reader is called Mother, but doesnt use female pronouns. Reader is gn!

Tag for my Lyney stories is here

Tavvatales DNI (Ik you dislike Yandere content)

"Oh, a gift for me?" The kids all nod at the same time. One approaches Lyney and pushes the box in his direction.

Lynette and Freminet, who sit opposite him, exchange puzzled glances before returning their attention to the box.

They didn't get him anything for Christmas?

Curious, he opened the box, only to discover that it contains something much more precious to him,than equipment for his performances.

You, dressed in scarlet clothing, resembling one people whom he and his siblings performed with. Your hair is nicely down, and your fearful countenance is disguised as eagerness for him.

"This is wonderful, where did you get this one from?" He spoke as if this was typical, which wasn't entirely wrong.

Fontaine is well-known for its human trafficking, which occurs under the nose of Monseiur Neuvillette.

"A visitor."

"From Sumeru."

Their voices blended together, expressing their excitement. Lyney clapped loudly enough to get their attention back.

"Quiet down, one at a time." They go towards him, getting into position. They kneel and stare up at him.

"They are a Fontaine Visitor, from Sumeru."

They are a architect, sent here on a commission." Before proceeding, one speaks out, looking him in the eyes.

"Their art is definitely something you'd admire. Aunty Lynette, I recall she liked lovely clothes, right?"

"Not only are they an architect, but also a designer. Lynette's ears perked up slightly before returning to her drink.

He walks forward, inspecting your appearance from front to back before approaching you from behind.

"That is correct. Can you show us some of your designs?" He takes a step back into your line of sight, removing the rope that was bound you.

One of the agents that grabbed you walks forward and hands back your sketchbook. Looking up, you notice their blank expressions as they wait for you to act. One agent raised their hand to their scythe and gave a short warning.

You flip through the pages randomly, some personal paintings being revealed as some agents mumble in admiration.

You hand the designs to the blonde while pushing the sketchbook forward. He smiles briefly before taking it from you. He looks over it and the ones on the page after it before returning it.

"Thank you, these truly are wonderful." The agents breathe a sigh of relief.

"What's your name?" His head tilts as he looks at you with interest.

"(name)." As he approaches, his expression brightens. "Your height, the outfit you adorn, the color of your eyes, how beautiful." He hands you a bouquet of rainbow flowers that he summoned from thin air.

Your stare at the bouquet, perplexed. He simply hands it to you to take. You suppose it's merely a token of remorse for the problems his subordinates caused. When you take the bow, your hands get stuck on a thorn. You flinch, as Lyney frowns as he whips the blood from your thumb.

"Are you okay, darling?" The colors surrounding you alter as you raise your head to meet his gaze. As you take a step back, you are surrounded by blocks of items.

The block advances another step. "Are you okay?" As you panic, it hovers above you. As the others rush to check on you, you scream.

"Are you alright?"

"Why are you panicking?"

As sleep overtook you, a lovely aroma touched your nostrils.

"Good night, darling."

welp this was kinda of a brainrot. I usually don't write Yandere content, but i had a small idea.

@estensity @endlessmari @mellowwillowy @yuumaofc

#yandere lyney hc #lyney x reader #harbinger lyney hcs #genshin lyney #yandere #i might make this a series?#rene genshin fics #lyney x you #yandere lyney #yes this is a gn reader #adventures with a magician boy from a quiet villiage

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that-ari-blogger · 3 months

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Who exactly is this about? (I'm Not That Girl)

When you are finding someone to play Elphaba in a production of Wicked, you need someone with range. Not just vocal range, but acting skill. Because they need to be able to perform with the stage presence and anger inherent in Defying Gravity, but they also need to be able to reach the devastating low that is I'm Not That Girl.

To me, I'm Not That Girl is at the core of what Wicked is, and what musicals are in general. It is a combination of singing and acting, and is someone excelling at both.

But, I would like to drive home the queer reading of this story, and try to explain why I think that reading adds to the message and power of the musical.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD (Wicked)

I don't think I need to explain why this song hits so unbelievably hard. It's about unrequited love, and its a strength of the satire that is this musical.

Usually in musicals and fairy tales, the love story is fairly uncomplicated, with an extra option thrown in but not really given much depth and the audience doesn't really buy the drama.

Seriously, how many of you shipped Belle and Gastone?

So, this is a song about that love not working out, not because of plot reasons, but because its entirely one sided at this point. To Elphaba's knowledge, and probably the audience's as well, Fiyero loves Galinda, and there's nothing she can do about it.

"Don't wish, don't start Wishing only wounds the heart I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl There's a girl I know He loves her so I'm not that girl"

This is the other side of love, heartbreak.

Elphaba is a relatively rational character. She has been through the ringer and has ended up detached and restricted in her emotions. Now, someone has pushed through her barriers and she doesn't know what to do about it.

This song seems to me like Elphaba wrestling with love as a whole. Don't feel, don't try. It'll hurt too much, it's not worth the pain. So why can't she stop thinking about it?

The term "rose and thorn" sent me down a spiral.

Both Florists' Transworld Delivery and Bloom and Wild gave a ton of meanings for roses that boiled down to "it's romantic."

Pearls meanwhile have a ton of meanings depending on the culture. The blog My Pearl proposed these, most of which did not have anything to do with love at all. According to My Pearl, pearls are commonly associated with purity, innocence, and wisdom. So, not particularly romantic. However, My Pearl did say this:

"[White Pearls] are often seen as symbols of new beginnings and are often used as gifts for special occasions such as weddings and anniversaries."

So, this is a symbol of a happy ending, and Elphaba is essentially saying that she doesn't deserve that because of her birth. In essence, she is convinced that her difference makes her unworthy of happiness, which... if you think this about yourself, please don't. I don't know who you are, but you are worthy of love.

"Every so often we long to steal To the land of what-might-have-been But that doesn't soften the ache we feel When reality sets back in"

My main point for this series on Wicked as a whole has been that it is about dreams and reality colliding, and this verse fits with that. It's Elphaba letting herself imagine and fantasise about a stolen moment with Fiyero. Once again, at this point she has no idea that Fiyero likes her back, so this is purely theoretical.

I have been using the free sheet music from this website for my analysis, and I would like to stress before I continue that I am far from an expert on the actual theory of music here. I can point to which bits go up and down, and can name a few chords, but I can't tell you about the intricate workings of that.

With that said, allow me to attempt some music theory.

The time signature of this song is all over the place, split between 4/4 and 6/8. In other words, sometimes the bars finish earlier, and so the thoughts within continue, pulling you along as you wait for the conclusion.

In this song, the two signatures differentiate that splitting of reality and dreams. For example, the verse below is in 6/8 time:

As Elphaba imagines, she breaks from reality and the verse is really flowy, almost comforting within the song. But then it ceases the second she comes back to reality.

This keeps happening. Elphaba starts in reality, then drifts into dreams and comes crashing back down.

This time, however, the reality of the verse is about Galinda, the barrier between Elphaba and happiness, the wall she stands in her way. Although, it's a little bit odd to talk about a romantic rival in the way that Elphaba does, isn't it?

"Blithe smile, lithe limb She who's winsome, she wins him Gold hair with a gentle curl"

Let's talk about Dolly Parton.

I genuinely had a whole section trying to argue that this song is the Jolene of musical theatre, but then multiple people mentioned it to me in person by that term, and @a-fast-rebloger referred to it as such here on tumblr. So clearly I'm preaching to the converted here.

So instead, I'm going to explain what that means.

First up, the queer coding of Jolene is barely less than explicit, its essentially the one Romeo and Juliet speech that everyone remembers. "Romeo, romeo, am I in love with you?"

But, the song actually has a history with the queer community, with this article by Nadine Hubbs detailing its implications. The song also has covers and rewrites that bring that subtext to the forefront by Nadine Hubbs, Rainaeiry, Annapantsu (@annapantsu), Jessica Rica, and Dolly Parton herself (Although I have not been able to find footage of this), as well as arguably the versions by Lil Nas X and Caleb Hyles.

Rainaeiry has two covers of Jolene on her youtube channel, by the way, and a cover of I'm Not That Girl that I highly recommend.

Jolene is a song about unrequited love and being unable to do anything about it, and the song focuses on the woman who forms the barrier to this love. It is a song about defeat.

"Your beauty is beyond compare With flaming locks of auburn hair Ivory skin and eyes of emerald green Your smile is like a breath of spring Your voice is soft like summer rain And I cannot compete with you Jolene"

Compare that with this:

"Blithe smile, lithe limb She who's winsome, she wins him Gold hair with a gentle curl That's the girl he chose And Heaven knows I'm not that girl"

This is more than just thematic parallels, this is subject overlap, and remember when I mentioned the dreams vs reality theme being expressed by the time signature? Well take a look at the time signature for that verse.

The verse switches halfway through, as Elphaba begins describing her friend, and that dreaminess comes back as she discusses Galinda, but then dissipates when she remembers where she stands.

This is a love song by Elphaba, about Galinda. It's about how Elphaba isn't deserving, how she isn't pretty, how she isn't chosen. And who does she associate with those traits, but Galinda.

And here is where my reading comes in, finally. I read both of these witches as either biromantic or bisexual, probably both. Galinda for reasons I will get to in a later post, but Elphaba because of this song.

This song to me, is a true love triangle. Elphaba is desperately in love with both Fiyero and Galinda, but she can't reconcile those feelings, and she can see that they both seem to make each other happy, and she doesn't want to break that for either of them. This is a song about defeat.

I keep separating the line "I'm not that girl" from the rest of the verses, and I've been doing that for a reason. The line gets separated by the music as a melodic outlier.

Every part of the song rises and falls. I'm not sure what this is technically called musically, but it's like a ramp or a ski jump. The notes lower slowly, then raise sharply and drop off even more so, as seen above. This matches the song as a whole, which rises and falls in the same way. But consider the following:

This is the only line in the entire song that only descends. It is a line of resignation, as the reality weighs down on our protagonist. Once again, this is a song about someone who does not feel like she deserves love from either Fiyero or Galinda, because of how she was born.

And I will say this again: If you feel like Elphaba here, that you are undeserving of affection, then you are wrong. Everyone is worthy of love, even you.

Final Thoughts

The correct term for this song is "heart wrenching".

While it isn't my favourite in the musical, you will just have to wait and see for that, it is definitely up there, and is one of the few numbers in all of musical theatre that I would classify as a perfect song.

Also, I would not be able to forgive myself if I wrote this post and didn't mention that Steffan Hughes' rendition of I'm Not That Girl is genuinely the most emotionally resonant video on YouTube and it needs more attention than it has.

Next week, I will be looking at One Short Day, so stick around if that interests you.

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genericpuff · 5 months

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That panel of Demeter floating away with the green streaks following her kind of looks like an attempt to "clap back" at your "add the glow back to LO" edits from awhile back, NGL. It's like her going "See? I can still do them! Shut up, haters!" but she still did them in such a half-assed way that they still look bad. IDK how she could forget the methods and implementation of her own ideas over the years, but here we are.

LMAOO there are a few recent panels tbh that def feel like her 'attempts' to bring back old LO art but if anything it just goes to show how far her style has fallen because even when she tries to make it look like she put in the same effort as S1 LO it just... doesn't u.u

Different but related, it reminds me of this panel:

Like, it screams "see! old LO!" but like many of Rachel's attempts to address criticism, it feels like it misses the mark entirely of the point people are making (and yet also proves that Rachel's not putting any effort into the comic anymore because that sketch is better than anything that's been in the entirety of S3, it's such a Catch 22 situation she's gotten herself into with this LMAO).

S1 had sketched panels like these because they were literally concept sketches she simply reused in the comic.

(literally the actual scene of Artemis proving her skills to Zeus was in the pilot version of the comic but never included in the originals for some reason).

The panel above is more intentionally drawn to look like a sketch just to pay lip service to that old stylization and so it feels so disingenuous (and yet , again, it's still drawn better than all the usual panels we get!) and like a bad attempt to draw people in with false promises of "the art is getting better!" when it isn't, it's just one isolated semi-decent panel out of a sea of shit ones LOL

It's like when someone tries to "prove" they've changed by doing one little thing that they've been neglecting/falling through on, but then immediately backpedal into old habits because that attempt at change wasn't really genuine, it was performative. You can't just do one thing and say "see, I've changed!" because that's just not how it works, you won't know until positive change has truly sunk in until after the fact when you can look back on it and go "wait, it's been a while since things have been that bad, I can't believe I used to be like that!" and that can only happen through regular and repetitive efforts, not single 'big' ones to 'prove' to others you've changed. LO is very much in its bargaining "fine, I did the thing and proven myself, reward me now!" stage of self-improvement IMO.

#lore olympus critical #lo critical #anti lore olympus #ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything

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wonwoosthetic · 1 year

Note

omg i absolutely loved the new minnie and wonwoo chapter 😔 are you planning on posting a part 2 soon? I CANT WAIT AHHHH

No Words Should Be Left Unsaid || Minnie🌷

minnie masterlist

PART ONE

warnings – a bit of angst, one quick mention of the word ‘sex’

word count – 11k

A/N: Took longer than I would've wanted, but here it finally is and I'm happy to admit, that I've definitely gotten my inspiration back ˙ᵕ˙ I hope I didn't disappoint with this chapter and that you all enjoy it ˙ᵕ˙

italics are spoken in english

The following day already started like hell. Minnie woke up with a pounding head, a scratchy throat, and burning eyes - all aftereffects from crying herself to sleep. It was a wonder she even got to fall asleep, but the exhaustion from the fight must've taken over her body.

The fight.

The screaming.

It all flashed back into the girl's mind as she sat up on the bed, cradling her face in her hands, running her fingers through her hair, and trying to loosen some of its knots.

"I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF RIGHT NOW, MINNIE!"

"You've never given me reasons to not trust you before."

"I hope they send him to jail."

Wonwoo's hurtful words he shouted to her face only mere hours ago sliced through her heart like a hot knife. She couldn't exactly remember everything she had thrown at his head, but she knew they hadn't been any better.

What still echoed through her mind though was the exact scene that had her crumbling down.

"So what? You suddenly don't trust me anymore? You think I just did this... for- f- for I don't know... fun?"

"Looks like I should've questioned that a lot earlier."

The one thing she looked for in a relationship. The one thing she was always to come back to whenever she started losing herself. Trust. Loyalty. Never had she ever had to question either characteristic when it comes to Wonwoo. She thought he felt the same. But last night, he proved to her that she was in the wrong. He didn't trust her anymore. No matter what she would've done the night before, his words were already out in the world, they had already reached her ears and made her entire world fall and break into millions of pieces she so desperately wanted to hold together.

No matter how hard she wanted to cry about it again, how much her body was urging her to scream the pain out loud in hopes of saving her, nothing came out. There was nothing left in her. Not even a single teardrop could escape her eyes. She was empty.

Due to the blackout curtains, S.Coups had gotten for his room, there was no light seeping into the room, only adding to the depressing episode Minnie could feel herself falling into. Not again. Please, God, don't let me go through this again, she prayed. The darkness brought her back to the place she had been only two years ago. She couldn't let herself go back there. No, not like this.

Hastily, the girl shrugged the blanket off her body and rushed out of the room, opening the door to be met with the light walls and bright interior of the dorm her members shared. The familiar soft voices and gentle laughs rang through her ears, almost making her smile, only if there wasn't this heavyweight still pressing on her heart, not letting any emotion escape. Fuck, it was happening...

Just as Minnie was about to turn to enter the living space, Joshua's silhouette rounded the corner, stopping when he saw her form, frozen in the hallway.

"Oh, hey," he softly spoke to her. "You're awake."

Minnie nodded before realising she should probably also open her mouth. "Yeah," her voice was only a whisper, scared she would hurt her body or somebody else if she dared to speak any louder. The older member sent her a loving smile, nodding to where he had just come from,

"Come on. You should eat something." Waiting for the girl to follow him before he made his way back into the kitchen.

Did the female performer have an appetite? Absolutely not. Did she know she would have to put food into her body otherwise the others would start to worry once again? 100% yes. So there she was, walking into the kitchen, hot on Joshua's tracks, her arms crossed in front of her chest as she entered the shared room when all eyes fell on her. She met the comforting gazes of Seungcheol and, to her surprise, also Jeonghan and Seungkwan who must've joined them earlier in the day - if only she knew what the exact time was.

"Hey," she greeted them with a somewhat smile and a wave into the room, sitting down on one of the empty chairs by the table that Jeonghan pushed out for her.

"Hey," he smiled at her, "H-... how are you feeling?" The nervousness and uncertainty were clear in his voice - the members knew not to drown her in too many questions, remembering and respecting her sensitivity from the previous encounters they had with Minnie in a state like that.

The girl shrugged her shoulders, honestly not knowing what an honest answer to the question would be. Was she fine? Definitely not. Did she feel bad? Maybe a little. Was she miserable? ...Yes...

Before Jeonghan could continue a small talk, the leader beat him to it as he stood up and turned around to the cupboards.

"Is cereal fine?" He questioned her, to which she raised her head and nodded softly, followed by a quiet,

"Sure."

Seungcheol was just happy that she agreed to eat something.

As soon as she had joined the others in the kitchen, everyone could feel the tension spreading. The elephant was clear in the room with them, and she hated it. No one wanted to say what they were thinking, each one of them on edge in one way or another for the girl in the group. Joshua had left the four as he got ready in his own room. Jeonghan's hand was resting on the back of her chair, Cheol was preparing her bowl, cereal and milk, and Seungkwan was sitting in front of her, munching on his breakfast in silence - until it got too much for him.

"Wonwoo's an idiot." He suddenly blurted out, gaining the attention of the room.

"Seungkwan-" Cheol warned him in the strict voice all of them had gotten so accustomed to.

"What?" He shrugged, "It's the truth."

The leader brought the bowl to her, setting it down on the table. Minnie looked up at him,

"You told him?" He wasn't sure whether she was genuinely just curious or disappointed in the fact the other members now knew about the couple of the group having had the biggest fight they ever had. Coups sat back down in the chair next to the '98 Liner.

"Jeonghan asked why you were sleeping here, he saw you in my room, and when I explained it to him, Seungkwan came in. He overheard it," he explained.

She nodded as she held onto the spoon, moving it around in the bowl, suddenly at a complete loss of appetite. There was no way the food would make it down her throat. Suddenly, Minnie felt the soft hand of the '95 Liner next to her on her head as it brushed down the length of her hair.

"It's gonna be fine, princess." Using the name she had gained early on in their career. But all she could do was shake her head.

The female member got up to walk over to the fridge, her hand reaching out to grab a bottle of water, in the same moment, knocks from the front door echoed through the apartment.

"Got it!" Shua shouted before he opened the door, letting in whoever was behind it.

Minnie got back to her seat, now much more hydrated. Finally, her body would have enough fluid to create the tears again she so desperately wanted to let out. Jeonghan noticed the shaky deep breaths she took, still stirring her cereal, trying to suppress the sadness daring to seep out of her.

Joshua and another familiar voice got closer and closer. With one look to her left, she found the other member she shared a dorm with - Mingyu.

"Morning," he smiled into the room, only to change his facial expression once he noticed the still very tense aura in the room. "Hey," he nodded towards the girl, who sent him a nod. The concerned look in his eyes didn't go unnoticed by the second oldest who discreetly raised his hand with a nod to assure him that she was very well taken care of, even though he already knew that. Whenever she was with the members, didn't matter with whom specifically, she was in good hands.

"What do you need?" Cheol wondered why he had come to their dorm earlier than usual.

Mingyu raised his hands in synch. His right one held onto the female's phone while his left carried a bag.

"You left this," looking at the dancer that was avoiding his eyes, he went ahead to place the phone in front of her, but before the device could touch the top of the table, she stopped him with her hand on his.

"I don't need it." She cleared her throat after noticing how scratchy her voice still was.

"You don't have to look at it, just have it by you-" he tried to reason with her, but she just pushed his hand further away.

"Keep it. I don't want it," Minnie looked up, the tears making her eyes glisten in the light coming from the window, "Please." She quietly begged him.

Her fellow '97 Liner nodded understandingly, not wanting to bring any more emotions up if they were able to keep her like this, he wasn't about to provoke her for no reason. He put her phone into his back pocket silently, nudging his head to the bag in his other hand.

"And... I brought you some things. I didn't know when you'd want to be back, so..." Mingyu wasn't sure how he wanted to finish the comment, so he decided to just not. His statement brought another wash of emotions over Minnie's body as she felt her eyes reacting and blinking rapidly, trying to push the tears back down as she kept her head low. Great... so the fight seemed as serious as she had perceived it as. Even Mingyu thought I wouldn't want to go back into their dorm... what have I done... her own voice kept repeating words in her head. Words she didn't want to hear.

The older '97 Liner took another look at her, getting nods from the other members, before retrieving back to the couch, taking the bag with him and sitting down on the side not occupied by Joshua, who was more focused on the little screen in his hand. While the four at the dining table sat in silence, eyes on the girl, Mingyu got a hold of the remote and turned on the TV on the wall. The screen lit up to show the news. Only that it was the wrong news for the current situation.

"-years probation as well as serving community service along with-" the voice of the female reporter filled the room, making all the heads turn to the living room, where they got a quick glimpse of no other than the man that was part of the reason for the fight that Minnie was still recovering from. Her gaze was fixed on the picture of Hanbin the report showed before it quickly switched to an action scene of a drama as Mingyu hastily changed the channel. He turned to the group on the table, fear in his eyes, as he was faced with the concerned look of Jeonghan, the disturbed glance on Seungkwan's face just screaming 'what the fuck is wrong with you, idiot' at him, and the warning frown forming on the leader's face.

"Sorry..." he softly apologised, immediately directing his attention to the girl, who kept a straight watch on the television, her eyes not letting them know what she was feeling because they looked empty. But that's exactly what she felt like. Empty. She was quick to lower her head again, afraid of what was to come next.

Cheol fixed his gaze on the spoon in her hand that wasn't stirring anymore, but was still tight in her grip - tighter than before. Her hair was covering the sides of her face that were getting redder as she tried to hold back the first sob of the day as hard as she possibly could, but everyone could see her shaking shoulders. Everyone's eyes were focused on her, Jeonghan had raised his hand softly, ready to brush over her back once the damn broke.

The unstable breath surprised the guys. "Good to know." Hadn't the room fallen so quiet, her whisper would've gone unnoticed.

Before anyone could register what had happened, a loud sob escaped Minnie's lips as she pushed the bowl of cereal to the side and stood up, wanting nothing more than to leave the room and cry by herself, embarrassed by her outburst. The members were quick up on their feet, not even a second after she had gotten up, ready to go after her. The girl tried wiping away the tears that were suddenly falling uncontrollably, so she didn't notice the big stature of Mingyu, who was faster than the others and blocked her way into the hallway. She ran into him, stumbling back slightly before just coming to a halt, leaning her forehead against his chest. He didn't hesitate to raise his arms, wrapping them around her upper body, pulling her closer, making her hide her entire face in his shirt.

Mingyu let his cheek rest on her head, his right hand brushing the back of her hair, as he tried to shush her with his low voice.

"It's okay, Minnie-ya. It's okay."

She couldn't even bring herself to hug him back. All she was, was a limp body in his arms. Shaking and crying, needing to scream out into the world.

Her fellow '97 Liner could feel her mumblings something against his torso.

"What was that?" He wondered gently, giving the other guys a hand sign, letting them know he got her.

Minnie switched to lean her cheek against his chest, letting her speak more clearly. "He'll never forgive me." Followed by another crying round as she didn't even try to hold back the rush of emotions this time. Mingyu shut his eyes tightly, hating the feeling of having a weeping girl in his arms, knowing there was rarely anything he could do to make her feel better, other than just be there. He felt useless. His arms tightened around her, hoping it would do something, help her somehow. He just wanted her to stop crying. Make the pain stop. He started feeling tears welling up in his own eyes, knowing that two of his closest friends were hurting.

He came back into the hallway, shutting the door to S.Coups' room as quietly as he possibly could. His footsteps were soft against the hardwood floor, despite his muscular figure, as he walked back into the shared living space, where the members were now split up with Joshua and Seungkwan on the couch, while Seungcheol and Jeonghan were still at the dining table, all the dishes now gone. Even though it was an hour after Minnie had broken down in Mingyu's arms, the room was still just as tense as before.

"Did you get her to fall asleep?" The leader of the group wondered, making the tallest member sigh.

"Barely." He threw himself back onto the couch with a groan, his hand brushing over his face in frustration. Seungkwan patted his shoulder, trying to assure him of whatever he needed at the moment. You did well, he wanted to tell him, you're doing what you can.

"This is not good," Cheol stated, shaking his head, "This might be worse than I thought."

"It's not good?" The youngest in the room jumped up, "It's bad! It's really bad!"

"Seungkwan!" Jeonghan tried to shush him, but the '98 Liner didn't listen.

"Do you know how worried I am right now?! We haven't seen her like this for years, and all you're saying is 'this is not good'?!"

The leader copied his stand, "Well what do you want me to do?! I'm thinking, okay?! I'm trying to find something to help her, but I don't know what to do!"

"Guys!" The second oldest got up, holding out his hand to make both of the members shut their mouths, "Be quiet, for God's sake!"

S.Coups went back to sitting down, but Seungkwan stayed in his position, now nervously fumbling with his fingers.

"I-I'm sorry, hyung," he slightly stuttered. "I'm just really frustrated right now."

The '95 Liner nodded, "We all are." Then sighed out loud. "God... I knew this was gonna happen." All eyes turned towards him.

"What?" The youngest questioned him.

"I mean, it was bound to happen. They had to have their first fight, being so close all the time, I just didn't expect it to be... like that." The members nodded in agreement.

Seungkwan sat back down, letting out a chunk of air. "You know, for the fact that Hanbin isn't even in her life anymore, he sure makes her cry a lot."

"Well, but he still is. Kinda," Joshua spoke up, gaining the attention of the room. "Not physically, but she's still attached to him... in a way."

"Can you blame her?" Cheol asked him. "Their breakup was... not really normal. And definitely not natural. Who knows how long they would've stayed together if that scandal never happened."

"God, please don't start with that," Mingyu groaned, making the guys look at him in confusion, "I had to listen to that too much last night."

"What do you mean?" Jeonghan wondered.

The rapper got up to enter the kitchen, explaining himself on the way. "Minnie said that to Wonwoo last night, that she still cared about him because they didn't part in bad ways, but because they were kinda forced to. And then Wonwoo went on, on what if that never would've happened if they had still gotten together at some point, and obviously, she said how would she know that, because she can't, which is true. And... Wonwoo... didn't take that too well. So please," he came back into the living room, faced with stunned gazes, "Let's not wonder about that. What happened happened, and now Minnie and Wonwoo are together. And that's it."

The room fell silent for a good five seconds, the guys letting Mingyu's words sink in. He had to listen to every single word that came out of the couple's mouth, and he was probably remembering them better than the people involved since he hadn't been filled with anger in the heat of the moment. There were so many questions the members had for him, they wanted to know more. More details. More anything. But they also knew that it wouldn't be right to question him about that all too much.

Jeonghan was the first to break the stillness. "How is he?" Everyone knew who he was talking about.

"Hopefully miserable," Seungcheol sitting across from him, leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed in front of his chest as he scoffed.

"Coups..." his fellow '95 Liner spoke out his name with a slight warning tone.

"What?" The leader locked eyes with him, "You've seen the state she's in and you just heard what he asked her. I don't even want to know what other things he said to her. Do you really want him to just upstairs and not regret anything from last night?! I hope he's fucking sad, I hope he's in even more misery than her. But I know he probably isn't..." mumbling the last part.

With a deep breath, Jeonghan looked back at the other rapper, "Mingyu?" Who exchanged a quick glance with him before shrugging,

"I'm not sure, to be honest. He didn't talk to me last night, and I didn't hear him go to bed. Today I only passed his room and saw him sitting in front of the computer. But that's it."

"Did you even try talking to him?" The leader threw at him, making Mingyu roll his eyes.

"Of course. But nothing came back."

Cheol scoffed, eyeing Jeonghan again, "See! He doesn't even know what he did wrong."

"I don't know about that," the '97 Liner interrupted him.

"What?" The two oldest looked at him in confusion.

"I'm pretty sure he cried during their fight. I don't for sure, but it definitely sounded like it."

Seungkwan looked at him, his mouth slightly open. "But Wonwoo-hyung never cries."

"Exactly," Mingyu nodded, "But yesterday..."

"See." Jeonghan copied S.Coups' expression from before, showing him that both of them were somewhat right about the story. "You're just suddenly furious with him because he's quiet? As if that's surprising all of a sudden."

"I'm furious because he's not even trying to make it better."

Joshua spoke up, "Well... we don't know that. Maybe he's currently thinking about what to do as well."

Cheol scoffed as he stood up, "Is anyone here on my side?"

"There are no sides to be on, Coups!" Jeonghan tried to explain, "Both of them probably said things they regret now. We're not taking any sides, we're in the middle, and we have to figure out what we're gonna do now."

"They have to talk." Mingyu simply stated. "They have to talk like normal people, not scream at each other, because I can understand both sides, and I'm sure they can too, but they have to talk about it. Calmly."

Shua shook his head, "Not today, though. I don't even think we're gonna get her out of this apartment any time soon."

"She's supposed to be with Woozi tomorrow," S.Coups got up from his seat and started to roam the room. "But I don't know if she's still up for that. Then after that, we have practice for the live shows."

"The day after tomorrow?" Seungkwan asked, getting a nod from the leader in response.

"They're gonna talk," Jeonghan assured everyone in the room - or at least tried to. "They can't go longer than two days... right?"

Mingyu shrugged, "I wouldn't be surprised if they did, to be honest," making any bit of guarantee in the room evaporate.

Minnie slept for another good three hours on their free day. During that time, Jeonghan, Seungkwan, and Mingyu went back to their designated rooms after their group conversation had come to an end. They decided to not let the other guys know until the day they all had to be in the practice room together, in the hopes of the couple making up before that. It was a small spark of hope, but at least they had some. The other '97 Liner promised to try and talk to Wonwoo again, otherwise their leader would... and he wouldn't go easy on him - Jeonghan literally had to hold him back so he wouldn't sprint out of the door and ran upstairs, not afraid to let a fist or two fly. Yes, Wonwoo was his member and he loved him very dearly, but Minnie was his sister and he had promised her, his parents and her mother, to take care of her, and right now, it felt like he was failing.

After a two-hour-long phone call with his father, which his mother also quickly joined for a bit, he gained back the confidence he needed, not as a leader, but as a friend in the situation. That's who they needed. Not an annoying leader, but a trustworthy friend.

Joshua and Cheol made sure Minnie ate something after waking up, not pressuring her to talk any more than necessary and not watching her as if she was a fragile little newborn, but still keeping a protective eye on her throughout the day. The only movements she really did were from the bedroom to the kitchen, to the living room for a bit before disappearing into the bedroom again. She went to the bathroom to freshen up as well as possible but didn't even dare to think about going back to her place where she was being missed more than she could imagine.

The next day came quicker than the female performer would've wanted and after spending another night in Seungcheol's room, filled with some much-needed late-night deep-talk, she got herself together, ready for a day at the studio with her favourite producer. If there was one thing that could get her mood up, it was letting all of her frustration out on paper, writing lyrics and poems and whatever would come to mind before discussing each line with Woozi. She understood the other members' concern about her falling yet into another deep hole, and she, just as much as them, didn't want that. And she somewhat had the energy to fight against it.

Was she ready to face her boyfriend again? Probably not, but she also wasn't sure about how much longer she could endure the tension between the two.

The night before she almost reached for her phone to text him sorry and beg for his forgiveness, but the guys had reminded her that both parties were somewhat in the wrong and that she was in no position to give in.

'Take your time, think about it. You had a fight, that's normal. But you should still talk about everything. Don't hide what you truly think.'

'If he truly loves you, which he does, he loves all of you. Every single bit of you.'

The leader had offered to drive her, but she declined, already having called the manager, who had to visit their label's building anyway. After making sure she had everything she needed in her bag, a smaller one that Mingyu brought her, not expecting her to come upstairs to get it for herself, she exited the apartment and went down into the garage, greeting her manager with a small smile.

They fell into a somewhat comfortable small talk conversation after Minnie found more comfort in lying about how the past days had been for her. She wasn't gonna mention the fight. This was something between her and Wonwoo - she already felt bad enough that she dragged so many other members into it.

They left the car together and entered the building, their ways parting after the elevator opened for the first time, her manager exiting the small room before she went up a few more floors, already knowing the way to the producer's studio by heart.

She walked through the modern hallways, eyeing the floor the entire time, and stopping at the right door. Minnie knew to knock before entering even though there was a big chance Woozi would be wearing his headphones, not hearing a single thing, but much to her surprise, she got a muffled,

'Come in!' in return.

After opening the door, she came to sight with the producer she was expecting, as well as Bumzu standing in the room, hands in his pockets. They seemed to have been in a conversation, which ended as soon as Minnie had come in.

"Hey," she gave both men a soft smile, her hands clutching the strap of her bag on her shoulder tightly.

The older producer copied her facial expression, just much more brightly, greeting her with a wide grin.

"How are you?" Bumzu opened his left arm, inviting her for a hug she definitely needed, even though he didn't know about that. She gladly accepted it, wrapping both of her arms around the side of his torso, giving him not the usual squeeze she normally would.

"Alright," the girl mumbled before sitting down on the couch on the wall behind them, "You?"

Bumzu nodded, "All good. Was just on my out," he turned back to Woozi, discussing a few last things about their next session, then switched to Minnie, giving her a quick wave. "See ya, Min." Before seeing himself out.

A wave of silence washed over the room as the female propped her feet up on the small table in front of the sofa, getting her notebook and pen, laptop and phone out of her bag. Jihoon's eyes didn't leave her form, trying to read and see through her unusually slow movements. He let it slide, blaming his slight fatigue.

"So," he turned back around to the mixing table, "What you got for me?"

Minnie cleared her throat, "Ehm," and started flipping through her notebook, trying to find the loose piece of paper she was thinking of. "I still have this," she leaned forward as he turned to her, taking the napkin out of her hand. He chuckled with a shake of his head. Even after years of writing, this girl sometimes still used whatever was closest to her to write down what was going on in her head. Woozi remembered the time she ran over to him, showing him her arm that was covered in lyrics, around four years ago - she never changed.

"That was supposed to be for Crush, but I didn't like it in the end," she quietly explained, sitting back down comfortably on the couch.

He let her be by herself, alone with her thoughts for a few more minutes. It wasn't unusual that both of the members would work in silence next to each other. But never right from the beginning. Jihoon was used to hearing her talk about what she had seen on her way to the studio or about events from that morning, or even the evening before. Minnie would move around the room, walking back and forth as she dramatised whatever story she was telling him or even when she was just thinking. Having her sitting quietly in his studio didn't seem as natural.

"What's up?" He broke the quietness, making her hum.

"Not much," she mumbled once again. Her head was still down on her notebook, switching over to the laptop she had turned on.

Woozi turned his chair to look directly at you, "I didn't mean in general. I meant what's up with you."

Minnie looked up slowly, her eyes moving up first, followed by her head, her lips tightly pressed together as she shook her head. "Nothing."

With a sigh, he put the piece of paper back on the coffee table, sliding it over to the girl. "Then I don't want this until you tell me what's bothering you."

The '97 Liner scoffed and snatched the napkin back into her grip, throwing it onto the cushion next to her. "Then don't, Jesus Christ, your loss."

The producer raised his eyebrows, yep, something was definitely not okay with her. "Minnie, if you're gonna be like that, you can walk out and go back to the dorms, I don't need you in a bad mood here." He leaned back more comfortably, crossing his arms. "So either you tell me what's going on or you leave."

Minnie sighed in clear annoyance, "Can't I just sit here in silence and write?-"

"Not if you're gonna snap at me like that."

The girl shut her mouth, looking dead in the eyes of the '96 Liner before throwing her head back, realising there was no way out of the situation. Three days ago she was excited about spending some time with him in the studio, with no pressure of creating their next album, but just chilling and killing time, comfortably exchanging lyrics and recording demos for possible future songs. Now, she was sitting there, almost regretting her decision of coming, wanting nothing more than to just hide herself in the comfort of a bed again.

She brushed some hair behind her ear, glancing at him one more time, finding him still looking at her, waiting for an explanation.

"Wonwoo and I had a fight."

Jihoon's mouth opened and nodded 'There it is.'

"And I'm guessing it didn't end well?"

Minnie brought her legs ups, hugging her knees tightly to her body, shaking her head, already feeling her lips quivering again, only annoying her even more. She took a deep breath, hoping to contain some of the sadness.

"I haven't been to the apartment in two days."

Woozi was clearly taken aback by that statement. "Jesus..." he exclaimed, "What happened?"

"Just... stupid shit." He let her take her time, waiting patiently as she explained the events of that evening to him. She started with the moment in the practice room, all to the screaming that began in the kitchen, and the final shouting match they had in the living room, all until she left to stay in the 8th-floor dorm. Minnie surprised herself as she got through the story without crying, her body clearly dried out from all the tears she had shed throughout the past few days.

Woozi wanted to curse out loud, wanted to throw the most vile words into the room, but he knew it wouldn't make anything better and that it would in fact be the last thing the girl in front of him needed, so he did his best to stay calm. He looked around the room, forcing himself not to shake his head. "Wh-... Guys..."

"I know..." The dancer hid her face behind her knees.

"What are you gonna do?"

He only got a shrug in response.

"You have to talk to him, Minnie."

The girl shook her head.

"Minn-"

"He said, he didn't trust me anymore!" She exclaimed.

"That was in the heat of the moment, I'm sure he didn't mean it."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that..."

Woozi sighed, "Don't say that." But she didn't answer. Another few seconds passed in which they didn't share any words before the producer got out of the question that had been bothering him ever since she finished her story. "Why do you still care so much about him?"

"Hanbin?"

Woozi nodded.

Minnie rolled her eyes. "Why is it a crime to care about people?!"

"Hey," he stopped her, "I didn't say you're not allowed to, I asked you normally and genuinely want to know." His explanation made the girl feel bad about the outburst she almost had. He was just trying to be a good friend and here she was throwing accusations at him... similar to what she and Wonwoo had done to each other.

"I..." she started but stopped. If only the answer was easy as she wanted it to be. "W-... We were forced to break up. Neither one of us truly wanted it... but it happened... because of him... and because of what happened to him. And back then, I was so scared of what was going to happen and I... I still was because... we didn't end things on bad terms, you know?" Minnie looked up, finding the caring eyes immediately gazing at her, a gentle smile decorating Jihoon's face. "Of course, I was devastated, but... he had to do it and I understand why he did it, and I'm very thankful that he did it..." She took a deep, slightly shaky, breath, "He cared so much for me back then that he broke up with me to protect me... so w- why shouldn't I now care for him? We're friends?..." Making it sound more like a question as she wasn't even sure about the statement herself.

"Are you though?" Woozi suddenly threw into the room.

She glared at him, eyebrows scrunched, "What?"

"Are you and Hanbin really friends?" She waited for him to continue, "When was the last time he texted you, or talked to you or... I don't know, had some kind of interaction with you?"

Minnie shrugged, "H-He... hasn't. Not ever since back then."

"Then that's not a friend, Minnie," he stated but before she could interfere, he continued, "I understand why you wanted to be there for him, even if it was just through Bobby, asking how he was and stuff, I truly get that. But... I'm sorry, but... you have to let him go. He broke up with you for a reason. He didn't want you involved in his shit in any way. He cared enough about you to let you go... so you should do the same."

"B-But how?" Minnie whispered, suddenly the tears in her eyes as visible as ever before when Jihoon looked at her, dragging his chair a little closer to her. "How c-can I just... let him go," she sniffled, "If I don't even know if he's okay?"

"You just have to learn how to not care too much anymore," he got up to join her on the couch, placing a comforting hand on her knee as he let his head rest on the back of the sofa, looking up at the ceiling. "Do you still love him?- And before you give me the same answer like you gave Wonwoo, think about it." He quickly added, letting the girl know, that he was there to help and understand her. He wasn't blaming her.

Minnie shook her head, sniffling once again. "No." She assured Woozi, and herself, "Not like I did before. I love him... like... a friend would, but that's it. I promise." She moved her head to look at him. Jihoon saw her from the corner of his eye, turning his head to lock eyes with her.

"I know, you don't have to defend yourself in front of me. I'm not the one who needs to hear that. But... like I said... you're not friends with him anymore. I know it hurts. And I'm sorry. But it's the truth."

The female member nodded, finally letting the tears escape from her eyes, letting her head fall onto the man's shoulder.

"You lose people all throughout your life, Minnie. He was there, he made you happy, but you have someone new who loves you more than you could ever imagine," his arm had found its way around her shoulder. "Imagine how you would've reacted if the roles were reversed. You don't think you would've been jealous if Wonwoo was still caring so much about his ex?"

"But he never lost an ex like that."

"That's true," he nodded, "I understand that, but even if he did. Imagine him ignoring you, putting you second, just because he was so focused on making sure his ex was doing alright."

Minnie moved her head in understanding. She didn't even think about that.

"You both are jealous people in one way or another, and that's healthy to an extent. It just shows that you care about each other," he lifted her head from his shoulder, making her have to look into his eyes. "He cares so much about you, that's why he reacted that way. He just wanted to know that you feel the same way. Everyone needs that assurance every now and then."

The girl nodded, "I get that."

He patted her arm one more time before getting up again and sitting back down on his beloved chair. "Just remember who you wrote To You about. Or Crush. It better not have been about Hanbin, or it's coming off the album right now."

She couldn't help but let the giggle tumble from her lips, "No," she sniffled one last time, "Not, it wasn't about Hanbin."

"Good," he grinned, "Then it can stay."

Before he could turn back around the mixing table, her voice stopped him.

"Do you think he ever asked Bobby or any of the other guys how I was doing?" She know she shouldn't wonder about that, but that was the very last thing she needed closure on.

Woozi took a deep breath, "I'm sure he did at the beginning. You don't just suddenly not care about a person, especially if you've been together for as long as you guys were. But I also hope that he has gotten over it and that he's happy. Just like you should." Sending her a strict eye, making her nod.

"I know..."

Before leaving the studio later that night, she had to promise the '96 Liner that she would at least go back to her own apartment. She didn't have to go back to their lives and pretend like nothing had happened, but she should try to get back to what was once their normality. The couple still had to talk about what had happened, both of them still carried some kind of baggage with them and she swore to Woozi that she would, at some point in the very near future, confront Wonwoo about it.

What she didn't know about was the confrontation her boyfriend had with the two Chinese members over Facetime, who noticed very quickly that something was going on with the rapper, immediately squeezing out every answer they wanted from him. Just like Minnie, he opened up and shared the entire story with the two, letting them in on his feelings, which he rarely ever did. He needed guidance. He needed advice. And yet, he could not get himself to face one of the members in real life and ask them for that favour - it seemed so much easier over the phone.

The '96 Liner would still need some time to get himself together enough to confront her so openly, but he wanted to, God... he really wanted to.

Wonwoo was in the living room, close to dozing off, clearly bored by what was playing on the TV, while Mingyu was already asleep in his room - it was 2AM after all. The sound of the door unlocking made the rapper perk up, trying to listen to who had entered their apartment, desperately hoping it was who he expected it to be. He concentrated on the light footsteps, listening to the person settling the bag, softly smiling once he knew for sure it was who he hoped for.

The steps got closer and closer, once they walked through the hallway, they stopped at the entrance to the living room. Wonwoo whipped his head to the side, finding Minnie frozen in place, surprised by the fact that it was him and not her fellow '97 Liner she would've expected to sit on the sofa.

"Hey," the rapper spoke first, breathing heavier than he would've liked to admit.

"Hi," the girl tried to force a smile, but it rarely showed.

Wonwoo gulped, sitting up straighter. "You're back."

"I... am," she looked around the room nervously. God, why was this more awkward than a first date. It shouldn't be like that. Both of them hated it. Minnie didn't notice when he was about to open his mouth, ready to talk to her, unknowingly interrupting him, "I-" he raised his eyebrows expectantly at her. "I'm... I'm gonna to bed. I'm... tired."

Okay... it looked like she wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

He nodded, "Yeah, yeah," he whispered. "I... I'll take the couch." Minnie gazed at him, her mouth slightly agape. She didn't expect that.

Okay... he wasn't ready to even be in the same room with her... that hurt.

She nodded, "Yeah... okay." Without wasting another second in the uncomfortable stillness, she turned to walk towards their usually shared bedroom, when his voice made her turn back to him.

"Minnie?"

"Yeah?" Her voice was filled with hope and desperation. Hope that he might change his mind and join her like he normally would. Desperate to feel his touch again.

His eyes found hers. But he couldn't read her. He was so scared to say the wrong thing yet again, so it would just be better to not say anything at all - or at least that's what his head told him.

"Good night."

Minnie sighed. There goes the hope. "Good night." She nodded, leaving him alone in the living room, where the only light was coming from the small lamp on the end table in the corner. Only a few days ago, Wonwoo could've sworn that that girl in front of him was brighter than any light he had ever seen. Her smile could light up an entire city. But right now... she looked duller than the deepness of an ocean.

Once she had reached their room and closed the door, throwing herself to lean back at it, she took a deep breath. She repeated Woozi's words in her head, trying to calm her racing thoughts and pumping heart.

'Give him time. Give yourself some time. You both need it.'

Just some time. She silently prayed for that 'some time' to be over soon.

The following started quietly, the three dormmates didn't share many words in the morning, deciding on sharing breakfast in silence after Mingyu exclaimed how happy he was to have the girl back in the apartment.

In the car on the way to the practice room, each one of them entertained themselves with their phones, some with their headphones in. Mingyu hated the clear tension and tried to loosen it up by talking to their manager in the driver's seat, directing questions to Wonwoo and Minnie every now and then, hoping the older man didn't notice it all too much.

Once they arrived in the practice room, each went their own way, Wonwoo sat down on the floor, his back against the wall, Mingyu talked to the choreographer that had become a good friend of the group and Minnie lowered her body to the floor to start stretching, getting ready for the practice-choreography for their upcoming live shows where they'd be performing 'Rock With You' without Jun and Minghao.

She felt a presence next to her, and looking up into the mirror in front of her revealed Seungkwan who rounded her sitting form and crouched down in front of her.

"And?"

"And what?" Minnie switched to stretch her other side.

"Did you two talk?" The '98 Liner wondered, sipping on the coffee he had brought along.

The girl sighed, "Does it look like we've talked?"

"Jeez..." he shook his head and stood back up, "Make-up quicker, you're no fun in this mood." As he brushed past her again, she smacked his calf, getting a surprised exclaim from him before he dared to fake kick her, walking back to Vernon, who had been eyeing them in confusion.

The other members left her to be by herself, but she could feel their eyes on her, especially the '95 Liners' and Woozi's - Seungkwan seemed to leave her alone.

The woman with the camera entering the room alarmed Mingyu who confirmed his worry. He rushed over to the girl, leaning down behind her, surprising her at the sudden closeness as he mumbled into her ear.

"They're filming for Inside today, don't forget that." She looked back at the door, where the woman was getting the camera ready and let a sigh out.

"Oh, fuck, I forgot..."

The rapper patted her back, "Just act. You're good at acting," smiling at her through the mirror as he leaned back to nudge him, making him chuckle before his facial expression slightly shifted.

"Why didn't you guys talk last night?" Minnie looked at him with raised eyebrows. He continued, "I heard you come in, but you two spoke really quietly and since you almost didn't even look at each other this morning, I'm just guessing."

The girl crossed her legs, deciding that she had finished her stretching session for the day. She shook her head and fixed her hair,

"He didn't even want to be in the same room as me, how was I supposed to talk to him?"

"What? What makes you think that?" Remembering hearing the conversation he overheard as he passed Wonwoo's room, where Jun assured him that he should make the first move and apologise and Minghao letting him know that Minnie was most definitely just as miserable as he was. Why he hadn't followed their advice was a mystery to him.

The girl leaned back against his chest as his arms rested over her shoulders. "I told him I'd go to bed, and he just said he'll take the couch. He didn't even try and follow me. He wanted to be away from me..."

"Minnie..." he sighed, "I think you understood him wrong-"

"No, he could've at least tried, and he didn't even try to stay in the same room. He doesn't want to talk, so I'm not gonna try and make him."

Her fellow '97 Liner nodded softly. "Alright..." and stood back up, patting her shoulders before walking away from her. Minnie raised her head to look at herself in the mirror when she felt another pair of eyes on her. Her gaze drifted to the right where she found her boyfriend staring at her reflection, the phone in his hands long forgotten. She was about to force a smile when she saw Mingyu getting closer to him, taking a seat right next to his best friend. With a deep huff of breath, she pushed herself to stand up and walk further away from the duo.

The practice was in full swing, the group taking small breaks after each part they had finished performing in front of the mirror.

"Alright, for the time being," the choreographer explained, "We agreed on Minnie being lifted up, so let's try that." It would be the first time they tried that move.

The group got into their positions, with the girl on her way to the far left where five of the members were waiting for her.

"Be careful," she heard him whisper as she passed Wonwoo, looking back, she gave him a quick nod.

She stopped once she had reached Dino and Joshua, who each held one arm open, welcoming her and ready to steady her back once she'd get lifted up. Carefully, she took a step forward, just about to step on their feet as the choreographer let her know exactly just how she should do it. On three Dino, Joshua, Mingyu, and Jeonghan all together lifted her up, making her chuckle at the feeling while she steadied herself with a hand on the '97 Liner's strong shoulder

"You're so light!" The youngest commented, making the two oldest exchange knowing glances, but they didn't comment any further. "Even lighter than Myungho," Dino added, making the girl chuckle nervously.

"You okay with doing that move, Minnie?" Youngjoon asked her, getting a quick nod in response as she straightened the front of her pants. "Good, and just don't forget to extend your arm forward."

The members fell to the floor, panting, desperately trying to catch more breath than physically possible after practice had officially ended. Minnie was laying on the floor, eyes closed, with her hands on her ribs, trying to execute the breathing exercises her pilates teacher had taught her.

Suddenly, the light was blocked by something and after opening her eyes again, the figure of her boyfriend revealed itself, holding out a bottle of water down at her. She eyed him for a second before he pushed it closer to her, "Take it."

The girl sat herself up and took the bottle out of his grasp, giving him a small, "Thank you," in response, along with a nod before he disappeared again. She opened it to take a quick sip, turning her head to the side to find Woozi and Seungcheol already looking at her. Both of the leaders grinned at her, to which she just rolled her eyes and got up from the floor to get ready to leave.

The female performer wasn't even able to get her jacket off once they got back home when her phone started ringing. With one quick look, Minnie saw 'Mum' lighting up the screen, making her sigh softly. Their conversation started normal: the mother asking her daughter about what work was like, with her asking the same in return, but it only took a few minutes before the older woman changed the subject.

"Why didn't you tell me that Wonwoo and you had a fight?" Her mum's voice rang through her ears from the other side of the phone.

"What?" Minnie wondered, "How do you know about that?"

"Seungcheol called me. You know, he was very worried about you. He got really scared," she explained. As much as the girl appreciated the worry leader showed for her, she couldn't help the slight annoyance of him talking to every living being about her misery - yes, it was her mother, but still... but she reminded herself that it was out of love, just like the woman had told her.

"It- I don't know... I hoped to clear it up myself, I guess." Minnie's fingers brushed through her hair as she leaned back against the chair at the dining table, her feet up and knees close to her body. "I messed up, now I have to fix it-"

"I don't know, Seungcheol said something else."

"Cheol is just annoyed. And I know he cares for me, so... yeah. But I really wasn't in the right either. Trust me, I did my part in the fight as well."

"Well, there's always two parties involved."

"Exactly."

She heard her mother sigh, "I just hope you don't take it too hard on yourself. Like I said, you two were part of it, so it takes two to make up for it again. Don't think that you have to fix whatever is going on between you two on your own. Work together, as a team."

"I know, I know... I'll try. Last night, he didn't really want to talk to me... I hope it'll be different soon," Minnie explained, finding a loose thread on her sock to pull on.

"And, you know, there's always make-up sex.“

"Mum!" The girl groaned in embarrassment.

"Oh, please," the woman exclaimed, "You're an adult now, let me talk to you like one!"

"Alright, alright," she chuckled, thankful for the person on the other side of the world, suddenly missing her even more than she usually does.

"Men would never say no to that. You just have to know how to initiate it."

Minnie laughed, "Okay, yeah, thanks. But... we should probably also talk about what happened, it's not something that... will be taken care of quickly, I think."

"You know him better than I do, and I'm sure you know what to do, so I trust you. And just know, it's not only you that did something wrong, so don't blame yourself too much."

The female member was about to respond when Wonwoo came into the room, passing the dining table to walk into the kitchen.

"Alright, maman, je dois y aller," (trans.: mum, I gotta go) she quickly switched to French, knowing her boyfriend could easily understand any English she'd speak now.

"Oh, Il est là?" (trans.: Is he here?") Minnie hummed to let her know she was right, and continued humming, as well as giving her a series of 'okay, okay' as they ended their call.

She placed her phone down, letting a quiet sigh out as she put her feet back onto the floor and leaned forward to rest her elbows on top of the table.

"Your mum?" Wonwoo suddenly broke the silence, making Minnie's ears and head perk up, surprised by the sudden conversation he was trying to start.

She nodded, "Yeah..."

The rapper continued chopping up the vegetables for whatever he had planned to make. "How is she?"

"Good," the girl took a deep breath, "They found a new place to open their next restaurant."

"Oh... cool," they both nodded in silence as they could feel the tension and awkwardness growing again.

With his back to the walkthrough leading to the living room, Wonwoo didn't notice Mingyu who was about to come in, but stopped abruptly when he noticed the couple in the room, and quickly walked back, ignoring the silent pleads from Minnie not to leave them alone.

Another minute went by, neither one of them saying a thing. The sound of the knife hitting the board was the only reason the room wasn't completely quiet.

"Min-"

"Listen-"

They both started at the same time and stopped in synch as they noticed the other one wanted to start.

"Sorry," Wonwoo was quick to apologise, putting the knife down, leaning back against the counter as he motioned towards the girl. "You go first."

"No," she hastily exclaimed, "No, you go. You were first."

He took a deep breath, looking down at the floor before locking eyes with his girlfriend. "I'm sorry. Last night... I-... I didn't..." he sighed in annoyance. Annoyed at himself that he couldn't find the right words. "I wanted to talk to you, but... you said you were tired and wanted to go to bed, so I thought you didn't want to talk."

"I wanted you to join me...," Minnie shyly explained, finding her nails to pick at.

Wonwoo nodded, "I was too blind to see that."

She cleared her throat, "I thought you didn't want to talk because you said you'd sleep on the couch-"

"I did that because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

A light switch turned on in the girl's head. That's why...

"But," he started again, "I... I'm sorry about the other day... I- ugh... I don't know."

Minnie's eyes never left his form while he drifted all around the room, mostly focusing on the floor. She looked at her destroyed nails, quickly brushing off the nervosity and speaking up.

"I-I'm sorry too... but... I mean... I'm sorry for what I said... to you," she looked up and was thankful to find his gaze on her. "I shouldn't have said some of those things... but... I'm- I'm not sorry for caring about him." Her voice was soft and quiet, scared of the reaction she might get, knowing he would probably disagree with her. To her surprise, Wonwoo nodded.

"I can't help it."

"But why?" He wondered gently, "Why do you still care about him so much? Am I not enough for you?"

"Wha- no, no no no," she quickly stopped him, "That has nothing to do with you." Minnie took a quick breath, reminding herself of what Woozi had told her, and to not repeat the exact words she had thrown at her boyfriend a few days ago. "He cared enough about me to end things," she could see Wonwoo's body tensing up, "So... I guess, it just feels right that I should also still care about him."

"But after two years, Minnie? Two years."

"I know," the girl whispered, hiding her face behind her hands, "God, I know... I'm sorry."

"What do I have to do?" He questioned, getting a confused look in return. "What do you need me to do, so you can finally keep him in the past."

"I-I don't know... I'm trying... I promise..." she stuttered, her breaths feeling heavier with each second.

Wonwoo crossed his arms in front of his chest, taking a quick glance into the living room. "You know I'd do anything for you. And I mean... anything."

Great, he just had to say something that would get Minnie's emotions to come back up again. His words reached her ears, sending a gentle chill down her spine, making her heart speed up just a bit. She hadn't lost him.

"I know," he almost overheard her shaky whisper as she brought her hands up to her face once again

"Then just tell me, and I'll do it. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like I don't care enough about you, that he was the better boyfriend or whatever. Just tell me, and I'll prove to you-"

"No, God, please, it's not that-"

"Then, what is it?"

"I don't know!" She revealed her now red face and glassy eyes, taking him back to the night he wished never had happened. If he could take back the way he confronted her, he would. And here he finally had the chance to make everything right again.

Wonwoo rushed over to the weeping girl on the chair, "Hey, hey, don't cry," getting down on his knees right in front of her, "Please don't cry, jagi." He raised his hand to brush over the side of her head, pressing it down to make her lean into his body.

"I'm so sorry," she cried into his shoulder, "I love you, I promise-"

"Shh, I know," he comforted her, his hands on her body, pulling her close, "It's okay-"

She raised her head, "No, it's not okay-," she sniffled, "I love you, Wonwoo. I only love you."

"I know, it's okay, I shouldn't have questioned that."

"I don't love him anymore, I swear," Minnie steadied herself on his shoulders, "I-I don't, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that. But I promise."

His fingers grazed over her forehead and left eyebrow, down the side of her face, down to her jaw and chin.

"I know, babe. It's okay. I'm so sorry for not believing you."

"I'm sorry that I still care about him, I-I know I shouldn't, but... I can't help it-"

"No, I...," he sighed, "I understand it, I just... I got jealous... and I took it out on you, I'm sorry."

With a pained facial expression, Minnie let her head rest back on his shoulder, leaving the chair and letting herself fall into his arms, wrapping hers around his shoulders. His hands rubbed up and down her back, as he hid his face in her neck, breathing in the familiar scent of her perfume and shampoo he had so desperately been missing. Wonwoo could still feel her slightly shaking against his body, hoping his hug was comforting her. If he only knew how much it was helping Minnie, but that it was also the reason why she couldn't hold back her tears. The girl had been almost convinced of the fact that she was going to lose him and lose a part of her along with him.

"I'm sorry for making you feel like you couldn't trust me," she mumbled against his clothes, making him shake his head immediately.

"Don't say that. I've never not trusted you." His hands cradled her face to make her look at him again. "I promise." Her fingers wrapped around his wrists as she leaned her forehead against his.

"I can't lose you," she quietly admitted, the pain still clear in her voice.

The '96 Liner leaned back slightly to lift his head and place a loving kiss against her forehead, making sure to stay in that position for a few seconds before doing the same to her left cheek.

"You're not gonna lose me," he whispered back, his thumbs brushing over her cheeks. "I couldn't live with myself if I ever let go of the best thing that ever happened to me."

The girl sent him a sad smile, her eyes still glassy and her cheeks stained red.

"If I ever make you cry again, slap me, okay? I don't want to ever be the reason that you feel like this." His first sentence made Minnie chuckle, before she hugged him tightly again, needing to make up for the lost days when she couldn't hold him like this.

"I'm so sorry," she told him one last time as his hand found its way underneath her shirt, placing his palm on the naked skin of her back.

Another kiss was placed on the side of her head, "I'm sorry too." He let a few seconds pass, just enjoying the warmth of their bodies together before he spoke up again. "He's not going to jail, by the way."

She relieved him of the hug, leaning back while his hands stayed on her back, "I know. But I don't care," and shook her head, "I shouldn't care."

His right pointer finger came up to move away some of the hairs that had stuck to her forehead, "No, it's okay to care. Just shows that you have too big of a heart."

Minnie grinned, locking eyes with her boyfriend once again, relieved to feel no suspense and no awkward tension between them anymore.

"I love you," she let the words roll off her tongue easily, just like she normally would.

It didn't matter that it was probably the 400th time Wonwoo had heard the words, he'd never get enough of it, and them coming from her would never not make him smile.

"I love you too." Not hesitating to lean in and finally get the kiss both of them have been craving for for the past few days. To finally feel his lips move against hers again, let Minnie feel the ecstasy rushing through her body, making her only smile even more.

A few seconds later, they separated again, gazing into each other's eyes, still engulfed in their arms.

"You know what's in a week?" Wonwoo grinned up at her.

"Hm?" She tilted her head gently to the side as she let her fingers run along the side of his face, admiring his beauty like she sometimes did whenever they shared a bed.

"One year." Then it hit her.

She gasped softly, "Oh my God... already?" Wonwoo nodded happily, making her copy his expression. "One year together... what would you rate it, Sir Jeon?" Making him chuckle as he pretended to think about it for a second before continuing to smile at her.

"Could use a few more years." To which the girl couldn't hide her smile as well. "What do you say?" He wondered, making her nod.

"I agree. A few a lot more years, I'd say."

"That sounds about right," he grinned, leaning back into her to feel the softness of her lips on his again.

Almost one year. And many more to come, Minnie prayed silently as she let herself give into the kiss, drowning in the love flowing through their bodies.

Mimiwon👀👀

Taglist: @shrynkk @chaebb @lunarxsun @hoe4wonwoo @kimhyejin3108 @soobzao @billboard-singer @cosmicwintr @zwiehe ( @alixnsuperstxr ) @angie-x3 @smooore @allthings-fandoms

How are we after the comeback? Everyone still here? Currently posting this in a trance from the mv🥹

#minnie #minnie 🌷#seventeen oc #seventeen 14th member #kpop #added member #female member #seventeen #minnie x wonwoo

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