#do it all alone; and i guess a self-esteem connection in feeling like people would / do like me but also no one would dhfggfgj

[hanako-san]

Hi my lovely 😘 Please tell me everything you love about Hanako!!! Don't leave out any details!

Hi sweetie!😘💞 I got a similar question, but also didn't include some information in it, but if you want to read it's here ->💚

I would love to add more details and not omit them but unfortunately I can't because Hanako's past is not revealed in its entirety, there are only fragments which is frustrating so I will write what I didn't write in this question and when the time comes I will do a sufficiently long post without omitting details.

My brightest and most beautiful moon

I love you my moon

time to start answering the question,haha

From what is revealed Hanako was beaten, it seems like it was at school. He always isolated himself from the others in the class, he didn't go to school from what Tsuchigomori said. Same as me. I wasn't beaten, but I was mentally abused and ridiculed in elementary school. I isolated myself for the rest of school, barely making friends, it was hard for me, quiet, closed off, slowly starting to open up, doing things my way, protecting the people I love, doing everything for them… when someone blamed me I also apologized even if it wasn't entirely my fault or if someone hurt me I didn't do anything, like Hanako..I don't like talking about myself…Tsuchigomori wanted to get information from Hanako, as I didn't tell what was going on at school either, it was hard to get anything out of me. It did or it didn't. He will endure this pain alone,Self hate, low self esteem all this connects me to Hanako. I have the personality of Hanako.I have changed what I believe needs to be changed.I can understand so much.I know exactly how he feels, why he does it and why he behaves the way he does. I guess I can say that Hanako is my mirror image(despite the differences in several features)This made me love him, but the more I read, the more I discovered his other features and my love grow up,grow up… he is fascinating, wonderful!!

I am self-confident,don't hate myself and don't allow myself to be questioned or manipulated into apologizing when it's not my fault,I am more open. For Hanako, I wants too and I want him not to let himself be treated like a punching bag for Nene too.And finally he shouted at her that what she was doing was hurting him and he would not apologize to her for her mistakes but for his own instead of taking all the blame.

I wants to protect him from Nene, Teru and all evil because this boy didn't deserve it! He's suffered enough already!

Once Hanako decides to do something, he won't back down. This is one of the many qualities I admire him for. When he promises, he wants to see what he has to do despite the odds.

Hanako is not typical shounen MC like Naruto, Luffy or Goku. He is a very smart boy. He knows that if he does something wrong he will do it depending on the situation, but he knows what he's doing whether it's right or not.He can admit when he's wrong.

Hanako always tries to be nice when he's annoyed with someone. Like e.g. here.

What I admire about him is that he is kind to Kou, even though Hanako counted him twice, I guess (I don't remember how many times) and failed him. And when he's really annoyed with him in this scene, he's still nice, but he's going to tell him the honest truth. I admire,really very admire!

Something started to change in him and it was shown that he wanted to stay together with Kou and Nene, they reached his heart, became important to him while still he's in darkness. These two became important to him.Yes, bravo my moon bravo!

I really love how happy he is and expresses it! It's wonderful to see that he's having a good time, that he has some happiness after death

My most beautiful moon's perfect

#jibaku shounen hanako kun #toilet bound hanako kun #hanako kun #yugi amane #amane yugi #angrypaperearthquake #my answers

[kingofthewilderwest]

do you think sofia richie is pretty?

XD I had to look up the name. This couldn't be further out of the sort of stuff I usually look into! So, daughter of Lionel Richie (know that name) and a model and the like.

She is very beautiful. She is especially beautiful in I guess what I might call a more mainstream way. I want to be clear I mean the compliment 100%.

But there's a difference between me seeing someone and genuinely believing they're beautiful, and me seeing someone and finding that type of beauty alluring to me. I don't find appeal in mainstream beauty and pass it by without second glance. It doesn't resonate with me.

Same thing with the Hollywood idea of men's good looks. Utterly uninteresting. Chris Hemsworth shirtless scenes? My emotions feel about as neutral as looking at a printer.

In a somewhat related topic, when it comes to photoshopped images of 'attractive people', they're not appealing to me because they don't look real. They don't have pores. Their body shapes aren't real. Everything has been erased. It's... boring. It's not ugly or something, it's just boring, uninteresting, unpersonable, and monotonous. I'm not going to be attracted to or want to look like something that's so fake and inhuman.

I'm not saying this to be in vogue with tumblr call-outs to the beauty industry and beauty standards, though I also have tons I'd call out. Literally my whole life, I have not given two farts about mainstream beauty and have not found it visually appealing or desirable.

I understand that many people chase after this beauty or that people spend a good portion of their teen and young adult years feeling terrible about themselves because they don't match those beauty standards. I understand it's everywhere and damages a TON of people. My heart goes out to you so bad and sends you love. If I were navigating this world alone, I wouldn't be able to understand why anyone would want to connect with those images, because I'm THAT far-distanced from any appeal to it, but I want to spend the time acknowledging I know others suffer from this, and I care about how you feel. Self-esteem issues are hard. </3 I hope you can work through emotional struggles and find self-acceptance and a sense of confidence in yourself. You're fantastic.

I definitely have things that HELLA attract me visually, but it ain't the sort of stuff found on the fashion runway or the tv screen.

This answer rambled, it went all over the place, but then again, since you asked something that I don't tend to get in the ask box, I hope you don't mind I chattered away. ;) Was refreshing to talk over something new. Have a good one, and take care.

#long post #hopefully all the words in here came out okay #blabbing Haddock #non-dragons #ask #ask me #anonymous #I know there's always a chance of something being the latest viral question but it's more fun to just talk and not worry about that chance

[missingn000]

before i begin lemme preface this ask with the fact that this may be one of my favourite chapters yet

after multiple failed instances of trying to convey that he’s on nobara’s side… finally, higuruma manages to get the message through. crystal clear. and of course it’d be through his actions, because that’s nobara’s primary mode of communication too. i mentioned in my previous analysis that while nanami’s the father figure nobara wants, higuruma’s the one she needs - and that’s because they understand each other best. subconsciously at first, but higuruma’s finally hit with that revelation in this chapter lol

I didn’t want to see myself in you, so I tried not to look.

god i love this line. in retrospect, i think higuruma’s initial refusal to (fully) acknowledge their similarities might’ve been the direct cause for their indirect friction. it resulted in nobara feeling like she wasn’t seen, even though most of everything she does is for that purpose. in this one parent-teacher conference alone higuruma has managed to establish three crucial facts: firstly, that he’s genuinely proud of nobara and unafraid to admit it; secondly, that he’s there not to control her actions, but to provide guidance (= respecting her self-agency, which we’ve already established is important to her); and thirdly, possibly the most important of all, that he has her back, as all parents should. she’s not alone in her beliefs, in her sense of justice, because he feels just the same way.

…and so it only makes sense that she would be the one to judge him, that she would be the one to deem him worthy of a second chance. even though she didn’t explicitly forgive him for murdering the sheriff, he still stuck with her - and i think nobara’s slowly starting to realise that he’s here to stay, no matter how often they butt heads

anyway. intriguing that higuruma would want to be a clockmaker, given the chance. nanami’s CT is partially time-based… i see what u did there

“There’s something about him that’s almost like my dad.”

But Nobara’s father abandoned her, or something close to it.

haha very funny. this doesn’t bode well at all. um. yeah

you gotta love how higuruma went from listening to getou rant about killing someone slowly to actually doing it himself lmfao. i’m curious what nobara’s reaction will be though - previously, higuruma was able to conceal the fact he’d killed the sheriff for her, but there’s no denying the connection in this one. that’s going to be a fun conversation to have. i guess both she and yuuta are in the same boat then huh

SPEAKING OF WHOM!! oh my god i’m so proud of him. he essentially told nobara to be herself, which, coming from him, is pretty damn direct; not to mention he hinges his self-worth on agreeing with people, not contradicting them, so this is a big step for him. unfortunately some of this progress is immediately undone when he loses control of rika, landing us back at square one. or… square[d] five (i’m hilarious, i know) because maki says this in ch25:

“Rika is your excuse for allowing yourself to be isolated from others, to spare them from your presence. If they can’t get close in the first place, then you don’t even have to try!”

…which he has once more resorted to doing. it might seem like a total regression at first glance, but i like to think there’s a slight difference. instead of isolating himself wholly out of self-deprecation (where he assumes his presence is intolerable and unwanted, something to “spare” people from), he’s now doing so out of a genuine desire to protect his friends. the worthlessness part comes after, when—

“Suguru is the only person to ever stand against her. He’s the only person who ever tried.”

—trying only led to more people getting hurt, so i’m sure that’ll do wonders for yuuta’s self-esteem.

finally, about getou:

he goes from “It’s not about what he would’ve wanted. It’s about what’s right” to “Would that make you happy?”, which is so interesting to me. getou claims his principles take precedence over yuuta’s desires, but specifically asks if playing with nonsorcerers would make yuuta happy. it’s a relatively small concession, but i think it’ll lead to bigger compromises - it’s like what you said about a cracked dam being doomed. already, getou’s had to make so many exceptions, for tsumiki, for maki, but they’re largely separated from his world; yuuta, on the other hand, is not, and he has to constantly strike a balance between his ideals, and yuuta’s feelings. nanako and mimiko (his biggest supporters) tagging along doesn’t help either

can’t wait to see how he justifies wiping the okkotsus from existence. mental breakdown 3.0 here we go

RESPONDING TO THIS SO LATE BECAUSE WE ALWAYS TALK METAS IN DMS THAT I FORGOT I DIDNT RESPOND TO THIS

higuruma, my pathetic wet sock of a man. yuuta, my pathetic wet sock of a child. real fun chapter huh. okay. here we go. surprising no one this got long so answer below cut.

i love your outline of the three facts higuruma was able to establish with her this chapter. i think nobara didn't realize how badly she needed someone to be proud of her until now. because she's so independent, the idea of relying on someone for external validation or support when she gets into predicaments is literally horrifying -- so how could that be something she wants to pursue, especially with someone like higuruma? higuruma who is horribly violent, extremely depressed, and far more similar to her than she'd want to admit.

in fact, higuruma's line "I didn’t want to see myself in you, so I tried not to look" goes both ways. higuruma is not someone she wants to have as any sort of caretaker or role model, so her predicament becomes:

how can you see yourself in someone you don't want to look up to?

PLUS THE PARALLELS BETWEEN GETOU & HIGURUMA HERE...ok we talked about this in our chat and you're about to see it in the insane meta doc i'm about to send you but i'll reiterate it here.

chapter 38 starts with getou killing someone for insulting yuuta despite yuuta not even being there. higuruma realizes he once would've thought this was crazy, but now he somewhat understands because that's the natural reaction of a father -- especially one like him, with a short kill fuse and attached to his children to a fault he later asks getou if it's what yuuta would have wanted. getou knows it's not, so all he can do is reply that it's not what yuuta would've wanted, but it's right. higuruma internally wonders how getou can tell when those shouldn't be the same thing, and internally concludes it must be some fatherly instinct

and the close…..

higuruma murders people for insulting nobara despite nobara not even being there. direct, clear-cut parallel, but what's so important about this is that higuruma distinctly described this as a father thing. no, he's not really processing the implications of his own actions, but it cements on a deep level that he views nobara as his daughter he, like getou, has a very short kill fuse and has been attached to nobara since the very start; he just likely didn't realize how deep it runs

here's the thing. as fucked up as it is, getou killing someone for insulting yuuta is something yuuta actually expects. but does nobara think higuruma would do that for her?

no fucking way.

in her mind, higuruma only kills people who piss him off, or people he thinks deserve it. to her, it's hard to fathom that not only would higuruma get that angry on her behalf, but he would be pushed to thinking people who hurt her don't deserve to live.

would nobara have gotten some twisted satisfaction had higuruma successfully dragged them there to beg forgiveness before her? yeah, she totally would. but if she found out he killed them?? just for insulting her?? she'd be fucking mortified.

higuruma knows this. he doesn't want her to blame herself, so he simply doesn't tell her. in his mind, he knows it's not what she would've wanted, but to him, their deaths were right.

what's so interesting about the way it contrasts with what you mentioned with getou, about him going from “It’s not about what [Yuuta] would’ve wanted. It’s about what’s right” to “Would that make you happy?” to yuuta is...not only is what higuruma did not right, but it also wouldn't make nobara happy. perhaps something theyll both have to contend with in the future. just...just a fun thought.

well, we all know now what happened with getou, the okkotsus, and yuuta. but yuuta does really go on a very nonlinear rollercoaster of character development, huh. good for him. good for getou. now time to make everything worse

#tpg #kay tag

[wrappedinsunlight]

My past is kinda beating my ass. Everything I allowed when I shouldn’t have & everything i ignored & suppressed is just like “ you can’t hide from me no more” but fucckkk all at once though ?! Idk if i can do it i feel like im breaking it’s overwhelming. Psa don’t suppress your emotions feel them before it builds up bc when it does its not fun at all.

I hate my ex like fr & I didn’t think i cared that much until recently. That dude truly broke me & its just deeply saddening to think back on the shit i allowed. My body repulses when i think of him now. Its just like i had an image of him in my head i guess because i loved him , and i saw his wounds and his pain so i was so compassionate & understanding when he would hurt me ( i still cussed him the fuck out & made his life hell at times in retaliation but i always forgave him though) but now i really SEE him no rose colored glasses & im just disgusted & disappointed with myself. Like i used to blame myself & blame it all on my low self esteem as if it was all my fault because i stayed & shit even though i knew better… but that still didn’t give him the right to do me wrong over & over again. I feel taken advantage of like bro saw how loving & soft i can be & just ran with that shit. Im so angry. I didn’t realize i was so naive either until recently & just being so open , loving , & accepting to someone who truly didn’t deserve it scares me because like how did i not see through it ? I don’t even feel like myself anymore. I feel gross for allowing him in so closely & allowing him access to my body i feel so gross. Im fucked up.

Lost a friend that i thought was genuine, that i thought really loved & respected me. Like blood.Like true reciprocation is what i thought it was. But to gradually see that it was not succkkeedd. Its like logically you would think making the decision to cutshit off with someone would feel like weight off your shoulders but it actually fucking sucked. & what sucks even more is that i actually didn’t want to end it but i had to every bone in my body rejected the idea of sweeping shit under the rug & moving forward , every tarot reading I did was like “HELL NO” , my dreams was telling me “FUCK NO” , everything in me & around me was like nah & deep down i knew. You know those prayers that be like “ remove & expose fake friends blah blah” like nigga !!! I even did one of those before everything fell apart & after that it was like everything i couldn’t put my finger on just became clear it was so wild & like a punch in the chest tbh. So i guess im grieving? Idk ? I just know it sucks & it’s something i would rather not think about but considering it was an important connection i guess it’ll take time. I also don’t talk about it & maybe that’d be healing idk ?

This all happened over the summer or atleast the realization that the connections were done did. & tbh I’ve never not had anyone close to me before I’ve always had a person & for the first time in my life I really just said fuck it & didn’t overlook the shit i wasn’t okay with & just sat with myself like really just me nobody to text or ft or lean on ( except my loved ones but truthfully I don’t open up emotionally to them much unless its baddd they just don’t tend to get it & i never want them to worry ). Im still in my early adulthood but those relationships really meant a lot to me in my adult years essentially & losing both around the same time was toougghhh. I didn’t realize I felt shit so deeply & that i cared so much about anything honestly. I don’t let people close to me often like i don’t have many people in my life that i fully let in & to be done wrong by the 2 people i adored more than anyone else & loved UNCONDITIONALLY was crazy & to go through it alone ( i never really talked deeply about it to anyone ) essentially was a lot. I think i just got tired of feeling & i just suppressed everything & shit just been bubbling up lately. I have nightmares about my ex like wtf is this. Its almost like im so detached from my emotions that its like im seeing the memories of my ex & i as separate from me? Like im reliving it all over again through like 3rd person? & realizing some shit that happened I shouldnt have been so okay with. I used to laugh about the toxic shit we did to my friend i used to not see it as a big deal but like nah that shit was dark and just soul sucking. Its scary to think that some of us are hurting so bad we could treat people like that or take advantage of others as a way of survival you know. & with the friend I didn’t even say too much or go into detail outta respect but i feel like my naivety & my empathetic nature & overly forgiving tendencies played a role in that connection & im not proud of myself for it. Being empathetic & loving isn’t a bad thing but i worry that i won’t be able to see things clearly in future connections lowkey. These connections & even other past connections too have me completely questioning my discernment & judgement of character. Like am i really that naive? Am i stupid? Why do i love like that? & don’t get me started on the other shit thats been heavy on my mind. Lately every single thing I’ve suppressed has grown into something mighty. Every single thing .

Idk maybe its the eclipse & mercury rx ? I hope so because fuckkkk

Life is still cool though but still like wtf ? but a change of perspective would be that once im through this i won’t carry the weight anymore just gotta feel it all. Had to realize to release i guess & i’ll be alright probably end up better than ever ya know

[chronocidalrage]

It’s cliché but I want to be loved

LIFE I hate feeling alone because it reminds me of the truth. I’ve always been avoiding feeling alone. Accept feeling alone. It’s okay, because you’ve been alone and you’re okay.

I think if I can accept being alone, I’ll be more okay eating well. I think eating junk food specifically makes me feel less alone.

Like really, if I was okay with feeling alone, would I feel better about not eating? Would I feel better about taking chances? Have I been fighting to avoid accepting that I’m alone this whole time? And the only times I didn’t feel like I had to accept that, was when I was with Atom.

DISCONNECT Is what I feel a fear of disconnection? That I’ll say or do something wrong and ruin the connection?

I can feel Atom disconnecting. Going further into my past. I hate it.

So thinking about this more, I think it’s definitely close to love addiction and fear of abandonment/rejection, but it’s not QUITE that. I think I’m obsessed/addicted to connection.

Probably because I view connection as a sign of my worth. For several reasons. I think the quality and success of a connection is how I value myself in the moment. Broken connection = I wasn’t worth keeping. Failed connection = I wasn’t worth connecting with. Weak connection = I’m only worth so much. But even a great connection, like what I had with Atom, is fucked. Because I never saw it as “I’m fucking awesome and Atom isn’t a stupid asshole so he actually sees it.” I saw it as “Atom is so amazing he can see this lump of clay (myself) and see the work of art it could POTENTIALLY be.” Like he loved me for my potential value, not my actual value. And I think that being the BEST read of myself has led to some really dumb thinking in my life.

So from my perspective, I’m a lump of clay that’s barely worth true connection from his own family or friends, beyond the one guy intuitive enough to see my potential value, but he died because he didn’t value himself so what the fuck does he know?

Because when we’re young, connection quality is a huge indicator of who we are and how we form our sense of self esteem. Since I generally had poor connections (or at least not as deep as I wanted), I viewed my one strong connection as an anomaly and figured my value/self worth was generally low all around. I never got past that and never developed my own sense of self worth. Because doing so would challenge my entire network and support system. Doing so meant realizing that Atom and I were both too big and bright for the world we were born into.

So not only was my best evaluation of myself poor and based on someone else’s behavior, but I never stopped evaluating myself based on connection status/quality. I still do it to this day. Even tiny interactions are all about connection.

And food and movies are the only things that SILENCE my hunger for connection. They allow me to turn it off. I think that’s why I get so mad if I’m interrupted. Also why I get anxious about cooking meals Susie wants or whatever, because now I’m combining food and connection quality and it’s not supposed to work like that.

So I guess I need to start looking at it like this: I want connection because I haven’t been given the proper love and support throughout my life. I’m lonely, but I’m fucking awesome.

It was legitimately hard to write that last part lol. It was hard to write “I’m fucking awesome.” I felt like I had to explain it. Make it make sense. Justify it with evidence. Fascinating.

I guess remember this: You can be both lonely and fucking awesome. Awesome people can feel alone, especially if they’re surrounded by less awesome people.

FOOD I guess maybe it’s time to just be open minded and eat whatever. I’ve been kinda trying to do that anyway lately. I guess do it more, and take more time to cook food and shit. Maybe we can try Blue Apron or something or I can look up random recipes somewhere and try a new meal or two every week.

I guess part of the problem is that I still always want food to be my silencer for my need to connect. And if I’m eating food I don’t enjoy as much, it doesn’t silence that hunger as much, especially if I’m worried that it’ll cause problems with the person who made the food. So maybe that’s kinda why I’m freaking out. I see it as Susie trying to take away my coping mechanism, which is probably why her limits with watching movies bothers me so much too.

So I guess accept that food can’t always be your coping mechanism. It’s food. It’s sustenance. It’s supposed to be fuel, not a painkiller or security blanket.

SELF Just remember that it’s possible to be awesome AND feel like shit. It’s a possible for an awesome person to make his partner angry. It’s possible for awesome people to make mistakes. An awesome person can still have a family that doesn’t fully value or understand them. Should I just assume I’m unappreciated in my time? Assume I’m better than it seems and just accept that things may be worse than I deserve?

I want this shit to stop because it makes me scared I deserve it. If it stops, I don’t have to wonder.

I don’t want to be normal I want to be awesome. That’s why every defeat is awful. But I can still be awesome, I can still feel like a star. I believe it can happen. I believe I can love me.

It’s like I can only see myself as awful or awesome. I’ve only ever been those. The extremes. The two kickball games, one where I was a star goalie and one where I was a complete failure. Anything less than perfection is complete failure.

SELF Confident people don’t obsess over comments that COULD mean something bad.

I’m fucking lazy. I’ve never wanted to accept that about myself, but it’s true. I think it comes from a lack of patience though. I want results and I don’t wanna wait.

So then why am I impatient? Because the longer something takes, the more chances I have to fuck it up.

So I always just want to jump to the reward because I hate the in between period. The anxiety. Will I or won’t I? I hate the tension so I get impatient and want to jump to the reward.

That’s the deal with food too. I’ll want so much out of my day, or my life, and I’ll be tired of waiting for the reward so I’ll be like “SOME sort of reward will help tide me over until I get a real one” and that’s why food helps. It helps silent the shame of still not being who I want to be yet, and how that’s obviously my fault.

But I should see it as a good quality that I can dream and want so much. And my placement isn’t entirely my fault at least. No one gets what they deserve. Not consistently. Our lives are not the result of what we deserve. Some of it is what we’ve earned or deserve, but some of it is just what we’ve been given. What we’ve had to work with.

Maybe I should see myself as someone who’s bigger and brighter than the world he was born into. And sometimes that won’t fit the mold I was made from. There will be problems. Wanting more can be painful.

So instead of seeing the tension in a moment as “I better make it or I’m never forgiving myself for the additional amount of shame I’m going to inherit,” see it as “wouldn’t it cool if I pulled this off?”

I need to rewire my reward center. Make it less about the reward and more about the process. The process is the reward. Being able to cook. Being able to relax.

PRESENT So is the secret to be present? Laying in bed, feeling safe and comfortable with my awesome dog is cool. Do I need more than that? Is it okay to just feel the present moment? Don’t think about it. Feel it. Just “be” more often.

[phawareglobal]

Larissa Domenichelli - phaware® interview 382

Pulmonary hypertension patient, Larissa Domenichelli discusses her rare disease diagnosis and why she feels like a 73 year old trapped in a 37 year old's body.

My name is Larissa Domenichelli. I'm from Cloverdale, California. My connection with pulmonary hypertension is I was diagnosed in November of 2020. I was in heart failure. Little did I know it was about six or seven months, just progressively short of breath. Feeling faint. It all started when I was working as a dialysis tech. You have to move. Clean those machines. Get those patients on and off. You have three shifts, three different patients, four times in a 14 hour shift. I just couldn't move like I used to. I used to play basketball. I was really good. I just couldn't move like that anymore. I noticed that's when COVID came out, too. A coworker actually joked with me and said, "You have COVID, huh?" I said, "Yeah, no, no." Little did I know, my heart was starting to shut down right then and there. As time went on, I got worse and worse. I couldn't even work. I just refused to go to the emergency room because of COVID. I have been in the medical field my whole life. In the back of my head, I kind of knew something was going that was serious, but I refused to go to the emergency room because I did not want to be there alone. Because that's scary. On November 5th of 2020, when I checked myself into the ER and I heard the nurse saying, "STAT," and three or four people rushing me to get an EKG and a CT. Here's the doctor come in asking me questions. I honestly was in disbelief. I did not believe that I was in heart failure. I'm too young. I'm 37. I don't even have half my life put behind me. When the cardiologist came in and said, "We're going to do a heart catheterization on you tomorrow," I was in shock. I said, "Maybe I should call my mom now and tell her I'm here." They were also going to take me up to ICU. They were going to put a bypass machine on me, which is a machine for breathing, as all us pulmonary hypertension patients know. That was really scary to me. My O2 sat was 50, when I was admitted. I couldn't even take 10 steps without gasping for air and doubling over and almost fainting. I couldn't do anything myself. When I went up to ICU, I called my mom. My mom came and was really surprised that I said this so nonchalantly, because like I said, I was still in disbelief. I am 37. This is not happening to me right now. The next day, they ended up doing the heart catheterization. I got out of the hospital seven days later. Mind you, I'm on six medications for the rest of my life now. The doctor did tell me that it was due to an atrial septal defect, which is a hole in my heart, which makes the oxygen and blood go two separate ways, which causes pulmonary hypertension. Basically, there was nothing I could do to prevent it, I guess. Now I see a cardiologist every three months. I still have trouble breathing. I just started a new medication, my sixth medication, actually. I can actually walk upstairs now without gasping for air and I can actually carry things, somewhat. Carrying things upstairs is super hard for me. It really sucks when you're only 37 again, and you have to ask for help constantly. After being in the hospital and going through that, I went through a bad breakup and then I got evicted and then it just went downhill from there. But things are starting to look up now. I did get a job in the oncology unit, which makes me grateful for being alive and my life isn't that bad. It takes a lot to accept it. I never thought in my life I would be at 37, not being able to shoot a basketball. Not being able to run down a basketball court. Not being able to rebound. Not being able to run down the stairs, or run after my dog. It really puts a toll on your self-esteem and your dignity and everything. Now I'm still struggling. I still have really high pressure in my lungs. Mind you, when I was in the hospital, my pressure in my lungs was 88 and a normal person is supposed to be 12. My pressure in my lungs right now is 84. The cardiologist is still working on getting my lungs down. I'm trying to get in to see a pulmonologist here in California. It's really hard to get in to see a pulmonologist, because there's not too many of them, that specialize in that field. I've also researched it a lot, which I don't know if it’s a good thing, because the life expectancy and stuff that they tell you online was really scary. After being diagnosed, what really makes me think a lot is why we're here for such a short amount of time. What is the point of that? I'm still trying to figure that out. I don't know. I guess because I won't live as long as I would've before I found out I had this, I guess you could say. I am Italian and we live forever, they say. It's just been really crazy. I have taken up this art called paint pouring and I do tiles. I make spoon plates and coasters with my free time ,because I don't work full time because I get too tired. When I get too tired, then I'm gasping for air. My oxygen's low. I get a headache. It's just a domino effect. Also being 37, having to take six medications a day is just not fun. I didn't think I would be 73 at 37. Like I said, I'm still accepting it. I'm trying to accept it. It's been really hard. Not being able to breathe is really scary. When you're gasping for air after you've been walking only down the stairs and people are looking at you like, "What's wrong?" And you're like, "Just give me a second. I'm just trying to catch my breath here.” You almost feel like you're going to pass out, but you don't want to tell them that, because you don't want to scare them. The medication is super important. My doctor said I probably won't have to do IV infusions right now, which I work in an infusion center. One side's oncology, one side's infusion, so I see this. I see these patients. I see how it works, the whole process. It's a part-time job for those people. They're there sometimes three times a week. I definitely don't want to have infusions. My doctor talked about a double lung transplant and a heart transplant. I don't even know if I would even think about that. That's such a huge, huge thing, because I've seen patients with kidney transplants and it's like their world has just begun. They didn't want to put me under anesthesia all the way when I was in the hospital. Now my pressure's almost that high again. I don't want to attempt even anything like that. It's just scary. I would rather give the transplant up and give it and let a child go. I'm not saying that I deserve to die, but I'm saying my lungs are already whatever. If a child is there, then they deserve it. I think that. I can't have kids now because of this last prescription that I've started. I had to actually have a surgical procedure. I had my tubes tied. I can't have children now. I have kind of accepted it, but I would want a child to have a wonderful life instead of have to worry about what I have to worry about. It's not fun. Some days are worse than others, but I couldn't imagine being a child going through it, I couldn't. My job, those patients ring the bell every day, those cancer patients. I'm not saying I'm going to be cured, but I know I'll be able to get better by taking better care of myself, which it's in and out. No salt. Then again, sometimes you can't exercise like you want. That's how I take my anger, my stress. I run. I used to do kickboxing. There's no way. One day, I'll be able to do it again, I think. It's just baby steps. It really is baby steps, especially when you're dealing with the lungs. To young people, I would say if they had any symptoms, I would go to the doctor right away. I wouldn't have waited six or seven months, no way. If I had to do it over again, no way. Maybe they could have not cured it, but maybe I could be on four medications instead of six. I don't know. Would've, should've, could've. I would just say, young people, just take care of yourself. Exercise is really important, because I would have spouts where, after high school, I wouldn't exercise for months at a time. They say sitting is the new smoking, so that's super bad for you. My name is Larissa Domenichelli and I'm aware that I am rare.

Learn more about pulmonary hypertension trials at www.phaware.global/clinicaltrials. Never miss an episode with the phaware® podcast app. Follow us @phaware on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube & Linkedin Engage for a cure: www.phaware.global/donate #phaware #ClinicalTrials Share your story: [email protected]

Listen and View more on the official phaware™ podcast site

#pulmonary hypertension #phaware #rare disease #lung disease #clinical trials #podcast #PH #asthma

[shiningstages]

I’ve kind of been head-empty when it comes to Actually Writing; I’ve literally just been thinking about everything in my head but I just. Can’t type / forgot how in a sense? And I really don’t know how to get out of this specific funk since it’s not my usual bluh or tiredness or anything, so...IDK?????

#;big bubble blowing baby! ( ooc ) #( maybe the tired has evolved??? or maybe my brain is just thinking about too much right now??? #the latter could be totally true since i'm worried about my internship + niji audition + a specific class that is Shaky Grade oooo #that's................probably it fgdgxdhfgj like how i semi-ghosted people because my mind was so focused on classes and niji #which i'm so sorry btw for people who have been left hanging for days on end last month!! it was an interesting time #i think i'm also grappling with the huge desire to actually become a vtuber but the knowing that i won't be able to like #do it all alone; and i guess a self-esteem connection in feeling like people would / do like me but also no one would dhfggfgj #and i only have my laptop........if i even passed the first step i'd be a million times more motivated to clean / write / buy pc #my mind was so committed to niji actually omg.........i've really been narrowsighted; the end of the month needs to get here #so i can know if i get an email or not ( really wish they had an auto email for those not accepted too like unis do ) #my brain has honestly been so foggy outside of that; i need to get my act together.....hopefully with chorus practice; that might help )

[kkusuka]

Dating Kenma and he’s playing video games but y/n is ✨horny😳 so she keeps trying to seduce him but he’s just not budging cause he really wants to play so he texts kuroo to come to his gaming room and when kuroo gets there he says “fuck y/n for me will ya? They’re horny and I’m in the middle of a match” y/n is just a whining mess and kuroo is like bro what are you serious and Kenma is like yes now fuck them to sleep please 🥵🥵🥵 -✨Puppy🤩

Fuck ‘em to sleep <3 

Kenma Kozume x reader x Kuroo Tetsuro 

genre: smut 

words: 1.1k 

Cw: fem anatomy, gn pronouns, a little degradation for the soul, slight choking

a/n: funny because i was just thinking about this-  

Professional gaming is not easy.

Yeah, it’s flashy and gets you a large platform and millions of dollars, but the end result is a lot considering the price you pay.

Hours upon hours of sitting behind a screen, always acting like you're happy and positive, longer hours than you could think. (filming and editing are at least 12 hours a day. )

And Kenma Kozume is no stranger to the ups and downs of professional gaming.

Sleepless nights, low morale, major digs to his self-esteem. But definitely the most important, his relationship with you. He’s missed more than a few dates, got distant and angry, but they’d be lying if they said he didn't love you.

If he had it his way, he’d be with you all the time, tending to all of your needs. But that’s just not possible and right now. He promised his viewers the 12-hour stream for 10 million followers, and that happened.

“Ken, come on! Just a quickie, we’ll be done before the stream, please, please!”

He really would like to, but he was getting warmed up for the stream. This was the fifth? No, the sixth time you’ve pleaded with him for sex. But he was so close to leveling up and that’s just what he needed to launch him into his real quest.

He just couldn’t leave his game, and he definitely couldn’t leave you hanging like this, it would be miserable for the both of you.

“Hold on- KUROO! GET IN HERE!” yelling, Kenma has had many great ideas, his best friend living with the two of you was one of his best, but this one may just top all of them.

Throwing him out of his mind was Kuroo running through the door, frantically looking over the scene before him. You, practically throwing yourself over the blond’s lap, and he, not even looking your way focusing on the team slowly closing in on his position.

“What’s wrong? What’s happening? Are you guys ok?” he rambled making his way towards you two.

Finally, Kenma looked towards the ravenette, “Can you do me a favor?”

“Uh, I guess, yeah. Yes, I can.” relaxing back, leaning on the wall, eyes following as you stood over your boyfriend's chair.

“Can you fuck ‘em for me? They keep whining and I have no time. Just fuck them to sleep please?”

Shockingly this was not the first time Kenma had asked something like this but it was always for him to join, never you and him alone. And hell, Kuroo wasn't about to let you down.

“Aw Kitten, you need some help over there?” he mocked, stalking over to where you stood. Guiding your hips towards him pressing you against his body.

“He won’t” you pouted, wrapping your arms around his neck, “he won’t even look at me! I’ve been begging for almost an hour!” Kuroo could see Kenma rolling his eyes at the claim.

“Has he? That’s so mean Baby, you want some help?”

Pulling you to your shared bed in the corner of the room, far out of the view of Kenma’s camera. Tucking his head into the crook of your neck, pressing kisses to your skin, hands moving to your hips.

“We’ve got a few minutes Kitten, let's make them worthwhile, shall we?” With that statement, he began pulling your shirt over your head. Once he disregarded your shirt, throwing it to some unknown corner of the room, beginning the work on your pants.

“You get prettier every time, don't you?” he purred into your collarbone leaving a trail of saliva and bruises down your body. Pulling away from your skin, he sat back to admire his work before tugging your panties along with your shorts down your legs.

Sharp eyes following the string of wetness connecting your lower lips to your red panties. His face split into a feral grin, running his pointer finger from your clit past your belly up the end of your bra. Circling a pebbled nipped through the thin fabric of your bra.

This was unfair, you were naked and he hadn't even taken his shirt off. Noticing your dilemma, he pulled his shirt over his head revealing his tight stomach. At that moment you could feel two pairs of eyes on your dripping cunt.

“Kuroo, I asked you to fuck them not tease them to tears, you have like 20 minutes until I have to start.” Kenma’s voice drawled from his chair, clear distaste for his best friend rings through his statement.

“Dude! You called me in because you were too wussy about the time and ‘couldn’t fuck them right!’” Kuroo laughed, thumb attaching to your clit, letting a moan escape.

You could practically feel Kenma’s eyes narrow onto your face, Kuroo had a nasty habit of riling people up at the worst times. And right now he displayed his destructive talent. In a hazy of pleasure, you couldn't hear Kenma rise from his chair, pausing the game on his PC.

Within what felt like a second, Kenma was over where your head lay, still engulfed by Kuroo’s fingers, pulling your chin to look up at him, glare focused on your flushed cheeks and ‘“o” ’d lips with disdain.

“Kuroo’s calling me a wuss and you're just gonna sit here and moan like a bitch? You want something to moan about? Keep your mouth open, whore.”

Pulling his half-hard dick out of his shorts he hooked his thumb around your bottom lip, pulling your mouth wider to accommodate his length. Letting your mouth settle on a part of his cock, Kuroo barks out a laugh while removing his boxers, hand never leaving your weeping pussy.

Once Kuroo set his tip at your entrance Kenma shoved the remaining part of his member down your throat. Kuroo, only a moment later, pulling your hips to meet his, nestling his cock in your pulsing walls.

Kenma’s hands finding the back of your head, fucking your throat with a purpose only he can express, and Kuroos hand moving to your hips the other continuing his assault on your clit.

“You look so cute, Kitten. Slobbering on his dick like that, so good for us.” Kuroo cooed. Watching as Kenma fucked his dick into your throat, his head was thrown back using your mouth for his pleasure.

Kenma cum’s first with a groan about how wet your mouth is, pulling out he demanded you swallow, opening your mouth to see an empty cavern before patting your cheek and slouching back into his chair, eyes glued onto where you and Kuroo connect.

A particularly sharp thrust into your g-spot brought your focus solely back on the black-haired man. Taking his hand from your hip repositioning it onto your neck, pulling your back into an arch.

“Eyes back on me Baby, let's give blondie a little show ‘k?” he growled out, speeding his thrusts pulling moan after moan out of your sore throat.

Continuing his assault, an alarm broke you out of your Kuroo induced haze. Before you could question your mind went white as your orgasm overtook you, Kuroo following only a minute after.

“What the hell was the alarm for?” Kuroo flopped back onto your chest, dick plugging your hole keeping his cum from dripping out. 

“Stream time. Anyway. clean them up and let them eat, aaaaaaaaaand, they’re asleep” Kenma laughed, his idea worked, at least.

He’ll have to ask Kuroo to help put more.

#kenma kozume #kuroo tetsurou #kenma x reader #kuroo x reader #kenma smut #kuroo smut #kuroo x reader smut #kenma x reader smut #kenma kozume x reader #kuroo tetsurou x reader #haikyuu smut #haikyuu x reader #hq smut

[quixotic-writer]

Sugar Daddy

request: anon

summary: When you first met Q, you had virtually no clue who he was. After a few more pricey dates, he revealed his occupation. Showering you with gifts was his love language, you weren’t about to complain!

warning: smut ahead!

——————————————————————————

The alarm on my phone goes off as it vibrates on my bedside table. My face was mushed into the pillow that my head was resting on, I started coming to and realizing that if I hit snooze once, it would start a cycle until noon and I would be even grumpier and sluggish. I take a deep breath in and grab my phone to turn the alarm off. As I rub my eyes and sit up, I see a text notification and my heart immediately kickstarts. It was from Bri.

B Bear: Hey baby <3 Got work today?

I smile from ear to ear as I see the message. We had been dating for a while now and I was hopelessly in love with him. He was honestly perfect to me in every way. He had a sweet and loving personality, he was super funny and always had this way of making me laugh, he was geeky in the cutest way and loved showing me all his collectibles and telling me all about them, and he was protective and super caring.

The way he shows his love to me is what melts my heart the most. His protective nature got the best of him at a bar we went to together and he ended up throwing his drink in the face of a guy that wouldn’t leave me alone. We got escorted out of the bar and he kept saying sorry that he wasn’t there sooner. Any day I'm sad or in a bit of a mood, he always goes out of his way to make me laugh or smile until I forget what I was even mad about in the first place. Lastly, he constantly showers me with gifts.

Me: Good morning! No work today. Have the day off

I texted him back with a smile as I watched the little thought bubble pop up until his next message came through.

B Bear: Dinner tonight then? Murr has been pestering me endlessly about this restaurant he and Melyssa had gone to and I think it’s about time I see what the fuss is all about

Me: Sounds good!

Just then a notification came in. Brian had sent me money, and it was not at all a small amount.

B Bear: Buy yourself a new dress for tonight then princess. It’s a little more formal wear.

B Bear: I’ll pick you up at 7. Love you

Now, when I first started dating Brian, I had no clue he was on TV or any bit famous at all. When he started treating me to more extravagant gifts and dates, that’s when I asked and he revealed all to me. I felt bad and was always trying to pay for things so he didn’t think I was using him for his money, but he always insisted on paying.

“Princess, we’ve been together for how long? I know you wouldn’t use me. Let me do this for you.” He would always say. After a while, I gave up the fight and just allowed him to treat me. Soon enough I grew a collection of gorgeous jewelry, a whole new wardrobe basically filled with a variety of name brand outfits, and if I so much as mention something I own being broken he is quick to hop on it and pay to have it fixed. At this point, I really do think he is my sugar daddy, and he wasn’t at all opposed to that label. He quite liked it.

Me: You spoil me too much. I’ll see you at 7 then B <3

I throw the covers off of me and make my way to the kitchen to fix myself a bowl of cereal before I get started on my day. What a way to wake up honestly, but I was not at all complaining. I finished up breakfast and got myself cleaned up, gathered up all my things in my purse, and was out the door and headed to the mall to go and treat myself. I often worried that maybe my closet was getting a little too full, I just couldn’t bear to part with any of my outfits. The way Brian made me feel when I wore each one of them made me feel so attached to them too, even if his way of saying I looked good in it was by having it end up on his bedroom floor.

I walked through the mall, doing a little bit of window shopping at first, scoping out the scene and feeling out what I might indulge myself in today as far as fashion went. Sundresses had caught my eye, especially one that was in the window and on display; Flowing, knee length, and white. I passed it by but made sure to take a mental picture of it. As much as I adored having a sort of allowance from Bri, I wasn’t about to abuse it. Besides, that would have been yet another thing I would have to make some kind of room for in my already overstuffed closet.

‘Maybe I could bother him for a bigger closet renovation,’ I joked to myself with a smile. I continue walking through and I see it from a distance: the lingerie store. I subtly bit my lip and was then in a mental tug of war of ‘should I?’ or ‘should I not?’ But as I got closer, the temptation took over and I found myself perusing through their cutest pieces that caught my eye. The least I could do to pay Bri back for the fancy evening, would be to give him a little bit of eye candy and a good time after the meal. Black lace, gorgeous ivory teddies, sensual cherry red garter belts, it was all so nice. After finding a few cute sets, I placed them on hold because I still had a main mission in mind that I came to the mall for in the first place.

I found the perfect dress: A wine red halter top dress. It had a gorgeous waist that hugged a little at my own to give my body some definition and gorgeously flowed down to my knees. I already knew I had the perfect pair of stilettos to go with this to truly complete this boss bitch look I had going. When I returned to the lingerie store, I already knew which set was going to be mine: black lace strapless top with matching high waist garter belt and panties to complete it all.

Me: [img attch.] picked out a cute little something, can’t wait to see you daddy ;P

I had sent him a picture of my dress, nothing more just to keep an element of surprise for the evening. I wasn’t long before I got a response,

B Bear: You look so gorgeous baby

B Bear: Can’t believe someone so beautiful is all mine

Even through text he could get me to blush.

The rest of my day was spent relaxing, catching up on some reading that I had put off for so long, catching up on a few episodes of a series Bess had gotten me sucked into, and just like that, time flew quickly. I was getting myself all dolled up for dinner, butterflies in my stomach because of the excitement I felt and giddy because I had felt so pretty tonight. It wasn’t often where my confidence and self-esteem would sky rocket like this, so I took it in and embraced as much of that energy as I could.

I heard his little knock at the door, the same rhythm as always so I knew it was him. When I swung open the door, he stood there with a twinkle in his eyes and a smile on his face. He cleaned up super well as always.

“You. Look. Incredible.” He scooped me into his arms and littered my face with kisses and I giggled as his stubble tickled the skin on my face. When I stopped him, I connected our lips together, “Shall we get rolling then princess?” I nodded and we walked down to his car.

The restaurant was gorgeous to say the least. Dim golden lighting, waiters wearing tuxes, glimmering chandeliers dangling from the ceiling to illuminate the tables. Even the air felt expensive. I tensed while we were sitting at our table and looking through the menu, even though he’s taken me to countless luxurious locations, I still felt this sense of guilt for being there and almost an obligation to monetarily repay him somehow someway. I guess he could sense my tension because his hand had found its way to my wrist, his thumb stroking my skin gently and his eyes spoke volumes.

‘It’s okay.’ was all I could see in them. He never had to say a word and I felt my muscles relax again as we carried out with our meal.

Dinner was more perfect than I could ever imagine. Perhaps I had an untrained palette, but everything felt like an explosion of intense rhythmic flavor in my mouth. I savored each and every bite. I felt more relaxed as the meal went on, especially as Brian and I talked throughout the meal, we would occasionally break the snooty facade to share a laugh at something absolutely crude that would pop into our heads. I swear, because of how loud we were getting, I almost thought we were going to get kicked out… Which made us laugh even harder and get that much closer to that being a reality as other tables would shoot us a nasty high-class glare.

Our meal was settled away as once again Brian got a hold of the check. And once again I didn’t bother fighting and allowed him to treat me knowing in my head that I had much bigger plans for him once we got behind closed doors and had no one around but each other.

The car ride to his place was spent laughing at how disgusted people looked with our behavior.

“Nothing but sticks up their asses!” He said with his accent coming through thickly.

His hand was on my thigh the whole way there. He would snatch occasional glances of me at red lights or when traffic was pretty clear. The rough warmth of his palm was enough to start an inferno on my skin and cause me to bite my lip and shift in my seat.

We got to his place, he took my hand, and led me through the space that has grown so familiar to me.

“As much as I love that dress on you, I want it off as soon as possible.” He whispered in my ear as we made our way through the front door. His lips attached itself to whatever flesh was within reach which made me grow wetter by the second. His hands traced about my body, refamiliarizing himself with each curve, dip, and fold he craved. His hands were never rough, they smoothed over my body carefully, almost as if I was fragile, something delicate, it made me feel protected.

As we were in the bedroom, he was quick to undo the zipper to my dress and allow it to pool at my feet. The way his eyes lit up at what was now revealed to be hidden beneath my dress was a look that always drove me crazy.

“Did a little extra shopping today with the extra money, daddy.” I said as I pushed him to the bed. He sat on the edge of the bed, eyes full of hunger and awe.

“I need to give you more money for lingerie. You look so fucking hot.” I straddled his lap, mouths attached and moving with heated passion. His coat fell away as I began tugging at his tie and the buttons on his dress shirt. I could still taste remnants of dinner on his tongue, delectable, indulgent, and I savored it all. My mouth began to move; jawline, neck, chest, stomach. I could smell where he sprayed his cologne, and I stayed where the scent was the strongest, drunk on his scent as my desire for him grew heavier with each breath. His hands held me closer to his bare skin as he let a low hum verberate within his chest. I fell away down between his legs onto my knees. He watches carefully, already out of breath and straining in his pants. I carefully remove his belt, take the zipper down with my teeth, and shed away another layer of clothes. I rub my hand over the cloth of his boxers where his straining erection was prominent, I felt him twitch at my touch and groan.

“Let me pay you back for dinner. How does that sound?” Just like a leaf in fall, the final clothing item was shed away, leaving Brian bare before me. He sat there, arms behind him pushed into the comforter of the bed for support as he eagerly anticipated my next moves, hoping it would be one that would satisfy the lustful desire he had coursing through him.

I kiss at his thighs, leaving a few love marks to show that despite being his, he was also mine. My head and hands find their way below, down to his balls where I carefully massaged them and sucked at the sensitive skin. The groans and moans that Brian was making was enough to tell me that he was enjoying himself. I began moving myself up again, kissing up along his shaft, tracing along veins with a pointed tongue and feeling him pulse beneath me as my hands ran along his thighs that would occasionally tense when I hit just the right spot. When I reached the head, I could see the pre-cum seeping out. I gave his cock a nice pump that sent more spilling out and I was quick to lick it all up.

“Baby, no more teasing. Please.” He begged brushing my hair carefully out of the way. I looked up at him with an innocent sparkle in my eyes,

“But I know you love how it feels daddy.” With a sharp inhale and his lip caught between his teeth, I finally took the first few inches of his cock into my mouth, pulling away while sucking, only to have it pop out of my mouth. I looked up at him and he was gasping for breath and his legs were trembling. I swirled my tongue around the tip of his cock before once more taking him into my mouth, only to repeat this cycle. I just adored hearing his whines, seeing the veins in his arms pop as he gripped the sheets into a tight fist, feeling his thighs tense and squeeze slightly together anytime a shockwave of pleasure was sent through his body.

I decided he endured enough and began carefully taking more and more of him into my mouth, head bobbing in steady rhythm. “Feels… So fucking good.” He breathed out as one of his hands made its way to the back of my head. He never pushed me further than I could go, or at all. His hand just rested on my head as though he was feeling the rhythm and pace of my head bobbing. The taste of pre-cum began getting more and more consistent, the way his legs began to tremble, “Princess, so close.” I could have came myself hearing his throat raw with desperation as he said those three words. I doubled down and took him all in. His cock hit the back of my throat and the tip of my nose hit his naval until his thighs came together and he was spilling down my throat.

My eyes were watering and my nose slightly runny, but it was always rewarding to see him so pleasured all because of me. He pulled me up and his lips were once more attached to my skin, littering the delicate flesh where my neck and my shoulder met with love bites of varying hues.

“Mine,” He would grunt whenever his lips would depart from my skin and then go right back.

He laid me delicately on my back and I felt his cock – still rock hard – resting against my thigh as he kissed my forehead, “Love you,” he says before kissing my lips, “so perfect,” his fingers pushed the panties I wore aside, not even bothering to remove them which honestly made it all so much hotter, “my princess.” He slid into me easily, filling me whole as my eyes rolled back at the sensation, lips parted as humid breath left my lungs.

“Daddy.” I couldn’t let out anymore as my nerves all stood on end as he began to rock his hips steadily into mine.

“You feel so good around my cock. Something so perfect is all mine.” I wrapped my legs around him, beckoning him closer and deeper. The way his cock curved hit all my sensitive spots and it wasn’t long before I was seeing stars, the noises that wanted so badly to break free past my lips but fell stuck within my throat as I was blissed out in pleasure. My muscles tightened around his cock as I experienced pure euphoria, “god you feel even better when you cum all over my cock sweetheart.” his hips continued working and I felt overstimulated, but I absolutely loved it. “Came that hard and I didn’t even have to touch your clit.”

As my body rocked, but boobs started spilling out of the strapless bra. Brian took notice and was quick to crane his neck down and lick around my hardened nipple. He licked, sucked, and lightly bit around the sensitive buds which only added to the extreme pleasure I was experiencing as my body started building up to another orgasm. I held his head in close with a desire to be as close to him as physically possible, aching to feel every inch of his skin, wanting nothing more but for him to feel exactly what I feel: Lustful love.

His hips started working faster and faster and his rhythm was slowly losing any trace of precise tempo. His hand slipped between us, fingers working at my clit and sending me over the edge once again with a cry.

“Princess… Gonna cum again. Where?” He couldn’t even get a full sentence out as he grit his teeth and words were quickly replaced with grunts.

“Cum daddy. Just do it. Wanna make you feel good!” I said as his head was buried in my shoulder, my arms wrapped around his neck bracing for his inevitable climax. With a few more harsh thrusts, he was buried deep within me as I felt warm spurts filling me, my legs holding us close together, intertwined as we pant and catch our breaths.

“I love you so much baby. I love you.” He said with a final kiss and our foreheads pressed together.

Once he had come down from his high, he went and grabbed a towel for me and helped clean me up.

“Thank you for tonight.” I said softly as he held me close in his arms.

“Anything for you princess. You deserve the world.” He kissed the top of my head and brushed my hair out of my face. “You have amazing taste in lingerie also.”

#suki writes #q x reader #brian quinn x reader #smut

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

If Bella was somehow bitten somehow and woke up alone during New Moon, but the Cullens didn't find her (I don't know if this is still 'Edward mercy kills Bella' territory but if it is then maybe her gift knows this and starts blocking Alice) and she became a nomad, would she still do the diet and if so for how long?

This is shockingly in the realm of possibility and not necessarily in the land of Edward mercy killing Bella.

Though there are some dangers Bella would have to avoid somehow for survival.

Bella is Bitten Alone in New Moon

We have one vampire who meets Bella during New Moon and another who with very little difference in the timeline would have run across her: Laurent and Victoria.

In the case of Laurent, he and Bella have a chat, he decides Bella smells delicious and he'll spare her the pain of being slowly murdered by Victoria, and just as he decides to go for it he gets run down and eaten by giant wolves.

Bella survives her vampire encounter.

In the case of Victoria, she never really gets close enough to do damage until the fight between Edward and Victoria and Riley and Seth in Eclipse.

So we have a few ways this could go:

Laurent's a few seconds ahead of Sam and company. He manages to get a good bite in and doesn't crush Bella on impact. He's run off by the wolves and Bella survives.

The problem here is that Bella has now been bitten and there's no coming back for her. It's a tragedy, and the wolves will feel a shared sense of failure and burden that they failed to save her, but she's dead anyway. They have to kill her before she fully turns.

Bella's gift, while powerful, doesn't appear to help in this kind of situation. Though, that said, in her dire need it could suddenly give her the ability to project illusions like we see in Renesmee. Doesn't seem to be how Bella's gift typically rolls, but hey, this is her darkest hour.

Otherwise, Jake could pull his alpha move much earlier in order to save Bella's life. He ignores Sam's order, flees with the turning Bella, and dumps her in the wilderness somewhere with a note from Jake that she must never return to Forks. She wakes up alone, only guessing though not knowing what Jake has done for her, and stares blankly at the wilderness.

If Victoria catches up to Bella, well, it's not looking good. All too likely, Bella dies painfully, and Victoria leaves a video tape of the entire ordeal in the Cullen house for when they eventually return (as they surely will).

Though, that said, the ease with which Victoria accomplishes this and the complete lack of Cullen intervention could catch her off guard. Perhaps... Edward doesn't actually give a rat's ass. That says terrible things about James' needless death, but Victoria's holding this girl hostage. She will die, in the most painful manner imaginable, and the Cullens aren't there.

Victoria might turn Bella out of pity or else turn her as she figures out, in part from Bella, that Bella becoming a vampire is Edward's worst case scenario. However, in that case, it's unlikely Victoria would abandon Bella, so Bella wouldn't be on her own.

Which, I think for this post, makes Jake's alpha sacrifice the most likely path. He dumps Bella's half-vampire body somewhere in nowhere Canada.

Bella After the Bite

Being dumped in the wilderness helps a lot. For one, Bella already has unbelievable control, for another this is Edward's penguin scenario. There is no one else out here for her to eat even if she wanted to.

So, following the diet is easy.

And it's something she'd very much wish to do. Bella sees the world of vampires divided into two types of vampire: the good Cullen vampires who don't eat people and the bad vampires who, well, eat people.

This left such a mark on Bella that she has very little idea of what a vampire even is.

Bella would be horrified at herself if she became a bad vampire. In wanting vampirism she wanted the vampirsim she sees in the Cullens. Bella might be miserable and alone, without a friend in the world, but she would be horrified to choose anything other than the Cullen way of life.

At least, at first.

The Return of the Cullens

There's a few paths for Bella after she's dumped in the middle of nowhere.

Alice sees that Bella's become a vampire, an abandoned newborn, and is wandering aimlessly around the wilderness somewhere. Even though Edward has forbidden contact, this is probably enough to motivate Alice who was genuinely worried.

She likely goes behind Edward's back and tries to find Bella with Jasper and possibly the rest of the Cullens.

Edward, of course, is still in Rio being a miserable saint for leaving precious human Bella.

Eventually, they manage to find her, and there's a lot of miscommunication, very hurt feelings, and heartfelt apologies even from Rosalie because look what happened to this poor girl. Though they each, either reluctantly or more enthusiastically, agreed to leave this was not what they had in mind.

Bella forgives them quite readily, as she did in canon, because she has the self-esteem of a thimble. The Cullens are awed and very grateful, Rosalie would never have forgiven them for this.

It probably takes them both a) a while to decide how best to tell Edward and break the news to him b) a while to get a hold of Edward because he's ignoring all their phone calls.

Eventually they do, it's a shit show, for the purpose of this post we'll say he does not mercy kill Bella. He might actually be feeling too guilty for that. Instead he grovels on the ground constantly, begging Bella's forgiveness, and refuses to enter a relationship with her because he's unworthy.

This undoubtedly upsets Bella, because she's also unworthy and Edward knows it and doesn't love her, but that's not the point of this meta.

In this world, the Cullens keep Cullening after picking Bella up, Bella's adopted into the fold and made Edward's twin sister due to looking the most like him (which, of course, makes them look actually incestuous in high school to add to the Cullen mystique).

With the support of the Cullens, living the Cullen lifestyle, and having the control that Bella has there's no question of ever leaving the diet.

Bella stays on the wagon.

Bella Seeks Out the Denali

Alice is successful and doesn't see Bella's future for whatever reason. Edward will be so proud. Bella is left alone in Canada to eat moose.

Eventually, Bella decides that however great being a vampire is, she's lonely and miserable. She wants companionship.

Well, obviously the Cullens hate her, so even if she could find them they probably never want to see her again. But what about the Denali?

Bella's already in Canada, she could head over to the Denali National Park in Alaska, and surely the least she could do is actually introduce herself.

Of course, the coven sounds blonde, hot, aggressively female, and very intimidating. Tanya's history of wanting to bang Edward has Bella feeling very small and worthless. More, the Cullens may have told the Denali all about how stupid and ugly Bella, Edward's current human girlfriend, is and they've all laughed at her.

However, Bella's so desperate for companionship, for some connection back to her old life, that she goes for it.

She makes it to Alaska, wanders around until she eventually finds the Denali coven, and introduces herself. The Denali are weird assholes, but Bella's so oblivious she actually doesn't notice.

That said, they've had their brush with the law, and Tanya doesn't want a newborn running around by herself. Eleazar also gives a truly pompous, awful, speech about compassion to their fellow man. It's unbearable, Bella finds it charming.

They take Bella in, she can be the dark-haired sister. Her control is so good the three single ladies quickly take her clubbing and encourage her to sleep away her troubles with human men.

Bella quickly finds that, when you're on the vampire end of the equation, the relationship with human thing is kind of gross. These people smell like food, are squishy and overly warm, and have the substance of tofu.

Bella feels even worse about her relationship with Edward.

She sleeps with human men anyway so that the Denali sisters won't judge her/will think she's cool.

They're so proud of her.

Regardless, Bella stays on the diet as the Denali follow the diet. She will likely have a few accidents with her human lovers, and will be inconsolable, but the coven will be there to offer comfort and help her get back on the wagon.

Bella stays on the wagon

Bella's Low Self-Esteem Wins and She Becomes a Hermit

Bella can't return to Forks and she's so ugly, stupid and boring that even though she's a vampire if she met anyone new they'd realize how ugly, stupid, and boring she is.

Better to just forsake society altogether and live with moose.

Bella's able to do this for quite a long time. Years even. And it's... fine. But her life has no purpose nor any direction to it.

She becomes tempted by society. How many years has it been? Has the world changed since she left? Has Forks changed? Is Charlie still alive? Is Renee? What about her classmates?

Bella starts travelling and visiting human cities and, thanks to her control, she does very well.

However, it's very likely that one day she'll slip, she takes her control far too much for granted and all it takes is one mistake.

And that's where Bella starts getting into trouble.

She's horrified at first, of course, and that likely doesn't break her. She gets back on the wagon, but the second time it happens...

There are no consequences to her breaking the diet. She has no companions, no one cares. Why is she living in constant agony, every single day, for people who will one day die anyway? Why is Bella choosing to suffer?

As time goes on, as humans start to mean less and less to her and all the humans that she knew when human herself are dead, Bella starts forgetting the reason that the diet seemed so vital to her existence.

At one point, it stops meaning anything at all, it's just Bella pointlessly choosing to live in agony.

Bella falls off the wagon.

TL;DR I think it'd take a while, at least ten years, but if she becomes a solitary nomad, it would inevitably happen.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #bella swan #jacob black #edward cullen #anti edward cullen #edward/bella #anti edward/bella #alice cullen #the cullens #the denali #tanya #eleazar #anti eleazar #meta #headcanon #opinion

[reflectionsofneptune]

heyy! can you give me some advise on what to look for in a birth chart when it comes to long term relationships (any information: when, where, with who etc.) and with ideal career/job (again any information). i know there's a looot of information about it but if you could share some and simplify it a bit i would realyy appreciate it! xx

of course!

I'm trying not to make this too long....but you know me. 🤡 

synastry

first house. this is the house of your physical body. where your personality shines through. and yes, this applies to those with saturn conjunct their ascendant screaming I don’t have a personality, I'm just like this. well, whatever. the mannerisms unique to you seep through here. so, having someone's planets in a positive aspect to your first house, indicates someone who approves of the way you conduct yourself. have you seen before those couples who are like....”oh, it’s just the little things they do...” more often that not, they’re talking about the first house. in a house connected to an ego, having someone who likes your little quirks, does wonders for your self-esteem. did I mention, that they will probably find you attractive? not bad at all. for some, looks fade so personality. over. everything. and I get it. I totally do. luckily enough, this house combines both...so uh, win win?

fifth house. this is the house of casual dating and fun. when someone’s planets aspect this house positively it can...well...sometimes make you want to act a fool with them. you can’t help but feel really playful around them and maybe act a lil dramatic, but in the most harmless and super entertaining (or so you hope) way possible. this house is indicative of one’s creativity, too. so in a long-term relationship, when perhaps you want to bring the spark back in a relationship, sometimes you may have to go back to what initially brought you together in the first place. for a lot of people it’s a shared interest in a particularly hobby or perhaps a way of creative expression. date nights can be seen here. but also recreational activities....did someone say netflix & chill?

seventh house. it’s how you view relationships and what you bring to the table. it’s an air house, so things don’t tend to get too emotionally weighty here. but it’s a cardinal house, indicating dynamic movement in this area of life. so when your partner has planets that sit here, it will indicate how you see them. mercury? you could see them as someone who you feel comfortable talking about anything and everything under the sun with. you may feel more willing to talk things out, which is important considering this house is other deemed the house of the shadow. you may enjoy travelling around locally together, too. this house also rules contracts, so positive contacts here could signify you and your partner closing really important and fruitful deals here/wanting to go into business together. 

eighth house. I'm sure you’ve seen or heard couples who are like, “when we first started dating, they were this way...but now they’re like this....” *sharp nudge* “it’s because I'm comfortable with you, dammit!” who knew? oh this house knew. this is you, letting your guard down. this house is where we get to the nitty gritty of how you are in a relationship. we’ve moved from the lightness of the seventh house into a fixed water house where decisions made have ramfiications that can affect us more deeply on an emotional level. like joint accounts or debt that someone is bringing into the relationship. this house shows what you need from an intimate relationship. for example. you have your moon here. this placement often produces a moon who has been through it, but doesn’t necessarily show that. with their SO they will relish being able to be vulnerable, be told it’s going to be OK, that they’re able to lean on someone else’s shoulders for once. someone’s saturn might struggle there initially in synastry. the moon person may want emotional reassurance but the saturn person may act reserved or distant. in this house, you bare your soul in a way so it’s ideal to have someone who accepts all of you. someone’s sun here for example, can help shine light here.

planets

the sun. it’s one’s ego. it’s what drives you forward. aspects to the sun show someone who supports you for you, or someone who may try and dim your light. it can also show how comfortable you feel about being yourself around them as it’s a lil sensitive. 

the moon. the inner child. it shows what you need to feel emotionally cared for. it rules the emotions and it’s helpful, to say the least, to be with someone who gets where you’re coming from. not someone who lets you have your own way unfairly all the time, but at least empathises. the moon fluctuates on a day to day basis, so you can see how important it is. love languages come to mind. 

mercury. if you can’t hold a conversation together, I- .

venus. shows how you express your love. venus in water may be more sentimental. water in earth may be practical about it. what kind of person you’re attracted to is also governed by this planet. venus in fire may be attracted to someone who they are physically stimulated by, but also who has something about them that makes them unique. venus in air may be attracted to someone who makes them see things a different way, or opens them up to new experiences. 

in your birth chart

look to where the ruler of your seventh house is. it will give you information as to how the relationship with evolve over time and also, the partners you choose. for example. let’s say we have a chart with aries rising using whole signs. the sign on the 7th house cusp is libra. venus rules libra. venus in placed in capricorn in the tenth house. so we can say that the ruler of the seventh house is in the tenth house. now with that information, we can see that this person may be attracted to someone who presents themselves as mature, or is older than them in age. they may go for people who are goal-orientated. social standing may be important. “looking good” together, too. it can also show meeting your partner at a work do, for example. you can do for that all the romantic houses, so namely the first, fifth, & eight houses to see how the themes of the house play out in your life.

aspects

saturn. whatever saturn touches, it usually sticks. saturn aspecting the dc, moon & venus, ruler of the fifth + eighth house can add a sense of longevity. whether or not the parties in question are agreeable about that is another situation..........

career

second house. your natural talents. you can look to this house to give you an indication of how you can attract abundance into your life. if fire rules this house, you may just need to go get it. be daring. take a risk. tell yourself nothing can stop you. confidence or the lack of, is important here. 

sixth house. so you've found your talent. in this cadent house, you need to put in the work to nurture your skills if you want to strike out on your own for example. it rules daily habits. let’s say you have scorpio on the sixth house. this indicates that in your day to day life, themes of forgiveness, healing, and self-destruction may come up. it may mean that you have to gethonest about ways you sabotage your efforts through certain rituals or habits. for those of you wanting to move up the career ladder, the sixth house shows you’re ideal work environment. continuing on with this example, let’s add pluto to the mix. so, someone with pluto in scorpio in the sixth house, may prefer to be in small, intimate team, (pluto generally talks of downsizing things) or work alone. they will favour jobs that have a bit of depth to them. maybe they like to research topics that are taboo, or deal with death in some way. they could find themselves helping others in their grieving process for example. last but not least, planets in the sixth house can signify how others see you at your job environment, which I guess is important in a day and age where favouritism can sometimes get you further. whether or not its justified is another question. co-workers fall under this house so they may view someone with their pluto in scorpio as mysterious, intense, enigmatic. scandal and work can become intertwined. 

the tenth house. now it’s time to take your talent and show the world. your biggest goals and dreams for yourself rest at the top of your chart. your legacy can be seen here. what you want to be know for in society. relationships with authority can be seen here too. as it sits opposite the fourth house, for some people with an afflicted planet in the fourth house, it can signify a sort of breaking free from what they view as holding them back when it comes to family. or, it can show taking what we have been given to us by our elders, and going on to do more with it. 

planets.

i’m just going to name one i think is underrated.

mercury. “everything in life is a negotiation.” chris voss. (has anyone taken his masterclass?) and...that’s all I have to say on that one.

by no means did I cover everything, but I hope that it was somewhat useful. if anything was unclear let me know and I can clarify for you :)

#asks about career #asks about romantic relationships

[rphelperblog]

Legacies Rp Meme

“I'm trying to rise above it so let me freaking rise. “

“I just have this feeling that everything is going to work out fine.”

“I don’t have things.”

“everyone has issues of their own that they’re dealing with. We’re all in this together. Every single person here, we look out for each other, so, yeah it’s worth it.”

“I cannot stop thinking about what it felt like to kiss you.”

“I hate that you always see me when I’m weak.”

“We’re not monsters.”

“Bad liars look away when they lie to their kids. Good liars look them straight in the eye.”

“She’d probably kill us if she heard you calling her my girlfriend.”

“I’m more of a dc kid.”

“And not a moment too soon. i’m pretty sure you were about to tell me how babies are made.”

“I never wanted to before because I would have to do it alone, but now I have you. And we makeup our own faction.”

“You have such a big heart. it’s okay to let other people see it.”

“We will win or lose this battle together, no matter what comes next.”

“what if the only difference is just who’s telling the story?”

“the boy I loved has moved on, and I have absolutely no idea what to do next.”

“I’m getting back to me. I am who I am.”

“Toxic masculinity mixed with outdated sports pranks?”

“Except that I can’t handle being around a bunch of strangers right now.”

“Yeah. Uh, don’t worry though. Everyone here is dead.”

“I’m sure it was amazing, but I’d rather not talk right now. Let’s just do anything.”

I’m in. For whatever crazy thing you were about to say.”

“He won’t die! You know sci fi stuff. Help me! How do I kill him?”

““Please keep these two from trying to kill or die for each other.”

“i thought you had something important to tell us.”

“because your drunk. I really need you to focus. this is a matter of life and death.”

“you’re great at riddles. We should probably add fight training to your coursework though.”

”Well, he walked away because he thinks I can’t handle him being human.”

“In a shocking turn of events, I ignored you.”

“You’re always telling me to connect more!”

“thanks so much for the villain monologue.”

“If I need someone to die a lot or be picked on, I know who to call. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean that.”

“said the narcissist.”

“Ah, yes. I did a spell to alter your appearance to turn you into the most vile thing I could imagine.”

“There’s a shelf life on doing the right thing. If you wait too long, it’s just wrong.”

“Funny because I thought it should be the one of us with high level super powers.”

“It feeds on secrets, right? So let me have it.”

“Is it possible to die from a paper cut?”

 “I’m assuming you know this symbol.”

“You are literally the only person on the planet who knows that I exist.”

“You’re not seriously suggesting we kill a unicorn.”

“block with your hand.”

“I slept with the damn thing under my pillow.It’s kind of hard to miss.”

“I just have this feeling that everything is going to work out just fine.”

“We’re not in the prison yard, ass hat!”

“I’ll take the cute vampire, I guess.”

“Where do you stand on Ewoks?”

“This is why we don’t trust plans to Muppet babies.”

“I’m unique and special. And for some reason, I’m really emo about it. Wait here while I go sacrifice myself unnecessarily.”

“Nothing that you or I will be proud of so remember this and try to forget what I’m about to do next.”

“well in that case, screw personal growth.”

“I fancy sex with you. The jury’s out on all the rest.” 

“So you get to see all of these amazing alternate universes but then eventually everything just resets back to normal and the heroes don’t even remember any of it? Lame!”

“Epic former frenemy reunion is going to have to wait.”

“Ugh, this is a nerdgasm, not a plan.”

“Do I look pretty when I play quarterback?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. We can’t all be born with resting concerned pouty face.”

. I’m worried about what I’m going to wear to my victory rally.”

You’ve multiplied – like gremlins.”

“I’m reading the instructions!”

“I think you’ve got banging… self-esteem.”

“I don’t really drink like that.”

“I’m a terrible detective too, but not half bad at picking locks.”

“Yeah, but in a gentlemanly way.”

“Are we alive? did we win?”

“if that’s supposed to be an apology, it sucks.”

“that time i spent with you the other night was one of the happiest moments of my life.”

“i had the kitchen make these. your favorite: brownies.”

“You told me once- we’re faster, we’re stronger, we’re better. Deep down, they know that. so just be better.”

“I’m still a work in progress, but I’m definitely a better version.”

“do not make me unplug you.”

“My sister has terrible taste in women as it is, but there’s no way that I’m letting her near a cold-blooded killer”

“I am so good at cleaning up your messes and supporting you. It’s almost as if I was written to have no wants or needs of my own.”

“I do not like it when you try to be cool and impress me.”

“more like despair.”

“she who shall not be named.”

“on the plus side, we are happy your single.”

“Oh god, that was my inside voice.”

“go away evil one.”

“did she who shall not be named fat shame me?”

“you can count on my steel.”

“come on, your ruining a perfect moment here.”

#open starter #open legacies rp #open legacies starter #open rp #open to anyone #open to all #iopen tvd rp #open tvd rp #open tvdu rp #open tvdu roleplay #open tvdu starter #meme rp #open meme #roleplay meme #ask meme #rp meme #legacies rp #legacies starter

[jaeheewillalwaysbemyfav]

so since you're gonna do the avatar!mc au with the entities you think each brother would fear the most (SO excited for that btw, my friend can attest to the fact that i've basically been rambling about tma x om nonstop since the first post you made that put the two together), i'd love to hear your thoughts on which entity each brother would *be* an avatar of, if you're cool with sharing! personally i love the ideas of specifically vast!levi and dark!belphie but i'd love to hear your takes on the concept! <3

So because of how time works, despite receiving this ask on July 12, by the time you see this it’ll be August! So the entire Avatar!MC series should be out by now, which I hope you will/have enjoy/ed. I wholeheartedly agree with the concept of Vast! Levi, which I’ve talked about before (as you know ;) ), but I will happily ramble about it again!

These aren’t gonna be short fics though bc I do Yearn to save that energy for The Longfic, which is still in the planning stages because a) I can’t pick a timeline, and b) trying to match up the timelines of Obey Me and TMA is hard, especially when I tend to have a violent disrespect for actually paying attention to the timing of plot events in both. I already fucked up a part of the plotting because I forgot the order we get pacts with the brothers lmao

Content warnings: Mentions/allusions to tma-typical Spookies, yet another installation of my Cursed Crossover idea, lengthy debates about what makes someone choose to become an avatar of fear, spoilers for Lesson 16+ of Obey Me and S5 of TMA

What Entity Do I Think The Brothers Would Serve? (Cursed TMA x Obey Me Crossover)

Lucifer

So I put him as falling victim to the Eye/Beholding bc of his whole thing about Secrets and Pride being about wanting control over your own image

And he does have a creepy tendency in canon to always know when his brothers are up to some Dumb Shit

BUT! You know what we see in Lucifer’s character that we see in a certain Entity?

A simultaneous manipulation of others and submission to being manipulated by a higher power

That’s right, I think Luci would be a Web avatar

But Winter, Lucifer wouldn’t wanna take marching orders from someone/thing else! He’s too proud for that— You’re right! He doesn’t want to. But he will.

He willingly submitted himself and his family to Diavolo for eternity to get what he wanted (saving Lilith)

And from how much we see him work, it’s safe to say that he’s a pretty damn essential part of running the Devildom

If he really wanted to, he could probably successfully pull a coup on Diavolo

But he doesn’t, because he’s trapped himself by his own honour code

Thus, the sexual tension bromance we all know and love/insist is Deeply Problematic and blacklist (depending on how much you like/hate dialuci lol)

10/10, would fill with spiders again

Mammon

I put Mammon as falling victim to the Buried for pretty obvious reasons

But admittedly picking a fear he’d serve is trickier

I had to get a bit abstract with it, but I think the Hunt might suit him

Not necessarily the primal *cough* and police brutality *cough* parts of the Hunt tho

More like how Basira was considered an avatar of the Hunt in the fearpocalypse because of her mission/promise to Daisy

See, Greed can stem from fear

Fear of losing what you have, of no longer being able to support yourself, of being preyed upon by others

So people become greedy as a defense mechanism, to protect what they have

If they’re on the offensive, they won’t be targeted

Also, if you’re constantly pursuing more more more, there’s no time to think about anything else

Like consequences, or guilt, or Feelings

If Mammon let his little tough guy act go too far for too long, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to say he could start heading down the path to avatarhood

After all, people pay big money for hitmen and bounty hunters…

Leviathan

As I said last time, I can see why people would associate Levi with the Lonely first: he’s a shut in, he acts like he wants nothing to do with people/would rather be alone, and I get it

BUT! All of that actually stems from the fact that Levi has terrible self-esteem and thinks he deserves to be this gross shut in loser

While envy can make you want to bring others down to your level, so to speak, Levi tends to just shun “normies”, not actively conspire to sabotage them

He actually does crave understanding and to have people in his life, he just doesn’t know how to go about it

Boy’s got Mega Social Anxiety is what I’m saying (funny how both the Lonely and the Eye can be real bad for that, huh)

But the Vast? Nihilism? Takes all the pressure off

If everyone is a small, insignificant speck in the face of an uncaring, unfathomably large cosmos, who cares what you do? Who cares what people think of you?

Yeah, you’d be kinda weird too if you stared into the infinite abyss of the ocean and realized it was just the maw of a gargantuan sea monster too, Karen, lay off

Plus aesthetically, the great Awful Deep most people fear in the ocean is a comfort to Levi

And again, THE VAST IS MORE THAN JUST THE SKY

I WENT ON A BOAT ONCE

LIKE REAL FAR OUT, SO I COULDN’T SEE LAND FOR DAYS

IT WAS JUST ENDLESS B L U E

AND I WAS ON A CRUISE IN THE CARIBBEAN

I SAW A FRACTION OF THE OCEAN’S S U R F A C E AND IT WAS I M M E N S E

Did you know we’ve only explored like 5% or whatever of our oceans? Think about that! Every Single Thing we know about what’s in there is just the tip of the iceberg!!! GOD KNOWS WHAT’S DOWN THERE!!! PROBABLY FUCKED UP FISH IS WHAT

*ahem* anyway, fishee

Satan

Another tricky boi

I marked him down as fearing the Desolation, as a reflection of what he fears most in himself

I probably could have also gone with Slaughter, but I’d say that’s more baby/early-Satan

Desolation is also about destruction of potential, and Satan has very carefully built himself into a non-rage-monster person

So tearing that all away from him is :)))

But what would Satan give himself over to?

Ceaseless Watcher, I want that twink OBLITERATED—

Satan clings to knowledge and erudition to distance himself from the rage he was born as

“Watch and learn” is literally how he became a person

I find it deeply funny that it could also easily be how he becomes a monster once again

Also if you think the avatar of Wrath wouldn’t have a use for supernatural blackmail you’re just straight up incorrect

Couple that with Satan’s various connections and he’d be a Force to Reckon With

Asmodeus

I put him as a victim of the Corruption bc I found it extremely fitting considering the duality of his romanticized image vs the “dirty” fluid-filled nature of Lust.

Lust can be really nasty, but as licentious as Asmo’s supposed to be, he’s surprisingly coy

(now part of that comes from the fact that Obey Me isn’t strictly 18+/full-on porn, but still)

There’s a lot of Interesting Ideas to unpack there with attitudes towards sex vs sensuality and idealisation vs reality

Now as for an avatar… I debated this for a very long time, tossing around Eye, Stranger, Spiral, even Web for like one second

But I think I’ve got it

Slaughter!

Specifically the musical/random outbursts of violence side (not so much the war side)

Why? Well for one, Biblical Asmodeus is said to “"transport men into fits of madness and desire [...] with the result that they commit sin, and fall into murderous deeds (Testament of Solomon, verse 23).”

But also, Obey Me Asmo’s affair with that portrait chick from the earlier lessons started a whole ass war

Like it or not, the boy is very good at instilling manic violence in people

They don’t call it bloodlust for nothing

Beelzebub

I paired Beel with an End avatar MC bc the boy fears losing his loved ones like he lost Lilith

You could argue that Desolation would fit there too but I liked how it fit Satan better

Now as for a Vibe…

I’m tied between Flesh and Corruption tbh

Though corruption is mostly bc buge :)

So I’ll talk about the Flesh

So uh, mass consumerism, meat is meat, cannibalism… see where I’m going?

Ignoring the Hans because that was super racist, the two Flesh avatars I remember best are Jared Hopworth and The Guy Who Stuck His Arm in a Spooky Meat Grinder To Feed His Buds

I think of Jared in relation to Beel not because of the gym thing, but because his very chill/apathetic attitude towards his patron is similar to how I’d picture Beel’s approach to all this

Like “well, guess I’m here now”

I love Beel as much as everyone else, but he’s not exactly apologetic about his… habits

Not to the degree that he’d actually try and change them anyway

So if he got started on the path to Flesh avatarhood, he’d be pretty fucked

Belphegor

I put Web for him as a fear almost entirely because of the concept of Uno Reverse Card, ngl

It does technically tie into his whole thing about being trapped in the attic, since he’d denied all agency and freedom in there, but… Uno Reverse

Dark!Belphie is an interesting concept, and MAG86 “Tucked In” is iconic, but tbh I don’t really… Get the Dark

Don’t get me wrong, put me in a dark place and I will be scared, I don’t like not seeing things, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around why one would become an avatar of the Dark

It’s not a very “primary” fear imo? Like, I’m scared of the dark bc I can’t see what’s there, ie. a threat could be there and I wouldn’t know, but intellectually I know it’s just the absence of light. That’s not really spooky on its own.

I guess what I’m saying is I can attribute spookier things related to the Dark better to other Entities, so I’m not sure what its draw is specifically

According to the Entity Sexiness Survey I did a while back, there’s apparently some Catholic stuff going on with the Dark so maybe that’s why i don’t get it lmao

Anyway I’d put Belphie down for Spiral

“What lies behind a smile” indeed cowboy

Apparently it’s getting choked

Is it because MC’s entire relationship with him is originally founded on a lie?

Is it because the Spiral deals with distortions in your perception, gaslighting gatekeeping girlbossing, as well as foggy liminal mental spaces like between sleep and consciousness, death and life?

Is it because I think Belphie would absolutely delight in driving someone bananas by fucking with their dreams until it bleeds into their waking life?

Is it because being a person or consistent being at all is too much effort, consistent internal geography is hard, fuck it, just be an endless twisting series of hallways?

Yes :)

#obey me #tma #cursed tma x om crossover #obey me headcanons #tma the entities #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor

[avenger-hawk]

Dear Hawk, hope you are better now. My question is about brothers and religion. In a modern AU, do you think Sasuke could potentially be a religious person?

I started thinking about it because I realised that I've read quite a few fanfics with religious Sas. It felt strange at first, however... He is pure and honest, non-manipulative, not arrogant. And these things make him somewhat close to what, say, Christianity expects of its followers. Furthermore, he can be easily manipulated (this is probs too strong of a statement because it depends on the person manipulating him and many other factors. But, say, Itachi and Orochimaru did well). And this made me think he could even be lured into a sect/cult thing with the "right" actions and circumstances (if his insecurities were used against him somehow...) Anyway, if he was raised in a religious family, I guess he would have the chances to become a genuine believer. What do you think?

The same question goes for Itachi if you feel like exploring it as well. Tbh I don't know what to say about him and religion.

(Again, I searched your blog but didn't find similar asks. It you replied to sth like this earlier, feel free to ignore this ask.)

My situation is not smth to be fixed in a few days or week, or even months, but thanks.

About your ask, I never read any fic with religious Sasuke or anyone else tbh. I see him more like an independent thinker who doesn't fit with established ideologies, including religions, not against any (because he's very open minded with other people no matter what they are, do, and, surely, believe in) but not exactly following one.

In a modern AU I think it would depend on his upbringing, if his family is religious he'd be raised with those values and habits like praying or attending Sunday Mass or its equivalent in other religions ofc. Cause I'd say all religions expect their followers to be honest, pure, non manipulative, good people.

A tragedy, like the massacre in canon, might make him abandon religion because where was God when the bad thing happened, and because he'd focus on avenging his loved ones/seek justice for them but he might keep some family related tradition connected to religion, a private altar or a ritual.

As for being manipulated into a cult, like you said it might happen if the cult leader found the way to get to him, using his insecurities, his low self esteem, his never been seen as good as his older brother. Or his need of something else, like revenge, justice, depending on the context. Like after some tragedy happened first, something that made Sasuke be suddenly alone, without his family and brother. Then he might not be aware that he's being manipulated or he might know and join like he did with Akatsuki, knowing that he was being used but needing something from them as well.

About Itachi, I think his philosophical nature makes him question reality but also ideas and beliefs, so that he doesn't follow any religion and he doesn't believe in God. He seems the type who wouldn't accept a God who allows war, for example, and he wouldn't accept any religions' explanation for this. He also seems the type who'd think that it's men who created God and not God who created men.

He might attend religious ceremonies as part of his family duties, he might also have an extensive knowledge of religion, but he would not accept its dogmas, or he might only apparently accept them.

#vivalarevolution #vivalarevolution: visions #vivalarevolution: not crazy but desperate #vivalarevolution: in his defense #modern au

[thnxforknowingme]

It's Who I'm With (3/24)

Summary: In an attempt to make industry connections (and pay rent), Kurt gets a job as a nanny for the daughter of a Broadway producer. When bringing her to a piano lesson one day in December, he meets Blaine Anderson, personal assistant to a famed pianist. (For Klaine Advent 2021)

Rating: T

Notes: Originally the absent pianist had a different name, but then before I started posting I heard my grandfather reference some guy he used to work with who was named Krenkovich and I thought 'that is one hell of a name, I must use it.'

Read previous parts here.

Three: Obligation

The room Blaine led them to featured not only a gorgeous grand piano, but also an electric fireplace and large windows looking down on the overcast New York day. Kurt settled on a comfortable love seat and pulled out his phone, ready to spend the hour scrolling through fashion blogs and playing games.

He listened as Blaine showed Francie how to hold her fingers, and guided her in plunking out notes through the scales. He looked up from his phone every once in a while to watch them. Blaine may not have been as esteemed as the man he worked for, but he was good at this. Francie seemed to be learning, but was also enjoying herself, laughing as Blaine made jokes and beaming when he complimented her.

At the end of the lesson, Blaine wrote down a list of exercises for her to practice at home, which Francie immediately handed to Kurt for safe-keeping.

Kurt sent Francie ahead to the foyer to put her coat back on, knowing that it would take a while for her to get bundled up but also that she wouldn’t want help with it. When she left the room, Kurt turned to Blaine. “Thanks for teaching her,” he said. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Blaine shrugged. “I felt a little obligated. I really am sorry about Mr. Krenkovich bailing on you.”

Kurt tilted his head, examining the man in front of him. “Are you from New York?”

Blaine blinked. “Uh - no. Not originally.”

Kurt smiled. “And I’m guessing that when you moved to the big city to make a name for yourself, you weren’t anticipating spending your time cleaning up the messes of a self-important, if talented, classical pianist?”

A slight laugh burst from Blaine’s lips, and he ducked his head. “It’s a good job. Most of the time. Just being able to touch that piano is a perk, let alone all the people in the industry I’m meeting.”

Kurt nodded. “Yeah, I know the feeling. I also did not move here to be a glorified babysitter.”

“She seems like a good kid,” Blaine offered.

“Yeah,” Kurt agreed, glancing towards the foyer. “I don’t think I could handle this if I didn’t like her. She’s pretty alright.”

Francie appeared in the doorway, wearing her coat and mittens and sticking her tongue out at Kurt.

“That’s rude,” Kurt told her as she joined them. “And I was saying nice things about you. As was Blaine, who was very kind to teach you today, right?”

She schooled her expression, and looked up at Blaine. “Thank you, Blaine. I liked playing piano with you.”

Blaine smiled. “I liked it, too.”

“So,” Kurt said, glancing at the time on his phone. “Were you the one who arranged this lesson? I want to make sure Mr. Lowe can contact you if he needs to.”

“Uh, yes,” Blaine replied. “His assistant called me - Larissa, I believe?”

“Good,” Kurt said. “Then she has your number to figure out any lessons in the future.”

“Right,” Blaine said slowly. “Why don’t I give you my number now, just in case?”

Kurt narrowed his eyes, trying to interpret Blaine’s tone.

“Fine,” he agreed. “Just in case.”

Blaine wrote his name and phone number on the back side of the homework he’d given Francie and returned it to Kurt. “It was lovely to meet you both,” he said, smiling at Francie before lifting his eyes to meet Kurt’s.

“Likewise,” Kurt replied with a curl of his lips.

#klaine advent 2021 #klaine advent: obligation #fic: it's who i'm with #my fic

[horrorslashergirl]

Soft Yandere Chromeskull x reader whose self-conscious because she has scars down hald her face and body.

 Chromeskull x Reader- The scars that reunited

Authors Note: It was supposed to be soft, but it turned angsty. 

Warning: 18+ for Violence, Murder, Abuse

Words: 1.4k

It was moments like this that you cursed yourself for being the wrong person at the wrong place because when your eyes fluttered open, your gaze was met with a scene from a horror movie. From what you could conclude on your surroundings, you were in some kind of basement, your hands chained up and over your head, feeling like an animal in a butchering shop. You saw two other women in the same position, they were there at the masquerade party with you, clothes and masks still intact on you and them.

This is not how you expected tonight's event to go; after months of not getting out, you finally decided to listen to your friends and have some fun, get out, know people, and such. The only reason you agreed was that this party was a masquerade one and you could hide the things that destroyed your life and drowned your self-esteem.

Most would say it was an accident, but you would never agree that having someone slice half your face and leave scars all over your body was an accident. You had broken up with your boyfriend almost one year ago, because of his use of drugs. You tried to get him into rehab, put the pieces of his life together. Your nurturing side got you into him not wanting to leave you.

You remembered his words as he cut and burned places on your body.

'You think you're so pretty, huh? Too good to be with me? Let's so who will want you after I'm done with you.'

You didn't know acid could hurt so bad, that a blade could leave you like this. It was a good thing, the police got there before he could fully mutilate you. They charged him for a murder attempt and put him into prison for good and even you received the news that he killed himself, because of how the other prisoners beat him. You should be happy that he got what he deserved, but that didn't give you the former look.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when you heard a door open and a set of footsteps march down the stairs until a pair of long black-clad legs stopped into the entry of the basement.

Both you and the girls were silent as you all looked at the person that entered this chamber. The person was male, tall and I mean very tall, over 6'5 for sure, dressed fully in black, bald and what really caught the attention was the silver shinning skull-mask that hid his face.

"Let me go, you bastard! I don't deserve to be here!" one of the girls screamed and in an instant the man, who you were sure was your kidnapper, marched to her, ripping her mask off to see her make-up streaked face, his gloved hand gripped her jaw so tightly you heard it snap and a piercing scream hit your ears.

He just broke her jaw, but she wasn't dead yet.

A shiny glimpse caught your eyes and your eyes widened more as you saw an intimidating knife in the man's hand, moving the sharp blade down the woman's chest oh so slowly, then stopping at her abdomen, only to push the blade to the hilt inside her, dragging the weapon horizontally and letting her insides slowly slip out, until her head hung low, signaling her death.

The other girl began to cry, shaking violently, but you had a different reaction, you were frozen, feeling like this was a total deja vu, memories of torture coming back to you like a train.

The masked man stepped towards the crying girl, who began to beg for her life, squirming like a scared animal, only to stop when the man stepped around her, getting behind her shivering body, only to scream when the man began to start slashing at her back, getting another knife like the previous one.

The girl's dress fell down from her body and blood began to pour at her feet, skin and muscles began thorn until her spine was visible. This had to be a nightmare because you never thought that you would meet another monster like your ex-boyfriend.

The girl was still alive, making you wonder how much pain she was in. The male stepped in front of her, knives ready and in a flash, both blades pierced her stomach, being dragged up until both her breasts were cut in half. You noticed just now a video camera mounted on his shoulder. What sick pleasure could this man have for wanting to film these things?

He turned his head towards you, eyes wide with fear behind your mask as he slowly stepped towards you, so you prepared for the worst, only to see him pull out a phone from the pockets of his slacks, typing on it.

'Last one piggy standing.'

You knew you were going to die slowly, you knew it, no wonder he left you the last. Now, he was just inches away from your hanging body, your wrists hurting so bad from the metal cuffs digging into your skin. The gloved hand moved towards your face, ripping the mask off and making you gasp.

He stopped, the mask falling at his feet as he took in your face, or what remained of it.

Jesse had seen all types of piggies and the moment he saw you at the party, not even an inch of skin showing, he knew you would make a great piggy, but he never expects what laid behind the mask you were wearing.

Small spots of being burnt were on your cheek and down your jawline, disappearing under the high black collar of your dress, but what pulled on his attention was the long scar going from your eyebrow down your eye and stopping at your jawline. The other half of your face was intact and he could guess you were a very gorgeous woman before.

"D-Don't look." your whisper pulled on his attention, seeing you close your eyes and lower your head, your hair coming over your face to hide your scars.

So you were more ashamed of your disfiguration that afraid that he might kill you or worse, torture you. That was his intention, but now? He was more curious about what else you were hiding under your clothes. He raised the knife and you prepared for the pain to come, only for the sound of material to meet your ears.

Wide eyes moved down to see your clothes being torn, exposing your skin. Jesse felt his breath hitch, the brown eye behind the mask wide open as he took in every little detail on your scarred skin. Scars from blades littering your skin along with chaotic placed burns randomly put from your chest to your abdomen, and the long blade scars running from the sides of your waist to your hip and down your leg.

Nitrile covered hands moved to rest on the scars of your hips, thumb stroking the rough skin there. You let out a series of whimpers, turning your head away. None has ever seen you like this and when you felt the cold mask moved beside your ear, nuzzling into your neck that had round scars from being burned with a car lighter.

"J-Just kill me...I-I don't wanna be seen like this." you cried silently.

Jesse smirked behind the mask. Kill you? That would be a shame; you weren't a piggy. Oh no. There was something deeper on you that he wanted to explore. This was an exquisite surprise for him.

He pulled his masked face away from you, only to pull the chromed skull away and the sight you saw made your breath hitch. He was deeply scarred, all his face, looking much worse than your own half of the face. You knew starring was bad, you hated the way people looked at you the next day you got out of the hospital.

The black-clad hand gripped your jaw to make you look at him, one brown eye looked up and down your face, taking his time to inspect you.

God, were you beautiful.

The next thing you felt rough lips press to yours, a gasp leaving you and he took advantage to thrust his tongue inside your mouth, pushing against yours in a show of dominance.

You didn't know what to do. It's been so long since someone touched you, let alone kiss you. The kiss was sloppy, full of tongue and teeth, biting on your tongue and sucking on it, making your legs shake and if chains weren't supporting your body up, you knew you would have fell down.

He slowly pulled away, a string of saliva connecting your mouths, your wide eyes looking into his smug gaze.

His fingers typed on the phone.

'Not a piggy.'

#chromeskull: laid to rest 2012 #laid to rest 2009 #chromeskull x reader #Jesse Cromeans #Chromeskull #jesse cromeans x reader #slasher x reader #horror movies