#even a normal level of. hey Im sad my mom did this. he would know he can never admit it to ANYONE you know!!! which is!!! not good!!

[cerealmonster15]

ALL OF HEARTSLABYUL FOR UNHINGED CHARACTER BINGO‼️‼️‼️

VIBRATES AT A NORMAL SPEED I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT HEARTSLABYUL LET'S GO

[bingo link!]

actually. using a readmore bc there are Five Character Bingos and i like to talk under all of them LOL

RIDDLE RIDDLE BELOVED BABY SON RIDDLE:

[TWO BINGOS i forgot to cross them tho lol] thats my baby son BOY!!!!! I FUCKING LOVE RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS HES MY BABYYYYY!!!!! riddle was one of the first characters i told my partner about when i was trying to explain twst to him and we very often refer to it as Riddle Game jfksjkfl. for my birthday and stuff sometimes my partner gets me riddle themed things - i have a riddle little guy hanging on the wall and my partner found his union bday jacket patches that i bought a jacket to go with and im... EVENTUALLY going to sew them on so ill have a RIDDLE JACKET [rn theyre pinned to it i just have to take my damn sewing machine out and DO IT!!!!] i love him DEEPLY and i relate to him on . some personal levels. DONT WORRY ABOUT IT but he is my special little boy with so many problems but he has also GROWN and i AM SO PROUD OF HIM AND WHWUWHFEHHRGH hes made FRIENDS 😭😭😭😭😭 hes such a wild little firecracker and I can and will talk about riddle FOREVER. forcibly cutting myself OFF bc we have MORE CHARACTERS to go!!!

also i think riddle probably needs a hug and would benefit greatly from it but would also Not Be Adjusted to hugs you must be GENTLE with your approach or he will BITE!!!

JUICE SPADE LIGHT OF MY LIFE:

this made me realize hes actually probably one of the more well adjusted characters in twst jfkldjsfklds hes a good boy!!! he loves his mom and his mom loves him!!! hes doing his best!! he loves his friends even if sometimes hes shy about it lol!!!! i didnt circle the therapy one even tho tbh i feel like everyone in twst could deeply benefit from it i jsut jklfdsj feel like that square is reserved for the more Severe Cases of Needing Issues Sorted jlkdsfkld. and obviously i want him to be happy but i feel like he mostly already is!!! anyway. my absolute baby of boys. i think i have the most SSRs of him than any other character in my game kfjsdjklfj he was my first freebie ssr dorm card and i work at trying to get it uncapped as much as possible i want juice to be my STRONGEST BOY!!!!!! I LOVE HIM ID KILL FOR HIM THATS MY SON!!!! ill marry his mom if thats what it takes to Make Him My Son For Real fjsdkfjklefjskldjflJKLSDJKKFLJSDKLFJ

moving ON!!!!

CAY CAY DIAMOND MY BELOVED CAYCAY:

[TWO BINGOS AGAIN] caycay is both FUN IN THE SUN but also. melancholic enigma. hes got some Issues going on below the surface that's like blink and u miss it since it's mostly only breadcrumbed in a few side stories but enough to make us like HEY whats going ON over there!!! but not too much to have me be like HORRIBLE SAD FOREVER BOY either. i think it's like. a mixed situation. but mysterious enough that we just dont know how far it goes. he's deeper than he seems and that's INTERESTING. but ALSO on the surface he IS a very fun goofy guy that loves his friends!!!!!! god i have very specific feelings about him and also. relate to him in certain ways Dont Worry About It but fjksdjlkfsd i love him. i want him to be happy. i have a Very Specific Way that i see his character and i turn into a rabid beast when i feel like people dont quite GET IT!!!! but sometimes thats a me problem LOL. other times tho. other times im like Did You Read The Same Game I Did Bc I Dont Think You Did RIDDLE AND CATER ARE FRIENDS IM GONNA BITE PEOPLE THAT THINK THEYRE NOT anyway. im very normal about cater diamond and his relationship to heartslabyul.

basket ball baby boy ACE:

i feel like it doesnt come across as much bc outside of my screaming about heartslabyul as a Unit i dont really scream about ace by himself ksldfjs but i actually really love ace a lot LOL hes SUCH a funny little guy. definition of a rascal and a shithead JFKSLJFSJK but i love him actually. i think it took longer for me to like him at first bc hes kind of a bitch but i quickly realized "oh this is villain school for villains and Everyone Is A Bitch" LOL and it's so fun. love that for him. ace is a little bastard who loves to cheat and lie and it's so funny thinking about that just Being His Thing. im obsessed with how in book 3 they were like "we need to sneak our way into the museum" and im p sure ace was like "yea let me lie my way through distracting the guard you guys wouldnt stand a chance you need my lying powers" and hes RIGHT. but also i think hes a really good boy when it counts 😭 hes a BASTARD but he LOVES HIS FRIENDS. Like he and juice are SO ride or die with the main character theyre the BESTIE TRIO + GRIMMY... THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!!! they took PUBLIC TRANSIT to come save MC when we called them in book 4 and then never answered again lkdfsjj and they were WORRIED when we vanished in book 6 + were up in arms about grim getting captured bc THATS OUR SILLY LITTLE CAT!!! and also in book 6 [many book 6 feelings SORRY a LOT happened in that book that ill never be over omg i love it so much] UM UM UM i love how when everyone is like "oh ill give my money to ramshackle!!" ace was like "well im not" LOL hes so funny. but like he was also really nice to juice i think 😭 like juice was feeling the moral dillema of "my mom and i could really use that money but i feel like i have to donate to my friends shitty dorm like everyone else" and ace was the one that told him like "dude dont worry about it you dont gotta be a hero. im keepin my money cuz i want cool shoes. ur fine." and like. it was silly but sweet 🥺 or like in fairy gala 2 when he went to go check on ortho..... sweet boy... ^ love that i rambled More about ace than the others im def more insane about fklsdkjfdlsjf ace is that sleeper character that Gets Me when im not expecting it LOL also i just dont talk about him as much so i didnt cut myself off immediately LOL i could def go longer about the others. forever.

OK ANYWAY TIME FOR TREY:

i also dont talk as extensively about trey but Love Him dearly. all the heartslabyul boys got that "if anything happens to them ill blow up" "id kill anyone who hurts them" and "id take a bullet for them" BC I LOVE HEARTSLABYUL SO MUCH!!!!!! THOSE ARE MY SILLY LITTLE GUYS!! trey is so funny to me. like he. whats with the teeth thing trey. jksdlfsd it's SO funny to me his hobby is brushing his teeth. there's at least one or two times i think it's mentioned where he checked ace and deuce's teeth bc like? ?? ? ? i think in one of his voice lines he said it's a habit from doing it with his little siblings [BIG BROTHER BEHAVIOR SO SWEET WAGHGHGHGHHH] and i think there's a card story where ace was trying to skip out and cut corners on the Teeth Ritual and trey was like Not On My Watch 🧍‍♂️ jkfjsdjf hes so funny. he literally went into fanboy mode in halloween 2 when he found out sebeks dad is dentist. he tries so hard to be seen as A Normal Guy and yet hes Like That. hes science club besties with resident freak ROOK HUNT [beloved i love u rook hunt]. his childhood friends are teapot tyrant riddle and wildcard catboy chenya. his other bestie is terminally online partyboy caycay. he loves stupidass little jokes and he + cater sometimes like to lightly terrorize the underclassmen for funsies skjfjklsjf. friendly boys with an Evil side jfkldsjkldskljf.

also. do not get me started on his friendships with riddle and cater. i can and will go insane about the three of them oh my god if i think about them too long i get emotional and we'll be here forever. theres so much complexity there but also i WILL bite anyone that tries to say cater and trey's friendship is all a lie + surface level only or that trey cares about riddle more ILL BITE ILL BITE ILL CHEW. yknow what i didnt circle the 10 hour speech about trey or ace but tbh i could. those two it would be more about them and their relationships with other characters but LISTEN TO ME i love heartslabyul. SO MUCH. they make me insane.

i got this ask earlier and i was like "no i will not have time to do this til im home later bc i WILL need to talk about them for 800 years. circling squares is not enough." jfkslfjsjdljf

#me rushing to post my diasomnia fic: HURRY UP I NEED TO TALK ABOUT HEARTSLABYUL RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #asks #felix-the-lemon-king #thanx felix you knew the cheat codes for Making Me Unwell jkljfKDLJKLSJFKLSJJFDSKJJ

[custardcrazy]

Newt Scamander x Reader: I’ll Be Seeing You (Part 1)

A/N:  i’ve been working on this lol and writing for newt makes me stupidly happy.. lol 

anyhow, here’s part 1 of this new series about our favorite magizoologist !!  

warnings: angst (next part will have fluff dw), parents fighting, bullying, a tad bit of abuse from the father. do not read this if any of that stuff triggers you.  

part 2

------ 

Poppy 

Since you were a child, you had possessed the ability to connect with plants on a near-spiritual level- and to heal them, as well. Even for a kid born into a magical family (you were a pureblood), this was unusual. 

It was an ability that was pretty much laughed at by anyone you told. 

"That's ridiculous! Stop lying!" said some. "That'll be useless in combat," sneered others. 

Your mother was very kind, but could do little to nothing to stop people from ridiculing the "plant-talking freak". All she really did was provide you with temporary comfort and a sense of safety from the outside world that was less than welcoming. Your father, close-minded as he was, didn't directly yell at you, but you could tell from his expressions that he was disappointed. 

When you were younger, you were very lonely. It was really stupid how people would distance themselves from you, thinking that they'd catch a disease or something if they got too close. And all of this manifested itself into you being maybe a bit too friendly for some people.. because all you wanted was a real friend.    

One warm summer day when you were about seven, you were playing in the local park. Your mother was sitting on a bench nearby, reading a book. Your father was busy at work, as usual.  

With a small sigh, you had gotten up from the patch of flowers you were in, and walked over to an area of trees to look around. 

Whenever there was natural life around you, you had discovered that it was present as a dull hum in your mind and ears. At first it had been annoying, but by now you had grown used to the feeling. Welcomed it, even. 

As you peeked around a tall oak, you caught a glimpse of an unfamiliar kid squatted over the ground. They seemed to be poking at some pink, mushroom-like things. 

You drew a bit closer, trying to get a better look at them. 

But as you took a step forward, you stepped on a stick, and it broke in half, causing the kid to jump and nearly fall over backwards. 

He (now you were sure it was a he) looked at you, with widened eyes. He looked absolutely petrified! 

"Oh- I'm so sorry for scaring you!" you said quickly, holding up your hands.  

"I-I-it's fine," the boy stuttered, turning around to face the mushroom things again with a slightly flushed face.  

You tilted your head to the side slightly. "Are you okay?"  

"Y-yes-" he answered, looking extremely reluctant to continue the conversation. But being the young child you were, you didn't recognize that at all. 

"I'm glad that somebody else my age is in the park!" you interrupted, a smile beginning to form on your face. "What's your name?"  

"Er.. Newton.. but y-you can call me Newt, I guess." Newt gave a short sideways glance to you as you crouched down next to him. 

"Oh, that's a nice name! I'm (Y/N)!" You stuck out a hand for him to shake.  

He merely looked at your hand, then returned his attention back to the pink fungi things. 

"I don't.. do.. handshakes."   

You shrugged, pulling back your hand. "Alright then."  

Pausing, you focused your attention hard on the pink things, wishing to communicate with them. But, strangely enough, you didn't sense anything from them- so even though they did look like plants, they weren't, you concluded. 

"What are those mushrooms called? They're not plants, are they?" you said, now curious to what these beings were. 

Newt looked a mix of surprised and impressed, turning his gaze fully at you. "H-how.. ho-how did you know that? It's nearly im-impossible to tell between-" 

With a slight hesitation, you just grinned. "I know a few things about plants, I suppose." 

-- 

Over the next year or so, you grew closer to your new friend bit by bit. You learned that he was interested in magical creatures. That he was studying the mushroom things- Horklumps, he said they were called- to learn how they worked. Apparently he had some back in his home!  

School did start up again eventually, but that didn't stop you from visiting the park nearly every day, looking forward to the afternoons spent with him playing around in the woods. Newt had become the closest and best friend that you'd ever had. 

You still weren't sure if he'd react kindly if you told him about your freakish powers, though.. and you didn't want to lose him. 

One evening, when you were flipping through one of your favorite books, you heard yelling from downstairs. 

Sneaking over to the stairs, you peeked into the living room, where your mother and father were having a heated argument. They hadn't been getting along well as of late, with your dad growing more and more irritated at work and coming home in a terrible mood all the time, having shouting matches with your increasingly quiet mum over trivial things. (He did most of the shouting.)  

...But it wasn't like they got along very well in the first place, anyway. 

"WELL I DON'T CARE! JUST CLEAN THE DAMN PLATES BY THE TIME THAT IT'S TIME FOR SUPPER!" roared your father, red-faced in his anger. 

Your mother looked like she was on the verge of tears. "Please, just be patient! It'll only take a minute-"   

"A minute!? Woman, GET ON WITH IT!"  

She shushed him. "Please, think of our child, you'll frighten-"    

"Our child? I never asked for that plant-whispering freak!"  

Tears began to blur your vision. 

But just before you ran upstairs, you saw your mom suddenly clench her first, hissing words at your father that you couldn't hear before pulling out her wand. 

Not wanting to watch any longer, you hurried upstairs, running into your room and slamming the door behind you. 

-- 

Turns out your parents split up shortly after that. 

The feeling was numbing, really. You didn't feel sad. You didn't feel angry. You didn't feel happy, either. 

And when you learned that you were going to move to America to live with your mother's sister, you just slowly nodded and packed up your things. 

The day before your departure from your home, you visited the park for possibly the last time. The last time you'd see your dearest and only friend. 

You found Newt easily, and he gave you a crooked grin. "Hello." 

"..Hey," you said, looking and sounding as hollow as you felt. 

He instantly looked concerned. "I-is anything the matter, (Y/N)?" 

"No- well, yes." Sniffling, you nodded. "I'm.. I'm moving. I'm moving, Newt." 

"Wait- moving to wh-where?" Standing up from the ground, Newt walked a bit closer. 

"To.. to.." 

You felt tears threatening to spill over your cheeks, and couldn't find the correct words to tell him that this was maybe the last time you'd see each other. 

"(Y/N), please, ju-just tell me. I-I'm- we're friends, right? You can trust me-"   

"LOOK, I'm moving to America- and I'm pretty sure I'm not coming back!" 

If this was a normal situation, you would've laughed at the expression of pure shock on Newt's face.  

But this time, you just wanted to cry and cry and cry.  

"Th-this.. th-this isn't a joke, r-right..?" His pitiful expression showed that he was wishing for this to not be true. That it was just a nightmare. And partly, it was a nightmare. 

"I-it.. it.. it really.. isn't." You sniffled again, trying and failing to wipe away your tears. "I.. I do-don't want to leave, but t-there's really no other choice..," 

"So.. I'll never see you.. again..?" 

You could tell that he was struggling not to cry. You could see the glimmering in his eyes. 

With a sob, you flung yourself at him, wrapping your arms around him and holding him tight.  

He froze momentarily, but slowly hugged you back, tears slipping down his face. 

"(Y/N)!" 

You heard your mother's call in the distance, pulling back from Newt. 

"(Y/N), we need to get going!"  

"Look, I- I'll miss you," you said hurriedly, letting go of him and turning away. "Goodbye." 

Suddenly, a gentle hand grasped your wrist. 

You looked back, and found something being pressed into your hand. Quickly bringing it up to look at it, you found a smile making its way into your expression. 

It was a bit rough, but nonetheless charming. A little copper moon charm threaded onto a rope bracelet that was a bit big for your wrist. 

"..T-thank you," you said. 

"(Y/N), this is the last time I'm going to yell!"  

Newt smiled back at you. "Be careful. I'll miss you too." 

And you turned around for the last time, running off and not looking back.  

#newt scamander #fantastic beasts #fantastic beasts and where to find them #x reader #newt scamander x y/n #newt scamander x you #newt scamander x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #self insert #angst #there will be a part two

[perishman]

The Prodigal Son

Hey so this is for @nastyburger and their Dannyverse AU.  Just so you know, it’s an AU that may not make sense without checking them out

Danny B. Fenton snorted, ashen grey smoke erupting from his nose as Dani landed behind him. For the first time in years, he was at Fenton Works for christmas, home of now world famous ghost hunters Maddie and Jack Fenton, as well as their elder child, Jazzy. It was once his home too. He knocked on the door. He didn’t know why, since he was expected. He supposed he just hoped it was Jazzy who opened the door. He was afraid to phase in. His parents might not buy that they “just didn’t hear him come in” when he was the most anticipated part of the holiday. 

After a few seconds of silent waiting, Dani turned to her brother, silently asking if he really wanted to go through with this. And B wasn’t entirely sure he was. But, he’d promised Jazzy he would make an effort. The Fentons were old by now; it was why the elder child had returned home. The door creaked open, violet eyes glancing out before it was thrown open to reveal Madeline Fenton, hunched over with hair more grey than red, her hands rough and boney. Danny’s smile was still half formed when she latched onto him with a hug. Maybe it was his Core that had always caused him so much trouble, but she was cold to the touch. Most humans were. Silently, Maddie waved him and Danielle in. As soon as they crossed the threshold, Danny felt the house take aim at them, reacting to their shared ecto-signature. Danny had once removed its ability to sense him and Dani, but Jack had yelled at him when he’d realized. Danny had pointed out that it could’ve been Jazzy, but the Fenton patriarch had rebuffed that by pointing out Jazzy followed instructions. 

Soon, Jack approached from the tree, a somewhat strained smile on his face as he said, “‘Ello Daneil. It’s good to see you. Same t’ ya Elle.”

Danny nodded, “Hi Ja- Dad. and uh, yeah. Glad to see you both as well. Merry christmas.”

“If yer more comfortable callin’ me Jack, call me Sparrow for all I care. Haven’t been yer father in years,” Jack said gruffly. Danny noticed it sounded more irate than sad. More bitter than apologetic. 

The halfa siblings each raised an eyebrow and held up some bags (Elle had food, B the gifts), to which a younger, less bitter voice rang out from behind, “Food on the counter, presents are hidden in the guestroom.”

Danny hugged Jazzy much tighter than his mother had done to him. He’d been meaning to call her for ages, bur grading and hunting had been eating up his time. Despite not being back here in ages, he didn’t need to ask where the guestroom was, given that there was only one option. When he got up there, he snorted. The bright blue walls still had the fades that came from his posters; it was the same desk, so on and so forth. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it. 

“They didn’t touch it for years, ya know. They were hoping you’d,” Jazzy said with a pause, “come home.”

The redhead ran his hand through his hair and laughed horsley, “Considering how I left? Why don’t I quite believe it was a bilateral decision?”

Jazzy pursed her lips, not having a response to that. There had been a lot of yelling that night. Ancients, it had been Christmas Even then too. For the longest time, the most that Jazzy, Sam or Tucker had heard was that Danny Phantom was more and more active than had been normal. That his fire had been tinted blue. It had been a terse few weeks, and everyone was frightened out of their minds trying to figure out where Fenton was staying. When they found out Vlad had taken him and promised to hide him… It had been a difficult time. Loathe as the Phantom was to admit it, Plasmius had supported his human half in a way no one else could, and Danny was in his debt. 

Looking around the room some, Danny said, “I need to think about some stuff. You mind?”

Silently, Jazzy nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her. Danny looked around some more, and eventually found something he hadn’t seen in years. A picture of him with Sam and Tucker at eighteen, with the imprint of Dani in a nearly invisible red spot that almost no one else would see. If Danny had to hazard a guess, he was 19 here, and it was one of the last times he was happy at home. He sighed as he pocketed the picture and walked out. There was nothing more for him in that room, bar whatever present Jazzy had gotten him, he supposed. 

“Look who decided to join ‘is family afta all,'' snorted the old man from the living room. Danni glared at Jack, who snorted. 

Spitefully, Danny glared at his father and blew a smoke ring with his ghost sense. He knew it was childish, but Jack had been nothing but rude the entire time. To his surprise, it was his mother who glared at him with… a contempt usually reserved for Phantom... . Jack, for his part, almost seemed apologetic, before the mask was back on and he scowled. Both Jazzy and Danni rolled their eyes at their brother. 

Sensing the tension bubbling beneath the surface that threatened to lash out, Jazzy turned to Danielle, and asked, “So. Elle? What’ve you been doing lately? Last I saw on instagram you were in, Madrid, right?”

Danni nodded, “Yep. Met a cute girl or two, which was nice. But Spain isn’t for me; not a fan of their food compared to Italian. Actually I spent the last few weeks of my europe trip in Milan. But I guess I forgot to post it…” she shrugged. 

“Ooh, Milan. You have got to tell me all about it,” Jazzy said with a smile before she glanced at the falling snow. 

Danny tried to listen, really. But Danni had already told him about her time in Milan (and the girls she met there in some form.) He felt himself zoning out, before his father jostled his shoulder and led him down to the lab. Danny wasn’t sure what he expected, but the lab was still the best kept part of the house bar hi- bar the guest room. His father had to take an automatic chair to carry him down. The radioactive green of the portal still illuminated the basement, but there was now a glass container that Danny could tell was lined with ectoplasm to prevent phasing. Smart. The eldest fenton offered a beer, which the son silently turned down. But soon Jack had sat the two of them down, like when Danny was a kid. Then, Jack had called them their ‘boys talks,’ but now it was clear what this was. Two broken men, trying to fix themselves by fixing the other. 

“Now, you were always a bit oblivious on your best day. Which this most certainly isn’t. Suppose that’s my fault a bit. But, in case you hadn’t noticed. Your mother hasn’t said a word all day. Why do you think that is?”

Danny knew immediately, “Throat cancer. Jazzy told me a few weeks ago, when I was in Canada with Vlad… I tried calling, but…” 

Jack snorted, whether he believed his son or not being unclear, “Right. Ya know, when you were a tyke, I wanted you t’ meet Vladdie,” a snort, “more than anything in the world. But now? I wish I’d never met ‘im myself. Would’ve saved my family. Would’ve saved him, come to think. Regardless. I want you to tell ‘er. Before she goes. So she knows who you really are.”

The room went cold, as Danny knew exactly what Jack meant, and he tried to force the hurt down in a level tone, before asking, “You knew? For how long?”

“Knew you had powers immediately. Saw you fall through your floor, but you were too comatose from the accident to remember. Didn’t know you were Phantom for a while, but when Vlad won his first term- unanimous votes my ass- I realized somethings about him. Things were cemented when I saw you beat him into transforming back to human. If somethin like that could happen from Vlad’s accident…” he gestured to Danny.

Danny stood, eyes burning with tears and ectoplasm as he snarled, “You knew. You had to know I wasn’t some druggie. And you still let mom send me to rehab? You still wasted weeks of my life. You tore me from my friends. You still sided with Mom in almost every fight. How dare you ask for me to give her my secret now? You don’t care. You just want your guilt off your chest and think I can do that.”

“I’m the reason it was rehab and not the dissection table. Maddie was on to you, you know. By timing alone, and the devices going off. But I lied to my own wife, your mother, for months. I regret what I had to do, but not what I did. I saved my son.”

That gave Danny pause. He wanted to believe it. But years of being alienated from his family made him wary. Part of him screamed that if Jack was being honest with him, he wouldn’t have let Danny risk life and limb with minimal intervention. He wouldn't have shot at him. But the boy that wanted to be a family again ached at the possibility opening up. At being his parents’ son again. 

“Fine. I’ll do it. But after this? I don’t want to hear from you again, You’ll see me at the service, but after that, I’m gone.”

As he walked up the stairs, Jack sighed. Tears streamed down from the old man’s face. It was better Danny was angry at him, than the dying woman who’d nearly convinced him to experiment on his own son when they’d realized what happened. Jack didn’t see the incidents with Danny’s powers, it had been Maddie. And Jack had sent his son to rehab while he tried to talk his wife from the edge. He’d saved Danny, and all it cost him?

 His son. 

#Danny Phantom #dannyverse #danny b fenton #dani phantom #jack fenton #Maddie Fenton

[oikawaplssteponme]

The Apartment: part 5

▪️for parts 1-4, click here

pairing: Kuroo Tetsurou x fem! reader

rating/warnings: swearing, angst (?)

synopsis: You knew that living with your three best friends, Kuroo, Oikawa, and Bokuto, would be a wild ride. It’s never a dull moment with those three. Let’s just hope you can keep your huge crush on Kuroo a secret when he is only a room away.

a/n: hi friends✨i hope you all are doing well:)) just a friendly reminder to eat something today and stay hydrated 💕 as always, my inbox is open for anything and everything so feel free to reach out:) and the taglist for this fic is still open if you’d like to join✨ okay, enjoy xx

•

Five: best friends

“Okay do you have all your bags?” You asked. Bokuto nodded, holding a backpack and small suitcase.

“Yes Y/N.”

“And your phone? And your pillow, because I know you hate hotel ones. And-“

“Y/N calm down you’re going into ’mom mode’,” said Kuroo. You rolled your eyes.

“I just wanna make sure he has a good trip.”

“Akaashi will take care of him, don't worry,” smiled Kuroo.

“Do you not want me to have a good trip?” pouted Oikawa. You put your arm around him and smiled.

“Oikawa, I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t come back.” You joked.

“I fucking hate you,” he growled, pushing you away. You laughed and ruffled his hair.

“I love you both okay, now get out of here, Iwa and Akaashi are probably already outside,” you smiled. The four of you gathered for a group hug. Oikawa was off to his mini getaway with Iwa and Bokuto was joining Akaashi for his writers conference. The apartment would be just you and Kuroo.

“Hey, Y/N,” called Bokuto. He pulled you aside and whispered something in your ear.

“Remember what I told you.”

You sighed, remembering well what Bokuto had told you those days ago. You nodded.

“Farewell my lovely apartment! You two better not burn the place down while I’m gone,” said Oikawa.

“No promises,” smiled Kuroo. He pushed Oikawa out the door as Bokuto followed.

“Bye you two, we love you!” You cheered. Kuroo shut the door behind Oikawa and Bokuto, leaving you alone with him.

“You act like they’re never coming back,” laughed Kuroo.

“Not my fault I’ll miss them. I don’t remember the last time I went more than a week without them,” you explained. Kuroo nodded.

“Wanna grab some food after class?” Asked Kuroo. Your face felt warm.

“Uh yeah that sounds good.” You and Kuroo both had a lecture together today for your marketing course.

“Just give me 10 minutes and we can head to class,” you said. Kuroo nodded. You went inside your room and saw that Oikawa had left something on your bed. You picked it up and it read: “I suggest you use this before it expires”. You turned the card over, and saw that it was a coupon for 10% off a purchase at Party City. You groaned and threw the card away.

“Dickhead,” you mumbled.

“Who, me?” said Kuroo. You jumped.

“Kuroo oh my god you have to stop sneaking up on me like that,” you ordered. Kuroo laughed and sat down on your bed.

“Hurry up I don’t wanna be late.” You sighed and grabbed your jacket and shoes from your closet and slipped them on.

“Fine then let’s go.”

~

You and Kuroo walked a couple blocks to campus. Your lecture hall wasn’t too far away.

“A 3 hour lecture never gets easier,” you sighed. Kuroo patted your shoulder.

“Come on Y/N, don’t you just love getting all that knowledge thrown at you.” You rolled your eyes.

“Marketing is boring, even a nerd like you could agree,” you joked.

“Okay fair,” smiled Kuroo. The two of you reached the lecture hall and took a seat next to each other.

“Hi Kuroo! Mind if I sit here?” a voice said. You turned to see a girl standing next to Kuroo.

“Oh Calie, hi, yeah sure,” said Kuroo. The girl joyfully sat down next to Kuroo, causing you to clench your fists.

“Uh Calie, this is my friend Y/N, Y/N this is Calie, we have organic chemistry together,” explained Kuroo. The girl flashed you a dazzling smile. Great, she's pretty and smart. You shook her hand firmly.

“Wait aren’t you guys roommates too? That must be so fun living with someone like Kuroo,” giggled Calie. You gave her a sarcastic smile. I already hate this bitch.

“Yeah we’ve been friends forever so I definitely get my fair share of Kuroo.”

“Well you’re probably so sick of him, mind if I borrow him after the lecture?” She asked. Calie wrapped her hand around Kuroo’s bicep. You had to stop yourself from beating the shit out of her.

“Well actually-“ you began.

“Sure that sounds fun. You don’t mind right, Y/N?” said Kuroo. Is he being serious right now?

“So I’m supposed to grab dinner by myself?” You whispered, without thinking. Kuroo’s eyes widened. Calie gasped.

“You can come with us! I’d hate to leave you all alone,” She smiled.

“Yeah come with us,” said Kuroo.

“No no it’s fine, you two have fun. I’d rather be alone anyway,” you muttered. Before Kuroo could reply, your professor had walked in and began his lecture.

~

Your lecture felt longer than normal. Probably because all you could focus on was Calie’s giggles as she whispered with Kuroo throughout the whole 3 hours. Kuroo was always good with the ladies. His confident nature caused girls to be drawn towards him. Yes, you liked him too but you liked all of him, not just the surface level of Kuroo.

You tried to contain your annoyance with Calie and Kuroo. It was obvious she was flirting with him.

“See you next week,” said your professor as he wrapped up his lecture. You got up from your seat and began packing up your things. You didn’t look at Kuroo and headed right out the door.

You began walking back to your apartment when you heard Kuroo call after you.

“Wait Y/N-chan!” You turned around to face him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to hang with me and Calie? She’s really nice once you get to know her,” he said. You almost rolled your eyes.

“No it’s fine. I promised I’d FaceTime Oikawa now anyway,” you lied. Kuroo raised an eyebrow.

“Well if you say so. I’ll grab dinner with you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah sure. Make sure you have your key to the apartment or else I’m locking you out,” you said. Kuroo laughed and nodded.

“Bye Y/N!” cheered Calie. You gave her a wave and watched as Kuroo ran back towards her.

-

You walked back to your apartment, upset. Kuroo had every right to hang out with other girls but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. It was just another reminder that Kuroo might not share the same feelings as you.

The apartment felt weird being so empty. All dark and quiet. You threw your keys on the counter and plopped onto the couch. You checked your phone and saw a plethora of texts from Oikawa.

i've been in the car FOREVER -sent 5:35pm

my legs are cramping -sent 5:40pm

do you think if i asked Iwa to stop for a bathroom break he would be mad? -sent 5:41pm

bc we just stopped 30 minutes ago and i said i didn’t need to go -sent 5:43pm

but now i do -sent 5:47pm

update: he stopped for me🤩 -sent 6:01pm

y/n answer me -sent 6:37pm

im bored -sent 6:38pm

you better be buying that maid costume -sent 6:40pm

that coupon expires soon -sent 6:41pm

btw bokuto forgot his pillow but he told me not to tell you -sent 6:52pm

oops -sent 6:52pm

wyd -sent 7:03pm

You laughed at your phone. Good to see you weren’t the only one missing your friends.

well im currently sitting alone in the apartment as kuroo ditched me for some girl -sent 7:15pm

HE DID WHAT -sent 7:18pm

maybe im being dramatic but he’s kinda on a date with some girl from his organic chemistry class -sent 7:19pm

i bet she’s ugly -sent 7:19pm

no she’s gorgeous -sent 7:20pm

fuck

well

im gonna beat his ass

how dare he -sent 7:20pm

it’s fine

maybe it’s better im alone rn anyway

gives me time to get over him -sent 7:21pm

come on hun

don’t say that

don’t give up -sent 7:25pm

idk toru

i feel like it’s never gonna happen

especially when he could have someone like her -sent 7:27pm

bokuto said it best: kuroo would be stupid not to like you -sent 7:28pm

i guess he’s stupid then -sent 7:30pm

:(((

okay Iwa and I got to our hotel but I’ll talk to you later okay love? -sent 7:33pm

okay

bye shittykawa -sent 7:34pm

why do you hurt me? -sent 7:35

You set your phone down and checked in the kitchen for anything worth eating. You weren’t in the mood to go out anymore.

Rice. We have rice. Well, rice it is.

You took out the rice cooker and began to prepare your sad dinner.

Why didn’t I just go with them?

As the rice cooked, you sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. You put on ‘Gilmore Girls’, wishing your friends were there to watch it with you.

~

It was late. Close to 11pm. Kuroo still wasn’t home. You laid on the couch, basking in your loneliness. A little dramatic yes but you hated being without your friends. It was a weird concept that they had friends beside you.

You heard keys jingle outside the door and you felt a wave of comfort come over you, knowing it had to be Kuroo. You got up from the couch and peaked at the door.

“I was starting to wonder what happened to you…” your voice trailed off when you saw that Kuroo wasn’t alone.

“Hey Y/N! Oh my gosh your apartment is so cute!” said Calie. Your jaw dropped and you looked over at Kuroo.

Your expression had to be screaming: “are you fucking kidding me right now!?”

“Oh uh thanks,” you muttered.

“Is it cool if Calie stays for a bit? Her roommates are having people over and she doesn’t know them too well,” explained Kuroo. Hmm I wonder what that’s like.

“You don’t have to ask me, it’s your apartment too,” you said plainly. Kuroo raised a brow.

“Just checking…”

Calie walked around your small apartment, admiring all the decorations that you had up.

“Aw isn’t this the cutest photo!” She said. She picked up a picture of you and Kuroo. It was when you had gotten dressed up together to take graduation pictures. Your smile was the brightest it’s ever been. Holding your diploma as Kuroo wrapped his arm around you. In the background of the photo you could see a faint image of Oikawa and Bokuto.

“Yeah I love that picture,” Kuroo smiled. Kuroo took the photo from Calie’s hand and looked at it.

“Best friends, right?” He looked at you. Your heart sank.

“Yup, best friends,” you whispered with a dull smile. Kuroo smiled and showed Calie to his room. You tried not to react. You walked over to your room, locked the door, and curled up onto your bed.

Is best friends all we are ever gonna be?

•

[taglist OPEN: @vangoghpoets @vangoghmusings @lilnuances @tetsoleil @cloudswritings @foxyyychan @tamaguchi @jessie9008 @bitandbytes @yeehawnana @166cm @bigchaosenergy @tumbledor3 @captain-janeway @answer-the-sirens @simpletype @ysatrap @stinkybitch1919 @bokutory ]

#willow.🌸 #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #hq #kuroo tetsuro x you #hq kuroo #kuroo x you #kuroo tetsurō #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x y/n #kuroo x reader #bokuto #oikawa tōru #the apartment.🌸

[mysteryofren]

Better Luck Next Time, Space Cowboy.

Part 41 of So Happy Together

Masterlist

A/N: i just realized this series is gonna be hella long, and not a lot of people may read it bc of it sjbajslflj so i might cut some of the things i wanted in the story out, and make a few oneshots about everything i wanted to put in

warnings: for the love of god its so much fluff, like a sickening amount of fluff.

Tags: @wumboho @pylopenpolo @duty-isnt-always-honour

“Do you see it?” He asked. 

“No.” You responded as you leaned over the bridge to get a better look. 

“Careful, I don't want you to fall over the rail.” He said as he grabbed your torso to keep you from going over.

“Point it out again.” You said as you squint to see a little better. His hand came by your face as he pointed out where to look.

  Following where his finger was going you finally saw it. A butterfly hiding on the floor of the exhibit. It was bright blue, but it hid in the shade making it hard to see. It wasn't too big yet, but it was already bigger than most butterflies. The longer you looked the more of it you saw. 

“What was it called again?” You asked. 

“Blue Morpho butterfly.” Ben said looking the beautiful bug with you.

“It can have a wingspan of 5-8 inches.” He said. You got down from the bridge railing, and walked over to the next plaque that indicated another kind of butterfly.

 It had been a week since you had gotten home. It's been about 2 days since Ben got home. His parents made him drive home from Bracca for running off without telling anyone. When he got back he immediately made his way to your grandfather's house where you were. He didn't stay long. He asked you on a date, and then left before telling you anything else. The next day he told you about how the local museum was holding an exhibit on butterflies for only a limited time, and he wanted to go see it. He insisted on bringing you. Now here you were, walking along a little path that cut through the greenhouse that held the butterflies. He was always the first one to find them in the bushes and trees. Then he would point them out to you, and tell you about them. 

“So what's up with you, and these things? You seem to know a good amount about butterflies.” 

“My grandma. She had a bunch of books on them for her garden, and she used to read them to me. When I learned how to read I would read them myself.” 

“That’s cute.” You said as you looked out again to see if you could find more. There was a small man made pond that sat in the corner. There were 2 turtles on the edge of the water. You watched as one slowly crawled into the water. 

“Ok do you wanna find more? Or maybe we could go inside, and see the rest of the museum?”

“Find me one more.” You said. 

“Im on it.” He responded as he looked into the greenery. It was a few minutes before he saw one, but when he did he pointed it out for you.

“Over there. Its by that cluster of those little white flowers.” He said. 

 You got yourself to his eye level, and looked at the flowers. Sure enough, on a small bundle of baby’s breath there was a yellow butterfly with a few streaks of black that started at the top of the wings, then faded away.

“What type is that?” You asked him. 

“I'm not too sure. I know it's a swallowtail, but I don't know what type.” 

“Can you check the pamphlet?” You heard the sound of him opening the small booklet. It flew off before he found it. 

“Here it is. Eastern Tiger Swallowtail. Their host plants are Wild black cherries, tulip trees, and sweet bay Magnolias.” 

“I feel like I've seen one before.” You said. 

“You probably have. It’s one of the most common species of butterfly in eastern north america.” You stayed staring at the flowers it had sat on for a few minutes before walking away. You walked out of the humid greenhouse into the cold of the museum. Ben wasn't too far behind you. He came out, and looked around. 

   He suggested that you two go to the planetarium. On your way to it he told you about how him, and Matt went through a phase where they were obsessed with space. He told you about how this one time he had a space themed birthday party where he dressed as an astronaut. Han had made him a fake spaceship set up in his tree house. You laughed at the thought of a 6 year old Ben Solo dressed as an astronaut for a party. He also told you about the time him, and Matt got matching space outfits, and listened to old space launch audios while playing in the tree ship. 

“What happened to the tree house? I've been to your house so many times, and I have never seen one.” You asked him as you both stood in line for the planetarium. 

“It's not in the backyard. It's in the woods behind our fence. My mom doesn’t know about it though so don't tell her.”  He said. 

“Wait it's still there?” 

“Yeah, the ship set up is still there, and everything.” 

“Ok you have to take me to see this thing when I go over.” You said. 

“I cant show you, sorry.” You dramatically gasped.

“And why not?” You said with fake shock.

“Space crew members only.” That made you laugh.

“Space crew members? Who's on your crew so far?” 

“Me, Matt, Chewie, my Dad, and my Uncle Lando, and Luke.”

“And how does someone become a crew member?” You asked. 

“You gotta prove you're worthy to travel the galaxy with.” 

“Sounds like a hard club to get into.” 

“Certainly is.” He said.

 The doors for the planetarium opened, and you both turned your attention to it. You walked in with the crowd, and found some seats next to each other. He was so fascinated by everything, like a kid watching his favorite movie. Every now and then he would whisper a random fact to you about a planet, or star. You would be lying if you said it didn't make you happy to see him like this. The Ben you knew before was someone who didn't wanna do things like this. The Ben you knew before would think something like a museum was stupid. Turns out that was a front. The real Ben was a giant nerd who had a spaceship tree house. Soon the show ended, and he actually looked kind of sad about it. You even asked if he wanted to watch it again, and he didn't want to make you sit through it again. After some convincing you told him you would be more than happy to go again after lunch, and he agreed.

 The museum had a small outdoor dining area that you chose to sit at. You had talked about the day, and all the stuff you saw. He beamed about the planetarium, and how it felt like he was actually in space. Your favorite part was probably the butterfly exhibit though. You liked having him point them out for you, and tell you about them. It was like learning without all the work, besides he's already graduated, you would be a bad friend if you didn't help keep his brain active. Stars know it definitely wasn't active before. You stopped talking for a bit while you watched 2 birds battle over a chip. He even gave them voices, and names. The two of you went back and forth talking as them. 

“You were the chosen one Garbanzo. It was said you would share the chip not keep it.” He said in a high pitched voice as the two stopped and looked back, and forth, between the chip and the other. 

“I hate you!!!” You said in a gravely evil sounding voice. Just then the other bird grabbed the chip, and flew to a nearby light post. 

“It's over Garbanzo. I have the high ground.” Ben said back. Just then the little bird had flown off with the chip, and the other hopped around to look for something else. You felt kind of bad for him so you grabbed one of Ben's fries, and tossed it to him.

“Hey! Why my fry?” He asked. 

“C’mon Ben, hasn't Garbanzo lost enough?” He laughed before popping a fry in his mouth. 

“I guess he did. Poor little guy just wanted his chip.” 

“Hey, if he didn't want to lose the whole chip he should have shared with Q-tip.” You said as you took a bite out of your chicken tender. 

“I still don't know why you named him Q-tip.” 

“Why did you name the other one Garbanzo?” You asked.

“He was garbanzo bean colored.” 

“You're telling me his little head didn't look like the end of a Q-tip?” 

“Do you always name everything after the first thing it reminds you of?” He asked. 

“Yeah, my first cat was named kitty.” You said. 

You told him about how the little cat would go to your window. You would feed him, and play with him. Eventually your parents found out, and caught him. They took him to the vet, got his shots, and brought him back for you. For so long you just called him kitty so you left it at that.

“That poor cat. His name was probably Bruce or something.” 

“Bruce?” 

“Yeah. cats tend to hang out in little packs so his family probably called him Bruce before he was so wrongly abducted.”

“Abducted?!?! I did not abduct him! He was very happy for your information.”

“Oh yeah, I'm sure Bruce loved his life. Bows, and dresses, and constant unwanted attention.” You threw a fry at him, and he laughed. 

“I was a good pet owner! I didn't dress him up, I just held him a lot.” 

“Uh huh, so happened to him?” He asked. You shook your head then sighed in defeat. 

“He ran away.” You said. He pointed his finger at you, and smiled. 

“AH HA! So kitty wasn't too happy after all.”

“Watch it, Solo.” 

“Man I'm gonna feel bad for our kids.”

Did he just say our? As in you, and him? Having kids? The two of you? You looked at him to ask about it, but noticed he looked a little nervous. He was blushing a bit too. You knew it probably slipped out by accident so you decided to pretend like you didn't hear a thing.

“You know what. I'm not taking this from a guy who hangs out in a spaceship tree house” You said as you continued eating. He gasped dramatically before you both laughed, and talked about other things.

  It was almost unreal how normal everything felt. This was only the 2nd first date you had been on, and it felt like your hundredth. Even your first date with Cal was a bit awkward in the beginning. This felt so natural. Like it was meant to be this way. He started telling you more about his childhood. He told you about a summer him, and Matt spent with Anakin, and Padme. Him, and Anakin spent some days fixing up some old cars. Apparently it was an old hobby of Anakins when he was younger. He taught all the boys everything he could about cars. He told you him, and Padme would hang out in the gardens, and do random things together. They would read, or play board games, maybe even just talk, or listen to music. The way he talked about her gave away that you, and he had something in common. You both loved your grandparents more than your parents.

  He loved Padme the way you loved your grandfather. Padme was Gentle, and patient with him. She spent time with him, and gave him more love than he knew what to do with. Your grandfather did the same with you. He made you feel love when you felt like there was none in the world. He gave you courage even when you felt like there was none in you. He gave you support when your parents could be bothered. He was your Padme, and Padme was Ben's, well, Ben. Soon it was time for the next show. Ben threw out the trash from lunch as you gathered your things. Both of you made your way to the line again. You waited for about 5 minutes when you finally felt like you needed to use the restroom. You told him you would be back, and left. 

 On your way back to the line you passed a small gift shop. Inside they sold balloons that looked like planets. You quickly ran in to look at them. You grabbed Neptune, and took it to the front to pay before running back to the planetarium. Just as you approached it the doors had opened, and people started walking in. you walked in with everyone, and saw Ben had waited for you by the door.

“C'mon kid what took you so long.”

“Don't scold me. I was getting something!” You handed the balloon to him, and he looked at it in awe as you went to your seats. 

“So what other planets did they have?” He asked. 

“All of em. Even Pluto.” 

“Pluto?!?!”He tried to whisper, but not very well since people looked at you guys. 

“Do you even know how to whisper?” 

“Leia, and Han Solo are my parents, and you really ask me that?” You laughed at him, and sat back in your seat. He held the balloon towards you.

“Keep it, I got it for you.” You shoved his hand back gently, and he smiled. He put it between his legs so it wouldn't block peoples view.

“You're a much better girlfriend than Rey. I always got her stuff, but she never got me anything.”

  You felt your face heat up. He just called you his girlfriend. Was it an accident like the kid thing? Or did he mean this one? Just as you opened your mouth to ask him the room darkened as the show started. He smiled, and wiggled a bit in his seat like a toddler. You smiled and looked back at the screen. Your hand was resting on your thigh when you felt something moving on it. You looked down and saw Ben's hand was slowly inching its way towards yours. He stopped right before his fingers touched yours. You tried not to smile He slowly moved his hand over yours, and gently wrapped his fingers around it. Your hand practically disappeared in his giant one. You flipped your hand over, and the two of you intertwined your fingers. He held your hand for the rest of the show.

 The two of you walked out still holding hands. You insisted on seeing the anatomy section of the museum, and he happily obliged. When you got to the exhibit you were oddly excited. The entrance was in the shape of someone's mouth, and Ben smacked one of the top teeth as you walked in like every other teenage boy that was there. You laughed as you looked around at the education posters that lined the small hallway that led to the rest of the exhibit. The first thing that caught your attention was a life size operation game. You watched as Ben tried to take out the organs without losing. He managed to take out 2 things before he finally lost. You, on the other hand, were very steady, and you were able to get most of the items out except 1. 

 Eventually you started to feel a bit tired. Your legs ached from walking, and running all day, and you wanted to go. Ben understood, and asked if you would at least go get dinner with him. Before you left you wanted to see the gift shop. Ben had an idea for a cute little game where the two of you split up to find a souvenir for each other. He walked around for about 3 seconds before he found something, and made his way to the register. You searched for half an hour before you found the perfect little gift. You snatched them up, and walked over to the counter to check out. As the lady rang you up you saw something else that caught your attention on the counter. You grabbed it, and placed it on the counter as well. Once you paid the total you walked out to meet Ben. 

“Hey kid! Took you long enough.” He said as you walked up to him.

“Shut up! I wanted to make sure I got the right thing.” You said as you finally made it next to him. He wrapped an arm around you, and led you to the car as you talked about where to go for dinner. 

 The two of you grabbed something quick, and went to a park. The sun was setting, but it didn't matter seeing as you two wanted to eat in the car. You both watched the sun go down as you ate, and talked about random things. He told you more about the tree house spaceship, which apparently had a name. The Millenium Falcon. Lando had come up with the name, but all the boys loved it so much they agreed on it. He told you about their days hanging out in it. Whether it was hotter than the sun itself, or colder than Neptune. Him, and Matt were always up there. He said they stopped using it as much when they got into middle school. It made you sad thinking of it becoming overgrown through the years. He assured you that he at least still used it, and took care of it. 

“Oh hey our gifts!” He said as he grabbed his bag from the back seat. You did the same, and grabbed the small bag that held his gift. 

“Ok who goes first?” He asked. You opened the bag, and grabbed the two pins you had bought him.

 One pin was a Space Shuttle flying over earth, and the other was an astronaut's helmet with a cowboy hat on. 

“Okay. close your eyes, and hold out your hands.” He followed your instructions. You gently placed them in his palms. 

“Alright you are good to open your eyes.” You said. You watched as he slowly opened his eyes, and looked in his hands. His eyes lit up with joy, and a goofy grin spread across his face. He picked them up, and examined both pins as he laughed. 

“No way, a space cowboy!” He said as he held it up to show you. 

“I feel like you would be a space cowboy, so it's fitting.” 

“Awe man these are so cool. I'm putting these on my backpack when I get home.” He lifted himself up, and put both pins in his back pocket. 

“Ok there's one more thing, I don't know if you will like it or not, but I personally thought it was pretty cool.” His smile got wider as you reached into the bag, and brought the other item out. You handed it to him with the front facing down. He grabbed it gently, and turned it over. He let out a small gasp. 

“Oh shit, I've always wanted one of these.” he ripped open the package, and took out the freeze dried ice cream sandwich. He inspected it closely as the crumbs from it fell onto his lap. He took a bit of the corner and closed his eyes as he took it all in. 

“So? Everything you expected it to be?” He smiled.

“Definitely not, but I like it!” He snapped the small snack in half, and handed you the piece he hasn't bitten.

“It's yours, I got it for you.”

“What's the point of having this experience if I can't share it with my girlfriend?”

 Girlfriend. He used it again. Maybe it wasn't a slip up after all. You grabbed the snack from his hands as he continued eating his half. You bit into yours as you thought. Nerves took over your body as you considered asking him about it. You were going to open your mouth to ask him when something hit your face.

“Hey!” you said as you looked at him.

“Where were you just now?” He asked. 

“Im here,” you picked up the little napkin ball he had thrown.” being assaulted with napkins.”

“Oh yeah, then what was I just saying?” You stared at him for a second as you tried not to laugh or smile.

“See, now c'mon tell me what's on your mind.” He said as he sat against the door a bit. You sighed as you positioned yourself in the car seat to face him.

“That's the second time you’ve said that today.” You told him as you took another bite.

“Called you what?” 

“Your girlfriend.” He tensed up as his smile dropped, and his eyes filled with worry. He clenched his jaw, and cleared his throat before asking.

“Do you…. Not want to be my girlfriend?” There was a hint of nervousness in his voice.

“No! I mean, yes. Well maybe I'm not sure, but I also meant no that's not what my issue is.” he relaxed only a little, but his shoulders were still tense.

“so , uh, what is the, um, issue?” 

“I just didn't think you wanted this to be a serious thing. I thought we were just going to try it out, and see where it goes before making anything official.”

“Is...is that what you wanna do?” He still sounded a bit nervous.

“I think. I would rather us try it out first. You know, go on a few dates. See if there's something here. I don’t wanna jump into this quickly, and end up getting hurt like the first time.” You said looking at him. He bit his lip, and looked around before speaking.

“I told you things would be different this time, and I wasn't lying. I almost lost you to some random guy in Bracca, and I don't want to risk that again. You mean more to me than Rey, or any other girl before. I never want to see you cry, and know I'm the reason behind it again.” 

 Why did that make you want to cry?

“I know that you may not be ready to do this. But whenever you are ready, I will be too. I'll be ready to give you the world, and everything in it. Whether it's a week, or a decade from now. Just know I will ask after every date though.” 

 You laughed as tears welled up in your eyes. Were you being stupid for wanting to wait? You loved him. He loved you. The two of you knew it, but you scared it would be like before. You knew it was best to wait a while before starting something like this. 

“So what were you saying before?” You asked as you wiped your eyes. He smiled.

“My gift absolutely sucks compared to yours, but when I saw them I thought you might like em.”

 He held the bag out to you, and you took it. The first thing you saw when you opened it was something green. When you took it out you realized it was a big T-rex plush. It had little button eyes, and a tab on its little hand that said ‘squeeze me’. You grabbed its little hand, and squeezed it, and listened as it growled, and roared. You smiled as you kept pressing it to listen to all the noises.

“I felt like you were more of a dinosaur kid, than a space kid.”

“I was most definitely a dinosaur kid, good call.” You laughed.

“There's something else in there.” He informed you. 

 You sat the plush in your lap, and looked in the bag. At the bottom was a key chain. You pulled it out, and saw it was a butterfly. More specifically a Blue Morpho butterfly with iridescent blue wings. You grabbed your bag, and dug your keys out to put it on your keys.

“I love them Ben! How could you think this gift wasn't as good as mine?” you asked.

He smiled as he watched you put your keys back in your bag. You squeezed the T-rex's hand again and smiled at the sound it made. 

“Alright I should probably get you home before my mom thinks we ran off together this time.” 

“Good idea. Han’s probably gathering a search party already.” 

  He laughed as he started the car. The park you had chosen wasn't too far from your house so it didn't take long before he pulled into the driveway. You looked into the windows, and saw the lights in the den were still on. Ben stopped the car, and looked at you. 

“So. What weird thing will you name your new friend?” He asked as he squeezed the plushies hand. It roared as you thought about it. 

“You know what. In honor of kitty. I think his name will be Bruce.” The two of you laughed as you thought of your earlier conversation about your poor cats real name. 

“I'm sure Kitty is somewhere proud that you named a toy after him.” 

“Oh shut up!” You threw Bruce at his chest and he caught it as he laughed. 

“Cmon, kid, I'll walk you to the door.” He said as he got out. 

“You don't have to.” You called out to him as you got your bag. He opened your door, and held a hand out to you. 

“Nah, nah, nah. I'm going to, and you can't say anything about it.” You smiled as you took his hand to get out.  

 He held your hand as he walked you to the front door. You two talked about Bruce, and you even jokingly called him your child. Ben laughed at your joke, and agreed that he could be his dad. You felt your face heat up at his words as you approached the door. You grabbed your keys, and unlocked the door, and noticed how your new keychain shined brighter in the light. You unlocked the door, and opened it a bit. 

“So I guess this is goodbye.” Ben said. 

“For now.” You responded as you opened the door a bit wider. 

“Oh thank the stars you are home I was getting worried.” You heard your grandfather say as he walked over. 

“Oh, Hello there, Ben!” He said as Ben came into his view

“Hey Obi-Wan. Sorry I got her home just now, we had a late dinner.” 

“It's not a problem,” He said to you. “Next time just message me you’ll be home a bit later so I  don't wait up for you.” 

“Won't happen again.” You promised as you hugged him. 

“Very well. Now if you don't mind I think I'll be going to bed now.” He said as he shuffled away. You, and Ben wished him goodnight as he walked away. Once he was gone Ben looked down at you. 

“So uh. What are my chances of getting a goodnight kiss?” He asked you with a smug grin. You rolled your eyes as he tried to lean against the door frame, but accidentally slipped off a bit, and he stumbled. You covered your mouth to stop yourself from dying of laughter as you watched his try to recover from his slip up. 

“Smooth move Han.” You teased. He smiled. 

“Alright, you just missed YOUR chance to get a goodnight kiss!” He said. You feigned despair, and dramatically gasped. 

“Oh no, whatever will I do now?” You both laughed at your little jokes, before you looked up at him. 

 You stood up on your tiptoes, and kissed his lips. This one was different from the ones you had shared before. This was gentle, and loving. Even though it wasn't as fiery as all the other, you still felt that same passion behind it. He smiled down at you before you pulled away from him. You stepped into the house, and put your stuff down. 

“Goodnight, kid.” He said as he walked away. 

“Night Ben.” You watched as he walked to his car. As dumb as it sounds, you wanted to make sure he got in safe. He unlocked the door, and put one foot in before he looked back at you. 

“One last question, Kenobi.” He called out. 

“Shoot.” You called back out to him. 

“Will you be my girlfriend?” He asked with a smile. You rolled your eyes again, and smiled.

“Better luck next time, space cowboy.” 

 You closed the front door, and jumped up and down in happiness.

#ben solo #ben solo fanfiction #teen!ben solo #ben solo x reader #ben skywalker #ben solo fanfic #ben solo x y/n #ben solo x you #ben solo x female reader #reader insert #Teen!Reader #kenobi!reader #reader insert fanfiction #star wars x reader #star wars #star wars fanfiction #Star Wars fanfic #star wars au #star wars tros #star wars tlj #star wars tfa #star wars the last jedi #star wars the force awakens #star wars the rise of skywalker #Han Solo #leia organa #Matt the radar technician #kylo ren #Luke Skywalker #Lando Calrissian

[revol-lover]

i know i have become a shit post queen but this site is a good place to just dump thoughts when i’m too lazy to actually write them down so don’t mind me. also i’m “ok enough”. like i’m not ok-ok but i’m not like badly not ok. 

ok? anyway.

so idk what it is. being raised by emotionally distant parents esp my mom or the depression thats probably also related to that but man i just feel so empty for such long periods of time. empty, or maybe detached is a better word. and just really really restless. and also that when i have good emotions, i dont feel them all that much. idk. sometimes i feel like i’m on the outside looking in on my life. i have a lot of feelings but then at the same time i dont. maybe because i repress a lot then it all builds up and explodes. idk. its awful though. 

i also feel like i have two very distinct sides to me. half of me is like fuck this shit i just want to self destruct but i wont because i’m too responsible to do that and the other half is like wow life is so interesting i am a spirit not a body and i want to be an enlightened being. neither of those sides of me is less me than the other. neither is a farce or anything but its fucking hard for those two sides of me to coexist. the only middle ground, which is probably like 1/3 of the time how i feel, is blah. neutral to absolutely everything.

and i think ive talked about this before but before the whole corona/quarantine thing i was at this extreme level of DONE with feeling isolated in my life, esp as a sahm. done with falling into the trap of believing being a mom was my whole identity (and its definitely a part of it, of course. but i think its unhealthy for moms to think its all we are) like i totally lost myself for a while. my daughters birth being traumatic and her having potential life long complications (and ‘potential’ meaning, her diagnosis is so complicated. theres never going to be a time where we get a real “all clear”. some kids have developed seizures again way down the road, especially at certain ages where kids go through a lot of development.) and then ofc just raising a child with all of that going on, plus normal toddler craziness, plus having a kid who is super hyper and smart and amazing but parenting after having a difficult relationship with your own mother is one of those things that is really hard and not talked about enough. i never feel like im doing enough. i never feel like she likes me.i know thats so stupid but i really am that insecure about my parenting, no matter how hard i try. i just want my child to love me and sometimes toddlers do things that make you feel like crap (ex ‘i dont want u mom i want daddy!’ and i can rationalize it, dad’s the exclusive parent. i’m just here all the time like the furniture. i get it.) and its just a big complicated thing with my emotions. not what i was trying to say tho i got off track.

anyway the isolation thing. so i had a plan. a plan!!! i have this one awesome long time friend, honestly my only friend outside of my husband who knows me like the good bad and ugly, has known me for a very long time, and has been there for me through some really tough shit. he’s like the brother i never had, truly. (i have a biological brother but we dont really talk.) so i talked to him about things i was going through and he’s also been going through a challenging time in his life and he told me he’d help me get out there. we were going to force me to learn to socialize and make friends in “real life” by putting me in those situations. we were going to go to some poetry club. a show downtown. like i was ready. then corona happened. and my already crawling out of my skin isolation got worse because hey we cant do anything now, not even see my one friend. 

so yeah. i was fine in the beginning of all this because i figured, hey by may itll be over! then hey by june! then maybe 4th of july. which has become, my daughter is so excited about her birthday party in august and i dont even know if i can throw her one and i dont know how to deal with this or explain it to her.

i know this is major first world problems and im all over the place and i document this dumb shit because i hope one day i’ll be so far past it and be able to look back and think well wow i made it through 2020  but yeah idk

i think part of it is i’m turning 27 in two weeks and my saturn return thing is just getting so close and i’m starting to see the beginning of shit in my life crumbling underneath me. like i know what i gotta do. i  have to put myself out there. i have to get out of my safety zone. and i have to use my gifts to help others not just sit here drowning in my self pity but obviously its hard to challenge yourself and put yourself out there, literally, during a pandemic. 

and the last point which is just something that boggles my mind about myself that i dont understand. like i’m definitely depressed. i have very bad anxiety too. and even though i can be extremely self pitying and go into like a black hole of sadness, i still dont let myself do bad things. which is good, obviously. but its iike i’ve been recovered from self injury for probably about ten years but some days i am so deep in my shitty feelings or empty feelings that i just want to do it again but i cant. theres something in me that wont let me. and i guess im glad for that, obviously. i guess my life/universe/guardian angel is trying to force me to face shit for real and not just have shitty coping mechanisms but idk. like it was a bad outlet but idk. sometimes, just sometimes, i feel like it did more for me than just writing things out. which is bullshit because it did nothing for me except give me a bunch little permanent reminders of shitty times. but idk. that’s my brain for you. sometimes i want to just let it all go and be a mess in my feelings and not care if i’m ok but then my brain is like nope bitch you cant do that. youre not 17 anymore, get up.

and i know some people would read this (well no - no one would read all this lmao but in a theoretical sense) and think like, oh did you try therapy or oh maybe try meds and the thing is 

therapy - i tried it. i liked the idea of it. bad fit with the therapist tho. didnt like being kicked out after 45 min (which i understand but bitch i need more than that to explain one problem) and it felt weird to be told by her, that she felt like i had a good handle on things. cause i dont really feel that way and i feel like she didnt have much to tell me  in terms of how to idk fix myself besides journaling, which i’ll give her. it helps

meds: i i dont really want to go that route yet because my body is really sensitive to medication. like i dont even take bc or anything like that. however i think ive decided that since its super legal and obtainable i might try pot once we are able to move into our own place. so if anyone did actually read this far and have experience with that (esp w anxiety) please enlighten me. i had some samples of some cbd stuff and it was amazing for my anxiety but it’s way too expensive for me to use consistently.

this has been a very long shit post but i feel better so theres that.

[mischiefandspirits]

Iron Legion (22/?)

Never let it be said that Tony Stark ever does things by half. He might have grown up with little family, but he wasn’t about to keep it that way.

Tony Stark was seventeen when his first child was born, and that was just the beginning.

For Masterpost, Timeline, AO3, and Fanfiction

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Web-Warriors, Part 1

Tony Stark was forty-one when his eleventh child was born.

“That was awesome! Is it always like that?”

“Nope. Usually they have normal guns,” Peter chuckled, creeping down the wall of his apartment complex to his window.

“Master Peter, might I remind you -”

“I know, I know, Jay. I’ll give Dad a call as soon as we’re inside.”

“You really need to figure out how not to lose your clothes in dark allies,” Harley snickered as Peter reached his window.

“Maybe I should make a backpack with retro-reflective panels,” Peter chuckled sarcastically as he pulled the glass up.

“Why not?”

“Wouldn’t that be really heavy, even just considering the panels?” Peter pointed out as he climbed inside and pulled off the mask. He waited until Droney was inside then closed the window with his foot.

“Not for you, and that would just make it harder for someone to steal it.”

“That’s true, I guess. Well, it couldn’t hurt to give it a look. Can you add it to the list for this weekend, Jay?” Peter asked as he released his grip on the ceiling and dropped to the ground. “Is Neb-”

“Holy shit!” Harley yelped as Jay said, “Master Peter, turn around.”

Something smashed to the ground behind him.

Peter spun around to see Ned sitting on his bed, the LEGO Death Star in pieces at his feet.

“Busted,” Harley muttered.

“Jay, end call,” Peter said, staring at his friend.

“Wai-”

The two watched each other for a moment.

“You’re the Spider-Man, from YouTube.”

“I’m not. I’m not.” It occurred to Peter he was still wearing the suit and he slapped the release, letting it fall down so he could kick it away.

“You were on the ceiling!” he said, pointing up.

“No, I wasn’t. Ned, what are you doing here? How did you get in?”

“I used the spare key you gave me.”

Peter sucked in a breath as Droney turned to him.

“There is no record of a sp-”

“Droney, shut down.” The drone gave a chirp and landed on his desk as he whispered, “Oh, I am so dead.”

“Peter, you better be home,” Nebs called as the sound of the front door opening and closing echoed through the apartment.

His eyes widened and he grabbed Ned’s shoulders. “Don’t tell her you know!”

Ned put his hands on his head, grabbing at his hair. “Oh my God, dude,” he said, thankfully in a whisper. “You’re -”

“Peter? Peter, I swear you better be in there or else I’m setting that stupid suit on fire.” Nebs threw his door open, the anger fading to a blank look when she spotted him. She looked him up and down, glanced at Ned, then turned away. “I don’t want to know.”

Peter turned to Ned, who shrugged. He glanced down…

And blushed when he remembered he was only wearing his boxers.

“Wait, Nebs!”

“No. This is not what I signed up for. Put some clothes on. I’m ordering in. Is your boyfriend staying for dinner?”

“H-he’s not my boyfriend!”

“Does he want Thai? Ned, Thai?”

“Sure?” Ned said, voice faltering when Peter shook his head. “What? Doesn’t she know?”

Peter shushed him and scrambled to shut the door. “Yes,” he hissed quietly and grabbed his sweater. “But she cannot find out you know. She’d kill me! You can’t say anything to anyone! Come on, Ned, please!”

“Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I’ll level with you… I don’t think I can keep this a secret. This is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, Peter!”

“Ned! You know how she is when she’s mad. And if she tells Mr. Stark, he’ll take the suit back and…” And oh man, Dad would never let him be Spider-Man again. Maybe he’d even pull him out of school! No more Ned or Michelle or Liz or -

“Mr. Stark? As in Tony Stark?” Ned gasped, his loudening voice snapping Peter out of his panic. He hushed his friend and Ned continued at a whisper. “Did Tony Stark make your suit? Are you an Avenger?”

Peter hesitated, then shrugged. “Yeah, basically.”

“Whoa.”

“Ned, seriously -”

“PETER!”

The two boys jumped at Nebs’ yell.

“Don’t say anything,” Peter hissed before leaving the room. “Yeah, Nebs?”

She gave him a scowl. “Harley just texted me.”

See if I ever bring him on patrol again, Peter barely had a chance to think before she set into him.

“How could you let someone find out?”

“It’s just Ned! And I didn’t mean for it to happen! It was an accident! I forgot we were going to hang out tonight!”

“What is he even doing here? How did he get in?”

Peter fidgeted with the cuff of his sweater. “I gave him a spare key.”

“PETER!”

“You know I forget mine sometimes, so it’s just for when you’re out of town and that happens. It’s no big deal, it’s just Ned.”

Nebs rubbed her thumb against the side of her neck, a calming practice for her species. “You can’t just hand out spare keys, Peter. It’s a security risk. You know that.”

“It’s just Ned,” Peter repeated.

She glared at him, then lifted her gaze to something behind him. “Privacy.”

“Yep, yeah, cool, sorry!” Ned yelped then Peter heard his door close.

“Peter, I’m glad you have your friend, but you need to be more careful,” she said in a whisper so quiet he was sure Ned wouldn’t have heard even if he’d been standing next to Peter. “If someone were to learn about either of our connections to Father -”

“I know,” he said in a slightly louder whisper, knowing her enhanced hearing wasn’t as good as his own. “But it’s just Ned. He would never do anything to us.”

“But he could lose the key, or it could be stolen. We need to keep track of every copy that exists.”

“It’s just a key. It’s not like people couldn’t pick a lock if they wanted to get to us. It’s not like I gave him the codes to disable the security system.”

“And yet here he is,” Nebs said pointedly. “Inside when no one was home.”

“It’s Ned! Ned can have clearance. He’s not going to do anything!”

“That’s not the -” Nebs pressed her thumb firmly against her neck. “Ugh, we’ll come back to that. He knows you’re Spider-Man.”

“Yeah.” Peter glanced back at his door, shifting his weight from side to side. “How long until Dad knows?”

“Harley included Father in the group text. Uncle Happy is on his way to pick the three of us up.”

Harley better watch his back. “What’s going to happen? Is Dad going to take me out of school? Am I not going to be able to see Ned anymore? Oh man, what if he makes Ned forget I’m Spider-Man?” Peter gasped. “What if he neuralyzes Ned and makes him forget he even knows me!?”

Nebs slapped her hand over his mouth. “You watch way too many movies and overestimate Father’s abilities. He doesn’t have a Neuralyzer.”

Peter pushed her hand away. “Are you suggesting he couldn’t make a Neuralyzer?”

“Don’t challenge him to make one, please,” she groaned. “Father does not need a Neuralyzer.”

He chuckled for a second before the worry set back in. “So what’s he going to do? Will -”

She shoved her phone into his hand. “Stop panicking and just ask him yourself.”

Peter nodded and read through the group text.

Brat:

Sad: I’m surprised it took this long

👑Queen👑: What happened?

Man-Child: Who is that

👑Queen👑: Ned

Man-Child: Who

Sad: Ted

Man-Child: 😞Haps go pick up the kids

Sad: Already on my way

👑Queen👑: What happened?

Brat: Pete climbed in through the window and he was there

Sad: So how to get inside the dealership be home yet and she wouldn’t let him in Peter‘s room

Brat: If your asking how he got in the room, I have no idea

👑Queen👑: Just focus on driving, Happy

Man-Child: Reming me to look over the dictation for the phones later

Man-Child: How’d you know about this anyways

Me: I’m home now. I can’t promise Peter will be alive long enough for Uncle Happy to get here.

Brat: Pete took me on patrol with him

Sad: i’m almost there so don’t kill him yet

Brat: It was pretty boring until he nearly got blown up

👑Queen👑: What?

Man-Child: He WHAT!?!?!???!!??!?

Peter’s eyes widened and he quickly texted the group.

Me: I did NOT nearly get blown up!!!!!!!

Man-Child: Pete wth!?!?!!?

Brat: Did too

Me: That’s not what happened!!!!!

Me: Shut up you trailer!!!!!

Man-Child: What happened!?!!??!?

Brat: Trailer

Me: I went to stop an atm robbery and the guys had some high tech weapons

Me: Delmars got blown up not me

Me: I was gonna call you as soon as I got home

Me: But then Ned

Brat: He also ran into the burning building

Me: 😠

Me: I had to save mr delmar and Murph

Me: I’m perfectly fine

Brat: And what about when that guy threw you against the ceiling

Me: IM FINE!!!!!

Me: Get out!!!!!!

Brat: It’s my group text

Brat: You get out!!!!

👑Queen👑: Boys, be nice

Brat:

Man-Child: Were talking about this more when you get here

Me: 🙁I know

👑Queen👑: Peter, are you really okay?

Me: I’m fine. Promise mom

🤖: Are these weapons something we should look into?

Man-Child: I’ll check the footage, but we’ll probably just alert the fbi

Me: So whats going to happen with Ned

“Uncle Happy’s here,” Nebs said, coming over from the window.

Sad: i’m here hurry up

Man-Child: Well talk when you get here

Me: Ok on our way

“I’ll go grab Ned,” Peter sighed, giving her her phone back.

“Don’t forget pants.”

Blushing, he went back to his room and opened the door. “… Hey Ned.”

“… Hey.”

The two stared at each other.

“How’d it go with Nebula?”

“Why are you wearing my mask?”

It was weird to watch the mask’s eyes blink, Peter had to admit.

Ned shrugged.

“Peter!” Nebs called.

“We need to go,” Peter said, grabbing a pair of pants and putting them on.

“Where are we going?” Ned asked as he hopped up and came over.

“Stark Tower.” Peter grabbed a duffle bag and shoved his suit inside.

“No way, really?”

Peter nodded, then nearly dumped the suit back out as Ned slammed into his back.

“This is the best day of my life,” he said as he hugged his best friend with enough force that Peter was thankful for the enhanced durability.

The boys pulled apart and did their handshake.

“Come on, let’s go before Nebs comes in to yell at me more.”

Ned pulled off the mask to reveal his wide smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter and Nebula were being way too calm about this, Ned felt.

They were being driven by Tony Stark’s personal driver in Tony Stark’s car to Tony Stark’s tower to meet Tony Stark!

Now, Ned knew his family was well off, but they weren’t private driver well off and they definitely weren’t Tony Stark well off. And Peter… Well, Peter was a scholarship kid, and though Ned would never judge him for it, it did mean he thought Peter and Nebula should at least be freaking out as much as him.

“How many times have you done this?” Ned whispered.

“Had someone find out?” Peter answered, not whispering back. “Well, Mr. Stark found out, obviously, and he told Nebs, but that’s it.”

“No, I mean riding in one of Tony Stark’s cars.”

Peter’s nose scrunched up. “Dude, don’t say his name like that.”

“But he’s Tony Stark!”

Nebula snorted. “You didn’t say you’d made friends with a fan.”

“Who wouldn’t be a fan of Tony Stark?”

Nebula muttered something in Italian and Peter snickered, shoving her.

“Mr. Stark is cool, but he’s not…” Peter flailed as he searched for the words.

“Dr. Banner?” Nebula suggested with a smirk.

“I outgrew that years ago and you know it!” Peter hissed, blushing. Turning back to Ned, he said, “Just stay calm.”

“Calm? Dude, I’m pretty sure I’m dreaming! This is so cool!”

Peter whined and put his face in his hands, only coming up for air when his phone went off. Ned peaked over his shoulder to see his texts.

Casta-net: TFW your girl finds out about your side chick

Me: Who told you

Casta-net: Who do you think?

Me: I’m going to kill Harley

Casta-net: Wish I was in the country

Casta-net: I wanna see who’s more embarrassing, Re or Nedward

Casta-net: Before you finish, yes it is possible for Re to be embarrassing

Me: He’s literally iron man joe

Casta-net: He’s literally Iron Nerd

Casta-net: You and Plates are just too blinded by love to see how much of a dork he is

Casta-net: Then again you both are major dorks too so birds of a feather

“Who are you texting?” Ned asked.

Nebula grabbed his chin and turned his head. “Your friend is way too nosy. How did you manage to keep your secret this long?”

“Leave him alone, Nebs.” He pushed her hand away from Ned as he shoved his phone back into his pocket.

Only to pull it back out a second later when he got another text.

Chicken: Pete!!!!

Chicken: Haley says you got busted by your bf

Merida: Haley

Chicken: Shut up Lila

No, I’m Texas!: Haley

Brain: Haley.

Me: Haley

Me: Also, don’t call him my bf Cooper

Brain: He’s right. It makes it sound like they’re dating. And we all know he’s likes that Elizabeth girl.

Me: Who let this child in here?

Brain: I’m smarter than all of you combined, Peter.

Merida:

Me: You wanna go Cho!?!?!?

Me: I studied with Bruce Banner I ain’t afraid of an eight year old!!!!!!!

Brain: I’m ten, and I studied with my mom! I can take you!

Chicken: You two don’t even do the same type of science!!!!!

Chicken: Now shut up and give us details!!!

Chicken: What’s going on with Ned?

Me: Don’t do the same type of science… can you believe this guy?

Brain: 평민

Chicken: PETER!!!!

Merida: You’re both pretty now what happened?

Me: Nothing happened

Me: Ned just came in my room at the wrong time and found out about my connection to Mr. Stark

Chicken: What’s Stark going to do to him?

No, I’m Texas!: Nothi my?

No, I’m Texas!: Nothing! Shit!

Merida: Nothi my?

Me: Nothi my?

Chicken: Nothi my?

Brain: Nothi my?

Nubs: Don’t curse in front of the children, Harley.

No, I’m Texas!: How the heck!?

Merida: Wait, who are the children??????

Nubs: I’m hacked into your and Peter’s phones. Amadeus, Cooper, and Peter are the children.

Merida: Nice

Chicken: I’d say something, but I’m honestly kind of scared of you Peter’s sister

Nubs: As you should be. Off your phone, Peter. We’re here.

Ned and Peter both looked up just as they disappeared into the underground garage.

“Noooo! I missed seeing the tower!” Ned groaned.

“Maybe if you weren’t snooping you would have seen it,” Nebs pointed out, giving Peter a look.

“Who were you talking to?” Ned asked.

“Just some friends I made while working with Mr. Stark,” he said nervously with a shrug.

“Are they Avengers too!? Do you all hang out?”

“Peter’s not an Avenger,” Nebula said, opening the door and getting out.

“I’m sort of an Avenger,” Peter said, following her.

“No, you’re not. End of discussion.”

Peter pouted at her before returning to Ned. “No, they’re not Avengers. Joe, Jocasta, works for SI and so does Amadeus’s mom and Harley’s dad. Lila and Cooper’s dad used to work here too, but he left.”

“Do they know you’re Spider-Man?” Ned asked as the four of them climbed into the elevator.

“Only Harley and Joe. Harley’s dad is super high up and Joe works security sometimes. Lila, Cooper, and Amadeus just think I intern with Mr. Stark.”

Ned nodded, glancing around the elevator. His eyes widened as he realized something. “Wait, did you say you studied with Bruce Banner!?”

“Uh, yeah,” Peter glanced at Nebula and the driver (who was still with them, kind of weird) nervously. “Um, Mr. Stark kind of introduced me to him.”

“Cool!” Ned said, but something nagged at him.

When did Dr. Banner leave again?

“Oh good, I’m not running late?”

Ned blinked and looked over at the woman getting into the elevator with them.

Pepper Potts smiled and held out her hand. “Ned, right? Peter’s told us so much about you.”

Ned stared at her for a moment before shaking his head. “Ms. Potts, it’s an honor to meet you, really, but I’m pretty sure our classmate Michelle would legitimately kill me if she knew I had shaken your hand before she’d even gotten a chance to meet you so I’m not going to do that.”

Peter groaned as Ms. Potts dropped her hand.

“Peter’s friends are fans,” Nebula said blankly.

“I see,” Ms. Potts said with amusement. “Well, it’s nice to meet you all the same Ned. Please call me Pepper.”

“Oh my God,” Ned whispered as Ms. Potts, Nebula, and the driver stepped out of the elevator.

“Cool it,” Peter whispered, elbowing him.

“Do that harder, I think I’m dreaming,” Ned joked, then groaned when Peter did just that. “Okay, ow, not dreaming. You didn’t have to do it that hard.”

Peter went pale. “Sorry, are you okay? Did I hurt something?”

Ned frowned, then remembered Peter had super strength and could probably really hurt him on accident. “It’s fine, just a bit harder than I was expecting,” he said, stepping out of the elevator. He barely noticed Peter’s sigh of relief as he spotted a familiar face sitting in the penthouse. “What’s your uncle doing here?”

“Uncle?” Peter asked then groaned. “Does everyone have to be here?”

“Yes,” Nebula said, sitting down on the couch.

“No,” the driver said, heading towards a hallway. “I’ve seen the kid make a fool of himself enough for one day.”

“Would you like me to leave?” Vittore asked, looking uncertain. “I didn’t realize my being here would be disagreeable.”

Peter immediately started shaking his head. “You’re fine, Vi, just… a lot going on today. How’ve you been?”

“Fine, I’ve just been doing… research on some things.”

“Oh, on what?”

Vittore frowned and looked around. “Where’s Mr. Stark?”

“Sir will be up shortly. He was waylaid by a group from R&D.”

Ned jumped and looked around. “Who was that?”

“J.A.R.V.I.S. An AI created by Tony. He runs the tower,” Ms. Potts explained, gesturing at the couches.

“He and Vi are the only pure ones in this place,” Peter muttered to him as they sat down.

“Excuse me!” Ned jumped as a young woman appeared right in front of them, her arms crossed as she glared down at Peter. “What about me?”

“Remember that month where you made it so that anyone who said the word Stark inside the tower got Rickrolled.”

“That was your idea!”

“Yeah, but you actually did it.”

“That was you two?” Ms. Potts said, glaring at them.

They immediately pointed at each other.

“Fri was the one that did it! I just said it would be funny!”

“Baby-Bro told me to do it!”

Ned frowned as everyone but he and the new woman flinched and Nebula hissed, “F.R.I.D.A.Y.!”

“Baby-Bro?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Word of warning: I might not post next week or the week after. Something came up so I'm moving. I'll try to post, but no promises.

I decided to use Vittore Shade instead of Victor Shade for Vision since I already had Victoria for Tori.

#sm: homecoming #peter parker #nebula #ned leeds #iron family

[lexosaurus]

Do you ever feel lonely being asexual? I feel like none of my friends understand what it's like and it's so isolating and terrifying and I feel do broken. Have you ever felt this way? How do you handle it? Sorry if this is too personal.

Hey anon! I hope you’re okay! I also hope you’re ready for a long post because that’s what this turned out to be!

Firstly, you are NOT alone. I think every ace feels this way at somepoint or another. It’s super common, especially since there really aren’t many out-aces, there’s virtually no actually helpful resources out there for aces, and most people legit have never heard of asexuality or believe it to be something that can be cured either through sexual acts or medication. The fact of the matter is, that being asexual is very much an isolating experience and it can be really really hard to become comfortable with.

For me, I grew up in a conservative town in a liberal state. So while no one was outwardly aggressive towards lgbt people which gave me a false sense of security, coming out was ROUGH. I lost all of my friends to the point where in highschool I wasn’t allowed in a party that everyone else in my grade went to, I got in a massive fight with my mom and ended up having to move out for a few weeks (don’t worry, we’re super close now), and I ended up going back in the closet which only ended up with me being coerced into having sex a bunch until I finally reached my breaking point. I realized I had to figure this out or I was gonna lose it.

Moving away from that environment was probably one of the main ways that I was able to start feeling okay. I moved to a nearby city, dropped all my old friends, made new ones, joined new activities, etc etc. I made sure my new friends knew I was ace pretty much right away, but I didn’t really talk about it past the casual, “Yeah, I’m asexual. I’ll date anyone but I won’t have sex with anyone. It hurts my body and I don’t like it.” and then that was it. I mean, I answered the inevitable questions that followed as if no, they weren’t dumb questions or invasive, even if maybe deep down I thought they were. But other than that it was just a casual mention, made sure they were chill with it, and then moved on.

And knowing that my friends were totally 100% okay with me being ace was like the best thing ever. They don’t UNDERSTAND being asexual on a deep level, (not even now after 3 years of living together), but I don’t understand how their sexualities function on that deep level either. It’s a two way street. And sometimes with people I’ll even ask them, “Okay but how do you KNOW that you like like someone like that?” and then they’ll have to take a step back and be like, “Oh shit, I guess it’s just innate. Oh damn I’ve never thought about this. Huh. Wtf.” You know, just showing curiosity in their feelings and showing that it’s okay to ask “obvious” questions really does a lot.

But tbh, my friends and I now will talk music or memes way before we’ll talk lgbt stuff. And half my friends are lgbt too. I just chose new friends who I connected and related to on deep levels that had nothing to do with sexuality at all.

The second big thing I did, and this is gonna sound counter-productive, was I unfollowed every ace-centered blog on Tumblr. No joke. I went through my followers and unfollowed EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. I found that a lot of ace blogs, even ace-positive blogs, made me feel good for a second when I saw those ace-positive posts, but in the long run they ended up being really detrimental. Thinking about asexuality like something that needs constant validation is not healthy, no matter how positively it’s presented.

I was in a place where being asexual wasn’t normal in my head and I needed to normalize it, not validate it. Because validating asexuality comes AFTER normalizing it, not the other way around. So I needed to not constantly think about it or read about it or see it all the time. I needed to just watch it casually in modern media (aka watch Bojack Horseman and Saiki K on Netflix), talk about it with REAL PEOPLE irl in casual conversation occasionally, and just in general start looking at it like something as normal and mundane as my brown hair or dark eyes. Asexuality isn’t special, it’s not cool, it’s not sad either, it’s just another normal thing that contributes to me as a person.

So now when a follower reblogs an ace-positive post, I feel good. Like truly good. Not that fleeting good that will disappear in 30 secs and remind me that “oh yeah, there are a lot of people out there that hate aces.” I just get an occasional reminder that, “Oh yeah! I’m ace! Nice! I’m dope af!” 

But being asexual isn’t like in my “top 5 qualities” list. I don’t write my bios and put my asexuality at the top of my “about me.” In fact, I don’t even think i wrote that im asexual in my about me on tumblr lol. It’s not that I don’t like asexuality, it’s just so normal to me I’m just kinda like “oh yeah im ace. i have dark eyes. and 10 fingers. surprise! Okay now back to the good stuff…”

Also, a bit of a sidetrack, but that “everyone’s valid” culture on tumblr is actually super toxic and not good. And so getting away from that is v helpful to your mental health.

The last thing that I did that helped me a lot was actually a bit of a coincidence but I met a girl irl who was my coworker who happened to be asexual too. We worked together for like a year, we totally vibed and started hanging out together a ton, and then one day out of the blue she was like “yeah I’m pretty sure I’m ace too.” It was super dope and just having that one person that I could relate to like that who I also truly enjoyed hanging out with was like a breath of fresh air.

Finding a fellow ace irl that you vibe with can be tough. She wasn’t the first ace that I’d met, but I tend to be a rather blunt person and the previous aces I’d met were all through my school’s lgbt club and they tended to be,,,sensitive,,,(told me i was ableist because I talk loudly and my loud voice was insensitive to their sensory disorders like bitch i’ve got hearing problems i can’t solve but you CAN buy earplugs so lol thank u next byeee),,,BUT I DIGRESS, chill aces are hard to find but finding that one person is so nice. But I should say I was pretty much comfortable with being ace at that point. That was kind of the cherry on top. So if this isn’t available to you, which it doesn’t sound like it is, that’s okay. There are other things you can do in the meantime.

Also, I do have to add that much of the phandom happens to be asexual. Idk how that happened but it did.  So if you ever wanna talk ace-things, I’m sure so many people on here would be DOWN to talk ace stuff. I’ve done it before, it’s fun. They’re all rlly nice.

So yeah that was pretty much how I got from a place where I was so defeated about being ace from pretty much everyone around me to now I’m totally comfortable and normal with it to the point where I have turned several homophobes into lgbt-supporters because “fuck, Lexx is so chill and we vibe so hard but she’s lgbt??? i really like her as a person but she’s bi and ace??? hhhhhh,..,,,,i guess lgbt people are cool idk man ya wow ok.” (Legit one of these homophobes sent me screenshots a few months back where some kid was calling me a slur like on instagram or something and he was like “What, you mad cuz she won’t sleep with you? Get a life.” it was sweet 😊)

#ask #asexuality

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Of Farms Fairs & Fame (Part 10)

He found her sitting by herself just on the outskirts of the fair where the music reached only faintly. Not that he expected her to have company. If anything she was probably trying to avoid Mai, Zuko, her father, and anyone else who would want to offer solace. He knew this and he almost felt bad intruding.

He didn’t know how to approach her, not when she was like this. In fact he couldn’t remember the last time he saw her sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest and a somber and withdrawn expression on her face. He noted that her guitar was wedged between her legs and her chest, so that she was practically slumped over it.

He didn’t know how to approach her so he didn’t.

Instead he retreated back onto the fairgrounds, where they were probably beginning to sample the cooking contest entries.

.oOo.

Azula carelessly plucked at the strings of her guitar. She had, had a perfectly good chance and she just went and let it go. A sudden urge to throw the guitar, to smash it until it splintered, overtook her. She squeezed her eyes shut and waited for the impulse to pass. She curled her fists into the grass and gritted her teeth. She could hear the incessant chirping of crickets interrupted only by the howl of a dog somewhere in town.

The urge didn’t want to pass so she mustered all of her self control and set her guitar down next to her. In that moment she hated herself. She couldn’t remember the last time she had choked up like that. She was almost certain that, that was the first time she had ever done so.

She heard a crunch behind her but she didn’t lift her head. If anyone was there, she’d let them approach her. But no one came to sit next to her. Not for a good long while. She sat there for an hour or so, looking at a glittering web of stars. She didn’t notice when Sokka dropped himself down next her until he said, “what happened up there?”

“I didn’t have a song prepared.”

“But y’all said…”

“I had one but I ain’t want to sing it.” She paused. “It weren’t that important anyways.”

“Ain’t important? It meant everythin’ to ya.”

“It can’t have been that important if I ran off the stage.” She muttered. “If I really wanted to be a singer so bad, I woulda done it… it ain’t that important.”

“Or maybe y’all went ‘n ran ‘cause it were the most important thing ‘n u wanted ta start it right.” Sokka countered.

“Now that ain’t make a whole lotta sense.” Azula rolled her eyes.

“Sure it does. Point is, it’s important to ya.”

It didn’t really matter if it was important to her. Whether it was or wasn’t, wouldn’t change that she had fled her own performance. She hadn’t even given herself a chance. She still couldn’t decide what would have been worse, doing as she had or standing on stage and breaking into tears in front of everyone because she could barely stomach talking about Ursa, much less singing about her. Somehow she thought that running was worse. At least if she went and cried, her voice would have been heard, there would have been power and emotion to the music. But, lord did she had the prospect of vulnerability.

“Hey, ya don’ need ta be sad. I went and got ya somethin’.”

“I ain’t want no more pie, Sokka. And I ain’t want ‘the popped corn’ neither.”

“This is better than food.” Sokka declared. She watched him reach into a little box, wondering how she hadn’t noticed that before.

“Sokka, what’s in there?” She asked upon seeing him pull out something wrapped in a bundle of blankets. Without answering he placed the bundle in her arms. She was about to hand it back when it wiggled. “Sokka…?”

“Unwrap it.”

Having enough hesitation for one night, Azula unfolds the blanket. “You didn’t.”

“I done did!” He replied proudly.

A little pink head peeked up at her. “It ain’t the same one.”

“Sure it is.” Sokka smiled. “You liked ‘im a lot ‘n I figered he might make ya feel better.”

Azula cradled the piglet at her bosom and looked over at Sokka. “How’d you get ‘im?”

“Ma ‘n Kat won. I used some a the prize money.”

“Sokka!” Azula scolded. “Wha’d I tell you ‘bout that?”

“Don’ worry ‘bout it. I tol’ you, we jus’ needed a lil’ extra cash to git the farm goin’ again. We got more then anuff now.” He promised. “So ya better enjoy yer piggy ‘cause he already likes ya.”

Azula rubbed her pointer on his teeny head and smiled. “He’s so small. I ain’t never see a pig so small.”

“Well then yer a good match fer each other. ‘Cause I ain’t never seen someone small as y’all.”

.oOo.

The half-glare, half-pout she shot him made him chuckle. But he didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. She always had been the shortest one in class. “What are ya gonna name ‘im?”

“I can name ‘im Aang, so Zuko can finally catch ‘im.”

“Are they still playin’ that game a tag?”

“I ain’t think they’ll ever stop. Not ‘til Zuko wins. So...they’ll be playin’ fer a good long time.” Azula replied.

A sense of accomplishment befell Sokka because she was joking and smiling again. He could tell that she still wasn’t entirely happy, but she wasn’t so withdrawn either. “How ‘bout ya name ‘im Runt.”

“That’s just ‘bout the most unoriginal thing I ever hear.” Azula rejected. “His name is gonna be Spade.”

“That’s a lil’ sinister don’ ya think?”

“‘Sactly. It’s ironic ‘cause he’s so small.”

Sokka cocked his head.

“It’s okay, you can laugh, it’s funny.”

“Y’all have a weird sense a humor, ‘Zula.”

“‘N you have a weird sense of literally everythin’ else.” Azula shrugged.

“That’s fine with me.” Sokka said. No sooner than the conversation dropped did the sorrow creep back onto Azula’s face. He had to keep her from thinking too much about it. He tried to recall how he consoled her when they were just kids.

.oOo.

Azula held Spade at eye level, watching him kick his teeny legs as though he’d be going somewhere. Watching the display, she could almost pretend like it was just a regular night. That TyLee wasn’t in the hospital and she still had time to prepare a song.  She lowered Spade back into her lap and wrapped him up in the blankets. She didn’t speak again until he was nestled in her lap and sleeping. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Sure I did.” Sokka insisted, setting a hand between her shoulder blades. “Y’all helped my mom ‘n I so much. I just wanna do somethin’ nice fer ya.”

She was quiet for another heartbeat. “Jus’ you bein’ here is plenty anuff.” The way she’d spoken it left her wondering about the weight of her own words. Her belly fluttered, just what had she admitted? She sighed to herself, she was overthinking again. Of course him being there was enough, he was her closest friend.

But then he leaned in and wrapped his arms around he. Again, she found herself getting jittery. And for what? It wasn’t like he hadn’t done anything like that before. He’d hugged her a ton of times during their playdates. Hell, he’d kissed her in days when spreading cooties was a fear sweeping the third grade.

It was innocent.

But this time his embrace lingered.

Or maybe she was imagining it.  

She had to be, because he pulled away, just like normal.

“Promise me that yer gonna keep writin’ songs.”

“Of course, I’m gonna keep writin’.”

“‘N singin’ ‘em?”

“‘N singin’ ‘em.” Azula confirmed. She couldn’t stop herself even if she tried.

“Good, ‘cause it ain’t like y’all ta give up so quick.”

This whole fair business. It was embarrassing and it did hefty damage to her ego. But like hell she’d give up. Sokka was right, it wasn’t in her blood to do so. A break, however wouldn’t be so bad. She had come to conclude that she simply couldn’t force a good song onto the paper. No, she’d let the lyrics come to her.

“Thanks for all a this?” Azula stated softly.

He leaned in again and Azula opened her arms for another hug. And he followed through. He followed through, but with an addition. It took her a surprised but giddy look from Sokka for her to realize that it was she who kissed him. Albeit, the kiss was on his forehead, but it was a kiss.

#Avatar #Azula #Sokka #Sokkla #Fanfiction

[imakemyownworld]

When The Party’s Over pt.2

Part One

This is longish.

It is only a second part and Im setting some foundations for the fic therefore there’s not much of Ethan here but more of my (Bellas) struggles and relationship with Lucas. Somewhere in the middle of this I realised it was half biographical. I always had the strong urge to write about my own life and experiences as I never talk about them (as Bella) irl. I promise the next part will be all about E. :)

Also, if you do read this, please give me some critiques. I know it’s not nearly perfect and I would love to get some feedback. I just recently made this tumblr after being a fan of Gray and E for a good while now and I’m so happy I did. All the people I see here seem so genuinely interesting, funny, creative and nice. Thank you ! xx

Exactly one week has passed since I last saw Ethan. He sent me some messages but I didn't reply, I knew he was busy making a video and that he is going home tomorrow to visit his family for Thanksgiving. My family group chat was going crazy though. My sister who is living in Europe couldn’t book a flight and I wasn't replying to any messages. I just couldn't find the strength to do so, so I figured I'll just show up tomorrow morning, get through the weekend and come back.

I spent the rest of the day studying and scrolling through every possible social network then went to sleep ignoring every text I got.

I'm there in an hour. Xx I texted the group chat as I sat down in my car and turned the engine on. I skimmed through other messages. Ethan was complaining about something Grayson did and Ivy had boy issues. Did I want to see a text from Lucas? Sure, but I never expected one. It's Thanksgiving and everyone is with their families.

I met Lucas two years ago at a film festival in Los Angeles. I was there because I love cinema and Ethan managed to get me some tickets and Lucas was studying film at university near by. At that time I was probably at worst with my depression and anxiety as I just started taking classes at my university. He asked Ivy and me if we wanted to go to the after party and we didn't think twice about it. I never thought I would be someone who does drugs, I was always strongly against it. But he made it seem so normal. He was handsome, to me. He was skinny and every shirt was too big for him. Later I realised those shirts were fine before, but he lost weight. Still, there was something about him. He was mysterious, he loved photography and he talked about movies non stop. He acted cool but I could tell how passionate he is about things he loves. Both of us had something dark in us but neither one of us wanted to talk about it and we understood that about each other. From the moment we met and our friends started hanging out each other everybody already thought we were together. We would tease each other all the time while dancing and hanging around but since we were both kind of distant when sober we were scared to do anything about it. All until one night he kissed me. He kissed me like it was something we do all the time, but it wasn't. He didn't acknowledge it the next day and I remember freaking out about it with Ivy. Next time I saw him it took me every singe atom of bravery in my body to ask him about it. I remember it like it was yesterday. I called him and we separated from our friend group, we walked along the beach in Venice on a chilly summer night.

“Do you remember that we kissed?” I asked him in the middle of his sentence. He froze for a bit and then he made the grimace I couldn't decipher. 

“No” he said quietly “When?” he was looking at me and I could tell that he felt horrible. I tried to look as if I don't care and I was ready to brush it off.

“At the club, last weekend. It’s fine, I just wanted to clear that up. I wasn’t sure if you didn't want to acknowledge it or just don’t remember” I turned around to get back to where our friends were.

“Stop” he took my hand and I felt relief “Im really sorry. You know how I am, I go overboard sometimes and I do things...” he stopped talking. Do things he usually wouldn't? If so, I didnt want to hear about it. I pulled my hand from him.

“...do things I would usually be scared of doing” he said almost painfully. Knowing him today, I know how hard that must have been for him. After that things started heating up between us two. We were never together, we knew that would never work out as we couldn’t communicate normally when sober. But we silently cared about each other, even though we never said it out loud.

At that festival after party we were dancing when he handed me half of the pill and kissed my cheek. I looked at it for a while then looked at him. He was dancing and smiling, seemed so carefree. If someone told me a month ago I would be holding that in my hand I wouldn’t believe them. Even then it looked so wrong in my hand. And then I took it and it was the best night of my life.

We kept on partying like that every other weekend. We didn’t know much about each other but we also knew everything. We would take something then hook up and sleep for what seemed like hours, or minutes. Sometimes I was so out of it I didnt know if I was dreaming or not. We shared those times together, he was the only one I wasn’t ashamed to be around like this. He understood.

My dad opened the door for me and we hugged.

“Hello beautiful”

“Hi dad” he smelled like mom's cooking. I did miss them. “Smells nice in here”

“I feel like there's enough for the whole neighborhood”

I got in and the table was already set up. My mom hugged me and instantly started talking about my sister. How sad she is that she isn't here. I said something back quickly and sat down.

My parents were an unusual kind. They always had my back and supported me through everything as far as school and university go. But I was always the one who had to be home by midnight or not go out at all. I had to lie that I was having a sleepover so that I could go out and have fun with my friends. My mom still believes I never tried alcohol in my whole  life and Im twenty. We were also never the kind of family that talked a lot about feelings and things going on outside of school. I could never talk about boyfriends with my mom or fights I had with my friends. This caused bottling a lot of emotions through my whole life. Ethan had to beg me to talk with him to find out why I was miserable at times. He was the one person I would actually tell what was going on. I never got along with my sister either, we were just two very different people and I always thought: If I met her randomly I would never want to be her friend. Seems harsh, but she was selfish and stubborn, always only looking out for herself and not giving a fuck if she was hurting someone else in the process.

Lunch was actually amazing, my mom made my favorite meals. They crashed on the sofa soon after and started watching some terrible movie and I went to check in my old room.

I must have fallen asleep while watching youtube because it was dark when I opened my eyes. I came down to the living room and heard mom and dad talking in the backyard. I took my moms phone to check the time.

I miss you. It said. William.

My head felt blank for a second. I quickly turned the phone back off.

William was my moms ex boss. I sat down and my head started spinning around. I combined the pluses and minuses, filled in the blanks. Things started making sense. My mom became very sensitive to anyone touching her phone a while back. Before, she never cared about it. I gathered strength and opened the message. It was the only one in the conversation, everything else was wiped clean. I quickly marked it as unread and put the phone back. Fuck.Is my mom cheating on my dad? My head started spinning even more. Poor dad. Should I tell anyone? I can’t tell anyone we can’t even say I miss you to each other let alone Are you having an affair? My poor dad loves mom with all his heart, he does everything for her and she was never truly in love with him. My sister and I realised since we were teenagers that mom acts cold with dad. She doesn’t like it when dad shows her any kind of affection.

“There you are!” mom barged in and I almost jumped in my seat. “You okay? Mike and I were just talking about going for a walk, you’re coming too”

“Ugh, I just woke up” I wasn’t sure I’m mentally ready for that walk.

“Exactly, you need to stretch”

The whole walk I was thinking about my mom. The time when I thought my mom was always in the right was long gone, but this was on a whole new level. How can I take her seriously ever again? She lost all the credibility. How can she pretend to be happy with my dad? If I told him about this it would ruin him. If I told her...Nothing seems like the right option. I don’t want my family to fall apart. We are a bit dysfunctional, but this seems like a scene from a movie and I cant take it. I had to get out of there.

When we got home mom brought us pie and turned on the TV.

“Guys, I’m sorry but I need to get back today. I have a seminar to write” I was nitpicking the pie on my plate.

“Write it here?” dad proposed and it seemd like a reasonable idea “You can take my laptop”

“Yeah but I don’t have my books. Sorry. I might come by next weekend if Emma books that ticket” I smiled at them. It was so natural for me to act like this around them. I was hiding things from them my whole life.

My mom argued with me for a while but she soon realised my mind was set. When the movie finished I took some clothes from my old closet and said goodbye to them. I felt so sorry for my dad, I hugged him tightly and he even said I love you to my ear. I haven’t heard that sentence in months.

I dialed Lucas’s number while driving down the highway.

“Hey danger” he answered almost immediately.

“Hey. Happy Thanksgiving. What are you up to?” I tried to seem chill but my voice was almost cracking.

“Uh, not much. Classic Thanksgiving laying around”

“You up for a sesh?” I was always afraid of him declining me which is why I was rarely the the one to ask him stuff like this.

“What, now? What’s wrong?” he asked that in the most monotone voice but I knew it meant a lot coming from him.

“Lucas.” I sighed and my voice broke down at the end of his name. He was silent for a moment.

“Pick me up. Im sending you the location”

I felt relieved. We haven’t hung out alone in a while and I missed it. I needed an hour to get to him, he was at his parents place. The house was actually very pretty. I know his parents are divorced and his mom remarried, he doesn’t talk about them much but I get the feeling she is worried about him and he doesn’t like that. And now I’m dragging him out on a Thanksgiving weekend. Suddenly I felt even more terrible.

Lucas sat in the car and I was just looking through the windshield.

“Bro, what happened?” he took the aux cord and connected his phone.

“I just realised I dragged you out and you were with your family and it’s Thanksgiving.”

“Yes. Because I love spending quality time with my perfect family. Come on, there’s not a lot of dealers working on Thanksgiving you know that?” Soundtrack 2 my life started playing through the speakers. He loved that song and it made me depressed. After that, he never once asked what had happened, he knew better and I appreciated it.

“Dealers? I have everything in my flat”

“Not this” he smiled devilishly to me and typed in the address in his phone.

“So in one hour you managed to find the guy? Seems to me like you were just waiting for my call. What are we taking?” I was driving down his neighborhood. We were the only people on the street.

“Been waiting on this for a while. You’ll see”

The address wasn’t that far away. I parked and he left, came back two minutes later.

“Church?”

Church was the most trashy techno club in the area, it was a dump but it was always open and the atmosphere was always great.

We parked near the club and started drinking rum that he brought from his place. I was doing my makeup with the help from his flashlight and my front camera. I took the cropped top from the back of the car and put it on. I felt wrong to be happy at this moment but I was. I was with him and I knew we were going to have fun.

“You gonna tell me what it is now? You know I’m not doing heroin or anything like that”

“Jesus. Of course not” he pulled the baggy out of his pocket. “Ketamine”

I had zero clue what that is. Everything I knew about drugs came from Lucas.

“You’ll see later.” he says and I can’t believe I have so much trust in him to just get on with it but at this moment I don’t care. He takes out a pill from his pocket and breaks it in half.

“You have a whole pharmacy out there” I say and swallow the pill.

“Shut up” he laughs. We are both pretty tipsy by now as we start walking to the club. I pay for the entrance and we’re finally there. This is where I felt at home. How weird is that? The lasers, lights, annoyingly loud house music. The music I could never listen to sober, it drives me insane.

I opened my eyes to see Lucas sleeping next to me, sun was shining through closed curtains. I fell asleep again and I dreamt about last night. Dancing, kissing Lucas and him kissing me. I dreamt that I woke up and walked around the apartment. I showered. Was that a dream? I was asleep again. It was nighttime. Lucas and I were rolling around the bed desperate for each other, desperate to feel something, anything.

It was night when I finally definitely woke up. I checked the time on my bedside table. It was 3am on Sunday. Lucas was sitting on the window next to the bed smoking.

“Hi” I wanted to say but all I said was a weak I

“Morning” he turned his head to face me “Magnesium next to your bed. Drink it”

I took the glass from the bed table and wasted a good three minutes to take two sips. Lucas was looking at me the whole time with a massive grin on his face.

“I need to shower”

“You showered three hours ago” he said and I looked at him confused.

“So I wasn’t dreaming?”

He shook his head.

“Did we have sex? Like, in those three hours?” I asked not looking at him.

“What? No. Did you dream about that?” He threw the cigarette in the ashtray and went under the covers. I just looked at him and he smiled again.

“When did we get home?”

“Around 7AM. We slept through the whole Saturday. As far as I remember” he removed all of my hair from my face and made a bun out of it.

“I don’t even want to know what I look like”

“Do you remember the night out?” he prompted himself on the elbow to face me.

“I don’t know. We were dancing?”

“You..” he stopped and lied back down “I didn’t want to give you any more, of anything, because you had too much” coming from Lucas this meant something because I’m usually the one to stop him from going too far “So you just disappeared and..”

“What?” I hated not remembering anything.

“I dont know. You took something and you came back after ten minutes totally out of it. We stayed for and hour after that because you didn’t want to leave. After that I got us in an uber and we came here.”

I didn’t say anything.

“Look, something obviously happened during the weekend, I won't ask but you should know better than take something from strangers. You scared me” he glanced at me. I remembered the moment. I was acting like a brat. It must’ve looked ridiculous. I left him and found some girls snorting something in the bathroom. We talked for a while, I think one of them was coming on to me. I said that I was here with a friend but he didn’t want to give me anything so they offered. I had no idea what it was. What was I thinking?

“Im stupid” I told him about what happened “Im sorry. I found out that my mom is having an affair. But, I also suspected that for a while now. My mind was spiraling and I guess I overdid it”

We were quiet for a few moments.

“I’m sorry” he turned to face me and we stared at each other for a while.

“Is it bad that I love the high so much that I’m not at all regretting any of this? It’s the only time I feel happy”

“I don’t know” he answered “If you think I’ll reason you, you asked the wrong guy. I’m in the same spot” we both smiled, but his eyes were filled with sadness. I wonder if mine were too? We would only talk like this high. Our sober conversations didn’t exist, they were empty and meaningless. We hid behind walls that would come down every once in a while, and I cherished those moments. I kissed him softly and fell asleep in his arms soon after

I woke up at noon, Lucas was still sleeping and Im pretty sure he was missing a class, as I was. I wondered if he stayed because he wanted to or because he was taking care of me. I rarely got to see the sensitive side of him that I longed for. I would try and push his buttons sometimes asking him ridiculously touchy-feely questions and he would just laugh it off and tell me to shut up. But I saw in his eyes that he wanted to tell me things but didnt know how to. I knew for a fact that he didn’t have the best relationship with his parents ether, they didn’t speak about things and even if they wanted to I can’t imagine Lucas opening up to anyone, especially his parents.

I remembered almost all of last night. Lucas wasn’t having fun, he was mostly looking after me. I was usually the one giving him water, asking him if he was fine because he would look like a zombie. Sometimes I would only go out because I was scared that no one would be taking care of him. When we started hanging out we were both fairly knew to all of this but I could see how fascinated he was with all of it. I was too. My world went from black and white to technicolor. My, usually, messed up head that was overthinking everything and anything felt blank. It was just living in the moment, swaying on the dancefloor with the people you love.

But seeing him at his worst was painful to watch. It wasn't fun anymore, it made me see the dark side of things. When the high wears off you feel ten times more depressed and ten times more eager to go to the next party, and then the next one. Until your life just becomes waiting. Waiting to get high and drunk and feel things.

Realizing that made me never want to do drugs again, but that would last a couple of days. What scared me was that I knew that even after last night, when Lucas saw me at my probably lowest, he would never think about leaving it. It was captivating, appealing to him. It didn't scare him at all.

I was taking a shower when he knocked at my door.

"Bell, you have a visitor. I’m going out okay?" I soon heard a door swing shut. A visitor? I had come up with at least ten people who would come here after me not looking at my phone for three days straight and I was scared to see every single one of them. God, I hope it wasn’t Ethan meeting Lucas.

I dressed and got out of the bathroom to see Emily standing behind my kitchen counter. She wouldn't even be on the list of fifty people to come here. What was Ethans girlfriend doing in my apartment? And why didnt I clean up a bit?

#fanfic #fanfiction #dolan twins #ethan #grayson #ethan dolan #grayson dolan #iwritethings

[katiemonz]

Heya! I saw a think legit months ago about Scourge bein real touch starved & people falling asleep on his shoulder n such!? Could you talk more about that bc that's adorable as heck man! Like, someone just grabbing his hand in excitement or hugging him from the side?! :0 Thank!

Scourge was never one for hugs. It makes sense, he figures, since he never had any friends or loved ones until recently. But still, it bears repeating: he probably hasn’t been hugged since he was a child. No pats on the back, no side hugs or half hugs or anything of the sort. Well, there was that one big group hug after they defeated the Time Eater and sent the kids home, the one where he bawled like a baby, but that was a highly emotional time. He figures it’s just a fluke.

But nope. No, he’s playing video games with Amy at her place, some co-op thing, and they beat a level they’ve been stuck on for 45 minutes. Amy freaks out, screams a little, wraps her arms around his chest, and he can feel the shivers run up his spine like a cold front. He has a brief moment of panic–she’s hugging me, what is with the butterflies in my stomach, I’m not into her so why does this feel so good–and then it’s over, Amy’s hands are back on her controller and she’s picking the next level.

He lets out a breath that he didn’t even realize he was holding and tries to focus back on the game, but he can still feel a tremor in his ribs. It’s a while before it passes. He’s almost sad that they don’t get stuck on a level like that again.

Scourge doesn’t know what to think of that hug. Chalks it up to excitement and relief at finally beating that damn game. He manages to forget about it, at least until Sonic pesters him into going to the workshop for a movie night a week later. Tails is curled up in an armchair, Sonic is sitting on the arm of the couch like a weirdo, and Zonic and Scourge are sitting on the couch itself, close to one another so they can easily bring up memes on their phones to silently share.

While Scourge is ignoring the movie (something about dinosaurs) and scrolling through his phone, Zonic leans into him to show him a short video. And it happens again. The world slows down, he feels that contact, and he just. Melts. He doesn’t mean to, but he sinks in his seat, leans right back into Zonic, and wonders once again what the fuck is wrong with him. Is he going nuts? He never used to want people to get all touchy-feely with him. First Amy, and now Z? The hell?

“You good?” Zonic asks when Scourge slumps in his seat, completely oblivious to the electricity engulfing Scourge’s whole side. The green hedgehog nods.

“Yeah, just–” Scourge starts, and then he clears his throat because dear Chaos that was a hell of a voice crack– “Just gettin’ comfy.” Ugh, this is embarrassing. He hates when people touch him! Why’s he getting all melty?

He sends Zonic a text once they both go back to watching the movie, because he’ll be damned if he mentions this out loud. But Chaos, he needs answers.

Scourge: hey dont freak out but like

Scourge: when u started leanin on me just now?? it felt… good? and i thought i didnt like people touchin me but

Scourge: idk same thing happened with ames last week, she hugged me and it felt like my body did a loop de loop

Zonic: ?? Maybe youre changing your mind abt that stuff

Scourge: maybe??? idfk all i know is that i got the shivers. like the good kind. sorry this is probably weird as FUUUUUCK

Zonic: Nah man u just sound touch starved to me

Scourge: ??? explain

Zonic: Your body isnt getting enough friendly touch. U know, hugs and stuff

Scourge: thats a thing that can happen?? ?

Zonic: Yea

Scourge: no wonder it feels so fuckin nice, ive been goin thru a hug drought

Scourge: cept for u nerds and fiona? i think the last hug i got was from my mom before she croaked

Scourge: like, when i was 7

Zonic: Oh yikes

Zonic: Dont worry man Im on the case. Its leaning time

Just then Zonic leans all the way into Scourge’s side, head on shoulder and arm on arm. The weight leaves a warm feeling in Scourge’s chest, and he thinks that maybe Zonic has a point. What else would that feeling be, the warmth of friendship?? No, that sounds dumb. Way dumber than “touch starved.” At least he has something to look up when he goes home later.

Scourge: ty

Scourge: for this. and also for tellin me that this is kinda normal

Zonic: Np, happens to all of us. Chaos knows its happened to me

Zonic: Now shut up, some of us actually care what happens in this movie

Scourge: the dinosaur dies at the end, ive already seen it :P

Zonic gasps. “Asshole!” he cries out, giving Scourge a harsh shove with his elbow. Sonic and Tails look at them, see them both smiling, and don’t ask. Once he’s done, Zonic leans back into Scourge’s side, and Scourge proceeds to melt into a puddle in the corner of the couch.

The movie ends and the dinosaur doesn’t even die. Zonic swears vengeance for the cruelty he’s been put through at the hands of these lies. Scourge is too busy smiling to care.

#scourge the hedgehog #redeemed scourge #zonic the zone cop #amy rose #time warp #cosmic tech #WHOOPS I WROTE A THING #AND ITS WAY LONGER THAN I THOUGHT ITD BE #its also 4:11 in the morning christ #well #here's this #ask #anon #katiemonzwriting #Anonymous

[thexavierinstituterp]

–you– NAME YOU’D LIKE TO GO BY? Joss YOUR PREFERRED PRONOUNS? She/her AGE? 31 TIME ZONE? MST 1-10 ACTIVITY LEVEL? 5-7

Your app below for Regan Wyngarde/Lady Mastermind has been accepted! Please IM the main from your character’s blog within the next 24 hours so we can link you to the ooc blog. Congrats!

–your character– CHARACTER? Lady Mastermind THEIR PREFERRED PRONOUNS? She/her THEIR BIRTHDAY (day and month)? February 28th, 2001 QUESTIONS/REQUESTS YOU HAVE ABOUT THEM, IF CANON? There’s very little mentioned about the alternate reality that Regan was in for a year during her coma. If possible, I would like to craft this alternate reality with your input since Regan has vivid memories of it and is missing memories of her actual life, to the point where she is not sure what did or did not happen. My idea is a fantasy built around the fairy tale of Cinderella, where she is Cinderella, her two sisters are the wicked stepsisters, her mother is the wicked stepmother, and her father never seems to notice she’s in peril. She does increasingly complicated tasks to earn his approval, but he’s unmoved. There’s no prince, no ball, and the friendly animals are ones she’s created to serve her, with her succumbing to her own powers in an effort to protect herself from the subconscious knowledge that her father isn’t coming for her/doesn’t care.

SAMPLE PARA:

School was entirely useless most days, but Regan attended, because people noticed when she didn’t. They noticed when she altered her school uniform to make it more slutty, and when she wore thick black eye make up that made her look like a sad raccoon. Mom had begged her to just actually go to class, for once, please, just this once, for her. Her mom didn’t usually beg, but shouting, grounding, and taking away her phone hadn’t worked. She’d given in, finally, because she hated to see her mother beg. She never used her power on her mother, not even when she wanted to. That was part of her rules. No powers on Mom or the Step-Creature, and not on Martinique. She would definitely have used them on Tini if she could have, but her sister was immune. Everyone else was fair game, but she didn’t bring it home. She wasn’t a monster, she had a code.

Her very proper, all-girls, private boarding school was only an option because of the Step-Creature’s swanky job in Manhattan, but since Regan hated it and would happily have gone to the shitty public school down the block, she didn’t view it as any kind of nice gesture. Her stepfather did it because his precious Megan needed a supportive environment to help her, aka she had fucking pink hair and black eyes. And was somehow still better than Tini. Go figure.

Her classmates knew enough to avoid her, most of the time. They didn’t know why, just that bad things happened if they got in Regan’s way. And that was how she liked it. Her teachers hadn’t penalized her for not handing in an assignment since The Teacher’s Lounge Incident. She’d arranged things where she really didn’t even have to go to class, except that that fucking cow of a secretary, who seemed to be partially immune to Regan’s powers, refused to stop calling home about her absences.

Today’s target was Tessa Sage, another of her fellow mutants. Regan generally didn’t target other mutant. Freak solidarity and all that, her father would expect no less. She hadn’t seen him in three years, not since the Grand Divorce, but she still tried, occasionally, to live up to his extraordinarily low standards. There’d been a time when she worshipped the ground he walked on. Then one too many people had shown up at their apartment after he’d done something to them, because apparently while he viewed protecting himself as top priority, protecting his family came somewhere below polishing his shoes.

Tessa’s crime du jour was that she’d hacked into the school records and altered people’s grades, for money, but refused to do it for Regan. Regan would allow a certain level of that sort of behaviour for the mutant cause, but fuck if she was going to settle for a C in biology when there was a better option.

Since Tessa could mindfuck people too, though not as well as Regan, obviously, Regan felt it only fair that Tessa get a taste of her own medicine. She was already spinning an illusion by the time she came across her classmate, who was hiding in the computer lab like usual. “Hey bitch. Last chance to play nice.” Tessa said nothing, which was usually the case, and shrunk even lower down into her chair, like the whole thing would just go away if she ignored it.

Though Regan couldn’t ‘see’ her illusions with her eyes, they hung over her mind like a transparent curtain, where she could tweak the details until they were right. She normally dug through people’s minds to find their fears, or possibly hopes and dreams, to project, but since Tessa was decent enough to make that difficult, she just went with a classic. One of the computers exploded, and fire started to spread across the room, the smoke small at first but becoming choking quickly. Just for fun, the fire seemed to chase Tessa, who’d jumped up at the explosion and was backing away. When she hit the wall, Regan made the flames burn hotter, so that sweat started to bead on the girl’s forehead. “Do you know that old rumour about people dying in their dreams and then dying in real life? You wanna find out if it’s true?” Flame licked across the floor towards Tessa, the room disappearing underneath the clouds of smoke and tar. The taste of the air would be foul with all the plastic burning. Regan took pride in the details of her illusions.

Tessa was screaming, and Regan was just about to open the door and let the whole school see her spazzing out over nothing, when Tessa shoved a hand out and pushed the air. It was as if something skipped through Regan’s body and then slammed into her mind with all the force of a 600 pound gorilla. She was aware for a moment of flames, smoke, and the burning taste of plastic in the back of her throat, before the world went black.

HOW DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS RP? The LSRP tag

FINAL REMARKS Triggers: Rape, CSA, animal cruelty - graphic descriptions only

#accepted

[ohifonlyx33]

live blog thoughts

geokinesis... crystalline structure... *sigh* it's a ROCK. He controls rocks. Thank you coulson, for pointing out that it's hard to explain with ~sciiiience coulson @ fitz: how we lookin? fitz: terrible me: *scoffs* not possible hun, you look amazing. always. everyone: *pessimism* jemma: not to ruin the mood but *optimism* way to go sweetie wait, so he's made of plastic?? enoch??? uh. we appreciate your useful  plastic. may looking at the sketches, feeling affected by a life she's not yet lived. and phil comes over. im ready for thisss. i just choked when phil said he could see her as a mom. like i was taking a bite and i just forgot how to swallow. DAISY YOU KNOW SHE'S YOUR MOM RIGHT. WHY WOULD YOU SASS HER LIKE THIS. AHHH SASSY DAUGHTER INTERUPPTING MOM AND DAD. my name is deke shaw you killed my father prepare to... talk and then maybe i'll kill you but probably not because we may want  the audience/team to really start to like me. oh my gosh, i just realized, Voss is trying to pull a 12 Monkeys timeloop by killing some people to rewriting the past. his dad used to say play the long game... fitz time travelled the long way... idk Elena training the boy... uh-oh Mack doesn't like it. i see both sides but. oh man. whoawhoawhoa TESS WHAT w h A T... oooooh is is KREE SERUM. IS IT GH-325. ooooh my gosh. i guess mack does know about that... i was wondering how he knew, but i suppose the kree stuff happened in season 2.... wow what a throwback. what is this hunger games level madness. coulson charging his arm? what a concept. aww, friendly reminder that daisy is not just a superhero. she's a person. a talented agent. not just Quake. oh my gosh, fitzsimmons freaking out over the gravitonium and the causal time loop paradox. Yes Jemma, put your hand over that man's heart and give him the littlest bit of hope you can offer. Not a kiss, but a VERY NICe SCENE. mmmmhmmm good stuff. this grav storm looks so cool though. "is this your first time having a building dropped on you?" "NO" ROOFL sooooo like..... can w trust deke? i want to... but the writers are hinting he could be turned against the team. tbh i'm not even sure if Deke knows what to do. Mack, use those engineer skills you have. you are more than muscle, wisdom, and wit.... shut down those blues with mechanical skills. daisy/deke talking good guy ethics of killing or not and i really like it. and also every 3 seconds deke is like "MY DAD..." honestly this is so not even subtle y'all. i do love deke's moral dilemma tho and how he's like "but these are good people" but also could it save the world? "you won't see us again, but if you do... your children will be safe" MAAAAAAAAACK... oh hey whoa that's the guy he went all ballistic on for saying he'd make a terrible father... oh feels. may, why you so savage at Enoch so much??? ooh the bird is flying. but it's not flying the normal way cause it's a wooden bird so like... that's unusual. GRAVITY STOOOORM.it looks so cool tho. CAPABLE OF MANEUVERING IN SPACE. FITZ MY BLESSEd ROCKET SCIENTIST WHY DID JEMMA THINK OF tHIS FIRsT??? deke "NO, RIGHT? THAT'S A BAD IDEA RIGHT???" i love when he panics and everyone is like *shrugs* FITZSIMMONS FISTBUMP OF LOVE. WHY AM I CRYING????? "i used to be really good at self-preservation" ahahahaha. seriously hoping he becomes a good guy properly. ahhh guys no, protect tess she's just a sad little burrito and i want her to stay safe. keep the kreepy Mouldy Blueberry away. aww may lowkey making sure coulson's okay. fitzsimmons strap in. daisy and deke strap in (hmmm) and oh now they unstrap together... he's like a puppy following her kinda. i love his dynamic of "why am i doing this???" wait blueberry...whyy... he knows ELENA???  "you will always turn on each other" oh boy thanks. are WE ABOUT TO GET AN ANTIGRAVITY FIGHT BECAUSE UM YES. OH THIS IS SO GONNA BE SO COOL. LIKE ACTION AND CGI AREN'T THE rEASONS I WATCH AOS BUT DANG IT IT ISN'T SICK. jemma: "this is a terrible idea im sorry" LOL A LITTLE LATE come on deke do something to help the girl you are inevitably starting to fall for despite all your protestations. i'm here for mack and yoyo being all "you sacrilegious heathen read a Bible” #fakegod #fakenews but this scene is so slow compared to the rest... like, if you put all the splices together i feel like it'd we really weird and awkward. just a lot of posturing and threats over and over again. ahhh attaboy deke reluctantly saving daisy. oh man that shield against elena. maaaaaan come on. deke you loveable wuss. buh-bye sinara. so dramatic. MAY YOU AMAZING PILOT WAS SHE EVER "just the pilot" HA AS IF. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LIGHTHOUSe noooooooooo oh wait ok they had a plan whoa that's a big boom tho. ha his weakness in the end was his dramatic flair. why would you move the explosions DOWN when explosions go up I.... this was very risky ok. that camera shake with the scream tho. The Blueberry was  #TRIGGERED what does he mean he has a seer excuse me? and he's just now mentioning this???

#aos #aos s5 #fitzsimmons #philinda #daisy johnson

[hearingmyselftalk]

interesting phenomenon, really

the things you learn from the people that you date. 

you learn what you like and what you don’t like, what you’ll tolerate and what you absolutely won’t stand for... but something i never thought about until my last relationship is: what are peoples thresholds forreal? and at what point is acknowledging these thresholds the right time to?

what do i mean by thresholds? people’s tolerance, expounded. what are people really willing to put up with when it comes to a boyfriend/girlfriend. you know how people date and joke around and say, “if i were to get into some kind of freak accident and left bound to a wheelchair for the rest of my life, would you still love me?” that’s a super high threshold innit? 

if we were to scale a threshold or were to explain different levels of tolerance as scenarios to ME, they would go as follows;

-losing a job -finding out you’re depressed/anxious some other kind of mental ailment -repetitive, never ending, annoying arguments -physical ailment, something long term or something like losing a limb, or facial disfigurement -toxic arguments where there are often low-blows, using something said in confidence to you as a defense, verbal abuse -terminal illness of yourself or direct family members -death of a close family member

along the lines, i’m sure there are other various scenarios that would test a persons tolerance or their threshold for dealing with you like if you murdered someone or, just having too different of opinions or even something smaller (i guess i figure the smaller things would get weeded out earlier because if those things bother you now, you figure you would address them now, but that’s for another time) however, you really have to know the person you’re dealing with.

that’s really my bottom line. it sounds so simple like when you say it outloud, but really, investing so much emotionally and mentally into a person, when it comes down to bullet two, repetitive, annoying never ending fights... i’m just different because one) i believe in picking and choosing your battles and two) i genuinely have thought ive found the person that i would obviously prefer not to have fights with, but if they were gonna be with anybody, they’d be with you...and it doesn’t ever happen like that for me is what i’m trying to say. 

i’ve grown EXPONENTIALLY when it comes down to how i handle my relationships. i really really need to work on the whole “leave before you get left” ideology because it’s not working. it just doesn’t work. and that’s not even what i really want. i’m truly a lover, and im a firm believer in fighting for the shit that you really want. nobody ever wants to fight for me though. LOL. i read in mark mansons book unfuck yourself, about being a winner. telling myself we weren’t going to end up together and we would stop talking, is me being me, self sabotaging, and at this point, miss me with manifestation because that shit doesn’t work for me either, but saying that and then it happening is literally me winning. but in the bad way. in the way that mark said that we fuck ourselves. by inadvertently or subconsciously and even really more often than not consciously make decisions and essentially have thoughts that turn into exactly what ends up happening. i end up winning but not really in the way i want. 

but then i ask myself, can i even be mad, really? can i? i knew that he wasn’t sure about me for a long time, so i believe i’m equally guilty of knowing the cards could have fell like this. but then the lover in me says, i stayed to see if anything would change, but the reality is, you can’t love someone into loving you. and as much as i wanted to put a lot of ... i don’t want to say blame but a lot of the weight on “a man” knowing about you, right, knowing if you’re “the one” or “her”, but i feel like if you’re in a place where you’re even questioning if you think he’s certain about you, or if you’re ballsy enough and wanna fucking ask, hey, how do you really feel about me, do you feel like i could be right, or am i just for right now, and if he straight up tells you, it ain’t you, you’ve got choices, but one of them ISN’T getting mad at the fact ya’ll break up because he finally decided he didn’t want to be with you anymore.

how mad can you get, can you be, really, right? if you willingly participate and spend time and make yourself available for someone who reciprocates time and energy but not affection. they won’t talk about relationships with you in a realistic way. they speak to you as if everything is up in the air and they have no kind of control or role to play in the situation. you can’t be mad at that. you can’t blame someone for finally making up their mind. 

and, speaking of getting mad, you can’t get mad about someone not being sure about spending the rest of their life with you, or even what a future looks like with you, if you yourself can’t even see the future!! make it make sense. the only concrete plan i really have for myself is suicide, and i’m a super high functioning depressive, so that sounds really sad or whatever, but i mean, really, that’s the only thing my mind reverts to whenever i think about the future forreal. even when i’m “happy*”, i don’t ever see me 5 or 10 years from now, like in a better place, happy. 

i wonder if that’s because i’m just a negative, miserable ass person, or if, like i’ve said before, my depression just really does not allow me to see into the future. i don’t even like trying to project months time, because fuck, anything could happen. it seems easier to predict negative timelines or realities than positive ones, because my happiness doesn’t really seem to exceed 2 years. and sick of me to frame the basis of my happiness on when i was in relationships but i know me. but really, i don’t see anything when i think about the future, it’s like just this completely blank slate and anything could happen... it’s like im sure ill be alive i guess somewhere but living where? doing what? with who and i had what? nah. it’s just not, realistic, i can’t plan for something i can’t even imagine. 

but i don’t know why being in relationships make me happy?? i’ve tried to reason it within myself and i’ve got some pretty solid theories: - weird familial dynamic when it came to showing and expressing love to each other has me desperate for a non obligatory love, that actually caters to my love language  - obviously being with someone who makes you feel good and you vibe with and shit literally does shit to your chemically but yeah what the fuck ever -trying to make up for attention i didn’t get when my sister was sick, so i’ve turned to romantic love as an escape, or attach romantic love with feeling happy because i was in a serious relationship with someone when my sister first got sick so having that person to go to made me feel better -unprotected sex -im just a codependent person because i dont have any other friends, hobbies, interests or activities i like to do, so being up under someone and consumed with them gives me something to do -gives me hope?

i think i might really be getting down and into some shit right now... i was going to say to myself well why would being in a relationship give me hope, and i know i was saying that because i often feel worthless and like nobody will love me forreal, but it’s like, why is that the basis of happiness for me? i love love, but love might not really fuck with me forreal because the fact that i even am doing this shit for love, but getting fucked by love, or letting some fuck ass boy tell me i’m worthless like be an end all be all for me... or somebody deciding that they don’t want to be with me or that i’m not the girl they want to spend their life with, why should that bother and break me so bad? 

why does that end up being the bottom line or how shit comes back around? i didn’t really attach the fact that i was with someone that made me feel good when i was going through something that would change my life forever. completely. i think this is it. i rely so heavily on relationships as a source of happiness because when i was at my lowest, my relationship made me feel good. 

it just dawned on me, i’ve never had a relationship that ended on a healthy amicable note, or that wasn’t overly explosive and “passionate”... and i think i blow up because i associate people i love leaving me, with abandoning me to be back alone with my problems i have due to my sister being sick. 

im unpacking these things. that is a completely new concept that i had never thought about or realized before. i knew i was USING relationships to overcompensate.... i remember telling ____ _, i use people/guys im dating as an escape from my reality. when you don’t want to see someone losing their mind, you want to be with anybody that can keep you away from that and make you feel good about yourself. you want to be with and around someone that’s going to make you feel normal. 

that’s another thing i’ve been thinking about lately... my lack of knowledge about various kinds of mental health fucked me too. if i had even an inkling that it was a much grander spectrum than crazy socio psycho i would have been better prepared. i blame tv. i blame schools. nowadays, you see advertisements for all kinds of mental health issues. and good for people now to be exposed, but i feel like i was blindsided by not knowing. i would have spent less time being upset about it because i would have known better.

i feel like i kind of just, one day got tossed into that life, or like literally that’s when my season of the truman show, but featuring me was on. and it was just a terrible fucking time in my life. 

i started taking some drugs to help, i stopped them though, but they did really work. i just wish i didn’t have to remember them or stay on such a routine about it... i didn’t feel anything at all. and that’s how i would love to feel all the time. just neutral. i remember watching a soldier coming home and surprising their mom or something video and wanted to cry even just happy tears and my body wouldn’t do it. i said i would take a pill before tomorrow, when i’m supposed to be meeting up with the guy who i’ve spent the out of the last 16 months? all but 3 collectively (if you added up all the single days out of the last 16 months, it would probably equate to 3 months i did not see this person), and now we don’t talk. i’m crushed but also ^^^ ????? you see what the fuck i’m talking about. i can’t be mad. 

that’s really what i keep saying to myself. literally, everyday i tell myself. “he’s going to talk to, and have sex with, and date, and kiss and talk to other people. he probably is now. he is going to date her for a couple of months, make her his girlfriend, they will get engaged, or have a baby and that is what will happen because we are 30 and that’s what happens when you’re 30. you find someone else and you just move on” no joke. i say that to myself everyday. it really helps too, because when we first stopped talking, i used to get the worst gut wrenching anxiety, to the point i would feel like i was going to throw up. thinking about him with someone else, laying up with someone else, exploring and just doing the little shit with someone else, it stings, but i did get through typing out that off the script part of my mantra about the reality of dating without my stomach turning too much.

my body had been tried to tell me to get out. and i ignored it for so long. i don’t think we would rekindle this relationship. if it was up to him we would never talk about it again, and we would actually probably never talk again. if i see him tomorrow, if he doesn’t flake on me. i know the whole vibe will be different. i know he won’t try to sit next to me or want to talk about it. i’m just going to be coming over as a friend, to smoke and watch black monday.

the real test will be going into his crib and sitting in his presence, it’s been over a month, and my stomach is actually going crazy thinking about that, but again, that’s my ever active imagination. i’ve always had one, even as a kid. thinking up literally the most dramaticized versions of situations that would never ever ever fucking happen, like really like some only in the movies shit and even then it would be a fucking corny ass cringey ass movie. im getting queasy thinking about some shit and how awkward it will be, and he’ll end up texting me to cancel the whole shit before this misery can actually play itself out. lmao.

it hurts to feel replaceable when we were so cool though. and honestly, dating him is a regret i actually have. i regret that, forreal. i would have preferred to just have been friends. because knowing what i know and have been known, that i was i never her, i always knew that wasn’t going to magically change for me, even if i played along and put on the monkey suit. it was always on some “im just tryna see” shit.... it’s like why even mix shit up or get so involved? i knew he didn’t know, he knew he didn’t know, we both knew he didn’t know, and the conversation “youre either gonna accept it, and stay or leave” it’s literally so fucking insulting but when you actually fuck around and accept it and stay, that’s when you’re sick and you fucked up on some real shit. but when you’re thinking to yourself “if i leave, this nigga won’t care” and like you KNOW, leaving would only prove yourself right... you really just feel stupid. 

but that’s really my thing though. at the end of the day, i was really fed up, ready to get the fuck on and be over it. i was mad and upset and talking crazy and real slick, but after a few weeks i would have reached back out to him like i dont want beef, and i legitimately don’t think i would be here now dwelling on shit. it’s like i was already out the door right, like, i had all my shit, my coat, keys, phone, wallet, mask, feelings, everything. i had never been so ready to be out in mY LIFEEEE... and then it’s like you went and did the one thing i put emphasis on meaning something to me and like at an attempt to grasp straws or like not lose the fight, you did that, and then turned around and flipped on me and now treat me like i said fuck your mother, eat shit, i hope you die.... i’m just confused. that’s why im torn like am i really not shit... or do the people i meet and glorify really just be terrible people? i kind of think just off the fact that he did that, i shouldn’t talk to him ever again. to practically beg me to not stop talking to you, it like literally feels like you only did that shit so that YOU could be the one breaking things off. and that’s beyond petty to me. it’s super vindictive, and like we say shit is mean, and people are mean, but like in the context of things, doing something especially specific to someone that to them means you care, and then renege on that, you might as well had just spit in my face forreal. 

i have a feeling stronger now, that we won’t link up tomorrow. 

link. lol. at 3:50 IN THE MORNING he texted me asking me about this stick figure dancing really silly that i sent it to him talking about thats how i dance in his kitchen, and it’s hard to think he wasn’t up after having just fucked someone and probably saw something similar to that and was dying laughing thinking about the one i sent... so when i sent it to him, he asked for a link to it, probably because the screenshot of the video i sent had me laughing in it or something, and he couldn’t show that to the new girl bc “he texted a “friend” (non gender specific) and they had the video and wanted to see if they still had it” 

but a goofy i am that i thought he mayyyy have meant link with me, with all that extra emphasis, and of course, when i replied in extra innocent confusion, i don’t have the link only a screen recording.. he said oh. lol. 

when we decided to stop talking in general it was goofy. i email him saying i miss you, he unblocks my number and texts me somewhere between i miss you too and im pissed off still and so we talk and he’s like oh i spent this last week hating you for no reason and yadda yadda and then that segways into me talking about us being done, and he goes “why are you so finite about everything, i need to time to just sit and think” just to still turn around in the same day and be like yeah naw we don’t talk now. everything is a mixed message, but i’m just gonna chalk it i wouldn’t dare even try to bring the shit up unless he tried to. but that was it. like okay we don’t talk no more. and again we didn’t have screaming matches or block each others number again after that or any other petty fights. so for us to go from seeing each other to every day to it’s been over a month, and texting someone who would text you back within 3 minutes, not even respond to you for hours or even the same day.... the shit is all just weird. it really makes me even second guess being around him because it’s like, i know i still care, but that’s just me hurting myself to care. at this point, he’s accepted that it’s over and done with and his life will go on and he’ll date new people and hang out with new girls and get to know them and like completely throw me away like the fact that it doesn’t even feel like this person is even a friend now is completely beyond me. maybe im just that fucking far removed from dating and breaking up so me expecting someone to still want to talk to me is asinine and insane but what the fuck ever. 

honestly, i’m a better writer or more expressive when i’m depressed. in a manic depressive episode, i thought for a second, if i start documenting what i write when i’m sad, and i get a really good series of short sad stories or these bouts of where i just want to say some shit like this whole post, then when i kill myself someone will find them and ill be like a fucking world renown emo writer like poe, saying beautiful miserable shit that people relate to and relate to it so much more because the pain of what i go through is seared into them, so they get it. 

pain.... i thought earlier about pain and suicide..... and how people who are suicidal and are looking for a way out but would like it to be as painless as possible are people who already deal with too much pain they know they can’t take anymore because they want to leave, but they literally also can’t take anymore because it’s like, give me a fucking break. then you have the suicidal people who do shit like suicide by cop or slit their wrists or set themselves on fire and shit, and i think, people like that feel so much pain, maybe they’re incapable of even registering the out as painful... maybe having to feel that is nothing compared to how they feel all the time... 

#just rambling

[ghostydoof-blog]

OOCly viewed chatlog you know the drill.

-- technicalGyrations [TG] began pestering eggBoy [EB] at 08:16 --

[08:16] TG: egg BOY

[08:17] EB: egg boy.

[08:18] TG: egg boi

[08:18] EB: that's me.

[08:18] TG: like soulja boy

[08:18] EB: one hundred percent farmland fresh egg boy.

[08:18] TG: but with eggs

[08:19] EB: hot off the truck and into market, soon to be on your breakfast plate at denny's when it's 2am and you're feeling down.

[08:20] EB: we should go to denny's sometime at 2am when we're feeling down.

[08:20] TG: we could go to dennys right now if youre feeling down

[08:21] EB: it's not 2am yet and i've been up since six making myself homemade mac and cheese.

[08:22] TG: okay instead of dennys come to my work and eat mac n cheesy with me and tell me whats going on

[08:24] EB: i can't, legs are broken.

[08:25] EB: my face hurts.

[08:25] TG: JOHN

[08:25] TG: JOHN!!!

[08:25] EB: suddenly my fingers are broken too, my skin is paper and my bones glass.

[08:25] TG: JOHN EGBERT YOURE KILING ME

[08:26] EB: it happens.

[08:26] EB: you are way too excitable for this time of morning, dave.

[08:27] TG: i have to be im at work and i gotta be excitable so i dont fall asleep

[08:27] TG: so i got music playin and im knitting and drinking some tea

[08:27] EB: i'll accept that.

[08:27] TG: you could be energized too if yall came here

[08:27] EB: i've got a pot of coffee on the table next to my bed and i have been playing threshers 2 all morning.

[08:28] EB: i need to get human games so i can stop playing this.

[08:28] EB: i.

[08:28] EB: ugh.

[08:28] TG: are you havin fun with it at least

[08:29] TG: whats wrong dude

[08:29] EB: i do.

[08:29] EB: i guess?

[08:29] EB: it just upsets me.

[08:29] TG: why?

[08:29] EB: actually a lot of things upset me lately apparently.

[08:29] EB: i'm worried about sollux.

[08:30] EB: apparently i had a family that i don't remember.

[08:30] EB: oh and we're from the same earth i accept that ok?

[08:30] EB: apparently your shades are from me.

[08:30] EB: somehow we forgot these things.

[08:30] TG: i need a second to process this

[08:30] TG: okay im starting the process

[08:30] EB: so i mean i haven't been able to talk about any of it and i'm losing my mind over it!

[08:30] TG: who told you this?

[08:31] EB: rose.

[08:31] TG: how do they know??

[08:31] EB: she's the only one that i've met that will just TELL me about myself.

[08:32] EB: she knew a john that she played that god awful game with.

[08:32] EB: her john knew a dave.

[08:32] TG: and her john gave her dave the same pair of shades i have

[08:32] TG: ?

[08:32] EB: they all played that game together.

[08:32] EB: yeah.

[08:33] TG: i have a feeling that we played that game together too

[08:33] EB: how?

[08:34] EB: everyone that has KNOWS they have.

[08:34] EB: how do you forget DYING?

[08:34] EB: or being a god or something?

[08:34] TG: when i talked to sky about some of this he basically said that what my dream was lines up with some stuff that happens in it and if youre from the same place as ME then we would have HAVE to played it together or someting like that

[08:34] TG: i think were remembering it though

[08:34] TG: since meeting each other

[08:35] EB: :/

[08:35] EB: i can barely sleep anymore, my dreams are so weird they wake me up now. i can't remember them but ugh.

[08:35] EB: they leave me in a cold sweat.

[08:36] TG: ive just been having a lot of migraines lately about all of this stuff

[08:36] EB: ugh.

[08:36] EB: yeah.

[08:36] TG: no dreams i can remember besides the one of someone giving me my shades

[08:36] TG: which is now you

[08:37] EB: when rose was telling me about the shades it hurt, and when she was trying to tell me about my family i?

[08:37] EB: i had a family, dave.

[08:37] EB: a dad.

[08:37] EB: you saw me give you your shades?

[08:37] TG: in a dream, yea, but it wasnt you in my dream just some shadowy ass lookin figure

[08:37] TG: a dad

[08:38] TG: is there any way you could find him?

[08:38] EB: he doesn't exist. the actual address on my id also does not exist.

[08:38] EB: the street does, but there isn't that number house on it.

[08:39] EB: i guess he did something shitty with baked goods and that's why i still don't like them though.

[08:39] EB: so maybe it's not that much of a loss.

[08:40] TG: i had the same thing happen to me address wise like they looked it up and theyre like shit my dude you dont exist

[08:40] TG: and that makes sense i guess

[08:40] TG: some shit like that probably stayed latent in your brain and surfaces without your control

[08:40] EB: yeah.

[08:40] EB: it still sucks!

[08:40] EB: i want him back, dave.

[08:41] EB: i'm grown now but i didn't want to be stuck in foster care for two years! i hated it.

[08:41] TG: i want you to find him so he can explain where the hell hes been all these years

[08:42] EB: he's dead.

[08:42] EB: if i remember correctly, it's been mentioned that he died.

[08:42] TG: WHAT

[08:42] TG: what the fuck

[08:42] EB: or disappeared into the game, if we really did play it.

[08:42] TG: thats even worse

[08:42] TG: but if he disappeared into the game like us wouldnt he be back if were back? this is so fucked up dude

[08:43] TG: do you think if you have a dad

[08:43] TG: that i have a dad

[08:43] TG: ?

[08:44] EB: probably! rose mentioned having a mom too i think.

[08:44] EB: or someone else had a mom. or something?

[08:44] EB: i can't tell if i know this stuff or if someone told me anymore.

[08:45] TG: i mean i guess the only thing we can do is ask rose more

[08:45] TG: if she doesnt mind?

[08:45] EB: she says she doesn't but i wouldn't want to push it.

[08:45] EB: she has a key to my apartment so if you want to meet her you could use my place.

[08:45] TG: we could talk to her together

[08:45] TG: just a meeting betwen all yall

[08:46] EB: i don't know dave she's really nervous about people still.

[08:46] EB: sort of a one on one kind of girl.

[08:46] TG: i could sit in the bathroom while we talk so she doesnt have to see me

[08:47] EB: oh my god dave no.

[08:47] EB: then we'd have to be in my bedroom!

[08:47] EB: what am i going to do, text her up and be like hey rose want to hang out in my BED?

[08:47] TG: dude weve hung out in your BED before

[08:48] EB: yeah but we're also more accustomed to that sort of thing.

[08:48] EB: she's been really alone for a long time, i don't think she's quite ready for THAT.

[08:48] TG: you have seen my shirtless bod before so were past that level of friendship

[08:49] TG: okay new plan: i can hide behind the couch while all yall are on the couch and i can talk from there

[08:50] EB: she might kill you if you do that.

[08:50] EB: but it's your ass not mine.

[08:50] EB: also your body is fine dave.

[08:50] TG: okay new plan: you can facetime me and we can talk from there

[08:50] TG: my body is,

[08:52] EB: how about this?

[08:52] EB: i talk to rose and ask if she'll meet you.

[08:52] TG: that also works

[08:53] EB: no deception and you guys can still use my place.

[08:53] EB: and dave.

[08:53] EB: your body is fine.

[08:53] TG: IT IS,

[08:53] EB: it IS, yes.

[08:53] TG: im yellin

[08:53] TG: youre too nice to me

[08:53] EB: i'm telling the fucking truth you goon.

[08:54] TG: youre STILL too nice to me you goon

[08:54] EB: if i wasn't armpit deep in my clinically diagnosed depression i would come kick your ass.

[08:56] TG: i mean i want to come over to kick your ass out of your armpit deep clinical depression but im at work and also armpit deep in my clinical depression

[08:56] EB: well look at us both stuck in this quicksand of sadness.

[09:03] TG: well pull each other out eventually

[09:03] TG: just gotta wallow for a bit til we feel better

[09:03] EB: i was doing ok until the shit hit the fan.

[09:03] EB: is it bad that it bothered me less when i didn't have friends?

[09:04] TG: i mean same but thats cause you have your own ways to deal with things and when friends get involved you feel like you gotta blab to them about everything and it messes up the coping

[09:04] TG: at least thats my theory

[09:05] EB: no.

[09:05] TG: ?

[09:06] EB: it's because i had nothing to worry about. i worked, a came home to my apartment. i ate and slept and watched movies and had nothing to think about but the next day.

[09:06] EB: now?

[09:06] EB: now i'm worried about my troll friends because they might just die for no reason.

[09:07] TG: and thats making you feel worse combined with your own stuff you got on your mind

[09:07] TG: i gotcha

[09:07] EB: i worry about my human friends because some of them are so sad that i just want to hug them and tell them it will be ok.

[09:07] EB: and yet no one wants me to care.

[09:07] EB: so i'm trying to not care.

[09:07] EB: it's hard.

[09:08] TG: hey if it means anything i want you to care about me

[09:08] TG: and i bet all your friends appreciate you caring even if it seems like they dont

[09:08] EB: congrats you're the only one that does!

[09:09] EB: between troll dave shitting on me for being empathetic and me royally fucking it with sollux i'm ?

[09:09] EB: trolls?

[09:09] EB: what are they?

[09:09] EB: why are they?

[09:09] TG: trolls are strange as hell and they have different views on emotions than humans do

[09:09] TG: makes em a bit complicated

[09:10] EB: i noticed.

[09:10] EB: apparently i messed up and started doing some weird quadrant stuff at sollux.

[09:10] EB: but it doesn't matter, he says it doesn't bother him.

[09:10] EB: (spoiler alert: it does.)

[09:10] EB: and i know it does.

[09:11] TG: i mean id be surprised if it DIDNT bother him

[09:11] EB: but if i don't say anything about it and act normal maybe it will be ok.

[09:11] TG: hes probably just making it seem like it doesnt bother him both for you and for himself

[09:11] EB: but i can't bring myself to talk to him because i don't want him to stop being my friend.

[09:12] TG: you should still at least talk to him if hes your friend dude

[09:12] TG: but i also think you should talk about the pale stuff too

[09:13] EB: i tried to.

[09:14] EB: but everyone else seems to want to get their nose so deep into my business there's no room left for me. i appreciate spanky but uh...he's way too nosy for someone i don't know.

[09:15] EB: i also don't get the subtle difference in what changes being his best friend to being his pale...whatever it's called.

[09:16] TG: theres only one way to find out and thats asking him about it

[09:16] TG: but id think it over before you do

[09:16] TG: i dont completely understand troll stuff either even though i live with two of them

[09:16] TG: and dude if you need me to back off just let me know ok

[09:17] EB: well, karkat told me he doesn't want any quadrants right now so i mean i don't want to poke that hornet's nest and bite the dust on it yet.

[09:17] EB: there's also the uh.

[09:17] EB: looming possibility that he's going to die.

[09:18] EB: so that's a thing i'm supposed to probably pretend that it doesn't bother me.

[09:18] TG: um what

[09:18] EB: he's messing with that game, dave!

[09:18] EB: and something is wrong with it! like really wrong!

[09:18] TG: nothing good ever comes from that goddamn hell game

[09:18] EB: it's not like i pour over every single post of his but i see enough to know that something bad is going to happen.

[09:19] TG: you definitely pour over all his posts

[09:19] TG: callout

[09:19] TG: and yea

[09:19] EB: i do not!

[09:19] TG: i have a bad feeling about this

[09:19] EB: he's not even denying it anymore, dave.

[09:21] TG: i think cause he realizes shit is going to hit the goddamn fan

[09:22] EB: i know.

[09:22] EB: i should just let other people do things for him.

[09:23] TG: john

[09:23] TG: why

[09:23] TG: ?

[09:24] EB: because.

[09:25] EB: i don't know anything useful to him. i don't know about the game.

[09:25] EB: i don't know anything about trolls.

[09:25] EB: or their romance.

[09:25] EB: or their society.

[09:25] EB: the more i learn the more worried i get.

[09:25] EB: the more i wish i could just pull him here.

[09:25] EB: give him a hug, tell him it's ok!

[09:25] TG: once he gets into the game he might be able to get here though

[09:26] TG: transportalizers are normally a game thing i think from what ive seen

[09:26] EB: i don't want him to ever go into that goddamn game dave!

[09:26] TG: rossea didnt play and she had to build her own

[09:26] EB: i want him to stop messing with it before it's too late.

[09:26] EB: he's going to die.

[09:26] EB: and i'm going to lose my best friend.

[09:26] EB: i'm...

[09:27] TG: john

[09:27] EB: i'm sorry.

[09:27] TG: i dont think hes going to stop messing with it

[09:27] EB: i know.

[09:27] EB: i know he's not.

[09:27] TG: so you can at least hope that he finds a transportalizer and get the hell out of there

[09:27] EB: i do hope.

[09:28] EB: but we didn't.

[09:28] EB: did we?

[09:28] EB: you died.

[09:28] TG: i

[09:28] EB: and so did our friends.

[09:28] TG: i dont know

[09:29] EB: we didn't survive that game.

[09:29] EB: not the same way other people have.

[09:29] EB: did we?

[09:29] TG: i dont think so

[09:29] TG: ?

[09:30] TG: but i dont know what happened at all

[09:30] EB: well my dream says everyone died.

-- eggBoy [EB] is now an idle chum! --

[09:42] TG: my dream says at least me died so i believe your dream

-- eggBoy [EB] is now an idle chum! --

[09:44] EB: it doesn't make it any better.

[09:45] EB: i have a lot of worries ok?

[09:45] EB: i'm sorry for suddenly dumping them on you but they just keep coming.

[09:47] TG: dude john

[09:47] TG: dont be sorry at all

[09:47] TG: were friends right?

[09:47] TG: thats what friends are for

[09:47] EB: yeah!

[09:47] EB: still.

[09:48] EB: i kind of exploded there.

[09:48] EB: hey dave.

[09:48] TG: what

[09:48] TG: ?

[09:48] EB: denny's date tonight?

[09:48] TG: of course : *

[09:49] EB: good.

[09:49] EB: because i feel like sobbing into a grand slamwich.

[10:09] TG: you can sob into as many grand slamwiches as you want bud

[10:09] EB: i can only maybe handle one.

[10:10] EB: they're kind of gross.

[10:10] TG: perfect to cry into then

[10:10] EB: exactly.

[10:10] EB: you've witnessed me crying, i'm gross.

[10:11] TG: DUDE youve witnessed ME crying

[10:12] EB: then we're even.

[10:30] TG: : *

[10:30] EB: right back at you buddy.

#pesterings #viewed oocly #long post // #mentioned: #keedlez2

[tumblunni]

oreshika: you know who is not the bad guy? the bad guy also oreshika: you know who is actually the secret bad guy? this sweet harmless comic relief man who has done nothing wrong

except like its eight glowing brain levels deeper cos the sweet comic relief man is also a giant obviously evil demon mask that ANYONE could have pinned for “really just possessing this dude” since the very start but then his personality was very non bad and he was all ‘hey buddie why u no smile’ to his host and like I LET MY GUARD DOWN OKAY. I LEARNED TO TRUST AGAIN.

i’m at the final battle and I am so pissed off but also HYPED?? like im relaly mad cos like RIGHT FROM HIS FIRST APPEARANCE I was like ‘dear god please don’t make onigashira the real villain, it would be so fucking obvious’ and then i just got progressively more pissed because he literally did nothing evil in the entire damn plot, he’s just evil because Evil he’s some sort of Magical Evil Mask that was Made To Be Evil and like Unquestionably Is That and no sort of interesting exploration on that plot even though he HASNT ACTED EVIL EVER UNTIL THE LITERAL LAST FIVE MINUTES

and it raises SO MANY questions cos like why was he even cooperating with Seimei then?? why didnt he fully posess seimei at any earlier point?? why didnt he kill nueko at any of the five other mandatory boss fights we had with him?? Seimei at least had an intriguing personality that gave an odd justification for his plot laziness. Cos he’s an anti-villain who weirdly sees you all as friends or a mentor/student thing, and he’s really just pretending to be evil so that you’ll kill him, cos he can’t die and desperately wants to. So it makes sense that he doesnt do any of his evil actions until you arrive, cos the whole damn point was just to taunt you into arriving. And its nicely parodied cos he literally sends you tea party invitations to his latest evil plan and gets pissed off if you miss it XD i’m so sad for seimei plz say (mei) that we adopt him afterwards i wanted to adopt onigashira afterwards back when it looked like he was the not evil one of the pair I AM STILL REALLY SALTY THAT HE’S NOT!!!! HIS DESIGN IS REALLY COOL AND CUTE!!!!! AND HE WAS A COMIC RELIEF OLD MAN DEMON DRAGON DOOD!!! i trusted u

okay but to talk about why i am also HYPE i need to go into some endgame spoilers whoopy doop!

so yeah the twist of ‘evilman is actually just being controlled by his puppet dragon thing’ was WAY OBVIOUS and i was really wishing for it to not happen but they made up for it by having ANOTHER TWIST THAT’S WAY BETTER

random description of something else from the endgame that is cool but i dont really know where to fit it into this conversation lol you actually do get to fight Final Boss Seimei here, its a cool boss rush with him and then Super Onigashira Betrayal Mode but what I really like is that its an OPTIONAL boss rush! the first time you play it you fight seimei with his freaky spider legs superform, and then nueko steals it back cos it was hers first. Can i just say again that I love a sexy mom styled heroine who’s powers are entirely around growing friggin monsters out of her arms and stuff? Seriously way to subvert that fanservice bro! (its still a bit cringey when they show the monster tattoos being drawn on her butt and boobs...) so then you go into the second fight and your health has all been healed and now one party member has a new supermove (I was really pissed cos it didnt restore your MP and TP, so I couldnt use that move!) But then if you lose and come back it actually skips the first fight and has an altered cutscene that’s like ‘oh, you’re back for round two?’ and such. MUCH preferrable to stuff like kingdom hearts where i have to watch a damn ten minute cutscene each time! Tho I do wish there was an option to redo it in boss rush mode, I guess that’s just a reward for people who can get it on the first try. I’m prepared now thooooo... :(

OKAY BACK ON TOPIC

Now for this final arc of the story we’ve been investigating the mystery of the Nameless God, some dude in the past who was apparantly super great and then got erased from history. There’s also the mystery of who exactly was Nueko’s husband and what happened to separate her from Seimei and make him turn evil, tho i mean its PRETTY OBVIOUS his dad was this mystery god lol And even though its not really very much of a twist about his identity, its still really interesting how the whole thing is handled. Him being erased from history means that none of the characters can remember his name or face, but NEITHER CAN THE PLAYER! He appears in the interfaces long before the plot actually talks about him, as a silhouette and a name smudged out by ink.

Now the actually cool twist about him is that like.. we’ve been hearing for AGES about how great he was, and how someone must have put out a hit on him or something. And him being in the interface seems like a spoiler that he’s gonna be unlockable later as a godly husband candidate for your protagonists. And even when we see npc optional boss battle gods hating on him, it’s always the jerkass gods who have some sort of reason to be biased. Or (in retrospect) they’re hating him for entirely the wrong reasons based on other people’s flawed gossip about him. “He was too kind and if he made equality then I wouldn’t be rich!” says genericman mc gee, who is probably eighty times less evil than this man

COS THATS THE TWIST

He was an evil fucker and erased himself from history with essentially an alchemy equivelant of a mad science experiment gone wrong. And what happened with Nueko and Seimei was that evilbad mc trashdad tried to use his damn four year old child as raw materials for this experiment, and she tried and failed to save him. And then she was desperate and her only option left was to kill the kid so he couldnt be tortured like that, and then killed herself too from grief. But it all went horribly wrong because she didn’t know that the reason Seimei was a candidate for this experiment is because he had immortality powers as a half human half god. So the poor kid survived watching his mom stab him and then slit her own throat, and he had no clue it was because his dad was gonna kill him anyway, so he grows up hating her and missing her and being this big ol sad mess that’s easily manipulated by a fucko father...

COS THATS ALSO THE TWIST

ONIGASHIRA WAS DADS

WHAT HOW

DADS

And like if they were gonna reveal his entire funny cute sidekick personality to be completely false then I’m glad at least his real personality was Twisty Wow and Immensely Punchable like i still feel like i could never punch a cute puppet pal but i can surely punch an abusive father pretending to be his own son’s imaginary friend for twenty years and whispering bullshit in his ear just to drive him into his own grave and like POOR SEIMEI WANTED TO DIE JUST NOT LIKE THIS NOT LIKE THIIIIIIIISSSS

i still think that ‘hey i was made to be an evil superweapon demon dragon mask thing but i became sentient and decided to be a happy hugs jokeman’ would have been a really amazing character concept too either that or ‘hey it really is a harmless normal mask and i’m just super seriously angsty seimei doing ventriloquism as a hugs jokeman character because i’m lonely as fuck and please be my friend’ either of those would have been better than this but like if this is what we get then I’m at least glad they gave me good enough reason to feel ‘GAHH I WANNA STAB HIM AND SAVE MY NEW SON’ rather than just ‘oh blah this ending ruined my fave character, and i feel nothing towards anything now’

also his boss fight is really damn fuckin coolio wow like it was a HUGE WHOA MOMENT when the fight starts and his name is blanked out and you just instantly know who he was this whole time and your mind explodes that this guy was evil and then he’s like a giant buddha-esque multi armed dude doing sutra poses with a big ol spoopy demon head and then really fun classic gameplay of ‘him summon the many hands and u has to destroy the hands to get 2 him and then they regenerate after a short amount of time’ but he’s also got super hellish simultaneous buff and debuff powers and all sorts of other nasty tricks AND IM ON THE LOWEST DIFFICULTY GEEZ and like for some reason it really stabbed my heart seeing how just one of the many hands is still human, its like seimei’s still in there and maybe he might still be alive if we defeat this guy fast enough... and then the music is SO FUCKING GOOD and it has like three remixes for all his increasingly frantic stages. like he doenst actually have boss transformations for them, its just moveset changes and stat boosts as his health drops. but also the colours of the battlefield change and you get funky remix time so its still cool!

and then I was SO CLOSE, i had him down to 5% HP before he killed me T_T such a marathon boss and I was almost there... I’m really excited to try again tho! i finally got that damn curse off my inherited weapon from the first generation, and now i’m on generation 87, and now im ready to FUCK SOME SHIT UP! also my current party is all named after types of olives because i ran out of inspiration around character number 300 i am so fucking addicted to this grindy ass game!

#bunni plays oreshika #maaaan i still need to upload all the screenshots in between this and the first generation update i did last #so many characters so little progress #still havent got anybody with a third eye or cool demon horns #i hate how much RNG is in this stupid thing #it should just become more likely the longer you play or something #give me a reward #i have burned your game into my soooooul #AND I STILL BARELY UNDERSTAND HALF THE STATS #mo tutorials mo reward for yer progress there u go that is my review #also i love my pimento child