#failure to protect. How COULD you have done differently? Was there anything at all that could have saved them?
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Are you going to keep Goosefeather's curse? If so are you going to change anything about it? From my memory the book was... depressing.
It will probably get rolled into Pinestar's Crusade, building it up into an SE rather than just a novella. There's actually a lot going on in that specific moment, and it makes sense to go over it all at once.
So to answer your question, yes, most of Goosefeather's Curse is staying. Most of the Crusade Generation have depressing stories to tell. If the Thistle Period is defined by the fact that Thistle Law metastasized and went terminal, and if the Campaign Era was when it was newly born, then the Crusade Era was when it was first conceived.
I've been thinking about Pinestar's Crusade idly and mentioned it a few times, but here's my fragments so far;
PINESTAR'S CRUSADE
(Fuses Pinestar's Choice and Goosefeather's Curse)
We start in the Crusade Era; there is now more focus on 3 major characters, though it's still built around Pinestar as the POV
Pinestar, Goosefeather, and eventually Pinepaw's apprentice Speckletail.
Pinepaw is born into the start of the Crusades, a bloody period where the Clans are invading Chelford and brutalizing cats in the hopes of appeasing StarClan. He only begins to learn the full story of what happened in Darkstar's Commandment once he begins going to Gatherings as a warrior
The truth being that Oakstar came up with this idea because he couldn't take an L
But even as an apprentice, it becomes quickly apparent to him that what they're doing is evil. They were brutalizing kittypets who aren't trained to fight back.
During his first raid as an apprentice, he allows a ginger-and-white mother and her kittens to escape
This came back years later, when that queen, Crystal, forms BloodClan in response to the Crusades.
Pineheart watches Oakstar die barely a year later to the queen he saved, using early claw extenders to cut right through him. Even if he hadn't been on his last life, it would have ended him.
But, Crystal lets Pineheart go, recognizing the Clan cat who had saved her life.
Watching his dad die along with several friends, and countless more innocent Chelford, plus being released by Crystal, is a Formative Moment.
Doestar continues the Crusades in the name of revenge for Oakstar, but now that BloodClan exists and is ARMED, the easy raids become bloodbaths.
They slowly peter out, not with a bang but with a whimper. She never announces an official end, eventually she just stops organizing them. No one gets closure, especially not Pineheart.
But the 'peace' doesn't last. Just before Heatherstar takes power from Smallstar and begins the Campaign to take the Mothermouth Moorland, ThunderClan deals with the Great Hunger
Pineheart and Goosefeather become very good friends, part of a little buddy group that also included Tawnyspots and Pheasantfeather (who will become One-eye later)
Pineheart was given his first apprentice, a rowdy little one and the niece of Doestar, Specklepaw. He's tasked with helping her fill the pawsteps of greatness she's destined to walk in.
Just like canon, Goose predicts the Great Hunger... though, he is an adult this time around because of some timeline changes.
And, like canon, it fails. They couldn't stockpile enough food to last an entire year of famine, a scorching summer and a frozen winter, they end up losing a huge stock of their food as if it was destiny.
Goosefeather was forced into a role he hates, given horrible visions of the future, and argues ferociously with Pineheart; if they hadn't tried to stockpile, they wouldn't have lost all that food to begin with.
It is in this moment, he comes to realize that every time he's fought back and used his visions like a warning, it's backfired.
So, perhaps, they are instruction.
But, meanwhile, Pineheart can't loose his apprentice or his friends. While others were hunting desperately, he was keeping cats alive through scouting for grubs, foraying into other territories, and...
Every bite of kittypet food he took for himself was a morsel in someone else's mouth. But this... this he kept quiet.
It started a "bad habit" he could never break.
Having lost the previous deputy to starvation and on her deathbed, Doestar nominates Pineheart to the position. He was shocked and upset by this, but he was the obvious choice.
Son of Oakstar, Hero of the Hunger, the cat who had kept Specklepaw alive when all the other kits and apprentices starved.
But, Pinestar took the helm to extreme controversy.
Everything Pinestar's ever done that worked was nonviolent. He's never seen battle do anything but bring harm, and the thought of leading people into war... it makes him feel sick.
But the rest of the Clan can't see what he sees. They yearn for the glory days (even though they were not glorious at all), itch to die for a cause, and leave this old, disgusting subsistence survival behind them. ThunderClan wants blood and Pinestar just wants peace.
Taking back Sunningrocks is an example of this. To avoid losing Clanmates, he proposed to Hailstar that they would have a Joust, instead.
ThunderClan's strongest against RiverClan's strongest. Adderfang vs Mudfur.
It didn't go well.
The problem with those sorts of situations is you have to abide by the deal. RiverClan took Sunningrocks for 6 months. It was humiliating for ThunderClan.
Even the cats he'd saved from the famine were furious with him
The only things that DID seem to please the Clan was when he would throw them fully into battle. Such as Goosefeather's prophecy that WindClan's herbs needed to be destroyed...
Every time a situation like that happened, where Goosefeather would phrase things as a Holy Struggle, Pinestar was thrown right back to the Crusades
Terrified eyes, screeching, cats begging for mercy, his father dead at his paws and feeling horror and relief swirling
Sitting vigil for old friends killed in these horrible fights, like Moonflower, it made him feel like how he felt the day he buried Oakstar.
And the bile rose in his throat, remembering that Oakstar was not there at his Leadership Ceremony, damned to the Dark Forest.
A thought was born, here. What does StarClan truly want? What do they expect of him? If they will send the architect of the Crusades there...
What of a cat who stayed fed on human food and fed grubs to his Clanmates? Or a leader who never knows the right thing to do?
When Mumblefoot retired and Sunfall became deputy, the Clan seemed to love him more than Pinestar. He found himself just... sitting back, and allowing Sunfall to call the shots.
It was towards the end, when Leopardfoot proposed an Honor Siring. He was from a glorious legacy, she wanted kits... and on his end, he wanted the peace that raising kittens could bring.
The warmth of human dens was calling him, but perhaps the warmth of love for children could keep him home.
UNLIKE CANON; Nothing about Tigerkit was born evil.
There was no StarClan vision of Tigerstar; Goosefeather knew full well that Thistlestar was the Leader of Prophecy.
But Pinestar would never give Thistleclaw an apprentice in time. Nor would he ever give his own little son to a cat as vicious as him.
Goosefeather never hurt anyone... but Pinestar just needed a push.
Pinestar was already anxious, unhappy, clinging to the goodness that was his little kits. Even as two of them were lost to minor illnesses, shortly after receiving their names.
It wasn't a lie. It was just half of the truth.
"Pinestar... you have a choice to make. StarClan has given me a vision of blood and war, and Tigerkit will have a role to play in it."
He DID have a vision... of Thistlestar. Not Tigerkit. But that was enough for Pinestar, his fear and trauma took the helm from there.
He'd seen his friends, his apprentice, the kits who had been born and died in his rule, all of them turn into the monsters Clan Culture demanded
Nothing he did ever seemed to work, why would THIS moment be different?
How could he prevent Tigerkit from becoming like that too?! Was StarClan telling him to KILL his son??
Pinestar's never had a vision from StarClan. He doesn't have the aptitude like a Cleric... what he has is a nightmare, of Tigerkit growing so large he crushes the whole camp under his claws
After a week of agony, Pinestar unknowingly creates a prophecy of his own,
"Can only the death of a child break fate?"
Sensing he was close to victory, Goosefeather dipped his head, not denying his question.
And it's the last straw.
And that is the climax of Pinestar's Crusade. Broken from his experiences, every turn taken for peace causing him more pain, the idea that he might have to hurt his own son plaguing his mind, he makes the choice to leave.
It wasn't hard, he'd still had that old bad habit of taking bites of kittypet food, a couple friends on the other side. But what he doesn't know is that by leaving with his life... he prevents Sunstar from acquiring his own.
Sunstar had ONE single life, StarClan was not able to give him more with the previous leader still alive. For leaving his Clan, for unknowingly preventing the transfer of power, and for dismissing the Warrior Code, Pinestar is sent to the Dark Forest after his death.
He can choose to walk there, or spend time in the mortal plane as just a spirit, but StarClan offers him no place in the cosmos.
#Pinestar's Crusade#Better Bones AU#So yeah it's still depressing LMAO sorryyyy#im a sucker for the theme where someone you raised and loved became part of an evil system#failure to protect. How COULD you have done differently? Was there anything at all that could have saved them?#i've mentioned it before but I love Pinestar most as the foil of Firestar#and it's very underexplored as an idea#How Firestar succeeded where Pinestar failed#Literally like a brighter version of you#someone who never gave up past the point where you would have broken#and how painful and uncomfortable that idea must be#It doesssss things to me#Also I am still shuffling the timeline#Pinestar might end up being old enough to remember Mapleshade... BUT we'll see#It might be pretty funny to have Pinepaw watch his dad take several Ls in Darkstar's Commandment#''this is my cringefail boomer dad who I have a complicated relationship to. he cannot swim. oh god. oh fuck''
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hi sweetheart! after you absolutely killed my last request and cleaned every dish with it MM MM MMMMM I'm back
this time, DBF!Hotch. The two of you got caught on your dad's new security camera beside the house that you didn't know about. Your dad tries to send aaron home to chew you out on it but Aaron gets all defensive and refuses to let you take the fall for both of your actions (maybe this leads to aaron's first acknowledgement that he loves you, 😮💨) but yes just protective!hotch standing up for you and your relationship 🦋🦋
Hello I'm baaaack!
I'm finally taking the web off the asks that got lost on my inbox when I disappeared, so you may see me for a few days!
Requests are still open, and you're invited to send anything Aaron Hotchner on my way.
Thank you for your request!
LUCK: sucess or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one's own actions. Chance considered as a force that causes good or bad things to happen.
With you, it was usually bad things.
Of course, there were exceptions — like when you graduated in law, only a few months ago; or the day your father (the Senator) allowed you to go for a guided visit to the FBI to study it's many Units just because you wanted to see law being applied on different contexts; or — and this one was your absolute favorite — when you stumbled into your dad's best friend, Aaron Hotchner.
The latter one had been an absolute blast.
Aaron Hotchner was BAU's Unit Chief, and thanks to his ties with your father, he had been the one responsible for your tour of the sixth floor. Aaron had been attentive and careful, he embraced your curiosity as if he was being paid to give someone a tour, and not to find serial killers.
At the end of your tour, he offered you his number because, "I was a lawyer, so if you ever need something, or another tour, just give me a call".
One week later, you called him to ask for advice on a hard case you've taken at the law firm you were working at; Aaron asked you to dinner so you could talk privately about it, and helped you go over the case files. You also talked some more about your private lives — how he had an 8-year-old son, how you had a dog, how both your jobs took more time from you than you wanted. At the end of the dinner, there was another one scheduled.
Aaron had to reschedule that one (a case in Alaska wanted his immediate attention), but he knocked on your door first thing when he came back, a bouquet of flowers (sunflowers, to be exact) in hand as he proposed you'd go out for that delayed dinner. You accepted right away.
The third date was at your home, and that was the first time you kissed. The first time you've done way more than kissing. By the time Aaron left your home that night — staying over wasn't an option when he had a son at home —, you were sure there was nothing you wanted more than a solid career and to have that man's hands on you again.
That was when things started to go wrong.
You've had your fourth date scheduled when a pipe at your home exploded, causing a flood to start in your bathroom and spread all over your house; and while you weren't excited to go back into living with your father, that was the only available (and financially worthy) option, because you certainly wouldn't ask Aaron to let you live with him.
No. Nope. Absolutely not.
It wasn't like you were dating, on the romantic sense of the word. Yes, you had feelings for him; yes, you messaged so often that people had asked more than once if you were in a relationship; and yes, you did way more than just making out like hormonal teenagers whenever you had a second to be together.
But Aaron had a son, and you had a golden retriever (and said golden retriever was too attached to Aaron, to be honest), and a month and a few days of hookup wasn't enough to justify calling someone and saying, "Hey, mind if I crash down at yours while my pipes are being changed?".
"Yes, honey" Aaron nodded, looking down at you as he played with your hair, "That's exactly what you should've said".
You rolled your eyes, shaking your head in bewilderment. That was probably the third time you've been having that discussion, but it was the first time you've done it personally since Aaron had just came back from a case.
As usual, Aaron spent the night at home with Jack (he did invite you to go over, but you didn't feel like you were this far in your relationship to say yes) and appeared first thing in the morning at your father's house to see you. Now, you were lying together on the backyard, Aaron looking down at you, prompted up on his shoulders as you laid on the towel you brought out.
It was intimate, cute. The kind of moment you wouldn't have anywhere else, since the two of you lived on apartments. It was special, as if there was something more going on there, something unspoken.
Frightening. That was the word to describe it. And yet...
"I'll keep that in mind next time" you replied, a smile spreading on your face at the sight of the smallest quirk on his lips, "I like it when you smile, Aaron".
Aaron's smile widened, and God — you could feel your heart beating faster at that godly image, at the fact that you had put that smile on his face, the realization that his look of adoration was for you, and not any other woman.
"I like it when you smile, too" he whispered, leaning to press a soft kiss against your lips, "Even if this is not a rare occasion, because you're the softest person I've met".
"Oh, come on!" you pushed him away, and even if it was nothing more than the touch of your hand against his chest, Aaron pretended to fall backward on the towel, a silent invitation for you to lay on his chest, "I'm not soft!".
"Yes, you are" Aaron replied with a laugh, "Even more than Garcia, and she's essentially a marshmallow".
You gasped at his words, placing your hand on your heart as if he had offended you, "I can't believe you said that! I am a serious lawyer!".
"Never said you weren't, honey" Aaron pointed, pressing a soft kiss against your head, "Just that you're a very soft lawyer, that's always good to everybody".
"Which some would point as a weakness".
"Some are stupid" Aaron shrugged, "You are not. You're the best lawyer I've met, and I know you can do great things, baby".
You didn't know how to react to his words if there was an appropriate way to react. On these few months you've been seeing each other, Aaron had made a point of cheering you on whenever he could, and even managed to watch some of your court hearings (a benefit he got from being both an ex-lawyer and an FBI Agent), always having some strategic input for the next one.
Aaron has been helping, and has been hearing. He believed you even when you weren't sure your father believed.
God, you loved that man.
"Thank you" you whispered shyly, moving to kiss his lips, "I don't know what—".
"What the fuck is happening here?".
So, here's where the word luck suddenly turns into unluck. That specific moment in time, when you realize that the feeling of something missed you've been nurturing, had nothing to do with a lack of word to define your relationship with Aaron, but with the fact that at the end of the day... your father had no idea you've been dating Aaron.
It wasn't like you were hiding it from him — you've been open about dating someone, and he was aware that he knew that someone, but in truth you've never properly told him who that someone was. And while you wanted to say it was pretty obvious (because you've lost count on how many times you and your dad talked about Aaron when having dinner together), your dad had never been the one to read between the lines.
So, yeah. That was kinda your fault.
"Dad!" you stood up immediately, thanking every god available you and Aaron had decided to just lay outside, and not do something else, "You're home early".
"Yeah? You tell me" your dad snorted bitterly, looking between you and Aaron with anger written all over his face, "I was watching the security camera because I know this is when you get Lucky ready for her walk, and what do I see? You and Aaron here together! What was I supposed to do?".
You had some answers on your mind, but none of them seemed important as you looked around, eyes half-closed as you studied the space around you, "There are no security cameras on the backyard".
"Thank God I put on some last week!" your father pointed, "I thought you'd be safer if I did, and now I see that was providential for some other reasons".
You noticed when Aaron stood up beside you, his hand touching the small of your back softly, "There's no reason for you to talk with that this way".
"No reason? No—" your dad stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose for a second before he pointed at Aaron, "You, I want you out of my house. And you—".
"No".
For a second, you thought you'd been the one to mutter that simple word, that you had dared to say 'no' to your father to defend a... situationship with Aaron; it made sense because in your heart you wanted — craved — to tell your father that he couldn't tell you who you could date, or to put your "I'm an adult" speech to use, but you hadn't been the person to retort.
It had been Aaron.
"What did you say?" your father barked, his eyes twitching in nervousness.
"I said no" Aaron replied, taking a step in front of you, "You're not gonna talk like that with her. Not today, not ever".
"I'm her father—".
"That doesn't mean you don't owe her respect!" Aaron retorted, his voice louder than your father's, "You wanna talk about us, that's your right. You wanna know about us, that's also your right. But to scream with her in order to get some manipulated answer, that's not happening, not on my watch".
You knew you were supposed to step up and say something. Maybe you should tell Aaron to leave, so you could talk privately to your father; maybe you should stand with Aaron and leave with him because, honestly, you were dreading this specific talk.
But having Aaron defending you?
You've decided to study law because you knew what it was not to have someone on your back. Of course, your father had defended you in some instances, but there were other moments he'd made it known he'd step out so you could solve things by yourself; it did help you build character (as he used to say), but you missed having someone patting your back at the end of the day, or helping with the fights you just didn't feel ready to fight.
Aaron was just that person.
You didn't know if it was because he was FBI or it was his lawyer side rubbing in again, but it didn't matter — Aaron was fighting for you. Fighting for what you had.
God, you really loved that man.
"Okay" your father humphed, both his hands on his waist as he looked directly at you, "Then plead your case. And I hope is a good plea, because I didn't pay for the best university is this country for you to give me some lame reasoning—".
"Shut up!".
Yeah, this time it was you. And you knew that if you didn't go on with that, you probably would get too afraid to continue, so... "I'm an adult, dad" you cringed at how lame your words sounded in front of what Aaron had just said, "I won't say there isn't an age gap..."
"Twenty years" your father pointed between gritted teeth.
"But I'm an adult!" you stomped your feet, holding Aaron's arm, "I'm 28, I'm a lawyer, and I..." you closed your eyes, biting your bottom lip before those three words escaped her lips, "I can make my own decisions, dad. I'm not asking for your permission, I'm asking acceptance".
Silence. Deafening silence.
"Can I talk to Aaron?" your father asked finally. You could read anger all over his face, the way his jaw was tense and his hands were closed in fists, but you could also see defeat in his eyes — the realization that it didn't matter what he did or said, you'd stick to what you had with Aaron.
And you were proud of yourself.
You looked up at Aaron, waiting to see if he wanted to have this talk with your father, even if you knew he was too much a gentleman to refuse something like that (you had your doubts he'd ask for permission if he ever decided to pop the question — but why the hell were you thinking about that?), which was quickly confirmed with his curt nod, "Okay" you whispered.
With a gentle smile towards Aaron, you made your way towards your dad, stopping your walk beside him before whispering, "I love him. Please, don't fuck with that".
He didn't answer, nor looked at you. Taking it as your leave, you walked back inside the house, closing the door behind you — but not quick enough not to hear Aaron's final words.
"I fucking love your daughter, man. Please, don't fuck it up".
Maybe you weren't that unlucky, after all.
Thank you for the request!
#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x reader#criminal minds#hotch#hotch x reader#hotch x you#aaron hotchner fanfic#fanfic
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Leo the Leader vs Leo the Learner
I know almost every iteration of TMNT emphasizes that the boys cannot properly function as a team without everyone there, especially without their fearless leader.
In terms of cartoons and movies though (as much as I've had time to watch/rewatch), the '03 and '12 series are my personal favorites, with Rise and MM tying for a very close second, because they both acknowledge issues in the team that the characters work to fix. '03 Leo and '12 Leo both struggle to lead the team at significant points in their respective stories, but the manner in which they struggle and what they struggle with differentiate, in a good way mind you.
In the 2003 series, the very first episode opens with Leo already being in the leading position as he tries to keep his brothers from going off script or doing something irreparable while they work to find Splinter. And when they do eventually find themselves in trouble, he's the one to lead them through it and make it back to Splinter in one piece. We see this formula more or less repeat for almost three seasons with a few different variables to spice things up; the brothers look to Leo for guidance, think of a plan of action with their combined efforts, and go from there.
Until the S3 finale.
The boys had times where they wondered if they'd make it out alive, but this was the first where it genuinely seemed like the end for their little family, and Leo could do nothing but watch as they execute their plan to blow up with the starship.
Of course they survive, otherwise we wouldn't have another four seasons💀but that short amount of time was more than enough to scar Leo, physically and emotionally. When he begins closing himself off from everyone, April's the only one to get him to open up and he lays it all out: He feels like a failure of a leader. He wasn't strong enough to protect his family or stop the Shredder, their last resort was going out with a bang, and they had to be saved by the Utroms. It doesn't feel like they won and he doesn't feel like he accomplished anything.
His fears and frustrations manifest into an ever present anger, slowly going from cold to hot, that chooses its target at random. His brothers don't know what to do since they don't seem to know why Leo's behaving this way, nor have they ever seen him like this. And dear Mikey says something that so accurately sums up their team: "...it can’t be fun always being the responsible one, and we’re the ones who really benefit. Raph’s free to not think ‘cause Leo does all the thinking for him. Don’s free to dream, and I’m free to take it easy, all ‘cause Leonardo is busy being responsible enough for all of us."
Mikey knows Leo is cracking under the pressure of his role partly because they've become so comfortable in their own roles, and no one refutes him. They didn't intend for Leo to translate this dynamic into, "everything is on you," but that's how it inevitably turned out over time. One could even argue that them not knowing how to handle this new Leonardo is yet another downside to them getting too comfortable, and it doesn't help that Splinter is the only one (aside from Usagi on one instance) who attempts to help Leo, even when the young turtle is pushing him away.
Things finally boil over when Leo pushes a little too hard though and harms Splinter during training, a regrettable action that clears away the steely air he had around himself for so long.
It's not until Splinter sends him off to see the Ancient One that Leo finally pulls himself out of that bubble of negativity and he accepts that there was nothing more he could've done in their final fight against the Shredder.
He did all that he could, and he can continue doing all that he can for his family.
In a weird way, Karai's violent eviction notice was exactly what everyone needed.
Leo was told his family likely hadn't survived the attack, something he'd spent countless days trying to prevent through relentless training, but he believed they were okay and ultimately found them alive. He wasn't there to protect them, but he sees for himself that they made it out without his help, and this was also a learning experience for the others if you think about it. They've already been shown to be capable of handling situations on their own or in pairs, but this was the first time they had to deal with a huge confrontation as a team without the comfort of their leader behind their shells.
Raph is the one who takes the helm for a brief few seconds and dishes out instructions amid the chaos, telling everyone to split up, find their way out and meet back up on the surface, with one last demand for them to be careful. And when Leo finds him, his distress is palpable; he couldn't find the others and therefore had no idea if they were okay, let alone alive, while he kept himself hidden from Karai's forces. Before this, we see that Raph is willing to make his own plan of action in this series' version of City at War when he doesn't go with Leo's word. But this time, in Leo's absence, we see he's willing to fill in as leader when the situation calls for it, and he realizes he isn't quite cut out for leadership like Leo.
We don't see any significant shift in team dynamics after this, mainly because Leo's inner turmoil from their fight with the Shredder is what caused problems with the team in the first place, but that goes to show that outside influences are what gave birth to the team conflict. Despite me pointing out earlier how Leo shoulders quite a bit not just because of his role but because of his brothers' roles as well, we can see throughout the series that Leo doesn't buckle from the pressure until they're in a situation where he can't effectively perform his role to his satisfaction.
As I mentioned in the beginning, Leo had been a leader in essence and in name for many years before their first home was raided by the Mousers. It makes perfect sense for him and his brothers to be accustomed to it by now.
2012 Leonardo is not used to being a leader. He may undeniably be a leader in essence, and had the drive and desire to be one, but he definitely wasn't a leader in name. The very first episode doesn't even open up with Leo being a leader, let alone with the turtles being a team. Their first time fighting together is a train wreck, and rather than Leo's strong sense of ethics and honor being the catalyst for his recruitment (not at first at least), it's the beginning of their long battle against the Kraang that convinces Splinter to officially deem him the leader of a newly formed team.
Being leader doesn't automatically mean the team will follow or respect you, which is something Leo learns right away thanks to his brothers, with Raph in particular challenging him when they butt heads over their opposing plans and ideals. It's touched upon in Rise of the Turtles Part 2, but Raph's desire to lead isn't a major plot device until New Girl in Town where he gets a taste of how Leo feels everytime he's responsible for his brothers and their wellbeing. However, Raph makes it known that even though he's resigned himself to not being the leader, he still doesn't like being told what or how to do something. Even Donnie challenges Leo when they can't agree on the best course of action in preparation for the Kraang, but Donnie realizes arguing was pointless as the invasion begins without warning and makes the idea of a second base the more favorable option.
His brothers aren't his only test of will though, as there are a handful of times where Leo questions his ability to lead and wonders if Splinter chose the right turtle for the job. Throughout all of that though, the boys ultimately rely on Leo and follow his lead when all is said and done.
Where this Leo truly differs from '03 Leo is that he not only struggles with leading a team that isn't so keen on being led, but he also struggles to grasp that he leads a team.
There are many times in the series where Leo runs off on his own or makes the decision to tackle something himself rather than with help, and that's not out of the norm, especially in comparison to his own brothers and '03 Leo. The problem is that '12 Leo's solo decision making more often than not leads to trouble (we all know the tale of him trying to turn Karai to the good side without informing the team about her). One of the first major examples of this though was in the S1 finale when he takes Splinter's words a little too close to heart and gives his brothers the scare of their life. Granted, him holding back Kraang Prime kept it on the sinking Technodrome, but you get what I'm saying.
His family actively calls him out on this behavior on two separate occasions during S4.
After they'd spent six months with the Fugatoid fighting the Triceratons and racing to collect every piece of the black hole generator before them, Fugatoid reveals that he was the one who made the world ending device, a reveal that lights a flame of betrayal in everyone, especially Raph and Leo. Believing that they're being used by Fugatoid, Leo rides off in a stealth ship on his own and nearly gets himself killed, a move that has his brothers scolding him, with Raph being the most vocal about Leo's idiotic decision: "Leaders are called leaders because they're supposed to lead a TEAM!"
The moment isn't lingered upon for long, but they all make it clear that they're tired of Leo's one man missions. They're a team, so they should plan and function like one.
Then, in Broken Foot, Leo starts doing missions with Karai and Shinigami in secret to aid them in taking revenge against the Shredder, but, in an attempt to find out what Leo was hiding from them, the other turtles get caught up in their plans and Donnie gets hurt. Leo immediately abandons Karai (who later apologizes for what happened) and Shinigami to check on them and come clean.
He explains to Splinter later on that he didn't fill anyone in on the situation at first because he knew no one would've agreed to help Karai get revenge, and he acknowledges that it was stupid of him to think he could control the situation. Splinter expresses his disappointment, and April reprimands him for once again not trusting his own team enough for them to help him.
Leo apologizes to Raph and Mikey afterwards, even going so far to say he probably doesn't deserve to lead the team after this, something Raph just harumphs at while Mikey remains silent. He pleads for their help in stopping and eventually aiding Karai and Shinigami, and they go along with him to fix things as a team.
We no longer get any one man missions from Leo in S5 (there surprisingly weren't any in S3 lol), likely for a whole list of reasons ranging from leading in Splinter's absence to learning from his mistakes over time. But he makes sure that whatever they have to do gets done together, and he does his best to keep his brothers in line.
I suppose one could say that '03 Leo remembered what it meant to be a leader, while '12 Leo discovered what it meant to lead.
#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt 2003#tmnt 2012#tmnt 2k3#tmnt 2k12#tmnt leonardo#tmnt leo#2003 leo#2012 leo#analysis
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English version
Just wanted to write a little because it's been a while since I've done so. And I thought of the bone king; so… here's a little something ^^
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At first, nothing was out of the ordinary. Everything was even more than normal when he opened his eyes. The Bone King knew who he was. He knew what he had to do, he knew what was happening. Everything had come to his mind as if he were in those dreams where you don't know you're dreaming. Where you know that you are you and that you continue to act in accordance with the laws of the world that you inhabit, without worrying about anything.
Then, his eyes met the faux-bronze pupils of that shadow-furred monkey, and the world shook like a dream world would when too strong an emotion was about to jolt you out of your dream. This intrigued him. He had approached the stranger to understand what was happening, despite his mind screaming at him to stop moving forward, and memories he didn't know he had. Memories that were starting to pound his skull. His insides told him that if the world continued to shake like this, if his reality shattered, he would be no more. Still, the Bone King ignored this instinct, because he found it ridiculous. He was an invincible king. Nothing could defeat him, and his threat could not be summed up as a trembling monkey demon feigning bravery to protect a kid the king had planned to get out of his way quickly. He stopped right in front of the demon. He heard her voice, a little more confident than her posture was. The king's world shook again. He heard two voices screaming in his head as his vision flickered between blue and gold, before the latter returned to normal.
“Macaque”
The voices in the king's head had shouted in different tones.
The king then decided to take Macaque with him. It was an abrupt decision. Something he had chosen in the moment. The desire was too strong, and the confusion too curious. No matter how strange his memories were still, or how his mind seemed to have conflicting thoughts towards the monkey demon. He was sure of one thing. Macaque was his. He had to be since his mind seemed so perplexed about him. Macaque was a warrior and a champion. Macaque was the best of warriors. One like those the king deserves. The shadow monkey was his warrior far too deadly, and that made the king frown. He had to train him later, try to toughen him up.
After that, it took a while for Macaque to obey the bone king. The shadow demon had tried to flee, plot against his king, and rally the bone king's minion to his cause. Each attempt had ended in failure that Macaque had regretted each time. His proud little look quickly disappeared under the tremors, and his arrogant smile was now hidden by his scarf, which he pulled up to his nose, to escape the cold and all that it meant. He lost his confidence, answered his king's questions more often, and remained eternally trembling in Wukong's presence. Macaque changed from what the king remembered.
The more he did it, the less reality shook, and that was enough to assure the king that he was going on the right path. On rare occasions, the ice demon that followed him everywhere seemed to give the bone king a strange impression. It wasn't enough to shake the world, as it was with Macaque; but it left the bone king with an unpleasant feeling, and put him in a bad mood for the day. At those times, he sent the fake mayor elsewhere, or ordered him to go find Macaque for an even more unsatisfactory training session. Nevertheless ; and the king knew it, Macaque was the only one who was sufficiently at his level to hold out against him one on one for so long. And if the bone king was sometimes displeased enough that Macaque, during his unpredictable bursts of motivation, managed to make him flinch for a moment, to the point of causing the king to be more harsh towards Macaque, the shadow monkey would never know.
Today however was strange. The Bone King didn't know if the uneasy feeling he felt had to do with Macaque. For some time now, the shadow monkey had been getting closer, he had stopped fleeing from him. Now he was watching her from afar. He always stayed within sight, but did his best to keep the king from paying attention to him. Then he went back to hide for a few hours, and came back to see the king. The times when the two monkeys crossed paths were more frequent, and Macaque seemed to be more willing to initiate contact. It was strange…
New and familiar.
And today, the bone king was almost impatiently waiting for his weak little warrior to come within sight.
He saw her in the corridors. Macaque didn't seem to pay attention to the bone king. The king could see that the demon was preoccupied. By what ? He didn't know, but he figured it must be something to do with him. Him, or the strange kid who ran away from him and came from time to time to confront him before fleeing when Macaque noticed that he was in danger.
-Macaque.
The person concerned jumped violently when he felt his wrist being caught in the king's hand. The Bone King hadn't noticed that he had run to catch up with Macaque. Had he run? But how could he have arrived so quickly alongside the other? He could have teleported. Would he have done it unconsciously? Everything was too strange today.
-My king? You… do you need me?
Macaque's voice had faltered at first, but he brilliantly managed to show the king a half smile despite the trembling of his limbs and the worry in his eyes. A memory was superimposed on the scene. It was too fleeting for the king to retain it, however. The memory was something joyful. Sweeter than this strange moment. The Bone King took it as such, and he felt his tail hit the ground behind him. There was a little silence. Macaque's tail tightened a little on his leg as time passed without the king doing anything to release him. He would have problems, wouldn't he? He had noticed the movement of the king's tail, and it worried him to wonder what amused the king so much? What kind of sadistic thing could have crossed his mind? He never knew if it was the thoughts of the bone lady or Wukong that took priority in Wukong's behavior. When the king needed contact, Macaque knew it was Wukong, and when the king seemed to displease him more than usual, he knew it was the lady. Some days were more bearable than others. Macaque knew full well that the fact that one or the other took control of the bone king's mood changed nothing for him. Both beings hated him to the point.
-You've been acting strange lately.
Macaque's heart raced at the king's observation, and his tail tightened a little tighter against him. He didn't dare move, but his thoughts were racing. Had the king noticed something? So that was how long he had before Wukong and the lady noticed that Macaque had placed a seal on them. He had been stupid to think MK's plan would work. If Macaque could have easily left a magic seal on MK, without the latter noticing it; that would not be the case with the bone king. Obviously the latter would notice the shadow magic on him. Yet Macaque had been so active in being present to hide the fact that the seal was on the king. He had tried so hard.
“Sorry MK… it was a failure. »
Macaque thought as the king frowned a little more.
-It’s as if…
“Get it over with!” »
Macaque screamed internally as fear tore at him. He was totally in trouble.
However, the bone king does not finish his sentence. His world was starting to shake again. The memories came together before him. The face of someone smiling at him and telling someone he loved them. The memory of gentle caresses. The feeling of being supported in his cause, the memory of a rabbit so adorable in his frozen hands before his attention was drawn to a man with a bun, and a stern look, who seemed to be worried about him. Wukong's vision seemed to flicker between Macaque and the memories that burned his retina and melted his mind. Around him, the world was becoming blurry, as if it were going to disappear. Then, his heart jumped, when Macaque's face was covered in blood, Painful memories. Blood and flames on once-shining lands. A face destroyed by tears and blood; a little rabbit who died while crying for him. The feeling of injustice in the mix of memories he didn't even remember.
-something… whispers the bone king.
-Wukong?
The bone king did not correct Macaque. He was too focused on fighting his own thoughts, trying to even understand them. And Macaque's voice seemed to mingle with the memories. Be part of it. He seemed genuinely worried. The bone king's hand left Macaque's wrist to squeeze his shoulders.
-I… I always… I always wanted…
The Bone King searched for words as two states of thought screamed their worldview into his mind. His vision was swaying, and he clung to Macaque like one clings to a lifebuoy. The Bone King never knew what he said to finish his sentence. He doesn't even know if he even said anything. He just knows that Macaque looked at him with immense shock before his gaze softened,
and let fear not give way to worry. Concern for the king. The shadow monkey was still trembling when his hands approached the king's face, and he was still trembling when he silently asked the king to bend down to kiss his forehead.
-Don't cry, my king.
The bone king did not know to whom Macaque was speaking. The six-eared monkey often called him his king, but thought of someone else. But this time, he wasn't sure who this moment of comfort was for. The mode turned white on contact. Silence fell in his mind, his vision stopped disrupting his memories, and calm returned. He was himself again. Macaque still had his forehead pressed to that of the king, his eyes closed, his hands on his cheeks. The bone king is not sure when he knelt in front of Macaque to allow the latter to grant him this simple contact.
He also did nothing to push Macaque away, or to let him know that he was feeling better. Macaque had stopped shaking. Something so rare about the shadow monkey, and part of the king didn't want it to stop. He stayed like that for a minute, just enjoying Macaque's presence.
-My king? I did what you asked.
Macaque was the one who broke contact. This immediately soured the king's mood. Had he not sent this puppet far away? Oh ! That's right… he asked her to place a spy in this strange child's group. The Bone King immediately forgot what had just happened, and focused on the present moment. It's true. He should stop this kid and his friends from coming to bother him. They weren't a threat, but they were getting annoying. It was good to know that he could finally know when they would come to bother him, and act accordingly.
-That's good. Coldly congratulates the Bone King before turning his attention back to Macaque.
The latter was tense again in his presence. But the Bone King could still feel his world wavering slightly. It was annoying. But this day in general was strange.
-You.
-Yes? Macaque is quick to respond.
-Out of my sight.
Macaque did not hesitate. He fled immediately. The ice demon followed Macaque with his gaze until the latter disappeared, then he returned his attention to his king.
-Are you sure of yourself, my king?
The Bone King frowned.
-You think I'm not capable of knowing what I want?
-No! No, of course my king. I was just wondering if it was safe to let this simian get away with it. He could warn the group.
-Hm. Watch him.
The Bone King didn't miss how the fake mayor's smile had widened a little too much. He didn't like it. But he couldn't stay with Macaque here, now. The ice demon flew away, and the king groaned, placing a hand on his face.
-Strange…
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An End To Fate
The goddess watches while her chosen hero arrives at the culmination of his journey. He’s so close now. All he needs to do is raise the amulet and speak the invocation, and the goddess’s great enemy will at last be vanquished.
And yet, he collapses instead. He fails.
Another bad end.
The goddess rolls her eyes with contempt for how easily the demon queen undermines his purpose this time. She claims him, twists his mind and body to suit her disgusting whims, and uses him to repel the lesser knights the goddess sends to reclaim him.
She rejects this outcome the same way she rejected all the other tragic failures she watched play out.
Gripping the Fate-Ending Knife, she reaches as deep into the world as her influence stretches, and with a savage slash she severs this timeline. It thrashes, bleeding raw possibility over her hands as she pulls time’s amputated limb out of the world and tosses it into the pile with all the others.
Events reset. The fated hero is a child once again, full of potential.
And again the goddess laments her inability to reach further back. If she could reset to a point early enough, perhaps she could have chosen another soul altogether to lavish her attentions upon. This one has clearly not lived up to her ambitions.
She sighs. A garden of souls at her disposal, and she wasted so much of her time, power, and attention on one that should’ve been weeded out. She tried abandoning him as a lost cause on several timelines, but all would-be heroes without such soul-cultivation fared even worse. It seems there is no changing that choice now, unfortunately. All she can do is tweak his life’s path and hope things turn out differently.
Keeping him away from degenerate influences on his childhood has become a dance she knows well. She could do the steps in her sleep now. A tragic lightning strike kills the cross-dressing tailor before they meet. His tomboy sister drowns in the river before she decides to act on her more perverse inclinations. Then one of her more fanatical priests feels inspired to show the chosen one kindness when he loses himself in mourning.
Then the goddess falters, unsure what to change this time around. She has tried so many different strategies, none of which fundamentally changed the outcome of this conflict.
Well, perhaps there is one gambit she might take. It may be risky, but what does she have to lose?
When her chosen hero reaches adulthood, just as he grows ready to face the start of his destined journey, he is thrown from his horse in a tragic accident. He does not die, but he comes very, very close—close enough for her to snatch his soul from the world for a moment.
In her hands he stands—his soul taking a form matching his body at the time of his accident—looking up at his goddess in awe.
The goddess smiles down upon him. “How nice to finally meet you face to face, my very favorite waste of effort.”
It is her hero’s turn to falter, face twisting into a pathetic contortion of confusion, but why hold back now? The goddess finally has the chance to tell him exactly what she thinks of all his failures, and she decides to take advantage of it.
“I gave you everything. Every advantage. Strength unrivaled by all. I protected you. I guided you. You could have been unstoppable if you just put genuine effort into applying what I gave you.
“But you let me down. You disappointed me. You squandered all that potential.”
Tears flow down his cheeks. Her hero, crying! Such a pathetic display. “What have I done wrong?” he asks her.
Of course he doesn’t know. In this lifetime he hasn’t done anything to disappoint her yet. He will, though. That much is certain. Unless, of course, he could learn from his past mistakes.
The goddess drops him unceremoniously in front of the wretched tangle of dead timelines. They still quiver and shake and twist into each other in a huge, writhing pile.
The hero’s eyes widen, taking in countless lifetimes of failure.
She watches his soul’s projected form flickering, shifting between his body’s appearance in one timeline after another as his soul experiences the disappointing paths he walked, lifetime after lifetime.
Each shift, each flicker of shape, changes him slightly less than the one before as he approaches a more resilient average of all his self-images.
The goddess scowls, recognizing the body the hero slowly approximates. It’s one she always does her best to steer him away from. Sometimes it’s the tailor that puts the idea into his head, sometimes it’s his sister, sometimes it’s any number of others, and sometimes she truly has no idea where he gets it from.
Once it’s in there, he pursues the obsession with more devotion than he ever shows her.
In those lifetimes he is taken by this confusion, he finds the magic or the alchemy to reshape his body into something mangled and feminized, or else he is offered such a body during his confrontation with the demon queen in exchange for his allegiance. The goddess is never more disgusted with him than when he accepts such an offer.
And here he is, once again choosing to throw away the body she crafted for him to inhabit—ungrateful for it, even—in some mindless craving to be something he is not.
“Even now you fail me, learning the wrong lessons from your mistakes,” the goddess says. “Next time I will have to be more selective about what lifetimes I show you.”
Her fated hero—a man again grotesquely in the shape of a woman—turns to face her.
She sees no more reverence in his eyes. The groveling posture of an inexperienced whelp is replaced by the confident poise of a warrior who’s fought countless lifetimes of battle.
His glare is as blasphemous as his form.
“Every opportunity for happiness,” he says, voice higher pitched than it was when she pulled him from his life. “You erased them. None of my wives ever knew me now, or they no longer exist thanks to your meddling. My true goddess does not even remember my faithful service.”
“She is a demon, you pathetic good-for-nothing,” the goddess rasps, voice filled with spite. “I am your only true goddess!”
“You’re the one who took away all my happy endings!” The hero’s shouting catches her off guard. It is not as small as it should be.
When did his soul’s stature grow to where he could stare his own goddess in the eye with such venom?
The goddess’s eyes flick to the knife resting nearby. It has become time to end this attempt.
The hero parses the glance immediately. Many lifetimes of battle-hardened instincts explode into action.
The goddess, a being who had never fought her own battles in her immortal life, is simply too slow and too clumsy to stop the hero. Before she can react, the knife is pressed to her throat.
“You wouldn’t dare—”
The hero dares. With a savage slash, the Fate-Ending Knife spills a goddess’s blood, and a mortal woman takes control of her own life for the first time.
She can return to her body at the point they resuscitate her, bringing all this knowledge with her.
Or…
She stares at the knife in her hands. She remembers countless lifetimes of goddess-inflicted scars.
The hero makes up her mind.
Without hesitation, she reaches into the world—as deeply as she can—and severs this timeline.
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I’ve taken a night to get my emotions and my brain in order so now let’s talk: Percy Jackson and The Olympians Season One Finale. And oh my goodness you guys, I loved it so much. I cried, I screamed, and I drank blue cocktails. (we tried to make blue cookies as well but they just came out beige with the tiniest hint of kinda green, but they still tasted good)
BOOK AND SHOW SPOILERS AHEAD!
I have been a fan of Charlie Bushnell's Luke all season but I was really waiting for this episode to truly see his interpretation of the character and OH MY GOD HE DID NOT DISAPPOINT. I cried. He can freaking ACT and he was absolutely incredible (tbc I'm not saying no-one else has been acting to the same incredible standards because they absolutely have but I'm particularly praising him because this is really the first opportunity he's had to truly show us what he can do). The fact that the show managed to surprise me (as someone who was first read the books when I was six and has loved and reread them over and over again since) with the interpretation of Luke it presented completely blew me away, and I LOVE this interpretation of him so let's talk about it. I firmly believe that Percy and Luke are literary foils and each represent everything the other had the potential to become, so to see the set up of a potentially far more emotional arc for Luke was really beautiful to me and I think it was really well done; the fight scene in the forest so perfectly exemplified everything between them that is so similar and so distinctly different. The pain we saw in Luke in this scene was so genuinely moving and it I think it sets up a really interesting implication for his arc towards being willing to kill other demigods as either being slower or as being partly influenced by the pain he feels from losing Annabeth - when he looked at her I could hear I'm on her side, always. She's my little sister. and it was heart-breaking. At first I wasn't sure about the absence of the pit scorpion but I think it makes a lot of sense for this adaptation since if he was emotional and didn't want to kill Percy but had taken the scorpion out there with him it just wouldn't add up - however, I do think that Percy should have been injured in the fight. It didn't have to be anything that stopped the series from being PG because that would be unnecessary and as teens and adults who enjoyed the books a long time ago we know that this show isn't made for our age group so we shouldn't be expecting any gore or anything, but I do think that the show hasn't consistently represented the stakes as being as high as they were in the books. That being said, I adored this scene and the fight, I think it was absolutely the correct choice for this interpretation of Luke and maybe this is an unpopular opinion I don't know, but I am really glad that Annabeth was there because I think it's so important for her to be able to see this first hand instead of having the news passed on to her and it potentially gives us a really interesting set up to explore her emotional response to his betrayal in a slightly different way. It's also incredible to me to note that Luke's demeanour changed when Annabeth revealed herself; he is a different person in her absence because of the façade he puts up for her and this for me was really reflective of the way when Annabeth describes them first travelling to camp she idolises the way he fought off so many monsters to protect them but Thalia describes it as him picking unnecessary fights and endangering them.
This is maybe an inconsequential detail, but for me it was massive: the change in lighting at the betrayal reveal emphasised Luke's scar far more noticeably than before and in this moment, reminding book readers of the pain he went through and of Hermes' failures, Percy is literally seeing Luke in a new light. Incredible. Now maybe I'm just misremembering but I was convinced that it was in the first book that Luke told Percy how he got his scar, but I remember it being quite a brief retelling and Luke skating over the details quite quickly. I think that's because we only get it from Percy's perspective in the books and Luke is unable to fully articulate his experiences because of the pain it causes him, so I'm wondering whether not telling us about his quest thus far is because not having a limited POV is going to give us the opportunity to truly understand Luke's pain, and maybe even show us flashbacks, later on, which I think has brilliant potential and could be utterly heart-breaking and amazing if it's done well. I'm really glad that there's already been reference to May Castellan (the way I want to cry just thinking about herrrrrrr. I am not emotionally prepared to see May Castellan on screen anyway, but the prospect of seeing her during a far more emotional character arc for Luke is terrifying and so exciting and I can't wait it's gonna destroy me) and I although at first it struck me as strange that they'd included Hermes in season 1, I think I now understand that it was quite important for us to have a better understanding of Hermes attitude towards Luke and the fact that Annabeth had met him before very obviously explaining that there's more to understand about their relationship, but ALSO because it added so so much to the Percy/Luke parallels by showing us Hermes' failures and Poseidon's successes. I think that the presentation of Poseidon was so brilliantly done, I cannot explain to you the scream that I screamed when the camera panned round to reveal that Poseidon was standing in between Zeus and Percy; they so perfectly showed the awkwardness and discomfort of their relationship in synchronicity with Poseidon genuinely wanting to care for and protect Percy, and I think that it did such a good job of highlighting the difference between Hermes and Poseidon and the subsequent impact on Luke and Percy respectively. The first I heard that my sister had started watching the episode (tbc she knew I'd already finished it) was an all caps text message saying" HE SURRENDERED". Because that means SO MUCH to us as the viewer! It was massive!!!!!!!! It was incredible!!!! It also made so much sense as to why they had let the solstice pass, because we needed to see this and so much more importantly PERCY needed to see this. I hope I'm getting my point across this feels kind of like rambling nonsense, but when we have this more sympathetic image of Luke it is therefore so important to understand why we so confidently believe he's in the wrong and for me that came most prominently from the way Poseidon did enough for Percy to show him that he cared the only way he knew how to, and in Luke using Percy's own fatal flaw against him in their final sword fight. Percy's fatal flaw is his loyalty and in that fight the moment he thought he'd hurt Luke he stopped and apologised, only for Luke to exploit his feelings of friendship and use them against him to keep fighting. Again, I think this could have been more effective if Percy was actually injured but I understand why they didn't and I wouldn't have suggested they cut anything else to have enough time to include that.
And whilst we're on parallels as well, I don't think there are any words to explain what I felt when we heard "You didn't ask to be a half-blood". Like... yeah, literally nothing, I can't explain it, it was incredible.
I was going to talk about Annabeth being allowed to be a kid but I actually saw a post about that yesterday by @mydairpercabeth so I'll link it here.
Okay if you bothered to read this far thank you very much, let me know what you thought of the show and the finale too!! And also I've been avoiding talking about this too much up until now, I made a post when the first two episodes came out but I've been quiet since because I wanted to watch the whole season first, so if anyone wants more of this/wants thoughts on any of the other episodes let me know! Thanks for reading I hope it made some semblance of sense :)
#disney pjo#pjo series#pjo fandom#pjo spoilers#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo#pjo tv show#grover underwood#annabeth chase#percy jackson spoilers#percy pjo#percy and annabeth#percy jackson#percy series#grover#percyjackson#annabeth pjo#annabeth percy jackson#leah is our annabeth#percy jackson show#percabeth#percy jackson season finale#pjo meta#pjo show
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Simon who hates every scar on his body, from his top surgery scars to the Glasgow smile and every other mark between. He doesn’t wear them with honor like so many of the soldiers he knows- doesn’t even feel the slightest bit of pride in what he’s survived.
No his sense of masculinity and self worth was so damaged by his dad that he views each mark on his body as a failure. Too stupid, too weak, too slow, unable to save his mom, unable to save Tommy, unable to save his team from Roba, unable to save himself- even the matching crescents under his pecs that Gaz and Soap had been shocked to learn were quite old, so old it was a miracle he found someone to do the operation at all, don’t bring any kind of positive feeling to him it’s just another reminder of his body fucking failing him.
It breaks Johnny’s heart that he’s so deeply distraught by the marks on his body and he spends a ridiculous amount of time kissing them gently and reminding Simon how beautiful he is. He thinks of the scars completely differently to Simon- a constant reminder that he survived what no one else could.
He hates that someone so precious could’ve been hurt so much but throughout his entire life he survived every one of the horrible violent marks on his body, lived long enough to find him. Sometimes when they’re in bed and Simons in a particularly forgiving mood he kisses the painful pink smile carved crudely into his cheeks and tells him how good he is for waiting for him, for not giving up before they could find each other- tells him he’s brave for surviving everything just so they could meet.
It definitely makes Simon very emotional even if he doesn’t agree.
One day when they’re lounging around Johnny asks him if he has any scars he doesn’t hate and Ghost immediately points to a fairly fresh bullet scar on the outside of his thigh Soap is baffled as to why a random bullet wound, and particularly one that annoyingly knocked him out of commission for a couple weeks, would mean more to him than any of the more significant wounds he’s survived.
Simon just says that he likes it because it was for Johnny and he just sits frozen as Simon adds on that he likes all the scars he got protecting Johnny- those are the only ones that mean anything to him.
It’s something he thinks about a lot in the following months but he never expects that after Makarov he’ll wake up in a civilian hospital with Ghost pressed against his side, cradling his head as gently as possible and pressing kisses against his bandaged temple as he cries, apologizing profusely the whole time for not being fast enough.
Apologizing for not taking the bullet for Soap.
Soap can’t talk and can barely move at the time but he doesn’t forget those words even when everything else from that period blurs together.
When he’s finally released and honorably discharged with various medals he’s shocked when Simon tentatively brings up the incident with Makarov and asks him if he can forgive him, if he’ll still have him even though he couldn’t protect him. It’s absolutely insane to him that Ghost could even ask because they all know what they signed up for but the last thing Simon has ever done is not protect him.
Throughout his entire recovery the man was with him every day, his family had visited often as had Price and Gaz but no one had protected him like Simon. From the pity and discouragement and from himself. When the doctors said he’d never walk again he’d been crushed but Simon had just rolled his eyes and given him a look like ‘can you believe this guy?’ And it had been walking toward him clutching the rails for dear life in the PT room that he took his first steps into this new life.
Last night when he’d whispered into the dark of the hospital room his deepest insecurities that he’ll never be the same, that he might need help for the rest of his life Ghost hadn’t even hesitated before shrugging that it didn’t matter if he needed help because he would always be there if he did.
And now he was asking permission to rest after a lifetime spent in the trenches he was asking for gentleness and a life with him- most people would never understand the significance of that moment but from Simon it means more than a proposal ever could.
When they go home to his Glasgow flat together he sits on the couch while Ghost does the heavily lifting moving his things in alone and it takes everything in him not to cry when he pulls his shirt off to wipe some sweat away from his eyes with a tired smile before going back to work, pale skin flexing in the light, scars as much a sign of strength as his massive muscles.
When he’s done he makes them both coffee and settles into his side while Soap contemplates how to approach the idea he’s been mulling over for the last hour. Instead of bringing it up he reaches for the pen on the coffee table and starts sketching a slightly messy arrangement of flowers onto Simons upper arm opposite the tattoo sleeve.
He tries to pour all his affection and gratitude and love into each shaky stroke and line of the pen against his partners skin. Simon just hums contentedly, it’s not the first time they’ve done it and it won’t be the last but this is different than the little bar of soap and the Scottish thistle and little stars he’d sketched along the top of the unfinished sleeve Simon had got tattooed so long ago.
“S’ looks nice Johnny, spending a lot of time on it” he murmurs and Soap just bites his lip in concentration as he nods “Want this one to last” he admits as he adds another detail to one of the leaves in response as Simon lets out a surprised grunt. Sure he’s got several of Johnnys little doodles inked onto him permanently but it’s all random stuff and he’s certainly never asked Simon for this before or designed anything with the intention of it being a tattoo.
“Why this?” Simon asks confusedly and he briefly pauses with the pen “Cause you like the scars from saving me,” he blurts out like it hadn’t been an offhand conversation over a year ago “and in the hospital you apologized for not taking this bullet for me but you were wrong because you saved me from it in every way that coulda mattered- did so well mo ghràidh, you deserve a reminder- something pretty for doing so well.”
He’s half embarrassed to have said it and worried he’s overstepping but Simon just shudders and lets out a choked noise he thinks is his name before slumping shakily into his side as he finishes.
He does get it tattooed the next day and his big brown eyes tear up when Johnny kisses the saniderm and tells him again how good and strong and brave he was for protecting him.
It’s nearly a month later that Simon works up the courage to ask Johnny if he can decorate some of the other scars he got for him- to make them pretty. Since Simon is super into the meaning of different flowers and that’s the theme Johnny choose for the first tattoo he sticks with it for all the smaller ones, picking a flower that’s symbolic to how he got each scar.
He’s very careful not to cover the puckered skin at all, instead creating little rings of flowers around bullet holes and Simon gets each of them tattooed. It’s not many compared to the sheer amount of scars he has but the little flashes of color never fail to make Simon blush when he looks in the mirror and Johnny absolutely melts because he never could’ve imagined something so simple could keep Simon from flinching at his reflection.
Of course it reaches a point where all the scars Ghost has from protecting Soap are done, each having their matching flowers and he thinks it’s over.
But then he cuts his finger opening a jar for Soap who’s hands shake slightly and who’s grip is too weak to loosen the lid and when it heals into a thin white line Soap draws a single stem next to it.
And the same happens when he pushes an angry chihuahua off a terrified Soap and the dog doesn’t like his skull half mask, biting his ankle.
The tattoos draw attention to the scars Simon doesn’t hate and they stand out from the black and grey ones he’d had done in the military.
One day a few years into their marriage when Simon is working at his flower shop while Soap paints in the studio upstairs a young woman buying flowers for her friend asks him about the ring of small blue forget me nots looped around a circle of puckered pink flesh on his bicep where his shirt has ridden up. He proudly tells her that the scar is where he took a bullet for his husband and that Soap had drawn the flowers around each of the scars he got protecting him.
The woman tears up a bit at the story but it’s nothing to how Soap dissolves into silent tears in the stairway when he hears Simon share the story behind the markings with pride in his voice because he hadn’t ever though that was in the cards for him with how he talked about himself prior to the tattoos.
And it just hits him in that moment that they truly made it out in a way that so many who make it out on paper never manage. They’ve built this life together from the ashes of something difficult to even think about and it doesn’t fix any of the horrible things that were done to Simon but they made it out and they were safe now.
Most importantly he has made something Simon thinks is beautiful not only out of their life but out of the mess of gnarled scars on his skin.
He did that.
And Simon is a little confused by his clinginess that night but he absolutely melts into it as Johnny kisses each cluster of brightly colored flowers decorating his skin.
#call of duty#trans ghost#soapghost headcannons#mw3#soap cod#cod#soapghost#john soap mactavish#ghoap#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#ghostsoap#tattoo and flower shop au#scars
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In the Moshang Wing!AU, what are the other peak lords reactions to SQH's wings? How are they revealed? (Will it be a dramatic reveal, eg. Rescuing his disciples or protecting non-cultivators from demons?) What are other people's reactions? I both want and don't want to know the OPM's reaction to SQH's wings. Creep.
Are you giving him red-crowned crane wings like @mediumsizedpidegon suggested, or are you sticking to the typical angelic white?
Every time I get an ask about Wings!Moshang AU I go feral and come out the other end with so many muse for this 😫is it a curse
—
When head disciple Shang Qinghua is reported missing, there are no alarms raised on Cang Qiong Mountains.
After all, is there any point? He has gone missing before. The first time was before he was ever even an inner disciple of An Ding. It’s a pattern, it’s a habit — it’s become a characteristic of his.
In the beginning, of course there had been worry, concern, scolding. However, as the years climbed onward, one truth became apparent to everyone, and it was this; if Shang Qinghua was missing, he would not be found.
Each and every time, no matter how long it takes, he always comes crawling back on his own.
No amount of search parties dispatched would would ever find a single clue as to his whereabouts. After a decade of failures, they just stopped trying.
Perhaps such a circumstance might make some suspicious. Spies amongst the sects are not unheard of, after all, and Shang Qinghua’s regular disappearing acts would go hand in hand with such a position.
Yes, the idea was brought up more than once in some meeting or other, though in the end nothing much was done about it. This was because they could all eventually agree on one thing — that Shang Qinghua did not have the temperament of being a spy.
He is a people pleaser. The type of disciple that would scramble with desperation the second he got it in his head that something might be expected of him. That didn’t change much after he became a head disciple, which might make some sneer at him, but to others it was almost endearing.
Someone like that would not have the ability to even encounter the thought of turning coat to serve another side.
And so Shang Qinghua was left to his devices, disappearing from the sect and then reappearing later with barely anyone batting an eye beyond some frustration of certain forms and reports being left untouched in his absence. Deadlines did have to be kept, after all, no matter the strange habit.
Which is why no one questions it when Shang Qinghua missed a head disciple meeting. He’s missed them before, and it had only been three days since he was last seen on his peak. He’s never been gone for more than a week. With no important matters being discussed, anything that might concern him was simply pushed to the next meeting and this one concluded without him. Business continued as normal within the mountain sect.
It was his subsequence absence at said next meeting that finally managed to raise a few eyebrows.
Head disciple meetings are a biweekly affair, wherein all twelve head disciples gathered to discuss the running of the different peaks and talk business. They are preliminary meetings to the peak lord meetings that they will be conducting in the future, once the current peak lords ascend.
For Shang Qinghua to miss not only one, but two of such meetings, with no report of him being seen anywhere in the sect between them, is to say that Shang Qinghua has been missing for over two weeks. Twice as long as he has ever been gone before.
The subject of the second meeting leaned more toward discussing the possible whereabouts of the head disciple of their fourth peak rather than anything else. The debate was inconclusive, and the meeting adjourned with more questions than answers.
After all, when Shang Qinghua has disappeared, he cannot be found until he choses to return.
The pressure of being a head disciple, it was theorized, must be getting to him. Running away to escape the demands of the position, even for a little bit, is nothing to frown at. Sometimes we all need room to breathe.
And, in the end, no matter how long he is gone, he always returns.
This time he is gone for longer, but nothing is done. He is their brother, they say, and they have to trust that he will come back as he always has.
Another week goes by with no sign of the missing head disciple. It’s here that worry finally begins to get the better of them. Was their trust misplaced after all? Did something… truly happen, this time?
Or, was something happening each time, every time he was gone, and he never told anyone, and none of them ever noticed?
They can do nothing but make guesses. It’s a powerless feeling. They are disciples of a powerful cultivation section, but not even their search talismans are working. Which has always happened when someone tries to find Shang Qinghua after he’s disappeared, but it’s nonetheless disheartening that it still doesn’t work now, when something might honestly be wrong.
They go to their peak lords, who lend hand in the search. Just as before, though, there are no results. Shang Qinghua cannot be found, and it would be damn impressive if it wasn’t so worrying.
They can only wait.
It’s a few days before the third biweekly meeting that Shang Qinghua finally does crawl his way back to the sect.
The reason for his disappearance this time not a single one of them could have ever guessed correctly even if they’d been given hints. It’s something that would have never occurred to them even at their most imaginative.
After all, this is Shang Qinghua they’re talking about. Small, cowardly, somewhat reliable but not exactly trustworthy, never the strongest. Out of every cultivator in China, he’s the last one anyone would have thought this could happen to.
His return is abrupt and with no little drama. He appears directly in Mu Qingfang’s hospital office, the torn remnants of a teleportation talisman clutched in bloodied fists. He’s curled in on himself, robes as red as his hands and clearly injured. There’s blood all over him, coating his limbs and his face, even his—
— wings.
My Qingfang gapes. Unprofessionally, it takes him far too many lengthy moments to gather himself together, and when the implications of what’s happened finally hit him, the head disciple of the medical peak goes deathly pale.
This brother of his, this small and shy and flighty shixiong. This seemingly subpar cultivator whose faithfulness to the righteous path and their own sect has been ruthlessly questioned by even himself like the rest of their martial sibling again and again.
He’s grown wings. He’s been gone for three and a half weeks and in that time he has grown wings.
Mu Qingfang scrambles to kneel next to his shixiong, hands raised but not touching Shang Qinghua’s huddled form. He can see that he is trembling from the pain, and it is no wonder — three weeks; his blood congealing and already dried in places. His face beneath the red is paler than a ghost.
The — wings, are tucked in tightly against his back, and they twitch and spasm with his pain and discomfort. They’re unkempt and dirty and shivering. Mu Qingfang can’t even see what color they are beneath the grime.
Goosebumps prickle at Mu Qingfang’s skin, raising the hairs on the back of his neck as he stares at the wings, then at his unresponsive shixiong. He finally places a hand on Shang Qinghua’s shoulder, and Shang Qinghua flinches away from him.
Mu Qingfang swallows. He lunges up from the floor and shouts for his aids, his peak lord, anyone.
Three weeks. Missing. Presumably alone the entire time.
Wings.
He’s be surprised if Shang Qinghua managed to keep his sanity, after all this.
__
As for the other questions… you’ll have to wait and see :3
Moshang Wings AU:
MBJ’s initial reaction, wings AU origin post, MBJ’s full reaction (in progress), SQH wing fanart, vodka’s SQH wing art…
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Hey guys! I'm back to talk about something that I've been thinking about for a solid week and I'm ready to info dump.
So, I've been thinking about just how much Percy and Luke are the same character. They are so much the same and it's really amazing just how much detail and thought Rick put into making it where Luke and Percy go through so many of the same things and life experiences.
Like, It's something that I had noticed from the beginning, but it wasn't until just recently when I reread some parts from The lightning thief, and the from The diary of Luke short story, that I realized just how similar Luke and Percy are.
Let's start with just the way both of their characters are written. They both have the same underlying anger towards their fathers for leaving their mother's alone to deal with terrible things. In Sally's case, that is Gabe. In May's case it's the curse of Delphi that has driven her insane.
Both Luke and Percy have the same feelings of self doubt. The way they treat and talk to their friends or people they consider important, are very much the same. They act the same towards people who they don't know and don't trust. They have that same underlying snarky humor. It was scary how when I was reading TDoL, that I thought I was just reading something from Percy's pov.
And that's far from all of it! Another thing that I realized that they have in common is that there is a character that represents the promises that they couldn't keep or fullfil. Let me explain.
With Luke, that character is Annabeth. In TDoL, Luke promises Annabeth that Thalia and he would be her family. Did he know how to even be a family given that he had never had one? No. But he was going to try for Annabeth. However, he wasn't able to keep that promise, especially with Kronos brain washing and manipulating him. Breaking that promise is something that he feels guilty for all the way to his death. It was a constant reminder that he had failed those he held dear.
With Percy, that character is Nico. In The Titans Curse, Nico makes Percy promise that he would protect Bianca and make sure that nothing happens to her. Percy says that he's not sure if he could do that. He had no idea he would even be able to protect himself, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't try to keep his promise to Nico. Unfortunately, he's not able to and Bianca dies. He wasn't able to keep his promise and that guilt follows him. And Nico himself was a reminder for sometime of the promise that Percy wasn't able to keep.
So in short, Nico is to Percy what Annabeth was to Luke. A physical manifestation of their inadequacy and failure.
Both Percy's and Luke's stories have so many parallels to them and it's quite clear to see. Which is why I find it a bit funny when others say that, "Percy would've never done what Luke did!" To which I have to say, "are you sure?"
Because really, there would've only needed to be one major change and Percy could've easily ended up in Luke's position. If Sally wouldn't have been a strong pillar for Percy. If she would've ended up like May, it would've been quite easy to get Percy to change sides. Because it's quite evident that Percy loves Sally and would do anything if it meant making her happy and keeping her protected. If Kronos would've went to Percy instead and promised to help Sally and keep her protected, Percy would've joined him. Because let's not forget that Percy's fatal flaw being loyalty gets him into some rough situations if he thinks that he'll be able to help or save a loved one. It would've been easy for Kronos to manipulate him like that.
The only main difference with Percy and Luke, is that if Percy would've been the one that Kronos was able to manipulate into being his vessel? He would've won. With Percy's amazing power and strength combined with the power of Kronos, the gods would've never stood a chance. Not to say that Luke didn't have his strengths. He was cunning and charming. He had a fierce determination to see change. He was able to rally others to his cause.
However, Percy also shows those same attributes in his own journey. There is a reason why everyone else at Camp Half Blood so willingly rallied behind him and trusted him as leader, and it wasn't just because of the amount of times he had saved the world at that point. There was a reason why so many people were drawn to Percy, and not all of it was just Aphrodite playing with his love life.
Long story short, Luke and Percy are basically the same character with just how much they have in common, and I think it's time that we talk about it more 😌💜
(Ps. Sorry I wasn't on here for a good bit. I'm ok, life has just been... Rough. But I'm back to my usual delusional ramblings again 😌👌)
#but seriously#i could write a whole essay on this#because there are just that many parallels that it insane#luke castellan#percy jackon and the olympians#pjoverse#percy jackson#nico di angelo#riordanverse#nico pjo#hoo fandom#annabeth chase
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“You assume Belos’ goal comes from a genuine place. But that man doesn’t care about anything but his need to be the hero in his own delusion, and because of that, he fears what he can’t control.”
I think of this line in the context of the previous episode being For the Future, and how the Titan’s description of Belos is meant to contrast with who Luz is as a person. Because in FtF’s climax, Camila has a breakthrough with Luz regarding her self-loathing for mistakes and things that frankly were out of her control, that Luz shouldn’t blame herself for; As Camila reminds her daughter, mistakes happen sometimes. That’s okay. And we try to prevent bad things from happening…
But in Camila’s case especially, that attempt to control things to protect her daughter just alienated Luz, hurt her deeply. Likewise, Luz’s hero complex evolves over the course of the series… It becomes less openly glamorous and more ‘humble’, but in a way it still exists. When Luz blames herself for her friends being separated from their parents even though that wasn’t even her call, it’s because she thinks she’s the hero. When she blames herself for helping Philip, it’s because Luz is the hero. When Luz, a freaking teenager, can’t help Eda against this genocidal dictatorship, it’s because Luz is the hero and she’s failed.
Luz still has this unhealthy expectation of herself; Where she’s supposed to actively repent for her past selfishness and mistakes by fixing everything. She’s supposed to be the friend who takes the burden for others, who doesn’t saddle them with her own issues. Luz is supposed to help Eda with her curse, and later with her family situation with Gwen. Luz is trying to direct her attention outwards, towards others, but there’s ultimately this unintentionally self-centered approach where if bad things happen, it’s a reflection on Luz as a person, and she is basically the only who can determine what happens, the input of others ignored.
That leads to risky maneuvers, like when Luz attempts to take Hunter's place against Belos at the skull, or hides the truth to keep the others from worrying. It’s this misguided desire to be the self-sacrificial martyr, another kind of hero. It’s this need to feel like Luz is in control; That she CAN fix things on her own, that she CAN help, and she COULD have done something, meaning if things go wrong regardless, it’s Luz’s fault.
It’s a double-edged sword of claiming autonomy, because it means Luz refuses to blame outside factors for her failures, it’s all on her. It’s comforting in its own way to think she could’ve done something better, because it means Luz can do better next time, right? It means Luz doesn’t have to worry about the uncertainty of the future if she just tries hard enough, correct?
But Camila has to remind her daughter that you can try your best and still fail. You’re still human (for lack of a better term), just as Willow is when she isn’t able to keep everything going smoothly in that same episode. And that’s alright; You can take responsibility, but you can’t overcompensate and consider yourself the ‘hero’ in charge of everyone’s wellbeing. Which brings me back to that point about the Titan summarizing the differences between Luz and Belos, what makes one good and the other bad, so to speak;
Belos fears what he can’t control, because he needs to be the hero who controls everything and can accomplish whatever he wants; Look how much he thrives on having control over people, manipulating them, adapting to a situation, it makes him feel clever and superior. But Luz, while she afraid for a bit… Thanks to her mother, she’s finally begun to accept that she can’t control things. Luz isn’t the perfect hero, she needs the help of others. She’ll make mistakes, or even make no mistakes and still lose! Luz can’t do everything to look after her mother or vice-versa, you have to let people do their own thing, and that also includes herself.
Luz does legitimately care about others; She’ll consider other points of view, like she did when showing sympathy to Amity early in their interactions. Luz can reevaluate what she does because it’s about doing right, not being right, even if it might not be as glamorous. Contrast that with Belos, who refuses to admit that he could’ve made the wrong call about witches and his brother, because then he’s not the hero.
And his need to be right matters more than helping people, which is why Belos sacrifices his own brother rather than letting go of that narrative of himself as the one saving humanity. If he were just misguided, he’d have eventually accepted there was nothing to worry about (Philip is very perceptive, he can tell), but Belos didn’t because that meant no longer being the hero, and he knew his priorities when pushed to choose only one. A classic case of bias distorting reasonable analysis.
They both wanted to be the hero, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that; After all, Eda specifies at the end of Witches before Wizards that you can still healthily engage with reality, while also working to achieve your dreams. That’s how Luz’s character arc ends, too; She gets to become the hero she wanted to be, while still engaging with the people and world around her and not becoming entitled or arrogant.
There’s nothing wrong with Luz wanting things for herself, nothing wrong with Luz thinking about or prioritizing herself, despite what her self-loathing claims. Despite her decision to stay in the human world because choosing a place she’s happy is a mistake that hurt her mother. But you have to keep other people in mind… You have to critically examine and ask yourself; Is it really about helping others and making sure all is okay, or is it simply the satisfaction of being the savior who corrects these NPCs, and wants an evil to campaign against? Which will you prioritize? This is especially relevant in progressive circles, which fits given TOH’s politics.
Likewise, you gotta remember yourself, too. You don’t have to be 100% pure and selfless in your motives when helping people, it’s okay to want to be loved in return. You don’t have to necessarily choose between others and yourself, and Luz doesn’t have to choose between both worlds, or what kind of magic she uses, her type of Palisman, etc.
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I've discussed it before and since one of my older post about is it being liked again, I'll discuss it again!
Feral Zoro
Feral Zoro gives me so feelings.
The crew goes nuts during battle sometimes and that's not something you can just turn off. And sure, the others can be wild and fierce but Zoro has battle carved in his bones. The rumble of war drums and old prayers said before battle to wrathful gods are all layered in his pulse.
And all that desire, that relentless fury and strength, went from protect myself and my dream to protect them and their dreams.
Protect Luffy.
Nami.
Sanji.
Usopp.
Robin.
Chopper.
Franky.
Brook.
Jinbei.
Sunny.
I imagine that mantra is louder than anything else during those fights, the urge to protect and defend.
Don't you dare let them get past you. Don't you even think of losing this fight. You have to be the best because if you aren't that means someone else is... And what if that person is the enemy?
Failure is not an option because someone is relying on you.
You can cry with grief until your eyes are swollen and dry like the world feels at that moment, or curse every god you can think of with snarled anger at the sky, or let yourself drift away for a little while all the agony and pain you put your body through comes racing in with thunderous noise, later.
But now... Right now you hold it together.
There is no other option.
You stop when your blood has soaked into the earth so much it's started pooling on the surface or until your body gives up and moving is almost a foreign word.
You can rest when they do. When they are safe. You don't stop before then because you can't.
And while I think Luffy is fantastic at leaving it all out in the field, Zoro really lets himself slide into that mindset in a way far different from Luffy.
And I can't imagine it's easy to settle down after those battles. I'm not talking about the small battles or the ones where they leave a little beat up but okay overall.
No.. I'm talking about the ones that change them. Where at some point, or perhaps multiple, the thought crosses their mind that this might be it.
I've never been in a situation like that obviously, but I know how I get when I get anxious and overwhelmed. Even once the problem is fixed and things settle back down, I'm running around checking on things and watching everything. Heart still ready to start running laps again and nerves pulled tight.
That's a work environment. Granted a very important and stressful work environment but no one will die at my job. My loved ones will not be hurt because of something I do or don't do at work.
Now take that to a scale that comprises of the big battles they've had. That's a whole lot of feeling and adrenaline to just let go of.
And I love after fights where the crew just kind of all go limp and happy because it's done and Luffy won because of course he did.
But...
I think Zoro probably paces a lot those nights, silent and one with the shadows. Heavy boots making the softest thud, the gentle chimes from his earrings, and the quiet noise his swords make as they knock against each other.
Pacing the deck over and over if they're on the Sunny.
Up and down hallways if they're someplace different.
Even around the room.
He just embodies that caged tiger vibe.
They can't rush him. He has to relax on his own but they all help.
He's a little unpredictable and wild eyed like this but they're not scared of him, could never be truly scared of someone who is such a huge part of who they are.
They settle him like a tiger.
With space to spread his legs and get out any extra energy. They let him pace his territory and check on them, even though tigers aren't pack animals. They coax him into the kitchen to eat and replace the energy his body burned through, even though he doesn't register he's hungry. They patch him up with slower movements than normal and try to calm him each time he tenses up and his muscles jump.
Sometimes he stays bloody and raw until several hours later, when he's finally calm enough to take off all the grime and blood like it was a final layer of armor left from the battle.
Sometimes it takes longer, and they wait it out with him until he's ready to come back.
And they'll die before they tell anyone but Zoro's a cuddler, especially after episodes like that. Cat like cuddles all the way.
#one piece#zoro#luffy#sanji#tony tony chopper#nami#brook one piece#usopp#franky one piece#robin nico#jinbei#mugiwara pirates#straw hat crew#mugiwarapirates#strawhats#thousand sunny#setting sail with greyskyflowers
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The landlady
After collage I took a job 300 miles away. To a city I knew no one. I took what little money I had saved and my few possessions and set out. I rented a room from a middle age woman. Well the job although would eventually be good for my career. The pay didn't go as far as I anticipated. Everything was much more expensive here. My father was one of those men where failure is not an option.
Jackie my landlady is a loving woman. She is short and a little chubby. But always with a smile on her face. But when fell more then a month behind on the rent she sat me down.
"Paul, I know you have been working hard. But we must all pay our way." She said patting my leg. I went to speak but she hushed me.
"Now there are other ways to pay your way" she unbuttoned her blouse. I sat up straight.
"I don't, I mean I am flattered. But I couldn't take advantage of you" I told her.
"Young woman have been paying thier way with sex for centuries." She removes her shirt. And stands
"Now I know you haven't even been on a date since you moved in, 8 months ago. That is way to long for a young man to hold it in" she dropped her pants. And stood before me in a plain white bra and black panties. She took my hand and led me to her room.
"Now you do no how to eat pussy don't you?" She smiled pushing me on the bed. She removed her panties and sat on my face. She hovered just above my mouth now let's see what you got" she said I started to kiss and lick her. To be honest I had only done this a few times with an ex. After a few moments she stopped me and got off.
"Okay, so you lack experience. Let's hope this works better." She said pulling off my pants and boxer. My dick was rock hard. But Jackie made a disappointing face when she saw it. It didn't stop her she mounted me my 5 inches slid into her very wet pussy easily. She removed her bra and her large breast looked good but sagged.as she rode me I got very excited quickly. I went to stop her. We had not used protection I thought. But I finished before I could.
"What was that?" She scolded.
"Sorry, I mean are you on the pill" I asked as I started to get up.
"That's it? I have to tell you it was the most disappointing time in my life" she was yelling at me.
"Get your ass back on this bed, you aren't going anywhere. Now you owe me $1200. What you just did was worthless. But I will give you $50.
"Jackie, I don't understand" I stuttered.
"You are going to pay me back or you can leave now" she told me.
"What would you like me to do" I said defeated.
"I will teach you to please a woman for free and once you can I will let you work off your debt. She looked at me with a evil smile.
"We could start with you licking your pathetic mess out of me" She told me. Straddling my face. I tried to turn my head.
"Stop, you are going to do this. Don't worry know one will know" she said. As a glob of cum fell on my lips. With no other option I open my mouth and lick up my own cum. Jackie tried to give me instructions on how to please her. I had swallowed all my cum. When Jackie gets off me. She sits on the bed and spreads her legs.
"Look" she was annoyed as she pointed and touched herself. "Suck here, lick even nibble"she walked me through a woman's pleasure ananatamy. She positioned so I could see. Then had me try. Different things, starting and stopping.
"And you can stick your tounge in my ass as well" she told me. After about 30 minutes she let me have a go. Telling me to mix it up surprise her. Pay attention to her moans and noises. I bury my head between her thighs and eventually make her cum.
"Much better, unfortunately we can't do anything about your size but we can work on stamina." She informed me. "That is unless you milked eating your own cum" she got up and went to shower.
I went back to my room. Abita ashamed but I had just had sex for the first time in over a year.
The very next morning, Jackie entered my room and woke me as she got on my bed she was naked and straddled my face. I didn't hesitate I tried to remember everything she had taught me. She shifted at one point and my tounge slid between her ass cheeks. I had no choice but to lick her asshole. She loved this. And pressed hard against my face smothering me. I drove my tounge into her asshole. It seemed to open up for me. She came and calmed letting me breath. She just got up.
"Don't take care of this, I may have use for it later" she said grabbing my hard dick. I got up and took a cold shower. I came out to find Jackie had made me breakfast. She only wore a robe. I found I couldn't even look Jackie in the eye.
"Paul, you will need to become an expert in oral. Or you will never keep a woman with your little dick" she said bluntly. I had never thought I was small. Average wasn't I?
"Well that is unless you let her cuckold you of course" she added.
"Cuckold?" I asked
"Um, let her have lovers" she said then looked in my eyes to see if I understood. I was confused why would anyone let thier girlfriend take lovers? She saw my confusion.
"Some men love it when thier girlfriend, wife take bigger better lovers. While they stay faithful. Some like to watch thier wife get fucked by other men. Some wear panties and take on the more submissive role in the relationship.
"This all makes you excited" Jackie said. Getting up and grabbing me thru my pants.
"No its, well your breadt are hanging out" I tried to explain. She just smiled. Letting it go. I spent the day looking for a part time job. When I got home. Jackie was getting ready to go out for the evening. Was home alone I had no money so I just stayed home and watched TV. Jackie came home about 11. She walked in and grabbed my hand and led me to her bedroom. She was naked in a flash and again laid me on the bed and mounted my face. I instantly had my mouth full of another man's cum. Jackie rode my face making me take it all. I didn't stop until she came again on my tounge.
"Did you like that?" She asked. But grabbed my dick it was rock hard she took that as a yes. She took my dick in her mouth. After a few minutes I feel her push her finger into my ass. She focuses on my ass. Fucking me with her fingers. Before I came in her mouth she jumped up and kissed me feeding me my own cum. Then having me suck on her tits. She held me and had me sleep in her bed that night.
in the morning I woke with her holding me.
"Morning sleepy head" she said kissing me. I was a bit thrown.
"What?" Jackie laughed
"You're old enough to be my mom" I said
"So you want to call me your momma" she laughed. This all got her riled up.
"I want to teach you all about pleasure" she cooed grabbing my dick she starts to jerk me off. As she did she laid so she was behind me. And nibbled on my ear. She would start and stop.
"Tell me about your sex history" she whispered. I told her about my two girlfriends one in high school one in college.
"Any boys, you know a experiment" she asked.
"No" I moaned as she stopped again
"You seemed to like my lovers cum, maybe you should try one" she teased. She didn't let me finish instead smacked my ass. Gave me money and sent me to go buy coffee. I got up dressed and went to buy breakfast.
when I got back Jackie was waiting in her robe. After we finished she looked at me
"Strip" she told me. I still wanted to cum so I did. I stood naked in the kitchen. Jackie comes up behind me and bends me over the table.
"I want you to be my little boy toy. You can leave here for free and I will make you feel more pleasure then you ever imagined" she holds me I fell something cold poke my ass. She applies lube to my asshole.
"Jackie no please" I wimpered as she worked in her fingers. But found myself moaning as she did.
"I know it feels amazing" she assured me. She replaced her fingers with something else it was big it hurt as she worked it in. Soon the pain turned to pleasure as she fucked my ass in long strokes. I found myself pushing back to meet her thrust. She reached around and stroked me twice I shot my load on all over the table.
"Lick it up bitch" I did as told as she still fucked my ass. Jackie finally pulled out I was barely able to stand.
"You are mine, I will take care of you, support you, you will be my little submissive sex toy"
I moved into her room. Although since I no longer paid rent Jackie made sure I didn't waste my money saving it for a rainy day. She was actually a year older then my mother. She would go on dates a few times a month and always came home and fed me another man's cum. Which was followed by her fucking my ass. But I spent most nights with ,y head buried between her thighs. It was three years before I got a promotion and made enough money to get my own place. But would still go back to visit whenever I needed a refresher in pleasure.
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Based on my recent art here, I wanted to ramble a little bit about Glam Henry!
Now, admittedly, though I am a longtime FNAF fan, I haven’t really kept up with the lore, and may be rusty on anything past Security Breach or Books related. This is all just my own interpretation, less of a theory, more a part of my au, and something I think makes sense narratively.
I’ll start with how I handle/rewrite (?) Security Breach, because, as much as I love the game, flaws and all, story-wise I have some issues. So, I tend to go my own way with it, something that links more closely with the ending of FNAF 6.
I like the idea of Gregory investigating the past of the Fazbear Company, for whatever reason you may personally have, and I also like to interpret Security Breach as the consequences for hiding the past, letting it repeat itself over and over. Henry’s final speech works on an emotional level, it’s the words of a broken man who has nothing left to lose, who just wants this all to end, but take note of his words.
“This place will not be remembered and the memory of everything that started this can finally begin to fade away, as the agony of every tragedy should.”
Maybe I’m misinterpreting it, and feel free to disagree, but Henry’s plan here is… to allow this to be forgotten. Hell, that’s probably why he’s letting himself burn. He can see nothing ahead for himself, he is a part of this past, this tragedy, that he wants to fade away. But that’s the issue, the tragedy never truly got the attention it deserved in the first place. So many deaths followed by excuses and coverups, the company did everything they could to hide the darkness that shadowed their franchise. Though he has arguably good intentions, Henry’s actions are still similar to those who tried to hide the past before him.
And again, I don’t think this lessens the weight of his speech, if anything, it amplifies it to me. It’s tragic, what lengths this man will go to, to end it all, but it will never end, because you can hide away what was done, but it will always come back to haunt - quite literally in this case. Henry, logically, should have stuck around to make sure that this truly was the end, but he didn’t.
And this is why I believe in Glam Henry from a narrative perspective.
There’s the tragic irony of it all, trapped in the same position his daughter was, the one he tried to free, and in some ways, his situation could be viewed as a personal hell, akin to William’s in UCN. I live for William and Henry as parallels.
The irony is also in the fact he’s now become a part of the very franchise he wanted to see forgotten, the leading member of the band no less.
It is both punishment, and a second chance.
He, upon becoming aware of his situation - because I don’t think he was completely aware at first - has a front row seat the expansion of the franchise, the opposite of what he wanted, and again, kids are going missing, and again, a rabbit lurks in the shadows. The failure of his plan, of his ideals, laid out before him.
But, it also means he can try again. Gregory especially is significant I think. As Freddy, protecting kids is part of his programming, but Gregory is a different situation, he’s not meant to be there, and he’s in genuine, constant danger, hunted by Vanny, by a rabbit killer. And If you believe Gregory and Evan lookalike, and that Evan’s death kickstarted it all, there’s an added layer. Gregory isn’t Evan, but symbolically, by protecting him, keeping him safe, it’s like a vow to never let this tragedy begin again, to end the cycle here and now.
Henry couldn’t keep Charlie safe, keep those kids safe, but maybe he can keep Gregory safe. Maybe he can make this count.
And so he’ll go along with Gregory, uncover the hidden tragedy of Freddy Fazbear’s, and his own identity and past, and face the restless spirits that refuse to be forgotten. Maybe, maybe then, it can end.
I do have a lot more stuff for him, but that delves heavily into AU territory so I’ll probably make a separate post. Eventually.
My final note on Glam Henry is just how interesting it is for a morally grey character like Henry, who’s willing to go to extremes if he must, to be paired with an AI that’s moral and objectively good. Two opposing personalities melded together, each influenced by the other… maybe this explains Glamfrock Freddy’s fatherly behaviours…
That aside, if you read all of this, holy shit. I hadn’t meant to ramble this much.
And again, if I got anything wrong, I apologise, but you’ll find I am dying on this hill so good luck convincing me it’s a bad hill to die on! You can’t!
Alright, this has been my Glam Henry propaganda, written edition.
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The Fallen Angel
Ezephr's Backstory
— 2
Content Warnings: : Human experimentation, child experimentation, kidnapping, violence, toying with people, mentions of death, abuse/starvation, mentions of children killing each other, dehumanization, mentioned cannibalism, bullying
Chapter 2 — Bread
He wasn't sure how long they'd been in this place, but he eventually learned the word ‘cage’. That's where they all were, apparently. For the moment, X1 was huddled up in the corner with X4, attempting to stay hidden from their cellmates. He’d heard the people dressed strangely say that word when talking about them all. At least it wasn't too hard to figure out what was being said. So far, they were all being ignored--food was tossed inside randomly, and sleep was rare. Every time he tried to get rest, those people would close in on them.
That is to say…he’s been protecting X4, taking the hits for her, giving her some of his food so she wasn't hungry, and barely sleeping. He would've done more, but she’d already resisted him giving her all his food, so he was relenting. For now. It wasn't too hard to act as a shield though, seeing as she’d freed his wings when she woke up. Turns out she was just passed out, but not actually hurt that badly--X4 was awake later that night, confused and trying to hold him like she had earlier. While he'd been glad she was okay, he was forced to stop her to avoid extra attention.
He stared at the others present in the room, eyeing even his other two siblings. They, from the beginning, ended up crying and obeying their cellmates. Sometimes they acted like who they were, but every now and then those two would attempt whatever the older ones had taught them. X1 wasn't stupid, though. He paid attention when they were shown how to do something, watching from his corner. Everyone in here acted like they had to be mean and hit people to get anything…maybe they did. The only problem with that, is he was weak.
There was never a time that he’d been very athletic…he could clearly remember the day his father found out, the look he'd been given. It made him feel like a failure. He wasn't sure how to fix that though, was there some sort of trick to it? Maybe he could heal himself while being hit? He’d just run out of mana before they would stop attacking, he wasn't strong with his magic either. His eyes went to X4, who was sitting similarly to him and staring nowhere, having acted differently ever since they got here. Was he capable of protecting her?
While he was thinking, a person in one of those same dark outfits from that day went by all the cells, as silent as ever. This was a repetitive event he’d seen many times before…they were getting food. Well, he didn’t know if it counted as food compared to what he’d grown up with, but it kept him and X4 from starving. His eyes darted to the older kids when the cart got closer, worried about what they might do this time. The cart rattled as it passed, pieces of old, dry bread being chucked into their shared cage. Hurriedly, he shoved himself forward to grab two of them.
A sudden shift of mood had his body reacting on pure instinct as his feathers quivered and his wings moved to act as a shield. He was just in time, too, as a fist connected with one of the wings in place of his head. He grit his teeth and made no sound, trying to ignore how his now injured wing quivered in pain. He looked up to be greeted by an enraged face, but he still clung to the two precious pieces of bread he retrieved for himself and X4. She wasn’t the same anymore, but he wouldn’t let her starve either.
They sneered at him and went to kick him this time. In response, he curled up to let his wings fully hide him inside of them, tumbling from the impact but still remaining silent. “The fuck are you always needing two for?! You get one, you damn wimp. Get up!” He shook for a moment, saying nothing, but eventually peeking out of his wings at the violent older girl in front of him. Her sharpened teeth were bared at him, a striking contrast of ivory against onyx skin. He looked to her wire thin tail that lashed behind her with as much rage as her expression.
Well then. He stood up, letting his wings relax and brushing himself off before meeting her striking red eyes. “...I grabbed it, it’s mine.” In an instant, she filled the room with the same sound his mother made when everyone was taken away, her fist filling his vision. With no time to use his wings, he raised his arms in a desperate attempt to block the hit, only to fine the situation much worse than he previously believed. The moment her fist connected, he heard and felt a loud SNAP just before the force of the strike reached him.
He gasped as he got thrown back and the bread left his grip, but copied her expression and flared his hurting wings, stopping himself. X1 was scared, but he just ran right at her, trying to copy her attack, to learn from them. All she did was grab his hand, yank him closer, and ram her knee into his stomach. That one made him hit the low ceiling and crumple to the floor when he fell. He couldn't breathe. What was that? What did she do? Why couldn't he breathe? A white hot sensation bloomed behind his eyes while his mouth gaped, unable to give him the reprieve of air.
She didn't give him time to recover. Immediately, the female demon stomped over to the injured angel and kicked his side to flip him over. “Dumbass…you just don’t get how it works.” She slammed her foot down on his chest, causing X1 to lose any air he’d managed to regain with a strangled exhale. He was still trying to be quiet…he knew they liked it when his siblings made noise when hit. Her heel ground into him and he scrunched his face, eyes squeezing shut from the effort of silence. “I am the top. You obey what I want you to do or you get hurt.”
Apparently, his continued silence angered her, as she proceeded to make that weird, gravelly noise again and stomp a second time. “Look at me when I'm talking to you!” He didn't really react aside from a cough, but after a considerable few defiant seconds, he forced his eyes open. Without hesitation, he glared at her, his eyes possessing far too much hatred for a five year old, even for an angel. She initially stiffened, her own eyes widening ever so slightly, before she covered it by kicking his face from this angle and stepping away.
He bit his lip as his nose exploded with blood, but he still didn’t heal himself yet. Rather…he rolled over, trying to push himself up when she reached for the bread he dropped. No…she can't have it. That wasn't hers! Using a newfound burst of energy and disregarding how moving hurt, he threw himself at her. Mainly at her body in general…and he didn’t try to hit how she did. This time, he latched onto her leg, wrapping his limbs around it, before he bit, hard. Blood flowed into his mouth and she gave a short scream.
As expected, it didn’t take long before she was prying him off, her fist hitting his face repeatedly until he finally relented. She stumbled away from him in shock while he simply fell to the floor…then began to sit up. He looked her dead in the eye and with a grin uncharacteristic of a child, he displayed his bloodied teeth and…a chunk of her leg. “If I can’t have bread, I have to eat something else, right?” His off-set tone combined by his following head tilt had all of them experiencing the sensation of cold, dangerous fingers sliding down their spines.
She leaned back, then glanced at her leg, where the blood poured freely and stained her dark skin with evidence of his wrath. With a strangled sound, she scrambled away from him and shot a look of horror around the room. “You took a bit out of my leg?!” Her fearful reply was met with a blank look of confusion.
He blinked at her. “Yes? I thought I already said that.” His mind felt like it was rolling through sludge, unable to think through any of his actions. He couldn't truly process what he’d just done either, only understanding he’d finally gotten her. This state of mind, unfortunately, was exactly what this place wanted from the children.
The demon shook her head, backing away from him before chucking the bread at him…but only one piece. She wouldn’t risk giving both back, the others might call her weak and try to take over! “Then you don’t need food for two.” Try as she might, she couldn't bring herself to be quite as snappy as she had been previously. He was weak, he wasn't a threat…but he was certainly unsettling. She might have to beat him down again, but maybe later. She chose to back off…this time.
X1 stared dumbly at the bread when it hit him, then picked it up when it finally clicked what happened. He got the bread back. His feet were unsteady, so he stayed on his knees and crawled over to X4. Her shocked, empty stare was lost on him as he shoved the pitiful piece of bread at her hands. “I got your food…please eat, sister.” She hesitated, eventually reaching out and lightly touching his face. Her thin fingers traced where his skin had split, where bruises were already forming, and his possibly broken nose. She held the bread tighter.
He just smiled at her. X4 shook her head, but kept the food and looked away, her hand falling away from him as if she was giving up. The angel was unsure why she’d do that, she never did that. What did he do? Idly, he moved to sit beside her and wiped the blood around his mouth onto his bare arm. He froze, staring at the red smear over his skin with a rather baffled expression. How did that get there? His mind flowed slowly, but reminded him he had just been hit. Oh yeah…he was bleeding. He put a hand over his middle and began to heal himself, closing his eyes to get some rest.
☾︎☀︎︎☽︎
He had been observing the children for a week now, having chosen to follow through with his enjoyable plan of immediate exposure. So far? It was going swimmingly. He found himself grinning when there was a rather drastic change in their behaviors, especially X1. That one in particular adapted exceedingly fast to the change in situation, though it was regrettable that it tended to act only in defense of X4, of which he’d already designated as a failure. The elf had been interesting, but when moved all it did was cower, no real trace of what it almost became left behind.
Not much he could do about that, nor did he intend to. Rather, he centered his focus on X1, tapping his pen in thought while observing the live feed of their cell. From what he’d seen so far, the angel had picked up on their situation and readjusted to prevent getting hurt, whilst simultaneously stealing knowledge from the others present. He was enjoying the show and had begun to ignore the human ones…they failed their job anyway, all of them. He’d prefer to watch something far more exciting--the rise of a perfect test subject.
If the subject X1 managed to impress him any further, he may have to prepare the laboratory for their experiment. The wraith had undergone a few of their trial experimentations, but it still refused to kill, making it worthless. If it would kill he’d be a lot happier with it, but such is the stupidity of life.
While he was watching the screen, something else happened and he froze. Then the doctor launched to his feet, mouth stretching unnaturally as a manic grin overcame his expression. He was playing witness to a scene of pure, instinctive, desperate violence, that which held everything he’d been looking for. He stayed that way, observing the entire fight and finding his own emotions fluctuating as it went on. At first he was disappointed, seeing the angel lose, only to get a thrill of excitement over the retaliation the subject provided.
He kept watch over the following, interesting actions, coming to a few different conclusions. The angel…the boy certainly had a concussion, likely from that kick to the face. The wing and arm were broken…the nose was bleeding, but not enough for a true break. He grabbed a sheet and began to make notes of the injuries, eager to also see how he would recover from them just as much as seeing them be created. Black eyes, lip split several times over, possible broken ribs…that was a lot of exciting, useful damage. This was amazing.
How could a five year old already be this fascinating?! Sure, angels were among the top race when it came to speed of mental development, but the child was already capable of judging the situation and unleashing the same level of violence as was done to him. It was such a beautiful sight, witnessing a subject show such extreme response levels so early. The doctor tapped the pen again before adding a few additional comments on the side. Perhaps increases in stress would trigger X1 further…he needed to witness that. Maybe…he should reopen the pit.
☾︎☀︎︎☽︎
Ever since that…you couldn't even really call that incident a fight. Still, since then he’d been either left alone entirely…or hit with no warning. X4 hadn't been talking to him as often either…well he knew she didn't speak, but she was just sitting there now. In fact she wasn't arguing over their food from then on. That was good, but not like her. He didn't feel very great about it after the initial happiness over her accepting it. X1 hugged his knees tightly, deciding to just think about how long he'd been in the cage. The only way to tell time in here was to count how often he slept.
Once he'd actually stopped to think about it, he didn't have that hard of a time keeping track anymore. It was maybe seven days before he got hit. Okay, one week. It had been that much…maybe four times now? So around five weeks? They were being left here, weren't they. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes to think. Sometimes they would take two people and only one came back. That meant this place wasn't permanent, right? One person got out. He just had to be sure it was X4 who gets out if he's taken away with her. He looked at the silent, detached girl.
For the first time in a while, he scooted closer to her, leaning against her shoulder tentatively. “Are you okay, big sister?” She seemed to flinch, her hand twitching as her eyes went to him, finally gaining her attention. He'd tried to talk to her often, but he hadn't tried copying her comfort method before. “Are you going to admit it, or do I need to pout and poke you until you do?” There were some unhappy responses from their cellmates, but he carried on like he never heard it, even moving to set his head in her lap. “Well? You can't be sad, talk to me!” He reached up and poked her nose.
In the end, she gave a cautious smile and gently ran a hand over his head like she always did back home. He melted into the touch, ignoring it whenever her hand brushed over a painful area. It hadn't taken him long to heal, but they still hurt him whenever they want. X1 felt like he'd won right now though, considering he'd gotten X4 to at least pet him like she used to. Her smile was still no longer there, but…he was over the shock of being moved here now. He could start trying to help her too, right? He wanted to. Smiling up at her, he pretended that her eyes didn't start to fade into the distance.
His game of pretend didn't last long, as very soon someone came down the ‘hall’--a new word he'd learned recently. They hit the cages with something loud if anyone made noise and just kept walking by…until they stopped outside his. He sat up in a hurry, readjusting to hide X4 behind his wings. In the back of his mind he felt her fingers slip amongst his feathers, but he was too focused to pay attention to that. The person was opening the door for their cage and he didn't feel safe, so X4 wasn't safe either. He leaned further and further away when the door swung open.
It was the first time it had opened since he got here, and that alone was unsettling. He shivered when their covered eyes scanned the room, nervously glancing at a second person that seemed to have come out of nowhere. One was entering, the other was preventing any of them from leaving. Fantastic. He bristled when the person went straight for him, trying to make his angriest face. Didn't stop them from grabbing his arm and yanking him off the floor, leaving X4 alone and exposed…but they ignored her. She tried to reach for him, but they didn't even acknowledge that much.
He stretched his own hand out for hers, already knowing better than to fight these people. And yet…this time his hand didn't even touch hers. This made his heart feel like a vice, his lungs as if they were shrinking by the second. He squirmed, earning a smack to the head with something heavy and hard, being whisked out of the cage regardless of his opinion on the matter. X1 held onto the darkly dressed person and squeezed his eyes shut to drown out the world. Eventually, he heard something slide and hiss, before a voice echoed out. “Ah, welcome, X1.” Father?
—
Masterpost
Backstory Master
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Title: The Teacher (Part 9).
CHAPTER TITLE: Sarah Miller
Character(s): Joel Miller, Reader
Summary: Joel tells you about Sarah.
Word Count: 2,231
Author's Note: This chapter meant a whole lot to me. I cried while writing it actually... Grief is... It’s a complicated feeling and it was very cathartic for me to write something like this. So, I just wanna thank everyone who’s still reading (and being patient with me -- I know it’s been a while since I’ve updated this). I hope you all enjoy.
Warning: talks of grief, losing loved ones (child loss especially), mentions of violence and death (more specifically sarah miller’s death)
“I had a daughter. Her name was Sarah.”
You could tell from the look in his eyes that this was a subject he didn’t like talking about, but here he was, being completely open and vulnerable with you. He stood up, which you followed suit, and noticed how he wasn’t looking at you. He was pacing back and forth in his living room and gone was the man you had met a few months ago. This was a grieving father, pain still lingering.
“Joel…” you whispered quietly, careful not to startle him.
He was mumbling, but you couldn’t make out the words. Slowly, you sat down on the couch and watched him sit across from you. He was leaning forward now, eyes focused on his fidgeting hands.
“Joel, we don’t– You don’t have to tell me anything, not until you’re ready.”
Then, he looked up at you and you could have sworn that your heart broke at the sight of him. Not only was he a grieving father, but he looked broken and you had to wonder if this was part of himself that he had chosen to hide. You were so used to the quiet, confident man that you came to know, but as you looked at him now, he seemed like a different person entirely.
“No,” he whispered, lower lip quivering. “You deserve to know, darlin’. You’ve shared so much about you, about your life from before and I–”
“You don’t need to, Joel,” you tried to say, hoping that he didn’t have to share anything that he wasn’t yet comfortable with. After all, your relationship with him was still relatively “new”. “But if you want to, I’m here. I’m listening.”
Joel nodded. He would open his mouth and shut it close a few times, not knowing where to really start. But as he looked at you, there was an odd sense of relief that he felt. Maybe it was because you hadn’t judged him for what he did to the Fireflies, to save Ellie. Or maybe it was because he found himself completely enamored with you, never pushing him to talk about things he wasn’t comfortable with, and even now, here you were, telling him that he didn’t need to tell you anything if he didn’t want to. It alleviated a lot of pressure that he put on himself because as the months passed and the more he got to know you, the more guilt he felt for not telling you more about himself, more about before.
“I want to,” he whispered. “I just–” Joel sighed. “It ain’t an easy thing to talk about.”
“We’ll go at your pace then,” you replied softly. “Whatever you want to tell me, I’m here.”
Joel bit his lower lip and sighed heavily. “Sarah, she was– She was my babygirl,” he whispered, vivid memories flashing in his mind. The thick, curly hair, the dimples whenever she smiled, her caring nature and how she had always done such a great job taking care of him…
Whenever he thought of Sarah, it not only reminded him of the day she died, but it was paired with an immense amount of guilt and failure. His one job as a father was to protect her, to keep her safe, and he couldn’t do it. It made him regret all of the plenty of times he worked late, taking for granted the limited time he had with her… And even now, as he tried to think of any good memories, it was hard. All his mind and body could remind him was the night she died in his arms.
“Did she pass away before the outbreak?”
Joel shook his head. “It happened on Outbreak day, which just so happened to be my birthday. Worst day of my life,” he whispered quietly. “I couldn’t– I couldn’t protect her.” Joel looked up at you, tears stinging his eyes and threatening to spill over. “It was supposed to be me… It should have been me.”
You wanted to leap out of this seat and hug him, protect him, tell him that you’re sorry he had to endure all of it, that the world had to end, that people– that good people had to die young. You might not know what it is like to lose a child, but you knew the pain, the regret, the guilt that followed when losing a loved one.
“Aw, baby,” you whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
Joel took a deep and shaky breath. “She would’ve been in her thirties by now,” he admitted. “Would have had her own family– she’d have made a great mom, I’ll tell ya that. She always looked after me– even though she didn’t need to, especially when I had late night or early morning shifts. She was– My Sarah.”
“Sounds like she loved her dad,” you replied, which Joel finally broke at that. Tears spilled over and you could see and hear him crying. He was trying to stifle his emotions, so you walked over to him and sat on the floor near his feet. Gently, you rested a hand on his own, holding them tightly to prevent him from fidgeting with them even further.
“It’s hard to think about her,” he whispered, looking down at you. “All I can remember is the night she died in my arms, how she screamed for help, begging me to stop the pain…”
You bit your lower lip and felt yourself tear up as well. “I can’t– I can’t imagine that feeling,” you said quietly. “Tell me… Tell me something about her. She must have been a teenager when the outbreak happened…”
Joel shut his eyes, trying to rid himself of the vivid image of his Sarah limp, dead, and cold in his arms. He felt your hands caress his own, which surprisingly provided him a sense of comfort that he didn’t realize he needed. He was so used to pushing his emotions aside and just focusing on staying alive, and while it was difficult to think about his daughter, about his Sarah, a heaviness that he didn’t realize he had been carrying was slowly lifting.
“She was so smart,” he smiled sadly to himself. “So smart and so– She had a big heart,” Joel bit his lower lip. “Not sure who she got that from, but that girl… Always looking out for everyone else.”
“I mean, I don’t know her mom, but it sounds like she got that from you. From the past few months since I’ve known you, Joel, you are always protecting and keeping the people you love safe.” You replied, gently leaning up on your knees and taking his face in your hands. He looked at you, tears still spilling over slowly as you wiped them away. “Sarah sounded like a really great girl. I’m sorry,” you whispered quietly. “I’m sorry you lost her so soon.”
“My babygirl,” he whispered. “Do you– Do you wanna see a picture of her?”
“If you’d like to show me, then absolutely.”
Joel nodded and stood up, helping you to your feet. He wiped his eyes and leaned down to gently press a kiss to your temple before leading you up the stairs. Once in his bedroom, you followed him to his dresser and watched him open the drawer before he took two polaroids out from underneath his clothes. He held onto it tightly and gently handed it to you.
Immediately, you smiled to yourself. Joel looked much younger, much happier (you don’t think you’ve ever seen him smile that big before). One photo was of him and Sarah, his arm wrapped around her shoulder as he covered her eyes and the other was of her kissing his cheek. You felt tears slowly trickle down your cheeks as you stared at both pictures.
“She has an amazing smile,” you whispered quietly.
Joel let a very small smile line his lips. “When she smiled, her whole face lit up. Dimples too. She had me wrapped around her finger,” he chuckled to himself. “I had her young,” Joel began. “I didn’t know what I was doin’ half the time. Her mom left, and so I was a 22 year old man with a newborn. I was fuckin’ scared,” Joel admitted. “But when she smiled for the first time, I knew that I was gonna do everythin’ I could to be the dad she deserved.”
You nodded and looked over at him. You understood now why he had killed Marlene, killed the Fireflies, and saved Ellie. It was his way of fixing the past. He couldn’t save Sarah, so he decided to save Ellie. He couldn’t make the same mistake. He couldn’t lose another one.
“This shouldn’t be hidden,” you suggested. “It’s tough… To talk about the people we’ve lost and some hurt more than others, but I think these should be displayed. It can remind you of how much she loved you, Joel, instead of reminding you of that one night…”
“But–” Joel whispered. “Every time I think about her, every time I see this, all I can think about is the night she died.”
“I don’t know,” you answered honestly. “I felt like that for a long time after my husband and I can’t say that what I did will fix it all, but… I wanted to remember the good times we shared and it hurt like hell – and it still hurts – but I decided I want to remember him in my own way. Pushing him aside after he died, forcing myself not to think about him, to just move on with my life hurt more. I miss him a lot and I dealt with a lot of guilt, a lot of regret… But the pain we feel when we think about them shows us how much love we had for them too. There was a quote…” you said quietly. “That kind of helped me.”
“W– What is it, darlin’?”
Tears were pooling around your eyes and you looked up at him, moving a hand to rest on his chest. “Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love. And it just– It reminded me how lucky I was to have loved my husband and to be loved by him.”
Joel immediately wrapped his arms around you, burying his face against the crook of your neck. You felt him melt into you, the weight that he had been carrying now lifting completely. He was crying against you and you just held onto him, your arms wrapped around his shoulders tightly. You both stood in his bedroom, holding onto each other like your lives depended on it, connected by grief and pain of a lost loved one.
“I miss my Sarah,” he whispered into you. You could feel his tears against your skin and you were crying too, but Joel needed this. He needed to release what he had been holding in. “My babygirl,” he said, voice cracking.
You pulled away, only to lead him to his bed, which he followed almost instantly. When you lied down, Joel joined you immediately and wrapped his arms around you. Ellie helped tremendously with him overcoming his grief, but with their most recent fight, he felt it all come crashing down.
Joel felt like he had failed her, just like he had failed Sarah.
He knew that the only right thing to do was save Ellie, to kill Marlene and the Fireflies. She was still so young to know what she wanted, to know what it meant to sacrifice her life for a cure that may never work. Joel didn’t want to risk it. It was an easy decision for him and he would do it all over again if given the chance.
His head was resting against your shoulder and your arm was wrapped around him, running your fingertips along his arm soothingly. Usually, you were the one cuddling into him like this, but right now, Joel needed an anchor, needed someone to be the stronger one of the two.
“I understand why you did what you did,” you whispered. “Saving Ellie… It was the only logical choice.”
Joel looked up at you, surprised. “Really?”
“I would’ve done the same thing,” you admitted. “She may be angry, Joel, but that girl still loves you. Give her time.”
“What if–” Joel sighed. “What if that never happens?”
“It will. You just gotta be patient.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” he admitted. “I never thought I’d get another chance.”
“At what?” you smiled, looking down at him. “At being a father again?”
“Yes,” Joel smiled. “And to fall in love again.”
Your eyes widened slowly. Sure, it had been only a few months since you two were together, but ever since he laid eyes on you the first day you came to Jackson, he knew that you were something special.
“A– Are you saying–”
“I’m in love with you, darlin’.” Joel whispered, leaning up on his elbow. “What you did earlier, what you said… You’re helpin’ me in more ways than you can imagine… And my Sarah would have loved you.”
You leaned down to peck his lips, cupping his cheeks. “I’m sure I would have loved her too…” You bit your lower lip and ran your thumbs across his skin, brushing against the bristles of his beard. “And I’m head over heels in love with her dad.”
---
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#pedro pascal#pedro pascal character#pedro pascal character fanfiction#pedro pascal character fanfic#joel miller#joel miller hbo#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fanfic#joel miller hbo fanfiction#joel miller hbo fanfic#the last of us#the last of us fanfiction#the last of us fanfic#tlou#tlou hbo#tlou fanfiction#tlou fanfic#joel miller x reader#joel miller x reader (you)#joel miller x you#story: the teacher
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Sometimes
When bodyguard!Monty goes into his recharge pod
He can still hear them knocking on his metal frame
OKAY SO this inspired me to write a little so I hope you like it :o))
There was knocking at the door
(900+ words)
CW: Anxiety-Inducing, mentions of death, mental trauma
It was night once again, and the blue illumination of the single charging station was the only thing that kept the room from being engulfed by the ever-expanding void of darkness he hadn’t dared touch. It had been 6 months since his failure. When They hadn’t heard back from Y/N after the mission, They came to the restaurant themselves.
He had just been sitting there, it wasn’t like he could do much else. Had he been a human he’d have wretched, sobbed, anything to get his despair out, but his manufacturers didn’t account for needing to. They never saw him as anything but a robot, unlike you.
A part of him hated you, hated you for making him fall so madly in love with you. When They saw what happened, They dragged him to the van and brought him back to headquarters to clean him up. They hadn’t even had the decency to turn him off first.
It was the next day where things got worse. Once he finally regained control of himself, his mind was what went next. By the time he was out of the facility, the morning staff would all need to be replaced, and his only regret was making their ends faster than yours.
He knew exactly where your apartment was. He had originally cemented it in his mind to know how to get his assignment back to the Protected Zone as They called it. As he opened the door, the thick warm air encapsulated him.
When you were first introduced, you had asked him if he preferred the air warmer or cooler. You had used your breath to ask him his thoughts. At first he thought it was a stupid question- humans die depending on the temperature, he was a robot, he couldn’t care less. But you saw the way he would linger in the bathroom when you were done with a shower or the kitchen while a big meal was made.
His eyes moved to your bedroom. He entered almost in a panic, moving towards the bed you so lovingly made before last night’s shift. He picked up your pyjama top and stared at it a moment. The fabric scrunched in his hands as he made his way back into the main room and sat in the corner to the right of the door. He held that shirt for dear life.
They had come in the apartment multiple times, trying everything They could to get him out. They wanted to assign him to someone else, or maybe decommission him altogether. He wouldn’t mind the second option, but then who would remember you? That was a reason why you were chosen for this role, afterall. He would attack anyone who came near him, so eventually, They just took the loss and let him stay there.
He always kept the lights on. After that night, he was terrified of the dark. He couldn’t see very well in that backroom, but he could smell, he could hear, and he could feel. He was petrified if the lights went out, he’d be thrown right back into that night.
As the weeks progressed, the bulbs, one by one went out. Each time a bulb flickered, he’d move to a different spot in the room. Just as they forewarned, that bulb would die, just like you.
Every couple of weeks a new bulb would go out. By the time the final bulb flickered, he found himself pressed against the only other thing keeping him alive- that damn recharge station. He was pissed it was there, mocking him. In him was a timer of sorts. When he got too low on power, he had to get up and charge, he had no choice. If it weren’t for its glow, he’d have probably destroyed it.
His timer was up, and he needed to charge. He weakly stood up, his joints creaking loudly with every movement. The door opened for him, and he stepped in. The hum was too loud for his liking, and the tube was barely large enough to fit him. He could see through the window the darkness he so intensely despised.
For some reason tonight, he almost felt… allured. He could just barely see the outline of the couch, and he felt himself looking for something. The once faint hum got louder as he inched towards the glass. He felt tense. The same intensity he got when there was an intruder.
He heard knocking and scanned the room, trying to find anything amiss. Was there someone at the door? He needed to leave but he couldn’t mid-charge.
He put his hands on the door and searched desperately through the darkness, and he swore he saw movement. The hum was blaring and the knocking was hard and fast, every part of his body told him there was someone in the house.
He used his claws to try to pry the door open, but nothing happened. Were those footsteps? He hadn’t heard a crash but his body felt red hot.
Was this what fear was? His eyes darted in the darkness, the hum becoming ear-piercing as he clawed at the door to get out. The knocking turned to pounding. His artificial breath steamed the once clear glass as his fans tried desperately to cool him down.
He suddenly stopped and his eyes glazed as he peered forwards.
There wasn’t knocking at the door.
#Clownie honks#asks#//I do not read much/watch many things so I am unsure what labels mean what I am sorry ;o;#Monty Gator x Reader#Bodyguard!AU#death#writing#Monty Gator Security Breach
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