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#former fundie
coppertophomegurl · 1 year
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Having a lot of thoughts this m*thers day.
I HATE the way the mormon church automatically assigns m*therhood to all girls/women/afabs.
M*ther's Day at church always looked like making ALL the girls and women 12 and older (literal children) stand up while a member of the bishopric/branch presidency placated them with meaningless missives of gratitude and about how being a m*m is the most divine role a woman can hold (🤮🤢) while the young men passed out a cheap little gift to every single women standing.
I thought this tradition wouldn't exist in the singles ward. I was wrong. Same shit again. It was around then (18/19) I realized how gross this felt to me.
I don't want to be a m*ther. EVER. But I didn't even realize I had the choice to opt out of parenthood until I was a full blown adult (fortunately before I had any children) I was literally groomed for m*therhood by the church.
Young women's lessons and activities spent planning out children's names, making baby quilts for our future children (ma'am I am 12 years old. I AM children.) And learning parenting tips and how to be a good stay at home wife/m*ther.
I have such a difficult relationship with m*therhood and the mormon church is the cause for a LOT of it. I've been out of the church for many years now and I am still unpacking and unlearning.
But, damn this time of the year is hard for me.
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gramarobin · 29 days
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randomruthness · 2 months
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The Silver Cup
Listening to America’s “Lonely People”, I remember hearing this song when we would sneak radio time in my sisters’ room. “The world” forbidden and made sweeter by the alleged taboo of wicked rock music felt so far away. I imagine looking back over my life and finding many forbiddens bidding me come out and play.  Stray and sneak away outside the gate. Songs and goings on outside my world bidding…
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elrondsscribe · 19 hours
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Here’s the thing about the dutiful ones like Lan Wangji, and like me — you can do your best to fill us up with dogma and rules, but if life happens to us and throws a rebel in our way and/or shows us that your principles are hypocritical …
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arctic-hands · 10 months
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Like two weeks ago @thetabirb had asked me if I've ever been on a haunted hayride and I replied with "what the fuck is a haunted hayride? Is it like a blessed hayride?" and she's like "the fuck is a blessed hayride" and it turns out even Catholics (she's not but went to a Catholic School) don't shun Halloween and nighttime spookiness and replace monsters with angels and ghostly wails with Bible verses at like eleven a.m. like Baptists do and
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notalostcausejustyet · 4 months
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Text wall incoming.
Happy New Years fan fam. We made it another trip around the sun. And some of those days were made of light and laughter, and some of them were gritted teeth and grief. But we made it. So it’s time to talk about what happens in a year.
What happens when the fundamental understanding of who you are and what you need as a person undergoes a seismic shift? When the edifice of all your understanding has been shaken to rubble around you, and you’re forced to finally reckon with the cracked foundations of who you are?
This was that year for me. To be clear, the buildup had been coming for a long, long time. The methodology I had used to construct my life was unsustainable at best, and deliberate self martyrdom at worst. And of course, this is where learning through the lens of fandom comes in. I have waxed (less than) poetic here before about how fictional media is the gestalt through which so many of us begin to process our trauma. The fulcrum that allows us to lift the weight of what we carry and look deeper into it. That fulcrum this year, for me, was Good Omens. More specifically, it was this glorious and beautiful fandom’s unflinching and enthusiastic willingness to take the narratives offered there and parse the deeper meanings within them. And what are those meanings? What lens has been provided that finally allowed me to see things within myself that desperately needed to be brought into the light of day?
It begins here. Self denial. The act of burying oneself and one’s deepest desires and fundamental needs beneath the asceticism of “I should have/be”. The heart of this for many of us, myself included, lies in religious upbringing that is further complicated by neurodivergence and queerness. What does that mean? It means that you start out at a remove from the rest of humanity. You do not speak the same language, you do not know the steps of this dance. You are a stranger in a strange land. When you compound that with the church informing you that you are a fundamentally broken and unworthy creature during all of your developmental years…well.
All of us need human connection. It is a fact of our biology and evolution to crave community and acceptance. So you begin to whittle yourself away. You nip and tuck and shave and hide everything that may stand in the way of communion. You accept that who you are fundamentally is unworthy of love. You take it into yourself and it becomes a core tenet of who you are. So the foundation is laid and you begin to build a life upon it. Which leads us to our protagonists.
Crowley has stepped away from the idea that you must be “perfect”. He accepts who he is, even as he still holds onto his anger for the rejection that this has caused. “Unforgivable, that’s what I am!” He says. He is hurt and he is furious, but he knows himself. He places the blame squarely where it belongs. With the institution that rejected him, not with his inability to fit into their narrow ideas of who he should be. He doesn’t play the self denial game or go in for martyrdom. He does what he has to do to get by and remains true to himself and his core beliefs. He continues to ask his questions without apology and he continues to seek truth and attempt to share that understanding with others. He decided the rules were shite, so he stopped playing by them.
Aziraphale. Oh Angel. Az as a character exemplifies self denial. He doesn’t fit in within the parameters of the institution, so he tries to make himself less so that he can belong. He ties his concept of self worth to that institution and his acceptance within it, all while knowing it is impossible for him to be accepted as he is. So he denies his own nature. His fundamental needs. He doesn’t sit comfortably within his own skin AT ALL. He is angry, but doesn’t allow himself to embrace it. He has the questions, but won’t ask them. He feels (and is) rejected, but doesn’t allow himself to acknowledge it. (As an aside here, we see this difference in how Crowley refers to himself as a former demon, but Az still refers to himself as an angel). So he doesn’t allow himself to feel, or to have the things that he wants and needs. He keeps thinking that if he sacrifices enough of himself, he will get the community and acceptance he longs for. In the end it leads him to lose the things and people he cares about most. And he hurts himself and them in the process. He is still trying to play by the shite rules.
What did I learn from this? Self denial and martyrdom ends in tragedy. In the end you hurt, not only yourself, but the people you care about. You cannot move through life paring yourself down to pieces for other people. Every time you remove a block from the foundation of who you are, in order to try and gain acceptance and community, you create a wound that doesn’t close. You are slowly bleeding out. When you don’t acknowledge the anger and the questions and your need to BE, those wounds fester. You wind up rejecting the people who want to care for you, even as you reject yourself in service of those who don’t deserve the care you’ve given them.
So. This was the year of realizing that I needed to stop playing by the shite rules. This was the year of realizing that my foundations needed rebuilt. This was the year of realizing that it’s ok for me to be angry and ask questions and realize that I am enough as I am. I don’t need to be less. I don’t need acceptance from people who want me to be less. All of the years I spent denying myself and prostrating myself on the altar of other’s expectations have gained me nothing. And strange as it may seem, I have one angel, one demon and an entire fandom to thank for that insight. Here’s to the next year friends. As @neil-gaiman says. Bravery. And joy.
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obscuredemure · 1 year
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I had a realization recently. Never once when I was growing up did my parents buy me a Halloween costume.
My childhood was really strange. We attended church my entire life, until I stopped when I graduated high school. My parents allowed me to read scary books, but my mom cornered me one day and told me, “Don’t forget those books you read aren’t real. Don’t take any of it to heart and start doing the things in those books.” She really thought I was going to become a serial killer because I liked Stephen King.
My parents would pass out candy (and Bible tracts lol) every year, until trick or treaters dwindled off and started going to better neighborhoods. We weren’t poor, but we definitely weren’t rich. They could afford to pay for my cult school education and the various junk my mom wanted from QVC.
Yet, there’s no photos of me in Halloween costumes growing up, not even a cheap or homemade one. We never did fun activities together, like carving pumpkins. It’s almost like the holiday was meant for others, but never me. Any interest I expressed was immediately shut down, called a waste of time and expenses.
I sometimes wonder if my mother secretly believed the holiday was demonic. Maybe it was another way she feebly tried to impress the other members of our church.
This is the first year I’ve actually attempted to go “all out” on a small scale with decorating for Halloween. It feels strange yet exhilarating to finally give myself the things I always wanted but never had.
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I also would feel a bit more... relieved if Fundy woke up to aftermath of dropping from a height around the same as statue of liberty with Someone around
Yeah, I think we glossed over that aspect of things way too quickly. A death like that is a really, really hard thing to wake up alone from.
I think that after his fall, c!Fundy jolted upright in his bed and immediately scrambled for someone to hold him and comfort him and ask him what was wrong... and then he remembered. He's in the middle of nowhere.
Yogurt was there, but Yogurt is his child. He can't do much to support him (and c!Fundy would never, ever want to place a burden like that on his son's shoulders.)
But then he feels a strange pressure in his sinuses, and he sneezes so hard it makes his still-spinning head throb even harder, and through that haze of pain he somehow can feel that some alien presence else is concerned for his safety.
He's not sure whether to be frightened that even here, he can't be left in peace... or relieved, that maybe he isn't alone after all.
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failfemme · 1 year
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i lied i'm still working on hell is real and i just realized i never decided how many siblings lila beth has
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alliluyevas · 2 years
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went down a rabbit hole reading the blog of some independent Mormon polygamist and I’m losing my mind….and yet despite all this persecution and ethnic cleansing here you are posting all this nonsense on al gore’s internet freely
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anexperimentallife · 6 months
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The Gaza genocide is going exactly according to the US Evangelical Fundamentalist Christian agenda, with which they hope to wipe out all Jews and Muslims
To anyone raised in the US Evangelical Fundamentalist Christian Dominionist movement in the US, the horror and inhumanity, the genocide Israel is engaged in against Palestinians right now is not a surprise. We all KNEW this was coming, and those of us who got out of the movement we were raised in have been trying to raise the alarm for decades, mostly to either deaf ears, or accusation of antisemitism.
(Because, they would say, "if you don't support Zionism, and stand behind everything Israel does, you must hate all Jews!" Ignoring that many Jews all over the world--yes, including many Israeli Jews--do not support Israel's foreign policy.)
Because everything in the orbit of Israel is going exactly to the Evangelical Fundamentalist Christian Doomsday plan--a plan that has been OPENLY talked about in Fundie circles since I was a little kid being indoctrinated into it.
In case you're not familiar, let me break down the Fundie thinking here:
Their support of Israel and embrace of Zionism is based around their beliefs that:
a) the return of Jews to Israel, and then Israel/all "unconverted" Jews being completely wiped out in an apocalyptic war, is essential to Jesus' return.
b) but that any nation that DIRECTLY opposes Israel will fall even if they defeat Israel. So that in order to fulfill prophecy, they must
c) set someone ELSE up to wipe out Israel/the Jews.
(To go into more detail: They believe that "the Jews were God's original chosen people until Christians took their place in God's favor when the Jews denied Jesus." But that God is still attached to his former faves and will punish anyone who wipes them out--thus the entire fundie idea is to get someone ELSE to do it, then serve as "the instrument of God's vengeance" by genociding the genociders.)
So they support Israel's increasing violence intentionally to create greater and greater conflict and turn more of Israel's neighbor states against them, meanwhile fostering the idea that with the power of the US backing them, they cannot fail.
And here's their next planned phase--maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually
Once things reach a tipping point, the Fundies (currently the single most powerful force in US politics, thanks to ANOTHER multi-generational plan openly talked about in Fundie circles, which was specifically designed to put Fundies amd their allies in powerful positions) will force the US to pull support from Israel so that its neighbors can destroy it, then use that destruction as a pretext for their own genocide against remaining Muslim/Arab (there is little distinction between the two in their minds) peoples.
Christian Fundamentalist support of Zionism has always been about the elimination of both Jews and Muslims, and bringing about a Christian/Capitalist (aka fascist) world.
They emphasize that they LOVE Jews, and maybe don't even entirely HATE the "evil Muslims," but that this is "God's will," and that they have no choice but to obey. They'll even shed crocodile tears about how sad all this is, but believe me--they are CELEBRATING inside. They are OVERJOYED, because they think this will bring about the Rapture, the end of the world, the Thousand Year Reign, and all the other crap in their shitty Doomsday prophecy.
(This is also their excuse for every other group they are trying to destroy. "Oh, I personally have nothing against the gays, but I have to follow God's will. Plus our children need to be protected from their recruitment efforts." During slavery, then segregation, Black folks were often said to have "the mark of Ham, meaning God said they were DESTINED to be slaves because of Ham's sin. Oh, WE'RE not saying it; GOD is!" See also: child marriage, and lots of other talking points.)
Don't believe me? Ask around on the EXvangelical tags. Listen in at some of the more conservative churches in your area. There are a lot of us who were raised being brainwashed with these ideas and had to deprogram ourselves.
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coppertophomegurl · 1 year
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Me, watching 3 out of 6 kids in my family come out as queer/trans/nonbinary after my conservative mormon parents indoctrinated and homeschooled us for 18 years to "protect us from the dangerous influences of the world."
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gramarobin · 1 year
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steelstreqq · 4 months
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pov i revive an old project from 2021 because i watched one sorry boys video
this is the 'rustout au', its a combination of TWD, fallout 4, and rust but i shoved silly block men (and ted nivison) in it. essentially its a zombie apocalypse au that takes place at some time in the 80s or 90s following a nuclear fallout that occurred due to undisclosed government activities with foreign global superpowers. none of the normal civilians really know why the nukes went off and only a few of the most wealthy in the community really were able to get down to the bunkers in time
there are a ton of characters i want to include in this au, but considering i made this in the peak of the dsmp fandom i have to be kinda careful to not pick out any ccs who are still a part of dream's posse.. :pensive:
so far, the other characters in this au who aren't displayed here are fundy, techno, philza, bizly, grizly, condi, connor, jack, eret, and a few others i cant think of rn >_<
some character information below ^-^
WILBUR G. SOOT - the widowed father to fundy. wilbur lived in a house in a suburban neighborhood with his teen aged son before the nukes went off. once the initial fallout occurred, will and fundy had an argument about where they should shelter. the day after the argument, wilbur awoke to find fundy had completely disappeared. grief stricken at the loss of another family member (under the impression that he was the reason fundy had 'ran off'), wilbur risked his safety to search for his son, traveling from settlement to settlement. he hated himself and blamed himself for his son's disappearance. by this point, he wanted to lie in the dirt and rot with the corpse of the land below him
TOMMY ZA - the adoptive son of phil, a single child. tommy was at school during the blasts, thus he was separated from his father. he and the rest of his school were ushered to the basement following the explosions to protect them from fallout. when given the all clear, tommy ran down barren streets to find his way home, and never did. too frantic and unable to navigate his way properly, he became stranded and lost. the crushing anxiety of being alone seemed to summon a taller man with a guitar case from a local town. he had found himself wandering into tommy's neighborhood. and therein, an alliance was formed.
"RANBOO" - ranboo is a mysterious creature who doesn't really appreciate questions about his history. tommy and wilbur found him a month or two into constructing their own settlement. ranboo was found uncomfortably asleep in a cramped car not far off from Dome. he was rudely awakened with a violent mugging from tommy. wilbur caught up to the shorter brit and apologized for his actions, suggesting that ranboo could stay at their camp as compensation for the troubles that tommy had brought to ranboo. ranboo reluctantly agreed and now is a part of the dome's settlement. tommy speculates ranboo is secretly a mentally mutated creature-freak-thing and must be put down immediately, ranboo just wants to eat dinner in peace.
CHARLIE SICKLE - charlie is the latest member to join the settlement. the former front man for the hit pop group Roll With You. during an england tour, the nukes went off and front man charlie had been stranded during his burger lunch break. separated from the rest of his band mates. charlie has faced deterioration in his mental state due to the stress of surviving during such a gruesome time period. by the time wilbur finds himself at the receiving end of charlie's gun, he is already unhinged. wilbur manages to talk charlie into submission carefully, and decides to see if he can form a fragile alliance with charlie for some sort of twisted protection. charlie agrees, as he is so *sick* of being alone. charlie simply insists he is just a silly billy, everybody else thinks hes clinically insane
DOME- dome is a passive settlement founded by wilbur soot to bring in local survivors and give them a small and safe community to rebuild humanity. although this is a large goal in such a hostile and dangerous situation, tommy gives wilbur hope to keep going. who knows, maybe while scouting for survivors, they could stumble across phil or fundy
TED - ted is a serial killer, plain and simple. hired by schlatt to be a bodyguard after the fallout, ted had escaped his cinder block hell to essentially be a guard dog thanks to the nukes. it turns out prisons arent explosion-proof. ted is silent, he doesnt speak much, but he has a clear cut focus on what he wants. when he does speak, he talks clearly and normally. mostly, about his travels with his good buddy 'eddie nine pins', whom he apparently did everything with before getting caught
J. SCHLATT - schlatt is a larger than life business mogul, the ceo of a handful of companies that produce clothes, products, music, etc. hes an incredibly creative and intuitive man who knows how to get what he wants. he is the forefront leader of his settlement in the bunker. schlatt is falsely married to quackity, both of them agreeing to commit marriage fraud when they initially entered the world of entrepreneurship as it looks better and improves both of their charisma in social situations. their 'marriage' is entirely superficial and loveless, purely for aesthetics
A. QUACKITY - you might say quackity is a strange last name, he'd tell you to mind your own business and call you poor in two different languages. quackity runs a small 'medicine' dealing business on the surface. in exchange for fancy goods and food, quackity will give out medicine to needy survivors with no real idea of what any of it does. indirectly, quackity has killed 15+ people with his medication and harmed countless others. he doesnt feel bad, as long as he gets something out of it. he's been spoiled by his previously lavish life and just can't stand to let it all go
TOBY "TUBBO" SCHLATT - tubbo is the adoptive son of schlatt. while schlatt opted to adopt tubbo purely for aesthetics, just as he did with his marriage, he ended up getting somewhat attached to the little guy (and so did quackity). adopted at the age of 13, tubbo was quickly exposed to the inside mechanisms of business, the lying and cheating that goes on behind the retina and he has no interest in becoming a mogul like his father. rather, he opts for weapon studies and collecting a massive arsenal of different types of guns and bombs. tubbo sees the fallout as more of a playground than anything, being able to collect and test as many 'toys' as he wants. tubbo and tommy have crossed paths on several occasions, wherein they both will have a bit of a scuffle until theyre tired, then sit and talk. they consider each other friends, and neither of them know of the conflict between schlatt and wilbur
THE BUNKER - the bunker was once a safe haven for the one percent in england, but only a week into shelter, everybody was slaughtered. quackity and schlatt performed a hostile takeover of the bunker for no greater reason than the fact they wanted more space and more liberties. theyve now claimed the entire bunker as their home, and they want to see how far they can expand their power and control.
if youve made it this far, thx so much for reading it means the WORLD to me.. ill be posting abt this au alongside my other projects like claymore hills and the sanatorium au (which also was a 2021 thing!!)
heres a playlist i made for the rustout au if anybody is as interested in music as i am
thanks sm again, likes and reblogs are both appreciated ^-^ asks are open and heavily encouraged if you wanna know more :DD i know dsmpblr is a little dead but maybe mcytblr might like this, u never know if u dont try so ill take shot in the dark ^-^
note: NONE of these characters should be confused with the CCs. they are loosely based off of real interactions and projects but are entirely FICTIONAL in this universe. i do not support the actions of content creators such as dream, george, sapnap, punz, and many others associated with dream thus they will NOT be in this project. thank you.
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briarpatch-kids · 1 year
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Evangelical Fundies are so hard to understand until you realize how their lives and logic work always remember they usually believe a mix of these things:
1. good things happen to good people, bad things happen to bad people.
2. Because they believe in God, they are Good People always. They can't ever be the bad guy because they're good christians
3. Therefore, if anything Bad (anything from "the hotel doesn't have cookies yet" to "I have cancer") is a mistake they either have to desperately correct so people can see how good they are, or a malicious person out to make their life Bad because we're jealous how Good they are or something. It can't be because the world sucks sometimes, either you're a bad person who deserves it (non evangelical) or a good person being tested by the Lord and they're out to show Him how loudly and awfully they can scream.
Hence, why Karens are usually evangelical or former evangelicals. They MUST NOT let everyone see them experience an inconvenience and get so desperate and angry from being inconvenienced like a bad worldly person that they can't help but throw a fit.
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minkyungseokie · 24 days
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Influencers
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All my favorite YouTube and TikTok influencers that are rarely written about!
Arthurtv
Arthur Frederick, better known online as Arthur TV, is a Jersey commentary YouTuber known for his entertaining commentary and calm.
Wroetoshaw
Harold "Harry" Christopher George Lewis better known online as W2S (short for Wroetoshaw), is a Guernsey-British YouTuber known for his FIFA Draft and Pack videos. He is also widely known for his real-life challenges with his family and friends. Harry is one of the seven members of the Sidemen.
TBJZL
Tobit John "Tobi" Brown better known online as TBJZL (short for Tobjizzle), is an English YouTuber best known for his FIFA gaming videos. He is a member of the Sidemen.
Jake Webber
Jake Webber is an American YouTuber and musician who uploads vlogs, music, and challenge videos. He is also known for his quick-cutting videos. He also has a live channel where he often uploads food videos.
Fundy
Floris Damen better known online as Fundy (also known as ItsFundy and FFundage), is a Dutch YouTuber and Twitch streamer known for his alterations and videos about the game Minecraft.
George Clarkey
George Arthur Clarke better known online as George Clarkey, is an English YouTuber and TikToker, best known for his funny commentary & reaction videos about trending topics. He has co-hosted the popular podcast The Useless Hotline Podcast
ChrisMD
Christopher Michael Dixon better known online as ChrisMD , is a Jersey YouTuber best known for his football challenges and FIFA pack opening videos.,He lives in London, England, United Kingdom.
Corpse Husband
Corpse Husband  also known as CORPSE, is an American YouTuber and musician from San Diego, California, United States. He is best known for his deep, distinguishable voice and playing Among Us with other YouTubers and Twitch streamers, along with his horror narrations.
Disguised Toast
Jeremy Wang better known online as Disguised Toast (or simply Toast), is an Taiwanese-born Canadian gaming YouTuber and Twitch streamer who mainly makes content around League of Legends and Among Us on both platforms.
Sykkuno
Thomas  better known online as Sykkuno is an American YouTuber, live streamer, and former Twitch streamer who is mainly known for his gaming content.
The Eret
Alastair better known online as Eret (also known as TheEret), is an English gaming YouTuber known for playing Minecraft on YouTube and Twitch.
Spifey
George "Geo" Anderson better known online as Spifey, is an English Minecraft gaming YouTube channel that shows off older versions of the game. Some of the content on Spifey's channel include listening to certain annoying songs to win money for a long period of time with users of Minecraft on the servers and trolling his friends with cursed Minecraft mods
Skeppy
Zak Ahmed better known online as Skeppy, is an American YouTuber known for his Minecraft challenge videos involving numerous contestants and his collaborations with fellow YouTuber BadBoyHalo.
Quackity
Alexis "Alex" Maldonado better known online as Quackity (formerly QuackityHQ), is a Mexican YouTuber and Twitch streamer known for playing the video game Minecraft and his raid videos.
kennysong
Kenny Song is a famous TikTok star, Instagram star, and food influencer from the US. He shares Asian cuisine and simple meal and snack options. He also posts shorts videos alongside his cooking videos
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