<“My Mom”AKA The Toxic avoid>
I call her out for whatever spiritual attacks she attempts.. sometimes she’ll act sad, then use a shallow apology(ex: “I’m sorry that you thought—I’m sorry you felt like I could”—) .
This was my reply to her sad emoji and one word reply “sorry”. ….
“”””””””
It’s a 24/7 thing though. It doesn’t even matter what actually happened THIS time. Even when you got proof right in front of you, you’ll ignore it to go against me
Then go against me to try to go against me some more..
Sometimes you even try to get me to help you go against me .. Or help you in other situations to go against me or to fuck me over or make me look bad or make me feel bad, or do whatever!!
It’s night and day how you treat me from anyone but especially now cause it’s not just”” different treatment “” like it use to be.. now you literally try your hardest to TAKE/DESTROY everything that you possibly can whether there be money, joy or peace from me!
You’re never sad about hurting me in any way BC you never even acknowledge the fact that it happens. You make it worse by trying to bury it, by acting like it’s all in their head.. after being victimized, then try to corrupt reality by playing the victim role as if they’re the predator.
You will literally act like everybody needs to be worried about their safety after YOU have victimized and provoked the entire situation in the first place,
To avoid having to accept what you’ve done at all cost you’ll even go as far as to act if they’re losing their cool out of nowhere to be able to recruit ppl saying things like”” watch out..ohh my god I’m so sorry.”” To people that are not even able to be affected by the made-up situation, therefore creating false trauma for you to bond about.
It’s always been like that since the beginning! Since I can ever remember!! It’s just gotten worse over the years.
And I never mind at all, because anybody that can’t see through that instantly deserves to be duped by it. It’s probably their karma, so who am I to step in the way of that by trying to defend what doesn’t need defending no ma’am that’s why I let you run free and wild. Have fun. Do whatever makes you feel better about yourself or whatever you need to do to try to get whatever you think you need.
Because I will always be on my Christ like program, and will never react to any cruelty, no matter what direction it comes from!
And getting upset because it’s sad that a human being could act like that..
VS.
Making sure that you taste your own medicine.
Making sure that I do the same.. make sure that you feel unsafe. Make sure that your stuff is always in constant harm., getting everybody to go against you.. provoking you into anger, and then acting like Im victimized by the reaction. “Someone Help, she’s out of control, she’s crazy idk why she’s acting like that“”
Like a satanic Chaos agent creating destructive situations for the innocent party.
NOT TODAY SATAN
NOT TOMORROW
NOT AT ALL - DEFF.
NOT THIS CHILD OF GOD
NO EVIL
FROM ANYONE ANYWHERE
WILL EVER
PUT THIS FIRE FOR CHRIST OUT IN ME!!!
Instead unconditional love and understanding for what they don’t even understand themselves!
God allows me to see through his eyes, and I would never squander off my soul, or the gifts gods given me — by picking up vengeance? 😂 why would I even bother taking vengeance on some petty pathetic situations where people were so insecure and I was such a threat to them they had to become a chaos agent in order to feel some security??
I would never take pity on that because I find my identity and get my security from Christ. I never put my harder faith in Man because they will always let you down.
And when we don’t find our identity in Christ, that’s our actions will tell loud and clear!!!
And what’s worse the prosecuted or the comfortable?!
You can hold onto them thorns! Because they are no longer in my saviors crown!!
And he is alive and freed the oppressed, so no longer can this material world or anything in it that is materialized do any harm for no weapons will prosper against us!!
And the harder that they try the louder, the truth will be!! And the louder the truth will be delivered for God’s people!!!
I don’t fake my beliefs or how I feel or my emotions to make other people feel better about themselves or better about their situations!!
I stand my ground. I stand my boundaries and God is all I fear.!
And the Holy Spirit resides in my temple, so I’m never alone!
And I’m always the safest I could possibly be because I walk with the Lord or I don’t walk at all!!
Christ is a whole lifestyle- how you move how you speak how you treat others specially when done wrong how you speak on others what you do towards others your intentions- it’s a lifestyle and how you live on a daily basis !! Faith without works is dead, and works is a lifestyle lived daily!! It’s a soul energy into the heart with the mentality and mindset hosted by the Holy Spirit inside your temple!
Reading a couple Bible verses, every now and then, and twisting it to fit life situations for some false security, can be easily mistaken!
But when you go for quality over quantity, everything else falls short and always will!
So don’t be “”sad”” ever for anything that happens between us!
God put me here for a complete enlightenment! so that my soul could fully catch fire to the absolute depths that no one’s ever seen yet!!
God is creating magic, and I’m blessed to be a part of it!!
I never let this world fool me, I never forget God’s promise!!
I know how monumental and how glorious my place will be in the kingdom after all the sudden done!
That’s more than enough for me !!
“”””””””
And even though I did text it and replied, it wasn’t for her that was for me and for God!
God don’t take L’s — so you already know I’m #Winning ☺️😉😇
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Congrats, y'all fucking destroyed me like you wanted. I hate myself and don't know who I am, and no one talks to me because they don't believe anything I've said. Your fucking trauma you caused me haunts me almost every day. All the disrespect, all the stupid fights you would cause, your hypocrisy, your manipulation, you trying to control me, sexual abuse. Fuck you. I hope you all pay for what you've done to me. I fucking hate all 3 of you. The more trauma I received is all thanks to my mother never giving a shit about me. I wouldn't have ended up around 2 other narcissists if it wasn't for her abuse & neglect, and me having no help. So I did what I had to do to survive, and I hated it. They seem to be looking for more supply to by always changing their pfp. Especially him. He never used FB the whole time we were talking. After blocking and kicking him out of my life he all the sudden has a new pfp every few months or so. I see them from looking at Memories on FB some times and his old comments are there. This is taking me back to wanting to delete my account & remake it so I don't have to see this shit. There's nothing on my FB but old bad memories of people and how many people I used to know.
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I am ENRAGED right now.
Someone in my life fucking blew up my phone six times this morning, starting at four fucking fifteen am.
Requesting money when I had already SENT THEM THE REMINDER IN MY PHONE, TWO WEEKS AGO, to venmo them at 9 AM on the 15th each month.
This person requested a god damn payment, before SEVEN AM, while I was still fucking ASLEEP, and they just kept coming in.
It was a CHAOTIC morning, that bullshit aside. I had to get both girls ready and to school, then exercise, and as soon as I was finished exercising I couldn't even rest (which is a goddamn REQUIREMENT for my body, thanks post-exertional malaise!!!!) to hightail it to a doctor appointment (first time in a MONTH i've fucking driven so it was a nightmare) and they're just blowing up my phone all morning.
Why? Because we rely on this person for a crucial service/help. Not getting into details. I get home just before Lil's bus comes to drop her off, and send the payment and then unload Lil off and get her lunch.
I had been venting about everything to my husband all morning, and he decided to talk to the spouse of this person, to see if we could all approach this with calm heads so it doesn't happen, but, surprise, he just ended up making it worse, even though he literally said 'please don't tell any of this to [person]' surprise! They did.
So then this person texted my husband a long ass text defending themselves, blatantly lying about how many pings they sent AS WELL AS THE FUCKING TIMES, and ended the text with "or I'll just not [do the service anymore] if you don't want me to."
LIterally threatening to take away this service/help that we both rely on?! Because... I don't even know why? I didn't pay them fast enough??
WELL DON'T FUCKING SEND ME PAYMENT REQUESTS BEFORE I'M EVEN AWAKE THEN. DON'T.
Because we CANNOT lose this service/help, although my husband completely agrees with me that she was out of line and is super lying, we literally can do nothing. He's texting her back, as we speak, because I just told him to place all the blame on me, because "Joelle has been so unwell lately" and "had a chaotic morning" and he misunderstood what was going on.
Like fuck this. So badly wish I could prove they're a liar, and a manipulator, and UGHHHHHH. FUCK. FUCKFUCKFUCK
I took a xanax to try to calm down because I couldn't even breathe I'm so upset and wound up, and, SURPRISE, didn't do a fucking goddamn thing. ugh.
Like... who would ever pull shit like this? UGH. THey're ALWAYS the victim, no fucking matter what... and I am SO OVER IT but we cannot lose this service you guys, we can't.
Sorry, am just so angry, hard to word right now. uuughgggghghghhh
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