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bradassholemajors · 5 months

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Wtf Is Shock Treatment’s Deal? (Or, Local Critic Discovers Escapism and Having Fun In The Midst of Late Stage Capitalistic Dread)

Watched Shock Treatment for the first time this week, and I am a changed man lol. Here are some disorganized thoughts:

I think something that makes Rocky Horror so special is that it can be as deep or not-deep as you want it to be. Like, if you want to think about the cultural implications of the themes portrayed (hedonism, gay & trans liberation, gender roles, the Invasion-of-the-Body-snatchers style infiltration of outside queer forces, the downfall of the safety contained within a collective identity), you can absolutely do that! There’s so much to be interpreted there!! But if you are just here to see Tim Curry looking incredibly sexy and violently thrust along to the Time Warp at a midnight showing with a bunch of cool strangers, that is absolutely awesome, too. Slay!! Take what you want.

BUT SHOCK TREATMENT MANNNN??? Shock Treatment is a whole different ballgame lol. Like, it is also a thematically rich goldmine, if you’re willing to squint a little— in terms of content included, not necessarily how it’s portrayed within the narrative. In the words of Barry Bostwick here, “it was a statement about the future that we weren't quite ready to explore. We didn't really even have the mental emotional vocabulary to understand what Richard [O’Brien, the creator] was trying to say.” I think this is spot-fucking-on!!! It’s absolutely frighteningly prescient, especially today in terms of the commodification of mental health. Like, woah. Janet being crowned “Miss Mental Health” felt like such a Gwyneth Paltrow moment. Cultural prophet Richard O’Brien saw the dark cloud of Betterhelp and wellness culture galloping over in the horizon in the distance of the American landscape, and he set out to warn us.

I still don’t quite understand what happened in the movie. I still don’t know what my takeaway was supposed to be. And I guess if you’re a little insane and love having fun doing thematic analysis with weird media (like me), taking Shock Treatment seriously may be right for you, lol. But thematically overall I think it’s safe to say: it’s a lot less coherent than its predecessor. It’s messy. It’s not interested in being flawless. It’s not interested in appealing to an audience. It’s barely interested in being a sequel. Shock Treatment is lowkey pointing and laughing in the face of those who showed up expecting a masterpiece— which admittedly was me, because I take Rocky Horror pretty seriously. (I put off watching Shock Treatment for a while bc I wasn’t sure about how it would affect the Rocky Horror Universe I had in my head.) If not for the internet reviews prepping me, I would have walked in completely expecting another nuanced perfect symphony of a movie to measure up to Rocky Horror’s magic.

But the thing was? Watching Shock Treatment, it ended up I did not really care!!!!! I was having the time of my life!!!!!

(more under the cut whoops)

Wtf was going on!!!!!!!!!!! Who knows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still don’t quite know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I loved it!!!

This reaction of such joy, just letting myself vibe out made me think because when did I start getting surprised when watching a movie is more pleasurable than not??? Isn’t that the entire point of media??

I think with the modern commodification of media analysis and examining pop culture up close, I’d argue that Fun Media without a message is actually pretty hard to come by— at least in mainstream culture. Even stuff as sanitized as Disney movies are now digging into like generational trauma, appealing to what seems to be a collective search for depth (or at least the appearance of depth.) Modern neo-nazi brands of fascism wields power like never before, horrific images of violence follow everyone left and right. Sometimes it seems like this open secret, that everyone knows there’s this looming darkness at the forefront of our minds at all times.

So this transition from Rocky Horror to Shock Treatment felt actually sort of powerful to me. Rocky Horror’s generation-long reverberations of shamelessly depicting sensual revelry are so powerful; it’s bold even for today! (Of course, we all know transvestite isn’t a term commonly used today, but looking at it through the lens of its time, it becomes clear what a miracle the movie is. Knowing what it must have meant to queer people at the time it became a phenomenon— giving them a real space to be themselves in a hostile world criminalizing who they were, in a time of oppressive pressure to stay silent — that is the type of brave blatant acceptance hard to come by in any era.) Rocky Horror is something I don’t know if will ever happen again, and its sequel seems to concur.

Shock Treatment has been called a cash grab but I beg to differ. If you’ve seen it, no offense: but does this seem marketable to you??? It seems like it’s a Richard O’Brien project (already wacky) that went through several levels of development hell and heavy modifications through the creative process. Said with the utmost respect… it may have got away from them a bit. Put lovingly, Shock Treatment lowkey kinda sucks a little at times. It’s silly, it’s got a huge cast and musical fun galore. It’s serving B-movie realness. I don’t say this to bash on it, I say this with a bemused respect— I think the existence of Shock Treatment is as much a miracle as Rocky Horror (aren’t all creations???)

So in the first iteration, we have advocacy and fighting for freedom for those long silenced… but also, Shock Treatment seems to allow the creators to just let themselves have fun. Aren’t they both revolutions in their own right? Does everything have to be lasting cultural milestones or does our enjoyment matter in the moment? I’d argue we need both as human beings to thrive. It comes back to that Rocky-Horror-experience philosophy I covered where you’re taking what you feel you need most from the media you consume: a message or a celebration of just being here.

In conclusion, sometimes shit doesn’t have to be that deep. More movies should just say “fuck it, we ball” and give you the most absolutely incoherent fun time of your life. I love not taking things seriously, and I love creators willing to not take their work seriously. Perhaps Richard O’Brien also had a premonition with Shock Treatment in the sense of how he just had fun with it! Maybe we need less attempts at masterpieces and more attempts at just creation for the joy of it— or both, because joyful creation makes masterpieces!!! I’d love to see more creators of every skill level and every background, known and not known, say fuck you to capitalism and expectation and marketability and just say, we’re gonna do it anyhow, anyhow!!!

#this got away from me #just like #shock treatment #may have for #richard o brien #media studies #hey janet. i’ve got something to say #this is so incoherent but I’m okay with that ❤️ love and light ❤️❤️#written while I was so so sleep deprived pls only discuss if you are nice and kind abt it lol #love me writing a whole essay on how cool it is to not take things seriously - taking it Very Very Seriously #mamma mia #<- this is also abt her in a. way #Farley flavors call me

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prettyboykatsuki · 1 year

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i’m so over this new era of newgen watchers of rlly anything if i’m being honest. i’m gonna sound gatekeepy and annoying but i’m willing to put up with it if it means i get to rant about this to someone who might understand. i just idk maybe it’s just me but i feel like back then interacting with media wasn’t this popular? not just anime but shows in general i’ll go as far as to say book and movies also? like before covid i know lots of people who would tell me they didn’t watch tv n i feel like after it specially with the rise of tik tok these new watchers don’t know how to interact with said media?? n demonize any kind of movie or show that isn’t ideologically pure?? like idk i just see people n maybe it’s cause i’m on tik tok a lot so maybe it’s on me but i just feel like they don’t know how to watch stuff if it makes sense?? n get fake morally outraged at anything n anyone💀💀 i feel like they never learned how to take the characters out of the context of a story n enjoy them as separate entities?? idk like watching media has become this pseudo intellectual experience where these creators pat themsleves on the back for saying a bunch of words that mean nothing rlly as long as they sound smart. n it’s pissing me off. of course i think there should always be some kind of discourse revolving the stories we are watching but idk💀💀 ik it’s not important what a bunch of teens think of a show i watch but also i’ve seen the power of tik tok n it can be a lil scary thinking about the way they can just influence public opinion if making a tik tok about colleen hoover got z library taken down n the guys who made the site sent the prision

HELLO ANON YOU SENT THIS MANY DAYS AGO AND I REALLY WANTED TO GET TO IT WHEN I HAD A BIT OF FREE TIME AND THAT TIME IS NOW

so the tldr for this is that i agree. like. i don't really think this opinion is gatekeepy at all and i think its one of those things that on the surface seems unimportant but it speaks to how society is function (or in this instance... not function)

there's like. a lot of layers to this particular issue that i think would be very difficult to dissect meaningfully on here but i will try my best to try and explain my viewpoint of what it is. i actually talked about it on my sideblog the other day and i think we're sort of harping on the same point

we're always talking about media literacy on this app and how it's important and a lot of the time - i get feedback from people saying it isn't that deep. sometimes i'm inclined to agree, but i think more and more i'm coming to terms with how people are becoming increasingly... dependent? on escapism and fiction to give them moral guidance and substantiate their own goodness.

it happens especially in teens, especially younger teens but i think young adults aren't exempt from this either.

and the reason i think this is happening is because because of late stage capitalism and the increasingly predatory attempts to market off of fandom culture through sanitization.

this obsession with ideological purity and the lack of empathy towards real human beings is basically one long response to that collective state of exhaustion. 2020 was a year that showed companies how profitable fandom could be and in attempts to increase that profit - there was action taken both in the production and marketability causing the actual processing of content to become extremely evangelical and morally pure.

late stage capitalism has also created a sense of isolation. in karl marx theory of alienation - he details this phenomenon better than i ever could. but the basic concept is that the larger the gap becomes between the proletariat and their labor, the more people will lose touch with their humanity. and in that their sense of self. we're effectively seeing that happen in real time, and it's explanation for all the invasions of privacy, casual bullying, and generally lacking sense of self that people experience.

when you take extremely sanitized media and people estranged from a clear identity - you create a breed of people who are aimlessly seeking to become part of something in order to reconnect. no matter how negative or dangerous (which is also why we've seen a major increase in violent and cult like reform / fringe movements). when production of that media is so fast and so easily available, you get people who are mindlessly consuming things and creating these incredibly pseudo-intellectual and nonsensical debates in order to feel connected to that false identity.

i don't think it's gatekeepy to point out that this is happening. this obsession with creating fake moral panic about problematic and entirely fictious media is doing almost exactly what it's supposed - which is taking away real and legitimate critique of the world around us by ensuring and reinforcing that ideological purity and goodness can be bought in sold much in the same way we buy a can of coke off the shelf.

if you watch the right movies, and read the right books and watch the right shows you can be good without any effort. that's what people are often convincing themselves of. because its both messy and exhausting to confront that goodness within a human being is deeply complex and easier to uphold these weird and impossible beliefs.

#return to sender #x reader meta #we do be doomed #i hope this made sense anon!!!#and i hope u see this </3

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nixotinix · 6 months

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4, 13, and 20 from the MH list thing...

ok boos im gonna start with 13/20 because i have some THOUGHTS on 4.

13: How do you feel about the live action movies?

-they're giving old disney channel movies. they arent GOOD by any means, theyre actually really really bad. but for what its worth i liked sitting through the first one just because i could point out certain things and go "that's bad". the second one was mindnumbingly boring though.-

20: Random character headcanon!

-Ahem. Frankie makes tiny dolls of their friends and sews them tiny clothes. They have all of the dolls on their desk. Draculaura has nails with red bottoms. Clawdeen teaches the boo crew about different human holidays and they all celebrate in their own little monster ways. Lagoona is CRACKED at pumpkin carving. oh and deuce is bisexual. -

4: Are there any aspects of G3 that you dislike?

-Hoo BOY this is about to get long. You can opt out now if you don't wanna read my super long winded thoughts. But if you do, keep reading.

I have 2 major grievances with G3. First is the overall sanitization of EVERYTHING. (I'm mostly talking about the cartoon here, the movies do this surprisingly well.) One of the reasons I liked G1 so much is that it actually tackled real-world problems. Bullying, racism, sexism, unhealthy family dynamics. And it had actual villains like Valentine, Nefera, Whisp, etc etc. G3 has a horrendous lack of both.

So far in the G3 cartoon, the biggest conflict we've had is Draculaura coming clean about witchcraft, which is an allegory for coming out of the closet. And that is a super important issue and coming out of the closet is a huge deal to a lot of people. But the conflict with Dracula is resolved in exactly one episode, and the only other person who isn't cool with it is Toralei. But A: Toralei doesn't count as a villain because none of her actions have genuine lasting consequences and she isn't an actual threat + she gets a mini redemption arc and B: she also comes to accept the witchcraft in that same episode.

Another aspect of this, and who I believe are the biggest offenders of the sanitization of MH G3, is the recharacterization of Nefera and Manny. Sure, seeing Nef be nice to Cleo is great. Seeing Manny as this shy nerd kid is great. But I liked the dynamic a lot better in G1. Most of Cleo's problems and character development came from her troubles with her father and sister, and both of those are absent in G3, which leads to Cleo being a very static character with no real character progression outside of her romance with Frankie. Same with Manny. The only real "bully" character is Toralei, and like I said, she got a mini-redemption. There's no Gory Fangtell, no mean girl Toralei Stripe who actively goes out of her way to sabotage the ghouls in actually meaningful ways, and there's no Manny Taur. I liked Manny being somewhat of a bully in G1 since it introduced people to that idea. Monster High is all about being unique, but there's still bad eggs in the mix. I still like G3, but I feel like it needs to incorporate more story beats from G1. The show execs could definitely do a better job at introducing these things like bad parents, bad siblings, and bullies to prep kids for the real world, because things like that and worse exist. And shielding kids from it does more harm than good in my opinion.

Now for my second issue, which is what I've dubbed the Dracudollar effect. It's no secret that Draculaura is a wildly popular character, and arguably the most recognizable from the franchise. And this isn't all Mattel's fault, but they do share partial blame. In Generation 3, outside of single doll releases, Draculaura has been in every. single. doll line. I don't think this needs to be the case. I would love to see more Cleo, or Deuce, or Lagoona. But they've all been sidelined in favor of Draculaura. And Draculaura's dolls tend to be more expensive, too. Again, not entirely Mattel's fault. But I just think it's ridiculous when she goes for 5, 10, even 50 dollars more than other dolls (in the case of VH Draculaura vs SIS frankie, not g3 but worth mentioning).

Anyways. There are my grievances with MHG3. I really like g3 overall!! but there's definitely a few things that id prefer a different way

#monster high #ask game #monster high g3 #monster high generation 3 #had a great time typing this out wow

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jjtheresidentbaby · 2 years

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hii can i please request some cg!deacon kay headcanons? thank you in advance!!

Deacon Kay Caregiver headcanons

(Oh anon I love you so much, you are my favorite, swat agere my beloved <3, deacon my beloved <3)

Such a protective caregiver but it’s different than how Hondo is, Deacs much more subtle about it

No matter who he’s watching he loves to sit with them on his lap

Ends up watching chris and tan a lot but does step in to help watch street if Hondo needs it

Such a sucker for homemade projects his little makes

Will keep any stick/rock/shell he gets gifted

If his little was okay with it, he’d love to take them to church and show them off to all his church friends

Breakfast at diners after church >>>>

Plays dad music™️ in the car when going anywhere

It’s very important that his little has good health, both physical and mental

Takes them on hikes and/or long walks around the neighborhood

Lots of outdoor nature time

If anything comes up where he can’t watch his little he’d leave them with Hondo preferably but Street or Tan if in a bind

Does not let Luca babysit alone, he will forget all the rules and deacons little will need a week to recover

Loves watching old 2d Disney movies with his little late at night

Prefers to be called ‘dada’ or ‘dad’ but is open to most anything as he can’t get enough of his little using nicknames

Christmas is his favorite holiday and he does spoil the hell out of his little

Baking Christmas cookies are a must even if Deac has to call Hondo up for reinforcements

Drinks a ton of tea in general but likes to have matching mugs with his little

Is a wizard at shushing nightmares away or monsters under the bed

Such a gentle Cg

Will read every single bedtime book he has if his little is having a tough night

Will cry if his little is crying

Can not stand to see his little upset

Allows his little to do his nails and/or makeup if they really want to, with the condition of nobody seeing him in makeup

Loves to take his little swimming anywhere he can

Teaches them how to fish, or at least lets them help him fish

If there’s household activities to be done Deac is bringing his little along with him

A master at holding his little to his hip while screwing in screws or hammering a nail in

Can fix just about anything his little needs

Builds them a super cool playhouse if they request

Triple checks if they brushed their teeth before bed or washed their hands before eating

Carry’s hand sanitizer around at all times

Even if he buckled his little into the car, he asks before they drive away if they’re really buckled

#jj headcanons #caregiver!deacon #swat agere #deacon kay

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trainsinanime · 2 years

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I finally watched the “The New Mutants” movie, aka the last Fox X-Men movie, and it was surprisingly okay. The way the movie seemed to have sunk immediately made me think it was terrible, but nah. It’s not great either, but it’s largely inoffensive (except for the way it uses Native American culture and the whitewashing of Roberto) and a good thing to put on in the background. Essentially it feels like a slightly extended version of a middle-of-the-road Doctor Who episode; the kind where they’re on some sort of enclosed lab or space station or whatever, and something unseen is going around killing people, and it turns out the problem was human greed. And yes, it is sorely disappointing that the best they could do with the iconic Demon Bear story is this, but it’s a perfectly okay version of this.

A big part of this are the actors, all of whom (except Roberto) are really well cast. Maisie Williams as Rahne and Anya Taylor-Joy as Magik in particular are perfect, and their personality and chemistry with the others does a lot of the heavy lifting in this movie.

And the script really needs this help, because it’s kind generic, bland and uninteresting if you’ve seen Doctor Who episodes before, and in particular if you’ve read the original Demon Bear arc of the New Mutants comic. 90% of the movie is just characters stumbling into situations where they can reveal their tragic backstories some more. There are lots of random moments and randomly found files. My personally favorite part is when the kids randomly find polygraph machine and use it reveal backstories, because there’s literally nothing else to do in this movie. If we weren’t convinced that these kids care for each other, then this would be unbearable, but thankfully the actors do a really good job of making us invested.

When it comes to the actual horror, it’s, again, a bit bland and generic. There’s a reason why I keep coming back to Doctor Who and in particular boring Doctor Who episodes. Doctor Reyes, the main antagonist, remains entirely bland and boring. The psychic monsters that attack later are also a bit generic, and notably, the CGI in this movie is just uniformly bad.

The overall concept of the movie is not a bad idea for an adaptation, and a lot of details really work. I like that they made Rahne/Dani canon. I like how these teenagers don’t feel overly sanitized, and talk e.g. about sex in ways that seem age appropriate; not gratuitous, but a bit messy. I especially like the idea of using the asylum TV to play appropriate scenes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer as foreshadowing. It’s not necessary and it arguably hurts the movie at times; in particular when they show the Gentlemen from Hush, and then present a CGI monster that’s the same but looks worse and is less scary. But it does remind me of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and that’s always great.

Ultimately, it’s not terrible, and there are no truly awful choices here aside from the whitewashing. But it feels like the cheapest, blandest, most bare-bones version of this story, and that’s a shame. With just a bit more depth, and a lot more CGI budget, this movie could have been maybe not amazing, but genuinely good.

#new mutants #x men #the new mutants #xmen

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gayraccoonthing · 4 months

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Okay, I just got back from my two day trip and LET ME TELL YOU, I'm not lying when I say that shit was fucking AMAZING!

(Small note, this is mostly about the LGBTQ rep there. There was a lot of awesome POC rep, too, but I don't feel qualified to talk about that.)

So, first, we went to the Minnesota zoo (pretty awesome ngl) and saw lots of cool animals and scenery (shit was expensive tho lmao).

Then I got to go to Barnes and nobles (fucking score) got some Adam silvera books and left for the science museum.

And when I tell you this museum was one of the best places I've ever been in, I MEAN IT.

Because HOLY SHIT, it was so welcoming and inclusive, and that's not even going into detail right now. (Images and positive rant under cut)

OKAY! I'll do my best to describe the pictures a bit. Let me go on this positive rant about the museum and it's LGBTQ inclusivity because OH MY GOD.

So, we explored the first floor exhibitions a bit before going off to the omni theater (think movie theater but with a big ass screen that's curved to give the illusion you're in the place it shows on screen, hella headache inducing but fun. Don't recommend it for those with light, sound, or just general sensitivity issues. If I wasn't sensory seeking, it'd be hell.) And the ads go on the screen (ads for the museum, not other companies) and this comes up!

It's hard to read, but I figured a visual may help.

The header at the top says, "Pride in STEM" the paragraph below states as following, "We celebrate the scientists creating a world that's inclusive instead of exclusive, diverse instead of uniform, and powered by the communities they hold. Together, we can make a better place for science itself. Learn more at 500queerscientists.com" and FUCK, if I didn't already love the museum enough.

We go through all the exhibits and floors, all extremely awesome and educational, very hands-on (lots of hand sanitizer too) the dinosaur section was awesome, I loved sportsology (I don't even like sports), the human body section was fascinating, seeing the natural life in Minnesota was so cool, the musical stairs were so fucking fun, the tugboat was amazing, and there's so much more I loved.

And then the giftshop. God damn I loved that gift shop. (What's that one meme? The tumblr post. The one with the three dragons, idk.) And I start to look through, and there's an LGBTQ section!!! It's small, but it's so much more than any other gift shop I've seen.

(Picture from far away, couldn't get too close because my mom) (also, no more images in this post from here on, just so you know)

I ended up getting some awesome enamel pins and a small magnet and cheap button pin. And in the pin display, there was a whole lgbtq section for pins!! I got this trans dopamine test tube pin (pray to God my mom didn't see, I had to get brave and ask the person myself, lmao) unfortunately I didn't get a picture of the pin display, but it was so fucking awesome to see.

The staff were all so nice, SO FUCKING NICE YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

but this one lady at the register for the gift shop, I swear, she's amazing. I walked up with my pins to pay, and she looks at me, and I see her protect trans kids pin and her she/her pronoun pin, and I don't think I've ever felt more safe and secure in my life. And she looks at my pins (either my aroace pin on my bag or my new trans pin, no idea) and says to me, "you're just like me, I don't see a lot of people like us here." In such a sweet voice, I swear to God I MELTED right then and there (not actually, but in my head I'm screaming with pure happiness) and she smiles at me the whole time, and I'm just so fucking happy!

And on my way out, this person almost walks into me, and they say, "Sorry there, son." And, OH. MY. GOD. SON!!!! They looked at me, this 5'4, not passing at all, long hair, fem faced, me, and called me son!!! It could have so easily been some mistake (probably was), but, God, it feels so damn nice to be called son by a stranger! The gender euphoria is real rn.

I genuinely love that museum so much. It fills me with life.

So, if you're ever in St. Paul MN and looking for a good museum I highly encourage you to go there. It's amazing and I love it.

#queer #science museum of Minnesota #long post #trans positivity #images #elliots real life #elliot writes sappy shit #elliots adventures #elliot rambles #old draft but needs 2 be posted

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neptuneconjunctvenusprettygirl · 2 years

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Astro Notes Pt 1

Warning these can be hurtful

Tropical Astro

- Scorpio Mercury at libra degrees make for great artists.

- Aries degrees at MC can really surprise people when talking about Mars subjects by how willing they are to be bold ( violence, war, fighting, strength ) since they generally come off as cool headed.

- If you have the Medusa (149) asteroid closely conjunct Venus you might notice that you attract unwanted/uncomfy attention from men when acting/dressing with a feminine touch.

-Jupiter 12th house people really enjoy helping others and humanitarian efforts. Acts of service are things they like doing, they don’t come off this way though.

-Jupiter 12th housers have BAD phone addictions (esp tik tok).

-Your Draconic chart is your real chart and anything different in your Natal one is a defence mechanism created as you learned the world and grew up. That’s why so many young people can relate more to other signs ; they actually are another sign and haven’t transitioned yet.

-If you have Moon and Neptune 1st house you’re extra delicate and really like being taken care of, also slightly codependent.

- Libra placements love sweets; they especially love chocolate.

-If you have Pluto conjunct Venus in 1st house with any extra plutonic placements you love vampires, that’s just a fact.

-If you’re a Virgo moon in your draconic chart, but not one in your Natal you had stomach issues and a strong sensitivity to smells when you were younger. You probably assumed you grew out of it. You also probably carry around hand sanitizer.

-Real (Draconic) Aries moons don’t have tempers nearly as bad as the ones fake (Natal) ones grow into

- If you’re a Natal Libra Sun, but Draconic Virgo Sun you like acts of service, but are also a hugely fake when it comes to true kindness. You’re extremely good at faking nice, but when low on energy treat ppl around you that you can afford to like shit on an individual basis. You’ll go with the group, but in a one on one interaction your true colors show. This isn’t as bad if you’re not a Natal Libra Mercury, but Draconic Virgo one. The switch from sociable to dry and selfish going from the group to one on one is low key shocking. This generally is worse when they’re tired. I beg all people with these placements to get enough sleep and stop being so judgy, or at the very least get rid of the fake libra defence mechanism so people don’t expect something they’re not getting. Be your true Virgo self.

- Male Mars 5th house live for rock music and action movies, especially James Bond. Female Mars 5th house love roller coasters. Both love fighting and adrenaline. Both have egos about their physical strength.

- Sun in 11th house with Libra placements are fashion designers

-Sun in 11th house know about something before it gets cool

Sidereal Astro

- Swati placements love to draw stars and night skies in general.

- Swati placements have big eyes.

- Ashlesha Moons and Suns love snakes.

- Ashlesha Suns with Tropical third house placements can be insecure about their intelligence.

- Ashlesha Suns can have social masks. They want to avoid being a social reject and will fit in if necessary. Even if they have to avoid expressing their real opinions. They might make an extra effort to make others feel safe. Can be very calculated socially and notice every little thing.

- People with lots of Swati placements are very likely to be Ne users, somewhat likely Ti users

- Swati Moon is extremely independent. Can be arrogant. Generally seek internal validation. Most fulfilled once they understand spirituality. Children love Montessori.

- Ashlesha Mercury can create acne and skin issues in general.

- Jyeshtha Rising 4th pada loves indulgence in luxury. They’re intuitive and enjoy the artistocratic joys in life.

- Jyeshtha placements value violence. They’re competent and provide for themselves. Generally individualistic. They’re effective and enjoy solitude, but also crave people. Sometimes have superiority complexes. Can be angry with others for not thinking like them and don’t realize not everyone is naturally competent. Can be manipulative.

- Magha Moons’ are deep thinkers.

- Magha Moons’ can have too much pride. They can have hot tempers and lash out. Can be disdainful of others opinions. They like positions of leadership. They do still want approval from the group and have high standards for themselves.

MBTI

here’s a quiz you can take ( use your natal birth chart, not your draconic ) if the 1st link doesn’t work use the second :)

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silkling · 2 years

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So this is gonna come off as kinda rambley but I want to talk about something that's been bugging me for a while now. In the past decade or so, there's been this really weird shift of teens/adults who watch kids shows (think My Little Pony, Adventure Time, Steven Universe, etc.) and will, for some reason insist that "No, this show isn't for kids! It's too dark! See? It has like, colonialism/death/murder/slavery/genocide! It can't be for kids! That sort of thing is too mature for kids!" And idk, maybe its cause I grew up in the 2000's when kids cartoons were dark and weird and creepy, but hat sentiment always rubbed me the wrong way. (Courage the Cowardly dog comes to mind. That shit was bizarre and freaky and baby me absolutely ate it up).

Anyway, I just want to point out that that attitude is actually like, really dangerous? Kids aren't stupid. They aren't incapable of understanding delicate or sensitive issues like slavery and genocide. The insistence that a kids show is only a kids show if its sanitized as hell and has nothing serious is super problematic. Like, think for a second. I grew up watching Courage, which was very often visually terrifying but taught kids that its okay to be scared, because true courage is being scared but facing your fears anyway. I also watched a lot of Avatar, which had topics like genocide and war and death and even concentration camps (remember the episode where the earth benders were being taken to a prison in the middle of the ocean? Or the episode where Hama revealed water benders were kept in tiny cells and barely given enough water to survive, let alone bend?)

My point is, me, and my generation, grew up with cartoons that were for children, because the topics were simplified and the comedy was childish, but that also treated kids seriously, and didn't assume that their audience were too dumb or immature to pick up on subtlety.

But in recent years that's...less and less the case. When cartoons are made, the creators seem, very often, scared to go back to the old ways and add childish elements because then any potential adult fans will throw a tantrum. And when they're made more "mature", they often forget that their target audience are children. (Steven Universe was guilty of this, in later seasons.)

So now you have an issue where fewer and fewer animated shows are genuinely made for kids, because they pander to their older audience, and the kids shows that do exist are increasingly juvenile, to the point that shows are being made for 10 year-olds that I would only have watched at like, 5 or 6. Which basically means that most modern shows aimed only at kids prioritize bright colors and funny/entertaining animation over anything complex that could actually make their younger audience genuinely think and learn. And for the occasional show, this isn't a problem. (I watched a lot of Tom and Jerry as a kid, and Looney Toons, and neither of those have a lot of thought-provoking substance. But I also watched shows that did make me learn and think, like the ones I mentioned before.). The problem comes when those shows are the only ones that are actually made for kids, and the only ones that networks put out because now they have to pander to an older audience when they should be concerned with their original audience: the children. (Though I will say, there's some good modern shows that are explicitly for children and still thought provoking. Craig of the Creek comes to mind.)

Anyways, this also becomes a problem when any new shows are introduced. This year, we're getting two new Transformers shows: BotBots and Earthspark. And already, when all we've seen is a short trailer for each, there're fans throwing fits because they look childish, and where's the maturity, and every time I see that I want to scream. Because. Listen. Transformers...is for children. Sure, the IDW comics and Bayverse movies were less child friendly, but literally everything else in the franchise was made with children in mind. I remember this same argument around TFA, and now it's one of the most beloved shows in the franchise. Hell, even Rescue Bots got this treatment, and everyone I've talked to who watched it actually really enjoy it. And neither of those shows pander to a more mature audience. Both of them handle serious topics without dumbing them down too much.

Also, this argument hinges a lot on the idea that children can’t handle “dark” shows or movies. I can guarantee you that is not the case. Children can handle blood and violence and complex themes, especially if they’re delivered in a simpler format. (Some kids will even eat that shit up. Seriously. As much as people like to joke about the Warriors books as a series, they also have a lot of violence for books about talking cats. Im not even kidding. In the first series the main villain is killed rather graphically by having his belly cut open. And kids love that shit.) When I was little I watched Watership Down, and the Animals of Farthing Wood. Both of those are notorious for violence and blood, but they are for children.

Will some children be afraid of violence and serious themes? Sure. But kids will also be freaked out over inane things too. I used to be terrified of both The Polar Express and A Neverending Story. It’s true that some younger audiences won’t be able to handle scarier themes, but not every kids show has to have death or violence or frightening things to challenge the way kids think. At the end of the day, it just comes down to understanding that children are able to handle and understanding way for than modern media gives them credit for. Kids aren’t stupid. They shouldn’t be treated like they are.

And just...yeah. I don't know to end this off, but that's all I really had to say. Also, even if a show is for children...that doesn't mean an adult can't enjoy it. Rescue Bots and Craig of the Creek are both for young children, and they're both two of my favorite modern shows. I'm an adult, in case that wasn't clear.

So I guess I'll end it off with this.

EVEN IF YOU ARE AN ADULT, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH LIKING SHOWS MADE FOR KIDS. NOT EVERY KID'S SHOW HAS TO HAVE "MATURE" THEMES FOR IT TO BE OKAY FO AN ADULT TO WATCH IT. IF YOU'RE 20+ AND WANT TO WATCH A SHOW FOR 10 YEAR OLDS, DO IT. JUST DON'T INSIST THAT IT'S ACTUALLY FOR ADULTS TO SOOTHE YOUR OWN EGO.

That is all.

Goodbye.

#silkling rambles #transformers #transformers animated #transformers rescue bots #craig of the creek #courage the cowardly dog #avatar the last airbender #steven universe #my little pony #adventure time #cartoons #rant post

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gch1995 · 2 years

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Fanatics like yourself tend to view any sort of discipline as abuse, so your kids are going to grow up to be horrible spoiled abusive bullies, just like your lord and savior Satanakin Buttfucker. And when they inevitably get punished by the world because you won’t punish them, you’ll yell at the village for not raising your brats for you. Sounds like a horrible parent to me.

You know what, nonny, I think you need to let it go!

You don’t seem to understand that your side of the fandom has been winning for the past 13 years now! The original EU canon novelizations for the PT and OT, which were largely approved and/or edited by George Lucas as an extension of canon for the movies, is considered Legends now since Dave Filoni, Bob Iger, Pablo Hidalgo, and eventually Disney took over the franchise in 2012, and started rewriting everything that made Luke, Anakin/Vader, Padme, Leia, and the Skywalker family line at all complex, relatable, and interesting characters, in spite of their flaws. The complex, dynamic, nuanced, morally gray, and tragic characters that the Skywalkers once were has been getting erased to put them into narrow categories of good and evil, so that characters like Kenobi, Rey, Ahsoka, the Republic government, and the Jedi Council can be elevated and sanitized. Never mind the fact that the Skywalkers were the main characters of George Lucas’s series. For better or worse, the series was about Luke Skywalker and Anakin Skywalker. You have won by scaring off half this fandom and George Lucas! A lot of our canon, the original canon that was true to George Lucas’s vision, has been actively getting retconned in the past 13 years since the release of the 2008 TCW movie and TV series.

Yes, I know that George Lucas was involved in the running of that movie and show for the first few seasons, which is why he actually stuck to some of his points about how, in spite of being well-meaning, the Jedi Council fucked up and contributed to the fall of their Order, the fall of Anakin, and the fall of Dooku. However, Anakin, Padme, and Obi Wan are largely different characters than they were in the PT and OT movies and novelizations because of Dave Filoni, Pablo Hidalgo’s, and Disney’s hatred of the prequels, or desire to cater to the fandom that wanted Vader to be a male power fantasy cartoon villain.

Obi Wan actually comes off as more of a dick than he was in the PT films/novelizations. For all of his flaws of being blindly hypocritical, a coward in regards to his own emotions, and rather self-righteous, at the very least Obi Wan was generally pretty consistent in sticking to the Jedi Order’s rules until the end. He was wrong, and the end of Revenge Of the Sith showed his cowardice and underlying vindictiveness in regards to Anakin. In TCW, while he’s still too dedicated to the Order, he also had a crush on another woman, who he almost let go for the Order, but then he openly blasts Anakin for getting married to Padme behind the Council’s back, which doesn’t make consistent sense with the timeline either because, even if Obi Wan low key knew about Anakin’s relationship with Padme, he clearly never mentioned that he did to either of them, or even admitted to himself that he knew. In Revenge of the Sith, when he tells Padme that Anakin has fallen to the dark side and realizes she’s pregnant, he says “Is Anakin the father? I’m so sorry.” So like, at the back of his mind, Obi Wan knew that something had to be going on between Anakin and Padme, but he never mentioned it because he did care about Anakin like a little brother. It also was kind of his fault that they ended up falling for each other since he knew that Anakin was head over heels in love with Padme in AOTC before allowing him to go to guard her alone on Naboo, but still requested for him to take the mission, anyway, so it would look bad for him as a padawan master in front of Yoda if he’d ever found out. There’s no subtlety in his characterization anymore.

Padme is relegated to a tertiary character, so Filoni can add in Ahsoka as the main lead in TCW instead, and when Padme does appear on screen, she sometimes comes across as being a rather two-faced mean girl and strong woman™️

They flanderdized Anakin’s negative traits to foreshadow Vader a billion times over, even when what he’s doing is justified, and/or isn’t any worse than Obi Wan, Ahsoka, and the rest of the Order is doing in TCW (08-21). Whereas he was just more of a clingy insecure type attachment in regards to Padme in the movies and novels before falling to the dark side, they took that one scene where he choked her in a blind rage, paranoia, and frantic effort to avoid abandonment when he was high on the dark side and dissociating after seeing Obi Wan step out of the ship looking ready to kill him right as Padme was telling him she loved him but couldn’t be with him, and tried to make his entire relationship with Padme look like a mess of him being a toxically masculine, possessive, and controlling jackass.

While it was not an excuse for force choking her in the movie at all, that clearly was a crime of passion he made in his blind rage, fear and paranoia when he was completely out of his damned mind after having a mental breakdown on the high of the dark side for the first time, not this deliberate murder attempt because she “no longer fit his narrative.” The point was that it was entirely out of character for Anakin to do and to show how fucking out of his mind he was. If that’s just “who he always was” with Padme all along, then what was the tragedy in his fall? What was there for Padme to ever love? What was there for Luke to ever save?

Additionally, there was also this recurring trait in the narrative of the OT and PT movies and novelizations that Anakin became so deferential with his desires, his needs, his emotional/mental health, and his moral compass in regards to trying to fit in, please, and/or protect the ones he loved with Padme, Obi Wan, and the Jedi Order, only ever rebelling to try to be true to his own heart in secret, that it eventually caused him to have a complete mental breakdown in Revenge of the Sith. If he finds it so easy to publicly rebel and stick up for himself and his beliefs, then the sympathy and tragedy of his fall is also undermined. Anakin’s downfall was that he was too afraid to displease Padme, Obi Wan, his mom, and eventually even Palpatine to the point that his loyalties and trust between the people he loved became confused and fractured when he had a mental breakdown in Revenge of the Sith. This is consistent with what we see in regards to his conflicted heart between Luke and Sidious in Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi Order.

Anakin’s greatest downfall is how he has no sense of faith in himself. Even when he’s high and deluded on the dark side, he’s not interested in world domination unless he has a family member or loved one to defer to. Even though Sidious manipulated him to turn on everyone he ever loved in his fear and desperation, and openly treats him like garbage after he gets burned alive and put in that suit, he still has trouble letting go of his love for this guy he logically knows is the worst because Anakin Skywalker’s sense of self-worth is so low that he’ll latch on to anyone who was nice to him once forever, for better or worse.

Anakin/Vader was very much a Byronic Hero, a tragic hero, and a tragic villain with clear signs of deep emotional/psychological damage and mental illness that clearly never got properly treated in the narrative. Even if C-PTSD and BPD weren’t the official mental illnesses that he was diagnosed with in canon, it is clear that George Lucas and the writers of the OT and PT movies and novelizations incorporated several of those symptoms into his characterization. Not that mental illness is an excuse for crimes, but it makes sense why they would become dangerous when the person suffering from them is constantly in an abusive and oppressive environment of war from which options for healthy support, escape, and mental health treatment are limited to non-existent.

Then, you have Dave Filoni and Pablo Hidalgo openly admitting in the DVD behind the scenes that they didn’t like Anakin’s portrayal in the prequel movies because it was “too whiney,” so they deliberately rewrote him to be a “mix of Han Solo and Luke” because they wanted a more macho male power fantasy of the young man who became Darth Vader that made his fall seem more inevitable to cater to fans like you, nonny, who bitched that Anakin was “too whiney” in the prequels for years, rather than just taking his abuse from Obi Wan and the Council like a “good victim,” and sucking it up.

That has been how they’ve been rewriting Anakin/Vader since TCW (08), and it’s never going to stop because Disney is a cash cow that keeps catering to fans like you who wanted for this character to be the male power fantasy villain you thought you were going to get when you first watched “New Hope,” and are disappointed that you never fully did or will be able to get, even under Disney, if only because they can’t totally retcon his backstory by outright saying the Jedi Council and Republic did nothing wrong since Anakin/Vader wouldn’t have any reasons to turn on them at all.

So when I actually point out that the writers of the Disney version of the now “official canon” Star Wars actually did something right in terms of staying true to George Lucas’s original vision in an Obi Wan Kenobi comic by showing us how both he and the Council were very emotionally negligent parents to Anakin Skywalker who didn’t do enough to protect him, your response is to still deny that they did anything wrong, even though the narrative of your fucking Disney™️ Star Wars canon is outright showing you they did wrong by allowing him access to Palpatine alone!

I’m not a parent yet, but how is it good parenting to isolate children from their families and friends, to refuse to allow them to form healthy attachments, to refuse to allow them to develop any sort of faith in their sense of self, to refuse to allow them to have their own personal lives and relationships outside of just you, to teach them how to use lethal weapons, to completely gaslight, deny and shame them for having completely valid concerns, fears, desires, and negative emotions as “dangerous,” “selfish,” and “greedy,” and to completely refuse to emotionally and/or financially support them if they decide they want to leave, so they can groom them to be submissive soldiers for their order?

I could understand if Anakin and these kids were fully consenting, emotionally, physically, and mentally mature and stable adults who had full knowledge of what being a Jedi entailed, and who knew they could leave anytime without being cut off, impoverished, and/or shamed by the rest of the Order of “peacekeepers of the galaxy.” However, that’s not how they are running things in the prequels. What the Jedi system was doing to Anakin and these other members in the Order was abusive. Abuse is about breaking down and isolating victims to make them feel totally dependent on their abuser. Child endangerment and neglect happens when their well-being is risked and/or overlooked. You can’t deny that is what happened to Anakin Skywalker and these other recruits in the prequels. You just can’t.

If any adult was caught treating their kids in any of the ways the Jedi Council treated Anakin and those other recruits under their care in the prequels, they wouldn’t just get off with CPS for being “well-meaning” in their abuse, endangerment, neglect, and exploitation of them for warfare and politics of “the greater good.” They would be facing serious charges and jail time.

The entire Order didn’t deserve to be mass murdered in Order 66. Nor was Anakin right to participate in it as an adult. Nor does it mean that he didn’t deserve negative consequences for it. That was wrong and he does hold responsibility for making that choice, regardless of the mitigating factors of poor emotional/mental health, limited support, and limited escape options. No, the Council are not responsible for him making that choice to turn on them. However, they are responsible for allowing him to speak alone with Palpatine when he was a child under their care and for condoning and practicing that systematic abuse, corruption, emotional neglect, and oppression that created that emotional/mental instability, anger, desperation, moral confusion, pressure, and those insecurities in Anakin that lured him in that dark direction.

#star wars anon #let it go anon you’re winning because your fanon has been getting rewritten as canon by Disney and prequel haters #yep I still hope you never become a parent #anti disney star wars #anti tcw 08 #jedi council critical #yes they didn’t deserve to be murdered by anakin. that was wrong #but if you think the way that obi wan and the council was raising him and these kids was at all acceptable and not abusive #then I still shudder to think how you would treat your own kids #anakin skywalker #darth vader #luke skywalker #padme amidala

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love-patient-0s-writing-world · 3 years

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More Rantaro Headcanons

Class: SFW

CW: None (let me know if you want me to tag something)

Note: I swear I don’t only do Rantaro and Shuichi the rest are being worked on

You know his iconic green hair

Weeeelllll it’s dyed :O

He’s got aggressively dark brown hair

I mean he still looks really hot so-👀

Him with that dark brown hair and freckles

A ✨natural✨ look if you will

You’d change his name to “My Cowboy❤️” on your phone

You can imagine the fun time you both have when it comes to hydrating his poor bleached and dyed hair

Roots what’s that???

He makes sure that his ✨true color✨ never shows

If he does decide to let his roots grow out he really would be an avocado

Also please tell him he looks pretty or hot or handsome

Basically just compliment him when he decides to let it grow out

*gasp* “Who’s this handsome man standing in my bathroom with those luxurious locks and that cute butt?”

He let out a soft laugh “Good morning to you too (Y/N).”

Anytime you call him “Becky with the good hair” he’ll end up having to stifle his giggles

When he starts laughing and I mean laughing he’ll start snorting at first it’s little ones but the longer he goes on the louder they get

He likes sharing jewelry with you (don’t worry he sanitizes everything to hell and back)

We all know he’s rich as hell

This dork would buy so many couple’s jewelry

Especially rings

He got an Animal Crossing themed set of couple’s rings when the game came out

Ever need or want fashion advice he’s the person to go to

Whether at home or in a store he will compliment you until you believe you’re the snack you are no matter the clothes

He’ll raid your closet when you two are done

And look better than you in your own clothes

Please wear his stuff too

He thinks you looks adorable in them

Something he enjoys doing is making you breakfast in bed

If you’re in a tough spot or super stressed out he’ll make sure you dont lift a finger the entire day

Wanna take a bath? The tub is being filled

Want a massage? Soft spa music will start playing

Wanna watch a movie? Netflix is already open

Want to only cuddle all day in bed? His arms are wrapped around you in a heartbeat

Basically Rantaro is the best boyfriend to exist

His new talent title is now Ultimate Boyfriend

He loves you so much you don’t even know

But don’t let his calm exterior fool you

He fears losing you a lot

Both as a romantic partner and literally losing you like how he lost his sisters (he was able to find them but is scared that’ll happen again)

It’s the second one that he worries about the most though

Always holding your hand or has an arm around your waist

If you’re uncomfy with PDA

He’ll ask if he could hold onto a piece of your shirt while you two are out

If you’re wearing pants that have belt loops he’ll hook a finger onto one of them

Rantaro Amami being the little spoon? It’s more likely than you think.

When he’s having not so great days there’s nothing better than curling up in your arms with his face buried in your neck

Likes laying his head on your chest so he can hear your heartbeat

It reminds him that you’re here with him and not lost in some place where he’ll never find you

Give him forehead kisses whenever he’s like this, it really cheers him up

Smiley lil avocado💚

Give him all type of kissies in general (he really likes your lips)

Lowkey touch starved but it’s subtle kinda

If you’re cooking or just standing somewhere, he’ll just come up from behind and wrap his arms around your waist

If you’re constantly cold, congratulations you have a lil heater for a boyfriend

He quite literally makes you melt

Gives the absolute best hugs and cuddles ever

Make sure to give your avocado love and affection everyday as it will help him grow stronger

I hope you enjoyed reading this! Remember to drink water, eat something and get plenty of rest! Feel free to return whenever you want traveler, take care!💜

~Love Patient 0

#🌹x reader rose🌹#🌺headcanon hibiscus🌺#rantaro amami x reader #rantaro x reader #amami rantaro x reader #rantaro #rantaro amami #amami rantaro #danganronpa rantaro #drv3 rantaro #ndrv3 killing harmony #ndrv3 #killing harmony #new danganronpa killing harmony #drv3 #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #danganronpa killing harmony

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libsterslobsters · 3 years

Text

The Wanton Song

Summary: How do you broach the topic of sex with the 90-something super soldier you've found yourself dating? That's the reader's question. Luckily, she and Bucky are no strangers to awkward conversations...

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x fem!enhanced! Reader

(Reader can see bits and pieces of the future in visions and understands all languages)

Warnings: SMUT, tiny bit of angst, lotsa fluff, maybe some past dub!con if you squint

Author's note: Wow... here I am posting smut on the internet. Never thought that would happen. Tmi, but I'm married, so I have a good amount of sex 🙀 and I actually had a great first time, but some people don't, and that's what I tried to represent. That, and CONSENT!!!! Consent is sexy, y'all. Safe, sane and consensual all day every day.

As always, the reader's name isn't stated so that you can read as a self insert, but I've written so much at this point that I refer to the Reader as Violet in my own mind.

*************************************************

Life has been going swimmingly these past few months. Better than ever before in fact, or at the very least, better than in a long time. She’s still a fugitive, living life looking over her shoulder, but now she has a steady job, a steady paycheck, and oh yeah, a steady boyfriend. Those three things have never aligned for her before (especially the last one). Overall, she’s pretty happy. But, because she’s her, there’s still a question niggling at the back of her mind.

The transition from “you’re my only friend” to “we’re together now” went smoothly, helped in part by the fact that Barnes had been at that particular juncture the whole time. From the outside looking in, the only major changes have been the addition of those three simple but very key words and an upping the anti in the cuddles department.

Speaking of cuddles, that’s a very mild term for what’s going on these days. It starts out innocent enough. The usual location is on the couch at one or the other’s apartment. There hadn’t been much distance between them since that first time where they ended up talking more than watching the movie playing from her laptop, but now, the space is nonexistent. As a general rule, within the first ten minutes, her legs somehow end up over his lap or in some way intertwined with is. The intention is always to pay attention to what’s on the screen but, well, when you’re that close, it would be rude not to snuggle up. And, when the other person looks that damn kissable, it would truly be insulting not to take the plunge.

Now, considering the angle, one of them has to lean in. Otherwise, it would be awkward. That generally determines who, somewhere from two to ten minutes later, is on top of who. Of course hands wander, and even though it’s understood that the word “no” can be employed at any time and immediately obeyed (not to mention the copious amounts of “Is this okay”’s being asked), she can’t remember a time either of them have said it.

If she had to attach a term to what comes next, it would be ‘dry humping.’ And then… nothing. It always ends far too soon, leaving her flustered and with her heart racing. At first she thought it was because he simply didn’t want her, but, well, there’s certain physical signs that point to that not being the problem. Her next guess was that he’s simply being respectful. Well, as sweet as that is, she’s ready to get on with it. She’s only human after all, and as such, has needs. Sure, she could take care of them herself, but if she had to guess, he’s experiencing those needs too, and from what she’s heard, it’s more fun to take care of it together.

The only issue: how the hell do you bring something like this up, especially when the person you’re bringing it up with grew up in a much more repressed era than you did? She’s been debating it for the past week, and despite having multiple visions, none of them have given her that key insight into what to do.

Finally, she decides to just say it. They’ve made a point to be honest with each other, and it’s probably best to get it out of the way. They’re adults, after all. They can have this discussion. She’s going to come straight out with it.

“Hey, can I ask you something? It’s kind of personal, and maybe a little uncomfortable.”

“Sure, Doll.” The response is immediate. “Fire away.”

Glancing up to make sure they’re not at a pivotal scene in tonight’s movie (they have a system; at his place, watch something he grew up with, at hers, something made literally anytime after 1945), she spits out the whole sentence in one breathless go. “Are we ever going to have sex?”

It feels like a branding iron where his arm is still wrapped around her shoulder. Still, it’s comforting. At least he’s not moving away.

“I gotta admit, that’s not the question I was expecting. What brought this on?”

She shrugs, carefully keeping her eyes trained on the wall behind his head instead of on him.

“Nothing in particular. Just…” is there a delicate way to put this? “...I think things are going well between us, and sometimes when we’re together… I’ve noticed that there’s a physical response.” She’s really hoping that’ll suffice, because she can’t think of a good way to say “I can feel that you’re hard when you’re on top of me”.

“Oh.”

Apparently, her meaning is indeed clear enough, because he removes his arm from her shoulders. She’s about to apologize (all the while mentally berating herself) when his hand closes over hers.

“I’m sorry about that, Doll. I’ll try to stay calmer.” Wait, that’s not- “It’s just an issue guys have. Don’t think it means you have to do anything that you don’t want to, because I would never-”

“I know you wouldn’t.” Without thinking, she cuts him off. “And I want to.” It feels like she’s sitting in a sauna, she’s so flustered from this conversation. “But only if you do, and I understand if you didn’t-”

“No.” It’s abrupt, cutting her off. A definite answer that leaves no room for questioning. “No, I do. I just-” He clears his throat. “-I didn’t want to bring it up, in case we weren’t on the same page. “ This seems to be a recurring theme, so far. “And it’s not a must. If you change your mind-”

It’s pure instinct. There’s no thought involved as she closes the gap between them, this time with her on top, and presses her lips against his. The response is immediate and enthusiastic. She considers just going on, not putting a stop to things, but realization hits that, although overall she’s ready for this to happen, she’s not ready for it to happen tonight. There’s still things she needs to take care of. Most importantly, protection.

So, gasping for breath, she pulls away. “I’m calling for a rain check, but if after that, you still think I’ll change my mind-” she pushes back her hair and forces herself to take a deep breath. “-then you may just be beyond help, Barnes.” If the chuckle is anything to judge from, she’s made her point.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Wow. Bucky thinks to himself as he exits out of the browser tab on his phone. That’s enough internet for one day. Too much, actually. He knows that it’s the information superhighway, but good god, no one needs THAT much information. He really needs to be more specific with what he googles… or less… or just not at all.

He’d never admit it (and really, who the hell is gonna ask him anyway), but he spent the last hour looking up how to have sex. He’s engaged in the act before, yeah, but it was seventy years ago. Plus, it used to be this huge taboo thing that you suspected was going on behind closed doors, but no one (not even the married couples) owned up to it. If you were ever found out, there were severe consequences. As a man, he didn’t have to worry as much, but if whoever the woman was had her dirty laundry aired… oh boy. She’d be a pariah, a “scarlet woman”, unfit for marriage or to even give the time of day. That led to limited encounters, and, well, it just seemed smart to brush up on what information is out there. As it turns out, people have written a lot about the fine art of love making. Unfortunately for him, most of it is absolute garbage. Some of the positions he just read about (because at that point, the article was like a train wreck; he badly wanted to look away, but he couldn’t) don’t even sound possible, much less pleasurable. He’s all for society being freer, but good grief!

He’s halfway through a bottle of straight vodka (it won’t have any effect, but he’s hoping maybe the alcohol will travel to his brain and sanitize his eyeballs from most of the shit he just read) when his phone rings. Great. He’s always happy to talk to her, but right now… wow. It’s gonna take him some time to recover, so he hopes she doesn’t need him to say much.

“Hey, Doll.”

“I am so fucking pissed off right now.” That sounds promising.

“At what?”

“The city of Bucharest, my apartment, the landlord, whoever the fuck did the plumbing in this building! God!” She’s clearly out of breath, so it takes a minute before she can speak again. “I’m sorry, Buck. It’s just that I came home from work, and one of my neighbors told me the entire sixth floor is under a good inch, inch and a half of water.” Wait-

“How-”

“I don’t know. Busted pipe. It’s leaked down onto the fifth floor, so I’ve got about fifty other pissed off people for company.”

“Jesus.”

She chuckles harshly. “Yeah, we could use him right about now to perform a miracle. This is a shit show, and I haven’t even told you the best part.”

“So the spontaneous flood wasn’t the highlight of your day?”

“I fucking wish! So, naturally, I tried to call the landlord, along with basically everyone else. Get this: since it’s after five o’clock on a Friday, he’s not gonna do anything. Told us collectively to suck it up! And of course, when there’s a leak, they have to cut the power…” He’s starting to see a pattern here.

She sighs. “I really needed to get that off my chest. How are you?” Still slightly weirded out by the information overload, but feeling a little more steady now that he’s got a good catastrophe to concentrate on. However, that’s probably not the best answer to go with.

“Better than you are.”

“What, the sky isn’t falling where you are?” He chuckles.

“No, it’s right where it’s supposed to be.” Which reminds him… “But since it seems like you’re short a functional home, why don’t you just stay here until they sort things out?” He’s got a couch that, while it doesn’t have anything on an actual bed, he can manage to sleep on for the next few nights. Or maybe they can share his bed. He shakes his head. That thought needs to be put to the side, even if it’s meant in the most innocent way possible. Of course, in case she decides to cash in that rain check…

“Yes. I mean, that would be great, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” Actually, he can’t think of a better way to spend the weekend. The plan was to meet up either Saturday or Sunday, possibly both, so this isn’t that far out of the ordinary.

“Okay, but just a warning: They’re not letting us go up to our floor in case there’s been electrical damage as well-” That’s smart. If the pipes are in that bad of condition, who knows what the wiring looks like. “-so all I have is my purse, backpack, and what I wore to work. No toothbrush or pajamas, or anything like that.”

“That’s alright. All you have to bring is yourself.” He’ll have to look, but he’s pretty sure he has something in his closet that’ll work okay for her until she gets the all clear to go into her apartment. Plus, there’s a laundry mat just around the corner, not to mention a pharmacy.

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“Not a problem.” He glances at his bedside clock. Five thirty-four. It takes roughly half an hour to get across the city by bus, so… “I’ll see you around six fifteen?”

“See you then.”

As soon as the line goes dead, he springs into action. First thing’s first: make sure there’s no dirty clothes, old dishes, or trash laying around. That takes all of five minutes. He should probably check that he does indeed have something she can wear so they won’t have to fumble around later. Tshirts are pretty universal and… yes, he has a few pajama bottoms that have a drawstring waist. How much time does he have left? The phone screen lights up, giving him his answer. Twenty-seven minutes. More than enough time to run around the corner and pick up a few things.

His intention is to buy the basics: spare toothbrush, deodorant, hairbrush, maybe a different shampoo than his three-in-one body wash (it’s convenient for him, but she might prefer something designated for hair specifically). But, well, there’s quite a few aisles, and he gets sucked in. Does he need to buy razors, or is that rude, like he thinks she’s hairy? What about aspirin? How often do most people get headaches? He honestly can’t remember.

By the time he realizes that he really needs to get a move on, his basket is full and he has no idea what aisle he’s on. Desperately, he looks around, and his eyes land on… huh. So they just have them out in the open these days. Last time he was in the market for that, he had to beg a married friend to make the purchase for him. He briefly wonders if he’ll need to produce proof of marriage or something similar, but pushes the thought to the side. It’s the 2000s. He can probably just go up to the register and pay, and no one will give him a second look. But there’s just one problem: which brand? He should google… suddenly remembering his adventure from earlier today, he decides to just go with his gut and pick one. There. Now, he needs to pay and get the fuck out of here because there’s only ten minutes left, and he’d rather not have these out in the open, in case she thinks that’s the reason he’s asked her to stay over. If it happens, great. If not… well, he’s made it for the past seventy years. What’s a few more?

___________________________________________________________________________________

She was still pretty shaken up when she arrived at his apartment, carrying her backpack and purse, slightly damp from the drizzle of rain now covering the city. But immediately receiving a long hug, being instructed to make herself at home, and hearing the offer to take a shower so she could warm up did a lot to restore her good mood.

It was one of the sweetest thing she’s ever experienced in a lifetime where most people have showed her their worst, going into that bathroom and finding a new toothbrush, stick of deodorant, nail clippers, hairbrush, and even shampoo. That and Barnes bashfully informing her that, “I’ll stay in the living room until you’re done. Take your time.” She almost suggested that he just join her in an attempt to broach the subject they left off on two nights ago, but thought better of it. She’s just started to strip when a knock comes from the other side of the wall.

“Sorry. I just remembered that I forgot to give you a change of clothes. Can I leave them outside the door?” A smile forms on her face.

“Sure. Go ahead.” No one’s given this much thought to her comfort or boundaries before. Yet another reason she knows this is the right decision.

She doesn’t stay in the shower for long, just enough time to wash and stop shivering. After toweling off and brushing out her hair, she cracks open the door. Sure enough, a worn but clean tshirt and pair of pajama bottoms are waiting for her. The familiar scent of the laundry detergent he uses envelopes her as she dresses and, at long last, leaves the safety of the bathroom.

True to his word, he’s still sitting on the couch, thumbing through a book she gave him some months back (he’s missed so many feats of literature that have made their way into pop culture; today’s choice is The Hobbit because, while it was out before everything happened to him, he’s never read it) when she emerges. Just in case he’s so absorbed that he hasn’t heard her, she repeats his gesture from earlier and knocks softly on the wall.

“Hey. I’m out. You can have your apartment back.”

“Hey.” That smile always makes her feel slightly unsteady on her feet. “Find everything okay?”

“I did.” She settles into the place next to him. “Thank you, by the way. You didn’t have to go out and get supplies.”

“I know.” He nods, hand closing around hers. “But I wanted to make sure you had whatever you needed.”

They chat for a while about their days, discuss what they should do with the weekend ahead, even throw out ideas for dinner. The entire time, she’s trying to figure out the best way to bring up that she’d really like to finish what they started the other night. However, by the time he’s left to grab some sort of takeout, she’s still no closer to an answer.

Fortunately, their dates usually follow a pattern. Food, a movie, and then the not-so-innocent cuddles. This time, he’s on top of her when she feels the tell-tale sign that he’s as fired up as she is, so she suggests,

“Do want to maybe move to somewhere more comfortable?” His already dilated pupils grow even larger, and he nods.

“Yeah. That sounds like a plan.” She waits for him to roll off of her and head towards the bedroom before she grabs her purse and, digging around inside, grabs one of the foil packages she bought after their last date.

It’s only once she closes the door behind her, shutting them into an enclosed space with a bed (not to mention it’s pretty damn clear what both of their intentions are), that nerves get the better of her. He takes a step towards her, and she leans up to kiss him, but he ducks his head out of the way.

“You’re shaking.” His hand ghosts over her arm, making it obvious that, by comparison, she’s practically vibrating on the spot.

“Sorry.” She chuckles nervously. “It’ll pass.”

“It’s alright.” As he says it, he meets her eyes. ��We can stop. Nothing has to happen.”

“I know.” She nods, swallowing hard. “But I want it to.” Their lips briefly meet before he pulls away again.

“Let me ask you, just before we get started, is this-” He stops short, eyes darting from her face to the wall and back again. “...have you… before?” Oh. “Not that it matters, not to me, I just wanted to know so that-”

“I have.” She nods, feeling heat rise to her cheeks. “Once. I was eighteen, and-” It was awful. She’d been seeing the guy for a few months and he kept whining about her not putting out, so she decided to get it over with. He went in dry without any warning, and when she asked him to stop, give her a second to adjust, he told her he couldn’t. She was bleeding and in pain for days afterwards, and to top it off, when her period was late, she thought that, even though he’d pulled out, she was pregnant. That turned out not to be the case, but it, along with the fact that she usually doesn’t stay in one place for very long, has put a damper on her ever wanting to do that again. Except for now. “-it wasn’t a great experience.”

“I’m sorry.” On instinct, she searches for the judgment in his face, the disgust. It’s nowhere to be found, only genuine sympathy. “I’ll do my best to make sure this time is better. That is, if you’re still up to it.”

“I am.” Not waiting for a reply, she wraps her arms around him and starts trailing kisses up his neck towards his ear. “I am. I trust you.” She hears his breath catch, but before she can comment, he’s hoisted her up and is carrying her in the direction of the bed.

As he sets her down, she pulls him on top of her, letting her hands wander over his sides, up his back. After a few moments, she feels his fingers move from her hips to toy with the hem of her… his.. shirt.

“Is this okay? Can I take this off?” She starts to nod, but remembers just in time that he’s so close, they’d butt heads.

“Please.” She expected to feel exposed once she was at least partially undressed, but instead she feels… adored. His eyes are roaming over her newly exposed skin, though his hands have respectfully returned to her waist. In a moment of confidence, she reaches behind her and unhooks her bra. There. Now she’s completely shirtless.

“You’re so beautiful.” The flush from her cheeks is spreading down her neck, but she still smiles.

“Care to make things even?” It’s brief, but she catches the look of hesitation.

“Sure.” Before she can offer to do it, he shrugs his shirt over his head, revealing to her, for the first time, the entirity of his metal arm. She must look for a moment too long, because with a shrug, he informs her, “I can put my shirt back on. No big deal. I know there’s some scarring…” That’s not going to fly. She needs to reassure him, make him feel as desired as he’s made her feel.

“Or if you want to stop-” She stands and, after briefly making eye contact, places a kiss on the most prominent scar.

“Don’t you dare think that way for a second.” They’re flush against each other, chest to bare chest. “Not for one.” Slowly, she slides her hands from his shoulders down to his waist, hesitating just over the button. “Is this okay?” Another shakey breath.

“Yes.”

Going forward, it’s much less awkward. The rest of their clothing is shed, and soon they’re back to their previous position; on the bed, with him on top of her. She feels his fingertips brush the inside of her thigh and gasps.

“May I touch you?” She nods.

“You’d better.”

It’s gentle, more of him feeling her out than anything else. Still, she can’t help but think this is infinitely better already than last time around. Suddenly, he pulls his hand away, and it takes all her effort not to whine at the loss of contact. Before she can ask if something’s wrong, does he want to stop, he’s flat on his stomach, head between her legs.

“Tell me if you need me to stop.”

“What-” Her breath catches as it becomes infinitely clear what he’s doing.

Again, she’s expecting pain when, after several minutes he eases a finger into her, but at this point, she’s so wet that there’s absolutely no difficulty.

“Are you okay?” She nods.

“Don’t stop.”

The process is agonizingly slow, he’s so intent on his task. When, finally, he pulls away, she’s so close that she can almost taste it.

“Do you still want to-”

“If you don’t stop asking me that, I’m gonna slap you.” It’s a joke, and she thinks he knows it, but just to be sure, she siezes his hand (the metal one, which is usually cold but has now warmed from being held close against her body. “I’m ready, so long as you want this too.”

“I do. You wouldn’t believe how much.” Yeah, she thinks she would. “Just give me a second.” Perfect timing. He rolls off of her, which gives her the opening she needs to grab the packet she managed to hide under the pillow while he was… otherwise distracted. When he returns from digging inside the wardrobe, she holds it up, only to realize-

“Oh.” He’s got one as well. “Seems like we both came prepared.”

He chuckles. “Just in case, although that wasn’t why I asked you to stay.”

“I know.” She nods and pats the space next to her. “Not why I said yes either, although I can’t say I’m disappointed.”

He returns to the bed and drops his packet onto the nightstand. “Save this one for later?”

“Definitely.”

There is a bit of discomfort once he starts to push inside her, but it’s not painful. Just… overwhelming. Slightly embarassed she asks,

“Can you wait a second? Please?”

“Of course. Are you alright?” She shifts her hips slightly, making them both groan.

“Fine. You can move now.”

She may have only done this once before, and she has no idea what his experience consists of, but as she hits her peak mere seconds before he does, gently coaxed over the edge, she can’t help but think some things are better the second time around.

“I love you.” It’s whispered against her neck as, once she cleans up and returns to bed, she settles herself against him.

“I love you too.”

___________________________________________________________________________________

The first thing he thinks when he realizes that he’s not alone in bed is that HYDRA’s found him. He’s being activated. His eyes shoot open although apart from that he doesn’t move a muscle, and that’s when he recognizes the person next to him. It’s her. She’s here.

The events of last night come back to him all at once, and he feels a smile forming on his face. It’s been a while, and in any case, it would be wrong to run a comparison, but what they shared, the pure intimacy of it both physically and mentally was incredible. Maybe he should feel a sense of shame. That’s what he was taught growing up. But instead he feels… peaceful.

That is, until her eyelids flutter and she rolls over, shifting the covers so that he gets a good view of her still naked body, and with it, the bruises on her thighs and hips. Bruises unmistakably left by his fingers. Dammit. He’s done the last thing he ever wanted to do: he’s hurt her.

“Good morning, sleepy head.” She yawns, the teasing words muffled. “It seems like we overslept.”

His mouth goes dry, and all he can manage to choke out is a simple, “Yeah.”

She frowns, sitting up slightly, and lets out a small groan. “You alright there, Bucky? You look a little off.” The late morning light only serves to highlight more marks he’s left, this time on her shoulders, neck, and breasts. Stubble burn. Hickeys. Why the hell was he so rough? At the time, he thought he was being gentle, but obviously he’s just as much of a monster as Bucky Barnes as he is once the Winter Soldier takes over.

She’s still staring at him, brow furrowing in concern.

“Fine.” He clears his throat and begins to sit up. “Stay here. I’ll make you a cup of tea, maybe some oatmeal.”

“Alright. Don’t be gone too long.”

Her words follow him out of the room, and into the kitchen. Fuck. He should’ve known better.

Maybe once upon a time, he was a decent man, one who could be with a woman like her and not do her a disservice. But now, it’s clear that he falls short in every way. In an act that was supposed to be pure pleasure, a way of communicating how much they mean to each other, he’s hurt her.

“I trust you.” The words from last night ring in his ears. He shouldn’t have let her. It’s pretty damn obvious that, even at the best of times, he can’t be trusted.

“Tell me what’s going on.” Even with his enhanced senses, he still jumps in surprise as the unexpected words come from behind him. He turns around slowly, not wanting to startle her. She’s standing there, clad in only one of his shirts, arms crossed over her chest (now bearing his marks), staring him down.

“Nothing.” He shakes his head.

“Bullshit. I had a vision of you staring off into space, and here you are, jumpy as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.” At another time, her choice in phrases would make him chuckle, but right now, he can’t muster it.

“Last night-” Her eyes widen, but she stays silent. “I hurt you.”

“No, you didn’t. Not at all.”

“I did.”

She frowns. “Bucky, I think I’d know if you’d hurt me, and I’m telling you, I’m fine.”

“Doll, look at yourself!” He reaches out to take her arm, but immediately freezes. “Go in the bathroom and take off your shirt. Take a good look in the mirror and then tell me I didn’t hurt you.”

“Alright.” Her jaw clenches, and she marches off in the direction of the bathroom. A deep sickness gnaws at the pit of his stomach and, completely worn out, he sinks into a kitchen chair.

Not thirty seconds pass before she walks back into the room, this time completely undressed.

“Tell me you’re not talking about a few love bites.”

“And bruises! You may not have noticed, but they’re in the exact shape of my fingertips.”

“Oh my god!” She shakes her head. “It’s a sex injury. A minor one at that! If you didn’t heal so damn fast, you’d probably have nail marks all over your back!”

“That’s not the same thing.”

“How is it not the same thing?”

“I’m a monster! And you’re not.”

She takes a determined step towards him, and he leans as far back as the chair will allow.

“Bucky, you are not a monster, and I am not afraid of you.”

“Then you’re stupid.” He hates himself for his sharp words, but she needs to take this seriously. Underestimating how dark, how evil he can be, is a mistake. A deadly one.

“Hey!”

“Don’t you get it?” Without any input from his brain, he stands. “They could find me, and with a few words, I could stare you dead in the eyes as I murdered you! If you were my mission, I wouldn’t even hesitate, and you’d be dead before your body hit the floor!” Her mouth falls open, but she immediately closes it again. “This isn’t something that can be worked through with some patience and a positive attitude! I could kill you!”

“So could a million other things!” Her voice rises in volume, and before he can contain it-

“But they’re not in the bed sleeping next to you!” He’s shouting at her. God. Everyone is right. He’s beyond saving.

A few tense seconds pass before she looks up at him, a steely look in her eyes.

“Look, I get it. I know what you could do to me.” As she speaks, she pulls out a chair and sits. “But I could also get run over when I cross the road, or the room could fill with carbon monoxide while I sleep. I could have an aneurysm and drop before anyone knows what’s happening.”

He opens his mouth to tell her the likelihood of any of those things happening is far lower than the chance that he’ll hurt her, this time in a major way, but she holds up a hand, silencing him.

“I’m gonna be cautious, but I’m also not going to live my life in fear that the ceiling is going to collapse or nuclear war is going to strike, or that someone is gonna turn up and say the magic words that make you go cuckoo for cocoa puffs-” What? “-and I just realized you’re too old for that reference.”

“That’s another thing-” He’s about to remind her exactly how big their age gap is, that although he’s physically close to her age, chronologically, he’s closer to the age of her great grandfather, but she lets out a sudden groan of frustration, and that makes him bite his tongue.

“Oh, fuck off, Barnes! If you’re about to start in on how you’re too old for me, then I’m not gonna wait for you to go full Winter Soldier before I kick your ass!” Out of all things, that’s what snaps him out of it, makes him feel like maybe, just maybe, there’s still a chance they can make the best of things.

Smirking, he asks her,

“You think you could kick my ass? Really?” It must be the breaking point for her too, because she snickers.

“Of course. It’s the little bitches you have to watch out for.” That’s it, he’s laughing, nearly doubled over, and from the looks of things, she’s in much the same state.

“You’re something else, you know that?” He asks between stilted breaths.

“I think we both fit in that category, Pal.” Her smile fades, but only slightly. “Bucky, if you really want me to go, if that’s what’ll give you peace, then I’ll do it, but I meant what I said. I trust you.” Never. He’ll never want her to go, he’s sure of it. Well then, that only leaves one option.

“I know what we’re doing today.” It’s an abrupt segue, but it’s the only thing he could come up with on short notice.

“And what’s that?” The microwave dings, reminding him that he needs to stir the oatmeal, and he pushes past her.

“Sit down and have your tea. You’re going to need all your energy if I’m gonna show you how to use a gun.” If she’s staying, then at least he can teach her how to defend herself beyond the basics she already knows.

“So I guess this means you’re keeping me around for a little while longer?” It’s spoken like a joke, but he turns to her, meeting her eyes to drive the point home.

“Yeah, Doll. As long as you want me."

#marvel #captain america #the winter soldier #bucky fanfic #fanfiction #bucky barnes x ofc #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes #pre civil war

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thepeachgreentea · 4 years

Text

this got Real Long Real Quick...

I wanna know more about Luka's soul song gift - like how much do emotions or personality play into it? ((I’m going with a lot)) Does it only work in person?? Or can he get like snippets from videos or vibes from pictures? Like it would make sense if it was only in person...... But where's the fun I'm that? Realistically it wouldn't be as strong as in person but I could see him getting some stuff. Pictures it probably wouldn't be a lot, or even much of anything, unless the soul song really didn't match the picture...

Which means Luka is one of the first people to realize something is Up with Adrien (and the Agrestes in general)

The ads around the city never felt right, never matched up with the snippets/vibes he was able to get - unless Adrien was supposed to be sad or melancholy. Which is... yikes...

Then the Adrien The Fragrance commercial happens. And that's an additional big Fucking Yikes

Like I can only imagine that Adrien isn't particularly big on modelling in general from what we've seen (with the Marinette-exception) so the filming of that could have only been Worse than normal. How many times did it take to get the emotions at the ‘right’ level? How long did it take to get the angles and all the action done?

Anyway: after the first time Luka literally cannot stomach watching it or even listening to it because it is so Wrong. The soul song snippets from the video are longer and more intense and it is just so discordant that Luka can't deal

Adrien is most certainly NOT feeling carefree. Or radiant. Or remotely dreamy. He's goddamn exhausted, frustrated, resigned, depressed, sweaty, anxious, awkward, stressed. It is a whole stew of (teen) angst offset with that upbeat music and the bright blue sky & all that w h i t e and the jumping for joy

It is such a strong dichotomy Luka has a visceral reaction every time and has to either leave the room or mute it and look away,

All of that means that after he meets Adrien in person, and gets to hear his soul song in a couple different situations and can see his emotions matching internally and externally he basically tells him they will always have space for him on the Liberty. (Also the first time he saw the LB + CN movie and heard Adrien's voice acting he only picked up some nerves - easily attributed to a new situation rather than a secret identity - but he was clearly enjoying himself even if it was a terrible script)

Therefore, Luka doesn't have particularly good feelings towards Gabriel, even before seeing any videos of him.

Style Queen was a Time. He was happy for Adrien but the bits he was getting from Gabriel were so rigid and tight... And rather selfish to boot. Which was weird given the situation

He has to try very very hard to not sneer or snarl at the tablet he first "meets" him on - probably at a Kitty Section practice or concert or at some class + family event.

I can also v easily picture him meeting him in person and being super uncomfortable at the sheer amount of manipulation and self-aggrandizing, selfishness, etc that rolls off of Gabriel, basically choking out his soul song. Either Lula barely refrains from punching Gabriel and manages to shake his hand but then desperately needs to clean his hands. Orrrr he does punch him and then basically coats his hands in sanitizer (either way he is Nino’s absolute favorite person for this alone)

Also, this would not be the first time Luka has figured out an abusive situation. It has happened with both his own and Juleka's friends & classmates. He is v much a protective older brother at heart

And because I damn well can have some Lila salt, some of which has been touched on before, unlike with Gabriel:

He had heard about her from Juleka and Kitty Section and was a bit confused about it but it wasn't until Rose was over and the girls were telling him about some of Lila's stories that he saw a picture of her.

And that was The Strongest he had ever reacted to a picture before: instant chills up his spine and an actual hiss escaped him

All 3 of them are shocked. Luka then has to explain that reaction as best as he can. Which is hard when you aren't great at words and while the soul song fragments are rather clear he would never make his guitar suffer trying to recreate them.

He manages tho and Julerose are at least wary of her afterwards. They start observing her more and a lot of her behavior and the way she talks can be very off-putting. They start noticing some of the digs that she makes at others, that she contradicts herself 5 different ways, and how she is constantly bringing the attention back to herself.

During all this they start noticing how both Marinette and Adrien react to her and it is Not Good. Mari gets defensive and will often try to bring up those contradictions that they started noticing. But jealousy is only a minor factor, at most. In certain situations it is possible that it could be involved... except those only happen when Adrien is looking very uncomfortable and Marinette notices or they make eye contact and then Marinette creates an opportunity for him to escape

Which is something that no one else is noticing which is really terrible and unhealthy...

Around this time is when Ivan has started to figure out something is up. and then he definitely knows when Julerose show Luka a video at a private band practice.

Because video and in person interactions make the BadBadBAD feelings worse and Ivan, while he often struggles with understanding & expressing emotions, has definitely noticed Lila - even though she is not actually there - causes a lot of stress and anxiety to Luka and he has gotten really good at methods of lessening those.

So, Luka sees the video with/of Lila and has an even stronger reaction than the picture before. His eyes get huge, and his face pales (gets slightly sickly?), and he hisses even stronger than the first time

He refuses to try to play her soul song because something like that is nearly impossible to recreate but also doesn’t need to be put out into the world but does his best to try and describe it

Possible: her soul song feels like it is drowning in toxic sludge - there is just so much negativeness that it is barely intelligible. It is being smothered by self-satisfaction and importance, narcissism, aggressive manipulation, pettiness, vile maliciousness, etc

In person interactions are awful. Luka avoids physical interaction as much as possible. Even more than he would with Gabriel, and he wants as little to do with that man as possible, ideally none. But Lila is worse...

There have been multiple times that he has had to step out/away to be able to get some fresh air and breathe again. At least once where he has been or almost has been sick - usually following a hug that he did not consent to or something similar

Ivan is definitely in the fold now, and Julerose share what they have noticed from taking their step back. He realizes he has noticed a lot of those same things but he wasn’t analyzing them and didn’t have the same context for them at the time that Luka, Juleka, and Rose did. But afterwards he picks up on them more clearly, and some other things they hadn’t - benefits of being one of the quiet kids (and a lesser target of Lila’s focus). He is part of the driving force in bringing Marinette and Adrien in first before going to others.

Marinette breaks down because more people believe her?? and support her and Adrien? it is a huge relief of tension. And she didn’t even have to convince them herself!! what a concept... but it is definitely a safe space for her and she can share her own experiences and that certainly is nice

they had all suspected Something was Up but weren’t expecting that so there are lots of hugs and tears and support and mutters of payback

Adrien eventually cries because Kitty Section + Marinette give him a TedTalk about consent and personal autonomy. And now he has so many people (!!!) telling him he can say no and make his own choices, mistakes, and decisions. (Marinette’s part is largely “I told you so / do you believe us now?” because the Dupain-Chengs have probably already given this same talk as a family but that is just A family’s opinion, others probably think differently) And this is the first time he really truly believes it and... oooof there are a lot of emotions and interactions to unpack and reconsider

but now he knows he really needs to and that he can and should which is new, but so is having an actual support system...

Thus, Luka is ready to fight a bitch the first time he sees Lila and Adrien interacting. There is so much clinging and touching, and Adrien is panicking and no one is doing anything or is being waved off. And (unfortunately) this is one of the things that causes some people to start questioning things about Lila. Because most of them know of Luka as a really chill, laid-back guy who is open and accepting of people. and besides he has no reason to be jealous (((👀👀👀👀 too much to think about and unpack t h e r e))) so why would he be upset about Lila leaning on Adrien and holding his arm??

So, the questioning of Lila and what she says spreads out from Kitty Section and Adrinette to the rest of the class. They take a different approach. They slowly, carefully approach their classmates and take them aside when possible to talk about the situation

This allows them to be able to get their undivided attention and lay out what they have found out in a logical and cohesive manner, rather than attempting something rash or in the heat of the moment. Marinette grumbled about this method initially but when there were actual results and the burden was shared it was a huge relief for her.

In fact, others start coming to them about Lila.

because of the work of Kitty Section and Adrinette Lila’s audience has been steadily decreasing and it is getting easier to notice things. With a smaller audience the focus doesn’t get split as much and there are less questions for her to build off of or go on tangents from and the contradictions start standing out more, or she’s making more to try and keep them around her by holding their interest with different details

Plus, the comments about those outside Her Circle are getting meaner and more frequent. Usually they are still sneaky or underhanded but nowhere near as subtle as they were originally (were they ever, really?) and it is raising suspicions and hackles.

Eventually, Lila is left without an audience because the class has all been brought out of the cloud of manipulation and are working on trust and listening to each other more/better. and on how to not disregard other’s feelings (which is esp important with the high butterfly population in Paris, but is a v good life lesson in general). they are young and will make mistakes and will have to learn from them. but trials, growth, and change are all part of life so it is good for them.

But it essentially all stems from Luka and his ability to hear soul songs and reacting to those songs, or the lack thereof when they are being choked by evil intentions/emotions/actions/what have you

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vancilocs · 3 years

Note

Half and half with gilly and mallory aand lyssa and izkiel?

sorry i made pancakes

1. Who wakes up first?

If they don't wake up to the same alarm, I think Mallory by just a little bit

2. Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

Neither really? They can return for a bit of a cuddle after a morning jog and coffee or something though

3. Who takes longer getting ready?

Probably Mallory, redrawing her eyeliner for the 17th time

4. When they can’t sleep, what do they do?

Snuggle, read, chat a little

5. Who falls asleep while watching a movie?

If Gilly has had a long day at work

6. Who falls asleep last, watching the other with a small affectionate smile?

Mallory is typically out cold within five minutes of putting her head into the pillow, free game for Gilly

7. Who comes up with the cheesy pick-up lines?

Probably Mallory

8. Who gets extremely competitive playing Mario Kart?

While Gilly is more the mediator who's used to making sure younger siblings don't cause chaos, Mallory is that younger sibling causing chaos so she can get very into it

9. Who accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling?

Mallory wants to be chivalrous but in her haste doesn't check the label

10. Who sets the other’s ringtone to something loud and obnoxious behind their back?

Neither, das rude

11. Who rearranges the bookshelf/DVD shelf in alphabetical order?

Maybe Gilly

12. Who does the hands-over-the-eyes “Guess Who” thing?

Mallory, Gilly wouldn't risk doing it to someone who knows like 5 types of self-defense

13. Who points out a dog when they see one?

Both

14. Who’s prone to road rage?

Neither, though Mallory can cuss a bit

15. Who’s prone to wearing socks indoor (or to sleep)?

Gilly gets colder much easier than Mallory does

16. Who reminds the other to put on sunscreen before going to the beach (or pool)?

Gilly, woman you are half Irish you will die

17. Who carries all the important documents while traveling?

Both can

18. Who gets the window seat?

Whoever wants it this time

19. Who puts their cold hands/feet on the other?

Neither on purpose, but if the hands need to be warmed the other is ready

20. What do they argue about the most?

If they argue about anything, I guess it's work related. More than arguing with each other it's Mallory getting heated about smth and complaining to Gilly

21. Who’s clumsier?

Both are pretty stable on their feet

22. Who texts more often?

Mallory has lots of things to say

23. Who is better with kids?

Both are good, Mallory is more fun big sister kind while Gilly is the stricter big sister type

24. Who’s the better cook?

Mallory can make healthy and balanced meals, Gilly is good with spices, they're equally as good

25. Who mistakes salt for sugar?

If Mallory is in a big hurry, she might

-------------------

26. Who puts the fork in the microwave?

Izkiel if Lyssa doesn't notice in time

27. Who cooks at 2 in the morning?

Izkiel's schedules are all over the place, he will throw a pizza bagel in there at any hour

28. Who lets the microwave play the loud beeping sound at 1 a.m.?

Also Izkiel

29. Who licks the spoon when they’re baking brownies?

Both can, usually Lyssa lets Izkiel do it if he likes

30. Who likes doing the dishes?

Neither really.

31. Who has bigger cravings? What are they?

Lyssa sticks to her diet for her health, if Izkiel has a sweet tooth then him

32. Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

Both know what the other likes and what's good for them

33. How do they eat ice cream? What’s their favorite flavors?

Lyssa eats it sometimes, plain vanilla is best.

34. Do they go on dates? What are they like?

If they have time, sounds fun. Go out for dinner, go to a club for a moment, have some drinks but make sure to get home before Lyssa's energy runs out

35. What do they smell when they smell amortentia?

Deodorant/perfume, hand sanitizer mainly

36. Which one is the secret snuggler?

They're not secret about it, and nobody can blame Izkiel for liking snuggling Lyssa

37. Which one offers their jacket to the other when they complain they feel cold?

Lyssa, her evarian side endures cold much better so she can hand her jacket over if Izkiel complains

38. Who reaches for the other one’s hand while driving?

If anyone then Izkiel because Lyssa keeps both her hands on the wheel at all times

39. Who leaves little notes in the other one’s lunch? (Bonus: What does it say?)

Lyssa might, just small little ones like "have fun at work!" or "I love you!" with little smiley faces and kittens and hearts doodled.

40. Who is the most affectionate?

They're both sweet for each other, Lyssa might be a bit less awkward about it but they're both affectionate

41. Who is the big spoon/little spoon?

They switch

42. What is their favorite feature of their partner?

Jawline, chest, hands, eyes for Lyssa, cheeks, hair and hands for Izkiel, also her general roundness

43. What is the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

Lyssa just got a bit more shy and sweeter around him, asking more about his day and wanting to know more about him whenever he happened to show up at her clinic

44. What are their nicknames for each other?

General pet names, usually

45. Who worries the most? Over what?

Lyssa worries about Izkiel's wellbeing at his job, he worries about her health and how she's holding up

46. Who initiates kisses?

Could be either really

47. Who says I love you first? How did it happen?

It just came out from Lyssa when Izkiel was being a goof

48. Who tells their friends/family about their relationship first?

Lyssa's uncle Odin basically watched it develop since he also works at the clinic (and snitched to her parent immediately). They're pretty protective over her but she's also a grownup and Izkiel seems like an okay dude so... it's fine. Probably. Izkiel had to tell his folks separately, Kenzo noticed the development but he also kept forgetting about it

49. What do they do when they’re away from each other?

Their own thing, Lyssa is always busy at the clinic, at home she cleans and organizes, looks after her few plants. Izkiel tries to nurture a singular cactus and keep his living space somewhat clean when he's not at work

50. Who gets overwhelmed by small acts of kindness?

I think Izkiel might take some time to process Lyssa being sweet and cute at him

#the pancakes gave me a tummyache but i'm being brave abt it #long oc thing #don't let your boss see the cute little note your gf put in your lunch it would end badly

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realityhelixcreates · 3 years

Text

Lasabrjotr Chapter 76: Interlocking Horns

Chapters: 76/?

Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: pg

Relationships: Loki x Reader

Characters: Loki (Marvel),

Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), Culture Clash Imminent, Protective Dad

Summary: You and your father discuss your living situation, and you mull over your thoughts on Buridag.

Loki was agitated when he lay beside you that night. You'd spent most of the evening showing Tara and your father around to all the places you spent your time. The library, the training grounds, the courtyards, the banquet halls, the common rooms, and even the throne room, which was empty at the time. Over dinner, you told sanitized versions of your adventures; the battle with the Huldra and the Frost Giant, The magical illusion lessons, and the magic you were also capable of, how you had exploded a plate, and met the legendary Sleipnir, whom Tara demanded to see as soon as possible. You showed them your knife, and told them about your armor, and your glorious helmet.

Your father was not terribly impressed by the food. “Not enough seasonings.” he declared, and you told him about the time you'd pranked Loki by putting chili pepper in his meal. He got a good laugh out of your description of the composed prince turning purple, and trying to pretend to all onlookers that everything was just fine.

“Hope he didn't get mad at you.” Tara said.

“Nah. The thing about Loki is that he actually appreciates it when you get the best of him. He likes getting legitimately got. I get the feeling he had to deal with a lot of sycophants growing up, while at the same time being overshadowed in everything he did. Loki can sense lies, did you know that? He can just tell when you're lying. Imagine growing up surrounded by people who don't even like you, but will constantly lie to your face about it. And keep doing it even after they know you can tell they're lying. And they're still doing it! It's wild! Some of these aristocrats are stupidly bigoted, and they keep trying to fool Thor or Loki into making laws that exclude humans from things, but both of them have personal reasons not to do that, as well as political reasons. I mean, there's seven billion of us, we're not gonna be excluded from anything on this planet, and it's ludicrous to even try. But I guess they've been at this for so long, that they can't even think of doing things any differently.

That's part of where I come in. Loki says I represent an inevitability. That humans like us will come to be a part of Asgard, just like the Vanir and Alfar did before us. Some of these nobles want to put that off as long as possible, but I think Loki and Thor are right; better get that integration started early.”

“Then why is there only you?” your father pointed out, “Why not integrate more humans in a group? Why not those people in the weird lodges outside the city?”

“Couple reasons.” you said, “first off, I think they wanted to make sure humans and Asgardians could be culturally compatible. Like, that we could stand to live with one another.”

“Yeah, saw some of that cultural compatibility just a little while ago.” your father grumbled.

“We used to do stuff like that too, you know. And until recently, too. I think there's still some places that do dowries and such, just not us. But if you think about it, Asgardians live to be thousands of years old, and they used to visit Earth a lot. There was cultural exchange for sure. It's just that we change and evolve culturally at the speed of light compared to them. He really should have asked me about it though, I coulda told him it didn't work that way. He does love surprises, and he wants to preserve his culture, but we could have at least discussed it.”

“You discuss things with him? And he listens?”

“Sometimes. That's a part of my job too; advising, on human matters especially. That's why he should have asked, but I think he just really wanted to impress you.”

Your father rolled his eyes. You sighed. This was going to be difficult.

“Dad, this is so important. Doing this for me is unprecedented. I know it doesn't look like it, but we've been working hard, and dealing with some tough situations, but we've come through them all, and kept going. He's proud of me, I'm proud of me, and I am okay with my life here. I'm happy with it even. I miss you, and I know you miss me, but I like my work here.”

“You've almost died three times! In one year! Three times! Keeping you alive is the most basic possible thing, and he's almost failed three times!” he exclaimed.

“His only fault is not seeing the future, then!” You exclaimed back. “Who could predict that a crazy man would come all the way out here to try and assassinate literally anyone he saw? Who could expect that one of their own people would be so monumentally stupid as to hit me right in front of him? Why would anyone ever think that there were giants sleeping under our feet for a thousand years? How could anyone plan for any of that?”

“You're starting to talk like them, you know.” Tara pointed out. “You're picking up the accent. Your vocabulary's changed.”

“I've been studying a lot. I hadn't noticed the accent though. Is it very obvious?”

“Eh, it's no big deal. If you'd just moved here on your own, you'd probably sound kinda Icelandic anyway. I just think it's cute, you sounding like all these high-falutin', fancy alien folks.”

You wanted to thank her. For years and years, when you and your father had started arguing, she would brazenly interrupt with something completely off topic, and completely derail the dispute. Your father was as passionate an individual as you were, which was probably where you got it in the first place, but Tara had always known when to interject.

“The point is,” you said, much more calmly, “is that the world has gotten weird. And since I've been studying, I've been finding out that it was weird in the past too. We've just been coasting by on a short period of relative calm, but it's not going to last forever. In fact, it's over. There is an entire alien species living on Earth now. Nobody has to like them, but they are here. Loki can't demand forgiveness, and he's told me he's prepared to accept that there may be people who never accept him, no matter what he does. But he is doing things. He's doing good for his people; he knows how to do that. He's trying to do his best by me, and I'm helping him to know how to do that. I clearly need to communicate with him a bit more about that. He doesn't have to do any of this, but he chose to. From the beginning, he chose to do this. I mean, don't get me wrong, he sucked at it in the beginning; he had no idea what he was doing. He was kind of an overbearing creep, and when I got hurt the first time, I swear, he was inches away from locking me away in a closet somewhere so no one else could hurt me.”

Your father raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, he totally freaked out. I had to convince him that there was no way he could protect me from everything, but he sure wanted to. I wasn't gonna let that happen though. Maybe I can't leave, but I haven't let this place become a prison either.”

“Baby girl, I'm proud of you, don't ever think I'm not, but a father really never cares for a man who takes his daughter away.” your father said, “I don't think he deserves your defense. But you seem happy, and that's what I'm supposed to care most about right? I'm not gonna be his friend, but I'm not gonna cause trouble while I'm here, for your sake, and also because I gotta represent humanity, right? I love you, and I'm not trying to ride your case, I just don't like that guy. I'm not as forgiving as you are. But I'm not gonna get into a public fight with him or anything.”

“Thanks. And hey, I'm not gonna demand that you be friends with all my friends, I just have a really big day looming over me, and I'm already stressed. But, like, if you have any questions, now is probably the best time.”

“Oh, I got a few!” Tara said. “What actually is wrong with you?”

“Uh, loaded question.”

“No, no. I mean, yeah, but no. I mean, you said these guys were taking care of your medical problems, but you never actually said what they were. Have they figured out what's going on?”

“Ehhh, kinda. It's not exactly a medical problem. It's this.” You held out your hand, showing the mark. “You know how we couldn't figure out what caused this? It's magical in nature.”

“You told me you got drunk and got a tattoo!” your father accused.

“What was I supposed to say? I didn't know what had happened at the time! I didn't even know it was Loki I had grabbed, I didn't find that out until later. Tara saw: I took his hand to get his attention, and this shape burned into my palm. It did the same to him, I found out. It made us both sick. But when we're close together, we heal. Even when I got hurt, being close heals me faster. This is also what woke up my magic. It was always there, but this was what made it accessible. The whole thing is just magic. The only thing we don't really know is why it happened.”

“Magic. It's so weird.” your father said. “It just doesn't make any sense. What is magic? How do you do it?”

“It's a kind of energy manipulation. Like electricity or solar power, but it's less generalized. Like, some things are actual spells that always work the same way, but I haven't learned much of that yet. Gotta get my specific magic under control first. I'm getting pretty good at it. I do it by...well, it feels a certain way. So I concentrate on feeling like that...”

A bowl of apples disappeared from the end of the table, and reappeared in your hands. Both Tara and your father leaned away in surprise as you set the bowl back on the table.

“I move things from one place to another. I don't know the upper limit on size or distance yet. Maybe someday I will move mountains.”

“Does that scare you?” your father asked. “All this magic stuff?”

“Sometimes. It's so strange to think that it's me doing this, and not some woman in a book, or a movie. That it's really real. Even after everything that's happened over the past few years, it's still hard to really understand that all this is real. That every single person you've seen here is hundreds of years older than you, and was born light years away, in space, on a whole other world. That they have millions of years of history that I'm learning about. Some of these people remember a time before the language we are speaking even existed.”

“That's freaky.” Tara said.

“Don't I know it. But somehow, they manage to live in the moment in a way I find kinda enviable. They're looking to the future, but they aren't worried about it like I used to be. It's so liberating not to have to worry about that. About rent, or healthcare, or who's gonna take care of me when I get old, or if I'm even gonna get old. All of that has been lifted off of me, and I'm free to study and learn, and be something unique, and I actually really like it.”

“I'm glad for you.” Tara said. “So who's your tailor?”

You giggled. “I'm super fashionable, for someone a thousand years ago, aren't I? This isn't actually Asgardian fashion, exactly. It's more of a fusion. Isn't it fancy?”

“It's freakin' gorgeous. Is it some kind of uniform?”

“It didn't start out that way, but it sorta became that. The seamstresses hadn't visited Earth in like, a thousand years, so all the illustrations and memories they had were from then or before. So at first they thought that must be how I was supposed to be dressed, and then it just became my signature. It's really comfy, and pretty, and most importantly, it's warm. I mean, I know the place is called Iceland, but I was still surprised at how cold it gets. If you want, I bet I could get you some.”

Tara went to bed happy, and your father went to bed grumpy, but quiet. Then you went to bed, and Loki slunk under the thick blankets with you, holding you uneasily.

He got like this occasionally, cradling you as if he feared you would disappear in the night. It wasn't any real surprise, when you thought about some of the things he'd been through, the abandonment, the loss. You knew he wasn't, and would never be perfect, but you were still prepared to defend him to all comers. You weren't going to vanish from his arms, but you'd probably have to prove it every night. You could do that. You were more than willing to; there hadn't been another man in your life that had made you feel so safe and comfortable when sleeping, and you wanted to keep that feeling.

Tomorrow was the first day of Buridag festivities. Loki said it would start out with a parade that would lead to the site of the new courthouse. There would be traditional poetry and song, and everyone would perform the building task that had been assigned to them weeks ago. Then there would be the First Feast; a meal composed of worker's foods, prettied up for the nobles palettes. You'd seen the menu; it was grain salads and porridges, hearty soups and rustic breads with eggs, jams, young cheeses, winter vegetables, dried fruit, and herbs and spices in approximation with traditional Asgardian flavors. It was a reminder that, in Buri's day, Asgard's prosperity had not been assured, and many of the working class had to make do with rougher fare. Supposedly, the First Feast was meant to rebuke those who took workers for granted, and remind everyone whose hands had built their world.

Personally you thought that was a little patronizing, but you also didn't come from a monarchical culture. Perhaps this was something like an Asgardian Saturnalia, a festival of transformation. A celebration of something being built from nothing, Asgard being built by Asgardian hands.

And yours. Loki and Thor would be laying the foundations and blessing them with some of their more ephemeral power, the thing that awoke the primordial fear in you, made you instinctively cower and search for a tree to hide in when Loki became truly angry. The power that was beyond magic, that reached into the divine.

You, however, had been assigned a brick. It was a decorative brick, that would line a window, and it lay in a stack of other window-bricks at the site. Just one piece of a huge community project. You rather liked that. You knew for sure that the aristocracy did not engage with the common Asgardian nearly often enough before the tragedy of Ragnarok, but now both Loki and Thor went out among their people often, nobles and commoners mingled every day, and the community was becoming less and less divided. There were people who resisted that, of course. People who wanted to claw back every ounce of their perceived power, who tried to pass deliberately discriminatory legislation, people who simply hadn't yet come to accept that their lives had changed.

You were change. Loki was very approving about it. You represented the New, the Necessary Change, the Social Upheaval that led to a Bright Future. You couldn't help but wonder if that was too big for you to carry all by yourself. On the one hand, you weren't exactly alone; Loki was beside you all the way, Andsvarr, Saldis and the Valkyries supported you, even down to the twins. Saga, and even the strange Lofn approved of you.

On the other hand, your father was right; you were still the only human who actually lived here. The first and only human with Asgardian citizenship. A trial run, essentially alone, to see if you, as a stand-in for all humankind, could make it. It was heavy.

But you were doing it. In a little less than a year, you had learned a great deal of Asgardian history and law, had helped actual royalty with things like resource management and policy reform, learned knifework, learned actual magic! You had met several of Earth's greatest heroes, were going to be titled, were becoming a liaison between Asgard and the human settlements growing next door. You had learned some Asgardian, become a prince's lover, and even learned how to play a drum. You yourself were becoming something new. Embodying the Necessary Change.

And maybe that was what you had needed in the first place. For so long, it seemed like you had been trying to let go of an old self, let go of everything you'd gone through. Shed your old skin and emerge, clean and soft into the light of a new day. And so you were. You just hadn't realized that once you started, it would happen again and again, skin after skin, quivering and raw. But you felt new. Despite the pressure, you felt new.

#lasabrjotr #loki (marvel)#loki x reader

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mrmallard · 3 years

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18 and 33

18: rant about your favorite musician

So I was bullied pretty badly as a kid at school and at home, and there was a period of time where I was drowning in a sea of age-appropriate content that felt extremely condescending and fake - it wouldn't ever engage with the idea of being sad or depressed in a serious and nuanced manner outside of the token "you're sad now but things aren't so bad!" message. Most adult media I had access to at the time, mostly shitty early-00's action movies airing on TV, was very vapid and about as thematically hollow as the age appropriate stuff. Nothing really represented me and made me feel heard, nothing validated what I was going through and the negativity I was feeling towards others and myself.

As a 12 year old, I found the media which finally validated the depression, hurt and general violent negativity that existed within me due to all of my negative experiences.

And that media...

was End of Evangelion, an anime movie in which the apocalypse happens in an immeasurably bizarre and fucked up way, where there's a bunch of overt giant robot violence but also very alarming and grounded person-to-person violence, and where the ending is unendingly bleak.

I then found the Mountain Goats through a show called Moral Orel when I was 16, and I lamented the fact that I hadn't found them before I found one of the bleakest anime movies of all time to cope with what I was going through. Because my Evangelion fandom ultimately did me a lot of harm - and while I was a stupid kid at times in how I engaged with the Mountain Goats (sending John stupid asks on Tumblr like a fucking asshole), there was a much more resonant catharsis that came with the music I heard, and it facilitated healing over time rather than escapism and outright nihilism.

I feel like had I found them earlier, I could have negated some of the harm I did to myself - like Tallahassee came out when I was 6, and I was pirating music all the time on LimeWire from 13 onwards. There's a hypothetical past where my music piracy led me to find the Mountain Goats way earlier than I eventually did, and it would have changed my life forever.

The Mountain Goats laid out a template for how I found all of my other favorite bands. There was the initial hook - the prerequisite "No Children" and "Old College Try" from Moral Orel - followed by immense overplay, followed by branching out into their other music. Once the connection has been made to a strong base of starter songs, I then get interested in listening to full albums, which is where I find the second wave of songs to latch on to after the first wave gets overplayed. Rinse and repeat until I've exposed myself to all of their music. TMG was the first band to facilitate this process, and I've done the same thing to every "core" musical act I've listened to since.

What I like about the Mountain Goats is that they're not afraid to broach difficult subjects? The Sunset Tree is a masterpiece in this regard, there's a level of vulnerability on that album that you don't get from most other artists - the closest equivalent I can think of is A Crow Looked At Me by Mt. Eerie, about the singer's wife dying of cancer.

There was a part of me that used to approach The Sunset Tree with a lurid voyeurism, a desire to validate my own pain by engaging with the pain that the album puts out there - but now when I hear songs like Hast Thou Considered The Tetrapod, I'm capable of seeing a broader picture and having more than just the desire to be validated by listening to another person's trauma. I would consume media like this to feed an unending hunger, but now I take it in bite sized portions and stay mindful of what it represents outside of my own experience.

One thing I want to talk about is John's early work, because when I started listening to the band I couldn't stand the lo-fi stuff. The whirring sound gave me a headache. But over time I've built up a strong base of his earlier material, even stuff he considers an old shame, that I absolutely adore.

The first "going to" song, to my understanding, is Going to Chino. And if you haven't heard Going to Chino, I recommend it - it's silly, it's overwrought and it's passionate. You'll never hear a more earnest commendation of a town's access to the 60 freeway in any other songs on earth. There's also Minnesota, which to this day might be John Darnielle's most romantic song. He acknowledges that he's a different person than when he started making music and he prefers to move forward as opposed to living in the past, but there's a lot of power in songs like No, I Can't or Yoga, regardless of how far removed he becomes from the self that made them.

My favorite song might be From TG&Y, because it hits on a very personal note - engaging in self-destructive behaviour to cope with a town that's sucking all of the life and goodness out of you. I've only ever drank to excess, but there's something very relatable about feeling how run down you are after a bender, having this awful manky taste in your mouth the whole time as you shift from place to place, and having this impulse of needing to run away and start a new life before this way of living kills you.

There's a lot of myself wrapped up in the Mountain Goats, and whether they're the primary band on my radar at any given moment or not, I can always spare a few words about how they make me feel.

33: what do you think about a lot

I think a lot about queer people in the past and how they've able to live their lives. I'll give you three examples.

Lately, I've had this pet idea about the anime/manga series Ranma 1/2. I haven't seen or read it, but I do know that it's about this young guy named Ranma who is afflicted with a curse or the like that results in him changing gender depending on the temperature of the water that gets dumped on him.

Ranma 1/2, from what I've gleaned, has resulted in a few gender awakenings - if I'm not mistaken, I think Dan Shive was one of those people, who went on to create the webcomic El Goonish Shive which deals with gender in a similar way at the start before taking more of a serious turn as the comic goes on.

But I have this idea in my head about early Ranma 1/2 fans writing stories about Ranma coming to terms with being a woman, and deciding to find a way to break the curse in a way that would leave the character as a woman. I wonder if there's anyone who tapped into their transness back then through their Ranma fandom, and whose journey is documented in their work.

It's like, there's people back then who Get It. Who came into their own in a time where the concept of gender transition was less accepted than it was now. And that's my people - geeky fanfiction writers. I want to know that there are people who found an innate truth to them, and who were able to be happy.

Another example I want to talk about is Robert Reed, who played Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch. I care deeply for Robert Reed. From what information is the most easily accessible about the man, he was apparently a pretty angry guy at times - he wasn't proud of his role on the Brady Bunch, and he'd get into arguments with the producer of the show. He was a closeted gay man playing the most sanitized TV dad in America, and if that news ever came out, it would sink his career and the entire show along with it.

But he was a good man. Notably, the producer of the Brady Bunch would tolerate his outbursts because his instincts would usually turn out to be right. And while he was upset with the material, he was never abusive to his co-stars. A bunch of them speak fondly about him to this day - he'd take the kids on day trips and stuff, and became something of a mentor and father figure to them. You don't hear wholesome stories like that from the 70's any more, but by all accounts Robert Reed seems to have been a decent man.

Robert died of colon cancer, but at the time of his death he had HIV as well. He was an incredibly private person - the only reason we know that he's gay is because he called Florence Henderson a week before he died to let her know and to get her to tell the rest of the cast. Apparently he kept in touch with her for years, and he saw fit to let everyone know before he died.

My understanding is that he had a partner at the time, though I'm not 100% sure. I hope Robert Reed had love throughout his life, y'know. I hope he had people who he loved and was loved by in return. I'm sad that he lived his whole life in the closet, and I hope he was able to find comfort and fulfillment in the relationships he did have in his life.

The last example I want to talk about is David Hyde Pierce - Niles from Frasier and the professor from Treasure Planet. I learned a while back that he had come out as gay in the late 2000's, getting married before Proposition 13 went into effect in California. I saw a topic about him on GameFAQs recently and I wanted to bring up that he was gay and married, but it had been a while so I googled him again to get my facts straight.

Not only is David Hyde Pierce still married, he's been in a relationship with his husband since 1983.

It means so much to me because people break up all the time in Hollywood. Whether it be the stress of the outside world gawking at them all the time, or the vice and excess of the entertainment industry corrupting people over time, or just falling out of love ala Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman - relationships in Hollywood don't last. And you don't hear much about gay celebrities and their love lives unless it becomes a point of controversy, ala Elton John's adoption issues or George Michael getting outed.

But the entire time David Hyde Pierce was on Frasier and doing voiceover - for all intents and purposes, at the top of his career - he was in a relationship with a man he'd already loved for a decade beforehand. And they continued to be together until gay marriage became legal, at which point they married each other, and they're still married to this day.

I'm really happy that they've been able to go the distance. May we all have what they have one day.

#long post

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