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aetheternity · 3 years

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Sight, smell, touch, taste, sound and which one I believe would draw the Aot girls to you. Kinda Modern Au 🤷‍♀️ idk you be the judge.

(Pov: none of you asked for this but I got bored and decided to give it to you anyway.)

Mikasa

~Touch

The first time you touched her it was to pat her shoulder and tell her, "good luck" on a mission and she's been riding that high til the day she finally had you.

She was already so infatuated by you to the point that every bit of your touch became a daily necessity.

Locking you into her tight hugs late at night.

Pulling your lips back into hers whenever you try to escape.

She'll give you tiny kisses spread all over your face as soon as you wake up. And she's a huge fan of eskimo kisses. You might even trigger a little giggle from her when you initiate them.

She wants to rest her head on your chest and fall asleep to your heartbeat.

She's got your fingers perfectly knotted with hers in every situation.

Tangles your legs when the two of you are resting on the couch.

"I have to get up sometime Mikasa." Not today you don't.

Her favorite spot to scratch is your lower back. She softly circles her nails over that bit of skin after hiking your shirt up.

Please let her spend the day with you in her lap it's the perfect amount of intimate for her.

Annie

~Touch/Sound

One day you came to her with concern filling your eyes and hugged her even though you never had before. You simply told her, "I feel like something's wrong but I won't pry. Just know I'll be waiting for you to come back to me." So softly in her ear and despite her push back at first her feelings for you grew stronger everyday.

She grew to adore the smallest things about you.

The sounds of your low morning yawns before you kiss her face.

The warmth of your knee resting between her thighs

Loves when you whine her name. It sends heat flowing through her entire body. "What do you want?" (She'll pretend she hates it tho.)

Whenever you two are alone she has her head firmly placed on your chest, falling asleep to your heartbeat. Just like Mikasa (No you do not have to pee lay back down)

Loves when you card your fingers through her untied hair. (Sometimes you make her hum when you scratch the back of her head just right.)

She's gotta have your hands when you two are cuddling. Holding you like she's scared you're not really there.

Whisper in her ear and she just might shiver for you.

Laugh when she's sarcastic and watch the pretty pink color dust over her cheeks.

Tells you she loves you under her breath and melts when you say it back after kissing her cheek or neck.

Sasha

~(Sweet angel 🥺) Touch/taste

She held your hand like she'd always done with you and asked what you'd want your last meal in the world to be. Fucking around you said, "You." And the girl practically burst into flame. Meanwhile Connie at the opposite end of the table is mocking y'all talking about some, "Get a room already!" And then you did 😏

Oh, you just had some candy? She's biting your lips and sucking on your tongue.

Oh, your shampoo/body wash smells like banana, coconut, strawberries etc? She's got her face in your neck giving you little kisses. (Sometimes she'll give you a little kitten lick but it's fine cause you love it 😃).

She likes mutual feeding (ik that sounds weird idk how else to put it.) Like if you guys are eating popcorn together while watching a movie, she likes when you place the popcorn in her mouth and she does the same for you.

Licks the butter off your fingers when the popcorns gone.

When you stretch your arms next to her and then proceed to wrap them around her neck or waist she's in heaven.

Adores the feeling of your fingers splayed over her stomach right after she finished eating and the way you tease her by stroking her inner thigh.

Randomly jumps in the shower with you so that she can run her hands up and down every inch of your skin.

Sometimes she wakes you with a bunch of forehead kisses.

"Five more minutes please.." You beg

If you wake up before her though she'd love to be wrapped in your arms as she eats breakfast.

Hitch

~Sight (y'all already know my baby's a lil shallow)

It was like a movie scene. She saw you across the room during a small party for the anniversary of the military police first debut and she just had to have you. And bug you.. she stayed by your side as often as possible after that.

She'll laugh so that her compliments on your body sound less genuine but she means it every time.

And when you're not looking she's got her lip between her teeth, eyes working up and down your body.

"I wanna see you in this honestly." She'll say late at night handing you a picture and covering her face as you look at it.

"Reminds me of your pink dress?"

"Yeah! Yes.. that's the point we'll match."

Doesn't matter how long you've been dating. She'll always build a little tension before every kiss by looking directly at your lips then back into your eyes with a little smirk.

Whistles when you wear an outfit she recommended.

She never straight up says it but her favorite part of your body is the part you like the least.

Backwards ass compliments.

"You know orange isn't normally your color but today you made it work." And "You seem really confident despite wearing those pants."

Don't worry it's how she shows affection.

Makes you blush as often as possible because she just can't get enough of how gorgeous you are when you do.

Pieck

~Sight/taste

From the second she saw you she knew she had to get you out of your little bubble. You'd both done the warrior training as kids and you always kept to yourself. She thought a person like you looked like you had a lot of secrets. And she was gonna learn as many as possible. The older you guys got the more attractive you became to each other and you kinda fell back into the nervousness she thought she'd driven out of you. Eventually she got you to accidentally blurt a confession. Next thing you knew her tongue was pulling all conscious thought out of you.

Idk Pieck gives me the vibes that she'd always be looking for a way to stick her tongue down your throat?? (Just me?? Alright..)

She'll twirl you around with a hand around your waist. Unabashedly checking you out.

Loves long sweet kisses while she rests between your legs.

Will never stop smiling at you when you exit the shower in only a towel.

Brushes her lips over your stomach to wake you.

She's so enamored by the twinkle in your eye when you talk with the younger generation of warriors.

Playfully suggests you just walk around the house completely naked so she can really appreciate your body.

Her heart one hundred percent drops when she sees you sad for even a second.

Let her kiss you wherever she wants! It's a lot easier than arguing with her!

And she will try in some weird places. (She gives me body worshipper vibes.)

Yelena

~Sound

She heard about you due to rumors about your incredible fighting style. But what made her seek you out was the knowledge that you were next in line to become a titan shifter. It was hard to tell if her affection was due to interest in you as a person or your incredible fighting style but one day she asked you to live with her in the new world. Of course you said yes.

She loves the sound of you singing. (If you can sing) Sometimes she actively seeks you out and asks for you to sing to her.

Your war cries make her back arch (shh I didn't say that).

The second you guys started dating she developed a sixth sense of some sort where she just shows up if you're crying or if your day has been going terrible.

She just adores the sound of your voice and she can't get enough of it.

I could see her dragging you off some place where the two of you can just talk.

Within less than a week of dating you she's already got ways to get any noise she wants out of you.

Graze their neck with the tip of your nose for giggles and kiss the tips of their ears for I love you's.

That sort of thing.

Whenever you make a noise she hasn't heard before she's dying to force you to make it again.

Idk what it's called but I feel like Yelena has that thing where noises are attributed to colors in her brain. And at some point she explains all the colors she sees whenever you make certain noises.

Hange

~Sight/touch

Moblit had to take a.. short vacation after one of Hange's lab disasters nearly crippled him.. so Erwin had asked you to fill in and you said yes. It was only for a couple weeks and during that time Hange stuck to you like glue. Throwing an arm over your shoulder, stealing little glances and laughing loudly when you'd catch her. It felt like normal Hange stuff. But on the last night before Moblit's return, Hange was weirdly not.. Hange.. being quiet, filling in data and barely making eye contact. You asked if you'd done something wrong but Hange barely said anything back. Before you left she was nose deep in paperwork. You said your goodbyes and you were about to leave when Hange asked if you'd be willing to go on a date. When you looked back she hadn't even looked up but you smiled and nodded with a little yes and the rest was history.

It's a no brainer that you spent all your free time in Hange's lab to be Hange's other support system other than Moblit.

And when Moblit died, Hange's entire support system.

Her touch lingering on your lower back as you lean over to check her notes.

Completely enamored with the glint in your eye whenever the two of you come up with a sort of breakthrough.

Deadass pulls you into her lap at the most random times.

Oh hey the meeting finally finished? Yanks your frame right into her lap and laughs at the eye rolling of fellow colleagues.

Hange will say sorry but that blush on your face was so worth it and she's so glad she did it.

Rubs your back as you sleep on the work piled on your side of the desk.

Probably accidentally wakes you up a couple minutes after you fell asleep though.

Hange once sat you on her lap after a meeting right before Erwin tried to hand her some papers over the table. Without thinking she stood up to grab them and your face slammed into the table while her hips were pressed against your ass. Immediately getting everyone's attention. Safe to say you no longer sit next to Hange at meetings. (I had to add this even though it's a little off topic and random.)

Historia

~Smell (First one here.)

She had to share a room with you until she became queen. And almost every night she'd have some kind of nightmare about Ymir. You didn't mean to make a move but one night she crawled into your bed like she always had and you wrapped your arms around her shivering form like you always did. She had her nose trapped in your nape and you pressed a kiss to her forehead hoping it would stop her harsh breathing. And it did. She froze, the world froze, everything froze. You had leaned back to apologize for overstepping her boundaries and she kissed you back.

She'd gotten so comfortable with your scent that not only did it constantly lull her to sleep but always gave her a sense of security.

You're her security blanket. I don't make the rules.

Speaking of blankets. You gave her yours when she moved into the castle.

Whenever she gets even an hour alone she's trying to get you in the castle so she can sit in your lap and bury her nose in your nape like she always has.

She also steals your shirts and hoodies as often as possible until they smell like her then you have to take them back and cover them with your stink again.

Spending early mornings in the castle after washing your hair and her telling you over and over that she missed your smell.

It's legit like having a long distance relationship while being in the same place.

And she doesn't let you go until the last second before you both have to go back to work.

If you guys have time and you shop together she'll keep the candles that you believed smelled the best in her room.

All in all give Historia your shirts to wear cause she loves them/they look great on her.

Ymir

~Sight/touch

You're probably either super sweet like Krista or really sarcastic like her and that's what draws her to look more in depth into you. When she finally gets a chance to actually look at you fully without the odm gear she finds herself fixated, tracing your figure with her eyes. You guys finally become friends, who mutually enjoy bullying Reiner. But she finds that she hates it. Thinks you're teasing her every time you brush her fingertips without actually holding her dammed hand. One day she just reaches out and grabs you properly and doesn't let go. Yeah, you're dating now.

What can I say except, she likes running a finger over the lines on your palm.

She's always grabbing you out of nowhere but you don't mind. You just let her hold you.

"You look extra beautiful today, bet you'll look even better when I put a ring on your finger."

Puts her hands under your shirt with no fucking shame.

Stares at you and yells at the first person that mocks her. Reiner/Connie

Can and will find a way to smack your ass the second she gets you alone.

Trails little butterfly kisses over your shoulders when you're trying to get dressed in the morning.

Literally everything you do is weirdly skillful to her.

Like you're peeling a potato and she's like, "You're so amazing at that.."

Let her lean on you for absolutely no reason she loves it. 🤷‍♀️

(I realized after writing this that Annie and Armin have the same one even tho I don't ship them at all 😕)

#aot x reader #attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #snk x reader #aot imagines #mikasa x reader #annie leonhardt x reader #sasha x reader #hitch x reader #hange x reader #pieck x reader #yelena x reader #historia x reader #ymir x reader #cal writes

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shyficwriter · 3 years

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I've Got You

Guardians of the Galaxy Fanfic | Reader x Guardians (Yondu is alive)

Summary: After you never let anyone else listen to your music Rocket and the guys decide they want to see what potentially embarrassing songs you have on your music player, but find something else entirely.

Author's Note: ANGST! This story does NOT have a happy ending, or an ending at all really. It may be funny at the start but it's all angst at the end and it'll make you cry. Proceed with caution. This isn't even a joke- it gets heavy. I was going through some stuff... If you think this might trigger anything for you at all, skip this one.

Content Warning: Mentions of suicide/depression.

Word Count: 2,508

You didn't mind sharing with the rest of the gang. You really didn't. You'd share your clothes with Mantis, your food with Groot, and your books with Drax. There was very little you didn't share, except for one thing, and that was your music player.

Anytime someone would occasionally ask to borrow it you would always make up an excuse, usually: "Nah, you wouldn't like my music." and that was usually that for a little while. But, of course, eventually someone would ask again and you'd have to make the same excuses over again. Once you even told Peter it was all accordion music so he'd stop asking to compare playlists. That worked for a bit, until a week later you forgot you had told him that and said how much you hated accordion music when the topic of Polka was brought up. Oops. Well, there went that excuse.

One day was different, however.

You were walking in Peter's ship, minding your own business with your headphones in when Rocket motioned to you. He was sitting at a table with Groot. You paused your player and removed one of your earbuds. "What's up?"

"Groot was trying to ask if he could listen with you. but of course you had your volume up like always."

"You're going to damage your hearing if you keep that up," said Gamora, sitting on the other side of the room with Drax.

You ignored her, turning your attention back to Rocket. "Oh. I don't think that's a good idea.." you said with a wince, feeling bad for having to tell the little guy 'no.' Other than Mantis, he was the one you always felt the most guilty saying 'no' to. Those puppy-dog eyes were killer.

Rocket eyed you suspiciously. "Why? Quill lets him do it all the time?"

He was right. Peter did let little Groot listen to music with him quite often. But you weren't Peter.

Peter startled you when he came up from behind you with Yondu, saying, "Yeah, you're weirdly possessive of that thing. It won't hurt to let him have a listen."

'It might.' you thought. "He might be better off listening to your music, we already know he likes that."

"What's wrong with yers?" Yondu asked, who agreed with Peter about the weirdly possessive thing. You barely ever let that thing out of your sight.

You tried to think of something, "It's uh, not really appropriate..."

Yondu chuckled, "Are ya trying to say ya have dirty songs on that player of yers?"

You blushed. That's not exactly where you were going with that, but if it works... "I'd just say my music isn't exactly, uh.. kid friendly."

Your blush only made it more convincing that this whole time you had been hiding embarrassing music on your device. Rocket raised an eyebrow in amusement and Peter laughed too. "There's no way I'm gonna believe you have dirty songs on there. Let me see." he said, moving to reach for your music player.

You quickly put it in your pocket. "Nope! Bye." you said, turning on your heels and making your way to leave the ship, glad you were docked on a planet as it gave you an escape. "Gonna go head out for a walk, be back soon!"

Peter looked slightly disappointed, but let you go.

Once you were gone Rocket spoke up. "You know, I think I know a way how we can sneak a listen to what she's got that's so secret on there," he said, smirking. "Ya know, if you want..."

Yondu and Peter shared a glance before looking over at Gamora, sure she'd reject the idea in favor of your privacy. Surprisingly, she nodded in agreement.

"I have to admit, now I'm curious too." Gamora said with an almost embarrassed shrug.

And with that it was settled. Rocket told them his plan.

***

The next day when you went to retrieve your music player from your nightstand drawer, it was there as expected. However, when you went to power it on nothing happened.

You groaned, walking out into the common area to look for Peter. Once you found him you asked if he had any spare batteries, only to be disappointed when he didn't.

"Although," Peter said, "If you're gonna walk down to the store to get some I'll transfer you some units to bring back a case of soda."

You agreed to bring him back some soda, but told him not to worry about the units as you headed out the door, having been convinced to take little Groot with you last minute. You never could resist those little eyes of his.

The team waited a few moments to make sure you weren't coming back for anything before telling Rocket to make his hasty trip to go get your music player from your room.

Your batteries hadn't died, Rocket had just quietly replaced them with dead ones while you were sleeping. He switched them back once he got back to where the rest of the team had gathered around the table.

Rocket grinned, thinking he was about to hit the jackpot on embarrassing secrets from you. "What do ya think it is?" he asked, handing the player to Peter. "I bet it's boy-bands."

Peter powered on the player and snickered. "What if it's that Justin Bieber guy that was always on the radio when we went to Terra?"

"Oh, he was awful. I would also be embarrassed to be caught willfully listening to his music." Drax said.

"I dunno, I still kinda think she's got dirty songs on there," Yondu laughed. "Ya saw how she blushed."

Peter rolled his eyes and began scrolling through your playlists. He raised an eyebrow. "I hardly recognize any of these songs." he said. "The only ones I recognize are ones I've already got on mine."

"Let me see," offered Kraglin. "I know more Xandarian songs, maybe they're some of those?" He scrolled for a bit before as Peter got up to grab something from a trunk behind him.

Peter sat back down and Kraglin handed the player back, shaking his head. "I don't recognize them either. Maybe they're Terran?"

"We'll see." Peter said, plopping the device he got from the trunk on the table and plugging it into the player. It was a speaker. "Here, now we can all hear it. Which one should I try first?"

"What's in her 'Recent's' list?" Gamora asked.

"First one says "Stay Alive," Peter says, "Oh! I actually think I know that one. My grandad used to listen to it, it's so old!" he laughed. "I didn't expect her to be into disco music though..." Peter hit play and as the lyrics came out he realized he was mistaken. "Oh... that's... That's not the song I thought it was at all..." he said in surprised concern.

♫♩"... Stay alive, stay alive For better days to come around.

When nothing is right in your head And all of your tears are shed I know how it seems, you're in this too deep But take it from me, it's not the end..." ♫♩

"Um..." Peter swiped to play a new, hopefully less depressing, song.

♫♩"Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place?" ♫♩

Nope. Peter swiped again.

♫♩"All day starin' at the ceilin' makin' Friends with shadows on my wall All night hearing voices tellin' me That I should get some sleep Because tomorrow might be good for somethin' Hold on, feelin' like I'm headed for a breakdown And I don't know why" ♫♩

Peter furrowed his brow. The others shared concerned glances, but didn't say anything. He swiped again.

♫♩"It's caving in around me What I thought was solid ground I tried to look the other way But I couldn't turn around" ♫♩

*Swipe*

♫♩"Hello darkness my old friend..." ♫♩

Peter could already tell it was another depressing song, he backed out of the screen into the list of recently played songs seeing titles like: "Nightmare," and "I'm not okay (I promise)," and unfortunately more bluntly: "Don't try Suicide." They listened to a few more songs, and they were all depressing. You did have happier songs on your music player, but your "Recents" list was full of much more depressing songs, as if that's all you had listened to for a long time.

Nobody was smiling anymore, Rocket looked like he was sorry he came up with this idea. Even Drax clearly understood that they hadn't discovered anything good.

Yondu's expression was hard, "Well, I don't like this at all."

"I think we made a mistake." Mantis said, concern painting her features.

"But... she always seems so... ok?" Rocket said, his ears lowered. You were his friend. His prank buddy. He had no idea. "Do you really think...she, you know...?"

"I don't know? I mean, do you think she'd really not say anything if she was hurting this much? Wouldn't Mantis at least have picked up on it?" Peter asked. He looked over at Mantis expectantly.

"I can only feel other's emotions if I touch them," she started, "and... she's never actually let me touch her."

"What should we do?" asked Gamora.

***

You walked in a few minutes later to just catch the last bit of Peter saying something about having a talk with you.

"Have a talk with me about what?" you asked.

It was clear you had startled them, Gamora having spun to face you upon hearing you speak up, and she almost never got startled.

You chuckled, walking nearer the table to place your grocery sack on it. Groot hopped off your shoulder to run across the table to Rocket. "Oh gosh, I didn't mean to scare you guys! I got the soda you asked for- ...what's that?" Your demeanor changed from almost cheery to nervous, the blood draining from your face when you saw what was very clearly your music player plugged into a speaker. Your eyes shot to Peter, the one closest to your device. "Peter? What the fuck?"

"It was Rocket's idea!" Peter exclaimed, his guilt having managed to trip his self-preservation switch.

Rocket didn't even try to deny it. He looked at the ground, "I thought it'd be funny..." he muttered. Groot looked at him in confusion. His friend usually never looked sorry for anything.

You snatch your player from the table. It was currently off, leading you to believe there might have been a chance they didn't listen yet. "Boundaries!" you scold, putting the player in your pocket. "Seriously uncool!"

You went to turn around but you bumped into Yondu who had walked around the table while you were scolding Peter.

"Sit." he said, his face stony.

You look up at him in surprise before Gamora spoke up. "We... listened to the songs you had on your player... We just want to talk."

You just stare at her for a moment. "Seriously guys, what the fuck?!" you say, your tone exasperated and your eyebrows knitted together. "You know what? No. I don't want to talk. I'm going back out."

Yondu grabbed your arm as you tried to push past him. "No. Yer gonna sit." with that he walked you to the nearest open chair and made you sit. His tone wasn't angry, but it was firm.

You felt knots tying in your stomach. Gamora spoke again.

"Look, we're sorry we took your music player without asking, but now that we have, we're concerned."

You pinch the bridge of your nose. No. No no no. "I literally told you guys so many times-"

"I know," Peter said, "but please... Just- we need to know if you're ok."

"Of course I'm ok!" you lied. "Why would I not be ok?!"

"Cut the crap." Kraglin said. His tone didn't seem angry either, it almost seemed sad. "I seriously doubt you'd be listening to all that depressing stuff if you were actually ok."

You attempt to stand again, saying, "Look just screw off-" before you were silenced by Yondu firmly pushing down on your shoulder to stop you.

"Look, we care about ya, ya lil' shit, and we ain't about to just let ya keep suffering if yer hurtin."

That tore something in you.

"Please- guys." You clenched your jaw and looked at the floor. No. Fuck. Not right now. "Just-" You inhaled sharply. Dammit. You were not about to start crying right now. You screwed your eyes shut, before covering your face when you realized that wasn't going to stop the tears and not wanting them to see. "Fuck!"

It all flooded you. All the hurt. All the pain. The hopelessness. The humiliation of the current situation. The guilt of your friends worrying about you. The numbness shattering as white hot pain tore through your soul. You felt what you thought was Gamora putting a comforting hand on your shoulder and you tried to hold back a sob as every bad thought you had about yourself came flooding in. You started to shake, feeling shame as memories of thoughts about ending it all leaked out your eyes. How many nights you had stood in front of the airlock weighing whether that night would finally be the night you pushed that button.

From behind you you heard a strangled cry. A cry of pure anguish. It was only then you realized the hand on your shoulder couldn't have been Gamora's. It had come from behind you. She had been standing in front of you. You quickly jerk forward and turn around in your seat, wrenching yourself from Mantis's hand- but it was too late.

Mantis nearly doubled over, hands clawed into her chest as a sob lodged itself in her lungs. She had only wanted to make you feel better. She wasn't expecting the torrent to flood into her so forcefully, hadn't realized this wasn't something she could just make go away with her abilities. She had felt everything.

The others looked at her with wide, startled eyes. Drax pulled her in and held her, not really knowing what to do but trying to make the hurt go away. Poor little Groot didn't understand what was happening, and Rocket held him so he couldn't see. Peter and Gamora shared an alarmed glance.

You were speechless. You could only stare in horror witnessing what you- or rather your pain- had done to her. "Mantis-" was all you could manage, not knowing what else to say. You barely noticed your tears now started flowing freely down your cheeks. You stood up to run away, but just like every other time you had tried, Yondu stopped you. Only this time he pulled you tightly to his chest, his hand cradling the back of your head as if you were a newborn.

"Girl, why didn't you tell us?" you heard him say softly.

You allowed yourself to be held, not realizing until that very moment just how badly you had needed to be. Fresh sobs broke from you and you buried your face into his chest when he said, "Shh now, little girl, I've got you."

#gotg #gotg fanfiction #angst #content warning #yondu x reader #yondu udonta #peter quill #x reader #gamora #guardians of the galaxy #drax the destroyer #mantis #rocket raccoon #groot #kraglin #music

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realcube · 3 years

Note

Hey!! I hope you’re having a wonderful day so far, I know you just got done with an iida fic and are probably tired of writing for our speedy boi, but if possible could I request iida finding out his s/o doesn’t want to have children + comfort for not wanting to be a parent? I have severe tokophobia and most of the fics I’ve seen portray him being very child centered, it’s completely okay if you’re uncomfortable writing that or are tired of writing for him though, thank you in advance!! 🧡💛🧡

(a/n) ➵ now that i think abt it, you’re quite right :o fics usually portray him to be very interested in having kids bc he’s shown to be family orientated so i have no issue with writing something like this. also i don’t think i’ll get tired of writing him for a while since he kinda reminds me of myself when i was fifteen (and i say that as if it was centuries ago lmao)

trigger warnings ➵ mentions of pregnancy, aged up! iida (all sfw tho), mentions of childbirth, f!reader &angst to comfort

if only you had said some earlier, you sighed, if you had just been honest, you probably wouldn’t be paralysed in fear at the end of your bed right now

both of you had the day off today but tenya was out running errands. one of the items on his itinerary was to go to the supermarket and buy bread and vegetables, that’s all the business he had in regards to shopping. so the last thing you expected was to open your phone to reveal a new message for your husband; a picture of a navy baby romper with ‘fast’ printed on the front which looked like it had been taken in the infant clothing isle of the shop. along with a caption that made you shudder, ‘perhaps? for ours?’

honestly, you wanted more than anything than to reply with a solid ‘no.’ but you felt like you owed him an explanation so instead you hesitantly typed out, ‘we’ll talk about this when you’re back.’ which wasn’t exactly the response tenya was expecting to an innocent photo of a cute article of baby clothes, but he understood the implications and why you might want to talk about it further.

you felt guilty for some reason, as if you had been dishonest or had robbed your husband of a family life, despite the fact that before you got married, you never promised children to anyone. you thought you had made it abundantly clear that you were on the fence about the whole thing so why did you feel so bad about it now? perhaps it was just the nerves; it’s a big decision after all, so you were bound to feel guilty about it either way.

“hello? are you alright? do you still want to talk?” tenya waved his hand in front of your eyes to snap you out of your thoughts. your glassy gaze met his, everything about his natural glow oozed reassurance; you still felt nervous but slightly less disheartened.

you breathed out sharply through your nose, delivering the mellow introduction you had prepared beforehand to ease in the topic of kids, “on a scale of one to ten — ten being very much and one being not at all — how much do you want children?��

“um, five.” tenya hummed, not bothering to give a second thought to your inquiry as he replied concerningly quick. “how about you?”

“one.” you blurted out, not sparing a second because quite frankly, you wanted this conversation to be over as soon as possible, “actually, negative one.”

he couldn’t help but chuckle, gently taking your hand in his, “i’m guessing that is what you wanted to talk about?”

“yeah.” you muttered, unable to find the courage to look him in the eyes, hence your gaze darted across the room to find something besides him to focus on. tenya knew you too well for his own good; today you tried to be as monotone and reserved as possible yet he still managed to read you like an open book.

forcing down the lump in your throat, you continued, “i don’t want to have kids, ever. i just thought i should remind you.” the reason behind your word choice of ‘remind’ was that before you both got married, you had discussed the idea of having children and at the time you claimed to be natural towards the idea but you still emphasised the fact that in the future you might be completely opposed.

the first time you told him, he responded with his usual bright grin, pulling you into his embrace and announcing “so be it, as long as i have you.” and that warm scene replayed in your mind as he did almost the exact same thing once again. except this time, his hand remained intertwined with yours and he added, “moving forward, i won’t ask again.”

he was aware that his photo earlier may have come across as pushy but that truly wasn’t his intention and he hoped that the many kisses he planted upon your head would show that, “children or not, so long as i’m with you, i can die happy.”

his eyes widened immediately after he spoke, followed by his hand retracting from your waist to rub the back of his neck, “i may sound like a sap but it’s true. i adore you.”

#iida imagine #bnha iida #iida tenya #iida fluff #tenya fluff #tenya x you #tenya iida imagine #tenya lida #tenya x y/n #tenya x reader #👾fluff

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bibbykins · 2 years

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Hi happy new year to you babe!!! Hope you had a fun time celebrating the new year, cuz I can't lmao. I dunno if someone already asked you this or if this is a spoiler or something (you don't have to answer this btw). But if I may ask, (1) would there be a mafia fic soon? (no pressure tho, just curious). (2) is the obsession of the boys already at its peak or nah? and if nah, would we see how worse they can get? (3) (if this makes you uncomfortable, I am sorry and please ignore this) as someone who is self-aware that I have a very shitty coping mechanism, the household bunny really speak to me and it kinda is my comfort fic, I just wanna know how the boys would react if the mc just shut down? Like for me, it's hard to speak my thoughts out loud because I am self-aware how others might see my thoughts as me trying to gain sympathy or that I'm just making it worse than it actually is or that I might influence their way of thinking and make them think like how I think (which is not good), so yeah I wanna know how the boys deal with it. (4) would Jungyoon, the mc, and the boys be in the same room in some point in time? I really wanna make Jungyoon feel really uncomfortable lmao.

Sorry if I'm just dumping this here. Again, you don't need to answer any of this as this may be triggering, but thank you for writing really. It helps me.

Happy super late new year to you bb!! I will answer the questions as best as I can without spoiling!

1.) Yes... I hope. I have almost 9k of the next mafia one written... and they haven't even kissed yet lmao, so this one will be a doozy but I hope to get it out the moment I finish!

2.) I am assuming this question applies to the household boys (if i'm wrong pls tell me and I'll answer it again!) Buuuut I would say none of em have reached their peak, Jungkook might be the closest to it? But yes we will see how the closer they get to her, the more they realize how precious she is to them, and they're all insane (not as insane as the mafia boys but still) so that will translate into some yandere-ness, nothing too crazy ofc but still crazy lmao

3.) (I'm so glad my fic is a comfort fic, this is a huge compliment don't worry!) Also the coping mechanism I believe you're referring to is the "freeze" response? *pushes up glasses in psych bachelor's degree* i'm jk i know this bc i read a lot and went to therapy lmao But the guys would freak out, not at her or in front of her ofc. THe only ones who would understand what's going on would be Jin, Namjoon, and maaaaybe Hoseok. Jin is a doctor, so he had to have taken some psychology classes in school and Namjoon is an educated fellow who reads a lot. Namjoon would take the more direct approach of sitting next to her, not too close, and talking, asking her questions, but not getting irritated if she didn't respond right away, he gets that she'll respond if she's ready but he would ask questions like "What color do you think that flower is? I say it's more pink than purple, but I don't know?" as a (not-so-sly) means to ground her. Jin would probably ask if he could hold her and if she says yes, he'd hug her, maybe sway a bit, as he reassures her softly.

I could go on for days about the four f's in trauma responses, both as someone with CPTSD and someone who somehow got a degree in psychology, but I'll just let you know that dealing with life is hard, and not everyone is going to understand how you deal with it, but that doesn't make you any less brave for doing so! Whatever people project onto your neutral actions is not your problem, no matter how much they try to make you feel like it is!

4.) ...yes >:) I won't say when, but I greatly look forward to writing it/sharing it with y'all. His discomfort fuels me.

Also don't worry bb! It's lovely to use all my psych knowledge on something, makes the degree and books feel like a worthy investment! I'm no licensed professional by any means but I like helping in whatever quirky way I can! Thank you for being so wonderful and thank you for entrusting me with this ask!

#ask #the household bts

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dropoutparty · 3 years

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ngc ramblings part 3- chapter 5

here we are at part 3!!! sorry this one took so long, i originally was gonna make this post include entropy and extus (along with finally talking about face in depth) but it was so fuckin long that im splitting it into 2 different posts! the next part isnt done yet but im like almost halfway done so it shouldnt be too much longer until its out! also before we get into this one:

tw for: death, animal death, and suicide. pls take care of urself and don't read this if those things are triggering for u <3

ok lets get on with the post

at the start of entropy zach doesnt waste any time getting right to the point. this place is bigger than the other planets so far, and zach says the music this time around is a melody that “started out normal but then got distorted” played by a violin sounding instrument. even tho i do sometimes forget that this is supposed to be a creepypasta im not surprised that he said it made him feel depressed and unnerved lmao. anyways, this planet has all new level types in it!! no reused ones!! ok now this is epic. the bosses this time around are megalon, battra, and mechagodzilla, but itll be a good while before we get to those guys because this chapter is long as hell holy shit?? buckle up babez <33 now, before i get into the meat of things as usual im gonna talk abt the planet name! entropy basically means “a lack of order/predictability or a gradual decline into disorder” and that's very accurate to this part of the story. at this point, red is pissed off and is getting desperate, which means from here on out things are going to be getting more intense and more unstable. this world is the turning point in the overall story, basically.

now with that out of the way, zach first goes to the worlds quiz level as usual! this time something was different. usually, in the quiz levels there would be goofy ass music playin in the bg (specifically the GH1D0RA cheat music, if you wanna like listen to it ig?) but from here on out its been replaced by the music from the games password screen, which zach called creepy earlier on in the pasta. im gonna glaze over the quiz again this time, but when we get to the next planet ill talk about all of the quizzes in depth all at once. basically all you need to know for now abt what happens here is face asks “do you like mothra?” and when zach picks no (after going on a tangent abt how mothra sucks lmao,, bro i swear im good at the game my controllers just messed up /s), face enters bastard mode and goes “TOO BAD!” and boom now zach cant play as anyone but mothra. zach is pissed for now but little does he know this is just going to become an even more epic gamer bc of this,, youll never get better at something if you never try and all that.

after that, zach moves on to the first level type- the forest. immediately zach gets an eerie feeling from this level bc he has some kinda fear involving forests at night (i can think of a reason why but ill have to talk abt that later just to be sure). hes also not feelin great about being forced to play as mothra, so the pressure of it all is def starting to get to him by now. the music in the forest is woodwinds followed by slow, rhythmic drums and chiming bells. must have been some ominous woodwinds and bells bc it made him feel like he was intruding somewhere he shouldnt be (oh rlly?? u dont say,, everything up until now has been fine /s). getting into the level itself, eventually zach comes across some weird deer-like monsters just vibing and scares them away when he gets close. later in the level he finds more of these weird deer along with a sloth-like creature on some of the trees and some raptor dudes killing some of the deer. zach shoots one of the raptors but thats about it. nothing really happened in this level but zach noted that he didnt feel like he was playing a video game, but instead it felt more like he was exploring a forest in another dimension. thats interesting for reasons ill ~get to later~ (yall must be so tired of hearing that by now omg,, i know im tired of saying it at least. i was gonna wait until after replay to talk about things but i severely underestimated how long this whole project would be, so i might make a post for the “more on that later” stuff before i get into replay. let me know what u think i should do).

anyways, the next thing zach checks out is the first tv screen level so far. these levels just play an animation with some music in the background, and theres a different animation per level. this time around the animation is of a kid with a beaver(?) head licking a lollipop and the music is the GH1D0RA music that the quiz levels used to use. the only thing of note here is that zach says he had a shirt that looked just like that when he was a kid. after that, were off to some of the weirdest fuckin levels in this whole thing imo- the hourglass levels. these levels have an entirely brown color palette, with grandfather clocks standing in the background (the level appears to be in like a hallway or something) and various time measuring things floating in the air. the music is the same as the board (ig cosby just didnt feel like thinking of what theme this place would have lol). after a little bit zach was rlly happy to see actual enemies from the normal game show up! these are basically like aircraft, tanks, etc. thats not the main attraction here tho, bc this level has its own unique mechanic! this mechanic is the colored hourglass items you can pick up. there are three of them, a blue one that slows time down and makes enemies from the past appear, a red one that speeds up time and makes enemies from the future appear, and a green one that made the time flow normally and spawned enemies from the normal game. zach found the blue one first, which caused a bunch of prehistoric enemies based on real animals to show up. after that he found a green one and fought normal enemies again, and then he found a red hourglass. the future enemies here look like aliens to me, and zach says that one enemy reminds him of something he saw in a book once. eventually, a special future creature showed up and zach was suddenly in a boss battle! or a mini boss battle? that description is probably more accurate. this guy doesnt have a face, and he can only attack by shooting a beam from his face, it sure does look cool! after zach beat it tho, he was off to the next level type, which is basically a toxic waste dump.

zach called it grungy and inhospitable, with the music being a synth ambient loop that made him feel dizzy while he listened to it. this is important because this is the first instance of the game making zach feel something *physically*, not just psychologically. all of the enemies here are mutated to some degree, with him first seeing green mummies with bird skulls coming out from vats of toxic slutch and a brownish cow skeleton monster with spider legs. later zach comes across a deer from the woods, drinking some toxic slutch (delinchous). zach got close to it to try making it stopped but suddenly some enemies came out of nowhere and scared it into running right off a ledge and into the slutch. rip :pensive:. after that zach found more mutated enemies (i.e some things with tentacles and some other deformed thing with human teeth) before he finally gets to the end of the level, where theres another miniboss waiting for him!! this ones a toxic sludge monster with a whale skull who attacks with a mouth projectile and by charging into you. the monster sank into the slutch and thats all for this level babeyy!

the next level is another forest, but this time its winter! its still at night, but this time zach doesnt feel off put, which he mostly attributes to the music. he describes it as a gentle, calm song that almost sounded romantic. the entire first segment of this level had no enemies in it, but dw this level is interesting i swear. the next segment starts out just as empty as the last one, but this time its silent. that is, until the music from “unforgiving cold” starts playing. yaa you remember that place!! i think i said it was less interesting than i remembered but its interesting again now bc it was foreshadowing these levels!! anyways soon after the music started up, zach started to come across tons of frozen bodies of the deer from earlier. some were mutilated, some werent, but they were all frozen and covered in snow. eventually zach does come across something living though, a sloth creature from earlier! its just vibing when suddenly the winter versions of the raptors from earlier rush in and fuckin obliterate the sloth thing. those things just blindly try killing everything in sight, and even start fighting themselves before zach finally gets to the last part of the level.

now this is where shit starts to get crayzay. this part opens up to a big empty field with a full moon and the nice music from earlier back. despite the nice music tho, zach immediately starts feeling dread and eventually he finds a lake. the lake comes down from the sky and starts to crack like an egg, a humanoid figure curled up in the fetus position dropping into the lake below and the moon halves disintegrated. this spawned the moon beast, the hardest challenge zachs had to deal with so far. after he finally defeats it, the screen goes to black and the name “melissa” is on screen, written in red. after that, the screen then says kys. the word kill then fills up the screen, layering over itself until it forms a picture of reds face. its now that we finally get to hear abt the whole melissa thing (which makes it sound like shes been mentioned in the pasta before this but thats not what i mean lmao). to summarize, zach had a middle school gf named melissa (also bro middle school?? wadda hell) who often went into “episodes” where she would stare off, expressionless, before trembling and putting her face in her hands. she and zach hung out in a field at night a lot but one night she just stared at the moon the whole time before running into traffic and dying.

NOW its finally later!!! were not done with entropy yet, but this is the end of part one of entropy so i wanna just take a little break to talk about things so far. this planet is FULL of symbolism and foreshadowing. to start off, i think a lot of the questions face asks at the beginning foreshadow things that happen. some examples are “is time slipping though your fingers?” which could allude to the time levels, “do you have any regrets?” which i think obviously foreshadows the whole melissa thing, “is it safe to go out at night?” and “do you find it hard to sleep at night?” both follow the same kinda theme, which i think relates to how the melissa incident happened at night, specifically out at night. i dont think the forest levels have anything too important in them, other than to introduce the presence of an innocent, harmless creature that doesnt deserve what happens to it later (aka the deer things) which might symbolize melissa. more evidence for this symbolizing melissa comes from the encounter with the deer in the toxic dump and the winter forest, where in the former zach tries to stop it from hurting itself but is too late, being forced to watch it die, and in the latter the same innocent thing from earlier is found dead close to where the real incident took place. the two big themes to keep in mind here are death and time, more specifically the past. most of the enemies here are either made from bones or kill other enemies, there's a dedicated time level referencing things that zach remembers seeing at one point (aka that one alien zach recognized), the beaver head had the same shirt as child zach did, it all connects to zachs past and the death of melissa. as for the moon beast, its the most obvious reference for reasons ive already explained. i dont really know what the moon cracking open and dropping a curled up human into the lake could mean other than some other thing melissa related, but i *do* think that the fact that the moon beast is the most difficult thing zach has faced so far is symbolic of the fact that the trauma from this event has followed him throughout his entire life, and its something he struggles with daily. it could even be the reason why he said no when face asked if he could sleep easily at night. the moon beast also has some black fur around its neck, which i think is meant to represent a tire track, referencing and/or mocking the way melissa died.

its so cool how this entire part of the story builds up to and foreshadows the bomb it drops at the end of the part, giving people something to look back on. a lot of ppl say that as soon as the melissa stuff gets introduced the story goes down in quality, and i do somewhat agree with that sentiment, especially if they want the story to actually be scary, but i think the direction the story goes from this point on is so unique and cool. it does follow the whole “theres a ghost in the game” troupe (even tho it was probably seen as a spin on that originally) but it doesnt do the same cliches as so many other gaming creepypastas do and it really takes the concept and makes it its own. i just think its neat,,,

anyways im done gushing abt this story, lets get on with part 2 of extus!! basically zach has a fuckin panic attack and, after taking a few minutes to calm himself down when its over, he decides that he has to finish the game now because if he doesnt its just going to haunt him for the rest of his life. zach has now realized that the game is “alive” and can somehow see his thoughts and memories, so understandably hes pretty freaked out by it at this point. when he keeps playing, the first thing he does is check out another tv screen level. this time, the animation is of a fish dude just kinda standing there with his mouth flapping open and closed and the music is the neptune board music from the original game. the only reason i can think of for why this is here is maybe the game is mocking zach for the panic attack he just had (bc when u have a panic attack you feel like you can barely breathe, if ur lucky enough to have never had one before and u dont know) but thats abt it. its probably just a random goofy thing cosby threw in there.

anyways, the next actual level is the first labyrinth level. this time around, its a gold labyrinth specifically. the music in these levels is a slow, ominous drum beat with female vocals occasionally coming in and (basically from here on out) the monster zach plays as is now half the size it used to be. i think this shows how zachs feeling at this point, like this whole thing isnt just being a big strong monster and beating up enemies any more, he feels small and scared and helpless in the face of something potentially dangerous that he doesnt understand maybe his confusion about the game is the reason *why* theres so many labyrinth levels here in the first place. anyways im getting ahead of myself. personally, i think the aesthetic of the gold labyrinth is very similar to the green temples back on trance. while trance had a more circular and soft theme to it's architecture and sculpture, entropys is much more square or rectangle oriented. despite this, i think that the golden mazes at least are another religious kind of building, and the architecture is just different because theyre two different cultures who just happen to worship the same spiritual figure (aka melissa. did i say that earlier? i think i did,, if i didnt well the religions worship melissa, not knowing she's a dead human or anything. probably).

moving on, zach notes how the gold labyrinth would probably have been impossible to navigate as any of the other monsters, so turns out face being an asshole was a blessing in disguise after all huh? anyways this place is full of weird gold monsters, lava/fire traps, and stone faces (both in more of an easter island head style and in the regular feminine headshot weve seen so far). zach comes across two feminine heads, one that is more adult looking and pure gold, and another one that looks much younger and whos eyes have red irises and blue scleras. this statue apparently looks a lot like melissa did on the night she died, so zach leaves it pretty quickly. i *think* this is the first time we see the color blue associated with melissa? if it isnt sorry abt that, its been a couple days since i worked on ngcr so ive forgotten some of the smaller or more subtle things by now. GOD i keep getting side tracked ANYWAYS eventually zach finds a non-gold enemy and sees it get picked up by like an arcade crane claw. hes curious so he follows the claw, only to see the monster be put in a big gold cauldron and walk out the side of it as a gold monster.

gonna be honest, no idea what the hell this could mean. like? theres been no themes of corruption or good things becoming evil so far so this just kinda. exists,, yea idk lol. im not part of like any discord servers or anything so all this theorizing and analysis has just been me, maybe getting some small ideas from like random youtube comments or something, so if something ive said so far has been unanimously disagreed with somewhere i dont know about it. thats also why this isnt really a definitive or comprehensive analysis (even tho im trying to be as comprehensive as i can).

anyways zach finds the exit soon after and hes on to the next level type (there's so fucking many of them ik dont worry weve almost gotten to all of them now), the indigo cliffs. the background of these levels is similar to the blue mountains from trance, but now the moon and clouds from the toxic dump background is also here (and colored indigo to match). the music here is just a deep rumbling noise. the first “enemies” he sees here are just a bunch of multicolored little guys coming out of a hole in the ground and jumping off a cliff. were continuing the death theme yall!! anyways zach continues, flying over some more weird creatures (tho some of them just look like dinosaurs lol) before he sees a bunch more of the multicolored guys out and about but this time theyre getting grabbed by birds!! wadda heel!!! zach comments on how the multicolored dudes seem eager to die and thinks maybe the moon has something to do with it (like melissa dude wat!!!! that's crazy /s). at the end of the level there were some more multicolored dudes just walking into a creatures mouth so zach attacked the thing and killed it and the levels over yay!

now its time for the bosses babeyy!!! first zach fights battra (basically an evil moth kaiju), the music is varans theme. battra starts off in his larvae form, where he basically just fought by running into you and shooting stuff at you. while fighting this form, zach noticed that the game buffed mothra because his gamer skillz were too cringe lmaoo. he beats the larvae form and battra goes into his second form, where hes basically a stronger clone of mothra (misogyny). zach fights battra and has fun doing it (for once,, good for him) and he wins yay! next hes fighting megalon (a big beetle/bug kaiju), whos music was gigans theme. im tired when im writing this so ill just give you zachs description of how he fought: “strong, persistent, but dumb”. after this, zach checks out the last tv screen of entropy. this time, it shows a big buff guy with a sack over his head hit a womans head with a sledgehammer while shes tied to a table or something. the music for it was the password theme. i think this is probably here because red is getting angrier? like this guy is still here after i triggered his ptsd?? what the hell!!!

anyways before we get to the last boss we have one last level type to get through- the shadow labyrinth. at this point, zach starts to feel drained because no shit sherlock you just had a panic attack and youve been playing this game for fuckin several hours at this point of course youre fuckin drained. anyways zach enters the shadow labyrinth, which is a black recolor of the gold labyrinth. the music is “evil ambience” similar to unforgiving colds music but distinctly different apparently. there werent any enemies so zach just kinda wandered for a while until the lights turned off, darkening the whole screen and (secretly) spawning tons of spooky enemies thatll chase and hit mothra in the dark. eventually the lights came back on and zach started scrambling to the exit. when the lights turned back off, zach was able to find one of the melissa looking statues and stood next to it. it warded off the monsters while the lights were off, so zach was safe. i think this shows 2 things: 1) its a little more validation for my “religion in this world worships melissa” theory and 2) it foreshadows the way melissa wants to protect zach at the end of the game. zach beat the shadow labyrinth a lot faster than the gold one so were done with all the stages now!! now theres only the last boss and red and were done with entropy!

the last boss is mechagodzilla, but when zach starts the level, normal godzilla is there instead!! its whatever tho bc soon the disguise is gone and its just pretty much the normal mechagodzilla fight (but now hes got a gay beam). at about half health tho, mechagodzillas sprite breaks into pieces like gezoras did way back on earth and reforms into not-mechagodzilla. even tho it looks uncanny (and the usage of the face statue on the front is probably there to further mock zach bc melissa) zach beats it p easily and now its time for the chase. ba dum ba dum thats the sound of a chase.

as usual tho, before i get to the red chase its time to talk about entropy as a planet!! i think the best way to describe the layout is “a big forest with a toxic waste dump in it takes up half the planet while the other half is a large religious temple/labyrinth with a dangerous underbelly”. there doesnt seem to be any intelligent life there now (its all dead by now probably) but there was at some point at least because imean the huge labyrinth is there dude!!! i dont have much to say for this section tbh bc i feel like i've already said everything i wanted to, so its time for the chase ig!!

basically the chase with red here takes place in a labyrinth level bc of course it does. this labyrinth, however, seems to be made of some kind of organic matter. is it flesh? organs? nondescript viscera? idk but it's pulsating and bloody. also this time red has wings too!! anyways, basically zach avoids red throughout the maze, red breaks through one of the walls with his big alien tongue, and zach gets to the end of the maze. nothing crazy happens at the end of this chapter (i think it was crazy enough as is) so thats the end of that and now its time for the penultimate planet- extus.

#ngc ramblings #nes godzilla creepypasta #godzilla nes creepypasta #godzilla nes

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secreteddsworldblog · 3 years

Text

Can I Buy You A Drink?

Eduardo x M!reader

You really don't know how you thought going to a bar to drink Diet Cola all alone was a good idea. Though you're not really in the right set of mind to make reasonable choices.

You've recently had a mutual break up from a long term relationship. Years, not petty months, walked out the door. Regardless if you were the one who brought up the conversation when confronting your Ex about the change of mannerism towards you it still hurt. You still felt like the Dumpy.

Even a month now since the night it ended you still felt an overwhelming sense of loss. You're no stranger to the feeling though. You've actually had worse relationships you rather not think about unless you want to go into a fit of sobs between Cola sips.

"Another diet cola please," you had already gone through a few cans but didn't want to stop. It's your favorite drink. Why not indulge in things to make yourself better? You're actually really picky with what you drink. Nothing makes it past your lips unless its water, milk, and Cola.

"You've had enough, sir!" The bartender was in the middle of drying a wet drinking glass with a yellowed white rag.

How dare he deny you, you're a paying customer, and in pain, "I know when to stop!"

From just the right distance away to hear the exchange sat Eduardo who was had been deep in thought about his own moarning. He always considered himself a tough man, the definition of machismo, someone who can't be knocked down.

Many would say he has no right to feel the way he does after how he behaved before the life changing event he had to go through. But sometimes it takes a rude awakening to trigger a well needed over due self reflection and change in character.

Eduardo's head perked up the moment he heard a man ask for another diet cola. Who orders diet cola at a bar? Besides him that is. If someone can enjoy a diet cola enough to drink it everywhere then obviously it's someone with good taste like him.

Temporarily getting out of his own head he got up and reached the counter, " Bartender, I DEMAND you bring a pair of diet colas for my friend and I!"

"FINE, Mr Eduardo," the bartender slammed the glass he was working on down and went to get the cold refreshments firmly holding them out, "But this is all either of you is getting tonight."

"Whatever," Eduardo passed one of the cans over to you, "Cheers!"

You'd be lying if you said you didn't feel a little bit of second AND first hand embaressment. It's not everyday a cute rando just comes up and makes somewhat of a scene for you. You have a feeling he's the kind of guy who calls out underpaid fast food joint employees when they put pickles in his friends bugers when they asked for none.

With the sound of a 'Tink' from cans tapping you lightened up a little. It would do you some good to know new people. Not in a thottie way. You've had to move homes for a fresh start, staying in that house with the memories were only going to make things harder for you to recover from, so you're actually in unknown territory.

"So what's a guy like you doing drinking cola all alone?" Eduardo glaced at you from the corner of his eyes still letting the diet cola can hover next to his lips after the first sip. You didn't know what he meant by 'a guy like you'. Though you weren't the most traditionally masculine looking bloke at the bar compared to him. You wouldn't go as far as calling yourself an E-boy but you're definetly decked out in more of a casual alternative attire. Some would call you a pretty boy, like your Ex before he stopped-

"Probably for the same reason you are?" It was strange to see someone else drinking the same thing alone- Unless this is normal for a guy like him. He didn't look like a traditional loner but weirdos come in all sorts of flavors. You knew that fairly well.

Other broken souls in the bar are getting properly drunk and a man out with the boys would only drink non-alcoholic beverages if he's the designated driver.

"I see... You come here often?" He lowered his drink to have his other arm reach over to scratch the back of his head. Eyes avoiding yours.

"No. I'm fairly new 'round these parts," You paused for a second deciding to say something risky, "Do you want me to come here often?" A little flirting never hurt anyone. It might be too soon to get back on the sattle but you weren't looking for anything serious any time soon nor were you planning to go far while you're still healing. You just miss being who you used to be before devoting yourself to you Ex. Your confidence wasn't always real but you'd love to go back to being the cocky flirts you used to be. Seeing just how many people call fall for you knowing you can have absolutely anyone.

Eduardo seemed to almost spit his drink seeing his subtle attempt at hitting on you be returned. "A-Are you serious?" His eyes widened a little looking at you. He must have been on the market and unsuccesful for quite some time hm? He hadn't been seen in a serious relationship since the one with his own Ex, Laurel.

"Why wouldn't I be?" You flex your classic side smirl and eyebrow raise. You might be a little rusty and you could use some practice in the mirror before trying that on anyone else.

Eduardo seem to have trouble thinking of what to say next only to be saved by his phone ringing, "S'cuse me, I have to take this-". On his phone Mark's icon and name popped up.

Mark had it together and seemed to have taken the loss a lot better than Eduardo. He was the more mature one of the trio and because of that he took it upon himself to look after eduardo remaining roommates with him.

As Eduardo went to a less crowded corner of the bar you checked your own phone.

You had roommates of your own. Some pals who ARE locals of this town. One of them even owns a music shop a few blocks form the bar. You couldn't trust yourself to exist alone after the break up so they were nice enough to let you move in as long as you helped around the store and did you part of house chores.

You scoffed at the text from Kasey the other roommate who has an online business and likes to call himself an 'influencer.'

[Kasey]: Are you still being a lil bitch baby? Where are you? Bill and I are going to lock you out of the house if you stay out late again.

With a roll of your eyes you respond back saying you'll be home in a bit. Even though they were nice enough to take you in the dynamic between the three could be considered playfully rude but tipping too close over the line into toxic. Kasey could say 'Fuck you' and you could say 'Eat my ass' then go out for a movie.

"Sorry about that. My roommate was checking up on me". Eduardo sat back down looking at your face wondering why you looked peeved.

Rent must be terrible in this town. It seemed everyone had a roommate. "That's fine. So were mine. I have to split actually-" You got up slyly putting your coat jacket on waiting to see if the man really was interested in you enough to say anything about seeing you again.

"O-Oh wait. How often are you thinking of coming by this spot?" Eduardo didn't have many people to see when he left home. Aside from a stiff friendship with Tom. Since the incident they've bonded over their hatred for Tord. They took turns doing each other's interests like watching a sporting event when it's Eduardo's turn to pick the activity or going to a concert when it was Tom's night. It would usually end in some fight over bashing each others choices but they always silently made up and made plans for another night.

"Mmmm. I don't know really," it was the truth. Even if you were to say what days you'd potentially show up it wasn't for sure. You'd play hard to get but this could become a good friendship. Someone who isn't calling you slurs, reclaimable between you and your roommates among themselves of course, and someone who might actually like you. "Here, let me save my number in you phone-" You reach out placing you hand on his forarm that held the phone testing to see if he'd flinch or push you away from the gentle touch.

Eduardo felt goosebumps from around you touch. You could have sworn you saw a hint of green blush on his face. No one really touches him besides Mark when he pats Eduardo on the back when he things he needs it. "S-sure".

You glided your hand from where it was to his hands sliding the phone out from his grasp. Your brain did a buffer effect when seeing the person that was his lock screen. A guy with small eyes, light brown hair, and blue button up. Who was this? This better not be some unnamed boyfriend. You didn't take him for a cheater. You still saved your number on his phone but took a mental note not to flirt as much until you know for sure the guy was single. Even if it's just casual the last thing you want to be is a homewrecker.

You handed the phone over back to him, "See ya." Okay, you can spare a wink before walking away from him.

Eduardo sat there confused. That really happened. He really got someone's phone number. He took one last sip from his diet cola before setting down the money to pay for their drinks.

Authors note:

What's up fellow LGBTs. I didn't see any xM!Reader content much less for Eddsworld charas so I took it upon myself to actually provide for any of the other losers who simp for Eduardo. Might do a love triangle down the line tho-

#eddswolrd #eduardo eddsworld #x reader #m!reader

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wolfinshipclothing · 3 years

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Summary: I need to hurry up, she kept thinking. Any minute now, her dad could come home early, tired from a lazy dayshift. Or her mom could drop with the excuse she forgot something, and use the opportunity to check out on her daughter. Her independent, smart and intelligent daughter. Then Connie would have to explain to her what said daughter was doing sitting on her bed, in her bathrobe, fresh from the shower, holding a blood-stained shirt over her forearm, with a pair of scissors resting at her side.

The same pair of scissors that went missing a month ago, by the way.

Excerpt:

But what about you? You never tell me what's up," said Steven and Connie perceived the sourness. "How's cram school going?"

"It's going," she said flatly.

"That's good. How about Lion? I haven't seen the little rascal since forever."

"You know him. He comes and goes as he pleases."

"Right, right." Silence. She wished Steven would stop asking questions and just talk. "Connie, are you alright? You sound a bit under the weather; and I am the one about to be soaked."

Steven's attempt at humor was ignored; the red lines over Connie's arm caught all her attention. There was not a discussion inside her head. There was a whole fucking debate, with a hundred people committee and a chairman that was chewing her nails as she waiting for the lunch break.

"I don't know," she said, choosing simple words.

"What do you mean? Did something happen or…?"

"It's just one of these days, you know?"

Steven's silence asked her to elaborate. The cuts of her arms seemed to shine brighter, mocking her for her weakness.

Welp, i came crawling back from my hole with this fic. Mind you its a very angsty, sensible fic bout self-harming and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I wrote this because 1) its always Steven the one that is hurting and needs helps, and Connie the one who is there to put him back on his fic. Few times i have seen the opposite.

And 2) this has been a shitty year. To everyone in the world, obviously. Just have been very garbage to me. Or maybe I AM the one who was being garbage to myself. In any case, i haven’t been feeling well, and decided to write up my feelings into the characters i am currently hyper-fixating on.

Is it healthy? Who knows! But it DID made me feel better. I hope this fic, if it doesn’t trigger some catharsis in you guys, at least entertain you all for a while.

Anyway, that’s all. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year folks.

(You can also read it in Fanfiction, btw)

"You might imagine that a person would resort to self-mutilation only under extremes of duress, but once I'd crossed that line the first time, taken that fateful step off the precipice, then almost any reason was a good enough reason, almost any provocation was provocation enough. Cutting was my all-purpose solution." —Caroline Kettlewell, "Skin Game".

Connie’s mind was beyond herself; far, far away, where she couldn’t reach it. Her body was heavy; lead weight held together by rusted tin bolts. And Connie was trapped inside it, with no company but the stinging pain on her arm and the weight of the shirt she kept against it.

How long have I been like this? She wondered. It felt like hours. Her legs were like paper; where she not sitting on her bed, she would have already plummeted to the floor.

I need to hurry up, she kept thinking. Any minute now, her dad could come home early, tired from a lazy dayshift. Or her mom could drop with the excuse she forgot something, and use the opportunity to check out on her daughter. Her independent, smart and intelligent daughter. Then Connie would have to explain to her what said daughter was doing sitting on her bed, in her bathrobe, fresh from the shower, holding a blood-stained shirt over her forearm, with a pair of scissors resting at her side.

The same pair of scissors that went missing a month ago, by the way.

Connie lifted the shirt. The bleeding had stopped. The cuts were all dry out now —probably had been for a few minutes— but they still shined with a disgusting color. The marks from last time were underneath; red rivers over dried out canals. Feral slashes over healed scars.

Connie dropped her head onto her hands, elbows on her knees, and applied pressure over her temples. That usually helped her think.

“Stupid,” she said with a sore voice. “Stupid, stupid. You always do the same.”

Connie’s harming habit have come, less like a metaphorical descent into madness and more like a —also metaphorical— walk down a descending staircase, where each step would disappear behind you, leaving you no choice but to go further down, into the dark.

It gradually became a routine. If she’d messed up a test, she would spend all night studying the subject. If she’d snapped at her mom in a moment of hormonal-fueled rage, she would skip dinner —breakfast too, if possible. If she’d been so absorbed in her own world she’d ghosted her friends, she would train with her sword until her palms were all blistered. Small pinches of pain she could administer, in measurable doses and only when it was justified.

It was astounding how quickly she lost sight of what was measurable and justified.

But the real aggravating part of it, in Connie’s opinion, was how much of her time it takes. It’d taken her a whole morning of self-loathing for the static to take over her body. Once it did, she lost control and started attacking her outer forearm with swift, brutal slashes, instead of the controlled cuts she usually administered. When she saw what she’d done, she panicked and reached for her neatly folded white shirt. What a waste. She had barely bled a few fat drops, yet it was more than enough to ruin her favorite shirt.

She’d been quiet since then, holding the soon-to-be-rag over her arm and trying to grasp her slippery psyche at the same time. She could feel her body, but she wasn’t in it. Her brain was working itself to death, but she’d no control over its thoughts. Like Schrodinger’s cat, it was like she was there and not there at the same time. Alive and Dead. Connie has come to call this dissociative state ‘the limbo’. And she was knees deep in it now. And it must be past noon already!

If I could make my butt to get up and clean up this mess, maybe I could sit down and have some work done. Otherwise, this would be a lost day.

The thought loomed over her. A lost day. She couldn’t let that happen. Now she just had to find a way to get out of the fog of her mind…

The phone ringed. Connie as much as jumped from the bed, dropping the shirt and scissors on the floor. She reached for her phone on the table.

BISCUIT

Just left the hotel and hit the road. The engine sounds like it’s about to choke to death, tho. I hope it doesn’t break before reaching New Orleans. Call me when you have a break! Love you!

Connie sighed; her heart’s palpitations echoing in her ears. How ridiculous! Jumping to grab her phone as if she’d been caught. Like some bad horror movie; someone on the other side would said ‘you have been seen’ and then hang up, leaving Connie panicking like a fool. Ridiculous!

She grabbed the scissors and the shirt with one hand, the phone with the message she ought to respond in the other. She glanced at the bed; the sheets were wet, she ought to change those. Her arm was still stinging; she ought to treat the wounds. Also, she ought to get properly dressed. And her test was still on the desk, waiting for her…

Connie groaned and gravitated naturally towards the bed and felt into it. She’d never had trouble compartmentalizing before. She also had never been in the limbo this long before, however.

She found herself thinking of Steven; living on the open road, driving that tank with radio he calls ‘car’, doing whatever he wants, going whenever he wants to go —previously checking his rigorous list of places to go. Being whoever he wants to be.

This made Connie mad. She didn’t want to be mad. She rotated her phone in her hand several times, thinking.

I could call him, she thought. You are supposed to reach out when… in situations like this, right?

Her stomach grumbled with acid reflux. She definitely didn’t want to talk to Steven —nor anyone else, really. But hearing a friendly voice could be what she needs to get back on her feet.

She pressed the name on the screen and put the phone on speaker. It rang. Please don’t pick up, please don’t…

Schick.

“Hey Connie! What’s up?”

“Hey Steven. Are you busy?” she asked.

“Not at all. The road’s pretty calm. I think there is a storm coming though; there are some mean-looking clouds above me,” said Steven, a bit uncertain. “Are you on your break?”

In a manner of speaking. “Yeah. I just thought… you know, checking out on you.”

“Making sure I didn’t pick any new hitchhiker? I’ll let you know I haven’t done that since Miami Beach,” he laughed. “Seriously though, you should have seen the motel I crashed last night. ‘Sir-sleep-a-lot’ was the name, and it was great. There’d a real-looking imitation sword and shield above the bed! That’s the stuff you won’t see in any fancy-brand hotel.”

Connie smiled briefly. Despite everything that’d happened to Steven —and he really broke the limit of shit that could happen to a person—, he was still the same kind-hearted boy that got emotional over the simpler stuff.

“But what about you? You never tell me what’s up,” said Steven and Connie perceived the sourness. “How’s cram school going?”

“It’s going,” she said flatly.

“That’s good. How about Lion? I haven’t seen the little rascal since forever.”

“You know him. He comes and goes as he pleases.”

“Right, right.” Silence. She wished Steven would stop asking questions and just talk. “Connie, are you alright? You sound a bit under the weather; and I am the one about to be soaked.”

Steven’s attempt at humor was ignored; the red lines over Connie’s arm caught all her attention. There was not a discussion inside her head. There was a whole fucking debate, with a hundred people committee and a chairman that was chewing her nails as she waiting for the lunch break.

“I don’t know,” she said, choosing simple words.

“What do you mean? Did something happen or…?”

“It’s just one of these days, you know?”

Steven’s silence asked her to elaborate. The cuts of her arms seemed to shine brighter, mocking her for her weakness.

“I’m doing badly,” Connie said quickly. “I’m feeling real bad right now and I don’t even know why,” she added, only half-lying.

There was a long mmm on the other side of the line.

“Alright. I’m going home,” said Steven.

Connie’s heart started to race. “You can’t do that. You are driving... a-and your schedule-”

“I’ll just park on a side of the road. There are some nice trees I can park under. Then I’ll call Lion and be there in a flash.”

No, no, NO. “Steven, you really don’t have to.”

“It’s no problem at all! I want to be with you-“

“Steven, I don’t want to see you, OK!” Connie bolted upright, sitting on the bed. “Nobody asked you to do anything! Why do you always have to make things about yourself?”

Silence. A gust of wind came from the window, chilling Connie to the bones. She squeezed her left hand until it hurt. The scissors were still there. She glanced at her right arm; smooth and clean of any mark. Connie was right handed, but she could make an exception.

The thought alone shook her to her core, making her open her palm. The scissors felt with a clink-clank. She brought the phone closer to her face.

“Please,” Connie muffled a choke with her free hand, “please don’t go. Can you just talk to me?”

More silence, and there was a moment in which Connie knew ‘this is it, my best friend hates me forever’. But then there was a sliding noise, and the rumble of dirt being removed. There was also a distant boom; a storm was about to drop.

“I stopped the car,” said Steven. “I’m here for you, if you want.”

Great. It’s not like that’ll deepen Connie’s guilt.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I’m so sorry,” she repeated. Dark walls were closing around her, and the only source of light was her phone and the person on the other side. Obstinate tears rolled down her cheeks. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Please don’t say that. I know… you know that’s not true,” Steven measured each word as he spoke. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said, “I’m just being a big baby, that’s all.” No answer. He’s not gonna make it easy for her, is he? “I’m mad. Really mad.”

“Mad at me?”

Connie grumbled as an answer. She heard Steven’s struggle to swallow.

“Right. Not about me.”

“Exactly,” she said, although it was a half truth.

“I’m mad at myself,” she proceeded. “I’m mad because I fail at everything I do.” Connie took several breaths. Here comes the bomb: “I flunked at my practice college entrance test.”

More silence.

“Go on,”

“Aren’t you gonna say its stupid?” she asked cautiously. She’d expected a scoff, a snicker. Maybe even some laughter.

“I’m listening,” Steven insisted.

Connie tried to put some verbal sense in the ball yarn that was her mind.

“I really flunked it, you know,” she said, waiting —hoping— for a reprimand. “Even the stuff that I’ve studied and re-studied.”

“But it was just a practice test. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means everything, Steven,” she cried. “If I’d taken it today, I would have gotten a garbage grade.”

Connie cleaned the tears away with the back of her hand. The gust coming from the window was making her shiver. Her wet hair and the soaked sheets were not helping either.

“It like everything I had done, all the hard work I put into it was for nothing,” she said. “Everything feels so pointless.”

“I don’t think it was,” said Steven, carefully. “Even if you failed, you still practiced for the real one. Don’t give up. Going to college was your dream.”

“Was it? I don’t really know.” Connie bit her lip. “No, that’s a lie. I do want to go to college. I just wonder if it’s worth it. I mean, what’s the point of trying so hard if I fail anyway? Do you have any idea how many nights I lost for this? O-or how many times I had to put my friends on hold because I was busy studying?”

She stopped. She felt as if her breath was stolen from her.

“Of course you do,” she sighed. “And it was all for nothing. I failed at this as I fail at everything else.”

“What is ‘everything else’?”

Her blood was freezing cold, as was her answer. “You know.”

There it was again; the roar of thunder, followed by the sound of a million drops falling down. It was starting to rain somewhere.

“Connie,” said Steven, on the verge of shattering. “Have you been thinking about Homeworld?”

Connie clenched her free hand, her teeth, and everything else that required physical exertion.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be.”

“I know I have no right to feel bad about it. You are the one who suffered the most from it-”

She was cut by her own throat shutting down, and for a moment only tiny hiccups came out. There was a blinding, white rage inside her. It commanded her to grab her sword and slash, lunge and cut all her problems away. But she didn’t. She stood still and cried.

“But I was there too. I saw what White did to you and I couldn’t do anything.” Connie gasped for air. “I trained so hard for nothing. When you needed me I… I failed you.” She stopped to gasp and clean her tears. “H-how can I know I won’t be a mess in everything else I do, that I won’t flunk on my first year of college? Studying was the only thing I was good at and… and I’m not even good at it anymore and just…”

She stopped to let the tears roll freely. It was too much; too much weight, too many tears. Everything was in the air now. All her failures, all her fears, like an enveloping toxic cloud around her; it’d always been there, but now someone else could see it. In the middle of her wailing, she caught Steven’s concerned voice.

“Connie, can you hear me?”

It could be easy to hang up now, forget this ever happened, and call back when she was strong and put together. ‘Hey Steven, sorry about that, everything is better now’. But Connie couldn’t do that —not to him. She mumbled a reply.

“Alright. I want you to breathe with me, OK? Can you do that?”

Well, that’s easy for him to ask. He’s not the one hyperventilating. And to think many times she’d said the same, when Steven was going through a panic attack. How the turntables indeed.

She knew the instructions to the letter, but she coordinated them to Steven’s voice. Four seconds inspiration. Hold it for seven seconds. Eight seconds exhalation. They repeated it until every corner of Connie’s mind was occupied with this routine.

“Feeling better?” Steven asked.

Connie noticed she wasn’t crying anymore and with one last sniff she said: “A bit.”

“Good. Now I want you to listen,” said Steven. “First, just because I was the one who was attacked doesn’t mean I got the monopoly on trauma.” He stopped to see if his joke caused any effect. ”What I mean to say is, that day was… it was a literal hell for all of us. Maybe more to me than to the gems, but it was so for you too because, like you said, you were there with me.”

“Which brings me to the second point: nothing of what happened in Homeworld, or that happened to me, to us, was your fault,” Steven said, firmly and fluently, like a practiced speech. “And there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. I know you are mad because you couldn’t take a swing at White’s giant nose…”

Connie laughed. She imagined Steven raising a triumphant fist into the air.

“But you did help me. You carried me to… to me! If I’m alive now, it’s because of you. And I should…” Steven stopped. Connie could see him, hand on his mouth, trying to hold the tears back and be the rock she needed. She knew that feeling too well. “I should’ve told before how much you did to me. You saved my life back then, a-and then you saved me again, months ago, when I got corrupted.”

Connie gasped. Steven never brought that topic unprompted, and he never called it for what it was. It was always ‘the incident’.

“You were there for me since day one,” Steven laughed dryly. “Actually, I should be the one apologizing. You had to go through all of that because of me.”

“I wanted to do it,” Connie retorted. “I wanted to go through all of that with you.”

“That doesn’t make it right. It wasn’t fair.”

Connie huffed. They were scratching the surface of a deeper conversation. Because Connie was mad for wanting to go to Homeworld so bad, and for all the times her life was in danger before that. And she was mad at her parents —what were they thinking? They shouldn’t have let Connie run around with a sword, fighting a war that wasn’t her own; they should have locked her up until she was eighteen. Damn, she was mad at the whole Universe for needing to be saved. They were kids! Stupid kids who didn’t knew better than to take such a task over their shoulders.

And deep down, in a corner she dared not to look, she was mad at Steven. Because from the first day they meet, he chose her. To be his friend, his partner-in-crime, his… And in an even deeper place, Connie was mad at herself. Because she had chosen Steven too, and if it came to it, she would do it all again. Back then, in the middle of the chaos, with the fear of death and the threat of the destruction of the Earth as her everyday bread and butter, life made sense.

But now the war was over, and the books Connie studied so much felt as unreal as any fantasy novel. How do you go back to being normal after having a destiny?

Connie let her head fall back and softly touch the wall. She was far too tired to shine light on those darks corners. She just wanted to rest. She was half-way napping when Steven’s voice brought her back.

“Connie? Connie, are you there? Please talk to me.”

Connie slapped herself awake. “I’m here Steven. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she said, as convinced as anything. “How about you?”

“Don’t worry about me.”

“But I do.”

“Well I… I worry about you!” Steven protested. “So I guess we are in a loop here.”

That comment wasn’t particularly funny, but Connie started to laugh; a short, weak laugh that grew up to be a roar. On the other side, Steven laughed too.

“Oh man. This sure feels familiar doesn’t it?” said Steven, and eased a bit on the laughter. “I guess you are better at making me feel better than I am doing it for you.”

“Oh, don’t sell yourself so short. I do feel better. A little,” she confessed. “I’m sorry you had to deal with me being dumb. I don’t know what came over me.”

Steven was quiet for a while. When he spoke again, it was with the clearness of a professor giving class.

“Connie, do you remember one of the first things Dr. A. told me when I started therapy?

“Life sucks?” She heard Steven breathing raggedly, trying not to laugh.

“That is the first thing,” he said in a short breath, “but I mean the second first thing.”

Connie scratched her head. “The thing about the pond?”

“The frozen lake,” he corrected. “She said that, for people with depression —not saying you have it— or have gone through some trauma —again, not pointing fingers—, anxiety is like a frozen lake. Every day you bring new problems to the lake; little, everyday stuff that’s not too heavy. Then some days you bring heavier stuff, and the ice starts to crack, but you don’t notice because you hide the heavy stuff under the lighter stuff. Finally one day, you bring a new little problem and you put it on top of the pile. You know what happens next?”

“The ice breaks?”

“It breaks,” said Steven, like a satisfied lecturer. “It breaks and you fall in the frozen water, with all of that heavy shit you have been hiding.”

Connie’s hand grabbed the front of her bathrobe. She was still not used to hearing Steven Cutie Pie DeMayo Universe curse —even if she was the one who taught him the coolest words (besides Amethyst, of course).

“I remember the story now,” Connie scratched her head, feeling the hard knots of her hair. “I always thought it was a bit complex as a metaphor.”

“My point is-“

“Why not use a house of cards? Every anxious thought is a new card, and as you pile them up, the house loses stability. Finally, one day, it just falls under its own weight,” Connie explained with renewed vigor. “See? It paints a much clearer picture.”

“The point, Miss Wiseguy,” grunted Steven, and Connie could see him folding his arms. “Is that if you don’t want the ice to break-“

“Or the house of cards to fall.”

“Or the house of cards to fall,” he conceded, “you have to deal with that heavy stuff before you are overwhelmed. You don’t need to do that now,” he added, predicting her complain. “But at some point, you will need to talk to someone. Your parents or your friends… Or I can give you Dr. A.’s number. She knows everything we went through.”

“That ought to save me some time,” she said. “Maybe she’ll give me a discount card of ‘Friends of Steven Universe’.”

“See? Now you are being positive,” Steven laughed.

Connie smiled sadly. “What about you?”

“I’ll always be here for you. By phone, video chat, or to visit you… If you want me to,” he whispered that last part.

“Only if you promise to not turn into a Kaiju when we start exposing my inner demons.”

“Ha ha,” he said robotically. “I’ll assume by your sarcasm that you are the same old Berry now.”

Connie mulled about it for a few seconds. The cloud of anxiety was slowly banishing, and she no longer felt the claustrophobic walls closing around her.

“Yes, I’m good now. Thanks to yo-aaah” a loud, long yawn took over her. “Sorry. Guess I’m more worn out than I thought.”

“Yeah, I can tell… Have you really not been sleeping at all?”

“Unless you count passing out of tiredness as sleeping,” she joked.

“Ah,” said Steven. “Have you been, well… you know?”

Connie didn’t answer. She knew what he meant, but she’d no voice to say it.

“Connie, have you been hurting yourself?”

“This conversation is hurting me.”

“Connie.”

The phone vibrated and got hot to the touch, before cooling down real fast. Connie’s head vibrated too, like a snow globe being shaken. Steven’s control over electric devices had been growing.

She lifted her arm to look at the cuts; they still stung, although she hasn’t been paying attention to it. All the slashes were dry and had a dull color.

Fuck it, why not?

“Just a few cuts,” she said flatly, “with my mom’s scissors.”

There was silence for a while, but Steven’s was still there; his breath was ragged and odd. Has he turned pink? Did Connie throw him into a panic attack?

Finally, he spoke: “Connie, I need you to do me a favor.”

Oh boy, that doesn’t sound good at all. “What is it?”

“Throw those scissors away.”

Connie pursed her lips. “Steven, I can’t do that. My mom would be mad,” she said, although it was a poor excuse. If Connie cared about her mother’s feelings, she wouldn’t have stolen the scissors in the first place.

“I know. I don’t pretend to tell you what to do,” he said, measuring his words like a baker measures flour, “but it’s something that helped me a lot. I mean, when I was in a bad place, I would go into these blank moments when I wasn’t thinking at all.” Connie nodded. He was talking about the limbo. “When I started therapy, I was told to try to be more conscious of myself. More present. So when I felt I was, you know, getting in the mood,” Steven groaned at his own choice of words, “I would take a step back and do something different. We can’t always control our situation or our mood or even our actions, but we can make small changes to have some power over ourselves.”

The way Steven spoke in plural said that he wasn’t doing vain motivational talk; he was talking from a place he’d been in… and maybe still was. Connie remembered sitting on Steven’s bed, trying to cheer him up to eat or step outside and get some fresh air. She also remembered coming home, locking herself in the bathroom and taking a long shower while she cried.

Connie held onto that thought and sat on the bed. She picked the scissors with her free hand and put that memory in them. She also put the memories of White Diamond, the monsters’ attack on Beach City, the arguments with her mother. All her anger, her insecurities, her fear of not knowing who she was— she grabbed all of it and put it into a ball, one she was carrying in her throwing hand. She extended her arm all the way behind her back. And when the wind blew the curtains opens, she propelled her arm forward like a whip.

The scissors —and metaphorical ball— broke free of her hand, made a straight line and finally flew out of the window; out of sight.

Connie stood still, catching her breath. The first thing she noticed was that her chest, while still swelling with anger, felt notably lighter. The second thing was Steven’s voice calling her from the phone. The final thing she noticed made her scream:

“Holy shit!”

“What? What happened?” she heard Steven calling to her.

“I threw the scissors out of the window!”

“…WHAT?”

Connie dashed towards the window, holding her bathtub with her free hand, and stuck her head outside.

“Is everyone ok?”

“Yeah… yeah I think so,” said Connie with a relieved breath. “The street is desert at this time. Anyway, I think I can see the scissors. They felt right by the trash can, so maybe I accidentally stabbed a rat?”

Steven was hyperventilating, but he took a break from it to scoff at her. “Now is no time for jokes, missy! Oh man… you could have killed someone! Why did you do that?”

“Because you told me to, you dumb-dumb!”

“I didn’t tell you to throw a sharp object out of the window, you dumb-dumb!”

Connie shook her head. “Forget it, I don’t want to fight.” She leaned against the wall and let gravity slid her to the floor.

“Me neither,” said Steven. The sound of rain was quieter now. “At least did that helped?”

“Yes. Almost killing innocent bystanders always cheers me up.”

“That’s my girl,” Steven laughed and so did Connie, albeit weaker.

Still, she felt better. Her body was recharging energy quickly and her mind was emerging from whatever black hole it had been hiding in.

“I think I can go on with my day now,” she said and she meant it.

“Are you sure?” Steven asked. Connie reaffirmed her decision. “Well, that’s awesome. So… would it be cool if I drop by and check on you?”

Connie’s heart started to race up again as the anxiety came back. Check on you. Like she was sick and she needed to be taken care of.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now,” she said, firmly. “But later. Definitely later. I’ll call you.”

“But I… OK. Alright, w-we’ll talk later then.”

Steven sounded really bummed out, but Connie could pay it no mind now, lest she wanted to feel down the whole again. “Thanks for everything. And I’m sorry I made you stop in the middle of a storm,” she said.

“Oh it’s not so bad. Kinda weird though,” said Steven. “You know, usually you hide from the rain, lock yourself inside and look at it from the window of your house. But I’m under it right now. The sky is falling around me but I’m as dry as clean clothes. And, I don’t know, it’s beautiful. It makes you appreciate everything there is, even stuff that’s supposed to be ugly. Does it make sense?”

The words struck something deep inside Connie, but whatever meaning Steven was trying to transmit was ignored. She was not in the mood for lessons right now.

“I know what you mean,” she swiftly said. “So I guess I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright then. Please be safe. And call me.”

“I will.”

“Ok… I love you.”

Connie blushed. “Goodbye.” She cut the call. She should have said something else, something more. She didn’t know why she had been in such a rush to hang up.

She just knew saying ‘I love you’ was easier when they weren’t dating.

With one long, invigorating breath, Connie stood up. She stretched her arms over her head until her bones cracked, then she bended and touched her finger toes until her legs were burning.

With the sudden rush of adrenaline, thinking became easier. The rage was gone and her chest didn’t feel as heavy. Connie has left the limbo, at least for now.

She looked for her phone. Her last study break was one hour ago. Most of that time had been spent talking to Steven. So much time —hers and his— wasted in vain…

Alright Connie, compartmentalize. There’s a lot to do. What comes first? She asked herself. Well, her red, stinging arm would be a good starting point. She headed for her bedroom’s bathroom and closed the door shut.

The bathroom was still mildly warm from the shower she took. The first aid kit was where she left it; resting over the sink, opened. It’s where Connie usually hid the scissors. She hung the bathrobe on a perch and checked the cuts on the mirror. They ran deeper than Connie’s usual handiwork, so she applied the process she used for her training injuries. Soap and water to wash the wounds. Dry well, apply antiseptic to prevent infection and then bandage the whole thing, from the elbow to the wrist. She’ll have to change the bandages after tomorrow at least.

Some petroleum jelly could help the wound heal faster and prevent scarring, and Connie’s mom had some in her first aid kit but she discarded that thought. Explaining to her mom how she got these wounds was out of question.

Connie was about to put the kit away when an idea hit her. She brought the bandages out and applied them over her right arm —her clean, unharmed right arm. There; now if anyone, be it her mom or her friends asked, she could appeal to a training accident. And if her mom wants to check the wound herself, Connie will show her the right arm. Her mom will comment on how well the injury had healed, or she’ll simply believe Connie was overreacting to a minor rash. In any case, she’ll be none of the wiser.

Connie looked at herself in the mirror —naked, except for the bandaged arms. Her reflection smiled sadly. You think you are so cunning, don’t you?

With that done, she left the kit over the sink and tiptoed into her cold room. She went to the wardrobe and chose a long sleeved shirt, some jogging pants, and a sweater.

Next thing were the sheets. They were soaked; perfect to catch pneumonia. Connie started to take them off. She stopped and instead she left her room —with the same feeling as Robinson Crusoe leaving his island—, and headed for the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of juice and drank it like an old man in the desert. She poured another glass and headed back upstairs.

Once in her bedroom, she took off the sheets, rolled them all into a ball and poured the orange juice over the sheets, with extra care as to not wet the mattress. The textile absorbed the juice like a sponge. Finally, she went back downstairs, threw the sheets into the dishwasher and set it on. In the unlikely event her mom questioned Connie about her dropping a glass of juice on the bed; Connie only had to point at the orange colored stains.

They’ll disappear after a few washes, anyway. Ironically, the marks on Connie’s arm might last longer. She entertained the idea of putting her shirt to wash, but she scratched it off. Being a doctor’s daughter, she knew blood stains were a pain to get rid of.

Satisfied with what she had accomplished, Connie’s heart gave a little thud as she approached the door. She didn’t feel like going for a walk, but she’d to recover the, sort of speak, crime’s weapon. She stepped outside and walked aimlessly around the sidewalk for a minute, looking for the scissors. She found them on the floor right next to the trash can. Five inches left and they would have landed on top of the trash. It really makes your mind think.

Or someone else’s mind. Not Connie’s. She didn’t have time to metaphors.

She knelt to pick the scissors. And then she saw them; or rather, they saw her. On the other side of the street, a young couple crossed sights with her. They keep their glance on her for less than five seconds before walking away, laughing. It was enough to throw Connie down a hole. Eyes seemed to materialize out of thin air, staring faces, judgmental glances; all of them pointing at Connie. All of them knew what she’d done. She’d been seen.

Connie dashed inside the house and slammed the door behind her. She felt to the ground, short of breath. That couple must be on their way now, totally oblivious of the effect they caused on Connie, and she can’t blame them; she couldn’t predicted that either. Her social anxiety had been tame for so long, Connie thought it was a thing of the past. That’s another thing to scratch out of her accomplishments list.

Nevertheless Connie had the scissors in her shaking hands, and all she wanted was to put them away.

She stood up and moved around the house exhausted. She picked a pair of clean sheets and went back to her room. She locked the door, shut down the windows and closed the curtains. She breathed out loudly. Now she was unseen and nobody could judge her.

She set the clean sheets on the bed. A strong scent of lavender hit her. Finally, she went to the bathroom; put the scissors inside the first aid kit, under everything else, and put the kit on the back of the cabinet, until next time.

Next time… now that was an upsetting thought.

With everything else done, she just had to get rid of the shirt. She had second thoughts about washing it, since throwing it away would be complicated. Feeling a headache incoming, Connie opened her closet and threw the bloody rag inside. It wasn’t like her to postpone things, but… who was she kidding? This is standard Connie’s stress dealing procedure.

Connie looked at everything she’d done, and felt at peace for the first time that day. Then her eyes felt onto her standing mirror.

Oh no, this won’t do, she thought, meaning her hair. More specifically, the crow nest that had taken over her head and that she usually called hair.

She grabbed her blue hairbrush. Her hair was so entangled the regular ministrations won’t do, so she attacked it with brutal brushing motions. In the meantime, her mind kept producing images. Steven under the heavy rain, checking the soaked engine that broke down when he stopped to talk to her. The disappointed glance of her mom when she finds out all the scheming Connie went through to hide the truth. Her own hands shaking with anxiety as she takes the real test and she realizes she doesn’t know any answers.

She set the brush down. There. Now the image in the mirror was presentable —although some days, Connie wasn’t sure if it was really hers.

“I’m alright,” she said, with a voice that felt alien even to her. “I’ll be fine. I’m a warrior,” she added, more convinced with each word.

She was a warrior. Maybe she’d lost her center, but she could find it. She could be strong again. Once she gets a grip of herself and gets into college, everything will be alright.

Right? Right.

With this new resolution, Connie walked to her worktable. Her failed test was still there. Next to it was the half-done new test she had been working on when the static became too much.

Now, she could keep working and pretend all of this never happened. That this was just a very long study break, that everything she did was normal and healthy. It’s what she was expected to do, right?

Once again she thought of Steven, taking time from his trip to sit down under a deluge to talk to her. Breathe with her, as if they were one.

Connie’s hand reached towards the test… And then went left, grabbed the nearest book and dropped it over the papers.

This can wait… she thought, uncertain.

“This can wait,” she verbalized defiantly to the World.

With that problem done for, she had a free afternoon. She tapped her chin —she hasn’t had this free time in a while.

She picked her phone and flipped through the library. There was this reboot of ‘Crying Breakfast Friends’ that Steven had been bugging her to watch, but she’d been rain checked until she could pass the test. Maybe it’s time to keep the study waiting. She shuddered at that inch of her rebellious younger self taking over.

She picked her earphones and lay comfortable on her fresh, lavender-scented sheets. Five minutes into the first episode and she was cackling and crying with a cartoon about animated fruits while her papers —her physical future— waited on the table. And they’ll keep waiting until tomorrow.

Connie didn’t know if this was a step forward or backwards. But a step’s a step nonetheless; and she was still moving.

#connie maheswaran #Steven quartz universe #connverse #self-harm #tw: blood #ptsd mention #dissociation

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moving-accounts-uwu · 4 years

Text

Home Is Where The Heart Is {Pt. 1}

Fandom: Far Cry 5

Characters: Seed Brothers x Serah (OFC)

Story Type: Series

Series Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort, death, violence, romance, fluff, polygamous relationship, abuse, smut, slight dub-con, religious themes, kidnapping, brain-washing, Stockholm Syndrome & Lima syndrome, some elements of the games is used (locations, story/timeline, etc).

Chapter Warnings: None!

Word count: 2.3k words

Story Summary: Serah is a young woman living in Fall’s End, Hope County and has lived there all her life. She owns her own farm and B&B, nothing very exciting ever happens in Fall’s End - except for the occasional chaos caused by Sharky Boshaw. That is until one day, three men show up with a broken down car and seeking a place to stay. Serah, being the kind and caring person she is, lets these men into her home with open arms, but she truly doesn’t know what she has invited into her life.

A/N: each chapter will have specific chapter warnings/trigger warnings at the beginning to help those who would get triggered to know what is about to happen in each chapter. I wouldn’t want to trigger anyone tho ;w; Other than that, I hope y’all enjoy this chapter 1 and updates to this story will be slow though. I know this first chapter is short but make sure to show it some love so I know y’all like it and I can continue it!! Gif is not mine btw~

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Hope County was never really busy or loud; it was mainly quiet and peaceful. People could leave their windows and doors unlocked during the nights because no major crimes were ever committed, and the fact that Hope County only had a small amount of law enforcement because of the low crime rate.

Hope County was the perfect place for Serah. Serah had lived in Fall's End for nearly seven years, and her life has never taken a turn for the worst while living on her farm. She owned a few cows, chickens, pigs, and horses that she tends and cares for. Her large farmhouse has also been renovated to be Fall's Ends very own 'Bed & Breakfast'; getting the occasional tourist here and there, or sometimes it's a local needing a little change in scenery. Serah's main customer is Sharky Boshaw.

Sharky liked to cause a little trouble, otherwise, Hope County would be too quiet. Whenever Sharky was too drunk to go home, he always managed to walk to Serah's farm and keep her company while tending to him. Serah was also good friends with Kim and Nick Rye, the couple being her closest friends since she moved to Montana from New York. Serah wanted a change of scenery herself, and she always dreamed of owning her own farm and 'B&B'.

It was a warm morning when Serah woke up in the early hours on a Saturday. She groaned a bit, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and giving her muscles a good stretch before leaving the confines of her bed. Most of her farm chores were done the day before, so only a few small chores were left remaining. Serah planned to go to The Spread Eagle to visit Mary May, another good friend of hers from when she first moved to Fall's End and worked at the bar for four years.

As Serah was doing some dusting around the house with only having to hang out the laundry after, she was excited to get a move on and get it finished.

"C'mon, Serah, nearly done then we can have drinks to wash the stress away."

Serah couldn't wait to relax before Monday began; the only days she really lets loose is on the weekends with Mary May, and sometimes Sharky if he hasn't already been drinking and passed out somewhere. When the chores were done, Serah took a quick shower to freshen up and put on a cute white, lace sundress that had a deep neckline that flashed a bit of her cleavage and stopped just above her knees.

Serah parked her car in the parking lot before pushing through the bar doors, looking around at the few patrons already there just before 1 p.m. When she approached the bar, Mary May was quick to greet her.

"Hey, beautiful! Just finished all the chores on the farm, yeah?"

"You have no idea..." Serah gave a dramatic sigh of relief while Mary just laughed.

"Don't worry, sweetie! Maybe you could ask one of the boys to help you out around that big farm of yours. You probably need to hire some farmhands, otherwise, you're gonna get tired and grey from stress." Mary May was very motherly for someone who was only a few years older than Serah.

"You know I would if I had the money, Mary. I can't afford to hire farmhands while paying my bills, groceries, and animal feed. I'd either go broke or couldn't pay them enough to keep around." Serah shrugged before getting comfortable at the bar, trying to decide what drink she'd want to order first.

Serah ordered herself a Bourbon and Coke while conversing with Mary and a few other patrons, having the day pass slowly and having a good time. It wasn't until two in the afternoon that Serah thought about heading back to the ranch. She asked Mary if she could leave her truck in the parking lot, which Mary said yes and that she didn't need to ask, while Serah called Nick for a lift.

Serah didn't have to wait for Nick long; he came under less than 2 mins and picked her up.

"Hey there, Serah! You have a good time?" Nick asked while he headed towards the ranch.

"Oh yeah, I had a few drinks to help unwind. It's been a rough few days working, but I got everything done. Maybe I'll get a few new guests or Sharky might just crash at mine whenever he's too drunk to go home." Nick and Serah both laughed at the thought.

Nick and Serah had a sibling bond; Nick was like an older brother and Serah being younger. Serah met Nick when she turned 21 and had her first drink at the Spread Eagle, where she was introduced to Nick and Kim Rye, then five years later, she was basically another Rye in their eyes. She had a second family after losing both her parents to cancer when she was 19. Nick and Serah even got tattoos of each other's names that Nick claims 'Now you're a Rye! You're now my little sister'. The memory always brings tears of pride and joy to Serah's eyes.

Nick parked in front of Serah's ranch before hugging her tight.

"You know, you could always ask me to help you out if things are too much, sis."

"I know that Nick, but I couldn't possibly ask of that from you when Kim is this far along in her pregnancy. She'll need your help more than me. She could give birth next month or so." Serah tried to reason, but Nick just scoffed.

"Kimmie is a tough son of a bitch, every time I offer to help her, she tells me she can do it herself. Trust me, I have plenty of free time to help you out." Nick gave Serah a comforting squeeze on her shoulder before she hopped out of his car, waving him goodbye and watched him drive away.

With a sigh, Serah walked back into her home and started to plan out what to make for dinner. She heard the soft sound of her white cat, Alpine, purring away in his perch at the window sill, the sun coating him with warmth.

"Hey there, Alpine, did ya miss me?" Serah giggled as she walked by him, scratching behind his ear as she went.

*2 hours later*

Serah always had a habit of making large portions of food as if other people lived in the two-story house. She couldn't help it, Serah just created that much food so she wouldn't have to worry about making more the next day. She guessed that it was because she would have to cook for the guests when they stayed at her 'B&B' and she just can't help it. While she let the chicken and corn soup to simmer, she started to get Alpine's food ready because she knew he'd become needy soon.

"Alright, buddy, you'll be having some delicious prawns, your favorite!" Serah sang as Alpine came rushing over and meowing loudly at the smell of the prawns.

As Serah put the prawns into a small bowl and placed it on the floor near the kitchen island, she heard the sound of a slam and a muffled, angry voice followed by a calmer voice. Serah's curious mind got the better of her and snooped near the front window and peeked out through her translucent curtains to see what the commotion was. There was a black SUV parked on the side of the road, small amounts of smoke coming from the hood while three men stood around the front of the car. One of the men had red hair and beard with scars covering parts of his face and forearms; he was the one who was angry at the fact that their car must have broken down while the two other men stood around letting the redhead vent. One of the other men was dressed in very luxurious clothes and had many tattoos covering his arms and hands, and he also sported a beard. The other man had his hair in a bun, wore yellow-tinted glasses, and looked to be trying to calm the scarred man.

Serah was still in a daze by watching the men that she hadn't realized that the men had noticed her house, and one of them was making their way to her front door. The sudden sound of knocking on her door startled Serah out of her daze and she quietly made her way to the front door. When she made sure her little latch lock was in place, she opened the door slightly to greet the man with the tinted glasses and man-bun.

"Hello my child, my name is Joseph, and my brothers and I happen to be in a bit of a predicament. It seems our car has broken down and we don't know how to fix the issue, would you happen to know of anyone who knows mechanics?" The man said.

Serah blinked for a few seconds, registering what he had said.

"Oh!" You looked at your little wristwatch to see that the time was now 4:30 in the afternoon and that the closest mechanic store is at least 45 minutes away and closes at 5 o'clock. "Um, the closest mechanic is nearly an hour away, and they'll be closing soon, so you won't be able to see them until tomorrow."

"That is quite alright. I also saw that this loving ranch was a 'Bed & Breakfast', would my brothers and I be able to seek refuge here for the night until one of us are ready to walk into town?" Joseph gestured to the two other men still standing by the SUV who were looking at them from afar.

"Oh, of course! And because of your circumstances, I won't charge you; I'd feel bad if I did. Save your money for when you get your car fixed." Serah gave him a warm smile, unlatching the lock on the door and opening it wide.

Joseph motioned for his brothers to come forth while he continued to talk to you.

"That is very kind of you, my dear. May I ask, what is your name? It's silly of me for not asking our host's name."

She then made way for the three men to enter her house and they huddled in the open space living room.

"My name's Serah, and I'll be your host. I've got some chicken and corn soup that's just settling and will be ready to serve. I also have spares bedrooms upstairs if you'll follow me!" Serah led the three men to the rooms and let them choose a room for themselves while also being introduced to the two men, John and Jacob.

Jacob was the eldest Seed brother while Joseph was the middle child, and John being the youngest. Jacob served in the army and was a hardened soldier; John used to be a lawyer while Joseph claims to be 'The Father'. He preached about the gifts of God and how God would occasionally speak to him or give him visions about 'the Collapse'. Serah was never really religious; she never cared for religion but never stopped anyone who did. She politely listened to Joseph talk about this 'Project at Eden's Gate' and how he and his brothers have come to Hope County to save as many people as he can before the collapse because that is what God has told him.

Serah started to serve the Seed brothers the soup when John spotted Alpine walk into the dining area.

"Oh, and who is this little guy?" John asked while petting the white feline.

"That's Alpine; he was a stray when I found him as a kitten. He was so small and malnourished, but he stole my heart the second I saw him. He's my little fur baby." Serah picked Alpine up into her arms and cuddled him for a bit.

The four of them ate, Joseph and Serah doing most of the talking, John contributing now and then while Jacob grunted in acknowledgment. Joseph talked more about Eden's Gate then asked where would be the best place to buy a property big enough to host sermons for him and his followers or 'children' as he called them. Serah answered as many of Joseph's questions but told them that they would have to see sheriff Whitehorse about getting a license to carry when John asked about that.

When dinner was over, Serah grabbed all the empty bowls and was prepping to wash them when John stopped her.

"Please, you've cooked and let us rest for the night for free, the least we could do is wash the dishes. Go and relax, dear."

Serah gave him a sweet smile, nodded, and thanked him before heading for the living room to read a book. Jacob seemed to already have worked out the TV remote, and he and Joseph were flicking through the channels. The sat in silence with only the noise of the dishes being washed in the kitchen to fill in as background noise. The rest of the evening went by with small talk and watching whatever is on TV before the Seed brothers and Serah bid goodnight to each other at around ten.

As Serah was about to enter her room, she was stopped by Joseph yet again.

"I'd like to thank you again, Serah. It seems God has led us to you, and to be blessed with your kindness and hospitality. Hopefully, in weeks to come, we'll see you again. Goodnight, dear." With that, Joseph went into his room, leaving Serah in the little hallway who was touched by his words.

As Serah did her nightly routine and hopped into bed, she had a nightmare of an explosion and the world on fire.

Thank you for reading this short chapter!

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eyeslikefoxglove · 4 years

Text

Episode 21 - The PTSD is strong with this one & we need more braincells

Hello hello! Welcome to the commentary. How’s everyone? I’m frozen solid because it’s mid-June in Spain and yet we had 11°C yesterday. Fucking awesome!

I AM NOT WEARING MASCARA SO I CAN CRY ALL I WANT. I DONT KNOW IF THATS GOOD OR BAD THO.

Can I just take a second to appreciate how much this big strong powerful men emote? I mean, I know this isn’t western media where the tough guy can’t show emotions, and I don’t know that eastern media has the same hangups about men emoting but just... it’s so refreshing.

Huaisang bb you’re so sweet.

Oh, oh the PTSD is strong with this one.

Also, bless both JC and NHS, they absolutely noticed WWX flinch and, in their own ways, went and steamrolled over it so WWX wouldn’t feel scrutinised.

WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST TO INFORM YALL THAT I GOT A KITTEN ON MY LAP. (She’s kneading my boob, which, ow, but...)

*BICHEN GRIIIIIIIP*

How do y’all think the guards go deliver bad news to WRH? Like do they paper-rock-scissor it? Draw straws?

NMJ did you have to?

And once again I wonder what would’ve happened if JFM had let sect leader Yao kick it.

Ughvhfnevus it’s this clown. Same as with Su She, if you see a bunch of screaming it’s just me not wanting to listen to Jin ZiXun.

The Nies: let’s throw a banquet to honour WWX’s return

Every asshole there: *gossips about WWX while in the room with him*

Once again I wish I could transmigrate (and speak mandarin lol) and just start delivering tongue lashings.

Listen, I have no idea how to play Guqin, but I did play the guitar for years and even from here I can see how much YiBo’s hands don’t match the melody. Nothing against him but why does this always happen? I know they got classes, so was the music not written by that time or something? Because one thing is not hitting the correct notes, another is plucking slow notes when the tempo is much faster.

JC: Since yours and LWJ’s unhappy separation...

My dumbass: do you mean breakup? *eyebrow waggle*

You will pry my “JC knows his brother is pinning after LWJ, he probably doesn’t want to know anything else” hc out of my cold dead hands thankyouverymuch.

WWX: *spouts a bunch of misdirection to avoid giving JC a straight answer*

JC: Bull-fucking-shit.

Should I count how many times WWX PTSDs all over the place or would you like me to leave your hearts intact? That’s two so far.

Ok ok, I feel that, if someone with a bit less trauma and a bit of insight (NHS maybe?) had seen the bit where ChenQing fucking hurts Shijie thing would’ve gone differently. I mean, yes, LWJ keeps warning WWX that this shit is gonna fuck him up, but as I said in my previous commentary LWJ also has the communication skills of a hermit crab so that wouldn’t work, and JC would be too wound up and WWX too busy trying to conceal his lack of golden core for that conversation to go anywhere. But if someone who WWX knows is a good egg (I’m not gonna say trusts bc paranoia) had sat him down and told him “your new instrument that you use for your new form of cultivation just hurt the person you love most please be careful when you use it.” I think it would’ve worked wonders towards his health overall.

I know Shijie says it’s like Zidian, but she’s not working with the fact that this thing is made for and by the Dark Side of the Force and I’m sorry but I can’t help but see ChenQing as a bit of a horrocrux almost. Or like, if you like me think the Burial Mounds is an Entity, something that’s a bit more sentient that it lets on.

Speaking of reputations and NHS being a good egg, I have oh-so-many ideas (I won’t say plot bunnies because I can’t write for shit) in which NHS for Reasons (time-travel? Letter from the future? His massive brain?) realises just how much damage WWX is doing to his public image. And he might be a sheltered dandy, but he saw what being the son of a sex worker did to Meng Yao despite how hard he worked (I’m assuming he doesn’t know about the whole betrayal business). This is way fucking worse, like hell is he going to let one of his best friends paint a target on his back. So he pulls back his sleeves, engages his slytherin brain and proceeds to lay down a plan to throughly destroy WWX’s reputation as a powerful genius.

I’m guessing LWJ and JC protest, and maybe WWX, and NHS just hits them with “do you want him respected or alive?” And they shut tf up. He glues himself to WWX, and brings up as many instances in which their behaviour can be compared as he can (we got drunk and punished at cloud recesses, we slept in class, we skipped to go fishing, I don’t carry my sword either). And, because assholes be assholes, people like Sect Leader Yao or Clown Cousin are quick to start spouting their own derogatory bullshit and thus WWX the untamed powerful prodigy dies a fiery death. Now he’s just a mouthy kid with a quick mind that “does tricks instead of battle” (I’ll never get bored of using that Thor quote). I also like to think that people who personally know WWX and are not pieces of shit go give NHS a tongue lashing for messing with what they thought was his friend, NHS takes that as a test of good eggness and bring them into the plan. Soon the whole Cloud Recesses class is swearing up, down, left, right and centre that all the shit WWX has ever successfully pulled is just an insane amount of luck and quick thinking.

I don’t know how would they work him into the battlefield (disguise? Mask?) to unleash his demonic cultivation but that’s Plot and I don’t do that.

Also, because I’m a terrible human being I want to say that people assume LWJ is on “pretty but useless” WWX like white on rice because *insert derogatory comment about being good in bed and sexual favours*. Because y’all know the assholes here are Like That. And WWX is horrified because holy fucking shit he’s gonna drag LWJ’s reputation down, he can’t have people thinking HGJ is ok with having him as a concubine pretty much. But before he can act LWJ politely all but confirms that yeah, he’s tapping that, y’all wish you were but he doesn’t share and none of y’all are good enough for his Wei Ying anyway. CUE FAKE/PRETEND RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I AM INDEED TRASH FOR THAT TROPE.

Muahahahaha y’all thought I was gonna devolve into my personal hcs and not include my fave trope? Shouldn’t y’all know me better by now?

(Btw I like this bit ^ so I might polish it a little and post it separately as well, just a warning if you find yourself reading an eerily similar post by me)

WuJi is playing and LWJ is pining so much. Also, if LWJ did not just realise that, just like Yu the Great, WWX had no other option but tame resentful energy I’ll eat my blanket.

I refuse to believe Jiang Yanli didn’t become the unofficial war camp therapist/sounding board/only sane person/everyone’s mum/I just need a hug and a corner to cry in peace. There are not enough fics about Shijie being her gentle BAMF self while in the camp and it’s a pity. My crops are dying y’all!

Also, I will fight anyone who scoffs at Shijie being the epitome of the “gentle woman who cooks and waits for the men to come back from war”. Look at her mum, do you think it is easy for a kid (she was a kid in the flashback when WWX ran away) to see that day in and day out, to have that as a “role model” and decide that she was not going to be like her mum? That she didn’t like what she saw in her so she was going to be kind and gentle? And do you think it is easy for a person barely in their twenties to deal with years of verbal and psychological abuse for again, being gentle and kind, and not grow a hard shell of bitterness to protect themselves? And to keep being gentle and kind while at war, with your parents dead and your siblings unraveling before your very eyes? Shijie is so fucking strong and I love her.

Hey look, the White Walkers!

“Resentful energy is just energy” ok, valid. But my dude, you’ve got black ghost smoke coming out of you and can hear people screaming in your head. I’m not saying it is evil, like someone’s uptight set in his ways arrogant uncle; but it sure as shit ain’t healthy.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH (that’s a Clown Cousin scream btw)

Ok ok, just one little thing: IF SOMEONE ELSE CALLS WWX WEI YING AS A SHOW OF DISRESPECT IMMA SCALP THEM.

...are those crows eating that man alive? Yikes on bikes.

(Assume my comment about YiBo’s Guqin playing also goes for Xiao Zhan and his flute. I can’t play the flute but the tempo doesn’t match his fingers)

I’m just gonna say it, I think 3zun (well, 2zun as of now) suspect shit went down badly for WWX, that’s two questions by both of them in a very soft conciliatory tone. They are genuinely interested/worried about the topic, and don’t seem to come off as chiding or judgemental. I mean WWX is a weirdo irreverent kid and they’re sect leaders, they outrank him so much it’s ridiculous. I’m also counting the fact that both their baby brothers like him towards them being so kind. But I also think WWX just triggers all their big brother instincts the second he walks in.

Oh there’s a thought, Shijie, Wen Qing, NMJ and LXC take a look at everyone’s shitty parents and just decide to adopt everyone.

What happened at Yiling was a traumatised teenager (is WWX even 20?) PTSDing all over the place with the Dark Side of the Force whispering in his ear and an all powerful trinket at his disposal. Not saying I approve of all the torture and murder but he clearly isn’t revelling in them.

That is some outstanding bit of big-brothering on LXC’s side and I love it. Also, my dumbass just realised LWJ probably wasn’t quoting WWX when he was being punished (what is white what is black?) I think he was quoting his big brother. Which is magnitudes deep too, but in a different direction and I might love that scene even more.

Ok fuck it, I’m gonna tangent. So I had a terrible boyfriend when I was 15-18. He alienated me from my friends, sunk my self-esteem to the molten core of the earth, tried to convince me my parents were abusive and encouraged (aka threatened manipulated and cajoled) the slow tanking of my high school marks. I have A Problem when I see media where someone latches onto their significant other and everything they are shifts towards that person. Now, love, true genuine love, is powerful, and I believe it can be the catalyst for shifting your world-view for the better. I don’t have a problem with that. I don’t have a problem with people sticking with their romantic partner if it is clear their previous “family” is so much shit. I don’t have a problem with LWJ coming out of his shell and defying corrupt precepts because his love for WWX made them see they were wrong, or getting sassy and unrepentant during his punishment (I have a problem with the punishment bc that’s abuse but...). But I do side-eye WangXian being the only thing in their orbit. People need people, and WangXian have other good people around them. So I kind of love that yes, WWX showed him the system was corrupt, but it is the words of his brother he is sticking by to the defy said system.

Let’s go back to our scheduled slew of held pinning glances shall we?

LXC after That awkward run-in: WangJi I wasn’t gone that long, what the fuck did you two oblivious pining idiots do?

(LXC has “bitching” tea sessions with Shijie and you can’t convince me otherwise)

LWJ: *is being dramatic and not knocking on WWX’s door*

Me: oh my god you fucking idiot

Shijie: *walks in*

Me: oh thank god someone with a braincell.

Ah yes, there we go triggering WWX’s paranoia again. Why would he get a break.

OH MY GOD YOU PAIR OF FUCKING IDIOTS. THATS IT, FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUT.

@ LWJ: bitch wtf was that? I know you’re shit at talking but have you thought about writing it down? Letters anyone? It worked for mr. Darcy.

(Yes LWJ is mr darcy and now I want an au where LWJ writes WWX letters and just pours everything in them, WWX finds them, any everything is sunshine and rainbows)

While this bullshit fight/misunderstanding is all on LWJ’s shoulders, I’m also going to scream at WWX. Because yes, he is in PTSD hell, but he trusted LWJ before, and yet he can’t get past his perceived notion of LWJ’s character (and his own inadequacies) to trust him again and ask for help. Plus, you know, he thinks he doesn’t deserve he’ll bc *waves hand at WWX’s trauma conga line*

These episodes can’t be good for my BP.

Thanks for reading!

#the untamed #cql #mdzs live action #mdzs #foxglove watches cql #foxglove watches the untamed #lan wangji #wei wuxian #wangxian #jiang yanli #jiang cheng #yunmeng trio #yunmeng siblings #commentary

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beerecordings · 4 years

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Selkie Night

Yeah hi so you know how I was apologizing like six hours ago about how I hadn’t had any writing for you lately? well then this happened because i can’t phucken sleep dudes ahhhhh

ANYWAy it’s okay because I got this written in like three hours. and i actually kind of love it??? dude i mentioned my selkie Chase headcanon ONCE (1nce) today and then this sidelines me out of nowhere. i’ve literally never planned to write anything about this it was just like “hehe what if Chsae.... were SELKIE” but anyway here it is and it kind of rocks my socks off I love it. as a side note, I did take some liberties with selkie lore. don’t know what the most common beliefs are, these are just based on the stories I know of. I think most selkie stories are about falling in love with humans, but in this one Chase and Stacy are both selkie.

trigger warning for some mild suicidal ideation, okay? but don’t even think about fussing at me about the nudity in this fic it could not possibly be less sexual. There is an abrupt start tho lolll

And HEY -

I hope you enjoy :) Thanks for reading, my friend.

He tears off his clothes as he runs, pulling his shirt over his head, tugging his pants off mid-stride, stripping until, by the time his bare feet are pounding against wet sand instead of dry, he is naked except for the coat he carries.

The wind rushes across his head, stroking back his downy hair warmly, and the sandy earth beneath his feet is calling to him – stay, stay, brother, child, on this side of the water, where the men make their homes, and the tide keeps its distance. Here you have made your dwelling for so many years. Here you have spoken, loved, eaten, drank. Here you must stay.

No, no. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters but them.

“Stacy!” he screams, as his feet find the harsh plastic of the dock. “Stacy! Sorcha! A chuisle mo chroí!”

He runs, runs, runs towards the end of the dock, runs towards the roiling black waves of the ocean, pulling his coat over his shoulders. Ah, its weight on his back! Its warmth! How long has it been? Tears streak his face like stars the night sky, and then he is at the end of the dock, and he does not stop, he does not pause, does not allow himself even a moment of doubt before he leaps, graceful as a swan, and his body curves beautifully into a dive he has performed a thousand times before, and when he plunges hands-first into the frigid expanse of the great dark water, he is no longer a man.

Ah, to be a seal again!

For a moment, Chase can only dive on, deeper into the water, the suddenness of the transformation leaving him, as always, momentarily numb, momentarily taken over, the thoughts of a man doing their best to drift out of his head. He twitches his long whiskers and swims down through the water, now comfortably cool against his smooth, heavy skin and fat, and no longer so dark with eyes as dark to match. His black-and-white-dappled body cuts easily through the waves, carrying him farther, farther out to sea, away from the noise and the light and the smell of men, away from the other part of himself. Ah, he drifts. He drifts.

He is far away now. Far away from men. As if he is not one of them.

Focus, Chase, something in his head insists, and he shakes his snout, heading back towards the surface of the water for a breath of air. Focus, Conchobhar.

Bottling out of the water, he peers around in all directions, snuffling at the air for a smell of his mate and his puppies. He turns his head West and takes off again, swift as a seal, determined as a man. One broken heart sitting in the middle of his chest, no matter the form he takes.

The cliffs of the next town over appear off in the distance as he swims, bringing with them plentiful places to rest. Scattered across rocks and outcroppings, he smells for signs of his family, the vibrations in the water warning his whiskers if anything stirs that might be them.

A familiar smell – Sorcha? Pups?

No. Other selkie, a trio of them, mixed in with the seals. Maybe they have seen them.

He barks an anxious greeting from a few feet away, enough to rouse them with worried barks to answer him – predators? Hunters? Boats? Is all well, brother? Is all well?

Despairing, he yelps back at them. No predators. Just pain. The seals snuffle back to sleep, but the selkie are alerted, pushing past the others to slip into the water with him. Soon, they are circling him in friendly greeting, barking. He does his best to swim with them, exhausted by his grief. Eventually, he pulls back his hood from his head, and he is a man again, kicking his legs in the water, keeping his head afloat with ease. He was, quite literally, born swimming, and with his coat on, he will not be cold for a long time.

“What's the matter, brother?” asks a brown-skin selkie, drawing back her hood and surfacing with lengths of long, unkempt hair floating lovely on the water around her. It has been a long time since she was a woman. “Do you need someone to swim with?”

“Here is a place of safety,” offers a second, a man twice Chase's size, with a smile warm as the beach in the summer. “Would you like to come lie down?”

“Please,” he croaks. His voice is the backbone of a fish, fragile and thin. “My mate has taken her coat back from me and come back to the water with my children. Please, have you seen her?”

The other selkie exchange worried looks.

“Perhaps we ought not to tell you,” frowns the third selkie, circling Chase slowly, her hands cutting through the water. Her white body gleams in the moonlight on the surface of the ocean, covered only by her heavy seal-skin coat. “If she took her coat back, I wouldn't guess that she wants to be reunited with you.”

His tears mix with the salt of the sea. “I know, I know. But I have to see her again. I need to understand. Please, my heart is shattered. If she wants to go, I have never kept her coat from her, but I have to see my pups again.”

“Look, he is to be trusted,” insists the first, swimming closer to Chase's side and touching the coat wrapped around him. “If she was afraid of him, if he were to hurt her or her babies, she would have stolen his coat, so she would have been safe from him. Isn't that so? She has given you a chance to see them again yet. Poor brother, don't cry.”

“We did see them,” offers the second, pointing out farther up the coastline. “Or I would guess that was them. A grey-coat female with a pair of pups alongside her. She ought to be careful. It can be dangerous territory out there where the black-and-whites roam. No humans, though. They can't get their boats out there because the water's so shallow. Not good fishing for them.”

“Yes,” breathes Chase, simultaneously relieved and exhausted by the news. “Yes, that sounds like them. That sounds like somewhere she would go.”

He reaches for his hood again, turning towards his family. “Thank you so much. I'm sorry to have woken you.”

“It's nothing, brother.”

“We look out for our own. We're glad to help.”

“Yes, we can sleep any time. Life is good here. Hey, listen.”

Chase is already a seal again, but he pauses, his great dark eyes turning back to them.

The others all have pity in their eyes. Pity and worry and warmth.

“If you don't find her,” calls his brother. “Or if she won't have you, you can come back here, okay? We live well. The water's never too cold and the fish are never too fast. The smell of men will wash off you in a little time, and next season more of our sisters and brothers will come to see us, and you can settle down again with new pups. Okay?”

Chase doesn't know how to answer that. He knows it is not something that can be. There is no other family for him than one he loves now. There is no other home for him than that which he built amid men. But he gives them a sharp, grateful bark, turning his smooth body back into the waves.

“Don't swim alone,” he hears one call, as he slips away.

Ah, but he had almost forgotten the brotherhood of selkie.

Knowing that he is headed towards them invigorates him, and he remembers soon enough his old speed. He was always small for a seal, he knows, but he is quick as the froth on the waves, cutting through the water with the speed of a motor on the back of a man's boat and the familiarity of a creature who has belonged to the ocean since the day his mother bore him. He almost loses himself in it – it's so easy to start thinking like a seal again, to be distracted by fish and exciting waves building up in the distance, to snuffle against the sand looking for shiny shells, to find a safe rock to drag himself onto and fall asleep on in full seal form, abandoning the guise of a human. It's true, he could give up everything he's built for so long now and crash back into the familiar arms of the ocean. Live among his real people instead of pretending to be human every day.

But the thought of them always brings his focus back.

The moon is dipping down by the time he finds them, but still the darkness surrounds them, and not even the earliest fishers are rising from their sleep. And there she is on the water, as perfect as the day he met her. Silver in the moonlight.

He knows she feels his vibrations coming from a mile away, but she does not turn or stop, only continues her slow, gentle swim back towards the shore. Speeding up beside her does nothing to change her either. He recalls his pace and finds his rhythm beside her, and the two of them are all but floating through the waves, caught in the exact same tide, side-by-side.

It's almost like the old days. They were so young. Too young, maybe. Most humans would say so. He didn't know that at the time, but she did, and still she took him in, called him her own. Gave him her coat on the day of their wedding without hesitation and kissed his when he handed it over, like it was holy, like it was sacred.

His freedom. His being. His love. All of it held there in her arms.

She promised to protect it, and he, in turn, fell to his knees at her feet, and clutched her coat to his chest, and swore to her on everything that he was, in a tongue not fully human, that no harm would ever come to the seal-skin in his arms.

She cried for love of him. He kissed her with salt on his face. He never meant anything more than the promise he gave her that day.

But here they are.

The silence between them has gone cold.

He gives a rough, desperate bark, begging her to say anything, to do anything, to give him anything. She offers a small chirp and nothing else, until at last they are lying side-by-side on the shore of the beach.

He draws his hood back first. Finally, she pulls hers back too.

Long black hair, heavy with water, piles in the sand at her head. Huge dark eyes stare at him in the darkness. Her moonlight flesh is familiar to him. He could reach out and touch her, but he won't. She no longer wants him. He will never touch her again. Not her skin, not her coat, perhaps not even her children.

Tears course down his cheeks.

“I'm sorry,” she whispers. “That I left so suddenly.”

“Fuck,” he answers eloquently, wiping tears from his face. “Fuck, Stacy. How could you have just – how could you just – and to take the kids – I got home and their coats were gone and I thought maybe someone had stolen you, I didn't – without even telling me...”

He trails off, swallowing back another sob. He wishes she weren't so calm. Hell, he can't even tell if she's paying attention. She's already drawing her mind away from the land. Giving herself back to the ocean.

“My name,” she murmurs. “Is Sorcha.”

He sighs, sitting up and shaking his head. “Okay,” he says. “You picked Stacy for yourself when we moved into the world where the men live, but sure. Sorcha.”

“And yours is Conchobhar.” She stares up at him. “Or it was, when I married you.”

He rubs at his beard, tamping down a frustrated hurt that burns like fishing netting around his chest.

“I like Chase better.”

“I know,” she says. “We no longer want the same things.”

“That's – Sorcha, that's supposed to be something you figure out when you're married, not something you leave them for. Not something you take their pups away for. How could you do this to me? You don't – you don't understand how much this hurts.”

He's crying in earnest now, clutching his coat close around him.

“Maybe I could have stayed,” she says. Her voice is velvet waves and he hates it. Where's her ferocity gone? Her passion, her laughter? Does she only have velvet for him now? “But Hunter and Saoirse... that wasn't I wanted for them. To never know who they really are. I couldn't watch them suffocate on the land like that anymore.”

“We could go out to sea more often,” he tells her, and he knows he's begging, but he doesn't care, not anymore. “Every weekend, if you wanted! I can move us even closer to the ocean soon as things start going back to the way they were with my work.”

“Every weekend,” she laughs. “When I was a child, we spent the whole summer and winter in the water. Half the year, Conchobhar, and not the safest or easiest times either. We lived as we were meant to live. Truly in this world. Truly in the water.”

She takes a deep breath and gets up, stepping back towards the water, letting her calves be swallowed up again. “And you, how long did you spend at sea before you even touched a human being? Oh, your work – you're so funny to me, sometimes, that a creature who didn't touch so much as a boat radio until he was at least fourteen chooses to live his life working with cameras and computers.”

Chase can't help but snort out a laugh, shaking his head. Well, she's got a point. He didn't speak anything but an antique Gaelic til he was twelve, and his first contact with a human was nearly getting shot by some pissed-off fisherman. When they were human, they were human with other selkie, and that was all there was. That was all he needed.

“I found what I loved,” he says.

“Attention,” suggests Sorcha flatly, her back to him now. “Money. Approval from strangers. Time with your cameras instead of your family.”

She may as well be a pissed-off fisherman. He's at the wrong side of her gun and, fuck, but he doesn't know how to take blows like this.

“I know I haven't always been perfect,” she says, surprising him. “I realize now that when you began to struggle with – with the depression, I should have done more than ask you to come out to sea. I was thinking of myself, not you, thinking of how scared I was and what I would do and what I needed, and – Chase, that was wrong of me. I know you need real help. I'm sorry I didn't help you get it. I hope you are getting it now. I still want what's best for you. Really, I...”

There's some emotion out of her, at least, but nothing like the crashing ocean she used to be.

She's really made up her mind, isn't she?

She's really gone.

Here on the beach, he's lost her.

He wonders how close the killer sharks he was warned about swim, and the thought makes him laugh. Maybe he should hold off on impulses like that until she's done apologizing for ignoring him the time he confessed to her that he couldn't help but want to die, resting his head on her stomach while she stroked his hair and promised him everything would be okay, a baby wrapped up in seal-skin asleep on the mattress beside them.

“I can't live like that anymore, Chase. Can't be away so long. Can't let my pups be away so long. I was happy to go with you to live like mostly normal human people. I was happy to help you follow your dreams. But you've lost your sense of reality. You've lost your sense of yourself. And somewhere in the hunt for what you want, you pushed me and Hunter and Saoirse under the waves behind you.”

“Fuck, Stacy – Sorcha, please, don't say that. I love them so much.”

She turns to him, fair as a star, shining in the moonlight. She's like something out of a storybook, he thinks, and not just because of the shape-shifting.

“I know,” she answers. “But not enough to change.”

And if there's truth to that, well. He doesn't have an answer. And if it's false, then what can't be changed is her mind, and she is lost to him.

“We're heading North,” she says. “Unless you're coming with, you won't be able to find us again for some time.”

“Will you be back next season?” he manages.

Turned away from her now. Can't meet that light in the eyes.

“Yeah. Yes, of course. We'll come by.”

“You swear it?”

“Yes.”

“You've broken your promises before.”

“I know.”

“Can I see them one more time?”

She turns towards the water and her gaze allows Chase to see them at last – two little bodies circling sleepily around beneath a rocky outcropping, safe as pearls in the hiding spot their mother found them.

“Yeah,” she says. “If you go with your coat on. I've always wanted them to see you with your coat on. She's starting to look just like you, you know... When was the last time you saw her with her coat on?”

He is already slipping away, wearing his seal form again.

Hunter is afraid of the disturbances in the water at first.

It's bigger than his mother, whatever's coming. It's fast and it's headed right towards him.

He pokes his head up out of the water, chirruping anxiously for his sister. She comes up after him, curious, floating lazily around on the water, and then, a moment later –

She lets out a high-pitched seal yip and streaks through the water towards her father.

Chase pushes their faces together in a kiss greeting and circles with his little girl, stunned by how easy she keeps up, by the shine on her healthy young coat, and Sorcha is right, it's just like his own, dappled black and white, with the blond patch on her tiny, whiskered snout.

Hunter zips past him a second later, barking and bumping into him again and again, a tiny chunk of seal blubber and affection. Chase bursts into yelping laughs and breaches with his pups, splashed again and again by Hunter slapping his fin on the water.

Tiny arms wrap suddenly around his neck and Saoirse is there with her hood drawn back, giggling and kicking in the water, her coat around her shoulders. Chase draws back his hood too and carries her to the rocks, scooping up Hunter too, and clutching both of his children as tightly as he can to his chest, kissing at their soaking hair, at their beautiful little faces, at first one hand, then the other, with all ten tiny, tiny almost-human fingers.

“I love you,” he whispers, again and again. Hunter buries his face in his collarbone, stroking at the ends of his hair. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

“I love you too, Daddy!” Saoirse sobs, and it's only when he realizes that his daughter is crying just from hearing him say it that maybe Sorcha was right about everything after all.

He has to let them go.

He crumples to his knees on the sharp stones of the outcropping, and the last part of his heart shatters clean in half.

The moon stares down at them. She's a tired old stone and she's watched a great many tides come and go, just like this one. He’s not the first seal to die beneath her gaze.

“Chase?”

The clean sand of the beach washes up its morning collection of shells and rocks, and with it comes a young man in a red hoodie, with a backpack thrown over his shoulder and utter terror in his eyes.

“Chase?” he repeats, louder. He's the second person today to sprint down this beach, shouting for the person he's lost.

“Chase, are you here? Man, please answer me! Chase, you're scaring me! Chase Brody, hello?”

Swearing under his breath, Jackie continues down the white expanse of the beach. He'd be ticked to have to be out here running around at six in the morning under most conditions, sure, but when he came home last night and found Chase's room empty – and worse, his coat gone –

“Chase!” he hollers, tears burning in his eyes. “Chase, Chase, where are you? Don't be gone, bud, please don't be gone...”

He knows he's been suicidal. He knows he's been acting reckless. He knows. But just – please, God, don't let his friend have just disappeared, don't let him just be gone. Jackie will never know if he went back to the ocean or something worse, and he can't bear that, he can't –

“Chase!” he cries, relief flooding down his chest. “Chase, is that you?”

A moment later, he's afraid again. The little figure on the beach, curled up beneath a black and white coat, does not move when he calls his name.

“Hey, hey, buddy, are you with me?” Jackie falls to his knees beside him, and, oh, thank God, it really is Chase, little blond tuft poking out at the top of his hair and all. Jackie presses his fingers beneath his chin, searching for a pulse.

“Jackie?” mumbles Chase, blinking open reddened eyes.

“Oh, Chase,” breathes Jackie, scooping him up into a hug so tight Chase's coat might just decide to become one with his skin again. “Holy shit, Chase, I was – you scared me a little, haha, you were just gone, and I was scared you might have done something stupid, or – or – oh, I don't know. It doesn't matter now. Are you okay?”

Chase sniffles and drags his coat in close again, trying his best to push himself up on shaking arms. His face is as white as moonlight, his lips blue as blood from sleeping on the cold beach without blubber to keep him warm. His knees are soaked red, scored with deep cuts.

“Poor guy,” soothes Jackie nervously, trying to be gentle, pushing his wet hair out of his eyes. Chase has told him that being in his other form can be like a whole different mindspace – maybe, in his head, Chase is still out there at sea. “Chase, can you hear me okay? Are you alright?”

Chase just shakes his head, squeezing his eyes tightly shut.

“Oh, buddy. What happened?”

“Stacy,” he chokes out, in a voice raw with crying. “T-took Hunter and Saoirse.”

“Took them? You mean someplace other than staying with her sister?”

Hot tears course down Chase's cheeks, watering the damp sand beneath his head.

“Took them out to sea,” he whimpers, hiding his face in his hands. “Took them out to live like real Selkie, like she always wanted.”

A cold sort of horror hurts its way down Jackie's chest.

“Shit... Chaser, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, man.”

Sniffling, Chase stares with reddened eyes out at the ocean and shakes his head, biting down hard on his lip.

Jackie rubs his shoulder patiently for a long few minutes. Focus on that, Chase. Try to calm down.

The tide draws closer and closer, sighing against the sand. Seagulls circle lazily overhead, searching for scraps. This world he used to know so well is still in harmony, like it always was when he was young.

It just doesn't need him anymore.

Maybe he was the one that walked away from it, but he doesn't know how to go back now, and, with his wife and his heart-lights gone, all the ocean has done to him is take.

“There's something I want you to know,” he croaks out, turning to meet Jackie's eyes.

“Yeah, man. What is it?”

“My real name,” he says. “Is Conchobhar.”

There's a slight pause from Jackie above him, but his voice is still calm when he speaks. Calm and sympathetic. Trying so hard to be there for him. Everybody always is, and he's always too broken to be fixed by it.

“Okay, Conchobhar,” he says. “Is that what you want me to call you now?”

Chase licks at the salt on his dry, cracking lips, huddling down under his coat.

“No,” he whispers finally. “Just wanted you to know. Just... wanted someone to remember.”

Jackie's hand claps down on his shoulder again. “Okay, buddy. I'll remember. Course I will.”

“Thank you. Jackie. Thank you. I don't deserve a friend like you, I don't deserve – I'm such a mess, and a screw-up, and I think I'm losing it, man, I think – ”

“Hey, hey, sh, sh, Chase, it's okay. It's okay. We're going to figure it out. We're going to figure this out, I promise. We can talk all you want when we get home. But first order of business is getting your naked ass off this beach before the tourists show up, okay?”

Chase laughs shakily, reaching up to clutch at Jackie's hand on his shoulder. Ah, but even the touch of him is different. His hands belong to the earth. His hands belong to mankind.

Chase is going back with him.

“I brought you clothes since your coat was gone, figured you must have gone swimming. Here, get some pants on. There you go. Fuck, aren't you freezing? Here, a shirt, and why don't we tuck that coat away, you aren't exactly inconspicuous. Don't want anyone starting any rumors about selkie in this area, man... Imagine what the fans would say. Bro Average, more like... fuck, I have a seal pun on the tip of my tongue, I can't find it. Come on, so. Poor bud. Come here, I'll help you. You're exhausted.”

Chase lists obediently against his friend's chest, letting Jackie wrap a reassuring arm around him. He can almost feel Jackie's anxiety, can almost feel Jackie's fear, but the thin cloak of humor and steadfastness he wraps around it is grounding, and he doesn't want to look through the curtain right now.

“We're going to look after you,” Jackie promises, once they're inside a cab and heading back to his place. Chase is slumped against the glass of the window, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. “Me and Marv and Henrik. And you can finally meet my buddy Jameson. Remember I told you about the demi-fae I've been getting tea with? You're going to love him, guy's an absolute legend.”

“Mmh.”

“You can stay with me and Henrik long as you want, yeah? Forever, if you want to. Going to go home and patch up these poor knees of yours and get you all warm and dry. You'll tell me everything that happened and we'll get it all worked out. Yeah? We'll all look after each other. And we'll all be healthy and cared for and safe, how about that?”

And if Jackie's voice cracks a little on the word 'safe,' and he suddenly has to look away with those last words, well, Chase doesn't care. He lets Jackie drone on as enthusiastically as he can manage, watching his friend's leg bounce nervously on the seat beside him as the empathetic grief rows over Jackie's chest. The ocean slips along past the car, visible over high green hills, sparkling like diamond in the sun.

Chase turns away from it.

His heart is broken.

He doesn't want to be Selkie anymore. All it's brought him now is hurt.

He goes back to Jackie's place and falls asleep in his bed before Jackie is even finished tucking him in. Jackie brings his backpack in and sets it in his own room, almost forgetting about the seal-skin coat tucked away inside, already focused on getting his home ready to keep Chase safe and well and recovering.

Chase doesn't ask for it back.

#mythology au #selkie chase #tw suicidal ideation #chase brody #writers of jack #bee writes #k i'm going to bed lmao #selkie

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golbrocklovely · 4 years

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the chosen daughter // colby brock - chapter nine

A/N: hey yall sorry it’s been a hot minute since i posted a new chapter of this story. i’ve been really unmotivated to write but i’m finally in the mood again and so i finished this chapter and i plan to write out some more of some of my other stories too. so hopefully i can post another chapter soon, no guarantees tho. hope you enjoy this chapter! let me know what you think :)

story description

taglist: @far-to-many-bands , @idfk-tbh-oops , @muted-mayham , @ughwhyislifesohard , @justtanerd , @ashyoungxblood , @cmburgos

trigger warning: cursing, mentions of: wound, fighting, vampire powers, blood

word count: 1594

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After the Caleb incident, it was hard to get back to my regular life. Staying at the Trapp Haus became a nuisance: not being able to sleep between the hours of nine P.M. to two A.M., the constant cases Sam, Colby, and Jake would take caused them to really never be home, my job being far enough away that commuting was a bitch, and the fact that Kat was staying over more frequently since her and Sam had gotten together.

I wasn't sure why but Kat was extremely standoffish towards me. Ever since we both felt that spark or shock, it's like she's tried her best to stay clear of me, which is hard to do in such a small apartment.

Plus, I've been having dreams about her. In them, I see her using powers, but not the one she has. She's almost like a witch, casting spells and saving us. We're always fighting something, but I can never tell what it is. It's always just a black blur but it kills us off, one by one, leaving me last.

So... moving out of the Trapp Haus was probably the best decision for me.

After a week of not seeing everyone, I decided I had to go back. I needed to know what was happening with Cyrus. I hadn’t seen or heard anything about him so I wondered if maybe he left, or disappeared for good.

As I entered the apartment, I saw Colby and Mike sitting on the couch. They both looked up at me, Colby standing up first. “Oh good. We were just talking about you.”

“Don’t you know when you speak of the devil, she appears?” Mike deadpanned.

I sent a glare towards Mike, turning my attention back to Colby. “What do we need to talk about?”

“Mike and I were talking, and we believe that you might be in danger.” Colby’s voice lowered.

“Like more danger than before?” I gasped.

Colby sighed, nodding his head. “Yes. There has been an overall spike of killings in the city, particularly in areas that Cyrus used to hang out in. The difference is… the bodies aren’t drained.”

“Couldn’t that just be a regular killer than and not a vampire?” I questioned.

“It’s highly unlikely. Mike checked out one of the cites earlier today and the body was torn to shreds.” Colby remarked.

“Nothing a human could do,” Mike hid a devilish smirk. “But a vampire… easily.”

“So, it has to be Cyrus. Why though?” I crossed my arms uncomfortably.

“Vampires don’t kill for the hell of it, and to waste that much blood would be stupid. So, most likely, he is putting himself into a bloodlust state. When a vampire barely feeds but keeps killing, he will begin to lose his mind. Once he picks a target and attacks, he’ll be almost unstoppable.” Mike informed.

I sputtered. “He’s doing this because of me.”

Colby moved closer to me. “He’s getting ready to kill you. So that’s why we gotta teach you how to defend yourself. How to fight.”

I took a step back. “Wait, if Cyrus is getting ready to attack me, why hasn't he yet? I've been home for over a week.”

Mike grinned, walking towards the apartment’s front door. “Colby's been watching over you. Like an emo guardian angel.”

My eyes widened, turning to Colby. “What?”

Colby glared at Mike quickly, clearing his throat. “I-um. Sam told me to. Besides, I don't really sleep at night anyway.”

“Whatever you say brother.” Mike responded, opening the door and starting down the stairs.

“Like... every night?” I whispered, glancing at Colby.

“C'mon lovebirds! We're burning daylight.” Mike laughed.

~ \/ \/ ~

“Is there a reason why you guys had to take me to an abandon warehouse?” I questioned.

I glanced around at the dirty building, some windows were smashed out or boarded up. Surprisingly there were lights in the place, but somehow the warehouse was still dark. As we walked into the center of the open space, a table with stakes and needle-less syringes sat next to a punching bag that was badly dented and taped up. Laid out on the ground was a wore-out mat.

“The apartment is too small to fight in. This is where we go to fight and practice.” Colby explained.

Mike flexed his muscles, flashing his fangs at me. “How you think we got this ripped?”

I rolled my eyes. “Right.”

Colby grabbed a stake from the table and tossed it to me. “I want you to square off against Mike. He’s extremely good at fighting, very similar to Cyrus.”

“And… you’re just gonna stand there?” I sassed.

“I’m gonna coach you. Watch what you’re doing and tell you what you can do better at.” Colby stated.

“Alright.” I took a deep breath and walked towards Mike, gripping the stake in my hand. I raised my hands up, staring Mike down.

Mike chuckled. “Come on Jade.”

He began to run at vampire speed, appearing at one random spot of the warehouse and moving to the next, slowly getting closer to me. Finally, he stopped back in front of me, smirking.

“Let’s go.”

For the next hour, Mike and I fought on and off. I would throw as many punches and kicks as I could, but Mike always had the upper hand. Being as fast as he was, it was easy for him to see my next move before even I could. I was getting more and more pissed off, I could feel my heart banging in my eardrums.

I think to some degree this was my advantage.

Mike originally was very playful in how he was fighting, seeing me as an easy target, but as we kept fighting, I could tell something was starting to get off with him. I wasn't sure what it was, but his eyes were dark. Intense.

He looked lost in thought for a moment, and this was my chance to take him.

I elbowed him in the ribcage as he wrapped his arms around my body from behind. I took my foot and put it behind his ankle, pulling him over my shoulder and flipping him onto the ground. With the stake shoved up against his chest, I stared down at him angrily.

"There!" Colby exclaimed. "You got it!"

I turned my head to Colby smiling. I exhaled deeply as I tried to catch my breath, my stance still over Mike. As I glanced back down at him, he yanked the stake out of my hand abruptly, shoving it forward into my side.

I shouted out in pain, covering my side. I fell to the ground as Mike jolted up.

"What the fuck Mike?! What was that for?" Colby hollered.

Mike shrugged. "She needs to learn to keep her eyes on who she's fighting."

"You didn't need to... hurt.. her." Colby trailed off, his voice falling to a whisper.

I stared up at the both of them, their bodies turning towards me. Mike's face changed suddenly. His eyes became crimson in color, veins slowly pulsing down from under them. His fangs extended, his mouth watering. Colby gulped, his eyes slowly doing the same.

I looked at my hand that was clutching my side, blood covering it. The slice from the stake had become a large gash, blood soaking my shirt without me even realizing it.

Mike took one step towards me. Colby grabbed his arm. "Don't."

“What do you mean 'don't'? Aren't you curious?” Mike hissed.

“About what Mike?” Colby glared at my wound, unable to move himself.

Mike retorted. “Why she smells so much better than any other human? Why her blood made Caleb stronger that night? Don't you wanna try some? Don’t you wanna know?”

Colby shook his head. “No, Mike. We're better than that.”

“Yeah but I'm really hungry. And so are you.” Mike grunted.

“Please don't.” I whimpered, trying to back away.

“Why don't we do it? Together?” Mike grabbed Colby by the shoulders. “We don't have to drain her dry, we can leave her alive and just keep getting stronger and stronger whenever we want. Come on, Colby. I know you crave her.”

Mike whipped around towards me again, smirking as he sauntered over.

"No Mike please! Stop!" I pleaded.

Colby jumped in front of Mike, his voice a demonic growl. "Snap out of it!"

He swung at Mike, fist landing into his jaw and launching Mike half way across the warehouse. Mike’s body slammed onto the ground, the noise echoing off the walls. Mike jumped up, staring Colby down.

"Leave. Get something to eat from someone willing." Colby demanded, guarding me.

Mike glanced at me for a moment and then disappeared.

I breathed heavy for a moment, unable to calm myself.

Colby suddenly moved, walking over to the table and grabbing a first aid kit. His eyes landed on mine. His face was normal again, no signs of hunger anywhere.

"Do you want me to patch you up or do you think you can do it?" He asked quietly.

"I-I can do it." I stuttered.

He nodded his head. He stepped towards me again and lightly placed the kit on the ground.

"I'll wait outside for you." Colby motioned.

"Okay." I mumbled.

A silence fell over as neither one of us moved. I exhaled and grabbed the kit as he began to walk away. As I opened it, he spoke again.

"I'm sorry. I wouldn't... have hurt you." He admitted.

I gazed up towards him, my breath suddenly gone. Then in a flash, so was he.

<< CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 10 >>

#colby brock #Mike's dead #colby brock fanfiction #colby brock angst #colby brock vampire #vampire #colby brock fanfic #colby brock fic #colby brock x oc #colby brock story #the chosen daughter

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zendaycoolman · 4 years

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romantic getaway ( zoah )

sumary: after asking her to be her girlfriend, zendaya and noah ( @ncahcentinechq ) take a weekend out in a mountain / beach setting. this is a collectiong of small paras from that trip. triggers: fluffy, smuttish, angst, cursing, relationship starting at its best dudes when: somewhat a month ago.

DAY 01, the bathtub scene

ZENDAYA: "i'm sorry that i slept the most of the way here", zendaya said, after the both of them settled down the things they brought - suitcases, food, utensils and other supplies. she was hopping that he would erase from his mind the image of her snoring lightly clinging to the script for the second episode of euphoria. "i promise i won't keep you awake at night", with that powernap she knew she wouldn't be sleeping that much at night and was aware that noah loved his sleep. outside, it was close to nightfall, but they were both a bit sweaty from the heat and the effort they put on putting the rented cabin-house in order. reaching for a towel to clean her face, z offered another one to her boyfriend. "how about we break out the tub?", she asked, pointing the hotub outside of the glass walls. in the end she didn't wait long for an answer and took off her shirt, revealing her lacy brown bra as she walked towards the door.

NOAH: "You have the cutest little snor I've ever hear" Noah replied with a smile as they both got to settle everything they bought for their long weekend away from reality. It was a much anticipated weekend for Noah, and something he was really in need of, to have her just to himself. "Now that's a promise I want to see being broken" he was an early riser when it comes to the day to day life, and that wouldn't apply to their getaway, the last thing he is worried is with keeping up a schedule. They would eat when they are hungry, and sleep when tired. Uncomplicated. Everything was perfect about the place she choose for them. He was in love with every little details, and his mind was already running wild on how much they could do. At her offer, his brow was quick to raise, as he watched her taking off her shirt. "That plan sounds and looks amazing" Noah declared, taking off his own shirt and going after the brunette, biting down on his lower lip taking a good look at his girlfriend before catching up to her and grabbing her by the waist, pulling her back against his naked torso, planting a kiss on her naked shoulder.

ZENDAYA: kicking off her shorts as she walked, z wasn't surprised when noah pulled her close. she was hopping for it, that this would be how everything is this weekend worked: just them, connected, not thinking about work or anything else but them. zendaya wasn't the most romantic person she knew, but she did had a few things planned. "can i tell you a secret?", she asked, supporting her weight on him when putting her foot inside the warm watter. "i almost didn't booked this place over this tub. whenever i see it i just remember of peter and lara jean making out - then i realized", she was fully inside the water now so she pulled him close too. "that i have noah. which is way better", she wasn't sure about sharing that detail with him, but figured it was a way to show him that she was thinking about him. "but we can't do the make out part tho. we are enemies now, i'm sorry", she shrugged, pulling away from him, splashing some water in his direction.

NOAH: "You can tell me anything" Noah declaree wholeheartedly, feeling a peace of mind that he haven't been able to experience in a long time, now that he thinks about it. He aided her getting into the tub and didnt took long to join her "Oh god no" Noah complained, looking up and a sign of defeat. "I am way better then Kavinsky, and Lara Jean got nothing on you" he then declared, wanting to hold her close, as she pulled away from him, and instant pout formed in his features. "Whyyyyy?" he complained in this baby voice he knows he had a tendency to pull for some reason in the most random occasions. "Let me love you woman" Noah added playfully in tone, but meaning every word, as he splashed her back.

ZENDAYA: "you're noey, way better than peter", nodding in agreement, she got close enough to touch his chest. "DC", she then touched herself on the chest "Marvel", that was probably enough of an explanation for him. "congrats on the role babe", getting closer to him, she put both of her hands on his neck, feeling her body getting used to temperature completly. "actually congrats on everything you have been doing. working, getting new roles, but also for everything happening with favored nations, for being caring, for being patient and most importantly - for rooting for the warriors", and with that, she kissed him for a few seconds. "i guess i'm saying that i'm falling for you noah. i just wanted you to know that", her fingers pressed his skin, trying to show him one more time that she was there.

NOAH: "Thank you, I mean, he's a good guy and all, but I needed to hear that " he grinned at her. "Oh wow" Noah exclaimed, only now getting the enemies reference, as he welcomed her into his arms. "Please, that's literally nothing compared, my girlfriend is a freaking Emmy nominee and I couldn't be more proud." when he first saw the news he started shouting and clapping in the middle of the meeting, getting everyone looking at him as if he went mental, but he couldn't care less. She deserved all the hype she was getting, and he couldn't be more happy for her. At this point it was so damn easy to get lost in the taste of her lips, and how perfectly they were fitting together. "I've fallen for you a long time ago, actually, I'm pretty sure I've fallen for you back in that basketball court, and I can't believe I got this lucky" he declared back, gazing deep into her dark eyes, his fingers brushing small locks of her hair away from her face.

ZENDAYA: "can you believe it noah? I FUCKING DID IT!", the last part was a bit shouted and right now she was happy they were both in the middle of the woods, so no one but noah would actually hear it. zendaya nodded at him, agreeing. "if you think about it, it's kinda weird that from all places, that's where i take you? that basketball court is my sanctuary. i guess i was just waiting for you to come along", all these thoughts were running in her head for a while now and she was glad that there was space where she could say it without being silly. "just don't go anywhere any soon ok?", and after that she leaned for a kiss, a proper one, sucking his lips into hers, trying to make more obvious that she wanted to have him close.

NOAH: "I can believe it because you are that damn talented. You fucking did it!" Noah exclaimed, sharing the same excitement for her achievement, he was really proud of her. "It was meant to be." the brightest smile was now plastered in his face "I will be forever grateful that you allowed me into that court" he added, planting another kiss into the girls month. "I won't, you don't go anywhere either" he pleaded back, before getting lost into her kiss, eager for her taste under his tongue, officially entering paradise.

............................................................ [ 𝕖𝕟𝕕 ]

DAY 01, serial dater, serial worrier

ZEN: "hey babe?", zendaya asked after almost thirty minutes of silence. they were in the backyard, laying down in front of a fire, surrounded by pillows and duvets. it was the end of the day one, after a big dinner and if they kept quiet they would probably sleep there. it was clear that zendaya had something else in mind, tho. "i have a necessary question", she started, reaching for his right hand. the girl was laying on his chest and was kind of glad that she wasn't seeing his face right now. "alex ren. you broke up with her in april right?", the question was sharp, but her voice was soft, having the sound of the campfire in front of them rattling in the background.6 de agosto de 2020

NOAH: "Hum?" Noah hummed as a reply, as he would find himself thinking in anything in particular, enjoying the peaceful evening the both were sharing by the fire. His hands were easily distracted by her hair, he didnt seemed to have enough of it. "A necessary question, alright" Noah gave a little nod. The question caught him off guard, at least at this particular time being. He was ready to have to discuss his past relationship, it was only normal if they were both starting one themselves. "The news of the break up can out late March, we have been drifting apart since the beginning of the year though. We came to terms with it by February." as he was speaking he was putting the timeline together in his mind. Gazing down at Zendaya he brushed her hair behind her ear for the trillion time that day. "What else do you wanna know?" he asked, willing to tell her whatever she might wanted to know.

ZEN: part of her wasn't expecting a honest answer or actually a answer at all. noah wasn't a ordinary boy, drowned in the dynamics that are expected of a male in society, but she was still surprised. raising her hand, she covered the moonlight on her face, trying to figured out what's the next question would be. "that's a few months before we met", she started. "which makes me wonder - am i the rebound? someone to help you get over her? that's okay if it's the case, i just wanna know", zendaya shrugged a little, still facing the sky while laying on his chest. none of them were capable to see each other faces right now and maybe it was for the best. "i'm not mad really, i just wanna know".

NOAH: As Noah realized where she was going with the conversation, despite being a valid doubt, it still hurted him a little. Love is a weird thing, and Noah as this way of living where he jumps right in at every circunstance that life presents him with. His past relations with Alex Ren is one of those circunstances, but as time goes by, there wasn't a real connection, not as lovers nor as companions. It took then a while to figure out that they are better off as friends other then pushing into something that wasn't meant to be. Zendaya on the other hand, he has noticed, is more of the type to think things through, and mesure her steps carefully, so he knew she had to ask him this things. "I see... the shortest way to reply you is that I was over her even before you and I met for that basketball game. So you are by no means a rebound. By the end of 2019 we both started to realize that the whole thing was a mistake. So the break-up was sort of a natural thing and drama free between the both of us until we made it official since we made it public and all." Noah did his best to explain, since he really wanted to make her understand his true intentions and where he is coming from. Specially when he has this gut feeling that... she's the one. Adjusting a little bit his body so he would he more into a seating position rather then laying, he then reached down to place an upside down kiss on her forehead since she ended up still laying on his lap. "There's no one quite like you, and dont you ever think that this that we have going on is anything less valued just because we recently got out of other relationship, something's we cant explain, you just feel." he whispered, gazing at her eyes even with their faces being in different directions and he planted a kiss on her nose. At this point Noah was pretty sure to be in Love with the girl. But the last thing he wanted was to drop the Love bomb right when they are discussing an ex relationship.

ZEN there wasn't many people zendaya talked about feelings. dylan knew what was happening but she tried to downplay as much as possible, so he wouldn't know how lost she was into the questions she had in storage for noah. and lin did told her that she should just straigh up ask anything she wanted to clear, so for him it was more about the relationship itself and not the feelings behind. "right", stopping touching his hand, she scratched the space between her eyes, as if she was processing his words. she was taken by surprise again, now with the forehead kiss. "still, she wasn't the only one. according to the internet and your instagram actually, that's something that has hapenned before. dating someone for a year, then a few months single, then another year dating...", she wasn't ashamed to put out there that she was researching about his past relationships before even asking to him. in her mind she was about to step into a really big commitment, so she needed to know more about it. "i'm not judging. you do you and it's refreshing to know that you go for it. and on my book, it's kinda good - the idea of having an expiration date", in her head, zendaya was being understanding, trying to bind her idea of a relationship to fit noah's ways. and that, to her, was the ultimate proof that she was into him. "there's a lot of people like me", she smiled to show that this was a joke, but his next words made her fell into deep silence, looking at his face after the kiss. she had to take a breath to focus again. her heart wanted to let this conversation go and get back into comfortable silence by the fire, but her brain was too organized to do that. he made her want to be more confident on them and less of a brainer, but what if this was a mistake? "not that feeling anything will actually do us any good", she finally said out loud, her words sounded a bit bitter.7 de agosto de 2020

NOAH: Putting things like that Zendaya didn't really knew how that was something that actually bothered Noah, in all his moments of introspection he wonders what is wrong with him for not being able to keep a long term relationship, and connect at all levels he is so eager to reach, till this day he is still to find out. He stopped the small touches for a moment, picking the right way to reply to her. "The history is there, and I can't run away from the fact that it does look like a patern. Is not something that I'm particularly proud of. I actually wonder-" he stopped himself for a moment, trying to find the right way to put it. "I dont know... maybe I'm the issue you know?" he ended up adding with a sigh. At her next words his heart sank, and a frown took him. "Expiration date?! What the-" he refrained from cursing, but that one caught him out of guard and it made him upset that she found the idea of having an expiration date was a good thing. He slightly shook his head, "That's not how I look into things. And it hurts me when you put it like that... why would an expiration date be a good thing?" as their conversation went on, an unsettling feeling started taking over Noah. He was already way too deep into feelings for her to be saying stuff like that. "What does that even mean?! I'm not following. For you what is even the point of all this then?" as he question he gestured a circle around the two of them as he said 'all of this'.

ZEN: blinking her eyes pretty fast, she took a minute to appreaciate the fact that noah was being honest and putting himself as a possible part of the problem. people often dodged their responsabilities, specially men towards relationships. she could work with someone that was capable to admit mistakes. before z could articulate any further, the mood picked up and now noah was voicing that his feelings were hurt. scrathing her eyebrow, zendaya sat down, knowing that he should able to properly see her eyes for this part. "it wasn't my intention to hurt you, but you have to understand that i have to prepare myself for this", taking a breath, zendaya felt corned now, having to explain how her mind works. it was a constant feeling towards any significant others, having to adjust herself to them. "unlike you noah, i don't put my heart on the line when i feel there's a possibility. you're my second actual relationship, and i had a hiatus of seven years between. i don't do stuff that there's a possibility to end, i'm always in for the win, for the long run, if it's up to me i am not going anywhere", it was clear she was growing unhappy about this situation. this was why she didn't date, cause no one had to understand how she sees the world. "so when i see that you broke up all these relationships it scares the hell of me. make me feel not important, makes me feel like just another one on the list. or worst - that this is not real", taking a breath and looking down, she noticed that she was sitting in lotus position by his side this whole time. "and at the same time i like you way to much to walk away so yes, i have to find having a expiration date a good thing"., suddenly this felt like a weird pivot moment. make it or break it momentum. "it means that not even love can garantee that this will work. ren gave a interview saying that you were the love of her life. two months later you guys ended it.", she shrugged, sure that this was the worst outcome ever.9 de agosto de 2020

NOAH: "Prepare for what exactly Zendaya?" Noah asked, gesturing with is hands. This was important, he knew it was, speaking about the fears that come with giving yourself into someone else, someone new, but it was still hard and complicated to voice his mind and trying not to be too harsh, they had very different ways to see life, and that he knew. " I'm sorry Z, but relationships don't come with instructions, and not one is like the other, ever. You can't bring my past experiences or your past experiences into our relationship, we need to build our own, learn from our past obviously, but not let it define our future." he added, before growing silent again to listen to what she had to say. He was starting to get so confused by her words, but still trying to do his best to understand where she was coming from. He didn't knew she was that long before letting herself into a relationship. So he noticed some big scars there. " I don't know any other way to do this then to put my heart on the line." he declared, in between her speaking. " Who said I broke up all this relationships? And if all this broke ups mean anything is that neither of them were the right one for me, then maybe you are. Fucking god, how I wish that you are! How you can you be afraid that this might not be real? Have I ever didn't seemed present and open to give myself to you? Because that's all I've been trying to do." Noah was trying to make sense in his words, but wasn't too sure if he was being sucessful. " Z, how many times did you expressed your true feelings in a interview? Are you really bringing something my ex said in a interview?" at his point Noah couldn't help a stern expression on his face. " Listen, I can't promisse you that we will forever be together, no matter I wanted to be able to hold such promise. We never know what life throws our way. I do know is that my feelings for you are real, and can't imagine my life with you anymore"

ZEN: tilting her head to hear him out, zendaya was dangling between amazed and concerned by his replies. they were so different, that was clear from the start and she was hopping it meant that they would complete each other, not colide. she also knew that this was on her too, so if she wanted it to work, she had some work on herself to do too. z felt like noah had understood her and now it was her turn to do so."ok. you're right. no expiration date, no promisses, no fears. just us being us.", zendaya finally said, nodding her head. this felt like the second part of the agreement that they did last week when he asked her to be her girlfriend. now this was a real relationship. "if it matters, i want you to be the right one too", getting closer, she slowly crumbled into his chest, asking to be hugged. "just don't let me go".

NOAH: Noah let out a breath he didn't really knew he was holding as she agreed to give them a fair shot really. "It matters a whole lot" Noah whispered, welcoming her back into his embrace, wanting nothing more then to keep her close to him forever. Thankfull to have long arms that were able to properly hug her into him, and still wishing to have some more so he could hold her even more tight. "I won't" he stated, placing a long kiss on the top of her head. "But babe?"

ZEN: "yeah?", she asked, her voice low, as is she was too scared to keep talking and by that make another mistake, or take a turn that would drag into that discussion again. she just wanted to be there, quiet and loved.

NOAH: "Forgive me but I really need to pee..." he finally said, chuckling, kissing her once in the month before standing up. "Start thinking on what you want me to make for dinner, I'm gona be right back" he added, slowly getting up to go to the bathroom.

............................................................ [ 𝕖𝕟𝕕 ]

DAY 02, the first time

ZEN: "so, i was doing some reading", the woman was standing next to top the stairs that led to the only bedroom at the house. noah had just left the shower after they spent the afternoon sunbathing outside. "...on how to garantee that the first time with someone new is perfect", taking a step on his direction he could see now that she had a satin robe on. "they say: lingerie, protection, don't worry about appearance...", as she spoke, she undid the robe, showing her lacy black underwear. "...and don't put pressure on orgasming", she stopped midway on his direction, smiling. "so i have it all covered. IF you wanna do somethinng", she was nervous, it showed, but also there was a hint of possessiveness that he knew by now.

NOAH: With only a towel losely around his waist and casually brushing his hair off with another, Noah raised an eyebrow at the sight that was Zenday before him in her silky robe. He didnt interrupted her line of thought, just dropping the towel he had on his hand, having a feeling he would prefer to have them both free. "What else?" he questioned, even knowing that she would keep going. He did his best not to let his jaw hit the floor when she undid her robe showing off to him her perfect figure in a black lingerie, bitting down on his lower lip, Noah kept closing the distance between the two eager to reach her. "That sounds easy enough... IF YOU wanna do something" two could play this game, and for sure Noah would want to have fun with it, as he stopped right in front of her, brushing her shoulder ever so slightly with the back of two fingers, licking his lips, as he gazed into her eyes, their noses brushing together from their closeness.

ZEN: it was clear that she had thought about this several times. from the conversations where she looked at his lips instead of focusing on the content, or the making out sessions that stopped repeatedly, this moment was highly anticipated. "i came prepared. i ALSO have a poem", raising an eyebrow at him, she was challenging him with his very own weapons. he asked her to be his girlfriend with a poem. she would ask him for this with that too. zendaya then threw the robe on the floor, taking his hands into hers. "let me live or live in me. let me go home or make me your home ...", she whispered at first, giving his small kisses through the process. "get inside me, more than you get in clubs", she placed both of his hands on her ass, teasing him with a smirk after. "break my bed, not my heart ... make me wet, not wip", slowly, she pulls his towel away, dropping it on the floor. "because paradise it's reached when we're on our knees ... but not on a prayer", finally, she pushed him to bed and now she was the one licking her lips, watching the image of her completly naked boyfriend on the light of dusk. "fuck, you're so fucking beutiful", she broke character touching his knees with hers before slowly joining him on bed, climbing on top of his body as her lips went for the most desperate kiss they ever had.

NOAH: "I can see that you did" Noah smiled at her, but was surprised when she said she had a poem, using his own moves against him, he was noticing. He let himself being led by his girlfriend, and as she start on the poem, Noah was done, completely surrending himself to her, every word sending small shivers down his spine, every kiss lightning something inside of him, with his hands placed over her ass Noah didn't think twice before feeling her in his hands, holding her close to him, and even before she pulled his towel from his body he was already naked before her, his lust clear in his eyes, mixed with so much admiration for how she started this moment for the both of them. Letting himself fall in the bed, Noah let out a small chuckle, amazed how she took charge of everything, and was pretty much doing everything he wished he did. But then it wouldn't have been this perfect. "Come here already, and let me make you wet, and never, ever, wip" he reached for her hand and pulled her in, their lips smashing together eager for each other, like never before.

............................................................ [ 𝕖𝕟𝕕 ]

DAY 03, the basics

ZEN: the past few days they feel qucikly into a routine. waking up, eating brunch, then either going to the beach or he convinced her to walk around the woods. at the afternoon they would eat together, watch something, play some game, just enjoying each other until at some point they ended having sex wherever they were at the house. this was the last day and they would be leaving after lunch, so she decided to let noah in bed and make him breakfast. once zendaya managed to get the tray while going upstairs, she smiled at him. "hey noey, morning", she said, putting the breakfast next to him in bed, before giving him a small kiss. "you can eat while i start organinzing shit. you probably tired from last night. sorry not sorry", she shrugged, remembering that they went two rounds more than normal in the past day.

NOAH: Noah was an early riser, but not today apparently. Probably because he knew it was their last day in heaven, and he really wasn't that hyper about getting back to reality. "Morning babe" he mumbled, brushing his eyes with his hands trying to keep them open, before yanning whilst opening his arms wide open. "Not so fast!" Noah held her back as she was getting ready to go on with her plan on packing. "what if you are what I really want for breakfast?" he teased, just wanting to hold her there a little bit longer next to her. "have you eaten already?" he wondered still hugging her down into the bed, he was really just trapping her there, with his arms holding her upper body and one leg over her own legs, as he made her lay there. "I don't wanna go" he declared, and you could listen the pout he was wearing in his voice.

ZEN: to hear him talking like that, hoarse voice in the morning, calling for her, all of that was something the zendaya was starting to wish it was all her mornings from now on. but of course, noah wasn't just going to say, he was going to demonstrate, and all she managed to do before he took her was to get the glass of juice out of bed, so it wouldn't spill. "is that a promise?" she teased back. "not really, focused on doing something for you and forgot" she answered honestly, blowing some of her hair out of her face as she adjusted herself in position. "i don't wanna go either...", that was the kind of thing she would never allow herself to say before, to stimulate a fantasy that would never come true. but this trip proved to her that she could live in a made up world as long noah was holding her. "baaaaabe", now able to see the neck up close, her voice cracked. releasing one hand from the boy's embrace, she touched his skin, now with purple and red tones. "im so so so sorry", she bit her lower lip, already thinking about the shade of foundation she would use to cover it. "i'll get something to cover that for the trip, don't worry", she assured him, tilting her head to check the extent of the hickey on his neck.

NOAH: it was painful the mere thought of having to actually let her go and get on with the day, so greedy Noah decided to just kept holding her for just a little longer, as his mind started to really wake up. a chuckle vibrated through him at her teasing reply. "It can be" he whispered against her ear. "let's have breakfast together then, and be lazy for just a couple more hours, and then we both will get everything packed and ready to go" he sugested, wanting to take everything he could out of these amazing days with her away from reality. "What?" he wondered confused, not sure what she was talking about, as she touched his neck he understood, and memories from last night rushed back into his mind, putting a silly grin to his face. "Why would I want to cover it?" he raised an eyebrow at her, before closing the distance between the two into a kiss, so she would stop over analize the love bite she left on his skin.

ZEN: taking a note to hold that promise against him later, she nodded her head in agreement, trying to move. "babes, in order to eat breakfast you have to let me go", she smiled, giving him another kiss on his chin. "so people won't give you a hard time about it", she said simply, looking at him. suddenly, another grin took over her features. "you know what's my favorite part of your body?", her fingers touched his cheeks. "your scar. i love it. even tho it's covered right now", zendaya caressed his unshaved face, finding him more attractive in this look. "speaking of it, we should cover our basics", at this point, she gave up trying to move and just settled under him, kissing his jaw on the process. "favorite movie, type of music, book, color, food, color, tv show.... tell me yours i tell you mine".

NOAH: "Forgot about that small detail" Noah jokingly pouted, before eventually letting her go for eating purposes, smiling as she kissed his chin, quickly closing the distance between them again smashing his lips on hers. "Yeah, I've grown found of it myself" He said, unvoluntarly reaching with his hand to his chin at the same time she carressed him. "Is the unshaved look girlfriend approved or not?" He wondered raising a brow at her. Grabbing the glass of juice to take a good sip at it, Noah nodded at the idea. "We really should. Feels like we skipped a couple of steps there" he chuckled, at the same time he was already thinking about the questions she already throw in there. "Let's see... Favorite movie is too hard, my favorite rom com is Failure to Launch tho, just music, the type of music depends a lot on your mood, I've been listening a lot to Kina, if you don't know of him you should definitely check that out, book, again, there's a lot, like a lot a lot, but I'm gonna say Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts. All the food. I can't pick. I don't have a favorite color, TV show, Friends." As he replied he was counting it with his fingers, grinning at the end. "You're up now"

ZEN: "i like it cause it's something that should let you traumatized but it didn't", she smiled, reaching for the chopped fruit, having some watermelon inside her mouth as she was kissed. "girlfriend aproved. makes me tickle. don't let it too big tho, i like your face", as she spoke some of the watermelon juice dripped from her lips, quickly cleaning it with the back of her hand. "babe, everyone knows you love kina. you hum it everytime", she laughed, zendaya herself had listen to it in her alone times because of him. "ok - movie is harry potter, i'm into oldie stuff like ray charles. aside of that anything R&B, book... i read a lot about business and biographies. i loved nelson's one. burritos, pizza and ice cream. i know imma die because of it. favorite color is pink, tv show would be handsmade tale", she tried to speak all of that in one breath as if it was a contest, laughing. "ok, next round - give me all the family names", she rose her hand too. "also, one thing that makes you happy, one thing that makes you mad, one thing that makes you sad and one thing that makes you horny", wiggling her eyebrows, she smiled and offered to feed him some grapes.

NOAH: "Oh poor dog got more traumatized then I did" he commented, stuffing some fruit into his month after tasting the watermellon from her month. "I'll see so it won't get too big" he said in tone of promise. "Oh, well it's really good" he chuckled. "Okay, I'm taking notes here. Harry Potter and Ice Cream in emergency situations. Got it. Mandela you mean?" he questioned to be sure concerning the book. "I'm the son of Kellee and Gregory, divorced by the way. And the younger brother of Taylor" he quickly replied. "You have quite the big family, which I find it so excited, but I'm afraid if you start naming them all I will forget a bunch. I just ask you to forgive me for it in advance" he pleaded with a small chuckle. "Meditation, is one thing that makes me happy. Mad? Fake people. Sad, well I get sad over the silliest things, like a song. Not having my girlfriend in arms reach for over a month! stuff like that. There's this black woman recently in my life, she pretty much holds that power, it's not really a thing that will get me going, if you know what I mean" as he said his last words he raised and lowered his eyebrows a couple of times. "What does makes you happy Zendaya Coleman. And everything else."

ZEN: "yeah, but we can't watch it together. dylan would kill me", she pointed that out with a face, nodding to the sides. "but if you show up with ice cream at my door i'll do pretty much anything you ask. and yes, mandela! his life is so inspiring", as he spoke she made a effort not to reach for a notebook to note it down, figuring that it would kill the moment. when he mentioned being sad for not seeing her for a month, she pulled his face and gave him a lil peck. she was specially proud that he acknowledged that she was a black woman in his answer. "my parents, also divorced are claire stoermer and kazembe coleman. kazaa for friends. don't worry, no one can actually remember all my siblings names, but it's katianna, annabella, austin, kaylee and julien", starting to smash a piece of bread, she nodded at him. "ice cream makes me happy, mad would be not being able to succeed in something that i invested time... i get sad over christmas songs for some reason and neck kisses gets me going. if you want to tone me down, touching my earlobe makes me sleepy", shrugging, she smiled. they were nearly done with breakfast, so she looked up at him. "ok, final question: what is your goal in life?", her voice was calm, looking at his eyes as she made the question.

NOAH: "Dylan would kill you? Why am I feeling jealous over harry potter right now?" noah frowned slightly, chuckling. "Ice cream, the key to your heart. Noted. I haven't read it yet, maybe you could lend me the book someday. But for what I know he had an incredible life experience." Noah commented, reaching for a couple of more fruit pieces, and orange juice. As she started to go on and reply to her own questions, Noah just listen, and rejoiced on the fact that she was sharing all this litle things with him, it might seem small, but it holds a great meaning when you are starting to get to know someone. With a small chuckling as she shared the earlobe fact, noah grinned at her. "That's something I will keep in mind" he smiled. "Oh, that's a loaded one." he had to take a moment to think about it. "I think the answer would be... just to be, really. You know? To be present in every thing you do. To be a good friend, to be a good son, a good brother. A good partner. At every step of the way, I just want to give my all in what I do, and have faith that will bring me happiness, and fullfillment. I don't have this specific thing. Of course I want to be sucessful profissionaly, but it's really not everything for me." This was the mess that was Noah's head right there, raw and without making much sense, but it was him, and he was willing to show her just that: him. "What's yours?"

ZEN: "don't even start babe, that's one you won't win", she replied with a mockery smile. as noah spoke back, zendaya quickly picked up the tray and it's belonging so clear the bed. she then sat on her legs, watching her boyfriend talk about his goal. at end, she had a huge smile on her face. "to be happy. i mean, i have loads of professional goals and shit, but i just want to brave enoug to be happy. give up when needed, walk away from people, all the hard decisions you have to make in order to make me and my loved ones happy", shrugging a bit, she was glad that they did this, sharing small things made her feel closer to him. "thanks for sharing noey. it's important to me", zendaya smiled at him again, but soon, snapped out of her silly face "okay, now, i do have a short term goal", benting her body to his direcion and gave him a long peck on the lips, then dragged her lips on his jaw line. "making my boyfriend cum", sharing a smirk, z pushed the sheets out of the bed with her feet to have more acess to him. the energy shifted, and he could see she was in a mission herself.

............................................................ [ 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝔼ℕ𝔻 ]

#( noah c. )#( otp: if i could i'd get you the moon : noah centineo )#( paras. )#( para: romantic getaway. )#THIS TOOK US 16 DAYS TO WRITE lol

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kulaykape · 4 years

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Chap. 1 of CONTRACT KILLER: Oc x Natasha Romanoff

I’m pretty sure this is gonna be the first fanfic I’ve ever posted, and I’m honestly wondering why it had to be one about everyone’s favorite insanely hot ginger (not complaining tho).

This story isn’t meant to take itself too seriously. This first chap. is a bit of a slow start, but their relationship will get off the ground quickly from here, so don’t worry. Thank u, and enjoy! :P

Word Count: 2274

Summary: Jean Holiday is a paid mercenary known as Indigo. Or, in some other cases, ‘SHIELD’s Biggest Pain in the Ass’. And by extension of that, she’s Agent Natasha Romanoff’s biggest pain in the ass.

Although she knows Romanoff is the last enemy she should be fraternizing with, Jean can’t help but to want to get to know her when she catches her at a bar. Romanoff, ignorant to the fact that this charming stranger is actually one of her most begrudged targets, slowly starts to let her into her life.

---Holiday Season---

Takes place a year before the events of 'The Avengers' in 2008.

---

"Agent Romanoff," Coulson greeted the assassin as the doors slid open, and in walked SHIELD's best. He'd called her early this morning, so there'd be less people to get in her way once she was released and sent off. After all, she'd need as much time for preparation as she could get for this next mission.

"Coulson," Natasha replied with a nod, "So. Who is it today?" The assassin crossed her arms over her chest and flitted between Coulson and the hologram board. With an echoey click, an all too familiar masked face popped up on the screen.

The Black Widow found herself staring down a black mask and golden-rimmed glasses that hid eyes that twinkled with amusement. It was a bit of a messy photo, since they'd only been able to capture it through Natasha's body cam on her last go-around with the target.

Natasha let out a groan, and rolled her eyes. The source behind most of her headaches, and all three of her only failed missions' name was splayed offensively across the top of the board.

Indigo. A mercenary for hire. There hadn't been a hit of her's anyone had managed to intervene. Due to such, she was officially one of SHIELD's most consistent and colossal pains in the ass.

"How long have we been after her?" She asked.

"Going on three years," Coulson replied, pursing his lips, "But our boys think they got an inkling on her. Her next target should be," the screen switched to a picture of a man, "James Wagner. The senator of Florida. You're familiar?"

Natasha nodded. "Weren't there rape charges pressed against him just last year?" She recalled.

"Correct. But they were dropped," Coulson replied, watching as the gears in Natasha's head turned. "Interesting, isn't it? None of Indigo's targets have hands bare of any blood. Allegedly, at least." Coulson took a file from the glass table and held it out to the assassin.

"Allegedly," Natasha repeated as she started to skim through the folder. "Well, would you look at that," she drawled, "We know absolutely nothing more about her than we did three years ago."

"Well, we did finally figure out she was female last year," Coulson said with a sardonic smile.

Natasha snorted. "You finally figured out she was a female, Coulson," she said as she closed the folder.

"Whatever," he quickly dismissed, "Anyways. Feel free to use whatever means that are necessary. Dead or alive, it doesn't matter." Coulson leaned forward and opened his mouth like he wanted to go on, but stopped himself short.

Natasha raised a brow slowly. "And…?"

"I'd prefer her alive," Coulson said.

"Of course you would."

"Look, it's your call. But you don't know. We might have another Black Widow on our hands," he said, smiling and giving her the 'huh, huh?' hand gesture like a car salesman.

"In that case, guess I have to kill her," Natasha replied with a crooked smile, tucking the file away. No discount versions of herself would be crawling around SHIELD HQ. Not on her watch. "See you when I get back, Coulson."

"Be careful out there, Romanoff. And good luck."

---

The crowd was big enough that I was well-hidden, but not so large that I couldn't make my escape. Wagner was wrapping up his speech now, smiling and waving at his "fans" as he started down the steps. He'd just made another one of his empty promises to the state of Florida, calling for support and unity. Whether or not he intended to keep it this time around, nobody would ever know.

Ten bodyguards surrounded him. My client had told me to use any means necessary to reach Wagner, but the bodyguards weren't the ones raping underage girls (hopefully). I'd already made a plan beforehand, and quickly went over it as Wagner and his guards neared the side of the parted crowd I was standing on.

I suddenly became very aware of the knife in my jacket and the volatile smoke bombs tucked in my sleeve. They weighed heavily on my being, as if the objects of my assassination themselves were telling me to back off. Something was wrong. Someone who wasn't supposed to be here was here.

It almost felt like I was the prey.

But Wagner's eyes meeting mine snatched me from my doubts. I'd already pulled my mask and hood up, and assumed the identity of a killer. And he wasn't so stupid as to not recognize that.

Wagner's eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to scream Bloody Mary at his bodyguards. I darted out from within the folds of the crowd, and threw the smoke bombs down.

Enough smoke to obscure the entire block went up, and I flipped the fog vision of my glasses on.

Screaming came from all directions, and the crowd turned near animalistic as it started to stampede away, all of them trying to escape the danger that the persona of Indigo could bring.

The bodyguards yelled for Wagner and flailed around uselessly. I prowled up to one of them, and pulled him into a chokehold from behind. His body started to shake and jump, like his soul was trying to make its escape without the rest of him as he suffocated in silence.

"Sorry, friend. Guess you're taking a pay cut," I whispered to him as I lowered his now-unconscious body to the ground.

I made quick, methodical work of the rest of them in a similar fashion. The panic amongst them as their numbers dwindled steadily rose, and their yells for anyone who could hear them became more desperate as comrades were formulaically silenced.

Now standing in the middle of the sea of burly bodies in fetal positions was Wagner himself. I didn't bother to quiet my footsteps now, and watched with a smile as he jumped away from the sound.

"Thought you'd be running by now," I said, unsheathing my knife and letting that unmistakable sound of its reveal ring in the air.

"Leave me alone!" Wagner screeched, "Leave me alone, you hear me?! You ruined my goddamn speech! You goddamn- ugh…!"

My curved blade had shot out from the smoke and found Wagner's chest. I put a hand on Wagner's shoulder like you would an old friend, and pulled him closer to me, and further up on the blade.

"Ugh…!"

I clicked my tongue and shook my head. "Shouldn't have touched the girl, James," I whispered. I let the hilt of the blade go as Wagner's eyes went wide at the realization of why his fate had been sealed, and his body went limp with that final revelation. His body hit the ground with a 'thud', as heavy and unfeeling as he'd been in life.

The assassination was complete. But the mission wouldn't be over until I'd completely evaded the law.

I checked my watch. The smoke wouldn't completely lift for another minute or two. But there were advanced units around with fog vision goggles. I could make my way to the safe house without being followed, so long as I acted qui-

"There you are," a woman's gritty voice said behind me. Like a church hymn, I knew it immediately.

Romanoff.

I grinned underneath my mask. Of all the dogs SHIELD sent my way, she was always the best. No doubt, she'd force me to make a few changes to my escape plan. But if it meant a good spar, I was down.

"It's been a minute, Romanoff," I said. Instead of a verbal reply, I got two gunshots sent my way. She could see me.

I slipped my head to the side and watched the bullets whizz by, then turned to face Agent Romanoff. The smoke seemed to part for her as she launched herself at me, all red fury and SHIELD discipline.

“I’m ready to finally settle the score if you are,” she said, a shadow of a smirk on her face, almost like she was having just as much fun as me.

I made a face beneath my mask. “You’re down three, Agent,” I said in the tone you used with an idiotic little sibling.

Her leg slammed into my arm as I blocked what could've been a rib-breaker. I shoved her back so the smoke enveloped her, but she bounced right back forward at me, not missing a beat. She whipped her leg out twice, beating down on my defense with full abandon.

Every kick she sent my way was like a piston slamming into my body. Mechanical. Unfeeling. Sometimes it didn't matter if I blocked it, it still hurt like hell.

“C’mon, you got anything new?” I asked as I ducked and weaved around her kicks and punches.

Agent Romanoff took a break for herself after another kick only hit air, while I danced around like we were in a boxing match instead of a real-life fight. “You talk a lot,” she huffed in between ragged breaths.

“Just trying to catch up with an old friend,” I said, raising my hands placatingly.

“Ew.”

I heard the tell-tale sign of a gun being cocked, and weaved around three bullets as they made their way towards me. Black Widow soon followed after the bullets, coming for my neck with all the means to kill.

I grunted and then chuckled as she kicked me squarely in the stomach, making me stagger back a good several feet. My breakfast nearly came up right then.

The onslaught paused. "Surrender now, and I won't kill you," she warned. A red light flashed before my eyes, and I found a laser dot resting on my chest.

"You know, that’s more of a friendly greeting to me nowadays," I said. She pulled the trigger in reply. I darted out of the way. But instead of the explosive bullet I expected, the projectile expanded into an electrical net. I guess she figured out by now that bullets to me were a drunk man's swings to Muhammad Ali.

"Shit," I growled as I watched it expand, and pulled the wakizashi off my back to cut through it just in time to save my ass.

But I didn't get away from it completely unscathed, as one of the energized ends of the net still brushed against the exposed skin on my wrist. My heart seemed to launch itself around my chest cavity, beating sporadically as I cried out to maintain myself.

I threw the net away with a sweep of my short sword, and tried to regulate my heartbeat again. But Agent Romanoff wasn't about to allow me that convenience.

A flash of black and red flew through the air, coming for my neck. A pair of legs wrapped around me, and started to squeeze the ever-living fuck out of my throat. I grasped at them with a desperate gasp, and made the mistake of dropping my sword. A thin, but solid cord joined Romanoff's legs, which she wrapped around my neck and pulled. My vision went dark at the ends, and I could feel that real, raw fight or flight instinct starting to creep up. I grabbed and clawed at her legs uselessly, and muttered out several, “shit, shit, shit”s.

“You gonna tap?” Agent Romanoff taunted, as if me tapping would bring mercy. I choked out a muffled “fuck you” against the kevlar and leather of her suit.

Not gonna lie, suffocating between Black Widow's thighs wouldn't have been a terrible way to go out. But I was determined to get that paycheck I was promised.

I felt Agent Romanoff yank me around as she tried to slam me into the ground, where I'd all but have my fate sealed if it were to happen. With a laboring burst of strength, I let out a growl and reared back, then slammed Romanoff into the ground. I heard her wheeze as the wind completely exited her body.

In a moment of weakness not unlike my own, Romanoff was completely open to a killing strike as she struggled for air. I didn't give her any grace, instead closing my fingers around her throat. As her eyes widened and she grasped at my hand, I unsheathed the knife in my left hand, where it sat dangerously close to Romanoff's right side.

"I really should kill you," I said in a tone that was more for asking what she wanted for dinner than threatening homicide.

Even as she stared one of death's finest agents in the face, her blood dribbling down her forehead and drops of mine landing on her brow, Agent Romanoff remained defiant. Emerald green eyes narrowed and glared harshly at me.

"Then do it."

I shook my head, the decision made before I’d even said anything.

In one swift movement, I flipped my knife around and jabbed her twice with the hilt, right in her liver. Even the world's best assassin couldn't go against her body. And the body wasn't going to get up after a liver shot.

I stood up and watched as Agent Romanoff cried out, then folded in on herself from the pain.

"Anticlimactic, huh?" I said as I twirled my knife twice before sheathing it, "That was fun, Agent Romanoff. I'll see you next time." She replied with a pained groan, and continued to writhe on the ground amongst the bodyguards I’d taken out before.

And with that, I hastily made my escape. I could hear the law approaching now, but once they got here, all they'd find was a bruised and defeated Black Widow.

The score was now Natasha Romanoff: 0, and Jean Holiday: 4.

#natasha romanoff #black widow #marvel #natasha romanoff x oc #marvel x oc #fanfic #oc

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theothersideofhim · 5 years

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Stan Figures It Out: Part 1 (or, Asmodeus’ Super Fun Beehive Poking Text Log) (or, Nobody)

((So a few days ago me and Sarah went through a lot of really cool character development, but it was all over discord. I’d really like to have a record of it over here and let ya’ll read cuz it was GR8.

Broke up it up into two parts since it’s so much, and this is part one. Basically Ash ( @ashenheartx ) decided to bother Stan about stealing his idea of making Merlin into a Hell puppet for a hot second, his previous relationship with God, and basically have a big old gay crush on Lucifer. Stan hates all these things and overreacts in true Stan theatrics fashion.

Warnings: NSFW descriptions and general lewd emojis. Ash being Ash. No other triggers far as I know.

Next part to come soon, probably tomorrow.))

Ash:

[txt] ps fuck you for stealing my idea and then failing it btw this is overdue

Stan:

[txt] OH CONGRATULATIONS

[txt] ITS BEEN HOW FUCKING LONG? AND YOU JUST GET THE BALLS TO FUCKING SAY SOMETHING TO ME?

[txt] WELL WELL WELL AT LEAST I KNOW YOU CAN DO MORE THAN FUCK

Ash:

[txt] well your butt was already spanked figured itd take this long for it to heal

Stan:

[txt] HARDY HAR HAR. YOURE REAL FUNNY YOU KNOW THAT? I SHOULD GIVE YOU A PROMOTION TO HEAD FUNNYMAN

[txt] GUESS WHAT THE CURRENT FUNNYMAN IS DOING?

Ash:

[txt] ruling hell for you

Stan:

[txt] WHA

[txt] NO

[txt]

[txt] I PUT HIM IN CHARGE OF THE WRITING TEAM FOR RICK AND MORTY

[txt] SO KEEP THAT IN FUCKING MIND

Ash:

[txt] you lied so hard and fast

[txt] you STUTTERED IN TEXT

Stan:

[txt] WELL I FIGURED THATS HOW YOU LIKED IT

Ash:

[txt] STUTTERED?

Stan:

[txt] I MEANT HARD AND FAST BUT FROM YOUR TRACK RECORD YOU DO SEEM TO LIKE SHRINKING VIOLETS SO

[txt] SHRINKING SHRIEKING NUNS

Ash:

[txt] that was ONE nun

[txt] well alright it was mORE than oNE nun but she was special circumstance

Stan:

[txt] MMMMHMMMMM. AND BY THE WAY THAT WAS TIME WELL SPENT GOOD JOB. THAT DIDNT TURN INTO AN INCREDIBLE FAILURE

[txt] WHILE WE'RE ON THE FUCKING TOPIC

Ash:

[txt] he is only a failure FOR NOW

[txt] he's still not a defective one like many others

[txt] and has actual power

Stan:

[txt] Yeah he does I'll give him that

[txt] Can you really blame me for trying to step in and speed things up?

Ash:

[txt] yes

Stan:

[txt] Nope not allowed

Ash:

[txt] it is allowed because now it will take TWICE AS LONG

[txt] because now he has sex and it's not as much of a pressure point

Stan:

[txt] im sorry im

[txt] IM FUCKING

[txt] gagGING BE RIGHT BACK

Ash:

[txt] ?????????? stop thinking about my son's dick

Stan:

[txt] YOU MENTIONED YOUR SONS DICK and please DON'T act like you DON'T think about it

Ash:

[txt] it's kind of my entire schtick to think about hidden treasure

Stan:

[txt] Isn't the real hidden treasure the dicks we sucked along the way though

Ash:

[txt] see now ive gone from mad to camaraderie and i dont appreciate that

[txt] some how i doubt you have sucked any dicks tho

Stan:

[txt] OH NO IM THE DEVIL OOOOOHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[txt] IVE SUCKED ONE DICK DONT @ ME

Ash:

[txt] 🤔

[txt] proof

Stan:

[txt] UH IM SORRY

[txt] THEY DIDNT REALLY HAVE KIK OR SNAPCHAT BACK AT THE BEGINNING OF THE UNIVERSE

Ash:

[txt] bitch you gave god a bj why isn't this FRONT PAGE news

Stan:

[txt] THERES SOME HIDDEN TREASURE FOR YOU NOW FUCK OFF

Ash:

[txt] GURL WE AIN'T DONE WHO ELSE YOU BLOWIN

Stan:

[txt] RIGHT NOW IM PRETTY SURE EVEN ENTERTAINING THIS CONVERSATION IS CONSIDERED SUCKING YOUR DICK SO YOU??????????

Ash:

[txt] pretty sure my poor dick is flacid and not in your mouth but okay

Stan:

[txt] THE LAST THING YOU WANT IN MY MOUTH IS YOUR DICK

[txt] I'LL SUCK YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING HEAD

[txt] ILL VORE YOU FUCKING TRY ME

Ash:

[txt] honey

[txt] darling

[txt] you've done worse to me please

[txt] oop kink shamed the devil

Stan:

[txt] If there's anything that can be said for me

[txt] It's that I don't have that as a kink

Ash:

[txt] shocking honestly

[txt] what with that mouth tum

[txt] but really not even luci? slacking

Stan:

[txt] YOUSHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT LUCIFERS ENTIRE DICK

Ash:

[txt] why the FUCK would i do that? it's a good dick

[txt] ESP WHEN IT'S CUTE AND SMALL

Stan:

[txt] LISTEN YOU OVER GLORIFIED FUCK BUDDY

[txt MAYBE I SHOULD TELL EVERYONE ABOUT YOUR LITTLE """""HIDDEN TREASURE""""""

Ash:

[txt] my cute butt because that's not hidden at all and you can ask luci

Stan:

[txt] Is it motherfucker????????????? Is it???? You're telling me you let Lucifer fuck you in the pussy????????????????????????? Because I'm calling bullshit on that. I'm calling bullshit that you ever allow anyone to get that fucking close to you anymore.

Ash:

[txt] well all of that is true, but he is aware of it i am sure. we didn't spontaneously know each other when we dropped out of the sky

[txt] besides you probably dont share treasure like that because then how do you get to roll around in it when you want to to feel special. you dont. that's like telling people where the candy stash is

Stan:

[txt] YOU REALLY HIDING THE CANDY FOR LIKE 6000 YEARS CHIEF?????[txt] AT THE VERY LEAST I SHOULD GET A TASTE

Ash:

[txt] oh wait did i let the cat out of the bag for you because wow??????????????????

[txt] didn't you already know i had a pussy like come on man you've probably found it already

[txt] it's pretty hard to remember some of that time when we first got down here though

Stan:

[txt] oh no bitch

[txt] i definitely knew

[txt] a shame you don't reMEMBER the fun we had

[txt] but it's been a WHILE AND A HALF

Ash:

[txt] must not have been all that good?????????????

[txt] dick wasn't bomb apparently

[txt] besides you alwyas had a thing for luci

Stan:

[txt] I'LL PUT A BOMB IN YOUR ACTUAL ASS I DID NOT ALWAYS HAVE A THING FOR HIM AND STOP CALLING HIM LUCI

Ash:

[txt] you had a THING for luci the first day we hit Hell don't even pretend you didn't

[txt] luci luci luci

[txt] how else am i supposed to say his name when he poppin that puss

Stan:

[txt] IM GONNA F CU KING PISSS

[txt] FUCK OFF

Ash:

[txt] 💄💯✨

[txt] and lemme remind you; it pOPS 💦

[txt] if you aren't saying 'luci' when you come im not sure what you're doing with your life

[txt] but it's the wrong thing, darling

[txt] i'll pray for you and your weird little obsessive love affair

Stan:

[If Ash is anywhere near the ninth level of Hell at that moment he might hear Stan literally screeching like a raccoon being rammed with a tennis racket. But then shortly after he wouldn't hear anything except for the illusion of Mitski's "Nobody" chorus playing on loop. It was sad and melancholy and repetitive and perfectly summed up the insult Stan WANTED to say about Ash's fucking life, but wasn't able to get past the screaming. Who the fuck cared about Ash's little opinion? Nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody nobody....]

Ash:

[Look, Ash is a CACKLIN' instead of being offended because if Stan had meant to camouflage his feelings he had instead loudly broadcasted them. So, as a final goad, he gently hit send one final time.

[vid] it's grainy like ten years ago small cellphone quality with sound, but it sure is Lucifer getting railed from chest to between thighs. it's less than thirty seconds and includes orgasms that end with dick withdrawing with an aforementioned pop and leak of white fluid

[txt] ❤️ 🎵 ttyl ]

Stan:

[Stan was having a HARD TIME OKAY????? He sure as fuck didn't need to be called out by Ash, and he sure as fuck couldn't keep up the illusion as soon as the video came through. That song snapped right out of Ash's reality with the same kind of swiftness as Stan's surprisingly potent jealousy boiling up within him. The phone got thrown on the ground, stomped on, punched a few times, then kicked across the motel room.

THEN Stan got out a bat and beat the phone within an inch of it's digital life, manifested a hydraulic press and squished the phone with 12 tons of pressure per square inch, before finally mANIFESTING A GERMAN LEOPARD 2A6 TANK AND ROLLING IT THROUGH THE MOTEL LOBBY TO FINALLY DESTORY THE PHONE.

(And then blast it with the tank's fully traversing rotating gun turret but by then he'd realized he'd never get that image out of his head no matter how much damage he did the phone.)]

#ashenheartx #burningfeathersx #discord shenanigans #long post #tried to make this easy to read as possible but if you have any trouble let me know #TLDR: WHY YOU MAD??? CUZ LUCI'S PUSSY POPS SEVERELY AND YOURS DON'T?????))#ooc

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twdeadfanfic · 6 years

Text

Life at the end of the world Pt.6

Summary: Your life as a zombie apocalypse survivor. It starts with the Reader settling into the camp at the quarry, before s1 and then follows the show events and storyline, more or less, but with the Reader in it.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Warnings: Slow burn, violence, language.

Author’s note: Sixth part of my first twd fanfic, I’ve been itching to write something like this for a long while and I write it for fun, I don’t claim to be a writer so if you find you dislike this fic, please be kind and just stop reading. English’s not my first language so maybe there’re some mistakes, I apologize in advance. For the same reason, I can’t write character’s accents and things like that. At any rate, I hope you enjoy it. There’d be several parts to this.

Next morning the search for Sophia continued after Daryl informed Rick and Shane of his idea of going alone, and you split groups to search through the places Daryl and Rick believed to be your best chances.

You were with Andrea and T-Dog, glad you were still on the search even if it wasn’t with Daryl. You were feeling better and you felt a bit silly you’d reacted like that to him telling you he’d go alone, like if it had meant you were totally pushed off the search because you weren’t good enough.

You guessed you’d been going through lots of emotions and even the smallest things triggered you now sometimes.

You tried your hardest but went back to the farm without any trace of Sophia, same like Shane and Rick. Daryl wasn’t back yet, he’d more ground to explore, and you could just hope he’d have better luck than all you.

There wasn’t much to do besides waiting for Daryl, so Shane decided it was time to start your shoot training. You all drove to the place he had decided was the best and started with the basics, how to hold the gun, charge, and everything you might need before starting shooting at your targets.

By the end of the practice, you were feeling content enough, managing clean shots your targeted bottles almost all the time. Still, you knew it wasn’t that easy to shoot to something that was moving, especially if you had to move too.

Later that day, you were sitting alone on the porch. Carol and Lori had told you about their plan to make a big dinner Hershel’s family as a thank you, but you weren’t as good of a cook as them, and between them, Patricia and Beth the kitchen was quite full.

When you saw Maggie walking near you, you decided to go and talk with her for a bit, maybe get to know her a bit better. Besides, you’d seen the hearts in Glenn’s eyes since they went together on a run, and the farmer girl didn’t seem to mind his company either.

“Ey, Maggie, hi!” You greeted.

“Hi, Y/N right?” She greeted you. “You need something?”

“Nah, I was just passing time. I don’t cook well enough to be making the feast they have planned.” You giggled awkwardly.

“Yeah, me neither.” Maggie gave you a genuine smile. “You can help me set the table if you want, though.”

“Sure, fine!” You smiled back. “By the way, I wanted to ask you, what are your intentions towards my boy Glenn?” You couldn’t help but tease.

Maggie's face went serious and she frowned at you. “What the hell are you talking about.” She grumbled.

“I was just joking...” You raised your hands in surrender. “But everyone can see how he looks at you...”

“Really?” Maggie seemed mortified.

“He gives you the heart eyes.” You chuckled fondly. “You don’t like him then?” You had thought she did...if not then Glenn’s heart was going to break and you really hated having to see that.

“Not really...I mean...I don’t know?” Maggie shrugged and his cheeks turned pink, and you couldn’t help your smile... Maybe she did like him after all.

“He’s...he’s sweet, I enjoy being with him...but I don’t know if I like him like that, you know?” Maggie kept talking. “We just met and...I don’t know...”

“Well, all I can tell you is that Glenn is really a good guy.” You said seriously. “And good things don’t seem to happen much in this world anymore, so if you enjoy being with him, then maybe you should? I don’t know, I’m not that good at this stuff actually...”

“Yeah, well, maybe you are right...Thanks.” Maggie gave you a smile. “Help me with that table?”

“Sure thing.” You nodded but didn’t move, your eyes scanning the path to the woods.

Daryl hadn’t come back and you knew he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, it wasn’t the first time he was alone in the woods, he’d been there at night too, but still, you worried. What if something had happened to him and you didn’t know.

You tried to end that train of thoughts. Probably he was just taking advantage of as many sun hours as he could, he’d be back after dinner when the sun went down. Maybe he had even found Sophia.

“The man of the crossbow’s still out there looking for the little girl, right?” Maggie asked you, following your eyes, and you nodded. “I hope you’ll find her soon.”

“Yeah, me too...” You murmured, following Maggie inside to prepare everything in the dining-room.

A moment later you were back at the porch. Hershel had walked into the room and had looked pointedly at you, making you understand he wanted to talk with her daughter alone, so you shrugged, gave Maggie a smile and left, hoping she wasn’t about to be scolded for Glenn or something.

You were sitting down on the stairs, focused on your book, when you heard a gunshot. Dropping the book you rushed to your feet and ran towards the sound. You gasped aloud when you saw Rick and Shane dragging a blood-stained, unconscious Daryl.

“What happened?!” You asked panicking.

“I...I shot him...I thought he was a walker...I...” Andrea replied, seeming in shock.

“Not time for that now.” Rick cut her off.

You nodded and ran back to the farm as fast as you could, calling for Hershel, who rushed out, helping Shane and Rick carry Daryl into the downstairs room, Patricia rushing in too, carrying everything Hershel might need.

Time seemed to pass slower than ever as you waited for news about Daryl’s condition. You were sitting down with Carol, holding hands as you both looked anxiously towards the corridor. Carol’s other hand hold Sophia’s doll against her chest. T-Dog had given it to her, telling her Daryl had brought it with him.

After what seemed an eternity but wasn’t even that long, Rick finally appeared with news.

“He’ll pull through, he’s doing fine.” He reassured all you.

You grimaced as Rick explained how Daryl had taken an arrow to the side, besides the bullet that grazed the side of his head, and seemed to be pretty banged up, amazed he was still not only alive but doing fine, as fine as anyone could be after all that.

“He told us where he found the doll, Carol, we can keep looking around there,” Rick told to Carol gently, but she just nodded silently.

That evening you were all having the most delicious, yet silent and tense dinner you had had since the world went to hell, when you saw Maggie and Glenn passing notes under the table. You smiled, arching your eyebrows at the girl and she rolled her eyes but smiled.

You saw Dale and Hershel were noticing too, as if the dinner weren’t uncomfortable enough. Still, you almost had to chuckle, Hershel was Maggie’s daughter and now Dale seemed to be acting like Glenn’s father, both worried about their kids dating. Some things never changed.

“I’m gonna get Daryl some dinner,” Carol told you and you nodded. You finally got to have a real dinner and the poor one was bedridden.

It seemed the mood wasn’t going to improve anytime soon, so right after you finished everyone got up and began helping, taking everything back to the kitchen and doing the wash-up, making plans for the morrow and taking care of everything that needed to be taken care.

You made your way to see Daryl, wanting to check on him, you hadn’t seen him yet and also intending to take his plate back to the kitchen. You knocked on the door and walked in.

He’d the sheets wrapped around him tightly and up to his chin, his back to you, and you couldn’t help a soft giggle. You thought he looked kind of cute like that, like a Daryl burrito wrapped in sheets.

You’d thought he was asleep but the turned to face you when he heard you snicker, frown on his face and glaring at you.

“What you laughing at?” He growled.

“Nothing...” You shook your head, not wanting to voice your silly thoughts.

Daryl was looking at you angrily and you realized he thought you were laughing at him.

“I just thought it was fun to see you so wrapped in sheets.” You tried to explain without making an idiot of yourself. “Looking like a human burrito or something, you know...” You tailed off, embarrassed.

Daryl was still eyeing you warily but eventually seemed to decide you weren’t making fun of him and relaxed a bit, but still looked at you cautiously.

“You okay?” You forced yourself to ask despite the awkwardness, you’d gone there to check on him after all.

“Vet says I am...doesn’t feel like it though.” He grumbled and you thought you’d never heard him sound so tired.

“I bet...” You murmured, looking at the bandage that covered the side of his head were Andrea’s bullet had grazed him. “You were just shot.”

“Fell on my own damn arrow too.” He growled grumpily. “Fucking horse threw me downhill..”

So that’s how it’d happened, you’d been wondering about it. You still thought it was a miracle he was alive.

“Too stubborn to die, right?” You joked darkly and nervous, trying to lighten the mood a bit and to your surprise, Daryl chuckled at your words.

“Wanted to prove something to my brother.” He rasped. “Piss him off too.”

“I saw him, hallucinated him or something.” He explained when he saw your confused face. “Told me I was going to die there.”

“Always an ass even in hallucinations.” You rolled your eyes.

“I liked to see him...” Daryl murmured, sounding vulnerable. You knew he missed his brother, no matter how Merle had been. “Until he started talking bullshit. Said some truths, tho.”

“Like what?” You were genuinely curious. Merle wasn’t there, whatever he’d said to Daryl had to come from his own mind.

Daryl said nothing, shifting to the further side of the bed and turning his back to you again, finishing the conversation for good. As he turned, though, the sheets fell off his back and your eyes opened wide when you saw the scars that marred his skin.

“How you got those?” You asked, shocked, before you couldn’t stop yourself. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t...” You added quickly, flustered at your indiscretion.

The scars were intentional, there was no doubt about it, as they seemed to follow patterns. And almost all his back was marked with them, different sizes but all looking deep and painful.

Daryl looked over his shoulder and lifted the sheets to cover his back again quickly when he saw what you were talking about. You apologized again, taking the trail and making to leave.

“Told you my father was an ass...” Daryl muttered so quietly you almost couldn’t hear him before you could open the door.

You were horrified. You’d already put together that his family had treated him badly and that he’d probably been neglected as a kid, but this was something else. You couldn’t believe his own father could have done something like that to him. It broke your heart.

“I’m sorry...” You whispered, making Daryl turn around to glare at you angrily.

“I need no pity!” He snapped, looking at you in disgust.

“It’s not pity...” You tried to explain. You felt sorry, yes, but it was no pity. What you felt was the need to protect him and it took you aback. You knew Daryl needed no protection whatsoever, but still, you felt the urge to guard him against any more harm. And you were totally enraged at his family.

“Yeah, I know what you and your friends think of me.” He grumbled, still glaring you.

You were confused for a second but then realized it might be something his hallucinated Merle had told him. Which meant it was something he thought deep down, and it pained you to think he might believe all of you thought ill of him. You couldn’t speak for everyone, but you knew most of them appreciated the efforts he was doing and valued him. At least you did, and for Carol, he was a hero.

“I don’t know what you think...what Merle told you...but you said it, it’s bullshit.” You gathered enough courage to speak, no matter the angry way he was looking at you was making you uneasy and telling you to fly out of the room.

“I think you’re brave and I’m grateful you are helping us and looking for Sophia. And so is Carol.” You blushed at your words.

Daryl said nothing but his eyes were not that angry anymore, just wary, but you saw he’d blushed too. He said nothing and turned his back to you again and without another world, you left the room.

****

You yawned, getting out of the RV early in the morning. Carol had offered to keep sharing the bed and you had accepted, not only to sleep in a real bed instead of in a sleeping bag but also for the comfort of sleeping next to someone instead of in the loneliness of the tent.

Since the dead started walking the earth, you didn’t enjoy your time alone as much as you used to. And you had gotten used to always have someone not far from you. You felt vulnerable alone in the tent.

You saw Daryl limp out of the house and made his way slowly into his tent, grimacing here and there.

“I feel so bad...” Andrea complained, stopping next to you.

“Come on, it was a mistake, you thought him a walker...” You tried to comfort her. Stumbling around covered in blood he had probably looked like one. “And if he’d been a walker you’d have almost nailed him.” You chuckled softly, wondering when you started to have such a dark sense of humor, but Andrea didn’t seem amused at your words.

“I almost killed him...” She blamed herself.

“But you didn’t, he doesn’t blame you,” Carol assured her.

“I’m going to apologize,” Andrea said before heading towards Daryl’s tent resolutely.

You saw Rick and Shane were looking at the map again and you made your way towards him, eager to start doing something. Turned out you weren’t starting the search for Sophia right away, first you’d do some shooting practice.

You knew it was important, but looking for Sophia should be the priority. Still, you didn’t complain aloud, not wanting to cause an argument.

This time, Andrea and you tried aiming at further and further targets until you couldn’t keep up with her.

“Damn girl, have you been practicing in your sleep or something?” You chuckled softly, amazed at her. You could just hope your aim would be that good someday.

After your training session, you split to look for Sophia again. Shane told you he’d go with Andrea to check some housing area in which he thought Sophia might have hauled up while Rick, Carol and you checked the woods again.

Both places where a bust and you felt your mood going down and down. You felt you weren’t doing enough and you were frustrated, but didn’t know what to do about it. You got into the RV, lying on the bed and intending to finish Glenn’s book, oblivious to any drama that might’ve been going on outside.

You didn’t realize you had fallen asleep on the book until you felt the bed shifting under the weight of Carol. You opened your eyes and realized the sun was already down.

“Ey...” You greeted groggily, shifting to the side of the bed to give Carol more room.

“Didn’t mean to wake you,” Carol said quietly. “Go back to sleep.”

You nodded, yawning. “Have you seen Daryl?” You hadn’t seen him since he went to his tent in the morning, and you wondered if he was doing okay.

“Brought him dinner, he’s doing fine,” Carol told you with a small smile. “Bored. Cranky. But okay.”

“Good...” You whispered half asleep and soon you were dreaming again.

@momc95 @jodiereedus22 @osweetdevilo@sapphire1727@coffeebooksandfandom

I never thought anyone’d like to be tag in any of my stories so thank you! It means the world! <3

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon imagine #the walking dead fanfiction #twd fanfiction #twd imagine #daryl fanfiction #dar #daryl imagine #life at the end of the world #lew #is anyone enjoying this or just me...

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