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jodilin65 · 4 years

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August 2020

MONDAY, AUGUST 31, 2020 Another day of good energy. I’ve been on a roll with not being tired for over 2 weeks now for the first time in months. I’m not sure why I have spells where I’m exhausted and then I do well. I just know I like having energy.

Enough to go bike riding. It was still a bit warm at 90° just like when we went out walking yesterday around the same time, but fun. Everything was perfect in that no one was parked too close to the speed bumps when we were coming downhill and there were no dog walkers in our way.

His HR made it up to 103 and mine hit 131. I realize that my high HR is “tricking” Fitbit (and my thyroid). As fun as it is to use in general, it’s going to tell me I can have more calories than I really can to lose weight. I’m still pretty confident that it would take 1000 calories or less every day for almost a year to lose weight and I’m just not up for that. I wish I was, and I hate to say it, but I don’t know that I would be up for that even if I was 100 pounds overweight. I don’t need the standard 2000 calories to feel comfortable and function well, but I do need around 1400 on most days. Yesterday I indulged and had 1775. I don’t usually go over 1500-1600 but I do splurge once a week or so. I’m up 2 pounds because of it but I’ll push it back off soon enough. I always do. Carbs really do matter as much as calories, so I’m learning, and yesterday I definitely had too much sugar and carbs.

When pulling out some hay to give to the guinea pigs, I ended up getting a sliver at the base of one of my fingers. Fortunately, Tom was able to get it out using a magnifier and good tweezers.

It just hit me that I haven’t been hearing the freeway as much lately. It started to become audible and then faded back out. What sucks is that tomorrow morning is September 1st and that means the plane frenzy begins. I’ll be asleep when it starts, though, which will be shortly before or after 6. But at least we’re one month closer to getting out of here!

I wish I knew why I had so many negative dreams. It’s usually the same damn things over and over again. They usually deal with me being in some kind of captivity where I’m trapped somewhere or losing everything.

In one dream, we had to abandon everything, and I mean literally everything. Our house, our car, our devices, medications, everything. We walked off with just the clothes on our back and even left the car running.

Around this time yet in a separate dream, I saw my old Endo. Even though I tried to keep a straight face, she sensed that something was off. She asked if everything was okay and I had to force a smile and say that everything was fine.

I accidentally stumbled upon something in my 2011 journal that further suggests my New York reader is Marie. I don’t remember the circumstances. I was looking for something else and didn’t read too much about it but it had to do with her contacting me to tell me that even though I told her I didn’t want anything to do with her, she’d been reading my journal from a distance and wanted to let me know she had nothing to do with someone that was messing with me at the time which I wrote about in one particular entry. So I guess that, unlike most people, she doesn’t ignore you if you cut her out of your life. She’s just quiet about it. It would explain the lack of comments, but would she really be that active on the site? There’s no way to get email notifications when you bookmark someone. She’s got to be logged in to get her bookmarks and she’s got to spend quite a bit of time on the site too, because there have been several times I’ve posted something and she’s shown up on my visitors’ list just minutes later.

Even she showed up in my dreams, but I don’t remember what the dream was about. It’s probably because she was on my mind as I was falling asleep. I both miss her, and I don’t. I miss how understanding and open-minded she always was. Her goofy side, her sense of humor, her empathy. But then she was the one that dumped and blocked me when her accusatory and paranoid side came out and I told her I had no idea what she was talking about or trying to say.

It wasn’t the first time this strange “other” side, whatever the hell it was, emerged. I don’t know if she has an illness she was born with or if the abuse she went through made her the way she is but I’m definitely not so sure that all the psych pills she was diving into were helping. If anything, I suspect that may have been making her worse. Regardless, I do miss her. It would be hard to slam the door in her face if she magically showed up. Instead, even though it probably wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do, I would probably run into her arms. Remember, I did love her, and I guess a part of me always will. Maybe I’ll hear from her someday. She’s probably gone through a million Facebook accounts by now, so I’m sure the one we blocked each other on is long gone. Maybe it would be okay to communicate while she was “normal,” so to speak, and then pull back and take a break when that other side came out. I know she’s bipolar and those are extremely hard to deal with. The intense and frequent mood swings are like OMG! And the way they can get paranoid and accusatory can be downright scary. I’ll never forget the way Lisa showed me a side of her that I never knew existed until 2009. But she still meant a lot to me and she always will.

Finally heard from Dixie. Her computer has been broken which was what I suspected.

LOL, not surprisingly, Aly has already received half a dozen letters from Kim, mostly about June, of course. They started off as penpals before they began texting around 2008.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 30, 2020 We went for a walk earlier and I opted to take a shortcut back because it was still so warm at close to 90°.

Tom needed flip-flops and found that even though they were $0.99 in person at Walmart, online they were $20, so he got a $10 pair on Amazon. While he was at it, I got another set of nail stickers to try.

Had a dream that I had to do 30 days in jail for who-knows-what. I know I dreamed about the guards and other inmates but can’t remember anything other than Tom visiting and me telling him that I was going to write him a letter but then I got busy doing something.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 29, 2020 I’m so fucking pissed! My new nail strips look absolutely nothing like they do on the sheets once they’re on my nails because they’re transparent. Now that I see this, I do remember someone complained about that in the reviews. I could still use them to cover boring ones, I suppose.

Also got some “retractions” to make. Aly was talking about a group text, not Facebook. I beat the recyclers but the trashers actually came before I got up, though I managed to sleep through them somehow. Also, my root canal didn’t last just 40 minutes, even though it seemed that way, thanks to Halcion. Tom said I was in for over an hour and a half.

I kind of let Pelosi have it on Twitter for trying to sabotage the election. At least it really seems like she doesn’t want Biden to win. I don’t know if she has a personal vendetta against him or what but if she keeps fighting the Republicans on the stimulus thing and doesn’t come to some agreement like now, the Dems are going to lose the election. For someone who’s said to be highly intelligent, she’s acting dumb as fuck. The people are going to remember that the Republicans tried to get us money while the Dems did nothing but argue and block them and that’s going to cause Trump to get reelected.

Fortunately, who gets elected doesn’t really affect us directly that much other than maybe with health insurance since there’s no way Trump would lower the age of Medicare. I just wish the rich could understand that no, not everyone can pay all their medical bills out of pocket just because they can.

It’s all I can do to keep from running across the street and blasting the shit out of that fucking cock. I got up around 1 and figured it would be too hot and too late in the day for the sawing since the bastard seems to prefer mornings, but I got a few seconds of it when I was in the kitchen. It sounds exactly like Tom’s saw when he’s using it right outside the door, that’s how fucking loud it is. If the cock across the street used that thing right outside the door, it would be ferociously loud in here. It’s still frequent and loud enough. I heard the fucking thing a couple more times when I was outside checking out the new fence and this was at an angle that our place was between us and the saw. The sound wraps around the place, but the other side where the kitchen and master bedroom and bathroom windows are gets hit worse.

The new fence looks great. A little more see-through and a little higher but better than the old rotted wooden fence. Being higher will make it easier to blow leaves under it and the lattice design will make it less susceptible to wind damage.

I’m just so sick of listening to people and for the millionth time I’m asking myself, where oh where can I go to escape people’s shit? Really, where can we go to get away from it? And vehicles so loud I can feel the vibration of them rumbling under my feet.

Tom is really frustrating because the more I complain, the more he doesn’t like it, and he never wants to do shit about anything. All he cares about is how others may react and not how I feel. I’m surprised he even bothered to fight for his Unemployment, that’s how paranoid he is when it comes to complaining. Yet he absolutely does not want to complain about any neighbor under any circumstance. I keep wishing someone else would take the honors for me, but I know they won’t. Maybe they have the same fears he has or maybe they just don’t mind the noise even though I would think it would annoy just about anyone. It’s usually only a few-second bursts, but it’s still too loud and too frequent.

I was pissed when it finally hit me after all this time that when Kim asked Aly to shut down some of her Facebook accounts because she didn’t want her sister to find them, she could have read our conversation. I don’t think I said anything that would have offended Aly, but still…the messages were meant for Kim and not her. Oh, the problems that can come with friend mixing.

Maybe she didn’t see them, though. I went back and checked our Skype messages from the end of July (this is why I never delete messages) and she talks about being asked to delete three accounts and says she couldn’t get into two of them. She says the one that she could access was under a variation of her last name. I asked Aly about it today, saying I couldn’t access some of our old messages and she said that as far as she knew, the account Kim and I were connected on was deactivated. It’s just that I can always count on what Aly tells me.

Maybe she isn’t as into hacking or spying on me as I thought she was, though. I have two Twitter accounts. The one we’re connected on where I use my real first name and then a private one in the name of Aubrey. Well, if she uses paid search sites regularly, I would think the private account would come up. I have a real email address tied to it.

She talks about being quietly observant and that people underestimate her and don’t realize the things she hears and knows. I still wonder if she’s a silent observer of my private journals but the only place I can think of that she could hack without getting caught or me knowing about it might be PB.

Sometimes I feel like she’s holding out on me and not so much pushing me away but keeping me at a distance. I wonder if she considers Molly a better friend but if she does, she does. I know that while she has numerous great qualities, she is not only prone to lying but also drawn to the mentally and emotionally ill.

I’m so excited! I took a break from writing this post and during my break, I finally found a way to do voice tweets. Well, they’re technically video tweets but I just keep the phone face down on the table so all you see is blackness. Either that or aimed at my desktop with its lovely nature and animal wallpaper pictures. I don’t want to show anything. I just want to talk and have the option to do tweets with my voice as well as in print.

So, I set up a third Twitter account in the name of Krista. I’m keeping it from Aly, though. I used to hate it when she would block me from her “secret” account so she could have privacy from those she knows yet still be public but now I kind of get that. Sometimes I just want a brand new unbiased audience, so to speak.

Only “Aubrey” is private and that’s kept as hidden as possible so I can still view any accounts of Aly’s that she blocks the account with my real name to which we’re connected.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 28, 2020 Whenever I post a story on Facebook, I always get views from someone not connected to me. Kim is out of commission and Aly said she doesn’t check my profile, so curious little me wonders who it could be. Doubt it’s Christiane.

My new nail strips are absolutely gorgeous even if I’ll have to trim some to fit. They even gave me an extra set! Going to wait a while before I do my nails again, though, since I just did them a couple of days ago.

The Northern Lights colorful glitter topcoat that seemed to be lost in the mail and that I got a refund on, arrived yesterday after all. It’s good for any nail strips that need a little extra shine or reinforcement.

We also got some new mouthguards and this time I did a much better job of molding them to my teeth. My first try was kind of a bust because it was too loose and would often lift up. I was worried that even if it was unlikely, I might choke on it in my sleep. I probably just didn’t heat it up enough but hey, it was my first one. With this one, I have a much more snugger fit.

Because Tom’s HR is naturally low, he can’t get in the cardio zone easily, LOL, where I practically live in the fat-burning zone. That’s just Mr. Bradycardia versus Miss Tachycardia for you.

We went to Rite Aid yesterday and as we were close to the parking lot but unable to see it yet, I told Tom I suddenly had a feeling it was going to be more crowded than usual and it was.

I wonder if something’s wrong with Dixie’s computer again because she hasn’t answered the email I sent a couple of days ago. it’s strange that she hasn’t even called either, though I’m not too worried since Tom recently saw her.

Slept forever last night with a sleep score of 86. At least I got up before the garbage and recycle trucks got a chance to wake me up.

Not that I doubt my buddy that says she was offended by anti-black memes on Facebook but where the hell are all these racists she’s encountering? I swear it’s been just the opposite for me. Sure, I’ve known some that hated blacks, but it’s been such a tiny percent compared to those that hate Jews and gays. I’ve never seen an anti-black comment or meme on Facebook other than a few complaints about them being able to get away with more than whites can these days, and I can guarantee you that if any of my Facebook friends or anyone on PB went anti-black, others would crucify them for it. The vast majority of the places I’ve been both on and offline seem to be very accepting and supportive of everyone except for some Jews, some Muslims, and many gays and lesbians. Just look at all the non-black supporters at the protests, both violent and not.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 27, 2020 It’s fun being the noisy ones around here for once. Yes, Tom is doing the loudest thing he’s done so far in prepping for curb appeal and that’s to drill holes in the concrete with a special drill bit for installing the posts that are going to hold the new lattice fence. Unfortunately, though, I doubt our little saw fanatic can hear much of it if any at all because he’s working on the other side of the house.

I saw Virginia yesterday. She called out something to the guy delivering our groceries from Walmart (got an excellent selection of pork chops, ribs, chicken, fish, avocados, grapes, and blueberries to enjoy and am definitely stocked up for a while). Anyway, she didn’t appear to be using a walker or a cane or anything to assist her, so that’s good. A few minutes later Nancy pulled up.

They stopped working on the house. The new one that was hauled in. That’s a long time to set up a new house! I wonder if there’s a problem with inspections.

I don’t know if the cock across the street was sawing yesterday or as of yet today. I cranked up the sound machines throughout the house (ridiculous thing to have to do anywhere to get any peace but especially here) but I did hear the usual buzz of landscaping equipment of course. That’s going to get worse right along with the planes when the leaves start coming down. Believe it or not, a few trees are already dropping leaves. Seems a bit early for that, though.

I just hate feeling pressured into having to sit back and take people’s annoying shit. I know Tom. He would always come up with a reason why we shouldn’t say anything. If it wasn’t because he’s making a racket and doesn’t want to seem hypocritical, it would be something else. Remember, before it was because he didn’t want prospective buyers questioning him about the place. There’s always something. Again, I understand his fears but what about me? Don’t I deserve not to have to listen to such loud shit so often? Why is it that others matter more, in a sense? Why is it more important that they be allowed to be annoying at my expense while I should have to sit back and take it because of what may happen if I speak up?

Received an email from my optometrist saying she was closing her business and didn’t have any plans to practice elsewhere. I’m guessing the virus has something to do with it but what is it with all these damn doctors moving around or leaving the area altogether? I hope this isn’t as common in Florida. It would be great to find doctors about 20 years younger than me who could take care of me for the rest of my life.

My next eye exam isn’t until October. He’s not going to bother anymore in this state. I’m not sure what I’m going to do. My eyes seem to change so fast and I’m already noticing that these glasses aren’t as helpful, but I have time to decide whether or not to get new ones here or just wait.

It seems the new system is that Rockefeller goes off and Blitz follows. LOL, I can’t figure out what these pigs want at times. It’s like where dogs often like to bark and babies often like to cry just for shits and giggles, they just like to scream.

I can’t stop staring at my nails. They look so cool. Dull color by itself (black to dark green gradient) but still looks good on me at the same time. Dark or neon looks best on my nails. My mother would puke if she could see them. I almost hope she can look down on me from the other side if there is one. Think of all the frustration she must be feeling not being able to critique, control and ridicule me, haha.

They were getting long so I cut them back. These are the stickers that are thicker and therefore harder to file the ends off of, so I just cut everything off. I don’t see how people tolerate really long nails. Yes, I voice type more than I type by hand, but I still do some things by hand. Can’t get these nails very short, though, with the long nail beds I have. The old-fashioned keyboards were easier to type on because my nails would just slip down between the keys. Not with an Apple keyboard, though.

I began logging my food on Fitbit after all because it’s interesting to see how much I burn versus how much I take in. I’ve gone from 157.8 to 155.2, so one more pound and it will stop. Probably even reset itself too. I know my body. I could diet and exercise until I was blue in the face, but no more than a few pounds would come off. But at least I can still get those few pounds off when I want to.

So Aly thinks she’s going to move back in with Cam and that they’ll be together forever. I hope she’s right for her sake! I’m not sure what to think. The fact that she had to move out once isn’t usually a good sign. What’s to say it wouldn’t happen again since what usually happens once has a way of repeating itself as the drama queen taught me?

Had a series of weird dreams and got a sleep score of 87 last time around. I discovered Molly blocked me on Twitter and this told me that I was still on her mind at times and she was likely looking in on me.

Then I had a dream where it was late at night, yet the sun was shining as if I might have been in Alaska. I was taking care of the animals when I realized one of them had a defective water bottle. Then I went outside and started walking down the street in just a bra and panties heading to wherever. Then I decided to go back and replace the bottle because I knew that if I put it off, I would forget to do it later. So I turned around and started running down the street when I realized the sun was really hot and I felt like I was burning. I was on a deserted road that didn’t seem to have anything but fields on one side of it with a few scattered side streets.

A car was coming toward me and it scared me because there was no one else around and I was at their mercy if they turned out to be trouble. I thought of how my life was going well, how I’d like to live longer, and how it would be a shame to die then. I felt like I was running in slow motion even though I was going as fast as I could. But I just couldn’t run fast enough, so I began pawing at the ground as if trying to run on all fours in hopes of it helping me move faster so I could get out of view before the car caught up to me. But the person turned off onto a side street before they could pass me. The sun seared my skin even more and I thought to myself, I’m frying! So now I was worried I wouldn’t get back home before I melted and passed out from the heat.

I can’t swear on this one, but I think I had a dream that I was visiting Chris and a friend of his was telling him that I had a decent body for an American woman, LOL.

The last dream was the shittiest. It started off with me constantly getting calls from numbers I didn’t recognize that would never leave messages.

Then Tom and I drove somewhere that I might have been required to go and at first we weren’t sure what the building was. But then either my phone lit up with the word “court” or I found a piece of paper with the word on it and knew right away that the termites or behind it.

Suddenly I realized I was naked and told him I wasn’t even dressed so we had to go back home. Once there, even though I figured he would want to do the “right” thing, so to speak, that was when I put my foot down and refused to go back to the courthouse or wherever we had just been. I hadn’t done anything wrong, didn’t trust the courts to believe me, and wasn’t going to let myself get railroaded all over again. I did it once 20 years ago and I wasn’t about to do it again.

Just saw the little saw cock drive out. He’s driving the navy 4x4 these days. Probably going to pick up more lumber to saw.

Tom’s own circular saw, which he just used, is comparable in volume inside this place to Dahl’s, so that goes to show how much louder Dahl’s is at 90’ away vs. right outside the door where Tom is.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 26, 2020 Wow! Got my first sleep score of 90! Been more awake more often too. But once I get back onto nights…

Sheila, my new Holly, cleaned my teeth and did an amazingly wonderful job. I love how my teeth look and feel! It turns out that the stains I had along the bottom teeth weren’t so much from being late on my cleaning but because of the wine I drink. She said red wine is a major stainer. So I guess I’ll be switching to white wine, like Moscato, and only have Merlot once in a while. I ran and brushed my teeth as soon as I had my last one.

She scaled the teeth by hand, polished them, flossed them with this sandpaper-like thing, and then she used their supersonic scaler that was both cold and hot at the same time. She warned me it would be loud but it wasn’t. It made a squeaking sound that sort of reminded me of mice, but that was it. It was the cold and warmth I noticed most. The supersonic vibrations probably create heat that needs to be cooled.

She said everything else looked great and that I didn’t have much tartar buildup and was doing great with the home care. I didn’t even see the dentist. I saw her and Dana working on another patient but other than when I paid Vicky $90 with our credit card, I didn’t see anyone else and I won’t be returning until March.

Just checked my schedule predictor and it actually doesn’t look good for either my dental or ear appointment. :-( Might have to reschedule.

No fucking wonder the planes are so annoying here! For some reason, I thought the airport was between 40 and 50 miles away but then Tom laughed and said, “It’s not that far. We’ve driven to and from there before.”

He pulled up a map to show me and it’s actually 21 miles by car and 14 miles if you draw a straight line from the airport to here. So no wonder they’re obnoxious. Another week and they’ll be really bad again. So from now on, we’ll definitely make sure the airport is at least 50 miles away from wherever we live. It won’t matter if we’re in a flight path if they’re 20K feet above us as opposed to 2K.

I’m so confused as to where to go! There’s a part of me that thinks it would be pointless to bother with rural since the world is so noisy no matter where you go, and why add other sounds you won’t have in a retirement community? But then I don’t want mowers coming up to the window every week like they would in a Florida park and I would still like to get people and their shit far enough away from me that I only need to sleep with just a fan or an air cleaner or maybe Alexa playing some nature sound and that’s it. I don’t want to have to continue blasting white noise via an off-dialed radio station on my old stereo. I’m sorry but right or wrong, no one should have to live like that. Or with the sound of loud power tools nearly every fucking week.

But adult communities simply aren’t what they were 30 years ago and they’re never going to be again. In fact, by the time I’m old, I’m sure the car stereos will have caught up to these places right along with the power tools. If we can just get off the busy street and further from airports, big and small, it’s got to be quieter. As far as the circular saws that are everywhere these days, maybe we can get lucky enough to get a neighbor that uses that shit once a month instead of once a week. Yeah, maybe.

Meanwhile, while we still think we’ll probably start off in a Florida park and then look for land there, we’re going to keep all our options open. If we find the ideal piece of land in the ideal location in some other state, we might take it as long as it doesn’t get too cold or snow there. It would take a hell of a place to get me to go where it snows. It’s hard, though, trying to find a place in a decent climate that’s not too far from a hospital if God forbid we ever needed to go, and that’s at least 70% white.

As a backup for if Florida messes with my asthma, allergies or sleep, we’re looking at Northeastern Texas and the desert areas of California which is the only affordable area that isn’t so expensive in this state.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 25, 2020 The new mattress pad is nice, but I found it too thick to cut up into liners for the pigs so the old one will just get thrown out.

I feel pretty well-rested for one who woke up twice to pee, once with horrible shoulder pain after lying on it wrong, TMJ pain because my mouthguard was too big, and then a funny-ish nightmare about kissing Suki and my lips getting stuck to hers. I woke up just as I was beginning to panic but managed to pry a corner of my mouth from hers.

I re-boiled the mouthguard and resized it to my lower teeth. Still comes up easily, though, since it’s not molded exactly to my teeth and is a bit wide for me since I’m small. Ordered some kids’ mouthguards, though I’m sure I can use these for a while.

While he grabbed something to hopefully help his tendonitis, I also grabbed a $10 pack of a dozen nail strips all with colors I like. Wearing one a week, I’ve now got a year’s supply unless Aly wants some more. I suggested the cuticle oil that I’ve been using. In just a few days I swear I have new growth, based on the position of my nail stickers. I use it after my shower and again before bed.

Had a feeling come over me saying that our forever house is going to be a 2006 but that makes no sense being magnets for older stuff and only having so much money. I’m sure it will be the '70s or '80s. That’s still a step up from the '40s-'60s places we usually end up in.

Sometimes I don’t know who’s worse, our nation’s thugs (notice they’re never totally innocent) or the pigs that think their job is to play judge, jury, and executioner when in fact their job is simply to arrest suspects. It’s up to the courts to decide if they’re guilty or not. SMH, at least the ped isn’t going to be assaulting anyone else sexually in the future or beating up on his family.

I wish they wouldn’t put so much shit in the news. It only sparks riots and other problems, and well, is it really my business what goes on between a thug and a pig in Wisconsin? They should at least delay things for a year or so, not to mention the fact that some of us are sick of hearing about the same damn subjects day in and day out.

The other day I was thinking about how a part of me misses emotions. I mean real emotions. Not that I would want to be as emotional as I used to be but age, experience, maturity and EMDR have definitely dulled them for the most part. I’ve come to see, though, just how much my dying hormones affected my emotions which in many ways affected my creativity. I don’t want to be as angry as I used to be. I don’t want to have any reason to feel stressed and depressed to the degree that I used to. But sometimes I miss having fun crushes on whoever wherever for they often acted as great muses for stories.

And then one of my old muses was there in my dreams…Nane. I still wouldn’t want her back in my life but that doesn’t mean she can’t be in some of my stories. Like this funny one that was based on the idea for Far from Home where she let me stay in her apartment for the sake of Christiane who died after I’d been staying with her but does all kinds of things to mess with me while I always remain one step ahead of her, in a sense. So I’m working on a story idea but not the one I had for NaNo. It’s called My Little Slave.

The funny part of the dream was that Nane wouldn’t let me come and go from the apartment while she was working because she didn’t want me to have a key to the place, so she told me it was either in or out. Not wanting to walk around aimlessly in a foreign country that gets cold and snowy, I opted to stay in. Nane ordered me to stay at the kitchen table unless I had to use the bathroom while she was gone (I at least had my own laptop I could use), insisting there were cameras all over the apartment and would make me a casserole of whatever kind the night before which would serve as my food for the following day. LOL, so I’m going to add to and expand on that idea.

Later…

Last night, the very mean, ugly and butchy Mary D popped into my mind unbidden. The one who trashed my apartment and attacked me in the late '80s when coming to pick up a record I’d borrowed for prank calling her at the house she lived in with her twin sister and BIL.

Oh, I remember it quite clearly. She came in without a word and stepped into the living room where I handed her the album. Then she picked up one of mine and smashed it on the entertainment center I had at the time. At first I don’t think I said anything because I was stunned. Next thing I knew she was toppling over that, the organ I had, and then she was throwing punches at me. I began throwing them back as hard and as fast as I could but it didn’t do me any good at all. Then she ripped the phone out of the wall, knocked me down on my back, straddled me, and proceeded to beat me in the face with the phone all the while screaming, “Call me, Jodi! Call me!”

I tried to tell her I loved her to get her off of me but she only screamed, “No! You never loved me!”

Damn right I didn’t!

But why didn’t I call the cops on her? I guess because I was never one to run to the pigs with my problems with others and had lost faith in the system. Besides, I never knew where she lived. I didn’t know at the time that a name and a number would have been enough for the cops since it was their job to track her down, but I doubt they would have put much effort into it.

Fortunately, I only had some bumps and bruises but nothing that required me to go to the hospital. I vaguely remember her calling to gloat about the attack saying, “I thought you were tough” or something like that and that she had “no intention of beating the shit out of me.”

My guess is she fought me her hardest but if she didn’t, thank God for that much because she ended up being a lot stronger than I would have guessed. I should have recognized the signs too. They were there. But young naive little me didn’t catch on when she spoke about her and others wanting to beat up some girl one time and then speeding dangerously in the car another time when I said something that pissed her off. She admitted that one was immature of her when I told her it was.

Thank God even more that I was never attracted to her. I can just imagine the hell I would have gone through being in a relationship with her.

Although she later told me she felt bad for attacking me, and while I know it was wrong of me to prank her, she’s part of what made me a very defensive and angry person. Apology or not, I would absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE a rematch with her. I’m just about a hundred percent certain the outcome would be very different a second time around. Just a feeling.

But would anything up there send anyone after me it knew I could take? Of course not!

Anyway, I wasn’t the writer or the person I am now, so I know I didn’t mention it much way back when. It was November of 1988, I just found, and I only wrote one quick paragraph in regard to it.

Didn’t know much about her but I swear she said something about her and another girl being raped by some guy and that the other girl “didn’t make it.”

Maybe that was why she was so angry and violent.

Realizing that the world has gotten so damn noisy no matter what (yeah, the cock is sawing again), I think we may as well forget rural. What would be the point if we’re still going to hear shit? We may actually hear more than just saws and loud vehicles when you add in the kids, dogs and boom stereos. Unless we get a piece of land so big that we can’t afford it or it’s in a shitty climate, we can never get far enough away not to hear people. So we may as well stay in a park and head for the coast so we can at least visit the beaches. The Venice area on the Gulf side may be ideal. I’m just tired of running from what I can’t escape. Still want to get as far away from the street as possible, though. Listening to shit while I’m awake is one thing. Being woken up by it is another.

And if there’s one thing I hate about Tom is that he never wants me to complain to anyone about anything. I do understand his paranoia to a degree, really, I do. But what are we supposed to do? Take shit all our lives and never say anything?

I can’t complain to the park about anything because A, he would rather give in to their every demand as if we’re children even though they work for us and we’re the ones paying them, and B, because the fuckers will only counter complain.

MONDAY, AUGUST 24, 2020 It’s sad that despite the Jews going through the worst shit ever being slaughtered by the millions, most have ended up doing quite well while blacks chose poverty and the thug life.

I only partially agree with this. No one chooses poverty. We certainly didn’t choose it when the economy went to hell. I believe that sometimes people really do get caught up in circumstances beyond their control. However, I do agree that criminality is a choice. No one has to be a criminal whether they have money or not. Joining gangs, rioting, stealing, drugging, killing… that’s all a choice and that’s why it’s hard to feel sorry for some people.

Woke up with a bit of a sore throat. Hopefully, it doesn’t mean anything and will go away soon enough. Also woke up to a T-storm. It didn’t wake me up. I heard it after I got up and turned the sound machine off. It’s very mild. So much so that I can smell smoke, so I’m not going out walking this morning. It’s good to give my hip a break every now and then anyway.

It’s funny because yesterday and the day before, even though I took the same route, Fitbit thought I climbed 2 floors yesterday and 3 the day before. There are only two sections that are uphill, one of them being a bit steep.

To finish up with the 23andMe results, the only thing it told Tom he was at risk of getting was celiac disease. It told me I had a variant for hereditary hemochromatosis but that it was unlikely I had an increased risk. I did have a slightly increased risk of late-onset Alzheimer’s disease and hereditary thrombophilia. We both have a typical likelihood of type 2 diabetes.

I was surprised it didn’t pick up on my thyroid and other things, but I guess not everything has a genetic component. Plus, there can be other variants not detected or that they don’t test for with some diseases.

Most surprising was that I don’t have any carrier traits. One of the many reasons I decided not to have a kid was that while I knew it was unlikely to also have atresia, I was afraid it would have so many health problems because many run in my family. That’s what my parents led me to believe too, but then I was at that age where many parents were beginning to say just about anything to deter their daughters from not focusing on careers instead.

Tom and I are not related in any way. So no incest going on here, LOL. He has more Neanderthal variants than 74% of 23andMe customers and I have more than 28%.

They got most things right but not all of them. I’ve never had a bunion, for example, and I don’t get motion sickness. But I definitely prefer sweet to salty, chocolate to vanilla, my big toe really is longer, I don’t have a unibrow, I don’t have flat feet, I wouldn’t fear public speaking, and I don’t have dandruff.

It’s so cool how I can now use Google Maps to measure distance. I always thought that the wall of the dumpy old tilted house we rented in Oregon was 40 or 50 feet away from the rental to the left that was full of young party animals before we left in 2007, but nope. It was 64 feet away.

Virginia has been spending the days elsewhere, which is probably best for her. I saw Nancy’s car there later in the day yesterday and Tom said he saw one of them bringing in a bag of stuff. I just hope she keeps the house for eight or nine more months!

For a few seconds, I thought I heard that fucking saw a couple of days ago. Definitely heard a saw, but it almost didn’t seem loud enough to be Dahl. I still can’t believe how common that shit is here of all places.

Got my wonderfully smelling cuticle oil yesterday. It smells of milk and honey. I also got the nightguards and now I’m pissed we spent hundreds to have my old dentist make me one when I can use these much cheaper disposables. Two of them came in a pack that is small enough for me and I’m sure I can use them for months before I need to get new ones.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 23, 2020 In getting my report from 23andMe yesterday, there was definitely a lot of surprise, a little disappointment, and a whole lot of funny.

I had asked Norma a while back if I could be Ashkenazi (my GYN said they have an increased risk of breast cancer) and she said she didn’t think so since I didn’t have dark eyes and because I’m pale-skinned. it was soon determined, or so I thought, that I was probably Litvak. So when I read that I was 99% Ashkenazi, I was like wow! Norma was surprised as well when I shared the news with her.

Where there was a slight bit of disappointment was that when I first glanced at the ancestry composition, I expected a long list of percentage breakdowns of all the different countries I supposedly originated from, as I’ve seen in sample reports. Yet there was virtually nothing there that was kind of boring, LOL. Okay, I’m 99.3% “broadly” European. I’m broadly 0.2% East Asian & Native American, broadly 0.2% Western Asian & North African, and then there’s 0.3% that’s unassigned. I guess unassigned means that they don’t yet have enough data collected to get any real definitive information and some areas, even though they tell me I have shared DNA with 1365 customers and 75 of them are “close” relatives. That’s why, the more people that submit samples, the percentages of our origins can change over time. So I’ll have to look for updates periodically.

The fact that the mitochondrial Eve, the mother of all humans, lived in Eastern Africa over 150K years ago makes me wonder if that explains the 0.2% African in me even though it says “North” African.

The Jews started out in East Asia which could also explain the tiny speck of Asian in me, and they eventually settled in Central and Eastern Europe, later migrating to America and other places in hopes of gaining acceptance in escaping persecution. So instead of showing me a list of countries, they just showed me a region which is what I expected it to be. It told me 100% of my relatives are Ashkenazi and 77% of them were less likely to live near a farm when they were young.

Just like not all blacks are quite the same since some can be American, Haitian, Jamaican, African, etc., we come in a variety as well with Mizrahi, Sephardic, Ethiopian, Hasidic, and the most common which is Ashkenazi. Thanks to Shitler, though, I am a very unique breed with only 10 to 12 million of us left on Earth and about 5 million in the US. I always did say no one had it as bad as the Jews (and gays) for a reason.

Jews were the least diverse in that they were very strict about marrying other Jews but that was mostly because they were forbidden to do so like blacks and whites were once forbidden to marry. Over the years there has been more inbreeding. Tom and I are an example of a mixed marriage, so I’m learning.

Yeah, this is the funny part. We used to “argue” in a funny way about being a bi-racial couple. He always insisted that’s what we were, and I was like, “Naw, Jewish is a religion, not a race. I’m white, you’re white…”

But I guess it really is both, LOL. We get a kick out of the name Ashkenazi too because it sounds so Indian. As silly as it may sound, I felt a surge of pride to be this unique Ashkenazi despite not doing anything to earn it, and the fact that I don’t have an exciting mix of things in my heritage.

Also funny was how Tom joked about me being the purebred while he was the mutt, LOL. It’s true, too. His composition looked more typical with him being 99.6% European, 36.9% French & German, 26.7% Scandinavian, 22.7% British & Irish, and 0.6% Finnish. He also had something like 1% unassigned.

This entry is getting a bit long so I will save additional info I’ve learned for another time.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 22, 2020 We could get our DNA results as early as today since they’re now being computed, but we’re hoping Monday at the latest.

Today’s Nane’s birthday. She would now be 60 years old. And she’s never going to be allowed back into my life either, not that she would ever want to be. Still, it makes me proud of myself to be able to say that and mean it. :-) Same goes for Maliheh, Andy, Paula, the termites, and anyone else who either dumped me or that I dumped.

Went on a half-hour walk yesterday afternoon which was about 2,600 steps. Still not quite making 10K, but I think the half-hour of activity 5 days a week is more important. Besides, more is not better. I just read a health article that talks about studies proving that more is actually bad for you just like underexercising can be.

Had some hip pain and I thought I would be in for a ton of it today but I’m fine so far. I’ll probably go on another walk in a couple of hours. Walking in a gated community in a dry climate is the ONLY thing I’m going to miss other than a few of my neighbors and doctors, so I’m going to make the most of it and take every opportunity I get to get out there.

Nail foil is not the way to go. At least not for me, it isn’t. It might be better to decorate things with but not my nails. It looks too much like chipped nail polish. It’s virtually impossible to get an entire full-nail transfer. I wanted to foil the ugly olive strips that were included in this weekend’s set which also has black and white marble strips. I like black marble a lot, but don’t care for white marble much. It looks like white polish with a few faint gray smudges as if something brushed against it.

Nail polish is going to be my best bet for altering the less appealing colors. I did a test to see if I could polish them while still on the wax paper they come on, figuring it would be easier to get even coverage that way and a great way to avoid getting any polish in my cuticles, but I found that after I let it dry and I lifted the strip, it also pulled up the nail polish that spilled over the edges and that wouldn’t be something I could trim off easily. Better to just polish the strips after they’ve been applied to my nails. I’m mostly steady-handed so if I take my time, I can get most of it where I want it to be.

I had some spares, so I tore off the three strips I foiled and replaced them with a couple of dark red glitter strips and a rainbow strip. The glitter is harder to see in the darker colors, I’ve noticed. I was going to throw some polish over the three olive strips on my right hand but decided I would wait until my holographic topcoat arrived. I think that’s due tomorrow. Today I get my cuticle oil and hair dye. Monday comes the new mattress pad and Tuesday comes the new mouthguards.

ANCESTRY

Neanderthal Ancestry 225 Variants Ashkenazi Jewish 99.0% Ashkenazi Jewish

HEALTH PREDISPOSITION

Hereditary Hemochromatosis (HFE Related) Variant detected, not likely at increased risk

Hereditary Thrombophilia Slightly increased risk

Late-Onset Alzheimer’s Disease Slightly increased risk

Type 2 Diabetes Typical likelihood

WELLNESS

Alcohol Flush Reaction Unlikely to flush Oh, but I do feel a warm flush, mostly in my face, when I drink.

Caffeine Consumption Likely to consume less (If one cup a day is “less”)

Deep Sleep Less likely to be a deep sleeper

Genetic Weight Predisposed to weigh less than average (Yup)

Lactose Intolerance Likely intolerant (Somewhat)

Muscle Composition Common in elite power athletes (Definitely have been naturally muscular most of my life)

Saturated Fat and Weight Likely similar weight (Not sure what this means)

Sleep Movement Likely more than average movement

TRAITS

Ability to Match Musical Pitch About a 50/50 chance of being able to match a musical pitch (I’m actually pretty good at this. Can’t put a number on it but it’s higher than 50.)

Asparagus Odor Detection Likely can smell

Bitter Taste Likely can’t taste

Bunions More likely than average to have had a bunion (Never had one)

Cheek Dimples Likely no dimples

Cilantro Taste Aversion Slightly higher odds of disliking cilantro

Cleft Chin Likely no cleft chin

Dandruff Less likely to get dandruff

Earlobe Type Likely detached earlobes

Earwax Type Likely wet earwax (Ew!)

Eye Color Likely brown or hazel eyes (Wrong. Started off hazel, went green in my early 20s)

Fear of Heights More likely than average to be afraid of heights (Not unless they’re open heights)

Fear of Public Speaking Less likely to have a fear of public speaking

Finger Length Ratio Likely ring finger longer

Flat Feet Less likely than average to have flat feet

Freckles Likely a lot of freckles (Nope)

Hair Photobleaching More likely to experience hair photobleaching (Yes! My hair got much lighter upon moving to Arizona)

Hair Texture Likely straight or wavy (Nope. Curly)

Hair Thickness Less likely to have thick hair (Had very thick hair when I was younger)

Ice Cream Flavor Preference More likely to prefer chocolate over vanilla ice cream

Light or Dark Hair Likely dark

Misophonia Average odds of hating chewing sounds (OMG, I HATE the sound of chewing!)

Mosquito Bite Frequency Likely bitten more often than others

Motion Sickness More likely to experience motion sickness (I don’t)

Newborn Hair Likely lots of baby hair (Yup)

Photic Sneeze Reflex Likely no photic sneeze reflex

Red Hair Likely no red hair (I have 1%, hubs has 6%)

Skin Pigmentation Likely lighter skin

Stretch Marks About a 50/50 chance of having stretch marks

Sweet vs. Salty Likely prefers sweet

Toe Length Ratio Likely big toe longer

Unibrow Likely no unibrow

Wake-Up Time Likely to wake up around 7:34 am (LMAO! Tell that to another circadian rhythm disorder person like me.)

Widow’s Peak Likely no widow’s peak (Had one when I was younger)

FRIDAY, AUGUST 21, 2020 Yay, my DNA is in review now! So is his, so we’re in the same batch.

I slept better and woke up feeling more rested but now the fatigue is setting in yet again. Perhaps that’s because I’ve had nothing but junk since getting up. A huge TV dinner and ice cream. I’ll get some blueberries into me soon. Plus a 100-calorie pack of cashews.

Don’t know if I’m going to be going out walking this morning because of the smoke due to the fires coming from Vacaville. That’s about 45 miles from us. Yesterday, just opening the front door to receive groceries gave me quite a whiff of smoke and it made my lungs tight enough to need a puff of my inhaler. Tom didn’t do any outside work.

Fitbit asked Tom if he would be willing to participate in an experiment that he agreed to and that he may ultimately get paid for. They want to study his HR. We’re guessing this study is for people in their 60s.

He got a sleep score of 90 the other day. I can’t imagine ever getting mine that high. It was 88 the last time around, and my heart went down to 65.

The dentist texted me the other day saying to watch for the latest COVID-19 instructions 2 hours before my appointment next week. Definitely looking forward to getting my teeth cleaned. They’re overdue and kind of yucky-looking. Time for new mouthguards too as this one is getting kind of old and gross. I soaked it in peroxide earlier.

In just a couple of weeks, I will have been alive for 20K days. If I’m right about not making it to 80, then I should have less than 10K days to go. I’m okay with that too. The world and the people in it have always been fucked up but it just seems to be getting worse and worse with time. Plus I still get bored a lot. How many thousands of days could I do the same things over and over again? I just hope my death isn’t too torturous and that there’s no afterlife!

I had a dream we were living somewhere and were both up late one night when I heard a motorcycle tear out of the park. I could still hear it once outside the park over 1000 feet away and was worried that we’d never be able to get far enough away from them for me to not have to blast the sound machine while sleeping.

This is a real concern of mine too. Especially when motorcycles are even more abundant in Florida. Had they been roaring by our place in Maricopa, even though the bedroom was about 150 feet away from the street, it would have woken me up even with the box fan I would sleep with. But motorcycles have never been a problem for me until I came here, and I know they’re worse in Florida, both from what I heard when I was there and read online.

I didn’t hear any in the park throughout the night, but I heard plenty of them blazing down the freeway. That may not be nearly as maddening as when they go by the house but they’re still audible enough, especially at night when sound carries easier.

Interestingly enough, I also had a dream about that cold-hearted bigot Rosemarie from the Vista Ventana apartment complex that apparently made more of a lasting impression on me than I would have imagined given the very brief time I knew the gorgeous Italian hater.

I guess we ended up living in the same apartment building or maybe they were rented rooms or something. Either way, we eventually recognized each other, and I told her I would never be the pest I was years ago, something I would never say since I was never a pest in any way. But we seemed to put the past behind us and get along, eventually connecting on Facebook. I sat silently watching in the background and then one day she said she was glad that Rick, the guy she was with at the time I knew her in real life, was long gone because he was such an asshole. I was sure to “like” that one.

In real life, he seemed like he was a very controlling and probably abusive guy. I believe Rosemarie was indeed straight and uncomfortable around lesbians and bisexual women, but I always wondered if things might have turned out differently had Rick not been around to be such a negative influence on her. Perhaps we would have been friends. Who the hell goes from claiming to be understanding and accepting one minute to telling me that they thought about it and were too religious to bother with my kind the next? Regardless, it was one of many glimpses into the darkness and dishonesty the lies within so many people’s hearts shown to me between the late 80s and early 90s which helped to shape me into the distrusting and non-sociable person I became. What I could really kick myself for most was how forgiving I remained so late in life. So many people I took back into my life that I never should have. An apology meant everything to me and was the magic word for making things better. Never again! Once a person proves to be a problem, that’s it. I’m done. I don’t have to be forced to go to school with anyone of toxic nature, and I don’t have to work with anyone who’s fucked up, so there’s no need or reason to put up with any drama unnecessarily. Why put myself through that and do that to myself when I’ve had more than enough? Definitely better to have just a few close friends than dive into a sea of people which I’m smart enough to know is mostly going to bring trouble. Even Tom’s had enough bad experiences with people to have smartened up. But he’s smarter than me. He caught on way before I did. The only reason I accepted the termite back into my life was to get my hands on whatever money I could when our parents died to help us move. As soon as I had the money, I should have bailed.

I wasn’t at all surprised to read that countries run by women have been more successful in dealing with the virus. I’ve always believed women, in general, were smarter than men (except for Tom). Better looking too, for the most part, LOL. It’s about time people are finally seeing this and that there is no “weaker” sex. There’s more to fighting than size and gender. Like rage, determination, fitness level, and other things.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 20, 2020 It’s great to see the serious or critical down by about 5,000 cases. They say we can expect another surge at the end of the year but hopefully, that will be the last one and we’ll have access to a vaccine early next year.

First day under the triple digits in a while. It’s even getting down to 65 degrees tonight instead of 75 as it has been. The 10-cast says we’re going to range between 97 and 100 degrees.

Bet the guy across the street is just itching to jump out and grab that fucking saw, aren’t you, you little cock? At least it will make it easier for Tom to work outdoors. The new fence isn’t up yet but he’s been cleaning the gutter that runs alongside the carport.

Went out for a 15-minute walk yesterday morning at 6:30 since I did 15 minutes on the treadmill earlier. The sky was tainted brown due to the fires and I could make out the faint smell of smoke.

There are two definite new markings on Tandy at both ends of the street. If prayer actually worked, I would be down on my knees praying that they don’t work in the street by our place before we leave!

My hip pain started up yesterday but it’s not too bad today. Didn’t sleep so well either. Kept waking up a lot. Twice I had to get up and pee and once due to loud traffic blasting by. Sometimes I woke up just because. He cooked something strong-smelling, though I’m not sure if the smell woke me up or if I woke up and then smelled it.

I feel like I’m stuck in one big waiting game now with so many months ahead of us. We’re still eight or nine months away from moving. I’m excited but nervous. I just can’t picture us lucky enough to go straight from this place to a new home, though. No, something up there must fuck with us and delay things, so we’re stuck in an extended-stay hotel for a while and losing money which would delay moving from the temporary home even more. I’m surprised there were delays getting into this place as noisy as it is. If it were up to me, though, I would rather leave now and spend a couple of weeks in a hotel before getting into the house as opposed to waiting nearly a year and going straight to the house.

The biggest negative to owning is that it’s so hard to move when you want to! You can’t just up and go whenever yet in most cases it’s cheaper to own than rent. Even the one-bedroom apartments around here are more than this place and I can’t stand living attached to others anyway since adding door slamming, footsteps, TVs, music and voices to all the outside commotion is definitely not something I could ever get into.

Still no Bob obit, so I’m guessing there never will be. I wonder why. It just seems strange. Maybe everybody hated the guy. That family isn’t hurting for money, so they could definitely afford one.

12:40 a.m. and a commercial just passed overhead. In another 10-15 days, they’re going to be driving me crazy.

Came up with a story idea but I’m thinking I’m going to just wait until NaNoWriMo as I don’t expect to get another one between now and then.

Ran out to Rite-Aid yesterday.

It seems the thing Aly told Molly she would find out who was behind was a Twitter account pretending to be a celebrity Molly’s really into, Nick Carter. That totally smacks of Kim but if she’s not allowed online, then it’s obviously someone else fucking with her.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19, 2020 OMG, I’ve learned to make the best scrambled eggs ever! First I crack the eggs into a bowl and spray the surface with butter spray. Then I add some garlic salt, minced onion, and shredded cheese, and mix it all up. So delicious! But I really should wait until I talk to my doctor in October about that thing I read saying eggs don’t raise cholesterol levels like saturated fat and see what she thinks. Just because I probably wouldn’t opt in for chemo if I had cancer doesn’t mean I want to hasten my death along either.

Looks like the spots on my back are healing so maybe they weren’t pre-cancerous spots. We’re keeping an eye on them and I’ll decide when I see my doctor if they’re worth mentioning or not. I’ve had suspicious spots before that went away, like the one on my chest.

Got the nail glue today which came with a cute little case of 10 solid-colored glitter foils. I not only learned that I really needed that glue but that the longer you keep the foil on before peeling it off, the more of the design will transfer. I think it will be best to get solid colors rather than foils with flowers and other designs because it’s hard to transfer the entire thing. I’m finding it’s best for making random streaks of color. I did the nail with turquoise polish with shots of red, royal blue and silver. Did the dark red nail strip with royal blue, gold and a speck of green. So multicolored nails are the easiest to create. Didn’t need to cure it either. I just threw a topcoat over it. So from now on, any boring colored nail polish strips that are included in the sets I get will be dressed up with shots of color.

Grabbed some cuticle oil along with what should be my last 3-pack of hair dye in this place. I usually do it every few months, so I’ll probably dye my hair in September, December and March.

I’m glad I didn’t send Aly any more nail strips because just when she thought the nail hardener was helping her nails, they’re brittle and breaking again. She’s going to ask her doctor about it when she sees them.

She’s really stressed out right now and considering moving home when her lease is up because her mother isn’t eating. She lost 45 lbs and is really frail and does nothing but lie around. Her dad isn’t doing well either and she’s scared for them. Guess that’s why I haven’t had the feeling that they would make it to Florida, unfortunately, but they are old. Not really old but they’re in their seventies.

I hate to do it since I’ve been feeling great but I’m cutting doses and waiting time this week because I just don’t see myself being able to make it without getting anxious all the way into early October when I go to the lab. After the lab, we’ll see if I can beat my 10-week record.

I’ve been getting a lot of spam calls from my area code, but I can never find out who the hell the numbers go to. A couple of them have green verified checks next to them but they never leave a message. The only message I got today was a 3-minute message in which only soft office sounds could be heard in the background. It’s got to be some type of spam or scam for them not to be leaving real messages and to keep calling from different numbers as if they expect to be blocked or something. Whenever I try to find out who owns the numbers, I don’t get any concrete answers but a mix of possibilities instead. I suppose one could never know for sure since anyone could get phone numbers, email addresses, and pretty much anything in a bogus name. So I’m thinking spam or scam like maybe they want to try to get “donations” for some fictitious cause.

Slept well for 6 hours and 20 minutes with a sleep score of 88. Got up once to pee, and don’t remember any dreams.

Going to be running out to Rite Aid when they open in the morning. I might do a pre-dawn walk but I’m not sure yet. I’ll definitely hit the Bowflex and do some indoor cardio.

I was sitting here thinking about how I was wrong in believing we would always be broke. Now if only I could find next year that I’m just as wrong in believing we’ll never have a place we both absolutely love. That’s more complicated than money. With money, you either have it or you don’t. But when it comes to where you live, there are a number of factors that can make it either good or bad.

On the bright side, if we had a place, I totally fell in love with I would only worry we’d lose it. It always seems harder to stay in the good places even though we’ll never be in the kind of predicament we were in 20 years ago because things are so much different now in so many ways.

I’m never going to have a peaceful place to live. I get that. Just wasn’t meant to be. But I think we can do better than this place. We can certainly improve the climate as well even if it means bringing on the humidity.

The nights are still peaceful but in a few weeks, they won’t be.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 18, 2020 I was right in guessing that I would be tired today although I’m not that tired. Took a sugar crash nap for an hour after eating some candy, then got up, tidied up the kitchen after throwing a couple of BBQ ribs in the slow cooker, and launched the robot vacuum.

I renamed the very first Alexa we got to “Tall” since we have five different Echo devices and I figured it would be easier to keep track of which is which that way. The other one I renamed was the white one without the clock that the termite lost out on. Appropriately, I renamed it “Termite.”

The white one without the clock was okay in the bedroom except it’s too muffled-sounding for reading, so right now I have Tall in there and the one with the clock is out in the living room. The first black Dot and Termite are currently offline. Tom has the second black Dot.

I complained to the seller that sent only half of the nail foils they said they would send and was surprised to receive a full refund. They said some senseless thing about me being sent something that was returned or something like that, but either way, I guess sometimes complaining really does pay. Literally.

Still haven’t gotten 10K steps yet due to either being tired or because of where my schedule is now, but I have made a point of getting 30 minutes or more of activity 5 days a week. Might take a break from cardio today but not the Bowflex.

It’s the strangest phenomenon ever, but my body will absolutely not budge below 153-154. What matters most is that I found a way to keep from gaining to the point that I hit the 160s, but it is weird. My body really wants that extra weight. It hasn’t killed me yet, though, and it won’t kill me to live another twenty-something years with it. So I can’t do jumping jacks or hop on one foot. Big deal. As soon as my weight reaches 157, I can always low-carb back down 2-3 pounds and that’s good enough for me.

I had two different dreams about moving, only we didn’t move to the country or to a park. The first place seemed kind of industrialized and not at all like it would be peaceful. When I looked out the window at the side of the place, I found it overlooked a parking lot. A truck was pulling into the garage of what looked like an auto mechanic shop.

Decided to sleep in the bedroom furthest from it, but the front, which was where the bedrooms were was horribly close to the street. My bed was practically right on top of the street and I could imagine all the screaming kids passing by on their way to and from school along with the traffic.

The second house seemed to be very spacious. Towards the middle of the place in the back, I noticed that Tom opened a couple of windows and thought it was nice that we could do that there without letting in so much noise.

Then I spotted a spider and ran to get the vacuum to suck it up off its web. However, when I returned with a vacuum, the spider was gone. So then I picked up a can of bug spray only to find that the little nozzle you spray it with was missing.

Then I gave up on the spider and walked towards the side of the house where I caught a glimpse of an old man sitting down in a lawn chair in his backyard. He was perhaps 40 feet away.

Then I walked to the front corner of the house. There was a large area of space between the kitchen and where the front door. I looked out the door and saw the blur of movement between fence planks as a little kid played with her dog next door which stuck out in front of our place. This place was next to the old man, but the old man’s house faced a different street than our house and the house with the kid and dog.

Suddenly, the mother and the little girl that had been playing next door were just outside our place and we were introducing ourselves. I told her my husband was napping at the moment. She had 3 kids which she said were noisy and I said that I thought they were quiet and that I only heard them if I went right up to my door which I didn’t have any reason to do very often.

Then I was patting an outdoor pet of theirs which seemed to resemble a baby giraffe.

Lastly, the little girl dropped something, and I bent down to pick it up, but the mother said, “I got it.”

In the last dream, I swore I got off. Not sure if I came for real or just in the dream but as usual, I didn’t seem to have a partner, male or female. It was like I was doing myself.

Oh, how interesting. Just peeked in on Molly’s Twitter account which is now being followed by an account of Aly’s that she said she created a few months ago but wasn’t sure what to do with it. Molly complained about some strange email or something to that effect, and Aly asked if Roman, one of the guys Molly is obsessed with, is the pranking type. But she has her theory, she says. Then she said to give her the account or number and she was sure she could find out who was really behind it.

But how? Because she has a paid search or because she can hack it? But if she could hack accounts that easily like Prosebox which doesn’t alert users to unrecognized browsers logging in, then why hasn’t she messed with anything of mine there? Wouldn’t she want to delete some of the things I’ve said about her that she may not like or agree with? Or maybe she feels going that far would get her in trouble and cause me to restrict my writing to sites she couldn’t hack as easily?

Of course, she has the account I’m connected to her on blocked to keep it from being suggested to me, but surprisingly, she didn’t block my private account. So maybe she really doesn’t know about it then, although a paid search may point it out to her since I did use a valid email to sign up for that account. If I have to verify an email address, I have no choice.

Seems she’s hesitant to blog or incorporate pent-up anger into stories to share for fear of “harming” friendships. Says not everyone needs to know her every thought anyway and that it’s better that way.

Yeah, I’ve had more than enough of the race-related shit but it’s statements like this that make me wonder just how true a friend she is. Or how honest. I learned a long time ago that she doesn’t always say what’s on her mind and can be very two-faced by telling me everything’s okay and then “secretly” tweeting just the opposite. She told Molly that Sunday was an awful day and while she did mention skin and tummy issues to me, she didn’t describe them as “awful.” In fact, she said she was in better spirits when I asked her if she was.

She’s so damn sensitive and fragile that anything I say, no matter how harmless it may seem at least to me and most people, could offend her. I stopped worrying so much about that, though, not that I don’t care but because I have to be me. I can’t babysit her feelings and constantly try to guess whether or not she may take something I say the wrong way. Some things are obvious, but I could tell her I don’t like the colors olive or mustard yellow and she could take it personally for all I know.

Really hope she doesn’t have a way of finding out that I’m now aware of and watching this account because I’d love to see what she may say or hint about me. On the other hand, she knows she could be found if she’s unprotected, so we’ll see. It will be interesting to see if she happens to change handles or get rid of the account soon because if she does it will definitely make me think she has a way of tracking her Twitter visitors that I don’t know about.

MONDAY, AUGUST 17, 2020 Got up to 111 degrees yesterday. The triple-digit days are going to last for the rest of the month if not close to it.

The freeway is definitely getting louder and I’m sure the planes will as well. Still not sure if we don’t hear the planes in the summer because we don’t hear the freeway, but I’m dreading their return either way. It is just so damn annoying! The small planes and helicopters you hear from mid-June until now are still more than I’ve ever heard at night anywhere else but damn peaceful compared to the rest of the year. We can’t escape the saws and projects but we can definitely escape the busy streets and flight paths, which I’m looking so forward to doing. If I feel tears of joy and excitement just thinking about the day we leave this place now, I can just imagine how I’ll be when that day arrives!

I get that going rural means adding barking dogs, screaming kids, and loud music but if we could find a piece of land big enough and situated far enough away from the neighbors, it’s got to be better than a park.

I put my original Fitbit band back on because I like being able to wear it on my ankle and I couldn’t with the other one. You really need a bigger wrist for the other one but it still fits well enough to wear when I’m going out and things like that.

Again I got a sleep score of 89. I slept for 6 hours and 45 minutes. The lowest I’ve seen my heart was 65 but that was just one time. It usually drops to about 67-68. So far, I’ve learned that I don’t sleep an average of 8-9 hours like I thought but more like 7-8.

23andMe is now saying they expect my results as early as the third rather than the second. His still says the second. What, are my chromosomes more complicated or something?

We’re still slowly prepping for the upcoming move. Thus far he’s mostly been concentrating on the outside, but the heatwave has been slowing that down a bit.

He’s going to show me how to use his adhesive melting thing so I can remove most of the stickers. The little basket of flowers in the bathroom can stay and maybe even the flowers in the bedroom and master bath. It’s the rats, stripper, and large rainbow daisy that need to go. Well, I’m not so sure about the daisy but the dancers in the laundry room can go.

I thought I was hearing things, but nope. We really did get a burst of rain just now. Probably because of the excessive heat. I’m hearing thunder now too.

Got some nail foil glue, a glitter topcoat, and a new mattress pad on the way. This plush pillowtop pad is just over 3 years old and many of the fluffy pockets have gone flat. Gonna cut it up to make disposable liners for the pigs when the new one arrives. They’ll love it.

Oh, fuck. Just heard a commercial. Ugh. So glad this is the last year of this shit!

As I’ve said, the current plan is to share the termite excerpt a year after we move. I think I might begin my message to them, childish or not, by saying that I got their “apology” on one of my blogs, still want nothing to do with them, but here are the excerpts they asked for, LOL.

Can’t wait to get my teeth cleaned. They definitely need it. They’re filthy. I can see the plaque and tartar buildup between the teeth, especially the bottom ones. It’s making my mouth feel not so clean and it can give you bad breath, not to mention lead to cavities, especially with me. So they’re definitely overdue to be done. I just hope no new cavities are discovered! They may be a lot easier to deal with these days, but they still cost money.

The thunder is getting closer.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 16, 2020 Realizing I no longer needed the Alexa clock giving off unwanted light when I sleep at night, I swapped it out with the one the termite lost out on. It was then that I remembered that this one has issues reading books. Its speaker is messed up and causes a hissing sound. If that happens again, and I’m sure it will, I’ll take the one in the kitchen into the bedroom and put the clock one in the kitchen.

I forgot to put my Fitbit back on after my shower yesterday evening. I would love to go out for a walk now but it’s much too warm. Fuck it. I think I’m going to go anyway after I post this entry. I’ll just stick to this side of the circle and hope I don’t see any skunks. They’re easier to get away from on foot. I can turn myself around a lot easier than I can a bike if I see one heading my way. Wonder if heading uphill from next door to our place will count as a floor climb.

Where my heart is average to good, his is good to excellent. Luckily, healthy hearts run in his family which is the opposite of mine.

Got my best sleep score yet of 89 and I feel much more rested than yesterday, but you know me…in another day or two, I’ll be tired again. I don’t understand why I sleep shitty so much of the time. I know my sleep disorder doesn’t help since it’s not good to not be able to keep a schedule. Age and the stress of the noisy street are probably the biggest factors.

Couldn’t sleep on the airbed as comfortable as it is because it was a bit too high and “wobbly” being on top of the other mattress. So it’s folded and safely tucked away in the closet for me to sleep on when we get to Florida. The only negatives to the airbed are worrying about it leaking and it does cause a pain right above my tailbone that almost feels like my lower body is trying to detach from my upper body or something, so I can see where waterbeds would be bad. Especially now that I’m older and fatter. I’ll just get cheap coils every 3-4 years. Still glad we got this thing because like I said, I can sleep on it when we move until I get a new mattress, and it helped me decide the best way to go. I just can’t see a high-end mattress lasting the rest of my life but if I can find one comfortable enough that will, great. No way I’m ordering something like that online, though. We need to go to a mattress store so I can lay on it even if it means dealing with pesky salespeople. Glad we don’t have to go to furniture stores for the rest of the furniture although this couch ended up being a lot nicer looking than it feels. It’s much too firm.

I’m learning from Aly that there are regional differences between the meanings of words. Where to say you want to jump someone back East means you want to kick their ass, I learned a long time ago that it means you want to get them in bed in the West. Well, apparently, envy and jealousy have different meanings in different locations as well. To me, I’m jealous of the murderer who gets to remain free and live a great life in great health while I envy the lottery winner.

Had a dream I was indoors in a large room that had several Jacuzzis in it. My former GYN was sitting on the steps of one of them talking to someone while she smoked a cigarette. I was surprised to find she smoked and thought that if she was so heavy as a smoker, I’d hate to think of what she might gain if she quit.

Then I was in a long corridor. She came running down it saying she had to puke. She entered a bathroom off the corridor, and I could hear her barfing behind the door.

The nail foils are a bust without the special glue they need, and I’m not too happy that they sent half of what they said they’d send, so I messaged them. Really hoped I could use them with just a clear coat of nail polish but nope. I’ll grab some glue the next time we need something from Amazon, plus a holographic topcoat I like.

Love how I can use my metallic polishes on the strips I don’t like as much. The ones I put on looked better on the sheet than they do on my nails. The accent strips are fine, but I don’t like the dark dull red ones, so I threw polish over those.

Even though I’m not keeping the dresser, I decorated the knobs with some of them too, just for fun.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 14, 2020 My skin cancer is back or at least what could be pre-cancerous spots. The one she sprayed is back and I have another one that’s smaller also on my back. I’ll have to have her spray them when I see her in a couple of months. It’s probably basal or squamous and although these cancers aren’t as aggressive or as deadly as melanoma, they can get into the bones and tissue and cause disfigurement if left untreated. Had a little bit of bleeding with the first one last night.

Really REALLY getting sick and fucking tired of being tired every 2-3 days. I knew I would be today, too. Wish I could get used to it. Hope to hell I’m not tired on moving day! I would assume that the stress of sleeping on such a busy street with so much loud traffic is a big factor, but I won’t know for sure until we move. This could just be how I am now, and I could very well be looking at spending the rest of my life tired a third of the time. I sure hope not! Not sure what else could be going on to cause me such fatigue and to not always sleep so well, but I’m sure age is a part of it. I remember one of the times I woke up was because the nature sounds playing on Alexa stopped. It does that sometimes.

My sleep score was 84 and I slept for 6 hours and 44 minutes.

Will be sleeping on the twin airbed tonight or more like tomorrow morning. It’s way comfier. Just a little “wobbly,” and I can’t use the body pillow because it’s too narrow. Maybe I’ll get a double sometime with a thinner mattress to put underneath to catch me when it leaks since these things don’t last long at all. It’s slightly tricky to climb into but easy enough to slide out of. Hopefully, I can stop waking up to pee as often as I have.

Made it over 9k steps yesterday but was pissed to have done a half-hour of activity just to have it record only 21 minutes. Guess I skied too slowly at times. Today I’m not going to get shit for steps or exercise. Too tired.

Got my new Fitbit band. Not as shiny as I thought it would be but it’s still nice and stylish. It’s easier to get on and off too.

My hair is getting long again. I can now reach the ends when the hair is pulled straight from being wet in the shower by reaching from my lower back and upward.

Right after I mentioned not being able to hear the freeway yet, I noticed the soft whisper of it when I was in the bathroom at 3 a.m. yesterday, so it’s slowly trickling back in. It’s the fucking onslaught of planes I dread the most.

Got an email at 7 p.m. saying they’re now genotyping my DNA. Exciting!

Dr. H is showing up again under Suggestions. All three of them are.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 13, 2020 Really wanted to go out walking before it was dark enough for the skunks to come out but it’s going to be too hot for the next week or so. Once I start sleeping later, I’ll go out early in the morning. I ran out to dump some trash just after 10 p.m. and it was still a sauna out. In Arizona, that was common. But not here. It usually cools off after dark.

Fitbit said I slept for 8.5 hours and this time I got a sleep score of 85. However, I feel more rested today than I did yesterday with a score of 88. HR dropped to 65. The bulk trash collectors picked the right time to wake me up because I was getting up at that time anyway. Had they come any earlier, I probably would have ended up tired, especially if I couldn’t get back to sleep. I don’t think I’ll be so lucky tomorrow when the regular trash collectors come. They’re going to come earlier.

Fitbit also says my heart is average-good for my age and all that. I crushed my 30-minute activity goal today, but I doubt I’ll hit 10K steps getting up late in the day as I did. It will be close, though.

We were excited to learn that they finally got our spit, there’s enough, and it’s not contaminated or anything like that for analysis. It’s now in the queue for the DNA cells to be extracted from the spit! We should have our results on September 2nd or September 17th at the latest. Can’t wait!

Tom said Virginia wasn’t home all day. She didn’t get back until after 8 (at least I’m guessing it was her), so maybe she spent the day elsewhere. I hope she’s not having serious health issues, but you never know since it’s not uncommon for couples who have been together for decades to die within the same time frame.

I’ve noticed my bite has been slightly off lately where the teeth on the right side almost seem a bit longer, but I wonder if it’s why my TMJ has been so much better lately. My bite isn’t bothersome in any way. It doesn’t affect how I chew or anything like that. It’s just barely noticeable.

Just two and a half weeks to go before the commercial planes will be driving me crazy by the dozens. Since they’ve been a problem from fall to spring the last couple of years, I doubt they would change flight paths this soon. Not looking forward to that at all! Can’t hear the freeway yet but that should be anytime now. So glad this will be our last winter here! For now, I’m going to continue to enjoy the mostly quiet nights that are left to enjoy.

The colorful sink strainers arrived today. I’m using the pink and blue ones and at the end of the year, I’ll switch them out for the yellow and orange. The rubbery part gets kind of yucky after a while.

I had a bunch of dreams but the only ones I remember are rearranging a large room with Tom somewhere and then another dream where I was young and single again. Maybe another dimension?

Anyway, there was this woman I was interested in and I kept hoping things would go further but wasn’t sure she was as into me as I was into her. I dropped hints about advancing to intimacy as she was driving me to her place one evening. Her house had one long big hallway running through the center of it. All the rooms were off to the sides. She gave me a tour of the rooms on one side and then said she had to pee. I asked if I could check out the room across the hall while she was in the bathroom.

With tomorrow’s Walmart order, I’m getting (hopefully) a $9 twin airbed like I would get for the RV on the mountain and when we first moved into places and had yet to get any real furniture. Always thought those were the most comfortable things I ever slept on. I’m hoping it will help my hip and keep me cooler since those things tend to be cold. So cold that during the cooler months, you need more than just a thin sheet over it. Might not need anything at all since it’s summer.

Not saying I’m going to do this, but I might just cycle through these cheap airbeds which don’t last long, rather than get a luxury mattress when we get settled wherever since the costs are actually similar, maybe even cheaper. I would get a platform that didn’t have screw heads that could poke holes in it like this one has and then use a foam or coil mattress as a base to catch me if I bottomed out in my sleep. I would always have a backup on hand, too.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 12, 2020 Last night I felt like I could be on the verge of a wave of anxiety but next week I was going to cut the waiting time 3 days and my pill 2 days anyway. So I’ll definitely do that at that time unless it gets worse before then. Then I should be good for labs as I can now usually go at least 6 weeks without getting anxious. I felt fine today but I’m still going to drop my level a teeny bit.

Learned from 23andMe that people with O blood types are between 9-18% less likely than individuals with other blood types to test positive for the virus. Well, Tom is type O so that’s great. I don’t know what I am.

I like that you can use foil transfers on other things besides nails. Saw a picture of someone who used them for their crafts. Maybe I can decorate some things with some of them like the knobs on my dresser even though I don’t plan on taking it with me. I hope I don’t have to get foil glue, but I don’t think I will. I think they should work with polish or topcoats.

We’re going to be in for quite a heatwave, coming close to 110 degrees a few days in a row.

Why is Fitbit telling me I can eat 1519 calories? I’m not actively trying to lose weight and I haven’t for a while since deciding to just accept myself as I am, but 4 years ago I set my goal to 1200 calories. Today it’s saying I can have 1388 cals. I don’t get it.

I should try to get in the habit of throwing it in the charger when I’m showering. I don’t always hit 10K steps, though, especially if I get up late morning or early afternoon. Being tired doesn’t help either. Got the same sleep score of 88 yesterday after sleeping 9 hours and 6 minutes but didn’t awake feeling refreshed. Woke up too many times along the way, I guess. Just a bit stressed over my schedule for my appointment in a couple of weeks and being woken up by the bulk pickup trucks that didn’t come today. They’re late at times. HR went lower, though, to 68.

Looks like the only thing the public can see on my Fitbit profile might be my Lifetime Achievement Stats that keep a running total of my steps. Funny how it thought I climbed one floor when I was out walking yesterday for 10 minutes. That had to have been on my way back when I was coming up the hill. My HR peaked at 169.

Based on the signs people had in their yards, I was surprised to see at least three Biden supporters on one street alone. Usually, older people tend to be more conservative. I don’t know much about Biden, but I would love for anybody but Trump to win and I still feel confident as a psychic that he won’t. It was nice to see the very attractive Kamala Harris chosen as his VP running mate. The only thing I don’t like about her is that she seems a little too focused on her own rather than everybody as a whole, as it should be. But I would take her any day over Trump and any other conservative. Being conservative means you want to control others who aren’t like you and that you believe there is only one correct way. I grew up with a control freak. The last thing we need is someone in charge telling us how to live our lives. I’ll never understand why people who are anti-gay marriage or anti-abortion simply don’t marry the same sex or get an abortion if they’re so against these things. Meanwhile, leave everyone else the fuck alone!

I somehow unlocked a week of Premium Grammarly but so far, I don’t see any difference between it and the free version. It does do a great job overall, but it also misses things it shouldn’t. So it’s not perfect but then what is?

Still nothing from Kim. She got busted badly this time! Enjoying the break from her and I know Aly is too. For once I’m glad that Aly doesn’t follow through on her word to blog more regularly with stories or anything else. She’s been swearing she’s going to start “taking a stand” on some things and sharing her opinions on random topics, but it hasn’t happened yet. She did share a few short stories that were under 1000 words but that’s it so far. Again, I’m kind of glad because as great of a writer as she is, I don’t care for erotica, and I definitely don’t want to hear any more than I already do every single fucking day about racism!

TUESDAY, AUGUST 11, 2020 I’ve gotten to know my Fitbit a lot more. There are still some things that are confusing and frustrating, but I’m thinking I am going to keep it after all. Tom loves his. I don’t get why there’s a privacy option for sharing things like steps, sleep and HR when no one can see these things anyway. The extra features are cool even if we may not use them all. You can choose up to five different clock faces and change them whenever you want. Even though there are some pretty designs with pictures of flowers and butterflies and all that bright, colorful girly shit I’ve always loved, I’m wearing it on my ankle when I’m awake, so there’s no point in switching to a clock face that would be harder to see anyway. It was great being able to quickly check the time when I woke up, thanks to the large numbers on the large screen. Until I get even more blind of course.

Really hoping that the next place will be quieter enough that I can give him the Alexa clock and just use the first-generation Alexa for sleeping. Don’t know that I’ll be able to do away with the stereo, however, until we get land. I’m not going to be able to get motorcycles far enough away from the bedroom in any park anywhere. Plus, they’re going to have big loud commercial mowers coming right up to the windows once a week but at least it will only be once a week. Hopefully, the temp home won’t be next to someone with lots of shrubs that they trim regularly with loud equipment.

It was right on, and I mean right on, with the sleep! When I got up, I remembered getting up after 5 to pee, plus the few other times I awoke and glanced at the time. I got a good sleep score of 88 and slept for 7 hours and 44 minutes. It saw the exact times I woke, too. Slept from 2:36 a.m. to 11:12 a.m. and was awake for 52 minutes, in REM for 2 hours and 11 minutes, in a light sleep for 4 hours and 6 minutes, and a deep sleep for 1 hour and 27 minutes.

I can tell when I got up since I shot from 71 to 97 as that wake-up adrenaline shot through me. 71 was as low as my HR went. I’ve always had a naturally high HR but it’s way better, along with my sleep than when I was in perimenopause and started on the medication

That was another thing we didn’t like about the MorePro is that it would only track sleep between midnight and 8 a.m.

So since I’m keeping it, I decided to go ahead and get that bling band. Others with small wrists say it fits them. Don’t know that I could open it wide enough to get it on my ankle but changing bands on these things is a nightmare.

I’m also getting nail foil in 91 different colors and designs. :-) I look forward to trying them! I should be able to do so without having any chemicals touch my nails. Whenever I get a set of nail polish strips that are boring, I can throw a topcoat (or some real polish) over them and then foil the top with whatever design I want. I’m getting a huge mix of things from holographic to chrome to glitter to flowers and so much more.

Nail stamping is something I would never bother trying because it seems to be a really messy pain in the ass. With the foil, I shouldn’t need any special glues or UV lights. So it will be to dress up those boring colors mixed in with whatever sets of stickers I get.

I’m going to go out running later this evening so I should beat my high HR score of 126 that I hit yesterday on the skier. Didn’t quite get 10k steps yesterday because I forgot that the next day starts at midnight and not when I go to bed.

Pretty fucking sad that we have to “negotiate” whether or not to help the American people, but in a heartbeat, we’ll send millions to a terroristic country like Lebanon that wouldn’t do shit for us in return if they could.

I’m also wondering if we’re ever going to have a woman or gay president in my lifetime. Hell, we haven’t even had a Jewish, Hispanic or Asian president. But we’ve had a black one. See why it gets to me when people claim blacks don’t have the same opportunities as others? Oh, I totally believe they didn’t used to. No doubt about that. But I think they’ve had equal opportunities for quite a while now regardless of how some of the police treat them. Doctors, lawyers, nurses and many other great jobs including those currently training for great careers in law enforcement, medical, legal, labor and all kinds of things. Many jobs will purposely pass over whites in favor of minorities and or foreigners. I personally know people this has happened to.

Holly and Shannan are back to being suggested to me, but I haven’t seen Dr. H.

Had a dream that I made a prank call to Andy where I didn’t say anything.

I also dreamed a therapist came to visit me and she brought a suitcase to help with the move or maybe some vacation I was about to embark on. The place was long and cluttered. As she settled on the couch, I told her I had to pee before we started talking. I tried to hop quickly and gracefully over all the furniture and clutter just to feel like I was stuck in slow motion or something. Once I got to the bathroom, I could barely even push my string bikini panties down. It was as if they just didn’t want to budge.

MONDAY, AUGUST 10, 2020 It’s been a fun yet sometimes frustrating day, LOL, but yes, I’ve definitely been in good spirits overall and that means a lot to me. I’ll never take these good feelings for granted. Not after the hell I went through from 2014 until early last year.

So our new Fitbits came earlier than expected. There’s a part of me that thinks I should return it and that it’s a waste of money since it doesn’t have a speaker or do all the things I thought it would do. I can talk to Alexa, but she doesn’t talk back. She writes her response on the screen. So that means I can’t play music from it either. It would have to be synced to Bluetooth or something like that.

Setting it up and learning about the features has been more frustrating than fun. We had to watch a tutorial just to change the damn band sizes which seem a bit extreme for the amount of money we paid for this thing. Pretty sure this is the Rolls-Royce of Fitbits, so when you’re getting something that’s top-of-the-line, it just seems like things shouldn’t be this complicated.

His is actually in shades of black and gray. It’s a limited-edition band. It came with an extra band in a hideous shade of army green that not even he likes.

I’m still thinking of getting the diamond rose gold band if I don’t send it back altogether. It is still kind of fun and a definite motivator. I just prefer to wear mine on my ankle more often because my arms don’t always swing back and forth when I walk, especially if I’m carrying something and that way my steps don’t get tracked. My band is a light pale pink which is nice but not great. It’s better than the tangerine Charge HR I used to have that actually looked more like red with a hint of orange.

I just wish I knew why I was getting so much skin irritation lately when things are in contact with it. I’ve worn my wedding band for 26 years yet lately I’ve been getting red and irritated beneath it and have to take it off for a while. Same with the Fitbit, though it’s worse around my wrist than my ankle. I don’t think it will be comfortable to sleep with it around my ankle, though. Besides, that wouldn’t be very convenient if I wanted to glance at the time throughout the night. I keep the Alexa clock turned away because even on the dimmest setting it’s too bright and I like the bedroom pitch black. I dimmed the screen on my Fitbit.

I was checking out the different clock faces but had some issues with some of those so I’m using the one that came with it for now which is actually the easiest to see. Functionality is more important than its inner appearance.

We’ve had issues trying to set up notifications and the GPS but hopefully I won’t be woken up by anything new that comes in since I’m going to set it to Sleep Mode before I crash. If that doesn’t work, then I guess I’ll try Do Not Disturb.

What’s better about Fitbit than MorePro is that even though the MorePro had more things it tracked, Fitbit is definitely more accurate.

My hip still bugs me at times but it’s nothing too debilitating.

As I said, though, there are some frustrations that go with it and some things I don’t get. I have most of my graphs and all of my statistics set to public yet when I view my profile from the public’s perspective, all I see is stuff from 2016.

Also, how the hell could I have had too many calories when it says I’ve burned more than I’ve eaten? I burned 1417 and ate 1375.

We went to Rite Aid earlier and saw that the SUV was parked in front of next door. Saw some other guy walking around the carport and bending down to look at something just outside of it by the property line. Getting the feeling they’re gearing up to clear things out and move her. :-(

The bastard with the saw was quiet for the last couple of days but I don’t expect it to last more than a week or so if even that.

Tom has torn down the old rotted fence in the back corner and the next step will be to put up the new one.

Since Dixie fell this morning and didn’t think she could get outside safely and easily enough, instead of going down for a visit, we had a phone visit and chatted for about an hour.

I voice-typed this entry on the skier which Fitbit thinks is an elliptical machine. Now I’m “in the zone.” It says I’ve now burned 1567 calories. Then it says I reached my goal of 1475 cals.

But my goal is set to 1200, even though I knew I’d have more than that. So yeah, not sure how that works. I don’t expect to lose weight, and that’s okay. As long as I’m active for at least a half-hour most days

I got up shortly before 11:00 AM and put it on a couple of hours later. So in the 12 hours I’ve been wearing it I’ve accumulated 7474 steps and 41 minutes of activity. My heart peaked at 126. Made a quick drop to 70 but that’s no doubt when I took it off of my wrist to transfer it to my ankle. I’ll be sure to hit 10K steps before bed.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 9, 2020 Ordered some tracing paper to make nail sticker templates for the ones that are too big for my nails. I’ll trace some of the ones that fit and those will be my templates so I can cut the bigger ones to the proper size.

Really like some of the bands they have for the Versa. Fell in love with this rainbow band but I fell even harder for a rose-gold band I found with shiny “diamonds” embedded in it. Makes it look less sporty and more feminine. It also has a clasp that I think will be easier to get on and off. It’s beautiful and definitely more like jewelry and a fancy watch than anything else. But it’s not just about looks for me. I’m so excited to get using it! We went through the online user guide to get a head start in getting familiar with it for when it comes on the 11th.

I picked out what songs I want to load on it. I’m thinking I’ll put it on my right wrist even though it may be harder to get on and off that way because that’s the side my hearing ear is on. They say it’s waterproof, but I really don’t want to wear it in the shower.

Now if only I could stop breaking things and my hip would get better. As I was going out the screen door in back, which is getting kind of ancient, part of the metal frame in the center popped off but Tom was able to put it back on in no time.

My hip problem could still be the sciatic nerve or arthritis but now we’re wondering about a damaged hip flexor. I did some stretching exercises and I’m hoping that will help.

He began working on the back corner and will soon be removing the little fence back there so long as nothing else breaks to take his time away from it. He thinks he can be done in time for the bulk trash collection.

When I looked out front earlier, I noticed that Nancy was parked in the driveway. The garage door was open but there was no sign of their SUV. I’m thinking they got rid of it. I just hope she stays there while we’re still here! I thought of going over to show my support but not with the virus still going around and not knowing if she’s even up to having company to begin with.

Dixie invited me down yesterday evening, but I told her it was still not a good time for me. She left a voice message earlier today saying that her computer is broken so call if I want to talk. I texted her back, but I don’t know if she got the message. Monday or Tuesday evening I should be able to get down there. Plus, I can start taking the bike out in the evening.

With all the delays at the post office, thanks to the fucking virus, I’m starting to think our spit isn’t going to make it to 23andMe this month.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 8, 2020 A father-and-son team came out and fixed the clog in the kitchen sink. It’s nice that it only costs $176 since most places want more, but it still seems a bit extreme for a simple job but didn’t even take a half hour. He just vacuumed out the excess water, opened the pipe, and sent his motorized snake down the drain.

It probably was my fault after all as he mentioned eggshells being good for disposals but bad for drains and I definitely put some eggshells down lately. Potatoes are another bad thing as I’ve known for a while now, but we’re just not going to bother using them anymore. Garbage disposals are always a problem. I can just scrape any leftover food off the plate and into the trash. I’ve got some new colorful sink strainers on the way in pink, yellow, blue and orange.

I just wish our shit would stop breaking. The next thing to break was the motor on the coded lock on the back door. I sensed it was broken very strongly and told him so before he discovered that was the case by running some tests. Just a feeling that came to me. So he’s ordered yet another part for that which is another $50.

Starting to see a familiar and frustrating pattern here as I remember the breakage curse that seemed to be on us in Arizona where things were constantly breaking, big and small.

Another frustrating thing was that when I was finally able to clean up the kitchen and put things away, I cut myself on the slicer when loading up the dishwasher. Cut myself deeper than I have in ages, but we managed to put a Band-Aid on it and get it under control. It started bleeding again when I removed the Band-Aid and took a shower, so I re-bandaged it and it’s better today.

Yesterday I had better energy than I’ve had in a while but today I’m tired. It totally fucking figures, too. I knew I would be. I knew I would have trouble sleeping because I had so much energy yesterday. It took 2 Calms Forte to knock me out and I woke up a lot along the way so that’s why I feel anything but rested today.

The fucking cock across the street is back to sawing again. The dark pickup has been there instead of the gold van so I don’t know if it’s Dahl or his son (couldn’t see that deep into the carport at this angle) but today was the second day in a row and once again I want to confront the bastard. But also once again, Tom’s paranoia has me hesitant because of the timing, so he says. He says that because he’s going to be making his own racket putting up the new fence and using the power hose, it wouldn’t be a good time to say anything.

First of all, his power tools are nowhere near as loud as that fucking saw. Second of all, the cock isn’t going to hear his tools inside his house like I can hear his in here, especially when the fence is on the other side of the house. It’s just his reluctance to complain on neighbors that he’s always had.

I do understand his concerns to a degree. I didn’t know I was going to be counter-complained on for being encouraged to come down and swear out a complaint against the loud car. Then complained on again when I “anonymously” complained. People in the West really do hate it when you complain. So it’s tough either way. It sucks having to sit back and quietly take shit, but you can’t speak out about it either without some kind of harassment for it. I mean look at Phoenix. I always thought that the pigs acted on actions and not words because that only made sense, yet they sure did make a whole lot out of nothing in the end, didn’t they?

It still blows my mind how often I hear sawing around here. Even I never would have believed it and would have laughed had someone told me that every 5-6 houses would be wielding the damn things. On just this circle alone that I know of, there was Bob who used to do that, the contractor that moved a few years ago, someone down toward Dixie’s place, someone in back that even Andy saw when he was here and out walking with us, and now this little cock. Definitely not what retirement communities were about when my parents were in them and I’d be willing to bet they never heard a single motorcycle either.

I’m not stupid. I know the 3-month temporary place isn’t going to be so temporary. We always get stuck in places for longer than we want. Always. Oh, it may not be for the eight years we’ll be here, the six years we were in Phoenix or the five years in Auburn, but I’m sure those few months will end up being at least a year. That’s why it’s really important to get the money’s worth out of the realtor we hire to try to get the quietest place possible so that when they’re sawing there as well, since this is obviously what retirement communities have come to, and they’re zooming by on motorcycles, it won’t be as noticeable as it is here.

I can’t wait to get back out into the country and put some space between us and others! I am so sick of people and the racket they make.

Our new Fitbits are on the way! His is black and mine will be what’s called pedal which is a peachy pink of sorts.

I put the silver metallic nails on, but they sucked, and I had to remove them. They were too big and thick and had creases in them. I now have green glitter strips on.

Haven’t heard from Kim in a few days and neither has Aly. She thinks she might be being temporarily ghosted for refusing to contact June for her, but I think that because I haven’t heard from her either she probably got caught. I’m sure she’ll find a way back on, though, within a week if even that.

Had this really bizarre dream where I was in my bedroom. It sort of looked like this bedroom even though it wasn’t. I sat on the floor at the far end of the room and pulled a couple of dolls off the nearby bed. I took hold of one of them and spread its legs and began to rub its crotch. I began to feel totally turned on and lay on my back. I was by the wall and the floor was cold even though it was carpeted so I knew it was cold outdoors. I became even hornier and woke up with my heart pounding as I was beginning to slide my pants down, totally turned on by this cheap plastic doll that didn’t seem much bigger than a Barbie.

Strange. Just strange.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 7, 2020 He tried all different things to fix the sink to no avail so we’re having a company come out sometime between 10 and noon and it isn’t Roto-Rooter. They claim their rates are a lot cheaper, so we’ll see. As long as they fix it right!

He got a new pipe and drain for the non-disposal side but it’s looking like we won’t have to replace the sink. Good. I would prefer not to in this place because then it’s mostly going to end up being for someone else since we’re not even going to be here for another year. Normally I’d like one big sink but the dividers are good for the pigs because then I can just shift any dishes over to one side, clean out the other side, and put the pigs in there when I’m cleaning their cage and they need a quick bath. They’re enough work as it is and again I have to trim their fucking nails. Fortunately, today isn’t a pet care day other than feeding them and stopping to pat some heads.

I’ve always preferred porcelain to stainless steel because there’s always this whitish film that builds up in stainless steel sinks that I never seem to be able to get rid of no matter what cleaning products I try. So the 37-year-old sink gets to stay for now. We would do a complete kitchen remodel if we were staying, but of course we’re not. There isn’t much that doesn’t need to be updated in this place. The roof may last for a while but other than the bathroom sinks and toilets, everything needs to be redone. The kitchen appliances and washer are new enough, but the dryer is ancient.

While Tom was working yesterday, I had the doors open. When I went to shake the duster out the front door because I had been dusting the living room, I saw movement behind the hedges and for a second I thought it was Bob. I called out hello and the guy said hello back and, “You’re Jodi, right?”

He introduced himself as Mike and I asked how his parents were doing. That’s when he told me that eight or nine days ago Bob died around 1 in the morning. :-( So the poor guy suffered through radiation for nothing.

Mike said he’s going back to his home in Southern California this weekend but that his brother and sister would be around to spend time with Virginia. He said she’s doing well but I didn’t ask if she planned to stay. I didn’t think it would be the time or my place to ask that. I’m so sorry for her and I can just imagine the immense depression she must be feeling now! :-( They’ve lived here for 32 years and have probably been married twice as long as Tom and I have. I can’t imagine how I could ever possibly go on without him but at least she has kids to help her. I hope she doesn’t leave before we do, but I guess it’s going to depend on how needy she is for help and if she can stand to stay there with all the memories and all that. She may be moved to an assisted care place or in with relatives.

Couldn’t help but remember how I said to Tom right after Bob told Tom of his diagnosis how I feared he’d be gone by August and the place on the market by Christmas. And the bad feeling that “blew through” the front door two days ago when I opened it.

His spirit? Just negative energy due to the sadness of his loss radiating from over there?

sighs Can’t I be psychic in less worthless ways than knowing the timeframe of when my neighbor is going to die? How about being able to bust through clogs, pick winning lottery numbers, and things like that?

His son trimmed and blew weeds which, like his dad, took him forever. Then I saw Bob and Virginia’s SUV parked on the street, but I don’t know if it’s been moved or is now back in the garage. Can’t imagine Virginia ever driving again. If that’s true, then I don’t see how she could stay here unless someone moves in with her. This place has a walking score of just 8. The nearest bus stop is miles away.

Can’t find the obit but I guess it’s too soon. Pretty sad that they’ll air out your dirty laundry if you break the law (or are falsely accused of doing so) for free, but your loved ones have to pay to announce your death.

Still getting hit with fatigue too much of the time, so I’m going to tweak my diet a bit and see if that helps. I’ll drink just plain water rather than flavored sparkling water for starters. Slept well last night, though, only waking up twice. Slept a long time again, too.

Replied to Kim’s 2-day-old message and have resolved to reply every two to three days. Nothing short of death will keep her offline anyway, and I don’t feel the need to totally ghost her at this time even if I should.

I guess Cam’s already making enemies training to be a CO because he refuses to be quiet about some of the guards coughing in teens’ faces. I guess he got transferred to some courthouse but he’s going along with the transfer for now so he doesn’t get fired.

I’d have been too selfish to care. Life is all about survival and looking out for ourselves. If it doesn’t affect me directly then I don’t say shit. I wouldn’t have said anything about the kids living in back had it not been for one of them having an insanely loud car.

Speaking of that, this has been the longest I’ve gone without hearing that bastard. It’s gotta be dead, in jail, or have moved.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 6, 2020 I really fucked things up big time by clogging the kitchen sink up. Tom says don’t worry about it, he’s broken things before too, etc.

But it still sucks because it’s more money and time that could go into other things.

He thought the drain opener would be the fix, but nope. Then he took apart the pipe under the sink and snaked out the clog that way. Then the pipe broke, and he was trying to seal it with a rubber spray that smells absolutely horrible even with the doors and kitchen window open. He came to suspect we may have to replace the entire sink. I’ve always preferred to have one big sink rather than two separate sides but would have liked to do this wherever we end up settling. We picked out a sink and faucet for $150, but first he’s going to try to replace the pipe and drain for just $35. It’s still going to be a lot of work. He’s definitely not happy with how huge a job it’s going to be when he had other plans, and I don’t blame him. At least if the sink does need replacing, the timing is good because they’re doing bulk pickup on the 12th. It’d be one seriously heavy MF since it’s porcelain with a cast iron bottom. The stainless steels are much lighter.

On top of that, Alexa is messed up. At least the one in the bedroom is. I have it in brief response mode yet she’s back to saying “okay” when I command her to do things. She was also having trouble reading my book. We discovered that somehow, that device got switched to the wrong account.

How the hell do these things happen?

No sign of Dahl or his van lately. Been seeing other vehicles there instead. Given how quiet it’s been there for a couple of weeks now, I wonder if something happened to him. But if it did, that doesn’t explain the absence of the van unless he got in an accident.

Yesterday I got so damn tired that I worried I had somehow become diabetic but when we tested me a couple of hours after my last meal, my blood sugar was 91. That was such a relief to know that it actually perked me up. We thought it would be around 110.

I only needed one Calms Forte to sleep last night and I slept a long time, only waking up once.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 5, 2020 The metallic nails came yesterday. This weekend I’ll put on the silver set. If I like how it looks, I’ll wear the gold ones when I wear my teal dress with gold accents when I see Dr. A in October. Not sure that one’s going to be turned into a video appointment. If it is, I’ll wear that dress and those nails to my final ENT appointment.

I have the next few weekends picked out. Silver metallics this weekend, green glitter the next, and red solids with red stripes against white accents the next.

The kitchen sink drain is pretty clogged up so we’re hoping that when Walmart delivers groceries in a few hours along with some drain opener, it will be enough to bust through the clog.

I was tired early yesterday because I’d been tired all day. At 5:30 yesterday evening I took one Calms Forte pill, but it didn’t do me any good. At around 7, I took another one and was out by 8. I only woke up two times that I remember. Got up to pee around midnight and then I glanced at the clock at 2-something before falling back asleep. Then I got up just after 3. I have okay energy today but I’m not going out walking because my hip is still sore.

Yesterday I was thinking about how I miss having a Fitbit tracker. My old one started having problems and can’t be used so I was thinking of eventually getting a new one. I like the Versa 2. It not only tracks steps, sleep and HR, but I can also talk to Alexa as well and upload up to 300 songs. Even Tom agrees he likes Fitbit better than MorePro. Fitbit is more accurate and in real-time. I also liked being able to share my Fitbit activity with others, so when I get a new one, I’ll share the link to my Fitbit profile, though it may be a while.

I realize that reconnecting with Kim as I did a few years ago means I’m giving her a chance to potentially screw me over again like I gave the termite the chance to do that too many times, but as I said yesterday, there’s an in-between. I have no books for sale for her to mess with and I can always block her if she becomes a problem. I know she’d create fake accounts to contact me from but those would be ignored and or blocked as well.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 4, 2020 Waiting on a Hostess variety pack of cappuccino and hot cocoa K-cups with Twinkies, Snoballs & Ding Dongs flavors. Plus, caramel apple coffee K-cups.

Saw the Floyd bodycam video. Both sides are guilty without a doubt. Floyd was suspected of some crime, high on drugs, and resisting arrest. The pigs, however, have no excuse for keeping a knee on his neck for 11 minutes.

I’ve had serious asthma attacks before, and yes, you really can have enough oxygen to shout out here and there but not enough to support the body. The thug should have been thrown in jail and given his day in court. Not killed. The pigs should be charged with at least manslaughter because I can’t say that it was premeditated and that they consciously chose their end goal to be murder.

Shortly after I began my walk yesterday, I noticed what may or may not be my sciatic nerve acting up again, and where I should have shortened my walk, I did my usual half-hour mix of walking and jogging and ended up aggravating it even more. It hurt all day yesterday when I walked or when I would lie on that side. Not sure it’s my sciatic nerve, though, since Tom describes it as a pain that is not only excruciating but that doesn’t stay in one place. For me, it’s right above the hip joint only and I wouldn’t describe it as excruciating. It’s a bit painful, especially if I jump up quickly after sitting for a while but nothing that extreme. I’m taking it easy today. I’m tired anyway. Yesterday was my day to be up longer than I would have liked, and I didn’t sleep as well or as long.

We went out to Rite Aid yesterday and got some treats. Then I did more surveys on 23andMe and even took a hearing test. I followed the instructions and thought I did pretty well, yet they said my hearing was below normal. Okay, I get that I’m deaf in one ear, but the good ear has always seemed to more than make up for it.

It hit me that I don’t have to not polish my toenails in order to treat the fungus. The fungus isn’t on the nail surface, so all I have to do is put the Lamisil along the cuticles and as far under the edges of the nails as I can, and it will either work or it won’t. I put nail stickers on the big toes and regular polish on the other toes.

Just like Aly did, I got a quick text from Kim asking how I was and that we had a stick to texts for now. There really is no keeping this sicko offline, is there? It always finds a way on. I realized, however, that there really is an in-between when it comes to ghosting her vs. going back and forth with her every single day, and that’s what I started to do where I would only check in a couple of times a week. Decided to leave a voice message because I also realize that just because I’m likely to receive 10 minutes’ worth of repetitive rambling voice messages in return, that doesn’t mean I have to listen to them all. Especially when I know damn well what she’s going to say.

As I told Aly, who says she’s gotten worse with age, her June fixation really is nothing new. Remember, she obsessively stalked and harassed the shit out of me too, from something like 2010-2015, just in different ways and for different reasons. She’s sick. Plain and simple. There really isn’t any getting around that, cruel-sounding or not. This isn’t just someone with learning disabilities and memory issues. It’s someone that’s truly sick in the head. The kind that may actually kill her victims if she had the mentality, means, freedom, and the guts to do it.

As long as she never has my address, email addresses, and is never connected to me on Facebook, there’s only so much she could do if she decided to turn on me since it’s so much easier to block people online and on phones than it was a decade ago. It’s just that she could do quite a bit of damage on Facebook before I could stop her if she turned against me, and that includes involving others. I have real friends and relatives on Facebook and I certainly don’t want her reaching out to them just because she was pissed at me, not that I wouldn’t reach out to Carol in return. On any other site, I don’t care what she does.

She’s also been known to abuse email addresses by signing people up for tons of shit and this is by her own admission.

If there was any good to being funny farmed and in a couple of foster homes, it’s that it gives you great hands-on experience with learning about all kinds of crazies.

MONDAY, AUGUST 3, 2020 Luckily for me, I wasn’t up as long as I thought I would be and I’m not tired today either. My sciatic nerve was bothering me yesterday but it’s fine today, so I think I’ll go for my half-hour walk once the sun starts coming up enough to send the skunks to bed. OMG, there was a particular spot I walked by yesterday where the stench of skunk was horrible! Really, really hope they’re not such an issue in Florida.

I also saw what I’m pretty sure was a baby jackrabbit. It was so cute, and it sure ran fast when it saw me coming.

Yesterday I made a homemade smoothie with a banana, blueberries and a pinch of brown sugar, flaxseed and coconut flakes. Today’s smoothie has the same ingredients except that I replaced the blueberries with honeydew melon.

I have quite a decision to make. As of yet, I haven’t gone longer than 10 weeks of consistently taking my medication before I start to feel a little anxious. It’s been just over 6 weeks since the last time I had to cut my dose, yet labs are a total of 16 weeks away. I don’t think I can go that long without having anxiety as the shit ramps up in my system, so I’m thinking that the week before when I have 6 weeks to go, I’m going to cut doses no matter how I feel. Monday, Wednesday and Friday I’ll cut my waiting time in half. On Tuesday and Thursday, I’ll cut the pill in half. That random picture you see on Twitter if you’re following me there…that’s posted after I get up and pee, take my meds, then begin the half-hour wait until I can have my coffee.

I want my numbers to be as good as possible, so that’s what I’m going to do with my medication, and also, a few days before the lab, I’ll cut as much cholesterol out as I can. I hate to replace it with pasta and bread, but I need to have something filling even if it’ll put a pound or two on me even in just a few days. Saw they have that Impossible beef at Walmart, so I may try it even though it’s a bit expensive.

Well, that didn’t take long. Not surprisingly, Aly received a message saying, “Can we talk?” from the 860 area code which is Connecticut. It came from an internet number. I figured Kim would find a way to reach out to her soon enough. There really is no keeping her offline.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 2, 2020 I slept well and awoke with good energy. Let me guess…this means I’ll be up 18 hours or more and will be exhausted tomorrow, right?

Because it’s cheaper on the weekend, we set the main AC to 78 but I’m going to bump it back up to 80. 78 makes it too chilly in here early in the morning. When it’s set at 80, the room I spend most of my time in stays between 77-78 which is perfect for me.

I hope today is more peaceful. Yesterday was like old times and I almost wished we were locked down again. Lots of loud traffic, landscaping, and Santa’s yapping mutt that just can’t shut up whether it’s sitting outside their place or being walked.

He cleaned up and brought in the bike yesterday, so now we have the bike, the treadmill, the Bowflex and the skier. Of course I have my Pilates ring too. We have plenty of variety although my favorite is outdoor cardio. I’m going to be heading out right before the sun jumps up over the horizon. I split up my Bowflex exercises where I work my arms and core a little at a time over a 4-day period because strength training to me is just so damn boring. Tom laughed at that and said that being bored for 20 minutes is nothing compared to all day long when he was working.

Well, he’ll be working hard on installing the new fence just as soon as all the parts get here.

Our spit is now at the post office down in Los Angeles. it should be delivered to 23andMe’s lab tomorrow, but it can take about a month to get the results.

Really didn’t like the ocean nail stickers so I put one of the gradients on. Silver on one side, grayish-black on the other.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 1, 2020 And so it’s August. One more month until the hours of about 5 p.m. to 8 a.m. that are mostly peaceful get cut to 12:30 a.m. to 5:40 a.m. if the planes hold true to the schedule they’ve been on since 2018. Still hear a bunch of small planes and helicopters that can get annoying at times, but the commercials are going to make me want to scream soon enough. The sound of the freeway should be trickling back by the end of the month as well.

Why are so many people ashamed and embarrassed to grow old? All my life I’ve seen younger people tease older people about aging and I never understood why. Do they think they’re exempt from growing old someday as well? Maybe it’s just me but I’ve never been ashamed or embarrassed about getting older. Frustrated at times with the problems it often brings, but I’m otherwise proud because each year that I live is one more year I’ve survived this shitty world. So go ahead and laugh at my wrinkled hands. Laugh at my age spots. Laugh at my gray roots. Laugh at the fat rolls you call curves because it’s somehow kinder, less shameful, and politically correct, at least according to most people. In the end, I’m still alive and I’m still happy with all I’ve learned and experienced even if some of it was anything but fun.

Still nothing from Kim. I’m guessing Aly will eventually talk to her because she’s more tolerant and forgiving than I am, but I’ve decided I’m probably just gonna ghost her. She simply lies way too much. The foundation of any friendship has to be built on trust and honesty. If you don’t have that then you don’t have a friendship. Never have I or will I wake up one day and say to myself, “Hey, I want a habitual liar in my life. Yeah, dishonesty is just what I need.”

I’ve never cared for those who have no empathy unless it affects them, who feel the world owes them, and who think everyone envies them because they’re supposedly oh-so-special. Many people would envy me in some ways since I don’t have to work, have a guy like Tom, an okay amount of money, and whatever, but that doesn’t mean I think I’m special. It just means I got lucky in some ways just like I’m unlucky in others. Oh, there’s definitely nothing lucky, special, or glamorous about CRD.

Speaking of work, Tom got both good and bad news regarding the government job. The good is that they’re holding off on interviewing people in person because of the virus. He definitely would prefer not to work because he really wants to get into programming and other things, even though he’ll have to take the job if they give it to him (or any other job). It’s too soon for him to go into full retirement unless we were in a cheaper place. He may still work part-time for the next few years either way, even though he’s always hated working because the jobs require you to be at a certain place, at a certain time, and do things in certain ways. Like most people, a little more independence is preferred.

The bad news is that he was chosen for an interview. This job would be a shitload of money and just about the best benefits you could ever have. We both agreed that unless he lands a job that could really alter our lives for the better and really open up our moving options, we’re out of here next year. Seriously, it would have to be some incredibly amazing job to delay the move. Not necessarily a job that could get us a place in Hawaii but a place within walking distance of the beach in Florida or something like that. It wouldn’t surprise me if something happened to delay the move, but I also can’t see us being that lucky financially.

We agree we’re well-off enough right now and it was so funny because he was actually trying to “flunk” the video interview by giving dumb and silly answers. Some of the examples he gave me earlier had me laughing so hard I hurt his ears. Something about what software he would use in past jobs to keep track of inventory and he said, “Well, I just looked to see what was there.”

I forgot to say when I was looking up my maiden name that yes, most people with that name have been in New York. They’re all over the country, including California, but mostly New York. Pretty sure my great-grandparents entered New York which was the main port of entry back then.

Tom is going to bring in the bike stand and the old bike I used in Oregon since it’s a 24in-wheel to get more cardio that way since it’s too hot to be out for that long during the daytime. That’s why I’m going out either at night or early in the morning. He likes biking better than the treadmill. To me, the bike is boring as fuck if it isn’t outdoors.

Yesterday morning’s walk was surprisingly chilly. It was 62° yet it felt like 50. As I was passing by the RV lot, I remembered the email from Linda that Dixie forwarded to me about the problems with people climbing the fence into the lot and stealing catalytic converters and even solar panels off of one of the RVs. There are sections of the lot that can’t be seen by other houses or people driving by, so it would be easy to do.

Tom saw 2 cop cars head down the street yesterday but they were only there for a few minutes which suggests they may have come to do a wellness check because you would think it would take longer to fill out a police report if a crime had been committed.

They’ve joined the new house, and someone is definitely living with Bob and Virginia. I haven’t seen either one of them out and about on foot or in their vehicle for a few weeks now which can’t be good. I just hope we get out of here while they’re still alive!

Decided to treat my toenails with Lamisil and see what happens. My fingernails are also looking worse again but not the lifting. The discoloration, especially in the thumbs, has darkened. So the lifting needed the calcium supplements I’ve been taking, and the discoloration is probably the fungus the pharmacist told me it was and that I’ve suspected was the case. If I can get off my nail strip obsession for a while, I can go back to treating that as well because it did seem to help. Maybe after my October appointment with Doc A.

I’m not all that impressed with the ocean nail stickers because even with my nails longer, you can’t see as much of the image to know what it is. If I didn’t know any better, I may think it was some random abstract design.

Had good energy yesterday but today I’m tired. I knew I would be. Even so, I’m managing to tackle the laundry and later we’ll slave over the damn pigs.

Dixie left a message yesterday evening inviting me to come down and visit with her out front but I told her in an email that I’m off-schedule now and will let her know when I can get down to see her.

Going to pull the clothes out of the dryer now. I had to wait for them to cool down because heat melts adhesive and causes my nail strips to lift.

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emptylittlebug · 11 months

Text

6/19/23

238.0

In: Adderall, Wellbutrin, McDonald’s large vanilla iced coffee (230), pizza rolls (420), ranch (140) 790

Out: 10,274 steps. Fitbit says -2816

Total: -2026

Today:

I woke up feeling awful. My whole body aches. I hate this adjustment part. If I want to stop going through it the only answer is to stop giving up and just keep going.

I got the coffee to hopefully help the aches. I feel like I got hit by a car… I’m going to need some Tylenol if it doesn’t work. I can’t spend my day feeling like this. Ughhh.

Also have a stuffy nose. Did I mention I hate this adjustment part?… ugh.

Can’t give in. Can’t stop. Won’t stop. I’m too obese to be having these side effects of… “eating less”.

Edit:

It’s 9pm. I stopped feeling terrible about an hour after I made that update.

I had a pretty chill day.

Got 3 hours of overtime for work! Pretty excited about that.

My daughter is insisting I lay with her until she falls asleep (she’s 6) so I’ll finish my 10k steps later.

I can’t believe I’m not even the tiniest bit hungry.

— just venting about life and money for the rest of this so skip if you want —

Since I worked 3 hours over I didn’t get any crocheting done today. I’m not happy about that. But maybe I can get something made before I go to bed tonight. Not many more days until the craft show. Plus my stores aren’t selling much at all because they are so empty. I need to worry about the stores more than I do the shows. Idk why I don’t.

Today I spent a while looking on Zillow for houses. Problem is… idk where I want to live. Since my job is remote I can literally move anywhere I want to. But.. I can’t afford the houses I want in the areas I want to be in lmao. I thought about moving back home (an hour and a half away) but my kids dad just moved down here to be closer to them and he’s been helping out SO much I’d hate to mess that up. I do want to be down here. I do Not want to stay because of him or move closer to him. I do like it around here. I’ve only lived her for about 18 months. I do not feel safe in the part of the city I live in and we definitely have outgrown a 3bedroom apartment. Myself and an almost 14 year old son, 10 year old son, 8 year old son, and 6 year old daughter. Right now I have my room, the 14 and 10 year old share a room, and the 8 and 6 year old share a room. But the 14 year old NEEDS his own room. Puberty and all that. So I’ve been looking for a 4 bedroom for us. Moving to another apartment or rental is not an option unfortunately.

I either need a huge increase in income or I need a lot more saved up than I have currently to afford a 4 bedroom around here in a better part of town/the city.

I think that’s why I worry so much about the shows. It’s a lot of money in 1 day instead of a steady way lower amount of money monthly.

I need the steady. But I also want the lump sum to throw into savings faster.

I need more hours in the day.

My work did tell me today I can get up to 10 hours of overtime per week if I want them until they tell us differently. I could definitely use that extra $270/week! Hopefully I’ll stay disciplined enough to throw all the extra in savings. We will see I guess. I’m bad about wanting to throw it on credit card debt, which isn’t bad, but i really need it in savings right now.

I guess I’m more stressed about that than I realized. Damn.

I did find a house back home I could easily afford and it has everything we’re looking for. But. It’s back home.

I think I need to see a therapist again. For the first time in my life my anger is starting to get out of control. I’ve never been an angry person. But it seems like I go from a 3 to a 10 in a finger snap lately. I’m worried what that’s doing to my kids learning/development. I don’t want them to have any more anger issues than they already do… I really really need to work on it and I need some strategies and help. I had to give up therapy when I moved here. I miss my old therapist. I don’t think she’s still working there though, I looked her up on fb (I already know 😂) and it says she works at the school system now. I thought about texting her and just saying hey but I realized I only have her work cell number and it might not still be her number. I would be absolutely crushed if I texted it and someone wrote back they weren’t her. Idk.

Well I think my daughter is asleep now. Off to do 7.2k steps I go!

0 notes

arrowflier · 2 years

Note

Hey Arrow! Huge fan, first-time asker! ❤

I've just seen a reel where this girl keeps calling her boyfriend nicknames that get weirder and weirder ( instagram reel here) and can't help but imagine Ian doing this to Mickey over the years. Could you use your magic to make this reality? 😍

Oh gosh, I can see it! He’d think he was so funny, too. Fair warning that this went briefly serious with a misunderstanding purely because I’ve had a day, but I promise it’s mostly silly!

Call Me Baby, Call Me...What? (AO3 or continue below)

Mickey didn’t know what had gotten into Ian, but he wasn’t sure he liked it.

It started small, and simple. “Pass the remote, babe,” when Mickey was too busy stuffing his face to turn up the TV. “Come back inside, honey,” when Mickey had been out on the balcony for too long, smoking and staring at their neighbors.

Nothing crazy, nothing to raise eyebrows over. Just a man using pet names for his husband. And if Mickey was honest, maybe he didn’t even mind it.

But then Ian pulled an Ian, and things got…weird.

“Hey Mickey, have you seen my scarf?” he asked on a cool fall day, rummaging through an old box of winter clothes.

“The old green one you stole from me like, ten years ago?” Mickey asked, passing through the living room on his way to the kitchen. “You put it on a hangar in the back of the closet, remember? Something about good memories, you didn’t want to pack it up.”

“Oh, right!” Ian said, straightening. He beamed at Mickey, and brushed past him on the way to the bedroom. “Thanks hedgehog, you’re a lifesaver!”

“No problem,” Mickey murmured to his husband’s retreating back, somehow still caught off guard at every compliment that left the man’s lips.

Then he realized what else had left them.

“The fuck do you mean, hedgehog?” he muttered, but Ian was already gone.

It happened again a few days later. Ian had convinced Mickey to join him for a run, and Mickey was regretting every moment. He finally forced them to a stop, bending over with hands on knees and gasping as sweat slid from his face to the ground.

“You’re a fucking madman,” he choked out once he had the air. “There’s no way you do this everyday.”

“It’s not that bad,” Ian argued, jogging in place as he waited. “You’re just not used to it. Bet you could get up to speed in no time if you came with me more often.”

“Fuck that,” Mickey said, and heaved himself back up straight. “Nobody’s that fit.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, FitBit,” Ian quipped. “Now come on, we aren’t even halfway.”

“Thought he had a Garmin,” Mickey mused, half to himself, then shrugged. He was too preoccupied with chasing Ian down to worry about it.

The next time, they were out with Ian’s family. Sitting around a fire in the Gallagher’s backyard, drinking beer and shooting shit while the kids played. Mickey laughed at some stupid joke Debbie made, and then Ian was smiling at him, all sappy-eyed, and asking:

“You want another beer, windchime?”

Mickey’s laugh tapered off, his nose wrinkling.

“Uh, sure man,” he accepted, and handed Ian his empty when the other man walked past. “Thanks.”

“Windchime?” Lip repeated, barely hiding his smirk. “You let him call you weird shit like that?”

Mickey wiped his frown away with a hand.

“None of your fucking business, Phillip,” he muttered, and tried not to think about it too much.

The grocery store two days later wasn’t much better.

“Sorry ma’am, I can’t help you,” Ian was saying as Mickey rounded the corner of the aisle with an armful of snacks. “I’m looking for my—” He saw Mickey, and smiled.

“There he is!” he said, skirting around an older woman to greet Mickey with a quick kiss. “I just need one more thing,” he said, lifting their shared basket so Mickey could drop his stuff inside. “I’ll meet you at the register, okay floorlamp?”

Mickey mouthed the word to Ian’s back as he dashed back the way Mickey came.

“Why, what an odd thing to say,” mused the woman Ian had been speaking to before. “Do you suppose he thinks that’s romantic?”

“I have no fucking clue,” Mickey muttered. Then she tutted, and he looked over to see her watching him with pity.

“I’m sorry, dear,” she said, reaching out to put a hand on his arm. He pulled away, and she let it fall without comment. “It must be hard to—”

“Don’t you have your own man to gossip about by now?” Mickey cut in, jaw set. “If you don’t you better fuck off and start lookin’,” he added to her horrified face. “Don’t seem like you got much time left.”

He stomped right past her, right past the registers, and out the door. Ian could deal with buying their shit; he needed a fucking smoke.

And to think about Ian’s new little hobby.

It came to a head at work the next day. They were meeting up with a client to hand over the day’s cash, and Mickey had run to the back to use their bathroom before he and Ian started the long drive home.

He was coming back out, bag slung over his shoulder, when he heard Ian say it.

“Hey, where’s my trainwreck?”

And Mickey saw red.

“Okay, that’s it,” Mickey snapped, storming over. “You,” he said, pointing to their client, “take your shit.”

He threw the bag of cash at the man’s chest, ignoring the muffled “oof” as he tried to catch it.

“And you,” Mickey said, voice getting colder as he glared at his husband, “take me home.”

“The fuck is with all these nicknames, Gallagher?” he asked once they had made it back to the ambulance. “You tryin’ to make me look stupid or something?”

“What?” Ian asked, brows furrowed. He paused in putting on his seatbelt to look over the console at Mickey, confused. “No, of course not.”

Mickey huffed. Tore off his stupid little army hat, turned to throw it into the back.

“Then why are you callin’ me random words?” he pressed. “You forget who you married all of a sudden?”

“Mickey, I—”

“You what?” Mickey interrupted, leaning back to fold his arms over his chest as he glared. “Thought it was a good idea to call me a goddamn trainwreck in front of a client?”

“I didn’t—”

“It was bad enough when you were going for fuckin’ housewares,” Mickey went on, ignoring him, “but I draw the line at insults, Ian.”

“Mickey.”

Just that, just his name. Mickey shook his head.

“Uh uh,” he said, working himself up further. “You ain’t talkin your way out of this. I’ve half a mind to—”

“It’s a strain.”

Mickey stopped. Blinked.

“What?”

Ian sighed.

“He got a different strain in, and offered us some samples,” he said quietly. “Thought you might want to try it tonight; you’ve been kind of tense lately.”

Mickey deflated.

“Oh.”

“Didn’t know the names were bothering you,” Ian said, shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry, I’ll stop.”

Shit.

“No, you don’t have to—” Mickey started, eyes stuck on the way Ian was gripping the steering wheel. The tightness of his hands, the slight tremble of his fingers. He stopped himself, and rubbed his eyes.

“Look,” he started over, “they weren’t really botherin’ me, okay? I just…” He shook his head. “Don’t get why you want to use ‘em.”

Ian shrugged. His kept his eyes forward as he spoke, gaze focused on something far away through the windshield.

“I thought it was funny, I guess?” he tried. “And kind of cute?”

“But why that weird shit?” Mickey pressed. “Callin’ me stuff like floorlamp ain’t exactly normal.”

Ian looked at him then, eyes wide. Bright.

“But you light up my life,” he said simply, and fuck.

“Fuckin sap,” Mickey whispered, and Ian’s lips twitched up just a smidge.

“They all had reasons, you know,” Ian told him, and took one hand off the wheel to reach for him. Mickey took it.

“I called you windchime because your laugh is like music,” Ian said, stroking the back of Mickey’s hand with his thumb. FitBit because you’re more than a bit fit.”

Mickey snorted.

“Clever,” he quipped, and Ian’s upturned lips became a real smile.

“I thought so,” he agreed, and Mickey squeezed his hand.

“And I called you hedgehog,” Ian went on, “because you always were prickly.”

Mickey starts to pull back his hand.

“But also soft, and sweet,” Ian finished, holding tighter.

“Okay, okay,” Mickey said, rolling his eyes. “I got it.” Then he looked up through his lashes, and smiled, and added, “Lover.”

Ian laughed.

“I know you are but what am I?” he asked, and Mickey tugged his hand away to smack him on the back of the head.

“Shut up and drive, garden hose,” he said, and Ian shifted into gear with a grin.

“Wait, why garden hose?” he asked as they pulled out of the parking lot.

Mickey smirked.

“Cause if you get us home quick,” he explained, “I’ll give you a chance to—”

The rest was drowned out by Ian flipping on the sirens and speeding into traffic.

#daily speedwrite #gallavich #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #fanfic #humor #misunderstanding

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btsslowburnfic · 4 years

Text

Born to be Yours Chapter 9

Story Summary: For Namjoon, the moment he set his sights on being the #1 rapper, he pushed the symbol to the side and hated it. Love should be chosen, not forced on you. He didn’t believe in fate and this mark on his wrist was a big “fuck you” to all that.

Chapter summary: After party. SEXY TIME

A/N: This chapter contains mature content. It is marked XD Please only read if you are 18 +

Previous chapter found here: Chapter 8

--------------------------------------

All of you end up back at your regular studio, across town from Robert's and the Theater. It has a large atrium that has been decorated for a private after party. You watch as the guys give interviews with their production crew that will be shared with ARMY. You turn and smile as you drink some of the sparkling punch and chat with Xavier.

“Ok. I’ve decided. We’re touring with Ava Max.” He says, clinking his glass up to yours.

“Sounds good to me. I’ll send that contract to our lawyer and then we can sign it.” you take out your phone and type a note into your calendar for tomorrow.

“Act cool.” Xavier whispers awkwardly to you, “soulmate inbound.”

“Oh God why are you this way?” you tease him and turn around to see RM walking over to the table you two are standing at.

“Hey. All done with your interviews?” you ask, trying to sound casually even though you feel your heart racing.

“For now. We have them pretty much nonstop.” he says, walking up to the table. He looks at Xavier, “Hey man, I’m really sorry about earlier. I’m glad it seems like the two of you made up.”

“No worries. I was way out of line. It’s all good. I am going to go and find Joe though. I promised I’d introduce him to Jimin. Take care,” Xavier excuses himself leaving just the two of you standing there.

“You look beautiful tonight,” he says quietly.

You pretend to look around like you are confused and then point to yourself, “Me? Are you talking about me?” you laugh.

He smiles, “Yes you.” his voice sounding more relaxed and casual than you’ve ever heard it.

“Oh stop. I’m sure you say that to all your soulmates.” you tease.

He chuckles. “Yeah. About that. This whole thing is so weird. After tomorrow I won’t see you again.”

Damn he really went straight for that. “Yep. Back to the usual. You, jet-setting around the world and winning awards. Me, teaching fitness classes and directing. The excitement never stops.” you sip your drink, wishing it had alcohol in it.

“So is this where you normally work then?”

“Yes, but it’s usually much more boring. All of the fancy stuff is only out for you guys. The couches and rugs are even rented for just tonight,” you laugh.

“Would you mind giving me a tour?” he asks shyly.

“Really? You want a tour of my office? Are you allowed to just wander around like that without a camera crew?” you raise your eyebrows, feigning concern

He scoffs, “Yes. and yes. Occasionally we are allowed to wander off.”

“Ok. But this is going to be the most boring tour you have ever been on. Do you think anyone else wants to come along?” you ask.

“No.” he says, almost too soon. He covers up for this by adding, “I already asked them before I came over.”

You get the feeling he’s lying but you don’t know why. You also feel an awkward mix of happy, sad, and nervous. This dude is a mess. It’s a good thing he’s hot and also leaving tomorrow; you don’t think you could deal if you actually had to be around him much longer.

“Alright, come along. I’ll show you the ins and outs of this fitness studio. It’s extremely unique. We have 4.5 stars online.” you remark dryly as you begin the tour.

The two of you eventually end up on the second floor, “and here are the staff offices. I’m kind of a big deal around here so I get a real office with a door and everything. You smirk.

“Oh really? Wow, you’re moving up in the world”

“Hey hey we can’t all be idols. Some of us have to do the behind the scenes work.

Seriously though, congratulations. I really mean that,” you say smiling. “I can tell you guys work really hard.”

“Thank you.” he flashes his dimples at you.

You turn the handle to your office and flip on the light. “Here it is. Now,” you say as you walk into your office, “maybe you can tell me why you’re being a giant weirdo who’s lying to me about suddenly wanting a tour.”

He kicks his foot around nervously, “I uh, wanted to speak to you in private.”

You click your tongue, “Uh-huh. Ok. What did you want to talk about?”

He lets out a brief sigh. “That’s the thing. I don’t know. Nothing? Everything? I’m just so confused.”

You stand there and assess him standing there looking like an over-sized puppy dog at the moment.

“Yeah. Soulmate things are a real trip.” you comment and walk all the way into the office.

“Come on in.” He follows you as you turn back and face him.You pull him into the office. “You’re leaving in the morning right?”

“Yes,” you see him shifting uncomfortably.

“Well, as you can tell from our wrists, I need you to not injure yourself. Got it?” you ask.

Namjoon smiled, “I’ll see what I can do, but you should know I am accident prone,”

“Fuck. Really?” you respond mildly pouting.

“Sorry,” he responds looking down. You suddenly feel a pang of sadness. You realize it’s coming from him. What the fuck dude.

“Well, it’s been nice to work with you guys. It will really look good on my resume,” you tease. v

“What are you nervous about?” he asks you abruptly.

“Pardon?”

“I can feel that you’re nervous.”

“Well I can feel that you’re sad but you don’t see me making you talk about it,” you respond defensively.

The two of you stare at each other for a few seconds.

“This is stupid,” you say.

“What is?” Namjoon responds irritated.

“This,” you gesture to your wrist, “this whole thing. Like I don’t need a fucking oven timer on my body telling me who I’m supposed to be with. And clearly it doesn’t even work right.”

“Agreed.” He responds.

“Also you get angry too easily,” you respond, feeling your heart racing, “I’m a very chill person usually but since meeting you my fitbit heart rate monitor is all over the place,”

“Me? I am usually a picture of calm. You are still nervous.”

“So? You’ve been angry and jealous all day and I didn’t say anything to you about it. Why are you jealous when you don’t even want me?” you say before you can stop yourself.

He stands there for a minute, looking at you and slowly closes the distance. “I don’t want to be forced into being with someone because of a soulmark. But when you look like that,” he gestures to you, “I don’t know how you could think I wouldn’t want you.”

Your breath is caught in your throat as you replay what he just said. “Fine. Here’s why I’m nervous, I can’t stop thinking about this” you say as you grab him by his suit jacket and plant a kiss on his lips. Even though the whole thing is stupid, you feel like you would regret it for the rest of your life if you didn’t at least kiss your soulmate. To your surprise, his entire posture softens and you feel the low level irritation fade from your body. He begins kissing you back and you feel butterflies in your stomach. Holy shit, kissing has never felt like this before. You have had quite a few boyfriends but nothing has ever compared to this. The two of you continue to make out for several minutes.

You pull away and look at him. When he’s not talking he’s really fucking hot. And watching him perform made you proud. Your soulmate was a badass. Even if he was an asshole sometimes.

“What’s that about?” Namjoon manages to ask, not releasing his hands from your waist.

“I just thought we should try it since we won’t get another opportunity. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering.” you respond honestly. To your surprise, Namjoon leans in and kisses you more.

_________________SEXY TIME_____________________________

“ I agree completely,” he pulls you close and kisses you again. This kiss feels as good as sex. There is nothing that has ever compared to it before. Time slows down. You run your hand through his hair. "Oh my God," you breathe out. His hands have started to explore your body, rubbing around your hips and ass, pulling your body close to his. You can feel his hardness now that the two of you are so close. At this moment you know what's going to happen next. He looks at you with a certain question in his eyes and you know exactly what he’s asking. You walk over and lock the door and turn the overhead lights off. You walk with a purpose back over to him and strip him of his suit jacket. “Take off your shirt or I am fucking ripping it off,” you command him. To your surprise he complies.

“That shirt costs $900,” he says as he gingerly folds it up.

“That’s stupid,” you respond and start kissing him again, your hands gripping his arms.

“It is,” he agrees and grabs your body again, pulling it up against his as he devours your mouth. He lifts you up and sits you on your desk. You are suddenly thankful you inherited the heavy wooden desk from the previous building tenets. He gently sucks on your neck.

“Hey! No marks,” you admonish him.

He leans in close to your ear, “Did you just remember you have a boyfriend, sweetheart?” and he's right. And you should feel bad but at this exact moment you don’t give a fuck. “I also have a soulmate,” you respond as you take his face in your hands and start kissing him again. He smells so good. Like cologne and sweat and something else that makes you melt. You feel him searching your back for your dress zipper. You laugh a little.

“What?” he sounds pissy.

“It’s a side zipper. It’s stupid. Here, let me,” you awkwardly unzip it and wiggle your dress so that it’s up over your hips. “It has to go over my head.” He looks confused. “Girl clothes are weird.” you summarize for him.

He kisses you again and you wait for him to take your dress off but to your surprise he doesn't. You wrap your legs around him, pushing his erection against your thin panties. It has the desired effect as you hear him moan into your mouth. He keeps one hand wrapped around you as the other one travels down to your thigh. It creeps up to your panties. He places his fingers against your panties, “Jesus. These are soaked. You want me don’t you?”

You respond by palming his dick, “You’re one to talk.” His breath catches in his throat for a moment. You smirk, “That’s what I thought,”

He responds by pulling your panties to the side and stroking your clit. “Mmm” you moan against his neck.

“Yeah, you like that don’t you?” You have no smart ass comment for that. Fuck yes you like that. “Yesss…” He removes your underwear the rest of the way and continues to stroke you as the two of you kiss. He pulls back and before you can even process it, he’s down on his knees with his head between your legs. “Fuck.” you cry out. You feel the perfect combination of his lips and tongue on your folds. You run a hand through his hair, pulling on some of it. He stands back up a minute later, grabbing the back of your neck and pressing the two of your mouths together, causing you to taste yourself. Jesus. You hear him undo his belt buckle and undo his zipper.

"I don't suppose you have a bed hiding in here somewhere?"

"Nope," you reply and bend over on the desk so your ass is sticking out in the air. You peek back behind you to see him staring dumbstruck at your naked figure. "You'll just have to fuck me right here. Good thing you've got strong leg muscles."

He walks closer and runs his hands over your ass. You can feel the heat of his cock nearing you.

"You want me to fuck you on this desk?" you feel him move his hand between your legs and he slowly sticks a finger inside you.

"Yes. Do you think you can manage that?"

He sticks another finger into you and pumps them in and out. It feels so good.

"I'm sure I can figure it out." you feel the heat from the head of his dick at your entrance as he pushes your legs apart and plants his hands on your hips.

He leans over to whisper in your ear. "We can stop if you want to." such a gentleman when he wasn't being an ass.

"No. I want this. If you do."

"Do you have a condom?"

"I don't usually have sex with random people in my office. So no. I'm on the pill though."

"Good enough," you hear him say and then without warning you feel him enter you. You cry out a bit in surprise.

"Shit. Are you OK?"

You give an awkward thumbs up.

He starts slowly moving in and out of you his balls slapping against you. “No marks,right?” you hear him say roughly.

“You better fucking not,” you hiss behind you trying to stay quiet since people are still in the building.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard and so good you will be ruined for anyone else. Do you understand?” he slams into you roughly.

“I’m sorry, I’m a little confused. Could you please clarify?” you retort. Since when did he think you took orders? He responds by slamming into you even harder and jerking your ponytail.

“You’re my soulmate.” he growls out, “You can go play house with whoever you want but I want you to remember, I’m the best you have ever fucking have or will ever have.” Holy shit this felt amazing. He was filling you up hard and fast. He stopped. “I said, do you fucking understand?”

“Keep going,” you turn and plead. He grips your ass, keeping you in place. “I said do you understand?”

“Yes. Now get back to fucking me,” you pout.

“That’s more like it sweetheart,” he grips your hips and resumes thrusting into your wet core. He is right. You have never had sex like this. It feels so good and so fulfilling. You lightly moan and put your mouth against your arm to muffle the sounds.

“Shit, you feel so good." you hear him say from behind you.

"Fuck me Rm." you whisper harshly.

He picks up the pace, slamming into you. It doesn’t take very long between the soulmate thing, the fact that people are downstairs, and the sexual tension.

As you get close he reaches around to stroke your clit, causing you to tightly clench around him as you see stars and orgasm. He follows suit a minute later; you feel the cum already starting to drip out of you.

“Jesus Christ,” you say. You feel him slowly pull out and hear him slowly putting his pants back on. You stand back up and turn around. You are surprised to see him looking very sad and uncertain.

“Did I actually hurt you?” he asks, surprisingly gently.

“If you did don’t you think your dick would hurt?” you wink at him and laugh.

“You have such a filthy mouth,” he teases you.

“Please. Five minutes ago you had me yelling “fuck me RM” I don’t want to hear it.” you smile and give him a light shove. You walk over to your desk and get some baby wipes you keep in there. You grab yourself some and then toss the pack at him. You go to your gym bag and throw on some clean panties.

_________________SEXY TIME END_____________________________

You sigh and walk over to unlock your office door. "Well, congratulations again on your award." you say as you turn the handle. He slams the door shut again, pinning you between him and the door. He looks like he wants to say something and you feel that he is working through a bunch of emotions. "Hey," you say and put your arms around his waist. "I don't regret it." you kiss him and focus on trying to feel at ease to help calm him down. "OK?" you rub your hands along the back of his neck.

"Yeah. OK." he responds quietly. He takes your right arm and pushes your bracelets out of the way so your mark is showing. He rubs it gently with his thumb.

"Come on, you have an early morning." you say as you move to open the door.

He follows you out down the hallway and you see the rest of the band hanging out in the reception hall.

"Alright, take care of yourself dude. Try not to be too much of an asshole." you smile and straighten his suit jacket. "Go. Celebrate with your band, you guys earned it." You summon all of your strength and walk over to the rest of the guys. You bow slightly, "Congratulations!" they all respond with their various "Thank you's"

"Take care!" you wave and head out to your car. This was not how you thought your night was going to go. You had sex with your soul mate. You had cheated on Ben. You needed to get out of there. You sit in your car waiting to feel guilty or bad. But it doesn't come. Instead you just feel a deep sadness about never seeing RM again.You breathe out deeply and start the car. Back to normal. Yeah right. NEXT CHAPTER

#bts rm fanfic #bts fanfic #bts au fanfic #bts fanfction #bts rm x you #bts soulmate au #bts smut #rm smut #bts namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #namjoon smut #namjoon scenarios

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givemestories-givemelife · 4 years

Text

Blueberries, Lavender & Hot Matcha Tea (Part 2)

A SasuHina ficlet

PART 1| Part 2

AN: THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THOSE WHO COMMENTED, OR RE-BLOGGED, OR LIKED THE FIRST PART TO THIS FIC. It truly means more than I can say. Helped a lot with motivation and it’s super cool to know that people are reading the things I write. I hope the follow up chapter doesn’t disappoint <3

Summary: Hinata has a run in with a familiar face.

Warnings: Brief mentions of grief and anxiety (because Hinata’s a nervous butterfly) but nothing remotely heavy. Also there’s alcohol consumption.

Word count: 6167

__________________________

Lavender

Hinata knows that she needs to start putting herself out there. She can’t stay holed up comfortably in her room while years of her life pass on by, listening to cigarettes after sex under the safe warmth of her white fluffy blanket that still smells like her late mothers perfume, and sniffing essential oils like they’re some kind of soft-core drug to distract her spiralling thoughts from every embarrassingly mortifying predicament she’s ever found herself in.

She’s been trying really hard not to think about spilling her extra hot matcha latte all over this potentially handsome stranger a few days ago. She thinks - potentially - because she did not have the courage to look at the man's face after maiming him and probably ruining his expensive suit!

Hinata’s sure she must have ruined his entire morning, which must have ruined his whole day, and now he probably hates her. Oh goodness, Hinata strongly dislikes the thought of people out there in this world walking around hating her.

Wow, these thoughts are entirely useless, she really needs to stop her brain from going down these awful paths.

Today Hinata has decided to try really hard not to wallow in the comfort of all her numbing guilty pleasures.

So, when Sakura Haruno, the loud and outgoing girl with pretty pink hair, who always smells like strawberries and vanilla from her photography course asked if she wanted to hangout and work on their portfolio’s after class; Hinata was thankful for the distraction.

They had spent that afternoon drinking green tea at the kitchen table in Sakura’s little homey apartment, showing each other their favourite pieces and sharing feedback.

“You have to include this one, it’s so cute” Sakura gushes, pointing at a print of children finger painting; a mischievous little boy is smearing bold red paint all over the face of a girl whose expression is twisted in pure terror.

“You have a real talent for capturing the essence of people.” She continues in a dreamy tone, “it’s like you’re able to capture the moment they’re most alive, even if it’s just the little moments, y’know?”

Hinata blushes at the complement, “th-thank you Sakura.”

“It's kind of ironic that people are your main muse considering how afraid of them you are.” She teases.

“I’m not sca-AhyH!”

Of course, that’s the moment a woman with a giant blond ponytail barges through the door brandishing a bouquet of peonies making Hinata squeal. “Sakura I swear to god if you ate the last of the ice-cream again, I’m gonna- Oh! hello there.” The crazy flower lady stops mid-threat noticing a stranger in her apartment.

“Ino this is Hinata from class, Hinata this is my roommate Ino.” Sakura introduces, failing to constrain her laughter.

Ino’s demeanor does a 180 as she gently rests the flowers on her lacquered kitchen counter and approaches Hinata in a trance like state. “Your hair is so long and gorgeous, it totally reminds me of the violets we have at the flower shop -- you have to let me braid it.” She breathes and Hinata’s eyes are as wide as the sky outside.

“Ino, tone it down you’re going to scare her.” Sakura chides, rolling her eyes, not at all surprised by her roommate's antics. “Do you always have to act like such a spazz?”

“I am but a simple girl who is a slave to all things beautiful.” Ino proudly counters running her fingers through blue strands and Hinata mentally notes that she smells like a garden.

Sakura’s phone vibrates on the kitchen table, “it’s Naruto,” she says glancing at the screen. “Wondering when we’ll be coming over.”

“I don’t know, an hour or two? Tell him we’re bringing Hinata!” Ino adds excitedly and starts to braid blue hair without permission. “You should come out tonight with Sakura and I, meet the rest of the gang.”

“Oh.” In high school Hinata was never able to make friends with girls, and spent most of her time in the photography club’s black room developing pictures. Her introverted nature made it difficult to connect with people, but in this moment, the prospect of meeting Sakura’s friends, and the inclusive enthusiasm from these girls is making Hinata a little emotional. “I-I don’t know.”

“Hinata, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to, but I think it could be good for you,” Sakura encourages.

“Carpe diem bitch,” is Ino’s convincing addition.

Hinata giggles, absent mindedly sniffing her wrist searching for the comforting sweet scent of the fragrance she’s wearing today, “yeah, okay.”

Ino makes a pleased sound and saunters over to a kitchen drawer to snatch a pair of scissors and clips the head off of one the peonies, then ties it into the base of Hinata’s braid. “You really have no idea how cute you are Hinata,” she coos observing her work in admiration and Hinata feels warm all over.

Hinata likes the rapport between Ino and Sakura, there’s something about their friendship that she finds inspiring.

When they split what’s left of the chocolate ice-cream and start getting ready for a night out, Hinata can’t help pulling out her camera and snapping shots of Ino with her shades of purple and Sakura’s vibes in red. Hinata feels outshined in her usual high waisted mom jean and oversized grey patterned sweater.

But that’s okay, she still feels like one of the girls.

~~~

Ino had made a strong case for wanting to get her steps in for the day, (since her fitbit said she had only reached 8243 so far) convincing the girls to walk to Naruto’s apartment instead of taking the bus. On their stroll Sakura and Ino began giving Hinata character profiles of everyone she was going to meet and Hinata found them to be quite amusing.

Ino playfully starts with, “Shikamaru’s like, my best bro. I’ve known him forever, smartest guy I know but a total stoner and he doesn’t give a fuck about anything.

“Choji gives the best hugs and he loves giving them, so if he looks like he’s going in for one - just let it happen - you’ll hurt his feelings if you don’t.”

“Naruto and Kiba are basically the same person and are the biggest loudest dorks on the planet,” Sakura chimes in, “but they’re also super friendly and kinda funny if you can get over their lack of brain cells.”

“Then there’s Sasuke,” Ino says, and hearing that name strikes a familiar chord with Hinata, triggering flashes of fond memories. “He’s really hot, but kind of a dick,” Ino hugs herself smiling at a distant memory, “basically, we all know each other from going to the same high school -”

“Ino and I had the hugest rivalry back then because we both wanted him.”

“What happened?” Hinata really wanted to ask if they were talking about Sasuke Uchiha, but didn’t want to interrupt the momentum of their story.

“We were so stupid causing all sorts of drama in our little social circle nearly tearing it apart, and Sasuke wasn’t having any of it, one day he told us to grow the fuck up and to leave him alone.” That did kind of sound like something Sasuke would say, but that would just be too big of a coincidence, wouldn’t it?

“We both cried.” Sakura snickers sheepishly.

“Eventually we finally realized that friendships should be forever-”

“And boyfriends are whatever.” Both girls enthusiastically finish the rehearsed line making silly faces at each other.

Hinata giggles at that, whishing she had taken a picture, “awe, that’s so cute.”

“And now he’s one of our good friends, but I just want to warn you that he can be cold and he can be mean and if he says something dickish, please don’t take it personally.”

Hinata hums, only half listening to Ino. Was it possible that when Hinata arrives at this apartment she was going to be face to face with the childhood friend she hasn’t seen in over a decade?

Guess she’ll just have to wait and see.

~~~

When Hinata enters the apartment, her senses are immediately overstimulated; it smells salty like ramen and sour with beer which clashes with how clean and pristine the space actually is. It’s decorated with blacks, whites and a few splashes of colors, but overall has a very minimalist feel.

Hinata barely has time to kick her shoes off before she’s surrounded by strangers, and can’t stop the heat from suffusing her face from the disorienting barrage of unwanted attention.

“Hey bitches!” Ino yells at the group, “we’re here! We know you missed us!”

“This is the beautiful Hinata,” Sakura adds, and Hinata really wants to hide under a rock somewhere. “Be nice okay, she’s really shy.”

“Hey I’m Naruto.” A blond man appears beaming at her, outstretching his hand. “I have never seen eyes that look like your eyes before!”

“Oh.” Hinata went to shake his hand but was interrupted by another hand grabbing hers and kissing it, which is so uncalled for.

“And I’m Kiba, don’t listen to that guy, he’s a complete moron.” He says with a wolfish grin and Hinata has no idea what’s going on anymore.

When she tries to turn away, she’s met with the kind face of a stout man in a green Zelda t-shirt with his arms wide open for an inviting hug. She decides to accept her fate by awkwardly stepping forward wearing a confused pout, and lets the arms of a stranger wrap around her in what is surprisingly one of the best hugs she has ever received. He smells nice, Hinata thinks. Savoury and warm like a thanksgiving dinner. For a moment she actually feels safe, like a veil has been thrown over the sudden wave of chaos, giving her a quiet moment for her heartbeat to settle, “I’m Choji, it’s really nice to meet you Hinata, try not to worry so much, everyone here is harmless, I promise.” He says, rubbing gentle circles on her back.

When Choji pulls away, he sends her one last reassuring smile before padding off towards the ponytailed man currently dying of laughter, and joining him on a leather couch. Choji grabs a handful of potato chips from a bowl on the marble coffee table and starts earnestly snacking.

Snacks! Snacks sound really nice right now! Tasting tasty things can sometimes be a good distraction when Hinata is overwhelmed. She self-consciously shuffles forward towards the provisions, drawn towards the colorful array of fresh fruits, grabbing a small handful of blueberries and popping one of them in her mouth. She tries to ignore the pair legs in her periphery... she needs a moment before making another introduction.

Hinata jumps feeling a presence directly behind her, she twirls around to see Naruto pulling back appearing extremely guilty.

What was he doing? Was he pointing at her hair?

“Hehehe, sorry about that,” he says, smiling sheepishly, and scratches the back of his head, “I was just pointing out to my friend here, how beautiful your hair is, what a wonderful shade of blue,” he made a weird face directed at someone over her head, “are you enjoying those, blueberries?”

Okay.

Hinata hears more laughter coming from ponytail boy on the couch.

Weird.

Hinata turns to see who Naruto is looking at and-

Oh.

Sasuke?

Sasuke was here.

It was her Sasuke!

She instantly looks away, eyes wide, staring down at the hardwood floors.

Well, not her Sasuke. But an older version of the one she knew as a child. The one she met that one summer years ago and spent nearly every day with him before her mother fell ill and her family moved away in the wake of tragedy.

And he was... Glaring at her? No, he was glaring at Naruto? He kind of looked like he recognized her, but why would he be glaring?

“This is fucking stupid,” Sasuke seethes and takes off towards the kitchen, where Kiba and Ino are talking and drinking.

Ouch.

Sakura approaches Hinata with a glass in hand, Hinata stares at the ice clinking as she offers it, “vodka soda, with lime?”

Well, one drink couldn’t hurt, Hinata thinks.

She glances over at a brooding Sasuke leaning on the kitchen island sipping his beer.

She might need it.

~~~

It’s nearly an hour later and Hinata feels the dread sinking deep into the pit of her stomach. She desperately wishes she could conjure up some courage, approach Sasuke, and see how he’s been after all these years, but he still hasn’t left from his spot in the kitchen.

She’s starting to believe that maybe he doesn’t recognize her, which is a rather sad thought.

Hinata also appears to be at the butt end of some sort of mean inside joke that she doesn’t understand, ponytail bo- Shikamaru and Naruto joined Sasuke in the kitchen and kept making not-so-subtle glances her way -- but whatever -- she’s a big girl, she’s not going to cry about it even if she wants to.

Currently she’s sitting on the puffy leather couch between Choji and Sakura, Sakura is sharing the memes she’s saved onto her phone this month with Ino and Kiba while Hinata stares down at the melting ice in her drink and Choji attempts to calm her with platitudes.

Hinata doesn’t regret coming tonight despite feeling like the biggest fool in existence.

After all, tonight she actually has the opportunity to reconnect with someone she still thinks about, even after all these years.

She has always wondered what had happened to that bratty boy she met that one summer.

The sinking feeling grows deeper and Hinata feels her heart beating in the drums of her ears.

She takes one last tentative sip before downing the rest of her drink and summons every ounce of bravery she didn’t know she had to strengthen her resolve.

She stands from the couch with shaky determination ignoring Choji’s concerned inquiry, then forces one foot in front of the other strait towards the guiding bright lights of the kitchen.

The easy conversation awkwardly dies down when she arrives beside Naruto and Sasuke. She feels both their gazes land on her, and Hinata spots an ugly orange magnet on the stainless-steel fridge Sasuke is leaning on that has the phrase - believe it! - stamped on it and chooses to direct most of her focus on the positive affirmation.

“Uh, hey Hinata, you doing okay?” Naruto asks, slightly taken aback. Hinata nods still focusing on the magnet, face heating up as the beginning of a buzz tingles in the corners of her mind. “Can I get you another drink?”

She looks down at the empty glass she grips and nods again, muttering a quiet thank you, and handing it over. He takes it and moves further down the island to chat with Shikamaru and starts making her another.

“Hi Sasuke,” she forces passed her chapped lips.

“Hello Hinata.” Sasuke says, sounding about as uncomfortable as she feels and she looks up, hopeful, to meet his burning gaze and quickly looks back at that stupid orange magnet.

“So, you do remember me?” She asks, confused as to why he’s been ignoring her since her arrival.

“I remember how two days ago you ran into me quite rudely, burning me with tea.”

Hinata’s brain short-circuits.

“Wait what!?-”

No! No no no no no. Impossible. No.

“-That- that was you? oh my god, oh no! I am so sorry about that, I really wasn’t looking where I was going, I-I can’t believe this, I swear you just came out of nowhere though, oh my goodness, I can’t believe that was-”

“Please just stop before you give yourself an aneurysm.” Sasuke lifts his hands in a placating manner and Hinata snaps her mouth shut. “So that’s not how you seem to know me?” He asks, further rankling as the conversation drags on.

“So you don’t remember me.” She says mostly to herself, completely humiliated by this entire exchange, every time she opens her mouth it’s like falling down a flight of stairs -- Hinata seriously wishes she would reach the bottom already.

“Remember you from... where?”

“I-I mean I guess it’s not that surprising, we were only nine or ten at the time and it-it was only one summer... over a decade ago... You-you never really did call me by my name either.” Hinata says focusing on her twiddling fingers, her voice barely above a whisper, a pensive smile framing her lips at the memory.

There’s a long drawn out silence before Sasuke slowly asks, “...Tomato face?”

Hinata feels her face burn red at the old moniker, nodding. “Yeah...”

“Hyuuga, Hinata. Shit. Yeah. I do remember.”

The culminating tension finally releases from the moment and Hinata smiles at the black and white tiles breathing just a little bit easier.

He remembers.

“Wait... Did I hear you call her a tomato?” Naruto returns with a mildly amused Shikamaru in tow, handing Hinata her drink, and looks between the pair completely intrigued.

~~~

It didn’t take long for the word to spread that Hinata and Sasuke were childhood friends and everyone congregated into the small-ish kitchen asking curious questions.

It also didn’t take long for everyone to lose interest when Naruto nudged Hinata and started grilling her for embarrassing details of what a prepubescent Sasuke was like, earning him a surly glare. Hinata shyly shrugged saying, “I-I don’t really remember, it was a long time ago.”

Safe to say -- Naruto didn’t buy it, but surprisingly didn’t press further, and the group dispersed, leaving them to reacquaint.

The conversation between them after that was unfortunately still quite awkward, thankfully, Hinata wasn’t entirely to blame.

They exchanged small talk, Hinata mentions that she actually works at Heaven’s Little Corner and was just coming off her shift early when she ran into him the other day, and Sasuke talks about going to school and getting a Bachelor's degree in Business and how he focused on E-commerce after graduation. Overall, their -- re-connecting -- consisted of the typical pleasantries involved in catching up, and Hinata couldn’t distinguish if she was disappointed or relieved when their conversation came to a lull and she couldn’t think of anymore pointless verbiage to drag it along.

What she really wanted was to reminisce over hot days on the beach, collecting tiny crabs to occupy the sandcastles they built, and how Hinata had found sand in her hair days after the event. She wanted to talk about ice-cream and food fights and sneaking out to gaze at the stars in the night sky way past their bedtime, and how they pondered if aliens exist.

“I think the universe is too big for there not to be something out there somewhere.”

She remembers Sasuke saying, thoughtfully looking up.

“I-I think you’re an alien.”

She said back, earning her an indignant huff.

“Whatever tomato face.”

She wanted to talk about how simple everything was when they were kids, how she misses that naivety and how scary the world had revealed itself to be over the years.

Hinata was never good at making friends, even as a child, but she could still look back and she knew that Sasuke was one. He had been the last mark on her childhood that had made it a good one, the last moments she had to truly be a kid before she lost her mother, the truest love she had ever felt, forcing her to grow up.

Instead silence overtakes the kitchen and they both stare at their drinks unsure of what to say.

Sasuke isn’t how she remembers him at all. Yeah, he has the same face, just matured, and the same haughtiness, but the spark for life that had once inspired her seemed to be gone.

Which is an unfair thought to have, she admits, but she can’t stop herself from thinking it.

“Well I think it’s time to go on an adventure,” Naruto awkwardly offers.

“An adventure?” Hinata repeats, eyes growing wide.

“Naruto’s idea of an adventure is leaving the house and walking around the block.” Sasuke says rolling his eyes.

“Hey anything can be an adventure if you let it!”

~~~

It smells like damp grass and Hinata nearly jumps out of her skin as Naruto’s roar of triumph echo's off the surrounding buildings, catching the glow in the dark frisbee Kiba threw him. Sakura and Ino had joined them in their late-night excursion and Hinata can’t suppress the giddy giggles from watching them stumble about attempting athleticism when they are clearly four or five drinks deep.

She snaps a few photos and decides that she likes Naruto’s philosophy of approaching even the mundane aspects of life as an adventure.

This whole day certainly has felt like one.

Hinata puts her camera away, feels the chill in the October air, and pulls her scarf tighter. She casts a glance over at the park bench where Shikamaru was smoking a joint to see that he’s now casually chatting about... string theory? -- to Choji, who continues to nod his head like he understands.

Her trailing gaze then lands on Sasuke and-

Hinata immediately looks back towards the glowing air bound frisbee.

He was watching her - he looked suspicious - Hinata doesn’t know of what.

“Hey Sakura,” Hinata tries to call out, voice wavering, “it’s getting late, I think I-I should start heading home.”

That seems to put a halt on the physical activity for a moment, she’s then hugged by every frisbee player.

“It was nice meeting you Hinata.”

“Come back any time.”

“Yes please! We need more girls in our group, Sakura and I are severely outnumbered.”

“Are you sure you don’t want us to walk you?” Sakura slurs slightly, pulling away from the tight embrace.

“I’ll be fine, thank you Sakura,” Hinata smiles at her newest friend and turns to leave but stops at the bench to wave goodbye at Choji and Shikamaru, earning her a warm smile and a lazy nod. She looks at Sasuke’s arms proudly crossed over his broad chest and says, “it was nice seeing you again Sasuke.” And makes her way down the busy street, casting one last glance behind her just in time to see Sakura jump on Ino piggyback style to catch the frisbee in an impressive display of drunken camaraderie.

She smiles wider to herself. Wow. Today was a good day. An Adventure! Even if seeing Sasuke again was really weird and awkward and not at all how she wished it could have gone, she still met a lot of new people – Sakura's friends are so nice! They made her feel right at home and didn’t make her feel too weird about being shy and -

“Hey, Hinata.”

Hinata startles, hearing the sound of her name accompanied by footsteps catching up and her breath hitches when she turns to see Sasuke slowing down next to her.

“S-Sasuke? What are you-”

“I’m going to walk you home,” he snorts like it’s obvious, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his black jacket, “it’s late.”

“Oh,” Hinata hugs herself, suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious and maybe even a little nauseous as they walk in silence, their steps in sync.

She can feel the heat of his gaze on her and Hinata makes a point to stare at the crispy autumn leaves on the pavement – yeah – Hinata has no idea what to make of this.

“You know it finally makes sense now, why I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Hinata trips over nothing, “you what?”

Leaves. Look at the leaves. The beautiful burnt orange leaves. Just. Keep. Looking.

“At the coffee shop, there was something about you, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. Guess I thought you were familiar somehow.” Sasuke shrugs, with an air of nonchalance as they cross the street.

“Oh,” Hinata’s starting to feel warm, she doesn’t know if it’s from their quickening pace, the two drinks she’s had or how Sasuke is close enough for their shoulders to brush.

“It’s kind of crazy that we’d run into each other like this, after all these years.”

Hinata stops walking and Sasuke mirrors her. There’s something in his tone that catches Hinata off guard, something almost fond? Hinata looks back in the direction of his friends, they’re about five blocks away now.

Sasuke seemed... different than how he’s been all night -- more open somehow. Maybe he feels weird about their earlier interactions too, but didn’t feel comfortable acting this way in front of his friends? Sasuke’s always been a very private person, even as a child.

“Yeah it is,” Hinata bites her lip and throws him a timid fleeting smile, silently wishing she knew what was going through his mind.

“So, why did you come back to Konoha.”

“I-uh-” Hinata starts playing with the hem of her sweater and reminds herself it’s good to open up, “-wanted to figure out this life thing for myself – be independent - if my dad had his way, I’d never leave home or do anything that wasn’t part of his plan-” she tapers off, distracted by the approaching sound of music, a dumb smile spreads across her face when she sees an old skinny man on a sparkly bicycle riding past them on the road blaring ‘Dancing Queen’ from an oversized speaker he probably installed himself -- he seemed so – in the moment, like all that existed was him and the music filling the streets that he owned – Hinata silently mourns the missed opportunity of capturing that moment forever in a-

“You were saying,” Sasuke pokes her shoulder harder than necessary, bursting her from her reverie, and starts leading her down concrete stairs away from the bustling main road of the city, towards the waterfront.

“Right,” Hinata continues feeling energized from the random encounter and embarrassed from being caught drifting away in a daydream when they were in the middle of a conversation, “it was – uh - hard to leave my sister, but she encouraged me to go, that I should at least attempt to do the dream chasing thing.” Hinata pats her shoulder bag in reference to her camera. “I saved up some money and here I am, making it up as I go.”

“Hm, you always were snapping pictures everywhere you went.”

Their steps slow to a stop once they reach the cold metal railing where tourists gather during the day overlooking the docks, but it’s mostly quiet at this time of night.

It smells cold from the breeze and salty from the ocean. The lampposts must need changing because the only light is from the half-moon in the cloudless sky, casting them in dark shades of blue.

Hinata takes a deep breath observing the skyline and the colorful lights reflecting in the undulating ocean waves, then asks the question that’s been bothering her since their seemingly kismet reunion. “What do you remember after all this time?”

“I remember...” He trails off, Hinata doesn’t miss the sly edge in his tone. “That I had told you I’d marry you one day,” his voice is deep, almost gravely when he takes a slow playful step closer and Hinata swears her heart skips several beats noticing their breaths mixing in the cold air between them. “And that... you were technically my first kiss.” He says with a sarcastic snort, stepping back, and gesticulates somewhere behind them. “You can’t tell them about it though. Especially Naruto, the idiot would never let me live it down.”

Hinata blushes at the memory and attempts to mask her frown with an indignant pout, trying not to take the jeer personally.

Sasuke always did like to mess with her.

“You were my only kiss.” Hinata then whispers without thinking and regrets it. She immediately hates the implications -- like she’s some inexperienced-love-sick-twenty-something, who’s never gotten over her childhood crush.

Hinata sighs, briefly drowning in her own self-deprecating thoughts, gripping at the railing, eyes a passing ship, and pretends she can’t feel him studying her, surprised by the admission.

“What do you remember?” He asks back, finally breaking the silence.

She bites her lip, thinking, a rush of memories flashing one by one, settling on their goodbye -- her sobbing because she had to move away to a new city thousands of miles away that had special doctors who could treat her mother, how Sasuke was speechless and could only squeeze her tight in the first and only hug they had ever shared.

She remembers how he always told her she should stand up for herself, even against him, and she remembers how sometimes when she was around, he’d bite his tongue, holding back petulant sneers.

There’s a small quirk to her lips when she softly says, “Looking back, I-I always thought that we brought out the best in each other.”

There’s another long silence and Hinata once again feels the heavy weight of his gaze examining her, he reaches out and she stiffens when he gently grips the base of her braid touching the bright pink flower there.

“Did Ino do this?” He quietly asks, and there something hidden in his voice that shifts the mood of their conversation, and he’s close again, close enough for their visible breaths to once again mix, his fingers trail down towards the tail end of her braid.

“Uh huh.” Hinata breathes, watching his fingers play with the tip of her strands.

“Why can’t you…” he starts to ask, unsure, but curious, “never mind.” He let’s go of the braid, huffing lightly in frustration and leans on the railing, looking out towards the roaring waves.

Hinata’s stunned by his sudden apprehension. "Why can’t I what?”

“I said never mind.”

“But… I- I want to know.”

“Why can’t you look at me?”

“Oh.”

Sasuke sighs, “you don’t have to answer.”

Hinata bites her lip hard, internally wincing. “I-it’s not just you it’s most people really.” She starts, racking her brain for the right words “- It’s -it’s embarrassing… Well everything is embarrassing but, I get anxious about nothing all the time? And looking at people. I don’t know. I get paranoid that they can hear my thoughts or something? Not that I’m thinking about anything weird, well sometimes I am… it’s easier when they’re not looking back at me... Anyways... I guess it’s just become a bad habit now…” she sighs and smiles bitterly at the mess that just flew out of her mouth. “So, to summarize, looking at people kind of sometimes really freaks me out?”

“I see,” Sasuke says, Hinata glances at his mouth, he’s smiling a little, it’s almost warm in an amused sort of way, which completely disarms her.

Hinata’s tongue feels dry, “uhm, do-do you ever feel anxious?”

“Never. I get annoyed or frustrated with people very easily though, which can be problematic, not that I care”

“I guess some things never change then.” Hinata teases gently.

Sasuke smirks, he seems ready to retort with a quip but retreats and opts for something entirely different, “are there things that help you with your anxiety?”

There’s something about the question that makes Hinata feel warm all over, she never really gets to talk about these kinds of things without it feeling like it would dampen the mood, but there’s surprisingly no judgement in his tone, he seems genuinely curious, which encourages her to open up some more, "I find different scents to be calming, so I wear whatever my current favorite essential oil is on my wrist every day and whenever I feel too overwhelmed,” Hinata begins to explain in a rush pulling her sleeve up to demonstrate and presents Sasuke her wrist, “I close my eyes, count down from ten and-” Hinata’s breath catches in her throat and her eyes fly open when Sasuke gently pulls her forward by the wrist and she feels the softness of his lips brush over her pulse, then draws in a slow breath to scent the fragrance she chose to wear that day, “...and... sniff.”

Oh goodness, is it getting hot out here? Because Hinata’s face feels like it’s about to burst into flames. Hinata debates pulling her arm back but is currently enraptured by the softest look she’s seen on the Uchiha’s face this evening.

This feels way too intimate, and Hinata thinks she likes it. Hinata thinks that maybe this is what’s been missing in her life. The feeling of being close to someone in more ways than just proximity. Is it possible she’s been physically and emotionally touch starved for years without realizing it?

That’s a thought that petrifies her. How sleeping on your basest human needs can become a habit, and you find yourself going through the trivial motions of existence, not bothering to search for more, for something that makes your heart sing, twist, and turn into itself the way that muscle pumping blood through her circulatory system at a quickening pace is doing right now.

“Lavender,” Sasuke murmurs against her wrist and his breath feels hot on her skin, Hinata struggles for breath when the sensation brings her back to the present moment and she realizes that she’s been staring directly into his darkened obsidian eyes, boring into hers and she finds herself unable to look away. A subtle look of achievement flashes through them when he softly asks, “you okay there?”

Is she dead? Is she imagining this? This whole situation with the soft touches coinciding with depressing epiphanies triggered by Sasuke smelling her suddenly seems completely absurd, and Hinata’s not sure she’ll be able to form a coherent sentence any time soon.

“I uh, uhm.” There’s definitely something wrong with Hinata’s voice when she attempts to speak.

“I think that...” Sasuke smoothly adjusts their hands to interlock their fingers and his hand feels so warm in hers, “you should go out with me.”

What is happening?

“No.”

Hinata kinda meant to say yes, but sure, no works too?

“What?”

“I mean, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Hinata winces slightly. Gosh what is she even saying? Is this some sort of weird defense mechanism because she’s afraid of getting hurt?

Sasuke nods slowly, narrowing his eyes, “why not.”

Don’t you have to risk getting hurt to get anywhere in life that’s worth while?

“I-I don’t know.”

“Hn.” Sasuke breaks eye contact and lets their holding hands fall. Hinata reels at the loss of warmth. He turns away from her and crosses his arms over the railing and looks out towards the dark rhythmic waves of the ocean. Hinata worries her bottom lip between her teeth as she studies the man before her. The moonlight is hitting the sharp angles of his face just perfect, and Hinata’s in awe. He’s all grown up now, and by default that means Hinata is too. Yet, here they are, the oldest they’ve been, and still the youngest they will ever be.

Nostalgia floods through Hinata’s system, deciding to grab the moment instead of letting it pass. She’s not sure when she pulled the camera out of her bag, but the flash went off before she understood that she was taking a picture.

Sasuke jumps slightly at the flash and is pulled from his brooding thoughts, shooting her a puzzled glare.

“Sorry, that was kind of weird of me. I just – I just thought you-you looked erm... nice in the moonlight?”

A bewildered look flashes across Sasuke’s face before a small smile begins to form and he laughs! He actually, genuinely laughs while shaking his head in what appears to be disbelief.

The only thing Hinata can do is smile sheepishly distracted by how handsome he looks when he lets go of his composure, the light in his eyes makes him look younger, like the Sasuke she knew all those years ago.

Hinata wonders if any of his friends get to see him like this.

He looks down at the pavement, shoulders still shaking, smile still present and pinches the bridge of his nose while taking in a slow breath and on his exhale, he reaches into his pocket, pulls out his phone, unlocks it, hands it over and says, “give me your number.”

Hinata tentatively obliges, pulling open the add new contact page, filling in the blanks then handing it back. Sasuke starts typing something in his phone and asks. “Do you work Sunday?”

“Uhm, yes?”

Hinata’s phone buzzes, when retrieving it from her bag she sees a text from an unknown number.

>> I’m going to come by after your shift and I'm taking you out. Don’t even bother using your mouth to respond.

Hinata feels her fingers tingling and tries to open her mouth to speak, closes it, bites her lip to try and stifle her giggles and resists the urge to slap herself in the face for acting like a complete airhead.

She pushes her fears aside one more time tonight...

And takes the damn dive.

<< Okay <3

__________________________

AN2: Wow, okay. A month later and I have the second part to this little story. This is the first time that I’m posting something I didn’t just throw together in one sitting. I’ve also never posted anything that was longer than 1200 words and it’s unexpectedly a little nerve-wracking??? OKAY SO, I guess there’s going to be one last chapter and it’s going to be like 90% SasuHina interactions? And spoiler alert they’re finally going to make-out. I have this SasuHina headcannon where they’re both private people who generally keep to themselves -- so people think they’re a boring couple, but when they’re alone together it’s like they’re in their own little world, and that’s the dynamic I’m looking forward to exploring in the final part. I’m not sure when it’s going to be up since I have a bunch of other stuff I need to work on so it depends on how the inspo hits me, but I do have plenty of fun ideas!

#sasuhina #sasuhina oneshot #sasuhina fanfic #sasuhinafanfiction #hinata #sasuke #naruto #mystuff #Hinata hyuuga #hinata fanfic

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ashleyinwondrland · 4 years

Text

I rewrote the ending of PLL with A as the capital A!

So I rewrote my dream ending for Pretty Little Liars. Its stupidly long.

After Mona went to Radley, Ezra was mad about which direction the book was going in (he was obsessed) so he became A so he could control the story and found it to be more exciting than just writing. It was like he writing everyone's lives, he was the ultimate writer. Every writer wants to think their words will influence people, Ezra got to see it first hand. And he would get to write his own ending.

He used it to track down Ali and hired Charlotte, and made her think that she was actually Uber A and was the master mind when he was really pulling the strings.

He was obsessed with Aria more than the others and wanted to be able to keep her if everyone found out which is why he was slowly trying to isolate her from her friends. If he was the only one who Aria had to turn to, then he would never lose her. The perfect romantic ending, the two against the world. Romeo and Juliet but with a honeymoon.

When she found out about the book Ezra had to take a break from being A or else they would connect the two, so he hired Shana and handed the reigns over to Charlotte for awhile and orchestrated himself getting shot (tho it wasn’t aimed well) to get back in Aria’s good graces.

During the time he gave Charlotte, her working from France at first with Shana, Jenna and others doing her bidding, Charlotte became more obsessed with the power and Ezra lost control of the game. Charlotte went off the rails, and took it too far. She was writing chapters that Ezra wasn't able to edit.

He couldn't just rip out the pages of the dollhouse, the family connection or Charlotte turning herself in. She wrote an ending to the book that didn't satisfy Ezra. Even though he was now in clear of all charges, and he could technically move on, his book, his life's work was now no better than a paper back in the bargain bin at a pharmacy.

Ezra spends the next 5 years trying to recreate the magic he had with that book. Everything he writes is meaningless compared to the story that slipped out of his hands. Every bottle he drinks he prays has the answer at the bottom. But then his prayers are answered when he hears Charlotte is being released.

He realizes now it’s time to get back in the game but first he has a loose end to tie up. A perfect way to bring the game back and get rid of the person who ruined it. He called Charlotte, under the pretense of talking about bring A back. He knew the hospital would never be able to really cure her, and she took the bait. They met at the Church where only meant to push her out of the window. But once she got to bragging about being a better A than him he lost control and strangled her before tossing her out.

Now the game was his again. Which mean he would have to call on another old helper.

He had to call on the person who else who was just as invested in the girls lives and had access he didn’t (to Radley specifically). Someone who knew everything but like him had never been implicated, which is where Wren came in. Ezra knew about Wren and him flirting and kissing Spencer. So when Ezra sat down to an unsuspecting Wren they got to talking. After buying a few rounds Ezra slipped in that these Rosewood high school girls are such teases. Wren took the bait, going on about Spencer and how she was always playing him hot and cold.

Wren joined team A and gave Ezra access to whatever Radley files he needed and helped Charlotte be able to get in an out without questions. Wren also gave Ezra access to his cabin to be used for backup A head quarters just incase Ravenswood got found.

Ezra had the perfect partner in his British friend. Wren also had his own help, Melissa, who didn’t know quite what she was involved with but she knew it would protect Spencer and Ezra having found out about her burying Bethany when Melissa accidentally confessed it to Wren used it to blackmail her into becoming the Black Widow. As far as Melissa knew, Wren was also being blackmailed because he wanted to protect her and she had no idea Ezra was behind it

Jump forward to when Ezra finally got back with Aria and everyone was happy, he knew it was time to finish the game, the last chapter. Which is why he proposed to Aria and tried to rush her into getting married.

But he had to be sure he could truly trust her, over all of her friends. That if everything came out that she would side with him, even if it meant silencing her friends. He gave her the file, and tried to get her over to team A. Watching her choose him made him fall in love with her all over again. She didn't need her friends, and now he knew if something happened to them then she wouldn't fall apart. Because she had him. And he would always have her.

During the game Mona started to feel her A addiction again. She needed to focus and win this time. Her medication was just getting in the way. She went off it and started to recall things from Radley, visitors who came to see her, who came to see Charlotte, and who came to take the game away.

She doesn’t have all the pieces together when she accuses Ezra in front of everyone of being AD, and no one believes her but finding out she is off her medication they decide to get her help and don’t think twice about her accusations. She screamed they were in danger but none of them, especially Aria would listen.

Jump forward a year and Wren goes back to hospital to take care of Mona. But Wren doesn’t have the strongest will and Mona convinces him that they need her. She started the game, they needed her to end it.

Ezra and Aria are about to get married and be all happy so Ezra surprises her with a new house, the one Toby built. He told her it was poetic, that they live and love in a house their friend's love built. It was a house meant for love. Aria is so excited but what she doesn’t realize is the under ground bunker he built, where all his AD stuff is and also would be a comfy place if say your wife finds what you have been up to and you have to keep her somewhere.

Spencer goes to the brew and finds Wren there arguing with Ezra in hushed tones (about not killing Mona, leaving such a giant loose end) she had no idea they knew each other. She confronts them and they make a stupid lie about Ezra spilling coffee on Wren.

She asks Wren what he is doing in town and he just says business and tell her he has to leave but they should catch up soon. Wren, being the flip flopper that he is, still didn't know which Hastings lady he would take down to the bunker, should the time come. But seeing as Spencer was standing in front him, gorgeous as ever, he was leaning her way. Part of the deal Wren made with Ezra when he explained about the bunker was that Wren got to also bring a “friend” down. Ezra starts to get panicky, he knew Mona was out and about. He knew that she wanted the game back but he couldn't let her ruin his ending. Aria dismisses it as pre wedding jitters.

A day before the wedding Aria goes to the new house to take some pictures as reference for when she is furniture shopping and to sending little photos to her friends. Ezra suggested they not bring visitors by until after the wedding and they get some furniture. She goes out back to the tool shed, notices the ground is uneven and finds a secret door in the ground. She goes under and finds everything, but what she doesn’t know is Wren is already down there and he hits her over the head, then calls Ezra and tells him they have a problem.

Ezra planned to tell Aria everything about the book on their honeymoon and if she reacted badly was going to claim and accident happened where she goes missing but keep her in the bunker (he had practice making someone go missing) but now Aria was in the bunker and he couldn’t just let her out. He goes to the bunker where Aria is terrified and won’t go near him, he thinks she just needs time to cool down. He tells her that she will understand everything soon, and they will be happy. That if he trusts her as a writer then to trust the love story he has written for them.

He takes her phone and sends a text to everyone saying “we can’t deal with the wedding stress and our parents constantly arguing over useless things like table cloths, we decided to leave for our honeymoon and elope. I’m sorry and we love you all.”

He figures that will keep everyone busy for awhile while he tries to convince Aria to get on board, reminding her how she betrayed her friends for him and how their love story would go down in literary history. She already chose him over her friends more than once, what would make this any different.

In the mean time, the girls are hurt Aria left to get married without them but they understand, except for Spencer who feels like things don’t add up because she had spoken to Aria just a couple hours before and she was excited for the wedding. Spencer looked back through her texts with Aria and looked at one of the house pictures to realize she knew the house. Toby had built that house. She decided to go over to make sure that everything was alright.

The girls all disperse, Emily and Ali talking about how they need to get home to the girls and Hanna to see if she can refashion the bridesmaids dresses into something she can show to a client, though after they leave Spencer realizes Emily’s Fitbit fell off and sends her a text that she will hold onto it til they see each other again and put it in her pocket. Spencer gets to the house to see all the lights out. She goes up to the porch to peak in, but figures they must have left for their honeymoon. She turns to go only to come back to face with Wren, but before she can question him she feels something slam into the back of her head and everything goes black.

Spencer wakes up in a cell across from Aria, her phone missing and Ezra & Wren are just standing there, both looking concerned. Ezra apologizes for hitting her so hard. They explain they didn’t want things to work out like this, and once they calm down it is very comfortable and nice in the make shift home they built down in the bunker and when things were settled they could all move away to a much bigger place so the girls would have more room. Ezra knows that they will still have questions so he leaves them both with his manuscript, detailing all the events, with a little creative editing and with the ending that has yet to unfold.

They jump to the end and read that Ezra plans to be the hero, and pin the entire thing on Spencer, who became AD as a way to keep the girls together after realizing how much she missed them when they came back for Charlotte’s trial and used Charlotte’s death, who she killed, to keep them in Rosewood

He planned to make it seem like Spencer followed them on their honeymoon, making use of Melissa by having her getting on a plane as Spencer so they had her on the flight manifest, and tried to kill Ezra for taking Aria away while confessing she was AD and Ezra, in self defense, pushes her off the side of a cliff. Aria freaks out how the man she loved could even think about her best friend while Spencer keeps flipping through looking for clues.

Meanwhile, the others grow concerned they haven’t heard from Aria, who should’ve landed and always texts after a flight or Spencer, who wasn’t at home when they checked and wasn't answering her phone.

Mona shows up and tells them AD is back and is ready to end the game, for good and she knows at least one person helping is Wren but she doesn’t know who AD is yet. She knows if she says Ezra again they will try to throw her back in the hospital. They assume at the very least Spencer was probably kidnapped and after Caleb can’t pin point her cell phone Emily remembers Spencer has the Fitbit and maybe they can track her with that (might have to bend reality) and Caleb is able to find a location, the house Toby built. They make their way there.

Spencer and Aria try to break out, Aria manages to toss a bobby pin to Spencer. Ezra comes back asks how far they are in the book and what they think of it so far, he actually sounds genuine for their feedback. Realizing this is the only chance they might have, Aria tried to distract him by asking him questions like what will happen to Melissa after. Ezra thinks for a moment and then goes into that why they were perfect for each other, because even after everything she wants to help him with her writing. He then admits that Melissa would end up being the one he actually pushes over the cliff. While Ezra is still facing Aria, Spencer gets the lock open and uses her copy to knock him over the head though she knows he won’t be down for long so she opens Aria’s cage and they run not realizing they have no where to go.

Above ground, the others get to the house and start to look around when Toby sees the shed and mentions he didn’t build a shed. When they open the shed they see Wren inside who is starting to open the trap door who tries to make a run for it but Hanna manages to trip him and he hits his head on a rock. The guys work on tying him up while the girls look for Spencer, thinking Wren is AD and the bunker would be safe now and they come across Ezra who looks dazed and convinces them that AD kidnapped Aria and himself and that the girls have to get out of the bunker before AD comes back.

He starts to lead them out when they run into Spencer and Aria who yell that he is AD, Ezra acts quickly and grabs Ali as a hostage while pulling out a knife. He tells Ali that this whole mess started with her anyways, it should end with her.

Behind him is the sound of a gun cocking, aimed right at his head, Mona says “Actually this started with me, and I am going to be the one to finish it.”

Ezra and Wren are taken into custody, where the both face charges of extortion, stalking, kidnapping, murder, building a creepy bunker without a permit and statutory rape

The girls all agree it’s time to finally leave Rosewood, for good

I don’t get paid for it nor have years to plan it out but thats another story and please write your opinions at the very least in the tags !! Also if you add your opinion in the discussion comment thing or in your tag, a calorie free cookie is in your future !

#pretty little liars #pll #ezra is a #ezra fitz #aria montgomery #spencer hastings #hannah marin #emily fields #alison dilaurentis #ezria #wrencer #emison #anti ezria #anti wrencer #haleb

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copperbadge · 4 years

Photo

Taking this photo is the last thing I remember doing on January 5th, around 7:30pm. [Description: A picture of Polk on the Most Coveted Blanket, with one leg stretched out in front of her.]

Wanna hear about my concussion? Have a peep under the cut!

The morning of Monday, January 6th, I didn’t feel well when I woke up; when I actually got out of bed I realized I was dizzy, nauseated, and in pain, and my glasses weren’t on the bedside table where I always put them. When I looked in the mirror I had a black eye and cuts on the left side of my head, and I realized I didn’t remember how I’d gotten them, or when I’d put on my pyjamas and gone to bed the night before. I found my glasses on the living room floor next to the cat toy bin.

One of the only good decisions I made the entire week was to get dressed and go to the walk-in clinic across the street and get seen for a neurological exam.

One trip to the ER and several scans later, we determined that I had a concussion but wasn’t going to die from it. I had a lot of time to sit and stare at the walls while I was waiting for doctors to come and look at me, and out of sheer boredom I actually managed to reconstruct the rest of my previous night. Check this shit out, from my FitBit monitor:

[Description: a line chart with a squiggly up-and-down line that peaks occasionally above 90 but mostly falls well below it.]

That’s a chart of my pulse over the course of the 5th of January. See where it says “fat burn”? My doctors and I are pretty sure that spike in my pulse is an adrenaline rush where I tripped and fell in my living room and bashed my head on something. Possibly the floor, more likely the ottoman of the chair where I found my glasses the following morning. FitBit’s timestamping is a little iffy but it was around 8:20pm when that spike hit. (I had thought it was 8 and I’ve told several people it was 8 but my notes from that day and the FitBit both say 8:20.)

And then I got up and went to bed where I fell asleep around 8:45, at least according to the FitBit:

[Description: a FitBit sleep chart, showing sleep from 8:47pm to 3:27am, with various periods of deep, light, and REM sleep, and faint moments of wakefulness.]

Waking up at 3:30am is actually not unusual for me; in this case I eventually went back to sleep but FitBit recorded that as a second sleep event for about an hour, from roughly 6-7am.

Here’s a fun fact: I know I sent this email to my boss and colleagues on January 6th, and for all of January 6th I clearly remembered sending this email, because I talked about it on the 6th. I remember talking about sending it.

But I don’t remember sending it.

[Description: an email sent at 7:07am on January 6th, which reads “Hi team, I’m not feeling well and I’m going to take a sick day- with any luck I should be back in tomorrow. Thanks for understanding! S.”]

A lot of my friends and family are significantly more freaked out by all this than I am, and honestly that may very well be the concussion too; there’s no emotional depth to the way I think about missing an entire evening of my life and having a fairly severe injury as a result. That part strikes me, and I know this is inappropriate, as mostly funny. It’s probably a coping mechanism, but might legitimately be a crossed wire somewhere in my already poorly-wired brain.

I have a lot of feelings about the concussion’s impact, mostly frustration that I’m recovering slowly and sadness that I had to basically write off my entire January -- I couldn’t go on a trip I’d planned, and while I got to travel this past week, I’ve basically spent the rest of the month going between work and home without too many side trips elsewhere, even locally, like out to dinner after work or to the Target near work in the morning to get a snack.

At this point it’s been weeks and I’m improving, but I still struggle with what I call the three Ds: Decision making, Depth perception, and Dialogue. I’m not crossing the street anywhere but a crosswalk and any time except when the light is green, because I’m afraid of making a poor judgement call and crossing too close to oncoming traffic. I’m mostly steady on my feet at this point, but for days I couldn’t navigate stairs easily, and steps-down and curbs still fuck me up; I’m only this week getting back up to the speed at which I normally walk when I’m going somewhere.

And when I write I’m fine, but when I’m speaking I often grope for words, particularly proper names for things, and have to describe them through their association with other things. It’s gotten better, but I still sometimes occasionally have to go four or five steps away from something to get back to it.

This is a literal example of something I said recently:

“Who is the actor, he was on Doctor Who? After the bald one. That actor, only in the movie...I mean, it wasn’t a movie, it was a long movie...a series. That actor, in the series, where the guy who wrote Sandman co-wrote the book? The character he played.”

Things I could not reference by name:

David Tennant or Chris Eccleston

The Ninth and Tenth Doctors by number

Good Omens

Terry Pratchett or Neil Gaiman

The character Crowley, which is what I was actually trying to reference

But I could get to a reference that would lead to David Tennant, and one that would lead to Neil Gaiman, and together those could get me to Good Omens if someone else filled in a few blanks. Why is Sandman, a comic series I haven’t read in ten years, still in my head, when Good Omens, a book I love and read semi-yearly and just watched the miniseries of, isn’t? Who fucking knows.

At one point I also called a hammer and nails, “The thing you hit wall fasteners with.” It’s like playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon only with every proper noun.

It is getting better, but I think the point of this post (other than sharing a funny picture of my cat) is that I just simply cannot recommend getting a concussion, especially at the age of forty. It’s no good, zero stars, would not concuss again.

But if you do wake up with no memory of the previous night and head wounds, and you wonder if you should go to the doctor: YES. YOU SHOULD GO TO THE DOCTOR.

PUT ON SOME SOCKS AND GO TO THE DOCTOR.

#ways I have injured myself #concussion

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talkfastromance4 · 4 years

Text

Mama’s Day--Luke&Lily oneshot

So this isn’t what I originally wanted to post today but mama needed some lovin’. I got a bit carried away. This is 1,244 words of fluff and sweetness

Enjoy :)

Luke&Lily Masterlist

donate to my ko-fi here :)

Masterlist

• • • •

You’d woken up to Luke’s side of the bed empty. Confused, you rubbed your eyes and glanced at the clock on your Fitbit, it was almost 9:00 and you sat up so quickly. Lily’s usually calling for you by 7:50 and if Luke’s gone--

You hurl yourself out of bed so fast you nearly fall to the floor and you run to Lily’s room thinking something is terribly wrong. Her bed is empty and panic sets in. You fly down the hall and see Luke and Lily in the kitchen, she’s sitting in her high chair while she’s facing Luke who’s at the stove.

Placing your hand on your chest to calm your racing heart realizing they’re both okay, you approach them a bit more slowly.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” you ask.

“Mama!” Lily holds up her small yellow handled fork at you, smeared blueberries on her face.

“No!” Luke whips around, spatula in hand and what looks like cake batter on his cheek. He starts to push you backwards out of the kitchen. “You’re supposed to still be sleeping.”

Lily’s giggling at you and Luke.

“What? Why?” you’re confused as he turns you around.

“You’ll see. Now get your cute butt back to bed,” he says then swats your butt with the spatula.

You yelp in surprise, turning to give him a look which he returns with a smirk. But you follow his orders and crawl back into bed staring at the ceiling listening to Luke talk to Lily and her sweet voice reply back.

After several more minutes when you were about to get up again because you were bored, Luke appears in the doorway with a plate and your favorite mug. Lily is close behind with a white lily in her hands.

“What’s all this for?” you smile sitting up in bed looking at the treats they’ve brought. There’s two blueberry pancakes, scrambled eggs and a few small pieces of bacon.

“This is gonna be your day today,” Luke smiles, setting your mug on the nightstand then hands you the plate. He lifts Lily onto the bed next. “Can you give your mama your present?”

“Here mama!” Lily extends her hands out, proudly presenting you with the flower.

“It’s so pretty, thank you sweetie,” you smile pressing it to your nose. She claps and smiles then crawls next to you leaning on your shoulder. You look at Luke with a questionable expression.

“You’ve been working late a lot this week, so I wanted you to sleep in and give you breakfast,” he explains sitting on the edge. “And when you’re done eating, you’ve got a massage at eleven o’clock and a mani pedi. We’ll be getting them with you, too.”

“Luke, you don’t have to--”

“I want to, lovie. You deserve a day to relax,” he leans forward and kisses your forehead before climbing next to Lily on his side of the bed. He places her in his lap.

You eat your meal happily, sharing some with Luke in between bites and when you’re finished you give him a sweet as maple syrup kiss. After you shower and get dressed, you grab for your keys in the bowl on the kitchen counter but Luke stops you.

“Oh no, missy. I’m driving,” he grins and kisses you sweetly. He’s already got Lily dressed and ready to go along with her bag.

You stare at him incredulously before following him to the car.

Your massage is pure bliss. Ninety minutes of relaxation and getting the knots upon your knots undone by the masseuse with essential oils and warm lotion. You were still pretty blissed out when Luke and Lily picked you up to move onto the mani pedi’s.

You and Luke sat in the chairs while you had Lily in your lap and one of the nail techs painted her fingernails a pretty pastel pink.

“Like bunny mama!” she exclaims when they are finished.

“You match!” you say in the same fashion giving her head a kiss. Luke is beaming at you both while your toenails are being painted and he’s just getting his cuticles tamed.

When you’re both getting your nails done, Lily is sitting between you both with her sippy cup of juice and the tablet watching Blue’s Clues.

“What do you think?” Luke asks.

“I think I’m completely in love with you,” you grin leaning over to give him one, two, three kisses above Lily’s head.

The both of you got your nails done the same color as Lily so you could all match and she was absolutely ecstatic. You took pictures of all your nails and even got a super adorable one of Lily. Her hands are on her cheeks and she’s smiling so wide her eyes are nearly closed.

When you arrive back home it’s time for Lily’s nap so Luke puts her down while you get comfy on the couch and select a movie to watch, per his instructions. You press play as soon as he’s back shifting over so he has enough room next to you.

Instead, he kneels in front of you on the floor, smirking at you as he kisses your bare knees. His fingers unbutton your shorts.

“Luke, what are you--”

“Shh, you’re still relaxing, lovie,” he mumbles, kissing the inside of your right thigh before pulling your shorts and panties off.

“Lily--”

“Is fast asleep, snoring away just like you,” he chuckles. He rubs the scruff of his beard up your inner thigh and pushes your legs open.

“I do not--” you gasp when you feel his tongue slip between your folds “--snore!”

He hums as if to disagree with you but the implications of that hum has you falling deeper into the couch. Your fingers thread through his pretty blond curls and he licks and suckles on your sex. You move your hips closer to his face and Luke makes sure he licks at every crevice before inserting a finger.

“Mm, Luke,” you moan, closing your eyes. All your attention is on his motions just like all his attention is on pleasuring you, slipping his finger in and out easily while he sucks on your clit.

Soon, your moans turn squeaky as you try not to be so loud but your orgasm is approaching. When he adds another finger and wiggles his tongue faster, you feel your body heat up. Your stomach clenches and you’re pulling on his hair and the lower half of your body tenses from the intense orgasm.

Luke’s fingers continue to pump it from you, riding you through it until your body relaxes and you open your eyes heavily. He’s already staring right back.

“You’re so pretty when you cum, lovie,” he sighs and pulls his fingers out slowly. He kisses your pussy delicately and slips your panties and shorts back up your legs. He fastens them and pulls up the zipper. “What movie are we watching?”

After Lily’s nap the three of you spent the rest of the afternoon in the pool with Petunia lying on the edge panting heavily as she watched you all. Luke made your favorite dinner and somehow had chocolate covered strawberries for dessert? You have no idea how or when he got those but you’ve never felt more pampered or loved in your whole life.

Then, when you both put Lily to bed, Luke pleasured you three more times before you passed out into a very restful sleep.

• • • •

Taglist: @galcalirwin @cashtonasff5sos @wokeupinjapanisabop @myloverboyash @rotten-kandy @tea4sykes @jannimoeller3 @loveroflrh @iovehemmings @cxddlyash @princesslrh @here-for-the-uproars @katiaw2 @g-l-pierce @fairyintheglass @gosh-im-short @banditocth @dezzym17 @wildflowerxcth @lukeisbaby @spicycal @mysticalhood @thesubtweeter

#luke&lily #luke&lily oneshot #luke hemmings fluff #luke hemmings smut #luke fluff #luke smut #luke 5sos #luke x reader #luke x single!mom #luke x single mom!reader

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needloveandpositivity · 3 years

Text

It's been described as the worst year of my life packed into 3 or 4 months. And it has been. 2020 was so good for us. We grew closer in our relationship. I knew quarantine was either going to make or break us, and we are doing so well together. I love him with all my heart. But there's so much going on, I'm so exhausted.

We became really close with his aunt and uncle over the summer. We visited often, they came to visit here, it was a good relationship. His aunt became a confidant for me. We could talk about anything. Then his uncle decided to fuck off. Left with no warning. They had 1 fight and he was gone. Aunt was heart broken. My man went to pick up uncle, because my man has a huge heart. It felt like we got shoved in the middle of their separation. Aunt vented to me often about uncle. Trashing him left right and center. I didn't really like him in the first place, but he's family, I gotta tolerate him. But it's so hard to stay neutral. Not even a week after he left, he started seeing another woman. A woman who he had already cheated on aunt with in the past.

I did my best to keep aunts head level, so she wouldn't call, text, email, what ever this lady to try and ruin uncles set up he had. She was so angry. So bitter. And I understood 100%, I think her feelings were justified. He left her. Again. 3rd time he walked out on her because she was trying to help him sort himself out.

My birthday, I get a text message, my man's great aunt had passed away. The woman that uncle was living with passed away suddenly in her sleep. She wasn't a super healthy woman, I understand she had cancer and diabetes, she had basically given up. But she seemed to be doing well, all things considered. We had just seen her the weekend before, she was happy, joking with us. And suddenly, gone. In a text message. We went to see my family that weekend, my dad and my brothers birthdays are all around mine as well, so we were going to celebrate together. I let my parents know, my man's great aunt has passed away quite suddenly. No response. No, "I'm sorry for your loss" no "wow that's terrible, my condolences" nothing. Just oh, yeah I overheard your man say it to his mom earlier. Thanks.

I had 3 weeks off work between contracts. I tried to use that time to organize the apartment, sort things to sell/give away, but Toronto was shutting down again for lock down, so I couldn't really do much with the things I didn't want anymore. So I'm still sitting on those boxes.

The 3rd week, my man's mom came to visit for a few days, which was nice. Her and I get along really well. We went to pet smart, went for a walk, hung out, it was nice. But she left in the middle of the night, no text, no explanation. Just gone. I woke up the next morning looking for her, assuming she went out to smoke, and I couldn't find her. She must have noticed I was active on Facebook, because she messaged me like 20 minutes later, said her gut told her to go home, so she did. At like 3am.

Like a week or 2 later she starts getting all distant, hardly responding to me, not giving me solid answers about Christmas plans, just keeps saying what ever. I asked her if something was wrong and she just kept saying no. It was like this for like a week or two and she just kept getting more and more snippy with me. So I finally asked my man like is your mom mad at me or something. But he's like no no she's fine she loves you why would she be mad at you, what could you possibly have done? And that's what I was wondering too, like, what can I do? What have I done?

Finally, she tells my man that she was upset with me, she thought I didn't want to see her on Christmas. That she was just an after thought. Because I offered to see her all day on December 26th. She took offense to December 26th because in her mind, December 26th is the left over day. The day that people who don't matter get. In my family, December 25 and December 26 hold the same value. We always switched back and forth with my moms family and my dads family for Christmas day and boxing day. This Christmas, with the covid rules and everything, my dads family was going to visit on the 27th, just a few of them, and mom's side was going to do Christmas day, since it was their turn anyways. So the 26th was completely free, and I wanted to give MIL our undivided attention. No rushing to another dinner, she gets the day. But she didn't want that. She wanted Christmas day. But she wouldn't communicate that to me so that we could arrange that for her.. so she thought I didn't want to see her. That she didn't matter. And she got all angry and distant about it without just telling me.

We finally got it sorted out, Christmas was super messy, my moms parents were being over the top about Christmas plans, they ended up canceling everything, and we ended up being able to see MIL on Christmas day after all. The whole time we were down there, I was anxious and uncomfortable. Trying to please everybody at the same time, and it was never enough. Nobody was ever satisfied by the time we could or could not spend with them.

Then, the 27th in the evening we had Christmas with my man's dad. Uncle was there. With this new woman. No heads up, we just walked in, and there she is. No introduction or nothing. Just hey welcome to Christmas dinner, have a seat. Like what? He knew we still spoke with aunt. He knew how heart broken she was. And now flaunting this new girlfriend at us???? I felt completely disrespected. Like he did it to get a rise out of me. Like he did it so that I would tell aunt and put fuel on the fire. He did it to make it hurt for us to tell aunt.

I was so excited to finally go home.

January 4th. One of the worst days of my life. I'm working from home, any normal day. And I get a text message from my best friends son. My best friend has tragically died of a stroke this weekend. I can feel my soul being torn to shreds. I screamed and cried for hours. I was able to calm myself just long enough to send an email to my boss, let him know what happened and i will be signed off for the rest of the day. My mom gave me a call as soon as she found out, one of her friends found out because she used to work with my best friend. She called me, and immediately she knew that I knew. I told her who told me, and I sobbed. She didn't stay on the line for very long. Just told me that if all I'm going to do is sit there and cry, then she's going to go because she had things to do. I wanted to tell her to fuck off right then and there. But I just said k and hung up. I called my man so he knew I wasn't working, that I wasn't okay. He hurried home that afternoon.

January was a rough, rough month. I felt right on the edge of crying every single day. I couldn't make phone calls without bursting into tears. I spent so much time just staring at the wall. I smoked so much weed just so I could get through an hour without crying. My eyes, my nose, my throat, my soul hurt just existing. Weed gave me that temporary relief.

Just when I started pulling myself together, making it through a day without sobbing, my dad texts me. My great aunt has passed away. At this point, I don't feel anything anymore. I don't want to cry, I don't want to feel. I'm just angry all the time. It's either nothing, or angry. There's no in between.

February I start to realize I'm really not okay. And I haven't actually been okay for a while. I haven't done laundry properly since well before Christmas. The apartment is a mess. And more and more often I'm thinking about walking out into the street just to hope someone will run me over. Then maybe someone will notice and understand how very not okay I am. Maybe I'll die? Is that really the worst thing that could happen?

I finally called my doctor when I started having some really physical symptoms. Thinking about my best friend, thinking about aunt and uncle fighting, thinking about MIL, thinking about anything remotely stressful or disappointing would make me shake. Like an uncontrollable shiver starting deep in my chest. Come to find out that's called heart palpitations. I've also been having these attacks, Ill be sitting on the couch, or fucking sleeping, and I'll wake up with a pain in my lower abdomen, super dizzy, nauseous, light headed. I sit in the bathroom and wait to either throw up, or pass out. Neither happen, and after about 20 minutes it subsides, I'm exhausted and I go back to sleep. My heart rate gets so high, so consistently during this time that my fitbit has started recording it as exercise.

I'm scared, obviously, that something might be seriously wrong with me. The nurse that I speak to on the phone doesn't think there's anything to worry about. She says it's just anxiety, she will book me in next week to be put on medication. At this point I'm not entirely convinced it's "just anxiety", so I made an appointment with a counselor. Even if it is "just anxiety" this is far more intense than i have EVER experienced in my life, and I've been diagnosed with anxiety/depression since I was like 13.

My mom doesn't care. I told her what was happening and she just said, I'm sure you're fine. I am super duper absolutely not fine. I haven't thought about dying in YEARS. The last time I thought about it was when I told my parents I was bi and my mom tried to leave. Went upstairs, packed a bag, and walked out the door. My dad chased her down and got her to come back in but like, what the fuck.

I'm almost 1 week on trintellix, I have to get bloodwork done this week to make sure these fun, awesome, never before seen symptoms are in fact just anxiety, and I see the cousellor next week to hopefully figure out what's going on and how to get through this.

I have plans, goals. My man and I are talking about getting married in 2022. Talking about buying a home in 2024. Children? Maybe. But I'd like to be around here to meet them.

So, here I am. I have people who listen, but I feel like I just rant at one friend way too much, and she's sick of me. Another friend that changes the subject when I get sad. Another who has told me she's sick of people venting to her, because she has her own mental health to deal with. And my man doesn't know how to help me. He tries, he really does. But he has bad days too, and I cannot help him while I'm down here. I can't pick him up while I'm still down.

I just need someone to listen. Someone to hear me rant and vent and get things off my chest. Because if I don't, I know I'm going to drown down here.

If you're willing and able to reach out, please do. If not, this will be the blog that I journal in, I guess. Where I write down everything that I want to talk to my best friend about. I know she can't respond, but I'm sure she's up there watching me, and I hope she's reading this to know that I'm trying. I'm getting help. I'm trying to get better, so I can do better.

#help #helpless #mentalwellness #mental heath support #anxitey #depression #depressing shit #im not ok im not ok im not ok #pls help #grief #reaching out #journal #recovery

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cinnamonrollorder · 4 years

Text

Whoops

I DID IT AFTER 9000 YEARS. This is prompt 3 of the set that the lovely @annikatti gifted the world with.

Everyone knew Sonic was tired. It wasn’t a secret, no matter how much the Blue Blur tried to hide it. There was eventually no hiding the super-sized bags under his eyes, or how hard it was to catch his breath after a long run. He usually stood tall and proud, with his signature smile upon his face, so it was hard to not notice how much he slumped, or his smiles were strained. And yet, matter how bad it seemed to get, Sonic never stopped.

Anyone he’d pass by would at least get a greeting, or a half-hearted smile. He was trying so hard to bolster everyone’s spirits, even if the metallic patches of fur that always lingered on his skin nowadays dulled the effect. Sonic would often stop by Cream and Whisper, trying to see if they needed anything. When it was late at night, he’d go around making sure everyone was asleep. Amy eventually just let Sonic do all the night jobs, at the promise that he’d wake someone up if he was going on a run. Sonic never did, but somehow always turned up fine.

Espio should know, since he had been watching the hedgehog. It had been Amy’s request.

“He can’t run off the infection for long. I just worry about him, and I don’t have time to check up on Sonic.”

“You want me to watch him, correct? I can do that.”

“Thank you, Espio.” Amy had looked so tired in that moment; so tired, in fact, Espio had no choice but to set aside his grudge against the blue hedgehog and agree. He was quite aware that Sonic had no way of knowing that letting Eggman go would cause all this, but it didn’t change the fact that Sonic had caused all of this. If Sonic had destroyed Metal, and let Eggman be put away in a monitored location, then no one would be in this mess.

Vector and Charmy wouldn’t be in this mess.

The chameleon shook his head, dispersing those thoughts. There wasn’t any point in dwelling on the “what ifs”. What was happening now was too important.

The “now” was evacuating a sizeable little town that had just gotten hit by the virus. The problem with this town is that it had been adequately defended up until now; there were walls all around the town, along with multiple choke points made with buildings, and freshly dug draining holes that were supposed to limit the spread of the liquid virus. They couldn’t tell how well it worked, since they had to land outside the walls. Eggman and Starline had already flown off, seemingly content on leaving their group to suffer, and probably not wanting to risk getting infected themselves.

Sonic was there, this time, he, Silver, and Tails were supposed to climb over the wall and find a spot for the others to get in. Sonic and Silver would clear the spot out as Tails would go back to report it. On the surface, it was a sound plan. Sonic and Silver were the only ones who could safely hold off zombots, and Tails could easily fly to escape any dangers.

The problem was that Espio had been watching Sonic, so he know exactly what the hedgehog had been doing the last two days.

He’d watched as Sonic stayed up the past two nights doing all the night jobs, having convinced everyone that he was fine and they needed the sleep. Espio himself had to sleep both those nights, since he’d be found out if he just ominously was in dark, shadowy places watching Sonic. Not to mention, Sonic kept periodically checking everyone to make sure they were resting.

So, technically, he hadn’t seen Sonic stay up, but considering the hedgehog’s virus always stayed relatively contained those nights, it was clear Sonic hadn’t let himself rest. Or eat. Eating was another problem entirely.

Espio hadn’t noticed until it became his job to notice, but Sonic didn’t eat. He already had permission to eat at a different time than everyone else (Amy and Tails agreed that it’d be easier to keep Sonic away from the small crowd that always gathered when food was handed out), so it was easy to miss. Sonic just seemed to rarely stop by to get food. Espio remembered one night, where Sonic had stumbled into the storage room, grabbed a hidden half of a ration, and ate it. He realized what Sonic was doing at that point.

Sonic was trying to conserve food. He’d stop by every once in a while, and eat half of what he should. He’d leave the next half for whenever he came by again. That left more food for everyone else.

The problem with that was Sonic’s metabolism was as fast as the blue blur himself was, and that half of a ration was certainly not doing anything but barely keeping him alive. Oh, and the fact that Sonic ran enough miles every day to short-circuit a fitbit.

However, addressing this would reveal Espio had been watching Sonic, and then that would lead to asking why Espio had to watch Sonic, and then that would lead to Sonic being told he was slowly losing his immunity. Which, all things considered, wasn’t the best idea. Despite the fact the hedgehog was the easiest one to blame for everything, he was their one bit of hope. Even if it was running out, Sonic had an immunity to the virus. He was trying to bolster spirits and help as best he could.

Espio couldn’t afford to dim Sonic’s spirit, even just a little.

So, he pulled aside Silver and told him to keep an eye on Sonic.

“Got it! You can count on me!” He said, with a little smile. Espio left it at that, glad Silver didn’t ask why. He was a good kid, but Espio wasn’t sure he was the best at secret-keeping. He’d done what he could, at least.

----

Silver may not always have the best judgement, but he wasn’t an idiot. He know what Espio wanted, and he knew why. He’d have to be stupid not to. Silver wasn’t around the pink hedgehog that often, but he’d noticed last time he was that she kept glancing at Sonic, who’d been on top of a shelf in the corner, watching everyone. He noticed her concern.

Besides, he was worried, too.

He could see it in the way the hedgehog carried himself, and he had a better picture of it by not seeing him every day. One week he didn’t have any bags, the next week he carried the world in them. One day he’s standing up straight, the next time he sees the blue blur he’s hunched over all the time. It was like watching a slideshow progressing towards someone’s death. He hated it.

It was obvious Espio was keeping an eye on Sonic, most likely because of Amy’s orders, and since he couldn’t come with them right now, he’d asked Silver to do it for him. He could do that. He was gonna do it regardless, because Sonic was particularly bad today.

----

Sonic couldn’t remember the definition of self-care. Sleeping, eating, drinking, all of it was foreign. Well, not exactly. He had a bit of stale bread…. A… day ago? He wasn’t sure. He knew he hadn’t slept all week, at least. Maybe it was getting to him.

He felt stiff all morning, and his head was pounding with vigor the rest of him didn’t have. He knew they were nearing a place with people, though, so he did his best to appear awake and alert. He was pretty sure he did a decent enough job at it. No one stopped him, at least.

When he was finally told what his mission was, he couldn’t shake off a feeling of unease. It wasn’t that he thought it would be difficult, it was just some inherent feeling he couldn’t shake off. Silver was certainly capable of taking care of himself, since no Zombot could even get close to him. Tails was smart, and he could literally fly. Sonic himself didn’t have to fear being touched, he just needed to make sure he wasn’t grabbed and pinned. All things considered, he shouldn’t have felt so worried.

Upon later consideration, Sonic believed what should have happened was a future Sonic would suddenly appear, shake him vigorously, and demand to know why Sonic only had one brain cell.

The mission started off well enough. They scaled the wall, got inside, and Sonic hopped from roof to roof trying to find a nice, safe enough spot for everyone else to come in. He realized that the village’s defenses had actually sort of worked. The holes weren’t big enough and numerous enough to hold everything, but it did keep most of the virus from spreading through everything. The funnels between buildings helped keep the hordes at bay, since they were too stupid to wait to go through one at a time, and just amassed a body pile at the entrances. By now, uninfected townspeople were rushing over to the trio. A male goat with a kid in his arms pointed to a specific spot on the wall and yelled, “over there! There’s a mechanism that’ll open it up!” Sonic gave him a quick salute and darted over. One of the bricks was jetting out more than the others, so he pressed it. He was feeling oddly energetic, so he made sure Tails saw the opening in the wall before running for the zombots that were slowly beginning to get close to innocent civilians.

----

Silver made sure Tails got out before turning in the air and going after Sonic. He had only stopped for a second, but that was enough for Silver to realize that Sonic had been shaking. The blue hedgehog didn’t seem to realize it, of course, but he somehow looked like death had a ton of caffeine. Sonic was making a beeline for a few zombots who were trying to grab any nearby people they could. A few solid kicks from him and they were beaten back, so he moved on. Silver watched this as if it were a ping-pong match, just watching as Sonic seemed to bounce between targets.

It was at this point Silver remembered something very important.

The ground was all grass, and it was infected. It was slowly spreading through the town. At this point, everyone who could be infected was safe at the escape area, minus Silver himself. At least for now. Silver started trying to cover up alleys and breaks between houses with anything nonliving he could find. Sonic was watching him, too, and started clearing out areas specifically for Silver to block. They had to fall back a little, since the virus was still trying to spread, and the zombots were zeroing in on them, but it was OK. They were doing fine.

About half of the town had been lost, but the rest were OK. Silver glanced back a few times to see the progress of evacuation. They were almost done, it seemed. Some people hadn’t left, and they were trying to find them and get them out while they still could. They could hold out a little longer, it was OK.

Then it was suddenly very much not OK.

It was like watching dominoes fall, but instead of a gentle little tap knocking them all down, it was like Shadow had come in on his truck and ran over all the dominoes. One of the barriers failed, releasing a bunch of zombots and the liquid virus. When they went over to fix it, another barrier failed. Then another. And many more barriers.

“We can’t hold them! Get out of here!” Silver yelled as loud as he could. He couldn’t check to see if they’d heard him, because a zombot tried jumping up to grab his foot. He barely managed to fly out of reach. Sonic, who was grounded, wasn’t so lucky. A small beetle child had snuck up behind him and latched onto him. Silver used his psychokinesis to wrench the little kid off and throw her back towards the approaching hoard. Taking one look at Sonic was all Silver needed. His chest was heaving, and he was covered in metallic patches. He was still shaking, but this time he actually looked worn out. “Sonic! Run!”

“No way! I’ll be fine if I keep them off me; I’m not leaving you to hold them all off!” Sonic yelled back, delivering a firm punch to a zombot. Not wanting to waste time arguing, Silver accepted this. He kept a close eye on the hedgehog, keeping the zombots from grabbing the blue blur. Sonic, in turn, made sure no zombot had a chance to go after Silver. Suddenly, Silver heard his communicator beep. I forgot I had this. He quickly tapped it.

“Silver, everyone’s out. We have to shut the gates. Can you and Sonic make it out?” It was Amy. He glanced back to find that, yes, everyone was out, and that the virus had almost spread to the exit through the grass. There wasn’t time to go out that way, but they could use the wall.

“Yeah, we’ve got this. Shut the gates, and we’ll get out.” He responded. Another beep and the closing of the gate (or sliding panels in the wall to be more specific) was all Silver needed. “Sonic! We’re clear!” He called to his friend. Sonic, without missing a beat, whirled around and started running away from the zombots. He didn’t have much time. Silver flew low enough to keep a good eye on Sonic.

This is the point where the dominoes actually get run over.

Sonic faltered in his steps, and stumbled clean off the roof he was on. Right below him was a river of the virus. Silver grabbed him with his psychokinesis, only to suddenly realize Sonic wasn’t moving. He’d just… completely shut down. Setting him gently down on the roof, Silver quickly tried to look the hedgehog over. He was injured, but not bleeding. So he’d been right. Sonic had passed out. The hedgehog from the future had about one second to take this in before he was brutally reminded of where he was. The zombots had gotten onto the roof, and they were not happy. Psychically grabbing Sonic and himself, Silver jetted up from where he once was. His head hurt. Sonic was twitching, probably due to being manhandled in the air.

Silver tried to get away, he really did. Just as he geared himself up for a dash out of the area, a rock hit him square in the head. Hard. He and Sonic dropped out of the sky like disappointing pizza dough. Sonic almost slid off the roof, but Silver caught him. It was then Silver realized something very very important for the last time.

His head hurt too much to focus now.

He couldn’t carry himself and Sonic out. He’d have to leave either himself or Sonic behind, which was a no-brainer. He scrambled to his feet, ran forward, and psychokinetically chucked Sonic as far as he could like a football, in his haste missing the fact the hedgehog’s eyes were suddenly wide open. The second he let go of his hold on his inert friend, he tried to lift himself away. It didn’t go nearly as well as Sonic Toss had.

Something grabbed his foot before he was a foot off the ground. Silver turned to see that same gremlin beetle child, latched onto his boot. He quickly tapped his communicator as he teetered on the roof ledge, unbalanced. He sent out one last message before he fell and plunged into the ton of metal virus on the ground.

“Sonic got out.”

-----

Everyone had seen something get thrown out of the village. If they were looking, that is. Espio was looking. Espio saw it. And being a detective, it took him one second to see something blue fly out and realize holy heck that’s Sonic’s body. Espio also correctly deduced that something had gone very, very wrong. He started running towards where Sonic had fallen, but stopped when he saw Amy’s face.

It was like someone had just died. Which, considering the situation, was probably what it was.

“Amy, what-“

“Silver didn’t make it.” She said, then threw her communicator to the ground. Espio wished he had the time to say something to that. He did. But, instead, he just started running towards Sonic’s impact zone. Once again, he was stopped by seeing that telltale blue streak of a supersonic hedgehog running away from him. From everyone. He just turned on his heel and went back to the group, clenching his fists.

He did not just sign up another one of his friends to die. He did not set Silver up to die.

That’s what he told himself, at least.

That’s what he told himself when he saw Amy giving out orders through her tears.

That’s what he told himself when Tails kept telling everyone that Silver probably couldn’t use his psychokinesis anymore, but that they still had to go.

That’s what he told himself when right before they took off Sonic came back with a haunted look in his eye.

I’m so sorry, Silver.

#sonic the hedgehog #silver the hedgehog #amy rose #espio the chameleon #idw sonic #idw fanfic #sonic fanfic #sonic fanfiction #Miles Tails Prower #tails #i'm sorry this is awful

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amanda-teaches · 4 years

Text

The Stockings are Hung...

Summary: Dean, Sam, and Y/N have an annual competition over who can put together the best Christmas stocking. Y/N is the picture of competitive, but she has no idea what Dean has planned this year.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 946

Warnings: Flufffffff, Sappy declarations of love

A/N: This was written from a Christmas request sent last year by @vampiratehuntressthings as well as a request from the very sweet @harleylilo88.

Before the bunker, decorating for Christmas had always been a little hit or miss. If they were spending the holiday at Bobby’s, they could have a tree, but, most years, it had been some random motel room in the middle of nowhere. Suffice it to say, squeezing a 6-foot tall tree into a shoebox of a room wasn’t exactly the easiest. So, one year, Y/N had suggested doing stockings instead of a Christmas tree, and everyone had loved it.

After that, the tradition had kinda just stuck, and, all these years later, the stockings had evolved into an even bigger deal than the presents. Each person was responsible for filling one other person’s stocking, in a Secret Santa type deal, and they could only pick presents that would fit into the stocking.

You were the master, always winning the informal “competition” of who filled the best stocking, and, this year, you had Sam. Between, the first edition paperback and fitbit you’d gotten him, you were pretty sure you had another slam dunk on your hands.

Christmas morning, you jumped out of bed, smacking your boyfriend, Dean’s, ass on the way. “Babe, get up!”

“Five more minutes,” he grumbled, rolling over onto his stomach, his back muscles rippling as he curled deeper into his pillow.

“No, no more minutes,” you laughed, smacking his ass again, a little harder this time. “It’s Christmas morning. Get your butt up, Winchester! It’s stocking time.”

You made sure he had started to stir before you turned and ran down the hallway, passing Sam on the way, his hair still tousled from bed, but a slow, sleepy smile finding its way to his face when he saw your elated rush. “Mornin’, Y/N.”

“Merry Christmas, Sammy!” you yelled, turning so were facing him, practically skipping backwards while you led him toward the library. “I’ve got it in the bag this year, dude.” You grinned, winking at him. “Or should I say stocking.”

He laughed deeply, your excitement chasing the sleep from his eyes. “Oh, I wouldn’t count on that, Y/N/N. This may be the year you get dethroned.”

“Not a chance,” you boasted, breaking into a run the second you crossed the threshold of the library. “Dean!” you shouted, skidding to a stop in front of the makeshift mantle he and Sam had constructed on the side of one of the bookshelves. “Get. In. Here!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” he fussed, shuffling into the room and rubbing his eyes. “Do we have to do this so god forsakenly early?” He threw a good natured wink your way to soften the complaint, showing he was just as ready to do this as you were.

“Shut up, and grab your stocking,” you laughed, already sitting crossed-legged on the floor, holding yours. Sam joined you, holding his, before Dean finally dragged himself over, grabbing his stocking and plopping down onto the floor next to you.

“Okay, Sam, you’re first!” you practically squealed.

“Jeez, Y/N,” Dean chuckled. “You could at least pretend you didn’t do his. It’s supposed to be a Secret Santa.”

“Ssshhhh. Come on, Sam,” you urged.

Sam smiled and glanced at Dean, a long-ago perfected silent communication flowing between them. “Actually, I think you should go first this year, Y/N.”

Dean looked at you and nodded, an eagerness filling his eyes you’d never seen before. “Okay…” you whispered, placing your hand in your stocking. “What’re you two up to?”

“Just open it,” Dean pressed, his smile widening as your hand dug deeper into your stocking. At first, you didn’t feel anything, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “I don’t…”

“Keep going,” Dean coaxed, his voice almost whisper soft and full of anticipation, urging you on. You dropped your hand even lower, finally clasping around something small and square. With a triumphant shout, you pulled it out, sobering up as you realized what you were holding. A ring box.

“Is this?” you questioned, your conclusion confirmed when you looked up to find Dean down on one knee in front of you. You gasped, your whole body constricting in breathless anticipation. “Dean?”

“Y/N, I know how much you love this tradition, so, a few months ago, when I knew I wanted to ask you to marry me, I thought this’d be the perfect time. But, the truth is, any time with you is perfect.” He paused and looked down, shaking his head with a grin. “Damn, was that too cheesy? That felt too cheesy.”

“It was a little cheesy,” Sam laughed.

“No, no!” you disagreed, shaking your head and grabbing one of his hands in yours. “It was beautiful. Keep going.”

He beamed and looked over at you, staring into your eyes like they held the entire world. “Y/N Y/L/N, I love you. You’re my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my family. I can’t imagine my life without you and I never want to have to. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and, for the first time in a long time, I hope it’s a damn long life. Y/N, will you marry me?”

You nodded, tears coming to your eyes as you threw your stocking aside, the competition long since forgotten, and took Dean’s face in your hands. “Yes, Dean. I love you. Of course I’ll marry you.”

As you leaned in and kissed him, a kiss filled with passion, love, and promise, Sam smiled, nodding softly at the scene in front of him. “I guess Dean wins this year,” he chuckled, standing up to offer congratulations to the two people he loved most: his brother and his soon-to-be sister.

Forevers- @hamartiamacguffin @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @katymacsupernatural @impandagrl @cyrilconnelly @impala-dreamer @castielhasthetardis @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes @be-amaziing @jalove-wecallhimdean @there-must-be-a-lock @mysterious-398 @hannahindie @emoryhemsworth @ohmychuckitssamanddean @wi-deangirl77 @carryonmywaywardcaptain @ericaprice2008 @masksandtruths @roxyspearing @squirrel-moose-winchester @sweetpeamoose @babypieandwhiskey @deans-dirty-writer @roxy-davenport @heyitscam99 @starry-chaos @spnbaby-67 @mogaruke @atc74 @dolphincliffs @closetspngirl @maddiepants

Dean Tags- @akshi8278 @whimsicalrobots @dean-winchesters-bacon @adoptdontshoppets @alexwinchester23

#dean x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean fluff #christmas drabble

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bucky-plums · 5 years

Text

Walking on a dream

PAIRING: SEBASTIAN STAN X READER

WORD COUNT: 1062

DESCRIPTION: you and Sebastian meet at the gym and this results in the beginning of a beautiful relationship

WARNINGS: Making out?

A/N: first off, happy birthday Sebastian!!!! second, this was very rushed because I wanted to post something for his birthday!! ignore any typos, I wrote this on my phone please please!!! and Let me know if you like it! p.s- this was inspired by the gym picture Sebastian uploaded

You were sent on a work trip by your law firm to the United States. Being one of the leading global firms, your company picked out the best hotel in town for you. It was a week-long trip and you had no plans on making new friends, let alone a boyfriend.

On the day you landed, you decided to sleep off the jet-lag and not do much, but you woke up in the middle of the night with full energy. You decided to hit the gym so that it would wear you out and you could go back to sleep. You changed to your gymming attire and put away your nightclothes.

You took your phone, a towel, and a water bottle and made your way to the hotel gym. While you were walking your phone buzzed. A notification popped up.

‘Sebastian Stan just posted a photo’ You quickly opened it and saw the picture.

The sight was breathtaking. It was a mirror selfie of Sebastian in a gym. His rock hard abs on full display and a vein popping out of his left arm making it very evident that he had just worked out. While walking, you were ogling at the picture.

You finally shut your phone as you reached the gym. It was empty when you walked in.

You plugged your headphones into your phone and picked a treadmill to run on.

You set your pace and ran on it, unbothered by your sorroundings.

A little while later you stopped to drink water. You got down from the treadmill and picked up your bottle when you saw someone was behind you. His shirtless back was facing you, and you could see his back muscles flex as he ran on the treadmill. You did not have very pg-13 thoughts then.

You cleared your throat and drank some water. Thankful that he was wearing headphones and wouldn’t be able to hear you, you got back to running but couldn’t get the stranger off your mind. Something about him seemed very familiar.

You finally grew tired and you decided to go back to bed. You had been in the gym for an hour and a half and realized that the mystery man was no longer there. You shrugged and made your way to your room.

The next morning you woke up and went to shower. You changed into your work clothes and headed out for your meetings.

At the end of the day, when you returned to your hotel room, you found out that Sebastian Stan was in the same city as you. The chances of him staying in the same hotel as you were slim but nonetheless, still there.

Fangirling to yourself, you decided to explore the city in hopes that you would bump into him somehow. You didn’t want to stalk him and invade his privacy. Atlanta was beautiful at night. You took a stroll along the streets and got some waffles to eat. Overall it was a very calming walk.

Disappointed that you didn’t accidentally bump into Sebastian, you went back to your room.

You were about to fall asleep when your trainer called.

“Hey (Y/N) your workout for the day is ready. Get your ass up and go to the gym”

“Hello to you too Danielle. And no, I worked out last night I’m not going to the gym today”

“(Y/N) get your ass up or I will make you do double sets when you come back”

“Stop threatening me this is abuse”

“Love you too. I’m going to WhatsApp you the workout. You better do it.”

“How will you know if I haven’t done it?”

“Girl I keep a track of your heart rate through your Fitbit”

“Screw you” You heard your friend laugh and you hung up on her.

You decided that you would go at midnight when the gym would be empty and decided to take a nap.

You woke up a couple of hours later and changed your clothes into gymming attire and ran down. A sudden burst of energy shot through your veins as you went down the lift.

You walked to the gym and saw that it was empty.

The first task on the agenda was 10 mins of cardio at 7 speed. You cursed under your breath because it was like running a marathon.

You got on the treadmill and began to run. You wore your headphones making you completely oblivious to your surroundings.

10 minutes later you got down and checked the next exercise. Slowly, you made your way through the list and soon you received a thumbs-up emoji from your trainer.

That was your signal to leave.

You shut the treadmill machine and stepped away from it. The same man from last night was present there. Except for this time, he was fully clothed. You saw him stop his machine and you quickly turned around and began to walk towards the water dispenser. You drank some water and threw the cup.

You went to pick up your phone from the treadmill when you caught the mystery man’s face. It was none other than Sebastian Stan. You tried not to react but, judging by the smirk on his face you knew that he found out. You politely smiled at him, not wanting to interrupt his workout and decided to leave.

“Hey wait” You looked back at him with a confused look on your face

“You left your headphones”

“Oh, thank you” You reached out your hands to take it from his

“You’re welcome” He lightly smiled at you

“I’m Sebastian, but I think you already know that so its only fair if I know your name”

“I’m (Y/N) and I’m sorry if I disturbed you”

“You did not (Y/N), in fact, I was just about to go back to my room” You nodded towards him

“Why do you work out in the middle of the night?”

“Well yesterday I couldn’t fall asleep and today my trainer basically threatened me” You chuckled “How about you?”

“Same, not able to fall asleep” suddenly the room was filled with tension. Anyone who entered the room would be able to guess what was going to happen. But not (Y/N).

Sebastian grabbed your hand and pulled you towards his chest.

“I saw you looking at me yesterday doll” You gasped as he stared into your eyes.

Not being able to predict what he was about to do next, you stayed there.

“As much as I want to kiss you right now, I would like to take you on a date first. So (Y/N), will you go on a date with me”

“Yes. I will.”

Sebastian let go of you. Flustered and not able to think straight, you grabbed him by his shirt and planted your lips on his.

His arms wrapped around your waist and yours were placed on his chest. You both pulled away panting.

You grabbed him again and fiercely kissed him.

“Doll, I think you should stop if you don’t want this go too far” he whispered against your lips

“Maybe I want this to go far”

“Your wish is my command. Your room or mine?”

“Yours”

With that, you woke up the next morning, naked under the sheets next to Sebastian Stan.

His arms were around you and legs tangled together.

You wondered if this was just a one night stand or would it go further. Lost in your thoughts, you did not realize that the sex-god had woken up.

“Good morning doll” His hoarse voice sounded insanely sexy in the morning and the little nickname gave you butterflies.

“Good morning Sebastian” you looked at him and drank in his appearance.

Everything about him was beautiful. His hair was messy due to last night’s events and there were red marks over his neck and collar.

“What are you looking at?” he asked with a smile on his face. You shook your head and cuddled into him.

‘“We’re still on for that date right? I was not joking when I told you that I want to get to know you”

“Yes Seb, were still on for that date. However, I should go now, I have meetings to go to”

“5 more minutes” and he hid his head in your neck. You could get used to this. You wanted to, but you had to wait.

“Ok 5 minutes are up, I have to go or I’ll get fired” he sighed and kissed your lips. You didn't want to let him go, but duty calls.

“Come to my room at 8 today. My room number is 786”

“Okay doll. See you” he smirked as you got dressed and ran to your room.

Your whole day was amazing and the date was even better. You both managed to stay without tearing each other's clothes for some time.

You were lying down next to Sebastian and he was mindlessly playing with your hands

“What will happen to us when the week is done Seb?”

“When the week is done, you will go back home and I will too. But we will make it work (Y/N), I really like you and I want to see where this goes”

And he was not wrong for taking the chance. Because right now both of you were sitting next to each other, him wearing a blue tux matching with his eyes and you wearing the most gorgeous white wedding dress as your best friend narrated this story.

“So Mrs.Stan, ready to recreate our first night together?” Sebastian whispered which sent a shiver down your spine.

“Can’t wait, it is like I’m walking on a dream”

#Sebastian Stan #sebastian #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagines #bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky #Winter Soldier #mad hatter #lance tucker

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ohh-baekhyun · 6 years

Text

Hot Deal, 2 [M]

[M] : dirty-talk, rough(ish) sex, cock riding.

Sorry it got deleted.

I’d taken the taxi home all by myself. For whatever reason Baekhyun couldn’t leave, I didn’t care anymore. All I wanted was to get the hell out of that place. I couldn’t remember ever feeling so upset in my life, and hurt. Who did that to a friend? After witnessing her mother’s awful treatment towards me, the least he could do was be there for me, to console me, or anything? Yet he didn’t and to be honest, that made me question our friendship. You mean something to me, my ass. If he truly cared about me, he’d have my back.

When I got home, the house was empty. My cousin must be staying over at her boyfriend’s since it was a Saturday. Relief whooshed over me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved her, she was like a sister to me. But she was noisy and noise was the last thing I needed now. At the moment, I needed peace. I needed distraction to cool myself off. So I changed into a comfortable clothing and busied myself with the laundry. Doing house chores helped taking my mind off things. Bad things. Even if it’s only momentary.

By the time I was done, it was half past six. I went into my room, about to hop into the shower when my phone vibrated across my bed. Something told me that was Baekhyun, and I was right. When I checked my phone, there were numerous miscalls and messages from him.

“Where are you?” Followed by, “Answer your phone.” Then, “Are you home?” And lastly. “I’m heading to your place now.”

My eyes blinked repeatedly upon reading the last message. Checking the time, I realised the message was received thirty minutes ago, meaning Baekhyun was reaching anytime soon. Shit. What do I do?

Before I could get over my panic, my phone vibrated in my hand and his name flashed up. I answered, pulling the phone up to my ear without saying a word.

“Hey,“ his voice slid into my ear. “I’m at your door, would you let me in?”

“You can leave, Baekhyun, I’m calling the deal off.”

“Not before you let me explain,” he hurried to say. “I know you are upset, that’s why you need hear me out sweetheart, please.”

“Not now, I’m not in the mood to see you.”

“I’ll wait.”

“You—*BEEP*“

The line was interrupted before I could tell him not to wait. I tried returning the call, but it didn’t go through and I couldn’t be bothered anymore. So I hopped into the shower, assuming Baekhyun would leave after he got tired of waiting.

The next morning, I woke up feeling less upset than I was when I went to bed last night. It was too early to give Baekhyun a call, so I laid in bed debating if I should head out for a run. Normally I don’t, since it was a Sunday. But remembering the ice-cream and cookies I’d feasted on last night, it was only wise to burn off those intake. Sadly, not everyone was blessed with wonder metabolisms. Me included. Hell, I can just think about food and gain pounds.

It took a lot of will power to drag myself off bed and into the bathroom for a quick shower. But I did it anyway. Once I was dressed in my spandex shorts and sports bra, I head to the kitchen to get a glass of water before making my way to the front door.

For some reason, I felt a niggle of unease as I sat down to put on my running shoes. I can’t tell you why, until I pulled the door open and see it with my own eyes.

“Oh my god.” My lips parted in a silent gasp. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Or rather. Whom.

Sitting on the bench at my porch was Baekhyun, still wearing the suit he wore yesterday. Had he waited here all night?

Guilt flooded me and my legs took me to him. Gently, I shook his shoulder to wake him up.

It wasn’t long until his eyes started fluttering and his consciousness returned. He brought his palm over his mouth as he yawned, then he glanced up at me.

I stared back at him, not knowing what to say.

“What time is it?” he asked, glancing from left to right, then at me.

Checking my fitbit, I realized he’d waited her for nearly fifteen hours. “It’s ten thirty.”

Baekhyun rose to his feet and rolled his shoulder up and back. “I must’ve fallen asleep while waiting.”

I felt so bad I grimaced. “I-I’m so sorry. I tried to call but-“

“My battery ran out and,” he pointed at something behind me and I turned to look at it. “You need to fix your bell, shortcake.”

My gaze drifted back to meet his eyes, guilt making my cheek flush. “I’m really sorry. I thought you’d leave eventually, I had no idea you’d wait here all night. If I knew I would’ve-“

“Hey.” he took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “It’s alright. I was more worried about you. Are you okay?”

I frowned. “Of course I am.” I told him obviously. “Why wouldn’t I be? I wasn’t the one who spent the night sleeping rough.”

“I was talking about the gala, sweetheart.” He clarified.

Oh, that…

“I’m here to apologize for what my mother said to you.” He looked into my eyes with a remorse so deep I can tell how very sorry he was. “She was rude, and if I knew how goddamn low she’d sink yesterday, I would’ve never put you in that situation. I would never hurt you like that.”

“Baekhyun.” I sighed. “I wasn’t hurt because your mother was mean to me. I was hurt because you didn’t have my back. Why couldn’t you leave?”

“Because I had to give a closing speech at the end of the event.” He replied.

I looked at him, confused. “Isn’t the host supposed to be the one giving the speech?”

“Actually, my parents hosted the gala.” He confessed.

My eyes widened. “Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

He blew out a sigh, like he was reluctant to explain , but he knew he needed to.

“The event is hosted in honour of my late grandfather. Ten years ago, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer and he passed away three years after his diagnosis. Since then, our family would organise a charity gala every year to raise fund finding a cure. If this was any other event, I swore I would’ve left with you. I’m sorry.”

Guilt and regret welled inside me. I suddenly felt like a jerk for making him wait, even though it wasn’t intentional. What do I do to make it up to him?

“I’m so sorry about your grandfather.” I muttered quietly. “You’ve never talked about him before.”

He shrugged. “I don’t really like to talk about my dead grandfather.”

“Were you close to him?”

“He used to be the one taking care of me when my parents were busy working.” He smiled sadly. “The man practically raised me.”

My heart ached for him, never had I ever seen him looking so sad before. I’d like to know more, but I know now isn’t the right time.

“Are you okay?” I asked, my hand travelling up to brush my knuckles over his cheek.

He placed his hand over mine and locked me in his gaze. “Are you okay?”

I nodded. “I am.”

For the first time since he got here, his expression eased and he smiled. “Then I’m okay.”

As a form of apology, I’d invited Baekhyun in and offered to fix him lunch. With me still carrying a heavy burden of guilt, I was trying to make it up to him by making him his favourite dish. Cooking wasn’t my forte, but I do know how to prepare simple dishes. This however, was my first attempt making a Pie. I had to give my mom a call so she could walk me through the steps. She did, and it wasn’t easy. I just hoped it’d turn out well and Baekhyun would like it.

While waiting for the food to be ready, Baekhyun went to my porch to fix the bell. I told him he didn’t have to but he insisted. You know how difficult it is to say no to the man, so I let him.

Less than half an hour later, the food was almost ready. I just had to wait for the pie to bake. Which would take another fifteen minutes.

I squatted right in front of the oven and stared through the glass. It was only a few seconds later that the bell rang, indicating it was fixed. Smiling, I brought my head towards the end of the hallway and waited for Baekhyun to appear.

“It’s fixed.” He announced as his figure came into sight. When he found me squatting, he looked puzzled. “What are you doing?”

I pointed at the oven. “Watching the pie bakes.”

Baekhyun smiled at me like he thought I was cute. “What for?” He asked, sauntering towards me.

I gave a non-committal shrug. “It’s just a habit.”

“Silly girl.” He ruffled my hair as he moved past behind me. My eyes followed where he went and he stopped at the fridge. I watched as he stared at the inside for a long long time. Curious, I got up to my feet and made my way to him.

I stood behind him. But his broad figure was covering the entire fridge, I couldn’t see. I had to stand on my tiptoes to peer over his shoulder. “What are you looking for?” I asked, holding onto his arm for balance.

He turned his head to the side, facing me. “Is there anything to drink?”

I take a look at the inside of the fridge. “There’s orange juice.” I said, my index finger pointing at the container.

“They’r not organic.” He remarked, making me roll my eyes at him. He caught me and his brows furrowed. “What?”

If I wasn’t feeling so guilty, I’d told him how high maintenance he was.

“I can squeeze you some if you want to?” I offered instead. “It’s not organic, but at least it’s natural.”

He stared at me, amusement and confusion intermingled in his eyes. “What kind of juice are you talking about, babe?”

“Orange juice.” I said. “Isn’t that what you want?”

The corner of his lips tilted up slowly. But when I raised my eyebrows, he shook his head as if shaking away thoughts. “Orange juice is great.”

I decided not to read too much into his reaction and scurried my way towards the dining table. I returned to the kitchen with four oranges I retrieved from the fruit bowl.

Baekhyun looked between me and the fruits in my hand. “How do you juice them?”

I gaped at him, surprised. “You’ve never juiced an orange before?”

His cheek flushed a little, and I thought it was adorable. “I don’t have the time.”

“So you have Mrs Kim made it for you?” I asked. Mrs Kim was a housekeeper who worked for Baekhyun.

“Yeah.”

I grinned teasingly. “You do have everything served to you on a silver platter, don’t you?”

For some reason, Baekhyun took my teasing question more seriously that I intended it to be. “Do you think I’m just a rich asshole?”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “You know for a man your age, you sure are very sensitive.” His jaw clenched and I grinned harder. “It’s adorable though,” I mused. “I like it .”

Baekhyun made a face at my remarks, like he was disgusted. “Never say that to me again.”

I chuckled and set the oranges down on the counter top. As I head for the sink, I stopped by him and told him he was cute just to tease him. He hissed in annoyance, and I walked away giggling.

The kitchen appliance were stored in the open cabinets above the sink. My eyes swept over the top cabinet, and I found the citrus presser sitting behind a coffee machine. Standing on my tiptoes, I stretched an arm up to reach for it but I couldn’t.

“Move over.”

Baekhyun’s voice slid into my ear and a smack landed on my ass. I gasped, snapping my head around to find him behind me. Blood rushed to my cheek and I gulped nervously while staring at him. What was that spanking for?

“I said move over.”

Shaking my thoughts away, I stepped aside to offer him space. I watched him so easily retrieved the presser from the top cabinet before handing it to me. “Thanks.” I mumbled, taking it from him.

“Where is the plug?” He asked.

“Oh, it’s a manual juicer.” I said, heading back to the counter now.

Baekhyun stood by my side and watched closely as I split the oranges into half. “Careful with the knife.” He reminded softly.

I hummed. “You can take a seat first.” I suggested distractedly.

“It’s okay.” He said, keeping his eyes on me like a hawk. Its like he was worried I’d get hurt if he took his eyes off me just for a second.

Once I was done, I set the knife down and looked at him. “Do you want to try?” I asked, passing him a sliced orange.

He nodded and moved to hover closely behind me. I sucked in a breath at the feel of his chest pressing against my back. We were close my heart rate was skyrocketing. But Baekhyun didn’t seem to be bothered by it.

“Do I put it here?” He asked, setting the sliced orange on the tip of the juicer.

“Yeah, now you just have to squeeze and rotate it like this.” I rest my palm on his hand to demonstrate it to him. “It’s very simple.

“That’s easy.”

For the next couple of minutes, I stood quietly and waited for Baekhyun to finish. He was so immersed he hadn’t mutter a word ever since.

I tilted my head back and smiled as I stared at him. He looked completely focused as if he was running the most important mission in his life. I found it fascinating, to think that a rich businessman like him would find enjoyment doing things that were considered mundane for an average person like me. We were really two worlds apart.

“Is is that fun?” I asked.

Baekhyun hummed without looking at me and the silence returned.

“I like drinking juice too.” I said for the sake of saying. I just wanted to talk. “My favourite is banana juice.”

Suddenly, his hand stopped moving and he coughed repeatedly.

I was worried, so I turned around to check if he was okay. But his lips was pressed together like he was holding back a laughter. “What’s so funny?” I asked.

“Nothing.” He shook his head. My eyes narrowed at him because I knew it wasn’t nothing and he sighed. “It’s nothing, shortcake. Banana juice is great. I bet it tasted so fucking good when you suck it.”

“Yeah.” I nodded eagerly. “I really love it. You should try it sometime.”

Humour danced in his eyes and his lips twitched. “Sure, babe.”

I still don’t understand what was so funny, but whatever.

“What about you?” I asked, continuing the conversation. “What do you like most?”

His lips curled up slightly and he lowered his head so he was whispering into my ear. “The kind that tasted sweet and warm on my tongue when I lick it.”

A warm juice? I’d never heard of it. “What kind of juice is that?” I asked curiously.

Baekhyun gave me a look and there was something wicked in his eyes. I knew he always had that look when he thought about something dirty. But thinking back to what I said, and what he said, I didn’t hear anything inappropriate- Wait!

I mentally replayed the things Baekhyun said to me, and my eyes grew wide upon realising how very dirty they actually were. Sweet and warm on my tongue? The bastard was talking about—God, it was embarrassing.

“Babe,” Baekhyun grinned down at me, and my cheek turned the brightest shade of red. “Do you still want me to tell you about it?”

I hurried to shake my head. It was so vigorous his face softened at my panic.

He smiled and reached out to brushed my hair away from my face. His small touch chase a delicious shiver over my skin. Gently, he smoothed his hand down the length of my hair ’til it rest on the hollow of my neck.

We stood there staring into each others eyes. The air was suddenly charged with thick tension. Nervously, I licked my lips, and his gaze dropped to my mouth.

“I want to kiss you so bad.” He murmured, his eyes slowly drifting from my lips to my eyes.

My heart rate took off, and if it wasn’t for the fact that he was my best friend, I’d be the first to kiss him already. I knew we had an unfinished deal, but after all the mess that had happened, is it a good idea to keep up with our arrangement? Moreover, I was still feeling guilty for making him sleeping at my porch. Using him for my pleasure felt so wrong.

His eyes roamed my face. And as if he could read my mind, his feature grew tight. “Don’t…don’t ruin this.”

“I don’t think we should be doing this.” I let out a defeated breath. “We’ve called off the deal.”

“Screw the deal,” his whisper was harsh, almost like he was frustrated. “You and I both know there’s something between us here. It’s driving me crazy having to fight the need to touch you every time you’re near. Do you think its easy for me?”

“I know.” I gaze into his eyes, my hand moving up to cup his face. “I’ve always wanted this too, but…”

“But what?” He cut me impatiently. “Are you still mad at me about yesterday? Or Is this about my mother?”

“I’m not mad at you, Baekhyun.” I assured him. “This is about me feeling guilty for making you sleep outside last night, and using you for sex will make me feel worse.”

“Babe.” His eyes warmed at me. “You know it’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known.”

“But…” I stared up at him, uncertain. “I still feel bad about it.”

He pondered about it for a moment, then he said. “Since you feel so sorry, why don’t you think of the sex as a way to make it up to me?”

My brows drawn together at his suggestion. “Are saying you want a guilt sex?”

“A what?”

“A guilt sex.” I repeated. “You know…having sex with someone as a form of apology. Thats guilt sex.”

Baekhyun seemed to process it for a second, then his eyes narrowed at me. “Did you just made that up?”

I grinned cheekily. “Yeah.”

He rolled his eyes. “Anyway, its not considered a guilt sex if you and I both want it.”

“What if I don’t want it?”

Baekhyun scoffed like he knew that was pure bullshit. Well, he wasn’t wrong but God, I’ve never met such an over-confident person in my life.

“So?” He prompted impatiently. “Are we good to go now?”

“What about the food?” I said with my bottom lips jutting forward. “I made them just for you.”

His hand slid around my waist, and he pulled me into him. “The food will still be here after I make you come.” He said, kissing my pouty lips.

“But you skipped your dinner last night, aren’t you hungry?”

Our gaze clung and he glided his tongue over his lower lips. “I’m hungry for something else.”

He smoothed his gaze down the length of my body, drinking me in so hungrily like I was his last meal.

My heart pounded so hard like a hammer hitting down on a nail. When his hot gaze travelled up to meet mine, I nearly squirmed. The oxygen seemed so thin and the only sound you can hear was our shallow breaths. My need for him could no longer be contained. In that moment, I wanted him more than I wanted anything in this world.

“Baekhyun.” I breathed, my lips trembling as I smoothed my palm over his chest. “kiss me.”

That was all he needed to hear before our bodies collided and he slammed his mouth against mine. The kiss was nothing sweet. He started with nibbling on my lower lips, but as soon as I moaned into his mouth, it descended to the dirtiest kiss I’d ever had. His hand fisted the strands of my long hair as he sank his teeth down on my bottom lips. And as I whimpered, he thrusted his tongue roughly into my wet cavern, sucking on my tongue to further deepen our kiss. My legs turned jelly and I dug my fingers onto his bicep as he continued to violate my mouth with his tongue.

He groaned into my mouth, his hands sliding all the way down to my ass. His hand went underneath my shirt and fondled my butt cheeks, making me purr at the sensation. The sound made Baekhyun gripped my ass harder and I felt his thick erection grinding against me. He drew back to stare at me with those lust filled eyes, we were both panting.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” He whispered harshly over my mouth.

I nodded and he smirked. His two hands move under my thighs, and in one swift motion he carried me up. I hooked my arms and legs around him in reflex. His hands stayed on my ass while he took me to the nearest couch, setting my butt down on top of the backrest.

Baekhyun untangled my hands around his neck and started undressing me. Raising my arms, I let him pulled my shirt over my head, leaving me with nothing but my underwear. Then his hand went around me to unhook my bra. He did it so skilfully, he must’ve done it countless time. Next thing he divested me of was my panties, and once he slid them down my legs, I was completely naked before him.

“God,” He breathed sharply, eyes gliding down my naked body. “look at you.”

Since I was the only one shirtless here, I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious, and somewhat vulnerable. I wasn’t usually like this. Subconsciously, I crossed my arm over my chest and rubbed my palm on my opposite arm.

Seeing that, Baekhyun glanced up. And as he found me blushing, his eyes softened. “Am I making you shy?”

“A little bit.” I mumbled, biting my lip.

“Don’t be.” He cooed, tugging my wrist to gently peel my arm away from my chest. “You have no idea how beautiful you are.”

His compliment, and the heated way he was was staring at me made me grow wetter in between my legs. As my need for him intensified, I cupped his face in my hands and pulled his lips to me in a deep kiss.

He groaned, cupping my breast in his hand, making me whimper as he pinched my hardened nipple. The more he toyed with my breast, the needier I became.

“Baekhyun,” I whispered breathlessly. “I want you inside me, now.”

He tore his lips from mine, drawing back to look me in the eyes. “My fingers, my mouth or my—“

“Your cock, I want your cock.” I begged, my fingers fumbling on the zip of his pants. “Baekhyun please.”

A dark chuckle left his lips. “Needy little slut.” He locked me in his gaze as he pushed two fingers inside me to test my readiness. What he found made him growl in satisfaction, and his eyes darkened with lust. “You’re so wet.” He rasped, curling his fingers inside me, making me whimper before pulling out completely. “I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll never forget how my cock feels like inside you.”

After that, everything else happened in a blink of an eye. The next thing I felt was burning pain as he slammed his cock deep inside me. We cried out at the same time and my vision went dark for a second. He was so thick, bigger than I expected. I’d never feel so full, so overwhelmingly filled.

Baekhyun shut his eyes as if savouring the pleasure. “God, your pussy feels so tight so good—gahh fuck!” he hissed through clenched teeth as my wall unconsciously squeezed around him. The vein around his neck becoming more visible now. But when he opened his eyes, something he saw caused him to tense. I didn’t know what it was, until his fingers wiped away a drop of tear I didn’t realise I’d shed.

“Baby, am I hurting you?” He asked, his voice thick with concern.

It did hurt, a little, because I wasn’t used to his size. But if I told him about it, will he stop altogether? I don’t want him to stop.

“I’m okay,” I assured. “Keep going, please…”

“Are you sure?” He looked unconvinced. “I can go slow.”

“No, don’t go slow, You promised me hard. I want it hard.” I begged, not even ashamed of how desperate I sounded.

I don’t want it slow or gentle. If this was the only shot we had, I wanted him to give his all. I wanted him to lose control. Take me however he wanted to take me. Fuck me like he can’t live another second in this world if he didn’t.

At the sound of my plea, he sucked in a deep breath and his brown eyes grew dark. He threaded his fingers through my hair, the other resting on the curve of my waist. I hold my breath, my heart pounding with nervous anticipation.

“Is this what you want,” He said, sliding his cock almost all the way out of me. “You want me to fuck your tight little pussy like this?” he grunts before slamming all the way into me.

“G-gahh.” my head flew back, and his own bent forward, dropping to my shoulder as he growled. He then circled his hips against me, making my body shudder at the overwhelming sensation of his cock stretching tight wall.

“Do I make you feel good, baby?” He whispered, his heavy breaths puffing against my skin.

“Y-yes, I want more—ahh.” my fingers dug into his shoulder as he pounded deep into me again. He lifted his head, his fierce gaze delved deep into me. Then his finger fisted on my hair, and he fucked me. There was no better way to describe it. It was hard, deep, pure need.

I could hear the wet sound of my juices as he pounded his cock in and out of me. I was a moaning mess, he was too. It wasn’t long until I felt the tension inside me spiralling higher and higher toward the cliff.

“Baekhyun, I-I’m gonna cum,” I moaned as he kept thrusting into me, never once slowing his tempo.

“Me too,” he dropped his head to my shoulder, biting down on my skin as he groaned. He continued pounding into me, faster and deeper. I could feel his cock swelling inside me, but all of a sudden his whole body froze. “Fuck, no condom.”

He was going to pull out but I hurried to hook my legs around his hips, pulling him deeper into me. “I’m on the pill,” my hands slid around his neck, bringing his lips close to mine. “come inside me, please.”

With that, Baekhyun picked up where he left off. His eyes never once leaving me as he pushed in and out of me. I felt it coming again—my orgasm.

“Keep going, please don’t stop.” I was close to crying as I begged.

Keeping our eyes locked, Baekhyun slid a hand between my legs, then he started rubbing my clit harshly. “I’ll make you come so hard, baby.”

“Oh God.” I panted, feeling my walls quivering around his cock. “that feels so good, Baekhyun, I-I’m gonna—“

“Come.” he ordered with his thumb pressing against my clit. “Come around my cock, baby.”

On that cue, the tension split apart and I cried out in pleasure as my sex contracted around his cock. My body was shaking and I gripped onto his arm as he continued fucking me through my orgasm. I can’t hardly kept my eyes open anymore. It took barely anytime until I felt him swelling even thicker inside me.

“Fuck, fuck, fuuuck!” His long, guttural groan echoed around the room as his climax hit him. His hips bucked against me, and I felt his warm release shooting inside me. “Shit.” he panted, burying his face on the crook of my neck. His cock continued to throb inside me as my inner wall clamped around him.

We were quiet, both trying to catch our breath. Once our breathing were calmed, he kissed my shoulder before lifting my limp body off the backrest. I clung onto him, burrowing my face in the crook of his neck.

“I’m not quite done with you yet.” He said as he rounded the couch.

“I don’t think I can take it anym—ahh!”

“Oh fuck!”

We cried out the moment his ass landed on the couch. I felt him so deep inside me, the pleasure was too overwhelming. He then unhook my legs around him, and I let my knees bent on each side of his thighs as I straddled his lap.

“Ride me.” he ordered, leaning back and resting his hand on my hips.

I bit my lip, hesitating. I’d never done it, nor seen it before. After all, I’d only ever be with one man.

Baekhyun sensed my uncertainty and took control. Gripping my hips, he elevated my ass off his lap, letting a fraction of his thick length slid out of me. “This is how your ride a cock, babe.” he said before pushing me all the way down.

“Ahh!” I cried as the tip of his cock hit me in my sweet spot. “I-It’s so deep, Baekhyun, ahh.”

His eyes smoldered and he repeated the movement over and over again. Very soon, I felt the tension coiling inside me, telling me my second orgasm is nearing.

“Do you have any idea how sexy you look right now?” He mused, staring hungrily at my breasts as they bounced with each motion.

I could only moan. All my focus was on the sensation of his thickness burying deep inside me. My inner thighs was getting slick from the juices and cum that were leaking out of my pussy.

“I’ve always fantasized about you riding my cock like this.” He said, taking my nipple in his hot mouth. His tongue flicked over my bud, and my back arched at the pleasure he was granting me. He lavished equal attention to my other breast, and once he was satisfied, his hands left my hips to cup my face. “Keep riding me, baby.” he encouraged before kissing my lips.

I circled my hands around his neck and returned the kiss. This time, without the guidance of his hands, I lifted my hips further up and slammed it down as hard as I could.

“Aah fuuck!” his long and throaty moan told me he loved what I was doing. So I did it again, circling my hips and bouncing up and down on his cock. The living hall was filled with the sound of our cries, our skin slapping together and the slick sound of our cum.

“Baekhyun, a-are you close?” I asked breathlessly, bobbing my hips with his cock inside me.

He gave a jerky nod, and not long after that, his cock throbbed and a harsh growl tore out of him.

I cried as the tension within me broke apart. My inner walls clamped around his straining manhood and we shuddered together in climax. I collapsed against him, hugging him tight as I struggled to control my breathing. His chest heaved, and I felt his palm rubbing along my back as if soothing me.

As our breathing evened out, I lifted my head so we were eye to eye. Literally. We shared a look, and understanding passed. None of us said a word but I knew we were sharing the same thoughts. Is this it? Is this the end? What happens next?

Ever so gently, he brushed my hair away from my face, one strand at a time. I blushed and his expression turned tender. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you like me?”

His question startled me, and something told me he didn’t mean it in a platonic way. “As a friend, or?”

“As a man.” He said. “Do you see me as someone you could potentially grow feelings for?”

Woah, what’s happening here?

I don’t know where this conversation was leading to, but my heart was racing, and my throat felt like it was closing. So I could only give a nod.

Baekhyun hummed and afterwards, I was gifted with the longest pause ever.

Growing impatient, I cleared my throat softly. “What about you? Do you like me?”

“I do.” He said without hesitation. I sighed in relief and he carried on. “I think we should explore what’s between us…Go out on dates and get to know more about each other, like a real couple.”

Butterflies thumps in my stomach. “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”

He nodded. “Would you like to?”

A/N: Yay, I finally completed this story, took me more than a month to finish this chapter :,) Thank you everyone for reading :,) And hmm, idk how to say this, I know I’m just a minor writer on this site and its not in my place to demand for comment/feedback, but i’ve put in lots of effort writing and it’d be rewarding to know if it paid off. Thus said, if you truly enjoyed this chapter, do let me know about it 💕Thank youu!

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