#i don't know if i've ever been this excited for a movie that didn't horribly disappoint me
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Just Take It | Jeon Jungkook | Part Five
Summary: You start a conversation with Jungkook about where you stand but are interrupted by an uninvited visitor
Pairing: Inexperienced f!reader x Best Friend's Dad Jungkook (20 year age gap)
Word Count: 4.7K~
Warnings: Suggestive and explicit language (an argument). Nothing too crazy honestly. Horribly edited too because it's been three weeks and I wanted to get it out!
a/n: Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out but I was away from home for a week and then wrote a couple of one shots and blah blah blah lol but anyways I hope you enjoyyyy
Requested by: @kkusadmirer 💜
After our eventful afternoon Jungkook and I ended up laying in his bed and watching movies since like he said, he wanted me to be "well rested" before we have the talk. The talk that could change everything between us...
There are multiple outcomes to this scenario and I'm not sure if I'm ready for any of them.
On one hand he could say this was all a mistake and he was just acting on his urges. I know now for damn sure though that he's attracted to me but I don't know what his motives and feeling are towards me. If he even has any besides surface level physical attraction.
On the other hand he could want to pursue a friends with benefits sort of arrangement. Being fuck buddies or whatever with an older man does sound exciting when I think about doing it with him. It's just that don't know if I'd want something like that even if it was with him.
I told Jared before that I wanted to save myself for marriage and I feel like that's something I still want to stick to. I've definitely crossed so many lines with Jungkook in the last not even twenty four hours, more like twelve hours or something like that but regardless lines have been crossed and I'm still not sure how I feel about any of it.
I want to say that I don't regret it and it's not just because it felt fucking phenomenal and out of this world but because I feel safe with him.
It might just be because over the past couple of months that I've been living with him he's become someone I care about and honestly trust with my life so I didn't really feel a need to say no to him. I wanted it to happen, I know I did I just didn't really think it would ever happen. I thought that it would stay in my hormonal fantasies forever and I was okay with that.
The way he's been treating me has shown me that he cares about me. Although I was trying to convince myself that it was somewhat of a paternal instinct in him and that he was just being protective over me, I knew that it was something beyond that.
I tried to somewhat address it in a weird sort of way with the whole asking why he didn't have anyone over conversation and he knew what I was trying to ask and addressed it but his answer me even more confused.
"I wouldn't want to ruin what we have going on here" like what does that even mean? He doesn't want to ruin the dynamic we have in the house in terms of we're comfortable with each other and feel no need to let anyone inside our little safe space.
Or did he mean that he didn't want to ruin what we have going on here because he wanted to see where things went with us on a more romantic level?
He hasn't explicitly told me that he would want to pursue a relationship with me but circling back to before he's given me clear signs that he's attracted to me and isn't one to hide it.
He knows to a certain extent that I find him attractive too because I asked him to take my virginity. (I'm never gonna be able to live that one down) Anyone could tell that he was clearly struggling to hold himself back and the fact that he kissed me just shows that he wanted to. That he wanted me.
Then there's another possibility that he might want a sugar baby sort of relationship and I don't even want to think about something like that.
Don't get me wrong! I respect the hustle, but that's just not for me.
If I'm gonna be doing something like what we are doing right now then I want it to be something that I want to do without any ulterior motive. I don't want to put a monetary value on the time I spend with him but not gonna lie, living it large and not having to worry about money or working sounds very tempting.
I don't think he's that kind of man though...or at least I hope he's not.
"Penny for your thoughts?" he asks playfully, having noticed that I haven't really been paying attention to the movie we've been watching.
"Just thinking" I answer, cuddling in closer to him as I've refused to let go of him today and he hasn't made moves to do any different.
"Bout what?" he prods further, placing a kiss on the top of my head and taking in the fresh scent of his shampoo in my hair.
"Things" I continue, liking the game we've started to play.
"What sort of things?" he chuckles, telling me that he's enjoying it too.
"All kinds of things" I say nuzzling closer into him and he wraps his arm tighter around me to keep me there.
"Wanna share a few?" he asks, clearly not letting this go since he wants to at least make sure I'm okay.
"Thinking about how you might want to make me your sugar baby" I mumble into his chest and he laughs wholeheartedly making me even more embarrassed.
"Is that something you'd want?" he asks and I shake my head.
"You don't wanna be at home and sit pretty, waiting for me to come back and shower you with gifts and jewelry and give you the world?" he teases while pinching my sides making me pull away from him, trying to escape.
"N-no! Now s-stop" I choke out through laughter and gasps of breath. "What would you want" he asks after having tackled me down onto the mattress making sure to do a thorough job of tickling me until I could barely breathe.
I take a second to think, my eyes going back and forth between his while his stay still, focused and almost begging for an answer.
"I thought we weren't going to have this conversation until I was well rested" I say, breathless, still not knowing up from down when it comes to us. If there even is an 'us'.
"You feel well rested?" he asks, cocking a brow at me and I nod my head quickly, giving me a crooked smile in response. "Then it's perfect timing right?" he continues and I nod again leaving him getting off of me and leaning his back against the headboard, waiting to hear what I have to say.
I take a minute or so to gather my thoughts and the whole time he's watching me curiously, almost able to see the wheels turning in my head.
"What happened between us kind of caught me by surprise" I start, looking down at my lap and playing with my fingers nervously. "I don't regret it, it was just, well I'm just kind of confused about how you feel about me, and I'm really confused about how I feel about you" I admit and I can see his expression go a bit wary but I jump at the chance to explain myself.
"It's just that I think both of us know at this point that we're extremely attracted to each other" I start out and the corner of his lips upturns for a second but nods in confirmation, waiting for me to continue.
"With us getting physical and all so quickly I can't help but think that maybe we should take a step back. I would like to know your thoughts and intentions and feelings about all of this. I might be overthinking it but I really think it's best to be up front and honest with each other" I say and take in a shaky breath, scared I might've said the wrong thing.
"You're so sexy when you act so mature like that" he taunts and I groan, wanting to keep this serious. "I'm just playing Bunny. Well I'm not because you really are sexy but I don't want you to feel all nervous and insecure like you are right now. We're being open and honest right?" he questions and I nod my head, eager for him to continue.
"Meaning it would be the perfect opportunity to tell you that I have feelings for you right?" he says and my eye bug out in response, not knowing what to do now. "Wasn't expecting that huh?" he chuckles and I shake my head making him laugh even more.
"Cat got your tongue Darling?" he teases and scoff at that. "No I was just being polite and letting you keep talking since you let me do the same" I say, making excuses and trying to keep my voice level.
"Sure Bunny" he smirks not believing a word I said but continuing nevertheless.
"I've had feelings for you for a while now and I haven't told you or acted on it because I wanted to respect the fact that you were in a relationship. I never liked Jared though for what it's worth" he says without hesitation and it makes me cringe at the thought that I was about to marry that snake.
"Is it harsh to say I'm glad he's out of the picture?" he says boldly making me laugh. "Not just because it benefitted me but because he didn't deserve to marry a beautiful, intelligent, kind hearted woman like you. I would've said something but I'm not your father so I knew it wasn't my place" he finishes and making me smile, thankful that he was so considerate.
Now that I think about it, even back then I respected and trusted his judgement so it wouldn't have bothered me even if he did say something.
"It's not harsh to say because I'm happy about it too. To be honest though I don't really know what I ever saw in him. I think because he was the first guy that more or less respected my boundaries that I thought I had to hold onto him. I don't know" I say and he nods his head.
This is something I haven't experienced before. Someone sitting and taking the time to actually talk things out without any outside distractions and focusing on each other and hearing each other out.
Maybe it's just an age thing and the fact that Jungkook does fit the standard of dating older and more mature men is better. We're not dating though, but I guess we'll hopefully figure out where we stand once this conversation comes to a close.
"I'm really confused and I kind of don't know how to feel but I'm not closed off to figuring things out" I say, glancing up at him and back down at my lap, nervous from seeing how fascinated he is with me right now.
I hold my breath and wait for him to say something but when nothing ever comes I chance looking up at him again and I'm surprised to see how he's still watching me.
"Like I said, I've had feelings for you for a while and if you're open to seeing where things go then I would really like to take you out on a date. Like on a proper date. I know since we've been living together and we've been spending a lot of time together but I-" he start off strong but begins to ramble and is regretfully cut off by the sound of the front door opening.
"Dad! Dad where are you?" Jina calls out and neither of us dares to move or make a sound. "Dad" Jina drags out, regretfully confirming that I am in fact not dreaming. "Be down in a second" he says then presses a finger to his lips.
"Just stay in here and I'll take care of it" he whispers and I nod my head, watching him as he panics internally before leaving the room and closing the door softly behind him.
What the hell are we gonna do? My car is out there! Or wait, did I put it in the garage yesterday? I can't remember but I really hope it's not out there otherwise she'll already know I'm here.
"What are you doing here?" Jungkook says. I can hear his muffled voice through the walls and I know I probably shouldn't listen but curiosity gets the best of me making me rush to the door and quietly crack it open, needing to hear how this conversation goes.
"Nice to see you too dad" she says, and I hate the fact that I'm only able to hear them but I'll settle for this.
"You should've contacted me before you came over Jina. You know I don't like people showing up unannounced" he says sternly.
"You're usually totally fine with me coming over" she says sounding thoroughly confused and I can hear Jungkook clear his throat before she starts again.
"Am I interrupting something?" she asks after no doubt clocking the dishes that were left over from lunch. Two plates, two cups and two sets of silverware. A dead giveaway that someone is here especially since it hasn't been cleaned up yet.
"You are actually" he says and I trip, surprised that he would straight up admit it but he has no reason to hide, and neither do I.
Having pushed the door open thanks to my clumsiness (somehow able to stay upright and keep my dignity this time) I'm faced with the dilemma of if I should just go back inside and pretend that never happened when it clearly did or come out and face her.
I'm given the luxury of having that choice since she hasn't seen me yet but I decide it's better to do this as soon as possible. We've hid the fact that I've been living here for two months so what's adding on the fact that I've been messing around with her father while doing so.
(Although this is a newly added feature but she doesn't need to know that)
I take a deep breath before stepping out from behind the door, watching Jina's face go from surprised to confused to disgusted to angry before turning back towards her father.
"You're fucking my best friend?" she accuses, not completely wrong but semantics.
"Best friend's don't fuck around and get pregnant by their friend's fiancees" I remind her, walking down the stairs in conveniently only Jungkook's shirt making what's going on, or what's starting to go on between us even more clear.
"Oh grow up! It's not like there's anything we can do to change that now can we? Plus looks like you're doing just fine without him" she throws at me and from that moment I'm not pulling any punches. She wants to play dirty? Fine, let's play dirty.
"Jina stop it" Jungkook growls, going on the defensive, not being able to gauge what kind of mindset she's in or even her reasoning for coming here but wanting her out all the same.
"Grow up?" I chuckle dryly, "I guess you're right, I guess maybe I have started growing up since it seems I've matured enough to be with someone like your father. Which, last time I checked, wasn't someone you have any business in questioning on things like his sex life and who he does and does not partake in it with" I say, placing a hand on his bicep possessively and I feel the tension he had once held in his body start to melt away.
Interesting to know that I have this effect on him...
"Come on, we both know that you're probably just a piece of ass to him" she scoffs before turning to address him. "Didn't know you started picking up strays. I wondered where she had ran off to" she says, continuing to disrespect the both of us without a care in the world.
"Don't call her that!" Jungkook says, jaw clenched as a way to keep himself in check.
All I see is red though and the next words I hurl out are ones that I couldn't stop myself from saying even if I tried. The ringing in my ears fanning the flames of my agitation making it impossible to hold back.
"How's life being pregnant with my fucking ex boyfriend's baby? He's probably taking real good care of you huh?" I taunt, cocking a brow at her and from the way the color rushes to her cheeks and the words die in her throat are enough to tell me everything I need to know.
He hasn't done shit for her.
She balls her hands into fists by her side and lunges at me but Jungkook jumps in between us, grabs her by the shoulders and turns her around, forcing her out the front door.
"You're gonna throw me out and choose that slut over your own daughter?" she yells struggling to get out of his grasp the whole way.
"Last time I checked honey the only slut around these parts is you" I throw back, following right behind them and the way her jaw drops is just priceless.
"That's enough! Jina go!" Jungkook says through gritted teeth letting go of her once she's passed the thresh hold, leaving her standing there, looking between the two of us before scoffing and storming off down the driveway.
"I knew you were obsessed with her I just never thought you would bother acting on it" Jina spits out at her father and when she sees that he doesn't flinch she hurls more baseless lies and insults at the both of us.
"You know she's just using you to get a place to stay and get over her ex right? What happened to staying a virgin until you got married y/n? Huh? Guess getting cheated on really fucked you up" she spits while unlocking her car.
"And I guess fucking around with an ego-driven two-timing narcissist gets you pregnant" I throw back and she purses her lips before sinking down in her car, accepting defeat this time and leaving like her father told her to.
"Say hi to Jared for me" I call out, waving at her as she grips the steering wheel until her knuckles have gone white, putting it in drive and backing out of the driveway.
I walk over to the couch and let out a big sigh once I've sat down, throwing my head in my hands as a way to ground myself.
Breathing through this dizzy feeling from that whole confrontation that I had not been prepared for is a lot tougher than I thought it would be, my whole body still buzzing.
I hear Jungkook close the door behind him after having watched her speed down the street, still worried for her safety but also wanting to make sure she was actually gone. What happened just now was enough of a confrontation to last me a lifetime, or at least it feels that way.
"Hey" he whispers, kneeling in front of me and rubbing my back, "Are you okay?" he continues and I nod my head, feeling the tears prickling in my eyes, calling my bluff.
"Come here" he whispers, sitting on the couch next to me and pulling me onto his lap, rubbing my back again and holding me while I let out some of those tears I had held back.
"I don't even know why I crying" I say, sniffling and sitting back up to dry my eyes.
"No one likes getting into fights with someone they used to care about. Well, nobody sane likes getting into fights with someone they used to care about" he says, trying to lighten the mood and it does the trick making me scoff a bit, smiling at his efforts to make me feel better.
He cups my face and wipes a few tears that had fallen, looking at me with his brows pinched together as if his heart is breaking with mine.
"But you still care about her though, don't you?" he asks and I nod my head. "It's hard not to" I admit, getting off his lap and sitting next to him which makes him angle his body to face mine, taking hold of one of my hands, encouraging me to speak my mind.
"She's been my best friend for the past five years. That's not something that can magically be turned off for me. I know what she did to me was devastating and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive her for it. I'm still trying to heal from it all so I don't know, I couldn't help but defend myself, and you. I'm sorry you had to see that" I say, mumbling the last part and feeling so much regret for saying those ugly things about his daughter right in front of him.
"Everyone has a right to defend themselves and when you're being attacked like that, you can't help but say hurtful things. She had no right and she knew that and wanted to hurt the both of us anyway" he says and I take a deep breath before turning my attention back to him because she said just as many hurtful things to him as she did to me.
"Are you okay?" I question, tightening my hold on his hand to hopefully encourage him to be vulnerable with me as well.
He nods his head with a sad smile and waits a beat before saying anything and I hold my breath until he does.
"No one wants their daughter to end up in the kind situation she put herself in or see the people that they care about hurting but what she said didn't hurt me" he says and I nod my head, paying attention to his hand that I have placed in my lap, tracing the swirls of ink with my eyes as they travel further up his arm.
"What did hurt me though was the way she was talking about you. You know that's not how I feel about you at all right?" he says, tilting my face up towards him making purposeful eye contact with me, needing to know that I believe him.
"I know" I nod, giving him a sad smile accompanied by my still glossy eyes making him even more sad seeing how upset all of this has made me.
"Can I do anything to make you feel better?" he asks, cupping my face and keeping my eyes on him when I try to turn them away. "No, I'll be okay" I shake my head and he studies my features before nodding and accepting my words at face value.
"Okay, do you wanna go back up to my room? You can sleep in there with me if you'd like" he says, brushing a tear dampened strand of hair out of my face.
I give him a mischievous smile, telling him I know what he's up to but he pulls away and puts his hands up in a way to defend his motives.
"Just sleep, I promise. Scouts honor" he says, crossing his heart and I laugh at his playfully defensive nature. "Sure" I say, taking hold of his hand while he stands up and leads me back to his bedroom.
~~~~
After having talked a little bit more about what had happened the topic of conversation circles back to what we had been in the middle of before she showed up.
"So earlier it seemed like you wanted to ask me a question" I say, taking a sip from my soda that had come with the take out we had ordered hours ago, toying with the straw and keeping his attention.
"Yeah? And do you know what your answer might be to said question?" he teases, wetting his lips and keeping his eyes trained on mine.
"You have to ask the questions first Daddy" I say placing my drink down on his nightstand and when I turn to face him again he's tackling me down on the bed peppering kisses all over me.
"Stoooppp" I giggle and he laughs along with me before leaning back to hover over me. "Will you go out with me?" he asks and I can tell that this whole moment has him feeling like a teenager again.
"I thought you'd never ask" I say, running my fingers through his hair making him lean into my touch.
"You can't take it back though. Once we do this I won't ever let you go" he husks out, placing a kiss on my palm and I shutter at the feeling. "Then don't" I breathe out making a flame of desire flash through his eyes.
"You're gonna get yourself in trouble you know that?" he warns, placing a kiss on my nose before getting off me and turning off the tv. "Hey! I was watching that!" I pout "No you weren't" he chuckles. "Plus it's time to go to bed. We've got a big day ahead of us" he says, getting under the covers and motioning for me to do the same.
"Big day?" I question, not remembering we had something on the agenda this weekend. "I may or may not have planned out our date this morning while you were still in bed Sleeping Beauty" he says, pulling me onto his chest but I sit up pulling away from him with my brows scrunched together.
"How were you so sure I would say yes?" I scoff, shocked by his bold assumption. "From the way I've been making you moan my name I figured you wouldn't mind going on one date with me in return" he says and my jaw drops, throwing the covers off myself and making a break for it but he yanks me back towards him making me flop down on the bed.
"You can't just say things like that" I whine, hands over my eyes as a way to block him out of my vision and hide the very apparent blush that I'm sure is starting to bloom.
"Am I wrong?" he taunts, placing kisses on my neck and collarbone, dangerously close to making me moan his name again.
"You're no fair" I say, pushing him off and giving him my back making him chuckle at my shy behavior. He lays down and pulls me back into him. My back now against his chest and his hand placed on my hip where I'm again reminded that I'm only wearing his shirt and my under ware.
"Keep your hands to yourself Mr." I tease while prying his hand off me. "Come on darling, you know I'm a man of my word. Just sleep, nothing else" he says, this time sliding his hand further up to hold onto my bare waist.
"Fine" I grumble out and he laughs and nuzzles his nose into my neck, taking another deep breath, flooding his senses with my scent.
"Goodnight Bunny" he mumbles against my skin. "Goodnight Daddy I tease and am rewarded with a slap on my ass.
"Did, did you just spank me?" I say trying to wiggle out of his hold but he's already got his arm wrapped around my waist again. "I told you that pretty little mouth of yours was gonna get you into trouble didn't I?" he says, switching to rubbing his hand along the tender flesh he just struck, caressing it in a way to ease the pain.
I pout and settle back into the bed, not dignifying his words with a response. It's only when I accidentally move my hips backwards do I freeze from gaining a soft moan from him, no doubt caught off guard from the contact of my ass up against him.
"Sorry I didn't mean to I-" "I know Bunny, just go to sleep" he says placing a kiss on my neck and holding my hips in place, putting a little more space between us.
As I slow my breathing to a steady one I start to lull myself to sleep but I flinch at the sound of his cute snores in my ear. 'Something I'll have to tease him about in the morning' I giggle to myself and take his hand off my hip, choosing instead to hold it against my chest having him surrounding me. Soon I'm slipping into that dreamland he had drifted off to moments before, safe and warm being in his arms.
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Hello! I've been reading through your blog for the past few days and everything you write is so amazing. I was wondering if maybe you would consider writing something about an aro high schooler who gets asked out by this person they've convinced themselves that they like, but when they're actually asked about it, it just feels wrong? (Bonus points if they think kissing is gross because imo it is) - sincerely, an aroace teen writer who is very inspired by you
"River kissed you!?" Their best friend shrieked, with all of the excitement that the protagonist had expected to feel.
They managed a weak smile. Their stomach squirmed.
It was supposed to be great, wasn't it? A first kiss. People wrote novels about them. It was the epic climax of the episode. It was fireworks and a fluttering stomach, it was the whole world narrowing down to a single moment, it was heart pounding love.
It was gross.
"...was it bad?" their friend asked, catching their expression. Their face fell. A smashed plate of disappointment.
The protagonist swallowed. "It was...wet."
"I mean, it takes a bit of practice to get good at it. Even with the right person. Did they stick their tongue down your throat?"
"No. I don't think so? I mean - it was fine." It would be fine. It would definitely be fine. Maybe their first kiss hadn't exactly been what they were hoping for, but it would get better. Wouldn't it? Their throat suddenly felt horribly tight. They pressed their lips together to keep their voice from wobbling and took a breath. "You're probably right. I mean, I don't know if they've ever kissed anyone before either. Maybe I was really bad at it."
"No!"
"It's okay." At least, if they were bad at kissing, that was something they could improve upon. At least it wouldn't always feel so...
It wasn't like it was all some elaborate ruse the whole population was in on, anyway. That would be ridiculous!
It had been a nice night otherwise. The movie had been good, and their hands had touched over the popcorn, and they'd got into a great discussion about the plot after.
It would get better.
...it did not get better, though.
They started to find excuses not to kiss River; "Let's take it slow."
A kiss on the head or the cheek wasn't so bad, or like a one second peck on the mouth. It was all the other kisses.
When it didn't feel wrong, they felt nothing. They counted the awkward seconds for it to be over, then vowed to do much better next time when they caught a glimpse of the confused sort of hurt in River's eyes.
"I know you're shy," River said, one day, in a trying-to-be-casual voice. "But you like...never kiss me. It's always me kissing you. Did I..." Their voice dropped, agonised, "am I really bad at it or something?"
"No, no!"
"Oh, good."
"I just - I don't now." Their stomach squeezed. "I'm not sure I really like kissing," they confessed. "It's - I don't know." It felt rude to say ew.
"Oh," River said, in a tone of less good, but trying to be chill and non-judgy. "Okay."
"Sorry."
"It's okay." River took their hand, squeezed. "Kissing isn't everything, I guess. There are other things."
For a second, just a second, they were sure they'd never loved anyone more.
They liked River. Didn't they? They certainly thought they had. They had those cheekbones, and those pretty eyes, and they were always nice to everyone. They made the protagonist laugh, at least when there wasn't kissing involved.
It should have all been perfect.
They'd always wanted to fall in love.
In the end, they broke up after about three months.
The protagonist didn't ask what they'd done wrong, because it felt obvious, even if River wasn't cruel enough to say it. Maybe they should have ended it themselves, instead of forcing River to do it. Probably.
But what could they possibly say? It's not you, it's me. Nobody would believe that even if it was true. Oh, I know I said yes to dating you, but I'm just not that into you. That felt far too mean. It wasn't like River had done anything bad.
Their best friend held them while they cried, wracking things that choked up in their chest.
"What if I die alone?"
"Don't be stupid." Their best friend hugged them hard. "Of course you're not going to lie alone. River wasn't that great anyway! There's clearly something wrong with you if they don't want you."
The protagonist didn't quite dare say that wasn't exactly how it happened.
They kissed a few other people over the years, normally around the time when everyone else did. New Year, at the strike of twelve. If there wasn't any fireworks in the kiss, at least they were popping and fizzing outside and a new year was a new slate. They tried once after a few too many cocktails, with a friend, because maybe it would feel a little better when they were tipsy. With someone who definitely knew what they were doing.
It wasn't, though.
"You'll find the right person," their best friend said. "It's different when it's the right person, you know? Like me and Willow. I didn't think, but then..." They were happily in love; exuberant on it, nonstop on it.
The protagonist didn't want to resent it. They didn't want to be that person, spitting bitter like the villain in a fairytale.
"Romance novels are very exaggerated," their best friend said. "It's not always butterflies. It doesn't have to be butterflies to be real, you know? It's just someone you really want to spend time with."
But, the more the protagonist thought about it, the more they weren't sure that was quite true. There were plenty of people that they liked being around. It still didn't make them want to kiss them.
They weren't even sure they wanted to fall in love anymore. It wasn't like they spent most of their life miserable or anything. It was just...sometimes, when everyone else in the room had someone, or their parents asked them yet again if there was anyone they'd been seeing. Even in the height of drama, it all seemed so much easier for them.
They were twenty when they first came across the words.
Aromantic Asexual.
It was the second time they'd cried over the whole kissing thing.
That time it was relief.
"Oh my god," they left their best friend a message, vindicated. "It is an elaborate ruse!!! I'm going to bite something!!"
It got better, after that.
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Arkhelios Adventures
Remy stared in her brother's direction, trying to make him do something fun by sheer force of will. All Adam did all day was mope and read, and sharing a room with him was beginning to grate on her nerves.
Adam moved, and Remy had a brief moment of hope where she though he might do something interesting. She was immediately let down however, when he simply grabbed a school book and started to read. Remy had thought sharing a room with him briefly as a kid had been rough, but she was wrong. Her younger twin brother had the exciting life of a shriveled up old warlock whose main excitement in life was the daily crossword puzzle. Clearly Theo had been a large part of Adam's adventurous side and if he didn't come back to make her brother fun again, she had the feeling that Adam would forever be as dull as he was now.
"A book? Why are you doing schoolwork? It's after hours and you could be doing anything! Literally, anything. Why don't you watch a movie or whatever you think is fun? Teenagers have fun, boring ass adults do schoolwork after class. You're only young once, Adam and you're blowing it."
"I don't know, it's hard to say what's fun these days. Theo liked watching movies with me. The really scary ones so he'd have to hold me when we watched them. Everything I could do, I did it with him first. Reading about magic might be the only way I can see him again. If I want to, that is."
"That's it! I can't take any more of this. You stay here and die of old age, while you figure out if you still love your boyfriend. I'm going to have fun. At least one of us should."
Remy cast a quick spell to freshen her makeup and hair, daring her brother to say something. Anything.
"Where are you going? You know you're not supposed to leave the school grounds," Adam cautioned. "Dad will be pissed if he finds out."
"No, he won't. He'll never catch me and if he ever did, I could just blame your constant moping making me insane. Seriously, if you went downstairs to even have a game of chess with a stranger, Dad would probably throw a party of his own."
"He would not," Adam grumbled defensively. "I'm not that bad."
"Yeah, you are," Remy confirmed, looking at her phone. "Don't worry, I have some fun planned for you despite your aversion to anything interesting. You can't just stay in here mourning Theo forever."
"Oh god, what have you done now, Remy?" Adam groaned. "I don't need your idea of fun. That usually leads to hangovers and possible academic suspension."
"You'll see," she teased, putting on a revealing dress in an instant and rechecking her hair. "I got your boy crush's phone number, why don't you try entering it on your new phone? Oh wait, I already did while you stared at the wall all day."
"Boy crush?" Adam repeated. "I don't have any crush, you're being deluded again."
"I've seen the way that you look at Josh from Crystal Cove," Remy laughed. "Oh, Josh, help me find this rare crystal. Josh, do you want to help me study? My boyfriend just can't answer questions like you can. Let's have little crystal babies together."
Remy made an obnoxious kissing noise and Adam whipped a pillow at her.
"That's not true!" he shouted. "Josh and I are just friends. He's dating someone from Arkhelios!"
"Just like you, see this is working out," Remy replied. "You have so much in common. I told him that you wanted to spend some alone time to talk about rocks and he was into it. Dad might not have told you, but he called the coven nearly every day after you got hurt. He likes you."
"Remy! You didn't!"
Adam's mind reeled as he thought of the damage Remy had done. Josh was an attractive, powerful warlock who Adam looked up to. He was a couple years older than Adam and currently had a boyfriend in college, Melvin Jr Hydes. Josh and Melvin always seemed so happy together, just like he and Theo used to be and the thought of Josh thinking that Adam wouldn't respect that relationship was horrible.
It wasn't like Remy was too off base though, if Adam was honest with himself. Josh was the great-nephew of the king of Strangetown and was named after Master Toyonaga, someone he had always longed to have as a teacher. In an alternate world, Adam would learn under Master Toyonaga and continue to pursue crystal magic as a major. The fact that Josh would also be there was just a bonus.
Josh didn't make Adam feel like he did when he was with Theo, but Adam could still feel his heart race when Josh helped him with a project. The fact that Remy had picked up on this fact was dangerous. If she knew about his silly crush, how obvious was it to everyone else? Did Josh know? Did Theo?
"Hey, Adam. I was just wondering if you wanted to do something together? Your sister said you might want to hang out?"
Adam's heart froze in his chest when he saw Simon Toyonaga appear in their doorway, looking optimistic. From the way his sister was beaming, Adam assumed that this visit was also her idea. Had she invited every member of the Toyonaga family in their age group to cheer him up?
"Remy!" Adam hissed, unsure if he was more angry or terrified by his sister's meddling. How on earth was she doing all of this?
"Oh, hi, Simon," Remy said sweetly. "Good timing. I was just going out and Adam could use some company. His boyfriend is still missing and he's feeling so hurt by him. Maybe you could cheer him up."
"Yeah, I can try," Simon said eagerly. "What do you want to do?"
Behind Simon's back, Remy was making obscene gestures with her hands, giving her brother suggestions for what they could do in her absence.
"Remy! Uh, yeah, I guess we could go for a walk or something," Adam said politely. It wasn't Simon's fault that Remy was out of control.
Simon was cute, and even Adam could figure out that Simon had a crush on him. Theo had always acted like he was oblivious to this fact if he did know. Unlike his father, there weren't several family stories about Theo going mad with jealousy and taking his anger out on people who simply looked at his partner. Roman was always the parent who made Adam nervous when he was at Theo's house because he was so predictably unpredictable. There was no way that Adam could picture Theo dumping Simon into a section of the Void because Adam thought he was attractive. No matter how Theo eventually returned to him, Adam knew that Simon would be safe if Remy tried to convince Theo that something had happened while he was gone.
But i thought that he would never hurt me. Maybe the Theo I thought I knew never really existed.
"It's nice out here," Simon commented.
After forcing Remy to go to her party or whatever she had planned so that she'd leave him alone, Adam and Simon had walked in near silence down to the outdoor balconies. Simon watched Adam in case he wobbled or needed assistance, but it wasn't needed. The majority of his physical wounds had healed, though Adam supposed that people couldn't have known that if they never saw him out in public.
"I never really come out here at night," Simon continued awkwardly. "It's peaceful."
"Theo and I always sat out here. You can see a lot of cool birds and there's a pretty good view of some of the royal residences."
"So, uh, do you know when Theo will be back in school?" Simon asked carefully. "Is he coming back? I've heard a lot of conflicting things."
"He'll be back," Adam promised. "Evren might burn down the school if he doesn't. All the adults talk in hushed whispers when Theo's mentioned, so I'd imagine that something is happening. Maybe he'll come back early."
"So you are still dating him? Remy made it sound like-"
"Remy doesn't know what she's talking about," Adam said quickly. "I don't know how I'll feel when I see him again, but I owe it to him to not break up with him while he's not here to know that we're done. Remy means well, but sometimes she goes too far."
"That's admirable," Simon replied. "Theo's lucky to have you...that is if you decide to stay together. Relationships aren't easy."
"No, they're not," Adam agreed. "I learned that the hard way."
"So what are you up to lately?" Simon asked, redirecting their conversation away from the topic of Theo. "You miss a lot of class, are you having trouble keeping up? I can always try to help, though my grades have never been as good as yours. Do you have any hobbies?"
Adam paused, trying to think of a response.
"No, not really. I haven't been doing much of anything lately. It's too hard to focus on anything but Theo...and everything that happened."
"You like crystals, though, don't you?" Simon pressed. "You made Theo that ring he's always showing off and I remember your year-end project from last year. It was the prototype for a new wand, right? Did you ever get that to work?"
Adam frowned, unsure of the answer to that question.
"I don't know, I dropped it after I could use the Maricourt wand," he replied. "To be honest, I've kinda forgotten about it. My dad gets upset if I don't show off the Maricourt wand in class."
"Well, what would you rather wield? I like my trusty carved wand personally. I don't think I'll ever use the Maricourt wand after I can summon it. It's bulky and too much of a hassle."
"Yeah, I've never really thought about it," Adam said. "It's just what my dad told me to do. It's tradition. It's how you prove yourself to the coven." He paused. "Now that you mention it, the Maricourt wand is bulky and hard to maneuver. I smacked myself in the head a few times when i first tried to cast a proper spell with it."
"You worry too much about what adults think," Simon declared, staring up at the night sky. "Forget about Theo for now and focus on yourself. I mean, that's what he's doing, isn't he? He's finding out who he is and how to be that person going forward and you're just crying about him. I'm not trying to be mean, Adam, but you should use this time to grow in your own power. Try something new. Take a risk."
Adam thought carefully about this advice. Sure, Remy and his father had told him basically the same thing, but it felt different coming from an outsider to their family. Maybe he really was missing a silver lining with Theo's absence. When Theo came back, did he really want to see his boyfriend miserable and barely leaving his dorm room? Adam's body and magical skill had been transformed and he wasn't even experimenting with his abilities or how they could interact with the power of crystals. Why did he use the Maricourt wand in class when he could barely feel the difference in magical power when he used it? His magic had always felt amplified when channeled through a crystal prism. Whenever he searched for his limited connection to Theo, a crystal wand always made him easier to find. His feelings for Theo always seemed to be perfectly in tune with a crystal, vibrating together with perfect clarity.
"You're right," Adam said slowly, a powerful thought beginning to crystalize in his mind. "No one is going to bring Theo back here or let me talk to him. If I want to get closure, I need to find Theo myself."
"I'm not sure that was my point exactly," Simon replied. "You should find out about yourself and then when you're ready-"
"I can feel him faintly. If I could get a wand that would amplify that, I might be able to talk to him. I could take charge of this situation and fix all of this."
For the first time in months, the tightness in Adam's chest began to ease. Why was he sitting around waiting for someone else to bring Theo back to him? He had all the tools he needed to try to fix this. He was so preoccupied with all the changes that had happened to him, that he'd forgotten all the things that had stayed the same. He was connected to Theo magically, which not only gave him a clue to find Theo, but also borrowed some of Theo's insane power for himself. He was a Maricourt and a Darktide and he could do whatever he put his mind to.
"You're right, Simon!" Adam exclaimed, feeling hope trickle back into his heart for the first time in months. "I know just who to help me find Theo."
"Please don't tell your sister that this was my idea," Simon whimpered. As much as he liked Adam, he was rightfully frightened of Remy, Bronwen and Elowen. If they thought that he had influenced their brother into something rash and dangerous, Simon was doomed.
Adam summoned one of his practice wands for dueling class and immediately waved it in a basic summoning spell. Using a practice wand dulled the spell's power so that the target wouldn't be summoned against their will. They could choose to ignore the summons if it was inconvenient for them. The last thing Adam wanted was to summon his guest if he was getting ready for bed.
"Adam? So are you are alive! I was starting to have my doubts."
A glowing figure emerged from nothingness before the two boys' eyes. Adam beamed seeing his visitor, consciously trying not to look too excited.
"Josh! Remy mentioned that you were looking to talk with me," Adam said, brushing his hair slightly so less of his scar was visible. "Simon and I were just talking, and I may have a project for us. I need to talk to Theo and there's no traditional way of finding him. From what my dad says, he's in a place we can't even summon him. His dad already tried and it's like wherever he is has some kind of shielding. I can barely feel my connection to him, but with the right crystal, I might be able to enhance it. So I was thinking-"
"Slow down, Adam, I haven't seen you in months and you're talking a mile a minute about a crystal? How are you? What happened? Your dad gave me your new phone number and you've been ghosting me. I texted you. Are you doing any better?"
Adam froze, the weight of his memories steamrolling over the limited confidence he'd felt.
"I'm fine," he said shortly. "I can walk like normal now, and I've gone back to regular classes. I'm fine."
Josh nodded, realizing that he'd pushed too hard in his excitement to hear from his friend. If he wanted to help Adam, he would have to slow things down.
"I'm glad to hear that. You can catch me up to date while we're working on this project of yours."
Adam's face brightened once more. As long as he didn't have to think about what had happened, he could maybe start to see a path forward.
"I need a new wand," he explained. "I was hoping that you or Master Toyonaga could help me make that wand I was working on before. If I can get the right wand, I might be able to talk to Theo. All I need is some help."
"And I can help you," Josh replied. "I made my own wand last year. Just about everyone in the coven has at least one wand that they've made themselves. It's surprisingly easy with the right crystals."
"I knew I could count on you."
Adam beamed with a new excitement now that he had a tangible plan in front of him. Finally, something in his life that he could control. Josh was going to help him find Theo and then things would finally change. He'd know just how he felt about both his boyfriend and his future once he could make a stronger wand.
"Well, I think we could start with coffee first before we jump right into magic," Josh laughed. "I get that you don't want to talk about certain things, but it's been forever since we hung out. Crystals resonate stronger when you are honest about your feelings and intentions, so let me help focus your magic. Does the coffee machine in the kitchen still work or did Travis break it again?"
"Travis broke the coffee machine?" Adam repeated. "I don't think he did, but-"
"It was about a month ago," Simon said. "He was testing whether he could brew coffee with the attributes of a potion he was working on. The kitchen was a disaster and the new machine only came in last week. There were a lot of pissed off people in the mornings."
"Really? I don't remember that."
"Because you haven't been outside your bedroom in ages," Josh replied. "The world kept turning despite Theo being gone. This is what I'm saying, let's get you back into society and when you're back, your magic will take care of itself. You know crystals are stronger when they're surrounded by others in tune with you."
"Yeah, I know. That makes sense." Adam paused, trying to summon the courage to move forward when the past was still so overwhelming. Crystals did need clarity and focus and if he wanted to find Theo and find himself again, Josh's suggestion made sense.
"Okay, one cup of coffee. But that's it."
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i literally broke out the pen and paper (made a list and checked it twice) trying to find numbers for the ask game you hadn't been sent yet!
as many or as little as you feel like answering!
4, 17, 19, 30, 35, 56, 74
💚💚💚
Thank you thank you! Sorry for the delay, but I had to set these aside so that I could give them the proper time and focus they deserve!
4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?
It's got to be my original work space thing A Robot Named Future. Specifically there is A Scene in it that I first came up with back in...2014? It's loosely based off the robot interrogation scene in the Will Smith movie I, Robot. Except in my book it doesn't involve a robot, its actually about [redacted].
Then later the robot shows up.
It doesn't fill me with existential dread though- it fills me with excitement. Of all the original works I have spinning around in my brain, this one is 1 out of 2 that are the predominant ones I spin around and I've written a few scenes. One of my goals for this year is to actually sit down and outline both of these stories. I'm quite looking forward to it.
17. what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?
Oooooooof. Uh. Honestly I feel I bang on about this line too much, but of the published stuff it's still:
He wondered if maybe he wasn't Sisyphus but the goddamn boulder that kept pushing everyone down the hill.
Bonus runner up because it always makes me laugh is this entire exchange:
“Hold on, now, Rocky didn’t go around tying dicks together, bruv.”
“That we know of,” Moe retorted.
"Yeah, I haven't seen any of the new ones," said Colin.
“Creed was dope,” said Declan. “Michael B. Jordan pulled a plane in that one.”
Jan scoffed. “You mean his stuntman pulled it.”
“I don’t like Rocky,” Richard added, though no one had asked.
“Guys, we do not have time to argue,” Sam implored. He worried the spool between his hands, turning it about like a puzzle. “We have to be on the pitch soon.”
“Sam’s right. We’ve got to make a decision,” Isaac said authoritatively. “What do we think? And it has to be unanimous, it can’t just be a few of us out there with strings tied to our willies.”
19. what are some books or authors that influenced your style the most?
Ooooh, there's more than a few. Different authors taught me different things.
First, I think I would be remiss if I didn't mention all the art history courses I've taken in the past. Poetry may have given me the vocabulary to describe a scene, but writing about artwork I think is where I learned how to paint an image of a scene. Where to put the highlights and shadows, what objects get brought into focus. One of my old art teachers would remind us that 'all lines are not equally important', and when I'm describing, say, a room or a setting, I try to keep that thought in mind. I don't need to describe everything, I just need to emphasize the important and leave the obvious vague (another one from an art teacher.)
I have to give a special shout out to Terry Pratchett, specifically in regards to how he brings focal depth into consideration when writing very emotionally wrought scenes. It is the instinct of most writers to push inwards when describing horrible things, to focus on the effect they have on the individual. But after being blistered by T-Prat time and time again, I saw a post that pointed out how at some of his most emotional scenes he actually pulls backwards, leaving the audience to bare witness and fill in the blanks with a purposefully distanced grief we couldn't possible understand. This definitely shaped how I approach emotional scenes; I try to be intentional and weigh where that depth of focus should land.
Not to bang on this gong forever, but I have a deep and abiding love for Kurt Vonnegut. His prose style is so interesting to me in a sort of 'you can write things however you want, actually' sort of way. He'll be halfway through showing you a deep examination on the human psyche and then he'll leap into omniscience to make a joke about how aliens would find this part of the human experience very stupid and needlessly complicated.
So it goes.
30. most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.
Not sure if it counts as inspirational, but there are two quotes from completely different series that sort of twined together in live on in my head:
One is from Discworld, where the dwarves have a saying: All things strive.
The other is from the manga Saiyuki: Even a one-inch worm has a half-inch soul.
35. tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot
A lot of characters are very different from me. In terms of characters, I would be Higgins. So any character who you would say is not at all like Higgins is very different from me.
Though in the spirit of answering I'll say Keeley. When I was watching Ted Lasso casually, there would just be times when I would blurt out 'I love her.' She's so wildly endearing to me.
56. five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?
Hopefully at a point where I am still writing and where some of the longer things I'm working on have been finished!
74. are you a planner, pantser, or planster?
All of them. Whichever the story calls for.
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Hey there! I found your blog last Wednesday, and I gotta say, it's about time someone showed this misbegotten movie some love! I've also been reading Ziggy Cashmere's ebook Drawing For Nothing, which includes all sorts of old material from the film - and even directs you to an early draft of the script! Awesome-sauce! Aside from that, I want to know your thoughts on the proposed franchise Larry wanted to make out of the movie, including sequels, video games, books, live stage performances, etc.?
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying my blog, and yes, Drawing For Nothing is fantastic isn't it? There's a lot more where that came from too, with Ziggy currently working on a documentary called "ROTTEN: Behind Foodfight" (see my last post for more info on that). It should be coming out very soon, so stay tuned for that! I was fortunate enough to be involved in it, even making a small cameo at one point, and I can't wait for everyone to see the plethora of incredible behind-the-scenes material he's uncovered.
And yes, I read that early draft of the Foodfight! script a while ago and I'll talk about it (alongside... other exciting things) some more once the documentary is out It's a draft from April 2005 and is VERY similar to the novelization, but there are still a bunch of interesting differences worth discussing. For one, the script includes all the real-world mascot cameos intended to be in the movie (such as M&Ms, Pringles, Oscar Mayer etc.) which were excluded from the novelization presumably due to brand deals not extending to merchandising. This actually leads to some surprising changes in the plot and dialogue, some of which I find incredibly funny, so there'll be a whole lot to talk about!
Anyway, as for my thoughts on the proposed franchise? I think it could've worked, I really do. Not to the extent Larry Kasanoff dreamed of- I don't think there was anyway the proposed "Foodfight! On Ice" show was ever going to happen (there's no way the Brand X soldiers could goosestep in iceskates, come on now). I think that's dreaming too big too soon, the "Disney On Ice" shows didn't happen until Disney had already been making movies for decades. That said, I do think if the production of Foodfight! hadn't been so horribly mismanaged and had come out when it was intended to it would've been somewhat of a hit, and to that end some of the merchandising ideas were really smart. Stuff like the tie-in videogame, children's books, and videogames were just what a lot of movies had back then- this was 2006, every movie had a sidescroller on the GBA and a 3D platformer on the PS2. From what little we've seen of the game it's impossible to know how good it would've been, but those kind of movie tie-ins are usually pretty harmless.
As for the other merchandise, a lot of it WAS released...and I think it's pretty great for what it is! If all of the books, toys etc. had just released alongside the movie as intended, then they'd just seem like exactly what they are - merchandise made to promote a recently released children's film, and there'd be nothing much to discuss about them. They're all only so fascinating because the movie itself came out so badly, and so the merchandise provides a glimpse at what might've been had things gone better. That said, I still desperately want to make a post talking about the Deluxe Sound Storybook at some point, and hopefully I'll get the chance soon.
I don't think Foodfight! ever would've been popular enough to warrant a sequel- I think it would've been like Hoodwinked where some people look back on it fondly but it's largely been forgotten over the years, and I don't think Threshold (the studio who animated Foodfight!) would have ever been the "next Pixar" like Larry Kasanoff thought they'd be either. But maybe in another world, where the production of Foodfight! went as smooth as butter, for a time there'd have been a real Cinnamon Sleuth Cereal with a free Dex Dogtective toy inside. Ten years later someone would make a post on Reddit saying "Hey! Anyone else remember Cinnamon Sleuth?" and a series of pointless arguments about the movie's blatant commercialism would fire up in the comments. And that wouldn't be such a bad legacy to have, right...?
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Congrats on 250!!! It's always so exciting to see growth 🤗
pronouns: she/her
personality: i am emotionally intelligent and easygoing. my friends describe me as someone who they can always count on to have fun with. i have adhd so i tend to be airheaded at times, and i like to make jokes despite my friends saying they're horrible. i am a bit clumsy as well so i make messes on accident all the time. I like to believe im the mom of the friend group even though my friends are more responsible than me. I've told i act like the wine aunt. I also really love crystals
Hobbies: Hiking, music, road trips, reading, crafts
Favorites: The Breakfast Club(Movie), Little Words By The Happy Fits/Thunderous By SKZ(Song), Pasta(Food), in a kayak on the river/Concerts (Place), Harry Potter (Books)
Pets: Im a cat and dog lover but i have such a speacial connection to dogs and i have a little dog named Rocko !!
Dreams: To be at peace with life and to do something that makes me happy
Zodiac: Virgo sun, Libra moon, Cancer rising, Leo venus
Aesthetic: Hippie/Acadamia
Group: SKZ BABY
Scenario: carnival date ive always wanted have one
Hello! Thank you so much for your support and for making a request! I appreciate it a lot 💗
Btw we have so much in common when it comes to our personalities omgggg! I too love Breakfast Club tbh so I'm really glad to share some interests with you as well :)
PS I'm really sorry this took me so long.
Now to your ship...
-
I'm pretty sure about this one and I'd ship you with Chan.
My reasoning behind it:
- you're the mom of the group, he's the dad of the group - it just makes sense, ya know?
- I feel like the two of you would really click in when it comes to your personalities and could quickly bond through that :)
- I also feel like Chan would find your clumsiness very cute and would be very understanding toward your ADHD
- road trips with Chan????? Yes, please!!!
- also I think he'd be so interested in your crystals and would definitely ask a million questions about each of them and let you explain all you know in detail while he watches you with heart eyes uwu
- he would also definitely adore your dog because we all know how much he misses Berry so I'm sure he'd be so glad to spend time with your little baby lol <3
- also you give me this kind of a sunshine vibe (??) and I feel like Chan would be so whipped for you lol I'm sorry
-
"Over here!"
Chan can't help but grin once he spots you sitting on the bench, waiting for him patiently.
After all the attractions you two tried out tonight, you got quite thirsty and he offered to buy you some soda so he was forced to leave your side for a while and he's really glad to be back.
"Here you go," he smiles once he reaches you, handing you the cup and you take it, looking up at him with gratitude.
"Thank you so much, Channie," you murmur, the way you're gazing at him making his heart flutter.
"No problem, Y/N," he replies, scratching the back of his neck shyly before he sits down next to you.
You two have been friends for quite a while, ever since Jisung introduced the two of you to each other and Chan can swear he's been drawn to you from the moment he laid his eyes on you. However, it took him some time to actually ask you out and when he eventually did, it was mostly because of Jisung who wouldn't stop whining about how the whole thing is definitely mutual and Chan should just finally go for it and so he did. And looking at you now, sitting next to him and playing with the straw, the cute Hello Kitty headband he bought for you sitting on top of your head as you sway your feet rhythmically, he's so glad he did.
"Where are we going next?" You glance at him with a smile, taking him out of his thoughts and he chuckles.
"You still don't have enough?" He teases and you pout at him.
"Come on! There's so much we still didn't get to try out!" You state, making him smile.
"You're right," he murmurs, making you grin.
"I'm thinking about the shooting game," you say, taking a sip of your soda and he hums in agreement.
"Sure. That's a good idea," he nods and so you jump to your feet with a smile on your face.
"I'm about to kick your ass so bad," you say with a smirk, making Chan laugh.
"Oh, are you?" He teases, straightening up too.
"You can bet," you state and he chuckles.
"We will see about that," he leans a bit closer to you just to wink at you, making your heart do a little jump in your chest but you decide to ignore it, finishing your soda and throwing the cup in the nearby bin before you approach Chan again.
"Let's go then," you say excitedly and he smiles before slipping his hand into yours, intertwining your fingers, making your breath hitch in your throat as your eyes meet his.
"Right after you," he murmurs, his cheeks tinted pink, making you think about how cute he is.
"Sure," you reply, giving him a smile as you squeeze his hand a little tighter before leading him through the crowd, a silly grin on your face and your heart racing.
You've been waiting for this moment for so long and now that it's here you can't believe it's real. But feeling the warmth of his hand in yours, you know this is no dream. And you couldn't be happier.
#skz#stray kids#skz fanfic#stray kids fluff#250 followers celebration#shipping hours#bang chan x reader#kpop#skz bang chan#chan skz
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how about miyu, for the ask game now?
baby girl. baby.
Why I like them: I first started liking her when she got introduced because her skittish personality and her thing with San caught my interest. Then DB came out and gave her a proper design and she's SO!! CUTE!!!!! she reminds me of a little baby pangolin i love her so much... her live2D animations are perfect ;_; And it's kinda funny to me that someone as small and timid as her is sort of a jock, haha. Usually fitness buffs are tough/boyish characters.
When she was released as playable, her MSS bumped her up from "I like her a lot" to becoming one of my favorite characters in the game. I wasn't quite expecting to get such a real depiction of what it's like to have an anxiety disorder, but. Man. F4 knocked it outta the park. idk if the writer was drawing on personal experience, but they did a great job here either way.
Her tendency to talk nonstop and jump from topic to topic, sometimes to the point of forgetting to give others a chance to speak (or not realizing that the topic is inappropriate until it's too late and she's horribly embarrassed), is unfortunately relatable as well lol..... _(:3 」∠)_
I've said this before, but I wanna restate that I love the fact that Miyuri is explicitly gay and nobody ever comments on it. She sometimes worries that her thing™️ for legs is weird/gross, but that's because she knows most people aren't as into it as she is, not because she's only interested in girls. + she's got a preference for muscles so bonus points for having taste
overall a good girl; I wanna give her a weighted blanket and a pat on the head
Why I don't: look i'm glad her magical girl outfit has a helmet because safety first and all but why is it so big. it reminds me of toad from mario.
Favorite episode (scene if movie): Definitely her MSS! It has a nice mix of cute/funny and serious moments, and moves between them without being jarring. It does a really good job of exploring her character. I don't think it's up on the English patch yet, but it's one of my favorite MSSes in the game.
To talk about a specific scene, I really liked the flashback to when she made her contract. She worked hard to be able to make it into an inline skating tournament, but between general anxiety/stage fright and the fact that the venue is full of hot girls with fit, toned legs (ah, the "excitement → adrenaline → anxiety" pipeline), she's on the verge of completely breaking down.
Trying to distract herself isn't working. All she can think about is how pathetic she feels for getting scared like this. She wants to run away, but she can't. Kyubey, of course, chooses this opportunity to come peddle his contracts. Upon seeing a "talking white tanuki", Miyuri is now even more freaked out, and thinks she's gotten so scared that she's hallucinating. Kyubey denies this, so Miyuri then assumes that this has to be some kind of mean-spirited hidden camera prank or a scam. (SO close to recognizing Kyubey for what he is and not making a contract. So close. God...)
He starts prying her for her problems, asking if what she wants is to win the competition. She says she does- then clarifies that she actually doesn't even care if she wins; she just wants to be able to have fun like everyone else.
Miyuri: "I don't have anxiety because I LIKE it! And I didn't CHOOSE to end up with a leg fetish! I'm not different from everyone else because I WANT to be!"
Miyuri: "Why- why can't I just be normal…? Even though San-sama did her best to help me… There's no way I could ever face her again like this!"
(which... argh. yeah. "why can't i just be normal" is a mood and a half. mourning the loss of who you could have been if your brain functioned like a Normal Person's is soul-crushing. feeling like you're letting your loved ones down because of a mental illness you have no control over is awful too.)
Kyubey, of course, says he can help. Miyuri takes him up on the offer, asking him "Please make every second of every minute of my panic attacks go by faster!"
After Miyuri finishes relaying this story to the rest of NM, Shigure asks her why she didn't just wish to get rid of her anxiety or her leg fetish. Miyuri answers that when Kyubey approached her, she was seconds away from passing out; she was not at all in her right mind to weigh her options here.
That... blows so much. Miyuri even realized herself shortly after contracting that she could've made a more practical wish. Her anxiety is just as bad as it was before, and her leg fetish too is still just as much of a source of stress as always. But at the time, she was so caught up in how scared she was that she just wanted that hell to be over with.
What makes it hurt even more is that she was originally excited about the powers she got with her contract. Knowing that if she gets too scared, she'll black out and basically go on autopilot until the task is done, gave her a little confidence. No matter how rough a situation is, if she can't do it herself, her magic will carry her through. She doesn't need to push herself as hard to be brave anymore.
Then she discovered that she goes into a blind frenzy when she fights witches, tearing apart everything in her path-- which is very effective for killing the enemy, but puts her allies' lives in danger as well. Poor thing is so afraid of witches that she can't even stay conscious, but she can't fight alongside other people because she's (understandably) horrified to think that she could mangle them and have no idea until she comes to afterwards.
Man. Miyu got totally boned here. :(
Favorite season/movie: well, uh, arc 2
Favorite line: "... Why can't I do the same things as normal people?" in ep.2 of her MSS probably hit the hardest for me, emotionally. But I just talked about a similar line for "favorite scene", so I'm gonna pick her homescreen Tap 4 quote:
"Ehehe… ♪ The way San-sama looked here was soooo amazing…! …*gasp*! D-did you… see my photo folder…? P-please don’t tell anyone! For goodness’ sake, don’t…!"
It's not anything special, but it makes me smile. :') Her little laugh at the start sounds so-- "lovestruck" is probably a good word for it. It's so cute!! It's sort of funny that she's embarrassed about it given how shameless she can be, haha. I suppose there's a difference between deliberately showing a certain side of yourself vs. other people seeing it by accident, though. (still, it's not like any of her friends would be surprised that she has a bunch of pictures of san saved lol)
Favorite outfit: I like both her school uniform and magical girl outfit, but her school uniform is the one I usually use on my homescreen! Her oversized sweater is adorable.
OTP: Sanmiyu!!! Right up there in my top 5 magireco ships, honestly; it feels so My Brand™️ that it's almost embarrassing lol... I've got a fondness for this type of master-servant type ship to begin with, so I was like 👀 from the start. saw the line "when she loses consciousness, she becomes my doll" and knew i was doomed
MAN I don't even know where to begin they're just... perfect together. Miyuri is completely smitten with San-- beyond the obvious fawning over how hot San is, she's got some really cute lines like "I've loved you from the very first time I laid eyes on you...!" and "I'm falling for you all over again!" ;_; She admires San so much, and works hard to make her proud. While she's happy to work under San as her "secret weapon", she says that one day, she hopes to be strong/brave enough to fight beside her instead.
Speaking of the "secret weapon" thing, I was expecting that to be magic-related, but nope-- Miyuri is just so in love that San's voice is the only thing that gets through to her when she's in her blacked-out state. She trusts San enough to act as her guiding light when everything goes dark. Oh....... (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)
I appreciate that Miyuri has seen San anxious, flustered, upset, or otherwise "uncool", and still thinks she's the best. It's not like she's only ever seen San's tough, capable side and totally idealized her from that. Honestly, I kinda feel like knowing that San isn't perfect might be part of what makes her perfect in Miyuri's eyes? I've posted about it before, but basically, like... San used to be pretty similar to Miyuri as a kid; she just pushed herself hard to outgrow it (which. has created other issues, but i digress). And even though she still gets worried/scared sometimes now, she does her best to push through in spite of it all. That's probably pretty admirable to Miyuri, who has such a hard time with her own anxiety.
On that note, it's not a one-sided fondness like one might expect, which is really nice to see. While San is- for a few reasons- generally not outwardly affectionate with people, it's clear that she cares a lot about her. In Miyuri's event, when she hadn't shown up at NM's base in a while, San was so worried that she kept making mistakes in everyday activities that she's normally very good at. (She tried to play it cool, but Himena was like "okay no you're def totally stressed about this. go look for miyurin")
Then the scene in Miyu's MSS where San sees Miyuri dancing alone in the moonlight, blushes(!!), and says "... She's beautiful." to herself out loud...... oh :'^)
It's sweet to me that San's subsequent moment of "I want to help her succeed" is what made her decide to become the instructor for the Feathers, too. They both inspire each other. ;;
They're also both supportive of each other in their own ways, which is cute. San helps settle Miyuri down when she starts to panic (counting with her to take deep breaths, etc.), tries to reel her in when she gets too excited, and wants to see her grow and improve-- not just as a magical girl, but as a person. On Miyuri's end, she's happy to help San with anything she needs, whether that's Community Center volunteer work, festival prep/fundraising, digging for info at the library, training NM Feathers, various magical girl duties, or simply being there when San feels hurt or worried. She might not always be able to help, but she can at least listen.
... of course, it's not 100% wholesome (i'd say "thanks miyu" but tbh san isn't totally exempt here either), but. y'know. they've got a range. (also lmao @ how san is like "if it helps you distract yourself you're welcome to think about how hot my legs are instead")
(important side note: san is the tallest person in NM, and miyuri seems to be the shortest alongside shigure. cute...)
Brotp: I didn't see Rui+Miyuri coming, but it's good! They talk via text chat a lot, and they're both into the same "Bible of the End" series that Rui's a huge fan of. Their hobbies don't have a complete overlap, but they'll let the other ramble on about her interests because they understand what it's like to get excited over a niche subject.
They also both have awful social anxiety and keep tripping over themselves trying to talk over voice chat (or in person), but at least that means they're both like "no it's okay i get it" when the other apologizes for freezing up. Thanks. :')
There's a scene in Miyuri's event where she gives Rui a very alarming phone call, talking about how she's gonna get rid of her stuff and saying things like "this is probably the last time we're gonna talk" and "thank you for everything" before hanging up.
Rui is (understandably) extremely worried. She figures Miyuri wouldn't reply if she tried calling or texting her asking to meet up. Frantically trying to come up with ideas, she opens up their chat log and scrolls back to find a photo Miyuri sent her of a flower a while ago-- she recognizes the background as the hospital in Hokuyou ward, where Miyuri comes to visit a friend. Even though Rui feels kinda like a stalker for doing this, she books it off to Hokuyou on the slim chance that Miyuri might be there.
(Miyuri is there! She's fine, thankfully; just still feeling self-conscious and guilty from An Incident earlier. But Rui helps her sort things out.)
10/10; I love seeing these skittish nerds support each other.
Headcanon: Her personal magic means she has a number of gaps in her memory, so she keeps a notebook to remind her of things she's done while unconscious. (If she... remembers to update the notebook, anyway.)
Unpopular opinion: idk how unpopular this is, but the leg fetish thing is... honestly not nearly as bad as some people make it out to be? It's not handled in a creepy/gross way, and Miyuri's not a "pervert comic relief" character, either. I feel like people saw the word "fetish", assumed the worst, and then never actually, like, read her MSS or anything. F4 managed to work this in as a serious part of her character that doesn't feel weird or out of place.
(and it's not like teenagers can't be Like That anyway. puberty is a hell of a drug.)
A wish: I want....... sanmiyu dual unit. It makes sense from a story standpoint, since Miyuri almost never fights without San by her side, so it feels like a decent possibility? The Dream™️ is a cool Hikarizuka Fire Festival alt, but I'd be down with whatever.
An oh-god-please-don't-ever-happen: While I can appreciate the merits of the angst it would bring, I hope that if the story has to kill San and/or Miyuri, it takes out both of them instead of just one. Shipping aside, they're a package deal to me, like KMR or shiguhagu-- I don't wanna see them permanently separated. ;_;
5 words to best describe them: Timid, loyal, subservient, energetic, horny
My nickname for them: "Miyu", same as her in-series nickname. :')
#sorry that this is so late!!#i swear i'll get around to the others in my inbox soon OTL#magia record#yukari miyuri#asks#hc post#long post
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(💙) 9, 10, 18, 24, 28, 31, 34, 63, 65, 66, 67, 80, 81, 85, 88, 91, 94, 97, and 98! I hope you have a good day, cutie! 🥰
9. weird habit? Hmm...I don't like talking until after I've eaten breakfast. I've always been like this, and I wear headphones so no one talks to me djfhgdgadfkj. If I have a friend who spent the night though I'm too excited to care and will immediately start talking.
10. favorite meme? The "father, I crave violence" cat XD
18. last movie you watched? I believe it was Wolfwalkers!
24. what’s something most people love that you hate? Hardcover books? I don't understand the appeal, I hate it so much. I need softcover--hardcover ruins the experience for me.
28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told? When I was reaaallly little I got into the habit of sticking my chewed gum under the dining room table. It was disgusting and I have no idea why I did that. But I blamed it on the neighbor kid who we were family friends with. That backfired because I couldn't take the pressure and told the truth 🤣
31. give us one thing about you that no one knows. I've looked on ex-friend's socials. I know I shouldn't, and I don't do it anymore. It was an attempted coping mechanism that backfired, and I didn't realize at the time how unhealthy it was.
34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? I Miss You by Blink-182. Every time it comes on I'm always so excited. I'm never not in the mood to listen to it.
63. three things that turn you on. Well you know the first one but I'm not sharing my fetish in a public setting X3 second is definitely praise, and third is the position. You know the one...😏
65. favorite term of endearment? My love. I just adore it so very much. It's just that as well; pure adoration, and I can never get enough of it.
66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening? Looking back, 100% it was Barbie movies. Femininity is so incredibly attractive to me, and I absolutely base my love of femmes and the way I love them on those movies.
67. intimidating girls or kind girls? Kind! My heart is very fragile and I just wanna be carefully, lovingly handled.
80. what is your “type?” Honestly I just love girls. But I have to say biggest type physically is Max from Life is Strange. Personality wise, optimistic, extroverted, adventurous, kind, and not easily embarrassed are some of my absolutely favorites. But yeah, that's just two of the biggest. I really do just like girls X3
81. fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours? Fall asleep in her arms 🥺 I just wanna feel so warm and comforted and safe 👉👈
85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses? I'm self conscious about both so definitely I would want both. I wanna be made to feel like those parts of me are attractive 🥺 👉👈
88. making out or soft kisses? Both again. I'm so excited to have my first kiss and start exploring that. And both are equally appealing to me 🥰
91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach? Butterflies, so badly. It starts in my stomach and travels outwards until my whole body is tingling and I get uncontrollably giddy. Kinda shaky too sdjgsdkgjdj.
94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl? Stuttered horribly. I trip up on my words as is, but when I'm nervous it gets so bad.
97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter? When she sent me this ask 👉👈 💕
98. what is love to you? Being there through everything. It's the most intense happiness you've ever felt, and the deepest, darkest sadness you'll ever go through. I always think of Death Cab For Cutie's song What Sarah Said "Love is watching someone die." and that just hits me so hard every time. But then you look on the other hand and love literally saves lives. It's just so intricately woven into every aspect of the human experience, and I think that's beautiful <3 Also that scene in Date Night when she puts in her night guard but they forgot to kiss goodnight so she takes it out, and it's all slobbery but he doesn't even bat an eye and kisses her, then she puts it back in and they go to sleep. Again, just being human with each other.
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My Mate - Chapter 6 - Part 2
*Warning Adult Content*
Groaning irritably at the sun shining in my eyes, I tried cuddling further under my covers.
The sound of something falling though made me squint my eyes open.
I stared at the black leather seat in front of me for a good minute before I shot up into a sitting position.
Groaning loudly, I grabbed my head at the pounding inside of it.
"I'm gonna puke," I realized, my words slurred as I fumbled to get the seat in front of me up and the car door opened.
I didn't make it all the way and was only half out of the car when I started puking.
It was horrible...the taste, the smell, the burning... it made me throw up even more.
A hand brushed my hair out of my face as I was dry heaving with nothing else to throw up.
Spitting, I sat back in the car with a blinding headache and a disgusting taste in my mouth.
Blinking, I turned to look at Robert who was staring at me.
He looked like he always does... messy hair, wrinkled shirt.
The Alpha male turned from me and pulled his cell-phone out of his pocket, cursing lowly.
"I'm gonna run into the store real quick," his voice made my head ache all the more.
I wanted him to shut up but I didn't want to talk.
So I stayed silent and he got the message.
He shut the door softly behind him and I watched him walk into the 7-Eleven.
'Why were we here? Why were we sleeping in the car?'
Looking around for answers, the only thing in the car besides Robert's leather jacket was an empty bottle of alcohol.
The sight of it made me feel like I was going to puke again.
What the hell did we do last night?
Thinking back, I remember Robert yelling irritably at me as I tried driving his car.
I yelled back at him before giving up and letting him drive.
'I went to my first party... yes, I remember that... well... I remember some of it.'
I don't remember leaving or falling asleep in the back of Robert's car.
Werewolf parties were a lot crazier than the ones you see in movies.
My innocence had been tainted by the activities taking place.
Robert hadn't even blinked, like it was a normal everyday thing for him.
It probably is, we're talking about Robert here.
Everyone there was excited when he showed up but that wasn't surprising.
What was however, was how accepting everyone was of my presence.
I remember being dragged off by some girls wanting to take shots.
Oh Moon Goddess, I'm going to puke again.
Robert found me with my head hanging out the car's window in fear that I'd puke inside of it.
Plus the cool air felt good on my sweaty face.
I perked up some at the smell of greasy food.
"Here, take this."
He handed me a blue Gatorade with two Advil capsules.
I did as he said and continued sipping on the drink.
We didn't talk... Robert handed me pickles to eat before passing over a tray of cheese and chili nachos.
I don't know if they were really that good but in that moment they tasted like the best things I've ever eaten.
I moaned, stuffing the salty chips in my mouth.
Robert paused in eating his hamburger and pulled out his vibrating cell-phone.
Whoever it was, he ignore it and stuffed the phone back in his pocket.
"My dad keeps calling, something must be wrong," he said, starting up the car.
"I'll go with you," I said, too scared to go home and face my own parents who would know by now that I had snuck out.
Maybe I could say I was pup-napped.
I mean, someone did come through my window and persuaded me to come with them... Robby chuckled.
"Scared?" he asked.
I glared at him before stuffing another chip in my mouth.
I wanted to go back to sleep.
My body ached and I felt like I'd fallen down a flight of stairs.
"What exactly did we do last night?" I asked, looking out the window.
We weren't far from the pack house, just on the edge of town.
"Ugh..." Robby scratched his head, his brows pinched.
"We drunk, a lot."
"No shit," I said grumpily.
So far he wasn't telling me anything I hadn't already guessed.
"I don't really remember much?" he admitted.
"This morning I woke up and we were still parked in their driveway, so I drove to the gas station and fell asleep."
"What an amazing story to tell," I said sarcastically... Robert only chuckled.
The ride was quiet and I was thankful.
My head still hurt a little and my eyes were heavy.
I was nodding off when he pulled up to the pack house.
"Oh... fuck..." Robert said slowly.
I looked at him before looking at the house.
It looked like half the pack was standing outside, including the Alpha and Luna.
At the sight of Robert's car, they all turned towards us.
"Actually, I'd like to go home first," I said, looking past the pack members to the house covered in toilet paper.
"A little too late for that," Robby said.
I slipped down further into the seat when I spotted the Luna coming towards the car.
An expression on her face worse than when I knocked over her Grandfathers urn... it was downright frightening.
"Robert Lee Killian."
"We didn't do this, right?" I asked.
"No, definitely not... we were at a party," Robby didn't sound so sure and I was shaking by time the Luna pulled open the drivers side door.
"Hey mom, what happened?"
"What happened?" she screeched.
"Did you suddenly forget the house has security cameras?"
Oh... she was really mad... her face was turning red.
I flinched when her eyes leveled with mine.
"And you, you're in just as much trouble."
I felt like I was six again and wrote on Mom's counters with marker.
I refused to go into the kitchen for weeks after mom got to me.
"Mom, there's no way we could have done this," Robby said, looking between his Mom and the house.
Even the tree in the yard had toilet paper thrown over it and wrapped around the bottom.
"Get inside, both of you."
While we were getting out of the car I spotted the Alpha trying to hold back his laughter.
He wasn't doing such a good job.
Robert didn't look scared, though.... he looked as nonchalant as ever.
'This was all this fault. Why did he have to come knocking on my window?'
I did kind of agree to come with him but he took me to a party.
My mom's going to kill me if the Alpha doesn't.
The Luna led us into the Alpha's office and he came in after we'd sat down in front of the desk.
"Did you two have fun last night?" he asked, sitting down in front of us.
I stared at him with wide eyes, having never been in here before.
It was worse than being sent to the principals office.
When neither of us answered, he did something on his computer and turned the monitor towards us.
I watched the grainy footage of me carrying a huge package of toilet paper down the street before stumbling into the packs yard.
I fell over and landed on the package.
Robby walked into the footage laughing at me.
He even put his hands on his knees as if he'd seen the funniest thing ever.
The Alpha sped it up some and switched to a different camera that showed the front of the house where I threw the first roll of toilet paper.
The Alpha turned the video off and I looked up at him.
He started at me for all of a second before I started bawling.
Robert snickered from beside me and the Luna slapped him in the head.
"I'm sorry. Please don't kick me out of the pack," I pleaded through my tears.
"I promise it won't happen again. I'm never hanging out with Robert, ever again."
"I'm not kicking you out, Torin," Alpha said with a smirk.
"But both of you are going to go clean up your mess without any help."
I nodded, wiping my eyes and glaring at Robby so the Alpha couldn't see.
I wasn't kidding... I'm never hanging out with Robert Killian again.
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January 8th, 2024
I normally have a really hard time letting people cook for or with me.
This is because (1) I really enjoy cooking and I've been making 99% of my own meals since I was 9, so I just kinda go into a flow state. Often times it takes more effort for me to figure out tasks for other people to do than to just do them myself. That's also why I really love cooking massive, multiple-course meals for things like holidays. It's like a puzzle trying to complete all the steps for all the recipes at all the right times so the food is done when you need it to be, it reminds me of swimming where my mind is so full on the task that there isn't any room for any other thoughts. When I cook, my brain goes as quiet as when I take my (legally prescribed!) meth. (2) I have a really hard time accepting gifts/having people do things for me. This is a huge trap because I love gifts and having people do things, but I have to be tricked into it. I have to either not know until the very last moment or have 0 choice in the matter.
So, my boyfriend (who I've decided I will now start referring to as 'T' here) spent the night and told me he had a little day planned for us. This day included him planning and stressing a little too much over where/what we were going to have for breakfast. He liked my idea of french toast but then he started talking about who would have to go and get the ingredients, and how long it would take etc. etc., jokes on him I planned ahead and already had all of the ingredients.
Now, french toast is something that I have known how to make since I was really little. The woman who was a second mother to me would stand me up on a stool so I could help whisk the batter when I would have it for breakfast. I've made it hundreds of times, whereas T never has.
However, however, roughly 2ish months ago one of my roommates saw my dice and asked if I would teach her to play DnD. Long story short, I am now dming my first ever campaign with 100% new players including 4 of my roommates (the Australians, the Italian, and the other German-American) and the Australian's coworker the French.
I didn't think we'd get to play over break with all the different time zones, but we found one that would work. This meant starting bright and early for me specifically, and that I didn't have time to be any more of a control freak about breakfast besides hastily scrawling some instructions on a torn bit of paper for T.
The session was really fun despite me being underprepared (whoops lol), although I need to start enacting some consequences on Authentic Australian's halfling character because at a certain point, he physically cannot carry this much treasure. I also need to find a way to give Italian a win, because she just has absolutely horrible luck with dice rolls and I can tell she's not as engaged.
T and I shared the french toast after the game finished, and it was really good. One of the things I love about him is how good he is at making connections in his head. It creates the illusion that he's naturally good at most things he tries, but I know that the work is just happening at a faster speed than most people. After breakfast, we got ready to go see a movie. T has been wanting to see The Boy and the Heron for such a long time, and in particular, he was excited to see it with me.
He really, really loves anime and pretty much refuses to watch most live-action tv shows. This is a shame because most of my favorite tv shows are live-action and I don't really like anime. The one exception is Studio Ghibli. My parents would put on their movies in between episodes of Biene Maja (absolute banger) and recordings of Disney Channel (a glimpse into the lives of Real Americans) to placate me on long trips.
Growing up in Tokyo, my favourite thing was that you can turn a street corner from the most artificial place on the planet to a sacred bubble of nature. Watching Ghibli makes me feel like I'm sitting in the abandoned lot near our apartment that had become reclaimed with tall grass and wildflowers. It reminds me to look for the shrines on the side of the road.
He bought the tickets, I bought the popcorn. The theater was empty except for us. That night, I made roasted sweet potato and chickpea bowls with black rice, crispy kale, and hummus.
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august 7, 2023
i'm having trouble knowing how to start this. i haven't posted in awhile, but twenty hasn't been too horrible to me so far. it still feels weird to say that i'm twenty, but i'm starting to feel it -- just a bit. emphasis on just a bit. for this post, i wanted to write a bit about my love life. relatively non-existent, but there has been some movement in the past week or so. though probably not anymore. but i'm getting ahead of myself.
i've always been the type of person who loved love. or at least the idea of it. even as a child, i would always pick someone to have a crush on when the school year began. sometimes it would stick, and other times my eyes would move elsewhere. of course, because i'm me, i never confessed my feelings to any of them. but, there was a sort of safety and comfort in leaving it as just a crush. while i had always wanted to be in a relationship, they were sort of scary. unknown territory. still are! i've always been relatively non-committal; bored easy. for the short time i was in a relationship (8th grade, so i don't really count it), i almost immediately felt trapped. not because of him, it wasn't as if he was controlling or anything of the sort, but for whatever reason i felt bound to him. sort of suffocating, in a way. same goes for the girl i "dated" for three days (something i always try to put out of my mind) who was constantly texting me and being clingy. i guess i've always been the type to want my own space. to be left alone. and my eyes always move elsewhere after a certain amount of time. while i would never cheat, i can remember when i did have a boyfriend, i was already developing a crush on somebody else. after awhile, it was no longer exciting. i was bored. i'm still like this, in a way. not that i'd really know, considering i haven't ever been in a "real" relationship -- but still.
of course, a part of me is insecure that i had no dating experience in high school. or even a talking stage. there was one boy who liked me for awhile, and i even said 'yes' when he asked me out, but i didn't actually like him and broke up with him hours later. it simply felt nice being wanted. i liked "the chase" -- always have. this is a pretty horrible thing to admit, but it's the truth, and i can admit it because it's my private blog.
for me, the thought of dating someone, at first, is very exciting. i would love to. i want to do fun things, i want someone to love me, i want to be someone's 'special someone' and vice versa. however, then i really start to think about it and a weird feeling forms in my stomach. i don't understand it. i can't even explain the feeling because there are no words i can use to describe it. the thought that anyone could ever see me in a romantic and sexual manner is sort of unbelievable and horrifying. that's why i never know when it's the right time to 'date someone.' how long should the talking stage be for? rushing into things would give me anxiety, but waiting it out and not communicating with them "what we are" would also give me anxiety. i'm confusing like that.
most of all, i don't think anyone could love me unconditionally. both due to not feeling attractive enough; but also due to being an awkward person who is embarrassed constantly (over little things... or nothing). even if someone were to be interested, they'd get bored. just like i do.
i guess, at the moment, i just want to feel wanted. i want people to be attracted to me, and i want to be able to tell. i want to be the type of girl that is always remembered -- an enigma. of course, impossible for someone like me, but i can't help but want it. ironically enough, i even had a guy say to me "in a movie, you'd probably be the main character's best friend, with a really deep backstory." that made me feel great about myself (sarcasm). while it wasn't that serious, it's still something that made me think: what can i do to be more interesting? more cool? more memorable? nothing, probably.
even if i were to find someone i liked who liked me, and got into a relationship, i feel like i'd never be able to TRULY be myself. the song 'trying 2 fool u' by remo drive sort of encapsulates these feelings:
i've been laying on the floor trying to keep cool
i've been licking off the dust, trying to fool you
i've always struck myself as someone who's uncomfortable
[...]
i've always struck myself as someone who's impossible
waving at the sky
i wanted to let go, i didn't want to say goodbye
although i know this probably isn't the meaning of the song, i feel like i'll always be 'fooling' someone, at least initially. i feel like, no matter how hard i try, nobody will see the real me. it scares me to be that vulnerable. i open up easily, but not about things that really scare me. so, by 'fooling' i mean not showing my true self, the parts of me that aren't the prettiest. it's hard to explain, but i'm not sure i will ever find someone who will be patient enough with me to get comfortable. i don't think i deserve anyone's patience because i don't feel pretty enough (to deserve it). it's incredibly difficult for me to explain, but since i don't consider myself pretty, i feel like i have to be perfect in all aspects. if i'm not pretty, there has to be another valid reason to date me. pretty girls can be weird/strange, clumsy, quiet. they can complain and express their wants. on the other hand, i can't. i can't complain because i'm only being dated because i'm a people-pleaser. once i am no longer that, there is no other reason to love me. i'm only being dated because i always have self-control, never express my feelings. once i do open up, cry, complain, get angry -- that's it. there is no other reason for someone to stay with me. and the list goes on. i know it sounds irrational and strange, but i'm trying to explain it in the best way i can. basically: since i'm not pretty, i cannot have any other faults.
i'm not going to be editing/re-reading this, so it may be written strangely, so let's hope i don't sound absolutely confusing.
anyway. those are pretty much my feelings on love and relationships. i want it, but i also don't. but, mostly, i do want it. it just seems impossible for me to obtain, especially in this day and age. whenever i see a cute couple, or hear about my friend's relationships, a part of me wonders: why can't that ever be me? why can't something special and exciting like that happen to me? when is it my turn to be happy?
insert never had no one ever by the smiths because i am corny like that.
(slight NSFW) my inexperience with dating, sex, etc, is also probably an extreme turn-off for most people. most people were in relationships in high school, early college, etc. now that i'm a junior in college, i feel so inexperienced and embarrassed. i'm the type of person that needs to be good at things immediately; and the fact that i probably won't be good at kissing, any form of sex, etc is quite honestly humiliating. but there's no way to practice. and so if i ever do potentially meet someone, and want to go to that level with them, i'll have to explain that i've never done this before. how disappointing for them. i like to please, and when i can't, i get awkward and nervous. but, of course, i can't imagine myself ever getting to that point anyway. the thought of any form of sex scares me. not in a normal way, but more-so in a 'i'm insecure about my body' sort of way. how could anyone be sexually attracted to me? what if they aren't turned on? what if they realize i'm not what they expected? so many 'what-if's' and no answers.
but anyway. changing the subject, the reason i wrote this entry was to describe a situation that occurred almost a week ago. a good one! which is probably surprising after all this pessimism about love. i kissed someone for the second time and it was the most magical kiss of experienced so far -- of course, i'm putting it dramatically, considering i've only been kissed by one other person.
i'm not going to retell the story in full detail, but i met up with someone for a date in a different country while on vacation -- a one time thing, obviously -- as a spontaneous, adventurous thing (trying to push myself!) and it went incredibly well. the type of thing i'll probably remember forever. not because i'm madly in love with this person or anything, but simply because of the experience overall.
it was a nice date for the most part. of course, because i'm me, there were some things that i felt insecure about, but overall it was great. there was a sort of freedom in realizing this was a one-time thing, and i could really do whatever i wanted and likely never see him again. obviously, i didn't do anything actually "crazy", but i did kiss him. and enjoyed it. it was fun! i was awkward, of course, and unsure. i kept stalling. but he was very understanding and patient, maybe he even found it cute. the most exciting part was that i liked it more than my first kiss (but anything could be better than that!) and he seemed to enjoy it too. like, actually. genuinely. don't ask how i know. it was such an exhilirating feeling. i'm wanted! i'm wanted! he likes me! he thinks i'm pretty! and he's CUTE? how could a cute guy ever want me...
it boosted my ego maybe just a bit. i can't help it. i know, i know, male-validation is a killer. i know there's something much deeper here than simply wanting him to want me, but for a second i just want to stop those thoughts and feel excited about it. considering my non-existent love life, this whole experience with him felt pretty movie-esque. while it may have been normal for anyone else, it was just so special for me. not just because of the kiss, but just being able to get comfortable with someone like that. while i was awkward initially (no surprise), i grew more comfortable and less embarrassed (remember- everything is embarrassing to me), and i think he liked that. maybe i'm looking through rose-colored glasses, and things were not actually this magical, but whatever. i am still so excited i had this experience. even if nothing came out of it, it made me feel confident for a second, and it was fun and exciting. despite not seeming like it, i always have wanted to simply have fun and be adventurous.
of course, knowing me, there was a bit of overthinking and anxiety after the fact. i might have ruined the moment a little bit when he said something that made me feel insecure, and i felt the need to tell him. basically, he said to me: "i didn't think we'd get this far." which made me feel sensitive -- i don't think i am the type of girl who would kiss or get handsy on the first date. but this was a 'first and last date' sort of deal. so of course i was going to kiss a cute guy i'd never see again. anyway, i told him this. it felt like he was insinuating i was being "easy" and i hated that feeling. while there is nothing wrong with that, it's still looked down upon by most people. and as a woman, i wouldn't want to be seen that way. fortunately, he was pretty understanding, explaining that he mostly had just said it because he was happy i'd gotten comfortable enough to do anything with him. and that if anyone was the 'easy' one, it was him. whether this was true or not, i took his word and things were fine after that. it's not a big deal, but just something i felt i needed to mention in this entry. i'm stupidly sensitive.
i don't know what he was expecting to get out of me, but it went no farther than kissing (of course). perhaps he wanted more than that, and had wanted that since the beginning, but i'm going to be oblivious to the fact. for once, i'm going to recognize that i actually don't know what he was thinking and never will... so why overthink it? it's not that easy, and even writing this i'm thinking more deeply about the things i did and said (and cringing), but i'm going to try not to.
overall, as i've said multiple times, i am very happy with myself for going through with this date. because it was fun. it made me feel confident, even if it was just for a moment. unfortunately for me, this only lasted for a bit, which was unsurprising. male-validation only lasts for so long when you're insecure. i was trying not to overthink things, but i couldn't help but think... "why would he like me?" and "i think he's out of my league." it didn't help that i saw some horrendous photos taken of me. the bliss i felt was over. it felt nice while it lasted, but those feelings of ugliness and being unwanted came back soon enough. was he pitying me? because why would someone like him kiss someone like me. he was far too attractive for me. and the insecure thoughts go on...
i can't help it.
while i'm feeling a bit better now, those thoughts will probably continue to linger as i start to think about dating. it's all i ever think about. having a face so unlovable. i wish i had a face that could be loved -- adored. found beautiful. but, until i believe it, i won't ever realize if someone actually does. which i suppose is some sort of progress -- admitting to myself that i am insecure, and that perhaps this is all in my head, that my ugliness is not as bad as i thought and the little things i notice about myself are not noticed by others. but, of course, as of now, i can't believe that fully.
and so, those are my feelings on love at the moment. of course, i could go more in-depth, but i think that's all i have for now. despite my insecurities and nervousness about dating, deep down i do want to love and to be loved. is it possible for someone like me, though?
i hope soon the day will come that someone will find me special, beautiful, lovable. i hope soon it'll my turn to "be happy." i hope soon i'll be in the type of relationship that, now, i am envious of. i hope, i hope. but will i make it happen? that's the only question. despite wishing it wasn't the case, i also have to put in effort.
ending this, i'll leave some songs that give me some hope for love, or at least i can relate to:
everybody wants to love you - japanese breakfast
(everybody wants to love you) / everybody wants to love you
hate yourself - tv girl
you'd fall in love with anyone / i think you'd fall in love with anyone / who fell in love with you / and they frequently do
lloyd, i'm ready to be heartbroken - camera obscura
hey lloyd, i'm ready to be heartbroken / 'cause i can't see further than my own nose at this moment
andromeda - weyes blood
find a love that will make you / i dare you to try
[...]
i'm ready to try / treat me right / i'm still a good man's daughter
i want you to love me - fiona apple
i want somebody to want / and i want, what i want, and i want / you to love me
spit on a stranger - pavement
honey i'm a prize and you're a catch / and we're a perfect match
cupid - alexandra savior
filled in a hole in the road, we were speaking in code / stuck in fantasy mode
[...]
i forgot how i ought to feel / it's a whole lot to hold back, you know that cupid shoots to kill
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venom: let there be carnage is a very rare example of the people behind a movie knowing exactly what the audience wants to see and actually giving it to us
#we're going on two days of my thoughts being nothing but venom y'all good times#i don't know if i've ever been this excited for a movie that didn't horribly disappoint me??#tom and andy if ur reading this thank u i love u#venom#text posts#my posts#october 2021#venom let there be carnage#venom 2#n:500#n:1k
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Right everyone hold on to your feels, you will shortly be boarding Angst Express 101. Just look at this brilliant and angsty ask I'm speechless. Even the pairings you asked for are so unique and well thought this is a perfect angst concept. And I really hope I could do this justice. Thank you so much for this ask @saltypaperdestiny
So very sorry for the delay, this was the longest ask I've ever written and boy was I delighted. Though I have to admit I had to cry through some of them myself. This is PART 1. Rest of the brothers and the newly Dateables coming soon in part 2.
Who loved you first? Pt1
Lucifer : Simeon
It was time, he decided. After months of being in your presence, his prideful heart had melted enough to recognise his feelings for you. You were the only he'd truly humble down for, because the affection and care you displayed was unparalled.
"MC please get dressed in something nice. I'm taking you to Ristorante Six as a thank you for helping me with Cerebus and the council paperwork" He says to you, barely containing the excitement. He couldn't wait to see the look on your face when he confessed and how you'd blush when you kissed your knuckles and your cheek and wait - What is Simeon doing in your room at this hour?
He didn't want to interrupt, surely it might be nothing to bother about. He patiently waited outside until he heard what Simeon said.
Simeon: MC... You look beautiful, what's the occasion?
MC: Aw thank you Simeon. You're always so kind. It's nothing much, Lucifer is taking me out as a thank you.
Simeon: Oh do you have to leave right away...?
MC: Oh no no. It's okay I have some more time.
Simeon: Well I originally came here to invite you to try Luke's latest attempt at some new recipes but now there's something else I feel like I must tell you. *Blushes* Something I've been holding back for too long.
MC: *joking* Oh what have you been hiding from me, angel? Speak I beseech you!
Simeon: *laughing and then going solemn* MC... *Takes your hands in his* I love you. I love you with all my heart.
MC: ....me? You love..me? But I'm not nearly-
Simeon: You're the most beautiful soul I've ever met. You radiate kindness and forgiveness and everything pure, overcoming the seven biggest evils you reside with. How can I not love you? Tell me, MC, will you accept me as yours?
Lucifer had a half a mind to storm in and laugh in Simeon's face. What a failure this attempt was going to be. His pride grew inside him as he stifled a laugh. MC was his and only his and now he would take pleasure in watching Simeon learn that. Surely MC was going to turn him down nicely but still. He creeped closer to the door, looking through the open crack.
MC: *in tears* Oh Simeon, I love you too! I never thought an angel could ever love me back!
Simeon: *kisses her knuckles* So... It's a yes?!
MC: Yes yes yes! Oh of course it's a yes! *Hugs him tight* My guardian angel who protects me in the dark, oh how I love you.
Simeon: *laughing as he picks you up and spins you around* Oh how happy you've made me MC! I'm the happiest being alive!
MC: *kissing his cheek* So am I, Simeon. I love you with all my heart.
It took Lucifer all his strength to not collapse or go into a violent frenzy. He balled up his fists so tight, the gloves started tearing at the seams. He watched you smiling so gleefully in his arms, looking so radiant. When Simeon dipped his head down to kiss you, the moonlight poured in through the window as if blessing your union.
It was supposed to be him. If only he made it to your room sooner, it could have been him. Embracing all your beauty, being the cause of the shining smile. IT COULD HAVE BEEN HIM.
At his best
"Are you really that happy with him?" he asks you later that night. The blush on your cheeks and that cheeky smile says it all.
"Congratulations MC." You look so joyous even at the thought of Simeon, how could he ruin that?
His temper is worse, more unforgiving towards all his brothers. He has to bear with your absence in the house all day. The fact that he knows you're at Purgatory hall, sipping tea and arm in arm with him pains him to think.
You bring Simeon along to the council to help him too. He outright denies and asks both of you to leave.
He only ever feels calm to see you alone, but that is even rarer with his brothers around to hog his remaining time.
Eventually makes his peace with it, maybe you're better off with someone as pure as yourself than a demon like him.
At his worst
His wrath is back. It's almost bad enough to birth another Satan. His sense of entitlement is through the roof.
He snaps three weeks later when Simeon and you tell everyone about it and decide that you'll be moving to Purgatory hall soon. Everyone claps and rejoices while Lucifer, drunk off Demonus, crashes the fun.
"Simeon, you dirty cheat, pretending to be all pure with your white wings and devious smile. How dare you?!" He says in calm and deadly rage.
"Lucifer... what's wrong-" You approach him to ask. He looks at you and you see the little tears in the corners.
"MC WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MINE THAT NIGHT. MINE. NOT YOURS. THE ONLY BEING THAT CAME CLOSE ENOUGH TO STEAL MY HEART AND YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME."
Lucifer was louder now, hysterically angry, throwing his glass on the floor. "AND I KNOW THEY WOULD HAVE PICKED ME IF I GOT TO THEM FIRST! I LOVED THEM TOO DAMNIT." Simeon stood in front of you to protect you from Lucifer's rage. You hid your face in your hands, breaking down in sobs. What is happening? Where did you go wrong?
"Look at them, Lucifer. Look. At. What. You've. Done. And don't tell you've forgotten how many times you've threatened their lives before." Simeon said, holding you tight as you cried into his chest. "How dare you still feel like you deserve them?"
Lucifer sees you broken down, clutching onto Simeon for dear life, crying. You were smiling just a minute ago what has he done? Simeon blocked off his view with his pearly white wings. A reminder of what Lucifer used to be and cannot be again.
Mammon: Asmodeus
You were his human. And he was your first demon. No one was more territorial about you than him. So he finally made up his mind to seal the deal. No more lying about his feelings. He was going to claim you, once and for all. He imagined you smiling and running your hands through his hair and kissing him returning his feelings.
"MC! I brought the movie of the day!" He barged into your room excited, but you were nowhere to be found. Where could you have gone? It was your movie night with him. You were supposed to be waiting for him inside. He asked his brothers and they said you were with Asmo. He stomped his way up to Asmo's room and called out your name. No response. Not till he peeked inside the dark washroom. You were holding Asmo who looked very unstable and weak, sitting at the side of the bath.
MC: Asmo why don't you listen to me when I tell you not to drink so much!?
Asmo: I'm sorry MC *hic* I needed it today...
MC: Why? What's so scary that you don't have the confidence to do sober?
Asmo: MC do you think I look beautiful?
MC: Of course Asmo, you always do.
Asmo: Even with my runny make up, red nose and swollen eyes and this horrible complexion?
MC: *grabs his face* You're always beautiful to me MC.
Asmo: I...I stopped sleeping around MC. I couldn't do it anymore. *tearing up* Because to them, I'm only beautiful with a perfect covered up face.
MC: Asmo...they're blind and shallow demons who don't know anything! I know you, and I know how much more beautiful you are inside out. Don't listen to them.
Asmo feeling insecure about his appearance? What a big fat lie. Is this his new ploy to get to you? How irritating. It's not going to work, Mammon knows you're smarter than that. The Avatar of Lust can manipulate in many ways. Surely his human was smart enough to see through that!
Asmo: MC, I knew you were the one only who truly loved me. And today, I found the one I love too. Much more than I love myself. So I needed a drink to tell you this.
MC: Asmo...
Asmo: *holding your face gently* MC you saw past this pretty face. You saw the things I do more than what I am. Or what I pretend to be. I know it's hard to believe coming from the Avatar of Lust... But MC, I truly really love you. *looks down and sobs* But you probably can't believe me right?
MC: Asmo. Look at me. *You run your fingers through his hair and he looks up with teary eyes* I believe you. And I've loved you too. You're the only one who never hurt me. The one who willingly made a pact with me. You've been so sweet to me since I came. How could I love anyone else?
Asmo: MC I want you all to myself. Will you be mine? Only mine? I swear I'll keep you happy always!
MC: Of course Asmo. I'll all yours. I'm your little human. *giggling and kissing his head*
Asmo: *grabs and kisses you* MC, if you want, I can be your actual first tonight.
Mammon fell to his knees. He wanted to barge in and scream. He wanted to wrestle Asmo to the ground. He wanted to break his face for saying the words that were special to him and you. But your response had him paralysed. You...accepted him. You agreed to be his.
Silent tears streamed down his face as he watched you embracing Asmo, peppering kisses all over his face, running your hands through his hair, laughing and frolicking in the water with him. The colored moonlight through the stained glass danced on their skin like a scene from his favourite movie.
At his best
He cries to himself for days. Spends as much time outside as he can.
Maybe he is an idiot for thinking he had a chance with him. How could he compete with Asmo's charms.
Maybe it hurt more because Asmo didn't even have to use his charms.
Only ever tries to talk to you if he's sure your alone. One time he barged into your room and caught you and Asmo tangled up together and it broke him all over again.
He watched as you twirled around in a new outfit Asmo bought. He scoffs. He could have bought it for you too.
You both look so cheerful and in love, he decides to accept it. For the sake of his little brother and the human he loves.
At his worst
Breaks down and lets his emotions out in the worst way possible. Too desperate to win you back somehow.
Asmo and you were just telling Solomon and Simeon about your relationship when Mammon barged in through the doors of Purgatory halls.
"MC look! Look what I got you!" He came in all ragged. He knelt down and pulled out a ring. "Take me instead! I was your first wasn't I MC? Don't let him take my place please!"
"Mammon no... No please don't be this way...I'm sorry..." You kneel down next to him as he screams and sobs like a child. You feel guilty. You caused this. You lead him on. You fight your own tears as you keep apologising.
Asmo yanks you up and wraps his arms around you, staring down angrily at Mammon. "Mammon, leave."
Mammon lunged at Asmo. "I was going to tell them. That night was our movie night. You stole that night from me. YOU STOLE MY CHANCE AND MY MC!"
Asmo mocked at him with a sardonic laugh. "You still assume MC is yours without even telling them. You kept lying about your feelings and hurting them in the process. And yet, when they finally look happy, you come and make them cry. You are a scumbag Mammon."
Mammon looked at your tear stained face, nestled inside Asmo's arms and wings. He really felt like nothing but a scumbag.
Leviathan : Belphegor
Levi fell in love with you since your first act of kindness. As a shut-in whose only conversations were with his own eccentric and dismissive brothers, you were an angel who had brought him the gift of true companionship. Honestly he was okay being your best friend, until the day he started craving more. So he decided it was time to tell you.
'MC come to my room! I have a new game to show you!' It was a virtual dating game where he was going to confess digitally. You always loved his creative ways of doing simple stuff after all. He decided to play your favourite game while waiting for you. He even left the door ajar. Now he wished he didn't.
Belphie: MC do you have a minute?
MC: Yeah I was just heading to Levi's room what's up?
Belphie: I think I fallen in love with you, MC.
MC: .... Huh?
Levi almost burst out laughing hearing Belphie's confession. What kind of a bland confession is that? How can someone say that so easily? No that was definitely a joke on MC or something. Surely MC wouldn't take this seriously.
Belphie: I had a dream just now. About you.
MC: Uh huh?
Belphie: In that dream, we were up in the sky, among the stars. And you looked so pretty glittering along with them all. So I kissed you impulsively. And you kissed me back.
MC: ...that's a sweet dream. *blushes*
Belphie: *takes your hand* I woke up and my first thougt was I wish that was real. And then I realised it can be.
MC: ...
Belphie: I want to be able to kiss you always. I want to be able to take you far away. I want all your time. I love you MC. Be mine.
MC: Belphie I-
Belphie: I know, how can you possibly love your own murderer...? *Sighs* I cannot undo what I did. I'm sorry MC. I can only swear that I won't ever let that happen again.
MC: *smiles and cups his face* You were locked away for 3 millenia I can imagine your endless anger and grief for your sister. I forgave you long ago.
Belphie: So does that mean you'll accept me?
MC: You're already mine, silly. And now I'm yours. You're the only one I can relax with in the whole realm.
Belphie: MC... Come here. *holds you close and kisses you*
Levi's game screen displayed the message "GAME OVER: You lose". Levi couldn't see it clearly. His vision was blurred by the tears brimming on his eyes. You and Belphie looked to distant shadows on the moon.
He blamed himself for even thinking he had a chance with you. But maybe just...maybe if he had gotten there before? He stared at the screen and then at his spare console that he had declared yours. He picked up it, and locked it inside. Probably won't be needing it anytime soon.
At his best
He barely comes out of his room anymore. He tries to return your smile at breakfast but then returns hurriedly, leaving Beel to finish most of his food.
"Are you sure you want to play games? Wouldn't you rather go up to the attic" He mutters under his breath sometimes and then says it's nothing when you ask him.
Pains him when he sees you curled with Belphie in random places, dozing off. Might cover you with a blanket. Just you though.
Spites Belphie. A lot of people have said they look and act alike. But somehow you like sleeping more than anime and gaming?
Just accepts it as his fate. Atleast he's still your best friend, right?
At his worst
He's called the Avatar of Envy for a reason. He can barely hold it in seeing the both of you together constantly.
Belphie you and Beel were having a jolly time watching a movie and eating snacks while Belphie slept curled up in your lap. Levi happened to walk in while you were rubbing Belphie's head soothingly.
For some reason, Levi couldn't hold it in anymore. "UGH YOU FUCKING NORMIES!" he screamed out of frustration.
Belphie woke up drowsily when you stopped at stared at Levi holding back tears in the doorway. "Levi..what's wrong.." you call out to him.
He barges in and pushes Belphie off you and grabs your hands, tears falling and him screaming. "Why do you care, MC?! I'm a just disgusting shut in otaku right?! But guess what even as that I do more than just sleep and drool all fucking day! AND MORE IMPORTANTLY ATLEAST IM NOT THE ONE WHO KILLED YOU! So why him? WHY NOT ME MC?!"
"Levi...no..." You plead with him to calm down, tearing up yourself. You should have known. You should have known this would happen.
Belphie violently pushed Levi off you and grabbed him by the collar. "You were the first one to attack MC in this house. And I'm sure you would have killed them if not for Lucifer. So stop pretending you're better than me, you ridiculous creep. A shut in like you is worthless. The only thing you're good at is making MC distressed."
Levi looked at you trying to pull Belphie back, tears streaming down your face and hung his head low. It was simply an Otome game and MC didn't choose him.
Satan: Solomon
Satan took his time to fall. With late night studying session, every cat cafe date, every trip to the museum - he fell more and more each time. To the point where he wanted to spend every waking moment with you. And he was ready to tell you.
For a whole week, he kept writing and scrapping the perfect love letter for you. Then he realised you were someone who preferred simple honesty. "MC please wait for me in the library I'll be there shortly." He'd said before he dashed out to bring a boquet of your favourite flowers and a book which reminded him of you. He'd almost made it to the library, he saw you waiting inside for him eagerly. That was until someone flew in through the window.
Solomon? What's he doing at this hour? Satan peeked in through the half open library door. He wanted to be alone with you so he'd wait till Solomon was gone. He shouldn't have waited.
MC: Solomon! You scared me silly!
Solomon: *laughing* Your face just now MC...so adorable! Like a scared kitten!
MC: You wooshed in through the window!
Solomon: Okay okay my bad. Now what are you doing in the library so late at night. I went to your room and couldn't find you.
MC: Oh Satan called me out here. Told me to wait for him. Maybe there's a new book he wants to read.
Solomon: Do you guys do that often? Reading books this late?
MC: Haha yeah usually we just read in my room or his at night, in case we fall asleep.
Solomon: *sigh* So unfair.
MC: What's unfair?
Solomon: You and I are the only humans here. Why did they put us in different houses? Shouldn't we... be together more often?
MC: Well logically yes we should. Just classes and magic lessons aren't enough! You should live here too!
Solomon: I doubt Lucifer would be okay with that. But well.. here's the real reason I'm here now. *brings out a little basket*
MC: That's...that's a kitten! Hi baby! What's her name!?
Solomon: MC.
MC: Yeah what?
Solomon: No I named the kitten MC. This way I get to call your name as much as I want haha. The silly things us humans do for love, huh?
Satan had a sick feeling in his stomach. Watching you and him sitting in the moonlight, surrounded by books, cuddling a kitten and confessing...that should be him. Him not Solomon. He didn't like where this was heading. But just like you can't help but stare at disaster - he couldn't look away. What was MC going to say...?
MC: Solomon... *blushes*
Solomon: Does my affection scare you? *reaches for your hand*
MC: Of course not...I.. *gets closer and intertwining your fingers together*
Solomon: Is this your way of showing-
MC: *blushes* Yes. I love you too.
Solomon: I believe I've lived for a 1000 years just to hear those words. *kisses you against the bookshelves*
MC: I believe you've gotten 1000 years worth of romantic lines stored away in that head of yours. *Laughs and kisses him back*
Solomon: Let's take this to the moon shall we?
Satan watched as he took you and kitten in his arms and flew out the window. Satan rushed in not wanting to lose sight of you, dropping the flowers and books. Balling his fists, he choked on his angry tears as he watched you both laughing and kissing against the bright light of the moon. He felt like his own happy ending was stolen from him.
When you disappeared from view, he let out a blood curdling scream, pulling at his own hair and knocking over the bookshelf against which Solomon kissed you. The wrath inside him made him thrashing around in pain, burning him inside out. The flowers he dropped, lay there next to his sobbing body, wilting in his pain.
At his best
He manages to put on his best fake smile and go about his day. Tries hard to hide his annoyance if you bring him up.
But you seem so happy and you often invite him to new cat cafes and shelters. So despite Solomon's presence, he feels calm because of you and the cats.
Is secretly happy you get to spend more time with him than Solomon. Takes advantage of that and hogs you all to himself while in the house
While he can't hold or kiss you the way the Solomon does, you're here next to him, reading his recommended books. That's enough to soothe his yearning heart.
At his worst
The war for love is on. He doesn't care if Solomon already won. He will still declare his love no matter what.
It started out as subtle, he did what he knew Solomon couldn't. Cooking MC's favourite dishes whenever it was his turn to cook.
Tries to subtly reinforce his intelligence over Solomon when you're around. What's 1000 years of knowledge worth, Satan has been there since the first millenia ever
But the day Solomon and you announced you'll be moving to Purgatory Hall, he charged at him, his demon form angry and glowing. "How dare you think you can take them away from us? You think you can win against us... against me? You may have taken my chance with them but I won't let you take them away! They belong here with me!"
You inched closer to Satan's form. You'd never seem him this angry. "Satan please calm down-" Satan wasn't listening. He let out a feral growl and attacked Solomon.
Solomon held MC by his side and made a protection shield Satan couldn't get through. You started crying, watching his wrath take over, he must be in so much pain.
Solomon felt you curl up against him in fear and guilt. Gritting his teeth, he grabbed Satan by the scruff of his neck, like you'd do with a misbehaving cat.
"You say you want to protect them and yet look what you did instead." Solomon said. Satan looked helplessly at you, crying with your face buried in your hands. Glancing at his horns in the mirror, he called out to you sadly, "MC..."
Solomon creeped closer and said in a deadly low voice. "You love fairy tales right Satan? Well in the story of Beauty and the Beast, they could only be together because the beast was actually a human." And Satan was far from being a human.
Asmo : Mammon
It happened the day Asmo looked into the mirror and felt something missing. Suddenly his own reflection wasn't enough anymore. He pondered what it was when you happened to walk into his room and hug him from behind. And then he found the missing piece. You. He simply had to make sure you would become a part of him now.
Now contrary to popular belief, he did get nervous while thinking of proposing. This man is all about lust and a little kid when it comes to love. It's a whole new emotion and he's unsure how to deal with it. With some advice from Satan's romance books he lights your room up with candles, groomed himself perfectly, waiting for you to return to your room. Only you don't come. "What's taking MC so long?!"
He headed out and found you in Mammon's room instead. Asmo saw in the reflection off the mirror, Mammon's shirt off and him lying on his front as you poured ointment over his scars.
Mammon: Oi MC please don't be so upset...
MC: You didn't deserve this. You didn't. I did.
Mammon: MC, not again.
MC: You took my punishment. You took the blame for the broken vase for my sake.
Mammon: I didn't want ya getting hurt ya stupid human!
MC: Don't be calling me stupid and then go off doing stupid stuff yourself! *cries*
Mammon: MC...no don't cry. Please I'm sorry.
MC: Don't apologize for this! Mammon you're too kind... You keep taking blame for others, and the others just UGH.
Mammon: I've gotten used to Lucifer's punishments, MC! I'm more used to it than my brothers so I can take it!
MC: .... You're such a sweet big brother. You can't stop protecting the people you love, can you?
Mammon: *turns around to lie on his back* Now you get why I need to protect ya, don't ya?
Asmo's eyes flew open as did yours. Mammon just confessed to you. Albeit indirectly, but really did. But he felt pity for his older brother. Sure he was caring and sweet sometimes, but mostly he was a thief and a scumbag who constantly gets into trouble. He didn't stand a chance against Asmo's charms.
MC: Mammon... You silly demon. I love you too. *Lays their head on his chest*
Mammon: *blushes and coughs* Of course ya love the Great Mammon, human!
MC: *smiles against his skin* Swear to me, you won't ever do that again else I will fight Lucifer myself!
Mammon: *smiles* He's attacked ya thrice and yer face still loses its colour whenver he's around and yet yer thinking of fighting him for my sake, MC?
MC: OF COURSE!
Mammon: But I don't want that. Ya did too much for all of us when ya sacrificed your life to bring Belphie back. I should know, I held ya in my arms. *Tears up* Ya know ye were smiling still?? So calm and undisturbed as if ya didn't care what happens to ya now that all the brothers are together?
MC: You caught me...
Mammon: And I never want to catch ya like that again, get that human!? I will be a good protector as I was meant to be.
MC: Mammon... you're far too kind to be a demon. *Kisses him and gets on top of him*
Mammon: *grips their arms and holds them close* Stay with me tonight.
Asmo watched as you nodded and took off your top and lay down over him again, your skins in gentle and intimate contact and you both wrap your arms around and you presses kisses onto each other. The moonlight danced on your entangled bodies.
He stared and stared, his insides burning with an alien feeling. He hadn't known envy till you came along. His signature move would be to call both of you out and suggest a threesome, but what you both seemed to have was impenetrable. And in the mirror where he saw your reflections, he couldn't see himself.
At his best
This demon had never known love. He might have if Mammon hadn't decides to confess that very night.
But who cares? What's done is done. It's time to root for the both of you. He still has his followers to turn to.
"Mammon finally confessed huh?" He asked jokingly. Until he saw you blush and nod.
"You both must have fun together huh?" He says with a dry laugh.
Your hugs and headpats still keep him going. He takes you buy new dresses knowing it's to impress Mammon instead.
Tries so hard to conceal his tears and tantrums around you. He doesn't want to lose the small part of you that he had left.
At his worst
He cannot stay home. The sight of you both together makes him irritated and stressed both very bad for his skin.
He drinks and parties uncontrollably, bringing home demons and succubi that always seem to resemble you.
One night, Lucifer had enough and caught him by the collar, forbidding him to go to his room. Asmo giggled until Mammon and you showed up.
He swiftly escaped Lucifer's grasp and lunged at you, holding your face between his trembling hands. You look at him closely, his make up was messier than usual, the cresent underneath his eyes was darker than usual.
"MC...look at me. Look at only me. Just for a little while." Asmo said and his eyes glowed. He'd turned on his charm on full force as he leaned into you for a kiss.
Mammon pushed him back and stood before you protectively. Asmo fell back, laughing like a maniac. "Stupid Mammon they are with you out of pity! How long do you think you can make them stay with that stupid brain and sub par beauty?"
You teared up and screamed, "Asmo stop saying things like that! You dont even know anything about him!" Mammon hugged you tight, trying to calm you down.
And then in a lowly growl he said, "Asmo don't let me see ya laying a finger on MC again. Ya would see how people really see ya if you learnt to look away from your own reflection!"
But Asmo did. He did look away from his reflection. He looked at you. Only you didn't look back at him.
Keep reading Pt. 2
#obey me angst#obey me heavy angst#obey me headcanon#obey me headcannons#obey me angst headcanon#obey me Lucifer#obey me Mammon#obey me Levi#obey me Leviathan#obey me Satan#obey me Asmo#obey me Asmodeus#obey me Simeon#obey me Solomon#obey me belphie#obey me belphegor#obey me MC
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Hey Vy! 📚🌻 Anon here, once again!
I'm so happy that you missed the 3 word challenge cause I missed reading it! It is such a good way to deal with writers block, for example.
Okay so, recently I've watched the Korea tv show Round 6 (also called squid game), and I've watched the 3 seasons of NBC Hannibal.
I do recommend both for you to watch but be careful cause there is a lot of blood, murder, organs, canibalism (in Hannibal)(Not raw tho), so if you have a weak stomach or just don't like it, it may not be the show for you. (But Hannibal have canon gay so we forgive).
Since Im deeply inspired by this two shows, today you will have a 5 word challenge, inspired somehow by something in the show! (Ps: i chose to not put "graphic words" cause I don't know what you are comfortable or not writing, so i didn't put words like canibalism or murder)
The words are: Beloved, Becoming, Mongoose, Debt and VIP.
Unnecessary explanation of the words that I chose (you can skip this 🤧):
Beloved: Reference to Hannibal (main character in the tv show Hannibal), cause he calls Will beloved sometimes.
Becoming: Reference to Hannibal. Basically Will (main character) will throughout the show become a murder, and Hannibal refers to that as his Becoming. Hannibal also uses that word as in a reference to Will being free and himself. (Being a murder and being true to yourself is pretty much the same thing here).
Mongoose: Reference to Hannibal. That's how will is called by Hannibal sometimes. So cute <3
Debt: reference to Squid Game. Every character is in a deep debt.
VIP: Reference to Squid Game. VIP are really important and rich (also disgustingly horrible people), and they kind of fund the game.
If you made this far, here's a cool music indication: "Black butterflies and deja Vu" by The Maine
That's it! Bye Vy! Sorry for writing too much, <3!
SQUID GAME YOU SAY!!! - Sorry for the caps but I got really excited 😂 Although I haven't seen Hannibal (I'll take your recommendation for it, for sure!) I have seen and I'm OBSESSED with Squid Game. Thank you so much for your five word challenge, I've really missed doing this!
I will most definitely write a Squid Game fic in the future but as of now I’m gonna turn to my new obsession - Ari Aster horror movies! Enjoy!
Shadows
Peter Graham [Hereditary (2018)] x Estra Davis (Female OC)
Warnings: SPOILERS for the movie Hereditary, Disturbing Content regarding demons, possession, Death, Mentioned Deaths, Demonology, Swearing, Injuries, Mentions of blood and gore, Mentions of Mental illness
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Estra Davis stares down at her phone screen which displays an incoming call from her ‘business partner’, Damian Louis who she hasn’t heard from in weeks and she’s most certainly not in the mood to be hearing from him right now as she awaits entrance into her sister’s room in the psych ward where she’s resided for the past five years following what happened to her and her family all those years ago. Their lives got turned upside down in a flash of misfortune that no one expected nor was able to put an end to. A misfortune so terrible and crippling, it has left Estra and Deres as the only remaining members of the Davis family. Well, their parents aren’t dead, they’re in prison where they’re serving a life sentence. However, their younger brother Brian who was only seven at the time had his life cut short so brutally and cruelly which is what put Deres in the mental state she’s in.
Estra is not holding up the best she’s ever been, but she’s pulling it together as much as she can. She’s holding onto reality, stubbornly building a wall between her and her mind every time her trauma breaks through the previous one. She cannot afford to end up like her older sister.
A nurse offers her a polite smile and a nod as she gestures for Estra to follow her to Deres’ room the door to which is opened to let air inside and allow the disheveled shell of the girl that she used to be hear some voices to remind her she’s alive. It’s a sight that’s so painful to see, Estra has had to hold back the need to puke many times in the past.
The nurse leaves the two alone, reminding the younger girl what button to press in case she finds herself in any danger with her sister before excusing herself with a sympathetic look.
With a sigh, the girl takes a bold step forward, “Hey Deres.”
The older sister who’s been sitting by the window all morning turns her head to give the familiar face a smile, brightening her pale, almost grey features.
“Had breakfast yet?“ Estra asks, dragging a chair parallel to her sister’s so they can both stare out the window.
“You just missed Brian. He came to visit me.“ She replies quietly, unintentionally avoiding to answer the younger sister’s question. The words stab into the girl’s chest like a dozen knives but she keeps a smile on her face as her sister keeps talking, now pointing out the window, “There he is, he’s waving goodbye to us.“
She knows she won’t be able to see him, she knows she won’t ever see him outside pictures again and yet she still strains her eyes to search the hospital’s yard, praying for her mind to play a trick on her so she can, even for a moment, ‘see’ him again but she doesn’t. Swallowing back her tears, she waves a hand at her ‘brother’, feeling her stomach turn painfully.
“I’ll be right back...“ She smiles at Deres, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder as she nods with a smile.
This is one of those days. One of those days Estra finds especially hard to hold back that need to throw up which is why she quickly runs to the bathroom to rid herself of the toxic feeling in her gut. She coughs her throat clean and washes her hands and mouth, flushing the toilet and spraying some freshener in the air to cover up the smell. She stops before exiting the dimly lit bathroom, turning to the mirror so she can practice a realistic looking smile despite the tears running down her cheeks. Deres doesn’t notice those anyway.
Just as she’s about to go back to her sister, her phone rings. It’s Damian again. Estra’s finger hovers over the red Decline button for a few seconds before deciding she needs the distraction and answers the call.
“You’re not gonna believe this!“ The enthusiastic voice of her fellow demonologist and paranormal investigator radiates energy she’s glad to feel even through the phone.
“Need I remind you of who you’re talking to?“ She asks with a playful scoff, running a hand through her hair, “I’ve seen it all.“
“Well this you haven’t, I promise you.“ Dam continues rambling causing the girl to periodically space out and then return when specific words would intrigue her. Eventually, much to her relief, he decides to do a summary of what he’s said, “So, basically, this mongoose dingus has lost his mind and blames it on some cult or some demon, I don’t even know at this point.“
Estra rolls her eyes in mild disappointment. False alarms like this have been brought up by many individuals or families in the past, 99.9% of the time resulting into nothing but a waste of time for her and Dam. “Give me his name again, I wanna look him up.”
Dam is quick to casually reply, “Um, Peter Graham.“
That was a verbal punch delivered straight to Estra’s gut, knocking the air out of her while simultaneously giving her whiplash.
That’s a name she doesn’t need to look up or do a research on - everyone in her field and even anyone with any interest in the paranormal has heard of what has happened to the Graham and what’s going on with what’s left of their oldest child - Peter, now twenty-one years old, living in that house all by himself as rumor has it.
Well, Estra’s done with listening to rumors.
“Meet me at the office in fifteen.“ She tells Dam before hanging up and walking out to find her sister now sitting on the bed, “Hey sis, I gotta run.“ She kisses the top of Deres’ head before waving her goodbye and practically running out of the room in chase of the perfect distraction from what has been going on in her personal life all these years.
* * * * *
“Estra, you’re insane! I’m not just gonna waltz in that house, playing the role of a fucking bait for whatever haunts it!“ Exclaims an exasperated Dam who’s been trying with the overly eager Estra for the past half an hour.
“It’s our chance of a lifetime, Dam! You can’t tell me anybody else has done this because no one has! This will give us so many points for originality and...“ The girl defends her statement, refusing to give up ground to her slightly older companion who uses that age fact against her in every argument. It goes without saying that she doesn’t let it slide.
He cuts her off, “We’re not going, Es! I sure as hell won’t and I’m not letting you go in alone either!“ He huffs in frustration as he sits down in the chair he abandoned twenty minutes ago, “Just look at what happened to your beloved sister!“
“Don’t bring Deres into this, you prick!“ She snaps, slamming the palms of her hands onto the polished surface of Dam’s desk, “Her and I are not the same! The only thing we share at this point is one last name! That’s not Deres I’ve been going to see twice a week for five years. I don’t recognize that girl!“
“Exactly! I don’t want that to happen to you too!“ Dam lashes out, mirroring her levels of hostility.
“It won’t!“ She digs her nails into the wood or at least attempts to, giving up when she feels them start cracking under the pressure, “We were both driven insane, Damian, but in completely different ways! The trauma crippled her but it’s made me stronger! I’m more volatile, hostile, more willing to put everything in jeopardy to protect the people I care for! I’m no longer afraid, Dam, no longer afraid of anything...“ She trails off for a second, her gaze falling on a picture of Peter on one of the files Dam has compiled. He looks so harmless to her, especially in comparison to the possessed mountain of a man that she escaped when she was only seventeen. She also happens to be a year older than him, giving her a sense of protectiveness over him almost like she had over Brian.
And look how well you protected him
The thoughts shake her to her core, causing her to ground herself back to reality where she’s still sitting in front of a very worried and practically terrified Dam.
“She was weak, the girl I was. Deres wasn’t but now she is. We’re mirrored versions of each other.“ One last look at the picture of Peter later, she’s met Dam’s eyes with an intense glare that’s more meant for her past self than for him, “He needs his story to be heard.“
* * * * *
The drive up to the Graham abode was unnerving. Estra is not one to change her mind when she build herself a goal but she was very willing to tell the Uber to turn the fuck around and take her back with each mile they got closer to the monstrosity of a house.
Hearing the car’s engine revving further and further away from her, leaving her alone in the eerie place doesn’t help close up the pit that has opened in her stomach and so she periodically remains locked in place, feet almost feeling like they’ve dug into the ground and planted her there like a tree. Except she’s able to move, just doesn’t want to. Does she now believe this was a bad idea? No. Is she terrified of going in there though? Hell fucking yes.
But she’s already paid the Uber and already let him go so...might as well get her money’s worth.
With a deep inhale she takes large, faux confident steps towards the house. Just then, her phone rings, causing her to let out a scream she’s not particularly proud of. Unsurprisingly, it’s Damian.
“God fucking damn you, Dam! You’re becoming scarier than the actual experience!“ She complains, covering up her panting with a disapproving shout.
“I’m sorry!“ He doesn’t sound sorry, “I just wanted to let you know I’ve put a tape recorder in your bag along with some holy water and sage. The recorder will be on constantly and if you don’t get any ideas, Graham won’t have to know about it.“ He says, sounding awfully proud which probably wouldn’t have been the case if he could see Estra’s face right now, “No need to thank me. Just consider it a debt you’ll have to pay off eventually.“
Her face falls instantly, cheeks flushing with a crimson shade of pure anger, “Thank you? Repay you? You know what, I might as well pull it out and crush it right here on the pavement! What the fuck were you thinking?! I’m not some journalist trying to make a story to tell the press about this guy! This man needs help!”
“Estra, we are journalists of the supernatural! Get your head in the fucking game! There’s no compassion here! You say a few words, make yourself a couple of bucks and get the fuck out! What don’t you-“
Dam never gets to finish his sentence because Estra is quick to hang up only seconds before the front door before her opens to reveal a disheveled man with messy black hair and scars on the bridge and around his nose. His dead eyes look into hers, reminding her of the ones she saw every time she looked in the mirror until recently.
Before she could get a word out, the man who is definitely no other than Peter Graham, puts his hand on the door handle, ready to close it once more, “I have nothing to tell you.“
The girl is quick to disagree though, shoving her boot-clad foot between the door and its frame, “I think you do.”
“No, I don’t! I don’t wanna see my family tragedy in the morning newspaper tomorrow.“ He argues, putting all his little strength into shutting that door which would probably hurt like a bitch had the boot not been as solid as it is, taking the painful friction and not allowing it to reach her foot.
“I’m not a journalist!“ She retorts, refusing to move. “No one will know your story, I swear!“
Giving up his futile attempts, he lets go, stepping back to open the door a bit more, “Ok then what are you?”
Sighing in relief but still not moving her foot, Estra replies, “First of all, I’m Estra Davis.“ She extends a hand to him, one he luckily takes, “A paranormal investigator. Demonologist, if you will.“
Although he looks a little stunned, he too seems relieved, “Peter Graham, but I bet you already knew that.”
“Yeah, I did.“ She offers him a smile which, much to her surprise, he returns, “So...can I come in?“
This causes his eyes to widen, “You want to come in?”
She’s quick to explain herself, afraid she might lose his trust, “I mean, if it makes you uncomfortable we can stand outside and talk...”
“No...“ He too feels the need to justify himself, “It’s just that most people who know...wouldn’t really want to go inside. I know I wouldn’t.“
Estra experiences the hit of the second wave of relief in the past ten minutes, “No, not all. If I were a scaredy cat like that I wouldn’t be here.”
"In that case...." The guy sighs, "...come in, I guess."
Over the countless hours Estra and Damien spent researching this case, they came across many pictures of the interior of the Graham home. It would’ve easily been perceived as beautiful, but knowing what they know made it hard to see it as anything but eerie. However, now that one half of the duo finds herself inside the house, she understands how little justice those pictures did it. And the word eerie doesn’t even begin to describe the atmosphere.
“Listen, um....I guess you believe this stuff if you’re here...but still I want you to know that every time it seems like I lose control, I actually do. It’s not up to me to choose when it takes over so....be prepared.“ Peter explains truthfully, though it hurts him to admit it out loud. Estra is one of the only people he’s had contact with since the possession and he hasn’t had anyone to talk to about it until now. He really doesn’t want to scare her away, though it seems to him it would take a lot more than that to chase her out of the house.
That’s further proven when she shrugs in response to his heartfelt statement, “I believe you, Peter, I really do, but I can handle myself, don’t worry.” She awkwardly grind her heel into the wooden floor of the foyer as she looks around, barely containing herself from gushing about it all. It really wouldn’t be appropriate. She’d ask to take pictures to show Dam but that’d be inappropriate too, so she just settles for asking: “Can I have a house tour?”
Peter, surprised by the move on her part, reluctantly nods before guiding her into the living room It’s not like he was expecting her to jump straight into the cult questions but he also wouldn’t have been taken aback if that were the case. Luckily for him, it’s not. He finds an odd sense of genuineness in her demeanor and he’s unsure of whether it’s a real feeling or just his wishful thinking, but he’s still glad to be in her company. Or at least halfway so.
“You get a lot of natural sunlight in here.“ The girl comments as she wanders around the place, careful not to touch anything. That’s the first rule when entering a supposedly haunted house - do NOT touch anything. She approaches the window, looking outside, admiring the view the room has. It’s such a shame - even if this house was on the market now, knowing its history, she wouldn’t buy it. Not that she has the money for it anyway, “Oh, these plants are adorable.“
Much to her astonishment, Peter laughs behind her. Worried that it might not actually be him who let out the chuckle, she whirls her head around to see now change in his appearance or behavior. He’s simply leaning against a chair, looking at her like she’s an interesting specimen he hasn’t seen in a while. Which, to be fair, is probably the reality.
“You’re probably the only person who can find anything adorable about this house.“ He says as an explanation to his reaction, which in turn causes her to giggle as she steps away from the plants.
“Us demonologists are always surrounded with negative energy. We need to battle it any way we can - and that includes finding joy in little things and admiring their beauty.“ Estra explains as the two roam the lower level of the house after which he guides her up the stairs.
Halfway up the staircase, however, he stops in front of her. She can’t see his face but the tightening of his grip on the banister tells her enough for her to reach for the pocket knife she’s armed herself with.
Luckily, she doesn’t get around to using it, since Peter relaxes and continues his way up the stairs, continuing their conversation as if nothing happened, leading her to wonder if he even noticed he tapped out for a second there.
“So you’re like an actual demonologist?“ He nudges her, a question that’d usually annoy her but it now makes her laugh.
“I consider myself a VIP in the paranormal investigation industry, so yes, I am an actual demonologist.“ She replies, putting extra emphasis on ‘actual’ like he did when phrasing his question.
Peter chuckles, “Aren’t I lucky to have such a professional at my service.”
“You definitely are lucky to have been caught by our radar.“ Estra tells him as the two walk down the corridor, underneath the spot on the ceiling where the infamous door that leads to that God forsaken attic of terror should be. At this moment, it’s probably just a regular attic and so is that tree house the girl just caught a glimpse of through the window they passed by, but the memories in them still make them a horrifying place to be.
Peter shows Estra to the bedrooms, something she sees as a surprise considering he would’ve only felt comfortable showing her his since, well, you know, the other two belong to people who are no longer alive.
“Ok, I’m gonna address the elephant in the room: First of all, I’d take you to the attic but I had it sealed, which I’m sure you guessed by now?“ He pauses for a brief moment, looking to his left and out the window through which Estra earlier saw the tree house. He too spots it, his heart dropping like he’s seeing it for the first time in his life, like it just randomly appeared on his property. “Second....would you even want to have a look at the treehouse with all the shit you know?
Once again playing the ‘unbothered’ card, Estra shrugs her shoulders to distract herself from the churning of her stomach, “If you’re ok taking me there, I’m ok seeing it.”
That was the bittersweet answer Peter didn’t even know he had been hoping for this entire time. He’s glad he can finally open up about the mess that his life has been turned into, but he’s also afraid of reliving it through the telling of the tale. Because that’s what it seems like to everyone else: a scary story to tell in the dark. Luckily for him though, to her, it seems as much of a reality as it is to him.
He nods solemnly, tilting his head to tell her to follow suit which she does without any hesitation.
As the two begin their descent down the staircase, Peter can no longer stand the silence so he decides to break it, “What got you into this stuff, anyway?”
Now that is a question she hates even more than the one questioning her authenticity in the field. It’s a very basic question that people with her job often get asked. But to her, the story of what drew her to this spiritual, supernatural crap is not an easy one to tell.
“A family tragedy too, I’m afraid.“ She hides her pain with a humorless chuckle, “The pastor that came to cleanse our house of the demon that was roaming it turned out to be a Satan worshipper. You know, just a casual, every-day Satanist, because of course that’s normal. Long story short: my dad got possessed and he killed my little brother; I killed that fucking bastard of a reverend and my mom took the fall. Her and dad are in jail and my older sister who witnessed it all is now in a mental institution.“ Having said all that in less than two breaths, Estra rightfully stops to take a breather before delivering the closing line right as they make it to the tree house, “I just wanna prevent that shit from happening to anyone else....I’m sorry I didn’t make it to your family on time.“
“Don’t apologize. They...we were beyond any help.“ He sighs as they climb up in the small treehouse, the floor of which they still find littered with some of Charlie’s belongings.
The two sit on the opposite ledges of the small opening to the latter, unable to take their eyes off one another, although Peter has a hard time maintaining eye contact with the girl which is why she averts his gaze when he hears her inhale sharply, suggesting she has something to say.
“But you aren’t Peter. You can still be helped.“
Estra too now turns her head away from him, choosing to pay more attention on her surroundings in this small but still not at all cramped space. It’s cozy, the perfect place for a child to envision as their castle. She’s sure Brian would have loved it. She had always promised him a tree house but they never got around to building one. They were, however, champions at building pillow and blanket forts which Brian was equally satisfied with.
Now she really regrets not shoving that tree house into her schedule. Now she’ll never have a chance.
Just then, a rough grip on her arm startles her out of her thoughts.
Her head snaps back to Peter and she nearly jumps out of her skin at the sight of his blank face and darkened eyes.
That ain’t Peter.
“Is that so?“ The voice still is his but with a menacing tone she sure this frail boy could never muster, “You think he isn’t beyond help? Want me to prove you wrong?“
Estra’s frozen, watching in horror as the possessed boy in front of her smiles terrifyingly at her, the bruising grip not allowing her to have a chance at an escape.
But then, a tear rolls down the boy’s cheek, some emotion returning to his eyes.
“Run.” He fights with the force he feels for the first time, a feeling so overwhelmingly painful but also comforting. It makes him feel as though he at least now isn’t a helpless victim. He can fight back, just like he’s doing right now. For her. “Go!!”
In the time Peter’s soul takes charge of his body again before Paimon could take the wheel, he let go of Estra’s arm.
The girl, although reluctantly, still begins her climb down but doesn’t make it even close to the end before simply jumping down and taking off running.
And running and running until she stops for a moment to throw up and realize she hasn’t only run miles away from the Graham estate, but from anything she could possibly use as a landmark to orient herself.
Ruffling through her bag in search of her phone, she finds the voice recorder instead. She stops the recording and grabs her phone to order herself an Uber which thankfully is able to locate her. She finds a log that in this case she sees as a perfectly fitting chair and takes a seat, hesitantly looking at the voice recorder before pressing the play button to hear what it’s captured.
It’s all old news to her - nothing unusual, no paranormal entities speaking into the thing, no sounds she doesn’t remember hearing. Nothing. A waste of time and effort on Damien’s expense.
Until the incident in the tree house occurs.
Their casual conversation as well as her words of sympathy and comfort for Peter are captured without a hitch but when Paimon took the stage, nothing was heard. No voice, no sounds of nature, nothing. Just like what happened to the audio on the way up the stairs to the second floor of the house when she saw the boy switch back and forth right in front of her.
Estra might’ve been exaggerating when she called herself a VIP and when she referred to her sister as weak because of how she dealt, or rather didn’t deal with the situation; regardless, she knows she’s not insane. She knows she didn’t just imagine that. And if the bruise on her arm is anything to go by, she’s completely correct.
She puts the phone up to her ear, listening to it ring a few times before the call is picked up, “Hey Es.”
“Hey Dam sorry to wake you up at this hour but...“
“Wake me up? At what hour, 3 PM?“ Damien asks, hiding his worry and fear behind faux amusement, “Is everything ok, Estra? You need me to come get you?“
That’s when she realizes, it’s not night. It never was. She just failed to notice that the five minutes she was up in the tree house changed the entire time of day - she entered it during the early afternoon and exited it in the dark of some time past midnight. Except, that’s not what happened. She entered and exited it in a matter of five minutes. Why she saw a dark night and why she didn’t question it is what now sends a tear rolling down her own cheek.
“What’d he do to me?“
#hereditary#hereditary movie#hereditary peter graham#peter graham#peter graham fanfiction#peter graham fanfic#peter graham x reader#peter graham x you#peter graham imagine#annie graham#charlie graham#midsommar#ari aster#a24 films#a24 movies#hereditary x reader#peter graham x oc#oc#original female character#original character#fic#fanfic#fanfiction#3 word challenge#reader#x reader
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AU - Billy and Stu are not the killers🔪
It's time for the revelations ! Everybody is in the kitchen, and discovers that Neil is the killer.
I'm so sorry i'm French 🇨🇵🥐🥖 and there may be some mistakes but I tried to do my best!
Billy was leaning on the kitchen counter, his hands pressed on his wounded side. He was pale as a dead man, his hair sticking to his forehead wet with sweat. Sydney was in front of him, her fists clenched, ready to protect him no matter what, despite the fact that she was hurt. Stu and Randy had wisely sat in chairs when Neil had asked them to, pointing his gun at them. A bullet had gone through Randy's shoulder, his favorite shirt torn and stained with blood.
- Dad... sobbed Sydney. Why? Why?
She couldn't believe that her father was responsible for all this. It didn't make sense, it was impossible, her mind refused to admit it. Even the fact that Billy was the killer would have surprised her less. Her mother was dying, her father was becoming a killer, what was the next step?
- You want to know why? Because this world is rotten, Syd. Look at you... your mother was a whore and you followed the same path.
- Mr. Prescott, put the gun down, Billy said calmly as he approached.
Sydney tried to hold him back, but he pulled away, giving her a confident look. A look that said "don't be afraid, I've got it covered", because Billy always wanted to have it covered.
- You, kid, don't move! shouted Neil.
- All right, Billy replied, raising his hands in the air and continuing to move forward.
The gun went off. Stu gasped, Randy clamped his hands over his ears, and Billy collapsed to the floor, a bloodstain growing on the fabric of his jeans at his leg. Sydney rushed to his side, already working on making a tourniquet with his jacket. It was a clumsy tourniquet, but it slowed the flow of blood slightly. She couldn't lose Billy, not now.
- Billy! Are you okay?
- Better than ever, doll," he assured her, a pained grin on his face.
Stu stared into space. He was thinking about how his parents were going to be so angry at him for having a party he wasn't allowed to have, and how Billy was soiling the floor with his own blood that it was going to be impossible to get back, and how the garage door was also so badly damaged. Futile thoughts, because his mind didn't want to think about the only real thing that mattered.
- And what are you going to tell the police? Randy asked, trying to save time.
He'd seen enough horror movies to know that stalling was always a good idea.
- I was going to pin it on those two! (he pointed to Billy and Stu) Billy the Kid, for revenge, because your mama left because of Maureen. And Stu, because you're so fucking degenerate, kiddo ! You were the perfect culprits. I would have been the one and only survivor of the massacre by two psychopathic teenagers, who kidnapped me while I was away on a business trip, then sequestered me, with the sole purpose of framing me.
- You overestimate us, Billy laughed. We can't come up with a scheme like that.
- The big dummy can't, but you can, kiddo. You were always a smart kid. The proof is in the pudding, you got laid with my daughter!
- You're horrible.
- Billy, don't talk, you'll wear yourself out, Sydney huffed, gently stroking his brown hair.
While Mr. Prescott was talking, detailing his plan, which he considered perfect, Randy, with a nudge, drew Stu's attention. On the counter where they were sitting was a huge kitchen knife, probably used to cut pizzas. Stu knew that Randy was incapable of handling a weapon. He only liked killing through a screen, and when he talked lightly about killing Casey, it was just to show off.
So Stu did the stupidest, most reckless, badass thing he could. He grabbed the knife and threw himself like a devil at Neil, who pulled the trigger before the blade sank into his chest. Mr. Prescott collapsed on the worktop, and Stu fell to the floor.
- Damn, I got shot in the stomach! he shouted, excited as a flea, adrenaline preventing him from feeling pain.
Neil made a move to stand up, but Sydney had grabbed a frying pan and smashed it down on his father's head.
Meanwhile, Randy had reached for the phone and was calling for help. The boy was shaking like a leaf, trying to control the tremors in his voice to be as clear as possible, listing everyone's injuries and explaining what had happened. Holding the phone to his shoulder, he knelt down beside Stu.
- Man, you're bleeding...
- Yeah, right? Say, Randy, don't you think it's cold?
- Operator, my buddy says he's cold! panicked Randy.
- Help is on the way, calm down, breathe.
Randy sat on the floor, his back against the counter, clutching Sydney's father's gun, which he had retrieved.
- This... Is everyone okay? Randy asked.
Billy, with his head resting on Sydney's thighs, gave a weak thumbs up. Sydney nodded slowly, tears rolling down her cheeks.
- Stu? Randy asked.
- I'm still alive, man.
The minutes before help arrived seemed endless. But soon sirens sounded, followed by the sound of gravel as they parked, then the hubbub of emergency crews storming the house.
Randy closed his eyes in relief. It was over. The nightmare was over. As the paramedics led him outside, he saw Gale and Dewey being carried away.
- They're alive, too? he exclaimed.
- They're hurt, but they're going to be okay.
Gale, freshly healed, was already fixing her hair, ready to present her show. Some things were unchangeable even after a night like this.
- Live from Woodsboro where the night just passed was the scene of a tragedy, which I was able to witness first hand. I am currently with Randy, one of the survivors of this tragedy. Randy, can you tell me a little more about what just happened?
Randy smiles. Maybe this horrible night will have a silver lining after all.
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Forever and always
Johnny Lawrence x larusso reader
Request: I’m watching cobra Kai and have fallen in love with Johnny! Could you maybe do a short post on Johnny liking Daniels sister and then they meet again in cobra Kai 😱
Warnings: mild language. Angst. Fluff
I can't find the person's account that requested this👉👈🥺💔
1984....
You and your family have just moved to California, now living in a small apartment complex where you and your brother are sharing a room, which was really a pain in the ass. Especially since Daniel didn't really seem keen on keeping his side tidy, it was annoying really. But you couldn't change it, no matter how bad you wanted to. But you could get out of the apartment for a while...
That's how you found yourself now, exploring the new territory with excitement. You've done been everywhere you'd thought, until you found the beach, that's where you were now. Barefoot as you walk on the beach, watching the ocean with a relaxed gaze.
Until a something hit you on the forehead, making you fall on your back with a yelp, pain instantly taking over your head. You had your eyes squeezed shut, a groan emitting from you.
"shit I think you knocked her out Johnny!" someone laughs, but you didn't care to open your eye's to see who.
"shut up asshole!" someone else says, that's when you felt someone crouched down beside you, hands gently grasping at your shoulders and giving you a gentle shake. Hand carefully pushing hair away from your now hurt forehead.
"hey, you alright?" the same voice said, you crack your eyes open and see two beautiful blue ones looking back at you with concern, his blond hair falling in front of his beautiful eyes as you feel the air being knocked from your lungs, heart skipping a beat as butterflies erupted in your belly.
This stranger was by far the most hottest stranger you've ever seen. He was handsome, beautiful, gorgeous.
"shit, can you hear me?" he asks, his voice bringing you out of your trance.
"y - yeah I'm fine - I'm okay" you stuttered out, trying to sit up, the handsome stranger helping you do so. "what the hell even happened?" you ask, watching how he let's a little smile sneak its way on his face.
"I threw my friends shoe away from him and it uh... Hit you in the face...he really hates sand..." he said trying not to laugh. You giggle a little, giving him a little grin.
"I'll have to admit, it's a little funny... But please watch where you throw stuff next time" you say with a chuckle.
"I can't make any promises sweetheart" he said, giving you a wink. You blushed, hating how handsome this man really was. His wink sending your heart into overdrive. "I'm Johnny Lawrence by the way" he stands up and offers you his hand. Which you gladly take, him helping you stand up.
"I'm y/n larusso, nice to meet you" you say rubbing at the sore spot on your forehead. Johnny looks guilty for a moment before his friends start shouting for him.
"to make it up to you for almost knocking you out, how about me and you go see a movie sometime, my treat?" he questioned, and even though you just got hit in the head you felt like you just won the lottery.
"that sounds nice, how about Friday?" you ask with a smile. Johnny gives you a smile as he stuffs his hands in his pockets, walking backwards and back to his friends.
"Friday it is" he confirmed, he set up the time and place and you felt yourself counting down the days until then.
Who would have thought being hit in the face with a shoe would have scored you a date with a handsome man?
Who would've thought that, that date would have brought you and Johnny closer, the outcome of being hit in the face making a beautiful relationship bloom. After that one movie date with Johnny there was more than one. One night you both went rollerskating another night you went mini gulfing. And after almost two weeks of dating Johnny had snuck you both into the local pool for a midnight swim. That was the night you first kissed, a night you would always remember.
You've been dating for a year, You fell so helplessly in love with him, he was sweet, loving, kind and even a gentleman. But you was the only one who saw that side of him. The only one who saw Johnny for who he really was. Everyone else saw him for his reputation, being a bully, a badass cobra Kai. They looked past his soft side that only you brought out, and looked straight at his tough guy attitude.
And even though he could be bit of an asshole and bully - especially with your brother. He wasn't really a bad guy. But you knew Daniel wouldn't agree with your relationship with Johnny, so you dated in secret. Always having dates when everyone in your house was asleep, hiding whenever you share kisses at school. Fleeting touches shared secretly, lingering gazes hidden.
But it was worth it, Johnny was worth it. And even though you knew Johnny and Daniel hated each other, you couldn't stay away from Johnny. You loved him. And the mere thought of leaving him hurt. So instead of choosing who you kept in your life, you tried keeping both. Because you knew if it ever came down to it Daniel wouldn't ever speak to you if he found out you and Johnny was a thing, that thought was painful considering you and Daniel was like twins, although he was a year older. And if Johnny knew Daniel wasn't speaking to you just because you two was dating, he'd make you runaway with him where you both could be together without someone trying to tear you apart.
You sigh at your wandering thoughts and live in the moment, that being seated in the sand, watching the ocean with Johnny's arm around you, holding you close against him you wearing his red jacket because the night wind was chilly. You've been sitting there for hours, listening to music on the boom box he brought. Talking and perhaps maybe making out.
It was nearing 2am when Johnny stood up, bringing you with him as he cups your cheek in hand and holds your hip in the other.
"we should probably get you home before you're family realize that you are gone" he muttered, face closer to yours. You smile and peck his lips before running off toward his bike. Hopping on the back and waiting for him you give him a grin.
"you better hurry slow poke!" you say, watching him run toward you with a laugh, the happiness on his face enough to cause your heart to swell.
Once he makes it to you he gives you a smirk, one hand resting on the handle bares of the bike while the other is resting on the seat behind you. He leans his face closer to yours.
"you're a tease y/n" he said, capturing your lips with his, the kiss deep and slow. His lips moving against yours perfectly. You pull away from the kiss and give him a cheeky smile.
"c'mon hot shot let's get going before Daniel wakes up for his usual kitchen raid" you joke making Johnny laugh. Hopping on the bike and listening to it roar to life. You wrapped your arms around Johnny's middle, holding him tight.
He then zooms down the road, wind blowing through your hair. You hold onto Johnny tightly, making him feel as if he was on top of the world. It didn't take long for him to slow down, before shutting the bike off. You was home, the apartment complex quiet all the lights off. You hop of the bike as Johnny stayed seated, watching you shrug off his jacket and handing it to him.
"I wish you could wear it all the time, it looks good on you" he said, taking it and putting it on.
"I think it looks pretty good on you Johnny" you replied back with a grin. He rolls his eyes and chuckles.
"you better get inside before Daniel or you're mom wakes up, my bike isn't exactly quiet" he points out causing you to sigh. "goodnight y/n"
"goodnight Johnny..." you lean in to give him one last kiss, him being the tease he is nibbles at your bottom lip. You giggle into the kiss and pull back reluctantly, Johnny smirking at you.
"I'll see you at school, bye babe" he starts up the bike as you back away slowly with a wave.
"bye Johnny, love you!" you say slightly loud over the noisy bike.
"love you too!" you watch how he gives you a wink before zooming down the road, disappearing from your sight. You sigh dreamily and head inside.
Completely oblivious to the watching eye's in your home.
You slip inside your bedroom and close the door quietly, slowly crawling in bed. As you laid down the light turns on making you jump up startled. Daniel gives you a look of disappointment. Making you instantly know that he knew.
"y'know I didn't believe Mr Miyagi when he told me that he saw you hanging around with Johnny but know I feel like a fool for not" he said, the disappointment Clear in his voice.
You sigh and hold your head in your hands. This was going to be a disaster...
"i was going to tell you -
"that's a lie" he scoffs, shaking his head. He looked angry now, he had a look of betrayal swimming in his eye's, "he's nothing but trouble y/n he's a bully! To be precise he bullies me!" now you scoff, looking up at Daniel with a annoyed look.
"I've been talking to him about that, he hasn't bathered you any now has he? he's not a bad guy Danny, he's nice, kind and he treats me like a queen! You just never give him the chance to be a nice civilized person because you instantly start going at each other's throats" you huff out, watching your brother shake his head.
"he's everything but good, did you see how he was fighting me at the tournament? He was fighting dirty!" he nearly yelled in anger, causing you to tense your jaw.
"he's different when it's just me and him, he's always so kind, so sweet...he loves me Danny, and I know you don't wanna hear it but I love him too... " you trail off knowing no matter what you say Daniel wouldn't change his mind. He didn't approve of the relationship, he didn't want you around him...
"he's a bad guy y/n, he's gonna end up breaking you're heart and I don't want that to happen to you... You deserve better" he muttered before cutting the light off and angrily going to sleep.
The next few days after that night was horrible. When you woke up you had walked into the kitchen, picking up a orange from the fruit bowl and tossing it to Daniel with a little 'think fast!' in hopes he would catch it like usual, a smile on his face. But instead he focused on his bowl of cereal and let it fall to the floor, ignoring you.
At school he didn't even look at you, wouldn't speak to you or even let you sit with him at lunch. It was painful, especially since you and Daniel was like bestfriends. He was always there for you when you needed him, a shoulder to lean on, cry on. You felt absolutely heart broken but thought perhaps he'd go back to being his normal self over time... But days turned to weeks and that's when you knew what needed to be done, no matter how hard it would be...
The room was dark, the only light being that of the moons blue hue shining through the window. You laid on your bed, watching the clock tick as you patiently wait for midnight to roll around. The cold silver locket in your hand felt heavy, your heart aching. You look down at the metal locket and sigh, flipping it open you let a little smile etch itself on your lips, the picture of you and Johnny one of your favorites, it was the night of your second date, the one where you had both went rollerskating. It was taken by Johnny, he held it further away from you both, smiling wide as you were. You close the locket as midnight had arrived, and for once you actually dread it.
Standing from the bed and slipping out the door, before you closed it Daniel spoke up making you freeze in shock that he was talking to you and fright that you had been caught.
"remember what I told you about him y/n, he's a prick, he'll kick you in the back any chance he gets" Daniel said, making a lump form in your throat. Looking down at the locket in your hand you nod.
"I won't give him the opportunity Danny..." you muttered, tears filling your eyes as you shut the door and leave the house with a heavy heart, a dark cloud lingering over your head.
The streets was empty, void of traffic or people. The star's twinkling in the night sky as the moons light danced across the ocean, waves crashing into the shore, sitting in the sand the man who stole your heart the moment you looked into his beautiful eyes...
Letting out a deep breath and wiping at your eye's in hopes the tears would go away you walk over to Johnny with a fake smile. He looks up at you with a smile.
"hey babe, before I came here I got you something" he grins up at you, holding a hand behide him and away from your sight. You felt your heart being squeezed by an unbearable pain. Out of all the nights he had to be the sweetest it just had to be now...
"oh, what it is?" you say sitting beside him, watching how he only grins wider.
"give me a kiss and it's you'res" you give him a genuine smile, leaning in and pecking his lips shortly. But that obviously wasn't enough, his pout saying it all, "what was that? That was hardly even a kiss!" he laughs, making you roll your eyes and press a more firm kiss on his lips, deciding to deepen it, relishing in the feeling of his soft lips on yours, engraving his taste into your memory as you place a hand on his jaw and pull him closer. Making him let out a noise of surprise into it, smirking as he pulls away slowly.
"how was that?" you ask teasingly. He chuckles and shows you the gift, which wasn't much honestly, just a flower, your favorite. You take it and feel your heart swell at the sweet gesture.
"johnny it's beautiful! Thank you" you kiss his cheek and decide you should give him the locket, even though you knew Johnny wouldn't even think twice about wearing a necklace, you still wanted him to have it. You pull it out of your pocket and hand it to him.
"I know you won't ever wear it, but I wanted you to have this..." you muttered, watching how he takes it and looks over it, a fond smile on his face.
"a locket?" he asks with confusion, looking inside it at the picture, "our second date..." he chuckles at the memory. He looks back up at you with a look of pure love and affection, making you feel sick to your stomach. Johnny noticed the change of mood in you and gives you a concerned look.
"what's wrong?" he placed the locket down and cups your face. You bite your bottom lip to stop it from trembling, unable to look him in the eye's.
"I - I'll always love you Johnny, no matter what... You know that right?" you say, voice cracking. He nods his head and wipes away a falling tear off your cheek. You didn't even know you was crying...
"of course, I'll always love you too y/n" he reassures you, but he only made you feel worse...
"I want to end things..." you let out your tears, your voice trembled. Johnny looks takem back by your words, shocked. He let's go of your cheek and flickers his eyes across your face, looking for any sign of anything but truth.
"what? Why?..." he questioned as he clenched his fist around the necklace in his hand. His once happy smile morphing into anger and sadness.
"we can't be together anymore... I'm sorry Johnny... I love you -
"if you loved me then you wouldn't be saying all that - bullshit!" he stood up, necklace in a vice like grip in his hand as he looked down at you with heart broken eyes, anger, betrayal.
"I'm sorry" you sob out, tears freely falling from your eye's. Johnny scoffs and shakes his head, tears swimming in a pool of anger in those beautiful blues of his, making your heart break even more.
"I should have expected this, you leading me on. You're no better then that loser brother of yours!" he yelled, taking one last look at the locket, his tears fell from his eye's making him angrily wipe them away, "love me forever eh?" he takes the locket and throws it somewhere away from you both.
You sit helplessly, crying on the beach as you watch Johnny walk away. But you knew if you had Johnny in your life your brother would never talk to you again.... It was a hard choice, and you found yourself regretting it...
2018....
You woke up with a loud groan, rolling over in bed spotting the book on your bed side table, reaching over and taking it, opening the book to see the old withered and slightly torn flower, your favorite. Although it's color was slightly gone and it was dead, you loved it. It reminded you of him.
Shutting the book you place it back on the table and stand up from your bed, deciding to begin the day with a hot shower. you gathered your clothes and head into the bathroom. After that you had a tiny breakfast and head straight to your brothers work, only to torture him a bit.
It's been years since that horrid night you broke up with Johnny, yet it still haunts you. The guilt and regret never went away, you never dated anyone after that, never got married. Although your brother would always set up blind dates for you, saying you needed someone in your life like how he had amanda, his wife.
You smile when you pull up into the auto shop, seeing the big letters of your last name plastered on the building. Parking your car and stepping out you head inside instantly spotting Daniel, who gives you a wide smile.
"well if it isn't the bum who always drops by!" he joked, hugging you. You laugh and hug him back.
"I dropped by to see if I could get my insurance this month payed off for free" you joke right back making him roll his eyes.
"no can do sis, I'm afraid you're gonna have to do that yourself" he said with a chuckle. "what are you here for though? Need a job? Because we are always hiring y/n - and I think you'd really love -
"Danny I don't need a job here" you laugh at his rambling. Daniel was always so eager to hire you, he wanted you both to work in the same field, under the same roof. But you didn't want to work at his business, although it was pretty awesome, you didn't really like the whole 'car selling and paperwork' theme. So you was a waitress at a old dinner, it didn't pay good but you wasn't poor. You knew Daniel felt slightly guilty for having so much money and a big house while you struggled to pay rent in a apartment building. That's why he made it a habit of loaning you - gifting actually, money. Even when you refused to take it.
"I actually came here to ask you about the whole dick in you're mouth thing?" you giggle at his face of horror and frustration.
"oh God you saw the billboard?" he asks with a low tone, a look of annoyance etched on his face.
"of course I saw it! I think everyone has" you laughed, almost at the point of wheezing. "I even took a picture so I can always have it as a reminder" you wheeze out, causing him to groan.
"of course you'd do that" he muttered with a roll of his eyes.
"who done that anyway?" you ask, watching his expression turn from embarrassing and frustrated to conflict and deep thought.
"they didn't find him...or her..." he muttered, turning his back on you. Confused by how he just obviously lied to you, you shrug it off and understand it's a touchy subject for him, Amanda kindly texting you not to bring it up, but you did because it was to good not to.
"okay, well I hope you're day doesn't suck to bad" you stifle a laugh at your pun. He groans and shoo's you away.
"get out of here before I ban you!" you laugh loudly and complie, leaving the place. But as you walk to your car you noticed a yellow flyer on the ground. curious, you pick it up, heart skipping a beat at the word's...cobra Kai... But your heart fluttered yet is clenched with a guilt filled pain at the picture.
Johnny Lawrence in all his glory. He looked the same, a bit aged but still the handsome man who stole your heart all those years ago.
Folding the picture up you hop inside your car, deciding a little visit to this new cobra Kai dojo wasn't so bad. So starting your car and searching for the place you let your mind wander.
Was he still mad at you? Did he hate you?
Of course he did. you broke his heart for Christ's sake. He threw the locket you gave him away like it was a poisonous snake. You sigh when the building comes in sight. You park and stare at it, debating whether you should go in or not.
What if he didn't want to see you? Or what the hell would you even say?
You let out a deep dragged out breath before opening up your car door and getting out. You wanted to see him again, you needed to. So without a second thought you approached the dojo, getting ready to open the door while your head was held low.
That's when you felt a horrible pain in your nose as you fall on your back, a yelp emitting from you as you hold your hurting nose. Feeling the warm sensation of blood slowly falling from it. With eyes squeezed shut you groan.
"oh my God! Are you okay?" the familier sound of the one and only Johnny Lawrence blesses your ears. You feel his hands gently push your hair away and out of your face. "lady you're gonna have to move your hands otherwise I can't see what the hells wrong" you would have laughed at his polite yet slightly rude words if you didn't think your nose was broken.
You move them slowly and open your eyes only to be greeted with his beautiful concern filled blue ones. That's when it hit him, the realization of who you were, "y/n larusso? Is that you?" you sit up slowly and nod.
"yeah, is it just me or do you greet all women by hurting them unintentionally?" you joke, causing him to smile a small smile.
"come inside and let me check you're nose out, try stop the bleeding" he says while helping you up, leading you inside. His hold on your hand never filtered as he held it all the way to a little office typed room. Cleaning his desk off and motioning you to sit down on it. You do so and watch how he disappeared into some other room and soon returned with a few tissues and a cotton ball.
"so what brings you here? Wanting to learn some karate?" he asks with a teasing smile, wiping the blood from your nose then delicately placing the cotton ball inside the bleeding nostril.
"no, I actually saw a flyer and wanted to... See you" you muttered the last sentence but he heard. Giving you a small barely noticeable smile he crossed his arms. "it's been a while" you say with a nervous chuckle. Taking your eyes off him and looking down at your hands.
"well, since I hit you with my door how about I make it up to you and buy you a drink?" he suggests, causing you to snap your head up eagerly and nod.
"that sounds only fair" you giggle. He chuckles and reaches for his keys beside you on the table.
"then follow me" he said as he leads you out of the dojo.
In a car ride full of silence besides the classic rock playing on the radio, you both had arrived at a quiet little bar, where you both sat tucked away in a booth in the corner. A beer in both your hands as you talked and laughed like old times.
"oh God, do you remember that time when I snuck in through you're bedroom window and I didn't know you and you're brother shared room?" he asks with a laugh, the memory a hilarious one.
"you had to hide under the bed for like 5 hours before Daniel went to sleep!" you laughed, remembering how Daniel stayed up that night for hours telling you horrible jokes and stuff. Poor Johnny hiding under your bed and suffering through it with you.
"nothing will ever be as funny as that one time we went skating and you nearly broke my neck trying to push me away from you because you saw Daniel with ali" he snickered, sipping his beer as you snort.
"you wouldn't stop trying to make out with me, I thought he would for sure see us" you giggle while sipping your own beer.
"we used to have so much fun" he muttered, a nostalgic look on his face. You give him a fond smile and nod.
"y'know, I never wanted to break up with you that night..." you say, mind slightly buzzed from all the beers you've had. Not quite drunk, just more bolder with your words. "the only reason I did was because Daniel found out about us... He Stopped talking to me for days, he hated me"
That caught his attention and made him devote his full attention on you.
"he stopped talking to me, completely acting as if I didn't exist. So I knew if I didn't end things between you and me, I'd lose my only brother" you sigh, shaking your head and giving him a apologetic look. "I'm sorry I think I've had way to many -
"I kept it..." he blurted out, cutting your words short. You give him a confused look. "the locket, I went back the night after you ended things and found it" he reaches for the neckline of his shirt and pulled out the silver necklace locket.
You felt a flutter in your heart, a hope blooming inside you that perhaps maybe you still had a chance with Johnny. He smiles and flips the heart shaped pendent open, revealing the photo inside.
"you found it?" you questioned as you stood only to sit beside him, shoulders nearly touching as he shows it to you.
"of course, I didn't really throw it that far" he said while closing it, shoving it back under his shirt, "besides, even though you broke up with me I couldn't ever get you off my mind" he confessed while looking at you with those big blue eye's of his.
"likewise, I regretted that night ever since it happened" you muttered while looking away from him, feeling the guilt and heartbreak weighing down on you. Tears slowly starting to glisten in your eye's.
But Johnny gently placed his hand on your face, palm firmly pressed on your cheek as he makes you look at him.
"I understand y/n, I understand that you done that because you're brother and I aren't exactly bestfriends" he reassures you. Causing a little smile to tug at your lips. "I never stopped loving you y/n, and even though I can't stand you're brother... I'd love to take you to dinner sometime?" he asks with a little half smile.
You felt a wave of happiness wash over you, heart swelling with joy as you nod.
"of course, I'd love that" you say with a wide grin. He let's out a little chuckle, a silence falling over you two, his hand still on your cheek as he just let's his eyes roam your face with adoration.
"I missed you" he muttered, his thumb rubbing at your cheek.
"I missed you too..." you murmured, as you lean into his touch.
And as if he couldn't live without his lips on yours he brings your face closer and pressed his lips on yours. You was surprised at first but soon let your lips move with his in the familier way you missed, the kiss was enough to take your breath away. The way he nibbled at your bottom lip caused you to giggle into the kiss. Pulling away he gives you his beautiful smirk.
"I see you haven't changed a bit Johnny" you murmur with, small smile on your face.
"neither have you y/n..." he placed another kiss on your forehead as he wraps a arm around you, holding you close to him. For once in your life you feel content, happy. And there is no place you'd rather be than in Johnny's warm arms..
A/n: I know this sucks, and I'm sorry it took so long, I'm a very busy person *coughs* it's classified👀
Also I left my phone unattended, I was also in the middle of writing this here imagine, and when I came back to check on it my little sister had down this:
I laughed at this for a while 😂🤣
#johnny lawrence#johnny lawrence imagine#johnny lawrence x reader#cobra kai#the karate kid#daniel larusso#Daniel larusso x reader#Daniel larusso imagine#william zabka#ralph macchio
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