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#i feel ashamed when i post personal stuff
jankwritten · 2 months
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yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit
i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.
i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.
this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them
#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist#but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all#those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again?#(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do)#BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit#like TENFOLD now#it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode#plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am?#also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism?#it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always#the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn#it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself#this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry#this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past#this is another reason I fucking hate florida#because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment#and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that.#all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid#and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again#tw vent post#tw racism#tw past racism#but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again#fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun
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I think there may be few things as humiliating/discouraging/uncomfortable as attempting to share something you love with someone and them being unexpectedly offended/upset by it.
it's just like... this is something I love! this is something that inspires me and reminds me why life is worth living! and I understand why it upset you, and I don't blame you for it, but now I feel bad when I was only trying to be kind and helpful! and I feel ashamed because something I love and find Good has been judged Bad by someone I hoped would enjoy it too. and I feel bad for making them feel uncomfortable. and now there's a whole mess of emotions happening and most are Not Fun ones and it just makes one not want to share things with others again in the future at all
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arolesbianism · 9 months
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Dancer 🤝 Helmet being low empathy despite literally having different flavors of mind reading
#rat rambles#eternal gales#Im like 75% sure Ive made this post bit shhhhgh#any old blog posts might as well not exist#anyways helmet has more general mind reading while dancer ironically has emotion reading#but they both still struggle to rly. connect with the emotions they detect#especially for helmet since their mind reading is near constantly active so it all just feels like white noise to them#dancer's is only rly active when hes particularly stressed out or just otherwise feeling strong emotions#because of how his body works it takes a lot less stress or excitement to activate his abilities than your average stalien#but yeah his emotions reading is smth hes very rarely benifited from since it just feels the same to him as like watching someone be#visibly upset#aka he doesnt rly connect with these forien emotions at all he can sometimes like name what they are but it doesnt rly click as real to him#during his crashes this tends to be one of the big things that hes ashamed of as he sees it as a personal faliure even tho its not#helmet's low empathy is also linked to trauma mostly from yknow. being surrounded by dying children for several years.#they struggle a lot with letting themself see the ppl around them as fellow living beings and even those they do care abt can sometimes#feel a lot more like concepts to them than people#dancer and helmet have a very. complicated relationship because of all of these factors#dancer actually hated helmet at first due to how quickly busy started liking them#but once helmet started giving him free stuff and just generally being nice to him he warmed up to them pretty quick#the two of them are pretty chill friends but after the initial ok cool guess I have a friend now 👍 period some quiet conflict arose a bit#mostly in the fact that the others abilities make both of them quite paranoid#dancer is trying to manage it but helmet is like 100% convinced that of dancer ever reads their emotions he'll learn that they secretly#are an uncaring husk (theyre not) and he'll think theyre a monster (he wont)#theyre both just so scared that the other secretly hates them and theyre both alergic to communication so its just them dying slowly#meanwhile busy is just sitting there going 'I can fix them' at the both of them (she cant but shes kind of helping at least)
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satoruhour · 9 months
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ur gonna get sick of seeing me in ur inbox lol but t i’ve been thinking a whole lot about sugar daddies and i need to know what the jjk men would be like as sugar daddies and what type of sugar baby they’d go for and and and their favourite things to do with you, both inside and outside the bedroom 💖 and how likely they are to fall in love and make u their wifey
a/n: i am so normal about jjk men. this shit is so long i got carried away. it’s too long that i’ll need to seperate and post nanami’s and toji’s part in a second post TT pt. 2 here
warnings: long piece, sugar daddy!au, discussions of kinks including daddy kink, creampies / breeding, public sex, exhibitionism, oral (f and m receiving), fingering, facials, cumshots, praise, degradation, dp, threesome, voyeurism, orgasm denial, overstimulation, lingerie, brat-taming, let me know if i missed anything. n*sfw under the cut
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✶ GOJO
most annoying sugar daddy eva but he’s one of the fun ones where he feels like your best friend and sponsor all in one
i honestly see gojo not having a preference for specific sugar babies, but he doesn’t like babies who are ashamed of their relationship. like it’s one thing to be private of your relationship but another to introduce satoru as just your trust fund without alluding to your relationship
“he’s helping me with my university fees” like yeah any rich FRIEND could do that but it’s different from hooking an arm around his to introduce you two as a couple
sure maybe he may have blurred the lines at first when touches became more personal and whatnot but at this point he’s basically your boyfriend — even if you don’t want to explain the sugar daddy part, he still wants to be know as your partner and equal
you two “met” at an event where you were paid minimum wage for a waitress job, serving drinks to rich ppl and he’s so entranced with how you move. it’s not until later when he goes outside to accompany geto for a smoke that he sees you and your friends who worked the job together just talking and laughing in the parking lot while you rested your feet 
it was cute and refreshing seeing your laughter after experiencing your stoic expression in the stuffy event even he didnt want to go to. since it was once of the first few events he started attending as a new CEO
made an impression by approaching you when your friends went in and your back was turned but you took him as a creep and screamed and punched him and he’s groaning while you just apologise profusely
it’s his fault, he knows, approaching in such a dark area but he doesnt mind the dark bruise forming on his nose bridge even when his best friend was laughing from a distance and youre helping him off the ground. your hands are so soft and your voice so sweet he swears he wants to protect you from the get go
after that whole hooha, he finds out youre still a uni student trying to pay off fees and randomly asks if you want to be his sugar baby and realises he wants you to be his gf when you’re playing some digimon video game at his house, enjoying your winter break. youre triumphant in the round and he grabs your wrist mid celebratory pose and pulls you to him
are you going to punch me for payback? gojo pfts and laughs, and just says just wanted to tell you i like you and LEAVES dude is so afraid of your answer until youre wrapping your arms arnd him from behind muttering out a finally and hearing the vibration of his chuckle
gojo wants his baby to ask for help when you needs it, and doesn’t mind being spoiled
LOVES to buy you flashy stuff. glittery, bright coloured things (that somehow still look classy) that scream expensive. gojo is very good at persuasion. he listens you dont like it however
i feel like the more he gets to know you, he understands your style more so while some of the things he buys are still fairly gaudy, you’re surprised every time he manages to purchase something that fits your preference. he’s gotten very good at it
gojo wires you money when he feels like it, whenever. he calls what he has a “sugar baby radar” and it’s just him thinking youre panicking over not having money for a textbook or something and just types in a random amount to transfer to you lol
he’s just a chill guy though, who wants to be a good boyfriend as he is a sugar daddy. like yeah he’s had sugar babies before and he enjoys giving but you’ve always hooked him in from day one and he realises he doesn’t just want to give you money but love too
gojo wants a bit of balance in the relationship as well — so he accompanies you to fashion stores to try on clothes but he would also love it if you followed him to tailor stores or watch stores for normal CEO stuff 
you roll your eyes but actually you love every suit he changes into, and you always think of taking him right there
he LOVES his sunglasses that’s one thing he’s always dragging you to look at
and then there is interests that involve the both of you: lingerie shopping lol, jewellery, etc
he gets you a little G.S. initial necklace for your second anni and it looks so cute on you
clingy and so annoying bout it. you love it tho, seeing such a rich guy babble out five more minutes with hair sticking out everywhere.
he surrenders to you easily in the way he lets you crash his place whenever you’re cramming for an exam, or just needs some comfort. his things becomes yours very easily and he smiles when he finds himself wanting to learn how to cook properly when you’re sleeping in
likes to buy lingerie that matches his eyes, but ofc also picking your preferred colour. but seeing the fabric that matches the blue of his eyes drives him crazy, but also he gets to say “my eyes are always on you” and it’s just a reference to how there’s baby blue lingerie on you
HES SO LAME . i swear to god.
also a little bit of a boomer when it comes to younger slang and whatnot and it’s endearing to see when he’s supposed to be a CEO but you can’t help but laugh when he asks you for help on what fomo meant
very open on topics that touchy subjects or sensitive things. he may appear loud and annoying but he’s got depth to him due to his hardships since he was young. like yeah sure a guy who already was in line to take over his father couldn’t have hardships when he was young but he’s always despised this line of work. satoru is still finding a way to break off from his toxic family business to create his own, something that wont come without blackmail and scandals
the first time you heard this you were surprised because you had never seen gojo so serious before. he mentions it’s not obligatory for you to open up as well, but you mumble along about always struggling with money and working jobs to make ends meet. it’s not detrimental, but sometimes you wish there was someone treating you to a small meal or drink
this vulnerable state was early on in your relationship as well, and as you two go along, gojo is so grateful to be able to take care of you. it strengthens your relationship as well, because while you have your funny, hysterical moments, being vulnerable with your sugar daddy turned boyfriend is everything you could ask for
gojo realises the first time he might put a ring on you was when you guys had sex that was intense and broke the headboard LMFAO you two laughed about it during it, but during aftercare you’re patting his chest, telling him how you’ll end work early to meet him at IKEA to get a new one tomorrow — that simple act of going with someone to find furniture like ohhhh my god he was so whipped
like it’s one thing to buy clothes and material things but when you said that, flashes of your possible married life flashed before his eyes and he wants to say i love you but finds you’re already asleep. he can’t wait to actually move out of his family sponsored home into an apartment with you. gojo doesn’t care if it’s smaller than mansions and penthouses. if you’re happy, he is.
n*sfw hc’s below
gojo is open to a lot of things regarding your sex life. he didn’t want to scare you when you first started out but when he found out you’re just as much of a freak as he is he’s going to pound town baby!
not big on the daddy kink ngl (and he also because he’s too pathetic to be called a daddy), but loves using it in the context of cumming in you and breeding you and the prospect of you being pregnant with his child. 
even if it’s not on his checklist right now, he just loves the filthiness and saying things like that
loves to fuck in bathrooms of important events, the cold marble against your skin making you freeze up as your eyes can hardly focus on your reflection. you’re just thankful you were able to find the ‘cleaning’ sign to prevent anyone from entering
loves to tease you and threaten to take away his black card and youre whining. hes annoying, asking you to use your words and youre begging to cum on his fingers.
very playful in the bedroom but he’s always calling you his dumb baby who loves getting fucked stupid by him until theres only money and him on your mind
loves it when you wear the extensions to the G.S. initial necklace, buying four more initials: two for your wrist, two for your ankles so he can hear it jingle when you stroke his cock while your flick your tongue at his tip
r hear it next to his ear when your legs are on his shoulder as he rails into you
on a funnier note he would totally fuck you on a bed of money. just for shits and giggles
loves to film you especially in his office, whether you’re playing with yourself or sucking him off or getting fucked he loves it so much bc of the fact he’s so unprofessional in a professional setting
gojo likes it when you initiate sex, especially in places that are risky and pretty public. his office is a starter, coming in dressed in a tight pencil skirt to mirror his insufferable PA who kept making advances on him. she was demoted the very next day LMFAO
but yeah you wore the skirt to provoke him, pulling his tie over the table while a stocking clad knee rests on his wooden desk. there’s a confidence in you he’s never seen before and he just cant resist flicking his eyes down to the suffocating button up shirt you’ve got on
satoru doesn’t care that his whole office can hear you moan out his name or the slaps of his balls on your ass. or doesn’t really care about the construction workers looking at you two go at it like rabbits from the opposite building
the heat of the glass paired with your body that feels on fire is enough to make you lightheaded but the eyes and ears peeking in on your intercourse is so thrilling to you bc you know gojo can just pay them off to shut the fuck up
loves you on your knees giving him head when he’s in an important meeting, the swirl of your tongue feeling so good on his length
but what’s more he loves giving you head even more. doesnt matter where. office table, washing machine, bed, he’s so in love with your cum and cunt and has to eat you out at least once a day
gojo loves to cum in you but also on your face, especially if you wear glasses. seeing his white hot cum splattered on your lenses and your face while your tongue darts out to lick some of it off he swear there’s a few more blobs of cum that seeps out from his tip
warnings for drabble: reader has glasses, pet names, oral (m receiving), deepthroating, face-fucking, praise, facial, cum eating, semi-public sex 
“baby— sweetness, oh my g-god…” gojo whines out, once the board members are out of the meeting room, rolling his chair back slowly while you follow on your knees, cock still in your mouth. he’s glancing down at you with such need you’d think you’re the one leading the relationship, the hands in your hair tightening when you lick down his shaft before taking one of his balls in his mouth, sucking at the sack while pumping him.
the long acrylic nails that he paid for are on display along with your G.S. bracelet as you pump his dick, slick, wet noises fill the spacious meeting room. gojo almost wants to say something but your head descends on his large cock again, taking him right to the back of your mouth when his tip hits your throat and you struggle to keep your eyes open as you breathe through your nose.
“fuuckk… that’s it. take me s’well,” satoru moans at the tears forming at your waterline, pulling your head off for a moment for you to catch your breath and you know what he wants to do, because his hips cannot resist one bit whenever you’ve got his dick in your mouth. slowly, he starts to move his body off the office chair, thrusting up into your waiting, obedient mouth and he moans so loud he isn‘t surprised someone hasn’t come in already.
“so wet and warm, princess— s-shit, can’t wait to fuck your cute little pussy,” he has a foul mouth, and you moan around his length at the words, hands tensing around his thighs as he continued to fuck your face. gojo is so rough that your glasses are messed up, tilting to one side but you continue to feel up his body. you would get fired like this, sucking the cock of someone who has their pants pulled down halfway while wet, gurgling noises fill the space. but you knew the CEO, the man who’s now whining out your name as his hips start to stutter, eyes scrunched up in pure pleasure before forcing you off his cock, hands stroking his leaking cock in quick movements. you adjust your glasses like a good girl, sticking out your tongue as you admire the sight before you. want my cum all over your face, angelface?
satoru whimpers out that he’s gonna cum! with his heavy, beautiful cock out, pumping harshly before he shoots his load all over you, spilling his white, viscous liquid all over your face and glasses and you swallow whatever that’s close to your mouth and tongue, darting out to lick up the heavy ball of cum still leaking from his sensitive tip, and he jolts on your tongue.
you giggle, hand closing around his length once more and gojo just groans at its warmth. he loves it, he loves everything ’bout you and he can’t wait to turn over the tables later when he hears you say, “again.”
✶GETO
doting sugar daddy!!! out of sex life he’s the most ‘giving’, but he has his moments of depriving you of things because you being a brat but yes he’s the softest in the normal context of a relationship
similarly, not much preference for sugar babies but he wouldn’t like babies who ask for too much? idk if that makes sense but it’s more of being given so many options of a type of clothing or bag but still whining to want something more expensive
like the money doesn’t bother him but it’s more of your attitude regarding material things. can’t stand babies who are rotten to the core and are actually spoiled that it ruins the act of him giving you things and of you asking for things because no matter what he buys you’re not satisfied
it also pisses him off if it carries into your way of treating people, dragging him away from his co-workers to only want him for yourself, that sort of thing
yea… that. unfortunately he’s had his fair share of babies like that, bc he’s so generous they end up so spoiled and terrible that even now he’s still getting texts from them. poor guy
he likes if you’re able to bite back with your own sort of fire, he doesnt expect you to if you dont like to but it turns him on seeing you shout at a co-worker for gossiping about your relationship perhaps
he met you through your intern position at his company, and it’s been a few weeks before you’re confused at why the CEO wanted to see you 
hes not one to rush into relationships but he was so interested in seeing you react to being asked to be his sugar baby that he blurts it out and slaps his hand on his mouth. “wrong thing. my bad”
when you’ve been under his care for a few months, he sees how hard you work while completing other assignments at lunch, he wants you to surrender to him when you need the comfort. lets you sleep in his office and reluctantly stroked your hair, shaking when you lean into the affection. ends up sleeping on the floor watching you and gets massive back pain and suffocates when you fall onto your boss at 7am in the morning
unfortunately the two of you were not exactly on the same page that day. you thought it was a one off thing. geto thinks youre already dating. this goes on for a few weeks ;;;
geto NEEVERR asked you out so you were surprised to find that geto wanted to be like, an actual boyfriend and an actual date when he showed you a piece of paper and it was like a new pottery studio that opened down the road
and he just says “i thought we already were dating?????”
yeah like he wasnt giving you more things than usual and being more touchy with you. you didnt want to read into it too much okay!!!!
but it’s fine, because geto was one of the best boyfriend you ever had. youre convinced he would be a great bf even if you werent in this sugar daddy / baby arrangement
geto likes to show you off quietly, a hand on your back and your thigh, or a whisper to your ears that it has the other workers talking, but you don’t mind when the things he says are sometimes the sweetest things. they’re also filthy.
it isnt bc he doesn’t want to show you off, but he likes the attention and gossip when you enter his office for the nth time that day and the eyes on him like he’s committing a crime. he likes the eyes that follow you knowing they can't have you. but he pays them, so they can’t say much
suguru loves to buy things that are for his eyes, going back to the ‘showing you off quietly’ part, like paying for a tattoo on your lower back, an anklet that’s sometimes hidden in your shoe, a belly button piercing, lingerie, he loves it
ofc he loves buying you clothes and dresses too, but he sometimes gets a bit jealous of everyone’s eyes on you so they’re sometimes a little less revealing than you would like
ok i should clarify too: he LIKES everyone’s eyes on you only when he knows he can show and tell them that youre his. but how tf is he supposed to do that with a mere dress??? u get what i mean
he’s not going to be an asshole and not let you wear a revealing piece of apparel that you like tho! but just know what you’ll be getting later at night lol
geto is very on trend as an older person, sometimes sending you tiktok trends you can do or updating you on conventions or events that you are interested in
he likes routine, so everyday he’ll be transferring a set amount of money to you for your daily allowance but sometimes you dont even use it all so it just piles up in your account lol
and he is observant, always wiring you more money than usual if you’re going out with your friends or meeting a friend for a bday, sacrificing his time to learn about your major so he can help you in whatever way he can !!! he’s that sort of bf
gives you handmade gifts sometimes!! it’s soooo endearing when he makes time for it and gives you something that isnt bought w/ money. likes to do those photo ones bc theyre ones that mean more to him, but he also rlly likes writing letters under them and giving you like a seven page letter talking bout why youre a blessing to him
is pretty stylish when he’s not in his suits. likes to wear baggy clothes like he’s nineteen again and he looks young enough to pull it off so you two always look cool when you two go out
weirdly his personality at work and on dates is vastly different from each other. you think that maybe he wants to keep work, work. but later on in the relationship you both realise it’s how you’re so easy-going to be around that he doesn’t have to be dominating with you??? like he’s so okay with you putting bunny ears on him or having his arm hooked around yours instead. basically he’s very comfortable in his masculinity and he wishes he could be like that at work too, but the finance bros would be questioning why this guy was even their CEO
geto listens to you easily. and like i said hes observant, bringing you a glass of water when you’re coughing or opening the blinds of his office when you’re reading. the smile you give him after every favour he does is enough reward for him, and he really doesn’t mind doing all those things for you either.
basically worships you, so when you’re suggesting that his company start having courses for men to learn how to be proper human beings (following your question of why he’s so diff at work vs with you), he’s immediately setting up a meeting to achieve that. the guys who are borderline misogynists obviously leave immediately and hes just like. why didnt i think of that b4????
is always always thinking of you. he’s become so distracted in meetings and conversations sometimes and your spell on him is hypnotising.
the first time he realises he properly loves you (and also wants to marry you) is when you two make love. like yes you’ve fucked and shit but it happens inside a shower where you offered to wash his hair. it’s cute seeing you stand on a small stool to reach his height, but the feel of your fingers massaging the shampoo into his scalp is soooo good. and from there he lets you wash his body with the loofah too, scrubbing down every inch until ofc one thing leads to another
he thinks it was your hands that held so much love, washing his body that the sex was slow and had a lot of feelings laced with it.
he also didn’t want to fall, though. but you slipped a little after coming the first time and geto was able to catch you in time. you shared giggles and a little kiss and he thinks that maybe this life forever with you would be one of the best things to happen to him
his resolve solidifies later when he’s calling his usual tiler to retile the showering part of the bathroom and when he ends the call he just goes would i do this for anyone else?
yeah probably not — and so geto buys a ring the very next day
n*sfw hc’s below
very comfortable with letting you take the lead if you want to, but usually likes to be the one running the show
like gojo he is very open to things but only if you’re okay with it. like you have to be the one to bring it up or he’s afraid he’ll scare you lol
gets turned on easily, but he’s very good at hiding it. like the day you wore a revealing dress to his office. it was so difficult not to moan out when he sees you walk through the door. he wanted to stand up and kiss you SO bad but he was in a zoom meeting with potential clients lmfao
but he made sure you knew you wouldnt be teasing him and getting off so easily that day after he asks you to stay where you were and he ended up making up some lame excuse of having another meeting anyway before he leaves the call and locks the door and slams you against it and he hikes up your dress as he places a leg on his shoulder
geto eats you out right then and there
also rmb how i said he gets jealous of ppl staring at you? well suguru loves it if it were to happen in a sexual context and he gets to fuck you in front of everybody. he just cant show them you belong to him at a normal event in a dress he bought, but he’s totally fine with pounding you from behind and letting them watch as you get ruined with tears and mascara running down your face
can be really mean behind doors if he’s not sweet with you. you like to tease him!!!! Sometimes you’re punished for it!!!! geto loves both ends of the spectrum: denying you your high and overstimulating you. he only ever denies you if youre being a brat but usually he likes to make you cum on his tongue multiple times before he’s fucking you
he enjoys your face of want and need, either grinding against him to cum (denial) or pushing him away despite your body wanting it (overstim)
sometimes makes you work for your allowance and tells you to tell him who’s fucking you so good just for some money in your pocket. your pussy is too good so he was going to give it to you anyway 
is not opposed to voyeurism. usually he brings his best friend over to fuck you and bc he’s a whiny bitch, geto gets off to both of you fucking like dogs in heat with a slow pace to his hand. often initiates threesomes with gojo and makes him the middle man, fucking him while gojo fucks you and he loves it every time. sometimes he makes gojo watch the two of you too
but he also loves it when you take two cocks in you, him up your pussy bc youre his, first and foremost, while satoru takes your ass. 
regarding sex, suguru likes it when you take the reins to pleasure yourself. he gets off seeing you use him as ive mentioned in the previous drabble, and just like the denial / overstim part, loves to see your mouth contort into an ‘o’ along with your rolled back eyes. bounce on his dick, ride his face, slobber over his cock while you rub your clit, he fuckin loves it
not big on the daddy thing either, but it depends on his mood tbh. im not sure how that works but he likes when you use it when youre deep in subspace and just going limp as he fucks you and all can manage is moaning out small “daddy’s” helplessly
warnings for drabble: gojo watches, sub!gojo, voyeurism, insinuation of stsg, exhibitionism, m! masturbation, overstimulation, semi-public sex, oral (f and slight m receiving) / cunnilingus, clit stimulation, pet names, praise, cum eating, implied threesome + 2nd round
“suguru— no, f-fuck, they’re gonna hear!” you muffle your moans with your mouth, hand clasped tight onto your lips while you’re pressed up against the door. you’ve been like this for three orgasms already, legs shaking while you struggle to keep your knees from buckling under you. it’s like geto doesn’t even care how the office door is so thin, occasional thumps occurring from how geto pushes you against the wood. the workers outside obviously know what’s going on, but they don’t dare say a word.
“let me enjoy this, princess,” he manages to say quickly before going back to slurping up your juices, but while you think your situation is bad, you’re glancing over to gojo in geto’s office chair, hand stroking his cock languidly, but every so often you can see how satoru thrusts his hips into the air, needing anything but his own hand right now. “and keep eye contact with satoru.”
geto purrs out his best friend’s name, pulling your hips towards his relentless mouth as your arousal drips down your inner thighs and legs. across you, there’s gojo who looks like he wants to touch the both of you so terribly, but is only subjected to tearful eyes and his warm hand that doesn’t compare to suguru’s or your mouth, little pants leaving his mouth. he watches as you grind your hips into his best friend’s mouth, the obscene noises of your sopping wet cunt makes him twitch in his hand.
“babygirl… suguru…” he whines out, sweat dripping down his body at the stuffiness of the office while the slick noises of him stroking his length reverberates throughout the room. geto hums at his begging voice, but only sucks on your clit harder and it makes you moan out, hands getting lost in his long black hair while your eyes are threatening to roll to the back of your head. the only ground you have now is satoru’s bright blue ones, a shiver going through you when he whimpers out your name
“you’re doing so well, s-satoru… shit,” you’re calling out to the white-haired male who locks eyes with you, both turned on at such a sight: the sweaty hair stuck to your face and your beautiful sounds, the flush on gojo’s cheeks and his angry tip that’s leaking pre-cum. “suguruu… oh my god—”
“yeah?” he speaks in between slobbering all over your pussy, “so fuckin’ wet for me, baby,” flicking and playing with your puffy, sensitive clit with his tongue until you hunch over him on a particular lick, the leg over his shoulder squeezing him so much that it cramps and you’re cumming suddenly and you’re forgetting about satoru and everyone outside. your head slams so hard against the door that you get a little lightheaded, but the crashing of your fourth orgasm is all you can fixate on as your body shudders and incessant whines escape your mouth.
“my favourite meal of the day,” geto smiles from below you and grins when you mumble out how it’s more of his fourth meal of the day, taking a hand from his hair before he places a kiss on the back of it and spares a glance towards gojo who’s close to crying.
with a nod from suguru, you’re walking on shaky legs before kneeling before satoru, wrapping your lips ’round his tip and that’s all it takes for him to cum, shooting ropes upon ropes of hot semen down your throat as you stroke his base. the other is bucking his hips into your mouth at the sensitivity, moaning out both your name and suguru’s.
“attagirl.” you slyly smile at the praise that befalls on your ears before showing both of them the cum that’s left on your tongue, already excited for the next round.
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4K notes · View notes
yeagerfate · 10 months
Text
big spoon or little spoon?
characters: miles morales (earth-1610), miguel o’hara, hobie brown, gwen stacy, pavitr prabhakar
warnings: none lol
notes: i didn’t proofread this because i’m exhausted from a bunch of irl stuff, so i’ll come check this out later and see if i need to fix anything. don’t really like how this went at all but i need something to post so oh well <3 might delete this later kinda depends. also i got my first writing request which i am very excited about hehe
Honestly, it all really depends on Miles’ mood. If he’s had a good day, then he’ll definitely be spooning you. However, if something went wrong, he will be seeking your comfort and attention. One of your most memorable moments with Miles’ was spooning him for the first time. He’d completely flunked an exam because he was out on a really dangerous mission the night before. In shambles, Miles had told you that he hadn’t slept at all and fell asleep during the test. He was really nervous to tell his parents about it because he didn’t know what his excuse would be. The last thing he wanted was for them to think he was out at some party, or just being irresponsible. He slept like a baby after you consoled him, his head resting on your chest as you ran your hand up and down his back with the other holding his head. Although it was a bittersweet moment, you enjoyed it, and the way Miles had drooled in his sleep had you trying not to wake him up from your sweet giggling.
Miguel’s in denial, but he’s a little spoon. The feeling of your hands running through his wavy hair at the end of a stressful day at work is something he’s grown addicted to. He’s a bit ashamed of it, as he thinks he should be the one holding you, but you quickly snap him out of it. Miguel finds solace in your arms, and for a couple hours it’s nice to forget about all of the emotional turmoil from work. Though, if you ever ask for it, Miguel will absolutely hold you. Sometimes, it’s nice to feel your head resting on his muscular chest and your warmth on him. In the mornings, it’s especially hard for Miguel to get up. Your arms are just so comfy and snug, and he feels like he’s at home when he’s with you. Lyla makes fun of him for it, calling him a “simp” (he doesn’t know what it means), but he doesn’t care. The way your face lights up when you feel his toned arms wrapped tightly around your face is something he’d never want to give up.
Hobie is a big spoon. He’s not big into snuggling, as he likes his personal space, but once you get into it, you get into it. (He is very affectionate with the people he cares about, though!) He’s found that the most comfortable position would be with your back against his chest and his arm wrapped around your stomach, his face hidden in your neck sweetly. It can get a little irritating, since Hobie is a big snorer. He also has a warmer body temperature, so in the summer, you’ll have to resolve to holding each other’s hands. It’s both endearing and frustrating, but it’s for Hobie, and that makes it worth it. During cuddling, the bonnet he wears tickles your neck. It’s hard to hold in the automatic laugh you have from it because he’s trying to sleep. Cuddling with Hobie is messy, fun, and enjoyable. It’s just so… Hobie.
Gwen, despite her average height, is a big spoon. She likes the feeling of being able to just hold and protect you. Gwen has lost so much, and so she feels she has to make sure you’re safe at all times. One of the way she does this is by holding you close to her her neck, your head resting on her shoulder as she runs her hands down your back. It doesn’t matter how tall you are. Even if you’re a foot taller than her, you’ll still be held by her. However, Gwen occasionally has nightmares, and so when she wakes up she’d like to be embraced by you. When she has her head pressed against you chest, and she can hear the sound of your heartbeat, it really makes her feel better. It reassures her panicking brain that you’re alive, you’re here, and you’re fine. It’s a soothing feeling, one that’s hard to describe. All she knows is that she really treasures it.
Pavitr is very enthusiastic about all types of physical affection, and that includes cuddling. He is a big spoon, though he doesn’t mind trading places at all. While you’re cuddling, he loves to tell you about how his day went. If you know that he’s spider-man, he’ll tell you all about the adventures he went on with his friends. Sometimes, he’ll even rant about Miguel, which is very amusing. However, if you don’t know that he’s spider-man, Pavitr will take a much different approach. Instead, he’ll ask you to tell him about your day. He asks you if you saw anything you liked at the stores nearby, or if you tried any new food. He likes to take note of these revelations because they make for great gifts. Pavitr is a very talkative cuddler, but on tiring days, he’ll be out like a light after 5 minutes. It all depends on how his day went.
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charmercharm3r · 9 months
Text
Make Love, Not Porn
Play Time!
HHJ
Masterlist, Series Masterlist
18+ content — minors, do not interact.
wc: 3.8k
Synopsis: You crave a life of normalcy, he craves you. And he'd do anything to keep you, even if you're for the world to see.
warnings: barista!hyunjin x cam girl!reader, smut, explicit sexual content, masturbation (m, f), he's a little obsessed, easing into the smuttier smut if that's even a thing.
Live : Play Time!
Next Scheduled Broadcast : Heat Signature
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☆゚
Rule number one; everybody is temporary.
There is no love in this industry, no trust, no friends, only coworkers that all want the same thing. Sometimes you work with them more than once, other times– most times, it’s a one-and-done deal.
They never want to stay anyways, you learned that lesson the hard way. It’s why you set up such a tough wall to break through, there’s no point in befriending anyone on your side of the pond.
It’s scary, really, how quickly you can be moaning someone’s name, kissing them like you need them to breathe, touching and feeling them as intimately as someone who truly was in love. Then as soon as the livestream ends, you can’t remember what their lips feel like and everything smells like latex and sweat. You offer them some water, snacks, a shower. They usually decline. Minutes later, your front door is shutting and you’re alone once again.
No one ever intends on getting into porn, you don’t even remember the details on how you ended up here. Your follower count had risen overnight and before you knew it, that one video had gotten you more money in a week than a month’s worth of minimum wage ever did. The humiliation was nonexistent considering you hadn’t even posted yourself naked that first time, if anything you were excited to post again. Who knew a video of you just sitting in a chair, playing with yourself under your skirt with your knees pressed closed would take off so rapidly. That thirty second video changed your life.
– fuck, who is this?? are they new??
– thats so hot. face reveal?
– show us your tits
– god i wanna fuck u so bad
– suck my dick pls
Those comments didn’t bother you, it was a little flattering if you were being honest with yourself. People wanted you, they don’t even know your real name, have never seen your face or what you look like in the sunlight. They don’t know you and yet, you’re everything to them, so much so that they pay you for your time, and body. They fill your wallet just for you to read their comment out loud, attention whores for you. And you love it. For some reason, their praise is much more fulfilling than anyone you've guested on your livestreams.
Recently, though, you’ve stopped bringing people on, not much to your viewer’s disapproval. There was more interaction and less vulgarity, like they wanted you to actually speak to them rather than just stuff your pussy with whatever new dildo you’d been gifted in your PO box.
You hadn’t planned on having such a personal stream today, you honestly just wanted the relief and thought your viewers would have a good time. But for some reason, the comments were less about getting you to take your clothes off and more about why your voice was shaking.
“It’s okay, I’m okay. Really!” Even you could hear the subtle octave change. “If you wanted me to cry, you could’ve just said please. You know I’ll do anything for you.” 
Perhaps the forced sultriness of your voice worked its charm, the comments quickly switched back to their normal obscenities once you started to unbutton your top. Truthfully, you preferred when they asked you to get naked, it was a lot easier to do than to admit what it was you were really lacking. Honest companionship is the rarest thing.
Rule number two: no identifying features.
Even if you weren’t ashamed, your job is still taboo. No one and everyone knew what it was you did. Your best friend helped you pick lingerie and background mood lighting, your parents thought you were an office worker. Strangers have seen your most private parts, you only allow your grandma to give you a kiss on the cheek during Christmas. Safe to say your occupation was strictly need-to-know.
You’re glad you started live streaming before deciding to get any tattoos, running the risk of someone stopping you in the middle of the street was the most terrifying thing you could imagine happening. Naturally, you avoided getting anything at all once your streams started to really take off.
There was nothing you wore to accessorize unless a patron paid for it in advance, that was always done a week before streams and the contact with the patron was never more than a simple google form and an email from your business account to confirm. Other than that, you were a blank canvas, just a body with a voice that left more to the imagination than you would think. If your viewers were happy, you were happy.
“What do you think of my new nail color? A special someone picked it out for me,” you held out your hands to display the pretty shine, twiddling your fingers. The comments went crazy, “no, no, not anyone like that, c’mon! You know you’re my number one. But I think you should all give lovely user callingherdaddy a thank you for picking it out. Thank you, sir.”
You took the polish off the next morning.
Rule number three: be consistent.
Nothing kills a steady income more than ghosting the ones that put the money in your pocket. You stuck to a strict schedule of three streams every week and frequent posts on your socials. The stuff you posted on your social media wasn’t even related to your work on camming, but it doesn’t hurt when they leave a couple nice comments. 
With a schedule and job like yours, you need a little bit of normalcy. Self employed, you don’t have a real routine when you aren’t streaming. It was starting to make you feel lazy, a bit lethargic, and overall unmotivated.
It wasn’t until recently did you decide to start doing normal people things, like waking up at 7 a.m., doing a mini work out, grocery shopping in the morning, even getting yourself a coffee from the shop near your house as a treat. Doing this was nice, you felt good, your head was clearer. Hell, you even got excited when it came time to do your cams because you felt so full of energy.
You had only been to the coffee shop once or twice before, but to get yourself to keep the routine, you told yourself you’d go every day for the next two weeks. Afterall, it only takes 21 days to form a habit.
It was packed, as usual for a morning weekday. There were only about six baristas working, all scurrying about the bar to get through the morning rush. You liked watching them, mindlessly completing drinks in such a way that made you a little jealous. Most of them seemed your age, obviously you knew that they couldn’t have all had perfect lives, but at least this part of their day was something they could openly complain about.
Were you really jealous? Of normal people? You had to be insane.
Shaking your head, you walked further into the shop and waited in line. You thought nothing of it, placing your order, “iced chai with three blonde shots, please,” and handed the barista the card, “thank you.”
You barely looked up at him, only when he held onto your card a little longer as you tried to take it back did you make eye contact. A little awkward, the barista was staring at you with wide eyes. He was handsome, too handsome to be working behind the counter. Long black hair framed his face nicely, pretty plump lips, and an endearing little mole under his eye that made his siren stare only slightly less intimidating. Yeah, handsome.
He didn’t look away even after he let you take your card back.
“S– sorry. You look like–”
“It’s okay. Thanks again.” You hurried away as fast as you could. He couldn’t have known who you were, right? Not a chance, you have never shown your face. You were wearing too many clothes for any particular body part to be recognizable. It’s just a coincidence.
Either way, the minor interaction with the barista scared you into hiding again, forgetting going out for anything else you had planned and deciding to hole away at home.
You had a livestream to do later anyways, focus on that. There were a few hours left for you to kill before turning on the camera, now would be as good a time as any to set up.
It wasn’t much that you did, mostly just thinking of what it was you thought viewers would like to see for the day. An hour before the scheduled stream, you set up a waiting room on the website that hinted at what the day’s theme would be. Today you thought you’d go a little easy on the eyes; “live soon, hardcandysweetheart: play time! <3”
A typical stream would start off soft, greeting viewers like any other meeting. You’d ask how their day was, if there was anything in particular they wanted to do or talk about, some answered genuinely while others urged you to strip. You liked the ones that asked you how your day was, too, and enjoyed sharing your thoughts with them. Though, it was no secret what everyone was here for, even if sometimes– just sometimes, you liked what came before taking off your clothes more than anything.
“I have a few things in mind for play time today, I’d like to hear what you guys think. Would you prefer this,” in your hand, you held up your favorite vibrator, big and baby pink. “Or this?” in the other, a new grinder that resembled the shape of a tentacle with the sucker-side up.
Comment section didn’t slow down as soon as you showed the second toy. “I thought you might like this one. I got it just for you! I’m excited to try it out with you.”
– im so fucking hard
– i wanna see ur pussy
– thats so nice, ur sweet
“Slow down! Haha, we’re gonna take our time,” you laughed away the weird feeling in your chest as you read the fleeing comments. “You’re so impatient today, lovely. Did you have a hard day? I know I did,” you slowly peeled down the blouse you wore, letting it hang off your shoulders to expose your bare shoulders. It seemed redundant to wear a bra, but you kept the shirt covering your breasts for dramatic effect, hard nipples peaking through.
“I just wanna take it a little more… gentler, if that’s alright.” The camera was angled to cut off at your neck to avoid showing your face, but you bit your lip anyways as you held up the grinder. “It’s a little out of my comfort zone, honestly. I’ve never told you about this fantasy before.” You ran your finger down the rubber center, feeling the many little suction cups bend.
You giggled as you came to the swirled tip of the tentacle, playing with the way it curled and how pliable it was. “When I ordered this, they let me choose the color. I think pink suits me, don’t you? But I also thought, maybe blue? Or black… but then it would be too hard for you to see, right?”
As you spoke, you laid the grinder between your legs but not quite touching it. With two fingers, you stroked it the same way you would your own pussy. Your other free hand was doing just that right behind the toy and beneath the length of your shirt, feeling your wetness building up with your hand down your panties. “Oh my, just talking to you– my underwear is soaked!” The giggle that left your lips was genuine, you didn’t expect to work yourself up so quickly.
You stole your fingers from your cunt and showed it to the camera, spreading them to let your viewers see the slick coating shine in the soft lighting. “Heh, told ya I was excited. You make me like this.”
When you started to really get going it was hard to pay attention to the comments, you tended to get a little lost until you finally came. Like now, you brought the toy closer to your core, lightly lifting yourself to sit on it. As soon as you did, you let out a whimper.
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Hyunjin had never felt so embarrassed in his life. He doesn’t even know why, he couldn’t have been sure of anything.
Except he was. He was 100% sure, plus another 10% for good measure. He hadn’t even known about the site for long, you were just his favorite. He’d found hardcandysweetheart and never bothered to look anywhere else.
You were just another customer at first, a pretty one that caught his attention. He noticed you in line and had every intention of flirting and possibly asking for you to sign up for the rewards program with them just so he could use that as an excuse to get your number. Then you spoke.
All you fucking did was speak. “Please,” and “thank you,” and Hyunjin fucking crumbled.
Jesus, he must have looked like an idiot. He knows he did, but he was star struck. Fanboying, red in the face with embarrassment, about to fold at the knees, and hard as a fucking rock all at the same time. He had to excuse himself to the restroom as soon as you left just to get his boner to go away.
If it really was you– and he hoped to god it wasn’t– he’ll never forget such a pretty face.
Which is why he turned on notifications for your stream. He knew your schedule by heart but he needed to be sure that it was your voice he heard. As soon as he got home from his shift, clothes came off and he was sat in bed with his laptop nearby, just waiting for the ping notification from you.
God, it was you. As soon as he heard you through his headphones, it confirmed what he already knew.
What a kind voice, supple, soft, he could listen to you for hours– he has listened to you for hours. Sometimes he wished you could do live streams of just you talking, you never even had to take your clothes off. Now that he knew what you looked like, Hyunjin’s heartbeat faster than it ever did when you made conversation.
It was the way you did, as though you were speaking to him and only him. The image he created of you in his head looked like it was thought up by a child in comparison to seeing you in real life. He could put a face to the voice now, he wasn’t even thinking about your body. Just your voice.
“You make me like this,” you said in almost a whisper, tone cracking just a little the more you sat on the toy.
Hyunjin couldn’t help but palm at himself, not entirely stroking but moving at the same pace. This was a team effort, in his mind. You made him crazy, as he did to you. That was his fantasy. You always spoke with so much love in your voice, as though you truly cared for him and it got him harder than any other kind of porn ever could.
Was that really all it took? Was he that pathetic? Someone who didn’t even know who he was, talking to an ocean of people that all saw the same thing he did, and suddenly it’s the only thing that can make him cum.
He can’t even complain now, he’s seen you. That’s enough spank bank to last him a lifetime if you ever suddenly decided to stop camming. Shit– he hopes he didn’t just manifest that into existence.
The white button up top draped in front of your cunt to hide away from view. That’s alright, you said you were taking it slow today. Your hips slowly pushed forward and back, hands gripping tightly at the armrests of your uncomfortable looking desk chair. Hyunjin thought it was kind of cute how you would still cam in the same seat as you did when he found your first video. 
His laptop on his abdomen concealed the view of his cock leaking, but the way you were sat on screen, he could envision it was him you were sitting on instead. That’s exactly what he imagined as you rocked faster into the toy, lifting your shirt and balling it in your fist to show that your wetness had spread to the front of your panties. Hyunjin didn’t even mind that the bold pink tentacle blocking a bit of the view, you were getting so into it that he hardly noticed anymore.
Hyunjin fumbled to find his dick, slowly beginning to squeeze the head as you turned to shorter and quicker ruts towards the front of the toy where the tentacle curled up. You moaned loudly, making him do so as well in return. “Fuck, I ruined this pair, didn’t I?”
Your cute laugh had Hyunjin breaking out into a smirk, “that’s okay,” he whispered to no one but himself.
“I should take it off but,” you rolled your hips again with a whine, “I kinda want you to work for it.”
The tips in the corner of the page were pinging like crazy as soon as you said that. He himself tapped the button rapidly and paid no mind to how his account balance shot down.
“C’mon now, don’t be shy. It’s just one little word that I wanna hear. I’ll say it first, if that makes you feel better.” The speed of your hips picked up a little, in turn Hyunjin let his fist slowly work up and down, no faster than you, of course.
“Please. Please, is the word I’m looking for, lovely. Say it, just once.”
Fuck, he couldn’t help speeding up just a little. He loved the way you said it, even more the way you commanded him to say it as well. “Please,” the whimper came out breathy and uneven as the precum lubricated his cock more.
“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Hyunjin shook his head, no. 
“No, it wasn’t. Look what happens when you ask nicely,” you stood from your seat just to pull off the flimsy fabric, sitting fully back down on the toy and holding up the soaked pair with another chuckle. “You get nice things.”
Hyunjin could hear how wet you really were now, every lewd sound that came from you rubbing yourself back and forth on the grinder. You still didn’t let him– them– see you fully. He wasn’t even sure if you’d expose yourself at all this stream. Still, his fist picked up speed as you did, taking in every grunt you let out when you’d hit a particularly good spot. Hyunjin kept his eyes on you the whole time, memorizing the way you moved, what angle made you tick.
“C’mon lovely, I know you can do better than that.”
You were referring to the tip counter, but Hyunjin took it as he can do better than that. His other hand reached around the laptop, down to cup his balls as he worked his cock faster, occasionally running his fingers over the head for a break in stimulation. Somehow he managed to stop touching himself for a split second to rapid fire extra tips when they slowed down.
“Oh, someone wants a little extra attention today. What do I call you, lovely?” Hyunjin wasn’t sure if you were speaking to him, though he hoped and typed a nickname anyways. “Baby? That’s cute. Thank you, baby, you’re so sweet.”
His hand instantly returned to his dick, not caring about the speed anymore, instead wanting to cum to the sound of your voice. He quickly tapped the tip button a few more times and you giggled, “baby, you’re spoiling me. Here, since you’re being so nice,” you lifted the hem of your shirt to put your bare cunt on display, seemingly tucking the end of it into your mouth.
Hyunjin could see it so clearly, your pretty lips drooling onto the fabric, biting it to contain the moans that wanted to slip past. Fuck, he was going insane, wet, slick noises from his animalistic fisting on his cock almost surpassing the volume of your voice in his headphones. 
He just watched now, listened intently to how good you were making yourself feel and it made his body light a fire. You were clearly getting closer as well, forgetting the dirty talk and humping away at the toy with little to no regard for who was watching. Hyunjin loved this side of you the most, when you couldn’t think of anything other than the impending pleasure. He could imagine your eyes rolling back, the furrow in your brow and beads of sweat dripping down your temples as you came nearer to falling over the edge. Your hands moved to grip the edge of the seat, aiding in pushing your body forward and back harder against the grinder and Hyunjin was jerking himself with a hotter fervor. Your muffled cries echoed in his head– he was making you feel like this, he was the one you were using to please yourself, he was the one you thought of as you came all over his cock.
Hyunjin suddenly held his breath and let his release take over his body, squeezing and pumping the tip of his cock as he spurt his seed all over his stomach and back of his computer. By the time he’d come to, opened his eyes, and regained his breath, you were slumped back in your chair and panting heavily. He missed your grand finale, but that was okay with him, you came at the same time. Even in post nut clarity, he wanted to hear your voice. More than that, he wanted to hold you, run his fingers through your hair, kiss you until you were breathless all over again.
Hyunjin’s shaky hand found the tip button again and tapped.
“Thank you, baby.” He smiled.
You groaned and found the strength to steal the toy from your aching cunt, holding it up for the camera to see it glistening with your essence. Laughing, “this was fun, wasn’t it? I enjoyed myself, I might have to buy more of these.” You tossed it onto the desk and suddenly seemed shy, tugging your shirt as far down as you could without exposing more skin. “Until next time, lovely. I’ll miss you.” You waved your dainty fingers at the camera, doing your signature sign off, and the screen went black.
Hyunjin’s head fell back into his pillows, staring at the ceiling trying to understand all the emotions he just rushed through. 
He couldn’t compute them even if he tried. All he knew was that he was excited to go to work tomorrow morning, hoping that whatever god heard his plea, begging that you’ll come in.
When he went to shut his laptop, his fingers smeared the warm mess that was slowly dripping. “Fuck— ew,” and he hurried to clean up, alone once again.
☆゚
tags: @sensitiveandhungry @babebatter @changbinluvr @epiphanynaffit @fawnpeaks @linovely @dumplinbokkieracha @finnydraws @naturules @djeniryuu @hamburgers101 @skzhomiehopper @yesv01 @hyunjinsamdl @dazzlingligth @alexis-reads-fics @linaliskz @0002linoskitten @chillichillicrabcrab23 @zerefdragn33l @straycrescent @binnies-donuts @soldierstangirl-blog @bakedlilgoonie @levanterlily @shelbyyy44 @yeetmehome @in2heartz @astroodledream @the-sweetest-rose @goblinracha @lilbugs-things @viviennenstan @staurdvst @alex--awesome--22 @imzenning @jeyelleohe @iadorethemskz @skyvastbunny @mamabymychem @katsukis1wife @woozarts @noellllslut
2K notes · View notes
girlboysollux · 2 years
Text
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i Have to draw them until i perfect their design
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impishjesters · 6 months
Note
Can you do Jax x reader who has a lot of insecurities about how they look and act in the real world and the digital one? And if not you can just ignore this 💕
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Insecurities
warning(s): Jax (only slightly kidding), insecurities, mentioned dark humor to cope, minor bullying (Jax throws Zooble and Dangle under the bus on their appearance) note(s): I'm quickly learning that just like Jax, I'd probably be an awful human being to seek comfort in.. at least words of comfort... A/N: Realized more than halfway through writing that I wasn't sure if the request was separate hc's like knowing him before being yoinked into the digital hellscape and after or not... Feel free to toss another ask though and I can try some pre-digital hellscape hc's...however, I feel like they'd still be pretty similar to the post-digital hellscape reactions.
Jax is probably the last person to talk to when it comes to insecurities, real or digital
One time the topic of what everyone looked like before being sucked into the digital hellscape came up, but not everyone remembered, whether it was because they simply couldn’t remember or because they’d been there too long to remember
Jax’s response is never consistent. In one comment he’ll say he misses having long hair and was 5’4”, and the next comment is how he was actually bald and 5’10”
Now whether that’s him fuckin around or not is anybody’s guess
Currently, he’s got no real beef with his appearance, and he’s unapologetically himself digital or human. Now when it comes to you?
It can go a few different ways depending on how close the two of you are
Right out the gate, he’ll claim whatever toy-like appearance you’ve taken on can’t be any uglier than Zooble, which is like wow, harsh—they aren’t exactly easy on the eyes but that’s still a person with feelings…
He might even throw in a harsh comment about Gangle’s lack of a body, being ya know just ribbons… but hey! At least you have a body compared to her (Jax..that’s not helping..)
See what I said? Not the best person to go to with this sorta stuff
In the beginning, there’s always the gamble he might poke fun at your digital appearance and not really realize till later on that you were insecure about your appearance. (Whether it’s because someone else pointed it out or you flat-out told him.)
The closer the two of you get—friendship or romantic—he’s still an ass but once you’ve confronted him about your feelings and insecurities about your appearance, digital or human he knocks it off.
Nobody’s really voiced their complaints on what they ended up as here, at least not publically…
He’ll try to reassure you that you look fine, likely not understanding how deeply rooted something like insecurities can go and something like a “well I don’t think you’re ugly” isn’t gonna cut it.
Jax isn’t a sweet talker, or rather he doesn’t really sound all that genuine if he does, but he does try to put some emphasis that you really do look fine. (again, sweet but likely not helpful)
Now real world you? He wouldn’t know in the slightest, and while he could lie and say that the description you gave him wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, he’s not gonna do that to you (not that the appearance you gave him sounded ugly or anything).
Jax copes with dark humor and will without a doubt throw out some comment about how you won’t have to be insecure about your human appearance anymore because it’s unlikely any of you are getting out of here. (I’m sorry I’m laughing so hard because that would 15/10 make me laugh, dark humor is how I cope)
It’s not helpful (depending on the individual at least)
Oh! What about now you don’t have to worry about any acne or wrinkles?
Better? But is it really? Eh..
Overall he’s not particularly great at the whole reassurance about your appearance or how you act “I mean have you seen how some of the others act?” (Jax that’s not..helpful), but because you are someone important to him he’ll make the extra effort to listen to exactly what it is your insecure about and if you need him to reassure you he’ll do so
It might sound insincere but that’s just how he talks
On the off chance that you have a really bad day, it tugs at his heartstrings (yeah, he has those), he’ll pull you aside and give you little kisses over those places.
Insecure about something facial-wise? Face kisses.
You end up as a toy with too many legs and not enough fingers? Kisses (maybe not the legs though...)
When in doubt kisses and he’ll let you hug him or whatever, but breathe a word of this to the other’s and he’ll.. I dunno, prank you later or something. He'll have to workshop it.
Back to the act thing, I don’t personally know how someone would be insecure over that—but if you stim or anything of the sort Jax won’t really comment on it, but if someone else does? Poor them because they are about to get on the bunny’s bad side.
Gangle stims and as big of an asshole as Jax is, he’s never made fun of her for it.
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beans-in-soup · 2 months
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PHOTOSHOOT
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Warnings: cursing/foul language, explicit sexual content, DUBCON/NONCON (for reference I don’t condone any of these acts IRL) fondling, Somno!!
Syno: Vox (your fellow Vee) is a massive pervert towards you!!
(This is a very short story y’all’s I’m sorry I’ll try to post longer stuff after this one!!)
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He’s always sneaking into her parts of the tower, trailing into her bedroom in the darkest hours of the night. First preforming a couple of simple tests on her to make sure she’s sound asleep and then venturing his way down, pulling her panties to the side, caressing her milky thighs softly to feel the way her soft skin goosebumps and tingles under his very touch, of his hard metal skin.
He’s sniffing the strong scent of her pussy while she mumbles in content without a clue that her coworker and friend, who she trusts so much, is violating her and taking advantage of her pathetic defenseless state.
Obviously the TV demon can’t let this sight go to waste, taking photos of her strongly scented sex, to use when he’s stroking his metallic cock to the thought of her.
He’s fucking around and being coy while lifting her shirt up to see her perky breasts that only adds to her cuteness and her adorably soft figure, the figure that aroused him oh so bad.
He knew how much of an asshole he was to be doing this to her while she wasn’t even conscious, but he knew that while he had this open time with her, he couldn’t waste it. Often coming into her room in the dead of night to fuck with her body, prodding at it, licking her, pinching her skin softly and sometimes even leaving hickies that she’d think were just bruises.
He continues his venture, his long sharp claws spread open her now swollen lips, bringing the camera close, flash on as the camera snaps, and a new photo is added to his camera roll and personal database, a photo of her gaping hole, beginning to clench around nothing and moisten at the soft attention.
He felt ashamed really, he was a dirtbag, he broke her trust anytime he’d do this, but why was she so tempting, so innocent and small, she was too sexy for her own good, it made it all the better to take advantage of her, especially when she had no knowledge of it at all.
He chuckles and his chest reverberates as he lets out a groan, his screen becoming brighter the more he looks at her sleeping state. He begins recording a video, he records videos sometimes but mostly photos are easier and sneakier, much to his liking. But videos..with the some that he has, he knows that videos get to him real good, always getting him off much faster than a snapshot of just her hardened nipples.
The camera pans up her body, deliciously limp, goosebumps adorning her skin and her nipples becoming more puffy by the second, his slender claws play with them, flicking them and pinching them in between his index and his thumb, the hardness feeling godsend between his fingers, were her nipples hard because she was enjoying this? He always had these thoughts that went to his head, and only fueled his actions. There was no way your subconscious wasn’t enjoying this too atleast, right?
His hand fully envelops the plushy breast, kneading the mountain of flesh on her chest greedily all the while making sure the camera catches it all at the best angle.
His hand then dips lower once he’s bored of just playing with her chest.
He cups her warm pussy feeling the wetness and heat it’s radiating, he pulls the panties out of the way once more and dips a finger into her hole, thoroughly enjoying the squelch of her walls as his fingers fully submerges itself into her hole.
And eventually when he’d finish his mini photo shoot with her perfect breasts and her now swollen pussy, he’d quietly teleport off- (most likely through the hidden cameras he has in your chambers) -like nothing happened, and go to shut down for the night or continue his late night working.
And in the morning he’d put on his best fake smile, just to assure her that he would never do anything wrong to her, even with his phone filled with photos upon photos even videos of her body.
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Sorry it’s so short guys!! I was just aching to get this out!! Say hello to my first story!! :3
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dnpbeats · 2 months
Note
drop the dan loving goblin phil essay rn
(in reference to my tag on this post)
OKAY SO! In BIG dan says this about phil: "And this is when, through the magic of the internet, I met Phil. And obviously we were more than friends but it was more than just romantic. This is someone that genuinely liked me. I trusted them. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. [...] Especially to anyone that has experienced the kind of self-hatred that I have dealt with, one person accepting you can make all the difference" (ty @goldenpinof for the transcript 🕺). Now obviously, this is in the context of dan being gay so for the most part he's referencing his sexuality here when he talks about being accepted, and I am not trying to undermine that at all. But I think that phil's acceptance of dan went deeper than just his sexuality (goblin Phil comes into this I promise lol).
dan also talks a bit in BIG about how he was nerdy and was bullied for that before he was bullied for being gay. He's also mentioned other times how being nerdy/geeky didn't use to be accepted. In the 4/13 stereo show, dan says: "Before YouTube, if you were a nerd, you felt like you weren't a valid member of society unless you were, like, captain of the football team or whatever. [...] Now, thanks to social media, it's like 'oh, okay, well if someone like Hank Green can exist, I'm fine.'" What's extra interesting about this example specifically is that dan is talking about representation in response to a fan prompting him to talk about queer representation in media. So like, yes the majority of dan's struggles in accepting himself were surrounding his sexuality, but I do also think there was a layer of being a nerdy kid at a time when it wasn't cool or fun that added onto him not accepting himself. And I do not think that that's completely separate from his nonacceptance of his sexuality.
So, what exactly does this have to do with dan expecting phil to be super debonair and then having those expectations shattered? But then still wanting phil, arguably even more than he did before? Well, I think that phil was (and is) unapologetically himself, and that was inspiring for dan to see. dan said in BIG that he didn't meet an out gay person until he was 18, so either that person was phil himself or he met phil shortly afterwards and phil was therefore one of the first out gay people dan knew. and we know from phil's coming out video that he wasn't ashamed of his sexuality at that time. but phil's acceptance of himself goes beyond his sexuality, like just look at his YouTube content at the time. he was doing experimental stuff that was weird as shit (I don't mean that in a bad way I like his old vids!). most people probably would not have the confidence or self-assurance to make the stuff he was making, let alone post it. and then, beyond that, he was just a nerdy guy himself! but it was something that he openly talked about online and we know he and dan bonded over video games/tv shows/etc.
And now let's think about this from dan's perspective. He's been watching this guy's videos forever. He's been talking to him online for the past couple of months, and while he was talking with phil (rather than "amazingphil"), I'm sure there was still that element of like "wow holy shit I can't believe I'm talking with amazingphil!" Hence why dan says in the mean girls video that he was expecting phil to be all "hi, I'm amazingphil! 😏" when they first met (also side note, when dan starts to make this joke phil starts doing it at the same time, so I'm sure this is a discussion they've had before lol). but Phil wasn't like that!!! he was all hunched over and awkward and dorky! because he was nervous!! BUT he wasn't ashamed of that. he wasn't trying to put on some AmazingPhil™ Smooth Operator Refined front. He was just himself. Unapologetically so. And for dan, I think that that meant so much in terms of accepting himself, but also feeling accepted. because how was he going to believe phil when he said "dan I love you for who you are" if phil was hiding himself around dan?
So yeah, I think that's why dan saw goblin phil, not amazingphil, and was still like "yeah I want to build my life with this person." Because for him, phil represented self-acceptance and being accepted and a safe place and someone who he could be on the same wavelength with and true unconditional love and someone he can geek out with and someone who will let him yap for an hour about whatever the hell dan has decided to talk about that day. of course he would like phil more than whatever version of amazingphil he had built up in his head. because phil loves dan for who he truly is and dan loves phil for who he truly is :)
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carmyboobear · 15 days
Note
Building on your arguing and making up blurb… he comes home from a super tough day/week. He’s just been off and a bunch of stupid little shit happened and he REALLY doesn’t want to talk about it. All he wants is to come home to his person and have them wrap their arms around him, maybe play with his hair, rub his back while the both of them cuddle each other. He can’t stop thinking about it and he’s so ashamed to ask ‘cause he’s still working on being vulnerable, but he’s so tired and he just NEEDS it so as soon as he showers he crawls into bed and it all just tumbles out in a mess of words “look, I-I know you said I don’t have to talk, a-and now is one of those times, I mean I’m talking, but I don’t want to talk about *it* a-and I just.. i need..” and he takes a deep breath because his partner is watching and being patient like they promised, waiting to go off his cues… “fuck” he mutters and then it comes out in a jumbled mess “ijustreallywantyoutohdmerightnow” and his chest is heaving with nerves and his partner just wraps him up and he melts into their touch.
(in reference to this post)
Oh… this is wonderful…you understand everything…don’t mind me as I just bounce off this! I really enjoyed this idea
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word count: ~400
Carmy doesn’t understand how it starts, only that he’s riding the spiral from the moment he wakes up until he gets home.
His head’s on fire and sweat coats his skin and his stomach’s fucked and god, he’s exhausted. He says hi to you, already tucked into bed onto your phone, and mumbles something about taking a quick shower. The warmth eases the ache, the pervasive exhaustion that lives in all his muscles, but he still feels like everything’s on fire.
As he towels his hair and body, dissociation pulls him in and out, his consciousness drifting away and returning like waves. Today was just awful, not even because work was particularly that bad. He can’t find the words for it. All he knows is that it hurts. It fucking hurts.
He doesn’t even say anything when he reenters the bedroom and falls onto the bed. He tucks himself immediately into your side, arms wrapping around your waist, and you instantly curl back around him.
“Hey,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Welcome home.”
“Hey,” he whispers back. He cranes his head towards you, leaning for a kiss, and you meet him halfway.
“How was today?”
“God.” The loaded question. The more he lingers on it, the more anxiety floods his system. He just needs to get the words out. “It was—it was bad. Just a bunch of mental stuff. And I—“ He makes a frustrated noise, inhales sharply. Why is speaking so hard? “I, I know you said it’s okay if I don’t wanna talk. So I guess this is me saying that, uh, that’s how I’m feeling right now. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you—I mean, I guess I did say that, but it’s not—I just, I wanna stop thinking about today for just one fucking second, I want, I want…”
“Yeah?” One of your hands is at his hairline, gently pressing back damp curly hairs with your thumb. The soft touch brings him back in. “Take a breath, baby.”
He doesn’t realize how quickly he was talking until you mention it. At your words, he stops and breathes.
“I…just…” He feels anxiety prickling up his back, but he looks at your soft, patient expression and pulls through. “I just really want you to hold me. Is that okay?”
“That’s more than okay. C’mere, big guy.” He chuckles as he snuggles further into your arms, burying his head into your chest. Tension dissolves in his body like spun sugar in water. It just melts away.
You kiss the top of his head and keep him held close for the rest of the night, exchanging quiet words and affections until he falls asleep in your arms.
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peachesofteal · 17 days
Text
Hi! Very personal peach stuff beneath the cut, don't like don't read. (tw for mental health and medication)
If you haven't figured it out by now, I am bipolar. I've talked about it here and there in very broad, non specified terms but haven't really done a post where I say it point blank because I just never felt the need, however, I do feel like we've built a pretty supportive, lovely community here and I wanted to explain where I am mentally and why updates might be lagging (as I've gotten a few messages asking about SM and DD). I also think it's important to you know, talk about it a little bit. When I was younger, I would have really liked to talk to someone who had their head on straight and lived a happy, fulfilled life on medication. I would've liked to talk someone who made it through. Maybe me talking about it will make someone feel less alone, or less scared (because once upon a time, I was fully fucking terrified). Or maybe it won't do anything, who knows.
Also, let me be clear: I am not ashamed of who I am or how my brain works, I just feel this has always been too personal to share on here. I'm starting to shift my perspective on the sharing bit, a little. Obviously.
Anyway, the winter to spring transition can be really rough if your brain is spicy like mine. I know most people love the days getting longer, the sun shining on their face, the sky turning brilliantly blue everyday, winter turns to spring and you might get a little bit of spring fever, a little bit excited, inspired, etc... and I feel that way too, except it makes it way too easy to roll upward into mania. It's like one stumble or fall- and the next thing you know you're falling down the rabbit hole. Mania is not some fun little day trip where you get bangs and stay awake until the sun comes up, it is not the romantic mood swing that some people think it is, it is dangerous and could potentially derail my life.
I am feeling particularly... "disrupted" this spring, and have been working really hard to keep the boat from rocking, so to speak. I am overall a very healthy, well managed person (on medication- that saved my life) but the boat is rocking a little bit, and things may need to be leveled out, or adjusted. It takes time and patience, and I am very grateful to have quality care (my psych is the best) that knows me very well and hears me out.
The good thing is I'm still writing little by little and hope to have updates for ongoing works up soon, and in the mean time, if you need someone to talk to, if you feel like you can relate to this, I'm here. I appreciate your patience and understanding in regard to the delay in updates!
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transfemarmin · 8 months
Note
Can you do a miles 42 fic where miles doesn’t like you talking back too him or like looking at him funny and he doesn’t tolerate it at all also female reader! Please
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★彡 SHOW OUT
summary: miles is a simp in private but when he gets in-front of his friends.. he’s a different person
a/n: hope this is okay!! because I can’t see miles genuinely being like that if it’s not to show out in front of his buddies.. I went a lot off request sorry..
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MILES MORALES ISN’T SOMEONE TOXIC…
let’s make sure we get that straight across right now, he isn’t a toxic man.. just someone who’s been so cold and nonchalant for so long.. he doesn’t know how to make his tone match his feelings, hell he doesn’t even know how to voice the feelings he has much anymore.. but there is one thing that is well known to those he let’s see all the layers that make up.. miles gonzalo morales.
there are more than people think. but we aren’t here to get into the layers of miles morales, but more so.. how he acts when his girl isn’t around. you see, miles is what they call a ‘ fake gangster’ while he grew up in brooklyn and a lot of crazy stuff happens on the streets; when he saw that, he’d run the other direction. he was never a kid who was all about that gangster lifestyle
while he sagged his pants occasionally, and put up gang signs he didn’t even know the true meaning behind, with his friends, mind you. some of his friends actually rolled in ‘ gangs’ that honestly just consisted of teenagers trying to act harder than they actually were, was miles in this so called ‘ gang’ ? no. not by choice, he was a dumb teenaged boy, while he was smart.. a extremely intelligent actually; he still had this thing in the back of his head, something that told him, that this was all he was gonna amount too, because society hated men like him. they hated men of color, holding the stereotype of being in a gang over black & latino men’s heads.
he hated it, he hated it more than he could ever imagine and that’s when the stupidity came in, he always said no to drugs.. to drinking when it came to peer pressure, especially if people he didn’t know were trying to pressure him into it, but when it came to doing what these other fake gangsters, who also grew up in a loving family.. while miles lost his father, that’s true, it changed him..
that doesn’t excuse the way he’s ruining his future, the way he’s rolling with the wrong crowd, his mother & uncle have tried to talk him out of this.. he’s too attached to these so called ‘ homeboys’ some who.. miles didn’t even know their actual name.
worst part of all, miles was ashamed to show off his girlfriend in ways his mother had raised him to show off a woman. while he still did it, he made sure to post her on accounts that were private, that had no indication they belonged to him.
while he called her ‘ his woman’ to his family, and to her face. behind those scenes she was ‘ his bitch’. so, just imagine the poor girl’s surprise when her loving man turned into a hood rat who disrespected her within a matter of minutes..
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“ hey miles!” one of the young boy’s friends called out to him, miles head turned; a look of panic on his face as he had his arm around his girlfriend, [name]. he never wanted to let those two worlds collide.. he never wanted them to.. he swallowed the nervousness and pulled back from his girl, dapping up his friend, “ aye man.. whaddup?”
[name] gave him a weird look, he never talked like that in front of her and his mother.. in front of his uncle? she didn’t know.. the answer was probably.. she was never around for long when uncle aaron came by.
the friend’s attention turned to her..
the wondering eyes was something that [name] didn’t like, it made her fold her arms over her chest. “ who’s this little lady?” the friend spoke up, his tone was dripping in what [name] thought was either flirtation, playful, or some other kind of tone.. she didn’t wanna decipher it, she had a ma-
“ chill…that’s my bitch..” the way that b word left miles’ lips, it left his tongue so naturally.. like she had been addressed like that before, it was enough to pull her out of her thoughts.
oh hell no..
she furrowed her eyebrows at him, “ who’s a bitch?” she looked around, trying to figure out who he was talking to, because it was honest to god was not her.. “ babe-“ miles started, but her face scrunched up, “ nah.. nigga tell me, honest to god.. who’s the bitch?” the pit of anger was bubbling up in her stomach, she was usually able to wait until she was in a private place so she could calm down and maturely handle the manner.. but now, she didn’t know why.. she just couldn’t.
maybe it was the fact this was her man..
who she expected to respect her, in front of everyone, the man who posted her every second he got.. the man who had her face as his profile picture on Instagram, twitter, tiktok, and even fucking facebook.
but.. the boy who had just disrespected her in her face.. and in front of his friend! embarrassed her in front of her own two eyes!
“ yooo… get your girl, miles.” the friend.. who she still didn’t even know the name of spoke.
“ uh uh..” [name] was fuming with anger, if she was in a cartoon, smoke would be coming out of her ears, “ don’t talk to me like that you fake gangster ass nigga, you don’t be in these streets! your curfew is six pm.” she made sure to check her man about his disrespect, “ you don’t talk to any woman like that, especially not your girlfriend.. which I am.” she put her foot down, a frown on her face.
“ h-hey.. don’t talk to me like-“ miles started before he looked at his friend, and then his pissed-off girlfriend, he pressed his lips together and shook his head.. a friend he didn’t even know the name of wasn’t worth his relationship, “ I’ll catch you around..” he spoke to his friend, who looked more confused than anything. “ uhm.. yeah..” the friend spoke, before walking away.
miles was more.. embarrassed than anything, he knew he deserved the feeling; he knew that much.. he just disrespected [name] in her face.. something he knew triggered her. “ [name], honey I’m sorry,” he spoke as he turned to her
“ nah.. don’t be sorry now.. go back to being a a young blood, a slime or whatever you niggas be doing out here! “ she spoke, the anger clear in her tone.. it was clear in her body language and the way she looked at him.
“ baby.. mami, im sorry.. what if I get you a refill on that dior perfume you like?”
“ where you gon get the money for that?”
that’s when he stayed quiet, he did get a few bucks here and there from the jobs working with uncle aaron, but he couldn’t tell her that!
“ yeah, exactly.” she pointed her finger in his face before she walked off.
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“ awww…” [name] spoke, miles had just came through her window, holding a bath & body works bag, along with a sephora one.. he didn’t tell her what he did to obtain enough money for this.. but it did include going on more jobs with uncle aaron than he wanted too, he usually mostly did this to help the hospital his mom worked at, to help scrub the streets of New York.
what was he even doing trying to be in a gang, anyway? that wasn’t who he was.. why was he trying to enforce the stereotype he hated so much?
“ ma, im sorry.. i mean it..” he had given her space, he hadn’t talked to her for nearly two weeks at this point, “ I shouldn’t have done that dumb ass shit, ion know-“
“ I don’t..” she corrected.
miles stared at her for a moment, and sighed. [name] was always tryna correct somebody.. she did that shit to be funny.
“ i don’t.. even know why I was rolling with TJ and ‘em. I’m sorry mama.. I will never disrespect you like that again.. or at all.” his eyes showed the sincerity behind his words, she always stared into them just to make sure he meant his apology.. every single time he did.
[name] sucked her teeth, before checking the bags, seeing what they contained.. the bath & body works ones were full of her favorite fragrances and lotions, while the sephora one only had her favorite dior perfume.. was she complaining? hell no.. she loved to smell good.
“ okay… but if you ever call me some sort of bitch again.. ima fuck you up”
miles chuckled at her threat, “ yeah.. [name] I hear you.. loud and clear.” he spoke softly, leaning down to kiss her cheek, a smile making its way to [name]’s face. a giggle leaving her lips. “ you better.” were the last words she spoke before she pressed her lips against his.
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taglist: @katsaresokool @cyb3rspyd3r
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skele-ghost · 8 months
Text
Fuck in the Graveyard (not really)
Summary: (Graves/Reader) You’ve been taking illegal suppressants for wayyy too long, and when you miss a dose, it all comes crashing down.
Content Warning: A/B/O Omegaverse dynamics, reader is afab, female pronouns?, substance abuse, technically is a fuck or die situation, p in v, knotting, brief fingering
Graves is kinda sweet in this one. I’ve never posted my stuff anywhere before and this is the first fic I’ve written in second person. Let me know what y’all think. I do not take requests.
(*˘︶˘*).。.:*♡
The thing about taking illegal suppressants is that you have to time them perfectly. You’d better have your cycle down to a science, and you’d better take them three days before your heat, during, and three days after—and don’t you dare take them any more than 24 hours apart.
That’s how you wound up completely fucked: you took one dose two hours too late, and now the suppressants were completely ineffective. Was it really your fault? No, you’d been in the middle of a firefight, for fucks sake! But by some sick case of luck and science that made next to no sense, your heat started to build.
You hid being an Omega as much as you could. It wasn’t exactly a secret—it was there in your file for anyone to see. But so long as your heats were taken care of and you weren’t sending every Alpha within a mile radius into a rut, the military was happy.
And you were happy to let them believe that you were taking the regular course of suppressants that they prescribed you, and not the dangerous, high-dose, illegal ones that you preferred. They made your scent next to undetectable and made sure you could actually think straight when you were suppressing your heat, unlike the regular ones.
You were a specialist, an asset of high importance, and you’d be damned if you’d let your own biology stand in the way of that.
That’s why you liked the Shadows. Graves sent you a job offer after working with you on a mission gone sour in Urzikstan. He admired the way you kept your head cool when the world was falling apart around you. Even when you disclosed your designation, he shrugged it off.
“As long as you can keep your head cool like you did out there, we won’t have any problems,” he’d said.
And you’d kept your promise for nearly two years, now. But that was a long time to go without a heat, and a long time to be surrounded by the heady scent of Alpha unclaimed.
You were ashamed of the way you had to take off earlier. Once everyone was back from the mission, in one piece, settled in, you bolted, feeling the heat and sweat cling to you like a second skin.
It was sheer resolve that allowed you to keep the scent patches on for so long, little bandages clamped over your glands with a strong deodorizer, not letting anything out. You nearly passed out from the intense pain of prying them off your neck and wrists, the scent glands over-sensitive to even a breeze.
You blink away the tears quickly; you have to stay focused. You’ll drive to the safe house and crash there, get something planned. You knew the consequences of completely suppressing your heat for so long with such toxic drugs. Now you had to live with the consequences.
The little white farmhouse is remote, nestled deep in an old growth wood. It was beautiful, living up to the pictures you’d seen when Graves had shown it to you as a precaution. It had been in his family for generations before he fixed it up and decided to turn it into a safe house.
You pant as you put the car in park, staring at the building for a moment, your thoughts jumbled and disconjointed. As much as you want to melt into the seat, you have to get inside. A cold shower—that’s what you promise yourself, meek little motivation.
It manages to pull you out of the truck, onto shaky legs that want to collapse underneath you, but you push on.
They key is behind a brick on the foundation beneath the porch. It takes you a moment to remember which one—Graves had only shown you once.
Since you are the only unclaimed omega in the Shadows, he told you where the house was and how to access it. Just in case you had, in his words, “omega-related problems.” It isn’t too far from base. You’d have to figure out some way to show your eternal gratitude for the man…if you ever saw him again.
You retrieve the key and turn to make your way up the stairs, and that’s when things go sideways. You trip on the last step, crashing onto the porch with a force that shouldn’t hurt as much as it does.
The key falling out of your hand is the last coherent thought that you have before the pain takes over. Your sensitive skin and muscles cry out and it feels like hitting a sore bruise, everywhere.
You whimper, tears rolling down your cheeks as you stare up at the watery image of the porch’s ceiling. There’s a wasp’s nest, gross, but it’s November. They’re either sleeping or dead from the cold.
And thank god it’s cold, because at least your skin doesn’t feel like it’s completely on fire.
You know this is bad. You’ve deteriorated too quickly, the heat sneaking up and hitting you like a blitz attack from the dark.
As much as you hate to admit it, heats are necessary. It gets rid of built-up chemicals in the brain, provides a release to make new ones. Not quite like sleep was necessary, but in a similar fashion.
You’re worried that this one might kill you. You’re worried that if this one isn’t quelled and satisfied, you might end up brain-dead or in an eternal coma like the people in those stories your middle school health class scared you with.
But in the face of death? All that you wish is that you could apologize for the inconvenience. What kind of paperwork would Graves have to fill out for your corpse? Would he get in trouble for not monitoring you, for not knowing about your use of the illegal suppressants?
You slip into unconsciousness, the word ‘sorry’ on the tip of your tongue.
-
A whimper is all you manage as you stir awake, the first thing you notice being the thick, heavy, intoxicating scent of an Alpha, and one you know.
Graves smells like bonfires and bourbon, or maybe it’s whiskey? You make a breathy moan at the smell, brows furrowing as you feel yourself being carried.
“I know, baby, I know,” he says, his voice making a nice rumble trail down your spine.
He’s holding you bridal style and then holds you close to him as he sits down, tucking your head into his neck so that you can scent him.
It cools the flames slightly, letting your mind clear itself of the fog as you finally stir, opening your eyes.
“Com-mander?” You ask, voice not much louder than a whisper.
He pulls you back, glancing down at you, his blue eyes filled with concern. “(Y/N), what’s going on? You don’t smell right, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
“Suppressants…not working,” you grit out, whimpering as an uncomfortable cramp begins in your gut.
“The ones you’ve been taking? Why, what’s wrong with them?” He lays you down on the bed he’d been sitting on and you whine at the loss of contact, squinting your eyes shut at the cramping.
You can hear him search through your bag, the one that had been digging painfully into your back a few minutes ago, and you hear the rattle of a pill bottle.
“Oh, (Y/N), you didn’t…” he says, and you can only imagine what his expression is as he looks at the bottle. It’s pretty damning—the prescription bottle with someone else’s name blacked out on it, half empty, label reading exactly what’s inside.
Graves returns to your side, his cool hand on your cheek turning you to look up at him. He looks…betrayed? Crestfallen? Worried, above all else, as he holds the bottle up with one hand.
“(Y/N), tell me you didn’t take these—tell me this isn’t what I think it is,” he demands, the command in his tone making a gush of slick escape you, adding to your already soaked panties.
“M’ sorry,” you whisper, tears blurring up along your waterline.
“Shit, (Y/N),” he growls, tossing the pills onto the bed, running his hands through his hair. “What do I do? You need to go to a hospital, is that it?”
You shake your head, “no, they can’t do anything. And I’d get arrested—ah!” You cry out, curling inwards as a sharp, painful cramp rolls through. Slick gushes out of you again, your organs overproducing as if they need to make up for all the missed heats. After a few agonizing moments it calms down and leaves you gasping, tears rolling down your cheeks.
You know what your options are, you know how fucked up this is, and you know that Graves is probably going to fire you after this—but you also know that you’re not ready for the final alternative.
“Please, it hurts!” You beg, pleading up at the sight of your commander above you, “please, Alpha.”
He closes his eyes and clenches his jaw, pursing his lips in that way you’ve always found so hot, “are you sure? You’re not thinking clearly, (Y/N).”
You nod frantically, grabbing his arm and scenting his wrist, keening at the smell, “please, please, Graves.”
His restraint snaps and he climbs ontop of you, pinning your wrists to the bed and placing his mouth on yours. You moan into it, trying to lift you hips up to get some kind of friction to no avail.
He pulls away and you tilt you head aside to give him better access to your neck as he scents you, breathing in deeply and growling. You cry out as he runs his tongue and teeth along the glands.
“I never got a good smell of you, (Y/N), you always wear those damn patches and I always want to rip them off,” he nibbles along your jaw, your whines and whimpers filling the small bedroom.
“Alpha, please,” you beg, desperate, clenching around nothing when you want to be clenching around him. “Inside, please put it inside.”
“I know, baby,” he says, pecking your lips again before he pulls back, hands gliding along your sides as he pulls your shirt off. “You’re burning up.”
Tears prick in the corners of your eyes and you squirm, whining and babbling as he pulls your bra off, too. The cooler air feels nice on your sweat-sheen skin, and you buck your hips as Graves gets off of you, hooking his fingers to pull your pants and panties down in one fell swoop.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he curses, then groans at the sight of your slick, how it clings to your parties in wet strings before he pulls them away.
Your boots are still on and he didn’t get your pants all the way off, but maybe seeing how soaked you are makes Graves hasty.
The most pornographic moan escapes you as he sinks two fingers in your hole, your sweet little cunt sucking them in and clenching down.
“Fuck, good Omega,” Graves groans, slipping in a third finger that has you moaning even louder.
Every spot he hits is the right one, every move pure ecstasy. Your voice is a broken babble of pleads and curses and moans, begging for your commander to fuck you, to take you, to make you his.
You almost sob when he retracts his fingers, not even caring to wipe them as he rolls you onto your stomach, grabbing your hips and pulling them up into the air, right against his own.
Feeling his erection against your ass, you turn downright frantic, “please please please, please fuck me, Alpha, please I need your knot so bad!”
He hisses as you rub against him and he begins unbuckling his belt, which only spurs you on more. He manages to still your hips and get his pants down, rubbing the head of his cock through your slick.
You keen embarrassingly loud as he enters you, slowly letting every inch of himself be swallowed up by your greedy cunt.
When he bottoms out, pressing against your cervix, it’s like a switch flips. You cum, whining as your legs shake, as Graves gasps behind you.
“Goddamn, baby,” he drawls, squeezing into the meat of your hips. “You’re fucking perfect, you know that?”
Your brain is too melted with lust to be able to form any coherent sentence. When he pulls out and slowly thrusts back into you, testing the waters, you all but go limp, eyes rolling into the back of your head as you moan.
“Goooood girl,” he praises, speeding up his thrusts and finding a steady rhythm, your skin slapping together. “So slick and tight for me, omega, good god—“
All you can do is moan and take it. There’s no more painful cramping, and though your skin is still hot it’s not as bad. Your body is getting exactly what it needs: a good, hard fucking by a big, strong Alpha.
“(Y/N),” Graves moans, his voice sounding so sweet to your ears, “so good, baby. Better than I ever imagined.”
You keen at that, at your alpha wanting you—well, he isn’t yours, is he? It makes your heart sting slightly but that’s quickly forgotten with a slap to your ass, sending shockwaves of excitement through you.
You can feel yourself getting tighter, getting ready to be thrown over the edge again, and you can feel Graves speed up his thrusts, his knot slowly beginning to swell inside you.
“Fuck, baby,” he groans, “gonna give you my knot, gonna fill you up good—“
His thrusts get even harder, even rougher, and you cry out, feeling yourself come tumbling violently over the edge as his knot catches on you, cumming in waves like the sea crashes onto shore.
Graves stills inside you, making good on his promise, shooting ropes and ropes of hot seed. You can feel his swollen knot inside you, just past your entrance, making your pussy full in the most delicious way. You hear him catch his breath before he carefully rolls you both over onto your sides, laying down with you on the bed.
You hum happily as he wraps his arms around you, placing a chaste kiss on your shoulder as both of your ragged breathing calms.
“Fuck, (Y/N),” he says, his voice husky in a way that makes you wish you were his.
“Yeah,” you manage to reply, running your hands along the arms that hold you.
“I don’t want you taking those damn pills ever again,” he growls, making you shiver. “Understand?”
You open your eyes and turn to look at him, confused at the soft expression on his face. It’s almost…vulnerable? Wasn’t he going to fire you?
“Commander?”
“This isn’t up for debate,” he says. Behind his blue eyes is a fire you know well, akin to the one that dances in his eyes on the battlefield. “I’ll drug test you if I have to, but I’m not going to lose you to some stupid suppressants.”
You blink. “You’re not going to fire me?”
“What? No,” he says like you’re crazy for thinking so. “But if you want to stay, darlin,’ we’re going to need to set some ground rules.”
“Okay,” you agree, relieved. You didn’t want to lose your job, it’s a good gig. The employee benefits are killer…and you’d miss your commander.
“It’s simple, (Y/N), no more illegal suppressants, and you come to me for your heats,” that bastard smirk of his returns and you giggle.
“Are you propositioning me, Commander?”
“Hell, yes I am,” he says proudly, reaching up to caress your cheek. “Probably should’ve done it sooner.”
You lean in and kiss him, enjoying how it sweetens his scent. Your heart flutters in place, content, elated; you had only ever dreamed of this. You finally have him.
“Oh, and no more scent patches. You smell too damn good to be covered up.”
You roll your eyes at him, still grinning. “You sure about that? I don’t think you’ll like every other alpha sniffing after me.”
“Don’t worry, baby, I’ll keep you safe,” he says confidently, placing a lingering kiss to your cheek. His eyes hint at something darker, “besides… they’ll catch on.”
567 notes · View notes
uhohdad · 9 months
Text
EXPERIMENTAL - Konig Fic Part 2
Summary: Konig helps Researcher!Reader with a new technology they’ve been developing.
Part one: X
AO3 Link: X
Warnings: Flirting, Sexual Content, NSFW, Reader x Konig, talk of standard war stuff, Reader is a bit of a pervert. Non-con Voyeurism. Reader has anxious thoughts/low-self esteem-ish? No use of y/n, abduction, bondage, blood and injury.
Word Count: 7.2k
Reader gender/sex is incomprehensible cause I do it for the girls, the gays, and the theys
NSFW under the cut
It probably didn’t mean anything, right?
How common is your name, really? He probably was just thinking about his girlfriend or wife at home who just happens to share the same name as you, the same wife he didn’t happen to mention during your introductions - even if it would have been a really good icebreaker.
Yeah, that’s it.
It couldn’t have been about you.
Could it?
Your thoughts are spiraling now, not giving yourself the room to dissect one detail before your brain throws another at you. You still haven’t moved, wide eyes watching warm light reflect on his skin as he basks in post-orgasm bliss.
He’s still for a while, and you’re wondering if the finish had tired him out enough to lull him into a nap.
After a few minutes of watching the rise and fall of his chest, you decide the show was over and closed out of the software. There was some part of you, some part you’d hoped wouldn’t ever come to light, that decided to keep his feed connected.
You’ve crossed so many lines already. In for a penny, in for a pound, right?
You feel like you’ve ruined whatever chance you’ve had with him, violating his privacy like this. This was a man that wasn’t even comfortable showing his face, how did you think he was going to feel knowing a stranger has not only seen him fully naked but watched him jerk his cock to completion?
He doesn’t have to know. No one has to know. It’ll be our little secret and we’ll just pretend it never happened.
Yeah, you acted real casual today when you hadn’t done a horrible, awful, perverted thing. I’m sure you’ll act real casual the next time you have to look him in the eyes.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
You rest your head on your keyboard not-so-gently, accidentally booting up an ancient mail software that was sure to kick your laptop’s fans into overdrive. An audible groan leaves your mouth.
Who knew non-consensual voyeurism would leave such a horrific feeling of guilt in the pit of your stomach?
That and the arousal that sits right underneath. Your underwear now had a wet stain from watching the show, unconsciously rubbing your thighs together as you had.
There was no way you were going to be able to focus on work now. You had been planning on staying late, but there’s no way you can analyze today’s data. Review his feed. Replay your conversations. Hear his breathing…
No, you just can’t do it right now. It’s too much.
You do a quick round of the lab, performing a sloppy iteration of your closing procedures, pack up your things, and head out for the day.
Before you do, you decide you might as well round out the horrific deed by doing one last terrible thing.
You pair your personal cell phone to the software and send yourself the erotic recording of Konig.
You’ll start fresh tomorrow, you decide.
————————————————————-
You most certainly did not start fresh tomorrow.
The next few days are a vicious cycle.
Go to work. Review Konig’s simulation footage. Fantasize. Feel guilty. Review raw data. Think about Konig touching himself. Feel aroused. Feel guilty. Rewrite codes. Go home. Watch erotic recording. Feel aroused. Get off.
Feel guilty.
Feel guilty.
Feel guilty.
You can’t help it. You’re out of control, an addict desperate to get their fix, ashamed of their actions but lacking the willpower to quit.
How are you supposed to stop thinking about him when all day at work you’re watching him fight his way through the shoot house, strong hands gripping his gun, and hearing to that laugh?
How can you go home and ignore the recording of him finishing while moaning your name?
You must have replayed it a thousand times. He moaned it like he was begging you, pleading with you. Such a powerful man choking on your name. Even after a full week had passed, it still had the power to excite you in ways you haven’t felt in ages.
Your next meeting with Konig was scheduled for today and if you had to judge solely by the feeling in your gut, you would’ve guessed you had eaten rocks for breakfast. Your brain tells you to flee and fast but your body is promised to these four walls. Your leg bounces as you pick at the fingers that beg for something to do besides type code.
You wanted to call it off. Tell Konig you weren’t feeling well and you’d try again next week. Or maybe hit the bricks entirely. Just walk out of the building and never look back. Forget about everything.
You’re reconsidering your career choices as a steady knock on the lab’s swinging door rips you from your thoughts.
Your wince before you look up, quickly plastering what you hope is a convincing smile on your face.
He catches your eyes through the glass and you notice them crinkle, unable to place an emotion to it. You’d been dreading this moment all week. Even going so far as to avoid looking at his live feed after the incident, just in case you weren’t able to feign the natural responses of hearing his recounts for the ‘first’ time. That in addition to the intrapersonal understanding that you couldn’t handle carrying anymore guilt-rocks in your stomach.
Looking him in the eyes was as hard as you imagined it to be. He pushes open the door and steps in, standing hesitantly near the entrance like he did last week. You notice he has a notepad in one hand, and it looks so comically small compared to his size. Like a giant holding a sticky note. In the other he holds your earpiece in an open palm, as if hesitant to wrap his fingers around it.
It doesn’t help that the first word that left his mouth as he entered the lab was your name. Flashbacks to his sweaty body, shuddering in pleasure as he came all over his rippling muscles grab your attention.
He had followed it up with something, but you had been too distracted to catch it. You close your eyes, touching your hand to your forehead.
You were not doing a very good job hiding your fluster.
“I’m so sorry- what’d you say?” You give a small laugh, partly to ease the tension in your chest and partly at the situation itself. It’s not funny, you know that. It’s terrible. So terribly ridiculous that you can’t help but laugh at yourself for getting yourself into this mess. Your hand follows through the rest of your hair in an effort to soothe yourself before falling back down at your side.
“Good to see you.” He repeats, tilting his head, taking just a few careful steps closer to you. His eyes dart to the side briefly before returning to you, “Is everything okay?”
You give another weak laugh, “Yeah, sorry. Just still in the zone.” You gesture vaguely at scattered papers and devices on the table. You don’t give him a chance to pry further, “How was it?”
He takes a moment to eye you carefully, and you are sure he’s about to call your bluff before he responds, “Remarkable.”
You swallow, breaking eye contact with him again. It’s always been hard for you to accept a compliment. You're hoping he doesn’t notice the warmth creeping up your cheeks, but you know you have absolutely no right to such a request after what you’ve done.
He clears his throat before he continues, “I promised you I would have feedback. It wasn’t easy.” He holds his notepad up briefly as he steps up to the table to carefully set it down along with your earpiece. You can see from across the table he’s got a few scribbled sentences spaced out on the notepad. You take note of his sloppy handwriting from across the table, before realizing he didn’t write in English.
He looks down at his notes and you’re thankful you have something to stare at that’s not Konig’s eyes or intimidating frame. You’re trying hard not to think about the body filling out his gear. You’ve grown so accustomed to seeing him naked that it’s almost strange to see him with his uniform on.
You can tell he takes a deep breath before continuing and you wonder briefly if he’s nervous about sharing his feedback, worried he will hurt your feelings. “You mentioned before that it scans objects?” The end of his sentence lifts, almost like he’s asking you a question, “I think it would be good to make sure that the user is always made aware of landmines. I’m positive it will save lives.”
“Yes, absolutely. That’s a great idea.” You nod as you jot his ideas down on your laptop, a reminder to update your code.
You’re happy to be talking shop. Even happier to be talking about defensive designs instead of offensive ones.
The way he rubs his bicep with his opposing hand triggers a realization. You finally look at his eyes, his still staring down at his notes, and watch him for a moment.
The idea didn’t come from thin air.
You wonder what he saw, what traumatic memories are being replayed behind the downcast eyes to inspire such an idea.
You feel an ache in your chest for him, the desire to alienate his discomfort but unequipped to do so. Instead you look at him, your eyes swollen with sympathy and the corner of your mouth pinched in a frown.
He takes a moment before looking back up at you. He notices your warped expression but misinterprets it, “Am I overstepping?”
Your voice is low and you press a hand to your heart, “No, Konig, not at all. This is very helpful.” You’re not sure what else to say to him. What do you say to a man haunted by the violence he’s witnessed?
The only thing you can do is make sure it doesn’t happen again.
You’re not working for the government anymore, you decided. You’re going to work for Konig. To tailor your device with the purpose to save and protect him.
So you stick to the topic at hand. “Any other ideas?” You ask, voice still soft with empathy as you glance down at the notes written in German.
“Uh,” He clears his throat again and touches the back of his neck over his hood, the fabric pulling a bit on the front, “Sometimes when we’re in the heat of things, I can’t always get to my remote.” He gestured to the band on his wrist. “Do you think it would be possible to have voice command?”
Your brain’s mulling over the possibility. You’re surprised you haven’t thought of it yet. You could eliminate the remote entirely, you’re sure your supervisor will be elated with the big savings on material costs. The earpiece already has a microphone for the comm, it wouldn’t be hard for you to configure it to an additional feature.
“Absolutely, voice control. That’s clever.” Your brain is already running with alternatives to the wrist remote as you type his ideas, “Do you go on a lot of missions that require stealth?” It’s easier to make eye contact with him when you’re discussing work. He nods, and you continue, “In addition to voice command, I could also add hand controls, able to identify and respond to the signal you give it - totally silent.” You tap your fingers on the table twice, “The only draw I can think of is having to memorize control signals.”
He thinks it over for a moment and shifts in his spot, “That’s even better.”
“I think it’ll be best to have both.” Your keyboard clicks under your fingers as you enter the ideas coming to you faster than you can get them down.
This is great. I’m not even thinking about-
Stop it.
“These are great, Konig, really. Anything else?”
Your encouragement makes him look away. You follow his stare as it darts to the side and then down to his notes. He places one hand on the table next to the notepad as he leans his weight onto it.
You briefly picture yourself between him and the table, his arm pinning you in as he towers over you, hunched to watch you like you’re his prey, chests so close they’re almost touching.
You quickly push the thought to the side, moving your attention back to your laptop. The only way to survive this meeting is to repress.
Repress your memories of what he looks like with his cock in his hand, arching his hips into the thrusts. Repress the sound of his moans and your name echoing clearly in your brain. Repress the guilt from the breach of privacy to the highest degree.
Please, just until we get through this.
You close your eyes and take a breath to collect yourself while he’s not looking.
He’s got other things written on the notepad, you’re sure. Unless the two ideas he’d already pitched managed to take up the whole page. “No.”
Your brows furrow, the question leaving your mouth without thought, “You’re sure?”
He pauses. You can tell he’s sitting on a thought, but you don’t know what.
“It’s okay. Like I said, it’s just a prototype. You won’t hurt my feelings.”
He straightens his posture before he speaks, “No. That was all I could think of.” He swallows, “If you feel I didn’t make good on my promise, I can fix it.”
“No, no!” You say with urgency, a hand shaking in his direction, “Those ideas you gave me were perfect. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t holding back on me.” A weak laugh escapes you. “I can’t stress how helpful this has been. I’m glad we’re doing this.”
Konig looks at you, those intimidating eyes staring at you from across the table. You wish you could see his face, hoping it would give some insight on what was going through his head. Even if you could you don’t think you’d be able to maintain eye contact.
He knows.
No, he doesn’t, shut up.
“I’ll keep thinking.” He says definitively, like he’s trying to right a wrong.
“You’ve only had it for a week,” you reassure, “Besides, you’ve given me plenty to work with.” You force a smile at him, not even caring how it’s coming off because you’re just hoping not to choke on the tension suffocating the room. You wonder if he feels it too, or if it’s all in your head.
He nods, and you look to your laptop in a futile attempt to thwart the dread suddenly pooling in your stomach. You’re reminded of what you’ve done when he crosses his arms, and your eyes are drawn to the same bicep on the arm that he used to pleasure himself. You’re picturing how it looks under his uniform, comparing it to your filthy reference. Your heart quickens and you can’t help but take in his build, even from across the long lab table. You feel extra small sitting on your stool while he stands, arms still crossed, staring.
The air between you two is definitely weird. Him getting off to probably-not-you and you watching but him not knowing that you know will certainly fill the room with a tension unlike any other.
These drawn-out silences are smothering you, not knowing what goes on being his hood.
He looks disappointed in you.
He knows.
“How can I help you in the meantime?”
You can’t help but breathe a small sigh of relief. You were planning on taking him back out to shoot house, running a few more simulations, and having him give feedback on a few more overlays.
You scrap that plan, looking forward to expanding on his ideas while your synapses are still firing.
“Well, here’s my thoughts so far. Landmine identification, the coding for that will be easy. The device already has the scanning capability for obscured objects. All I have to do is enable the specific object for full-time recognition. The hard part will be testing. I’ll have to meet with weapons development to develop prop landmines for simulation.”
You glance at the notes on your laptop, “Voice control - easy. Mic’s already installed and all I would have to do is add speech-to-text recognition, repurpose the wrist control coding, and then…testing.” Your hand finds the side of your face as you think it over, “Well, I may need to sample voice lines from you and a couple of your friends…” You loosely gesture with the same hand as you continue, “But there may be workarounds to that. Put a pin in that.” You’re on a roll now, “Now the hand controls - that might be more complicated. I’m thinking I’ll have to start fresh with the hardware.” You look up, “Then again… it already has the scanning capacity. I could probably just teach the current model with software alone. But the coding will take some time to figure out.”
Your eyes find him again. He’s staring and as per usual you can’t decipher it.
“Y’know,” you continue with a smile, “You could help me come up with hand signals?”
He nods.
He doesn’t give you much to work with, does he?
“I’ll need references of your hands. To teach the AI, is that okay?”
He looks down in a way that makes you feel so, so ashamed. If he is hesitant about recordings of just his gloved hands, how would he feel if he found out about what you did? About the video living on your phone?
After a moment he looks back up at you, “I’ll do it.” His voice is stern as usual, always treating everything with importance, with determination.
You give him another shaky smile, “Might be awhile. Wanna sit?”
He pulls up a stool to his end of the table and you instruct him to put his earpiece on as you return to your software on the laptop, trying not to trigger the memory of the last time you watched his feed. You pretend to resync your devices, glad he can’t see your screen. A wave of shame washes over you.
You’re both collaborating for some time, you offering a prompt and him stiffly coming up with a corresponding hand command. You supervise his feed, having him tilt his hands so the AI has references from multiple angles.
The rest of the meeting is professional and you manage to steady your obsessive thoughts as best you can. It’s hard to observe his hands and not think about the video, about what you watched those same hands do.
About how those hands would feel mapping all of the curves of your body.
How they would feel gripping onto your hips as you rode him.
How they would feel sneaking up your thighs, teasing you.
Somehow, you make it.
Once you decide you’ve covered enough references, Konig heads out, and you hope to continue staving off your thoughts by wasting no time on incorporating his ideas into your design. You’re hoping to have a least one rough draft done before next week’s meeting, so you plan on hunkering down and forfeit your Friday night to work overtime.
—————————————————————-
It’s late in the evening, you can tell by how your eyes are burning, strained from staring at your bright screen. You don’t bother to check the actual time. It would just bum you out. Spending your Friday night working. Not that you would have been doing anything partially exciting if you hadn’t. You probably would have just spent your evening analyzing footage anyway, just of a more perverted genre.
When you finally call it quits, the base is barren. Everyone’s gone home or retired to their quarters by now. It’s quiet after the base door shuts behind you, automatic locks clicking into place.
You’re feeling better after today’s meeting with Konig. Somewhere in the previous week you’d convinced yourself that he knew, that at any moment he was going to report you, and at any moment security would bust in the lab to escort you out.
Seeing him again, even though you couldn’t always figure out what he was thinking, reassured you that he hadn’t somehow telepathically figured out your terrible deed. You don’t think he would have bothered to keep helping you, or even be able to look at you without disgust if he did know.
The meeting also re-sparked your feelings of arousal and excitement. The knot in your lower abdomen made its presence known again. So much more desirable than the spiraling guilt. You’ve come to lean into the highs, enjoying it while you can, knowing soon you’ll be feeling nauseous at the thought of yourself.
You don’t know how much longer you can take the rollercoaster. This week has been exhausting. You can’t believe you’ve allowed this man to root himself into your life, seeping into every facet.
Career, personal, sexual, and - well, you’re still in denial about the romantic feelings - but it’s incredibly impressive how this man was capable of fucking your entire life up for the small price of a couple of hours and a few exchanged words.
When you finally get to the privacy of your home, you let out an audible groan. Loud enough to carry but quiet enough to not disturb the neighbors. You just needed to let something out, it was getting frustrating.
You didn’t want to think anymore, you didn’t want to think!
“Long day at work?”
You freeze, and the sound of heavy footsteps fill your ears. Two armed soldiers with fully equipped gear stride from the depth of your home, meeting you at the entrance.
The sight of them alone is enough to intimidate you. You instinctively back against the locked door, your trunk obscuring a hand moving towards the doorknob.
“Tsk, tsk. I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”The taller of the two soldiers wears a black balaclava with a skull stitched in, his unimpressed stare drilling into you. You hear a click, and your wide eyes lock on to the gun in his hands, pointing right at your core.
You slowly release the doorknob, raising your shaking hands so they could see your palms.
“That’s good babe,” The other soldier speaks, but you’re too busy staring down the barrel of the gun to worry about it.
“I have to admit I’m a little upset with you,” Skull-face, as you appropriately nicknamed him, speaks as his eyes bore into you, “You kept us waiting a long time.”
He’s got some sort of thick accent laced into his grave voice, they both do, actually, but you’re too busy trying not to piss your pants to be able to place the region of origin.
A lump forms in your throat and you don’t think you‘ve taken a breath since you heard the unfamiliar voice in your home.
It’s violating. Them being here. Where you go after a long day of work to relax. Where you eat, sleep, shower, and just be.
How dare they defile and taint your safe place, where you hide away and pretend the exhausting world around you doesn’t exist?
You’re stuck, unsure of your next move and paralyzed with fear.
“We think you have something we want.”
You’re not sure what they mean, but you nod in compliance anyway. Not much you can say no to against two heavily armed men. You finally break your gaze away from the gun and take turns making frightful eye contact with them. You speak after a failed attempt of swallowing your fear, voice soft and broken, “Take it.”
They exchange a knowing glance with each other, the man with his face exposed bears an irritatingly smug grin.
Skull-face approaches you threateningly, sending fear down your spine and making your skin crawl as you push yourself further into the door. He leaves no room for pleas as he flips his gun around, the stock coming down on your forehead with enough force to knock you out cold.
————————————————————-
Your splitting headache was the first thing you registered when you came to. You can’t seem to concentrate, the fog in your brain so extreme your thoughts are incoherent. You let out a meek whimper as you attempt to open your eyes, the lights in the room stunning you and intensifying the throbbing pain in your skull. You wince, closing your eyes again to block it out.
A few moments pass - and the next thing you notice is the dryness in your mouth, unable to manage a swallow from the dehydration.
Water.
The only intelligible thought you’ve had after registering your discomfort, the instinctual desire stronger than the dizzy haze clouding your brain.
You lift your head, trying to move but your weakened muscles fail you.
Your muscles are weak, yes, but what’s really keeping you in place are the restraints.
You wince again, eyes scrunched to block out the brutal light as you tug to confirm you’re secured. Your wrists were bound behind you, your shoulders overextending around the back of the chair you were planted on. Your ankles bound to either leg of the chair. There’s another restraint wrapping under your arms and around the back of the chair, keeping your upper half upright. There’s a rashy burn underneath the coarse ropes that dug into your skin as your unconscious body leaned into it.
You let out another whimper from the back of your coarse throat. While you weren’t alert, every instinct within you notified you of the danger you were in.
Gotta move.
You try to squint one eye, but it still doesn’t save you from the flash intensity of your headache. Your eyes are stinging on top of it and you realize you’re partially blinded, vision blurred and doubled, stained red with your own blood.
You grit your teach, determined to figure out where you are. You try to concentrate your vision but to no avail.
Even so, you can tell you’re not at home, and you’re not on base.
Once you make your discovery, one that expended what little willpower you had, your eyes clench back shut, desperate to alleviate the migraine.
A secondary location, you thought to yourself through the pain, I’m fucked.
You can’t hear anything, the ringing in your ears deafening you.
You let out one more defeated whine before resting your chin on your chest, pinching your eyes closed.
You have no idea how long you drift in and out of consciousness for. During the brief moments you come to, you’re so disoriented you can’t make sense of your thoughts, and that coupled with the debilitating pain in your head is unnerving enough to make you cry tears of pure confusion.
It’s your neck snapping back to follow the hair yanking on your scalp that jolts you awake, and try to open your eyes to find the threat but they’re still not working as they should. Underneath the debilitating ringing, you can hear the sound of muffled male voices, unable to make out what they’re saying.
You gave up.
You were wounded & trapped, and in nature that meant a death sentence. You were in no shape to properly defend yourself. Couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, couldn’t move, couldn’t think.
You were as done as the toast made from your own designs.
After wincing, your eyes screwed shut, you go limp and give in to the man physically controlling you like a sadistic puppeteer.
The muffled voices are louder, you still can’t make out their words but you can tell they’re having some sort of argument. They’re yelling at each other, and your scalp becomes collateral as the one tightens his grip on your hair to match his escalated volume
He’s right in your ear now and it’s not helping with the headache.
Just hurry it up, You manage through the haze, just hurry it up and put me out of my misery.
He throws your head forward to the position it was in before, slumped over as much as the ropes would allow with your chin pointed to the ground. The force rattles your skull in a way that makes you see a searing white behind your eyelids. What little water you had left in you was escaping through your swollen eyes lids and down tear-stained cheeks.
Just kill me, please.
——————————————————-
When you come to again, you’re no longer sitting. You’re flat on your back. Your neck secured so your head is in line with your spine. Your headache takes the front stage but the pain has noticeably subsided. You try to open your eyes again, but the lights above you are still excruciating.
You let out a low moan and shut your eyes again.
Your ears still ring, but a good portion of your hearing has returned to you. You hear your name, followed by, “are you awake?”
You grunt in response, unable to form sentences.
“Can you open your eyes for me?”
You wince, trying to shake your head but unable. Instead, you grunt again before parting your lips. You tried to say, “Lights,” but your voice is so hoarse it comes out broken and cracked.
“What is it?”
You try and clear your throat, putting all your power into your strained voice, “Lights.”
They understand, and while you still can’t hear the flick of the switch, you can tell from behind your eyelids they’ve been shut off.
You try to mutter a “Thank you,” but give up a quarter of the way through.
You slowly open your eyes, still burning but blood wiped away from them. Your vision is still blurry, but no longer doubled.
“Do you remember what happened?”
You try to shake your head, but can’t. So you force a weak, “No.”
“Do you know where you are?”
“No.”
“Do you know what today’s date is?”
You just grunt, closing your eyes again. You didn’t know the answer but you were too fed up with the questions to respond.
“Can you see?”
You grunt again.
“Okay, how ‘bout this? Can you wiggle your fingers for me?”
You try to lift your arm in the direction of the voice but your action is cut short, your arm jerked still by a restraint on your wrist. You open and close your fingers slowly at the maximum range the restraint will allow.
“How ‘bout your toes?”
Your toes move slightly, your calves aching at even such a mild movement.
“Good, thank you. How’s the hearing?”
Kill me or leave me alone, you think.
You eventually freeze the owner of voice out, finally leaving you alone to rest.
The next few days are a miserable, confusing blur. Somewhere along the way you’re informed you’re in medical, being treated for your extreme concussion. No skull fracture, thankfully, but they suspect the bruising is severe if it was enough to knock you unconscious.
The concussion had scrambled you good, and you were not nearly as sharp as you usually are.
It took you a whole five days, not that you could keep track of the passing time, before you realized that you were not at medical on your base.
You were in medical, restrained to a hospital bed-
in enemy care.
————————————————————
There was nothing you could do. Restrained to your bed, sedated with painkillers when they thought you were becoming too active.
“To help you rest.” They told you, but you couldn't trust a word that came out of their mouths.
Medics are supposed to be neutral, bound to an ethical code to heal the injured, enemy or not. That didn’t stop some medics from harboring grudges after years of patching up their own soldier’s brutal wounds of war.
The next time the medicine wears off for a long amount of time, with no medics in sight, you conveniently get visitors, the soldiers that had visited you in your home.
The events had been beaten out of you, but the traumatic event had seeped somewhere deeper into your psyche, and you knew deep down you were in trouble at the mere sight of them.
Skull-face especially, you don’t know how or why, but your intuition tells you he’s responsible for this. “Ready to answer some questions? Or do you need me to put you back to sleep?”
You can tell by the sharp edge in his voice he doesn’t mean the painkillers.
“Maybe I’d be able to answer your questions if you hadn’t given me brain damage.” Your patience is running thin, and an ember ignites a flame inside you, “Who knows what information you knocked out of me.” You stare directly into his eyes, brows furrowed, the tone of your voice inviting trouble in.
He already took everything away from you. At this point you don’t care if he puts you under. You’re begging him too. Every time you wake up you just want to go back to sleep. You don’t want to deal with it, any of it.
Skull-face makes a move to advance but the maskless soldier stops him by putting an arm out, laying it firmly across his to hold him back.
You don’t flinch, eyes now staring down the soldier with a stubbled jaw and a mohawk that ended in a widow's peak. It’s a haircut you find highly unusual for a soldier.
Your face doesn’t crack, but you squint at the pair, “What do you even want to know? I don’t even work on the field, I have no information.”
Skull-face looks down at you, “Oh, we know.” That stupid accent and that stupid mask. If you weren’t restrained you think you would have launched at him, risking it all to get a few good scratches in with your fingernails. He reaches into his pocket and your eyes widen and your brows retract at what he pulls out.
Not a weapon, no.
It’s your design, the AI-powered earpiece, and your wrist remote.
Skull-face notices the realization that sets across your face, “Awh, looks like your memory is working fine after all.”
The flame inside you laps at your skin, your features flushing with anger. A lot at Skull-face, for being such a cocky prick, but mostly at yourself.
You did this yourself. You figured your day of reckoning would come eventually. That karma would bite you in the ass, and those who are affected by your designs will stand by and laugh at your demise.
You should have just stuck with redesigning kitchen appliances.
“Why don’t you show us what you’ve been cooking up, huh? We know you’ve been busy.”
The pair share another knowing glance, Mohawk snickering at your expense.
“How did you get that?” You ask through gritted teeth, knowing there’s no way they could have gotten into the highly secured base.
“What is it?” Skull-face asks.
“It’s an intercom.” You grit, the ache in your head pulsing. You miss the painkillers.
“Don’t lie.”
“I’m not.”
Mohawk steps in, “It’s okay, we all get embarrassed about our porn.”
You furrow your brows at him.
What the hell was he talking about?
Skull-face elbows him in the side, but it doesn’t keep his partner from smiling, “What is it?” He asks again.
“It’s an intercom.”
He’s getting sick of this game and he goes to step to you again but Mohawk cuts him short. “Ghost!” He says firmly.
Ghost, that was Skull-faces name. Or call sign, at least. You hated him, but you’d wished the other soldier would just let him at you. You didn’t care anymore.
Mohawk looks at you, “Look, there’s only so much I can do,” gesturing to Ghost, “Can’t we all just get along for a little bit, yeah?”
“How about you get along with deez nuts.” You laugh at your dumb joke, a laugh influenced by the daze of concussion and painkillers. You’re in hysteria, the laugh spills out and doesn’t let up. A release of built-up stress and frustration and anger that seeped out uncontrollably. Cackling at yourself for ending up in this situation. Only you would be capable of such hijinks. The laugh leaves you out of breath and with eyes full of tears. You don’t even care how it exacerbates the headache, or how you’re coming off as insane. It feels too good to let out the pent-up emotions, one way or another.
Your elation is cut short with a squeak as a gloved hand cuts harshly into your trachea. Ghost squeezes, roughly lifting you by the neck before shoving you back down on the hospital bed, his grip tighter than before. His voice is low and filled with caution, “I am getting sick of you.”
If you could breathe enough to talk, you’d tell him the feeling’s mutual. Instead you gag and sputter, which he takes as a sign that you are still getting air, and forces more of his weight onto your neck.
Your hands fail to defend yourself, the restraints holding you from fighting back. You’re getting close to blacking out, your laugh having already knock most of the wind out of you, but Mohawk pulls Ghost off of you, his hands firm on Ghost’s shoulders, “Stop! Stop.”
You involuntarily gasp, desperate for air, trying not to choke on your own spit. For a moment all you can hear is the blood rushing in your ears, flowing desperately to replace what Ghost restricted.
“Come on, last try.” He warns, and you can tell in your voice he means it.
You eye him carefully, still heaving for air. When you collect yourself, you speak, “I’ll show you.” You say, voice weak and breathy. You try to hold out your hand, but get stopped by the restraints.
Mohawk glances at Ghost, but Ghost keeps his stern eyes trained on you. He stays still for a moment, studying you with his arms crossed.
You roll your eyes, your chest still huffing as you reclaim your air, “Don’t trust me? Fine. I’ll walk you through it. Put the fucking bracelet on.”
He stares for another moment before taking the device from Mohawk. Must of handed it off so he could strangle you better.
He puts it on his wrist.
“Now tap the top.”
He follows your instructions, the wrist remote’s projection displaying above his wrist.
“Go ahead and open your settings.” You guide him through it, activating a few select overlays. “You got it. Now put the earpiece on.”
Ghost hesitates, looking over to his companion before he slowly reaches up underneath his balaclava, attaching the earpiece.
“Yep, and while you’re in there, go ahead and hit the button on the base.”
You watch as your design activates, displaying the transparent overlay over his eyes. He’s taken aback, unnerved by the unidentified design being so close to his vulnerable eyes.
“Ta-da!” You say sarcastically, showing off the full range of the restraints as you offer weak jazz hands. “So I’ve given you some information. Maybe you can give me a little information, yeah?”
He doesn’t say anything as he removes his hand from his mask.
“Where am I?” You ask.
“You know where you are.”
“How’d you find me?”
“We tracked your cell phone.”
You squint, “Why were you tracking my phone?” It doesn’t make any sense, there’s no way they would have been able to pin your cell phone information back to base. You don’t use it for work and there’s no way you had connected to the private Wi-Fi. It’s apples and oranges, you think.
Mohawk steps in front of Ghost and holds out his phone in your direction. It takes a moment for the image to come into view, your vision still impaired. When your eyes adjust, the screen shows you something that makes your blood turn cold.
It’s the video of Konig jerking off.
“Okay! Okay.” You wave your hands, “Just put that away, I get it.”
When you connected your phone to your software to transfer the recording of Konig, it briefly connected to your laptop.
Base internet has state-of-the-art firewalls and encryptions to prevent surveillance, hack-in, key logs.
Cell phones do not.
So they’ve been tracking you all week, and who knows what kind of information they were able to pull from your software? From your laptop, containing dozens of government secrets?
No, you think, they wouldn’t be going through the trouble of keeping me alive if they had the information on my laptop.
“What’s the matter? Embarrassed that gettin’ your rocks off caused a security breach in confidential information regarding warfare development?” Mohawk mocks.
Well, yes you were, now that he mentions it. You’re actually very worried your perverted little stunt will somehow end up forever immortalized in history books.
In the moment, though, your main concern was making sure that Konig wouldn’t find out, as you had started transmitting the device’s feed to him as soon as Ghost turned the earpiece on.
Part Three
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