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wrestlingwithlife · 2 days

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Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing Pt. 2

If you’re going to cage a wolf you better put a muzzle on it first.

Ghost X Male!Reader

Warnings : Gore, Blood, Violence, Kidnapping, Attempted SA

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“I don’t like that you’re going alone.”

Y/n rolled his eyes at Ghost’s moping, looking up from where he was kneeled down lacing his boots.

“I’ll be less than a mile away. The Commander is risky, but he’s not insane.”

Currently, the group of soldiers that Ghost and Wolf had been placed with were stationed about mile from a run down city that had been a home to one of the biggest names in the illegal arms trade.

Vincent Hanson

“But why does it have to be you?”

Wolf had been selected to venture from the temporary camp and into the abandoned city to scout out the situation and see what exactly they were dealing with.

“Please, you know I’m more capable than anyone else when it comes to recon and sneaking around.” Y/n chuckled, standing back up and adjusting his belt.

Wolf knew Ghost was pouting beneath his mask, and he could help but roll his eyes playfully. He hooked his finger through the loop of the lieutenant’s belt and gave the man a teasing tug.

“Come on now, have a little faith in me.” He joked light heartedly, stepping into Simon’s space. “You know, I think I’ll deserve a reward after this tough job I’ve been given~”

Ghost snorted, hand resting on Y/n’s hip. “Why don’t you focus coming back alive and then we’ll talk about that reward, yeah?”

The h/c haired male preened under Ghost’s touch. “Deal.”

Y/n broke away from Ghost’s hold, checking in one last time with the Commander before disappearing into the surrounding terrain.

Maybe Ghost was overthinking it. Truly, how much could go wrong on such a simple mission?

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜

A lot, apparently.

Y/n’s chest ached for air as he rounded the corner of another building. His e/c eyes desperately searched for a place to take shelter.

His right hand clutched at his left arm, desperately trying to slow the bleeding of the bullet wound in his bicep.

His eyes found a narrow alley, partially blocked by a rusted dumpster. He took off towards the opening, slipping through it just as his pursuers rounded the corner.

He bit down on his lip, back pressed against the dumpster as he listened to the pounding of footsteps and shouting fade away.

The h/c haired male took a couple shaky breaths as he pulled out his walkie-talkie.

“Commander…” Wolf’s voice shook like leaf in a storm and he swallowed, trying again.

“Commander, please come in.” Wolf hauled himself up, moving away from the entrance of the alley.

Ghost had been talking to the Commander when his walkie-talkie crackled to life, Y/n’s desperate voice silencing any soldier that was nearby.

“Commander, they knew we were coming. They were waiting.” Ghost could hear the labored breaths through the static of the coms and he felt his heart sink.

“We’re tracking you now, Wolf.” The commander informed the stranded soldier as the remaining soldiers grew ready to depart. “Are you in a secure location?”

“For now—“ As he spoke there was a loud crash from Wolf’s end, the sound of glass shattering before the line went silent.

“Shit.”

Alarm bells were ringing in Ghost’s mind and he awaited no further instructions, taking off towards the city, his squad hot on his heels.

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜

Wolf’s e/c eyes open blearily, the light that was filtering into the room making his headache worsen. The male gave a low groan, his body tied to the rusting metal chair he’d been placed in.

The h/c haired male’s gear had been piled up uselessly in a far corner, leaving him with nothing and feeling vulnerable. Y/n allowed his eyes to trail down in an attempt to check his own state.

The fabric on his bicep was now red and sticky from his bullet wound, but it did seem that the bleeding had at least slowed for the time being. The front of his shirt had been sliced open, a few new cuts and nicks left over his s/c chest. Those certainly had not been there before.

Wolf suddenly felt extremely vulnerable in his place amongst the empty room. The windows were boarded up and while the place was run down it seemed every piece of furniture and rubble had been removed from the room besides the metal chair itself.

Perhaps if he could rub the ropes against the rust to weaken them, or—

His thought process was put to a halt by the sound of approaching footsteps. They were heavy, commanding attention and a clear indication this person was confident and unafraid.

Wolf’s lip curled as the very man he’d come in search for appeared in the door way.

“You sick bastard.” He spat, venom dripping off his every word.

Vincent’s smirk widened, circling Y/n like a predator to its prey.

“You were hard to snare, I’ll give you that.” The oily voice that came from the man’s lips made Y/n’s stomach turn. “Glad they brought you to me alive, you wouldn’t be nearly as fun dead.”

Something dark swam deep in Vincent’s eyes, something Wolf recognized immediately. The trapped male thrashed as best he could as the man’s hand trailed down his bleeding chest and to his belt.

“Seems such a waist to not use such a pretty face like yours.” He cooed, with an oily grin. Pure adrenaline pumped through Y/n’s body, only hearing the thundering of his own heart beat in his ears as Vincent sunk towards him.

Fight or flight had kicked in long ago, but there wasn’t much a fight to be put up and flight was certainly not a choice.

However, there is a fatal flaw when it comes to cornering a wild beast.

Its jaws.

Wolf’s eyes locked on to his only available target and before he could even process he surged forward as much as his restraints would allow, jaws sinking into the exposed neck of his captor.

A strangled scream tore through the room, a symphony of agony echoing off the cold, lifeless walls. The man's grip weakened, his body convulsing in a blend of shock and pain as Wolf’s primal act of defiance struck at the injustice perpetrated upon him.

As his movements stopped Y/n released, watching the man flop down before him in a heap, dying a slow and agonizing death as he chocked on his own blood.

The door to the room suddenly slammed open, Ghost barreling in like a hurricane, his gun drawn and ready. His eyes widened and his stance faltered at the sight before him.

Y/n, bathed in a mix of his own blood and the blood of others, watching him with an almost feral look in his eye. His eyes darted down to the twitching body of Vincent before flicking back.

“Holy shit…”

It was quite clear what had happened, with Vincent’s bloody neck and all, but Ghost couldn’t give less fucks about the dying man as he finally broke his stance and hurried to Y/n’s side.

He mumbled reassurance to Y/n as he flipped open his pocket knife to undo the bindings.

“Just breathe…” He murmured as he cut through the last ropes around Wolf’s ankles. “…I got you now, love.”

Y/n was still in a daze as the other soldiers came into the room. Two collected Vincent’s body, and a few others tried to approach to help, but Ghost shooed them away.

“Come on now, the sooner we get you back the better.” Ghost’s tone was soft, gentle one may even say, as he help Y/n up from the seat and gave him his jacket to cover up his exposed torso.

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜

Y/n laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling blankly.

What was wrong with him? He’d killed a hundred times before. What was so different about this time? Why was this one lasting so long within his head?

But Y/n knew, of course he did.

This one had been personal, quite literally in Y/n’s face.

A voice in the back of his head tried to reason with him.

‘You had to kill him. You were in danger. He was going to die anyway.’

But it didn’t help ease anything.

There was a soft knock on the door and Ghost ducked into the room, shutting the door behind him. His steps were silent as he approached, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I just finish the debriefing with Price, told him to give you a while before he tried to talk to you about it.”

Y/n appreciated that, he felt like he’d crumple into a heap if he even tried to get out of bed at this point.

“I told him what you told me.” Ghost’s hand approached his head, slow and gentle, before combing through his h/c hair.

“You couldn’t have done it any other way.”

“I know.”

“He was going to die anyways.”

“Yeah.”

Ghost sighed, scooting Y/n over to give himself room to lie beside him. They both just lay there in a heavy silence for a while. Surprisingly, Y/n broke it first.

“Were you scared?”

Ghost quirked a brow at the question, turning his gaze to look at the troubled male.

“Of what?”

“I must have looked down right feral.”

Ghost shook his head. “I wasn’t scared of you. I was terrified for you. When you radioed in I didn’t think I’d make it in time.”

Ghost rolled over onto his side to face Y/n and Wolf moved to meet him. They fit together like puzzle pieces.

Two exhausted, scarred, and worn down puzzle pieces.

“I didn’t even think about it…” Y/n murmured quietly, as if scared to shatter the moment. “…like it was an instinct. Like I was some sort of rabid dog.”

“Hush.” The Brit scolded, grip on Y/n tightening. “You’re not, you did what you did to survive. That’s it. No soldier there judged you for even a second.”

Y/n’s eyes grew heavier, the pain medication taking its toll over him. He gave a heavy sigh, feeling a bit of weight leave his shoulders.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I am.”

Normally, Wolf would had rolled his eyes, and made a comment on the lieutenant’s tone, but not now.

Now, sleep was calling his name.

#cod x male reader #cod x reader #simon ghost riley #male reader #ghost x male reader #task force 141 #cod fanfic #cod #cod ghost

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tohakumaru · 2 days

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[project page]

>walk away, go with the nomad. i love you.

since you cannot cry, you make an effort to push the stale air out of your lungs, a poor imitation of a sigh - i guess bad habits really die hard. if the nomad has noticed, then it pays you no mind and simply carries on. casting one last lingering glance at the water and the sky above, you dutifully follow. after a short while, it becomes clear that something has changed. the nomad has picked up its pace, moving in erratic strides. here and there, you find it dashing across the sand, beak and head angled upwards, as though searching, or following an invisible thread in the air, one that you can feel, but cannot quite grasp, like a long forgotten name - always on the tip of your tongue, yet never to be spoken aloud. at times, you struggle to keep up. it's so hard, you're so tired, it's too much. your eyes burn with fatigue. you want to scream, to beg the bird-thing to slow down, but the words evade you everytime you open your mouth, and the nomad does not so much as look at you. a hot and bitter pressure builds behind your nose and muffles your ears. once again you feel yourself falling apart - but the blanket wrapped around your frame and the water sloshing in your hollow stomach seem to work against your body's trajectory to disintegrate, two forces swirling inside and all around you, like a wicked pendulum that propels you forward despite, despite.

i won't let you go, should have known that from the start.

---

tenderly her eyes made their pilgrimage across the mounds of glass and steel, mourning perhaps hunger is a cure for insanity, shut-you-up-real-nice knowing full well being alive is a horrendously beautiful thing while the dogs, blood stained snouts dig out the madness, turn it into a five course meal heaving, a still-beating heart melts like butter on their lips as poorly clipped nails fumbled and fussed,

just enough to make a day-ride.

---

in this fashion, you and the nomad dance across the white sand for some time, until a hillside comes into view. upon closer inspection, you are awed to realise it is made entirely of roots. at the foot of this strange hill, a grove - an incredible indent in that tangled mass that is the tree-hill - opens up and presents an even more curious sight: 12 creatures, each bearing the likeness of a bird, but is clearly not one. they stand stock-still and solemn, with multitudes of dried flowers and glittering gemstones at their feet. their faces, elongated and coming to pointy, beak-like ends, are not dissimilar to the nomad, but much more haggard; and so immobile, it is easy to mistake them for statues, has there not been the occassional puffs of dusty smoke and shrill noises, like a kettle boiling over, coming from their beaks and throats that betray any hints of liveliness about them.

the nomad slows its steps, and looks down. it keeps its eyes to the ground as you get nearer to the grove. it occurs to you that it is avoiding the living-statues' gaze. surprisingly, they reciprocrate the gesture. Ever so slightly each of them turn their head, so their eyes fall off the nomad, and onto … you. you, who does not belong you, who comes on a leash, believing it to be choice you, who dies, and nothing changes

to your bewilderment, the statues came to life, all at once. they grovel at the flowers and gems, and toss them in handfuls at you as the nomad leads you through the grove, leaving a trail of petals and stones. when you pass the 12th statue and come to the end of the opening, everything suddenly shifts: slowly, mechanically, the roots shape themselves into a winding stairway, leading you up the hill.

calmly, the nomad signals you to go up.

what do you do?

[previous chapter]

#illustration #fiction #drawing #impossible nomad #writing #storytelling #prose #poetry #poll #stories #ocs #creatures #monster #art #artists on tumblr

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gamerbearmira · 3 days

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More resident evil 8 Au things!

So first thing Miranda is absolutely Insane/delusional in game at least to me she was (she quite literally fits the definition of insanity by doing the same things over and over again expecting different results) and I wanted to explore that a bit more in this AU than what we got in the original game, we did get more insane/delusional Miranda in the DLC but it wasn't enough for me because I find her insanity/delusional thought process to be fascinating. Does she need to chill? absolutely! Will she? Never. She's the absolute worst and she will continue to be the absolute worst until Ethan kills her. And your right Miranda is stuck on f tier on everyone's tier list! (Even the Lord's except Monroe because he's a suck up)

Part of Miranda's reasoning for removing Mirabel from Alcina was because to Miranda she was ready to start her lording duties (which she was not she was a young child and that's a lot of responsibility for a young child) but it was mostly because Miranda was getting jealous and kind of paranoid over the relationship that Mirabel and Alcina and her daughters were starting to form at the time and separated them.

Because while you are correct that Alcina and her daughters wouldn't be the best at raising an emotionally vulnerable child like Mirabel was, they to me wouldn't be the worst and would try their best to give her the best childhood they could while she was with them. Were they perfect? of course not, but they tried really hard to be better for her. They all tried to be as nonviolent as they physically could because they could tell that violence bothered her, they spent as much time as they could with her playing/reading/ teaching her things etc, they would give her anything she asked for without asking her to do anything in return and if they did ask her to do something it would be something small like 'finish your school work' or 'clean part of your room/playroom', and most importantly if they did something to hurt her even if it was on accident they would take the time to apologize and try to make up for it. All in all while she was there they absolutely spoiled and doted on her and for the most part Mirabel was actually fairly happy with them, Alcina and her daughters really stepped up to make a safe space for her and treated her as one of their own. Of course she was upset and sad about being away from her family and so far away from home obviously she would have been a lot happier at home with her family but she couldn't be with them because of Miranda. And Maribel does love Alcina and her daughters she isn't just grateful to them for what they did for her. She genuinely loves and cares about them as her adoptive family and will sometimes call Alcina mother and the daughters sisters (never in front of Julieta or her actual sisters though she feels too guilty). She just wishes that they could be better people but they can't because the specific mutation that they have makes it to where they need to eat human flesh and to me their mutation also affects how they act and increases their aggression to the point where it's impossible for them to be in control of their anger and that causes them to lash out a lot and because of that Mirabel tries to keep a distance between them because it hurts her that they can't be better people because of their mutation.

And you were right the creepy casita was not alive when Mirabel first got there it was originally just a regular house that was modeled after her family home with a couple of changes. Like how Casita has their courtyard but it is made completely of tiles The creepy Casita has a garden type courtyard in it with patheways around it and obviously the creepy casita has a very large basement for Mirabel's experiments. And whereas casita is mainly a yellow color with orange tiled roof the green tower and the pink and kind of maroon highlights that it has on the one wall in front and then the one wall in back The creepy casita is a mainly gray color with a black tile roof and a dark purplish Tower and two different types of darker blue colors on the walls The darker of the two shades on the back wall. The way that The creepy casita basically comes to life is that one day a little bit after being sent there (let's say 3 months) Mirabel kind of has an emotional breakdown because of how lonely she had felt and all of the pressure that she had been under and kind of explodes this black mold out of her body during the breakdown and it seeped into the floorboards and walls which Mirabel didn't realize until suddenly the house started to comfort her like Casita used too and the house has been alive ever since.

Miranda forcing Mirabel to experiment on her family just months after getting them back was something that she was always going to do. Her intention when she went to get them was that they were going to be experimented on and it was going to be done by Mirabel because she wanted to experiment on the miracle/magic but at the same time she wanted to test Mirabel and see where her "true loyalties lied" it was just a very happy bonus to Miranda that Mirabel had stopped doing some of her experiments so that she would have an excuse to have her experiment on them and that she could pin the blame for having Maribel experiment on them on Mirabel herself saying things like "if you had just continued to do your job none of this would have happened".

As for ideas for how the family looks. For the most part everyone looks the same the miracle protected their bodies from too many physical mutations so all of them only really have one mutation. Antonio has his eye and I do like the idea of the mold spreading a little bit but not too far across his face I feel like it would spread up to the side of his nose and a little bit into his hairline (kind of like zuko scar from Avatar but a little bit more scar going towards the nose).

Alma has a fairly decent size scar on her throat That kind of looks infected by the black mold like there's a little bit of black veins coming from it and sometimes the scar will start leaking black mold but other than that she looks normal

Julieta has no physical mutations besides the times that her hands start to open up and leak black mold she has scars on the top of her hands though just underneath her knuckles.

Peppa Felix and Augustine don't have any obvious physical changes Peppa's back has scars that look like lightning strikes but are completely black. both Felix and Augustine have autopsy scars across their chest that also look like they're infected with the black mold having little black veins near them and also will leak black mold.

Isabela and Luisa's mutation affects their arms Luisa has scars underneath her biceps and both of her arms have black veins instead of regular veins whereas Isabela has vines that are completely covered in black mold wrapped around her arms.

Bruno's mutation comes and goes basically his eyes start filling with the black mold to the point that it is leaking out of his eyes it makes his eyesight go completely black and he can't see anything for a random amount of time.

Dolores's mutation is barely noticeable because it covers her ears and her ears basically look like they are completely infected with black mold on the inside in a little bit on the outside.

As for bugs for each family members redesign I picked bugs a little bit based off of their personality so

Dolores: house fly

Pepa:Yellow jacket

Felix: rhinoceros beetle

Alma's I kept the same from the movie: monarch butterfly

Camilo: Firefly / lightning bug

Julieta: Honey Bee

Augustine: Red Ant

Isabela: Jumping spider

Luisa: Ironclad beetle

Bruno: sweat-fly

As always any and all artwork is appreciated!

I'M SORRY THIS TOOK. SO LONG 🥴😭

As an apology, I will be writing a snippet and doing more art. I'm so sorry for taking so long I got busy 💀💀

ANYWAYYYY. Miranda being insane, like an actual psychopath??? Like is it really surprising. In the backstory, and the main game AND DLC she is literally making some of the most insane decisions. And she doesn’t have anyone’s best interest in mind,except in this instance maybe Mirabel. And even then,it’s only because Miranda wants to use Mirabel to get back Eva. She will never chill 😭

Her getting jealous of Alcina is wild lmao 🧌 she’s one to talk,I mean. Be so fr Miranda,,,,At least Lady D and her daughters did their best to care for Mirabel, to some extent. And they taught her stuff. The most that Miranda ever did was give her some clothes and some infected toys. Other than that??? Trauma and some terrible scars and the ability to fly 🤕

Also shoutout for dupe Casita coming to live and coming in clutch I mean. Mirabel was probably so scared and stressed out, like that must’ve been a God send for Mirabel cause me??? I would’ve tapped out SO fast 🙏

As for the experiments. The fact that she was always planning it?? Like sort of implies sge had to have been watching and been aware of the Madrigals for a while, planned to take Mirabel, probably break her down and then make her experiment on her family. How low does she have to go 🌚 Also thinming, Miranda also took some residents of the Encanto right??? Bro 😭 you think Mirabel sees some of the people she used to help??? Crazy

Guess the residents weren't very evil 😔 BUT THE BUG IDEAS SO COOL...will eventually make designs for anyone, but for now, these residents who aren't evil

Also very random question, but do you think Pedro has any relevance?? I mean. Do you think Mirabel might've seen that consciousness can be stored and thought about Pedro? Not bringing him back tho, though she's not as crazy as Miranda lmao 💀💀

Idk just thinking. ANYWAY. WILL BE DOING A SNIPPET WITH ART...probably with Alma, Antonio, and Mirabel somehow. Idk, it's after Antonio's experiment so he's still recovering. But idk if it should be before or after Alma's experiment because I kinda want Mirabel to just apologize, but then I kinda want Alma to be self-aware and realize that she's going to be next, or up next at any given point.

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novelconcepts · 2 years

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The audio reel in my head all day, every day lately:

time is running out, mortality is closing in, the world feels like it’s finding new ways to end every other day, I have so much to do, to see, to make, to consume, I could die at any moment, there aren’t enough hours, I’m so exhausted, there isn’t enough motherfucking time

Also my brain:

put that thing off a little longer, you don’t deserve it yet

#personal #hi hello sometimes I forget I have critical-mass levels of anxiety and depression #and sometimes I can square it off in a nice little box #so long as I don’t turn off the audiobook/music/podcast/tv show/YouTube essay #so long as I don’t let it be quiet too long #so long as I make my body run and sit in the sun and put words on the page #I can pretend it’s not eating me alive #but lately? ooooh buddy lately. no job no income no purpose endless wells of grief and terror and the walls are closing the fuck in #and like. i LIKE being unemployed in a way. it’s the first time I’ve had a chance to just…read and work out and write in a long time #with no real rules except what I set for myself #that’s great! that’s amazing! that’s how humans should operate.#capitalism says with no job you’ll be bored. I’m never bored. i just am. so aware of time.#and how little we have. and how old I am. and how fucked the world is.#bored? hell no. how could I be? i can’t fucking move fast enough.#and yet. i keep putting off books and comics and show rewatches until I’m ‘ready’#i feel insane. this feels insane. what a time to be alive.

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passionfruitbowls · 6 months

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a very happy anniversary to passion aka one of the episodes that made me lose my marbles aka the episode in which:

marinette unashamedly fawns over chat noir in the presence of an exasperated alya, pastel pink romantic montage with roses included

adrien thinks about marinette throughout his entire morning routine while saying her name to himself like a mantra and literally drawing her face on his bathroom window

gabriel and nathalie have a custody battle under the guise of talking about pancakes

nathalie yearns for- i mean mourns emilie

adrien tells marinette that she’s special and that her mere presence is enough to make him happy in the most tender voice one can possibly imagine while looking at her with eyes that scream “I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU”

chat noir says the phrase “hashtag run!” before yeeting a paralysed ladybug over a bus

lady noire flirts with compliments mister bug by saying that his suit “brings out the colour” of his eyes

lady noire scolds safari and says that no one is allowed to flatten her partner’s “gorgeous face”

lady noire straight up says that only she is allowed to pursue mister bug

did i mention that lady noire is horrendously, indisputably down bad for mister bug

lady noire asks mister bug for a kiss goodbye but ahahaha nooo she was only joking!!! she knows that the thing she’s forgotten to do is to swap their miraculous again. obviously.

#SEE WHAT I MEAN??? INSANE. seriously mid to late 2022 was a GREAT time to be alive if you were an ml fan. phenomenal even #just banger after banger and non-stop jaw dropping moments #(to be clear i’m not dunking on newer episodes i’m just feeling nostalgic)#miraculous ladybug #ml passion #ml season 5 #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #adrienette #misternoire #pfb talks

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whollyjoly · 28 days

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so aisha just tweeted this....

and im looking at those last two emojis 😐😳....

and i remember that lou said this....

...and this....

...

...what does it MEAN??

#i have a prediction that feels insane and too good to be true #but i also said that last week about buck asking tommy to be his date at the wedding #and here we are #SO HERE IT GOES:#tommy rescues chim from whatever the fuck he's up to #and makes a dramatic ass entrance in the helicopter at the venue #maybe lands it on the grass cause theres a lot of it??#and the doors fly open and a soot-stained tommy and worse-for-wear chim stumble out #and their buckleys run up and kiss them #and the 😳 is the kiss revealing to everyone that buck is bi and dating tommy!!!#THATS THE INSANE CORKBOARD THEORY #i'll see you back here in three weeks and see how we did #✨i am manifesting✨#what a time to be alive #(i feel like im going insane)#aisha hinds #lou ferrigno jr #911 cast #bucktommy #kinkley #tevan #tuck #whatever else the fuck #otp: better ways to get your attention #evan buckley #tommy kinard #madney wedding #911 spec #911 abc #911 on abc

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odetokeons · 11 months

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the good omens leak trending over silvio berlusconi's death on june 12th 2023 has the same energy as destiel trending over the presidential elections on november 5th 2020

#june 12th 2023 is to the good omens fandom what november 5th 2020 is to the supernatural fandom #can't believe i got to live through both of these major historical events #i feel INSANE #also i hereby declare june 12th an official Tumblr Holiday (like nov 5th the ides of march etc)#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens season 2 #supernatural #WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE

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caffeinatedopossum · 4 months

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I think I know now what it is about life that makes it worth living and I hate that I can't tell anyone. I can't write it down for me to reread when I forget because it's... just a feeling. And maybe you aren't supposed to be able to put that into words or hold onto it. You just have to trust that you'll feel it again

#im crying and i probably sound insane talking about the meaning of life on tumblr dot com #but i am insane! and im completely serious #im so glad im alive..im so glad i didnt kill myself. im so glad im here right now still feeling things i dont understand #i know im only 20 and i know this life has more to offer but... i get the feeling ill have had enough at just the right time #i hope i get to die old and happt #and before that i hope i get to experience... well. everything #i know i won't. but ill know when ive experienced *my* everything. when im ready to die it wont feel like this #which means im not ready to die yet #what a silly thing to feel liberated by questions most people may never ask themselves

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ratskool · 6 months

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I’m like Johnny Truant in the tags of every goddamn post I make or reblog on this site and I’m not apologizing. If you want me to apologize come over to my house and you can talk to the minotaur about it

#House of leaves #im literally going insane these days I should go back to journaling but I’m also afraid of how far off the deep end I’ll go #Literally I am losing it and I’m being serious #I’m so fucking tired of being lonely and being left out and not being able to make connections #Sometimes I feel as if im doing things without realizing and no one is telling me about it #Other times it feels like I must have something incredibly wrong with my face or body and no one will say anything #People make plans and don’t bother to ask me if I want to join and then when I find out there’s a group chat that all my friends are in #Except me and when I asked if I could join I was given a bunch of reasons that were frankly bullshit why I couldn’t join #Are they talking shit about me? I know everybody there it’s not like I am a stranger #Am I just a stranger in this world as I unllikeable? I try my best to be nice and charitable but what am I missing?#Do I black out and say things and do things? Am I more mentally ill than I know?#The only reason (or one of the very few) why I stay alive is because of my horses because I know they would miss me and I already feel bad #Not seeing them everyday #I’m tired of being the odd one out I’m tired of being entertaining when necessary #I don’t want my only friends to be horses because it further alienates me from the rest of society and I just want to be accepted I’m not #Looking to fit in I just want connection and friendship and I can barely seem to manage that #Maybe I’m just not worth it.

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distort-opia · 2 years

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the fact that joker needs batman more than he needs joker is a very interesting factor of batjokes, makes me bitter as fuck (pardon my language), but still, a very interesting part of their relationship.

never have i thought that batman and joker's relationship would hit so close to home for me. in one of your posts ive seen someone mention that joker loves but hates batman for that exact reason and man. why did they make joker so damn relatable.

Yeah, it's definitely a conflict on Joker's part, which tends to get a bit overlooked in fandom. Joker is obsessed with, and in love, with Batman -- but he doesn't always like it. He's been trying to kill the guy and telling him he hates him, almost as frequently as he's told him he loves him. But yeah, both me and @lankylordoflevity have discussed this somewhere in my asks before.

But you know, while Joker does undoubtedly need Bruce more... his love for Bruce is a lifeline in many ways. His obsession with Batman gave him a purpose, kept him alive after he fell into the acid vat; his love is everything he has that matters, but it's so all-encompassing because he's got absolutely nothing else. Joker doesn't have a family, or any kind of moral rules, or anything that important to him. While Joker is conflicted about his dependence on Batman's existence, at the end of the day, to him... this love gives much more than it takes away.

But Bruce stands to lose so much. His inability to let Joker go has caused so much harm already. He's made some very questionable choices over time, among which him nearly killing Jason at the end of UtRH to save Joker's life is probably the biggest. His relationship with Jason suffered as a result; all of his relationships suffer from it, one way or another. After being shot in the spine, Barbara had to hear that Batman was seen laughing together with the man who shot her. Over the years, she had to watch Bruce go out of his way to save Joker's life, even when she asked him not to, even when it wouldn't have contradicted Bruce's rules to let Joker die. His relationship with Joker was a big obstacle even in his relationship with Selina; that's kind of the plot of Batman/Catwoman. And this is something Snyder saw too -- how difficult this pattern of Bruce's is to overlook, and how hard the Batfamily avoids addressing it. Death of the Family is literally about the impact of Bruce's selfish and reckless actions regarding Joker on the Family, and the understandable rift that follows when they can't help but realize Joker wasn't wrong. Because the reality is, Bruce has saved Joker's life so many times and in such ridiculous conditions at this point that it's baffling. And what Joker keeps doing after is more murder, more destruction, and worst of all: he keeps being a danger to all the people Bruce loves. Yet Bruce can't find it in him to genuinely let him die.

I guess, what I mean is, Bruce is the one to suffer the biggest consequences for his side of things. Hundreds of deaths, untold destruction, the eternal possibility of Joker crossing another line and killing more of his Family. Joker may need Batman more because he's got nothing else... but how many more excuses can Bruce come up with, to himself and to others, for the fact he keeps risking so much to keep Joker alive? In the end, what's crazier? Needing someone so badly that loving them is barely a choice, or choosing someone again and again no matter the costs while claiming you don't love them?

Don't know if that helps with the bitterness, Anon. Kind of ended up going off with my own thoughts about this. But for me a fascinating part of Batjokes is Bruce's own side of things, that often gets dismissed as him not reciprocating, or him being less invested. Joker is loud and vocal about his love, and it's easy to take him on his word; when actually, Joker would be the first to balk at the idea of a relationship that involved anything other than violence. Bruce is vocal about his hatred for Joker and his wish that Joker would die, but his actions contradict that time and time again; when he's the one to reach out and the one to keep Joker alive, even when Joker himself is trying his damndest to die. As the villain, if someone else murders him, or if Bruce snaps and kills him, Joker... wins. It's what he wants. But Bruce loses when he keeps Joker alive, and he'd lose himself if he finally murdered Joker.

One way or the other, Bruce always loses.

#asks #joker #batjokes #batjokes meta #my meta #Bruce can only 'win' by rehabilitating Joker. or not even #he can only win by HELPING Joker and in the process making him stop killing #and also it needs saying that. in many ways Bruce perpetually saving Joker IS a consequence of Joker's plot armor #and the fact DC needs to keep him alive so they can keep telling stories #but you know what. even then I feel like they could've cut down on the sheer amount of times Bruce had to save Joker #at the cost of others #I get that it's a compelling moral dilemma since we're talking about his nemesis and everything #but overusing it this way led to THIS. to decades of Bruce choosing to keep Joker alive #and Doylist perspective aside. from a purely Watsonian standpoint. how the hell can you explain it at this point #other than through an emotional attachment #it's such a cliche but I am hesitant about the word 'love' for it #both on Bruce's and Joker's side #because it's just so. fucking insane #what they have encompasses half the spectrum of human emotion. maybe more

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