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kwonhoshi0 · 3 years

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𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 | fic

navigation | bonus : the dress

pairing : todoroki x fem! reader

genre : fluffiest fluff it’s disgusting and sMIdge of angst

word count : 3.5k+

warnings : season s3/4 spoilers, mentions of anxiety and worry

themes : mutual pining, suppressed feelings

summary : you’ve liked todoroki since the first class, you often caught him looking at you but neither of you really knew how to handle this stuff so when you had the chance to be more you decided not to ruin the friendship already there, but being great friends meant you can never confess to him because of the fear of ruining a friendship on top of the that the school festival is just around the corner and you’re doing a duet with jirou, so why isn’t it jirou up on the stage with you.

| 1 month until the festival |

‘okay so, we still have time for one more song after the group song’, iida looked around the room before jirou spoke up, ‘actually iida i was wondering if i could do a duet with.. y/n’, you paused before looking up in disbelief ‘me? but..’ you love singing but it’s been so long since you’ve been up on a stage ‘before you say no, ive heard you sing y/n you are.. incredible and ive always wanted to do a duet with you and this is the perfect opportunity’ she shuffled her feet a little, you stared at her shocked, ‘y/n she’s right you’re amazing’ todoroki spoke up making your stomach flip ‘fine but i have to practice a lot’ you sigh defeated, ‘you wont regret this!’ she grinned.

after sorting out all your parts for the show you all got to work, you sent todoroki a little smile which he returned, ‘hey y/n, lets get started on which song to do’ you nod sitting at the kitchen table. ‘i think the song should be moving, not necessarily slow but not too fast?’ she nodded, ‘exactly what i was thinking, i have a couple ideas’ she scrolled through her laptop for songs, you looked up for a second watching todoroki figure out how they’re going to break his ice for the performance, he was pouting a little making small gestures with his hands which made you smile you locked eyes for a moment, instead of looking away like you would’ve when you first met him you shot him a grin which he returned his cheeks dusting pink, ‘okay so this is one of the songs i was thinking’ your attention snapped back to the laptop in front of you, you went through a couple songs before deciding on one final song, ‘rewrite the stars’ you had both watched the movie that it’s from and decided on doing the dance as well with the help of tsu for the lifting part, you practised the dance first since singing was a lot easier than dancing for the both of you.

you used one of the training facility’s to learn the dance wanting to keep the song and dance a surprise from your friends, walking back to the dorms exhausted, jirou smirked at you, ‘i saw you staring at todoroki back when we were looking for songs’ you held back a smile ‘i- uh yeah we’re friends’ you said cursing at yourself for the stutter, ‘friends don’t look at each other the way you two do’ smiling sadly you look at her, ‘i don’t want to ruin the friendship we have’ handing you her water bottle she gave you an encouraging look ‘y/n i see the way he looks at you, but i understand where you’re coming from, i just hope you both realise’ nodding you walked into the dorms together looking up to see everyone sweating from dancing, ‘HEY GUYS!!’ denki waved, you waved back at the blonde ‘y/n, jirou!! we decided on having a movie night tonight for our hard works!’ mina panted.

you grabbed a towel from your wardrobe heading to your bathroom to wash yourself of the sweat, while showering you were reminded of the time you and todoroki got soaked from the rain while walking back to the dorms, he saw you shivering and you weren’t really friends yet so you were surprised when he walked next to you warming you up with his quirk, ‘todoroki you don’t have to i’m o-okay’ you smile up into his grey and blue eyes ‘you’re shivering, you’ll catch a cold if you stay out like this’ he replied while you both walked a little faster, you hurried inside, sitting on the sofa he moved his hands up and down your arms warming you up ‘thank you todoroki’ he smiled, ‘call me shoto’. you smiled at the memory walking back into your room after getting changed to see todoroki sat on your bed, ‘i have movie options for tonight it’s our turn to pic-’ he froze a little, his eyes stuck on your clothes, you decided to wear an oversized shirt with shorts which you couldn’t really see with the t-shirt and your hair still wet, ‘what, what happened’ you said concern laced your voice, blushing his gaze returned to the video game he was playing ‘its our turn to pick, any movie you want to watch?’ you shook your head sitting next to him, it was quite common for todoroki to come into your room uninvited, you didn’t have anything to hide from him, well other than being in love with him.. but nothing in your room can prove that, you had gotten a lot closer after each villain attack, you are a lot stronger than you look but that doesn’t mean you weren’t upset you could’ve done better which means you’re a lot harder on yourself then you should be, somehow he’s always there to help you, he caught you training late at night but you were pushing yourself way too hard and he’s made you train with him since then so you don’t overexert yourself. ‘hmm, actually how about the greatest showman’ you looked to the boy beside you, ‘i have no clue what that is’.

you turned the movie on despite the protests from a certain ashe blonde, you told jirou you wanted them to watch the movie so when they see you both perform they’ll connect the dots to which she agreed was a great idea. finding your space between todoroki and denki you snuggled into the blanket over the two of you. you didn’t see this but he watched the way you sang along to all the songs everyone, he watched your eyes twinkle from the light of the tv, the way your hair frames your face perfectly, he quickly snapped out of these thoughts when you leaned back against the sofa getting tired. ‘are you tired’ he whispered into your ear, nodding you asked ‘are you?’ shaking his head he accepted the hot chocolate mina made everyone, taking your hot chocolate you blew on it a little before taking a sip, sighing from the warm liquid warming your throat you slumped back your knees slightly brushing against todoroki’s in the process. he smiled at your relaxed form. you set the hot chocolate down before slipping back into the position you were in and falling asleep.

you woke up and groaned, looking at the time it’s 3am and you’re back in your bed? a little confused you head downstairs to grab some water, everyone had gone back to bed since the movie probably ended a while ago, ‘hey’ you jumped at the sudden noise turning around to see todoroki laughing at your scared figure ‘jesus’ you laughed as well, it was always nice laughing with him, he doesn’t laugh often so when he does you cherish it, ‘what are you doing down here’ he spoke up as you sipped on your water, ‘i got a little confused because i woke up in my room and then got thirsty’ you smiled shaking the water bottle in your hand, ‘i uh carried you’ he said softly, blush dusting his cheeks, you also turned a little red at his words ‘thank you’ you handed him a water bottle grinning.

the last couple weeks went by pretty fast, you opened up the jirou about todoroki and she seemed pretty set on getting you both together but for the last 3 weeks of you both practising she either cancelled last minute so you practised by yourself or she barely practised with you at all only making sure you perfected the moves, you were a little worried about the performance since when you went over the whole song she kept forgetting the dance, she told you she practises at night but that didn’t reassure you much.

the last week rolled around and you were worried as hell, the performance is right around the corner and jirou is barely trying also todoroki wasn’t hanging out with you as much as usual, you game together on weekends but he was no where to be seen, you shrugged it off since everyone’s busy with the festival and school.

the last day rolled around faster than you hoped it would, the duet you and jirou had been working on wasn’t going great, you had practised hard and got all the little steps right along with the song but it’s like jirou didn’t care about your duet since she was doing great when practising the group song, which had you riddled with nerves, you had practised the levitating move with tsu, jirou didn’t even bother to show up for that day and you needed to talk to her about it but everytime you tried she said everything will be okay scared you just went along with it. since it’s the day before the performance you decided to head to the closed training facility just to make sure you got everything right, just as you were about to head in you saw the lights on, peering around the corner your heart dropped, you saw todoroki with jirou he was on the ground and she held out her hand pulling him up as they laughed, was she just trying to get closer to him this whole time?... you ran back to the dorms tears silently dropping down your face as you did. ‘oh god, y/n what happened?’ momo ran over as you walked into the dorms, ‘nothing it’s fine, i’m fine’ you said wiping away your tears before shutting yourself off in your room leaving your friends to share looks of concern, it took a lot for you to break down like that in front of everyone. how can you do the performance now. you were angry, not at todoroki but jirou for manipulating you like that, you had to go through with the performance though you thought as memories of you and todoroki flooded your head, you knew he didn’t like you but seeing him with someone else hurt a lot more than you thought i would, you sat there as tears slid down your face in silence. you heard a knock on your door, you stayed silent just so they would leave, ‘y/n it’s me.. please open the door’ it was todoroki, your heart hurt at his voice which was laced with concern and worry. you opened the door, ‘what happened’ he looked at you sadly, ‘nothing it’s fine’ you lied looking anywhere but his eyes, he lifted your chin up so your eyes met ‘you’re not fine’ you shook your head away from his grip, ‘i’ll be fine don’t worry’ you put on a fake smile before closing the door and locking it. ‘y/n fuck please talk to me’ you wanted to, you wanted to talk to him so bad but you couldn’t, you couldn’t just ruin your friendship, especially if she makes him happy.

crawling out of bed you washed your face and got dressed as usual. afterwards you headed downstairs as you remembered the events of last night, pushing them to the back of your head you made tea for you and a couple others, ‘morning y/n’ denki smiled his hair a little disheveled from waking up early, well it’s 7am on a monday so not so early. ‘morning denki’ you smiled a small smile at him, ‘are you okay, after last night’ he nudged your shoulder, ‘i’m fine dont worry’ you said handing him his tea.

you were anxious, your performance was in an hour and jirou was no where to be seen, your group performance went amazing, you couldn’t help but glance at todoroki as he performed, he tried to talk to you before but you only said a couple words to him before saying you needed to get ready, ‘sorry shoto, i’ll talk to you after’ you smiled heading off to get ready, your dress is beautiful, it’s a pale rosie colour with a sheer black mesh over it, it looks a little vintage as it has a corset and it’s off the shoulder. you put it on and momo gasped at you ‘y/n, you look beautiful’ she had a big smile on her face, denki and kiri walked in and as a soon as they saw you they had the same expression on their face as momo did ‘WOAHH Y/N’ denki yelled ‘y/n you look amazing’ kirishima added, you smiled at them all before momo dragged you into a chair to do your makeup, she added a black wing to compliment your eyes matching with the dress, and some pink blush as well as tinted red lipstick. you were ready, ‘hey guys wheres jirou, she’s meant to be getting ready with me’ you frowned at the girls unusual lack of cooperation, ‘oh, uhh she’s getting ready in the other changing rooms’ denki said stuttering making you furrow your brows a little, is she avoiding me? you thought, does she feel guilty, pushing these thoughts to the side you stood beside the stage watching as class 1b walked off stage.

you felt hands on your eyes, ‘what the fuck’ you said as denki quickly said ‘trust me just let me walk you to the middle of the stage and then i’ll let go’ you agreed quickly knowing the performance is due to start, walking to the centre of the stage you turned around so you are facing where you were stood moments ago, denki stood there smiling sending you a thumbs up, smiling as you’re back to back with jirou not actually seeing her yet since denki made sure to keep your eyes closed, the backing track started, this part was you and jirou singing as she took the lead. ‘you know i want you, it’s not a secret i try to hide’ your eyes widened as you turned around instead of jirou it was todoroki singing with you, he somehow knew the dance and the song, [ blue : todoroki | red : you | purple : both ]. ‘i know you want me, so don’t keep saying our hands are tied’ your hand pressed against his as you walked in a circle your dress trailing behind you, your eyes still wide from the shock of him singing with you, he looked at you like he’s been waiting all his life to see you, as if you weren’t on a stage in front of the whole school, the feeling between your hands felt electric ‘you claim it’s not in the cards but fate is pulling you miles away and out of reach from me, but you’re here in my heart so who can stop me if i decide that you’re my destiny’ his eyes didn’t leave yours a smile plastered on his face, he pulled you in so you’re only an inch away from his face exactly like the choreography you learnt ‘what if we rewrite the stars, say you were made to be mine, nothing could keep us apart you’d be the one i was meant to find’ you fought the urge to kiss him right there as you both pulled away and he twirled you around ‘it’s up to you and it’s up to me, no one can say what we get to be, so why don’t we rewrite the stars, maybe the world could be ours, tonight’ you broke apart again then grabbed his hand as he pulled you back into his hold his hands on your waist looking into your twinkling eyes, you pushed yourself away backing away as tsu pulled you up so you’re now levitating up earning gasps from the crowd, ‘you think it’s easy, you think i don’t want to run to you, but there are mountains there are doors that we can’t walk through, i know you’re wondering why because we’re able to be just you and me within these walls but when we go outside you’re gonna wake up and see that it was hopeless after all’ he watched you, as if you were the only person for him, he knew in that moment that he could never see someone the way he sees you, ‘no one can rewrite the stars, how can you say you’ll be mine, everything keeps us apart and i’m not the one you were meant to find, it’s not up to you it’s not up to me when everyone tells us what we can be, how can we rewrite the stars say that the world can be ours tonight’ he watched you with stars in his eyes as tsu lifted you back down, you grabbed his hands feeling as if you were flying as you sang together ‘all i want is to flyy with you all i want is to fall with you, so just give me all of you, if feels impossible, it’s not impossible, is it impossible, say that it’s possible.. how do we rewrite the stars say you were made to be mine, nothing could keep us apart, cause you are the one i was meant to find, it’s up to you and it’s up to me no one can say what we get to be, why don’t we rewrite the stars, changing the world to be ours’ you caught your breath as todoroki held you closest he’s ever held you before, you could feel his breath on you, you looked up at him, eyes locked as you got ready to sing the last verse, ‘you know i want you, it’s not a secret i try to hide, but i can’t have you, we’re bound to break and my hands.. are tied’. you breathed as the audience broke out in cheers, ‘y/n’ you looked up at him again, flicking between his lips and eyes, ‘shoto’ you smiled, before you could say another word he held your waist before putting a hand on your jaw.

‘y/n i’m so fucking in love with you’ he breathed closing his eyes as if he was waiting for rejection, your eyes widened and then it hit you, jirou was teaching todoroki the dance and the song, that’s why she barely showed up, that’s why they were together that night, your smile wider than it’s ever been, you put your arms around his neck and kissed him his lips gentle on yours, the cheers around you grew louder and you could hear a couple people sobbing as you both pulled away, ‘i love you too shoto’ he beamed at you, his smile melting your heart.

as you both got off stage your class surrounded you screaming ‘THAT WAS FUCKING INCREDIBLE’ kirishima and denki screamed, momo was sobbing as well as hagakure and uraraka. ‘y/n i’m so sorry for making you think any different about the performance and probably causing you a lot of worry’ jirou said sympathetically, ‘are you kidding, jirou i couldn’t thank you enough’ you smile hugging the girl, ‘guys seriously that was incredible, even kaachan had his mouth open’ midoriya rambled making you both laugh, ‘I DID NOT DEKU’ he yelled at the green haired boy, todoroki pulled you into his arms again ‘shoto, are you okay’ you pouted returning the hug ‘it’s taken me so long to say something, i’m just so glad we’re finally here’ he beamed kissing your forehead, ‘that was AMAZING young todoroki, young y/n, to see a young couple with such chemistry perform!!’ all might yelled making you laugh and thank the elder. you both walked back to the makeup room to find makeup remover, ‘i can’t believe it took us this long’ you pout as he laughed pulling you into his chest ‘i’m glad i have you now’ he grinned placing small kisses on forehead making you giggle, you grabbed the makeup remover, ‘l/n, todoroki that was a great show’ aizawa peeked his head through the door, you both thanked him as he walked back to the staff office, momo had to do your makeup again since you had to have photos taken in the outifts you performed in so you quickly took the photos and got changed into normal clothes before mirio asked you both to look after eri while he got aizawa sensei. you had met eri before when she came over to the dorms and she surprisingly liked you a lot, and todoroki for that matter, she laughed with you as you got her some chocolate, ‘thank you y/n-san’ she beamed at you. mirio came back with aizawa as it’s time for them to leave, you said your goodbyes. you all trudged back to your dorms exhausted, you took a shower and changed into an oversized jumper with sleeping shorts, walking back into your room to see todoroki on your bed with wet hair, he was picking through movies, you sat next to him placing a towel on his lap and laying your head there, ‘what are you doing’ he smirked, ‘i don’t want to get your legs wet’ he laughed a little at you as he picked a movie, he ran his hands through your hair tracing your nose and lips making you giggle, ‘we rewrote the stars’.

A/N :

ive hit peak sadness, What THE FUCK THIS IS TOOTH ROTTING FLUFF. i’m so sorry

taglist : @blazedbakugou @todoroki-shoto-is-life also @shotos-noodles i think you’ll like this <3

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thebigqueer · 3 years

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hiii! could you write a fic/headcanons of leo, nico and will. i had no idea that was a ship until recently and i love it!!! and i want to read how they get together. in my mind solangelo is already dating (bc leo is in no condition to date after canon) and after leo comes back (after toa5) they became friends and eventually they confess to leo (when he already got over calypso and is better emotionally y'know?). no pressure if you don't feel like writing this tho :)))

hhhh anon im sorry i absolutely would love to write this for you into like an actual fic but it takes me a long time to write fics :(

but! i can def give you headcanons! after all they’re like fics but in outline form and much less grammatically correct! but if i do make a fanfic, i’ll be sure to post it. maybe you’ll like it! can’t make any promises i’d write it anytime soon though cuz i have a few more projects on the line but you know... i’m def considering making one after everything i’ve written in this post...

okay exactly yes i totally agree that leo only gets with them after he’s emotionally stable & after toa5

this is straying from soldezangelo a little but i made a post here about what i personally think should have happened w/ leo’s ending in HoO, if you’re interested in reading it. i’m gonna make the following bullet points based on that

but tldr: i’m just basically saying that i wish caleo ended up leaving ogygia as friends so that leo didn’t get that forced romance on him

so he stays at the waystation for a while with calypso (only as friends; like they’re staying there and are really adorable friends) and all the while he’s really thinking only about himself and his well-being. he goes back to high school and keeps up with that project he’s doing w/ other kids and giving them opportunities to make things (GOD THAT WAS SO CUTE)

then leo decides that maybe for the winter, he’ll go back for a trip (i also hc that piper and percy and annabeth go to chb for the same winter so that some of the seven see each other!)

there, he meets will and nico, but i think mostly he’s interested in talking w/ nico. so they talk a lot. nico expresses how angry they were for leo dying like that and scaring everyone, and leo says he’s sorry but he had to. i think this also provides nico and leo the perfect opportunity to talk about jason, since they were both really good friends with him. and nico also understands that it was leo’s decision and his sacrifice. but they also talk about how leo’s sacrifice kind of... felt weird. since in the end, they still lost the storm but the fire lived on (ehehhehe idk if that made sense but i was tryna be smart lakjsdlfkj)

i think that opportunity ultimately provides nico and leo to get along a LOT better with each other, and they both realize that they actually have been through a lot of similar feelings. by which i mean theyre both so fuckin mentally unstable and they relate to one another.

nico talks about how he’s been in a relationship with will for a while, and leo’s happy for him, really. but i think a small part of him is jealous, too. not because “oh god here’s another couple im supposed to worry about after ive just started getting over this ingrained idea of needing romance to solve all my issues and feeling like i belong,” but more because i think leo’s always been a little attracted to nico since they were on the argo II with each other. i don’t think he ever acted on those feelings, especially since a lot of the people on that ship were more judgmental towards nico and he probably felt like he had to be as well (by the way, none of this is an excuse to leo’s treatment of nico, or, by extension, an excuse for anyone’s treatment of nico on the argo II.)

leo apologizes to nico about how he treated him, and nico smiles and tells him it’s fine. like, nico has had his own bout of personal growth as well, especially in the past year. he doesn’t - and won’t - forget how people treated him, but now he’s learning to just let it go, in a sense.

and i think this is when leo and nico kind of develop underlying feelings for each other.

leo and nico probably hang out a lot, but will also joins becuase he’s nico’s boyfriend, and nico loves to have him tag along. so i think leo feels a little intimidated by will, like “damn my crush is really just bringing along their boyfriend huh??”

and leo’s like. so jealous. like “ugh why does this hot golden ray of sunshine have to ruin everything. why is he always around. he’s so fucking distracting. like hello i’m trying to simp for nico but he’s so gorgeous for the both of us.” and then it hits leo that oh wait oh fuck he actually likes both of them and that “intimidation” he was feeling was mostly just him being attracted LMAO

leo and will get a bit closer through nico, and then i think the two of them are like very joke-y with each other, and they totally connect with each other about texas and being absolute fucking NERDS (since they are both canonically absolute dumbass nerds HSDHFSLFKDJ)

and leo’s struck with how cute he is omG

and then nico’s like “wow they’re both so glowy aslkdjffdj HHHHH”

and then will’s like “damn they’re both so dark and mysterious”

and also not to mention they all totally relate about mental illnesses, abandonment issues, and the like. i mean, after everything that’s happened to all three of them (since will has been through like two wars, has lost two brothers, and has probably lost a lot of lives and feels guilty for it) they probably really relate to each other about always feeling... this dark uncomfortableness inside them. a void. they get really deep about mental health, and i think nico actually suggests to both of them that they should all talk to dionysus, just like he does (because, as we all fucking know, love cannot fix mental health and it doesn’t matter how much they’re all attracted to each other, they will not cure each other just because they’re in love)

i think somewhere in the relationship between will and nico, a tension starts to build up a little. they’re not really sure how to exactly deal with teh fact that they like leo (and neither of them actually admits it to the other because they like the other as well and they really are not in the mood for a “”””love triangle”””)

but the funny thing is, they probably all talk about it with dionysus in their separate times. and Mr. D is just. he’s so done.

SLKDJFKLSDHFLJSDKFSDKJFSFDLJK - Mr. D falling asleep at night thinking about this soldezangelo thing because he thinks it’s really funny that they all like each other but don’t wanna admit it

he totally suggests that nico and will talk about it together, and after lots of hesitation, will is probably the first one to come outright and say that he likes leo as well. and nico’s like “OMG WHAT ME TOO. like i really like you but i also really like leo...”

so they’re both actually really relieved, because they didn’t really want to break up with each other but they didn’t really want to keep lying to each other, either.

and they tell leo, and then leo’s so happy because lKJSDFJLSLDFK YALL I LIKED YOU FOR THE LONGEST TIME

and bada-bing, bada-boom, ya got yourself a little soldezangelo!!!!

i hope you liked that!!! i’m actually tempted to make this into a fic now, but since it’s already in headcanon form is there a point? hmm... imma think on this though. thank you SO MUCH for the ask!!!

#soldezangelo headcanon #leo valdez headcanon #nico di angelo headcanon #will solace headcanon #soldezangelo #leo valdez #nico di angelo #will solace #rick riordan #riordanverse headcanon #riordanverse #trials of apollo #toa #anon tag #asks

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brywrites · 4 years

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Flight Risk X

Summary: An answer to the age old CM question, “who’s flying the plane?” And the story of a pilot and a profiler. Part X: In which a profiler and a pilot find a safe place to land, and in which our story comes to a close.

(Series Masterlist) ( Previous | Next )

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“It’s a serial poisoning case,” Garcia explains. “And Reid, he got poisoned somehow. He’s at the hospital now and they’re gonna give him an antitoxin but he’s still unconscious. Morgan’s there now but the team really needs him back in the field and I just didn’t know who else to call.”

Y/N swallows past the lump in her throat and says, “Tell me where to go and I’ll be there.”

“Oh my god thank you thank you thank you,” she sighs. “I’m sending you the address now and I’ll make sure they put you on his visitor list.”

When she hangs up Arthur asks, “What’s wrong?”

“Reid’s been poisoned,” she says, and she hates the quiver in her voice. “He’s at the hospital. They need someone to stay with him.”

“I’ll come with you,” he says.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to.”

“You shouldn’t have to do this alone.” Before she can argue he puts cash down on the table to cover their order and is ushering her out the door. The hospital Reid is at is mere feet away from the The Graduate and in that moment she loves that stupid tacky motel with her entire heart.

A nurse leads the two of them to the correct room, where Morgan is waiting outside. “Hey mama,” he says, offering a tired smile. Then, with a polite nod to Arthur, “Captain.”

“Is he okay?” she asks.

“He will be. This unsub is poisoning people using various coffee shops, and Pretty Boy here bought a cup at the most recent target this morning. They just gave him the antitoxin so he should be waking up soon. That stuff does a real number on the body though, so he’ll be feeling pretty bad when he does. But I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you. Just keep us posted, okay?”

“Okay,” she says. Morgan heads out to find the team and she walks into the room. There are two plastic chairs so she and Arthur sit together at the side of the hospital bed where Reid currently lies. He looks a little more pale than usual, though if it weren’t for the IVs and the hospital gown she would think that maybe he was just sleeping. Looking as peaceful as he did the morning she found him asleep on her couch.

“It’s a dangerous job,” Y/N says quietly.

“It is,” Arthur agrees. This is their greatest fear each time they fly away on a case. That one of the agents they transport will wind up hurt or hospitalized or worse. That all their passengers won’t come back to them safe and sound. “I’ve been flying these agents around for fourteen years. Agent Morgan seems to be injured the most, but when Doctor Reid is hurt it always seems to be something extreme. On more than one occasion I didn’t think he would ever set foot on this plane again.”

The words unnerve her. There’s still so much she doesn’t know about Spencer, in spite of all their conversations and meetings and stories.

“It’s not easy to care for people you know will get hurt someday,” he says. “But that hasn’t stopped you from loving him.” Y/N turns to him wide-eyed, her cheeks burning. The captain chuckles. “Please, Y/L/N, I don’t need to be a profiler in order to see what’s happening between the two of you.”

She sighs and turns her gaze to Spencer. “I know you think I’m making a mistake.”

“Not at all.”

“But you kept warning me not to get close to the BAU, and I didn’t listen to you at all.”

“Martin and I always kept to ourselves when we flew together. We did so because the agents were not always interested in talking, and because it was difficult to become friends with people we knew were constantly in danger. One day there was a case in Boston. Six of them died. It felt like we had flown them there like lambs to the slaughter. It has always been easier for me to keep my distance and to do my job. But I can see that it’s different for you.”

She can’t imagine. Six agents. As it currently stands that would be the entire team.

“You need to feel connected to people,” he continues. “Even if it means this job is harder. That’s not a mistake. And in all the years this man has been on my plane, I’ve never seen him smile at someone the way he smiles at you.”

“Coffee.” The words are barely a mumble, but they immediately jolt the two pilots out of their conversation. Spencer shakes his head slightly. “It’s in the coffee beans,” he mutters. He turns his head and he blinks awake with heavy eyes that can’t seem to focus, but she swear he looks at her. “Angel,” he sighs. And then his eyes close once more and his heart rate returns to a slower, steady rhythm. She looks at Arthur, completely befuddled. He simply shrugs, not knowing what to make of that any more than she does.

There is a knock at the door and a doctor in a white coat steps into the room. “Could I speak to one of you for a moment?” she asks. “There’s some paperwork that needs to be filled out if you wouldn’t mind.”

“I can do it,” Y/N says. Arthur promises to keep a good eye on the good Doctor, and so she follows this doctor out into the hallway, glancing back at Spencer one last time as she does so.

----

His head feels fuzzy. Everything is a haze. All he knows for sure is that his body aches all over. Oh. That must be the poison. He remembers when it began to affect him, and suddenly it all made sense. He tried to tell the team but the world went dark before he could explain. It wasn’t just in the coffee, it had to do with the coffee beans. The bags the shops were using to make their coffee. That’s why they couldn’t trace it back to one single location. He needs to tell them, they need to know, but everything is just so hazy. So confusing. For a moment the world doesn’t feel dark – it feels blindingly bright and he has a sense of urgency, a need to be awake. He tries to open his eyes but everything is just light. He turns his head. There is a figure dressed in white. It looks like her. That can’t be right. They’re not speaking these days. It must be angel. He doesn’t believe in such things, but what other explanation is there? It may just be his brain playing visual tricks on him but that trick must be an angel. His angel.

But then his eyes feel so heavy. Sleep would be nice. He slips back into the haze.

Reid isn’t sure how much time has passed when he suddenly jolts out of the fuzzy feeling. He’s asleep but he’s in a bed and everything hurts and he should probably try to open his eyes. With much effort, he does. He blinks at the bright light of the hospital room – he’s been in enough to recognize immediately where he is. If he’s alive, that means they got the antitoxin to him in time. Which means his team has figured out what’s happening, and he can just breathe easy now. Or as easily as his aching lungs will let him.

Someone clears their throat. There’s almost always a member of his team waiting with him, but he’s surprised to turn and see Captain Dobson sitting there beside him. Reid nearly jumps, the heart rate monitor spiking to emphasize his confusion.

“You’re alright, Doctor Reid,” he says. “Everything’s fine. You’re in a hospital. You were poisoned.”

“I know,” he says, his voice raspy. “It was… the poison was in the-”

“Coffee beans?” the captain finishes. “You were saying something about it before you woke up.”

“I must’ve been dreaming then. I remember thinking about the coffee. And I thought I saw an angel. But that doesn’t make any sense.”

But then the door opens and Y/N steps into the room in a white dress and cream-colored cardigan and it absolutely does. “Hi,” he says, sitting up in the bed.

“Hi,” she replies sheepishly.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it,” Arthur says, standing up from his chair. He and Y/N make eye contact briefly before he steps out of the room, closing the door behind him.

After a moment of awkward hesitation, she sits down next to him in one of the plastic chairs. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I made things weird between us.”

“I think we both did,” she says. “But no matter how much I try to pretend that I don’t care about you, when Garcia called me I was so scared.” Her voice shakes. “I thought I might never get to see you again and that the last thing I ever said to you was to leave me alone.”

“I was scared too,” he admits. “I missed you.” He missed every conversation, missed the sound of her laugh, missed the promise of a free weekend meaning he could spend a little more time with her. Even if it would only hurt him in the end, he wanted to see her.

“How did this even happen?” she asks.

“Morgan and I were revisiting the last known locations of the victims. I wanted to get coffee before we drove back to the precinct. The closest place was called Café Coco. I figured it was safe because I watched the barista grind a fresh bag of coffee beans before brewing my cup and she never added anything to it, but before we could even finish giving the profile I was out.”

“Café Coco?” she asks. “I went there this morning.”

“What?” Reid gasps. Panic surges through him, the adrenaline countering the exhaustion he feels. Oh this can’t be good. Did she drink the same coffee? How much did she drink? Is there enough antitoxin in supply? This is it, this is proof that the moment he starts to love someone the universe conspires to strike them down. “We need to tell a doctor, we need to-”

She puts her hand on his. “Spencer, it’s okay. I didn’t get coffee. I ordered tea. For some reason I just... felt like caffeine wasn’t a good idea.” He stares at her and he has absolutely no words. The panic ebbs and gives way to a stunned quiet. Because this is new. This isn’t anything he’s prepared for. Y/N waltzed right through the heart of danger and was unscathed. Maybe, just maybe, the universe has spared her. Maybe this time he gets to be happy after all. Maybe there is still one thing he can love without ruining.

But then he remembers. And his chest aches for a reason that has nothing at all to do with the poison. “It’s not fair,” he says quietly.

“What’s not fair?” she asks.

“I care about you and you’re okay. And that’s never happened before, but it doesn’t matter because you’re leaving.”

“What do you mean?”

“The IRT job,” Reid says. “Your dream job.”

“I didn’t take it.”

“You didn’t?” Now he’s confused. “But why? Y/N, you said it was your dream.”

“I didn’t take it. I mean, I still have to give them an official answer, but I’ve known my decision for a while now. I knew the moment you walked away. I thought a job like that was the only thing I wanted. But lately I’ve started to question that. And when you told me about the people you’ve lost and how much you missed them, I knew for sure. I want to fly,” she insists. “I want to be in the air and in a plane and loving the sky. But I want a home, too.”

Her eyes are shining and the soft smile on her face as she speaks makes all the pain fade when he’s looking at her. “I’ve been flying for a long time. But I’ve never had a place to call home like this before. With Yeeqin and all of our friends. With Arthur. With the BAU. And with you,” she adds. “Even without you, I finally feel like I have a place where I belong, and I don’t want to lose that. My airplane heart has been circling for a long time. I think it’s about time I found a safe place to land.”

“I can be that,” he says without thinking. But he means it. “I can be that, if you’ll let me.”

“Do you want that?” she asks.

“Yes. Very much so. When I realized what was happening to me in the precinct, I was thinking about a lot of things. About the coffee beans and my team and what they needed to figure out. But I thought about you, too. I wasn’t sure what would happen but I was afraid I would never get the chance to tell you that I missed you and that I was wrong. That I felt it too, that I felt so deeply for you. And I still do.”

She laces her fingers through his and he’s never held hands with someone like this before but god does it feel so right. “Flying was my first love,” she tells him. “And I never thought I would find anything that felt as magical as the moment a plane lifts off the ground. But you do. Every time you look at me it’s like that. Like gravity doesn’t matter anymore. Like everything is a little bit lighter.”

While he has never quite fallen in love with flying the same way, Reid knows exactly what she means. Every second he’s with her is like finishing his favorite book. Each time he makes her smile he feels like he’s solved the most important puzzle in history. She’s the first chemical reaction he completed, the first equation he solved. All that and more.

“I think,” he says, “that’s how love is supposed to make you feel.” And maybe it’s too soon and maybe it’s too much but he’s nearly told her once already and he just doesn’t think he can bear to hold the words in his chest any longer. “I love you.”

Her face absolutely lights up. “I love you, too,” she says. And he wants so badly to kiss her but with the mess of the IVs and cannula and monitors he can’t turn to do so he just squeezes her hand a little tighter and they sit there grinning at each other feeling like the luckiest people on the planet.

“So,” she says. “You, um, thought I was an angel?”

A laugh escapes his lips. “Well, yes. But I still kind of think you are.”

---

That evening Arthur grabs both of their bags from the Graduate so that she can wait with Spencer while he’s discharged. The doctors caution that there may be some aftereffects over the next twenty-four hours and send him with medication in the event anything changes during the flight back. The three of them ride over together to the airport to meet the rest of the team and head home. All of their passengers are accounted for. Everything is okay. Even so, she doesn’t let go of his hand the whole ride, and can’t stop from asking him each time he winces if he’s feeling alright.

They arrive at the hangar soon enough. Spencer rubs circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. “I’ll be alright,” he assures her, noticing the worry on her face. “It’s not even two hours. The team will keep an eye on me and we’ll see each other soon.”

“I’ll just get changed and then be ready to prepare for takeoff,” Y/N tells Arthur.

“Actually, that won’t be necessary,” he replies.

“What do you mean?” The captain has always been strict about the Bureau mandated dress code.

“I told you that I need you focused when we’re flying. And I know that your thoughts are elsewhere at the moment, so I called an old friend in Nashville. Sheila will fly as my co-pilot tonight so that you can stay close to him. I think it’s what you both need.”

Despite all of their formalities, Y/N throws her arms around him in a hug. “Thank you,” she says. “Thank you so much.”

“And Y/L/N? About the IRT offer,” he adds. “Malik and I have been talking. He’s retiring this year and there’s a lot of things on our bucket list we have yet to do. I’ve been thinking that perhaps it’s time for me to do the same. Spend some time traveling for enjoyment with my husband rather than crossing the country multiple times a month. And if I were to retire, I would want you to succeed me. If you’d be interested, of course.”

“Really?”

He smiles. “I think you’ve found something good here. And it would be a shame to leave that behind. But I also think it’s time you were promoted – and time I took a page from Martin’s book and enjoyed the time I have with the person I love most.”

“Of course. Yes, yes absolutely.”

“Then it’s settled,” he says, putting his cap on. “I’m glad you didn’t listen to me all those month ago.” He disappears into Geff, and she bounds back over to Spencer.

“Arthur called in a favor,” she says. “So that I could ride home with you, if that’s okay?”

“That is more than okay,” he tells her, grinning. And it’s such a perfect smile that she can’t help herself. She leans in and presses her lips to his and he reciprocates immediately, his hands gently cupping her face and it’s all too brief but all so wonderful and when he pulls away the grin has shifted to dazed, blissful smile that she is certain mirrors the look on her own face.

“Well damn,” Morgan says behind them. “Garcia’s gonna be so mad she wasn’t here to witness that.” Kate elbows him and Spencer turns beet red but the smile never fades.

She’s been in the cabin plenty of times before, but she’s never flown. It’s an incredibly nice interior and they sit side by side in seats that are more comfortable than she’s imagined. Geff speeds down the runway and Spencer holds her hand, her head on his shoulder and his head against hers just like that night on the couch. They lift up into the clear blue air and it’s still so magical and this feeling is still so magical and she doesn’t know how it could possibly get better than this.

---

“Are you ready Doctor?” she asks. “You look a little nervous.”

Reid looks at her. “Y/N, angel, you know I trust you. I’ve just never been in a plane this size before.” After three months, the BAU has taken down the trafficking ring, Kate has taken a leave of absence, and everyone has been given a week off to take a much-needed break. And his girlfriend has convinced him to spend one day of that week in a tiny prop plane with her. She insists that there’s nothing quite like being in the cockpit when the plane takes off, and this is the best way to experience it.

They sit side by side in the small cockpit of the plane, the sky above them a perfect clear blue. She has already run through the preflight checklist, identifying all the valves and instruments she’ll need in a matter of seconds. “It’ll be okay,” she promises, turning the key. “Headset on.” He puts it on as instructed, ensuring that they’ll be able to communicate with one another despite the roar of the engine. She pumps the throttle and the engines and front propeller spring to life.

“Charlie Mike eleven ready for takeoff,” she says into the microphone.

“Charlie Mike, proceed to two,” he hears from the headset.

“Charlie Mike proceeding to two.”

“Winds one ninety at fifteen, Charlie Mike cleared for takeoff.”

“Here we go,” she says with a grin. Reid holds tighter to his seat as she turns the plane down the runway. She puts the break on just at the turn and her hands work away at the switches and instruments faster than he can keep track of. The engine roars louder and the propeller becomes just a blur before them. They advance down the runway faster and faster, her hand on the throttle, and the asphalt is coming to an end, the grass approaching and he braces himself but then she pulls the yoke down and just like that they are up in the air. So smooth it’s hard to believe, as the burden of gravity seems to fall away. He stares out over the window as they go up and up, the horizon stretching out before them, falling open like an invitation. Like magic.

It’s incredible.

He turns to look at Y/N and she wears an awestruck smile, staring straight ahead and while he’s seen her near Geff so many times and he knows how flying works, it is something else entirely to see her in her element like this. And he thinks that she too, is like magic.

Reid can see how she must have fallen in love with this. The lightness and wonder of it all, the way the world looks from up above. The sensation of lift and defying the pull of the earth.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” she asks.

“It is,” he says, though he’s only partly focusing on the view.

She turns to glance at him and the sunlight on her face and the glow of happiness she wears makes her simply radiant. He thinks back to what she said in Nashville all those months ago. It’s true after all – this is what love feels like. With her, it doesn’t feel like falling at all. It’s like liftoff. It’s like soaring. Up in the air above all odds, with nothing but open sky and sunshine and that weightless wonderful sensation.

It makes sense to him now, why J.M. Barrie wrote that the secret to flying was thinking happy thoughts. He’s sure that by now he’s collected enough with her to keep him high for a very long time.

Three months he has let himself love her. Three months and he is happier than ever. Three months and she is still safe. Three months and love doesn’t feel like such a flight risk anymore. Love is a safe place to land.

[Thank you for reading Flight Risk. Please check around your seat for any personal belongings and use caution when opening the overhead bins, for any feelings you stowed there may have shifted during the flight. If you can, we’d be pleased if you take a moment to share your feedback with our pilots on the way out with a ‘like’ ‘reply’ ‘reblog’ or ‘message’. And on behalf the author, and the entire cast of characters on this flight, thank you for joining us. We hope to see you on board again in the future!]

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #reid x reader #spencer reid x reader #flight risk #brywrites #imagine #spencer reid imagine

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uwuderes · 4 years

Text

PlayDate

Ive been working on this for a while and yes I aged him up can't have a 12 year old doing stuff he shouldn't ^^´. Also its my first smut so please bare with me if its bad or anything!

⚠Warnings⚠: Masturbation, Dubcon

{You call me on the telephone, you feel so far away

You tell me to come over, there are some games you want to play}

You and Damian were very close friends to say you were very different from one another. Damian being the son of the prestigious Bruce Wayne while you were only a middle-class child with no real status anywhere.

Damian was troubled, it was something you knew very well. No matter what people said you always wanted to be there to help him. You knew Damian for the person he was, everyone just had to give him a second chance.

When you both were younger, each of you could be found at each other's homes, your parents grew more and more fond of the boy each visit, while you never really met Bruce but Alfred seemed pleased that you'd give the boy company which was good enough for you.

So when you called him asking him to come over one day just for the fun of it, he happily accepted, at least that what you thought his sarcastic remarks meant. It was the first time you talked to him in a while and you were ecstatic.

Damian was often busy these days. His father took him out on "trips" which in your case were far too often. But it wasn't your job to judge him or his father's choices, You just chalked it up to something that rich people do.

{I'm walking to your house, nobody's home

Just me and you and you and me alone}

Once Damian got your call he was in euphoria. For once he had an excuse to leave the mansion, not like he was going to ask to leave in the first place.

Another reason he was so happy about the call was that it was from you. You wanted him to come over. It only fed the sick messed up the obsession with you. At this particular moment, he was having a crisis over not seeing you for too long.

Being Robin wasn't easy, and it took up most of his time. His time that could be spent with you. He'd get on his knees and worship you, that's just how amazing you were in his eyes.

Damian opened his bedroom window making sure to lock the door before jumping out into the grass. He then set out on foot, making his way over to your house.

It was nearly night by the time he arrived knocking on your apartment door. His eyes lit up as he saw your (s/c) body open up the door. Bright (e/c) eyes staring right into his emerald green ones, glimmering in admiration.

"Oh my god, you look like a mess! Come in come in!" You beamed brightly. Damian smiled walking through your door into the small apartment. (Y/N) followed quickly behind closing the door. "What happened?!?"

"I snuck out. It's gonna be a while before they realize I'm gone." Damian looked around seeing how much the cramped apartment had changed. Which wasn't much. "You know you could always live with me, this place is shit..."

"You know I can't do that. My parents need my help and I want to be there to help them."

Oh right, them.

"Your lost. But anyways where are they?" Damian asked turning around to look at (Y/N). She smiled walking over to him.

"They are both at work! Meaning that we have my little den of a home all to ourselves! Plus we are 18 now I'm pretty sure we can take care of ourselves!"

Damian smiled at those words, you were alone... With him...

Oh was he going to have some fun with you...

{We're just playing hide and seek

It's getting hard to breathe under the sheets with you

I don't want to play any games

I'm tired of always chasing, chasing after you}

You smiled glancing at Damian's attempts at playing Mario Kart. "Are you sure you got this? You choose the hardest track in the game." You chuckled. Damian only huffed before falling off the track once more.

He then threw the controller on the bed angrily. "Why is it so hard?!?" He yelled aggravated. You laughed pausing the game.

"You have to choose an easier track! You went straight for Rainbow Road!" You laughed out underneath your covers. For some reason, your room decided to be freezing cold today. Damian looked back at you before moving up and getting underneath the blanket himself. Which didn't phase you? I mean its cold he just wants some warmth too.

Silence surrounded you two as he reached over to pause the game. Finally reached over to you hugging you closer to him. "Thanks for inviting me over... I missed this you know... Just being around you."

You looked up at him smiling faintly. "Its no problem really. I just thought we should spend more time together like the old days... Before you became too busy to even come over ya know..." You sadly looked away.

Damian sighed. "I'm never going to let that happen again alright?"

"You aren't??? Thank you Damian for e-" Your phone started to go off interrupting you the midway. The cheesy ringtone was accompanied by the bright 'Mom' popping up on your screen. "I'm sorry let me take this, I'll be right back alright?"

Damian angrily huffed out letting go of you. They always ruined everything for you two. He wished they were gone.

{I don't give a fuck about you anyways

Whoever said I gave a shit about you?

You never share your toys or communicate

I guess I'm just a play date to you}

Damian got even pissier after the door was closed. But he'd never let you see that side of him. He couldn't scare you away he was this close to getting you

Getting up from his resting position on the bed, Damian started to look around your room. On your dresser seeing a bunch of collectibles and as he liked to call them "girl things" really just your makeup.

He picked up a perfume bottle and sprayed himself breathing in the scent. Damian must have been in heaven. He smelled like you... Every time he breathed in his nostrils filled with the scent of you.

He raised his shirt upwards breathing in the sweet smell of you. He practically basked in it. After smelling his shirt longer than needed he kept looking around.

Soon, He came across your dirty laundry a wicked smile coming across his face. He pulled out a pair of your panties. Lacey and all... He felt himself drool slightly before sitting down on you bed falling back. Everything around him smelt like you. He was going insane by it all.

Damian blushed red as he looked down seeing a prominent erection. His breath picking up as he unbuttoned his jeans quickly pulling them off along with his boxers. He needed release, right now. He grabbed his cock stroking it slowly all while smelling your panties, getting himself off.

He picked up the sound of your voice the call must've been taking longer than expected. It didn't matter to him, visions of you moaning his name and scratching his tanned skin as he pounded faster into you filled his mind.

Falling on your bed, your scent surrounded him only clouding his mind even more. His actions guided him to a euphoric release. He couldn't take it anymore, he needed the real thing.

Damian needed you.

{Ring around the rosy I never know, I never know what you need Ring around the rosy, I want to give you, want to give you What you need}

You walked back into your room seeing Damian passed out on your bed. You smiled sitting down next to him stroking his hair. He must've been exhausted, you thought. He must never get a break to sit down and be a normal teen.

His breathing was steady as he cuddled into the caress of your hand. He turned over wrapping his arm around your legs pulling you close. Maybe he was trying to fall asleep?? Yeah thats it...

"(Y/N)..." Damian mumbled pulling you to a position in which he spooned you. "Come sleep with me... I'm tired...."

You nodded laying down and starting to close your eyes. You were tired to be honest and just needed some rest.

It'd been around 5 minutes and you were tucked in and almost asleep. Until one of Damians hands started to rub your waist playing with your shirt. His hand trailed lower and all you could do was stare forward wide eyed.

Damian started to plant kisses on your neck sucking lightly on the (skin tone) skin. His fingers trailed and worked your bottom lips slightly over your tights. "Be good for me baby alright?" Damian mumbled into you ear biting it afterwards.

"P-Please stop..." You stuttered out. Damian shushed you pulling down your leggings and panties. Abruptly he pulled the covers off you seeing everything he worked so hard to get. He moved to where he sat on top of you staring into your eyes. He smiled lightly before kissing you licking your bottom lip. You didn't kiss him back... You didnt want this he was your friend and nothing more. He growled and pulled at your hair causing you to gasp and open your mouth only for Damian to slip his tongue in your mouth.

All the while his fingers trailed lower and lower moving to your clit. He rubbed slowly causing you to moan in his mouth. Damian pulled away a string of saliva connecting your mouths. He grabbed your shirt stopping the actions that took place on the lower half of your body. He ripped it in half throwing the tattered shirt across the room.

"Baby your so beautiful." He mumbled kissing down your neck once more, stopping at times to suck hickeys onto your body. He unhooked your bra and continued to kiss lower. He looked down at your soaked pussy smiling wickedly. "You wanted this... Of course you did. And I'm going to be the first one to pop that oh so delicate cherry of yours." You opened your mouth to protest but Damian was quick to latch his mouth onto you, fingering you all the while.

You moaned out eyes rolling in the back of your head, this feeling was foreign to you and you loved it. You moaned out, Damian taking that as encouragement to go faster. He groaned out smiling as you were a mess in front of him.

"Your about to cum... Do it baby come all over my face make a mess of yourself." Damian growled into your clit loving everything you did. You gasped releasing everything you had left, and came on Damians tongue and fell back. He lapped at your cum soaked pussy leaning up and kissing you harshly.

"You liked that didn't you..." He asked rubbing your cheek fondly. You didn't respond exhausted. You instead passed out tired. He smiled licking his lips. He was going to have to build you up to doing everything with him, but he had enough for the day. He looked at your phone as it buzzed to life seeing your parents texting you.

So they are going to be gone for 2 weeks... He was going to have all the time in the world...

{You know I give a fuck about you every day Guess it's time that I tell you the truth If I share my toys, will you let me stay? Don't want to leave this play date with you}

#yandere damian wayne #yandere #detective comics #yandere x you #batboys #batfam #yandere x y/n #yandere x reader #songfic #damian wayne #damian wayne imagine #yandere writing #fanfic #warning #content warning #tw #dubcon #smut #dc smut

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chanyoungies · 2 years

Text

while we wait pt 2 of emotional rant with no point but like . (its a lot of talking to say nothing don’t mind me)

ok this is like . obvious and all but i really do love my friends a whole lot like . wow unbelievable ik . but like im a pretty shy nd reserved? nd quiet person so like making friends isnt the easiest thing and even when theres ppl who are like . friendly w me im usually still too scared to like actually make an effort to like talk to them or spend time with them (,,, actually even with my actual friends. but) bc like ... idk i dont like bothering people and i know i'm boring and i can't keep a conversation going and i usually don't have much to say . once again bc i'm boring . but like even when i do i tend to not want to say anything bc i dont wanna ruin the mood with like an awkward joke or smth and also . i tend to speak quietly and ppl asking me to repeat what i said is truly so embarrassing to me like ... ik it's because they genuinely didnt hear but like i. . dont wanna say whatever i said twice i alr feel self conscious nd when i repeat myself more ppl are listening nd paying more attention nd it's like suddenly there's an expectation that whatever u had to say was of value yknow . all that nd also i just . tend to think my presence doesnt rlly matter because of that because . i tend to just observe idk i don't add anything to the conversation . like .... i really enjoy just ... being there ? just being around my friends just watching them have a time? i don't really enjoy participating in games nd stuff when we hang out also so that adds to the boringness but so like . i was talking to anna (one of my uni friends tm) recently nd she mentioned that whenever we have a class that i share w them they all tend to ask themselves if ill be coming. them just greeting me with open arms when i actually do show up. when they all took the time to say bye to me before they left that one time i drank too much and was just laying on the floor in anna's bathroom. when they were simply just . okay with me not playing uno with them nd just watching them play. its just so ? when i disappear into a depression bubble for weeks nd they dont see me nd dont hear from me for all that time but then i appear from nowhere nd they dont . question it or dont act any different than they would before it's so .. comforting idk the reassurance i get from there being always at least one person to mention me in the discord or even going as far as messaging me directly on whatsapp (because they know im more likely to see their message there) when theyre making plans to make sure im included . . . like . i think it might be the first time ive had (irl) friends like that ? and that feels mean to say because i had a close friend in brussels nd shes still v important to me but it really feels like we're growing apart when we don't talk as opposed to my uni friends who just . idk . idk how to phrase whatever i wanna say. but my uni friends are so very beloved to me.

and on a note abt tumblr friends my belovedstest its. obv a bit different but like to anyone ive actually talked to in any way . thank u for bearing with me ik im awkward nd i dont have anything to say ever so sometimes i just !! reply nonsense to ur posts or send useless asks but !!! i have a v strong desire to connect with u all bc u ARE so very beloved to me i just dont know how to go about it </3 and once again ik im not the only one struggling w that so once again im far from being unique in that aspect but like .. yeah .. its like .. i wanna talk to u all i rlly do but i dont know what abt </3 so like sorry to lu for always just bringing up entxt lore nd nothing else like ever sorry to eri just like in general bc she's probably the mutual ive talked to the most off tumblr nd i ... (stares off into the distance) am pretty annoying im trying rlly hard not to be i hope the effort shows but like also thank u erieri for like ... actually messaging me first possibly every time (im saying that like its been 3836266 times . but) because like !!! i really do appreciate it so much i get v 🥺❣❣ the point is i would absolutely talk to ven nd bri nd iri nd lu nd eri nd ro nd vi 24/7 if i could . other mutuals too but i listed people who ive actually talked to a bit i just feel sorry i can't talk to them more </3

#some things just rlly stick w u u know .. like when a uni friend (who dropped out so i havent heard from him in a while but) said he really #roots for my success in life in general. like . it was just a drinking game he said that when he had to choose btwe me nd another friend of #ours . but he was like yeah i choose emilia bc ik shes rlly timid nd i rlly hope she succeeds in life . nd like #idk i think abt that sometimes nd i tear up yknow #nd i mean i technically talk to ven everyday if u look at it a certain way . but .#(these two talks r also abt 2 different paragraphs)

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ofieugogyshz · 3 years

Text

Fic;; Memories: Riolu IV

Word Count: 8900 officially over 9000 now

Summary: Sarah accepts Cynthia’s invitation to visit her in Celestic Town. On her second day there, she finds herself visiting Cynthia in her grandmother’s home, and, once again, facing an internal struggle that her Riolu, Lance, and Cynthia, were set on helping her with.

Warnings: Lots of bad mental health, self-depreciation spirals, abusive thoughts to self. Also some awkwardness. (But it gets better!)

Notes: This is the thing that’s just been. taunting and harassing me for weeks, and i am so done with it. i am so sorry that it’s like, 2x as long as the others. I really hope it’s worth it to you guys, because I am just so done with it. Edit: Fixed up some spots, and re-pasting it added paragraph indents, so ????

(Series Masterpost)

---------------------

After helping me with my Riolu, Cynthia invited me to visit her in Celestic Town.

“I'll be there for a while, researching more myths.”

I told her yes, but when she offered to take me with her, I declined. I said that I wanted to walk the rest of the route to fulfill my Pokedex.

“Oh, you're working on a Pokedex? That sure takes me back...” She had a wistful look on her face. “I went on a big adventure with a Pokedex when I was younger.” I told her to share with me some of those stories when I met up with her in Celestic Town. She gave me her number, and we parted ways for the time being.

I spent the rest of that day and the next playing with my Riolu named Lance to make up for the issues we had ran into. Totally not connected to the Lance of fame. Yep. Definitely not. But it wasn't like I had that much of a choice. My friend, his father's trainer, had named him that for me as a cute little joke. I suppose I could have picked a name and told my friend to name it that. But I wanted to know what a Pokemon was like before I named it; and without the Pokemon in front of me, it was so hard to find an appropriate name. But watching Riolu-- little Lance fight our way up Route 210, I couldn't help but think that maybe my friend Blaze had the right idea in naming him after him. He was definitely strong and determined like his namesake, and showed plenty of care towards other Pokemon.

<<Can we call my namesake today? I wanna tell him how strong I got!!>>

I laughed. Now that I had accepted it, it was cute whenever he asked to talk to Lance. Lance—the human-- thankfully couldn't understand what the little Riolu was saying, but watching him entertain the notion was cute. Endearing. Enjoyable.

I looked at the time. Lance might be available now...? I had tried calling him earlier, but it went straight to voicemail. Probably working, I thought to myself.

“Let's try again after we get to the Pokemon Center in Celestic, so you guys can see each other with the videophones.”

And so we went through the rest of the route. It was a rather annoying route; there were many obstacles in our way, not including the fog that limited visibility. It took a few days to traverse the rest of the route by foot. I was able to train up my Pokemon a lot more than I expected. But even with the great training it provided, I was so relieved when I finally saw the rustic buildings nestled away in the mountain range. Even if it hadn't been Celestic, I would have been grateful just to stay a few nights away from the mess that was the foggy mountainside.

It was daytime when we arrived. I immediately looked for the Pokemon Center and checked in. When my Pokemon were returned, I let Lance out of his Pokeball.

“You know what, I think I'mma call you 'Little Lance', if that's alright with you? It's a little confusing talking to my friends about the both of you...” That was only partially a lie. I thought it might help distinguish them, yes, but I also still felt a little embarrassed calling him by that name... I was hoping a working towards a middle-ground might help.

Lance considered it for a moment, then shook his head.

<<Nope.>>

“Aw, but c'mon! It's super cute, calling you 'Little Lance'. Ooh! I could even call you 'Lil Lance'”

But he wouldn't budge.

“Ugh, fine then.”

<<Can we try calling Lance now?>> he asked, pointing to the videophones. I thought about it for a moment.

“I suppose so... It's almost time for our weekly call anyways.”

<<Yes!>> Lance curled up his fist and pulled it back in excitement. It was so cute to see him emulating a human gesture; he must've picked that up from me in the last week.

I picked up one of the receivers and dialed Lance's number. My heart was pounding, as it always did whenever I called him. Often I worried that I was being a bother. Things like, “Maybe I should call back later,” would plague my mind. But for some reason, I felt less nervous about it now. Maybe because Lance the Riolu was there, just as happy as I was to talk to him, that it made me feel less scared.

No answer still.

“Hmm... Weird.” The landline recording asked if I wanted to leave a message; I hung up. It wasn't that important to me to miss once. I had to let it not be important.

<<What's wrong?>>

“He isn't answering. Hope everything's alright. He's probably busy with other stuff right now.” I wonder if they officially made him Champion yet, or if they're still filling out the paperwork on that, I thought. He had mentioned that a few weeks ago; though that had little to do with him not answering. My thoughts were wandering far away on the topic, musing on what that conversation would be like when he told me that it was officialized. Lance tugged at my pants.

<<Can we visit Miss Cynthia then?>>

“Yeah, let me just see if she's available.” I pulled out the number she gave me, slowly typing it in. It rang once before being answered. There was no visual, so I found myself staring at a screen that just said “No Visual”, accompanied by the image of a Chatot.

“Hang—Hang on a moment.” Cynthia's voice sounded far away and strained, like she was just out of reach of her phone. The distant sound made me curious on how she had answered it, but I didn't have time to think about that, because she suddenly came in much louder and clearer.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Cynthia? It's Sarah.”

“It is! I'm glad to hear from you! Are you nearby? I can go out and meet you if you want.” She sounded eager, excited. Had she been looking forward to this? I didn't think so. I was just a trainer she had met twice; and younger than her, I would later discover. Maybe the sound of her happy voice was because she just had a breakthrough with her research, and she couldn't wait to tell someone. I highly doubted she was excited to hear from me, after all. Not after the impression I gave last time.

Lance looked at me, his ears drooping a little as he examined me. Ah. Right. I shouldn't be thinking a thought like that. I guess that was something both Lances wanted me to work on.

“I'm already at the Pokemon center,” I told her. I scritched behind Lance's ears, making him feel better. It helped me, too. “I just got in.”

“Oh! That's perfect! I'll come get you.”

We hung up. She arrived in about fifteen minutes, brushing dust and dirt off of her coat as she arrived. Based on what I had seen of her in pictures and in person, I never would have imagined that she could look so disheveled.

“Where were you?” I asked. Lance and Pika both ran over to greet her.

“Oh, excavation. Have you learned about the Celestic Ruins yet? It's why I love coming back here so much! I can show you later, if you'd like.”

“N-no, that's fine for right now...”

We hadn't made any plans for the visit, so Cynthia gave me a short tour of the small town. In its center was a crater, and in the center of that crater was a small shrine. She told me that it dates back to ancient times; many of the town's residents still prayed to the deities and Pokemon they believed were tied to it. Behind the shrine was a cave; on each side of the cave's entrance were two large drawings, of what I presumed were ancient or mythological Pokemon. Beyond that, there was little of interest to passing trainers. The town was so small that it lacked a proper Pokemart. Instead, an old couple sold things from their home for any passing trainers that needed to restock between Mt. Coronet and their next destination. I wasn't sure if it was surprising or just interesting that the Champion considered this town her favorite.

For lunch, she took me to one of the few places to eat in the small town. While there wasn't much to catch Cynthia up on, I found myself excitedly telling her how Lance and I got along better since we last saw each other. She listened intently, speaking thoughtfully and giving me advice. I found myself asking her for a casual battle-- not one with her title on the line, but as between new friends.

“Very well then,” she said. “I should let you know-- I plan on going all out!”

“Couldn't ask for a better match myself!”

I sent out a Luxio and a Roselia, both Pokemon that I had caught here in Sinnoh. They were doing great at Gym Battles, and I figured the experience with a Champion might help them grow even stronger. Cynthia quirked an eyebrow, interested in the unspoken challenge of a doubles battle. She sent out a Garchomp and a Gastrodon. The double Earthquake duo had a huge advantage over Luxio; Roselia could handle Gastrodon, but that still left her Garchomp. As we battled, I did my best to keep my two Pokemon from fainting, but there was only so much they could do at their current strength. We both called back our Pokemon when the battle was over.

“That was a great match! The confidence in which you issued your commands allowed your Pokemon to trust you, and they responded well! I can't wait to have another battle with you when they've gotten stronger.”

“Tch...” Though she gave me high praise, the defeat still stung. “We should have another match with my aces.”

“Hmm. Perhaps another day... Don't forget that the key to growing as a trainer is to challenge yourself! Playing it safe is going to deprive yourself of new possibilities.”

She was right on both counts. One battle was enough for now. I had gotten a glimpse of what waited for me when I would challenge the Sinnoh Elite Four and its Champion, and I felt myself eager to train with my Pokemon for when that day would come. Beside me, Lance had looked on in awe, little tail wagging during the battle.

<<I want to battle too!>> he said to me. I knelt down to pat his head.

<<Maybe next time.>>

The next day, I headed over to where Cynthia was staying. We realized that we had a shared interest in mythology, so she invited me over to look at some of the texts that her and her grandmother kept. Pika followed behind me with Lance. I could hear the both of them talking happily amongst themselves, and I smiled. It was nice to hear him feeling like a member of the team again.

When I got to the address Cynthia gave me, an older woman answered the door. She adjusted her glasses, looking me up and down.

“Um, hi. I'm here because Cynthia invited me. This... is the right address, yes?” I looked at the address she had hastily scrawled down for me, and showed it to the woman. She didn't bother looking at it.

“That's correct. My granddaughter told me that she would be having a friend come over. Didn't think it'd be someone so young.” I winced. She motioned for me to come in, closing the door behind her. I took a look around. Stacks and stacks of paper were all over the living room, or what I thought was supposed to be one. Cynthia's grandmother followed my line of sight and sighed. “Pardon the mess. When we both really get into our research, it shows.”

“Ahaha, it's okay. Kind of reminds me of my room,” I said without thinking. Woops. Probably shouldn't've mentioned that. That wasn't a good impression, but hopefully it wouldn't mean something bad to them, if it came back up.

“In here.” Cynthia's grandmother had led me down the hall and stopped in front of one of the doors. “Cynthia's already in the library. She said she wanted to pull out some texts for you to read before you got here. Knowing her, she's probably already got a huge stack prepared for you. I'll be going out for a walk, so if you need anything, let Cynthia know.”

I was alone in the hall with my Pokemon. Lance and Pika stood on either side of me, looking up at me. I was a little nervous, and her grandmother's comment on my age left me feeling a little unsettled. Was she expecting someone older? How much older? I just realized that I don't even know how old Cynthia is! Is it really okay to call ourselves friends if she's much older than me? But I found the nerves paling in comparison to my excitement. I was excited to have someone else to call a friend; excited that the local Champion had called me a friend to her grandmother. But more importantly, I was excited to see the library that she had. All the books, all the texts, the myths and years of research that people had put into studying these things-- even if I was only interested in reading only the myths, being surrounded by so many books would be so exciting! Old books had that especially exciting aesthetic appeal to them, just thinking about it...

<<Are you okay?>> asked Lance. He tugged at my clothes, pulling me out of my reverie.

“Ah, yes. Thank you. Sorry, I got a little excited...”

<<You must really like books.>>

The comment made me smile. I took a deep breath and knocked loudly on the door.

“Come in!” I could hear Cynthia's faint response through the door. I turned the doorknob and pushed.

The sight of so many books greeted me. They were on the walls, stacked against shelving on the walls. Some stacks were so high that some of the desks and chairs were buried and hidden from view. Everywhere I turned was littered with books, folders, and handwritten notes.

“Sarah! I'm so glad to see you!” I could see Cynthia in the center of the room, holding a cup of tea. I could barely make out the sight of some fancy-looking seats centered around a coffee table in the middle of the room. I smiled, and closed the door behind me.

“Thanks for inviting me!” I said. I started walking towards her, my Pokemon carefully hopping from low bookstack to bookstack like the floor was lava. I began to talk excitedly, sentences running into each other as I couldn't wait to share what I had to say. “I'm so glad you asked me to come over, this is so amazing, and---L-Lance!!! W-w-what're y-you doing h-here?”

I stopped dead in my tracks, face flushing, unaware that there was going to be company. Much less company that I liked.

<<I'm sorry, was I not supposed to jump on the books?>> asked my Riolu. The sudden change in my reaction, the strange query mentioning his name, had left him confused. It took him a moment to realize what was going on with me. He looked to where I was stuck staring, as though I were stricken with a Glare attack and could not look away. I heard a happy yip from him, and he ran towards the red-headed trainer that was seated on the couch.

<<It's him!!! It's him!! My namesake!! We get to meet my namesake!!!>

“You must be the little Riolu that I've been talking to over the phone!” I heard Lance say. He caught the little Riolu, ruffling the top of his head. My Riolu looked up at him, starry-eyed, before turning back to me. I was still stricken to the spot. Cynthia came over to me, gently pushing me behind the back to lead me to a chair that was seated on the side, between both of theirs.

“Come on in! Don't be afraid to sit down with us!”

“I-I'm not!” I said quickly, the words out of my mouth before I realized what they were. I shut my mouth right then, glancing at Lance, before looking back at Cynthia. She gave no indication that this was intentional, but I had the underlying sense that it was... I was suddenly hyperaware of how I presented myself. I quickly placed my hands in my lap. I kept my legs together, though one foot would begin bouncing in place before I knew it.

Pika had heard the excited commotion and came over to me, peeking her head over a pile of books to look. When she saw who it was, she ran over and happily nuzzled Lance on the cheek.

I felt simultaneous embarrassment and envy of her at that moment. I could have cried. I wanted to cry.

Sensing the conflicting emotions, Lance-- the Riolu-- came over to me and climbed into my lap. He was emanating so much happiness from meeting Lance –the human-- that it started to put me at ease. I wrapped my arms around my Riolu, gently resting my chin on his head, wishing I could have fiddled with something instead.

I watched as Lance picked up my Pikachu and set her down on the couch, gently scritching her under the chin.

“And hello to you too, Pika! It's been awhile since we've seen each other, hasn't it friend?”

“Chu! Pika pikachu!!”

<<My namesake! My namesake!!!>>

This was going to give me a headache, if I didn't die from embarrassment first. I tried to suppress a groan, and looked to Cynthia once more, trying to get help from her. Any kind of help. But her attention was already towards Lance, ignoring my distress.

“I'm glad to see that you're such good friends with Sarah's Pokemon already.”

“I've met her Pikachu several times, both in and out of battle. The Riolu is new.” He turned towards me. “I hope he hasn't been giving you too much trouble?”

I sat up straight when he addressed me. “Hm?! Oh! Um, n-no, not recently,” I said, lying a little. But I could feel Riolu become a little angry with me for the lie. He didn't like me being dishonest, it seemed. “A-actually, Cynthia helped us with a, uh, misunderstanding about a week ago, so things are actually better than before!” I gave him a nervous smile.

“I see.”

“It was moving to see. Sarah really is passionate about her Pokemon.”

“Y-yeah, I am.” I turned towards Lance, asking him the same question that I asked earlier when I came in.

“W-what are you doing here, Lance? I thought you were busy, with, um. League stuff?”

“Cynthia invited me to come out. She said that she's found an ancient connection between Sinnoh and Johto, and asked if I was interested.”

“But aren't you supposed to be at the league right now?”

“Since we're still in the process of obtaining a new Elite Four member to replace me, the League's been closed. I normally have time off from the Pokemon G-Men when the League is open, so I haven't had as much to do for the time being.” He looked at me, a curious expression on his face. “Why, did you want me to be there?”

“W-what?! Uh, no, I guess? I think?” I didn't know if that was the right answer or not. This was making me so nervous, so on edge. I didn't know which way I should play into this. “I just thought that you wouldn't be able to come this far north, is all.” I looked away, cheeks flushing a little. “You never mentioned it in any of our e-mails or calls.”

“It was last minute,” Cynthia interrupted. I looked over at her; she had been watching the conversation. Her legs were crossed, one elbow propped up on a knee as she rested her chin on the back of her hand. She had an inscrutable smile on her face, but the body language told me all I needed to know. She definitely planned this. I felt my face grow hotter as I realized it, and all the implications that could mean. Riolu squeaked as my arms tightened around him.

Cynthia continued. “I had the breakthrough a few days ago, and I thought he'd be interested. I found some text that suggests that Sinnohans may have moved over to Johto, but the connecting thread mentions a cave that no one's been able to find in Johto. Not yet, anyways.”

“She thought that I might like to try and find it.”

“Ah.... I see...”

“Oh! Before I forget, these are some of the books I wanted to show you, Sarah.” Cynthia got up to grab a small handful of books. She placed a few of them on the table in front of me; I was so apprehensive of the situation now that I couldn't even glance at their titles. My Riolu looked at the books curiously. “You might enjoy familiarizing yourself with Sinnoh's myths and traditions. It's a region that's full of beauty and history!”

She handed Lance the other books she held. I watched as she spoke so passionately to him about the ruins that she had found mentioned in her texts. I found myself a little jealous. Cynthia was a beautiful, confident, and an amazing trainer. She had no problems talking to Lance and keeping him invested in a conversation. And I could barely talk to him without becoming extremely flustered, stuttering and stumbling over my words, uncertain of which ones to say at all. I wanted to say all of them, in all the ways and combinations, until I could find the best ones to say to him. But with that desire to talk to him came the same conflict of being noticed, of being watched, of being paid attention to. As much as I wanted it, I didn't want it; because if he saw me, then he was watching me. And if he was watching me, then that meant that I could be judged one way or the other over something I did. Something I said. The way I looked, the look I gave off. I didn't want him to think less of me because of that. Cynthia, on the other hand, didn't seem to care about the mess that her library was in. She knew who she was and confident that it was more than enough to be liked, to be respected. I yearned to have that kind of confidence, that fearlessness. But I had to be liked. I had to be well-liked. I couldn't stand letting someone think worse of me for an accident or lack of attention or knowledge.

So I sat there, quietly watching the two of them as they became more invested in their conversation, until I thought myself forgotten about. The things they spoke about were beyond my current knowledge, and I, for once, could not interrupt. The two of them got up to look at something else in the library, ancient maps I think. I sunk into my seat, letting out a long sigh. Riolu looked up at me from where he sat in my lap, confused and concerned.

<<What are you feeling right now? I know the confusion.>>

Jealousy, I thought back. I was jealous of her. Not to a bitter extent, but... She probably could have-- I couldn't finish the thought, the mere idea of it making me hurt. I wanted to cry. Riolu turned around to press his forehead against mine.

<<I don't understand your feelings, but I do know that you're in pain right now. I hope you can feel better.>>

“Thanks.”

I watched as Cynthia helped Lance find reference materials for the Sinjoh ruins that she talked about. He hadn't heard of it before, and Cynthia speculated it was somewhere far north of his hometown. Lance placed a hand on his chin as he thought, looking carefully at the maps she had on the wall and the documents she showed him. It looked natural, seeing them together. Perhaps if I was in a better place emotionally, I could have enjoyed watching him in a different element.

The two of them seemed to flow well together, I found myself thinking as I observed them. I didn't want to, but it came unbidden. They looked good together. People probably think... nicer things about the two of them together than if it were me with him. I was not pretty. Today, I didn't feel smart enough to even join in their conversation, though I obviously could have picked up the information. I couldn't deny that, and so, the argument inside my head began.

My thoughts struggled between telling me I was worthless as a trainer and proving all of it wrong. I was good at Pokemon battles, and I had defeated the Champions from Kanto and Hoenn, but I didn't choose to take that role of responsibility that came with being Champion. It wasn't something I could do. It required a lot of work, and I wouldn't have been free to continue on my own journey. On the other hand, it wasn't impressive to not take up the position. That was the only thing I was confident about. All those achievements didn't mean that I'd be interesting to someone. Someone that I struggled to initiate a conversation with, and sometimes procrastinated replying to text or email messages to, and thought for hours on a reply, just because I didn't want to worry about him thinking awful of me. But...

My eyes roved over to where the two of them talked. I felt something awful in the pit of my stomach. A pang of jealously.

I wish I could be like her.

Anyone but myself.

Ugh. I hated these thoughts. But once they started, they wouldn't stop coming.

If he got with me, it would be such a joke. The media would have a field day. And why would he even get with me? Because I have a one-sided crush? That's bullshit. Plus, she can talk to him about things, and hold a conversation, and, damn, even get him to travel to another region for just a myth that she thought he might be interested in? I can't even do that. I mean, I never asked him, but why would I? I know he won't show, even if he didn't have all those responsibilities. And I'm strong as a trainer, but I'm not as experienced as her. I can't even accept that my own selfish feelings might be hurting my Pokemon. I thought I knew a lot, but it's just as much hot air as Eusine. And then there's just... UGH. Expecting someone to get with me, looking like this? A Milktank, no a Snorlax-- wait what was that cat they have here? Purugly. I'm so ugly, so awful--

<<Sarah?>>

It was a sound like a cold drop of water. The burning, burdening chaotic swirl of thoughts stopped, for just a moment. Riolu's thought was like a cool, soothing balm. I opened my eyes. I hadn't even realized that I had them shut, tears welling up in the corner. He touched his forehead to mine. After a few moments, I felt a calming wave of energy sweep through my body, relaxing all the muscles that had tensed.

<<Better?>> he asked, thoughts full of concern.

Yeah, I thought back. I hugged him tight, closing my eyes again. That helped a bit. Thanks.

<<Good. Because you got Miss Cynthia's attention.>>

That made me jump. I opened my eyes again to see her standing nearby, a gentle smile on her face.

"Are you doing okay, Sarah?" she asked me quietly.

"Uhm.. Mm… y-yeah. I-I'm okay now."

"That's good. I'd hate for you to feel awful while we're all here." She gently ran her hand along the back of my head, and rested it on my shoulder. "Please, have some tea. Or, if you'd like, there are more beverages in the kitchen. I could get you something to drink.”

I looked at her, then looked over to where Lance was, still invested in the scrolls.

"Uh, um. No, I'm okay. I have water in my bag. Thank you."

It was strange. She had such a caring aura about her that I wanted to break down and cry to her. To let her know about everything that was upsetting me, including how I was both jealous of her, and that I admired her. That I hated my conflicting feelings. That I lacked the courage I would otherwise have, when it came to Lance. I wanted to ask her for advice, but I hated the idea of needing to seek it. Knowing that she showed so much care to me, a trainer she had only met a few times, was enough to make me want to break down.

But my Riolu, Lance, continued to emanate calm energy, keeping me from reacting in a way that I would have hated. He didn't understand it, but he understood enough to know that keeping me calm was what I needed most at the moment. Crying was one of the last things that I had wanted to do.

<<Thank you, Lance.>> I thought to my Riolu. I'd have to remember to give him a good treat later on.

"Do you want to step outside for a bit?" Cynthia asked me suddenly.

I blinked. I looked up at her, confused. Was she… Trying to get me to leave the room? But… did that maybe mean….

As though reading my thoughts, she quickly added, "I could give you a tour of the house. Though, I suppose we should avoid my room, it is a bit messy from all the paperwork…."

"I, uh…"

"Great!” She turned her head, calling out over her should, “Lance, we'll be back in a bit. If you're interested, there's some books I found on the Johto region, pre-dating the Tin and Brass Towers in that corner over there."

She got me to take off my bag and come with her. Riolu followed, though he didn't have much choice as my emotional support Pokemon at the moment. Pika stayed behind; she was enjoying the small snacks that Cynthia had left out. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her.

Cynthia gently guided me towards the back of the house. And by gently, I meant that she gently pushed me towards the back, ignoring all confused protests with cheerful replies. She led me outside, to where there was a wide, empty dirt yard. She let out her Lucario, much to the joy of my own Riolu, who now squirmed in my arms so he could say hello to his newfound hero.

"Gahhh… I'm sorry about all this. I should have thought more carefully about it or let you know that he was coming over."

"Wait, so it was planned?" I said, turning around on her. I didn't know if I should have been more angry or shocked that she knew all along about my feelings towards that Lance, and still let this happened. “Or at least the him coming over part…?"

Cynthia leaned against the banister of the porch. She didn't say anything for a moment, as though she was trying to carefully word her thoughts. I waited, trying not to be angry, trying not to be embarrassed.

"I thought it might help," she finally said.

My emotions decided: I was angry, mad at her, though I couldn't put into words why. But…. I believed her. She really was trying to help me. I could feel it. And as I stared angrily at her, I felt my conviction weaken. Her Lucario stood nearby, palms out; he was using his aura powers to connect our spirits so we could better understand one another.

"...You're really scared about this," she said with a mixture of pity and understanding. “And you're right to feel angry; I should have asked or talked to you about this beforehand.” She slapped her forehead, muttering a simple idiot to herself.

"Y-yeah. Yeah, I really am. Both angry and scared. Because I already did this once, like an idiot, and erroneously assumed that that's what you do to like people. That you just... Decide to. And then you tell them that you want to date them and then you become boyfriend and girlfriend or whatever and it all goes uphill from there. But it didn't. And I'm lucky at all that he still let me get to know him after that. But I guess not enough, if I didn't know that he was coming here..."

Cynthia paused, giving a thoughtful hum. Then, she said in a hopeful tone, "Well, what if he wanted to surprise you? When was the last time you guys got to see each other in person?"

Her questions gave me pause to think. I never considered that, but I also didn't think I was important enough for something like that. Like he'd come all the way out here just to surprise me, when my Pokemon journey meant that I could be anywhere between a city and a route, even stuck somewhere. Sure, I normally tell him where I was heading or planning to go; but there wasn't a guarantee that I would have been here. Or anywhere. Planning a visit was one thing, but a surprise one....?

"C-c'mon now…" I looked away from her, eyes searching ground for things to say. Burnt orange dirt greeted me as an answer. A single rock, a couple of weeds, more dirt. Nothing useful that could be said. “There's no way that he'd... wanna... I mean, I'm not someone important. I'm just a stupid, annoying teen, annoying some guy that I kn--” I stopped, horrified. “Oh Arceus, I should be leaving him alone, shouldn't I?! I bet I seem like some crazy stalker fangirl and-- ugh. Damnit, Sarah, how could you be so stupid!? You're bugging him so much--"

I was cut off as an unlikely hand-chop came down on my head, causing me more surprise than pain. Doink.

"Owwwowowowowow." I clutched at my head, tears curling up in the corners of my eyes from the pain. I looked up at Cynthia, whose hand was still vertical and poised to chop me on the head again. “What'd'you do that for!?”

“What about all those calls?” Her voice was stern.

"Courtesy. He's just doing them out of courtesy, or to be nice, or because I seem crazy enough that if he doesn't he's worried I might--"

Doink.

Another hand-chop to the head.

I rubbed the top of my head, tears welling up in frustration now.

“You need to stop the negative thinking! He wouldn't take the time out of his busy schedule to do all that just because you annoyed him, Sarah. Trust me; I've had my fair share of crazy fans, and I wouldn't let any of them near me like I've let you. I'm not saying this to get your hopes up, but it's clear that he think you're someone worth keeping near. For people like us, where we're constantly being hounded by media and trainers looking for personal gain and not much else, that's a lot. We have our own lives; but it's hard to let people in them. And with the frequency of those calls that you guys have--”

“E-EH?! W-w-wait, y-you know... a-ab-about.... th-those!?” The way she had so casually said it this time had caught me off guard. I don't know why I hadn't froze up at the first mention of the calls mere minute ago.

“Lance told me.” At the sudden deep blush that set across my face, she clarified. “Your Riolu, I mean. ...I see now why the name might have been difficult for you.”

“Oh.” I still felt alarmed, but I relaxed a little. That meant he wasn't sharing stuff like that with other people. Not that I wanted him to. I didn't want to think about what it meant if he was sharing that to someone else, especially not with Cynthia.

“I apologize, for not telling you that he was coming over. You were so afraid and scared to say Lance's name,” she said, nodding towards my Riolu, “that I thought having you come over while he was here might have helped. I didn't let you know because I thought that you might run away... And I thought that you might appreciate the surprise of getting to see him again, in person.”

“I--” I stopped to think about it. She was right; I would have thought about running away. But I realized that, despite all the fluster and frustration and everything else that just happened, it was nice to see him again, in person. I hadn't gotten to see him in person very often the last few years; part of that happily avoiding the awkwardness awarded to me by my thirteen-year-old self, while also us having our own, vastly different paths in life at the time. But, even with the information that Cynthia had now shared with me, I thought that maybe I should keep my distance from him. To leave him alone, and not bug him like I usually did. To not repeat the mistakes of the past. To make sure that I didn't do that.

I really wished I could have been better about that.

“You do like getting to see him again, right?” Cynthia asked me, noticing that my thoughts had started to spiral again. I felt myself flush right up, stammering out a reply.

"I-I… I'mma… Y-you're n-n-not… wr-wrong about… about that…." I crossed my arms, looking away for a moment so I wouldn't have to face the consequences of admitting it.

Cynthia laughed. "Who knows. Maybe this might help you get closer to him, so you're not always stuttering!"

"I'M NOT STUTTERING!!!" I shouted at her, face red. “I just…. Fumble… and stumble… over my, uh, words………."

"Can you even refer to him by name?" she asked, sounding concerned for a moment.

"Err, um… that is to say…. Uh…." I hung my head. "N-no… n-not r-really."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Um…." I paused to think. Why do I have trouble using his name? ...ah. That's why. I looked down, and I picked at the sleeve of my shirt. I didn't want to say the words.

"Because I don't think I'm worthy of saying it."

There was a solemn moment between the two of us. Putting it into words made it feel so surreal. It made no sense to think that way, or feel that way. After all, I was a human. I was a damn Champion; I've beaten his ass at Pokemon battles more times than it was worth, when I was much younger. So then, why did that not mean something? Why was I venerating a name that anyone could have? Even my own Pokemon had suffered because of those feelings.

Then, as I was contemplating the absurdity of it, Cynthia started laughing, wiping tears from her eyes as she approached me.

"Wh-WHAT?!" I shouted, embarrassed and confused. "I REALLY DO THINK- er, feel… That way… I guess."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for laughing. But just… The way you said it--"

"Ugh! Why did I even come out here with you?! I should have just gone off and trained!" I turned away, crossing my arms angrily. She came up and gave me a consoling hug.

"You really shouldn't feel that way about yourself," she said quietly. "Regardless of whether or not you're in love. It's not good to hate yourself like that. You are worth so much, and I see so much potential in you, both as a trainer and as a person. Don't give up on your dreams, because someone told you to feel this way once."

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to will myself not to cry.

“W-what if...” It was a struggle to get the words out. “Wh-what.. i-if.... it w-was... m-m-more... se...several... people?”

“Not even then. Their lies are not what's true about you.”

Her words and compassion had finally gotten me to cry. Feelings that I kept pushed down inside myself burst forth. I turned around and pressed my face against her, trying to hide it, but so painfully aware in some part of my brain that it would result in some snot on her coat. It was embarrassing. But she didn't show anything other than kindness as I broke down. She soothed me with comforting words and hushes, gently rubbing my back. When I had finally stopped, spent of the emotions that I had kept bottled up, she recalled her Lucario and guided me back inside. We stopped in the kitchen for a moment; Cynthia suggested that I get something to drink before returning to the library.

Riolu had followed behind us, watching everything with quiet awe. I could feel that he had a query for me, but he couldn't quite formulate it clearly. And even if he had, I wasn't sure that I could answer him.

“Lance,” Cynthia called out sweetly to my Riolu. “Do you understand what just happened here?”

He shook his head, mouth slightly open.

“Ri.”

“Sometimes, when things hurt for us, we try to hide it. But if we keep doing that, then it gets to be too much to hold back. Sometimes you have to let yourself cry. Or scream. Or whatever it is that your emotions are making you feel. Sarah seems to be especially fond of holding them back. I can't say she's particularly good at hiding them, though.”

“Thanks, Cynthia,” I said wryly, face heating up as I took another drink. It was embarrassing having her explain things to my Pokemon, because it also felt like she was trying to wink-wink-nudge-nudge me about how to solve my own emotional issues. I should have been more than capable of doing that myself, without the explanation from someone else. She continued.

“So if you feel like she's ever in need of letting out her feelings, you might need to pull her aside and get her to open up to you. It might not be as easy as it was today. Sometimes, in order to protect herself from her feelings, she might fight you on it. But you'll have to be patient and wait her out, letting her know that you're there for her.”

“Ri...”

Riolu jumped up to hug me, startling me for a moment.

<<I promise to help take care of you!>> His feeling was sincere. The energy behind it, the strength of his feelings, almost made me cry again. I shook my head, trying to focus elsewhere.

When I calmed down, we walked back to the room. I was staring at the door again, mentally preparing myself once more to enter. The calm that I had gained was slowly giving way once more to nervousness. I found myself worrying that it would show all over my face that I had an emotional meltdown. (Cynthia told me it didn't look like I had been crying, but I wasn't convinced.) I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down while it felt like every fiber of my being was racing. My skin felt like ants were crawling all over it. I rubbed one of my arms and took a final deep breath.

Cynthia smiled at me.

“You ready?”

“Y-yeah. I'll be fine.” I picked up my Riolu, hugging him tightly. “I've got this Lance with me to help keep me calm.”

“Ri!” His tail wagged.

“We're back!” Cynthia called out when we entered. I could see Lance's tuft of red hair over by the table that we had been seated at earlier.

“Welcome back!” he replied. We walked over to him, and I could see Pika curled up beside his lap, taking a nap. I instantly felt envious of her. To just so casually....! Lance noticed that I was looking at her, and gave a small laugh.

“I came over to read some of the books, when I noticed that Pika had been left behind. I thought it was odd, but she didn't seem to be bothered by being separated from you. In fact, she curled right up next to me and fell asleep.”

I blushed. My Riolu looked up at me.

<<She felt confident that I could help,>> he said. <<I'm not sure why that is. Miss Cynthia was the one to help you the most! I think she just wanted to eat the cookies without sharing...>>

I frowned when he told me that. I put him down and picked up Pika, sitting down on the couch as I did so. I held her up, away from me, waiting for her to wake up.

Pika gave a sleepy little yawn. She squeaked when she saw me staring at her with an unamused expression. She squirmed, giggling as she tried to get out of my grip. I let go of her with a short sigh, and she fell into my lap. With a carefree attitude, she climbed back up the couch to sit on my shoulder, nuzzling me. She was definitely trying to be trouble.

“Honestly...”

“Is everything okay? It's not often that I don't see her without you.”

I jumped up for a second, forgetting that he was there. I tensed up, and feigned ignorance. “Hm? Oh, uh, Riolu said that she wanted to eat all the cookies and not share.” I gave him a nervous smile. “Some days, y'know?” I had no idea what I was trying to get at, honestly. But I hoped it was enough of an answer to avoid any future questions.

Now that I was no longer giving my Pokemon a condescending stare, knowing what her real motive was, I realized that I had sat next to him. On the same couch. I felt my face heat up and I slowly started to scoot away. Ah, but that's too obvious. Ah, quick! I patted the space next to me, motioning for Riolu to come sit there. He tilted his head at me, but obliged, climbing onto the couch. I scooted over more so he could sit between us; Lance raised an eyebrow at me.

“Ah, I forgot to mention it earlier, but Riolu's really excited to meet you!” I gave him a nervous laugh, and fumbled around for a further explanation. “Though I guess that much was obvious earlier... Ahaha... I thought, um. Well, uh... I don't really know how else to explain it, so just! Accept that he wanted to sit next to you!!”

Smooth.

As if picking up on the cue, Riolu turned towards Lance and wagged his tail. It wasn't disingenuous, as he really was excited to meet his namesake.

<<Hi, I'm Lance! I was named after you!!>> He stood up on the couch and held out his paw to Lance.

Panic coursed through me. My face instantly turned red and I grabbed Riolu. I pulled him away, hand over his mouth while trying to resist the urge to grumble something into his ear.

“What... did he say?” Lance sounded concerned, but I could hear muffled laughter from Cynthia, seated across from us. I had forgotten about her, but now wasn't the time to deal with her.

“O-Oh! Uhhh...ummm... y-y'know... how some.. Pokemon, just... say.... silly....things? To, um, their heroes?” I winced, feeling like the lie wasn't much better. My Pokemon wasn't satisfied with it either, and frowned. I could feel the dissatisfaction, right there, in my arms.

“I can't say that I know... Seeing as I haven't had any Pokemon talk to me in the same way that Riolu seems to with you.”

“Oh!” I let him go, and Riolu crossed his arms, pouting. “That's, um...” That's great! I wanted to say, but I knew that it was a very enviable thing to be able to understand Pokemon clearly. In specific words.

“That's, err, too bad, I think?” I relaxed, relieved that my Riolu hadn't somehow instantly been able to connect to and bond with Lance like he had with me. “I mean, it sucks, when they um, just have a lot of cool things they want to say to you! He thinks you're really cool!”

“And what else does Riolu think,” Cynthia said from the sidelines. I gave her a sharp look, and she stifled her laughter.

“Okay, I don't know what Cynthia thinks is so funny, but he really does look up to you!” I said, finally giving a genuine statement. “He's wanted to meet you for awhile now. And, it's, uh, it is nice to see you outside the league, for once. And not because of work!” I added, remembering that one time I had run into him. He was on a mission with the Pokemon G-Men, and somehow the events of that created this... issue. “I was just, um, surprised earlier to see you anywhere but Kanto or Johto, really. So I'm sorry if it seemed like I was being rude.”

Lance seemed to be confused by what I was saying, and I rolled my eyes and shook my head, frustrated at myself.

“Nevermind. Sorry if that didn't make any sense.”

He gave me a strange look, perhaps because my own words were strange enough without all the context on my end.

“I accept your apology, though I'm not really sure what it's for.”

“Um, 'cuz I thought maybe it seemed like I didn't want you here?”

“It didn't seem that way to me.”

I paused, trying not to overthink on what he just said. “I—oh, um. Good.” I nodded, trying to sound certain of myself.

An awkward silence followed, but it was shortly interrupted by Cynthia.

“Sarah,” she turned to me. “Where is your next badge located?”

Bless her for changing the subject to something less nerve-wracking. Riolu perked up at the mention of the Gym Challenge, and uncrossed his arms. I looked up at nothing in particular, trying to recall where I was told to go next. It was on the west side of Sinnoh, somewhere closer to Twinleaf Town than this side of Mt. Coronet.

“Umm... I think the city's called Canalave?”

“Then you should definitely make sure to train up your Riolu!” Cynthia looked excited, eyes brimming with energy and the teasing forgotten. “The Gym Leader is Byron; he's a steel-type user. Would you like to stay for awhile and train with me?”

I blinked. The offer was extremely honoring, and I couldn't figure out a reason to say no. “Sure, I'd love to! Thank you very much Cynthia.” I looked down towards the little Pokemon beside me. My Riolu jumped up, looking starry-eyed at Cynthia, tail wagging excitedly. “I'm sure Riolu would love it too, if he got to train with your Lucario!”

“Of course. I'd be more than happy for them to train together!”

“Would it be okay if I joined the two of you for your training?” Lance asked suddenly.

I felt myself freeze. I was not expecting that. I looked at him, scrutinizing him. Was there a joke in this? A prank? I was suddenly suspicious, wondering if somehow he and Cynthia were in on something. But if they were planning something like this all along, I couldn't tell; not from him. I quickly looked towards Cynthia, who clasped her hands together, smiling.

“That would be great! Incidentally, how long are you planning to stay in Sinnoh?”

“I've got a few days before I need to head to Blackthorn City.”

“Excellent! Then it's settled. We'll all train together!”

So maybe it wasn't planned. That didn't stop Cynthia from flashing me a devious smile right after. I couldn't help but feel apprehensive that she had something else up her long, black sleeves.

“That reminds me!” She pulled out a poster from under one of the books, and showed it to us. It had a drawing of a starry night sky, with what looked like shooting stars falling across it. Under that was the shrine, and the area around it was decorated.

“We're having a festival in a few days. Because we're away from any of the larger cities, the night sky is really clear. It makes it easy for us to see a meteor shower that happens once a year. It's one of the few things that draws visitors to Celestic Town, giving them revenue. The both of you should go! I'll be busy helping the town run it, so I won't be able to show you guys around, but I think you'll have plenty of fun exploring it without me!”

I felt my insides go hollow, instantly recognizing what Cynthia was doing. She was setting up an opportunity... for... a... I couldn't finish the thought, too frazzled to think it. I could only hope that, between the blanched feeling I was having and the inevitable blush that was to follow, my complexion looked relatively normal. Because I wanted to scream. And run away. And never come back.

Cynthia just gave me that, sweet, innocent, inscrutable smile, now decipherable, as a little nudge forward. She knew exactly what she was doing, and I hated that I wanted to thank her for it, too.

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ask-the-clergy-bc · 4 years

Note

What would you think about headcanons for the papas realizing they're falling in love with someone close to them (i.e. an assistant, close friend, etc.)? Super specific, I know, but it was an idea I got super interested in on the fly lmao

I love this so much, it’s actually one of my favorite ways to look into their characters romantically!! Hope you enjoy this!

Also, I feel like it’s a given but I always want to point out that there will be very blatant power imbalances when it comes to the Assistant Reader and the Papas- simply from their place of power and titles. I can go back and add a tag to this if anyone needs!

Papas/Copia realizing they are falling for a reader who is close to them!

Papa Nihil:

Nihil has only experienced love like this only a handful of times (Don’t tell Sister!) Imperator was one of the strongest connections he ever felt, and the first time he was hit by true love. But over the decades their relationship was put in a strain. Especially when you came into his life. Originally you were part of a small group of Siblings who attended Nihil. But, eventually it became just you who turned to his personal assistant. Not just from his favor but you were the only one who could handle the workload and challenges of the job. Others just fell out of it and were dismissed. Plus, Sister Imperator saw great potential in you. Nihil started noticing his change in feelings toward you some time into your position as Grand Papa’s personal assistant. It was more comforting and easy going with you around.

Nihil wasn’t sure to laugh at himself or shake his head when you took your first vacation, leaving him with a sub par substitute. You being gone made him sad, lonely, and aching for your return. That’s when he knew he had it bad for you. You always made his day and you both communicated well. Not to mention that you shared so much in common. Papa Nihil felt he bonded with you in a way he hadn’t felt in years. And, he wasn’t about to let you get away! When you came back he did usher you away to a private place and confess his feelings to you. Being blunt and straight admitting that he couldn’t picture his life without you. Nihil gives you the chance to accept or decline of course, seeing as this could turn your professional life in the clergy upside down. You have no idea how pleased he is when you accept!

Papa I:

You had worked with Papa for years now. You wouldn’t call yourself one of his students, nor one of his personal secretaries. But you were always one of his go to Siblings of sin for rituals, under work, and various projects the Papa would assign. You had been there for everything between helping the man research, to gathering ritual supplies, and even attending his gardens. To Papa, you were a valued member of the flock and one of the hardest workers he had met in the Ministry. Honestly, it was no wonder to the man why he felt so fondly of you. Papa knew immediately he was attracted to you. At first it was a casual attraction, yes he found you attractive but he was more intrigued by your point of view and your mind. He longed to get to know you more. Papa is not one to beat around the bush, and quite bluntly asked if you wished to pursue anything more.

You accepted, even though you wanted to take things very slow. And Papa was happy to respect you. Your relationship was very platonic for a long time, and Papa valued your company more than anything. The more time spent together the stronger your relationship. For Papa, it was a welcome change to have a more friendly and deep companion than one that served to warm his bed. It didn’t surprise him the day he watched you work with his personal garden did he realize you meant the world to him. That no other person understood and loved him the way that you did. Papa smiled to himself and continued to work. When you asked him why he looked so content Papa was quick to say, “I believe you have stolen my heart.” It nearly made your own heart stop. This fierce, all powerful Antipope before you was humbled and proclaiming his love in the sweetest way. You couldn’t help but do the same for him!

Papa II:

Takes the longest to come to terms with his feelings and is the most stubborn about it. Namely because Papa is scared to death at the idea of truly catching feelings for someone. He’s had his days of endless lusting, infatuations- nothing more than casual flings or short term affairs. But to realize he’s falling for you? It’s not possible! You weren’t even in his inner circle… not at first. You were one of his older brother’s students. A promising user of witch craft that longed to master your dark arts with the eldest Emeritus brother. He met you when you assisted in a ritual that took place with all the Papas. At first he didn’t notice you, but seeing you talk to Papa I changed that… you were articulate, polite, thoughtful, intelligent, and best of all you were pleasing to look at. Papa thought highly of your potential, and you two slowly talked more and more.

He made his casual interest known and you reciprocated. What started as another casual affair turned into more than just the physical. Soon you both were having more dinners, more conversations. Hell there were times he summoned you just to have company and some wine. You were a delight to talk to, so much more deeper than some of his other lovers. Actually, you weren’t just another lover. To him you were like a very close friend with benefits- something he didn’t allow often. Papa did not open up to you at first, but the longer you spent time together the more he considered it. He found himself losing his guard with you and he despised the idea of being vulnerable. Papa denied himself of WANTING you to know him so intimately… but eventually had to confess. He wanted you for himself, as a real partner. A real lover in all senses of the word. Someone he could grow to give his whole self to. It took him a while to work the nerve up to inform you this, and you were all too happy to accept!

Papa III:

It took him a long time to realize how deep his feelings are for you- because you two have been close friends for years. Granted, you’ve rejected all of his casual advances for bedtime shenanigans, and he’s always respected that. Instead you two have gotten very close emotionally- something Papa genuinely doesn’t have with a lot of people. Besides Omega, and a few of his ghouls and brothers, Papa does not have a lot of genuine and true friends he can be himself around. His position of authority makes it hard in both rivalry and people wanting to use him. Not that he has a lack of bedmates or casual partying acquaintances. So he’s never thought to even think of you as anything more than one of his best friends and confidants…That is until he saw you flirt with someone for the first time. Now, Papa HAS been there to give you romantic advice and an ear when it comes to your personal life.

What person in the Clergy doesn’t have their bouts in romance? But he’s never actually SEEN you with anyone… and that just doesn’t feel right to him. He finds himself, dare he think, jealous? But why would he be- you’re his friend, he should be happy for you! After all you’ve made it clear that you didn’t want any casual one nights with him… but did he ever think to commit more? Papa broods on it for a long time of why he would suddenly feel so awful about the idea of you actually BEING with someone else- like having a serious commitment with someone. Why was he so JEALOUS? Then it hits him… he actually has feelings for you. The reason he didn’t understand before is that Papa rarely has deeper, intimate feelings for someone beyond lust or infatuation. And now, he’s understanding that maybe the reason he’s so eager for your company is more than mere friendship.

Papa IV/Cardinal Copia:

Copia had known for a very long time that he had fallen in love with you. You were one of the few people he trusted with his life- as true loyalty beyond his ghouls was genuine and rare. The Ministry is a cut throat and very dangerous place to be in the higher ranks, especially with him trying to start the new Bloodline. But you’ve been his personal assistant for years and the two of you had bonded immensely. He loved all your mannerisms, your kindness, your loyalty and duty to the Clergy. But Copia never made a move on you. Even though there is nothing saying he CAN’T have unprofessional relations with you (who in the Clergy DIDN’T regularly bed their co workers and assistants?) Copia never felt right about it. Mainly because he was afraid you didn’t see him that way and that, if you did get physical, it might ruin the bond you two had. So he stayed quiet about it for years and just admired you from his desk.

It’s not until he’s FINALLY Papa does he try to make a move and confess. Mainly because now he doesn’t have to worry about him being in such a precarious position. Copia can finally relax a little and enjoy his newfound position. You haven’t left this entire time, you’ve been there for him- Hell’s Gates, you’re STILL his assistant! Copia, even in his Papa paint, still seems so shy like a school boy about it. But he confesses his feelings to you without faltering. At first his heart sinks with rejection when he hears you bust out laughing. But this changes when you smile back sweetly and shake your head. “Finally- it took you long enough!” For you both, it was a new start to an already solid and unshakable relationship. You just had to be the patient one and let him come to you!

#the band ghost #ghost headcanons #ghost band #Ghost headcanon #reader insert #papa nihil #papa emeritus i #Papa Emeritus II #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus iv #cardinal copia

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city-writes · 3 years

Text

Unwaivering

Kirishima can't help but find himself drawn to the blond currently hunched over, asleep at his bedside. He can't explain it, this magnet-like attraction to him, this innate sense of comfort, of familiarity that seems to pool in his stomach, flutter in his chest as he looks over the other man.

The presence of a horned woman with pink hair and skin sitting in the chair less than 3 feet away from his hospital bed also provides a sense of comfort to him, but not to the same strange extent the blond does.

If only he knew who either of them were.

Warnings: Aged-Up Characters; Pro-Hero Characters; Memory Loss; Blink-And-You-Miss-It Manga Spoilers; Pairing(s): Eijirou Kirishima/Katsuki Bakugo (KiriBaku) Word Count: 12,254 words.

Read it here on AO3! Commission Info!

____________________

The solid, steady rhythm of some kind of beeping is what rouses him.

The sound's not sudden; Its as though he'd been floating in a black, inky void that muffled anything and everything, but the beeping had been patiently insistent. He wasn't sure when he'd registered it, or how long it'd been slowly rising in volume before he could no longer ignore it, but now that he was aware of it, he had to know what it was.

The second that desire for knowledge, that determination is cemented in his re-stabilizing consciousness, he feels heavy. There's a general acknowledgement of 'hurt', pretty much everywhere.

Before he brings himself to open his eyes, he can feel himself laying down, but not flat on his back. He's propped up slightly, in an angle that's an awkward compromise between sitting up and laying down. The plush comfort beneath him, behind him, as well as the warmth that carpets him from about his mid-chest down, is indicative of him being in a bed. Safe. Is he safe? He tries to bring himself to talk, to call out for someone, anyone, that could or would help him. Why wouldn't he be safe? Should he be safe? Was it normal to wonder if you were safe or not while waking up? No words leave him, though, a low, strained sounding groan being the only thing he could manage.

There's the sound of a sharp intake of air(a gasp, maybe?) from somewhere nearby, but he momentarily ignores it, moving what all of his body he can as he slowly re-acquaints himself with the familiarity of his joints, his muscles. That general sensation of 'hurt' now becomes more pronounced, more detailed, more specific in various areas of his body: the expanse of his chest, the length of his arms, though most notably is his head. He slowly tilts his head from left, to right, then back to its natural position, feeling his face contort in discomfort. He takes a deep inhale, and feels the ache in his chest expand as his lungs do. Reflexively, his fingers curl in on themselves and--

There's a warmth in his right hand, a presence of something foreign loosely wrapped around it.

Despite the surprising weight his eyelids seem to bear, he's able to open his eyes, looking down towards his right hand. As the world around him slowly comes into focus, he's able to make out that yes, he is on a bed, and yes, there is definitely something in his hand - specifically, another person's hand. Instinctively, he brushes his thumb along the back of this other hand. Though as his gaze travels along the arm connected to that hand, and the body connected to that arm, he stops, and takes in the sight of a blond man sitting in a chair placed directly next to his bed, hunched over in an uncomfortable looking manner. The blond's torso is resting awkwardly against the bed, and his head is turned in his direction; as though this mystery man fell asleep watching him.

There's a moment's hesitancy, a brief lapse in action as the thought of 'Who is this man?' relays itself in his head. However, before he can make any other move to interact with the blond, a voice cuts through the silence.

"Kiri?"

Tensing, he reluctantly tears his gaze away from the blond at his right side, to the owner of the voice coming from his left. He's greeted with the presence of a young woman with a pair of pale yellow-white horns in her poofy pink hair, the shade of which matched her skin. She was sitting in cushioned chair approximately three feet away from his bed, in a white and pink tye-dye crop top and black leggings. Their gazes lock, and in searching her eyes for some sort of explanation, she opens her mouth again, speaking softer this time.

"... Eijirou? Babe?"

He blinks at the tone of her words, the slight tremor in her voice. It sounded almost like she was... scared, maybe? Kiri... Eiji...rou? Lamely, he draws his gaze away from her, staring more at the floor by her feet. Why did that feel familiar? Kiri... Eijirou...

...Eijirou... Kiri...? There was something more; He could feel it. Kiri... Kiri... Kirishi... Kirishima...?

His eyes widened. Eijirou Kirishima.

Oh. Oh, that's right; That was his name, wasn't it?

It felt like something clicked into place at that, and Kirishima raised his left hand, his gaze going from its current spot on the floor, to his raised hand. He flexed his fingers, exhaling slowly as he did. Looking up, Kirishima finally took in his surroundings, and was made aware of the IV hooked up to his right arm, of the beeping that had woken him up in the first place coming from a machine that was monitoring his pulse, of a second bed in the room several feet behind the blond slumped by his side.

"I..." His throat feels raspy, the timbre of his voice soft and low, "Is this... a hospital?"

The pink woman nods, the move slow and hesitant. Her eyes glance towards his head before looking back into his eyes, and she takes a moment before speaking again. "Yeah, you..." She frowned slightly, her lower lip jutting out in a pout as she seemed to consider her next words carefully. "You've been here since about noon, yesterday." Kirishima glances around the room at that, eventually landing on an analog clock on a wall that read a little less than half past seven. The lack of light shining through the room's windows tipped him off to it more than likely being in the evening. The woman's voice draws him back to look at her. "What all do you remember?"

At that, Kirishima blinks, opening his mouth momentarily before slowly closing it upon realizing he couldn't recall... anything, really. A cold chill washes over him as he tenses, it briefly feeling like someone had frozen his insides. He didn't even remember his own name until just a moment ago... what the hell happened to him? He can only imagine the expression he's giving off, because he watches as the woman's own expression falls, her lips pressing together in a thin line as a small whimper(? whine?) escapes her.

He has the feeling of wanting to comfort her, something in him saying 'you don't like seeing her like this', and starts to stretch his left hand out as though he's trying to reach for her. She meets him halfway, turning the chair to face him directly, grabbing his one hand with both of hers.

"You don't remember anything, do you?" She asks, a sad laugh escaping her as her eyes begin to water. "You big doof, reaching over to try and make me feel better when you're the one in the hospital bed." She pulls one of her hands away to awkwardly dab at her eyelids with the back of her thumb. "You're gonna make me ruin my makeup."

Kirishima manages a weak smile and chuckle, giving the hand still holding his a gentle squeeze. The action reminds him that his right hand is also occupied by the hand of another, and he glances over to the blond again, chewing worriedly at his lower lip upon realizing that the blond was wearing a hospital gown, and that both his arms were wrapped in bandages. This guy was hurt too? Looking back to the woman, Kirishima speaks. "What happened to him?"

Another laugh leaves the woman, though this one sounds more... amused than sad. The sound is followed by a sniffle, and she shakes her head with a small smile on her face. "First you're worried about me, then you ask about what happened to Blasty? I mean, I know you, I get it, but c'mon. Kiri, babe, you're my best friend and I love you to death, but you could be a little selfish for once and ask about yourself, ya know?"

There's a beat of silence between them, Kirishima blinking before frowning confusedly. "Best friends?" He asks, his head cocking to the side slightly. "We're... best friends?"

A flicker of hurt passes through the woman's eyes at that, and there's an immediate feeling of guilt that sinks deep in Kirishima's gut. But the hurt is gone as quickly as it appeared, and she nods. "Yep!" She plasters on a big smile, giving his hand a tight squeeze. "The name's Mina Ashido. We've known each other since middle school, though we didn't really give our friendship the 'best friends' label until about our second year of high school." Her smile simmers down into something more playful, a giggle escaping her. "Honestly, Kami moped for like three minutes after finding out, and tried to save face by saying that Sero was his best friend, but you were quick to scoop him up in a hug and be like, 'Don't worry Denks, you guys are all my best friends!' but I had to add in that I had seniority and rank on him and Sero since I'd known you longer, and--"

A groan cuts Mina off, her and Kirishima looking over to the origin of the noise: the blond at Kirishima's bedside. The blond's expression scruntches uncomfortably, a small snort escaping him as he nuzzles his head against the arm its resting against, and the hand holding Kirishima's twitches.

"Yikes..." Mina whispers, seething slightly. "I should probably be a little quieter."

Kirishima doesn't look back at her yet, carefully looking over the blond and brushing his thumb against the back of his hand. "You said his name was... Blasty?"

Mina's silent for a second, which prompts Kirishima to look back at her. Her expression is sad again, though when she realizes he's looking at her, she's quick to force a smile. "Yes and no," she replies, letting go of Kirishima's hand as she fully sits back in her chair. "Blasty, Lord Explosion Murder, 'Kacchan' technically, if Kaminari's teasing or if you're Midoriya." A weak laugh leaves her as before she says, "I call him Boom Boom Bitch every once in a while, but that's cuz he calls me Bubble Gum Bitch." Her empty smile dies down, and hands are in her lap, her thumbs fiddling with themselves. "... None of that is... ringing any bells?"

There's something in her voice that makes the guilt rush back into Kirishima full force, pooling in his stomach, making his chest ache. His lips curl in on themselves as he forces himself to think, to focus on what he presumes are the blond's nicknames, to try and see if any inkling of his real name emerges for the empty expanse that was currently his lack of memories. But when he comes up with nothing, he looks away and shakes his head, feeling disappointed, like he's betrayed both Mina and the blond by not remembering.

He hears Mina give a soft hum, and a brief silence settles between them. Kirishima isn't sure how long it lasts; it could just be seconds, but it feels like an eternity. He feels frustrated, so frustrated, about this guilt, this disappointment, this upset that threatens to consume him, all because he can't remember this man's name - a man who's currently hunched over at his bedside, passed out, visibly injured, holding onto his hand like a lifeline. Even without his memories, Kirishima could tell this man was important to him in some way. Kirishima's jaw tenses, he closes his eyes and tries his damnedest to recall something, anything, subconsciously holding the blond's hand a little tighter and--

"Eijirou?"

At the sound of Mina's voice, Kirishima opens his eyes, and is caught off-guard by the sudden blur of his vision, by how hot his eyes were. His face feels wet. Shakily, Kirishima's left hand rises to feel his own face, a shuddering breath escaping him as he does so.

...Ah. He's crying.

He sniffles, rubbing at his eyes and cheeks with the back of his left hand, intent on wiping away his tears, on staunching them from flowing any further. Kirishima's too caught up in himself, in his effort to hide his tears (Don't be weak; Put on a strong front, a voice in the back of his head tells him. It's not unmanly to cry though; It's ok to be vulnerable, says an opposing voice. He's not sure which to listen to in this moment.) that he doesn't notice Mina getting up from her seat, the young woman moving to wrap her arms around him in a hug.

Its almost second-nature, the way Kirishima's left arm moves to hook around her back, his fingers grabbing at one of her shoulders as he turns to bury his head against her other shoulder. He can hear her attempting to stifle her own crying, can feel her trembling in his hold, and something nags at him in the back of his head. He's hugged her like this before, they've been in a familiar situation before. Both crying, both upset. Mortified. Abhorred. A feeling of loss. Loss at ...night? ...Midnight? Did something happen to them... late at night? He can't quite place it, can't quite explain it, and opts not to try and vocalize it, not wanting to make the woman - make Mina - cry more.

Mina leans her head against Kirishima's, and when he can feel her crying ease, she speaks.

"... Bakugo. His name is Katsuki Bakugo."

Something lights up within Kirishima at that, an eruption of warmth, of comfort, of emotion he's not sure he knows how to name upon hearing the name. It feels strong, it feels right, it feels like home. The name alone somehow manages to soothe the hurt, the ache he's feeling, and gives him the support he needs to find the strength to ease into a more collected state. His fingers curl into the fabric of her crop top, and he exhales deeply, his thumb brushing against the blond's-- against Bakugo's hand. He turns his head to look at their hands again, his cheek resting on Mina's shoulder.

The sight of their hands conjoined, along with the knowledge of Bakugo's name... Something else seems to click into place, and he's filled with a flurry of emotions. Worry. Apprehension. Fear. But at the same time, there's drive. There's insistence. There's the desire to protect. To help. To save. A rush of adrenaline. A time limit. One chance. An unknown voice: "It has to be you." His own voice, desperate: "Come on!" Katsuki's hand in his. Warmth. Overwhelming relief. Safe. He's safe. He's safe.

So why was he hurt now?

Fingers curl just a little tighter around Bakugo's hand, before Kirishima speaks. "What happened to him?" He asks for the second time now, his voice shaky. "What happened to me?"

Mina begins to pull away, and honestly Kirishima's hesitant to let her go, but says nothing, releasing his hold on her. She moves back only to pull her chair closer to his bed, and takes a seat. She reaches for his left hand, and he's quick to give it to her, giving her hand a supportive squeeze as she prepares to speak.

"Alot of this is probably going to sound foreign to you, so I'll try to make it as... easy to understand as I can." Mina says. Kirishima sees her jut her lower lip out in a small pout as she thinks, presumably to try and filter out anything that might confuse him. He gives her all the time she needs. "You and Bakugo, along with some other people, were on duty, working on some big case." Her thumb brushes against his hand. "I couldn't tell you much about it, because the agency I'm working at wasn't involved. But the agency you work at, and the agency Bakugo works at, were two that were involved."

"You were excited. You and Bakugo hadn't really teamed up on anything together since our last year at U.A-- the high school we all went to together." Mina smiled at that, the sight fond and gentle. "Not that you didn't like working together, it's just that the agencies you worked at had never teamed up before then."

"Agencies... Like, detectives?" Kirishima asked, regretting speaking up upon seeing Mina's soft expression falter.

She was silent for a moment, before working up that smile again and shaking her head. "No, Kiri. Um... Like heroes."

He blinks. Heroes? Him, a hero? He... he couldn't have been a hero, right? Heroes... Heroes had really cool and flashy quirks, and his own was...

What was his quirk again?

Kirishima frowns slightly, slowly pulling his gaze away from Mina as he tries to focus, tries to will some fragment of a memory to him that would tell him what his quirk was, but to no avail. Its frustrating, so frustrating, but he manages to exhale slowly through his nose, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again and looking to Mina. He does his best to keep his expression neutral, he doesn't want his anxiety and frustration to upset her. His gaze meets hers, and he nods affirmingly, a silent go ahead to continue.

Mina squeezes his hand comfortingly before continuing. "Like I said, I don't know the full details. But apparently you guys got a break in the case you were all working on, and had to do like, a covert sorta thing? You, Bakugo, and several other heroes infiltrated a building the villains were going to use to take civilian hostages, by dressing up as civilians yourselves and quietly telling the actual civilians to discreetly get out, which woulda left only heros dressed as civilians, and the villains. But something happened, I don't know what, and fighting broke out in the building. You and Bakugo went after one villain together, and apparently the room you guys ended up in had some kids hiding in there. You moved to protect them, but for whatever reason, you didn't activate your quirk in time, and were hurt pretty bad." Mina's visibly forcing herself to not cry at this point, doing all she can to presumably keep a positive face, but its failing and it tugs at Kirishima's heart.

"I don't know exactly how bad you were hurt, how... extensive your injuries were," Mina's hand is trembling in his now, her free hand dabbing at her eyes again, "but I overheard Bakugo talking with one of the doctors when I got here yesterday. Your skull had a really bad fracture, and there was something about your brain, bleeding or swelling or something, and--" She's half-sobbing at this point, clearly fighting to keep coherent. "They'd done what they could to stablize you on site after Bakugo had rushed you to the paramedics, and performed surgery when you got here and you were in there for so long and Bakugo was a mess and I was too but I'd never seen him like that, and oh god, you had us so scared Kiribabe, and-- and--!" Mina finally devolves into body-wracking sobs, the smile gone from her face as she attempts to stifle the noises leaving her. Kirishima's heart plummets into his stomach, and he holds her hand tight, the action being all he can do at this point but its not enough, she's crying, Eijirou, help her, do something, say something, anything. Help her like you helped those kids--

There's a slight pain in his head suddenly that causes Kirishima to wince, pulling his hand away from Mina's into hold his head, palm meeting an apparently bandage-covered temple. There's a chain of coughs. Small. Weak. Pitiful sounding. A whimper immediately follows, trailed by the soft 'shh!' of a child. Child? Children. There's kids in here. He turns his head, takes his eyes off the villain for a moment as an explosion sounds behind him, the sound of a struggle. His eyes quickly scan the area. There's a small leg sticking out near some rubble, black pants, a little red shoe. How did he miss it? How could he have missed it? His gaze trails up the leg, and he spots them: two kids, partially obscured by the debris of the building, one cradling the other - the smaller - in their lap, both children covered in soot and ash.

"Kiri?"

Mina's voice is faint, almost like it's floating away. She sounds scared. A sound escapes him, a grunt? A whine? It sounds far away too, but he doesn't focus on it; he can't focus on it. Not yet. Another explosion sounds behind him, followed by a crash. He hears someone - Katsuki? - cry out in pain. He turns his head. Katsuki's been thrown back first into some of the debris, crumpled awkwardly. Worry. Fear. Panic. Is he alright? It's Katsuki, of course he's alright, right? Get up. Please. Get up. The villain turns from Katsuki to look back at him. Their gaze drops towards the kids. There's a malicious look on their face, and no no nO-- He's moving fast. Is he faster than them? Should he activate his quirk now? No. He's slower when he's hardened; get to the kids first, then harden. Don't risk it. Civilians first. He's running. Adrenaline. Terror. Oh god please make it. He's sliding onto his knees, his body is hunched over awkwardly. Block the children from the villain. Leave enough room between you and the children so they don't get hurt by your quirk. Your quirk. Harden. Unbreakable. Harden!

"Kirishima?!"

His fingers are digging into his hair. He shakes head. Not yet. He can feel the ripple of hardening begin to sprout from the center of his back. Everything's in slow motion. He looks down. One of the kids is hurt, there's blood on their arm as the other kid cradles them. The bigger kid, the one holding the other, looks up at him. There's terror in those eyes. What to do, what to do, what to do? Be unbreakable. Unwaivering. His Hardening's made its way towards the front of his torso, his lower back, his shoulders, the base of his neck. He manages a smile at the older kid. It'll be ok, he wants to say. The words never form. Something makes contact with his back, but it's large, larger than he is. It slams into the entire expanse of his body, regardless of his Hardening's caught up with the rest of him or not. There's a pain in both his arms, at the back of his head, a sickly sounding crack deafened in his eardrums. Pain. Pain pain pain pain pain paIN-- The world is... on its side now? Why are the children sideways? The bigger one is speaking, crying. He can't hear their voice. Its muffled and muddy sounding, as is the villain's voice behind him, sounding rhythmic - perhaps laughter? His vision's starting to blur. Fight, fight, fight! Stay awake, protect the kids, stay aliv--

"Eijirou!"

Mina sounds terrified now, but Kirishima's hands both tighten their grip, there's something hot and wet on his face. He wants to say something, but he can't, not yet, Mina. The sound of an explosion booms behind him, but that too is muffled. The bigger kid lunges forward slightly, being careful with the smaller, using Kirishima's slumped body as a barrier between them and the pressure-filled impact of the explosion. Good. They need to stay safe. Several rounds of explosions burst one after another after another. The world's getting darker now. His body is tense, but he feels himself ebbing away. His surroundings start to fade, but he keeps his gaze on the children. They're trembling in front of him, clasping onto each other fearfully. He wants to move, wants to hold them and soothe their fear, but he can't bring himself to move his arms. Can't bring himself to shift closer somehow. Can't find it in him to even speak. The bigger kid's eyes fly open, and they move, looking past his body at something, before shimmying themself and the smaller child back some. The bigger kid starts crying, and Kirishima's gut sinks when he realizes he can no longer hear the muffled sounds of, or feel the residual force or heat of any explosions. The villain must be coming. Harden. Force it. Protect the kids! But nothing happens. The kids don't attempt to make a run for it. They look worriedly at him, before looking up again. There's a pair of warm hands moving him now, and-- PAIN. His eyes clamp shut as he fails to fight back the garbled noise that leaves him from being moved. He can't hear himself fully, he sounds so far away. There's something hot and wet falling onto him. He opens his eyes, but he doesn't see much. His vision's mostly gone, and all he can make out is a face. An angled face, expression contorted in worry and fear. There's blond hair matted to their forehead by sweat and ash, wide, wet red eyes looking frantically at him and-- oh. It's Katsuki. Katsuki's lips are moving; Katsuki's saying something. The urge to close his eyes is growing too strong to ignore though, the relief flooding his body from it being Katsuki and not the villain making his body feel heavy. He's tired, so very tired. He wants to say something though, to ease that look on Katsuki's face. He feels his mouth open to say something, but he can no longer hear what leaves his lips. He coughs, the action wet and gross, leaving the tangy taste of copper in his mouth. He feels Katsuki tense. Kirishima's sight is so far gone, no matter how hard he tries to force himself to see. He's barely able to make out the sight of Katsuki's lips move one more time. Faintly, he can hear what Katsuki's screaming. 'Eijirou'.

"Eijirou!"

Kirishima's eyes snap open at the familiar gruff voice, his head turning to look at those same red eyes he'd seen in his head just moments ago, a spark of something jolting through his chest as their gazes meet.

Bakugo's awake.

He's sitting up, his expression stern and steely, brows narrowed as he scowls (its a facade, he's terrified right now, one of the voices in the back of his head says, and this time, the other voice doesn't oppose.) and squeezes the hand holding Kirishima's. Its only then that Kirishima realizes he's got both his hands in a death grip, the hand in his hair, and the hand holding Bakugo's. Immediately, he lets go of both, the hand at his hair reaching down to cover his own mouth in abhorrent shock, the other trying to pull away from Bakugo's grip. But Bakugo doesn't let him.

"I'm sorry." Kirishima's voice sounds so small, small enough that for a moment, he doesn't even realize it's his voice, that he's the one who's speaking. He slowly becomes re-aware of his surroundings, the tunnel vision he'd had while recalling what he can only presume were his last moments before waking up here slowly dissipating. Mina's hands are on him, one at his shoulder, one at his mid-back. He's sitting fully upright now, uncurling from the ball-like position he'd been falling into while remembering. Mina looks terrified, she's standing at his bedside, the chair she'd been sitting on pushed away behind her. Kirishima looks from her, to Bakugo, from her, to Bakugo again, before biting his lower lip and lowering his head, eyes welling with tears. "I'm sorry." He repeats. He wants to comfort them, wants to give them what they want, the Eijirou Kirishima they knew, they Eijirou Kirishima they remembered. The Eijirou Kirishima he currently wasn't. "I'm so, so sorry."

He barely registers Bakugo's voice, demanding Mina ('Raccoon Eyes', he calls her) go get one of the doctors, barely registers the loss of warmth and comfort from her hands on him, barely registers the sound of his hospital room door closing. He's alone with Bakugo now, and there's so much he wants to ask, so much he wants to say but he doesn't know how to word any of it, and all that comes out through his crying is another weak, small, "I'm sorry."

Bakugo's free hand joins its twin in holding Kirishima's hand, the blond holding onto it like it's a lifeline. Kirishima feels Bakugo's hands trembling, watches as Bakugo lowers his own head, bringing their conjoined hands towards him. The second the back of Kirishima's right hands is pressed against Bakugo's lowered forehead, he sees the blond's shoulders tremble ever-so-slightly.

"Fucking hell..." Bakugo's voice is soft, slightly gravelly, his dual grip on Kirishima's right hand tightening. "Fucking hell, Eijirou."

There's something in his voice that tells Kirishima that other people would see this as Bakugo chiding Kirishima, being upset at him. Something tells him those other people would be wrong. That this isn't Bakugo being displeased with him.

Something tells him this is Bakugo relieved.

__________________________

An older doctor was quick to come in, Mina trailing behind her before being told to wait outside a short while later. When Kirishima questioned the doctor about making Mina leave, she gently informed him that she only wanted family in the room for just a moment, for patient confidentiality reasons. He didn't argue with her - she was the doctor, after all - but at her words, his eyes flickered over to Bakugo, who was still holding his hand, though the blond had shifted back into an upright position when the doctor and Mina had initially come in, only holding Kirishima's hand with just one of his own now, as opposed to both. If Mina was made to stay outside, shouldn't Bakugo have been made to do the same? Didn't Mina say Bakugo was his friend earlier?

...Now that he thought of it, Mina didn't really say what Bakugo was to him, did she? He recalled she didn't mention him during the 'best friend' conversation they had, but did mention some other people named Sero and Kaminari. Maybe Bakugo was a cousin of his?

The doctor - Dr. Higurashi, she'd introduced herself as - began slowly asking him some questions about his current state, doing various little physical tests on him as she did so: Was he currently in pain? If so, where? On a scale of one to ten, how would he rate his pain? Would he please try follow the light she was going to shine in his eyes? (His eyes are the color red, he learns, adding to his assumptions that Bakugo was probably related to him.) Would he please breathe in and out slowly as she checked his vitals? Could he wiggle his fingers? His toes?

After that was basic math questions, basic problem solving questions, all ranging from simple enough to do in a moment, to complex enough to make him wish he had a pen and paper to write his work out on. It wasn't until she began asking specific questions that Kirishima's anxiety began to creep back in.

"Can you tell me your name?" Dr. Higurashi asked as she stood at the foot of Kirishima's hospital bed, her voice as gentle as her expression.

Kirishima nodded, his hands settling in his lap. The doctor had asked Bakugo to give her and Kirishima a little room, so he was currently sitting upright in his chair, having scooted it back a little bit. Kirishima would have been lying if he said he didn't miss the comfort of Bakugo's hand in his. "My name is Eijirou Kirishima."

Dr. Higurashi smiled, nodding affirmatively. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Kirishima." She gave a quick flick of her wrist against the clipboard she had been previously writing down his physical test results on, presumably checking something off. "Are there any other names or monikers, nickname or otherwise, that you can tell me about?"

Kirishima blinks at that, finding the question odd. "Ah, Mina called me Kiri, if that counts?" He purposefully leaves out the 'babe' and 'Kiribabe' she called him by, not out of embarrassment, but out of the assumption that those might be too personal to count.

From the corner of his peripheral, Kirishima can see Bakugo frown in a way that comes off to him as strange, but he doesn't speak up about it, instead watching as Dr. Higurashi nods and marks something down. "I see. What about your current age?"

Kirishima opened his mouth to speak, but faltered when he realized he couldn't remember how old he was. He swallowed harshly, biting down on his lower lip as he tried to think. Mina had mentioned something about him, her, and Bakugo all going to high school together, that Bakugo and him hadn't teamed up on anything since their last year there. He'd graduated, obviously, since he was apparently a pro hero. So how old was he?

"I'm..." He exhaled slowly, a shuddering breath that didn't relax him like he'd wanted it to. "I'm older than 18."

Dr. Higurashi gives a brief hum then, and when Kirishima says nothing further, she nods and scribbles something on her clipboard. "Ok. Can you tell me when your birthday is?"

He doesn't even know what today's date is. He doesn't even make the attempt this time in trying to force himself to remember, simply shaking his head. "... No, ma'am."

"Do you know if you have a quirk?" She sounds so kind, so patient. Kirishima's thankful that his assigned doctor isn't someone who'd be getting irritated with him or something for not remembering.

He nods at her words though, before closing his eyes, re-seeing the moments before he passed out in his mind's eye. "I do, it's like... defensive. My body becomes..." There's a word he wants to use, a word that played in his mind earlier, a word that felt synonymous with his quirk, felt right. "...Unbreakable."

"I see." Dr. Higurashi repeats, her nose scrunching slightly as she jots something down, before she asks him more questions. His address, his home town, the last meal he ate, the current season, what the day's date is, his previous schools, his current occupation. The last two are the only ones he's able to provide some semblance of an answer to: He went to U.A. for high school and was currently a pro hero. He doesn't hide that he only knows this because of his conversation with Mina, though. In response, Dr. Higurashi asks him what other schools he went to, and what agency he was associated with as a pro hero. He's unable to answer those.

Kirishima can see the doctor's calculating gaze as she jots down little notes that seem to vary in length, some being as quick as a flick of her wrist, to taking several seconds. Her tone has remained calm and friendly, however, something Kirishima's still thankful for. Her patience and understanding has been the only thing keeping him from completely losing it.

Of course it doesn't last long.

"Can you tell me your parents' names?"

He blinks at that. His... parents? His gaze becomes unseeing, his body seems to just stop as he completely draws a blank. If it wasn't for the beeping of the machine monitoring his heartrate, he'd have believed he'd flatlined in that moment, in realizing that not only has he haven't given a single thought to 'oh god, my parents, my family must be worried about me' in the entire time he's been awake, but that he also can't recall any family. Does he even have his parents in his life? Was he raised by a single parent? Were his parents or parent worried about him? Why weren't they here? Why--

Sound is muffled in his ears, almost like he's underwater, and it takes him a moment to focus again, on the dual sounds of Dr. Higurashi and Bakugo speaking to him. He blinks once, twice, before realizing he's trembling, breathing raggedly, curled in on himself again. Dr. Higurashi's hand is on one of his shoulders, her eyes locked onto him as she's trying to grab his attention. His gaze aligns with hers, and she nods, then begins counting, then breathing, counting, then breathing. Bakugo's stopped talking at this point, but Kirishima can feel the other male's hands on him, one on his back, the other on the opposite shoulder of Dr. Higurashi's hand. Kirishima finds himself leaning into Bakugo's touch, and shakily starts breathing in time with the doctor. They all stay like that for several moments, until Kirishima's breathing has evened out.

"Let's stop here," Dr. Higurashi murmurs soothingly, brushing her thumb against Kirishima's shoulder before pulling her hand away. "I'll give you some time to relax, and we can continue this tomorrow morning."

Bakugo's hand is currently rubbing small circles at Kirishima's back, and Kirishima's more than appreciative for the comfort. But he forces out a breath, closing his eyes for a moment before looking back up at Dr. Higurashi. "Wait," Kirishima pipes up, looking pleadingly at her. "Give me one more, please."

"Mr. Kirishima, I--"

"Please." Kirishima repeats. He chews on his lower lip as he sees the doctor contemplate granting him his plea. "We can stop after this last one, I just..." He exhales through his nose, looking down at his hands, which have sat settled in his lap. "...I just want to actually remember something on my own, not something I've been told by someone else."

Dr. Higurashi gave a small hum as she seemed to weigh her options, before closing her eyes and exhaling. "One final question for the night, Mr. Kirishima. Then we'll see how you're feeling tomorrow, alright?"

Kirishima gave a small smile, nodding in agreeance. "Yes, ma'am!"

There was a moment's pause in between them, Bakugo taking the time to pull away from Kirishima then and step back a couple paces, before Dr. Higurashi spoke again. "Can you tell me your current marital status?"

A pout forms on Kirishima's lips at the question, his brows furrowing in thought as he tries to force himself to remember once more. "I..." A frustrated groan escapes him as he curls his hands into fists, the action drawing his eye to his left hand. He relaxed his hands then, lifting his left up some. "I don't... think I'm married." He hated how unsure he sounded. "Its dumb, but I feel like if I was, even with my quirk and being a pro hero, I'd have a ring or something on me somewhere?" He opened and closed his hand twice for good measure, his pout morphing into a sad smile. "So yeah, I don't think I'm married." His mind wanders back to the memory of those kids, hurt and crying while he was slumped on the ground next to them, battered and broken. "Honestly? I'm probably single. I'm a pro hero, and I couldn't even reassure those kids that they'd be ok." A dry, humorless laugh left his lips. "Who'd want to be with someone... someone weak like me?"

He heard the garbled, strangled sounding noise coming from Bakugo in the corner of the room, looking over as the blond began to walk out of the room, an unreadable look on his face. A pang of disappointment tinged Kirishima's heart as he heard his room's door open, the faint sound of Mina's surprised-sounding voice questioning, "Blasty?" before the door closed. His chest felt tight, and he felt... guilty, almost.

But why 'guilty'?

Dr. Higurashi looked concerned as she glanced towards the door, her mouth opening for a brief moment before closing again, her gaze returning to Kirishima. "...Could you clarify that for me, Mr. Kirishima?"

It takes Kirishima a moment to respond, his gaze still trained on the door, as though he was trying to will Bakugo walking back in. But nonetheless, Kirishima looks to Dr. Higurashi, and asks, "Clarify what?"

"What kids do you say you failed to reassure?" She asks in response, trailing around from the foot of Kirishima's hospital bed to the side Mina had previously been on, taking the seat she had been in.

Kirishima blinked, before gasping slightly. "Oh! I recalled it earlier, before Mina got you. I think I remembered how I got here?"

And so Kirishima explained from as early as he could remember, from the sounds of the children coughing and whimpering in that room, to Bakugo calling out for him as he slipped into darkness. When questioned what triggered the memory, he further explained that Mina had been crying about how worried she and Bakugo were about him, about how scared she was, that his mind was racing because he wanted to comfort her, help her, and that she'd mentioned him helping some kids earlier in their conversation, that his mind kind of... compared the situations, to help her like he'd supposedly helped some kids, and that the memory just kind of clicked then.

"I don't remember what the villain looked like, what their quirk was." Kirishima supplies, continuing the rather long ramble that Dr. Higurashi has allowed him to go on. "And I can't describe what those kids fully looked like? I just remember the red shoe that caught my eye, their injuries, their tears..." He exhales to steady himself, decently surprised that he was able to prevent himself from tearing up at recalling it all. "And Bakugo... Mina said our agencies had us working together, that we'd work together at U.A., and I think we worked together well? But my attention was caught by those kids, and then I look back and he's knocked into some of the debris, and when I wake up here, he's in a hospital gown and bandages too? I..." Kirishima's unable to prevent his voice from cracking, the mental image of Bakugo's worried and fearful expression playing in his mind. "I think I made him cry...?" He uses the back of one of his hands to gently rub at one of his eyes, his gaze looking to the second hospital bed in the room that he'd noticed earlier, behind where Bakugo had previously been slumped next to him.

"What you've recalled does align with what Dynamight reported to both medical personnel and authorities," Came Dr. Higurashi's gentle voice, causing Kirishima to look back in her direction, watching as she flipped through a couple of pages on her clipboard, "as well as statements from both the children. Additionally, the arm wound you mentioned seeing on one of the children--"

"So those kids got out safe?" Kirishima interrupted, his eyes wide. There's also the lingering question of who 'Dynamight' was, but the mention of Dr. Higurashi having talked to those kids, having seen those kids, took forefront on his current priority list. "They made it to the hospital?"

The doctor nodded at that, relief flooding through Kirishima's system. "Yes, they did. That arm wound honestly looked worse than it actually was, and we were able to patch them up right away, as well as treating both children with oxygen to ensure their lungs were clear of the smoke and soot in the air." She placed a kind hand on Kirishima's shoulder then. "Please take comfort in the fact that you did good, Mr. Kirishima. You were a hero to those children, and were able to keep them safe."

A shaky breath left Kirishima at that, wiping his face down with one hand as he nodded. "I will. Thank you."

Dr. Higurashi pulled her hand away at that, her smile becoming slightly more stern as she looked back at her clipboard. "From this initial, simple, un-intrusive examination, it would appear you have post-traumatic amnesia, but due to the nature of your hero work, the stress your mind and body can both be constantly put under, as well as your known past traumas, I would be remiss if I didn't also consider dissociative amnesia as well. Post-traumatic amnesia is explanatory in and of itself, and is most common after significant head injury, like what you suffered through while fighting that villain. That being said, dissociative amnesia is linked to both traumatic and intensely stressful events. Be it being in combat from war or hero work, built up traumas, or abuse of any kind: mental, emotional, physical, sexual. Additionally, 'stress' doesn't inherently refer to physical stress. It could apply to stress in personal relationships, in your home life, financial stress, or even stress about your job. Being a hero isn't just public appearances and fights with villains, after all. You also have the internal workings of the Hero Association, be it paperwork, mentoring young work studies, or anything else few and far in between."

Placing her clipboard on her lap, Dr. Higurashi looked towards Kirishima once more. "Simply put, your memory loss could simply be the result of the blunt force trauma you received, or it could be the result of stress and traumas that have built up over time, and the blow to your head was simply the straw that broke the camel's back. However, the fact that you were able to recall all that information is promising regardless of the prognosis. And while I don't like that you recalled such information during a moment of emotional duress for your friend, its a hopeful sign that this likely isn't a permanent affliction for you." With an exhale, Dr. Higurashi stood from the chair, beginning to walk back towards the foot of Kirishima's hospital bed. "Tomorrow, we'll run a few more in-depth tests on you, and I'll go over your injuries in more detail with you then, so as not to overwhelm your right now. For now, I'll leave you to Mr. Bakugo and Ms. Ashido's company. Visiting hours are almost over for the night, so I wouldn't want to rob you of your time with Ms. Ashido." Leaning down slightly, she left the clipboard inside a small box at the foot of Kirishima's bed, before nodding. "Is there anything else you'd like to tell me or ask of me before I send them in?"

Kirishima blinked as he processed her words, frowning slightly before nodding at her. "I... I think I remembered something else, something earlier, when Mina was talking with me. But... I don't think it relates to how I got here?"

The doctor's head tilted slightly at that. "Oh?"

"I remembered..." Kirishima's hands curled into gentle fists, a hum escaping him before he continued. "I remembered feeling worried? Anxious? But desperate. I can't fully remember where I was or when it was, but I could hear someone's voice. Then my own, yelling. Then the next thing I know, Bakugo's hand is in mine, and it's... relieving." His fists tighten then, wishing Bakugo was in the room to help fill in the missing gaps.

"Can you recall what all was said?"

He nods. "The voice I can't place simply said: 'It has to be you.' And then I hear myself yelling out: 'Come on.'"

There's no look of recognition on Dr. Higurashi's face, from what Kirishima can tell, simply intrigue as she pulls the clipboard up once more, beginning to write in it again. "Tell me, was there emotional duress that proceeded this flash of a memory too?"

"Kinda?" Kirishima sighs, one of his fists relaxing so that he could rub the back of his neck with that hand. "Bakugo was asleep, and Mina had been talking loud enough to kinda stir him? So she quieted down, and I'd asked what his name was, cuz she'd just called him 'Blasty' before. She seemed sad that I couldn't remember his name, couldn't remember him, so she listed off some nicknames he goes by, and when I couldn't remember, I guess I started crying out of frustration. She hugged me, and then told me his name, and then when I turned to look at him, I saw his hand holding mine and it... came to me."

Dr. Higurashi says nothing, simply nodding as she continues scribbling down notes on the clipboard. It makes Kirishima feel a little uneasy, honestly, but when she puts the clipboard back down, there's a fond smile on her face. "Thank you for sharing this information with me. It seems as though it wasn't emotional duress that helped you recall that, but rather the knowledge of his name and the sight of your hands conjoined. Unfortunately, I can't tell you what significance this fragment of memory holds for you, as it's presumably from a different case than the one that landed you in the hospital in the first place, or something that's happened in your personal, private life. While I would advise you taking it easy for tonight, and not trying to force yourself to remember too much at once for fear of the mental, emotional, and psychological repercussions it might have, perhaps maybe sharing that information with Mr. Bakugo himself might provide a little clarity for you."

Kirishima opens his mouth to reply, but closes it quickly upon realizing he doesn't exactly know what to say. Instead, he simply nods. "Yes ma'am. Thank you."

The doctor nods in response and turns to head out of the room, leaving Kirishima alone for the first time since waking up.

_____________________

The sound of his room's door opening causes Kirishima to open his eyes in response. He blinks the world back into focus, unsure of exactly at what point he'd drifted off, but the clock that had read half past seven when he'd woken up now reads a quarter past nine. A groan leaves him as he uses a hand to rub the sleep out of his eyes, pausing only when he sees Bakugo staring back at him, frozen mid-step, akin to a child that had been caught stealing out of the cookie jar.

A weird bundle of nerves begins to gather inside of Kirishima as he eyes lock onto Bakugo's, and he slowly lowers his hand from his face, looking directly at the blond. "...Hey."

Bakugo exhales, looking away from Kirishima's gaze then. "...Hey."

An awkward silence settles between them, before Bakugo relaxes somewhat, folding his arms, and glancing back to Kirishima, looking over him once. "...Sorry 'bout wakin' you up."

Kirishima blinks at that, before holding his hands up. "It's all good, man, no harm done." He watches as Bakugo's gaze shifts again, the blond looking over towards the other bed in the room, before looking towards the chair he'd previously been sitting in instead. A scoff leaves Bakugo before he moves to the seat, sitting by Kirishima's bedside once again. His arms are folded against his chest, and he props his feet up on the edge of Kirishima's bed, lowering his head somewhat, chin resting against his chest as his eyes close. Again, there's an awkward silence, causing Kirishima to chew on his lower lip slightly. "...You're not gonna fall asleep there, are you? That might not be good for your wounds, dude."

Bakugo opens an eye then. "...You want me to fuck off to bed?"

Tensing slightly at his words, Kirishima blanches a bit, and swallows. "I didn't say that!" His hands fly back up in surrender, trying to show he meant no ill will. "If you wanna sit here and like, talk or something, that's totally cool, dude! I just don't want you to fall asleep in a weird position and wake up in pain or something! That'd be really unmanly of me to just let you... do..." Kirishima falters then, blinking as he lowers his hands, a frown taking place on his lips as he looks down at them. Why had he defaulted to the word 'unmanly'? He could have said anything; 'Inconsiderate', 'Rude', 'Asshole-ish' even. So why 'Unmanly'?

And why did it come so naturally?

Upon realizing Bakugo hasn't said anything in this mini-freak out moment, Kirishima looks up from his hands over to the blond, whose red eyes are wide. There's a look akin to hope on Bakugo's face before he seems to register Kirishima is looking at him, and that look is quickly replaced by a strange type of hesitancy, an unease as Bakugo seems to think about what he wants to say next. However, nothing seems to come out.

Kirishima looks over Bakugo once, before looking at the clock. "...I guess visiting hours are over?" He asks, a sad smile tugging at his lips. "Dr. Higurashi said they'd be over soon." It'd explain why Mina hadn't come back yet, despite the doctor's attempt to give her more time before visiting hours ended.

"Would you rather Raccoon Eyes be here, instead?" Bakugo asks, causing Kirishima to look back at him. While the blond's words seemed harsh, there was something in his voice that sounded unsure, almost hesitant.

For a brief moment, he mentally compared navigating talking to Bakugo like navigating a minefield, an explosion waiting to go off. But while the strange association of 'explosion' and 'Bakugo' seemed to slot together smoothly in his head, he felt guilty about the comparison. Navigating a minefield was a task seen as treacherous, absolutely unpleasant in every way, shape, and form. That didn't feel like it fit with Bakugo at all. Maybe... a mouse in a maze instead? Mazes were a thought-inducing task, but there were no negative connotations to them, right? Minefields were about life or death; Mazes were about reaching a goal. Currently, Kirishima himself was the mouse, traversing conversation with Bakugo was the maze... so was feeling more at ease the cheese at the end of goal? Feeling more secure? There was something more there, something just out of grasp that he couldn't place.

"I mean, Mina was nice," He answers after taking a moment to remember that Bakugo had called Mina 'Raccoon Eyes' earlier, "and she's apparently my best friend? Or one of my best friends, but she claims seniority? But I don't think I'd rather her be here than you." Though to be honest with himself, Kirishima didn't like that Bakugo was hurt and in the hospital like he was. At the same time, he didn't really want to be alone either. "Why do you call her that anyway?"

Bakugo grunted, shifting in his seat slightly, crossing one leg over the other. "... Doc said you remembered the fight." It wasn't a question, Kirishima noted, but there was something about the way Bakugo said it that seemed almost like... like he was testing the waters?

"Kinda, yeah." Kirishima nodded, looking back down. "I don't remember everything; It picks up for me noticing those kids for the first time, hearing them and turning to look at them."

"...What's the last thing you remember?"

There's something in Bakugo's voice that Kirishima can't quite place, can't quite name. He would put thought into trying to decipher it, but he can't help the sudden tightness in his chest, the sudden influx of emotions he feels as he recalls the blond's frantic, tear-stained face in his mind's eye. The feeling of warm hands holding him, forcing Kirishima to look up at him. The immediate shift from fear and desperation at thinking the villain was coming for the kids, to unmitigated relief upon realizing it was Katsuki, Katsuki, not the villain.

Kirishima opens his mouth, intending to say something along the lines of 'Honestly? You, Bakugo.' but pauses when he replays those last moments in his head again. His brows furrow as he remembers the tumultuous typhoon of emotions as he thought the villain was approaching him and the children, how he initially wanted to fight against those hands on him, the way he was able to relax when he saw it was... Katsuki. How Katsuki's lips moved, how Katsuki's words were falling on deaf ears. How relieved he was it was Katsuki, not the villain. How he wanted to say or do something to ease the frantic look on Katsuki's face. How after he'd coughed up blood Katsuki tensed. His vision darkening as all he sees is Katsuki's lips moving. The world going silent after hearing Katsuki scream "Eijirou!".

His mind replays that fragment of a memory, again hears the stranger's voice say: "It has to be you." Again hears himself scream, desperate: "Come on!" He looks at Bakugo then, and there must be some kinda look on his face, because Bakugo is sitting up now, his feet pulled off the edge of Kirishima's bed, his head upright as he looks at Kirishima, his face trying to remain stoic, but there's a belying concern in his gaze.

"Eijirou?"

That sudden tightness in Kirishima's chest constricts further at Bakugo's voice, and he can't tear his gaze away from the blond. His hands are trembling. Why is it always 'Katsuki' in these memories, not 'Bakugo'? There's something there. Kirishima can't place it. Its right there, but its not. Whatever it is, it's wanting to burst out - but he doesn't know how to let it. Like an wild animal in a trap, it's fighting, thrashing against the confines, desperate, desperate, desperate.

"Ever since you met him," The stranger's voice is back, "You've built a solid relationship with Kacchan, as equals." Why does he inherently know the stranger's talking about Katsuki? "If it's you that calls to him... He'll listen!"

"Shit, Ei, I-- Fuck, I shouldn't have--"

Kirishima's body moves before he can think.

His arm is outstretched towards Bakugo, hand trembling violently. The desperation is still tempestuous inside him, the tears burning in his eyes. He wants the blond's hand in his, needs it. Why? There's significance behind it. But he can't place it. Come on.

Bakugo's hand unwaiveringly clasps onto his, gripping tight. There's no hesitancy, no trace of unsure emotions as he stares Kirishima down. His lips are drawn tight, but not in a way that denotes anger or irritation. But the blond's gaze is intense. It's like he's trying to get a message across without speaking, trying to project it from his mind into Kirishima's. Kirishima's gaze falters under the pressure, and he looks to their hands, reflexively tightening his grip on Bakugo.

And he sees it.

There's two people, each on one side of him. The cold is biting at his skin, the rushing wind amplifying the dropped temperature, but he doesn't care, he'd freeze a thousand times over if it meant saving Katsuki. He's in the air, along with the people hanging off his sides. He whips his head around, his gaze narrowing in on Katsuki, who looks like an ant from this perspective. But even with the distance, their gazes lock and he throws his arm out and screams, "Come on!". And Katsuki does. He's blasting through the air, aiming straight for him. His hand slams into his, and Katsuki breaks out into a grin Kirishima can only describe as feral, eyes wide a mix of fear and relief and amusement and trust. And Katsuki speaks through his smile, his voice clear, even above the rushing wind around them. "You idiot!"

The tears are trailing down Kirishima's face now, but he's composed enough to say, "You're safe." He looks up at Bakugo in time to see the blond's jaw tighten slightly, and nod in response.

"I'm safe." His voice is gruff, but soft. It's comforting. Red eyes never leave him as Bakugo repeats back, "You're safe."

Something about the way he says that causes Kirishima to inhale sharply, as little flashes play in his head. Katsuki's there with him. They're both younger. They're in a dorm. Neighbors? Late night. Shared beds. Curled up next to one another. His bed one night. "You're safe," He says. Nightmares. Katsuki's breathing erracticly. "I'm safe," Katsuki exhales. His bed another night. More nightmares. "You're safe." He says again. Katsuki reaches for his hand. "I'm safe," Katsuki replies. Katsuki's bed now. New nightmares. He's the one trembling this time, he's the one unable to breathe properly. "You made it, Eijirou. You helped Fat." Katsuki murmurs. Foreheads pressed together. "You're safe." The mental image of a flurry of punches, of a man in a yellow hoodie suffering. "You're safe." Reassurance. Fingers dig into the back of Katsuki's shirt. "I'm safe," he replies shakily. Katsuki shifts. They're reaching for each others' hands. "I'm safe."

"I..." Kirishima's voice trembles, and he swallows. "I'm... safe."

The reaction from them both is instant. For Bakugo, it's like the tension in his strings have snapped, and he finally allows himself to breathe, his shoulders slumping slightly, his eyes closing momentarily, but his hand never waivers in its grip of Kirishima's. For Kirishima, it feels as though a door has been opened, and Katsuki's waiting for him on the other side. Like a dam has burst, cracking under the pressure built up inside. His grip too, never waivers.

"I'm safe." Kirishima repeats again, reassurance and support and comfort and trust and an amalgamation of so many different feelings bubbling up from inside of him. It's almost overwhelming, the tears pouring down his face seemingly endless in their flow. "I'm safe, Katsuki."

He hears Bakugo mutter a soft 'fuck' under his breath, before the blond gets up from his chair, sliding into the hospital bed next to Kirishima, never letting go of his hand the entire time. Kirishima doesn't hesitate to slide to one side of the bed to give Bakugo some room, the two of them barely able to fit on the single bed together. Neither seems to mind though, as Bakugo gets under the covers, their bodies slotting next to each other damn near perfectly, and only once they've settled do they let go of each others' hands. Bakugo's quick to clutch onto the front of Kirishima's hospital gown, and press his head against his shoulder, and as Kirishima looks down, he notices the subtle shake of Bakugo's shoulders, notices the hushed sniffles, the attempts to steady his breathing. Kirishima wastes no time in wrapping his arms around the other male, rubbing one hand up and down his back reassuringly.

Bakugo seems to settle after a few moments, and unlike the awkward silences that happened previously, this one is far more tolerable, comfortable, almost.

Resting his chin atop Bakugo's head, Kirishima speaks. "...What are we, exactly?" His voice is gentle, and while his hand has ceased rubbing Bakugo's back, both his thumbs brush circles at his shoulder blades. "You're... important. I know that. You feel safe, comforting. Like home." Bakugo huffs a laugh, and Kirishima can feel the reverberations from the action under his hands. "But you're more than that, aren't you? Honestly, if you had asked me like, 10 minutes ago, I woulda said we were like, cousins or something, but--"

"Cousins?!" Bakugo rears his head back, and for a moment, Kirishima fears someone has switched out the Bakugo from moments ago with a demon or something with how angrily flabberghasted he looks. "Your dumb ass fucking thought we were cousins?!"

Kirishima raises his hands then, laughing awkwardly as Bakugo glares up at him. "Mina was talking to me about best friends, but mentioned some people named Sero and Kaminari, not you! She only mentioned you after! And the doctor only kicked out Mina when she said she only wanted family in the room! And we both have red eyes, apparently! I'm sorry, its not like--"

"Augh, shut up!" Bakugo groaned, leaning up to knock his forehead against Kirishima's. "Goddamnit, Eijirou, I'd ask you to remind me why I love your dumb ass, but you wouldn't know how to answer, would you?"

Love. Kirishima's eyes go wide at the spoken word, and that something inside of them that was wanting to get out - regardless of the semi-sated state it'd fallen into after the two curled up next to each other - feels like it'd finally been freed. Like a bird let loose from it's cage, Kirishima's heart fluttered in his chest, his mouth tearing into a wide, toothy grin.

Bakugo watches as the pieces seem to fall into place for Kirishima, and grins himself. "We're engaged, idiot. You fuckin' proposed to me several months ago, even though we agreed neither one of us would make any big purchases because we're trying to save for our own Hero Agency. But you went behind my back and surprised me, not lettin' me be the one to fuckin' propose because you're a sentimental bastard."

Kirishima can't help the way a warmth blooms in his chest, upon his face. He can't suppress the laugh that bubbles out of him, gently pressing his forehead against Bakugo's as the blond rolls his eyes with a smirk. "For all those angry sounding words, I'm guessing you weren't that upset," Kirishima manages to get out in between breaths of laughter, "since you apparently said yes."

With a 'tch!', Bakugo moved one of his hands to shove Kirishima's face away from him, though there was no real force behind the action, and he moreso just smooshed Kirishima's face than actually pushed him away. "Real snarky talk, comin' from someone who can't remember in the first place." There was a brief moment where Kirishima tensed at Bakugo's words, feeling guilty that the blond was right; That he couldn't remember proposing in the first place. He realized Bakugo must have noticed, because the hand that had been smooshing his face twitched, before pulling back some. "Fuck, Ei, I--"

A sad smile tugged at Kirishima's lips then, and he moved one of his hands from Bakugo's back to grab at the hand that Bakugo had been pulling away. He heard Bakugo's breath hitch as they hands slipped into one anothers' easily, and as Kirishima pulled them towards his lips, brushing his lips gently against Bakugo's knuckles. He looked up at Bakugo upon hearing the blond exhale, red eyes meeting red. "It's fine, Katsuki." Everytime he said the blond's name, it was like his heart would skip a beat. It felt good, felt right, felt so much more natural than simply 'Bakugo'. "You'll help me remember, won't you?"

Bakugo's eyes go wide at that, before his brows furrow and a look of fierce determination burns brightly in his expression. "What kind of fucking question is that?" He half-growls, before lowering their hands from Kirishima's face and quickly crashing their lips together. Kirishima's suprised at the action, but finds himself easily falling into it, as Bakugo secures his grip in Kirishima's, holding onto it like a lifeline, and moves his free hand to hold the back of Kirishima's neck. Kissing Bakugo is like saying the blond's given name; it feels right. Feels like home.

But Kirishima's quick to pick up on the desperation in the kiss, on an urgency, an insistency that begins to set a worried flame alight in his gut. He breaks the kiss and opens his eyes, slightly breathless as his gaze falls upon Bakugo's face.

Katsuki's crying.

Its not a body wracking sob like Kirishima himself had been letting out earlier, it's calm and silent, aside from the faint trembling Bakugo seems to be attempting to suppress and the small tears slowly making their way out of closed eyes. Kirishima's quick to let go of Bakugo's hand to instead cup the side of his face, his thumb brushing away the tears that fall near it. "Katsuki?"

Bakugo leans into the touch, but his lips curl in on themselves, and he shakes his head slightly. He breathes out of his nose, quiet for a few seconds before speaking. "... I thought I fuckin' lost you, Eijirou." His voice is soft, so goddamn soft. It's soft and vulnerable-sounding and shaky and everything in Kirishima's brain is saying is not very Katsuki. Bakugo's eyes open then, and Kirishima's stomach churns at the desperation that's hidden behind a forced mask of faux intimidation. "If you ever put me through the same hell that the past damn near 36 hours have been ever again, I'll fuckin' kill you myself, got it?"

Kirishima finds himself nodding, lips wobbling as he recalls the memory of Katsuki yelling out his name as he passed out in the blond's arms, of the tears the blond shed, the twisted, tense expression he wore. He recalls Mina's words about how badly he was injured, about how long he was in surgery, about how Katsuki was apparently a mess the whole time. How he'd apparently been unconscious for over 24 hours. Kirishima shifts then, the movement awkward as he pulls his other arm out from under Bakugo, but he's quick to place that hand on the other side of Bakugo's face. "Katsuki..." Kirishima leans in, presses their lips together gently for a brief moment before pulling away, though Bakugo's quick to chases after him, insistent on another peck of a kiss, and another, and another. Kirishima eventually pulls away though, if only slightly. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Every fucking time I'd close my eyes, I'd see you coughing up blood in my arms." Bakugo's eyes are closed again, his head shaking slightly from side to side as he spoke. "I'd see you pass out, you going fucking limp in my fucking arms, and--" He cuts himself off, brows furrowing as his nose scrunched. "I shoulda noticed those kids before then, shouldn'ta let that damn villain catch me off guard, shouldn'ta--"

"Katsuki--"

"They said you had a goddamn seizure in the operating room." Bakugo's breathing has become somewhat ragged by this point, and the hand of his that Kirishima had previously been holding moves up to grab one of Kirishima's wrists. "They said that if it wasn't for the fact that your hardening had at least managed to reach the base of your neck, then the impact mighta fuckin'--"

Bakugo's cut off by Kirishima's lips pressing against his, gentle in their empathetic insistence. Whatever words the blond was going to say died in his throat as he kissed Kirishima back, grip on his wrist tight. Upon feeling Kirishima's thumbs brush away at his gradually slowing tears, Bakugo pulled away, cursing softly under his breath, nudging his forehead against Kirishima's as he opens his eyes. "Eijirou, I--"

"Tell me tomorrow." Kirishima murmurs softly, shaking his head ever so slightly. "Dr. Higurashi said she'd tell me about my injuries and stuff tomorrow after a few more tests, so tell me then. For now..." He pulls his hands away then, using his arm to wrap back around Bakugo, hugging him close, "I just wanna lay here, holding you."

A huff of a laugh escapes Bakugo then, and he pulls his head away from Kirishima, slotting it instead snugly on Kirishima's shoulder, his temple pressing against Kirishima's neck. He stays silent though, a notion Kirishima doesn't argue or press against, and the two fall into an eased state, tangled up in each other. There's a brief thought in Kirishima's head of 'The hospital staff would probably prefer Katsuki be in his own bed', but 1) Kirishima doesn't want the blond to leave his arms, and 2) he figures should totally be fine since they're engaged, right?

One of Kirishima's hands moves upwards to the back of Bakugo's head, threading his fingers through the other male's hair. He hears a hum of contentment leave Bakugo, and smiles to himself, leaning the side of his head against the blond's. After a moment, Kirishima speaks. "... Hey, Katsuki?" A grunt of acknowledgement is all the response he gets from Bakugo, but its half-hearted, and Kirishima can't tell if Bakugo's even fully awake or not. Regardless, he continues. "If one good thing came out of this," he says with soft smile, "its that I get to fall in love with you all over again."

Bakugo tenses in Kirishima's hold, and pulls away from his spot to look at fiancé. There's a vibrant flush of color spread along his cheeks, all the way to the tips of his ears, and his expression is contorted into a flustered mess, though its apparent he's actively trying to keep it schooled and steely. Its enough to jar Kirishima just a slight bit, and he opens his mouth to say something, but Bakugo beats him to the punch.

"You absolute bastard." He says, the corners of his lips fighting against the urge to curl upwards in amusement. "You sentimental-ass motherfucker." He's visibly losing the fight, shaking his head as his body trembles, though whether its out of amusement or frustration, Kirishima can't fully tell. "You fucking--" Bakugo finally gives in to the urge to laugh, the sound soft and in the back of his throat. "I can't believe you."

Kirishima finds there's a bright smile tugging at his own lips, and soon he's laughing as well, the two of them tangled up in each other, in their own little bubble of comfort, if only for the time being.

"I can't believe I love your dumb ass." Bakugo groans through a smile, shaking his head before nuzzling back into his previous position, pressing a kiss to Kirishima's neck. Kirishima just laughs, and pulls the covers up on them a little more, snuggling up against both the bed and Bakugo. He wants to stay up longer, wants to spend more time talking with Katsuki, holding and feeling and experiencing Katsuki, wants to prolong the inevitablility of the morning's coming, of the solemn seriousness that's going to come with the beginning of his road to recovery.

But he knows one thing.

He trusts Katsuki to be there with him every step of the way. He trusts Katsuki to always have a hand out for him, to help him when he needs it. He might not have his memories, but there is one thing he's absolutely sure of. His trust... his faith in Katsuki? It's solid, it's steadfast, it's resolute.

It's unbreakable.

It's unwaivering.

#Krys Writes #My Hero Academia #KiriBaku #Eijirou Kirishima #Katsuki Bakugo #Mina Ashido

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just-random-imagines · 4 years

Text

It’s Ok

IMAGINE: Dating someone can get a little hard when someone doesn’t like your boyfriend. But you and Bucky can get through it, right? WORD COUNT: 3.6k WARNINGS: Trauma, a little cliché but hey you’re a teenager in most of this

"What the hell is wrong with you dad?" You spit at your father. "Bucky was hoping he could come over to the house one fucking time and have a civil conversation, and you had to ruin it!"

"I don't like that boy." He responded, crossing his arms as he glares at you.

"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE? I LIKE HIM! HE MAKES ME HAPPY!" You retort angrily, quickly glancing out the window. You watched the dust continue to settle where Bucky had driven away.

"Hello, sir." Bucky greets your father, straightening himself the moment he saw the older man as walks into the house.

"Barnes..."

At that moment, you walk out of the kitchen. "Hiya, dad." You say nervously. He wasn't due home for another thirty minutes. He had caught you in the middle of preparing an enjoyable meal for the three of you.

"What's going on here?" He asked, zeroing in on your boyfriend.

As Bucky struggles for an answer, you step in. "We're making (Favorite Dish)."

"Why?"

"Well sir," Bucky begins. "Y/N thought it'd be a swell idea to throw a dinner and just have a friendly conversation."

Your father walks past the both of you, stepping into the kitchen and taking in the food being prepared. You and Bucky approach him nervously.

"I suppose."

Long story short, the dinner didn't go as you thought it would.

Your dad kept asking embarrassing questions, then bringing something up from Bucky's past. It was hard not to scold your father. Whenever Bucky got irritated or embarrassed by a certain subject, he'd reach for your hand underneath the table and grip it.

This happened a lot.

Bucky left quickly after the food was gone, giving you a small kiss on the cheek before leaving in his dusty old pickup truck Steve's parents lent him before they died.

"You didn't have to be so rude." You whisper once you finally calm down. "You know how Bucky is with his father and the army. Why did you have to bring it up?"

"Because a true man can handle the harsher things in life."

"You're just saying that because you want him to feel weak!"

Growing tired of this never-ending fight, your father shut it down. "Enough! I don't want to hear another word about that Barnes boy. I expect you to end things with him. He's a troublemaker." And that was that.

Or so your father thought.

You and Bucky would always meet up in town, spending the day together before you'd go your separate ways. Your father would get suspicious, but you'd come up with the cleverest lies and convince him otherwise. It wasn't until Bucky's twentieth birthday, several months after the dinner; your father finally connected the dots.

He dragged you over to Steve's apartment where Bucky was staying, hell bent on kicking his ass. You and Steve tried stopping them, but it was useless. Like beating a sumo wrestler with a twig kind of useless. It wasn't until Bucky showed your father an application to join the army. It stopped him from attacking Bucky, but terminating your relationship with him.

It was hard for you to see him after that. He had already finished high-school, and it left you finishing senior year by yourself. Your father was strict with your rules about seeing Bucky, but he let it slide when it was time for him to go.

He had gotten accepted and now it was time for him and his squadron to be shipped out. Your father, out of what little kindness he had left in his heart, allowed you to say goodbye. It was hard letting him go. You broke down in silent tears the moment you took in his sharp uniform.

"Hey, doll." He smiled sadly; drinking in the sight of you. He didn't know when it would be the next time he'd see you again.

"Why are you doing this?" You ask him, grabbing his shoulders. "Is it for the money? Why? Why are you leaving me?"

Bucky gently removes your hands and holds them against his chest. "Y/N, baby. I ain't doing this for the money." He brings his lips against yours and kisses you sweetly.

"I'm doing this so I can prove to you, and your father that I can make something of myself. That I can be that guy who made a difference. That one guy who isn't labeled a troublemaker or a brainless oaf." He squeezes your hands encouragingly. "By the time I come back, I can prove to everyone here in this small little place, I can be the good guy. I can be the one to take care of you."

"But you don't need to do this!" You tell him, pulling your hands away to wipe your tears. "If anyone can't see how amazing you are, they can go screw themselves. I love you for the sweet man you are. You don't need to join the damn army to prove shit!"

"Y/N..." Bucky watches as you grow quiet. He wraps his arms around you and holds you close.

"I don't want to lose you out there," you mumble into his chest, most likely staining his uniform with your tears.

"I'll make sure he doesn't die out there," someone beside you says.

"Steve?" You say, lifting your head from Bucky's torso. "You're going with him?"

The short blonde smiles gently, watching as you pull away from Bucky to give him a hug. "Who's better than me to keep him out of trouble?"

"That's my line," Bucky says, drawing you into one last embrace. Your dad watches from afar as you two kiss goodbye.

Everything was all right at first. Every Friday, you would receive a letter from Bucky (And Steve!) talking about what had happened in the past week, not forgetting to mention how much he had missed you.

With the occasional joke here and there, he would always express his love for you in simple poetry. Then you would quickly send your own letter, equally expressing the love you shared and reminisced about the memories the two of you had.

For six months, things had gone smoothly. Then the letters slowly stop. For weeks on end, you wouldn't get a single letter. And when you did, it was quick and to the point.

Bucky and Steve had to go somewhere, and they couldn't send as many letters as they wanted to. Buck continued to say he loved you with all his heart, and he couldn't wait to come back home.

Weeks of silence had turned into months. It broke your heart to come home from school on Friday and receive no letters. Prom came around and you ended up going with your cousin, not wanting to ruin your relationship with Bucky just to have a romantic prom night. Graduation follows shortly after, and it saddens you to think you can't celebrate with James.

It's horrible. But then it happens.

Around the third week of college, almost three years after Bucky left, you came home to your father speaking with someone on your front porch. The soldier quickly spotted you approaching and ceased his conversation.

"Y/N?" The stranger questioned.

"Yes?"

"It's me!" The man carefully takes off his service cap and tucks it underneath his arm. "It's Steve!"

Warily glancing at the tall blonde, you think of ways to yell at him for being an asshole until you look into his eyes. The same blue beauties that belonged to your best friend.

"STEVE!" You're quick to engulf him in a hug but quickly retract. Blood roars in your ears as you become excited. If Steve was here, that meant Bucky was too.

"Where's James? I know he's hiding around here somewhere. If this is a ruse to scare me, I'll kick your ass, Rogers."

After looking around, you finally look to Steve, who at the moment doesn't look so excited. "Steve...?" Then you think of every horrible way a person could die in a war. None ease your worried mind as you ask your friend a single question.

"Is Bucky... Dead, Steve?" The gentle giant shakes his head but doesn't lose the solemn expression.

"No."

Your worry turns into confusion. "So where the hell is he?"

Your father, who you had forgotten about at the moment, spoke up. "We think it'd be easier to just show you..."

You stare through a large window. On one side, you stand with Steve and your father. On the other, a nurse hovers over a limp body lying in the hospital bed. She checks the respiratory ventilator and the tubes that go along with it. Once she finds everything in its place, she adjusts his IV line and leaves.

Walking out of the door, she catches your eye and gives you a sad look. It lasts only a moment until she leaves, but you know what just happened. She's seen this before. And it rarely ends well.

"How long has it been?" You ask quietly, returning your gaze to Bucky's figure.

"About a week." Steve replies, observing you. Your body tenses up as you close your eyes.

"What. Happened. To. Him?"

He explains how he and Bucky were traveling through Germany to pick up their mark holding government secrets when the train they were riding was shot at. Bucky had fallen out as he and the rest of the men started shooting back.

"It was a long fall." Steve choked out, letting out a few tears himself. "When the gunfire had stopped, we went looking for him. He lost a lot of blood when we found him."

Your shoulders steadily rise up and down as you attempt to stifle your cries. Your dad sees this and goes to comfort you. Just as his hand reaches your arm, you snap.

"YOU DID THIS! THIS IS YOUR FAULT! YOU MADE THIS HAPPEN!"

Both of the men look shocked as you yell. Hospital staff glances at the three of you but don't make a move to stop it. They've all witnessed it before.

You bring your hands down on your father's chest, weakly beating him. "HE WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT IF YOU HADN'T PUSHED HIM TO DO IT!" Steve has to pull you away, but you don't put up a fight. The moment he grabs you, all the fight leaves.

"I'll take them home, Mr. L/N," Steve promises, pulling you into Bucky's room. Your father soon leaves, taking a quick glance at you before scurrying over to Buck before leaving. Maybe it was his fault.

You don't notice him leave. Your only concern was Bucky.

You note the thin, straw-like tubes sticking out of his nose connecting and watch as his chest slowly moves up and down. You note the differences from when you last saw Buck.

His hair was longer and much stringier than before. He wore a trimmed five o'clock shadow that suited him nicely. He had a few light scars across his cheeks, but none that ruined his look. Gently running your fingers through his hair, your arm brushes against the left side of his body.

Something feels off. "What else happened to him?" You whimper.

Steve takes a deep breath through his nose and approaches his friend. His arm brushes against yours as he reaches for the edge of the blanket. He hesitates for a moment, before pulling the thin material back.

The lights shine off it for a second, blinding you momentarily. "What the...?" The metal prosthesis replacing his arm glints underneath the weak lighting. A red star painted on his shoulder. It matches its peer perfectly.

"He lost it in the fall."

The tears fall like rain as you reach out for Bucky. Steve rubs your back, but it doesn't calm you down much. Only James could help you relax. Finding your tears had somewhat subsided, you grab your boyfriend's flesh hand and squeeze it tight.

"Do they know when he'll wake up?" You croak, your voice scratchy from all your crying.

"Doctors say because of the blood he lost and the stress they put him through, it'll be four weeks at the most." You glance at Steve, showing him your red eyes before focusing on Bucky.

"I'll wait for you."

Turns out, you didn't have to wait long. Around a week after receiving word that Buck was in the hospital, he woke up. And you were right beside him when it happened.

The doctors allowed you to stay the past few nights while he recovered. Steve visited every morning and evening to bring fresh clothes and make sure you ate properly. The nurses greeted you in the afternoon as they changed the bedpan and checked his vitals.

While waiting for him to stir, you would talk about what happened. You knew things had changed with both Steve and Bucky.

They differed from the reckless young adults you originally knew them as. Steve was obviously bigger and taller than before, and Buck was more physically defined.

"They gave me a series of experimental drugs," Steve told you on the third day. "One doctor there took a liking to me and convinced the commander to 'work' on me. He gave me this special cocktail that he made from an assortment of chemicals and it changed me."

"What about Buck? Wouldn't you guys have given him a regular prosthetic? Why a metal one?" Steve watched as you played with Bucky's metal fingers, rubbing the cool knuckles as you watched him sleep.

"It wasn't actually us who found him first." He explained. "The Russians got him, patched him up. Hence the red star. We got him back by trading a prisoner we caught that was involved in one of our previous assignments."

You couldn’t imagine the pain he must have gone through. All alone with the enemy, spending his days behind enemy lines getting tortured. At least he was home, safe from the danger.

“It’s ok now,” you whispered, gently pressing a kiss to the prosthetic palm. “You’re gonna be ok.”

When he finally awoke, you weren't exactly prepared. Neither was he.

Bucky woke up gasping, unable to breathe. His lungs felt like they were on fire! He had been having a nightmare; he was falling from a great height. When he landed, these people found him and started experimenting on him.

They poked and prodded at him with knives and such. So much pain, so much screaming.

Falling back onto the bed, he drank in his surroundings. The smell of lemon disinfectant, the sight of colorless food, the feel of a paper gown. Bucky knew exactly where he was. Just to make sure, he glanced at his arm. The metal limb proved his theory.

"It's not a dream..." He muttered, closing his eyes. As he started reaching for the assist button, he finally noticed you, sleeping in a chair resting in the corner. "Hey, there doll." He called out softly.

You stir, but don't make an intention to get up. "Get up doll." He says louder. This time, you open an eyelid. At first, you don't react. You calmly close your eyelid before you quickly reopen both your eyes.

"BUCKY!" You shout happily, jumping up from the chair. The soldier braces himself for impact.

Your arms are quick to wrap around his neck as you pepper his face with kisses. He stops the attack by grabbing your hands in his own and squeezing them gently.

You're slightly surprised he can move his prosthetic arm like his original, but you don't think about it too much. "Calm down. I'm right here. I'm with you." The shock turns into happiness as you cry.

"You're here, you're actually here!"

"I am," Bucky responds, softly running his thumbs across the back of your hands. He removes one to cup your cheek. "You got more beautiful than the last time I saw you." His grin somehow stretches wider as you blush. "How the hell did you do that?"

"You're imagining shit, Barnes."

Bucky's large brown eyes take in your worn face, and he worries. Then he calmly slides over in his bed, mindful of all the wires and tubing, and pats the cleared area.

"Lay down with me, darling?" Bucky asks politely.

The way he asks and the sudden urge to sleep overcomes you, you can't say no. He lets go of you, allowing you to climb in next to him. His arms are quick to ensnare you once more, pulling you into this warm sanctuary.

"Sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. Then we can talk."

"You sure?"

The long-haired brunette smiles down at you gently, softly kissing your forehead. "I promise. I ain't leaving again for a long time."

The hospital was reluctant on letting Bucky go after a week of him waking up. Both of you had a sneaking suspicion they wanted to check out his new arm, but you luckily got him out of there.

Against the wishes of your father, you had started seeing Bucky again. It differed from before, I should add. He wasn't the same solo rebel you had grown to love.

He was more self-conscious about his figure now, always wearing jackets even when it was warm out. But his caring attitude stayed the same. Buck still loved you with all his heart. Your father still had a hard time accepting this.

You had moved out of the house a couple months after Bucky woke up, and the two of you bought an apartment together. To celebrate, your father had invited you over to have a nice dinner. After being convinced by Bucky, you had accepted.

The dinner started off smoothly. Then you excused yourself to go to the restroom. After washing your hands, you reached for a towel, only to find there was nothing. Not wanting to ruin your new shirt, you carefully leave the bathroom to grab a dish towel from the kitchen. To get over there, you needed to pass through the dining room.

As you approach, you suddenly hear your father speaking in a hushed tone.

"The game's up, Barnes. You're back home now. You don't have to put on a show anymore."

"It's not a show, sir," your boyfriend replied truthfully. "I love them."

"So why are you here then?" Your father demands. "If you love them so much, what are you trying to prove? Why do you need to seem like you're this perfect boyfriend?"

"Because I left them!" Bucky seemed to shout in a hushed voice. His voice drops to a harmless whisper: it's so soft you have to strain your ears just to hear.

"I left them all alone. I made Y/N suffer through hell and back because of a decision I made. I left so I could seem like a better man to you, but apparently it didn't!" He exclaimed quietly, not wanting you to hear.

"But thank God Y/N was still here for me. I honestly thought they would get fed up after waiting years for me, but they didn't; unlike you, they had faith that I was coming back to them, dead or alive. So now I'm done trying to please you, to stand up to your ridiculous standards. I thought me appreciating your child would be enough for you, making them happy, was enough, but apparently not."

His speech immediately gets you all riled up; there's an urge to yell in your dad's face. You hear a fork clinking against a plate before your father clears his throat. The action makes you wait.

"So you'd do anything to keep my little (Nickname) safe?" He asks Bucky seriously, clasping his hands together. Unbeknownst to you, Bucky was staring your father straight in the eye, clenching his own hands.

"Sir, I don't think you understood me at all." He looks to the direction of the bathroom before looking back at your dad. "I'd die if that's what Y/N wanted me to do. If it made them happy, I'd do it in a heartbeat."

There's silence until it's broken.

"Then I guess you can continue the relationship with my blessing."

It's then where you make yourself known. "Hi, guys!" You say cheerfully, pretending you hadn't eavesdropped on their conversation.

"What'd I miss?" You continue taking your seat next to Bucky. He smiles as he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you closer. He quickly presses a kiss against your lips before looking to your dad.

They share a look. "Nothing much, darling."

You never ask about the conversation, figuring it was none of your business. But honestly, it didn't matter. Your father finally accepted Bucky, Bucky loved you, and you were all happy.

It didn't matter what other people thought about the two of you anymore. Bucky was safe at home with you. That's the way it was meant to be.

#James Buchanan Barnes x Reader #James Buchanan Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes x Reader #Winter Soldier x Reader #Winter Soldier Imagine #Bucky Barnes Imagine #Marvel x Reader #Marvel Imagine #Sebastian Stan Imagine #Sebastian Stan x Reader

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