#i hate myself to the point that i think about killing myself once a week which is alot i think but i dont act on it bc im aware of what

[xamaxenta]

chemically i feel like i should be allowed to equalise ive suffered enough

#equalise how lol #not to be cringe and wax poetic or whatever bc woe is me and woe is like a constant state #but the lines in my face just look really sad ????? #like you know how people have laughter lines or smile lines dimples and stuff ? #im envious bc mine just look like exhaustion sadness and alot of ahem ragrets #i Didnt think id make it this far #i used to function on spite but i have nothing to fight for anymore because i just dont think its worth it? #it sucks #bitch where did you go huh #anyway therapy is expensive #and so is insurance #and insurance doesnt often cover mental health much in my country soooo #fuck us huh #BASICALLY i really fuckin hate myself but that is absolutely nothing new #i hate myself to the point that i think about killing myself once a week which is alot i think but i dont act on it bc im aware of what #that does to people

[tqmies]

Love Guard | Lee Chan

Description. Lifeguard Lee Chan is a pain in your ass, and you swear he's only picked up this job to ogle at girls in bikinis. Little did you know, the only girl he wants to look at is you — not that you'd ever let him tell you that though — Especially now that you're convinced he's in love with your co-worker.

Pairing. Lifeguard!Lee Chan x Lifeguard! Fem Reader

Warnings. Curse words, (Pretend) Drowning, Karina attempts to meddle, Fluff, Chan's so whipped, Swimming, E2L (One sided)

Word count. 9.2k (Oops?)

Note: Summer has been over but I couldn't help myself! Welcome to my first Seventeen fic! Not 100% sure if I like this one but feedback is always appreciated!

"Two weeks." You repeat to yourself, attempting to calm yourself by digging your fingers into the squishy material of the rescue tube you have strapped on. Only two weeks left until the local waterpark is closed for the year — and until you have to look for another job — but the point remains a positive one.

In exactly two weeks from now, you will be freed from your own personal hell in human form, otherwise known as Lee Chan. Even when he's not stationed at the same ride as you, he's always finding his way over in your general proximity, just like he is now.

He's chatting up a few girls who look gorgeous in their tight fighting bikini sets, and you just about scoff at how obvious he is. You and Karina are set at the wave pool right now, and you feel bad for whatever station Chan is supposed to be manning. Does he ever do his job?

Karina quirks her head, her long ponytail falling to her side. "I heard he was supposed to be with the flow rider."

Ah yes the flow rider, the stationary surfing machine that tiny children and older adults alike swear they can do. You've only had to operate it once, and let's just say you complained so much you never had to do it again. Just this once, you can understand why he wandered over to the other side of the park.

"Vernon probably took over and kicked him out." You shrug, knowing how serious the older male takes his job.

"I hope so." Your friend giggles, patting your shoulder as she walks away. You notice her hand on the whistle, she must've spotted a few kids running again, nothing out of the ordinary.

A few feet away, Chan is just about whining into these poor girls ears. He smirks at them. “Is she looking this way?”

The girl on his left — whose name Chan hasn't caught — glances over her shoulder and then turns back. “She’s not, she’s watching the pool.”

One of the other girls snorts. “Looks like she’s doing her job.”

"That makes one of us." Chan slumps dramatically before an idea pops into his head. (The girls swear they could see a lightbulb above his head in that moment).

Chan swivels into the water after he stood to his feet, the others awaiting his revelation. "Okay, I'm going to need one of you to pretend you're drowning."

"Drowning?!" The blonde girl's jaw drops. Chan doesn't see why he has to explain it though. They would simply pretend they were drowning, he'd jump in all heroic like, and save them. And in the process, you'd notice and commend him for being so cool.

Chan was a genius, he nodded to himself.

So after explaining the plan to girl's that he had just met today, well about twenty minutes ago, he's ready to get this show on the road. He's lucky the girls felt bad for him after he gave the typical sob story on how his crush hated him. Otherwise, they probably wouldn't have agreed.

The blonde girl submerges herself into the water, on purpose, as Chan prepares to take action. But first, he had to take his shirt off. Oh don't act so shocked, he's literally trying to get your attention! He's not above showing a little skin!

You don't even notice though, too preoccupied with watching some children jump on each other. You approach them and politely tell them to not attempt to kill each other under the water. You didn't even think that needs to be said but, this job surprised you every day.

However, the minute you turn around, you notice some arm's flailing around in the water. It was the area where Chan was just standing, but he's nowhere to be found now. Shit! You were going to have to act, and fast!

So you dive into the water, peeling your eyes open in the chlorine to find the girl. You reach her in record time, using your rescue buoy to grab her and pull her out. You lay her on the concrete, shaking her shoulders and gaining no response.

"Someone get me an AED!" You shout, preparing to begin CPR. Karina rushes to your side, asking any bystanders if they knew what happened and trying to gain more information about the situation. Thank goodness for her.

A crowd begins to form around you as you recall the CPR process in your head, ready to begin when you're abruptly shoved out of the way.

"I got it!" Chan explains, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. You're too stunned to reply so you just let him take the lead, watching his next moves in silence.

He barely starts to push on her chest when her eyes shoot open, and she begins coughing up imaginary water. You're a bit suspicious, but this was your first time dealing with an unconscious victim, guess you'd just been lucky so far.

She sits up as she starts talking, waving her hands around. "Don't call 9-1-1 or anything! I'm fine!"

Karina leans forward. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" The girl replies, before easily standing to her feet as she rushes out, her friends following behind her. They didn't even have their shoes on?

Chan watches them in defeat as you and Karina silently gape at each other. The girl had run away steadily, no signs of being disoriented for someone who had just been unconscious. It did all happen so fast though, maybe you weren't seeing things right.

Karina is the first to stand. "What just happened?"

You shake your head, your now wet hair dripping on you. "I don't even know."

Chan doesn't look as confused as you two though, but never mind that, you had a bone to pick with him first.

"And where the hell were you?"

Chan barely registers you speaking to him, as he's mentally recounting how his plan went awry. "I was getting my CPR keychain."

You want to bang your head against the ground. "You didn't have it on you?"

Hey, give him a break. He's human too! He forgets things sometimes, it can't be that bad! However, if he was going to convincingly look like he was saving the girl earlier, he had to have his keychain on him. Which is why he ran off looking for it...

"I left it in my locker." He mutters, rubbing the back of his neck.

"God, just put a shirt on Lee." You stand to your feet. "And please do us all a favor and stay in your station."

"So you acknowledge that you checked me out?"

You deadpan. "I acknowledge that you make my job harder because an old woman almost slipped on the shirt you threw off!"

Had he really thrown his shirt? He didn't even notice, your wording had to be a bit exaggerated.

You cross your arms as you head back to the other side of the pool, back into your comfy life guard chair. And preferably, as far away from Lee Chan as possible.

..

"Then he shows up like some fucking hero and interferes with me doing my job!" You state sarcastically, slipping your sweatshirt on as you stand by your locker. Screwing the cap back onto your water bottle, you sigh.

Minghao, your close friend who you never managed to get stationed with, just listens in mild amusement. "But he saved the girl, right?"

You shake your head as you gather your things. "I don't know if you could call it saving. It was weird, she just up and ran off."

Minghao giggles. "Are you sure she was drowning?"

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say no." You admit, the jingling of a lanyard behind you catching your attention.

"Okay, I'm heading out." Karina says as she holds her bag over her shoulders. Your brain is too busy trying to configure how she looks so cute after a full day at work. You were sure you looked as worn-out as you felt.

"MIngyu's still around here somewhere. And Seungkwan and Chan are still in the back, I saw them fighting with the pool nets." Karina continues, referring to the long wands used to skim the pools for bugs and dirt. Or worse, fecal matter.

Thankfully, that's usually not the case. Nevertheless, you're grateful that wasn't your job today. You did have to lock up though, meaning that you had to get the aforementioned boys up and out.

"I'll get Minghao to yell at them." You nod, and Minghao just laughs.

Back at the pool, Chan is currently shuffling his brain for another plan, one that won't fail this time. Honestly, it probably made you more angry at him than anything. "I have two weeks Kwan."

Seungkwan rolls his eyes. "Oh God."

"Two weeks to make her mine." Chan repeats, rubbing his eyes.

"You're delusional." His friend replies, picking up his own pool stick and heading to the main area. "Why don't you start with something simple, like driving her home first."

Chan perks up at that. "Wait, that's actually a pretty good idea!"

"Actually?" Seungkwan starts, but Chan is already racing past him, pool cleaning long forgotten. Though the older male still shouts after him. "I always have great ideas!"

Chan mentally prepares himself on the way there, stopping by one of the outside mirrors in the kids splash area to check his hair. Looking good, he thought.

"Hey," Chan speaks, approaching you and Minghao as he tries not to give the latter a death stare. He could never figure out what kind of relationship the two of you had, and that made him uneasy. Not that you owed him an explanation or anything, but it'd be nice to get some clarification.

All he knew was that you and Minghao applied for this job together and you'd been friends for a while. Chan also knew you spent your lunch breaks together at the snack bar, courtesy of his friend Mingyu's spying, and he knew he took you home everyday.

But those could all just be friendly gestures, right?

You ignore Chan's presence as you turn to close up your locker, not bothering to acknowledge him. Minghao does though, "You heading home?"

"Yeah, actually." Chan responds, eyes never leaving your figure. He calls out your name, to which you roll your eyes to. "What?"

He stands up straight, slightly puffing his chest out in an attempt to appeal more to you. Was it working? Probably...Not. "Can I drive you home?"

"Not a chance." You shoot down immediately, not a hint of hesitance in your voice. Oh, that was fast. But Chan knew this wasn't gonna be easy after all.

"I'll buy you food on the way." He offers, clinging to his last ounce of self respect before he gets on the floor to start begging. He was not above that when it came to you.

You cross your arms. "Are you insinuating that I can't buy my own food?"

Of course things were going this way, "That's not what I-"

You put a hand up to stop him, smirking. "Because you're right, this stupid job doesn't pay me nearly as much as I'd like."

Chan stays quiet, unsure of what to say next. Luckily, you continue for him, all in a condescending tone though. "Whatever Lee. Even though you're probably doing this just to feel better about yourself for being such an asshole all the time, I'll bite."

Minghao grimaces, had you always been this harsh? Well, he knows the younger male did you piss you off more than usual today. He knows in his rational brain that he probably shouldn't let this happen. But will he? Yeah.

Minghao gently grabs your arm. "Call me when you get home, okay?"

"Of course." You reply, and Chan watches you flash a smile reserved for your friends only. He knows that because never once had you directed that smile at him. This was soon to change, or so help him.

"You can go ahead, I'll get 'Kwan and lock up." Minghao nods and you thank him.

Chan's just about losing his mind though, Minghao was on a nickname basis with Seungkwan? What the hell? Did Seungkwan not know that Minghao was enemy number one ?! He had some words for him later.

Right now though, his main focus was you. Even in the horrible florescent lighting of the locker room, he thought you looked beautiful.

You, on the other hand, were getting the ick from seeing Kim Mingyu walk around with flip flops. That was going to be hard to move on from.

Just to be clear, you really weren't interested in relationships right now. And yes, you and Minghao were just friends, strictly platonic. However, with on slow days, you liked to occupy yourself with staring at Mingyu's prominent muscles. And honestly, who could blame you?

Chan redirects your attention to him. "So, where to?"

You roll your eyes. "You were the one who invited me out, and you don't know where we're going?"

He looks down. "McDonalds?"

So that's how you two end up in the drive-thru of the famous golden arches. Chan has a million thoughts running through his head, the main one being how he managed to get you in his car, willingly!

In another universe, Chan imagined that this would be your first date. He'd make you laugh, hold your hand, and maybe even get a kiss at the end of the night.

"Should I get a Coke or a Sprite?" You speak to yourself, pulling Chan out of his thoughts.

He straightens his posture. "Oh you should-"

"I wasn't actually asking." You roll your eyes, already mentally having decided in your head.

Chan shuts his mouth.

"You know, I'm really interested in hearing why you invited me out of a sudden." You say, leaning your head against his car window.

Chan's scrambling for the words. "I just wanted to talk."

"About?"

Chan breathes in, here goes nothing. "Well, we only have a few weeks left working at the park, and I kind of.. like this girl."

You narrow your eyes, knowing where this was going. "Oh lord, did you really drag me all this way to try to get me to set you up with Karina?"

Chan's eyes widen. What?! How did you get to that conclusion. Chan barely knew the other girl, much less liked her. In all honesty, he barely even paid her any mind, always too preoccupied with staring at you by her side. He rushes to deny it. "No-"

"You don't have to lie." You speak, rolling your eyes. "You took me here on a bribe so I could put in a good word with you."

Chan's so confused right now.

"Sorry but I think Karina's worth more than whatever you're getting me on the dollar menu." You spout sarcastically. "And anyways, why would I help set her up with you?"

Now, Chan has to speak up, because really? Was he that bad that you couldn't even imagine setting him up with a friend ? He's mildly offended, even if he could care less about her. It's more so that he's utterly infatuated with you, and he can't believe you don't see him as possible boyfriend material. "Huh? What's wrong with me?"

You narrow your eyes. "Well, for starters you're broke, lazy, and irresponsible. Oh, and stupid, immature, full of yourself-"

You were really laying it on thick, and Chan doesn't think he can take anymore stabs at his character without possibly jumping out of his car window. He interrupts, "Anything else?"

"I wasn't even done yet." You stop counting on your fingers. "Point is, you're not good enough for Karina."

He doesn't even care about who you're talking about anymore, he throws his hands up. "You don't even know that, you've never seen me on a date." Because you've never given me a chance, but he only speaks that last part in his head.

"I've seen your everyday character, that says more than enough."

Chans on the verge of ramming the car in front of him in line. "So what kind of guy would be good enough?"

You shrug. "Probably someone like Joshua."

"The manager?" Chan draws back, because were you referring to Karina's taste or yours? He was so lost right now. "He's like way too old."

You click your tongue. "I said someone like him. He's smart, soft-spoke, responsible, and he knows how to deal with conflict."

Chan grips his steering wheel. Yes, Joshua had his life together, but that's because he was older! Was that really what you were into? Chan might as well throw in the towel now. "It sounds like you want someone like Joshua."

"Maybe, I don't know."" You cross your arms in thought. "Well, he's kind of boring, can't be much fun dating someone like that."

So there is a drawback to perfectly stunning men like Joshua, or was he just saying that to make himself feel better? He'd have to ask Seungkwan for advice tomorrow. "Well-"

"Whenever you're ready." A voice takes over through the intercom. Chan hadn't realized he had already pulled up this far.

He didn't even know what he wanted, in fact this whole conversation made his stomach turn. Was he even hungry anymore?

However, you knew exactly what you wanted. But Chan's silent by the intercom so you do the only feasible thing to do, you unbuckle your seatbelt and lean over him. Climbing past the center console, you throw your body halfway out of the window and start reciting your order.

Unbeknownst to you, the male in the car with you was losing his mind. Why were you so close to him? Why did you smell so good? Why was your body basically on top of his (You aren't touching at all)? And Why did this feel so intimate?

You turn to him, still in the same position. "What do you want?"

Chan's face is red, and he's trying his best to stay cool, avoiding eye contact. "A burger."

"Which one?"

Poor guy can't think straight. "The normal one?"

You sigh, turning back towards the speaker. "And a Big Mac."

"I think Chan likes you." You speak, seeking refuge from the scorching hot summer sun under the tiny roof peeking out from the food stand.

Karina sips on her slushie, that's halfway melted, and grimaces. "No way."

You offer a tight lipped smile before shooting her glare. "Don't give me that look! Who wouldn't like you?"

Karina laughs. "It's not that I don't think he'd like me, it's that he doesn't."

"And how are you so sure?" You ask, adjusting the straw on your own slushie.

"Um, okay one, he's never held a conversation with me for longer than two minutes." She starts, placing her cup on the counter. Trying her best to stop the syrup from getting her hands all sticky.

You digress though. "That's because you make him nervous!"

"Two, we barely know each other."

"You haven't given him a chance." You tease, unaware of prying ears listening to your conversation. Give you a break though, honestly, it was too hot for all of this.

"Where did you even get this idea from?" She inquires in disbelief.

"Last night when he took me to McDonalds."

Karina's jaw goes slack. "You voluntarily went somewhere with him outside of work?"

Guess you had forgotten to mention that, oops. "He bribed me with food."

She narrows her eyes, suspicious but moving on anyways. "And then he told you he liked me?"

"No," You answer truthfully. "But he didn't deny it."

Karina shakes her head. "I think you're just desperate for some cute lifeguard-love-story to shake things up around here, and it's not going to work on me."

You giggle. "Whatever you say."

"You could have your own story if you just asked out Minghao already." She suggests meekly, despite knowing your constant insistence that there was nothing going on between you two.

"That's gross, I think I just threw up in my mouth."

"Yeah, I know." She teases before lowering her voice so only you can hear, and her eyes dart over to Mingyu making a hot dog. "But you could finally strike something up with mister beef cake over here."

You roll your eyes. "He's too hot for me, half the park wants him."

"He gives you free food."

You hush your friend. "He gives everyone free food!"

"You win this battle." Karina says, trashing her finished cherry drink. "But the war is far from over."

"Get back to your post, Yoo." You sigh, cleaning up the mess your melting treats made with a few napkins and discarding them.

Mingyu comes back to the front where you are after noticing you were alone, "Going back?"

You groan. "Unfortunately my break is over."

He offers a small chuckle, and all you think about is how good he looks. Especially since he's donning a sleeveless red shirt, matching the parks general colors, and you can see his arms in their full glory. No wonder you'd heard girls in passing giggle about how they wanted to take a bite out of the food stand guy, you saw the appeal.

Why couldn't he be a lifeguard? Just saying, it would be nice to see him without a pesky shirt sometimes. Oh you were so embarrassing.

"Have you seen Hao? I wanted to talk to him about something?" The male inquires but you shake your head.

"He called in today," You stand. "Said he felt sick, or some other kind of lie."

"He's not sick?"

"Judging by his Instagram stories on a boat?" You quirk your head. "I'd say no."

MIngyu laughs at your humor, and you're flashing that pretty smile again, and Mingyu's feeding right into it. Are you two flirting?!

Chan hates it!

Not your smile, no he could never hate your smile. But he hates how he's never once gotten to see it aimed at him. Yet here you were, chatting it up with Mingyu? Did the nuggets he bought you last night mean nothing? He thought they were a great symbol of his undying love for you!

Vernon looks unimpressed. "Stare at him any longer and you might just burn a hole through him."

Chan narrows. "That's the plan"

Vernon's bored. "Okay, this is getting weird."

"I just don't get it, what does she even see in guys like Joshua? Or Mingyu?" Chan crosses his arms.

"Maybe because they do their job-" Vernon tries to get his station partners attention back.

But Chan's having none of it. "Yeah right, look at Mingyu! He's flirting on duty!"

"He just runs the food stand, in his defense. Half the time isn't he helping you spy on her and Minghao?"

"Well it seems like he's playing for the other team right now, standing there and talking to my girl!"

"Your girl." Vernon repeats, shaking his head in disbelief as he mocks the younger male. "You're ridiculous."

Chan stays rooted in his place. "I can't even believe-"

"Hey, Chan right?" A voice plucks him out of his plotting to kill Mingyu (Okay, maybe killing was extreme, but at the very least he was going to jump him. Eh, that might be a little too much as well, he was still technically Chan's friend. Maybe he could-)

Oh wait, someone was talking to him, and he should probably respond. "Yeah that's me."

"Oh, well I'm Karina." The girl introduces herself as Chan finally gets to take a look at her. He knew who she was, everyone did, but the two had rarely a few words to each other before now, if anything.

He adjusts his sunglasses, eyes barely moving from you and Mingyu. He had to make sure Mingyu didn't try anything. This was a matter of national security! "Nice to meet you, I guess"

"What's up Karina?" Vernon asks, trying to break up this weird tension as he saw how Chan effectively ignored you.

Karina places her hand on her hip. "I'll just be straight forward, someone told me that Chan had a little thing for me, but I know that's not the case, even though she's entirely convinced."

Chan's irritated. "What?"

"I'm not blind, Chan." Karina raises a brow. "I know you have a crush on her."

"Well yeah, could he be more obvious?" Vernon snidely remarks as Chan does his best to ignore his comment.

"So," Chan looks down, slightly dissapointed. "Did you come just to make fun of me?"

"No," She leans forward. "I've decided I'm gonna help you."

"Help?" Chan's taken back as he snaps his head up.

"Help?" Vernon parrots, though he sounds more confused.

She smiles. "Yup"

"Why?"

Karina stares at her perfectly manicured nails. "You're a decent guy. Good looking, nice enough, and I know you're trying your best."

Chan blinks, this was the complete opposite of what you had told him. Karina continues, "But mostly, it's because I can tell you really like her. And I think she deserves someone that'll treat her well for once."

"Well give it up," Chan sighs, wiping sweat from his brow. "Mingyu's about to propose to her anyways."

"Mingyu's not doing anything," Karina moves her hair. "He been standing there like a dweeb the whole time, completely oblivious to everyone around him."

"And she still likes him more than me."

Your friend glares at the male. "Well this isn't going to work if you're going to be so negative."

"Karina," He turns to her. "Honestly, what's the point? She wants nothing to do with me."

"Because she's blind, she can't see how much you like her."

"So, what should we do?" Vernon pipes in, surprisingly intently following the situation.

"We have to prove to her how much you like her!"

"And how can I do that?"

"Don't worry, I have that part covered."

...

"And then he threw up right next to the trashcan." Jeonghan — one of the new hires — finishes venting to you about one of the kids on the waterslide he was manning.

"Swear there should be some kind of law forbidding kids from eating four hotdogs and then getting on a ride that sends you spinning." You sympathize.

"Or people could just have more common sense." Jeonghan comments, before his eyes drift off somewhere else. "Is that Karina talking to Chan?"

Your eyes widen as you try to follow his line of sight. "What? Where?"

"Over there." Jeonghan points with his head, towards the bathrooms.

Sure enough, leaning on the bricks outside the bathrooms, was your friend talking to Lee Chan. Had he finally gained the courage to talk to her? And oh no, was she actually reciprocating?

"I didn't know they were friends." Jeonghan breaks the silence.

"They're not." You raise a brow. "I think he likes her."

Jeonghan looks at you like you've grown three heads. "You're joking right?"

You shrug, "Why would I be joking?"

"Everyone knows that he-" Your friend stops himself before waving you off. "Never mind, you wouldn't believe me anyways."

"Believe what?"

Jeonghan snickers. "Nothing."

You're eager to press on more about whatever he was talking about but the manager, Joshua, asks if you and Jeonghan can get showered already so you can all head out.

By the bathrooms, Chan's about to start throwing a fit. "She looked over here once!"

Karina pats his shoulder lightly. "We'll get her next time. For now, I'll just have to feed her a great narrative of you until she realizes she wants you for herself."

Chan looks down. "This is hopeless."

"Holy shit, where is Chan?" Minghao complains, but you show no sympathy as he was seemingly having the time of his life yesterday.

You shrug, adjusting the strap of the bathing suit you had just put on. "Don't know, don't care."

Your friend tsks. "At least we get out early today."

You shake your head. "Doesn't matter, Joshua's forcing us into that work bonding thing."

MInghao groans, resting his forehead against the steel locker. "I forgot about that, what's the point again? We've had plenty of time to bond already."

"It's mandatory if we want that last paycheck." You remind him and he sighs.

He grabs a bottle from his locker and uncaps it. "Can you put sunscreen on me?"

You nod, it was a normal occurrence, and usually no one batted an eye. Even as you rubbed it into his face, too close for it to be considered just friendly, you know it's all platonic.

Chan on the other hand, isn't so sure.

Him and Karina were walking up the gravel path and the scene hits him before he walks into the area. "H-He's rubbing sunscreen on her back!"

Karina tries to calm him. "They do that for each other all the time."

"Then why does it look so romantic!"

"You're overthinking!"

"Seungkwan rubs my sunscreen in! Why don't you do it for her?!"

"I always get here late!" She defends. "Anyways, this isn't about me, we need to get in there!"

You're instantly drawn to Karina and Chan loudly entering, and it seems the two have gotten close over the past few days.

"Hey guys," Minghao greets and they offer him a hello back before opening their lockers.

"Chan," Karina speaks louder than her normal volume as to draw your attention. "Could you help me put on sunscreen? Can't reach my back today."

Chan nods, grabbing the bottle from her hands and slowly helping her rub it in. He wants to make sure you looking too, and how he's one hundred percent sure he can do it better than Minghao can.

"Uh Rina," You speak before you all head out.

"Yes?" She responds, hoping for you to say something about Chan.

"You have a couple white streaks on your back." And you grimace at Chan's poor job of doing something as simple as rubbing sunscreen in. "Do you want me to-"

"No! No," Karina laughs at her outburst. "Um, I'm sure Chan can help me fix it."

You almost flinch.

"Right, Chan?" Your friend grits her teeth so the male could take the hint.

"Oh, right!" He catches on and then vigorously continues to rub the cream into her skin. He's a little too aggressive with it.

"Ow- um, okay!" She lets out. "I think I'm good now."

You stop, "Okay..."

Chan scurries off, and he realizes he actually needs to get his own swim trunks on, and for heavens sake, where is his first aid whistle?!

You two walk away, you picking at your nails as you dread the day ahead. Your friend needs to break the silence. "So, you're staying today?"

"I wish I had a choice." You grovel.

"I feel you."

You catch the time on one of the parks various clocks. "We open in five."

Your partner nods at the reminder, continuing to with you just out of the sight of the boys and any other listeners. "So, what do you think of Chan? Isn't he sweet?"

You're taken aback. "Is this you trying to get my approval?"

"No.."

"Because you could do way better."

She almost stops in her tracks. "What?! But Chan has lots of redeeming qualities."

You feel like this is a prank. "Like?"

"Well he's nice, a good listener, and-"

"Oh, you got it bad." You interrupt.

She's about to start swinging. "No, you know he's not my type."

You frown. "So you're leading him on?"

Karina deadpans. "We're just friends, but all I'm saying is, uh, he's not a bad guy!"

You almost stop walking. "Right..."

She speaks again, trying her best not to seem pushy. "You know, I think the two of you have a lot in common, you could be good friends."

Before you can even respond, someone is yelling your name across the park, and its too early in the morning for that.

Though your face softens when you realize its Mingyu beckoning you over. You tell Karina you'll meet her at your station and separate. She was acting kind of odd anyhow.

"Mingyu," You approach him, the shade now concealing your face as you take a seat on one of the chairs. You try to keep your eyes from wandering, mainly to his exposed arms. "What's up?"

He smiles' bashfully, leaning on the counter. "Well, I've been wanting to ask you this for some time,"

You can sense he's a little nervous, so you nod your head. "What is it?"

"Could I maybe..." He trails again, before closing his eyes in mental preparation. "Have Karina's number?"

You gape like a fish out of water, doing your best to conceal your light disappointment. "K-Karinas number?"

"Well yeah, I'm interested in her. Unless she's seeing someone." He stumbles on his words.

You tilt your head. "Not sure, maybe you should ask Chan."

"Chan?" Mingyu almost laughs. "He doesn't like her like that."

You grimace at that. Had Chan been telling everyone that he didn't like Karina, when clearly he had been acting the opposite? Sure, she didn't like him back but, for him to be saying things like that was a low blow. "Did he tell you that?"

"Huh, what?" Mingyu looks confused. "Well, not directly. Though, It wouldn't make sense because he already likes someone."

You wave him off. "Doesn't matter, either way, you should ask her yourself. I really can't give you her number on my behalf." You explain, feeling kind of bad, but keeping a peppy voice.

"You think she'd give it to me?"

You smile. "You'll never know if you don't try."

Watching, once again, a few feet await is Lee Chan. He's using all his self control not to rip the foam tube in his hands apart, but Vernon brings him back to earth, or more like back to helping him tie up the obstacle course in one of the pools.

Even as he's experiencing red-hot jealously from watching you interact with his friend, he can't help but admire how pretty you were. You somehow managed to make that stupid visor look cute. And trust me, Chan thought no one could make that hat look cute.

If Chan was anyone else, he probably would've given up on his painful crush by now, but Chan wasn't anyone. He's not sure where his liking for you started, maybe it was that first day you joined. Looking all pretty as you stood next to Minghao and introduced yourself. Chan had overheard from Joshua that you had impressive swim skills, and you had a crazy dedication for your job.

It was a few weeks before he even got to interact with you. You were pretty much attached at your friends hip, taking a minute to warm up to the others. You had gotten partnered with Karina for a ride once and she helped you get along with the rest of the staff pretty well.

That's not how you first knew of Chan though.

No, that was a while later. One hot day a few years ago, when Chan was still scrawny and more awkward with girls. He had finally had a chance to grab a slushie, opting for the purple mystery flavor that rested in the machines. (Chan thinks it was a result of a machine that hadn't been cleaned, so it really just tasted like a mixture of all the flavors.) Anyways, he happened to be in a hurry due to him chatting with Mingyu for well over his break.

Which meant he booked it to the other side of the park.

Which consequentially meant that he wasn't watching where he was going. This meant that his slushie met an unfortunate end on your lifeguard bathing suit. And all over the floor.

Now, you were testing patience at the time. This was a new job, plus it was an accident, you could forgive the guy. You also didn't mind that he was pretty cute.

That was until he ran.

Look, in Chan's defense, you made him so nervous. You were so much prettier up close! He stood there frozen for a few minutes, stuttering and thinking of ways to apologize. So he did the only viable thing to do, he ran to the bathrooms to fetch napkins!

Only, he didn't say a word so you thought he literally just ran off to avoid conflict - which wasn't even happening in the first place!

After that, you dubbed Lee Chan someone to avoid. He obviously left you in a mean spirited haste, a deep purple stain blotched all on the front of your uniform. You figured he had a good laugh about it too!

Chan regrets it everyday, why didn't he just act like a normal human?! Why did he have to make things harder for himself?!

By the time Chan had returned, you were long gone. You had ran to the bathroom on the verge of tears, basically abandoning your post and leaving Minghao to run after you.

So if anyone asked, you'd say that your distaste for Lee Chan was completely valid.

...

"Great work today team." Joshua addresses you all, clapping his hands together before placing them on his hips. "I'm really proud of you all today."

"Which is why you should let us go home." Jeonghan pipes up from behind you in the cluster of a group, smiling hopefully.

Joshua laughs sarcastically. "But then you'd miss all the fun!"

The smile dies on Jeonghans face as Joshua starts recanting the same little group seminar tips he gave last year. And the year before that.

Then he waves a hand out. "I've noticed that there's been some tension on the team lately, so we're going to heal that with some bonding time!"

Karina stiffens beside you, leaning in to whisper. "I'm already bored."

You giggle a bit as Joshua starts pairing up teams for an obstacle course through the park. Normally, you wouldn't care, that was until Joshua cited a twenty five dollar Starbucks gift card awarded to the winner. Oh, he had your attention now.

"Karina, I know you don't talk to Jeonghan a lot so you're with him!" Joshua says esthetically, while you sigh at losing two possible partners. Well, there was still Hao.

"Minghao and Vernon."

Well there goes that.

You finally are graced with the call of your name but are immediately shot back down to earth when the accompanying name leaves your managers lips. "..And Chan."

You immediately step up in protest. "Are we allowed to switch partners?"

Chan frowns but regains a bit of hope as Joshua shakes his head. "Nope, sorry but I have to be firm with this. In fact, you two are the tension I was referring to earlier."

"Are you kidding?"

Joshua narrows his eyes, gripping his clipboard. "Do I look like I'm kidding?"

"Joshua, with all due respect, there is no tension! It's just Chan being an idiot!" You complain, widening your eyes.

Ouch, Chan thinks. That went straight to his ego.

Though your boss stands his ground. "I would just like you two to work together for once."

You scoff, muttering a string of curses under your breath which Joshua pretends not to hear, Chan does as well. For the sake of his pride.

Your manager finishes reading the names off of the paper and announces the commencement of the challenge, which you could be less than excited about.

"For this activity, one of you is going to be blindfolded. This will help strengthen the trust you two have in each other."

Trust? You and Chan just looked at each other after you were handed the blindfold. You didn't even know what the objective of the game was yet.

"Part of this activity is deciding who will be blindfolded amongst yourselves." Joshua continues, rubbing salt into the wound.

"Well-" You begin, about to start arguing when Chan holds his hand out. He can see that you're definitely uncomfortable with the idea.

"I'll be blindfolded." He states.

"What?" He wasn't even going to fight you on it? "Really?"

He shrugs, trying to will his face from not turning red. "I trust you."

You blankly stare for a minute, trying to read a hint of humor or anything of that sort in his eyes. But you come up empty, his expression dead serious. You just handed him the blindfold, leaving him to fend for himself as he tied it around his eyes.

What did he mean he trusted you?

Karina finishes tying Jeonghan's when she turns back to your boss. "Now what?"

"You're going to lead them through the water course," Joshua smiles, although it seems a bit mischievous. He had to be getting a kick out of this. "The ones that come out first, and the most dry, win."

You gape, you were supposed to lead this grown ass man through the water course and not let him fall in?

"Lead your partner to the starting position, and then we'll begin."

You do a steady job at pushing at Chan's back to the finish line. You're less than enthusiastic about it though.

You line up among the others, knowing you'll probably come out of this ordeal soaking wet, and that's less than desirable.

The course is simple, lined up floating fuzzy blocks paced in a pathway like structure. Then you have to follow up a little climb of inflatable stairs. Then back down to the finish line. Easy enough right?

Chan's shaking right now, he's not looking forward to falling in and possibly being left to drown — as if he's not in the prescence of a group of lifeguards right now — as if he's not one himself.

He's still scared though, give him a break, he can't see!

He hears the sound of a whistle and you begin pushing at his back, leading him onto the first block. The weight of you two displaces the block, and you can feel the other block getting further.

"Okay, move about two inches onto the next block, don't fall." You instruct him and he follows, waving his foot around until he feels the safety of the makeshift ground.

You jump onto it after him, "The next one is directly in front."

And you're pleased as he lands right on it. The two of you are ahead of some of the others as well, Seungkwan already having fallen into the water, and Vernon still on the first block as Minghao tries to encourage him to move already!

"The next one is far, so I'm going to go ahead of you. I'll grab your hand after and pull you, alright?" You explain and Chan nods.

You do as you said and then hold your hand out, grabbing his palm and pulling him so the blocks float closer together. He carefully makes the step and you cheer a little in your head.

You only had one more block, then the stairs, and you were home free. You could practically taste your drink now.

Well, maybe if Chan hadn't almost fell over.

You grab both of his arms in an attempt to stop him, and you catch him just in time. He winces at the prospect of falling, and you squeeze him. "I'm not going to let you fall, okay? I've got you."

Chan's glad he can't see you, because then he'd bear witness to you noticing the growing redness of his face. And if he had to acknowledge it, then he'd jump into the water himself.

You two successful make it to the last block and you cheer, the others having more trouble with their team work behind you. The others seem to be having a hard time due to lack of trust in their guiders.

You notice that Chan had trusted completely in everything you had said, even though you knew he didn't want to splash in the pool.

You stare at him for a minute, and he starts talking. "Uhh, aren't we supposed to keep moving"

You shake your thoughts from your head. "Up the stairs now, I'll lead you, just hold my hand."

Before you know it, the two of you had made it to the end. You take off Chan's blindfold as you announce your victory. Throwing your arms around Chan as you celebrate. "We won! We beat those suckers."

"Those suckers are right here!" Karina says, panting as she comes down the stairs. She's wet, pulling a much dryer Jeonghan behind her.

You keep your hands around Chan as Karina explains. "He stepped back on the block and basically pushed me off on accident."

You giggle at that, face on a few inches from Chan as he tries not to combust. Lord, he was so in love with you. Your pretty eyes as they crinkled while you let out the prettiest laugh.

Karina notices and she lets out a smile. He really did like you, anyone could see it in his eyes.

You don't notice though, sliding your hands off of Chan as you jokingly tease Karina. "I won the card! I won the card."

Jeonghan pulls off his blindfold just in time for you to see him roll his eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

Chan insisted you made a night of spending the card together. You didn't mind, telling him you'd meet him there after your much needed shower.

So here you sat in the Starbucks lobby, awaiting Chan as you had the card and he had already passed you his order. You tapped away on your phone as you hear the chime of the door and you hear someone sitting across from you.

You don't mind his presence, weirdly, you felt he was really vulnerable with you today. While it likely didn't mean much to him, it had you overthinking everything.

"Here's your drink, it just came out." You speak first, pushing the cup towards him.

Chan thanks you and drums his fingers on the side of the cup. "You know, I think this is the longest we've been together without you saying you hate me or something."

You shrug. "It's hard to be mad in a Starbucks. Place smells like heaven, plus you showed out in the game today."

He waves you off. "It's easy to trust you, we've known each other for long."

You snort. "More like you've bothered me for so long."

"Oh, admit it. I make your job more interesting. If it wasn't for me constantly causing a scene then you'd be bored out of your mind."

"I guess you have a point." You reluctantly agree as you sip your drink.

He smirks. "I know."

You purse your lips. "So, any updates with Karina? I know you two have been spending time together lately. Seems I was wrong."

Chan sighs. "No, I'm not into her in that way."

Brows raised, you chuckle, asking a question you already knew the answer to. "She's not interested or?"

"No, and neither was I." He states, eyes meeting yours. "She was never the one I liked."

You don't know why but you stutter a bit. "S-She wasn't?"

Chan looks away. "If it had been her and I out there today, I would've fell into the water."

"What do you mean by that, Chan?"

"You know what I mean by that."

...

You'd been avoiding Chan for the past two days, even constantly buttering up Joshua so you could be on the opposite side of wherever Chan was. It was wrong, you know, but you couldn't help it.

You were a coward, you couldn't even think about acknowledging any feelings Chan had for you. You only had a week left until the end of Summer anyways. Maybe if you ignored it you could move on.

You couldn't like Chan, not after the years you spent disliking him. Sure, had he done anything else to make you increasingly upset? Well, no. And he did usually brighten up slow days with his presence. And he did leave random water bottles by your chair when he knew you were too busy to go get one yourself. (He didn't know you knew, you figured this was his way of trying to get on your good side after the ordeal, but you never forgave him)

That was another thing too, how could he say he liked you after purposefully trying to embarrass you? Sure, it was a while ago, but you never forgot.

You're brought back from your thoughts when Jeonghan speaks, "I'm sorry, your child is not tall enough to ride this ride. It's regulation."

In front of you was an increasingly stubborn woman and what seemed to be her child as she whined about rules you had nothing to do with. "This is ridiculous!"

"It's regulated by the city, ma'am." Jeonghan shrugs. "You can leave a comment card up front if you have a complaint."

She just scoffs and storms off, stomping loudly down the stairs with her child in tow. You'd never understand some people.

Jeonghan turns to you. "Been here the whole summer and I'm still not used to it."

"You never get used to it, trust me."

He laughs in response, before changing the subject. "It's quiet up here, usually Chan's in the general vicinity by now."

You stiffen at the name. "He must be busy."

"He's never too busy for you." Jeonghan crosses his arms.

You bite the inside of your cheek. "Too busy to bother me?"

He suddenly turns serious. "I don't understand, Chan is nothing but nice to you and yet you're always ratting on him like he's a pest."

"You don't get it." You say, hoping he'll drop it.

He doesn't though. "Sure, he's a little overbearing at times but it's only because he really likes you."

"Don't say that."

"Say what?"

"Say that he likes me."

"Are you stupid?" Jeonghan spouts, and you're shocked at his tone. "The poor guy looks at you like you hung the stars yourself and you always just brush him off like he's a nuisance! But you know what? Even after all the mean things you do, he does nothing but talk greatly about you. About how you're the kindest soul, about how your smile lights up his day. How you're the prettiest girl he's ever laid eyes on."

You stay quiet, holding back tears.

"He thinks you're the greatest girl in the world, you've just never given him a chance to tell you." He finishes, leaning against the railing.

"I don't believe you."

Jeonghan turns away. "Then you'll have to ask him yourself."

You open your mouth to speak, but it's as if your friend reads your mind. "I-"

"Go," He interrupts, jutting his chin in that direction. "Before it's too late. He's with Vernon at the flow rider."

You nod and take off down the stairs, mindful of the puddles of water on the floor, but your urgency remains the same. You had to know, you had to hear it from him. You need to know why.

It's not too far in the afternoon that there's a huge line, only a couple people standing around but Vernon's helping them. Chan stands to the side looking unoccupied, now was your chance.

Wading through the people, your heart beating against your chest, you find yourself standing in front of Chan.

He averts his eyes, unsure of how to start the conversation. He had gotten the message from your avoidance, you had made your point. "You want to, um, ride the flow rider or..?"

You clear your throat. "Do you like me?"

He leans back at the question. "I thought it was obvious."

"And this isn't a prank?"

He wipes his palms on his pants. "W-Why would it be a prank?"

"I don't know! How am I supposed to believe you after that slushie?" You say, genuinely distraught.

"What slushie?"

"The one you spilled on when I first got hired here! What kind of joke was that?" You ask, finally glad to let it out into the air after holding it in for so long.

"What do you mean? I ran off to get napkins and when I came back you were gone!" Chan answered, confused on why you even remembered that.

"You could've told me! I thought you had ran off to laugh at me!" You argued.

He stands, ignoring the attention you two had drawn from others. "I would've said something but I clammed up and didn't know what to say, you were just so pretty-"

You straighten up. "Chan, you're a moron."

He stills. "I know."

"I thought you were cute before then too. But I felt so embarrassed after that, I even had to pay for a new one because Joshua said someone took the spare."

Chans eyes soften. "I grabbed it for you, but as we know, I never got to give it to you."

You look down at the new information. "Oh."

"I like you, I really do." He begins. "I like a lot of things about you. Like your perseverance, your passion for this job, your love for your friends. Just one of these days I wished you would've talked to me long enough without ripping me apart."

"I'm a bit harsh, aren't I?"

"It's one of the things I like about you, you're not scared to put anyone in their place." He admits, and it was true. Chan liked all of you, not just your better qualities.

"This whole time I thought you were the jerk when really it was me." You remark, eyes on your shoes and the floor beneath you.

"I don't blame you, I'd hate me too." Chan chuckles.

You shake your head. "I don't hate you. In fact, these past few days have been so draining. As much as I complained, you gave me something to look forward too. Knowing I'd see you do something to get my attention, just didn't know why you wanted it so bad."

"Now you know." He steps forward. "And between you and I, I've done a lot of embarrassing things to get you to look my way."

"Oh, you did them on purpose?" You tease.

He playfully rolls his eyes. "Obviously."

You assured him that you believed him as you smiled. He grabs your hand in his, the two of you standing in the sweltering heat of the park. He rubs his thumb over your palm. "So what now?"

"Take me on a date."

"You want to?"

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't." You respond. "I want to give us a chance."

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that."

BONUS:

"That bastard really did it." Seungkwan remarks, eyes bulging out of their sockets as he watches you and Chan flirt by the lockers before closing.

Karina stares on as well. "They're so cute that I want to throw up."

"Give them a break." Minghao butts in. "Today is the last day."

"Thank the Lord." Vernon approaches the others. "As if he couldn't get more annoying about her, I've had to hear him recount every date they've had so far."

Minghao cringes. "She's the same way."

Karina agrees. "I'm not even that bad."

Seungkwan looks over at her. "So how are thing with Mingyu anyways?"

Karina put her hands up. "Oblivious as always."

Shrugging, Minghao leans on the wall. "Should we just ditch them here and go?"

"But we haven't finished cleaning-" Jeonghan, who appeared out of nowhere starts before his voice dies down. "Yeah, lets go."

"They'll definitely be too in love to notice us leaving."

"For sure."

#seventeen #lee chan fanfic #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fanfiction #seventeen imagines #seventeen oneshot #seventeen imagine #seventeen fluff #lee chan fluff #dino fluff #dino fanfic #dino imagines #dino x reader #seventeen x reader #lee chan x reader #chan imagines #chan x reader #lee chan x yn #seventeen scenarios #svt imagines #svt x reader #svt oneshots #svt oneshot #svt scenarios #svt lee chan #seventeen chan #seventeen dino

[caassette]

been on tumblr less than a week and already Trans Discourse is on my timeline front page dash...

idk i kind of just feel like...there are actual real threats right now in the world to all trans people, and like. trying to create in-groups and out-groups within the community is the most braindead thing you can do

they are killing us. they want us dead. any time you try to segregate one fraction of the queer community from another, their job gets a little easier. let me give you an example that happened recently in Texas while I was living there:

June 2022: Log Cabin Republican Praises Trump, "Don't Say Gay", Trans Hate

Also June 2022: Texas GOP's New Platform calls gay people "abnormal"

Log Cabin Republicans are essentially gay conservatives. And as part of trying to be accepted, under Trump, they decided trans people were the out-group and that gay people (specifically, white cisgender gay men) were the in-group.

If I had to guess, they probably figured so long as they also pointed the finger at us and called us groomers and said we were fetishists, they would be more accepted in the republican party.

Guess what happened? Not that! Instead, the Texas GOP, in 2022 (Two Thousand And Twenty Two) decided that being gay was once again Not Okay!

This is what I'm getting at: in queer spaces, always, always, there must be solidarity. There is no such thing as someone who is "not gay enough", or "not really trans", or "just looking for attention."

I, myself, am a binary trans woman. My current partner is a genderfluid transmasculine nonbinary person. Do I spend hours talking with them about how they do or don't face certain forms of oppression, or about how their identity is less valid than mine?

Of course not! We kiss and hold hands and fuck and have empathy for each other.

As a queer person it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to be one hundred percent accepting, validating, and encouraging of ALL QUEERNESS, because the second you decide to draw the line, the oppressor wins.

Maybe you're not a Log Cabin Republican. Maybe you're not advocating for trans genocide while being in a same-sex relationship. Maybe you just, idk, use the word "theyfab." Or you think pansexuals should "just call themselves bi."

It doesn't matter that the line you've drawn is farther left, or smaller, or excludes less of the community.

What matters is that you've drawn it at all.

#discourse #transmisandry #lgbtqia #inclusivity

[mcflymemes]

AS SAID BY DORIAN PAVUS  *  assorted dialogue from dragon age inquisition, updated version

i don't care what they think about me. i care what they think about us.

i like you. more than i should. more than might be wise.

discretion isn't your thing, is it?

all this dancing, politics, and murder makes me a bit homesick.

i suppose it really depends. how bad do you want to be?

living a lie... it festers inside of you, like poison.

i'm a man of many talents. what can i say?

the moment i saw you, i thought "there's a man who knows quality."

if you don't come through this, i swear i'll kill you.

i'm curious where this goes, you and i. we've had fun. perfectly reasonable to leave it here.

here is my proposal: we dispense with the chitchat and move on to something more primal.

i tease you too much, i know.

i'll have to find something we can do that doesn't involve teasing.

time to drink myself into a stupor. it's been that sort of day.

i see you enjoy playing with fire.

i like playing hard to get.

i'm not suggesting we venture into mutual domesticity.

if it's a trap, we escape and kill everyone. you're good at that.

talk to me. let me hear how mystified you are by my anger.

oh, i'm not arguing. just pointing out the ridiculously obvious.

if you choose to leave your door unlocked like a savage, i may or may not come.

now... what was i talking about? ah, yes. me.

i am apparently an incredible ass at accepting gifts.

i prefer the company of men.

would you prefer me bound and leashed?

sometimes the ones you love are also the ones who disappoint you the most.

you are the man i love, [name]. nothing will truly keep us apart.

the things you ask are just... very personal.

sometimes... love isn't enough.

there will always be an "us." we'll just be... farther apart, for a time.

i had no idea something like you was possible.

i'm imagining what you would look like in a dress.

i've never seen you smile so much!

i have no idea what you're talking about.

you stand there, flexing your muscles, huffing like some beast of burden with no thought save conquest.

you're shaping the world for good or ill. how could i aspire to do any less?

my footsies are freezing, thank you.

don't you ever bathe?

you're not suggesting we're similar.

watch where you're pointing that thing!

i'm not wearing a skirt.

it's significantly more impressive than hitting them with a sharp piece of metal.

i only meant to say i'm very sorry for your loss.

we can continue this dance forever, if you wish.

i'm saying we should be careful what we assume when it comes to such matters.

demons don't appreciate a man with good hair.

what i wouldn't give for some proper wine.

your outfit's entertaining. i'll give you that.

he had to leave early on account of assassination.

it's nice to know you have friends.

i'm here to do what is right.

come on, just answer the question.

they were asking me about you. personal things.

you said we'd be ass-deep in trouble. this is more like knee-high.

so what's your estimation? think we can win?

you can't call me pampered. nobody's peeled a grape for me in weeks.

you startled me. you're always so... nondescript.

you're a special and unique snowflake. live the dream.

i wanted to see you make flowers bloom with your song. just once.

you've done a lot less dancing naked in the moonlight than expected.

i've never seen anyone in this part of the world do it.

i realize there's more to you than that.

have i offended you?

for hating the outdoors, you sure seem to like bad weather.

i can't figure you out, [name].

you don't play their stupid game, they send an assassin or three your way.

i can't believe you're scared of magic.

i'm going to take that as a compliment.

still don't like me, [name]? after all this time?

[name], i owe you an apology.

i suspect people will use any excuse to hate us.

why be ashamed? power should be respected, not swept under the carpet.

maybe you're not a complete moron.

i just need to know you're capable of higher thought. for my own comfort.

it would take work. and soap. lots and lots of soap.

#dragon age #dorian pavus #rp prompt #rp meme #rp memes #roleplay memes #roleplay prompt #rp starters #ask memes #ask meme #roleplay meme #roleplay inbox prompts #rp inbox meme #inbox prompt #inbox meme #sentence starter prompt #sentence starter #sentence starters #mcflymemes #annnndddd a revamped dorian #because i love him so much

[rius-cave]

Ok but imagine adamsapple in bed and Adam is like " why don't i top for once"

And Luci raises his eyebrows

Adam " I'm the original dick, i know how to use it!"

Luci " considering I've stolen both your wives, i severely doubt that" adam huffs. Luci sighs. " You've been bottoming for a while, would you trust YOURSELF yo top you?"

And Adam blue screens

( does this lead to angsty self introspection or to luci riding him? Who knows)

Anon I hate myself. Somehow my response to this turned into a full on drabble 🙈 I'm so sorry I don't know how this happened. Here it is I guess. I'm putting it under a cut because the language gets a little explicit skfjdgfd

"Come on. What? You think I really couldn't do it? Do you not want me to fuck you that badly?"

Lucifer glared at him in judging silence, an eyebrow raised.

"Would it really kill your ego to let me do it just once? I mean seriously I'm sure I could have you screaming in no time." Adam stated, anger obvious on his voice.

"Mm-hm," Lucifer hums, reclining his back on the headboard and closing his eyes. "You could."

"Oh please! You haven't even let me try! If you gave me the chance to- wait what did you say?" Adam's mouth gaped, his brain just now catching up with his ears.

"I said you could," the hellborn replied, a smug smile on his face. "We've been doing this for weeks now, haven't we? You think I've never wanted to feel your cock inside of me?"

Adam choked on his own saliva before sitting up on the bed, astonishment plastered across his face. It wasn't weird for Lucifer to talk directly like this, but hearing him just… admit that he wanted it was not something Adam ever expected to hear. To be frank he was half waiting for Lucifer to chuck him out to the next ring.

"Wait really?"

"Really," Lucifer affirmed without a tint of shame in his voice. "I may be more skilled than you," he began again, earning a brief glare from Adam. "But I could teach you how to do it, show you where I like it, actually top someone properly for once."

"I…" The sinner began, still not believing his hearing. Suddenly, a smile crept up his face, excitement pouring from his eyes as well as starting to fill up his cock. "Oh! Okay! Fuck yeah, let's go!" He cheered in anticipation, already lifting up the sheets from both his body and Lucifer before his wrist was firmly stopped.

"Uh, what?"

"Not now, you idiot. We just did it. I'm tired and we need to get to the hotel early tomorrow," Lucifer explained with a little sharpness in his voice.

"What? But I… we… you…" He fumbled, a rapid sequence of anger, frustration and disappointment flashing across his features.

"That's not fair! Come on, I…!" He couldn't come up with any good reason. They did have to meet up with Charlie tomorrow (or today, at this point), and they did go at it for about an hour and a half that night. He couldn't say that his own eyes weren't closing before the conversation started.

He growled in frustration like a kid having been promised a candy only for it to be snatched from his hands right as he was about to take a bite. His wings fell to his sides and his mouth closed in a tight line.

A chuckle caught his attention once more.

"Aww, don't be sad, love," the king cooed as he leaned forward, taking one of Adam's cheek in his hand. I promise the next opportunity we have, that'll be the first thing we do, okay?" His voice was soothing and alluring, calming down Adam's anger immediately.

"… Fine," Adam finally grumbled, a small blush creeping up his face at the intimate touch. Those kinds of gestures still threw him for a loop every time. He was used to bites, scratches and pulls from the King of Hell, but any time the demon showed his softer side to him, Adam couldn't help but feel his brain short circuit.

"That's a good little lamb," Lucifer grinned, before leaning in to capture Adam's lips in a soft kiss, meant to seal the promise that he just made.

The recently fallen angel melted into the kiss with a sigh, all his frustration completely gone now. It was still embarrassing how he would just turn to putty under Lucifer's touch. If his soldiers could see him now his reputation would never recover. But still, it felt good to let go of his control when it was Lucifer who slowly, methodically, stripped it away from him.

"Mhm, very well. Let's go to sleep now," Lucifer gently broke the kiss, holding Adam's cheek lightly and dedicating him a smile.

"Okay," Adam replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Don't worry sweetheart. I'll make sure to prepare my little ass so well for your cock, so that you can slide in easily. I'll ride your dick so good and milk it so hard that you won't be able to feel it by the fifth time I make you cum inside of me."

Lucifer grinned innocently, patting Adam's cheek before finally laying down again and getting comfortable under the covers.

With each word Adam felt his insides get hotter and hotter, to the point that by the end of Lucifer's promise, there was no doubt that he was properly hard now.

A couple seconds later, he could hear the quiet snores coming from the demon next to him.

Adam growled loudly. The frustration was back a hundredfold.

#i have brainrot I'm so so so sorry #hazbin hotel #adamsapple #ask

[7s3ven]

UNBEARABLE. connor stoll (pjo)

( master list )

IN WHICH… Connor Stoll finds enjoyment on pulling all sorts of pranks on Y/N L/N, the charming daughter of Aphrodite. It isn't until he catches her in a moment of weakness that he begins to sympathize with her.

A/N : I kinda feel like I’m carrying the PJO fandom on my back with all these fics lol. Also, people said I could be cast as Drew from PJO. Y’all should ask for my insta so you can confirm me as Drew 😽

Warnings : not following plot, luke is still here bc I adore him, mentions of luke x y/n here and there (Y/N’s an Aphrodite kid, ofc she’s kissed multiple people 😭)

—

A shrill scream pierced the peaceful silence of Camp Half-Blood, waking up most of its campers. Connor Stoll creeped around the corner with a cheeky grin, holding an empty bucket of pink paint. A moment later, Y/N L/N and Silena Beauregard stormed out of the Aphrodite cabin, covered from head to toe in paint.

"I'm going to kill him!" Y/N shouted, eyebrows furrowed in fury. The paint dripped off her body, staining the green grass below. She scoffed.

The Stoll brothers, more specifically Connor, were at it again with their never-ending pranks. Ever since Y/N arrived at camp, she had been the main victim of Connor's tricks. And she hated it.

"Are you okay?" Y/N asked Silena, all of her anger suddenly simmering away once she looked at her sister. Silena nodded, combing the dried paint out of her black hair. Y/N looked over her shoulder, locking eyes with Travis Stoll. She fumed as she quickly strutted towards the elder brother.

"You," She sternly pointed at Travis and poked his chest, "Get your brother under control before I do it myself!"

Travis lifted his arms in surrender, teasingly grinning. “I think he’d like that.”

"Just make him stop! I am sick and tired of being covered in paint when I wake up! Honestly!" Y/N groaned as she stormed back towards her cabin, ushering Silena inside so they could wash up.

Y/N clicked her tongue as she scrubbed the drying paint off her face. Silena was beside her, drying her now clean face with a warm towel. "I can't stand this any longer." She mumbled, running a brush through her hair. She peeled a patch of paint off, scowling in disgust. "Do you think the paint will harm my skin barrier?"

"Oh, absolutely." Silena quickly nodded her head, "We need to do face masks tonight."

Y/N was getting sick of all the pranks that seemed to target her and only her. "Hey, Y/N, we're gonna get breakfast. You wanna come with?" One of her other siblings poked her head around the corner, in the process of changing into a pink shirt.

"Oh, yeah. I'm coming." Y/N flashed Silena a bright smile before joining the other Aphrodite kids.

"Hey, Y/N, don't you think that Connor is kinda cute?" One of the girls nudged her as Y/N tucked herself between Momona and Jacob. Y/N glanced at Connor, frowning.

"No." She scoffed, something she did often whenever Connor was around. "He keeps pulling pranks on me. I can't even see him half of the time because my eyes are always covered in paint."

“She has a point.” Vivviene said, causing Y/N to frown.

“Of course I do. I’m always right.”

Her siblings laughed, throwing their heads back. “Yeah, right!” Jacob exclaimed, “What about that time you said Luke wasn’t guarding the flag and you were wrong? Because he was and he whooped your ass badly!”

Y/N pushed Jacob, playfully scoffing. “It was one mistake! And I landed a few good shots! He got stuck in the infirmary for a week."

“Yeah. And you were with him because of his beating! The Apollo kids found you making out a few times!” Jacob slung an arm around her shoulder, bellowing out another laugh.

Y/N accidently caught Connor's eye from across the room and her smile faltered. She quickly turned her head, the image of her reflection covered in paint engraved in her mind.

She still had paint stuck under her nails and she picked at it. "I'm getting fed up with him." She mumbled, causing her siblings to groan. Y/N scoffed, rolling her eyes. "What?"

"You always talk about him at meals." Jacob said.

"In fact, you're always talking about him. Period." Momona added.

“What if I’m not talking about Connor?” Y/N asked, unknowingly falling into her siblings trap.

"We never mentioned a name.” Vivviene pointed out. Y/N groaned, running a hand through her soft hair. “Maybe he keeps pulling these pranks because he likes you." Vivviene shrugged before eating another spoonful of her food, not noticing how everybody turned their heads to stare wildly at her.

"Excuse me?" Y/N almost choked. "He does not like me. If he did, I don't think he'd be annoying me so much. But I guess boys are naturally annoying." Jacob pursed his lips but nodded in agreement. "Anyway, I have to help some kids with archery practice. I will see all of you later." Y/N grinned at her siblings, teasingly tapping Momona on the nose.

"Oh, great. Tell them to duck when you shoot." Jacob teased.

Y/N rolled her eyes but she still smiled. "Well, I'm off. Bye!" She stood up, gracefully walking away. The kids in the arena seemed to light up as she made her presence known. "Hey kids, great to see you all again! Y'all ready to learn some archery?" The young demigods cheered, excited for their next lesson with the Aphrodite cabin leader instead of the harsh Clarisse.

"So, you just pull the arrow back. As far as you can," Y/N uttered, showing the kids a demonstration. "And once you've got it as far as you can, you just shoot." She let the arrow go, watching as it spiraled through the air and hit bullseye. With that sort of aim, she may as well be an Apollo kid.

The kids clapped while she outstretched her arms, enjoying the applause. "Thank you!" She playfully bowed. "Okay, bows out, arrows ready, and shoot your shot! Quite literally. Aim for the targets over there, not at each other."

The children excitedly grabbed a bow and arrow, trying their best to impress to Y/N. Even if they missed completely, she still clapped and gave them an encouraging pat on the back.

"Great training session guys! I'll see y'all tomorrow!" Y/N waved goodbye to the small group. She was cheerful until she spotted Connor in the distance, conversing with Travis and holding yet another can of paint. She clenched her jaw.

"Connor Stoll, don't you dare use that paint for anything relating to my cabin!" She stormed towards him, sternly pointing at him.

"We weren't planning to but now that you say it, we might." Connor cheekily grinned while Y/N glared at him.

"Stoll, you know I adore everybody in this world... but you are an exception. I loathe you." She poked his chest, "Now, please get rid of the paint in that can."

Connor shrugged. "Okay." He, without a second thought, poured it all over Y/N. For the second time today. She gasped, glowering at Connor.

"You are dead." She said through clenched teeth. "Dead, you nitwit!" She threw a lump of paint at him, hitting him directly in the face. “Honestly.” She scoffed, shaking the paint off. “My skin is going to break out soon and you’ll be to blame!”

She slapped a paint-covered hand on his shoulder before walking off, muttering to herself as she glared at any camper who dared to laugh at her.

“Well, that went smoothly.” Travis said, taking a peek at Connor. “Maybe covering a girl in paint isn’t the best way to woo her.”

“Luke told me it was.”

Travis clicked his tongue, resting a heavy hand on his brother’s back. “… He was messing with you.”

Connor wasn’t a complicated boy. He loved playing pranks but lately Y/N’s reactions had been getting less rewarding. She looked at him like he was the bane of her existence, which he probably was. But how else was he supposed to get her attention?

Without the constant tricks, Y/N would have only ever seen him as another Hermes boy, not worth remembering because her eyes were always on another.

Luke, with his brown-curled hair and a faint scar that ran down his pretty face yet it only elevated his beauty. Connor was pretty sure whatever chemistry and romance between them was done but Luke still snuck glances at Y/N from time to time.

If he was being honest, Connor was a little jealous of his brother. What was his secret to getting Y/N to notice him? Sure, Luke was good-looking but Connor wasn’t lacking in that department either.

"You'll think of something to grab her attention." Travis reassured his brother, nudging him in the ribs, "My advice... plan a picnic. Who knows, it might get you somewhere." The elder Stoll brother tilted his head back, letting out an amused laugh, as he walked away.

Connor clicked his tongue, thinking for a moment. His eyes lit up with mischief as an idea popped into his head. He couldn't guarantee that it was a good one but it's Connor Stoll we're talking about. Y/N woke up with a surprised look on her face. Paint wasn't splattering around her cabin and everybody was sleeping peacefully, not awoken by shrill screams. Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as she sat up, rubbing her eyes. It seemed Connor had finally decided to leave her alone.

She stood up, shivering slightly when her bare feet hit the cold tiles below. She sleepily staggered over to her vanity mirror, peering into it to check her skin as she did everyday. Her appearance was spot on, as usual, except for one thing that made Y/N lose her mind.

Her hair... was pink. It wasn't an ugly type of neon pink but gone were her H/C locks. Y/N tried to hold back a sharp screech but the panic was beginning to set in.

Her half-siblings woke up in alarm.

"My hair..." Y/N seethed to them, barely able to contain her fury, "That little..." She couldn't even find an appropriate insult as her body trembled in anger.

"I'm sure we can wash it out." Silena rushed to Y/N's aid. "It's still early. I'll draw you a bath and we can scrub it out."

Silena was wrong. Two bottles of shampoo later, the color was still vivid.

"I can't go out like this." Y/N said, tugging at the ends of her hair. "They'll laugh at me... and mother, oh gods... she's going to hate me for changing my hair."

"It’s not your fault." Silena comforted her. “I’ll talk to Connor. I’ll make him tell me how to get rid of it. Then we can fix it. Okay?”

Y/N slowly nodded. “This is fine.” She muttered to herself when Silena was long gone. She applied a thin layer of gloss to her lips, soothing herself. “Mother won’t hate you because it was all his doing…” She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. When she looked at her reflection for a second time, she felt her anger flare up again.

As an Aphrodite kid, her appearance was everything. It was her identity and more. "What about personality?" Other campers would ask her and she'd simply laugh. What about beauty? The first thing people will see is how you carry yourself, how you walk, how you look. Personality had nothing to do with first impressions.

Y/N was a beauty among the Aphrodite girls, standing out more than she should. She had always been her mother's favorite. Without her carefully styled H/C hair, who was she? Her hair was an important detail to her and she didn't know what to do now. Would people still love her as they did before? Without her outstanding looks, she was nothing.

Y/N slipped out of her cabin via the window. Everybody was at breakfast so it wasn't hard to avoid people from seeing her hair. Y/N was supposed to be teaching archery again today but she'd rather battle a hellhound than show up with pink hair.

She wandered around the forest, eventually finding herself in front of a small river. A few nymphs sat near the water, giggling together. They spotted Y/N and all gasped in unison, scrambling away except for one who was brave enough to stay.

"I like your hair." She shyly said, coyly kicking her leg into the water. She charmingly smiled before hurrying off after her friends, who laughed at timid behavior.

Y/N fell to her knees in front of the river, staring mindlessly at the cool liquid. She wondered what it found feel like to dunk her head beneath the water, an action she saw the nymphs do quite often.

She didn't know how much time had passed. Maybe it was minutes or hours but Y/N found herself sprawled on a warm rock, basking in the sun. She heard footsteps approach her and she hoped it was Silena. It wasn't. It was Connor instead.

"Oh." Y/N deadpanned, displeased to see him. "It's you." She deeply scowled, turning away.

"You, uh, weren't at breakfast." Connor kicked a nearby rock as he cleared his throat, "And the archery kids were wondering where you were too. Luke had to take over and he may be the best swordsman but he's far from the best archer. He kept missing the target."

Y/N let out a small huff of amusement. "What are you doing here, Connor?" That was the first time she had called him by his first name. She often referred to him as Stoll.

"I wanted to check up on you. Are you... okay?"

"No, Connor, I am not okay!" Y/N suddenly snapped, "Why can't you ever leave me alone? Did I do something to hurt you? I could deal fine with the paint and water buckets but my hair? You dyed my hair pink! My mother loved my H/C hair and now you've ruined it!"

"It won't last forever." Connor retorted, taking a step towards Y/N.

"That doesn't matter!” She screamed, standing up. “My looks are important to me, Connor! I can't pull off pink hair, it doesn't match my skin undertone! I need to be perfect otherwise my mother won’t love me!”

"You can pull anything off, Y/N. You're pretty."

Y/N's eyes momentarily softened as she gazed at him, her cheeks flushing a light hue of pink. "You think I'm pretty? Even... even with messy pink hair, smudged mascara, and fading eyeliner?"

"I think you're always pretty." He answered, “Even when you do those heatless curls that make you look silly. And I think you’re the prettiest when you aren’t trying.”

“Don’t think your compliments will get you off the hook.” Y/N warned, glaring at him.

“Will a star-gazing date at seven get me off the hook?” Connor asked, mischievously grinning.

In turn, Y/N narrowed her eyes. “Maybe.” She uttered before turning around and walking back to camp, concealing her pink hair once more.

PJO TAG LIST : @lostinhisworld @julielightwood @outerbanks-stuff @jennapancake @csifandom @evrybodydies1 @kkrenae @s0ulsniper @annispamz @justanotherkpopstanlol @soraya-09 @simpforeveyone @papichulo120627 @corpsebridenightamare @lilacspider @prettylilsimp @urmomsbananabread @ur-lacol-dsylexic @hottiewifeyyyy @kamiliora @be-bap @finnickodaddy @th0tblckgrl @shoyofroyoyoyo @uniquely-her @imafrkinsimp @syraxesrevenge @ahh-chickens @dracoslovergirl @midnightstar-90 @8812-342 @liv1104 @krkiiz @arialikestea @ch16rles @lizziesliz @maryclx01 @lukecastellandefender @yuminako @coryoskywalker @julielightwood @crybabysbakery @jsbabyyy @liviessun @p3pperm1nttea @angie-esc @purplerose291 @prettylilsimp @10ava01 @froggiesstalks @happy-jj @czennieszn @gisellesprettylies @loveyava @csifandom @luvvfromme @mashiromochi @kamiliora @yorksyree @mqg125 @jamesmackreideswife @niktwazny303 @2hiigh2cry @user021099 @living-in-my-imagination88 @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @randomgurl2326 @niktwazny303 @connorstollfanpage

#connor stoll #hermes pjo #pjo show #luke castellan #annabeth chase #greek mythology #luke castellan pjo #luke castellan x reader #percy jackson series #percy jackson fanfiction #grover underwood #camp half blood #travis stoll #stoll brothers #pjo stuff #connor stoll x reader #connor stoll x you #aphrodite #aphrodite pjo

[ivymyers]

Clingy (Revali x Reader)

Personal project. Enjoy! (requests are open)

Warnings: a little bit agnsty, point of view does not make sense, I wrote this kinda fast, Revali being a dick

“She’s so…goddamn clingy.”

You flinch as you hear these words uttered from Revali. It didn’t feel good, but he wasn’t finished and you could confirm who was definitely talking about.

“She always wants to spend time with me, I’m lacking in all my skills because of it. Y/n is such a distraction.”

You get that he likes to show off and brag, but saying this crap to the champions was too far. You had made such an effort to get them to like you. It hurt that Revali was killing your progress behind your back. Not to mention how absolutely hurtful this all was. All the times he wanted to hang out with you, you thought he was being sweet, different than how he was around others. It crushed your soul that he would say such hurtful things.

You ran out before you could hear the responses from the other champions.

—

All week you avoided Revali, whenever you thought of a fun idea for the pair of you, it was shot down by the neverending repetition of that phrase. Over and over it played until you couldn’t do anything but think about that.

—

You sat on the flight deck to feel the rushing wind in an attempt to drown your feelings. As the tears fell down your face you couldn’t stop thinking about what your Rito lover had said, even though a week had already passed. He called you clingy. What an awful thing to be called for trying to express your feelings. Although, you were finally beginning to see the reasoning behind it. You heard the footsteps behind you and immediately knew who it was.

“Y/n? Hey, I just wanted to see if you wanted to do somethi- are you crying?” His heart stopped when he saw tears.

“What?” you quickly wiped the tears from your cheeks.

“Y/n are you ok? I’m worried. You haven’t wanted to do anything with me all week.”

“I’m fine.” You say coldly. 

“Y/n what’s up?” Revali actually looks a little concerned now. “Do you want to talk somewhere?”

“No, I said I’m fine. Wouldn’t want to waste any of your precious training time.” With that you stormed off. Leaving Revali mildly confused.

—

[timeskip to later that night]

It was the middle of the night when you slipped out of the hammock. He probably thought it was annoying to have to share with you anyway. God, you were so annoying weren’t you? Once the tears started they wouldn’t stop, so instead of trying to calm yourself down, you just curled into a little ball to comfort yourself. 

The sound of you in distress woke Revali. Immediately he was terrified when you were missing from the Hammock. Hearing your sniffles from the corner made him feel sick. He hated it whenever you weren’t feeling your best. Instantly he got up to go sit down next to you. 

“Angel…what’s wrong?”

“Nothing Revali, I’m just trying not to act so…Goddamn clingy I guess.”

The room got quiet very fast. To see you in distress made Revali  anxious, but to know he was the one who caused it? He felt extremely guilty, and pissed at himself. 

“Y/n…”

“No, it’s fine, you don’t need to justify yourself, I understand, I’ve been putting myself first in our relationship too much. It’s my fault you haven't been enjoying yourself. I feel so bad Revali.”

You stared at him with tears flowing down your face and he wished he could take it all back. You were his whole world and he crushed you.

“I’m sorry y/n. Those words were…god I’m such a dumbass…” he closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “What I said to them last week, none of it was true. I was showing off and…it’s something I need to do less of. Please. Come back to the hammock with me, I couldn’t bear it if you left me.”

You followed him slowly and silently, thought jumbled and confused.

Revali, on the other hand, was freaking out inside. This distress he caused you, what if he messed you up permanently? He knew it would take time for you to regain his trust…but the way you feel must be ten times worse than how he does. He made a mental note to take you to your favorite spot in the morning and make your favorite meal. But for now, you were already asleep against his chest in the hammock.

---------

Hope you enjoyed! Sorry if it was kinda all over the place.

#botw #revali #revali x reader #fanfic #x reader #clingy #agnst #mean

[autisticlancemcclain]

What’s your most hated fandom characterization for each of the main 7?

hoo boy am i glad you asked. although i’m gonna be real, my issue is less with fandom characterization, because you do you i don’t give a shit, and more with how people go batty if you personally are not a fan of fanon characterizations.

like, lemme be obvious and talk about my biggest example. i am a brown eyed lance truther. we know this. the amount of weirdo comments, weirdo DMs, and weirdo asks i get is atrocious. i post a lot of them bc they’re so stupid they’re funny but the amount of people per week that tell me to kill myself is lowkey wild. the amount of people that love to say some variation of “i liked your fic but you ruined it by making lances eyes brown! his eyes are blue!” and i’ve checked other brown eyed truther’s fics — either they delete their comments better than me, or they do not get the same thing. idk what the deal is lol.

i will concede to the point that i’m a contrarian and annoying about it, but a list of the following non-fanon headcanons/characterizations i hold that have been commented on in some derisive way:

- bitchy hunk (lol)

- non “cinnamon roll too pure and baby and good for this world” hunk*

- allura is a good character (🤡)**

- allura is a sweetheart

- allura is not a drill sergeant

- kuron was a good iteration of shiro

- red paladin lance/black paladin keith/blue paladin allura

- retired shiro

- pidge is not cruel

- pidge is not an infant and can handle things a regular 14-15 year old can handle

- small details are irrelevant (think lances family, exact prekerb details, etc)

- keith gyeong and lance sanchez

- fucking brown eyed lance. i’m saying it again

- tall keith

- non omega keith***

- readmores

- autistic lance

- adhd keith

- non asshole/cruel keith

- comphetting gay lance****

- shallura

- bi shiro, demi keith, essentially any sexuality headcanon that isn’t mainstream

- hunk who isn’t food obsessed

- that’s about it

*stop infantilising hunk

**the allura hate is ridiculous and largely rooted in anti-Blackness. it should not be a fight to say that she had a reason to feel betrayed by keith’s heritage, that she did not “get in the way” of klance, that her death was stupid and ridiculous, that she is often pushed over in favour of klance (not as in she’s less popular, but that her/her death are used as a plot device to further klance), and that she is as interesting, nuanced, and multifaceted as the rest of them.

***people, inevitably, feminize characters in fandoms (largely because many people in fandom are young women, i know i feminize characters simply bc i’m making them like me and i’m feminine lol), and my issue is that people (in the general sense, not everybody) love to feminize keith and then get really mad if anyone else is feminized. this is not about fem or trans woman keith btw. this is about people omega-ifying him and then losing their MINDS if i don’t share that headcanon.

****i literally only wrote this once and then never again because people lost their minds. but as much as i love bi lance, i think it’s interesting that usually, when we see “boy crazy” or “girl crazy” characters, especially if they have a lot of chemistry or homoerotic tension with a same-gender character, people are like oh ya that’s comphetting. that character is desperately trying to outrun the gay thoughts. but with lance, who was definitely girl crazy and cared more about having a girlfriend than actually dating and falling in love (think “mrs blue lion” — he didn’t give a fuck about who he was marrying, so long that it was a girl), calling him gay will have people saying you’re erasing bisexuality. as if he was not fucking straight in the show. so.

sorry this is so bitter and ranty lol. been in a mood

#and have been wanting to complain about this specifically for months #so thank u for that #longpost #vld headcanons #rant #ask

[danikamariewrites]

Trapped

Lucien x reader

A/n: part 2 to Fox Hunter! I was so happy so many people liked this fic and I hope you like part 2. I love Elain so breaking her heart killed me but it had to happen sadly.

Warnings: dark!reader, manipulation, angst

Three months. It took three months for my brother to mess things up. It’s my own fault, really. I did not take into account the amount of time he had spent with Gwyn. When the bond snapped for them Azriel left Elain. It’s been weeks now. Azriel and Gwyn have been in the cabin in the mountains since. Elain wont even come out of her room.

Today Feyre had had enough. A loud knock sounded on the front door, I open it to find a disheveled Feyre. She has bags under her eyes, her hair pulled up in a ponytail to hide the knots forming in her sandy locks. Her shoulders are slumped in defeat as she shuffles inside. I felt bad for her. She shouldn’t have to be dealing with Elain’s mess of a life, she had already done so much for her sisters.

I hold my arms out to pull her into a comforting hug. Feyre slumps against me as a sob shakes her body. “I can’t take it y/n. I know she’s hurting but this is irrational.” I rub her back slowly, my eyes fluttering shut as I prepare myself for what Feyre is about to ask me. “Elain won’t speak to me or Nesta anymore. Nesta tried today but she asked for you. Will you please talk to her?”

Resting my hands on her shoulders I pull away from Feyre. “Yes, anything to help Elain. She’s my friend and I hate seeing her in pain like this.”

When I arrive at the River House later that day I spot Lucien and Cassian speaking in hushed tones by the staircase. As I pass them I send Lucien a wink and a small smile that he returns. Making my way up the stairs I can smell the salt of Elain’s tears. Taking a deep breath I mentally prepare myself to step into the role of friend.

I knock on the door and enter without her permission. “Elain,” my voice comes out sweet and caring. I just want the girl to stop crying. She sniffled and stood from her bed. Elain pulled herself up to her full height, holding her chin up high. A scowl graces her lips as she stares daggers at me. “Elain?” I ask tentatively.

“I asked for Lucien. I wanted to take it all back but then Nesta told me he was with you. Your scents were mixed.” Elain was trembling at this point. “You did this. You wanted Lucien and you made me break the bond with him!” She was screaming at this point. I knew my look of shock was genuine by Elain’s dark laugh. “Oh. My. Gods. I knew it! You did this to me on purpose!”

“I told you to follow your heart! Never once did I tell you to break the bond.” Elain started screaming bloody murder. She started pacing like a mad woman, gripping at the roots of her hair. Thundering footsteps rush up the stairs. Before I could say anything to claim my innocence Rhys, Feyre, Cassian, and Nesta burst through the door. “What’s going on?” Rhys yells.

Elain stops her pacing pointing a threatening finger at me. “Y/n did this to me! She took Lucien from me! Made me break the bond!” I turn to my family with a worried gaze. “I didn’t…I told her to do what was right I never meant for this.” Nesta rushed past me into Elain’s bathroom. Elain continues rambling until Nesta comes back with a small vile. Uncorking it, she forces the liquid down Elain’s throat.

The girl went limp in her sister’s arms. Slurring her words until her eyes flutter shut and she’s completely unconscious. Cassian takes Elain from Nesta to lay her on the bed. Rhys takes my hands, giving me a sympathetic smile. “I didn’t know this would happen,” I whisper out. Again, forcing tears to line my eyes. “Elain is my friend I’d never do this.”

“I know sister. Mating bonds are fragile things. The breaking of it with Lucien and Azriel leaving with Gwyn must be taking its toll on her emotionally.” Rhys said somberly. “I think it’s best we stay away for a while.” Rhys agreed and granted Lucien and I a leave of absence.

I rush back downstairs, a new spring in my step at the thought of spending time alone with Lucien away from the Night Court. As I stepped into the sitting room Lucien stood from the couch. “How is she?” Concern etched on his beautiful face. I hold his face in my hands slowly rubbing circles with my thumbs on his cheeks. I give my love a sympathetic frown. “Not well. I think everything is finally taking its toll on her, poor thing. It hurts to see her like this.” Lucien pulls me into a warm embrace. I rest my head against his strong chest, his steady heartbeat soothing my anxiety about this whole situation.

At least none of them believe Elain. Why would my brothers question me after five hundred years of love and loyalty. And they truly believe the poor girl is psychotic. Helping me evade doubt.

“Rhysand is letting us take a leave of absence. We could use a break for a while.” I lean away from Luc to gage his reaction. He flashes me that dazzling smile that makes my knees go weak. “I’d love that.” I pull him down to meet my lips in a sweet kiss. Breaking apart he rests his forehead against mine. “How about we go to Day for a while? My father asked me to visit, now is the perfect time.”

I smile at the thought of us in Day Court fashion. Walking around the palace, visiting the many libraries, and relaxing by the beaches. Peace. We’d have peace in Day, a chance to get lost in each other. “That sounds perfect.”

Lucien gives me one last kiss before heading to his office to write to Helion. I returned to the Town House to pack our bags as I daydream about a life for us in Day.

tagging: @thelov3lybookworm

#acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar reader fic #acotar reader imagine #acotar imagine #lucien vandaddy #lucien x you #lucien x reader #lucien acotar #lucien vanserra #lucien vanserra x reader #lucien vanserra x you #Lucien vanserra acotar #lucien fic #Lucien fanfic

[japhan2024]

Review of Smosh's Funeral Roast

I am harsh at times, but know it all comes from a place of love!

Spoilers under the cut

I live in Europe. This is relevant because of timezones: the funeral roast of Anthony Padilla was live at 6pm for them, meaning 3am for me. I am not the youthful insomniac I once was so I had to train my sleep schedule the entire week - otherwise I would miss it because I fell asleep. But I wanted to witness this live. I love smosh.

The trailer for this roast deserves an award: Ian and the cast have a movie night as suddenly the light turns blue and everyone but Ian freezes. He seems to know what's going on and discovers a zombie or ghost like Anthony levitating. The cast of the roast are all introduced and all play a gothic, churchy kind of character. See the full trailer here (it's currently at 666k views, how fun):

Around 1am I got impatient and decided not to wait for my alarm clock but to install myself on the couch, with a blanket and a scarf, and a hot cup of tea, god knows I would need it. I watched episodes of the Scott Pilgrim Netflix series to kill the time. The character Todd Ingram reminded me a lot of Anthony and I wonder whether Anthony has 'vegan superpowers' as well. Probably so.

Finally, the pre-show begins. This is pretty uneventful as they play a game and succesfully convince thousands of viewers to buy their tickets to the main show. I look at them. Everyone is gorgeous. But I can't look away from Ian and Anthony. And here is where I stray from actually reviewing the show to let my inner fangirl out: holy fuck they are hot. Me and my friends on tumblr have been making 'forgive me Father, for I have SINNED' jokes because his character, 'the pastor', just brings that out in people. We're not used to Ian in black, or in a robe, and he looks phenomenal. And then there is Anthony, clothed in a ridiculous Harry Styles-esque lace top with lace gloves, resting his head on Ian's shoulder. It's such a cute moment, Ian pushes him upright. He can be alive for a second before his funeral. My heart melts. Honerable mention: Courtney's bikini girl cleavage right behind Ian. The girls were ready to rock. Okay, okay, back to the review.

The room feels kind of small and a bit claustrophobic. The Smosh art dept. always steps up, so the stained glass "friendship never dies" high-five looks incredible, and the megachad-Anthony portrait hilarious. The casket is huge. But the props make the set look even smaller. I think the problem is the cameras. I realize how difficult camerawork is when you have multiple focus points to switch between, but next time they should do a lot of practice with this to streamline, to get everyone in the shot and better capture people's reactions to the roasts.

Ian walks in. He starts off with a bit about who Anthony is: a hot, hardworking guy with a big dick. Those are the main takeaways of his roasts.

Amanda is next. She looks beautiful but very wacky. Her deliverance and accent are stellar, though. She truly is top talent at Smosh. Her roasts are also some of the most scorching of the night. She doesn't shy away from calling out Anthony's past problematic behavior and less than stellar performance in the bedroom ("look it up!") She gets a round of applause and deservedly so.

Tommy follows with a kind of angry roast, and proceeds to read the will, from which nobody comes away unscathed. I feels like his words about Anthony supposedly hating the cast are a necessary evil. Just the same day Anthony posted his interview with Shayne on his personal channel. There we learned that Shayne didn't know before if Ian and Anthony actually had wanted to hire them. Anthony said they were very much involved, something I don't know whether to believe. As apparently, Ian never talked about it with Shayne either, for all those years. Shayne had also been very apprehensive when Anthony came back, not knowing what would happen and the first change was to boot the entire cast off the main channel. I feel like Tommy's roast puts the topic on the table and hopefully they will talk about it more until nobody has any doubt left.

Now I have to insert that one of my main critiques of the night is that lots of people both did a lot of obvious jokes (tattoos, leaving smosh, general appearance) and did not go hard enough. Anthony kind of has an awkward CEO vibe (he's not the ceo but still) about him that seems to make even the cast a bit wary of him. I had hoped for jokes about that.

Brandon Rogers is next and rightfully points out the lack of celebrities in the line-up. Doesn't Anthony have more friends who want to roast him? Either he doesn't or the rest of Smosh don't have access to them. Which is both fine, because it is a Smosh party after all.

Arasha comes in swinging with all kinds of Zoomer slang that I frankly don't understand but her deadpan delivery is like a breath of fresh air. She ends with a very nice message. That kind of undercuts her roasts though, I wish she would have been meaner.

Now it is time for the musical half-time show, which actually deserves its own review. Performed by Angela and Chanse, this is incredible. By far, the most professional part of the evening. These are no theater kids, as they still call themselves. These are Broadway acTORS! I was really taken away by their talent. Not only do they act, but they also sing amazingly? Did you hear Angela do screamo?! And Chanse's riffs? They pointedly mention the sexual tension between Ian and Anthony, both on- and off screen. This has been occupying my mind ever since. Wow, sorry I went fangirl-mode again. But the halftime show simply is that good. Keith makes an appearance at the end and brings the show back down to earth with his humor.

The biggest surprise guests are next in what I can only describe as Dan telling the horny tale of his years long obsession with Anthony, and the many, many times he unloaded on the 'sexy Anthony' calender (which is a real calender, I was there when it came out but was broke at the time, darnit). Dan and Phil have been shedding their PG personas on their own channels for a while now, but for those who don't watch them daily this December - they're doing gamingmas and it's chaos - it is shocking what X-rated stuff comes out of their mouths. Anthony is visibly taken aback. Good!

As the show progresses, Ian keeps moderating as the pastor. It is great to see him so in control and enjoying the roast of his best friend. The joke of Ian not being able to show his emotions comes up a lot, but today I see him mainly just having fun.

Of course, then there is Bikini Girl, whom I had high hopes for, maybe too high. She is hilarious, but nothing really stings. Courtney does also direct the whole show, so super kudos to her. I just don't think she has the best roasts. She is followed by Rhett and Link, who just do their regular thing. It is funny but not very original. You can only hear so many tattoo jokes before it gets old. We do see Link's bare torso, so a win for fangirls (gender neutral).

Then Shayne, or should I say the Chosen has his turn. He is absolutely in character and does great. I just don't know if the Chosen is the best person to deliver roasts. It feels more like a Shayne party than a roast of Anthony. Which enough people love all the same, I'm sure.

Angela is 'the vessel', a possessed girl, reading the roasts from the audience. These roasts are very mid (they should have included mine! /j), but her delivery is again stellar. Smosh is really lucky to have her.

And last but not least, Ian goes on a second roasting spree. Only, it isn't a roast? He just makes fun of Anthony’s baby picture and then proceeds to tell Anthony how grateful he is for him, how he's so glad they are friends again and that he loves him? Anthony is crying by this time, which makes the moment even more tender.

Of course, Anthony has to do a counter-roast. It is apparent that he is still affected by all the roasting or 'love-bombing' as Amanda calls it. And he's not as good at live comedy yet. Still, his jokes are funny and really in Anthony's own style. He concludes with Ian's quote of being happy to burn Smosh to the ground with him. I knew that quote would be ingrained in Anthony's mind. It was one of the sweetest things Ian had ever said to him, after all. Until Ian has now told him he loves him, of course.

And then it was 5 am. I got a healthy two hours of sleep in! I came away from this roast with a content smile and a full heart. This was well worth the ticket, the staying up late. I am happy to be a member and support them monthly, I've loved their humor even before they started their youtube channel. I love Smosh. I'm so happy that Anthony is back. Smosh is whole again. And it brings out that light in Ian's eyes. He is funny in an unhinged way again. I truly love Anthony and Ian and their dumb videos. I want them to continue to make them forever. These kinds of live shows are fun. But Ian and Anthony truly shine in their off the walls absurdist sketches.

Special shout-out to my bestie @only-frann who I could scream at this whole day.

#smosh #Anthony’s funeral roast #Youtube

[butchniqabi]

god i honestly hate when theres an article or passed around statement (that may or may not be true) about how [really common food/ingredient] is ~secretly bad for you~ because like. god do yall really wanna die hungry and unsatisfied bc you stopped consuming anything that wasnt Three Specific Vegetables and bottled spring water? this isnt even like a "you MUST eat chocolate, wine, three loaves of bread, one pound of rice, and a pan full of bacon grease EVERY day" but like...dont you get tired of abstaining from shit completely bc it has the potential to cause problems in the future? like having a sandwich with white bread once a week will not kill you, i promise. and its just....hm...food is something people created because generally speqking humans like variety, different tastes and textures and the like. food constantly evolved because we Wanted to expand our palates, use new spices and fruits and herbs and meats, like its a very human thing! if our ancestors didnt on some level crave bread (and other carbs) they wouldnt have gone to the trouble to keep experimenting with the ingridients. additionally a large portion of cultures and nations on the planet have Some verion of bread so like...cmon now.

and before anyones like omg shut up youre literally fat 🙄 i did in fact do the rigid restriction, keto, no-drink-but-plain-water thing for a while and it made me feel physically and emotionally awful and is still affecting the way i view food to this day. i am so fucking lucky to have access to a wide variety of diverse foods, im not going to rob and starve myself out of some misplaced desire to assign morals to food groups. like idk maybe its just me but i honestly think there will come a point when almost every food will be slapped with a negative label by Someone, and obsessing about it seems needlessly stressful. like have some cornbread baby, eat your mother's homemade cookies, have some of your niece's ice cream cake, i promise it wont kill you!

(do not come into my inbox talking about x, y, or z diet created with the intent to lose weight bc i promise i do not give a fuck)

#feel free however to talk about your cultural diet <3 #ed mention #sorry i just keep seeing shit thats IRKING me

[chaifootsteps]

College anon dropping in to say that the dubs aren't very good. Some, like the french one, sound like the text went through google translate (and the dubbing in general is terrible despite France having a good rep in the industry). The Italian version of Poison is low-key good tho

As for my reaction to Poison, imagine that gif of the happy yellow emoji looking traumatized/dead inside. I stared at the screen wondering what led me to watching this and how ANYONE would think this was a good scene. Vivziepop claiming that the leaks don't represent the full scene was right for once... It was so much worse. I could think of a more tasteful way to picture it in 5 seconds, it isn't that hard. She could have even kept most of the scene, just remove the graphic stuff to keep the suggestive dancing (a smart idea that should have remained subtle) and maybe keep the Val part à la Addict to show that, yeah, on top of "working" all night (because the graphic scenes made it obvious he stopped "enjoying" work early during the night), Val SA'd him and that shows the entirety of the hell he's going through. It explains why he breaks down and lashes out. Viv didn't need to keep most of the SA, the entire thing was implied.

Also episode 4 comes out of left field. Yes, it was foreshadowed since the beginning but why is Angel suddenly returning his calls? We SAW him ignore Val. He clearly HATES him. Since when is Husk calling him out and badgering him about being "fake"?? They've known each other for a WEEK. It's way too early for that. It's like we're missing 3-4 episodes of development in-between. Angel reconnecting with Val and showing hints that this is indeed a facade, Husk knowing a lot about everyone and giving a damn... This should be a mid-end of season arc for Angel. I'd personally make it end of season 1 so that he can show change during season 2, beginning as someone new, someone who slowly tries to show he cares and let down his bravado in small amounts, with clear hints of being a little scared of the reactions, until it naturally becomes his full-time persona. Maybe have Charlie notice at some point and subtly encourage him, DELIGHTED (in caps because that girl is extra) that Angel is getting better but having to keep her excitement in in fear of scaring him off (because Charlie should have SOME sort of emotional intelligence ffs).

Loser, Baby feels out of place. This is NOT the appropriate reaction to Angel's words. Did they rewrite the dialogue but not the song?? Here's how it sounds:

Angel: I feel like I've gotta be Val's perfect whore all the time so I'm trying to break myself enough he will be alone—

Husk: Well, it's okay to be a loser, baby! Look at me, I'm a failure too. You ain't special and it's okay!

....So Angel is a loser/failure/broken but Val is still into him??? Did they realize that this should send him the wrong message?! That Val will "love" him no matter what and that Angel cannot be free, that he's been making himself miserable for NOTHING?? First of all, Husk's greediness and addictions are NOTHING like Angel's situation. He signed with his real name. That alone implies that Val snatched him early on as he arrived. On top of that, he's being abused every way possible on the regular, for no fault of his own, and is self-destructing. He cannot kill himself and Val won't let him be killed. This is NOTHING like Husk losing a game for more power and being forced to be a bartender.

Here's how it should have gone for the song to work:

Angel: So?! The real me is a good for nothing loser who died in a ditch from some shitty coke! THIS is the famous, hotter than Hell pornstar that everyone wanna fuck! And I've— I've gotta be the part. 'Cause if I'm not... If I ain't then who am I?

Angel's fear should have been about being seen as who he was, as some loser that nobody loved. Let him feel like he beat his father, that now he's someone so suck it dad! You were wrong! Let Angel behave as if his life was a porn movie because that's all he knows now and what he thinks he should be like. Instead of trying to ruin himself so that Val discards him, have him try to be perfect... Because that'll stop the abuse, right? Val is happy when he acts like that. The perverts worship him. No one cares about Anthony.

That would make Loser, Baby work. It would achieve its goal of saying "it's okay to suck, we all do! Look at me, I'm a loser but my life isn't over!" and get Angel to accept that he's enough as he is. If you add in a few episodes beforehand to set it up, it could have worked better instead of being insensitive.

Personally I would have entirely changed the Angel/Val dynamic. Val can still be a whiny bitch but not in a drama queen way as is implied. He gets like that whenever he loses control of his favorite. Have one of the Vees groan and say something about Angel having done something as if it happened often. Make them used to Val throwing a fit because he didn't get what he wanted out of Angel or because he's having a jealousy fit. It already makes Val more controlling. It'll make the messages scene hit harder as, yeah, we can see why Angel left, the dude is unstable and obsessed. I'd be a little more fucked-up and have Angel kinda love him. Ofc in the Stockholm Syndrome way, he's been abused so much he's too attached to leave. That shift in dynamic would explain why he eventually goes back despite everything. Like in the show, he feels ignored in favor of the new resident and the way he's dismissed and talked about makes him feel like shit. He checks his phone again and ends up listening to Val's new voice messages... And this time, they're sickeningly sweet in a row. He's sorry, he's begging for him to come back. He loves him. And that's enough for Angel to go out or answer him. Put a few episodes in-between where Angel seems... Off? How weird, he's jumpy, more on his phone. He's out for parts of the episodes or clearly focused on something else. Then we get episode 4, where everyone culminates to show how bad the situation is for him. I'd personally not have Val hit him. He's smart enough to not leave bruises on his top whore. However, he's manipulative and threatening. There's no doubt that he COULD hit Angel whenever, especially with the way he cowers. Angel tries to diffuse the situation, so well that it's heartbreaking, and he gets bold. That line when he doesn't reply "Yes Val" is meant with silence as we wait for Val's reaction, waiting for him to blow up. A beat. He doesn't. He's not calm but he's not as angry. He's not going to hit him. He thanks Angel, touching him while the other flinches, a hint that he handles Angel roughly in this kind of situation, and just as Angel looks relieved, he announces that he'll have to work all night, distressing Angel again.

Ofc that would require extensive research and talk to specialists to do it well. Viv's audience can be stupid so it's more of a struggle to make it clear that none of this is Angel's fault and to not romantize this shit but it's more interesting than Val being so obviously abusive. IMHO he almost transformed into someone else in that episode and it could work but we didn't see enough of him to go "oh that's the old abuser trick! he's not as nice as he is with others when he's with his victim!". Idk how to put it sensibly but the impression he gave me was "whiny manchild who sadly was given enough power by Daddy Vox to abuse someone" instead of the intended "terrifying Overlord who is unstable and abusing his power to abuse whichever worker he fancies at the moment". I dunno Chai I just think it would work better if he were more manipulative and welding his power in other ways than by force. Like Angel isn't scared by his strength but by his influence. Also I would low-key find a way to make it so that Angel, mistakenly, thinks he can get away with some things to explain how he'd leave for the Hotel. Like having him not be a perfect victim. While he tries to cater to Val and keep him happy out of fear (and/or care because abuse fucks you up), he sometimes provokes him or tries to do his own thing. It'd show he's his own person and stuff. Sadly that would be lost on Viv's stans and it would absolutely spark some victim-shaming stuff or worse. But I think if she's gonna try to portray something like this, she could do with some nuance and not so... Cliché? Of course, it happens like this to too many people but it feels like she's applying a trope with no thought into it. The most cookie-cutter depiction she could do for quick satisfaction or to tick that case. A bit like how Stolitz is a mix of multiple tropes and is a terribly done version of that trope where a noble falls in love with someone whose class is lower with a sprinkle of badly done transactional relationship that sparks feelings. Thinking of HB, HH has better representation of abuse but not by much. I feel like if Stella was a man, she'd have written it this way? It felt like fetish fuel hiding underneath the surface whereas Stella was lazy writing.

I dunno man, I wanted to rant about Charlie and her design but episode 4 hit me like a wall of bricks

Thank you for all of this, College Anon. This was a great read, and you're right, the Italian version of Poison goes so much harder than the English.

Also Italian Val's voice is...yeah, 10/10 stars on that one. Mama mia.

#Anonymous #viv stuff #actual blog post #hazbin hotel critical #video reply

[inkandguns]

I’m having a veteran moment.

I absolutely can’t stand hearing the civilians try to Monday morning quarterback the Israel/Hamas conflict.

There’s two classes of men - the warrior class and non-warrior class. Those who have carried arms in to battle against other men simply can’t convey the gravity of that to men that haven’t.

The warrior class answered the call of duty - to nation, family, or home. They prepared for months or years to greet the enemy in battle. They savored mere minutes of sleep in mud and shitholes across the globe. When I hear the words, “I would have enlisted, but…” I am filled with emotions. Since I moved away from Fort Carson I haven’t given it much thought. I’ve met maybe one or two combat vets in Washington.

In many situations I feel alone. The non-warrior class is so foreign to me that sometimes I feel like no one will ever understand me. But this week I’ve felt a shitload of anger. Hearing civilians discuss a bloody and hateful armed conflict has been making my blood boil.

Please, and by all means, discuss the geopolitics of the conflict. Discuss the implications for first world nations. But it enrages me when these soft-hands desk worker types get involved in the tactical discussions. It’s like hearing Walmart cashiers discuss the finer (or not so fine) points of astrophysics.

What frustrates me even more is that people fail to understand why those of us who have experienced war want to avoid it at all costs.

I took a pragmatic view of land warfare. It’s a necessary part of human existence. It made me a better man and made me have a new level of respect for my fellow humans, but it also made me understand that the taking of a human life must be absolutely deliberate and justified. One can only rally have a true and genuine appreciation of life once they realize how fleeting it is.

Loomer and Shapiro say wipe Gaza off the map, the DSA says spill more Jewish blood. Meanwhile, men of the warrior class are putting in real work.

But for me, personally, I don’t want any of my tax dollars going to more bloodshed in a region of the world where they can’t stop killing each other.

After seeing broken bodies by the roadside and family members grieving war casualties, I have a strange relationship with war. I’ve lost brothers to suicide, and struggled with it myself at times.

Now when I put a shovel in to the dirt in mid-May to start my crop, I think about my old, “enemy” in Afghanistan. Not so different from me, he wants to raise a family, grow some good weed, and care for his animals - he wants to honor his god too. The only way I could meet s man so similar to myself in combat would be at the behest of men more powerful than us.

And when those men are soft-hands, desk worker type fuckers, it makes my anger heat up. When I hear B-Shap in the hizzouse and Loomer talk about a brutal military campaign I can feel it in my heart. That would be bad. The attacks over the weekend were bad.

Over the weekend on both sides, brothers were lost and warriors were laid to rest. And the fucking most sickening part to me is the pundits who have never served get all of the attention and money.

I think the lie that the VA tells you is that someday you might be “normal” after land warfare. To those that I know, and those that I don’t who have gone back to total normalcy after the war - I’m envious.

[lalaluvvs]

The beach

cw: angst (sorry i can't help myself !!)

The waves crashed beautifully in front of him. Satoru sat by the rocks along the edge of the beach, taking in the salty air nad exhaling the anxiety he felt all over. Suguru asked him to meet up. He still had trouble catching his breath minutes after running from his home. It was such a beautiful night. He hoped the waves wouldnt judge him the way he was judging himself right now.

So much time passes that it worries him. What if he doesn't show up? What if this is just some sick prank to yank his heart out all over again? What if-

The sand crunches beside him, and his scent is the first thing Satoru can take in. He looks up at the man before him, beautiful as ever. So why did it pain him to look him in the eye? Suguru smiles beautifully, as he always does, because he can't contain his own beauty. Even that smile had a glimpse of pain behind it.

"You came."

"I had no choice." Satoru grumbles, crossing his arms over his knees and resting his head there, like a child on timeout.

"You always have a choice with me." He looks directly at Gojo, hoping to get his attention once more, to look him in the eye and catch that glimmer of admiration. It doesnt come, but he would always try for it.

"No." Gojo paints figures in the sand with his finger. "No, not with you. You know I would do anything for you."

Suguru grunts, looking down at his hands as he goes over the events of the previous week.

Outside, in the street, he embarassed Satoru. The only person he had ever loved with conviction. He knew, to a point, that his ideas were drastic. But he couldn't change the way he felt. Not even for Satoru. Still, he never meant to hurt him.

He chuckles lightly, making Satoru glare at him from the corner of his eye. "Shouldn't we have gone someplace more private?"

Satoru just stares at him, suddenly wishing he had the power to read his mind.

"Ha. So we can kiss and make up?" Satoru pokes.

"Well, no. I'm a wanted man now, aren't I? It wouldn't do good for you to be seen with the likes of me."

Satoru is shocked. He's so... different. Only a week has passed and yet he seems like he's aged decades. The lines under his eyes do little to change that.

"You aren't sleeping."

Suguru laughs, drawing mindless figures in the sand right beside Gojo's, which makes the other man stop to watch.

"I'm a busy man now."

"Oh. Are you?"

Suguru turns on his side to face him. "Don't be bitter. If you came with me we could be the strongest together. Like always."

"There's nothing strong in killing innocent people. You should know that!"

Suguru puts a finger to Satoru's lips, and somehow that seems to work for him. The sea screams back at them, waves thundering loudly in the uncomfortable silence.

"I'm sorry. Let's not... talk about this." He slowly moves his finger back. "This isn't why I called you here."

Satoru considers him for a moment, then locks eyes with him. The fire he holds in them is undeniable now.

"Why else would you call me here?"

"I just..." Suguru looks away, suddenly embarassed. "Needed to see you."

His blatant honesty is nothing new, but the confession stirs something within Satoru's mostly dead heart.

"See me?"

Suguru nods, never losing his eyes. He wants to stay like this forever, admiring the soft glow of his features in the moonlight.

"Why would you want to see me?" Nothing made sense to Satoru now. He was sure Suguru hated him. Now he had to come to the realization that Suguru missed him, and had wanted to see him. How long did he go thinking about him before he called?

Suguru shifts in the sand, staring out at the expanse of open sea and wave-flattened sand. It had a beautiful blue hue to it that reminded him too much of what he lost. Well, what he was losing.

"I missed your voice. And the way you made me laugh when nothing was funny at all." Suguru sighs, looking down to hide the tears forming around his eyes. "This success I have... its nothing without you there with me."

Satoru reaches out hesitantly, eventually deciding to go for it. He rests a comforting hand on his shoulder. The touch is familiar, but it feels so foreign to them now. It doesn't carry the same meaning as it did before.

"I love you, Satoru."

"I know."

Satoru tries to get in his face to meet his avoidant eyes, but he can't seem to find them. Suddenly, he catches his face in his pale hands and forces their eyes to meet. Even sad, Suguru's brown eyes sparkled majestically.

"If I say it back, it would only hurt more."

Suguru nods. Theyre both old enough to know what this means. It hurt the most, truly, to belong to two different mindsets when just wishing to become one. They had different goals now. Totally different morals.

"I... I just wish I could change."

Satoru, still holding his face, wipes a falling tear from his cheek with is thumb. He smiles dumbly at Suguru. "I wish I would've been there for you. So you didn't have to start thinking this way."

Suguru cups his cheek in his right hand, tilting his head to the side. "Oh, Satoru. You were always so full of hope." He clenches his eyes shut, hoping to will away the pain building up inside of him. "I would've left no matter what." It just hurt to leave you.

Suguru was the only one who could truly silence him. That was true even now, as they broke eachothers' hearts for the nth time.

Satoru lets his hands fall, and Suguru pulls his own hand away. He can't help but notice the distant look in Satorus eyes, and the anger he feels with himself washes over his body. He shouldn't have come, for Satoru's sake. But, selfishly, he was glad to see him one last time.

They sit beside each other, close but not nearly close enough. They watch the slight glimpse of sunlight stretch across the horizon, poking through and casting an orange glow on their surroundings. It was beatiful. He remembered sleepless nights like these, staying up with Satoru to watch the sunset in silence. He always wished he could go back to simpler times.

As the sun begins to rize over the sea, Satoru rests his head upon his shoulder and closes the distance between them. Awkwardly, Suguru wraps his arm around him. To pull him closer, or to keep him from running, he wasn't yet sure.

They stay like this, comfrotable and hidden from the world for a moment. Here, in this moment, neither of them cared if they were caught. They could simply exist for a while, without explanation.

He feels the hum of Satoru's words against his neck before he registers them in his brain. "The next time I see you, I'll have to kill you."

Strangely, there's no malice in his words. He doesn't think Satoru could ever have that for him.

He chuckles, brushing his fingers carefully through his white hair. "I know."

They know their time is up when the sun reaches up to the sky and the loud chirping of seagulls fills the salty air.

Not knowing what else to do, Satoru shifts to meet his eyes, and he kisses him. Suguru kisses back. A longing kiss full of pain and deep devotion. They give it their all, knowing things would never be the same again.

Satoru stands up way before it should be over. Suguru stares at his feet, replaying the events in his head over and over so he'd hopefully commit the scene to memory.

"Don't call me again." His footsteps leave prints in the sand as he wanders off, the only evidence left of him. That and this aching pain in his heart.

Suguru never calls him back. He never goes to the beach. He never falls in love again.

#satosugu #stsg #gojo satoru #gojo x geto #jjk #goge #jjk fic #jujutsu kaisen #jjk geto #geto suguru

[naiatabris]

celebration

This is a little drabble I wrote that didn't quite fit in "Last Light." I think even after the graveyard scene, Astarion would occasionally struggle with setting boundaries around sex and feel anxiety about saying "no," even with a partner who's supportive and deeply trusted. I wanted to explore what that might look like in the very bittersweet aftermath of the final battle. If you've read this far thanks for indulging my brainworms, and hope you enjoy! (Small content warning: consensual bite.)

**********

The bath water was cold, but Astarion could not bring himself to get out of it.

They’d done it. They’d killed the Elder Brain—or Nether Brain, or whatever it had been by that point. They’d saved the damn world. And it had cost Astarion exactly what he’d feared it would. It had cost him the sun.

He’d thought himself prepared for the possibility. Not a day had gone by since Cazador’s death that he didn’t wonder how much longer the tadpole would protect him. But some part of him, some stupid little part that had failed to learn all the lessons of these past two centuries, had hoped that the tadpole’s changes were permanent. As usual, hope had turned itself around on him and stabbed sharper than any dagger. He felt ragged, wretched, nothing like a man who had just faced down an apocalypse and come out on top.

It's our moment of triumph. And I’m ruining it for her.

Hells. He should have been whisking Lia into his arms, carrying her to his bed, celebrating the fact that they had nothing to do for the next several weeks except enjoy each others’ company and bodies. But now he was once again what Cazador had made him, a helpless spawn trapped in the shadows, and the thought of being intimate with her tonight raised all the old shame and disgust.

He shoved his hand against the surface of the water angrily, raising a little wave, his face tightening in frustration. Gods, he’d only just gotten himself back, rediscovered his own desire. And at the first setback it had slipped through his fingers like a fumbled coin.

Drying off and pulling on his old favorite clothes helped a bit, helped his body feel almost like his again. But he still felt a sinking sense of dread as he pushed open the door to their common room at the Elfsong. He was going to disappoint her. She’d be kind about it, of course, but he’d see it in her eyes. She was going to be reminded of all the things he could not give her, all the reasons why she should have told him “no” at his grave. 

When he entered the room he spotted Lia sitting at the fire, the owlbear cub’s head in her lap. She was staring into the flames as if they had hypnotized her, slumped against the back cushions, her eyes were open but miles away. She did not seem to register his presence, and she did not look like her usual self.

Astarion felt his brow furrow a bit. “Darling?”

She blinked and sat up. “There you are,” she said sheepishly. “Sorry. A lot to think about.” She turned to look at him and frowned, clearly seeing something in his face. “Is everything all right?”

“No.” The word slipped out of its own accord. “I—could we speak in private?”

The furrow between her brows deepened, but she nodded and stood, following him into his room, drawing a deep breath as he shut the door.

“I don’t want to have sex tonight,” he blurted.

He readied himself for disappointment or frustration on her face, for an oh-so-patient sigh, or a look of pity. But all he saw was a lessening of the worry.

“Gods, I thought you were going to say—well, never mind that,” she said, shaking her head. “Astarion, it’s all right. Really. I—”

“It’s not,” he burst out, frustration making the words angrier than he’d intended. “We fucking won. We should be celebrating, damn it. Enjoying our victory, enjoying each other! Instead I can’t stop feeling fucking sorry for myself, sorry for what I lost. I hate that I won’t be able to watch the sun rise tomorrow. I hate it! And it’s all I can think about, and it’s the last thing I should be thinking about, and it doesn’t change how much I want you but I—somehow I don’t want to, not even with you.” He ran his fingers into his damp hair. “Am I making any sense? Hells, I only half understand what’s going on in my head.”

“Oh, Astarion.” Lia bit her lip in worry, and seemed about to reach for him, but pulled her hand back. Then she rubbed the hand across her eyes as her shoulders sagged. She drew a heavy breath. “Well, it might help to know that if you’d suggested sex tonight, I would have said no.”

Astarion drew himself up a bit straighter and blinked in surprise. He’d tied himself in so many knots worrying that he would disappoint her, but it hadn’t even occurred to him that she might not be interested. 

For the first time since the bath he really looked at her face. Lia was clean and healed, and should have looked much better than she had covered in bruises and muck and gore at the docks—but there were shadows on her face and a weary set to her frame, and it looked very much as if tears were shimmering in her eyes.

“I don’t feel like celebrating anything,” she continued, her voice wobbling as she wrapped one arm around herself. “Orpheus’s fate was awful and I feel so guilty about it. I miss Lae’zel and Wyll, and I’m so angry that Karlach had to go back to Avernus, and it’s not fair that you lost the sun, and I’m… gods, I’m exhausted, Astarion,” she said, half-laughing, though he could sense that she was doing it to keep herself from crying. “I’ve never been so tired in my life, not even the day we fought Myrkul. It was all I could do to keep my eyes open in front of the fire. The only reason I even tried was because I know you need to feed.”

Astarion felt as if the world was rearranging itself in front of him. Here he’d thought that he was ruining something for her. But there on her face was all the same conflict and weariness and sadness that he felt. Though he didn’t like the thought of her feeling it, the knowledge that he was not alone in his misery eased some of the bitter ache in his chest.

Instinctively, Astarion stepped forward and gathered Lia into his arms, pulling her head to rest against his shoulder. He felt her sag into him, leaning on him for support, and he held her close, stroking her hair. “Poor darling. And here I was, taking my time and wallowing,” he said ruefully.

“You don’t have to apologize.” She looked up at him with concern. “And I meant what I said, you know. You don’t have to sleep with me to be with me. If you don’t want sex again for a while I really do understand.” She swallowed. “I can go back to my own room, if that seems better for now.”

“Oh gods, don’t you dare,” he groaned, tightening his arms around her. “I’m sorry, my love. I know I’m an utter mess tonight. But I also know that if I wake up tomorrow and don’t see your face, I am going to be even more of a miserable wreck than I am now.”

“Let’s get comfortable so you can feed, then,” she said warmly, touching his cheek with the tips of her fingers. “And then I’m sleeping as long and as heavily as I can. I mean it. I might snore.”

He let out an unsteady chuckle. “Oh hells. You snore? I regret this relationship already,” he joked, swallowing as a few tears threatened his own eyes.

“Too late,” she said, laughing a bit. “You’re stuck with me.”

They wound up spooning in the bed, Lia warm and soft in the curve of Astarion’s body, close and comfortable together. Astarion breathed in her scent for a moment and felt a sort of peace flow through him. His anger and disappointment were still there, still heavy within him, but for the first time since he’d felt the sun’s burn he believed that their weight would lessen in time. And he could feel Lia relax as well, could hear her breath slow as she sank into the pillow and she nestled herself against him. 

He bit her neck as gently as he could, felt gratitude flood him as her blood filled his mouth, felt the echoes of the sun’s damage fade as the strength from her gift coursed through him. He pulled his fangs from her skin with only a little reluctance and ran his tongue over the bite marks, cleaning up the traces of blood.

“Thank you, darling,” he whispered. “All done.”

“Mmmkay. Going to sleep now,” she mumbled hazily. “Night, Astarion. Love you.”

“I love you too.” He pressed his forehead into the back of her head, closing his eyes and tightening his arms around her. “Gods, I really love you.”

A deep, shuddering breath let him know she had not heard. Sleep had already found her. But he hoped that somehow she knew anyway.

Also up on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53386624

#my writing #drabble #astarion x tav #astarion x lia #bg3 fanfiction

[tired-hq]

𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐭.

spencer reid x gn!reader

‼ swearing, angst, crying, feelings of worthlessness, hatred of mirrors, fluff towards the end ‼

" i have no idea who i am anymore " you feels lost and you don’t know how to get out of the black hole of sadness that’s consuming you.

Sadness could feel like a small, empty room yet it could also feel like being in the middle of the ocean while in a storm. That’s what you hated most about feeling like this. Or maybe it was because no matter how many people were around you, you felt utterly alone. Sadness was one of the most powerful human emotions, it could kill you or bring you to the brink of insanity. 

Here you are, thinking about your sadness which is causing you to be even sadder. Guess it is true what they say, with knowledge there is sadness. The only person who’s realized your saddened state was your fiance, Dr. Spencer Reid. So many women wanted him. You felt extremely lucky when he asked you to marry him, so why were you so sad? Maybe, it was because he was somebody and you were nobody? Or could it have been that you’ve had a sudden realization of self-hatred? It had been weeks since you have been able to look at yourself in the mirror without breaking down or feeling nothing but disgust. While Spencer is gone you cover the mirrors with blankets and sheets, when he comes home you try my best to avoid them.

Sitting in the window, you hear the front door unlock.

“Hey, honey” His voice echos as he calls out for you, however you don’t answer. Your voice is much too hoarse to reply at all.

He turns on the lights as you were once sitting in the dark. 

“Sweetheart..? Are you alright?” You can hear his footsteps approaching you.

You nod in response, hoping he would drop the subject at hand.

“..No, you aren’t” He answers his own question from my body movements.

He wraps his arms around your shoulders and presses a kiss to the side of your head. An empty wine glasses clinks the window pane as you fiddle with it in your palms. Spencer’s sigh makes you feel like you’ve disappointed him, you knew that wasn’t his intention. however, it still made you feel guilty. 

“I only had one glass this time..” You reply to his sigh.

“Drinking won’t help” He told me.

"I know..but it’s better than cutting myself..” The last part comes out of your mouth so quickly that it takes you a minute to process what you said, you weren't thinking...or were you?

His eyes fill with so much concern, “What?”

“...That’s where I am at this point..” You mumble under your breath so he could just barely hear me.

“I’m sorry...” Spencer’s head hung low.

“Not your fault” You look over to him.

“I should’ve been here more..I-” Spencer stops as you cut him off.

“It’s nothing you did, okay love?!” You try your best to convince him.

“Then what is it?”

“I-I...I have no idea who I am anymore..!” You burst out, sobbing.

“And it sc-scares me so bad, because h-how am I supposed to be the person you love if i don’t know who i am!”

“I fell in love with the person you were, the person you are, and the person you’re going to be...I’ll love you through small, empty rooms and stormy oceans. Because you, Y/n Reid, are who I love with my entire soul and body. I love you with all of my entirety, you may not be perfect...neither am I. We can be imperfect together, to me your flaws are outstanding. I asked you for your hand in marriage because you make me feel like no other.”

There it was, the trigger. Next thing you know you're balling your eyes out. But he was there, he held you in his arms, he loved you even if you didn’t know who you is...

-𝙧𝙤𝙧𝙮 ☆!

#💬 —tired. #criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #dr. spencer reid #criminal minds spencer reid #criminal minds x reader #angst #angst with a happy ending