#i just think its hilarious that he watched the 'gay is in gay is hot' scene with me while under the assumption that im straight

[cottoncandysprite]

My father somehow didn't know I'm gay... Yes the giant pride flag and pride bracelet I wear daily and wanting to go to pride and all my favorite shows having queer main characters and me saying i had a girlfriend in 9th grade is all just bc I'm a big ally

#good news is he isnt actually homophobic #all things considered hes actually a decent ally #my moms just been assuming bad faith about him for years no matter how much he tries to get better #i just think its hilarious that he watched the 'gay is in gay is hot' scene with me while under the assumption that im straight #like????? ok lmao #ramblies

[softshrimpy]

How To Woo A Hot Principal

Chapter 1/?: Step 1- Shameless Flirting

Summary: Working at the weathervane was exactly what you needed. The routine, the people, your co-worked. It certainly helped that a certain tall, blonde, fucking gorgeous woman happened to frequent the cafe. Now some may call hopelessly flirting with your customers inappropriate behavior.

But truly, when it came it Larissa Weems, who could blame you?

I’m just in love with Larissa Weems and a silly bitch. I hope you enjoy ✨🦐

Chapter 2

Cross posted to AO3 Here

HTWAHP Masterlist

——————————————————————————

“Just because I like older women does not mean I’m a homewrecker.”

“Huh, interesting.”

“You’re telling me you’ve known me for three months now and this whole time you thought I was out here waiting to ruin a marriage?”

“In my defence-“

“I can’t believe this, I thought we were friends Kingston. Now I have to rethink everything.” You sighed, dramatically.

“You’re the most dramatic person I’ve ever met.” He chuckles.

You slap him with your cloth, scoffing at his comment before going back to cleaning the coffee machine.

You had been in Jericho for a total of three and a half months. It was a quaint little town, a bit hyper-focused on their pilgrim ancestry but not the worst small town you’d experienced. You had been working at the Weathervane since you’d arrived, enjoying the routine it provided and the socializing. That was where you had met James Kingston (A British man disguised as a regular person in your professional opinion. I mean what kind of name is James Kingston anyway?). The two of you had become fast friends, partly due to the work you did and partly because he found you hilarious and you found him tolerable. (this is a lie, you love him dearly.)

Working as a barista meant you got to know most of the residents of Jericho quite quickly. Some you found infinitely more interesting than others.

“Oh look its your lady crush.” James comments, wheezing when you whip around from what you were doing to stare out the window.

“Shut up, I just- I respect a woman in power that’s all.”

“Oh I’m sure its all respect in that filthy brain of yours when you think of her.”

“Fuck off.” You laughed, hurrying to the register when you saw her coming through the door.

“Good morning miss Weems.” You greeted, doing your best to shut your heart up and give her a relatively normal smile.

“How many times have I told you to call me Larissa darling.” She smiles, much to the chagrin of your heart-calming plans.

“She’s a bit slow this one.” James jokes, earning him a swift kick on the shin.

“Your usual, Larissa?” You ask.

She nods, chuckling at the two of you before moving to sit at one of the booths. Larissa came around often enough, usually in the mornings, you assumed before the academy day officially started. Sometimes she’d come around after dropping one of the students at Dr Kinbotts. You lived for the times she stopped by, almost always kicking James off the register if he was stationed there just to talk to her. So yes, you had a massive crush on the woman. But honestly? Who could blame you? She was a goddess among you mere mortals and you were simply relishing in her heavenly presence when you could.

Christ, you were a useless gay.

You finished making her usual, quickly doodling a small flower next to her name before taking it to her. You place it down on the table with a flourish, bowing dramatically.

“Your coffee my fair lady.”

She chuckles, shaking her head at your antics before standing, coffee in hand.

“Thank you, y/n. You always make my mornings delightful.” She hums, squeezing your arm as she leaves.

You watch as she goes, a dreamy smile on your face, before proudly strutting back behind the counter. James giggles at you earning him yet another smack with the towel.

The rest of your day is pretty mundane. Dr Kinbott stops by at around 12 for her usual. The sheriff comes around and gets an Americano to go (You suspect he’s actually just checking on Tyler.) Throughout the day you’re giddy thanks to Larissa. You often find yourself daydreaming about what it would be like to see her more often. You think perhaps you might actually implode if she were to ever have more than a two-minute conversation with you. You finish up the day with Tyler, letting him leave before closing up. All in all, a regular day in Jericho.

You were working your regular Saturday shift when Larissa arrived, looking rather upset. She placed her order and sat down at a booth, pulling out her laptop and getting to work. You made sure to put a little extra sugar in her coffee and grabbed one of the choc chip cookies before bringing it to her. You placed it down on her table, earning a mumbled thanks as she picked up the coffee. It took her a moment to notice the cookie, but when she did she glanced up at you questioningly.

“It’s on the house. You look like you’re having a shitty day so I thought you could use a little something to make your day a bit better.” You smiled, clasping your hands behind your back.

“You really are too kind to me,” she mumbled, taking a sip of her coffee.

“Pffft, Nah. You deserve it.” You brushed her off. You took a moment before speaking again. “I know we don’t know each other that well but uh if you want to talk I’m here. And I can give brilliant commentary, no advice though, I’d probably encourage murder or something equally illegal.”

She laughs, covering her mouth with her hand. You think her laugh might be one of your favourite sounds.

“That’s very sweet, but aren’t you busy with your work?” she asks.

At that, you throw your apron off and over your shoulder and sit down across from her.

“Galpin’s pretty competent, plus he owes me one anyway. So spill.”

She considers you for a moment, before heaving a sigh.

“The academy is receiving a new student next week.” She starts. “Which under usual circumstances would be fantastic, however, this student happens to be the daughter of… an ex-paramour of mine.” She mumbles, almost drawing in on herself.

“Did they do something awful that made you break up with them?” you ask.

“No actually, uh she broke up with me…for the man that is now her husband.”

You stare at her for a moment, mouth agape.

“You’re telling me someone chose to walk away from you? But you’re- I mean you’re gorgeous and smart and- was she blind?? Was she dumb?? I mean obviously, she was but… what.”

She chuckles at your outburst, cheeks flushing slightly.

“Yes, well, they seem very happy together. And I’m sure she’ll rub that in my face in some offhand way. And she’ll make jokes about me marrying my job because ‘no one else would want me’ which I-I mean it’s not- that’s not why I’m so devoted to the school!”

“She sounds like a bitch.” You comment, “I can throw hot coffee at her if that’ll make you feel better?”

“You’re very sweet but that’s assault darling.”

“I’d literally kill a man for you no questions asked, assault is nothing.”

She chuckles, swatting at your arm before sighing again and dropping her head into her hands.

“Well, look, I don’t know who your ex is, the stupid bitch, but you have become a talented, successful, absolutely gorgeous woman. So, no matter what happened between you or what she does whenever you see her, know that she’s just a jealous, silly old hag who could never be half as brilliant as you are.”

She stares at you at that, her eyes bright. You wait for her to say something, feeling yourself get more nervous the longer she stays silent. You play with your fingers, thinking perhaps you went too far and have now fucked any and all chances of having even a friendship with this gorgeous woman.

You stand up, pull your apron back on and do your best not to overthink every word you’ve said.

“Uhm, sorry, have-have a great day Larissa.” You mumble turning to walk away.

Suddenly she grabs your wrist, stopping you and turning you around. She stands up, towering over you. She looks down at you, a dazzling smile on her face. And then, by the gods, she bends down and presses a kiss to your cheek, and hot fucking damn you almost spontaneously combust on the spot. You stare up at her, awestruck and definitely blushing madly.

“Thank you, y/n” she smiles. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

And with that, she squeezes your wrist, giving you a dazzling smile and leasing the coffee shop. You watch after her like a lovesick puppy, heart racing.

You’re absolutely whipped for this woman.

Larissa didn’t come around for the next few days. But you knew she was a busy woman, she had things to do. You definitely weren’t considering changing your name and fleeing the country thinking she now didn’t want to see your face again after what you said and her thanking you was just because she felt awkward. Definitely not.

You found yourself glancing out the window every five minutes or perking up whenever the bell above the door would ring, only to deflate when it wasn’t Larissa walking in. You were busy wiping down one of the tables when James appeared at your side.

“My bestie in Christ, you know I love you, but you currently look like an abandoned puppy.”

“I do not,” you scoff.

“Sure, sure... Oh hey, Larissa!”

You whip around faster than you’ve ever moved in your life, coming face to face with an empty doorway. You scowl as you hear James wheeze next to you.

“Don’t forget we work with hot coffee. And accidents happen, Kingston.”

He laughs at your threat, patting your shoulder as he heads back to the counter. You continue working for a while before James pipes up again.

“Oh damn. Good morning miss Weems.”

“That’s it, give me the boiling water I’m giving you the wicked witch of the west treatment.”

“Now why would you be burning your friend at the mention of my name?” a velvet voice speaks from behind you.

You spin around on the spot, gaping at the woman behind you. There she stands, all tall and gorgeous and dreamy. You feel yourself blushing as you try to stand straighter and lean on the table you were cleaning. Unfortunately, you did such a great job that you slip and all but fall on your ass. You’re tempted once again to throw boiling water on James as he cackles at you. Larissa, the kind goddess she is, rushes over and offers you a hand.

When she pulls you up you realize you greatly underestimated how close she would be as you’re now toe to toe with her, staring up at her, cheeks aflame. She smiles down at you, her hand still holding yours as her other arm settles on your waist. You’re barely breathing at this point and then she has the audacity to flash you the cutest smile.

You take your chance to take her in up close, knowing you’ll probably never get this close to the goddess ever again. You notice the crow’s feet at the edge of her eyes and the slight bags under them she tried to hide with makeup. You also notice she smells absolutely fucking divine, you can’t quite pinpoint what it is but it suits her so well. You know you’re staring and you should stop, but you can’t help it.

“You should be more careful, sweetheart.” She murmurs, her eyes sparkling. “I wouldn’t want my favourite barista getting hurt.”

You’re still gaping at her, your brain turned to mush at the way she spoke, low and velvety. You open your mouth to speak but can’t seem to find anything clever to say, for once. Something she takes full advantage of.

“What’s wrong darling? Cat got your tongue?” she whispers, and oh god is she getting closer? She looks closer.

You’re startled back into the waking world when James accidentally drops something, the loud clanging making you jump back from the woman in front of you, heart racing and body flushed. Larissa drops her hands from their hold on you, stepping back slightly. You internally whimper at the loss of her touch and then immediately internally scold yourself for being so uselessly gay.

“So uh, how-how has everything been? I haven’t uh seen you around lately.” You commented, sliding behind the counter and getting started on her drink.

“It’s certainly been an eventful few days, to say the least.“ she sighed, leaning onto the counter.

“Well, you were dearly missed at our humble café.” You remark, placing her drink in front of her.

She chuckles at that taking a sip of her drink before letting out a relaxed sigh.

“God I could’ve used this yesterday.”

“The drink or my riveting conversation?” you joke.

“Perhaps both.” She hums.

“Well, I mean we could always deliver to your office on the days you can’t get here.” James offers, grinning at you.

“Oh no, I wouldn’t want to cause any trouble-” Larissa starts.

“It wouldn’t be any trouble at all. Isn’t that right?” he comments elbowing you suggestively.

“Oh! No of course it would- I would be honoured- I mean it would be my pleasure Larissa really.” You manage, giddy at the prospect of delivering her coffee every day.

“Really you don’t have to go through any extra fuss for me we have coffee at Nevermore so I-“

“You’re worth the fuss though.” You say, and then immediately want to shoot yourself for speaking aloud.

Silence falls between the three of you, Larissa looking shocked, James at a loss and you mentally preparing what to put on your tombstone. It’s a while before Larissa speaks.

“Well, when you put it like that how can I say no hm?”

“So, I get to deliver you coffee every day?” you grin, tapping the counter a few times in excitement.

“If that’s what you want, sweetheart. You can bring it to my office, I’ll expect you before nine.” She hums, turning to leave.

“Yes ma’am! I won’t let you down” you respond, giving her a mock salute.

She chuckles, waving at you and waits a fucking second did she just fucking wink at you?? Oh, Jesus on skates your life just keeps getting better and better. As soon as she’s outside and gone from view you all but squeal, throwing yourself at James.

#wlw #larissa weems #principal weems #wednesday #larissa weems x reader #principal weems x reader #larissa weems x you #HTWAHP

[ingravinoveritas]

UMMMM DOCTOR AGREEING WITH DONNA SAYING ISSAC NEWTON WAS HOT?!!!!!!! AND THEN WHEN HE ASKS IF HE DOES THINGS LIKE THAT DONNA WAS SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT HIS SEXUALITY ALWAYS BEING ON THE SURFACE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hoo, boy. Well, I just watched the second of the DW 60th anniversary specials ("Wild Blue Yonder"), and let me say...that was fucking awesome. As I've mentioned previously, I am a very casual Doctor Who viewer, but this felt so much tighter and stronger than "Star Beast" by several orders of measure. I know everyone talks about DW being owned by Disney now and how that has affected the budget, but this episode more than proved that you do not need fancy special effects or over-the-top action sequences when you have two actors who can just do what David and Catherine did.

I've only seen a few other DW eps, but I was amazed at how creepy this was, and having it be so intensely character-driven--that is, having the antagonists be copies of the Doctor and Donna and allowing David and Catherine to create two completely different other characters so that it felt like there actually were four different people on screen--was sheer genius. Absolutely brilliant and hilarious but also wildly unnerving at the same time.

Which then brings me to the moment you mentioned, which is thoroughly delicious on its own:

Right off the bat, what surprised me is how very not surprising this is, at least to anyone paying attention. We know the Doctor is an alien who transcends time and space, so there is no reason to think that he/she/they wouldn't also transcend sexuality. And again, not having seen as many episodes of other incarnations (Nine, Eleven, etc.), I have always seen Ten as being bi or pan, without any question. There was something about Fourteen saying this, however, that felt very akin to 57 academics punching the air, and I am just beyond thrilled that this made it into the show.

What's also been interesting to me is seeing the negative response to this development on Twitter, and the subsequent pushback to said response. I've seen a lot of folks saying the Doctor can't possibly be gay (nevermind that being into men doesn't necessarily make the Doctor gay, since bi/pansexuality is A Thing That Exists) because of Rose, and then other folks responding with examples from Ten's era showing all the ways in which Ten is not/has never been 100% straight. But as easy it is for these pushback people to see this as a possibility for fictional characters, they seem to have a very difficult time seeing that same possibility in real people.

To wit: I saw a tweet yesterday from someone who thought that Russell T. Davies was straight--much to my disbelief--and a subsequent reply on that tweet from another person who thought he was married to Julie Gardner. And sure, I'll grant you that not everyone is interested in the personal life of a DW showrunner/writer...but we are talking about the man who wrote the UK version of Queer As Folk, and gave the world Captain Jack Harkness, for crying out loud. The same man who made David/Ten look and act like the biggest bottom ever to bottom and earned the moniker "Russell T. Daddy" for a reason. Yet the grip of compulsory heterosexuality is so strong that all of these things (as well as the fact that he had an actual husband, who sadly passed away a few years ago) ceased to matter.

But...it also suddenly makes sense why so many people are oblivious to the fact that David (and Michael) are most likely not 100% straight.

If we are going to say that the Doctor is not necessarily automatically straight because of having previously dalliances with women, then it makes sense to say that David is not necessarily automatically straight for the same reason. I've talked previously on my blog about how assuming straightness when someone hasn't come out as straight or because someone is in a straight-passing relationship is a problem, and that people don't need to label themselves specifically to be who they are. Yet as willing as so many fans are to let fictional characters step outside of that confining box, those fans are equally willing to push the actors right back into it.

I still see people calling David a "straight man" when that very well might not be the case. When this year in particular, David has been more vocal than ever before about numerous facets of queerness in a multitude of forms (wearing badges, gay pride boots, t-shirts, etc). I've talked about how the clothes David wears seem to be reflecting who he really is more and more, and thinking about the roles he's played this year--Crowley, Fourteen--I see a similar pattern. And I keep thinking about that little boy in Paisley who was afraid to ask for a DW Leelah doll because he didn't want to be a "sissy." I keep thinking of David likely being told that his career would be destroyed if he was anything other than publicly straight, and especially while playing a beloved character like the Doctor.

For him to come back as the Doctor now--in the midst of a deeply charged period in history, with homophobia and transphobia spiking dramatically in the UK--and to mention finding another man hot in the most completely casual way is nothing short of astounding. And what better vehicle to potentially guide David toward opening up about himself than something he has loved for so long? What better show to serve as a lighted pathway, of sorts? Nothing Russell writes is not deliberate. Nothing being done in these specials is not deliberate. And if 900 years isn't too old to discover or become more open about a part of yourself, then why should 52 be?

So yes, those are my thoughts on this new DW 60th anniversary special, and this particular moment with Fourteen (Ten-Four) and Donna. It really does feel as though this is all leading toward something, and I am definitely looking forward to seeing the third and final special next weekend...

#phantomstars24 #reply post #david tennant #soft scottish hipster gigolo #doctor who #doctor who 60th anniversary #wild blue yonder #tenth doctor #or Fourteen #catherine tate #donna noble #david is definitely more subtle than Michael #but i love that he is slowly telling us who he is #in about a thousand different ways #and we can see the change in him on the inside and outside #also art imitating life #the parallels are paralleling #i honestly do not know how anyone thinks RTD is straight #that's like thinking grass is fuchsia or cows have wings #i can't #david is lowkey bi and Michael is highkey bi #thoughts #discourse #gifs by me

[catholicwhorexxx]

every single thought i had abt one piece live action

alvida is so hot im praying when she comes back she’ll have the slip slip fruit and still be fat please god.

introducing zoro with baroque works instead of with helmeppo was fucking genius, and mr 7’s redesign is pique. and the gore of zoro killing mr 7? sets a great fucking precedence.

binks brew playing in the background of the flash back where luffy eats his fruit >>>>>

i want a copy of nami’s book as merch

i love the little homage to the original of luffy planning to just fly in

having luffy be there for the scene with helmeppo and rika >>>>

ive said it once ill say it a thousand times how do they manage to make zoro even gayer. ill never get over the whimpering caption with helmeppo just crawling on the ground.

nami girlboss girlslaying even

zoro you cryptic little gay freak “then he owes me money” “didnt wanna make a mess”

im mad they didnt make captain morgan tell helmeppo he didnt beat him as a kid is bc he’s too pathetic to hit.

captain “we should be working for the same team” morgan. bro you are an elder fag preying on a young gay man. THE SHOULDER TOUCH???

roronoa “i kinda got my own thing going on” zoro

“7 days? i could catch up on my sleep”

“when i get down from here, you’ll be the one begging.” MY GOD YOU FAG

tag urself im the bead of sweat in zoros eyebrow

“get lost”

“i am.. lost”

“heyhey no. dont do that.”

my god nami’s actress is perfect the body language, tone of voice, its so accurate to how she was pre joining strawhats. and GOD her facial expressions in her first fight scene w luffy…

zoro almost dipping then deciding he wants to fight lmao i love it

“arent you that drunk from the bar?”

“glad i made an impression.”

morgan you didnt capture shit

inaki did a great job making luffy still look animated.

zoro cutting helmeppos hair is so fucking funny

garp knew exactly who it was when he first got that call

buggy youre sitting like SUCH a slut

buggy loves talking abt shanks like he’s an ex boyfriend

i wanna see what else buggy can do

zoro definitely had sex with cabaji and then killed his brother

i could watch yasopp shoot people all day

shanks casting is so well done im obsessed with the fact that none of the characters are the conventionally attractive roblox looking types

also the timing of luffy being drowned and the flashback to shanks saving him… timed perfectly great depiction of ptsd. same thing with zoros flashbacks.

“why gonna rob the place blind?”

“at least a little blurry”

i love the wlw mlm solidarity with nami and zoro, oh my god the scene of them getting dressed and nami picking out a shirt for him??? obsessed.

zoros pink ass drink

FUNKY BAR MIRROR BALL???

“arlonggg babyyyy”

“you dont think she like. like likes me do you?”

i love the way the meowmin twins move when theyre fighting in the stairwell

luffy grinning like a freak through kuros blades :333 and then the fucking thumbs up

luffys look to nami when kaya says they have a ship

damn they really just fucking murked merry

“they do know im the captain right?”

“let them have this one”

“we are” playing while they leave syrup village im obsessed

nami laughing for probably the first time in years at usopp and luffy fighting over who’s the captain

i could write an essay about the fear in garps eyes in that flashback (im going to)

“which way is port?”

“the left!”

“neverrrrrrr!”

“fine ya brat have it yer wae”

garp laughing bc he’s actually invested in his job again

the camera lense while luffy is smelling the baratie is fucking hilarious

“add food to the equation and suddenly he knows how to navigate”

ive said it once i’ll say it a thousand times inaki does a great fucking job making luffy still look animated

ill never get over sanji’s accent its so fucking fan indulgent

the little angry kick after he puts em on the fucking ground

“welcome to our shitty restaurant where the only thing worse than the ambiance is the food. my name is sanji what can i get for you?”

“any drinks one of our signature cocktails to help you choke down your meal?”

“apologies madam didnt see you there. would you care for an apéritif to start?”

sanji is such a freak oh my god i love him

zoro pointing it out is so fan indulgent

zoro grinning like an idiot when nami says “i need a drink”

im obsessed with usopps fishbowl

sanji’s smile talking about the all blue WAHHHH

i love live action sanji cooking

his fucking theme playing oh my god

zoro and nami comparing usopp to a sea slug

“i had friends”

“swords dont count”

“i had one friend”

“hell one more than i have”

zoro you fucking freak

why is he standing like that fucking fag

“because youre my friend you idiot” NAMI WAHHHHHHHH

zeff is so hot omfg

sanji’s desperate baby scream breaks my heart

i really like they went using with the original manga plotline for sanji’s backstory

“id eat both arms and legs to save zoros life”

putting buggy in the bag is so fucking funny

that zoom in on sanji yelling “zeff” what was that

god i love sanji and zeffs fight

zoro waking up scene is fucking adorable

zoro you fucking devoted freak i love you

ill never get over sanji’s theme

“the only thing i wanna hear from you is dinner specials”

baby nami is perfectly cast

BLACK NOJIKO BLACK NOJIKO

buggys body pinned up at arlongs base lmfao

“arlong has bled us dry”

“then find more blood”

i love helmeppo sitting like that lmao

bellemere’s death scene always makes me tear up jesus christ

“i thought itd take a lot more liquor to bring out your mutinous side.”

why was arlongs speech edited like that oh my god

“of course i will” makes me tear up every fucking time

nami drawing her maps in fucking blood is such great symbolism

“you look tired, maybe you should take a break”

“maybe you ought to get back in the kitchen”

“quit screwing around! luffy needs us!”

“you just got here you dont know what luffy needs.”

“i know he needs my cooking.”

“putting two slices of bread together?”

telling buggy to shut up in unison lmao

“im gonna get outta here.” while flipping them off

“fucking clown.”

USOPP EXPLODING STAR U GOAT

“i get it zeff was mean to you boohoo”

“you dont ever badmouth nami.”

“now youve done it.”

god i love taz skylar

“all great fighters call out there finishing moves”

“yeah youre gonna fit in just fine.”

SANJI WANTING TO HUG NAMI AND HER RUNNING PAST LMFAO

“back for seconds must have liked it.”

“at least i dont need 3 swords to prove im a man.”

garp jus beating the shit out of luffy

nami hitting nezumi >>>>>

god i fucking love nami talking at bellemeres grave

“i know what it means to fight for your family.”

luffy’s reaction to his bounty im in love

koby what was that gay ass look you want to kiss luffy so bad dont you

“be a good marine.”

“be a good pirate.”

luffy mimicking his poster

god i love makino

kaya with a different tea looking healthy 😭

luffy’s bounty up under employee of the month

BUGGY AND ALVIDA BUGGY AND ALVIDA BUGGY AND ALVIDA

god i love garp

helmeppo learning to be swordsman :33

“maybe the old chef was right. it id your turn.”

“i can still take you.” not in a fight…

their jolly roger 🥺🥺🥺

#op la #one piece live action #op la spoilers

[itsdappleagain]

alrighty, to steal or not to steal! this one is a little hard to liveblog and I'm not going to go through all the options, so I'm just gonna take you through my favorite path and gush about how hot and gay everything is for the most part! there will be a little commentary on other paths but yeah :)

(thats the ile d'oleron)

notes under the cut as always!

for your viewing pleasure in case its been a while and you haven't played.

fun fact- I am also taking us on close to the first route I ever took with this special. I got waylaid along the way by the trick routes and failed a lot, but I'll get us on the path to the first win I ever got. (the best one.)

i was SHOCKED by how good this special was the first time I played through it. I had just joined the fandom, I was scrounging for content in the waiting-for-s3-desert, and boom- there was a SPECIAL? why didn't anyone tell me?

anyway, this is always super fun to do. I've done every single route multiple times and recorded all of them too for the illegal stash but theres nothing quite like playing it.

in the very first episode (and african ice) devineax mentions an amusement park in shanghai. wonder if the two are related, or if VILE just has a shit ton of properties in there?

she did, in fact, get shanghai'd in shanghai.

oh. thats why its set here. ahha i get it

she loves them 🥺

i choose top floor

carmen trusts her grappling hook in a glass building more than I trust myself

girlie walked into that empty steel door locked vault with an indiana jones trap ass looking phone in the middle that maelstrom was talking from and went to pick it up with ZERO hesitation

ah, carmen sandiego and its weird genre of toilet paper jokes during stressful circumstances

maelstrom's exasperated eyeroll and sigh as the married couple bicker

i choose steal for vile

the first time I played this i obviously chose to try to save zack and ivy. since I know that leads to failure now, I'm skipping it this playthrough, but it was quite the shock the first go around! tsonts plays to my little angst loving heart by making you watch zack and ivy and sometimes carmen meet horrible tragic ends again and again lmao

girlie the old you stole the statue of liberty skill issue

i like the glow of green on carm's face here to show her temporary allegiance change and vile's win

the terracotta warriors are super cool im glad we get to visit them

i think the first time i played this option i talked to tigress. since sneaking just gives bonus material and doesn't actually change anything (plus. puppies) im going that route!

i choose sneak past tigress

oh btw i love the little simplified characters in the choices they r so cute

also carmen's quips if you take too long to choose are hilarious and worth waiting for. dodge the cat or stop to chat?

me

subtitles doing the most

i LOVE how bitchy carmen gets in the special she's hilarious. she's very quietly pissed off the entire time and she mostly takes it out on tigress

those slides down the tunnel are sooo smooth

its impossible, as a canon law, to get zack and ivy's names right if you're a villain

i love the two's looks at each other when she steps on the booby trap its just resigned "ahhh shit."

imagine if there had been spikes at the bottom of the pit and carmen had just saved herself sdgjadsgjds

"im the one sitting in the catbird seat right now" oh you

anyway, i'm choosing leave tigress

this is the choice i made my first time playing! i love carmen's sassy ass "i cant hear you! im in a tunnel, bad connection!" line, and i'm not going the arctic circle path anyway so it doesn't matter.

tigress bugshadowing for s4! lots of foreshadowing for s4 in the special actually

the "theyre stunning" followed by that just. crushed look when she remembers what she's here to do augh

he has a beard and a mustache

she so cute

i choose hide and blend in

my first go around I chose to hitch a ride, as, I thought, was logical. I didn't know carmen had access to stopping time, a disguise, and endless amounts of dirt to camouflage her perfectly with the statues in addition to a handy spot to keep her change of clothes. who knew? im going with hide to speed up my run, but I was pissed off the first time i played this let me tell you sjgdhsgdhs

actually, you know what, let me hit ride for a second because I think there's a carmen death at the end of that one I want to comment on

carmen "historical artifacts are irreplaceable treasures" sandiego, everyone

why are vile's names for zack and ivy so shit

oh yeah here we go

the crash landing! I made a post on that years ago but my headcanon was that carmen was so distracted that she crashed and died I think lmfao. anyway no one came outta that one unscathed. k, back to the route!

OH i also like that the format for this is like the old gameshow a little bit with chief's lines at the end. its fun

they really wanted to call this thing "carmen sandiego: vile operative" didnt they. hamlet? was bela in on the naming of this?

cleo's little shoulder shimmies

abby trott's singing voice this episode <33333333

also THE OLD THEMEEEE this whole thing is just a throwback honestly its a lot of fun

carmens eyeroll at "carmens choice" jsadgha

to steal or not to steal: or, bellum and cleo being married old women for forty minutes

i choose cleo's caper

we just gotta get to the gay dance scene as quickly as possible okay

carmen asked for the specification on the eggs so seriously

cleo speaking french. thats it thats the post

some of the lines in this special are a little weird with repetition. carm does it once with the riding with/hiding among the statues in a way that sounds a little unnatural, and she does it again here with "everything i ever steal from vile goes straight to charity, and now they're making me steal from a charity?" the inflection/repetition is just weird, like the emphasis should have been on steal, not charity. idk maybe gina just reads weird

carmen SLAYS in this dress. i wish it was even more extravagent but i get they needed something simpler for the dance scene. still shes hot as fuuuck for the whole part

her leg split is scandalously high btw??

and JULIA GOOD GRACIOUS SHE'S SO GORGEOUS actually thank god for chase never showing his face in here he gets enough spotlight in the choose your own adventure novels

it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that julia looks different because shes wearing contacts

her favorite acme agent

how did she find out julia's last name i wonder

noooo carmen dont avoid her ur so sexy ahahaha

carmen's voice. when she says scarlet santa rosa. hdhwidw oh boy. also hello, fake name for hospitals and hotels in every fic ever from this point out. we salute you.

player's "oh boy" he knows carmen's too gay for this shit

also good GOD yes we're dancing. only thing we're missing is carmen saying she likes to tango more than she likes to waltz so there we go. gay time

i choose to accept the dance

"do i cut a rug, or put the 'go' in sandiego?" these lines are GEMS

man this scene is spectacular

adoring how miserable carmen looks the entire time she's dancing with this rando. can she do it? yes. does she want to be? hell no

the guy: :D carmen: 🙁

SHES HOLDING HERSELF SO FAR AWAY FROM HIM ITS SO FUNNY

girl if you were any further apart from this dude you'd be in north america

carmen fantasy mind link with mime bomb where she kicks the man to the curb and engages in a techno dance fantasy where she lets her hair down and goes wild, imagining julia argent seeing her and cheering her on gayly is top ten scenes in all of animation history

carmen's hips in the dance have me in a chokehold figuratively and i wish it was literally

the little prance after carmen kicks herself in the face is so gay you're being so gay dude. she imagines julia watching her and she stares directly at her and PRANCES

love the imaginary dance partner guy. carmen's like hm i wish this guy was fun

also THRILLED that the only canon imagination we ever see carmen having is one. being paranoid about a crusty 20 year old shadowsan stalking her and 2. having a dissociative dance fantasy because dancing the waltz with monaco royalty is torturous to stay grounded for

when she takes her hair out like if you agree

THE LEG SLIT SHINES THROUGH HERE WE ARE INCHES AWAY FROM THE TVY7 GOING OUT THE WINDOW FASTER THAN CARMEN DOES LATER IN THE SCENE

that was fantastic as always, sorry you had to sit through me ranting gayly for that long. time for more gay ranting. ITS JULIA!

carmens little moment of panic when julia comes up behind her is always great

man theyre so gay. julia is confident and girl please bestie i love you but this is the ONE time you're wrong

my favorite frame. goldfish julia

the height difference

"so good to see you again" 😌

julia using they/them pronouns win writers did her dirty in the s3 opener

"I will CERTAINLY be relieved once any stolen treasures MYSTERIOUSLY appear at my doorstep to allow me to return them to the proper authorities" she says in the most seductive voice possible, turning and walking away with a look over her shoulder

shes literally flirting you guys

player said woah because even he knew that the usual writers never let julia have that much personality and gaydar

gay abt it. also obsessed with their little hooves

we never talk about how dirty tsonts does you. it leads you unequivocally to believe that tricking julia is the correct option to keep both carmen and her safe. it ALSO leads you to believe that carmen is just going to pull a "WHATS THAT OVER THERE" trick and leave. SHE DOES NOT. DO THAT. SHE LOCKS JULIA OUT ON THE ROOF, STEALS FROM HER, AND LIES TO HER. WHY

anyway first time i played this i tricked julia thinking i was keeping her safe and was so pissed off by the outcome that I went back and trusted her. we do miss a glorious angy jules moment of her screaming "la femme rogue" with ten times less punch than devineaux, though.

all that is to say i choose trust julia.

either way you slice it i managed to wind up in a pickle at a caviar party

MMGH THE TRUST <3

they say trust like three times in this conversation its so. the core of their relationship

YESSS SHE TRUSTS HER DUGHDUHGDJDHEDHJD SHAKING THEM IN MY TEETH

carms little smile mmmmmmmmmm

ah, the cs 3/4 turn

OKAY even though it'll lead to bad shit happening we cannot skip the stash part because 1. it gives us one of carmen's BEST outfits and 2. i have a funny story about it/this is what i picked the first time

also it again leads us to the wrong choice on purpose in my opinion, which i think tsonts is designed to do

shes my profile picture and shes so killer in the waitress outfit god im so gay about it

okay here's my funny story when mime bomb started choking i was COMPLETELY prepared to have an option to save him or continue to go after the caviar and i was also COMPLETELY prepared to let him die i felt really bad about it once I realized they obviously weren't going to let him choke

NOT ON STAGE, PLAYER, ON FOOD

mime bomb singing opera foreshadowing!! while hes choking to death

carmen could give me the heimlich maneuver

mime bomb hairline reveal

everyone just dissipates once they realize they were laughing at a person actively dying

THE SHE

who is also the me on tumblr

the waitstaff wondering why this piece of fish weighs five times what its supposed to and why this one weighs nothing at all 🤨

you uncouth ninny

i love the cut from zack and ivy trying to fight to them immediately getting brainwashed they didnt stand a chance

btw where does carmen keep just. changing. where is she going. did she mug a waiter for that outfit and leave them naked in a closet. what

anyway ultimately i choose dash

she so cute when she commit acts of violence on innocent people

elsa is that you

man i love that shot of her putting on the glider. where is everyone though. like did they just think she threw herself off the edge and were like ah well

i love getting to see clips of carmen actually pulling the cord on her glider also her WHOLE LEG IS OUT GOD DAMN

imagine if they had just prerecorded zack and ivy and they were way off the mark. and zack and ivy were just mindwiped already

its my favorite background extra!

also the carmen-in-milan extra who was in dubai was also in the earlier scene

they have one RIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THE TOP OF THE WORLD

i choose steal for vile again becauseeee we snubbed tigress so that would fuckin suck for us. i do really enjoy the trust tigress --> arctic circle route, though (i wasnt even aware there was more than one good ending for a really long time because i always left tigress in the hole lmfao) but shes actually decent. i also like when you leave tigress --> arctic circle because carmen just kicks a solid metal foot thick door. and it hurts. like she didnt think about that one

hell???? in a kids show??? 😲

i like how you can see that carmen appreciates how incredible it is that theres soft tissue intact

another weird inflection thing? she says "attempt to clone-" like shes about to put emphasis on the dinosaur part after, when i feel like she would put emphasis on clone? idk whatever

gremlin bellum is the best

editing carmen sandiego clips to be way out of context is my passion. ugh. im going to hell

montana got such a sad info section honestly

carmen slaying that red eyeliner

OKAY first time i did this i tried to catch the plane, which is what im doing now because...it just adds scenes and doesnt actually change anything. however the first time i did this...you know what, tell you when we get there. here we go.

rip carmen's motorcycle which she somehow had in montana

imagine being the pilot

oh yeah okay. so, the first time i played this i literally fucking thought i had just condemned carmen to a horrific and unnecessary painful death. the glider prevented me from having a full out heart attack, I think, but it scared me VERY BADLY!

and then- alright, by this point, I'd chosen wrong pretty much every single time. the van, the soldiers, the stash/dash, everything. i just fucked up EVERYTHING. so when bellum called and was like YOU WASTED SO MUCH TIME i thought OHHH NO FUCK DID I DOOM THEM AGAIN NOOO. it turns out, you get that scene no matter which path you take. so. whatever. but that series of events got me so scared

TSONTS does more for carmen's friendship with zack and ivy/building relationships with allies than the entire main series and you can fight me on that

she thought you were making a funny 🤨

autistic bellum agenda

first time around i picked el topo! there are fun sides to both- el topo's line about being pawns in a bigger game, but also le chevre gets you a chase scene on a rollercoaster where agent zari tries to run carmen over . ride the cyclone her if you will. both are fun, but for the sake of doing my og path im going to go for el topo!

el topo is such a cinnamon roll. hes excited to work with her 🥺 he hates no one 🥺

"very well dressed company" acmeoffical should put that was their tagline

i think my first go around i hid, so I'm doing that. AgAiN, tsonts leads you to the wrong option. like. obviously running seems stupid if the entire place is crawling with them?? to me, anyway. but. i guess its always right in this playthrough. still choosing hide first because i like to see carmen break shit and get caught

she pulls a dokuso on that one. where did she get a smoke bomb

the cranial dranial. btw the noises on that title card are disgusssting. you miss out on so many good gags if you save zack and ivy from dying. bellum and cleo squabbling. bellum renaming the mindwiper every three seconds

anyway onto the good option of run

and my favorite background acme agent <3

carmen being loud af in those vents and REALLY not careful with that one of a kind priceless bone

behold, carmen sandiego

love how embarrassed zari is jdsgdjsh

girlie fit through THAT grate???

AHH THE JULIA AIRPORT SCENE

love how you can see her little foot sticking out from behind the tourist before she pops out

i also love how carmen very clearly notices julia following her

my favorite bg character again

julias so cute

woah, a mindwiping carmen plot?? thats so diabolical! im glad its possible to entirely avoid that fate for carmen in the canon. yep!

lil. gay julia

its so sad when julia rejects her if you decide to lock her out on the roof. but also hilarious because julia tracks her through the airport LITERALLY just to break up with her on her own terms. shes like oh i gotta find carmen and carmen is like hi and then julia just leaves

also the dont trust julia ending is literally the worst ending in the game and its a crime that that symbolism didnt carry to the main series. so angsty and good though i really like that scene

ALSO also the carmen getting mindwiped bad ending?? THATS how carmen should have reacted in s4. shes struggling, shes trying to avoid it, but like?? in the CANON MINDWIPING carmens just like grgrggrgr im biting this. not going to change my behavior of yanking on my wrists as maelstrom reveals a terrible fate to me just going to keep looping "struggle animation" like an npc

sorry. im salty about that. you can tell. back on track to the gay ending.

UM. SURE? shes so cute

PAPER STAR'S THEME!!! i love that being woven into the score

juliaaaa in the hat and coaaaat

zack and ivy's banter in the evil shack is great

oddly specific subtitles?

carmen got the perfect circle capabilities of luz in here

how did she just move that piece of roof aside instead of it falling in help

"since when does carmen sandiego wear glasses" REALLY thats the ONLY thing that looks different about her? not the. race change. or the dark hair pixie cut. or losing half a foot of height

zack hugging carmen <33

man im hitting my image limit for this post help

also carmen just shoving zack away is so funny shes not even gentle shes just like BOOM lets jet.

that vile grunt slamming face first into the helicopter my beloved

"not of helicopters im not!" zack says, flying the helicopter flawlessly

"here's looking at you, crew" is a reference to the 1942 film casablanca which was the first location carmen visited outside of vile island. in this theory i will prove that casablanca was the first movie she ever watched and-

how do you know where julia lives, huh carmen? dont you know thats GAY?

HHAAIHUDGHGGHDSJ i love this ending so fucking much arhsghaggdrg. im carmen sandiego and im here to make your day. she's wearing the hat and coat. shes so cute theyre so gay et cetera et cetera

that gayass little display carmen does for her

the fucking. bouquet of red roses oh its carmens color no shut up she did NOT have to do that that was EXPLICIT. ALSO JULIA BLUSHING ABOUT IT WHILE SHE THANKS HER AND HOLDS THE BOUQUET IM GOING FERAL OVER THEM TSONTS DID SO MUCH FOR US

BONUS SCENE TIMEEEEE

what an absolute treasure i love the recreation of the old rockapellas song. they got to correct their czech republic inaccuracy wheeze. oh to be a geography show during a time when geography isnt staying the same long enough to make content about it

zack submitting himself to chinese water torture just for fun

the vile operatives ajdgshdfaghds

ABBY TROTT <3 love you and ivy's dancing and ivy singing and everyone dancing and everyone singing pop off slay the whole nine yards

obsessed with that little arm move on "berlin down to belize" what was that

carmivy canon

tigress's shoulder shimmies and pinchies of the glider yes

cs color theory ON LOCATION + the gays being gay

ive never understood the mekong from the jungle line honestly. did she steal the whole river. unify east and southeast asia. i guess so. if she can steal the statue of liberty why not

puberty didnt hit player like a truck it hit him like a rocketship

brunt's little jig as she goes to punch the living daylights out of carmen <3

SHE PUT THE MISS IN MISDEMEANOR WHEN SHE STOLE THE BEANS FROM LIMA <3 thats my favorite line

GO BORIS SLAY

i also love zari's line

"A moving violation is any violation of the law committed by the driver of a vehicle while it is in motion" julia literally knows carmen is a cant drive gay

mime bomb's one line <3

ACME SPELLING OUT ACME LIKE ITS YMCA IS HONESTLY SUCH A FUNNY VISUAL GAG BY THE WAY

once again, ABBY TROTT'S VOICE

tigress dances like i dance. badly

GAYS BEIN GAY

SLAY CLEANERS GET IT

the little faculty dance showcases is also fantastic. get bellum'd. maelstrom's doing a mickey mouse clubhouse ass dance. cleo is slaying

the mystery: is coach brunt saying "let me know" or "lambkins, oh" its the first one but i thought it was the latter for a long time

THE GROUP SHOT!!

never noticed the mechanic waving her little wrench around. there are a bunch of cute motions like the gays being gayer, a cleaner singing into his mop, and ivy pumping the air with her fist

anyway, SORRY! this was long af! my bad! it's a lot to cover and. kind of hard to liveblog when there are so many options. if anyone got this far, i hope you enjoyed it! see ya next week for season 3!!

and, yes, i was later again. more late than usual, actually. i've been busy with art fight >:)

#csweekly #cs weekly #carmen sandiego weekly #carmen sandiego #carmen sandiego 2019

[adamwatchesmovies]

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

Each viewing of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World reveals new depths to its narrative and humour, making its failure at the box office an even bigger shame. Well, better late than never. Go in for the memorable characters, arresting visual style, humour, and creative story. Come back to catch all the gags you missed. See it a third time to see what this movie is REALLY about.

22-year-old Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) is a slacker musician dating 17-year-old high schooler Knives Chau (Ellen Wong). He's with her because he knows it’ll go nowhere. It's only a matter of time before he dumps her, which will be easy. Enter Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). Promptly ditching Knives for the Amazon delivery girl of his dreams, Scott learns he must defeat her seven evil exes before they can date.

If the plot sounds crazy, it is. Director Edgar Wright (who co-wrote the screenplay with Michael Bacall, based off the comic series by Bryan Lee O’Malley) injects special effects in nearly every scene. References and Easter eggs to video games are everywhere in the form of health meters, bonus points, sound cues, non-sequiturs, and more. You can have a great time with a notepad playing “spot the reference” but it’ll be tough. There are so many and the deluge of gags is one hell of a distraction. It’s an outlandish tale with many characters and to ensure you never forget who’s who, we have a hugely talented cast bringing these quirky people to life. Kieran Culkin as Scott’s gay and very seductive roommate, Chris Evans, Brandon Routh, Jason Schwartzman and more as Ramona’s evil exes, Anna Kendrick as Scott’s disapproving younger sister, Aubrey Plaza, Brie Larson, Alison Pill, Johnny Simmons and Mark Webber as Scott’s friends/bandmates... Every time one of them appears on-screen again, you perk up. What hilarious new line are they going to deliver? It never fails. You always laugh out loud.

This is sort of a “battle of the bands” movie, meaning you get all sorts of musical talents adding extra oomph to the dazzling visuals. The score & soundtrack is another character, another reason to re-watch the film so you can properly see (well, hear) how every note perfectly compliments the characters’ actions and the point we’re at in the story.

While you’re dazzled by the audio and visual, you might overlook one of the most important aspects of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: its theme. Those references to bands and video games? They’re just gravy. The fact is, this movie has a great message. It’s not actually about battling a bunch of crazy enemies in order to get a prize lady. All that’s a metaphor. What this movie is actually about is a slacker, a person you’re not really supposed to like. Scott is lazy and he’s stringing Knives along. Even when it’s obvious he wants to move on to the new hot thing, he takes way too long to admit it. When he does get with “the girl of his dreams”, he takes forever to get over the fact that she has a past, that Ramona broke some hearts and was selfish in her past relationships despite Scott having done the same thing to Knives. The battles he fights are actually against himself. To win Ramona, what he must actually do is learn humility and self-respect. This is what pushes Scott Pilgrim vs. the World from being “merely” good to being great. If you really look at it, you’ll learn something.

I might change my mind about this the next time I view it but right now, the only flaw I’ll bring up is the running time. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World a fast-paced, highly economical movie, which makes seven evil exes A LOT of enemies. The combat actually winds up slowing the film down and I can think of a couple of bad guys who could’ve been removed without losing much. Otherwise, it’s an instant favorite. You’ll want to come back to it over and over thanks to its unmistakable style, the ample creative choices made throughout, the humor and the characters. (On Blu-ray, July 24, 2020)

#scott pilgrim vs. the world #movies #films #movie reviews #film reviews #edgar wright #michael bacall #bryan lee o'malley #michael cera #mary elizabeth winstead #kieran culkin #chris evans #anna kendrick #alison pill #brandon routh #jason scwartzman #2010 movies #2010 films

[anachronistic-falsehood]

i dont know any qsmp ships so give me ur favorite one of those and also.... davekat <3

GRABBING U BY THE SHIRT AND LOOKING U DEAD IN THE EYE. DO U WANNA HEAR ABOUT CELLBIT/PACTW??? CELLTW MY BELOVED!!! they’re fucking insane to me. imagine u get arrested with ur best friend after a robbery. right. u meet some guy in prison who protects you from the other inmates. he licks his lips a lot and its really creepy but also he's hot. he gives you a man's bloody ear as a subtle threat. you repeatedly betray him while trying to break out of prison. you watch him kill another guy who was helping you escape. at some point he eats your leg and it's awful and traumatizing. you and him and your friend escape. you leave this dude for dead on a deserted island. you hope to never see him again because HE ATE YOUR FUCKING LEG. you eventually end up on the same server as him and you're forced to adopt a child together. he seems different?? he's not killing people anymore. you're still deathly afraid of him. on your second day on the server, you and him make out in a cave. a few weeks later he gets married to SOMEONE ELSE. you still think he's hot but you panic every time something happens that might piss him off, and also you've adopted his habit of licking your lips when you're nervous. like what the FUCK is happening man!!! they just need to have some weird freaky gay cannibal sex. it won't solve their problems but i think they should give it a shot anyway!!!! there is not a single square in this chart that genuinely describes how i feel about them

DAVEKAT. i don't even need 2 explain it 2 u. you KNOW. you know davekat. they're so <3< but also <> and they desperately need therapy. sometimes they're <3 but there's always like that underlying <3< no matter what bc they're both so fucking infuriating to each other and it's hilarious. actual looney toons characters here. i want them to hit each other with giant squeaky cartoon hammers <3

#whiskey yelling into the void #friend tag :3 #celltw is literally the most fucked up thing ever i need to write something unhinged and deranged about them #and davekat the sillies!!!! oh my god. the guys ever #two traumatized guys trying 2 make it in the world..... they are the <3</<> couple ever to me i think they're neat

[orionsangel86]

A bit of a moan under the cut...

It's funny to be in this position where I follow a ton of SPN blogs, and a ton of Good Omens blogs, and so I get a lot of interesting hot takes across my dash.

It's fine for people to be critical, but I do find criticism of GO from SPN fans kinda hilarious and hypocritical.

"the writing was like bad fanfiction"

You did actually watch Supernatural yes? Even season 4 had its terrible fanfiction moments *cue trauma memory of Sam Winchester explaining "w*ncest" to his brother and shudder*

"There was no plot at all and it was all pointless."

Hmmm... reminds me of seasons 12, 13, and 14 of SPN

"The relationship reveal at the end was so stupid and clearly a crack ship from tumblr"

Yeah I was also really surprised when Dean and Crowley hooked up in Season 10.

"Neil Gaiman was clearly bullied into making them canon by tumblr, he absolutely hated fans asking if Crowley and Aziraphale were gay and in love back before the first season came out"

And? Why is him changing his mind (if thats what happened) a bad thing? What exactly do you think was happening behind the scenes at Supernatural regarding Destiel?

"Even if Neil Gaiman DID change his mind and decide to make it romantic, its still disingenuous and he's lying to you about what he planned with Terry Pratchett"

Sure. He could be. Funny how sometimes at some point people may see the light regarding their characters and realise that the story works better if they are together - at least Neil Gaiman was able to follow through, unlike Bobo Berens and Andrew Dabb who had their vision shat on by the CW.

Maybe he is exaggerating about what exactly he and Terry plotted out. He's protective of Terry's memory but clearly also painfully aware of how rabid the fans are and has gone a bit overboard in reassuring them. How many lies have you been told by the creators of SPN? How many times have Jackles and Mollins lied to you? Queerbaited you? Mocked you? Have you ever heard of a little thing called growth?

If you are gonna be critical about GO and Neil Gaiman, by all means go ahead. But DO NOT then sit there in the same breath and say SPN was better, that SPN had your back, or sing SPNs praises in any way.

Both shows have good and bad moments. Both sets of creators have lied at times, and tried to do whats best for their fans at times. Both shows are filled to the fucking brim with fanservice - at least GO didn't mock and ridicule its fans by either portraying them all as sad loser men, obsessive stalkers, or teenage girls who are a bit too obsessed with the sappier moments to be taken seriously. The fandom inserts in GO were older, wiser, calmer, and rather badass lesbians actually. I thought that was pretty neat.

I'm not even a huge Neil Gaiman stan, find most of his asks cringe (and often wonder if he picks out the cringier ones specifically to toy with and mock the fandom) and def find some of his explanations surrounding the origins of the GO sequel contradictory and nonsensical. Whilst he is a great fantasy writer, he isn't the best at screenwriting imo. He is also rubbish at comedy and needs support on that always. It is very clear to me that he has absorbed some of the tumblr mentality in his later years, as this is apparant to me in both GO and the Sandman, and yet, as someone who rather loves the tumblr mentality, I'm all for it. I think he is maybe trying a bit TOO hard to appeal to the tumblr specific queer community which can be alienating for wider audiences (i say this as someone who considers herself very much part of the tumblr specific queer community), and I do sometimes wonder if there is something a little bit disengenuous on his side about that, because, well, how much can an older cishet white man ever really understand the overly millennial/Gen Z queer majority AFAB leaning tumblr space? I do think some people have really got to crawl out of Neil Gaiman's ass because he is not your God. He is just a guy.

But I also think a lot of the hate thrown his way is unnecessary. A lot of people's gripes about him seem to be complaints that he is too wrapped up in tumblr culture. Which is an ironic criticism to come from tumblr users. If you hated GOS2 that's totally fine. But if you hated it and then proudly proclaim that "Supernatural did it first" "Supernatural did it better" or just "Supernatural was the best and Good Omens will never be Supernatural". Please, for the love of God, shut the fuck up. Supernatural was heavily influenced BY Good Omens, and the Sandman. Supernatural was so braizen in its stealing ideas from GO and the Sandman that it even stole one of the main characters NAMES.

As a long time SPN fan, any SPN fans ever claiming Neil Gaiman stole ideas from SPN is a fucking embarassment to the rest of the SPN fandom. By all means criticise Gaiman's work to your hearts content, but at least criticise it correctly and leave the hypocrisy at the door.

#good omens #supernatural #fandom discourse #fandom critical #neil gaiman #personal opinions

[granvarones]

The first time I heard the euro-pop sensation Aqua’s Barbie Girl was in the summer of 1997, at a party We The People organized in Clementon Park, New Jersey. The DJ was mixing bona fide house hits with contemporary jams. I remember this so vividly because I watched someone do “hand performance” to the song that was a newly minted hit. This was also one of those moments that I definitely knew I was gay because I felt like Barbie Girl was composed for LGBTQ folks; not sure how I came to that conclusion, but it just felt gay. I was 13 years old, journeying through puberty and trying to understand myself, but I recognized the subtle ways queer culture could be found in pop music. And now, more than 25 years since I first heard Barbie Girl, it remains a song that resonates and reminds me of what is remembered, who has gone, and the richness of their lives.

We The People was an AIDS service organization in Philadelphia, serving the most vulnerable HIV positive community, and my mother Melody E. Beverly worked there. Most of the organization’s service population was Black and brown people, people who inject drugs, and housing-insecure people with an AIDS diagnosis. It had a brick-and-mortar building at the corner of Broad and Lombard Street. Now a Taqueria with its own controversial history, at the end of the 1990s, it held precious work of caring for the community, with housing units atop, with an industrial-style kitchen. I remember this because I loved volunteering with building residents, preparing and cooking meals. I also had a thing for the biscuits that were often there.

On a hot day in the summer of ‘97, my mother and I arrived to begin boarding a bus to head over to the party at Clementon Park, which also included barbeque. While waiting to board the bus, I overheard Curtis speaking to a Black man who seemed exhausted if he had been taking AZT. This was a year after HAART was established as a standard for HIV care, and people were taking what we now know to be toxic medicine to manage their HIV. The introduction of highly active antiretroviral therapy, or combination therapy, would mean that people who had been living with HIV could live longer lives. I always think about that moment of Curtis checking in with a community member about his health when navigating my own care. I still appreciate the way it was normalized as a communal approach to medicine adherence. Curtis was my mother’s supervisor. He was a charismatic Black gay man with a bald head. Curtis was the sweetest and most sincere person. He was also a drag performer, I had seen him perform for a holiday party and was in awe of him.

Aqua, a Danish musical group, released their single Barbie Girl in April 1997, from their debut album Aquarium that was released in March of the same year. The track has a synth-pop-house vibe to it, with bubblegum vocals from lead singer Lene, who plays Barbie in the music video for the song. René, another band member, plays Ken, in a campy and hilarious capture of a Barbie world; it does a beautiful job of both bringing humanity to a plastic doll and making the cringey nature of American consumerism visible in a funny way. This is ironic, because during a 2017 interview for Nylon Lene disclaims its politics and sexist overtones by stating that “it was kind of making fun of the Pamela Anderson kind-of girl” and says the song is “super-innocent.” To me, Barbie Girl now appears to be making a statement about bodily autonomy and misogyny. With the incessant lyric, “I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world.” This song makes me think about people who lived with HIV, like Curtis, who were living full and flourishing lives at a tender and promising point in the ongoing AIDS crisis.

Barbie Girl topped global charts and was part of a musical era that included the resurgence of unapologetic bubblegum pop music, led in part by the Spice Girls’ Wannabe, a year earlier. Barbie Girl peaked at number 7 on the US Billboard Hot 100.

Now the song has a new life in the context of Barbie, the anticipated movie featuring Margot Robbie as the title character original Barbie. Barbie World, a rap track by Nicki Minaj & Ice Spice for the Barbie soundtrack, samples Barbie Girl in a perfect way. I’m most certain Barbie Girl will have a second life on TikTok and a new generation will be embraced by the gummy-gayness of late nineties music, and remember that there were people who existed then, plagued by an epidemic that rendered their stories untold. They too are Barbie Girls, even in their afterworlds, they paved the way for us to live fantastically in the skin we’re in.

Signed, a Barbie Girl from the nineties.

I’m always yours Xx

Abdul-Aily Muhammad ( @mxabdulaliy )

They/Them/Thiers

gran varones Mentor

Philadelphia, PA

#granvarones #gay #queer #storytelling #lgbtqia #non binary #barbie #barbie girl #songs that soundtracked the aids epidemic #Youtube

[kazistired]

I don’t know how to do the “under the cut” thing so I’m sorry about how long this post is.

Okay guys, here’s my reactions to The School for Good and Evil movie (this was me taking notes as I watched).

THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE

Live reactions:

-KIIIIIIIT

-His guyliner is on point

-KITS MAKEUP IS AMAZING OH MY GOOOOSH

-THEY PULLED A LIV AND MADDIE WOW

-Dang, the CGI is both good and bad, wow

-okay the opening scene? The dialogue is a little cheesy but WHO CARES ITS KIT YOUNG

-first scene over and it’s already very different from the book

-SOPHIA ANNE CARUSO MY QUEEN I LOVE HER

-AGATHA. QUEEN. HECK YEAH

-they changed her mom from a healer to a wannabe witch. Weird

-they gave them more of a backstory together it’s so cute

-THEYRE SO SARCASTIC I LOVE THEM

-oh my gosh they’re so gay in this haha

-the girl playing Agatha looks so familiar

-white men. Scary dude. KEEP AWAY FROM HER YOU DRUNK WHITE ADULT MAN

-HE PULLED A KNIFE ON HER OH MY GOSH

-SOPHIE TO THE RESCUE RAPUNZEL STYLE WITH THE FRYING PAN AAAAAHHHH

-they’re gay your honor

-they’re screwing around with the people’s knowledge of the school. They didn’t know about it until now. That’s weird

-And there’s Sophie being Sophie. Good for you

-the way Sophia plays Sophie gives Lydia Deetz vibes. Maybe it’s cuz she’s the only other character I’ve seen her play, idk

-They’re a lot better friends in the movie than in the book. I think I like it

-they don’t have the whole “shadow kidnapping people every four years and the town knows and tries to stop it” thing

-at least they still have the scary bird

-they don’t set Sophie up as much as a brat before the school so it’s confusing

-the animation for the wolves isn’t very good

-THE FAERIES ARE FREAKY

-the school for evil is full of gender whyyyyyyyyy

-mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. (Red hair lady)

-mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. (Professor Dovey)

-dang lady 360 much?

-Tedros isn’t blonde. It’s a stupid thing to be petty about but okay

-Hort’s voice is very gender

-WHO’S THIS CUPID HARPY DUDE?????

-“CLOSE. DOESN’T. CUT IT. UGH.” Mommy, sorry

-Kit Young materializing in a column of blood? Yeah, okay, why not?

-Hester spits sparks. Dang

-THEY PUT BRUTAL BY OLIVIA RODRIGO IN HERE AAAAHHHHHH

-Gregor is a KING. I love him

-Sophie just straight up kissed a random dude and it was hilarious

-“I thought gnomes were supposed to be short.” “And I thought princesses were supposed to be likable.” HAHAHAHAHAHA

-Agatha and Tedros’s interactions are weird. Not as cagey as in the book.

-the props are painfully obviously props. Specifically the gnome’s staff

-WHY ISNT THE BLUE FOREST BLUE?????? ITS GOT A BLUEISH FOG AND THATS IT. IM LIVID.

-I like the pink little monster flower. It’s adorable. So cute. I love them

-someone get Gregor out of there and give him his grocery store

-SOMEONE. SAVE. GREGOR. PLEASE.

-NOOOOOO GREGOR!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY FRICKING LIGHTNING ZAPPED HIM TO DEATH OH MY GOSH WHY???????? WHY????????????????

-Lesso is BACK. Mommy, sorry, mommy, sorry

-why does Hort look like the front man of an emo band? Love him haha

-“Why don’t you go find someone else to go have mommy issues with” DAAAANG SOPHIE

-Hester is hot. Very. Hot.

-oh yeah, I forgot about the bees

-op the bees formed Kit Young. Kit Young covered in bees.

-Lesso’s got a thing for Rafal (Kit Young’s character). Wow

-okay but why is the scene with Hester putting her demon tattoo back actually heart wrenching?

-Lesso and her freaky love of Rafal. Dang.

-THANK YOU AGATHA FOR POINTING OUT HOW WHAT HAPPENED TO GREGOR IS WRONG

-“they have weapons but we have animals” wow

-CALL THEM OUT AGATHA. GO OFF GIRL

-why are they all so shallow? My gosh, I hate this trope. I’m tired of shallow princesses

-THE WISH FISH TURNED INTO A PERSON OH MY GOSH THAT WAS COOL

-THAT PERSON IS LITERALLY A CHILD OH MY GOSH AND THE CHILD FRICKING DIES IN A CLOUD OF GLITTER WHAT THE HECK

-oh yeah here’s the animal scene where they want Agatha to free them

-GREGOR GOT TURNED INTO A SKELETON BIRD OH MY GOSH

-WAIT TEDROS KILLS HIM IN THE BOOK

-NOOOOOOO TEDROS KILLED HIM I WAS RIGHT

-“Good used to be good and true. Now we are in the age of self-centered perfectionism” ha true

-there’s always a wolf playing the organ I love him

-Sophie is so pretty oh my gosh. She’s gorgeous

-wow, the doom room already? They’re really skipping a lot of stuff. The Tedros and Sophie build up isn’t happening.

-aaaaaaaaaaand there goes her hair

-the fact that Lesso cut it and they don’t have Sophie kill the Beast makes me sad, cuz that’s her tipping point in the book

-Agatha spitting FACTS

-and freaky Rafal in the mirror, lovely

-I love Kit Young so much. His voice? Amazing.

-he’s got his red vampire aesthetic going and it’s hilarious. He literally just needs fangs

-Agatha getting the build up Sophie and Tedros was supposed to get, nice

-did he trip her with his sword? I dunno

-“unlock your finger glow” “master your finger glow” why does the finger glow thing sound so weird

-Hort you masochist

-the key inserting is slightly triggering

-SOPHIE BURSTS IN LOOKING LIKE A HOTTIE WHILE YOU SHOULD SEE ME IN A CROWN BY BILLIE ELISIH PLAYS????????? OH MY GOSH SHE’S SO PRETTY AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

-They’re montaging her bonding with her coven. No development. Just sudden friendship. Even Hester is in on it

-Sophie is hot. So hot. Her dress in the archery scene? Oh my gosh

-This is a two hour movie, I just realized that. I still have an hour left

-Agatha helping Sophie cheat. Good job.

-and now Agatha is getting sad

-Hester…. Hesterrrrrr….. I’m gay

-“you promise” word choice besties

-so…. The trial by tale isn’t a school event in the movie? Really?

-Hort really holds gender in every other shot. Sometimes he’s meh and others I want to look like that

-Bestie don’t announce your location to a dangerous forest at night

-okay from certain angles Sophie with this hair cut looks like Kallmekris (YouTuber)

-FRICKING REAPER SCARECROW THATS TERRIFYING

-HA Tedros got yeeted

-WHAT IN THE FREAKY GHOST STORY WAS THAT CRAWLING PUMPKIN REAPER????? I DID A PROJECT ON A GHOST LIKE THAT IN SOCIOLOGY AND IT MESSED ME UP FOR WEEKS

-reaper go boom

-Sophie is starting to craaaaack

-AND THERE’S KIT IN HIS VAMPIRE COSPLAY AGAIN

-Dovey’s acting needs work

-okay, the Never’s dorm is top notch

-Agatha is bisexual and Sophie is a repressed lesbian. Change my mind

-op, and here comes the nemesis signs

-Kit and his vampire cosplay back at it again

-THATS SO CREEPY

-Lesso is 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

-see, in the book you don’t know which brother the school master is. Here, good is explicitly stated as the school master and Rafal is causing chaos

-“oh no she’s missing” and no one thought to check the library?

-Sophie’s nooooooooose whyyyyyy

-ooooooo, I like how they made Lesso a reader

-Tedros spitting facts

-“she’s like my sister” NAH YALL ACT TOO GAY TO BE SISTERS SORRY

-Tedros “you’re my true love” after barely interacting. Lovely.

-Sophie had a veil on how ugly is she under there?

-YO WOW SHE LOOKS LIKE MIRACLE MAX

-“quiet Aggie the protagonists are speaking” I’m stealing that, that’s such a good line

-Wow Tedros throwing Agatha under the bus

-see, if you didn’t read the book, the nemesis thing wouldn’t have made sense

-Sophie turned the teachers into wooden dolls, dang

-Agatha literally being the only one in this movie with brain cells

-Never Ball!!!!! I love it!!!!

-Sophie looking like a goblin from Gringotts

-SOPHIE’S HOT AGAIN THANK GOODNESS

-YAS QUEEN MAKE THEM UGLY

-yooooooo Hort is wearing a skirt

-awwww, they’re not ugly, their clothes are just black now

-Hester’s dress is gross

-THEYRE FIGHT SCENE IS LITERALLY A TOXIC BY BRITNEY SPEARS REMIX OH MY GOSH

-HORT IN A SKIRT IS KING LEVEL BEHAVIOR

-I love Hort. He’s my favorite

-Sophie, snap that pen

-YOOOOO THE SCHOOL MASTER WAS ACTUALLY RAFAL

-Vampire cosplay is back at it again

-wow imagine Kit Young watching this back and basically watching him kill himself

-I mean, he’s not wrong. He really did corrupt them.

-Tedros and Agatha had no build up. They had maybe two scenes and that’s it. Ugh. I hate it.

-I didn’t know I’d ever watch Jesper Fahey seduce Lydia Deetz yet here we are

-the CGI for the school’s collapsing kinda sucks not gonna lie

-wow Agatha, that’s cheesy

-what’s with 100s of years old beings wanting to marry Sophia’s character?

-and after an awful stab scene the school’s rebuild lovely

-Sophie being stabbed by the Storian was cheesy as heck

-Rafal called Excalibur an oversized butter knife and honestly good for him

-Sophie is dying so slowly my gosh

-why didn’t Agatha just grab the sword? Why waste Sophie’s fading energy to send it through the air?

-all it took to kill him was one slash? Really?

-Ha, they kissed (yes it was a kiss goodbye cuz Sophie died but whatever)

-ah yes, the magic tears trope

-goooooood morning Sophie

-so…… no teleportation? They don’t get yeeted back to their home town?

-NO WOLF/FAERIE EVER NEVER REVEAL?????? SERIOUSLY????? THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE BOOK!!!!!!

-HORT STRAIGHT UP REJECTING BEATRICE YESSSSSSS

-oh okay, they walk through a portal instead

-AGATHA STAYS????? FOR A BOY?????? THAT SHE BARELY KNOWS????? SERIOUSLY???????

-okay nevermind, she goes too

-they use their magic to make birds poop on their bullies. Nice.

-they set it up for a second movie. Good for them.

Okay, so basically they hit enough of their basic plot points to make it through but honestly? Wasn’t the best. The book was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay better.

#the school for good and evil #the school for good and evil spoilers #the school for good and evil movie #the book is always better than the movie #what the heck did I just watch? #Kit young’s vampire cosplay #I’m very gay

[spoilertv]

#SpoilerTV

[meryton-etc]

okay I'm so curious to know more about grantchester now.... what's up with the religious character????? please infodump i need to know

man..................................

like there's no describing grantchester because its tone problems are so profound that they have become structural. it goes from happy village soap-opera (gingham, sandwiches) to awful crimes (mutilation of bodies, child abuse, ptsd from war crimes, ptsd from being a japanese pow on the railway camps) from scene to scene. hot vicar solves crimes! silly curate gets into a muddle about brecht! hot vicar succumbs to alcoholism! silly curate attempts suicide because he cannot live with the shame of his homosexuality! dog needs a walk! silly curate adores poetry! hot vicar (replaced) rides a motorbike! old cop cheats on his wife because he can't take the flashbacks of the prison camp! grumpy housekeeper

but i can't stop watching it because al weaver, who plays the gay curate, has this electric mix of vulnerability and dignity in his performance. it's unreal! sweet suffering homosexual! comparisons to swann arlaud (delicate men)! imagine what he could do if the show was good! anyway he plays this very religious guy who's in love with a horrible man (they have negative chemistry which is hilarious - don't show me any more oliver dimsdale he's awful) and in season 6 (i believe set in 1954) he's caught kissing him on camera. OK????? so he's given the option to lie to the police and make it all go away but he decides not to??????? alright????????????? and then he is defrocked and sacked from the church of england and SENT TO PRISON. this is so ahistorical that it becomes very homophobic to me. like the character is just continually degraded because of his sexuality that it becomes a constant punishment device. even tho that's really not how it would have happened -- has nobody on the writing team read a mary oliver book - a clergyman would never have been sent to prison. fined, yes - prison never!! court never! fuck's sake!! and then in prison they put him in solitary confinement???

non-exhaustive list of things leonard finch has been through in grantchester:

child abuse (from homophobic father who also turned out to be gay)

mother died of - illness?

implied that he tried to jump off a roof i think

cheated on

pressured into straight marriage (doesn't go thru with it)

held up at a post office

suicide attempt, left alone for 24 hours after this is discovered (to vibe ig)

father disowns him

punched by work superior

business targeted by serial killer

held hostage at knifepoint

solitary confinement

friend murdered in prison

but don't worry, he's fine! im off to watch s08e01 now

[dangermousie]

Mousie’s absolutely subjective, very biased Top 10 web novels list

Please note that this is hardly aiming to be objective, if one can even be properly objective about a work of fiction. It is 110% based on my preferences, which means this list is heavy on the angst and has nothing set in the modern day. It is also heavily danmei-centric, even though I read way more het romance than danmei, because for whatever reason, most of the danmei I’ve read has been insanely good.

10. Return of the Swallow - one of the two non-danmeis on this list. Smart and nuanced and with a large cast of characters. Our heroine is a long-lost daughter of the family that is brought back in and has to cope with familial struggles, crazy royals, court intrigue, invasion et al. It’s SO GOOD! There is romance with the sexy smart enemy general but honestly, it’s the heroine that is the main selling point for me.

9. Transmigrator Meets Reincarnator - the only other non-danmei novel on this list, this was my very first web novel and what drew me into this insanity. This is just a ton of fun, probably the lightest novel on this list, not an ounce of angst to be found. But it’s hilarious and features competent heroine and tsundere hero and I will always love it for opening a new world to me. Anyway, our heroine transmigrates into the novel as the female lead. Unlike the original lead though she doesn’t want to seek adventures and angst - she just wants to comfortably live with the wealthy, nice husband heroine has. Alas, said husband is no longer nice since he has previously lived this story where he was betrayed by FL and then transmigrated/reincarnated into the past. Oh well, the heroine opens up businesses and makes friends. And eventually, her husband realizes his wife is way different this time around. This actually doesn’t have much romance, not until close to the end, but this is so fun I don’t care.

8. Lord Seventh - I am only partway through this so far, but it’s already on the list because it’s smart and somehow intense AND laid-back (not sure how this works, but it does) and is honestly just a really really solid and smart period novel, with the OTP a cherry on top of a narrative sundae. Plus, I love the concept of MC deciding he is not going for his supposedly fated love - he’s tried for six lifetimes, always with disaster, and he’s just plain done and tired. When he opens his life in his seventh reincarnation and sees the person he would have given up the world for, he genuinely feels nothing at all. (Spoiler - his OTP is actually a barbarian shaman this time around, thank you Lord!)

7. Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (MDZS) - oh come on, how are you even on this tumblr if you don’t know MDZS/The Untamed? This was my very first danmei and it’s so much fun! I love everything about it - the unreliable narrator, the looping structure, the main OTP, Wei Wuxian’s laidback, traumatized insouciance, everything. Anyway, the plot in the event you somehow transported here from 2005 is that the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, Wei Wuxian, was defeated by the righteous sects over a decade ago and fell of a cliff to his death. Only now that same Wei Wuxian opens his eyes in another body and everything that was supposed to stay in the past starts again.

6. Heaven Official’s Blessing (TGCF) - people either love its meandering narrative, picaresque structure and cast of thousands, or find it a detriment compared to much more compact MDZS. I love it even more than MDZS for those very qualities. It does have a rock-solid, darling OTP, but what really elevates it to me are the MXTX trademark combo of snarky/light tone hiding a ton of trauma underneath, the insanely intricate world-building, and what it has to say about the nature of grace and goodness. Xie Lian is one of my top 5 web novel characters and probably in top 10 from anywhere. Oh, and while MXTX’s stuff is not as angsty for me as Meatbun’s or even Priest’s, there are always exceptions, and there is one chapter in this novel that pretty much broke me and sometimes I still flashback to it and feel unwell.

Anyway, what is it about? There is a commotion in the heavenly realm - Xie Lian, the Crown Prince of a long-destroyed kingdom, has ascended to Godhood. That in itself is not so exciting. However for Xie Lian this is the third time (!!!!) as he’s ascended and lost his godhood twice prior. And now, the biggest joke of the divine realm is back, throwing the heavenly realm into chaos. And elsewhere, Hua Cheng, one of the four most powerful demons of that Universe, sits up and takes notice.

5. Golden Stage - my perfect comfort novel. Probably the least angsty of any danmei novel on this list (which still means plenty angsty :P) It also has a dedicated, smart OTP that is an OTP for the bulk of the book - I think you will notice that in most of the novels in this list, I go for “OTP against the world” trope - I can’t stand love triangles and the same. Anyway, Fu Shen, is a famous general whose fame is making the emperor antsy. When he gets injured and can’t walk any more, the emperor gladly recalls him and marries him off to his most faithful court lackey, the head of sort of secret police, Yan Xiaohan. The emperor intends it both as a check on the general and a general spite move since the two men always clash in court whenever they meet. But not all is at is seems. They used to be friends a long time ago, had a falling out, and one of the loveliest parts of the novel is them finding their way to each other, but there is also finding the middle path between their two very different philosophies and ways of being, not to mention solving a conspiracy or dozen, and putting a new dynasty on the throne, among other things. It always makes me think, a little, of “if Mei Changsu x Jingyan were canon.”

4. Sha Po Lang - if you like a lot of fantasy politics and world-building and steampunk with your novels, this one is for you. This one is VERY plot-heavy with smart, dedicated characters and a deconstruction of many traditional virtues - our protagonist Chang Geng, a long-lost son of the Emperor, is someone who wants to modernize the country but also take down the current emperor his brother for progress’ sake and the person he’s in love with is the general who saved him when he was a kid who is nominally his foster father. Anyway, the romance is mainly a garnish in this one, not even a big side dish, but the relationship between two smart, dedicated, deadly individuals with very different concepts of duty is fascinating long before it turns romantic. And if you like angst, while overall it’s not as angsty as e.g., Meatbun stuff, Chang Geng’s childhood is the stuff of nightmares and probably freaks me out more than anything else in any novel on this list, 2ha included.

3. To Rule In a Turbulent World (LSWW) - gay Minglan. No seriously. This is how I think of it. it’s a slice of life period novel with fascinating characters and setting that happens to have a gay OTP, not a romance in a period setting per se and I always prefer stories where the romance is not the only thing that is going on. It’s meticulously written and smart and deals with character development and somehow makes daily minutia fascinating. Our protagonist, You Miao, is the son of a fabulously wealthy merchant, sent to the capital to make connections and study. As the story starts, he sees his friend’s servants beating someone to death, feels bad, and buys him because, as we discover gradually and organically, You Miao may be wealthy and occasionally immature but he is a genuinely good person. The person he buys is a barbarian from beyond the wall, named Li Zhifeng. It’s touch and go if the man will survive but eventually he does and You Miao, who by then has to return home, gives him his papers and lets him go. However, LZF decides to stick with You Miao instead, both out of sense of debt for YM saving his life and because he genuinely likes him (and yet, there is no instalove on either of their parts, their bodies have fun a lot quicker than their souls.) Anyway, the two take up farming, get involved in the imperial exams and it’s the life of prosperity and peace, until an invasion happens and things go rapidly to hell. This is so nuanced, so smart (smart people in this actually ARE!) and has secondary characters who are just as complex as the mains (for example, I ended up adoring YM’s friend, the one who starts the plot by almost beating LZF to death for no reason) because the novel never forgets that few people are all villain. There is a lovely character arc or two - watching YM grow up and LZF thaw - there is the fact that You Miao is a unicorn in web novels being laid back and calm. This whole thing is a masterpiece.

2. Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - want the emotional hit of 2ha but want to read something half its length? Well, the author of 2ha is here to eviscerate you in a shorter amount of time. This has the beautiful world-building, plot twists that all make sense and, at the center of it all, an intense and all-consuming and gloriously painful relationship between two generals - one aristocratic loner Mo Xi, and the other gregarious former slave general Gu Mang. Once they were best friends and lovers, but when the novel starts, Gu Mang has long turned traitor and went to serve the enemy kingdom and has now been returned and Mo Xi, who now commands the remnants of his slave army, has to cope with the fact that he has never been able to get over the man who stabbed him through the heart. Literally. This novel has a gorgeously looping structure, with flashbacks interwoven into present storyline. There is so much love and longing and sacrifice in this that I am tearing up a bit just thinking of it. If you don’t love Mo Xi and Gu Mang, separately and together, by the end of it, you have no soul.

1. The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha/erha) - if you’ve been following my tumblr for more than a hot second, you know my obsession with this novel. Honestly, even if I were to make a list of my top 10 novels of any kind, not just webnovels, this would be on the list. It has everything I want - a complicated, intricate plot with an insane amount of plot twists, all of which are both unexpected and make total sense, a rich and large cast of characters, a truly epic OTP that makes me bawl, emotional intensity that sometimes maxes even me out and so much character nuance and growth. Also, Moran is my favorite web novel character ever, hands down.

Anyway, the plot (or at least the way it first appears) is that the evil emperor of the cultivation world, Taxian Jun, kills himself at 32 and wakes up in the body of his 16 year old self, birth name Moran. Excited to get a redo, Moran wants to save his supposed true love Shimei, whose death the last go-around pushed him towards evil. He also wants to avoid entanglement with Chu Wanning, his shizun and sworn enemy in past life. And that’s all you are best off knowing, trust me. The only hint I am going to give is oooh boy the mother of all unreliable narrators has arrived!

The novel starts light and funny on boil the frog principle - if someone told me I would be full bawling multiple times with this novel, I’d have thought they were insane, but i swear my eyes hurt by the end of it. I started out being amused and/or disliking the mains and by the end I would die for either of them.

#cnovel #2ha #yuwu #to rule in a turbulent world #lsww #sha po lang #golden stage #return of the swallow #transmigrator meets reincarnator #lord seventh #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #heaven official's blessing #the dumb husky and his white cat shizun

[all-hail-the-witcher]

geralt ramsey

I've been screaming about this with @toss-a-coin-to-your-lesbian and @toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account for like days so you've heard of chef!geralt, now get ready for geralt ramsey because I've been watching way too much hells kitchen and kitchen nightmares

-so geralts a witcher. been alive since like the middle ages.

-but the monsters got few and far between and he dabbled in some careers before going to culinary school

-jaskiers especially surprised that he's good at it cause he remembers geralts tasteless campfire rabbit from 1238 thank you Very much

-also no one knows how old he is

-someone asked him on twitter once

-he said “852″

-everyone thought he was joking

-but anyway geralt somehow becomes this Really Good Chef

-hosts hells kitchen, masterchef, masterchef kids, kitchen nightmares, all of them and owns all the restaurants has his fancy lil michelin stars okay he's Good

-everyones scared of him

-he wears his hair in a bun, pen behind the ear

-arms crossed, usually scowling 

-wears a black jacket instead of chefs whites cause jaskier says it makes his “hair pop”

-intimidating To The Max

-but he's secretly the biggest softie

-but no one really knows it

-cause if you undercook his scallops? oh man you're gonna get it

-jaskier kinda thinks its hot

-speaking of jaskier

-hes one of the hosts on great british baking show

-valdo marx is the other

-No One Knows That Jaskier And Geralt Are Together Much Less Married

-jaskier makes them get married in a new place every time it becomes legal there

-geralt hates it but he puts up with it cause it makes jaskier happy

-but anyway

-no one knows they're together

-jaskier cant cook to save his life

-hes essentially the joey batey baking video irl

-every time he cooks geralt says a prayer that he won't get food poisoning

-like gordon does on kitchen nightmares

-jaskiers specialty is dino nuggets

-geralt pretends to hate them but he loves munching them after a long day

- “if word got out that a 16 michelin star chef liked dino nuggets id be done for julek, how dare you even suggest such a thing”

-one time on kitchen nightmares he lets it slip that he has a husband

- “even my husbands food is better than that!!” 

-and immediately goes “fuck”

-the whole internet is like you're MARRIED???? you're GAY??????

-cue hunt for the elusive husband

-jaskier thinks its fucking hilarious

-lambert teases him relentlessly

-there are many theories

-but alas, no one guesses the host of gbb

-one time

-its one of their many anniversaries 

-geralt forgot cause by this point they have at least 150

-that night on hells kitchen he goes “listen up. my husbands here tonight. its our anniversary. don't fuck this up.”

-everyone (including contestants) tries to figure out who the husband could be

-but they cant

-the only person of any remote significance is that hist of gbb sitting in the red kitchens vip booth

-eventually tho it Does come out

-in like

-the most ridiculous way possible

-theres this big fire in one of geralts restaurants 

-on the night he happens to be there

-everyones pretty much fine

-but geralt (along with most of the other kitchen staff) inhaled a fuck ton of smoke

-jaskier shows up just as geralts hacking and trying to sign the waiver to refuse care

-cause hes a “fucking witcher, jaskier. ive survived way worse with your slapdash first aid and back room healers i don't need modern medicine” 

-jaskier is Beside Himself

-meanwhile everyones like tf is the host of gbb doing here

-jaskiers arguing with geralt and everyones like :o cause you Don't do that

- “dear heart. you can’t breathe. you are GOING to the hospital if i have to drag you there myself!”

-everyones like....dear heart????

- “julek-”

- “no! you're my husband!! i fucking care about you, you oaf! modern medicine was invented for a reason!!!”

-everyones like oh. oh my god. that's him. that's the fucking husband.

-and geralts just like

- “i used to fight monsters i can survive some sm-” and then he just starts coughing

-and jaskiers like. instantly soft as heck. 

- “cmon dear heart, lets go talk to the emts, alright? I know you can survive without their help, but it would make me feel so much better if you listened to them.”

- “....fine”

-and jaskier gives him a forehead kiss and wraps his arm around him

-everyones Shocked

-cause it was bakeoff dude all along????

-geralts kinda annoyed 

- “now i gotta share you, julek”

- “there's enough of me to go around”

- “hmm”

- “if you're so annoyed we could always stage a divorce. we can afford one, we are legally married in like 16 countries”

- “no, jaskier”

-lambert teases them about it

- “really geralt? no one had Smoke Inhalation on their betting list for how the world find out you were together! now what are we supposed to do? the pool was like a million bucks!!”

-geralt ignores him

-but after it comes out

-jaskier occasionally surprises geralt at work

-and everyones So Shocked that grrr mean chef geralt is actually so soft with his husband??

-and jasper also talks about geralt on bakeoff 

-he tells cute stories

-i just love this au and i could talk about it for hours okay

#if someone drew geralt ramsey id give you my first born child #witcher #witcher au #witcher hc #geralt #geralt of rivia #chef!geralt #geralt ramsey #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #this is the best thing I've ever thought up

[kybee1497]

Julie likes to borrow people’s clothes as a comfort thing. A visual, sensory, physical reminder that she’s loved and she has a little piece of that person with her sometimes. It helps her feel more grounded and present and it helps when she has bad days.

Before her mom died, it was less about comfort and a little more about being one of her love languages.

She was only friends with Flynn for four months before she ‘stole’ Flynn’s monster slippers for a few days. Now it’s a standard part of their Christmas presents to each other. They get a new pair of slippers and wear them once or twice before swapping for the new year.

Before things went down with Carrie, the three of them had clothes stashed at each other’s houses and weren’t shy about wearing whatever they grabbed first. Julie came to school once when she was 12 wearing Flynn’s cheetah print hat, Carries pink sweatshirt, and her own jeans she’d doodled on.

She borrowed her dads shirts for playing pirate queen when she was little.

But after her mom died it became a little more about keeping the people she loved closer to her. A reminder that they were there and loved her and everything was okay. And she wears her moms clothes sometimes to help her feel a bit closer. Her mom was gone but sometimes, when julie pulled a sweater out from the back of the closet, it still smelled like her moms perfume, and when she wrapped herself up in the warm, soft material it almost felt like being wrapped in her moms arms when she was small. For just a minute, it’s like having her back again. Then the feeling fades and Julies left with a time worn sweater with its fading scent, and it’s still enough, for now. It’s not the same, not at all, but it makes it a little bit easier to get through the day when all she wants to do is crawl back into bed with her head under the pillow and forget the world for the day.

She wears one of Carlos’s hats the entire week he’s gone at baseball camp the first summer after her mom died, reminding herself that it’s fine, and Carlos is fine, and he’ll be home in a week, and everything will be fine.

We already see in canon that she wears a lot of her moms clothes for performances because it helps her to feel closer to her mom. You can’t tell me julie wouldn’t have her own. Eventually she stops wearing her moms clothes for everyday activities, but even years down the road, Julie still incorporates something of her moms into each performance outfit. A dahlia pin, a necklace, a belt, etc.

Slowly as Julie heals and grows, borrowing clothes slowly regains some of the playfullness and affection it had before. It’s still got some of the needing an anchor bit that it had before but it’s not the only thing keeping her afloat anymore.

The first summer after Julie and the Phantoms was formed. Julies summer wardrobe consisted half of her own clothes and half Luke’s cut off shirts because “It’s really fucking hot outside Luke and these are more comfortable than anything else I own.” Luke just about dies a second time the first time he pops into Julie’s room while she’s laying across the foot of her bed, scribbling in her song book, and he sees that she’s wearing a pair of cut offs and his Rush shirt. You would think after the first few times he would be used to it but the boys brain glitches every time. Flynn thinks it’s hilarious.

She falls asleep in the studio one night and walks up warm and content with Reggie’s leather jacket draped over her. The boys are out for the morning and she’s running late so she slips her hands in the sleeves and wears it to school for the day. Luke trips over the air when she walks in that afternoon wearing it because Julie and leather jacket and pretty and adorable. He doesn’t even clock that it’s Reggie’s until Julie is handing it back at the end of the night with a soft smile and a thank you.

Julie wouldn’t dare to borrow Alex’s fanny pack, it’s sacred. No ones really sure exactly what he keeps in there but he always has exactly what they need. Reggie’s convinced it’s magic and Julie almost agrees, but Alex’s pink sweatshirt on the other hand, that’s fair game. It’s softer and cozier than it looks and it becomes julies new favorite thing. Alex is fine with it. Sometimes he grumbles about being cold but he just curls into Willie instead and always cuts her off when she offers it back.

Flynn won’t say it out loud but sometimes she buys clothes that are more Julies style than her own because Julie hates buying new clothes but she loves borrowing (and keeping) them and Julie needs some new, cute clothes in her wardrobe because while her boys may be cute, none of them have good fashion sense. Except for maybe Alex, but his style is more 90’s gay icon which is incredible but not really Julies thing. So flynn gets a new sweater or a dress and wears it a few times, maybe leaves it out when julie comes over or throws an extra jacket in her backpack on days that she knows julie was up late writing with Luke and would likely forget her lunch, a text book and at least a jacket on her mad dash out the door. It’s what Flynn called working the system. Julie got to show her affection and cute clothes, and Flynn got to play stylist. It was the best of both worlds.

A year later, when Carrie wants to talk and apologizes, when they slowly work their way back into a friendship. Julie fishes one of the triple threat shirts she had stashed in the back of her closet that she liked to forget she kept and pulls it on under a hoodie before school that day. Thankfully they’d messed up when they were ordering the shirts and ordered adult sizing instead of youth. So it fit perfectly at 17 where they’d been night shirts at 8. Interestingly enough, Carries also wearing a sweatshirt that day and Julie catches a glimpse the familiar lettering of -antoms on the back of the shirt underneath when they’re changing for PE. The day they both wore something that reminded them of the other without talking about it or showing it off, was the day the tentative part of tentative friendship was finally removed. There’s still some days where old hurts ache a bit more than usual because even small wounds leave scars, and some of the wounds were far from small. Sometimes Carrie starts to mention rose and Julie flinches. Just a bit, it wouldn’t even be super noticeable if they hadn’t known each other that well, if carrie hadn’t spent a year watching Julie flinch every time she opened her mouth. Carrie hates a lot of things about herself, but that one, that one was by far the worst. Not everything can be forgiven, but they can move forward and sometimes that’s enough.

Idk this got super long and idk if it makes sense anymore and I’m too lazy to edit it but JULIE MOLINA IS A CLOTHES THIEF and I love that for her. Also I might fuck around and flesh this out into a fic later when I’m not so slammed with wips.

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #julie molina #rose molina #jatp hc #the molina family #luke patterson #julie and the himbos #alex mercer #jukebox #reggie peters #willex #flynn taylor #carrie wilson #jatp headcanon #kiwi makes shit up

[bamfdaddio]

X-Men Abridged: 1981

The X-Men, those back-to-the-future mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!

(Uncanny X-Men 141 - 152) - by Chris Claremont and John Byrne, Brent Anderson, Dave Cockrum, Jim Sherman, Bob McLeod and Josef Rubinstein

While I also committed various fashion atrocities at the age of 14 (tye-die and fauxhawks, oh my), even Liberace would find Kitty’s outfits too much. (Uncanny X-Men 149; Uncanny X-Men Annual ‘81)

We dial back from the v. epic scope of the last few arcs. Instead, 1981 is just a lot of fun! We get:

Storm and Emma doing a Freaky Friday!

the X-Men vs. Magneto (again!)

A surprisingly effective Alien rip-off

An dystopian future! (OoOoOoOo)

Last year was the year of the Dark Phoenix, this is the year of Kitty Pryde. That’s not to say Jean’s death is swept under the rug: all throughout, we see her friends mourning her loss or remembering her fondly. (Scott even gets to have a demonic adventure about it.) But in general, Claremont puts Kitty in the forefront, fleshing out his YA-addition to the team. And what would a YA heroine be without a grim dystopia? Roll out the iconic Days of Future Past!

To be fair, 2013 was a dark time for all of us: What Does the Fox Say somehow got to the top of the charts and I was still watching Glee. (Uncanny X-Men 141)

How cool would it have been to see a name like Jonothon Starsmore or Eva Bell on those tombstones?

Anyway, that’s Kate. Kate’s had it rough. Mutants are at the bottom of the foodchain, most X-Men are dead and only a small cadre of resistance fighters remain, Sentinels dominate, and while she is married to Piotr, her children have been murdered. Bleak. Luckily, the rebellion has concocted the plan to shunt Kate’s spirit back in time to prevent this awful future from happening. (You’ve seen Days of Future Past, the last passably good X-Men film, you know what’s up.)

Let’s do the time warp again! 1981!Kitty’s mind gets taken over by 2013!Kitty, who promptly tries to convince the X-Men that a new Brotherhood of v. Evil Mutants will try to kill Senator Kelly, a presidential candidate who tries to put the mutant menace on the agenda. (Mutants tend to blow stuff up when he’s around.) Since the X-Men recently took a literal trip to Dante’s Infero and also befriended a cosmic world-ending entity, they basically shrug and go: “Yeah, this checks out.”

Off to Washington they go (zoommm) and there, they happen upon the Baddest Bitches in Herstory:

“How dare you hate mutants, senator Kelly! We’ll fix that by killing you!” (Uncanny X-Men 141)

This All-New, All-Different Brotherhood consists out of:

Destiny, a blind woman who can see the future. Definitely the eeriest member of this group. Badass lesbian, though that won´t be canon for years.

Avalanche. Greek who makes things shake. Is a long-standing member of the X-Men Rogue’s gallery, but rarely features in the spotlight. I think he got more characterization in four years of X-Men Evolution than he ever did in the comics.

Mystique. Shapeshifter. Ruthless and unhinged, the Cersei Lannister of the X-Men universe. Absolute legend, secretly the wife of Destiny, currently not as unhinged as she’ll be later. Immediately implied to be related to Nightcrawler: it’s the yellow-eyes-blue-skin-combo.

Pyro. Can manipulate fire, not create it. Absolute pillock, in all the best ways of the word. Originally intended as gay, but they decided to make him Australian instead. (?!)

Blob. Big, strong, immovable. We’ve seen him before.

One of the details in this fight I enjoy is that Storm is still struggling with her leadership, although she has a better grip on things than Cyclops:

Wolverine then proceeds to use those iconic but deadly claws about twice per issue for the next, oh, forty years. (Uncanny X-Men 142)

While the X-Men fight the Brotherhood in the present, we cut back and forth to the future. There, the X-Men consist out of some familiar faces - Storm, Colossus, Wolverine - and some surprises: Magneto (in a wheelchair), Franklin Richards (son of) and an unfamiliar ginger girl called Rachel. (She’ll be important later.) We even learn (one of) Magneto’s names: this is the first time he’s canonically called Magnus.

One of the strengths of Days of Future Past lies in its brevity, the way it tantalizingly taunts us with a brutal but familiar future without giving away too much. It’s single-handedly responsible for all those dark future timelines the X-lines are so fond of which will eventually culminate in time-displaced grandsons from alternative dimensions and the impossibility of a succinct answer to the question: “Who’s Cable?” Too much of a good thing and all that.

Still, what Days of Future Past does so successfully is:

Put the idea of the mutant menace back at the forefront, hammering home the metaphor of mutants being a minority. Mutants being put in camps and being forbidden to breed should - regretfully - make us think of all too many real life equivalents. (Specifically, all of the imagery harkens back to the Holocaust.)

It starkly shows what happens should the X-Men lose, reminding everyone of the stakes. The X-Men are here for a reason: bridging the gap between mutants and humankind. If they fuck up, we end up with mutant concentration camps.

It helps that the X-Men in the future almost all die horribly: Franklin is incinerated, Storm is impaled… It's brutal stuff. The only one to survive is Rachel, who wonders if their plan actually changed the future or if they created an alternative timeline. (It did the latter, sorry ‘bout it, Rachel.)

In the present, Kate chases after Destiny, who trains a gun on senator Kelly. I always wondered how this works: if Destiny saw the future, she knew that killing Kelly would trigger a terrifying future. What in the current Marvel timeline made her decide that the Days of Future Past was better? Did she see her own death? Did she see the Onslaught-crossover coming? The Chuck Austen run? What was it?

In any case, time-anomalous Kate stops Destiny from killing Kelly and the future is safe! For now. Kate disappears, Kitty returns to her body and some of the Brotherhood are apprehended. All is well, for now.

After being a key figure in DoFP, Kitty is also the main character in the Christmas special, which is basically a straight up horror and a pastiche of the Alien-movie.

Seriously, John Byrne still isn’t sure why he wasn’t sued by Ridley Scott for this. (Uncanny X-Men 143)

If you love Kitty Pryde? Read this issue. If you’re not convinced you like 80’s Kitty? Read this issue. It’s not continuity relevant and it’s basically Kitty playing the part of a Final Girl in a horror where she’s being chased by a demon, but it’s so good. It showcases all her strengths and her foibles. Kitty’s intelligent, cute (sometimes preciously so) and brave, but she’s also young, self-conscious and hot-headed. And it's not as if the other X-Men automatically adore her: Storm berates her all the time, she’s afraid of Kurt because of the way he looks (though she grows out of that) and she fights with Professor Xavier a lot. Moreover, she has a clever power-set for a young superhero who faces menaces on a daily basis: a thirteen year old who can go intangible is far less likely to have reality ensue on her and be dramatically offed because she's better at protecting herself.

I’m sure there are people who thought Sprite was hogging the spotlight, but I, for one, say she brings more to the table than, say, Angel. She’s not the Dawn Summers of this franchise.

Scott also gets a side quest. Poor guy can’t catch a break: first the love of his life dies, so he quits the X-Men, then he realizes he can’t do much else than be a superhero. He becomes a sailor on the ship of spunky captain Lee Forrester, is drawn into the sadistic plans of a demon unironically named D’Spayre and then shipwrecks in Bermuda with Lee.

The X-Men, meanwhile, are tormented by a team-up of Doom (who’s currently Latverialess and working on a comeback) and Arcade, that annoying crony. Locke, Arcade’s dom, has kidnapped the loved ones of the X-Men (Moira MacTaggart, Jean Grey’s parents, Illyana Rasputin and Amanda Sefton) in order to blackmail them into getting Doom to free Arcade. Apparently, Arcade accidentally insulted Doom and DOOM DOES NOT FORGIVE THAT FOLLY.

While the B-Squad (Polaris, Havok, Banshee and Iceman) goes to save Arcade’s hostages, the X-Men sneak into Doom’s castle. Well, except for Storm, who doesn’t give a single fuck and simply flies up to Doom, demanding an audience. Doom likes the cut of her jib and invites her to have dinner. (This is pre-Tinder, so this is a legit way of scoring a date.)

If Storm has a flaw (I said if!), it’s got to be her atrocious taste in men. (Uncanny X-Men 145)

The X-Men find Arcade’s cell empty, while Arcade casually saunters up to Storm and says hi. Storm realizes too late that this is a trap: while the X-Men are all trapped in Saw-like traps, Storm is encased in ‘living chrome’.

If you remember she’s claustrophobic, you know why this is a bad move.

While the X-Men free themselves from their traps - Polaris hilariously has to deal with a murderous merry-go-round - Storm is slowly driven mad in her prison, triggering a worldwide tempest. (She causes Lee and Scott to shipwreck.) Under the threat of Wolverine’s claws, Doom releases Storm - or rather, unleashes her.

“Instead of a Dark Lord, you would have a queen, not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Tempestuous as the sea, and stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair!” (Uncanny X-Men 147)

The memory of Jean brings Ororo back to herself and she starts undoing the superstorm she created. (If only climate change were reversed that easily.) Their confrontation ends by Storm easily forgiving Doom, because she apparently trespassed on his grounds without adequate cause.

Mkay.

All of Arcade’s hostages return to their homesteads, except for Illyana Rasputin, Piotr’s sister: she’s staying at the mansion for a while. Angel, who’s sort of been a part of the team since the Phoenix thing, has had it with Wolverine and his ‘tude, and decides to quit the X-Men : he doesn’t want to be a part of an outfit that has a killer like Wolverine on it. (Or maybe he’s just mad Claremont didn’t give him any storylines: his presence has been mostly pointless.) It’s too bad he left before Kitty started experimenting with her outfits: I bet he would have loved her ugly-ass costumes.

Equally inconsequential is the introduction of a brand new character, who then proceeds to disappear from the narrative for the rest of the year:

Black Tom has tried to kill you at least twice, but him sending you a long-lost daughter doesn’t give you pause? Ugh, Sean, you deserve Moira. (Uncanny X-Men 148)

Intrigued by Theresa? TOO BAD, WON’T SEE HER AGAIN ANYTIME SOON.

Another new character is the lonely, decidedly mutant looking Caliban, who can sense “people like him” and is on the lookout for companions. Like many lonely people who try and grasp at friendship, he decides to overshoot his shot and ruin the night of Storm, Kitty and Jessica Drew at a Dazzler concert. Because he tries to kidnap Kitty, the girls react a trifle aggressively. When they realize their mistake - the eerily pale Caliban is a simpleton rather than a menace - he’s already fled. No mention is made of the Morlocks yet!

There’s also another dull annual where the X-Men team up with the Fantastic Four to save Arkon’s dimension from the Badoon and yaaaaawn. Far more interesting is the landmark issue #150. Slowly, through the adventures of Scott and Lee Forrester, Claremont has been setting things up for the return of a favorite villain. While the X-Men investigate Magneto’s old base in Antarctica on a hunch of Professor X and tangle with Garruk, Scott and Lee survive Storm’s tempest, only to wake up next to a strange island that seems to have been raised from the ocean.

It’s apparently some ancient citadel from a long forgotten civilization with a fondness for squid statues. (I don’t know man, I’ve never been to the Bermuda Triangle, maybe this is just super-accurate.)The tentacles make Lee Forrester feel very amorous, but before Scott can tell her he is way too repressed to just have sex with an attractive someone he’s known intimately for a month or two, Magneto saves his ass by revealing he, in fact, raised this island from the seafloor.

Oh, Magneto. So extra.

My ambitious little mutant demagogue then proceeds to take the entire world hostage, showing how much he’s grown from the pompous, raving madman from the sixties. (Sure, Magneto is still a bit of a madman, but increasingly, he starts being on the right side of history.)

“I’m trying to make Magneto more sympathetic.”

“Just put him on a page with some bigger villains who are less noble, like the Vanisher, Count Nefaria, or…”

“Reagan, Thatcher and Brezhnov?”

“Er.” (Uncanny X-Men 150)

It’s obvious Magneto is being pivoted as a more noble villain, codified into the well-intentioned extremist we know and love today. Not only do we get the first hints at his past, fleshing out his motivations, he’s also not wrong. Humans are historically not great at taking care of the planet or each other.

When the Russians call his bluff and launch nukes at Magneto’s new island, he quickly disarms them. His retribution is swift and ferocious: the entire citadel is a machine that massively amplifies his powers. He sinks the submarine that launched the missiles, condemning the entire crew to death, and he casually erects a vulcano in a Russian city in Siberia.

Damn. Not messing around this time.

Despite his good intentions, Magneto is still definitely in the wrong: not only because of his methods, but as Scott points out: if Magneto unifies the world under his kind of benevolent dictatorship, all of that will simply fall apart as soon as Magnus dies.

In a way, Magneto is just as big a dreamer as Charles is: Charles believes in peace and integration, whereas Magneto believes his iron fist will be enough to make a perfect world happen. Both of them ignore the reality that acceptance is difficult and messy, because you’re trying to change essential human nature: the fear of the other. Magneto believes in big, sweeping gestures that will fix the world in move, while changing the world is also boring, hard work. One step forward, two steps back. Magneto just wants to leapfrog to his ultimate goal.

The X-Men fly over the citadel, returning from Antarctica, and their plane crashes into the ocean. (Magneto does not brook planes over his territory, humans!) The Professor is also nearby, looking for Scott with Moira, Peter Corbeau and Carol Danvers. The X-Men sneak onto the island, but to their horror, their powers are nullified by some machine of Magneto. They reunite with Scott, who formulates a plan to thwart the would-be ruler of the world.

While the rest of the X-Men go to trash the machine, Storm, Kitty and Lee infiltrate the control chamber where Storm finds a sleeping, shirtless Magneto. Once again showing her terrible taste in men, she is not weak in the knees at the sight of a sleeping Magnus: instead, she contemplates killing him.

Storm knows how dangerous he is, but she also knows that he’s a great man who’s fighting for ideals, no matter how misguided. She hesitates too long: Magneto stirs, suspects an attack and tosses her out of the window, to her death.

Magneto quickly undoes the sabotage the other X-Men have wrought to his machine. A fight erupts. Storm, meanwhile, has managed to grab hold of a ledge. She crawls back up and smashes an important-looking computer, restoring everyone’s powers.

The battle turns grim, but Scott sends Kitty away to wreck Magneto’s machinery. She sneaks off, following Scott’s orders and destroying both Magneto's power-up device and all of his plans by phasing though the computer circuitry. Magneto senses this and furiously gives chase. Overcome by rage, he attacks Kitty and disrupts her phasing power with a magnetic bolt, seemingly killing her?

Everything about this story beat is great: mama bear!Ororo, mournful Magnus and even the fact that Kitty’s godawful outfit serves a narrative function: highlighting to us (and Magneto) just how young she is. The fact that Kitty’s Jewish is just icing on the cake. (Uncanny X-Men 150)

And thus, the softening of Magneto commences. 1981 might be a year with wildly varying narratives, but it has given us at least three enduring legacies to the X-Mythos: a new kind of Magneto, a fondness for dystopian futures and the character of Kitty Pryde, who's really come into her own this year.

Ugliest Costume: Kitty! Purposefully, but still. Best costume, by the way, goes to Destiny, with her creepy, creepy golden mask. Just imagine this lady casually strolling across a battlefield, eerily calm and collected, dodging everything you throw at her. Awesome design.

Best new character: I usually pick one character - what good is having a shared award when declaring the best of anything? - but this year, it’s going to one of my favorite couples: Mystique and Destiny. Can’t wait to see more of them.

Most audacious retcon: Blob somehow retroactively becomes a member of the original Brotherhood, which is not what happened. Ever weirder is Xavier pondering that he never met Magneto before his attack in X-Men #1, while their cordially adversarial relationship rooted in a youthful friendship would soon become a cornerstone of the X-Men.

What to read: Uncanny X-Men 141 - 143 and 150 - 152

#x-men abridged #abridged x-men #uncanny x-men #professor x #cyclops #storm #nightcrawler #colossus #kitty pryde #wolverine #magneto #days of future past #dr doom #arcade #chris claremont #john byrne #dave cockrum #angel #syrin #banshee