#i know i've been doing descriptions for the quote but 'i was in the middle before i knew that i had begun' is literally my favorite line

[izzielizzie]

Fitzwilliam Darcy

I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun

Favorite Book Characters from A to Z (6/22)

#i know i've been doing descriptions for the quote but 'i was in the middle before i knew that i had begun' is literally my favorite line #that has ever been written onto paper other than maybe 'if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more' so #here you go #fitzwilliam darcy #book characters from a to z #pride and prejudice

[maniculum]

Wait, bestiaries are real? I've only seen them in videogames. Can you find scans of them online? Or maybe ask libraries for books worh pictures/scans? Or is it something you need a degree to be able to access?

Not only are they real, they were a pretty popular genre during the Middle Ages. TTRPGs and video games get the word from that tradition. If you want to check them out but don't have university access, here are some suggestions:

The Aberdeen Bestiary is a particularly well-regarded example, and the University of Aberdeen has scanned the whole thing and made it publicly available under Creative Commons, with a transcription of the Latin and a translation into modern English. Which is an extremely cool thing for them to do. You can find it here:

If you prefer your media physical, the Bodley Bestiary is from the same manuscript tradition as the Aberdeen Bestiary and is thus very similar. There's a complete translation with full-color illustrations published in a very nice slipcover edition by the Folio Society -- if you search for, like, "folio society bestiary", there are copies available for around $30.

If that's a bit steep, there's a translation of a Latin bestiary which I believe is of the same tradition (I'm honestly not sure what manuscript it's working from; I don't have a copy of this one) by T. H. White called The Book of Beasts. You may know T. H. White from his fiction writing, most famously The Once and Future King. (And if that doesn't sound familiar to you, it's the retelling of the Arthurian legend that Disney's Sword in the Stone is based on.) You can get it for under $10 if you look for used copies.

If you'd prefer an overview rather than a deep dive into a specific bestiary, a fellow named David Badke has been maintaining and improving a seriously impressive database of bestiary entries for over twenty years now. Every beast listed in his index has a general description, then tabs along the top of that entry that quote different bestiary sources directly, provide a bibliography, point you to (frequently digitized) manuscripts in which the beast appears, and show a gallery of illustrations of said beast. You can find all that here:

If you're only familiar with bestiaries as they exist in games, I should warn you that while games usually pair the description of the beast with, like, how to fight it, medieval bestiaries usually pair the description with... spiritually edifying metaphors to help you understand what you can learn from this beast. Which isn't as much fun, unless you're a monk I guess.

Obviously everyone participating in the Bestiaryposting activity we're doing every week on this blog should be cautious accessing those resources or risk spoilers, especially since the Aberdeen Bestiary is the source I'm using for it.

#ask

[acourtofantumbra]

🚨 Ok, I've got something to SAY about lightsingers!!! 🚨

I know the "are lightsingers evil?"... or even just an easter egg... debate has sent this fandom into a tizzy a few times over. We're not on the ship controversy (pun intended), we're on the SS Earnest & Nerdy Close Reader.

My fave part of my TOG/Complete SJMU reread has been zeroing in on two groups of women/females that have long since itched my brain - priestess and witches... I also yearn for a Manorian book after all these years and I have been waiting for their... "boat hangouts" since I started my TOG reread. IYKYK.

Imagine my surprise when this description of a half dead Manon - a witch, yes, but a half Blackbeak, half Cochran heir, and witch queen - paralleled the one fleeting description we get of Lightsingers from Cassian while he, Nesta, and Azriel hunt for the mask (gotta love Manon's beautiful face casually being referred to as a mask) in the Middle in ACOSF.

Both of these scenes warrant a longer close read with more screengrabs (but I'm tired and have a gnarly cold a I can't kick) because both essentially question what it means to be evil... this is an oversimplification, but whether evil is in your nature or if intent is the deciding factor. But here's the lowdown:

In the ACOSF scene, Cassian literally just described witches, "not the human kind," who live in the bog/Middle before describing Lightsingers. Wow, what a fun coincidence. And when Nesta asks why the Prythian powers that be let the Middle and its creatures live, Cassian basically says that it's not right, or their call, to punish something for doing what it was born to do... unlike the inhabitants of the Prison who earned their spot there and needed to be removed from society and have their considerable powers leashed.

In the EoS scene, Dorian asks Manon (after she makes it clear he looks tasty af) if witches are partially human, to which she replies, "Not in the ways that count." Ok, ominous. Then Dorian remembers that witches have human, Fae, and Valg parts, but that "Valg blood had shaped the witches." But when Dorian asks Manon if she feels more human or Valg, Manon immediately responds saying that both the Valg, and Erawan, are her enemies. Nuance!

Things I think are interesting? Many have brilliantly speculated about Nesta's potential witchiness and her being smack dab in the middle of this big parallel is both very fun and, I suppose, unsurprising. The Dread Trove Mask and the allusion to Manon's beauty being a mask has me 👀 Also for all this talk of "oh no a Lightsinger will lure you and control you against your will..." might some of that lore been wrapped up in what it is the mask can essentially do? Granted it can only raise/control the dead, but that would qualify as "horror" to me. I think Prythian, Midgard, and Erilea are victims of the worst game of telephone ever.

Big picture? Every time a character says "oh yeah, we were taught x was evil," pretty consistently we're learning that was some big ol' Asteri (or whatever they're calling themselves on that planet) propaganda. And Cassian being taught that Lightsingers are evil when, by this reading, they could be very important witches? Well, that would make a lot of sense for someone raised by Illyrians who infamously hate witches (and women). Cassian is, of course, our sweet evolved himbo, but he might not know some myths he's always believed were fake news.

Anyway, this deserves a nice, long investigation, but my brain is already succumbing to NyQuil and my IQ is dropping by the second.

I leave you with this moving quote from Manon #growth

#sjm multiverse #sjm multiverse spoilers #cc3 #throne of glass #sjm theory #empire of storms #acotar #manon blackbeak #dorian havilliard #nessian #cassian #nesta archeron #lightsingers #lightsinger theory #blueblood witches #crochan witches #valg #asteri #daglan #the middle #illyrians

[walkingstackofbooks]

DS9 2x05 Cardassians thoughts (rewatching; spoilers for future episodes possibly included)

So the Netflix description for this is Julian is surprised when his "friend" Garak is bitten by a Cardassian boy - lol we all know why the quote marks are there, thank you Netflix XD

"I'm no more a spy than you are a-" "-a doctor" HAH

Dukat describing Garak as "poor Garak. An amiable fellow, if there ever was one" ahaha

Oof I have just realised how personal this episode and alleged child abuse would be to Julian. Well that's one for the fanfic

So how did dukat know about the incident if Garak didn't tell him

OOOH, Julian is ballsy af and it's WONDERFUL: "If I understand the Cardassian political system correctly..." "Who's been tutoring you in Cardassian social studies?" GLORIOUS - I'd love to have seen Julian and Dukat interact more

Sisko demanding an explanation, and Julian's sheepish "He doesn't actually tell me what he really thinks. I sort of have to deduce it." Hilarious.

Kira's little smirk, she enjoyed that

KEIKOOOO, I LOVE YOU, THAT WAS A GREAT TAKEDOWN OF MILES' PREJUDICE. And you are a QUEEN for the Cardassian food

Lol, Miles and Rugal inadvertently bonding over disliking Cardassian food

Aww, Miles is actually trying so so hard and I love him for it

Heh, whenever you see Julian sleeping adorably, you know he's gonna have a midnight guest

Haha I thought he stole the runabout but it's SO much funnier him walking up Sisko in the middle of the night

"Will one be enough?" SASSY and very valid

Julian playing with Garak's eye thing tool? :3

That little Cardassian girl is so cute

Julian stopping and looking, you know he wants to do more for these kids

Love it when Julian is annoyed

"I believe in coincidences. Coincidences happen every day. But I don't trust coincidences"

This is such a desperately sad story. There is no good ending here.

Rugel is really excellent, I wish we could see him again

I should stop commenting on Bashir heavy episodes because it's just a steam of "I love him"s really... But I DO. And his takedown here of Dukat is SO GOOD

Miles telling Rugel to come visit, my heart

Really not sure this is the best outcome? Removing a kid from everyone he's ever known and loved in favour of "bio family"? Ehhhh. Though learning to not hate yourself is hopefully good? Ugh like I said, there is no good solution here

Well seeing Garak and Bashir with together and interact is an absolute delight and I am even more mad than I was at being robbed of that in later seasons now I've been reminded just how his they are together. GAHH

Oh no I've just seen the next episode is Melora... that's a desperately cringe one isn't it. Fudge

#ds9 #ds9 cardassians #i love this episode #i love julian and garak #garashir #it's just so OBVIOUS isn't it #bah #andi watches ds9 #WSB

[mustangs-flames]

Guess who's back making a giant paragraph at one a.m. because this AU has a grip on my liver and it is NOT letting go!!!! (Please let go of my liver it's getting really messy and I can't keep cleaning up.) Anyways the new chapter???? HELLO??? I have never cried so hard reading a single chapter and I read the song of Achilles the other day (I mean I cried but not like this bad) and oh my god. (Also might be a little vain but please do not worry about my ramblings of my tears I'm just a little silly guy anyways). TRANS DAVE???? THR....... THE EXPLANATION.... THE DESCRIPTION..... As a teen who is currently struggling with their own gender oh my god I have never felt like a book has pried open my screen with metaphorical hands and opened a virtual pit with a million eyes staring at my soul your writing is genuinely some of the best I've ever read. I'd go as far as to say it is comparable to the House of Leaves but I am not a critic please do not quote me on that. AND MARK?? MARK'S grief and flashbacks of Cesar, I was genuinely in his shoes, feeling that short sense of relief before everything crumbled apart and I could do nothing but watch even though I knew the thoughts and feelings of "Cesar", it's agony and whatever the hell is going on in it's little purgatory. Perhaps it's already mentioned or is going to be mentioned but is "Cesar" directly communicating with Mark or is it his trauma acting up? Part of me wonders for a moment if there's something more from my sheer grief of this fan fiction or if you are just phenomenally good at invoking pathos and I am leaning towards the latter rn. I hope this doesn't come off as too like trauma dumpy btw!! That's not my intent at all this isn't venting it's just me throwing down words that come to my mind in the middle of the night when I should be asleep!! I've looked through your boundary list but please please let me know if I'm crossing any boundaries ty!! Also I am very excited for possible Adam next chapter?? Unless I am misinterpreting your authors note. Rubbing my hands together like those stupid houseflies before they land on your food can't wait to see what he's like in your story. -Emotionally Deranged Anon

Aaaa thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter! Sorry for making you cry though - I hope you're okay lol

Touching on Dave being trans was a part I enjoyed not because it was sad, but because I've been waiting to confirm him as trans in the AU for a while now so it was nice to finally do that, haha. The nightmare with Cesar becoming alt!Cesar was also something I really loved writing too! I enjoy writing and exploring body horror a lot and this AU is very much the perfect opportunity for me to do that lol

The nightmare is a mix of both Mark's trauma finally beginning to get processed and his M.A.D. actually allowing him to kind of communicate with alt!Cesar trapped in the void. We'll be catching up with what alt!Cesar is experiencing very soon, but the communication is not something he is intentionally doing, it's kind of like an instinctive response/a cry for genuine help to anyone that can hear him. It certainly won't be the last time alt!Cesar ends up doing this though!

And yes, Adam should be in the next chapter! :D

(also please don't worry, this didn't come across as 'trauma dumping' or breaking any of my boundaries! thank you again for the kind words!)

#hail true body au #mustang answers!

[canidkid]

sorry you're not having a very nice time, friend:( but! i'm here to send some more superstore stuff if that's alright! :)

Kelly;

seems to be a big fan of lifetime/hallmark movies, so i just imagine her setting up a movie night! making popcorn and bringing out the warmest blankets to make sure you stay cozy while watching the movie.

she also just seems like the type to go all out for any holiday! like having a small easter egg hunt at easter, or dressing you up in cute matching costumes at halloween! she'd definitely be the type to get personalized stockings with your name on them for christmas, and do adorable little christmas crafts.

Jonah;

small hc that after the golden globes party, jonah was just so excited to show kelly all of the old commercials she hadn't seen so he could rant about them and so that she would 'be in the know'.

also just the quote, "i never yell. even when i'm mad. i just push it down really deep, and then sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night panicked and sweaty for no reason. " it just seems like something that would cause him to regress. i like to think it was something that happened while he was still with kelly (since he said it after they had broken up), and she helped calm him down afterwards. just like she'd do after a nightmare.

*weep* thank u for this TwT

I've been missing superstore stuff hehuhehe

This somehow spawned a whole little fic,, so,,, for everyone's reading pleasure

I'd say it's more agere adjacent than anything explicitly mentioned, but I really really love the idea of Kelly jumping to calm Jonah down like "No questions asked, you're getting a kissy on the head. Ok, goodnight."

cw: brief description of anxiety

Kelly turned over in bed, throwing her arm over her face. What time was it?! And why was she awake again?? She tried to glance at her alarm clock, only to realize it wasn't there. Moreover, she wasn't in her own bed, or her own home for that matter. She'd been spending the night with Jonah more often than not recently. She almost let herself drift back to sleep when she remembered why she'd been woken up in the first place.

She propped herself up to look at her partner through sleepy eyes.

Kelly startled slightly when she saw the state he was in. Sitting upright against the headboard, staring at the opposite wall, hardly breathing. He looked like he'd seen a ghost. His blankets had been kicked far from where they should be, and Kelly could see him trembling even in the dark.

“Jonah..?” Kelly whispered, not wanting to scare her boyfriend. “Did you have a nightmare, what's wrong?” Jonah physically flinched when she spoke up, which sent a pang of something unpleasant straight to Kelly's stomach.

“I'm-good. No nightmare. I'm fine, I'm good I'm-” Jonah's hasty response caught in his throat and he brought his hands up to hide his face. He fell silent again, and all Kelly could hear was his ragged breathing. She tentatively placed a hand on his back, like her own mother had done when she'd had a bad dream as a kid. She felt her boyfriend sob silently in response.

“Whatever it was, um, you're safe here? Yeah?” The sleepy fog in Kelly's brain was steadily lifting as she tried to understand the situation. She moved her hand in slow circles against Jonah’s back in an attempt to comfort him. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands and turned to look at her, still teary. “S’ too much, sometimes,” he croaked, his voice hoarse and small, “..everything.”

Kelly nodded. She understood. “Oh, I know,” she cooed, “you've been dealing with so much lately. Work's been crazy and with trying to find a place to live and-”, she stopped in her tracks. “C’mere.”

Jonah readily let himself be pulled into her arms, immediately tucking his face against her neck. Kelly noticed how tense he felt, and instinctively began to rock slightly from side to side. One of her hands found purchase in his hair, her baby blue manicured nails drawing soothing circles across his scalp. She pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “You don't have to think about any of that now.” She whispered.

They stayed like that for a while as Jonah's racing heartbeat slowed down, his muscles relaxed bit by bit - certainly aided by Kelly's expert comfort. Until, eventually, he just felt like a pile of sleepy goop in her embrace, instead of an anxious mess.

“Thanks”, he mumbled against her, feeling his cheeks heat up with the embarrassment of the whole situation. He felt so stupid and immature, like he should have rejected the comfort she offered and just…dealt with it. Like he always did.

Jonah shifted to sit beside Kelly, vehemently avoiding eye contact. “You should go back to sleep now. Sorry- sorry I woke you up.”

Kelly wasn't having that. She turned Jonah's face up with a gentle touch of her hand to make sure he was listening. “You don't have to go through everything by yourself, Pumpkin.” Kelly mentally kicked herself for letting the sillu pet name slip, but Jonah didn't seem to mind. He only responded with a tight-lipped nod, not wanting to cry again. She was just so sweet. Kelly gave a small smile before settling back down into her pillow. She held the corner of her blanket up, and Jonah accepted the invitation, crawling underneath and letting Kelly pull him close again.

…maybe it wasn't so bad to be fussed over.

#agere #sfw agere #age regression #safe agere #agedre #fandom agere #agere fandom #agere headcanons #superstore agere #agere fanfic #agere drabble #agere writing #agere ask #agere ask answer

[daniegraceg]

Sunshine & Starlight

Summary: You finally meet the notorious brother of your friend Tommy Miller.

You feel an immediate draw to him, and he returns those feelings.

You have a feeling he will become a pivotal part of your life. You're just not sure what that will look like.

Ratings: 18+ (MINORS DNI)

Tags/Warnings: just a lot of setup in this one. Some Angst, teasing. Mentions of sketchy science experiments, torture. SMUT will be coming next chapter.

Can't remember if I've forgotten any others.

Wordcount: ~~ 4K (oops 😳🤭)

Chapter One :: The Meeting

You’re working in the stables the first time you meet Joel and Ellie.

Like nearly every woman in Jackson, you can’t help but notice how good looking he is.

You introduce yourself to them both.

“Hi! I hear you’re this riff raff's brother.” You say as you shake Joel’s hand.

“Riff raff? What’re you, a mob boss from the 20s?” Tommy laughs.

“uh, duh. Can’t ya tell?” you flash a smile to him & laugh.

Joel can’t help but smile when he sees you smile.

“Sadly, my brain went to the Aladdin quote with the riff raff.” You finish. They all just give you a confused look. “oh my God, ya know? Aladdin? Cartoon movie? ‘riff raff! Street rat! I don’t buy that’” you sing the bar from the movie and the adults give you a look that shows they realize.

You roll your eyes. “need to properly educate y’all more on musicals, clearly.”

“Oh Jesus” Tommy rolls his eyes back at you. “hey, when you finish up here, can you put some supplies at the house next to ya? We’re going to have these guys stay there while they’re here.”

“oh, you don’t have to do that, we won’t be here long.” Joel interjects.

“Shush! It’s no trouble.” You say to Joel.

“ya got it!” you direct to Tommy and Maria. “I can have Andrew get some clothes together for you guys too.”

“I appreciate that ma’am, but really, we’re fine-“ Joel starts.

You put your fingers in your ears. “sorry, can’t hear you. I’m already off to do those things!! Toodle-oo!” you shoot Joel a smile before turning and disappearing out the door.

“She seems, weird but fun.” Ellie laughs.

“That’s a pretty accurate description of her” Maria laughs

Tommy catches Joel staring in the direction you just ran off to. Tommy clears his throat and Joel breaks his trance and looks back to him.

Tommy raises his eyebrow quizzically at him and Joel just gives him a look to shut up.

Tommy softly chuckles but can’t help the gears turning in his head.

They walk them around town, giving them the full tour of the town.

You make a welcome basket for them, enlisting your friend Andrew’s help to find them some clothes.

“Sssooo, is he as hot as the town says?” Andrew asks you.

You can feel the heat rushing towards your cheeks.

“Oh absolutely. More hot actually. But also seems a lot sweeter than rumors I’ve heard. But, that’s just my first impression so, who knows?”

Andrew’s eyes widen. “does our sunshine princess finally have a crush?!” he makes an exaggerated shocked face.

“What the fuck. God no. Just cause I’m human and have eyes, doesn’t mean I have a crush. Are we in middle school again?” you roll your eyes at him.

“oh come on, you need to find someone to keep your bed warm” he wiggles his eyebrows at you.

“no” you say shortly.

Ashley over hears y’all and comes up. “why NOT?”

You sigh loudly. “because I don’t need someone to warm my bed. I’m perfectly fulfilled. I got you guys, our other friends, the school, the clinic, the rec center. I don’t have time to date.”

“well what about just fucking?” she asks.

“eh, gets too messy, as y’all have seen with my track record.” You reply, referencing your long list of people in Jackson you’ve slept with, some no longer your friends because they caught feelings and you couldn’t reciprocate.

She eyes you before speaking. “I think that’s cause none of the other people have been able to handle you. You need someone that can handle you and loves all of you.”

“We live in the apocalypse, I think you’re aiming too high.”

You end the conversation there and go to deliver the package to Joel and Ellie.

You get there and see them sitting in the living room with Tommy and Maria.

Knock, knock, knock

“Come on in” you hear Tommy yell.

“Special delivery!” you say in a sing song voice. “got a whole lot of goodies, food, basic supplies, clothes. I think Andrew put in some ‘nicer clothes’ in there too for the party tonight too”

“A party?” Joel and ellie said in unison.

Tommy explains how the town has weekly parties to give people something fun to do.

“and this one here sings and entertains us all”

You let out a snort. “more like they tolerate me and question why this weirdo teaches the kids”

“you’re a teacher?” Joel asks, locking his gorgeous brown eyes on you.

“One of my hats I wear here” you laugh. “in addition to be the therapist, running the rec center, working in the clinic. Plus filling in wherever I’m needed.”

“Wow. Quite the resume.” Joel says to you.

You shrug. “stemmed from just trying to keep busy. Except the therapist part. I did that before the outbreak.”

“impressive” Joel replies, eyes not leaving you.

You laugh, “dunno about that. Getting people to talk is harder than getting the lid off a 20 year old jar.”

The group let’s out a chuckle.

You check your watch. “shit, I gotta go help set up. I better see y’all there or you’ll never hear the end of it from me!!” you wink at Joel before turning on your heels to head out “BBBYYYEEEE!”

Joel has a small smile on his face as he watches you head out the door.

“Jesus, Joel. You’re going to melt a hole right through her” Tommy says to Joel with a laugh.

That gets his attention. “dunno what you’re talking about.”

Ellie let’s out a laugh. “ok sure, whatever you say.”

Tommy laughs too.

“what are you laughing about too?” Joel asks.

“oh, nothing, nothing.” Tommy tries to stop his laugh. “just noticed you staring at her in the stables too.”

“I absolutely was not” Joel replies.

“how many times will he do it without even realizing?” Ellie asks. “a million?”

“probably” Tommy laughs.

“Both of you just shut the hell up” Joel says.

“I think you just enjoy torturing me. Fffaaahhhhhcccckkkk” Andrew is twisting and turning your hair in some weird way.

“You’d think you would be used to this by now” you hear from the doorway and see Olivia coming in.

You turn to see your fellow band mates coming in.

“I never will. Give me a ponytail with a ribbon any day, any time. I just let him do this to be nice”

“Psh, you like looking hot.” Andrew chimes in.

“rude! Am I not already hot?!” you feign hurt.

She just laughs at you “you’re something else.”

“something else like amazing, badass, smoking hot, never wrong, kind, right?” you laugh and flash a smile at her.

“mmhhhmm. Ssuurrreee. Whatever you wanna believe.”

Andrew let’s out a snort, “glad you’re feeling yourself today at least. There. Got your head looking hot instead of a hot mess.”

“oohhh, drew you really went all out with her today. What’s the occasion?” the drummer, Bobby, asks.

“Our girl has a new love interest!! I’m using whatever powers I have to manifest this shit to bring em together.” Andrew proudly proclaims.

“What? No! No love interest here! He’s got it in his head that he wants me to get with Tommy’s brother.” You roll your eyes extra dramatically. “despite us not knowing anything about him, I don’t know how I even feel but he’s over here trying to play cupid.” You say.

“Ooohh Tommy’s brother?” Olivia asks. “is that who was giving you those looks in the stables?” a huge grin is creeping on her face.

“YES!! See! It’s not just me thinking this!!” Andrew exclaims.

“I gotta say, I felt a strong vibe too, Y/N” Bobby pipes up.

“All of you are crazy.” You shake your head at them. “Clearly, you’re bored and just making up scenarios to keep y’all entertained.” An exasperated sigh leaves your mouth.

“why are you against it?” Olivia asked.

“it’s not that I’m against it necessarily. There’s just a lot of other stuff that has my focus, he just got here. Or who knows if he would even want that or be interested. Too many factors undetermined. I’m just not looking to get my heart all fucked up cause of feelings or anything.” You blurt all this out in a rush, the words leaving your mouth before you can even register what you’re saying.

Your confession shocks you just as much as it does them.

“Aww, does our therapist need some therapy herself?” Olivia asks, but doesn’t wait for you to answer. “aren’t you the one always telling us and everyone else “don’t wait to be happy, even if it’s just the possibility to be happy. Tomorrow isn’t promised, so go live and take the risks?”

“Do as I say, not as I do?” you cut in with a shrug of your shoulders.

“Woman, you’re always doing everything you can to take care of everyone else. You need to do the same for yourself. Just take a chance. That’s all we’re saying. When was the last time you’ve even had sex?” she asks, eyes fixed on you waiting for your answer.

“Uuhh, like a year or so? Not sure honestly. And that’s because that one dude caught feelings for me and I didn’t feel the same way and I had to let him down. I hated being the one to do it but definitely don’t want it happening to me. Can’t even trust that people will maintain the friends with benefits shit” you groan.

“Maybe what y’all are supposedly seeing is just built up sexual frustration, just wanting a bang buddy. Which, that I’d be down for. But there’s still the risk of feelings developing.” You finish, hoping they’ll finally drop it.

“Oorrr maybe it can start as that and you BOTH develop feelings and y’all have some fairy tale “happily ever after thing” Bobby adds.

“Yyeesssss!” your group yells out.

“since when did you guys get so romantic. It’s sick and disgusting and I think you need medical attention for it.” You say sarcastically.

“OOKK. How bout this?” Andrew says, “if you don’t at least go on one date with him, I’ll never shut up about it.”

“and what if he doesn’t want to do that? Hmm?” You ask.

“just trust me, he will. Now let’s finish getting ya ready.”

The shirt that was picked out feels tight on Joel’s arms but he kept it on. Ellie had made some creative adjustments to her outfit that Andrew had picked for her.

“well, well, well, you clean up nice” Ellie says and laughs.

“Shut up” Joel replies to her.

Joel and Ellie meet Tommy and Maria at their house and walk together to the hall.

“So they do this all the time?” Ellie asks Maria as you all walk.

“Yup, Y/N actually started it.” Maria chuckles at the memory. “One day after a pretty dicey patrol she was worked up pretty good and declared “I need to wiggle this out” and proceeded to just start singing some song, I think it was from a musical. And then just starts dancing around the room and gets other people dancing too. And everyone loved it and it lifted their spirits so she keeps doing it.”.

“so she just started an impromptu party and people just, went along with it?” Ellie asks, shocked.

Maria and tommy both let out a laugh as Maria says “Basically. She’s a powerhouse when she wants to be. Especially if it means putting a smile on other people’s faces. Plus, she’s really fucking talented honestly. Plays a bunch of the instruments and sings but she’s made a little recording studio so she can prerecord the different instruments she needs to play behind her while she sings.”

“Holy shit” Ellie says, “hey Joel, didn’t you say you played guitar? You should – uh- offer her your assistance” she laughs as she raises her eyebrows to him.

Joel just shakes his head and rolls his eyes at her.

The group walks through the doors and ellie let’s out a gasp when she sees.

Everything is decked out with hanging lights, some multicolored lights that make the space flash different colors, the tables and chairs are moved around the stage and there’s space for people to dance.

They go sit at a table near the front, arriving earlier than most. Joel and Ellie get introduced to more people as they filter in.

When the clock hits 7:30 the lights suddenly go out followed by a bunch of colored lights getting brighter. Then a spotlight goes to the stage and lights you up.

Joel can’t help but stare at you. Your hair is curled and is now purple. You’re in a shiny sequined strapless dress. It makes your breasts even more prominent and Joel is thankful he can disguise staring at you as just watching you perform.

Your dress hugs all your curves and hits you just below your ass, leaving barely anything to the imagination. He forces his focus onto the drink in his hand. Anything to try to think of some thing besides what he wants to do you.

You catch Joel’s eye and flash a smile at him.

Fuck, he thinks to himself, I’m utterly screwed.

“Hey hey people!” you call out through the microphone. “how we doing tonight?!”

A loud cheer erupted from the space.

“Whooo! That’s what I like to hear. We got quite a mix for ya tonight! Lots of different requests from you fine people – so let’s get to it!”

The band starts playing and Joel marvels at how you seem to be in your element as you’re on stage. He notices whenever you catch his eye a blush spreads across your cheeks. He can’t deny to himself that he loves it.

You sing a few upbeat songs before mixing it up with some ones that were requested.

During a slower song, you notice Joel is wearing what Andrew picked out for him.

You decide to say fuck it and use this as an opportunity to be flirty with him. You usually act flirty with the crowd anyways, so you hope it doesn’t look too suspicious.

The song changes to a faster beat & you do your thing, dancing and playing to the crowd. To your surprise, ellie actually gets Joel to get up and dance at one point and they’re both laughing having a good time.

Andrew is off to the side of the stage and gives you a look of approval and pride. He knows exactly what you’re doing and is simply elated.

You all perform the final song and declare “alright, that’s it for tonight my loves. Ya don’t gotta go home but you can’t stay here – unless you wanna help clean up” you laugh.

The crowd starts to disperse and Olivia runs to the bathroom with you to help you freshen up and get the sweat off of you.

“ I am SO PROUD of you!! Look at you, you sultry bitch!” she beams.

“Oh my God, you’re ridiculous” you laugh. “How do I smell? I feel like I worked up a sweat tonight.”

“You smell GREAT.” She says “he’s stupid if he doesn’t want to fuck you.”

“not my goal tonight, or any night.” You remind her.

“but if they end up staying?!” she ask, almost begging.

“small maybe” you reply.

“I’ll take it” she smiles.

You both walk out of the bathroom to see a few people helping to clean up, Joel included.

“Hey Joel! Glad ya made it! You saved yourself me giving you shit anytime I see ya” you laugh and he smiles.

“Well, thank goodness for that” he says with his Texas draw & chuckles. “You were incredible, by the way. I mean- every body was.” He glances over at Ellie. “she needed this, something fun.”

You nodded knowingly. “Every person needs it in this fucked up world. Even dudes who pretend not to give a shit about anything except for their brother and her” you throw a wink at him.

You swear he blushes a bit before muttering “yeah, alright.” With a roll of his eyes

You start cleaning up stuff near him and almost trip but he catches you.

“Fuck, his arms are incredible” you think to yourself “down, girl.”

“Thank you, my hero” you plaster on an over the top accent like you’re a damsel from an old western .

Returning to your normal voice you add, “Andrew, that one over there” you point to Andrew talking to Olivia. “he makes me wears these crazy shoes he makes/finds/repairs. Despite me telling him my ankles are too damn old and damaged for em. Always scared I’m going to just launch myself onto the stage and create and involuntary mosh pit or some shit.”

You sit on a chair and try to bend to take the shoes off. “goddamn it fuck, mother fucker.”

“what’s wrong?” Joel asks

“oh” you laugh. “sorry, Andrew just made this dress so fucking tight at my torso so it makes it a challenge to bend and get my shoes off.”

You swung your leg around a different direction to try to get a better angle. “normally I’m a lot more flexible than this when I’m not being suffocated by clothes”

A blush starts spreading on your cheek but that doesn’t stop you from speaking again. “That sounded dirtier than I intended. But oh well, giggity”

Joel sucks in a sharp breath before he let’s out a laugh, thinking how cute you look when you blush.

“Nah, not wrong at all” his eyes graze over your body before landing on your feet. “Here, let me help.”

Suddenly, he kneels in front of you, holding out his hand for you to place your foot into.

You just stare at him for a moment and he raises his eyebrows at you, silently telling you to give him your feet.

You do as he wishes and extend your leg into his hands.

His fingers graze a sensitive part on your calf before reaching your feet. He gently unbuckles one of the straps, then slides his finger along your foot to undo the other one.

He slides the shoe off like a reverse Cinderella. His fingers dance over your skin, sending electric shocks through you.

He gently places one foot down and holds his hand out for the other and you obey his unspoken command.

He seems to linger his fingers even more this time.

Fingers dancing on your ankle, to the buckle, click.

Fingers dancing to your toes, to the buckle, click.

Fingers dancing back up to your ankle, gliding your shoe off, fingers lazily trailing your skin behind it.

He looks up at you with those damned eyes again and a heat swirls through you settling between your legs.

He clears his throat awkwardly as he places your shoes on the floor. “Better?”

You take a breath, not realizing you weren’t breathing that whole time. “Much, thank you.” You flash him a huge smile, hoping and praying he somehow doesn’t see the blush on your face. “Such a gentleman. You’re going to spoil me.”

“What’s wrong with that? Beautiful women should be spoiled.” he asks, voice low. Making your insides swirl again.

God damn it.

You’re trying to think of a reply when you hear a loud bang noise.

You both whip your heads toward the noise and see Ellie trying to look casual as she tries to pick up a chair she dropped.

“Ah, a fellow klutz” you laugh and start to stand up. Joel stands and offers you a hand to help get up. “Thanks.”

It’s now that you notice everyone’s eyes were on the both of you during that whole interaction. They all try to turn now and look busy.

“Geesh.” You let out a small laugh as you look up at the clock. “Fuck, is that really the time? I should get going, gotta work early at the clinic in the morning.”

You see Andrew and Olivia give you a dirty look, knowing you said that to avoid being alone with Joel.

You walk to the other room and grab your coat and boots.

“That was hot, even if it was tame.” You hear Andrew from behind you.

“dunno what you’re talking about.” You act dumb, hoping he buys it.

He doesn’t.

“Don’t you bullshit me woman. We could all feel the sexual tension radiating between the two of you.” He says. You just roll your eyes and sigh. “He’s absolutely into you. I bet he’s a real attentive lover.”

“Stop. Please. I – I’m not sure if I could just fuck him and be done. Not if he’s going to be coming around more. So I’m going to avoid that until I can figure out my brain.”

He knows he can’t argue with that, not wanting you to be hurt. “ugh, fine. So you think you might… like him?”

“Dude I have no idea. Maybe? It’s probably just horniness masking itself for something more. But until I know for sure, it’s safest to avoid doing anything.” You’re eyes start welling up involuntarily and you try to sniff them back.

“Oh honey..” Andrew starts.

“It’s fine” you snap, drying your eyes. “just drop it. I’m probably just hormonal. Plus, you know my policy on romantic relationships, I’m good.” Andrew helps you put on your boots and you grab the rest of your stuff as you walk out.

“Ready frendies?” You smile at Joel and Ellie.

Joel notices your face looks… different. Like you’d been crying maybe, or almost crying. He gives you a quizzical look but you avert his gaze. He looks towards Andrew and raises his eyebrow.

“She’s ok” Andrew mouths to him and Joel gives a slight nod.

You step out into the cold and a rush of cold air went up your dress.

“Fuck me, why didn’t I grab sweatpants for the walk home. Come on people! Double time! This bitch needs heat!” you holler before starting to run.

You reach your house first, Joel and Ellie not far behind.

“Wellp, this is me.” You say awkwardly. “are y’all going to be in town for much longer?”

“We’re actually uh, actually headed out in the morning, headed to the university of Colorado.” Joel says.

“Oh.” You say, trying not to sound too disappointed. “You got family there?”

“I’m the daughter of some big wig firefly people as Joel calls em so we’re going to touch base with them, but then I bet we’ll be back, right Joel?” she nudges him with her arm.

“Right, yeah. Tommy’s the only family I got left. But- yeah, after this excursion we should be making our way back here.”

“Good, I’m glad.” You smile.

“I’m going to go head inside. Goodnight! Good meeting you!” Ellie calls behind her.

“You too! Sweet dreams!” You call after her.

Once she was out of ear shot you say to Joel. “Hey, uh, be careful with the fireflies you’re going to meet. I have a feeling she’s not actually someone’s kid there but I’m not going to pry. Just, some of them may mean well but they’re… “ you pause try to think of the words.

“You know fireflies too?” Joel asks.

“Yeah, ran with them for a bit. Actually met tommy briefly through them. A few years later met again here.”

“Small world.” Joel says. He wonders if the two of you ever fucked. He finds himself getting unjustly jealous at the thought.

“Tell me about it” you chuckle softly. “I don’t mean to overstep. I’m not fishing for information from you about what you’re doing. I just know when I was still with them, after Tommy left I think, the doctors were getting desperate to find a cure or preventative. They were getting more… morally gray. Doing experiments on people, kids even, that had been bit. And they did it before they turned… it’s why I finally left. The doctors were basically med school drop outs, thinking they were going to be the next savior.” You scoff and roll your eyes. “Idiot bastards were just cutting into them, thinking that’ll give them the answers, not using any other methods first.”

Tears start to form again but this time from anger.

“I don’t say any of this to deter you. You don’t seem like a man that CAN be deterred once you set your mind to something.” you chuckle awkwardly again. “I just wouldn’t feel right not telling you, so you have the full picture. Maybe they’ve gotten better, I hope so. But that was like 5 years ago so who knows.”

Joel stills for a minute. The closer they’ve gotten he’s been more worried about how the fireflies would actually be.

“Joel?” you say.

“Sorry. Yeah, I really appreciate you telling me all that. I’ll make sure to keep that in mind.”

You let out a sigh of relief. “Ok, good. I’ll look forward to seeing your faces around here once you’re back then.”

Joel’s face breaks into a smile. “That’s definitely good motivation for me to hurry back.”

You blush again, can feel it through your body. There’s no way Joel doesn’t see it. And it’s then that you realize your cleavage is very prominently displayed and the cold is making your nipples stick out through your dress.

Not tonight, not yet. Shut it down. You think.

You chuckle. “Best come back in one piece, sir.”

“That’s always the goal.” You both let out a laugh.

“Well, I really should head to bed, early morning and all. If I don’t see you before you head out, be safe.”

“Always am sweetheart. Goodnight, sweet dreams.” He says.

“You too” you smile and go on your tiptoes and kiss his cheek before going inside.

#joel miller fanfiction #fanfiction #joel miller fluff #joel miller #hbo tlou #joel miller tlou #tlou smut #tlou fanfic #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel x female reader #joel miller x afab!reader #sunshine #starlight #sunshine & starlight #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fandom #pedro pascal cinematic universe #joel miller series #joel miller drabble #joel miller x female reader #ellie and joel #joel and ellie #joel miller angst #joel miller fanfic

[theleakypen]

Fic Writer Interview Game

Thank you for the tag (almost 2 years ago) @gusu-emilu!

I am tagging literally anybody who sees this and wants to play :D

name: Puck

fandoms: multifandom! although Untamed/MDZS continues to be my main

two-shots: I never understand this question but it looks like it means to rec your own two-chapter fics so here we go: Stories More Beautiful Than Answers (CQL, Mianmian gets to meet Jin Ling post-canon) and Rhûnlanders (I published it as a series of 2 separate fics, but it's basically 1 thing: Songxiao in Middle Earth - Xiao Xingchen is an Elf and Song Zichen is a Man, both from Rhûnland so they're still Asian)

most popular multi-chapter fic: Obviously Yunmeng In-Laws (my and @iamwestiec's CQL modern AU groupchat fic which had bafflingly runaway success) has to be the answer to this. But if we're only going by ones written solely by me, it's But, After All, I Am A Wen (incomplete Wen Qing canon divergence wherein she actually takes and uses the comb Jiang Cheng gave her to commit treason and save her family's lives)

actual worst part of writing: having the fucking brain space to fucking write, fuck. it's been really hard bc i have so many other obligations and they eat my brain so even if i have ideas i can't get them to turn into prose :(

how you choose your titles: in order of likelihood: first, quote from the fic itself; joint second place, something kinda descriptive of the fic or lines from a poem or song

do you outline? not generally. I did outline my multichapter Wen Qing fic bc it's so much more ambitious than anything else i've ever worked on and I occasionally do something resembling in an outline in the doc of my one shots when i know what happens in the sections but don't have the prose yet; it's usually, like, a series of bracketed statements.

ideas you probably won't get around to, but wouldn't it be nice? oh god so many lmao. i have an entire channel in my writing discord that is just these ideas. One idea I have is a Songxiao no eye transfer AU because BSSR doesn't open the mountain back up to XXC and how they have to deal with that. Also I have yet to write any Witcher fic but I've been playing Witcher 3 and I really wanna write a Vesemir POV fic that's 5+1 "5 times Geralt sent some random-ass stranger to Kaer Morhen and 1 time he came home" inspired by all the times in Witcher 3 when you can help someone and then be like "Oh yeah you'd be welcome at Kaer Morhen"

spicy tangential opinion: not that spicy but i wish more people would comment, especially on the smaller/less popular fics. i see your kudos! it makes me happy! but i'd love to know your thoughts if you have any!

callouts @ me: none of my self-callouts are writing-related, it's all just - clean your room, go the fuck to sleep, you're not a teenager any more and your body hurts less when you do basic life maintenance tasks. (honestly i'd probably also write better/more if i did basic life maintenance tasks so it counts lol)

best writing traits: Westie once said I'm good at making soft things hurt and I hold that compliment close to my heart <3

#tumblr tag games #writer problems #puck writes #kinda

[negative-speedforce]

edgy ask for Hailey, Cassandra, Jay, and E-2002 Eobard 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 16, 18, 19, 23, 24

4: When scared, does your OC fight, flee, freeze or fawn?

Hailey freezes. It's a bad reflex, and she's trying to get rid of it, but she goes full-on deer in headlights when she's truly terrified.

Cassandra flees. While she has trained herself not to run away on an impulse, inside, everything is screaming at her to run.

Jay fights. While one might expect him to do one of the other reactions, due to his soft-spoken nature, Jay fights like a caged animal when afraid.

Eobard fights. While he knows the good of a strategic retreat, and employs that tactic often, he will lash out if truly afraid, and probably murder everyone.

6: How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

For Hailey, it's hard. Her moral compass is the strongest part of her, so it would probably mean that someone she truly cared about would die otherwise.

Cassandra goes against her moral compass quite often. She does what needs to be done, regardless of what her heart tells her. That's in the job description of being a secret agent.

Jay follows his heart, no matter what. If something needs to be done that isn't in line with what he believes in, he'll find another way. No compromises.

Moral compass? For Eobard? What moral compass?

7: What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

Hailey is transfem. In the OG version, Hailey was a cis woman.

Jay is more mature. Originally, he was kinda this dorky idiot.

Cassandra is a more prominent character. Originally, she was just "Jay's Girlfriend".

Eobard is gay. I mean, he definitely should have been all along (I mean look at that guy and his homoerotic pining)

8: Would your OC ostensibly be able to get away with murder?

Hailey could. But would she do the murder in the first place? Probably not.

Jay couldn't. He'd turn himself in, sobbing and apologizing profusely, the second he realized what he had done.

Cassandra 100% could. However, she has not killed outside of her duty on missions and such.

Eobard can, and has in the past. After all, no one's been charged for the murder of Regina Rivera yet.

9: Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

Hailey:

Taste the devilish mouth On this love that I've found And I bet you wanna ask me all about it Well, I cut off the line Wasn't true, but I tried One more glass of red wine 'cause it tastes like you -the blue room interlude; Xana

Cassandra:

Yeah, don't even try Can't fuck up my vibe Double cuppin' in the ride Motherfucker, don't play with me -Don't Play; Halsey

Jay

Why so serious? So raise your glass if you are wrong In all the right ways, all my underdogs We will never be, never be anything but loud And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks Won't you come on and come on and Raise your glass? -Raise Your Glass; P!nk

Eobard:

You better hold on, hold on, hold on You better hold on to what you love You better give up, give up, give up You better give up on giving up Is it deliver-iver-iverance If you can never, never change? Is it deliver-iver-iverance If you hurt me in exchange? -Deliverance; Chvrches

16: What is your OC's pain tolerance like?

Hailey's pain tolerance is... pretty bad, which especially sucks because she's already dead which means that she doesn't take damage from injuries. However, significant enough pain can completely immobilize her.

Cassandra's pain tolerance is fairly good, but it really helps that she can just heal herself using dark magic.

Jay has the best pain tolerance of the OCs, considering that he's still able to function at a high-stress job even with the constant pain from the nerve damage he sustained.

Eobard's pain tolerance is very good. I mean, his rapid healing also probably helps, but even then, he can shake off hits that most humans shouldn't be able to.

18: Is your OC more cold and detached or up close and personal?

Hailey's somewhere in the middle. She's cold to people she doesn't know or care about, but around those she loves, she's a big cinnamon roll.

Cassandra's very cold, detatched, and formal. Years of CIA training will do that to a person. However, occasionally you'll find her and Jay calling each other increasingly ridiculous pet names just to tease each other.

Jay's the most up close and personal dude ever. He's very much an empath, and he genuinely cares about other people. (is he also the most mentally stable of the team? yes)

Eobard couldn't be genuinely nice if someone had a blade to his throat. He's the meanest, coldest mothafucka on the face of E-2002.

19: How does your OC behave when enraged?

Cassandra is terrifying when she's angry. She gets that "cold" stoic anger that makes almost anyone feel like they're going to pee their pants.

Depends on who made him mad. Jay will probably go and take a moment to calm down if it was a friend or just some jerk, but if it's a threat, Jay will shoot first, ask questions later.

Eobard just starts murdering people. If he's only mildly angry, however, he gets the same terrifying stoic anger as Cassandra.

23: What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

Cassandra has trouble expressing pride in others. While her team knows that she's proud of them, she has a lot of trouble expressing it.

For Jay, he has trouble expressing his boundaries. Jay's a big-time people pleaser, so it's hard for him to tell people 'no'.

Eobard literally can't process or express love. I mean, I'm pretty sure some part of him loves Siv, and he definitely has something for Barry, but he sucks at showing it.

24: What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

If Hailey had never joined the military, she would have never gotten blown up and died, and she would probably have never moved from the UK, meaning that she'd probably have never met any of her friends, or Siv.

If Jay had gone into IT rather than joining the CIA, he would have never been injured, and have never met Cassandra.

If Eobard wasn't such a shit father, maybe hiring a sniper or something to kill GIna instead of doing it himself, then Siv would have probably joined him, and probably would still be trying to kill him, but mostly because she wants to be more powerful than him rather than any grudge.

#ask revan #oc shit #Vexic :D

[galaxae]

hi adrian :3 🔎📄and 🤬 for the ask game mwah ily

mwahhh ly2 thankyou for the ask for real

(my lovely mutual green is referencing this post here)

🔍Give a clue (a picture, emoji, a word, etc) and let your followers guess what a WIP is about.

hmm which wip to do... ok no i got it i'm gonna do a quote. the quote is not actually in the story but it's a shorthand thematic description i use

"never give nukes to a teenager"

🤬Is there a WIP that you hate?

i don't really *hate* any of my creations. they're all very special to me! that said, honestly, the one i like the least right now is my short story "one good day" about a lesbian supervillain, her backstory, and her "redemption" if you want to call it that. i havent touched that story in a while because i wrote it when i was in a very dark place (last october-ish?) and my writing class' reaction to it was mixed, which makes sense obviously it's a first draft, but i was still hurt bc i was in a sensitive spot emotionally. my professor really liked my revisions of it for the end of the semester, but still. i'll return to it when i've healed more from my parents' bullshit, maybe. that story very much explores a toxic, complicated parent-child relationship in depth and idk how much i can handle that right now!

📝Share a snippet of an unposted WIP, with or without context.

oh naur not this one....... i suppose i will tho. putting this one last so i can do a readmore. enjoy

There’s a name that haunts me. Azalea.

I heard it once, years ago, while my dad was talking about a family friend. That name has lingered like a ghost behind me ever since. Sometimes, it tugs on my shoulders, or says something in my ear that I can’t make out, or clings to my back like a desperate child. I’ll be in the middle of something — a meeting at work, a drawing, my boss calling me into his office — something important, something I need to give my full attention — and I struggle, already, with paying attention to things — and Azalea makes it worse. Azalea, Azalea, Azalea.

The same name as a genus of flowers, or the common name for that genus, at least, because Rhododendron is more likely to make your eyes glaze over when you read it. That one wouldn’t make a great human name. They’re pretty, used widely in decorations for people’s lawns, so much so that it’s hard to find info about how they actually originated and evolved, or what purpose they serve in the natural environment, separate from humans. And insects thrive in their presence. But they are toxic, highly toxic for humans. Even for frogs, too. Dangerous, angry, and deadly, but still so beloved by everyone, somehow.

I don’t even remember anything about the family friend my dad mentioned. He hasn’t brought her up in years. But Azalea, not the person, but the name, she is still there. Pulling at my hair from behind, shaking me awake from a drunk stupor, poking and prodding me. I wanted her to go away at first. I don’t know why she’s there or what she wants from me. But she’s around, either way. She has been for years, maybe a decade or longer. I’ve grown accustomed to it.

The last thing I remember is this. A white blur in front of my windshield. A steering wheel in my hand, shifting of its own accord, its cold fake leather running through my palms. A skid. A voice, possibly mine, saying, “Oh god!” A loud crack. Then, silence. Silence, save for Azalea’s frantic whispers.

And now I'm here.

This is some imitation of the bedroom of my childhood. The one I stay in now, too, of course — I'm not going to deny that I moved back in with my dad. But this one looks like it did when I was young: a mattress that could soak me up like a towel on a spill if I wanted it to. A stripe of frog and swamp wallpaper across the wall opposite me, surrounded by those animal fun fact posters, with a few comic posters scattered through those. A tall dresser in the corner, the old one my dad grabbed from a yard sale, that looks like it survived an apocalypse or something.

I sit up. I try to sit up. My hands feel like static. When they push me up, everything blurs.

I really miss that frog wallpaper.

My sight evens out pretty quickly. Looking at the posters again, now that my eyes are more on their level, they look torn. Some corners are missing. The words on them are made of symbols I don't recognize, maybe another language, maybe Samoan. I know that’s the language of half of my blood. Does Samoan use different symbols than English? I don't actually know. I kind of wish I did.

The posters switch places with each other. They cover and uncover the frogs. There are more of the posters and then less of them. My head hurts all of a sudden.

My nightstand, down and to my left, could be a saving grace, something that doesn't hurt to look at. That plain, dark wood, with the alarm clock on it that didn't work (my dad always had to wake me up himself, even when I was a teenager). Usually it was covered in pencils, sticky notes full of my sketches, empty wrappers, dirty plates, the original nightstand mostly obscured. When I look this time, the only thing atop it is a piece of paper. I reach for it.

Dear Carter Gaumond,

We regret to inform you that as of Monday, October 28, you will no longer be employed wi

The paper dissolves in my hands. Crumbling to dust. That poor stranger. This guy got fired.

Oh, no. Hold on. That guy is me. That's my name.

I'd almost forgotten.

That was four months ago, I think, this letter in the mail. And now I'm here, wherever I am. Feeling like I'm about to throw up.

--

i'd love to give context if anyone wants it but that right there is a revision of my novel's first draft that i wrote in 2020, unsure if or when i will publish it but yknow, it's there

#adrian posts #ocs tag

[shinyrockalaska]

Hogwarts Mystery characters as quotes from Will Grayson, Will Grayson

The quotes are either a description or something they would say/think

MC: “I wish i were someone else, even though i know i'll never, ever be able to get away from what i've done and what's been done to me.”

Rowan: “We grow up. Planets like them get new moons. Moons like me get new planets.”

Ben: “Maybe there's something you're afraid to say, or someone you're afraid to love, or somewhere you're afraid to go. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt because it matters.”

Penny: “I get it now. I get it. The things you hope for the most are the things that destroy you in the end.”

Bill: “This is why we call people exes, I guess - because the paths that cross in the middle end up separating at the end. it's too easy to see an X as a cross-out. it's not, because there's no way to cross out something like that. the X is a diagram of two paths.”

Tonks: “You know there's no such thing as a complete lie. There's always some truth in there.”

Tulip: “Random questions are the least random of all questions.”

Barnaby: “I'm so proud of you that it makes me proud of me. I hope you know that.”

Andre: “This blue shirt i have is practically the same color as my jeans, and looking all-blue is something only cookie monster can pull off.”

Charlie: “I think the idea of a 'mental health day' is something completely invented by people who have no clue what it's like to have bad mental health. the idea that your mind can be aired out in twenty-four hours is kind of like saying heart disease can be cured if you eat the right breakfast cereal.”

Liz: “I just want the pleasure of noticing these things at a safe distance...”

Jae: “Great news for someone is always bad news for someone else”

Badeea: “I just think if you don't say the honest thing, sometimes the honest thing never becomes true.”

Diego: “You like someone who can't like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way that once-requited love cannot.”

Merula: “I do not say 'good-bye.' I believe that's one of the bullshittiest words ever invented. it's not like you're given the choice to say 'bad-bye' or 'awful-bye' or 'couldn't-care-less-about-you-bye.' every time you leave, it's supposed to be a good one. well, I don't believe in that. I believe against that.”

Ismelda: “I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me.”

Talbott: “You’d think that silence would be peaceful. but really, it’s painful.”

Chiara: “Some people have lives; some people have music.”

Beatrice: “If my whole world is crashing down around me, then I am going to make the sound of the crashing. I want to scream until all my bones break.”

Jacob: “That's what the voices in your head are for, to get you through the silent parts.”

Skye: “Anything that happens all at once is just as likely to unhappen all at once, you know?”

Murphy: “It seems to me that all the things we keep in sealed boxes are both alive and dead until we open the box, that the unobserved is both there and not.”

Orion: “Love is the most common miracle.”

Face paint kid: “Whatever you're worried about, you're bigger than the worries.”

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #incorrect hogwarts mystery quoets #incorrect hogwarts mystery book quotes #incorrect hphm quotes #jacob's sibling #rowan khanna #ben copper #penny haywood #bill weasley #nymphadora tonks #tulip karasu #barnaby lee #charlie weasly #andre egwu #liz tuttle #jae kim #diego caplan #badeea ali #merula snyde #ismelda murk #chiara lobosca #talbott winger #beatrice haywood #jacob hphm #orion amari #skye parkin #murphy mcnully #face paint kid #will grayson will grayson

[fixfoxnox]

What are some good writing tips to give? Your book has me quaking I wanna be as good lmao

First off, thank you so much! I appreciate the love 💙💙💙

So I'm just gonna drop some general things that I've kinda learned over the years have helped me. A couple of notes first:

I've been writing for close to ten years at this point and believe me when I say it has been a very slow learning process. My writing even a year ago wasn't as good as I consider it to be now, and I'm still very much learning/not an expert.

That all being said, here are a few things:

Choose your POV and stick by it. I cannot stress this enough. If you're constantly changing between 3rd omniscient, 3rd limited, switching between different characters,etc. Things can get very muddled very quickly. Any changes in POV should be very deliberate.

To give an example: In SiTO I stick with 3rd limited. Roach has tended to be my focus, so most of the story is over his shoulder. When I break this, its done to either add emphasis to something, or increase a feeling of chaos in the story. So, for example, in some of the newer chapters that will be coming out, you'll notice me switching between characters much more

Read your work out loud, especially dialogue. This helps you a ton with editing as you can typically hear when something sounds off. With dialog especially, if you find yourself reading it and going "this doesn't sound like something someone would say" you probably want to go back and change it

Description is important, try to show your audience what is going on and explain feelings to them rather than simply tell them. So for me, I draw from a lot of my own experiences when describing emotions. Saying "He felt anxious" doesn't have nearly as much of an impact as explaining that he felt "tendrils of anxiety creep up his throat"

I'm still telling you the emotion, but I'm helping you understand how that emotion actually feels

With regular description, its a bit harder for me to explain because I know the way that I do description isn't universal. For me, I'm able to put a scene together in my head and watch it play out.

The best way I can explain is to tell you to think of it like a director who is blocking a play. There is a lot more to a scene than just characters walking around. If you can create that scene in your head, it becomes easier to transcribe on paper.

Do not be afraid to act things out!!! Put yourself in your characters shoes. Stand up and talk to yourself if you need to. It will help you understand the small things a character might do!

I know it can be tempting to turn on a TV or have something going in the background while you write, but a lot of times those things act more as distractions than help.

If you're like me and sometimes need the extra stimulation though, I recommend putting together a Playlist for whatever you're writing and listen to it as you write! So for SiTO, all of the songs that I use for chapter titles or quotes at the beginning are actually in a Playlist that I listen to while writing

Listen to your writers block!!! If you're blocked, it may mean that something in your story isn't working or is stopping you from progressing the story. Take the time to go back and reread what you've written. If something feels off, consider trying to rewrite it. (Ik this can suck sometimes because concepts can be so good, but sometimes they just don't fit)

When I'm writing chapters, I find that it helps me to not necessarily plan out the chapter in detail, but rather have certain points lined up that I want to hit.

So typically I have three points that I choose for a chapter: something that happens at the beginning, something that happens in the middle, and something that happens at the end.

So for the current chapter I'm writing (trying to stay as spoiler free as possible here lol) I knew I wanted the beginning to feature a conversation between Roach and a Doctor. I knew I wanted a middle section with Roach having a flashback. And I knew I wanted the end to feature Price and Laswell.

With these things picked out, I can write my chapter while keeping in mind where I'm going and what I need to work toward. So If I'm starting with this conversation with Roach and a doctor, I need to figure out how this will eventually connect into that middle section and how it will transition into the end. It generally helps me keep things more cohesive

Use Metaphors/Similes sparingly!!! I know it can be tempting to shove those things everywhere. It makes things sound so much nicer! But, eventually those things can get so crowded that it almost becomes a drag to read. When you cram so many in at once, they become watered down and the text becomes super dense.

One last note, if you use something like Grammarly to edit, make sure that you are checking over every suggestion that they give you. Sometimes those machines make mistakes or will try to water down something in your writing because it isn't "professional" enough or isn't necessarily "correct."

#thoughts with luke #you asked luke

[sword-dad-fukuzawa]

hi! :] for the weird questions for writers: 1, 10, 32, 40

Sparrow!! hi!! Ty for the ask, this'll be long XD

Weird Asks

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

Alegreya, 12 pt, single spaced! Sometimes, when I feel spicy, 11 pt 1.15 spaced. I've written in this font since middle school so now it's just My Writing Font and I find it easiest to write in. I've been forever ruined for other fonts.

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

YES. SO MUCH WRITING HAUNTS ME. MY OWN WRITING HAUNTS ME CONSTANTLY.

When it comes to the writing of others haunting me, that means that it just quietly lives in the back of my head and appears occasionally. A lot of oneliner quotes from books I haven't even read haunt me, and sometimes they sit in the foyer of my brain, demanding to be written about. Some books have quite literally changed the course of my life; Osamu Dazai's No Longer Human comes to mind. I am perpetually haunted by themes and narratives and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My own writing haunts me in a different way. It's more that I'll look at some of my old concepts and ask myself why my current concepts seem so lackluster, why I remember being genuinely excited for most of my old ones but can't bring that same enthusiasm for my current works. I know for a fact that I'm a better writer now--I've reread my old work and winced at some of the dialogue, the pacing, the fight choreo and scene descriptions--but concepts that grab me by the throat these days are few and far between. It's my BSD fic era that haunts me the most.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

Here, I'll give you two.

The opening lines of Mary Oliver's "Wild Geese" saved my life. I found it off of tumblr :)

Without getting too personal, it was a revolutionary idea for me that I didn't have to spend my life desperately trying to reach some unattainable ideal of a "good person." Not a "good partner" or a "good friend" or a "good child" or a "good writer." I could just exist and try to be kind.

The other line that haunts me is Asagiri Kafka's writing process, because it's influenced how I simplify my characterizations. I don't remember the exact line, but in the wake of Mori's stage actor's passing, he talked about how he explores characterization and keeps it consistent: he bases a character on three "vectors," or personality traits, and sticks to them. Here's the TL I read, and here's the lines that haunt me in particular.

Ahhhh, Asagiri-sensei. Never change.

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

HA okay this is my favorite poem that's about writing. It's extremely weird and I love it a lot. It's "Purity," by Billy Colllins.

My favourite time to write is in the late afternoon, weekdays, particularly Wednesdays. This is how I go about it: I take a fresh pot of tea into my study and close the door. Then I remove my clothes and leave them in a pile as if I had melted to death and my legacy consisted of only a white shirt, a pair of pants and a pot of cold tea.

Then I remove my flesh and hang it over a chair. I slide it off my bones like a silken garment. I do this so that what I write will be pure, completely rinsed of the carnal, uncontaminated by the preoccupations of the body.

Finally I remove each of my organs and arrange them on a small table near the window. I do not want to hear their ancient rhythms when I am trying to tap out my own drumbeat.

Now I sit down at the desk, ready to begin. I am entirely pure: nothing but a skeleton at a typewriter.

I should mention that sometimes I leave my penis on. I find it difficult to ignore the temptation. Then I am a skeleton with a penis at a typewriter.

In this condition I write extraordinary love poems, mostly of them exploiting the connection between sex and death.

I am concentration itself: I exist in a universe where there is nothing but sex, death, and typewriting.

After a spell of this I remove my penis too. Then I am all skull and bones typing into the afternoon. Just the absolute essentials, no flounces. Now I write only about death, most classical of themes, in language light as the air between my ribs.

Afterward, I reward myself by going for a drive at sunset. I replace my organs and slip back into my flesh and clothes. Then I back the car out of the garage and speed through woods on winding country roads, passing stone walls, farmhouses, and frozen ponds, all perfectly arranged like words in a famous sonnet.

#ty again! #weird asks

[binkachu]

"Hope” is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul

And sings the tune without the words

And never stops at all

-Emily Dickinson

I found this poem of Emily's from John Green's short mention of it in a tiktok on hope; here's the link to it:

https://www.tiktok.com/@literallyjohngreen/video/7158882703633288491

It made my brain do some thinking. Then I wrote the first draft to this post, struggled to find the words to describe whatever I was feeling, and went to sleep. It's now two days later and I barely remember what my initial thoughts were and what triggered me to write. What I do remember is how it made me feel. Seen.

Hope is the song of a bird in a tree that stands there undisturbed by any wind. The tree stands. The bird sings. Nothing changes really. The seasons may go by, but you'll eventually hear the birds again. And even if you don't hear the birds for a long time they're still singing.

It's the fact that the sun is always rising or setting in the middle of the horizon somewhere in the world that fuels this hope. The song goes on because somewhere a child hears a bird sing the last bit of it and starts humming it while playing. The melody runs on because the child learns to play piano and eventually plays what he remembers of it.

Nothing is really ever lost because the variation of entropy in a thermodynamic cycle is always null. This machine that we call life may not have the best coefficient of efficiency but at least it doesn't waste hope.

The hope that we "lose" goes somewhere else without us knowing. Maybe the couch we put out on the street after we moved out of our ex-boyfriend's house was found by a couple who just moved in together. Or by a lady with a cat that scratched her old couch to bits.

Those bits and pieces of fabric we see as waste. The summer mornings we hear the song of the birds we see as temporary. When really they are the biggest constant in these lives of ours.

Little things like these make me emotional. They make me finally put my phone down after scrolling for hours. I'm transported back to when I was the one with no hope at all. And no belief in the concept of hope either. Hope had always been singing in the past.

Here is where I would overshare about all the examples of traumatic times in my life and the one speck of hope during those times that I can only find now when looking back through my memories. But I won't do that in writing. Instead here's a more recent thought of mine.

All the people that I will get to love in my life that I don't know yet are out there singing with the bird right now. What does it mean?

The title of my most recent spotify playlist is "roll out of your bed while sleeping and call it falling in love". That is precisely what I feel like I have been doing this entire time. Half of my life probably. The expression of "falling" in love sums it up fairly decently. I have been falling into things and friendships and situationships and relationships and even more friendships and I will continue to do so. Half of it isn't and won't ever be under my control. Most affinities aren't intentional or as predictable as we'd like. I have been learning and accepting that's how things are and I'm adapting pretty well if I may say so myself.

Yet I can't shake the annoyance of not knowing. Having no clue where my next friend will pop out of, or where my soulmate is hiding. I admit it, I want to know so bad I feel like I'm already falling, just in an endless tunnel instead of somebody's arms.

The next quote I read somewhere that ended up in my spotify playlist's description reads "You carry so much love in your heart. Give some to yourself." I really feel the burden of that love right now. I'm a gnome with a sack bigger than himself carrying all this love over what seems to be a mountain (I'm too short to tell) and huffing and puffing all the way up. Trust me, I've been giving enough to myself and I'm always learning how to balance self-love and self-improvement.

The problem right now is waiting. Continuing to wait to hear this song of love, for the sparks, for the kinetic energy. No potential stuff anymore please, thank you God. I'd like to think that waiting makes the heart grow fonder, but like John Green said about hope, that's bullshit.

The love of my life is somewhere singing right now. Are they singing the song of hope? If not, maybe the birds are. If they aren't or if my soulmate isn't that good at singing, maybe the song of love is still playing somewhere in the background. Like when you leave the music playing on your phone but the volume is down so you don't realize It's been playing for hours untill you turn the volume up.

I hope I eventually realize, after rolling out of my bed while sleeping, where it was that I was falling.

[pretty-toastie]

The Affairs of Passing Gods: What was the wall to the Mauerhasen?

Mauerhasen (noun): From the German "Mauer", meaning "wall", and "Hase", meaning rabbit; the thousands of wild rabbits that lived in the Death Zone of the Berlin Wall.

Once, there were rabbits. In the heart of Berlin, in Potsdamer Platz, there were fields, there was grass—and so there were rabbits. They ate. They ran. It was, for a rabbit, a good life. And then there was a wall.

In the beginning, the wall was clearly a blessing. The rabbits were in the middle of the wall, and their predators were not. There was still grass, and now there was also shelter. What else are anti-tank defenses to a rabbit? Here, the hawks cannot catch them. What else is a security fence? Here, the dogs cannot enter. What do rabbits know of the violence of borders? What do they know of the wars of men? What do they know of the affairs of passing gods? There was simply a wall.

But one becomes many, and so there were more and more rabbits. People, from East and West Berlin both, and from the wider world, came to the wall to see the rabbits. And the rabbits dug. They expanded their warrens. They made tunnels. They went under the wall, and the wall had no foundations. In the beginning, the guards were not allowed to shoot the rabbits—their bullets were for people. But when the rabbits became a problem for the wall?

What do rabbits know of gunfire? They simply heard the loudest sound they had ever heard, and then there was nothing. What do rabbits know of biocides? The grass simply wilted, and then they couldn't breathe. There was nothing here for them now but fear—the wall had brought them to the attention of the gods, and the gods wanted death for them.

In 1981, the wall fell. There were still rabbits, but only the most cunning and the most fearful—and now there was no place for them. There was no longer a wall, there was no longer grass, and they were in the heart of Berlin. Cars were faster, bigger, louder than before the wall. Roads were deadlier. Always, there were people, coming and going. Always, there was noise, loud and unfamiliar. Always, the air was choked with smog. But the world has been dangerous for rabbits since time immemorial, and now, as then, they would survive anyway.

a couple notes:

this is based on the documentary Mauerhase: here are links to the German version (parts one, two, three, and four), and a link to the Polish version. there should be Spanish and English translations somewhere (i think prime video has them?) under the name Rabbit à la Berlin. i cannot recommend it highly enough. go watch it. whatever the emotional impact i tried for here, i guarantee it is nothing compared to the experience of the last half of the documentary.

the writing here is not as polished as my writing usually is; this is because i wanted to maintain fidelity with the German version as much as possible, and my German is still a work in progress. i've been learning it for 6 years, and i've been learning English for 19. hopefully it doesn't detract too much—i did my best :]

since this is translated, there's some cute (and not cute) words and phrases in the original German i didn't get to include, so i wanna list a couple here:

the German word for rabbit (other than "Hase") is "Kaninchen", which is just adorable

"anti-tank defenses" could probably be translated a couple ways—the original word was Panzersperren

re: above, "security fence" was Sicherheitzaun

the specific word i used for "attention" was "Augenmark"—a truly incredible word that i think literally translates to eye-mark, which. the imagery. the eye-mark of the gods.

and one final note: my description of the biocide used by the DDR from a rabbits perspective was "the grass simply wilted, and then they couldn't breathe". this is based on the assumption that the specific biocide used was glyphosate (roundup). glyphosate wasn't banned in Germany until this year, and to quote the RSPCA, "Poisoned rabbits often become lethargic and weak, and may lose their appetite. Some develop obvious abdominal pain and breathing difficulties. Rabbits with these signs may die, even with treatment." these symptoms match what was depicted in part 3 of the documentary, but glyphosate seems not to have entered the market until 1974, so. no guarantees on the accuracy of the symptoms if that's super important to you for some reason ^-^"

#writing #writers on tumblr #writeblr #studying #studyblr #german #academia #light academia #essay #rabbit #rabbits #berlin wall #documentary #Mauerhase #Rabbit a la Berlin #Krolik po Berlinsku #oh and also #ban glyphosate #istg if any of my mutuals see this and tell me to go to sleep #...nuh uh >:(

[andromedaexists]

Mercy || Ian Haramaki

★★★★☆

TW: EXPLICIT SEX, SUICIDAL IDEATION, ABUSE, ALCOHOLISM, HOMOPHOBIA, PHYSICAL ASSAULT, CATHOLICISM (DEPICTION OF)

Oh God, where do I start with this book. Firstly, I received an ARC of this book in return for a fair review! Thank you Ian, I'm still crying over it <3

There are a lot of thoughts pinging around in my brain about this book. I guess I'll start with the reason why it received 4 stars and not 5 stars, considering just how much I loved it:

It was simultaneously too slow at the start and also way too fast. I had an issue in the first 25% of the book where I felt as if the plot was going nowhere because it felt like the entire plot of the book was complete by then. I think this may have just been a me issue, as I went into this book expecting it to be something more akin to the horror and dark fantasy I've been reading recently.

But it's not. This is Romantasy. It is cozy romance with horror elements.

On this end, the book does a fantastic job with it's characters! Though I had a hard time getting behind the rapid mood swings of Danya and Ilya at the beginning of the story, by the end I was absolutely enamored by both of them!

I mean, Ian handed me a buff redheaded angel with anger issues and expected me not to cry over him? It's as if Danya was made specifically for my tastes!!!

And Ilya, poor Ilya. My baby boy, he deserves to be wrapped up in a blanket so he can watch as Danya burns the world to the ground for him...

There is a lot to love in here! Especially towards the middle and end! There was one point where I looked down at the progress I had made in the book (Chapter 11 *wink* *wink*) and realized that after that cute ass tender and intimate scene, I was only 36% of the way through the book. The amount of fear and terror that wound through my very soul at that realization...

And it was warranted. I mean, we start out the story with intense body horror and horror elements, but then they go away until ~80% of the way through the book. Heed this as a warning, there is a HEA (Happily Ever After), but it is earned.

And I wouldn't have it any other way! I cannot wait to get my hands on the stunning physical edition!! I think everyone should keep their eyes out for this book, you will love it if you are a fan of things being Wrong:tm: in the church and big dumb puppy men (well, I guess he's actually a bird... but you know what I mean)!

Oh! Before I forget! Here are some quotes that I just adore:

To call it a body was perhaps beyond the point of useful description. (The most BANGER OPENING LINE AAA)

"And what's with the boob window?"

"If you come anywhere near me while I'm cooking I'm going to gut you and add you to the dish."

"Whose balls are you touching that are as cold as a blizzard?"

Quoth Danya, 'What the fuck.'

I could spend the rest of my life devoted to him and it wouldn't be enough time.

Okay, one last thing if y'all will let me rant about just random out of context things:

THE BOOB WINDOW????? amazing top tier

The fucking SASS on that motherfucker

THE CONFESSIONAL SCENE??? Two books in a row man, got me thinking things I shouldn't be thinking now that I've make peace with my Catholic upbringing

The literal praise and want to never think about his Mother

Okay. That's all. I swear. Please read this book you'll love it

#andi reads #book reviews #booklr #bookblr #lgbt books #queer books #queer book directory #mercy #ian haramaki