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dalliancekay · 1 month

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Aziraphale does NOT need to suffer MORE

Can't believe I have to say this. TW: grief, mourning, death (sorry) I have, since falling into the fandom 6 months ago to escape real life, seen many takes on how Aziraphale needs to suffer in S3 to match Crowley's suffering. Mainly as the counterpart to the moment Crowley thinks he lost Aziraphale as he's looking for him desperately in the burning bookshop.

Then drinks, we suppose, to dull his pain, waiting for the Armageddon. Also, the way Crowley suffers at the bandstand argument, the 'I Forgive You' moments, which many people find utterly devastating and incredibly heartless from Aziraphale. Not to mention when he doesn't react in the 'right way' to Crowley's confession in the Final 15. And then on top of that, 'abandons' Crowley. Oh and also for, and I quote: "The smug and entitled way Aziraphale went around in S2 assuming Crowley would love and follow him everywhere." And for all this pain that Crowley endured for him, Aziraphale should suffer in S3, to I assume, even out the scores. Some people want to see him lose it, show his emotions, to cry or beg or otherwise show how much he misses Crowley and how very sorry he is for what he's done.

Now for the TW grief content I motioned above. You can skip to the next sentence in bold.

WE ALL SUFFER DIFFERENTLY I was on holiday late September last year, visiting my mum, stepfather and my two younger brothers. We went to a cousin's wedding. It was great. The day after, as I was hanging out reading a book my mum got a call. The kind of call every mother fears. My youngest brother (he was 27) died in an accident. We needed to speak to police and the coroner. She cried and cried. She's still crying. She asks questions. She gets no answers. I did not cry. I talked to the police. I googled a funeral home. I bought my brother his last set of clothes. He lived in a hoodie and torn black jeans. Mum wanted a suit. But he died in the one he bought for the wedding. I texted a lot of people. I bought snacks for the many friends who came to the funeral and wanted to speak to us after. My grief feels like a vice. I am not sad. I do not appear sad. Contrary to what people expect. But I am ANGRY. I am furious. But nobody can see this. I am not fine and I wish no one would ever* ask how I was again. TW/Personal content over. Since I was small (because I am weird like that) I genuinely wondered if, finding myself in danger, I could scream like people in films do. I don't think I could. I cope with hard situations, fear and stress and anxiety by shutting down, sometimes by retreating too, by furiously trying to find a way out. And I think Aziraphale does the same. And that's why I love him so much. And why I feel get him and understand that people sometimes can't tell how much he's actually feeling. I also express love the way Aziraphale does - by organising things for people I love, inviting them places, making plans. When Crowley said you call me for three things (and it's basically any old reason) I felt SO SEEN. This is what I would do with a friend who I know is feeling unmoored, sad, stuck. I'd text them with any old thing. I'd never actually say I love you, how can I help though, I would try to get them to talk, meet me, go somewhere. Aziraphale does not express emotions the same way as Crowley.

But his emotions are valid nonetheless. He is worried for Crowley from around 3 minutes into their acquaintanceship. And he NEVER stops worrying.

And are we quite sure he has never lost Crowley?

How many times did Aziraphale's heart freeze in horror when he realised Hell has taken Crowley and he had no idea if he'll ever come back and what is happening to him?

Why else would he be so worried about working on the Arrangement? Was he worried just for himself? Do we really think that?

Crowley thinks he lost Aziraphale, yes, we saw that, but do they ever talk about what happened to the angel then? Do we?

That he got blown into atoms which I bet wasn't pleasant and when he arrives in Heaven he limps? Why is he hurt? Why is he quickly pretending he isn't? Why is he always hiding how he feels? Also, he immediately deserts, wants no part in the Holy War and quickly finds an extremely unconventional way to get back. It's not a grand gesture, there's no pomp around it, he thinks this and then does it. No hesitation.

Is this coming from an angel who just can't leave Heaven behind and longs to be a part of it? Who loves to follow rules? And let's not forget in those moments Aziraphale thought Crowley was gone. That he very likely left for Alpha Centauri. Last he heard from him he was told he was talking to an old friend and had no time for him. Why we NEVER talk about how that might have felt for Aziraphale?

Things are not as simple as Aziraphale has been supressing his emotions and lying to himself about how he feels and he should get over it and become free. That's not how this works. His trauma and his personality are deeply intertwined and he'd never be the kind of person who is open in showing their grief or stress. He will learn to be more open, with his love especially, we see him reaching for and touching his demon in S2. Openly being with him, looking at him without guarding himself. That's HUGE. He's trying. So. Just because Aziraphale is not crying and screaming and I dunno, tearing his hair out or whatever some people would have him do, does not mean he isn't overflowing with pain, fear, uncertainty, doubts, worries, and so much anxiety that if he let it all out, half of the solar system would turn to ashes.

Aziraphale does not need to suffer in S3 to level out Crowley's suffering. They are, unfortunately, equal in their pain as they are in love. If there is one thing Crowley would never abide, it'd be this take from the fandom. * A note on grief (obviously from my personal experience) As initiated by @anthony-crowleys-left-nut in a comment

It's not that I mind to know people care and worry etc, but asking how I am can only end in me lying (fine, thank you) and both of us knowing it's not really true and feeling awkward or not lying (I feel like shit, mostly cos I can't sleep and think the world is a stupid unfair place) and both of us feeling awkward anyway. Does that make sense? I wish I could tell friends/colleagues to ask what I've been up to or something similar instead. What I've been reading (um, AO3, but I'll make something up), watching, do I want to go see some spring flowers bloom (I do).

#aziraphale #good omens #crowley #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #neil gaiman #ineffable divorce #aziraphale my beloved #good omens thoughts #aziraphale defense squad #suffering in silence #grief #tw grief #dealing with grief #loss #tw death #kaypost

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reasonsforhope · 9 months

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No-paywall version.

"You can never really see the future, only imagine it, then try to make sense of the new world when it arrives.

Just a few years ago, climate projections for this century looked quite apocalyptic, with most scientists warning that continuing “business as usual” would bring the world four or even five degrees Celsius of warming — a change disruptive enough to call forth not only predictions of food crises and heat stress, state conflict and economic strife, but, from some corners, warnings of civilizational collapse and even a sort of human endgame. (Perhaps you’ve had nightmares about each of these and seen premonitions of them in your newsfeed.)

Now, with the world already 1.2 degrees hotter, scientists believe that warming this century will most likely fall between two or three degrees. (A United Nations report released this week ahead of the COP27 climate conference in Sharm el Sheikh, Egypt, confirmed that range.) A little lower is possible, with much more concerted action; a little higher, too, with slower action and bad climate luck. Those numbers may sound abstract, but what they suggest is this: Thanks to astonishing declines in the price of renewables, a truly global political mobilization, a clearer picture of the energy future and serious policy focus from world leaders,

we have cut expected warming almost in half in just five years.

...Conventional wisdom has dictated that meeting the most ambitious goals of the Paris agreement by limiting warming to 1.5 degrees could allow for some continuing normal, but failing to take rapid action on emissions, and allowing warming above three or even four degrees, spelled doom.

Neither of those futures looks all that likely now, with the most terrifying predictions made improbable by decarbonization and the most hopeful ones practically foreclosed by tragic delay. The window of possible climate futures is narrowing, and as a result, we are getting a clearer sense of what’s to come: a new world, full of disruption but also billions of people, well past climate normal and yet mercifully short of true climate apocalypse.

Over the last several months, I’ve had dozens of conversations — with climate scientists and economists and policymakers, advocates and activists and novelists and philosophers — about that new world and the ways we might conceptualize it. Perhaps the most capacious and galvanizing account is one I heard from Kate Marvel of NASA, a lead chapter author on the fifth National Climate Assessment: “The world will be what we make it.” Personally, I find myself returning to three sets of guideposts, which help map the landscape of possibility.

First, worst-case temperature scenarios that recently seemed plausible now look much less so, which is inarguably good news and, in a time of climate panic and despair, a truly underappreciated sign of genuine and world-shaping progress...

[I cut number two for being focused on negatives. This is a reasons for hope blog.]

Third, humanity retains an enormous amount of control — over just how hot it will get and how much we will do to protect one another through those assaults and disruptions. Acknowledging that truly apocalyptic warming now looks considerably less likely than it did just a few years ago pulls the future out of the realm of myth and returns it to the plane of history: contested, combative, combining suffering and flourishing — though not in equal measure for every group...

“We live in a terrible world, and we live in a wonderful world,” Marvel says. “It’s a terrible world that’s more than a degree Celsius warmer. But also a wonderful world in which we have so many ways to generate electricity that are cheaper and more cost-effective and easier to deploy than I would’ve ever imagined. People are writing credible papers in scientific journals making the case that switching rapidly to renewable energy isn’t a net cost; it will be a net financial benefit,” she says with a head-shake of near-disbelief. “If you had told me five years ago that that would be the case, I would’ve thought, wow, that’s a miracle.”"

-via The New York Times Magazine, October 26, 2022

#climate change #global warming #renewable energy #climate anxiety #climate crisis #humanity #green energy #green future #apocalypse #natural disasters #good news #hope #research #hope posting

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peaky-shelby · 1 year

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Say My Name Three Times | Kylian Mbappè

Pairing: kylian x reader

Series: Take Me On The Field

Request: Heyy, can I have a Kylian Mbappe request maybe they’re at a game of his and she goes to surprise him, she’s his girlfriend and an actress they haven’t seen each other in a month

Writer's note: this is the first story of the take me on the Field series. send in requests for our favorite players. You can check my prompt lists here.

When I reached Qatar I was praying to everything holy for no one would recognize me. So far I had done a great job at convincing Kylian that I wasn’t going to make it to the final because of reshoots for the new project. The thing I loved most about him was that he didn’t even get mad about it. We were the exception of the rule that footballers dating actresses never ended happily. We both understood each other’s busy schedules, even when it wasn’t in our favor.

Of course the fact that he didn’t get mad didn’t mean that he didn’t complain. He wanted me there as much as I wanted to be there and it was eating us both alive. When I got the ok two days ago to leave the movie set I decided to surprise him, instead of telling and giving him a boost of confidence from the sidelines.

The hat covered most of my facial futures, along with my eye vision which was the reason I bumped into about 20 guys wearing Messi’s shirt. But thankfully my mask hid the rest of my face, as did my black as night sunglasses. To mix with the crowd I was wearing one of Kylian’s jersey’s and an old pair of sweatpants. Nothing about me was screaming celebrity, which was exactly the way I liked it.

The only one helping me with everything and knew I was coming was Giroud. He had spoken to the drivers, so one of them would be waiting for me. On the way to the French base, I stared out of my window, at the people, dressed and blue and white or in dark blue carrying the french flag over their heads. I smiled, truth was, kylian or not, football had been a part of me since I was a kid, the view made me emotional. When we reached the French base, the team had already left for the stadium. One of Giroud’s assistant was waiting for me on the foyer.

“Bonjour Mademoiselle!” he exclaimed when he saw me. He dealt with the security and helped me find my way to kylian’s room. All the way to his room, he’d mumble about how happy he was the Giroud has trusted him with this mission. I laughed at his excitement and thanked him a bunch for his help. When we got inside it instantly felt like home as Kylian’s perfume filled all my senses and I almost snuck in the bathroom expecting to find him by the mirror, shaving. I left my stuff next to the bed, as I raised my head I noticed he had a picture of us by his nightstand. I must have stood there looking at it for a long time because Giroud’s assistant, patted me on the shoudler “We have to go Mademoiselle!”

I nodded quickly, picked just my scarf with the French’s team’s logo, my phone and my jacket and ran outside with him. Everything else happened too quickly, the drive to the stadium, sneaking in with Giroud’s passes and all the way to the dressing rooms my phone was buzzing with Mbappe’s picture. I stopped just right outside the dressing room, smiling at myself. Giroud’s assistant looked at me confused as I answered the call.

“Babe! Où étais-tu ?” he asked, stressed, before I even had time to say anything.

“Je suis désolé! I got caught up at work! Has the came started?”

“Non!” I could hear the nerves in his voice. “Two minutes before we go out! I need your good luck!” While he was speaking I peaked through the door of the dressing room, all the boys were there sitting on their benches. Talking, laughing, putting on their uniforms. Mbappe on the other hand wasn’t there at all.

“You have all my good luck! You know that!”

“HEY! KYLIAN! JE DOIS ALLER AUX TOILETTES, MEC ! SORTEZ !” I heard somebody yelling through the phone.

“FUCK OFF ! Je parle avec ma copine!” he said shot back, my heart sinking when he called his girl. It sounded beautiful in any language he’d say it. I finally walked in the dressing room, everybody started exclaiming until I shushed them with my finger “You shouldn’t be talking to your teammates like the kyky!” I walked behind the benches, high fiving giroud as I passed him and got to the hall that led to the toilet. Tchouameni was knocking on the bathroom door. I guessed Kylian must have been inside.

“They shouldn’t be interrupting me when I’m talking to you.”

I patted Tchouameni on the shoulder. He jumped and covered his mouth when he saw me, he was as shocked as I hoped Kylian would be. I tilted my head to signal him to away for a moment and I got closer to the door. I could swear my heart was tied with Kylian’s because the closer I would get the more I felt it beat, like it wanted to jump out of my chest and right into his hands. I leaned on the door.

“If they gotta pee, the gotta pee Kyky!”

“Can I face time you?”

I smiled “I don’t have time. I have to go meet somebody.”

I heard him sigh and curse. I imagined him covering the microphone because I only heard it through the door, the he said on the microphone. “I really wish you were here, mon cheri!”

“Say my name three times, I might appear out of nowhere.”

He did it without thinking, he’d believe in anything if it could get me to be where he was. I laughed and knocked on the door.

“Putain de merde ! Laisse-moi tranquille Tchouameni!” He yelled, making me laugh again! So I knocked, with my palm, loud, like I was his teammate in need of the toilet. “PUTAIN!” He yelled and I heard him stand up, my heart reaching the speed of an airplane about to lift off. I heard him unlock, my breath becoming so stiff I thought I would choke right then and there and then-

“Merde Ts-“ he stopped. His eyes starring blankly at me, his voice eaten, his body frozen. I thought he was on facetime and the connection had fallen as it usually did and he was gonna stay like that for the next hour. I was scared to even touch him, as if he would reload and disappear completely. Then he spoke, relief filled my lungs, he was real. “Merde..” he said, this time softer, this time like a prayer. He didn’t even waste any time to put his phone back on his pocket, he just let it slip off his hand and wrapped his arms around me, lighting me up. I tied my legs around his waste, hiding my face in the crook of his neck, taking In his perfume and his skin. A drug I had long missed. He spoke curses and muffled words in my hair, until I pulled my head back, just so I could look in his eyes. I smiled widely and kissed him, the way I’ve waited for a month. He walked until I was against the wall, still kissing me and holding me like I was part of him. It felt easy, it felt as it should be.

We pulled back to breath and I leaned my forehead against his, our eyes saying a thousand words as we stared into each other’s souls. He was smiling like a dork, I think I was too.

“Hi.” I whispered and he laughed. Still unable to believe this was real. He shook his head.

“You came.” He whispered, his one hand reach my cheek, stroking it. I leaned to his touch.

“You said my name three times” I whispered back, getting another laugh from him. Then his expression got serious, his eyes fell on me with lust burning out of them.

“I’d say your name every second of every day non stop if I have to.” He answered and leaned in to kiss me again, this time deeper. We were interrupted by someone flushing the toilet. We hadn’t even realized his teammate had walked passed us while we were reuniting. When he came out he gave us a teasing look. Kylian kicked him in the ass, cursing him and then we looked at each other, laughing. It was as it should be.

#football #football requests #mbappe #mbappe x reader #mbappé #kylian mbappe #football imagine #mbappe imagines #neymar x reader #neymar

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kittyit · 1 year

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This is a long and loaded ask so feel free to delete but it's completely earnest

I've been a radfem for about 3-4 years now (radfemhagen but I got termed) and honestly I still struggle w genuine dysphoria. All the reading, critical thinking, talking w detrans women is definitely eye opening and helped me but it hasn't healed me of my ~gender feels~ if you know what I mean. I remember trying to get tips from other blogs but all I remember was something about doing physical labor with other women or just being around other women but that isn't helping either, I'm so disgusted by my female body and how I'm seen (especially by men and especially as a lesbian) and it's just getting worse. I've been thinking about going on a low dose of T even but I know there's other options to coping, like there HAS to be SOMETHING. I can't just will it out anymore.

Help a gyn out

this and it's probably better saved for an essay but i felt moved to respond to you straight up. i'm going to explain three really important parts of my journey to a place where i almost never experience the intense and life-disrupting distress around my sex (diagnosed as dysphoria) except in times of extreme stress, and even then it's fleeting.

one essential thing i did was stop thinking of transition as an option for myself. this is something i see a lot of detrans/desisted women struggle with. i think this is a mental trap. "if i don't feel better in x amount of time or when i do x, i'll transition" removes the urgency and necessary nature of working through the distress around your sex. i've written in a few pieces about when my girlfriend max asked me to not do it 3 days before my first t shot, it genuinely felt like the last light in a dark harbor going out. i felt utterly hopeless. i felt like my last solution had been taken from me and i would never feel better.

i came to my decision to never pursue transitional medicine first through listening from my girlfriend and other detrans women. to take seriously the pain & trauma detrans women go through. to listen when they said this did not help me, this was not help, it did not fix these feelings of distress. to listen to detrans women is to understand that transitional medicine is an unethical practice being done by unethical practitioners. it's also to understand that this solution is not what it's presented as. taking these women's experiences and analysis seriously meant ruling it out as a coping mechanism for myself, ever. but there are so many reasons to make the decision not to participate in transition medicine - political & practical. not giving money to surgeons who traffic in literal female flesh. not wanting to risk all of the under-studied, ignored negative long-term health effects. not wanting to signal to the women around you that there is no way to survive as a woman like you without transitional medicine. defiance of new patriarchal expectations for women like you. defiance of the pressures that tell you that this is the thing that will make you feel better - like makeup, like labiaplasty, like breast implants, like an elective double mastectomy. defiance in general.

so the first thing was to stop thinking of transitioning as an option. i said no. the second thing was to stop thinking of my distress as dysphoria. to un-diagnose myself with this word that means i need to take T and get a mastectomy and undergo phalloplasty to have a chance of ever being happy. you mention disgust for your body, you mention disgust for how you're seen by men and as a lesbian. disgust for yourself on these points is anger at patriarchy, lesbian-hating society & men turned inward on yourself instead of the people who deserve it. it's an impulse of someone dealing with oppression to blame one's self for it and think there are things we can do to escape it. it's no different than a woman trapped in domestic violence obsessing over what she could have done differently to not set him off this time - the right dinner, place setting, clothing & tone. the idea that woman- and lesbian-hating can be escaped as easily as transitional medicine claims it can is simply not true. the experiece of a woman who passes as a man is another exerperience of womanhood, still under the bell jar of misogyny.

what helped me with these feelings of distress was pinpointing exactly where they came from and what they meant. i know this isn't helpful for everyone. but it's almost like going deeper and deeper on the feeling make it more and more clear what needed to be addressed. here's one spiral to the center: i want to chop off my tits → why? → i hate my breasts → why? → they feel ugly and disgusting → why? → i got them so young, they're so large and people stare → why does that bother you? → i feel so ugly and out of place → why does that bother you? → i feel so alone and worthless → how do you feel? → i feel lonely → what do you need? → i need connection.

"i want to chop off my tits" is not a coherent feeling - every human alive has complex reasons for the things they say, think and do. if you can get to the bottom of where these sensations and feelings and disturbances diangosed as dysphoria are coming from, you can figure out how to address them. what is the feeling at the bottom, what is going unaddressed? and quite honestly a lot of the time it's not an easy answer. sometimes the answers are super hard to grapple with. sometimes the need cannot be fulfilled or are very difficult to fulfill. but once you've decided that transition is not on the table, the quest to find those answers becomes a lot more essential.

this isn't something anyone is really meant to do alone. when i hear you say you hate being seen as a lesbian and how men treat you, i hear an inherent isolation in that. i could be wrong, i know a lot of people can still feel lonely when they have a strong support system, but i would say the majority of women do not have the kind of friend group and number of connections they need to be socially supported. so another big part of this is breaking out of isolation and being around other women who "get it" - whether virutally or in real life. humans are a pack animal and this is an isolating age.

so that's my three parter to your question

1. say no to transitional medicine

2. undiagnose yourself with dysphoria and instead figure out why you're feeling what you're feeling

3. seek out friendship, community, and ways of thought that can help you address those feelings

#also I have a dysphoria tag with lots of other Women’s thoughts!!#dysphoria #detrans #d/r #detransition

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electronicdelusionstarlight · 9 months

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You know, I was just thinking about the UA entrance exam.

Specifically, how terribly designed it is, but not for the reason they seem to give in the story itself.

Like, here's how it is: Aizawa is shown criticising the UA Entrance Exam once, during the Sports Festival. And the ONE criticism he makes, is that the use of Robot enemies during the exam would disproportionately affect people whose Quirk work against biological opponents, essentially.

His one criticism, is that the exam is not designed to also cater to people like him, and that's it. The way therefore it's set up, it'd be logical to assume he'd ask for a restructuring to the exam to remove the Robots and substitute them with live enemies, possibly Ectoplasm clones.

This is never brought up again, aside from maybe a stealth bring up during the mid term exams when they switch the exam from fighting robots to fighting teachers.

The exam is, and I just got to it myself while watching this video about how Copaganda paints police training and the relative risk police officers face on the job, set up in a very specific environment:

An empty town, where what is essentially a murder spree is taking place. The ONLY entities in the place, outside of fellow examinee, are robots that have been literally designed to attack everyone on sight, and that need to be destroyed to pass. The points granted from saving people are hidden, so they can be more "genuine" of course, and are, ultimately, also part of the problem.

Because here's the fucking thing.

When the fuck is that ever going to happen.

When the fuck, is a superhero, after their 5 years of Hero training in high school, then entering the work force without a need for a decree in higher education, ever going to find themselves in an environment where they can use LETHAL FORCE on civilian targets? With no restraint or care for collateral damage?

And where they are ENCOURAGED to kill as many criminals as they can, and NOT collaborate with other heroes? Because that's another thing, you need to steal points from other people to pass, by culling the number of limited robots, much like heroes are paid by the arrest and by popularity.

You do understand how fucked up that starts to sound right? The other, the enemy, is reduced as a caricature Droid from star wars, there only to kill and destroy, and against whom your only TWO methods of defeat are outright destruction or sneak attacks on their off buttons.

And here's the cherry on the shit too, because, AGAIN, when is that EVER going to be the case?

Do you know how many heroes show up in the first villain attack in BNHA?

Five.

Two are engaging a purse snatcher, three are doing crowd control, the Slime Villain, who may I remind you was guilty of robbery at a convenience store before he got the hostage, gets THE NUMBER ONE HERO, as well as those same FIVE heroes involved, of which only BACKDRAFT is actually doing anything.

Now, imagine you are a hero school, and you produce 40 heroes a year, just like every other hero school out there. How many of those heroes will see active duty, if the rate of crimes demand FIVE heroes to react to ONE criminal?

And people will say "but EDS, this mentality is later rewarded when All Might retires and it all falls to shit," Except NOT REALLY, because that's an externally forced situation caused by, and I can't stress this enough, a hundreds of yeas old NEET boomer who read too many Doctor Doom comics as a kid and decided to become a supervillain, the riots, the open air warfare, is only caused by AFO forcing the hand and inciting popular unrest, which is an unrealistic thing to expect off any society.

In one of the movies, Class 1-A is sent to open an hero agency on a small island with barely a village on it. 20 Heroes. Until the movie truly picks up, the best they do is help kittens from trees, and Bakugou, the sort of person for whom the Entrance Exam was designed, is useless, left in his tent like Achilles, the perfect cowboy cop who peeked in highschool and didn't realize just how much paperwork and dead time his dream job actually entailed.

So that's the ACTUAL Issue with the entrance exam. It take no account for any other mean to beat the robots but brute force, it takes no account for collateral damage, or the sanctity of life of your opponents, and it tests nothing but how good at ending lives you are.

Which is a problem when you're picking future heroes.

#mha critical #ua critical #bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #UA Entrance Exam #bnha critical

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morallyinept · 7 months

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It's the end of another week, so you know what that means, right?

Self-Care with Dieter and Jett!

Hang on, wait-wait a minute. Frankie?? What are you doing here, where's Dieter?

Ah. Don't tell me; he's in rehab again. Yes? Well good for him. So you're here to what? I see. You're filling in for him this week. My, what a chivalrous man you are. And so handsome too.

Stop blushing. You know you're hot.

Well, I suppose we'd better get on with it, hadn't we?

It's the end of another week, so you know what that means, right?

Feel Good Friday with Dieter Frankie and Jett!

Happy Frankie Friday, everyone! 💚

So, it's Friday. You made it through another week. You're doing amazing! Look at you go! Now's the time to kick back, relax and enjoy that Friday feeling, eh Frankie?

That's the spirit. Wait, how many of those have you had?

As we enter the weekend, what are you doing to recharge your batteries? And, if you happen to be working because you don't get weekends off, that's okay. You can always save this for your day(s) off. When it comes to feeling good, there are no set days. No set routine. No rules.

Frankie, do you have some ideas to share about what you do to feel good?

Come on, don't be shy...

Great! Let's hear them, bud.

Get out & go for a walk.

Getting out in nature is a great way to unwind and destress from a hard week of labour, both physical and mental. Surround yourself in the beauty of nature. Visit your local beauty spot; this could be a lake, a park, the beach. Go for a hike in the woods.

Sweat it out stalking through the Colombian jungle…

Either way, get out and inhale that fresh air deep into your lungs. Be brave and travel somewhere you've never been to before, especially if you have the means to. You might just find something wonderful.

☝🏻And can I just plant the seed for some solo travel? You don't need to go far, especially if you're anxious about being on your own, but it's definitely something I recommend, and often do myself. The feeling of being self-reliant and discovering somewhere new by yourself, is incredible.

Catch up with friends.

Grab a beer (or several) with your buddies at the bar. Have a movie night together. Cook a meal for your chums; homemade tacos anyone? Have a go at making some fun, themed cocktails at home. Go dancing. Grab a speedboat and traverse the choppy waters after a high speed beach chase...

When you surround yourself with the people you love most and who have your back, you always feel good. And you can always count on them to make sure you make it down the Andes mountains in one piece.

Unless your name is Tom... Then, you know, you won't. 😬

Engage in a hobby you love - or try a new one.

Woah! Is that a… oh right, sorry. You were in the forces. Silly me.

My, that's a pretty big gun you're packing there, Frankie. Mind if I, uh, hold it…? Wow, it's so big. So heavy. So... hard. Damn.

Can I watch you, uh, shoot it?

No? Ooookay, moving on. (I'm missing Dieter already. Sheesh. 🙄)

Your time off is a great time to indulge in your hobbies. Practise your craft. Or try a new one out. You might find a new passion in something you least expected. And that's always so fun.

Helicopter lessons anyone?

Uh, Frankie? Is it always supposed to shake like this? Oh shit, I'm gonna puke! 🤢

Laugh. Yes, even snort laughing counts.

Laughter releases feel good endorphins, and after a hard week, sometimes it's hard to find a reason to giggle, right? But did you know that laughter is actually really good for your health?

No? Well Frankie, take a look at this, my good man:

Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.

Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease and illness.

Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.

Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.

Laughter burns calories. Okay, so it's no replacement for going to the gym, but one study has found that laughing for 10 to 15 minutes a day can burn approximately 40 calories - which could be enough to lose three or four pounds over the course of a year.

Laughter lightens anger's heavy load. Nothing diffuses anger and conflict faster than a shared laugh. Looking at the funny side can put problems into perspective and enable you to move on from confrontations without holding onto bitterness or resentment.

Laughter may even help you to live longer. A study in Norway found that people with a strong sense of humour outlived those who don't laugh as much.

So, find something to laugh about today. Just like Frankie here.

Hug it out.

When people hug for 20 seconds or more, the feel-good hormone oxytocin is released which creates a stronger bond and connection between the huggers. Oxytocin has been shown to boost the immune system and reduce stress.

Aww… Frankie. That's so cute of you.

Oof, you're kinda squeezing me a little tight there. No, I didn't say stop! Ooh, you smell good. Mmm…

Hug it out with your besties. Your significant other. Your family. Your pet. Even yourself.

Yes! Hug yourself. A self-hug is a beautiful way to show yourself some compassion and kindness. As you wrap your arms around yourself, you send a powerful message of love and support to your inner self. Feel that zen!

Phew! Are you all hugged out now Frankie? No? Okay. We can do it some more… We'll just stay like this for a bit. Nice.

What's that pressing into my thigh? Oh. Oh.

So, there we have it, lovelies. Frankie's Feel Good Friday. I hope Frankie and I were able to put a smile on your face and make you feel good today. Friday's are all about feeling good, but no matter the day of the week, I hope nothing but good vibes surround you.

☝🏻Don't worry, Dieter isn't going anywhere. He'll be back next time - as soon as his sixteenth stint in rehab is over... 😐

Hold strong, D. We love you.

YOU. ARE. STRONGER. THAN. YOU. THINK. 💚🖤

Do you. Then do Dieter. Frankie.

🖤

More Dieter & Jett here

GIFS of Frankie used by @palioom @bruhlpng @perotovar Also found via Google/Pinterest. If I've used one of yours & not credited you, it's because they've been saved to my phone & I've forgotten since who created it. Let me know so I can add the appropriate credit. 🖤

#self care with dieter & jett #frankie morales #self care with frankie & jett #frankie friday #feel good friday with frankie #francisco catfish morales #francisco morales #frankie catfish morales #triple frontier #dieter bravo #dieter bravo the bubble #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #jett's pedro boys #jett has spoken

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ggsyoons · 9 months

Text

Make it Colorful | C.Seungcheol (sfw)

”A fat white rabbit cake, really…?” “It wasn’t from me! It was just a cake from the staff…” As Soonyoung said, even after telling him that, Seungcheol still sulked.

♡ summary;

my lil spin on cheol's bday live last year where you're staff and also his gf and he's sulky about his cake.

・❥・word count: 1.5k

choi-ddoppi strikes again! ᥩིྀ ⋅ ˔ ⋅ ) in honor of seungcheol's (aka the sexist man alive) 28th bday <3

request here!

☆⠀ ੭ ﾟ

“It’s time for your birthday live, Cheol.” You said, peaking around the corner, carrying a phone and tripod.

Seungcheol was just sitting there on his phone, wearing an oversized windbreaker with grey sweatpants.

He looked up, “Damn, already?”

”Yep, so get ready,” You said. “Did you get hair and makeup done?”

”I did, but…” Seungcheol grabbed your hand as you passed by, stopping you. “Can you check again?”

“What?” You chuckled. “Check your makeup?”

Seungcheol was looking up at you, grabbing your arm as he nodded with a goofy smile.

Though the schedule was tight, you couldn’t say no to that stupid smile of his.

All you even did when Seungcheol asked to “check his makeup” was look at his face up close as his eyes were shut.

Seungcheol giggled whenever you touched his face with your gentle fingers, often interfering via grabbing them.

”Your makeup looks great.” You said, sighing before walking away to set things up.

”I can do that myself.” He said, beginning to stand.

”I’m a staff member for a reason, Cheol - it back down.”

Seungcheol sat.

You had set up the whole tripod, phone, light thing so much it was practically muscle memory to you.

Even when you had done it a million times before and Seungcheol had also seen it a million times before, he would always hug you from the back and whisper his upmost gratitude.

”Looks great as always, Y/N, so reliable.” Seungcheol said, his arms around your waist.

”I’ve done this a countless number of times, Cheol, must you do this every time?”

”Do you not like it?”

You paused, “No…”

Seungcheol didn’t say anything, he just smirked and buried his face into your nape.

That part was always sensitive, so you yelped. Seungcheol began kissing it, you manage to squirm away from him.

”Cheol!” You scold. “The live! It’s scheduled in like, two minutes.”

He just stood there with a careless expression, shrugging.

You rolled your eyes as Seungcheol sat down on the couch, in front of the phone and the lights. He began fixing his hair, moving things around, and just making sure everything was perfect before the live.

Honestly, lives were one of the most stressful things about this job.

Unlike videos, lives couldn’t be edited, everything that was said and done was said and done forever.

Nothing ever went wrong thus far, you’d done this for years and with every member and everything always went smoothly, but you still always dreaded it.

Ah, right, I almost forgot.

You push these thoughts to the side and run out the room for a moment as Seungcheol calls out for you.

When you returned, you were holding a white box, Seungcheol immediately knew what it was and jumped up.

”Y/N, is this for me?” He asked, taking it from you with a wide smile.

”Yeah, it is,” You said, though it was obvious. “But—“

Seungcheol unboxed it, revealing the cake sealed inside.

It was a fat white rabbit holding a diamond with cherry candles on top, quite plain, but it was just a cake for the live.

You could tell it wasn’t what Seungcheol expected as he held it with a slightly confused, almost disappointed expression.

”What is this supposed to be?”

”A fat rabbit.”

”A rabbit is this fat…?”

”Yes, but—“

An unexpected guest suddenly came in, “Coups! Happy birthday! Did the live start yet?” Soonyoung said. “Hey, Y/N!”

”Hi, Soonyoung,” You waved, he waved back. “And no, it’s about to start, though.”

Other staff had come in to get things ready, lighting up the candles and setting up the live itself.

You found a seat behind the phone, on an armchair as Soonyoung stood beside you, arms crossed.

“What do you and Coups have planned after this?” Soonyoung asked, nudging you.

”Nothing you need to know.” You teased.

Soonyoung pouted, “C’mon…”

”Just hanging out.”

”Alright, then…”

As Seungcheol was getting the final touches done, he looked down at the cake, then up at you.

Is he upset about the cake? Oh, don’t tell me he’s sulky…

But he was, you could clearly see it in the way he frowned, pressing his lips together as he glared at you.

It was a pain when Choi Seungcheol became sulky, - which was very often - but it was undeniably adorable and you looked down to smile.

Soonyoung tapped you on the shoulder, “Uh, is Coups upset about something?”

You lift your head, suppressing a smile as Seungcheol still glared at you.

”The cake, it seems like he doesn’t like it and he thinks I’m the one who prepared it.”

Soonyoung craned his neck to see the cake, once he did, he nodded.

”Yeah, looks like a cake he’d not like.”

”It’s not what I prepared, though. It’s just for the live! I wanted to tell him, but—“

”— He got dragged away?”

”Yeah.”

Soonyoung laughed, “Well, guess you’ll have to deal with that for, like,” He checked his phone. “Thirty minutes or so.”

“Not even the longest he’s gone being sulky.”

“That’s true. Though, I feel like even if you did tell him, he’d still sulk.”

You sighed, ”Probably.”

The live went as well as it could in the first few minutes.

Soonyoung went and (loudly) sang happy birthday, gave a small cameo on live, then scurried away as he gave you a knowing look.

Now that it was just Seungcheol, he sat there and looked at the rapidly moving chat.

”Oh, the cake?” He said, his eyes moving to you for a moment as he began to frown again. “They said it’s a fat rabbit.”

Again, sulky Seungcheol was a pain, but…

Damn, he’s so cute. You covered your mouth as you stared back.

Seungcheol knew you were covering a smile, his expression let up for a moment, but went right back to being sulky.

”It’s a rabbit, but it’s this fat?” He laughed dryly. “This is upsetting.”

You tried to mouth an “I’m sorry”, however, he didn’t want to see it.

As the live went on, he asked for the slippers Jeonghan had gifted him. You went to go fetch them.

They were Gucci, you almost felt bad for even touching them.

Seungcheol stood to receive them from you, only his torso down were seen on camera, so as he took them, he mouthed “I’m upset” as he held your hands in place for a few seconds.

The final time the cake was brought up, it was towards the end after a few of the members (very loudly) belted happy birthday from the hallway.

”Ah, you want to see the cake?”

As soon as you heard that, you nearly groaned, Out of all comments to read…

He lifted the poor little cake, frowning, “But why isn’t mine colorful? Colorful,” He looked up at you, chuckling dryly again. “I feel like it could have been more colorful.”

Seungcheol sighed dramatically, “Gosh.”

“Colorful…” He murmured, now glaring at the camera.

What kind of heroic deed will I have to do to make him stop sulking from this?

“Cheollie…” You whined, hugging him from the back as he just sat there, crossing his arms.

”A fat white rabbit cake, really…?”

“It wasn’t from me! It was just a cake from the staff…”

As Soonyoung said, even after telling him that, Seungcheol still sulked.

“I don’t even like vanilla cake.”

”Well, they didn’t know that,” You pressed your cheek against his back, your arms still wrapped around his waist.

“Could’ve told them…”

”You’re being unfair, Cheol!”

Seungcheol didn’t say anything to that, he just kept crossing his arms.

“Fine, it’s fine, a fat little colorless rabbit cake is fine.” He began to say, flipping around so that now his back was against the couch

You were left sitting there beside Seungcheol, his lips sticking out into a pout.

This classic routine he does, You leaned against his shoulder. “It really isn’t that bad, Cheollie…”

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s fine, it’s just fine.”

”Cheol—“

”No, no, I’m fine with it.”

The pout got bigger with each word.

Choi-ddoppi will be the death of me.

The two of you sat there silence, Seungcheol crossing his arms with an admittedly cute frown and not looking at you.

You sighed and pulled his sleeve, “Cheollie… look at me.”

Even when he was “mad”, Seungcheol couldn’t refuse a request like this.

He turned his head as you got onto his lap, arms wrapped around his neck now.

”After this, I have a celebration prepared just for us… so don’t get hung up over that cake, m’kay?” You said before kissing him on the cheek.

Seungcheol considered it with exaggerated expressions, looking around in all directions as he thought about this.

Then, you pecked him on the lips and his sulky face melted into a smile.

Seungcheol kissed you back, knocking you onto your back as you made out.

”Plus, I was the first person to wish you a happy birthday today, so you can’t be upset with me! I did it right at midnight.”

”Yeah, yeah,” Seungcheol laughed, kissing you again. “Wait, but I think Jeonghan did it first—“

You playfully punched his chest, “Hey.” You warned.

”Joking.” He said mischievously.

“Coups! Coups!” Soonyoung burst in, so used to your and his antics that he wasn’t even surprised by the sight. “Time to bounce.”

Seungcheol hung his head, giving you one final kiss before getting up.

Soonyoung left, but not without saying, “Happy to see you made up.”

”I’ll be home soon, get that surprised prepared for me. I’ll be looking forward to it all day.”

“Anything for you.”

Seungcheol smiled, he was halfway out the door, but he couldn’t stop himself from going back to kiss you again, scooping you up into his big arms.

”Cheol… don’t leave your fans waiting.” You rolled your eyes, breaking away.

”I know…” He looked like an abandoned puppy with those big, sparkly eyes. “Okay, bye for real.”

”Mhm, we’ll see each other soon.”

Seungcheol left very slowly, his eyes on you the whole way out.

You were about to go back to the couch and chill for a bit before leaving when Seungcheol stuck his head back into the room.

“Oh, and I didn’t really care about the cake.”

I knew it.

#seventeen #seventeen fanfic #s.coups x reader #s.coups #choi seungcheol #seungcheol x reader #seungcheol fluff #s.coups fluff

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acefiree · 2 months

Text

𝗯𝗮𝘆! 𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗵𝗮𝗲𝗹 | bedtime argument

Raphael ✷ Grayson ( dating ) MASTERLIST

ᕦ(๏益๏)ᕥ: when stupid argument turn into a cuddle session with the hotheaded ninja.

WARNINGS: ocs, first pov, cuddling, slight tension, harsh words.

NOTE: this can be read as a reader insert, so enjoy ❤️

IT WAS A PETTY argument, one that I couldn’t even remember how or why it started. But it was still an argument, and it left me fuming with my boyfriend. My very hotheaded, burly, boyfriend – who right now, was lying on his side of the bed, eyes sharp as the Sai he wields as he stared down at me.

"Why are ya' actin' like a brat?" The fuck? His words came off gruff, and the tone he used caused my blood to boil. Did he really just call me a brat?

"Brat? Seriously?" I snipped, the angle I was in giving me a perfect view of his face. I squinted my eyes up at him. I know this was childish, but the petty side of me was strong. So I did the most logical and expected thing any girlfriend would do when pissed off at their boyfriend. I grabbed a handful of my thick duvet, jerking it up my body until it reached under my chin, “I’ll show you a frackin’ brat!”

This time, instead of egging him on to get a rise out of him, I swiftly rolled over and faced away, curling under the blanket to hide myself from his glare. I could feel the bed shift from behind me, dibbing deep from the weight of the burly turtle. There was a gruff huff, and I knew Raphael was even more annoyed now.

I felt the bed shift again, and I could only assume he was rolling onto the back of his shell, given the fact the matress jostled with his movements, as if he were having a little trouble getting comfortable. After that, a deafing silence filled my room and the only sounds was of us breathing. I'm sure a whole hour passed, and by then, I had calmed to the point I started to feel bad.

All I wanted to do now is roll over, curl into his arms, and pepper kisses on his face until he showed me that breath taking smirk I loved so much. But the stubborn side of me wouldn't allow that. Raphael couldn't think what he said earlier was okay. Sure, calling me a Brat pissed me off, but that wasn't the reason I was upset.

He had just come through my window in a pissy mood because things at the lair where tense, him and Leo butting heads again, so naturally he was already upset, with his quick temper and rebellious attitude. I know he had a hard time controlling his actions when it came to following his older brothers demands for their team. But what started our argument was something so so stupid, and I should have known telling him to give Leo a break would set him off.

Raphael just wanted someone to take his side for once, but I didn't, instead I took his older brothers side. Though, it wasn't with ill intent. I only said what I said because it was true. Leo could be an ass sometimes, but the guy had the stress of protecting his younger brothers, and on top of that, he was the leader. And when I tried telling Raph that, it didn't play out the way I had hoped.

"If ya' wanna defend Fearless so bad, why don't ya' date him instead,"

Those words had hurt, but I knew he didn't mean them. It was very, and I mean very rare for Raphael to get snippy with me like that. But tonight, I caught him in one his worst moods, and I should have approched the situation better. Though, I wasn't going to give in and let him think speaking to me like that was okay.

Cause it's not, and he won't do it again. I couldn't give in to his tough-guy charm, which always made my heart flutter in the most alluring way.

I kept my eyes closed, hoping soon, sleep would take me so I wouldn't just fold.

Just as I was starting to relax, and drift into sleep, the feeling of three large fingers incasing the side of my shoulder had me wide awake and on guard. At first, I reached up, pushing his hand away, trying to show him I meant business. But then, the bed dipped as he rolled to face me and a muscled arm around my mid-section made my stubbornness melt away as I was tugged backward into a hard, plastron chest.

His arm slotted under mine as he gently turned my upper half a little so he could see my face, his beak burring into the dip of my shoulder as he laid a small kiss on my skin. A tiny shiver ran down my spine as he let out a small rumble, the deep sound vibrating against my back as he left a trail of soft kisses until he got to my ear and lowly whispered.

"I'm sorry, baby, I shouldn'a spoke to you that way..."

His lips were ghosting over mine as I turned my head, finally getting a good look at those green eyes I loved so much. There was a softness to his gaze, and I could see the regret shining in the pools of his eyes.

My own gaze softened the longer I stared into his eyes, and no words had to be shared, because I knew, he was honestly sorry and he knew he messed up. And he also knew I couldn't stay mad for long, especially not when was staring at me like that, a look I was sure he had learned from Mikey, who oftentimes got anything he wanted when he pulled this expression.

His soft apology had me like putty in his hands, and all I could do in response was nudge my nose against his, laying a soft peck on the scar on his upper lip before grasping the hand that somehow wedged its way on the other side of my head. Turning back around, I sunk into his hold and tugged his arm under my chin, which was slunked over me like a protective blanket. I kissed his knuckles, earning a deep churr in response as he relaxed and laid back, effectively pulling my smaller form closer.

I felt him bury his face into my hair, inhaling deeply "Ya' drive me crazy, babe."

This time, a tiny giggle escaped my lips and I ran my fingers over his forearm, marveling at how rough he was compared to my softness. "You love me for it,"

"Yeah, I do." He murmured, kissing my head once more before dropping his hands to trail the curves of my body that were slotted against his larger form. He rumbled once again, "So fuckin' much,"

MASTERLIST

#bayverse tmnt #bayverse raphael #teenage mutant ninja turtles bayverse #ocs #soft raph is my weakness #tmnt oneshot #raphael x reader #my oc character #tmnt raphael #tmnt raphael being a softie #EDIT: went back and added more to this I COULDN'T HELP IT #x reader tmnt

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silentglassbreak · 2 months

Text

Fragmented

Noah Sebastian x OFC

Just having a lovely good time with this. We are getting there, I swear it. 😘 (I promise there’s method to my madness.) Also HEAVILY recommend listening to the chapter song title - especially toward the end of this chapter. Levitate by Sleep Token.

Warnings: No smut today. But I fucking cried writing this chapter, and I hope you do too (I'm so sadistic). Sadness. Graphic descriptions of vomiting and overall being sick. Fluffy, heartache chapter. OH and graphic depictions of violence and blood (in a dream setting, don't stress).

+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.

Taglist: @flowery-mess @lma1986 @myownthoughts12 @poisongirl616 @missduffsblog @reidsblessing @malerieee @jilliemiw86 @thisbicc @knivesforapro @diabolicdiatonics

Part 7 - Levitate

At what point do you start drawing lines in the sand? I asked myself that question over and over the past several weeks since the party. Who was fucking with who anymore? I'm certain neither of us really knew the answer.

Mileena was still seeing Justin, our mishap in the bathroom on the 4th being unspoken of again. It never happened. I kept trying to remind myself of that, each time I saw her, the only times our paths crossing being during pick-ups and drop-offs of Addison.

I had fully expected her to become scarce, but to my surprise, she was letting business go on as usual. Even being around more often. Part of me wanted to hope that meant she was slowly inching her way back to me, some undying need inside of her not being capable of keeping a distance. That thought was shut down, however, when Nick mentioned that he was asked to go on a double date with her, Laura, and the Ken doll (my favorite nickname for him).

That came about two weeks after the party, and I just shrugged it off, assuming that meant Mileena had truly forgotten about the bathroom, or was forcing herself to.

Still, she showed up, sometimes spending half an hour or more at the house when dropping off Addie, making small talk with me, once in a while even flirting. It was casual, comfortable, and for some reason, it didn't bother me to know that she was likely fucking that other guy. Something in my gut just told me to be patient. Good things come to those who wait.

So that is exactly what I did. I gave her room to exist, letting myself exist somewhere near her being good enough for me most days. In all honesty, the lack of pushing made some space for a very good friendship that we never gave the chance to grow before. Sure, the attraction was clear, but she started telling me things; things that I didn't get to hear before.

'Nick and Laura are gag-worthy. It's honestly kind of annoying.'

'I'm going to go back to work soon. I got a job offer, but the last two years off have been so heavenly.'

'I miss Washington. We need to take Addie up there to visit Dad.'

She kept throwing that word around. We. I never wanted to bring it up. Never wanted to spook her. Rather, I stood there and listened to her most times, smiling softly at her, loving the way the light filled her eyes when she was excited, or she came in close for a hug whenever she was sad. I took every second. I accepted it graciously, happy to exist.

Today, however, was not a good day. Today, I felt like a bin of hot, rancid, putrid garbage. We were stood in the green room of a venue in Buena Park, getting ready for a pop-up show, when I felt an overwhelming sense of nausea hit me. All day, I had felt off, but had brushed it off as the heat, stress from the show, and exhaustion hitting me all at once. I had slept most of the day, working to get myself out of the funk, trying like hell to prepare for the show, but I couldn't shake it.

Now, feeling my insides threatening to make their way out, my eyes darted around the room frantically, eyes falling on a nearby trash can. I bolted for it, collapsing onto my knees before emptying everything in my stomach into the bin, heaving painfully.

After successfully spitting out the last of the vomit, I sat back on my heels, trying to breathe deeply. My episode had caught Jolly's eye, and he ran over, face cringing at the sight.

"Dude, what the fuck?" I pointed at a stack of napkins on the table behind him, and he handed me a few. I wiped my mouth.

"I don't know, man. I was good, and then I just had to hurl." I was trying to determine if I was done puking, my stomach still rolling around.

"Eat something bad?" Nick had joined us now, hands in his pockets.

"Fuck, man, no idea. I guess." I shrugged, tossing the napkins in the can.

"Do we need to cancel? If so, we need to let Matt know now." Jolly's voice was concerned.

I shook my head. "Nah, I'm good. I just need a minute."

"You sure?" Nick raised a brow at me, and I stood up.

"Yeah. You guys got any gum?"

Four songs. I made it that far. I worked so hard, swallowing all of the saliva building in my mouth, keeping my face even. But as soon as we hit Glass Houses, and I had to start screaming, I had to run off stage, emptying my stomach once again into a trash can off of the side. I had thrown my mic hastily on the stage, making it clear that my abrupt exit wasn't planned.

Jolly, still vigorously playing the music, repeating the same riff, stepped off to the side and gave me a glance. I was kneeling, gagging dryly into the can. I saw him motion for everyone to stop. The music and lights cut sharp, and I leaned my head on the cool rim of the metal can, breathing heavily.

Folio stood over me. "Noah?" I looked up at him.

"I can't. I'm so fucking sorry."

He was shaking his head. "No, bro. You're fucking sick."

My body was covered in a slick, disgusting sweat, but I was still shivering profusely. "I'm freezing, dude."

Folio looked up. "Uh, hang on." He jogged off to the side of the stage, returning with my coat that I had discarded after the first track. "Here."

I stood up and pulled it on, not feeling much relief, my skin screaming as the fabric brushed over it. I took a moment to calm my body before walking back out to the stage, the crowd cheering as I did.

I picked up my discarded microphone and waved. "Well," I put a hand on my hip and huffed a laugh out. "I'm so sorry about that, guys."

The crowd cheered for me, but I was still fighting the feeling of another impending puking spell.

"So, I think I'm sick." I chuckled, and I saw the guys shaking their heads, smiling. Nick was already taking his bass off, and Jolly was walking over next to me. "I'm so sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to finish the show tonight, folks."

It was met with cries of sadness, and I frowned. "We're so sorry." Jolly's voice came through his own mic. "But we will schedule a make-up show. We've just got to keep this guy away from the gas station sushi."

Nick and Folio laughed with the crowd, but I just gagged, pressing it back down. Jolly slapped me hard on the back, which made me flinch.

"We're going to get this guy into bed, guys. But, before we go, we thank you all for being here!" Jolly hollered, and the crowd cheered.

"And can we give it up for Noah, guys?!" Nick hollered out, causing the venue to erupt. I just gave an embarrassed nod and began stalking off stage, feeling another wave oncoming.

Nick drove me home last night, walking me inside to make sure I got into bed properly. I only managed to get my pants, shoes, and shirt off before I folded into bed.

"Alright, bro, I've set a bowl on the nightstand, in case you don't make it, and I've got a water bottle next to you." But I was already half asleep when he left.

I was awoken to the doorbell going off, and I groaned, my back muscles screaming at me, and my stomach rolling inside me when I swung my legs off the bed. My head pounded hard at the sensation of sitting up. I felt truly horrific.

I stepped downstairs slowly, my body aching with each drop of my feet. I rubbed at my eyes against the sunlight, opening the front door.

Mileena stood in front of me, grocery bags in hand, and staring brightly at me, her faced etched with worry.

My eyes widened when I realized. "Oh, fuck! It's Sunday!"

She shook her head. "Oh no, I didn't bring Addie. I didn't want to risk giving her the plague."

I rolled my eyes as she walked past me into the house, closing the door behind her. "Then why are you here? Don't you not want to get it?"

She waved me off, heading for the kitchen. "I'll be fine."

She was back after a second, and I hadn't moved from where I stood by the door, focusing on staying upright as the room started to spin. Her eyes examined my face, a look of sympathy on hers.

"Oh Noah," She rubbed a hand on my shoulder. "you look like shit."

I smirked, my eyes nearly closed. "Thank you for noticing, I feel like it too."

I yawned, stopping it short when I felt as though I may gag again.

"How'd you know I was sick?"

"Nick called Laura last night. Told us about the show. I almost came over then, but Nick said you knocked out pretty quick."

I opened my eyes, then, giving her an inquisitive look. "So, you're here because...?"

She huffed, putting her hands on her hips. "To make sure you don't die?"

Leena was trying so hard to be convincing, but I still smiled playfully at her. "Oh sure. You're just here cause you couldn't stand the thought of not seeing me."

She rolled her eyes at me, smacking a hand gently on my chest, which made me whine, rubbing the spot. My skin was so sensitive.

I saw her face flinch, realizing I was tender. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry." Her fingers rubbed the spot she hit, but I wiggled away, the contact uncomfortable.

She then pressed her palm to my chest, scrunching her brows. "Jesus, Noah." Mileena grabbed my face and pulled me down, pressing her lips to my forehead - something she always did when checking for a temperature. "Fuck Noah! You're burning up!"

Scurrying into the kitchen, then back to me in a flash, she had the thermometer in her hand, brushing it across my forehead. Everything was happening in slow motion for me, the room still threatening to turn on it's side at any given moment.

"Fuck! 104.9 degrees!" I just nodded dryly, not fazed. "Noah, you may need to go to a doctor."

I groaned, walking over to the couch and sitting slowly. "I just want to sleep."

She followed me, pulling my legs up to stretch on the couch. Her hands grabbed the blanket I kept on the back of it, stretching it out over me. "Fine, but I'm staying with you a while. I don't like that fever."

I scoffed. "I'm not too fond of it, myself."

She grabbed the remote and turned the television on. "What do you want to watch?"

I moaned, absolutely suffering. "Don't care. Whatever you want."

She took up space on the other end of the sectional, tucking her feet underneath her and scanning to Hulu.

"Just nothing about food." I felt my face begin to turn green, and she noticed. She ran to the bathroom, grabbing the trash and placing it near my head on the floor. "Thanks, babe."

I watched her still, glancing at me, wanting to correct me. It was a reflex that I hadn't meant to say, but in my current state, I couldn't find the willpower to care.

She must've known, because she just turned up her lips, and softened her eyes. "Of course."

I let my eyes fall closed, my head calming while I heard the opening to Grey's Anatomy play.

I woke up to a lurch in my stomach, my eyes flying open, and my hand instinctively grabbing the trash, retching hard into it. Not much had come out, mostly bile, as I hadn't held down anything for about thirty-six hours. I opened my eyes, bleary with involuntary tears, and saw the end of the couch empty, but the TV still playing.

"Oh, Noah!" Her feet tapped the floor softly as she ran into the living room.

She circled the coffee table, and sat next to me on the couch, her hand rubbing small circles on my back. Setting the can down, I leaned back on the couch, fighting to get air in my lungs.

"What the fuck?" I grit through my teeth. Her hand was now on top of mine, her thumb massaging into the tattoos on my skin.

"I know. Must be a bad bug."

I leaned down, grabbing the edges of the bag in the can, preparing to get rid of it. Her hands came in, shooing mine away.

"I'll get this. Go brush your teeth."

I stood, running a hand through my sweat-soaked hair, and realized I was still in just my boxers. It hadn't even occurred to me, too sick to realize how gross I must look.

"Sorry you have to see me like this."

She snorted, tying the bag up. "Noah, you watched me give birth. I think we're okay."

I smiled at her tiredly. "You don't have to stay. What about Addie?"

She walked to the front door, slipping on my slides so she could walk outside to the can. "Uncle Jolly and Uncle Folio took her out for the day. Laura told me to stay as long as you need."

I was sick, exhausted, and half-dead, but I couldn't help what came tumbling out of me.

"And what if I never let you leave?"

Her hand hovered over the door knob, her neck twisting so she could look at me, a sad expression on her face. "Go brush your teeth. Your breath is rank."

I smiled. It wasn't a 'no' or a 'shut up', so it was progress.

"I think I'm going to shower, actually."

She just nodded before disappearing outside to dispose of the garbage.

I climbed the stairs carefully, lightheaded. I walked straight into the bathroom, turning the water to scalding, and stripped off my underwear. I glanced in the mirror, cringing at the sight. My eyes held dark, grey circles around them, my hair was visibly greasy, and my lips were pale and chapped.

Real sexy, Sebastian.

While I waited for the water to get hot enough to melt my skin, I brushed my teeth, working hard not to gag again. Once I spit the last of the toothpaste out, I stepped into the hot water and took a moment to adjust. I had a feeling my fever had broken, as my skin didn't hurt quite so badly.

I took time to scrub my body, letting my body calm as I felt the previous day rinse off of me. I quickly washed my hair, not even bothering with conditioning or anything extra. Then, I just stood there, letting the warm water wash over my back, my forehead leaning against the cool tile, zoning out while I breathed deeply.

"Hey." I heard her voice, which I didn't react to. "You alive in there?"

I flipped the handle, turning the water off. My hand grabbed the towel on the hook, pulling it in and wrapping it around my waist before opening the curtain. She stood in the doorway, and I heard her inhale a sharp gasp when her eyes caught me standing, my hair dripping down my face. I flipped it back and eyed her.

"I feel like death."

Her eyes were blown wide, and her lips parted slightly, not responding. Normally, I'd be taking full advantage of the moment. However, I was sure my stomach couldn't handle any sudden movents.

"I, uh," She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "I brought some Zofran. We need to get you to hold something down."

I stepped out of the shower, sighing. "If you think it'll help."

She held a hand out, a small white pill in the palm. I walked over, picking up the tablet and holding it on front of me.

"How do I know you're not drugging me?"

She pursed her lips, smirking. "You don't."

I shrugged nonchalantly, and dry swallowed it.

Standing inches from her, smiling mischievously. "How's my breath?"

Leena grinned earnestly, then. "Better." She lifted a hand to the back of my neck, pulling my forehead down to her lips again. She hummed in approval. "That's better too. Now c'mon," She tugged at my wrist, pulling me out of the bathroom. "let's get you dressed and into bed."

I took note of the sweats, underwear, and t-shirt laid out on the bed. I also noticed the blanket being fresh.

"I changed the sheets for you. They were still damp from you sweating all night. I set up the trash can next to the bed, water on the nightstand. You need to drink it." She was using her Mom voice now, which had me staring at her, amused. "When you're ready to try eating, I've got Saltines, cheese, and a few different soups."

Eyes boring into her, I couldn't help but grin. "I appreciate you, Mileena."

The look on her face told me she was not troubled by any of her efforts. "You know I don't mind." She scanned the room, and began turning around. "I'll let you get dressed."

"Are you leaving?"

She stared at me, her eyes sparkling. "Do you want me to?"

A tinge of red crept up my neck, suddenly shy. "I mean, no?" Breathing out a chuckle, I picked up the underwear, letting the towel drop. Her eyes only flashed down to me for a split second, her throat swallowing hard. "But I get if you need to get back to Addison."

She squeezed her eyes shut. "No," She had her lips held tight together. "I checked in with Laura. Addie's fine. She said I can stay however long."

I nodded. "I've got pants on now." My words were lighthearted, finding humor in the fact that she was trying to preserve my modesty, as if she hadn't seen it all before.

"I figured I'd start disinfecting the living room while you napped."

I sat down hard on the bed, slipping the shirt over my head and wincing, the sensitivity coming back.

"Or, you could watch TV with me."

She stared at me, as if I was insane. "Is that such a good idea?"

I leaned back, pulling myself under the comforter and sinking down into the mattress.

"I mean, if you don't want to catch this crap, I don't blame you."

Sitting next to me on the edge of the bed, she laid a hand on my stomach softly. "I told you I'm not worried about that."

I laughed. "Well, you don't have to worry about me trying to come onto you. I get nauseas just breathing. I couldn't imagine what having sex would do."

She let out a hard cackle, smiling with all of her teeth. It was a nice sight to see, even on the brink of death.

"Well," I could tell she was weighing her options. "I guess it's fine. Mind if I borrow some pants? Jeans aren't exactly comfortable."

I just gestured to the dresser. She knew where to find everything. She slipped a pair of joggers out of the drawer, stepping into the closet to change. After, she came over to the bed, her side, and sat on top of the blankets, pushing her pillow up against the headboard, and flipped the TV on.

"Still no requests?" I just shook my head. She started Supernatural, picking up where her and I had left off on the last season, sitting back and watching the screen intently.

After a few minutes, I rolled onto my side, facing her, in a desperate attempt to ease the hard ache in my diaphragm. My body felt sore from dry heaving and the virus that crept through my veins. Eventually, I grew frustrated with the uneasiness each position had me in, growling.

"Come on." She motioned for me to scoot closer, pulling her legs under the covers and half-laying on the pillow. I moved myself to lay my head on her stomach, arm draped over her middle. Her fingers began running through my hair, nails scraping gently over my scalp the way she knew would have me snoozing quickly.

I buried my nose into her shirt, breathing easily. "Hey Leena?"

"Hmm?" She was into the show, but I still couldn't help myself.

"How would Justin feel about us just cuddling?" I smiled, reminiscing of the first time we cuddled on her couch, two years ago.

She snorted, clearly remembering exactly what I was referring to.

"He'll live. You may not. Priorities."

"So I take priority, huh?" My voice was slightly muffled against her, but I was warm all over thinking about it.

"You're the father of my child, Noah. And my best friend. Of course you do."

My hand squeezed her side in a sad attempt for a hug. She gripped my hair a touch tighter at the root, earning her an appreciative moan from me. So fucking relaxing.

"You should get some sleep."

"Are you and him still...a thing?"

I felt her chest heave. "Is that really a good conversation for right now?"

I raised an eyebrow she couldn't see. "We're best friends, right? Just pretend I'm Laura or something."

She laughed at that. "No can do, babe. Laura's prettier than you."

I waved a finger in the air in front of us. "Nuh-uh."

Her body shook with laughter.

"Ah Noah, insufferable as always."

I could only hum at her, my arm falling back to her side.

"You can tell me, Leena. I won't get mad."

Her voice was careful. "Kind of."

"What does that mean?"

"It means exactly that, Noah. Kind of." She sighed. "I like him, but..." She trailed off.

"But what? He’s not as dreamy as you had originally expected?" I smirked at my words, which came out in my voice.

But her words were somber.

"He's not you."

My face fell, processing what she had said.

"Oh."

"Yeah." Her fingers pet my hair softly now, smoothing it down. "Get some sleep, babe. I'll be here."

Even with the firecrackers exploding inside of my chest, the overwhelming exhaustion was taking over, blurring my vision. Sleep overtook me quickly, my eyes closing while her hands soothed me into oblivion.

"I don't love you, Noah. I don't think I ever did."

"She's never going to be with you again."

I pulled at the metal shackles around my wrists and ankles, screaming at the top of my lungs behind the leather bound around my mouth. My skin burned from all over, unable to breathe in enough air to fight any harder.

"This is how you die, Noah. Alone. No happiness. No dignity. No family. You're pathetic." Leena was stood inches from my face, Justin just behind her, staring wickedly.

"She's mine now, bitch."

The veins in my neck strained as I tried to bite down on the bind in my mouth, my flesh bleeding as I pulled against the steel holding them to the table I laid on.

Justin picked up an instrument off of the tray, a long, razor-like blade that looked medieval.

"You deserve this, Noah. For being such a fucking failure." The laugh that pressed out of her was maniacal, bouncing off the hard walls of the dark room. "Addison will never have to see how fucking sad and horrid her father was."

Justin stepped over to me, using one hand to rip the tank top I wore. I pulled harder as he lowered the blade over my stomach.

He smiled at me. "I hope you didn't pay much for these tats, dude, cause they're about to come off."

My eyes bulged, my chest heaving as I shook my head hysterically.

The blade sunk deep into my skin, a sharp, piercing burning flashing over me as I watched the blood pouring out of me.

My screams were wet and desperate, tears flowing down the sides of my face into my hair. I stared at Mileena, begging her to stop this, but she just smiled at me, her yes dark.

"Oh Noah! You're doing great!" Her words were all venom, and I couldn't breathe now, a weight pressing on my chest. I looked up to see Justin pressing his palm down as he dug the blade in deeper, piercing my organs.

Blood pooled in my throat, and I tried spitting it, only for it to fall back down into my mouth, making me choke.

"Noah!" Mileena clapped, smiling wildly. "C'mon Noah!"

"Noah! Noah, wake up!" I felt my body shaking. "Babe! Wake up, honey!"

I startled, my eyes snapping open, and sat up abruptly. My eyes scanned for the trash can, grabbing it and lifting it into my lap, violently throwing up into the bag. I could feel the tears coming out of eyes, and I lifted my head, my body still shaking with sobs.

"Baby," Her hand was on the back of my neck, her voice calm in my ear. "it's okay. Let it out."

Heaving again, I ejected any stomach contents I had before taking a few deep, hard breaths.

"Done?" After a few seconds, I nodded. "Okay, let me take this."

She grabbed the can and stood off the bed, walking back into the bathroom. Returning with toilet paper in her hand, she tore some and handed it to me to wipe my face.

She crawled into my lap, pulling my face into her chest, as I cried hard.

Usually, I try to be masculine about it, crying quietly, privately. However, I was still so shaken by the nightmare, that I let myself wrap my arms around her, wetting her shirt with my hot tears.

She shushed me, rubbing calming circles on my back until I was able to breathe evenly again.

"Bad dream, huh?" I only nodded in response, unable to speak. "Yeah, fever dreams are the worst."

After several long moments, I shifted so she could scoot off of me, standing and heading into the bathroom, running my toothbrush over my tongue and teeth again, washing the taste of stomach acid out of my mouth.

I came back to the bed, pulling her back into me.

"I'm sorry."

We were laid together, tangled on top of the blankets, and she giggled.

"Don't apologize for having a bad dream. You can't control that."

"It was so bad."

She reached a hand up under my shirt, splaying her fingers out on my chest. "Sounded like it. You started screaming."

"Ugh, I'm sorry."

Rather than lecturing me again for apologizing, she just hummed.

"I've got you, babe."

I noticed Supernatural was still on. "How long was I out?"

"About two hours. I think I dozed off a little, too." She traced my skin with a fingertip. "You think you want to try munching some crackers? You're dry heaving so bad because you don't have anything to throw up."

I sighed hard. "I guess."

Another hour, and I was sitting up on the bed, breaking the crackers into four and taking at least fifteen minutes to eat each one. My stomach didn't like it, but needed it. I had earned a love/hate relationship with a sleeve of Saltines, and that's just fitting for my whole fucking life, isn't it?

Mileena was eating a sandwich she had ordered from her favorite spot, pulling pickle slices off of it and popping them in her mouth. We both watched the screen intently, making odd and end comments about the movie we watched.

"This isn't nearly as good as the first one." She spoke around her bite of food.

I shook my head. "Nah. The first Nun was actually a little creepy." I pointed at the TV. "This one is kind of boring, actually.

"Agreed." Leena popped another pickle in her mouth.

I smirked at her. "I still don't get that. Why not just eat them on the sandwich?"

She stuck her tongue out, a perfect round pickle slice sat in the center, and crossed her eyes at me. I stuck my fingers out to pinch her tongue, but she sucked it back in quickly, giggling at me.

Although my stomach still hurt, and wasn't pleased that I had filled it with six crackers and a half of a water bottle, I felt a slight energy surge, so I didn't want to try falling back asleep yet. Not after my last nap. I shuddered at the thought.

Her eyes fell on me, noticing my shiver. "You want to talk about the dream?"

I shook my head, looking down at the cracker I was breaking. "It's fading anyway."

Mileena raised an eyebrow at me. "Mkay, well you let me know if you change your mind." She turned her attention back to the movie.

"What time do you have to go?"

She stood off the bed, balling up the paper from her sandwich, and tossing it in the trash can. "I called Laura after you woke up, and she told me I was fine to stay over if needed. Addie has been really good today, and tomorrow her and Nick are taking the baby to the aquarium."

Expressionless, I tried not to let the hope swell too much in my chest.

Still, I croaked out. "Slumber party?"

She laughed, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door. "Oh sure! We can paint nails and have a pillow fight!" She hollered from behind the door.

"I'm into it!" I yelled back.

"Yeah, well I'm all yours, then."

I smiled triumphantly. If I had known this was how to keep her around, I would've been licking doorknobs ages ago.

She returned, perching back on the bed. Her eyes glanced over to me comfortably, a smooth smile on her face.

"Leena?" She looked back at me over her shoulder. "Seriously, have you told him you're here?"

Her face fell, her gaze dropping to the remote in her hand. "I haven't."

I huffed, leaning back. "Maybe you shouldn't."

Her eyes looked up at me from under her lashes. "Can I be honest with you, Noah?"

My face twisted into a frown. "I expect nothing less."

She turned completely, facing me, and her legs crossed underneath her.

"I'm not good at this." She gestured between us.

I raised a brow. "What do you mean?" I looked over to the nightstand and down at my crackers. "Being a doctor? Could've fooled me."

She rolled her eyes, smiling. "No, dork." She looked back down out her hands. "Being broken up."

My head leaned back against the headboard. "Ah."

"I just," She pressed her lips together. "I miss you. And that makes it so hard, because I know you miss me too. You tell me all the time."

I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest. "I do."

"I want to be with you all the time. I think about it all day, every day."

I wouldn't dare interrupt, despite the increasing surge I had to kiss her, touch her, hold her. Anything.

"I damn near talk myself into coming home every day, Noah." Her eyes were getting wetter, and I just wanted to press my lips to her forehead. "But then I remember. Being alone."

My heart twitched.

"I don't know. Justin is...good." Ouch. Didn't need to know that. "He has a good job. He likes me, so much." She rolled her eyes. "He's good-looking, funny. He likes everyone. He respects the hell out of you." Shocking, truly. The feeling wasn't at all mutual.

"But," Her hands fell flat on the bed, a deep breath filling her. "I don't feel what I do when I'm with you."

My face was curious. "And that is?"

"Alive." She stood up then, beginning to pace back and forth in front of the bed. My eyes followed her every move.

"Noah, I spent a long fucking time just...breathing." She stopped, eyes boring into me. "But then I met you, and I felt like something inside me woke up. Like I had been on autopilot, but then, suddenly, I was driving again. At a hundred miles an hour."

I smirked.

"Even now, after all this time, I feel so drawn to you. Like a magnet, or gravity? Maybe that's the same thing, I have no fucking clue."

"It's not. Continue."

She narrowed her eyes at me, but continued pacing. "Either way. I can't find that feeling with him."

She sat on the bed then, right next to me.

"It's like that feeling of being on a roller coaster, when your blood is on fire, and your heart is racing? But then you get off of it? And everything goes back to normal? Do you know what I mean?"

"I do."

"The second I left your hotel room that night, it was like I stepped off the coaster. And for a while, I loved that. It was relieving, not knowing when it was going to drop. It was nice to know that I finally had control." A tear rolled down her cheek. "But then...I hated it. I felt like I was at a standstill."

I lifted my hand, wiping the tear from her cheek, using the other to rest on her shoulder.

"But every time I saw you," Her voice cracked, wet. "it was like I was awake again; alive."

She shook, a cry breaking through her. I pulled her, then, bringing her in close to me. I held one arm around her body, locking her in close to my chest. My other holding the back of her neck, squeezing gently to comfort her as she cried.

"I got you, Leena." I whispered in her ear. "I'm right here."

Her hands gripped my shirt tight, legs pulled up underneath her.

"Babe," I pulled her up so I could look into her eyes. "I know this is so hard. But it's truly whatever you want. Whenever."

I pulled her back down.

"I'm always here, just for you."

She laughed then, a sarcastic sound. "Noah, I can't ask you to sit around and wait for me to figure my shit out."

"You don't have to."

This made her cry harder, and I squeezed her tight.

"I love you Mileena. More than life itself."

Her voice was strained. "God, I love you so much, Noah." She cried between her words. "I miss you so much it hurts."

I felt my own tears brewing. "I know. I do too." I inhaled hard, trying to hold my own hurt back behind my hard exterior. "Every day. Every moment."

"Can we just pretend for today? Can we just act like nothing ever happened? And be us? Please, I'm so fucking tired. I just need one fucking day." Her hands were pulling at me, desperate to get closer.

I wrapped both arms around her in a tight grip.

"Of course we can, baby." I spoke into her hair. "Anything you want, my love."

#fanfic #noah sebastian #bad omens #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fic

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soapskneebrace · 5 months

Text

A note on future chapters of both Neighbors and the upcoming Soap series:

so, uh, with my recent neurodivergence revelation and also becoming familiar with PDA, I've decided to put absolutely no pressure on myself at all and refuse by all means necessary to update consistently. I make zero promises as to when any chapters will happen, or honestly if I will even FINISH any given work.

Behind the scenes I've been beating myself up a lot because I can't seem to get Neighbors chapters out faster than every two months, and I have always wanted more from myself in terms of writing. However with the deluge of realizations I've made in the past 36 hours I've come to understand that wanting more has made more an obligation, and (considering I'm not getting paid for this) my brain literally cannot work with that.

It's more than accepting or emphasizing that fanfiction is primarily for myself and thus is not subject to the whims and wants of others; I am very comfortable disappointing you all in favor of my well-being. Advocating for myself has been a skill I've worked very hard to cultivate. However, tuning my own expectations for myself has been harder to practice. I have always wanted to be more productive, more consistent, and more organized. I have always wanted to feel like I could do exactly what I wanted myself to do.

I've recognized in the end that having these expectations at all has perhaps been detrimental to my creative growth. My brain is not a neurotypical brain. The things that motivate a neurotypical brain--goal-setting, external accountability and satisfaction--do not motivate mine. They cause me stress and shame and anger and disappointment, all directed inward.

I have spent many, many years hating myself for falling short of these expectations. I have believed that the only reason I cannot meet them is because I am actively choosing to be a disappointment, because I do not have the self control to do "better" and change myself. I know now that this is not the case. I am different. My needs are different. This is okay. It is okay for me to be this way.

ALL OF THIS TO SAY LMAO that you'll see me when you see me. I'll have stuff for you when I have it. I still want to write for my series, because I'm very happy about them and it gives me a lot of joy to see other people enjoy my work, but I will no longer bind myself in obligation to them.

There will be no schedule, and I will no longer apologize for gaps between updates. I'm vibing. I'm embracing happiness. And my sincerest wish is that everyone who has been with me since the beginning finds the courage and the freedom to do the same. Thank you all so much for your support, especially through one of the hardest years of my life. It has meant the world.

#sorry for no read more but it's important to me that y'all read this

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wayfayrr · 4 months

Note

You don’t have to do this one if it’s too much!! I just simp for twi and time so hard but I don’t wanna overwhelm you, please take breaks!! Ily :’DD

Soft fruit cake w eggnog to eat in?

I hope you'll enjoy your order this evening ~

Time is one of the links I'm less confident with writing, but he's still so much fun. He's a bit of a blushy dork in this one for you. <3

[Event masterlist]

“It's kinda comforting to know that Hyrule has the same traditions as home. Some of them anyway.”

Time isn’t focused on it, it seems off for him to be acting like this, unless he was lying to me? what reason would he have to lie about something so harmless though… it’s just gifts. Why would he ever need to lie as something as a tradition?

“You don’t actually have it as a tradition, do you?”

“What, no, we do. It’s part of the winter festival here.”

“Why do you feel the need to lie over something so small?”

Red illuminates his face at that, whatever has him so embarrassed over being called out for this? It’s so different from his usual stoic self too, not a bad change, just a sudden one. It makes me want to pry into what’s causing this even more than if he did manage to keep his cool.

“You seemed so excited when talking about it. I just wanted to do it for you.”

“But why lie, why not just be honest and just do it as a new thing?”

The red grows from his cheeks to the tips of his ears now, this new bashful side only becoming more appealing the more of it I get to see. Still though, it’s such a childish thing to get so flustered over. Like he’s a little kid rather than one of the oldest links here, not even able to make eye contact with me anymore.

“Well, never mind that. It doesn’t change the fact that we’ve both gotten each other a gift right?”

“I'd still like to know why you didn’t just admit it’s not commonly done.”

“You were so- hmph.”

He’s close to cracking on the reason why he’s lying about all all of this to begin with, if I push it a little more he’ll spill I can bet. I don’t even really mind what it is, it’s only sheer curiosity making me want to learn now. What reason is enough to lie over something so small for so long?

“Time - link please, I’m not bothered or anything, I just wanna know.”

“You just seemed so excited talking about your home and I know you’ve been homesick… So I just… Wanted to make you more comfortable.”

That’s it? I can’t deny that it’s not a sweet reason, it does feel very childish though, it really is like he’s just some love struck teen. If I were to close my eyes and focus… I could probably see his young adult self still dressed in that forest green.

“While I appreciate it, you really didn’t need to go that far for something so simple. I’m honoured though… If we’re not following strict traditions though… why not just give each other gifts now?”

“That wouldn’t bother you? I thought christmas day was what you said was important.”

“The thought of it is what counts above everything else, besides if you’re so worried about the day, I don’t know if it’s passed or not back home.”

The blush is slowly fading now, his fluster dying down till he looks more like his familiar lightly stoic self. Finally moving to sit down next to me rather than over at the opposite side avoiding looking at me but not before picking up his bag. Setting himself down with a sigh and a hand running through his hair. Hyping himself up by the look of it, it makes a lot of sense why he’s so nervous now that I know it’s his first time doing anything like this. I can probably take some of that stress away by simply giving him his first, hopefully, then he’ll feel less pressure.

“Here, I got this for you at the recent village -”

His surprise is cute, I knew it’d be worth it to hand-decorate some paper to wrap it with. Even though it’s torn in a matter of seconds, anything is worth it for him.

“I saw how you were looking at it for ages - don’t worry I brought it myself and not out of the supply fund. Do you like it?”

“You… I didn’t expect it… it was so expensive.”

So getting him a cloak and the armour polish he was staring at longingly was the right idea. Wiping my savings might not have been as good, but I can earn it back fairly quickly if the others are still as bad with bets. He’s blushing a little as he passes me two neatly wrapped parcels.

“This is for you then I hope you’ll like it as much as I did.”

My breath catches in my throat as I unwrapped the first, and I’m greeted with the most beautiful leather-bound sketchbook. A quick glance at him as he gestures for me to open the other. These art supplies must have cost him so much, watercolours here are rare, all of these charcoal pencils too.

“Time you -”

“You said you missed drawing, that you wanted your own supplies. So when I saw them I knew they would be perfect… you do like them right?”

“I love them… than you so much link.”

It’s a bit of a struggle to stop myself from tearing up from how kind it was, thankfully he seems to have taken pity on me now as he cuddles up with me next to the fire. Moving me to lay against his side as we watched it crackle late into the night.

#had to scrap the taglist cause it light shadowbanned my posts :/#I thought they got deleted when I posted em #linked universe x reader #time x reader #link x reader #oot x reader #moss✦writes #fruit✦cake

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femmefatalevibe · 1 year

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Femme Fatale Guide: How To Rediscover Yourself, Set Boundaries, & Master Interpersonal Conflict

The beginning of a new year marks a prime time for self-reflection and resetting our intentions. Take some time and use this post as a guide to self-assess your purpose, goals, desired self-concept, and boundaries to bring confidence and self-love into 2023.

Ways To Discover Your "Why":

Start by checking out my guide on Self-Discovery & Mastering Personal Branding and doing the linked exercise (more tips here) to uncover your 'Dream Girl Archetype.'

Tips On Setting/Upholding Boundaries:

Make it about you and never about them.

Know the difference between boundaries and expectations: A boundary is about you and how you will respond to another person's actions. An expectation is the way you expect others to conduct themselves (at least in your presence/relationship). Gently bring up the behavior or actions that bother or trigger you. Communicate your boundary to them when it comes to these conversation topics or behaviors. Say "when you talk about "X" topic or do "X" behavior, I feel uncomfortable/stressed/upset and need to remove myself from the conversation (either physically, hang up the phone, stop answering texts), etc. If they're well-meaning friends, family members, partners, etc., they will respect your boundaries and know that there's an expectation in your relationship for these topics/behaviors to not come up and, if they do, be apologized for and corrected immediately (humans slip up occasionally; you will know the difference between disregard for your well-being and an honest mistake by their reaction to your calling them out).

Always use "I" statements to communicate your needs and requests: Telling people what they're doing wrong instead of how their actions make them feel automatically puts others in defense mode. So, always make sure to describe the exact words/actions/behaviors that are bothering you and how these situations make you feel. Don't personalize these actions – unless you want a negative reaction from the other person (you don't).

Make time for self-care: It's true that you can only be fully present for others when you fill up your own cup and have your needs met first. Otherwise, you're only showing up as a fraction of the person you can and strive to be. Spend time alone. Take long showers and walks. Read books, journal, draw, meditate, and watch your favorite movies or TV shows. Eat healthy meals and work out. Focus on your goals and activities that make you feel good no matter what or who else is trying to enter your mind at any time.

How To Approach Conflict:

Ask for permission to bring up a conflict: Allow the other person to consent to a less comfortable conversation. Depending on the situation, feel free to assertively ask: "X statement made me uncomfortable/offended. Can we discuss this topic/how I'm feeling for a moment?" If someone is overstepping a boundary/trying to push your limits, just say: "Hey, that statement/action crossed X boundary. I [insert boundary]. If X boundary is crossed again, I'll need to remove myself from this conversation/leave/hang up/etc. "

Always approach conflict with "I" statements: Make standing up for yourself about just that – standing up for YOURSELF. Share how you feel and why certain behaviors make you feel comfortable. Don't use language that leads with a "you" statement. Make the conversation about asserting your own needs, not the other person's actions – this will only escalate a conflict and make someone else feel attacked.

Guide your conversations using someone's behaviors/actions, and never attack someone's character during a conflict or a disagreeable conversation: (e.g. Say something like "When you say things about X group of people or topic, I get very uncomfortable or angry." You can elaborate with a reason if you feel it's necessary, but your feelings are complete and valid on their own. Don't say: "You're a close-minded/rude/unappreciative person, etc," even if you have their past actions to back this statement up. It's not a good look.)

Seek to understand, not win in conversations: Unless the person, is hostile or deliberately trying to provoke you/upset you, listen to the other person to understand their perspective before speaking. Ask them why they said an uncomfortable/offensive statement or did a certain action that left you with negative emotions. Seeing where the other person is coming from helps you better communicate with the person in the context of the situation and minimizes the chances of a conflict. In the worst-case scenario, entering these less comfortable conversations with this intention will make you appear as a mature and respected person – both to yourself and others – and keeps you in a calmer state, so you're more careful with your words and less likely to say something you regret.

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foolforharrry · 1 year

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Aches

Word count: 3.5k

Summary: April comes home to find Harry asleep and not feeling the greatest.

Sickrry

To be fully honest this is like 90% fluff

I really hope you like it. And if you do. If you wanna check out more of my writings, my masterlist is here

No matter how much shit I talk about living in Los Angeles, the one thing that I’m never going to even entertain badmouthing is the ocean.

Even though my favourite colour is green, there isn’t much that beats being able to sit outside with a glass of wine as company to admire the masses of blue that stretch over the horizon.

My adoration for the view had been a fairly big selling point in Harry’s speech when he listed all the reasons why my moving in with him would be a no-brainer.

The speech had honestly been completely unnecessary. I would have said yes to moving into a hole in the ground right next to an airport if that mean living with him.

Lucky for me, I get to live with the love of my life and a view of the sea that sucks the air out of my lungs.

Taking a deep breath, I tear my eyes away from the water. The mesmerizing reflection of the afternoon sun riding the higher points of the waves had me in a spell the same way it always does.

After a rather stressful day, I somehow always end up wandering around the house instead of through the front door when I get home, needing some of that calming blue before I do anything else.

Today had been one of those days. Job interviews will do that do you.

Before Harry had gone to the studio, he had sat me down to have a ‘serious conversation’ with him. He needed to make sure I knew that he was expecting a full report on how the interview goes.

A full report is what I’m prepared to give him as I finally step into our shared home, giddy with pride. Harry had called me to tell me that he would be there when I got home while I was getting a well-needed manicure to destress after the interview.

Home he is.

The first thing I notice when I get into the living room is that the TV is on. An episode of friends filling the silence.

Second thing is that the back of a head of curls is rested on the back of the couch, face out of view.

“Hi, love. How was your day?”, I ask as I put my purse down by the bottom of the staircase before padding across the light wooden floors.

Realisation dawns on me when Harry doesn’t even lift his head at the sound of my voice, but it stays in the exact same position. He’s asleep.

His body lays horizontally across the comfy, grey furniture, his upper back and head propped up with the edge of the sofa and an arrangement of colourful throw pillows. His laptop is open in his lap, but the screen is black, one of his hands splayed over the keyboard and the other one draped across his stomach.

His eyes are closed and his pillowy, pink lips are barely parted. Mocha brown, curly strands of hair fall across his forehead so delicately.

Trying to be as careful as possible so I don’t wake him from his slumber, I reach for the TV remote on the coffee table to shut it off, silence replacing the noise.

Just as I start to retrace my steps back to the stairs to let him sleep in peace, a groggy, “Hi.”, has me stopping in my tracks completely and twisting my head.

Great job, April.

“Am I still dreaming? Or is an angel standing in my living room?”

My eyes widen in surprise momentarily before I burst out laughing. “That’s horrible, H.”, I tell him through tears of laughter, hand over my heart to calm my breathing down again.

“Meanie.” Even though Harry offers me a sad pout at the insult to his horrible attempt at a pickup line, he’s still got that bright glint in his eyes I love so much.

Setting his laptop on the coffee table next to the remote, Harry throws his legs off the sofa and pats the space on his left as a silent request for me to sit down next to him. That’s something I do happily, giving Harry a peck on the lips as I make myself comfortable.

Tucking my legs up on the sofa, I lean into Harry, basking in the feeling of being close to him again. The familiar scent of him has a warm and fuzzy feeling wrapping around my heart as he curves his arm around my back. His fingertips brush comfortingly up and down my side, allowing me to relax further into him.

I take his free hand between mine, absentmindedly playing with his rings as we sit in comfortable silence. Hands in his jean-clad lap. My head rested on his shoulder, the side of his face against the top of my head.

He’s probably got a nose full of hair by now.

“How did it go today?”, Harry asks, his voice courser than normal. “Did she have common sense and realise what a genius my fiancé is?”

A small smile decorates my face when I take my attention away from the hole that’s ripped through the course material of his dark jeans, exposing the tanned skin of his knees and a small part of his thigh.

“Yeah. She’s gonna call me back in to discuss some further details next week.”, I tell him bashfully.

There’s a beat of silence. And then before I even realise what’s happened Harry’s manoeuvred me so I’m fully on my back. A knee planted firmly on either side of my body as Harry peppers my face with kisses, mumbling praises in between them.

His silly, playful mood is infectious, and I can’t help the laughter that falls from my lips as he reaffirms every kind word with a kiss.

After peppering another round of adorable kisses on my flushed skin, I return one to each of his soft cheeks. “Thank you, pretty boy.”

Harry shakes his head, “No need for that. You know I’m always proud of you, right?” His words have a cheesy smile crinkling the corners of my eyes. “And I you”, I return with a tap on his nose. He matches my expression, stars in his eyes as he kisses the tip of my finger.

“Now go get changed before you start complaining about your jeans being uncomfortable.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”, I lie through my teeth as Harry removes his body from mine completely. He hums, seeing right through my lie, “Whatever you say.”

Striding away from him and the sofa and up the stairs, I refuse to acknowledge the shit-eating grin I know that Harry is probably sporting right now from being right. For whatever reason, he’s comfortable lounging around in jeans. How the man does it, I genuinely have no idea. I however am the kind of person who can’t get them off quickly enough.

He knows me too well

Once I’m rid of the uncomfortable jeans, I slide a pair of grey sweats up my legs before trading the top I’ve worn all day for one of Harry’s graphic tees.

“So. I was thinking we could watch a movie while we eat?”, is what I hear when I descend the stairs again. Much more comfortable than I was two minutes ago.

My heart swells in my chest as I spot Harry in the kitchen, looking at me expectantly with a plate in his hand and the sound of the microwave telling me what he’s up to. “Are we doing Me Before You or I Feel Pretty?”

Harry takes a moment to ponder over our two options before he shares his decision. “Me Before You.”

Nodding in approval, I take a seat at the kitchen island, resting my chin on my hands folded on the countertop. “How did it go at the studio today? Did you guys figure out that song you told me about the other day?”

“It actually went really well. I think we’re set on pretty much everything. All that was left really when I left was recording the guitar solo. Mitch and Tyler were about to get started on it when i went home. It’s gonna be good.” The pride is obvious in his smile as he switches out the plates in the microwave, crossing his arms above his chest and leaning against the fridge.

I hum approvingly. “You land on a title yet?”

Having a habit of keeping me on my toes and never spilling anything about his new projects, I’m taken by surprise when Harry smirks at me and gives me the answer I was looking for, “She.”

From what he has told me about She, and now the title, I’m fairly certain that this might end up being the death of me. Much like everything else the man does.

“I can’t wait to hear it.”, I tell him seriously. Harry’s cheeks gain a pinker shade, a sheepish smile as he thanks me.

Tutting and shuffling over to him, I tilt my head back to keep eye contact with him to make sure he knows I’m serious. “You are freaking amazing, H. You inspire me every day by just being yourself. I know you’ve been a little bit anxious about experimenting more with your sound and everything. And I am so fucking proud of you for not letting your fears dim your light.”

Seeming at a loss for words, eyes glossy with emotion, Harry wordlessly wraps me up in his tight embrace, burying his face in my neck. I hug him back just as tightly. He doesn't need to say anything and neither do I.

It’s the beep signalling that the food is finished heating that makes us break apart, a soft kiss exchanged before we take one plate of leftover lasagnes each and make ourselves comfortable on the sofa again.

Harry is in the chaise, legs stretched out while I sit cross-legged next to him. We balance our food in our laps, he uses my thigh and knee as a second armrest.

Pressing play on the movie, we make quick work of our meal. I hadn’t even realised just how hungry I was until the first piece of lasagne touches my tongue.

It’s fucking delicious is what it is.

Once we’re done with our dinner, Harry tugs me towards him, letting me cuddle into him.

It’s not really a secret that movie night is a favourite for both Harry and me. We have a rather long list of movies we want to watch, even though more often than not, we circle back to our favourites.

Whenever we’re watching one of our usuals, Harry can never seem to keep from reciting the lines along with the characters with the same emotion and conviction the actor playing has.

No matter what’s on the TV, he’s always needing to have some part of his body touch mine. Whether it’s just a simple hand on a thigh or tangled together the way my hair gets if I don’t brush it out the second I get out of the shower.

There is no need to even have a conversation about what his love language is. Touch.

So who am I to deny him?

I’m shaken out of my thoughts when I feel Harry remove his cheek from the top of my head, tapping my hip to get my attention.

“I’ve gotta get up for a minute, love.”, he explains when he’s got it. I nod, frowning when I notice how pale he looks. Maybe it’s just the reflection from the television that’s making his complexion sickly. “Sure. You feeling ok, Dimples?”

“I’m good. Don’t worry.” He kisses the space between my eyebrow I know is creased right now before he makes a move to get up. But it doesn’t do much to ease the concern as I take over the spot Harry just left.

He shuffles his feet to the drawer next to the sink where we keep our medicine. Observing as he places not just one but two pills from the Advil bottle on his tongue before chugging it down with water. He rubs the side of his temple as he puts the medicine back in its rightful place.

When it comes to Advil, harry barely ever takes two at a time, hating the drowsiness that comes from the pain reliever enough with just one. So the fact that he chooses to swallow two and has kept rubbing his temple, tells me that he’s got a headache worse than he can deal with on his own.

Not that he would admit to it voluntarily.

Opening my arms as an invitation, Harry lays down on his side, putting his head in my lap. The light from the TV highlights the closest points of his face, long eyelashes fanning across the tops of his cheeks as he lets his eyes fall shut.

Just as I redirect my attention back to the movie I had nearly forgotten was playing, Harry nudges the top of my thigh with his nose, “Play with my hair, please.” His eyes are still closed as he lays completely still, arms tucked into his chest.

And so I do. But not before taking the blanket that was folded across the arm of the sofa and draping it over his body. As well as I can, seeing that I can’t do much more than throw the end.

The satisfied hum Harry lets out once I run my freshly manicured fingers through his curls has me suppressing a giggle.

I bet all that I own that having his hair played with is very high on the list of his favourite things from the way he always seems to turn to putty when I do just that.

Before I know it the end credits are rolling along with the tears. My hands are still absentmindedly making little braids only to undo them in his growing hair.

His breathing is deep and even, his body completely relaxed and his nose is buried in the fabric of my sweats as if my lap was a pillow. I don’t even want to try to wake him up. The thought had crossed my mind when I’d first noticed him starting to fall asleep. Just shut the TV off and get his ass in bed. But I decided to just let him doze off completely since it was obvious that he needs it.

Knowing Harry, if he sleeps on the sofa through the night, he’ll be bothered by his neck the whole day.

I take a minute to admire him in awe. He looks so peaceful like this. Like there isn’t a thing in the world that could ever interrupt him and his peace.

Apart from me apparently.

Being as careful as I possibly can, I slide myself further away from him while lowering his head to the cushion, freeing myself so I can get up. After shutting off the TV, the living room now nearly pitch black from the lack of light, I rid Harry of the blanket and fold back over the sofa arm.

“Darling, you gotta wake up.” I caress his cheek tenderly, watching as his eyelids slowly but surely flutter open. “There he is.”

“I wanna sleep.” His pout thankfully melts into a small smile when I kiss his nose.

Before he actually does let himself fall asleep, I take his hand in mine as I get off my knees, a reluctant Harry actually sitting up in the process. His fingers are back to soothing his table and it has an instant feeling of guilt settling in the pit of my stomach.

Pulling him the rest of the way up, I don’t even question it when Harry leans most of his weight on me, arms looping around my waist and his face settling in the crook of my neck.

“Would it make you feel better if I pamper your face how you like?”, I offer. He hums and nods but makes no move to take a step in any direction.

So I remove his arms for him, slinging the closest one around my shoulders as I wrap my own around his waist so he can keep using me as his own personal crutch. Which he does all the way up the stairs, down the hallway, through our bedroom and into our bathroom where he lets go and seats himself on top of the closed toilet seat.

Thankfully the lights were already dimmed, and it doesn’t look like he’s too bothered by them either.

As I’m setting up the products I know are his favourites, I glance over at him every few seconds. He looks like he could sleep for a week and still not be fully rested.

Dark circles and heavy under eyebags are more visible from how dull and pale his skin is. It’s lacking that glow and shine of life that’s always adorned his features as if he was an angel sent from heaven.

I wash my hands before getting his hair out of his face with the use of his fluffy, baby-blue headband.

“Do you wanna tell me what’s bothering you?”, I ask him as I start to cleanse his dampened skin, taking my time to get all that funk out of his pores, careful to keep the product out of his closed eyes. The way he has his head slightly tilted back makes it a lot easier.

“Head hurts.”

It actually feels like someone just took a tug at my heart. And not in a good way. “I’m so sorry, my love.”, I murmur, kissing the top of his head.

Keeping his hands comfortably at my hips as I stand between his legs, Harry just shrugs his shoulders as if it wasn’t a big deal. “S’fine.”

He’s full of shit and we both know it.

But knowing him I don’t try to argue and just continue with the task at hand in silence. With the exception of the hums of appreciation every now and then.

Doing his skincare routine for him isn’t going to magically take away his troubles. But if it can put a little bit of pleasure and comfort into the mix, I would happily stand and pamper him for hours on end.

Once he’s all done, I take his headband off for him and with a giggle, I give him the kiss he’s silently asking for by puckering his lips.

Harry watches me with tired eyes and his toothbrush slowly cleaning his teeth as I make quick work of my own nighttime routine.

Even though it’s way earlier than we normally even think about going to sleep, Harry is obviously about ready to throw in the towel where he sits judging by how slowly he’s brushing his teeth. The events and stress of the day have tired me out as well, to be honest.

His mumbled, “I love you”, through a mouthful of toothpaste had me giggling as I returned the sentiment.

Harry tries to help me put everything in its rightful place again, pouting when I tell him to sit his pretty little sick ass right back down again and let me take care of it. If he’d been his usual, not sick, self, he never would’ve listened.

“C’mon, Dimples. Time for bed.” “Yes, ma’am.”

I shake my head at the poor attempt at a smirk the man makes that quickly morphs into a grimace from his headache as I help him back onto his feet.

As if his body knew how close he was to finally be able to lie down and sleep again, the second his eyes lands on his final destination for today, he releases a yawn that makes his eyes all but disappear.

He plops down on top of the duvet, getting to work on shedding off his pink mickey mouse sweater as I slide my sweatpants off my legs and drop all the decorative pillows on the floor with them. Since neither of us bothered with turning on the light when we entered the room, there’s no need to make the short walk to the switch by the door.

“Do you need anything else?”, I ask as I fold back the duvet. I jump in surprise when I feel something hard meet my back the second I stand up only to realise that it’s just Harry when he hugs me to his chest and kisses the top of my head.

Swaying us slowly from side to side, he murmurs against my hair, “All I need is you.”

The butterflies that are going crazy from just how much I love this man in my stomach, stay there.

They keep buzzing around long after the warmth of the duvet envelops our bodies. The kiss goodnight Harry laid on my lips didn’t make them go away. They only increase when Harry nestles his face into my chest with his arm slung across my stomach. As if those little creatures could feel just how close he was.

I’m pretty sure they kept floating around long after I drifted off to sleep.

#harry #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles blurb #harry styles fluff #harry styles masterlist #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles #one direction #fanfiction #masterlist #harry styles soft #sick harry styles #softrry

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evilvvithin · 1 year

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Tease

Pairing: König x f!reader s/o Words: 1,196 Summary: König can be such a tease without even knowing about it. What happens when you tease him back?

Notes: Little drabble I couldn’t get out of my mind for some time. He makes me go feral in soft way i can't contain myself ty @xellrani for correcting my broken german and helping me choose right austrian-german words <3

AO3 link

”I want you to breathe with me… match my inhale… and exhale… look me in the eyes. That’s it, just relax.”

Your words echoed in König’s head and the corners of his mouth raised. Tightening his tactical belt around his waist, he wasn’t worried about himself. He was worried about you. He preferred when you stayed away from his work, when you stayed safely at base. Not this time. You literally forced yourself to be sent on a mission with him, you wanted to be with him as much as possible. It was a big surprise to both of you that they agreed to it, but here you were now and he wasn’t very happy about it.

Checking your own equipment and packing up last pieces, he kept staring at you, eyes boring to the back of your neck. You felt his stare and knew exactly what he was thinking.

What if something happened? Then, I’m with her, nothing can happen... fuck, aber alles kann irgendwie schiefgehen, he sighed out loudly.

“Let’s not waste time, I’m ready,” you grabbed his hand and brushed over his knuckles with your thumb.

Seeing his eyes narrow, you knew he’s smiling under his face cover. He loves small gestures of love and support like those. Without a word, he grabbed the rest of the backpacks and both of you headed towards your target. The mission was rather easy: go to the set position, unpack the sniper rifle and wait for your target to show up, eliminating with a nice clean shot. You couldn’t understand why this exact mission made König feel so on edge, but you also knew he gets stressed easily over small things. This must’ve been the reason.

You didn’t usually see König in full gear, armored. He handled his weapons so elegantly, smoothly and made all the heavy gear look like a plastic hollow copy. It was such a contrast to seeing him in civilian or just at base, in his camo pants and jacket. You quickly cleared your throat as you felt a certain type of heat grow down your stomach.

“The air is dry, drink enough,” he immediately said and pointed at the full canteen strapped to his backpack.

Poor soul, he has no idea, you had to chuckle at his reaction in your head.

Wrong.

You thought he was focused on the mission, in fact he was only focused on you. He might have hated the fact you were in action with him, in possible danger, but he loved the way you looked in gear just as much as you loved him in his. The heat you felt growing deep inside you was mutual. He tried to focus on getting to the position but the butterflies in his stomach were too distracting.

“Here,” he said after a while.

Putting down the sniper in place at the edge of a large hill, he hunched over you and rested his chin on the top of your head. He did this quite often, to remind you that you were his little Schatz and he was there protecting you. Usually you’d think he’s being cute but now you had to fight the urge to grind against him. He was so different when on missions compared to when you two were home.

“Eyes on target, sir?” You raised your voice at the last word with a teasing accent.

Feeling his jaw tense up on your head, he replied “soon” through gritted teeth.

Mein Gott, ran through König’s mind as he felt your hips and shoulders move to finish setting up the sniper. Does she realize she’s so perfect? He just wanted to scoop you up and take you home, reminding you how much you mean to him. It’ll have to wait.

“Ready for action, sir.” You said and stood up, leaving the spot all for him.

His eyes pierced through yours, he wasn’t sure what to think about you calling him sir. He didn’t hate it but it certainly made him react to it in a way he didn’t expect.

Ignoring the blood flowing down to his crotch, he patiently waited and observed the area. Soon enough, multiple AFVs came to your view and stopped in the middle of nowhere. Both of you almost stopped breathing, even though König was the only one aiming the sniper for a precise shot. It didn’t take long before you noticed a man in black suit seemingly yelling out orders. He didn’t seem to wear any bulletproof vest or anything. Stupid… you thought. You could see his gold rings easily in the distance. Your target wasn’t him, you knew that too well, but you couldn’t help but laugh in your mind at the “cover” they tried to do to fool you. How could anyone fall for that?

“He expects us to fall for it,” you scoffed and pointed towards him.

König jumped a little as he was used to just going alone on these “elimination” missions.

“Target undercover, ready to eliminate.” His voice turned raspy as he spoke really low and silent into his microphone.

Within a second, the soldier next to the man in suit dropped dead to the ground and panic unleashed within the group. Running to their AFVs, they were scoping the area trying to see where the shot came from.

“Down!” König grunted and jumped at you, locking you fully under his giant frame.

A bullet dug into the ground right next to you.

“Did they see us?”

“More likely a blind shot, but don’t move.”

Couple more shots were heard, but none of them were aimed in your direction anymore.

“I don’t even want to move.”

He gave you a long look and waited till all the AFVs were finally away. Gripping on your ass suddenly, he pulled you up so your face was right in front of his.

“Target eliminated. Pick his guts off the floor.” He emotionlessly stated in his microphone and pulled his headphones off, not waiting for a reply.

“That was dangerous,” he whispered to you.

Your face grimaced into fake shock: “How could it be when I’m with my Lieblingssoldat?"

“You know what’s also dangerous?” He was smirking under his mask. “Me, when you tease me like that.”

You grinded against him as soon as he said that and heard him lightly whimper in response.

“Scheiße - not here. Let’s pack up and head back.”

He helped you on your legs, leaving a quick brief kiss on the top of your hand through his mask before grabbing the sniper and backpacks. He always found time to shower you with touches and kisses, no matter the time or situation. Lowering himself, he threw you over his shoulder with ease.

“Wh- I can walk,” you shouted in surprise.

“Not as quick as me, meine maus.”

Feeling his hand over your ass holding you firmly to prevent you from falling, the lust grew strongly inside of you.

“Can’t we go quicker, or stop somewhere nearer?” Your teasing tone was back. “I can’t wait all the way home, sir.”

“No quickies, love.” He laughed with a raspy voice. “I want to make it special.”

“You always do.”

“Positiv.”

#x reader #könig #call of duty #könig x reader #könig mw2 #call of duty fanfic #cod mw2 #cod könig #call of duty x reader #könig x you #mari.fic

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sihtricfedaraaahvicius · 1 month

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My EACON3 post is finally here... with all my photos.

I'll skip the trip and go straight to the con because I fear it's going to be a long one. I am not going into details about the panels and other things that went on, but mainly about my interactions with the guests as that's what the con is about, right? I am also probably forgetting a bunch of stuff, so I might add things later if I recall them again, and here and there I may remember things in a different order.

The con started friday evening, I had won tickets to the game night and let me tell you I was terrified and not prepared. On top of that I was exhausted from the trip and had shitty medication side effects too because I had swapped meds earlier that week. Yes, fuck my life.

To make all THAT worse, while I was waiting in line to enter the game room I got texts from my friends who were at the cocktail party with the guests and they told me Arnas had long(er) hair and some facial hair. It was over for me before it started (IYKYK)

Luckily his facial hair was minimal and his hair wasn't long enough for me to go insane, but still, the tone was set and I avoided him like the fucking plague for real

Let me first say that I didn't expect Arnas to recognise me to be fair, as it had been like, what, half a year since we met in Germany? We had a brief interaction on insta a few days before eacon tho and that had made me a little anxious that he might remember me, but I did not want to be delusional so I kept telling myself he simply wouldn't remember me (haha....)

For the game I was in a team with Eliza, Stefanie and Ossian. Eliza is the life of the party and made everyone introduce themselves in our group. For some reason people always struggle with my name, so I had to repeat my name like 5 times and the entire group eventually shouted my name back at me to get it right, which the whole room could more or less hear, and behold; I looked up and saw Arnas glanced my way and then I just knew for sure that he now knew it was me (and I stressed out)

The game itself was hilarious, we played the card game Werewolves and Eliza was simply so much fun, Stefanie was more quiet but so sweet and Ossian… fucking hell, me and Ossian became rivals real fast. He kept saying he didn't trust me (in the game) and felt I was suspicious, which led to him turning the whole group against me and being cast out (which was part of the game). Eventually it turned out that he was completely wrong about my character in the game and, well, I casted him out the next round in revenge. We were going at each other, lovingly, and he was 100% the biggest surprise of the weekend for me by how cool he was and I became an instant fan of him because of his personality. 10/10, cool dude!

Random note: at some part during the game I heard Arnas laugh so hard in his own group while our group tried to concentrate and I struggled not to burst in laughter because of that and it was rough.

When the game was over, Christian and Harry stopped by every group for a brief chat and wow; Christian, beautiful man irl?! He also photobombed my group photo we took afterwards. 10/10, lovely dude! and Harry was HILARIOUS. Did not expect, another 10/10!

After the game I left the room and literally walked past Arnas without looking at him because I just couldn't??? I was so nervous because of the stupid jokes I made to him since Germany, I just couldn't face him for some reason and my meds side effects made me want to hide (constant flushed cheeks, it's awful, even when I'm shivering cold) however, I felt bad about avoiding him because I worried then maybe he wondered why I didn't say hi when we clearly "knew each other" so to say but, well, I went to bed and called it a night.

Saturday morning was rough. I slept well, the meds side effects had lessened so I looked more decent (until later that day again ugh) and I had a selfie lounge ticket for 10am (that's no hour for selfies). I met up with @mrsarnasdelicious and we stuck together for the lounge.

James was the first to approach us, and he was incredibly lovely (and tall, wow). He asked us where we were from and was overall just super kind. We took a few photos and then he continued to the next people. 10/10!!

Then Stefanie came over and again, she is lovely and gooooooorgeous!! She told me she liked my dress as it had the shoulders cut out and she loved that it showed my tattoos. I can't remember what else we talked about unfortunately, but just know she was a pleasure to meet. 10/10, hope to meet her again!

Up next we had Mark! I was so excited to finally talk to him, because in Germany I only saw him during my duo photo op, and we couldn't really talk. I told him I was super excited about him being in the second season of Rogue Heroes and he was so enthusiastic I mentioned it that he rambled on about several things that happened on set when he was filming that season and my heart was so, so happy. I did truly have a hard time keeping up with him talking because of his accent. Mark also agreed that 10 in the morning was an ungodly hour for a selfie lounge and we felt both tired lmao. He's a whole 10/10!!

Eliza was next and she remembered me from the game night and I ended up telling her that I saw on her insta that she went to a Coldplay show in Sweden earlier that year, which I was supposed to go to as well, but I had to sell my tickets due to several reasons. We had a Coldplay fangirl moment and it was everything, I got to show her my several Coldplay tattoos as well and basically she's just a queen who hypes everyone up. Love her! We agreed that at the next Coldplay tour we'll be together at the show (I wish!) 10/10!!!!

Then we met Eysteinn!! My god!! No words. He is so sweet and shy and soft spoken, we absolutely vibed. We bonded over the fact that we both love to travel by train and really don't like travelling by plane. He loves to journal during his trips while I told him I love to read or just watch the scenery. Absolutely a blessing of a man! When I took our selfie I told him that I suck at taking selfies, and he said he has the same problem, so we just made the best of it together. 14/10, he's absolutely adorable.

The dreaded moment arrived…………… Arnas came up to us at this point and I had no chance of avoiding him anymore and all my bad jokes flashed before my eyes-

He greeted me with a happy 'Labas!' (Hi in Lithuanian) and he gave me a hug and I told him 'Laba diena' (good day) which he said was very good. Before I could say anything else he asked me where Danas was (long backstory to this, won't write that all here) I told him Danas did not want to join me to the con so he's back home. Arnas then went on a ramble about how he understood that, because he also wouldn't want to be in the same room with the guy his partner would have a crush on and also wondered why it's okay for women to have crushes, but boyfriends are not allowed to have crushes. I said 'I asked Danas several times who his crush is, but he always tells me he has none.'

Arnas was very pleased with himself here and said; 'haha, see, I totally tricked you into telling me I'm your crush, because I didn't know that.'

me: well *rolls eyes, lowkey shrug* (I believe at this point he "teased" @mrsarnasdelicious for a moment and girlie, you know you were rightfully flustered and it was cute, while I was left rather unphased by his remarks and I still believe that is why he began to rile you up hahaha)

Arnas then went on about the crushes problem in relationships and mentioned to me his gf would "not be happy" if he had a crush. He then somehow flipped the topic towards being obsessed with someone and I cut him off there saying; 'wow, but now you're implying I'm obsessed with you, and that is completely something else.'

Mans got put back in his place and apologised because he was totally blowing smoke up his own ass there (in his own words) and agreed that having a crush and being obsessed are two different things. And honestly the whole moment was chaotic and very surreal.

We also somehow ended up talking about other Lithuanian words and I told him I knew the word that means chicken, which he agreed was very important to know and we started saying 'chicken' in different languages, he then asked me what the French word was and we pondered for a second but I then remembered and it was rather wholesome and completely random????????

We finally got ready to take our selfie but then he wanted to record a video for Danas in Lithuanian. He started talking and I was like; 'what, no, I'm taking a photo?' He then said we could take a photo first but insisted on the video so yeah we made a video where he said some Lithuanian saying and yeah.. It was again very, very surreal. 10/10, still baffled he remembered me and Danas, who he has never met.

Up last we met Timothy and I told him I was very excited to meet him, because in Germany I was too broke to get a photo with him. We spoke about the German con and he said how surreal that con was because he had slept at the airport, arrived just in time, then at one point he went to the toilet and walked into William Shatner, which left him kinda starstruck, and he said 'it felt like I was in the upside down!' and then he apparently walked out of the toilets and walked into a Stranger Things cosplayer and he was about to lose his mind. Genuinely the most amazing anecdote of the weekend. Another 10/10!

Later that day I had polaroid photo ops, one with Eysteinn and one with Arnas. Eysteinn was once again lovely and asked if we should just pose cool, and well, see the result below.

The polaroid with Arnas was chaos again. For some reason he likes to say 'Sanneeeeee' when he sees me (vocal stim? perhaps. also he never struggled with my name, bless) so he did that, but I was exhausted from the whole day and couldn't hide it anymore while he was still high energy. He gave me a hug as I said I was so tired and we then cursed in Dutch at the same time. I asked if he knew anything else in my language and he proceeded to say in Dutch; 'what do you want?' and this left me shook: 'sleep tight, hot thing' (roughly translated). James then asked what language we spoke, we said Dutch, which James thought was cool and he got ready to take the photo. I asked Arnas how we should pose and he went 'should we do the Lithuanian anthem or is that too much?' I jokingly agreed it was too much and we both placed our hand on our heart and James said he loved the pose and told us to hold it. See the result below!

The panels I went to throughout the day were fun and I also met several super lovely people during the day like @whitedarkmoonflower, @bubblyabs (we hung out most of the con and again, bless you!) and also I met @sihtricsafin!

Later that day I was getting an autograph from Arnas and gave him the letters and art some people had sent to me, which he absolutely loved at first quick glance, and he said that his favorite con moment is actually after the con where he goes through the stuff that people have given him. He randomly told me he liked my necklace and I told him I actually got in in Vilnius at a fair earlier that year and he liked that, then asked me which fair it was but I told him I didn't remember. We then spoke a bit about Vilnius in general and it was great. When he saw the keychain that @thalygremlinsson made him (a gremlin with his mismatched eyes) he said he'd put it on his keychain and he also told me a random story how a firework flew into his home when he was a kid while he was playing with a gremlin toy??? I also have no idea besties. Anyway, we got to take another selfie again and…

Speaking about my friend @sihtricsafin… we joined each other in the autograph line for Arnas, and she had bought a recording of her autograph and asked me to film it, which I did, and well, the problems between me and Arnas then began. His handwriting was brought up and he remembered I messaged him as a reply to his story months ago that I thought his writing has not good enough to get tattooed (lighthearted) he agreed then and wrote he was happy I hadn't tattooed it, but apparently he was still "bitter" about that and we got it all on tape.

Also we found out he has never seen Nightmare Before Christmas and did not know who Jack Skellington was after asking my friend about the skull on her beanie (it was Jack), he then jokingly said something like that they didn't have a tv in Lithuania when he was younger.

Also found out he thinks Muse is a great band and he played Otherside by RHCP on his speaker at some point (bass player!Sihtric confirmed???)

Aaaand that was more or less the end of my saturday at the con!

Sunday was rough. I was very tired from the days before but we pulled through. The day started with a group panel and later that day I had a photo op with Arnas.

Mans absolutely looked me up and down when I approached him at the op and ngl, I am not attracted to Arnas in real life (unless he has the SKMD/Masema haircut and the facial hair) but that split second 100% affected me and left me bewildered for a sec LMAO

I had no idea how to pose, and he said 'oh, classic, Sanne,' (someone was still petty (jk)) and then we both just posed as if we had no clue what to do, but it turned out to look like we are a married couple in the verge of a divorce and I love it

@whitedarkmoonflower gave me an autograph ticket for Mark (as I gave her two selfie tickets so we kinda swapped) and Mark gives great hugs btw! He signed my book but the marker fucked up so I got the cover and the inside page signed by him. bless.

Later that day I had a selfie with Christian and one with Harry because they weren't at the selfie lounge on saturday. Harry was so kind and I wished him good luck with all his future projects and he really really appreciated that. He's so sweet! When I took my photo with Christian he said 'oh, great camera! Or do we just look good because we are two beautiful people?'

Now, I usually ignore compliments bc I suck with them, but I just said 'both,' because in that moment we were just two beautiful people taking a selfie. He said he loved my skull tattoo and that he considered getting a skull tattoo himself (something along those lines) which was really cool???

I then went to Eysteinn to get my polaroid signed, and he said he liked the photo and that we looked like a death metal band. I said I'm up for that and told him I can play drums, he then told me he can play piano and I said we could make that work, to which he smiled (god… that smile). He loves to give hugs, so I got one, and it was great!!

Okay… so, very last minute I decided to get my polaroid with Arnas signed and it was a shit show (positive). It started with the fact he mentioned he didn't like the Beatles (he was playing his own music on speaker again) except for one song and he then looked at me and said 'or is it because I am a snob?' I shrugged and said 'perhaps.' Big mistake. He was "offended" and said he thought he was amongst friends here. I snapped back and told him I heard from my friends the day before that he told them that I trash talk about his handwriting to everyone (something like that). He got defensive and said it wasn't true blahblahblah, we both didn't give up and (lovingly) argued about it. He then finally signed my polaroid and messed up (obviously with that handwriting) and he said that it was my fault (man child) and wrote a petty ass message on the polaroid (toddler). We then told each other (more quietly) that he wasn't talking bad about me and I told him I knew that, but it was sweet of him to clear up that he truly never intended to make something sound bad and I in my turn told him I understood that, and there was this mutual understanding that everything was just a joke but that bickering was rather intense, and I think we both felt the need to make sure we both knew this was never serious, which truly made me love his personality even more.

We ended on good terms and a hug, I told him good evening in Lithuanian and then left. And with that, the con got to an end too.

When I got home the next evening I had only stepped through the door and received a dm from Arnas with a photo of the postcard I gave him, indicating he had read my message to him and it was honestly the most perfect way to end that entire weekend. The timing was insane and I shed a tear!

Well then… if you are still reading this, damn, thank you! I hope you enjoyed this mess of a post and here are the photos. also yes I know, I have like one selfie face, I already said I suck at selfies...

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