Ti amo così
Sono raggomitolata sul divano dentro la coperta che avevi lasciato appositamente per me, perché sai bene quanto io sia freddolosa e quanto spesso io abbia freddo ai piedi.
Con la testa posata sulla tua spalla sto guardando con te un film d'animazione: l'incantesimo del lago.
Era un cartone che da piccola apprezzavo e quando avevo notato la disponibilità gratuita ti ho praticamente costretto a guardarlo.
So che non è proprio il tuo genere, ma tu pazientemente hai accettato pur di vedermi felice.
Ho sempre amato i film d'animazione, ovviamente da piccola perché erano storie, ora anche per il loro significato intrinseco.
Così, quando arriva la scena del primo incontro dei due protagonisti da adulti ed Odette, la protagonista femminile, chiede al suo principe se tutto quello che conta per lui è che lei sia bella ti guardo.
Ti accorgi subito del mio sguardo posato su di te e con fare indagatore mi scruti a tua volta, finché con voce calma e profonda mi dici: " lo sai che per me non sarà mai solo questo ciò che conta".
Non ho ancora capito come tu riesca a capire cosa io stia per chiederti prima ancora che io apra bocca,ma non mi dispiace che tu possa viaggiare sulla mia stessa lunghezza d'onda.
Mi accarezzi il viso con la tua mano calda e ciò mi fa accoccolare ancora di più nella coperta con la guancia posata sul palmo della tua mano.
Poi prosegui:" non sei solo un bel corpo, o un bel viso, anche se ammetto che mi piacciono molto entrambi" ridi e sai che dicendo questo arrossirò, ed infatti sono già rossa come un pomodoro mentre tu sorridi divertito. "Sei quella rughetta che ti spunta sulla fronte quando metti il broncio" , indichi il punto esatto col dito, "sei il piccolo cerbiatto spaurito dagli occhioni grandi" e mi guardi sorridendo "sei questo labbro tutto mangiucchiato perché quando sei nervosa non riesci a non mordere le piccole pellicine che ha ed alla fine lo colori tutto di rosso" dicendo questo mi accarezzi il labbro rotto con il polpastrello, "sei la luce che leggo nei tuoi occhi quando persegui i tuoi obiettivi, sei queste mani" e le prendi tra le tue "che tremano quando sei di fronte a un ingiustizia o sei molto triste; sei tutti i libri che affollano la libreria e che non ti stanchi mai di farmi leggere" sorridi "sei tutti questi graffi" mi osservi le mani e le braccia e le baci teneramente "perché fai giocare Moon anche quando sei stanca, senza lamentarti mai del fatto che ti graffi per arrampicarsi in cerca di coccole" sorrido pensando a quella piccola peste di un gatto.
"Sei tutte le lettere che mi scrivi quasi ogni giorno da che ti conosco" alludi a tutto il plico di buste, rilegate con un cordino rosso posate tra i libri "sei tutti i tuoi successi ed i tuoi errori buffi" ad entrambi scappa da ridere, so che ti riferisci al mio recente tentativo di usare la lavatrice mettendo insieme bianchi e colorati finendo per cambiare il colore della maggiorparte del tuo guardaroba. "sei tutto ciò che ti ha ferita e fatta sorridere, sei un piccolo mare caotico in cui non smetto di navigare."
A questo punto ho le lacrime agli occhi, sai che sono emotiva e mi commuovo per un nonnulla, intanto il film prosegue e non so nemmeno se siamo alla fine; posi il tuo sguardo su di me ed accompagnando con l'altra mano il mio viso a te mi baci asciugandomi le lacrime.
"Ti amo" ti dico quasi in un sussurro.
"Lo so" rispondi stringendomi tra le tue braccia.
-umi-no-onnanoko (@umi-no-onnanoko )
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I can’t explain what blue eye samurai makes me feel…….its a typical revenge story, a man sets out on his hero’s journey to kill the four men who have wronged him. A lone ronin, wide brimmed hat and sword in hand, roaming Edo Japan on his vendetta. But he’s not a man. He’s a woman. And how has he been wronged? What’s she getting revenge on?
On the fact that she exists. She wants revenge on the four white men that could possibly have conceived her. Who got her Japanese mother pregnant with a blue-eyed child. And not just any blue-eyed child, but a girl child. How is she possibly supposed to live in the world like that? For the wrong of being conceived, for the wrong of being born, for the wrong of being birthed into a world that will never love or accept her, she will kill her father.
I don’t know what level of convoluted self hate that is. Is she a child of rape? Or a child of a whore? Halfway through I realise what she told herself at the start couldn’t possibly be true - it’s not really for her mother. Her mother wasn’t the root of her vendetta, she wasn’t really doing it for her. When she leaves that farm and leaves the chance to live a simple, legitimate life as a woman, she goes right back to hunting down the men. Those men personally wronged her.
And then there’s so much to be discussed surrounding the way she grew up, because as a boy child and a man she can afford so much more than life has dealt her. Her swordfather who took her in out of the love and care in his heart had no shame in teaching a mixed man his art. The face of a ‘demon’ is fine. But not the identity of a woman. Shh. Don’t say it. Don’t confess. He knows and doesn’t want to hear it.
And because she’s lived that way her entire life for safety and security, she’s so completely alienated from being a woman, perhaps she really is he. But not really by choice. Or is it? The thing she does best is the art of killing, the art of men. Gender is a prison and gender is a performance and she has to choose which to perform. The times cannot reconcile hatred and violence with a woman. So she lives as a man.
So she can get revenge on her father, for revenge on herself.
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I've seen a lot of people talk about how the game doesn't give you any leeway when you play The Dark Urge, how it makes it very clear that Durge was A Bad Person, but I haven't seen it pointed out that Sceleritas seems VERY well versed in gaslighting the hell out of them and steering Durge away from any doubt or guilt in regards to their actions. Makes me think that they've probably had those types of conversations before because Durge actually always had a soft spot, only it got smaller and smaller in time. I have not had the opportunity to see the Heal cutscene yet, but I've got the butler in my camp now and he had some interesting things to say, like
[Durge: Can you tell me the worst thing I ever did?
Sceleritas Fel: There was one time you gave a beggar some coin while we were en route to the Devil's Fee.
Sceleritas Fel: You didn't kick him or spot on him or anything! I was so shocked I almost fainted!
Sceleritas Fel: I still have nightmares about it to this day. But I'm sure you only did so to lower the suspicions of the Flaming Fist. Surely?]
and it struck me because tossing a coin to a beggar is a bit of a thoughtless act isn't it? You don't put much thought into it, you just see someone in need and you do it. Out of empathy, generosity, something The Murder Incarnate should not be capable of. Sceleritas' uncertainty of Durge's reasoning for it totally convinces me it was NOT intentional. A simple act of kindness that slipped out.
ALSO
[Sceleritas Fel: The only way for a Butler to die is if we are not of use to our Master. But you have always needed abundant assistance.]
They always needed abundant assistance. Why? Because they kept slipping out of Bhaal's grasp? We know they did at least once, with Gortash. Maybe it was not the first time, maybe there are more "Letters of Forgiveness" tucked away somewhere.
To me pre-tadpole Durge is just terribly mindbroken and indoctrinated person hooked onto the sense of safety, purpose and acceptance of their dark side that the cultists and their father give them. Yeah they enjoy murder, gore and all that. That's the curse of their blood, but I don't think they were ever entirely consumed by it. Morality, guilt and empathy have always been there on the edge of their mind. Losing their memories (depending on player choices I know, but bear with me) was what they needed for them to be finally brought forward.
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the way i see it, colin has three options for handling the repercussions of kissing michael on the pitch in front of everyone:
gatekeep: by some miracle no one caught the kiss on camera so colin's sexuality is kept between him and any fans who happened to be on the pitch near him. the safest option.
girlboss: keeley gets the pr challenge of a lifetime handling the story of the first active premier league player to come out as gay. rebecca is tall and powerful and intimidating in the press room making it clear that richmond stands behind colin one thousand percent. the most realistic option.
gaslight: straight-up blatantly lying. not because he's ashamed or because he thinks he can actually convince anyone that the kiss didn't happen, but just because he refuses to let it be a big deal. acts like he has no idea what anyone is talking about if asked anything related to his sexuality. he doesn't claim to be straight, mind you, he just pretends to be extremely confused about why they're asking because he never kissed anyone in the middle of a football pitch at the end of an internationally-televised game? when presented with photo and video proof of the kiss he says that was some other richmond player named hughes who wears a number 12 jersey. you don't know him, he goes to another school. the funniest option.
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