#i was working on something completely different for prompt 1 but i got to coloring it and it was just NOT working out

[mangosaurus]

chaos theory darius you have to stop. you smoke too tough. your swag too different. your bitch is too bad. they'll hunt you ….

(puffy jacket snoopy redraw for prompt 1 of @campbenji's JWCT countdown - favorite character ♡)

#i was working on something completely different for prompt 1 but i got to coloring it and it was just NOT working out #so we have this puffy jacket darius instead <3 i drew him like 2 months ago i just threw in a background LOL #i Did try to emulate the style from this specific peanuts panel which meant the lines in the background came out really thick #idk how i feel about it! it was fun to do though :) #jwctcountdown #darius bowman #jurassic world chaos theory #jwct #chaos theory #mango art

[lovebugs-and-snakecharmers]

LBSC Sprint Challenge September 2023

The LBSC Sprint Challenge is now open for writers and artists! The prompts are:

1. Visual Prompt: Heart-shaped log 2. Things Luka finds in his hoodie pockets after Marinette borrows it 3. "No, you don't understand. I don't want you to fix it, I want you to teach me to fix it. It seems like something I should know how to do myself." 4. Luka always thought, when it came to Marinette, the one he had to worry about impressing was Tom. He never thought his biggest hurdle for Marinette's hand would be Kaalki. 5. Social media prompt (see below) 6. Wildcard - pick any of the prompts available from our sister blog, @mlweeklyprompts, or any previous challenge prompt.

You have until Wednesday, September 27 to complete your 3 15-minute sprints/45 minute art sprint and post the results. Once you’ve completed the sprints, you have 24 hours to edit (which can include some new writing to smooth transitions and make it feel complete, and whatever work you feel appropriate to get your art to a state you consider ‘finished’).

Please note you may sprint in the language of your choice, and you can either translate the final fic before posting, post it in the original language, or both as you choose. You can join us on the LBSC discord or sprint on your own! Just be sure to tag @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers in your final post so we will see it and reblog it. The rest of the rules can be found here under the cut. (Note: You are welcome to join the discord even if you are not participating in the sprint challenge. Participation is not a requirement.)

Rules!

We’ll post a beginning and end date to the challenge, and a prompt.

Writers, If you choose to participate in the event, write for that prompt in up to three 15 minute sprints. No writing outside the sprints until you have completed all three! After the 3 sprints are complete, you have 24 hours to edit (which can include some new writing to smooth transitions, etc). You can also choose to break that 45 minutes up differently if you find a different split works better for you.  After those 24 hours, post what you’ve got. Tag your posts with @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers so we can reblog it to the LBSC blog. If you post your work on AO3 or somewhere other than Tumblr, you can leave a link in our ask box or in the appropriate discord channel so we can be sure to promote it. After the designated challenge end date, we’ll compile a listing of the submissions and post it to the LBSC blog.

Feel free to sprint in whatever language is most comfortable to you! You can post it in your own language or translate it before posting, or both!

Artists, you have 45 minutes to sketch and 24 hours to do any cleanup or coloring you’d like to complete. You can split your 45 minutes up however you like, or not at all. There’s no requirements on your finished piece, just aim for whatever goal seems challenging but achievable to you.  Tag your posts with @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers so we can reblog it to the LBSC blog. If you post your work on Instagram or somewhere other than Tumblr, you can leave a link in our ask box or in the appropriate discord channel so we can be sure to promote it. After the designated challenge end date, we’ll compile a listing of the submissions and post it to the LBSC blog.

If you’re wavering as to whether or not you think you can accomplish anything in 45 minutes, we really encourage you to give the challenge a try. You may be surprised what you can do! Feel free to join us in the discord linked above so we can encourage and cheer you on.

Obviously, this has to run a bit on the honor system and we won’t be tracking your times, but please do your best to honor the spirit of the challenge! If your sprint fic becomes an Entire Thing (these things happen sometimes) and you want to continue it, feel free! However, please still post whatever you’ve got after your 3 sprints with the tag. No fair busting out a fully polished fic or art without showing us what it looked like at the challenge stage!

We want to keep this a positive space and event! This does NOT mean that you can’t write or draw anything critical of a character or episode, but it isn’t the space for character bashing or hate either. Please keep the characters in character and save the more speculative work for another time. NSFW sprint works are permitted but must be tagged appropriately (please use “NSFW LBSC sprint challenge” for easy filtering on the blog) and with appropriate warnings.  (More FAQ about the process here)

This is a Lukanette blog and a Lukanette event, so while Lukanette does not need to be the main ship, it needs to at least be included or referenced and considered endgame (in other words, they don’t have to be together by the end of your work, but the intent is that they’re headed in that direction). The decision about what qualifies for reblog rests solely with the LBSC moderators. If a piece hasn’t been reblogged within a couple of days, either the mods felt the piece didn’t meet the criteria or it was simply missed; you are welcome to reach out in the asks to inquire which. There are plenty of other spaces out there for other ships and OT3s, and people are welcome to use the challenge rules and prompts to write for their own ships! They just won’t be reblogged to the LBSC blog, and we ask that you please not use the event tag (a modified form is fine - “InsertAlternateShipName sprint challenge” instead of “LBSC sprint challenge,” for example).

Happy sprinting!

#lbsc sprint challenge #lukanette #endgame lukanette #lukanette endgame #luka couffaine #marinette dupain cheng #pro lukamari

[patstevens5]

Attendance Prompt, Secrete Lives of Color page 82. “In its glittering natural form, which was thought to resemble gold, it was one of the mineral pigments and one of two yellows, along with ocher, used in ancient Egyptian art.” This quote from the passage made me wonder what colors I associate with what and so on, I would simply never see any color and associate it with mineral pigments or ancient Egyptian art despite maybe that being it’s true origin. I would be far more inclined to see a yellowish gold color and think of the Pittsburgh Steelers or WVU or the 49ers. It’s interesting to think of how each of us could be looking at the same color and thinking of two completely different things.

1. The animal I incorporated into my drawing was a whitetail deer. Growing up, hunting and fishing is something basically everyone lives and dies for in my town. We had the first day of deer season off of school as it was basically a holiday. I spend a lot of my time in the fall and winter chasing these beautiful creatures as I learn their habits and schedules hoping for the opportunity to be able to harvest a mature deer.

2. Fall for me means college football and deer season as I don’t get to amped up for any of the Halloween festivities. It’s gotta be one of my least favorite holidays but with that being said nothing beats a chilly night around a fire with my best friends listening to country music legends like Jason Aldean, Luke Bryan, Zach Bryan, Luke Combs and more.

3. I was born on August 16th, 2001, exactly 26 days before our country changed forever. My mom was from Long Island and went to an all girls school in NYC before coming to college at Bonas where she met my dad. My grandfather was a NYC fireman for 30+ years. On the day that I was born they rushed to Meadville and stayed for a week or so but then had to go back home for a little while. On September 10th they got in the car and drove back to Meadville meaning my grandfather wasn’t going to work the following few days. On September 11th our country changed for ever and despite me not only being a month old that idea of patriotism is forever bedded in my roots.

4. “Take it easy, take it easy, don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy” is a line from the Eagles hit song “Take it Easy” that always stands out to me. I think it today world people are always so caught up in their little problems and road bumps in life that they let things change the outcome of their days and really affect them. I’m as easy going as it gets and you really couldn’t ruin my day if you tried. Nothing in life is worth getting upset over to a point where it drastically changes your mood or day, just take it easy and everything will always work itself out.

#Youtube

[recurring-polynya]

Writing Update/Art Update 5/9/2023

Many things happened last week. Not very many of them were drawing. I'll get back to that.

I have finally started posting the big (it's not really big. Medium-big. It just felt big) fanfic that I have working on for most of the year. You can start here if you want to read it, Chapters 1-3 are currently available.

I finished the smut. I had mostly finished it by Friday, but then we had a belated-because-we-were-waiting-for-spring-weather backyard birthday party for my daughter this past weekend, so I had to spend a solid 48 hours in the paralyzing deathgrip of anxiety at the prospect of socializing with people I don't know (the parents of some of my daughter's classmates), so I didn't get much of anything else done, although I did clean my house and buy a bunch of hot dogs.

I only got one doodle done this week, which took me three days, spread out over the anxiety deathgrip, but I'm pretty pleased with how it came out. I really would like to start on a more serious project this week, but I may get back to them, we'll see how it goes. I do want to thank everyone who sent in prompts, and I'm sorry I haven't gotten to more of them. Turns out I'm real bad at doing quick, fast-turnaround doodles! Is anyone surprised??

After that, like, I said, I finished up the porno. I was hoping to post it yesterday, but it was pretty late at night by the time I finished my editing sweep. Today was a go places posting day and I didn't really want to post two different fanfics in one day, plus I had made kind of a lot of edits, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to let it sit a day and then do another sweep before posting. In other words, tomorrow, probably.

This morning, I re-read what I've gotten written so far of Ductwork, which is the working title of the next story in the Heart is a Muscle. It's 7707 words at the moment, and I get hot mad every time I read it because I want there to be more of it, and unfortunately, there is only one way to make that happen. But it's gonna!! I keep telling myself that it was really worthwhile to have taken the time to write go places first, because Ductwork is largely about Rukia and Renji finally digging down into a lot of festering insecurities from that time in their afterlives. I have a couple different approaches to writing these days, and I'm gonna try to do the thing that ended up working for go places, which is 1) try to write something every day, 2) chronological schmonological, write whatever I can possibily come up with, I'll just cram it all together at the end, this was very fun and easy last time and definitely did not take six drafts and a color-coded spreadsheet. Based on past experience, I do not think I am going to be able to power through to completion, so my goal is to add at least 20k words to the thing before I flame out in a blaze of beautiful depression and spend the rest of the summer on something insane, like bringing back the Soul Society Tattoo Artist AU. My overall prediction is that it will be around 60k, but I'm not discounting the possibility that it could be another 100k-er. (it better not go over 120k tho, I will die for real)

Anyway, that was my week! Whew!

#writing update #art update

[galionne-diging]

You were asking for Arukenimon/Mummymon prompts? Well here's some - 1. The duo meet their alternate universe counterparts (y'know, X-Evolution and Ghost Game for Mumm, Survive and Ghost Game for Aru). 2. An AU take on their relationship, where their feelings for each other are inverted (i.e. she's head over heels in love with him, he's far less interested) 3. An AU where everything's the same, except Aru's a guy and Mumm's a girl (but NO abuse!)

Oh thank you so much! These are all so good!

I'm going to do just one for now and save the others for later (otherwise this will take forever) ; but know that I already have something written down for each prompt!

Linen Fascination

(Mummymon & Archnemon's relationship- reversed)

A cloud of dust followed the buggy as it roared through the empty, deserted landscape. Nothing stood on the horizon for miles except for the occasional cacti and dried up bushes dotted here and there. There was no road ; not even a cleared out path to follow. Mummymon had to remain completely focused on his surroundings to avoid potholes and rocks sticking out of the arid ground. As a result, it took him a little longer than usual to notice the movement on his left- until a face framed by delicate silver-gray hair appeared in his field of view.

Arukenimon’s face crept closer and closer, to her companion’s annoyance. Mummymon rolled his eyes. She rested her chin on his arm, looking up at him, grinning.

“-Put your seatbelt back on, the man in blue sighed, If something happens to you, Oikawa will have my hide.

-I’m not scared of him, she teased playfully, If he gets mad I can protect you, you know.

-Seatbelt.

-Hm… And what if I don’t want to?”

Arukenimon watched as Mummymon lifted his right hand without looking at her, keeping his eye on the road and his left hand firmly on the steering wheel. Before she could say anything, two linen wrappings shot from the inside of her driver’s sleeve with such force it pushed her back against her seat. She felt them wrap around her upper-chest and shoulders and slip behind her seat, effectively tying her down. She let out a cry of surprise- followed by a loud and dramatic huff.

"Ugh, you're so mean…”

She gave an almost comical pout- one which unfortunately went ignored by her target. When she realized she was not going to garner any reaction from him she resorted to removing the wrapping herself ; groaning and twisting in her seat until it finally slid off. She clutched the linen in her hand and looked over at Mummymon- and couldn’t help the grin that reappeared on her face.

There was something… Exhilarating about him.

She couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Maybe it was many different things. Maybe it was just one. All she knew for certain was that she loved him.

She wished she got to see his face more. He always hid it under his hat and behind his tall collar, upset at how inhuman it looked. Ashamed, even.

She didn't understand.

His face had always captivated her.

She loved the sharpness of his teeth and the way they rested so delicately over his lips. She loved his eye, golden with gentle specks of amber, piercing her with a stare she had never seen from any human. She loved the color of his skin, dark gray like a rolling storm.

He didn’t need to look “human”.

“Human” was nothing. “Human” was boring. “Human” was Oikawa, their boss, a pathetic man who only knew to sulk and yell orders and be upset. Mummymon was so much more than that… She always admired his devotion to their work. The cool temper that allowed him to keep a clear head no matter the situation. His will to push forward. Even the way he kept her at a distance gave him a kind of mysterious charm she could never get enough of. It was like a game ; one she had to win before he drove her mad…

“We need to find BlackWarGreymon quickly, before he throws another tantrum like the child he is…” Mummymon sighed irritably.

Arukenimon hummed playfully and leaned towards him again, earning a groan and a huff from her companion. She nestled comfortably against him (or at least as close as the seatbelt allowed) and rested her head over his shoulder. She brought two fingers above his arm and pressed them down, slowly ; ever so slowly in a pretend strut over the blue fabric of his coat.

“Mmh… I know BlackWarGreymon is quite the handful, but he's still important to us, don't you think?"

Mummymon paused for a moment, thinking. After a moment he nodded. Arukenimon grinned.

"-You're right… He's a strong Digimon, if we can regain control over him we could-

-We made him together!"

Oh. Right. That’s what she meant…

“-You made him, I had nothing to do with-

-We made him together. We created him, we gave him life… When you think about it, we’re just like parents to him… He’s not just any child, he’s our-

-I hate children.” he cut her off dryly before she could finish her nonsensical rambling.

Arukenimon was so taken aback by his tone that she fell silent. Then again, she didn’t know what else she was expecting from him…

She let out another dramatic sigh and slouched back into her seat.

Right, she had to win the game before he drove her mad…

It was just a shame she wasn't very good at said game.

#digiwriting #i'm a bit rusty but this is a good warmup! #thank you again for the prompts anon! #i'll be sure to work on the rest! #arukenimon #archnemon #mummymon #mummyaru #arumummy

[curiouselleth]

For the ask game: 11, 36, 42, & 48?

Hello! Thanks for the ask anon!

11. favorite extracurricular activity?

Ooh that’s a good one, I’m not in it anymore (because I graduated!) but VAC, Visual Arts Classic. (Apologies in advance for the long explanation it’s just so fun!) it’s a Art competition, and it’s like this; every year there’s a different theme, last year it was texture, and you choose a category like drawing, painting, personal adornment, etc (there’s more then a dozen categories!) and you get a long term print that you have like 3 months to “answer”. This last year I did personal adornment, and my prompt was to make clothing for a original character from my favorite book, movie, or play, and there are certain materials that you can or can’t use. I made a elven warrior costume from the Silmarillion, basically the character was Elronds cousin and I worked in sindar and noldor colors and motifs and such. Then in January, I think it was? you have the regional competition where you bring your long term to be judged, and you receive a on site prompt in the same category that you have 2 1/2 hours to complete, like making jewelry for your character. Then you compete as a team in a quiz bowl about some artists or art styles, and then they recently brought back critical thinking, we had a hour to make a finger painting (minimum size of like 4ft by 4ft) of our coach - our art teacher. Then teams are scored as a group and there’s individual awards, if you team got first in anything you all go to state for that, and if you individually got first with your long term or on site you go to state for that (I got first for my long term and on site so I did!)

Then a few months later you bring your same long term to state to be judged again, and you get a new on site prompt, this time it was making something your character could hold, I tried making a dagger for the first time with a technique I’d saw 2 months ago, it went kinda okay? But I got first in my on site (small miracle 😂) and a perfect score on my long term! It’s just so much fun and you miss a day of school so.

36. how many times have you changed your url?

I haven’t actually, I either change my username in things a million times or never. I still like this one so it’ll probably be staying for a while.

42. an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

Discord, for my d&d groups and the Last Homely server (if any of you are seeing this I love you guys! 💖), which is a Tolkien server, mostly for various Tolkien rock operas. Besides discord I don’t have many fun apps that I use a lot, but I do have WTForecast, which is a fun weather app that likes to swear about how it is outside.

48. when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

I actually haven’t, I’ve been offered some a plenty of times, and I’m just not interested in drinking. Although my mom makes a good tiramisu that has alcohol in it, and I sometimes have the non alcoholic versions of things lol. Honestly I’m glad I don’t go to many big parties where they drink a lot, because I don’t want to deal with the questions, and underage drinking, really drinking in general, is very big in my state.

Thanks again for the asks!!!

#ask game #ask #asks #weirder asks

[trans-rights-adam-jensen]

1, 12, 15, 25 for Finch!

Long and mild? NSFW? Not really, like on a level of dick drawings in bathrooms kind of NSFW.

What’s the lie your character says most often?

Cop-out answer: "I'm not a people person" lol

A more interesting answer: "Don't worry about me."  Finch does very much want to be worried about; they want to be loved and missed and thought of.

What’s something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!

Ok, context: so at some point while Jensen was out on a mission, he sent Finch a picture of some spilled fast food on the sidewalk, like a foil-wrapped half eaten burrito, that looked vaguely phallic-shaped and captioned it "found your dick lol".  Finch replied with "Oh shit that's where I dropped it.  Grab it for me, will you?" as a joke.  

Jensen, in the most annoying older brother way possible, literally brought it back with him in a plastic bag and tossed it into Finley's lap when he got back home, prompting them to screech at the ridiculousness and also vague grossness of even sealed food garbage.  

Since then, any time any of them get foil-wrapped food, Jensen will crunch it up into a dick shape and hand it to Finch.  Without fail, they end up on the floor wheezing.  

Jensen's foil sculpting has slowly become better to the point that he will occasionally take  absurd artistic liberties, which only makes Finley laugh even harder.  

What’s the most obvious difference between their behavior at home, at work, at school, with friends, and when they’re alone?

So in contrast to everyone's favorite Secret-Self-Loathing trope, Finch is a lot gentler to themselves when they're alone.  They self-deprecate less, they don't police their own behavior, they actually take fairly good care of themselves.  

Finch's "jobs" during and post WRH is.  Complicated, so I'll just stick with generally "in public" around people they don't consider friends.  Finley doesn't especially seem to give a shit about strangers; they ignore them for the most part, but internally, their self-image and general demeanor are harshly critical, for a myriad of reasons.  While after leaving UAAE their mental health improves drastically, they are still not friendly and will default to being kind of mean if they feel like someone's bugging them purposefully, or does something disagreeable. 

They also struggle very much with being looked at: a few times in WRH it's mentioned that they were uncomfortable with eyes on them.  Even though they aren't making eye *contact*, they still hate being stared at, and it's extremely draining.  If they're at the store and nobody is paying attention to them, they can navigate being around strangers with just "typical" levels of extra spoon/energy drain, but if they're Looked At as in for interviews, introductions, stopped by passersby, then they rapidly tire and may stim more dramatically, sometimes with their full body or close to it.  The scene where Jensen thanks them for finding the hellebore in his shoulder, and the fight at Sardonyx kind of capture this, though Finch is especially aggravated in the latter given the literal physical threat.

Among friends: Finch is more considerate with their favorite people, and eventually they get to a point where they feel they can joke with Malik and Pritchard, but they're not often openly affectionate with them; they show closeness via references and CONSTANT jokes. 

Jensen, and eventually a little bit Rey, recieve a very rare degree of trust and affection from Finley.  Those two are the only people Finch will really let hug them, or that they themselves will hug--excepting if they feel they need to reach out to a distressed friend.  Finch is extremely relaxed around Jensen in particular, similar to how they behave when alone.  

What subject / topic do they know a lot about that’s completely useless to the direct plot?

Oh boy!  This is a fun question.  Finch got really, really into color hex codes after discovering them in a middle school art class.  Do not ask them what color something is unless you are prepared for a DEEP DIVE.  They also like sewing and computerized weaving and knitting machines--and by extension can tell you Too Much about a particular piece of fabric.  (it is not plot relevant, as specified, so I have not researched these, please don't ask me about them, I do not know SHIT lmfao)

#finley argent jones #ask #oc ask #beth <3 <3 <3 #finch #wrh

[polizwrites]

WIP Update - 21 Sep 2022

A somewhat productive week  - I touched 5 fics (2 WIPs & 3 new works) for a total of  1922 words.  

I posted a Clint & Tony one shot (previously shared on Tumblr) for a TSB square, contributed to a Round Robin during the BBB Discord party and posted a fill for last week’s  @flashfictionfridayofficial that also  filled SRB and MWAPB squares. 

I’m up to 14 active WIPs  (with a couple of maybe TBCs)  with my current   deadlines being  the Stuckony Summer Stockings and @suck-tember.

See below cut for the WIPs  (arranged more or less by bingos/challenges/etc) I am working on  -   feel free to send me prompts or plot bunnies as well as asks regarding any of these projects   (or any other WIPs I’ve got out there) – they really help feed the Muse and keep me motivated!

Stuckony Summer Stockings [due 25 Sep]

This fun gift event (run by the  @stb-bingo mods) lets you share prompts for others to fill.  There’s an initial anonymous reveal on October 1st, then the creator names will be revealed on the 8th. Prompt submission is closed, but if you have a hankering to write something Stucky|Stony|WinterIron|Stuckony-oriented as a gift, check out the list of prompts!  (and yes, I have a couple of prompts in there…)

I wrote a quickie Stuckony smutfic (Sexy Shield-nanigans) that is coming in at 583 words - I may tweak it a bit before I post.  

I also wrote a  domestic fluff WinterIron kidfic with potential Stuckony (Color Our World)  that has been posted to the event - it came in at 1374 words.  

Suck-tember [ Runs thru 30 Sep]

As you might guess from the name,  @suck-tember  is a writing event focused on oral gratification.   I read through the list of prompts and decided to try to combine a few with my bingo squares.  I’ve posted 1 so far  (Day 2: Swollen) and would like to try for 1 or 2 more - maybe the alternate dialog prompts? Here they are if anyone would like to throw me a pairing/plot bunny:

A. “How does it taste?” B. “Have you done this before?” C. “What are you waiting for?” D. “Take a deep breath.” E. “You look so pretty like this.” F. “Open wide.”

Reforged - A WinterIron Zine [Deadline 12 Nov]

I got accepted to submit a  1k-3.5k fic for this project, and have submitted a basic idea & completed my first checkin.    Am poking at it little by little; it’s sitting at  2531 words - so over two-thirds done word-wise.   Plot wise? That’s still TBD…  I have very broad strokes in mind that are going to be tricky to get done in the words I have left…   :: eek::  Got some good feedback from the @reforgedzine   mods that I need to respond to - much appreciated!  

Avengers Bingo [AvB] (Runs thru 24 Dec)

Seven fills posted and 0 WIPs - I decided to further challenge myself on this 16-square card by pairing up each square with a unique combo of 2 original MCU Avengers, with the final square being PolyVengers. With the help of the STB Enthusiasts Discord folks - I’ve got all 16 squares  planned out, at least in terms of who to write about, and half of them have some sort of idea or crossover square to go along with them. Feel free to toss other plot  bunnies my way…  

* A3 - Reunited  -  posted  Making a Different Call  - an Endgame-compliant Natasha POV retelling of reuniting with Clint.  It  came in at  364 words.

* B1 - Death - thanks to last week’s  Flash Fiction Friday prompt  [#FFF168 Sleepless Nights],  I put together Moments Where the Words Don’t Reach  - a short Steve POV  piece set post  A:IW that also combines my SRB Bruce Banner and MWAPB Crying squares.  It came in at 544 words and will be posted to Ao3 sometime in the next week or two.  

* B3 - Road Trip  -  Bruce & Thor  - Post Grandmaster, pre-Thanos  space shenanigans

* B4 - Age Gap   - Thor/Tony - possible crossover with TSB One Night Stand  (obvious title: Thunderstruck)

* C1 - Opposites Attract - Clint/Thor  - there was a fun Tumblr  headcanon going around about a Bumbling Foreigner whose ignorance of  local customs  results in him flirting with/proposing to the prince -  this seems like a perfect matchup!  

* C3 - Reincarnation AU  -  Natasha & Tony  - post-Endgame.  

* D1 - Friends w/ Benefits  - Clint/Steve - crossover with MWAPB Hawkeye/Clint Barton and possibly SRB - Never Have I Ever

* D2 - Romeo & Juliet AU  -  basic idea:  Steve (jock) & Tony  (geek) trying out for title roles in R&J - despite their respective  FWB groups thinking it’s a terrible idea.  Title:  Two Polycules, Alike in Dignity

*  D3 - Bed Sharing  -  Bruce/Natasha - AoU compliant.

Man With a Plan (Steve Rogers) Bingo [MWAPB] (Runs thru 31 Dec)

Ten fills, 0 WIPs and several Vague Ideas/potential cross fills with other bingos.  Prompts cheerfully accepted!  

* B3 - Farmer’s Market  - now looking at a crossover with TSB Doing Groceries. Moodboard + ficlet?

* B4 - Powerless AU  - if Sunqueen and I decide to continue   Wrong Number, Right Call ,  this would be a good fit.  

* I1 - Steve is here for TFAtWS  - this might go well with my BBB  “Oh, hell no"  square - Steve trolling  Bucky & Sam by sending the old man in with his shield?  (moodboard & ficlet?)

* I5 - Dogsitting - possible crossover with  BBB “Run”  square - Steve & Bucky dogsitting for Lucky?  (moodboard + ficlet)

* N1 - School AU/Teacher AU  - if I decide to continue on with Technicalities   - I could fill this square  :: ponders::

* N3 - Online shopping - this might be fun as a crossover with BBB Thighs  Sam buys a revealing swimsuit for Bucky as a gag that gets Steve in a tizzy.

* N4 - Soulmates -  got inspired by a dream to start a Stucky fantasy AU (magician!Steve/ensorcelled!Bucky) that @bill-longbow  is collaborating on with me.  This will also fill my Stucky Bingo AU: Supernatural square.  We’re currently sitting at 1640 words  (984-ish of which are mine). Current Last Line:  "My men will accompany you back to Brookline in the morning.”

* G4 - Canon Divergence post CA:TWS - possible  crossover with BBB  Kill List – Bucky wreaking havoc on Hydra bases and  Steve & Sam catch up with him

* G5 - Friends to Lovers -  might use this for Chapter 3 of Mutual Pinning

* O1 - Crying - see AvB Death square above

*  O2 - Sex Pollen  -  Teenage Groot pollen =  aphrodisiac  hi-jinks. Quill & Gamora  warn the  couple (stucky)/throuple (Stuckony)  ahead of time, so no  dub-con.

* O3 - Hawkeye/Clint Barton  -  see AvB - Friends w/ Benefits  above.

StarkBucks Bingo - Round 3  (SBB_R3) - Ends 31 Dec

5 fills, 1 WIPs and several Vague Ideas - soliciting plot bunnies or other kick-starters.

* B1 - “I wouldn’t mind wasting my time on you.“  - Possible crossover with  BBB - KINK: Seduction Mission?  

* B3 - AU: Canon Divergence - probable crossover with TSB Endgame FixIt  

* I2 - Mistaken Identity - crossover with TSB K5 - Protectiveness -  “The Mechanic, The Soldier & The Artist” - mob/assassin AU with a Mr. & Mrs. Smith twist?  

* I4 - Canon: Avengers Academy  - will probably do Stuffed Marvels sketches of Tony and Winter, as I know very little about the game/canon. ��

* I5 - Matchmaker Bots - possible crossover with TSB Occupational Hazard

* N2 - Blanket - Thanks to the July BBB Discord party , I have an idea for combining this with my TSB   AU: College square and BBB Funeral square.

* G3 - “This might as well happen.” Going to see if I can squish this into a Stucky –> Stuckony spur-of-the-moment threesome fic inspired by a series of posts with @needyoucap over on the STB Enthusiasts Discord server that in turn led to their WIP  Steve & Bucky’s Sexy Bucket List.  My version (alternating POV)  is sitting at  1049 words and will also fill my TSB square  Hindsight.  

* O1 - Royalty - crossover with TSB - IronWidow  &  BBB   AU: Arranged Marriage -  pick Lady Natasha’s Consort and Lord Steve’s Companion  back up?

* O6 - AU: Biker  - Grease 2  fusion  anyone?  😁  I watched the movie a couple of weeks ago and took notes -  It’s not gonna be a faithful adaptation, but hopefully fun - tho am having a tough time deciding who is Michael (probably Bucky, tho a case could be made for Tony)

Hero Hardships Bingo  [HHB]  (Runs thru 31 Dec)

One fill so far  with a few Vague Ideas …

* I3 - Unimaginable Grief  – I‘m thinking an post-Endgame Rhodey POV would work nicely here…

* N5 - Forgetting who you are because of who you’re expected to be - This fit quite nicely with Chapter 5 (Tony POV) of Flawed Hypothesis, which posted last Friday.  Chapter 6 (Steve POV) is  in progress at  around 984 words.   Current Last Line:  “Steve, Bucky – I can’t be your omega.

* O3 - Dating a civilian -  this would fit perfectly with another chapter of Takin’ What They’re Givin’ (‘Cause I’m Workin’ for a Livin’) , for which I currently have a basic plot point or two rolling around in my head.

Bucky Barnes Bingo - Round 4 [BBB_R4] (Runs thru 7 Jan 2023)

Ten fills,  four WIPs  & ideas for everything except one square  - Working on a Column B bingo to start.

* B2 - Funeral - see SBB N2 - Blanket  above

* B3 - Sam Wilson|Falcon - this would be a good candidate for a continuation of After One Or Two False Starts

* U2 - AU: Roommate  - Still wanting to use the Meet Ugly prompt: 02. I bought a house three months ago but I’m finally moving in and discover you’ve been squatting because you’re homeless    – probably WinterHawk with  recovering!Bucky being the squatter in Clint’s apartment building.  

* U4 - AU: Arranged Marriage - will probably pick Lady Natasha’s Consort and Lord Steve’s Companion  back up for this one.  

* U5 - Kill List -  see MWAP  - G4 - Canon Divergence.  Post CA:TWS above

* C2 - “Oh, hell no” - possible crossover with MWAP I1 - Steve is here for TFaWS

* C4 - KINK: Aftercare -  possibly MWAP Sex Pollen or  TSB KINK: Concubine

*C5 - “This might as well happen” -  Used this for the Sept BBB Round Robin  (crackfic - Emperor’s New Groove inspired)   - not sure if/when it will post,  but will add a link when it does.   😁

* K1 - Thighs - combined this with with SRB Game Night  and HHB Hiding Discomfort for a 3 Prompts --> Summary game  that I may turn into a BarberShop Quartet (Steve/Bucky/Natasha/Sam) ficlet.  (tho the HHB prompt will probably get saved for Whumptober, if I participate)

* K2 - Comics - sew the  Stuffed Marvel Classic Comics Bucky Barnes I drew up for Bucky’s birthday.  

* K3 - KINK: Edging  - crossing over with TSB KINK: Orgasm Denial/Edging & I finally got a start on the WinterIron PWP for this (Bucky POV with toy play and Tony as a power bottom)  Hanging by a Moment is sitting at 96 words at the moment.

* Y2 - Never the fall that kills you -  this might be the title for a reverse hanahaki WinterIron prompt from @lacrimula-falsa ….  

* Y3 - “Run”  -  see MWAP I5 - Dogsitting above.

* Y4 - KINK: Seduction Mission - crossover with SBB - B1 - “I wouldn’t mind wasting my time on you.”  

* ADOPTED1 - Peggy Carter -  potential WW3some shenanigans ahead - another 3 prompts --> Summary inspiration that may work with the SRB  A4 - Touch Attention/Denial  square - 395 words into a  Peggy & Bucky conversation at the moment.  

Steve Rogers Bingo - Round 2  (SRB_R2) - Ends 31 Jan

Ten fills posted  – happily accepting plot bunnies here as well.  

* A1 - Never Have I Ever -  see AvB  Friends with Benefits

* A4 - Touch Attention/Denial  - See BBB Peggy Carter square?

* B2 - Mile High Club -  this seems made for Stony sexy shenanigans…

* B3 - Bruce Banner -  see AvB  Death above.

* C1 - Arranged Marriage - see SBB Royalty square  - remix/Part 2?

* E2 - Comics Nomad Steve  - SWC sketch of Nomad!Steve

Tony Stark Bingo - Round 6  (TSB_R6)  [Ends 28 Feb]

Four fills and 1 WIP at the moment -    with about a dozen Vague Ideas.

* T1 - One Night Stand - see AvB - B4 - Age Gap

* T2 - Doing Groceries - see MWAP B3 - Farmer’s Market

* T3 - Pepper Potts/Rescue -  remix of sabrecmc’s  Indecent Proposal

* T4 - KINK: Concubine - possible crossover with   BBB C4 - KINK: Aftercare?

* A4 - AU: College - see SBB N2 - Blanket

* R2 - IronWidow -  next chapter of Lady Natasha’s Consort and Lord Steve’s Companion ?

* R4 - Occupational Hazard - see SBB I5 - Matchmaker Bots

* K1 - Endgame Fix-It  - see SBB B3 - AU: Canon Divergence

* K2 - Secret Admirer -  carried this over from last round so I could try my hand a remix of Seeds of Love  (WinterIron hanahaki fic by the super-talented @hddnone).  Potential title:  Wraps Around My Heart, Refusing to Unwind

* K3 - KINK: Orgasm Denial/Edging -  see BBB KINK: Edging  

* K5 - Protectiveness -  see SBB Mistaken Identity

Stucky Bingo Round Four [SB_R4] (Ends 31 May 2023

Two fills and one WIP with a couple of other vague ides.

* O4 - AU: Supernatural - see MWAPB Soulmates  above.

I also adopted the Writing Format: Remix one of your fics  – am thinking of taking one of my Stony or WinterIron  No Powers fics and adapting it to a Stucky pairing – if you have any requests - hit me up!  

WinterIron - No Powers AU  –  Stony No Powers AU

————

On other creative fronts:  I have a  Mister Lobo Stuffed With Character figure on deck. Am also gearing up for a classic monster/horror con in October and a  superhero con in March - so am focused on building up stock for both.  Plus I have to make space for Marvel Trumps Hate -  just signed up earlier this week! 

if  you’re looking for one of a kind gifts for the holiday season, check  out Stuffed With Character   over on Facebook for a full list of my designs (now over 80!).   They’re  mostly Marvel and monsters, but I have some Star Wars, Star Trek, DC   and Disney figures as well. Plus I love to take custom design  requests  for any fandom!

#writing stuff #WIP Update #WIP Wednesday #Shameless Self Promo

[writteninsunshine]

Lily Of The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death - Fizzarolli/Asmodeus - SFWish

Title: Lily Of The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death

Author: Keith

Fandom: Helluva Boss

Setting: Ozzie’s House

Pairing: Fizzarolli/Asmodeus | Ozzie

Characters: Fizzarolli, Asmodeus | Ozzie

Genre: Romance

Rating: M

Chapters: 1/1

Word Count: 2061

Type Of Work: One-Shot, Day 19 Of 30 Days Of Fizzarozzie

Status: Complete

Warnings: Gay, Slash, Yaoi, MLM, Established Relationship, AU - Canon Divergent, Post Love Confession, Fizzarolli Really Went “I’m Gonna Be A Pretentious Ass Because I Put A Lot Of Effort Into A Thoughtful Gift”, Blasphemy, Blaspheming, Sexual Situations, Ozzie Can’t Handle Genuine Emotion Without Turning It Back To Sex, Philophobia, Fear Of Love

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything.

Summary: Out of all of the flowers in the human world or otherwise, Ozzie loved Calla Lilies the most.

AN: Hey guys, it’s me again! Just thought I ought to say, if you want vague updates and to talk to me more, I have a Helluva Boss Tumblr, too! Tumblr is Gimme-A-Thrust! I also have a writing Discord that is currently pretty dead. xD If you want it, please contact me on Tumblr/Twitter!

Sorry for the absence! I’ve been having a rough go of it for a bit, now, but things are okay. Well, they’re stable, now, at least. I think things will get better. At any rate, I really had a lot of fun with this fic, I love incorporating the language of flowers into my different fics, and it put me in the mood to work on my hanahaki fics a bit more. Who knows, maybe I will.

Requests for headcanons and fics are still open on my blog if anyone is interested! I’ve got a small queue right now for fics, and I’m slowly pecking at them between 30 Days Of Fizzarozzie prompt fills. I just kind of let the fics go where they go, and I don’t have a cap for how long they will be because it stresses me out less. I will get to the ones I have accepted, even if it takes me a bit to get there.

Anyway, that’s enough of me rambling, I hope y’all enjoy this one! It’s sweet (for the most part).

30 Days Of Fizzarozzie Fic Masterlist

Lily Of The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Giving flowers to a demon one liked was a sentimental statement, for sure, but Fizzarolli couldn’t help himself. He just knew that Asmodeus would love these. Hopefully. Maybe. They were his favorite flower, after all, in all of creation. His frazzled nerves were warranted, maybe even to be expected, and he kept telling himself that this would be fine. It was fine. They’d already done the confessing part, so this was fine. 

The mixture of Calla Lilies wrapped in the appropriately colored paper would no doubt please him, right? There were four purple Calla lilies, symbolizing admiration and enchantment, and twelve red ones that harkened to his love, courage, and lust for him. The six orange ones were for energy and excitement, the two pink for adoration and appreciation, and finally in the center was the most important of all.

In the spray of flowers, a circle of five white lilies with a red one shone like a beacon in the very center. The white represented purity, innocence, elegance, and rebirth, and most importantly, was a symbol of holiness. Ozzie was a demon that enjoyed blaspheming maybe even more than the other Sins, and so Fizzarolli had wanted to surprise him with something to his taste. He hoped that his lover would like it because he'd had to go to Earth in order to find them. The bouquet had cost him an arm and a leg (but not quite literally), and he found himself begging in his head that the Dark Lords could make this a success.

Making his way to Ozzie’s at-home office where he usually did his paperwork that wasn’t club related, he couldn’t help walking at his usual pace instead of taking wide strides like he often did. The elder demon had many businesses under his belt, and Olli couldn’t fault him for wanting to condense things into one room when he had the chance to. Knocking on the door after hesitating for a few seconds, Olli took a deep breath and held it as he waited for the go-ahead. Ozzie didn’t often like to be disturbed when he was working, and Fizzarolli recalled him saying something about having to work on some numbers for the factory. If it was money, parts, or product, Fizzarolli couldn’t remember, it hadn’t seemed important to him at the time. What he’d noticed was that Ozzie would be busy for a while, and that gave him time to set up his gift.

“Need somethin’, Baby?” Ozzie asked loudly enough to be heard through the wooden door, and as he sat back in his rolling chair, he could be heard heaving a sigh as the springs groaned from his weight. Fizzarolli could visualize him in there, pinching the fur between his eyes, rubbing them, and all three heads yawning in broken increments that made them have to look away not to get trapped in a loop. There was no doubt that he was tired, probably frustrated, since he hadn’t been able to indulge in his sin all morning, “Come on in, Sexy. I could use a break from this, anyway.”

Raising up on his robotic legs with a mechanical whir and soft jingle, Fizzarolli opened the door and chewed on his tongue for a second as it poked out of his mouth. Inching into the room shyly, like he was afraid of being bitten, he carefully made sure that he wasn’t taller than the reclining King he had brought these to. Half of him wanted to lay prostrate on the ground, offer up his gift like he was presenting it to the new Messiah, but he refrained from the dramatic gesture, if only barely. Ozzie rose his eyebrows in surprise when Olli held out the bouquet of lilies, and his eyes scanned over the flowers for a moment before his heads tipped in curiosity.

“You got me flowers?” He asked after a brief pause that lasted for a thousand decades, and Fizzarolli nodded slowly, his lungs burning from  holding his breath for so long, “Breathe, Baby, it’s okay.” Holding out his arms, Ozzie welcomed the large (even if it was small to him) bundle of flowers into his hands, and Fizzarolli watched him bring them to his face. Sniffing them and catching a scant, delicately sweet scent, he smiled softly, his eyes sliding closed for a moment. He recognized the meanings behind these, as that had always been something important to him, and as much as some of them concerned him, he actually kind of liked the tenderness behind this gesture. It felt odd and somehow uncomfortable and like an old, familiar dress found in the back of a closet. He slipped into it with little delay despite himself.

“I, uh…” Fizzarolli rubbed the back of his neck, averting his gaze and swallowing audibly, “I know you like those, and I wanted to do something special for you. There’s this uh… This thing, you know, on Earth. Valentine’s Day? I think it’s got something to do with holy bullshit, there’s a cherub for it and all that shit. I know how much you like blaspheming, and so, uh, I just…” Trailing off, he didn’t really notice when Ozzie moved, and he blinked up at him with wide pink eyes.

Setting the cut flowers on his desk, he turned his chair more to fully face the other with a gentle purr in his chest. Taking the other’s face in his hands, Ozzie kissed him slowly, carefully parting the other’s lips with his tongue, evocative as the gesture was, it was so Ozzie. When Fizzarolli opened up to him with a gentle moan, the King couldn’t help but lap at his tongue, his hands sliding down the other’s clothed torso, holding onto his suspenders with a happy little growl.

“I love ‘em” Ozzie slurred against his mouth, licking his lips and nuzzling their faces together. The bull and goat joined him in petting Fizzarolli with mouths, chins, and foreheads, a loud purr emanating from the large demon’s body. It was almost enough to vibrate Olli right off of his metallic legs, and Ozzie scooped him up into his arms to keep him from falling. It was a little more than that, but he didn’t know if he could even admit that to himself.

“I got you somethin’ else, too, Ozz.” The imp grinned, pulling away from the other and relishing in the thin line of saliva tethering their lips together, watching in delight as it snapped,  “Grab the flowers, let’s go to the kitchen. I think you’ll like it.” Hopefully.

The secrecy behind his second gift intrigued Ozzie, and he carried Olli and the flowers out of his office. Fizzarolli closed the door behind them with an easy extension of his arm, and he purred to match Ozzie’s deep rumbling as they walked. Upon the center island in the kitchen sat a fully anatomically correct heart with a deep hole where the arteries gave out to emptiness. Immediately, Ozzie’s shoulders sagged with relaxed ease and a stupid, lovestruck smile worked onto his face.

“You really do know me, huh?” He asked softly, almost shyly, “Is it ready, or do I need to fill it and put the preservation packet things in it?”

“All full and ready for ya, Big Guy.” Olli beamed up at him, clearly proud of himself, “I thought of everything. Even cut the flowers down a bit more for you. Figured you deserved it.” He couldn’t force Ozzie to do more work than necessary for his gift, it felt wrong.

“For once, I kind of like this shi– This kind of thing. I don’t usually get presents like this.” It felt nice to be spoiled instead of doing the spoiling, and it brought a brightly glowing, gracious smirk to all three faces, “Guess I have to rethink that ‘sentimentality allergy,’ huh?”

“Selective allergies fucking suck, huh?” Unable to help himself, Olli climbed up to sit on the other’s shoulder, kissing the goat’s mouth as Ozzie unwrapped his flowers. The bull was over in a heartbeat to join them, and Fizzarolli had to give both of them wanton, wet, and sloppy, open-mouthed caresses of their mouths. Freeing the blooms from their lavender and primrose paper prison, Ozzie hummed pleasantly as he went about carefully organizing the flowers in the vase to keep from losing the centerpiece of the whole thing.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Ozzie finally answered, glancing over at him, “You really shoulda got a better vase, though, there’s so many of these.”

“I wanted it to be special,” Came the distracted reply as Olli smacked his lips in a much appreciated, erotic display, “The number thirty means–”

“Dedication to one’s duty or task.” Finishing the other’s sentence, Ozzie tried to hide his fond smile by turning away, “I’m very aware of that. I just… Guess I’ve never been given something like this. I’m not trying to nitpick. They’re… You’re–” He couldn’t finish his own sentence. What was wrong with him?

“Dashing? Handsome? Lovely? Sexy?” In love with everything about you? Loyal to a fault? Ready to do, be, say, and complete anything for you? Constantly ready to ask how high you’d like me to jump? He was thankful none of these things left his mouth because he didn’t think Ozzie could handle any more mushy feelings without combusting.

“...All of the above, Olli Baby.” He really, really needed to get over this stupid, blushy, embarrassing behavior or he was going to lose his reputation with his lover in a front-page story of a King ‘burned alive by his own stupidity’ kind of way.

“You are, too, Babe. Promise I won’t do it too much, long as you don’t mind it.” I want to do it every day.

“You’re welcome to do it whenever, Sweet–” Ozzie paused, gulped, and sighed, unable to finish what he was saying, “Uh… Sugar tits.” Well… That wasn’t really what he wanted but he supposed it worked better than anything too romantic. Sweetheart wouldn’t fit his usual persona, his bravado, his stance on love. Then again, he was fairly sure that Fizzarolli had changed him, had ruined him for others, for himself, his ideals, and his firmly held beliefs.

“Sugar tits?” Barking a laugh, Olli puffed up his chest and pressed his hands to the sides of his pecs like he might try and push them together, but there wasn’t much of a difference, “Looks like I’m pretty flat, Ozz.” He still appreciated the attempt, though, wishing he could hear ‘sweetheart’ in that smooth voice he’d fallen in love with.

“Your skin’s always sweet, could get your nipples in my mouth and suck ‘em like I’ll get something out of them. Maybe even until I do.”

There he was, good ol’ Asmodeus, King of Lust, Deadly Sin Incarnate, being his normal, slutty self. If he couldn’t be an unabashed whore, what was the point in being alive? 

Olli hugged his head, pressing his face into the other’s cheek as his arms enveloped the other’s neck, tangling up in his mane happily.

“Yeah? You’re lucky I lesbians you,” The imp snorted as he rolled his eyes, happy that Ozzie hadn’t stopped him at that, “Nobody else can get away with sucking on me at all.”

“Yeah, well, I fucked it up for you wanting anyone else, and we all know it.” Ozzie’s full-body purr returned, and Fizzarolli couldn’t help but return it with a soft, warm smile.

“Yeah, and I think I broke you a little, too.”

Oh, he had definitely cracked something in him, but Ozzie couldn’t even find it in himself to be upset about it. Fizzarolli had come into his life and changed everything, and he still hoped that it was for the better and not to his detriment. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t indulge in his silly little guy until he wrung the life from him, however. There was no separating them, at this point, not without them amputating the parts of themselves that made them whole.

Fizzarolli had had just about enough of amputating things at this point in his life.

“I lesbians you, too.” Ozzie finally murmured, sighing softly as he closed his eyes, “And I’m going to wreck that pretty mouth for saying it, too.”

All Olli could do was bark in excitement, letting Ozzie get away with changing the subject.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

AN: Okay, here we are again, and I’m back! I still need to finish days 16 and 18, but there were a few things that got in the way of me being able to write. I’m going to be busy working on things today and tomorrow, and see if I can’t get ahead of the curve, again. See y’all in the next one!

Prompt: 30 Days Of Fizzarozzie Day 19 - Flowers

#Helluva Boss Fanfic #Helluva Boss Fanfiction #Fizzarozzie #Fizzmodeus #Helluva Boss Fizzarozzie #Helluva Boss Fizzmodeus #Helluva Boss Asmodeus #Helluva Boss Ozzie #Helluva Boss Fizzarolli

[mercy-burning]

She’s An Angel

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Spencer discovers that Reader has a rather promiscuous personality behind closed doors, and he can’t help but give into her. Category: SMUT (18+), (there’s a lil fluff at the end, but it’s mostly filth lol) Warnings: Language, heavy flirting and sexual tension, female/male-receiving oral sex, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, exhibitionism, innocence kink (kinda?), breeding kink, dirty talk Word Count: 10.8k

***EDITED: 7/23/2021***

MASTERLIST

NOTE: Hi, guys! This is my entry for @willowrose99 ‘s 1-Year Writing Challenge Celebration! My prompts were: Only Angel by Harry Styles (fun fact, this is my favorite Harry song! And the notes/texts that Reader sends to Spencer are lines from the song), stealing clothes, and the dialogue “You know, I kinda like it when you call me -pet name-” I hope you all enjoy it! I had SO MUCH FUN writing this!!!

Also! Little fun fact: sex and metaphors/references to religion is like... my favorite thing in the whole world, so I made a tiny playlist for you to give a listen if you’re interested! If you have song recs so I can add them, please let me know! I’m always on the lookout for new stuff :) Enjoy!!

***

He didn't think much of it the first day she started working at the BAU. If anything, Spencer was glad that they had an intern— someone who could share some of their responsibilities without completely changing the dynamic of the work. She even became part of their family, going out with them after cases, attending every workplace gathering, whether it be a wedding for a co-worker they didn't see often, one of Rossi's dinner parties, or Henry's birthday party.

It wasn't until they were setting up for the BAU office Halloween party that he noticed something was... different.

Y/N and Spencer were put on decorating duty while everyone else brought food and music, and whatever else. They stopped by extra early to set up, meaning they would be there together, alone, for at least two hours before anyone showed up.

Normally that wouldn't have been anything to worry about, but Y/N showed up in costume, and it completely threw him for a loop.

Now, he wasn't one to really care whether or not people used Halloween as an outlet to dress like sexy nurses or cheerleaders or whatever else. Sure, he'd rather go with something on the scary side, something with a creepy mask or intricate makeup, but in the end the holiday was everyone's to enjoy how they wanted to. And one way or the other, he never saw anyone in a sexy Halloween costume and found himself tempted by them in the slightest. In fact, it was rare that he ever saw anyone in one at all.

So, when Y/N slowed up to the office wearing a very skin-tight, tiny schoolgirl costume, and his heart leapt out of his chest, mouth going dry and blood running hot at the sight of her?

He was a goner.

Her eyes lit up when she saw him, dropping the large bag she was carrying to run over and give him a hug, which he shakily returned, trying to snap out of his daze. Suddenly he felt a little underdressed, not wearing his costume yet, and truthfully, he wasn't sure if he wanted to wear one at all now, fearful that she'd think it was too immature.

Even more frightening than the holiday itself was the fact that Spencer found himself caring about what Y/N would think of his costume when a minute ago it hadn't even crossed his mind.

He cleared his throat and blinked rapidly before she released him from her hug, hoping to expel his fear and remember that she was his friend and she'd never actually say anything bad about his costume. Not that that'd even mattered in the first place. It shouldn't have mattered, right?

God, pull yourself together! She's just a pretty girl dressed in a suggestive costume, it's nothing you haven't seen before...

Though, he wasn't even sure he could call her a pretty girl right then.

Because when she pulled away from him, talking about some of the decorations she brought, he had ample opportunity to get a good look at her costume up close. And she wasn't pretty. She was downright sexy, all legs protruding underneath a short plaid skirt and adorning shiny black heels, curly hair tumbling down her shoulders in pigtails. Her shirt was so low, most of the buttons undone to reveal a black lacy bra underneath. She wore a pair of glasses that sat cutely on the tip of her nose and minimal makeup, the only noticeable thing being bright red lip color.

That wasn't what was different, though.

Sure, she'd never worn anything that scandalous around work or even on nights out, but it wasn't the fact that she'd done so now that felt strange. No, it was the way she looked up at him, her head hung low and her eyes looking up through eyelashes. When she got excited to tell him something, she pitched her voice higher. And often times, she'd put herself in compromising positions, and it seemed like it was on purpose.

At one point she stood right in front of him trying to hang a streamer on a beam she was most certainly not tall enough to reach. Her arms stretched high, all fabric on her body rising up and exposing more skin. Spencer quickly tried to avoid any problems, offering to help so she wouldn't hurt herself, first of all, but also so that he wouldn't find himself staring too long when he shouldn't have been staring at all.

The whole time they were decorating, she found excuses to drop things and pick them up, to stumble and hold onto his arm for steadiness, to accidentally brush past him... And that's what was so different about her.

He didn't want to assume she'd been drinking before coming to the office, and if he'd known any better he wouldn't have assumed it in the first place. But that was the one and only thing that crossed his mind that could have been the answer to her strange behavior, despite the lack of alcohol on her breath. (The only reason he knew her breath didn't smell of alcohol was because at one point, she hugged him again and pulled back to look in his eyes, brushing stray curls from his face and telling him they did a good job finishing up the room they'd been working on.)

Now they were in the conference room, and Spencer was hanging streamers as Y/N sat in one of the chairs, wheeled back to the middle of the room so she could observe everything. Well... observe Spencer was more correct. At least that's what he figured, anyway. It was like he could feel her eyes burning into the back of him. Or maybe he was just still unable to get over the fact that she and her stupidly hot costume had had that big of an effect on him.

He stood down from the chair and asked Y/N to hand him more tape, refusing to look at her.

"Spence, are you alright?" she asked sweetly, rolling her chair over to the table so she could reach the tape. The innocent concern in her voice had that same suspicious tone to it that wouldn't leave him alone, like it was nagging him and calling to him... begging to confront her.

He flicked his gaze down to meet hers for the briefest of seconds before looking back at the table. "N—Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" She picked up the tape and toyed with it between her fingers, which were manicured a light pink color. He couldn't help but stare at them. "You seem a little... on edge."

With a swallow, an attempt to bring moisture back to his throat, Spencer shook his head. "I'm... No, I'm sure. Everything's fine."

Y/N sighed. "Well, I've been working with you profilers for some time now, and... I think I can tell when you're lying. Was it... something I did?"

There she went again, her voice high and soft. Innocent. Like she was in character.

Spencer looked at her face again, and then immediately he regretted it. She was half pouting at him, doe-eyed and head tilted to expose her neck. He swallowed again, trying to figure her out while also figuring out what to say.

"No," is what he settled on, audibly nervous.

She could tell, too, because he thought he saw her smirk for just a split second. But then it was gone, replaced once again by her pout. "Oh... Good. Because I thought for a second that you didn't like my costume."

She obviously had to be up to something, right? Was she... flirting with him? And more importantly, did he want her to flirt with him? He'd never really thought about Y/N in that context before, but she was single, beautiful, and... well, truthfully that's all he really knew about her. They'd been friends for about a year now, and he couldn't put together one single thought about her other than the stuttering, muddled confusion over the fact that she was in a sexy Halloween costume and most likely openly flirting with him.

What was that Emily said once about his IQ dropping in the presence of a pretty woman?

Y/N had rendered him utterly thoughtless.

And speechless, too, apparently, because he stood there, staring at her without saying a single word.

"Spencer," she called out softly, almost like a lullaby. Her chair rolled back, away from the table to give him a better view of her legs as she un-crossed them and very slightly opened her knees. "Do you think I'm pretty?"

As if he wasn't already practically burning inside-out since the moment she arrived at the office, now his blood ran hot, and he was suddenly very uncomfortably warm. "U—Um, y—yes, you're... You're beautiful, y—your costume... It's nice, it looks nice on you."

Her pout slowly turned into a smile as she patted her knees. "Thank you... I wore it just for you, you know."

Is this some sort of bizarre dream? he wondered, his knees almost buckling at her words, their tone, and the meaning of it all.

"Y—You did?" he whispered brokenly.

"Mnmm," she drawled as her fingers toyed with themselves. "You teach, right?"

"Sometimes."

Y/N hummed and nodded, her legs still closed enough that he couldn't see anything... extra promiscuous. "You know, I bet you have quite a few students who find you attractive... Tell me, do any of them dress like this?"

She leaned back in the chair and started to run her hands slowly up the inside of her thigh, just above her knee. "Do they ever... Sit in the front row and... spread their legs just enough for you to see the pretty panties they picked out... just for you..."

By now her hands were resting on the inside of her thighs, her legs spread in exactly the way she'd described. He couldn't help himself. There she was, offering herself to him, and in his line of vision was the faintest glimpse of baby pink fabric that matched the color of her fingernails.

He didn't even know how to verbally respond. By now he was sure his face was beet red, and his palms were sweating so badly and struggling to keep him upright as he leaned forward on the table. Ah, the table— the only thing separating him from her, a fact which he wasn't quite sure if he was thankful for or not.

The spell she had around her broke when her phone rang. And just like that, it was like she was... herself again. At least, the 'herself' Spencer had always known. She sat up and walked over to the other side of the room to grab her phone from her bag, reading the screen as he struggled to catch his breath.

"It's Penelope. She has a costume emergency I have to help with. Are you good putting the rest of these up?"

"U—Um, yeah. Yeah, go."

Y/N smiled and grabbed her bag, thanking him as she walked past and left him behind.

He heard her call back as her figure was etching itself into his brain, ready to remain there until the end of time. "Can't wait to see your costume!"

***

Luke and Tara were having a conversation that he was supposed to be paying attention to, but Spencer's mind was still occupied by Y/N and her... outward display of sensuality.

Her voice was echoing in his brain, replaying over and over how she'd dressed up for him. And the longer he tried to wrap his brain around everything, the more he wound up confused. Where had her forwardness even come from? Had she been actively interested in him this whole time and he just hadn't seen it until now? A possibility, but why had she chosen to go to that extreme rather than just tell him the truth? Maybe she'd just found being overtly sexual an easier tactic than others?

Or maybe, in the end, she was just messing with him. Even though Derek had moved away, it was entirely possible that he'd somehow concocted one of his ridiculous pranks and roped Y/N into helping him since he wasn't around to do it himself. A smart move, though it was highly unlikely.

Spencer just didn't know what to do. Depending on how the rest of the night went, he was probably just going to have to muster up the courage to ask her what her intentions were. And depending on what she says, he was going to have to figure out what he wanted from their relationship... Did she want just sex? Did he want just sex? Did she want to go out with him? Is that something he would want as well?

He was just about to mull it over when Penelope's boisterous laugh sounded from the other side of the room. Spencer looked up, eager to see if Y/N was with her, since she'd been called away on a costume emergency. Penelope was dressed as a devil, red sparkly horns on her red-streaked, curled hair. She was dressed head-to-toe in a red dress and shoes that felt very much like her, with feathers and sequins, and her makeup was also red and black and absolutely glittery.

And sure enough, behind her stood the woman who'd been occupying Spencer's mind for the past hour and a half. Though, she wasn't dressed as a schoolgirl anymore.

He found himself swearing under his breath as he took her in, shimmering where she stood, dressed in all white.

She was an angel.

An actual angel. Her hair fell loose around her, accessorized with a headband with a golden halo attached to it. Her dress was still pretty form-fitting, though nowhere near as scandalous as her previous outfit. It was long and flowed out at the bottom until it hit the floor, a ring of gold at the hem. The sleeves were also long and bell-bottomed, accented with gold at the end.

And from where Spencer stood, even that far away, he noticed the glitter that surrounded her eyes, gold to compliment the color on her dress. Her lips were still bright red, and her glasses were gone. And the wings... As small as they were—most likely to keep from taking up too much space—they stood out in any crowd, purely white and outlined in gold, just like the rest of her outfit.

Why had she changed? Did... she actually change at all? Had he truly only imagined their encounter hours ago?

"Any... specific angels crossing your mind?" Spencer heard Luke say, punctuated with a pat on the shoulder.

He blinked and looked at him. "What?"

"Y/N... She makes a pretty good angel, eh?"

"Uh, yeah, I—I guess so."

Luke and Tara laughed, obviously amused by all of this. But they hadn't seen her earlier. They hadn't been there to witness her seducing him and acting like she'd done it a million times over. They didn't know what she was doing to him, inhabiting every corner of his brain and driving him mad trying to figure it all out.

But it wasn't uncommon for his friends to tease him about the female attention he got sometimes. And when it was obvious that he was flustered, they kept the friendly teasing going. And every time, he settled on leaving it alone, because he knew it would pass and he wouldn't have to worry about it again, at least until the next woman hit on him in public.

And Y/N? She worked with them. As long as she was in his head, he was afraid he'd never stop being flustered in her presence.

So he had to know. He had to talk to her and see what was going on, no matter how awkward it might get.

For now though, it was Halloween, and he was going to spend the night with his friends while doing the very rare amount of drinking and the more frequent amount of laughter.

The night didn't come without a few looks in Y/N's direction, though. She never came up to him directly, though a few times he'd catch her looking at him. And each time, she'd wave and continue on her merry way, laughing with Emily or doing some silly dance with Penelope in their coupling costumes.

Honestly, if earlier hadn't happened, he would have thought nothing of it. She was being completely normal. Happy, friendly... Simply Y/N, as he'd known her for the past year and a half.

He just finished saying goodbye to JJ, who was leaving early to go trick-or-treating with her kids, when she finally approached him. At the sight of her getting closer, her otherworldliness making his blood go warm again, he tried to compose himself. After all, there was no way she'd do anything sensual in public like this, right?

"I didn't get a chance to compliment you on your costume yet," she said brightly, her voice not carrying that higher tone from before. "You make a very believable zombie."

He looked down at his tattered clothes, a small laugh escaping him. "Thank you... It's no high-level makeup job, but I tried my best."

When he looked back up to her, the shimmer of her makeup basked her in a glow that made it incredibly hard to breathe. She really was pretty. Still sexy, of course, but in an understated way this time.

And he couldn't help but bring up the difference. "You... changed."

Something sparkled in her eyes then, giving them a devious glint that inherently contradicted her costume, and the mere implications of that made him tremble, especially as she said, "Mhm... I figured the schoolgirl costume was a little too inappropriate for the workplace. And besides... I did say I wore it just... for you..."

So he hadn't imagined the whole thing... On the one hand he was relieved to know he wasn't freaking out over something that hadn't actually happened. But... on the other, what did that leave him with?

It left him with a woman who was standing in front of him, dressed like an angel while giving him all sorts of devilish feelings.

Once again she'd rendered him speechless, though now his thoughts were filled with images of those pretty, glimmering eyes above him, watching as he worshipped her between her legs... Of her hands twisted in his hair as he showed her just how much he wanted her, to show her how beautiful she was.

Those thoughts were interrupted when she got closer, toying with a stray curl that stuck out from his head. She twirled it around her finger and looked up at him, doe-eyed again as she purred, "Happy Halloween, Doctor Reid."

She was gone too quickly, whisked away by the throes of an office holiday party that, one way or another, served as the beginning to a long, tempestuous affair.

***

In the weeks that followed, Spencer went about his days as normally as he could, focusing on work, and getting ready for another month of teaching, where he'd be away from his friends and, therefore, also away from Y/N.

It's not that he necessarily wanted to be away from her... Yet, after constant flirting with no direction other than his dreams filling with filthy images of the two of them together and no actual outlet for it, he figured a break would do him some good. Of course, he wasn't sure what would await him when he came back—if she'd forget about all of it and give up or if she'd come at him stronger than before.

It was his final day before leave, and so naturally, Y/N had to make it hard on him. He was sure that's what she was doing.

Since it was getting colder, she strayed away from skirts, though occasionally she would show up to work in a longer dress or a shirt that hugged her in all the right places, especially on the days that he would be working with her more. She had the BAU's schedules on hand always, so she had to be using that as a way to get to him.

On those days, she often used her higher pitch when she spoke to him, and her eyes were always adventurous— they wandered over every part of his body and sometimes quickly blinked away when he caught her, accompanying an embarrassed smile. (Though, Spencer was convinced she really was absolutely not embarrassed.)

Other times she pulled the "Oops, I dropped something," trick, and "You know, it's almost Winter but it's still so warm in here, don't you think?" followed by a stretch of her body as she slowly put her hair up or dragged it over her shoulder. 

His plan was to wait until he got back from leave, assess their situation from there after he'd cleared his head for a while, and then talk to her about what the hell was going on. Though the thought of confronting her scared him a little, he knew he couldn't let this go on any longer without some sort of conversation about what was next... What it all meant. It would drive him crazy otherwise.

With all the sensual, suggestive looks and actions she was throwing at him, though, it was a wonder he hadn't gotten to that point already.

As if she'd figured this out—because of course she would have found a way to get into his brain and know what he was thinking and feeling before he could even do so himself—Y/N stood by a storage closet with a clipboard. She pretended to write things down, when in reality she was looking up at him every so often, biting her lip and crossing her legs where she stood. She looked utterly desperate for something, almost like it was painful for her to be deprived of whatever it was she was looking for.

Spencer had a sneaking suspicion he knew what that was. And the thought sent a wave of electricity through his veins. All day she'd been going extra hard in attempts to catch his attention, and since it was his final day before leaving for a month, he knew that had to be the reason why.

If catching his attention was her goal, she'd definitely succeeded.

Across the room, and across a small sea of co-workers who were head-down, going through paperwork, he caught her eye and waited, his fingers twitching like they wanted to reach out to her. She tilted her head to the side and tucked her bottom lip between her teeth, staring back at him like she was in a daydream.

And sure enough, she was standing underneath a light, one singular beam that sat atop her head like a halo and bathed her in a soft glow.

Even without the costume, she was an angel... For a moment Spencer wondered if maybe she'd planed on it all from the start— making her move by dressing like an angel on Halloween for one night and then finding any way on purpose to replicate that presence without actually dressing up again. Was it a way to mess with his head, to make him believe that she was calling to him? That she would... save him somehow?

He had to know what she was doing.

So he gave in and stood up, his eyes keeping contact with hers as he got closer and closer. Before he could get to her, though, she winked and then turned around, entering the storage closet and disappearing before his eyes. Still, he followed her, desperately hoping that's what she wanted.

And with a silent prayer that felt ironic as he thought it, Spencer opened the door and entered the adventure that awaited him. Whether it would be heavenly or otherwise he wasn't sure, but either way he was ready to confront it.

Y/N had turned on a desk lamp, its orange glow the only source of light in an otherwise pitch-black space. She leaned back against a table, still standing with her legs crossed over each other, hands bracing themselves on the tabletop. "How's it going, Doctor Reid?"

"What are you doing?" he asked, almost immediately after she greeted him. Now that he was alone with her, away from unassuming eyes, he exhaled and visibly showed his confusion through pleading eyes. "Please, I need to know what you're doing..."

He barely saw the contours of her face through dim lighting as she smiled. "What do you mean?"

"Y/N... Don't do that." He took a step closer, even though the quick beating of his heart signaled that it might have been a dangerous move. "Tell me..."

"Isn't it obvious?" she cooed, her hands coming out to toy with the hem of her frilly skirt.

As he looked down at it, he had to wonder if there really was a God out there, some higher being that sent this angel down to destroy him. How else did it stand to happen that even though it was nearing the end of November, the one day it was warm enough for Y/N not to freeze while wearing a skirt was the final day he had before leaving for a whole moth?—Before it was inevitably snowy and she wouldn't have the luxury to tease him with her skin?

She must have caught his lingering gaze on her legs, because she laughed softly, spreading them to stand a bit further apart while her fingers very lightly pushed the fabric of her skirt up. "I've been trying to get your attention ever since I got here... But you never seemed to notice. So I figured... Why not be a little more... forthcoming..."

"Y—You could have... said something," he whispered, forcing himself to look at her face. But as he was learning, he couldn't look at any part of her without his whole body going up in flames. 

By now she was walking closer to him, small, languid steps that perfectly showcased how her body could move. "Well... Truth is, I was scared... Every time I tried to talk to you, I got really nervous..." Her voice was demure, apologetic almost... Embarrassed. But it had to have just been part of the allure, right? Part of her show? "You're just so... intimidating."

Spencer swallowed, a small laugh coming from him as he tried not to collapse at her closeness. "I'm... I'm really not..."

But she laughed, finally close enough to reach out and grab his tie, which is what she did. She held the fabric in her hands for a few seconds before letting it drop, bringing her pointer finger to gently trace patterns on his chest. "Not in a mean way, silly... You're... incredibly smart, and you're good at your job... You're always so nice to everyone... And I bet you really know how to make a girl feel good..."

He found himself trembling under her touch again as she brought her hand down to meet his. She leaned up to nudge his chin with her nose as she moved his hand to the inside of her thigh. It was only the slightest of touches, nothing rushed or passionate about it. In fact, Y/N seemed more taken with the idea of using her touch to draw everything out— to make him pine for it, lose all semblance of sanity until he finally gave in and did whatever he wanted to her.

"Don't you wanna know what it feels like to touch me?" she whispered, her breath hot on his neck. Meanwhile her hand guided his own farther up her skirt, until he felt her skin getting warmer and warmer with each millimeter. His throat was dry, breath shaky as he fluttered his eyes closed and embraced the moment, embraced the guidance... "To feel how wet you make me?"

His heart practically leapt out of his chest once his hand was finally met with said wetness. Her panties were damp and oh so warm, and he couldn't stop the whine that left his throat as she pressed his fingers hard into her against the fabric. Her fingers covered his like a glove, guiding them in small circles over her clothed clit as she sighed into his neck.

"You feel that?" she asked, nuzzling into his skin. "That's what you do to me, Doctor.  From the moment I saw you, I knew you'd ruin me..."

He breathed a laugh then, finding it utterly ironic how that's how she felt. She could have just been toying with him, but there was enough longing and desperation in her voice to let him know she really meant it. She'd been waiting for him to come along and whisk her away...

So that's what he was going to do.

Spencer removed his hand from her then, walking them over to the table and pulling her right to him by gripping the waistband of her panties and keeping her still. The gasp she let out fueled him in a way that would have wrecked him if the job hadn't already been done. As he looked down at her, her body was basked in the soft orange luminescence of the desk lamp, a sight that aesthetically added to his desire and farther fueled the heat that had been accumulating in his veins, waiting to be released.

"Is that what you want, angel?" he breathed, the words even taking him by surprise. His sexual experience was far from non-existent, but it was limited enough that he'd never acted this feral before. Never had a partner ever had this strong of a hold on him, so tight that he found it a struggle to breathe. Add on the fact that he wanted to embrace that struggle if it meant being this way with her, and you had a man who was completely unraveling under the allure of one single woman until she ultimately brought forth his demise. "You want me to ruin you?"

Though he was giving in, like he assumed she wanted in the first place, Y/N hummed, tilting her head again and blinking up at him. "You know, I kinda like it when you call me angel..."

Spencer gripped the fabric tighter, and she whined. "Is it what you want?" In other words, Do you want this? 

Y/N nodded, and then he crashed his lips with hers as he tugged at her panties and let them drop to the floor in a pool around her feet. She flung her arms around his shoulders and pressed herself into him more, allowing his tongue to part her lips and explore her with liveliness. She was more than welcome to embracing it, verbally giving him praises in the form of whimpers and physical ones in the form of her hips rolling forward to get more friction.

As one of his hands found purchase under one of her thighs, he thought back to Halloween night, and how he'd imagined his head between her legs. The memory had his entire body tensing with pleasure, and without a second thought, he pulled away and dropped to his knees, looking up at her with what he hoped was the purest form of desire.

He looked up at her, admiring the way her face looked in the dim light, as he lifted one of her legs and placed it on his shoulder. Still keeping eye contact, he tilted his head and kissed the inside of her leg. But eventually he let his focus lean to immersing himself in her pleasure, tearing his eyes away from hers and completely shifting his head to face her leg. His lips trailed upwards, taking his time to remember the taste and the feel of her soft skin. 

The higher he got, the heavier her breathing became, and it wasn't long before he fully had his head under her skirt. She tried to move the fabric so she could see him, but he gripped her wrists and pinned them at her sides, eliciting a laugh from her that quickly turned into a whimper once he brushed his nose over where she ached for him.

Without being able to stop himself, Spencer inhaled, breathing her in and letting out a shaky breath as he inched closer and involuntarily closed his eyes, completely wrapped up in her like he'd never felt before. He was intoxicated by her, even more so when his mouth finally made contact with her dripping cunt.

Feeling her shudder above him was almost as heavenly as the way she tasted, sweet and bitter and oh so delectable. He'd never craved anything more than her in that moment, his tongue lapping her up and making a point to taste all of her. He explored and worshipped and praised her just how he'd imagined he would, though now that it was actually happening and he'd really had a taste of her, he wasn't sure he could ever go back.

Not that he wanted to. Especially as she whined and rolled her hips against his face, seeking more pleasure as she tried to be quiet in the closet.

Spencer, though he knew the importance of keeping it quiet right then, couldn't say he was the same way. Since his head was hiked up her skirt, and his sounds were muffled by her skin, he was as loud as he wanted to be, groaning into her and mumbling praises in between while catching his breath. He reveled in the feeling of her wetness coating the lower half of his face and the sounds that both pairs of her lips were providing. It truly was better than any symphony or choir he'd ever heard, and if he could spend the rest of his life down there, worshipping at her altar and giving her everything she desired, he would have.

But they were at work, and if they were gone too long, it would get suspicious.

So, as much as he wanted to draw out her pleasure—and by association, his own—he focused on getting her to her peak, flicking his tongue out over her clit and letting her hips rock forward to get her exactly where she wanted to be.

He knew she was about to come when she stopped whining and whimpering altogether, the leg she had draped over his shoulder curling and tightening around him to keep herself steady.

His tongue was relentless, keeping at what it was doing while Spencer imagined what her face must have looked like. Were her eyes rolling to the back of her head or were they squeezed tight? And her mouth— was it hanging open? Was her bottom lip tucked between her teeth as she attempted to keep herself from yelling out? And as her hands struggled in his grasp, trying to escape most likely in favor of gripping his hair, he imagined them tied up above her head, attached to his bedframe as he took his time, drawing out every little sound she could have possibly made until she was just as unraveled as he was.

And then her grip loosened all around him, a whiny sigh escaping from her mouth, and Spencer reluctantly drew himself away from her. He dropped her leg from his shoulder and licked at his lips, tasting as much of her as he could before he had to return to work. And then, when he was moving to remove his head from under her skirt, he caught sight of her panties on the ground, picking them up and sliding the garment lightly up along her leg as he stood.

The only thing was, he wasn't putting them back on her.

No, they hung loose between his fingers as they tickled the inside of her legs, and when he finally stood tall enough to tower over her again, he got as close as he could to her, bringing the fabric up between her legs, right where he'd just been, and pressed them firmly to her sensitive pussy.

"Time to clean you up, angel," he whispered, swiping his hand forward and doing exactly that. Y/N whined against his mouth, faintly tasting herself on his lips as he cleaned her.

He kissed her then, gently, removing his hand from under her skirt and depositing the damp fabric right into his pocket.

If Spencer hadn't known already that he was done for, he would have figured it out right then, when he pulled back far enough to see the high, blissed out look in her pretty eyes. She blinked at him and sighed, telling him one final thing before she pushed past him and walked out into the office with no underwear and half-wobbly legs.

"I miss you already, Doctor..."

***

He missed her, too.

The month-long leave was supposed to assist in letting him clear his head, but the longer he was away from her, the more it drove him mad. Occasionally he'd still taste the sweet tanginess of her on his tongue, and no amount of coffee could rinse it out. Sometimes he'd be grading papers and daydream about hearing her whimper out his name as he took care of her.

It didn't help that she also sent him texts, little things that would have sounded innocent to anyone else but had a way more promiscuous meaning to the both of them. They mostly involved the discussion of angels, of course, as she left him with a quote or a song lyric, and other days with a fact about a specific angel.

Today, the morning before classes started, she sent him, She's gonna be an angel, just you wait and see... Spencer didn't know what it meant, what it was referencing, but it was innocent enough that he didn't think anything of it until lunch rolled around and he checked his phone to see another text.

...When it turns out she's a devil in between the sheets.

He couldn't stop thinking about it. All day, even as he was trying to distract himself by lecturing, all he could see in his mind was Y/N. Sometimes with her angel costume on, but mostly with nothing on, her body fitting into his like a puzzle piece as she sighed out his name like a prayer.

And to think, he had one more week until he would see her again.

But then he was looking through his students' quizzes, small sheets of paper with some terminology and matching definitions they needed to pair together. Since there were only about five minutes left until the class was over, he let his students spend the rest of the time how they chose, not really in the mood to burn himself out speaking when he knew it was only a matter of time before he slipped and said something about Y/N that he shouldn't.

The next quiz he grabbed was folded in half, unusual, but he opened it and was looking to go about his merry way regardless. But then he saw a post-it note right in the middle of the paper, reading She's an angel, my only angel, and punctuated with a pair of red lips.

The first thing he did was drop the pen that was in his hand. Not like he did it on purpose, though, he was pretty sure all joint and muscle function was lost upon reading the handwriting he knew so well, and a reference that only she could make.

And then he looked up, eyes scanning the sea of students to find her. She had to have been there, right? A few of the students found it odd that he was just looking through all of them, but all he was worried about was finding her.

And there she was.

Y/N had tucked herself all the way in the back, her eyes locked directly onto him. She winked then, when she knew she had his attention, and all Spencer could think about was how it must have been another dream. Her texts from earlier had gotten to him more than usual, and because of it, he was seeing her everywhere, seeing what he wanted to see.

Even though he wanted to keep looking at her, to try and figure out if she was really there or if she was just a figment of his devilish mind, he didn't want anyone to catch him. To anyone else it would look like he might have been staring at another student, and with the lust he knew was definitely swimming in them, the last thing he wanted to do was get in trouble like that.

So, to his dismay and reluctance, he slipped the note into the drawer beside him and quietly finished grading, even though he was longing to see how else he could let Y/N destroy him.

Even as the bell rang and everyone filtered out, Spencer kept his head low, refusing to look up until everyone was gone and only one person remained.

The quieter it got, the harder he could feel his heart beating. And then the only thing that cut through the silence was that unmistakable, angelic high pitch that would surely never fail to bring him to his knees.

"Did you get my note, Doctor?"

Only then did he allow himself to look up, and when he did, seeing her closer to him than she'd been in almost a month now, it was like the stars aligned. "Yes," he whispered, getting out of his seat and walking around the desk to be as close to her as possible.

She laughed and met him in the middle, nearly trapping him between herself and the desk. Her hands reached out to grab at his suit jacket and he wished that she'd touch him somewhere else. Anywhere else, just to feel the soft warmth of her skin.

"And my texts?" she cooed, taking another step and actually trapping him between her body and his desk.

"Y—Yeah, I got them."

"Oh, good. I've been thinking a lot about how you left me..." She slid her hands then, under his jacket and across his stomach until they reached his waist. "The second I got in my car to go home, you were already on your way here... And I couldn't help but wonder what you were doing with my panties..."

They were currently back in his hotel room, in the drawer and laying atop of his own clothes, a vision that had him reeling, wondering if she was wearing any now. So he asked. "Are... Um..."

Well, he tried to ask, anyway.

Y/N caught on, though, beaming at him as her hands removed herself from him and slipped up her skirt. "You wanna see the pair I'm wearing now?"

"Y/N... There's... Someone could come in, I..."

She clucked her tongue. "Oh, I wouldn't want to get you in trouble, don't worry. I'll just... Give you a quick peek."

She didn't wait for him to respond, lifting the hem of the skirt and stepping back so he could see the front of her underwear, which were white and printed with black cursive lettering.

Angel.

As soon as he exhaled, loud and obviously very turned on at the sight in front of him, she dropped the skirt and smiled. "You like them? I needed to buy a new pair since you felt the need to steal my others..."

Spencer really didn't know what to say. All he knew was that his body was on fire, and the tightening of his pants was extremely dangerous since he had another class in a half hour and there wasn't enough time to take care of it unless they did something right now. And even then, they were in a public area with hardly anywhere to go. His best bet would be to go to the bathroom and be as inconspicuous as possible to take care of it himself. Or, Y/N needed to leave immediately so he could settle down and just let it go away on its own.

Unfortunately, he seemed to have a hard time denying her of anything.

Which was why he didn't stop her when she sunk to her knees.

As she undid his belt, looking up at him  with sparkling eyes, she spoke to him. "Honestly, I had every intention to just make out with you a little, just enough to satiate myself until I can see you again next week, but... Well, I'm wearing lipstick, and I wouldn't want to embarrass you."

He'd made out with a woman before, who'd worn lipstick, and surprisingly it was pretty easy to remove, so he knew she had to have been lying as some part of a bigger scheme, but... he couldn't quite figure out what that was. Obviously she had plans to take care of his erection for him, so why make up the story?

But then she kept talking, only slightly pulling down his pants and palming him through his underwear. "And then I thought about how pretty you'd look covered in lipstick kisses, and, well... It's always good to start somewhere, don't you think?"

Oh...

His stomach did flips when she traced his dick through the fabric covering it, gently with her middle finger. And then, looking into his eyes from below, she pulled it out and slowly stroked it with her hand, a low hum coming from her throat. "Mmm, I can't wait to mark up this pretty cock..."

That's when he lost all semblance of control, a strained groan falling from his lips, coming from the great depths of his chest, just from her words alone. And she took that moment to lean forward and press the gentlest of kisses to the base of his dick. She held her lips there for a second or wo before removing them and moving just a little higher, her eyes never leaving his face.

Her kisses trailed higher and higher, centimeter by centimeter until she reached his tip, where she ever so slightly flicked her tongue over the slit at the top, tasting his precum. And then gave him one final kiss—one final red mark.

The temptation to grab her hair and hold her there while he fucked her throat was strong, but as he looked down at her, she was examining her handiwork with a seductive hunger that made him realize that no matter how strong his urges got, she would always be the one in charge. Even if she acted all innocent and submissive, she was the one who held the key to his sexual desires, and therefore she was the only one who had the ability to unlock them.

So, he contained himself as she looked up at him, winked, and quickly tucked his hard dick back into the confines of his pants.

And when she stood up, she leaned up to his cheek and pressed another kiss there, leaving behind a red mark and all all his sanity with it, quickly turning away before he could catch her.

"See you later, Doctor," she called over her shoulder before she disappeared out the door.

Spencer let out a long, unsteady breath, debating on whether or not he should take care of his situation in the bathroom or right there in the classroom, behind his desk and into the trash can underneath it while he still had ample time to do so.

He sat in the chair about a minute later, his hand moving furiously under the desk as he breathed out hushed whispers of her name.

***

No matter how badly he wanted more alcohol in his system, he wasn't going to allow it. After one drink he was already starting to feel the affects, veins buzzing right along with the low hum of the music from inside. The single streetlight above him provided only the dimmest of lights as he took deep breaths in and out, focusing on the bitter cold from the December air and the soft pelting of snowflakes upon the skin of his cheeks.

Y/N's touch still burned him, right along his inner thigh where her hand had firmly rested while they and the rest of their friends ate dinner at the bar. All night so far, she'd been teasing him to no end, whether it was a brush of her hand against his crotch or a tiny kiss on the shoulder when no one was looking.

How no one had figured them out yet was a mystery.

Spencer rubbed his hands together, trying to keep them warm when he felt it. She was behind him.

"You've been out here for a while, Spence, is everything okay?" Even when she wasn't speaking to him in her angelic higher pitch, he still felt like succumbing to the sound her voice regardless.

He turned around to face her, and sighed. It figured that even surrounded by a street that was covered in brown-tainted snow, she wouldn't have let it taint her beauty. He was convinced that no matter where she was or what she looked like, she'd always be perfect— capable of knocking the breath out of him every time he looked at her. "Honestly, you've been driving me crazy."

"Oh," she said, her eyes slightly shifting to the ground. "Maybe I... did take it too far, I... I'm sorry." The slight tinge of embarrassment and maybe regret that filtered through her voice nearly ran him to the ground— How could she ever believe that he would feel overwhelmed by her? Sure, to some extent, he was extremely overwhelmed by her, but it was never a negative thing.

"Oh, angel, that's not what I meant," he explained softly, taking a few steps towards her.

She lifted her head, eyes doe-eyed and sparkling, though not as they usually were. This time they were swimming in a softness that made him yearn for her even more. "What?"

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm absolutely mesmerized by you... Y/N..." Spencer brought a hand to lightly caress her face, and when she leaned into his touch it made him so warm he thought it would melt all of the snow. "I can't get you out of my head, and I... I don't know if I ever want to. I mean that."

"Y—You're not... weirded out or anything?" she asked softly. "That I just... sprung all my feelings and my lust out onto you all at once? B—Because I know it was sudden, and I came on really strong so fast, I just... I thought you liked it, and so I just kept going, but really I should have stopped and... I don't know, asked if you were okay with it..."

He'd seen this softness in her before— When she watched over JJ's kids in the office sometimes, and when she helped Penelope set the table for their 'family dinners'. Every time, on the rare occasion that she actually went on cases with them, when she helped JJ comfort the families who'd lost their loved ones, he saw it. And even through all the lust, that sweetness in her soul was what truly made her an angel. Even though the lust is all he'd been swimming in since Halloween, deep down he really knew that it was only a small part of who she really was.

So, he said to her, "Y/N, I'm enchanted by all of you. I don't... I don't know what happened to make you want to come on strong to me, but... I'm glad you did. Believe me when I say, there is nothing about you that would scare me away."

He didn't know how she was feeling, but she practically visibly melted at his words, right in front of him. "You really mean that?"

With a smile, Spencer stepped even closer and brushed a thumb over her bottom lip. "Of course I mean it, my angel."

She laughed then, her hands wrapping themselves over his waist. "Your angel, huh?"

"Mhm... If you'd like to be..."

Y/N leaned up and pressed her lips to his in answer, firmly and with all the sweetness she had nestled inside her soul.

But the longer they stood there outside the bar, kisses growing warmer and hungrier with each passing second, Spencer realized that he didn't want her sweetness any longer, not tonight anyway. He cradled her face in his hands, feeling the fire in his veins come alive when she whined into his mouth and willed herself closer.

Before he could say fuck it and decide to take her right there outside, he pulled away, still needing her but not entirely willing to get themselves caught for public indecency.

Y/N spoke before he got a chance to, her higher pitch coming back and almost bringing him to his knees.

"What do you say you take your angel home and show her a good time?"

***

She didn't even get a chance to close the door to his apartment before he was on her, his hands tugging at her coat to get it off.

It was a frenzy, at least while they were stripping. Jackets and boots and scarves were strewn across the entryway and leading into the living room, until each of them only had two layers: their regular clothes and what they wore underneath. And that's when they finally allowed themselves the luxury of wrapping their limbs around each other.

Her legs wrapped around his waist as he grabbed ahold of her ass to keep her steady. For added support, she flung her arms around his neck and kissed him the whole way to his bedroom, but not without a few stumbles. Either way, they were so quite literally wrapped up in each other that the imperfections didn't matter.

Like she could ever come with imperfections... Spencer thought as he set her down, immediately bringing his hands to the back of her dress.

Meanwhile she unbuttoned his shirt, fumbling around so much that he thought she might choose to rip it open, and selfishly he wished she would have. But she got it open without tearing any buttons, and the fabric slid easily off his shoulders at the same time her dress slid off her own.

He was going to kiss her again, but once he caught a glimpse of what she'd been hiding under her dress, there was nothing he could physically do but rake his eyes over her figure and pray for forgiveness for all the devilish things he wanted to do to her.

It was a white set, all lace that was detailed to look like feathers as it hugged every curve of her body perfectly. She wore a set of garters that attached to the panties, which he was pretty sure were crotch-less and outlined in a pretty gold shimmer.

"I knew you'd like it," Y/N drawled sweetly. The pure innocence that dripped from her tongue would have thoroughly wrecked him had her appearance already not taken care of that. And she seemed to understand how immobile he'd become at the sight of her, because she moved of her own accord, gliding over to him and reaching her hand out to undo his belt. "I'm gonna take your silence as a good sign..."

"You're stunning," he breathed, just barely, and she gave him a smile through softly biting her bottom lip.

"You're too good to me..." Her hands pushed down his loosened slacks and waited until they fell to the floor. And then she hooked her fingers under the waistband of his underwear and leaned into his neck. "And I think your kindness deserves a reward..."

Her lips gently pressed to his neck before she dropped to her knees once again, and as she descended, her hands and his underwear did the same, leaving him completely bare and open for her to do whatever she wanted. No matter how badly he longed to throw her on the bed and get to showing her just how much she'd inhabited his every fiber of being, he didn't dare stop her as her tongue darted out and licked a featherlight line along the length of his hard cock.

He let out a sigh and twitched at her touch, a feat that must have pleased her, because she smiled and hummed happily as she repeated her action. Only, this time her tongue was more firm on him— not teasing anymore, but it brought him to damnation all the same.

And then she fully wrapped her lips around the head of his cock, slowly gliding herself down until he hit the back of her throat.

The sound he made was inhuman.

She wasted no time then, bobbing her head at a steady rhythm and moaning around him as she did so. It didn't take long for saliva to start gathering above her chin and dripping down onto the exposed area of her breasts, just above her bra. Occasionally she would hold him at the back of her throat and choke as she looked up at him with tears in her eyes, and the sight of his little angel happily crying with his dick in her mouth sent Spencer into a tailspin.

But as tempting as it was to paint the back of her throat white, he knew he'd prefer to take that action to a more interesting place. So he pulled away from her and breathed out, "Please, not yet..."

He looked down at her as she smiled, wetness coating her skin in the form of tears on cheeks and saliva on breasts. Her hands rested at the tops of her thighs, even as she stood up and blinked a final stream of tears down her left cheek. "Why, is there somewhere else you'd rather fill me up?"

"Please," was all he said, his breathing labored as he imagined what she would feel like.

Thankfully she seemed to take mercy on him— Y/N grabbed his hand and pulled him to the bed, where she laid him down at the headboard and straddled his thighs. "As much as I love spreading my legs for you, I think I'd much rather take a ride..."

"Anything you want," he told her, his eyes traveling up the length of her body as she got comfortable. She was, in fact, wearing crotch-less panties, and the feeling that coursed through him at the sight of her glistening pussy in decent lighting (AKA when he wasn't under her skirt in a storage closet) sent him straight to Hell all over again.

He sighed out as she played with herself, gliding her fingers delicately along the planes of her body, from her thighs to her clit, and eventually she gripped his dick to line it up, lifting her hips above him.

"Are you ready?" she asked gently, rolling her hips to slick him up with her arousal.

"Always ready for you, angel..."

The pet name sprung her into action. She sunk down slowly onto him, and he willed his eyes to stay open so he could watch as her mouth dropped open, eyes rolling back into her head as she moaned out deliciously. He let out a groan himself, the feeling of her tightly wrapping around him like velvet almost too much to handle.

"Ohhh, you fill me up so good," Y/N sighed, gently grinding her hips in slow circles as she finally had all of him inside her. "Just like I knew you would..."

Everything she was doing, between the gradual increase of the speed at which her hips rolled and the way she looked down at him with pure desire, had Spencer wondering what he'd ever done without her. What had he known before knowing the feeling of her nails gently digging into the skin of his stomach as she rode him, before knowing the sound of his name falling from her lips in a whisper? It couldn't have been anything good, because as far as he was concerned, she was as good as it would ever get.

But at some point it felt like he needed to take more. She was giving him her body, offering it to him like the most precious gift she had to offer, and yet he wanted to tear into it and leave nothing behind except her voice, calling out his name into the heavens above. He longed to give her something in return, something that would leave her just as ruined as she'd left him.

And, as always, she could tell.

Y/N laughed seductively as she leaned down, her hips still rocking into his. Her lips pressed a gentle kiss to his before she spoke. "Everything alright, baby?"

All he could do was let out a broken moan as she clenched around him on every upstroke.

"Aww... You want more? Huh, you wanna lay me down and give it to me good? Show your little angel what it feels like to be fucked so good she can't even speak?"

"Don't... tempt me," he was finally able to choke out, and she laughed.

"Aww, come on... Show me what you got..."

Spencer wasn't sure when he actually did it, but one second she was nipping at his bottom lip, challenging him to take control, and the next he was on top of her, her legs spread as wide as they could possibly get as he rocked his hips into her at a deep, bruising force.

She laughed amusedly through whimpers of pleasure, her hands spreading out at her sides like wings as he gave her everything he had. Looking down at her, head thrown back and hair fanned around her head like some sort of angelic crown, he soaked it all in and wondered if this was what Heaven was— the feeling of her succumbing to his lust, the sight of her lost in the throes of weeks of pent-up sexual tension that never entirely got released, the sound of her near-incoherently whining at how good he was...

If it wasn't Heaven, it was surely something pretty damn close.

He was almost there, tension stretching out inside the pit of his stomach, when Y/N grabbed one of his hands and brought it to her lower belly. He felt himself slamming into her at full force every time, the small bump against his hand bringing him further along the road of release.

"You feel that?" she whined, keeping his hand there. "You know what that means, don't you?"

It could have meant a lot of things, but his brain was too far gone, lost in in the fog of pleasure to even begin to think about what it was. But then she answered for him, and it was just about the hottest thing he'd ever heard come from her mouth.

"It means I'm all yours... to do whatever you want with... to fill me up with your cum as much as you want... maybe turn your little angel into a mommy..."

With a loud, guttural groan, Spencer held himself still, deep inside her, and gave her every last drop, his hand remained pressed firmly to her stomach. If he concentrated hard enough, he could almost feel his cum spilling out and filling her to the brim through the barrier. She pulsed and came around him at the same time, warmth spreading between the two of them like a drop of water would soak through fabric, until it completely enveloped them like a heavy blanket.

And then they'd given everything, their bodies clinging to each other for dear life as they settled into the gentle aftermath of such a heavy feeling of ardor. Their breaths slowed and their lips explored each other tenderly, hands doing the same until, finally, they felt themselves drifting off.

***

Spencer dreamt of Heaven that night, glimpses of a future he'd always longed for with other people, but that he would get to spend with her.

A wedding dress, white, but haloed by a gold fog as the woman wearing it glided along the aisle and made her way to him.

A house, small, but fenced in and just perfect enough for the two of them and the baby that was on the way.

A picnic table, damp, but drying out in the sun as it gradually became littered with plates of birthday cake and a little candle that was shaped into the number 3.

A woman, old, but beaming as she showed a photo album to her multitudes of grandchildren, telling them stories about the wonderful life she lived with her husband who always called her Angel.

And when he woke up, seeing that old woman as she was now, sleeping in his bed as the sun beamed through the curtains and basked her in a heavenly light, he knew what Heaven really was.

It was her.

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[gogolucky13]

Metanoia

Summary: In the last stages of his recovery, Bucky goes on a spiritual retreat where he meets you, and finds more of himself along the way. Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!Reader Word count: ~11k Warnings: Angst. Fluff. Smut (not super explicit). Swearing. Negative self-talk/thoughts. A touch-starved Bucky. Allusions to an abusive relationship and vague mentions to past violence. Brief mention of infertility. (18+ only please). A/N: Oh boy, oh man, okay. So this is my entry for @bonkywobble​’s follower challenge. Congrats on the milestone, love!! My prompt was Metanoia (n.) the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life. This got kind of long, but there was a lot I wanted/needed to include and there’s probably so much more I could include. The timeline fits after CA:CW/before IW. Tbh, I’m a bit nervous to share this, and I just hope it reads how I intended it to. I’ve never gone on anything described in the story so most references are what I read on google or just made up to fit the plot. Also, a special thank you to @please-buckme​ who is always willing to answer my questions 😬 and dividers by the talented @firefly-graphics​! Anyways, I hope people like this. Enjoy! 😊💜 gif not mine.

Day 1 (Arrival):

The first thing Bucky notices when he steps off the plane is its hot. Not the type of hot that has your skin sticking in uncomfortable places, or the kind that brings so much humidity it’s stuffy and difficult to breath. It’s just...hot. He doesn’t mind much, though. The warmth is welcomed after so many years on ice. Besides, he’s spent the last several weeks adjusting to tropical climate in Wakanda, so he’s used to it for the most part.

The second thing Bucky notices is his right arm is beginning to cramp from carrying his luggage on one side. The heaviness of his duffel bag on his shoulder and the suitcase in his hand creates an ache that has him stopping to readjust the baggage to even out the weight distribution. He’s been out of cryo for a little bit, but he’s still learning how to get on with only one arm.

After he came out of cryo, he was offered a replacement arm for the one that was damaged, but he declined. Too many bad memories resonated in his mind whenever he looked at the thing or thought of it. To him, it was never a part of his body, it wasn’t an arm—it was a weapon. He figured it better to just not have one at all, even if it does make things a little trickier. And of course, there are fleeting moments of self-consciousness. Is he seen as weaker? Less attractive? Will people only see a missing part of him and nothing else? He’s still working through those thoughts, too. 

Finally, the last thing Bucky notices is this place is fucking beautiful. He stands for a moment outside the resort lobby, gazing at the luscious greenery and colorful flowers, taking it all in. He’s seen exotic landscape before in Wakanda, but there’s just something different about being  somewhere completely new and experiencing it for the first time. He loves it.

When he finally steps into the hotel, Bucky is met with a wave of cold air, and the little hairs that have fallen out of his bun swirl around into his face. Before he can move further into the lobby, he has to stop and push the strands away. A sign then catches his eye and it creates a little stir of excitement mixed with uncertainty in his stomach. 

Welcome to Metanoia in beautiful Costa Rica! Your journey awaits you...

A spiritual retreat to Costa Rica was the last step in his recovery. His mind has been reset, he’s sorted through most of his metaphorical baggage with his therapist—baggage that’s a lot heavier and creates a bigger ache in his heart and mind than what he is currently dealing with—and he’s reached the final step in moving forward with his new life.

Taking a steadying breath, Bucky decides it’s time to start this journey and heads towards the check-in desk. 

“Hello, welcome to Metanoia,” the petite blonde behind the counter greets. 

She wears a smile that matches her perky attitude, and it brings a small sense of ease to Bucky’s nerves. The people here are nice, not that he had any reason to believe they wouldn’t be, but it’s comforting to know it’s true. He notices her quick glance to his left side though, which has him leaning further onto his right arm in an attempt to hide the emptiness that’s there.

“Uh, hi,” Bucky awkwardly replies, clearing his throat before continuing, “Uh, I’m checking in for the weeklong retreat,” a slight furrow to his brow and another throat clear because no shit, dumbass, everyone checking in at this place is here for the retreat. He could still use some more practice interacting with people, he supposes.

“Wonderful!” The blonde replies, not at all phased by the obviousness of his statement. “I’ll just need your last name, then.”

Her smile stretches across her face and Bucky thinks she has the whitest teeth he’s ever seen.

“Barnes.”

“Great, thank you,” she says, turning her attention to the computer screen before her. 

The sound of keyboard clicks fills the space between them while Bucky waits for her to finish confirming his reservation. 

“Alright, Mr. Barnes,” she begins, pulling out a series of papers and pamphlets, “here is your room key. You’ll be staying in the southwest side of the resort, which means you’ll have an amazing view of the sunset each night.” She pauses to give him a smile, which he returns because that does sound nice. 

Next she pulls out the pamphlet and opens it up. “And here is some information on what you can expect during your stay, including activities and a schedule for group meetings and workshops. There’s a Welcome mixer planned for tonight where you’ll get a chance to meet everyone.”

Bucky takes a moment, glancing at all the paperwork before he begins folding it up to stuff into a side pocket of his duffle.

“Okay, great. Thank you.” 

Just as he reaches for his suitcase to head towards his room, the woman speaks again.

“Oh, Mr. Barnes,” she calls, bringing Bucky’s attention back to her. “During your stay, we ask that you leave any electronic devices with the front desk. Without the distraction, it allows our guests to fully immerse themselves in following their journey.”

“I, uh, I don’t have a phone,” he bashfully admits, giving the woman a weak smile. He was too caught up in his recovery to bother with getting himself one. Besides, he doesn’t see the need, and is still a bit resistant to embracing every part of the 21st century. One step at a time.

“Okay, well, never mind then,” the blonde replies. “I hope you enjoy your stay.”

One more toothy grin from the front desk woman and Bucky is finally on his way to begin the last step in his journey of changing his mindset for the better.

The interior of the hotel is just as mesmerizing as the outside, which causes Bucky to get distracted and he ends up turned around a handful of times on the way to his room. But eventually, he’s walking up to a door with an iron 302 on it. His shoulder throbs in excited anticipation to be freed from his heavy duffle as he inserts the room key.

White. Everything is white Bucky sees when he steps inside. There’s a few pop of bright colors sprinkled around the room in the form of abstract art on the walls, but other than that it’s white. He sighs, dropping his suitcase and duffle bag onto the tiled floor then collapses backwards onto the queen sized bed.

A million thoughts run through Bucky’s mind as he gazes at the palm tree inspired ceiling fan. The faux wooden leaves of the slowly spinning blades holds his attention, the repetition of it helping to calm the last little bit of anxiety that’s lingering.

Everything will be fine. This will be good.

Bucky sits up and reaches for the welcome and information packet to learn more about what he can expect for the upcoming week. His therapist gave him some information, but it was mostly selling points about how great it will be for his recovery. He still isn’t entirely sure of what he’s going to be doing while he’s here.

Curious blue eyes scan over the various pictures in the pamphlet. They’re all of happy, almost too happy, people doing things such as yoga, horseback riding, scuba diving. Bucky doesn’t think he’ll be doing any of that. Then he finds the schedule for the week. A crease in his brow forms when he realizes the only things that are on it is the welcome mixer and the mandatory workshops. Everything else is up to guest’s choice.

Interesting.

Another sigh as Bucky sets aside the paperwork, his gaze shifting to the view of the ocean outside his room. He has a private patio, and he mentally takes a note to make sure he sits out and enjoys the sunset one night before he leaves. A shower calls for him, deciding he should probably wash off the sweat and germs from traveling, making sure he looks somewhat presentable before meeting everyone else.

The welcome mixer is outside, on the beach, because of course it would be when you’re in Costa Rica. Bucky didn’t think that through when he got dressed and wishes he would’ve just come barefoot as he dredges through the sand in his boots. Why the fuck did he bring boots to Costa Rica anyways?

“You must be Mr. Barnes!” A middle-aged man with dark hair greets as Bucky approaches the slowly forming group.

“Uh, yeah,” Bucky replies, running a sweaty palm over his jeans. “But, uh, Bucky, you can call me Bucky.”

“Well, welcome, Bucky, I’m Gerard,” the man holds a hand out and Bucky takes it. “Come, we’ve got drinks and food. I’ll introduce you to some friends.”

Bucky allows the man, Gerard, to place a gentle hand on his shoulder as he’s guided to the rest of the group. He meets a few instructors and counselors, and mingles with a handful of people who are also here for their own journey. He indulges in some fruity non-alcoholic drinks, enjoys some Costa Rican appetizers, and allows himself to relax. 

At one point during the mixer, Gerard makes a point to address and welcome the whole group. 

“Thank you all so much for coming,” he says, arms open wide with a warm smile on his face. “We are so happy to have you here, and to have the chance to help you in whatever journey brought you to us. During your stay, we encourage you to take the opportunity to try something new. Push yourself to do something you may not normally do, and put yourself out there—we’re here to catch you.”

Bucky listens intently, and his mind wonders back to the brochure he held earlier, the pictures of people doing yoga and horseback riding flashing in his mind. He takes a sip of his drink as he scans the faces of everyone in the crowd, curious what excursions they initially turned their noses up at.

“I’m sure you’ve all had the chance to review your schedule for the week,” Gerard states, bringing Bucky’s attention back to him, “and I’m also sure you’ve noticed it’s pretty much blank. This is intentional, because here at Metanoia we want you to choose what you think your journey is. What will bring you happiness? What will push you just that little bit out of your comfort zone, and open the doors you’ve been keeping shut? You choose your journey.”

The last bit of Gerard’s speech lingers with Bucky as he makes his way back to his room for the night. He doesn’t have a clue what his journey is. He’s here because it was strongly suggested he come and experience whatever this place is. Maybe in the morning he’ll know what his journey is. 

That hope stays with Bucky as he shuts the light off and crawls into bed. 

Day 2:

The wish of morning bringing a small respite from the heat quickly fades when Bucky steps out to grab some breakfast. He slept well, better than he has been, but his mind still worked in overdrive. Worrying him with a bunch of what ifs and could bes with what’s to come. The biggest worry of all, though, is not finding out what his journey is. What things should he do to try and find resolution? If he never discovers what his journey is, how can he finish it? How can he finish his recovery?

It was while he brushed his teeth he determined he wasn’t going to worry about it anymore. He’ll let whatever happens happen and just pray everything works out. That’s a good plan, and one he sticks with as he walks into the dining room of the hotel.

More white Bucky sees as he looks around at the tables and chairs. The far wall is all windows, allowing the bright sun to make all the white in the room look even more white. It’s so bright he has to squint while he looks for a table. He finds an empty one in a corner, and he knows he should be putting himself out there, but it’s only day two. He’s got all week to do that. 

Eggs and bacon sounds delicious, but so does pancakes and a parfait. Bucky makes several trips to the food stations, trying to balance as much as he can with one hand, before finally settling into his seat. It’s when he realizes he forgot to grab silverware that he spots you.

He stands from his chair, but is frozen in place as he catches sight of you. Gliding, you move with an air of confidence and exuberance that Bucky can feel from across the room. The woman at the front desk had a bright smile, but it’s nothing in comparison to the one you flash in the direction of a server. 

Stunning.

A distant sounding cough breaks Bucky from his trance. Blinking several times and creasing his brow in confusion, he focuses on an old man he met last night, Henry.

“Mornin’, son,” Henry says, “mind if I join you?”

“Oh, uh, sure, yeah, of course,” Bucky stammers, attempting to shift some of the plates around to make room for Henry’s food. “I need silverware, you need anything?”

“No thanks, I’m all good,” he replies, and Bucky watches as he sits in the chair across from him before lifting his gaze to find you again. It’s a lost cause as more people file into the room, your enthralling figure no where to be found.

After breakfast, Bucky decides to head back to his room for a bit. The intrigue of you has now overtaken his thoughts, and the worry of figuring out his journey is forgotten. He rummages through the papers he was given yesterday, looking for the form filled with pictures of counselors and instructors. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t find you. 

He barely registered anything when he noticed you, but he’s certain you weren’t in a hotel uniform, and you aren’t listed on the brochure, so that means only one thing—you’re also here as a guest.

Quickly, Bucky reaches for the schedule of events. There’s a mandatory meditation workshop and a final group meeting at the end of the week, but what if he doesn’t see you there? You weren’t at the mixer last night, and Bucky would definitely remember if you were. 

Lower lip catching between his teeth, Bucky scans the activities for tomorrow. 

8am: Yoga for uncertainty: Begin, believe, trust, heal.

It’s not something he would normally participate in, but the title alone tells Bucky he should reconsider, regardless if there’s a chance he’ll see you there or not. 

Walking out onto his patio, Bucky still holds the list of activities for the week. As he sits on a chair, gaze falling to the majestic waves of the ocean, he concedes.

Yoga it is. 

Day 3:

This was a bad idea. Even with the hope of seeing you again, Bucky is instantly regretting his decision to come to this yoga class. Standing like an awkward giant, he clutches a mat under his arm and watches as people file in. 

Is the title ‘Yoga for uncertainty’ derived from the fact it will induce uncertainty when you attend, or is it meant to squelch the overall feeling of uncertainty? Because right now, Bucky is thinking it’s the former. 

Finally following everyone else’s lead, Bucky moves further into the room and slowly unrolls his mat. He’s grateful he decided to put his hair up in his room before he arrived. No one wants to see what he has to do to put it into a bun with one arm.

Oh shit.

A self-conscious hand comes to rest on his left shoulder as his blue eyes widen with worry. How the hell is he supposed to do yoga with one arm? Bucky’s certain he’s seen positions where people are balancing on their heads, using two arms to keep themselves straight. It sounds ridiculous, but sometimes he forgets he only has one arm. Never having to worry about what he can and can’t do, or what adaptations he’d need until recently. 

Shit, fuck, shit, fuck.

He drags his right hand down his face before it moves to rub the back of his neck. Eyes darting around the room, watching, as he decides his next move. He’ll just casually walk out, no need to draw attention. Anyways, Bucky doesn’t even see you so he has no reason to stay. He’s getting water, no, going to the bathroom. Just as long as he acts natural no one will notice…

“Good morning, everyone!” 

Dammit.

The instructor cheerily greets everyone as he makes his way to the front of the room.

“Thank you all so much for deciding to come to my yoga session. My name is Jeremiah, and my goal this morning is to help your body, mind, and soul achieve a level of peace.”

Jeremiah looks around the room with warm brown eyes, clearly taking in the different body types of everyone who has chosen to attend.

“This class is meant to ease uncertainty, bring a balance between the three sectors of our being, so for anyone who is worried, let me just say this class is a beginner’s yoga class. We are all here to succeed.”

A small sigh of relief pushes from Bucky’s lungs. Maybe if he had read the brochure a bit closer before attending, he wouldn’t have gotten so worked up over nothing. 

Beginner’s yoga, he nods to himself in reassurance, that should be easy.

Fifteen minutes in and Bucky is realizing beginner’s yoga isn’t as easy as he initially thought. Okay, so he’s able to do most of the poses, but it’s the holding of said pose and focusing on his breathing that is not so easy. He’s never had to think so much about what his body is doing, it just does what he wants it to. 

Or it did what other people wanted it to.

As he shifts into Warrior II position, Bucky knows he should be worrying about keeping his breathing even; however, he’s tempted to take a quick glance around the room. It’s mostly women, he’s one of three men who came, but that doesn’t bother him. 

Then his gaze travels towards the back of the room, and suddenly any attempt at keeping his breathes steady is lost entirely. Heart rate increasing, Bucky tries to hide the audible hitch in his breathing when he sees you. His attention swiftly moves back to the front of the room, almost losing his balance in the small shift of his equilibrium. 

Taking a moment, Bucky closes his eyes and uses the sound of the relaxing music to calm himself. Harp and… are those wind chimes? The instructor then directs everyone to sit down on their mats, and the pull to look to you again is too strong.

He catches your attention, and oh shit now you’re smiling at him. A small wave of panic rushes through him because you’re still looking at him and he hasn’t acknowledged you, yet. 

Stop being fucking weird.

Bucky finally manages a smile, awkward but friendly enough, and nods his head. Then he focuses his attention forward and decides not to look in that direction of the room unless he absolutely has to.

When the class ends, Bucky takes his time rolling up his mat and putting his shoes back on. The brightness of your aura is seen from his peripheral, and a few times he couldn’t help but glance at you. Eventually, everyone is mostly gone and Bucky is able to retreat back to his room for a shower and a pep talk. 

Day 4:

Bucky knows it’s probably a little creepy. He knows he shouldn’t have eavesdropped on you at breakfast, but when he overheard your plans for today, he decided they would be his plans, too. Okay, maybe it was more than a little creepy, but he’s intrigued by you and still learning how to get to know people. A for effort?

Pacing in his room, the newfound fluttering in his stomach begins to intensify as the clock ticks nearer to 10am. First on today’s agenda—hot stone massage. In theory, it does sound nice, but the thought of someone touching him was enough to make his skin crawl and nausea to swirl in his stomach. Bucky didn’t even consider getting one after initially reading about them until he was unknowingly persuaded to rethink it.

There’s no denying he’s nervous, for several reasons, but the excitement of getting to see you again helps to convince him he should go through with it. Maybe he’ll talk to you if he sees you, but what would he even say?

Hi, nice to meet you. You’re downward facing dog looked amazing.

Nope, definitely not that. Although, true.

Frustration begins to seep in and a groan rumbles in his chest. Why can’t he just be normal? 

Admittedly, he hasn’t had many opportunities to talk to different people over the last several years, so the idea of flirting with someone should induce the nervous energy he’s feeling. But its times like these when Bucky desperately wishes he could remember how easy it was for him to talk to people before. More often than not, he was the guy with two dames at his side, dancing the night away. Happy and carefree. Yet the mere thought of talking to a beautiful woman now has his insides twisting and mind racing. 

Not to mention the arm, or lack there of.

Another groan and Bucky collapses into a chair. Mindlessly rubbing at the nub where his left arm used to be, his thoughts don’t get the chance to spiral any more because the clock on the wall tells him it’s time to go.

Not white. This room is not white Bucky quickly notices when he steps into the spa. Oak paneling covers the walls, warm uplighting illuminates the space, and there are plants everywhere. Calming music similar to what he heard in the yoga class plays through the overhead speakers, and the tranquil ambiance is doing its job until he spots you.

Feet catching on the floor, he slightly trips before catching himself and awkwardly checking in at the front desk. Then, he silently makes his way over to the waiting area where you sit flipping through a magazine.

The tall stature of Bucky’s figure is hard to overlook so it’s no surprise your eyes are moving from the glossy page in front of you to Bucky’s approaching figure. Meanwhile, all he can think about is don’t trip, don’t trip, don’t trip.

A smile. You give him a smile. Probably the kindest smile Bucky has ever seen, and he’s mesmerized by the way it brightens your features.

“Hi.”

Oh, your voice is so much sweeter when it’s directed at him.

This time, Bucky is a lot quicker to return your smile when he takes a seat across from you. Clearing his throat, he rubs a sweaty palm over his thigh in an attempt to keep his nerves in check. 

“Hi.”

Silence falls between you then, and Bucky isn’t sure if he should say something else or just let that be the extent of the interaction. But then you make up his mind for him, and he’s mindful to keep himself focused on what you’re saying because he quickly finds he could easily get lost in the way your lips move around your words.

“You were at yoga yesterday, right?”

Another throat clear, because apparently Bucky is worried his voice will do something funny if he doesn’t make sure there isn’t anything in it before talking.

“Yeah, yeah, I was.” He nods, his hand still continuously rubbing along his thigh.

“What did you think?”

It’s brief, but Bucky doesn’t miss the glance to his missing left arm as you wait for him to respond. Darting his gaze to the floor, he self-consciously brings his right hand to rub at the back of his neck. Obviously, Bucky knew you would notice what’s not there, but this is foreign territory for him. Still learning how to navigate interactions with new people who aren’t familiar with his backstory. Or maybe you are, he doesn’t know.

“Uh, it was good,” he nods again, palm still soothingly rubbing at his neck. “Never done yoga before.” Finally, he brings his right hand to rest back in his lap.

A chuckle falls from your lips. Not mocking or condescending, almost in understanding of his confession.

“Me either,” you reply, “but you could’ve fooled me. Your downward facing dog was amazing.”

Shooting him a playful wink, Bucky chokes on air. A bashful heat takes over his body, creeping up his neck and tinting his cheeks. Are you flirting with him? 

“I…uh, thanks, I guess,” he replies with a forced laugh.

Now you’re smirking at him. The fluttering in his stomach returns, but the longer he holds your gaze, he doesn’t feel on edge. Calm and collected, Bucky unintentionally responds to your energy and he’s easing out of this slightly flustered state.

“What’s your name?” You question, folding the magazine closed, full attention now on him.

“Bucky.”

Lips pursing while you consider it. “It’s nice to meet you, Bucky. I’m Y/n.”

The name bounces around in his head. Dizzying and magnificent, it’s his new favorite word. 

“Nice to meet you.”

“What are you doing after this?”

The question catches him off-guard. Eyes widening and mouth falling slightly open, he quickly tries to process you want to know what he’s doing.

“Um, I don’t… I don’t know.”

“Wanna go to the beach later?”

Internally he’s freaking the fuck out, but he manages to keep his composure for the most part, attempting an air of nonchalance in his response.

“Yeah, yes,” he replies with a nod. And another nod and another and another. 

No, stop it, too much nodding.

He shifts in his seat and subconsciously clears his throat again. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Alright, cool.” 

The voice of someone calling your name steals both of your attention. Standing from your chair, you toss the magazine back onto the coffee table between you.

“Meet you in the lobby at one?”

Nodding once more, this time with the appropriate amount of enthusiasm, Bucky smiles up at you. “That sounds great.”

You leave him with one last smile, and it’s the only thing Bucky can think about for the rest of the morning.

__________

The massage wasn’t terrible, better than he expected actually. Despite the tender touches though, Bucky still found himself flinching a few times throughout. But then his body and mind succumbed to the effects, limbs melting and relaxing into the table. He could say it was the soft music or the deep pressure, but it probably mostly had to do with the image of your smile when he closed his eyes. It was nice.

The rest of his morning dragged on. Time seemingly slowed down on purpose knowing he was anxious to be in your presence again. But then one c’clock finally rolled around, and Bucky has never rushed so fast to be somewhere unknown with so many unfamiliar people before.

The air is hot and the sun bright. A gentle breeze blowing off the ocean helps to cool his skin even more as he sits under the umbrella with you. He’s thankful the resort’s beach provides chaise lounges to sit on, he isn’t too keen on the thought of getting sand all over his body.

“So, where’s your room?” You ask, glancing to Bucky and holding a hand up to shield your eyes from the brightness.

“Down that way,” he replies, gesturing to the right with his drink. It’s in a coconut with a little pink umbrella and he feels a little silly drinking out of it, but it seems to be the only way to get a drink at this place.

“Wait, your room faces the ocean?”

He nods as he takes a sip of his drink.

You scoff, dropping your hand to your lap with a gentle slap. “Well, that’s not fucking fair.”

For some reason, Bucky feels a smile beginning to pull at the corners of his lips. “What isn’t?”

“You get a beautiful view of the ocean and all I get to look at are some trees,” you reply, gesticulating towards the ocean as you speak. “Not to mention, there’s this annoying bird that lives right outside my window.” Pausing, you look to him with slight annoyance. “My alarm clock the past three mornings.” You finish with an eye roll to sell your point.

Bucky is laughing now. He’s laughing and he doesn’t remember the last time he’s genuinely laughed at something.

“I guess I shouldn’t mention the sunset view then?”

“Sunset?! Oh my god!” Your head falls back against the cushion of the lounger and Bucky takes a quick moment to appreciate your profile. “I guess when you show up late you get put into a less desirable room.”

“Why were you?” Bucky asks before he can even register what’s coming out of his mouth. “Late, I mean.” Voice dropping as he adds the last bit, then he’s thinking maybe he shouldn’t have asked that. It could be too personal of a reason. “It’s…I just, there was a welcome thing the first night, and…”

He watches you take a sip of your drink, lips curling upwards while you watch him stammer out a response. The nonchalance of your body language tells him he didn’t overstep and soon is voice fades until he just stops talking.

“Work,” you finally say, smile lingering. “I was late because of work. I didn’t get in until late Monday night so I missed the welcome mixer.” A beat passes before you add, “Wishing I was there?”

He’s silent for a moment as he considers your question. Coy smirk teasing at the corners of your lips, a glint in your eye that has his heart rate picking up just that little bit.

“Maybe I do.”

Where the fuck did that come from?

Is this flirting? Is he flirting? This feels like flirting.

The smile on your face widens, clearly enjoying the small glimpse of who Bucky thinks he was in his past life—charmingly confident and playfully witty, a flirtatious quip always at the ready. And it stirs something inside him that’s been locked away for decades. He likes this feeling. It’s exhilarating and refreshing, and he wants more of it.

This time, Bucky takes the lead.

“So, what are we doing tomorrow?” 

Day 5:

Horseback riding gets added to the list of things Bucky didn’t think he would be doing while he was here. But when you suggested trying it out, he couldn’t find a good enough reason to say no. 

Initially hesitant and anxious, the horse, Trudy, seemed to sense this. She was a little rigid, unwilling to follow Bucky’s lead and had put up small fights along the way. He could feel himself getting worked up, ready to call it quits until you assured him with a kind smile relax, it’s going to be okay. Having no choice but to believe you, he pulled himself together and soon found a steady rhythm he and Trudy liked.

Then, the ride came to an end and Bucky wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye for the day. The prospect of rejection was pushed to the very back of his mind, not an ounce of hesitation when he proposed have dinner with me?

A suggestion to have dinner in his room was met with an eager acceptance of his offer, followed by a playful excuse of only wanting to see the view of the sunset. Bucky knew that wasn’t the only reason you agreed to dinner with him, but even if it was, he’s not so sure he cares.

Room service arrives while he’s anxiously pacing around his room. He got your order before parting earlier, and Bucky has just enough time to set up the meals outside on the patio before there’s a gentle knock to his door. 

Guiding you to the patio, Bucky is sure to point out the setting sun over the ocean. 

“Wow,” you breathe, gaze fixated on the fiery sky before you. “You get to see this every night?”

“Yeah,” Bucky replies a little sheepishly.

“Lucky bastard.” 

You give him a playful smirk, one Bucky returns, and then you’re both sitting down to eat.

Bucky ordered pasta. It sounded good, but more importantly, it’s easy to eat with one hand. No worrying about how he’ll manage to gracefully cut his food, allowing him to focus entirely on you.

“Y’know, I wasn’t actually gonna come on this trip,” you say, peaking up from your meal briefly.

Bucky is slightly startled by your confession, fork hanging in the air. “Really? Why?”

“Mm,” you hum, attention fully on your meal as you cut up a piece of chicken. “Well, my therapist said it would be good for me, so I booked the trip, but then I don’t know. I’ve done one of these before, and after, I just ended up right back where I started. I guess the more I thought about it, I didn’t see the point in going on another one.”

“What was the other one like?”

“Nothing like this.” You smile at him, but he can see a hidden sadness in the depths of your eyes. It makes him hurt on the inside.

The intrigue you create has him wanting to understand everything about you. What brought you here? Is your past just as sorrowfully colorful and depressing as his? 

“What was so bad about where you were before? I mean, before the trip. You said...”

“We all have our demons, don’t we?” You look to him, smile fading and a seriousness taking over your features. “A past we wish we could forget?” 

They’re not really questions you’re looking for answers to, Bucky can sense. And it seems by the knowing look on your face, you have some knowledge about how much truth he finds in those questions. 

“I was in a bad relationship,” you continue in a low voice. “Really bad, for years. It messed with my head and I had a hard time getting out, but eventually I did. And I’ve still got some things I’m working on because of it, but I’m doing better.” There’s another smile on your lips, still small, but more assured this time, silently conveying you are doing better. “I know it’s no comparison to what you’ve been through...”

Bucky is quiet. Processing your words and putting himself in your shoes, but he doesn’t really have to, does he? For years he had been in a tumultuous relationship, used and abused, by a terrible, horrific organization. The difference in severities of his situation versus your situation don’t matter, neither should’ve ever happened.

“It’s still wrong,” he says softly.

You nod in understanding, letting your gaze fall back to your food, but then you’re looking back to Bucky when he speaks again.

“I’m glad you changed your mind.” 

Day 6:

Today, Bucky learns it wasn’t so dumb he brought boots to Costa Rica after all. After breakfast, you had asked him to join you for a hike to a waterfall, and that’s all it took for Bucky to agree. 

The trail is a satisfying challenge through the lush Costa Rican forest. Unsurprisingly it’s hot, sweat building over his entire body, but the promise of a cool swim at the end helps Bucky to push forward. Not to mention the view he has of you as he follows from behind. He’s a little ashamed to admit it, but he’s also only human.

A clearing up ahead and the sound of gushing water tells Bucky the waterfall is close. As he steps through the tree line, the air nearly catches in his lungs when he’s met with the full view of it. Majestic and enchanting, it’s like a painting come to life, and he has to pause for a moment to just take it all in.

“It’s so beautiful,” you say, voice a distant sound to Bucky over the roaring of the falls and his own thoughts.

“Yeah,” he agrees with a soft sigh of disbelief.

Something in Bucky’s peripheral catches his attention—you, taking off your backpack then removing your shirt. He quickly looks away, embarrassment flushing his cheeks and raising his body temperature even more, but his eyes naturally trail back to your figure. 

The bikini top you wear leaves little to the imagination, and Bucky suddenly doesn’t know what to do with himself. He knows he should probably look away, he wants to look away, but seeing you nearly bare and moving around before him is just as mesmerizing as the waterfall. Then his mind finally catches up with what you’re doing, and it has his brow creasing in confusion.

“Um, what are you doing?” He asks, standing motionless a few yards away as he watches you rub what looks to be mud all over your arms and legs.

“It’s volcanic ash mud,” you reply matter-of-factly, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Uh, okay...” 

He remains where he stands, continuing to silently observe you scoop globs of mud from a large hole in the ground.

“One of the packets said mud baths detoxify and rid the body of impurities,” you explain, not looking up from what you’re doing.

Bucky hums in acknowledgment, still not entirely convinced he understands the science behind it.

“Would you mind?” You ask, gesturing to your back as you hold up a handful of the almost black sludge.

Taken slightly aback at your request, Bucky’s eyes widen in surprise and he fumbles for a response. “Uh…yeah…sure, yes.”

“Thanks,” you smile

Slowly, Bucky makes his way over to you. A steadying breath passes through his lips as he steps up to you, and soon the waterfall is forgotten when he watches you turn around to reveal your other side. The skin of your back is smooth, begging to be touched, and Bucky gets lost in the idea of it, frozen in place as his mind tries to register what he’s about to do.

Sure, he’s become comfortable in your company over the past few days, but this is new. Apart from the massage, Bucky can’t remember the last time he shared physical contact with another person. A handshake? Sure. Maybe a hug? Okay. But that was usually with Steve and Steve doesn’t count. The last time Bucky willingly touched another person? Not just a handshake or a brief hug? Well, that’s an even more distant memory than the time he spent all his train money to buy hot dogs at Rockaway Beach with Steve.

“Everything okay?” You softly giggle, glancing over your shoulder at him.

Blinking a few times, he clears his throat to respond. “Yeah, yes.”

Hand shaking and heart racing, Bucky tries his best to hide the nervousness radiating from his being by quickly bringing a glob of mud to your back and spreading it around swiftly. There’s a few times where he lets the touch of his fingers linger around the base of your neck, the cusp of your shoulder, or the bend of your waist. It takes way longer than it should for Bucky to coat your back, but you don’t seem to mind.

“Okay, done,” he finally mumbles, taking a step away from you, gaze falling to the ground below.

When you turn around, you give him another smile in thanks, but it quickly fades when you register his expression. 

Anxious, nervous, even more so than just a few seconds ago, because what if you expect him to take his shirt off now, too? He’s been to the beach with you, but he was able to stay covered up, only sitting together on the chairs and never going for a swim. 

The rise and fall of his chest picks up, crescent moons form in his palm as he clenches his fist, vision tunneling—Bucky easily recognizes what this is. It’s been a while since he’s had a panic attack, and fuck he was doing so well.

“Bucky...” 

He doesn’t hear it right away.

“Bucky...”

A few more times until finally he hears it. His name, soft and warm, falling from your lips and pulling him from his thoughts.

“Sorry.” He reluctantly meets your concerned gaze, but it’s painted in so much understanding it helps to release some of the tension in his chest. 

“You don’t have to apologize,” you gently assure. “You also don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” 

A small smile graces your lips, coaxing a relieved sigh from Bucky. But then he’s looking to the ground again, this time not in fear, but in determination. He’s been trying new things all week, why stop now? You haven’t given him the slightest bit of indication you’re put off by the fact he only has one arm, so why should he worry so much if you see him shirtless? 

The scars.

So many scars. Red and angry reminders of where he’s been, what he’s done. The darkness and violence of his past reflected in the cracked and broken skin. They aren’t pretty to look at, that’s why he worries so much.

Fuck it.

With one final deep breath, Bucky looks to you for a brief moment, jaw clenching as he builds up the courage, and then he does it. He reaches behind his neck, grabs a fistful of his shirt by the collar, and swiftly pulls it over his head.

Instantly, his eyes lock with yours. Chest heaving in anticipation as he waits for the rejection. Waits for you to just say it already—disgusting, foul, put your fucking shirt back on.

But it doesn’t come. 

Instead, you stare almost in amazement at his form. Like you feel so honored and privileged he’s trusted you enough to make himself so vulnerable with you. Tears reflect in your eyes, and he can’t stop his own from welling up because in this moment, he’s never felt so free. 

After several quiet minutes, maybe it’s only seconds, he’s not entirely sure, your voice finally fractures the silence.

“God, you’re fucking hot,” you laugh, a small cry breaking through as a few tears fall.

Bucky laughs, too. In relief, in gratitude, in confidence. 

“Thanks,” he chuckles, bringing his hand to rub at the back of his neck.

“Want some mud?”

He joins you by the mud hole, turning around to give you access to coat his back. The delicate touches of your hands on his body are no comparison to the hot stone massage. This feeling has him easily relaxing and relishing in the tenderness of being touched by another person again.

But as you draw closer to his left shoulder, he instinctively sucks in a breath, body going unintentionally rigid. Your ministrations stop when you feel the tension in his back.

“Is this okay? I don’t want—”

“No, it’s fine,” Bucky promptly replies, taking another deep breath. “It’s just... I haven’t been... It’s okay.”

It is okay, but Bucky can tell you aren’t entirely convinced just yet, as your hand still lingers a bit from his shoulder.

“It’s okay,” he says again with a bit more certainty, turning his head to the side and seeing you nod from his peripheral.

You work in silence as you carefully rub the dark, grainy substance over his shoulder, and down to where his arm used to be.

“I’ve seen you look at it, y’know,” Bucky finally says, his head still turned to the side. “Why haven’t you asked?”

“It’s not my question to ask,” you answer honestly. “Anyways, do you think it would make a difference if I knew the answer?”

“I don’t... I don’t know.”

You stop what you’re doing and nudge him to turn around to face you. Steel blue eyes meet the intense gaze you give him before you respond.

“If I thought it would make a difference, I wouldn’t be here,” you answer simply. “I’ve only known you for a few days, but you have so much to offer, Bucky. This,” you gesture to his missing limb, “means nothing. And if you ever meet someone who thinks otherwise... Well, I don’t think you should be around them, anyways.”

Bucky doesn’t know what to say. He stands in stunned silence, your words resonating inside his mind and tearing down almost every insecurity he’s ever had. He hopes he can hold onto this even after he leaves this place.

“C’mon,” you say, grabbing his hand and pulling him behind you. “We’re gonna jump off the top of that waterfall.”

“Is that safe?”

“Guess we’ll find out.” You turn to give him a playful smirk before letting go and beginning the climb to the top.

It’s a fairly easy climb. There’s plenty of sturdy rocks and holes for him to keep his footing and hoist himself up. It doesn’t take more than five minutes to reach the top, and what a view it is from up here. Standing shoulder to shoulder, Bucky doesn’t know where to look first. From the intense flow of water to the thick greenery of trees and plants, it’s just as surreal from the top, maybe more so, than from down below.

“Oh, this is higher than I thought.”

Bucky looks to you, a smile curling his lips as he registers the traces of regret and uncertainty crinkling your features.

“Nun uh,” he says with a soft chuckle. “You dragged me up here. We’re jumping off.”

He nods his head in reassurance when you turn to him, holding his hand out for you to take. 

“We’ll do it together.”

Silently, you place your hand in his and he grips it like his life depends on it. 

“Ready?” One last look to you before he begins the countdown. “1...2...3!”

Pushing off the rock, Bucky propels forward, his hand never letting go of yours as you both free fall to the pool below. It’s not until he feels the impact of water that he finally releases your hand. Breaking through the surface, he catches his breath, shaking his hair out of his face and he laughs. The exhilaration and adrenaline coursing through his body has him losing control, and he’s in a fit of giggles with you. 

“That was incredible!” You exclaim as you manage to catch your breath.

Bucky doesn’t respond. He’s still laughing to himself, but it slowly begins to die when he catches a glimpse of you and the look in your eye. As you swim closer to him, the beating of his heart picks up. A new surge of adrenaline flows through his body not caused from jumping off a cliff.

Two arms snake over his neck first. Then Bucky feels your legs around his waist, and his right arm wraps around your back to bring your body into his. It’s happening before Bucky can even process it. His lips on yours. Your lips on his. A kiss so full of desperation and passion, shared between two people who hardly know anything about one another, but who know just enough. Even with your body weighing him down in the water, Bucky has never felt lighter.

So caught up in the moment, he doesn’t get the chance to worry if he still remembers how to kiss. If he’s good at it, what he should do with his hand, with his tongue. His body responds how he thinks it should, and he just gets to be here in this moment with you.

Eventually, someone pulls back for air. Bucky thinks it might’ve been you because he’s certain he could kiss you forever. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean—“

“No,” Bucky nearly pants. “No.” 

He pulls you back into him, lips crashing onto yours for another searing kiss, cutting off his voice and any other thoughts you may have about it because there is no need for an apology.

The hike back to the resort takes a little longer, the incessant urge to stop and kiss along the way hard to resist. And as it comes into view, Bucky is desperate to ride out this high for as long as he can.

“Stay with me tonight?” He asks, a glint of hope flashing in his bright blue eyes.

You smile at him, a sense of relief emanating from you because he’s reciprocating the same feelings.

“Of course.”

You come to him later that night, once you’ve both showered and changed, and Bucky doesn’t hesitate to pull you in for yet another kiss. It was only an hour, maybe two, since he last saw you, but it was too much time, too long to be a part. His lips tingled the entire time as he waited to feel yours again. 

And when you climb into bed together, it isn’t sexual or provocative. He holds you close and you curl into his side, a quiet comfort and understanding this is all that’s needed in this moment.  

Day 7:

A soft kiss to his cheek, then another, then another, trailing up his jawline. The faint brush of tender lips to the shell of his ear stirs Bucky from his deep sleep.

“Wake up, sleepyhead,” you whisper, “or we’re gonna miss it.”

“Miss what?” The words come out grainy, voice rumbling deep in his chest as his body fights off the last remnants of sleep.

“The turtles!” You softly exclaim with a giggle. “They’re hatching today. You really didn’t read the brochures, did you?”

“Guess I didn’t need to,” he yawns, eyes still closed as sleep continues to tempt him. “What time is it?”

“Four.”

That pulls Bucky out of his dazed state. “In the morning?!”

“No, the evening,” you laugh with a playful eye roll. “Yes, the morning. Now get up and get ready!”

With little room for argument, Bucky begrudgingly gets out of bed to put some shoes on. Luckily, the turtle hatching isn’t far from his room, and it’s a short walk down the beach. A small group of people have already gathered, apparently four am is just a little bit too early for most people. It is for Bucky, too, but it doesn’t bother him what time it is. When you ask him to do something, he’s there.

The first cracks in the sand appear and everyone goes silent for a moment. Hushed whisperings of awe begin to pick up as one tiny head and a flipper push through. Not too long after the first one, a second head, then a third, and soon there’s a small army of tiny baby sea turtles pouring out of a hole. Instinctively they begin their journey towards the ocean, crawling and pushing forward against any obstacle.

Bucky watches in astonishment. The beginnings of new life, innocent and pure, not yet tainted by the harsh and cruel realities of the world. To be here and witness such an amazing cycle, it’s incredible and overwhelming. It has Bucky thinking about himself, about this journey he isn’t sure he’s quite figured out just yet, understanding he still has time. Time to start over and begin anew. 

His vision blurs and he doesn’t realize he’s crying until he senses your hand slipping into his. A gentle squeeze brings him back down to earth and he blinks away a few tears.

“Thank you,” he whispers, squeezing your hand in return, eyes still on the scene before him.

You don’t say anything. You don’t have to. Instead, Bucky feels you bring yourself closer to him, sliding your other hand up his arm and resting your head on his shoulder.

The rest of the day is spent doing whatever sounds interesting together. Breakfast in Bucky’s room, lounging on the beach, a walk around the resort. At one point, Bucky spots a small group of monkeys and he drags you over to watch them eat some fruit.

Try as he might, Bucky can only live in ignorant bliss for so long, though. Too often his mind pulls him from these happy moments with you to remind him this is it. This is the last day he has with you. He tries to not let that fact sour the mood, and he’s continuously putting on a smile for you. Forced and slightly sad, it’s almost the same as yours when you return it.

As the night draws nearer, he becomes restless and anxious, even more so than he has been all day. There’s something about the receding warmth and light from the sun that creates an incessant reminder of tomorrow and what’s to come. 

But tonight, he’s putting on a brave face and enjoying the final moments he has with you here. The farewell gathering, complete with a bonfire and music, is the last scheduled event for the trip. He silently gets ready in his room, impatiently waiting for you to come to him. 

Giving himself another once over in the mirror by the bathroom, a gentle knock pulls his attention to the door, and he opens it not even a second later. Something told Bucky to bring at least one nice shirt when he packed for this trip, and he’s glad he did. Its just a simple white button up and a pair of jeans, but when he sees the look you give him? He feels like a man worth all the money in the world.

And he’s sure the look he gives you is no different. A sundress, colorful and airy, drapes over your body and flows with your movements. It fits you in the best way possible and Bucky can only stare in disbelief at your effortless beauty. He pulls you in for a kiss before taking your hand in his, leading the way out.

The bonfire comes into view, and it almost reminds Bucky of that first night, except this time, he’s decided to go barefoot and he hasn’t come alone. A group has already formed, a small band is playing live music while drinks and appetizers are being passed around. It’s a night of reflections and staying open to possibilities.

Not too long after arriving, Gerard is calling for everyone’s attention, a final thank you and goodbye for coming.

“We hope you’ve been able to learn something new about yourself, or allowed yourself the chance to see things differently, try new things while you were here. We wish you well on your journey, and hope you’ve found what you were looking for.”

The words resonant with Bucky as he considers them for a moment. He had been so caught up in you he forgot to figure out what his journey was. But then he thinks, maybe it was never just one, obvious thing; one clear idea. He’s tried new things, put himself out there, and he feels almost born again. Looking at the world through a different lens than when he arrived. The world is still scary, yes, but if he knows there are more people in it like you, he thinks he’ll be okay. 

He brings the back of your hand to his lips, placing a chaste kiss to the soft skin. You smile then, and he smiles, too. Feels it crinkling the corners of his eyes and stretching across his face—genuine and full of content. He could live in this moment forever.

Still holding onto your hand, Bucky doesn’t want to let it go, but he feels you both being pulled apart, getting swept up into conversations with other people met throughout the week. As Bucky sits beside Henry, he barely registers anything the older gentleman is saying. Catching snippets here and there, however, most of his attention is on you. Gaze rarely faltering, he watches you talk and laugh with another woman. And he doesn’t miss the glances you make in his direction, either.

The band shifts to play a new song, and you’re dismissing yourself from the woman and walking towards him with a coy smirk on your face. He can read you like a book, and before he can protest, you’re reaching for his hand. Bucky feigns reluctance as he excuses himself from the conversation with Henry, allowing you to pull him up for a dance. 

It’s been awhile since he’s danced. Let his body do whatever it wanted and move to the rhythm of the music. He nearly forgot how much he loves it. 

He twirls you, spins and sways with you, and Bucky is losing himself in the moment. Laughter falls from your lips, and it’s the only song he ever wants to dance to. The fire flickers across your features, illuminating the color of your eyes and brightening your smile. And then he feels it. 

A want begins to build within, burning hotter than any flame. Acting on pure instinct, Bucky brings you into him, hand on your jaw, his lips catching yours. The want quickly turns into something more, something he hasn’t felt in a long time. And when he pulls away, the lust reflecting in your eyes tells him it’s the same for you, too. It lights a renewed fire inside him, lowering his inhibitions and making him feel alive.

Grabbing you by the hand, Bucky stumbles with you through the sand back to his room. Both drunk on each other and the anticipation of what’s to come. The moment the door closes, he pins you against the wall. A fervent kiss to your lips that quickly deepens, tongues interlacing with one another. Bucky’s hand is on your jaw, your neck, trailing down to your waist as you unbutton his shirt. 

He’s desperate for this. Desperate to remember what it’s like to be this way with another person again. It’s been so long he’s forgotten how intense this feeling is—so powerful and unrelenting. 

Bucky senses you’re right there with him. It shows in the needy touches, the quiet moans between kisses. Then, his hand splays on the wall above your head, grounding himself in hopes of not passing out as you undo his jeans and reach inside. 

It’s difficult for Bucky to feel where his body is in space, a whimper falling from his lips as his head rolls back, dizzy and overwhelmed. Only a few slow pumps of your hand has him grabbing your wrist to stop before catching your lips in another eager kiss.

“I need it,” he pants. “I need you.”

Guiding him to the bed, clothes falling to the floor along the way, Bucky follows your lead. He’s feeling bold, yes, but this is all still essentially new to him. Pulling him down on top of you, Bucky quickly settles in the space between your legs, hovering over you he hesitates as a brief realization of what’s happening hits.

“Is this okay?”

“Yes,” you reply with a kiss, “more than okay.”

“I don’t... This is...” he struggles to explain what he’s thinking. He hasn’t don’t this in a while, but he’s still aware of the consequences and precautions. Finally, he just blurts it out. “I’m clean, but I don’t have any protection.”

Stopping the assault on his neck, you pull back, eyes scanning over his features. Heartache and appreciation swirls with the desire that clouds them. 

“I’m clean, too,” you say, voice trailing before you continue lowly, “and I can’t...get pregnant.”

He understands it now. The way you looked at him when he exposed himself to you at the waterfall, because he feels it, too. Sharing something so personal and sensitive, he hopes it’s as liberating for you as it was for him. 

A kiss, one full of respect and promise, as he leans down on his elbow and he slides into you. Slowly pushing in to give you both the chance to adjust, his lips never leave yours. It’s exhilarating and all consuming when he’s fully inside, eyes dampening and body shuddering at the indescribable pleasure. After several timid movements, he’s able to pick up a steady rhythm, gaining a newfound confidence with each thrust and mewl that falls from your pretty lips.

Then there’s a push from your hips and hands to his shoulder, and he’s taking the hint. Thankful for his super human strength, he’s easily able to shift positions and pull you on top with one arm. From this angle, Bucky is dumbfounded as he looks up to you. He’s accepted this new life with only one arm, but fuck if he doesn’t wish he had two in this moment. Hand trailing up your thigh, over the curve of your hip, to the swell of your breasts, anywhere he can reach. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, blue eyes shining in the moonlight. 

Heavy pants, broken whimpers, and soft words of encouragement pass between heady kisses. Fingertips pressing hard into your waist as your bodies work together, and he can feel you begin to tremble, fluttering around him. The fire within reaches unimaginable heights, burning flames of pleasure up his spine and alighting his entire body in euphoria. Pushing into you one last time, hips stalling and flush against yours, he wraps his arm tightly around your waist to keep you as close as possible. He finishes with a low, satisfied grunt deep in his chest.

It takes several still moments full of steadying breaths and hard swallows before he’s coming to. Your eyes, bright and elated, shine down at him, and Bucky pulls you in for one final kiss. 

The moon lowers in the sky, the threat of tomorrow creeping closer and closer, and Bucky finds it difficult to fall asleep. Apparently you do, too. Holding each other close, silently waiting for the inevitable between brief moments of light slumber and lasting kisses. 

Day 8 (Departure):

Morning comes much too soon, and it takes Bucky a moment to realize he isn’t in a dream. Bodies pressed together, bare and vulnerable, just as the two of you were last night. He takes a slow breath through his nose, the warm exhale causing you to stir against him. It encourages him to place a tender kiss to your shoulder, reveling in the feel of your soft skin against his lips again and again and again.

He could get used to waking up this way, he thinks. Tangled in sheets and warm limbs, but then cold, harsh reality seeps in—the trip is over. In a few short hours, you’ll both be on separate planes, back to your own lives.

A heavy silence lingers as you lounge with him in bed, stealing kisses and occasionally adjusting the hold you have on one another. Neither wanting to acknowledge the painful farewell that’s on the horizon, but then the clock is screaming it’s time. 

Wordlessly, he packs his suitcase, folded shirts and precious memories stuffed inside together. After, he walks with you back to your room, quietly sitting as you do the same. The air becomes too thick, constricting his throat and Bucky is finding it harder and harder to look at you; a first since meeting you.

Now, standing in the lobby with you in an attempt to push off the inevitable that little bit more, he briefly thinks how he found it so beautiful when he arrived, now it’s the ugliest thing he’s ever seen.

Your shuttle arrives first. Awkwardly standing together for a moment, neither wanting to be the first to seal this fate. Bucky feels a mix of emotions taking over—sadness it’s over, happiness it happened, and gratefulness he gets to leave with everything you’ve given him. Holding your gaze with a weak smile, he pulls you in for a final kiss goodbye.

“Thank you,” he whispers, forehead resting against yours, “for everything.” He cups your jaw, thumb running soothing strokes along your slightly damp cheek.

“I’m really happy I met you, Bucky,” you softly say.

“I’m so happy I met you.” 

Reluctantly, Bucky lets you go then. He watches you reach for your suitcase and head for the exit, and suddenly a bout of anxiety swirls in his chest as a painful realization hits.

“Wait!” He calls, instantly getting your attention. You look to him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. “I don’t... I don’t have a way to contact you.”

For once, he’s cursing himself for not having a phone. Why did he think he didn’t need one again? He wants to be able to reach out to you once he’s settled back home, but he also wants to assure you what happened last night isn’t a regular thing for him, and it meant a lot. 

It doesn’t paint the best picture—sleeping with someone on the last night of a trip, any confusing thoughts or feelings never having to be dealt with knowing the next day you’ll be far away. That wasn’t his intention, and he’s definitely not that type of guy. He’s almost certain you know it’s not that way, but regardless, he’d really like to be able to talk with you again.

There’s a pause as you consider his words, gaze holding his before responding.

“It’s okay,” you say with a smile and watery eyes. “I’m sure we’ll find each other again.” 

It’s not truly comforting, but there’s something in the way you say it that has Bucky believing it’s true. You give him one last smile, one he is sure to ingrain in his memory, before you turn to leave. As he watches you pass through the sliding doors, Bucky catches sight of something—a sign. Reading it silently to himself, it stirs that same bit of excitement and uncertainty in him the first time he saw it, but now, it’s welcomed and embraced because he’s ready.

Welcome to Metanoia in beautiful Costa Rica! Your journey awaits you...

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bonkyshalfwayto1k #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes smut

[lovebugs-and-snakecharmers]

LBSC Sprint Challenge January 2023

The LBSC Sprint Challenge is now open for writers and artists! The prompts are:

1. Marinette finally manages to teach Luka how to properly cook, only for Anarka to come over, tell her she's not doing it right, burn the food, and promptly leave. 2. Source Casually saying ‘I love you’ when the other person has done something really great for you shouldn’t be that awkward if you two were just friends. But since this is becoming more awkward by the second, you realize that friends is definitely not all you are to each other.  3. Source “No one else looks at me like you do.” “How? What do I look at you like?” “Like I’m someone worth loving.” 4. Source “I know I’m not easy to love.” “Easy enough. I keep doing it by accident.” 5. "I walked into Guitar Center for some strings and walked out with a $600 keyboard. So, uh, I guess I'm learning keyboard now." 6. Wildcard - pick any of the prompts available from our sister blog, @mlweeklyprompts, or any previous challenge prompt.

You have until Wednesday, January 25 to complete your 3 15-minute sprints/45 minute art sprint and post the results. Once you’ve completed the sprints, you have 24 hours to edit (which can include some new writing to smooth transitions and make it feel complete, and whatever work you feel appropriate to get your art to a state you consider ‘finished’).

Please note you may sprint in the language of your choice, and you can either translate the final fic before posting, post it in the original language, or both as you choose. You can join us on the LBSC discord or sprint on your own! Just be sure to tag @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers in your final post so we will see it and reblog it. The rest of the rules can be found here under the cut.

Rules!

We’ll post a beginning and end date to the challenge, and a prompt.

Writers, If you choose to participate in the event, write for that prompt in up to three 15 minute sprints. No writing outside the sprints until you have completed all three! After the 3 sprints are complete, you have 24 hours to edit (which can include some new writing to smooth transitions, etc). You can also choose to break that 45 minutes up differently if you find a different split works better for you.  After those 24 hours, post what you’ve got. Tag your posts with @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers so we can reblog it to the LBSC blog. If you post your work on AO3 or somewhere other than Tumblr, you can leave a link in our ask box or in the appropriate discord channel so we can be sure to promote it. After the designated challenge end date, we’ll compile a listing of the submissions and post it to the LBSC blog.

Feel free to sprint in whatever language is most comfortable to you! You can post it in your own language or translate it before posting, or both!

Artists, you have 45 minutes to sketch and 24 hours to do any cleanup or coloring you’d like to complete. You can split your 45 minutes up however you like, or not at all. There’s no requirements on your finished piece, just aim for whatever goal seems challenging but achievable to you.  Tag your posts with @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers so we can reblog it to the LBSC blog. If you post your work on Instagram or somewhere other than Tumblr, you can leave a link in our ask box or in the appropriate discord channel so we can be sure to promote it. After the designated challenge end date, we’ll compile a listing of the submissions and post it to the LBSC blog.

If you’re wavering as to whether or not you think you can accomplish anything in 45 minutes, we really encourage you to give the challenge a try. You may be surprised what you can do! Feel free to join us in the discord linked above so we can encourage and cheer you on.

Obviously, this has to run a bit on the honor system and we won’t be tracking your times, but please do your best to honor the spirit of the challenge! If your sprint fic becomes an Entire Thing (these things happen sometimes) and you want to continue it, feel free! However, please still post whatever you’ve got after your 3 sprints with the tag. No fair busting out a fully polished fic or art without showing us what it looked like at the challenge stage!

We want to keep this a positive space and event! This does NOT mean that you can’t write or draw anything critical of a character or episode, but it isn’t the space for character bashing or hate either. Please keep the characters in character and save the more speculative work for another time. NSFW sprint works are permitted but must be tagged appropriately (please use “NSFW LBSC sprint challenge” for easy filtering on the blog) and with appropriate warnings.  (More FAQ about the process here)

This is a Lukanette blog and a Lukanette event, so while Lukanette does not need to be the main ship, it needs to at least be included or referenced and considered endgame (in other words, they don’t have to be together by the end of your work, but the intent is that they’re headed in that direction). The decision about what qualifies for reblog rests solely with the LBSC moderators. If a piece hasn’t been reblogged within a couple of days, either the mods felt the piece didn’t meet the criteria or it was simply missed; you are welcome to reach out in the asks to inquire which. There are plenty of other spaces out there for other ships and OT3s, and people are welcome to use the challenge rules and prompts to write for their own ships! They just won’t be reblogged to the LBSC blog, and we ask that you please not use the event tag (a modified form is fine - “InsertAlternateShipName sprint challenge” instead of “LBSC sprint challenge,” for example).

Happy sprinting!

#lbsc sprint challenge #lukanette #endgame lukanette #lukanette endgame #luka couffaine #marinette dupain cheng #pro lukamari

[rae-writes]

HxH headcanons

Feitan Portor x reader, Hisoka Morow x reader, Illumi Zoldyck x reader, Kite x reader 

prompt : “You’re Perfect” 

word count : 1.k 

warnings : implied smut, I guess? How your imagination continues the headcanons is up to you- 

Part 2 here 

Feitan Portor

Feitan was a quiet, distant type of lover 

Quality time together meant sitting beside each other in silence, just doing your own things

Which is what you were currently doing 

He had just come from a mission, he had a split, bloody lip and his bandanna wasn’t covering his face for once

So naturally, you were staring 

Honestly how could you not

But your sometimes frustratingly blunt boyfriend interrupted your gazing with a “Stop staring.”

You blinked, tilting your head, “why?”

Feitan scoffed, narrowing his eyes at you, “there’s nothing special to stare at so stop.”

The words came out of your mouth almost immediately, “Yes there is. You’re perfect.”

His eyes widened and he just stared at you with a type of disbelief that felt...sad 

“You’ve never treated me wrong despite everyone calling you a monster. The way you subtly grab onto me when we’re in public never fails to make my heart race. You’re usually really quiet, so it’s special to me when you open up and talk to me a lot when we're in private. All of my friends tell me I’m crazy for loving you and that I should leave before you hurt me but I know you would never do something like that. I wouldn’t have my life any other way; I truly can’t live without you Feitan. You’re just...perfect for me.” 

Standing up, you made your way to him with a smile 

The shock on his face didn’t disappear as he looked away from you with a baby pink color coated on his cheeks 

You grabbed his bandanna, preventing him from covering his face, and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek 

Feitan’s eyes found yours for a few seconds before he was picking you up, bringing you to the small bed in your shared “room” 

He was oddly quick to settle down and cuddle you close. Feitan didn’t say a word, but you could feel a genuine smile resting against your neck

The smile was soon replaced by open mouthed kisses trailing up your neck 

When he finally reached your face, despite the smile being gone, you could clearly see the joy in his eyes 

You leaned up, giving him a tender kiss in return but that didn’t seem to be enough for Feitan’s excited state 

He spoke to you in his native tongue, and while you didn’t understand what he was saying, the sound was still alluring 

Feitan leaned in once again, this time only brushing his lips against yours. If this was a game he wanted to play, who were you to deny your ecstatic boyfriend?

Hisoka Morow 

Hisoka was unabashedly getting dried off and dressed right in front of you 

So you unabashedly took the opportunity to stare at him the entire time 

You could practically hear the smirk on his face without even having to look at it 

“And just what might you be staring at darling?” 

“You.”

The chuckle that echoed through the apartment sent shivers down your spine 

“And why’s that?” 

“Because you’re perfect.”

Hisoka just kind of froze, his eyes widening for just a fraction of a second before the smirk reappeared on his face, although this time it didn’t reach his eyes 

“Oh? You think I’m perfect do you?” 

You hummed, going along with his little game

“Yes. Some think your bloodlust is really off putting but I think it’s pretty hot, especially when it’s directed at someone who tried to fuck with me. There’s this certain look and tone that’s only reserved for me and I am certainly happy to be on the receiving end of them. You’d probably deny it, had I ever brought it up, but sometimes when we’re just laying next to each other, you start humming a melody with a really soft smile on your face which makes my heart explode every time. You’re absolutely perfect.”

You had a tiny smirk on your face when you finished because of the look he had taken on 

Hisoka’s usually narrowed eyes were wide, pupils completely dilated. His cheeks were dusted with a dark red and his mouth was slightly parted

He slowly stalked forward, only half naked, and picked you up by your thighs 

Soon you found yourself resting against the nearest wall with Hisoka’s mouth attached to your neck 

A breathy laugh escaped you, your hand coming up to card through his hair

Illumi Zoldyck 

Being with the eldest Zoldyck son was...challenging to say the least

Of course, you understood that he was definitely unhinged and unaffectionate because of his upbringing but sometimes it made you want to rip your hair out 

So you two were sitting on opposite ends of your couch, having just been in an argument

Although it’s more like “argument” considering Illumi will just stand there, emotionless in both look and tone when you’re trying to be serious and express your feelings 

And naturally, that hurt a bit (a lot) 

You’d never tell him but sometimes you felt like you were the only one in the relationship and that he didn’t actually care about you 

So while you were sitting in silence trying to calm down, your eyes wandered over to the man you loved 

You always thought Illumi was the prettiest thing you’d ever laid eyes on

“You’re staring.”

You made a small noise of confirmation and just continued to look over his features

He reached over, grabbing you and pulling you to his side 

The assassin’s mouth parted to speak, but before he could get the monotonous words out you spoke up-

“You know you’re perfect, right ‘Lumi?”

He blinked, visibly perplexed at your quiet exclamation 

“Despite how you were raised you somehow started caring for someone as useless as me. Whether what you feel is really love or...something else, I never really get tired of you being in my life. I don’t care that on most days, I have to wake up at an ungodly hour just to see you before you leave. It also doesn’t matter that you're gone for days to weeks on end as long as you come back to me. You’re all I have and I think you’re just...perfect. Exactly the way you are.” 

You couldn’t see his expression cause your face was now hidden in his chest but you could hear the way his heartbeat quickened and how the grip he had on you tightened 

It was quiet for a while before Illumi’s soothing, quiet voice filled the room, “I love you.” 

You couldn’t fight the smile that stretched across your face as you shyly looked up at your boyfriend 

His hand reached out to caress your jaw and the other shifted you atop his lap

“I promise I’ll start showing you more frequently.” 

Those words rocked you to your core. He was gonna try to go out of his comfort zone just for you? 

“Illumi…” his name was a breathless whisper as he leaned in to capture the sound with his lips 

Kite 

Kite was, to put it simply, not one for a lot of fun 

While he wasn’t exactly stoic, he did take his work very seriously and didn’t care too much for horsing around 

However, by some miracle, you got him to go swim in a nearby lake with you 

And Kite actually let loose. He was laughing and splashing the water around with you- even playing Marco Polo much to your delight (although he kept winning every single time) 

After a couple hours you two were just floating about, having small chit chat 

When you finally stood up and let your feet touch the bottom, you were met with a serene sight 

Kite was floating on his back, long white hair sprawled out in the water like wings. His face was relaxed and dare you say angelic 

“Hey Kite?” 

“Hmm?” 

“You’re perfect.” 

Those simple words made Kite lose his relaxed posture, standing up abruptly and staring at you with a slight blush 

“Eh?” 

You laughed, swimming closer to him, “I said you’re perfect.” 

“I know what you said I mean why would you say that”

You could sit and laugh for hours at the look on his face but instead you cradled the sides of his face in your hands 

“Because. I’ve always thought you were admirable, you know, not just anyone can come from where you did and get the chance to say they’re truly happy. Plus, I get the honor to be the one trusted with your heart. You really do amaze me Kite, whether it be your looks, your brain, or your personality, you never cease to amaze me. And I thought it was finally time I let you in on all those secrets of mine. So yeah...you’re perfect to me.” 

You’ve always lived for vulnerable moments with Kite but this...this would be the most cherished one. 

He was looking at you with such a soft look in his eyes, tears were even starting to form 

Wiping them away, you smiled. “Kite?” 

“I love you.” Those words were spoken with a breathless tone and maybe even a hint of desperation 

“I love you I love you I love you-“ his kiss was definitely desperate, but in a meaningful way. The needy grabbing of his calloused hands almost sent you into a frenzy 

You pushed him back slightly to look into his hazel eyes, which were filled to the brim with all different kinds of love 

Your breaths mingled together from the close proximity and you wanted nothing more than to show him all of your love. “I love you too.”

#hxh headcanons #hxh x reader #hxh #illumi x reader #feitan x reader #feitan portor #illumi zoldyck #hisoka x reader #hisoka morow #kite x reader #kite hxh #hunterxhunter headcannons #hunter x hunter x reader #hunter x hunter

[wonpilsonefeel]

Here’s a prompt list for request.

Ask for a minimum of one number (can be more) and pairing. Also add if you want it to be angst, smut or fluff.

ALSO MY ANON PART AINT WORKING BUT I WILL KEEP YALL ANON.

I didn’t come up with these prompts.

1. "How long have you been staring at that screen?"

2. "Do you really want to test me?"

3. "How did I end up watching this?"

4. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just worried someone is going to take you away from me.”

5. “I just want to hug you and never let go.”

6. “You’re an adult! Act like it!”

7. “Did you seriously patch up a stab wound with scotch tape?”

9. “Are you stuck?”

10. “Man, you sure got knocked around a lot today.”

11. “Just the idea of anything happening to you makes me feel physically sick.”

12. A miscommunication leads to everyone being told Person A is dead, and Person B does not handle it well. When Person A shows up completely fine, Person B is overjoyed. 

13. “It shouldn’t be physically possible for me to love you this much.”

14. “What would you do if I died?” “Can we not talk about this?”

15. “They’re too good for you.”

16. “You look so cute in pajamas

17. “You’re my favorite person ever.”

18. “I love you so much I don’t know what to do.”

19. “You need to be more careful!”

20. “Why are we on the roof?”

21. “I know it’s wrong, but I love you.”

22. Why are you like this?”

23. I can handle myself. You don’t need to protect me.”

24. I miss you.” 

25. You are not fine, you’re bleeding!”

26. Look, I really screwed up and I need advice.”

27. I hope you’re here to apologize.” “Is there something you want to tell me?”

28. You are sick, therefore I am going to take care of you. End of discussion.

29. I’m fine. It was just a nightmare. You don’t need to worry.”

30. I just want to cuddle.”

31. Every day I get to spend with you is the best day.”

32. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

33. “You have the most amazing smile.”

34. “You’re just not intimidating. Sorry.”

35. “Stop whacking me with that stupid rubber chicken!”

36. “Stop kicking me under the table!”

37. “What are you, five?”

38. “I heard a loud sound. Are you okay?”

39. “Why are you wearing my shirt?”

40. “How on Earth did you get so muddy?”

41. “Close your eyes. Don’t peek.”

42. “You know, it’s hard to stay upset when I’m holding you this close.”

43. Person A spends the entire day throwing things at Person B, just for fun.

44. Person A keeps stealing Person B’s snacks.

45. You should really get some sleep.”

46. I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

47. I hate children. They’re the worst.”

48. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

49. I wish you’d stop saying that.”

50. Person A tries (and fails) to convince everyone they aren’t in love with person B. 

51. I’m having a long day, okay?” 

52. Stop treating me like a child!”

53. I hate it when you rhyme my name with things.”

54.

55. Small kisses littered across the other’s face.

56. A small, fleeting kiss - which is immediately followed by a passionate, hungry kiss.

57. A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond.

58. An accidental brush of lips followed by a pause and going back for another, on purpose.

59. Throwing their arms around the other person’s neck, hugging them close before kissing them passionately on the lips.

60. Wild, breathless kisses brought on by a heartfelt gift.

61. French kisses where they trace every tooth with their tongues as though trying to memorize them.

62. Laying a gentle kiss to the back of the other’s hand.

63. A kiss that lasts so long, they are sharing each other’s breaths.

64. A hello/good-bye kiss that is given without thinking - where neither person thinks twice about it.

65. Morning kisses that are exchanged before either person opens their eyes, kissing blindly until their lips meet in a blissful encounter.

66. Sneaking away to a hidden corner to share a secretive kiss.

67. Butterfly kisses against the other’s cheeks.

68. A kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished.

69. A fierce kiss that ends with a bite on the lip, soothing it with a lick.

70. One person pouting, only to have it removed by a kiss from the other person.

71. Tucking their hands beneath the other person’s shirt, just to watch them break the kiss and gasp in surprise at the sensation of cold/warm hands on their skin.

72. Teasing kisses where one person blows air into the other’s mouth and runs away.

73. One person stopping a kiss to ask “Do you want to do this?”, only to have the other person answer with a deeper, more passionate kiss.

74. Kissing in a stairwell, giving them an artificial height difference.

75. A chaste kiss given to each other because they are in mixed company.

76. A kiss that is leading to more, but is interrupted by a third party.

77. A kiss that tastes of the food/dessert they are eating.

78. Deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull them closer.

79. Wet kisses after finding refuge from the rain.

80. Brushing a kiss along the shell of the other person’s ear.

81. Kisses exchanged while one person sits on the other’s lap.

82. One person tracing the other’s lips with a fingertip until they can’t resist any longer, tilting their chin towards them for a kiss.

83. Staring at each other’s lips for a moment before moving closer, as if drawn together by some unseen force.

84. Weak, sweaty kisses because it’s unbearably hot.

85. Pulling away from a kiss, whispering words of love against each other’s lips.

86. A kiss so passionate, so perfect - that after they part, neither person can open their eyes for a few moments afterwards.

87. An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it.

88. Kisses that start on their fingers and run up their arm, eventually ending on their lips.

89. An awkward kiss given after a first date.

90. Starting with bunny kisses before moving on to soft kisses.

91. Cleaning the other person’s lips with a lick and a kiss.

92. Whispering “I love you” before a chaste, delicate kiss.

93. Kissing tears from the other’s face.

94. A gentle kiss that quickly descends into passion, with little regard for what’s going on around them.

95. Kisses shared under an umbrella.

96. Distracting kisses from someone that are meant to stop the other person from finishing their work, and give them kisses instead.

97. A kiss pressed to the top of the head.

98. Tentative kisses given in the dark.

99. Kisses exchanged as they move around, hitting the edges of tables or nearly tripping over things on the floor before making it to the sofa, or bed.

100. A lingering kiss before a long trip apart.

101. A kiss paired with a tight hug, knocking the breath out of the person being hugged.

102. One person has to bend down in order to kiss their partner, who is standing on their tip-toes to reach their partner’s.

103. Short and sweet kiss after meeting up for a date.

104. A kiss, followed by more that trail down the jaw and neck.

105.

106. Little one jumping in puddles wearing rain boots.

107. Shopping for nursery furniture for little one.

108. Holding the little one for the first time.

109. Being immensely proud when little one takes their first steps alone.

110. Little one’s first reaction to seeing/feeling snow.

111. Singing nursery rhymes to get little one to sleep.

112. Finger painting with little one.

113. Little one getting food all over their face.

114. Going on a walk together with little one.

115. Little one coming to sleep with you after having a bad dream.

116. Picking out little one’s first Halloween costume.

117. Little one’s first birthday.

118. Keeping little one from trying to eat crayons.

119. Little one’s first trip to the zoo or aquarium.

120. Showing little one a lightning bug for the first time.

121. Little one sticking their toes in their mouth.

122. Little one pulling on your hair with surprising strength.

123. Helping little one go down a slide at the park.

124. Little one needing an emergency bath.

125. Tickling little one’s chubby thighs until they laugh.

126. Singing songs and rocking little one to sleep.

127. Reading a book with little one on your lap.

128. Having to show little one that the food tastes good by having some too.

129. Playing airplane/train to get little one to open their mouth and take a bite of food.

130. Little one chasing after bubbles to pop them.

131. Playing peek-a-boo with little one.

132. Little one snuggling with a stuffed animal.

133. Playing “This Little Piggy” on little one’s toes.

134. Having little one help mix cookie dough.

135. Little one eating a slice of fruit and getting juice all down their chin.

136. Kissing little one where they got hurt to make the pain go away.

137. Little one stripping their clothes and running around in their diaper.

138. Waking up to little one crying out in their sleep.

139. Little one biting everything they can stick in their mouth as they teethe.

140. Little one sticking pretzel sticks up their nose.

141. Little one leaving sticky fingerprints on everything they touch.

142. Having little one help flip pancakes.

143. Giving little one a raspberry on their tummy after changing their diaper.

144. Watching little one go in and out of the kiddie pool.

145. Little one pointing out colors and shapes that they recognize.

146. Having little one wear their first formal wear.

147. Little one drifting off to sleep with a smile on their face.

148. Little one settling down after you finally figure out what they need.

149. Choosing little one’s name together.

150. Watching little one attempt to blow the seeds off a dandelion.

151. Little one getting in a laughing kick where everything is funny.

152. The first time little one picks their own outfit.

153. Little one chasing down the pet to rest their head on them and hold them tight.

154. Being unable to stay mad at little one when they give you puppy dog eyes.

155. Little one playing dress up with a grown-up set of shoes.

156.

157. Holding their hands when they are shaking.

158. Tucking the sheets around them when they stir during the night.

159. Traveling long distances just to see them.

160. Making their favorite meal when they are having a hard day.

161. Giving them a kiss before going to work and they are still in bed.

162. Tucking your head into their neck during a hug.

163. Lightly kissing on top of a freshly formed bruise.

164. Buying them something unrequested because it made you think of them.

165. Participating in their hobby even if it doesn’t personally interest you.

166. Sitting in comfortable silence while eating a meal.

167. Telling them a dumb joke just to see their smile.

168. Following their family traditions that they enjoy.

169. Playing your fingers through their hair while sitting next to them on the couch.

170. Singing and dancing to their favorite song.

171. Calming them down when they have a bad dream.

172. Having a tickle fight until you’re breathless.

173. Folding their clean laundry and putting it away.

174. Sharing a soft smile across a crowded room.

175. Bringing them a plate of their favorite sliced fruit.

176. Washing their back/hair in the shower.

177. Sharing your umbrella with them in the rain.

178. Listening to them while they vent.

179. Taking a picture together to print and hang later.

180. Tracing your names together in the sand.

181. Wearing clothes in their favorite color.

182. Doing a chore for them that you know they aren’t fond of.

183. Leaving a plate of food in the microwave for when they have a late shift.

184. Sharing a drink with them from the same straw.

185. Tucking their hair behind their ear to help them get it out of their face.

186. Helping scratch that itch on their back they can’t reach.

187. Pulling a chair out for them to sit down at the table.

188. Wrapping a blanket around them when they are sitting on the couch and watching a show.

189. Throwing away their piles of tissues when they have a cold.

190. Mending an item of their clothing that was ripped.

191. Running out in the middle of the night to get a food item they’re craving.

192. Helping brush their hair after a shower.

193. Making sure to be quiet while they’re taking a nap.

194. Letting them warm their cold hands under your shirt.

195. Giving them your dessert when you eat out because it’s their favorite.

196. Making a goofy face until they notice and laugh.

197. Giving them space when they express wanting to have some time alone.

198. Holding their hand while walking, even if there isn’t a crowd.

199. Holding shopping bags that are too heavy for them.

200. Standing between them and a busy road.

201. Rubbing the back of their hand with a thumb.

202. Giving them a back massage when they flop on the couch or bed.

203. Staying up half the night to finish a game with them.

204. Getting them a coffee just the way they like it.

205. Giving them a tight hug that makes them lose their breath.

206. Buying them a special treat when you go out shopping.

#day6 drabble #nct drabble #exo fluff #seventeen #monsta x #taeyong drabble #wonpil drabble #suho smut #vernon imagine #kpop scenarios #bts imagines #stray kids #got7 #ateez fanfic

[justoneday-namjoonii]

Quarters. | 9

☼1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 

prompt: “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” — soul-gazing

pairing: Jungkook x reader

warnings/au: please keep warnings in mind—dysfunctional relationship with a capital D, toxic relationship themes, but they’re attempting to get better, probably inaccurate therapy but i tried, m-ish, humor(i try), mentions of drug usage, cheater cheater pumpkin eater?, fluff, angst, boxer!au, iceskater!au. 

authors note: Hello!!💖it’s been a while since the last update but here we are. ✨This chapter is pretty long✨. Unlike some of the other parts, it is following the timeline of the previous part(pt. 8) so just keep that in mind. See m.list for other parts. Enjoy!🥰

“Do it again, you need to stop relying on your right leg so much!”

Your coach yells for the third time in the last hour, she’s being a tyrant today. Your poor ankles are about to break off, your legs are straining and the cold air is starting to feel like vengeful needles. It’s been about two months since the incident with your leg and the doctor at your last check up granted you freedom to skate again. You’re glad it did to because you were about to go crazy. After the scandal came out about you and your ex-coach judge, she asked you if you wanted to get back into pairs. She went on about how Lucas was open to joining pairs again and that maybe you could get back with him—tempting offer. You’ve thought about it, though you still haven’t made a decision. It has been months since your injury, you can no longer use it as an excuse to take things easy. 

Determined to get it right, you skate back to your starting point and try it again. You skate forward, bending your knees just slightly to gain more momentum and once you turn, you take off into a triple salchow. Perfect.

”Finally,” You mutter, skating over to the edge of the rink where your coach is just getting off a phone call.

“Okay, Lucas will be here on Thursday to practice with you,” She smiles, tucking her phone in her pocket, “there’s a competition in two months and I think you two should sign up for it.”

“Coach, I haven’t decided if I want to get back into that,” You put on your blade guards and walk over to the lockers, “I just don’t know yet.”

“Think about it,” She leans against the lockers as you untie your skates and put them in your bag, “if you’re seriously pursuing this career, you have to be flexible. You’re not getting any younger. I hate it just as much as you do but you’ll get positive exposure with him and maybe even pick up a sponsor for the season.”

“Fine,” You zip up your duffel bag and slip your hoodie on, deciding to leave the yoga pants on, “but I need a break. I worked a night shift last night so I’m only standing because I took three espresso shots and I’m about to take another one, I’m exhausted.”

“I know you are, try to get some rest this weekend. You’ll be at the ballet studio for half of next week so you won’t be on the ice,” She says that, hoping it’ll give you some relief, “just don’t forget to soak your feet tonight.”

You gather your stuff and walk out of the center, waving at Carrie the desk clerk like a zombie. It’s only 8 o’clock but you’ve been here for two hours, you feel like you’re in a time loop. An eternal warp created to keep you totally spent. When you hop in your car, you crank it up and turn the heat on. Not long after, your eyelids begin to feel heavy so you drive over to the closest coffee shop. When you look down at your phone, you see a missed call from Jeon Jungkook. All prior emojis have been removed from his contact.

His call will stay missed, just like the other five. You’re not in the mood for his sob story. About two weeks ago, you decided that you two needed to take a break but he took it hard. You remember sitting on your couch with crossed arms and staring at him as he twisted and squirmed uncomfortably.

“What kind of break?”

Are there different kinds?

“The kind where we stop seeing each other all the time, I don’t know what kind that is, Jungkook. But I can’t deal with this right now, it’s causing me major stress and anxiety...”

“You can’t deal with me?” He sounds hurt.

“Not with you Jungkook, with your crap. I have a ice skating career to try to work out, a job, school, the last thing I need to worry about is whether you can control yourself,” You frown, “you were just at my house with my niece and next thing I know you’re out getting high and fooling around with other girls.”

“You’re still upset about the photo,” He concludes, “baby, I told you, it didn’t go anywhere with that girl, I pushed her off. I wasn’t completely sober but I know I didn’t let her-”

“That’s exactly my point, you were doing drugs. And for what? You don’t need it. I understand a little bit of smoking every now and then but I can’t handle when you do that other stuff. That night was a disaster. I got stabbed, how does that even happen? But of course, it would happen to me,” You massage the sides of your temples. “I’m just over it, I’m tired.”

“You want to give up on us? Just like that? I’ve apologized a thousand times, I don’t know how to prove to you that I’m sorry,” He twiddles his fingers and bites at his bottom lip, “I don’t know what else to do.”

“I’m not giving up,” You defend, “we need some space to work on our selves.”

“Why can’t we work on ourselves together?”

“We’ve been doing that and it doesn’t work.”

The conversation continued on until you two ended up arguing for a good hour before you lied, saying you had to go to class. He left and you haven’t heard from him since, not a a call, a text, a call, not even a like on any of your recent posts. He’s taking this well.

*

“Why did you do that!? She’s gonna think I called her,” Jungkook snatches the phone from Jimin, “fuck, are you trying to get me killed?”

“Come on,” Jimin roles his eyes with a grin, putting his boxing gloves back on, “you guys can’t stay away from each other, you expect me to believe you two aren’t talking-”

“I’m serious, we haven’t talked for weeks,” Jungkook locks his phone with a frown, tucking it in his gym bag, “she’s done with me.”

“Oh, aw man,” He is serious, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you guys broke up.” 

He had been by you and Jungkook for the entirety of the relationship, it always seemed like you preferred things to be spontaneous. Admittedly, he knew Jungkook would do something that pushed you over the edge one day but he didn’t think it would be so soon. 

“We didn’t break up,” Jungkook mumbles, tying his hair back with a head band, “we’re just taking a break, that’s what she told me at least.”

“Aw, that sucks,” Jimin has to contain his amusement, it’s not funny but the fact that Jungkook is giving you full control over the relationship is unusual to him.

“Every time I think about trying to talk to her, I just remember that face she makes and that tone she uses. That’s when I know she does not give a single fuck, it’s scary.” 

“Is there a reason she’s being so hard on you? Don’t get me wrong, you were in the wrong. You shouldn’t have been there but it’s been weeks.”

“Her past relationship was rough on her mentally and emotionally. When she was young she had some things happen to her that causes her to have a hard time trusting others.”

“If you knew that then why did you do what you did?”

“I don’t know, okay? Everyone's been beating me up about it but I just don’t have an answer for you. I said I was sorry,” Jungkook shakes his head, fists making brunt contact with the punching bag, “I just I miss her,”

“It’ll be alright, she’ll come around,” Jimin holds the bag, keeping it still for the lovesick boy, “just give it some time. Hey, I’m taking my niece to the ice-skating rink in town, you should come!”

Jungkook, dramatically collapses to the ground, laying back on the ground with his boxing gloves on his face. “Ice-skating, why would you suggest ice-skating!?” He whines. “That’s literally what she does, it’s just going to remind me of her...”

“Aw Kook, I know,” Jimin can’t help but giggle at Jungkook’s overreaction, “that’s okay, you’ll be fine, and besides,” He pulls him up from the ground and pushes his shaggy hair back, “you can’t stay away from each other forever..”

“What about this one?” You step out of the dressing room, turning from side-to-side to let her see, “I like the color.”

“That’s the one,” Harmony scrolls through her phone, eyes going between you and the screen, “perfect.”

“Harmony, you’re just saying that!” You whine, turning to look into the mirror again with a frown.

“Y/n, this is the 11th dress you’ve tried on, it looks great. I’m serious.”

“Okay, I’ll go with this one then,” You smile, going back in the dressing room to change back into your clothes. Yuna’s having a party for the charity she works with. All of the money donated goes to buying toys and clothes for kids in foster care and orphanages, you attend every year. 

“You know, I heard Jungkook might come with Taehyung,”

Ugh, you forgot that your groups of friends are also friends. Jeon Jungkook, you still consider him your boyfriend in some aspects, but you don’t want to face him right now. Maybe you’re dragging this out too far but honestly, you don’t care. You love him but right now, you’re doing too well to let him crawl himself back into your life. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t creeping on his social media every now and then, you do care enough to see how he’s doing on there. 

“Hm,” 

“That’s all you have to say?” She giggles.

“Yup.”

“Did you officially dump his ass yet?”

You step out of the dressing room, rolling your eyes harder than necessary.

“Look, what happened to you was terrible. You couldn’t skate because of him. You caught him with another girl and you still let him take you home,” She was still bitter about Jungkook taking you away the way he did, she still thinks she should have insisted more.

You clear your throat, “I rather not talk about it.” 

It’s been admittedly awkward every time one of your friends bring that night up. On one hand, you understand why they bash him so hard but on the other hand, it’s hard to hear. You two leave the mall and grab lunch to eat in the comfort of your car..

During this break, you’ve decided to try and take things slow, relax. Admittedly, it would be nice to have Jungkook around again, to run errands with, to cuddle with. It’s hard not to miss him, you knew it would be. 

“We should go to the pop-up ice-skating rink on campus today, it’s a family thing I think,” Harmony squeezes ketchup onto her fries with a thoughtful him, “it sounds fun.”

“It’s funny you say that, Lucas invited me to go ther. He was going to go with his family, I told him I probably wouldn’t be able to.” You sigh.

“Oh, that’s right! The prince is back in town,” Harmony always had a thing for Lucas, even in high school. When you two were partners years ago, she still had a crush on him, “then we definitely should go. Are you getting back into pairs with him?

“Yeah, we’ll do one season together next year.” You have to admit, you are excited to get back into the practice with one of your best friends. 

“I’ll definitely have to brush up on my ballet lessons and I was always a bit too shaky during lifts. Our instructions used to say if I don’t look comfortable during lifts on the stable ground, I can’t expect to look good while I’m being lifted and Lucas is still skating. I trust Lucas a lot more now so I think it’ll go well,”

“Jungkook will love that.”

You take a bite of your chicken sandwich with a heavy sigh, “He’ll live...”

“Uncle,” Yona sits with her little brother in the back seat while they wait for Jungkook to finish pumping the gas, “why does your friend look so grumpy? Doesn’t he want to go skating with us?”

Jimin glances back at Yona and smiles, thinking of how he should explain Jungkook’s situation. “He’s just upset, he’s fine.”

“What is he upset about?” Jimin hesitates for a moment but Jungkook signals that he’s running inside for something.

“Well,” He turns to face her, “can you keep a secret?” She eagerly nods. “Kookie is a little sad because he misses his girlfriend.”

“Oh, what happened to her?” Yona frowns, fearing what Jimin might say.

“Nothing happened to her, he’s okay, they just haven’t seen each other in a long time,” He rakes his brain, trying not to say too much about Jungkook’s love life, “but it’s okay, he’s alright. Just try to understand, he’s not trying to be a grump, he’s just a big teddy bear who pretends to be tough when he’s sad,” He grins, “but don’t tell him I said that.”

“Oh,” She nods adorably, pitying Jungkook, “I won’t,”

in the nick of time, Jungkook comes back with a receipt and mumbles something about the poor management in the convenience store. Jimin notices how Yona looks at him with sympathetic eyes but Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too wrapped up in his phone to see that a 9-year-old is pitying his dysfunctional love-life.

It doesn’t take long before the four of them arrive at the skating rink and Jimin is helping, Juda, Yona’s sleepy 5-year-old brother out of the car. Yona takes the liberty of escorting her self out and walking over to Jungkook.

“Hi,” She looks up at him, not even a little intimidated by his towering stature over herself.

Jungkook looks around, as if she’s talking to someone else. “Hi,” He gives her a small wave, “it’s Yona, right?”

“Yes,” She nods, walking by his side, “uncle said your girlfriend skates, do you skate too?” 

Jungkook mentally cringes, bracing himself for whatever Jimin told this little girl about his personal life. “No, I’m a boxer, she’s the skater.”

“Ahh, ice skating is prettier than boxing, you should ice skate too,” She looks back at Jimin and Juda walking side by side, wondering if she should walk with them or stay with Jungkook. Just when she was about to further judge Jungkook’s life choices, Jimin and Juda catch up. Jimin leads the four of them to the skate rental booth where Jungkook avoids eye contact with the girls behind the counter. It’s hard enough to be in your environment, let alone be surrounded by couples and families skating to their hearts content. It’s not the same without you, it doesn’t feel like he should even be trying to enjoy himself after what he did to you.

Jimin and the kids get their skates on, but Jungkook tells them to go ahead without him. The more he sits here, the less he wants to be here.

*

“We decided to come and skate for a little bit, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to take your invitation, I didn’t think I’d be able to come.” You and Harmony skate out onto the ice.

Lucas stands at the edge of the rink, smiling. “It’s okay, I’m here with my family so don’t sweat it, hey! You wanna practice a routine, for old time sake?”

“There are way too many people to be practicing a routine. Besides, I’m already sore from practice yesterday.”

“Where’s your boyfriend? I thought you told me he skates with you sometimes,” He skates a circle around you, a toothy grin on his face, “I want to meet him.”

“He was busy,” You lie. You don’t know where Jungkook is or what he’s doing, “It’s just us.″

Somehow, he believes you and skates off with his family while you breathe.

“You lie,” Harmony shakes her head as if to say shame on you.

“What was I supposed to say? I’m not gonna burden him with my personal problems.”

You two go back and forth until she surrenders, claiming she’ll leave you a Jungkook’s relationship out of her mouth for the rest of the day. You highly doubt she can but you appreciate the effort. 

Nononononono—why is he here? And blonde. Your eyes widen, your palms get sweaty, just seeing him affects you. You’ve missed him. Judging by the way he’s sitting on the bench with his skates beside him, he looks sad. Who is he here with? 

”Y/n, Harmony, hey!” Jimin skates over to you with two little kids by his side, they’re so cute. “What’re you two doing here?”

”Jimin? Hi, fancy meeting you here, we decided to come last minute,” You’ve connect the dots now, “who are these two cuties?”

“I’m babysitting my niece and nephew,” He holds both of your hands and the both of them say a shy little greeting, “say hello guys,”

“Hi,” Yona waves at you two and you greet her with a bright smile.

Jimin glances back at Jungkook who has yet to notice you. “Y/n, can I talk to you for a minute?” You nod.

“Harmony can you please watch them for a second?”  “Me? Um, I guess but-”

You skate to the edge of the rink and Jimin follows, you already anticipating what this conversation is about.

“Jungkook is here.”

“I know, I saw him,” You deadpan.

“Look, I know what happened between you guys and he probably doesn’t want me to say this, but he’s been the biggest bitch since you two split, I’ve never seen him so at odds with himself.”

“What am I supposed to do about that? That’s not my fault.” You frown.

“I’m not saying that you need to do anything,” Now he understands what Jungkook meant about your infamous tone. “I just wanted to let you know, I figured you haven’t talked.”

“I’m sorry,” You hold your face in your hands, “I’m not trying to be mean, I just have a lot on my mind and I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with him today.”

“Maybe you two can talk, I’m not saying you should get back together but maybe talking face to face will help you find common ground?”

That’s advice that you know you should take but the thought of talking to him makes your stomach uneasy. It’s easier to ignore him, erase him from your life while you figure out what you want. You’re very childish in the aspect of talking things out, he is too.

“Here he comes,” Jimin looks over at Jungkook who is slowly approaching you two, “I’ll give you two some space-”

“Jimin, I swear, if you did this on purpose!-” Your threat is cut short when he skates away and Jungkook skates up to you. As if you don’t even see him, you quickly skate away, uninterested in anything he might have to say.

Jungkook knows he can’t possibly out-skate you. He mumbles a few curses before skating over to Jimin and the kids as frustrated as ever. For a moment, he almost changed course because Harmony, his biggest hater, is with them and she is one of the last people he wants to see.

“Jungkook, hey,” Jimin sighs, dreading the angry frown in Jungkook’s brows, “I’m glad you decided to-”

“Did you know she was here?” Jungkook cuts straight to the punch, not paying any mind to Harmony whose staring at him as if he’s a mass murderer.

“No,” Jimin shrugs, voice low in order not to alarm the kids who are skating near by, “you know I would have told you.”

“I’ll be in the car.” He skates off, anxious to get off the ice but he’s stopped when another skater bumps into his shoulder.

“Sorry!-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jungkook shrugs, but just when Jungkook was about to leave the guy gives him a weird look. 

“Wait, what’s your name? You look so familiar,”

“Jungkook,” He responds with a bit of impatience, “I don’t think I know you from anywhere, sorry-”

“You’re Y/n’s boyfriend! She showed me some of her pictures pictures,” Lucas smiles but Jungkook’s eyes darken, “I’m Lucas, we’re competing in pairs again next season, I’m sure she’s told you.”

“Oh, I didn’t know, probably slipped her mind,” You haven’t mentioned it on purpose. Then again, how could you? You haven’t talked in weeks.

Just when he thought this day couldn’t get any worse, he meets your partner, and he’s not ugly,

“She said you couldn’t come because you were busy, did you come to surprise her?”

“Something like that- I’m sorry, I gotta go.”

“Okay, well...nice to meet you,” Lucas waves him off but Jungkook doesn’t pay him any mind. 

He thought this might go differently, why did he think that? As soon as he saw you, that tug in his heart came back, that desire to be around you came back. When you walked away, it made him feel like crap, you didn’t even want to look at him.

While he’s skating off to the side to leave the rink, he sees you taking off your personal skates and putting them in their bag. Of course, your caddie is right next to where his heavy black boots are. He enters the room opens the caddie with the little pass-code they gave him when he rented the skates. You spare him a glance as you tie your sneakers and he sits to get his shoes on.

“Did you have to ignore me like that?” He decides to speak up.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You frown, “I don’t even know why you’re here.”

“Since when did you start caring where I go?” He bites back. “You’ve been ghosting me for fucking weeks and suddenly I’m not allowed to go out?”

“I didn’t want to see you...I was doing so good, I was forgetting about you.” You lean back, not giving him eye contact.

”Wow, just what I wanted to hear,” He thought you would say something like that but he didn’t expect you to be so blunt. 

“You can’t say you’re surprised, can you?”

“No, but the least you can do is talk to me.”

”Fine, that’s fair. What do you have to say?” You stand to your feet, your bag tight in your hand/

”Believe it or not,” He gets up to lean on the wall behind him, “I love you, so I'm letting you drag me along and make all of the rules but I’m just asking that you communicate with me, I need to know what you want,” He tends to ask this question when he’s most desperate for your good side to emerge.

“Why don’t you tell me what you want? I’m not the one going around making decisions that hurt our relationship, not recently anyway.” You throw a jab at him, you couldn’t contain it anymore.

“If you’re trying to make me feel like shit, you’ve succeeded. You’ve been succeeding for weeks now, it’s actually starting to get to me, mentally.” As he says that, an unsuspecting few individuals come in to get there things.

“Can-” You pause and walk over to him to eliminate the awkward distance, “Can we talk about this somewhere else?”

His spirits brighten a little because at least you’re interested in continuing the conversation, you haven’t even attempted to do that until now. So when he stutters out an “okay”, his feet move as soon as yours do. He’s walking right next to you and you find yourself keeping your arms crossed, away from his hands that you would normally be holding. By the time you walk out to the rink, Jimin is still with the kids and Harmony is gone, probably in the restroom. You find a secluded area near the concession area and take a seat, he does the same right across from you. 

“Do you want to break up?” 

He puts it out there. He’s never been the one to hesitate, especially when his heart is on the line.

“What do you mean?” You swallow, not expecting to be confronted with that question.

He almost scoffs because you’re having a similar reaction to his reaction to you telling him you wanted to take a break.

“Do you not want to be in a relationship anymore? If this isn’t something you’re willing to do anymore, I need you to tell me so I can grieve in peace...I feel really lost right now.”

“Grieve? I’m not going to die if we break up, Jungkook, and I never said I wanted to break up—I never said I didn’t love you either. That’s not what this is about, it’s not about whether we love each anymore, it’s about trust.” 

“How can I gain your trust?”

You look around, making sure no one is listening in on you two before mumbling out your answer. “I don’t know...I just don’t trust you, I can’t tell you how to make it up to me because people who screw me over, I normally stay as far away from them as I can.”

All you can think about is the lies from your birth-mother, the betrayal and humiliation that came over you when you found out about your ex. Situations like that always come to mind when the subject of trust is mentioned. You’ve been hurt and Jungkook knows that, he knows when you feel like you can’t trust someone, you shut down. You want nothing to do with that person, your pain blinds you—its your character flaw.

“You’re lucky I’m even talking to you right now,” You mumble, nibbling at your bottom lip.

“Yeah, I know.” He scoffs, a look of disbelief that turns into an understandable shrug of his shoulders. 

“I’ve always thought of you as someone I didn’t deserve, you know that,” He glances down at his twiddling fingers, “when we got together, you changed me and I’m so grateful for that...I was such a shitty person before I met you- I mean, I’m sure you think I’m shitty now but I was way worse.” It surprises you when you see tears welling at his eyes that he quickly wipes away, tattooed fingers getting a bit wet.

“Jungkook,” You lay a hand over his with sympathetic eyes, “I still love you.”

“Seriously?” He glances up at you, surprised. 

“Yes...You hurt me, you made me feel stupid and I’m not over it...But I never forget those times where I made life difficult for you, you never made me feel irredeemable. No matter how awful I acted, you never made me feel like a burden. That’s more than I can say about a lot of people in my life.”

The more you talk this out with him, the more you realize how harshly you’ve been treating him. It doesn’t change how you feel about your relationship, but it does open your eyes to the standard you’ve been holding him to. You don’t know if you’re ready to start again.

“Well, I have to be honest with you,” He looks at you through his dirty blonde locks, “it still hurts like hell to have you treat me like a stranger. That shit is painful, even for me.”

“I’m sorry,” You murmur out an apology before you can really think about it, “I’m just upset at you is all...” Slowly, you take your hand off of his and your eyes wander back to his dear-like eyes. 

“Everyone’s telling me I should let you go but I don’t want to. I just need to know that you’re willing to wait for me, and to work on yourself...”

“I’ll do anything, I’ll do whatever it takes for us,”

Shortly after that day, you found yourself thinking more and more about your future. It made you cringe at one point, what were you planning to do with the rest of your life? Whatever you planned to do, you always imagined Jungkook would be by your side. Now, you’re coming to terms with the fact that things may not go as planned.

“Y/n, are you ready?” Lucas calls your name from outside of the dressing room.

”What are you doing in here? This is the woman’s locker room,” You open the door, now fully dressed in your new leotard.

”We’re the only ones here,” Lucas stands with a matching outfit, far less sparkly as yours.

”Why does she always pick these leotards for me? You always get the toned down looks-” You walk over to the mirror, furrowing your brows, “Oh, actually, this one is kinda nice.”

“She knows you’re the most dramatic out of the two of us, maybe that’s why,” He shrugs his shoulders before quickly running back out into the ballet studio. Your least favorite part of your career is the ballet lessons, it’s the most grueling.

“Come on out, Y/n, we only have the studio for the morning so we need to use our time wisely.”

“Sorry,” You walk out with an urgency, “the costume fits okay, a little snug but it’s doable.”

Coach gives you a knowing look, she’s been floating the idea of a diet around. As committed as you are to your craft, dieting is one thing you don’t think you need to do well. You try to stay fit but sometimes you’re more concerned about your dwindling love life than you dress size. The ballet instructor emerges from around the corner and you cringe, the next few hours are about to be painful. 

Yet, as the class progresses, your thoughts drift farther from the positions and you find yourself zoning out completely.

*

*

At one point in time, you couldn’t imagine being without Jungkook. Out of all of the people who’ve come and gone out of your life, he stayed. He became your best friend and your first love.

“I don’t want to be here anymore, please, just let me go home,” You sat on the hotel room floor, hair pin in your hands and a painfully cold ice bag on your ankle, “...I can’t go back out there.”

She stands with crossed arms, her unchanging expression not doing anything for your emotional state.”Y/n, you are a professional, and do you know what professionals do?”

”No.”

“They finish the competition, no matter what. You need to stay for the judging, “

“Why? I fell on my biggest jump on live television. Cindy. I look like an amateur...There’s no way in hell they’ll even consider placing me. That means I’m done for, I might as well kiss nationals goodbye.”

”That was the last program, you still have a chance-“

”Not after Charlotte’s routine! You said it yourself, I had to be flawless or Charlotte would take my spot in the qualifying team, there was no room for error. This is the one time it had to be perfect...” You use the bed to help you up and you sit down n the edge of it.

”It won’t be perfect every time. You work harder than any girl I know, and not just in this sport, you work hard at whatever you do and you support yourself, you’re the only girl I know who’s parents aren’t paying for you to be here. You deserve to be here, you made one mistake, one. It’s not the end of the world, sweetheart,” Cindy takes a seat beside you, a comforting hand going to your shoulder, “these things happen.”

You take a deep breath, trying to calm down and think rationally. Cindy is trying her best to talk you off of the ledge but you’re very much still there. She says you work so hard, but what do you have to show for it? You’re doing this alone a majority of the time. Your family only comes to support you sometimes, they don’t have a lot of free time to spend on your hobby. Your iceskating is a glorified hobby to them, they won’t say it but it’s true. After they told you to pick a major and find a good paying 9-5, they stopped paying for your iceskating. They’re paying for school but that’s it, you’re supporting yourself in every other aspect. That gave you all the reason to try to prove to them that you were an exceptional athlete. To prove to them that you did it all on your own, that’s your only goal. Yet, the more you reach for that, the farther you get from it.

”Listen, I need to check on the other girls, alright? I hope you reconsider.” She pecks your forehead, a motherly affection that you’ve come to appreciate from her. She is like a mom in some ways. She cares for the entire team, and she would never say it, but she has a particular soft spot for you. She can see how much you want this, how the ice can take you to a different place.

You were meant to do this, she always tells you that. She saw the fire in you as soon as she accepted you on her team. Your passion attracted her to you, you never stopped, you had so much drive. Some people are meant to fight tooth and nail for what they want, sometimes you have to ask yourself, why do I have be one of those people?

Ignoring your better judgment, you packed your bags and took the 2-hour drive back to your apartment. All while you were fleeing the city to seek refuge at home, you received multiple phone calls from Jungkook but you couldn’t bring yourself to call him back. When you got home, you took off your tracksuit and sank face first into your coach. 

As much as you wanted Jungkook to come to the competition, you insisted that he stay and take that job. He hasn’t been boxing as much so any extra art job he can take, you encourage him to take it. He told you he’d streamed the competition while working on the mural at a nearby bar. His heart sank when you took that fall.  You put hours of practice into that routine and perfected it, he had seen you do it flawlessly several times. 

All he wanted to do was hug you and tell you that you did well but all he could do was hope that you weren’t beating yourself up. He could only imagine how devastated you were and to not be able to be there for you, he couldn’t stand it. He finished up the mural and you had finally texted him saying, ‘I came home early.’ He went straight to your apartment with the big pink bunny he bought for you, you need it even more now.

”Hey, it’s me,” He opened the front door and announced himself softly and walks further inside. 

The television barely illuminates the living room but he sees you laying on the couch. He sits the bunny down behind the couch so you can’t see them before walking around to greet you in your depressing state.

“I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow, baby,” He rests a hand on thigh and kisses your cheek, “you must’ve known how much I was missing you,” His attempt to make you smile goes painfully unnoticed. 

He bites at his bottom lip in thought. “Did something happen?...”

You swallow the lump in your throat and finally look him in the eyes, “Did you watch my second program?” 

“I did, you looked beautiful-”

“I’m quitting.”

He turns his whole body to you, brows deeply furrowed like a cartoon character. “What?”

You cover your face with a pillow, successfully hiding your tears, “I’m calling Cindy to tell her I don’t want to do it anymore, I quit.”

“Woah, wait, why?” He takes the pillow from you to see your face, “Y/n, calm down, what’s going on? Tell me what happened.”

“I- I didn’t make the national team, that was my only chance until next year. All my hard work went down the drain and everyone saw me screw up..” You wipe your tears with your sleeve.

“Hey, it’s okay, you cry if you need to,” He pulls you into a hug, cradling your head to his chest, “I know this is tough for you but it’s not the end of the world, it’ll get better.”

You pull away from him as if he were suddenly hot to the touch and bury your face into the arm of the couch. “You wouldn’t understand, the pique of my career was riding on this, and I blew it. It feels like the end of my world, okay?” 

You know your words are muffled by the couch, that’s probably for the better anyway. “T- that’s just how I feel...” 

He doesn’t pry any further after that. He knows there’s not much he can say to change your mind right now. Instead, he scoots closer to your side and places a comforting hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles as he waits for you to continue.

“I have nothing if I lose this, there’s all this pressure on my shoulders and its tearing me apart...” You turn to wipe your face and sit up. “I love skating, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do...if I stop, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

You’ll never forget that night. 

He lifted you into his lap and kept his arms tight around you. “You’re so much more than just your skating. You’re so good at but it’s not all that you are.” Jungkook has a way of talking you off of the edge but that night, you were especially down on yourself.

“Yes it is...” 

“No it’s not,” He sighs, “look, I know what it feels like to find your identity in something and then all of a sudden, that something is gone...When my portfolio got rejected, I felt like a failure. My family never got behind the boxing thing, so I’ve always tried to find another way to support myself just in case for whatever reason it doesn’t work out...I didn’t start realizing that until recently. I’m constantly torn between giving up one dream for the other but I want to do both, you actually inspire me to do both.” You furrow your brows, briefly abandoning your own issues to listen to him. 

“You work so hard and you’re showing your family that you can do this, you just have to believe in yourself, and you know what? You’re doing amazing. Tonight was just a bad night, it happens.” He squeezes you tight and you do the same, arms fastened around his neck as if it would kill you to let go.

You didn’t need to say anything after that. You settled your mind and you were no longer at the edge, you were still close, but not there. With your head resting over his shoulder, you try to peek over the couch to see what he dropped back there when he walked in.

“Hey, what’d you think you’re doing?” Jungkook leans forward and your grip around him is loosened so you can no longer look back there. “You think I got something for you?”

You look down a bit embarrassed that he caught you, “Well, yeah...you did,  didn’t you?” You smile for the first time tonight and he breathes a sigh of relief. Finally.

He was going to tease you for wanting your gifts even though you just had a meltdown. But how could he? He wants to keep this smile on your face for as long as possible.

“Sit,” He lifts you off his lip and back to your previous seat on the couch, “no peeking.”

You hold your hands over your eyes, excited even thought have no idea what it might be.

“Okay, open.”

When you move your hands to see you squeal in excitement. “Oh, Jungkook! It’s so cute!” You stand up to take the pink bunny that’s almost more than half your size. “Thank you,” You lean into him with the bunny between you two, “it’s so big and soft, like you.”

“Yeah I know,” He sways from side-to-side with you in his arms, “you feeling better?”

You muffle your sigh into the stuffed animal, “I still wanna quit.”

“Oh stop,” He pulls the from your grip and tosses it onto the couch, “you’re just being bratty now,”

“No I’m not,” You whine, the issue still very fresh, “I’m still sad...I just really like my gift and I’m happy to see you...But I am still upset.”

“Aw, I’m sorry,” He lays on the couch and beckons you into his arms to lay on his chest, “let’s cuddle you until you feel better then, will that help?” 

“Maybe...”  

You’d be lying if you said you could live without that side of him.

*

A few days later, you’re surprised you hadn’t heard from him. But when you get back from the gym with a missed call from him and a solemn text to  ‘call back when you can’, you actually call him back.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, nothings wrong. Thank you for calling me back.” 

His voice sounds relaxed but a bit anxious.

“Did you need something?” You sigh, pouring your boiling water in your mug.

“Are you free to go with me somewhere at 11? And then maybe, we could grab dinner? Just-...Don’t be mad, please.”

Anxiety bubbles in your chest.

“What’re you talking about?”

“I signed us up for couples therapy.”

“You did what?” Somewhere in your mind, you had wanted him to bring this up—you never imagined that he actually would.

”You said we don’t know how to work on ourselves together, I read that therapy helps with that. Will you go with me? If you don’t like it, you never have to do it again I swear.”

“Jungkook...I appreciate the effort, I really do, but how did you find this therapist? Do you trust them?”

”Of course. He has great reviews online and my-...Well, my mom found him actually.”

You pause, a bit taken aback. He talked to his mom about your relationship and he took her advice about seeing a therapist? He must have really taken your words to heart about getting help.

“Can you pick me up?”

“Sure, I’ll be there in 20.”

When he picked you up, you were reminded just how well he could clean up. Sure, he always dresses so well and smells amazing, but he’s different today—you can tell he put in a lot of effort. You’re glad you decided to do your makeup and where a nice sundress, you would have felt terribly under-dressed.

“Hi, how can I help you?

“Hi, we have an appointment for Jeon at 5, with Seojoon.”

You stand next to Jungkook at the front desk, your hands tightly clutching your purse. It’s hard to not think the woman is judging you and Jungkook for being here. She’s probably seen hundreds of people come into this office but something in you can’t shake the feeling. She directs you two to the waiting room and says he’ll come get you two in a few minutes.

“So,” You begin, glancing at Jungkook, “I’m nervous...” 

“Me too.” This is new for the both of you. In only a few seconds, who you assume to be Seojoon emerges from the hallway and you look at him a bit wide-eyed. 

“Hi, Jungkook, Y/n, are you two ready?” 

“Oh, um, yes.” You stand up in sync with Jungkook, already wanting to run out of here but you resist.

You have to admit that the office is really nice, not stiff and sterile looking, the energy is very calming. Seojoon opens the door to a cozy-looking room with tons of natural sun light. There’s warm-rose colored couch that you assume is for ‘the couple.’

“Alright, you can take a seat right there, make yourselves comfortable.” He smiles, taking a seat and you two do the same.

“So let’s get right into it. What brought you two here today? If you could both tell me your separate answers, that would be great.” Despite Seojoon looking at you directly to presumably go first, you divert your eyes and look at Jungkook to say something first.

“Well, we’re- I think we’re going through a lot right now and I just want to save our relationship.” Jungkook sits back, resting against the arm of the couch as he gazes at you to give your answer.

“What about you, Y/n?”

You glance down at your lap, feeling very out of your comfort zone and not confident enough to verbalize what you would like to say. Alas, you try.

“I feel the same way, we’re not in a good place and I’m confused about what to do-...I just want what we used to have.” You confess a bit of your true feelings but ignore the longing look Jungkook gives you.

“When did you start feeling like the relationship was changing?”

“Fairly recently. We were fine, at least I thought we were until I saw him with another girl back in an old lifestyle that I thought he gave up...”

Seojoon diverts his attention away from you and to Jungkook. “Jungkook, do you want to share a little bit about that?”

“Not really,” He answers honestly at least.

“Why not?”

“To be honest, I don’t know why she keeps throwing the same jab at me. I’ve told her the truth but she doesn’t want to hear it. I went out that night,” He almost glares at you, “I didn’t plan to. I ran into an old friend and I just-...I thought it was harmless and I got caught up...” 

Seojoon scribbles something down. “Okay, so can you fill me in a little bit. Are we talking about unfaithfulness? Addiction?”

“Unfaithfulness,” You interject. “he said he didn’t cheat on me but...” You mumble, your confidence faltering for some reason. “It’s hard to believe that.”

“But you think he did so you have some distrust. Were you unfaithful, Jungkook?”

“It doesn’t matter if I say I did or I didn’t, she thinks I did.” He shrugs.

”Y/n,” Seojoon puts an end to the death stare you had on Jungkook, “can you tell Jungkook what cheating looks like to you?”

”Not sleeping with her doesn’t mean you didn’t cheat on me. Letting her put her hands on you- And I don’t care if it was just a kiss! You shouldn’t have been in that situation, and for me to have to see it on social media? I could have killed you I was so mad. You should ask Jungkook what cheating is to him. We obviously have different standards for defining it...”

”What does cheating look like to you, Jungkook?” He heeds your suggestion without any push-back.

”To me,” He hesitates, feeling a bit scrutinized, “it’s when a person violates the intimacy of the relationship by giving it to someone else.”

“What kind of intimacy?”

“Emotional, physical, every kind,” He turns to you, “I wouldn’t do thingst that I do with Y/n with anyone else, not by choice-”

“Yes you would! You did...Are you trying to tell me that you were assaulted? That she forced her way on you?”

“I was blitzed! I don’t fucking know. All I do know is that she got on top of me and I pushed her off. That’s it. I swear, if anything else happened, I don’t remember it.”

“I don’t care. You know what I’ve been through, to even allow another girl to even get close to touching you like that...It was a slap in the face.”

Seojoon’s ears perk up at the mention of your past. “Did you have to go through a similar situation in a previous relationship?” 

“Yes and he knows this. I was being cheated on before and the guy had a literal baby on the way throughout our entire relationship...It was traumatizing.” It stings his ears to hear you say that. But it’s true, he knows your past and he didn’t let it stop him. 

“What happened must have triggered you,” You nod to yourself, “but you’re here to try to work through forgiveness and build trust. If you two are comfortable with it, I’d like you do do two exercises; one here and one when you’re alone. The first one that you’ll do here, I need you to face each other, preferably close, and I have some questions for you two to ask each other.”

“Like this?” Jungkook answers instantly and turns to you, getting closer to you than he has in weeks. You face him slowly, eyes wavering a bit. His face has always been a soft-spot for you, staring at him makes you feel weak.

“Actually,” Seojoon stands up, gesturing for you to do the same, “two chairs might be more comfortable, yeah? Let’s go to my other room.”

You follow Seojoon to a small room with three chairs a small table in front of them. Jungkooks pulls seat out so they’re facing each other. When you look up to acknowledge him with deliberate eye-contact, for a moment he thinks you might be softening. 

“I want you all to start with ‘I’ statements, tell your partner how you feel or how you felt in this case. Try to maintain eye-contact and truly listen to each other.”

“I’ll go first,” You volunteer because you want to get this over with.

“I feel alone and helpless when you go back to your old habits, I feel like you’re hiding things from me...” You find a way to keep your eyes-locked to his. 

“I’m not asking you to be perfect but I just want you to make me feel special to you...Like you wouldn’t dream of being with someone else. Because I don’t think of loving anyone else, and trust me I’ve tried to imagine it but I can’t,” You bite your cheek to keep from crying, “you make it so hard to trust you. You don’t listen and you don’t change until it’s too late.” 

Being emotionally inept is something you are both too good at. It’s difficult for you to share your true feelings with a clear mind, but when you do, you can never guess what will happen next. 

“I feel trapped by you. I know I fucked everything up, okay? You don’t have to keep reminding me.” His tone is harsher than you anticipated. 

“I’m trying to put in the fucking effort to help us, and I’m giving you time. But when you tell me you still want me but you won’t even let me come around, it’s confusing. You’re confusing, that’s just how I feel.” His brows furrow and you notice Seojoon watches the exchange intently.

“But I miss you and I want you back, I don’t want to take a break,” He leans forward with his hands firmly gripping your knees over your dress, “I know you think I’m an asshole but I try to change, I’m trying, you know I wouldn't bring you to this if I could think of any other way to prove that to you.” The strain in his voice only stirs more emotions inside of you. 

“Jungkook,” Seojoon calls his name softly and Jungkook looks over as if he forgot he was there, “try not to engage in any physical, okay? It can be overwhelming.”

“Sorry,” He takes his hands from you and sits back, “that’s all I want to say.” 

“Alright, well, um,” Seojoon clears his throat, eager to break the tension up a little bit, “unfortunately our session is up but I want to give you two a list of exercises and talking points. I know this was a consultation appointment but I want to give you some things to work on at home. I’ll have Kelly type up your homework, alright?”

“Okay, thank you,” you both thank the therapist but you get up with an urgency and leave the room before Jungkook can follow you. When you make it out to the waiting room, you spot the bathroom and you bolt to it. Before you have to spend a car ride with him, you need to get your emotions together. 

“Mr. Jeon,” The receptionist calls him from the hall, “this is for you, you can bring it back to the next appointment for a discount.” Jungkook halfheartedly thanks her before going to the car. He doesn’t even know if there will be another session. He needs to smoke before you come out and you’ll freak if he smokes while you’re in the car. 

“Why did I come here...” You look at the mirror and frown, you look so rough. It was nice to get everything out in the open but you knew he’d get intense eventually. Only when the toilet flushed did you remember that there were multiple stalls in here. When you look away from the mirror to fumble through your purse, just trying to avoid talking to her. 

”Hi, how are you?”

“I’m okay, how are you?”

“Oh god, nervous, I’m nervous. Me and my husband, we’re newly weds, our appointment is in five minutes and I really don’t know what to expect. Did you have an appointment with your partner?”

“I did,” You sigh, “it was-...It was fine, don’t be nervous.” In your attempt to comfort her, you find your self in a highly hypocritical position. “Me and my boyfriend, we’re different so ours was a little- A little chaotic but I think it helped a little,” You hesitate, “I don’t know.”

“That makes me feel a little better, hopefully my husband behaves himself,” She tosses her wavy brown hair over her shoulder and smiles, “well, it was nice meeting you.”

It takes you a moment but you gather the strength to wave goodbye and go face your boyfriend.

”Excuse me, Miss, I think your husband forgot to grab this.” The receptionist waves you over and hands you a little folder.

”Oh,” You try to hide the blush forming on your cheeks.  he’s not my- We’re not married.” 

”Oh, I’m sorry! He only put his last name on the appointment so I thought it was your name as well. Sorry about that, have a great rest of your day.” She bids you farewell with a flustered smile.

When you walk outside, you see Jungkook leaning against the car. You thought he might’ve been smoking but you can’t detect any small. That’s a relief.

”You feeling okay?” He questions gently. 

You nod, hopping in the car with the desire to be home already. He gets in the car and glances at you from the corner of his eye, he worries that this might have been too much for you. 

“Where do you want to eat?” 

“There’s a ramen place down the street, that’s fine with me.” You suggest, eyes trained on your phone.

The air in the car isn’t tense or stiff, its just quiet. There’s a lot to unpack from the session and you figured Jungkook was thinking through it too. That’s why when you two arrived at the ramen shop, took your seats, and placed your orders, the silence was getting to be a bit too awkward for you.

“I like the new hair, you’ve never gone this blonde before,” You glance up at him, trying to start a conversation, “it looks good.”

“Thanks, it was an impulsive thing. I heard you decided to get back into pairs,” He brings the coke to his lips, “I was surprised to hear that.”

“Oh, yeah,” You figured he would find out soon, “I’m back with Lucas for the season.”

“Good for you,” That’s not a reaction you were expecting from anti-pairs-skating Jungkook. Then again, you know him well enough to know that he’s probably keeping his true opinion to himself.

“The receptionist gave this to me,” You pull the paper out of your purse and show it to him, “I think it has additional information.”

“Let me see,” You hand it to him, “hm, soul-gazing? What the hell is that...” He reads over the description and it makes him giggle. “Nonverbal communication between lovers, allows couples to explore intimate places in the relationship. We do this already, but it’s a little more than eye contact,” He recalls those dreamy moments that he used to share with you so often, gazing at you with a smile.

“We can try that later maybe,” You avoid his smile with a glance out the window.

“Okay. So, about the session today, I hope you understood where I was coming from...I didn’t expect to say all that, I’m sorry if it was too much.”

“Don’t apologize, I wanted to hear how you felt.”

“I’m sorry,” He extends a hand out on the table, hoping you’ll take it, “I’ve thought about what I’ve done and I’ve tried to repent for it. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you. But just tell this once, you miss us, don’t you?”

“I do, Jungkook...It’s just, I’m in a tough spot and I don’t- I don’t want to disappoint anyone or myself.”

“You’re talking about your friends or your family?” He frowns at the thought of either party trying to discourage you.

“My family doesn’t know anything about this, it’s my friends who are concerned for me. They saw me get hurt and they don’t want to see it happen again, they want me to be happy.”

“Don’t listen to them, all they do is talk shit about me and try to tell you what you need. The only people who have a say in this relationship is you and me. We choose what makes us happy, not them.”

“But I’m not happy,” And it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still being judged, “I’ve actually been depressed when I think about us, when I think about what we used to have and what we have now, how did this happen?”

“I’m sorry I did this to you,” He sighs when you finally reach out to take his hand, “I never mean to hurt you,”

“I want you back so bad sometimes,” You break, letting your true feelings out to him, “but just because I want it doesn’t mean I should, it’s always been hard for me to separate the two.”

“That never stopped you before,” He flashes that smile, the one you fell so hard for on the roof of his car. 

“Now look where I’m at,” You take your hand back, “going to therapy with you.”

*

*

Jungkook took you home and sunset had passed, it was already dark. You found yourself inviting him in, hugging him longer than you should have when he was on his way out. Why were you holding on to him so tight? His bomber jacket lands on the floor and you relish in his arms, you haven’t felt like this in a long time. Maybe it won’t hurt to let him in, indulge. It doesn’t take long before you let him kiss you for the first time in weeks. It feels new, it can happen a thousand times and it’ll always feel new. 

But then your phone begins to ring and reality washes over you like a cold shower.

“Wait,” You pull away from the kiss and slide off of the counter to his dismay, “I need to get that-”

“Ignore it,” Jungkook cups your jaw, trying to persuade you with longing eyes, “please ignore it-”

“I can’t, it’s my mom, something might be wrong,” You quickly answer the phone and walk into the living room. “Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at home, is something wrong?”

“You forgot, didn’t you? Your brother Leo, you were supposed to pick him up so he could stay with you for the night. me and your dad had to take Milo to his Taekwondo tournament for the weekend.” Your mother stresses over the phone.

“I’m so sorry! Mom, seriously, I totally forgot,” This is the worst possible timing, “doesn’t Leo have his license, he can drive here, can’t he?”

“We have the car. Don’t worry about it, it’s handled now, his friend came by and he’s staying with him.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how that crossed my mind,” You can’t help but feel as if you’ve disappointed her by forgetting such a simple thing, “I’ve been busy, I’m prepping for the next season, I’m working and in school, it’s a lot right now-”

The conversation  ends with a cold lecture from her and a solemn goodbye when she hangs up. You massage your temples, and look at Jungkook who’s coping with the best part of his day being ruined by a phone call.

“Everything okay?”

“I forgot to pick up my brother, my mom asked if he could crash here but I forgot all about it..”

“When have any of your siblings actually visited you? Except for your sister when she needs a babysitter.” Jungkook always sports a defensive tone when your family comes into the conversation.

“He’s only come over a few times. But he has friends who live over here so that’s normally why,” You take a deep breath. “She sounded frustrated so I know she’s upset.”

”Don’t stress about that,” He comes in close, wrapping his arms around your waist. “your mom shouldn’t beat you up about that, especially since she knows how much you have on your plate.” He smooths down your hair and kisses your forehead gently. That innocent forehead kiss quickly migrated down to your neck and you bite your tongue.

”Jungkook, please,” You get out of his embrace and leave him longing.

"Why do you keep pushing me away? I know you, this isn’t like you. You push me away but never for this long,” He follows you to your bedroom where you kick off your shoes and take off you cardigan. ”If you’re serious about making this work again, you’ve gotta help me out a little here.” 

You feel him looming behind you, so close that you feel the warmth of him on your lower-back, or is that his hand?

“You’re here, aren’t you? I’m being really nice right now,” You step away from him, “but you need to stop.”

“Stop what?” He feigns ignorance.

“If that’s what you were hoping for you should just go,” You pick up his jacket and hand it to him, “it’s not happening.”

“Ok, but do you mind if I stay the night?” 

You stare at him in disbelief for a moment, debating whether or not that’s a good idea.

“Why? It’s not even that late yet.”

“I don’t want to make the drive home, I’ll leave first thing in the morning.” He pleads, those big round eyes helping his case immensely.

“Fine. But you’re on the couch,” He looks a bit disappointed but he was expecting that, “I’m gonna shower, you can wait for me or use the guest bathroom if you want.”

With that, you walk off into your bedroom to get your clothes and then into the bathroom in the hall. Though you hesitated to let him stay, it’s really not a big deal now that you think of it. He’s stayed over more times than you can count so you feel no need to punish him by saying no.

Baby steps. 

Jungkook falls into the couch, relieved and anxious—but mostly relieved. He was sure you were going to throw him out. When he hears the shower turn on, he begins to wonder what you might be thinking about, do you want him the way he wants you right now? If so, you’re hiding it pretty well. Just being in your home makes him feel comfortable and happy, that and your presence. You’ll be a while in the shower so he figures a few moments of relaxation on the balcony won’t hurt. 

*

When you step out of the steamy bathroom, you hug your robe tightly to your body. Curious to see what he’s doing you peek out of the hall and see him on the balcony, shirt nowhere to be seen and smoke wafting from the little stick in his finger. Jungkook has always been a temptation, a forbidden fruit so to speak. You had one bite, and that’s all it took. 

It’s a warm night, that’s probably why he’s showing all of the neighbors his tattooed glory, you giggle to your self at the thought. You run to your room to slip a t-shirt and shorts on so you can join him, you can indulge him in conversation at least.

“Hey, I was going to get a snack,” You open the sliding door and he looks back at you as he exhales a a cloud, “are you hungry?”

“I’m okay,” He puts it out in the ashtray, “thanks,” 

“You didn’t have to put it out for me,” You step onto the patio and close the door behind you.

“I was done anyway,” He says that but he clearly wasn’t, he’s just being sweet, “how was your shower?”

“Good,” You sit beside him, “you can go ahead and shower if you want to, you know where your clothes are.”

“I will in a minute,” He looks out, enjoying the view of the city, “it’s beautiful out here...”

“Yeah,” You smile, reminiscing on the many moments you two have shared together on the balcony.

“So,” Jungkook sighs, probably reminiscing on the same thing, “do you want to do that exercise?...”

“Exercise?- Oh, the eye-contact thing, we can...” You turn to him and he does the same, “so, do we-”

“Shh,” He holds a finger to his lips, “we’re not supposed to talk,” 

You swallow, eyes locked on his and his on yours. His eyes are so dreamy and mesmerizing, they always have been. This eye-contact is giving you a great excuse to analyze his face. The little mole under his lip, his cute nose and cheeks—you’re trying not to look at his body but it’s hard to do that right now. 

He’s doing the same thing to you. Your eyes, nose, lips, he’s just taking it all in as if your a sculpture at a museum. Looking at each other like this reminds you both to see each other, to really see the human you both decided to love.

“Jungkook,” You know you’re not supposed to talk, “don’t cry...” You thumb the tears away from his cheeks, your motherly habits kicking in.

“Shit,” He wipes his cheeks, “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” He’s so emotional, it’s more endearing than anything.

You cup his jaw and kiss the apple of his cheek, then his lips. His hands are almost shaky when he reaches up to hold your face, you lead his hand to your face to let him know that you don’t mind.

“I love you too,” You breath, your head in the nape of his neck, “but I can’t do this, I shouldn’t...”

Once you realize you’re no longer in your own chair but in his, it’s too late to pretend you’re not equally as desperate. It escalates and the best and worst happens. 

#quarters #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #bts angst #bts smut #bts fluff #bts x you #jimin angst #jimin fluff #jungkook boxer!au #jungkook au #jungkook ice skatin #I don't know what this ending is lol

[justme92297]

HC: Everyone has a bad day part 1

Hi everyone! This is my second prompt of an HC, and I want to say that @obeythebutler version of this prompt absolutely inspired me to write this, So please check out their blog. It's absolutely amazing.

Now I want to warn you that Mammon’s part in this is heavy with lots of angst. I don’t know why it came out like that. Maybe it was due to being 1 am and raining, but it did. So please, if you don’t want to see Mammon’s thoughts go to a dark place, please skip his section.

Before you say anything I know that this is short, but I am emotionally drained and when I start to regain some color back I promise that I will continue to write.

TW: angst/ a little depression (Mammon) Reader: GN

Everyone experiences having a bad day. What causes a bad day, how it is represented, what you can do, how they appreciate you for it.

Lucifer:

Lucifer’s day wasn’t that different from the past couple of days, but that was the problem. Diavolo didn’t stop with the paperwork, and if, for some unknown reason, Lucifer caught a break, you could guarantee that Beel has eaten a part of the house, Mammon has more bills coming in, or someone has tried to kill MC. The lack of proper meals, staying awake till 5 am, and the constant strain of “keep going” were weighing on him. Lucifer’s eyes were dark and heavy with bags, his patience thinning where the brothers began hiding inside their rooms or outside of HoL, but the worse was what you saw.

Walking past his study, you could barely believe this was Lucifer’s study. Papers strewn on every available surface, trash can overflowing, and the fire only embers, but the pain in your heart was from the desk. Slumped with his head on the desk, Tea dripping on the floor, and his hand above his head in what looked like a mimic of a bird’s claw.

Rushing back to the kitchen to start brewing some of Lucifer’s tea, you met Beel.

“I need a favor. Can you go into Lucifer’s collection of music and find me one that I can hold.”

“sure.”

Organizing the teapot sugar milk and two cups, some cookies, and trash bags onto the tray, Beel came to deliver your request and grab some of those cookies.

“Beel, you can have the whole box, just don’t touch the tray,” you stated while walking out the door with the tray and some towels under your arm.

Hearing a gentle knock, Lucifer jolts right up. He’s worse than I thought rang through your head when Lucifer didn’t immediately peel the sticky note off his forehead. Placing the tray near the sitting area, you turned to the record player. Stepping over papers, you could feel Lucifer’s eyes following you around the room. After starting the music emptying the trash cans, and managing the fire rejoice with new logs, you could barely take it anymore.

“Lucifer, this is what is going to happen,” the joined pact marks start to shine with the activation of a command, “I am going to start picking up and sorting these papers; you are going to enjoy a cup of tea, and once you finish that cup I will join you. After becoming well-rested, you are going to hand me the papers that I am capable of handling, and I will be doing those.”

“ Whatever you say, master” A smile creeping onto his face, only falters hearing the following sentence coming out of your mouth “Tonight, I will not set a curfew, but if this happens one more time this week, you will have to be going to bed by midnight.”

By the end of the night, Lucifer’s study was put together, the paperwork and bills sorted and dealt with, and one MC was wrapped in an oversized coat on the couch.

The next day at RAD, you counted your blessings when Satan’s book club canceled, and he was able to help you out, making the work take 1/3 of the time. When coming back to your room, you see a black box with a maroon satin ribbon and a note. Please let me take you to dinner tonight, my treat -Lucifer

~Satan was pissed when he found out that someone in Hall Council reserved every classroom, social meeting location, even benches at RAD for important meetings needing to be held. The only good aspect was that he and MC got to spend some time in the library.

Mammon:

Scum. Moron. Worthless. Waste of Space.

Those words echoing in his head, becoming louder and louder, driving the meaning deeper into his head, moved Mammon into your room. He didn’t want to talk, he didn’t want to be touched. All he could do was stare a hole into the wall while sitting against your bed facing away from you.

After half an hour of complete silence, you had to break it. “Mammon, do you want to watch some tv?” silence “How about playing some Devilcart with Levi?” only a slight twitch answered your call. “I thought of a new way to make some quick cash; you wanna try it?” Now sirens are going off in hour head; something is seriously wrong when he didn’t even move. Walking over to him, your heart shattered in place.

Mammon’s signature smirk was gone, and replaced with an emotionless line. Cheeks are tear stained with fresh tear just starting to dry. His eyes that usually gleam with opportunity only showed hollowness.

Mammon what’s wrong?” I am just- waste of space.

Mammon please talk to me.” Worthless

Mammon if you don’t start talking to me, I am just going to talk at you.” “Why ya want to know what’s been bothering me?” Scum

“Mammon I want to know because I care about you.” His eyes barely able to meet yours begin to look away. “Why ya gotta say something like that.”

Leaning down to his level, you cup his face into your hands. “I am serious. Where would I be without my Great Mammon? You have saved me countless times not just against any demons but your brothers. You have made my life a thousand times better every day, every night, and every scheme. It’s you that has done that. No one else. So please Mammon, talk to me if something is bothering you. Let me be their for you.”

After your speech, Mammon started to talk, and through explaining how he is feeling, he begins to perk up. Life envelops his eyes, and while there was still a tiny part that was still blank, by the morning he was back a 100%.

Walking up to Mammon looking at you “please don’tcha tell my brothers, I can handle talking to them and stick up for myself.” You just nod your head knowing that if you hear them make fun of Mammon again you will be having a talk.

Getting ready for RAD took more time than normal and dashing to the dining room “No touch’n that plate for MC. Beel I mean it.”

~Beel didn’t know what has happened to Mammon in the last few days but he couldn’t be happier to hear Belphie complaining that Mammon keeps yelling at him to stop calling him a waste of space and that it isn’t fun anymore.

#beelzebub #asmodeus #mammon #leviathan #belphegor #obey me lucifer #obey me scenarios #satan #obey me #obey me headcanons #angst #fluff #may be triggering #bad thoughts #gets better