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#i will recommend it but ONLY on the condition that you know what ur signing up for (a lot of disappointment most likely)
lemonastims · 2 years
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hi! i'm not here to start discourse or anything with you over the irl thing, just a general convo. i know a good bit on psychotic and delusional disorders (i don't have either of those so i don't have much say on this topic but i am into psychology) and i saw that your bio includes psychotic.
first, psychosis isn't a disorder by itself, it's a list of signs of a disorder (or temporary like due to drugs or lack of sleep) pertaining to it (i.e schizophernia, bipolar, psychotic depression, etc) so think of it like a headache! i recommend looking into those related disorders if you believe you have it.
second, the term D/A (delusional attachment) or P/A (psychotic attachment) is considered harmful by many people with those disorders as they can be anti-recovery or "glorifying or watering-down delusions". the term has become related to identity delusion which is a medically recognized term but D/A or P/A is not. the creator (swaggotfan) has a history of bigoted behavior (not to detract from the coining of course). also i've seen some people describe D/A to where it looks like it's self-shipping or crushing on one (i.e "i'm in love with this character so they're a D/A for me")
third, the whole D/A community from what i've seen as a 'kin myself is really hostile both towards others outside and themselves (for example, i've seen an instagram page for systems have "systems and IRLs can interact but no kins" including one submission being from a non-system which is so confusing to me. another example is people with them reality checking others with the same D/A as them as "being the only real one"). i've heard from a friend that the term IRL should be psychotic only when it was a kin term. people with D/As also have memories which seems to me like kin memories but they're uneducated. obviously, delusions are a wide specturm and there's without a doubt some out there with the delusion of being a fictional character. there's also been defintions for D/As being exactly like 'kins (i.e you believe you are this character).
sorry for this mess of text and for any errors, it's like 2 AM for me. i doubt this'll lead anywhere so do with this what you will.
hi! thank you for pointin that out, and i hear and understand what ur sayin here. i only put psychotic in our bio because it is much shorter than PTSD with psychotic features. i am professionally diagnosed with the aforementioned condition as well! i only use the term irl because it is the closest to my experience as i can get with current terminology. i used to identify under the fictionkin label, and i totally respect people who do, and that isn't inherently a psychotic experience! but there is definitely overlap, and it can be confusing. i am not trying to water down the experiences of others who experience identity delusions. this shit is hellish! and i hate the hostility culture that's been created. my personal philosophy is to not reality check others, just block and move on.
i guess my general response is i do experience psychosis, and i don't use the term DA because it was created by a non psychotic and has been used to water down the actual experience. i think a lot of people who have other irls of certain characters on their dni have it there for their own safety, not as a way to invalidate others. the way we define our experience as an irl is very similar to fictionkin, but very specific to our experience. we are psychotic. we experience the symptom of psychosis and are professionally diagnosed, and we really do want to interact if this is in good faith. but we only say psychotic and not our full diagnosis because we feel like we don't owe anyone our full medical history to be believed.
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bewilderedbuck · 1 year
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thank you for tagging me rae @ice-sculptures !!!! <3
tea, coffee, or soda? is it cheating if i say all 3? at home i usually drink soda or energy drinks (yes ik my kidneys probably hate me) but if i'm out and about i get a shaken espresso or a lychee black tea!!! also a big big fan of iced matcha lattes
dogs or cats? i have 3 cats so. guess lol
can you play an instrument? not anymore but i took piano lessons from ages 6ish to 8ish (and was very bad) also very briefly played clarinet in middle school (and again was very bad)
what's your sun sign? libra
first song lyrics that pop into your head? i know i'm not around enough to make me worth the wait / it's like who wants to be close with someone who always goes away? / and even when they're here it's like / where's your fucking head at? / why's it take so long to text back? / you're so bad at loving people back / so here's a plaque for your wall / for the hall of fame of fucking off / when things get weird / because i can't handle that again / it's like that (the bridge of high definition has been stuck in my head all mf day)
do you have any tattoos? yes!! i have 6 that i gave myself stick-n-poke style (do not recommend although i do love mine) and 2 professional ones!! and hoping to start working on my tlou sleeve this year or next
favorite place you traveled? new york city!! i went in nov of 2021 to visit some friends and want to go back soooo bad
what's the last movie you watched? the whale
what languages do you speak? i only speak english fluently, but i can finger spell in asl
do you have any hobbies? does writing shitty notes app poetry count? also i've started getting into very basic/amateur film photography + collecting old cameras! i just got an old minolta a-2; it's not in working condition but it's super cool!! and i have a working canon ae-1 program!!!
you can hang out with one fictional character for an hour, who do you choose? joyce byers pls i need her to give me one of those hugs where she just. cradles ur head you know. i could rlly use that rn
compliment yourself: i write dialogue very well!!! it's definitely the strongest part of my writing and i feel like it sounds natural and is (usually) in character!!!
tagging (no pressure): @thefabulousfab-3 @the-paris-of-people @karennkaren & anyone who wants to do it!!!
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faunina · 3 years
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I have NEVER watched spn but you are making the urge to do so very strong.
OH MY GD ADSGSADGSADGDSAGSADGADSG
i dont know whether to say "im so sorry" or "you are very welcome". so anon: good luck LMAO
start this show At Thine Own Risk, if you want to! but let it be KNOWN that i will not be held accountable for any damages or cases of Intense Brain Rot you may incur if you do. the best way to watch it is probably with a friend or two, even if its just some ppl you can liveblog your reactions to. trust me, youll NEED that outlet. other than that, before you start this show PLEASE BEWARE:
- tons of racism - just, so much sexism - any sort of trans-/homophobia u can imagine (and worse, probably) - lots of death and injury and similarly upsetting things (i was never really aware for example just HOW often we get close-ups of someone cutting their arm/hand in this show until a friend who was sensitive to that sorta thing pointed it out)
and always remember that this show was written by Mostly Straight Men in 2005 and onwards. so dont let ur hopes get too high <3 all the best things about this show are unintentional writing choices and fan interpretation anyway
(PS: im PRETTY sure ive seen a Guide or two around about which episodes are skippable and which are character/plot important, so if you decide to get into this show But Dont Want To Spend 13+ Days Of Your Life on it, lmk! ill reblog one or something)
#spn#anon#asked#a personal blogging experience#this all to say! dear anon!! that i am for One not the best person to talk about the Many fuckin hatecrimes this show commits#(i am queer neurodivergent and a woman and thats about all i can claim for myself. so! yeah. other ppl have written up MUCH better Takes#about for example the racism and trans/homophobia baked into this show#and i encourage you to maybe seek those things out first!! esp if you seeing stuff like that might affect you#the Other thing is also that as much as i hate this show for a lot of reasons. i dont really like holding onto negativity too much#bc it just kinda exhausts me. so if youve gotten a positive image of this show from my tag ramblings????#please know that i am a sentimental bitch who likes to pretend sometimes that this show doesnt suck as bad as it does lmao#it was a Big Part of my highschool years so i just. feel some kinda way about it#SO? do i recommend it? yes/no. its a bad show except sometimes it really HITS. its a good show except i hate it intensely#i will recommend it but ONLY on the condition that you know what ur signing up for (a lot of disappointment most likely)#i ASSUME that if uve followed me for any length of time you know im a tag-ranting kinda person and that u should read my tags always.#so if you are still reading these: hi i love you <3#its very weird to hear that i am any sort of parasocial influence on other ppl. but im always happy to spread my brain rot <3#EDIT: ive sat here for like 10 minutes maybe and like. anon if ur readin this: PLEASE feel free to message me or send an ask off-anon#i would LOVE to talk more with u if ur down for that
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letaliabane · 2 years
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Okay first, Ur battinson fics are so perfect and each one leaves me wanting more!!!
So I had this thought why not bruce having a wife and she knows he is batman and worries about him all the time but she is the one healing him and taking care of his injuries and stuff, so to follow the timeline of the movie how about we see a worried Bruce/batman at the scene when the city floods? U know he pickes her up and makes sure she is in a safe place and they lock eyes when he decides to cut the elecricity wire and she thinks he is dying then they just reunite?
I had this idea since watching the movie and if u don’t like it I am totally okay with ut and can’t wait to read more of battinson fics. Stay safe and sending love🤍🤍
the assistant and the wife
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bruce wayne x reader/batman x reader
spoilers for the movie!! (do yourselves a favour and go see it!)
warnings: near drowning, description of wounds, stitches
genre: married couple being a badass team, angst, soft!brucewayne
a/n: andddd I am back! Sorry for the break just needed to have some time to myself to regenerate. omg I love this idea so much thank you for sending in your request @pedrohoe04 ​​​​!
‘Y/N where are you?!’
A small shriek left you, jumping as your earpiece crackled to life, trying to remain casual as you reached up to fix your hair. 
You had been the wife of Bruce Wayne for many years, to the Batman you had been his “assistant” and “confidant” since the very beginning of his journey. 
Well, nearly the beginning, you had caught Alfred taking a tray of medical tools and painkillers towards the elevator hurriedly one night. Letting some time passed you followed to find the old underground railroad turned into a facility, and in the corner opposite the elevator, is where the butler stood over the Batman, or as you found out, your husband who stared at you wide eyed. 
It had been a hard pill to swallow at first, taking some time away from him before returning and accepting his new life. 
The only condition? You had be apart of it; no more secrets between the two of you. And though he struggled with it at first, Bruce eventually accepted the terms. 
Which is how you became his assistant! Helping with cases by doing more research, solving cyphers, and using your power as Mrs Wayne to sometimes disguise his sudden disappearances or even to gain favours or more information for his cases. 
‘I’m at the Bella Reál’s First Speech! Why? How did the visit at Arkham go-’
‘You need to get somewhere safe! It’s about to be filled with thousands of Gotham’s citizens-’
Suddenly you saw the doors burst open, people rushing in hysterical, running down the staircases, those who were seated turning to them in confusion.
‘Bruce what the hell is going on-’
‘Nashton. He bombed the ravines across the city, wanted to see the people crawl, uproot the corruption from the hierarchy, wanted me right where he wanted-’
Your eyes widened at the revelation, getting to your feet and beginning to push your way through the growing crowds. 
‘So you’re saying it may have been his plan all along for all this to happen?’ 
‘Yes I just-I didn’t see it! I can’t believe I didn’t see all the signs and missed the-’
‘Hey!’ You call to him, ‘You know now! Thats all that matters. You’ve gotta focus and do what you’ve got to do!‘
As his wife you knew Bruce tended to tumble into a rabbit hole with his thoughts and all you wanted to do was comfort him, to stop him from putting himself down. But you couldn’t. 
This was the assistant in you talking. You couldn’t mollycoddle him. You never did in situations where it concerned the Batman. Not when people’s lives were at risk. 
You heard him take a deep breath. ‘Your right, I know what to do. Be safe Y/N.’
‘You too Batsy.’ 
When the line went completely silent, you slowly made your way up the stairs and got to work.
Not wanting to raise any alarms or frighten anyone, you began to coax people towards the higher levels of the arena as a ‘recommendation.’ Many easily went up at the recognition of ‘Mrs Wayne’ before them, some others taking a little more convincing. 
Only when the cops began to roll in did you finally make your way up higher. That was until suddenly gunshots went off high above, a shriek leaving you and many others, immediately sending people into a frenzy, even louder screams echoing across the cavernous space. 
Glancing upwards you barely caught sight of the gunmen before multiple explosions went off, the entire glass ceiling caving in, a great black shadow falling over them sending them to their knees or to the stage below. 
You couldn’t help but smirk before rushing up the stairs. 
Amidst the chaos, the rattling metal and the shaking of the walls increased,  water beginning to pour like waterfalls down the staircases into the lower levels. From what you could make out through the darkness was most people up at a relative level away from the oncoming danger. 
The crying of a child caught your attention. A young girl now hip deep in the water, arms flailing, the water rising faster and faster around her. Glancing around, a deep anger burned in your stomach at the lack of help anyone was providing, looking between one another. 
Without hesitation you dropped your things and jumped into the water, momentarily cursing as the coldness sweeping over you like pins and needles. You were quick to scoop the little one up into your arms, swimming over to the highest staircase where a man stood, handing over the child. 
Reaching to climb out of the water suddenly you were pulled under into the cold depths, a tight grip on the back of your blouse dragging you back. Struggling, you kicked and threw your weight against the body on top of you. 
Gasping as you came up from the water, you shoved them away; it was a man, his head wrapped in duct tape with cracked glasses that shone brightly in the lights; just like the Riddlers. He lunged at you with a growl, arms aimed perfectly for your head where he shoved you back down, holding you under the water by your shoulders. 
Thrashing, you slammed your hands against him but began to feel your arms go limp until he was suddenly gone from above you. You scarcely know how you were pulled out of the water, only that you’re puking your guts out across the ground on all fours. 
‘What did I say about being safe Y/N?!’ 
Blinking rapidly, looking up into the familiar face of Batman as he pushed away the wet hair out of your face. His eyes were wide, those familiar piercing blue eyes tainted with fear. You winced in sudden pain, looking down to see him gripping your forearm tight. Squeezing his hand, you weakly smiled up at him. 
‘I’m fine Batman. You need to go!’
He hesitated for a moment but nodded, barely grazing your cheek with the tips of his gloved hand before releasing his grappling hook. He flew back towards the high ramparts where gunshots still chorused, disappearing within a cloud of smoke. 
You weakly leant yourself against the railing, letting your eyes slide shut trying to regain your breath. It was the snapping of wires, the groan of metal and the crackle of electricity that had your eyes shooting open, watching the overheard screens begin to collapse, right into the crowd below. 
A black mass in your peripheral made you flinch, glancing towards the Batman swinging towards the cord that barely held up the now electrified screens that swung precariously through the air. Watching in a trance your husband detaching the knife from his chest.
‘No .. no no!’ You cried, struggling to your feet, reaching towards him. His eyes flickered towards you briefly, holding your gaze before he let out a guttural cry, slashing at thick band of wires. 
A wretched scream rang out; you didn’t realise it was coming from you as you watched your husband plummet, electrical sparks flying across his suit before he disappeared into the murky depths below. 
Legs buckling beneath your weight you collapsed to the ground, sobs erupting from your chest. Your hand still lay outstretched towards the waters, the world spinning violently around you, nails digging into the railing painfully. 
Suddenly a light shone within the darkness, so bright you had to cover your eyes. The flare dimmed slowly, looking down into the pit of debris to see Batman rising from the waters, flare held aloft amidst the darkness. 
It was like an electric shock shot through you when the earpiece came to life once more, tears silently streaming down your face as your husband said, ‘Hold on Y/N, I’m coming to get you.’ 
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Bruce tried to hold back a hiss of pain, gripping the edges of the steel medical table he lay on, but you felt him flinch against your touch, levitating the pressure. 
‘Sorry,’ You said softly, continuing to gently dab at the bloodied wounds on his chest with a sponge, wanting to make sure they were clean before going in with the needle and thread. 
After the people had been evacuated from the arena, Bruce navigated the skyscrapers safely back to Wayne Tower with you in his arms, collapsing on arrival from complete exhaustion and the wounds he had sustained. 
With Alfred’s help you were able to get him into the bedroom where the butler had already prepared the medical table. Briefly changing, you started work on your unconscious husband, cleaning and sowing up the bullet wound on his leg. 
It was hours later he blinked awake, finding you sitting beside him on the table attending to him. 
Now he leant against the wall as you worked, very little being said between the two of you. He knew all you wanted was to solely focus on the task at hand, and only when you were ready you would talk.  
With a final knot and flourish, you put the needle and thread aside, going over the wounds with a fresh cloth to wipe away any remaining blood or fluids. 
Tracing the jagged scars that were imprinted on Bruce’s skin, it was then that the events of the night crashed upon you; how close Nashton had been to killing so many innocent people, how close you were to losing your husband. 
You dropped your head against his chest with a heavy sigh, letting your hands run up and down his biceps. Bruce cradled the back of your head, his fingers slipping through your hair.
Quietly you spoke, voice trembling. ‘You really scared me tonight Bruce. When I saw you fall I thought ... I thought I’d lost you-’
You felt him go rigid beneath you, his grip tightening on the back of your neck. ‘And what about you?’ 
Confused, you raised your head. He was looking at you with an incredulous expression. 
‘I told you to get to safety and yet where do I find my wife? Helping people to safety and risking her life for others as well and nearly drowning!’
Oh right! You’d completely forgotten about that in all honestly. You could’ve died tonight if it hadn’t been for Bruce’s quick thinking and keen eye. 
‘Don’t-don’t ever think I’m undermining your work. Because I’m not! What you do is just as important as what the Batman does, even more. Protecting the people of Gotham in your way, putting your neck out to protect me constantly as my wife, nursing me back to health-'
'But Bruce-' He stopped you with a firm look, softening as he caressed your cheek.
'I just-I now know what it’s like to be in your shoes on the other side of all this. And I’ve never felt that afraid since-since ...’ 
Pain seized your heart in a tight grip at his words. Your eyes flickered downwards, unknowingly fiddling with your fingertips anxiously. Bruce gripped your hand, letting his thumb run over your knuckles. 
‘Y/N,’ He called to you softly, gripping your chin gently and leaning his forehead against yours, looking into your eyes. ‘I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always come back to you. As long as you do the same like we promised.’  
You nodded, the tears that had sprung to your eyes falling, nose nuzzling against his. Bruce gave you a small smile, pulling away to kiss your forehead lovingly. 
Together you breathed deeply. In that moment with the sun rising over the horizon, it was a moment between Bruce Wayne and his wife Y/N, long were the Batman and the assistant gone.
Thoughts wandering back towards the hectic evening, you couldn’t help but chuckle under your breath. Bruce pulled away curiously.
‘What is it?’
‘I won’t lie it was ... delightful watching you in your element, how you took down all those men so easily.’ 
His cocked his eyebrow, bringing you closer by your hips with a firm grip. ‘Is that so?’
You giggled girlishly as he wrapped his arms around your waist, smiling down at you. Bruce kisses you, his lips are firm and controlling but also tender. Carefully you let your arms tangle around his neck, weaving your hand into his hair pulling him in close.
Sure being the assistant to the Batman was a gruelling task, sometimes you despised it, sometimes it sent fear flush through your veins. But the greatest reward was working with your husband to do better for the city and its people you both saw worth fighting for.
masterlist - robert pattinson masterlist
requests are welcomed in the ask box if anyone would like one
________
tagged: @mischiefmanaged71 @xoxoloverb @wandas-wife @t-stark35  @laufeysonsbarnes @sillynillybilly @honey-im-hotdog @shannonxg @ceruleanrainblues @hawkchaos​ @a-bolanos​​ @tsunchani
tags that aren’t working:
@blkwayne @techno54 @loverofminee @notgonnadothis @taetaeyeontae @abarelyexistentbeing @mybookslibrarieskpopbear
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kurogiriis · 4 years
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Could I get some hard of hearing bakugou (because of his quirk) teaching his S/O some sign language? Good luck on ur blog :)
A/N: thaaaanks :D!!! – HoH Bakugou is actually one of my favorite headcanons lol along with HoH present mic part 2 (kind of)
HoH Bakugou Katsuki with an S/O who learns sign language
💥 Although usually masked with his “I’m the best at everything, everyone else sucks” personality, Katsuki is pretty self-conscious about his. 
💥 His hearing wasn’t a problem when he was younger. Not even in middle school. 
💥 But, when he entered U.A. and his quirk got more powerful, his hearing deteriorated. 
💥 This frustrated him since there was a direct correlation between him getting stronger and him slowly going deaf. 
💥 Over time, he learned to accept this as a new part of his life. 
💥 But he still preferred to keep it under wraps. After all, it was none of those extras’ business anyway.
💥 Cut to when he met you. 
💥 You were one of the best students of the hero course and classified in the top 5 ranks during the sports festival. 
💥 That in addition to your stellar grades and powerful quirk earned you some respect from the explosive blond. 
💥 You and Katsuki soon became a couple nearing the end of your first year. 
💥 You adored your dedicated boyfriend. 
💥 His constant hard work to achieve the #1 was honestly inspiring and you admired him so much for it. 
💥 You guys were pretty open and avoided keeping secrets, but he didn’t tell you right away.
💥 One night, after hanging out in his room all afternoon, he confides in you and tells you his only secret. 
💥 You understood his feelings right away and the night was followed by a ton of “thank you for trusting me’s”, “I love you so much’s”, and cuddles. 
💥 You assured him it was nothing to be self-conscious about, it just proves how much more you deserve the #1 spot
💥 After hearing about his condition, you knew what you had to do next. 
💥 Learn JSL, ofc. 
💥 You looked up so many Youtube tutorials and textbooks it took 2GB of your computer’s memory. 0.0
💥 You ended up signing up for classes since it was what most websites recommended. 
💥 After a few months, you knew the basic phrases like “y/n,” “hello,” “how are you,” “please and thank you,” the five w’s, “yes and no,” and I love you.” Along some other ones to connect your sentences. 
💥 After relentless practice, you knew you were ready to show Katsuki. 
💥 During one late-night study sesh, instead of asking him out loud, you signed him a question about the homework. 
💥 katsuki.exe stopped working 
💥 He stares for a second before recollecting himself and signing back the answer. 
💥 You nod and write it down in your notebook.
💥 “Since when do you know sign language?” 
💥 “I started practicing after you told me, did I sign it right?” 
💥 Needless to say, he was very fucking touched after this. 
💥 “Y/n learned JSL just to talk to me” 
💥 After that, you guys signed to each other all the time.
💥 Mostly in private since it would be hard for the rest of the bakusquad to keep up with the conversation, but also in public to talk in a more private manner. 
💥 You guys even came up with your own unique signs for times when you really didn’t want anyone to know what you were talking about. 
💥 Your hand looked like this  🤟 every time he looked over at you
💥 And, without fail, he would always blush.
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babbity-draws · 3 years
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Hi, I absolutely love your artwork!! Especially the Francis Abernathy one!
I had a quick question, and possibly a stupid one, When you want to sell a piece specifically and put it online, how do you ensure someone doesn't just download and print it?? Or sending them a final click of their commision and they just download that?
Hi!! Thanku for liking my artwork!!! 🥺💖💖 I won't lie, I may not be the best person to be asked this question bc i dont sell my work online or do commissions (i usually just sell physical prints at conventions!), but I'll try my best to answer w/ what i know!!
Unfortunately there's no way to guarantee that someone online won't just download and use ur art at their own will, there are some ppl who are just mean and cant be reasoned with 😖😖
What you can do is watermark everything u post online! either ur signature, name, url/internet handle, whatver u choose, just place it somewhere hard to crop, like near the main subject matter or even at like a 50% opacity over a detailed section of ur art so its hard for reposters/art thieves to edit out! There's an artist I love that has their url just watermark overlayed from end to end of their piece so its just Huge! I'd also recommend never posting high-res versions of ur pieces online. there's a save option in most programs thats "save for web" where u have the option of choosing the resolution of your final piece. This will just make it harder for ppl to resell ur stuff bc if they try to enlarge it, it'll be quite blurry!
As for commissions, i'd recommend asking for full payment upfront (or 50% payment first and the 50% payment just before u send the final product) and making it clear to ur commissioner ur terms and conditions (i.e. personal use only, that u as the artist still maintain all copyrights, not to be used for profit, etc.). you can also watermark all the WIPs u send ur commissioner until ur ready to send them the final finished product once payment has been settled! Make sure u get everything in writing too, whether its in emails or creating a "Commission Form" for the commissioner to fill out and sign with what they want + making sure they're aware and agree to ur terms and conditions!
if worse comes to worse, most social media platforms allow you to report someone for copyright infringement! Its a rough process but ive deffs heard of times when it's worked! I'd also say familiarise urself w/ the copyright laws of where you live, i'm not sure abt outside of australia (where i live) but here it's that as soon as someone creates a piece of art, they immediately own the copyrights to it, u dont even have to register it anywhere (u can even have this in ur watermark! e.i. [ur name]  © 2021 [or yr of creation])!
the only reason why i havent done any of these things is bc im incredibly lazy ahaha im a really really small time/obscure artist with a tiny, yet wonderful, following so i haven't really had to worry abt reposters/art thieves (if ive been reposted, i have no idea but i 100% do NOT give permission!!). But that being said, even if youre a small time artist and haven't had to deal w/ these things, its still a good idea to put these things into practice! dont be like me lol
sorry, i know this got very long winded, but i hope it all makes sense and helps u some! please feel free to hit me up w/ more questions, and i'll try to answer them the best i can!!! best of luck to u 🤞💖💖
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naberiie · 5 years
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penumbra.
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arc trooper fives/handmaiden rabé; umbara au; 6.6k. for @yazminkhaan (I’m so sorry this is so late, I hope some angst makes up for my poor planning and time management skills)💗💗💗
“There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights...”
[CT-6116] have I gone mad,
[CT-6116] or
[CT-6116] am I watching a civvie craft touch down right now?
[CT-5597] wtf
[CT-5597] can’t be, all civvies were evacuated
[CT-6116] there’s a ship landing and it’s not GAR-issue
[CT-5597] which landing bay
[CT-6116] bay 3
[CT-5597] u sure it’s not supplies or smth
[CT-6116] FUCK me
[CT-6116] no, it’s Definitely not
[CT-5597] ???
[CT-6116] I’m switching to the main channel
[CT-5597] ur talking like a jedi rn
[CT-5597] ugh
[CT-7567] Tup, Dogma, General Krell wants that breach filled and repaired by mid-afternoon.
[CT-5385] Yes sir
[CT-5385] Sir?
[CT-7567] Go ahead, Tup.
[CT-5385] Will the cease-fire last long?
[CT-7567] General isn’t optimistic, which is why we need to get that breach repaired ASAP.
[CT-3219] Yes, sir.
[CT-6116] HEY where’s fives?
[CT-7567] Not here, Kix.
[CT-5597] probably getting yelled at again
[CT-6116] @CT-27-5555 WHERE ARE YOU
[CT-7567] Take it to a private channel, Kix!
[CT-6116] FIVES GET IN HERE
[CT-8694] wtf kix
[CT-6116] ARC TROOPER FIVES
[CT-5597] kix is refusing to tell me what’s going on
[CT-27-5555] fucking WHAT
[CT-5597] where u getting yelled at again
[CT-27-5555] shut up
[CT-27-5555] WHAT, kix
[CT-6116] rabé
[CT-27-5555] you can’t steal my girlfriend, kix
[CT-8694] lmfao
[CT-6116] she’s Here
[CT-27-5555] ..what?
[CT-7567] What are you talking about??
[CT-27-5555] what do you mean “she’s here”
[CT-6116] I mean I’m watching her Disembark
[CT-6116] right now
[CT-5597] what the fuck
[CT-6116] she’s getting off of a ship right now
[CT-8694] what the hell
[CT-5597] that was her ship???
[CT-27-5555] kix I swear to gods I am going to knock your lights out
[CT-7567] Watch it.
[CT-27-5555] this isn’t funny
[CT-6116] landing bay 3
[CT-27-5555] her assignment is halfway across the fucking galaxy right now kix what the HELL are you talking about
[CT-6116] LANDING. BAY. THREE.
[CT-6116] She’s
[CT-6116] The others are here, too
[CT-6116] Sabé just
[CT-6116] She just greeted the General
[CT-6116] He knew they were coming
[CT-5597] hey what the entire fuck is going on
[CT-8694] weird fuckin joke, kix
[CT-6116] Shut up Hardcase
[CT-6116] I’m Not lying
[CT-27-5555] why is she here
[CT-27-5555] kix you had BETTER be lying to me
[CT-27-5555] she can’t be here
[CT-27-5555] she CANNOT be here
[CT-27-5555] this is a live warzone she can’t be here
[CT-7567] Sounds like you need to get to landing bay 3, Fives.
[CT-27-5555] fucking hells
[CT-27-5555] she can’t be here
[CT-8694] …
[CT-8694] would the general have called them in
[CT-8694] for the ceasefire negotiations
[CT-5597] that’s
[CT-5597] why /them?/
[CT-8694] he doesn’t like fives
[CT-8694] does he know abt him and rabé?
[CT-7567] Enough speculating.
[CT-5597] did you know abt this??
[CT-7567] No. I’m going to the landing bay as well. If anything, the handmaidens will have a clear assignment; they’ll know what’s going on.
[CT-7567] Dogma, Tup. Get started on that repairing that breach.
[CT-3219] Yes, sir.
[INCOMING MEMO - - ALL TROOPS - - TOP PRIORITY - - GENERAL KRELL]
The Umbaran militia have been backed into a corner and have agreed to negotiate a ceasefire, on the condition that the Republic send ambassadors not currently engaged in the conflict.
Three negotiators have arrived, and will be escorted by a small retinue of clones into the demilitarized zone tomorrow for negotiations.
CT-7567 will assign troopers to the escort.
[END MEMO]
[CT-5597] all the fucking hells
[CT-6116] I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
Kix caught him just before he careened around the corner to the landing bay. “General’s talking to them now.” The underlying words don’t go pick a fight were perfectly clear, but Fives was seeing red and he was not in the mood to listen.
He’d seen the memo just as he’d seen the ship.
Their ship.
Her ship.
A part of him had howled in fury at seeing the sleek chrome craft reflecting the thick neon of the bioluminescent flora that shimmered at the edge of the compound, but his mouth was filled with bitter dread. Wake up, wake up, wake up, trooper.
It was out of place on this blood-soaked planet, that elegant craft. Warm light spilled from the interior, and – sure enough – tiny Sabé was speaking to the General, who towered over her. Fives glanced to Kix and knew that both of them wanted to do nothing more than to scream at the women to get back in their ship, to fly away and not look back. Eirtaé was listening to the conversation with an impassive face, the neon dancing on her pale skin, her bright blonde hair, and right behind her –
“Keep it together, Fives-”
“She shouldn’t be here-”
“Why are they here-”
-Rabé only had eyes for him.
“Kix,” and then his throat closed around the words that he couldn’t bring himself to say. He knew the handmaidens were trained, well trained, he knew that they could handle themselves in any situation the galaxy could through at them – but a rogue Jedi, a Jedi gone mad with power and bloodlust?
A Jedi who hated clones?
“I know, Fives – but you can’t, you cannot just march up to them, think this through before you do anything stupid and get yourself killed-”
Krell shifted and both troopers froze, tensed like womp-rats. Rabé was still looking at them but now her eyebrows had knit together in concern – Kix holding Fives back, Fives frozen in utter terror – and she cocked her head. Fives’ heart stuttered at the sight, he hated the fact that he couldn’t explain anything to her, not with the General right there, he hated that he was hurting her, even a little. Eirtaé had spotted them now, too, her face impassive as her sharp ice eyes bored into Fives.
Like she sensed something was wrong.
Fives twisted his arm out of Kix’s grip and quickly signed – clumsily, he wasn’t as used to the Nabooian sign language – danger. On guard.
Eirtaé did not react, except for a slight narrowing of her eyes. Rabé had come to join the conversation with the General now, and none of the women reacted to what he’d signed. He wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that not even their heartbeats had changed, had registered surprise or tension or confusion. Rabé crossed her arms and her fingers moved quickly on her forearm, mirroring his own sign but far more gracefully: on guard, understood.
They didn’t know what he was referring to, but the trust was immediate.
The General knew Kix and Fives were there, of course. There was no doubt in Fives’ mind – and before they could do anything more, Krell called out behind him, “Captain Rex, I’d like to speak with you.”
Fives turned, caught Rex’s eye as he too rounded the corner, and continued on without a word, without stopping until he stood before the handmaidens. Sabé gave him a tight smile in greeting, but the other two were impassive – what Rabé called their handmaiden masks slid firmly into place. Not a thought, not an emotion, leaked out from behind that marble-like façade. He’d warned them, but they didn’t know the danger was right in front of them.
Kix was motionless besides him. They both watched, tense, as the conversation flowed quickly between the captains and the General. Fives hardly dared breathe – but he couldn’t hear anything besides the low rumble of Krell’s voice.
Rabé’s eyes kept finding Fives’.
Run, run, run far away.
“You wanted to see me, General?”
Fives hoped he could sense the absolute loathing around each of the words. He aimed them like blast shots; the words polite, but the tone cold and furious. Krell had purposefully kept him busy, purposefully had him running circles around the base so that he couldn’t talk to Rabé. Toying with them both like a cat with a mouse.
And, with a burning guilt, Fives had realized he’d been almost grateful, for the excuses.
He knew what he had to do, but he absolutely did not have the strength to do it.
“Yes. I heard you made a request to be a part of the escort team for our negotiators.”
“Yes, sir. I’ve worked with the handmaidens before. They know me.”
“Hmph.” Krell glanced over his shoulder and the look in his eyes made the hairs on the back of Fives’ neck stand on end. “That’s one way to put it, isn’t it.”
He stepped aside, and Fives found himself staring at a holo of Rabé.
His stomach dropped to the core of this blood-soaked planet, and his skin went cold.
“I’ve been doing some reading, ARC-5555. When General Kenobi sent his recommendations for a team of negotiators, I made sure to read through their files so as to pick the most skilled, the ones best under pressure. These women stood out. I noticed the notation of their work on Alderaan; it overlapped with yours.” Krell lazily flicked his hand, and now Fives was staring at his own file, and immediately he knew how his worst nightmare had come to pass. “A fascinating request on your file, ARC. ‘If KIA: bequeath helmet, armor, and gear to one Rabé Bhutia of Naboo.’”
Fives swallowed thickly as Krell went on, “A clone with a will, even though your armor technically belongs to the Republic and would probably be left wherever you die. Who would do this for you? Who would go through the effort of picking up the armor and sending it to this… Rabé?”
Fives’ skin crawled when the monster dared utter her name. “General Skywalker and Captain Rex have given me their word, sir.” His voice was thick, full of dread, and Krell smiled.
It was silent in the room as they coldly regarded the other. Fives – in a moment of bliss, dazed from her kisses and touches and sunlit warmth – had made the notation in his file. He’d wanted her to have his things, should the war swallow him whole. He wanted to give her something to remember him by. He hadn’t told her about the notation, and now… and now Krell had called her, the other handmaidens, to this place of death.
He wanted to turn around and run, run until he found them, tell them to go away, go far away, the General plays with lives like their nothing and now I’ve given him more ammunition than he knows what to do with, it’s a game to him, we don’t mean anything, he plays with our pain-
“You are not to go on the escort team.”
Fives’ head went numb. “What?”
“You’re not to go. You are too close to one of the negotiators. You’re staying here, clone.”
“General, please reconsider-”
“And that’s my final order, ARC-5555.”
The words curdled in his throat as Krell flicked back to Rabé’s file. Krell folded two of his arms behind his back and stroked his chin with a third as he stared at it, took in her many accomplishments. “I find this… relationship you have with her amusing.”
Fives bit down so hard on his tongue he tasted blood.
“You’re just a petty amusement for her. A way to pass the time. Don’t you realize that? Sooner or later she’ll tire of you. She’ll leave and find someone… whole.”
“Whole.” Fives repeated bitterly, almost wanting to spit blood at the General’s feet.
“You’re just a clone, after all. It’s only a matter of time before she grows tired. Casts you aside.” Krell’s grin grew sharper, and Fives wanted nothing more than to tear it off of his face, “But I think you already knew that on some level, didn’t you, clone?”
Yes.
“No, sir.” His hands shook, so he clasped them behind his back. “And – if I may speak openly – it’s none of your business.”
Krell blinked in what could almost pass for surprise – and then he chuckled. “That’s where you are absolutely wrong, clone.” He turned back to the projector, to Rabé’s datafile. “You’re not to go on the escort team. That’s final. Dismissed.”
For a brief moment Fives let himself revel in the fantasy of the forbidden: his blasters lay heavy against his hips, his hands twitched and ached and strained towards that cold deadly weapon – he let himself picture it, hear the sharp shots as they found their target, hear the heavy thud of a lifeless body falling to the floor – and then it passed.
He would not commit treason this day.
He turned, anger still thick in his blood, and punched the buttons on his comm until Rex answered. If he couldn’t go with the handmaidens, he’d have a hand in picking the escort team, even if he had to strongarm his way there.
He could hear the hum of the projector booth all the long way down the hall, and wondered if he’d be able to fly back there and destroy it so that Krell wouldn’t be able to look at her. It made him sick to think of it.
He couldn’t hide from her forever – not that he wanted to, not that he relished any part of this. She found him in the empty dark mess, when all of his brothers were asleep or on duty.
Her smile, when she saw him, was bright enough to sear his heart.
He desperately wanted to wake up from this nightmare.
“There you are!”
Before he could stop her, warn her, she practically threw herself at him and his arms caught of her their own accord, he bent down and kissed her warmly, deeply – a goodbye, as well as a long-dreamt of there you are. He knew it was crueler, this way, but he couldn’t help himself around her; his sunspot.
When he pulled back her cheeks were flushed like deep rich wine, hair a little tousled from where his hands and fingers had twined themselves, breath catching in her lungs. He stared down at her, mournful, as she caught her breath. His thumb traced over her bottom lip and she smiled – so he bent to kiss her again. Softly, softly.
You have to push her away.
He wondered if she could taste the blood on his lips.
“Ah – ha – Rex said you’d be in here,” she finally said when he came up for air, tracing and memorizing her hands in his, her body pressed against his armor. Despite himself, despite knowing what he must soon do, he smiled fondly at her. Traced the muscles of her arms, her back, through the thick warm fabric of her battlerobes. “I’ve missed you.”
Her smile was so beautiful as to break his heart. He looked down at her hands, ran his thumbs over the back of her hands. “I’ve missed you so much, sunspot.”
Rabé beamed and pressed herself up on her toes, cupping his face in her hands. Her eyes flickered, her thumb ran under one of his eyes, “You’re exhausted… My poor ARC…”
He exhaled, let himself relax into her touch. He could spare a few minutes of peace, couldn’t he? Just a few moments more of quiet love. “Mhm. It’s been…” but the words wouldn’t come. Already, already, the pain of the last few days had seared themselves onto his brain. Even glancing at those marks, those burned memories, made his blood run cold.
“My darling…” she whispered, and wrapped her arms around his neck, her voice dropping to that low register than made him shiver with delight, “The warning, at the landing bay – what’s happened? How can I help?”
Face buried in her shoulder, he shook his head. He breathed deeply, trying to calm his racing heart, trying to memorize the feel of her, the warmth of her. He shook his head again and picked his head up to look at her, quietly. After a moment, he finally said, “…You shouldn’t be here.”
She made a little face, “Aw, that’s not quite the reaction I wanted,” her large eyes dark and deep enough to wrap him in comfort, as her hands went to cup his face – and when he grabbed them, when he moved them away, the playful flirtatiousness was replaced almost immediately with concern. With fear. Her eyebrows knit together and his heart seized at the look she gave him – but he had no choice. He had to reject her. He couldn’t risk Krell getting any more ammunition than he already had.
“Fives…?”
He shook his head and – damn the tears, they were pooling under his eyelids and he wanted nothing more than to sag forward into her embrace, to let her kiss his hands and scars and to hold the pain at bay. He wanted to tell her everything but Krell was a damned Jedi and who knew how much he could see, how much he could hear. So Fives shook his head again and murmured again, his voice broken even to his own ears, “You shouldn’t be here.”
He had to physically resist the urge to cup her cheeks, to run his hands through her hair, to pull her close and bury his face in her neck.
All he wanted was to hold her, to be held by her.
But he took a step back.
When he stepped away from her, the confused pain on her face mirrored the pain in every atom of his being. “It’s all a trap. The General… you shouldn’t be here. He hates us. Wants to kill us all.”
That was the first time he’d thought it, but as soon as the words slipped out of his mouth he knew them to be absolutely true.
“But – he’s a Jedi, why would he-”
“Sunspot, something’s rotten in him. It’s sick and twisted, like some rotten disease. He doesn’t think we’re… he doesn’t treat us like men. He marches us into death traps, doesn’t care how many we lose…” He raised his eyes and started to reach for her but stopped himself. He dropped his hand and Rabé’s expression pained him to his core. He whispered, “He hates me, sunspot. He’s gonna try and kill me.”
Rabé sucked in a horrified gasp. Her eyes hardened. “I’d like to see him try.”
The thought of Rabé marching up to Krell – it filled Fives with a deep terror, it overpowered the fierce adoration and love at her ferocious instinct to protect him. Krell could kill her without a second thought.
“Hey,” she whispered, her voice hoarse and her hands slipping around his back to support him, to guide him to the table. “Fives, I was – it was a joke, I wasn’t serious…”
“Don’t.” He shook her hands away. “Don’t say that… don’t.”
She stopped, and a heartbeat later her hands curled together in front of her chest. Tears in her own eyes, like his.
“It’s safer for you if you don’t… if you don’t…” He swallowed thickly, hands balled into fists on his legs, “Stay away from me.”
“Fives-”
“I’m serious. I’m serious. Stay away from me. You should – you need to leave.”
She blinked, and the tears slipped down over her cheeks and he had to close his eyes, look away. Coward, a voice in his head whispered, and to his horror – it sounded like Krell. “Leave, Rabé.”
“We haven’t seen each other in three weeks.” Her voice shook and every part of Fives’ body and mind and soul screamed for him to go to her, but he stayed still. Every muscle coiled in on itself, almost shaking in the effort to maintain the distance he’d fought for so long to close. “We haven’t seen each other for three weeks and now you don’t want to see me?”
Not that. It’s not that. “If he sees you with me – he might hurt you.”
“What if he hurts you?”
Only now did Fives open his eyes to find hers. She was maintaining the distance between them, but just barely. Her hands shook and the tears coursing down her cheeks made his heart seize in pain. “He already has, sunspot,” he murmured softly. “He’s put my brothers in danger and now he’s put you in danger.”
He left out the threats.
“Then let me help you, let me support you-”
“He doesn’t call us by our names, Rabé. Krell calls us by our numbers, and sends us into meatgrinders. That bottleneck out there?” He gestured with his chin towards that horrible place and shuddered as echoes of the screams drifted through his mind, “He sent us marching in columns through that. We had to leave so many behind…”
His words choked off into silence, and now he saw the dawning horror in her face as his words sunk in, and he went on in a heavy, sullen voice that did not sound like his own, “He doesn’t call us by our names, only our numbers. And I’ve looked at his files. He has one of the worst casualty rates in the entire fucking GAR and he absolutely hates me.”
I might not make it off this rock alive.
Her face contorted, like she’d heard the thought as clear as day, and the tears poured anew down her cheeks.
“You’ll be safer if you don’t… if we don’t… if we don’t interact.”
“I might be – and I don’t care-”
“Rabé! It’s for your safety, and mine, too.” When she didn’t speak, or even move to wipe her eyes, he went on, “Krell holds all the power here. I… I don’t know how to protect you from that.”
“You wish I wasn’t here.”
Fives closed his eyes, and nodded. After the first march under Krell’s orders, he’d let himself dream of her, of their grotto on Naboo. He’d tried to drown out the sounds of death with memories of her laugh.
But now she was here, and Fives wished that she was anywhere else but by his side.
It was utterly silent in the mess but Fives knew they were not alone. He felt like he was being watched, so he turned away from her and muttered, “Go away, Rabé.”
“…please, Fives-”
“Go.”
He was reminded of another dark room, another horrible conversation that had sliced him to his core.
His head was muddled, his heart heavy and pounding in his ears as he waited for her to leave-
“I love you, Fives.”
Rabé…
She whispered it, but it was like she’d pulled her blaster on him and shot him, point-blank, in the heart. He shut his eyes as the words settled onto his skin like a kiss, as it burned like embers on the underside of his eyelids. She didn’t know, couldn’t have known – Fives didn’t need as much sleep as she did, so on the rare nights they’d had together he would hold her close, watch her sleep, whisper I love you I love you I love you I love you in all the languages he knew, whispering  the words across the warm bare skin of her shoulders, whisper it into her thick hair as she slept soundly in his arms or trace the words in the small of her back – she couldn’t have known.
His heart ached in his chest and every fiber of his being begged him to turn around, to wrap his hands around her, pull her close, Fives she loves you, she LOVES you, FIVES-
“I do.” And then he heard the gentle swish of her heavy battlerobes – and she was gone.
The door slid shut behind her and Fives fell to his knees, the plastoid cracking hard against the duracrete and his entire body lurched with brutal, horrible regret, a burning sharp pain that lanced through every single one of his nerves.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
His hands clenched into fists on the cold floor, teeth gritting together as the pain flooded his body and hot tears dripped onto the back of his hands.
She loves you.
What have you done?
She kept her word.
Fives could have almost convinced himself he’d dreamed the whole horrible ordeal – had it not been for the sleek chrome ship still oh-so-innocently docked in landing bay three.
He had told her to stay away, and she did.
[CT-6116] Fives
[CT-6116] They’re leaving soon
[CT-6116] ETD 30 minutes
[CT-6116 ] …Fives?
[CT-27-5555] i saw
[CT-6116] OK
[CT-6116] Did you two have a fight, or something?
[CT-27-5555] no
[CT-27-5555] but i don’t want to talk abt it
[CT-27-5555] just leave it alone, kix
[CT-6116] …OK
Fives felt Rex’s eyes on him as he stepped out for the morning’s drills, but he pushed it to the back of his mind, focused instead on the bite of the strange dense Umbara soil on the palms of his hands, the way the richly oxygenated air filled his lungs – focused on anything except the absence of the troopers assigned escort duty.
The air was sharp and heavy with fear, with anticipation. If the negotiations worked, if the handma…. If the negotiators were successful, they could leave, leave this bioluminescent hellhole behind.
If they failed…
Fives bit down on his tongue until the pain swallowed that particular thought. Exhaustion tugged at the corners of his eyes but still he pushed himself, running the sets again and again and again until his muscles shrieked with pain, his lungs desperate, seizing like they were drowning, for a rest.
“Fives.”
Drops of sweat landed between his feet, disappearing almost immediately into the black Umbaran soil. He made his face impassive as he straightened. “Captain.”
The bags under Rex’s eyes had gotten darker, almost as if the strange neon lights of this world had woven together to fashion a cloak made of pain to drape over the Captain’s shoulders. Still he stood tall, unperturbed by the ghosts clinging to his pauldron. His mouth was set in a thin line – something natborns could never understand was the strangeness of your own face following you around wherever you went, your eyes and your lips and your voice calling for you, ordering you, laughing with you, crying with you, cursing with you.
Rex simply looked at him, and Fives’ temper started to tick. “How can I help you, Captain?”
“What happened?”
The words bristled over Fives’ skin like burs, even though Rex asked with no judgment – only a weary concern. “That’s none of your business.”
“It absolutely is, since you seem hell-bent on running yourself into an early grave and angering two-thirds of our negotiating party.”
Sabé and Eirtaé would be out for his blood, after what he did to Rabé. “It would be better if she didn’t hang around me too much.” Dead man walking.
Rex’s features twisted in confusion. “She knows what being a soldier entails. I don’t think much here would shock her.”
Another tick. “That’s not what I meant.”
Rex truly was exhausted, because Fives very clearly saw the flash of anger, of exasperation, in his eyes. “Then what?”
“They shouldn’t be here, Rex.” And when Rex sighed, brought a hand to rub his eyes, the temper started to burn in Fives’ belly. “Something’s not right – negotiations? They still hold the capital city! They slaughtered us, not forty-eight hours ago – and now all of a sudden, General says the Umbarans want to negotiate? There’s no logic to that!”
“It’s a small civilian militia, it’s not totally impossible that they’ve run themselves down.” But Fives saw the flicker of doubt in Rex’s dark eyes.
“The sooner the handmaidens are gone, the better – before the Umbarans get their shit together and bomb the hell out of this place!”
“So you thought that pushing Rabé away was the best course of action?”
“If it gets them out of here faster, then yes!”
“Fives, you cannot simply pretend that the handmaidens aren’t here! You cannot pretend that she isn’t here! She is – and trust me, I completely agree with you that calling them here was an irrational mistake-”
“Mistake?” For the first time since Skywalker had left, for the first time in what felt like months, Fives laughed – a short, bitter, hard laugh. “A mistake – Rex, are you fucking blind-”
“Watch it, trooper,” Rex snarled, but it was too late, Fives had been wound up and now the anger, the pain of the last day came roaring out of him like a typhoon.
“Krell didn’t call them here on a mistake! It wasn’t a fanciful whim – he did it on purpose, he found Rabé through me – he’s gone twisted with power and he wants us to suffer! All of us, even the handmaidens, because they’re our friends – it’s like some sick punishment, he doesn’t want us to just suffer, he wants to pit us against each other, against the Umbarans, for his own entertainment-”
Rex lunged for Fives’ arm and yanked him forward, exhaustion fleeing in favor of pure anger, “You are getting dangerously close to treason, Fives!”
He didn’t care. He spat it in Rex’s face, “It’s the truth-”
“Then why push her away? How does that help anything? All you’ve managed to do with this bullshit is create a rift between us and the handmaidens when we all need to be focusing on the bigger picture here!”
“I did it to protect her, to protect them!”
“No, Fives – you did it to protect yourself.” Rex jabbed his thumb over his shoulder, towards the thicket that hid the negotiations, “you did it to protect yourself, and now you’ve disorientated the handmaidens, distracted them from their job ��� I have no doubt they’ll perform well, but you risked all of that.”
Fives froze, rooted to the spot by his Captain’s words – the burning heat of his anger boiled in his blood, he swore he saw red – but before he could rip into Rex, the hangar behind them erupted with light – and four missiles launched.
Rex swore, all movement in the courtyard ground to a halt, as the 501st watched with blooming horror, watched as the four missiles carved up, up, up – and slowly, gracefully, painfully – arced back down towards the center of the thick forest.
“WHO AUTHORIZED THAT LAUNCH-”
“Breach, breach, we’ve had a breach-”
“Lock it all down! We’re in the middle of negotiations-”
“Cease fire! Cease fire!”
Umbaran missiles, it turned out, lit the horizon a sharp, terrible shade of blue – the entire forest shuddered, the earth shook under their feet, and Fives barely stopped himself from screaming in time with the high, horrible whistle.
Anger scattered.
“Rex-” Fives choked out, fear seizing his lungs as the mushroom cloud blossomed over their heads, even from this distance. “Rex-”
Rex was already bringing his wristcomms up, shouting, “Get me a position on the negotiators!”
He’d been a fool.
He’d pushed her away – the cloud brushed the tops of the flora, thick acrid smoke spiraling up and away into the inky skies – troopers raced all around them, barking orders, shouting questions – and Fives’ eyes turned up, up, up towards the tallest tower in the settlement, towards the silhouette of a Besalisk standing before the window, watching the outbreak of chaos below.
They didn’t know until three hours later – after the smoke had cleared, after the negotiation team had fought their way back to the compound – that it had been the Umbarans who had broken the negotiations first, that the only people who’d known was Krell in his high tower, and that Krell had been the one to authorize the launch.
Without telling any of his troops on the ground below.
When the team broke from the forest cover, darted back into the compound – breathing heavily, covered in muck and grime and sweat – Fives had nearly sobbed in relief. Their blasters were hot in their hands, and Rabé was moving like a lothwolf, a keen-eyed, sharp-sighted, utterly focused predator. Her movements were lithe, automatic but graceful, with an uncharacteristic sternness set to her features – but when she saw Fives, it was like watching the sun burst through the cloud cover. If she was angry at him still – which she had every right to be – she gave no sign.
Fives suspected she was just as relieved to be alive as he was.
The medics met them at the gate, pulled them in, and Fives waited a minute before following, following them into the medbay, sitting down next to her, and quietly taking her hand. Kix caught the motion but said nothing – in the swirling chaos of anger and blame and fear, Rabé squeezed his hand.
“I’m sorry, sunspot.”
He reserved his fury for Krell.
In hindsight, he shouldn’t have pushed the General. Shouldn’t have gone at it alone. Shouldn’t have pushed his luck.
He did it, anyways. He knew better than to confront Krell alone.
So he waited until after the morning’s inspection.
Stupid, in hindsight.
Rex saw the intent in his eyes but he was too far away to stop Fives as he marched up to the General and cleared his throat.
“General.”
“ARC-5555.” Krell returned the greeting politely enough but there is an undercurrent, a warning to those syllables, a gleam in his horrible eyes that says go on, I dare you. I relish this fight.
“Why were we not kept updated on the status of the negotiating team?”
“It was on a need-to-know basis, ARC, and you did not need to know.”
“I think we ought to have been made aware as soon as there was the slightest risk of the negotiating turning into something else! We could have been made ready to reinforce them, push the Umbarans back.”
“Are you telling me how to do my job, clone?”
“Sir-”
“Because if you are, know this: I do not take kindly to threats. I know the situation, I know more than you, I know how to best handle and crush the enemies as they stand opposed before us. Your job is to listen to what I tell you and to execute it in the most efficient manner.”
Fives’ fists clenched. “I agree, sir, which is why-”
“Just as I had suspected, the Umbarans had used the negotiations as a ploy, a trap to make us lower our guard. I had thought this might happen.”
“You thought this would happen and yet you still knowingly sent three civilians into the line of fire?” The handmaidens weren’t truly civilians, but Fives’ mind was a blistering cloud of seething anger with every word out of Krell’s mouth. “They could have been killed!”
“Such is the price to pay during a war.”
“You knowingly sent them into danger! There never was any negotiation, was there? You were ready to throw away their lives, our lives, while you sit and watch from the sidelines! You’re a coward and an ineffective leader, you should be removed from your post-”
The dense, molten heat from the saber slipped under his blacks, and Fives froze, the words dying on his tongue. The light near blinded him and the heavy gravity of the blade right next to his cheek – even through his bucket – made his blood churn with a sick, weighted dread. “Removed from my post, you say?”
Over Krell’s shoulder, Fives saw Kix grab Rabé’s arm with two hands, pull her back. The silence in the compound was complete. Her eyes were wide and dark with terror, boring into his helmet and Krell felt it. Because – damn the bastard! – he gave Fives a gentle, simpering smile.
Rage boiled across his eyes until Fives’ jaw ached.
“Careful, clone,” Krell murmured sweetly. “I could have you executed for treason. No one in the Senate or the Order would bat an eye.”
“I can think of several who might, sir.”
But at the moment, Fives realized with a cold start – despite the blistering, deadly heat not three inches from his throat – he could only think of one, and she was neither, and she was not fifteen feet away from him.
Rabé’s hands were curled into tight fists around the plastoid of Kix’s vambraces.
“Hm.” Krell lazily flicked the blade off and Fives’ center of gravity reverted back to normal – though his head still spun. “Perhaps you are right. But one dead clone among hundreds, among thousands of others? No one would waste their time.”
The silence lay heavy on all their shoulders as Krell stretched to his full height. “Commander Appo, place ARC-5555 in the brig until we can safely transport him back to Kamino. For reconditioning.”
Terror swept through his gut as Appo’s icy durasteel grip closed over his arm, and Fives’ horrified eyes found Rabé.
Krell put on hand on his shoulder and Fives did his best not to scream and kick and curse. “Ironic, isn’t it? You’ll forget her much sooner than she’ll forget you.”
Krell’s laughter echoed in his ears all the way down to the cells, echoed in his head until he couldn’t even remember the sound of Rabé’s laughter.
What have you done?
She came to visit in the middle of the night.
They couldn’t even touch each other through the ray shield.
She rested her palm against the blue energy field and he did the same – stripped to his blacks, he felt small and weak and utterly useless – and she murmured through the thickness in her throat, “My love, my love…”
They spoke quietly, but the walls have eyes and ears.
The next morning, Krell posted two guards to stand watch over Fives’ cell.
When she next came to visit, her sisters were with her, as were his brothers.
Rex looked…
Haunted.
They all did.
But Rex…
Like horror had seeped into his heart, like he was just barely keeping himself afloat.
Fives wondered when the last time he had slept, when any of them had slept.
And when they explained what had happened, the orders they had been given, the acts of terror they had unwittingly committed, Fives’ knees gave out but he did not sink to the floor. He merely looked at Rex and said simply, “Give me my blasters.”
His eyes said another thing, and he made sure to look at Jesse, at Kix, at Tup, until they all understood.
He wasn’t going to risk the handmaidens’ lives again.
He put his hand up against the ray shield and Rabé pressed her hand back – their places reversed, Sabé and Eirtaé spitting mad as the troopers stepped away. “This is our fight,” Fives said. Rabé nodded, she understood, of course she did. “We have to do this.”
Sabé glared daggers at the men watching silently as the lift took them back up, the three handmaidens trapped in the cell – trapped but safe. Just in case. Just in case.
Fives had never fought a Jedi before.
He strongly suspected Krell had abandoned that title long ago.
This is our fight. We have to do this.
Let us do this.
Fives wrapped her warmth in his mind as he readied his blaster.
For her, for her, it’s all for you, sunspot.
She sobbed with relief when he staggered back down to the cells, fell into his arms as soon as the shield went down, wept until he kissed her tears away, her sisters slipping out around them to his brothers above.
Krell no longer looked so looming, so horrible in the bioluminescent lights.
Rex had gone to contact General Kenobi.
There was nothing left to say.
Fives leaned against the sleek dark metals of the Umbaran compound, Rabé tucked under his arm. Like it was natural, like it was meant to be. She rested her cheek on his chest, and where her skin brushed against his armor Fives swore he could feel the warmth of the Nabooian sun spreading through his veins. Banishing the chill of Umbara, the rot of Krell.
He leaned down and kissed her hair, and swore he would never let her go.
49 notes · View notes
hamilton-one-shots · 6 years
Text
Hamilton High School AU 63
He tried to break away, but the arms were too strong around his waist. "Who the fuck are you?"
"You'd think you know. Last time you heard me talking, it was in court, where you got off free for breaking my leg defending my stupid ex."
James Reynolds. John kept fighting his grip and he'd usually be out of it without a fight, but he felt so weak. And that dizziness never went away. What was happening to him?..
His answer came out of the bathroom as Reynolds dragged him towards the back entrance. John Jay came by with a sly grin.
"What did you do?.."
He held up a packet of pills. "You really should watch what you drink. Turns out, James was after you and I hate you, so I helped him out. In return, he hurts you in the worst way I know how to."
"All that time in prison because of you and Maria. I know what I'm doing."
In John's mind, he was screaming and thrashing, but whatever Jay had put in his drink simply sucked the life out of him and he was hardly moving, hardly making any noise. He was completely at their mercy.
Thomas went into the bathroom only a minute later, furrowing his eyebrows as he saw that John was gone. Maybe he already went back into the- Woah! He almost slipped on some lipstick tube. He tutted and picked it up, furrowing his eyes. The color seemed a bit too familiar. He walked out and kept looking down, finding a phone.
He felt his heart drop.
He ran out into the main hall and looked around. Think... Think... He knew this building better than anyone there. Whoever was there would find a back entrance without a fire alarm. And the closest one was... This way! He began running and went straight out of the door, fire filling his eyes at what he saw.
He ran forward and tackled the other guy off of John, beating him down into the concrete until he heard the weakest voice coming from John, calling for him. He jumped off of the half conscious stranger and gave him one last strong kick before going to John. "I'm here for you.. I'm going to see how hurt you are, okay?"
He made sure to wait for a weak nod from John before he checked under his skirt. John didn't seem to be too badly hurt, but it was clear that Thomas had only gotten there seconds too soon. He heard a camera click from behind him and turned around, growling as he saw John Jay with a phone.
“I tried to be your friend, Thomas. Have fun getting your reputation back up after this.”
Thomas jumped to his feet and grabbed the stupid thing from Jay’s hands, smashing it too pieces against the ground, about to do the same to Jay himself.
John moved around a bit and tried to sit up. "Tho... Thomas... Home..." he whimpered.
Thomas paused, giving Jay just enough time to run, and let his expression soften before he turned to John. "We have to get you some help, sunshine..”
John whimpered and shook his head.
“I’ll be with you the whole time. We have to make sure you’re okay.”
After another few seconds, John replied. “Okay...”
“Can I pick you up?.."
He nodded.
Thomas scooped him up and carried him to his car, reclining the front seat as much as he could. "Are you hurt anywhere?.. He didn't hurt you anywhere else?"
John shook his head. "He touched me..." he whimpered. "Jay.. bad stuff in my drink..."
"He drugged you?.." He sighed. "I'm calling the police. I'm not letting that monster get away with this and I'm not letting Jay run free, okay?"
John cried softly and nodded, curling up as Thomas stepped outside and did just that.
When the police and ambulance arrived, Thomas sat with John in the back of the ambulance, holding his hand as the paramedics took his vital signs.
Jay was dragged out of the building kicking and screaming and an officer behind him had the pills that he'd kept in his pocket in an evidence bag. James Reynolds was in an ambulance too, but with more officers than anyone else.
Thomas sighed. "Do you want me to get Alex?.."
He shook his head and held Thomas's hand tighter.
He nodded and kissed his hand. "Can I tell him what happened? I'll tell him you don't want anyone else around."
He nodded and Thomas did just that, seeing that Alexander had been spamming his phone.
[tomas, wers jon? I cant find him] [serisly, im worying] [if ur doin da do jus tel me, but im woryd] [tomas, thers cops and ambulans her, wer r u nd jon?] [tomas, pls! jon wont nsr me eder!]
[I'm here and John's with me. I'm going to tell you what happened, but John doesn't really want me to let you come along. xx]
[ud betr not b fucin lyng]
[I'm serious, Alexander. I told you I'd never do anything to hurt John. xx]
Alexander frowned. He just wanted to know that John was okay. [fin]
[John got drugged by John Jay and sexually assaulted by this James Reynolds guy or something. xx]
Alexander felt his heart stop. He completely shut down, unable to respond, unable to talk, unable to think. What was he supposed to think? Supposed to do? Go to sleep and act like his boyfriend hadn't just almost gotten raped? Like he didn't want him to be there right now?
"Alexander, are you alright?.. Where's John?.."
"I... I..." He began clamming up and just gave his phone to Lafayette, who went pale at the texts before frantically responding. [It's Lafayette, can I com and make sure hes okay?]
Thomas frowned and asked John. "Do you want to see Lafayette?.."
He thought for a few seconds before shaking his head. "Just you..."
"Alright.." He figured that John would change his mind later, but for now, it was best to just listen. [I'm sorry, I really am, but John says he doesn't want to see anyone else. xx]
[Thomas, if you are lying to me, I will castrate you with my bare hands.]
[I'm taking you serious, Laf. I need you to trust me for John's sake, please. xx]
He sighed. [Fine.] He gave Alexander back his phone. "Maybe he just needs his space right now... He doesn't want to see me either. He's not mad because of the pamphlet." Of course he knew that Alexander thought it was because of that.
And Lafayette was right. Alexander visibly relaxed at hearing that it wasn't only him, but only by the slightest amount. He was still worried about John.
"Let's go home, okay?.. We can talk to him later, I promise. He's going to be just fine."
Alexander nodded and let Lafayette lead him out of the hall, joining the rest of everyone in a flood towards their cars.
Lafayette sat with him in his car for a few minutes, letting everyone get to their own and letting the crowd clear up as he called Hercules. "I'm going to be with Alexander. I have to make sure he's okay."
"What about you, Laf?.. I want to make sure that you're okay too... John is like a brother to us both.."
"I'll be fine.."
Alexander reached up and grabbed his wrist. "Let him over.. He can sleep with us as long as you two aren't all gross.."
Lafayette smiled softly and nodded. "Why don't we all stay together? You, me, and Alexander?"
"Alright. I'll pick up Rosie and some clothes, then I'll be at yours. I'll see you then, baby."
"I'll see you then." Lafayette hung up and began driving, taking Alexander home.
Luckily, George and Martha were already asleep, so they got upstairs without a problem, changing in their own rooms before laying down in Lafayette's.
When Hercules got there, Lafayette let him in and he joined them upstairs with little Rosie, laying down with Lafayette and Alexander. He kissed his datemate's cheek and they all fell asleep.
Thomas paced around the waiting room as he was forced to stay there, John getting checked out somewhere in another room. He only stopped when a nurse came in, calling his name. "How is he?"
"He's going to be okay. We want to keep him just until the drugs leave his system, then do another quick evaluation, but, from the details we got from him, we highly doubt that he could have contracted any diseases, though we did make sure to test him. He should be getting those results in a few days or a week. Over all, John is going to be just fine."
Thomas sighed and relaxed. "Thank you so much.."
"It's my job. You can come see him and I think you can make a case for staying the night. You're his boyfriend?"
Thomas nodded.
"Then having you here should be nothing but beneficial for him." She smiled and led him up to John's room.
The freckled boy was laying in his bed, watching the tv in the corner and wearing a hospital gown underneath the blankets. He smiled as he saw Thomas and opened his arms for him, hugging him as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Thank you.."
"No need to thank me.. Even if I wasn't your boyfriend, I would've kicked that guy's ass without a second thought."
The nurse smiled. "He's going away for a long time. He may not have done any permanent damage, but it was damage all the same and he does have a record."
John nodded. "Thanks.."
She nodded and walked out.
Thomas laid down beside John and put an arm around him. "How are you feeling?.."
"High as hell... But I've been worse."
"Poor baby.." He kissed his forehead. "Do you need anything?"
He shook his head.
"You still don't want anyone else here?"
He shook his head again. "Just you.."
"That's fine." He smiled a bit.
"Thomas?.."
"What is it, baby?"
"Is the dress okay?"
He chuckled. "It's not in too bad shape. I'm sure Sarah would understand and help you."
John just nodded.
"Go to sleep, sunshine."
He nodded again and fell asleep, Thomas sleeping beside him.
In the morning, John woke up to a gently nudge from one of the nurses, Thomas still fast asleep beside him.
"Sorry to wake you.. I just need to ask a few questions about your condition."
He nodded. "Okay.."
"How are you feeling this morning?"
"I'm kind of sore everywhere.. And my head kind of hurts, but I'm not too bad. Like, if I had the flu."
She nodded and wrote that down. "Is there anything else?"
"No. I'm alright otherwise."
"Great." She smiled and gave him a brochure for a therapist. "I recommend seeing this doctor when you're ready. It's not necessary in the healing process, but I highly recommend it."
John nodded, pretending to consider it. "Thank you.."
"Of course. We just need to run a few quick tests, then you'll be ready to leave."
He nodded again and let her test his reflexes. He couldn't even let them test his pupil dilation the night before because he cried and thrashed as soon as it started thanks to how blown out his pupils already were. And Thomas had to hold him as they took his temperature and hold his hand as they got his dress off and checked him for physical damage. He was a mess made a whimpering child by drugs.
"All done."
John blinked a few times. Already? He only vaguely remembered a few followed instructions, but it seemed that he'd spent his attention on his own internal turmoil.
Thomas began to stir. "What time is it?.."
"It's just about to be 8 in the morning. Mr Laurens is ready to go home once you're ready. You can run and bring him a change of clothes, if you want."
Thomas nodded, then sat up and stretched once the nurse left. "I'm going to get you some clothes."
He nodded and gave him his key, checking his phone as he waited. He sighed as he saw all of the missed calls and messages mainly from Alexander. He called him, knowing that would put him more at ease than just a text.
Alexander had been half asleep, but answered in record time. "Hello?"
"Hey... It's me.. I'm okay.."
"John... Thomas told me what happened last night. I'm so sorry.."
"I'm going to be okay, I promise. I hope you know I'm not mad at your or anything... I just don't really want to see anybody.." He didn't want to be coddled, made to feel like what happened broke him. It hurt, but John had easily been through worse. Thomas knew how he wanted to be treated, not in any way special, but like he had someone there if he changed his mind. Lafayette was too soft as to try not to treat him any differently and Alexander saw John as fragile, as he'd already made clear. And Hercules would no doubt treat him differently, too, seeing John as a younger sibling. Thomas was probably the only person who wouldn't since he understood what it was like not wanting to be treated differently, most people did just that when they learned just how rich his family was, and he understood that he wasn't the only one who felt that way.
When he came back, John changed into the outfit that he'd brought him, just a simple shirt and some sweatpants, then went with him back to his apartment. John immediately took a nap with Thomas, then got up and ordered some pizza a few hours later, neither of them feeling much like cooking. John ate most of it, though he made sure to leave enough for Thomas, then got up and pulled his shoes on, looking at Thomas.
“Want to come with me?”
He got up and grabbed his shoes before asking, "Where are we going?"
"I kind of just want to go to the gym.. Blow off some steam, work out a bit or something."
"That sounds good." While he’d gone out to get John some clothes, he'd also gone home and quickly changed into a tee shirt and shorts, ready to just relax for the whole day, so he was ready. He got up and went to the door with him, walking out behind him. "Where are you going?" he asked as he walked right past the car.
"I prefer to walk."
Thomas nodded and followed him down the street. John seemed independent on the outside, but they both knew that he needed Thomas following him and keeping an eye on him for a while. "So.. what did you say to the nurse about therapy?.." He knew it was a sensitive topic, but he wanted to see what John would see.
"I said I'd think about it, but I threw the brochure she gave me into the trash.."
"I get it.. Nobody's forcing you to do anything."
John nodded and flinched as he leaned against a light pole at a crosswalk, feeling the sharp sting of static. It normally didn't bother him, but he couldn't help it, not while he was thinking of that time only moments before.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah.. I'm alright." And this time, he was telling the truth. Of course, the memories still made him jump sometimes but it was nothing serious anymore. Not like the time when he burst into tears after someone offered him a stick of gum, only for it to shock him. That was so embarrassing...
"Alright." He kept following John until they got to the gym. As usual for the weekends, it was fairly empty, so the pair played some music as they sat in the weight room, not talking much because, frankly, they didn't have to. The few shared glances or song lyrics that they sang out loud was more than enough to know that they were both okay. Things weren't great, but it was a good start.
Once they were warmed up, they headed into the boxing ring at John's request and after his promise of not hurting Thomas. It was an interesting match up. Thomas wasn't too largely built to be fast nor was he too thin to be strong while John was thin and shorter, but strong for his size and with speed to match it.
But Thomas wasn't a boxer. John saw his moves from a mile away and it was only a few minutes before John won the match.
"Alright, you got me. As the runner up, I get to give your your prize."
John smiled and leaned up, letting Thomas give him a quick kiss. "And as the winner, I declare this day to be over. I'm ready to go home."
"So am I." Thomas smiled and followed him out, then walked back with him, getting a call from his mom as they walked. He tutted and answered. “Hello?”
"Thomas, where are you and Lucy?"
"Lucy's at a sleepover with her friends this weekend and I'm with my friends."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
He rolled his eyes, knowing just what to say to get out of this. "I did."
"You did?"
"Yeah."
"Oh. Well, have fun then."
He sighed as she hung up and put his phone back in his pocket. It'd been that way for years, probably ever since Lucy was born. No, even before that. Always, maybe. It was so easy for Thomas to get away with anything when no one paid attention. It was one of the reasons he'd fallen for John so fast. He did.
When they got to the apartment, they laid on John's couch with pizza that they'd picked up on the way and put on a movie, spending the day quietly.
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winetae · 6 years
Text
⇾ money shot (m)
↳ in a pornographic movie, refers to the sequence in which the male actor ejaculates onto his partner’s body.
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⇁ female reader x yoongi
⇁ smut || pornstar!au
⇁ dom!yoongi, submissive!reader, verbal humiliation, spanking, roleplay, rough sex, cum play, dirty talk, this is porn ok and everything is consensual
⇁10.9k pwp 
. . . 
“Don’t look so put off. Min Yoongi’s indisputably one of the best in the industry. He’s extremely professional and experienced—and handsome to boot. You’ll be in the very best hands. He rarely works with newbies, so consider yourself special.”
↳ or ; the author just really wanted to write a pornstar!au but got carried away;;
a/n; in no way is this story meant to depict the real life working conditions of adult film stars. contains inaccuracies ! + i couldn’t have written The smut scene w/o my #1 perv ilu
(!!) pls re-read the warnings !! may contain triggering content. roleplay includes portrayal of a not so ethical or appropriate relationship (teacher/student) and the verbal humiliation makes use of degrading names/slut shaming, so please don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable !! 
(!!) if your name is mj stay away from this fic !! also if ur jordan’s sister stop reading smut khkjh
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In front of you, a manila folder was slammed down onto the table's wooden surface, the sudden movement making your cup of coffee wobble dangerously. You cupped the drink between your cold hands, intent on not letting a drop of your 5.79 dollar purchase go to waste. Only once the liquid had stopped sloshing around did you bother to greet your agent with a cordial nod.
Dressed in an all black, pressed suit and with his hair combed back, he seemed ready to head off into a business meeting, not discuss your next adult film project over a cup of coffee. Choosing to skip over the small talk, he leaned forward on his elbows and waited for you to take the folder and peer into its contents.
You spared it a cursory glance, not expecting much from its uninteresting appearance. Still, you decided to humor him—after all, Seokjin wouldn’t have called you out to meet in person if it wasn’t urgent. Unless legal paperwork was involved, your usual means of communication with the self-proclaimed Important Man was limited to phone calls and e-mails.
“Your first big movie,” was what he said in lieu of greeting, a proud smile pulling at his lips. You relaxed somewhat. He looked visibly pleased with himself which could only mean good news for you. “Now, no need to thank me...but I did pull a few strings to land you this job.”
“Uh-oh.” You stared hard at him, trying to detect the underlying message behind his words. Knowing him, ‘pulling a few strings’ could mean anything from calling in a favor to giving the director a blowjob in the back of his car between shoots. He was that kind of agent.
Seokjin shrugged, choosing not to put your worries to rest. “I know the casting director well—we were in the same frat. We catch up from time to time and when he mentioned he was looking for a fresh face, I immediately recommended you. They reviewed your portfolio and really liked those test shots we took of you two weeks ago.”
Your mind drifted back to the two hour long photoshoot that had taken place in Seokjin’s friend’s villa. Judging by the way the place was decked out to look like a pimp crib, you were half convinced that it was owned by a seedy nightclub owner or something of the sort. You were probably not too far off from the truth but all talks of shady property owners aside, the house served as a spacious and luxurious backdrop for your swimwear shoot. The concept of the day was ‘slutty trophy wife’. No added photo filters or retouching had been needed to make your skin look perfectly slick and shiny; your body had been waxed smooth and slicked down with baby oil—your tiny bikini basically just an accessory.
At the time, you had grumbled and complained about the set-up, cursing the burnt-red color that had appeared on your skin after posing provocatively by the poolside in the blistering heat. Your skin had needed a week to recover from all of the consequent peeling and redness and you had been obliged to cancel some of your schedules. Some things just couldn’t be fixed with makeup... And no one would pay money to see a girl with a bright red, flaky nose giving head. But all of that trouble had been well worth it if the finished pictures had gotten you such a coveted job in the end.
He gestured to the file in your hands, “You’ll be working with Min Yoongi.”
“Eh? Min Yoongi?”
Certain you had misunderstood, there was no use concealing your incredulity. Min Yoongi’s name held so much power on its own—the mere mention of it was enough to have you straighten your back. Surely this had to be a joke of some kind, right? The entire thing was just so absurd; it felt too good to be true. Frankly speaking, Yoongi was way out of your league. You hadn’t even been in the industry for very long...yet someone deemed you fit enough to work with a big gun?
You eyed the corners of the quaint coffee shop with suspicion. You tried to spot any hidden cameras, fully expecting a crew from MTV to bust out from the shadows at any moment and unveil the prank.
Seokjin let out a sigh, disappointed by your lack of enthusiasm. “Don’t look so put off. This time, you—or rather I—struck gold. Min Yoongi’s indisputably one of the best in the industry. He’s extremely professional and experienced—and handsome to boot. You’ll be in the very best hands. He rarely works with newbies, so consider yourself special.”
“I’m not put off,” you were quick to defend. “I’m just... I’m having a hard time believing any of this is real right now. Can you blame me?”
“Well believe it. Why do you look so surprised? There’s a reason people would open their wallets to see you on film. You’re very photogenic, you look great on film. Lots of people have hot bodies and pretty faces, but not many give off the same energy as you.”  
You watched him plop in a third cube of sugar into his black coffee, not thinking much of his compliments. The thing about Seokjin was that he knew exactly what to say—the well-timed flattery basically second nature to him. At first, you couldn’t help but be charmed, however you soon came to realize that you were just one of the many people his sweet-talk had an effect on. Seokjin had absolutely no qualms using the same lines and buttery tone with anyone he met, and after seeing the way he operated, everything about him seemed too rehearsed and contrived to be genuine.
Seokjin waited until all the sweetness had dissolved into his drink before continuing, “You know that we always advise against filming anal and DP scenes right away for a reason. It's hard to make a living off of porn because people naturally tend to lose interest once they’ve seen everything you have to offer. Over time, talents tend to lose their shine. Being in the industry changes you. Doesn’t matter if they’re the best actor out there, the dead fish eyes will always give them away... It’s like they’re not really present during the scene, you know what I mean? If the performer is bored, so is their audience. If the audience is bored, no one will be willing to hire them anymore.” 
“Well isn’t that lovely,” you intoned drily, silently contemplating your own fate. How long would it take before you eventually became that jaded? What a bleak future to look forward to.
“I’m just being honest,” he raised his shoulders, his ever-present smile dimming a little. “It’s better to be honest about this. I don’t have any time to be spewing any inspirational bullshit. And you shouldn’t listen to anyone who tries to feed you that crap, either. You should always know what you’re signing up for.”
You supposed there was some merit to his words. Even if he was heavy-handed with his praises, he had never painted you an idyllic picture of the adult film industry. Before signing the contract with your agency, they had made sure that you had known exactly what you were putting on the line, what you were risking. You had never ventured into this world with false hopes; they had made it quite clear that if you didn’t make it big within the first few years, it would be hard to find your footing in an industry that was constantly on the lookout for new talents. Considering how the average span of a porn star’s career was less than three years, you understood the pressure to cement your name before your time was up. Building a solid fanbase was crucial if you wanted to survive as a porn star.
With this thought weighing on your conscious, you regretted not showing more gratitude to your agent... Without him, you probably would still be filming low quality videos that you tried to pass off as artsy. Seokjin had been a huge help in launching your career. He was basically fetching you deals left and right that no rookie without connections could ever get. In the past, you had been eager to seize these chances before they slipped away.
This time, however, you couldn’t shake off the mix of feelings that churned in the pit of your stomach as your eyes skimmed over Min Yoongi’s long list of impressive credentials and accolades. On the one hand, you were excited about being granted this huge opportunity right off the bat because being partnered with a renowned porn star meant that you got to ride off his fame. It meant getting more exposure, which was something you certainly wouldn’t refuse. (Only a fool would turn this offer down!)
On paper, it wasn’t that all different from any of your previous jobs—show up, get your makeup done, take your clothes off, get fucked, maybe fake an orgasm or two. Yet, for some ridiculous reason, you couldn’t help but feel strangely inadequate for the job. Nervousness crept up your spine the longer you let your gaze sweep over his lengthy résumé. Shooting with someone with this kind of reputation also meant that if you fucked up, everyone else would know about it the next day. The industry was a lot smaller than it appeared to be from the outside. One mishap could have you spending the rest of your career trying to erase the label you had inadvertently earned on set.
It wasn’t that you lacked confidence in your skills. You gave a mean blowjob and your pussy was nice to look at. Because your body was your bread and butter, you dieted and worked out daily in order to ensure you stayed in the best shape.   Maybe it was vain of you to proclaim, but you looked good on camera, especially with your clothes off. And it wasn’t like you lacked any experience, either. You had filmed your fair share of pornography, so you knew you were able to keep the public interested, if the rising views during the weekly cam sessions were any indication of your popularity. But the stakes wouldn’t be the same this time and that was what scared you.
Perhaps Seokjin sensed your distress because he offered you an encouraging smile, his whitened teeth on display. “You’ll do great. If I didn’t think you would make it big, I wouldn’t waste my time on you. I always put my eggs in the right basket so I’m confident that this will go well. This isn’t going to be some seedy shoot filmed on a three hundred dollar budget. They’re pulling out all the stops for this one... The director is hoping this will win him another AVN award this year but we’ll see. Don’t mention it if you see him, by the way. He’s a bit sensitive and it’s best not to step on his toes too much.”
All you could do was nod, distracted by other, more worrying thoughts. Were you ready to actually go through with this? Would you be able to do a good job? What if you somehow messed up? You stopped yourself from continuing this line of thought. That would be counter-productive. It really wasn’t like you to doubt yourself this much but the minute your agent had dropped Min Yoongi’s name, you had been putting everything into question.
Seokjin held your gaze, his eyebrow raised expectantly as he waited for your inner ramblings to cease.
“Now, if you could just review the terms of the contract before signing and we’ll be all set.”
You stared at the dotted line, pen in hand. Seokjin hadn’t hired a fool. It didn’t take very long to finish signing all the legal paperwork.
Despite your initial fretting, you were excited to finally be part of something so big. The production cost for this movie was noticeably more significant than any of your past works put together. That meant better filming equipment, better filming locations, better actors. The more you thought about it, the more convinced you were that this would be your breakthrough role. This movie could potentially change your life and help you make a name for yourself.
It became all the more apparent that your key to success would be working with Min Yoongi.
Before this, you had only heard about him in passing—his name one you had overheard whispered by the gossiping hair and makeup staff, one that you saw plastered on the covers of glossy magazines and online news articles. You had seen printouts of his face on the front of a handful of film posters that lined up the walls of your agency’s building. He was someone you knew of, someone you knew about, but you had never experienced this burning curiosity to know about him before today.
With so much at stake, you decided to do your homework. You did your research, watching his interviews on YouTube and searching his name up on various web portals. Through the pieces of information you had gathered by watching his interviews, he seemed like a calm, collected man—completely different from the image you initially had of him. His cockiness wasn’t showcased through self-praises and obvious boasting; but rather by the way he coolly and confidently answered the blunt questions hurled at him from prejudiced interviewers. Never had he flinched or faltered; never had he let anyone intimidate him with twisted questions intended to cause controversy.
It was his cold, no-nonsense kind of behavior which led you to wonder: what sort of person was he like to work with? Without the firsthand experience, the only way you could find out was by personally purchasing a movie he starred in. Which you did—for research purposes only, of course. There was no shame in wondering what your partner looked like in action or how he worked once the camera started rolling, right?
Watching his movie meant that you were taking your job seriously, you reasoned  Seokjin had assured you over and over again that you would be in good hands, but what weight did his words have when he wasn’t the one getting spanked in front of a filming crew? You just wanted to know what sex with this man would be like. What was it exactly that you had to look forward to?
You set up your laptop and made sure everything was plugged in properly (the last thing you wanted was for your computer screen to black out during the good bits). Pillows propped behind you, you wriggled around beneath your fleece blanket until you found a comfortable position.
The movie you had picked out was supposed to be on the tamer side of his porn filmography. You had selected it in the hope that it would ease you into things. It was a typical let's-fuck-the-babysitter scenario so you didn't really expect much. Scenarios like these were predictable because they had been done so many times before. How much would you be willing to bet that it followed the cunnilingus+sex on the couch+blowjob formula? But with how popular he was, you didn’t really know what to expect anymore... What made him so different from the rest? A part of you was worried he had a monster dick or something equally impossible to recover from. Guys with huge dicks always made it difficult to keep up your filming schedule and a good fuck was never worth that setback.
Laptop nestled in your lap, you pressed play. The screen of your laptop lit up, signaling the start of the movie, and you held your breath as you finally got to see what all the fuss was about.
The first thing you were immediately struck by was how incredibly handsome he was. Even though his female partner was no less attractive, your eyes couldn’t help but stay glued on him. You could tell just by the way he carried himself and the way he spoke that he was very confident and self-assured. He never looked away from his partner, his lids heavy and eyes dark with the promise of more to come. You couldn't look away; his simple presence demanded you pay him attention.
The more you watched, the more you understood why people when wild for him; his charisma coupled with his experience had evidently made his career long-lasting and successful. Surprisingly, any line he delivered sounded convincing. He made a cheesy, over-the-top porn script sound hot. How the hell? You put the volume up, your earphones picking up the slightest noise—every rustle of the sheets, every sigh of pleasure from the girl, and every slick and obscene noise coming from her pussy as Yoongi thrust into her were loud enough for you to believe you were there as it happened.
You weren’t exactly sure when, but your eyes had fallen closed somewhere along the way. The audio in your ears helped fuel the lewd scenarios you conjured up in your mind; it wasn’t hard to imagine yourself in the place of his female counterpart, Yoongi working his hips against yours, his heavy breathing tickling your ears as you moaned out his name. Sliding your hand beneath the waistband of your panties, you were barely surprised to find yourself already damp with arousal. You carefully circled a finger around your entrance, coating the digit with your fluids until it was lubricated enough to slip in.
Quickly, you built up a steady rhythm. Your finger tried to mimic the pace he had set—each thrust inside your wet pussy a weak imitation of what his hardened length would feel like inside of you. One finger wasn't nearly enough to satisfy the growing need that pulsed between your legs. You eased in a second digit next to the first, feeling your walls stretch to accommodate the newest intrusion. Breathing out a sigh, you kicked your head back as you worked yourself to a frenzy, letting the loud sounds flowing through your earbuds lull you into a trance.
“Such a good pussy.” The wet, squelching noises almost drowned out his groan of appreciation. You mewled in response and spread your legs wider as if to urge him deeper, but it was no use. Your fingers couldn’t bring you the same satisfaction that his thick cock would. Squeezing in a third finger, you tried to imagine him working his hips against yours, his lean body sticky with sweat as he filled you up to the brim with every thrust. “Hear that? You take my cock so well, baby.”
"So fucking—tight." He growled out, the primal sound loud in your ears. Lust coursed through your veins and you could feel it burn, melting away any of your inhibitions. Sucked deep in your fantasy, you could vividly picture his pink lips curling into a smirk as he watched you slowly start to unravel before him.
Tears stung your eyes. You arched your back, hips rutting against your hand, as you tried to alleviate the burning ache within you. Your fingers twisted around, rubbing your walls, searching for that sensitive spot inside of you. But your efforts were futile—from the angle you were sitting in, your fingers couldn’t quite reach it, no matter how much you tried. Forehead shiny with perspiration, you keened in frustration, too wound up to continue. You wanted to cum so badly that it hurt. Desperately horny, you changed your course action, circling at your swollen clit instead with renewed determination.
The first slide against your nub was electrifying and your entire body shuddered, overcome with pleasure. The obscene sounds from the video blended in with your own soundtrack. Breathless and dizzy with want, you failed to register that the moans spilling from your mouth were echoes of Yoongi’s name. Your pleas for release grew louder as the fire inside your lower belly erupted into an inferno. 
"I can feel you around me, fuck, you gonna cum soon, baby? Yeah? Gonna cum all over my cock?" Yoongi whispered harshly into the crook of your ear, his heavy breathing sending shivers down your back. “Fucking cum.”
His name on your lips, you threw your head back as the band inside you snapped, your body his to command. Trembling all over from the force of your orgasm, you clenched your eyes closed as you tried to prolong your trance. If you imagined hard enough, you could feel his hot breath fan your skin, his fingers bruise your hips as he kept you still. 
Yoongi’s voice echoed inside of your head long after the aftershocks of your orgasm had waned, haunting and promising all at once.
.
.
It took another useless glance at the clock to confirm that you were early. You were filming the second sex scene today. The first scene had been filmed already and you hadn’t run into any complications. Your male co-star’s dirty talk could have been better, but his handsome face and skilled tongue had made up for it. You could still remember the delicious stretch of his long fingers inside of you, and how his deep baritone voice growled in your ear as he fucked you pressed up against a window. Off camera, he had been nice and easy-going, cracking the occasional joke between takes.
With how great things had turned out yesterday, you were anticipating today’s scene almost as much as your character was. Today you were filming the scene with Min Yoongi—the grand finale, the climax of all climaxes. The Big Nut. Makeup and hair done, you had already filmed your intro video and were now killing time before the actual shoot began.
Better early than late, you tried to console yourself. Waiting around like this made you jittery; the amount of caffeine pumping through your veins filled you with a burst of energy you found hard to keep under control. It wasn’t even noon and your daily dose of coffee had already been exceeded. You bounced your leg up and down, the constant fidgeting giving away how nervous you really were.
You tried to distract yourself by reading over the film script, ignoring how your fingers trembled slightly like a chronic smoker who hadn’t gotten their fix.
The movie was scheduled to run for one hour or so, with two sex scenes filmed in two different locations with different actors. The scenario was your cliché go-to porn plot in which you would be playing the role of a naughty student who gets caught fucking someone after school hours by her teacher. Punishment ensues. You fuck your feelings out. The end.
Well, that was definitely something you could handle, you thought to yourself as you leafed through the script. Although there had been more lines to memorize than you were used to, you had confidently assured your agent that you would be able to do it. You were glad that your two years hanging out in the theater club back in high school wouldn’t be for nothing... It was a shame that you could only showcase your acting skills in a porn movie because you knew a lot of people would skip over the plot and jump straight to the filth. During the last few days, the mediocre porn dialogue had become your bible, your bedside book that you read religiously before going to sleep. You had read it over so often, you were confident that you could recite every line in your sleep.
A polite cough interrupted your pre-show pep talk.
You looked up, not expecting to meet Min Yoongi’s gaze. Blinking, you took in his features, not realizing that you were blatantly staring. Who could blame you, though? There was something so virile about Yoongi that had you doing a double take. He exuded masculinity with every step he took towards you. Something inside you clenched. 
“____?” He called your name, gaze flicking over your features in turn. He took a seat opposite of you and holding out a hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Likewise,” you smiled as sweetly as you could. His grip was strong and secure, his touch cold. 
“Hm.” He let out a noncommittal sound while he perused a file on his lap. You recognized the papers Seokjin had typed up beforehand, your name headlining one of them, but your attention was quickly diverted.
Your eyes were instantly drawn to his long and elegant looking fingers, the veins in his hands prominent whenever he flipped a page over absentmindedly. It was strange seeing them in person... Just the other night, you had been salivating over the thought of them inside you, thrusting and curling with expert precision and unwavering focus, every movement intended to coax a moan of pleasure from your lips. You had seen how lethal they could be through the screen of your laptop... Now you were going to be experiencing those skills firsthand. The thought sent a rush of excitement through your body.
“I’ve taken note of your hard limits.” His smooth baritone tone snapped you back to attention. “The scene doesn’t require we go that far anyway, but just in case you get too uncomfortable with anything, your safe word is ‘cobbler’, correct?”
“Yes.” You gave a short nod, your neck stiff as you tried not to break eye contact. 
“Have you read through my form?”
“I have, Mr. Min.”
A snort escaped him then, his lips curling into the kind of smile that bordered on a smirk. “No need to be so formal. You can call me by my name outside of a scene.”
“Yoongi, then.” Your hands felt clammy all of a sudden and you wiped your palms on your skirt, hoping that he wouldn’t notice your incessant fidgeting. The glint in his eyes indicated that you weren’t nearly as successful in masking your nervousness as you would have liked. You didn’t even know why you felt so antsy. This wasn’t your first time meeting an attractive porn star. Yesterday’s shoot with Taehyung had gone without a hitch. So why were you getting so worked up now? You weren’t eighteen and impressionable anymore.
His gaze swept over your body, interrupting your line of thought. You felt it brush over your delicate throat, your supple curves, your bare legs. The scrutiny made the surface of your skin heat up, your legs clench together. 
“Ah, I’m looking forward to working with you.” A ghost of a smirk crossed his features. For a moment, you believed it to be a product of your imagination, but he shot you a wink as he got up to his feet, the action suggestive enough to have you swallow thickly. 
.
.
In retrospect, maybe it was a good thing you were nervous—it made your acting a lot more believable. You wrung your hands together, head bowed in a show of contrition.
"While Mr. Jung and I don't see eye to eye on a number of subjects, some of his methods of punishment have been very enlightening—albeit a tad primitive.” He regarded you with detached interest, his eyes sweeping over your figure. His impassive stare made you fidget in your seat, the scratchy material of your skirt rubbing against your thighs. “I could just let you off with a detention slip, but students like you need to be put back in their place."
Yoongi was so good at this, his tone convincing enough to have you believe in his words. For a moment, you let yourself pretend that all of this was real—that you had really acted up when you weren’t supposed to and that he was now going to punish you for your misbehavior. It was so easy to slip into your role when he appeared so serious and forbidding.
"Bend over."
He punctuated his command by tapping his ruler against his wooden desk, his tongue clucking in a show of impatience when you refused to move. You licked your dry lips, silently wishing you could have a glass of cool water to quench your sudden thirst.
"A-are you serious?" you croaked, finally remembering the lines you had memorized.
"I assure you, I am not the type to joke around."
With his arms crossed, he looked every bit like the imposing figure he was playing as. Gulping audibly, you slowly gathered to your feet. You kept your gaze trained on the polished floorboards, making sure to avoid his probing stare.
"I find that corporal punishment works wonders on troublesome students like yourself. Writing lines for an hour hardly has the same impact." Above you, his low chuckle could be heard. Goosebumps raised to attention as your eyes fluttered to a close.
“Skirt up. Let me see that ass.”
“S-sir.”
“You had no qualms flashing me your filthy cunt the other day. Up, now.”
You hurried to obey, his stern tone jolting you into action. Your fingers reached behind you, hiking the material of the skirt high enough so that your skin was exposed to the cool air. Behind you, Yoongi patted your cheek in mock praise before deftly fitting the hem of your skirt into the band of your waistline so as to keep the fabric in place.
Not expecting him to kick your feet wider apart, you barely managed to stifle your yelp of surprise. You attempted to anchor yourself by clutching the sides of the desk, your legs now stretched too widely apart to be considered decent behavior. The position you were in was humiliating, intended to make you feel vulnerable and exposed.
“Good.”
The single word had your pulse race. His praise felt like a physical caress, and you closed you eyes to let the feeling wash over you.
“Now tell me.” Yoongi’s voice was now deceptively smooth and you knew right away that he was toying with you. “How many misdemeanors was that in one night, hmm?”
You blinked, suddenly remembering that you were supposed to be portraying a misbehaving student. Cursing your lack of focus, your mouth opened as you tried to recall the script. When you took too long to answer, Yoongi went on with the scene, sidestepping your blunder.
“Too many,” he supplied with a sigh, sounding disappointed; whether it was with you for forgetting your lines or with your character, you weren’t sure. Either way, the remorseful look on your face wasn’t extremely hard to fake. You felt nervous again, wondering how well you would be able to perform today.
With an easy yank, your panties fell to the ground, leaving you even more indecently exposed than before. As Yoongi crouched down to peel them off of your body completely, any worries you might have had didn’t seem of much importance anymore. What mattered was the touch of his fingers on the backs of your thighs—cold against your burning skin.
"I wish you could see yourself right now." He mocked, voice laced with something akin to smugness. You felt his hot breath tickle the insides of your knee, the sensation almost enough to make them buckle. "Skirt up, legs spread wide open... So wet and ready for a nice cock between your thighs, isn’t that right?”
The bright lights from overhead spotlighted the acute shame and arousal that raged within you. Both coalesced into one intense emotion that reduced you to a big puddle of desire. You weren't sure if it was his husky tone or the shocking amount of filth that spewed from his lips, but you felt the coil in your stomach tighten with each word leaking into your ear. Your heart raced wildly in your chest, your hands hanging uselessly by your head. His words made you want to hide your face behind your arms, but you knew that wasn’t an option—not when a camera was intent on capturing every shift of your expression.
Your lack of response didn’t seem to deter him for he continued on, merciless with his interrogation.
“Is this turning you on? Do you like being reminded how desperate you are to be stuffed full?"
Every question left you short of breath—you felt each of them like physical thrusts that made the crux of your thighs ache with a need to be filled up. A heavy haze muddled your thoughts. All you could focus on was the throbbing in your core; all you could here was his voice crooning obscenities in the crook of your ear.
"I can see your tight hole clench.” Yoongi let out a disbelieving laugh, the derisive sound making your cheeks bloom pink with embarrassment.
The flush that adorned your cheeks only darkened further when you realized the camera probably had a perfect, unobstructed view of your sopping center. You could only imagine what the sight would look like on screen—your inner thighs glistening from your slick, your lower lips slightly swollen and flushed pink from your obvious arousal. With the way you were bent over the desk, presenting yourself willingly to his hungry stare, you had no doubts that you looked like an expensive dessert ready to be devoured.
"Y-Yoongi, please..." Eyes glassy, you felt yourself clench again as you imagined his dark eyes drinking in the sight of you bent over, wet and ready for him.
"Don't talk to me so informally," he scolded, pinching the inside of your thigh as punishment. A yelp escaped your parted lips—not because it was painful but because you felt a sting of pleasure zap straight to your bundle of nerves like an electric shock. “Address me properly.”
It was easy to give in if it meant you would get what you wanted. “Y-yes, sir.”
“Now, let’s start this again.” Holding your breath in anticipation for what was to come, you struggled to stay still in the position he wanted even though your knees ached. How long were you expected to stay like this? It probably hadn’t been very long, maybe five minutes at the most, but you could already feel the muscles in your thighs straining. “When I ask you a question, I expect a verbal response, understood?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good girl.” Thankfully your voice was stable this time. He patted one of your exposed cheeks in praise, the little slap enough to have you wanting more.
Your legs were so spread out that you didn’t notice you were making a mess on the floor until Yoongi brought attention to the drops that spotted the wood, "I'm not even touching you and you're making a mess. What? Pretty boy Kim Taehyung fail to get you off?"
"Maybe he would have if you hadn't interrupted," you bit out, true to the script. Frustration seeped into your every word, but it was more directed at yourself for getting so aroused by his words and actions. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt so affected; usually you had to play it up a lot more for the cameras but this time you barely registered the filming crew that stood a few feet away.
"I don't need to touch your dirty cunt for you to cum," he huffed. Although you couldn’t see his expression, you could picture his stare hardening and his lips thinning into a straight line. "You’re soiling my office right now and all it took was for you to offer your pussy to me. You’re proving to be quite the slut tonight. I think I’ll leave you like this, legs open, empty and aching for cock, as your punishment.”
"Wait—no, please!” The desperation in your voice was alarmingly real. You could feel your eyes well with tears of frustration because the prospect of being denied release was simply too cruel to fathom. You didn’t know how long you would be able to endure having nothing filling you up. In every one of your past films, the scene had always had minimal foreplay and little to no plot. Normally at the 5 minute mark, you would have already swallowed his dick down your throat... You weren’t used to having this drag on for so long. Never before had you felt this engaged while shooting a porn scene. 
"I don't want you to beg. I want you to apologize—no, to grovel."
Shameless, you whimpered, “I'm sorry. I'm so—please, I'm sorry.”
His hand crashed down on your burning skin with a resounding smack. The unexpected force behind the swat ripped a cry from your throat, the sound raw and primal. Your eyes watered as you panted, breath cut short when he brought his hand down on the opposite cheek.
"And what exactly are you sorry for, slut?"
The hands soothing over the sting contrasted with the unforgiving edge in his voice. You suddenly remembered what Seokjin had said, that you were in capable hands. You believed these words, trusting Yoongi to make the right decisions.
"I'm sorry for sneaking out past curfew."
"What else?"
"I'm sorry for... Sorry for behaving indecently with Taehyung."
"Not specific enough," he chided, his rebuke underscored by a harsh slapping noise. 
"I'm sorry! Please, ah, I'm sorry we were kissing. Sorry for letting him—nhh—touch me." With every new admission, he delivered a firm spank to your reddening cheeks. The blows weren’t hard enough to really hurt, but the repeated swats onto your sensitive skin would probably leave a blooming bruise. You couldn’t wait to see the visible reminder of your punishment, the red mark from his hand his personal brand of ownership.
"And where did he dare touch you?" Yoongi’s lips curled into a scowl, his voice low and dangerous.
"My breasts. B-but only over my vest," you were quick to add after sensing Yoongi's form tense over you. "And my—my thighs..." You were desperately trying to remember the lines of the script you had practiced so hard to memorize, but the exact wording kept escaping you with every firm swat of his hand against the globes of your ass.
Yoongi's deafening silence urged you to finish your confession. He rubbed circles over your stinging skin with the palms of his hands, squeezing the soft flesh between his fingers as he waited for you to resume talking. 
Taking a shuddering breath, you obliged him, "He—he filled my pussy up with his f-fingers..."
"Did he? And did you enjoy that? Did you like having his long fingers fuck your greedy hole?" He reached down and delved a hand between your legs as he spoke. With a skilled index finger, he ran it across your wet lips tentatively to gauge how ready you were for him. Pausing at your entrance, he swirled his finger around, coating it in your copious amount of arousal. Just one finger was not nearly close enough to the friction you craved. You bucked your hips in response, silently beckoning him for more, as if that would somehow convince him to put an end to the teasing. 
Immediately, he chastised you by smacking your sopping wet center. Arching your back, you felt all the air leave your lungs with a drawn out whimper. Echoes of pleasure vibrated throughout your body, from your head to your very toes. Your clit throbbed, swollen with arousal. The tingling sensations made your inner walls clamp down and you found yourself wishing not for the first time for his cock to fill you up. 
“Answer me.” Yoongi hissed between his teeth—a warning you didn’t dare ignore.
"Y-yes, yes, I did," you finally responded after struggling to remember the initial question. 
"Is that all? Was that all he put inside of you?”
“No.” With a swipe of your tongue, you licked your dry lips. 
“No?”
The one word question was enough to know that he wasn’t going to let it go until you elaborated your answer. You squirmed in his hold, your heart pounding as you finally admitted what he wanted to know. “He put his cock in-inside me.”
“You let him fuck you?” The incredulity that colored his tone sounded so genuine you almost believed his act. You shuddered. “I should’ve known a dirty little slut like you wouldn’t be able to keep her legs shut.”
“I’m sorry, sir. Please, p-please fu—” You gulped, your throat dry.
“Speak up, girl!” He snapped, slapping the palm of his hand over your slick center. As soon as his fingers hit your clit, you felt your back arching and your sensitive nipples rub up against the hard, wooden surface of the desk. The searing pain hit all of your nerve endings, effectively rendering you speechless. Meanwhile, your hips futilely chased after his punishing touch, hoping to finally get the satisfaction you were craving for. "Tell me, do you like getting humiliated? I'm trying to punish you but you seem to be enjoying this far too much. I thought that a girl like you would need a firm hand to get her act together, but I think that you need more than that, don’t you?"
"Answer me.” Yoongi punctuated his command with another smack to your lower lips, the sudden blow leaving you dizzy and bereft of coherency.
"Yes—ah fuck, sir please!" Gasping, the feeling of the harsh sting shot straight to your swollen, sensitive bundle of nerves like an electric shock. For a short second, your mind felt blissfully blank as the zap of pleasure traveled through your entire body from one extremity to another. "Please touch me, I need to come!"
"I can see that.” He laughed, spreading out your cheeks out so he could have a better look at the proof of your shame. “Your hole keeps clenching, asking for fingers...or perhaps it needs a nice, thick cock? Hm?"
A whimper left your lips before you could think of subduing it. The thought of finally having him buried deep inside of you was nearly too much to bear. From the way you were bent over and spread wide open, you were basically offering yourself to him. All he had to do was take what was his.
“Please fuck me now,” you moaned, hoping that he would douse the fire between your legs. The need for friction was so unbearable you thought that you would burst at the seams. You tried to undulate your hips in a silent plea for more but his left hand kept you pinned down and immobile to the table.
"I thought as much. What makes you think you deserve mine? Do you honestly think you deserve this cock?” As if to tease you even further, he pressed himself against your exposed backside. Your entire body shuddered as it felt the prominent outline of his erect length through the material of his pants. Even through the layers of fabric, you could tell that he was well endowed. Images of him on screen, feeding his cock to his partner as she begged him to fuck her throat, flashed through your mind. Your mouth watered at the prospect of finally having him in the way that you so desired.
“Please, sir.”
Your mouth was so dry that your plea could barely be heard over the thundering of your heart. Somehow, he had understood your dire need, for he spoke, “Little whores like you should know how to beg for a fucking properly.” His voice was full of disappointment as he stepped away from you. Panicking from the loss of proximity, you hurried to placate him.
“Sir! Please fuck my dirty pussy. Fuck Taehyung’s cum out of my pussy. Please, sir, I’m your slut, only yours, please make your slut cum.”
Your watery plea was met with tense silence, and it was then that you realized that you had said the wrong thing. 
“Up,” he ordered, finally breaking the stifling stillness.
Your reactions were somewhat delayed, dizziness dulling your senses and slowing you down. Still feeling unstable, you gripped the edge of the desk, your knuckles turning white. Blood rushed to your head and you had to wait for a few seconds before the spots of light that danced in your vision faded away.
"Naughty sluts don't wear clothes, do they?"
Even though it was clearly a rhetorical question, you replied anyway, head bowed in shame, "No, sir."
Without waiting for his verbal command, you began to strip yourself of the cheap, white blouse. Subconsciously, you made sure to face one of the cameras as you slowly undid the buttons of your top one by one. Normally, you would be acutely aware of how everyone's attention was focused on you, but the only thing you could focus on this time was Yoongi's predatory stare. It was the minute changes in his expression that gave him away—his pupils were blown wide with lust, his nostrils flaring slightly as he drank the sight of you in—and, of course, the bulge in his slacks that he didn't bother to hide.
Next came the skirt. It hadn't been covering much to begin with, but with the way it was bunched up useless at your hips, you didn't feel any more exposed than you previously did once it came off.
Left in only your lacy bra, you played coy, your fingers just barely keeping the flimsy material held up. This part of the scene hadn't been explicitly discussed beforehand, but many things had deviated from the original script. And since nobody had interrupted the two of you yet, you figured that you were allowed to take a few liberties. Instead of feeling confused and lost from the unpredictability of the events, a strange feeling of excitement surged through you. It didn't feel like you were going through practiced motions; you felt wholly engaged in the present. You only had a vague idea of where this was headed and the element of surprise kept you on your toes.
Yoongi, ever in character, was not amused by your games. He clucked his tongue and narrowed his eyes in warning. Tilting his head as if silently asking you 'do you really want to play this game?’ you finally cowered. Your hands fell to your side along with your last material scrap of decency. There was not a single thread to cover you any longer—Yoongi was free to scrutinize every inch of exposed skin without a barrier to block his view. By slipping off your last item of clothing, you had bent yourself to his will and surrendered your body to him.
“On the desk, on your hands and knees. Ass up and hold yourself open for me.”
You scrambled to comply, not wanting to test his patience. Maybe if this was another day, in another place...but here, right now, you felt yourself follow his lead as if your body was on automatic. 
The position was somehow even more degrading than the previous one. From this angle, Yoongi now had a better view of your drenched pussy. And by holding yourself open for him, you felt like a willing participant to your own humiliation. Perched on all fours atop the piece of furniture, you felt like just another object of decoration—your sole purpose to be used or admired as pleased. 
You felt terribly exposed, but there was no denying the resulting spike of arousal in your stomach. But just as quickly as the burst of desire spiked, it disappeared, leaving you even more sexually frustrated than before.  
"CUT!" the director yelled from somewhere behind you. The sudden reminder that you weren't alone, that this wasn't real, made you flinch. It felt like someone had yanked you straight back to reality without forewarning and you were left confused and disoriented, stuck between the truth and fantasy. "Good, you guys are doing good. Let's take a short break. We need to fix the lighting.”
Film breaks weren’t uncommon but you had been so immersed in the scene that you were slow to react. "Fix her makeup before we prep for the second part," came the second set of instructions. 
Truthfully, you weren't paying attention; too busy steadying your racing heart. A young woman came forward and blotted the sweat at your hairline with a tissue before reapplying a layer of gloss on your lips and retouching your eyeliner. You barely registered her actions, not focused on your surroundings in the least.
"We're going to stick the bulb inside of you now, okay?"
It took several moments for you to understand that they were talking to you. As the words finally registered, you nodded your agreement.
The strange, artificial mixture felt cold inside of your walls. It was probably the usual stuff they used when they shot creampies, you thought distantly, not caring. Every squirt inside of you made your hips twitch in reaction although there was nothing sexy about this; the clinical approach dampened your arousal and gave you time to clear your mind. Your eyebrows knitted together as you patiently waited for the faux semen to fill you up. They made sure not to shoot it deep inside, so you felt it slowly start to ooze out as soon as the assistant stepped away from you. 
"Yoongi, we'll restart from your last line, ‘ass up and hold yourself open for me’, got it? Everyone ready? Scene 2, take 2, aand action!"
Silence fell upon the watching crew members. This way, it was easy to erase their presence and give your attention to Yoongi. 
"Hold yourself open for me." Softly, he whispered, his voice smooth like liquid silk.
You reached behind you, fingers gripping your now sore skin, and held yourself open so that he could inspect your pussy. His hot breath fanned over your backside, and it took all of your strength not to squirm away from his proximity.
"Look how easy you are. Head down, ass up like a bitch in heat."  Every word had you spiraling deeper into submission. You whimpered, low in your throat, the degrading words making you throb, "I bet Taehyung had no trouble at all sliding in this greedy cunt. You probably asked for it, didn't you? Can't live without something filling this hole up."
"Silly slut," he pinched your throbbing clit, ripping a pained yelp from your throat. "Your pussy is mine. Only I get to cum inside. You take my cum, and only when I think you're worthy enough for my seed."
The thought of belonging to him, of having him use you like his own personal plaything, made your body quiver with desire. More than anything, you wanted him to fuck you good, to take what belonged to him. In that moment, you were his. His voice controlled you, his hands disciplined you, his cock would reward you. Every inch of your pleasure belonged to him.
Your mouth watered—a burning thirst raging inside of you. You were more than convinced you would be willing to do anything to douse the ache that ate away at the remaining bits of your sanity. "I only want your cock, sir. No one gives it to me like you, I can only cum with your cum inside of me."
"Get your fingers nice and wet, slut. Get yourself clean and ready for me."
The slippery fluid inside of you felt no different than cold lube. As your fingers pumped in and out of your tight hole, the mixture spilled out of you, staining the insides of your thighs with opaque white. The mess you were making was of little importance—all of your senses were focused instead on your burgeoning orgasm. Yoongi had already wound you up so tightly that you felt the coil inside of you ready to snap at a moment's notice. 
Suddenly you remembered that Yoongi was watching your performance with hawk eyes. Afraid of the consequences you would have to face if you came without permission, you slowed down your movements, hoping he would allow you at least this. 
But no such mercy came. The sharp sting on the side of your right cheek made you lurch forward, your knees sliding against the sleek and polished surface. Yoongi's hands were instantly by your hips, grounding you in place. His strong grip made your worries ebb away; you trusted him to keep you from toppling over onto the ground. 
The stark contrast between Yoongi’s reassuring touch and the hard edge in his tone was startling. "Is all of his cum out yet? No? Then get back to work," he snapped out his command, his hands now spreading your cheeks wide open so that he and the camera could have a perfect view of your messy pussy. “Look how fucking filthy you are, it’s leaking all over. Just how much cock did you take for it to make so much of a mess?”
You could feel your skin heating up again, his lewd commentary setting you aflame with renewed desire. Your fingers worked the cum-colored lube out of your core, every loud squelch picked up by the cameras. Mouth parted; whine after whine escaped from your lips. Your need for release was becoming more unbearable by the second, and you were reaching that point where the consequences of your actions started to matter little.
“Little slut wants to cum?” The mocking lilt in Yoongi’s voice told you he wasn’t going to let you have it easy. Your head lolled forward, resigning yourself to more of what he had in store for you. “You won’t, and want to know why?”
He wound his fingers through your tresses, before yanking hard. Your scalp burned and you had no choice but to tilt your head back and meet his steely stare. From above, he exuded dominance and authority; his icy expression and firm grip in your hair challenging you to not break eye contact. 
“No, sir,” you rasped, finding it hard to form the words with the way your head was bent backwards. 
“You won’t because dirty whores can only cum with a fat cock inside of them, isn’t that right?” He spat, his features twisting almost as if he was disgusted with you. 
But you knew that was far from the truth. After all, you weren’t blind to the way his pupils were dilated—only a thin circle of brown was left, the hunger in his eyes having eclipsed the rest. His nostrils flared when you mewled in response to the humiliation—another visible sign of his arousal. You knew he wanted you, but the problem was that he, unlike you, had perfect control over his desire. 
Try as you might, it was impossible to taper the need pulsing between your thighs. You craved it as much as the air you breathed. 
“I can only cum if I have you inside me,” you sobbed, giving in completely. Any reservations were gone; you knew you would do anything to please this man. Hand still buried in your cunt, you begged, “My pleasure is yours, sir. I’m want—only want your thick cock inside of me, please take what’s yours. I’m yours, just yours. I’m a dirty slut, please u—use me.”
Shivers wracked through your frame when you heard him slide down his zipper. All of your senses were trained on him, your body reacting to even the slightest rustle of clothes. 
“Good slut.” The silken croon made its way to your ears and you closed your eyes, letting the praise wash over you. “Let me see if your cunt’s ready for me.” When Yoongi easily replaced your fingers with his own, you instantly felt the stretch. He crooked his digits inside of you, listening to your needy whimpers with relish. Two fingers quickly became three, the force of his thrusts never slowing down. 
“I’m going to fuck you from behind, slut. But that’s how you like it, don’t you?” You sniffled, not trying to refute the claim. To be taken from behind like some animal in heat, forced to submit to the brunt of his passion... When he phrased it like that, it sounded so humiliating, so degrading. Here you were, bent and kneeling on a desk, your naked ass perked up for his viewing pleasure, just like the common slut he was accusing you of being. “Like a good little bitch.”
You didn’t deny his accusations because you knew it to be true. Your breasts only got this sensitive if you were ovulating or if you were really turned on. And there was no use denying the former, not with the way your cunt was shiny and drenched with your own fluids. 
“Bend over the desk properly if you want to get fucked.” 
Never before had you completed a task with so much enthusiasm. You stretched your limbs out, your feet finding purchase on the ground while your hands gripped the edge of the desk. Excitement pooled in your gut; you had never felt so eager for a fucking before. You were unsure how much time had passed since the start of the shoot, but it somehow felt like lifetimes ago. You had been ready for his cock half a century ago.
It seemed like Yoongi was done dawdling around as well. He eased the tip of his cock inside of you. There was so much of your slick and lube, that it took two, three tries before successfully pushing in. You let out a shaky breath, body shuddering. Above you, Yoongi let out a grunt, his hands kneading your reddened flesh between his fingers. He kept you open for him, his attention fixed on the way your warm walls gripped his head snugly, eager to be fed more. Unable to form coherent words, you clenched around him, attempting to draw him in deeper. 
“A perfect plaything, letting me use her up however I want.” His words cut off into a growl as he bottomed out, his balls slapping against you. Your eyes watered, the girth of his hardened shaft stretching you out deliciously. Sweat beaded at your brow as you struggled to stay still for him, wanting him to use you as he pleased. 
Yoongi started up an easy rhythm, each of his thrusts making you slide across the surface of the desk. You felt stimulated from all over—you stiff nipples rubbed against the polished wood while his cock worked its way inside of you. Expletives intermingled with the occasional praise; and his grunts of satisfaction coaxed out your moans of pleasure. 
“Tell me, can Taehyung fuck you this good?” 
Distantly, you recognized this as a line from the script and your body reacted as if on auto-pilot. “No one can fuck me as good as you.” 
“Is that right? Then why did you let him inside your cunt?” A deep thrust made you choke out a high-pitched moan, the sound slutty even to your own ears. He stayed buried deep inside of you, but you barely had time to catch your breath before he tightened his fingers around your locks and pulled. Using the grip in your hair to guide you into the position he desired, he yanked you upwards, your shaking arms now propping your upper body up. 
“B-because I’m a slut,” you admitted, your head hanging low in shame. You weren’t even sure if it was an act or not, but the words seemed to spur him on even more, his thrusts speeding up once again. “I like having cum inside of me.”
“A cumslut, huh?” You struggled to stay propped up, but every harsh piston of his hips made stability difficult to maintain. “Can’t go without a man’s cum filling you up. You like being a cumdump for men that much?”
“O-only yours, only for you.” 
“That’s right. I own this slutty cunt.” Yoongi brought his mouth close to your ear, his teeth biting your lobe before mouthing down the side of your neck. As he left a trail of hot kisses down the column of your neck, he brought his hands up to cup your breasts, feeling them bounce in his hold with every slap of his hips against your own. You felt his breathing becoming ragged, the sound doing things to your insides.
He sunk his fingers in the supple flesh, probably leaving another set of marks to match the ones on your hips and ass, and used his hold as leverage to fuck into you faster. Every thrust inside you knocked the breath out of you—your desire spiraling to new heights with each whispered word into your ear. The pleasure started to become too much to bear and you clenched around his length to signal your approaching orgasm. 
“You’re gonna cum already? Should’ve known a slut like you wouldn’t be able to control herself when fed the right cock.” He didn’t slow down at all, his cock impaling you over and over again with no reprieve in sight. You knew if he kept this up, you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself back anymore.
“Please sir, let me cum,” you begged, your plea coming out in short pants. You didn’t know which one would give out first—your legs or your arms. The only thing that kept you upright and standing were Yoongi’s hands kneading your breasts and his hips pinning yours to the desk. 
Yoongi released your nipple with a hard tug, the free hand snaking up to your parted mouth. Instinctively, your lips wrapped around the invading digits, sucking it like it would a cock. “So greedy. You don’t get to make the demands here, slut. But I’ll be nice today because you took your spanking so well. Go on then, little slut.”
The fact that you couldn’t even see the fact of the person who was stuffing two of your holes made the fucking so impersonal. A new wave of shame swept over you, and you felt like you could drown in it. Your body thrashed in his hold, a lightning bolt of pleasure zapping through your entire body and making you starry-eyed. Your entire world shrunk, until all you knew was him and the thick cock spearing you open.  
Yoongi’s hips stuttered, his own release in reach. You felt his length twitch inside you but he quickly pulled out, his right hand stroking his slick shaft in furious strokes. You barely registered the first spurt of semen land on your well fucked pussy, the rest of his seed painting your lower lips in fields of white. 
The force of your orgasm wiped you out and you took a few seconds to regain your bearings, eyes still closed, blocking out the outside world.
It took several moments for you to be brought back to reality, spots of light still dancing in your vision whenever you blinked. Your chest heaved from exertion, your eyes watery. Your body felt incredibly light, like you could float away from the ground at any moment like a hot air balloon.
“____?” Someone repeated your name, trying to snap you out of your daze by shaking your shoulders. “Here’s some water.” A set of arms helped you sit up, and a cold glass of water was pushed into your numbed hands. “You did so well! There was no reason to be nervous, I knew you would do great.”
Belatedly, you realized that it was your agent speaking to you. He wrapped your shoulders in a pink, fluffy bathrobe—the soft fabric a welcome comfort. Seokjin showered you in praises, asking if you need anything more, but his voice faded into white noise. Your eyes flitted around the room, restless, searching.
As if feeling the weight of your gaze on him, Yoongi looked up from his phone and smiled at you. Even if his cheeks were flushed pink and his hair matted with sweat, he looked infinitely more composed than you felt. Biting the inside of your cheek, you wondered how you could possibly approach him. 
A faint buzzing pulled you from your train of thought. When you looked down, you saw a message light up the screen of your phone. Your thumb swiped the surface so that the newest message could fill up the entire screen.
 [unknown number] : hey. i cant wait to work with you again ;-)
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[edit: short continuation.]
Although your body was thoroughly sated, there was still an eagerness that hadn’t been completely quashed. You were still drunk off your high, your body now hooked to Yoongi’s touch. You wanted a repeat. Badly.
After the initial swell of elation had ebbed, you steadied your trembling fingers to type out a hurried reply. Thank God for autocorrect was your first coherent thought. You weren’t sure if your inability to spell the simplest of words was because of your stubby thumbs or because Yoongi had fucked every last feeling out of your body, leaving you numb all over. Did it even matter? The end result was the same, either way.
A minute passed. Your thumbs stumbled across the keyboard in your rushed attempt to correctly type out your response. It took another two tries before you finally succeeded in writing a message that was 1) free of spelling mistakes and 2) simultaneously made your intentions obvious (a flirtatious winky face included for good measure). However right before you were about to hit ‘send’, a new set of vibrations put a halt to your actions.
[unknown number] : i’m jimin btw. :) the 2nd AC.
What?
[unknown number] : you look really pretty on camera :)
[unknown number] : and in real life too! not just on camera.
[unknown number] : sorry if i sound so forward. but it’s been a long time sinc—
Your brain screeched to a halt as more messages flooded in, one right after the other.
Jimin…the second assistant cameraman?
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(edit added 12.08)
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ɛ sequel here ! ᴈ
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n0velust · 3 years
Text
2007
When I received the message from a stranger on Myspace, I assumed I was being punk’d.
I heard you get sleep paralysis. So do I. Can we talk about it?
The account that sent the message supposedly belonged to a girl named Rose, but her profile was sketchy. She only had one friend. There were only two photos of her, good quality, not your basic selfies, although they weren’t professional either.
She was a blonde with bangs, her hair cut just above her shoulders. Her eyes were bright and the color of sea foam. There was an angelic quality to her. This was not the first time I had seen her face before, I was sure of that, but I couldn’t place where I reconized her from. It bothered me. Not that I believed the girl in the pictures was the one who actually sent me the message. Someone was messing with me. Someone who wanted me to reveal my weaknesses so they could use them against me.
I had only spoken of my sleep paralysis once in a public setting- a group counseling session all the way back in middle school. Sara, this redhead whom I had my eye on since the moment I first saw her, mentioned having it first in this session. We talked back and forth about it for a minute before our councilor called the meeting back into order. Sara had wanted to know more about my episodes. We met up one day, but she didn’t like that I believed sleep paralysis was a mere medical condition as opposed to a supernatural phenomenon. She committed suicide just a few months after that.
I knew better than to give this troll the time of day, but it was a lonely summer night. Besides, my curiosity had been piqued.
Cute pix but they ain’t urs, I wrote back. Maybe next time add more friends and write an About Me, so it doesn’t look like you just created the account two minutes ago.
              She replied in a matter of minutes. Aww you think I’m cute?? (: lol it’s a new profile. I can send you another pic if you want.
              Alright but draw a dick on your forehead so I know it’s really you, I typed back with a smug grin on my face. Checkmate. Since they wanted to act like a dickhead.
I got up and searched my dark room, my computer screen being my only source of light, for my bottle of vodka. I usually put it somewhere inconspicuous in case my cousin, Jessica, or Aunt Marilyn barged in on me. It’s neck was sticking out from under my pillow. I took several long gulps that warmed my stomach.
I didn’t expect a reply from that account but when I looked back to the screen, endorphins kicked in when I saw the one new message notification. No way. Bad Photoshop?
              A grainy picture probably taken a flip phone, but it was her. She held her hair back out of her face, on her forehead she dawned the crudely drawn penis. A goofy smile.
Can we talk now? she asked in a separate message. I’d like this to be interview style. Can I call you to save us both time?
              Out of pure boredom, I sent her my number. A few short seconds later, my phone rang. We got past awkward introductions.
              “You do look familiar,” I admitted. “Do you go to Apponequet?”
              “No, I go to Bishop Stang.”
              “A Catholic school girl, huh?”
“I have come into your job at Burger Daze, maybe that’s why you recognize me. That’s where I overheard some kids talking about you and the fact that you had sleep paralysis.”
              “Who?”
              “I didn’t ask them their names. I just eavesdropped on their conversation,” she giggled. “To be clear, I know who you are. Not just from seeing you at your job. You’re practically famous!”
              Famous people have fans, I didn’t even have friends. The main reason having to do with my local legend status in the small community of Freetown, Massachusetts. When you witness your father’s murder as a child, then go missing in the state forest for a week, and the media outlets paste your photo all over town, people rarely forget.
              “Maybe I’ll give you an autograph sometimes,” I replied dryly.
              “A piece of paper with your handwriting on it? That’d be great. I could use it to cast a love spell on you,” she said with a smile in her voice.
              “Look, is this supposed to be a joke or-“ My amusement was wearing thin.
              “No joke, Raiden. When I heard those people talking about you, I couldn’t believe it. I haven’t met another living person who’s had sleep paralysis. And for me it’s been especially bad lately so I took it as a sign that I must reach out to you.”
              “Well now you have, so what do you want?”
              “Tell me, do you hallucinate during?”
              “Most people do. Your body puts itself in a state of paralysis, so you don’t act out your dreams. The hallucinations occur because your mind is still in a dream state.”
              “Thanks for educating me on the subject as if I haven’t already extensively researched it myself. I’ll take that as a ‘yes’ then?”
              “Yes.”
              “And what sorts of things do you see?”
              “People who suffer from sleep paralysis tend to see the same things, shadow people and such. Which makes sense because the room is dark and there are a lot of shadows.”
I was so used to only talking about this with therapists that I couldn’t help but parrot the things they told me.
              “What about the old hag though? Lots of people report seeing the detailed image of an old woman, usually wearing a veil, who sits on their chests. She’s not a shadow. Explain why that’s common sighting.”
I paced the room, thinking of an explanation but fell short.
              “Have you seen the old hag?” I reflected her question back.
              “I asked you what you saw first.”
              “Yes, it’s one of the worst apparitions. She starts off as a beautiful woman and then morphs. Total succubus situation, it’s awful.”
              “Sounds like the scene in The Shining. That part really freaked me out as a kid.”
              “I haven’t seen it.” Or any horror movie for that matter.
              “The original is better than the remake although Stephen King wouldn’t agree- anyway so, shadow people, the old hag, anything else?"
I hesitated, stumbling over my words. There was something else. Something Sara mentioned seeing too. Something that she claimed the more energy you gave to, the more powerful it got.
“I’ve seen something coming out of the wall. It’s like it comes from another dimension,” Rose went on, since I was at a loss for words. “It’s three dimensional too, not like a shadow. Unlike the other sleep paralysis villains, it can physically touch. It puts its hand over my head. Local indigenous tribes have something similar in their folklore, expect it comes out of trees instead of walls. They call it a Wuagamortchi. Have you ever seen it or heard of it?”
My throat ran dry, so I went back to my bottle and took another drink. There’s no way she could be messing with me. I’ve only spoken of this particular entity to Sara and one of my psychologists. Sara named this entity ‘Wally”. As a kid, I called it the Gatekeeper.
              “Yes,” I admitted. “I’ve seen it since I was a kid.”
“Can you describe your experiences?” Rose asked. Her voice was too cheery for the conversation we were having.
“No. I’d rather not. Sorry, I’m kind of freaking out right now. You’re not the first person to come into my life asking me about this shit. This girl I used to know, Sara, she saw the wog-thing, whatever you called it, too.”
“Really?” Rose asked enthusiastically. “Do you have Sara’s number? I’d love to talk to her too.”
“She committed suicide, about four years ago. I felt…guilty about it. You’re reminding me for her right now. That’s why my mind is a mess.”
“Why do you feel guilty?”
“Because she came to me for help so she would feel less alone. Her view on it was even darker than yours. She thought that actual demons were after her, that they wanted to make her hurt herself and other people. I dismissed her after she said all that, told her it was in her head. The ultimate betrayal, in her eyes, was when I told her boyfriend, James, that she needed help. She never spoke to me again. Her paranoia was what led her to take her life.”
“I mean, you reached out to her boyfriend about your concerns. It sounds to me like you did try to help her.”
I shook my head. “I could have done more for her. I could have been more empathetic.”
“I get it.” Finally her voice had some emotion behind it. Before she sounded like some robotic customer service representative. “My mother committed suicide and I feel like I should have done things differently too. The shrink I see says I shouldn’t blame myself but it’s hard not to.”  Rose let out a sigh and pulled herself back together. “How often do you experience SP?”
              It took me a moment to follow her train of thought. She dropped a bomb on me and then swept right passed it.
“A few times a week lately. I’ll go months without an episode, then it will become more frequent for a while. It has to do with stress,” I told her.
              “Have you found anything that helps to reduce episodes?”
              “Drinking.” I held my bottle up in a cheers to myself. I sat on my bed, leaning up against the wall with a pillow behind me.
              “Alcohol? Does that really help?”
              “No, not really. I wouldn’t recommend it. It helped at first but now it just makes me not care as much that it’s happening.”
              “Hmm. I smoke weed at night for the same reason.” She paused for a moment, “have you ever smoked before?”
              “Once.” With Sara. God, everything that came out of this girl’s mouth reminded me of Sara.
              We stayed up talking for hours after that, getting to know each other. Rose told me that she had recently found her mother’s diary, where she described her own instances of sleep paralysis. While Rose did believe it was paranormal and I didn’t, we came to the agreement that there was a link between sleep paralysis and mental health issues- depression, anxiety, PTSD. It all went hand in hand.
              I listened to Rose talk about her out of body experiences, how she had been training herself to detach her soul from her body during sleep paralysis and shoot energy balls as her interdimensional intruders. She told me about how her and her mother to share the same dreams and that she would astral project to the astral plane, hoping to find he mother there so she could say goodbye one last time. She said she wanted me to astral project with her, so we could be together, but I said I’d rather just take her out on a date. Her ramblings were nonsensical, yet she spoke them with such conviction that I wanted to believe.
              Rose said that since it was summer she had been waiting until sunrise to let herself sleep. We stayed up until then talking. When we finally did go to sleep we left our phones beside us on speaker, so if something did happen to one or both of us, the other person would be on the line. It was the first night in weeks I had slept without having a nightmare or an episode of sleep paralysis.
              We texted each other all that next day, then at night we spoke on the phone for hours on end. This went on for a few days. By the end of the first night, I was already hounding her about meeting up. she invited me to meet her at this house party she was attending on Friday night.
              Thanks to our late-night chats, not only was I sleeping better but I had also stopped drinking. I wanted to be coherent in our conversations. I wanted her to think that I was smart and funny, not some loser teenage alcoholic. But- before going to meet her at this party in Fall River, a half an hour drive away, I did have a little liquid courage to calm my nerves.
              When I pulled up to the house and parked along the street, she was out on the driveway waiting for me. She wore cut-off shorts and a black crop top, and a light jacket over it, despite it being the middle of July and eighty degrees outside. Over her shoulders, she wore a mini black backpack.
Despite her heavy make-up, she was still gorgeous. Even more so in person. Slim build but great legs. Her friend Genesis was starting next to her, holding her hand. Genesis taller than Rose but not my much. Her hair was clearly bleached blonde and fell in tight, corkscrew curls. She was dressed in a similar outfit. They were staring at my car and whispering among themselves. When I got out, Rose let out a squeal that I could hear from all the way over where I was standing.
Rose looked terrified, her eyes as wide as saucers. She had never even had a first kiss before and while I wanted to rush over and give that to her, what I wanted more was for her to feel comfortable.
              “Hi Raiden,” Genesis called on Rose’s behalf as I approached them.
              “That’s Genna,” Rose said, still clutching her friend’s hand. I could barely hear her.
              “I know. I recognize her as your only Myspace friend.”
              When I got up to them, it struck me how much I towered over them. A though occurred, what if she’s lying about her age? But I pushed it back to the far corners of my mind. Rose told me she was fifteen, sixteen on November 27th. My birthday was exactly a month after hers, I’d be turning eighteen. Our age difference wasn’t too bad. She had mentioned on the phone that she was petite.
              Genna pealed Rose’s hand off of hers and shoved her in my direction before turning her back and walking away. Rose watched her friend go before turning to me. I stood still like I was offering food to a timid deer. Where was the bold girl whom I had spoken to over the phone?
              Suddenly she was running towards me. She leapt up and I caught her in my arms. She wrapped her legs around my waist and initiated the first kiss. I let her have a little peck then tilted my head back farther. She groaned, her fingernails pricking the back of my neck. Our noses brushed before we kissed again. I melted into it. 
              I put her back down and we looked each other over.
              “I’ve never been to a house party before,” I said, to break the ice.
              “I don’t really like these types of parties,” she confessed.
              “Why are we here then?”
              “It just so happens that this party is only a couple blocks away from where a dear old friend of mine lives. I couldn’t miss the opportunity to pay him a visit.”
              Him? Confusion, jealousy, rage bubbled up in my chest.
              “You can come with me,” she clarified. “I want you to.” She batted her eyelashes at me and held her hand out for me to take but I wasn’t so sure I wanted to.
              “Who’s your friend?” I asked, looking down at her with narrowed eyes.
              “Andrew. You probably know him since you went to Freetown Lakeville Middle. Andrew Arslanian.”
I stared at her in disbelief. “Mr. Arslanian? The fucking science teacher?”
              She giggled at my surprise. “That’s the one. Part science teacher, part pervert. He stays busy.”
              “How do you know that? Did he hurt you? What are you going to do to him?” So many questions and finding the answers wouldn’t make me feel any better.
              “No. Not me,” Rose chuckled ironically. “This girl, Danielle. They had an affair. She was too young to know what she was getting into-“
Two girls stumbled out of the party, leaving the door wide open. The music was playing so loud that I could feel the bass in my bones.
Rose lowered her voice, “he knocked her up, then tried to throw money at her and threaten her into having an abortion until she moved away. Dani and I aren’t even friends anymore but that’s a whole ‘nother story. This was all long time ago.”
“Why wait til now to go after Mr. Arslanian? What are you going to do to him?”
“Chill. I’m not going to burn his house done or anything.” She took off her tiny backpack and unzipped it to allow me a peek inside. A single can of red spray paint and a wallet.
“And honestly, I haven’t thought of him in a long time but since I’m in the neighborhood…” She cocked her head and smiled at me, batting her eyelashes persuasively.
“How do you even know his address?”
“The internet.” She shrugged.
“I just-“ I didn’t want to come off like a buzzkill or an asshole. “I came all this way to hang out with you not to vandalize my eighth-grade teacher’s house.”
Her cheeks blushed. “I want to hang out with you too. This won’t take long, and you can pick what we do next.”
“I guess I’m in then,” I said with a scoff and an eyeroll.
She jumped for joy and let out a big, “Yesss!”
“But next time, tell me ahead of time when you have a crazy idea like this.”
“For sure I will.” She took my hands, intertwined her fingers in mine and started leading me down the sidewalk. “I’m so glad you agreed to join me because the Lucy I took should kick in soon an-“
I stopped dead in my tracks, bringing her to an abrupt halt as well. “What?!”
“Lucy. It’s slang for-“
“LSD,” I finished for her.
“It’s probably best that someone will be looking after me when it kicks in.”
I looked at her, then back to my car, and really contemplated leaving. Rose had told me about her experiences with various drugs, Xanax, coke, and of course weed. Genesis brought her into this world and Rose liked to experiment.
              “I saved a stamp for you.” She looked up at me with angel eyes.
              I knew a time would come when I’d be offered something questionable. Under different circumstances, I’d be more inclined to want to try LSD but not at a damn party. Not when we both have a history of mental illness. It seemed like an awful idea. I wasn’t about  to explain that to her because I didn’t want her thinking I was a loser.
              I liked her. A lot. There had other women, I was no virgin, but I had never had a serious relationship before. No one’s mind enticed me as much as Rose’s. I had never shared a connection like this with anybody. No one’s eyes had ever hypnotized me in such a way that my brain shut off entirely. I couldn’t blow this so soon, so I forced a smile over my haunted expression.
              “Let me give you some money for mine at least.”
              “No, it’s okay. Genna and her boyfriend TJ just gave them to me.” She fumbled in her purse and took out her wallet, out of her billfold, she handed me a stamp. Not the postage kind.
              “Don’t chew it or swallow it, just leave it on your tongue for a while.” She held out her finger with the tiny white square on top and I took it and did as instructed.
              “It’s my first time taking acid too so this should be interesting.” She giggled.
“How long ago did you take yours?” I asked, trying to judge how long I’d have until it set in.
“Right before you got here,” she replied. “TJ said it’d take about fifteen minutes to half an hour before I felt anything. He’s a total douche but at least he’s good for party favors.”
              We locked hands again. My hands were so much bigger than hers and she had to hold hers above her waist to align it with my own.
              “Why don’t you like TJ?”
              “He’s a pedo too. Dude’s twenty years old. He has no business hanging out with girls as young as me and Genna.”
              “Why don’t you tell your friend that?”
              “She knows how old he is. She doesn’t care. Just thinks he’s with her because she’s so mature. Trust me, if I told her what I really thought about him, she’d choose him over me. Love makes people stupid and blind.”
              I could see that now…
              “Girls get obsessed with these random ass guys that come into their lives. No depth or anything unique about them. That’s why I never bothered dating. I never met anyone who truly compelled me.” She squeezed my hand. “Until now.”
              “I must really like you because I can’t say no to you.” I grinned at her.
She lit up when I said that. There was no point in either of us trying to play it cool. No way she could have hidden that ear to ear smile. Under the streetlamps, I spotted freckles on her cheekbones, the bridge of her nose, underneath all that make-up. Such a shame that she covered them up.
              “Are you a natural blonde?” I asked.
              “Yeah but my natural color is a little darker than it is now.”
              I kept looking at her. Her familiarity drove me nuts, like when a word is on the tip of your tongue, but you can’t quite remember what it is. 
              “It’s weird that I have no memory of interacting with you when you were a customer at my work.”
              “You see a lot of customers come through there every day.”
              “Yeah but I remember the pretty ones. And I’d definitely remember your face. Especially since you said you come in there a lot.”
              “You were the main reason I was coming in there for a while. Just because I thought you were so handsome.” She laughed at herself. I could feel her hand shaking in mine. It was a little sweaty too.
              “Are you serious? That’s…slightly creepy but also flattering. Does that mean you have ulterior motives when you friended me on Myspace?”
“I saw that as my way in, yes. When I heard those kids talking about you having sleep paralysis, I took it as a sign that we were meant to get to know each other.”
“When you first invited me to this party, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to come. I’m really glad we’re hanging out, just you and me. Parties aren’t really my thing.”
              “Me either. I have social anxiety. I’m more comfortable with a small group of people. Or with just you.” She led us across the street, onto a different road.
              “You’re pretty social though. You’re more outgoing than me.”
              “It’s all an act, I’m actually pretty shy.”
              “You don’t seem very shy to me.”
              “Really. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt like something was wrong with me. Something that everyone else can see too. I became really withdrawn so obviously, it was always hard for me to make friends. But then I learned this thing from Dexter, have you seen that show? Or read the books?”
              “Dexter’s Laboratory?”
              “No!” Rose laughed. “Dexter the serial killer. He only kills bad guys. Anyway, he talks about having to wear this mask to blend in with the rest of society because duh he’s a killer and he works around a bunch of cops but I kind of took that concept and applied it to my own life. Did you know that Paris Hilton is actually smart? She just plays a character to mask her true self?”
“I have no idea,” I replied.
“That’s what I do. I play a character. I say and do crazy things because….people think of me as one thing and my true self hides behind that persona. I pretend my life is a realty show, and I do whatever I want. I know that all sounds weird. I’ve always been real with you though.”
              “I get where you’re coming from. Blend in with the normies so they don’t question you too much.”
              “Right because when you’re quiet, people can fill your silence with whatever they want.” Her words hung in the air, echoing on a loop in my mind.
She pulled her hand from mine and I worried she was suddenly upset with me. She took off her backpack and dropped it on the ground. I picked it up and held it for her.
“It’s so hot,” she said as she took her jacket off.
Before I could open my mouth to ask her why she was even wearing it, I saw the angry, red welts on the pale skin of her freckled bicep. Four of them at least, but there were more that looked faded.
              “What are those?” I asked, running my index finger over them raised scars.
              “Oh, right. That’s why I was wearing the jacket,” Rose said, more to herself than to me. She sighed as she shoved her arms back into it.
              “You don’t have to cover them up but what happened to you?” I pulled her jacket back off to get another look at them. “Are they cigarette burns? Who’s hurting you?”
              Rose chuckled at me. “It was just me, don’t worry.”
              “I am worried though. Why would you do that to yourself?”
              “I get overwhelmed sometimes, and it helps to ground me. Don’t judge.”
              “It’s not exactly a healthy coping mechanism.”
              “Neither is your drinking,” she shot back. Her eyes were narrowed but she wore a ‘gotcha’ smile. “You don’t want to be like my dad, unable to hold down a job. He tells us he quit, he’s gonna sober up, but he just tries to hide it. He never knows what’s going on, it’s really embarrassing.”  Her voice was louder and more emotional than usual.
              “You’re right. I know. What I do is another form of self-harm. I’ll make you a deal though, I stop drinking and you stop burring yourself, okay?”
              “What about a wager?” she asked with a grin. She pondered the terms of the wager for a moment. “Whoever loses has to give the other person oral sex.”
              Laughter boomed from my chest. “No, that’s fucked up. I don’t want to benefit from you hurting yourself. Besides, if we did that, I’d just go back to the party and have a drink.”
We shared a laugh at that.
“I rather just make it a pact,” I went on. “If you feel the urge, just reach out to me and talk to me about it – or your friend Genesis. And I’ll do the same, okay?” I extended my arm for a handshake.
              “Deal,” she said, taking my hand. I pulled her in for a hug, our lips found each other’s, and we kissed softly but hungrily. Euphoria pulsed through my veins. She pulled away too soon.
              “Let’s just this over with, before I start tripping.”
              She led the way through the neighborhood, knowing exactly where she was going. We walked at a quick pace until we came upon a two-story yellow painted home.
              3342 Snyder Lane.
              She took out the spray paint can and shook it, I worried about the noises. There was no car out front in the driveway but there was always a two-car garage, so it was hard to tell if anyone was home.
              Wind blew in through the trees overhead. Rose looked up at the swaying branches in awe. She waved back to them.
              “Rose! Hurry it up,” I urged her in a whisper.
              She looked to me, confused, and then down at the spray paint can in her hand. Dropping to her knees,  she was mesmerized by the paint exiting the can. “I’m creating universes,” she told herself.
              She put her other hand into the stream of paint.
“Stop,” I said. “You don’t want to get caught red handed, do you?”
              She looked up at me and then down at her red palm, laughing at my pun. I took the spray can away from her and told her I’d do it.
              Ask me about Danielle, I wrote on the driveway in messy print. Underneath that, I added, I’m a pedo, to make our accusations clear. 
              I looked up for Rose and nearly had a heart attack when I saw her peeking in through the first story window. I ran up behind her but then froze.
              There was sheer, red, fabric over the window but we could still see what was going on in the house. People, maybe ten of them, all wearing plain black masks but with a red upside-down triangle drawn over the forehead. They were dancing around. In the center of their circle was a man tied to a chair. He was slouched over, still, eyes open and unblinking. They were taking turns stabbing his already dead body.
              “Get away from there,” I said, a little too loud. Because one of them stopped in their tracks and looked out through the window, right at us. This person’s sudden stop in rotation caused the others to bump into them.
              Without thinking, I picked Rose up and threw over my shoulder. I ran out of there like a bat out of hell. Her backpack clapped against her with every step. The adrenaline must have given me extra strength because I ran like that with her on my back for blocks and blocks, until, I couldn’t take it anymore. I set her on the ground, and we ran together hand in hand for what felt like an eternity. All I knew was the run. A running being was my identity. I couldn’t think of anything else. I can’t tell you how long we ran or how far we got. Rose led us and not in a straight direction, to confuse whoever might have been following us. We went through people’s backyards, up and over fences. Repeatedly.
              I could have kept going but Rose was out of breath and collapsed herself onto someone’s yard. She repeated, “I can’t do it anymore, I can’t do it.”
              “Did you see what I saw?” I asked, my hands rested on my knees as I gasped for air. When I closed my eyes, I saw geometric shapes breathing. Circles morphing into triangles, then into diamonds, then into hexagons.
              “They were killing him,” Rose said in a weak voice, burying her face in the grass.
              “He was already dead.”
My voice didn’t sound like my own. I felt like we were in virtual reality, like I was at home playing video games and none of this was even real. “They saw us. We need to keep moving.” I reached my hand down to help her up.
              “I can’t run anymore. I always knew if I was in a horror movie, that I wouldn’t survive the run. Go on without me. Save yourself.”
              “It’s my responsibility to protect you,” I replied. “You’re my girlfriend.”
I was just as surprised of those words coming out of my mouth as she was. She smiled and it was like everything was okay. For a second there, time stood still, and I felt perfectly sober. But then everything got wavy again.
              She allowed me to help her to her feet. “I’m your girlfriend?”
“Why else would I be going through all this shit for you? Now c’mon. We can walk but we have to move forward.”
              “I don’t know how to get home.”
              I looked around my surroundings, only now realizing that we were utterly lost. “You mean back to the party?”
              “Oh, right. I forgot about that stupid party.”
              “Did you want me to take you home? Because I would.”
              “No way. I couldn’t bear to see my mother right now.” I just looked at her. Her mother was dead, but it probably wasn’t the best moment to remind her of that.
              I tried to remember the route we took to get to where we were. If I could remember where Mr. Arslanian lived, maybe I could get us back to the party. What I needed was a weapon though, to make sure that we got back safely.
              The best I could find in the moment was a large stick. I picked it up and held it over my shoulder. “This way,” I told Rose, leading her in the direction that felt right.
              The threat might have been gone but my paranoia remained. All the houses looked the same. We were in an endless labyrinth. I tried to have a conversation with Rose while we walked, to add some normalcy to the evening. My mind would loop, and then I’d completely forget what I was thinking about. I’d forget what I was saying, midsentence. My words came out a mush. We didn’t see any people outside or even cars driving by and that had me feeling like I was in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Soon the zombies would come.
Things got weirder when I had the sudden sensation that I was actually my father and I was lost in the void between Earth and the afterlife. I was his ghost, trying to escape from some evil force that beckoned to me.  My breath hitched. I could feel my insides vibrating. Everything was vibrating. I sat down in the grass, hoping that the feeling would pass.
              “Are you okay?” Rose asked, the first time she had spoken in a while.
              “I’m going to a bad place.” I covered my face with my hands in shame.
              “You don’t have to,” she told me. “Genna warned me about bad trips. She told me that if you think bad thoughts, of course you’ll have a bad trip. But you can have a good time too, it’s all in how you approach it. You’re thinking too much,” she said. I couldn’t fathom how she could say so many words.
“Just lie back and enjoy the ride.”
What a concept. All my life, I’ve never been able to do just that.
It was a clear night and the stars were visible. For a moment it felt like I was the pilot of a spaceship. Then after staring at them for too long, they didn’t even look real anymore. A hologram. I broke the celestial trance and shifted my gaze over to her. The most beautiful being I had ever laid eyes on, she made this all worth it.
Feeling my stare Rose looked over at me, brushing her fingers over my face. “This is all worth it because we’re together.”
“I was just thinking that exact same thing,” I said, finally finding my words. “You read my mind.”
              She rolled over on her side and I did the same. We were almost nose to nose.
“Remember what I told you on the phone? If we practice reading each other’s minds, soon we'll be able to dream share.”
I thought of the game she taught me to play over the phone. One person clears their mind and closes their eyes, holding a picture of the other person in their mind. The other person focuses on sending a mental transmission, through a beam of light from their forehead, the other person. I wasn’t very good at the game.
“What am I thinking?” she asked. “The category is fruit.”
              I did as instructed and waited to receive her transmission. “Grapes,” I said as the image suddenly popped up in my mind.
              “What kind of grapes?”
              My eyes tried to flutter open, but I forced them shut. “Was I right? They’re green.” The picture was so clear, I could almost taste them. I looked at her for conformation.
              She nodded and smiled. “Yes, green grapes.. The acid must be helping us connect.”
“I’ll try to send one to you,” I said. “It’s a shape and a color.”
               We both laid back in the grass. I closed my eyes, held her in my mind. The light stemming from my forehead was so bright it was like I could really see it.
“Blue, a circle- no wait now it’s a triangle.” She opened her eyes and asked if she was right.
I nodded and told her to close her eyes again. “I’ll send you a number now.”
“Twenty-seven,” she said, in no time at all. “I can see it clear as day. And the numbers are in white bubble lettering with yellow polka-dots.” I was in awe, unable to speak. Good thing that I didn’t need to anymore.
“It’s the date of both or birthdays,” she went on.
“That’s why I was thinking of it. You also mentioned on the phone that you liked that number.”
“Wow,” Rose said. “I can’t believe we mastered teleportation.” We both laughed as she realized she said the wrong word.
“Telepathy,” I corrected. “I think we’d need a little more acid for teleportation.” 
               Music started playing out of nowhere. It was really creepy until we realized it was coming from Rose’s phone. I had completely forgotten we carried such devices.
              “Whoa, the screen is all over the place,” Rose said before answering.
 “I just wanted to check in,” I heard Genesis say. “Where are you guys?”
“We’re lost,” Rose replied.
There was a male’s voice in the background. Genesis had us walk to a street corner and tell her the names of the roads on the intersection we were on. It was hard to read the sign. The letter flew off and were carried away by the wind. After discussion with the other person she was with, Genesis told us to stay where we were and that she’d come find us.
I told Rose that it might be dangerous for Genesis to be walking the streets by herself. The masked ones who had engaged in the ritual could still be looking for us. Rose tried to tell Genesis about Mr. Arslanian and what we saw through his window, but Genesis just started laughing.
“You can tell it’s their first time tripping,” she said to someone else. “TJ’s coming with me. We’re on our way. Just sit tight,” Genesis told Rose before hanging up.
When we saw two figures approaching us, walking in the middle of the road, Rose jumped up and down with excitement. “They found us! We’re saved.”
She took off running towards her friend. I was shocked when both girls lifted up their shirts, revealing their bras underneath. They howled when they bumped their chests together.
Genesis’ boyfriend must have noticed my expression because he explained that was like their secret handshake. He introduced himself as TJ, while the girls were jumping all over each other. He looked like how I imagined he would, old as hell. He had long greasy hair, with a black cap over his head. A full beard, I must have looked like a child next to him. He wore a white t-shirt with holes in it and jeans that hung down below the waist. I didn’t like him. He instantly gave me bad vibes. I would have rather been lost with Rose forever.
As we walked back to the party, which apparently we were only a couple of blocks away from, the girls walked together ahead of us, chatting gleefully back and forth. Rose was telling Genesis that I was her boyfriend and Genesis was really excited about the whole thing.
TJ pulled me back to slow our pace, he grabbed my roughly. “You be good to our Rosie.” That instantly pissed me off. Rose was not his. “She’s a wild one. No experience but she’s ready to learn to fuck.” I was ready to kick this fucker’s ass.
“I coulda had her but she didn’t like the idea of a three-way relationship. She thought Genna would be mad at her but Genna said she woulda been cool with it.”
If Mr. A and his friends needed another sacrifice, I had just the guy for them.
“I never met two girls with such dirty minds,” he had the audacity to continue. “You’ll have fun wit her, I bet. But yo, if you’re gonna stick it to ‘er, don’t go ghost after tonight. That would make her sad. Which would make Genesis sad. Which would fuck wit my own life, ya feel me?”
“I don’t plan on ghosting her and I don’t plan on sleeping with her tonight either. I like her. I’m not trying to rush anything. I want to see where it goes.”
“Bro sex on acid is fucking magical. You should try it sometime. Are you having a good trip?”
“I’d be enjoying it more if I didn’t just see my old science teacher having a satanic ritual.”
He laughed at me, “You’re funny, man.”
 We could hear the music from down the street and started to run towards it, grateful to be freed from the maze. Back at the party, my mood did a three-sixty. Genesis and TJ shared a joint with us, which put me on another level for sure, but the euphoria was back. Genesis kept taking pictures. Rose and I even danced. Our bodies moving to the music without having to think twice about it. After working up a sweat, we went to the refreshment table and drank some water.
              “They’re so many of them! They’re multiplying,” Rose said, mesmerized by a tray of cupcakes. “Why’s no one eating them? I don’t want to be the only one who eats one. What’s wrong with these people?”
I encouraged her to just take one and she looked at me, her eyes mischievous.
              “I have a better idea,” she grinned. “Carry the tray upstairs for me, I’m scared I’d drop it.”
  ��           “What do you want to do with them?” I asked.
              “We could put the frosting on each other’s bodies and lick it off.” She didn’t have to tell me twice, I grabbed the tray and we headed to the second floor.
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im-a-meteorite · 7 years
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Fic Recommendations
I’m bored so i’m making this list of all the fics that I’ve read (and liked). I’ll be updating this every now and then. I’ll also probs put it in my bio. I’ll be categorizing them by main ship then I’ll have the links and their summaries. I’ll also add their ratings  
Namjin 
Charmed - kaythebest  (Teens and Up) 
"So you’re not going to eat me?" Seokjin asks, just to confirm.
"Why would I eat you?"
"Because you’re a dragon," Seokjin says slowly, because it should be obvious, despite Namjoon not looking very dragon-y at all.
Namjoon looks unimpressed. "I may be a dragon, but I’m not an animal."
before things come together - brightlight  (Explicit)
Namjoon didn't expect to run into the TA from his philosophy class at the gay bar Taehyung and Jimin drag him to, he really didn't expect him to look this nice outside of class, and he really, really didn't expect to have a crush on him.
It's going to be an interesting semester.
그 손을 내밀어줘 - sugavevo  (General Audiences) 
bangtan as kids ft. namjin as parents
Let’s Not Hurt Anymore - exfatamorgana  (Mature)
They don’t talk about it, and usually no one thinks to ask. But if you did, Namjoon and Seokjin would tell. They aren’t keeping secrets, and if you asked them, they’d answer. It just so happens that on a Sunday, not much different from any other Sunday, the other boys think to ask.
So how do two people who are always together end up… together?
you have 1 new message - bazooka  (Teens and Up) 
r u n c h r a n d a. fuck this is going to sound like the weirdest shit okay look i used ur selcas to catfish and this older dude is gonna buy me stuff but i have to send him a selca with a peace sign
~ * ~ pingkeu jin ~ * ~ hahahahahahaha wtf
Creating a Home - CheekyBrunette (General Audiences)
Seokjin is used to getting calls from social workers at all hours of the day, but never this late at night.
(In which Hoseok loses a mom and gains two dads and four brothers.)
Spanish Doll - saengie (Mature)
What Seokjin expected of his summer holiday in the wine country of Spain had been wine, sleep, and more wine. Being the muse for the recluse painter Namjoon and arguing the finer points of post modern art as pillow talk had never crossed his mind.
Yoonjin
(cause i) i’m a fool for you - onrainydays (General Audiences) 
yoongi wakes up in the middle of the night to feed seokjin's sugar gliders
of sweet kisses and raspberries - onrainydays (Teens and Up) 
seokjin loves soft things.
yoongi isn't a thing but he's soft. really really soft.
and seokjin loves him.
give me the warmth of your love - onrainydays (General Audiences)
just a drabble of tired seokjin craving cuddles
Namseok
The Jung-Kim Family - onrainydays (General Audiences)
The kid was dressed very Namjoon and smiled very Hoseok. He looked like a perfect combination of the two in every picture, melted his parents’ hearts and made their eyes shine with the purest love.
or, namseok's child was too cute not to make him a model
Yoonmin 
An Aperture in Fine Balance - blurrylines  (Teens and Up) 
Fake Marriage AU in which Yoongi is an up and coming rapper whose fame had blown up in Korea, traveled throughout Asia and has now landed him in the States. Meanwhile, Jimin is in America to study photography and find success in this land of freedom. Except for one problem. His school's policy for financial aid requires him to be either over the age of 24, have a child, or be married.
Considering the fact that he’s only 21 and can’t have a kid, Jimin is left with the last option.
That’s where Yoongi comes in the picture.
a+++ cutie - yururin  (General Audiences) 
“Are you sure your name’s Jimin and not Jinyoung?” Yoongi asked, feeling extremely dumb, but the laugh that Jimin answered him with was worth it. Sort of.
“I’m sure, hyung,” Jimin replied softly, leaning both arms on the table as he grinned at Yoongi, “finally figured it out?”
85 Days of Summer - yururin  (Explicit)
When his friends dragged him to some secluded, intimate beach resort for their summer break, all that Yoongi expected to get were cheap souvenirs, sand between his toes, and a lot of sunburns.
He didn’t expect that a beautiful boy with honey skin, soft copper hair, and a smile so bright and happy would steal his heart instead.
you are my sunshine, my only sunshine - yururin  (Mature) 
On their second anniversary, Yoongi proposed to Jimin. On their third anniversary, Yoongi woke up to the news of Jimin's untimely death. On Jimin's first death anniversary, Yoongi met Jimin again.
The Letter Thief - d4wndust  (Teens and Up) 
Min Yoongi receives a text from an unknown number and it seems to be a suicide note. Park Jimin says his goodbyes through a text, but to a wrong number.
Min Yoongi makes Park Jimin live a little longer and Park Jimin makes Min Yoongi start living.
Truth or Dare - fratboyyoongi  (Not Rated) 
Based on a prompt I got from otpprompts on tumblr that goes like: (Imagine that Person A and Person B (who are not going out yet, but have crushes on each other) are playing Truth or Dare with their friends, who can tell about their feelings toward one another. One of their friends dares B to kiss A. B leans over and kisses A on the cheek. Very tired of B’s BS, A tells them, “Come on B, you know that’s not what they meant” and grabs their head and kisses them on the mouth.)
we pass in front of a flower shop (and i catch the scent of roses) - groovystars  (General Audiences) 
Jimin's a florist who sings to the flowers and crushes hard on the mint-haired man who just came in to buy a cactus.
The Boy in the Music Box - MissterMaia  (Teens and Up) 
Yoongi doesn’t really expect anything special when he finds an old music box in his grandmother’s attic and she tells him to keep it. Oh sure, he expects the music box to be a pretty decoration to add to the stale interior of his small apartment. He expects it to play a tune and he might even dare to expect the barely-functioning little ballerina to dance along to the soft chimes, but that's it, really.
The last thing he expects is for the little ballerina to take human form at night and throw his life out of balance with radiant smiles, soft giggles, and a heart-wrenching story.
Sunshine on a Rainy Day - MissterMaia  (General Audiences) 
It’s a fact as well-known as water being wet that Min Yoongi hates mornings. He hates the lethargicness of waking up, the temporary lack of complete motor control, the slowness of his sleep-drunk mind as it attempts to power up again after the six-hour long reboot session. Truly, mornings are the devil’s work.
But maybe Yoongi hates them a little less thanks to the cute weatherman he watches over a cup of coffee every morning.
The Songbird and the Sea - MissterMaia  (Mature) 
In a world where dominance of the sea is an endless battle between pirates and mariners, Park Jimin is content living in his little village on a small, uninteresting island by the eastern mainland. He wants nothing to do with the bloodshed of good and evil, the heartless killing of both innocents and condemned, the constant establishment and disruption of order. What he wants is peace, to live his life in the same town he was born in, to spend his days in the beautiful forest, and to use the powers of his Blessed Rune to nurture the home he loves so dearly.
But when his island is attacked by pirates, Jimin will have no other choice than to do as they command and leave all thoughts of peace behind in favor of boarding the Agust, a pirate ship captained by the infamous Min Yoongi, Black Fox of the East.
Hey, Piano Man - MissterMaia  (Explicit) 
In which Yoongi, after having his evening completely ruined by a drunk asshole on his way home from a rough day at the studio, decides he himself needs to get drunk and wanders into an old-fashioned pub. He may or may not find his bad mood washed away by the cute bartender, and he may or may not end up completely and utterly smitten when said bartender gets on the small stage and starts singing in the most angelic, beautiful, seductive voice he's ever heard in all his life.
“You play the piano?”
“I... yeah, I do, actually. How'd you know?”
The bartender's smile is shy and confident all at once, and Yoongi's heart lurches in confusion. “Just a feeling,” Jimin says softly, busying himself with drying a glass. “Your hands are beautiful. They look like they were made to play an instrument.”
Soul Bond - springrain21 (Teens and Up) 
Everyone is born with a Soulmate, but not everyone gets to meet their other half in their lifetime. Twenty one year old Park Jimin suspects he will never meet his Soulmate. When he accidentally makes skin-to-skin contact with the cold, distant Min Yoongi, he discovers that the two of them are Soulmates. But what happens when Yoongi doesn't even believe in Soulmates? Will Jimin develop the deadly condition known as Soul Sickness? And will Yoongi make it in time to save him?
Love is fulfilment of the law - Yoongi_trash (Teen and Up)
"They were a strange couple, Jimin knew it. He knew that it was wrong on so many levels. On every level. He'd read the books, knew the laws; homosexuality was a sin and it always would be. But Jimin couldn't help it, couldn't deny his feelings for Yoongi."
AKA the church AU in which Jimin is a probably an angel sent from heaven and Yoongi's nickname is the Antichrist
time follows you (and fades) - thebestofme (Teen and Up)
hp!au - how half-veela!jimin and yoongi fall in love in the Slytherin common room.
(or, two sides of one story: Jimin worries about the effects of his Allure and hides his veela nature; Yoongi loves Jiminie but is too confused by mixed signals to act on it).
you and me (are the difference between real love and the love on tv) - inkingbrushes (Teen and Up)
Yoongi is pretty sure his friends are conspiring against him.
Or: that stupid college au where they're all drunk and playing the "of course" game.
smile like silver - jflawless (Teen and Up)
Anonymous said: could you do a yoonmin fic where yoongi gets a tongue piercing ? and jimin just really likes it
when you’re in love all the lines get blurred - jflawless (Teen and Up)
Jimin isn't sure what possessed him to lie to his mother and tell her that he had a boyfriend, but now that he's opened the position, he has no choice but to fill it. Yoongi is, apparently, his only option.
It’s your Birthday but you’re my Gift - smoljean (General Audiences) 
Yoongi celebrates 5 birthdays with Jimin over the course of 20 years. (aka Yoongi growing up with Jimin only to realise he's falling for his childhood friend).
you wish i was yours (and i hope that you’re mine) -  awsuga (Mature)
Jimin is getting ready to sleep his summer away now that all his friends have left for college except for him. That is, though, until he meets Yoongi. A boy two years older than him from the city, who has been kicked out by his parents and is now living with his aunt.
Because of Yoongi Jimin learns more about himself in one summer than he has his entire life.
give me a sign - iwillalwaysbelieve (Teen and Up) 
Yoongi thinks the universe is a dick for a lot of reasons. Reason #1: It gave a deaf person a soul-mark that revolves around speech. Reason #2: Once he decided to hate his soulmate no matter what they were like, the universe gave him a really attractive soulmate. Reason #3: Said soulmate is overly kind, no matter how much of a dick Yoongi is. Reason #4: Yoongi is definitely fucked.
Midnight Dreamers - ghuns (Teens and Up)
Soulmates. They're something vague and the only clues to them lie within your dreams.
Speak to Me - noonatha  (General Audience)
Yoongi might not be able to hear what he's missing out on, but he can see it.
 give me thirty days (to fall in love with you) - kstorms  (Teens and Up)
"Hi! I’m Park Jimin!” when he gets no reaction, Jimin pushes on, a little hesitantly. “As in, your soulmate?”
or
Jimin meets his soulmate, and it doesn't go the way he's planned (nothing ever does, really).
Once Upon A Dream - yururin (Teens and Up)
“Somebody once promised they’d find you, and that they’ll love you more than they already do,” Yoongi murmurs, a smile on his lips when recognition sparks in Jimin’s eyes, “somebody once promised they’d ask you to be theirs when they can finally do so again.”
Jimin doesn’t say anything—just leans into Yoongi’s touch, that same shy smile Yoongi has grown to love still on his face.
“Be mine, Park Jimin?”
(or alternatively: "that yoonmin soulmates AU where you can see a glimpse of your past life on the eve of your 18th birthday and Jimin dreams of a forbidden Joseon era love story with an upperclassman Min Yoongi, popular basketball player in uni, 18384/10 out of his reach".)
Time Lapse - NomNams  (Explicit)
Min Yoongi is a time jumper, and Jimin is tethered to his timeline. Or he's tethered to Jimin's. Who knows. All Yoongi knows, is that no matter where he jumps to, Park Jimin will be waiting. __________
"Give me a reason not to think you're some spy working for the government who plans to..."
"You have a cow lick above your right ear. There's a scar on your right knee cap that you got when you were four falling off a pony in Daegu. You have a birthmark patch low on your left butt cheek, and another on your inner..."
"Fine. Fine. Just... please stop there." Yoongi begged, blushing five shades of red.
Bullet Boy - sugamins  (Explicit)
If you want to make it big, you’ve got to start off small. This is something that Jimin acknowledges, for he just carries on singing features for underground rappers in the hopes of breaking into the mainstream scene even when the lyrics mean nothing to him.
If you want to make it in the scene, you’ve got to fake it in the scene. This is something that Yoongi understands intimately. But he’s never been one to be a poser, and there’s only far stuntin’ can get you before you burn out like the end of a cigarette.
Yoongi finally wants to move on from his bad past and take the gamble so that he can drop his first mixtape as ‘D-boy’, and he can’t think of anyone more perfect to feature on it than rising talent: Park Jimin.
Jimin really wants to break free from nights spent singing at hip hop clubs for a pittance and finally have his name on an official track in the music charts, but he’s going to need some help navigating the brutal world of music contracts and the paparazzi; and being involved in a scandal the likes of which the industry has never seen before.
Multi-Ship (is that even a thing?)
Namjin, Yoonmin and Taekook: 
Nyctophile - yururin  (Mature) 
"Like I said, monsters aren't real, Taehyung."
Jimin quickly pulled the closet doors open.
At the bottom of the closet, sitting on the floor and leaning heavily against the walls, was a man with dark pink hair clad in dark clothes, bleeding and injured and looking positively close to death.
Jimin didn't know what to do.
Craigslist Date - springrain21 (Mature)
Main Ship: Yoonmin
Min Yoongi's family are judgmental and unsupportive of his lifestyle and his mother won't stop nagging him about how he's still single. When he finds Park Jimin on Craigslist offering to pose as someone's fake date to mess with their family, Yoongi can't help himself. What starts as a prank on Yoongi's family turns into something more when the two of them quickly develop feelings for each other. Will Yoongi, who doesn't know how to handle feelings, let his chance at love slip away, or will he go after the silver-haired boy and hold onto him forever?
Inspired by that tumblr post about the guy on Craigslist who you can hire to be your date for Thanksgiving to screw with your family because that post makes me cry laughing every time I see it.
Soulmate? No, Thanks - Bookworming (Teen and Up)
Main Ship: Yoonmin
Min Yoongi has been waiting to have his first colour dream since he was 17 because a dream in colour is the dream of your soulmate, whoever they are. In a world where all humans have only black and white dreams the only colour dreams one gets are those of their soulmate, if they have one. Soulmates get each other's dreams in colour and can speak to them through those dreams, a privilege Yoongi has coveted for a long time. Yoongi has also coveted his best friend Kim Seokjin for a long time but unfortunately for Yoongi, Seokjin's soulmate loves sleeping and occupies his mind in a way Yoongi never does. Park Jimin made the worst mistake of his life by getting drunk and driving himself home one day before his 17th birthday. When he wakes up, things have changed drastically, the biggest change being the sexy voice that interrupted his first pleasant dream in a LONG time.
Yoonminkook, Namjin and Vhope: 
Let Me Know - TheOrgasmicSeke  (Mature) 
Main Ship: Yoonminkook
Talking about it, of course, became harder as the days passed by. Yoongi could never find the right time to bring it up. He was still wondering if he was just imaging things. If he was just thinking he was feeling the things he was feeling. But that was quickly disproved every single time Jimin curled up around him and Jungkook kissed him. He was a fucking idiot in love with two bigger idiots and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. Except probably ruin it by talking about it. Hell, maybe it was better to just never mention it and pretend it wasn't happening.
Namjin, Yoonmin and Vhope:
Can I Get Your Dewey Decimal Number? - melecs  (Teens and Up) (a series)
Seokjin loved working at the library, but some patrons got on his nerves. Take, for example, the grown man who sat in the corner every day and leeched off of the Wi-Fi. And Seokjin worked in the children’s department.
Namjin and Yoonmin:
When life gives you elephants… - tired angry egg (Mirabelle)
(Its a series so each part has a different summary and rating) 
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bloojayoolie · 6 years
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Being Alone, Anaconda, and Apparently: Sweet, friendly, social, gentle, gorgeous & compact, wonderful leash manner, takes treats gently-dog & cat friendly, well trained-Possible thyroid issue underweight-will need loue&ongoing uet care for treatable medical diagnosis 18507-3 years old, 41 lbs aDYBG At Manhattan ACC Waiting ter Leve **** TO BE KILLED - 1/20/2018 **** LOVABLE LOVEBUG IN NEED OF A SECOND CHANCE IN A LOVING HOME <3 A volunteer writes: A gorgeous little gal with the softest 'puppy dog eyes' this side of a motivational poster, sweet young Storm is dog-friendly, cat-friendly, well trained, and sociable. Until recently she was living life to the full and filling her days with doggie play dates and family snuggle time. So why, then, the sad face? It seems some dark clouds rolled in with a (treatable) medical diagnosis, and when her owner couldn't offer the care she needed, Storm came to stay with us. She's an adorable low-rider for sure, but it's what's on the inside that counts. Thanks to her calm nature, friendly manners with all species, sizes and sexes, and the promise of a playful side (she likes squeaky toys!), this tiny charmer has proven she's beautiful both inside and out. She knows how to sit on command, mouths treats very softly and walks wonderfully on leash, and though not clamoring for snuggles, she accepts all handling with a quiet, gentle grace. Lovable with a capital L, Storm deserves only the best for the rest of her long, happy life and we're all hoping that she finds it soon in the arms of a new forever family. STORM@MANHATTAN ACC Hello, my name is Storm My animal id is #18507 I am a female gray dog at the Manhattan Animal Care Center The shelter thinks I am about 3 years old, 41 lbs Came in shelter as owner surrender Jan. 17, 2018 Reason Stated: Animal health - will need ongoing vet care Storm is rescue only Storm is at risk due to medical condition. Storm may have possible kidney or renal disease, but further diagnostics will be necessary to determine diagnosis and treatment plan. Storm has been fearful in care center and should go to an experienced pet family. My medical notes are... Weight: 41.4 lbs Vet Notes L V T Notes 17/01/2018 [DVM Intake] DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: 3 Microchip noted on Intake? Microchip Number (If Applicable): History : Owner surrender. Owner indicated a history of weight loss. Also noted that this dog had been "possibly" diagnosed with hyper-thyroidism by another vet in the recent past. Subjective: BAR, Observed Behavior - timid but gentle on PE Evidence of Cruelty seen - n Evidence of Trauma seen - n Objective T = 101.8 P = 100 R = UR BCS = 3.75/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, MM - pink Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: UR MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: Assessment: Poor body condition but apparently healthy Prognosis: Good Plan: Perform CBC/CHEM + T4 SURGERY: Temporary waiver until blood work is complete 17/01/2018 CBC/CHEM S/O - Mild elevation in Creatinine (2.0), Uremic (39), and electrolyte imbalance (Na 167, Cl 124) T4 - NOT HYPOTHYROID A - Acute renal injury, kidney disease, uroliths P - collect urine and conduct urinanalysis and USG 17/01/2018 [Spay/Neuter Waiver - Medical Condition] Your newly adopted pet has been diagnosed with UTI and the staff veterinarians are issuing a temporary waiver from the spay/neuter requirements of the City of NY. Follow up care at your regular veterinarian is recommended to ensure continued treatment. Your veterinarian will advise you if surgical sterilization is appropriate. 18/01/2018 Hx: owner surrender with history of being underweight; owner reported that she was diagnosed with "hypothyroidism" and has history of being underweight; blood work on intake revealed mild azotemia (crea 2.0, BUN 39) but T4 was normal S/O -QAR, docile, allows all handling -mm pk, tacky; CRT <2 sec -no nasal discharge or sneezing -eupnic, heart/lungs WNL -soft abdomen, no palpable abnormalities; bladder too small to palpate. A 1. Azotemia, r/o pyelonephritis vs dehydration from other systemic illness vs leptospirosis vs chronic renal disease 2. Underweight P -place IVC, start normosol at 60 ml/hr -clavamox 375 mg PO BID x 14 days -recommend recheck renal values in 2 weeks after clavamox is completed; if still persistent, then recommend further work up including urine culture, rickettsial panel +/- abdominal ultrasound 18/01/2018 2 view abdominal radiographs available for review: no radioopaque urinary stones noted, ingesta in stomach, soft/normal fecal material in colon; unable to visualize bladder but was too small to palpate prior to xray; there is decreased detail in the area of the bladder A 1. Decreased detail in area of bladder-r/o secondary to underweight vs inflammation vs focal ascites? P -abdominocentesis negative 19/01/2018 Hx: owner surrender with history of being underweight; owner reported that she was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and has history of being underweight; blood work on intake revealed mild azotemia (crea 2.0, BUN 39) but T4 was normal IVF and Clavamox started yesterday. Eating well overnight. Normal eliminations reported S/O -QAR, docile. Nervous but allows full exam -mm pk, moist; CRT <2 sec -no nasal discharge or sneezing -eupnic, heart/lungs WNL -soft abdomen, no palpable abnormalities; bladder too small to palpate BCS 3/9, MCS 2/3 A 1. Azotemia, r/o pyelonephritis vs dehydration from other systemic illness vs leptospirosis vs chronic renal disease 2. Underweight P cw Normosol at 60 ml/hr cw clavamox 375 mg PO BID x 14 days consider tapering fluids on 1/20 or 1/21 for full 48-72 hour IVF diuresis Details on my behavior are... Behavior Condition: 2. Blue Behavior History Behavior Assessment Upon intake, Storm walked away when I approached her to scan for a microchip. Storm would also back away when I tried to place a leash on her. Storm allowed me to collar her and pet her on the head. After her owner left, and once she was by my side for a few minutes, she allowed me to pet her and carry her into her kennel. Date of Intake: 1/17/2018 Basic Information:: Storm is a 3 year old female gray and white medium mixed breed dog. Storm lived with previous owner for about 1 year. Storm was surrendered because she has ongoing medical concerns that her owner could no longer take care of. Storm has no injuries but may have hyperthyroidism. Previously lived with:: Storm previously lived with 2 adults and 2 children. How is this dog around strangers?: Storm is shy around strangers but will warm up after a few minutes. Storm will allow strangers to approach her and pet her. How is this dog around children?: Storm previously lived with two children aged 3 and 6. Storm is described as being friendly, affectionate and will allow pets. Client noted that Storm's behavior with his children changed in the past month possibly due to her medical condition. Client noted that Storm would snap at his children when they tried to pet her. How is this dog around other dogs?: Storm has interacted with small and large dogs and both male and female dogs. Storm is described as being playful, respectful and tolerant of the other dogs. How is this dog around cats?: Storm has previously interacted with a cat. Storm will sniff the cat but is described as being uninterested and will walk away. Resource guarding:: Storm is not bothered when her food or bowl is touched while she is eating. Storm is also not bothered when a bone, treat or object is taken away from her. Bite history:: Storm has once bitten a family member before. The previous owner noted that this happened about a year ago when he first received Storm. Storm was very shy and growled at the person who was trying to pet her. The person did ignored her growl and tried to pet her anyways and she bit him breaking skin and drawing some blood. Housetrained:: Partially Energy level/descriptors:: Storm has a medium energy level Other Notes:: Storm has never been pushed or pulled off of furniture, been held or restrained, or been bathed. Storm is has only had her nails trimmed at the groomers. Storm is not bothered when an unfamiliar approaches her and her owner. Has this dog ever had any medical issues?: Yes Medical Notes: Storm's previous owner stated she was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in August of 2017/ For a New Family to Know: Storm is a friendly, mellow, and independent dog. When at home, Storm will follow you around an likes to be in the same room as you. Storm likes squeaky toys but is known to destroy them all. Storm was kept as an indoors only dog and was fed a raw diet once a day. Storm was being fed around two pounds of raw food a day. Storm is mostly house-trained. Storm will go outside to potty but a few times a week will urinate inside the house. When left alone, Storm is well behaved and can be left inside of her crate for about 3 hours. For exercise, Storm is taken out for slow walks on the leash about 3 times a day. When off leash, Storm will stay close by your side. Date of intake:: 1/17/2018 Spay/Neuter status:: No Means of surrender (length of time in previous home):: Owner Surrender (In home for 1 year) Previously lived with:: Adults and children (ages 3 and 6) Behavior toward strangers:: Shy at first then warms up. Allows strangers to pet her. Behavior toward children:: Was friendly and affectionate but has recently began to snap when the pet her Behavior toward dogs:: Playful, respectful, and tolerant Behavior toward cats:: Uninterested in them Resource guarding:: None reported Bite history:: Yes, about a year ago a family member reached to pet Storm and she growled. He continued to reach to pet her and she bit his hand, breaking skin Housetrained:: Partially Energy level/descriptors:: Storm is described as friendly, mellow, and independent with a medium level of activity. Summary:: Storm has not yet received a handling assessment due to brief length of stay. While wanting to give adequate time for her to acclimate to the shelter environment before the assessment, her medical condition is pressing and we need to expedite her leaving the shelter for further medical evaluation. This comment is being made to indicate that the lack of SAFER assessment is not due to an inability to handle but rather due to the urgency of addressing the medical condition. Storm has allowed some handling with a slow approach in the care center. Summary (1):: 1/18: When introduced to the male greeter dog on leash, Storm appears overall fearful in the environment and turns away from approach. Date of intake:: 1/17/2018 Summary:: At first, Storm backed away from the counselor. After a little bit, she allowed handling. Date of initial:: 1/17/2018 Summary:: Storm was timid but allowed handling. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: NEW HOPE ONLY Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations:: No children (under 13),Place with a New Hope partner Recommendations comments:: No children: Storm is reported to snap at the children in the home when they tried to pet her. In order to keep children safe and respect Storm's comfort level, we are recommending an adult-only home. Place with a New Hope partner: Due to Storm's bite history and willingness to escalate in situations in which she is uncomfortable, we recommend placement with a New Hope partner who can provide behavior modification before placement into a permanent home. We recommend only force-free, reward-based training for Storm; more aversive methods are likely to increase fear and increase the risk of future aggression. Potential challenges: : Fearful/potential for defensive aggression Potential challenges comments:: Storm has been timid in new situations in the care center, which matches reports from her previous home. Storm's bite history indicates that when uncomfortable she may escalate to a bite. STORM IS RESCUE ONLY…..TO SAVE THIS PUP YOU MUST FILL OUT APPLICATIONS WITH AT LEAST 3 NEW HOPE RESCUES. PLEASE HURRY!!! IF YOU CAN FOSTER OR ADOPT THIS PUP, PLEASE PM OUR PAGE FOR ASSISTANCE. WE CAN PROVIDE YOU WITH LINKS TO APPLICATIONS WITH NEW HOPE RESCUES WHO ARE CURRENTLY PULLING FROM THE NYC ACC. PLEASE SHARE THIS DOG FOR A HOME TO SAVE HER LIFE.
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jesuisdesolee · 5 years
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Firstly, by the permission of the Almighty, a reminder:
Imaam Ibn Seereen (rahimahullaah) said: 'Indeed, This knowledge Is Deen, So Look To The One You Take Your Deen From'
If anyone has been recommended any writings by Sayyid Qutb or has read his writings, I think it would be good to share some information on this author that benefitted myself and may in shaa Allaah be a benefit to whoever may stumble across this, may Allaah grant us all success and have mercy on all the believers.
Note: this has been copied and pasted from an article; the full of which can be found in the link provided at the end of the post.
Clarification Regarding Mistakes and Innovations of Sayyid Qutb:
His rebuke and censure of the Prophet of Allaah, Moosaa (alaihis-salaam) and making him the object of ridicule. Sayyid Qutb said, in at-Tasweer al-Fannee fil-Qur'aan: "Let us take Moosaa - he is the example of the fiery, excitable leader [quotes Qasas 28:15] and here his zealous , excitable spirit appeared, just as his emotions in favour of his nation were shown; but this emotional impulse quickly passed away - and he regained his composure - and this is what happens with the excitable folk. [Quotes Qasas 28:15-17, 18] - and this change shows a well-known manifestation, that of one who is afraid, distressed and expecting evil in every moment - and this is also the sign of the excitable (folk). Then along with this and along with the fact that he promissed that he would not aid the wrongdoers - then let us see what he did [quotes Qasas 28:18]. He desired to attack the other man just as he did the day before, and his zeal and emotion led him to forget his having sought forgiveness, his regret, his fear and his anxious watchfulness... So let us leave him here, to meet him again, at a second period in his life, ten years later. So perhaps he had calmed down and became a man who was of calm nature and gentle-natured. No indeed! So here he was, being called from the right hand side of the mountain: that he should throw down his staff, so he threw it down and it became a snake - moving quickly, he hardly saw it before he jumped and ran, not looking back and not turning aside... he was the same highly strung youth... ..."
His rebuke and censure of the Companions of Allaah's Messenger (sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) , especially Uthmaan (radiallaahu anhu). [The way of the Rawaafid] On this issue he was corrected and refuted by Mahmood Shaakir in his lifetime but he maintained his position and did not recant. His refusal is in the magazine ar-Risaalah vol 977 in the year 1952. This was after Mahmood Shaakir wrote four treatise against him the titles of three of them being: hukmun bilaa bayyinah, laa tasubboo ashaabee, al-alsinatu al-muftireen. They were published in the magazine al-Muslimoon starting in Muharram of the year 1372 hijri. In spite of this he still allowed the book 'Al-Adaalat ul-Ijtimaa'iyyah' to be published before his death.
He said in the aforementioned book for example: "Indeed, it was a truly a trial that Alee was not the third of the Rightly Guided Caliphs" (p.191 5th edn & p.162 12th edn.) "And we tend to the opinion that the khilaafah of Alee was the natural extension of the khilaafah of the two shaikhs [i.e. Abu Bakr and Umar] and that the era of Uthmaan was merely a gap in between" (p.206 5th edn.) "And it is unfortunate that the khilaafah came to Uthmaan when he was an old man; his determination had weakened and did not reach the goals intended by Islaam; and his resolve was too weak to steadfastly face the plots of Marwaan and plots of Umayyah beyond that." (p.186 5th edn.) "The Companions saw this deviation from the spirit of Islaam, and would call one another to al-Madeenah to save Islaam and to save Islaam from the trial; and the khalifah - in his old age, and his state brought about by advanced age - did not possess control of his affair to the expense of Marwaan. It is difficult to accuse the spirit of Islaam in the person of Islaam, but it is likewise difficult to pardon him for the error of the unfortunate occurrence of his taking the khilaafah whilst he was a weakened old man, who was surrounded by evil courtiers from Banu Umayyah..." (p.189 5th edn and its meaning is on p.161 of the 12th edn.)
His declaration of all societies to be disbelievers without exception. [The way of the Khawaarij]
And this is confirmed by Yoosuf al-Qardaawi in his book - The Priorities of the Islamic Movement (p.110) where he explains that the books of Sayyid Qutb appeared in which Qutb performs takfeer of all societies and in which he announces a destructive jihaad against the whole of mankind.
His saying that the Qur'aan is created. [The saying of the Jahmiyyah].
His saying that existence is one (wahdatul wujood). [The way of the Soofiyyah]
In his explanations of Surah Ikhlaas and also the beginning of Surah Hashr. He said, for example, in his Zilaal (6/4002): "Verily it is a single existence, and there is no other reality save that of His, and there is no true and real existence save His - and every other existing thing then its existence is an extension of His existence ... and when this perception becomes firmly established, the one which sees nothing in existence except the reality of Allaah..."
And in some of his other books, Sayyid Qutb affirms this and also praises the Soofees and their actions
He said in his Zilaal (6/3291): "And there are a people who worship Allaah, because they thank him for His favours which they cannot count - and behind this worship, they do not look for Paradise or Hellfire, nor to pleasure or punishment at all..."
His saying of the divine indwelling (hulool) and also Jabr (mankind having no free will - being compelled to act). [The way of the Jabariyyah].
His denial of some of the Attributes of Allaah in the way and style of the Jahmiyyah. [The way of the Mu'attilah]
For example his denial of Istiwaa by explaining it away - that it is merely an allegorical expression as he said in his Zilaal (3/1762) and also in many other places such as: (1/53), (/1/54), (3/1296), (4/2045), (5/2807)
And likewise his denial of the Meezaan (Scales) in the way and style of the Jahmiyyah (4/2481)
His attacks on the Miracles of the Messenger (sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) .
His refusal of the acceptance of ahaad hadeeth in matters of Aqeedah. [The way of the Mu'tazilah]
He said in his Zilaal (6/4008): "And the Aahaad hadeeth are not to be taken in the matters of aqeedah, the source is the Qur'aan - and something being mutawaatir is a condition [that has to be fulfilled] in accepting hadeeth in the issues of belief..." And in this he is more astray than the Ash'arees
His denial of the magic that was practiced upon the Messenger (sallallaahu alayhi wasallam)
His denial that Eesaa (as) was raised to the heaven
His claim that the point of dispute between the Messenger and the Pagans was with respect to Tawheed ur-Ruboobiyyah only and that Tawheed ul-Uloohiyyah is but Tawheed ur-Ruboobiyyah.
He said in his Zilaal (4/1846): "Then the issue of Uloohiyyah was not the point of difference, indeed, it was the issue of Ruboobiyyah which the messages (of the Messengers) addressed. And this was what the final message was addressing also."
His claim that the Sifaat (Attributes of Allaah) are but mere imaginations (takhyeel).
And for those who call for Haakimiyyah and raise its banner high, then it is well known to the lowest student of knowledge that the Haakimiyyah of Allaah Azzawajall applies even more so to His Essence, His Names and Attributes [as well as His Sharee'ah etc.] So the one who does not judge - in the matters related to knowledge about Allaah - by what Allaah has revealed - then it is more befitting for him to be labelled a rejector of the Haakimiyyah of Allaah Azzawajall. What is required is justice and fair speech and speaking the truth, even if it be against one's own soul - and applying the fundamental principles of Islamic Belief justly and fairly to every individual that they apply to - and this is a sign of a Muslims honesty, integrity and love for the Revelation of Allaah.
His refusal to pray Salaatul-Jumu'ah with the justification that there is no khilaafah at the present time.
Alee Ashmaawee says in his book: "The Secret History of Ikhwaan ul-Muslimeen" (at-Taareekh as-Sirree li-Jamaa'atil-Ikhwaan il-Muslimeen): "And the time for the Jumu'ah prayer arrived so I said to him: 'Let us leave and pray' and it was a surprise that I came to know - and for the first time - that he did not used to pray Jumu'ah" (p.112)
His speaking with "Hurriyatul-I'tiqaad" [The Freedom of Belief] - meaning that people can be left upon the religion that they are upon. [So Christians should be left as Christians - Jews as Jews etc...] - Shaikh Ibn Uthaimeen was asked 'What do you say about the one who speaks with Hurriyatul-I'tiqaad?' The Shaikh replied: 'The one who allows Hurriyatul I'tiqaad - that a person can believe in whatever religion he wishes is a Kaafir...'. NOTE: TAKFEER IS NOT BEING MADE HERE - Since even though someone utters something which necessitates disbelief, the conditions have to be fulfilled and the preventive barriers [mawaani'] have to be removed before the verdict of disbelief can be issued and that is for the Ulamaa' alone - BUT THIS IS TO SHOW THE NATURE OF QUTB'S IGNORANCE OF FUNDAMENTAL ISSUES OF THE RELIGION. Shaikh al-Albaanee commented about Qutb that he is merely a writer (adeeb), lacking in Islamic knowledge.
"For Islam does not desire the freedom of worship for its followers only, rather it affirms this right for all the different religions and it tasks the Muslims to fight and defend this right for all people and it [even] allows them to fight under this flag, the flag which guarantees the freedom of worship for the adherents of all other religions...so that it is realised that it is a free world order... (Nahwa Mujtami' Islaamee p.105)
"And Islaam does not feel uneasy about the differences of mankind in aqeedah and manhaj, rather it considers this as something necessitated by natural disposition and a goal from ahgher will in life amongst the people...(Nahwa Mujtami' Islamee p.103)"
His speaking about the Qur'an with mere personal opinion. There are 181 mistakes in matters of aqeedah and issues of knowledge in his Fi zilaal il-Quraan as pointed out by Shaik Abdullaah bin Muhammad as-Dawaish in his book, Al-Mawrid uz-Zilaal fit-Tanbeeh alaa Akhtaa'a az-Zilaal and as the saying goes: Al-Lamsu wal-Basar khairun min as-Sam'i wal-khabr.
For a full and excellent refutation of Sayyid Qutb refer to the following books by the Shaikh Rabee' bin Haadee al-Madkhalee, which have been recommended by Shaikh Ibn Uthaimin, Shaikh Bin Baz and others.
1. Adwaa al-Islaamiyyah alaa Aqeedati Sayyid Qutb
2. Mataa'in Sayyid Qutb fis-Sahaabah
3. Al-Awaasim mimmaa fee kutub Sayyid Qutb minal-Qawaasim
4. Al-Hadd ul-Faasil bainal-Haqq wal-Baatil
After reading these it should become clear to the one who is free from ta'assub and hizbiyyah that Sayyid Qutub is most certainly not a mujaddid, in the league of the likes of Ibn Taymiyyah as is ignorantly propagated by many.
[Source]
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