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uzis-dopeaf-hat · 18 days

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Analysis of Nuzi in Episode 7

[MAJOR MURDER DRONES SPOILERS]

Okay! I've been wanting to rant about these two for ages so I'm happy to get this out haha. I'll try to make this post a little more comprehensible than the last one (no promises).

I'll try to keep this in chronological order.

So before I move ahead, let me get this out of the way.

N still cares about V, but I don't think he's thought about her in a romantic sense since at most, the end of episode 3. He absolutely sees her as family and deeply cares for her. Hence why he immediately starts freaking out and attacking the rubble blocking the elevator shaft.

He is desperately trying to get his family back.

So desperately that he unintentionally hurts someone else he immensely cares for.

He forgets about Uzi's condition in his blind panic, but upon remembering he becomes almost ridden with guilt. Uzi likely already feels terrible because of the loss of V and not being able to do anything to help N since she physically is unable to at this moment. It seems N understands this and tries to remedy this by telling Uzi "It's okay," and apologizing profusely.

He doesn't want Uzi to put anything else on her shoulders and backtracks so fast here.

And when Uzi tells N she's sorry, for both N's loss of V and her own inability to help N get back up the elevator shaft, she sounds so upset for N. There's nothing she can do for him here, and she knows this.

It's almost amusing how N gives "Tessa" a death glare here. As the series has gone on N has become less and less of a pushover, no doubt because of Uzi. If N had run into Tessa in any episode from 1-3. it would have been easier for Cyn to manipulate him.

But because she waited so long, N has built such a genuinely healthy and stable relationship with Uzi. One where both parties mutually care about each other and treat each other like equals (which should be normal but of course, this isn't the case for N or Uzi).

But something else to be noted here is the regression of both Uzi and N's characters at this moment.

Because while N is definitely making progress on standing his ground, and letting his own opinions be known, he is still faced with a non-choice. Instead of immediately deciding to question his old friend, he tries to compromise.

It's an old behavior met with an old friend vs a new behavior met with a new friend. He is trying to still somewhat appease "Tessa" while making it known that he isn't willing to hurt Uzi. But he never discusses this with Tessa herself aside from this moment, where he does so with Uzi present and out of the loop.

Let's take a look at Uzi's reaction when N tells her they won't hurt her.

She is scared.

Her eyes dart back and forth between the duo in front of her, putting her hand up in defense to try and subconsciously protect herself.

She doesn't understand what is happening, but she isn't stupid. She knows this means something happened- something regarding her, that's been decided on without her knowledge or input.

And with how much we like to joke about how dopey N is, he does seem very emotionally intelligent at times, especially here. He realizes his mistake immediately, his placating expression of trying to reassure Uzi drawing back as he drags his hand back, startled at her negative reaction.

After the solver accidentally activates from Uzi (unsure if Cyn activated it on purpose or if Uzi herself activated it by accident because of her distress- I can see both being factors), N tries to reach out to her. To bring her back to his side, to him.

He holds his palm upwards to her, physically trying to tell her 'I am here, with you, let me help.' And as he steps towards her, she moves away from him.

Uzi's trust in him has been damaged. She is scared and instead of letting N help her, or allowing him to try and explain what's happening, she hunches over and guards herself from him. She isolates herself, their relationship crumbling like the cave around them.

And N? Once Uzi is out of his view? His hand switches from welcoming to pleading. As in, he reaches out to her, trying to get her back even if he doesn't actually do anything to make it so. He is reeling from what he's done to make her feel like she can no longer trust him, to come to him for his aid. His demeanor is now 'Please wait, come back, don't leave me, I am sorry.'

Maybe not exactly those words, but it's obvious that he doesn't want her to leave. So much so that he forgets to even protect himself (or even "Tessa") from the debris falling around them.

When N wakes up, he immediately tries to free himself and desperately calls for Uzi.

And yes, Uzi is his first thought. He doesn't know where she is, or if she's okay, but his first instinct is to find her, because 'is she okay? Where is she, where are you?' is definitely what N is thinking when trying to find her, even though he can't move.

N is distressed, and after not being able to attract Uzi back to him via shouting, he gets ready to saw off his own arm.

He isn't just saying "I deserve this," because he chopped off Uzi's arm in the last episode, although that is part of it. He's saying he deserves this because he drove Uzi off, didn't confide in her, let her know what was happening, and scared her off in the process.

He is also sawing at the arm that he had held Uzi's hand with -- once again, the same hand that he sliced off to try and stop the solver. Interesting parallel there (at least it's another thing they have in common...?). His hand is absolutely crushed. That's not an accident, the team deliberately shows this -- and this is the result of N's actions (or lack thereof).

...sucks that both hands that had held each other are now destroyed (that's not me trying to be philosophical, just me being sad).

Cut here, and N is immediately ready to tell Uzi what he's learned, sprinting to find her. Probably due to the fact that he's discovered that his crush's mother is still alive but...

When told not to inform Uzi of Nori's existence by the woman herself, N upright denies her request; he's learned from his previous mistake and that lying (via omission) is not something he's going to do, especially not with Uzi.

And while certain information may hurt Uzi, he never wants what happened with Uzi to happen again. He doesn't want her to be afraid of him, or unsure of his intentions because N just wants to help and support her in any and every way he can.

He only relents that he won't tell Uzi, as long as Nori does. This is a bit different from the situation with "Tessa" since A) Nori is Uzi's mother, she really should be the one telling Uzi about her maternal status, and B) He is expecting her to actually inform Uzi of this. Not a "maybe, if needed," situation, a "you can wait until you're ready, but you will tell her," situation.

Back with "Tessa," N finally confronts her, giving her one chance and one chance only.

And Tessa, not used to this new version of N, does not heed his warning, and is promptly dealt with.

N is pissed... and it makes sense as to why. "Tessa" is attempting to force N to kill his best friend, the first one to really talk to him after who knows how long of being stuck with V ignoring him and J berating him.

Uzi has her own bite, but it's never in a way meant to harm or insult N. That's just how she is, and she and N have an excellent bond as the series moves forward.

Tessa is jeopardizing this, mocking him, and calling him "cute," and even tries to monologue to him. But N doesn't let her, because she's already made him hurt Uzi enough and he's at his last leg here. He's done.

And he's still shaken from killing Tessa.

He went full disassembly mode, maybe to make it easier, to kill her.

He is actively struggling, breathing heavily, and having to use the blade he beheaded Tessa with to hold himself up.

Despite this, when "Uzi" grabs at the patch, he snaps out of his stupor to address her. Trying to cope with what just happened. He calls her "buddy," which he really only calls her once in episode three when referring to both of them as "dapper buddies."

Just something interesting to point out, since Cyn took control of Uzi immediately after N "got rid of her body "killed" her. He's called Cyn "buddy," before (although, he called the birds trying to kill him buddies as well, so not sure how that pans out).

When he says it here it almost feels like a coping mechanism. Trying to take care of his loved ones in any way he can. Also, note how he still has an 'x' as an optic. Likely due to the stress he's been put through.

Once he somewhat collects himself, he attempts to tell Uzi that all he needs is her, and for them to stay together.

Their short time away from each other did not favor them. N admits to both himself and Uzi that he doesn't like being away from her and that he needs her to be by his side.

And Uzi definitely could've used him when she found the recording of her mother.

It's a bit harder to analyze Uzi's moments since a lot of it is just herself dealing with her own issues. This is still important, but not a lot of it deals with N, aside from the fact that, yes, N being here would've been preferable (unless I missed some stuff in the middle of this episode).

Cyn reveals herself, having taken control of Uzi, and we really see how sinister she can be.

Make no mistake, that is indeed a heart around Uzi, formed with Cyn's... claw... like appendages.

This is also deliberately put here by the team because they do not want us to doubt N's feelings for Uzi (it gets a lot more heavy-handed, too).

But the most important part here is N's reaction to seeing Uzi. When Cyn turns and shows Uzi's face, N visibly falters, expression growing more upset. He doesn't shoot her. Cyn notices this and smiles because she now sees the advantage she has over N.

And boy, does she take advantage.

This is probably my favorite part of this entire combat scene. N tries to essentially threaten Cyn here from further hurting Nori, trying to get her to back off.

Except, Cyn sees this as an opportunity to toy with him.

Maybe I'll one day do an analysis on Cyn, but she takes active pleasure in seeing N's suffering. When he holds his blade to her neck, he actually takes a moment to look at Cyn in the face, waiting for her next move.

And Cyn grabs that blade and slowly starts jabbing it into Uzi's neck. Because this is who N is now seeing: he is seeing Cyn hurt Uzi and he doesn't know what to do.

You see him visibly gasp, as he notices what Cyn's doing, and is still unable to make himself move (unless, of course, N is now actively trying to get the blade away from Uzi, but it doesn't seem like that's what's happening here).

Scratch that, while it's not immediately obvious, there are minuscule movements of the blade after Cyn starts stabbing Uzi - like N is trying to get it away from Uzi's neck while keeping eye contact with Cyn. He may still be seeing Uzi instead of Cyn at this moment (likely struggling between the two).

Something else to point out is that N is shaking even before Cyn grabs the blade. If you look at the tip of the weapon it's easier to tell. Again, chalking it up to not wanting to actually hurt Uzi.

This is a very nice parallel back to episode three. Aside from the hand-chopping part. Lots of limbs have been lost recently.

Ignoring the fact N was just raining fire down on Uzi, which is one of two times (don't quote me on that) he gets properly lethal, he tries hard here to not hurt her- almost like he's trying to get Uzi back in control.

It's hard to see here, but N is actually smiling as he holds Uzi's hand. Probably similar to what he does later - he is trying to remind Uzi of herself. Aside from the eyes, it feels like Uzi is reacting to this, looking surprised, before Nori takes her hand off to stop Cyn from creating more pockets of voids and closing the current ones.

But Cyn isn't done yet.

Once again, she uses N's affections against him to save herself. But in doing so, she allows N to finally crack through to Uzi, even if not by much.

It's comical that this is what helps Uzi gain control again, although what else would we expect? Even so, probably another favorite moment of mine.

Again, if anyone was doubting Nuzi... the team cannot get more obvious than this. Until we get an outright verbal confession... which is yet to be seen, sadly enough.

Unsure if N knew this would help Uzi or if he just wanted to let Nori know about him and Uzi before she died. This may just be him being lovesick for his possessed girlfriend.

Jokes aside, a lot of people took this as N saying they've been dating since episode five. I don't... think that's necessarily the case. I keep seeing the phrase "she fell first, but he fell harder," when discussing Nuzi and honestly? Yeah, he did. But dating since before episode six? That doesn't make sense, since we've been following their relationship since episode one, and it's not like it's irrelevant to the story. It's actually a huge part of Murder Drones, romantic or not, so any developments like the two dating would make more sense to happen in front of the audience and actually be addressed.

I think this is more of him sort of declaring his love for Uzi, in the most N way he can.

Ahh... although the dating part may be a bit irrelevant due to their predicament. They are both somewhat aware of how the other feels but have yet to discuss anything as Uzi states later. Likely due to uh, certain events happening around them.

When N sees Uzi come to, he starts laughing because of how relieved he is. And then promptly screams in horror at Uzi's next actions (I'm sure Nori is fine).

A small thing, but I thought it was an interesting reaction to have after having fought the previously possessed girl.

I think the fact that the two defaulted to freaking out after seeing each other is really sweet, funnily enough.

The way the two immediately start bantering, almost frantically, makes it feel like the two are looking for some sort of familiarity after all that's been happening. Moving instinctively closer to each other. Yes, maybe so they don't have to shout; but more importantly, after everything they've gone through, they want to be near each other.

And when they meet in the middle? They embrace each other, Uzi tightening her own hold and weeping into N's arm. N himself petting and caressing Uzi's head, both to comfort her and reassure himself that she is finally here with him.

...unfortunately, that is not the end of this post, nor the episode (as you've probably guessed).

After Cyn interrupts and attacks the duo, she descends into her pit of hell where she plans on dragging them.

You can see Uzi desperately trying to reach N, trying to get him to respond. That is her only goal in this moment, making sure that he is okay and alive.

I feel as if I am repeating myself... but yes, that heart is also purposeful. It's interesting how the tentacles split after forming, proceeding to drag N and Uzi apart with Uzi grasping at the ground trying to get back to N.

It literally tears them away from each other, and you can see how Uzi is forced to let go only to try and grab ahold of N.

She manages just in time to grab him, while impaling her hand onto some bones sticking up from the fleshy pit to stop both herself and N from falling further.

And we know this isn't a painless process, as drones have been shown to actively show pain. She doesn't care, she is doing all she can to save N, even if it hurts her. You can see how her arm starts ripping apart from her own hand as tentacles begin pulling harder.

But when Uzi sees N wake up, she gives him a smile, with a small, shakey, "Hey."

She knows they're likely about to die. And while N may have clones, Uzi does not. And even so, there's no way Cyn would allow N to remember anything that's happened, Uzi's firewall likely only protecting this N.

And as her final words she begins to thank him. For being her first friend. The first to believe in her. The first to show concern to her. The first to stay with her despite everything.

But when she sees that key?

She finishes thanking her first love and throws him away from their shared doom.

Uzi is genuinely so glad she's met N, and it shows in her expression here. She is saving the one good thing that has happened to her since her mom left her.

She knows N isn't going to be okay with this, that this won't be easy for him, and won't be easy for her, as she's assuming her own death in saving him.

Because of this, she doesn't want N's last memory of her to be herself being scared and unsure. So she tells him to "Die Mad," and flings him out of the chapel to both prevent him from attempting to save her and witnessing her death.

And you can see N was ready to jump in, determined to get her back and to save her. He uses his blades once again as a crutch, flaring his wings out in preparation to fly towards her.

Uzi doesn't let him, and for the last time pushing him away to save him from their once-shared fate.

I think Uzi's message to N will come into play later when they inevitably confront Cyn for the last time. Whether or not Uzi is there with him, he won't be able to forgive Cyn for controlling him and hurting him along with his loved ones.

And... that's the post! ending on a sad note but uh... we are talking about episode seven so there's no avoiding that haaaah.

If I missed something or you want further discussion feel free to send an ask or reply/respond to this post, love talking about shit.

Take a Nuzi dancing gif to go (I'm also sad now so this is really an excuse to put this at the end of my post).

Have a good one!

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777-maple · 4 months

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How I manifest everything

From someone who has been doing this for 3 years.

Table of context

1. EXCESS POTENTIAL

2. DO NOT GIVE A FUCK

3. FIND THE METHOD THAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU

4. DISCIPLINE

5. YOU DO NOT NEED TO DO MORE

6. 4V1

7. HOW NEGATIVES ARE ACTUALLY HUGE SIGNS

8. AFFIRMATION TAPES

EXCESS POTENTIAL:

Every time I've been overly fixated on manifesting something, it never quite works out. I've come to realize that relying solely on a manifestation for happiness creates a sense of lack. So, when the manifestation seems elusive, and I start feeling hopeless, I remind myself that I can find happiness independent of that specific outcome. I can be content right now and for the rest of my life, even if this thing never materializes.

Take the scenario of people manifesting their significant others. Relying entirely on that person for happiness isn't healthy. Even outside the realm of manifestation, your partner shouldn't be your sole source of joy. If the idea of not having them makes you believe you'll never be happy again, it's time to shift focus. Instead of obsessing over manifesting them back, it's about working on your self-concept and having a healthier perspective on relationships. I love my boyfriend, but if he left suddenly, I'd be sad, not thinking my life is over. It's about having a mindset that even if this particular thing doesn't work out, I'm still deserving of happiness and that happiness will come to me one way or another. And this may seem counterintuitive, however this is not me saying that you won’t manifest your desire and that you should be okay with that. I am saying that you need to be happy with or without because the 3d should never dictate your happiness.

DO NOT GIVE A FUCK:

Mastering manifesting requires not caring about the drama in the 3D world. Imagine unwanted things happening, and you just shrug it off, saying, "I don’t give a fuck." Add a bonus of "This will work out anyway." If your specific person hasn't replied, don't panic. Embrace the "IDGAF" mindset. "I don't give a fuck that they haven't texted back; they love me, and they'll reach out any minute now." After dropping this wisdom, distract yourself from the negativity. Watch a show, dance, listen to music—anything to divert attention. It's about cutting the drama and letting the universe do its thing. Repeat this as many times as necessary.

I applied this recently when two friends were dating, and I believed they weren't right for each other and I hated the way she treated him. Despite seeing them be all couplely in the 3d, I persisted in imagining their breakup. I would affirm occasionally “They are in the process of breaking up, I know that they’re about to break up”. After a week, they stopped hanging out, and eventually, they unfollowed each other. It took about two weeks.

FIND THE METHOD THAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU:

Honestly, none of the typical manifestation methods clicked with me. Affirmations gave me a headache, visualization overwhelmed me, meditation wasn't my go-to, and scripting bored me. So why don’t I like the holy grail of robotic affirmations? I appreciate affirmations, but I can't do them robotically 24/7; it's too stressful. I tried robotic affirming for two years without success. The key is finding a method you enjoy, not just focusing on its efficiency. If you don't enjoy your chosen method, find one that brings you joy. I have seen probably hundreds of robotic affirmation success stories, but since I never enjoyed affirming 24/7 it never worked for me. Ill get into my preferred method in a bit. But find one you enjoy.

DISCIPLINE:

Discipline used to be a challenge, but I realized it's crucial for manifesting. I stay disciplined by choosing a method, setting a 90-day goal, and eliminating distractions. I unsubscribed from manifestation coaches, delete twitter, tumblr, fb, and block tarot readers. Manifestation shouldn't become a distraction. Don’t let manifestation become your new Netflix. I no longer follow my favorite manifestation coaches, not because I dislike them, but because they served their purpose. I honestly do believe this step is crucial but a lot of people may not want to do it.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO DO MORE:

One day, it hit me that I rarely entertain opposing thoughts like “This won't work.” Instead, I find myself thinking, “I need to do more for this to work.” Identifying your specific limiting belief is crucial. In my case, I fell into a cycle of trying new methods because I believed I needed to do more. The pattern went like this: new method -> progress -> less progress/opposite results -> need to add a new method -> progress -> burnout -> giving up. Manifesting operates effortlessly 24/7, so consciously manifesting should be the same. Pick one method, stick to it, and trust it.

1v4:

Here's the affirming method I swear by (shoutout to GOATEDMANIFESTING on YouTube and TikTok– the only coach I actually care about and relate to 100%). I maintain a mental diet by monitoring my thoughts throughout the day. If a negative thought contradicts what I'm manifesting, I stop myself and affirm the positive opposite four times. For instance, if I think "He's getting bored of me," I counter it with affirmations like "No, he loves spending time with me; he's always excited to be around me." Repeat that four times, let go, and continue with what you were doing, all while keeping an eye on your thoughts. It's like facing four opponents in a fight – depending on the strength of the limiting belief, it might take some hits. If four people keep beating you up, even if you survive the first round, you would eventually give up.

HOW NEGATIVES ARE ACTUALLY HUGE SIGNS:

Everything only has meaning if you give it meaning. After observing the process of manifesting something new multiple times, I've noticed I often hit a sort of rock bottom. In the beginning, it involved a few days of confidence followed by uncertainty and worry. But persisting through it always led to improvement and successful manifestation. I've learned to assign a new meaning to these tough days – they're a massive sign that what I'm doing is imprinting on my subconscious. It's like my subconscious is "fighting back" against this foreign idea, but if I persist, it'll absorb and manifest. The resistance might show up as opposing dreams, intrusive thoughts, or even the opposite appearing in the 3D. Take it as a sign that after persisting, your subconscious will be impressed and manifest. Just stand firm during this time. Stand on business.

AFFIRMATION TAPES

This is my preferred method but imma just link a video that explains it better than I ever could plus I am tired of writing.

youtube

CONCLUSION

There is so so much more I have learned like how I don’t listen to depressing music anymore just shit that makes me feel confident, motivated or happy.

I have been obsessed with law of assumption for 3 whole years now and I know I still got a lot more to learn however this shit got me movement with my sp in 9 days after 2 years of hot and cold. It got me an A in my college algebra class even though it should be a B. It got my friend to end it with his toxic girlfriend. It got my other friend to end shit with her toxic best friend. I change my appearance and my confidence is through the roof and this is the first time in a while where I am completely content with my life.

There is a lot more I could talk about but thats for another day, these are just the main 7 points.

#law of assumption #manifestation #manifesting #affirmations #manifesation #loassumption

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sirfrogsworth · 3 months

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Very personal question so I understand if you don't want to answer. Did your diagnosis feel like a relief, socially? Mine isn't the same, but on one hand I feel relieved to have an "excuse" for being so friggin tired all the time. Society can't "morally" call me weak or lazy anymore. I can actually get some of the rest I need, without people judging me as harshly for it. No one's going to smack a chemo patient and tell me to be productive at all times... I find it sad that I have to have a justification for being exhausted. Nothing's really changed besides a label, but I'm suddenly allowed to feel like shit when I wasn't before.

I have a weird relationship with my diagnosis.

CFS doesn't have a blood test. It doesn't have a genre of specialists who are trained with a specific diagnostic protocol. The only CFS specialists are doctors who took it upon themselves to learn more about the condition and then self-label as specialists. Which unfortunately means there is a high rate of CFS quacks.

To get a diagnosis you have to go to every doctor you can think of, in every specialty you can think of, and gather negative diagnoses like Pokemon. And once you have ruled everything out, you have to find a doctor that kinda/sorta knows what CFS is, and they will officially declare you have tried everything and *probably* have CFS.

And even though most people with CFS are 99.9999% sure they have CFS, there is still that anxiety in the back of our minds that can't help but doubt.

Then there is the social stigma (which is improving) where new people you encounter, doctors, and sometimes even close friends and family, will very much doubt you have the illness. They might think you are being dramatic. Or you are exaggerating. Or they will think you have depression for years and shock your brain. They will think "Well, I get tired too." Or they won't believe there is nothing you can do about it. They still have that mindset "If I had that, I could get better." Or they will think, "If I had that, I could push through it with my epic constitution and boomer work ethic."

So, honestly, I am still kind of waiting for my diagnosis in a way. Every year or so an article will drop saying "The CFS blood test is almost here!" and then no further details. That damned blood test has been coming every year for like 15 years now. It's like cold fusion.

But I will say, when something else is wrong with me and there is a definitive test or a firm diagnosis from a proper specialist—that definitely feels like a relief. I am so tired of my body manifesting medical mysteries that even when something is terribly wrong with me, if I know exactly what it is, I am almost chuffed about it.

Doctor: The blood tests came back and you have life threatening sepsis. We will need to perform surgery to remove a giant piece of your back skin.

Me: Neat!

True story. (Warning: Very gross)

When I took my sleep study nap test and they were like, "Yep, you got narcolepsy as well." I was so happy that I had a "real" illness that I could use to convince doubters I was sick. Unfortunately everyone thinks narcolepsy is just falling asleep at weird times and they don't understand it much beyond that. So that wasn't as helpful as I initially hoped.

Now that Long COVID is causing serious cases of CFS, I have noticed a few people taking it a bit more seriously. But I have two uncles who think I am weak and lazy and was just mooching off my parents for 20 years. And apparently I have been disowned from that side of the family because of it.

But if that blood test ever actually happens I will come back to this post and let you know.

I'm sorry you required a diagnosis for people to take you seriously. But I hope your treatment is successful and you can just be healthy and not have to worry about stigmas. I'm rooting for you. Get that rest and take care of yourself.

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mazeinthemiroh · 2 years

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How would ateez react when they find out their s/o is skipping meals and trying to hide it from them? (If your not comfortable writing about it that's totally okay)

ateez reactions to finding out their s/o is skipping meals

genre: angst, comfort

word count: 0.9k

warnings: touches on very delicate topics and is generally upsetting, mentions of an eating disorder, mentions of body dysmorphia

author's notes: thank you for your request. to anyone who is skipping meals, i hope you feel better in yourself. i hope you have someone to talk to about this and listen to you, because this is something that should be helped and not hidden. staying healthy is the most important thing. my heart goes out to you, and i am sending lots of love to you all.

hongjoong

feels guilty. so guilty. because maybe if he spent more time with you? had more time to share with you and catch up with you and make sure you were okay? maybe then, with him by your side and not being as busy with work, you wouldn't be in this situation. he goes down a spiral of regret and blames himself. he just feels absolutely horrible, and thinks he has failed you as a boyfriend. as a partner and a friend. he will try to but all these negative feelings aside as he focuses on comforting you, but he doesn't hide it well. you catch sight of his lower lip trembling.

"i won't ever let this happen again, not on my watch."

seonghwa

hates himself for not seeing it coming before. because after finding out you have been skipping meals, things started to click in his head. he started to make sense of it all: all the times you said weren't hungry even though you stomach was rumbling loudly; all the times you cancelled dates with him last minute if they had anything to do with eating out; all the times you would make him a meal for when he got home from work, saying to him you had already eaten before. he felt so stupid, so awful. he wishes he could turn back time and fix what he could've done.

"i'm so, so sorry, jagi. i will try and do better for you."

yunho

he feels so lost. and never wants to leave your side again. he just feels like he has been totally blind. have you really felt this way about yourself? is this really what you've been driven to? to the point where you are skipping meals? he doesn't want to believe it. he wants to flat at refuse that, no, you would never do that. would you? he feels so concerned that all he can think of doing is hugging you close to his chest, letting a shaky breathe out as he racks his brains for solutions.

"i'll cook for you yeah? i'm not letting you go without a meal, baby. i will help you."

yeosang

so confused. feels almost... betrayed? just by the fact that you had been hiding such a big thing from him. but after thinking it over, he realises that, in your situation, with your feelings, he would probably do the same. still, he gets quite emotional over this, wanting nothing more than just to bundle you up in his arms and reassure you that you are absolutely flawless to him. he wants nothing more than for you to be healthy and happy. healthiness and happiness coincide, in his mind.

"you are perfect. you are so perfect. never forget that."

san

it breaks his heart when he finds out. he wears a broken expression on his face as he listens to you finally explain, through many tears, that you have been skipping meals more frequently. he looks really hurt, really downhearted. his heart aches because he knows of your insecurities. he just had no idea you were driven to this point. pulls you in for a hug and nuzzles into your neck, starting to cry along with you. he had a death grip on you, there's no way he's letting go after this.

"you can't do this to yourself, you just... can't."

mingi

this is very unknown territory for him. he is quite knowledgeable about mental health in general, compared to most. but eating disorders and body dysmorphia is something he has never considered before. all he does know is that he has this overwhelming need to help you. a protectiveness. a boyfriend instinct. a conviction of his heart urging him to support you in any way he can. he will give you lots of cuddles and kisses and all the love you need, saying he will be there to help you through this.

"i'm going to support you through this no matter what. i love you so much, jagi. you have no idea."

wooyoung

he catches you throwing your dinner away. tahst how he finds out. "what are you doing?" he'll question from behind, making you jump out of your skin. a deer in the headlights, indeed. you explain to him that you just weren't hungry, but by that time its too late for excuses. he's figured it all out. he realises he can't remember the last time he saw you eat a whole meal. he becomes alarmed, upset, panicked. he might raise his voice at first, questioning you out of concern, trying to understand... why. will eventually pull you into a hug, falling silent as you cry into his chest.

"why would you do this to yourself?? y/n you deserve so much better than this."

jongho

he is very quiet when he finds out. he thinks, phases things in his head, rethinks and rephrase everything all over again. he wants to handle this situation with care and give you the best support possible. it makes his heart throb to find out you have been doing this for so long without him knowing. he will ask you calmly why you have been skipping meals. he wants to understand your feelings, your thought process. he wants to help so badly. and he recommends, after listening to you patiently and calmly, that you should see a professional to help you through this difficult time.

"all i will say is that you are not going to be alone in this any more, y/n."

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incaseyouart · 1 year

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Top 5 Life lessons you've learned that you feel comfortable sharing?

People's negative/difficult behaviour is most often NOT because of you. If someone reacts to your "normal" behaviour negatively, or brashly, more often than not that person is hurting in some way. This realization can help smooth out interactions with say, parents, or friends seemingly always going through tough times. I.e I don't have a great relationship with my mom - I never have and I never will - and almost everything she says to me is negative and hurtful, but I realized a long time ago it's because she's hurting about a lot of things, and will likely never put effort forth to fix those things, and therefore uses me as an outlet. I can tolerate being around her because how she behaves is not related to me, but herself. So, try your best to live your life and help those around you, but try not to take brash reactions personally.

Expect nothing and appreciate everything. Super impossibly difficult to do, I know, but it does help in a lot of cases. Part of the human condition makes us arbitrarily expect certain outcomes, or quality of outcomes, with almost no context in which to set those expectations, and then when they're not met, we're disappointed or sometimes even angry. It's hard to go through life, with its many patterns, without some expectations, but when an experience is NOVEL, try not to set any expectations. Simplest example: you enter an entirely new building, and press the "up" button on the elevator, and expect said elevator to arrive promptly. It doesn't. You're now frustrated and impatient. The elevator works independently of you, and cannot know your expectation of its performance. Just be patient and appreciate when it does arrive.

Avoid being a people-pleaser and respect social boundaries. I grew up with emotionally neglectful parents, and am always trying to please people to get positive attention. But, more often than not, I've realized this just makes me appear pushy/needy/clingy, and I think my relationships are more important than they actually are. Example: I have a co-worker with whom I assumed I shared a close friendship, but I am realizing he doesn't really see us as close friends. This ties in with my expectations as well; I expect him to feel what I feel, but he doesn't, and he never will, and I often catch myself pushing for more from him. It's just going to drive him away. I need to be generous with myself but at the same time respect his boundaries. If people really love you they'll come to you, and everyone wins.

The word "FAIL" means "First Attempt In Learning". I was raised with one parent who often told me that "my best isn't good enough", and therefore when it came to school, my standard of failing was 80%. That was super unhealthy. When I got to animation school, the programs were much more difficult and I had to strangle my standards down to the regular 50%. I then accepted that sometimes yes, you might fail, but it's not the end of the world. Adjusting my standard from 80% to 50% actually gave me the space to have a healthy work/life balance and allowed me to be more successful with the subjects I cared about.

Life is too short to not be a bit selfish. Honestly, you can't care about everything. It's too stressful. This ties in with my people-pleasing personality trait, in that I used to (and still do) try to make everyone around me happy, or just try to include everything in my worry-bank (like even as I type this I'm hoping I don't offend anyone etc) but like?? "Those who worry unnecessarily will unneccessarily worry" (I forget who said that) and it's true. Don't be selfish in a BAD way, but try to limit your scope of worrying. Strike a healthy balance and worry about what you CAN fix.

Whew that got deep lol. I hope someone out there appreciates this!

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chaikachi · 1 year

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I appreciate you so much for being loud about rg, despite all the unnecessary hostility this ship gets on a daily basis ❤️, it's my comfort ship and these two dorks literally makes me so happy 💕

Awee of course!!! 🥺💕 This ship means the world to me and I don't know how to be quiet about it these days even if I tried, as evidenced by the fact this answer turned into a whole essay somehow uwu

V8 was when i first really joined the fandom/RG and it was rough. I was scared to admit I shipped it romantically for the longest time because of all the discourse/harassment and I know I am very much not alone in that feeling. For the longest time I was scared to even draw them kissing lest it incite something. But ffs I'm over it. This ship is cute as hell, has so much going for it in canon, and so much creative potential in fanon. I love analyzing their story and somehow still discovering old crumbs even after all this time. Not to mention all the new crumbs this volume has given us!! Feels more like a whole loaf of freshly baked bread than anything else!

Every single argument I've ever seen thrown against the ship in the last 2+ years has been made in bad faith, is a double standard not applied to other ships, or is easily debunkable. Some of the loudest RG antis have a terrible reputation even outside of our 'ship wars', and it actually become so easy to not notice or let it get to you when you block without remorse.

I can't really speak for tumblr as I've gotten not-so-good at interacting with people here recently and feel a bit disconnected from the community (aside from the stray asks/tags y'all send me which I always appreciate 💕). But I know on twitter we've had a handful of new artists and vocal shippers come out of the woodwork in light of the new volume that are flooding the tag with positivity, memes, and creations every day. I've seen multiple rival shippers admit that they have to 'prepare for when rg is canon' and they genuinely believe it. We've even got a few bigger RWBY youtubers standing up for us and shutting down that discourse when people try to stir the pot.

Also numbers aren't really indicative of anything on tumblr when reblogs are more scarce than ever, or on twitter where the algorithm is anyone's guess, but there are some rosegarden posts on this site from 2017 that hit over 4k notes. Some of my own rg pieces on other platforms breach 1-2k. Heck, even some of the metas that I have cross posted to twt have hit more than 600 likes.

There are so many rg shippers out there. And what I am seeing with v9 is a few things. First, any people joining the fandom anew that aren't aware of all the discourse fall into RG pretty easily without that bias being pushed on them.

And second, that when we are loud and we are enthusiastic and we are kind to each other... when we foster healthy and approachable community, that is how we tune out all the negativity, and that is when we have the most fun.

So i'm glad you appreciate all my yelling, and I am not trying to pressure anyone into speaking out or participating if they don't have it in them... but this is a very friendly reminder is always room for more of us out here 💕🌹🌲

#i don't like dubbing myself as ceo of anything esp cause i know i ship rg in a v *me* way #but i do reserve the right to call myself the most annoying rg shipper simply BECAUSE i refuse to shut up about it ehehe #be a shame if anyone tried to fight me for the title hmm?? 👀#ask #asks #anon #anono #rwby #rosegarden

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craycraybluejay · 4 months

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I have too many followers and I must scream

(I do not like social media and am angry at myself for becoming invested in it from boredom. I don't trust these people. And I especially hate the undue sentiment I attach to mutuals when they can, have, and will end up being really mean to me. Like I do not want to judge Everyone I hang around on Tumblr by the actions of a few. But the fact of the matter is I don't Know any of you personally and I hate social media for this. It gives you the illusion of knowing someone, and even those you are very friendly with, it is probably a bad idea to become attached to in any capacity. There's always the sensation of being Watched and Judged, which is doubly bad for paranoid people. I am not on the extreme end of paranoia like some people I've talked to {I hope you are doing well} but I do tend towards it. But it's bad for everyone. Social media, I'd argue, is bad for everyone. Unless you don't use it like a social media and just look for pictures of cats or something.. that sounds really nice. The internet should have stayed that way. We should gather around pictures of cats and only get personal in PMs.)

(I don't actually desire anywhere near the following I have now and definitely no more than it. It is on my list of self-improvement things I'll eventually work through to swear off social media pretty much entirely. I do not want to extend undue sentiment and trust to people who don't like or trust me. But I know I have an unhealthy habit of wanting to connect with others while conveniently ignoring any red flags or incompatibilities. But then facing, reckoning with what I myself have done to hurt me in this fashion is very painful. It is not the fault of other people that I have liked them. But mine for jumping too quickly and happily into enjoying other people with no regard for my own safety or future happiness. Now I am trying to indiscriminately weed out those that make me feel negatively in any way. And it's *hard.* It's still hard even knowing that someome flat out doesn't respect me or discriminates against me to sever all ties. Repeatedly. Reminding myself "these people are not your friends and you do not owe them anything.")

(I am sorry to those who *do* want to work it out or change their hateful views or what have you. Who want to have a peaceful actual friendship or at least a peaceful acquaintanceship. But I'm going to try harder now to set healthy boundaries with social media.)

(It has been miserable, I am going to set time limits and actually stick to them. If you want to talk more urgently or privately, I can be reached on Discord. But, that aside, I need a serious detox and I'm going to try to either spend time by myself or with people I am truly good friends or at least decent acquaintances with.)

Happy holidays, and I urge you to try to cut down on time and investment in social media with me.

#social media #rambles #mental health #i cannot stress how universally damaging the standard way of using social media is #even just the standard way. not even getting involved in discourse or spending too much time on it or what have you #social media detox #*shaking myself*#YOU DO NOT KNOW THESE PEOPLE MY GOOD SIR

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miracledarling · 9 months

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Hey Renna I hope you're doing well...

I'm sorry if this might come off as trauma dumping but I really just need someone to talk to....

I'm really frustrated with myself since I lack persistence...Like I'll wake up one day and be like I'm gonna manifest my dr but after like a day or two I'll start wavering and eventually I'll go back to my old state. This cycle has been going on ever since I found abt the law.

I was really REALLY behind with my school work (I attend online school), I didn't study for my exams and everything was just piling up...So I decided that I'd just manifest being up to date with all my school and acing my exams despite not studying...Now my school break is over and as you can guess none of these things have manifested...Why? because I persisted for like a day and let my negative thoughts win...Now here I am even more stressed and desperate...

Ik that this is something no blogger can help me with, I've read all your manifesting posts plus other bloggers, I've listen to Edward art and I've read some of Neville's books, I know everything there is to know about the law...But I keep on going back to my old state...I don't even know why I do this to myself tbh cause it SUCKS here, like there's nothing to look forward too, yet I keep on going back to the old state...

Rereading this ask just made me realize how stupid I am... Like I'd rather stress about the 3D then persist in the new state...starting from now on I'm just gonna work on my self concept because my core beliefs abt how life works are still pretty f'd up and I'll stop giving myself stupid deadlines...

I will be back with a success story soon...

This post is kinda all over the place but I hope you understand what I mean...I love your blog btw

hi darling, i am so sorry for the late response(left tumblr for a bit🥲) i hope u can see this answer 💕💕

first you are not stupid honey, its okay to feel stuck. bear with me alright, it will be okay

Like I'll wake up one day and be like I'm gonna manifest my dr but after like a day or two I'll start wavering and eventually I'll go back to my old state.

ik how that feels, but you have to understand that YOU are the only one that can make the change for yourself. break the cycle is the first step, break the cycle or it will loop tomorrow.

getting into a new state is like moving into a new home. it may feel unfamiliar, unnatural, different at first. even uncomfortable. but as you return and accept it, keep living in it, it will feel natural. you will learn to accept it as true. your reality is what you are aware of as a fact. aka assumptions.

you are not the past. you are not the old story. you are not your thoughts. you are not your feelings. you are not your state

what are you being right now? what are you aware of as a fact? what are you assuming as true?

I AM happy, I AM safe, I AM healthy, I AM loved

if there are mistakes, let go of past mistakes. you can revise even. stop clinging onto the past, stop clinging onto the old story. be who you are now.

trust yourself honey. you will help yourself more than any of us can ever. you will thank yourself so much once you start trusting yourself for guidance. asking yourself for clarity

truth is, most of the answers are within us. we have them. everything is here. so you don't need more outside guidance.

yes it can be scary to stop looking for outer confirmation. it might feel like you're doing it wrong, that you're missing out on something helpful. keep trusting yourself to help you.

try your best to resist the urge to go back to the old story. i've once heard someone say: you must get uncomfortable to get comfortable. you may feel discomfort in the new state but focus on the end and the end only. it will all be okay. you don't need to force anything, allow yourself to surrender to imagination and feel the end as true. you don't need to be positive 247, a mental diet is not forcing thoughts to be good. rather, pay attention to your inner world and place your awareness on what matters ⭐️

whenever you feel frustrated, always go back to the END. live in the END in your head. always take care of yourself out there though. stidy if you must, but you are the perfect student in imagination

you are free in imagination. trust your imagination and free yourself in imagination

i don't know much about your circumstances but i just want to let you know that you can get through this. you can do it dear. i know you might have been through a lot but as long as you trust yourself, it will be alright honey. 💕

yes you will be back with a success story soon. and i know you are succeeding. you are successful. you have succeeded

ily and hope i could help you🥹🤍✨

#ask #loa #law of assumption #loassumption #neville goddard

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justanothersyscourse · 1 year

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Had an interesting conversation and I wanted to talk about it. This is a conversation mainly about dysfunction and distress, and ways it presents-- and how you, personally, don't need to be either to still be disordered. SO.

I don't find DPDR episodes to be distressing.

In fact, I would even go so far as to say that in the vast majority of episodes, I enjoy the experience (especially now that I understand what's happening, and the why and how).

No feels, no cares, no existence-- not me, not my life, not my problems. I appreciate the ability to go away for a while from my overwhelming emotions.

And that's SUPER dysfunctional of me, even if I enjoy it and I'm not distressed by it, because I should be able to handle minor stresses without dissociating to high hell-- and worse, enjoying it (behavioral addiction ftw).

But you know who DOES find these episodes to be distressing? My partner, especially when it happens when we're out and about doing things, when he needs us--any of us, all of us, to be there, in the moment, functionally doing adult things with him.

He doesn't need the added stress and work of leading around a floating, vaguely fussy zombie while pushing a cart full of food and trying to sort out the financial part of what's looking to be a couple hundred dollar grocery trip.

Any distress I might feel about these episodes is purely in regards to my partner's negative reactions to them.

He does his best, and he tries hard not to be upset, but I know he is, and sometimes it results in an argument and hard feelings.

This social dysfunction matters.

While I am personally fine (even happy), my symptoms have effects that create dysfunctions in my relationships and with/in other people in my life, and that's just as important to the diagnostic process.

I think it's very much ignored by the communities as an avenue of discussion. I think it gets lost in the conversation of validity and under this general feeling of... The world should cater to us (not in a negative way, just as a general statement). But it shouldn't, and we shouldn't be allowed to just do whatever we want, effects on others be damned.

Like, I don't often see conversations in the system community about dysfunction in positive, healthy relationships. There's lots of discussion around unhealthy relationships with parents and siblings, etc, but not how our symptoms affect the people we care about and those who want to see us get better.

I would even go so far as to say that the opinions and needs of others (like partners) are often ignored in the conversation of dysfunction and distress.

We all act like it's about us, us, us, but we forget that the way our behaviour and symptoms effects others is just as important in the diagnostic process and the discussion of functionality.

I would love to hear others' stories and thoughts on this.

#syscourse #actuallydid #actuallyosdd #actuallytraumagenic #did #osdd #anti endo #anti endogenic

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deerbornintuitive · 1 year

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Pick a Pile: Love Letter from your Higher Self

Each pile contains 4-7 cards pulled, depending on the energies present around you. Center yourself and clear your mind, then look at the three images below. Which are you intuitively drawn to? Trust what you feel. When you’re ready, scroll down to find your love letter. I hope you enjoy!

Pile reveals below….

Pile A

Your cards: Strength, 6 of Wands, 2 of Cups, 2 of Swords rx, 4 of Cups, the Lovers

Dearest One,

I am so proud of you. Though things have been difficult, you still remain compassionate, and make efforts to be your best self. You are kind. You’re able to contain your emotions, and do not take out your difficult past on others. Your resiliency and courage is admirable. Yet, you don’t always think highly enough of yourself. You may not realize this, but there are people that look up to you for the person you are. Your wisdom is received, and you have fans! You are impactful with your messages. Even your voice only reaches a few people, you’re making a difference in their day and in the collective itself. Keep it up!

You know yourself well. You already know what you want and need, you’re aware of what will make you feel healthy and content. But at times, something holds you back from following through. Maybe its indecision of what to pursuit next, or worries and fears, imposter syndrome; or perhaps even a relationship with a loved one is holding you back in some way. (Make sure that you are considering your happiness above your partner’s if this is the case.)

When you’re held back from doing what will make you feel good or fulfilled, you’re not only missing out on chances for happiness, but you’re likely trapping yourself in stagnation and boredom (which can turn into even more negative emotions, like apathy or depression). You can improve the way you love yourself by following through on whatever its is that you need to do for yourself to feel good. Maybe this means something like going out for walks, drinking more water, or having an important conversation. Or, it could be something more drastic, like moving out of town, cutting someone out of your life, quitting a vice, or getting a new pet.

At this time, I’m helping you heal and open your heart chakra by sending you a massive wave of unconditional love. I'm promoting energies of trust and harmony in your life. This might not always be a positive experiences-- some things may need to change first, in order to improve, but it will ultimately be very good for you. I’m going to be facing you with opportunities to create true fulfillment. I will be sending you signs and messages to help you balance your emotions. You'll notice them through coincidences, and will also see/hear these signs when you're in nature. Please know that I'm always with you, sending you the support you need. Put your hands over your heart, and feel the love I have for you coming in.

Love always,

Your Higher Self

I hope you enjoyed your reading! If you'd like to book a more personal reading with me, you can browse my options here. If you'd like to support my work, you can do so here. Sending you light and love!

Pile B

Your cards: 3 of Cups, Ace of Wands, the Emperor, Page of Swords

Dearest One,

It's admirable the way you bring people together. You feel your best when you can share your energy with others. I love how you bring your unique and upbeat vibe to a group or gathering. You like to celebrate and have a good time, so you do your best to create a positive environment for those around you. You really do make the people in your life feel so special. If you're feeling lonely, please reach out to someone. Your traits of kindness and empathy will make it easy for you to make a new friend.

I see the way you struggle at times with your confidence. I'm so sorry that people and situations have caused you to lose sight of your personal power. Please know these no longer have power over you, though it may not yet feel this way. You are truly a force! Speak up, even if your voice shakes. Try to be direct about what it is you want or need, otherwise nobody knows what it is. People cannot read your mind, so do not assume that they're going to be as perceptive as you to your needs. I would love to see you give more of your energy to what makes you feel fulfilled, because this is your life to live. Care less about what others may think; they're not the ones in your shoes!

You’re creative, and your ideas are worth exploring and sharing. You may not see the value in them because you’re too close to them, so they too often get tossed aside or not take seriously. You’ve recently had a very good idea come to you, which is worth another look. Follow what excites and motivates you, don’t be so quick to toss it! I would love to see you collaborate more with people that inspire you. There will be a great opportunity coming for you to share your energy with a creative community. Go for it! You will be surrounded by people that make you happy.

At this time, I'm sending energy to your crown chakra and solar plexus chakra to spark your curiosity. What are you noticing that you’re interested in learning more about? Let go of any self imposed restrictions or limiting beliefs-- you're more than capable of doing whatever it is you want. This year is going to be a wonderful time for you to expand both your knowledge and perspective. I'm so excited to watch you continue to grow and bloom. Your light and beauty is magnificent, and you will become even more so with time!

Love always,

Your Higher Self

Pile C

Your cards: 7 of Pentacles, the World, 10 of Cups, 8 of Wands, King of Pentacles

Dearest One,

Look how far you've come! You’re better able to see the bigger picture these days. You’ve come to the end of another season of your life, and things may be feeling slower. Take time to celebrate the time gone by and lessons learned before starting anything new. Give yourself credit for all of your hard work up to now-- I'm so proud of you. You’re doing great! Savor this moment and feel complete as you are. Share your joy with someone you love.

When you have an interest or goal, you go all in. You have an admirable work ethic and are driven by your own interests to advance in your work & passions. You’ve found what you're good at, and will continue to improve. Even when there are obstacles or setbacks, you persevere. You’re aware of how any mistakes and challenges that arise have served to teach a lesson and help you grow. You should be proud of this quality of yours!

Sometimes self care and self love feels like a lot of effort-- it doesn’t have to. You work so hard, that you may not have much energy left for you at the end of the day. I know it's difficult for you to slow down. Find short little moments for quick self care during your busy day, instead of trying to fit it in at the end when you're tired. Pause to pay yourself a compliment, stop what you’re doing to focus on your breathing, stretch, repeat affirmations, or even look at a piece of art or a crystal that brings you peace and ground you. Don’t be afraid to go out of your ordinary and surprise yourself. There are times that you get in your own way, and you know just what I’m talking about. Take a chance at telling the voice of doubt or insecurity off. Cast it aside and give it less of your attention— this will make it lose any power it has. Feed it less of your energy, and feed that energy instead into those moments I've mentioned prior. Finally, please know that there are people in your life that want to lighten your burden for you, and it's okay to accept their help.

At this time, I’m helping you by sending energy to your root chakra, to stabilize you into the present and heal your physical body. Now would be a good time to a take a little break, whether you take a half day or a full day off to chill and reflect. You’re doing wonderful building upon a strong foundation with your eye for detail. Please know that there’s no rush, you’re going to get to where you want to go. I’m sending you signs of encouragement and guidance through dreams, moments of insight, symbols, animals, and numbers. I love you for who you are, and want to see you flourish!

Love always,

Your Higher Self

#pick a pile #pick a photo #pickapile #pick a picture #tarotreading #free tarot readings #free tarot #tarot #tarotcommunity #tarotblr #tarot readers of tumblr #psychic readings #intuitive #higher self #tarot online #spiritualadvisor #spiritualinspiration

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mbti-notes · 2 months

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Anon wrote: Hello, I am an ISFP. I was wondering if there was a way to stop feeling wary all the time. My ISTJ friend is usually nonexpressive and placid. For some reason I cannot help but think that whenever my friend is being uncharacteristically warm and loving to me, that she is wanting me to do something for her. In the past, I've found it surprising but sweet when she has this disposition, because it symbolized to me that we were close and that she isn't usually like this with other people. I usually never have a problem with hanging out and doing nice things for her, and I have always taken people’s cheery spirit at face value without suspecting anything.

We have been friends for a quite a while before any of this appeared. We have supported each other through everything in the past. But my friend has an agreed upon bad habit of gatekeeping (she is extremely smart and wants to get ahead in life, first being going to a good college). She makes a big show of gatekeeping resources and not telling us.

Lately however, whenever she acts warm she has been following it up with stuff she wants to share from her life, usually related to success which I always express happiness for, but whenever I share something from my life she doesn’t take as much interest into listening/processing it than I do. I feel like when I need help she purposefully witholds information/guidance that could help me or just does the “bare minimum” a lot but when she needs help I put all my effort into it.

I do not view friendship as doing favors for each other (I dislike that perspective,) I view friendship as when you both are happy and having fun hanging out with each other. It is just that I have been trying very hard to be there when she wants guidance but it is not being reciprocated fully, rather she in weaker forms and so it makes me feel like her outward affection is stemming from her wanting me to do things for her.

I just want to be able to feel happy that she is happy without having to worry if she is using me. How do I stop feeling this pit of uneasiness or bitterness whenever she is very outwardly cheery?

--------------------

The first thing you need to understand is that negative feelings are not an enemy to be eliminated or vanquished. Feelings provide important messages about your mental health, as well as important guidance for moral behavior. In this situation, the feelings are telling you that there's something wrong with this relationship. Getting rid of your feelings isn't going to right the wrong. Feelings won't go away until you hear them and do what's right. It sounds like your approach to relationships might be a bit too passive or naive, meaning that you aren't willing to confront difficulties and complexities head on.

Have you discussed these issues with her in depth? The best way to handle relationship problems is good communication and establishing mutual understanding. If you lack the courage or confidence to speak up as you'd like to, perhaps it would help to improve your communication skills. You have to be able to discuss the problem in a way that focuses primarily on your needs and doesn't descend into accusations and personal attacks. You have to be able to hear every side of the story. You have to be able to negotiate a solution that everyone can accept. You have to be able to face up to the negative side of yourself and others and still feel empathy and compassion.

Yes, I agree that relationships should not be seen as "transactional". But the fact of the matter is that relationships can have serious problems that need solving, if they are to remain viable over the long term. There is well-established research about what constitutes healthy versus unhealthy relationship behavior. Generally speaking, healthy relationships should have a strong sense of: fairness, trust, kindness, emotional generosity. If any of these ingredients are missing, the relationship easily becomes unhealthy.

I'm only hearing your side of the story, so I have no choice but to accept what you say about her as true. Although, with high Se, I believe you're capable of having a decent grasp of the facts. Let's examine the facts: You don't have fairness because, overall, you give more than she does. You don't have trust because you don't believe she has your best interests at heart. You don't have kindness because she hoards information and views helping as a loss to herself. You don't have emotional generosity because she is stingy with care and unresponsive to your needs.

The conclusion I would draw based on these facts is that she isn't psychologically equipped to be a good friend or the kind of friend you're looking for. Her behavior indicates she cares about herself at the expense of others, which means she's not relationship-ready. If you speak up about how the relationship is not meeting your needs and she's apologetic and willing to work on herself, then you can continue in the relationship for awhile to see whether anything actually changes.

It takes the effort and commitment of both parties to make a relationship work. If she's unwilling to acknowledge problems and is resistant to changing her behavior, there's not much you can do to repair the relationship. At that point, you have a painful decision to make about how to proceed. Are you going to draw some boundaries and lower your expectations in order to keep the relationship going? Are you going to consider the idea that the relationship might have reached a natural expiry date?

Keep in mind that it's unnecessary to cast blame; it's better to simply accept the facts about people and the facts of the relationship, and make the most reasonable decision for the sake of your well-being. Unfortunately, relationship breakups are an unavoidable reality of life. To be clear, I'm not saying that this relationship needs to end; that's for you to decide. The main point is that it's not good to let relationship problems fester until you harbor too much resentment/anger and reach a point of no return. You have to speak up every time you encounter hurtful/toxic relationship behavior because it must be changed in order to maintain a healthy and positive social life.

#isfp #isfp relationships #communication #relationships #emotional intelligence #ask

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stormblessed95 · 2 years

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So uh.. thoughts on the dinner?

So I'm assuming this is mostly talking about the bomb dropped today about going on break (still today my time sorry I'm late!). If anyone wants to talk about more specific moments or things mentioned during the dinner, let me know on a separate post!

youtube

I have a lot of thoughts, some I'm honestly still trying to process through myself too, so we shall see how coherent this post is. Something I think is important to remember here though as well is that everyone processes news differently. As long as someone isn't being disrespectful, the range of emotions as someone handles this type of news/hiatus, is okay. No one is wrong for crying or being very upset. Just like no one is wrong for not being as upset or however else they feel about it. Give everyone grace, no matter what. It's okay to handle and process things differently. Let's also remember that they assured us this is not disbandment either.

I honestly also find it hard to express a lot of my thoughts over this too much. They shared a lot about their exhaustion and basically about their burn out with how things were going. Talking about the pressures of the idol industry that really doesn't allow breaks or even just a moment to process how things went before you need to be putting out something new. How hard that is on them, mentally and physically. They talked about needing this. And I for one, am happy they are taking it and prioritizing themselves here too. Regardless of how else I feel about it personally too. I also am incredibly thankful for the way they told us about it. They held onto this for so long, giving us their everything. And when it was eventually time to do what they needed and to have this conversation. They recognized the impact it would have and they love us so much, they did it with such care. Most people would have shared this in a press statement, either through the news or just their company. But Bangtan made sure to do it in a way that was special, through a dinner with us, to make sure we knew that their love for each other and for us is geniune and that will never change. I'm so appreciative of their honesty with us always and we will always be here to support them, no matter what. They are so loved.

They stressed that this isn't something negative, and that this is a healthy plan for them. A plan to keep them together as a group and as Bangtan for even longer too. They are going for longevity here too. They asked us to please take their words as they are and to trust them, love them and support them. Just because this isn't something negative though, doesn't mean it's also not super emotional at the same time too. It's a break from group music and concerts. That's a huge change for them. It means they won't be working together daily anymore as they have been for the past decade. That's a huge change. They will be braving the industry as solo artists for the first time, even if they also will always have each other's backs too. It doesn't mean that change isn't scary and overwhelming and emotional. Even if said change is needed and in the end will end up being a good thing. And we are all, and BTS is all emotional for a large variety of reasons too. I've also seen a lot of people referencing things said that weren't totally accurate in their efforts to talk about this and how BTS feels about it. So I'm sharing these:

A thread about Yoongis phrasing of hiatus

And Jimin about not being alone/a solo artist

Both of which i think are important distinctions to be recognized. Solo projects does not mean lack of support from the group either. They will always be each other's biggest cheerleaders, as referenced from each other hyping up the others solo works we haven't even gotten to hear yet during this dinner.

Another just general thread of better translations and context too

And Hybes statement:

I also find myself thinking about how rhey mentioned this was something that's been on their mind, and was even their plan since 2020. MOTS7 was supposed to be their last album before this break happened and they focused more on solo projects. Things changed because of the pandemic. But when you go back and you take a look at that album, it speaks loudly. Just keep in mind that they are feeling burned out. Exhausted, in need of a break. Suga specifically talking about how writing lyrics is one of the hardest things to do right now but they are expected to keep turning out music. And then go really pay attention to the lyrics of Black Swan again too.

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WAB the Eternals lyrics and the MV that took us back through all their eras. The callback to everything. The callback to their debut song. The outpouring of love to their fans with that song too. And keep all the things they shared with us in mind as you watch and read those lyrics too

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The outpouring of feelings in that album. It's insanely intense, especially if you keep these thoughts in mind as you go back through it.

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Even friends, which is super lighthearted but mentions Many times in the chorus about always staying together even if the cheers die down one day.

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And wrapping the whole album up with Ego? A song about learning to focus on yourself and needing to put yourself first and love yourself and trust in yourself? This whole album needs a relisten from me honestly.

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This being the planned last album of their chapter 1 originally makes a lot of sense. The pandemic happening. Canceling their tour. Making them decide to postpone these plans for two years. It didn't make those feelings go away and it only propelled that level of fame they have even higher. To a point where its harder on them than anything else probably. They need this. So I can be happy for them for it. Even if we all cry together over it for a while. And the lyrics in Yet To Come too. It's all very emotional knowing everything we know now

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They are also very clear they aren't going anywhere. They will be back. And if nothing else, this break truly shows how much they value their sincerity in their music. They don't ever want to lose that. And this is the best way for them to all make sure of that too. It seemed like they felt like they were losing sight of their music and of who they were as people. So they decided to take a step back and reflect and focus on that for a little while here too. To make sure they never lose what makes them who they are. And then they can bring those things back into the group with them, making it stronger than ever. Especially seeing as how they are taking this step back instead of just coasting on their popularity as they could have. That's not what they want. Their art is too important to them. And they aren't going anywhere. Like JK said at their last concerts, this is never going to be the last time!

Like Tae also shared, this is an effort to be even more true to themselves and sincere with us. To be Bangtan for an even longer time. And that they are happy.

It's okay to be overwhelmed. It's okay to be upset. While I'm happy for them, I am also overwhelmed and upset here a bit too. I'm also incredibly excited for chapter 2 and all the solo projects I know are coming. Its going to be incredible in its own way. It's a Rollercoaster of emotions. It's okay to let yourself feel all of them. They can all coexist at the same time. Just try not to catastrophize things either.

And in an effort to help cheer some of you up if it's needed. Keep in mind they will be coming back, they said so and they also said that they are making a choreo for Run BTS for the next time they do a concert all together. So while we don't know when, we do know this hiatus will end eventually. That OT7 music and OT7 concerts will be making a comeback. AND we are getting more music then ever out of this too. 7 new albums are coming in the close future! Plus We can all, but especially baby armys, use this time to catch up on any content we haven't seen. Run BTS the show is going to come back. They want to keep it and keep filming their show together. And while you wait, you can catch up on the previous 156 episodes that are already out. There is 8 previous festas of talks and other content out there to watch, 4 seasons of Bon Voyage, 2 seasons of ITS, 3 BTS movies, 4 documentaries, 7 seasons greetings, all the winter and summer packages, all their concert tour DVDs, all their appearances on variety shows over the years. All the jacket shooting for Albums and previous bangtan bombs and vlogs. You can go through and find any music you haven't heard yet, either on YouTube, SoundCloud, or from previous albums. Now is your chance to catch up!

Plus, in an effort to make everyone extra emotional, on the way home from filming this dinner, JK took to Instagram to post this video with this song for us too. Because he is an angel

The times between comebacks were getting longer and longer. We went almost 600 days without an album. They were preparing us for this in their own way too a bit. Slowly but surely, they are just confirming it for sure now for all us. They are going to be okay. And we are going to be okay. And it's also okay to just be an emotional wreck about it all too. Because while this is a whole ass easy. Your TLDR is that I'm incredibly emotional and upset. But I'm so thrilled for their solo works and happy they are doing what is best for them, even if it's hard. And I trust them. They will always have each other, and they will always have us.

Love you guys 💜💜💜 My DMs are always open, and my blog isn't going anywhere either. I have too many timelines and post projects to get through here too along with keeping up with new schedules they will eventually drop on us! Lol I truly hope everyone is doing okay. 💜

#bts festa 2022 dinner #bts festa 2022 #ill always love and support them no matter what

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frecklystars · 8 months

Note

Pls ignore if this bothers you but how do you know if self shipping is healthy or not? I have always used it to cope but I also get told by people that it's unhealthy to want to love characters since they're fictional. I've always admired you and how dedicated you are to the characters you love, you don't act like anything holds you back, and I wish I could do that. I envy you sometimes. I've printed your art, I hope you don't mind. It brings me comfort when I feel down on myself like this.

Hey babe, first off, it's all good. I'm never bothered by kind and well-intentioned asks such as this ❤

I'll answer your ask in reverse; I don't mind that you've printed my art, in fact I am very very very flattered!!!! Most of my artwork is really made just for myself (hence the self insert, haha) I'm assuming you're printing my old fanart or perhaps even my current Ken pieces - or even if you are printing my self insert for whatever reason that may be, I still think that's flattering. I have a love/hate relationship with my work, and I fell out of the habit of drawing for almost a year and I didn't pick it back up again until a little over a month ago, so I am glad you have an appreciation for the things that I create. This helps me feel motivated to create more! And I'm happy that I can be a part of your life in some small way.

As for your envy, I think that's unnecessary. You can be just as dedicated as me, possibly even more so, because I've actually had some really fucked up shit holding me back from self shipping for almost a year now (long story) and I am just now starting to dip my toes back into it, and I am still afraid, I am still unlearning the instilled reaction to fear the very characters that used to comfort me. It will take me a long time and it hurts so, so, so badly every single day. But even before I had That Fear holding me back, there was still nothing to envy about me. Something you aren't noticing within yourself is possibly the very thing you observe in me, someone you don't know. I gently ask, rhetorically, what is it about myself and my connection to characters that you value so highly? And what stops you from cultivating that within yourself? It must be already inside of you for you to value it. You are someone who is just as worthy of love as I am, after all!

To answer your actual question... no, I do not feel as if anyone having interest in fictional characters is unhealthy, to an extent. Are you preventing yourself from engaging with other things, such as going outside, cooking, cleaning, taking care of yourself physically and emotionally? Are you possessive of these characters to the point that it leads to destructive behavior, to yourself or others? Do you imagine these characters to genuinely treat you with kindness, or do you use them as a weapon to heighten your insecurities (telling yourself repeatedly that they wouldn't love you or find you attractive, writing them to be violent towards you or uncharacteristically aggressive as a way of punishing yourself or feeding negative thoughts about yourself, etc)? If the answer is no to all of these, then I don't see any issues.

I have always felt that self shipping, or really even just enjoying a character without the additional step to self ship, is always worthwhile to me because I find the exploration of my relationships with these characters to be invigorating, whether it's me genuinely writing myself to be IN a relationship with them or if it's me simply interacting with their source material and not even diving deeper into the world or placing myself inside of it. Sharing artwork also gives a sense of community even if I don't actively engage with fandom/the self ship community, having this blog and answering asks and connecting with friends over shared joy of characters is a healthy thing. I've made some meaningful friendships online and almost all of them are because I've bonded with others about favorite characters. Some ppl may find it unhealthy if they're actively choosing to be malicious. I can promise you most people see "this person has a crush on a fictional character" as kind of standard since the early 2000s lol. And online ppl especially aren't seeing all of you, so why should their opinion of you rly matter in the first place? Let's say, for example... my blog... if someone went through every single one of my posts (and there's 30,000+ posts, I believe) they'd still only see the smallest fraction of myself as a person and their judgement of me would be completely invalid - and tbh nobody among us would ever seem "healthy" if they're only viewing a single aspect of ourselves anyways. Nobody else except ppl within my physical social circle see my day to day life. This blog is literally just a blip of myself.

When people see behavior that is unlike their own, it's easy for them to assign negative labels to it. Behaving "outside of the norm" is already considered negative by default in this world we live in. It sucks! And there are certainly some ppl who don't self ship who probably take one look at my blog and make a quick judgement about it, possibly thinking I might not have a grip on reality or something. But most people don't make that immediate assumption unless if they're just looking to be hateful, and even if it this was everyone's reaction (it's not, I promise you people are way less judgmental about self shipping than you think), it shouldn't stop you from letting yourself have fun. I love drawing characters holding my hand! I love imagining them standing next to me when I'm doing something that I'm nervous about, like I hate working with fire/intense heat so I hate using the oven but I have to do it if I want to bake myself a cake, and nobody else is gonna do it for me, so I imagine someone who bakes/cooks often like Prince Gumball or Deckard Wizard standing next to me and smiling warmly and telling me he's rly proud of me for taking something out of the oven, even if I'm shaky while doing it. I love wearing bracelets and earrings and rings and necklaces and imagining that my F/Os gave these trinkets to me, or that I'd give these trinkets to them. I love baking and decorating little cakes and treating myself to little gifts for my anniversaries, and I have so many opportunities to celebrate loving myself because I have so, so, so many F/Os who love me. We breathe life into these characters when we create these stories with them, we manifest them in our own way and we all do it differently because none of us are exactly the same. It's like we all leave our own unique one-of-a-king fingerprint on a character...

...and isn't that beautiful? Isn't that a feeling you should celebrate? Why hold yourself back? People will always dislike what you do, people will always judge you regardless of what you do. You can paint a picture of a butterfly, post it, and most people will enjoy it, but there are some people who would want you dead for it, people who have nothing but violence in their hearts. People will hate you for no reason other than the fact that they can, regardless of what you're doing. It's an unfortunate part of life, but also a bit freeing to know that since it'll happen regardless, is there really anything stopping you from doing what brings you joy, besides your own fear of what people think of you? People who you'll never meet, people who do not hold any value to you whatsoever?

Anyway, the only way I see self shipping as unhealthy is if it is negatively impacting your life, then in that case something would definitely need to change. I'd listen to your own mind/feelings rather than taking my word for it, because ofc I don't know how you're self shipping -- you say that people are telling you it's unhealthy "because they're fictional", if that's the only reason, well... that's not unhealthy. That's the point of self shipping... they're fictional sdflkjsdf they are literally called Fictional Others. Anyone who assumes you aren't in your right mind because you want to imagine yourself or an OC holding hands with a canon character, well... it says a lot more about them as a person than it says about you, I can promise you that.

If your worries circle more around how you're perceived, ask yourself, how badly do you want to break free of that? Is constricting yourself worth it? My tone is gentle here, is it really genuinely worth it to hold yourself back? I think the most freeing thing I've ever done was go all out with my self shipping. I'm drawing it, writing it, I'm making animatics to love songs, I'm buying voice clips from voice actors asking for them to have the character say "I love you" and then I'm recording myself saying "I love you too" and shoving those audio clips into a video and storyboarding me and that character to that audio and playing it back and adding romantic music and sound effects and god it's so freeing. It's so freeing. Fitting yourself to a perceived "normalcy" is not worth it for me. Ask yourself if it's worth it, for you. Again, a gentle, genuine, soft-toned rhetorical question: is your mood improved when you're fitting yourself in a box rather than freely expressing yourself? Because ultimately, self shipping is for you. Just you.

You can also always start small, if this is something you really want to do. You don't have to make a blog full of self ship tags and art and writing and screenshots and gushing. You don't have to go big. You can take baby steps, if you want. Have a sketchbook dedicated to doodles of you and your F/O (and if you don't usually draw... do it anyway. Make stick figures. Drawing feels good.) Write little blurbs of you and your F/O doing something nice together, however big or small. Write 5 sentences in a notebook where you're holding hands and walking down a sidewalk and they stop to pick a flower for you just to see you smile. Do this for yourself.

I wish good things for you anon, I hope you don't mind i rambled a bit there but self shipping is something I'm very passionate about and it saddened me to read how you "feel down on yourself" as you phrased it. I'm glad my art can bring you some comfort, I hope it continues to do so. Thank you for reaching out to me ❤

#anonymous #asks #if your fear of how others perceive you is the only thing stopping you #then by all means. overcome it. whats that quote? 'im scared' 'then do it scared'#i would give ANYTHING to self ship with starscream and bumblebee and 50 billion other robots again #ANYTHING #i lost such a vital part of my own heart. due to something i cannot control #but fearing what others think of you IS something you can unlearn and control #it takes time! it wont be overnight! but i believe in you!!! and you can do it!!!#anon. you see something in me that you already have within yourself!! its there!!!#you have your own burning star in your heart and its bright and shining!!!#now take it out of its lantern!!! let it go nova!!!

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ninjadeathblade · 5 months

Text

Moulin Rouge Discotrain AU (party thirty eight)

Summary: Now that they're together, Conductor and Grooves are slowly settling in with their love for one another. Both have strong feelings for one another but don't always know how to express it.

Beginning | Previous | Next

Word count: 949

Warnings: None

Author's notes: Sorry this took ages to come out. Anyway, I am finally allowing them to kiss so it was worth the wait. I got inspired by this art by @nasubeenwithcat. Her art is amazing, do go check out her blog. Anyway, enjoy!

Grooves smiled at the happy look on Conductor's face as both of them looked at the tree.

The lights decorating it twinkled in the otherwise dark room, spilling splashes of rainbow coloured light across the walls.Felt decorations of all shapes, sizes and colours were strung across its branches, giving it a cosy feel.

The owl sighed contentedly and leaned back against the penguin's chest.

Conductor was back to a chill temperature, having gotten a necklace from the train to suppress his powers.

“Thank you for inviting me,” Grooves said quietly as Roxie positioned the star on top of the tree.

Conductor tilted his head around a little further, pressing a quick kiss to Grooves' cheek. “Anytime.”

The penguin felt his heart stutter at the words and a small ripple of anxiety went through him.

It couldn't be anytime, could it?

Conductor would get sick of him eventually, the same way everyone always did.

Conductor turning around brought him back out of his negative thoughts.

“Would you dance with me?” Conductor asked sheepishly.

Grooves realised that the old radio on the shelf at the side of the room was playing a slow tune, piano notes cascading in the quiet air.

“Well, we do need practice for the movie,” Grooves joked, earning a chuckle from his companion.

Conductor hummed along with the tune until the lyrics began.

“That certain night. The night we met. There was magic abroad in the air. There were angels dining at the Ritz. And a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square.”

Grooves let out a surprised huff of air as Conductor dipped him slightly.

“I know I'm meant ta be the confident one in the movie but I'm pretty sure yer the confident one out of the two of us,” Conductor teased.

Grooves pushed back upwards, counterbalancing them and leaving Conductor hanging in his arms.

“Didn't realise you were one for flirting, angel.”

The owl's feathers ruffled slightly before his mouth twitched into a smirk. “Yer gotta remember that although you had the ideas, I wrote the dialogue for Christian and Satine in almost every romance scene.”

“Okay. Fair point,” Grooves admitted, pulling him back to stand.

“I want some fresh air,” Conductor declared, beginning to tug him towards the door before stopping and turning back to his daughter. “Rox, yer good to get the little ones ready for bed?”

“Don't worry about me, go be lovey-dovey or whatever,” Roxie said, walking over to the pile of chicks on the sofa.

“The air is so clean out here,” Grooves marvelled as Conductor led him outside.

“It's why we raised Roxie out here when she was still little. Wanted her to grow up healthy,” Conductor explained, pulling him round one side of the house.

The owl climbed onto a ladder leaning against the side of the house. “Do yer wanna see something cool?”

Grooves gazed adoringly at his beloved’s excited grin. “On the roof?”

“Better view up there,” Conductor reasoned, clambering the rest of the way up to the roof.

Grooves chuckled and followed him, the two of them lying down side by side.

“Woah.”

The sky was adorned with sparkling lights, hues ranging from blue through to purple, painting it like a masterpiece. The moon shone like a spotlight above them, illuminating the edges of a couple clouds.

“I always loved lookin’ up at the sky out here. Made me wonder if I'd ever visit somewhere big out there,” Conductor said quietly.

“It's beautiful,” Grooves breathed as he looked at the night.

“Yeah, it is.”

Grooves glanced over at Conductor.

The owl had rolled onto his side, staring at the penguin.

“You brought me up here to look at the sky,” Grooves pointed out, a blush heating his cheeks.

Conductor slung an arm over Grooves and moved closer to him. “It's cold.”

Grooves smiled, knowing this was Conductor's way of subtly asking to be closer.

“You're always cold.”

“It's night time in winter, of course I'm cold.”

“You'll freeze to death one day.”

“You'd never see another of my movies.”

“I'd publish your theatre club acting.”

“You would nae dare.”

The bickering held no real threat, none of the venom their arguing would have about a year ago.

Conductor sat up slightly, leaning over Grooves. “You… you wouldn't really though, right?”

Grooves pushed himself a little more upright as well, their beaks hovering near each others'.

“I promise I wouldn't.”

Conductor's feathers puffed up slightly, as if hesitant.

The owl looked away, paused for a moment, shook his head gently, looked back.

He slowly raised a hand to cup Grooves' cheek. “Can I kiss you?”

Grooves sighed in relief that it wasn't something more serious.

“Yes."

Conductor smiled softly before leaning in and kissing him tenderly.

The owl nervously retreated a few seconds later.

“I'm sorry I should nae have done that it was stupid of me,” Conductor began to ramble, words bumping into one another. “I'm so sorry Grooves I promise I will nae-”

The owl went quiet as the penguin placed his flippers against his cheeks.

“It's fine diamond.”

Conductor let out a shaky breath before looking back up at the sky and let out a small gasp.

“Shooting star.”

Grooves looked up just in time to catch the streak of white light across the sky.

“Make a wish,” they said simultaneously before bursting into laughter.

“You first.”

Another bout of laughs.

“I wish that you would accept how amazing you are,” Grooves said.

Conductor chuckled nervously and pressed a quick kiss to his beak.

“I wish you would be remembered forever for yer role as Christian. You're a great actor.”

“When did you become so sweet?”

“When I met a very sweet penguin.”

#a hat in time #ahit #ahit au #ahit conductor #the conductor #discotrain #ahit dj grooves #dj grooves #ahit moulin rouge au #ahit oc #oc roxie #moulin rouge discotrain au

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annaraebananawriter · 1 year

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Heeyyyy idk if ur still doing the sentence prompts but like… am i supposed to just let you go?… but with Dream and Nightmare would be 😩👌 just saying 👀🥺👉👈

That's a very good pairing, I agree.

And if we twist it around a bit to make it Dream talking to a ghost/hallucination of Passive Nightmare...well, we'll just have to see how that plays out, won't we?

The only real warning here is Dream living in a state of denial. But we already knew he did that, really, so is it really a warning? But if I missed any other things I should've warned about, please let me know!

Happy reading!! Prompt is italicized.

~oOo~

Dream doesn't tend to pay too much attention to him anymore. He used to, back at the beginning, when he was still in freefall and catching up. Before everyone gave them the looks and made him feel guilty of something. Doing something shameful, something embarrassing. He used to cling and whimper and try to hug him and try to get anyone else to see him. They would all give him these pitying eyes and gently coax him into switching topics.

It made him feel crazy. It made him feel broken. Maybe he was.

But whether real or just a figment of his imagination, after finding that hundreds of years have passed and your brother now hates you and wishes you dead, after finding your friends and being thrust upon yet another pedestal--if all of this happened and you had a ghost lingering over your shoulder that looked like your brother back when he was yours and yours alone, wouldn't you want to cling to him, too? Wouldn't you do everything possible to somehow make this ghost real and tangible?

Nighty always vanished when Nightmare was around, anyway. It wasn't hard to separate the two. There was his brother, his Nighty, who was always with him, just as he should be and then there was Nightmare, a painful reflection that sounded like his brother, but acted so differently and glared at him with too many negative emotions. When he was doubting himself and what he believed, he closed his eyes and reminded himself of this, how this was proof that Nightmare was not his brother and Nighty was they needed saving and only he could save them because only he knew of Nighty's existence.

Why else would he even exist? Why else would he sleep with a shadow above him? Why would Nighty comfort him during thunderstorms while Nightmare was off safe and sound back at his base? Why else would Dream be here, now, if not for the sole purpose of fixing things?

And he would fix this. He has to.

"You're doing it again."

Dream opens his eyes, giving up on feigning sleep. Rolling over, he finds Nighty sitting next to him, transparent hand hovering over his head. Upon their eyes meeting, his brother retracts it.

"Getting lost," Nighty clarifies, even though he didn't need to bother. He always said this. "I told you to stop. It isn't healthy."

Dream hums. People said that about talking to Nighty in the first place. But if he didn't, he wouldn't have had the strength to be here now. It gives him a purpose, something to fight for. Without Nighty, who was he?

"Dream," Nighty says, sounding stern. "Stop."

"I'm not doing anything."

"You're making things harder."

"People said that about you." Dream says, letting himself fall on his back to stare at the ceiling. It was easier to avoid feeling vulnerable this way. "Remember? They said you were--are, I guess--a hallucination my mind conjured after being traumatized. I couldn't bear to let you go, so I created you as company. They wanted me to forget you."

Nighty is silent for a moment. "Maybe they were right."

He's brought this up before. It felt like betrayal, the first time his brother hesitated and suggested everyone else was right. It's eased over the years, but it still stung. Dream closes his eyes. "Please. Don't do this again."

"I have to try. You won't listen to anyone else."

"Because they're wrong."

"Because you don't want them to be right."

"Same thing."

"You don't want me to not be real. You don't want to be hurt by the past. You don't want to accept that things have changed, your brother has changed."

Dream opens his eyes and looks back at Nighty. "Do you not want to be real?" He doesn't acknowledge the rest of what his brother said.

Nighty smiles sadly. "It doesn't matter what I want."

"So, what?" Dream says, closing his eyes again against the burn of tears. "Am I just supposed to let you go? You're not some hallucination, Nighty. You're real. You're real." It sounded like he was trying to convince himself instead of Nighty.

"You could...talk to him." Nighty offers, saying the words carefully.

Him. Nightmare.

Dream makes himself scoff. "No thanks. Nightmare isn't you."

"How do you know that?"

How does he, indeed?

Because Nighty is kind and good and comforting. He gets lost in libraries whenever Dream helps around in one, rambling about books and getting excited over new ones. He has read so many books because his brother has begged him to get them. Nighty is his brother, just as funny and smart as he always was.

Nightmare, on the other hand, is cruel and a killer and mean. He is mocking and insulting and just wrong. It doesn't matter that he always keeps an eye on his boys, turning back at the first sight of one of them being hurt. It doesn't matter that, despite saying he hates him and claiming he wants him dead, he has never fatally wounded Dream, not yet. It doesn't matter that he's seen Nightmare out of fights, when his brother hasn't noticed him, and he's buying new books and laughing and is just--just...happy.

It doesn't matter because it's not real. Nightmare is a facade, something to hide that his brother is lost and scared and in need of help. In need of saving. Nighty is a ghost, yes, but he's...

He's here. Nighty is here, right beside him.

That's all the proof Dream wants.

Dream swallows, turning away. He pulls the blanket up around his chin. "I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight."

Luckily, Nighty doesn't say anything else. Only sighs. "Goodnight, Dream. Sweet dreams." And then he falls silent, ready to wait until he wakes up. He always waits.

Usually, anyway.

Sometimes, when they have talks like this, Nighty is gone when he wakes up. But he always comes back. Because he's Nighty, not Nightmare. He's his brother. He'll always come back for him. He has to. He has to.

#my writing #ask #ask prompt #fanfic #drabble #prompt #utmv #undertale #dreamtale #dream sans #nightmare sans #passive nightmare sans

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