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starsstuddedsky · 4 months

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Star’s 2023 Top K-Pop Songs

*only one song per artist

**I forgot half the songs I listened to this year

27. The Rizzness – Taemin

This song had potential for top 5, were it not for that fuck ass title/the lyrics. The instrumental track is just too good, I loooooove it so much.

26. In Bloom – ZEROBASE ONE

I think this says more about me thank anything else but i just love a pumpy song, it was fun, good track, what else is there to say

25. Still You – Seungkwan

This is me cheating and throwing in an OST but it is far too good and I don’t ever hear anyone talk about it. This song kept me together for half the summer. Go listen right now and tell me im wrong for adding it.

24. UNFORGIVEN – LE SSERAFIM

This is partially because of the MV, i simply love cowboy concepts. Just iconic. dont come for me if their new releases are “better” bc this is my list and also i haven’t listened yet. I am behind.

23. SHALALA – TAEYONG

ICONIC. MV, song, all of it SCREAMEDDDDD ty and i love him for that. I really admire artists that are truly dedicated to their craft and taeyong is just one of those dudes.

22. Say You Love Me – Kai

I couldn’t not put him. I can’t believe there’s a whole year left until he comes back. It’s genuinely insane. anyway rover deserves to be on here too but i wanted to be special (also ur lying if you think this isnt the best song on that album. the only alternative is sinner)

21. Air Force One – ODD EYE CIRCLE

Right when I started wanting to listen to LOONA, everything happened and, well, at least they’re safe. This song is such a bop idk

20. Will I Ever See You Again? – Red Velvet

I think this is mostly just my personal taste but it’s sooooo good, an easy listen but consistently good????

19. LEFT RIGHT – XG

2000s concept SLAYED, idk it’s just such a good song? like i’m not picky in my music taste but this is very much my style

18. Get Loose – THE7

yes i got it from tiktok but a good song is a good song and this is a good song. I actually just like fun songs

17. LONE RANGER – MONSTA X

Remember when i said i love cowboy concepts? yeah. I also was working on a horse farm when this came out so like. it just fit

16. Fire Eyes – The BOYZ

Remember what i said about fun songs? i don’t even know how i found it bc i dont listen to the boyz religiously but i LOVE this song

15. Memories – RIIZE

They’re actually iconic for having siren and memories as pre-releases and showcasing their dance/singing abilities. K-pop is very much about singing for me and boys can sing, so memories made the cut. Honestly all their songs have been on repeat for me though, i just love the final chorus of this song ugh

14. PADO – NCT U

This is another cheat but i couldn’t not put it on. like haechan????? xiaojun???? yeah.. you got me confused…… you got me soooo satisfied

13. Cool With You – NewJeans

Ditto remains my top newjeans song but cool with you… like i said with left right, it’s just very my style and idk i really enjoyed it. The whole album was soooo good JUST TOO SHORT

12. Bubble – STAYC

SLAYC IS BACK LETS GOOOOOO!!!!!!! I LOVE bubblegum pop so this was right up my alley. It’s just so funny and i love the girlies so much im so mad i couldn’t see them on tour

11. Space – NCT 127

WE’RE IN THE TOP TEN NOW LETS GOOOOO!!! Every time this song comes on i ascend to a higher plane of existence like that one spongebob meme. Let it breathe. Let it chill. Yeah we doin’ too much too much. specifically jaehyun on that part……. Oouugghhhhhhhh (whatever instrument/fake instrument that’s doing that one part…. Idk how to describe but ooughhhhhh)

10. BOUNCY (K-HOT CHILLI PEPPERS) – ATEEZ

When i tell you this was on REPEAT while i was in japan… i was making it bouncy all through the streets. played it for my mom and she said “this is a weird song”

9. Fighting – BSS

That one tweet that’s like BSS’s music is like “dont kill yourself were booseoksoon.” yeah. It’s half that and half their performance and incredible ability to always make me laugh

8. Poison – NCT DREAM

my world STOPPED when that track video dropped like…… have i mentioned haechan bc wow. he saw the baekhyun poster outside the recording studio and swore he wouldn’t let him down and he did just that. i love me some good whore music and that is whore music baby

7. Spicy – aespa

Perfect balance between bubblegum pop and noise music. the girlies came to serve and they did just that.

6. JUMP – P1Harmony

Not to be that person but they are seriously soooooo underrated. Justice for my boys because this song is just so good. I NEED to see it in person

5. Queencared – (G)-IDLE

SO hard to choose between this and I DO (and allergy) but ugh. the bubblegum pop won in the end. I love this song so so much, had the time of my LIFE singing along to it. Yuqi come home <3

4. Poppin’ Love – WayV

Idc if you don’t think they’re kpop, they’re going on my list. This song just has it all

3. I Don’t Understand But I Luv U – SEVENTEEN

Remember what i said about whore music? also i genuinely don’t know why anyone was surprised when they looked at the lyrics for the first time like just listen to the song and it’s obvious what they were singing about idk. thank you woozi, thank you jun, thank you hoshi, thank you minghao, and thank you dino. if i dont see this song in concert……… lord knows what will happen to me

2. Let Me In – EXO

this was my number one song of the year i think. It came out right before i went to japan so all those positive memories are associated with this song, but also like.. she’s just that bitch. My first release with DO, Chen, and Baekhyun on one track together and let me tell you.. This song is just too good. Vocals will always win me over and the entire bridge-last chorus (actually the whole song).. just so good.

1. Can We Go Back – NCT DJJ

Whore music. Vocals. What else do you need???? When i tell you this song has brought me out of a Mood several times,,, idk what it is i just love this song so much. i put it on to write this and like. there’s just nothing bad about this song, its too good. the instrumental, the vocals, they knew EXACTLY what they were doing. PLEASEEEEE keep letting jaehyun sing it’s such a crime to hide his voice

Runner Ups:

I DO – (G)-IDLE, Allergy – (G)-IDLE, Super – SEVENTEEN, Perfume – NCT DJJ, SHOOTING STAR – XG, Sinner – Kai, Rover – Kai, Ay-Yo – NCT 127, Lip Gloss – THE BOYZ, God of Music – SEVENTEEN, RODEO – WayV, Get a Guitar – RIIZE, Talk Saxy – RIIZE, Welcome to MY World – aespa, Drama – aespa, Guilty – TAEMIN, She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not – TAEMIN, NewJeans 2nd EP ‘Get Up’

“What about _” i probably forgot to add it, i wont lie

inspired by threads ive seen on twitter. if you see this and want to do it PLEASE do!!!! and tag me in it!! i love reading these :)

#star talks 💫#🎧 now playing... ☆#this was so fun to make #i’ve been wanting to do this for like two weeks now

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yelenasdog · 3 years

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something like “i know” (ben hardy x fem reader)

genre: FLUFF FINALLYY

summary: sometimes making tiktoks with ben doesn’t always turn out the way you plan, but by no means is that a negative.

words: 1.4k

warnings: age gap (not dramatic, reader is like, idk, 23 maybe?), kissing, i think that’s it but lmk!

a/n: hi! so i’ve had this idea for ages and wanted to write it so here it is! the end of it is far sappier than i planned but meh whatevs. also ty to cici and eva for helping me pick the moodbard hehe. k enjoy!

☆❂✧

Having an age gap was never something that put a large damper on their relationship. The conflicting personalities of the two balanced out quite nicely, and the similarities that drew the two of them together in the first place (apart from the aforementioned) made sure they never had a lack of interesting things to talk about that weren’t generational.

Until TikTok, that was.

Now of course, there were some other millennials on the application, but Ben just for some reason couldn’t get it.

“Yes, I know that, babe, but why do they do dances?”

“They lip sync too!”

“But what is the point?”

And that’s how the conversation would end. Every single time. So Ben would sit on the sofa, watching as she danced about in front of the small screen, occasionally playing some cruel (ok, that’s a large exaggeration, they’re somewhat mean, at best) joke on him, claiming it was a trend on TikTok? That just did not sit right with him.

He didn’t remember hearing “mean pranks” in the initial description of the app when she had described it to him all of those times.

Ben tried to tune it out, he really did. He would wear his headphones, blasting Zeppelin as loud as he could while reading scripts or a book. But somehow, those catchy little tunes always managed to worm their way into his ear, being stuck in there for days and days on end.

He would waltz around the house humming Megan Thee Stallion, the occasional Flo Milli or underground indie artist also making an appearance often.

He was pouring a cup of coffee for himself one Tuesday morning in the kitchen before going on a run, Y/n watching fondly from afar. Rain was softly rolling down the windows, barely coming to a cease. The air was chilly, and fog floated through the early morning sky, a sense of calm washing over their shared South London home.

The room was kept somewhat warm, though, from the fireplace that she had insisted the house had to have, which Ben ended up being grateful for on more than one occasion. He looked over his shoulder briefly, smiling at the sight of his beloved wrapped up in his seafoam jumper, watching him move about contently.

As he turned back to where he was working on filling the two mugs in front of him, he began to oh so quietly sing the lyrics to what sounded like a familiar tune off of the app. Watermelon Sugar, maybe?

“Ben? Baby?”

He turned, his eyes growing wide and his hands flying to his hips as he leaned against the countertop behind him.

“Mhhm, yeah, w-what’s up, babe?”

She couldn’t hold in her giggle at the sight of her boyfriend’s red face and disgruntled appearance, one of his hands now scratching casually at his gold locks.

“What’re you singin’, pretty boy?”

His blush only increased at the nickname, eliciting another laugh from his girl.

“Y’know, just somethin’ I heard on the radio the other day.”

She immediately recognized his lie, he refused to listen to the radio, only using either Bluetooth or the aux cord, his music taste too pretentious for mainstream stations. She didn’t mind, though, always finding it quite funny how much of a music snob he was.

But rather than call him out, she only nodded and smirked, standing up and bringing her phone with her over to the windowsill where she usually filmed her TikToks, pulling Ben along with her.

He sipped from his mug, eyes slanted as she scrolled through something on her phone, various sounds emitting from the speaker.

A little smile showed up on her face when she (apparently) found what she was looking for, leaving her to set the phone down, allowing a video under the sound to play on repeat.

“Sweetheart, what’s going on?” He asked, ever so cautiously, taking a step towards her. She walked towards him, engulfing him in a hug which he (yet again) cautiously reciprocated.

“I am going to teach you a TikTok dance.”

He had to do a double take.

“Come again?”

She pulled on the elastic waistband of her sweats, grabbing Ben by the arm.

“Come on, I know you wanna. And if nothing else you’ll do it to make me happy.”

He rolled his eyes, slightly irritated at her confidence and that she was so incredibly correct, he would do mostly anything to put a smile on her face.

“Yeah, you’re right.” He grumbled, moving to stand next to her.

She clapped once in excitement, joy flooding her entire body. The music started up again, but this time, she began to dance along to it.

“Ok, so just try to do what I’m doing, alright?”

“No! Not alright, can I just stand here, I think I should just stand here-“

“Ben, it's literally not that hard, 8 year olds can do it!”

“Well, I’m an extremely confused 29 year old man, thank you very much!”

And that’s basically how the next 15 minutes went until she finally gave in, allowing Ben to stand behind her, occasionally doing a little move of sorts. The two were in a fit of giggles now, struggling to keep enough composure for long enough to get even one successful video.

“Benjamin Jones! This is the last one, okay?”

He put a hand on his stomach, both of the pair attempting to catch their breath.

“Yes, yes, right okay, got it, last one.”

The little timer button counted down, the sound echoing throughout the property.

The music then started, and she could barely keep a straight face for the 15 seconds. Bored of the routine, but never of her, Ben decided he would grab her and throw her onto the sofa, as payback for all the “TikTok pranks” she would pull on him. He waited for the perfect time to strike (one where she wouldn’t hopefully be too infuriated), restlessly shifting from foot to foot.

Nearing the last few seconds, he made his move. He swooped forward, a high pitched shriek falling from her lips as he wrapped his strong arms around her waist, running and jumping onto the couch, crushing her. He rolled off quickly, and she moved to be on top of him, her hair wildly astray. She sat up, straddling his thighs with a bright smile plastered on her face.

“You little jerk.”

He only smiled boyishly in response, a lovesick gaze set in his eyes.

The song was still playing on repeat as she leaned down, positioning her hands on either side of his head in order to place her lips gently upon his.

“That’s your reward for putting up with me today, Jones.”

He scoffed, taking her by the shoulders and bringing her to his chest. She looked up from where she was now comfortably lying, meeting his homey emerald gaze, his eyes like sea glass that had washed up on white sands, waiting to be rediscovered.

“I feel as if I deserve something more for all of that.”

“Oh, do you?”

He hummed and nodded, closing his eyes. She reached up, placing another peck on his plump lips, before scurrying away to retrieve the phone. He sat up rather quickly at the sudden loss of her body weight, smiling at the sound of her laughter coming towards him.

“Ben, look, it turned out so well.” She managed to slip out before basically throwing him the phone. A grin erupted on his own face soon after, along with the hearty chuckles to match.

He made some commentary on how wonderful it was, before handing her back the device. She moved so she was once more essentially laying on top of Ben, the screen in both of their views.

After sharing a few more laughs over the video, she captioned it and posted it, throwing her phone to get lost in the couch cushions as the likes and comments began to roll in.

She looked up at him once more, and he met her gaze, as he always would, bringing a hand up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear.

It didn’t leave her cheek, resting there and lightly caressing her skin. The two were most serene then, almost appearing as two felines that had decided to nap during the morning showers, most comforted by each other and the steady sound of the droplets as they pattered.

He was whispering now, the rambunctious energy of the room fading into a much more tranquil and stolid vibe, wrapping the two up like a warm embrace.

“Y’know I really would do anything to make you happy, my love.”

She closed her eyes, taking hold of one of his hands.

He then heard her mutter something like “I know”, and all was well.

☆❂✧

it was fitting for the theme. but anyway i hope u enjoyed, pls reblog and like if u did :) go drink some water, eat some protein, and take an electronics break!

love you bunches! xx hj

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twenty-one-froggy-pilots · 3 years

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Yeah I'm honestly a bit surprised by how passionate and vocal people are about hating twenty one pilots? It's kinda upsetting that when I try to interact with content about them I'm always a bit worried in the back of my mind because I'm a pretty sensitive person and it's hard not to let stuff get to me.

I don’t know why it’s always felt like twenty one pilots has gotten a ton of hate for no reason? I’ve been into them since 2013-2014 so pure unadulterated vessel era, I’m a very old fan of them and their music, like one of the oldest picture in my phone is this

(This picture isn’t important I just love it, plus something fun to look at with a not so fun subject material)

(Long history as a fan rant incoming lol)

I’ve been an emo kid for a really long time, back when all of the emo bands were big, when seeing another kid wearing a panic! shirt always meant you talked to them in the mall, I still remember when I would wear the one twenty one pilots shirt I could afford outside, that anyone who knew who they were would come up and start a conversation with me

And it’s like through the years the hate has changed to be... somehow worse

Back in the early days tøp used to get called not a true emo band because they didn’t have anyone playing the guitar so everyone hated them because they weren’t emo Enough

Plus there was the whole ‘emo trinity’ ‘emo quartet’ infighting nonsense but that’s so long past idk if anyone even remembers it lol

Then blurryface rolls around and fans are being made fun of for dressing funky and going through that one fandom phase where everyone was calling the boys smol beans it was great and cute, we were all really close, we called each other frens, told each other to stay street it was great! So what people made fun of us or whatever we were absolutely vibing

Twenty one pilots felt like the coolest secret gang of fans, we were absolutely huge, more so than most people would think, and man it was awesome!! If you saw a tøp fan you knew that you were cool with that person and that person would be cool with you!! It was amazing!! Sometimes I do miss this vibe!!

But then Stressed Out ended up on the radio...

I feel like it really all changed here, all of the sudden the old fandom things were cringy, the boys were sell outs, and every family member you knew was suddenly the biggest fan despite only knowing stressed out

I remember being upset around this time because of strangers invading my space, this was my group, filled with people who understood what the lyrics meant and knew and understood how much they meant to all of us, and suddenly it was filled with people who didn’t belong

I didn’t blame the pilot boys, obviously they can’t control what’s on the radio, I’m fact, there’s plenty of pilot songs that mention never being played on the radio because of one reason or another, so my problem was never with the boys, it was with the influx of new people, and by new people I don’t mean new fans, I mean news outlets and tv show host, and with that influx came the people who didn’t get it, you know? That were rude and outright nasty and refused to understand anything about the genre and effort put into the story and why it mattered to us

(Tw for suicide mention, and uncomfortable themes involving people making fun of themes involving it, tw for mentions of school shootings)

All of the sudden we were the fans of Tyler Joseph the man who ‘Glorifies Suicide’ and actively is supposedly encouraging that behavior

We were the cringy fans everyone knew in high school and hated who were described as being ‘JuSt So QuIrkY 🤪’, instead of the mentally ill kids we all were, by people who hated us

We were the fans of those ‘white boys who look like school shooters’ (this one honestly rocked me to my core, it still hurts to even see??? Like idk why but it almost makes me want to cry)

At the same time a lot of the old fans were turning their back on the pilots, they didn’t want to be involved anymore, they hated ALL of the new fans whether they were respectful or not

It was a REALLY hard time to be a new fan, very few people were open to having them involved in anything, I think this is when a lot of hatred happened in the fandom not only fan-fan fighting/hatred but also fan-band sentiments weren’t great either

The more songs that ended up on the radio the more the hatred grew, in fact this got so bad Tyler did this

youtube

Here’s a transcript in case it’s hard to hear

Like... this was the state of our fan group.... it was suddenly cool to hate all the songs that ended up on the radio so much it affected every part of our music journey

There was a lot of infighting, it was an awful time to be a fan, new or old

Then came silence era, in which every tøp blog I followed except like 2, became kpop blogs and I’m not sure any of them ever came back lol, I actually really disliked kpop because of this for a bit in like a jokey kind of way in my own head lol (ahh how the turn tables have turned... kpop and tøp are the only things I listen to now haha, actually because of all my tøp mutuals becoming kpop blogs I vowed to myself to not change this blog to another group so I have two music blogs now, which makes me laugh but also shows how important music is to me so it makes me happy anyways you know?)

It was kind of a sad way to have the fandom disappear, everything was strangled, the boys were gone, and no one kept up with the fandom, it felt really lonely

When Trench era clues started back people started coming back, the mood was different, we had something to do and it was fun to work on something with others, we had the Clancy letters, and all the clues, and the tower of silence and the vultures!! It was great! It started to feel like we had rebuilt something from the rubble of what we had been

The fandom started calling Tyler stinky and he called us b*stards it was great, sometimes people were a bit meaner than I think they thought they were being, but it worked you know?

When the album released we had more people come back and things slowly started fitting back ok again, more songs ended up on the radio and a lot of older fans said the same things they’re saying now, but it wasn’t that bad, it was mostly very positive

And then we got to the over the summer drama, which........... is a sensitive subject, but I legitimately do not understand how it was Tyler’s fault that people assumed he was talking about something when he wasn’t talking about it at all... especially when people have been begging him for years to talk more about mental health, he wanted to introduce whatever he was going to do with a joke, I personally never though he was talking about the big issue at the time of the incident, but it blew up like wildfire and the next thing you know he’s canceled because Other People Assumed Something

So now it’s ‘Morally Justifiable’ to hate Tyler because he’s r*cist or something, despite it never being his intention and because people assumed something

It’s literally not even with good reason that people are doing this, but because it blew up when it did and about what it did, no one knows what really happened and people just wanted a morally justified reason to hate them because you can’t just dislike something anymore without it being justifiable I guess? I feel like with all of the years I’ve spent on the internet everything has only become more hateful...

All this to say.... yes, it hurts when people hate the things that you do, I get really sensitive about it as well, especially with how long and how many arguments I’ve seen, and I am extremely sensitive to discourse and hatred, it’s why I don’t engage with much of it online, in fact I was about to delete the post complaining about everyone hating on them before I saw it was really resonating with you guys

I guess my best advice to you anon, would to try to understand where it’s coming from, that’s what’s helped me, I know a lot of people dislike the pilots because of the fact that they became ‘mainstream’ during blurryface era, and people are really upset by that, so understanding that, even when it hurts, I can acknowledge that they feel that way and that it’s ok that I feel differently

It’s easy to take that point and test it against your own morals, ‘do I think twenty one pilots became mainstream, or only makes songs to get on the radio?’ If your answer is no, then you can both say ‘I don’t agree with them but they’re allowed to have their own opinion’ and kind of give yourself a wall and barrier against what they say

I know this isn’t perfect advice, but it’s helped me a lot

I know there are two big arguments against this album, that it’s mainstream and made to have radio singles (the underlying argument here I guess being Tyler and Josh are money hungry and no longer care about the music)

And that it’s no longer lyrically meaningful, but I think this has to do a lot with how involved people are in the Dema lore, if you’re not a fan of lore I would imagine this album being propaganda and supposed to be fake and bright to prove a point would really bug you if you didn’t really get it

To best thing to do is digest an argument (only if you can handle it emotionally of course 🖤) and know it’s ok that think differently than other people, and that the chances of someone being mad at you are very slim

A lot of things I’ve enjoyed have been stolen by the fear of getting hated on for something - while in actuality, the very few times I’ve gotten real hate over something barely affected me

I admit the fear of getting hate bothers me a lot more than actually getting it, but I just want to encourage you to stay strong in the face of it, it will pass, as it all does, but if nothing else in this post resonates with you, PLEASE HOLD ONTO YOUR JOY FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN! And don’t let ANYONE take it from YOU!!

If twenty one pilots makes you happy, just remember that the only person who can take that true joy away from you is yourself, remove the people who make you feel sad out of your life, I apologize if this is a physical person in your life as this makes it a lot harder, and sometimes impossible depending on the situation, but on the internet unfollow anyone, block anyone, don’t engage and leave them alone, it’s not with your energy or effort, and they’ll never change their minds but they can change yours you know?

Being sensitive in a time when everything is hateful is hard, especially when everyone tells you you’re a bad person if you aren’t engaged, but you really don’t have to be, you get to choose your own destiny you know? Don’t let other people choose it for you

#I’m am so sorry this post is so long and I still don’t know how to put readmores on mobile anymore #ajsjjams #I get told I ramble on about to much and that my stories are never concise and take forever to get to the point which might be true.........#I’m sorry #I kinda just rambled on forever but I feel like I finally aired out all my laundry I’ve kept to myself forever haha #it did have a point though! just trying to say like it’s always been a bit difficult but for the things that we love it can be #I’ve had a much better experience this era with the people I follow which has helped a lot #but to get to new content I’m digging in the tags which is where I’m #seeing all the hate so there’s kind of no avoiding it but I understood that going in you know?#anyways I think I’ve rambled on long enough! I hope this helped you out in same way?!?!#I’m not sure any of this is really helpful lol wjsks but one can hope haha #nic writes #tw suicide #tw suicide mention #tw school shooting #tw school shooting mention #tw racism mention

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swiss-cheeze · 4 years

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The Candyman Can || Spencer Reid

Request: YES/NO

Gender: none (I don’t believe there is by skimming what I’ve written however there may be a mistake idk)

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR ZUGZWANG (8x12), mention of gunshot and blood, talk of depression, I think that’s it?

Description: Maeve was gone, what more could one wish for than the Candyman?

Part 2: https://snitchthewitch.tumblr.com/post/623363610267320320/the-candyman-can-rainbow-connection-spencer

———

The gunshot rang out and it seemed to go in slow motion as Maeve and Diane fell to the floor in the pool of their own blood, Spencer's kneecaps hit the hard concrete flooring, echoed with his loud sobs. The atmosphere changed and everyone could feel it, hell, you swore you could see the atmosphere change too.

---

Spencer could hear the voices of his friends outside his door.

“Knock twice if you’re conscious”

It took a moment but Spencer knocked twice, the weight of his arm felt heavier than anything else, his heart tugged as his arm fell and he heard JJ talking too.

“He knows we’re ALL here for him!”

And then their footsteps retreated down the stairs and away from him. It all felt unreal, a fever dream, a hallucination of sorts. As Spencer stood up he took in his surroundings, the books littering the room, the discarded clothes; everything was new in his perspective but it all felt so normal, like the books had been there for all of his life instead of 14 days. He knew why. He was in the five stages of grief; he wanted to say it was depression, and with the evidence strewn around his room anyone else would say the same, but it also felt like he was in denial, or maybe bargaining? He made the choice, he told Diane him for her but she didn't take it, the kiss told him; she didn't believe his unbelievable lie even at face value. As the world turned sideways with his hands clutching the last thing Maeve and himself shared he heard the telltale ring of his voicemail receiver.

It was Derek, calling again.

His voice sounded numb to Spencer's ears as it kept ringing, the echo of the gunshot still evident in his ears, ringing, throbbing. It hurt. It hurt alot. Was this what Hotch felt when he was blown back from the explosion those years ago? That was a hard day for all of them, the irony from Spencer's thoughts almost made him chuckle. Almost.

The phone receiver echoed the room again and Spencer groaned inwardly, he stood quickly to hang it up but was too slow as it went through and your voice cut through the air.

“Spence! Uh, hey,” your chuckle rang through the air as Spencer stood standing still, “okay so this may be a little weird but um. Okay. When i was younger my dad would sing this song to me to help calm me down from anything and it always worked. Now i'm not saying it works for everyone don't get me wrong,” Spencer could hear the smile in your voice and swore he could hear your footsteps as you paced, what he guessed would be the conference room, “but, i just want to try and help so. I'm going to hang up, call you back and well,” the pause was evident as Spencer waited, “sing to you,” your grin was evident and Spencer could hear it. A moment passed as you hung up and suddenly Spencer was filled with, not exactly happiness but, an emotion close to, with his brain the way it is he couldn't think of the english dictionary.

The phone rang again, and Spencer considered actually picking up the phone but instead let it ring through.

He wanted to hear your voice. You weren't exactly the bestest of friends but you were good friends, enough to be okay to be able to do this for Spencer without either of you feeling uncomfortable.

“Who can take the sunrise?” your voice rang out, this was an unknown song to Spencer, “sprinkle it with dew,” Spencer sat on his couch as he listened, “cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two?” your voice was picking up, your emotions coming out almost making Spencer smile, “the candy man!” your voice went up an octave, “the candy man can, the candyman can because he mixes it with love” you emphasized ‘love’ at the end of your sentence, directing it to Spencer, “and makes the world taste good~” that’s when he realised. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was your favourite book and favourite movie; the number 1 thing you ever talked about, always mentioning it in any moment you could. You had said multiple times to the team that you would stop because it was annoying but they always made sure to remind you it didn't annoy them and was actually nice to have something so positive within their line of work that didn't include the saving of lives. “Who can take a rainbow, wrap it in a sigh,” your voice continued, which took Spencer by surprise; were you going to sing the whole song? “Soak it in the sun and make a strawberry-lemon pie?” this sounded more like a question towards Spencer than any of the others, and he couldn't help the corners of his mouth turn up into a small smile and mouth ‘the candy man’, “the candy man? The candy man!” a tear slid down Spencer cheek as he sniffled, were you really doing this just so he could feel some sort of ‘better’? You of all people? He wasn't complaining, he was glad, the same as he was glad Garcia always asked if he was okay and sent those baskets; Derek made sure to mention how Garcia was feeling, “the candy man can”. Spencer heard the tremble in your voice, you were crying. Were you? You masked it too well for him to know, he heard a door open, “y-yeah i'll be there in a second,” your normal voice said before you sighed, “i'll finish this verse then leave you, um, where was i?” you thought for a moment, mumbling the previous lyrics, “ah right! The candyman can because he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good~” he could hear the smile etched onto your face, “we uh, we’ve got a case Spencer so, i have to go but, i hope that did something, i don't sing for everyone you know,” your laugh echoed happily, “even if you just listened with no emotion, but, we love you Spence,” you sighed as your voice wavered, “dont-dont ever forget that,” and with that you hung up.

---

“Hey Spencer!” your voice came through the receiver, he didn't pick up and let it go to voicemail but you sounded happy nonetheless, it was a few days after your first singing session with him, “i don't know if you liked it before but i told Derek and the team what i did for you, the simple singing...thing,” he could hear the grin, “and they said i should continue it! So, here's a new song, hang up on me anytime Spence i don't mind,” Spencer could hear you take in a breath before starting the new song, this time the sound of a ukulele coming through the phone; you knew how to play an instrument, “Somewhere over the rainbow,” Spencer recognized this one right away, “way up high, and the dreams that you dream of, once in a lullaby, I” he stood closer to the phone to hear you clearly as he held the book Maeve had gifted him all those days ago, “oh, somewhere over the rainbow blue birds fly, and the dreams that you dream of dreams really do come true, ohh, ohh,” he didn't realise it but a few tears slid down his cheek, were his emotions coming back? Well they never left technically he knew that, they just got buried down for awhile. “Someday I wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind. Me, where trouble melts like lemon drops, high above the chimney tops that's where,” you wanted Spencer to sing with you, “you'll find me, oh, somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly, and the dreams that you dare to, oh why, oh why. Can’t i? i?” Before Spencer's brain could recognize what he was doing he picked up the phone and held it to his ear but it didn't stop you, you musnt have realised he picked up.

“Someday i wish upon a star,” Spencer gravelly voice came through the speaker before you could get the next lyric out as a grin took over your face and continued the chords and sung with Spencer, “wake up where the clouds are far behind, me,” Spencer let you take over the next lyric

“Where trouble melts like a lemon drops, high above the chimney tops that's where,” you paused for Spencer.

“You’ll find me” Spencer finished, he sniffled softly as you both continued the song.

“Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high, and, the. Dreams that you dare to oh why, oh why. Can’t i? i?” your voices meshed together in a weird beauty, of a gravely and recently unused voice and a smooth, vocal lessoned voice, you both harmonized together for the final ‘oohs’ before the ukulele faded out and you grinned.

“Nice to have you back Spence,” you said softly, “um, i gotta get back to work but, i'll call again in a few days, see how you're going,” Spencer could still hear the grin in your voice over the phone.

“Thank you,” was all Spencer said before he hung up the line, it was abrupt but you took it in best emotions.

---

“It’s a force of habit,” a new voice cut through the thin air.

Reid.

“Reid”

“Spence”

J.J. went up to the disheveled man and gave him a comforting hug as the rest of the team came forward, yourself included.

“I didn't expect you back this soon, you sure you’re ready?” Hotch asked Spencer.

“No, but i think i figured something out,” Spencer replied, his voice was down an octave or two, the stubble didn't fit the Spencer you knew and you didn't want it to fit the new one if it meant you could have the old one back. Spencer looked at the team as if he was back in motion, squaring his shoulders and straightening his back Spencer started explaining what he knew about the case and what he had figured out.

You stayed back while Hotch and Spencer talked for a moment before Hotch left the room, he gave you a side glance that told you everything you needed to know; ‘stay back, help him’, and then the unit chief was gone and Spencer looked to you for a moment with tear filled eyes. Grabbing his hand softly you brought Spencer to a closed and unused conference room, the moment the click of the lock echoed through the room Spencer wrapped his arms around you as his shoulders jiggled; he was crying. It was the soft but comforting hold you had around Spencer that made him cry a little harder, suppressed sobs turned into small gasps of air as your shirt soaked through to your skin but it didn't matter either way to you; he was letting you in. The soft cushions of the couch gave way as you and Spencer sat on the fabric before laying down slowly, your touches were soft and hesitant, not wanting to ruin the moment to make the situation worse.

---

The plane ride was quiet as you sat in front of Spencer, when walking onto the plane Spencer had held your wrist from the stairs until you two sat down together, wanting to be around someone he knew and would somewhat understand. You could feel a presence come from behind but you didn't want to look.

“I counted five baskets,” J.J.’s voice floated from behind, Spencer gave a tight smile.

“Seven but I think Miss Cavenar next door may have taken a couple,” Spencer replied, you grinned at the thought of an old woman stealing woven baskets from outside the 30 year old Spencer's door. J.J. laughed too as you heard another set of footsteps coming to a halt next to J.J. as Spencer started talking again, “i'm really sorry if i've been kind of…” Spencer trailed off as you stopped him.

“Spence, dont.” you shook your head, “no”

“Kid,” Derek addressed, “i didn't mean for you to come all the way out there”

“I know,”

“Listen, if you need anything at all,” Derek offered, “you just have to ask,” you looked back to Derek and J.J. as J.J. nodded and so did you.

“Actually if you guys dont mind i could use some help with something,” Spencer said quickly, it caught you all off guard but you let a small grin overtake your lips.

“Name it”

---

The room was silent as J.J and Derek restored the bookshelves, Garcia and Spencer restored the fridge with fresh food with the blonde even cooking a few meal preps for Spencer so that he didn't have to worry too much about not eating. You worked on restoring the walls, furniture and packing away the geographic profiles and newspaper clippings from the previous case. It didn't take long with the team effort as you heard the sizzle in the kitchen from Garcia's cooking, J.J. and Derek slotting and sorting through the books, talking occasionally to find where each title went with you sitting on the floor with a needle and thread; patching up the holes in the couch as well as deep cleaning when it's done. In no time at all you all finished your jobs and one by one disembarked back to your homes. Derek, J.J. and Garcia all gave Spencer a hug as they left together; leaving you and Spencer alone.

“Thank you,” Spencer said softly as he sat on the newly patched up couch, the screech of the curtains opening made Spencer finally look up from his twiddling hands to see you bringing more light into the room.

“We’re all here for you Spence,” you reminded the boy, he was finally clean shaved and showered as you sat next to him.

“Not that,” the man remarked, “for singing to me all those weeks ago,” this took you by surprise, you didn't expect a thank you for something you had done for the sake of doing it.

“It’s...it’s alright Spencer,” you said with a nervous smile.

“I really enjoyed it,” Spencer said with a soft smile, he could see your eyes twinkle with a new found light at what he said.

“Thats...that's good Spencer, I'm glad,” you grinned and ruffled your hair as a nervous tick, “I'm glad you enjoyed it otherwise that would be kind of awkward” you laughed as Spencer's thumbs twiddled.

“Would…” the boy paused a second and his voice became hoarse, was he going to cry? “Could we continue it?” Spencer asked, “the singing thing I mean, you don't have to (Y/n), but I just…” his sentence trailed off as his brown hughes turned to your smiling face.

“Yeah, we can continue it Spencer I don't mind,” you said happily, “I'd be happy to do it, you don't have to sing with me but I'm more than happy to sing for you!” your fingers started to tap the tempo for a song on your knee.

“How many instruments do you know?” Spencer asked, “maybe, maybe we can do a duet?” his laugh was evident on the end of his sentence, “i'll play the piano”

“I forgot you learnt the piano,” you said with a grin as the memories came back to you of the autistic boy who played piano. A stiff silence overtook the room as you and Spencer sat next to each other, knees just barely touching before Spencer finally opened his mouth to talk again.

“Would you be able to sing to me now?” The question was sudden, like Spencer couldn't control when or how he said it before he himself caught up to the fact he said it; surprising himself. You grinned.

“Of course Spence,” you said happily, “Any requests?” you asked. Spencer shook his head no, “right,” you thought for a moment and went through the movies you recently watched with music in it before snapping your fingers, “ah ha!” you cleared your throat in a joking manner, causing Spencer to grin, before you started singing, “look for the,” you grinned, “bare necessities!” Spencer grinned, “the simple bare necessities!” you stood up as you sung and started dancing, shaking your body and singing happily before holding your hand out to invite Spencer in to dance with you. He accepted reluctantly and before you knew it the pair of you were singing a disney classic and dancing together.

It wouldn't be perfect, it will definitely take time, but that time you were willing to pay for if it meant more moments like this to help a friend.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #penelopie garcia #garcia #jj #david rossi #emily prentiss #alex blake #the candyman #spencer x reader #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds x reader

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5sos-seavey · 4 years

Note

“PHASES” INSPIRED JJ FIC

it’s finally here after so long !! really hope you like it girl

Phases - JJ Maybank

Warning(s): some swearing

Word Count: 2416 (without the lyrics)

Tags: @snarkystarkey, @maybe-maybanks, @baby-bearie, @mayibeyoursbanks, @katie-avery, @kaceyjost

A/N: I decided to not switch through points of view but just kept writing while the povs kinda sorta change, hopefully it makes sense as you read but it might be more of JJ’s pov since the song is from the guy’s pov ALSO if you’ve seen the music video for phases I guess it’s kinda gonna be like that lol

I know you’re tryna do you, but I heard you fell off.

After a couple bad nights, and 20 cold hearts.

Tryna find a new you, but I heard you got lost.

Tryna figure your worth.

What the hell does that cost?

You and JJ had been together for a little over a year when you told him that you thought you needed some space and wanted to figure out who you were and what you wanted. At first JJ was confused, he thought you loved each other and wanted each other. “Please don’t be upset with me,” you had said to him. “Y/N I just want you to explain it to me.” “JJ, we’re so young, and I’m not saying I don’t love you, because I do, I love you so much, but I have no idea who I am. I don’t want it to be 3 years down the road and we decide that we don’t want to be together. I know that we’re young, but I honestly think that we’re it for each other. I just don’t want us to end up as that, right person, wrong time, couple.” JJ was nodding along as you had spoke, “okay. I get that. Just, please don’t like, I don’t know, forget me, I guess? Because I love you and I want to be with you.”

When I’m kissing ya, grippin’ ya thigh.

I realized you were destined and meant to be mine.

But who am I to conflict with ya livin’ your life?

Just know when you call, I’m at the end of the line.

JJ knew you were the one. He just wanted to be with you. But he didn’t want to get in the way of you finding yourself, because he didn’t want you to be the, right person, wrong time. He thought of you as the, right person all the time, no matter what. He also would never want you to feel pressure to stay with him because he wanted you to. He also didn’t know what kind of space you wanted so he would sometimes text you, reply to your story, whatever. It broke you, but sometimes you just didn’t answer him. You knew this was hard for him, but it was hard for you too.

JJ: just checking in, how are ya?

y/n: im good jj, thanks.

y/n: i know it’s been a couple weeks and we’re both kinda struggling with this but idk if we should be texting and shit while we’re figuring how exactly to navigate this. and it also won’t help in any kind of growth. im sorry jj

JJ was beside himself. He wanted to be there for you, but this was the one time you didn’t want that. He still thought it was important for you to know that he’s here for you.

JJ: i get that. don’t be a total stranger tho. if you ever need me or anything, i’ll be here

JJ never got a response to that message. But he knew, or at least hoped, you’d come to him if you ever needed.

I’ll practice my patience, while you’re getting wasted.

Till fate brings you home, I’ll wait through your phases.

You’ll shuffle through faces, like songs in your playlist.

Till fate brings you home, I’ll wait through your phases, phases.

It had been about two months since you asked for space and JJ was doing as well as he could be. He spent a lot of time at John B.’s to try and distract himself with John B., Ki and Pope. Even Sarah came sometimes. Sarah was surprisingly helpful actually, while his other three friends tried to steer clear of anything to do with you, Sarah wasn’t worried about bringing you up, “well she did say that she wanted to be with you right? Don’t look at it as a breakup because it’s not. And even if it does become one, which I highly doubt, it isn’t one yet.” JJ was shaking his head, “she’s seeing other people, she doesn’t ever talk to me and I know that I don’t talk to her either, but she asked for that. I don’t know Sarah, it’s hard not to treat it like a breakup.”

Ki started to agree with Sarah, “but JJ, she said she loves you; she just needs to know who she is. You don’t want her to resent you down the road.” JJ looked at Ki in shock, she never wants to talk about Y/N, she was always worried about upsetting JJ. He couldn’t argue with them, what they said made sense, and plus, you had been talking to those two more than you had been talking to him. And that was saying a lot because you only talked to the girls maybe once or twice a week, and you always tried to avoid talk of JJ because you didn’t want to be worried about how he may be feeling; he had said that he supported you in wanting to do this, so you were just going to stick to that.

It definitely did not help JJ’s worrying knowing that you’d go out and you’d be seeing other people, going on dates, doing whatever else you were going to do while you two weren’t together. He’d just have to wait on you, he wanted you to be as sure as he was.

Hittin’ all the right cues and you’re leaving your mark.

But I know that ain’t you, you’re just playing your part.

Tryna fit in them shoes, but you take it too far.

It doesn’t matter where it takes you, I’ll go wherever you are.

It had been four months now. You can’t lie, you missed JJ, but you can’t find yourself in four months just to go right back where you were before. Obviously not saying that going back to JJ would be bad, but it still seemed to early to go back to him now.

You’ve gone a quite a bit of dates, in the beginning, they were all one offs though. Two months ago you had met someone, things were going pretty well actually. You had gone on a few dates together, but you personally thought things had been moving too fast. When you brought it up though, it did not go well. You were told that you were “self sabotaging because you don’t want to be happy.” It goes without saying that you two were no longer see each other. Maybe you were self sabotaging, you definitely weren’t doing it on purpose though. You just always had a lot on your mind.

Since then, you’ve been going out a lot again, and surprisingly Sarah was joining you quite a bit lately. You had felt bad almost completely cutting off your friends just because they were also JJ’s friends. You just didn’t want it to seem like you wanted them to pick sides because ultimately, there were no sides. Right now Sarah was over at your place and you were waiting on the food the two of you had ordered before going out for the night, “so what’s the plan, Y/N?” “Guess we’ll just go to one of the bars or clubs downtown. Can you wing-woman me,” you asked her, lightly laughing. Sarah started slightly laughing along with you, “sure. But uh, and don’t take this the wrong way but, what if we just went out to have a good time tonight? If you meet someone, you meet someone. Don’t try to force finding someone.” You looked at Sarah thoughtfully, maybe she was right. The last few times you’d gone out, and with Sarah, she helped you find someone, and you’d gone on a few dates. Maybe tonight could just be more of a chill night out, “you know what, yeah, you’re right. Do you wanna call Kiara and see if she wants to join too?” Sarah was silent for a second while she stared blankly, “um, I actually don’t know if she’s free. I think she had plans tonight, uh, with the boys.” “Oh okay that’s fine, just me and you then,” you smiled at her. Sure you hadn’t seen Kiara in a while, maybe it was mostly on you, but sometimes it sucked, guess that’s what happens when you want a break from one of your friend’s best friend.

When I’m kissing ya, grippin’ ya thigh.

I realized you were destined and meant to be mine.

But who am I to conflict with ya livin’ your life?

Just know when you call, I’m at the end of the line.

I’ll practice my patience, while you’re getting wasted.

Till fate brings you home, I’ll wait through your phases.

You’ll shuffle through faces, like songs in your playlist.

Till fate brings you home, I’ll wait through your phases, phases.

I’ll wait, I’ll wait through your phases, phases.

For you, I’ll wait through your phases, phases.

I’ll wait, I’ll wait, I’ll wait through your phases.

JJ could admit that these past few months had been hard, but what he hated to admit even more was that it was also getting easier. You never texted him and even Sarah wouldn’t talk as much about you to JJ either. She felt bad because she had started hanging out with you more and more and she didn’t really want it to seem like she was rubbing it in JJ’s face in any way. JJ did appreciate that Sarah was doing that for him, and he also appreciated that you had Sarah, he figured it must’ve been hard for you not being able to talk to any of your friends, but it is what you decided.

JJ didn’t really go out much, he didn’t enjoy it as much as he used to when he would go with you. John B. did make him go out a couple times, especially recently since Sarah was going out with you. Nothing ever happened when he went out, he mostly would just sit at their table and had a couple drinks. JJ was waiting on you.

I’m really tired of being soft spoken.

You got me broke, writing songs about you daily and it’s messing with my focus.

You fuck with him, but we both realized that he was bogus.

I’m the one for you, so why do I feel like I go unnoticed.

I’m talking more than clothes hittin’ floors.

I’m falling off track, but not the rack, like a chore.

Oh, look, another butterfly, I feel it in my core.

Even though you ain’t mine, it’s the fact that I’m yours.

It’s the fact that my life ain’t complete without yours.

It’s the fact that at night I be tryna ignore.

Catching overseas flights just to knock on your door, cause you put my planet in orbit.

Stargirl, your body’s so solar.

Promise you, baby, I’m sober.

Just wait till you give in and finally come over.

I can’t wait to tell you, “I told ya, I told ya, I told ya.”

It’s been about half a year without any contact from you, and JJ is going crazy. Not only that, but now he’s more stressed and worried than he was in the first two months. He didn’t think it’d be like this for this long. He thought maybe you could’ve even been friendly with each other but if you weren’t going to message him, he didn’t want to feel like he was overstepping and intruding on your space.

JJ was also frustrated though because he really, really, really thought you’d at least even tell him that you didn’t want to be together by now. But maybe if you hadn’t it was a good sign, right? He needed to know something though, even if it wasn’t him directly that was finding out.

JJ: Sarah, can I ask you for a favour?

Sarah: shoot

JJ: could you see where Y/N’s head is at rn? I’m kinda freaking out

Sarah: actually I can do you one better

JJ: ??

Sarah: she’s still figuring things out BUT she’s not confused about things as much and she thinks she knows what she wants

Sarah: before you ask tho, she didn’t tell me where she stands or what she’s doing. she probably figured you’d ask or I’d tell you, which I wish I could do

Sarah: I know you’re stressing, but hopefully it won’t be for much longer bc she’ll tell you something soon one way or another

Sarah: but I hope it’s in the way that you’re both happy and together :)

JJ: thanks Sarah, I really appreciate it

JJ: keep me updated if she tells you anything or you hear anything

Sarah: of course, same goes for you

Wow, at the beginning of all this, JJ definitely did not think Sarah would be like his saving grace through it all. She’s honestly been the most helpful and straightforward, making sure JJ was feeling all his feelings and not hiding from any of his friends. She wanted him to know that she was there for him, and so were the boys and Kiara.

I’ll practice my patience, while you’re getting wasted.

Till fate brings you home, I’ll wait through your phases.

You’ll shuffle through faces, like songs in your playlist.

Till fate brings you home, I’ll wait through your phases, phases.

I’ll wait, I’ll wait through your phases, phases.

For you, I’ll wait through your phases, phases.

I’ll wait, I’ll wait, I’ll wait through your phases.

So much time has passed, and you knew now for sure, that you were ready to be with JJ. But since so much time had passed, with no contact at all, you weren’t sure how he still felt. What you did know was that you had to tell him everything you felt before because even though you knew you wanted to be with him, he needed to know that he wanted to be with you. There was not one bone in JJ’s body that didn’t want to be with you, but you didn’t know that.

Y/N: Sarah, do you know where JJ is?

Y/N: PLEASE DON’T TELL HIM IM LOOKING FOR HIM!!!!

Sarah: I won’t dw

Sarah: and he’s at John B.’s, we all are

Y/N: okay please all stay there

You were on your way to John B.’s and to say you were nervous was an understatement. You hadn’t seen any of them, other than Sarah, for half of a year. You just hope none of them changed their opinion of you and hated you now.

Y/N: I’m here, do you think you could try to get JJ to come out without telling him it’s me

You waited a minute until Sarah responded.

Sarah: he’s coming!!!

You waited on John B.’s front lawn and then JJ opened the door. You didn’t know what Sarah said to him to get him to come out, but he started looking around until he saw you, which caused him to do a double take. “Y/N? Wha-what are you doing here?” JJ started to come over to where you were standing. “I uh, I uh, wanted to see you. I-is that okay,” you were a lot more nervous than you thought you were going to be. “Yeah of course. Is um, something wrong?” “I guess that depends.” “Depends on what? You’re kinda worrying me.” “I have something to say to you. And I need to say it all before uh, any kind of decision is made.” “Oh um okay. Go ahead.” You took a deep breath and started.

“When I told you that I wanted to just take a break for a while, I said it was for me and to figure out who I was, which is partly true. I ended up realizing though, that wasn’t the only reason,” JJ tilted his head in confusion at you while you continued, “I realized that it was for you too. And yes, I know that it wasn’t your idea and you still supported me and the decision, but it was for you. It was for you through me. I wanted to make sure you were happy, I didn’t want you to regret being with me,” JJ opened his mouth to say something, but you stopped him, “I just wanna finish,” which he nodded at. “I didn’t want to end up being a burden on you and then have you resenting me in the future for who I was. And I know it sounds ridiculous, these scenarios that haven’t happened about problems you’ve never even voiced. But I guess I not only wanted to grow for me, but I wanted to grow for you, because I love you. I love you so much JJ Maybank.”

JJ had the biggest smile on his face as he pulled you into hug and then put his hands on either side of your face softly and kissed you. You swear you’d never been happier. JJ pulled away, both of you with the same goofy smiles. “I love you Y/N, so much. I’m just glad that we’re together again.” “Me too.” Then before JJ could kiss you again, you heard banging on the windows and when you and JJ looked, John B., Pope, Kiara and Sarah had all been watching through the window the whole time. You and JJ laughed while the four of them just cheered. “Let’s give em a show then,” and JJ pulled you into another kiss.

#jj maybank imagine #outer banks imagine #obx imagine #jj maybank #outer banks #obx #sams work

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ericssmile · 4 years

Text

biggest mistake|| n.jm

warning(s): swearing; mention of divorce; slight suggestion but never implied?? idk there’s a mention of dick sucking is what I’m trying to get at; and very shit writing

pairing: na jaemin x reader

other character(s): huang renjun, lee haechan, lee jeno, mark lee and kim jungwoo

genre: childhood!friends to ex-friends; angst; bits of fluff if you look close enough

author: @ericssmile

summary: you and jaemin were pretty much joint at the hip since you were born, but.. high school came along and jaemin pretty much dumped you for popularity. but two years later, jaemin starts crawling back. why the sudden change of heart jaemin?

word count: 3k words

a/n: alright so this is pretty much my first ever full on fic... so imma little nervous and scared; but I hope you guys enjoy it!

High school. Every teenager's worst nightmare. Unfortunately, we all have to go through with it whether we like it or not. The constant amount of homework for far too many classes; and the teachers expecting everyone to spend a god awful amount of time on it; and friendships that come and go... and come back again, only for them to fuck off once again.

You know exactly how this feels. This hell, known as High School, has caused you so much stress. Not only that, but also this one “friendship”, a friendship that you have had since you were in diapers. This “friend” was now known as the schools “Heartthrob”. And his name is Na Jaemin.

Every time you see him, you can’t help but to roll your eyes at how ridiculous he is. Because, how can one sweet little boy turn into something he most certainly is not? How can said sweet boy promise to always be there for you, no matter what, but instead dumps you like garbage for popularity?

It’s definitely been a wild, yet confusing roller coaster of events.

You weren’t going to lie though; Jaemin was handsome. Had been blessed with good looks since the day he was born. It’s just his personality now that was not as attractive. There had been a couple of times when Jaemin had caught you staring at him -though from your point of view, it was more so glaring- at him, and he of course, in a true Na Jaemin matter, smirked and gave you a cheeky wink. It made you gag just slightly. But deep down, you couldn’t control the butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

Sometimes you couldn’t help but miss him at times. The places that you used to go together all the time, you passed by everyday; memories flooding back. You don’t go to them any more, the memories alone hurting you enough. You miss the way he had made you laugh; and how he was there for you when your parents were going through quite a rough divorce. Just thinking about him and all the happy memories you made together, hurts you to the point where you start feeling numb. And somewhere down the road, you asked yourself; “Did I fall in love with my best friend?” To answer your question, yes, yes you did. How clichè right? Well.. you can never really control how your heart feels I guess. And to this very day, deep, deep, deep down, -even if you won’t admit it to yourself- you’re still in love with him.

It was currently lunch time. The only time where you can be by yourself and away from all the distractions such as your two closest friends. Lee Haechan and Huang Renjun. One is a crackhead who is always loud (but never fails to make you laugh); and the other... is somewhat normal but is still very much a crackhead at times. The only day where they let you be by yourself is Wednesday’s. You’d always wondered why but never had the chance to ask. You assumed it was to let them study, but then that never made sense. Because they get distracted and never study. Unless they have to.

You enjoyed sitting outside, where the air was fresh with the scent of freshly cut grass withering in the air. You had this specific tree that you liked to sit under. It had the most comfortable patch of grass to sit on, and the trunk of the tree wasn’t too scratchy, but instead was very smooth to touch. And the shade that the green and red leaves supported was just right. You always had a book to read that you’ve borrowed from the schools library and your earphones playing a lofi playlist from your phone. It was your favourite way to relax and unwind, even if it was only for one hour or so.

Letting out a deep sigh, you take your twilight bookmark and put it between the pages you were up to, placing the book carefully beside you. You picked up your phone, tapping your fingers along to the soft beat, deciding to change the tempo and play a different song. Scrolling through the list of songs, you stop and press on Jason Derulo’s ‘Breathing’. For you, this song has a sentimental meaning. And for your mood right now, it’s definitely a perfect fit. You only ever listen to it when your mind starts wondering about thoughts of Jaemin. Always taking you back to all the good times you two shared. Sure, the lyrics have a completely different meaning to how Jason sings it, but you couldn’t help the way that you interpreted the song. You missed your best friend. When he left you felt like you couldn’t breath. It hurt watching him with Jeno and co. He looked genuinely happy. In a way, you felt betrayed. You hated the way it made you feel so small. You hated how you just wanted to run to him and hug him, to hear his voice and laugh again. To have him smile at you. I mean after all, he was meant to be your lifelong friend; you never expected him to do such a thing.

Listening to the song makes you remember moments you had. Like the first “competitive” snow ball fight with Jaemin win you were seven; you won that bout, though of course Jaemin kept saying that he let you win. And also, your very first day of high school. You had a ridiculous amount of nerves, but he was always there, right by your side, telling you that you and him were going to get through it together. That was probably the day you fell in love with him, without even noticing it.

And sometimes, you can’t help but come up with scenarios in your head. Imagining how life would be if he never left you for those popularity points; he would still be your best friend. You imagine your 16th birthday differently. Jaemin being there. He’d thrown you a party at his house, inviting all of your friends and simply just having the time of your lives. Sure, your actual 16th was fun and all, but Jaemin wasn’t there. He always knew how to liven up a party. Instead, he was with his “popular” friends; Lee Jeno, Mark Lee and Kim Jungwoo, completely forgetting about your birthday. To say that it killed you a little is a complete understatement.

Before you knew it, your head is leaning against the trunk of the tree, eyes closed, ears listening intently to the lyrics and beat; your lips moving along with Jason as he sang. Once again, multiple images of Jaemin were popping into your head. Scenarios that you’ve seen many times. Y/N and Jaemin, the inseparable tormentors; laughing, smiling, clowning around with all of your teachers and pulling ridiculous pranks on them. But then brand new scenarios showed up. Images where it’s 10 or 20 years into the future. Mr and Mrs Na. Nothing coming in between your love for one another and your own little family.

“Good to know that you still have killer vocals.” The sudden voice of your former friend caught you off guard, causing you to jolt slightly, dropping your phone into the patch of dead grass beside you.

Where the fuck did he come from

“Jesus Christ Jaemin! Don’t sneak up on someone like that!” You snark at the boy, only to see him smiling softly. Darn that god damn smile and causing you to get stupid butterflies. And an irregular heart beat. Why must he have an effect like this? It’s not fair.

Jaemin chuckles softly, plopping himself down next to you, letting out a deep groan as he reaches the ground. You know that kind of groan that a dad makes when they sit down? Yeah, that kind of groan. He rests his head next to yours on the trunk of the tree. This is the first time in a long time that he was able to relax; to really be away from all your typical high school girls who stared at him like as if he was Leonardo DiCaprio or something. Jaemin wasn’t going to lie, it was starting to get tiresome. And very creepy now that he thinks about it.

Sometimes he wishes that he could go back to his old life, where everything was normal. When he was with you. But, thanks to his stupid decision to let you go, he missed so many eventful moments with you. Your 16th birthday; also your 17th; when you got your driver's license; your first car; even your first job… why did he ever let you go to begin with?

“Sorry Y/N,” he starts, turning his head towards you. “Just had to point out that you still have the voice of an angel.” He shrugs nonchalantly, a sly smirk pulled onto his face.

One thing that you two did a lot together 24/7, was karaoke; you always won only because Jaemin had been in awe over how angelic your voice sounded.

The roll of your eyes didn’t go unnoticed by the boy and neither did your sarcastic chuckle. You were caught off guard by his statement to the point where you were almost speechless. But you kept your composure and crossed your arms across your chest. “Oh really? And how many girls have you said that to?” Your voice was stern, eyebrows raised and moved your hands to your lap, your grip on your phone tightening.

You tried to maintain eye contact with your former friend, but every now and then, your eyes -and self control- betrayed you and kept flickering to the smirk that every girl in school was head over heels for.

Jaemin’s signature smirk widened as he noticed this, but decided not to mention anything about it. To, you know, not mess with your little ego. But, as he thought over your question, his smirk slowly started fading away and instead, replaced it with a sad smile. His attention was now on his hands, playing with his silver ring that was worn on his middle finger; a nervous habit that he’s picked up ever since becoming friends with Jeno and co. And then, ever so quietly he says “Actually, you’re the only one I’ve said it to.” He then lifts his head, his sweet brown eyes meeting yours. Sincerity and hope written in them.

His heart was racing. And butterflies were going crazy in the pit of his stomach. He lets out a sigh, his breath wavering a little bit, his nerves starting to really show. The true Na Jaemin started to show himself.

This is the closest that the two of you had gotten since the second semester of 9th grade. God, even thinking about it makes him want to hate himself for what he did.

Your eyes were wide, expression shocked at the supposed heartthrobs confession. Those words you were not expecting at all. You were speechless. Actually speechless. Completely uncertain as to what to say or how to respond to that statement. What were you even supposed to say to that? Were you supposed to believe him? You wouldn’t know; you hadn’t really seen him be serenaded too

Because with the amount of desperate love struck teenage girls that serenaded him, he could’ve and he would’ve had the opportunity to tell them that “they had the voice of an angel.”, even if he was lying through his teeth. Because no one compares to you. Although something deep down inside of you was telling you that you should believe him. You tried pushing that thought away, but it stuck to you like glue.

You put your full attention into Jaemin now; noticing how much his demeanor has changed within the first few minutes he had approached you. Jaemins usual flirty, chatty self, was now unusually quiet and shy. You could see him playing with his ring, then the zipper on his jacket and then back to his ring again. Your eyes flickered to the silver jewellery gracing his finger, instantly recognising it as the ring you had bought him for his 15th birthday. The last birthday that you had celebrated together.

Did he miss you too? Is that why he kept the ring when he could’ve given it away or even pawned it off? Cause that’s what ex-best friends do right? Get rid of the shit they bought for one another?

I mean… you never really did. You still kept the one teddy bear, that was adorned with a baby blue ribbon around its neck, that he had won for you when you went to the arcade. That bear is almost 10 years old.. of course you were going to keep it. It held so much sentimental value.. maybe that’s what the ring did for him? Maybe.

Jaemin coughs slightly, turning his body towards you so that you were face to face with one another. “You know Y/N,” he sighs, one of his hands reaching for yours slowly. He watches your reaction carefully as his fingers wrap around yours. Your mind was telling you to just snatch your hand away, but you decided to listen to your heart and let him hold your hand. “you probably won’t believe me when I say this, but, you’ve always been on my mind-“ You couldn’t help but roll your eyes and scoff slightly, being in some form of denial at his confession. But the grip that he had on your hand, told you that he was speaking the truth. “I expected that reaction, but it’s one hundred percent true. Would I really say it just because I could?” His voice was stern, filled with mixed emotions. Nervousness. Sadness. Anger?

Sighing, you lent your head back against the tree trunk, letting out a quiet “no”, a small pout following through. The feeling of his thumb running along your knuckles, your heart had skipped a beat. That one action alone making you go crazy on the inside. You swallowed hard, already feeling the palm of your hand begin to get clammy.

“Look, Jaemin-“ Just as you begin your sentence, it was cut off by the school bell, signally for everyone to start heading toward their designated classes. Although you were quite happy that it happened, cause now you don’t really have to finish what you were going to say.

Jaemin on the other hand, had other plans. He noticed you trying to stand up, but the grip he had on your hand was still firm, not allowing you to leave. Not letting you out of his life again. He needs this closure. Desperately.

“Ignore the bell. Please, just, say what’s on your mind. Please.” Jaemin states in a desperate plea, voice cracking a little. “I was an idiot for ever letting you go. I- I don’t understand myself for why I even did it.” At this point he wasn’t even thinking. He was just saying what was on his mind.

You bit your lip, feeling it tremble slightly. Eyes were becoming blurry due to the tears begging to fall. Taking a deep breath, you blinked them away, now noticing your friends Haechan and Renjun coming towards you. You sniffle, now using your other hand to remove Jaemins from yours. He broke then. His own tears were starting to spill from his own eyes. The sight alone causes your heart to break.

“I’m sorry Jaemin. I- I can’t.” Your voice was trembling. You tried so hard to keep your composure, but now this moment was starting to become too much for you. You start packing all your items back into your book bag, the sound of Jaemin quietly sobbing to himself as his knees scraping against the dirt. Now he really was becoming desperate.

“I know what I did was- was a dick move! I know! But… but I just want my best friend back.” He tries to reach for your hand again, but this time you move away from him, quickly wiping away your stray tears. Now you were starting to become pissed. All of a sudden he wants you back? It took him two years to even realise that?

You could see that Haechan and Renjun we’re now watching the scenario before them; their eyes wide and fists tightening on their bag straps. “Look Jaemin. You had two years. Two years.” Your voice was raising in anger, losing any kind of self control. “You dumped me like I was fucking garbage! For what? Popularity points? To get your dick wet? Is that it?” At this point, you couldn’t care less if you were causing a scene. Almost everyone was watching the commotion. “Do you have any fucking idea how much it hurt, watching your supposed best friend having fun without you?” Your voice was dripping with venom, speaking your words through clenched teeth.

He felt pathetic on his knees in front of you with most of the students watching the two of you. This was the first time anyone had seen him cry. And he hated it. But on the other hand, he couldn’t care less.

“So Na Jaemin, it’s too fucking late for any pleads or apologies. I hope you have a fan-fucking-tastic life without me.” You made direct eye contact with Jaemin, his eyes were now beginning to become bloodshot red, his lip trembling.

You got yourself together, shaking your head and walking towards your friends. Their expressions were unreadable which was understandable. Even you had no idea what just happened. Too caught up in the moment. Blood pumping with anger.

Haechan and Renjun place their arms around your shoulders, walking you to your shared class. You just hoped to god that they won’t mention what just happened; because you just know that you’re gonna lose it.

As you walked away, Jaemin stayed in the exact position you left him in. On his knees in the dirt. His hands in front of them, helping him to keep his balance. The tears wouldn’t stop. His heart was breaking. And it was all his fault. He left you for popularity. Who would even do that? He did obviously.

God. How could he be so fucking stupid? Jeno, Mark and Jungwoo were by his side, but he just pushed them away. Getting to his feet and marching his way towards the boys bathroom. He fucked up this time. Now, there was no chance of having you back in his life.

a/n: ahhh... I am so very sorry about the it ended 😅; was lowkey kinda rushed??? but idk. I may edit it one day 🤷🏻‍♀️; if you liked it, I would love some feedback! Even if you didn’t like it! any kind of feedback would be lovely 🥺

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mycandylovefanatics · 4 years

Text

Muted Desires

Word count: 2k

Genre: Angst?? Maybe idk lmao

Warnings: Very, very mild NSFW at the end. Nothing you have to hide in your bedroom to read

This is based off of episode 4 of MCL University Life. I wasn’t happy with the way the game portrays his attitude towards us, and our candy just sitting there and taking it. I wanted to add a little more... idk detail to it and why he reacts the way he did? I also wanted to see this from his perspective. Anyways this is my first full oneshot that I’ve written in YEARS so please don’t judge, and feedback is always much appreciated <3

FYI:I do NOT normally do these so don’t request them, if you thought i took forever to get headcanons out then...

Also BIG thanks to my friend @mdme-sora for helping me with the title and being grammar police for me lololol love you girl!

Castiel plays the first few notes of the band’s opening song. He can hear the screams and shouts from behind the curtain as he drags his fingers over the strings of his guitar. The volume from the amp causes his ears to ring just a bit, but after performing so many times he’s used to it. He continues the same tune while the other members of the band join in, one by one until the different rhythms form into one. The screams get more impatient as they wait for the band to reveal themselves, but more specifically, him to reveal himself. The other instruments become silent as he plays the last few notes and the curtain finally rises. A moment of silence, and the crowd is silent with them, until he finally turns around to face the jam packed bar room. He steps up to the mic and introduces the band, not that the introduction was much needed in the first place. The crowd erupts into another fit of screams and cheers as the band starts singing the lyrics to one of their most well known songs. The crowd begins to sing along and dance to the beat, putting a faint smile on his face, unnoticeable by most people. He starts to walk around the small space on the stage and soon enough, Castiel finds himself slipping into that familiar trance that he always fades into whenever he performs. He drowns himself in his music, scanning the crowd but not actually taking them in, not actually seeing them. Nothing can break his focus-

Until his eyes land on you. He can feel his eyes widen and his heart begins to thump so hard he swears it might rip out from his chest. His breathing hitches and he almost fumbles the next line of lyrics, before he catches himself. Your eyes meet, but only for a split second as he forces himself to look away and regain his composure, focusing on a group of squealing girls directly in front of him. Why were you here? When did you get back? Had you been back for long? So many questions run through his mind at one time. The room is suddenly way too warm, his mouth is way too dry and he would want nothing more than a cold glass of water. Scratch that, an ice cold glass of beer. Luckily for him, the current song does not require him to have his hands occupied with his guitar. He takes off his jacket and tosses it to the side of the stage, hoping to alleviate some of the heat but nothing comes of it. It takes every bone in his body to not look at you again. Part of him questions whether or not that was actually you, but he knows. He would recognize those eyes in a sea of people any day.

Suddenly he finds himself wanting this concert to be over sooner than later, and it seems like forever until the final note to the last song of the night plays out. He says his normal ‘goodbye and thank you’ speech while his eyes scan the room for you. He catches a glimpse of your head walking towards the bathroom. The line is long, he notices with relief, which should give him plenty of time to have a quick chat with his band mates and mentally prepare himself to talk to you. He tries to remember the last time you two had spoken. What was it, four years ago now? You guys had kept in touch for a few weeks after you broke up, but eventually you both knew that you couldn’t keep going like that. The daily texts turned into weekly, the weekly turned into monthly and then soon enough, the monthly turned into…never. He feels his heart ache at the memory, but pushes the feeling away almost immediately. It’s been four years, why is he still wallowing in his feelings? Surely you didn’t feel anything for him anymore, so whatever feelings he did have were pointless. At least that’s what he tried to tell himself.

He’s talking to his band mate, Devin, when he notices you’ve come out of the bathroom. You’re making your way to the bar, and Castiel cuts his conversation short. “Hey, I’m gonna stay back and talk to an...old friend for a bit, I’ll catch you guys later.” Before Devin can respond, he’s walking off towards you. You’re pushing your way through, almost to the bar when he grabs your wrist, keeping his grip firm to keep you from going any further. You turn around with wide eyes, clearly not expecting him to be the one grabbing you. His heart starts beating again, but he forces his nerves back down and looks you in the eye. “Hi,” he says. That’s it. He wants to slap himself for it, but then again what else CAN he say?

You’re at a loss for words but force out a hesitant “Hel... Hello.”

“I didn’t know you were back in town, you didn’t tell me,” he says.

Your eyebrows raise up at this. “I haven’t had the chance to… And besides-”

He cuts you off before you can finish your sentence and before he can even stop himself. “No need to make excuses.” He says it a little more coldly than he means to. Or maybe he does mean to, he’s not sure. You start saying something but he cuts you off, again surprised by the sudden brashness in his tone. “So you show up to one of my concerts without saying anything and you didn’t think I’d notice?”

“What? No, it’s not that at all, I just-”

“I noticed you in the crowd during the concert,” he says. You look shocked that he noticed you in the first place, he smirks a bit. “I know there were a million people here tonight but you don’t blend in very well when I’ve known your face for years.”

You’re about to say something when a group of fan girls suddenly surrounds you. He can see the mixture of annoyance and amazement on your face, and he lightly grabs your wrist again. The feeling of your smooth skin makes his breathing hitch for a second.

“Let’s go somewhere a little less crowded.” You let him pull you towards the back of the bar, into a small broom closet. He left the door slightly cracked to allow air to flow in. People were passing by, employees, but they didn’t notice the two of you standing in there.

You looked at him for a moment, as if you were taking in the way his face had changed over the years. And it had, his jaw was more defined, his eyes seemed more intense. You felt a small wave of nostalgia though, as you realized his hair had stayed the exact same length and color from when you’d last seen him. When you first met him. You smiled up at him.

“I’m glad to be seeing you again, it’s been a while.”

He scoffs, “Glad to see me but didn’t bother telling me you were back in the first place.”

Your smile falters at this, and for a split second he feels bad. He doesn’t want to make you feel guilty yet for some reason he can’t stop his bottled up anger from spilling out. He isn’t expecting you to respond with the same snappiness, though.

“And what the hell was I supposed to say? We haven’t spoken in four years but yeah, it would have been totally not weird for me to suddenly get back in touch overnight only to say ‘Hey, I’m back in town’?” You roll your eyes and continue, “Especially after the way we left things, you KNOW it’s not that simple.”

His chest tightens at your response. He knows all too well that you’re right, but he doesn’t want to admit that. He just looks at you with that same glare he would give you whenever he was pissed off.

“You’re right actually, you’re the one who left. I guess you wouldn’t be coming back for me.” He desperately wants to tell himself to just shut the hell up, to just stop talking but he doesn’t.

“Is that what you wanted? Me to come back for you?” You ask. He knows your question is well placed, but he tries to deflect it.

“Pfft, seriously? You leave for years and then waltz back in here expecting me to be available just like that? Waiting nice and sweet for you?” He knows he’s stretching your words but he does this because he knows deep down, you’re right again. Maybe he did want you to come back for him, maybe he did want you to say how much you’d missed him.

“That's not what I meant and you know it,” you say. And he does know it.

“Hm, okay little girl…” His heart thumps as the words come out of his mouth before he can stop them. He plays it off like he means nothing by it, but he can’t deny the warm, yet painful feeling he gets when he remembers the way he used to call you that when you were together. He takes a deep breath and gives you his signature smirk. “How about we wipe the slate clean and start over?”

You nod your head and quickly change the topic. “Well, looks like your music is really taking off. I never imagined you’d be so famous that we’d have to hide just to have a normal conversation.”

He looks off to the side. “Yeah, that’s one of the many costs for fame. But, this is our hometown, where we got started so we’re more well known here. It’s not like this everywhere.”

You notice he seems to be uncomfortable with the topic so you change it again. “Well either way, you sounded great up there. You’ve definitely come a long way since we were in highschool.” He laughs, a real laugh this time, “I would hope so! I was only just getting started back then, and now I’m actually seeing how things are done. It helps to have some pretty good band mates as well.” You smile, he seems to be really happy with how far he’s come. You knew it had been his dream, and seeing it come true for him made you proud.

While you were glad to be conversing with your old friend, or maybe lover is a better word, you remembered that Chani was waiting for you, and you glanced towards the door. He notices how you look a bit anxious.

“If you’re bored just say so.”

Your eyes snap back at him, eyebrows raised again. “N-no it’s not that, it’s just, I came here with someone.”

His heart clenches again, and he can’t stop himself from asking. “Are you on a date?” The question is none of his business, he knows that. But he wants to know anyway.

“Oh, no definitely not,” you are sure why you put emphasis on ‘definitely’. “I’m here with a friend from school, her name is Chani.” He feels relief in his chest, and peeks through the door. He wants to keep you here, wants to keep talking to you. But he feels like he’s about to explode, and it’s suddenly way too hot again. He ends the conversation.

“Well, looks like the crowd has died down. I’m going to go get a drink, I could really go for a beer right now. I’ll see you around.”

And with that he leaves you in the closet by yourself. He walks to the bar and sits on one of the stools, immediately getting attention from a few girls still lounging in the bar. He orders his choice of beer, chugging it as soon as it’s in his hands. Normally he’d be packing up his equipment and getting into bed as soon as possible, but tonight he knew he was gonna need more than a good night’s sleep to process what had just happened.

He entertains the blonde woman by his side, who is trailing her finger up and down his arm, tracing his tattoos. She was saying something about his performance, no doubt saying something about how good he looked up on stage. He had heard it all before, but that’s not why he was zoned out. His gaze shifts past the blonde’s head, and sees you walking towards the exit, Chani, he assumed, by your side. It was as if you could feel his eyes boring into your back because just as you were about to walk through the door, you stopped and turned. Your eyes met once more that night. He couldn’t tell what you were thinking, though he desperately wished he could. Your eyes stayed locked like that for what felt like eternity, before you continued your way out the door once your friend got your attention again. As per request, the bartender gave him another beer bottle. And another, and another. The woman on his arm luckily, doesn’t notice how he’s not listening to a word she’s saying. His clouded mind is focused on you and you alone. How much you’d changed, how you looked so different but still the same. The way your voice still went up a pitch when you got irritated. How your eyes would crinkle whenever you’d laugh. The way that no matter how many people were in a room, his eyes would always find you. Just like they did tonight.

He downs his last beer as if it were water, and stands up from the bar. He drapes an arm around the woman, who he can’t for the life of him remember her name, or if she had even told him what it was in the first place. He leans against her and whispers in her ear, “Why don’t we go back to my place?” And without hesitation, she accepts. They stroll out of the bar together and walk back to his place, as it’s only a few blocks away. He hurriedly opens the door and pushes her through it, kissing her in a slightly drunken haze, not waiting a second to start discarding articles of clothing. He can feel her touching him, he can feel his hot skin melting with hers, and he feels good. But as he’s running his hands up and down the curves of her body, sucking and licking on her neck while she pants in his ear, he can’t help but to wish it were you instead.

#mcl #mclul #mcl oneshot #mcl headcanons #castiel #mcl castiel #mclul castiel #castiel headcanons #mycandylove #mcl headcanon #Castiel headcanon #mclul headcanon #mclul headcanons

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years

Note

Spending Christmas Eve with Arthur & surprise kiss under mistletoe (headcanon) ☺️🎄

Implied smut at end.

I feel like this is really bad? IDK.

You had been planning your Christmas with Arthur for months.

Nothing and no one were going to stop you from spending the entire holiday with Arthur.

Not even you.

“Y/N, you don’t have to do this for me.”

Though he was speaking as quietly and as patiently as he usually does, you could tell by the hopeful glint in his eyes and the anxious way that he was toying with the cuffs of his beloved yellow hoodie that Arthur really did want to do all of these things with you.

“Yeah, I do, Arthur.” At his uncertain dart upwards with his eyes do you say, “I want to.”

Whatever your usual Christmas plans are, Arthur wants in on them all, no matter how silly or childish they seem.

When you tell him that you’re deciding to spend the holiday with him, though???

Poor boi loses his mind.

He laughs in disbelief, so hard that he ends up crying.

He shakes his head, apologising as best as he can, but you just tug him into your arms and you hold him, your fingers stroking easily through his dark locks as you calm him.

His laughing fit only makes you even more sure of your decision.

You want him to experience every possible tradition, food, activity, game, etc. about Christmas.

Whether you’re religious or not, he wants to do everything with you. All of it.

Whether you think he’d enjoy it or not is a moot point, because he’s with you and so therefore he would enjoy it.

Arthur loves the music of the season!!!!

You woke up once in the night, not sure of what had woken you, but as you came to you realised that Arthur’s fingers were trailing up and down your arm, his fingers tapping out the beat to the last song which had played on the radio before bed.

You smiled, pulled him closer, and Arthur crooned some lyrics in your ear; his soft voice being just what you needed to lull you back into Morpheus’ embrace, though even a deity can’t protect you as well as Arthur can.

“Arthur, honey, what would you like for Christmas? Not what I want, not what we need for the apartment, what do you want?”

An edge of frustration crept into your voice.

You had asked him this so many times and you heard his answer in your head before he even said it:

“I already have everything I want.” His intense stare and the happiness on his face says the next word for him, which settles like a blanket of snow between your bodies:

You.

Soon enough, it’s Christmas Eve and you’re really getting into the swing of things now.

You leave out some gingerbread biscuits and mince pies for Father Christmas and his reindeer (you both know nothing’s going to touch them but you want Arthur to get the full experience; he would have missed out on it all when he was a child).

You both go to bed, giddy as children, and your jaw aching with how wide you were smiling as you pulled him into your arms, sleep finding you both quite quickly.

The first thing you decide that you need to show Arthur in the morning, on the big day, was your personal favourite thing about Christmas:

Giving presents!

You hadn’t labelled any of the presents you had gotten him, you had only wrapped them.

You had already given other people their presents, anyway.

With Arthur out in the living room tidying up the cups and plates and emptying out his ashtrays, it seemed convenient to reach under the bed and pull out all the presents you had gotten for him.

You had wrapped all of them as best as you could, putting so much effort into it that you had even impressed yourself, and now did you take them to the living room, your knees almost bowing under all the weight.

Arthur lingered in the doorway of the kitchen, his green eyes inquisitive.

“Y-Y/N, wh-what are you doing? Shouldn’t you have given those out before today?”

With a truly happy smile on your face did you look over at the absolute love of your life.

“I have.”

You saw that he still didn’t understand and, knowing that he would respond to your next words with painful laughter, did you say, “Arthur, honey, these are yours.”

Three, two, aaaaand -

Painful laughter ripped forth from Arthur’s throat and you nodded solemnly, crossing the room to comfort him.

You held him tightly through the attack, stroking his dark hair and kissing his temple and you stayed.

When he was calm did you lead him to the gifts you had gotten him.

You felt bad that you hadn’t gotten him more, but you had already spent too much money this month so it was the best you could do.

Arthur only ever deserved your best.

You got him: a new journal, a proper winter coat, the biggest multipack of cigarettes you could find (even if you disliked the vice, you wouldn’t deny him anything and so with a wrinkled nose had you bought them), more makeup for work (he had literally been scraping the bottom of the barrel this morning, a concerned frown on his face as he looked at the calendar - another two weeks until payday; he couldn’t go that long without Carnival), another clown wig, and - a bright red two piece suit.

To you, it wasn’t anything special and you felt guilty that you couldn’t give him more.

Arthur unwrapped every present slowly, his flat palms tracing over every gift which was cushioned in his bony lap as he undid the tape with spidery fingers. He folded the discarded paper and you knew it’d become pressed in the pages of his new journal as irrefutable proof of this night.

With reverence did Arthur look over everything you got him, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, his cheeks damp with overflowing love as he looked up at you like you were an angel.

His angel.

He told you as much before he kissed you deeply in thanks; his lips so fierce against your own that it made your toes curl in your socks.

Then, he crossed over to the tiny desk in the corner of the room and grabbed his battered brown journal and joke book, flicking to a certain page easily and holding it out to you.

“I couldn’t afford to get you a gift,” He mumbled, embarrassed, the tips of his ears turning the same delicate shade of pink as the one on his cheeks, “But I… here, Y/N.”

You took the journal, seeing Arthur struggling so completely for words made you deeply curious, and your eyes roamed over the page, a blush coming to your own face before you focused on the very first word and read it slowly, savouring the pages upon pages of scribbles, doodles and words; some crossed out, more misspelled and some written with care.

It was all about you - your favourite things were drawn around the corners of the pages, smiley faces and crooked love hearts dotted the pages and acted as punctuation, things you had said to him or done together, things he wanted to do with and to you…. pages upon pages… you counted eighteen before a sealed envelope fell out of the journal.

Quickly did Arthur scoop it up. “T-That’s the journal finished… I - I wanted to write you something, to give you something to open.”

Arthur moved all of his gifts over to the armchair which Penny used to sit in so that you could sit on the sofa, holding the envelope in your hands.

You were getting teary eyed just seeing your name written in Arthur’s writing, and with a slight shake to your hand did you break the seal, Arthur sitting beside you and taking your other hand.

With his other hand did he pull his trick out of his trousers pocket - a piece of mistletoe.

He had refrained from buying a pack of cigarettes in order to buy it fresh and he had kept it in his pocket all day, waiting for the perfect moment.

He watched you read his letter once, twice, three and then four times; your emotions playing out on your face like a film.

He watched as you teared up, smiled, gasped softly or squeezed his hand as you read the letter a fifth time.

“Arthur, I - you - I love you so fucking much”

“I know,” A quiet murmur of truth, “I love you too. You’re my everything.”

Distracted sufficiently by his letter did Arthur reach his arm up to hold the mistletoe over your heads.

You followed his arm up, up, and smiled.

“You know what my favourite part of Christmas is?”

“What?” You smiled even wider, knowing where this was going.

“Following traditions.”

In a rare bout of confidence which channelled his future self did Arthur claim your lips with his and the rest of the day was spent in a blissful haze of love, lust and everything in between.

The Arthur Fleck/Joker Defense Squad @writings-of-a-gen-z @x-avantgarde-x @insomniabird @mavalenovaninagavi @itwasrealenough @morrisonmercurymalek @rand0ms-fand0ms @rafaelina-casillas @aclownthing @vivft @help-i-am-obssessed @autumnaffection @taintednihilist @vladtoly @mg-woolf99 @misstgrey92 @that-s-life @dopey-girl-blogs @seeking-dreamland @sweetheart-syndrome @heartxfdesire @xmusichealsthesoulx @0callmejude0 @the-one-that-likes-riddles @hannibalsslut @folliaght @freeeshavacadoo @bingewatchingmylifegoby @unlovedbyeveryoneandeverything @okamiredfoxx @sp0okysp0oky @the-pandorabox @mardema @jibanyyan @honeyflvredcoughdrop @emissarydecksetter @jokerfleckk @epidendroideae @chuuntas @stillmabel @pumpkinpeyes @onehystericalqueenposts @the-jokers-wolf @nalsswa @justahyena @arianatheangelworld @soullessblondbitch @gothamslittlejester @twentyonestarrynights @sirianfromsixties @kissmeclownman @joker-is-my-hero @lazyloosah @lovesickkloxx @ladylovelyluna @live-love-loki @clownerybbxx @tragicarthur @anmach123 @rommie-chan @arthurflock @lucyboytom @anti-peach @immortal-bi-bitch @hearthurfleck @crazieroutthere @curlystark @hailmary-yramliah @sagyunaro @playinthedarktillitsgoldenagain @jokeringcutio @xenthefox @mijachula@stcrrynightsinneverlcnd @cheyennejonas22 @mrjfleck @pauli1100 @smitten-susie @actualkey @callmejokerfleck @jaylovesbats @itsforyoubitch @ridiculousnerd @killerprotector3579 @soulsdontbreaktheybeeend @fantasticwinnerclodexpert @arthurs-sweater @pinkie44pie @tsukiakarinobara @prettyxlittlexpsychoxprincess @elodia-gahan @yours-mia @rustyt33th @parkdonghoons @lady-carnivals-stuff @hobi-hobi-kyo-kkyu @jupiturde @incognitofish @j-sux @nothing-but-a-comedy @tahliamalfoydepp

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #331

my head hurts way too badly to think up some intro lyrics, so just g’night.

Have you ever become good friends with someone you never met in person? Oh yeah, I've had best friends over the Internet. Hell, I'm closer to many online friends than I am most irl ones. They know "the real me" more. What do you consider your default mood to be? Stressed, probably. Discontent. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Not long. Proper goldfish husbandry is a very neglected topic, and I sure as hell never knew how to set up its tank adequately. Have you ever been paintballing? No, don't plan to. It looks like it hurts like a bitch. Do you want a large wedding? No. Did you ever collect any sort of cards? I had a very small collection of Pokemon cards. I didn't collect them avidly. What’re the best and worst books you ever had to read for a class? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton was the best. The worst was some book we had to read in the 6th grade about a kid during some war that moved around a lot... I don't remember the name or who wrote it, but it sucked. What’s the best meal you had at an amusement park, or If you haven’t been to one, how about a good meal at another place like a zoo, aquarium or museum? I don't know. I haven't been to many. Who, whether a person or company, emails you the most? My PHP therapist emails me a check-in sheet and Zoom link every day there's a therapy session. What kind of sound or noise freaks you out the most and why do you think it scares you? Let's seeeee... I don't know if there's a sound that actually freaks me out. There are some I don't like, but none that like, frighten me. At least that I can think of. What’s the strangest art piece you’ve come across? Biiiitch there's a painting in Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs I'm not gonna go into, but shit fuckin wild. What’s the most clever or unique name you’ve come across for a business? I've definitely heard some cool ones, but I don't know about one that really stands out to answer this. If you had to name one of your hypothetical future children after a song, which song would you pick? Maybe like... okay, I'm blanking. Good thing I'm not having kids to name then, right? What’s the last song you heard? "Down in the Park" by Marilyn Manson is on atm. What is your favorite line from a TV show? *shrug* Any current family issues? No. How many hours do you spend online a day? How do you feel about that? I'm doing something on the computer pretty much... always. I hate it, and I hate it a lot. I don't want my life to be tied solely to the digital plane. I want to do more than bounce back and forth from website to website. Do you think that people have the power to make their own lives better? Absolutely, but there are some things they simply cannot change. It's about perspective and how you play the deck you're dealt. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? Right now, the most limiting thing is my physical health, probably. Just walking being torture affects my ability to exercise, and my body is a major reason - if not the biggest, at this current time - for my depression. This also plays a massive role in jobs I can handle. Not to sound like my emo self writing middle school poetry, but my body feels like a prison. Do you feel that you are loved? I know I am by some people, though I have a hard time understanding why a lot. What is the one thing you want most from life? Life satisfaction. Pride in what I've accomplished. A regular state of being content. Birthplace? I'm just gonna say in eastern NC. Do you believe in love at first sight? No, merely infatuation. Love is much too deep for that. Do you think dreams eventually come true? Some can, but usually only if you put effort into making that so. Favorite fictional character? like ummmmmmmm have you heard of this sassy bastard called Darkiplier- Go to the movies or rent? Before Covid, I loved going to the theater. It was something to do, plus a giant screen is nice. McDonalds or Burger King? McD's. I'm not a big BK fan. I only really went there during my vegetarian phase for the veggie burger. Current annoyance? This motherfucking headache. Last thing you ate? I have a meal replacement shake with me right now, if you consider that "eating." I didn't have a proper dinner. The last solid food I had though was some cookies and cream Greek yogurt. Last thing you bought? With my own money, I think I bought Mom and I some cheap McDonald's order semi-recently? Or maybe paying my $100 deposit for my tattoo was most recent, idk. Soonest thing you are looking forward to? For Mom to get her CT scan and find out what's going on in there. What did you do today? It was a pretty average day. I woke up way too early, though. The only thing even semi-unique about today was I played World of Warcraft for a few hours again; I've been quite unattached to it lately, but I went through an episode today of actually having fun playing. Oh, and I've been battling a migraine. It's more of a severe headache now, at least, but it still sucks big time. Do you like to see it snowing outside? Oh yes, absolutely! When you were in high school did you ever have bomb threats? I believe once we did from a very volatile student that honestly caused quite a lot of trouble. He's dead now. Who knows ALL of your secrets? Nobody. Did you have a job before you were in college? No. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a baby right now? That's a terrifying thought, no. Are you on birth control? Yeah, but just because it tames my menstrual cramps. Without it, they could be debilitating some days. Who is your last sent text to? My best fren. Have you ever eaten at Chipotle before? Possibly? Idr. Do you swear often? Excessively. I had a dirty mouth prior, but my swearing got really bad when I started staying at Jason's house a lot. He and especially his mother swear like mad. Do you own any shirts with a peace symbol on it? No. Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house? Not at this house, no. Would you ever go to Japan? Oh, yes. I would love to. It's... very morbid, but I would really like to walk the (public) paths of Aokigahara Forest, nicknamed "Suicide Forest" for the horrible amount of, well, suicides that happen there via hanging. Like, you might just casually run into a dead body. I want to just... feel it there, walk in silence and empathize with people who didn't know what else to do and hope so deeply that those departed know they were never alone in their pain. I know with absolute certainty I'd probably be teary-eyed the whole time and cry a whoooole lot, but it's just an experience I want to have. What was the last thing you went to Walmart for? Some basic groceries. What should you be doing right now? Sleeping, given this headache... I just don't want to yet. Are you afraid of getting your heart broken? I'm fucking terrified of that ever happening again, far more than words can properly express. Have you ever been in a choir? Yes, actually; when I was a Catholic kid, my sisters and I were in the church choir for a year or so, idr. Do you have a Twitter? Yes, but only to like Mark's tweets, haha. Oh, and very rarely enter giveaways I'm interested in. Describe your retainers to me, if you have them, that is. I have a permanent metal one behind my front row of bottom teeth to keep those straight. My upper teeth had one of those normal retainers you take in and out, but I didn't wear it enough, so now it doesn't even fit. Would you like for someone to call you right now? No. I'm tired, my head hurts, and I'm enjoying the song I'm bingeing. It's so weird, I rarely ever go on music hunting trips (no real reason, I just... don't), but I've found great shit lately. Do you like to brush your teeth? No; it's a chore. I only do it because I don't want my teeth decaying, falling out, or getting too yellow, and the taste in your mouth and gritty texture on your teeth isn't exactly great when you don't brush. Have you ever had a surgery? Two. Give out your phone number over the internet? I have over private messages. Do you look older or younger than you actually are? Given my wardrobe (like graphic tees and band shirts), I probably look younger in the eyes of especially older people. I personally say I look my age, though. When is the next time you’ll be up on stage? I never plan to be again. What is the last show that you watched a full episode of? Some cooking show with Mom. Nailed It!, I think? Do you know anyone who lives in Utah? No. I love Utah, though; it's actually a place I'd be willing to live in with just how pretty it is and not super populated. Do you get your feelings hurt easily? VERY. I'm probably one of the most sensitive people you can meet. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yeah. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Ugh, yes. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? First we took those nasty, chalky Flintstones kinds, but as time passed, Mom moved onto giving us gummy bear vitamins that were perfectly fine. Did you get any compliments today? No. Are you friends with your neighbors? Not "friends," no. What towns have you lived in? Three different ones. That's all you're getting. Have you ever thrown up from drinking? No. Done any illegal drugs? No. I mean I've had some alcohol underage, but I've never done anything remotely hardcore. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been on an airplane without changing flights? Idk. Who have you texted today? My mom and best friend. What time did you wake up this morning? Ugh, like five in the fucking morning. I couldn't go back to sleep. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Making shitty eye contact, and I'm one of those people who "talks with [their] hands." I also lose my train of thought a whoooole lot. Have you ever layed in a hammock? Yeah; we had one growing up. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? Well yeah, I've had lots of pets, so thus lost some in particularly painful ways. The most scarring loss of a pet though is as follows: Teddy, my dog, picked up one of our cat's very young, wandering kittens in his jaws in a manner that looked as if he was trying to carry it like Aphrodite (the mother cat) does when she would bring them back behind the couch, where she gave birth/had her little "nest." I absolutely freaked and had to pry the kitten from his mouth, and it slowly died in my hands. I think Teddy accidentally crushed its ribs. I. Was. A. Mess. Then, there was Aphrodite herself. I've told the story before of our former neighbors calling animal control because our cats would wander through their yard, and all of our cats were taken away while I was unaware at school. Came home, and they were all gone. Aphrodite was my baby, so I was devastated. Screaming, sobbing, cursing on the porch for like 20 minutes... It was awful. What type of curtains do you like? I don't... know? I don't know the actual names of any types... What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? I absolutely cannot be friends with someone who thinks they're above everyone else. Are you any good at reading someone's body language? I think I am. What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Cookies! Especially Oreos. Dip it in there for around five seconds, and it's perfection. What fruit is too sweet to you? Grapefruit came to mind first. How did you feel after your first kiss? I had butterflies galore and was so giddy and smiley. After the first, I just wanted to kiss him a billion more times. What’s your favorite constellation and why? I don't have one. Shower curtain or door? Curtain. The glass doors are too revealing. Have you ever thought to yourself that you’re the luckiest person in the world? Most deeeeefinitely not. What time of day do you most enjoy looking at the sky? Sunset if there are clouds present, but sunrise if the sky is pretty clear.

#survey #surveys #questions

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shadowed-dancer · 4 years

Text

Thoughts on the Cats Movie soundtrack

Still haven’t seen the film, but I thought I’d give my opinion based solely on the music of this MUSICAL film, ignoring the CGI and any story beats they may have added (also for context, I’ve seen the staged musical and I actually enjoyed it)

Fun fact, all thoughts were written as I was hearing the songs, so it’s entirely my first, gut based reactions. You are reading it exactly as it popped into my head upon hearing bits of the songs

This ended up being way longer than I thought so it goes under a cut. Enjoy

Overture

I wasn’t going to review the overture but there’s a weird synthesizer and I needed to point it out

Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats

It doesn’t sound right. The pacing at the beginning is off. Once the chorus kicks in it gets better (but it comes later?)

It got weirdly... techno? Idk if that’s the right word

There are a lot of solos especially during the “practical cats, dramatical cats” list. At first I didn’t like it cause I really love when groups of people sing together, but it grew on me

Although Misto (I think) quickly adding in “and magical cats” at the end of the list is really cute. I love my boy

Old Gumbi Cat

The man singing is great (Munkustrap? Idk if they changed it) but I miss Jenny’s preppy and peppy attitude from the musical

Also I miss the 3 girls who used to sing the “Buuuut when the day’s hustle and bustle is done”

There’s a part that I think is the mice singing? Not a fan. I’m scared

I don’t hear any tap shoes, hopefully she does get her tap solo in the movie but from what I’ve heard in reviews, I don’t think she does

I actually like the very end bit. I never liked the musical version where they sing “for she’s a jolly good fellow”. This one flows a bit better and rhymes when she says “thank you my dears”

Rum Tum Tugger

Dang, this is funky! I actually don’t hate it

Is... is Grizabella the Glamour Cat cut? Or just not on the album? That was actually one of my favourite songs I’m sad it’s gone. I wanted to hear Demeter’s voice

Bustopher Jones

It isn’t as bad as I’d feared. I was nervous about James Corden, but it’s pretty ok

It’s not my favourite song to begin with so it’s pretty meh. This version is good for what it is

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer

This is so different and I miss the energy, but I actually don’t hate it. It gives off a very sneaky type of energy and I kind of like it

It’s hard to grasp a tune though

Also, I like Rumpleteazer’s voice. It’s cute

Old Deuteronomy

It’s pretty similar to the original tbh

Someone in the comments on the video said it’s still Munkustrap singing, in which case he’s doing a very good job!

I miss his duet with Tugger though

Also Old Deuteronomy no longer buried 99 wives, but instead lived 99 lives? Ok

Oh jeez I was not expecting her voice to sound like that

Beautiful Ghosts

It’s ... actually kind of nice?

I was worried, but so far I’m not hating a lot of these added “Oscar bait” songs (Never more alone from Les Mis, No one would listen from Phantom, Evermore from Beauty and the Beast)

“No beauty in my memory” is that a parallel to Grizabella’s line “I can smile at the old days, I was beautiful then”

She mentions “memories” a lot. Is she being set as a reflection of Grizabella? (wanting to be wanted and wanting to fit in)

“At least you have something” who is the “you?” Misto? The Jellicle tribe? A plural “you” referring to the world?

I feel like if she is singing this to Misto it will break up the pacing of the film, idk how to explain it. Like this song is nice but it’s slow, maybe that’s ok though cuz it comes right after Old Deuteronomy (the song)

Her voice is very pretty and I almost started tearing up. I was hesitant of them using Victoria as an audience surrogate (someone to have the cats introduce themselves to) but I like it. They seem to have made her an actual character

Oh shoot, epiphany! Is this song meant to replace the first “Memories” that goes before intermission? Because that’s not on the soundtrack. If that’s the case that’s actually smart

Gus

I miss Jellylorum singing about him. That being said, even though he doesn’t really sing, I feel it fits him fine

His Gandalf is showing. For some reason the beginning reminded me of Lord of the Rings where he is singing “the road goes ever on and on”

It’s odd not having Jellylorum sing about him. It’s less sympathetic when he sings about himself

Um, does Gus not perform a play about the Pekes and the Pollicles? I’m... actually ok with that thank you for cutting the run time down

For those curious, the Pekes and the Pollicles was moved in the Broadway revival and US tour to be after Gus’ song. It serves as him reliving his glory days by performing one of his old plays

Skimbleshanks

It’s kept the same fun, lighthearted energy that I loved so much

There are some weird pauses but I’ll let it slide

That weird electric/techno sound is in the background again

They cut it down... a lot. I don’t blame them though, it was a very long song. And the parts they kept are executed amazingly

Was... was that tap dancing? So maybe Jenny really isn’t a tap dancer any more. Dang it

Macavity

It’s no longer a duet... they’re really cutting all the fun duets, eh?

Where is Demeter? Is she ok?

Also Taylor Swift is British

Overall the performance is pretty good

“He’s outwardly respectible. I know he cheats at cards” ok that line used to make sense as a duet cuz it was like Demeter would say one thing and then Bombalurina would come and add to it/contradict it. Now it’s weird to be sung by the same person (at least I THINK that’s Taylor singing both parts)

Wait... is that Macavity saying “the Napoleon of crime”? Why is he present? I know something changed in the timing but does he steal Old Deuteronomy AFTER this song? Cuz that just seems weird. Like “Ok now that you know who I am, let’s go”

The alternative is that he returned after stealing her to taunt the Jellicles which might work? It may not have even been him who said the line though lmao

Mr. Mistofelees

Oh man they did my boy dirty

Why is he so breathy? Is he nervous? You’re supposed to be the greatest magician ever! What did they do to his character?

Also why is he singing about himself? Someone help him

The breaks after the chorus are starting to annoy me. It’s disrupting my jam

“Not long ago this phenomenal cat...” ok I know that technically that is grammatically correct if he gestures to himself, but because the whole song is now first person it just sounds weird

Wow, EVERY duet I cared about it gone. Like, I don’t even ship Tugofelees but I could respect it! And I obviously acknowledge they have SOME sort of relationship in the musical (platonic, one sided admiration, or otherwise) so why cut it? Also I loved Tugger singing this song. I’m just mad.

You know what? Scratch that, it didn’t even need to be Tugger, just SOMEONE sing with him holy corn

Oh ok wow so can Old Deuteronomy just not sing? I thought she was supposed to play Grizabella in the London production, why is her voice so scratchy?

This song in the musical was my favourite because of it’s fun energy and flowing beat. Well the beat doesn’t flow and the energy is gone so good news Skimble you’re my favourite song for this recording so far. Congrats

Ok but Misto singing “as meeeee” as the rest of the cast sings the chorus is actually kind of adorable

Woah woah woah wait someone else is introducing him at the end? Why couldn’t you have helped throughout the entire song?????

The meows... I can’t

Memory

Her words sound slurred? Is that just me? I know the song so I know what she’s supposed to be saying, but if I hadn’t known I wouldn’t understand a lot of it

Her voice is pretty solid aside from that though

I know people were mad Victoria sings with her, but with Beautiful Ghosts as her song, I think it’s thematically appropriate

Ok the climax is well done

Oh wait what? The energy just disappeared. Bring it back!

Off topic but if you want to hear a really good Grizabella, check out Keri Rene Fuller. I got to see her live and I legit cried her climax was amazing she belted it so loud it literally shook me, like I could feel the vibrations in my chest

The Ad-dressing of Cats

Oh no I have to listen to her sing a whole song

It sounds like she’s sing-talking. It worked for Gus, not so much here

Apparently she looks directly into the camera during this scene

Ok she did it before but I noticed it on this lyric. “To treat you as a trusted friend”. Old Deuteronomy used to go up on “trusted friend” but she goes down. It brings the whole energy down

She did it again on “Straudsberg pie”

I know she’s saying “aim” but it sounded like she said “end” which made the last lyric (name) sound like it didn’t rhyme. Oh boy.

To conclude, lots of changes. Not all good, but not all bad either. Some questionable casting and directions, but I’m excited to see it. Hopefully some of my questions are cleared up.

I may make a full review of the film once I've seen it.

#cats movie #cats munkustrap #mr mistoffelees #mister mistoffelees #rum tum tugger #macavity #old deuteronomy #jennyanydots #bustopher jones #grizabella #I finished this review last night at midnight lmao #no way I was posting it then though

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juuheizou · 4 years

Note

i may have went a bit overboard with choosing numbers. i just love those asks a lot. here they are: 4, 9, 13, 23, 28, 34, 36, 38, 47, 49, 51, 53, 63, 79, 83, 84, 97, 99

ash your overboard numbers are the best thing that ever happened to me dw about it tysm!!

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

i’ll drink it black/plain if i really want a caffeine fix and have nothing to put in it, but i have a big sweet tooth and i like it w sugar and/or flavored syrup, and milk is nice but not a requirement

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

yES. i love to sing. like really love it. not to be emo but music has always been therapy to me. i was in a choir too for abt 4 years, and did some talent shows/open mics, and would really love to be in a band or something someday. i sing and hum around my house all the time

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

when i got home from work and laid in my bed for almost an hour straight (i’m running on critically low spoons ok don’t judge me) peachie followed me into my room as he always does when i get home, and hopped up and sniffed/licked me as he always does when i get home, but this time he stepped up onto my torso and laid down on me and we cuddled for a long time and it was v nice :)

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

listen to music and nap, maybe draw/write/do something creative if i have the spoons

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

i don’t really remember the stuffed animals i had when i was v young, but when i was 16 i found this cute little stuffed giraffe at a thrift store and just had to have it. it’s not called anything. i tried thinking of a name and all i ever call it is ‘my giraffe’ but its a big comfort object of mine and i keep it in my backpack in case i need something to self-soothe with. i love stuffed animals and highkey want more

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

idk probaby like... velvet acid christ or some weird edgy ebm band like that. bc i am just CHILLIN and idk what i’m doing but i still like knives and blood and stuff

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

the list would be so long if i listed all of them, so imma just pick one and rant abt it a little. it really cheeses me off when ppl question u on irrelevant, personal stuff that i don’t wanna share and they don’t need to know. idk like the guy that helped my roommate move knew me for a few minutes and was immediately asking what i did for work, how many hours do i work, am i going to school, am i planning on going to school, why am i not in school, and i’m like ‘none of ur beeswax stranger.’ stuff like that. maybe its just bc i’m a v private person irl and have always been the person ppl share things with while not knowing much abt me, so it just seems unnatural and honestly intrusive when ppl i’m not all that close to start asking me personal stuff that i don’t readily share, esp when they get all pissy that i don’t wanna tell a stranger, my landlord, my coworker, etc a bunch of stuff they don’t need to know.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

fried onions in any kind of breading. they look so crispy and delicious, then u bite into them and onions.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

love it!! usually i’ll download the mp3s bc i’m broke, but when i can get them, i love having an album to hold and i love the little notes and lyrics inside the case and it’s just great. i haven’t bought a cd in a long time though bc money. the last cd i burned though was that ‘caress of steel’ one that i was so excited about

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

person: my mom. song: idek the name of the song or what verses are from which songs, but she played and sang patty griffin all the time so whenever i hear one of the songs of hers that i would hear so many times growing up i think of my mom

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

all of them but heathers. beetlejuice was ok. didn’t like pulp fiction but i might have liked it better if my pretentious film bro brother didn’t talk it up so much. for all it’s flaws, though, i love rocky horror and have it on dvd so i can watch it as much as i want

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

ehh i like to be able to find what i want, but my bookshelf is a mess and so is my music library and i just... don’t do anything about it. not successfully anyway

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

irl not much cute stuff happens to me, but i thought it was v sweet when my homie @nipnaap drew me a suzuya for my birthday last year!!

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

i like one-eyed doll’s album art a lot, both the drawn covers and the ones w photos. they just look super artsy and cool. sinister also has nice album art, which is not something i often say abt death metal bands, but its really well-drawn and the color schemes are cohesive and i like it. idk i like bands w kinda ugly album art lowkey, but those are the most consistent producers of album art i like.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

i want tattoos all over my fricking body. i’m not gonna go into a tattoo shop and breathe my pathogens everywhere during a pandemic seeing as enough ppl in my area are already selfish enough to do that, but i hope to get my first one soon.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

istp, libra, gryffindor

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

honestly i don’t have the foggiest idea lately. i’ve been kinda having a problem w any music really making me feel much. am i in a depressed spiral or do i need to listen to more music, who knows?

send me some cute asks!!

#sorry for the late response #i had to go to work before i had time to answer it yesterday and then i slept through most of my evening when i got home #and honestly i have no explanation for today these just took me a long time to answer #i wouldn't have it any other way though i loved answering all your questions!!#answers #ash

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hotheadhero · 4 years

Note

🌴 and 🌷

🌴: a favorite canon character in my fandom + 🌷: a song I identify with my character (also asked by @prayerwitch )

This is kinda long now, so I’ll have fave chars above and representative songs below the readmore. I recommend you click the readmore regardless XD Biased, but I have songs that miiight apply to Edelgard, Dimitri, and couples in there too.

a favorite canon character in my fandom

Within the entire Fire Emblem series, I have a huge, rose-tinted boner for most of the Archaneans, particularly Camus/Nyna (I’m well aware this is a decanonized ship, sigh), Midia/Astram, Horace, Navarre/Ogma, Roger for recruitment mechanism, Marth, Caeda, Merric, Cain, old-man Lorenz, the Whitewings (particularly Catria and/or Palla), Belf, Leiden... This is in no particular order, though Camus and Nyna are nearly untouchable as far as my favorites thanks to super-thick rose-tinted lenses. To some extent, these are also the characters I used most in my playthrough, which was also my very first experience of any Fire Emblem game in general. Alas, I was always terrible at using armor knights like Draug, even though the info I read later and his performance in FEH say he’s an amazing unit who can actually be VERY good outside his default armor-knight role.

Excluding Archanea, I tend to very quickly jump for:

Lance boys, e.g. Ephraim, Seth, Dimitri, Percival (strictly on sight in FEH--I haven’t played his game). Bonus points if they’re kickass warriors and/or noble (social rank or ideals) or mounted (I looove range).

Camus archetypes: Almost obligatory. Examples include Camus+, Mustafa, and Reinhardt.

Hotheads, e.g. Kieran of the Radiant games and Caspar himself.

Certain playboy characters, especially with more depth to them, e.g. Sylvain, purple-boy Lorenz after supports, and Ringabel (latter from the Bravely series).

Old but tough guys are fun too, e.g. Mycen, Duessel, and old-man Lorenz.

Within Fodlan, my favorite characters are:

The entire Faerghus Four: They and particularly Dimitri are why I went BL first. Dima hits the aesthetic and classic noble lord checkbox and HEAVILY reminded me of Marth esp after one CG; Felix is “cold” yet hyper-focused and caring = aaa <3 ; I knew Sylvain had more to him than being a playboy and was not disappointed; and Ingrid was initially an aesthetic pick (was sad when she lost the braid) and if paired with Dimitri struck me as the perfect pretty/blonde homecoming king/queen couple at a glance--this may stem directly from Camus and Nyna also being blonde),

Caspar: adorable doofus, though my love of him definitely grew as a result of hanging around here so long

Petra: such incredible drive; wish I could match it

Marianne: her war aesthetic appealed to me esp because it was such a confidence change from academy phase

Constance: huge visible personality change -> I really want to dig into it more

Lorenz, Claude, and Leonie grew on me as a result of later readings and TOA. (Edelgard too, though something about her still rubs me the wrong way and Idk exactly what it is...)

a song I identify with my character

Uh... tbh, I so rarely listen to music in general, let alone while writing, that I couldn’t give you a song that I STRONGLY identify with Caspar. When I designed video games, I kept a list of songs that hit a certain Mood, so maybe I can think of some of those...? The following list will come from skimming through my offline music archive.

It might be cheating because I just happened upon this, but Denny Schneidemesser’s Dreams of Flight symphony, e.g. Mvt2: Dreams of Flight (starts around 2:50 there or separate video here), could fit Caspar. It sounds bright and adventurous, well-representative of Caspar’s unerring tendency to keep moving forward now matter what cards he’s been dealt.

Denny’s Tiny Nomad has a similar bright/adventurous energy, but sounds more... little-man, somehow? (Seems it went to a cartoon featuring a mouse, sooo XD) Fits, honestly, lololol.

Denny’s Limitless from 7:15 in this demo reel could work for a post-/late-war Caspar who’s realized his full potential and is fully secure in himself and his role in and out of war. Possibly also one where he, not Julian, takes over the role of Minister of Military Affairs.

Phoenix Wright: Objection! (Dual Destinies): Sounds bold and bright enough to possibly work for Caspar. This IS Nick’s theme, but Caspar himself is more in-line with Apollo Justice. Chords of Steel--need I say more? XD

Journey’s Dont Stop Believin’: Lyrics indicate a clear striving. The only lyric song already on my phone that could remotely suit Caspar.

The below don’t apply to Caspar SPECIFICALLY, but they evoke specific moods I’d love to use someday.

Beethoven’s Symphony 6 Pastorale (song has movement timestamps in the description): Would love to use this for an “exploring the countryside” thread/oneshot someday. It’s got it all: Rolling hills with galloping horses (1) and babbling brooks and birdsong (2), staying with the locals in said rolling hills (3), a dreadful thunderstorm (4--and y’all know how well THAT’ll go over with Caspar XDD), and post-storm celebration (5)... The plot kinda writes itself!

Similarly, Denny’s Morning Adventure writes itself in the song. Even includes a “wake up” sequence. tbh, I think it was partly influenced BY Beethoven; I can hear a sort of “wilderness flute” inside it within the first minute that also appears in Symphony 6.

Incidentally, I’d highly recommend everyone look at Denny’s work. I discovered him on DeviantArt (over 4 years ago, well before it all went bad, lol), and his stuff all hits specific moods; it’s great! I have the demo reel above; there’s a Veni, Vidi, Vici that I could easily imagine on Edelgard, for instance; Love in a Nutshell is great for young/springtime love; and The Flow of Water is so peaceful.

Thomas Bergersen’s Empire of Angels: tbh, I clicked on this one purely by name, but I’m a sucker for angel-evocative things. This and one other song on my list remind me of specific things I want for my old angel OC. (Perhaps this song could apply to Dimitri?)

#munday #anonymous #prayerwitch #answered #// thanks for the ask!#// what a trip down memory lane XD #Anonymous

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fmdtaeyongarchive · 4 years

Text

↬ you’re my ice queen.

date: idk late 2019 ig

location: an unspecified studio.

word count: 1,472 words.

summary: n/a.

notes: creative claims verification for “ice queen” by san.

ash often begins writing a new song based on a melody he can’t get out of his head or a sound he hears somewhere that he wants to work into the production of a new track or, most frequently, with a lyric that comes to mind. this song starts in a way that’s rare for ash: with a title.

ice queen.

the term evokes immediate associations in ash’s mind. it’s a common trope in media, the beautiful woman with a cold facade.

he starts by going to the same producer friend with whom he’d written “betcha” and asking if they want to work on this song with him too. the producer has the availability in his workload to agree and everything starts with a session brainstorming what direction they want to take the song’s themes in. an entire song can’t be crafted around a title without a better picture of what they’re going for as a whole.

when they’d written betcha, they’d already tackled the determination of winning someone over in a game of playing hard to get and ash doesn’t want to repeat the same motifs for ice queen, as expected as they might be for a song of such a title. “i want it to be more tenderly romantic,” he insists early in the session, “like two people falling in love with each other instead of only one side of the story. he’s trying to woo her and she’s not the type to show her feelings easily, but there are hints that show the romance goes both ways.” luckily, the producer agrees and they settle on that as the overarching storyline for the song. they go back and forth for a while before ash proposes the idea of hot versus cold, the singer warming the woman’s seemingly cold heart with his warm and unwavering affection.

without much by way of lyrics, they come to the mutual decision to start working at the instrumental they want to craft. it’s important for them to find ways to bring the title to life in the instrumental. “chilly synths,” ash suggests first, and he knows what he means but he doesn’t think the other producer does, so he spends time laying down a synth pattern to demonstrate and in the process, he lays a rough beat over top too. with only the synths and the beat, the bare bones track already has a clear sound — something akin to dreamy, mid-tempo r&b.

that alone gives them a good base and they go back and forth with the program for hours trying to make decisions they can both agree on. a basic melody is determined by the end of the first hour, but it takes many more for them to play around with the chord pattern and song structure. as the night grows late and the fast back and forth of discussion grows dull with exhaustion, they agree to pack up and come back later. ash would like to get the demo to san as soon as possible and it wouldn’t be the first time he’s worked through barely being able to keep his eyes open, but the producer insists that they’ll only ruin a good thing if they keep chipping away at instrumental in a fatigued state, so ash relents.

when they return to the same studio to get back to work, ash brings a page full of ideas in his notes app. his first proposal is to incorporate snaps into the beginning to ease the percussion in that they’d already set later on in the song. they don’t want to give all of their tricks away from the beginning. it should be ever-changing, as he also proposes. he’d spent some time thinking about it, and he doesn’t want the song to be boring. ash works with r&b tracks regularly now, and that’s a trap he’s learned they can fall into. a soulful voice can carry a dull track and he has full faith san will deliver in that area, but as a creator of the song, ash shouldn’t be lazy and rely on the singer to give the song all of its best moments. san will get the chance to shine, but ash refuses to present him with the weight of having to deliver above and beyond a normal vocalist to make anything worthwhile out of the track.

once they get back into working on it, ash has to admit his fellow producer had had a point. they’re more well-rested, or as well-rested as ash can possibly be when constant fatigue envelops him in a cloudy haze on a daily basis that he’s learned to power through, and they’re getting more done in the span of a few hours than they would have all night if they’d kept working on it before.

the instrumental is close to complete after a few more sessions and the cold musical tones they’d agreed on at the beginning of the writing process have materialized. it’s not too far off from something knight would sing, if ash really thinks about it, but it’s not a carbon copy of anything they or alien have released either, so ash doesn’t dwell on the thought for long. there are more important topics to think about, like the need to put lyrics to what is now a mostly finished base for the song.

“i had a few ideas that came to me over the past few weeks. we talked about the contrast between the girl’s cold exterior and the singer’s warm advances...” ash looks to the other man for reassurance that he hadn’t imagined it. “i like the idea of using a lot of descriptive imagery for this song, stuff about melting and burning and flames and freezing. the music sounds sensual, but we shouldn’t lean into it too much with innuendo and suspense. i told you, i want romance, so if it’s sexy, it needs to be from the emotions of it instead of the outright suggestiveness.”

ash offers up some of the lyric drafts he’d written up, but the response he gets isn’t what he’d expected.

“you seem to have a clear vision of what you want for the lyrics. a much clearer vision than i do. you know i’m more of a music guy than a lyric one. how about you work on a full lyric draft and you can bring it back to me? we’ll make any music adjustments we need to to fit what you come up with.” ash doesn’t put up a fight. he’s perfectly happy to do that. writing the full lyrics of a song isn’t much of a challenge anymore, so there aren’t any insecurities to get in the way. it should be fairly easy and the other producer isn’t wrong that ash knows what he wants.

he has more urgent deadlines to get to, but that doesn’t stop ash from finishing his lyric proposal in quick time. it starts off simple enough, with the singer asserting their dedication to be there for the object of their affections wherever and whenever they need them with the first verse hinting at the title with a confession of how his world and sense freeze when he’s around the titular ice queen. he plays with the rhythm at the end of the first line and denotes it with an asterisk that tells him to tell the producer about it later. throughout, he chooses to play with the rhythm a few more times. it causes him to slip up more than once when recording the demo vocals, but san is a rapper; ash is confident it won’t cause problems.

it navigates into the chorus with a plea for reassurance that his affections are returned and that’s incredibly simple for ash. all it takes is a bit of channeling of his constant mindset lately and the early chorus is finished in only a few drafts. following the chorus introduction into the latter part of the chorus is where ash gets to branch into his flowery imagery with several of the lines he’d already had noted down when he suggested such a take on the lyrical content. he’s not shy to admit he’s proud of the work he does there and it’s the section he spends the most time perfecting. the second verse and the bridge come last and he writes them one after the other, though they’ll be separated by the chorus in the song and for those he focuses on building the romantic feeling he’d been so insistent about.

he sends the lyric draft off to the other producer with his notes for what he wants to change about the instrumental to match them better and he gets a message back only a few minutes later.

see? i told you you already knew what you wanted.

#fmdverification #&& queued

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swiss-cheeze · 5 years

Text

Secretes from the Summer of 69’ || Brian May x reader

((Why are there not good gifs of Brian wtf?))

Warnings: uh, swearing, angst, shitty writing, like, one sexual innuendo. I wrote this in like; an hour or two so it’s really shitty.

A/N: it’s a song fic.

Listen to the song for better use I guess idk.

Lyrics are in bold

———

Growing up was never something for you, you always wanted to be a kid, or at least a teenager. You could get away with everything if you thought of the perfect cover story and had a good complexion, keeping fit always helped as well.

So when you sat down for that final exam you knew everything was going to change. Yeah you got a B- which is good and all, but you finished school; now what?

---

I got my first real six-string.

Bought it at the five-and-dime.

Played it 'til my fingers bled.

Was the summer of sixty-nine.

“Go again Brian” you said rewinding the tape.

“What? But that was perfect!” Brian said dramatically throwing his hands up, John groaned behind you as he came up and pressed the coms button.

“You missed a part dummy!” John said, “If you can’t do it then we’ll get Roger in there and see what happens!”

“What! What part!?” Brian retaliated.

“Just…” you sighed and placed your head in your hands as John kept the coms on, “just play from the start, go all the way through and we can pick and place later” you said exhausted.

“Whatever you say” Brian mumbled. The man put down his drink of water, made a motion to replay the tape and soon the drums and base floated through the room accompanied by Brian’s guitar; he was doing better on this one than any other.

Me and some guys from school.

Had a band and we tried real hard.

Jimmy quit, Jody got married.

I should've known we'd never get far.

“He hasn’t played this bad since Mike left” you said softly making John chuckle beside you.

“Aren’t you glad I came then” John stated as he sat down in a nearby wheelie chair with a large grin.

“Sarcasm isn’t a pretty look on you Deaky” you explained with a grin, you played with a few of the knobs on the control board before leaving it alone and turning around to look at John, “you were so shy and enclosed back then when you first came into the band”

“Shut up” John jokingly said with a smile.

“And the hair!” a voice exclaimed, it was Roger walking through the door with a cardboard tray, two cups of coffee and a tea no doubt, “the hair he had back then WOOF”

“You had that hair back then too don’t forget” John said with a chuckle as he grabbed the coffee Roger had handed him as you grabbed the one he handed to you.

“So, Brian’s still at it then yeah?” Roger said as he leant over the control panel and squinted through the glass, and Roger had the audacity to say his eyesight was fine, “sounds shit”, you whacked Roger in the arm as the man chuckled, followed by John and then you.

“He always sounds shit darling don’t flatter yourself” Freddie said walking through the door, “sorry I’m late, my poor darlings had a stomach bug and I had to take three of them to the vet. THREE!” Freddie exclaimed as he ripped off his sunglasses and landed on the couch with a ‘poof’, “I think it was the tuna I gave them as a treat, needless to say, my loves won’t be getting any tuna no more”

“Don’t you always feed them Tuna though?” Roger asked with a cocked eyebrow raised over his sunglasses.

“Yes but-“ Freddie began.

“Oh please don’t go on about what you feed them Freddie. Please” you said placing your head in your hands, “I’ve heard enough screeching thanks to Brian already, I don’t need you to add onto that” you said with a chuckle.

“Fine! I just won’t feed you then” Freddie said jokingly.

“You don’t feed me enough anyway” you mumbled before blowing a raspberry softly, a soft ‘ahem’ came from the sound booth door.

“I just tried to play my heart out and here you all are talking” Brian said as he sipped his tea, Roger grinned behind his coffee cup as Freddie and John snickered.

“Heart? What heart? All you’ve got is skin and bone my friend” you said with a smile.

“Oh hush hush, don’t hurt the poor boy” Freddie said with a wave of his hand and a grin on his lips. Brian rolled his eyes before slinking over to the couching and plopping down softly.

Oh, when I look back now

That summer seemed to last forever

And if I had the choice

Yeah, I'd always wanna be there

Those were the best days of my life

“Stop eye fucking” John groaned.

“Who?” Freddie asked as he looked between everyone.

“(Y/n) and Brian” John said with a sigh, “they keep looking at each other with these eye movements and I can tell they’re undressing each other as we speak and it is not nice to be able to see” the man said as he rubbed his forehead, seemingly scarred from what he had to witness.

“Well if you hadn’t have said anything we wouldn’t be envisioning it right now” Roger mumbled, “plus you’re the one who saw and thought of it, you have such a dirty mind Deaky” the man said with a grin.

“Well he does have the most kids” you said with a chuckle as you sipped your coffee. Brian shook his head as he laughed softly.

“You’re all a bunch of idiots you know that?” Brian asked as he looked to everyone in the room with a nice twinkle in his eye, “between you three” the man said with a finger drifting between Roger, you and John, “you each have one collective brain cell and none of you are using it right now”, you gasped dramatically and placed a hand on your chest and Roger pulled his glasses down his nose a little and John snorted softly.

“How RUDE!” you yelled, you stood up, “I don’t deserve such SLACK! Especially from a PESANT, like YOURSELF” you said, “come minions, we have work to do” you said to John and Roger; the two simply laughed softly (as did Fred and Brian) as you walked to the door, “no but seriously I gotta get to work otherwise I’ll be late” you said with an awkward grin.

“Oh shit yeah” Brian said, “I’ll see you out love, come on” the man said as he stood up and motioned for you to keep walking. The two of you had been together for close to nine years and only recently gotten hitched. Brian smiled down at you as you grabbed your bags and stood at the door, Brian looming over you.

“Work on your fingering” you said with a snicker making Brian roll his eyes.

“Yeah yeah” the man mumbled softly as he smiled, you smiled too as Brian bent down and kissed you softly as he held your elbow softly with one hand and his other on your cheek, “have fun at work okay?” Brian said as the two of you parted, you nodded.

“I will.” You smiled as you pecked the man on the lips once more before you started heading for the door, “I should be home for dinner, if I’m not then don’t wait up okay?” you asked, turning on your heel and walking backwards. Brian nodded.

“I’ll keep it in mind, don’t worry” Brian said softly, “love you!” the man said as he blew a kiss your way.

“Love you too babe!” you blew a kiss back as you turned just in time to get the door and walk out the place.

Ain't no use in complainin'.

When you've got a job to do.

Spent my evenings down at the drive-in.

And that's when I met you, yeah.

---

Brian didn’t actually know what your work even was, you had never told him, you just said it was something ‘top secret’ and something only you and your workmates needed to know. After being told this numerous times Brian ended up giving up and just treated it as if he knew.

Standin' on your mama's porch.

You told me that you'd wait forever.

Oh, and when you held my hand.

I knew that it was now or never.

Those were the best days of my life.

The thing was, legally you weren’t allowed to tell Brian, and otherwise you would have to-

Let’s not get into that just yet.

---

Oh, yeah

Back in the summer of sixty-nine, oh

---

Back when you and Brian had first started going out you were known as the ‘never would last’ couple. Brian was always the teacher’s pet, goody two shoes, be good boy, and you? You where the reckless, ambitious, ‘throw caution to the wind’, ‘do now, regret later’ person. You got into fights that Brian had to break you out of, he had to make sure you studied when a test came up, he was the one that helped you with your killer hangovers from those regretful ‘celebration’ nights when you got past an exam. You didn’t even properly start saying you and Brian where together until a year in, and even then it felt foreign on both your tongues, but you got over it, got past your reckless phase, studied and became a goodie that people could rely on.

Well, that’s what you let them believe anyway.

Man, we were killin' time, we were young and restless.

We needed to unwind.

I guess nothin' can last forever, forever, no.

Yeah.

---

Times change, people change and appearances need to be kept up. Brian was touring with Queen more than ever, yes you missed him, but this also meant you could get more work done without him around, this meant that you HAD to get reckless, wild, and out of your mind fucking crazy; within your job limits of course.

You watched Brian every time he came on live on the telly, he always dedicated a song to you, it was different each time but it was still cute and you loved it.

And now the times are changin'.

Look at everything that's come and gone.

Sometimes when I play that old six-string.

I think about you, wonder what went wrong.

That was, until the day shit hit the fan.

---

“Brian?” you asked shakily into the receiver.

“Yes love? You sound scared are you okay?” the man asked slightly concerned as he sat on the edge of the hotel couch the band was staying in.

“I-I. Fuck. Brian I made a mistake. Brian I’m so sorry” you said shakily as tears slowly started to cascade down your face, “nothing went right, we all fucked up and they found us. Everyone got out except me and-“

“Wait wait, we? Everyone? Escaped?” Brian chuckled awkwardly, “love, I…I don’t understand what you’re saying”

“I work for the Secret Service Brian” you said in one breath, “I’m in the worst branch, me and my team are the ones who get missions for-…for killing people, some jobs we have to assassinate someone, or-or we have to get certain information from something for someone else” you took a breath, “Brian I’m in jail, I was caught, I AM caught, my post wasn’t secured and the police got in and immediately took me in” you said quickly and shakily. Brian didn’t say anything, his soft breath was the only thing that came from the other side of the receiver. “Brian?” you asked, “Bri please respond” you whimpered softly.

“Ma’am” the guard said, “your time is up”.

“Fuck, um, o-okay.” You said quickly, “Bri I gotta go, please, come get me, I’m being held somewhere in-, fuck I think Germany? I don’t know. Bri please” by this point you were crying as the guard grabbed your arm roughly, “Bri please find me! I have a life sentence! Please!” you pleaded through your tears, you couldn’t end like this, “I LOVE YOU!”

Standin' on your mama's porch

You told me that it'd last forever

Oh, and when you held my hand

I knew that it was now or never

Those were the best days of my life

---

Thirteen years had passed and Brian hadn’t come for you. He had sent a letter, only one letter, stating that he wanted a divorce and even though with the amount of love he had for you, he couldn’t be with someone like you. You cried over that letter, your pillow and the jail cell you were held in had seen more tears then you cared to say.

Brian didn’t come for you, Roger didn’t call, and Freddie didn’t visit.

But John did.

He did all of those things, he couldn’t get you out of jail. But he sat with you outside your cell almost every chance he got. Brought you good food, new tapes to listen to, new books to read, and clothes. Almost anything you asked for.

So when you asked for another letter from Brian, John was definitely taken aback.

“A letter? From Brian?” John asked.

“Please John, I miss him so much” you said softly with tears in your eyes, you reached a hand out to touch John but the stern look you got given from the guard made you bring your hand back in quickly, “even just a ‘go away’!” you said with a watery smile, “I just need something from him. Please. I beg you”, John sighed softly as the bell rung for visiting hours to be over. He stood up as the guard came forward to start escorting him out.

“I’ll…ill see what I can do okay?” John asked, you nodded quickly with a smile, “alright. Next time I come I’ll try and bring a note from him”

“Thank you John! Thank you!” you sniffled as the guard started walking John out of the compound.

---

Oh, yeah

Back in the summer of sixty-nine, oh

It was the summer of sixty-nine, oh, yeah

Me and my baby in sixty-nine, oh

It was the summer, the summer, the summer of sixty-nine, yeah

“This is all he would give me” John said, it had been three months since John had last come to you, and this time he had something to give you. The man looked around to check the guards weren’t watching and slipped it into your cell quickly. You smiled to John widely as you started to open the note quickly, quietly, and trying not to break it.

‘(Y/n)

John told me you wanted a note. So here it is.

Yes I miss you.

Yes I still love you.

Yes I want to get back with you.

I didn’t have enough money back then to get you out but now I think I do. I think I can get you out. Deaky can tell you the finer details as I cannot through a piece of paper and pencil.

Please don’t think any low of me.

The only thing I ask from you is to tell me everything you had been keeping from me for all of those years we were together, what you did, how you did it and answer any of the questions I have to ask you.

I don’t want to start off where we left because that isn’t right.

I want to get to know you again, over dinner, a date if you will. But you must tell me everything I ask for, without hesitation and without keeping anything from me.

No more secretes.

We will have to take this next step together slowly and oh so carefully.

So, in the words of Bryan Adams.

‘Back in the summer of 69’

Bri x’

To say you had never been happier was an understatement as happy tears rolled down your cheeks and you held the note close.

#bohemian rhapsody #brian may #queen #roger taylor #freddie mercury #john deacon #brian may x reader #x reader #fanfiction

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my-rae · 5 years

Text

Love Scenario-CRS

We met and loved each other and it became an unforgettable memory.

Requested by @matesb: Hey, can I request a raesung fluff? Where we both are trainees 😊

I’m sorry this took me so long ugh. I hope you like it!

Words:2k+

Genre: fluff+ lowkey angst?? idk

Warning: English is not my first language, so pls be patient with me hehe. Besides, this story is completely made up, but at some point I tried to include a dash of reality??? Don’t be scared pls.

Since it’s my first au in this account, feedback is very apreciated pls

The first time you saw Raesung was in a monthly evaluation, in fact, in your first one. He was well known among trainees because of his amazing skills in each field (Dancing, rapping, singing), you had heard about him, and even saw him on television once, when he was little. Rumour had it that he was very cold and he barely talked to other people that weren’t his A team friends, and because of that, he made you feel intimidated when he came into the practice room.

Your eyes didn’t leave his silhouette for a second, filled with curiosity. He was standing with the “team A”, looking at the CEO and waiting for his name to be announced. He was one of the first ones.

He performed a song he had written, produced and arranged himself and was so into it that you then understood why he was so popular. But there was something that called even more your attention. All those little things he made, such as sometimes bopping his head to the song that other trainee was singing, or making a supportive gesture towards them during the performance that was, apparently, unnoticeable to the rest. How can you call a person like that be “cold”? It was obvious that he wasn’t payed enough attention, yet everyone talked about their first impression about him.

“You did good.” Some trainees complimented eachother, some others remained quiet. You decided to do the first option and congratulated your peers and talked to them afterwards, hoping you would get to know anyone soon.

You ended up high-fiving Raesung and, somehow, with his Snapchat account.

Back for then you didn’t consider it flirting, even though some people you met there thought it was.

But, going straight to the point, let’s just say that Snapchat made you become friends.

Raesung 👊👊

“Do I look intimidating enough?” He captioned in biggest part of the photos.

“Lmaoo you??? Intimidating??? Where??”

“Shut up I’m cool, I already have a cold facade”

“A fake cold facade*”

Your conversations were basically like that, just joking and making fun of each other, but outside Snapchat, you barely saw him. He was all the time nowhere to be seen, you wouldn’t find him even if you looked for him, overall because you trained in different floors.

Until it finally happened.

“Come to the second floor, I’m bored.” You were about to go to the dorms after a long day of training when that Raesung sent that Snapchat message. Still, you went anyways.

“Why are you still here?” You asked him.

He was inside a little studio, sitting in a chair, looking through his phone. When he heard your voice, he turned to look at you with smile on his face.

“I want to work a little longer.”

“Are you crazy, Rae? It’s getting late.” You looked at your watch. 23:00 pm. “What do you even want to do so late?”

“I’ve been working on my monthly evaluation, I want to perform something different.” He explained. “Do you want to listen to it?”

You are still not sure why Raesung wanted you to listen to it, out of all people that could give him a better review. Still, you agreed.

He was beyond excited, you could tell by how his eyes sparkled. The track he played was slow compared to the song he performed the first time you saw him, still it had a catchy vibe that made you love the song instantly.

“Do you like it?” He asked when it finished.

“Are you kidding? I love it!” You exclaimed excitedly. The corners of his lips raised to form one of the cutest smiles you had ever seen.

And your heart skipped a beat immediately.

“Let me show you this other one! I don’t know which I should develop to the monthly evaluation, I want to show our CEO something different.”

You kept it going, day after day. Once you had finished training you always stayed together for a little longer, even if you were tired. At first it was only to help him for the monthly evaluations, but at some point it became just two friends, talking about anything, complaining about the company and the trainee life, sharing some good and bad experiences there.

Your friends began to think you were dating him and they wouldn’t stop teasing you about it. Deep down inside, you didn’t mind.

“Remember the first track I played?” You pretender to think even though you remembered it perfectly, he named it “desired situation” and it was your favourite one.

He wasn’t good at naming his songs.

“I do, why?"

"I’ve decided that I won’t use that one.”

“Why?” He was so excited about that one, it didn’t make sense.

“I have a few ideas in mind, and I don’t know why I think that track is more personal.” He looked straight into your eyes and you froze.

You knew you had fallen for him, but taking into consideration your situation it was better to hide it as much as possible.

But those little moments with him made you think that it couldn’t be just one sided. Eventually, you discovered you were right.

“I’m so sick of this company Rae, how am I going to be able to stand this until I debut?”

He held your hand and caressed your hair without realising, just spontaneously.

“Hang in there, okay? We will debut, I know it.” Was his answer.

“I know you’re going to debut, I have no doubt, our CEO loves you, but I don’t really know if I’ll end up doing it or not. He doesn’t care about me, he won’t mind if I leave.“ He froze and gave your hand a squeeze, looking at you with his eyes filled with concern.

“Are you going to leave?”

“I don’t know Rae, I don’t want to keep wasting my life.“

“If you ever do, please warn me beforehand, I don’t think I could stand it if you leave without warning.”

Raesung was like that, spontaneous, you were sure that his words didn’t mean the same for him that what they did to you, but they made your heart beat like crazy every time.

From there, it only got worse, all your efforts were useless, it wasn’t enough, you weren’t enough for YG Entertainment, so you took your decision after talking to your trainee friends for a long time.

“Rae, I’m leaving, I can’t take it.“ You said that day inside those four walls that had seen you grow up with your friend.

He kept quiet. He had a good ability to come up with lyrics and melodies easily, but not to talk about this with someone that meant the world to him, so he gave you an awkward hug and let you cry on his shoulder.

It was unusual in Raesung to let you do that, yet you didn’t question it.

“Before I leave, there’s something else I want to say.” You stated when you stopped crying. “This had been a hard decision to take because I don’t know if I’ll ever see you when I leave. I like you, Rae, I hope you can forgive me.”

He shook his head and pouted.

“There’s nothing to forgive.” He was about to hold your hand, but suddenly he pulled it back. Through his hair you could see his ears getting red.

“In the hypothetical case that you loved me back.” You began cautiously to confirm your recent suspicions. “Would you say it back?”

“You know how I am y/n, this is hard.“

“So, do you love me back?”

“Could be.”

“Hypothetically.”

“And in real life.” He finally admited.

You smiled. If it was going to be your last month there, you had to make it worthy.

It went by fast, you and Resungwere exactly the same, but you didn’t look at each other like you did before. It was like an open secret just between you two, which made everything way much better.

Until it came to an end.

Your contract expired, as well as your journey in YG Entertainment, with all the friend you had made and, of course, Raesung.

You talked to them a lot, but as you auditioned to another company and your timetable couldn’t fit any of your friend’s, you began to lose contact. Overall with Choi Raesung.

You met, and loved each other even if it was to yourselves, and it became an incredible memory.

The last thing you knew about him was that he was friends with Ikon members and that he became a producer and left the trainee life, as well as snapchat. You only got updates through his fans, that were only a few, so you would have said that he was missing in action if it weren’t because of his appearance in Stray Kid’s reality, but he was in your life. Almost as if you had erased each other.

Until one day you heard it. It was a bit modified and had been added good lyrics, but you were sure that it was that track.

“Desired situation” was being played by some other trainees that had taken a few minutes to rest and watch Ikon’s comeback.

“Sorry, Minhye, are you listening to desired situation by ikon?” You asked your friend.

“Desired situation?” He laughed. “Nice try Y/n, it’s called love scenario. And yes! It’s awesome right? Ikon always have good songs.”

Love scenario… That’s how it was called now. You decided to google the credits and yes, effectively, his name was right next to Kim Hanbin’s and some others.

To find Raesung after that was hard. You had lost his number, then you tried through twitter, but he never answered his DMs, then Instagram, but he didn’t have an account, his fancafe was abandoned too. Hanbin was right that time he said that he was living his best life watching anime. In the end, and by chance, you found him, even sooner than Noa’s reply to the message you had sent the boy that morning asking for Raesung’s number.

It happened at some random café, his hair was a little longer, but it still looked great. His styling was the same, but apparently he had enough money to buy some expensive clothes. That thought made you smile.

“Hello, Choers.” You greeted friendly.

He looked shocked and a little confused to see you there.

“D-did you just tried to call me by my twitter username?”

“I’m surprised you remember your username taking into consideration that you haven’t used it since 2012.”

“You forgot to add the number one to choers, nice try Y/n.” He joked.

The conversation went by a bit awkwardly, but none of you wanted to stop talking.

“So… Love scenario.” His ears turned red, just like they did every time he was embarrassed. “You did a great job, you know it, right?”

“It was Hanbin hyung who did the biggest part of the job. He and Bobby hyung came up with great lyrics and showed them to me. Then I suggested to use that track.”

“It sounds awesome Rae, it was my favourite out of all those you came up with.”

“I know, that’s why I suggested it. I trusted your opinion.” He seemed proud, and that made you smile even wider. “What about you? How’s your life going?”

“I’m a trainee that is going to become a rookie idol soon!” You announced happily. “I’m going to debut in five months.”

“That’s great! I’m glad that you finally made your dreams come true after what happened at YG.”

“I’m glad too. And what about you? What made you become a producer?”

“It was my only choice.” You didn’t know what he meant, but you let it be.

“Anyways, Rae, I should get going now. I’m very tired.” You said. “We should meet soon.”

“Yeah, we should.” He knew he had to tell you, but how would you react? He was afraid, it had happened ages ago after all. Then, he remembered all the times Hanbin made him try to contact you, and how excited he was to know about Raesung’s story with you. So he said it. “By the way Y/n, you know the song, love scenario…”

You nodded, encouraging him to continue.

“When Hanbin hyung showed me the lyrics, the reason why I chose desired situation was because it reminded me of you. Love scenario, in the end, is dedicated to you. At least half of it.”

You felt your cheeks burning. You definitely weren’t expecting that.

“I’ve missed you, Rae.” You finally said.

“God I’ve missed you too, a lot.” He answered, becoming relieved.

You didn’t know if it was appropriate to hug him, but you did anyways.

“We have a lot of things to talk to. Hanbinhyung won’t stop telling me I should have asked you out.” He sighed.

“I don’t want to say I agree with him but… I mean.”

“I know, I know. By the moment, let’s meet up here tomorrow, okay? You know, to catch up.” He suggested, looking confident for the first time ever.

“That sounds good Rae. It really does.”

#choi raesung #raesung #millennium #raesung au #choi raesung au #millennium au #silver boys #yg silver boys #silver boys au #requested!#matesb #pls don't let me flop #raesung imagine

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