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fureliselost · 3 years

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I wrote a few things about the Sticky Wall Parents AU :)) it's a little messy because I didn't really organize my thoughts at all, I just wrote as I went

(I now realized that I wrote a lot holy fuck)

- Post-canon - Sticky wall in Assault On Abysus which guarded the lab from the OG Nanite Project is Violeta and Rafael Salazar - and possibly an unknown third scientist that got caught up in the explosion - Rex cures all EVOs in the world = parents are cured - Parents are probably hungry (6 years w/out food has gotta be hard) - And naked - And disoriented, but that is a must.... man they in for a surprise - So they probably go into a coma after waking up, yikes - Alternative of VK finding them and taking them hostage or smth since he escaped on the finale IDK

- OR he does find them but Breach gets them to Providence because Breach is tired of VKs shit and Rex is her fren - bruh, the shock. I mean, César got into the weird pod thing, and the thingy only let 15 minutes pass for him while over 5 years passed for the rest of the world. So he actually has aged less than a year and looks pretty much the same - But Rex...... man, Rex is not only older and now a former GOD, but he also has no memory of them (aside from the few flashbacks we see him having of them) -- he did say in the finale that he remembered "everything", but he didn't specify if "everything" is *everything* or just the memories since the last blackout, so I'm going with the latter - like "who are you?", "well, I was hoping you'd tell me, because, you see, I have amnesia, and César is terrible at actually telling me anything substantial about myself" - man, I imagine rex just chilling with his friends after the finale because he literally cured the entire human race (for now, at least) and he deserves to chill and then, like, Six (because I think Holiday would occupied w the matter at hand and César would either be tending to it as well or just staring in shock) would be like "yeah, you need to come w me", "dude, it's literally been a day since I saved the world, what could you possibly need me for?" silence "what? is someone dying or something?!" longer silence, "......the opposite actually" to which Rex is like "right, ok, IG I'll go with you. I mean, last time someone came back to life, it was VK and that was a pain in the butt" - ALSO I imagine their reaction to VK being a bit like César's. Like, "huh, that guy's still around" and "ugh, that freaking poser" - Rex arriving at where his parents are and looking at them and looking at César and being like "CÉSAR DID YOU BRING THEM BACK FROM THE DEAD" - (when, in reality, technically, it was Rex himself who did) - Y'all know what, I'm making Rex have flashbacks and PLENTY of headaches caused by the flashbacks because I'm mean - soooooooooooooooooooo I was thinking about how their parents would take the fact that Rex has been unofficially adopted by Six and Holiday and the first thing that sprung into my mind was that scene from Dear Evan Hansen where Evan's mother is talking to him after the dinner with the Murphy's (in which they offered to pay for Evan's tuition with what was supposed to be their dead son's tuition money) and she's like "They're not your parents! And *mocking tone* they're not your family!" - Like, they wouldn't do it to be mean (Heidi wasn't doing that to be mean in DEH, even if it turned out to be a mean thing to say, she wanted to wake Evan up to the reality that he was fitting into a life that wasn't his while trying to ignore his problems). I think there would be a point where one of them just wouldn't be able to take it anymore: seeing their son living an entire different life that they had no option in being a part of (not to mention that César and Rex would probably be two of a very little number of things they still had from their old lives, so that piles on top of having to adjust) and there's these people that he considers more his family than his blood family - and, dudes, Rex would be so awkward because on one hand he knows to some degree how they feel about being displaced, but, on the other hand, *bcause* he knows, he's even more awkward, because he knows that he couldn't be the person they expected even if he didn't have amnesia and he has absolutely zero idea what to do - i mean, Rex doesn't even know them, but he wants them to be proud. Except that he also can't deny and completely brush aside what he has with Holiday and Six because they're literally the people he trusts the most in the world - At some point, they get a house (idk, did they have a house?), and Rex reluctantly goes to live with them because, well, they're literally his parents (not to mention that Six and Hols would prob pick him up whenever he asked) and I imagine a scene where they're having breakfast or smth and having stilted conversation and Rex is

100% frustrated because they're all nervous and cautious around each other and no one knows how to act and no one wants to set anyone off or make anyone upset - so Rex goes "hey how about we do an exercise", everyone is like "weird, but ok, what do you propose?", "so it's a fun game I do with people sometimes: we usually sit near each other in a way we can all see each other's faces, one of us starts by saying anything that's on our minds and we discuss it with the person when they're done. It's called "having a conversation", really fun, 10/10", "are you sassing us?", "no. I'm joking. I joke when I'm stressed.", "but you're always making jokes.", "yeah, well, I'm usually about to die... so you can see how I'd be a stressed person."

#sticky wall parents au #swp au #generator rex au #generator rex #genrex #gen rex #violeta salazar #rafael salazar #césar salazar #cezar salazar #caesar salazar #rex salazar #eli rants #au #gr au

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spideymarvelws · 3 years

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It Was Fun While It Lasted

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A/n : this is kind of an alternate ending to endgame ig? a version where your a long lost child of thanos and Peter lost the gauntlet only to find it at the same time as you and plot ensues. Kind of the same thing with Clint and nebula but way further down in the movie. I just really wanted to write a villain reader okay leave me alone idk what im doing. also sorry for any inaccuracies i havent watched endgame is so long😭im just going off what i remember.

Summary : Despite your life on earth, your life with the avengers, you’ve always felt like something was missing. You never felt that longing to save the people of the world, their wide smiles and thanks never satisfied you like it did everyone else. That was until Thanos told you about your true past, your true purpose.

To destroy the universe.

Warnings : cursing, betrayal, (ik we should just give Peter a break, but its for the plot im sorry) just pretty angsty so you’ve been warned

Word Count : 2.8k

Heavily inspired by this and this playlist on youtube

Peter Parker x GN!Villian!Reader

...

“It’s under all that ruckus,” Sam yelled through coms, flying over the fallen building he once called the avenger’s compound, “Can anyone reach?”

Peter webbed one of the aliens, using the makeshift leash to pull himself over the creature, knocking it into another one of his kind. His new spider legs retracted from his suit, helping him land gracefully on the floor quick enough to see the domino effect he just caused.

He quickly caught Sam’s words, looking up to see he was right outside the fallen building.

“I can!” he quickly said, flicking his wrist to catch on to a random flying alien, pulling it down to the floor as he took flight, landing on the top of one of the cracked walls. He swiftly searched for an opening under the rubble with the help of Karen tracking where he looked.

Suddenly a red light flashed from a cave like opening, giving him a small cheer at victory. As he crawled into the gap, some static came through his ear piece signalling that someone was about to talk.

“Good luck Kid,” Tony muttered into his ear followed by a loud blast as the comms cut off. Even with the rough cut, he could still feel the small smile making its way to his face.

Though there was a full fledged war going on that might decide whether everyone lived or not, all his young brain could think about was how cool it was to be fighting alongside every superhero he’s ever known, and more. If only he could go back to when he first got bitten, to tell his past self that at some point in the future he would be fighting alongside the avengers.

That he himself was an avenger.

It was crazy to think about. To think about how far he’s come that he was able to save the world and not just help some old lady cross the street. As thoughts continued to bloom in his head, he carefully crawled through all the debris, taking care that he didn't stick to parts that might take down the small opening.

Soon enough he found a clearing, what looked like a living room area judging from the couch covered in dust and the familiar stone pillars and plants. He detached himself from the ceiling, landing softly on the floor as he looked around the dirty room, moving away from the flickering wires that hung from the slanted ceiling.

He soon caught sight of something shiny and gold from underneath a fallen pillar. He punched his arm in the air, running to the object and carefully pulling the gauntlet out of its snug position.

“Found it,” he said into his comms, grunting as it finally released, sending him back slightly, “Coming out now,”

“I’ll meet you outside,” Tony said before cutting off once again.

Peter looked back at the opening determined, strutting towards the exit, his confidence growing with each step. A crunch of debris shook him out of his pride, making him stop in his tracks. He quickly ducked behind a piller, looking at the shadows shown on the wall opposite him with his hand ready to web whatever it was making its way into the cavern.

But as soon as he caught your silhouette standing in the shadows, he let out a deep breath, his shoulders sagging as his muscles lost the sudden tension. He stepped out from his hiding spot to greet you.

“Oh thank god it’s you,” Peter chuckled, his hand falling to his side as he adjusting the gauntlet in his hand, “I thought it was another one of those alien thingies,”

You stayed silent, standing ominously with your arms to the side, twirling your gun slowly. He couldn't see your face hidden in the shadows, only the red glow of the necklace around your neck, illuminating details of your suit on your chest. He noticed how your body shook lightly, like a bomb about to go off.

Peter chuckled nervously, tightening his hold on the glove.

“Is- is everything alright?” He said, taking careful steps towards you.

He didn't listen to the voices in his head telling him to run, to get away as fast as he could. You were his friend, his partner in crime he liked to say.

You would never hurt him.

You stayed silent a few seconds longer, the only thing proving to him that you weren't a lifeless manikin were your movements as you shifted from leg to leg. But he didn't think much of it, it was a scary time for everyone. Maybe you were just glad that he got the gauntlet and not someone from Thanos’ army. Maybe you were just glad to know he was okay after being separated.

“I’m sorry Peter,” you finally spoke up, your voice dangerously low, something he wasn't use to, “But I’m going to need you to give me that glove,”

Peter was taken back by your words, mostly still confused but also slightly worried at your words and sudden presence, “What! Why?”

“I can’t-,” you let out a harsh breath, “I can’t tell you why Peter, just give me the damn glove,”

“No, I-,” he let out a gasp when you raised your gun, aiming it directly at his chest, “Woah, woah, woah!” he held his empty hand up in defence, “What are you doing!”

“I’m getting that glove one way or another Parker,” you said harshly, your tone slashing at his heart, “So either you give it to me or i’m prying it off your dead corpse, you decide,”

Peter stayed silent, trying to process your sudden change in, well, you.

Only minutes ago, you were fighting alongside him, well what felt like minutes ago. He lost all concept of time when the army charged towards him, his main focus was getting that gauntlet away from Thanos and doing his job as an avenger.

But you were there, using the same gun pointing at him now to blast the same aliens attacking him. That was until the land beneath you detached itself, creating a small floating piece of dirt that took you up in the air, taking you away from him.

He didn't have time to follow you when he got tackled to the floor, losing sight of you as you moved to the direction of Thanos.

That's when it clicked in his head.

But before he could question anything, his senses went off as he narrowly dodged the blast of your gun. With the distraction, you took the opportunity to lunge at him, knocking him to the floor.

“What did he do to you!” he grunted, throwing up the gauntlet and webbing it to the ceiling. Before you could jump for it, he tackled you to the floor, webbing one of your hands to the ground.

“He told me the truth!” you screamed, punching him in the nose with your other hand. He webbed that hand to the floor as it tried to reach out to your gun. He kicked away the weapon, webbing the rest of your body, making sure that you were secure, unable to escape.

He didn't want to, but you were unstable, not yourself. Whatever Thanos did to you, fucked up the person he knew, the person he loved and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. He was determined to get you back.

“What do you mean ‘truth’? Do you hear yourself right now!” he said in vain, his chest heaving with every breath.

You stopped struggling in the webs, making Peter question if you ever were. You only laid with a wide smile on your face that soon turned into hysterical laughter. Tears flowed freely from your eyes as you tried to catch your breath making Peter’s breath hitch.

“loud and clear Peter,” you managed to get out, your laughs calming down to little giggles.

“Then why are you doing this? Why did you attack me!”

You rolled your eyes, “You refused to give the what i wanted that’s why,”

“But why do you want it?” he said desperately, growing annoyed with your vague words.

“Why do you want to save the world?” you countered, “Because it feels good right? You feel accomplished? You feel needed, you feel useful,” you shook your head, “You feel like aching pain in your chest to do the right thing, to do what you think is right for the world” you paused, “So what’s so wrong in wanting to destroy it,”

“I save the world because it's the right thing to do Y/n,” he said seriously, disgusted that you would think of the possibility of destroying the universe, “You’re killing innocent people! You lived through those five years, you knew how devastating it was for everyone,”

“But i enjoyed it,” you cut him off, “I enjoyed watching them suffer, because- because i knew it was the right thing, what Thanos did- it was destiny. It was fate! But you fail to see that, you all fail to fucking see it!”

“See what! See what!” he shouted, trying his best to understand what you were saying because none of it was processing in his head.

“People don’t appear out of thin air Peter! I didn’t have a family or friends! I woke up in the middle of nowhere! Knowing nothing about myself and you people fucking took me in and USED me because of my skil!” you spat, “When i asked to find my real family you all denied it, you denied everything i ever said, i asked, you people did nothing for me!”

He started to back away when he noticed your hands begin to glow red, the webs around your body melting off your skin. Suddenly his hands became heavy, something cold clicking around his wrists, pulling him to his knees. He struggled, his muscles strained as he tried to break free but it was futile.

He let himself get trapped, he let himself get distracted.

What confused him more was your sudden power. You were known for your slick fighting skills and use of your guns and various weapons. Not powers that made chains burst out of the ground strong enough to withhold him even with his super strength.

Did Thanos do this to you? Is this why you turned to his side, because he gave you special abilities?

“But now, I know my true self, I know my purpose,” you continued, “I’m not a superhero Peter, maybe not by your definition. Saving all those people, using my powers for ‘good’ means nothing to me,” you stood tall over him, power surging through your veins, “cause guess what! It’s repetitive! People will always find a way to get hurt, to use people for their gain! Humans! Humans are a fucking waste of time but you all never saw that. You just saw the good not the evil,”

“Because that’s our j-”

“Because that’s our job, yes I know, but it's not,” you cut him off once more, “Who ever said that we need to protect people who can’t even help themselves? Who ever said we needed to have this responsibilities on our shoulders for something we can’t even control,” you pointed at him, “You never asked to be spiderman, sure the same can’t be the same for iron man or captain america but they choose that, we didn’t,” you sighed, “But none of you understand that, only-” you paused, “only Thanos does,”

“Is that why you're doing this? Because of something our enemy said,”

“Your enemy, not mine,” you smiled weakly, “He’s made more sense to me that any of you have, he showed me my true powers, my true self in the matter of minutes, something you all couldn't do in years,” your hands dropped to your side, “because he’s my family, he knows my true destiny the real reason why I was given my gift,” you gestured to the gauntlet, “And that’s to complete what he started, that’s why he put me on earth Peter, and I can’t let you or anyone ruin that for me,”

That’s when it clicked, “You’re his child,”

You smiled softly at his words, “I’m not a hero Peter,” your shoulder shook as you let out a tired laugh, “I’ve tried telling you this so many times but you-,” you took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself, “You just never fucking listened!”

Peter stayed silent, looking down at the floor in defeat. You knelt down in front of him, talking his jaw in your fingers to pull his face up, forcing him to look into your eyes.

“I never wanted to hurt you Peter,” you whispered, your eyes softening as you looked directly into his now dull, dirty browns.

“You already did,” he sneered, feeling no remorse for his words, “You did when you took his side, when you betrayed us, after everything we’ve fucking been through your side with a purple fucking raisin,”

You only sighed, your head dropping as you stood back up, stretching your back, “You’ll understand Peter, one day you will,” you began to walk back to the gauntlet, flicking your fingers to get rid of the webs, “To bad I won’t be there for that to happen,”

The shiny piece of metal fell softly into your hands, laying snugly in your palms. Peter watched with dread as your eyes glimmered with glee, reflecting all the colours of the stones, glowing dimly when it landed on the red one.

“How do you think it’s going to feel?” you said out loud, staring in awe at the gauntlet, “I mean I’ve felt the wrath of one stone but six?!” you chuckled, “I could only imagine what that must feel like,”

Peter only grumbled at your words, looking around for something, anything that might spark a light in his mind. That might help him to escape but he found nothing. You had the power of a fucking infinity stone running through your body, if he were to try anything you were sure to break him back down despite which stone you got your powers from. It didn't matter, you were still stronger than him in every way.

“Question is, should I put the glove on, then the stones? Or maybe the other way around? Should I do them all at once or individually,” you looked back at him with a mad grin, “The options huh?”

“You really are his child,” Peter grumbled, looking off to the side, “Sick and twisted, just like him,”

“See! You finally get it!” you said excitedly, throwing your arms in the air, “Glad to know we’re finally on the same page,” you giggled right after.

Normally it would make his heart flutter, but now it only made him sick to his stomach.

“God, It’s just-” you took a deep breath, “I’ve haven't used my powers in fear of hurting others that- that I never even cared about! I just acted like i cared cause- cause that was my job right? That’s what everyone said!” you flicked your hands at the glove, morphing it into the perfect size to fit your arm right in front of his eyes, “Now, I could explore its limits, its full power without being thrown into some tacky jail in the middle of nowhere,” You grinned, “Isn't that exciting?”

You began to take out each individual stone, keeping them floating by your ideas, your eyes flickering from each one to judge it like it was a beauty pageant.

Peter looked at you ridiculously, “No, it isn't,” he took a deep breath, “Y/n, this isn’t you,”

You chuckled, fitting the glove on your hand snuggly as you raised the six individual stones further in the air, spinning them around you, “On the contrary,” you moved the space stone to one of the slots, groaning as its power seeping into your body, “I think this is most i’ve felt like myself in a while!”

He watched in horror as you put each stone in its individual departments, your smile growing wider and wider with each one. Your body began to float off the floor, the light emitted almost blinding him at how bright it grew.

“You don’t have to do this Y/n!” Peter shouted desperately, grunting as he pulled on the chains keeping him locked to the floor, “God dammit Y/n! You don’t know what you’re doing!”

You ignored his pleas, his words void of anything to your ears.

“I’m sorry Peter,” you whispered, turning back to look at him with red glowing eyes, “But the villains just have more fun,” you cackled, breath heavy as the power of all the stones surged through your veins, making them pop with colour, “And I’m about to have the time of my life,”

With that, a bright white light filled Peter’s eyes, knocking him back against the debris, taking him out cold on the floor.

...

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#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x fem!reader #peter parker x gn!reader #peter parker x villain!reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x avenger!reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker angst #marvel #marvel angst

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pluviophile-bookworm · 3 years

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ashlyn and big red for the character thing!

Ahhh anon thank you so much for giving me another opportunity to talk about these two! They own my heart and soul and I'm not for sale!

All that being said, answering these questions about them seems very difficult to me right now, but I'll try because I owe it to their awesomeness.

Ashlyn:

favourite thing about her: she is literally the brightest star but she's always so supportive of literally everyone else; also, she dabbles into so many things, which, as a translator, I appreciate a lot (since, you know, translators are supposed to have basic knowledge of anything and everything) - she's basically my kind of person, I'd 100% try my hardest to be her friend if I went to East High with the gang

least favourite thing about her: umm, I like everything about her? Like she's literally a gorgeous human being who can do no wrong... ok, maybe I didn't very much appreciate her disclosing information that was shared with her (and the rest of the girls) in confidence (I mean in 2x10 when she told Big Red what Seb had confided in the girls about his issues with Carlos), but it's not like she announced it to the world. She shared it with her boyfriend, which is at worst a case of good communication gone a tad too far, and at best just good communication.

favourite line: this one's really hard because I can't pick just one. Guess I'll have to go with 'So meek, so mild, sword' because I think about that one a lot for some reason, or alternatively 'You walk into a room' because of the matter-of-fact way she said it - she was not trying to pay a compliment, just being genuine and saying what she believes to be the truth (and she was not wrong)

brOTP: Gina, who else? They're sisters. Enough said.

OTP: is this even a question? Big Red, big time. Redlyn is in the top three of my OTPs of all time.

nOTP: anyone who is not Big Red... they're soulmates, your honour.

random headcanon: she and EJ are the only people capable of falling asleep in the presence of Big Red's sleep apnea machine... it's an overachiever thing, I guess.

unpopular opinion: I'm not really sure I have unpopular opinions about Ash. Maybe it's the people I surround myself with here on Tumblr, but everyone seems to love and appreciate her as much as I do - as we should, by the way. She deserves all the love.

song I associate with her: Never Underestimate a Girl by Vanessa Hudgens and Cover Girl by BTR (told you I couldn't help slipping back into my BTR phase now that they're coming back)

favourite picture of her:

I guess this one. I just love how the cape looks on her, plus can we talk about the emotion on her face? She's living the part, not just playing it. We stan a superb actress doing her absolute best with a co-lead who is quite frankly doing the opposite of leading.

Big Red:

favourite thing about him: umm, everything? But if I had to pick a few things only, I'd say his side eyes (and his facial expressions in general, really), the fact that he's always, always there for Ricky (I hope that boy returns the favour someday soon), his hidden talents, and last but not least, the way he gets around power tools - it just gets to me in a way I can't quite comprehend.

least favourite thing about him: is this a bloody trick question? Nothing. Although I've got to say I think the fact that he kept his tapping talent secret from everyone was just... denying the world a blessing. I am so happy that secret is out.

favourite line: this one's a tough call, too. Do I go with the iconic 'Did I just join a cult?', the underrated 'Maybe I can't read lips', the unforgettable 'underrated style legend'... Idk, he is the king of one-liners.

brOTP: I really want to say Ricky because, well, when it comes to their friendship, Big Red is doing his part and beyond. However, Ricky just isn't always being the best friend Big Red deserves. So I'm thinking, why not EJ? They could bond over their love and admiration for Ashlyn, among other things, plus they just have to get along, don't they? They'll be in-laws someday, after all. I said what I said.

OTP: Ashlyn and literally no one else. They're soulmates — Ashlyn said it, not me. Although I have been saying it for a while, too.

nOTP: anyone who is not Ashlyn. See above. I've got nothing to say on the topic that I haven't said already.

random headcanon: he probably has ADHD? Idk, might be just me projecting. But he's definitely not neurotypical. Also, he's just as multi-talented as Ashlyn — he's just keeping it hidden because he doesn't like drawing attention to himself.

unpopular opinion: I'm calling this unpopular just because I'm not aware of anyone else having said it, but — he would benefit greatly from an emotional support power drill. The boldness power tools seem to give him... he could take over the world if he were like that all the time.

song I associate with him: Hey You by Miranda Cosgrove (gosh, not me dusting off the old records for this ask!)

favourite picture of him:

I couldn't really pick just one, but I really like this outfit on him and the s1 finale post-credits scene still blows me away each time I rewatch it, or even simply think about it.

#ask game #hsmtmts #ashlyn caswell #ashlyn moon caswell #big red redonovich #redlyn

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themountainsays · 3 years

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Is anyone else curious about why exactly did Sylvie change her name? I mean, I suspect it’s mostly a narrative device, because telling a story in which the two main characters have the exact same name is a bit difficult, and Sylvie having a different name does emphasize her individuality, thematically, but what are the in-universe explanations? I have a few theories:

Sylvie has met other Lokis in her travel, and she dislikes them so much, she tries to distance herself from them as much as possible, to the point her chosen name is not only a sound, but a way to distinguish herself as a different person. I find this a bit strange because, if I met an alternative version of myself from a different timeline, I wouldn’t change my name lol. Why do I have to change because the other me is an ass? I wouldn’t let myself be moved aside by some asshole. If they’re so much worse than me, then that proves I’m the superior variant. Case closed. If Sylvie is denying her original identity (because remember, being Loki was her true, genuine identity before she decided to change. Being Loki wasn’t imposed on her), then she must believe there’s nothing good in being Loki, and the only way to be good and rise among the other Lokis is... to not be Loki. Which is pretty sad. In order to be good she has to stop being herself, even in name. I don’t doubt “Sylvie” becomes her true, genuine identity in time, but... Loki was also a true and genuine identity before. Ironically, all Lokis seem to want to rise above the other Lokis lol. President Loki wants to rule over them all, Boastful Loki and all others were planning to betray him and take over anyway, Classic Loki and Kid Loki want to change and become morally superior to them, and our Loki repeatedly refers to himself as the Superior Variant. Sylvie wanting to Not Be Like The Other Lokis is a bit counter-productive, but he still gets a gold star for originality imo. This option does open for some interesting character development when she meets a Loki who is good and whom she loves even though he doesn’t want to give up his identity, because if he can be a Loki and be good at the same time, then what does that mean for her?

Similar to the previous theory but not quite, Sylvie believes what the TVA said about Loki, that is, that they’re destined to cause pain and destruction in order to support others’ character arcs, and rejecting her Loki identity is her way to forge her own destiny. In this case, Sylvie changing her name has less to do with comparing herself to other Lokis and more with trying to escape what the TVA dictated she should be, and then “Loki” is an abstract concept, and not a concrete person (er, group of people?) she wants to reject. Which I still think is pretty sad too, because then she’s always the flexible one. She’s always the one changing to avoid condemnation. Again, she believes there’s no hope for Loki, and if she wants things to go well for her, she needs to stop being Loki. I mean, again, I wouldn’t change my name and identity if I found out me from a different dimension was doomed from the start, so this must be really shocking and painful for her, so painful she wants to become a different person. In time, she succeeds, especially as she becomes an adult and and her identity as Sylvie is solidified.

Sylvie’s backstory as Loki is much longer than we thought, and she did some fucked up shit as Loki. Changing her name is her attempt at starting over. This is the most basic option but the one that makes the most sense to me, though something this important should probably be clarified in the show. Posibly in Season 2? That would fit in nicely. Basically, in this theory Sylvie isn’t comparing herself to other Lokis or to the TVA’s Ideal Loki, but to her past self. The line “That’s not who I am anymore” comes to mind. It sounds like something someone on a redemption arc would say, rather than a victim of kidnapping who found out her alternative universe self was a little shit. I like this theory the best, because it’s the one that grants Sylvie the most agency. In the other two options, she’s changing for the sake of others, even if she doesn’t think so, because she’s trying so hard to not be what they want her to be that she’s abandoning parts of herself in the process, like her own name. A name that, again, wasn’t imposed on her! She was Loki, 100% genuinely and truly and she decided to change. Now she’s... still Loki, but a different Loki. Not Like The Other Lokis. And I do like to think she’s doing it for herself and not for the TVA or for other versions of herself she met in her travels.

Now, I don’t think her identity as “Sylvie” is fake or not genuine at all! She is Sylvie, definitely! But that wasn’t the identity she started off with. It’s something that took her some time to build, and I want to know why. Why, exactly, does she reject being a Loki so badly? What did the Idea of Loki do to her? Why does she hate who she was as a child? Why does she try to remove herself from the narrative instead of changing it? For someone so determined to rewrite her own destiny, changing her identity sounds more like trying to escape from it.

And I’d understand if “Loki” was... a title, for example. Like “God of Mischief”. I can see her rejecting that title if it didn’t fit her. But... in-universe, “Loki” is just a sound. There isn’t a specific etymology behind it. It’s not even a gendered sound. The word doesn’t mean anything in itself, it’s up to the bearer. Sylvie could have redefined it as anything she wanted, but instead, she abandoned it and choose a different name on her own. And that’s certainly very rebellious of her! Very thematically profound! I love it! But in-universe... you have to admit it’s a pretty odd thought process. Though I’m 95% we’re meant to suspend our disbelief a little. Sylvie changed her name because the writers needed her to, and it also happens to be thematically fitting even if it was an odd choice from part of the character, but who cares. Lokis are pretty eccentric anyways.

And speaking of that, something I love is that Sylvie doesn’t fully reject her identity as Loki, either. She still dresses like one, her magic and battle strategies are similar to all the others’, and she shares certain personality traits with all other Lokis, like being very ambitious, cunning, a bit manipulative, and liking knives, as well as being bisexual and possibly genderfluid. She doesn’t dress like Loki because she wants to imitate Loki - she’s dressing like herself, and all these things that make her Loki are part of her true nature. if anything, she could say the others are imitating her. She rejects the name, but being Loki is still who she is. There’s still a constant that prevails through all variants. Which leads us to the question - what makes a Loki a Loki? And I like to think the range is pretty wide. You share this Temporal Aura thing? Congrats you’re a Valid™ Loki, you don’t need to stop being who you already are to be... you. If you need to change your name and identity to be you, then that reinforces the idea that there’s only one allowed way to be Loki, which is, to cause pain and destruction just so Thor and Iron-Man and idk who else can have character arcs.

And... I don’t know if this interpretation is correct, because the story isn’t over. The show repeatedly asks the question, what makes a Loki a Loki? And it never reaches a concrete answer, other that a nebulous Not Dying Thing. And I think that’s because both our Loki and Sylvie are pretty confused right now. Especially Sylvie. She denies being a Loki time and time again in Episode 2 and 3, but in Episode 4, she says something around the lines of “Do you think what makes a Loki a Loki is that we’re always destined to lose?”, literally refering to herself as Loki. Later on in Episode 5, she loudly proclaims she and Loki are the same (not to mention Loki describes the other variants as “Us in the future/as a kid/as an alligator”, and later says “We’re stronger than we realize” after watching Classic Loki’s great display of power, and Sylvie doesn’t bat an eye). In Episode 6, she looks at Loki in the eye and tell him she’s not him. These contradictions are very interesting because... I think they show her trying to figure out what this whole adventure means for their identities. She seeks comfort in the similarities and sameness between her and Loki and tries to distance herself from him when he does something she dislikes. She’s heartbroken when he goes against her wishes and wonder why can’t they see eye to eye, after taking comfort in “being the same” for the past two episodes. Given the context, I think her final line in Episode 6 shows her thinking Loki only cares about her because he sees her as an extension of himself. Whis is obviously wrong. He doesn’t think that. I assume future installments will show her learning her judgment here was wrong. And that makes me wonder this question will be revisited in Season 2.

Obviously, Sylvie’s character arc isn’t going to be about her abandoning her individuality, but I’m curious to see if Season 2 explores the nature and origins of her identity and what her relationship with Loki means for it.

EDIT: something I can't understand is why on Earth would she refer to her chosen name as an alias. That's weird. Was that an unimportant off-hand line or is it Thematically Significant? Does it hint at a future identity crisis or am i Looking Too Deep Into It?

#character analysis: sylvie #sylvie laufeydottir #loki tv #loki spoilers #2 am thoughts #ahhhhh lord who art in the sky #please keep the discourse away from this post

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vivithefolle · 3 years

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I'm a bit confused. You said in one post that you thoroughly dislike Hermione and that you had no respect for her at all. Yet ... you like Romione? idk, it seems contradictory tbh. I like when Romione shippers acknowledge her flaws and messed up moments but when someone that dislike and even hate her character that much ships Romione and I see them posting about them and calling them "cute" just seems weird

I’ll share with you my whole thought process so you can understand where I’m coming from:

Itty-bitty Vivi who read Harry Potter for the first time (at 13/14, so not so itty-bitty I guess, oops): Woaaah Hermione and Ron yaay!!! They're awesome I love them! They're my OTP always and forever!! Best thing to happen in Harry Potter!! JKR is a genius!

Slightly less itty-bitty Vivi discovering the Harry Potter fandom online (thankfully years after the ship wars, else I probably wouldn't have survived): Why is there so much hate towards Ron? And why are people so opposed to Romione?? It was meant to be since the first book! Or, okay, the second book is when I realized it was gonna happen, but still! Oh well, here is a fic where Hermione berates Ron for everything and he is the only one actually working for their relationship. Cool, more Romione!

Even less itty-bitty Vivi starting her own Tumblr and going around, adding her grain of salt to debates and talking about stuff: Yeah! Ron is great! He's done bad things of course but Hermione has done her fair share of bad things too! Actually, now that I'm rereading the books, I'm reminded of this person I used to call a friend, who was quite smart and cultured but would often be very harsh to me because they claimed it was “for your own good" and “because I'm more mature than you"… I still wanted to be around them, because they were just so smart and passionate, but we often rowed and eventually they really just went too far and tried to make ME out to be the bad guy and most people believed them because they had a reputation as someone cool and logical while I was known for being emotional… wait, what the fuck, that's… that's exactly what happens in the fandom with Ron and Hermione! What the fuck, was I Ron? Admired their intelligence, praised and supported them, fell in love even but was met with scorn and open disdain?!… no, no, come on. Hermione wasn't that bad.

Vivi rereading Half-Blood Prince (and no, this wasn't about the canaries, but about what Hermione was doing after): Oh my god she was that bad.

Vivi as she ponders alternately: Wait, what about JK Rowling? What does she think about all that? What was her intention, what did she want to accomplish with the characters? I know books belong to their readers but if I want as objective an analysis as possible I must try to understand her thought process while she wrote.

Vivi learning about a staple of British literature called “literary alchemy”: The quarreling couple!! Sulfur and Mercury, the Red King and the White Queen, who must marry for the story to end happily!! And their union is represented by… a rose!! Oh my god, that is brilliant, that is so cool! Romione was ALWAYS going to happen, I knew it! Ha!

Vivi discovering the “[Ron] needed to make himself worthy of Hermione” quote: Wha… but… what? Worthy? As if Hermione was some sort of precious trophy or whatever? What the hell? Wait, Ron had to make himself worthy of her but Hermione didn't have to make herself worthy of him? Is it because Ron is the boy or some shit like that??

Vivi going through JK Rowling's interviews and finding sexism and double-standards galore: Yep, it's because he's the boy. And that bit about Hermione being based off herself when she was younger… ouch. And to top it off the scriptwriter pretty much worshipped Hermione…

Vivi rereading the books again: Is it just me, or does Ron hardly ever get any praise or acknowledgement from the adult characters? Meanwhile Harry and Hermione get stuff like “as good as Charlie Weasley" or “brightest witch of her age"! And, damn, I used to side with Hermione because I love cats, but she was completely awful in POA! She apologized but then the plot made her out to be right even then?? And I always thought her Yule Ball entrance was kinda over-the-top, but damn if that's not compensating for something! Also what the hell, I get that Harry is suffering and all but will someone PLEASE pay attention to the fact that Ron is being bullied BY A FOURTH OF THE STUDENT BODY AND NOBODY SEEMS EVEN REMOTELY CONCERNED????? Also what the hell is wrong with the sixth book, I never liked it much but it's like it's trying to make every character look bad, wtf?? And, and, holy shit I never noticed but Ron was asking legit questions during the Horcrux Hunt debate but Harry kept deflecting or mocking him but it's still Ron who had to apologize in the end??? And I've read a whole post about how Hermione punching Ron is the appropriate reaction for a very small child and not a supposedly “mature" character, and that Harry had to SHIELD RON FROM HER, oh my god?? It's… oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with JK Rowling?

Vivi, in denial: Well, Harry Potter is decidedly not a romance. It's about love, but romantic love is quite far down the priority list when it comes to it. JKR has herself confessed that she wasn't too good at writing romance, and I don't blame her because writing romance is hard. But I did enjoy Romione! When I was little I saw it coming from a mile away, granted I was already savvy in literature but that must have been because she was doing something right! And then the sixth book happened… the sixth book which… which was released after the Harry Potter movies were being filmed, wasn't it?

Vivi looking up the timelines: Oh my god. Oh my god it's even worse, the movies were being discussed before Goblet of Fire came out. Come to think of it, I always found that the Trio felt… different, after Prisoner of Azkaban. Harry and Ron especially felt like they had gotten dumber? And Hermione was suddenly explaining everything when exposition used to be split between her and Ron…

Vivi, in mourning: So that's what happened. Ron ended up being shortchanged to make Hermione look better, because Rowling was fonder of Hermione than she was of Ron, and the scriptwriter too come to think of it. Curse you, Steve Kloves!!!

Vivi, who is nothing if not what Pokémon fans call a nostalgiafag: But… but… yeah, it sucks that Ron was shortchanged, and actually yeah it's a freaking travesty and I WILL freaking spread the world about this, mark my words, but, but I still… I can't help it, when Hermione “looked up at Ron and her frostiness seemed to melt" I melt too. When Ron compliments Hermione or tries to take care of her as much as he can I… it still does something to me, I still find myself rooting for them even if I know there's the awful sixth book and the stupid post-Locket beatdown. Their kiss, for God's sake, I've just realized that Ron may have swept Hermione off her feet physically, but it's Hermione who jumped him, you could say Hermione metaphorically swept Ron off his feet!! God damn it, that's good, that's so good!

Vivi, at war with herself: No, I can't let myself be blinded by nostalgia!! The facts are that Hermione shows borderline abusive - even actually abusive - behaviour, this can't be denied! I don't want to root for an abusive relationship! I don't want to root for a relationship that relies on my favourite character being dumbed down to work!!!

Vivi, about to uncover the secrets of the universe: … wait a second. I don't have to.

Vivi, having an epiphany: Reading Solstice Muse's Romione fanfics gives me such happiness because she just gets the characters! She doesn't portray Hermione as perfect and never fucking up, and she always treats what happens to Ron with respect… Well, especially since she can't play them off as a joke since she often makes Ron the POV character. But, yeah! I can still like Romione… if it's well-written. Which, well, isn't the case in the original books… at least, isn't the case anymore after Rowling's bias got the best of her. Even though they do have their great moments.

Vivi, finding purpose in her life: I am going to spread awareness. I am going to tell the world. Fuck, just rereading the books, I've noticed how blatant the favouritism is and how unbalanced it can be. No wonder the fandom seems to collectively scoff at Ron - the books themselves do whenever it's convenient for them! The fandom plays favourites, because the author herself played favourites, and the worst part is that she didn't even realize it! Imagine you spend your life getting into traumatic situations out of love for your friends who always receive compassion and validation for their feelings about said traumas, but YOUR trauma is hardly touched upon and in the rare case it is, it's only to be mocked or used against you… Fuck! You're a piece of work, JKR! And the fandom just swallows it whole like a bunch of lobotomized snakes! Screw it! Screw it, I'm going to say it like it is, and I'm going to say it LOUDLY! People are going to hear about what Ron goes through and we'll see if Harry and Hermione look like the only ones worthy of therapy then!!

Present day Vivi, as she scrolls through the (heavily filtered) Romione tag on AO3: Ugh, another Drarry… and another… and another… oh, a Hinny-centric fic for a change, cool but I'm looking for more Romione than that, sorry. Gah, why is it that Romione appears as a secondary ship everywhere but they can't get their own stories? I've just seen a Snupin come up for God's sake! Oh, finally, a full Romione!! *clicks* … … … awww that was so sweet. Kudos! Okay back to the search… oh, another one!! *clicks* … … … it's Ron-bashing. It's Ron-bashing and it's not tagged Ron-bashing and that's why it showed up in my search AND I'M GOING TO FREAKING RIOT-

#vivi answers #ask #romione #ron weasley #hermione granger #ron weasley defense squad #ron weasley defence squad #ron x hermione #harry potter series #anti jk rowling

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littleoddwriter · 3 years

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BoP!Roman Sionis has BPD (in my opinion) | Headcanon

Disclaimer: This is purely a headcanon with some “evidence” from the film. I have been diagnosed with BPD. This is by no means meant to invalidate any other headcanons (like the Bipolar one, which I’ll also mention here). Please don’t come for my ass, thanks!

Personally, I headcanon BoP!Roman Sionis to suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). For one, I have been diagnosed with it, so I feel more connected to him through that (so, I may be projecting a liiittle bit). But he also shows quite a few signs for it, albeit it probably wasn’t intentional, nor does he have to have a specific disorder assigned to him anyway. Still!

I saw a lot of people assign Bipolar Disorder to him from the day the movie premiered, and while I can’t deny the possibility, nor do I want to take away anyone’s headcanon, one reason why I was always a bit “Hhh, idk” with it is because his mood swings are way too rapid. They happen in such quick succession, whereas Bipolar Disorder is known for- not gradual, but more long-lasting and slower changing moods/mood swings. BPD on that note happens in moments, almost. You can be feeling like you’re on top of the world, a God even, in one moment, and the very next - usually because of a trigger - you plummet, you feel everything at once, it is overwhelming. Most common are anxiety, guilt, or anger. Rage. Which Roman displays. He is also quick to calm down after an episode and act as if nothing has happened at all, which is also quite common in people with BPD.

It is of course possible that he has Bipolar and BPD. I’ve met some people who suffered from both (and more). It’s possible and quite common, since BPD often comes with other disorders anyway. They don’t cancel each other out. So, if anyone headcanons him with Bipolar, then that’s what he has and you can do whatever you want with that, I support that. I just feel as if sometimes people reached a quick verdict because the mood swings were so potent that they might have immediately connected it to Bipolar, because that’s pretty much all that people usually know about it. Or someone who suffers from it has seen Roman and thought “I see myself in that” and that’s super valid because that’s basically what I’m doing here, too. I still thought I’d bring it to attention, since it almost became Fanon at one point and I just felt as though the more plausible answer has been overlooked all this time, I’m not going to lie.

Onto the signs/”evidence” of Roman suffering from BPD that I found/have personally interpreted that way (again, you can interpret/headcanon whatever you want):

Please note that there are 9 Symptoms of BPD that are used to diagnose people. You have to show at least 5 of them to qualify for a diagnosis. It can’t be diagnosed before the age of 18, and it’s important that the symptoms have been going on for a long time in a certain pattern that aligns with BPD, rather than anything else because most BPD symptoms are ones that show in other disorders as well.

Intense fear of real or imagined abandonment and frantic attempts/efforts to stop said abandonment from happening: Roman is shown to 1) not handle rejection well at all (example: Keo, Dinah’s betrayal - and his reaction), 2) cling onto other people (example: Dinah), 3) need reassurance that he’s not being betrayed/abandoned (example: Dinah), etc. You get the idea. He reacts extremely to these things. Mr Keo rejects him? He gets murdered. Dinah betrays him? He breaks down completely.

Intense mood swings: What I said above - his mood swings are quick and extreme. He’s agitated, even raging, in one moment and in the next he jumps up, is giddy and excited, as though nothing ever happened.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation: Just like moods, and helped by the black/white thinking, opinions of other people can change in a heartbeat. Also characterised by a BPD-exclusive thing, called Splitting. One moment you’ll love someone to the moon and back, then they make one mistake, change their tone, anything, and you hate them, they’re evil, you want them gone. Sounds as unhealthy and exhausting as it is. Again with Dinah - she used to just be a singer in his club, which he was fascinated by. She comforted him. Suddenly, he made her his new driver and his opinion of her didn’t necessarily change, but it intensified, he “loved” her more than anything, or anyone else at that time - idealised her (I’d say that she momentarily was his new Favourite Person (FP, also BPD exclusive), even though Zsasz has been his FP for over a decade by then). Then she betrayed him and while he didn’t want Zsasz to kill her immediately, you could say that he may have wanted to do it himself. He definitely hated her at that point. She was evil, a betrayer. She needed to be gone.

Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self: Basically, I’d say that his carefully constructed vain facade is part of it. I think he built this flamboyant, outgoing persona to appeal to others and be able to socialise better. He lives off of approval and attention, and the best way to get it is to be loud and eccentric the way we know him in the film. And he is narcissistic to a fault, which you could attribute to BPD as well, but also his lack of a clear sense of self, therefore forcing it by idealising himself almost. Just my thoughts, though. The more valuable evidence for this is Black Mask. Roman has this different persona, both as protection, and as a means to let go, to get away from himself, to be even more cruel, etc. But he doesn’t always make use of it, hell, for all we know, the end of the movie really was the first time (in a long time, perhaps) he’s actually been Black Mask. I believe that he doesn’t really know who he is, or who he wants to be. Black Mask knows it, though, and he is better in ways that Roman can’t push himself to be. At least that’s my take on it. I just feel as if Roman’s very flamboyant and eccentric persona is something he consciously built, that it’s someone he pretends to be, even though deep down he knows he’s not that. Or maybe it’s just a part of him that he amplifies because he doesn’t know what else there is to him, doesn’t see anything else significant to himself. You know?

Impulsive and often dangerous behaviours: Roman abuses substances (he takes drugs, drinks alcohol), especially when he is trying to cope after being rejected (Keo). Other things would only be speculation, so I won’t list them, but it’s safe to say that he does show this symptom.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, or recurrent physical fights): Not much to say to that, if you’re reading this, you have seen the film and know exactly why I say that he clearly shows this symptom.

Paranoia and Dissociation: It’s not an entirely clear thing, but I’d argue that it’s safe to say that he shows clear signs of dissociation and paranoia. [I’d also say he is shown to be psychotic (he’s definitely delusional and has auditory hallucinations, so- psychosis).] For the paranoia, I doubt I have to say a lot about this, but- Black Canary again. “You wouldn’t betray me, would you?” after he’s already been betrayed by Harley and then Erika, who he thought has been laughing at him. He can’t trust anyone. Not even Zsasz, apparently. Because when Victor told him Dinah is a rat, he asked him “Are you sure?”, making it clear that in this very moment, he didn’t trust him either. I feel like he probably doesn’t even trust Victor as blindly as we were made to believe anyway, due to his paranoia. [Now for the psychosis: You can hear too loud and distorted laughter when Keo rejects him, when Erika supposedly laughed at him, and when Victor tells him Dinah is a rat. I’d say that it’s safe to assume that he hears this laughter in his head - auditory hallucinations.] He also dissociates, when he becomes Black Mask, and when he is having an episode because of the diamond being stolen. Only Victor could ground him by intense physical contact and seeking just as intense eye contact.

As you can see, I can assign 7 of the 9 criteria to Roman (the two that have been left out were self-harming/suicidal behaviour and chronic feelings of emptiness, both of which I can’t determine through what we’ve been shown in the film, so).

Still, to me, he may as well suffer from both BPD and Bipolar, which would make his psychosis even more likely (psychosis can also be caused by BPD, but actual hallucinations are less common, usually we are more likely to “only” experience delusions).

If anyone’s even read all of this - What are your thoughts on this? Do you think it’s plausible? Did you have a wholly different opinion? I’d love to hear anything people have to say, as long as it is respectful!

#bpd #borderline personality disorder #roman sionis #ewan mcgregor #birds of prey #harley quinn birds of prey #birds of prey and the fantabulous emancipation of one harley quinn #headcanon #mental disorder headcanon #character study #dissociation #paranoia #psychosis #just for those who have blacklisted these tags idk #i wanted to write a vent fic because my bpd f-ed me over big time today #but instead i wrote this in the past three hours #and i am making it everyone else's problem #so rip lol

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newhologram · 3 years

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I know only a few of you are on IG so I wanted to give an update here on the past few days. I am doing this knowing the potential risk but I need to also record where I'm at right now in case anything weird happens.

My week has been like this so far. Sunday: Family Member 1 misplaced their Xbox controller. They kept asking me if I knew where it was, each time growing more and more aggressive. I don't have an Xbox, I reminded them. I have my own controller for my PC. But they kept knocking loudly on my door. They followed me outside where I was vaping and tried to accuse me of I don't even know what. Pawning off their controller? FM1 said, "Is there something going on that you're not telling me? SOMEONE'S messing with me!" Later that night they and their gf were making dinner. FM1 suddenly knocked harshly on my door and said aggressively, "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE OVEN MITTS" in an angry voice. I was already stressed from them harassing me earlier about the controller. I came out of my room, heart racing, and told them I had not used them that day. I helped find the mitts, which had fallen behind the trash can because the hanging hook had broken. I went to bed on edge, feeling unsafe and targeted, wondering why my family member was suddenly acting so paranoid and accusing me of misplacing their things... Something they actually have done to me my whole life, denying it until the moment my item is found, when they suddenly remember they did move it there (or accidentally throw it out/destroy it). The controller ended up being some random place in the living room. Monday: I went to leave for my acupuncture appointment. My booster seat/pillow thing was missing from my car. Not in the trunk or anything. I cannot drive without it. I'm too short to see over the steering wheel. I called FM1 and they have no idea where it could be, despite the fact that they drive my car every day. FM1's gf helped find it, in the garage. But I still had an epic fucking meltdown, sobbing the whole way to and from my appointment. I just cannot handle people moving my shit and disrupting my schedule like that. And it just hurt so much more knowing that FM1 was so awful to me the day before about their stuff being misplaced. I'm always having my personal belongings, my feelings, my personhood, disrespected. It hurts deeply. When I got home I stressed to them that this is my car, and my accommodation should not ever be removed from it under any circumstances. It was after this that I decided it was time to hold a family meeting. I called Family Member 2 and 3 over to the house. I read a long letter to them in which I told them about the talks I have had with my therapist, psychiatrist, and another psychologist. Even though I cannot be formally assessed and diagnosed at this time, I am being treated for autism. I detailed to my family my entire life of trauma that is traced back directly to my autistic traits, and my needs not only not being met, but being outright denied. I was denied empathy most of my life for my sensory issues, my pain, everything. A big part of this is gaslighting. Even if it's unintentional or not malicious, gaslighting is incredibly traumatic. Especially when it comes to my sensory issues. I have had even more problems with overstimulation the past year which means I can barely sleep, so my daily naps are even more important. I try to coordinate my naps when there is less activity in my house. But if I'm in a ton of pain and extra sensitive and ask for quiet, that's when I get in trouble and a fight happens. That's when FM1 tells me I "need to be realistic" and "can't expect the whole world to shut up for you"... when I'm literally saying "I have a migraine and need to rest, can you please not play loud music or slam cupboards in the kitchen for a few hours?"

I was emotionally neglected and abused by both parents. A lot of it is just the result of their own trauma that they have not dealt with... But I have also been physically threatened and assaulted by them at different times, though it only happened those specific times. (They won't ever admit to it though.) The emotional and mental abuse still goes on in my home. I am not allowed to have emotions. I have been told "STOP. WHY ARE YOU CRYING. LIFE'S NOT FAIR. WHEN YOU GET OUT IN THE REAL WORLD YOU'LL HAVE SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT" over and over--like... in response to me crying about my pet dying, or in response to me crying bc I'm in horrible pain from my chronic illnesses, or crying after my usual yearly ER visit. I am also not allowed to have boundaries. I have tried to communicate with FM1 that these things hurt me deeply. And their response is basically, "YOU'RE SO UNGRATEFUL. I PUT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD!" and threats such as "BETWEEN TAKING CARE OF YOU AND GRANMDA, ONE OF THESE DAYS I'M GOING TO DRIVE OFF AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN!" or "I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU"-- y'know, in response to having a disabled child. Ouch. The message is clear: I am nothing but an inconvenience and a burden to my family. I still have nightmares about them abandoning me, or abusing me more. I think in their heads they think that they love me. But this isn't love. If I try to talk to them about how dangerous it is for them to say things like that to me, they say "I never said/did that." Which brings us back to the gaslighting: I said that every time they gaslight me and tell me that my emotions/thoughts/experiences aren't real, it triggers me so badly that I self-harm and become suicidal.

I was very clear with them: I said that I can no longer have that in my life because one day it will kill me. I don't wanna die that way. I want to live. I have very bad PTSD and it's something I have worked on for 8 years but it has been worse the past year with so many disruptions and FM1's worsening narcissistic traits. I gave the choice to them. I said if they gaslighted me again that they were making the decision to not be in my life. Because this is about preserving my life. I'm trying not to die here. I'm literally trying to save my own life, even if that means not having a relationship with my family. They accept that I am autistic... But they then took turns gaslighting me. When I pointed out, "that's gaslighting. that's exactly what I just said in my letter. What you're doing is gaslighting" they went even harder on it. They said my experience and my trauma is "not in line with reality". They also said I "need to be reasonable" with the boundary that I'm setting (meaning: they don't believe in boundaries at all). They tried to guilt trip me with, "you can't cut someone out of your life because what if they DIE and then you FEEL GUILTY??" (I mean, what if I killed myself because you keep hurting me? Wouldn't you feel guilty about that?) They also guilt tripped me with "well we TRY to invite you to family stuff, and we try to include you, but you never want to go..." um... I guess they forgot I am chronically ill? Sorry if I don't have the energy or pain tolerance to drive an hour each way to a loud family party after I've worked all week? I cried and cried, I said this is exactly what I told you that you do to me and how it endangers my life... and you're doing it... while telling me you don't do it to me... They were all weird and told me "we love you and would do anything for you!" except... I guess, not gaslight me constantly? Idk. I felt so trapped. I felt so hopeless. I was up all night crying. I wondered, "Why is the idea of me having distance from them somehow worse than me being dead? Why would they prefer that I die rather than set a boundary that will save me?" And then I remembered: I had set the terms. They broke them. You do this, you're out of my life, because me being alive is more important than us having a relationship which will eventually kill me. I'm not trapped. It doesn't matter if they think they can prevent me from setting this boundary because they can't. I'm in charge of my boundary. So I blocked them on social media, as well as their phones. I have to unfortunately keep FM1 unblocked bc I live with them, they drive my car, and they look after my cats while I am at work. If I didn't have so many great things happening behind the scenes, if I didn't have my cats, if I didn't have amazing friends and followers who are supportive and kind... I can definitely see that I would have ended my life that night in some alternate timeline. That is how much pain I was in from them doing that to me. Them literally trying to gaslight me into not setting a boundary. I mean it would've been so ridiculous on their part, can you imagine? Me: Hey family, when you gaslight me, it makes me suicidal. I don't want to die, so either you stop doing that, or we can't have a relationship. Family: UHH NO *gaslights me anyway* Me: ok *kills self* Family: *surprised Pikachu face* Like???? Would they really have been shocked because it seems like they should have known since I told them directly? And that just shows that they really don't take my pain seriously at all. They think I'm overly sensitive and that my trauma is not real. That would have been a painful wake up call for them. I told my therapist all of this. And she agrees that this is good, this is going to not only ween them off of me but also allow me to focus on all the good stuff I have going on. I have to get moving. So much stuff has been lagging because I'm constantly recovering from them triggering me. I'm going to focus, and heal, and gtfo of here. Thank you for your support and for never invalidating my pain.

#teku #personal #d o nut #reba gel #!#donut rebagel plz

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unsettledink · 3 years

Text

(Part two of looking back at the fandoms I was in and the fics I wrote in 2020)

(Part one here.)

Most popular story:

By Kudos (and comments), Seiche : By hits, Indefensible : On tumblr, Pocket Change

Story you wish was more successful:

Well, that’s kind of the curse of writing rare pairs. I want anything with Tony/Quentin or Peter/Quentin to be more successful, lol. Defining the feeling of success in fandoms/pairings like that is tricky, because— do I wish they’d gotten more attention? Of course! Do I consider them fairly successful because they got any attention? Yeah, kinda.

Something like Intent got very little response, but considering the size and age of the fandom, it actually felt successful to get any response?

The entire Old Adages series I really wish had found an audience; I’m very fond of it, and it’s… softer than I usually write? The filthy smutty kinky stuff always outpreforms anything else, and that sort of thing feels easy for me. And I’m extrapolating a lot for young Quentin’s characterization, so I’m a little insecure about that as well.

Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story:

You know, there are several stories I feel like should be that? But let’s be honest, considering what I’ve written in the past, they’re not that bad.

So I’m going to have to go with Creepy Crawly. I mean, I get squicked a little if I read it in the wrong mindset. SPIDERS D:

Hardest story to write:

Causality. I just… could not quite connect somehow. I had the image in my head fine, but when I went to write it I felt pretty meh. I think I hadn’t done much (any?)Peter POV at that point, so that was a stretch. And I think I’d been spending so much time in the world of Gotcha that any other version of Peter/Quentin felt strange. I got it done, I have a sequel planned, but it was a struggle.

No Lies was also tricky. I picked the prompt ‘make-up’ because I had this crystal clear mental image of someone kneeling, crying, makeup smeared all over them. But I didn’t know WHO. I tried so many pairings and characters, and even when I figured out that I really wanted that to be Tony… who with? Could I actually make Peter behaving that way believable?? Once I got it sorted out the writing was easy, but getting there - gah.

Easiest story to write:

Indefensible was bizarre to write, because it literally just arrived in my brain in one giant chunk, complete, and I just had to transcribe it over a day or two. Very odd.

Pocket Change was much the same. The idea appeared and that first image of Tony holding the bill was just… there. The rest of it fell into place so easily as I went along.

Most fun story to write:

Just a Bite was a lot of fun to write. It’s a topic I enjoy anyway, and I like trying to focus in on one element like that. Peter discovering a new thing he liiiiikes is always a ton of fun.

11:59 was also surprisingly fun? Like— three characters that have interesting dialogue patterns, a slightly darker Tony, being able to indulge in nasty Quentin without him being quite a villain, the constant shifting of emotions for everyone in the room. Just so much going on in small ways. There are totally at least three more fics set in that universe.

What’s your personal favorite thing you wrote this year?

Tough call, but probably A Perfect Fit. Really, the entire insane little universe that’s expanding into. Definitely not something I would have expected at ALL back in January.

What’s your least favorite thing you wrote this year?

Maybe Can’t, Wont? Idk. I didn’t have a strong enough idea for the prompt to really make something of it, I guess. And writing Peter/Quentin is kind of difficult at the moment. It feels weird because I’ve spent so much time in the world of Gotcha that other takes on the characters are odd.

If you could go back and change something about one of the fics you wrote this year, what would it be?

Probably Want What I Want. I knew what I wanted and I just couldn’t quite make it function. So I went with a slantwise version of it - which isn’t bad, but doesn’t have the focus I wanted it to. It felt like more of a twist on the prompt than I wanted. I’d like to go back and expand it out, dig into the specifics of the prompt a little more.

And tbh, I got a comment on that very point. I’m normally really good about letting go of comments? But it was something I’d questioned myself, so it stuck more.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

(Just) Waiting Around? Maybe? As much as I love top/experienced!Peter, I had to sit down and figure out how I might be able to actually get him there, convince the reader that this was a Peter that current Peter could become.

And any of the Tony/Quentin fics. There’s not a lot given for Quentin in canon; taking those little bits and trying to follow them back to these younger version of Quentin was really interesting and difficult. How do I make this character the softer, more open, more vulnerable, less confident version of himself from 10/15 years ago, and still keep those sharper edges that will grow and take over? How do I make the reader believe both that this version could have existed and that version could actually become the canon one?

Story that was most different from what you usually write:

I mean, Relief? I’ve never written het before (and probably never will again, lol), but I wasn’t going to let the chance to write redwings pass me by.

In general, all the freaking ABO. Which I’d never written before this fandom, though I’ve read tons of it. Not something I really expected to write? And then suddenly I’m not just writing it, I can’t seem to stop.

Sustain felt pretty different, and it took me a moment to figure out why (don’t laugh at me!). I’ve never written straight up non-sexual kink before. Not just a kink scene that doesn’t have sex, but a kink scene that doesn’t even have the intention or desire for sex. Completely removing that additional layer of tension and complications is fascinating. I’m really interested in expanding that verse.

Most unintentionally telling story:

Oh, other than Gotcha, lol? Um. I don’t know if any really are? Maybe Backhand, or Sustain. Hmm, maybe Getting Started, though it’s not finished.

Now I wonder what conclusions those have people drawing.

What’s your favorite piece of description or narration?

Oh my god, what an impossible question. Uh. This is difficult because I… think of images in words? I feel very odd about the bits I picked, Idk.

It’s so small, and I don’t know if I captured it as well as it is in my head, but I come back to it so often:

Stark sits on the bed, and then seems to get lost, or distracted, not moving again until Phil pushes him gently towards the middle of the bed. He gets Stark curled up on his side, just a sliver of his back touching the sheets.

There's a chair against the wall that doesn't look too modern, so hopefully more comfortable than most of the monstrosities around here; Phil has a feeling he's going to be here a while, watching Stark come back up. He stands, about to walk away when there's a soft touch on his hand. He looks down.

Stark's arm is stretched out, his fingers just barely resting on the back of Phil's hand. He's looking up at Phil out of the corner of his eyes, head just barely turned towards him. It's a clear a request as anything spoken; stay.

"I'm not leaving," Phil tells him. "I'm not even leaving the room. I was just going to get a chair.'

There's a breath, a hesitation, Stark's hand not leaving his, and then it's gone, Stark dragging it back in, turning his face into the pillow. That was the wrong response, something about it was just... wrong.

"Stark," Phil says, leaning onto the bed. "Do you want me to stay here? On the bed? I wasn't sure you'd be comfortable with that." After all, this doesn't seem to be at all sexual for him.

Stark doesn't say anything—Phil's not entirely sure if he's nonverbal or not—but he turns his face back towards Phil a little. Doesn't quite look at him, and doesn't make a move; he's not going to ask again, not after what he obviously took as a rejection. His reactions are odd, not much like Phil had expected.

- Sustain

Or:

Beck gets Peter turned around, still kneeling but settled back against Beck's legs, leaning into it. "Toss me his shirt," he says, and Tony throws it at his face, Beck managing to catch it before it connects. Laughs, like this is fucking funny. He slips his hand into Peter's hair and tugs his head back a bit, wiping the come off his face.

"Take five, baby," Beck says, and Peter hums, resting his head on Beck's thigh and staring at Tony. Beck's petting him, hand sliding slowly though Peter's hair, and it's a fucking nightmare that Beck knows what that feels like and Tony doesn't. "You see?" Beck says. "He likes it a little rough. A lot rough, sometimes, so don't worry about hurting him. Don't worry when he cries," and Tony glares at him.

Beck's looking down at Peter, though, and then Tony is too. He's turning red again as Beck talks, but he's not denying anything, and not looking away from Tony.

Beck's hand trails down Peter's neck, hooks around the front and pulls him back; Peter's head tips back, exposing the whole of his throat to Beck's hand. "He's a little embarrassed by it," Beck says, "but he's an awfully sweet submissive too. Aren't you, honey?"

Peter looks up at him, his expression soft, open. "Yes, sir," he says, and Jesus Christ, Tony had no idea how much he wants Peter to say that to him. Peter likes it too, not just giving it lip service judging by the way his cock is getting hard again. Beck smiles.

"I'm going to miss you," he says. "You've been a lot of fun, baby." He looks up, catching Tony's eye, a smirk growing slowly on his face. "Guess I'd better make sure the last time makes up for it."

- 11:59

What’s your favorite piece of dialogue you wrote this year?

I mean, I’m very fond of Hang Up, it’s like 85% dialogue.

Alternatively:

"Looks like you're finally ready to be fucked," Tony says. "Bets on if you'll come on my cock, or if I'll have to give you a reach around with this?" settling the gauntlet on Quentin's hip.

"No," Quentin says, shaking his head as much as he can manage, "no, no, Tony—"

Tony leans in, thighs pushing Quentin's legs apart, the head of his cock bumping up against Quentin's ass. "If you manage it just once without my hand," he whispers, ducking his head and rubbing his beard over Quentin's shoulder, "I'll fund every last thing you ask for."

"No," Quentin moans, because he can't.

"Don't worry, sweetheart," Tony says. "I'll make sure you can."

- Make Sure

Story with the single sexiest moment:

AHHHHHHHHH fuck this is the hardest one.

Secondhand and Gift Wrapped both have some of the hottest moments, I think:

Peter's so hard he can barely think, absolutely can't control the way his dick jumps in Quentin's hand. He doesn't want to hear about this, doesn't want to imagine Tony with Quentin at all. Doesn't want Quentin to stop.

Quentin kicks off his pants and then he's crawling up over Peter, staring down at him with that manic glint in his eyes that Peter knows well enough by now to worry about. "He fucked my face like that," Quentin says, watching him. "Kept babbling that shit and fucked my throat nearly raw. Can't you hear it, honey?" and Peter can, he can.

"Can't you imagine it?" Quentin asks, and Peter can.

- Secondhand

And:

Peter wants— he curls his fingers in Tony's hair and yanks, Tony's head hanging loosely from his hands. He looks wrecked, sweaty and his whole face is dark, his lips wet and red and puffy, all from Peter's cock. When he opens his eyes, it's like he's not even seeing Peter, completely lost in his own little world; he's stiffening slowly, his spine rounding and he tries to brace himself, his eyes going wider and his breath getting shorter and— and is he about to come, Peter wonders. Is he really going to come just like this, from being fucked like this?

He is, he totally fucking is because a moment later Tony stops breathing entirely, his head jerking hard against Peter's hold, his whole body jerking as he comes. He gasps, eyelashes fluttering, and Peter can feel Tony's come landing on his legs, holy shit.

Pepper eases her thrusts, sinking into Tony and just rocking against him while he comes. Waits until he's gone limp, sunk down even more between her hands and Peter's; "Peter," she says. "Get a good grip on him for me. He gets all wiggly afterwards and I'm not done."

- Gift Wrapped

But if it comes down to what is probably my favorite -

Peter had already been pretty out of it when Tony came back, already wound up and just existing, no thoughts and no worries, nothing but want and feeling and response. He’d already been awfully close to flying, and this— this drops him over the edge, completely.

Some part of his head is aware of the way he’s thrusting up into Tony’s mouth, Tony taking it happily, drooling around him; is aware that Peter’s tossing his head back and forth, fighting against Rhodey’s tight grip on his hair, only making it worse with every yank. Is even a little aware that the others must be watching him, watching them, watching just like Rhodey’s looking down at him, Tony looking up, their gaze so heavy on Peter he can feel it, just like he can feel everything, every touch and every texture and every single spot his body is in contact with anything. Can feel everything, too much, overwhelming, amazing, and he doesn’t know if it’s that, or the pain of Rhodey’s grasp, or the wave crashing down on him as he comes that have him crying. Maybe it’s all of them, or maybe it’s just that he’s wanted like this, kept and held and wanted.

Rhodey kisses him, gently, and Tony crawls up over him; kisses Rhodey and kisses Peter and Peter could stay just like this forever. He can see Tony’s mouth moving, talking to him, then Rhodey, then him again, but his head is full of nothing but static, white noise.

- Flaunt

(So, uh, what does it say that all of those are threesomes?)

Stories I haven't yet written, but intend to:

SO MANY. Beyond the fics I’ve got going for other people and Gotcha, and the (hopefully) one off continuations of kinktober fics, I really want to focus on -

The rest of Deep End (I know it all exactly!)

The sad AI Peter/Tony, real!Peter/Tony

Branches of Aegis

ONE of my longer ABO pieces.

Fluffuary & Kinktober, again.

Fingers crossed. I don’t even want to think about how many more ideas will come creeping in.

#end of year #unsettled rambles #starker #spiderio #quentony

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larriefails · 5 years

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Idk how to link but please have a go at BPH2 latest post. Why is she doing this online, when what it seems like what she really needs is a shrink?!

Holy shit, she’s lost it

------

How do you even explain to someone this unhinged that “the fandom” didn’t do anything to them, that they did this to themselves? That they never pointed out “facts” what they did was create their alternate reality? How do you explain to them that this alternate reality is falling by its own weight and that’s why she feels insular, isolated, combative, and angry?

Kati, you’re never gonna read this because YOU isolate yourself, you put yourself in a bubble of your own delusions and refuse to listen to reason, but on the off chance you do:

You’ve wasted seven years of your life. It’s harsh and it’s ugly and you’ll probably regret it forever, but that’s the truth and accepting it is the only thing that might save you from yourself. None of these facts (not “facts”) are ugly, you just dislike them because you’ve spent most of your time in the past S E V E N years denying them, looking for reasons for them to be ugly. Harry and Louis have suffered family tragedies like we all have, the boy band you stanned decided to break up, their friendship doesn’t exist anymore. Those are the only bitter pills you’d have to swallow if you lived in reality

Louis has a child he loves, a girlfriend he adores who’s with him through thick and thin. He managed to survive terrible loss and pick himself up and continue not once but twice. He’s a good person who’s doing his best, with his mistakes and his flaws, that you so carefully highlight over and over to tell yourself his reality isn’t real. He’s living his best life, embracing his origins and making them his identity. He has an amazing support system and was doing amazing with his new single until tragedy hit. He has support from his label and is getting to do what he wants to do musically. BE HAPPY FOR HIM

Harry is living without giving any fucks. He’s being his true self, embracing every part of himself, and being universally loved. He’s regarded by everyone as the kindest, loveliest, most down to earth guy, and he’s forging his own way in an industry that’s standardized. He didn’t want to be in 1D, and that might hurt you, but that’s not a personal offense and it doesn’t mean he hated it. He’s constantly happy with a huge smile on his face and brightening people’s days. He still has the same friends as always, and his family couldn’t be more supportive. BE HAPPY FOR HIM

What on earth is ugly about any of this? Why are you suffering? Why are you putting yourself through all this? Take Larry out of the equation and look at the situation and tell me, again, what is so terrible? It looks, from outside, like you’re choosing to be miserable

No, you’re not important to the fandom, and that’s the crux of it. You should’ve never been. You did nothing good or valuable. Your time was wasted. You actually hurt both Harry and Louis (and all their friends and family) and that sucks, Kati. You’ll never be able to undo the damage you created. What you can do is stop now. You can realize you were wrong, turn a page, and start doing right

But you won’t, out of stubbornness or fear or simply knowing you’re in too deep to get out, you’ll take tinhatting to your grave. But things won’t get “better”, Larries will continue to drop by flies all around you, the band won’t get back together, Larry will never come out, babygate will never end, Louis will continue to be straight, Harry will not turn around and say “actually all my relationships were fake and I do label myself. I’m gay.”

None of this will happen and you’ll get more and more and more and more miserable as time goes on. But it’s a choice YOU are making, the fandom, 1DHQ, Harry, Louis, none of them did anything to you

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jencala · 5 years

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Ok I gotta ask this. Do you honestly believe that majority of Wolfstar shippers see the bad and toxic parts of their relationship? I'm asking because you (and others) say that people can like something as long as they acknowledge the possible unhealthy sides of it.. And honestly when I go on tumblr about 80% of wolfstar blogs don't really like to acknowledge anything toxic about them. I know you and some others acknowledge it, but the rest? Idk. Doesn't feel like it.

This is a great question and sorry I didn’t get to it right away, but bad brain days don’t let me think too clearly so I wanted to make sure I could answer properly. Now remember, this is my opinion and I could be completely wrong, but this is just how I see it and what I’ve come to believe over the years.

I think that the majority of Wolfstar fans do see the toxic parts of the relationship and just choose to ignore it. Why? Because fandom is an escape and we want to just concentrate on the good parts because our boys were dealt such a shit hand in canon. I think that’s honestly a fair and valid way to ship them as well.

In Wolfstar in particular we have a lot of things that can be considered toxic or “bad”. A big one for me is “The Prank” which we know so little about and we can choose to see as something that none of the Marauders took seriously afterwards or as something pivotal that showed Sirius’ flaws of impulsiveness, recklessness, and selfishness. No matter which take you have on it, it’s valid because it’s your personal take on it since we have almost zero canon on the aftermath of it. My own view on it is that it was a very serious thing that planted the seed of distrust in Remus towards Sirius and that Peter later exploited during the war. Again, that’s my view and it’s perfectly fine if others don’t agree.

There’s so much that is potentially toxic with Sirius and Remus and it’s great for plots in fanfic, but so many of us have tumultuous real lives that when it comes to fandom we’d rather just ignore it and focus on the good and frankly, the fluff and positive things about our favorite pairing. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and honestly, as long as you realize the potential for the toxicity in canon, it’s healthy to focus on nothing but the positive for escapism.

I write and read mostly AU’s and alternate canon because I use fandom as an escape and though I know canonically Sirius was a selfish, impulsive, asshole in many ways he also was extremely loving, protective, and powerful. Remus was reckless, a bit self-centered, and very self-deprecating, but he was also generous, brilliant, and caring. I recognize the faults, yet focus on the positive because that makes me happy. I spin their character flaws into positives because it’s what I enjoy yet I know those flaws exist. Doesn’t make me love the characters or pairing any less.

It’s always what I say about Snape lovers too. If you’ve followed my blog for any amount of time you know how much I despise Snape though he was a brilliant character. I have several friends who absolutely love Snape, but still acknowledge how horrible he was and just choose to ignore it so they can ship him how they want. That’s perfectly fine in my book though others may see it differently. Acknowledging flaws and yet ignoring them to enjoy the character is fine and a great escapism. Denying there are any issues because you love the character or pairing is just...well, wrong. It’s alright to love things that aren’t perfect because nothing is perfect.

Now I do believe that there are many fans who don’t see the potential for toxicity because their age and life experience doesn’t let them actually realize it. There’s nothing wrong with that either. Our opinions and viewpoints change as we get older and experience more and we can more easily recognize flaws we would have had no way of seeing before we had that life experience. It’s perfectly normal. I relate to Sirius an absurd amount because I’m also reckless, self-centered, impulsive, loud, brash, ridiculously clingy with those I care about, and have lived through abusive relationships and toxic family. Would I have realized these faults in myself at 15, 18, or even 21? No, I definitely didn’t. But life has made me see these things in myself and try to correct them. Even knowing these faults I have I still love myself because I see the positive about myself as well.

It’s the same with fandom itself. The longer you’re in it the more you learn and see and whether or not you acknowledge the bad parts, it’s still perfectly alright to enjoy the parts you love. ;-)

Sorry for the long-winded answer, but this is a topic I really feel strongly about. lol I hope I answered your question and thanks for the ask, love! 💚

#I ramble and can't help it #yet another flaw #lol #Wolfstar #it can definitely be toxic #but I still love it an obscene amount #Anonymous

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horansqueen · 6 years

Note

can you do a smut where niall and y/n are in a hotel the night before jingle ball? ni sees y/n in a cute VS pink silk robe with a bra and undies under after he works out from the gym and immediately gets turned on bc he didnt expect it?

I MIXED THESE 2 BLURB REQUESTS!!!!

okayyyy 3k. yep i went there. smut. idk if its too smutty tbh it never is too much for me so you tell me. the ending is meh (its almost 6 am and i wake up at 10am so im tired) and im sorry because i didnt proofread (when do i ever?). i didnt write it in “you” i wrote it in “i”… i hope it doesnt bother anyone. I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!!

I picked the bag from under the bed and took the silk light pink robe out of it, along with the panties and bra that matched. They were silk too and a nice mix of pink and black. I had fallen in love with this kit when I went to Victoria’s Secret in the afternoon and for some reason, I’ve let myself be persuaded that it was a good idea, but I would only be sure of it when I’d see my boyfriend’s reaction.

I quickly took the price tags off and stared at my purchase, laying on the hotel bed. I sighed low and nibbled on my bottom lip, feeling suddenly self-conscious. It didn’t look too bad at the store, but now that I stood naked in front of it, I had doubts.

I breathed in and glanced at the pillow before moving it and grabbing the handcuffs hiding under it. I had found it in Niall’s bag while I was searching for one of his shirts to wear and I was not sure what to think about it. We had discussed it a few times but I had no idea he actually went and bought them. If I was honest with myself, I was a bit annoyed that he didn’t ask me to go with him but I had thought about how he could ask me for forgiveness and that simple thought made me smile.

I was gonna do it. I grabbed the bra and put it on before doing the same with my panties and finally finished my outfit with the robe. It was semi-transparent and there was no way he wouldn’t notice it when he’d walk in.

I didn’t have to wait for too long, I heard the door open while I was still in the bathroom and when it finally closed, I stepped foot inside the room.

“Hey baby, it’s me!”

I watched him as he let his bag fall on the floor and ran his big hand through his damp hair. I held my breath at how good he always looked when he came back from working out, breathless and sweaty. Every single time, I wanted him to touch me. He grabbed the collar of his shirt and took it off, making me let out a short whimper that he probably didn’t even hear. The fabric slid against his sweaty chest and back and my heart fluttered at the sight.

“Missed me?” he asked, making me tilt my head slightly.

He had not looked at me yet and it suddenly made me nervous. Did I look ridiculous in this lingerie? Maybe it wouldn’t turn him on at all? I shook my head slightly to push these thoughts away. There was no reason for Niall not to like it.

“I did, in fact, miss you.”

He chuckled and his eyes finally met mine before traveling down my body. His smile fell and I held my breath, the only thing I could hear being my own heart beating hard against my rib cage.

“You…”

His lips parted and closed a few times and he finally breathed in deeply.

“Fuck.”

I watched his hand travel down to his shorts as he adjusted himself, his eyes still glued on me. The way he looked at me made me swallow hard but I felt better immediately.

“Why did you… How did you…” he stuttered. “I mean… fuck.”

I took a few step closer and nibbled on my bottom lip, still looking at him. He remained motionless, his eyes still roaming on me.

“I found something in your bag.” I just said, ignoring his incomplete questions. "We’re gonna have to use them.“

Tilting my head slightly, I pulled the hand i was hiding behind me to show him the handcuffs. His eyes moves from me to them and then back in my eyes.

“That night we discussed it… really made me want to try it.” he admitted with a sigh.

I nodded a bit, staring at them, and finally looked back in his eyes with a smile. His eyebrows raised and my grin got wider.

“We can try them.” I finally gave him, watching his lips curl. “But I think they’d look so much better on you.”

His breath caught in his throat and he coughed, almost choking. It made me laugh and slowly, I brought my hand to his sweaty chest and slid it down until his shorts.

“You love when I use you, don’t you?”

He looked down at me, motionless, as I kept playing with the hem of his shorts, a smirk now spread on my lips. He wouldn’t deny it, I knew it made him hard and the memories made me horny.

“I do.” he breathed out, just giving in to my proposition. “When you’re wearing this you can ask me anything.”

I chuckled but my smile fell when his hands moved to my waist. I took a step back and shook my head, making him frown. I took a few steps back until the bed and motioned for him to join me. He cleared his throat but I didn’t have to ask him twice. He sat down on the bed, right in the middle of it, and he let me handcuff him, twisting the cuffs around the pole of the bed.

“Comfortable?”

He was half laying and half sitting, leaning against the pillows, and i stared at him for a few seconds. He looked vulnerable and it made my heart skip a beat. It was the hottest thing I had seen in a while and i wanted to engrave this sight in my mind for says where he’d be in an other country.

Slowly, I got on the bed too and straddled him, staying on my knees. He stared at me as i took my robe off and let it fall next to the bed and his eyes traveled slowly to my bra and down to my panties.

“Fuck, petal, you’re killing me.”

I bit my bottom lip trying to hide the smile that lighted my face and he squirmed lightly under me. I let one of my fingers slide between my breasts and down my stomach, stopping between my legs and let my hand rub gently over my panties. His eyes never left my hand as it finally slipped inside.

“I wanna see how wet ya are.”

“Soon, but not now.”

I played with myself a few more seconds, feeling myself wet my own fingers. I could feel my whole body throb and slowly, i moved myself down on him, rubbing myself a few time over his clothed cock. Despite my panties and his shorts separating us, i felt his half erected cock press on my clit and let a very low whimper escape my lips.

I looked up quickly when I heard the sound of the handcuffs against the metal pole as he pulled on his wrists before to curse low.

“Baby, don’t do that, you’re gonna hurt yourself.”

I bent down again, bringing my face closer to his and brushed my lips against his.

“This is gonna be long and painful.” I just whispered before to bring two of my fingers to his mouth, spreading my wetness on his bottom lip.

I smiled more when i saw his tongue slip on his lip, gathering my juice and bringing it back in his mouth to taste me.

“You want more?”

I didn’t wait for his answer and moved back on my knees, rubbing myself harder over my panties. I let my other hand run to my breasts, grabbing them over my bra as the fabric of my panties rubbed nicely on my clit. I moved my hips in motion with my hand and closed my eyes, hearing him curse low as I dripped more, soaking my panties quicker than I thought I would.

“Fuck baby now I can see how wet ya are.”

I didn’t have to look to know that my wetness had crossed the fabric of my panties, a darker spot now visible between my legs.

“I fucking want to touch you.”

I chuckled and shook my head again before to lick my lips.

“No.” Slowly I got up on the bed and moved up closer to his face. “I said I wanted to use you, remember?”

I didn’t have to explain anything to him. He looked up at me and i noticed the left corner of his lips move up before he nodded. I bent slightly, holding the pole of the bed with one hand while i maintained myself on the wall with the other. I felt his tongue over my panties, pressing gently on my clit, and my lips parted. I let him work on me for a few minutes, enjoying the feeling of my panties rubbing against me again but after a while, I got more greedy. I let go of the wall to bring my hand between my legs, pushing my panties aside. I heard Niall groan low beneath me and pushed myself down even more, feeling his lips crush against my pussy.

His tongue slid on my folds to part them more before slipping in my pussy. My eyes fluttered close and i felt my knees getting weak as his tongue ran back up to reach my clit. He started sucking on it softly and I couldn’t stop the moan that came out of my lips.

“Oh god, Niall, make me cum.”

I ground my hips on his mouth, slowly at first and then harder as he alternated between licking and sucking me until an orgasm hit me. I closed my eyes tight as my fingers tightened around the pole and my body shook over his face. He sucked harder as i came on his lips and waited until my heartbeats went back almost to normal to move back down on my knees.

“Your mouth is amazing.” I whispered, my face very close to his.

I noticed a trace of my orgasm running down his chin and brought my tongue closer, collecting it before to kiss him deeply. He moaned low in my mouth and it made a shiver cross my body. I sat on him and rubbing myself hard against his now hard dick before to move back.

“These really need to go.” I said, looking at his shorts.

He grabbed the pole with both hands and got to help me take them off by move his ass up a bit and I decided to do the same with my panties, leaving them next to him on the pillow.

“Just in case you want to see what exactly you did to me.” I chuckled, making him smile.

“Oh I saw darling, I was VIP.”

This time, I laughed as I straddled one of his thighs, glancing down at his hard cock and trying to resist the urge to ride it now.

“Do you want me to take my bra off?”

“Fuck yes baby.”

“And how bad do you want me to ride your thigh?”

“More than fucking anything.”

I reached my back to unclasp my bra and push it away. We were both completely naked and I slipped one of my hands between my legs again to see how wet I was. I spread the mix of my orgasm and his spit more on my pussy before to press it down on his thigh.

“I love your thighs.” I admitted low. “So much.”

Slowly and gently, I started moving, feeling my folds part and my clit brush against his skin. I started going harder, holding myself on his still sweaty chest with one hand as the other grabbed one of my breasts hard.

“Fuck kitten, I wish i could slap those pretty tits of yours.”

I heard the handcuffs against the metal pole again and i glanced at his wrists as I rode his thigh roughly and fast, bringing myself closer to an other orgasm. I stopped myself and moved up on my knees, running my whole hand on my pussy and twitching at the feeling.

“I’m so fucking close already.”

“Do it baby.” he almost begged. “Ride my thigh again and cum on me.”

My eyes found his and I could see how painful it was for him to watch all this without being able to do anything about it, not even touch his own self. I looked at his throbbing cock and held my breath at the sight of a drop of precum on the tip of it. Without thinking, I sat back on his thigh but bent quickly on my side, grabbing his cock and running my tongue on his tip. He groaned louder and his thigh moved up a bit, pressing more against my inner thighs.

“Come on, Y/N, cum on my thigh.”

I kept my hand wrapped around his dick but started rubbing myself again on his thigh. I knew it was a matter of seconds before I soaked him and i closed my eyes, focusing on the amazing feeling of my clit on his skin.

“Oh my… fuck!”

My hand tightened around his cock and he hissed low as i shook over him, my other hand gripping the sheet next to me.

“I love watching you cum.”

My opened opened and I nibbled on my bottom lip before to move away and look at his now wet thigh.

“I think you deserve some sort of pleasure too, now.”

Still on my knees, i moved further on the bed to get between his legs and grabbed his dick with both hands, stroking it slowly. He looked at my face then at my hands and I finally brought my mouth back to his tip, sucking it between my lips. His hips jerked and i felt an inch of his cock slide in my mouth as he groaned louder.

“Please baby don’t stop.”

I took him deeper, until I felt the tip hit the back of my throat and he ground up again, making me choke slightly. The sound of him begging me to suck him made my heart skip a beat and my pussy throb again. I let my tongue run down his length, reaching his balls and taking one in my mouth, sucking on it gently as one of my hands was still tightly wrapped around the base of his dick. I slipped my tongue to his other ball and did the same, hearing him whisper a few curse words.

“If i could i’d push your head down on my cock again, petal.” he confessed. “Your throat feels amazing.”

With a chuckle, I took him deep again and watched his head fall back and his eyes close.

“Yes just like that.” he let out in a husky voice. “Fuck.”

I took his dick out to catch my breath after a few seconds and ran my lips on his length again, sucking gently before moving his foreskin even more and running my tongue under his glans, making him twitch again.

“Oh god, love, you have no idea how good that feels.” he groaned, opening his eyes to look at me. “I fucking want to cum.”

At these words, i moved away gently and he whined low in protest. I straddled it again and waited a few seconds to make him edge. I finally grabbing his dick and rubbed his tip on my clit a few times, making me realize I was still horny. I sat on his cock and it slipped easily inside me.

“Shit, i’ve been waiting for that.”

And I had too. Feeling his hard cock throb inside me was incredible and I took a few seconds to enjoy how perfectly he filled me.

“Baby please untie me.”

I sent him a smile but shook my head, putting my hands on his chest. I started riding him, both my arms pressing on my breasts and squeezing them as i felt his cock slither in and out of me. The sound of my wetness and out skin slapping together made me shiver and I started moaning louder. I rocked my hips around and he groaned, letting his head fall back slightly. I felt him shake beneath me and i knew he was cumming. The thought made me whimper and the sight of him reaching his orgasm brought me closer to mine. My hand flew between my legs and I rubbed my clit as i kept moving over him, riding his orgasm and getting a third one myself.

“Oh Niall fuck!”

This time, it made my whole body throb and i quivered for a few seconds. I bit my lip hard until it started hurting and panted low, trying to catch my breath.

“Oh my god…”

We remained in silence for a few seconds until i finally opened my eyes and noticed he was staring at me.

“Move up, baby.” he asked softly. “Let me see.”

With a smirk, I moved up and looked down as his cum dripped down from my pussy to his lower stomach. I dipped a finger in it and brought it to my mouth, sucking on it.

“Clean me baby yea?”

With a small nod, i bent down and felt one of my nipples brush against his cum, making me shiver slightly. I stuck my tongue out and ran it on his stomach to lick his orgasm.

“Fuck you look hot.”

We stared at each other for a while as i tasted him and with a sigh of well-being, I moved off of him and reached for his wrists, untying him. He brought his hands back to him and rubbed his wrists as i tilted my head.

“Did it hurt?” I asked, slightly worried.

“No it’s okay, I just really wanted to touch you.” he chuckled, sending me a smile.

“Well, those handcuffs were an amazing purchase, Nee.” I said, half-joking, letting out a short laugh.

“And the lingerie was an even better one, darling.”

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan blurb #niall horan oneshot #niall horan writing #blurb #my fanfics #if you read and like and reblog ilysm #anonymous

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amidalogicdive · 6 years

Text

I was tagged by @geekgoddess813 who was interested in hearing what I would say lol. IDK why, I'm such a pleb asdfghjkl XD hahaha! But, I did it for you!

Instructions:

To celebrate a year of FFXV and the end of the first year of updates, let’s spread the FFXV love! I haven’t seen a tag meme like this for FFXV yet, so I decided to make one. If you see this and want to, copy/paste this list and share what your favorite things about FFXV are.

Favorite Chocobro:

Oh, my god, this isn’t fair, so I can’t say Nyx?! Lol, ok no seriously. If Noctis counts, he’s my favorite. If it has to be one of the other three, it would be Ignis. I’ve always loved Ignis and (fun fact) before I was a huge NyxNoct shipper, I was an Ignoct shipper. If ya look back I have a few Ignoct fics...that I still need to finish. >.<

Favorite Guest Party Member (including Ravus and Libertus from DLC):

Oh damn, this is hard. This is really hard, I’ve deleted my response like three times cuz I keep on going ‘oh but what about…’ Ugh, do I have to pick, can I plead the fifth? Ugh fine…

Ravus - Because I loved getting more backstory on him. This poor boy was so wronged, and while he did come off as an ass, everything he was doing was for Luna.

Aranea - Girl got some sass and I love it, she was fun to listen too and I’m glad she was tossed into a DLC as a guest party member. We needed more Aranea in FFXV

Cor - Damn son, I love this man here. I need to know more, I want more backstory. Seriously, he got the respect of Gilgamesh!! GILGAMESH TALKS ABOUT THIS LITTLE IMMORTAL LION! *flails*

Yeah, I couldn’t pick :P

Favorite Minor Character(s):

Can I pick two? CAN I?! Biggs and Wedge - Ok ok, they weren’t in it a lot but I loved them. They were funny and their loyalty to Aranea was just, ugh. I really liked them and I wanted more of their back and forth, especially with Aranea lol. When she asked them to drive a train into a daemon-infested city - which was basically a suicide mission for all they knew and they are just like, oh that's all? Yes boys, yes!

Favorite Villain:

This is so easy, frikin Ardyn ‘Trash Jesus’ Izunia. What, you didn’t hear me, let me repeat: ARDYN ‘TRASH JESUS’ IZUNIA. Ok, let me explain something here. This boy, this BOY WAS SO WRONGED. He did everything that was asked of him, and what happens? He gets fucked over by his brother, the crystal changes his mind and the gods - not only do they turn against him, but they won’t even let him pass on into the afterlife. Dragonbutt needs to get some balls, but damn son, you did nothing! You caused this problem to happen!

This man had 2000 years of suffering, hatred, and betrayal built up inside of him and he went off the deep end. Like he said, it wasn’t even about Noctis. He was just the poor sap that was born to be the King of Light. This was revenge against a crystal that denied him and the gods that turned their back on him. And you can see it, you can see he’s still hurting, you can see there is a good man that’s been tainted by thousands of years of torment. When he tells his story to Noct, you can see the pain, and when Noct beats him, you can see that he thinks Noct’s going to do the same thing the Gods, Crystal and his brother did. Erase him. I love this trashy man, and I can’t wait for this DLC.

Favorite Kingsglaive Character:

No Surprise: Nyx. Do I really need to explain why? He’s an amazing, cocksure, humble, hurting little ball of fire that fights like the daemons and just makes my heart do weird things in my chest. This man is so frikin badass, even the Kings had to bow down to him and let him take charge. This dry sense of humor and self-sacrificing nature is just asdfghjkl and though all of it he never forgot who he was and what he was fighting for. Like he said, his life means nothing but giving a future to those who wanna see it is everything. Oh, baby, your life is everything, and he deserved better, damn it.

And don’t even get me talking about the fact that three, THREE frikin people put on that ring (four of you count Luche, but eh…) and all three asked the Kings for their strength and two of them for sure (Nyx and Ignis) offered to sacrifice their life and only NYX FRIKIN DIED.

No, don’t get me started - cuz we are talking more salt then the dead sea here… >.<

Favorite Astral/Divine Being:

Funny thing, I have always loved Shiva since like FFVIII. She’s my Queen, I bow down to her… but before I realized that Gentiana was Shiva, I was in love with Gentiana. When I saw her in clips before the game came out I was thinking: Woman I don’t know who you are, or what your role is, but please I love you. Her being Shiva, my Queen, my everything… that just made it even better. Lol, so obviously - Shiva.

Favorite Character Overall:

Noctis. He is a very self-sacrificing and strong character who goes through a lot and honestly, finds his courage and self-worth. I think he had a lot of issues before, I think he was depressed and didn’t feel like he was right for the throne, and he was just playing a part. Once he was out there, once he realized what had happened and that he was now King, things changed. He because braver, and stronger. He started putting his trust in others as much as they put their trust in him. He realized that he didn’t have to do things and save people for the recognition, just doing was enough. You can see the impact that it had in comrades, where people (just random NPCs) talk about a boy or four boys in black who saved them, or helped fix their car or did some random act for them and how much it meant. He goes from a kinda sheltered boy to a King who knows what sacrifice is. I love his change, and how he keeps going. Like he told Iggy, they can’t stop, they have to keep going or everyone who sacrificed their lives for him, it would be pointless.

Noct is a good boy. :3

Favorite Weapon:

Nyx kukri that you get in Insomnia, oh don’t act like you’re surprised lol. Noctis always has them on him and I use them a lot.

Favorite Location:

Omg, so many people are gonna disagree and be like: What?! *flails* - I like Altissia lol. It was confusing at first, but now I know my way around pretty well, and I love the 3x exp from the hotel. >.>

And I love the arena and gambling lol, and that was the first time I head the whole “this place is so romantic” “And you're here with us, all three of us, you are a lucky man” and about died. Lol

Favourite Quest/Questline/Hunt:

The fishing questline. Hush, don’t laugh at me… I honestly really love fishing in this game and I loved the fishing questline with Navyth.

Favorite Boss:

Ardyn, lol. He’s such a shit and I love to listen to him shit talk Noctis as they fight. Ifrit was a good fight too, so kudos to that fiery SOB. lol

Favorite Monster/Monster Family/etc:

Tonberry, I’ve always loved Tonberry with their cute little lanterns and their stabby frikin knifes. They are small, cute and ruthless. It's like that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail “Aww it's just a little Bunny Rabbit…. RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!” Yeah, Tonberry! :D

Oh, and Coeurls. Just cuz I like cats and much respect for something that can one-shot me with lightning from its whiskers lol.

Favorite Song:

Please like I can pick just one… So like here are my top whatever:

Nox Aeterna: So short but so much emotion. Nox Divina: Badass summoning music, yes, please! Noctis: It was not what I was expecting, and it was a very pleasant surprise! Prayer De Luna: This is just asdfghjkl she’s got a beautiful theme and ya gotta respect it. Dewdrops at Dawn: So beautiful, simple and just all the feels. Just makes me think of the people seeing the sunrise after such a long time, or for the first time for some… and realizing what Noct gave up for them. Somnus: The original, the beauty that it is. This song is a godsend, I love it and I love her voice.

Favorite Boss Theme:

Does Somnus Ultima count? I mean its basically the second part of the... fight? Damn, I love that song! Ok if not, Magna Insomnia is epic, and love it. Also, Hellfire, damn that opening (the first like 18 seconds) sounds so ominous like wtf did I get myself into here lol.

But honestly, all around this soundtrack and all of the music is epic - honestly, there is no song I hate, except maybe Stand By Me - but only because it makes me FEEL THINGS PPL SJHAFKLHSJ!! Just kidding I love it too. ;-;

Favorite Non-Episode DLC/Update/Event:

Assassin’s Festival was awesome and I want them to put the whole roof thing into Lestallum full time so we can run up there and have fun lol. Think of all the NPC’s and shit they could put up there and quests they could add. Yes, please lol.

Favorite Episode DLC:

Ugh, ok. It’s a toss-up.

I love Episode Ignis because it adds so much to the story and the alternate endings, yes, please. I love that SE made the end of this game so transparent and said that the ending of the main game was simply an Alternate Reality, something that could have happened. Now they start tossing in all these other endings and you realize that one choice, one thing did differently could have changed the whole outcome of the game asdfghjkl. I know some don’t like it, but like Episode Ignis said: Possibilities. And I love those possibilities.

That said - Episode Prompto, and him finally finding out who he was, dealing with it and coming to terms with it. Finally having the courage to tell his friends, look this is what I am. Not only to see them accept him but for him to accept himself… it was great!

Other Favorites of Note:

I love:

flying the Regalia, except when I crash and kill them all.

hitting the breaks when Noctis is sitting on the trunk and seeing him getting all pissed off.

the fishing and I need to catch them all.

the shit talking they do while fighting

the new character switch during battle and the geeky things they do and say.

just driving around and listening to the soundtracks.

the pics that Prompto takes.

Idk, there is so much to list. I mean is it a perfect game? No. But do I love it and do I enjoy playing it? 100% Yes.

Anyway, I sometimes like all the plot holes that they leave all over the place. Perfect for me to build a fic around and let my own imagination inspire me. I haven’t loved a Final Fantasy game like this in a long time, and I'm glad that I do. It made me meet some really nice people and fall into a perfect little life raft of feels that makes up the NyxNoct fandom!

So, let's see what y’all gotta say now. I tag (and you don’t have to do it lol especially if you already did!): @prettyprompto @aithilin @courtingdestruction @grimmvertigo @jazzraft @midnightpyres @rsasai @argent-the-moderately-useful @ghostl0rd @ignoctgirl @cardigan-carm @glaivenoct @nicolareed @nicrt @stylishchocobutt @bezier-curve

#thanks for the tag!#look I tag ppl too #logicdive rambles #yay I finished it #this was fun lol #ffxv #ffxv talk

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i-amusemyself · 6 years

Note

.!.ALL RAINY DAY AESTHETICS.!.

Ahhh its my fave anon!!!! Thankies!!

the outdoors

overcast: do you think you’re an overachiever? what do you your friends think?

Tbh I can’t deny it. At academia at least, I defo do better than the average. It’s nbd though.clouds: is there anything someone has ever said to instantly make you sad?

Oh boy so many fucking things where to even start. Every comment ever that just confirms what my anxiety and self hatred says to me. Also people saying things that show you they obviously don’t trust you or whatever. It’s hard to explain some of them tbh. But yeah, it happens a lot where even just a single word can make my heart sink.gray skies: what calms you down?

Okay I have some very unhealthy coping mechanisms and they do. But also talking to my friends, scrolling mindlessly through tumblr and listening to music too.thunderstorm: how do you prefer to resolve tension in your life?

Get that shit out in the open bc lifes too short. I’d rather have to start the uncomfortable conversation and just get it over with than just live with a fuckton of tension.wind chill: what makes you feel cold inside?

I mean, the weather! Besides that idk, I’m not really sure how to interpret this? If it means like, emotionless and even indifferent to the pain of others, then I’d say thinking too much about the shit the human race does and the general injustice of life.

droplets: to you, is physical closeness more or less important than frequent communication?

I mean, I crave physical closeness but to me frequent communication usually keeps my anxiety at bay and makes me really happy in general tbh, so I’d say that’s more important to me.

puddle: what is your emotional outlet? why?

My personal blog. It’s literal life saver some days since I can say everything I want and not feel bad for dumping it on anyone.

morning fog: do you prefer waking up early or sleeping in? I prefer the longer days that come with waking up early but as someone that can’t remember the last time they had 8 hours sleep, I’d say I prefer sleeping in!

drizzle: what is something you would like to know more about / explore?

Omg everything!!!!! I just love information lmao. I’m particularly interested in diseases and psychology and conspiracy theories but seriously I love to hear what everything has to say about anything

the indoors

fairy lights: what makes your eyes light up?

Just little things like messages from friends or even just getting tagged in shitty memes lmao. I just like it when people remember I exist. Anything bigger than that is a bonus.

coffee shop: where is your favorite place to be?

I don’t know anymore. I honestly don’t. I had a favourite place near home, but it was out of a list of very limited places. There’s not really any place I can go and feel at peace or anything anymore. I mean, there are places I’ve visited that I want to go back to, like brugge or amsterdam, but idk its not the same.

windowpane: what music do you listen to the most?

It varies so much depending on my mood from chill indie or alternative stuff to cheesy pop to what is essentially people just screaming.teabag: do you prefer tea or coffee? how do you take it?

I can’t remember it’s been so long since I had either lmaocandlelight: what is your favorite scent? why?

Petrol and car fumes lmfao. It’s just a smell I grew up with tbh bc I spent so much time at car shows and race tracks etc.

throw pillows: what is your favorite type of relationship? do you have one like that?

Hoo boi, the kind I don’t have lmfao go figure

cozy: have you ever been in love? describe the feeling.

I haven’t honestly even dated much, but I do love so deeply I surprise myself so who knows lmao. Wouldn’t say I know the feeling well enough to describe it though.

bustle: do you enjoy being busy? why or why not?

If I’m busy doing things I love with no deadlines then sure, I’m a big fan. But if I’m busy out of necessity I really hate it and get low key stressed.

succulents: do you like taking care or things, people, and animals? which one do you enjoy the most/least? why?

Sure! It can be rewarding and I’m almost always happy to do it! Though I mean I don’t know, I find animals easier to take care of, I never really know what to do with people. But I don’t prefer one or the other, theyre just different.

chatter: what are your favorite things to talk about? with whom? why?

I love to talk about deep shit tbh, miss me with that small talk. Tell me about your life and your childhood and your dreams and space and life and death. I love that shit.

your body

baggy sweater: what keeps you warm?

Absolutely nothing lmao

daze: do you meditate? why or why not?

Nope, I haven’t got time for any of that

damp: do you cry often? what makes you cry?

I low key tear up at tv shows and films all the time lmao, but actually crying doesn’t happen much. Sometimes I feel like I need to but I’ve forgotten how to.

umbrella: what makes you feel safe?

Knowing I could kick the shit out of someone if they tried anything lmfaoooo! Nah idk tbh, I rarely feel very safe I’m just used to it now.

gleam: what makes you feel the best about yourself?

The only thing I have that I ever do right is doing well academically so ig that

yawn: who takes care of you when you’re sick? who do you take care of when they’re sick?

I take care of myself lmao I aint gonna go complaining. Though a few of my close friends are very good to me when my depression acts up. And I’ll take care of anyone that asks for or I can see needs help.

hum: besides music, what is your favorite sound?

I love thunderstorms so much!!! Also the lil pap pap pap when a pet is coming to greet you.

brush: do you enjoy having your hair played with? what about massages?

Hell yes and hell yes.

fuzzy socks: do you prefer warm or cold weather? why?

Warm weather by a mile!! I’m not built for the cold and I probably won’t feel warm enough again till May.

gloves: do you like working with your hands? why/how?

Yeah defo, I’m that one annoying person who always has to be fiddling with something (that sounds so wrong lmao). Idk why, I just,,, I like to do it, it helps me concentrate and I like building up a picture of things without even looking at them

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fuck-customers · 7 years

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scandal: sex and cliques part II

so a while back i posted on here (this post: http://fuck-customers.tumblr.com/post/159274796207/scandal-cliques-and-sex) about the “sex scandal” at my work.

i now have an update! again, it’s long - it’s really hard to simplify it.

first of all, it turns out nobody reported them but becky was offered a senior supervisor position at a new store thats opening in june nearer to where she lives. its in a bigger and more reputable store, and its one of three stores in the country that offer this senior supervisor role. she declines this promotion (hmmm i wonder why) and one of our supervisors (lets call her jane as she becomes relevant later one) takes it instead.

however, someone did report our boss for being lazy at work and he had a visit from our area manager who is a total hardass and yelled at him in the office (i wasn’t in but apparently, according to other staff it was loud). he gets disciplined.

our assistant manager takes charge and makes some changes. she’s a nice lady - but pretty firm, she doesn’t take any shit. she sits down with becky when our boss isn’t in and asks her “informally” talks to her about the group chat she has with the girls and also how her and our boss speak outside of work. im not sure how it goes but becky gets all defensive and blames emily for it all and her and emily have this HUGE argument in the stockroom on a closing shift…

im not sure what happened but by the end of the week they’ve spoke it over and they’re “friends” again and they’ve both decided to “leave group chats behind”. this is kinda good… it diffuses the clique. the girl i work with who goes to my uni tells me as we meet up for lunch (again) that none of the group of girls really speak to her anymore unless they’re in work, they stop arranging dinner dates and nights outs… its all a bit weird because they all claimed to be the best of friends but hey ho i guess they werent really close. however, this doesn’t really stop the passive bullying of the younger girl member of staff but thats a completely different and off topic story.

my manager becomes even more reserved at work - our assistant manager basically told us we couldn’t really speak about the whole becky/boss fucking thing anymore which is fair enough because it started creating a lot of hostility and tension… however, becky and him are still as close as ever - although our assistant manager was pretty good at separating them - giving becky different tasks, offering to take more on for my boss to ease the tension and any possible “wrong” relationships.

everyone starts taking all their shit out on our boss - who i mentioned in the past post is actually a pretty sweet guy regardless of how all of this makes him seem. we don’t hit target for the quarter and all the other sales assistants say it’s his fault for being “lazy” - i completely disagree with this throughout because he always tries to remain positive even when he’s not 100% there. we all hear throughout this time that him and his girlfriend finally split and she moved, all the details are very vague but it really just seems like she didn’t love him for the past year or so and just completely cut him out of her life.

i hear from one of the other managers that he said he was sick of people grilling/disrespecting him. which is fair, anyone would. but it gets to the point where i text him to say i can’t do a shift and offer an alternative solution that he stops replying to me - which is very out of character - and i just have to sort it by myself. i worry that he took it as me grilling him.

he goes off on sick leave for a week and comes back and just doesn’t look right at all - noticeable weight loss, bags under his eyes, grey looking skin - he genuinely looks like he’s gonna kill himself. regardless, becky is still all the way up his arse and he’s up hers. cause it’s pretty taboo at work, nobody really mentions it but we’re all thinking about it.

i’m not sure if i’m biased because i really like him and know that his mental health is pretty terrible at the best of times but i honestly just think becky is using him and now he’s trapped… b/c if he tries to break it off she can just scream about how her “big bad boss took advantage of her” or whatever… but y’no i could be completely wrong… maybe he is a bit scummy and lost his girlfriend over the fact he was being scummy with other girls for so long. idk.

my boss also completely denies how much he’s hurting - i opened alone with him last monday and we had some very dry chat. i asked him how he was feeling regarding his mental health as he’s always been pretty open with me about it as he knows i deal with similar demons but he’s just like…”oh im great, moving on and enjoying being a single man again!!! :)” later im a bit less vague with him and tell him im worried about him and again… he’s just like… “nah don’t be worried about me!!! you’re young and have other things to worry about - i have people to worry about me its okay!!! anyway im fine im just a little miffed because we finished down this quarter!!!” i tell him im happy to worry but leave it there because i don’t want to make him uncomfortable.

flash forward to last weekend, jane books a booth at a nightclub and invites everyone out for drinks for her leaving night. shes not leaving for a couple more weeks but wanted to do it before holiday season started. most leave pretty early but myself, becky, a gal we will call susie and a few others stayed out. jane and susie became pretty good friends at work due to the fact they were basically the same person. susie is gay but jane isn’t however, theres always been banter about the fact they’re in love... which continued through this night out. its nothing serious, its all light hearted. well. it was.

becky starts telling everyone about the fact they made out in this club (they didn’t) and went back to susies to do "whatever lesbians do in the bedroom". y’no, although jane is straight. becky makes up that this happened before at another night out and that jane told her on shift once that she was bisexual. a lot of people shrug it off cos they know its bs but it becomes almost as big as the her/boss story and our area manager finds out - as jane was still working in our store whilst all this happened, and although it was all bullshit, she was punished for letting it go out of hand or whatever and wasn’t given the promotion and instead got offered a standard supervisor position at the new store with the possibility to progress. she declines offer this and susie (who is obviously very pissed) tells everyone that jane wanted to rat out becky/manager but couldn’t actually face doing so because she genuinely actually likes our boss.

again, if there’s any updates on this again i’ll post! work used to be draining cause of the customers but now it’s draining because of the staff!

#submissions #fuck co-workers #embarrassing #fuck coworkers #fuck managers #submission

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imyourliquor-youremypoison · 7 years

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Peter Pan Fic Rec

Okay so since I’m the one who’s been complaining about soft hearted OC or Y/N, I think I owe y’all this. I keep track of every single fanfiction I read on a rec blog (but it’s in French and not on tumblr) so I figured I should make the same thing here.

Echo by PurpleLady

I just had to be her. The one he fell in love with, the girl who was taken away from her brother, got aged back to being sixteen- forgetting my memories for 28 years in the process, and then having to jump into a giant portal not knowing where I would be taken. "He thinks I'm Robin Hood's twin sister who got kidnapped by Peter Pan for two decades."

It’s over 300k long and it’s mindblowingly good. The author recreated the way the episodes work, she swtiched between past and present scenes that intermingle really well and everything is perfect. She did incredibly well with so many characters and the OC has depth and is relatable. Also, she’s a ‘bad guy’ technically.

Red Rebellion and its even better sequel Never Seas by thoughtsofanonymous

Based in the future. [Peter Pan x OC] [Captain Swan] Emma and Killian's rebellious daughter is paid a visit by a very intrigued Peter Pan.

[Sequel to Red Rebellion] Killian and Emma's headstrong daughter Elizabeth Swan had always been a handful. As if her relationship with the mischievous Peter Pan wasn't already enough of a headache, on the eve of her eighteenth birthday she inherits powers beyond her control. [includes subtle themes from Pirates of the Caribbean]

These two a jewels. Especially the second one. In case it’s not clear: this is a OUAT x Pirate of the Caribbean crossover, with Elizabeth Swan, daughter of Killian Jones and Emma Swan, as main character. And it’s fabulous from beginning to end. The author magnificently writes this complex crossover (since OUAT is very disney-like and PotC is a lot darker) and she doesn’t tone it down because of the fairytale characters but rather takes them to a whole other level of authenticity and complexity.

When One Day Is Equal to a Thousand by YouSaidWho

Indigo Garcia walks worlds - out of time, out of place - and unrestricted by anyone's rules. And she has one mission; it's going down on Pan's island.

This one is a little wonder too. The author obviously knows what she’s about and she carries out her idea beautifully. She’s written other Peter Pan fanfics I haven’t read yet (but I will) and you will find them below. I have no doubt they are as good as this one because the author’s style is awesome! Plus, if you like Hook, this one is definitely for you!

Secrets by xPeterPanNeverFailsx

For my own safety, there had always been two things that I had kept to myself. The first: they had made one huge mistake when they brought me to Neverland. I was no lost boy. The second, well, I suppose it's a secret for a reason.

This is a oneshot and it has a nice twist I think, which I really enjoyed. It’s about 6k long and it’s the only one of I found with this ‘plot’.

Never Let Me Go by expecto-patroniam

I spent years away from him. Decades. I left because I thought that was what he wanted. And now, after all the hell I've been through, he tells me that he never actually wanted me to go.

Also a onehot but much shorter than the previous one. This one I read a longer time ago and I don’t remember exactly what it’s about but I rated it 75% so it must have been somewhat good. It won’t cost you much time to give it a shot anyway :)

What You Care About Most by xPeterPanNeverFailsx

When it comes time for Pan to cast the spell again, the spell that brought all of the people in the Enchanted Forest to Storybrook, he must decide if it is worth it to sacrifice the heart of the thing he cares about most, the only girl he has ever loved.

I don’t remember much about this oneshot either (I’m really useless, right???), but I wrote (and I quote) “Heartbreaking but beautiful” so- idk hold onto your feels?

Alpha by Mikki19

Omegas weren't supposed to exist any longer. They were said to have died out many years ago, so why was Polly-Anna feeling the prickly heat when the Pied Piper pays another visit to Hamelin?

This one is a lot of smut sprinkled with a bit of plot, but mostly smut. I’m not joking at all, this is the smuttiest fanfiction I’ve ever read, and I’ve read a lot of them. If you’re not comfortable with graphic scenes, this is not for you.

Jewel of Neverland trilogy by DreamerGirl96

The Jewel of Neverland

They say Peter Pan is a monster who can't love. Then the shadow brought back stubborn, naive Amy. No matter how she denies it, she's falling for the cruel boy. Will love be Pan's saving grace or his ultimate downfall? Takes place before, during, and after Operation: Save Henry.

Safe and Sound

The backfired curse has sent all of Storybrooke and its inhabitants back to the Enchanted Forest, including Amy. Only her memories seemed to have survived and her magic has grown stronger. Threats lurk around every corner as she fights for the ones she loves and not destroy herself in the process.

Shatter Me

The missing year has Storybrooke in confusion and chaos. Felix and Serena are back to being reluctant allies, Henry has no memory of his home, and Zelena has the Dark One captive, along with Peter and Amy. It's a race against time to save the past and stop Zelena from preventing her sisters from never being born.

I am in the process of reading this trilogy but so far it’s fairly good. It’s written in the first person narrative, which is not my personal favorite but it’s fine. There are a few mistakes here and there (grammatical mistakes) but it can be overlooked too. The plot is good as far as I can tell (I’m only halfway through the first part). The three combined parts are about 300k long.

The following I haven’t read yet but they are on my to-read list

Dream Nightmares For Me by ForeverNeverlander

Cheri Regan finds herself on Pan's island, Neverland. All of the fairy tales told to her in her childhood are false, and she is kept "captive" in this "Pan's" camp. She doesn't talk, doesn't respond to Pan's efforts. She then finds herself in the middle of a game that she has no idea of it's consequences.

This one has smut in it, you are warned.

Never Never Neverland by DREAMLESSLY17

Aria, daughter of Captain Hook and a mermaid, was born on Neverland. Who else would she fall in love with but Peter Pan? When Hook escapes Pan's control, he smuggles Aria with him. He erases her memory and returns to the Enchanted Forest. She's then swept up in Regina's curse separating her even farther from her love. Now 28 years later he has a plan to get her back. Season 3.

Innocence by kkshootingstar

A girl doomed before her own birth to be violently wanted by every person in her entire world, and then imprisoned for her entire life starting at age 5, of course wants nothing more than to escape. His Shadow is called to her, and takes her to Neverland, where she gets her freedom. And when you give an evil boy an innocent girl, opposites attract.

Paperkites and Paperchains by YouSaidWho

Evelyn Asteri gave Peter Pan her love. And now he's come back to claim all of her. Lost girls and lost boys are at war across realms where love and hatred collide time and time again in an endless battle of hideaways and secrecy where only one side will remain Panfiction! Pan/OC. Slight Hook/OC, but Lieutenant Duckling cause CS is endgame. M for smut and violence.

[18 years after Paperkites]

Tasha Highmark is a nineteen year old musician struggling in New York City. With memories coming back to her in disturbing vividness, she must rely on those around her to help her return to the Enchanted Forest and rescue the people in her dreams before it is too late. Sequel to Paperkites. AU. M for Smut and Language. Pan/OC. Felix/OC. Gremma. CaptainSwan.

A Solider’s Curse by YouSaidWho (with alternate ending)

Trapped by Peter Pan in a deal that she never truly agreed to, Ella Hart is bound to serve his will. Defying everything she was and everything she believes in, she obeys everything he asks of her. That is, until hope arrives in the form of a pirate. Multiple Pairings. Pan/OC, Hook/OC.

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