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m4tthewsgf · 5 months

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If we go down, then we go down together.

Matt sturniolo x fem reader !fluff

Warning: anxiety attack, kissing

Author's Note: hi y'all I hope you're doing well! I came up with this while listening to "we go down together" by Dove Cameron and I just thought that it would be funny if the song was about elevators AND THEN I REMEMBERED MATT IS SCARED OF THEM so I was like YEAH!!!!!!! That was dumb I apologise but it's also kinda funny???? Idk y'all I'm really sleepy lmao. Enjoy!!! You're important!!

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One thing about Matt is that he hates elevators. The thought of being in an enclosed, tight space from which you couldn't immediately escape in case of an emergency along with at least 3 other people breathing right next to you made him shiver in fear. He still got in them, although it was not by choice, but he was always extremely nervous when he did so.

I have been dating Matt for almost two years now and I can read him like an open book; I can tell just from the way he fidgets with his necklace or earrings that he's anxious or how he frowns when he is really upset. I know how to have him calm down when he is really stressed since I've seen him go through a couple of panic attacks throughout our relationship and the thought of little him dealing with that always broke my heart.

I've known him for a while and I always knew I liked him. It always confused me how I was able to pull a man like him and most importantly, how he fell in love with me. It was honestly a confidence boost every time I thought about it.

"Baby, it's okay I'm going in there with you" I soothed him as we waited for the elevator to come the story where we were at. I always told him that to remind him that he wasn't alone and I'd be there as well, hoping to bring some sort of comfort in him and help him relax.

"Yeah but what if-" he started his usual «what if» monologue.

"Matt, there's not what ifs. You're going to be okay, I promise you, here" I cut him off as I interlocked our fingers together while drawing circles on his soft skin with my thumb, "I'm right here, I got you" I added with a soft smile.

"What would I do without you?" he smiled back and leaned down to place a sweet peck on my lips. He pulled away just in time before we heard the ding which signified that the elevator has arrived.

"Come on" I said tugging his hand towards the doors and heard him inhale sharply.

Honestly, it was kind of hilarious how scared he was of them, but that was something that I'd never say to him. I would never want to invalidate his feelings and I totally understand that the feeling of fear mixed up with anxiety is not a good combination. I mean, his fear was valid if I'm being honest, but it still made me want to chuckle a bit.

"See? Everything's okay, Matty!" I told him once we got inside and the doors closed. He just looked down at me and smiled softly. We were the only ones inside so he took the opportunity to pull me into a gentle but passionate kiss.

Kissing him has been one of my favourite things to do ever since we got together. His lips are so soft and it's one of my two favourite features of his, the other one being his eyes. Don't get me wrong, I love everything about him, but those two features are the ones I notice first in every person I meet. You see, it is widely known that the eyes are the mirror to one's soul, but I personally believe that one's mouth is as powerful as their eyes, if not more; the words that fall out of it can break you or heal you. It holds the power to make you feel insignificant like a tiny ant in this huge world or as important as oxygen. It can also make you feel worried when you see a loved one frown or warm inside when you see them smile and laugh. And Matthew's mouth always did the latter.

It can also make you feel euphoric, or at least that's how I felt every time I kissed Matt; once our lips collided, I could feel that fuzziness in my chest that only appeared when he was around. I felt as if I could lift the whole damn world with my bare hands! I felt alive! I felt safe and loved and cared for. When we kissed, nothing and no one else mattered, just the two of us.

"I love you" he whispered after he broke the kiss, his lips still brushing against mine. I couldn't help but blush at the sight in front of me while feeling his grip on my waist tighten.

"I love you more-" I whispered back but got cut off as I felt the metallic ground tremble underneath me. My eyes were locked in Matt's as I watched his widen.

"What- what was that?" he panicked and I immediately grabbed his hands.

"Baby, I bet it's nothing just-" I tried to reassure him but got cut off once more with a more aggressive shake. His grip on my hands tightened and his face went white. All of a sudden, we stopped moving.

This cannot be happening right now. I thought. I pulled out my phone to check if there's any signal but there was nothing. Not a single bar.

"Matt, I need you to listen to me, okay baby?" I softly said as I felt his hands tremble against mine. He slowly nodded his head and let out a shaky breath.

"I need you to sit down and try to control your breathing for me. I'm going to go and press the help button on the panel right there and I'm going to be right back to you in a second, mkay?" I spoke as calmly as I could and watched him as he sat down slowly. I went to the panel and pressed the button a couple of times praying that they got the signal.

"It's all going to be okay sweetheart, I promise. I'm right here" I soothed him while I sat down across from him. I noticed how he started fidgeting with the piece of jewellery that fell onto his chest and his shortened breaths.

"I- I think I'm- I'm having an a- attack" he said with a rumbling voice and I reached my hand out to hold his. I scooted over him and wrapped my other arm around his shoulder, his head now hidden into the crook of my neck.

"I know, Matty. How about we do our exercise, hm?" I whispered and started scratching my fingernails against his back. "I want you to close your eyes and imagine we're back in Boston and you're showing me around. Where are you taking me first?"

"Pro- probably my house?" he chatted and I laughed.

"Yeah but let's say you want me to take me out on a date on your favourite spot. Where would that be?"

"Oh. Well there's th- this place a f- few-" he gasped and squinted his eyes.

"You're doing great baby, so so well. Keep going for me, focus on my voice" I praised him and placed soft kisses on his hair while worry had started to fill my own body. Why are they not responding?

"It's a- a few miles away fr- from my h-house and it's a fl- flower valey" he continued after taking a couple of deep breaths.

"Really? And what kind of flowers are there?" I asked feeling the shake on his hands slowly decrease.

"There are sun- sunflowers and tu- tulips. There's other flow- flowers too but I don't know wh- what kind they are but I can re- recognise t- those two 'cause th- they're your f- favourites" he smiled and chuckled slightly.

"You're so cute" I cooed and placed another kiss on his forehead. "Now, what colours do you see?"

"There are s- so many. There's defi- definitely red, ye- yellow and pink and I t- think blue as well b- but I'm not sure. There are also so- some mountains so you see brown t- too" he shrugged.

"That's okay Matty, you're doing great. Are there any animals around?" I spoke softly and moved my hand from his back onto his hair, earning an approving hum from him. However, I still didn't get any response from the reception and I knew I had to go up there and press it again, but I didn't want to leave Matt's side. I wanted him to know he had my full attention.

"Oh yeah, y- you'd love t- them! There are co- cows, the fluffy ones that you l- like and horses!" he exclaimed, "I really ha- have to take you there." his once trembling voice was now somewhat ceased.

"I'd love that, Matt," I placed one more kiss on the top of his head, "And why is this your favourite place in Boston?"

"Well, the sunset from up there is a- amazing and I used to always go there to t- think and c- clear my head. It also reminds me of you" he spoke now with ease, lifting his head from my shoulder and letting out a deep breath which sounded like it was stored in his chest for a while.

"Really?" I asked amused.

"Yeah, its beauty is breathtaking and so is yours. Whenever I go there and look at the scenery, it always calms me down and makes me forget about any worries of mine, something that you do as well," he turned to look at me with an affectionate smile, "If you were any place in the world, you'd be that."

I placed my hands on his cheeks wiping away a few tears that had escaped from his eyes. "I love you" I reminded him and kissed him passionately. "Are you okay?" I whispered against his lips once we stopped, my eyes scanning his features for any signs of discomfort.

"Yes, my love. Thank you," he replied and kissed me once more.

"You don't have to thank me, sweetheart, it's my job to take care of you and make you fell okay, hm?" I playfully told him and poked his chest with my index finger. "Now, let me try and ring them again, it's been almost an hour-"

"Hello?" I heard someone from the other side yell and I sighed in relief.

"Hi, thank you for coming" I yelled. They instructed us to stay away from the door and reassured us that we'd be out in a couple of minutes.

"I'm going to marry you one day" Matt said casually as he pulled me up in to my feet and I stayed there in shock at his confession.

"Wh- What? You want to marry me?" I stuttered.

"Why wouldn't I? You're my happiness, y/n, and I'd love to grow old with you but only if you'd like that too" he shook his head at my shocked expression and chuckled. He pulled me towards his chest, his hand around my waist holding me closer to his body as he looked down at me. "I love you so much that I'm afraid the right words do not exist to describe what I feel when I look at you or hear your voice or just think about you, baby" he added and kissed me again.

"I'd love to grow old with you, Matt. I love you" I giggled and hugged him.

Soon after, we were rescued by a team of firefighters whom we thanked again and bid them goodnight.

"Wanna get ice cream? I'll pay!" I chimed while we were walking down the street hand in hand heading towards Matt's car.

"I'm down and no you won't, let me treat you right, princess" he winked and I blushed.

"You're such a tease!" I rolled my eyes at him and playfully pushed him away only for him to bring my hand up to his lips.

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todorokies · 9 months

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midnight love affair - suguru geto

contents: nsfw, established relationship, fem!reader, reader is lowkey a smart mouthed bimbo, would this classify as crack ???, modern au where suguru isn’t depressed as shit

a/n: idk what this is i just need geto tbhh … inspired by the song midnight love affair by October London

“do you think touchscreen tvs will be a thing in the future?”

head woozy and heavy filled with nothing but the intoxicating sensation of your wet folds gracefully gliding up and down his painfully hard cock with your pussy occasionally clenching around him leaving a white ring imprint of your creamy residue. your raven haired boyfriend tried to make sense of the current predicament at hand as you stilled yourself on top of his lap, fully seated, letting his cockhead rest snug up against that spongy spot that always makes you dizzy.

his eyes held a look of pure dumbfounded confusion with sweat cumulating at the beginning of his hairline, lips extremely chapped and mouth agape he truly couldn’t believe what he’s hearing right now. (mostly due to the faint ringing of his ears as the pleasure was too much that he began to hear colours.)

you already fucked him dumb and he hasn’t even cummed yet.

with his leftover strength he was finally able to piece something together to counterpart your bizarre question. “huh?” was all he was able to conjure. you wrap your arms around his neck, “what do you mean “huh” did i already fuck your brains out? did you not hear what i said?”

oh now you’re getting sassy. he quickly licks his lips then elaborates. “i did hear you, i’m just confused where this is coming from all of the sudden.”

you simply shrug “it’s just a simple thought that came to me… consider it a shower thought if you will.” suguru gives you a look of uncertainty but doesn’t question any farther, instead, he indulges you.

“well the concept of a touchscreen tv is inconvenient, nobody wants to get up from the couch every time to change the channel.”

“i had a feeling you would say that!” you dramatically flail your arms in the air, “inconvenient or not you can’t deny the speed of the way technology is enhancing everyday; sooner or later somebody is gonna invent it.”

you had a point. “you’re right but would anyone willingly buy it? it just seems impractical to have in a home doesn’t it?”

“you’re not looking at bigger picture here; every year people complain about the amount of camera lenses apple adds to the latest iphone but yet they still go out of their way to buy it for a ridiculous price and you wanna know why this happens..?”

he quirks an eyebrow up signalling for you to continue suddenly intrigued to hear your conclusion.

“because consumers, especially tech nerds, love getting their hands on the newest inventions. it doesn’t matter how impractical it is, just knowing they possess something so expensive and high tech gives them this sort of euphoric high.”

“huh, i guess that reasoning never crossed my mind…you should definitely donate your brain to science.” a low dry chuckle passes from his lips and a frown tugs upon yours as you lift your hips to glide all the way up to the tip of his cock then slam yourself down earning a desperate throaty groan from the man below you.

“keep laughing and you won’t be cumming tonight.”

and at that all suguru could do is fondly smile to himself. you keep him on his toes everyday; always unpredictable with your actions and words. never in a million years could suguru see himself stopping sex midway to have an out-of-the-blue conversation about touchscreen television. this was one of your many quirks that made him gravitate towards you and crave for your spontaneous persona to find it’s way into his life.

“whatever you say goes my love, now can we please go back to fucking?”

reblogs & feedback is extremely appreciated !! <3

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stardew-shitposterino · 6 months

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Most to least likely Stardew Valley Bachelor to be lovey dovey in a relationship

Ok peeps, I’m in the mood for some random posting. Since some of you enjoy it, I’ll commit to it ! Why not 🤷🏼‍♀️so let’s goooo✈️

Oh and btw: a bit of NSFW again because I’m a degenerate lol. Soz to the minors 🫣

1. Elliott:

-Elliott is the obvious choice, isn’t he ?

-this man has no chill when it comes to showing you how much he loves you

-he isn’t huge on baby talk, but he’s huge on medieval Shakespearean reenactment to show his love to you

-you might not always understand where his play on words come from, but it sure as hell makes you blush like a mess

-whenever you and him have a sleepover, he leaves a note on your table that reminds you of how much he adores you! So cute 🥰

-flowers, romantic dates, evenings spent at the pub sitting on his lap while he caresses your hair, marvelling at it with a slightly drunken gaze and red cheeks 😫🫡😍😏

-…I just know that guy eats you out like no other…I said what I said 🥸

2. Sam

-ok hear me out! Before you come for my throat, I think he is more likely to be very love drunken than some of the other choices. It’s a close call for the second place, but I believe he deserves it

-overused but I don’t care: he has the golden retriever energy. Maybe it’s his ADHD, but regardless, he’s a pure boy

-he might be a little anxiously attached to you because he won’t leave your side during your honeymoon phase

-he wants to hold your hand or touch you in some way all the time. He just loves having you close 🥺

-expect him to kiss you senseless whenever he can. Preferably in private because he doesn’t want his mum to find out through bystanders, that would be embarrassing. Other than that, he wouldn’t care for the life of him. If he can pepper your neck with little kissies, he will

-speaking of kisses: he’s generally a huge fan of intense make out sessions. He prefers them over sex any time. Not that he doesn’t like the other stuff, but to him, it just hits different

-imagine that blushy, heated face when you pull away 😳 eyes hazy and hair even more disheveled than before, just adoringly gazing back into yours and smiling ever so slightly (😩😭🫨)

3. Alex

-“still no Harvey?! What’s wrong with you!?”

-I know I KNOW. I know that Harvey is a sweet boy in the game who tells you a lot of cute stuff, but idk. Something about Alex makes me believe he will be more likely the kind of partner to be sweet and a bit cringe yet adorable when it comes to the person he loves

-he might not be a poet, but he shows his adoration in other ways

-back 👏🏻 hugs 👏🏻

-generally hugging you? He will do it all the time. Any time. He will climb through your small living room window to hug you at least once a day if he has to

-for some reason, he likes kissing your arms. Don’t ask me to elaborate, he just does. Like kissing them up and down. Oh and your thighs 👀 it doesn’t even necessarily lead to anything explicit, he just loves them so much

-he will tell you how you’re the love of his life and how he cannot wait to see you two grow old together. He will lay in bed with you, maybe just watching tv and randomly blurt out something like this: “wow, who would have thought that we’d end up like this, meeting in this tired town. Having you by my side, I might be the luckiest guy to ever exist.”

-Alex frequents the beach to talk to his deceased mother. It’s kinda sweet in a way because he will talk to her about the things happening in his life. Pre-dating as well as in the midst of your relationship, he tells her so much about you, wishing she was still alive to have met you as you are the best thing that has ever happened to him 😭

-Alex is a hunky boy, but he loves bathing with you :3 something about it just makes him feel extremely euphoric 🥰 but he will cup your boobs the whole time lmfao (no matter what kind you have). That might also lead to him kissing your neck the whole time till both of you are in the mood 😶‍🌫️👀

4. Harvey

-Harvey at forth ?! HARVEY?! COME OOOON

-yes, I know. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t cute and affectionate with you ! This ranking is pretty close as all of the bachelors have their qualities that make them good partners 🥺 it’s just based on my own headcanons or assumptions about what they might be like

-ok so Harvey is a little anxious mess but LOVES to be a real gentleman when he’s in love

-I’m talking putting on his finest Jazz and dancing with you in your living room, slow dancing while just enjoying each other’s closeness 👀😍

-Harvey shows his affection mostly through everyday things. Like making you coffee in the morning or cleaning up for you. Not to mention peppering you when you’re sick as well as doing small gestures that show you that he cares and wants to make the effort for you

-Harvey LOVES to put your foreheads together while holding you close. Since he’s way taller than you, he has to crouch a little in order to make it work (it’s so cute omfg 😭😤🥰😍💀🫣🫨😫)

-forehead kisses too 😭👏🏻😫 he’s all about soft, sweet affection

-there are many headcanons about spicy Harvey and I get where this is coming from, but I do believe that his sweet, pure side is predominant. Like yes he will want to sleep with you, you’re a couple and he’s not asexual, so why wouldn’t he want to do that 🤷🏼‍♀️

-speaking of this, he loves to lay in bed with you in your post-coital state. Like of course he enjoys the deed, but what he enjoys even more is the after math that consists of laying together, skin to skin, just talking or laying there in silence and enjoying each other. It gives him the feeling of being one with you, of growing even closer than before 🥺

5. Sebastian

-Sebby can be a really cute guy once he lets his guard down, but I don’t think he is the most obvious in love even when he is very infatuated with you

-he just isn’t that kind of guy, you know?

-Sebastian loves to cuddle with you in bed, especially while playing video games. His room is his safe space and sharing that space with you while doing something he enjoys, it’s just perfect to him

-he will show you how much he likes you by taking you on small adventures despite being a homebody. He didn’t fix up that motorcycle for nothing. Just you and him outside, discovering new places. It’s something he doesn’t offer to just anyone

-in public, he’s very reserved and doesn’t feel comfortable showing his affection, but at home? He latches on you and won’t let go. Of course he needs his space every once in a while, but it’s not rare for him to try and crawl under your shirt with you just to feel your warmth (he’s very cold most of the time)

-he loves touching your tummy. Ok ok I know this one is controversial but he just loves it. When you’re a little soft and he can grab onto something soft and warm? Oh boy, he will….he will 👁️ he also loves kissing your abdomen. Again, don’t ask me, I have my reasons

-when it comes to intimacy, he surprisingly prefers giving over taking. I have a feeling he prefers non-penetrative sex more ? At least speaking of “traditional” straight sex. Again, don’t ask, I cannot explain. So I imagine when he’s in a relationship with an AFAB farmer, he will want to either eat them out or finger them senseless because it brings him pleasure. It’s very specific I know but it feels right🤷🏼‍♀️

6. Shane

-you all know by now that I have a mild obsession with this guy, but yeah…I gotta admit he isn’t cutting it in this ranking

-it’s not that he isn’t capable of giving a lot of love, but he has his barriers that keep him from showing his love freely

-he will get there eventually, but before that, he’s very…well…tense ? He has a hard time initiating romantic gestures or telling you nice things

-again it’s not because he doesn’t want to, it’s that he is in his own head too much that he cannot garner the courage to do so. You’re dating but he still suspects it’s all a tasteless joke on him

-in those moments when Shane beats his inner critics, he can be such a sweetheart omfg

-I’m speaking kissing you behind your ear, caressing your waist and whispering sweet nothings in your ear. He isn’t very eloquent most of the time, but when the moment is right, he just knows what to say to you to make you feel loved

-Shane is the type of person to show his affection through mild bullying and joking around. He might be calling you a dwarf or giant (depending on your height difference) make fun of little things you do that he notices, but it’s never in bad taste. He always makes sure you know it’s just silly banter that usually ends in you two fighting playfully and then tumbling on top of each other, laughing and kissing 🥺🥰

-this man, this man loves when you sleep on his chest. On a lazy Sunday watching tv or just when he wakes up in the morning, noticing your head’s weight on him. It makes him feel useful, like he can protect you (let’s ignore that the farmer slays monsters as a side hustle, k). He will kiss your head ever so softly and whisper how much he loves you while doing it 😌

-if you want him to be the kind to hold your hand in public or kiss you, you’ve set your money on the wrong horse (rehab was supposed to be a fresh start), because he is not that kind of man, sorry 🤷🏼‍♀️ he will start to do it once he gets comfortable enough with you, but it’s not that much. PDA just isn’t in it with this guy 😤

-his spicy side? He has plenty spice, but when he’s in the mood for some romance, he likes it slow and sensual. It’s a bit out of character for him, but sometimes he just wants to enjoy your presence and the slow build up of excitement and arousal. Expect him to enjoy guided self-pleasure. Picture it like this: he sits behind you, taking your hand and guiding it through the process of what you’d do to yourself 🫣 while, again, whispering hot stuff in your ear (yeah my version of him is into whispering lmfao). That’s the good stuff 😫

#stardew valley #sdv bachelors #sdv shane #stardew valley shane #sdv Harvey #Stardew valley Harvey #sdv Alex #Stardew valley Alex #sdv Sam #Stardew Valley Sam #sdv Sebastian #stardew valley sebastian #sdv Elliott #Stardew valley Elliott #stardew valley headcanons #sdv headcanons #Stardew valley bachelors

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kirbyskisses · 1 year

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shared || satosugu/reader

1.38k words

this was supposed to be like two sentences about a dream i had but I just… couldn’t stop??

cw: spitroasting, light overstimulation, mutual teasing, established relationship (throuple), light breeding kink, cervix mention, gojo curses when he’s pussydrunk

maybe had typos idk it’s 1 am and I wrote a whole screenplay today cut me some slack. also geto never left au ig???

suguru using your mouth as satoru fills your pussy :(

you’re spread over the table as they stand on either side of you.

satoru playfully teasing suguru for cumming first, the latter leaving thick white ropes in your mouth that connect your plush lips to his twitching cock head.

his huge hand is caressing your face as he coos that “you’re taking satoru so beautifully, my jewel. satoru, be gentler. you’re probably bruising her cervix by now.”

gojo gives a large smile, crystal blue eyes still staring into yours even as he addresses your black haired lover.

“ah c’mon sugu. you know she can take it. look at that fucked out smile. you want this dick don’t you, honey bunny?”

you smile both at the euphoric feeling - your walls are practically melting at the loud wet slaps of gojo’s long, pink cock sliding in and out - and at suguru’s calm concern. using whatever strength you have left - that is to say, whatever strength they haven’t simultaneously fucked out of you - you hold geto’s rough hands. your heated body shakes

“ ‘m okay, geto. promise.”

he smiles with a glint of pride in his eyes - leaning down to kiss you lightly, tongue sliding over yours to taste the sloppy remnants of the milk he had just spurted down your throat.

“see, man? she’s our girl. she can take anything we give her.” there’s a laugh in gojo’s voice, his nails digging into your thick thighs. “b’sides what’s so bad about kissing that sweet spot? just means i’m that much closer to filling up this nice womb.” he spanks your side with a deeper thrust that makes you squeak into geto’s mouth, a sound both your boyfriends thoroughly enjoy.

“that’s where my cum is supposed to go after all, right (y/n)?”

he smiles when you break away from geto, letting warm air fill from your nose to your lungs before exhaling a lascivious moan.

“yeah, satoru. fuck - your cum goes in my pussy.” his confident smirk falters just a bit as you squeeze down on his length, a strangled moan forcing itself out of his throat, silvery-white hair shaking as his body buckles.

“shit- holy fucking shit baby.”

suguru chuckles, fingers massaging your shoulders and lifting you to sit up - partially to relieve you from the discomfort of the hard table of your shared living room and partially to get a better view of gojo’s cock slapping into your dripping folds, while hungrily swallow him in.

“who’s fucked out now, satoru?” he gives a breathy laugh at his best friend’s sweaty disposition.

gojo bites his lip. “sh’t up, sugu.” almost as if punishing him for the demand, you grind your fat, little clit onto his white bush of lower hair the next time he goes balls deep. your legs wrap around his waist despite feeling like putty and when he’s trapped in their grasp, you squeeze again.

“fuck - baby! can’t pull out if you’re holding so tight!” his breathing gets heavy - your insides have a vice grip on his cock and his balls twitch. he knows - all three of you know that he’s only a few strokes away from spilling into you and he’s grinding against your innermost wall absolutely desperate to do so.

“don’t be so mean to sugu, ‘toru.” you pout and suguru can hide his expression of pride - obviously as best friend and lovers he and gojo make jabs at each other all the time. it’s like a game of seeing which one of them you’ll side with and which you’ll chide for “taking it too far.” usually satoru would just laugh it off or tease more, or pout until he gets a kiss from one or both of you.

it’s a rarity of mythological proportions when he actually apologizes but so ravenous to spill his seed into your womb and keeps thrusting his cock into your sweet, sweet hole - he has no choice.

“okay. okay fuck -” he’s practically drooling when the word shake out of him. “sorry. fuck - sorry suguru - you don’t have to shut up and you aren’t soft for cummin’ so fast - i would’ve too with a pretty mouth like our baby’s - so let me do it in her pussy. fuck it’s so tight and warm suguru - she’s just begging for it.”

at suguru’s nod, you unclench and unwrap your legs from gojo’s waist and he wastes no time battering into your perfect hole - he can tell suguru’s groping and earlier use of your throat has made you wetter than ever and it’s driving him insane.

“that’s it, my treasure. just let satoru treat you so nice. cum when he does. can you do that?”

between their two huge frames you feel so small and obedient that you immediately nod, hips rocking to the animalistic pace of gojo’s hips as your nails find his back and he pull you into him, one of his huge veiny, soft hands squeezing into your hair and the other into your shoulder.

you bury your face - teary from just how deep he’s thrusting in - into his neck and bite down. with one more curse and a shaky breath his eyes meet geto and they both share a mutual look of a sort of possessive, mischievous confidence - taking pride in how they’re the only people on the planet who could tear you apart and make you cum like this.

there’s no announcement when you cum, just a loud cry of both their names when gojo’s fat, dripping tip juicily kisses your cervix. you shake and convulse and squeeze as geto’s hand roll along any part of you not covered by gojo’s form, cooing as the latter shoots his hot seed into you.

suguru’s cum is thick, as is his cock, but his orgasms are usually quiet and produce less than your other lover - he’s almost always more focused on your pleasure.

but gojo’s a different story. equally as thick but with more length that shoots out thin continuous ropes that you can practically feel filling your tummy. he’s loud and fucks your crying form through your simultaneous climax. for every drop of his you feel fall out there’s another thrust to fuck it back in until his groans stop and his twitching cock settles. he gives you one last spank that is immediately healed by suguru’s calming touch.

“that’s our girl. fuck, my love.” suguru’s voice is hot on your earlobe as you disentangle from gojo who kisses your head and goes to get desperately needed towels to clean all the sweat and sticky stains of white they’ve covered you in. “you’re still shaking.” he presses a tiny series of kisses to your neck as gojo returns.

“hold suguru baby. this might feel cold.” he gives a well-meaning chuckle at your jumpy form when he wipes the cool water against your lovingly abused thighs. unable to resist he gives your little clit apologetic kisses, lips curving up at how it tastes and smells like the spunk he’s left brewing inside you. you squeal when his kisses turn into nips.

“toru!”

suguru’s eyes sharpen and gojo shrugs in mock sheepishness.

“okay, okay! couldn’t resist. no more, scout’s honor.”

“you’ve never been a scout.” suguru rolls his eyes but gives a content sigh, wiping around your mouth and cheeks and pressing his lips to them ever so occasionally. “but he is right, our dearest better half. kissing you is very hard to resist.”

gojo smiles. “kissable lips, nice tits, big heart, tightest sweetest fuckin’ holes to fill… we really hit the jackpot huh, suguru?”

“i’d most certainly say we did.” he smirks, turning your head gently to have your eyes meet his sharp brown ones.

you can’t tell if your cheeks getting hot is from blushing at the heartfelt compliments or the remnants of physical exertion from having the thoughts fucked out of your head by not own but two beloved men.

“aww.” gojo coos. “say (y/n). how about next time we trade places? i’m certain geto wants a chance to breed this nice hole and i’d love to fill my sweetie’s mouth with my own cream.”

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lvgrrqs · 10 months

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TOO LATE — A. ANDERSON.

summary. abby cant say she fell for you at the same pace you fell for her, but when she did, it was too late for it to matter.

mentions of blood + death | light spoilers | some angst | no gender specified | most def not proofread

note. angst is NOT my strong suit and i only got this idea because i replayed the part where she beats the shit out of ellie in the theatre basement, idk where my thoughts went after that.

word count. 2.4k

you were always there for her, weren’t you? she couldn’t recall all the times when she was alone, dealing with things on her own - you were in too many memories for her to count.

when her dad died, you were there besides her when owen wasn’t, and when she called things with owen, you were there too. during her late nights when nightmares would take away her sleep and panic would settle in her chest you were always there to hold her hand and guide her through it.

if she had to put it simple, you were the light she was looking for when she was lost in the darkness. though, when she finally put it together and realized this, it was far too late.

she never fully comprehended why her heart would beat days after things stopped with owen, the same rapid beating she would have even when she was with him — it wasn’t the same she felt when she was afraid, or when she would kiss owen. it was a delightful feeling, a spark lighting up in her body whenever your hands would touch, whenever you would hug her or smile at her.

your laugh was euphoric, she was addicted and yet she couldn’t comprehend why. maybe that was the reason she ended things with owen, he just wasn’t you, but she couldn’t comprehend thinking about you like that. you were just a friend, weren’t you?

you certainly thought of her as more, the reason for you always being there for her was because of your absolute fascination with her. her eyes, her laugh, the way she would always go above and beyond for what she stood for. she was the other end of your magnet, always pulling you towards her and yet you could never seem to fully connect as you longed for.

despite that, you stayed with her. you couldn’t leave her alone, you made it clear that you loved her and cared for her whenever you got the chance, and even if she couldn’t match the same and only saw your actions as friendly, you knew she cared a lot about you too. she was grateful for you, after all these years.

you were with her when abby and the group went to jackson to get joel - though you had the same mindset about killing the man as mel, you were still with her. you were still there, as she killed the man in front of ellie, and you were still there, making eye contact with the girl as she was knocked out.

you were with her when you, abby, and manny got called up to the fob, and you went with her when she set out to get owen after finding out he went awol - begrudgingly, of course, you wanted to make sure she was safe, and owen was your friend as much as anyone else was. you couldn’t sit back and leave him for whatever hell was out there, not when you could go with abby and do something about it.

you were with her when you found owen and got caught up with some scars - you took care of them, though you couldn’t have stayed with her for long. she began to get reluctant when it came to letting you out with her, practically begging you to stay behind at the aquarium where it was safe.

it was no different this time when her reluctance got worse, yelling at you when you tried going out with her and yara to get lev after he ran off to the island for their mother. everything was crashing on her, her exchange with owen and mel separately being too much as it is, and losing sight of lev made it worse. the last thing she needed was to lose you too.

the look in your eyes were watery, her yells getting under your skin. regardless, like always, you went with her words and wished her the best of luck, demanding she get back safe and leaving her in the damp hallway alone. she couldn’t find you before she had to leave, and she did her best to push that heavy weight in her chest to the side and get what she needed done.

she would make it up to you once she got back, she silently promised you that.

she would never get to do that though, her time on the island obviously kept her preoccupied - throughout her adventures, she couldn’t have known about the girl following her tracks to act out her revenge plan.

there was no way abby could have known that ellie had killed owen and mel, and now she had you tied to a chair in that same damp room where their bodies laid.

the bruises on your body ached with every movement, the knife dug into your knee left you still so the pain couldn’t get worse. your hair was in ellie’s hand via fisthold, forcing your eyes to connect to hers. your blood on her face from when you spat in it, which had only angered her more and led to that knifes current location.

her eyes were demanding, not the same as the broken ones you had seen back in jackson that day abby killed joel - they were filled with rage, red with anger and you knew there wasn’t going to be any mercy in this for you. “i’m going to ask you one more time, where the fuck is she?”

“go fuck yourself, mel gave you that information, and you fucking killed her.” ellie’s face crinkled up in disgust towards your response and towards herself, she knew she had killed a pregnant lady, but having you in this chair with valuable information she could pry out of you was overriding those emotions.

with a grunt, she roughly pushed your head to the side, hand going down to the knife in your knee - with a quick flick of her wrist, your kneecap was popped off. your screams bounced off the walls, hitting your ears as quick as they left your mouth. “go to hell.” you sobbed, eyes squinting and glaring at her through the damp hair dangling in your face.

“no other place for me to go, bitch, but i’m not going empty handed.” she stood up and left the room and, desperately, you gathered what strength you had left to try and find a way out of the chair.

there was too much going on in your body right now, too much pain and blood pouring from your wounds. the taste of iron was heavy in your mouth and you fought to keep your eyelids open, the tips of your fingers already going cold and numb.

there wasn’t enough time for you, and you knew this. no matter what you did, you were going to die anyway. there was no trace of mercy in that girls eyes, and yet you knew that’s exactly how abby had looked when she had ellie in this same position - helpless, watching those merciless eyes take the life of someone they held dear. except, ellie didn’t have abby beaten to a bloody pulp in front of you, she had you instead.

and as if on cue, your feeble attempts to free yourself landed you on the ground, your head slamming against the cold and wet tile of the aquarium floor. you laid in blood, though you couldn’t tell if it was your own or the blood that came from the bodies of your two dead friends. the thought had your eyes watering once again and you fought the tears away with constant blinks.

there was no use crying, not anymore.

it didn’t hurt to reminisce while you had these last few moments, unbothered and not having a knife enter and leave your body in different areas since ellie wasn’t in the room to do that for you. you thought back to the moments when you met abby, met the others and all the times in between that brought the best memories you could’ve made in any life. you thought about what you could’ve done different, and the what if’s.

what would’ve been if you hadn’t walked off on abby’s reluctance. if you had been able to just give her one last hug, to feel her embrace.

the thoughts ended as the door opened and the hasty steps echoed towards you. your eyes moved away from ellie’s approaching figure to the puddle you laid on. your reflection made you chuckle, how horrible you looked with your beaten and bloody face, the swollen eye and cuts lining your cheeks.

“i don’t see what’s so funny.” ellie spat, and you finally looked up at her, eyes tracing her figure down to the pipe that she held in her hand. she brought it more towards your face as if to show it off, and you knew exactly how she was going to finish the job. “i just look like shit,” you coughed out, pausing to catch your breath through a few heavy heaves. ellie rose a brow, bringing the pipe upwards.

“i just wanted to let you know, you look like shit too.”

the sound of metal slamming against the surface echoed through the hallways, and abby’s heavy breathing along with lev’s followed in unison. they had made it back, but something seemed off, and abby knew it, there was a quick pace in her steps, the rapid sound of her heartbeat echoing in her ears from worry.

you, owen, and mel knew how to take care of yourselves. the aquarium was blocked up nice and secure, wasn’t it? even then, you guys would have the upper hand in a quarrel, wouldn’t you? alice was there to protect you as well, being the best guard dog and companion she was, right?

well, abby wasn’t too sure after that, seeing as alice was laying on the ground with a trail of blood next to her body. the weapon used to do the damage wasn’t to be found, but it already sounded the alarms in abby’s head. lev had stayed close to her, ready to help defend the pair if anything were to happen, though nothing came to his immediate alert but the tension radiating off the woman in front of him.

cautiously, abby and lev trekked through the rooms which had obviously been scavenged through, proof someone else had been here. what really set this in stone, however, was the blood pouring into the hallway from the main room.

all thoughts in abby’s mind gathered together into one possibility - that it was someone else’s blood, and you, owen, and mel had been able to defend yourselves. it had to be just that, right? with how trained you and owen were, and if anything were to have happened that either of you got hurt, mel would be there to patch you guys up.

but the make shift operating room hadn’t been touched since yara’s operation, but that shouldn’t push the idea down all the way, right? you had to be okay, right? it wasn’t a question in abby’s mind, it was a focus. you were okay, and that’s what she kept telling herself as she pushed the door open.

and like any other time she needed you, there you were, ellie’s body next to yours in a heap of unmovable flesh. you were breathing, but barely, and yet you were able to give abby that same smile you always gave her. “i’m so.. sorry abby. i couldn’t help them, im sorry.” you broke down, arms going limp and chest rising and setting rapidly with your sobs. abby looked, heart breaking at the sight of mel and owens body a few paces away from yours. she fought back the nausea, but not the tears. you were okay, you were alive and she needed to get you medical attention.

without hesitation, after collecting what little she could, she basically threw herself at you. she gathered you in her arms, examining your wounds and being careful not to push you more than your body could handle. it was apparent you had lost a lot of blood, and she couldn’t let herself postpone anymore time when it could be used to start helping you.

though, she couldn’t help the rapid whispers of, “i’m so fucking glad you’re okay,” and, “i love you.”

at least, that’s what should’ve happened, if she hadn’t opened the door to see your battered and mangled body instead. her eyes trailed to the pipe laying a few feet away, bloodied footsteps trailing out to a door on the opposite end of the room. all at once, abby’s world crashed down on her.

your body, plus the bodies of her two friends, laying cold and lifeless on the floor. “fuck…” she breathed, the nausea taking control and leaving her helpless to falling to the ground and throwing her guts up. then, the tears came. she sobbed and wailed and lev felt useless to the woman as she let her emotions go.

it was painful to watch someone who seemed so held together break, but it was understandable. lev had lost yara, and given the chance he would’ve reacted the same way if he had time, so watching abby break her barriers completely and sluggishly crawl over to your body, still attached to that damn chair, wasn’t so hard to mold into sympathy.

abby undid your ties, catching your body as it rolled over sideways, feeling how limp you were in her arms. she gathered you upwards, brushing hair out of your face and bringing a hand to wipe away the blood off your lips. your eyes were open, terrifyingly still and lacking their usual light, but they were glossed over and stared right into abby.

with a heavy sob, she took one last look into your eyes, and brought her hand to carefully close them, knowing she would never wake up to them again. knowing that the light in her dark was burnt out, and that she would have to go the rest of her days without your presence, your attentive nature, and your love.

your love, she knew, was what she was going to miss the most. she came to regret never giving it back to you, hating herself that it took a small argument to draw the promise she would do better for you, and she would never get the chance to. it was too late.

but in this moment, as she started to gather herself after lev called out for her, there was only one thing she hated more than her lack of compassion.

ellie, and she swore to you that she was going to kill that son of a bitch - it wasn’t too late for that, at least.

#abby anderson #abby the last of us #abby x you #abby x reader #abby anderson x reader #abby tlou #abby anderson tlou2 #the last of us #the last of us x reader #ellie williams #ellie tlou #tlou2 x reader #tlou2 abby #ellie williams x reader #🕸️ ༉lee writes !#angst #tlou imagine #the last of us 2 #🕸️ ༉lee-thusiast !

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macsimagines · 6 months

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Slasher!Hakkai? Like who would this cutie to be a killer? 🤧

THIS ASK DID THINGS TO MEEEE! I love slasher characters, never particularly enjoyed the actual movies but i feel like the killers are all so interesting IDK

TW: YANDERE BEHAVIOR, MINORS DNI, STALKING, MURDER, MENTIONS OF ABUSE

Slasher!Hakkai Shiba

He never wanted to be a killer, honestly he was gentle and kind at one point. But the world was so broken and full of horrible people that he just couldn't help himself anymore.

The first kill was his brother. All the hits and fighting and abuse just made him...snap. Thankfully his sister had helped him get rid of the body so he was never caught.

That didn't help the nightmares though. Remembering the way his brothers bones cracked when they chopped him up, the warmth of blood then that thick gammy feeling when it dried on his skin... His brothers voice in his head constantly whispering; "Murderermurderermurderer, I always knew you had it in you~"

it just escalates from there. At first, the next few murders are an accident. "This guy was just like him, She had his smile, They ate their food the same way-"

Eventually he stops making excuses, he knows what he is and can make peace with it. After all, he'll kill his brother as many times as it takes for him to stay dead.

The news is all over his murders, they call him the TallMan, and he honestly hates the nickname but so long as no one knew who was he to complain?

One day he's on the prowl, its like he knows that his brother is going to make an appearance, whether it be in that man's laugh or in that woman's scowl, he knows he's going to have to kill Taiju again.

He finds him, and you.

Your boyfriend was yelling at you again, over god knows what this time. But it was clear that he was mad about something and he would take it out on you...

"I fucking told you- Fuckin' warned you Y/N," He hissed dragging you by your forearm. "Ow! I-I I'm sorry! I didn't mean-!" "Shut it, Bitch!" and suddenly, he's slamming you into an alley wall, "I'm gonna make you fuckin' sorry!" "Found you, Taiju~!"

Then the knife comes barreling down and the world goes dead quiet. You're sure your boyfriend was screaming, you're sure the knife slicing into him had to have made some kind of noise, but the ringing in your ears is deafening. All you do is watch the blood fly and the chaos unfold.

Hakkai feels euphoric, he'd purged his brother from the world another night and left it a safer place for everyone. For you. He turns suddenly to look at you, his mask covered in blood. And you just stare. You know you should be screaming but you just can't force out the sounds.

And you, well Hakkai thinks you're just so... pretty. Your eyes are so wide and frightened that it makes his heart hurt. He can relate, his brother can be pretty scary, but don't worry- he'll keep you safe.

That night he just walks away, he can't bring himself to say anything to you, you're so breathtaking that you took the words right out of his mouth... but don't worry! He's always watching!

When you go to work, when you're out to lunch, when you're sleeping. Hakkai is always there to look out for you! To protect you from all the Taijus in the world... The sudden spike in Tallman attacks has everyone concerned and on red alert, but he won't stop. He has to kill Taiju, he has to keep you safe...

"I'll always protect you now, Y/N~,"

#yandere tokyo revengers #yandere hakkai shiba smut

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jshookthighs · 1 year

Text

More Corey Cunningham HC’s

These are both sfw and nsfw🔞 but there’s a barrier between them, so if you don’t wanna read spicy stuff, you don’t have to see it

Note: Also please request stuff!! I love hearing ideas cause my mind goes blank and idk what to write half the time // Also please be over 18, I unfortunately had to block a few people

SFW:

*Mostly pre-Michael cause that’s when he’s so baby boy but I’ll say if it’s post-Michael

He has the cutest date ideas - I’m talking fairs, museums, picnic dates, and even taking ya’ll to those paint pottery places. He wants to treat you right and take you to all your favorite spots. He lives for the moment you light up when he tells you that you’re going out. He may not have tons of money, but he’s prepared to spend every cent on making you happy.

Speaking of dates, if you tell him that ya’ll are going out, he will be flustered. You want to take him out for a night on the town? He’s kicking his feet and blushing - treat him with nice things, please

Keeps notes of all your favorite things - food, drinks, movies, flowers, color, etc just in case he sees it when he’s out; he’ll pick it up because he thinks that it’ll make you smile --> honestly one of his love languages is gift giving

After a long day, Corey just wants to take a shower with you - not for sexy time but he just likes the warmth from you and the stream of water. He feels like he can finally unwind and just relax with you

Will melt if you wash his hair. Feeling your fingers glide through his hair and feeling you scrape his scalp gently is gonna having him basically purring into your palm

I wanna squish his cheek, they look so soft - just wanna cup that face in my hands and hold him forever <3 sorry just had to say that

Notorious hair tucker - loves to push your hair out of your face and will do so at random times (It’s just a reason for him to touch you)

Listens so intently when you talk about something you’re passionate about, just hanging on to every little word you have to say like it’s the most important thing in the world. It is to him

(post-M) Will suggest only watching horror movies on date night because he wants you to hold on to him when you get scared. He wants to prove that he’ll always protect you and wants to feel your chest press into his arm

Will let you win on any game ya’ll play - board games, video games, bets, everything cause he’s a simp

Cheesy ass motherfucker --> “Aren’t the stars beautiful tonight, Corey?” “Yeah, they’re gorgeous...” Meanwhile, he’s staring at you like you hung the moon AHHHHHHHHHHH

Sharing an umbrella in the rain but it’s mostly just him trying to keep it over your head so you don’t get wet so his shoulder is just soaked

Favorite sleeping/cuddling positions are: spooning (I swear to god if you don’t let this man be the little spoon sometimes I-) , the tangle, facing each other, and laying his head on your chest

Slow dancing in the kitchen, just holding you close while swaying back and forth

Likes to trace your face with his finger when you’re both lying in bed and he’s sure you’re asleep. Wants to memorize every lovely curve and mark

Sighs when ya’ll kiss like it’s this euphoric moment that he gets to kiss your perfect lips and he’s so grateful for everything you do

His heart swells with pride when you wear his clothes because you’re just so beautiful and you want to wear his clothes, no one else’s, you truly do belong to him

Will ALWAYS kiss you first thing in the morning and the last thing at night - doesn’t even matter if ya’ll are fighting or what, he refuses to not show you he loves you

***NSFW below!!!!***

NSFW:

Ok let’s get this out of the way - he’s 6 inches hard, thicker at the bottom, and has a small curve upward. Not very veiny but the tip is the prettiest shade of dark blush

Cum is thick but there’s not a crazy amount of it - a pretty basic amount

Loves the way you smell, you are so intoxicating - When he goes down, he’ll just press his face deep into your thigh and just sit there and smell you (Gross? Maybe. But I just get that vibe from him)

Bondage is very iffy for him, he really loves touching you so that’s literally his nightmare of being forced to not feel how soft and warm you are. But, if you really wanna get him worked up and needy, would definitely tie his wrists to the bed frame - only for a little while though because he will break down and full-on sob Do I have a dacryphilia kink???

Always on the fence if he wants to keep you all to himself or make everyone in town hear him scream his name and how good he makes you feel

(Post-M) Feral boy - if you leave any clothes in his house, the second you leave he’s stripping down, jumping in bed, suffocating himself by shoving the fabric over his nose and wrapping his hand around his dick and pumping one out. Bonus points if it’s your underwear - he’s licking that little wet spot you left on it and sucking it dry till the taste is gone. Well, now he’s sad :( Don’t worry he will wash everything before returning it to you, he’s not a complete creep

Overstimulation but on himself. Sometimes you just feel so good and you look so good underneath him that he cums a little too fast. He doesn’t want to stop feeling good so he’ll keep thrusting even though he’s shaking and whining because by god he’s gonna make you finish too or die trying

Has a sensitive back, grazing your fingers down his spine, kiss a line down it, is dig your nails in and he is at full mast in a heartbeat

(Post-M) Probably won’t act on it but has thought about bending you over his motorbike and fucking you or maybe he will who knows

(Post-M) Predator/Prey play - will chase you around the house or play a game of hide and seek

Sit. On. His. Face. Do it, you won’t hurt him darlin’ he’s tough he can take it. That’s it put your full weight down <3

Half the fun to him is just undressing you - if he has the time or patience he’s stripping you one item at a time until you’re the one squirming and begging him to just get on with it

Favorite sex positions are: Cowgirl/cowboy, missionary, the butterfly, spooning, the lotus, and sometimes doggy - honestly this man just needs to hold you in some way and see your face when you fall apart

While a switch leaning on sub half the time, if you tease him, or deny him release too many times a flip is switched and he is flipping you over, throwing your legs over his shoulders a thrusting so hard that his hips make an indent into yours and your thigh are bruised tomorrow from how hard he’s squeezing - aftercare after that is gonna be 10x more soft than normal. He’s gonna run you a bath and make you a snack and fetch you a drink and massage your thighs and -

When he’s close, bite his neck and he will cum in an instant, he adores the way our teeth feel on the soft spot on his throat. Go ahead and throw in some neck kisses too just to be sure

This man makes me a whore and I don’t care I love him

#corey cunningham headcanons #corey cunningham x reader #slasher headcanons #slasher x reader #halloween #halloween movies #halloween ends #gender nuetral reader #gender nuetral #slasher smut #corey cunningham

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heyidkyay · 1 year

Note

Just wondering if you would ever consider writing a Matty fic where he falls in love with a fan in the audience of a show? Maybe he writes songs about it all? It’s very cliche but man does it pull on my heart strings, the Cinderella of it all. Getting swept up into his life like that would be so romantic.

Tag along |

Part one

Strayed a little but it’s still very much fluff filled, maybe not what you’d first expect? Idk, that sounds strange but I hope you enjoy it anyway! Thank you for the prompt!<3

Part Two

It was official.

After days of relentless pleading and having been so blatantly coerced into it by my mum and younger sister, I’d finally relented and given in to attending the concert. And I sort of hated myself for it. Strange, I know, but now I had no choice but to see some fuck-off band- I’d never even heard of- with my teenage sister and her best mate, who were practically mad about them.

I mean, I love the girls, I truly do. With all my heart. But having to spend an entire evening with them, surrounded by a thousand other screaming fans, just wasn’t something I was looking too forward to.

And who could honestly blame me?

You see, it had all begun earlier that same week. I’d been on my lunch break, grateful to have just a minute to myself, when my mum had called. We’d gone through the motions, happy to catch up; she told me the gossip whirling round back home (next door were back to rowing again and Tracey in the post office had fallen pregnant for the seventh time); she’d asked after me, like she always did, questioned if I was eating enough, sleeping alright, if I’d met anyone new…

My mum and I had always been pretty close. She’d had me young, I was her first baby- something she never failed to remind me of- and we’d sort of grown up together. Seeing as how my father (nickname: The Sperm-Doner- yes, the caps were necessary) had gone and fallen into all kinds of shit and ultimately decided to fuck off when things had gotten too real. She was my rock, the one person I could count on to defend my corner, and always believed in everything I ever set my mind to.

It had been hard on the both of us when I’d left home, especially seeing as I was now a couple dozen cities away. But life continued on and we adapted, I went back to visit as much as I possibly could, and called whenever I had the time. Even though in moments when all I really needed was a good hug from her, it was easy to remember what I was doing this all for, and that my family was only a train journey away. They were a constant, even if they lived a couple hundred miles from me.

So she had phoned, I’d immediately noticed the stress which underlined her tone and I’d asked what was up. She’d danced around the topic as much as she could- she hated asking for things, ‘that’s my job,’ she liked to reiterate whenever something occurred and I tried to help out. But I’d dragged it out of her in the end. And oh how I now wished that I’d just left it.

Because here I was, stood in the freezing cold, outside of the O2 arena, in a line full of a couple hundred other excited fans who were all waiting eagerly for the gates to open.

The two girls were squirming beside me, so ecstatic you’d have thought that I’d gone and laced their drinks with something other than sugar, jumping all about the place whilst they squealed to one another in such a high pitched tone that anyone else would’ve believed that they were conversing in another language all together.

It was amusing to a point, because I could honestly recall the same euphoric high I’d felt when I’d finally gotten tickets to an Arctic Monkeys gig almost a decade ago now.

Internally I winced as the memory drifted to the forefront of my mind, feeling far too old for my twenty-three years.

But I could also admit that I was honestly in a tad bit of a mood, had been for the last half hour or so, because I truly fucking hated the cold. And right now? It was baltic and I was freezing my tits off.

I’d already buried my face into the opening of the leather jacket I’d thrown on that morning and wrapped my arms around my torso to enclose some of my remaining heat, but it was of little use. I was still shivering away with a frown.

I’d gotten a couple of lingering looks whilst here, something I’d noticed but could’ve cared less about. It was far too cold to be stood about waiting in any sort of line, so they could all excuse me for not being overly delighted with the whole ordeal.

I sighed and peered down at my phone screen, glancing at the time, then double checked my pockets for the tickets I’d been handed on arrival and told to guard with my life.

It was probably the twentieth time I’d done so, because who in their right mind would give me, of all people, something important to look after? I was the least irresponsible person I knew when it came to being organised.

Because listen, I could get anywhere on time, I was insanely good at that- a job interview, an airport, a school play… But nine times out of ten, I’d almost always forget the one thing I’d needed most. My resume, everybody’s passports, the wig I’d worn one halloween and promised to my younger brother so that he could complete his costume in time for his class assembly…

Yeah, so I was a bit of a mess. But who wasn’t?

Albeit saying that, I had ultimately been the one to score these tickets. My mum and step-dad had gifted them to my younger sister as an early Christmas present after she’d literally begged for months on end during the lead up to the drop of the presale.

It had just been the three of us, all sat down in the family living room, back home up north, earlier this year. We’d counted down the minutes, a dozen devices in hand and at the ready, and it had been something short of a miracle, in all truth.

The website had crashed a couple times, my step-dad’s phone had died, and then my laptop had quickly followed. The dog had knocked over a freshly made brew and almost pissed itself. And then the postman had scared the absolute life out of us when he’d knocked on the front door.

So to say that we had all breathed in sudden relief when I’d loudly announced that I’d managed it, was a MASSIVE understatement.

Note. The worst part to seeing your favourite band live; Ticketmaster.

Even the thought of doing it again had me riddled with anxiety. I shivered involuntary, whether it was from the mere idea of it, or the cold, I’d never know.

But being stood here now, I was cursing myself for having been the one to officially bag the stupid things. I sighed inwardly, if only I wasn’t such a brilliant, caring and amazing older sister. But it was a hard life, I supposed.

“I’m so excited!” My sister, Rosie, squealed, drawing me from my thoughts. She’d gripped onto Tea’s arm in her sudden bout of elation, and the two shared a maddening grin. The other girl didn’t seem to mind the tight grip her best friend held, and so I figured it was probably down to the anticipation of it all- or the fact that it was still so bloody cold.

The thing about Rosie and Tea was, they had been as thick as thieves for as long as I could remember. There’d never been one without the other, and so it was sweet to see the pair looking so forward to something like this, something which they both shared such an obvious love for.

“I know!” Tea breathed dramatically, looking a little flushed, “I want to meet them so bad, it actually hurts.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes at the pair, in good fun of course, because they were both so adorably obsessed.

Oh, to be a teen again.

“You two are really looking forward to this,” I commented with a light chuckle, watching on as the two girls danced around happily in the small section we’d claimed. “I just don’t get it.”

Once those words had left my lips, I instantly regretted it. Having been met with the deathly glare of two teenage girls was not something I’d offer up to just anyone.

“Are you serious?” My sister outrightly demanded, staring up at me with a face of utter bewilderment. Scarily, she looked a lot like our mum in that moment. “They’re The 1975, Y/n. They’re- incredible! You must have heard at least one of their songs!”

Tea nodded her head alongside Rosie, bobbing up and down in agreement.

I simply shrugged at the pair of them, finding amusement in their infatuation. “Can’t say that I have, Ro.”

“But, Y/n/n, you love bands! Music in general- I’d bet my whole vinyl collection that you’ll love them too!” Rosie stressed, she then smiled brightly up at me when I merely quirked a brow in retort. I dug my hands deeper into my pockets.

“I like bands, yeah. Band’s like The Stone Roses, The Kooks, Joy Division… The type that make music for music’s sake, you know? Not the kind that strive to get on the top ten, babe.”

I shook my head fondly at the two.

This band they were so enamoured by were probably just as decent as they claimed, and I could admit that simply because, well, they’d have to be to have all these crazy fans gathered in one place. But they just weren’t my cup of tea.

Ooh, talking of tea, I was proper gagging for one. I’d yet to have my daily fix, and after having been rudely rushed out of my flat early this morning, I’d been unable to stop off at any sort of coffee shop on the way over in fear of losing a spot in line.

The two teens rolled their eyes at me, and my forehead pinched when my sister pulled out a pair of headphones and all but shoved them into my ears. “Look, just listen, okay?”

I reeled back in alarm, having not expected the sudden ambush. “Christ, Ro!” I exclaimed, but the girl only huffed at me before turning to press play on her phone. She gave me a stern look. I relented.

At first, I couldn’t hear anything but the slow intro to an unfamiliar song- even with the swarm of fans gathered around me. But I continued to listen, honing in on the tempo and its melody. And as the song went on, I begun to understand why so many people enjoyed it. The lyrics, although a bit out there and entertainingly vulgar at parts, were smart and witty, they fell with the instrumental perfectly and the singer’s voice was pretty different to what I’d first expected. It made me want to really listen, to follow along, to understand the backstory.

Honestly, they weren’t half as terrible as I’d first believed. And once the outro had faded out, I actually felt a little conflicted. The song obviously had a much deeper meaning to it, but its instrumental made it so lively and energetic that I’d found myself bobbing along almost subconsciously. It was something I could see myself getting lost in, and I wondered whether or not they’d made anything more raw, or emotional.

The songwriter was definitely talented, I couldn’t deny that, they’d had gone through some shit, and I found myself longing to read deeper into their words.

“They’re sick, right?”

The headphones being ripped out of my ears brought me back to the present and I blinked slowly at my sister’s question.

“Yeah.” I shrugged a shoulder, handing over the wire. “Yeah, they’re alright. Can sort of see why you two like them so much.”

I laughed to myself when the girls faces lit up.

“They’re amazing! And you’ll so enjoy this show- as well as the boys! They’re proper nice deep down, like really care about us as fans and all that.” Tea encouraged, seemingly quite happy that I hadn’t just gone and shit all over her favourite band.

“Yeah, they’re so lovely, Y/n!” Rosie added, eyes alive as she barrelled on to explain further, “There’s four of them, right? First, we have Adam, he plays the guitar mainly- blonde, tall, only one who’s started his own little family. And then there’s Ross and George-”

“Ross is on bass, long haired with a beard, whilst George plays the drums.” Tea weighed in, before Rosie was back to chattering away again.

I was honestly beginning to feel as though I was watching an extreme game of tennis with the way my attention kept batting back and forth between them.

“Tea’s obsessed with him.” Rosie felt the need to inform me, before her face immediately brightened, “Oh, and then there’s Matty of course!”

My sister was wearing one of the biggest grins I’d ever witnessed on any singular person and I snorted when Tea rolled her eyes and made a slight dig, “You can see who Ro’s claimed.”

“Hardy har.” Rosie deadpanned, jutting a light elbow into her friend’s side before she gave me a serious look, “I haven’t ‘claimed’ him. I just…”

“You just want to have his children. Yeah, I know, Rose. You never fail to not mention it.”

Rosie stuck her tongue out in retort whilst I tried to bite back my rising amusement when they continued to bicker. The two made a right pair.

“So, what’s this Matty like then?” I questioned, wanting to know a little bit more about the guy who’d caught my sister’s eye, but mainly just eager to poke a bit more fun at her. “Come on, what’s so great about him that you’ve gone and dubbed yourself a tribute to birth his prodigy spawn?”

The girls wrinkled their noses at me, Rosie’s upper lip curled in faint disgust. “Why’ve you gotta word it like that?” She scoffed, shaking her head at me.

I chuckled, shrugging a singular shoulder. “Because I live to annoy you. So, are you gonna tell me or do I have to ask about?”

I made the effort then to pretend as though I was about to disrupt the group behind us’s conversation, but the girls were quick to waylay me, jumping hastily to grab at my outstretched hand. I smirked.

“Stop it!” Rosie all but hissed, her worried eyes flicking back over towards the people beside us before falling on me again, this time they were slitted. “God, you’re so embarrassing.”

Me, embarrassing? Hah. She should be thankful that I knew when to stop. I could still vividly recall the days when my mum had attempted the same shit with me, except she’s the type to actually follow through, leaving her daughter to stand sheepishly behind her, internally cursing the day her mother had decided to forgo an abortion. Dark, yes, but I’d also been a hormonal fifteen year old girl, so sue me.

I rolled my eyes instead of voicing this though, knowing it would only go in one ear and out the other. And ultimately, my sister sighed allowing me to prompt her on further with the rise of my brows.

“Matty, he’s the frontman basically.” She said, back to talking with her hands, forgetting about the whole ordeal.

That made sense, I thought to myself, although I’d always been a drummer sort of girl. Helders, Taylor, Fleetwood, Bonham, Moretti… I could go on.

No honestly, I could, so I was just glad that Rosie chose that moment to stop me.

“He’s a proper performer, you know? Like he just belongs up there, on stage.” My sister breathed, and she wore the sweetest look of admiration on her face. “He’s got this mop of messy black curls and he’s covered in tattoos. Wears all this cool shit and he’s-”

“-also a bit of an arsehole.” Tea summarised for her, before Rosie could get too carried away.

I blinked at my sister’s best friend in surprise, before a loud laugh bubbled out of me.

In all the years I’d known this girl, this deceivingly sweet girl, not once- once, I stress!- had I ever heard something so shameless spill from out her mouth, and with the exasperated look she had paired with it, I couldn’t hold in my delight.

“Tea!” I exclaimed, and was so tickled to see the younger girl’s cheeks redden when she turned to give me a sheepish sort of smile. “How crass! I always thought it was Rosie who’d been the bad influence between the pair of you, but now I see quite a few secrets are coming to light tonight.”

Rosie snorted in reply, “She’s done worse. Trust me.”

Tea swatted at my sister’s arm upon hearing that, widening her eyes in a silent warning.

“Oh, come off it.” Rosie waved away with a roll of her eyes. “It’s just Y/n.”

I decided to leave off of the teasing, feeling a bit bad for embarrassing the younger girl. “Yeah, I’m just messing, lovie.” I told Tea with a soft smile as I draped an arm over her shoulders to draw her in for a hug. “You can relax, nothing that happens tonight will be getting back to your mum, alright?”

“Yeah, ‘cause we all know what she’s like.” Rosie tittered under her breath and I slapped lightly at her bicep to scold her. “What?” The girl exaggerated with a high-pitched drawl, rubbing at her arm with a narrowed eyed glare that was directed towards both Tea and I. “I was just saying! And what’s with you two and smacking me about today?”

Tea giggled and I squeezed her lightly before letting go.

“Don’t talk about things that have nothing to do with you.” I told my sister simply, “Freya’s a perfectly lovely woman, just a tad…”

“Insane?” Rosie offered, at the same time Tea said, “Extreme.”

“Eccentric- was what I was going to say.” I shook my head at the duo. “Honestly, the two of you.”

The girls only laughed.

The line started to move a little while later, slowly mind, but it was a progress I was grateful to see.

Anything to get out of this chilly wind in truth.

And as we waddled along, the two teens I was with continued to speak of the band, trying to catch me up on anything and everything I’d missed before the show officially started.

Not that it helped at all. I was beyond crap when it came to things like that- recalling anything trivial- I could hardly even remember the band’s actual name and it was plastered practically everywhere around me. As well as this big box thing.

I breathed out a loud sigh of relief when I realised that we were up next, and when we were signalled over towards the gates by one of the arenas guards I could see just how nervous Rosie and Tea had grown, giddy but mostly eager to just get inside. I couldn’t help the fond smile which limned my lips then, happy to see them so excited.

“You three.” A large man, branded in a security uniform, called, jerking his head over at us. I heard the girls take a deep breath as we approached and I quietly chuckled at them. “Tickets?” He stated.

Oh shit, yeah. The tickets.

“Tickets…” I murmured quietly to myself, patting down my pockets to find them, “Tickets, tickets, tickets…”

I could feel the apprehension radiating off of my younger sister as I continued to riffle around for the poxy things, and so I flashed the bloke a wry smile before I started to unload the contents of my jacket pockets into both Rosie and Tea’s hands...

Gum, house keys, a stray tampon. Pack of haribo (because you never knew when you’d need those), ID, bank card, phone, charger. A few spare pound coins-

Oh God, that was where my Argos receipt had got to! I could finally return that shitty Nespresso machine my cousin and her fiancé had talked me into buying now.

I grinned in quiet victory whilst tucking the slip into the back pocket of my trousers.

“Y/n.” My sister stressed out in a hushed whisper, I just simply waved her off.

“They’re here somewhere. I felt them like, twenty minutes ago.” I assured her and- “Aha, told you! Three tickets, all here!”

I wore a triumphant grin when I held out the wrinkled papers towards the guard, who appeared to have been throughly amused by my prolonged charade. He took them from me to scan with a toothy smile.

“Oh cheer up, we’ll be in there in a sec.” I huffed at the girls, tucking all of my belongings back into their rightful place. Rosie didn’t look too cheerful though, but I could see that Tea’s lips had started to twitch, so I have her a conspiratorial wink in turn. Then glanced back towards the bloke, “We all good here?”

“Yeah, all good, love.” He exhaled on a faint chuckle, waving us in through the barrier without further issue. “You girls enjoy your night.”

“We will!” I promised, gifting him a gleeful smile, “You too- hope you don’t have to spend too much longer out in that cold!”

He just nodded at me, still looking rather entertained by all our antics.

“So embarrassing.” My sister felt the need to reiterate as we wondered further into the arena, practically growling.

“Oh, loosen up, would you? He was proper nice about it all. Fit too, don’t you think?” I said, glancing back over my shoulder.

But Rosie just rolled her eyes at me. Fed up, I was about to bite back at her when Tea’s unexpected gasp broke us from our little quarrel.

“Oh my god. They have the limited edition LP!”

Rosie’s eyes widened dramatically and before I knew it the two were scurrying away from me and over towards the merch stand. I sighed to myself and glanced about, hoping to see a sign that would lead me to where the bar might be.

—

We were here. In the middle of a fucking mass of people, but we’d actually done it. We’d finally managed to swindle our way near the front of standing, practically touching the barriers, even after having loaded up on snacks and drinks- mine mostly alcoholic.

The girls were buzzing. Looking all cute and excited in the outfits they’d planned months in advance, singing along to the set that was playing through the speakers to keep the crowd entertained before things begun.

And me? I was getting swept up in the atmosphere. Unable to believe that I’d almost forgotten how good it all felt. Because live music was truly unmatched.

There was just something about the heavy thud you felt in your veins, how being this close to the amps could make your chest ache in the very best way, and how’d you’d have to scream just to be heard over all the noise whilst you got lost in an avalanche of happy people.

It really had been too long.

I was already a fair few drinks in by the time the opening act came out, and was chatting away to the couple crowded beside us. They were both a year older than me and studying down in Bournemouth. They’d bought their tickets off of a mate, who hadn’t been able to make it, on a whim when they’d had the cash to spare, and had decided to make a weekend out of it.

We’d actually only gotten to talking when they’d almost sloshed a canned cocktail all down my back.

I’d been startled at first, rightfully so, as this giant of a man had all but stumbled right into me, eyes as wide as saucers. His boyfriend had come to his rescue though, offered me up one in apology, and who would I have been to deny?

So I’d cracked it open, found myself pleasantly surprised by the taste, and one thing had quickly led to another and they’d ended up letting me share the bagged vodka they’d also managed to smuggle into the stadium in the bands of their socks.

To say that I’d been impressed wouldn’t have been a lie, I sort of felt like I’d found my people in truth. Because the price of alcohol at these kind of events was always extortionate. Practically daylight robbery, there was no other way about it.

And my bank account had taken quite the hit from the first trip to the stands alone. And with two teenage girls, who could care less about money unless it was their own, I’d almost wanted to shed a tear when I’d handed over my card to the boy behind the till- he’d sympathised with me, I’d seen it in his eyes as he wished us a good time.

So here I now was, pissing it up in the pit with a bunch of strangers, a medical bag full of spirits clutched tightly in one hand.

“Oh, God! Y/n, Y/n! It’s starting!”

I turned away from one of the boys to glance back towards my sister, who was staring up at the stage with this starry eyed expression, Tea was right beside her wearing the exact same face. I chuckled beneath my breath.

“You girls ever been to a show before?” Lewis, one half of the couple I’d met earlier, asked Rosie.

My sister shook her head at his question whilst the screens above us begun to distort and screams overwhelmed the arena. Lewis merely chuckled at Rosie's nonverbal reply, she only had eyes for the stage it seemed.

“It’s her first gig ever. She’s been dying to see these lot for years.” I answered for her, leaning in close so that he could hear.

I saw his eyebrows lift at the information before he was grinning against my ear. “She’ll never want to see anyone else after this!”

My forehead pinched, silently questioning his statement, but just laughed it off when a row of boxes flashed brightly above us.

Lewis and I separated on cue, just as the world around us hushed for a split second and the sudden intro of a loud guitar pierced the veil.

“Please welcome, my favourite band, The 1975!” A voice then announced and I looked up, right into the eyes of a man who’d seemingly taken claim of the stage.

His smile was wide, unmatched, as he pranced up and down the front, his hair a mess of curls as a set of drums picked up the pace of the opening beat. I had to be reminded to close my gawping mouth.

Who the fuck’s that?

And I must’ve said it out loud, because I heard Lewis snort obnoxiously from right beside me, continuing to sing away whilst the girls immediately turned towards me to shout, “Matty!”

Shockingly, their loud exclamation also managed to garner the attention of the man himself when he danced by, and I watched on as the dark-haired frontman smiled down at Rosie and Tea. Waving hello.

I was caught by utter surprise when I then found myself trapped in his heady gaze, still giggling away at the girls' hysterical reactions.

Okay. Before I continue on, I truly am putting this all down to the alcohol that was streaming through my system, because it was then that Matty appeared to pause before me for the briefest of moments.

And I didn’t dare look away. I couldn’t.

He smirked down at me, eyes so observant, and I found myself shaking my head at him with a smile of my own. But sadly he only left me with a sly wink as he traipsed away to sing out into the rest of the audience.

Rosie and Tea had squealed beside me, excited to have captured the singer's focus, whilst I tried to catch my breath.

The show continued on after that and I allowed myself to relax and get lost in the people, their heat, the music. I danced, the girls and I swayed, twirling about, Lewis and I laughed, and I even managed to sing along to a couple of songs I sort of recognised.

The current one came to an end though soon enough, and Rosie informed me with a glossy eyed smile and smudged liner that the last song was fast approaching, whilst Tea just pulled out her phone to record again.

I nodded at my sister, squeezing her close before she pivoted away back towards her best mate, leaving me to sip at the drink I’d been trying not to spill all down myself due to the constant shoving and pushing.

Minutes went by and Matty engaged with the burly bloke on bass- whose hair I found I’d rather like to touch (because honestly, how did he get it so glossy?). Before he continued on, pointing out signs here and there, and sparking up another massive round of cheers by vocalising the inner workings of his mind, which was something he supposedly did quite often. Enough for the rest of the band to begin playing again only to shut him up. That had made me giggle.

Dozens of faces passed over the main screen, most of them beaming, or crying, there wasn’t much of an inbetween. And Matty interacted with them all, grinning and joking in such a way that only screamed sincerity.

The shouts around us only started to double then when he made his way over to our section, and even my own heartbeat sped up as I watched his eyes drag over the absurdly large crowd. He was unfairly attractive, okay? I could easily see why my sister had taken such a shine to him.

He was smiling and my pulse stuttered then stopped altogether when Matty paused right by us, to look me directly in the eye, his eyebrows drawn tightly together.

“Alright, darling? Having a good night?” He quizzed me, the sudden weight of his attention making me jump even though the surrounding screams had yet to cease. “What’s in the bag?”

I glanced down at the liquid filled bag I was still holding, gaze drifting to Lewis for a split second before it darted back up towards the singer. “Vodka.” I told him before I could think better of it.

The sound Matty produced then was almost inhuman and I was actually quite proud of myself for having been the cause of it.

“Definitely snuck that in.” He accused, quieter this time around and with a growing smile. The audience laughed.

Rosie and Tea spun around to face me, huge smiles threatening to split their faces in half, as my brows pinched.

“Way to out me to an entire arena!” I instantly called back, ducking slightly to avoid the eyes of the hefty security man stood on the other side of the barricade. Matty’s cackle echoed out around me, coming from all directions.

“Oi, mate! Escort her out, will you?” Matty ordered, nodding down at the same man I’d previously noticed. “Ruining it for everyone.”

I gaped, eyes widening in sudden alarm whilst he just shook his head at me, feigning disappointment.

Thankfully though the singer was quick to go back on his word, waving the guard (who had actually begun to MOVE) off with a sway of his hand and a thoroughly amused grin.

Fuck, this man was really going to be the death of me, I thought.

I willed my racing heart to slow.

“I’m just joking, love.” Matty reassured me, eyes twinkling under the array of lights. “Spotted you a couple times tonight, actually. Like to stand out, don’t you?”

It didn’t sound like much of a question.

“Might do.”

I could physically feel my brain struggling to make my mouth cooperate, and I figured I might’ve drunk a tad too much, because I usually wasn’t this tactless. Which was how I managed to surprise even myself with the next sentence I fired back.

“Or maybe it’s just you.”

“Just me?” Matty queried with a tilt of his head, and he squatted down then, bouncing on the balls of his feet for a moment before he took perch on the side of the stage. “What do you mean?”

“You’re the one who spotted me.” I retorted with a smug smile, raising my voice to be heard. “I’m just one face in a thousand. Nothing I did.”

He hummed, mouth quirked to one side. “So this is all on me then?”

I shrugged casually, but my mind was reeling.

Matty laughed before he motioned me closer. “Here’re.” He prompted, jutting his chin out and willing the crowd to woefully part. “Come on, let her through. Let her through.”

I frowned but did as I was told, slipping my way past the few who had actually managed to claim the metal fence before us, quirking a confused brow up at him.

He towered above me, even from where he was seated on the stage, and I willed back my shock when he proceeded to jump down from off his perch and approach me. My heart hammered and a lump formed in my throat.

“Have you got a favourite song of ours?” He asked and I actually felt how embarrassed I must have looked in that moment, gifting the singer a sheepish smile before I quietly informed him that I didn't have one.

His head jerked back, “What do you mean, you don’t have one?”

The sudden crow of Rosie's voice sounded above the rest of the buzzing noise then and I was unsure on whether or not to be grateful for it.

“She’d never heard any of them before tonight!”

I grimaced slightly from behind the hand that had come up to hide my face, silently hoping for the ground to just open up and swallow me whole. I could feel the heat radiating in my cheeks and the tips of my ears, knowing full well that Tea was definitely recording every inch of this mortifying moment.

“Oh, so we have a fake fan within our midsts?” Matty voiced and it was full of mirth, he found pleasure in his teasing.

A soft brush touched my skin and before I even knew what was occurring my hand was being pried away from my flushed cheeks by the singer himself, who looked me dead in the eye and had the utter nerve to wear the most devastating grin.

“Is this all part of your plan? Lure me in and then break my heart. How’re you at my gig, after never having heard a single one of our songs?”

“I’ve heard a few!”

But my attempt to defend myself was waylaid, it seemed Matty had other ideas.

The frontman nodded over towards Rosie, who blanched under his gaze. “Go on. Tell me more. What’s her motive here?”

I watched on as Tea nudged my younger sister into talking, Rosie too shellshocked to remember that she had the biggest gob I’d known to man.

“Um,” My sister startled, blinking away before she took a deep breath, “I dragged her along tonight. Me and my friend, we’re huge fans!”

“Lovely to meet you. Glad you could make it- only wish you’d made a listener out of this one beforehand!”

“We’ve tried!” Rosie exclaimed with an exasperated sigh that had me rolling my eyes. It appeared as though she'd reverted back to her usual self, despite being under the gaze of her favourite person in the entire world. Yes, you could be assured that that was an actual quote.

“Oh it’s like that is it?” Matty asked, peering down at me. I couldn’t tear my gaze away, his brown eyes smudged with kohl making them that much more enticing.

His attention differed then, flitting back towards my sister.

“She seemed to be enjoying the set whenever I looked over though, so what happened?”

“She’s stubborn!” Rosie shouted back, and I could hear her muffled laughter through the crowd, probably upon seeing me so put out.

“Stubborn, are we?” Matty smirked, and his lips were by my ear before I knew any better, his mic long forgotten. “I like a challenge.”

And then he was gone, back to wooing the crowd and making the most of having all this attention.

I let myself slip back into the seams, breathing heavily as my sister and Tea joggled me about, Lewis and his boyfriend beaming madly from ear to ear. I tried to focus.

What had just happened?

Part Two>

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gojooooo · 4 months

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yuuji’s flashback of wasuke telling him to help others since he’s strong at the beginning of ep17 cutting to sukuna is so good AGHHHH. first of all because sukuna getting glimpses of yuji’s life before him is. certainly something <3 and then because the idea that sukuna was seeing that flashback… and he looked so pensive because he was like “ha so that’s why the brat is so stubborn with his altruism” and that was the moment he fully understood that yuuji could never have been the perfect vessel with those pathetic human emotions holding him back/making it harder for sukuna to emotionally take over (he already knew he had them, but he understood why and how dearly he clings to them). his strong attachment to his ideals is the perfect opposite to sukuna’s own determination, but his goal was to take over his vessel completely, and yin and yang don’t mix. we see characters have fun while fighting against villains or against the strongest, summoning powerful shikigami, finding out just how strong they can be during battle etc. which can be seen as a selfish trait, because what they’re feeling is self satisfaction which is a human trait, part of human’s nature but not the ideal of humanity (kind of like the seven deathly sins? am i making sense here?) and i think that yuuji represents that ideal which is what sukuna and every other ancient sorcerer consider to be limiting. yuuji doesn’t have fun while fighting, he’s always wearing his pain on his face and his fists. he fights to defend, to protect, to avenge… basically he’s always fighting for others. out of love (another big theme) but love for others, never self love. he never indulges in self satisfaction. and i think that sukuna wants him to let go and have a laugh while fighting, to say fuck it, life sucks, but i’m literally so strong and it’s euphoric; but there’s only pain. because if you think about it when they initially sparred in sukuna’s domain yuuji was annoyed but playful and sukuna was always smirking and having fun but at the time yuuji was also too weak to be interesting because he was only starting to learn about jujutsu so he was boring and predictable to sukuna, though the potential was there and sukuna saw it. right now instead yuuji is stronger and could be entertaining if he fought in the right state of mind but he’s blinded by his feelings and can’t free himself from that burden and fight without a heavy heart. and to circle back to the beginning of my rant and shibuya [putting my shipping lens on here] there have been attempts from sukuna to tone down the altruism that yuuji feels compelled to take to the extreme to avoid yuuji ending up sacrificing himself for others (because now that he set him free he also can’t protect and heal him if anything happens to him. love is bittersweet!) idk man idk. in conclusion i want them to learn from each other but without ever changing who they are because that’s what two pieces of a puzzle that fit together are baby! and i want a fight where they’re both grinning so wide we mistake it for their first dance at their wedding

#allow me that self indulgent yin and yang metaphor please #no i’m not obsessed with the miserable condition of being human why would you think that #sukuita #my post

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jesterpunk · 2 months

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yo a they/it agender ex-tittitian? im kinda in the same boat (also they/it agender), as in, dont exactly know how to feel about my physical appearance (i dont mind it, but i still wonder). Makes me curious, dya regret the surgery? or is it more like a general grievance? akin to a loss

hell yeah !! def don't regret the surgery but definitely still feel a loss or grievance. I'm gonna reuse a half on an answer I sent someone else privately:

I miss having them. I see non-binary transition and being agender to be a messy and imperfect process. there's no guidebook for us for how to look, we are just given the checklists our trans men and women counterparts tend to be given (facial hair? breasts? low voice? softer skin?) and we pick and choose which aspects we like and dislike.. a binary choice for each option.

you and I don't have a binary way to answer, "do you want breasts?" somedays it's yes. somedays it's no. I decided to go with No by default but yes when I wanna put on my breast forms, as opposed to the other way around. you don't have to do the same as me. I don't regret it at all, but I do miss my tits and I am still grieving them. it's a lot to lose a part of you but it's also euphoric being able to present in a way I was never able to before .

and specifically about being agender and how that affected my decision:

two things I was sure of for myself regarding my chest: I didn't want a reduction (I liked being stacked and since my booty isn't that thick I liked the disproportion) and if I got the surgery I did not wanna keep my nipples (I didn't want a """"male"""" chest, I wanted a freak chest) and as U know, I went with the latter. I am agender, and I really love showing as much as possible that I'm not a man or woman, so even if my scars eventually fade, the flat nippleless chest is such a blatantly genderless move, that I'm really happy about choosing.

my biggest take away as an agender person is that there's no right decision. There doesn't need to be a decision and it doesn't need to be right or logical, so I went for it knowing my body isn't what makes my gender to begin with or end with. at the end of the day, idk how I feel about my body either, but I thought I looked hot in a crop top when I had DDs and I still think I look hot in a crop top with a smooth flat chest, so in that sense, you win some, you win some 😎

(same shirt before & after)

#gender ask #watermelon-swag

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sleepisaturn · 2 years

Text

right where you left me

PAIRING—steve rogers x avenger!fem!reader

SUMMARY—Steve finally askes you out for a dinner date but as you sat patiently at the restaurant, where was Steve?

WARNINGS—angst, steve being a jerk, no happy ending, kinda more focused on reader

A/N—idk if this is considered a song fic but some of the lyrics of Taylor's song is written in-between paragraphs so...

part 2 still a wip!

Matches burn after the other

Pages turn and stick to each other

Wages earned and lessons learned

But I, I'm right where you left me

The warm lights of the restaurant were supposed to make you feel cozy but contrary to what you were feeling, you felt anxious, nervous and everything all at once. It's been more than thirty minutes and Steve was still nowhere to be found. The agreed time was 7 pm and it's already close to 7:40. The slow pouring rain made your situation much more gloomy.

The anxiousness became worse as more minutes passed, Steve wasn't answering any of your texts or any of your calls. Your breathing got heavy as you clasped your hands together trying to keep your cool, deep down you were feeling scared that something bad happened to Steve. You didn't think much about what people might think of you at the moment, a beautiful woman who's sitting miserably at a cozy restaurant; alone. All you could think about is—where's Steve?

Help, I'm still at the restaurant

Still sitting in a corner I haunt

Cross-legged in the dim light

They say, "What a sad sight"

It was supposed to be a fantastic night for you because finally your long time crush Steve Rogers, Captain America finally asked you out on a date though from everyone's perspective you were totally in love with the man. You wouldn't deny that, you fought with him, bled for him and almost sacrificed everything you had for him. It was obvious but maybe not to him. You are undeniably, truly, completely and unconditionally in love with him.

You're a beautiful woman, that's what you believed but it did catch you off-guard that Steve suddenly asked you out on a date. Who wouldn't? But you've been his friend for years and you believed for the longest time Steve was always gonna love one woman and that being the one and only Peggy Carter or maybe his actual ex-girlfriend who he broke up with almost a year ago, his first love's niece, the impressive and beautiful agent Sharon Carter.

You felt pure euphoric happiness and countless butterflies danced in your stomach, it felt like a million fireworks erupted in your heart when Steve decided to ask you out. You remembered every part of that day, that night—that second that he dropped the ball and asked you the million dollar question like it was yesterday, well it was actually yesterday.

[ flashback ]

" report's suck don't they? "

" and here I thought being Captain America would excuse me from the paperwork " Steve chuckled as you sat beside him with your own reports.

" oh please your hobby is reading reports "

" I never said I liked writing them "

" well I guess were the only responsible ones here seeing as you have Natasha's pile and I have Tony's "

" more time to spend with me " Steve smirked as you breath a nervous laugh as his words caught you off-guard

" my, my Captain America being cocky? "

" don't deny it, you love my company sweetheart " Steve responds as he confidently holds your chin between his pointer finger and thumb, tilting it slightly as he makes you look at his breathtaking blue eyes. Your breath hitched momentarily.

You scoffed, turning away from him not believing Steve was actually being flirty with you.

" oh yes because everybody's dying for your presence, Oh? Mr. Rogers, would you please sign my chest? " You asked while doing a slightly higher pitched voice, you didn't want to make Steve think he can just play with you. You played along with his flirty antics as you suddenly opened your jacket making Steve choke on air which was your plan. You weren't wearing a revealing top but the action definitely caught Steve off-guard.

You laughed like an old man, having difficulty breathing as you laughed at the expression Steve did after your little stunt, his red face made you laugh uncontrollably and made you a coughing mess.

" you're not gonna win whatever game you're playing Rogers " You said as you went back to your reports, calming yourself from the laughing while Steve coughed to catch your attention once more.

" What if I wasn't playing a game? "

" Then what's with the random flirting Captain? planning on trying those moves on someone? "

" yes actually, you " He replies with no hesitation, you would've laughed if it wasn't for the serious expression he wore.

" —would you give me the honor of taking you out on a dinner date? " Steve continued as you fell silent, internally you were screaming and your heart immediately beat faster than normal as his words found your ears.

" Yes ... YES! of course " You reply with a smile, and seeing the wide grin on his face made you blush madly.

I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop

Right when I felt the moment stop

Glass shattered on the white cloth

Everybody moved on

I, I stayed there

Dust collected on my pinned-up hair

You catch yourself smiling as you remember the events of yesterday's evening. You reminisced the comfortable silence that happened after, wide grins as the two of you did reports you didn't want to but the worst news came as you opened your phone that had a notification from Natasha. You smiled momentarily as you saw her name flash on the lock screen but your face fell immediately as you read the words she sent.

she's back

Those words made your legs feel weak as more anxiety filled your mind and your heart felt like it was slowly being chipped away by the tools used in carving stones.

please tell me it's not who I think it is

yup, Sharon's back and she went to Steve like she did nothing!

is Steve with her?

You hesitantly typed, scared of what the answer to the questions that naturally floated in your head might be. Different thoughts came to mind but you didn't want to judge Steve, he would never ditch you for his ex, not without informing you first in case he did. Wouldn't he?

Yeah ... He's with her, I'm sorry

Natasha answered, making you shut your eyes hoping everything was a dream and that the special blue dress you wore wasn't for nothing. Your eyes felt teary just as a waiter went to you asking if you needed assistance in which you replied with one bottle of wine, please. You hoped that maybe Steve would come to you after he talked to Sharon, that is if that's the only thing he was doing with her. That tiny hope ran out as you've realized you've been sitting at the cozy, warm restaurant alone and pathetically for three hours straight, you've finished the red wine long ago. Now, you just sat quietly and glanced outside where the rain stopped and the streets shined as the countless puddles reflected the street lights and shop signs.

You stayed there until the staff had to ask you to leave unless you actually ordered a meal but you didn't have the stomach to eat anything as you were just ditched by Steve, Steve the golden boy just ditched you for his bitch of an ex-girlfriend without even telling anything.

Right where you left me

You left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

You left me, you left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

You hailed a cab quickly after exiting the restaurant, you couldn't just walk in your state. You weren't drunk but you were probably tipsy enough to trip over nothing. The elderly cab driver dropped you off in front of the tower. You held your heels in one hand and your coat hanging loosely on your shoulders. The guard immediately let you in as he recognized you. You were sadly met by nobody inside the compound as you entered, not Steve—nobody. You knew Natasha went out for her nightly jog while the others you thought were just busy doing their own stuff.

You contemplated whether or not you'll confront Steve tonight. A couple minutes passed as you sat on the couch of the living area of the tower, your thoughts consuming you as you sat silently.

With a huff of a breath you stood up, shrugging your coat as you walked barefoot on the cold floor of the tower. You pressed the fifth floor where Steve's room is located, the ding of the elevator distracted you from your thoughts.

At the restaurant, when I was still the one you want

Cross-legged in the dim light, everything was just right

I, I could feel the mascara run

You told me that you met someone

The sound of your heart shattering was all you could hear as you watched the view In front of you—Steve and Sharon fricking Carter making out. Steve was kissing Sharon Infront of his door as she was about to leave when he heard the elevator open and there you stand, looking gorgeous in a silk blue dress. You stood pathetically in a blue dress that you wore for what would've been your date with Steve but instead you see him kissing another woman.

You momentarily spaced out, you didn't know what happened after but suddenly Steve was Infront of you and Sharon was nowhere to be found.

" Y/N! " Your eyes snap to Steve as they were previously gazing on the floor.

" So yesterday was really just a game huh? " You asked with a laugh even as your heart broke more that it already was, even if you knew that it was Sharon who owned his heart. You confidently looked at him straight in the eyes with your teary ones.

" Y/N I—Sharon was just here and she wanted to get back together and to be honest I still kinda have feelings for ... her " Steve tried to explain, failing as he saw the disappointment on your face, he knew it was an asshole move to ditch you but Sharon just knew how to keep him from leaving, to pull him back into their own little world.

He did genuinely like you, he did but Sharon made him think that she's the one, the only woman who'll truly make him happy and he stupidly believed that. His mind desperately believed Sharon and him were meant to be, that the break up was just a test on their relationship even as his heart silently shouted your name. He just didn't see how perfect you were for him.

" of course, it's always going to be her, she's perfect—she's a Carter after all " You brokenly said, sadness and jealousy evident in your voice. A bitter tone encasing your words as you felt rage.

" I liked you , I really do, you're a beautiful woman but Sharon is just ... and you’ll find someone better than me " Steve said while trying to hold your hand but you turned away completely giving him a cold shoulder.

" I understand perfectly Steve, you owe me no loyalty and that's okay—I guess I just expected more from you " your voice low as all your disappointment and heartbreak was put into words.

" No, i-its, I know that was not respectful of me to just leave you hanging and ditching our date but Sharon was just suddenly here and then she just kissed me and I—I caved, look I know this looks bad but— "

" Again, it's my mistake to have high expectations and if you'll excuse me I had a whole bottle of wine so I feel a bit sleepy, goodnight Steven " You replied as you quickly turned away from him and wiped the tears that threatened to fall.

“ Y/N … shit “ you heard Steve mutter as you entered the elevator but you ignored his words as you felt so close to breaking down, maybe you fell for him more than you realized as you felt like your heart was shattered to a thousand pieces.

I'm right where you left me

You left me no, oh, you left me no

You left me no choice but to stay here forever

You quickly walked out on Steve, the elevator ride felt like forever and as you unlocked your room you immediately dropped down on the floor. A deep sigh came out of your lips as you rested your head on the large metal door of your room, tears immediately escaping your eyes.

" how could I be so stupid!? God! , you just had to fall in love with someone like him huh? yes, how could little ol' me be ever good enough for the great Captain America, Sharon’s just perfect so—perfect and she’s beautiful ... she's gorgeous "

" How could Steve not love her? "

You talked to yourself hoping Steve wouldn't hear it with his super hearing ability. You sat and stared at the ceiling questioning how stupid it was to actually think Steve was a perfect guy, well not perfect but you at least expected that he wasn't a jerk like the other guy's you've dated.

You didn't know how long you stayed on the floor crying as you felt intense heartbreak, ironic that he wasn't even yours to lose, but you stayed there crying your heart out—probably longer than the time you spent waiting at the restaurant.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x f!reader #steve rogers x female reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x avenger!reader #steve rogers x fem!reader #steve rogers fic #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers story #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers #captain america x female reader #captain america x reader #steve rogers angst #saturn writes #sleepisaturn

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lizzaneia-elizalde · 2 months

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who among your ocs has the worst and when i say worse, the absolute terror and flaming hot jealousy issues? Like idk, top 3 maybe? and who are the top 3 who can handle their jealousy pretty well, but still jealous?

Top 3 yandere men (my OCs) when it comes to jealousy

By the way, happy Valentines day everyone! (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡

New to my blog? Check out these jealous men's fics by clicking their names!

Yandere men set 1

Top 3: Damon So, with Damon, we got a glimpse of how he is when it comes to jealousy, right? He had this maniacal, almost serial killer vibes as he killed Jupiter. Alongside with martial artist!Darling and the person darling got too close with. His himbo persona is just a front after all. He's genuinely a scary man who's full on intent on making sure you and everybody else doesn't know of his... Tendencies. So, the more you don't know about Damon, the more of a danger he is to society. So be wise, don't make him jealous, and don't fuck it up.

Top 2: Ignatius He wants your attention all to himself. He wants to hog it, and never let go. If you forgot, he killed off half his crewmates and yours because he absolutely hated it when your attention isn't on him. It wasn't with remorse too, he just straight up made them poisoned pie without hiding the fact. Yet, he's too good of an actor that the police didn't even suspect him. He wants you only for him.

Top 1: Hades When I made Hades, he and Rowan were based on two of the seven deadly sins, with Rowan being Greed and Hades being Envy. Envy and jealousy may not be the same, but they are interconnected, woven from the same thread. And Hades is envy incarnate, and in return, jealous incarnate. It may not be prevalent, but it's what his character is supposed to be, to the point that he suspected even his own men of wanting your love and torturing them.

I genuinely didn't expect top 2 and top 3, but while I was debating to myself about my yan OCs, it felt right having them there LMAO.

Yandere men set 2 (as of Feb 14)

Top 3: Alpheus Alpheus, a man who never felt emotions nor feelings, would be clumsy at handling this newfound feelings. Meaning, he doesn't know how to reel in his actions that are now smeared with emotions. And he probably will not, since the fresh feeling of finally being able to feel was too euphoric to pass up on. So you bet your ass this man will be extremely jealous of all the people who you will talk to.

Top 2: Aeron One of this man's triggers to become the demon king was you not remembering him due to helping people other than him. He also went out of his way to corrupt the fae ring into a binding engagement ring to make sure you will never, ever take it off. So if you think about it, his overdramatic ass moaning about how you didn't remember him and being blinded by his jealousy made him from a Great Hero to the Demon King. SMH.

Top 1: Yuta This man, once revered as the greatest prosecutor, became a serial killer, just because he's jealous that your attention was focused on the mafia bosses (Rowan and Hades) your initial case had! And now, he's smiling like the damn perfect man he is because your attention is back to him. Although, I wouldn't put it pass him to not get jealous of his own serial killer persona too lol.

Okay. This one I somehow expected except for Alpheus. I was thinking of Uno, but no, the man is too secure and overconfident of his own charm to be that level of jealous. Also Viper and Orion, but no. They're not on the same level as these guys.

All in all

Top 3: Aeron

Top 2: Hades

Top 1: Yuta

"Why Yuta and not Hades?"

Honestly, their positions are interchangable. But the reason why Yuta is in number one is due to their background and nature, and not their jealousy level (I know, sounds not right, but I swear I have a reason.)

Hades is envy incarnate, also jealousy. That made his character explainable as to why he has pretty high jealousy levels. He's also a bad guy, a man that crosses with the law.

But Yuta? Yuta is a prosecutor. A man of the law, somebody who upholds it and makes sure all those who opposes meet a fate behind bars. So what happens if he becames thoroughly jealous to the point that he's willing to become the enemy he swore to never be in front of lady justice just because? It's a juxtaposition, and honestly the best option. It goes against his supposed to be morals! (Thanks to 🌼anon for giving me the idea for Yuta! Yuta wouldn't be here w/o them!)

#lizzaneiaelizalde #yandere writing #yandere imagines #tw yandere #yandere male #yandere boyfriend #male yandere x reader #yandere x darling #yandere x you #yandere fic

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kaiasky · 4 months

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What was your salvia experience like?

Interesting. Drug talk under the cut.

I wouldn't recommend salvia w/o like, considering if it is Right For You, because I know a number of people who've had absolutely abysmal times with it, even when done in good conditions. That said, I personally really enjoyed it and never had a bad experience with it the ~10 times I did it (usually a few trips per night). I stopped doing it for the same "hmm, I feel like my beliefs are getting disconnected from reality and I don't want to continue that" reason I stopped doing other drugs.

I'm going to paste some shit that i wrote after the first time i did salvia, because i think it's really funny how unhelpful it is, and then I'll try and explain those more. This was written October 2021 after a night of taking hits of 5x concentrated salvia, and as you'll be able to tell i was fully in the swing of Narrative Bullshit:

---

I'm not a fan of smoking any drug but. salvia smoke is hot and sucks. [AN: would highly recommend a bubbler of medium size to cool down the smoke.]

It's not a particularly euphoric high, so it definitely feels like it could be bad if you have bad trips. I think the easy way to think of it is, it's basically whippits but for ur brain instead of ur body. [AN: e.g, disassociative feelings]

The body high is a heavy feeling--you could move your body if you had to, but why would you? wouldn't it be better to drift away? It's pretty easy to trip kill by moving a bit. Touch, motion keeps you grounded, so if you want to come down you just wiggle your fingers, touch the world around you. if you want to get high you get comfy and relax. It feels pretty controllable, like I've pulled the ripcord a few times when I wanted the feelings to chill out a bit, which is pretty nice (compared to like acid you can't "get normal" at will, and why I don't think lighter doses would particularly need/benefit from tripsitting. Bear in mind that this may not be a universal experience idk)

[AN: Borderline effects: hands shaking, colors look flat, a strong urge to sit down and close your eyes. When I tried taking a dose and then keeping my eyes open, I just felt kinda weird and uncomfortable for a minute.]

[AN: with eyes closed:] Geometry folds in on itself and a strong feeling of being pulled sideways or backwards, wheeling around, or your body sorta smearing away from you.

Alright. we gotta talk about the clowns. Clowns and other circus performers do make an appearance, as advertised, but classy clowns, not scary ones. I think that's why people in trip reports call them jesters, but it's definitely a circus vibe imo. I don't really know why but like. it feels deeply correct that this is the clown drug. I know that sounds fucking stupid.

The feeling is very much about performing and interstitial states, and verbs being the base thing of existence (like. Normally you can have man, and you can have a man running. But what if instead, you could have "running" and "a man running" but not really "a man" without a verb) That's why clowns are so good because they highlight that existence is performance that "to be" is a verb with many layers. To be a clown (noun) is indistinguishable from clownery (verb).

If don't particularly approve of the gender politics of salvia.

Very common to feel like "oh I need to tell xyz" but multiple layers of people who need to be told things. (I need to tell yall about telling the narrator about telling the wind about the eternal farmers I saw, spinning their merry way around the field of the universe).

Sensory experiences feeling fresh and new. The comedown is full of feeling sensory things and thinking "I was maybe put on earth to think about touching carpet, this is what I am for, born anew as I am now, to explore the carpet and to tell myself about the experience of touching the carpet. And to tell myself a story about how I was put on earth to touch carpet."

Acid music isn't as good, it just feels so complicated that my brain tuned it out. I think simple music that carries you along narratively is what you want--soundtrack music and stuff.

Obviously like. These are impossible to separate from what I expect of salvia and who I am as a person so take with a heavy grain of salt. Narrativizing myself is a very me thing, clowns is something I read online to expect.

---

So yeah. I think the biggest effect was feeling "lost" from myself and getting totally engrossed in what felt like many layers of a story. As an example like, I see a book unfolding and the pages start telling me a story of a fisherwoman on a lake, and she gazes into the lake and sees a delinquent teen smoking on a park bench, and the teen dreams of a giant switchboard that's alive. and the giant switchboard feels something grand and incredible and it [me] wants to hold onto it. we need to tell this to our husband when we get home from fishing--no wait, our friends at high school--no wait, who are we again??

It is definitely less euphoric than a serotonin psychedelic. As a baseline I'm uncontrollably euphoric on acid, and the pervading emotion of salvia for me was a kind of beautiful, contemplative melancholy. the dark souls of drugs, thematically. I would expect that if you're baseline less-of-a-happy-camper on other psychedelics then salvia might just be extremely unpleasant without the beauty or contemplation feelings.

Physically, it was a mix between stunningly pleasant and strikingly uncomfortable. The feeling of 'getting pulled apart' or 'reality flipping inside out' can be extremely weird and off-putting OR kinda exhilarating, but I liked the heavy relaxed feeling a lot.

The visuals salvia were really interesting to me. They're less detailed and pattern-y than a classical psychedelic (less whirling patterns and fractals) and more dreamlike. A lot of soaring over a landscape, or drastic changes of scale. It felt like I could control them the same way you might be able to lucid dream, by making 'suggestions' that my brain could run with. "We're zooming down endless green hills [conscious thought: but what's that? a castle on the horizon?!] we zoom into the castle, across it's countless parapets and towers, and into..."

(I'm happy to expand on anything or answer further questions, etc.)

---

as a final part i will paste excerpts from things i have written about salvia experiences, shortly after having them:

I met the embodiment of capitalism it was offices and piers and shipping containers that formed into a face on a throne. the ground dropped away from me and I started falling/being drawn toward the face. my body was spinning but my sight was unchanging and locked on the shifting face. and I started to get pulled apart and turned into components but then my headphones said "low battery" so I lost the vision.

Then I saw like a really cool anime opening for a mech anime where mech was being assembled in orbit. pieces snapped together like magnets and hovered a few mm apart like superconducting magnets levitating. it was cool

hilbert curve dandelions. also i owned a haunted fungal mansion in the dandelion dimension but I couldn't find it. too many dandelions.

I was the primordial sports ball. like if u imagine every sentence you could write about sports it is essentially the same. the goalie blocks the shot. the hockey player slaps the puck. the archer looses the arrow. they're all subcases of the primordial sentence "the [sportsman] [triumphs upon] [the sportsball]" (we must accept that salvia as it exists in my head is a very jungian-by-way-of-jordan-peterson drug and move on. im working on it dw). U might think that it is impossible to be the sportsball but think of sentences like "the safety tackles the running back". sometimes you can slide into being the sportsobject even if you are a person. and that's what I did. i one-electron-theoried the entire narrative space of sportsball.

#kaia.mypost #drugs

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