#idk. will look into it

[trans-axolotl]

have not left bed today + found out another friend got locked up + want to beat up every single adult that saw what was happening to me and looked away or actively made it worse

#personal #vent #suicide mention tw #i need to call her. last time we talked she said she was going to kill herself if she got incarcerated again #i love her. nothing makes me more angry at so many systems than trying to do suicide support with my friends who are locked up #trying to do this shit over the phone with people listening in. trying to figure out what meaningful support we can even give #because when she says that death is better than months of solitary i know exactly how she feels and what she means and i cannot fucking #most of the skills mainstream peer support has ever taught me are useless in that situation and my best is not enough #there are so many places that need to be burnt down. #there are so many people i love who are not out and it starts to kill me a little bit #and cops are starting to fuck with us here more. i've gotten bruised up a couple times from being shoved around #nothing too bad yet but just #jesus christ #sorry for coming on here to vent all the time but my offline life is a little crazy at the moment and half this shit i can't talk about irl #i honestly think i need to like. start learning how to fight properly again. bc i have so much anger right now #and learning how to actually fight sounds like a better idea then fucking off and getting into random fights like i used to #idk. will look into it

[mudanonaito]

#Dungeon Meshi #Delicious In Dungeon #dungeonmeshiedit #senshi #dmgifs #mygifs #this was so funny to me jdsaghjsdhg idk why #this is exactly how i look waiting for my water to boil when im cooking #500 #1k #5k #10k

[saracastically]

now she’s all ready for spooky season—are you? 🌕🐺

#animation #werewolf #artists on tumblr #procreate #idk WHY i had to paint in every single frame in procreate and also in parts #bc the layering meant i hit max layers and had to flatten as i cleaned #but the end result is ok and i could do it on the couch ig #looking forward to their new app! #art

[variksel]

i hate you ai art i hate you "unalive" i hate you youtube premium i hate you twitter 8$ checkmark i hate you nfts i hate you therapy app advertisements i hate you non-chronological timelines i hate you instagram reels i hate you subtle tiktok filters that cant be turned off i hate you family bloggers i hate you ads on true crime episodes i hate you facebook i hate you vr glasses on chickens i hate you dystopian social media

#sorry but genuinely sometimes i feel like we live in a fucking dystopia #i get ads of chat bots designed to look like cute girls who will listen to your problems and it. god #its so unbelievably strange in some indescribable way #how am i supposed to explain that the word unalive makes me want to tear my hair out #vent #rant #idk

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[cordspaghetti]

landscaping consultation 🌿

#just a little scene i have been imagining idk #got crazy looking at kitchen images #x #digital art #bslc

[bizarrelittlemew]

Are you frustrated you can't leave second kudos on AO3? or third kudos? or whatever-who's-counting kudos?

Well, have I got the html for you!

Plop any of these in a comment (by copy&pasting the code) to make an author's day and show your appreciation!

Second kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/tHMjbb6/second-kudos.png" alt="second kudos">

Third kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/52bggQH/third-kudos.png" alt="third kudos">

nth kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/6y7qGtC/nth-kudos.png" alt="nth kudos">

yet another kudos: <img src="https://i.ibb.co/wKtcj0s/yet-another-kudos.png" alt="yet another kudos">

It will look something like this (and will be transparent with white outline on dark backgrounds):

Feel free to spread and use these as much as you like! (and if you have ideas for other variations, let me know ✌️)

#fanfic #ao3 #fanfiction #idk if this is silly but it's a fun little thing? #but i know i would be happy #you could just write it but this looks kinda cute #kudos

[nooooough]

I saw a weird meme in a dream I had recently, so I had to recreate it

#this is basically exactly how it looked in the dream #it’s kinda funny Idk why #oopsie overslept #fall of society #anime girl with toast in mouth #anime #meme #anime memes #dream #unintentionally scary

[nat-20s]

Ten and Donna end up on a fucked up deadly space newlyweds show despite uh. Not being newlyweds but they get almost all the questions right. They start to sweat when the final question is "what's one secret desire you have involving the other?" And Donna writes "sometimes I wish I could occasionally shrink down the doctor real small so I could carry him around in my pocket and make sure he doesn't get lost' while Ten writes "sometimes I wish I was small enough that Donna could carry me around in like a cat backpack or maybe a shirt pocket" and they look at each other like AYYYYYY because not only are they deeply drift compatible they're also fuckin weird about it 💖

#doctor who #donna noble #tenth doctor #tennant doctor #you know i usually have the doctor say weird shit about her (positive) like idk #'u know i think me and donna wouldve crushed being conjoined twins' #but i think donna also says weird shit about him. i think shell say out loud something like #'you know i look at you and wonder of i could use you as a paintbrush: #nobody knows what the FUCK those two are talking about

[keets-writing-corner]

Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??

As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue

the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD

He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.

like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...

The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"

and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it

does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING

like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow

For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat

Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation

Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with

Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)

But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time

Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell

Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch

idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room

#hazbin spoilers #hazbin hotel #lucifer #lucifer morningstar #analysis #dissociation #look idk what to tell you all #I watched the episode and everything makes so much more sense #when you realize he's only intaking like 50-60% of the conversations #he's not bad at listening his brain is literally preventing him from getting everything #literally I've been there #the difference between him and me tho #is that he can't show it #he's the king of hell #he has to bluff his way through conversations #but yeah literally rewatch the episode with this in mind #and watch him reply to the things he DID catch #anyways #NEW BLORBO???? #who'd've thought I would go into Hazbin Hotel #and come out with freaking LUCIFER as my favorite character #I love him #he's so sad

[literaphobe]

being obsessed with a song and being obsessed with the blorbos is so funny because u will listen to the song and go HMMM……. if i ignore this one lyric forgo this whole verse remove the context AND solely focus on these five completely unrelated isolated lines…? this song is TOTALLY about Them 😎😎😎

#text #music #fandom #idk #KFKSMDMSK #its like wow all this song is about is being in love and im like #SO THEM!!!! #KKFSKDKSKDKSKDK #me looking at the lyrics to Let You Break My Heart Again by laufey #LIKE YEAH SO CHAT NOIR @ LADYBUG!!!! #he WOULD let her break his heart again!!!! #onekplus

[fluentisonus]

He added, after a pause: “Remember this, my friends: there are no such things as bad plants or bad men. There are only bad cultivators.”

Les Misérables, Volume I / Book V / Chapter III, trans. Hapgood

#is this anything? idk I've been looking at it too long to tell. anyways I just really liked this passage #^ the text here is a little abridged tbc bc i couldn't draw all the uses of nettles he lists etc #I think I might also color that last panel separately bc I'm really pleased with it tbh #thoughts #my art #les mis #jean valjean

[mag200]

(me on a first date) and what do you think of the inherent intimacy of surgery? have you considered the love someone must have to put their hands under your skin and hold the most grotesque parts of you and put them back together nicely? is anyone really closer to you than that? we all get uh a little enamored on the surgery table don't we haha. wait come back

#coming up soon on a year since my top surgery <3 #idk if this needs content warnings but probably #surgery tw #mild body horror #everyone be cool on this post. look me in the eyes promise me rn. everyone act cool. #gender tag

[frmulcahy]

Love seeing everyone’s varying depictions of the Magnus Protocol gang but my drawing skills are BUSTED so even though I can’t draw her atm just know that my headcanon of Alice is this specific photo of Susan Kare lmao

#the swagger the hair 🤌 #also Colin looks like Fergus from Takin Over The Asylum #it’s probably just my brain associating the voices sounding similar but oh well #Sam looks like one of the portrait photographs I have saved on Pinterest but idk who the model is 😭😭😭 #the magnus protocol #tmagp #alice dyer

[onebadnoodle]

sketched a small angel dust redesign a while back i don't think i ever posted it. was reminded of it after my other hazbin designs started getting attention again. i did touch up the design a bit from the original sketches they were kinda bleh

#character design #redesign #hazbin hotel #sketches #messy #spider #idk i also saw other people posting their hazbin redesigns it looked fun

[saradiation]

Hey it's that time of the year again :D

HAPPY 413! 🎂

#my time zone is a little early haha BUT HAPPY 413 EVERYONE <3 #this is kind of a redraw of last year's 413 illustration and I'm so glad I could see some progress :) #I tried to make them look their age + keep their personalities and also give them cool GT outfits instead of the pjs ones I often draw #idk how much of that you can see though 🫣 #ANYWAY I had so much fun drawing them all together again! #homestuck #homestuck fanart #homestuck art #beta kids #413 #happy 413 #john egbert #rose lalonde #jade harley #dave strider #my art