#im proud of myself for getting to where i am now :) and i believe in you !!!!!!!!

[larabar]

I love your art sm it just sparks some type of happy feeing in me whenever I see it aaaaa;; btw I hope you have a very merry Christmas and get everything you were wishing for,,

as for my question, what did you do to find your style, and what made you embrace it?

(over here having art anxiety and denial pfff)

AGH TYY !!

there wasnt a moment that was like "wow! i have a style!" it just kinda happened💥 so the main thing is to just draw and itll work itself out :D

although, one thing that can speed that process up is looking at other people's art and thinking about what you like ! quick tangent but i drew orcas and only orcas for like. 6 years. it was nuts. then when i got into the zelda series and played wind waker, i really liked the style and tried drawing it just for fun. that got me to start drawing other things and changing aspects of it that weren't my favorite. and before long i kinda had a style ! it changed up a lot when i got into sonic, but that happens with styles a lot ive noticed.. but the main thing is i really just Drew without thinking about a style much

if youre struggling with liking your art/style, one thing that helps me a lot is changing things up for fun ! personally, trying out different styles doesnt help me much, but even just changing the color of my pen seems to make a difference. if i find myself using the same things to draw, i sort of end up drawing the same things too, so switching what im drawing on or using digital media or whatever really helps me :D

draw!! have fun!! if you want to improve, youre already in a good spot

#rambles #asks #sorry this got a lil long but #this really means a lot tyyy #im proud of myself for getting to where i am now :) and i believe in you !!!!!!!! #oh and same to you ! merry christmas n happy holidays‼️

[hella1975]

by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn

#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem #& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss #and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified #whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing #but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!! #like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard #(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha) #is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this #like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp #and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life #and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM #THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER #SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME #but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself #and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it #like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe #that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love #or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress) #and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness #otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc #and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway #like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done #('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us) #whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me #and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response #AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT #like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart #ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum #but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism #taob updates

[myfirstandlast]

going through answered asks from when i was 18 wanting to hold myself so tightly

#i’ve never cared for the whole i wish i could see my younger self thing #because from where i was standing it was always still bad so thought why would i want to see them now #things are going to become very hard again very soon but last year was the best year of my entire life #i did something terrifying and then i claimed my life as my own #and a year later i have a car! and im driving! you can’t understand how impossible of a thought this was to me before #i live on my own and i’ve decorated my body and my bedroom and i can buy things i never thought id be able to own #i miss connecting with others my dash is a total wasteland now but i just #seriously cannot believe where i am right now. even though some things are still so screwed up and more screwed things are on the way #and i’m terrified of course. january is the perfect month to feel like ending it all. too much unknown #but still 2023 felt like magic i didn’t deserve and yet i basked in it #i’m not incredibly successful i’m not very interesting but im still so proud of myself somehow. even though i hate myself #it’s not as much as i used to. i appreciate myself more now and i can see how i needed me to get here. and im grateful for me #and for everything i have. i’m just speechless i can’t believe the life i currently have #i’m waiting to enter the era of travelling and intimate get together those areas are still slow coming #but if i could do this i can only hope and hope and squeeze my eyes tight to make them appear someday #i miss so many things but i don’t miss the old me. she sucked but she also cared and she’s still here in fragments #it’s strange to write this way i’ve never felt this sort of compassion before i was so so deeply depressed #it was inescapable and for good reason i don’t know how i made it through anything i’ve endured #i have to thank myself for always being too scared to die

[maplesyrupsainz]

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙u & i ended up in the same room, at the same time | LN4 ˖⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: lando norris x student y/n reader (she/her)

genre: social media au

warnings: brief mentions of substances & sex but apart from that all fluff

summary: in which you wake up in a mystery bedroom with a mystery tattoo and a not so mystery headache

a/n: sorry sorry sorry lando norris is my guilty pleasure anyone else ? 🤫 this is me redeeming myself after my charles fic where i made him evil

song

my masterlist

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by yourbff, friend1, and 637 others

yourusername celebrating the end of the school year 🍾

view all 88 comments

yourbff woo hoo

yourusername can't believe we actually made it through lol

friend1 such an awful pic of me

yourusername u r hott

yoursister hope you dont get too drunk tonight

yourusername i would never!

yoursister so proud of u

liked by yourusername

f1updates

liked by user1, user2, and 14,283 others

f1updates lando norris seen out in a nightclub in monaco tonight!

tagged: landonorris

view all 1,293 comments

user3 omg drunk lando incominggg

user4 omg i wonder if the rest of the grid are out too

user5 he's so hot

user6 what i would do to be in that club tonight

yourusername posted a story

liked by yourbff, yoursister, and 192 others

landonorris posted stories

liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo, and 88,284 others

maxverstappen1 who are these girls lando hahaha

landonorris dont know😊

landonorris come meet us ar rhe club

twitter ->

instagram ->

maxverstappen1 posted a story

liked by landonorris, pierregasly, and 123,854 others

f1updates

liked by user3, user8, and 17,283 others

f1updates lando norris spotted clubbing tonight in monaco again this time with an unknown girl on his arm!

view all 3,203 comments

user10 WHAT THE HELL

user11 who is she wtf

user12 hahahah go on lando

user13 this & max's story has sent me to an esrly grave

user14 i just looked at max's story thanks to you

user13 i am so sorry

user15 why is my man kissing another girl in the club rn

landonorris posted a story

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1, and 98,293 others

maxverstappen1 WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU GUYS GONE

landonorris not sure!

oscarpiastri oh this will be funnyyy tomorrow

yourusername

liked by landonorris, yourbff, and 34,845 others

yourusername he said his car go zoom or wtvrrr

tagged: yourbff, landonorris, friend1, maxverstappen1

view all 11,283 comments

maxverstappen1 dont tag me in this im not involved

yourusername liar ur a tequila whore!

maxverstappen1 ALSO IS THAT TATTOOS

yourbff the tattoos just sobered me up

oscarpiastri im locking lando up after this

landonorris the girlies are mad about the tattoos

yourusername I TOLD YOU!!!

landonorris where are you baby

yourusername lay on ur sofa to be honest

twitter ->

whatsapp ->

twitter ->

instagram ->

landonorris

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1, and 784,274 others

landonorris anyways

tagged: yourusername

view all 18,384 comments

user21 no way

user22 who would've thought

yourbff LOL

maxverstappen1 at least it was worth it i suppose

landonorris what if i told u im the mastermiiiind

yourusername and now ur miiine

maxverstappen1 weird

user23 NOT THE MASTERMIND LYRICS LOL

user24 they r so parents

yourusername pls no dont put that kind of responsibility on us

THE END 🧡

#f1 #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 imagine #f1 smau #f1 x reader #smau #lando norris #ln4 #ln4 x reader #ln4 imagine #ln4 fluff #ln4 fic #ln4 x you #max verstappen #mv1 #oscar piastri #op81 #maddie's smau

[bbrissonn]

its midnight, im bored, but ive been thinking about cute little posts trev would make on ur anniversary so yeah enjoy :))

trevor zegras x childhoodfriend!reader

trevorzegras

liked by yourusername, jackhughes and others

trevorzegras 6 years with you 🩵

seriously dont think you’ll ever understand how thankful i am to have you in my life, not only as my girlfriend, but as my best friend. you’ve taught me so much about myself and how to become the best version of myself possible.

ik i am not always the best boyfriend in the world, but you’ve always given me a chance to learn ans grow from my (very) stupid mistakes. over the last 2 decades ive had the honor to call you my best friend, and now i have the honor to call you my fiancé, and of being your future husband, a title i will proudly claim for the rest of my life.

thank you for doing life with me, i wouldnt want to do it with anyone else xx

oh and ill proudly where this nice necklace i found with ur name on it around my neck, not because you know me, but because you really know me 😚💕

p.s love you lots you twat :)

view all 10,849 comments

yourusername love you to the moon and to saturn 🪐

trevorzegras @/yourusername all these people think loves for show, but i’d die for you in secret

yourusername @/trevorzegras all i know is a knew found grace all my days, i’ll know your face

trevorzegras @/yourusername with your boots beneath my bed, forever is the sweetest con

jackhughes @/trevorzegras why are her boots under your bed…?

yourusername @/jackhughes OF COURSE YOU’RE THE ONE WHO RUINS IT

jackhughes @/yourusername what’d i ruin?? im so lost rn y/n/n

user74 THE TAYLOR REFRENCE 🥲🥲

user3 @/user74 RIGHT?? like when is it my time to be happy 🥹🥹

colecaufield t swizzle >>

yourusername @/colecaufieldthis is why you’ve always been my fav 😗

trevorzegras @/colecaufieldat least someone gets it 😔😔

lhughes_06 call it what you want 2:08

yourusername @/lhughes_06 omg lukey, im so proud rn 🫃🫃

lhughes_06 @/yourusername uhm thank ig

jamie.drysdale @/yourusername what’s with the emoji

yourusername @/jamie.drysdale 🤭🤭

_alexturcotte im sorry why is everyone just ignoring the fact THAT THEY’RE ENGAGED???

trevorzegras @/_alexturcotte when he knows how to read and actually pays attention 🤤🤤

_alexturcotte @/trevorzegras only for you 😩😩

yourusername @/trevorzegras ummm 🫠🫠

user94 guys this isnt a drill, mom and dad are engaged !!!

yourusername @/user94 would you believe me if i said its been a couple of months… 🫣

jackhughes @/yourusername WHAT

colecaufield @/yourusername WHAT

_alexturcotte @/yourusername WHAT

patrickmoynihan_ @/yourusername i knew 😃😃

_quinnhughes congrats !! ❤️

liked by trevorzegras & yourusername

load more…

#bri writes #trevor zegras #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras imagine #trevor zegras blurb #trevor zegras insta edit #trevor zegras fic #trevor zegras fanfic #trevor zegras fluff

[ponyartistbrainiac]

I know this won't mean much to y'all but after over 10 years of trial and error and practice and experiments my art has finally gotten to the place I wanted it to be since I was a small girl. I always wanted to make beautiful emotional pieces that i pour my heart and soul into that showed my passion with every stroke and despite being mostly blind I made it.

These pictures gain very little traction and get virtually no notice at all but despite it all I pour hours upon hours of blood sweat and tears to make pieces I can be proud of.

And even though no one understands me or my work (outside of my boyfriend who is the amazing light of my life I can't seem to stop myself from making them from time to time marking occassions only I understand but I always wish people would enjoy the art anyways for what it is.

Perhaps one day people will appreciate my work. Perhaps I will just be a blip in history that no one remembers or maybe some sort of cautionary tale about being autistic and having a passion that burns hotter then anyone can handle. Either way I am proud of how far I have come. Being mostly blind and autistic no one ever believed in me but maybe thats what fueled my urge to want to prove my worth to everyone by showing them how powerful my imagination truly is.

Even if it scares them...

Im not sure why I am writing this tbh my grandfather just died and I have been thinking about my life up until now quite alot this week. Where do I go from here? What do I do now?

My friends are all moving to live around me and its wonderful and crazy and everything is happening so fast. But I wish to push myself even further beyond.

Maybe someday i can make something that everyone can appreciate or atleast my peers. But for now perhaps I should look into new horizons perhaps maybe practice more on my aliens that I love to draw thanks to Outer wilds or maybe work on my animation skills so I can make moving pictures no one understands.

Anyways thanks for sticking around through everything if you have been here a while. The internets on fire and I am doing my best and if you are new... Hi I'm Pepper and I am glad you are here.

And thank you for everything

I started making these paintings after recovering from covid which I honestly thought was the end

I was so over joyed with being alive i painted that first painting of derpy and rarity and I have been chasing that level of zen... that high... ever since and I can finally recreate it consistently. Thank goodness

I was worried it was lightning in a bottle for a while...

Never give up!

#my art #my little pony #mlp #mlp fim #art #fanart #my little pony friendship is magic #mlp oc #mlp fim oc #fallout equestria #fallout equestria project horizons #fallout equestria:all things unequal #thunder punch #outer wilds #solanum #the hatchling #heccin Pepperino #digital painting #sadness #vent #brony #kirin #blackjack #derpy hooves #brainiacs art #rarity #dragon #midgarsormr #final fantasy xiv #belle 2022

[kurolumiis]

it’s recently been brought to my attention that someone has made a callout post about me, so i wanted do discuss a few things, ive never gatekept a FICTIONAL character. they are FICTIONAL for a reason. anyone is allowed to enjoy them, sure i have an attachment to them but ill never bash someone for liking them like i do. the characters i selfship with i am uncomfy with sharing, but i never will ‘gatekeep’ them. that’s weird. as for nsfw, it is my blog. i now use this as a sfw blog but pls, leave me and my blog alone if ur uncomfy with a minor writing nsfw. it is how i cope with my trauma and you have no right to take that way from me. i never go into mdni spaces as im still 17. i only interact with people who allow me to interact with them.

also remember, im still learning and developing, im bound to make mistakes. but i will never gatekeep a character or intrude on a space where i am not wanted.

edit: i knew this person about a year ago before i cut ties with them and their friends, so im not sure why the person who came out with this post decided to post this now.

edit 2: ive said some things in the past that i am not proud of. i never intended on guilt tripping anyone, i was going through a vulnerable time and thought this outlet i used was a safe space. i am learning and evolving from my mistakes in the past and my past does not define me, especially with who i am now.

edit 2: i realized i might’ve been wrong about the date of when i last talked to these people, i believe it was around a year ago but i have such a poor memory and these months have been long and exhausting i cannot remember. it’s also part of my coping and PTSD that i try to erase bad memories from my mind. so they could be right about the timeline, but im honestly not sure. ive seen someone speaking out against the poster and i completely agree with them. i dont want to be consuming this content, but its how i cope and cannot control it. i take safety precautions when im online and only interact with nsfw content my mutuals around my age produce. because of this experience, ive been so distraught that i might end consuming this content altogether. but it also comes in phases for me so the thoughts might come back.

i also want to apologize for my actions about my attachment to fictional characters. im not going to apologize for being attached, but my behavior and expressing myself in that way. i never intended on guilt tripping or manipulating anyone, i was going through an emotional time and let my emotions get the best of me, and like i said, i thought the place i expressed those thoughts in were a safe place. i promise while i still might have those thoughts (that im unable to control), i now keep them to myself and am learning ways to cope with it.

[jadeittic]

HS + Y/I: 2022 (SERIES)

EXTRA (6) (REMAKE) -- ive been procrastinating a lot this yr so i guess we're back on track with hs + y/i

PREVIOUS. NEXT.

HARRY STYLES + PLATONIC!EX-1D MEMBER!FEM!READER

WARNINGS: are ig comments even warnings anymore 😭-- and there will be new uses of face claims.

celebnews

liked by username, and 12,348 others

celebnews YN LN spotted in Glasgow, UK for upcoming first collaboration tour with Harry Styles.

view all 1,754 comments

username my girl looks so majestic i cant

username im hyperventilating just at the thought of her someone help me

username YNRRY IS BACK BABYYYYYYYY

username i havent moved on from her last tour now shes back. AND WITH HARRY TOO.

username IM SO EXCITED I CAN BARELY SLEEP

username ive gotten my tickets. IVE GOTTEN MY TICKETS.

username im so not jumping, blushing, twirling my hair at the sight of her rn

username THE WAY I WOULDNT MOVE ON ONCE I SEE YNRRY ON STAGE

yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, lukehemmings, dannyramirez, and 2,165,410 others

yourinstagram pov: im so fucking nervous i can barely stand still so heres a pic

view all 26,122 comments

tchalamet YOU GOT THIS GIRLIE

username IM SO SAD I JSUT LEFT GLASGOW 😭

username IM SO SORRY FOR YOU OMG

anthonymackie Super disappointed in ourselves because we can't see you on your first ever collaboration tour. You're growing up, young lady. Don't you forget about us.

username "young lady' EXCUSE ME WHILE I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP

username i love them sm my heartjsheufs

yourinstagram will do mr. mackie! make sure to stop by next time :))

username already feeling like im abt to pass out and i havent seen them yet

username IM ALREADY CRYING HELPESIFGS

madelyncline SO SAD I WONT BE THERE BUT I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU TWO

yourinstagram u dk how much i want you to be here rn ;((

iheartynrry

liked by username, and 14,352 others

view all 3,183 comments

username WHEN SHE TOOK OFF HER JACKET I ALMOST FELL ON THE FLOOR

username holy shit holy shit holy shit am i still breathing

username THEY NEVER LOST THE CHEMISTRY I LOVE THEMS KNKCUCGC

username so fucking proud to say i was there. i was in the first show of hs + y/i.

username SO MCUH WAS HAPPENING

username THEY WERE GOSSIPING THE FUCK OUT ON THE STAGE LMFAO

username THE FLAG, THE SMILES, THE OUTFITS HARRY, YN, THE SHOW, I FEEL SO HAPPY

username i loved the moments where they were trying to communicate but the crowd was too loud

username TO THE POINT I THINK I SAW TEARS IN THEIR EYES

harryxyn

liked by username, and 3,391 others

harryxyn no explanations needed. just tears

view all 260 comments

username FOR FUCKING REAL. I COULDNT STOP BAWLING MY EYES OUT

username WHEN WHEN WHEN MATILDA PLAYED I JSUT

username i couldnt believe i was even there omg i thought it was all a dream

username my life is complete.

username THIS MIGHT BE THE ONLY CHANCE WE GET TO SEE 1D AGAIN?

username 2/6 :(

username DONT DO THIS TO ME

username i cant stop rewatching the videos i recorded :(((((( i already miss them sm

username i cant MOVE ON

harrystyles

liked by vicdeangelis, yourinstagram, letitawright, and 4,902,514 others

harrystyles I am so proud of my girl who I call a sister from another mister. She doesn’t have any idea how much she means to me. You are loved, YN LN. (By me which who loves you the most.) You deserve the world. Thank you for being there always. It’s always us against the world.

HS + Y/I. Glasgow. June, 2022.

view all 56,625 comments

username WHAT WHATE ANZTDGSHJSHDHEHE

username “its always us against the world” I CANT BREATHE IM IN TEARS

username IVE BEEN REREADING THIS FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES. NEVER HAVE I THOUGHT ID GET TO SEE HARRY POST THIS FOR YN

username 😭😭😭😭😭

username MY LIFE FEELS SO MUCH BETTER AFTER IVE READ ALL OF THIS

username OH MY FUCKING GOD

username TEARS WONT STOP ESCAPING

username SISTER FROM ANOTHER MISTER SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE IM ABOUT TO PASS OUT

username two words. in. tears.

yourinstagram

liked by sukiwaterhouse, chrisevans, anyataylorjoy, and 4,827,944 others

yourinstagram should i even explain? this idiot has been with me for as long as i remember. god, i can’t even remember when i agreed to go on tour with him (kidding, kidding). you are the most talented, funniest, hell, i even have to say handsome person to feed your ego. you are one of the best people to have happened in my life. it’s always us against the world.

thank you glasgow for being our first ever crowd for hs + y/i — its great to be back again! ❤

view all 47,319 comments

username IM IN ACTUAL TEARS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

username i have no words to say anymore this is so sweet

username oh??? my??? god??? ive missed them so much i didnt realise it

imsebastianstan She’s been crying about his message the whole time we’ve been drinking.

username THIS ISNT HELPING

username EVERYONES CRYING, IM CRYING, YNS CRYING, I BET EVEN HARRYS CRYING

username IM FEELING SO MANY EMOTIONS I CANT EVEN START WITH WHAT IM FEELING RN

username i will literally have “its always is against the world” tattooed on me soon

mitchrowland

liked by anthonypham, annetwist, dovecameron, and 427,314 others

mitchrowland Don’t be fooled by the internet, kids. These two have been searching up ways to steal my guitar without me noticing for the past hour.

view all 16,398 comments

username AND I THOUGHT THIS WAS WHOLESOME YNRRY CONTENT

username it is wdym

username ‼protect mitch rowland from ynrry‼

username now this is what we call bonding

username THIS BRINGS ME BACK WHEN THEY WERE DOING THE SAME THING TO NIALL OH MY GOD

yourinstagram shush youre spoiling our plan

username the way id help them username

ynrry world domination

username PROTECT MITCH ROWLAND

yourinstagram no thanks

username thank you for this update mitch

harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, bellahadid, jefezoff, and 2,466,012 others

harrystyles Girls can kiss now.

view all 31,175 comments

username my fav girl with my fav book

username does this mean something…

username yn are you kissing other girls that arent me >:(

yourinstagram im sorry...i can explain

username if girls can kiss now… im free…

username THE. THOUGHT. OF. YNRRY. READING. A. BOOK. TOGETHER.

username theyve never read a book seriously beforehrdgd this post means sm to me now

username my day has been so much better since this photo

username EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PHOTO MY GODDDDD: THE HAIR. THE BOOK. THE BRACELET. HARRY TAKING THIS PHOTO JSUT MAKES MEMEMEMEMD

username MY WOMANNNN

#harry styles fake instagram #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles story #harry styles writing #harry styles au #harry styles one shot #harry styles fake ig #harry styles instagram blurb #harry styles blurb #harry styles x reader #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles headcanon #harry styles x you #harry styles instagram au #HS + Y/I #jadeittic

[probsnothawkeye]

Today is a very important and also very emotionally heavy day for me

Today marks 5 years since I decided to keep living.

I spent pretty much all of my teens thinking I wouldn't make it out of them. There's still part of me to this day that can't believe I made it out. But I did. I'm still here, still choosing to keep going and keep living. And it's hard sometimes, im actively in the midst of a depressive episode right now and gods it can be hard. But every day I wake up and decide to keep living. For the past 5 years I've been doing that and for the first time in my life, I'm picturing what my future looks like in a way that feels real. My future is a tangible thing now, not just some dream that I won't be able to fulfill. My life is my own and I'm actively choosing to live it and it's been *five years* since I made that choice.

In those five years, I've made friends who actually care about me. I've realized I'm nonbinary and changed my name. I've written 2 podcasts and have gotten to work with so many lovely people. I've learned and grown and lived more than I ever thought I would have. When I was 13, I thought I'd be dead by 16. When I made it to 16, I though 18 would be my curtain call. At 18, I gave myself a year and thought I would fade out of existence, never being meant to get past that. At 19, I made the choice to keep living. I got a tattoo over scars that I gave myself and closed that chapter of my life. I stared down the blank pages of my life that I never thought would be filled and said "I'm going to write my own story here" and I did. I'm still here. I'm still standing.

I got a tattoo this week with a quote from The Grotto that spoke to this theme of healing for me. "I can't wait until I stop comparing milestones to minutes." I spent all of my teens living milestone to milestone, thinking that each one I passed would be the last one I had. This quote actually has a partner though, and it's one that reflects where I am now. "I can't believe I've stopped comparing milestones to minutes and swapped them with years." At some point, I stopped living milestone to milestone and started living year to year. 5 years have passed. 5 years I never once thought I'd have and yet they passed by almost without me realizing.

I'm happy I'm still here. I'm proud of myself for staying here. It's hard sometimes, but each day I'm still actively choosing life. I'm choosing to be here with my family and my friends. Here with the wonderful collaborators I've worked with. Here with the people I may never meet in real life who have made my life so much brighter.

Once upon a time, all I wanted was for it all to end. Now, I want to see what I can do with my life. My life that's mine because I chose to keep going. And gods I'm happy I'm here 💜

#pine throws thoughts into the void of tumblr #im so much better than i was and im so happy i stuck around #despite it all it does get better #also i sometimes think of this as 'life day' because its the day i chose to keep living #except thats also the name of star wars bullshit christmas #which is unfortunate as i have never and will never star a war #tw self harm #tw suicidal ideation #tw depressing thoughts

[blood-teeth]

howdy everyone

just wanted to do a quick update post:

thank you to everybody who sent well-wishes and kind words my way. you're so incredibly sweet and i cannot express into words how thankful and grateful i am so thank you <3

i'm slowly coming back into myself. as i had mentioned before, this is not my first rodeo with death; i just can't believe im back here re-living the same nightmare. grief is an ultra-marathon, the length of which never ends, it evolves into new shapes and shadows. grief unveils itself as a new horror each hour, sometimes looking like a pointed maw, other times its an exhaustive, red-hot agony. grief is violent.

but i will be okay because i know how to be violent back, now.

i really wanted to also let you know that in the midst of everything i was notified that my work Homesick was accepted to Vulture Culture Literary Magazine, which is a new, fun little magazine where they're primarily looking for works that don't fit anywhere else. and truly, this twisted little story of mine would never have found a home elsewhere.

i'm working to be proud of myself for getting out of my comfort zone to even submit to a magazine and then also working to be proud of myself for being accepted. it's something ive wanted for a long time now. i'm beyond grateful for the opportunity and i hope that some of you will read it once it's out towards the end of the month.

once i know more information i'll be sure to keep y'all updated.

thank you all <3 you are so, so loved and so wanted <3 have a good rest of your week

#update post #vulture culture literary magazine #just trying to re-integrate back into my normal life again

[namorslutfanfiction]

girl I'm down bad for tenoch, like i havent been in a long time for a male celebrity. i am obsessed!! his birthday is tomorrow!

i have so much curiosity about him (as a person, you know), like does he believe in astrology? hes such an aquarius! and because of that, the answer could be yes or no hahah

I have been practicing my spanish more nowadays; i have read almost every single tweet this man has tweeted. im currently reading his book (which is amazing!! must read for people who want to know more about mexicos power dynamics, racism, colorism! very enlightening; as a latina myself, i could swap mexico to my countrys name and it would fit perfectly) (also he is very articulated, intelligent and funny! such an easy-going read besides the theme).

whats his favorite book? what kind of songs he listens to? share your spotify account with me tenoch!!

whats his comfort food? whats his WhatsApp profile picture? is it from a professional shoot or a selfie he took on his phone? did he cave in and bought an iphone? did he have pets growing up? whos taking care of his plants back home?

does he have a nickname? maybe 'Té', or 'Noche'? or is it something that has nothing in common with his name (my family nickname is completely different from my given name)?

and so on so on!! i need ANSWERS!! necesito tomarme un trago con el!! necesito pachequearme y hablar de la vida con este hombre!!!

Same. Like I literally found myself back on this godforsaken site after years because I needed to be able to vent about my love and obsession for this man.

Oh I would love to know his random opinions and his belief systems. I think he would find it amusing that we have looked up his astrological chart to the best of our abilities. Like he would definitely think "wow thats extensive" but he wouldn't make fun of it like some guys do.

So I know like very rudimentary Spanish that I learned because of my job. I got so often mistaken as some type of latin or hispanic person that it was easier to learn enough Spanish to get by and guests were always so understanding. "Oh she can understand us but it's hard for her to reply." I want to learn more Spanish but I don't have the time right now. I wish I could read his book but a translation isn't out yet.

As a filipino I feel like there will be a lot for me to relate to in the book considering the rampant colorism in all parts of Asia. Filipinos are often referred to as the 'Mexicans' of Asia. Which is weird but also fitting. What snippets of translation I've seen have been so interesting though.

I know he hates reggaeton with so much passion its kind of hysterical. I think I remember him mentioning one of his favorite books in an interview but I can't remember off the top of my head. I knoooow this man has all kinds of proud Latin music on his playlist. Also unabashed bangers like Selena.

He apparently has a screenshot from his whatsapp on his twitter somewhere and I think it's like a normal pic not anything professional.

DOES TENOCH HAVE PLANTS? THAT IS THE QUESTION I NEED ANSWERED BECAUSE I AM A PLANT MOM!

Did you see that interview where he was mad hungry and eating the food the interviewer bought him? I wonder if he's one of those mexican dads who is willing to try a bunch of stuff or if he's the type to always choose latin food over anything else.

I've seen some of his activist friends call him 'Noch' or 'Nochie' I also know that Diego Luna specifically calls him 'chiquitin'. And that makes me giggle because I think he smiles his stupid cute smile every time Diego calls him that.

LOL I have two first names and depending on who you are decides which one you call me. So I don't have any nicknames. Everyone would just get even more confused.

I wanna talk to him about everything, life, love, politics, bull shit, the things that make us happy, the things that make us sad. I wanna talk about our pasts, our futures, our dreams.

I want his advice. Like I bet he gives the best life advice.

thank you for the ask,

#ask #ask me

[babyfairy]

here’s a much needed life updates post! even though generally speaking not a whole lot has happened lol

life has been pretty difficult since i lost my grandpa truthfully. it’s been a lot of struggling since then. lately in particular (as in the last few months) i’ve been struggling mentally more than ever. i think im going through one of those really painful transitional/growth periods (which figures, it’s about time for my saturn return) but i also think i am neurodivergent in some way? as in im like 99.99999% sure i am neurodivergent. i can’t think of any other explanation for the way my brain works and for the way i am struggling.

it’s weird because i have a lot of guilt about exploring the idea of possibly being neurodivergent. i’ve been talking with my doctor about it and every time we’re done talking i feel like im a liar or that im manipulating her or others into believing i could be neurodivergent in order to have an excuse for just not being a good person, friend, daughter, sister etc. i’ve been talking with her about OCD specifically. there are a lot of things im learning about OCD that i relate to and that have been completely taking over my life since the death of my grandfather. but i also relate to a lot of the traits of autism, so truthfully i don’t really know what’s going on and not knowing has been isolating and sort of difficult and scary. i have this intense need to know what’s “wrong” with me or why i act/think/feel the way i do. i think that in and of itself is a symptom but i’ve always been that way. i think i have trouble relinquishing control. and lately i just feel very out of control. my work, friendships, family life, self esteem, and everything all just feel extremely unstable lmao and i know the primary reason is me. because i’m always bracing for the next terrible thing to happen and i’m always worried about ruining everything or hurting someone or i don’t even know what. i worry every moment that i am awake.

i’ve been adjusting my meds under the advice of my doctor and a psychiatrist and im trying to get back into therapy but god is it intimidating lol! i don’t know why! i think the thought of starting all over with a new therapist just scares me a lot. i know i have to do it though because i can’t manage this on my own anymore at all. and i have no idea how to make it any better or manage my stress. so physically and mentally im doing really poorly. i think maybe worse than ever. but i’m alive lol and i’m trying to get back to a point where i feel ok and not so paranoid and distressed all the time. im just trapped in this horrible cycle. it’s really frustrating. and i just want to understand why but i don’t for now and i have to be ok with that.

it isn’t all bad though lol and i do have things to look forward to. im trying my best to build and deepen new relationships so i feel less isolated. being agoraphobic in your early 20s really does a number on your social life!!! i managed to get beyoncé tickets and im planning on flying to visit some of my closest friends later this year. so i have things to look forward to and that helps keep me going on the days where i just want to give up. it’s hard 😅 but hopefully it won’t be this hard for too much longer and i’ll be able to look back on this time period and feel proud of myself for pushing past it. because right now truthfully i just feel ashamed and sad most of the time. i think shame and guilt are like my primary emotions lol. and just general tiredness. but i’m trying my best to claw my way out of it

#p

[itsravenbitch]

hii! im here 2 share my success story. QUICK TW FOR MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION AND S/H i was going through it

basically last school year i was failing everything. i have always been naturally smart, but depression brought me down and i had no motivation to try anymore, so i became known as the ‘dumb’ friend. my ‘friends’ constantly made fun of me for being stupid and i was so angry at myself because i knew i could literally get full marks in everything if i wasn’t mentally ill and if i didn’t have those hateful ass friends bringing me down 24/7. they always spoke down to me because they saw me as a person who knew nothing. one day where i was feeling extremely down and genuinely considering dropping out and seriously harming myself, i stumbled across loa tumblr. i think that was the universe giving me a sign that i could change, because it literally just randomly popped up on my dash out of nowhere. i read ur posts and after being so low for so so long i decided enough is enough. i began to affirm every day in the morning and before sleeping, basically telling myself i’m a genius, i’m mentally well, i am that bitch, etc etc. at first it was soooo hard bc obviously after being so depressed for so long it was really hard for me to believe, but i persisted and persisted until i believed it. then it literally all started looking up. i started getting full marks on all my tests without even studying much it was like the knowledge just came to me. my friends who used to bring me down started begging me to read my essays and help them study let me tell u it was SOOO satisfying seeing the look on their faces every time i told them the grades i got. obvi i never helped them tho cuz when did they ever help me? now im literally flourishing academically and mentally, i have new friends who bring me up rather than down, basically everythingg is going right. so to anyone struggling this shit is SO real. i went from rock bottom to my peak and so can u i believe in u all <3 and ty rae cuz ur posts helped me SOO much with realising my power and potential

first of all, fuck those “friends” you had.

and second, i’m SO proud of you for pulling yourself out of that low state. that takes initiative and ofc persistence.

i want everyone to know that no matter where you are physically or mentally, anything is possible!! look at this anon right here!! you did that, so congratulations and i hope the best for you!

#loa #successstories

[goldencherryhazz]

ONE NIGHT ONLY

An: I do not have the words to describe how much I love Harry’s House, I will never recover! Anyways here’s a smutty fic that’s was supposed to be fluff but guess where we are now. Oh well, sorry it’s not that good, a lot has happened over the last few days but expect a lot more fics on Harry’s House in the near future :) please give me some feedback, hope you enjoy 💗

Warnings: sub! Harry, dom!reader, oral male receiving, nipple play, overstimulation!

‘You okay baby?’ You ask as you walk back into the hotel bedroom where Harry is perched on the edge of the bed.

‘I think so’ he replies still looking a bit dazed and bewildered even though he had gotten off stage for one night only over an hour ago.

‘You sure, seem a bit out of it’ you question as you flick a curl out of his face so it would rest on the top of his head.

‘Can I have a cuddle’ and you can resist the desperation in his eyes, so quickly move to straddle his lap, your arms moving to loop around his neck, Harry rests his head right on your chest nested between your boobs, and that when he lets out a content sigh finding comfort within your presence.

You stay like this for a few minutes before you have to blurt out a ‘im so proud of you, always am with everything you do’ you whisper into his ear scared that he was having doubts or was worried about his performance of his newest album.

‘Thankyou, I’m proud of me to’ and you love how he isn’t scared to admit it.

‘What going on in that pretty head of yours baby’

‘I just can’t believe how good that show was, I felt so safe and free’ he says in disbelief, his heart feeling as though it would burst from the support he was getting from you, his friends, team and fans worldwide.

‘That’s because you have been so real and honest with your writing over the past few years, been so brave and open, you created a safe space for your fans at every show and I think they want to give you that back, you deserve that baby.’ You kiss his forehead, stroking through this unruly curls.

‘You helped me to you know, helped me find myself which allowed me to write like I have, swear it’s my favourite album yet, don’t think it would have been without you as my muse.’ He says seriously, having peeked his head out from your chest to look you in the eye.

‘Everything you do is my favourite, I’m glad I got to be by your side the entire way, love you soo much baby’ you try to soothe his overwhelmed min.

‘I love you too’ and with that he crashes his lips to yours, your lips against his intensifying this high he had going on inside him, and he didn’t want it to end, not yet.

A few kisses later and Harry hates the fact that there is a layer of clothes separating the two of you, a dire need to be closer to you was the only thing in his mind, and he starts to grind his hips subtly against yours.

‘Need you’ he whispers against your lips.

‘I’m right here baby, not going anywhere, gonna take care of you’ and you try to hold back the moan that threatened to escape your lips as you felt his cock plumping in his pants, undoubtedly making the wetness in your panties increase.

‘Just wanna be close, need to feel ya’ he whimpers.

‘Okay, okay baby, why don’t you start taking you clothes of for me’ you sit up getting off of his lap, and he whines at the loss of contact, right now he just wanted you and only you.

He manages to fling his love heart tee and leather trousers to a random corner in the hotel room, and you take your clothes off just as quickly.

‘How do you want me H, want me to ride you?’

‘Anything, please just want you, I’m so hard’ he whimpers as he reaches his hand to wrap around his cock which is standing proudly against his belly, the veins quite prominent and his tip a deep shade of red, he jerks his length a few times to spread the precum leaking from the head of his cock.

‘You look so good when you play with you cock baby’ you practically drool at the sight infront of you, and he shyly looks up at you at the compliment, stopping the movement of his hand.

‘Don’t stop baby, make yourself feel good for me’ and he does as you say, moving his hand up and down his cock and it has you moving your hand to your bare pussy that was now slick with you wetness, fingers curling over your clit making you bite back a moan.

Your eyes close at the feeling of your clit being stimulated, but when you open them you find Harry staring right back at you, not meeting you eyes but more staring at you perky tits ‘do you want these tits baby, you can have them’ you say as you move closer to him your chest infront of his fans and he doesn’t waste any time in attaching his mouth to one of your nipples, sucking happily the action bringing his comfort and even more pleasure as his hand moves at a rapid rate up and down his member.

‘Fuck that feels good baby’ you gasp at the sensation of his lips on your nipple, rubbing your fingers over your clit at how incredibly hot your boyfriend was.

‘Your gonna cum for me’

‘Fuck yeah I’m gonna cum, getting close’ he comes off you nipple with a popping noise before he kisses your lips, teeth clashing, your tongue invading his mouth wanting to taste him more.

‘Can y’touch me, hand feels good but I now it doesn’t feel as good as yours.’ He moans out.

‘Course I can baby, wanna make you feel good’ you begin working your way down his neck, pressing tiny kisses and sucking a hickey onto his warm skin, you duck even lower and he lets out a moan, squirming slightly when your lips come into contact with his sensitive nipple, you begin to suck on on and you other hand tweaks the other.

‘Please, don’t tease, gonna cum if you keep doing that, want you to touch me’

‘I am touching you baby’

‘I want you to touch m-my’ he doesn’t finish his sentence as he becomes shy from how subby he was feeling.

‘Where do you want me to touch, gotta tell me, use your words baby’ you encourage him.

‘My cock, want you to play with me till I cum’ he finally lets out.

‘Good boy, gonna suck that pretty cock now’

‘Yes please, please want that soo much’

You nestle down to his lap, now face to face with his length and you don’t hesitate to wrap you hand around him to align his with your mouth, before you take just over half of him in your mouth in one smooth thrust and he lays out the loudest moan of the night, probably waking the neighbouring hotel room but he couldn’t care less at that moment.

You begin to bob your head up and down, your other hand fondling his balls and it isn’t long before he is crying out having been quite close beforehand. He moves some hair out of you face, before gathering it into a makeshift pony tail making it easier for you to move.

‘Your close baby, can feel twitching, gonna cum for me’ you take him in your hand again, the silky smoothness of it making Harry lose his mind.

‘Yes fuck yes you mouth feels fucking amazing’

‘Look at me then baby, wanna watch you fall apart look at me.’ You demand and he does as you say, and when you keep eye contact when you take a majority of his length into your mouth and throat, it has him tipping over the edge.

‘C-cumming…fuck’ is he can string together, as his hips buck up into your mouth, his cock painting your throat with his warm cum. All Harry can do is moan chants of your name at his euphoric high, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as you continue to bob your head slightly making sure you had every last drop of his cum.

‘It that better baby, was that okay?’ You ask as you pop of off his length.

‘Fuck it was incredible’ he says dreamily, and you can’t resist leaning up to kiss him, stroking his cheeks with your thumb as you do.

‘Think you can cum again for me’ and that alone has his breathing increase once again and he doesn’t have any words, the events of the night leaving him rendered speechless.

‘Promised I was going to ride you and by the feel of it’ you pause reaching behind you to fondle his balls in your hand to confirm your thoughts ‘these balls are still full of cum, you gonna give it to me baby?’

‘Yeah, gonna give it to you, shit I wanna cum for you again’

‘That’s a good boy’ you kiss him once again.

‘Y’ready baby, gonna sink on your cock now okay’

He nods obsessively, so you instantly move your figure so it aligned with you entrance before you slowly take him incl by inch until you are fully sat on his length, you clit brushing the hairs of his happy trail, you both let out sultry moans one he fills you, neither of you caring if you got noise complaints the next morning.

‘Shit you’re so big, stretching me soo good’ you going down Harry’s cock moving deliciously inside you and he moans out at the feeling of your cunt clenching and unclenching around him.

‘Fuck haven’t even started riding me, feels like I’m already gonna cum’ he sighs at the stimulation his cock was getting, feeling ever so sensitive already from his previous orgasm.

Feeling like you needed more you start to bounce up and down on his cock, the only sound in the room was skin slapping on skin and both of you moans as he hid as the sweet spots inside of you.

‘Feel you in there baby’ you reach out for his hand and place it on your lower belly ‘Gonna cum right in there aren’t you’ and he moans and you sink onto his cock all the way and he can feel the bump his length creates.

‘I’m gonna fill you up so good’ he moans and he feels so overwhelmed by the pleasure he was receiving that he had to find sanctuary in your chest, his head nestled between your tits and you stroke your hands through his hair gripping onto it slightly as you get closer and closer to your orgasm. His arms and upper body curls into you slightly, he can feel his eyes getting glossy from how good he was currently feeling, from performing Harry’s House for the first time, to this current situation he thought he had never felt better.

‘Shit I’m gonna cum, you gonna cum with me baby, gonna fill me up’ your thrusted become frantic as you chase you high and get Harry to hiss

‘Yeah I’m gonna cum, can I cum please, please’ he whimpers, slightly muffled by your chest.

‘Cum baby boy’ you moan and it take all of three thrusts before you are shaking above him. ‘I’m cum-cumming’ you breath out and with that Harry grips your hips grounding them to his before he cums in thick spurts, even more than he previous orgasm due to how overstimulated he was, completely filling you and the warmth the spreads in your belly makes you feel all fuzzy.

‘Did soo good for me baby, came soo much’ you say as you feel his cum starts to dribble out of you slightly.

Harry’s face is still mushed in your tits, probably exhausted from cumming twice, his legs hadn’t stopped shaking since his high.

‘M’soo proud of you baby, I love you soo much’ you remind him, making sure that he always knew how much you loved and cared for him.

‘I love you too’ he lifts his head, and you instantly go to wipe his waterline clear of any tears threatening to build up.

‘Let’s get cleaned up yeah’

‘No don’t want you to go and to be honest I don’t think I can walk’

‘Harry I can literally feel your cum dripping from me’

‘I don’t care, just one more minute’ and you can’t help but chuckle at his antics, meanwhile Harry cuddles back into you feeling the most content he has in a while, happier than ever as he snuggled into his lovies chest, his home.

#harry’s house #harry styles #harry styles fics #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles x reader #love harrystyles #harry styles fluff imagine #fine line #harrystylesisgolden #harry styles hot #harry styles fanfic #proud of harry #harry fics #harry edits #harry edward styles #loveharrystyles #harries #harry smut #harry fluff #loveharry #asitwas #harry styles fic rec #hshq #love on tour #harold

[sockori]

shmupdate 🧦

very long, hastily written, but a look is appreciated

greetings- to those who are somehow still lingering around this account or came up upon it during my desolate time off. it is sock. or sockori.... or raven... my name is actually raven (they/it, 20 yo disabled autistic goth nerd whatever the fuck). howdy

im still on the 'undetermined hiatus' so to speak that i described in my leaving post, but i will say right now that i have no near future plans on returning. in the tags on my newest art, i mentioned my naruto hyperfixation (of like. 6 years i think) finally died out and other interests have long since captured my autism full force. for me personally, when i lose a special interest like this so drastically, i just full on abandon it for as long as it stands. however, this isn't the only thing that made me leave, and i think its time for me to be completely honest & get some weight off my chest.

i made this account around the cusp of turning 14, during a god awful pubescent era where i acted as any other edgy teen does and i'd much rather like to forget these days. what im saying is i was not in the right mindset at all when i exposed myself that much & got the attention that i did. a dismayingly giant coping mechanism i had in my youth was being online 24/7 because i had no one in reality to lean on let alone feel comfortable talking to about anything that was happening at that time. this of course leads to what the kids call these days being 'chronically online'- desperate for some sort of assurance or interaction, i crawled into internet spaces i shouldn't have been for an also incredibly unsupervised child using the dangerous worldwide web.

yes, naruto was apart of this, as well as other interests i had at the time. throughout my journey i met unsavory people, suffered abhorrent things like stalking & gr---ming, saw things i didn't deserve to see, did a bunch of stupid shit an angsty teen does, i believe you understand the rest. i am in no way proud or gleeful about any of these years and have some very sour memories tied to fandom as a whole, not just naruto, and i really don't like reflecting on them. so, unfortunately, this account sorta became a bitter reminder of what i went through as i grew up & finally matured and sought to recover. that's the first part of why my activity fizzled away & i began backing off from internet use entirely.

the second part is sasori. yes, the puppet man. sorta the sole reason i made sockori in the first place. as the sasori enjoyers following / who followed know, this puppeteer has an incredibly unhealthy philosophy and worldview (if the carefully preserved corpses turned puppets and complete lack of humanity didn't give that away), and is safe to say entirely detached from his reality to a nhilistic and suicidal extent. when you autistically fixate on a character like how i did, sometimes this character's rhetoric can seep into your own without you even realizing; Especially when you're a spot where you are incredibly vulnerable and psychologically unstable, as i was in my youth. now i didn't go around believing you should uhhh murder people and preserve them Obviously- actually i began to believe that perhaps there was some peace in obtaining a robotic existence. maybe emotions were useless, perhaps nothing truly mattered, my life didn't matter, art in eternal in the sense that death is scary and i should avoid it at all costs, why make connections with people when they just die or leave, cant trust people at all to help me, xyz. anything in these lines. without going too uncomfortably deep for everyone's sake and mine, it fucked me up severely. i suppose in a way it relates to how he uses poison. his toxins got right into my nervous system, but the pain i felt from those toxins was the only thing i could really rely on at the time, so i just let it happen. such is the depressing case of coping in the worst spot of your life.

cant help but feel incredibly strange telling the tale, as it sounds so obscure doesn't it, but media can truly get inside your psyche like this if a consumer isn't careful. not sure if anyone else out there fell into a similar headspace dealing with interests in this nature- but regardless. what i mean to say is, sasori is now a kind of content i cant consume anymore. i am in a way better place now, have grown wise and balanced with careful recovery and patience, and of course have grown out of whatever teenage nonsense i was on. sasori, who was once the only thing my autistic traumatized ass could lean on, is now an extremely dark shadow on my life. yes i see this homicidal anime puppet dude from a fantasy ninja anime and get psychological distress. he's somewhat of an aggressor or abuser to me now, which is tragic. ive been actively avoiding everything even vaguely relating to him, be it the art of puppetry, anime clips, robotic/sci-fi genre, whatnot cause i just. man. i dont wanna go back there. shouldn't have to explain why at this point. ptsd at its finest

feel like ive been honest enough. sasori enjoyers out there who were just around to enjoy what i made, anyone i happened to be good friends with during my time on this account, this doesn't have anything to do with you guys. i appreciate everyone dearly for supporting me and cheering me on in whatever i made despite all the hell & anguish that was taking place beyond the keyboard. im just glad that i managed to find some way out and get the help i need before i gave up & took my own life, which depressingly i almost did a handful of times. carrying the horrors is an exhausting burden to bare sometimes, but that does not mean i can't look back on the good parts of the era too. and seeing you all happy and sharing my memes or whatever made me ecstatic and at least a little bit hopeful for the future. fortunately that little spark of hope grew into something more. thanks for being a light in a very, very dark room.

that being said, i leave you all with this: i am not dead, just greatly changed, a new person at last freed from apathy & exhaustion, with now enough room to finally grow. the memories will never truly fade & my disabilities will be a part of me until i pass on, but at least now i can manage them a lot better than ever before, surrounded by way better people who love me for who i am. i will hang on the best i can. i wish for you to do the same. find freedom and happiness wherever you are. take care. happy trails

trans rights. i eat fascist souls. free palestine

#sasori #world is pain but i will manage

[starsambrosia]

Theoi and my chronic condition

I have a condition where if i get too emotional, my chest inflames around my heart sack, and it crushes my heart. If it gets too intense, i could die genuinely. So, I've lived a lot of my life learning how to emotionally regulate and such.

But some times i miss the gods so much it hurts worse than heartache, it aches so bad its misrible and i hated having to go crawling up to some one and grabbing on begging them to come back so it dosnt hurt so bad or to ease the pain with touch or even just a glance. (Now i take pride in being obnoxious/lh )

They are so kind to me with this, so understanding, i dont bother them i never have, they care about respect and they have opinions on me and what i do and what i should or shouldnt and when to speak about what and all that but then when im like this its like they set things down for just a moment and hold me, or speak, or comfort or take me somewhere to get my mind off it, encourage me to keep going and take deep breaths.

Before when i didnt reach out when i didnt know how or couldnt, Apollo still sat with me, he knew what was going on he always knew and he was so patient with me and my emotional outbursts over it, the beginning was hard with this condition but they made it less painfull and have saved my life by simply loving me.

Ive had this since i was 13, this crushing heart and these painfull feelings. Whats worse is its an abnormality of an existing chronic illness so a lot of doctors will tell me i just cant have it while my heart is actively being crushed, surprise surprise when they look for what i demand they find it is infact true (my heart leaks when its crushed thats how i prove it)

Having to live with that surrounded by doctors who didn't believe me even when i had a cardeologist for it was baffling. It was horrible, and because it was an abnormality, i was put through a lot of tests my god awful gardians signed me up for when i was too delerious to know and too young to care I was poked and prodded and fucked with and forced to run and push myself and hurt it hurt so bad. But Apollo was there later into it, listened to me cry about it, listened to me vent

He held me and helped me learn how to cope how to do better for myself

And Hermes runs to me to cheer me up when it gets so bad it starts to inflame again and i reach out.

The love i feel for them is immense. And i appriciate everything theyve done for me along the way.

This happened the same time as K showing up (personal note)

This pain is daily but my regulation and self care with it is good, im not as reliant as i used to be and i am really proud of myself, but i owe it to them mostly for helping me up on my own and giving me the stability and love i wouldve never recived in that hell hole.

#personal practice #helpol #theoi #witchblr #paganblr #ambrosia #deitys #personal experiences #journal