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the-official-account · 1 year

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♦️Episode 23 ♦️

Gonna skip mseto's clovenheart and come back around in my pass for the extras

[Felix is spar's ran, androgynous, willowy, Luna sibling &therefore elven light-medium brown skin VERY curly hair, which Spar also has when not slicked back, but brown eyes, sweet smile "between them and tars, they are obviously the more delicate one"]

[Josepha has green skin]

[Merim² is Felix's sibling, spar's Om (om is an ungendered word for aunt of uncle that has become my default for that usage but which I have seen used by other peope exactly once. But I like it. So.)]

The dreams sequence was uhhhh fucked up, methinks!

[Spar's restless & withdrawn when he's angry] hough....HOUGH.

Vellum making sure Spar's all healed up...ugh. ugh. Knife through my heart.

Yk how like there's that circle of distance animals tend to keep from sitting humans and how like dogs will come up really close to like any person but cats tend to stay further away?

Sometimes I think about that in situations like this, and what vellum's doing. Being visible, being available, helping keep watch but...letting someone take their time. Giving space at the same time.

I love that Vellum and Anya get along the are SO ♥️♥️♥️

Omg 🥰carnation🥰

Ah, I'm really glad they went to get her if they were gonna give up Anya........ [Vellum expresses that while he prefers to trust people it's often best to err on the side of assuming dishonesty—mostly at work]

OOOOHHHHHHHH ANYA'S DAD BEING IN CRYSTALLIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

Oh my god Anya is so sweet I love her!!!!

Spar if you don't fucking open up your goddamn heart and stop shielding and self isolating every time something sucks I will kick your ass!!!! I KNOW. it's hard, but fuck!

ANYA CALLS HIM KAOLIN VELLUM THEY HAD THE NAME MOMENT RHEY HAD!!!!!! THE NAME MOMENT IM SCREAMING. YAYYYYYY OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! >:DDDDD

They have such sibling-in-law energy. They have such "gossip over tea as the run rises before making sure everyone's up and ready for the family event" energy. Your honor I love them.

OPE spars up.

The hurt/comfort ideas this episode is implanting into my brain.

JACKS LETTER. HOLY SHIT

SEVENTEY TWO HOURS WAS......TOO LONG AGO, HUH? FUCKING HELL

"it's on the list" I'm gonna strangle spar.

Narratively? I love this. Narratively, spars doing so good. Narratively, gimme gimme gimme those good good flaws

Personally? Spar what the FUCK. Spar FUCK OFF. BITCH.

IPSWITCH'S "AHEM" UFKSGSKAGSKDG

"who should even be in charge of this?" technically Vellum, right? He's the one that gives final approval on use of force?

OH SPAR FEELS HELPLESS, THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING. Makes sense, checks out, mhm

"QCS LIKE WHY WOULD YOU KILL A POPSTAR" FOSVSOSGSKS FUCK LMAO

Vellum trying to pull Spar's bear hug move.

Oh, goddamn, this scene is....hooooo.

"greggins is gaining a new appreciation for spar's style of communication" spar communicates???

VELLUM PULLED NO FUCKING PUNCHES ON THAT PHONE CALL LMAO

"I need to hyperventilate for a minute and then I'll get back to you" first of all, mood—

"spar has never willingly taken a vacation...usually his loved ones trick him into it" spar is SUCH a hot mess, and I love Tatiana but girl....

VELLUMS BEING A LITTLE ARCHEOLOGIST IS SOOOO CUTE

LUNAVELLA AND BRUNHILDE HI!!!!!! I hope they kick his ass (not literally just give him a good talking to because spar what the fuck)

Spar...Spar speaking to them like that is WILD to me...

"he pats her as if he's comforting her" I am going to run spar a nice hot bath with lavender Epsom salt and fucking bolt him down into it will this man let himself be comforted ONCE?

"the more important thing is that they're here now and I can't keep everyone safe." D:

Spar? Asking for help? Of course not, unheard of.

Bestie those are elven war vets who killed a puppet-master-(functionally)demigod PLEASE let someone help you.

Musician...musicia—DIAMOND. FUCK.

Also NOBODY made diamond a scapegoat in ANYTHING I love them (sincerely) but they are so annoying (derogatory)

RESIST DIAMONDS MIND CONTROL?

YEAH!!! YEAH I WOULD NOT LIKE THAT JOKER FLY CAUSE FUCK.

So diamond had contact with Grey....and wait grey was coming to sindershore? I'm wondering if diamond can mind control on the phone

HEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHE vellum said fuck

(not that he hasn't before? I havemt kaot track. But that was a DAMN well delivered line)

"OHHH! YOUR SPARKLINESS" FUEKGSKDGD

"looks like you've collected more of them!"

"which means over been watching them EXTREMELY carefully!"

Ipswitch is annoying in the best way. Ipswitch is annoying like I hope they never stop talking I have my chin in my hands, tell me all about how deductibles are a metaphor for justice.

Diamond is annoying like when I even hear the name I'm like "oh this bitch again"

WHY DID THEY CALL QC A MINION? MOTHERFUCKER—

""""""""the other one""""""""

"JEALOUS"

"it's seems that you (pointing at vellum) have joined the list of my suitors" hhhh diamond is sooooo lucky to not be real because if we existed on the same physical plane I would be stepping on the back of their heels when they walk at every opportunity. I would mix toner into their hair mousse. I would straighten the backs of all their hanging earrings and bend the backs of all their studs. I would put olive oil in a spray bottle and go ham on their closet.

"I'm being cute" that's a word for it.

BITCH "WHY?" AFTER YOU WERE FOUND WITH THE FUCK WERELION DRUGS THE PERSON YOU INVITES WENT ALL WERELION AND THEN YOU JIST FUCKING LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING AND DIDNT UPDATE THE PROGRAMME ABOUT YOUR ABSENCE YOU HAVE GOOOOOT FO SEE HOW THAT IS SUSPICIOUS "WHY" MY ASS. """""WHY""""".

bitchass motherfucker. God.

AND OH YEAH YOUR PROBABLY MIND CONTROLLED KURT

"how is sekitan? :)" I don't trust that question at all.

"I didn't want them to be a fatality in all this" HHHHHHHHHRRNGHHH (wrathful)

[Kurt? May be green-skinned]

I loved this episode so much there are so many feelings in my heart. I was affectionately exasperated with spar, and then diamond came in and I was just exasperated. But ipswitch, Anya and Vellum are balancing it out for me. And also the scene between Spar and auntsssss that. That was so. SO. WAH. —AND END NOTES LUNA AND HILDE WERE GOING TO THE COUPLES DANCE THAT'S SOOO CUUUUTE!!!!

And ohhhhh diamond from from the plot card!! Huh!! They wove into the story so well I assumed they were, like, in the premise of the show!

But anyways I'm still bonking spar over the head with a wrapping paper roll and yelling "YOU. MUST. TRUST. YOUR. PEERS. TO-BE-STRONG-ENOUGH. TO CARRY. THE BURDEN. THAT IS. YOUR HEART. BECAUSE-THEY-CANT. KNOW YOU. WITHOUT. THAT. TRUST. SO. HELP. ME. GOD!!!!!!!!"

@threeheartscast

#half of this is me rantinf about diamond #the other half is my rantinf about spar #and oh yeah other characters exist but they dont make me angry fmsvsksvs #edil chats #edil liveblogs three of hearts #three of hearts #three of hearts pod

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mountphoenixrp · 1 year

Photo

We have a new citizen in Mount Phoenix:

Im Insoo, a 24 year old son of Erh-Lang. He is a veterinarian at Stop&Paws.

FC NAME/GROUP: Lee Minho (Lee Know) / Stray Kids CHARACTER NAME: Im In-Soo (임 인수) AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: 25 October 1998, 24 PLACE OF BIRTH: Bukchon Hanok Village, Seoul, South Korea OCCUPATION: Veterinarian at Stop&Paws HEIGHT: 172cm / 5'8" WEIGHT: 62kg / 137lbs DEFINING FEATURES:

Big dark brown eyes resembling boba.

A mole on the left side of his nose.

Ears piercings: two on the left, one on the right.

PERSONALITY: In-Soo is a kind, beautiful young man, always happy to help whenever he can, especially if animals are involved. As an only child, he doesn’t mind being on his own but if he meets someone he clicks with, he’ll be the most loyal friend. On the other hand, if people betray or are mean to him, they might find themselves with a dog’s bite on their butt.

However, due to his past and the loss of his family, his smile hides a great sadness and trauma. He is plagued by recurrent nightmares of his grandparents’ murder and often suffers from insomnia. His hatred for the evil spirits knows no limit and he’ll do anything to protect others from them. He has a great mastery of his powers but he sometimes can be overwhelmed by a destructive rage when using them.

HISTORY: Im In-Soo was born and raised in Bukchon Hanok Village in Seoul, where his grandparents and mother managed a small teahouse. His mother Iseul was a loving and kind woman but due to her work, she was often busy so In-Soo spent most of his time with his grandmother and grandfather. The identity of his father was no secret to them but it was decided to give the little boy the most normal and happy childhood possible.

It worked, for a while.

In-Soo’s powers started to manifest quite early, before he was even five years old. At first, it was only strange feelings of being observed that invaded the small boy. Of not being alone in his bedroom or any other room of the teahouse, making him cry or run away in fear. When the nightmares started, Iseul kept him around her at all time, even at night.

He was seven when he started to see the demons that plagued his life. Dark creatures of fog and smoke looming around the house, filling him with terror day and night. Seeing the despair of her son, Iseul decided to reveal his true identity to him and though In-Soo didn’t understand everything yet, he found hope in the fact that he once might be able to fight back.

With the help of his family, the boy started to study everything he could find about his father and shamanic literature showed him how to train his spiritual energy to fend for himself and protect his loved ones. The more he learnt, the more his gift grew and started to manifest. That’s when the shape-shifting arrived.

At first, it was an accident. See, In-Soo loved animals and often fed the stray cats of the neighborhood. Watching kittens play, he wished to be as innocent and happy as them and the next minute, he was running after them on four small paws, his shouts of joy coming out as excited meows. He soon cherished this particular ability and, as years passed, he mastered shifting into most animals but his preferences always went back to cats, wolves and ravens. It also offered him a respite from the evilness lurking around him.

During that time, the demons grew impatient, jealous of the boy’s powers, wanting them for themselves. They became more violent, now physically attacking the Im family. It culminated on In-Soo’s first day of middle school when they murdered his grandparents and left the teahouse ransacked.

That night, In-Soo’s powers, fueled by his rage, almost destroyed the village.

Left alone, Iseul and her son rebuilt the teahouse and he spent his free time helping his mother as much as he could while studying. Evilness came back and it started to weigh on his beloved mother’s body and soul. At eighteen, at Iseul’s insistence, In-Soo enlisted at the Seoul National University to study veterinary science. After five years and a few flings that confirmed he liked boys, he came back home to find his mother fading away. Before saying her goodbyes, she told her son about Mount Phoenix where he would find protection and, maybe, his father.

After his mother’s untimely death, In-Soo regretfully sold the teahouse, packed his few belongings and made the long journey to Mount Phoenix.

PANTHEON:Chinese CHILD OF: Erh-Lang, God of Protection from Evil POWERS:

Chases away evil spirits.

Shape-shifts in animals (has a preference for cats, wolves and ravens). The animals retain In-Soo’s hair and eyes’ colors.

STRENGTHS:

Kindness.

Protection of others.

Love for animals.

Can perform the darye (Korean tea ceremony) and brew any kind of tea to perfection.

WEAKNESSES:

Can take time to trust new persons.

Insomnia.

Sometimes unable to contain his rage.

The occasional swearing.

#kpop rp #krp #stray kids #lee minho #lee know #mp; welcome

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two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat · 2 months

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So according to Mike chewby is half American bully half cane corso

Which he and my dad say makes her a first gen pitbull. Which is...not true from what I can tell

But thats a whole other post

But I was reading up about am. bully/cane corso crosses and

Chewby barks SO much lmao.

Shes an alright guard dog in that she is big and has a deep scary voice and. Well. Is a pitbull. Which people tend to find intimidating. She is also a massive chicken. Like I dont doubt she'd protect me if need be but shes a fuckin scaredy cat deep down.

She absolutely has low grooming needs.

She does NOT have a high pain tolerance. She had to get shots the other day at the vet and she would yelp if you barely brushed your hand near the spots they stuck her with the needles the whole rest of the day. The stairs hurt her back so my dad carries her 65 pound ass upstairs to bed every night.

Shes more active than our last dog but thats not saying much. Layla was a couch potato. I definitely know dogs with way more energy than chewby has

Shes alright with other pets. And is honestly uninterested in small mammals she encounters outside for the most part. Our yard has been pretty overrun with bunnies lately and she barely pays them any mind. She might watch them for a second but shows no desire to chase them. She only tries to chase harley cuz she was raised with a cat that liked to play with her and doesnt understand that her size and intense stare are very intimidating to most cats. She's also chill with dogs she knows well.

She only needs 2 walks a day really. And less if my dad has people over. The activity of watching other people is generally enough to tire her out

She 100% has separation anxiety. But I feel like thats more mikes fault than anything.

Shes only ever destroyed her own toys since coming to live with us but she gets very destructive if left alone for too long (im talking like multiple days). She ate mikes mattress once.

Shes alright in our townhouse but I think she would definitely prefer more space

Shes not as gassy as layla was. Shes definitely a lot more drool-y

She was absolutely not socialized enough as a puppy (she was a covid puppy so not too surprising) but again thats more on Mike and...circumstances than her specifically. She gets nervous around too much noise and movement and especially around strangers.

#shes no longer illegal where i live lol #anway #its almost 4am. it should be almost 3am but daylight savings is a bitch

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tenseoyong · 2 years

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bambi liz i am like two seconds away from taking in a stray cat. backstory: we have strays on campus mostly from pandemic times when people got rid of their pets. last year a new cat popped up near my apartment dorm and she is so so friendly and allowed pets and rubs and at one point had a makeshift house.

but now the novelty has worn off now that we’re back from summer break and when i see her sometimes she keeps getting skinner and people have stopped feeding her and her makeshift home is gone and i don’t know where she stays when it rains and we just had a thunder storm 🥹

and the cherry on top is that i learned from my professor that she used to be a past student’s cat cause she was spayed and everything and it just makes me feel so bad.

all this to say do you have any tips on how to properly take in a stray especially on a limited budget? my roommates are offering to pitch in as well for like food and supplies but i’m thinking more along the lines of vet stuff

i just really want to help her because we truly believe she’s not gonna be healthy for much longer

considering she’s technically not a “true” stray ie a completely wild cat, makes this waaaaaaay easier. she’s apparently very friendly, used to people and is fixed so hopefully that means she’s also vaccinated (because that’s really the biggest concern with stray animals, what they may have contracted), and is probably used to being inside until she was dumped.

maybe a bit controversial to say, but cats are ridiculously easy to care for—they do most of the things themselves, you just have to provide for them.

a private litter box is pretty much an absolute to have for a cat, especially one that’s been outside (I don’t have science behind it but I swear there’s something about outside cats not liking being seen when they potty, i think it’s something that leaves them exposed for ambushes so….), a plain litter box with just a basic cardboard box around it is more than enough. and I’m not sure where you’re from but the dollar store has cheap cheap boxes and litter, like maybe $2-5 dollars, along with a scoop so. litter is probably what’s going to be the most expensive part because you have to clean it twice a day.

as for food—sometimes it’ll depend on how much of a brat she is. our outside cat is a snob, and won’t eat the cheap stuff anymore and only wants wet food, so good luck hopefully she isn’t that finicky. but again, dollar stores have cheaper alternatives, usually about $3-7 for a bag. a nice scoop in the morning and at night is all she’ll need, especially if she’s lost a lot of weight, you don’t want to overfeed her and hurt her tummy. then, you can upgrade to some “better” stuff, (i switched my cats from hard food which isn’t the best for them, think of it as like junk food for people. it’s good, yeah, but not the best. and ended up buying cans, which they like waaay more and seems to give them more energy). maybe even your people will pitch in for a nicer end wet food here or there.

toys are simple. a ball of paper will do. but again, dollar stores have really cheap packs of little puff balls and feather toys to entertain her.

something to scratch, again, even a cardboard box is pretty good. if you spray it with catnip, she’ll have a ball.

i don’t know her temperament, but no doubt she’ll need a flea bath so. you don’t have to buy expensive soaps, i always used just straight dawn dish soap. make a line around her neck so the fleas can’t get into her face and just absolutely smother her body in it—fleas won’t have a chance.

As for vets, if you said she’s fixed she’s probably vaccinated but if you could pull the money I’d get her checked out. she might have ear mites, fleas and probably ticks or something akin to that you’ll need to get medicine for.

I think that’s about it, but do keep me in the loop! i wanna know what happens and if you need any more help im here!!

#answered;

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mayakern · 3 years

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No pressure but I'd love to hear some more puppy tips! Im a recent totally independent adult and Id love to get a puppy at some point but def need some info before I take on the responsibility (I had no clue their bladder develops at 5 months even though Ive been researching which is why I wonder if you have any more tips)

sorry in advance bc this is gonna be a LOT of preamble, but any time you bring an animal into your home it’s a huge responsibility and requires a lot of preparation.

so in general i am a huge advocate for adopting adult animals, especially dogs — UNLESS you have very specific lifestyle requirements (like we do). we needed a dog that was good with cats, other dogs, AND toddlers… which is just not a thing you can easily find adopting through a shelter, especially not in our area (NYC residents snatch up all the dogs within like a 5 hour radius) and ESPECIALLY not after covid (when a ton of people adopted dogs). which meant we needed to get a puppy so we could train in the behavior we needed.

we knew we wanted a companion dog for annie and that i want to have dogs forever and that it is a LOT easier to train in a puppy if you have an adult dog to model behavior from. so with our needs in mind, we started looking for a dog that would be compatible both with our lifestyle and with annie’s personality/energy level (she is a mid to low energy sheep dog and can be kind of a crab ass, but she is also very gentle and doesn’t like playing with dogs who are bigger than her). we did our own research and also talked to a couple friends of ours who work as or have worked as vet techs/other dog jobs.

with all that in mind… a LOT of what is good for a new puppy is going to be breed specific. if you’re getting a mutt, this can be difficult because puppies can look like literally anything so you really have no idea what they are until they’ve grown up a bit — and even then it can be tricky. like, we’re PRETTY sure annie is a border collie/australian shepherd mix because she looks like a border collie but acts like an aussie, but mixed breeds can be difficult because even if you’re reasonably certain which breeds go into the grab bag that is your dog, you never know which traits actually made it in. this is part of why standardized breeds can be such a big deal, since temperament is a BIG part of the package.

we got insanely lucky with annie because we knew her original owner so we had already met (and loved) her, knew her temperament, and that she was good with cats and gentle enough that toddlers would probably be fine too.

ALL THIS TO SAY…. the 5 month bladder control is specific to shibas. other puppies might have a similar timeline but i’m not sure. also, in general it’s recommended to take your puppy out with a frequency equivalent to the amount of months they have been alive (so if 2 months, then a potty break every 2 hours). this isn’t exact and you’ll need to get to know your dog. puppies also have very small bladders and relatively little bladder control (and don’t know they need to control it) and depending on the size of the dog, it is very normal for them to need to pee within 10-30 minutes of drinking water. because of this, it’s a good idea to give your puppy periodic planned water breaks and then take them outside instead of just leaving water out all the time. one thing i have done to figure out where rodeo is at is to give him water while we’re at the park (i have a collapsible water bowl and i bring a water bottle for the 3 of us) and then time him from when he drinks to when he pees, since in that situation he has total free reign over his potty time.

puppies need a LOT of recreation and in addition to walks, they need mental stimulation. scent games are invaluable for this!! i like to scatter a mixture of kibble and treats (in small sizes) across either the backyard or a safe portion of park and let the dogs sniff out and forage. they LOVE this shit. it might take some patience with a puppy if you don’t already have an adult dog to model the behavior, but once they get it they love it (especially if you use a treat they love). i literally cannot recommend this enough, it gets out SO many puppy beans in one go and i get to just chill behind them and like play phone games or call a friend. once your dog is used to this you can gradually decrease the ratio of high value vs low value treats for this, but puppies get bored easily so i recommend like… high mid value, if that makes sense. like you don’t need to give them hot dogs for this, but they probably won’t be super pumped for just kibbles. BUT if they ever are good with just kibbies, then you can use this method for every meal and it will make them so tired. it’s great!!

aaaand my last big tip is to clicker train. this can be a bit confusing to read about so i recommend watching videos to familiarize yourself with how it works, but it is SUPER worth it! puppies pick up on reward patterns super fast but do not have a long attention span and might have no idea what you’re rewarding them for if you don’t start them out with a clicker. i can’t speak for less clever breeds, but rodeo picked up the clicker training in the first day and i accidentally trained the corgi puppy downstairs on the clicker too since he and rodeo play together so much lol.

anyway this was a horrifically long post, i hope it helps. honestly i would not recommend getting a puppy unless you can work from home and have a decent chunk of time to dedicate to raising a literal baby (in fur form).

#ask #long post #dog blogging #pet blogging

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if-mirrormine · 2 years

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i vote one of the bully breeds for a pet dog (mastiff, bulldog, bull terrier, pitbull, cane corso, boxer, great dane, rottweiler, etc) just because im biased bc i grew up with mastiffs and mastiff mixes, and i love this group of dogs so fucking much they tend to not be adopted from shelters and stuff bc they have a bad rep or are "ugly" dogs. so anytime an author goes "what kinda dog should i put in the game?", im like "i goTTA ADVOCATE FOR MY BABIES" lmao

unfortunately, tho i love the other breeds SO FUCKING MUCH (dont talk shit about pitbulls to me, i will fight a bitch about how bad/abusive dog owners have ruined their rep), the best one of the bully breeds for this game specifically would probably be a mastiff?

mastiffs esp (some famous mastiffs/mastiff adjacent dogs (eg dogue de bordeux, cane corso, etc) include: Hercules/Beast from The Sandlot, Fang/Hagrid's dog from the Harry Potter series, Spike from Dreamworks' Sinbad, Hooch from Turner & Hooch, etc) since they tend to be good "apartment dogs". bc of temperment and activity levels, yknow. theyre not a very active dog breed; they generally only want one good walk a day and minimal to moderate playing (as opposed to more active and high-energy dogs like golden retrivers or labradors, which require a lot more training), which would fit in better with a college student or detective's schedule. they dont need a LOT of training bc they wont accept much more than basic teaining lmao, theyre hilariously stubborn dogs who will go "sit?? what sit? ive never heard of sit in my life (unless you give me a treat, then im ALL about sit)"

in addition, theyre slobbery which is good for comedic reasons (just keep a couple of rags in every room. slobber when left on clothes dries like shiny water, and wiped-off slobber dries like it was never there at all. extremely easy to stain-treat) since they slobber after water/food, exercise, or when excited/anxious

but yeah. theyre a very Gentle Giant dog grouping. theyre noitroriously good with kids even though they have a scary dog bark (good security system tho lmao). theyre also very protective. and like. i can say from exp, people will either cross the street while you walk your dog (which is 90% of the time, including if they have a dog) or they will hurry over and go "OMG IS THAT A MASTIFF?? HOW CUTE" which will probably help grayson's anxiety about mc being their own the rare time it happens lmao. mastiffs that are purebred, it depends on what adjacent or subcategory you go for (eg dogue de bordeux live for 6 to 7 years, typically. but some breeds of mastiff, like neopolitans live for 8 to 10, and english mastiffs can live for 6 to 12) which not only means you will definitely have an old gray-muzzled porch puppy when mc comes back BUT ALSO can be used to imply grayson's devotion on another level. like, one blogger articulately said "[Generally,] Mastiff[ breed]s [can] live [for] 6 - 12 years. These dogs are sadly prone to developing lymphoma and bone cancer. Regular preventative vet visits are key to increasing their lifespan [...] A healthy, high-quality diet will keep your dog in good shape and prevent the early onset of arthritis or diabetes. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure when it comes to your Mastiff’s health." mastiff-mixes can live a bit longer, like my family took on a couple of mastiff-labrador mixes (ehich are called Mastadors, which is adorably badass). but? on the whole, i just think grayson being devoted to keeping a smaller-lifespan dog healthy for as long as possible is really cute and really sweet ♡ plus, this is a dog breed that shows their age so going from bby puppy to BIG PUPPY to OLD, GRAY-MUZZLED BIG PUPPY will help with mc being confronted with how much time has passed

plus, mastiffs tend to like people more than other dogs. this depends on the dog's personality, but most mastiffs ive had have preferred going to a dog park to walk around and get everyone to pet them than they do play with other dogs. in addition, my family found out we have to walk around with our mastiffs to get them to walk around (and yknow.. get exercise) at the dog park, bc if we sit?? they just sit down by us. very loving yet nonchalant protector pups. this also means, theyre a dog that is VERY OBVIOUS THAT THEYVE MISSED YOU. our mastiffs do the happy-tappy feet-dance when we picked them up from the groomers, and whined and buried their faces wherever they could reach-- not to even mention when we have gone trips, theyve been SO happy and clingy when we come home. all of them. though we picked up our dogs from shelters, so they were already Pretty Anxious Dogs that didnt like to be seperated for long (though their way of showing this wqs laying down and sighing loudly and pouting while looking longingly at the door-- rather than, like, tearing shit up like a dog wuth more energy might do (tho we have purposefully left our dogs with something of our scent to chew on while they missed us, like a used sock, but that was NECESSARY, it was just additional comfort))

also, for another piece of comedy-- our mastiffs at least (we've either had a long ass streak or this dog breed is just EXTREMELY tolerant (which they are, but shh)) have either tolerated/liked or FUCKING LOVED clothes. like dog-clothes. especially Thunder Jackets (which is a jacket you put on a dog with anxiety); but also all of ours have liked simple dog costumes, and all kinds of dog sweaters and doggy raincoats and whatnot (none of ours could keep on headgear-- like an angel's halo or a hood. but shirts, sweaters, and ponchos and the like?? hell yeah lmao)

along with their sleepy nature, they tend to really want cuddles. even tho theyre too big to be a lap dog. theyll still wanna rest their face on your lap or dig their face into your neck (esp if you let them jump or teach them how to "dance" lmao -- just be careful, their hips are one of the first things to go if theyre not healthy in their old age). ive found my mastiffs to be very emotionally supportive as a result, which probably helped out grayson both in the aftermath of mc going missing and on bad days/bad cases in general

i also wanna add the detail that mastiffs dont really "yap" which is great for apartments. they do this howl-like bark, which is admittingly v loud-- but they also dont often bark at people passing by the door or leaving a package, usually just interacting with the door (aka opening it). and their barks tend to be p singular. so theyll do a single howl-bark and maybe build up from a growl to power up a second "bark". more often, therell just be whining at the door bc they miss their owner and/or have to pee and therefore want the door opened as fast as possible. but yeah. they dont bark much; theyre p silent dogs lmao

also look at those wrinkly, drooly faces and tell me the name "Spinach Puff" isnt perfect for one of them to be named. go on and try-- you cant lmao

but yeah. i dont wanna assume youll pick mastiffs after this, bc thatd be hella entitled of me and i know theyre not a dog (and neither is the bully breed as a whole) that everyone is into. you have to be a proactive dog-owner if you have a large dog (you cant just pick them up when they misbehave (and therefore potentially never train them) like you can with small dogs). theres even a "proper way to hold the leash" for these dogs that can easily weigh 115+ pounds and be much stronger than you as a result (its essentially a modified levee system where you hold the leash upwards so, no matter how much muscle they have on you, they arent going far). but yeah-- **IF** you end up going with mastiffs, im always down to answer questions about them (and further explain the way i was taught at an early age to hold their leash-- tho there is some easy comedy for you there, behind a dog lunging and the dog-walker being dragged along after them)

i hope this helped-- either in helping you pick mastiffs/a bully breed dog, or in helping you i guess further eliminate what kinda dog you want to write (i will say-- pay attention to what kinda dog would be best for their apartment lifestyle, esp if they dont live on the first floor and therefore the dog needs to go into an elevator/down flights of stairs to go to the bathroom (my neighbors' puppy RUINED our 3rd-floor's hallway's carpet, which grayson and mc's puppy probably also did if they dont live on a first-floor lmao rip). itd be the most responsible decision for mc and grayson to have a low-energy dog that would do well in an apartment, as opposed to a higher-energy dog that would need more frequent walks and/or a backyard lmao)

hope my info-dump helps you out!! have a nice day :)

alright, i hear you loud and clear, a pet for the mc it is! be good a samaritan and help me decide what kind of pet and their name here (please).

#@ dead pet anon i'm gonna need to see this cat of yours #for research purposes #mirror mine #message received☎️#anonymous #shwarmi #kal writes if

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poppysmc · 3 years

Text

I Don't Know How You Do It But I'm Forever Ruined

Notes: This has been sitting in my drafts for so so long, unfinished with a different song and Im just obsessed with this song right now so I thought I'd go ahead and post it.. sorry for the mistakes I don't have a beta so they're all mine. I'm just slowly getting back to writing again, please be patient with me. ❤️

Song: Off my face - Justin Bieber

(One shot)

Last and certainly not the least…. Ms. Morgan Hughes, she’ll be gracing us with her angelic voice, singing… uhh… Off my face? Thomas reads the cue cards, slightly puzzled, he thought Morgan would be doing stand-up, he and Morgan’s posse endured long nights of practicing her stand-up routine and now she’s just gonna sing, it’s not even vetted on.

He glances to the side, silently confirming if it was right. Morgan nods and smiles nervously. He in turn smiles back, giving an encouraging thumbs up and a whisper of ‘good luck’ as she takes to the stage.

Some of the audience chuckled at the name choice, adding to the ever growing lump lodged in her throat. This is definitely not her best idea and before she could go ranting about the title, some of her friends clapped and cheered, giving her a slight boost of confidence.

She wrote thet a few months ago, absently plucking at the guitar strings. She’s got the same few chords stuck in her head for week. Only god knows how she pulled the lyrics out of her muddled brain.

How does one go about sharing her feelings for someone who has no idea? Said someone sitting front and center with a scowl, sitting next to her parents. She has no idea she wrote it for her, she sighs in relief.

For a split second she could see Poppy’s attention snap up to her, smirking and raising her eyebrow in question. Morgan rolls her eyes at her and settled into her chair and just like Poppy’s face never moved, her scowl was back in place, listening to Chloe rant about her talent to her right.

She starts plucking out the intro, it’s now or never.

One touch and you got me stoned

Higher than I’ve ever known

You call the shots and I’ll follow

Sunrise but the night’s still young

No words but we’re speaking tongues

If you let me I might say too much

Sometimes people just enter your life and burrow themselves so deep into it that for the life of you, you couldn't remember when it all started. This case was different, Morgan could vividly remember a day it all changed, how it became harder for her to even look Poppy in the eye for more than a few seconds. How her warm touch roughly pulling her back to the argument now seemed to burn through her sleeves, pressure slightly softer. She used to meet her hot gaze, faces only inches apart spitting out vicious insults without thinking much, now she didn’t have the same fire in her veins she seemed to have arguing with Poppy.

The need to antagonize her fizzled into something else, a warmth that threatens to overtake her made itself a home in her chest.

---------------

Morgan wanted to stay home, as much as she enjoyed parties, it wasn’t something she wanted to do regularly. Sometimes it gets a little too much to handle, the music felt too loud, the people got too close, the eyes on her felt stifling. She wanted to be free just this one night out of expectant looks but Zoey is too convincing, her puppy dog eyes are too powerful for a mere mortal like herself. She made a condition to just be at the party no over the top expensive clothes, just herself.

“I’ll come but just to be your glorified chauffer.” She dresses herself in something simple, a pair of black pants and flannel. “I just want to be invisible this one night, Zo.”

“Fine by me, but if your fashion choices end up splashed all over The T tomorrow don’t come crying to me.” Zoey shakes her head, the slight dig on her wardrobe is softened by a thankful grin.

“You get dragged on The T once, and no one lets you live it down.”

“Because I’m pretty certain I said don’t go out in that, it’s suicide. So yeah I would never let it go, you wore socks with your flip-flops and had the audacity to show yourself in public.”

“It’s not even my fault, sunny ran out the door. I had no time to check what I was wearing."

“You’ll never learn. Whatever will you do without me?” Zoey smirks and shakes her head affectionately. "Stop stalling and let’s go. My carriage awaits dear chauffer.”

“Yeah, yeah. Please allow me to escort you down, boss.” Morgan bumps her shoulders with Zoey as she passes by to grab her jacket. She opens the door and offers her arm, Zoey laughs and loops her arms around hers.

The party was already in full swing once they arrived. The music was blaring; the bass makes Morgan’s chest thump along erratically with every beat. “Text me, okay? I’ll make myself scarce.”

“Sure. Thanks for driving.” Zoey winks and beelines for the bar. In a few seconds she loses sight of her.

Morgan trudges through the house, the crowd gradually thins as she makes her way farther to the back. She exhales in relief finally free of the maze of drunk students with no boundaries, nobody seemed to pay attention to her, thank god for the dim lighting. The backdoor swings open, she breathes in the crisp night air. The door shuts and party fades into muffled thumps. She sat on the porch steps, her side leaning against the banister, oblivious to the pair of eyes quietly observing her.

After a minute of silence, Morgan sucked air through her clenched teeth, surprised at hearing someone pointedly clearing their throat behind her. The rate in which her head whipped back almost made her dizzy. When she recognizes who the person was, she could already feel the headache coming through, she almost swallows her tongue in disbelief. Of all the people she didn’t want to see her tonight was Poppy, yet here she was, alone with her.

“What are you doing back here?” Poppy asked, voice devoid of any venom just genuinely curious.

“Do I need permission to be? Who made you queen?” Morgan scoffs, the slight bite in her voice comes through and makes Poppy smirk.

“Belvoire.” Poppy cheekily answers, earning an undignified snort from Morgan. The slight tension momentarily forgotten.

“Should have seen that coming.”

“The party’s raging inside and little miss newbie sits here. What are you doing, really?” Poppy asks not unkindly, voice tinged with concern and curiosity.

“I could ask the same to you.”

“I asked first.” Poppy frowns impatiently.

Morgan sighs, opting to just answer just to avoid trouble. She didn’t have the energy to make up excuses nor to argue. “I don’t feel like partying today. I’m just waiting for Zoey to get flat out drunk and drive her home. My turn.”

“It’s- It’s overwhelming inside. I just want to be alone for a while.” The honesty in Poppy’s answer momentarily throws her off.

“Do you want me to go?” Morgan asks, feeling like she’s intruding. This must be the longest record they ever had being civil to one another, actually speaking without the sarcastic comments and the insults. It makes her feel out of place and awkward.

“You could do whatever you want. I’m not the queen of anything right now.” Right, cause technically it's Chloe. There’s something in her tone that makes Morgan’s heart clench, yet she shrugs it off as the bass from the party. To Morgan’s never ending surprise, the blonde pats the spot next to her on the bench. “The floor is filthy.” Poppy clarifies when she makes no move to stand. A disarming smile crosses her face, Morgan guessed her hesitation must have been showing.

Morgan stands and dusts herself off. “Who are you and what have you done to Poppy?” She asks with a grateful smile, sitting down the furthest she could from the other girl.

“I have half the mind to kick you off this bench.” Poppy grumbles.

“There she is.”

Poppy huffs out a half laugh and after that there’s just silence. After a while she could see the slight tremble in Poppy’s hand in her periphery. She wordlessly shrugs off the coat she’s wearing and offers it to the other girl.

“What?” Poppy blinks, eying her coat suspiciously, making Morgan chuckle in disbelief.

“You’re cold. Take it or go inside.”

“Fine.” Poppy slips on the offered garment, appreciating the warmth it gave to her cold limbs. She wasn’t thinking while she burrowed herself further, letting Morgan’s scent envelope her. She stared at Morgan, feeling guilty for a moment. She moves closer, Morgan shivers when their shoulders touched. "Thanks." Poppy whispers, if it wasn't for their proximity, Morgan might have missed it. She hoped the shadows hid the small smile spreading to her lips.

“I’m sorry for taking your coat. I just couldn’t go back inside. I-” Poppy trails off, breaking her gaze away and staring farther up the yard.

“It’s okay, I offered. You don’t have to explain anything.” Morgan understood, after today everything changed, she lost her spot to one of her friends. Morgan was somewhat surprised that instead of Poppy's explosive anger, she opted to just sit here and mope.

She jumps a little when her phone vibrates in her pocket, she could see Poppy smirk in the corner of her eye.

"Jumpy."

She reads the text and taps a reply, frowning. She turns to Poppy. She doesn't even know why she's explaining but it felt wrong to just go without saying anything. A part of her wanted to make this moment stretch a little longer, so she hesitates.

“Apparently Zoey doesn’t need me to drive her back. So... I guess I'll head back home." Morgan stands not having an excuse to stay longer and makes her way to the door, hands hovering over the door knob to open it but not before doing something stupid like asking her so called enemy if she wanted to drive around for a while.

“So… Do you still want company? We could drive around for a while?” Morgan mentally chastises herself for the suggestion. Of course Poppy would say no it’s not like she-

Morgan looks back at Poppy, she sees her worrying her bottom lip between her teeth in thought. Morgan’s gaze flickers down to her lips, wondering if they’re as soft as they looked. The moment passed and she breaks her gaze away just as Poppy decided.

“Sure but let me just get my stuff.” Poppy stands and makes her way to the door, Morgan standing motionless, hand over the handle. She reaches for it, her fingertips grazing Morgan’s, the slight static made her pull her hand away abruptly.

“Sorry.” Morgan breaks through her short circuited brain and moves to hold the door open for Poppy. “I’ll wait for you out front.” Morgan makes her way back through the crowd, her mind reeling at what happened back there and what mess she got herself into.

---------------

She continued singing, her eyes accidentally meeting Poppy’s gaze again, her scowl was replaced by an unreadable expression, attention now focused solely on her and Morgan almost faltered. She breaks eye contact and stares at the back wall, ignoring the burning gaze upon her from those familiar eyes.

Your touch blurred my vision

It’s your world and I’m just in it

Even sober I’m not thinking straight

Cause I’m off my face in love with you

I’m out my head so into you

And I don’t know how you do it

But I’m forever ruined by you

-----------------------

The sound of the door opening breaks Morgan out of her deep thoughts. She could see Poppy walking towards her with a sour expression, she's still wearing Morgan's coat.

“What happened to you?” Morgan’s warm hands reaching out to her, settling comfortably on her shoulder. Poppy stares at her hands, she pulls it away like she’s been burned.

“Just drive.” Poppy mumbles, trying hard to be composed but failing.

“Where to?” Morgan pretends not to notice Poppy's agitation, barely glancing at her so she won't feel uncomfortable. She unlocks her car slipping inside while Poppy stares at the abomination in front of her.

“I don’t want to sound ungrateful but your truck is… I don’t know how to say it without offending you? But maybe it could use a good wash? Like you drove through mud to get here. I don’t know, maybe we could go to a carwash, my treat.”

"That’s about the rudest thing anyone’s ever said to me, and you said a lot of insulting things before." Morgan rolls her eyes. “She doesn’t mean that Betty, you just got a little mud on you.” She murmurs quietly.

“You named your car… Betty?”

“What? No I didn’t.” Morgan could see Poppy’s amused smirk even in her periphery.

“You’re such a dork.” Poppy can’t help but laugh at her mortified expression.

Morgan distracts herself from the rapidly rising heat on her neck by fiddling with the radio before driving off. The sweet sound of the guitar filtered through the car and she smiles triumphantly, previous embarrassment pushed to the back of her mind. She doesn't notice Poppy's expression soften.

Morgan drives her car through the carwash. They watched the water and the soap assault her car, the material of the brushes made a repetitive sound along with one of her favourite songs. Poppy had her seat leaned back, watching the machine rid the car of dust and mud. There was something mildly intimate about it, Morgan could move her right hand then they would be grazing Poppy’s, she could do it, she wanted to do it. But all she could manage was a slight twitch in her pinky, her hand doesn't move any closer.

“Do you ever feel like there’s a hundred people around you in a room, yet you feel alone?” Poppy breaks the silence, tilting her head slightly to the left to look at Morgan.

“Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes people may be looking at you yet feel as if their staring right through you, like your nothing. Oh! Like a ghost.” This makes Poppy chuckle.

“Yeah like that. It would have been easier if we were ghosts at least then you know why.”

“Did you feel like that back at the party?” Morgan wanted to say how that would have been impossible that no one could have seen her, she’s seeing her now. She wondered how could anyone ever take their eyes of her, she always seemed to be the brightest thing in any room she entered and now even in this dingy carwash she looked so radiant. How sometimes she thinks that she picks fights with her just for a chance to be bathed in her light. Thoughts she doesn't think would ever cross her mind trickled slowly and became a raging river. Now that she found herself here with her, without anything familiar to fall back on, anything just to distract herself out of her dangerous thoughts.

“Yeah, I don’t know. It was easier to be alone than surrounded but feeling alone. Do you get it? At least I know, I chose to be alone.”

“I get it.” If she had the ability to say more she would have but these few pathetic words are all she could manage. This time her hand reaches to squeeze Poppy’s. A quiet comfort to reinforce her words, she understood.

“Thank you.”

Whatever atmosphere they created in that moment fell apart when Morgan had to move her car forward and exited the wash.

“Where to now?”

“Your turn to choose.” Poppy mumbles, still staring blankly outside.

“Okay, I know a place. You're gonna love it."

“I’m not going to let you pick anymore.” Poppy complains, standing in front a fluorescent lit diner. It almost glowed but in a weird way, like a bat signal for the weary.

“Hey! They make the best food.” Morgan steps forward and drags her companion along when she hesitated.

Warmth and the ambient sound of cutlery grazing the plates makes Morgan smile. She always came here when she’s feeling lonely, missing her parents, their farm or when she’s stressed from school, for trying to fit in like a robot.

“Come. Don’t just stand there.” Morgan looks back at Poppy, her breath caught in her throat. Poppy looked ethereal against the most basic place there ever is. If you said diners were some kind of portal to somewhere else she’d accept it and move on, for she looked like she existed out of place, alien, untouchable as she was beautiful. For the second time this day her gaze flickers to Poppy’s lips, she realizes that she’s saying something and Morgan’s mortified of being caught staring like a fool.

“What? Is something on my face?” Poppy is thankfully oblivious.

“No, it’s perfect.” Morgan quietly whispers while Poppy checks herself in the diner’s window, her words falling into deaf ears.

Morgan balls up pieces of her straw paper places it over some torn up tissues, stacked together. She’s fidgeting under Poppy’s presence; she doesn’t know what to do with her hands.

She's startled when Poppy lightly grasps her hands stopping it from tearing up another piece of paper. It’s been minutes of watching Morgan tear up even rectangles of several tissues, a girl could only take so much.

“You’re making a mess.” Poppy chastises her like a child. She would have laughed but Poppy still hasn’t let go of her hand, it’s making her blush like an idiot.

“Sorry. It’s just that the food is taking a while huh?” Morgan stealthily tries to take her hand back but Poppy only holds it tighter. When they're not arguing, Morgan found that she doesn't know how else to act around her.

“Stop tearing paper like confetti.”

“Sorry.” Morgan sheepishly apologizes and Poppy lets go of her hand, hiding hers under the table, flexing it, she could still feel the warmth of her hand in hers.

The food arrives and Morgan smiles widely. Poppy stares, pretending she's interested in what food Morgan ordered. She admits to herself that for all the times she stared at her she never noticed how beautiful Morgan’s smile was. Arguing doesn't leave one space to insert a smile. It made her heart skip, imagining how it would be like if it was directed at her.

She almost misses Morgan stealing a fry off her plate. “Hey! If you wanted some you should have bought your own or at least politely asked.” Poppy mock glares at her companion, taking one of the crumpled balls and flicking it, hitting Morgan right between the eyes. They watched as the paper landed right into Morgan’s half empty milkshake glass.

"Your face!" Poppy laughs, wishing she could have captured it on camera.

Morgan found that she liked Poppy's laugh when it was genuine. “You better buy me another. You ruined mine.”

“What? It’s almost all gone anyway. All the needless calories you’re consuming will bite you in the ass someday.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“Just have the rest of mine.” Poppy slides over her milkshake, Morgan grins and takes a sip right into Poppy’s straw. Poppy noticed first, eyes widening. Did She just… A revolting question crossed her mind, how would ‘Morgan’s lips feel like pressed to mine.’ Shes never felt jealous of a piece of plastic before in her life.

Morgan freezes when she realized what she’s done. She just had an indirect kiss with Poppy through the straw. “Sorry. I got excited.”

Poppy opens a new straw for her water, blowing the other end right into Morgans face, another bulls eye, she’s killing it. “Don’t overthink it.” She dismisses the act but her brain does summersaults inside her skull.

They finished eating, the last few of Poppy’s fries stolen right under her nose. She pretends she doesn’t see her sneaking a few of the fries away, she just lets her. Mind preoccupied with important things like Morgan’s lips.

------------------

Can’t sleep ‘cause I’m way too buzzed

Too late now you’re in my blood

I don’t hate the way you keep me up

Your touch blurred my vision

It’s your world and I’m just in it

Even sober I’m not thinking straight

Even if she doesn't look or at least tries her hardest not to, she could feel Poppy's gaze on her, burning, willing her eyes to look back. There's something wildly intimate about singing a song to someone and in the sea of strangers you know it's just for them. No matter how many people sang it, to another, to themselves or just for the heck of it, the song only belongs to the person you made it for. Just for her. They could never feel the way she felt when she wrote it, how her feelings were entwined with every word.

In her periphery she could see Poppy stand and make excuses to her parents. She left, she didn't see where she went, she doesn't dare look anywhere near where she was, she's a coward like that. All she could feel is disappointment. It takes everything in her not to show it on her face. Was it too late to change her talent to stand up?

----------------------------------

"Come on Poppy, pick a place already. I've been driving around for hours! People will think we're stalking someone around here." Morgan whines in the driver seat taking yet another turn around the block.

"It's been exactly 20 minutes. You're such a baby." Poppy looks at her phone for any places that might still be open around this time. "Turn right, that's not right. Right! Not left."

"Great, now were going in circles. Pull over." Poppy grumbles.

"What?" Morgan looks confused for a moment but does what she’s told anyway, parking along the street.

"Get out." Poppy moves to exit the car.

"What are you..?"

"I'm not gonna hijack your car, just let me drive. You suck at following directions."

"...."

They switch seats, Morgan slumps and mopes in hers. Poppy fights back a smile.

“Would you look at that it only took 2 minutes.” Poppy smiles smugly.

“I did all the navigating you only had to turn once.” Morgan complains, getting out of the car and looking around the parking lot. “What the hell Poppy, a 711? You could have told me, I could have turned anywhere and found one.”

“Like hell you could. You don’t even know your left from your right.” Poppy laughs at Morgan’s offended expression. They walked in, shoulders brushing together and Morgan shivers, insisting to herself that it’s because it’s cold.

Poppy smiles, victoriously pulling out what they came here for out of the fridge.

“A freaking capri sun? We drove all the way here for that?” Morgan complains, ready to throttle Poppy. Though there’s something endearing in her expression, that proud smile for finding something she was looking for.

“Just go find something you want.” Poppy shoos her away, grabbing a few more pouches of juice. She shakes her head and walks off in search of snacks.

Morgan comes back with an armful of sweets and chips.

“We just ate. What are you doing? Take these back, I won't buy you all these.”

“You said something I like. I like them all. Come on aren't you rich?” Morgan dumps her haul in the counter, the cashier looking back and forth from them, looking for a sign that it’s okay to scan the items.

“Are you just an overgrown kid or what?”

“Pop, you just bought a juice in a pouch, you have no right to judge me.”

“Fine.”

Morgan carries three bags worth of snacks back to the car, Poppy not attempting to lift a finger just because she paid.

“Your turn. Pick a place.”

Minutes later they're on a cliff overlooking the city. Fading notes from a song playing in Morgan’s car filtered to the back.

“I'm surprised you didn't get lost.”

“I don't suck at directions. You're the one that sucked at giving them.” Morgan says in self-defence. She unlatches the back so they could sit on it, holding Poppy’s waist, helping her up. If Poppy noticed her hands shake, she didn’t say anything. They sat closer together, leaning against the side. She could feel the cold seeping into her shirt, making her shiver. Poppy notices and moves to take Morgan's coat off.

“No. Keep it on.” Morgan stops her, cold hands over equally cold ones.

“But you're cold.”

“I'm not.” Morgan attempts to refute it but her hands are freezing.

“I can see your teeth chattering.”

“I like it on you.” She smiles softly.

“What?”

“I don't want you to be cold. Just take it, don’t be stubborn.”

“If you speak of this to anyone, I would personally kill you in your sleep.”

“Why would you do- oh.” Morgan stared in confusion, then realization.

Poppy moved to sit in the space between her legs, leaning her back into Morgan, taking her hands and wrapping them to her waist. Her hands rubbing over Morgan's freezing ones. To say that she was now warm was an understatement, she was burning from the blush that overtook her body.

“If you wanted to be near me so bad you could've just asked.” Morgan grins, chin propped on Poppy's shoulder.

Poppy huffs and attempts to get up. Morgan's arms stop her, wrapping tighter, keeping her in place. “Don't move, I might freeze to death.”

“That's what I thought.”

They had a toast with the Capri sun pouches, laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. They sat there talking for hours, the company was too enjoyable to give in to exhaustion or cold.

From the time they were talking Poppy shifted her position, now sitting on Morgan's lap, staring up at her while she told a story about their farm animals, making her scrunch her nose in disgust at one of her retellings.

They stared at the sky surprised to see the day chasing the night away. How long have they been talking? Morgan looks at her phone and even more surprised that it's nearly 6am. Time went by so fast.

“I always wanted to see the sunrise from here. Thanks for the company.” Morgan smiles softly, running her fingers through her hair to distract herself from Poppy.

No one mentioned how one of their hands are still interlaced together or how Morgan's thumb drew circles on the back. Especially not Poppy's lips softly grazing the underside of her jaw.

They watched in silence, both aware that as the night was done, so will this new moment they found together.

“I'll take you to back to your dorm.” Morgan reluctantly says, unwilling to move. It was Poppy who moved off her first.

Morgan slides off the back of her truck smirking at Poppy. “Want a piggy back ride?”

Poppy scoffs. But positions herself anyway, her arms wrapped on Morgan's shoulders, Morgan's hands holding her legs securely as she closes the small distance to the front of her car.

They drove back in silence, neither speaking of the moment, afraid it will be over soon.

Morgan stops her car in front of Poppy’s sorority house, tapping her fingers anxiously against the steering wheel. No one talked nor moved for a minute or two, they just stared at each other feeling the change in whatever relationship they previously held. Poppy’s alarm goes off, effectively ruining their moment.

“I guess... I'll see you later. Good Morning, Poppy.” Morgan smiles softly, hands gripping the steering wheel too tightly, knuckles going white, stopping herself from reaching out.

“I’ll… see you later. Thank you for driving me around.” They both know they will see each other but not in the same capacity as tonight, they will be back to being rivals, enemies, whatever the school made them out to be. She could see Poppy fighting a losing battle against herself before she reached out and kissed the corner of Morgan's mouth. She turns away like nothing happened and exits the car without looking back.

-------------------

Cause I’m off my face in love with you

I’m out my head so into you

And I don’t know how you do it

But I’m forever ruined by you

Cause I’m off my face in love with you

I’m out my head so into you

And I don’t know how you do it

But I’m forever ruined by you

Morgan stands and bows to the applause, yet she felt empty. It all felt useless somehow, she wasn't even there to hear the rest of it. She makes her way backstage, turning the corner as the next talent comes up. She felt like running but before she could turn and walk away, Poppy pushes herself off the wall and approached her. She gulped, unsure of what to do.

“Your voice is very beautiful.” Poppy tells her, voice almost as soft as a whisper. She's searching Morgan’s terrified eyes for something. “The song, did you write it?” She asks all the while moving closer, hands fiddling with the lapel of Morgan’s suit.

All she could do is nod, not trusting her voice at the moment. She takes a step back and another and another until her back is against the wall but Poppy follows her every step. Thank god they seemed alone or she would have burst into flames in embarrassment. Poppy steps closer until their bodies are almost touching.

“Who did you write that song for?”

“I...”

“Tell me.” Poppy looks up almost pleading, wanting to hear what she hoped to.

“It’s for you.” Morgan presses herself even more to the wall, wishing it would just swallow her up. She closes her eyes but it flies open when she heard Poppy gasp. “Are you surprised or?” Morgan trails off, observing Poppy’s expression going from astonished, to happy and outright tearing up.

“I can’t believe you wrote that song for me, I thought that there was someone else.” Poppy breathes in relief, Morgan’s hands wrap around her waist, supporting her weight.

“Just you.” Morgan says breathlessly. Watching her break into a smile made all the nerves she had vanish. She pulls her into a tight hug, smiling when she feels Poppy sink into the embrace. Her head leans on her shoulder and she rests her cheek on her hair. Poppy pulls back and smiles before leanig up and kissing Morgan.

#poppy x mc #poppy min sinclair #fanfic #we dont hava capri sun only zesto #one shot #please go easy on me whoever reads

60 notes · View notes

writerofblocks · 3 years

Note

*sneaks this in* Bridget/Troy - things you said with no space between us (or) things you didn’t say at all

This was. From a long ass time ago. BUT ITS FINISHED NOW SO IM POSTING IT.

Sleepless in Stilwater

“Three.”

“Hmm?”

Troy held up three fingers. “That’s the third time you’ve yawned in as many minutes. And I’d be okay with that if you weren’t, you know, doin’ seventy on a forty-five mile an hour highway.”

Bridget broke eye contact with the road long enough to give him a sidelong glare that would wither a lesser man. “I’m not the only one doing their best Fast and the Furious impression out there,” she irritably shot back. A sports car rushed past them with an ear splitting squeal that made Troy jump, and she gestured at it. “See?”

Troy sunk back into the leather seat of the [insert car model here], returning her glare with one of his own. “That’s not the point and you know it. The point is I’d rather not end up a red smear on the pavement because my wheel man fell asleep at the goddamn wheel.”

“Oh, is that all I-” Her mouth cracked open into another face-splitting yawn; she barely managed to hide it behind her hand. “-all I am to you? Your wheel man?”

“Four. And don’t give me that crap, you’re the one that called dibs on driving.”

“I only called dibs cause you drive like a grandma on a broken scooter.”

“You mean I drive the speed limit.”

Bridget ignored him. “Besides,” she said, swerving around a semi-truck sharp enough to make him grab at the handle above the passenger window, “I’ve got places to be after this. Julius called me about a-” she let out another yawn. “-about a storage place, said the Rollerz keep their best wheels there.”

A smirk crossed Troy’s face. He waited until Bridget’s attention was on him before he held up five fingers and wiggled them. It was worth it to see the way her eyebrows dropped into a sharp V before she jabbed a finger in his direction. “Don’t you fucking say it.”

“Don’t need to say anything.”

The one finger swiftly flipped upward into giving him the bird as she returned her attention to the highway. “You’re lucky I don’t throw you out on the highway this second,” she growled, though a smile playing at the corners of her lips undercut the hostile tone.

Troy chuckled, then settled back in his seat enough to look out the car window. Stilwater was a shithole on a good day, but the oranges, purples, and blues of sunset colored the world into something more palpable to take in. Light bounced off the towering buildings of Downtown, harsh edges and cold, reflective glass softening under the gentle touch of twilight. But you could only watch buildings whiz by for so long. His gaze, as it so often did in these rare quiet moments, returned to her.

As much as he bitched about it, there was one thing he didn’t mind about Bridget being the go-to driver. It allowed him time to just… take her in. Look openly, without other people seeing and giving him crap for being lovestruck. Without her giving him crap for being lovestruck, because even after the months they’ve been together she still shied away from open affection more often than not. She cuts the sentiment with a joke, or by teasing him, or some combination of both. He doesn’t mind it- he wonders sometimes if he’s a glutton for punishment, given his career path and choice of romantic partner, but he doesn’t mind being so. Not with her around.

So he looks at her. The way her eyelids keep fluttering slightly, only for her to stubbornly hold them back open. The dark circles he’d think were black eyes if they weren’t only on her lower eyelids. She’s tapping her fingers on the steering wheel, jiggling the leg not in charge of the pedals. Any motion to tell her body it isn’t time to sleep yet. He’d make a joke about looking in a mirror if seeing it didn’t bother him so much.

That was the downside of being undercover. You got real good at seeing things people tried to hide. He had to say something. He opened his mouth, and...

“For real, though. You look like shit. Have you slept at all?”

And of course something stupid came out. Miracle of miracles, she scoffed instead of chucking him onto the highway. “Bold move to question my sleeping habits. How many used coffee mugs are on your desk again?”

Troy chose to ignore her words. “Look man, just-” He sighed, running a hand down his face. “-go home. Take a shower or something. Get some food. You need a break, Bridge.”

Bridget’s face was impassive, staring straight forward as she shifted the car into the express lane. “Can’t. Julius-”

Enough of this. “Did he tell you to do it tonight?” he asked, cutting her off before she could restate whatever bullshit task Julius had given her to do on top of everything else he’d piled on her. For fuck’s sake, sometimes it felt like she was carrying the whole gang by herself in between the tasks Julius sent down the pipeline and the duties she’d taken on herself to perform.

The glare she gave him could melt permafrost. “No.”

“Then do it tomorrow when you’re fresh.”

“I’m fresh enough,” she bit out. “You’re worrying way too much-”

The words burst from his chest before he could vet them. “I’m worrying the right goddamned amount for someone watching a person he cares about take way more shit on than she needs to.”

Bridget’s eyes went wide, whatever she’d been about to say dying in her open mouth.

Troy ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know if this is some macho attempt to prove yourself or some shit, but you don’t have to do this. Slow down. Take care of yourself. Just- please.”

She was quiet for several minutes, eyes locked on the road as she slowed to match the speed of traffic. He’d almost given up on getting a response before she spoke again. “I won’t go to the storage place tonight. It’s-” She swallowed. “It’s late. Rollerz’ll be getting the cars out for races by now, there’s bound to be way more hanging around than during the day.”

He knows those justifications. Her saying he’s right without saying it directly. When she spoke again, her voice was careful. “Got anything else going on later?”

Manila folders scattered across a coffee table, a rapidly growing pile of cigarette stubs as he figures out the best way to ruin his friend’s lives-

“Nothing that can’t wait.”

When Bridget had first joined the Saints, Troy had thought her unreadable. It was easier now to read her once he knew what to look for. Her rubbing her thumb against the side of her index finger- something self soothing. Bouncing her leg- buying time to think. The lift of her head to look at him directly- she was searching him, weighing his reaction. “Feel like staying over?”

Always. “If you want me to.”

The tension in Bridget’s shoulders dissipated, and she gave him a small smile. “Of course I do, that’s why I asked,” she replied, punching him in the arm. “Dumbass.”

===

Rain tapped an improv jazz rhythm on the glass of Bridget’s bedroom window, and Troy couldn’t sleep. Blame the cigarettes, the coffee, the crippling anxiety and paranoia. The cause ultimately didn’t matter, the effect was the digital clock on Bridget’s bedside table hit 2AM and he was no closer to falling asleep than he was when he originally lay down. Bridget, though. Bridget had been asleep the moment her head touched the pillow. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel a moment of satisfying vindication.

He rolled over, resting a hand on her arm.

It was strange to see Bridget asleep. If Bridget was awake, she was moving- tapping her foot, shifting from side to side. She bounced her heels if a meeting went too long, rattling the table until he placed a hand on her thigh to get her to stop (among… other reasons). If she chose to talk, she talked with her whole body, her hands dancing in the air. Even when she was seated and still, a part of her still seemed to tremble with energy, anticipation and eagerness. Not now, though. Now she laid there, the rise and fall of her chest the only motion. Light drifted through the cracks in the blinds from the streetlight outside her window, resting softly on the freckles on her cheeks.

His hand traveled down her arm, into the dip of her waist, over the swell of her hip bone. Bridget wasn’t a paper-thin waif by any stretch of the imagination, but without the bulk of her sweatshirt to fill out her usual silhouette, she looked… smaller. More vulnerable. Which was ridiculous, he’d seen what she could do with a gun- hell, forget a gun, he’d seen the havoc she created with her fists alone- but somehow. Somehow that veneer was stripped away in the hazy orange light of a half-dead lamppost bulb, and the only thing left was a tired twenty-one year old who needed a hell of a lot more sleep than she was getting.

Christ. She really was twenty-one, wasn’t she? The face she wore around the other Saints made her seem older than that. It was all harsh angles and stony silences, only a twitch of a smile or a slight furrow in her brow betraying the emotions running electric through her veins. The uncertainty there at the beginning had long since suffocated under a rap sheet he hated to tally up in his head. It was a thing with no remorse, and little room for mercy.

And yet that face was forgotten in her sleep. The ever present tension slackened, releasing that hardened shell and letting it fall away in favor of something softer. She denied the existence of that softness, but he knew. He was allowed to know, he realized, warmth settling in his chest at the thought. Of all people, she’d offered that gift to him.

And it’s a gift you’ll lose soon.

The thought cut a sharp line through the haze, frozen against the warmth of the moment. Troy stilled, his hand resting on her waist. Somewhere in between the light on her cheeks and the slow, steady rise and fall of her chest, he’d forgotten what would be waiting for them. That as much as he tried to dodge and delay, the day Chief Monroe decided it was time to pull the plug on the Saints was coming sooner than later- and Bridget, ambitious and unknowing, was only hastening that end.

His sigh was frayed, thin and trailing off into nothing. This relationship was never going to last forever. He’d known that going in, had willingly condemned them both to heartbreak, but it hadn’t mattered then. That future had drowned in the affection in her gaze. The warmth of her laughter. The spark of her lips on his. But now…

Troy cupped Bridget’s cheek, pressing his forehead gently against hers as he closed his eyes. “I’m gonna miss you,” he whispered. He had to say it, just once. Even if she didn’t hear it- since she would never hear it- it needed to escape before it withered under his held tongue. It needed to exist, just for a moment, all his regrets pouring into that simple, weighted phrase.

At some point she’d wake up, either through him gently shaking her or her own merit. Either way she’d grouch at him for not waking her up sooner, blinking blearily at him in a hopelessly endearing way she’d punch him for if he ever mentioned it. She’d whip the covers off of both of them, laughing when he protests. Showers would follow, breakfast of some sort, and time would continue to march forward to that inevitable, heartbreaking point.

But that was a future they didn’t have to face yet. For now, they could stay like this- curling into each other, breath to breath and at peace.

For now, he’d save her a rude awakening.

#writers writes things #otp: troyget #oc: bridget summers #troy bradshaw #saints row

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agustdakasuga · 4 years

Text

A Place Called Home | Chapter 20

Genre: Hybrid!AU, Poly!AU?, Soulmate AU, romance, fluff, humour

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Characters: vet!reader, Arcticfox!Seokjin, Panther!Yoongi, Goldenretriever!Hoseok, Wolf!Namjoon, Calicocat!Jimin, Tiger!Taehyung, Rabbit!Jungkook

Summary: Having saved your own injured hybrid, you were determined to try and help any other hybrid that crossed your path who needed saving. But being a vet in a small hospital wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to do more, you wanted to make a difference. You wanted to give them a home.

The ring is quick to put the hybrids to work. You can only watch on in despair as the ring continues to break you and your family.

Chapter warning(s): Angry cursing, needle/drug abuse, violence, slight gore, killing, death. Please read at your own discretion

“Time to make a comeback, Yoongi.” Boss Im came in just as the sun was setting, a cigarette hanging from his lips. Yoongi was hunched as he growled at Boss Im, his tail straightened in attention. Boss Im had made all the hybrids wear collars, even Hoseok and Jimin. One of the henchmen hooked a leash to the collar around Yoongi’s neck.

“I have a lot of money on you tonight. Make me proud.” Boss Im ruffled Yoongi’s hair.

“Yoongi.” You called out softly, looking at him through the bars.

“Don’t worry, doctor. You’ll be escorted to your front row seat soon enough.” Boss Im smirked and they walked away. You watched as Yoongi was dragged out of the basement.

Yoongi hadn’t fought or trained in 3 years. You didn’t doubt his strength and capability but you knew that these fights were played dirty. If they put Yoongi against some trained hybrid who has been fighting non-stop, there is no chance Yoongi would win.

“Joon, what’s going to happen?” You asked, panicking.

“We’re usually injected with steroids and hormones that make us feral. Boss Im won’t bet big considering Yoongi hyung hasn’t been active for years. I wouldn’t worry too much now.” Namjoon sighed.

“H-He won’t die, r-right?”

“Boss won’t let him. As he said earlier, there’s a lot of money on Yoongi. Boss will only send us to fight fights that he knows we’ll win.” Namjoon explained.

“Showtime, doctor.” Someone came down to grab you. Jimin and Hoseok tried to hold onto you but the man took a gun out, aiming it at them. The two cowered away.

“It’s okay.” You told them as you were taken away.

“Now you’ll see how my little monsters work.” Boss Im smirked as you were forced to sit on the ground beside his chair. You looked at the ground and Boss Im clicked his tongue, waving his hand. Rough hands grabbed your face from the back, forcing you to face the ring and watch the match. The announcer stepped into the middle.

“The fight that everyone has been waiting for. The comeback of our black panther! Yoongi!” The announcer pointed to the side and the crowd cheered.

“Yoongi...” You whispered as you watched him get pushed out into the ring. He stumbled slightly.

“It’ll be the battle of the felines! Panther against jaguar!” The announcer pointed to the other side and the jaguar hybrid pounced out. The human male quickly ran out of the ring. Yoongi eyes flashed red.

“We’re usually injected with steroid and hormones that make us feral.”

You gulped as you remembered Namjoon’s words. That was the only way they would make Yoongi willing to fight. The two hybrids circled each other and Yoongi bared his canines at the jaguar, drool dripping from the corner of his mouth as his chest heaved.

“Fight!” A loud voice announced.

The jaguar was the first to attack, pouncing towards Yoongi. Yoongi fell onto his back, making the crowd jeer.

“No!” You didn’t even know you started crying.

“You have too little faith in him, doctor.” Boss Im chuckled, lighting a cigarette. Yoongi growled and shoved the jaguar off him, clawing at his face. The jaguar hissed and went on fours.

“There we go. That’s my little monster.”

Yoongi took the chance to charge and run at his opponent, kicking him in the chest. The jaguar was not going down without a fight. He managed to grab Yoongi’s tail and chomp down, making Yoongi cry out.

“You’ll pay for that.” Yoongi growled deeply. As the fight progressed, you just prayed that Yoongi wouldn’t lose his life. The two managed to get each other a few times. It was obvious that the both of them were getting tired and running out of energy. You watched as the jaguar knocked Yoongi down. He tried to push himself up but just fell.

“Yoongi, please. No, get up.” You cried as you watched the jaguar move back to gain some distance before charging at him.

What happened next was so fast that you felt that if you blinked, you would have missed it. You opened your mouth to scream but nothing came out. The hands that held you let you go as you slumped forward.

“Good show!” Boss Im stood up, clapping.

With his last bit of energy, Yoongi managed to land a bite on the jaguar’s neck, ripping his head away. Blood was everywhere as the jaguar fell on the ground.

Dead.

You felt the urge to throw up as you watched Yoongi finally give in to fatigue and crumble on the ground.

“Do you see what I mean, doctor? Look at what a champion your precious little mate is.” Boss Im said. You just stared blankly at the ring. People rushed in to take both Yoongi and the jaguar away but you knew there was no saving the jaguar anymore.

“Tell you what, I’ll let you treat Yoongi. How does that sound?” He laughed. He smirked triumphantly at your traumatised state.

“Alright, let’s go. Take her.” You were hauled up to your feet. You didn’t even know where you were going. There were some double doors that you went through until you stopped in front of Yoongi.

“Come on? What are you waiting for?” Boss Im raised his eyebrows.

“Maybe this will give you some incentive.” You felt the cold barrel of a gun being pressed to the back of your head.

With shaky hands and tears streaming down your face, you began to treat Yoongi. He was still unconscious as you patched him up. You made sure to tape his broken ribs.

“Take them back to their cells.” You were thrown back into the cell, falling onto the concrete ground roughly. Taehyung picked the unconscious Yoongi up, laying him on his mattress. Hoseok and Jimin rushed to you but when Jimin touched you, you involuntarily flinched at his touch. Everyone was shocked at your reaction.

“(y-y/n)?” Jimin whimpered. You just curled yourself into the tightest ball on the ground, your entire being shaking as you cried softly.

Taehyung saw the amount of blood on Yoongi’s clothes and the dried blood around his mouth, knowing that whatever happened wasn’t good. It was brutal that you had to watch whatever happened.

“Namjoon.” Jin turned to the wolf.

“Ugh.” There was a deep ache in Yoongi’s bones. His whole body was stiff and it hurt just to try and lift a finger.

“Hyung.” Taehyung rushed over to help him sit up. The tiger has managed to use fabric from his ripped pant leg to wipe the blood off of the older’s body, especially his mouth.

“Water.” Yoongi choked, wheezing as he held onto his broken rib. Taehyung gave him the bowl of water, which he took a mouthful of and gargled before spitting it back out. He watched the crimson water spill from his lips and into the metal dish.

“Are you feeling okay?” Taehyung asked.

“W-Where’s (y/n)?” Yoongi ignored his question. Taehyung’s eyes shifted and he bit his lip nervously, as if unable to tell him what happened.

“She...” Taehyung looked over at your cell. Then it finally dawned on him. Everything came back to him; the hands that held him down as the needles pierced him, the jaguar, your crying face, the blood.

“No, no, no. Kitten!” Yoongi rattled the bars of your shared cell wall.

“She’s sleeping, hyung.” Hoseok whispered. Jimin was curled against your back on the mattress, his arms around you as he hummed softly in a frugal attempt to comfort you.

“F*ck!” Yoongi kicked the bars.

“Hyung, you should rest. You’re in no good shape either.” Taehyung guided him back to the beat up mattress. Yoongi slumped down, throwing his arm over his eyes as he cried. He couldn’t believe that you had to see him fight, see him kill another hybrid. A part of him began to believe what Boss Im said was true. He was a monster, he was made to kill.

“Hyung, snap out of it.” Taehyung shook him.

“Leave me alone, Tae.” Yoongi turned to face the wall. Taehyung wasn’t going to let his family fall apart when they just got back together.

“We need you, hyung. Whatever happened out there, you weren’t yourself and you know it. I’m sure (y/n) knows it well enough too. She just needs some time to process it.” Taehyung turned him back around.

“Aww, hate to break the cute moment. But it’s time to see what you’ve got, tiger.” Their cell door opened.

“Tae...” Yoongi held his hand.

“I’ll be okay, hyung.” Taehyung tried his best to force even the smallest smile as he was led away. Yoongi watched as two other men entered the canines’ cell and got Jin out too. This was going to be their test. Boss Im was going to see if they deserve to be in the ring.

Jin and Taehyung were taken to separate ‘testing’ rooms. Jin backed away slowly as they came towards him with the needle. A warning growl rumbled from his chest.

“They’re clean, boss.” One of the men handed Boss Im the files. He looked through the viewing glass. On his left, was Jin’s room while the other was Taehyung’s room. Of course, it was amusing to see the two fight his men.

“Of course they’re clean, the doctor wouldn’t let them be anything else but clean.” Boss Im smirked.

“Come here, kitty.” The man mockingly called Taehyung.

“Get away from me.” Taehyung hissed. He tried to claw the man but that proved to be a bad move as the man grabbed his wrist and pushed him onto the ground. Two more men helped to pile on him.

“Let me go!” Taehyung struggled.

“Quick.” The men held the needle. Taehyung screamed as he felt the thing needle pierce into the side of his neck. He thrashed around and growled. They backed away as Taehyung’s eyes dilated. Jin wasn’t doing too well with fighting the men off either. Boss Im laughed as the men came out of the respective rooms, leaving the feral hybrids.

“What shall we do, boss?”

“Let’s see them fight.” Boss Im shrugged.

“Who shall we send in?”

“No, no. Let them fight. Each other.” Boss Im smiled. The separating wall between the rooms slowly opened up and the two hybrids were face to face with each other.

“My little monsters.” Boss Im lit his cigarette as he watched the two lunge at each other. Of course, they didn’t even recognise each other.

“The tiger was from a circus. The arctic fox was from a pet auction.” One of the henchman informed. This wasn’t a real fight, Boss Im wouldn’t let the actually kill each other. He just wanted to see how much real damage they could cause. Taehyung was much more agile than Jin from his circus experience.

“I’ve seen enough. Stop them. Prepare the tiger for a fight after Namjoon’s. Let’s see him in real action.” Boss Im informed and left.

“I’m so sorry, kitten.” Yoongi reached out to you. It hurt to see you try your best not the flinch.

“D-Don’t worry. I’m fine.” You replied distantly.

“No, you’re not.” Yoongi frowned.

“Can I... hold you?” He asked softly. You nodded you head and he pulled you as close as he could. This time, you couldn’t help the flinch. You trembled in his hold as he pressed his forehead against yours. Your breathing quickened slightly and it broke his heart. You knew Yoongi would never hurt you but after seeing what happened, you couldn’t help it.

“You probably think I’m a monster now.” Yoongi murmured.

“I would never.” You replied.

“I’ll never hurt you, kitten. You know that right? Never.” He whispered, stroking your arm as he hushed you.

“I-I know. I’m sorry.” You shivered. Yoongi shook his head, kissing your cheek. The cell door opening caused the both of you to break apart.

“You’ve got some good fighters on your team, doctor. I’m very impressed.” Boss Im raised an eyebrow and clapped. You kept your head lowered, refusing to look at him or reply him. You knew he was doing this to mess with you and you weren’t going to give in.

“Get ready for your fight, Namjoon.” Boss Im said as he walked past to leave.

“Tae baby!” You watched as Jin and Taehyung were thrown into their cells. Yoongi and Namjoon immediately went to them.

“Jinnie?” You went to the other wall. Namjoon poured some water to wash Jin’s wounds. He brought Jin to the bars and you reached out to stroke his head. Jin had never looked so beaten up.

“What did they do to him?” You looked up at Namjoon with glassy eyes.

“They probably did the drug test on him. Inject him and put him to fight.” Namjoon said sadly.

“B-But Jin and Taehyung have never even fought before!” You gasped. Namjoon stopped and leaned down to lightly sniff the unconscious elder in his lap. Suddenly, he froze, his eyes widening. You were unsure of what his reaction meant. Turning to the other cell, you watched as Yoongi also sniffed the barely conscious Taehyung.

“He smells of Jin hyung.”

“He smells of Taehyung.”

The two said at the same time. Your heart sank as you stumbled back. The two were made to fight each other?

“They weren’t in the right mind. They wouldn’t have recognised each other. The boss must have made them fight each other to see how strong they were.” Yoongi spoke.

“No...” You shook your head.

“It... hurts.” You tore your gaze away from Jin to see Taehyung writhing on the ground, screaming and crying out in agony. Once again, you ran over to the other wall, watching as the still injured Yoongi tried to hold Taehyung down. Taehyung growled and screamed.

“W-What’s happening to him?!” You panicked.

“Some hybrids react badly to their first drug experience. Once the drug wears off, this can happen.” Yoongi grunted as he tried to hold Taehyung’s hands down.

“Tae!” Yoongi shouted, taking some water and splashing his face. Hoseok stayed by the other side, in the event Jin has the same reaction, he could help Namjoon hold him down. Jimin looked absolutely traumatised.

“MAKE IT STOP!” Taehyung choked, his face red and the veins on his neck protruding out.

“He needs help.” You hyperventilated.

“He’ll be okay, (y/n). You need to calm down. It’ll make him more anxious.” Yoongi told you. Jimin and Hoseok each wrapped an arm around you. Yoongi nodded at them and they took you away, preventing you from seeing Taehyung’s state anymore. But you could still hear his cries and screams of pain and agony.

“Jinnie.” You called out to him.

“Can you hear me?” You said softly. You held his hand, kissing the back of it as you held it to your cheek.

Can this get any worse?

You stand corrected. It did get worse. You were made to watch the other fights your hybrids were apart of. Even if he wasn’t fully healed, Yoongi still had other fights. When you watched Namjoon’s fight for the first time, it hurt you so much.

Namjoon was desperately trying to fight off the effects of the drug to prevent you from seeing his feral sight. But when the team noticed this, they stepped into the ring unfairly and tased him.

“Stop, you’re hurting him!” You shouted as the taser sent Namjoon back into a frenzy. The crowd cheered, constantly egging Namjoon on the kill.

“Finish him!” Boss Im shouted.

Namjoon pounced on the young coyote, breaking his neck and ribs with a sickening crack. He stumbled back, coughing and spitting out crimson liquid before he choked on his own blood and fell down, laying there. You watched the life literally drain from the young coyote. Namjoon was taken away as the team cleared the coyote’s body.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Boss Im leaned back into his seat. You glared at him.

“You’re disgusting!” You sneered.

“Actually, doctor. I have a preposition for you.” He said and you didn’t reply but still continued to listen to him.

“This is absolute torture for you. I’m feeling extra nice so if you want, I’ll let you go. You can take your calico cat and golden retriever with you too.” Boss Im said. You snapped your head up to look at him.

“What about the rest?”

“Of course, they stay. They’re my best money makers now. Thank you for helping me realise their potential. And to think, I tried to kill them because I thought they’ve lost their touch. I would have lost millions of dollars if not for you reviving them.” Boss Im laughed.

“I’m not leaving without any of them.” You clenched your fists.

“Is it really about what you want? You’re sinking and dragging the poor calico cat and golden retriever with you. Now, that’s a little unfair to them, isn’t it?” He tilted his head.

“I’m unfair?! Who’s the reason for this situation we’re in?!” You tried to lunge at him but someone held you back.

“I’ll let you think about it, doctor.”

“There’s nothing to think about! I’m not leaving without any of my boys!” You shouted as you were pulled away. Namjoon was already in his cell, resting after the ring’s medical team attended to him.

“Jinnie, how is he?” You asked softly.

“He’s okay. Just exhausted.” Jin assured, feeling the wolf’s pulse. You sighed and slid down in the wall. You watched Jimin having a quiet moment with Taehyung, his hand holding onto his best friend’s as if he was his saving grace. Hoseok came and sat beside you. You wrapped your arms around him, burying your head into his shoulder.

“Even if we’re stuck here forever, at least I’m at ease knowing that Kookie is safe and sound.” Hoseok whispered.

“I’m sorry, Hoseok.”

“It’s not your fault, angel.” He kissed your temple. You thought back to your conversation earlier. Hoseok and Jimin didn’t deserve this. Heck, none of your hybrids deserved this.

“Hoseok?” You called softly. He let out a hum, signalling that he was listening.

“Nothing.” You closed your eyes.

What if Hoseok was right? That all of you were going to be stuck here forever with no form of escape. And if you gave up the chance for Hoseok and Jimin to be free from all this because you couldn’t make a decision, you would live with that guilt forever.

“My love, I’m sorry you had to see that.” Namjoon kept his head lowered. You went to the bar to see him keeping his distance from you.

“Joonie, come here.” You called softly and he hesitantly crawled over.

Your reaction compared to when you saw Yoongi’s first fight was a lot better. You were more calm and comforting to your guilty hybrids now, even comforting Yoongi after his second fight.

“What if I hurt you?” He was scared of touching you.

“I trust you.” You gave him a soft smile and he moved closer until you could hold his hand. You reached up to stroke his head, softly scratching the back of his ear. A giggle escaped your lips when you felt it twitch.

“Are you alright?” You asked.

“A little twitchy but the shock can’t kill me. I’ll be okay.” He, too, forced a smile. You nodded and kissed his forehead.

“How about you? Did they hurt you up there?” He cupped your cheek. You shook your head and he let out a sigh of relief. He didn’t mind fighting if it meant that Boss Im would keep his hands off you. No matter what, you and your safety was still his number one priority. If he had to fight and kill for it, he will do it in a heartbeat.

“You must be tired. Rest.” You said.

“You too. Goodnight, my love.” He kissed the back of your hand. Namjoon watched as you made your way to the other wall where the felines were.

“Kitten.”

“Jagi.”

Yoongi and Taehyung sat up, heading to the shared bars. Yoongi’s eyes was bruised and black from his previous fight but the swelling was much better than when he first got the black eye.

“Rest well, hmm?” You held their hands in yours.

“We will. Make sure you rest too. I’m sure you must be mentally drained.” Taehyung said. You squeezed his hand. You knew that he was afraid when one of the men said that his first fight will happen soon. Taehyung was too soft, he didn’t want to fight and/or kill anyone.

Moreover, you were afraid that he would be the one gravely injured or dead from his inexperience in the ring.

Tag list

@aclp-jb1d @kawaiikpoplover268 @thequeen-kat @kookieskiwi @ladyabby-1996 @livetay84 @thefangirlsoul @namjoonies-dimple @mrcleanheichou @beach-bitch-bitch-beach @kristianmint @narcissism-iskey @egyptsblackrose @3musez @bubbletaetaesstuff @novusluna @etaerealboy @xanny91 @zingapinga @vbmnl @stvvcks @georgie-me-myself-i @daddyjoonie @niquedcs @airiloveskuromi-chan @lil7bluedragon @novakitten0901 @min-shadow @anaspectofsociety @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven @simplymemyself @jeoncookie-bts @nochujeonjk @joyful-jimin @trinityautumn @ot7purple

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robin-the-enby · 3 years

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If matchups are still open and if it isn't to much trouble may i have black butler (male) matchup please. My pronouns are she/her. Im a Capricorn, my Mbti type is infj-a/infj-t. I tend to be shy around new people but I can be somewhat loud with people who im close to. I have medium length brown hair, green eyes i wear round glasses,pale skin and a lot of freckles. My height is 5'0. I also would consider myself helpful. If someone asks for help with work or something ill try my best to help them. Im not very athletic and im not a big fan of sports but i love to go roller and ice skating. I also love to read books and to also cook and bake food. I also like to garden. I've been playing the violin for 6 years. I love animals and im planing on becoming a wildlife veterinarian. I like to Watch nature/animal documentaries. I also like sweets. My aesthetic would probably be cottagecore. Some things i dislike are people who bend or ruin my books and people who speak over me when im trying to talk. I hope this is ok, sorry if i spelt anything wrong. Hope im not bothering :)

Hello fellow INFJ, welcome to my humble blog! Enjoy your stay! I also considered being a vet, but I'm scared of dogs, so I dropped the idea XD Anyway, I match you with:

Agni

This man is a literal sweetheart. He wouldn't even think of teasing you for being shy, if anything, he gives you some space if you need it.

He is definitely attracted to your kindness, it is something that he values, along with loaylty.

The domestic vibes I'm getting right now, omg.

He would love you even more if you got along with Soma, even though he can act more spoiled than Ciel and Alois combined sometimes.

Even if he had a hard day, he finds the energy to take care of you. Agni would love to do stuff for you, like cooking or washing your hair.

But he loves it even more when you do those things together. Basically anything that you like doing, cooking, tending to the garden, he'd love it if you could do it together.

Although he owes Soma his life, you give him something that he had never had in his life, warmth. And not just any kind of warmth, the kind that only true love can give.

He doesn't want to lose that and so you quickly become his number one, along with Soma.

The young prince is so supportive of you two, just saying. He loves to hear Agni talk about what you two do, because he loves seeing Agni happy. He also may or may not scold him to be good to you from time to time (only jokingly though, because it's clear as day that that man is smitten with you).

It is most likely that Agni has never been ice or roller skating, but he wouldn't be opposed to trying. He'd fall down a few times before getting used to it. Once he does it comes surprisingly easy to him.

He would love watching you ice skate, he thinks you look so graceful, like a ballerina.

If you fall down or get hurt, he gets really worried, please reassure him that you're fine.

I don't think he'd be too into dates since you're spending so much time together as it is, but apart from the skating, he would also like trips to nature, picnics in fields, mushroom picking, making flower crowns (he'd definitely blush if you put a flower crown on his head out of the blue, bby)

He is in awe of your choice of profession. It's one thing to be kind to humans, but a whole other to do the same for animals. Agni thinks it is much harder, since you can't easily articulate to them that you want to help and that makes him admire you even more.

All in all 10/10 supportive, cute boyfriend <3

Others I can see you with: Finnian - I think that he is very much like Agni in many ways, so I'm not gonna repeat myself and tell you some other things that I think would apply for Finny. You could actually teach him how to tend to the garden so it doesn't die. The poor boy is always afraid of hurting you with his inhuman strength and would train in secret with the other servants to learn to control it better. He would be more into taking you out on dates, if the young master gave him permission, he'd love ice skating, but would be terrified of roller skating, because whoa, there are wheels on his feet and omg what does he do now?? But his favourite would definitely be trips to nature, it makes him feel even more free than in the Phantomhive mansion.

#black bulter #kuroshitsuji #black butler matchups #matchups #requests open #black butler x reader #black butler x y/n #agni x reader #agni x y/n #finnian black butler #agni black butler #finnian x reader #finnian x y/n

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kaepopsicle · 3 years

Text

一𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎 𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓

〄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐒 𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐒𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐃𝐊 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐎 𝐃𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 *𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠* 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐎 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐘 <𝟑𝟑𝟑

𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐦 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐣𝐮𝐦𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐜 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈’𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝟓 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐙𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈’𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐬/𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬....

i won’t make this all sappy,,, just kidding I will. so I know this year has been tough. for everyone. but I’m so proud of you for making it this long! it’s over! of course the pain doesn’t stop just bc the year is over,, but you know now that you can get through it !! I’m happy you’re still here :) — I feel like us as human beings have grown so much (I know me personally) have definitely grown and found myself more,, realized what I love, stand for, support. I hope you all have too!! I met some amazing people in this app, not even going to lie these lovelies have made me feel so much more complete. and I’m blessed to have met them...

一@sarahbkwl ♥︎

im 100% going to cry,, Sarah bear.. I can’t even describe how much you mean to me, right off the bat we just connected, the compliment battles, the random memes, the group chat name changes, you just understood me, which is rare bc I never felt understood in my life, I always felt like the awkward weird kid. I had friends I guess but I don’t think they were actually my friends, but you. you’re my true friend. someone I know I’m going to be friends with for a long time. I can’t wait to be able to see you!! You just make life a little bit easier to live, your adorable smile and your contagious laugh; I can’t help but giggle when you send your cute random pictures;; not to mention you’re absolutely gorgeous !! like literally you’re so hot okay. jfc. ten needs to come wife you up before I do ;) anyway I know the past couple weeks have been hard for you, but I’m so proud of you 🥺 you’re so strong. Now this is way too long so Gerald ... peace ✌️

一@rr0zu ☾

my moon !!! you are probably the most intelligent and strong woman i have ever met, you have been through so much stress this year but you made it, bc I knew you would; you’re practically glowing my love. you’re not only beautiful on the outside but on the inside, your need to obtain justice for the less fortunate is just amazing,, we need more people like you ,, you already know how I feel, I looked outside the other day ; and the moon was out, it was the only thing shining in the night sky. which is how you are in others lives, you just shine and light them up, making everyone’s day. 🥺 this will get way too long if I don’t stop but I just love you so much

一@babyyangx2-again ❦

*sobs* my paper clip, omg remember when we first met? I was your 🌻anon ?? and I kept flirting with you bc I’m literally Johnny, anyway your writing is literally the best, you’re literally the best, you’re my bestie 🥺 I’m so lucky to have met you, you just make me so happy and laugh so hard, we’re so chaotic but so perfect for each other; I know I’m a little forgetful and clingy but I love you ,, you know I do; you’re so kind, even though you think you’re not ; you are babe. you do little things for people , you care so much about making others happy, and that right there is an absolutely amazing trait. you’re that euphoric breeze, we you step outside, the beautiful trees blowing; the gorgeous smell of the flowers, just that happy feeling, that’s what you make me feel like.

一@starrdustville ♡︎

my flower !!!!!!!!!! Ishdjskdk my gorgeous flower, the one flower that I would pick in the field bc it was the prettiest, I would keep it as a dry flower and leave it in my favorite poetry book. so that when i read it, I’ll always think of you, you make me so happy with your smile, and your giggle is the cutest thing I have ever heard in my entire life. you just know the right things to say,, you make the stormy nights part ways for the stars

一@himitsu-luna ❤︎

my sister!! you know I always wanted an older sister.. I always wanted someone to look up to and talk to about anything; someone I can fan girl with and talk about anything with, and you my love are that person. 🥺 you’re so sweet and soft, you have the most gentle of soul and artistic of eye, makes me feel so proud and happy to have the privilege of calling you my friend

一@tinystupidwitch ❣︎

YES MY HENDERY STAN FRIEND!!! you’re so strong bubs... you know that? I know your work is hard, you get little sleep, but the fact you have the ability to text me and make me laugh and feel all happy 🥺 I appreciate you more than words can describe,,

一@bbyyangiex2 シ

my little sister :( we may be the most absolute different human beings ,, but some how we make it work, you’re so adorably cute,, and I know you’re like “nO iM nOt ,,, NO YOU” SHUSH LET ME SAY THIS!! you’re so cute and so pretty! and you’re so smart and amazing and such a beautiful young cutie... you make me feel so proud watching you grow up 😭😭 I just love you so much okay

一@hangsxng ☺︎︎

MEIN DEUTSCH LIEBE !!! Huiieifhekdk I love you so much omg, like; your accent, your laugh, your eyes, you’re so beautiful and so unique and so just absolutely erstaunlich!!! I know we haven’t talked a ton recently buttttt you’re still always on my mind! ich habe mein Deutsch dafür geübt,,,, ich liebe dich so sehr, meine liebe <3 vergiss nie, wie erstaunlich du bist 😭

一@liudejuns ♔

ugh, mimi; you know you have the ability to make someone’s day the brightest? even after a horrible day seeing you text me and post I just get so happy, you’re so beautiful inside and out and I hope you know how Important you and how much you really deserve

一@johns-marshmallow ఌ

ANNIKAN SKYWALKER!!! Aka Johnika ,,, tehehehe I love you so much ,, that’s it.

haha just kidding ! you’re such a joy in people’s lives, you’re so funny, and you radiate main character energy!! Ksjsksk i know you have been feeling down and stressed but just know you’re so strong, you’re so brave, and you’re so intelligent! anything you do will be amazing, anything you choose will be terrific why? Bc you’re Annika! you’re just the star in the sky, and anyone would be lucky to call you their friend

to my beautiful moots — thank you guys for being there for me, I would love to get to know you all so much better ,, you guys are literally the sweetest and deserve the whole world! thank you thank you thank you! I hope your 2020 will be filled with so much happiness and love !!

@hanadolphieron @sush-iii @danishmiilk @henderyprince @yutaaaaaa @joh--pping @gowonhatesyou @calypsohan @dyongvr @kpopsnowball @peachyhan @btsastro @coffeevddict @xeniya @neochan @junguwuta @heartyyjeno @strwberryneo @imjustuhhvibing @fairvtale @doyounged @du0tine @mignonmark @cyecandy @neoangsthours @orange-nimon-cross @rueyins @jaeminsb1tch @thatkpopmeme @kuniverse11 @svchengss

to my followers !! Thank you so much for supporting me! You guys mean a lot more to me than words can describe ! Im so graceful that you guys like my writing and for enjoying my blog! it makes me so happy 😭

〄

to myself —

hi kaela nichole :)

stop worrying so much about what others think! you’re a good person! stop letting things your birth family said change your opinion of yourself! stop making scenarios in your head of men that will not ! like ! you ! you are cute af you can find plenty of guys (like the four you’re thinking of in your head rn that like you... I know you don’t like any of them bUT LIKE put yourself out thereeeeee) anyway you’re amazing! also stop freaking out about vet school and your future! life will take you to wherever it does, leave faith up to the universe my love.. please.. stop being so hard on yourself, you’re trying your hardest. and that’s all you can do kae :) <3

— from yourself (love you bitch)

一may your New Years be filled with positive vibes! smiles, laughter, and good health!! <33

#HAPPY 2021 GUYS #HI 2021!!#thank you 2020 for everything you brought to me #rest forever peacefully

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queenofallwitches · 3 years

Text

an update and primer:

so the last winter was weird. I had a complete breakdown, went into psychiatric hospital for 40 days in total. two seperate times.

learnt a heap of new things, met a tonne of cool people and had amazing conversations and few fights but overcome my own demons by that.

brain speaking-I have a scarred brain stem and neurological disorder is not a mental diagnosis, but a neurological disorder, proven by MRI scan, ADHD.

also damage to my basal ganglia, and prefrontal cortex.

neurological diagnosis means ADHD is not a "mental" health issue, as some believe, rather a neurodevelopment disorder caused by structural differences in the ADHD brain.

other neurodevelopment disorders include: Tourettes, Autism, Cerebal Palsy, Dyslexia and other Motor and Intellectual Disabilities. (Which recieve, in my view, a lot of insight, media information and stigma reduction by the advocacy networks surrounding these types of disability).

Over the last few years Autism has been over everything, I've seen mainstream media cover Tourettes and yet ADHD is still HUGELY misunderstood, misconceived and misrepresented in media, be in from the angle of documentaries, personal insight of a "typical" case, films, tv, and other media.

one of the first things my dr told me was "in females it rarely presents as hyperactive red-cordial OD child"

which is what my mother BELIEVES, that is because I have an adopted cousin with the ADHD dx who was that growing up, but the representation I'm told is also divergent for women with a higher IQ score than the average IQ. I come in around 142 and tested 123 at age 3 when I was unable to focus, pay attention and had severe trauma. I tested 142 in grade 8.

I'll share my experience as a female who is intellectually gifted, with higher IQ than average, and an adhd brain:

I've been told gifted and talented "genius" children are harder to diagnose because the symptoms present differently, we hide it better (camouflage) and our focusing can be "faked" by mediocre efforts of academic success.. this is true, I would do the assignment the Sunday night hours deadline, last minute, or have my parents half do it for me, plagiarise it (fuck I've killed my whole academic career now) copied but changed my words

from old 1970s encyclopaedias I KNEW they couldn't cross reference (I went through 15 years of school never studying doing homework or assignments and still had top grades).

I literally did not listen, and spent my classes planning the end of the world survival strategies with my GT friend who, basically helped me with my calculus and hard fucking maths, which was the ONLY 50 minutes of the day I put attention into my work.

now I'm going to be heading back to full-time study in the coming months, I get anxious as the pressure of a Bachelor level degree, and the pressure it takes me to perform, is enough to break me down. I've been advised it might be wise to start light (like a basic vet style diploma) and then build up, which is logical, but I keep thinking I'm meant to be doing my thesis by now. which is the kind of pressure one gets as a kid who is told repeatedly, "your intelligence is exceedingly the average and you can do ANYTHING you want"

I wanted to be an astronaut, a storm chaser, and an architect, a town planner and then a journalist. I always held to being a "FBI agent" or spy (I wonder why). so when I found psychology is really a blend of all these things, I kinda found a niche in a psych and social science double degree. but I'm thinking my academic career is LIFELONG, and due to the fact I also want to work in my field alongside my many written thesis coming, I'll be in academics for a long time. I may fail a few things, which I have to come to terms with. I do not fail easily, or readily, but I'm a perfectionist type-a academic who will put my whole life on the line to achieve "merit". I get exams, I get assessments, I read journals super-easy, I talk the talk and walk the walk so well psychologists who are at masters level compliment me on my "knowledge".

when it comes to mental health and trauma, I will always have the personal attachment, called lived experience, which will make failure and burnout, 100 percent realistic. I have to boundary up, bootstraps on, and prepare that yes, my personal "bias" will probably be entwined in this.

which is why I'm looking at the social science for the statistics and thesis writing side of things, and the counselling for the trained therapist side. either way, the degree of counselling requires so much self-insight, and then the social-science will back me away from personifying it. the other choice is criminology, which leads to forensic psychology, which is eternally fascinating. my main concern is the pro-pedophile content Ill be up against, which will look at the anatomy of a shoplifter akin to the devil, and leave the pedophile in the DSM-5 dx "paraphilia" box.

I'm not joining or jumping to anything.

either way I've got 2 year of credit, a heap of pathways and a lot of "academic momentum" from all my life being aimed to be "academic powerhouse". I went through my files and found a lot of awards I'd won in my high school, and top place in the competitions we would be entering in. I remember feeling so sad if I had a "credit" vs a distinction or high distinction, only to see now, a credit in university maths in year 9 is a skillset I don't have anymore so, good on me. or a credit in English, or Science at that age was pretty impressive, considering these tests were random and not studied for.

just a general skills assessment only the top 30 kids in the year were to take on a year by year basis and put out to vet from the top universities and taken by other kids in the same grade around the state.

it puts so much focus on my intelligence, because it's primed to be that way, I know that is true. I know I feel good being academically successful and it gives me a feeling of "achievement" but is it really for me?

I also found 2 letters from my local politicians offering me job placement, work experience and I was 1/4 kids in my 10th grade graduation tom get the letter, and due to my behaviour I pissed ALL the idiots who bullied me off. I was "too pretty to be a nerd" "too smart to be pOpUlAr".

so I made a group of misfits, who are all highly intelligent, creative and my group had the ONLY gay male in the school AND THIS IS BEFORE YOU FUCKING RETARDS MADE IT "COOL". he was bullied badly, so fuck you, you fucks claim "liberalism" but I bet you were the type of idiot who bullied guys like him in high school while you pretended to like my chemical romance and fake cut yourselves. I hate you all, forever.

my grade was full of idiots who were fake emo, who left the scene the moment the scene changed to dub-step and club music. I was there, watching you all, like sonny Moore, went from FFTL to that dubstep skrillex shit he started in 2009.

I dated you, hooked up with you and I went to your gigs. I know who was real and who was fake. I met some of you years later and realised the more emotive ones were the less "alternative appearing".

I can say 1/10000 emo guys from the 00s were genuinely Into the music and scene for the right reasons based on my dating history and this can and will be analysed statistically using SPSS one day to prove a lot. I've had too many relationships from each sub-culture and I have had 4-11 males at a time per public "output" of my energy pursue me over life.

I'm not being cocky when I say I have a long line of "suitors" and its banked back about 50 men. it's been a thing I've avoided as it seems to grow based on my body shape, attitude, appearance, so I am currently out of touch with dating scenes, no interest to try that ANYWAY, given the fact that I have had so many LONG TERM relationships ANYWAY. I can't see another one going well, and at this case, I'm living with an ex but we never went on conventional and now our families label this 3 things: "asexual", "polyamorous" and "open relationship". I'm also "bisexual" but this all to humans outside, looks ridiculous on paper. (wild orgies and lots of swinging or some stupid sex magick probably is what J brother literally thinks we do).

bc humans are intrinsically designed to need to label things they don't understand. we share a lease, not a relationship, and fucking polyamorous, I WISH. there are no girl-girl-guy 3 some, or orgies, or sex magic parties.

this has changed the attitude and perception of this "relation' which Is non-romantic, non-sexual. he can date and likely, will, as can I , and I likely won't date.

I would say 14/15 have had ADHD, or other mental illness and or trauma. which means to me, nothing at all.

I think this "open book" non romantic relationship style of "friends and roommates" not sexual.

attachment is misunderstood by others but works well fro my adhd, meaning I'm not expected to marry, or be a wife in any capacity. he is free to do what he wants, as I am, and open communication is a novel frontier I brought into this in the start, and stayed with for the duration. we fight, but I fight with a lot of people in my life over many petty things. also down to my adhd, I believe, I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which makes me hypersensitive to rejection, perceived or real.

im not sure if this is trauma or adhd or both. but

I have used sexuality as a weapon in many relationships but it cannot or will not be used here, so I have had to resort to uncovering parts of myself which I never knew, which will stay with me even if he decided to marry and wife up in 5 years, which I'm okay and expecting him to do, and I would much rather that then be trapped in a situation where I cannot be that "wife/mother archetype" as I'm too "femme fatal/other-woman/sex-laced seductress and siren" a "FWB, unicorn, drug buddy, hook-up where im a therapist" or "intellectual and cognitive mind-bender work-study obsessed woman".

both at once and many types of human, including one who is a full-time ceremonial magician of 7 years. I will drink, drug, fuck, fight like males and still be more feminine and high maintenance than 89% of women. I grew up a tomboy and don't mind getting into fun, adventure based situations, like hiking, or anything adrenaline, I would only be reluctant to eat weird shit.

I also have many "neurological" issues including ADHD, and trauma which causes a rupture in the average human and I dating.

I'll tell you how many men have said "you are the unicorn" and then realised what that means, I went as far as canvasing the PUA world back in 2014 after reading the game, a book on PUA, which is essentially, pick up artistry, based on NLP and hypnosis. I did this after reading the copy my ex in 2008 handed me before we dated saying "I gave this up for you". it took me years to open the book, buy when I did I truly believed the only way I would fall in love again, was through PUA. that failed in so many ways but gave me a training foundation for men who were candidates for that, I have trained up J, and the way that sounds is BAD. I know, but I got a lot of value myself, I just don't see it how I wanted to see it.

but that was my original intent, and I achieved this he knows that, knew it was happening and evolved for the best self.

I am thinking we can modulate this into a business model for how I was operating in the BDSM world was mainly psychological, not physical.

I get told all of is incredibly intimidating (I am told) to women and men.

I don't really care anymore, because people have always seen this part of me in the wrong way ANYWAY, but I own who I am NOW. which is what I needed ANYWAY. so it cannot be stolen again, and sexual healing has come from abstinence ironically.

I also don't care what or who is trying to tear up my relations, toxic or not toxic, all people around me will be on a healing journey by default, or cut out of my life, for I am radiating that energy so brightly its impossible NOT to feel that pull.

I will drag your shadows into the light, and make your secrets spin from your lips into my consciousness. its not what I do but its what is design.

I make your weaknesses mountains to climb over. you cannot hide from these in my presence, I won't be this controlling or obsessive female who wants 24-7 attention as I have a life full of meaning without love or sex. I don't want to be wined, dined or expensively gifted, unless specially requested.

I don't want love letters or romantic declarations, this isn't some femnazi bullshit, but it triggers me. I appreciate the efforts and won't make you feel bad about your insecurities, for mine are probably 30 x more pronounced.

I appreciate small things, that most males won't or don't know how to do. like remembering things I've said and being thoughtful. or knowing my silence isn't personal, or a game, but a protective wall. I've had songs sung too me, guitars played, songs written, or things made in ways that are heartfelt. but I've always had them used against me too. so it is the context. I value time, energy, conversations of depth and reciprocal exchange. I also value trauma understanding, my alters and fragments being accepted and valued as me as a whole and a person who is not afraid, or scared of stupid stuff like sensitivity, emotions, feelings as raw as my own. men feel intensely too, lol.

but will only give oral sex 100 times before I don't recieve it, I can communicate now so that wouldn't happen.

but I won't be a bitch about this stuff. I am extremely feminine and care in ways other people, do not, I forget nothing people tell me, so it can be a reward or reverse uno card pull in a fight, but I am not evil or deviant in my relations. I react, depending on how you treat me. I don't need your money, or providing source of income to be okay as I am my own queen, however sharing resources is okay to build something. I don't need to be seduced, but will need to be shown a person is trustworthy.

few cross that.

that will always be time-endurance and testing. there are ground rules I don't play with, or play games. or like being forced or forged into something I'm not. I know abusive and I know safe, and I am a psychology expert, trained psychotherapist and study humans for fun, so I'll always be analysing things.

and I know red flags and I know ego, I know how to placate and please and pleasure, but will only do so, for a bigger and better reason than the mere act of seduction. which is without value and transactional to someone like me, I won't lie.

and I know every tactic in the book, for the book was written by someone like me, many lives ago, and my karma is being burnt for that book.

in terms of walls, I have many, may it be called a maze. or labrnyth.

I will teach you things you never thought you'd know, and change your life in ways you won't ever be able to go back to before. I will blow your mind, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, on all levels, and I'll make your friends and family love me.

I'll bring your walls down and you won't be able to understand this, because you don't understand me, and thats ok.

but I'll always understanding you and make your life better because thats what I do anyway, and people talk to me about things I will never share, as I keep secrets. I am jealous, of everything but, only because I am attached in a disorganised way, and working on that.(I won't even mention how man women or men don't know basic psychology of themselves). I also am a therapist , for my friends and family too.i should not be , but I am. I care, I listen, If you think I'm not listening, I'm still listening. sometimes I interrupt, because I have ADHD and I am horrible at resolute planning, or being "normal". but I don't want to be normal anyway. I need you to recognise and understand my shit, for that is what I do for everyone in my life, and I have helped more than I receive.

I'll probably accidentally give you therapy, but thats fine, because you will uncover your depths and find meaning in this. it's not something that goes bad unless you are fundamentally, evil, even the most abusive relationship I was in, was benefited from this process. yes he's still narcissistic, but he is self-aware. and did I benefit, never, just know the anatomy of self-proclaimed narc and I still can't hate him. will get my civil claim one day.

I will fuck your mind without meaning too. but thats because I fuck my own mind. but the meaning is made in the man- some find this highly offensive or personal (its not). I fuck minds by my own overthinking, or over perception on many levels of reality. so join the ride, or don't come along at all. because once the rollercoaster is in motion, I have no control of what may or may not happen. it's purely experimental.

I am experimental.

and the women who are judging me, are not any better.

look within, and shut the fuck up. self-improve and quit this jealous divide and conquer bitchiness. I HATE gossip, bitches, snitches and fakers.

I look to other women who are intellectually, physically and spiritually "individual". and find value in superior status to my own, which is something my narcissistic ex taught me.

I look for mentors, and teachers and people who will teach me how to improve myself, which I am fearful to reconnect after something is amazing and I can't give anything back of positive value. I am sorry I am working on that.

I won't devalue those below me, but I also need to be mutually benefiting from a relationship.

I dont drag people down, I may disappear if I feel I am doing this by mistake. I am flakey as fuck, and sorry for that. its anxiety and lack of perfectionism, so I am wrong and bad for this. I can change. will change.

if you can find value with my relation, personal professional or romantic, we can move into a symbiotic beneficial agreement based on mutual "terms". but many won't or cannot see this, nor do I impose my bullshit into the lives of randoms at this age.

I don't care if this is cruel, it's real.

I value loyalty, compassion, self-insight/awareness, someone who understands all parts-spirituality, metaphysics while still having intellectual & logical & analytical brain-sight.

I enjoy music, magick and learning new things.

I do not care about appearances I dont think ive dated based on one time. I do value connections and chemistry which is far-few between, I hate fakers. I smell insincerity miles away. but I do respect women who are well-presented, or beautiful, with hair beauty and makeup, I can't do this shit well, so I look up to those who are in professions who do it like art. I find them to be genius level queens who scare me.

I call out bad behaviour and make people uncomfortable if they are repressed. I will change you without even meaning too, I don't even need to date you. its just my presence, over time, amplified by the intensity of the dynamics.

I don't want simplicity, but I also don't need over complexity.

I value passion, independence, creativity, curiosity, problem-solving, deep-disscussions, shared adventures and some occasional risk-taking (lol), sensuality and sexuality for a common cause beyond physical pleasure. I like being taught but not micromanaged. I need my own independence, and need to be trusted with that. I hate being scolded for that like a child, or being pushed to change my ways to conform to societal values. which I will push back and refuse to do. which is not healthy. I don't adult like many others do, but I try to proceed in other ways. and learn to adult like normal people, accept me.

I also value myself, and how I can be celebrated, enhanced and improved vs. the opposite.

I give space, and have boundaries, and understand human psychology, sexuality and relationships in ways few others unless they are trained, can do.

I value MY time. so you can have space to value YOURS. I dont need to be in anyones pocket for a long time. I love being alone, and being around people who are stimulating, but draining people will be drained out of my life quicker than I intend. I am sorry for the people who felt I disappeared, when I was only trying to be 'fair', if I feel I'm a bad influence, I will work on myself until I'm not. I'm still working on it.

I also use this psychology awareness, to enhance communication, connection. you may or may not become an accidental guinea pig. I will be upfront that I am experimental, but that is part of the buy ticket and take the ride. lets work together. not apart.

I am coming from a place of love, and love is what I feel for my animals, which you will be adopting as children.which I want to stop experiments being done on. I love love, in all ways, but hate cruelty of animals and children, violence and suffering. I dont advocate justice, because I find life is fucking cruel, unfair and unjust. by default, so I focus on myself. what can be changed, and what I am able to do in my own locus on control. I will always find myself drawn to the outsiders, the misfits, the vagabonds, the misunderstood. I want to help people who are society, or socially, disadvantaged by trauma and mental illness, but only when I have ability to help myself.

it's a journey.

I will not date anyone who is cruel to animals, outside of specify magical sacrifice, there is not any place for that. nor will I date or fraternise with anything or anyone linked or associated with pedophilia. I won't judge anyone on anything that are outside animal cruelty and pedophilia. I don't and haven't. I keep on good terms with every ex, bar 1 whom I only apologised too this year. it felt good to do that. I change my behaviour.

I am open, but also highly attuned to both logical, factual, empirical , scientific worlds, and spiritual, intuitive, psychic and the "collective unconscious". I walk in both these realms, and I am "conventionally attractive". which puts a lot of pressure on me, to be "stupid". I am always dumbing myself down to fit into normality, but I look ridiculous if I do that so I peacock my intellect.

only to be misconceived.

I give up because I no longer care how anyone but MYSELF can see ME. I won't dumb myself down , but I can enhance you UP. prepare yourself for graded education, evolution and self-growth on mass scales.sorry not sorry.

that sucks for the people who want to be living vicariously through me, for making up to lost trauma years, for family who sold me out for the success I'd bring home, or fake trauma enmeshed friends, or whatever they want or need from me. I value my time and energy, and have given that in abundance, and if you want to be with nut only "one part of me that is alters". I can't provide that now. not sorry.

I have to work on something or not be in a dynamic at all.

I no longer can switch on demand to adapt for you, it will not be effective and that upsets a lot of people. especially now I'm sober. harder to handle this, as I see the world for its ways and why it is, more vividly. I haven't had alcohol for almost 2 months, although, I could drink, I haven't.

I can't do it, anymore. it, being, faking, my selves fronting to impress. I can't. I have no more left to give, and I'm expected by everyone to be a way I can't do it in the way they want.

I will go to another year long outpatient DBT, followed by 10 weeks of A-C-T therapy, and however many ECT OR TMS may or may not help. I'm told it won't (ect) work. but TMS, is something I am open too. but I am telling you, none of this psychotherapy, that will be based on dbt skills, day therapy, intensive skills training, recommencing my studying, and resuming "life worth living" will or can wipe the traumas I've "recovered" memories for.

I will also shut the fuck up, and tell nobody about this if you leave me alone, I told that to my family, and this is open letter to the watchers, stalkers and perps who read this openly as I track the hits on here and have 200+ visits a day every day for the last month. globally. no idea how or who you are but I think its the same people who called the police for the "ayreon song lyrics" seen to be a suicide not last October.

thanks for that wake up call, I have shut the fuck up, since December, more so now. I will burn the journals, or lock them up.

my recovery is not linear, not yet fully integrated and I trust nobody so I don't think my psychotherapy will be deep, I focus on things like ADHD AND my EDNOS. and dbt skills. I won't be talking about sexual traumas.

enjoy the update, and thanks for the "attention".

I have my goals, my work, my meaning and what my life should and could and will look like, but I will not share that with anyone. that means everyone right now.

I've been tested, traumatised and terrorised to the point of not-tolerant of anyone who may bring that back, and banish the fuck out of my sphere every moment I need.

take me as I am, or watch me as I go, which I will go, where I am not wanted I will remove myself, but I will find where I am celebrated because I create that.

I will rise up against all adversity every time but that is survival and that created a resilient and brave woman, in me. who will not be destroyed or decomposed by humans who are fundamentally fucking evil.

I gift you my truth, in progression, and give up the pain of the past.

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angeloncewas · 3 years

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dont wanna make this ask long bc i am tired and dont have the energy to be a well spoken (?) person rn but it probably will be long anyways, so sorry!! but like. as somebody who has hyperfixated on both idubbbz and schlatt (along with a plethora of other problematic content creators, i really know how to fuckn pick em!!) they absolutely foster a dogshit community, at least outside of platforms like tumblr, where like. you cant really avoid fandom culture like you can on twitter or ig, if that makes sense. on here, if you wanna post about your favorite youtuber, whether you tag it or not, other fans will likely see and if you say some bad shit, you will likely get called on it, whereas on ig basically only your followers will see it even if you use a hashtag and on twitter its like if you arent in a subtwt/fandom then you basically dont interact with any subtwt at all unless its an accident, ya know?

so like. i think what im trying to say here is that while ive met a lot of fans of both these creators, especially schlatt, who are great people as far as i can tell, i am also specifically on the fandom side of things and as soon as i step out of that space i realize that a lot of people who watch them are not actually minorities like me and my mutuals who can catch on to satire or who watch their more behind the scenes stuff where you can see them act like a decent person or even call out people for the things they usually joke about which just. fucking sucks. it sucks that, as much as i do believe schlatt is actually a good person (and sort of idubbbz, although i dont really watch him much anymore for a plethora of reasons, mostly related to the fact that i cant stand his jokes anymore even if he is playing a character as he's said before), he also keeps doing terrible fucking things and im really glad his actual friends have been calling him on it recently, especially after that jackbox video (which is a whole other thing on its own bc it literally seemed like nobody wanted to be there basically the entire video?? like as somebody who watched all the jackbox videos before that one, it was really fucking off in that call and the jokes were next level fucking upsetting), but sometimes it's just kinda like. exhausting. bc his community is already fucking bad now, you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that, which would be stupid to do at this point in his career. not really sure where i was going with this tbh, but i thought i would chime in on this discussion as a viewer of mainly schlatt, but also a past idubbbz viewer who is basically a seasoned fucking vet at dealing with shitty fanbases because of him and many other dumb youtube white boys

(also, note on that anisa thing: ian's main fanbase was definitely pissed just bc she does sex work and a lot of them are too fucking young or just too fucking dense i guess to clock the fact that he's putting on an act bc, like i said before, they either dont watch his behind the scenes content, or they do and they kinda just miss those moments between still trying to entertain where he gets genuine. that being said, a lot of people outside of his fanbase were also pissy bc anisa is a less than spectacular lady if you really do your research on her, kind of a bad person but it's not something a lot of people know about, especially since one of the few videos made on it was by fucking creepshow art)

sorry for the rant again, i feel like i do this every other week now and i apologize, you just seem to have the best discourse and i enjoy partaking <3 hope you have a good rest of your day/night/whatever time you're reading this!

—🦷

Thank you for the input (don't mind the rant !) and I hope you have a good rest of your day too <3 For post length, I'll answer under the cut :)

Yeah, I get what you mean (I think ahdsufsd). Fandom as a concept is pretty... I don't even know how to describe it, but it's the kind of thing that I feel like white male Redditors would think of as pussy shit, y'know? Like the Ricegum gang isn't a fucking "fandom" they're a... well, a fandom, but they're not gonna admit to that. So when you step outside of a community like Tumblr (the queerest place on the internet TM) you come into contact with the faces of the fandom you're dealing with and oftentimes they're a lot less like you than you might've thought from the similar interest. It's like going to a Weezer concert and realizing you're surrounded by incels (this is a JOKE).

Satire's a rough topic because some people don't think it should exist at all. Like any words that can be directly interpreted as bigoted or problematic should not be uttered. I disagree with that, I think it's one of the most interesting forms of both social commentary and comedy, but I do see the problem. There are people who watched Filthy Frank (to take an example from that other anon) and didn't know or care what the point of his actions were (I don't know what they were tbh - I never watched him, but it sounds like he's a pretty decent dude) and instead read his jokes as-is. There are thousands upon thousands of people who aren't gonna get satire and that's a problem because if they're already bigoted they're gonna see people like Schlatt and iDubbz and whoever else as truly validating.

(Largely unrelated but yo, is iDubbz still going? Are the views alright? Is the adsense popping? Has he just kept going with Content Cops? I haven't heard about him since the girlfriend thing dropped.)

"you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that"

I think this is what's pertinent when it comes to discussing Schlatt. After the Jackbox video (for me at least, he might've been there before) he put himself at a crossroads. If he'd apologized, said "sorry, I took it too far, that was a mistake" - yeah, plenty of people wouldn't have forgiven him and plenty of bigoted fans of his would've said that the apology was just to placate the snowflakes on Twitter, but to the sort of in-between people it would've shown that he's able to recognize and reconcile his mistakes. He could've transitioned into content that's A) actually good (when I say that the video was bad I don't just mean in terms of racism, I mean it straight up was not entertaining) and B) less "edgy" for the sake of. I wouldn't expect him to go uwu squeaky clean, but he's already reeled in the bad people, so if he really wanted to foster a good, progressive audience, he has to do something significant to show that.

But he didn't.

Maybe for the sake of his career, maybe because he likes those bigoted fans, maybe because he just doesn't get it - I don't know. I don't think we'll ever know. I spoke earlier about doing what is right over what is easy and in the case of Schlatt it just feels like he really did take the easy way out. Whoever he is in his personal life doesn't change how he's perceived online and the kinds of people that are idolizing him for it.

(And yeah I saw the video on Anisa when I Googled her to check if they were still dating, but then I saw who it was made by and I was like oh well whatever avhfdfkj)

#this is kind of rambly but oh well #angel answers #🦷 anon #discourse #negative #cc critical #idk how to tag this stuff just telae jsfkbg #long post

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