#inspired by my songs to get divorced to playlist

[straylightdream]

I think I like you - 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠

Bang Chan x f.reader

friends to lover, mutual pining, college au

↳ I’ll be right here waiting for us.

word count: 10.4k 

warnings: angst, rumors of cheating, mutual pining, friends to lovers, protected sex, dirty talk, names such as: (baby), begging, first time having sex, talks about (loss virginity, creampie, and breeding kinks, Chan comments about in the future knocking the mc up, and unprotected sex) dry humping, choking, it’s sappy they’ve loved each other for years.

an: this is connected to Open Mind my Changbin story and Strawberry Latte my Jisung story, and there will be more for the other boys here. You don’t have to read that one to understand this story, it can be read as a one shot. This story is heavily inspired by “I Think I Like You” by The Band Camino and Waiting For Us by SKZ. Here is a playlist of other songs. Thank you @sulfurcosmos​ for all your help on this.

𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬.

-NOW - 

Another shitty breakup for the books. This break up involves a boy named Minyoung who is telling you all about how he doesn’t feel comfortable with the fact your three main friends are boys. Your three month relationship is coming to a spiraling end right in front of your eyes. This argument started all because you said you would prefer to not go bar hopping on a friday night. You needed to study and Chan offered to order take out and help you study for your big test. The following statement him is what really caught you off guard, “maybe I don’t trust you because it’s clear you and Chan have fucked in the past, and obliviously he still wants you.” How do you even respond to that? You’ve never done anything with Chan that would lead him to believe you’ve slept with him. Technically you and Chan have had sex before but it was a long time ago. It was freshman year of college when you were both freshly eighteen, you decided to lose your virginity to each other. Since that fateful night you hadn’t done anything sexual together since. You’re confused on how he could of possibly known that you had sex with Chan all those years ago. You’ve never told anyone and Chan at max has told Changbin and Jisung, two people who weren’t a fan of Minyoung so there is no way they would have told him.

Since your early teen years Chan had always been a part of your life and anyone you dated was just going to have to accept it. You would always pick Chan over any boy. 

-THEN-

Summer nights with Chan were always something you had cherished. Since you met him that summer before freshman year of High School when your newly divorced Father moved you to a completely new city for High School. Your father was a heartbroken man desperately wanting a fresh start for the two of you. He lived on the same street you moved to. His mother dragged him to your house to introduce themselves the first day the moving vans showed up. That was the day you met a beautiful boy with a mop of golden fluffy curls on his head and from there the rest was history. You were inseparable when he took you into his friend group with Changbin and Jisung. That summer you spent countless nights staying up late. Many hot afternoons were spent in his pool with Changbin and Jisung. You were absolutely inseparable from your new best friend. 

The summer before college was when you realized you didn’t just have a crush on your best friend, you were indeed desperately in love with him. Many days you find yourself getting distracted as you listen to him passionately talk about the different things he loves. 

Laying on a towel next to Changbin you watch Chan and Jisung swim around in Chan’s pool. Laying on your stomach you prop your chin up on your hand. Most of your summer had been spent with these three boys. Many sunny afternoons you found yourself in Chan’s backyard. 

Changbin groans standing up stretching his body. Recently the boys have taken up working whenever they can, so Changbin who used to be skinny with a narrow jaw started filling out. You can’t help but think about how young you were when you met these boys. 

“Bin and YN you better come in,” Chan shouts before diving back into the pool. 

“You heard him Bambi let’s get in the pool,” Changbin says, referring to you as your nickname they’ve been calling you since your first winter together when you rolled your ankle on the ice. Most people probably wouldn’t be fond about having a nickname that focused on how you were clumsy but there was something about them calling you Bambi you found sweet. 

Taking his hand you stand up adjusting your bathing. This is the first summer you’ve worn a two piece that exposes more of your body. You’ve caught all three of them staring at your exposed skin. Jisung and Changbin were a little more open about watching you then Chan. The one time you caught his eyes locked on your boobs and he quickly looked away with the tops of his ears burning bright red. Walking closer to the edge of the pool you dipped your foot testing the water. 

“Just jump in,” Jisung shouted as he splashed Chan. 

“Let’s go Bambi,” Changbin came up behind you, wrapping his arms around you, hugging you from behind. He jumped in holding on to you. The chilled water felt amazing against your sun kissed skin from this hot summer day. He releases you as soon as you’re fully underwater. You take a moment relaxing under the water before swimming up to the surface in the deep end. You breach the water and you find Chan swimming right in front of you. Kicking your feet you reach out touching the beautiful golden skin on his shoulder. He smiles reaching up to push the water away from his face.  

He’s so beautiful and he doesn’t seem to know it. You forget all about Changbin and Jisung who are fighting in the shallow end as you swim in place in the deep end with Chan. 

“Can you believe this is our last summer home?” He brings up the same thing you have been thinking about for weeks.

“I mean we can come home during the summer,” you know going to a school further away means you won’t be home very often. 

“We can, but at least we’ll have each other so no matter where we go it still feels like home,” he smiles. Everything about Chan feels like home to you. You love your father and your friends Jisung and Changbin, but Chan is the person who truly feels like home to you. You would go anywhere and stay anywhere with him. 

You couldn’t be happier that you chose to go to the same University as Chan. Your father was sad that you would be moving away for school, but he was happy to know you would have Chan there to look after you. 

That summer you spent with Chan, Changbin, and Jisung was the best summer of your life. 

When summer came to close it was finally time to start college together. Freshman year you lived on campus with Angel, a sweet girl with a creative spirit. She soon became one of your great friends and immediately joined your friend group along with Changbin new roommate Minho. Many nights that first year of college you found yourself with Chan by your side. Many times you fell asleep in his dorm and would lie in his bed with him rambling on about anything you could think of. 

After one drunken night with your friend group a drunk clingy Chan informed you of his still very much intact virginity that seemed to be weighing on his mind. You and Chan had always talk about a lot of things in your life, but one thing you never talked about was either of your past sexual experiences or lack there of for Chan. In the whole time you’ve been friends you can only think of one girl Chan gave the time of day to. He liked Rachel back in senior year of high school but after going to formal together it quickly fizzled out. That was the only dance you didn’t go to with him. Instead you ended up going with Changbin who could tell you were hurt that Chan didn’t ask you.

-NOW-

Standing in Chan and Jisung’s house you wondered if you made a mistake going out. Even though you weren't head over heels in love with Minyoung, getting broken up with still hurts. You gave three months of your life to a guy who wasn’t ever going to fully trust your relationship with your best friend.

Someone comes up behind you wrapping their arms around your soft stomach pulling you into their chest. There is only one person that manhandles you like this. You look back to see Changbin holding you.

“Hey Bin,” you smile as he releases you.

“Where did Chan and Jisung go?” 

“Jisung library girl just texted him telling him she's walking up, and last time I saw Chan he was heading off towards the kitchen.”

“Is your study buddy coming tonight?” you ask. Changbin told you in class today about the girl he’s been chasing after. She’s the first girl that has really seemed to tame Changbin and fully capture his attention. Since they started ‘studying’ Changbin hasn’t really been talking to anyone else. This girl seems to be the only person he cares about.

“I don’t know I might have scared her off,” he sighs looking down.

“I told you not tell her that you should just fuck already,” you can’t help but laugh at how blunt Changbin decided to be. After everything he has told you about her you aren’t shocked that blunt statement scared her. 

“Yeah I know. I think I scared her off. I asked her to come here if she wanted something more.”

“Oh Changbin,” you pat his shoulder. “Where did Angel go with Minho? She said they were going out but wouldn’t give me details. She said they had these plans before Chan and Jisung planned this party.”

“I think they’re going to get dinner and then just having sex to be honest. They know they have the apartment to themselves basically all night because Hyunjin came with me. So they can be as loud as they want.”

“Do they still not know that we know?” There was one fateful night you and Changbin accidentally found both of Changbin’s  two roommates having sex in Angel’s room. The door wasn’t fully shut and you and Changbin stopped by his house so he could grab his laptop. You and Changbin made a pack that you wouldn’t tell anyone until Angel and Minho told the group. What was going on with them didn’t concern anyone else in the group. 

“They have no clue and I don’t think Hyunjin knows. His room is the furthest away from either of them. I’ve seen Minho sneak into her room once since. Hyunjin asked what they were doing tonight and I just told him they have plans.”

“We should go find Chan,” you say, leading Changbin off towards the kitchen where you find Chan pulling liquor out of the cupboard.

“Chan can you make me a drink?” you say catching his attention.

“What do you want?” He asks. 

“Surprise me.”

Your phone in the back pocket of your jeans starts vibrating. Pulling out your phone you’re surprised to see Angel’s name. You excuse yourself from this kitchen. Walking upstairs towards Chan’s room attempting to get away from the noisy party so you can answer the phone. 

“Angel what’s up?”

“Hey YN,” she says. 

“Is everything okay with Minho?” she doesn’t normally call you. You always text about everything. 

“Minho and I were getting dinner when we ran into Minyoung and his dumb ass friends.” Angel went on to tell you all about how your ex was running his mouth. You didn’t care that he blamed you for the breakup. You cared that he’s bringing Chan into this by lying and saying you cheated on him with your best friend. Before hanging up she lets you know that Minho did defend you which made you smile. You asked her to tell Minho not to tell Chan about what your ex is saying.

Sitting on the edge of Chan’s bed you don’t understand how your ex can just go around lying. If he wants to blame you for the break up that’s fine, in the last month you hadn’t been as available to hang out as he was. You had been so focused on school, and it was hard worrying about someone else and trying to be a good girlfriend. But you can’t stand him lying that you were cheating on him. 

Shoving your phone into the front pocket of your jeans you head back downstairs. You find Chan still in the kitchen with Changbin, but now Jisung and the girl that holds his attention are standing in there with them. Jisung looks absolutely smitten as he is hugging his library girl from behind. 

Walking to the entry to the kitchen you say, “Hey Chan, can I talk to you?”

He looks up at you immediately. You’ve always had these moments with Chan when you look into his warm eyes and suddenly the room feels empty. He looks at you like he knows what you’re thinking and even if you’re upset or anxious you know it will be okay. Because no matter what he’s going to be there. How did you even live before you met him? Was existing even possible before the boy with dimples entered your life. Here you are standing in this crowded house party at his and Jisung’s place. You just got off the phone with Angel telling you that she ran into Minyoung and he decided to tell her and Minho you cheated on him with Chan. You should be absolutely furious he’s spreading this lie, but instead you don’t care. 

Chan tilts his head to the side as he walks out of the kitchen directly towards you. You’re frozen as he gets closer to you. He stops right in front of you tilting his head as if he’s studying you. 

“Who called?” He breaks the silence between you. 

“Angel did. She’s out with Minho getting dinner and ran into Minyoung who was running his mouth.” You decide to leave out the part about him saying you cheated on him with Chan. You can tell him about that later when you don’t have to worry about him getting angry at his party. 

“What did he say?”

“Nothing he’s just blaming me for our relationship not working out,” you’re upset but you don’t want Chan to know you are. Your failed relationship troubles shouldn’t fall back on him. You’ve been through enough shitty break ups while in college, Chan doesn’t constantly need to know about your boy problems. The whole time he’s been your best friend you’ve never heard him complain about girl problems. 

“Are you okay?” He knows you're not. He can tell you’re upset. 

“Yeah it’s just annoying. We broke up so I don’t get why he is running his mouth.”

You stand there talking to Chan for a little while before some friends from Chan’s music class challenge Jisung and Hyunjin to a game of beer pong. You walk over sitting on the couch against the wall. Chan joins you shortly after sitting close to you like he always does. You watch the game unfold and you can’t help but pay attention to the way Jisung is with his date. He seems so adorably nervous around her. 

Chan catches your attention when he reaches out and takes your hand in his the same way he always does. He’s leaning in close because he wants to talk to you loud enough for only you to hear. “Sungie seems smitten,” he points out how into this girl his roommate seems to be into. 

“What's her name?” 

“Honey,” his thumb slowly draws across the top of your hand. 

You take a deep breath leaning in even closer to him. You don’t know why you suddenly want to cry. Maybe it’s because you’re hurt about the whole situation with your ex. Or maybe it’s because not long ago you saw Changbin’s study buddy head up stairs, and in front of you you’re watching Jisung slowly fall in love with the girl from the library. Two of your three best friends are getting to be with the two people they seem to be head over heels for, and yet you don’t know what that's like. Sure the boy you’re head over heels for is holding your hand as you lean against him, but the intimacy stops there. You don’t get to kiss him goodnight and tell him about how you truly feel. You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too. The tears that are threatening to fall are because you’re jealous. 

“Jisung seems really happy,” you whisper.

Bringing the red cup to your lips to take a drink of the strong liquid Chan made for you. You can feel his eyes on you as you hold your eyes closed. He squeezes your hand catching your attention. Bringing the cup down you look at him and he looks sad as he’s staring back at you. 

“I don’t want you to drive tonight. Just stay here with me?”

“Channie this couch hurts my back,” you sigh thinking back to the many nights you’ve fallen asleep during movie nights on this couch.

“No I’m not asking you to sleep on the couch, we can both sleep in my room.”

“Is Jisung room still pretty soundproof?” you ask knowing that Changbin isn’t the quietest when he’s in bed. You would really prefer not to hear another one of your friends having sex. 

“Yeah, we soundproof both our rooms so we wouldn’t have to worry about keeping it down while we were working on tracks.”

There is a small part of you that wants to tell him you shouldn’t stay the night, but your heart is telling you to say yes. After the week you’ve had there is nothing more you want then to cuddle with Chan. You haven’t had a sleepover or cuddled in probably five months.

It’s not long before Jisung and his girl leave the house, leaving Chan in charge of everyone in the house. Around 3:30 in the morning is when everyone finally leaves the house. Hyunjin stays behind to help you and Chan clean up some. You listen as he and Chan talk. Hyunjin is talking about a girl who lives with Felix that caught his interest. Last time you got lunch with Felix he was telling you about his new roommate who was a trust fund girl who was rebelling against her father. According to Felix “she’s sweet but a hot mess.”

“Hyunjin, I thought you said you can’t be distracted while you work on your collection for that exhibit?”

“Nothing has happened Chan, and I highly doubt she knows I exist. The last time I saw her she stumbled into the apartment wasted and Felix had class he couldn’t miss so I took care of her. I left as soon as Felix got home. I’m pretty sure she forgot I took care of her.”

Hyunjin is a sweet boy who wears his heart on his sleeve and you can tell if he gets involved with this girl she might hurt him. 

You finish cleaning up the house and Hyunjin finally heads home around 4:30. Heading upstairs with Chan he lets out a loud yawn. You turn back and look at him smiling at how sleepy he looks. You walk down the small hallway to where Chan’s room is. As you open the door to walk inside you hear Jisung’s door open. You and Chan turn and watch as Changbin who is only dressed in his boxer-briefs walks out into the small hallway. He turns and looks at Chan with a grin on his face.

“I need to get two bottles of water,” he says scratching the back of his neck.

Chan follows Changbin as they head downstairs. You go into Chan’s room and set your phone down on the nightstand before heading to the bathroom. You use the restroom and brush your teeth with the toothbrush you leave at Chan’s. Walking out of the bathroom you run into Changbin’s study buddy. You can tell she’s had quite the night with Changbin. Her hair is messy and she's dressed in nothing but Changbin’s shirt he had been wearing to the party and panties. Her cheeks burn bright as she pulls the shirt down covering as much of her body as possible. 

“You’re fine. Chan and Changbin went downstairs and nobody else is in the house,” you reassure her. “I’m YN by the way,” you give her an awkward wave.

“I’m Kitten,” you can tell she is nervous and a little flustered, but lord only knows what her and Changbin have been doing in that bedroom. “Are you Chan’s best friend?” she asked, tilting her head.

“Yeah,” you wonder if Changbin had mentioned you to her.

“I should probably use the restroom before Chan comes up and sees me like this.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” you say before walking off into Chan’s room. 

His room will always make you smile. He’s got his expensive computer set up against the wall and his bed is against the opposite wall. He doesn’t have many decorations in his room outside his lights that he got as a gift from his friend Felix that hang above his bed. On his dresser there are two photos framed, one of him, Changbin and Jisung, and the second photo was of the two of you. You’re both only seventeen in this photo. You had spent a long day at the pool. Chan’s curls were extra crazy and your hair was messy from the pool water. You’re dressed in your bathing suit bottoms and wearing Chan’s favorite hoodie, while he’s in swim trunks and shirtless from the waist up. His arms are wrapped around you hugging you from behind. When this photo was taken Chan told you he would always keep this no matter where he went.

You reach into Chan’s dresser pulling out one of his oversized shirts and a pair of his shorter gym shorts. You strip down to your underwear before getting changed. Crawling into Chan’s bed you wait for him to come back upstairs.

The door cracks open and Chan comes in. Without a single word he pulls off his shirt tossing it in the hamper by the door. You try to open your phone to keep yourself busy but you can’t help but watch Chan as he turns his back to you and he pulls off his tight jeans. He’s left standing there in his tight black supreme boxer briefs. His beautiful toned back is on full display. He pulls on his pajama pants and before turning around you make sure you’re looking away.

Pulling the blankets back he crawls into bed next to you. It’s been so long since you had a sleepover with him. You aren’t sure how you used to hold yourself back from kissing him. 

You move to get comfortable laying on your side facing Chan.

“YN?” he asks, laying on his side staring at you.

“Yeah Chan?”

“Why are you sad?” He reaches out, flipping your hand over. That’s a loaded question he asked you, but he doesn’t know it is.

“I’m just hurt about my breakup,” he traces little figures into the palm of your hand. There's a long moment of silence that takes over the room. 

“Did you love him?” he asks looking up at you. 

You stare at him taking in the features of his beautiful face. No man will ever compare to the man whose bed you’re laying in. “I don’t think I have ever loved any of the boys I have ever dated.” Since freshman year of college until now the second semester of Senior year you have dated four guys. None of the relationships lasted more than six months. It’s hard to fall in love when you’ve always loved your best friend.

“Minyoung didn’t deserve you,” he says, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.

“We should sleep Channie. It’s five in the morning.”

“We should,” he brings your hand up to his lips and presses a soft kiss to the top of your hand.

It’s not long before Chan falls asleep, but you can’t fall asleep no matter how hard you try. Laying in Chan’s bed you’re staring at his bare back. You aren’t sure how much longer you can go through him not knowing how you feel. There is a part of you that knows he has to have feelings for you, but part of you is absolutely afraid of rejection. You can’t risk losing him as your best friend.

-THEN-

On a chilly November evening Freshman year you were laying on Chan’s bed as he was sitting at his desk working on a new song he had been working on all week, you stared at your art history homework. Your brain was hurting from all the studying you had been doing for a huge quiz you had on thursday. Closing your book you stared at Chan who seemed completely lost in his own world. He had one headphone covering one of his ears.

“Channie?” You say loud enough for him to hear you over his music. 

He takes his headphones fully off, setting them down the desk. Spinning around in his desk chair so he’s facing you fully. His curls are extra messy from his pushing his fingers through them. He’s wearing a zip up hoodie that is unzipped low enough for you to tell he isn’t wearing a shirt. 

“Can I ask you something?” There had been something weighing on your mind since that drunken night Chan talked about still being a virgin. You move so you’re sitting cross legged on Chan’s bed.

“Yeah you can ask me anything?”

“Are you happy still being a virgin?” You didn’t know how to sugarcoat your question so you got straight to the point. His ear instantly turned a bright shade of red as he stared at you looking shocked. 

“Um-um-um,” he was nervously stuttering. 

“I’m a virgin too and I’m just wondering why everyone makes such a big deal about saving it for someone special.” You had thought about your virginity long before Chan’s drunken confession, but since finding out he was as well you thought about it even more. You had an opportunity to lose your v card at a graduation party with Hyunjae, a cute boy who spent the whole entire party flirting with you. You even had quite an intense makeout session with him in the pool house while he felt you up under your bra. He even asked you to go all the way. 

He blinks at you like he can’t figure out what he wants to say. There is something so adorable about him when he’s absolutely flustered like he is right now. 

“Do you want to sex with someone?” He says, sounding absolutely flustered. 

That’s the complicated thing, it’s just not somebody. You had been thinking about it since you graduated, that you wanted your first time to be with your best friend. “Chan, do you still want to be a virgin?” 

“YN- I-” he pauses and you know he’s trying to figure out exactly what he should say to you. “I don’t want my first time to just be with some random girl.”

You wished you didn’t have to directly tell him you want your first time to be with him, but he’s so nervous you don’t think he will pick up on your hints. “Chan, what if your first time was with me?” This is the chance to be brave and tell Chan exactly what you want.

His mouth opens and quickly as he stares at you again with his eyes wide. Reaching back he scratches the back of his neck. 

Looking down at your lap you play with the sleeve of your hoodie, nervous that you might have made a mistake. “We’ve never even kissed,” he finally speaks.

“What if we kissed now?” you move so you’re sitting on the edge of the bed with your feet resting on the hardwood floor. 

A screaming silence takes over the room as he stands up. He looks so soft as he stands in front of you. He’s dressed in his gym shorts he wore when he went to work out with Changbin. He steps closer to you holding his hand out. Without another thought you stand in front of him taking his hand for a moment. There isn't much space between you. Your eyes are locked on his warm one. He’s looking at you like he does all the time, like you're the light in a dark room. Taking a deep breath you wonder what happens next. Reaching up you make a move resting your hand on his cheek. He closes his eyes leaning into your touch. His thumb drags across the delicate skin on your cheek.

“You’re so beautiful,” you whisper.

“YN?”

“Yeah Channie?”

He leans forward and there is barely any space between your lips. You’ve never been this close to his lips, even on the nights you’ve fallen asleep in bed. He’s never been this close to your lips. “Are you sure you want me to be your first?”

Silently you nod. You swallow slowly, “you’re important to me.”

“What if I’m terrible at having sex?” he’s just as nervous as you are that you won’t be good at this.

“I want my first time with you? We can learn together what to do.”

He leans forward and his lips touch yours for the first time. His soft lips taste like his peppermint chapstick that has always been in his backpack. Wrapping your arms around his neck you pull him even closer to you. Your body feels alive as your lips move together. You back him up until the back of his legs hit his computer chair. He sits down and pulls you down so you’re straddling his thighs. You continue your heated makeout session. Your lips only part for him to pull off your hoodie. Once you remove your bra you’re sitting on his lap completely bare from the waist up. His hand roams all over your body as your lips continue to move together. You learn quickly the sound of Chan moaning as you grind your core against his strained gym shorts is music to your ears.

It’s not long before both of you are fully naked and laying on his bed. Chan had managed to get the condom that Changbin gave him on their first day of college. He hovers over you with a goofy smile on his face. Reaching up you push your fingers through his fluffy curls. 

“If this is terrible, promise me you won't hate me,” he says brushing his nose against yours.

“I could never hate you Chan.”

Your first time together wasn’t perfect by any means. Chan struggled a little to find a rhythm and a couple clumsy kisses led to your noses bumping. He finished a little earlier than he would have wanted to but it was okay because you found your own release shortly after with the help of his finger. It wasn’t earth shattering sex by any means, but that's okay because you preferred your first time be slightly awkward and clumsy, because it was with Chan and that’s what was important. 

Laying there in his bed dressed in nothing but your hoodie and panties you knew that even though you loved Chan with your whole heart no matter what happened in life you needed him by your side even if he was just your friend.

Your first time together didn’t lead to some confession of undying love, you didn’t even have the nerve to admit you liked him as more than a friend. But that was okay because he was still the most important person in your life.

-NOW-

Two weeks have passed since your sleepover with Chan and you’ve been with him pretty nonstop. He’s been trying his hardest to do things that make you smile. You’ve been trying your hardest to not think about your break up. 

One night you had a movie night over Changbin’s house with him, and his new girl Kitten, Angel and Minho. Hyunjin was busy doing something with Felix and couldn’t join, and Jisung was on a date with Honey and asked Chan if he could have the house to himself. 

Sitting on the couch between Changbin and Chan you distracted yourself the whole movie by paying attention to the way Changbin would hold Kitten’s hand and every so often lean over and kiss her. It made you smile finally seeing Changbin somewhat tame now that he’s with his study buddy. You kept glancing up at Angel and Minho who would touch each other’s hands for a few seconds here and there. Since finding out they were at least sleeping together you’ve become aware of their lingering touches and how close they are. 

Chan reaches over resting his hand on your thigh. Looking over him he smiles before leaning over and whispering, “can I crash in your living room tonight. I don’t know what Jisung has planned with Honey.”

“Of course.” You know he’s not going to sleep in your living room. He never does, he’ll sleep in your bed just like he always does. 

The moment the movie ends Changbin disappears with Kitten grabbing her hand pulling her off to his room. Chan went off to Minho's room so he could show him something while you went to the kitchen with Angel. 

She reached into the cupboard and pulled out a coffee cup. She grabbed you one and worked on making you each a cup of tea. 

“Are you going to dare sleeping in the room next to Changbin’s tonight?” You know that Changbin’s room isn’t soundproofed like Jisung’s so if Angel slept in her room she would most likely hear noises from Changbin and his girl that she probably wouldn't want to.

“Oh god no. Minho offered to hang out with me, and I could sleep on the couch in the living room.” She’s completely oblivious to the fact that you know she’s hooking up with Minho.  

“Is Chan coming to your place tonight?” She asked, handing you a cup of tea. 

“Yeah, Jisung has some special date with Honey planned.”

“Have you decided if you’re applying for your grad school program?” For the last week and half deciding on if you were going to grad school had been weighing on your mind.  You know you have your apartment lease for another year so even if you don’t go to grad school you can still live near all your friends. Chan already told you Jisung and him were staying in the city and gonna work on producing more music and Changbin already has an internship at a record label. 

“I think I’m gonna do it. I want to get into publishing and grad school can help. What about you?”

“I’m putting my app in for nursing school so hopefully it goes well. I think Minho mentioned grad school. He’s like you, he's trying to figure out the next step. I told him he should really try to become a teacher like he wants to.”

Chan comes into the kitchen with Minho right behind him. He walks over and rests his head on your shoulder. It’s pushing midnight and you can tell he’s tired. 

“I think I need to get this guy home,” you lean your head against his. 

“Angel we should watch another movie, I figure by the time that movie is over maybe Changbin will have worn himself out,” Minho reaches over and takes Angel’s cup from her hands. 

The drive back to your place is pretty short. Chan parks in the same spot he always does. You head up to your apartment and he takes off his shoes and stretches his tired body. The hem of his shirt rising up exposing just enough of his beautiful skin between the hem of his shirt and his jeans.

“Did you want me to sleep on the couch?” He yawns. 

You should say yes, because maybe if he does you can work on trying to turn off your feelings you have for him, and maybe some of this building tension between you could dissipate. 

Shaking your head, “no why don’t you crawl into bed. I’m gonna take a quick shower.”

He heads off to your room and you head off to the bathroom. Your body feels super tense and you’re hoping a shower can help relax you finally. You’re happy to see your pajamas are still left in the bathroom from this morning. Opening the sliding glass door of the shower you turn on the warm water. 

Stripping away your clothes you step into the warm water. You try your hardest not to get your hair wet attempting to just wash your body and let the warm water relieve your tense muscles. Standing there you try to shut your brain off but all you can think of is Chan. Since Minyoung broke up with you and brought up your friendship with Chan you haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. You would be lying to yourself if you said you thought you could have ever loved Minyoung or any of your other exes for that matter.

Getting out of the shower you dry off and get dressed for bed. Walking into your room you see a very peaceful looking Chan dresses in just his sleep shorts he always leaves at your place. He’s curled up under the covers on the side he always sleeps on. He’s already sound asleep. Crawling into bed you lay on your side looking at him. You watch him as he slowly breathes. You want to reach out and hold him but you can’t. There’s this little part of you that wonders what would happen if you could stop loving him. You wonder if things would be easier. Maybe you could date someone and actually fall in love with them. There is this little nagging voice asking what would've happened if you would have fallen in love with either Jisung or Changbin if they would love you back or want to be with you.

Reaching out your rest, your hand on top of Chan’s that is on the bed between you. Your thumb runs across the skin on top of his hand like he does to you when he’s listening to you talk.

“Why can’t we be together?” you whisper to yourself.

You fall asleep shortly after thinking of your best friend like you always did.

-THEN-

Senior Winter Formal was something you had been looking forward to since the first day of senior year. Sitting in Jisung’s room you listen as Jisung is talking about how he asked out a girl from his science class. The formal was in two weeks, usually by now Chan has already asked you to be his date. Since Winter Formal was announced you haven’t even heard Chan mention it. You hadn’t bought a dress or anything for the dance.

“Changbin, who are you going with?” Jisung asks, throwing himself down on the bed next to you.

Changbin is lounging against the wall next to you on the bed. He looks at Jisung, narrowing his eyes, “Sungie I haven’t really thought about it. I’ll go solo if anything.”

“What about you YN?” Jisung asks, hitting your foot.

You look over at Chan who is sitting in a Jisung’s desk chair messaging someone on his phone. He’s seemed super distracted these last two weeks. Normally by now Chan would chime in and tell the boys he was going with you, but his silence was deafening. You swallow realizing he’s not taking you. You can’t explain it but you suddenly feel like you’re about to cry.

“I don’t have a date,” you try your hardest to force a smile.

Jisung rolls off the bed. Looking down at your lap you try your hardest to fight back the tears that keep trying to fall. Changbin nudges your leg with his, capturing your attention. Looking up at him he gives you a sad smile.

“Channie, do you have a date? I can’t be the only one here with a date,” Jisung pesters.

Chan closes his phone and looks up at Jisung who is standing in front of him. He scratches the back of his neck. “Yeah I just asked Rachel and she said she would go with me.” There it is, he’s found another girl he would rather go with then you. Closing your eyes you push back the tears threatening to fall. Your chest hurts realizing that Chan has someone he likes.

Changbin's hand rests on your knee giving it a quick squeeze. “Bambi?” He says barely loud enough for the other boys to hear.

“Did you need a ride home?” 

“Yeah I should probably go home for dinner,” you get off the bed. You want to get out of this room so badly. You can’t let Chan and Jisung know you’re upset because Chan is going out with someone else.

“My mom asked me to head home for dinner too,” Changbin says.

You leave Jisung’s house and walk outside where Changbin’s car is parked. He unlocks his car and you sit down in the passenger seat. He gets in the car and puts the keys in the ignition but doesn’t start the car.

“YN?” He calls you by your actual name which is something he doesn’t do very often. He calls you Bambi more than anyone else.

“Yeah Bin?”

“Go formal with me.” He wasn’t asking you, he was telling you, you should go with him. You don’t say anything, you just lean your head against the window still fighting back tears. “I didn’t know he was asking Rachel. If I would've known he was asking someone else I would have asked you to go with me last week.”

“Bin you can go with another girl if you want. You don’t need to take me just because Chan isn’t.”

He sighs and you look over at him, he looks upset and you don’t know why. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t like seeing you sad. “Please just go to formal with me. There is no one else I would rather go with.” “Okay,” you whisper.

Two weeks later when Winter Formal came around Changbin made a big deal about you matching and even took you out to dinner before the dance. Jisung and Chan rented a limo and went with both their dates. Chan was quite awkward when he found out you were going with Changbin, but asked if you guys wanted to ride in the limo with them. Before you could say anything Changbin told him he would be driving. Changbin made a big deal about making sure the night was special for you.

Formal for the most part was quite uneventful. Somehow Chan got dragged away and had to hang out with Rachel’s friend group leaving you to hang out with Changbin, and Jisung and his date.

You and Changbin spent most the night talking and eventually Jisung made both of you dance with him. When a slow song came one you watched from across the dance floor as your best friend danced with another girl. Changbin immediately took your hand leading you to the dance floor so you could dance. him. He held you close swaying to the rhythm of the slow song. You couldn’t help but look up every so often at Chan dancing with Rachel. There was a stabbing feeling in your chest that let you know that you were very much in love with your best friend. 

-NOW-

It had been a month and half since your break up, in that time you had seen a handful of your ex’s friends and heard them whisper about you cheating on him. It wasn’t worth the waste of breath to tell them you didn’t cheat. You only cared that nobody said anything to Chan.

You were just trying really hard to avoid Minyoung but it’s a little hard when you find him at your front door one evening. You had been getting ready for Chan to come over so he could order take out with you.

It takes everything in you not to slam the door right in his face. “We need to talk,” you can tell by the look on his face. He's clearly upset.

“I don’t want to talk,” you groan. You’re exhausted from this breakup and the last thing you want to do is talk to him.

“YN please let me in so we can talk.”

Stepping aside, Minyoung walks into your living room. He walks a few feet into your living room when he turns around to face you. He crosses his arms as he knits his eyebrows together staring at you. “You know the other night I saw you at the bar with Angel, Minho and Chan?” Of course he’s brought up when he saw you out with Chan. “Why am I not shocked that Chan slid in the moment he had a chance?”

You have a gut feeling you know where this conversation is going. Before you can say anything your front door opens and Chan walks in he clearly used his key you gave him. You don’t know if you’re excited Chan can save you from this conversation or worried about what might happen. Chan’s eyes are immediately locked on Minyoung as he takes his shoes off by the door. Your ex turns around and lets out a loud laugh at the site of your best friend.

“You got to be fucking kidding?” Minyoung says. “I don’t think I was lying when I said you were cheating on me with Chan,” he glares at you but you can’t even look at him. You’re just looking at Chan who goes from looking confessed to angry quite quickly.

“Minyoung what the fuck are you talking about?” Chan finally speaks. He walks over so he’s standing off to the side but between you and your ex.

You close your eyes scrunching your nose. You know that Chan is going to be pissed that your ex is spreading rumors about you. “He’s been telling people that I cheated on him with you.”

There is a long beat of silence and Chan looks like he’s trying his hardest to calm down. Biting your bottom lip you nervously mess with the sleeve of your sweater. Chan stops looking at Minyoung and he immediately looks at you. “That’s why you were upset at my party huh?”

“Oh how sweet, did she run to her Channie for comfort?” Minyoung lets out a bitter laugh.

“Shut up Minyoung,” you shout. “You need to leave.” You can’t stand to look at him anymore. 

“I’ll leave but I need you to answer this one thing. Tell me to my face you don’t have feelings for him. Tell me you aren’t in love with him.” He stares right at you. You glance up at Minyoung for a second before looking down at your feet. You can’t tell him the truth and if you lie to him that could hurt Chan. “Your silence speaks volumes. Chan I hope you're happy you ruined everything.” 

“Shut the fuck up Minyoung,” Chan steps between you and Minyoung and pushes your ex’s chest. “We’re just friends,” Chan sounds the angriest you’ve ever heard him.

“Don’t try this ‘just friends’ bullshit with me. She can’t even say she doesn’t have feelings for you. Anyone with eyes can see the way you look at her.”

You reach up grabbing Chan’s arm to pull him away from Minyoung before he does something he might regret. Chan’s never been a violent person, but you know he would do anything to protect you and your honor. “Chan he’s not worth it,” you whisper. Chan turns around to look at you and you can see the hurt behind his eyes. 

“I’m not blind I saw your lingering touches on her whenever you got a chance,” Minyoung continued. “I see the way you look at her, and unfortunately I saw the way she looks at you.”

“Get the fuck out before I physically remove you,” Chan growls. 

“I think you both just proved my point,” Minyoung says before leaving and slamming the door.

Standing in your living room still holding onto Chan’s arm. There is a suffocating silence taking over the room. You release his arm and step back pushing your fingers through your hair.

“Why couldn’t you tell him you weren’t in love with me,” he sighs. You look up into his sad brown eyes. He looks like he’s on the verge of crying. Stepping forward you rest your hand on his cheek. He leans into your touch, closing his eyes. His eyes slowly open and he opens his mouth with his lip quivering, “I think I know why you didn’t say anything but I need to hear you say it.”

That’s it, eight years of bottled up feelings finally need to be laid out on the table. You can’t deny your feelings to yourself or him anymore. If you lie to him and yourself and tell him you don’t love him you’ll lose him. Some things are worth the risk in life and nothing has been worth more of a risk this. You take our hand off his cheek and take a deep breath.

“I love you. I think I have since that first summer I moved in,” the suffocating weight has finally been lifted off your chest. “Please tell me you love me too, because I’m so scared I’m going to lose you,” you suddenly want to cry. Your eyes are brimming with tears as you look at your best friend. “I pushed away these feelings for so long, and I can finally tell you I have always loved you.”

He takes your face in both his hands before leaning forward and brushing his nose against yours the same way he did that fateful night you slept together. “I have loved you since the moment I met you. I fell so hard for you the first movie night we had at my house with Bin and Jisung when we were fourteen. I never stopped loving you, and do you know how hard it was to let you go after that night we slept together.”

“Why didn’t we confess then?” The tears slowly start sliding down your cheek.

“Because we were both dumb, but we were both so scared.” His thumb brushes the tear away from your cheek. “Let’s not waste another moment. I love you so much and I don’t want to watch you date any more of these idiots.”

“I don’t want to date anyone else.”

Leaning forward he presses his lips to yours for the first kiss you’ve shared since your one night together. This kiss was different from the first. Butterflies flutter in your stomach as your lips move together. He’s still holding your face in his hands. Your fingers grip his shirt holding him close to you. Pulling his lips away from yours  he rested his forehead against yours. 

“We’ve missed out on so much time together,” he whispered. “I watched you try dating other people, but I couldn’t bring myself to even try to love anyone else. A part of me has always been waiting for you.” He brushes his lips against yours for another kiss. “I've been waiting for us.”

Stepping back from him you take a moment to just look at him. Reaching down you take his hand. He doesn’t say anything as you lead him off to your bedroom. 

“Channie, I don't want to waste another moment. Will you make love to me?” He stands there staring at you nervously. 

“I’m still not super experienced. I’ve only slept with two other people,” you think back to the few drunken nights Chan had when you were dating other people and Chan would spend parties talking to other girls. He stopped showing interest in other people like that during sophomore year.

You step back pulling off your sweater. “That’s fine Chan.” You step closer to him reaching for the bottom of his shirt. “I just want to be with you.”

You both strip down to your underwear and you lead Chan to your bed. Sitting on your bed with his back against the headboard you sit on his thighs. Your lips move together as his hand roams your back. His hands brush against the clasp of your bra and you smile pulling away. His hand reaches up and pushes your bra straps off your shoulders. He reaches behind you stumbling a little but works on unclasping your bra. 

Sitting on his thighs completely bare from the waist up you reach forward kneading his already hardened erection straining against his black boxer briefs. The moment you make contact a moan passes his lips as his head rolls back against the wall. Leaning forward you press your lips to his throat. You kiss your way from the bottom of his throat up his jaw until you reach his lips again. His hands find their way to your breast. One hand focuses on pinching your nipple while the other hand massages your other breast. Pulling your lips away from his you moan at the feeling of his hands on you. Rolling your head back you moan his name.

He presses his lips to the juncture where your neck meets your shoulder and leaves a wet kiss before nipping at your skin. 

“Chan,” you gasp.

His hand travels up to your neck and his thumb runs across the center of your throat. Your eyes open as you look at him curiously. “Your neck is so pretty,” he murmurs before pressing an open mouth kiss to the delicate skin on your neck. Something clicks as he pulls away staring at you. 

“Chan, when you’ve slept with other people did you try anything new?” You think back to the handful of guys you’ve been with. A couple have been better than others. One of them from junior year was really into experimenting.

“Not really,” he says with his cheeks flushing.

“That’s fine, maybe we can experiment in the future,” you smile.

“The future?” he says almost as if he’s unsure of what the future holds.

“Yes, the future. Chan, we're in it for the long haul. I like to think the long haul involves us having sex whenever we want,” you laugh a little.

“I would like to try new things with you,” he leans forward pressing his lips to yours for another kiss.

“Anything you want to try?” you ask, as his hand rests on your throat again. 

“Jisung mentioned that Honey likes it when he puts pressure on her throat,” his thumb gently brushes against your windpipe.

Biting your bottom lip you try your hardest to hold back a smile. Of course Jisung likes choking his girlfriend, and of course he told Chan about it. The idea of Chan trying out new kinks on you is exciting. “If you want to try it you have my consent. If you want to try anything on me, all you have to do is ask.”

He puts a little bit of pressure on your throat and it feels exciting. You roll your hips against his strained erection earning a moan from him. He leans forward pressing his lips to yours for a heated kiss and he releases your throat letting you fully breathe for a moment before putting pressure on your throat again. You moan into his mouth rolling your hips again.

“I need to be inside you,” he groans, removing his hand from your throat.

You crawl off him removing your underwear and Chan lifts his hips removing his boxers. Reaching into your night stand you pull out the box of condoms you have and sit them down the nightstand. You pull out one foil packet and hand it to chan. He tears the packet open and slides the rubber down his strained cock. You crawl back onto his lap. Pushing your fingers through his curls he gives you a soft smile. His hands rub your sides as he stares into your eyes. He’s giving you that same look he always gives you like you're the sun to his moon, except there’s a lust filled haze there too. 

“For future reference I’m on the pill and clean. So if you want to go bare, feel free to.”

He groans tilting his head back, “you’re going to kill me.”

“Why am I going to kill you?” you laugh.

“The thought of filling you up is enough to kill me,” he obviously was a little embarrassed at admitting this. 

“Do you have a breeding kink I should know about,” you can’t help but smile. There is something so relaxing about this conversation between you. A heavy sigh passes his lips letting you know he does. “Chan, we can play into that one time if you want.” You lift your hips so you’re hovering over his hardened length. “Are you ready?” you whisper running his length through your wet folds. You moan as his flush head nudges your sensitive clit.

“Oh god yes,” he moans.

Slowly you sink down on his length taking his cock bit by bit. Once you’re filled to the hilt resting on his thighs you lean forward connecting your lips to his for a searing kiss. One hand grips your hip while the other takes your breast in his hand. You lift your hips slowly until just the tip is left inside you before sinking down slowly. 

His lips are connected to your throat. Kissing his way across your delicate skin. Every so often you hear him whisper, “baby.” He’s never called you that before.

The room is filled with the echoing sounds of you chanting his name like a prayer and his breathless moans.

“Baby you feel perfect and so tight squeezing me cock,” he moans. Him talking dirty to you is absolutely exciting.

“Chan you feel so big,” you moan. You want him to know how good he’s making you feel. He thrust up to help you along the way as you ride him. The curve of his cock is hitting just the right place inside you. The man you’re having sex is a very different boy then the only you lost your virginity to. There is a new confidence in Chan as he helps guide your hips up and down his cock.

“I love you,” you say.

He nods his head rapidly, “I love you so fucking much.”

Taking his face in both your hands you crash your lips into his as you continue to ride him, chasing your high. He’s already lasted longer than your first time by far and the way moving you against his cock he doesn’t like he’s close. You kiss him like you need him to breathe. He is the oxygen you need in your lungs. 

Pulling your lips away from him you desperately say, “I’m so close.” He’s pushing you closer and closer to the edge. 

“Baby come for me,” he pleads.

A few more drags of his cock hitting the electric part inside you sends you over the edge. You moan his name loudly as a white hot wave takes over you. Throwing your head back he connects his lips to your throat as he continues to move you up and down his length helping you ride out your high. He slams you down hard once on his length as he finds his own lease in the rubber around his length. You roll your hips a few times before his whimpers. You are still resting  on his lap with him still snug inside you. 

“Have I mentioned I love you,” he says as his breathing steadies.

“I don’t think I will ever get over hearing you say that.”

He leans forward resting his nose against yours, “I don’t want to ever let you go.”

A soft laugh passes your lips, “I’m not going anywhere Chan.”

You crawl off his lap laying on your back on top of your blankets. It feels so normal just laying there naked with him. He sits there for a moment before removing his condom, tossing it in the waste bin. He jumps out of bed and runs out of your room naked. You can’t help but smile at the site of his cute ass leaving your room. He comes back into the room with a warm washcloth. 

“Spread your legs baby,” there is that nickname again. You could get used to him calling you baby. 

You spread your legs and he gently wipes your moist core. “Channie, you really only need to do that when you cum inside me.”

“Let me take care of you,” he says.

“Chan do you really have a breeding kink?” you’re dying to know if this is going to be something you get to play with in bed.

He tosses the washcloth in the hamper by your door and lays on the bed next to you. “I didn’t before today, but I love the idea of getting to fill you up with my cum. Maybe it’s because one day I want it all with you. I want to marry you and have kids with you.”

Your heart swells at the thought of having a little family with him. “You love me so much that you want to marry me and knock me up?” you move so you’re resting right next to him with your head on his chest.

“Are you going to let me do those things to you?” he gently rubs your side holding you close.

“The marriage or knocking me up?” “Bambi,” he says, earning a laugh from you. “I want to do both with you.”

“That’s good because I want you to do both,” you smile.

You fall asleep in bed with him, but this time it’s different because he holds you in his arms while you sleep. In the morning you wake up to him spooning you and holding him close. His morning wood pressing against your ass leads to morning sex where you get to test out Chan’s newly discovered breeding kink. You spend the whole next day together in your apartment before heading back to Chan’s place where you find Jisung and Honey eating dinner with Hyunjin and Changbin. 

When you walk through the front door Changbin lights up at the sight of you and Chan holding hands. He gets up from the table and walks over to you and Chan with a huge smile on his face. “It’s about damn time you finally admitted you’re in love.” 

𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝. 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬.

I realize this story hinted at someone else having a crush that hasn’t been brought. That might have to get brought of in future connecting stories.

𝘏𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘫𝘪𝘯'𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘍𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘉𝘢𝘣𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦'𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘖𝘧 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘴. 𝘐 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘍𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘹'𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺. 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧.

a lot of people asked to be tagged but when I tried tagging you your username wouldn’t come up.

@sstarryoong @hiseu @whatudowhennooneseesyou @svintsandghosts @gingertalksshit @palecoffeeruins @bubblelixie @lmhcats @hyynee @tanyas97 @lilacisentyou @ladybaudelaire @waitingforskz @penny44224 @danihernande @oxzie @leomggg @lachinitaaaaa @mattmurdockcansteponme  @questiontotheanswer @avaskz @eunoia-kth  @straykisz @kosmoskookie @changbinscypher @planetdemon  @minaamhh  @hugs4chan  @cb97zone​ @hiseu​ @laylasbunbunny​ @caroline-ds-world​ @neosfw  @minaamhh​ @idek-at-this-point-lol​ @jisungsbff01​​ @starshine-moon​ @hwang232​ @ftwgyu​ @catyae​ @sstarryoong​ @hisgzel​ @jdbxws​

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[nolita-fairytale]

burn your life down: the director's cut, or rather, fun facts about this story now that it's over

luca's last name in my fic is davies, and formally davies-bernardi. bernardi in italian means 'strong as a bear' which, was truly a perfect coincidence that i originally thought it sounded good hyphenated with davies. it felt like the perfect little nugget to drop in here.

this one kind of took on a life of its own. I thought maybe a headcanon or a few chapters, then 46.5k words later... before writing a fic, i always like to map out where i'm going, because it helps me zero in on what story i want to tell. as someone (and who hasn't, truly) who has plenty of abandoned fics, i like to get clear on what story it is i want to tell before beginning to write so that i know it's a fic worth writing for me. no, i don't think finishing a fic should be a marker of success, but where i'm at right now, it feels like the best way for me to see if i have a story to tell or not.

speaking of stories to tell, the reason i wanted to have our main character divorced was because i wanted to try something different. i wondered how i could differentiate this mc (while keeping the reader neutral so you could picture yourselves in it if you wanted to) from others that i have written / will write in the future. the divorce and growing apart is actually kind of inspired by my previous upstairs neighbor who i met a year after his divorce. i wanted to imagine what the inner world of someone who had experienced a divorce that wasn't messy, but its relationship had just run its course and i the end, left two people who weren't sure who they were and how to talk to each other anymore would be like.

music and playlisting really helps me envision and feel into the world that I’m building. I ask myself questions like: what does their love sound like? what does this relationship shound like? how do i want the world i'm building feel, and how do i convey that in sound? and then of course, what songs could underscore certain moments of this chapter? listening to the playlist i create as i go really helps me get into character aka enter the world of the story when i'm sitting down the write.

so many of my fics and interactions are based on my own real life experiences, which is why they often feel so human and so real. i weave in little details like conversations i've had, a person i reminded of. i often write dialogue after i've imagined the scene in my head down to the cadence of how characters speak to one another to make sure it feels grounded.

speaking of, we've got to talk about the food in this fic, something that you all complimented me on at the very beginning! it was important for me to have the food feel deeply personal to reader, and be an expression of her identity through the years. yes, i wrote it with an mc with asian heritage in mind. however, i wanted to make space, again, for you to picture yourself in this fic, which is why mc's ex and family were written with japanese heritage.

a lot of the dishes were inspired by dishes i've had that were similar to what i think her culinary pov would be, and a lot of it is the way that i cook as well. i am not a chef by any means, but i am AM a home cook who occasionally does pop ups who very recently discovered my own culinary pov. food for me is something that not only helps me express myself, but has helped me connect to parts of my own identity. in so many ways, as someone who describes themselves as a cultural melting pot, food helps me feel closer to myself; it helps me find and define, and express who i am.

the culture of food and the role it plays in allowing us to connect was really important for me to weave into this story as well.

for the mikkelson twins, i pictured timothee and pauline chalamet as jesper and mathilde.

for the kimuras: rina sawayama would play astrid, darren barnet would play joe, and gia kim would play lina.

let's talk about luca's character development: so many things were so will poulter-coded/borrowed for will poulter, which felt right to do considering he wove his own life into the luca's tattoos. examples? the nike book, the kendrick lamar on the playlist, how much internal work the man has done on himself.

in the end, I initially had mc have a way bigger freak out than she did -- that it would be her final: holy shit am i ready to be loved moment, but as i wrote it, it ended up being luca who brought up the main conflict. it just ended up going in a different direction and didn't feel right to go with my original plan, because she felt so in their relationship already that i pivoted.

i watched a lot of travel and lifestyle copenhagen vlogs because i'm obsessed with youtube.

after season 2 of the bear, i wanted to explore what positive relationships with mothers could look like in these characters. that's why mothers (and single mothers) are the superheroes of this fic.

i knew i wanted this fic to be about these things: second love, loss, trusting the beginning that comes after the end, inspiration, following your heart, and mothers. these are the guiding principles that i used when writing, knowing that these were the pillars i wanted this story to be about.

looking forward: i am working on two oneshots that will live in this world, one about marcus visiting again -- an eat, pray, love for him of sorts -- that's about mothers and loss and life. the other one is a fun, sexy little smutshot that will hardlaunch their (she and luca's) restaurant so keep an eye out for those. truthfully, i've only just started workshopping the marcus one and am prioritizing finishing my carmy fic first.

opening myself up for q&a! feel free to ask any questions about this fic or my writing process in the comments.

#chef luca #will poulter #luca the bear #the bear season 2 #the bear headcanon #luca x reader #the bear hulu #the bear fx #the bear fanfiction #chef luca x reader #pastry chef luca #burn your life down

[pluckysidekick]

It’s Wednesday, my fellow Drewds! Going into the holidays I can’t help thinking about how our favorite Crew are celebrating the holidays. Can’t wait for all of the @secretsleuthexchange fics, gifsets, and fanvids we’re going to get!

In the meantime, I was inspired by a poll from @burningblake about which classic “standard” song best represents Nace (all excellent choices). I wound up making a Season 4 playlist of standards from the Great American Songbook, and a few other classic tracks, that represent their Season 4 journey for me. If you’re interested in this sort of thing, here we go!

I’ll be linking the Spotify tracks, but you should be able to find them all on Apple Music or YouTube. If you want a link to the full playlist, just hit me up here or on Discord.

1. The Nearness of You - This Hoagy Carmichael classic brings to mind Nancy and Ace’s inability to stay apart every time they’re near each other in Episode 401 🥺. I love the Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong duet, but I picked Norah Jones’ version from her 2002 debut album because it’s just so perfectly wistful.

2. Is You Is or Is You Ain’t My Baby - this so so cool track was written by Louis Jordan, but I first heard it on Tom and Jerry (that’s the fighting cat and mouse cartoon in case you’re too young to remember them). I immediately envision the back and forth argument Nancy and Ace have throughout Episode 402 in the lyrics of this song. Ace just wants to know! I adore Joe Jackson’s version, but I went with Dinah Washington and Quincy Jones from 1956 because it is absolutely perfect.

3. Night and Day - I like to imagine that Nancy and Ace stayed up all night talking at the end of 402. This song perfectly embodies their relationship at this stage 🥹. It was written by Cole Porter for Fred Astaire to sing in the original ‘The Gay Divorce’ Broadway musical (catch the film, a classic Fred and Ginger madcap musical romcom with such amazing dancing🕺🏼). But I had to go with Frank Sinatra from 1957’s ‘A Swingin Affair’ because it’s such a classic swing tune.

4. April in Paris - I’m not crying, you’re crying. Warning, there’s going to be a lot of crying in this playlist. Nancy telling Ace the story of her parents’ honeymoon in Paris in Episode 403, that shy smile when she tells him she always wanted to recreate it with someone, GAH. I had to pick the wonderful Sarah Vaughan with Clifford Brown on trumpet, simply exquisite. I’m going to have to take a break to sob quietly in the corner. “What have you done to my heart” indeed.

5. Fever - There was only one song, and only one version of this song, that matches the heat Nancy and Ace generated in the infamous Sigil scene. Peggy Lee burned the house down in 1958 with this track. “What a lovely way to burn” - Nancy can relate.

6. So in Love - Another genius Cole Porter song, written originally for Kiss Me Kate, but sung here by the incomparable Ella Fitzgerald (my personal hero). I had to pick it for THE KISS. They are just so in love 😭. A beautiful song and a beautiful rendition worthy of Nancy and Ace’s love. The fact that Kiss Me Kate is a musical about bickering exes who eventually find love again makes it even more perfect.

7. Crying - Roy Orbison, 1962. Need I say more? I may never recover from the final scene of 403. This song at least helps a little with the pain by naming it. Roy hits some insane notes in this song—the intensity matches both Nancy and Ace’s misery in that moment.

8. Good Morning, Heartache - More like Good Morning, Sorbet. In Episode 404, Nancy drowns her sorrows in her favorite frozen dessert to deal with the heartache of gaining and losing Ace. And no one does heartache like Billie Holiday, who recorded this song in 1946. Heartache haunts Nancy all throughout S4, and this track represents it perfectly.

9. I had two contenders for the Nace scenes in Episode 405, both from the early 60’s. I Fall to Pieces, released by Patsy Cline and The Jordanaires in 1961, was a country crossover and Patsy’s number one hit—an incredible track that embodies Nancy’s emotions on seeing Ace again. She can’t even look him the eye at the beginning of the episode. Which brings me to my other choice, Walk on By, written by Hal David and Burt Bacharach, and famously sung by Dionne Warwick in 1964. Nancy puts up a brave front for most of this episode, but inside she wants to break down and cry.

10. Episode 405’s speed dating montage is one of my favorite scenes of Season 4. Again I have two contenders—why should I have to choose? Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer’s One For My Baby (and One More for the Road), as sung by Ella Fitzgerald (again ‘cause she’s the best), is an ideal soundtrack for Nancy’s increasingly desperate descent as she spends every would-be speed date talking about Ace and THAT KISS. Equally appropriate is Billy Strayhorn’s Lush Life—velvet-voiced Johnny Hartman and saxophonist John Coltrane’s 1963 track positively drips with ennui, elegantly over cocktails, of course. If you’ve never heard this one, please give it a listen. There’s even a mention of a week in Paris 🥺.

11. Episode 406, with the infamous Spider Prom, is Ace’s episode IMO—we finally get to see how he’s dealing with the loss of the love of his life and his best friend. He so desperately wants to somehow get back to being friends with Nancy, he resorts to spending countless hours with the help of S4 MVP Nick trying to catch Chunky Velez for her. Can’t We Be Friends? is the perfect song for him in this episode, gorgeously sung by Ella and Louis. That is, until he spies Nancy and Tristan dancing, and realizes what he can never have. Etta James’ blistering track I’d Rather Go Blind captures Ace’s feelings in that moment. He may have been the one to halt their attempts to brake the curse, but he’s hurting just as much as Nancy is.

12. I’ve got two seminal songs to represent Episode 407. When Nancy realizes that Ace let Chunky go, and hears his admission that seeing her with Tristan hurt, it positively screams Cry Me a River. No, not the Justin Timberlake song 😅. This epic torch song was famously sung by Julie London in 1955, and expresses beautifully Nancy’s scorn at Ace’s hypocrisy even as she admits that he broke her heart.

Their fight, and Nancy’s subsequent dashed hopes that Ace would call her bluff and come back, makes me think of Ev’ry Time We Say Goodbye. Another Cole Porter masterpiece sung by Ella. What can I say? You can’t top perfection:

Every time we say goodbye, I die a little Every time we say goodbye, I wonder why a little Why the gods above me, who must be in the know Think so little of me, they allow you to go

I dare you to listen to this track without weeping over the Nace of it all. Enjoy!

Well, Drewds, we’re just past the halfway mark of Season 4 and this post is already a novel, so I’m going to stop here for now. What did you think of my picks? Any you think I missed?

I’ll do a Part 2 as long as I get a few notes on this one 😂 . It will feature more classic songs that represent Nancy and Ace as they head into the back half of the season. I know it’s going to get rough ahead, but I promise the music will be sweet.

Update: Part 2 is here!

#nancy drew #nancy drew cw #nace #ndcw #cw nancy drew #ace hardy #jazz #great american songbook #kennedy mcmann #alex saxon #nacesource #ndcentral #ella fitzgerald #louis armstrong #billie holiday #julie london #norah jones #dinah washington #etta james #patsy cline #roy orbison #author: pluckysidekick

[penroseparticle]

Curation 2024: Flesh and Marble

Hey! You got an hour?

I love curation. I like taking the unending deluge of information, of sensations, of stuff that the world throws at us, and I just. I think one of the kindest, most gentle things you can do for another person is say "look at this. Decision paralysis is banished, information overload is dead, check out this story I've created. Look at these specific rocks out of the infinite combinations of rocks there are. Not just these rocks, but this order. See the narrative? There's a through line, if you look. Trust Me. Take my hand."

I love making playlists for that exact reason. You almost have to make them like throwing pots, with a reckless abandon that allows for a stroke of inspiration. But also, you kind of have to be allowed to let a few off the wheel lumpy and potential but not fully realized. You gotta Get Down with the concept of failure. To burn through them until you find just the right combination of songs that captures a feeling, a time, a memory. A museum of music.

I like museums because they are, more than anything, a signpost for what we find important. A landmark. The public art of city streets given form in an art museum, sometimes even through that same public art, often divorced of context, because museums don't let themselves be weird enough. To commit to the bit enough.Too few museums truly curate, truly immerse in the story. Give you a reason to follow the threads they lay. You start to almost resent it. Get in your feelings. Feel Sum Kinda Way. But once you learn to speak museum, you realize that they can only meet you halfway, and you are your own curator as you wander hallowed halls and learn about building materials, about Rothko, about postage stamps. You pick your own adventure. And you fall in love with museums all over again.

So when I find a museum or something that I enjoy, I just. Lose It. I want to share it. I want to take you along and say "LOOK AT THIS. How Does It Make You Feel." I want you to share in the wonder, and the marvel. So sometimes I even write. Sometimes I say, I can enchant you, ensnare you. I can bring you along the line, into the fold, I can capture a sunray for the length of a paragraph. Time frozen in amber, in service of you seeing just a touch of the magic.

I almost died again this year. Maybe more than once. There's Comedy in death. Even near death. We have to let ourselves laugh at it. We stay silly right? You can't greet death as an old friend if you're scared of him. But you can't chase after him either. He's coy. He's shy. He'll come when he's ready. And I'm not ready now either.

I don't think I'm as scared anymore though. I wouldn't say You're My Best Friend, Death. But you're certainly no stranger. You're not someone I would turn away, and I would share a drink with you. I would be tender, I think. You have it rough too.

I think this year of all things I'm falling in love again. I fell out of love with life, a while back. It was rough and it was scary and I didn't feel like myself. And I still don't, but we all know time pulls us forward, yadda yadda, you can't step into the same river twice, you are a construct and all constructs are ever changing, time stole my front porch; can't have shit in ship of theseus. I Want To Know Your Plans, time, but the future is that quote from Nightvale, always flinching first, leaving me only a present.

So I'm different now. In the present. In some ways worse. in some better. I think I'm gentler, at least I hope so. I want to be kinder. I want to treat people with care. And I want to share an idea to cap off this year, because I want to have curated my own experience, and maybe I can help you fall in love with life again too. Next year is going up, because I am on the Up and Up.

I can't get past the idea of choice. What makes the gardener pick flowers or weeds? The tastes of the gardener. What they cultivate, what they choose. They curate their garden and all of living is just. This same action again and again, on larger or smaller scales. When I was little I tried to get into Rollerblades. I thought they were super cool, I thought I'd be a cool kid in rollerblades. But I was drawn to biking. I still bike now. You can stand, if you dare, with the wind blowing through you, wheels turning all on their own, you king of the world on your personal palantir. You can pump your legs and get your heart singing and I can't imagine my life if I'd picked rollerblades. You know?

I started chasing an idea halfway through this, but to loop back to what I wanted to explain is- I want to curate my experience of this year. I want to be able to point to this year down the line and show just why it mattered- not for the time everyone will think, but the time that happened after. I looked at my life and said, I can Make It Better. I can rebuild it, different this time. I can be me, but a little further down the river. A few more boards replaced.

Can I do it? Can I Be Him? The me I want to be, the one who took this year and kindled something bright? I miss my surety. I miss my certainty. Everything feels like a big muddy middle right now, and I don't think I can ever reach as high or as low as I once did. But I think I can be steadily climbing up. Boot up bitch, the stairs are slippery but it turns out you have nothing but time.

My mom wants me to move home. She's scared, for me, out here "alone". She doesn't think my friends took good care of me, given what happened in March. I can't blame her. I wasn't taken good care of. I wouldn't let people, I hid it all. I was ashamed. I was embarassed. It's Hard To Live In The City, but not for the reasons my mom thinks- there's so much going on here. There's so much information and so many things to know and see and do, you can hide in plain sight. You can craft a narrative. You can shape the experience so that what you are, what you need, who you have become is hidden.

I know now that I need to be seen, to be known. I need other people to get who I am. But I'm not Fred Astaire- I can't be someone to everyone, even just a name. I have to curate (sick of me yet?) my own experience. My own image. I have to choose who my audience is now. It's tougher to decide who is worth your attention (And it is attention- that's all an audience is). It feels like gardening. Who's a flower and who's a weed. I don't like it. But you have to, to live. And I'm tired of not living.

And so I walk forward from my own Easter rebirth. Shaky legged, on stilts like Bambi, just becoming a new man. I hate it but you make yourself every day, don't you? Why would now be any different. I'm just more aware of it. It'll fade, with time. Like the scar it is. But I don't want to forget this feeling. I want to remember it. To have a story to tell that circles around it, gives it edges and definition. And so I wrote this.

It's part playlist. It's part poetry. It's prose, but it's prosaically just a list of songs as well. I sat down to write and my hands started moving, and I got here, with you. Are you still with me? I'm glad. I'm glad I'm still here, and I'm glad you're here with me. I'm even glad I'm still awake,writing this instead of sleeping. What's The Time Where You Are? Here it's late-about 1AM. And I have to finish this, I'm almost done. I wanted to leave you somewhere better than we started. This story is going up, remember?

I've picked a better audience, actually. That's a good first step. They're not the King Of My Heart, but they might be as close as it gets. I feel sweet. I feel simple. I feel at ease. But more importantly I feel like I can do. I can accomplish. I can rest. I can recover. I can just. Be.

Maybe this music isn't to your liking. But that's ok, I Don't Mind. I didn't make it for you to fall in love with. I made it to make you fall in love with the idea. I want you to curate your own life. You have to. Or you're not living. I want you to love the life that you've made. I don't love mine yet. But I want to, and I'm going to. And that's that on that.

I guess the elephant in the room is, why Flesh and Marble? Why not Clay, like old man Ozymandius? It ties better to the throwing pots above. Of getting muddy biking, of being down in the dirt before rising three days later. Even now I'm thinking that Feet of Clay is a much better title. But I like Flesh and Marble. The first song I put on here was a similar title structure. But I didn't want to give the concept air time, actually- too close to March for my liking, although the song was great. It just wasn't the vibe. But the name was close. And the artist. Armani Caesar. What a name! So I guess. The title is an oblique reference. A circumnavigation of the problem. A polite, detached nod to the impetus whilst giving it no credit.

But yeah. I hope you've listened, as you've gone. The songs matter a great deal to me this year, and they almost always do. I'm sappy and I stick to a song once I love it. I'll love it for 10 years. 20 years. 100 years. I attach so fast, and sometimes forever, if indelibly.

Curate your life. Build something of value. And by god find beauty or you'll die.

Peace.

#Yearly Curation #Deeply Personal Bullshit in here #also some writing. Most of it bad but I feel better having done it. #Curation 2024

[phoenixrising0308]

The day I watched you marry someone else.

Books: The Royal Romance Book 3

Rating: M (Mature content and implied sexual activities)

Pairing: Liam & Jessica (MC)

The Arrangement -  This is the story of how Liam Rys and Jessica Garcia enter a Cordonian arrangement. This is a 4 chapter story arc and fits into a story in between called the Promise, which is in the Agent Phoenix A/U. 

Detailed disclaimer

Triggers: none identified by the author

Chapter Summary: Jessica's POV of the wedding

A/N: This is reposting an original chapter released in 2019/2020 under a previous blog name with new added content sprinkled in.  Im sorry it took so long to get back into the writing space life has been heavy.

Song Inspiration: The Arrangement Playlist

Word Count: 2,500 *As always, forgive my typos and grammatical errors*

New York, One week prior...

Liam walked Jessica back to her hotel room and wiped away her tears.

“He just slipped away; we just missed him.” Jessica cried out on Liam’s shoulder.

“We will find him; this isn’t over for us. It will never be over for us.”

“I don’t know what I want to do, Liam. I can’t walk away from you.”

The tears he held back, trying to be strong, started streaming down his face. They rested their heads against each other. 

“I am expected at the wedding. I don’t know if I can sit there and watch you marry someone else. Maxwell and Bertrand did so much for me and I can’t have them look even worse by not showing my face. I need to think. But I’m not getting on that plane with the rest of the court. I don’t know what happens after that, I don’t know if I can enter into a Cordonian arrangement.”

I don’t know what to say. But if you come back and want to stay, we can solve this together.  Will you wait for me?

—

Ramsford - Jessica’s room

Liam’s Wedding day

 Everyone was in a frenzy trying to get ready. Jessica sat in a daze as the letter she read, hand-delivered to her by a footman in familiar cursive writing. When she finished she let it fall to the floor.

Lady Jessica, you should know that I have invoked on behalf of the Crown prince ‘Sex primis noctibus’ or the first six nights. As Cordonian tradition dictates, the King is to be in close quarters with the Queen with no outside interruptions to get familiar with each other and bed each other for six consecutive nights in hopes that they can produce an heir. In fact, the wedding date is chosen based on the future Queen's fertile window. Liam might love you but he loves his country more. I encourage you to move on and have your sponsor find you a respectable match and marry or return to the states before you waste any more time chasing a dream that simply can not be. There has never been a divorce or annulment in the history of the Rys line of succession, and we have held the throne for a century.

-Constantine Rys 

It would be the first royal wedding in Cordonia since Constantine married Regina. But this was a larger affair. It would be a first marriage, and that hasn’t happened in decades. The last time it did was Constantine’s marriage to Leo’s mother.

Maxwell picked up the letter and briefly read it; he crumpled it up in disgust and threw it in the trash before returning to her side and lovingly combing her hair. “I’m so sorry, blossom. I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”

Jessica held Maxwell’s hand stopping him and putting the brush down. “Me too.” He took her in his arms and they cried. 

Bertrand walked into the room with a large box and said, “Maxwell, I would like to have a word with Lady Jessica.”

Bertrand took Maxwell’s place in front of Jessica and said, “This will be a very difficult day. I thank you for doing this for us. You could have easily stayed in New York, but you came. Should you want to make a life for yourself, allow me to offer you my assistance. You are to stay here as long as you want. You are our sister, this home is yours as well to make use of. But it is my duty to inform you that a suitor has approached me and asked if you would consider a proposal.”

Jessica blinked her tears away in surprise at that before speaking again. “Thank you, Bertrand. But I don’t think I’m ready for anything. I know that it is your custom to arrange a match for a lady of your house, but would it be out of the ordinary if I don’t want to be married?”

“Jessica, it is your choice. I just don’t know how to mend a broken heart. I just thought since you came here to be wed that perhaps that could help.”

Jessica gave Bertrand a half-smile. “I came here for Liam.”

“Jessica, as you know, we have no lady of the house, and surely when I marry Savannah, I would like to commission something for her, but what I am giving you is a gift. You helped me find her, and connect with her and our son, and I could never thank you enough, but I hope this is a start.”

Bertrand placed the box on Jessica’s lap. “It would mean the world to me and Maxwell if you wore this and perhaps you can channel the strength of its owner.”

Jessica opened up the box and gasped, “Bertrand, do you mean it? I can surely wear it and give it back.”

“Maxwell and I insist. This is yours to have. We can offer you our name and our protection and we have given you our mother's ring but one thing remains that should be yours. As you know, a hat is customary at court functions when not at a gala. I was not always kind to you, yet you stood by us. Your loyalty was unwavering even after I doubted your ability to be a suitor. Please accept this as a gift as a sign of our gratitude and a welcoming gift to joining our house.”

Jessica pulled out the light blue fascinator hat with a birdcage veil; made of sinamay material that glimmered in the sun-like diamond dust. 

"Maxwell tells me you favor hats, and well, this was my mother's pride and joy. It serves no purpose locked away in a closet when it should go to an owner that wears it when called upon."

Jessica was awestruck as she softly asked, “This belonged to Duchess Annabelle?”

“Yes, it belonged to our mother. The world will be looking at you today, the press will look for you to crumble. They think you are alone, that you have lost, but in this, you have gained family and friends. We are better people because you walked into our lives. Jessica, you surprised me time and time again. Liam told me you were his choice. Had it not been for his father’s interference and the loyalist on the royal council, this would be your day.”

Jessica placed the fascinator on her head and said, “It certainly is beautiful. I will wear it with pride. Thank you.”

Bertrand’s lips trembled as he fought back his tears and said, “You honor this house regardless of title or status. Lady Jessica Garcia Beaumont”

Jessica looked at herself in the mirror as she placed the fascinator on her head and sighed deeply, trying not to cry again.

Bertrand gave her a soft smile and said, “Tungsten… impact strength determines how much energy a metal can absorb. Tungsten can hold the highest temperature even in a forge; its melting point is the highest of any element; it will not shatter or be broken. That's why all the items in our armory are made of it. This house is your shield. When you look at yourself, remind yourself of your resilience and strength. That will get you through this painful ordeal.”

—

Royal Cordonian Abbey

Jessica stepped into the Abbey dressed in the house colors of the Beaumonts. She wore an off-the-shoulder knee-length dress that coordinated perfectly with the late Duchess Annabelle’s hat. She held her head high as people snickered at her, but she walked with grace and class paying no mind to the hurtful remarks people whispered as she passed by. Reporters attempted to get her to comment and she declined to give a statement. She took her place in the pew next to Hana. 

Hana said, “My mother wanted me to sit next to the other ladies of the court, but my friend needs me more.” Hana took Jessica’s hand and squeezed it.

Olivia entered and was directed to a pew. “I will choose my own seat. I wish to sit next to Lady Hana and Lady Jessica, should the Queen take issue with it then so be it.” Olivia took her seat next to Jessica.

Jessica said, “Thank you, Olivia.”  

Olivia quirked a brow and said, “Why are you thanking me?”

Jessica lowered her gaze. “People hate me and you have enough problems. You could have sat anywhere and yet you sat next to me.” 

Olivia smirked. “I hate the word friend you know, but there is something that can be said about sitting next to someone with the courage you have shown throughout this. You have my respect.” 

Jessica smiled, “And you have mine.”

Olivia said, “Please know Liam opted for the Abbey as he said the Cathedral before God is reserved for his marriage to you. He won’t give up until that crown is on your head.” 

Jessica whispered, “I just want to marry him. Sure, being a Queen would be amazing, but being his wife... That’s all I’m concerned about. I would marry him anywhere and not care how fancy it is.”

20 minutes later…

Madeleine’s assistant walked over to the pew and said, “Lady Jessica, the future Queen has summoned you.”

“Do you know why?” Jessica frowned as she asked.

“I’m sorry, she wouldn’t disclose, but she told me if you refused to remind you that it is a direct order.”

Jessica sighed. She stood up and smoothed her dress. “Excuse me, Hana and Olivia.” Olivia stood up so Jessica could exit with a skeptical glare on her face at the summons.

Abbey vestibule

Jessica entered and saw Madeleine admiring herself in the mirror. A few ladies of the court including Kiara and Penelope fussed over Madeleine’s dress.

Madeleine waved her hand and dismissed them. Then, she turned her attention to Jessica and coldly said, “Exactly who I wanted to see. Liam refused the use of the cathedral, and I won’t even have a reception. I will just have a small dinner... How embarrassing. For a Queen not to have all the fanfare owed to her. I have been robbed of an opportunity to be admired on my wedding day. Not to mention this lackluster necklace. It seems I was an afterthought. I should be a priority but I'm not since your insignificant little feelings matter to him.”

Jessica rolled her eyes, “Geezus Madeleine, you sound so pretentious and entitled. Let’s not forget this is a forced marriage so Liam could ascend the throne.”

“Liam isn’t playing the part, and so I must remind him that I can still get to him. Despite him not giving me control of things, there are things that I can control, and he is powerless to stop me from doing so.”

Jessica lost her temper and finally snapped at the woman who ruined everything. “Madeleine, what do you fucken’ want!?”

Madeleine smirked, “I think you want to stay here, Jessica. Your visa can be revoked for crimes against the crown, and that means not following orders. There is a lifetime ban, and there is no appeal process. Liam cannot do anything for the next six days to help you thanks to our um... the bridal bed, which surely he will enjoy. So, for the next six days, if you so much as jaywalk, I will ensure you are in a position to be deported.”

Jessica frowned deeply at the mention of their honeymoon. “Fine. I will stay locked up at Ramsford. Happy?”

Madeleine hummed as she fussed with herself in the mirror. “Some people favor you, and if they favor you, that means they don’t favor me. I want people to love me, to know that I was the best choice for this Kingdom, and not sympathize with you. I want the security of being a Queen, and you are endangering that. You have Liam’s protection, but that won’t stop me from driving you out of the country.”

“Madeleine, why do you insist on making his life difficult?”

Madeleine turned to her with a smirk and said, “By my order, a senior member of the court, you are directed to carry my train to the Abbey. You will stand there and watch me and Liam marry. You will be allowed back to your pew when the coronation ceremony begins.”

The clicking sound of heels entered the Abbey vestibule from the end of the hall. Olivia’s voice echoed.  

Olivia growled out with  murder in her eyes. “God Madeleine, how low can you stoop? In the end, you are nothing. This day will be forgotten. I don’t know what you have done to get all this favor. First, it was Leo, now it’s Liam. Who are you in bed with truly?”

“Petty words from petty people. I have it, and I will use it.” Madeleine waved her hand in the air and said, “Love? Is that his little pet name for you? Well, LOVE, pick up my train.” Madeleine commanded with sadistic glee.

Jessica stood in defeat. Olivia stepped forward. “I outrank your little entourage.” Olivia walked over and picked up the train and said, “Surely a Duchess carrying the train of a future Queen is an honor. Especially the Duchess of an established house. Liam created a duchy for you reserving Valtoria for Jessica. That must sting. You seem to just want to wound her, to take for yourself, the things he is holding for her when he can rid himself of you." She huffed and continued. "How sad. How sad to be a Queen and have nothing. If you insist on this pathetic game with Jessica, just know she is not alone and never will be. The house of Nevrakis and the house Beaumont are loyal to each other. Jessica is under Beaumont's protection, and she is also under mine as well. My protection is worth an army.”

Madeleine sneered slightly at Olivia. “Fine. Have it your way, but she is still ordered and must comply.”

Jessica sighed and took the other end of the train. Forcing the lump in her throat to die down and to get it over with. 

15 minutes later…

The entrance song to the wedding began. Liam stood at the altar, never turning to look at  Madeleine. He just wanted the ordeal over so he can lock himself in the palace for the next six days as tradition dictated. Leo reminded him, although tradition stated he must be in closed quarters, it did not state he needed to cohabitate in the same room; just in the same wing. In fact, other than that tradition, he was under no obligation to live at the palace at all. Liam would remain in his room in the wing alone while Madeleine would remain in her room. That was his final verdict. 

Olivia and Jessica trailed behind Madeleine into the Abbey holding her train. The tears welled in Jessica’s eyes. She laid Madeleine’s train down and stood next to Olivia with their heads held high, even though she couldn't look Liam in the eyes without sobbing. 

Madeleine smiled coldly and said, “I received your message. I hope you received mine. If you listen closely, you could hear her poor heart shatter into little pieces.” Madeleine turned to Jessica and handed her her bridal bouquet, and hissed out low enough for only them to hear, “Hold this, LOVE. You will never get an opportunity to hold a bridal bouquet otherwise.” 

Liam made eye contact with Jessica as she stood by Olivia. She looked down at the flowers and averted eye contact, trying not to cry in front of the entire court, knowing that this was Madeleine’s intent all along. Liam, on the other hand, became emotional at the sight of what Madeleine forced her to do in public, humiliating her, and he was completely powerless to comfort her. 

Constantine presided over the ceremony and said, “I welcome you all here today as I am fortunate to marry my son to his Queen. It brings me great joy to unify them not only by law, but by love. Looking at Liam so emotionally over this day tells me he is completely in love.” Constantine smirked as he looked at Jessica. Then he returned his attention to the crowd. 

Constantine said, “Liam, Crown Prince of Cordonia, repeat after me:

 I, Liam Nathaniel Rys, Crown Prince of Cordonia, take you, Madeleine Elizabeth Amaranth of Fydelia, as my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and bad times, through sickness and health. I vow to love you, honor you, and be faithful to you for all the remaining days of my life.”

Liam looked at Jessica as both of their hearts broke for each other. Tears in their eyes, and hope dwindling.

#liam x jessica #choices fanfic #choices fanfiction #playchoices fanfic #agent phoenix #king liam #mc x liam #liam x mc #liam rys

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (10-16 Dec 2023)

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

🥰 Second Chances in New Port Stephen (TJ Alexander, author; Aden Hakimi & Feodor Chin, narrator) - 2nd chance romance between 2 former HS sweethearts after Eli comes back home to his small FL home town (post-transition & unemployed due to proximity to an industry scandal) and reconnects with Nick (who left for college, came back, got married & divorced and became a (hot) dad). Also there is a fat ginger cat named Sweet Potato. I kind of love what a mess Eli is. Nick is also a bit of a mess but masking it better. I loved them both.

💖💖 +120K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

The First Rule of Book Club series (Deisderium) - MCU: stucky, 28K - reread for stucky bookclub; a forever fave where recovering Bucky joins a book club - just a warm hug of a series, with a fantastic OC (unfortunately does have period-typical reading of HP but I was able to just focus on everything else)

tattoo your last bruise (ftmsteverogers) - MCU: stucky, 9K - great post-WS recover fic

Blood, Sweat, Ambrosia (AidaRonan) - Stranger Things: steddie, 4K - amazing gift of a monsterfucking fic. aida has truly blessed us this holiday season

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Doctor Who: The Giggle (2023 special #3)

D20: Fantasy High: Sophomore Year - e8-15

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

The Sporkful - How Do Michelin Stars Actually Work?

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Diddy, Hip-Hop, and #MeToo

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Ol Pejeta Rhino Cemetery

Our Opinions Are Correct - What Makes Us Quit Reading a Book in the Middle?

Today, Explained - A concrete solution to climate change

Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Julia Gets Wise with Darlene Love

NPR's Book of the Day - Jordan Peele curates a new Black horror story collection 'Out There Screaming'

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Knoxville Weather Kiosk

Pop Culture Happy Hour - 2023 Pop Culture Favorites [love that D20's Dungeons & Drag Queens made this list!]

Switched on Pop - Nicki Minaj's Roman Empire

The Allusionist - 186. Ravels

It's Been a Minute - Music trends that took us by surprise in 2023

Shedunnit - The Murderless Christmas Mystery

Vibe Check - It’s Like an Inspirational Relay Race

⭐ 99% Invisible #563 - Empire of the Sum

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - New Bedford Whaling Museum

⭐ Off Menu - Ep 216: Dawn French (Christmas Special)

Twenty Thousand Hertz+ - Tournament of Champions

Ologies with Alie Ward - Quasithanatology (NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES) with Bruce Greyson

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Gourdlandia

One Year - 1990: Art on Trial

Sara & Cariad's Weirdos Book Club - Persuasion by Jane Austen with Andrew Hunter Murray

Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Sneaky Snowmen, Horny Dogs, and The PC vs The People’s Champion

Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Julia Gets Wise with Rhea Perlman

Up First - Gaza Post-War Plans, Ohio Prosecutor Misconduct, Comer Shell Company

What Next: TBD - Shein’s Newest Offering? An IPO

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Wonka And What's Making Us Happy

Dear Prudence - I Rejected A Friend’s Sexual Advance—Now He’s Being Weird. Help!

Endless Thread - This song wants you to stick out your what!?

⭐ Welcome to Night Vale #240 - He Is Holding a Knife

Today, Explained - Why millennials dread motherhood

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

Classic Rock Instrumentals

Presenting Stevie Ray Vaughan

Presenting Santana

Dropkick Murphys Radio • Familiar

New Blue Sun [André 3000] {2023}

Throwback Workout

my christmas playlist

#sunday reading recap #bookgeekgrrl's reading habits #bookgeekgrrl's soundtracks #fanfic ftw #second chances in new port stephen #tj alexander #d20 #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high: sophmore year #my christmas playlist is over 600 songs‚ basically every holiday song i like #i just put it on shuffle and let it go #stevie ray vaughan #carlos santana #andré 3000 #welcome to night vale #99% invisible podcast #off menu podcast #npr's pop culture happy hour podcast #the sporkful podcast #20k hz podcast #one year podcast #switched on pop podcast #shedunnit podcast #the atlas obscura podcast #vibe check podcast #what next: tbd podcast #ologies podcast #endless thread podcast #it's been a minute podcast

[mywifeleftme]

206: Harry Nilsson // Pussy Cats

Pussy Cats Harry Nilsson 1974, RCA

Someday I’ll find my way through the rest of Harry Nilsson’s scattershot catalogue, but for the moment I’m more than fine with Pussy Cats as my go-to. The 1974 LP’s drug-addled, vocal-cord-tearing reputation has thoroughly overshadowed Pussy Cats’ actual content, and it’s an interesting enough annal in the uh annals of rock ‘n’ roll misbehaviour. But if you’re not wedded to a 50-year grudge that an album-length collaboration between wunderkinds and mutual superfans Nilsson and John Lennon didn’t change the course of rock music, I’d argue it’s a great listen. Lennon was fresh from working with Phil Spector, and the album represents one of his attempts at building his own Wall of Sound: aside from a few Harry solo tunes, each track’s production employs a squadron of percussionists, horn players, pianists, and guitar players. You might expect that this elaborate studio personnel management would make for an ironic juxtaposition with the bleary, wasted vibe seeping from the wastrels at the bottom of it all, but I don’t hear it—for the most part, Pussy Cats reads as genuinely sweet, if occasionally sarcastic.

Since they represent half the track list, we might as well start with the covers. They are a fairly diverse bunch, though none of them qualifies as a deep cut. “Many Rivers to Cross” effectively transfers Jimmy Cliff’s gospel-inspired classic to the heavingly orchestrated Save the Children commercial-core balladry Lennon had dabbled in throughout his early solo career; Nilsson, always a preternaturally gifted mimic, debuts the raggedly Lennon-esque holler he uses throughout the LP. “Many Rivers” smoothly transitions into Dylan’s “Subterranean Homesick Blues,” a song I generally don’t need to hear any more renditions of—but this one works, thanks to a thumping, three-drummer arrangement by Lennon. (Another reviewer speculated it may’ve influenced Elvis Costello’s “Pump it Up,” a comparison I wouldn’t have come up with myself but find astute—especially given Costello’s professed love of an elegant lift.) Elsewhere, we get in-the-red takes on “Loop de Loop” (made famous by Johnny Thunder) and “Rock Around the Clock” (care of Bill Haley) that, while not much on their own, keep the record’s kooky energy up, plus a swaying version of “Save the Last Dance” (The Drifters) that forms a nice aesthetic bridge between the covers and the mostly lower-key originals.

My friend Jack recently got married and spent an inordinate amount of time crafting his ideal wedding playlist; I do the same thing, but for my funeral, and these days I usually open with “Don’t Forget Me.” A testimony to the magic Nilsson could still make when left to his own devices on a piano, it makes a quintessential goodbye to a loved one whose warts are visible from orbit. (Though a closer listen reveals Nilsson’s parting is due to divorce rather than death.) The refrain is heartrending in its simplicity, but it’s also a funny little character sketch, as the speaker, seemingly against his own will, keeps trying to convince his ex not to fuck anyone else, at least until he’s finished yearning.

The peculiar “Black Sails” is a pirate love ballad that moves between moments of horndog poetry (“A treasure map / Is hidden on your legs / Your veins are very close / Someday I’ll wrap my big yardarms / Around your legs and sail away”) and idiotic puns (“You’re so vein-y / You probably think this map belongs to you”). Apparently a rejected number written for a Peter Sellers/Spike Milligan movie, Nilsson delivers it (entrancingly) as a cabaret monologue over plutonian strings. He takes on another persona on “Old Forgotten Soldier,” a piano blues that wouldn’t be out of place on Yankee Hotel Foxtrot—turns out ruining his voice made him a dead ringer for Jeff Tweedy, and the layering on of recorded bird calls (and what sure sounds like a snippet of a Hitler speech) feel like Wilco-esque postmodern accoutrements. “All My Life” is the only song that directly addresses the Lennon/Nilsson duo’s present state of iniquity, but it feels poised at just the moment when you recognize a problem exists but don’t quite feel like doing anything about (“I’m so sore from laughing / I haven’t got the will to fight”). Wrapping up this (accidentally) track-by-track review is the album’s one shared writing credit, a medley of Lennon’s “Mucho Mungo” with Nilsson’s “Mt. Elga.” It’s a neat bit of business that the incorporation of Nilsson’s track as a bridge effectively gives Lennon’s louche, island-flavoured shuffle the hook it’d been missing all along.

Like fellow talented smartasses Loudon Wainwright and Todd Rundgren, my mileage has always varied with Nilsson, but Pussy Cats has just the right balance of his particular set of shticks to always be welcome on my turntable. If you’ve also had trouble digging him, this might be the spot to try your spade.

206/365

#harry nilsson #nilsson #john lennon #drugs #keith moon #ringo starr #substance use #'70s music #classic rock #singer-songwriter #music review #vinyl record

[transboysokka]

Your Divorced Zukka playlist is so inspired! I can absolutely see the story it builds. What are some of your favorite lyrics that drive the narrative?

Thanks so much! This is probably way more than you asked for but I'm just going to go through all the songs right now hehe

So they get together after the war and they fall fast and hard and it's so good but also they're super codependent. Maybe it is a little toxic, because they're young and stupid and busy

Had another talk about where it's going wrong But we're still young We don't know where we're going But we know where we belong

When I run out of road You bring me home

All you can say All you can feel Was wrapped up inside that one perfect kiss

And it just doesn't work. They end up hurting each other a lot. It falls apart and they agree to end this thing to save each other from more pain

I'm not the only one who's hurting here I don't know what the hell is left to do

But I could never rescue you No matter how I tried All I could do was love you hard And let you go No matter how I tried All I could do was love you

There's the initial pain and heartbreak and anger of a fresh breakup

Trust that you betrayed, confusion that still lingers You took everything I loved and crushed it in between your fingers

My undying love, now I hold it like a grudge And I hear your voice every time that I think I'm not enough

And I know in my heart, hurt people, hurt people And we both drew blood, but, man, those cuts were never equal

Coming around to forgiveness and acceptance and reminiscing... And maybe hope that things might even work out in the future?

The last time I felt your weight on my chest, you said "We didn't get it right, but love, we did our best" And we will again

Shadows of us are still dancin' In every room, in every hall

And that slowly turns into this decades-long era of pining longing and being like "I still love you and think about you and hope you think about me but I could never be selfish enough to try to get back with you because it's better for you this way" but also I mean yeah those feelings are still so mixed.

They see each other every now and then in a professional capacity and it hurts so much and it feels so weird but they just gotta Be Cool

Yeah, you think you got away But I'm in the trees, I'm in the breeze My footsteps on the ground You see my face in every place

I saw you at a party, said hello like an old colleague

I still got it bad 'Cause you've got what you had And I still want it

Do you think I'd give up? That this might've shook the love from me

Now that it's done There's not one thing that I would change My life was a storm since I was born How can I fear any hurricane?

(and I swear to god every single lyric in Francesca is equally as amazing)

Maybe they hook up a couple of times but that doesn't change anything, they still know being together would be a terrible idea

And I know we're done, and I know we're through But God when I look at you My brain goes, "Ah"

Yes, I know that he's my ex, but can't two people reconnect? "I only see him as a friend," the biggest lie I ever said

That was NOT a good idea, and the longing and pining builds... And OH SHIT maybe they both feel the same way about each other? And maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all to be together? They've been so miserable for so long... Maybe they're starting to think about things they wish they could say to each other... BUT WILL THEY??

You know the distance never made a difference to me...

Do you know, I could break beneath the weight Of the goodness, love, I still carry for you

It ain't the being alone It ain't the empty home, baby You know I'm good on my own You know, it's more the being unknown And there are some people, love, who are better unknown

Do I wanna know? If this feeling goes both ways?

FINALLY they confess and it's like the floodgates are open and yes they are old and they've missed so much time together but they never stopped loving each other and now they're READY to love each other and wow suddenly they feel like teenagers again...

But after this I'm never gonna be the same And I am never going back again

Like I lived my whole life Before the first light

Darling I Would Do It Again : A Divorced Zukka Experience

#quesTian #divorced zukka #text #are there other BETTER songs out there to make a more complete narrative? IM SURE #WILL i make more divorced zukka playlists in the future?? IM SURE

[wutheringmights]

YOU WERE INSPIRED BY NO CHILDREN??? THATS ACTUALLY MAKING ME GO KINDA INSANE like, you are coming down with me, hand in unloveable hand?? that’s literally such a ctb song i don’t know how i’ve never thought of it. it is for sure going on my playlist now lol

The short version of the story is that when I was plotting CTB, I was convinced that no one was going to want to read about a horribly toxic relationship. So I was trying to find a compromise where I could get the plot I wanted while making things a bit more palatable.

Then I listened to No Children again, and I was like "okay if a spiteful song about a toxic divorce can be the darling of this hellsite, I can probably get away with my original vision."

No Children also an enabler of my love for hand-based imagery. Spoiler, but the title for next chapter's past section is supposed to be "The Unlovable Hands."

#pending that i don't come up with something better but that's what it is in my notes #i have a post in my music tag where i mention no children as a key ctb song i'll reblog it after this #and re: me having to compromise on some of my ideas #i did scale back on plenty of things to keep it from being grimdark (cause fuck grimdark) #but i think I'm managing to achieve my original vision of just. the most toxic relationship i could manage #now please please PLEASE don't fulfill my worst nightmares and start accusing me of being an abuse apologist or something #that was the fear that made me look into scaling back my stuff to begin with #but you guys have reading comprehension and i'm trying to be careful so i think we're good #me rambling #lu ctb #ask #anonymous #linked universe

[andsotheuniverseended]

ok you know i love my grumpy girls but snow's class combo sounds FASCINATING so i have to know more :D :D 8 - 10, 12, 20, 28, 60 and 69!

Snow is one of the wildest characters I've ever made, she's mechanically a winter eladrin but is flavor-wise human but Extra. and also she is literally Snow White but based very specifically off that Kristen Stewart movie ANYWAY

8) what songs remind you of them? if there are specific lyrics or movements, list ‘em!

i Love making playlists for my characters so i have been very slowly working on hers but there's only a couple right now. Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles for the upbeat vibes because she is generally a cheerful girl

and Still by Noah Kahan for the fact that her life has basically been miserable for a hella long time (the past coming back with the light in the morning/look down on myself like a patient in surgery/and i used to watch my mother move/like god was in the room)

9) when in their life were they most scared?

okay SO about a hundred years ago, Snow's brand new step-mom killed their dad and took over the kingdom and killed and imprisoned everyone in it, and threw Snow into a cell, and there was a part of that where she was running and nearly at the gate and then got snatched up and dragged back into the castle and i think that was probably the most acutely terrified she's ever been

10) what inspired this character's creation?

lmao okay SO my friend and i watched that 2011 red riding hood movie with amanda seyfried and he went "i could make a dnd character outta this" and then like changed up the lore a ton and made Red, who's family is Super Cursed. and then we watched the snow white and the huntsman movie with kristen stewart bc for some reason in my head i've literally always confused those two for like being in the same universe? or something?

anyways we watched it and i went "hey, i could make a dnd character outta this!" and actually Snow's backstory is fairly accurate to the movie with the minor changes of she is technically an elf now so she was imprisoned for a hundred years, and also her blood can break curses (but it might kill her)

and then we looked at each other and went "these two would be fun in a campaign together"

12) how have they altered their body? piercings, tattoos, biohacks, or other modifications—anything. why (or why not) did they (or someone else) make those changes?

Snow hasn't had the opportunity to do anything to her body and also has a very... warped sense of her physical self? because she is magically/divinely mandated as Fairest Of Them All (and her beauty is literally magical hence the sorcerer levels) so she's just always been treated that way, as the Prettiest Thing Ever and that has really divorced her sense of self from her body. so i don't think she's even really thought about the fact that she could technically do any of those things? it hasn't crossed her mind, really. i DO think further down the line when she gets a little more grounded in her body she would definitely do something though. piercings for sure, maybe tattoos??

20) what attracts them to someone—platonically and/or romantically, anything counts.

Snow had a childhood love (dead now RIP) and she loved him because of his sense of adventure and his honor and his dedication to things, and his laugh

a hundred years later she met his granddaughter (in her 40s with a kid i think) and liked her because of her love for her kid and her practicality, and her sense of justice and responsibility to take care of others

generally Snow likes people who are devoted to important things, who have a strong will, who care deeply, and who fight- not just for the world but also for themselves.

28) do they collect anything?

Snow is not quite conscious of it yet but i as her player have made the decision that she's gonna collect items from each adventure we go on (so far it's a spider fang and an eternally frozen leaf). its one of those things where again she never had the chance to but once she realizes she CAN she'll definitely want to.

60) what do they have faith in? what keeps them believing?

i don't know how to word what i wanna say here but like the one thing that has kept Snow going for all this time is that she very much does Not Want To Die. she wants to live. so i think her faith is in herself and also the future, the idea that there are things to live for once she finds them. there's also her faith in her kingdom and her people, both of which she needs to rescue from the evil queen. so its her own stubbornness that keeps her believing that there IS a way to do it without sacrificing herself

69) what's one secret they don't want getting out?

Snow is on the run so most things about herself she keeps close to the chest so that the queen won't hear about her and come running

but the number one actual thing that she will need to be pushed into THE most desperate of corners to admit is that her blood can break curses. because its incredibly powerful but also incredibly dangerous and could kill her depending on the curse, and its not something she's willing to risk so people knowing about it would just be dangerous

#Snow #dnd #Universe Answers #floralprintshark #she is two levels divine soul sorcerer bc she was born Weird and Magically Beautiful #and one level celestial warlock bc the evil queen is also Magically Beautiful and they kind of like. #accidentally??? linked up with each other's magic. and Snow is not aware of this fact #like she does not know that she has a warlock level/that it comes from the queen #sorry wow i talked SO much i just. love her a lot she's literally insane #i do truly want her to go through a whole Appearance Journey. maybe even a lil bit of a gender one #who knows who knows

[rai-knightshade-art]

Click for higher resolution! (Tumblr WHY do you always DO THIS TO ME!)

Dual Character Page #1! I've been trying to cement how i think the YJK characters look in my personal headcanon (i.e. relatively divorced from the standard portrayals 😅 they're not the same as in canon so they should look different from canon), so I'm trying to create these pages featuring pairs of characters. First up: Jaina and Zekk! Who are also super special cause they get a Spotify Playlist featuring the songs I've mentioned on this page (among many others). Check it out if you'd like, it's got ship songs as well as individual songs, and is organized into sets of "vibes" but also works on shuffle!

Explanations on scenes and looks below the cut along with close ups, image id in alt text!

The Full-Body Designs:

Zekk and Jaina's finalized adult designs are pretty simple, all things considered: they're flight suits! Because these two are pilots first and Jedi second tbh (Jaina moreso than Zekk but it applies to both). I spiced them up a bit tho by giving them each some kind of overlayer reminiscent of more standard Jedi robes to denote their status. Is it practical? Ehhhh debatable, but it looks cool! Zekk wears a crossbody tunic-esque robe with traditional Ennth embroidery along the hems; meanwhile, Jaina meanwhile got a double-breasted overlayer that i saw on actual Jedi robes from the Old Republic (i wanna say they're vaguely inspired by Anakin's?? But not just Anakin, and possibly by some High Republic stuff). For the record it comes down in the back as well but as a single piece, stoll style. As for other design notes, idk physically they look about the way they do in most depictions; i alternate between giving Zekk a widow's peak and giving him a little dangly hair bit, at some point I'll probably just give him both--the long hair in a ponytail is non-negotiable tho. I like to think adult Jaina keeps her hair in a messy bun rather than all loose and flowing like she always seems to have in canon, because, like, how are you gonna get all that into a flight helmet??? You're not, that's what, so messy bun it is. She'll still leave it loose or in her signature ponytail sometimes tho.

Also, yes, i tried to keep them as close as i could to their actual height difference while still making them look physically the same age. It is Taxing who the fuck let this happen.

The Scenes:

Top (the Timeline)-just a little look into some scenes from their friendship over the years, with a kind of emphasis on how it seems like, with some exceptions, Zekk seems to kinda follow Jaina's lead most of the time up until he joins the Shadow Academy and learns some agency (albeit in the worst way possible); this timeline is supposed to kind of reflect that lead-follow relationship, until the Shadow Academy part, when Jaina actually stops for once and waits for Zekk. The final part is supposed to be her having come back to/for him after time apart, ending the cycle. Also includes lyrics from Sarah Smiles and Red, because... Idk the songs just kinda fit, you know?

Left (the Jam Session)- hey what if the Falcon had a speaker system modern car-style and Jaina and Zekk jammed out in it while flying through hyperspace, how cool would that be huh? Inspired by several jams on their playlist, mostly 80's ones because Zekk has 80's Pop-Rock vibes to me.

Bottom Left (History Rhymes)-Not me continuing my "what if Jaina and Zekk but they reference previous Star Wars eras, especially couples from said eras" agenda but with an Anakin and Padmé quote! Set in the immediate aftermath of the destruction of the Jedi Temple in Jedi Under Siege (right after the cut to black in fact, there's a time jump between the explosion and, like, the next day), Zekk is lying injured on the ground, still in full Darkest Knight regalia (including the bloodred cape--yes, i swear, that's not blood, sorry to disappoint), surrounded by rubble, having saved everyone left by keeping them from going inside. Jaina realized this, so of course she goes running up to her friend, distraught at the thought of losing him just after she'd maybe gotten him back. Cue her falling to the ground at his side, cradling his head and calling his name, only to have him blearily blink his eyes open, thoroughly concussed, see her surrounded by a halo of sunlight, and breathe out a "Are you an angel?" Before passing out again (because, again, head injury). Jaina is confused, but at least he's alive!

Bottom Right (Starlight)-no thoughts head Starlight (Taylor's Version) aka Jaina and Zekk are Jedi partners (and also maybe partner-partners) on a mission to infiltrate a high-end club somewhere in the Midrim. Zekk is posing as Prince Zekkleon of Ennth, with Jaina as his lovely companion Duchess Jaynara. Of course, dashing prince that he is, Zekk can't resist offering his hand in a dance, to the astonishment of Jaina. (Gotta say, this is going a lot more smoothly than that state dinner from their teenage years at least.) Zekk is almost certainly borrowing one of Lando's capes (or wearing one Lando just straight up bought for him, as is his wont), while Jaina's dress, tho you can't really see it very well, is based on a concept art design for one of Padmé's dresses, because I'm an absolute sucker for "Jaina in her grandmother's clothes" as a trope (i read one fanfiction about it and I've been hooked ever since). Quotes from Starlight cause goddammit this is THE JainaxZekk song for me along with Every Little Thing She Does is Magic and (Don't You) Forget About Me, among many others!

The Close-Ups:

#star wars legends #star wars eu #young jedi knights #jaina solo #zekk #zekkna #jaina x zekk #myposts #myart #starlight (taylor's version) #sarah smiles #red (taylor’s version) #star wars fanart #au: test tube babies #(tagging that one cause this is how they look in that au specifically)

[smurphyse]

What inspired Over Your Shoulder and Jasper in particular? I love her so much and the way you write her is so visceral, do you have any kind of experience with the military that inspired you to write it the way you do? Or are you just exceptionally good at winging it?

Well, this story began how most of my stories begin, and that's with me daydreaming and a song comes on and some random scene is created in my head!

I was listening to Apple Pie by Rafferty when the Dirty Rock playlist on Spotify was actually good, imagining a fight scene! I originally was thinking like Spencer is married and just had a kid and bc of the hospital stay some people come for his wife (turns out she's the kid of the lead of the Irish mob) and that's where I started.

Anyways, someone comes in the house and she systematically kills them all bc of her training and Spence watches on the security cam helplessly bc hes on the plane coming back from a case. This is still a pinnacle scene I'm planning with Over Your Shoulder!

The more I thought about it, it just got complicated in a way I wasn't prepared to deal with at the time. Now, hell yes I would write that.

As for creating Jasper, I was in a place in my life where I was very sick and even though I have always been an angry person, i was filled with this insane constant rage all the time. I had gotten very good at supressing it but i was in a point of life where i was scared and in a lot of pain 24/7 with a new diagnosis that was frightening. I wanted to write someone who was as angry as I was, had been traumatized like me, who looked like me and had my unique heritage of being Irish and Indigenous but could pass for both and was very ethnically ambiguous.

As I've written Jasper and healed, she's healed with me, because I'm not that angry anymore. Sure i still get mad and sometimes i get overloaded with that feeling, but i feel like writing her and using her as a sounding board for my frustrations has really helped me heal in a big way. I'm learning to let it go and take a breath, drink less and smoke less, and just try to find enjoyment in the things i can and cant control.

I started out this story with Jack still being alive and Jasper and him in the midst of a divorce (her early relationship with Spencer was still the same) and they had a kid. My plot twist was gonna be that Jazz had the kid while on mission sleeping with the arms dealer Liam Gallagher and Jack adopted it bc he loved Jasper. He was a good dad, but struggled like Spence did with her constantly being in danger, but on a whim I just had her say Jack was dead and booooom the whole thing unfolded.

I have a pretty solid military background! A lot of my family are in the army and air force, and I was just about to head to basic training for the Marines when I suddenly got very sick and had to go on chemotherapy for an autoimmune disorder I was diagnosed with. I've always had the fascination with thrillers and police thrillers and the sniper descriptions in Lisa Gardners Alone really struck something in me! I still say fuck the police but I seriously love tactical backgrounds and scenes and stories. I do a lot of research and read a lot and I think that helps me with the military descriptions in my stories!

As for winging it... i find im pretty good at that too😂😂

#smurph answers #ask smurph #whoof that got long i apologize! #over your shoulder #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction

[imtryingmybeskar]

For the Weird Questions for Writers prompt, I would be a happy bunny if you answered any one of these 🥰:

(26) How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

(29) Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

(7) What is your deepest joy about writing?

(24) How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

Ooooo thank you for the asks my lovely! I'm gonna answer all of them because I'm in that kinda mood. It's gonna be long though so more under the cut!

26) I use various methods to get into my character's heads. Rewatching the source material is an obvious one. But I have to feel like I'm in a particular place when I write particular people. For example when I want to feel extra Star Wars-y I'll play a little bit of KOTOR 1 or 2. I love Fallen Order too but KOTOR is so rich in lore and context for Jedi and Mandos in particular that it's useful for me (even though it's not canon as of yet). For Starman I have a playlist that I listen to to get into the mindset I want.

29) Inspiration comes from so many places. While watching Obi Wan I had an idea for a new fic (the one we've talked about) but it's not based around Obi Wan at all, though it is in the Star Wars universe. I take inspiration from my dreams, from paintings, conversations, games, songs, things I see when I'm out and about. Anything and everything. Sometimes inspiration comes from trying to recapture a feeling I had long ago (this is where Starman began!). I also learn and grow from reading the amazing work of others and they inspire me too. So many talented and lovely writers on here!

To get out, I touch base with the real world. I cook or have a shower or nap or go for a walk. Just divorce myself from that space for a while. I never regret getting into my character's headspace. It's therapeutic for me.

I'm lucky enough that my inspiration well has yet to run dry. I usually have too many ideas and not enough time. But my well of motivation and confidence do disappear on occasion and then it's just a case of pushing through. Writing anything and going back to edit it later is better than writing nothing in my case.

24) I do minimal prep before a story. I think of a thing I want to write and I write it. Sometimes it can be a phrase, a chunk of dialogue, sometimes just trying to capture an emotion. All of my research is done as I go. So on occasion I have made tiny tweaks that mean I have to go back and adjust a word or sentence in previous chapters.

7) My deepest joy about writing is escapism. Inhabiting that world for as long as I can and making it come alive in my mind, and hopefully in the minds of others.

This was where Starman began.

I had been singing the David Bowie song in my head for a day or so and then wondered how I could write a fic around that title. Starman...seemed obvious to me it would be Ezra. The third line is a lyric from a different song that struck a chord. The last line is the feeling I tried to suffuse into the work. There are more notes now, but they're all spoilers so I can't post them!

I tend to have ideas before I sleep so I make hasty notes in my phone when I do. Barring "Work notes" which are as dull as they sound, these are all ideas that I've had over six months or so (I revisited some today!) The "Ezra fic" was an idea that was eventually subsumed into Starman (the idea of him being of noble heritage but working as a prospector and no one knew of his past). "Ezra fluff" are my current Starman notes.

#ask game #lovely asks from lovely people

[dreamwritesimagines]

I have updated and tweaked the playlist for the new updates <3

also

just had the crushing thought that right where you left me is the anthem for percy and cassie

like

"Friends break up, friends get married // Strangers get born, strangers get buried" they started off as friends but then divorce happens and they just become strangers!!! cherie is a stranger to him because they didn't stay long enough for him to know her!!! cassie is a stranger and she is buried!!!! "But I'm right where you left me // Matches burn after the other // Pages turn and stick to each other // Wages earned and lessons learned" is the parallels between cassie and percy and cherie and anthony - cherie burning the book while history repeats itself!!!

"But I, I'm right where you left me // Help, I'm still at the restaurant // Still sitting in a corner I haunt // Cross-legged in the dim light // They say, "What a sad sight" Percy never managed to move on, he just stayed there absolutely miserable until the point he's hardly seen in public anymore. he just becomes a sort of ghost.

"I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop // Right when I felt the moment stop // Glass shattered on the white cloth // Everybody moved on // I, I stayed there // Dust collected on my pinned-up hair // They expected me to find somewhere // Some perspective, but I sat and stared // Right where you left me" How cassie became a scandal and the ton was watching every moment, and how she could never move on either :((((

pretty convinced dr. swift cant believe we can call her that now somehow saw through time and wrote this song for them

oof that got a bit long, oh well

-taylorswiftanon

p.s. that extra scene shattered me and definitely inspired this long rant thinking about all the parallels between the generations :(((((

Awwww omg honeeey, thank you so much for this! ❤ I'M SO EXCITED TO LISTEN TO IT AND SEE THE UPDATE!❤ You're amazing! ❤

My loves, here's the playlist! check it out!❤❤❤

[cafenervosa]

Tom Nook divorce featuring “No Children” by The Mountain Goats

#animal crossing #animal crossing new horizons #acnh #tom nook #crazy redd #redd #digital #comic #this started out as kinda a joke but took a pivot into being actually serious #and it took way longer to draw than i thought lol #inspired by my songs to get divorced to playlist #i also just learned that redd's birthday is two days before mine #libra twinsies #death mention cw

[gens1n]

ain’t shit (ft. dilf!kaeya)

 pairing babysitter!reader x dilf!kaeya

genre smut

song inspo ain’t shit - doja cat // this playlist

oneshot? series? one shot...for now (?). unless i have more ideas then this’ll turn into a mini series ehe

word count 2k

content warning mentions of sex, cheating, breeding kink, reader is a homewrecker lol, not proofread sry </3

author’s note a different perspective of doja cat’s song, where WE are the bad guys now >:) i’m bored of mc being this angelic, innocent character, so let’s have a mc that’s likely won’t be liked by everyone! and that’s alright! gotta love our problematic mc cos it’s not everyday that we have a main character that gets progressively worse over time LMAO (IMPORTANT!!! i don’t condone cheating btw!! this cheating theme is solely for the sake of this fic, pls don’t actually do that to your partner :/)

also big thanks to @/natyra_art on instagram for this beautiful dilf kaeya art... which is also another source of inspiration for this story hehe

‘‘so when are you divorcing her?’‘ you managed to huff in between thrusts.

‘‘hm?’‘

‘‘when are you, ah-’‘ his cock was hitting all the right spots in you, ‘‘divorcing her?’’

‘‘impatient, aren’t we?’‘ kaeya’s raspy voice sent shivers down your spine, as his calloused fingers lovingly traced the goosebumps on your back. 

‘‘it’s been three years, i’ve waited long enough.’‘

‘‘just wait a little longer. i’ll do it when the time is right.’‘

‘’you said that last time too,’‘ you replied, chuckling in disappointment.

‘‘and? don’t you trust my words?’‘ kaeya questioned, his pace slowing down to focus on you better.

‘‘i do, it’s just that...’‘

‘‘hm?’‘ the damp kiss he placed on your nape distracted you for a moment, his breath heavy on your skin as he urged you to carry on talking.

‘‘i’m tired of hiding our relationship... i want to be able to go on dates with you in public. hold your hands and kiss you in front of everyone without getting judged.’‘ the older man merely chuckled hearing your rants throughout your slow fucking session.

hearing his chuckle hit a nerve in you. is he not taking me seriously?

‘‘-and qiqi, that poor baby hasn’t seen her mother in like, what- 8 months? i think last christmas was their last meeting. what kind of mother does that to her child? what a shame... ah- fuck, right there!’‘

ah yes, qiqi. the three year-old baby you’ve been babysitting for the past three years. you were just in your second year of university back then, desperately looking for a part-time job to help support you with your bills and student debt. it was by chance that you met kaeya’s wife who was seeking for a nanny for their 4 month-old qiqi at the time.

her reasoning? she’s a busy travelling businesswoman, going on weekly business trips here and there, while kaeya stayed back to manage his own family company, leaving you to spend most of your university life balancing your studies and taking care of qiqi like one of your own. she even begged you to move in with them to help ease your commute between your campus and their home. two months after moving in with them, she set off on another business trip, claiming that the past six months after giving birth to qiqi was ‘’too much time wasted and opportunities lost in the business world’’. what a great mum.

you tried to understand her point of view, you really did. but after years of seeing qiqi not getting enough maternal love, with her mother coming back once in a while on a three-month interval and acts like she’s not a terrible mom, you’ve gradually accepted that some women just don’t deserve to have kids at all, if all they are doing is neglect the said children. thankfully, her hot husband, kaeya, who is twelve years older than you, helped made it easier for you, providing whatever form of support you need to raise qiqi. now that you just freshly graduated university with all your debt paid, you could finally pay full attention to qiqi, and have her daddy fuck you at the end of each day when you’re finally done with your ‘maternal’ duties.

at this point, kaeya alternated between slow and fast pace, coaxing more rants out of you. this was another one of those cold, rainy nights where you’d snuggle close to kaeya on your shared king-sized bed after putting qiqi to sleep, before it eventually turns into another heated make-out session that usually ends in him burying his dick deep inside you.

‘‘qiqi... she hasn’t met her mother in so long that she starts calling me ‘mom’ months ago. how pathetic is it that her actual mom isn’t even here? don’t you think she deserves a better, available mom?’‘ your complaints earned a manly chuckle from kaeya, who was amused to see how much this was stressing you out.

‘‘oh yeah? you think so?’‘

‘‘i know so,’‘ you firmly stated. another chuckle from him.

‘‘you wanna be her new mom?’‘ kaeya whispered close.

‘‘i’m practically her mommy now. only difference is, we’re not official yet. shame.’‘

‘‘you sure you wanna be her mom? become the new mrs alberich?’‘

‘‘i’ll give her a baby brother while we’re at it,’‘ you dared, glancing back to shoot kaeya a seductive smile. 

fuck, that ignited something in him. to have you willingly offering yourself to carry his children lit up his suppressed desire to breed you full. growing up a single child, it was always a dream of his to have a big, happy family so that none of his child would have to grow up lonely. it’s a shame he ended up with a wife who couldn’t care less about his wishes for multiple kids, instead focusing more on her career, when you are here to fulfil that dream of his.

kaeya instantly shifted your body, making you face the vanity mirror on the opposite end of the bed, as his hips started thrusting faster and harder into you, eliciting a soft moan from your lips. his large hands wandered down to your tummy, thumbs gently rubbing your sweaty skin, a stark contrast to his rough pounding.

his lust-filled pair of eyes stared back at you through the mirror, your body on full display, tits jiggling wildly as he reentered you over and over again. hugging your body closer to his, he whispered deeply, ‘’want me to fill this pussy up? have you creaming all over my cock? breed this tight little pussy full so qiqi can have a new sibling?’’

‘‘ah, ah... yes, yes, yes fill me up daddy!’‘ upon hearing the sacred nickname leaving your lips, he thrusted into you even faster, not minding your gasps and sharp nails clawing into his muscled arms, holding onto him for dear life.

‘‘yeah? you want daddy to make you a mommy? stuff you full with daddy’s seed? carry my children and become my mrs alberich?’‘

‘‘oh god, yes, yes... please!’‘ 

you rested your head on his shoulder blade, your eyes rolling back from the intense pleasure. kaeya held your body even tighter and kissed your gaping mouth to keep you quiet, fearing that your noises would wake qiqi who was fast asleep three bedrooms away.

it didn’t take long before he finally came in you in one last rough thrust, your warm, tight wall milking his veiny dick sloppily, faint white cum running down your pussy as soon as he pulled out. proud to see his massive load practically drooling out of your core, he admired the way the sticky substance pooled at your knees, wetting the bedsheet.

but he wasn’t satisfied just yet, no. he’d swore to himself just now to get you pregnant, already imagining your belly swollen with his future baby. his lustful thoughts prevented him from thinking rationally and recall that he still has a wife to stay faithful to. but for fuck’s sake, it was impossible stay faithful to an absent wife when your hand started pushing him back against the bed, the other hand guiding his dick to your entrance, ready to ride the life out of him.

just as you were about start bouncing on him, his phone started ringing loudly, effectively ruining the moment. you clicked your tongue in annoyance, it’s 11pm, who could be calling him at this time?

kaeya sighed and snatched the phone from his bedside, brows contorting in equal annoyance, eyes squinting at the bright light on his screen before showing the caller ID to you.

oh.

putting it on full speaker for you to hear, he groggily greeted the caller. ‘’yeah, honey? what’s up?’’

the sweet nickname irked you so much that you pretended to puke from it, which earned a silent giggle from the older man.

‘‘oh, i’m sorry babe, were you sleeping? did i disrupt your rest?’‘ rolling your eyes upon hearing the other person’s voice, a light bulb went off in your head. with a snarky smile plastered on your face, you abruptly lowered your body down on his dick, catching kaeya off guard, his breath ragged and eyebrows contorted at the sudden, intense pleasure. 

‘‘fuck, i- uh... still sleepy. it’s almost midnight here, why’d you call so late?’‘ it was entertaining for you to see how hard he tried to stay calm throughout the call, so you decided to further test him. you moved your hips and started grinding on him, pussy wall clenching and unclenching as your hand played with your nipple, another hand bringing his own to rest on your bum.

it took him his entire will to shut his eyes to be able to focus on the clueless wife on the other end of the call. ‘’i’m sorry honey, you were saying?’’ 

‘‘ah, still sleepy aren’t you? haha, i’m calling to let you know i’ll come back in a week once this new york project is finally over!’‘

‘‘w-what?’‘ 

‘‘yeah, remember that new york investment project i worked on since last year? it concludes two months earlier than expected, so i can spend the remaining months with you and qiqi before i start working on a new project!’‘

kaeya had to do a quick double take at his phone screen before staring back at you in disbelief. massaging his temple, he let out a silent sigh, and lazily replied, ‘’oh... that’s good.’’

‘‘it really is! i’ve missed you and qiqi so much, how’s she?’‘

‘‘qiqi’s doing pretty good... started potty training, still throwing tantrums whenever y/n tells her she needs to stop watching pororo past her bedtime though.’‘

‘‘haha, must be nasty to deal with!’‘ hearing this remark, you felt a sense of pride in yourself. you raised qiqi after all, you knew you’re a better mom to qiqi than kaeya’s wife will ever be. all those things she considered ‘nasty’ were just perks that come with being a mother, so why bother become one if she can’t even handle that much?

‘‘how’s y/n? is everyone good back home?’‘ 

‘really good’, you mouthed back, as kaeya’s thumb continued tracing the small skin of your ass, his eyes fixed on your connected bodies, adoring the way your pussy just absolutely sucking him in.

‘‘everything’s alright,’‘ he lazily replied.

‘‘that’s good to hear! alright, i don’t wanna keep you awake any longer, you should continue your sleep! good night sweetheart, love you.’‘

‘‘love you more,’‘ kaeya lied through his teeth with a grimace, immediately hanging up.

‘‘lOvE yOu MoRe,’‘ you continued mocking him, riling him up more. ‘‘great, now she has the audacity to come back when her daughter can’t even recall her face anymore.’’ kaeya remained silent, dreading the day he’ll eventually have to confront his wife.

‘’what about our plan? making another mini you? i guess that’s not happening anymore, huh...’’ you pouted, knowing damn well it’s one of his weaknesses. in an instance, kaeya flipped your body over, you yelped as your back hit the mattress.

‘‘what, did you think i was joking?’‘ he raspily muttered, resting his forehead on top of yours, your limbs instinctively clung to his strong, chiseled body.

‘‘i don’t know... thought you’d change your mind and come running back to your oh-so-lovely wife?’‘

‘‘hm? you mean an absent wife?’‘ he raised a brow, to which you nodded. ‘‘i don’t think so.’‘

‘‘besides,’‘ he paused to hold the back of your thigh open, exposing your connected core, rhythm slow as he tried focusing on his next words, ‘‘you’re practically my wife already. going on vacation dates with me, caring for my child, preparing meals for me like a good wife should. and now..,’’ kaeya’s eyes stared into yours expectantly.

‘‘...now what?’‘

leaning in to give you a tender kiss, kaeya then grinned, his pace quickening, heart surged with desire as he muttered his next words.

‘‘i can’t wait to see your belly rounding, swollen and full, filled with my baby.’‘

author’s note once again i hope i don’t get death threats for writing a homewrecker main character 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️ 

#kaeya x reader #kaeya x you #kaeya x y/n #kaeya genshin #kaeya genshin impact #kaeya genshin x reader #genshin #genshin impact #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #genshin impact fluff #genshin x reader #genshin imagines #kaeya imagines #genshin impact headcanons #diluc imagines #zhongli imagines #childe imagines #thoma imagines #genshin impact x you #genshin impact x reader #kaeya alberich #genshin angst #kaeya angst #kaeya fluff #tw: cheating