#instead of wishing you had what is essentially just as bad if not worse

[mysticalcoffeequeen]

Casually laughing about childhood abuse carries it’s own concerns, but wishing you were delt alternative forms of damage is even worse! “I wish my parents beat me lol” “I wish my mom would give me the silent treatment” “I wish mine criticized me on my body all the time lol I grew up so fat!”

No you fucking don’t!!

#childhood abuse #I get we laugh to cope #but some people treat it like some wild sunday #instead of literal psychological emotional or physical damage at a young age #where your brain was still developing #instead of wishing you had what is essentially just as bad if not worse #see a therapist #like now #mental health #just my 2 cents #trauma #healing

[drdemonprince]

I don't think I have it in me to be an abolitionist because I read that horrible story about the trans teen murdered in South Carolina and my knee jerk reaction is, those people should rot in jail, ideally forever, or worse. No matter how I look at it I can't make myself okay with the idea that you should be allowed to steal someone's life in such a horrible way and then just go back to enjoying your life. Some stuff is just too over the top evil.

You can have whatever emotions you want about that person's murderous actions, but the reality is that the carceral justice system is one of the largest sources of physical, emotional, and sexual torment for transgender people on this planet.

Transgender people are ten times more likely to be assaulted by a fellow inmate and five times more likely to be assaulted by a corrections officer, according to a National Center for Transgender Equality Report.

Within the prison system, transgender people are frequently denied gender-affirming medical care, and housed in populations that do not match their identity, which increases their odds of being beaten and sexually assaulted.

The alternative to being incorrectly housed with the wrong gendered population is that transgender people are also frequently held in solitary confinement instead, often for far longer periods on average than their non-transgender peers, contributing to them experiencing suicide ideation, self harm, acute physiological distress, a shrunk hippocampus, muscculoskeletal pain, chronic condition flare-ups, heart disease, reduced muscle tone, and numerous other proven effects of solitary confinement.

The prison system is also one of the largest sites of completely unmitigated COVID spread, among other illnesses, with over 640,000 cases being directly linked to prison exposure, according to the COVID prison project.

We know that number is rampantly under-estimated because prisoners, especially trans ones, are frequently denied medical care. And even basic, essential physical care. Just last year a 27-year-old Black man named Lason Butler was found dead in his cell, having perished of dehydration. He had been kept in a cell without running water for two weeks, where he rapidly lost 40 pounds before perishing. His body was covered in rat bites.

This kind of treatment is unacceptable for anyone, no matter who they are and what they have done, and I shouldn't have to explicitly connect the dots for you, but I will. One in six transgender people has been to prison, according to Lambda Legal. One in every TWO Black transgender people has been to prison. One in five Black men go to prison in America.

THIS is the fate you are consigning all these people to when you say that prisons must exist because there are really really bad people out in the world. We should all know by not that this is not how the carceral justice system works. Hate crime laws are under-utilized, according to Pro Publica, and result in few convictions. The people who commit transphobic acts of violence tend to be given softer sentences than the prisoners who resemble their victims.

We must always remember that the violent tools of the prison system will be used not against the people that we personally consider to be the most "deserving" of punishment, but rather against whomever the state considers to be its enemy or to be a disposable person.

You are not in control of the prison system and you cannot ensure it will be benevolent. You are not the police, the judge, the jury, or the corrections officers. By and large, the people who are in these roles are racist, transphobic, ableist, and victim-blaming, and they will use the power and violence of the system to terrorize people in poverty, Black people, trans people, "mad" people, intellectually disabled people, women, and everyone else that you might wish to protect from harm with a system of "punishment." Nevermind that incaraceration doesn't prevent future harm anyway.

You can't argue for incarceration as the tool of your revenge fantasies, you have to argue for it as the tool that it actually is. The purpose of a system is what it does. And the prison system's purpose has never been to protect or avenge vulnerable trans people. It has always been to beat them, sexually assault them, forcibly detransition them, render them unemployable, disconnect them from all community, neglect them, and unperson them.

[papercranesandpride]

Can we talk about The Giver by Lois Lowry from the perspective of a loveless person?

I'm going to start with a passage that runs through my head all the time when I think about my lovelessness, because it resonates with me in pretty much the exact opposite way that it's supposed to.

"Do you love me?" There was an awkward silence for a moment. Then Father gave a little chuckle. "Jonas. You, of all people. Precision of language, please!" "What do you mean?" Jonas asked. Amusement was not at all what he had anticipated. "Your father means that you used a very generalized word, so meaningless that it's become almost obsolete," his mother explained carefully. Jonas stared at them. Meaningless? He had never before felt anything as meaningful as the memory. "And of course our community can't function smoothly if people don't use precise language. You could ask, 'Do you enjoy me?' The answer is 'Yes,'" his mother said. "Or," his father suggested, "'Do you take pride in my accomplishments?' And the answer is wholeheartedly 'Yes.'" "Do you understand why it's inappropriate to use a word like 'love'?" Mother asked. Jonas nodded. "Yes, thank you, I do," he replied slowly. It was his first lie to his parents

I agree with Jonas' parents here. You aren't supposed to agree with them, because they're expression the views of the average person in this dystopian society where love has been eliminated. You're supposed to think "wow, this is a really fucked up society if parents don't love their children." More importantly, you're supposed to think "wow, this is a really fucked up society if no one feels love at all." But I agree with them. "I enjoy you" is a vastly more correct and useful thing for me to say. I do wish people used more precise language instead of the term that's been diluted to meaninglessness. I would love a world where we say things like "I'm happier when I talk to you" or "it's cool to be able to say I know someone so talented" instead of "I love you." That's exactly what I'd like.

I just... As someone who grew up to be loveless, it scares me how much I loved this book as a kid. I grew up to be the kind of person this book views as missing an essential part of the human experience. Lois Lowry thinks that being like me is dystopic. It's not fun to realize that about a book I read over and over, and then read again in school as the first book I really, properly analyzed for English class. Some fundamental part of me was formed when I wrote my first very angsty fanfiction about it for a school project. And this book looks at me with revulsion.

Lois Lowry is just wrong. I used to feel love and then stopped feeling it (and I need to post about that sometime, because all the loveless people I see talk about never having felt love and so I want to voice my own experience). I don't think I'm missing out. I have no desire to get it back. To be clear, I don't think I'm better off without it, either. It's a neutral thing. Some people feel it, some people don't feel it, and neither group is worse off. I wasn't any happier with it than I am without it.

I don't really have a point, except just that it sucks that the whole origin point of the teen dystopia craze that formed all of YA during my peak YA-reading years sees lovelessness as bad. But you know. Of course it does. So does the rest of the culture.

#loveless aplatonic #loveless apl #loveless aromantic #loveless aro #loveless #the giver

[jaethecreator]

SKZ ATLA AU PART 2

ok this au is all over the place but lemme go ahead and spill more brainrot since people liked it !!!!!! here is part 1:

so after minho and han realize they need to save the gaang, they have a lil zuko/katara episode. minho, being the apprentice to the firelord, has great control of his firebending and is essentially an unstoppable force. han's healing bending is a great aid to their success in finding and saving the others, but also during this time he realizes he must use his bloodbending if he wants them to have better chances. more than likely, the rebels will know how to counter minho or to handle/distract him, since they're planning to ransom his brother for the end of the war. when minho asks how han will fight, han decides to be honest and explain his own intentions as well. how he learned bloodbending against his will, the pain he'd been in since that day, the nightmares and anxiety, everything. minho is ever understanding, and urges han to only use it if he truly feels he needs to. he reassures him that with his firebending, there will be no need.

OK MEANWHILE !!! TO THE GAAAAAAAAAANG

felix woke up in the middle of the night with sweat running down his neck. that night, he'd had a vision that he was going to lose something. the dream didnt explain what it was or WHO it was he'd be losing, so with a building feeling of anxiety he leaves his tent to check on everyone. chan and changbin had both fallen asleep sat against each other, having promised to take turns keeping watch. felix remembers them fighting over who would watch first earlier that night, mainly because the two men couldn't admit that they wanted to protect the other. after watching changbin sleeping with a pout on his lips and arms crossed though, chan couldn't help the gentle coo that left his lips, before tucking into his side and falling asleep himself. he continues walking to the next tent, seeing both jeongin and seungmin together. the both of them are sprawled out like starfish, but their hands are linked somehow between the mess of limbs. felix chuckles and shakes his head, before walking to han's tent. he knows han is probably asleep, especially since his nightmares have been getting worse the closer to the fire nation they grew. part of him felt bad for wishing han was awake inside, because he felt selfish for wanting to seek han's company after his own less-intense nightmare. however, when he sees han missing from his tent, the hairs on the back of his neck stand to attention. immediately he's breathing quickly, trying to rationalize and calm himself down.. trying to convince himself han might just have walked away to cool off. before he can walk away to go looking for han, felix hears yelling. an ambush.

if felix had used the avatar state, he could have surely protected everyone and taken care of those ambushing him. however, after his lack of control in recent situations, he fears entering the state will hurt more than help. and without han there to keep him calm and to guide him, felix feels lost. instead, he and the others stand to fight. however, a gas slowly fills their camp, rendering the gaang useless. one by one, they fall to the ground. seungmin catches jeongin's body as he goes limp, trying to plug his nose to keep him awake. as he struggles to protect his friend (and the one he loves most) seungmin falls on top of him, knocked out from whatever was released into the air. changbin and chan rose the second they heard yelling, struggling to remain conscious as they began using their bending to create a shield. looking to seungmin and jeongin, they awaited the two to use their air powers to blow the gas away. however, seeing the two younger members of their group passed out, changbin and chan both stopped their bending to pick them up. felix took to attacking the ambushers, using his martial arts while changbin and chan tried to focus on defense. however, with the gas filling their lungs, the air monks on their backs felt heavier and heavier, until both changbin and chan succumbed to the gas. felix, enraged, entered the avatar state. before he could fully unleash his attack, however, his body had ingested enough of the gas to fall to the ground. one by one, the members are loaded up and taken away chained and shackled. realizing they'd also gotten a hand on the avatar, the rebels feel a surge of success and ambition. if they can ransom the firelord's second son to end the war, they could also threaten the firelord with the presence of the avatar.

when the gaang is dropped off at the rebel's camp, hyunjin realizes in horror that felix and his crew have been kidnapped too. through the bars of his enclosure, hyunjin tries to touch felix to wake him, his hands gravitating towards his face. while opening one of his eyes, hyunjin gasps in relevation that felix's eyes are pure white like how he is in the avatar state, but since his body and conscience are dormant, the power is sitting in an inactive vessel, essentially. realizing the boy he'd been flirting with is the avatar, hyunjin's heart grows cold, believing that felix was only manipulating him to get to the firelord.

thankfully for the team, seungmin and jeongin were jailed together, which was a bad choice on the rebel's part. however, they're nowhere near where the others are. instead, they're in some type of boiler room where the air is thick with smoke. being the youngest two of the group and having lost their temple, doubts trickle into their mind. seungmin feels the worst, knowing he tried his best to protect jeongin but had failed. instead of speaking the truth about his guilt and his failed attempt, seungmin instead voices his anger at the situation. he lists how they shouldn't have helped the avatar, how they should have followed monk orders and relocated like instructed in their learnings. jeongin disagrees, urging that they had done the right thing. seungmin snaps at jeongin, raising his voice and saying that it was jeongin's idea in the first place to follow them, not his own. that he only followed jeongin because that's all hes ever done. obviously, our boy seungmin is struggling and is projecting his guilt and anger at himself onto jeongin. definitely getting "i'm not a bad dog.. i don't know why i bite" vibes from this scene. jeongin is quiet for a moment, before saying that he never forced seungmin to make the same choices as him. he's hurt, and seungmin knows, but jeongin tries his best to keep his tone unbothered. they've never been the type to voice their real feelings easily, always messing around and never being serious. ILL EXPLAIN HOW THEY GET FREE IN THE NEXT PART ;)

now to talk about my beloveds BINCHAAAAAAN !!

unfortunately for these two rivals (who are extremely in love but they dont wanna say it smh), they're both held separately. chan doesn't know where changbin is, or whether or not he's even alive. the same goes for changbin. chan swore to himself that he’d keep changbin safe, especially after the incident at the earth kingdom when he found the younger injured and left as the only one alive. meanwhile, changbin has always wanted to show that chan never had to shoulder any pain or responsibility alone. they're both generals, but because chan is older, he'd always take the short end of the stick if it meant changbin would have better opportunities. even as rivals, chan can't help but give changbin every advantage he possibly can. changbin wanted to have chan rely on him, and to need him instead. so when chan came to save him, he was thankful, but he also felt deep shame that he needed saving from the other (as a rival but also as someone who wants to be equal). changbin can't help but worry about what chan is willing to do to save and protect him, and so he views it best that he try to escape on his own instead of waiting to be saved again so he can look for chan. and for once, chan doesn't fight. instead, he sits and waits to find out where changbin is being held, believing that he'd rather remain in captivity than be free without changbin. THE MISCOMMUNICATION IN THIS ENTIRE AU IS SO ASTONISHING !!!! but can u blame them? damn they can't even sleep without getting kidnapped

OK ENOUGH RAMBLING PART 3 HAS MORE ON THE WAY

#stray kids #skz #jae skz atla au #skz au #skz writing #minsung #binchan #hyunlix #seungin #hyunjin #felix #bangchan #lee know #changbin #seungmin #i.n #han jisung

[satans-helper]

Smother the Flame in Your Heart - Part XVIII

Read previous parts here or read on Ao3 // Playlist

Pairing: Danny Wagner x Sam Kiszka

Word Count: ~3400

Warnings: none

We're getting really close to a resolution for Jake, I promise!

---

Sam was always stunning and beautiful to Danny, but essentially living together for a number of days had revealed that, while still being stunning and beautiful, Sam was much more of a slob than he was. Dishes were left in the sink for far too long, he never made the bed, bags of snacks were left open and strewn about the apartment and Sam’s clothes were even worse, just left dirty and thrown all over the place when Danny had a perfectly good hamper to toss it all in instead. He’d spent enough time with Sam to know that a certain amount of bad manners was to be expected–that was just how his beautiful boyfriend was. But, Danny theorized, it was the frustration, anger and sadness that had come along with this unresolved conflict with Sam’s own brother–and, he was sure, Danny himself–that had exacerbated it. 

“Sammy,” Danny said gently, approaching his boyfriend, who was stretched out and nearly naked on the couch, a book in front of his face. “Could you do me a favor?”

Sam dropped the book just enough to peer up at him. “What is it?”

Danny opened his mouth again, ready to ask Sam to take care of the pile of dirty clothes that was crowding his bathroom. But he was a pushover–and totally whipped. “Can you scooch so I can sit with you?” was what he asked instead. 

Sam smiled and thrust his legs out, making room, so Danny sat down in the newly freed space; Sam dropped his bare feet in Danny’s lap and stretched, resting the book on his chest. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah. I’m okay,” Danny said, dropping one hand to Sam’s ankle and running it up his shin. “Are you okay? You seem…just a little off, I guess.”

Sam looked off to the side with a sigh. “I’m fucking pissed, man.” At least when he said it, there wasn’t any real rage in his tone. “Every time Jake tries to talk to me, I remember everything I first felt and I feel it all over again.”

“I wish I could help,” Danny replied. He really did. 

“You help.” Sam looked at him and smiled a little, warmth returning to his face. “You always help. I don’t know what I can do to help myself though.”

After a moment of contemplation, Danny said, “It’s like what we already established, right? It’s not Jake’s fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not my fault. It’s all feelings, and feelings change.”

Sam’s lips pursed slightly as he was silent, then he rubbed the curve of one foot across Danny’s thigh. “There are some feelings I don’t want to change. Like how you feel about me.”

“Those feelings could never change,” Danny said, giving Sam’s ankle a squeeze. “I hope your feelings for me never change.”

“I’m not mad at you. I know you didn’t do anything.” Sam looked up to the ceiling, bringing a hand to the top of his head. “But I can’t see how you and him can be friends anymore.”

Danny’s heart sank. He liked Jake a lot and really did want to remain friends with him–even become better friends. He understood Sam’s jealousy, anger and wariness and wanted to argue through it, but that would be a losing battle. Maybe in time those feelings would change too, and things could go back to normal. Relatively speaking.

“You can’t see it ever?” Danny asked.

Sam looked back at him. “I can’t see it now. I know it makes me a dick, but like, if you guys ended up alone again–” He let out a groan and rolled onto his side. “I can’t even think about it.”

“Nothing would ever happen.”

“I know. But he’d be thinking about it.”

“Hey, I know this is a delicate matter. It’s your brother,” Danny said, running his hands in what was hopefully a soothing way over Sam’s lower legs. “But don’t you think that’s also even more motivation to try and work things out?”

After a small grumble, Sam said, “Perhaps.”

Danny chuckled. “I bet he misses you. I bet Josh misses you too. I’m sure you miss them.”

“Perhaps,” Sam repeated, swinging his legs off Danny’s lap so he could sit up. He reached for his bottle of kombucha from the end table. “But I also like staying here. I like being with you all the time.”

“I like it too. You’re my guy,” Danny assured him, meaning every word–but another glance at the coffee table in complete disarray made him cringe. “But you’ve still got two brothers in a house that you pay rent for. You know you can come here anytime, right? I’ll give you my spare set of keys to keep permanently.” 

Sam had thought to himself many times over the past months about living with Danny. Really living together, not just crashing for a while, and what it would be like. Would it create friction where there wasn’t any? Would it, on the other hand, make things even better? There would be endless privacy, which also meant endless sex, and Sam would never have to deal with Jake being in his space ever again if he didn’t want to. 

But that wasn’t a solution no matter how much Sam wanted it to be.

“Doesn’t it bother you too?” he asked, dropping his hands that were still holding the kombucha between his legs. “Jake’s like, a new friend for you and all this time he wanted to get in your pants. It’s fucking awkward to say the least.”

Danny had really just tried not to think about it too much. He felt naïve for not being able to read Jake better or just not being able to read flirtation better. He’d had to teach himself to be such a skilled flirt to stay alive, yet he couldn’t tell when someone was throwing him signals first? But he’d never given Jake a thought in that way. If he wasn’t Sam’s brother, maybe. But that wasn’t the case. So Danny had only thought of Jake as a friend, truly, and he’d buzzed with confusion that felt juvenile once Jake had dropped the bomb.

“It does bother me a little,” Danny admitted, matching Sam’s slumped, hanging posture over the edge of the couch. “It makes me feel stupid. If I’d known he was into me like that, I would’ve…done things differently.”

“Don’t feel stupid,” Sam protested gently, bumping his knee against Danny’s. “You don’t know what you do to people because you don’t try. Well, I mean, you don’t try unless you’re trying to get your next meal. Just living your life, you have no idea how sexy you are.”

Danny laughed. “I don’t think I’m sexy, Sammy.”

“Exactly!” Sam slapped him on the shoulder, nearly sending kombucha flying out of the bottle as he became animated. “You don’t think you are, but you are, and you not thinking you are makes you even sexier.”

Danny paused, mouth slightly agape as he tried to think that through. “I’m just going to take your word on that.”

“You should.” Sam sighed and sat back. “I wish it didn’t bother me so much. If Jake were a girl, it’d be kind of funny. Kind of cute, maybe. But…” He trailed off, not wanting to analyze it any further, because admitting anything else made him realize that he was a little threatened by his brother. That may have been obvious to Josh and Danny even if they hadn’t said it explicitly, but it’d never been obvious to Sam until now. 

Danny knew without Sam saying anything else. He settled back into the couch next to his boyfriend and rested his head on Sam’s shoulder. “I’m not rushing you out the door, Sammy. I just don’t want this distance between you and Jake to cause anymore hurt.”

By the time dinner rolled around, Sam decided that he’d go back home the next day after work. So he had the whole place with Danny all to himself for one more night–the entire apartment that he knew Danny still didn’t love, but Sam did. The apartment smelled like Danny–like his own natural scent that was addictive to Sam, like the expensive coffee beans he’d bought and ground and brewed just for Sam, like the tobacco, leather and sandalwood from the candles around the living room, like the loaf of bread they’d baked together. Sam loved this place because it was Danny’s. 

Once dinner was long over and the night outside was deep and black, Sam pulled his vampire boyfriend close to himself in bed. He inhaled the smell of Danny’s sweat and skin and shampoo from the pillow beneath his head, then turned to sniff his clean, damp hair as he tightened his arm over his boyfriend’s waist. 

Danny let out a little hum and held Sam’s hand against his torso. “I like when you’re the big spoon.” Sam was so long and willowy that Danny hadn’t thought he would actually like being the little spoon with him, but it worked–Sam always threw all his limbs all over Danny and made him feel like he was in a cocoon.

“I love that you love it,” Sam replied, smiling to himself, and nuzzled his nose into the back of Danny’s head. Then he thought about Jake and his smile dropped away. He sighed, turning away, and shut his eyes tighter as if that would erase the images in his head. “Shit. How am I gonna do this, Danny? Every time I think about Jake, I just wanna–” He cut his own words off with a groan, not sure of what he wanted to do. Punch his brother in the face? Kick him in the nuts? Bitch slap him? Nothing seemed right. 

Danny sighed. He was more than willing to listen to Sam’s woes, but he really was tired–it had been a long week, to say the least. “Okay. What’s your worst fear, baby? Because to me, it seems like the worst is over. What else could go wrong?” he turned his head to the side just a little, catching a glimpse of Sam’s profile caught in the yellow glow filtering in from the lights outside. “You know I’m not gonna do anything, right?”

“It’s not you I’m worried about,” Sam reminded Danny with a grumble, stuffing his face back into his hair. “Seriously–every time I think about you and Jake alone, I imagine him–well. I don’t need to fucking say it, do I?”

So tired, Danny couldn’t help but laugh. “Sammy, come on–give him a little more credit. If he really wanted to do something, don’t you think he would have? It’s just a crush.”

Sam snorted. “Yeah, right. Just a crush. You don’t know Jake.”

Danny squeezed Sam’s hand. “What don’t I know about him that applies to this conversation?” 

“That he’s a romantic. His crushes last years, Daniel. I mean, this one has already lasted what, like six months? That’s a long time.”

Sufficiently out of energy, all Danny said was, “Oh, Sammy.” 

–

When Sam returned to his home, Josh’s car was gone but Jake’s was there like a silent, unknowing taunt in the driveway. With a heavy sigh, he resigned to park behind it. To face the lion’s den. Jake should just get a “honk if you’re a vampire” bumper sticker and be done with it, he thought, then chuckled lightly to himself. Maybe when all of this blew over–because it would have to blow over eventually–Sam would get one for him.

Inside, Sam found Jake in the kitchen doing the dishes. He startled when Sam dropped his duffel bag on the floor, whipping around with a plastic spatula still dripping with soap bubbles in his hand.

“God, Sam!” Jake said, lowering the spatula. He stared at his brother briefly, looking wary, then he turned back around. Over his shoulder, he added, “Welcome home. Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“Sorry,” Sam said, keeping himself planted in the doorway. As much as he wanted to cross his arms, he kept them at his sides, hands in his pockets–he needed to truly be open to fixing things. “But did you know how sneaky vampires are?”

Jake shut the water off, grabbed the hand towel from the counter and turned around to face him again. “Are they?”

“I don’t know. Danny’s not, actually,” Sam admitted with a semi-forced smile. Jake looked more tense than even he felt, his back pressed hard against the counter, his hands gripping the towel too tightly. At the end of the day, Sam really didn’t want to be the cause of any more tension. He pulled one hand out of his pocket, retrieving a pack of cigarettes that was empty except for two joints. “Wanna get high?”

It was raining again–Sam and Jake opened the windows in the older brother’s bedroom to let whatever air they could in with the ceiling fan spinning above them. They’d shared the first joint in almost complete silence, not even any music in the background to play a backdrop to Sam’s thoughts. Then, with the second joint smoldering between them as they sat on the floor, Sam really took a minute to look around–it felt like it’d been a long time since he’d been in Jake’s room for more than a few seconds. It looked different. There was different art on the walls, additional photographs, records Sam didn’t remember him buying–when had all of this happened? When did they all start getting older and when did everything start changing?

Even the rug beneath his crossed legs was unfamiliar. Sam picked at a loose thread, staring at the deep green and blue pattern that matched Jake’s bedspread. “Remember when we’d sleep on the floor of mom and dad’s bedroom in the summer?” he mused, thinking back to those long, languid childhood summers. 

“Yeah,” Jake said with a chuckle, passing the joint to Sam. “I still don’t understand why they didn’t get central air earlier. Those nights were brutal without a/c.”

“They just had to hog the one window unit all to themselves,” Sam agreed, shaking his head as he inhaled. 

“Just so you know, Sam,” Jake began, and Sam turned to look at him with the joint still against his lips. “I’m taking this as a peace offering.”

Sam nodded, passing it back. “It is, man.”

“Okay. So. You know I have like, a million questions, right?”

Sam hesitated, as did Jake–they were both motionless, looking at one another, for what felt like far longer than just the few seconds it was until Jake took another hit. “Alright,” Sam said. “Like what?”

Jake set the joint in the ashtray, swapping it out for the can of cream soda he’d been drinking. He took a sip, looking down, before he said, “Does it hurt?”

Sam felt his body tighten, but he tried to let that energy go as quickly as possible, trying to think of how to answer–if he painted this picture in a far less romanticized, and far less accurate, light, he might be able to turn Jake off to the whole idea of vampires. Of Danny. Sam could play up the fear and the pain, make it seem like Danny was some blood-crazed hound with little willpower. But, no–he didn’t want to make up lies about his boyfriend. He didn’t want to lie at all. 

“It hurt the most the first time,” Sam said, stealing the joint back when it appeared as though Jake had no intention of finishing it. “Mostly because I was so caught off-guard. I didn’t have any warning. But it also didn’t hurt for that long, I guess. The shock was the worst part of it.”

Jake nodded, eyes a little glassy and unfocused. He still wasn’t looking at Sam. “That makes sense. So now it–it doesn’t really hurt at all?”

Sam inhaled the last remaining bit of burning weed sharply, then exhaled while he stamped out the joint into the other ashes in the glass tray. “It hurts a little. Danny’s teeth are really sharp. Sharper than they look.”

Jake was silent for a moment, this time staring at Sam with his mouth slightly open like Sam had just opened him up to some kind of revelation. “Oh,” he finally said. “And how much does he–? I mean, I’ve already been so into different vampire mythologies, and in a lot of cultures and media and stuff, it usually says vampires drink all the blood.” Sam was shaking his head; Jake added, “Right. You said it’s just like, I dunno, a disease? And he just needs enough blood to keep himself alive, which isn’t that much.”

“Whatever he drinks corresponds to how long he can go without drinking again,” Sam explained. Weirdly, it felt kind of good to be talking about it even if it was with Jake. Poor Danny hadn’t been able to share any of this with anyone until Sam came along, and now they both had the safe, close relationships they needed to not keep everything stuffed away. “So if he drank more, he could go longer. But he doesn’t like to do that because, y’know, irreparable harm and whatnot.” With a chuckle, he added, “He doesn’t want anyone to need a blood transplant or anything.”

“How many people has he–”

“I don’t know,” Sam interrupted. He really didn’t want to know. “I never asked. It doesn’t matter. It’s only me now.” He flashed his teeth in a daring grin, then said, “I’m the best he’s ever had. That helps his stamina too.” 

Jake felt stuck for a second. Then he nodded again, eyes returning to gaze at the floor as he kept clutching his root beer. “Right.” He sighed. “Do you guys ever worry about running into those other people? I feel like I’d spend my whole life paranoid. Looking over my shoulder, you know?”

“That’s why Danny goes out of town to do it. He told me later on that being here for Halloween was just like, a fluke. He said he was too eager to just get out and have some real fun, but then he–”

“Then he ran into you.”

Sam’s throat tightened a little, defensiveness surging forward again. “Right.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “But yeah, honestly, I–I do worry sometimes. I don’t think Danny likes to talk about it, but I think he worries about it more than he lets on. He said a lot of people kind of forget. Like the shock and the trauma can make the memories fuzzy. Who would believe them anyway, right?” Sam laughed a little, but it sounded somewhat sad even to his own ears. “I never thought you guys would believe me.”

For the first time during their entire smoke session, Jake smiled slightly. “You know I would. I didn’t even question it when I realized it for myself.”

Sam smirked. “Seriously? You didn’t question it at all?”

“Well. Maybe a little. But we live in a day and age where anything is possible.”

Sam leaned back on his hands, looking up at the ceiling fan. “That’s true.” He hunched forward and brought his gaze back to Jake. “Can I ask you something now?”

Jake gave a little nod. “Okay.”

“If Danny was just normal, just like us, would you still be interested?”

There was a brief moment of silence before Jake simply said, “Yes.”

Sam let out a heavy sigh, reaching for his own drink–a bottle of iced tea that he’d forgotten in the fridge before he’d gone to stay with Danny. “I’m not sure if that makes this harder or if it doesn’t make it any different at all.”

“I’m sorry. I never wanted to be.”

“I know,” Sam said sharply. 

“I’d never do any–”

“I know that too.”

“Do you?”

Sam looked around the room again at all the things that reflected his older brother, at the memories that were there in cherished objects and pictures that reminded him that, no matter what, they would never be torn apart. “Yeah,” he said, finally offering Jake a smile that did feel mostly genuine, mostly easy. “I trust you.”

---

Tagging:

@mackalah @sparrowofrhiannon @starbuggie @lightsofthe-living-gvf @sanguinebats @gvfrry @clairesjointshurt @bizzielisteningtogreta @milojames16 @brokebellsgvf @streamsofstardust @heckingfrick

If you’d like to be tagged in any of my fics, you can go here or DM me :)

#greta van fleet #gvf #danny wagner #danny gvf #sam kiszka #sam gvf #jake kiszka #jake gvf #josh kiszka #josh gvf #gvf fanfiction #sanny #danny wagner x sam kiszka #stfyh

[starry-eyed-steve]

Stumbled across you and really enjoyed your takes on the show and the characters. There were multiple things that bugged me about S4 but by far my biggest peeve is that no one felt the need to apologize to Lucas or acknowledge the fact that he was putting his life in danger trying to keep tabs on his teammates. The show + Hellfire treats his decision to play basketball like some big betrayal when really, it's a kid expressing interest in two things equally. Just wish we got a scene for that.

I absolutely agree, Lucas never did anything wrong in this show, and I stand by that. He deserves better!!!

When Lucas looked around and saw those empty seats, knowing his friends didn't have his back. Or worse when they replaced him with his own sister, who was at every game and missed the one where he scored. My heart broke for him in that moment. To think that people who watched the show were pissed at Lucas for hanging out with his teammates when his friends let him down. I would have avoided them as well. And when he realized that something went wrong, he used his position to help his friends. Like, what do people want from him?

In general, it's weird how the show vilianises people who are popular, jocks and athletes. It's not like Lucas ditched his friends. He was still part of hellfire, but the show treats him like a villain for doing sports now. How are those people worse than Eddie, who shamed everyone in that cafeteria with his speech? He's also a judgmental asshole but because the show frames him as the underdog, his actions are not seen as bad. It seems like the Duffers have some unresolved high school trauma where a popular guy wronged them, and now everyone who isn't a loser nerd is essentially the devil.

Back to Lucas, like my boy deserves better plot than what he is given. Don't get me wrong I loved his storyline with Max, Lumax is my favorite ship in the show. But like I mentioned in another post, his struggles as a black kid often gets overshadowed for the romance plotline.

A huge factor as to why he played basketball was the fact that on top of the bullying his friends face, he also had to deal with racism. We deserved to see a Patrick and Lucas friendship where they discuss it or bond about it. If you think about it, the party never really gave a shit about this reason, and the show underplayed it as well. Instead, Lucas sports plot was framed as him turning his back to his friends, automatically painting him in a negative light, even though it wasn't true. He just wanted support from his friends, and they never delivered. If Will was there, I think he would have supported Lucas, knowing how it feels when your friends ridicule your hobbies. An apology from Dustin would have been the minimum. (Mike wasn't there for the plot) At least Erica apologized to him later, but still. Eddie should have spent a bit more time with Lucas and apologized as well. But that's never going to happen because the Duffers refuse to acknowledge they have this agenda towards jocks.

Another point that I wanted to see was Lucas struggling with Billy's death. I know this season was mostly about Max, and I loved how it was dealt with, but I wish we could have gotten Lucas POV as well. Of course, he wanted to be there for Max. He loves her, but it would have been difficult to emphasize after s2 when Billy attacked him for racial reasons. Billy never made it up to Lucas. He could have gotten the chance in s3, but the show killed him first episode and turned him into a monster. That's why I don't believe in a Billy redemption in s3 because the people he hurt (Lucas and Steve) never got an apology. So I really wanted to see Lucas's complicated feelings towards it. (I think it's the main reason Max kept her distance she knows Billy hurt her friends, so they might not understand her.)

In general, the show has a huge problem with how they portray their black characters. Lucas's experiences with racism are not taken seriously. Most of his arc is about a white girl (nothing against Max, seriously, I love them together). Erica is a stereotypical sassy black girl with a big mouth, and when she got tackled by this grown ass man in vol2, nobody really bat an eye. Patrick was the least developed Vecna victim, Fred and Chrissy got so much more screen time. So you can clearly see the pattern through the show.

Lastly, because of the limited amount of time, the show can't address anything. Especially in s4, the plot was super tight. They had to cut out so much. I blame the useless Russian plot because that was so unnecessarily. Anyway, with more time and with more episodes, the plot could have spread out more. The characters would get time to breathe and interact with others more. Traumas could be dealt with in a better, more genuine way as well. But we are stuck with 9 episodes per season. Something has to be cut, and we can't forget the show is created by two white men. Of course, they are not sensible when tackling racist matters. (Btw Caleb also deserves so much better. The fact that he wasn't invited to talk shows and is always kinda left out is absolutely horrible. Plus, the hate he got in s1 just because his character wasn't a big fan of El is unacceptable)

#lucas sinclair #erica sinclair #max mayfield #eddie munson #patrick mckinney #dustin henderson #the party #stranger things #sandra says stuff #anon #anonymous #answered #tw racism

[vioisgoinginsane]

Me, playing Rio's Route

Ch 11-20

@altairring bestie. Besties hold me. He's too perfect

@vivifucksthevillian i am stealing your old unsername formant

How does falling in love with my 'best friend' manages to have more flavour of forbidden love than... Than.... I Don't dare say....

☀️

Rio just casually gets poisoned and thank god i didn't have to like. Wait a day for story tickets to find out if he's fine. How would i be supposed to function that way?

Also i just realised they wouldn't have been able to pull that narrative trick of 'was it silvio? Was it emidio?' Back then If they didn't have the same hair colour they even had me for a sec.

☀️

"Yeah you're terrible so make up for it"

Is what i would think except i can't say because if he asked how to make it up to me........

☀️

Sariel: did your own pet bite you?

Me: pff- I wish.

SARIEL. YOU DEVIL!!! but i guess someone fuckin had to get them to talk....

RIO YOU DUMBASS GOOFBALL (AFFECTIONATE) NOW COME HERE SO I CAN KISS THAT SPOT

☀️

(Stay strong! I didn't cry yet and I can still keep going!!)

☀️

How does Rio have so many fuckin extremes? He goes from pathetic slouching in Sariel's office to the coolest (slightly yandere, actually, but i don't care) dude and I am down bad all the way through. And he's gulping that drink down how only a son benitoite could—

Also Sariel coming in with the "you must never become a beast" that whole peptalk of his is just iconic, actually-

☀️

Me: Rio, he's not my dad!... So I'm gonna do it either way!

Akatsuki: *having a heart attack* what?

This reminds me of Mitsuhide's route...

If i didn't already want to see Mr. Akatsuki's reaction to each individual suitor i should would now.

☀️

RIO YOU HORNDOG

(Don't stop,actually)

In a perfect world, I get to tell you sure go ahead.

Game: well i have good news for you!! It's an option!!

☀️

Thank fuckin god every single one of my concerns last post has been adressed and also thank fkin god i got to speedrun it instead of sitting annoyed for days.

☀️

my mind broke

.......................................

IT'S NOT AN ENDING CG

WE NEVER HAD THAT BEFORE

YEAH CLAVIS GOT THR SEXY CG IN THE

TRUE LOVE ENDING BUT THIS— GOD I

THINK THIS IS A FIRST IN HISTORY

ALSO YOU GAVE THE COME HITHER EYES FIRST.

So help me god-

AND YOU'RE TELLING MD HE GETS WORSE (SWEETER)?!?!!!!!

☀️

RIO

Omfg he DID mark me...

NO GIRL THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS HE'S GONNA BE SO FUCKIN SMUG ABOUT IT

☀️

.....

I CAN'T FUCKIN BELIEVE THAT STUPID DOODLE I MADE YESTERDAY IS ESSENTIALLY CANON!! RIO SHOWS UP EVERY TIME I CRY AND THEN HE GOES AND SAY-SAY THE THING AND THEN I START CRYING HARDER CUZ HE'S JUST TOO NICE AND CUTE AND SWEET AND- AND HE'S STARTED THINKING ABOUT HOW TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE TO STAY TOGETHER-

☀️

"Rio, have been kissing that bunny plushie that looks like me all these years?"

"Who knows?"

My GOD he's a LOSER

I WANNA KISS ON THE MOUTH

☀️

Ah. There it is. The infamous Silvio-in-a-box. GIL REALLY 20 CHAPTERS TO TALK TO ME AND WHEN HE DOES IT'S A CASUAL ENCOUNTER.

this is like. The complete opposite of Sariel's route where he shows up now and then to tell me something omnious and vaguely threatening (anything he says sounds vaguely threatening, except when it's explicitly threatening)

#ikepri #me playing rio's route #cybird #ikemen prince #ikemen series #ikepri rio #i love rio

[buttercup-fluffalove]

note from the buttermom: thank you thank you thank you to everyone who posted comments sending good wishes to buttercup. here's an update on everyone's favorite floofy baby:

on wednesday buttercup seemed a little aloof, hanging out on her favorite chair instead of stalking me like she always does. i was concerned but chalked it up to the fact that i was running around like a crazy person prepping for thanksgiving and wasn't giving her the attention she needed.

then on thursday she was way off. way way off. very lethargic, slinking away when i tried to pet her, drool staining her mouth and discharge around her nose, and her breath was even worse than kitty breath should be. my panic was mounting all day long as i fought not to google her symptoms (because i default to impending-doom-mode). by evening i was beside myself with worry but also worried i was overreacting; finally my husband practically shoved me out the door to take her to the emergency vet, if only so i wouldn't keep him up all night worrying.

initially the vet thought she just had an upper respiratory infection, based on her nasal discharge, drool, and lethargy. however upon her exam they noted the bad breath and that her belly was extremely sensitive - she did her big girl 'leave me alone' growl the moment they touched her. those are both tell-tale signs of an intestinal blockage so they took her back for imaging.

which i could hear her not enjoying from the waiting room. they ultimately had to sedate her to get a proper image and exam done. i got to snuggle her while the drugs kicked in though so that was nice.

when she was calm enough they were able to get some imaging and discovered what they call a "linear foreign body" - eg she had swallowed some string or yarn. (there was also some still stuck in her mouth, wrapped around and under her tongue.) this is exceptionally dangerous because one end can get snagged in the digestive track while the rest of it continues to get pushed through, resulting in the small intestine essentially bunching itself up like a tube sock, and then it can start to shred. when that happens, the only way to repair it is to remove the damaged sections of intestine.

if i hadn't brought her in, she would have died.

she needed surgery immediately.

they gave me a few moments alone with her, during which i sobbed uncontrollably and told how much i love her and that she needed to be brave and strong and come home to me.

then they took her back and sent me home, where i continued to cry and clean up every last inch of the lower level of the house of anything that could possibly be string or string-adjacent. (today i tackle the upper level.)

finally around 4 am they called me with the best possible version of this horrible situation: the string had only gotten as far as her stomach. they were able to remove it from her stomach, esophagus, and mouth, and there was no sign that it had moved into her small intestine so they didn't have to do any further cutting. there may be small remnants passing through, and her pancreas is inflamed which is rather concerning, so she needs to be monitored for a while still.

they'll be keeping her for at least the rest of today (friday), maybe tomorrow too. they need to make sure she's eating again (i'm pretty sure she hadn't eaten in almost 2 days), properly hydrated, and using the litterbox - all of which are signs that her intestines haven't been damaged and are working properly.

i may get a chance to visit her this afternoon, and will post further updates as i know more.

i am so grateful to the staff at the emergency vet hospital - and even more grateful that they were open last night on the holiday, given that every other vet clinic in 100 miles was closed. they were so kind to me as i broke down crying in the office, and were completely in love with buttercup at first sight (who isn't?) and ready to do anything and everything to save her life.

the house is painfully quiet and empty without the magnificent butterbeast prowling the halls. cross your fingers and toe-beans that she'll be able to come home soon and have a speedy recovery, with lots of good drugs to keep her calm and pain-free as she heals. she'll have to wear the angry lamp for a while, but she's going to be okay.

[newx-menfan]

Marvel Infinity Comics Love Unlimited #44 Review

*Spoilers*

The issue starts with Gwen getting a new costume and talking about Jean/Scott/Wolverine/Emma love quad…

Gwen talks about the Wither and Elixir rivalry and describes Elixir as the “good boy” (REALLY??! That’s like saying Hellion and Rockslide are “good boys” 😂🤣)

Gwen mentions Elixir’s history of being part of the Reavers and uses that to her advantage by telling Josh that she’s having trouble controlling her powers and needs his support…

As Gwen puts her plan in motion and the guys fall for her, she begins to feel guilty….

Wither finds out what happens from Eyeboy, who saw Gwen with both Elixir and Wither…

Apparently Elixir and Wither are friends now?? (They were NEVER close even BEFORE the Laurie drama…so this feels kind of out of the blue…)

Instead of them fighting…they hug it out and Gwen feels even worse, admitting that she’s glad their still friends and that she didn’t really have feelings for either of them…

(The “girl who can warp reality” line is a bit strange…since while Laurie COULD manipulate people emotionally…it’s a very DIFFERENT power set from Gwens??)

While Gwen is contemplating all of this, a goo monster nearly attacks her but she’s saved by Julie Power.

Julie compliments Gwens hair and the issue ends with Gwen realizing she has a crush on Julie.

Review:

Ehhh 😬

It’s disappointing…because #43 was super fun and this is…not as great…

Besides some weird canon issues…like the Laurie comment….it just felt… kind of cliche?

I often wished we got more development in this issue… but I realize the writer only had so much time (when did Elixir and Wither become friends? What caused this to happen? Does this mean neither of them are with Laurie??) 

But I think the BIGGEST disappointment was instead of Gwen realizing that she maybe doesn’t NEED relationships to stay relevant (god KNOWS X-23 fans WISH Laura would stop being shoved into bad relationships!)… the writer instead goes for a ham fisted LGBTQIA+ relationship, that feels a bit like a stereotype on bi-women?? 

Having a bi-woman represented as possibly ruining a friendship for essentially…clout…isn’t GREAT, especially when you consider HOW MANY BI-CHARACTERS are represented as morally dubious or evil 😬

I agree with most people’s comments on Twitter- if you were going to go with the twist of Gwen falling for a woman…wouldn’t Wallflower, the original STARTER of the Wither/Elixir drama, have been funnier than randomly throwing Julie in??

Still- it was great to see both characters and considering how little page time we get of the NXM…this WAS kind of a fun little treat! (I rescind this being SMaTXM tier levels however!)

Also Elixir and Wither look pretty amazing in the art! (The “pretty boy” look really works for both of them😂) 

#Review #spoilers #Marvel Infinity Comics Love Unlimited #Love Unlimited #Gwenpool #Gwen Poole #Elixir #Josh Foley #Wither #Kevin Ford #x men #new xmen #new x men #Marvel #academy x #new x men academy x

[yuisdad]

The Women Love Women Phobia in Otome games and fandom

You ever find yourself reading a summary for an otome game that you either can’t get overseas or are looking to see if you’re interested in buying said game? Does this particular game have a route where the MC can date another girl? If it happens to have one, then you might see opinions on said summaries saying “I wish it was a best friend/platonic route”, and that’s if you’re lucky to not find a game summary that doesn’t skip the wlw route entirely.

This has thankfully died down, but in the early to mid 2010’s, you’d usually see these opinions floating around, especially when it came to console otome games. Now, there are some otome game fans who don’t like wlw romance in their games (or lgbt+ romance it seems), which isn’t inherently bad, but it’s still weird how they go out of their way to say they don’t like wlw routes in otome games and wish they were platonic routes instead…which is essentially a variation of people who don’t like lgbt+ romances saying “Why can’t they stay platonic? Not everything has to be romance”. But it’s even worse when otome game fans say this rhetoric because they’re playing a ROMANCE GAME!

There is also a double standard at play since some players don’t like wlw routes…yet are fine with incest (“as long as they’re not blood-related” or whatever bs), teacher x student romances, concerning age gaps, etc, simply because they find the male love interest attractive.

There are also players who are not attracted to women, so they don’t play wlw routes…But even that doesn’t hold much water considering that you don’t need to find someone physically attractive in order to enjoy a romance, which now makes me concerned how adult players view high school love interests if they’re basing likability off of attractiveness…

This wlw phobia is also in a few otome games themselves. One example that comes to mind is Gekka Ryouran Romance, where they have a girl as a love interest since all of their routes have a forbidden romance theme…even though same sex relationships aren’t and will never be forbidden. (Oh boy, can you tell this game was made by Rejet?) Hamefura, All Routes Lead To Doom is a harem isekai anime set in an otome game where the original MC and two female friends explicitly fall in love with the protagonist, Catarina. When it got adapted into an otome game by Otomate, they not only have no routes, but any romantic attraction they had for Catarina was written out of the story. The game came out in 2022…

However, there are otome games with genuinely good wlw routes, especially in mobile otome. My awesome mutual, @lolotheparagon, has played these mobile games and has more knowledge on them then I do, but from what I’ve seen, they’re pretty well written and are given the same attention and good writing as other male routes. Some of them have marriage ends, so the ladies are winning in that department!

Validate is a recent game that not only has a ton of lgbt+ romance, but has very good POC and plus size rep. There’s also an obcure otome game called IDEA Sensen Fukoku Hen, which not only has two wlw routes and I believe a nonbinary route, but the two male love interests have the option to date each other, which is something I haven’t seen in an otome game AT ALL. Although, considering how the company writes mlm relationships, I’m a little afraid about how good the lgbt+ rep in IDEA is.

If anyone has any wlw routes they’d like to share, or just thoughts about wlw routes in otome games in general, then feel free to add to this post.

#otome game #otome games #visual novel #wlw #lgbtqia

[maleyanderecafe]

A False Confession (Webcomic)

Created by: Cooara/Haenk

Genre: Isekai/Fantasy

Even for isekai stories, A False Confession feels pretty... predictable. It's obvious from the get go which one will be the yandere and which one will be the main love interest. I think that the art can be pretty nice at times, but honestly, it doesn't really feel like there's much going on in this webcomic. I will say though that the male lead and the MC have a bit of a cute dynamic though.

The story is a bout Renesha who has reincarnated about 10 different times, though this time she believes that this life will be different. She decides to be a priest/holy person at a temple because of her high holy power and is placed into a high seat. After essentially being bribed by the temple, she is assigned to be the medic for a war, falling in love with Czeshmir, the head knight, while also being afraid of Willard, the head knight. She does her best to get near Czeshmir and develops a stronger bond for Willard. During the war, she deals with the idea that she cannot save everyone, watching people die before her as she tries to heal everyone. When one of the head knights nearly dies protecting her, Renesha lets out a huge explosion of holy magic thanks to Willard, saving not only her people but ending the war. After this war, she goes out drinking and tries to confess to Czeshmir, only to accidentally confess to Willard. She's too afraid to break the confession, and tries in different ways to stay away from Willard, despite the fact that he is nothing but kind to her. Renesha begins her training to be an even stronger holy mage, and during this time, Czeshmir does confess to Renesha, even going so far as to suggest an affair with him if she wants to be with him so badly. Renesha refuses, and when Willard finds out, he ends up scaring her so badly she starts to cry. Willard feels guilty and does his best to apologize to her with gifts and other things. The latest chapter talks more about why Czeshmir cares so much about holy magic, and what lengths he had to go to obtain it.

It's honestly a bit strange that the actual confession teased in the beginning doesn't actually show up until around chapter 40 in the webcomic, but I do think it makes the confession a lot less shallow than I initially thought it would be. It builds up the relationship between Renesha and Willard as well as Czeshmir a lot better than if she had just confessed to someone randomly, but it is really strange it takes so long to get to that point. Around this time is where the story changes from the prologue to the actual romance and plot, for better or for worse. I think the first part of the story is sort of boring, most of it is just build up to the actual confession later on. I was interested when Renesha was protected by the head knight, since the story was building up to how she saw her powers used for life and death and it would have been really impactful if she wouldn't be able to save him and had to face the trauma of not being able to save someone because of how weak she was, but... instead she kinda just explodes in holy magic, not only healing everyone but causing the war to end? It doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, and it certainly makes the entire war seem pretty pointless. Rene does have a bit of respect for working on the battlefield now that she has experienced it, I just feel like it would have been a better arc for her to actually have to deal with not being able to save the people she was suppose to instead of taking her powers for granted.

Renesha herself is sort of...boring. She's not really a bad or good character- she has flaws of being greedy and a bit shallow when it comes to her character and she does wish to save other people- she's just not super interesting nor does she particularly move the plot forward. You could probably replace her with a really magical lamp in the first season and I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference in terms of impact on the story. The only thing she really does is cause the romantic plot to move along, but considering that is mostly based on misconceptions and hiding something that doesn't really need to be hidden is... one of my least favorite reasons for the basis of any plot, I wouldn't say she really does a whole lot.

As for Czeshmir, it's pretty obvious from the get go that he's going to be the yandere. He's too perfect in the eyes of Renesha and generally he's one of those too good to be true characters. You see it more after Rene confesses to Willard, especially since he gets seemingly jealous over Rene. Still, from what I can tell, it seems that Czeshmir is more interested in Rene's holy power rather than her herself, since from most interactions after her and WIllard get together, most of the things he talks about are specifically about her holy power and he doesn't seem to have a huge interest in her as a person. This makes me think he either only really cares about her because of her power or that he does like her but he's going to use her powers for something. If it's the former, then it's not very likely that Czeshmir will be a yandere since he would only care about her power, and if it's the former, then it probably still will be related to her holy power and possibly one of those "purity" yanderes (which I personally think isn't super interesting mostly because purity is a very vague concept), but that's just my guess anyways. I do think his interactions make the story more interesting, but we simply don't know his motives quite yet.

Willard does give off more possessive vibes initially, especially when she and Czeshmir are interacting, even yelling and getting angry at her from atop of a cliff. However, when she does confront him about this, he does his best to be more clear and less scary since he doesn't want to see her cry. Besides him being seen as generally scary though, his interactions with Rene are... pretty harmless actually. He's the one that helps end the war (through giant holy magic explosion) and seems to care about her quite a lot, which is why I think it's pretty strange that she still is somehow scared of him despite the fact that he has been nothing but kind towards her.

Shout out to the head knight that almost dies protecting Rene and his wife. If I were to read this for any reason, I would do it for them two because I love their relationship.

Personally I think this webcomic was just... okay. It's not really that interesting in my eyes, but it's not particularly horrible either. If you are interested give it a read, perhaps your opinion will differ from mine.

#male yandere #yandere #yandere boy #webcomic #ongoing #recommendation #a false confession

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #295: “... Beggars Would Ride!”

September, 1988

The DOMINATION of DRUID!

T. REX ROBOT??! =D

This issue continues the title from the previous Avengers issue making the whole thing the proverb “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.”

Why the hell is that the title?

I’m not unused to Avengers slapping some Culture into the book, either in allegorical titles or just stealing some prose to use as narration.

But what, specifically, does the proverb have to do with this issue and the previous issue?

I’m not going to get overly negative. I’m not. This issue has a robot T. Rex that’s probably a transformers reference. I’m just going to enjoy that.

I’m not even going to let Dr Fucking Druid ruin this for me!

Last times on Avengers: Namor’s wife Marrina turned into a sea monster, caused a lot of property damage and death, and then got stabbed in the head by Namor. She’s dead. Team leader Captain Marvel Monica Rambeau has lost her powers in a wacky mishap when she lightning’d the entire ocean instead of Marrina.

This all works out pretty well for Dr Druid, an asshole. He’s been influenced by Nebula Kang with sex and power fantasy and has been undermining Monica for a while now. But with her out of commission, Druid psychically forces the Avengers to vote him in as new leader of the team. The only dissenter is Thor  who nevertheless abides with the majority. But he’s side-eyeing Druid.

Nebula Kang probably has a plan for the Avengers although its unclear what and why.

But if its Nebula, no wonder she wanted to get Monica out of the picture after the way Monica dunked on during her spaceventure.

Anyway, robot dinosaurs.

Despite Marvel making Transformers comics around this time, these are not the Dinobots.

It is a Bad Future where robot dinosaurs rule the Earth.

Some human rebels are fighting back with a futuristic looking tank but they get cut off by a Roboceratops and then worse yet, attacked by a Mechanisaurus Rex!

But just when the rebels are about to scatter, the Mechanisaurus Rex freezes in place and vanishes in a flash of light.

With the big gun Mechanisaurus Rex vanished, the rebels rally and attack the six remaining Dinodroids.

What does this have to do with anything?

Not much.

This just happens to be the Bad Future Nebula Kang sourced an Avengers level threat from. She used Kang technology a stasis bridge to timeaport the Mechanisaurus Rex to modern day Earth-616 Washington DC.

The Mechanisaurus Rex has no idea what just happened but its robot sensors immediately tag everything around it as hostile and its robot mouth laser immediately starts dealing with hostiles.

Over at Hydrobase, the Avengers hold a meeting led by their new, ugh, leader, Dr Druid.

Dr Druid discusses that maybe they should reach out to some reserve members because they’re down to four people and one of them is Black Knight under a super curse.

While he does that, Thor wonders why the hell the other Avengers voted for Druid to be their leader.

Nebula Kang interrupts Dr Druid’s train of thought IN HIS MIND to tell him about the danger in Washington DC that she definitely didn’t cause.

Druid wonders what she’s doing on Earth and she reminds him that she said he would be the savior of Earth as well as her planet. So its fine. Definitely not suspicious.

Anyway, bad shit going down in Washington DC with a robot T. Rex. Shouldn’t Thor specifically go deal with it? Only Thor? Go deal with it? Doesn’t that sound like a good idea??

Apparently, from the outside of this mental conversation, Druid looks like he just kind of zoned out.

Dr Druid: “I have had a clairvoyant vision, and it will serve as a demonstration of why I am fit to lead the Avengers! There is something dangerous beyond belief rampaging through Washington DC! Thor! You must go there at once!”

She-Hulk asks why they don’t go as a team and Dr Druid says no that’s dumb, Thor can handle this danger beyond belief on his own.

He gives Thor a watch with a micro-transmitter in case he needs help and sends him on his way.

Thor does go but he’s still harboring his misgivings.

Thor: “But more and more do I sorely miss the steadfast company of my former teammates -- Captain America, Iron Man, and Hercules. They at least wore their hearts upon their sleeves, spoke their minds openly, and fought as warriors. Less and less do I trust Doctor Druid’s supposed psychic powers. They seem too unpredictable, too unaccountable.”

Meanwhile, for all that meanwhile means anything with Kangs, it’s Kangs.

Beard Kang offers Fred Kang full membership in the Council of Kross-Time Kangs in exchange for knowledge.

Fred Kang proposes trading knowledge for knowledge so Beard Kang admits that one of the purposes of the Council is to obtain the most powerful weapon in ALL THE OMNIVERSE.

An omniverse is obviously much cooler than a multiverse.

What’s more, that specific weapon is a part of the Earth-616 timeline - Fred Kang’s timeline - and that’s the reason why they wanted to recruit him. BUT: to obtain the weapon, they’ll also one day need the Avengers’ help.

So Fred Kang shares some information that the other Kangs don’t know. Nebula Kang has been messing with the contemporary Avengers of that Earth-616 timeline.

Beard Kang realizes that she must be trying to swipe the weapon out from under the Council’s noses and demands that she be found immediately. Meanwhile, several Kangs will go and root around in her room.

Speaking of Nebula Kang, she’s at a tricky part of her scheming. She set up a threat in Washington DC and got Dr Druid to send out only Thor to go fight it.

Now she needs to convince Dr Druid to leave Thor to die against the Mechanisaurus Rex.

Because Thor resisted her and Druid’s mental control and so he must be removed from the situation.

Dr Druid: “Does still more danger threaten?”

Blonde Nebula Kang: “Indeed, my love. But from an unexpected quarter. The danger, especially to you, is Thor. He failed to vote in your favor for chairmanship of the Avengers... he entertains doubts about you now... and what demigod would ever accept the leadership of any mortal? He is your greatest danger.”

Dr Druid: “Yes... yes... I see it clearly now. Thor will never make a good Avenger!”

YOU SURE WERE QUICK TO JUMP TO THAT.

Dr Druid seriously has no moral backbone to push back against Nebula Kang’s manipulations.

Thor arrives on the scene and decides that yes a robot T. Rex looks like a job for SuperThor!

Thor flies right at the Mechanisaurus Rex and hammers it in the neck.

Thor: “Back, machine of evil! Those whom you would destroy are under my protection. To attack them is to attack Thor!”

Mechanisaurus Rex: “PRIORITY TARGET ALERT! TARGET TRACK! TARGET LOCK! FIRE!”

And it blasts Thor out of the sky with a mouth laser.

Leading Thor to conclude

Thor: “By the eye of Odin, ‘tis more to this creature than meets the eye!”

Eyyyyy, I see what you did there!

Since hitting didn’t work, Thor tries his second move: all the lightning.

But it doesn’t leave a scratch.

Since the Mechanisaurus Rex is tough enough to tank Mjolnir and lightning and fast enough to tag Thor in reply... Thor decides that this is actually a job for the Avengers.

Not that he can’t fight this thing. But he’s worried about how much damage the Mechanisaurus Rex will do in the meantime.

Thor: “Whatever it is, yon beast of war has been cunningly wrought! Even now, it turns this way, seeking the son of Odin! Its destruction must be accomplished with utmost speed to minimize the damage to the city! And that may best be done by divers hands! The Avengers must be summoned!”

Back at Hydrobase, She-Hulk is pacing by the meeting table.

Dr Druid is off in one of his sex dream trances, Black Knight can barely move because of the turbo curse, and She-Hulk is antsy.

She’s antsy because Thor was sent off alone and she’s waiting to hear back about it. And she’s antsy because she’s second guessing voting Dr Druid for chairman. She doesn’t know what she was thinking!

(Because it wasn’t HER thinking.)

But the alarm goes off AOOUGAHH! AOOUGAHH! distracting her.

I love a good aoougahh! alarm.

But the alarm means Thor is calling for help.

She-Hulk runs to the Quinjet, calling for the others to assemble to help Thor!

... Except, eh. Why should they bother helping Thor? She-Hulk wonders. She’s-Hulk has never liked him anyway!

Except. These aren’t her thoughts. Dr Druid is putting words in her mouth.

And its so contrary to the spirit of being an Avenger that She(-Hulk) balks at them and decides to go help anyway! Because that’s what Avengers do!

So Druid has to get a little more forceful with her.

He’s forced to give the game away, basically.

Subtlety is out the window.

He mind whammies She-Hulk into sitting down so that the chair can restrain her.

Ummmm hey when the Avengers were building their new headquarters on Hydrobase, who signed off on BONDAGE CHAIRS?

Oh, right, I just remembered that Captain Marvel kept leaving Dr Druid alone to supervise construction.

A bad decision in hindsight. Oops!

Over at Thor, he’s having a tough time without backup and he’s kinda wondering where the hell the Avengers are.

The Mechanisaurus Rex’s blasts keep Thor at a distance so he can’t hit it with a decisive blow. But since its starting to threaten the people of Washington DC, Thor can’t wait for backup.

He summons a storm to distract the Mechanisaurus Rex and closes in so he can smash it in the head with Mjolnir. But it rams into a building to scrape him off. Then tries to use Tail Whip against him while he’s sprawled on the ground.

Thor flies up to the air to get some space but the Mechanisaurus Rex activates FEET JETS to chase.

Thor: “By the falcons of Freya! Yon beast hath the capability of flight! Truly, he is a formidable foe! But so is the son of Odin, god of thunder, enemy of frost giants! And no such construct shall match my speed!”

Thor hammer tosses himself into the Mechanisaurus Rex midair and deals a mighty KERWHACK!

The dinobot falls but suddenly regains flight. Thor was pretty sure he felt the dinobot’s mechanisms break during the mighty KERWHACK so now he knows it can self-repair. And pretty quickly too!

Thor: “No single blow will win the battle! My foe is like a great warrior! So deadly is he that only when he is reduced to atoms will his fighting spirit be stilled forever! So be it! To the death, mine enemy! TO THE DEATH!”

Thor has some rad battle boasts.

MEANWHILE... or whatever you say when its outside of time.

The Kangs search Nebula Kang’s Kang quarters and find a lot of other Kang technology, from Kang Ransom and Kang Kong. There’s some suspicion at first that they’re traitors working with her until Beard Kang finds a book recording all the technology Nebula Kang acquired and from who.

Beard Kang: “We Kangs of the Kross-Time Kang Korps have jealously guarded our respective technologies so that no one member would acquire an unfair advantage over the others. It seems that Kang Nebula has made the acquaintance of any number of our member Kangs... who apparently have made gifts to her of their respective technologies!”

One of the Kangs insists that Nebula Kang stole the technology from him, that he didn’t give it freely but Beard Kang just verbally rolls his eyes that yeah, sure, his guard was down. Really doesn’t matter now!

IN THE CURRENT MEANWHILE, at Hydrobase.

Dr Druid tells She-Hulk to settle down, clearly she can’t break the chair restraints. Because they’re strong. And because he’s using PSYCHIC POWERS to keep her from exerting herself.

She-Hulk asks why the hell Dr Druid is doing this and he answers that HE CAN SEE THE FUCHURE. Only Avengers can stop vague bad thing that’s going to happen.

Black Knight has apparently been paying attention because he decides Dr Druid is nuts and he’s gonna bail.

He worries that his cursed body is too slow to beat Dr Druid before he can psychic Black Knight. So he’s just going to sneak out while Dr Druid is monologuing at She-Hulk.

Unfortunately, cursed Black Knight is clumsy and his exoskeleton audibly scrapes against something, aggroing Dr Druid.

Dr Druid: “Oh, no, Dane! No one leaves without consulting the chairman! Come back! AT ONCE!”

Druid waves his hands and probably uses his PSYCHIC to prevent Black Knight from reaching the ignition switch.

Dr Druid: “We shall save the universe! Whether you want to or not! The Avengers are mine!”

I’m really surprised that Druid tipped his hat so quickly. Then again, I’m glad I don’t have to suffer through obviously evil Druid manipulating the Avengers for longer than I have to.

Then again again, heck, maybe there’s a good if aggravating story here if it was given time to play out.

Eh.

Anyway, She-Hulk kicks Dr Druid’s ass.

Ahhhh. Cathartic.

And it is known that its hard to psychic when your coccyx is shattered. So Dane is able to blast off in a Quinjet.

Nebula Kang appears in a great PLATHAAP! to berate Dr Druid for letting Black Knight get away.

Dr Druid is confused how his manic pixie sex dream girl can be here (and probably also why she swears “in the name of Thanos.”) She swiftly dials back, claims she’s “as real, as warm as you want me to be.”

Blonde Nebula Kang: “And I did promise that I would come to you in your world, didn’t I?”

Dr Druid: “Yes.”

Blonde Nebula Kang: “And that is what you wanted, wasn’t it?”

Dr Druid: “Yes.”

Blonde Nebula Kang: “And with my help, we are going to save the universe.”

Dr Druid: “yes.”

Blonde Nebula Kang: “Now, with the Black Knight gone, thinking all sorts of wrong thoughts... don’t you think you should locate him... and Thor?”

Dr Druid: “yes.”

She zaps him into a trance so he can go astral project or whatever.

She-Hulk puts two and two together and realizes that Blonde Nebula Kang is responsible for the trances Dr Druid has been going into.

Blonde Nebula Kang: “Mystics are always the easiest  ones to fool. So many dreams, so little reality. But you’re the one we have to worry about next.”

She-Hulk: “I’m a lawyer, sweetheart. They don’t get much realer than that.”

Blonde Nebula Kang: “You must be kidding, ‘honey.’ All lawyers ever do is split hairs; they wouldn’t know a real barber if they saw one!”

Nebula has a lot of opinions about lawyers apparently.

Anyway, Black Knight’s Quinjet homes in on the beacon in the little watch Dr Druid gave Thor.

(Why give him a real working one? Why not secretly turn off the radio so nobody heard his distress call? Why are you so bad at being the villain, Druid?)

Black Knight sees Thor and the Mechanisaurus Rex grappling in the air and switches the Quinjet to hover.

But he can’t open the hatch to jump out and help. His cursed fingers are too stiff!

Then an art error occurs!

Black Knight says his hand is cutting through the hatch but we see the Ebony Blade doing the cutting.

Anyway, he falls out of the Quinjet. Good decision making, Black Knight.

But he falls right toward the Mechanisaurus Rex.

Black Knight: “There’s no time to think! No time to save myself! For Thor! For England! And Good King Richard!”

Black Knight slices through the Mechanisaurus Rex’s head with the Ebony Blade... but where his body hits the giant robot dinosaur skull, it also cuts. Like his body is sharp like a blade now.

What a weird curse.

Dane plummets into the water below. Can’t tell how high he fell from but he doesn’t of it.

He might have drowned because cursed body too stiff to swim. But Thor swoops down and yanks him from the water pretty quickly.

Black Knight can barely speak after the ordeal but he whispers out that Dr Druid tried to prevent him from coming. And Thor is like ‘I FUCKIN KNEW HE WAS SKETCHY.’

Also, just touching Dane’s arm cuts Thor’s hand so he starts bleeding.

Thor: “Woe to him who wields the Ebony Sword. For I do fear that this is part of its deadly curse made flesh. Dane’s form hath begun to merge with his armor! And now see! He is dangerous to the very touch!”

Thor carries Black Knight to an ambulance but warns them not to touch him.

Don’t know how they’re going to do medicine on him but whatever.

Back at Hydrobase, Dr Druid comes out of his trance and reports what happened. He suspects that Thor will return to Hydrobase and probably demand that they have words.

She-Hulk: “Thor was always too arrogant for my tastes anyway! And too dangerous! We’ll just have to give him a welcome he won’t forget!”

Oh no! Jen, no! Your lawyer brain failed you!

Follow @essential-avengers​ because this going places. Bad places maybe. But maybe good. Like, reblog, and share your thoughts. I’m lonely down here in the italics.

#avengers #essential avengers #Mechanisaurus Rex #Dr Druid #Nebula Kang #Nebula #She Hulk #Thor #Black Knight #what a goofy story #i enjoyed the parts with the robot dinosaur and Dr Druid's coccyx being shattered #essential marvel liveblogging

[mdhwrites]

10 Years In And My Biggest Mistake As a Writer

I let my writing fear the void all of me is terrified of.

This isn't going to be a fun one about cancelled works or bad ideas. This is your reminder that I've been a writer for ten years. I've been in therapy for 8 3/4s and depressed for roughly half a year before that. But if I look upon the failures of me as a writer, especially with how I am now, it's kind of impossible to ignore.

I fear silence in all things. I compulsively check everywhere I post when I post because my brain is terrified of having done something wrong. For this to be when I lose everything because of a mistake. It perceives everything I do as a mistake waiting to collapse in on itself. I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and that's just kind of a part of that. I am a MUCH more scared person than I probably come across as in these blogs.

With my writing though... The only fanfics I've written since getting on Ao3, with the exception of one I want to convert still, I haven't posted are because I have to brace myself when I post my works and for these works, I just never found the strength despite liking them. It was so bad at one point that I would be in essentially meltdown mode for an entire day after posting something because of the standards my brain had for what should be a success. What even could be a success. What meant that the work had not been thrown into the void.

What meant the time had not been a waste and only done more damage. And yes, this has affected my content. I've talked in my Discord about how it's MUCH harder for me to even consider writing erotica because that's not the audience I have. I know if I made a big erotic work again and was really open about it, pushed it like my other books, I would lose a not insignificant amount of people with 'NSFW DNI' in their bios. The silence I'd get is almost as terrifying as the backlash I'd potentially get, even if I have ALWAYS had this twin nature to my writing.

So how do I ever fight that? Well... Essentially with manic energy. I have described most of my books as having been written in sprints. These periods where an idea is so strong in my head that it fills the void. I don't hear it because ALL of my being needs to be working on the project. I have trouble doing literally anything else and just work and work until the story is done. Of course, any crack during these time periods becomes MUCH worse as it's holding back the void, not eliminating it. My worst nights always come when I'm manic.

And in terms of my analytical blogs, well... There's a reason I do TOH mostly. I can get emotional enough talking about TOH that even if it doesn't always come across in the blog, that annoyance and anger manages to block out the void as well. To help me remember that I know what I'm talking about and can do something with that fact, just like I know I'm a good writer who people enjoy when my inspiration for a story takes hold. But have you ever wondered why I don't do more blogs for Star Rail? I just feel so much more uncertain, for a lot of reasons, when it comes to my opinions with that game and don't usually have the fervor to help coalesce those into something more concrete or strong enough to get on the page without panicking and shelving it.

And I want to make something clear about all of this: It is good to understand your audience. It's good to be open and inviting to criticism so as to make yourself better at what you do. You shouldn't let that make you afraid to do what you want to do. You should meet your creative passions with the enthusiasm of a fanfic writer just wanting to explore the thing they love, regardless of reaction or attention or reward. You should be happy to be cringe in your creation as that will set you free.

I just wish I knew how to make it so my mind could accept that wisdom instead of saying, "Okay but not for you."

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#Writing #Depression

[mcgnussen]

Hi I have a stupid question, and I hope you can help me. So I see a lot of hate for Haas, Guenther and Gene on social media, but I don't really understand why. Sure there have been some issues in the team with Mick, bit I haven't seen anything out of line or malicious.

I've mostly seen Mick fans wish destruction on Haas and their team principal, but no real reason as to why. But my understanding is also that there is a lot of bad press from sky Germany on Haas, to the point of spreading false information to their viewers on the treatment of Mick and Kevin at Haas, eg. The recent qualifying were they said that Kevin godt slick tires before Mick, so it had to be debunked by Twitter.

Maybe I'm just reaching, but I just don't understand the need to harass a team that essentially gave Mick his first seasons at f1 and might even continue to do so.

thank you for your question! i was debating whether to make a post about it, but i really like your question, so i will use this to make the post. below is my full answer to this. i will tag mick since it's relevant but be advised, it might not be the most pleasant reading for hardcore mick fans.

long story short: haas is a no bullshit team, guenther is a very warm but also brutally honest man who expects the best from you. he has a temper. but this has been the case since 2016 with every driver the team has had. if you mess up, he will tell you. if you do a good job, he will also tell you. i know kevin appreciates this because as he says "you know where you have him", which is a stark contrast to other team principals who will tell you one thing only to suddenly stab you in the back.

i think some mick fans misunderstand guenther. because he is so honest, sometimes to a fault, they believe other teams would not treat mick the same. i can assure you other teams would likely do something even worse, which would be that they would praise mick and then drop him without much warning. personally, i would like to know where i can improve and be quite clear about my chances to keep my seat.

one of the biggest reasons kevin accepted the haas seat was because of guenther. they work well together and they understand each other. kevin has said multiple times that guenther cares a lot about all the employees and that he knows everything about everyone but in a good way. he will talk the same way to you, no matter if you are part of the cleaning staff, an engineer or a driver. guenther is not a horrible person, he is not mean. he is honest with a temper. he can say some brutal stuff in the heat of the moment, but he will always apologise for it afterwards.

i personally believe haas is no place for rookies - and i think that's alright. mick and m*zepin were their first rookies, and i think they will be their last. guenther wants people to perform immediately. which is totally fine, but not something that can be expected of rookies.

i will also say haas has been getting some unnecessary flack from mick stans. every time he does not do well, they blame it on strategy. sometimes mick doesn't get the job done, and other times the car just does not have the pace, many times it's also down to bad luck. but i understand why it can be easier to just blame the team instead of the circumstances.

haas is a small team, they have always struggled a little with strategy, it happens to both of their drivers. they make mistakes, it's annoying and frustrating, but that comes with being a small team. mick has mainly been in prema before this, a large team in the respective feeder series, so i think his fans have gotten quite a shock seeing the reality of what it is like being a driver for a small team in f1.

during the start of summer i believe, sky germany basically did an interview with guenther where they forced him to comment on mick's performance despite him not wanting to. they really went over the line in that interview and guenther got angry and then finally said his opinion about mick. this was earlier on in the year where mick was not good, so of course, he could not say positive things. he did not say anything horrible, just that they were not happy with mick crashing that much, and then all the mick stans ran with that and made it seem like guenther bullied mick. since then, it's just been non-stop both from the stans and guenther & gene. sky germany opened a can of worms that day, which probably has not been in mick's favour.

should guenther and gene have said some of the things they did publicly? probably not. have the media and fans been absolutely hounding them about mick at any given opportunity? yes. were the things guenther & gene said false? no. mick has cost the team a lot of money due to crashing, money haas cannot afford to spend on repairs when they needed to develop the car. mick's crashes caused a bottleneck to happen at the factory which delayed their upgrades, so they have had very real consequences. mick has cost haas close to 5 million dollars by crashing all on his own, kevin has cost them close to 400k. there is a huge difference there. mick also topped the sheet of most expensive damage done last year, so it's not a one-off, which is what seems to concern haas the most.

and i know, haas has cost him some points, but haas has also cost kevin plenty of points and he has still managed to get points in 9 races compared to mick getting points in 2 races. and kevin has even suffered more mechanical dnfs than mick during the season. and he would maybe have scored points at interlagos, but unfortunately, daniel ruined all chances of that.

some mick stans went way too far on social media, they even went so far that the admin several times put them in their place. like haas has not been allowed to make a single post about kevin without comments like the one you see below. haas is much more than mick schumacher. they were a team before him - and they will be a team after him. no driver is bigger than the team. mick stans have really pushed the narrative that haas never praise him, which is just not true, as can easily be proved by reading the race reports they do after the races. guenther even highlighted mick's great performance in the sprint despite the interviewer only asking about kevin.

and then there have been all the posts about them favouring kevin, which has just been such bullshit. as you pointed out, they even lied about kevin getting pulled in first to get slicks on during the qualification. haas favours the driver most likely to get points. there have been plenty of times when mick has been called in to pit first and where it has benefitted him. and it has been fair because he was ahead at the time, one of the times it even cost kevin points, but he did not complain about it even once. the mick stans have criticised haas for playing it too safe, for being too risky, for splitting the strategy etc. despite all these things being normal in a team. i think the best example of this was austin. kevin drove almost 40 laps on tyres that were supposed to last 20 laps, he was the only one of the twenty drivers to do this. it was an insane strategy that should not have worked. mick was on the strategy with the most probability of working. and yet some mick stans absolutely tore haas to shreds over it, saying they favoured kevin, but if kevin's plan had failed (yes, he was the one who came up with it) then mick fans would have been pleased. but this is the thing, no one can predict everything in formula 1. haas as a team has been so fucking unlucky, it's actually been almost comical, and of course, this has also affected kevin and mick. it's a shame but it's not the fault of haas that they have been screwed by a safety car 5 times this season, it's out of their hands. as i said, haas has made mistakes, but both drivers have suffered because of it.

and finally, no driver is owed anything by f1 teams. this sport is brutal. if you want proof of that, go read up on kevin's time in mclaren. believe me, it will show you just how merciless f1 is. but in the end, it is the team who pays them wages, the team who gives them a rare opportunity in f1, and the team who suffers from the mistakes they make. we can have opinions about the drivers, but we cannot say haas owe a driver a seat. they are allowed to choose whoever they want to fill their seats. do i think mick is a good driver? yes, i do. he has really improved throughout the season and i believe he will probably find his way back into f1 at some point. but he is not the right fit for haas and i'm pretty sure they will announce that he will be replaced by hulkenberg. and i am sad as i will miss kevin and mick being buddies. i doubt he will have as much fun with nico, but i will not miss all the undeserved hate towards haas and kevin.

#haas f1 team #kevin magnussen #mick schumacher #formula 1 #f1

[lifeofkaze]

A Search for Balance

CHAPTER 21: REGRETS

Find the masterlist with all chapters of this story here, the previous chapter here, and the next one here.

Tagging: @flareshogwarts

Warning: alcohol, language

By the time Lizzie had made her way to the training grounds, her sense of peace had been replaced with a profound feeling of guilt. 

She might have been able to blame sleeping with Orion on a mixture of emotions and alcohol, but that excuse had faded the moment she had kissed him the morning after. It didn’t matter which way she looked at it - she had consciously cheated on Matthew, and what was worse, she wasn’t even regretting it. 

Lizzie wished she had someone to discuss her thoughts with, but it wasn't like she could trust any of her teammates with such a compromising piece of information. There was Skye, but asking her to keep a secret from her father wasn’t something Lizzie wanted to do. Having no other option, she decided that it was probably best to let sleeping Crups lie for now. 

Matthew seemed to have come to a similar conclusion. He had appeared at Lizzie's door the evening after their fight, a bottle of expensive wine and a bouquet of red roses in hand. After a moment’s hesitation, Lizzie had let him inside, but his kiss had left a bad taste in her mouth.

Ever since then, something between them seemed to have shifted. Lizzie couldn't forget the way Matthew had gripped her shoulder, on which the bruise he had left was only now beginning to fade. She longed for some time alone to sort out her thoughts, but somehow, Matthew always found an excuse to stay by her side. 

With his watchful eyes on her, Lizzie didn't get the chance to speak to Orion alone. She had promised him an answer to his question, but was still none the wiser about what it was that she actually wanted. She felt guilty for cheating on Matthew - even more so because she hadn't told him the truth - but having Orion think that she was regretting their night together after all made her feel more miserable than anything else. 

The rest of November went by, and by the beginning of December, Lizzie's inner turmoil had begun to seep into her performance on the pitch. She couldn't have chosen a worse time for a slump; winning the Wanderers' upcoming match against the Kenmare Kestrels - third and second in the League, respectively - was essential, and Ethan was making sure his players wouldn’t forget about it. Their practice sessions were brutal, and so exhausting that not even the prospect of the club's annual Christmas party could excite Lizzie anymore. 

The party was usually something everyone was looking forward to. This year, however, Lizzie found it to be a rather dull affair. Her and Matthew's seats were at a different table from Orion and Skye, which, given the whole situation, was probably for the better. Still, Lizzie found her eyes wandering to Orion more often than not, and watching Morgaine flutter her lashes at him made her feel more on edge than Matthew's hand on her leg did anyway.

When the formal part of the evening was over, Lizzie took the first chance to excuse herself to the bathroom. On her way there, Skye caught up with her. 

"Oi, Jameson," she called out, following Lizzie through the door into the bathroom. "Not in the mood to party?"

Lizzie pulled a face. "Am I that obvious?"

"You look like you'd rather do broomstick pull-ups than be here. What's the matter? Is it Yarwood again? I swear, she couldn't drool more over Orion if she tried."

Lizzie had a mind to agree but instead mumbled, "I'm just tired, okay? Practice has been tough, and Matthew keeps telling me to stand straight instead of complaining about these." 

She pointed at her precariously high heels that elongated her legs beautifully and made every step feel like needles were pricking the soles of her feet. 

"Feel you," Skye said sympathetically, eyeing her own heels with disgust. "How about we get out of here?"

Lizzie snorted. "I doubt my watchdog will let me go."

Skye's look of surprise made way for a mischievous chuckle. "Is that a bit of sense coming back to you?" Her eyes flashing, she lowered her voice. "Just your luck that I know exactly what we need to do." 

When they returned to the party, Skye was leaning heavily on Lizzie's arm, complaining rather indistinctly about the Montrose Magpies, Erika Rath, or a combination of the two. Lizzie openly rolled her eyes when Matthew left his conversation with Morgaine to see if she needed any help.

"I’ll go and fetch our coats. We’d better get her home," Matthew said after Lizzie had filled him in on the situation, but Lizzie shook her head.

"Stay," she smiled, hoping it wouldn't look as forced as it felt. She discreetly nodded at the table where Ethan was sitting with a few of the executives. "What was it you always say? No better business opportunity than a party."

Matthew gave her a dubious look. "I guess so."

"Great, here's your chance then. See you later." 

Before he could object, she gave him a peck on the lips and pulled Skye from the bustling room. They Disapparated with Skye clinging to Lizzie’s arm, but as soon as they reappeared inside their living room, she stood up straight again and stretched her arms above her head.

"If I don't get a prize for this performance, I'll be a Clabbert's uncle."

"It was very convincing," Lizzie agreed, kicking her shoes off her feet and pulling the pins from her updo. "Makes me wonder if all the times you forgot to do your homework were actually real."

"Only about half of them," Skye shrugged. She unceremoniously pulled her dress over her head and exchanged it with the first pair of sweatpants she found on the floor of the laundry room. "Fancy a nightcap?"

"That you even need to ask." 

While Skye scoured the kitchen for something to drink, Lizzie went to her room to get changed. Gathering her hair in a loose ponytail and securing it with a bright yellow scrunchie, she felt more like herself than she had the whole evening. She was in the process of rummaging through her drawers for her favourite black jumper when Skye shouted to her from downstairs.

"Do you want some mulled wine?"

"Is any of the cherry one still left?" Lizzie called back, making Mouse, who had been wrapping around her ankles, jump. 

From below, the sound of bottles clinking together could be heard. "No, you finished that the other day."

"I'll have whatever then."

When Lizzie entered the kitchen, Skye had already heated the mulled wine. She weighed the bottle of rum standing next to the stove in her hand and, after a brief moment of consideration, added a generous swig to each mug before handing one to Lizzie.

"How much did you put in there?" Lizzie coughed after her first sip.

Skye sniggered. "Don't be a sissy, you can do with some loosening up. You looked like someone shot you a Body-Binding Curse at the party."

"That dress had the same effect," Lizzie muttered as she and Skye settled on the sofa in front of the fireplace. 

"It looked bloody uncomfortable alright. What even made you wear that?"

Lizzie raised her eyebrows as she blew against her drink. "Have a guess."

"Can't even choose your own clothes now, can you? Wait until after the wedding and you're gonna have to ask permission to go to the loo by yourself." Skye rolled her eyes. "What's up McRae’s arse anyway these days? He's always been a stuck up twat, but he's been uber-controlling, even for his standards. I wonder why," she added, magically refilling her mug from the cauldron in the kitchen. "Not like he's got competition or something."

Lizzie almost choked on her drink. Over her violent coughing, she saw Skye's brows shoot upwards.

"It wasn't that much rum, you know?" Skye said. She narrowed her eyes. "Wait a second. Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Not at all," Lizzie replied, maybe a little bit too quickly. 

"No, I know that face you’re making right now. You're hiding something."

"I’m really not.”

"I covered for you so we could get away from the party. You owe me, Jameson." Skye gave her a sharp look. "If your secret is why you suck at practice these days, you're gonna tell me right now." 

Lizzie opened her mouth in protest. "I don't suck at practice!"

"Dad wants us to nail the Quaffle Cutback against the Kestrels, but you keep chickening out every bloody time. Not much use in doing all that faff if you're too scared to jump off your broomstick. As if Orion ain’t gonna catch you and…" 

Skye tailed off as realisation hit her. "Oh, for Godric's sake. This ain't about him again, is it? I thought we were over this 'you broke my heart, I hate you’-thing!" 

Lizzie shifted uncomfortably. "Well, we are."

"Then what is it?"

"I told you, it's nothing. Right, it's really late and -" 

Lizzie had risen from the sofa but Skye caught her by the sleeve and pulled her back down. 

"Spill it," she demanded, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I got all night, just so you know."

Lizzie sighed in defeat. "Remember the fight I had with Matthew?"

"After he snooped through your stuff? He’s such a wanker."

"Don't call him that," came Lizzie's automatic response, but it was half-hearted at best. "I didn't know what to do with myself after he left, so I wandered around a little. Nowhere in particular, really, just to clear my head."

Skye looked pointedly at the clock on the wall. "Get to the point, will you?"

"I thought we had all night."

"Aren’t you funny."

"Anyway, I don't know how or why it happened, but eventually, I ended up at Orion's place."

Skye's brows shot up towards her hairline. "Now, there's a twist for you. Do you want me to get us some popcorn?"

"This is serious, Skye."

"Yeah, sorry. Go on."

"Thanks. I was all over the place, and Orion managed to calm me down a little," Lizzie continued. "We had some Firewhiskey and talked about Matthew and eventually he told me the reason why he left. I was really, really upset after." 

Skye clapped her hand to her forehead. "Oh, Merlin. You did something stupid, didn't you? How stupid are we talking?"

Lizzie didn't reply, but the mixture of misery and guilt crossing her features was enough. With an exasperated groan, Skye threw her hands in the air.

"Have you lost your bloody mind? I thought you'd be cleverer than shagging your ex."

"Look who's talking," Lizzie muttered, prompting Skye to vigorously shake her head.

"Exactly! I know how messy that shit gets. It’s always more trouble than it's fun, trust me. Does Matthew know about it?"

"Are you mad?"

"And Orion? What does he have to say about this?"

Lizzie shrugged helplessly. "He told me he'd be fine with whatever I want to make of it."

"And what do you want to make of it?" 

"If only I knew," Lizzie sighed, turning her mug between her hands, "and I can't figure it out while Matthew is watching me like a hawk either. There's what I should want, and it's different from what I actually want, even though I'm not sure if that's only because I don't want what I have. And on top of all, there's the team rules, which make everything even worse." She let her head slump against the back of the sofa. "It's all such a mess!" 

"It's a proper mess alright," Skye said, suddenly sounding gruff. "That's really not what was supposed to be happening."

Lizzie frowned. "What do you mean, that wasn't what’s supposed to be happening?" 

"I knew from the moment you first put on that necklace of yours after he'd left that you weren’t done with Orion. That's the whole reason I made Dad bring him back. I remember the time when Quidditch was the most important thing to you, and I thought having him here would get your head back in the game. That's who you are, Jameson,” Skye declared fiercely. “You don't belong at ditzy events, hanging from someone's arm in a frilly dress and uncomfortable shoes. You belong with us, on the pitch. All I wanted was to show it to you before it’d be too late."

"Are you kidding me?" Lizzie called out, disbelief heavy in her voice. "You used me and my history with Orion so I would be of more use to the Wanderers? Have you lost your mind? You had no right to do that," she added bitterly.  

"This is about the Wanderers, and that gives me every right!"

"There's more to life than bloody Quidditch!" Lizzie snapped. "And you're doing everything you can to ruin mine right now!"

"I am ruining your life?" Skye snorted. "Not like you're smashing it on that front all by yourself. How can't you see it? You're not yourself anymore, haven't been since that knobhead walked into your life. We used to be best mates, you and I, and now I don't even recognise you anymore."

"People change, Skye. It’s called growing up."

"Aye, and I had hoped I could change you back. Liked you a lot better how you were, and I think you did, too." Skye rose to her feet in an abrupt motion. "Not sure if there's a way back for you anymore, though."

Lost for words, Lizzie watched as Skye slammed her mug on the coffee table and stormed away. Her throat suddenly felt parched, so she took a sip of her now cold wine, but the taste only made her want to gag. Now that Skye was gone, Lizzie felt all the mental and physical exhaustion of the past few weeks finally taking a toll on her.  

Falling back into the sofa cushions, she watched how the light from the fireplace reflected in the ornaments on the Christmas tree. They were made to look like tiny golden Snitches and red Quaffles, and she and Skye had had a good time putting them up. On one of the miniature broomsticks sitting between the baubles a beetle crawled, but Lizzie was too drained to get up and carry it outside. 

She sat like this until the fire had burned down, thoughts circling around her head. Most of her close friends had scattered after graduating, and somehow it had only been her and Skye who had been left behind. It had only been them since then, and now her closest friend thought that she wasn’t herself anymore. The idea made Lizzie indescribably sad.

Skye's words were still nagging at her when she eventually got up to go to bed. Her body was aching, her head swimming from exhaustion and the mulled wine. But even though she was tired to the bone, sleep refused to find her. Lizzie lay awake, knowing that Matthew would return from the party soon, and the prospect filled her with a strange sort of reluctance. 

Her eyes wandered to the window looking out over the garden. She had been too tired to close the curtains earlier, and now a silver ray of moonlight fell into her room. Lizzie watched it, burying her fingers in Mouse's soft fur, who was sleeping nestled against her stomach. 

When she heard Matthew enter her room shortly after, Lizzie quickly closed her eyes, pretending to be fast asleep. Once his breathing had become deep and steady, she moved as far away from him and the uncomfortable heat he was emitting as her bed would allow.

In a way, Skye was right, she thought to herself as she fixed her eyes on the moonbeam once more. Deep inside her heart, Lizzie knew that things had changed. She had changed. 

She felt Matthew's breath brush over her neck and pulled her shoulders up. Maybe it was time to act accordingly.

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #harry potter hogwarts mystery #quidditch #orion amari #orion amari x mc #lizzie jameson #skye parkin #balance series #search for balance #sfb

[trailerparkbubbs]

Ok obviously I love Bubbles but the relationship between Ricky and Julian is the core of the show and I think it stops working when it forgets that.

Their dynamic in the early seasons is what sets up their main internal and external conflicts. Julian is driven and ambitious and he wants to make a life for himself. He has plans to go to school, to move out of the park, to start a legit business and be successful. But everyone keeps putting the onus on him to take care of Ricky and (perhaps more importantly) Trinity, and he repeatedly has to sacrifice his own wants in order to do so. Season one ends with Julian making a big sacrifice for Ricky's sake – willingly going back to jail and destroying his relationship with Candy in the process.

Ricky is rash and temperamental and not very smart, but he's also self-aware, insecure, and loving and he really sees and appreciates how much Julian does for him, and genuinely wants to do better for Julian's sake, as well as the sake of his family. When Julian gives Ricky the Shitmobile, he tries to play it cool while Ricky hugs him and repeatedly says how much he loves him; in I'm Not Gay I Love Lucy Wait Maybe I Am Gay (aka the best Ricky/Julian episode of all time), Ricky drunkenly apologizes for fucking up, acknowledges that Julian is always "coming to his rescue", and again reiterates how much he loves him while Julian tries to play it cool.

While both characters do shitty things and make mistakes, they're ultimately both facing very sympathetic plights in the early seasons, and we can understand their motivations even when they're doing "bad" things.

The natural progression of this is that they start to resent each other. Julian gets frustrated with feeling like Ricky is holding him back, and begins to act more selfishly and get more jaded and bitter. Ricky gets fed up with Julian being "better" than him (tougher, smarter, even more attractive to Ricky's girlfriend and a caretaker to his daughter) when Julian hasn't been any more successful than Ricky, and starts challenging him more and acting less vulnerable towards him. This is essentially put into words in Countdown to Liquor Day, when Ray tells Ricky to stop putting all his time and energy into achieving Julian's goals instead of his own.

Unfortunately, maybe because of the huge hiatus in the middle of the show, it feels like we lose track of why Ricky and Julian have become the later-seasons versions of themselves. Instead, we just watch them get worse, and grow further apart, while also hugging and saying "I love you" at the end of every episode. Rock bottom is when Julian co-opts Trinity's wedding money, something season one Julian would never have done. And then he doesn't fix it – the problem gets magically written away, and he doesn't have to change his behaviour.

By the last couple seasons, Ricky and Julian's relationship seems to have completely fallen apart. Ricky is no longer appreciative of Julian taking care of him, and nor should he be – because Julian isn't taking care of him, he's acting in his own self-interest, no matter the collateral damage. The only reason they're still trying to be best friends is because Bubbles keeps demanding they stay together. When Julian leaves between seasons ten and eleven, Ricky gets his shit together, starts a legit business with Bubbles, and starts actually improving. Julian becomes a fisherman (although he is stealing lobsters) and gets a chance to make his own way without having to be responsible for Ricky. Both of them are, pretty clearly, better without each other – and something I wish they had addressed in season eleven is that things would have been better for everyone if Julian hadn't come back.

Things are still bad in season twelve; they get dragged into each other's messes, they commit crimes for each other's sake after attempting to go straight, and they hate each other's romantic partners. On Julian's part, this makes sense – Susan fucking sucks – but on Ricky's part it's the latest occurrence of his longstanding jealously towards every romantic relationship Julian has, and essentially just another way in which their friendship is destructive.

We're going to skip past the animated seasons for now because somehow, miraculously, in the Jail series something different happens: the show course-corrects. We get to see Ricky and Julian without Bubbles constantly present. Ricky gets in a bad place, and suddenly Julian is back to being responsible for him: talking him down at the behest of the guards who clearly know that dealing with Ricky is Julian's job not theirs; yelling at Terry when he gives Ricky dangerous makeshift drugs; doing everything he can to sneak weed in so that Ricky will stop putting himself in danger. When Ricky is lucid, he gives Julian a typically over-the-top grateful monologue, while Julian plays it off. They still bicker and disagree, but their relationship dynamic seems to be heading back towards season one – and contrary to most shows, that might actually be a step in the right direction.

#tpb #trailer park boys #sorry if i've said this exact thing before