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#it does not surprise me they are aware of a lot of things they have to wait to correct…
exopelagic · 3 months
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honk shoo.
#but yeah sleepy.#i have so much to do these next few days I’m gonna die#meanwhile I just wanna see my friends#the good thing is that some of the busy things involve seeing my friends but goddamn why are almost all of them hard#also YES I’m going to be dumb and gay again bc a) why shouldn’t I b) nobody can stop me#I’m being dumb and gay again.#now seen The Guy twice since I’ve been back and he’s very cool#still feel like I’m being insane god idk what I’m doing#I hope he comes tomorrow bc he can’t make the meeting which means he won’t be on committee which sucks bc he did want to#OH but I did mean to tell him there was one role he could go for and have a good shot at that I think he’d be good for#only problem is if he doesn’t come tomorrow I can’t tell him in time bc I don’t have any way to message him other than email#(which feels slightly creepy bc I only know it bc secretary and he’s never explicitly said his surname so it’s just inferred from the list)#idk. the thing that gets me is we are very much friends now. like early stages of friends but we keep talking at hockey#and importantly he keeps coming To Me which keeps surprising me bc he does it more than any of my other friends#but I guess I’m also coming to him kinda a lot too. self awareness falls when around cute boy you get how it is#god it’s so unfair why is he like this#I finished getting my skates off before he did yesterday which gave me a very good opportunity to Look while he was talking#and have it not be weird and he’s just very pretty. he’s got a rlly nice nose#i always feel insane pointing out noses it’s the Draw speaking bc I use noses as a focal point and they’re fun to draw#tbh it’s unlikely I will say someone does Not have a nice nose but idk let me have this. it would be fun to draw is maybe what I mean#and I hadn’t noticed before bc the like bridge? and uhh like. base? idk nose words but they don’t match#the bridge is super long and on the thin side w a bump like mine but the like bottom is much rounder and wider and I don’t see that mix much#he also just has rlly nice hair it’s super curly and he’s in that like weird light brown purgatory where it’s all different colours#like it’s mostly light brown but some bits look rlly dark and some especially at the ends is like almost blonde and it changes w the light#god he also keeps doing this dumb fucking thing where he’s trying to skate while squatting all the way and it’s ridiculous#he looks like a spider folding in on itself and the worst part is he can fucking do it#he’s gotten so good at skating recently and I have a feeling he lives somewhere with an ice rink bc I’m sure he’s better than he was novembr#yeah I also got to just stand and watch him play yesterday and it’s so incredibly horribly unfair#anyway I’m too fucking gay and I will not let him escape me again tomorrow I Will get his instagram or smth bc I swear this man#luke.txt
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ironmanstan · 1 year
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So much work to do but im actually doing it which scares me more than the fact i have work to do and u can tell bc i keep fucking posting like this
#laid out all my sketches i needed.. updated my carrd projects list... finalized art piece.. sketched concept.. studied from art book#fucking insane. insane. so scary so scary.#like idk it is so weird i think being depressed mustve made my adhd so much worse ?? i couldve never done this before#everything is still hard and i have to genuinely push and will myself to even attempt working on anything but like#i have enough will to win and start ? i dont lose my focus as much when im in it and if i do i know to take a break bc im understimulated?#i still forget basic things and to do things a lot but i dont catastrophize about it as much i get upset and then just fix it..#its so weird did i just fucking learn to self regulate??? is that what i was missing this whole time ???????#u get punished for like lacking focus and self regulation and have a defeatist mindset bc doing anything = punishment#but then you break through that fear and just throw yourself in and make yourself do things and u can work WITH the adhd????#my parents fucking scammed me bro imagine if i had been raised and like helped instead of called worthless for everytime i fuck up#WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THIS AT ALMOST 19. STUPID STUPID STUPID#even my old therapists.. oh you have adhd maybe if you just change your diet you will function WOWWW SOOO HELPFUL#HOW DOES THAT HELP ME LEARN TO BE AWARE OF MY SELF AND NEEDS AND REGULATE THEM TO WORK WITH MY MENTAL HANDICAPS HUH. QUICKLY#stupid... i hate every adult in the world you are all useless and do nothing <- is an adult#its so crazy 2 me to function even a little... i guess i learned easily finally bc i self analyze way too much sometimes#but like i genuinely for years predicted id just like. go right back to being majorly suicidal or something in college#bc i could barely handle highschool or getting assignments done#now im meeting deadlines on the reg... like idk. i think it is such a rare and strange and kind of sick feeling#to know like young you would look at you and be surprised or shocked . and its so sad bc like idk.#its like oh i never believed in myself huh. or believed i could have a place in the world and function and be alright#and then u have to grieve all the time you spent never trying bc u didnt think trying without failing was possible like what the hell!!!#crazy...#the gamer speaks uwu
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ghost-with-a-teacup · 11 months
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𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐈𝐧 𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧
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Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x F!Reader
Summary: Everyone at HQ was convinced there was something going on between you and Miguel. Just...no one knew what. But one group of spiders were determined to figure it out.
Warnings: None! Just a lot of goofiness and a whole lot of fluff :3
When you have a superhuman with superior senses, they’re bound to be perceptive to their surroundings. Now when you have an entire lobby the size of multiple football fields filled with superhumans with superior senses, very few things will go unnoticed.
It’s why people very quickly realize that you and Miguel have…something between the two of you. It’s just that no one is quite sure what.
Camaraderie? Maybe, you were one of the first spiders to join the society.
Friendship? Perhaps, but it was known that Miguel wasn’t one to do friends. Not with the amount of loss he has gone through.
A relationship? This one seemed the most unplausible. Miguel was, well, Miguel. Stoick, cold and calculating. Meanwhile, you were you.
You had a light that drew people in, kindness that knew no bounds and warmth like a fire on a cold winter’s day.
Everyone knew the saying ‘opposites attract’, but it was like comparing night and day with the two of you. Regardless, a small little group within the society were set on trying to figure the two of you out.
~
“Ain’t no way the two are together, she’s too good for him!” Hobie argues, his legs kicked up on the table in front of him.
“I don’t know, maybe that’s why they work together. Because she makes him better?” Miles says, but his tone of voice failed to hide his skepticism.
“I think you should just leave the two of them be. Besides, what happens if you figure it out or not anyway?” Peter says, feeding Mayday as he does. Immediately a chorus of arguments breaks out from the group.
“OKAY! Okay, forget I asked,” he says with a shake of his head, while Mayday just laughs at the commotion.
They spot the two of you walking into the cafeteria making conversation none of them could make out.
“Look at them,” Gwen says, “have you ever seen the guy happier than he is with her?” she asks, and Hobie snorts.
“C’mon mate, you call that happy? Mans got that frown tattooed on his face, can he even be happy?” he says, but they all continue watching intently.
You glance over to the table they were surrounding, and they all brush off your gaze pretending as though they weren’t just studying the two of you like specimens under a microscope.
You wave your hand, a bright smile on your face while Miguel only glances over for a moment before continuing to walk. You jog to catch up to him, grabbing a tray and picking up things you wanted for lunch.
They watch as they see Miguel pick up the empanada, the last one left. He pauses for a split second, holding it before turning to place it on your tray. Almost as though they were straight out of a cartoon, they freeze at the interaction.
You seem to be slightly surprised as you, saying something to him but he only brushes you off before continuing on.
“Did…that just happen?” Pavitr asks. Everyone at HQ was aware of Miguel’s fondness for the food (even if he did hurl one right at Miles when they first met), there was no way he would give one away so easily for just anyone, right?
“Somebody pinch me,” Gwen says, and Hobie jumps at the request.
“OW!”
~
Miguel never lets anyone help him out when he’s injured. That was just a known fact. He could walk into HQ battered and bruised and wouldn’t even look in the infirmary’s direction once. After depending on himself for so long, he wasn’t going to stop now. Besides, what were First Aid kits for after all?
The only way he was going to the infirmary was if someone dragged his unconscious body there themselves.
Well, unless you were there.
“Miguel O’Hara I swear to god, you better get your ass to the infirmary or so help me I will tie you up and drag you through the halls myself,” you say sternly as you both reemerge in the Lobby. The rest of the Spiders there continued with what they were doing, but their attention was zeroed in on you both.
“I’m fine,” he says, glaring at you as if trying to say ‘Just try’. Had you been anyone else, you would have backed down by now but you didn’t.
“You wanna test me right now? That was a nasty hit, I will not be letting it get infected under my watch,” you retort, and he puffs.
“This is nothing, I’ve dealt with worse,” he scoffs, and in an instant your finger shoots out, making contact with the side that got hit with the anomaly’s flames. Miguel can’t help the sharp intake of breath as the pain from the impact hits him.
Your eyebrow raises, an expression of disbelief on your face before it softens. Murmuring softly, you say something that only he can hear.
For a moment he studies your face before sighing, finally relenting. With a triumphant smile, you place a hand on the man’s broad back, leading him towards the infirmary with a gentle but firm hand.
There, Pavitr is laying in bed recovering from an awry mission of his own. The doctors had ordered bedrest for the next 2 hours at least. Superior healing or not, they were not going to risk it. So there he lay, slinging his golden bangles up and down bored before he hears the two of you come in.
“Mr. O’Hara-" a doctor’s voice can be heard, but he is quickly interrupted.
“She’s got it from here,” he says, Miguel’s tone final. A small “yes, sir” can be heard before footsteps fade away, the doctor’s office door closing once more.
“You know, you should really let the professionals help you,” your voice can be heard.
“You dragged me here, you can deal with the consequences,” he says, and you just laugh fondly before your voices quieten, murmuring too quietly for Pavitr to hear.
Curiosity builds as he recalls the conversation he and his friends had, and before he can stop himself he shifts silently to the side, just enough to be able to catch a glimpse of you both from the small gap between the hospital curtain and the wall.
There, Miguel sat on the bed, a disgruntled expression on his face but his eyes were soft as he watched you fuss over his side.
He only watches for a few seconds before pulling away, this being a clear invasion of privacy, and his boss’ privacy no less.
It wasn’t going to stop him from telling everyone else though.
~
“This is a bad idea. This is a really, really bad idea,” Miles says, grasping onto the ceiling like his life depended on it.
“It’s only a bad idea if we get caught, so Shut. Up,” Gwen says sharply, hanging from her place on the ceiling as they watched the fight from above.
Gwen had come up with the mighty fine idea of sneaking into a mission between the two of you. It wasn’t often that it happened, Miguel more often than not only went on missions with only Lyla by his side. But when he needed a partner, it was always you.
“Why did you have to bring me with you,” he whispers, “Miguel already doesn’t like me. He doesn’t need more of a reason to.”
“Because I needed backup and you can turn invisible. And let’s be real, Hobie would be laughing his ass off getting us caught, Peter would bring Mayday which would get us caught, and Pavitr is already on a mission, now shhh,” she whispers, turning back to watching the scene below.
You swung from pillar to pillar in the abandoned factory with practiced ease, a carefree laugh escaping your lips as Miguel stands on the ground fiddling with his watch.
“The anomaly’s last known location was here,” Lyla’s voice echoes out, and you let out a sigh.
“Why can’t villains have easy powers. Maybe a giant blob that is easy to take down? Why do they have to be so complicated? What’s this one again, a freaky shadow monster?” you think out loud.
“Where’s the fun in that?” Miguel retorts, glancing up toward you for a moment before turning back to Lyla. “Do a scan of the place, will you?”
“What do we say~” Lyla responds, and you giggle softly while Miguel huffs.
“Please,” he mutters.
“What was that?”
“Please, Lyla,” he says a little louder now, irritation growing in his voice.
“Already done,” the AI snickers, and he groans out loud as your laughter bounces off of the walls, a fist held out for Lyla to bump.
“The two of you will be the death of me,” he says lowly.
“Oh, don’t be like that, grumps. You’d be too stubborn to die,” you retort before tensing up, the hairs on the back of your neck rising with the familiar feeling of your heightened senses at work. The moment you sling yourself up is the moment a loud thud sounds out from where you once stood.
“Oh, I forgot to mention that the anomaly was in the far right corner,” Lyla says before disappearing.
“I really need to do a rewrite of her code,” Miguel mutters to himself.
In your previous spot emerges a dark figure, plumes of smoke emerging and dissipating from its form and allowing it to disappear into the shadows with ease.
With a simple nod, you get to work. Like a well-oiled machine, you work in practiced synchrony, bounding across the walls and slinging webs.
And just like that the anomaly is captured, the force field around it effectively trapping it for the ride back to HQ so it can be sent back to its own universe.
“That was…kinda lame,” you snicker, pulling off your mask
“Told you so,” Miguel says as he opens up a portal for you both, dragging the anomaly behind him.
“Don’t say that to me,” you pout.
“What, can’t handle the truth?” he retorts, a smirk playing across his lips as your bickering voices fade through the portal.
“…was that a smile,” Gwen asks as she watches the spot where they both had stood.
“Was that what it was?” Miles asks, a shudder racking through his body.
~
It was late at night at the HQ, and at this time everyone else had already gone back to their own universes. The few that lingered were the ones finishing up after a late-night mission.
Or, you were Peter B. Parker frantically searching through the kitchen for a bottle of milk for Mayday after a playdate with a select few spiders that went on for way longer than expected.
Mayday was an easy baby. Always happy and smiling, but that all disappears when she was hungry and you did not want a spider baby on a rampage.
“Alright, alright, give Daddy a few seconds to warm up your milk please?” Peter pleads as Mayday continues to babble angrily, crawling all over him.
She pauses for a moment, attention drawn elsewhere as she hangs off of her father’s back before leaping.
“Hey, lil spider!” You say with a laugh, catching her in your arms. “What are you doing here so late?” you ask.
“Playdate with Miles, Gwen and Hobie. Time really flew and she refused to leave until now,” Peter sighs tiredly, and you pat him on the back before putting her up onto your shoulders. “What are you doing here so late?”
You shrug, grabbing two mugs from the cupboard.
“Working late. Like you said, time really flew,” you say, but Peter knew that wasn’t the full truth.
“Working so hard that you need two cups of coffee?” he asks, holding out the bottle for Mayday to take, which is what she does happily as she snuggles up in her father’s arms.
“What can I say, caffeine doesn’t really work on me,” you grin, pouring the coffee from the machine. “Goodnight, Peter, Mayday,” you say, ruffling her red hair fondly.
And as quickly as you appeared, you disappear.
~
People didn’t often disturb the big boss man Miguel when he was working. Not if you wanted to stay on his good side.
It was even less often that someone barges into his room full of screens as he monitors the Archno-Humanoid Polymultiverse, let alone a group of them.
“We heard you talking to someone! And laughing,” Gwen says hesitantly as if she couldn’t even believe it herself. But she was invested in figuring out what the deal was between the two of you now.
“Well, do you see anyone around?” Miguel deadpans, his arms wide and gesturing around broadly. You could barely stifle the giggle as you sat on a beam high up on the ceiling, going unnoticed.
“W-well, no…But!” she says, and Miguel raises an eyebrow which makes Gwen shrink in her spot slightly before recovering. “But we heard you. There was someone here, wasn’t there?”
Hobie, ever the perceptive one tracks his eyes along the ceiling before spotting you swinging your legs with an amused look on your face. It seemed as though no one else had noticed though.
Miguel watches Hobie spot you and his eyes narrow in his direction, as if saying ‘I dare you to say anything’ to which the spider only raises his hands in mock surrender.
“No. There wasn't." He says, his tone final. "If that’s all you’re here for, I have important work to get to. So why don’t you go bother someone else, yeah?”
~
“I give up,” Gwen says, slumping in her chair. “We’re never going to figure it out.”
“Figure what out?” Jess asks, walking up to the group.
“Whether or not there is something going on between those two,” Miles says, nodding towards you and Miguel talking over in the corner of the room.
Jessica only hums, a knowing look in her eyes but she doesn’t say anything. Only asks a simple question.
“What makes you think so?”
“Everyone here knows that there’s something there, even if they want to admit it or not. She’s one of the few people he tolerates, they’re together almost all the time and he actually seems happy around her,” Gwen reasons.
“You could have just asked, you know,” you say, coming up on their conversation with an amused look on your face.
Their expressions range from flustered to simply amused and you can’t help the laughter that bubbles up as you make eye contact with Jess.
“And to answer the question,” you reach down your suit, pulling out a simple chain with a ring dangling off of the end.
“We’re actually married.”
The group goes silent for a moment, eyes wide as they stare at the necklace in your hands, trying to process your words.
Then, all hell breaks loose.
A/N: Hehe, I'm quite happy with this one :3 This is my first attempt at writing Miguel, sorry if I butchered him but I am absolutely hyperfixating on him after seeing ATSV in theatres yesterday.
Based on the prompt by @imslightlycreative though slightly changed :)) I hope you all enjoyed <3
Part two out now!! Read it here.
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6gumi · 9 months
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breathless.
synopsis ﹒jjk men giving you surprise kisses gone wrong (GONE SEXUAL!) that’s it. that’s the fic
pairings ﹒toji fushiguro, yuuta okkotsu, yuuji itadori, satoru gojo x f!reader
cw ﹒a little suggestive. not proofread (oops), makeout sessions kinda?, yuuji + yuuta aged up! slight vaginal fingering involved, dirty talk, petnames used ! (princess, baby, etc etc) you guys literally just make out n it goes wrong . . . do i need to say more ? <3
note ﹒sm thoughts sm thoughts sm thoughts !!! yuuji’s is the only fluff n innocent one LMFAO feel free 2 interact w me by sending an ask ! i’m still trying 2 finish up my requests so please be patient and know that only thirsts r open for now <3 — millie ! ♡
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୨୧ 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎
toji always loved teasing you, especially during makeout sessions you both would have occasionally. he does a lot and i mean a lot of things to tease you during them too, it’s unfair! he loved it whenever you had your arms crossed infront of him, eyebrows furrowed while you lectured him for his laziness. he merely just chuckled at your attempts to tell him off for being such a lazy jerk, slowly closing the distance between both of you. you can’t blame him, can you? it’s not like you wanted him to stop either.. it’s crazy how your voice and that irritated look in your eyes left him feeling light-headed. before he knew it, toji you in his arms, holding you just a little too tight. “hey! let go of me, toji. ‘m not finished saying what i wanna say—“ and.. there he goes again. a deep groan left him as his lips traced each inch of your neck, his entire body clenched as he grabbed your wrist. toji’s other hand buried itself in your hair, caressing and pulling at it from the back, interlocking his lips with yours..
god.. your makeout sessions always begin this way, but honestly you didn’t really complain. toji ran his hand up your body, wrapping it around your neck as she squeezed it lightly.. careful not to hurt you too much. his lips on yours was the sweetest torture you had ever felt in your whole life, your heart pounding against your chest at a furious pace as he held you closer to him, not letting go of you anytime soon. “sorry, doll. what’d ya say earlier? too busy kissin’ these pretty lips of yours.” “oh great, and you weren’t even listening too?” the raven just shrugged, a smug expression painted on his face. “dunno, just wanted t’kiss your lips, you talk too much princess.. needed to shut you up.” gosh, you could’ve sworn you felt a vein popping out of your forehead out of frustration, is this guy for real? “mm.. can i continue kissing your lips?” was all he said, a low sigh leaving your lips before you waited for him to kiss you again. “oh no baby, not these lips. i mean the other ones.” oh yeah, expect yourself to be breathless after this.. kisses or not!
୨୧ 𝐘𝐔𝐔𝐓𝐀 𝐎𝐊𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐒𝐔
yuuta can’t help it! he couldn’t help but admire you the whole time you rambled about a weird first interaction you had with his companion toge inumaki and how hard it was to understand him! thank the lord you didn’t even notice just how intensely his eyes stared at you, as if they were digging daggers into your soul. this is probably a constant thing for him, i feel like yuuta likes giving you shy surprise kisses out of nowhere! and sometimes, he can’t even control his body and they just smooooch your lips, atleast.. that’s what he says! he can’t help but grin every single time he sees that flustered expression on your face after he catches you off guard with his surprise kisses, he’s just trying to have after all. though sometimes he’s aware that, these “small yet shy surprise kisses” will turn into much more than what they seem. and you wanna know what they turn into? heated makeout sessions of course!
yuuta’s large hands rest on the nape of your neck, the other on your waist as he pushes you down the mattress with his weight, trying his best not to crush you completely with his body as his kisses were slow.. slow and passionate yet you knew that was gonna change in a few minutes or so, and you were right! in the blink of an eye, yuuta wraps his two hands beneath your thighs, lifting you up slightly so your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling the both of you closer and into a more passionate yet lustful embrace and kiss. the special grade sorcerer pulled away, chuckling when you puckered your lips a tiiny bit to taste his sweet lips on yours again, yuuta gave your jaw a small peck. “may i?..” the raven muttered under his breath.. lifting your skirt and tugging at the hem of your panties. just know that.. if you nod and say yes, oh boy. be prepared to stay up all night! those surprise kisses were a trap to kiss you until you were breathless!
୨୧ 𝐘𝐔𝐔𝐉𝐈 𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐈
let’s see here.. to sum things up, yuuji loves giving you surprises kisses! and i mean loves it! he likes catching you off guard whenever he presses a kiss against you, your boyfriend gives you small little surprise kisses literally anywhere and everywhere, so much that you even have to tell him to tone down a bit because of how flustered you were! “but why, babe? i like kissing you..” he knew you liked it whenever he was affectionate so he would plant many many love kisses all over you nonstop! usually sometimes he even just gives you one when it’s unnecessary or so, kissing you on the cheek while you scroll on your phone.. kissing the nape of your neck from behind whenever you were in the kitchen, sneakily kissing your inner thigh from beneath the bedsheets, you name it! yuuji yawned as he wrapped an arm around your waist, scooting you even closer against him. “babe, can i kiss you?” no answer, you were too focused on that stupid movie you wanted to watch, he didn’t think you’d get this invested. the male gently put a hand on your thigh, surprise-kissing the blade of your shoulder with much desire and love.
anndd.. here you both go again.. on the couch as the room was filled with sharp heavy panting and lewd noises. yuuji’s hands grabbed onto your waist and moved you back and forth on his gap, feeling a bulge press against you as your cunt pulsed around nothing.. you prayed he didn’t feel anything. you always wondered how he’s so sweet and delicate with your kisses as if you were some kind of gentle flower you needed to protect, his touches were so soft.. so gentle and yet a little hesitant.. not wanting to hurt you in anyway. his mouth moved towards your jaw and then your hands. “you should kiss me more babe, i like how soft your lips feel on mine.” “i already allow you to give me surprises kisses in private and public, what more do you need, hm?” “.. another kiss, maybe? or maybe.. more kisses? more than the amount i give you in one day?” ahh.. you know you can’t say no to him, you knew just how much he wanted to kiss you breathless.
୨୧ 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎
surprise kisses with him are a must (atleast 2 him!) he loves sneaking small little pecks on your cheek and lips, though.. his surprise kisses are rather bold and lead to more intimate moments between the both of you. heated and long messy makeout sessions to more.. bolder ones, though you aren’t complaining really, he isn’t either.. in-fact he loves the faces you make whenever he plunges his tongue inside your mouth with no warning at all, grabbing at your ass.. your waist, you name it! scolding him about his “surprise” kisses won’t help either, he just knows how to rile you up in no time! the special grade groaned into the kiss as he pulled you onto his lap, grabbing your hips and squeezing at it with his hands. satoru sighs lowly, struggling against the heat and lust that was now flowing through his body like hot lava, he wanted more and he craved more.. he didn’t even care that it was supposed to be a “small” surprise kiss, he wanted you and he wanted you now. you sure do have that effect on him.
“you’re such a cute little angel for me, mhm? stay still for me a bit, yeah?” oh you knew what he was gonna do. you hear him spit on the top of his fingers for a second, body jolting as you felt his fingers rubbing your clit. “i’m sorry. i can’t get enough of you. look at this, you’re so wet already, angel. all this for me? all because of the kissing, hm?” he rubbed the slit of your pussy with two fingers at a harsher pace.. feeling your wetness on his fingers. “c’mon, keep kissing me pretty. don’t let these fingers distract you, yeah?” was all he said before the sweetness of his lips returned on your own, his kisses were sloppy and messy but yet he didn’t show any signs of stopping anytime soon.. his digits curling in your cunt, forcing a muffled moan from your lips. adding another finger in, he could feel how tight his pants felt.. getting all hard just from fingering you and kissing you alone was crazy enough, he wasn’t playing around.. he wanted more.. and he’ll get more. satoru will do this over and over again until you’re absolutely breathless.
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sagesskies · 3 months
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been reading a lot of qt bl recently, and this idea struck me:
imagine you've just transmigrated into a world where you're the second male lead's best friend, when him and the fl enter a rough patch in their relationship because seriously, that guy flirts with way too many girls despite being in a committed relationship, and this time the fl has had enough and breaks up with him.
the 2nd male lead just has a downward spiral, because he was super dependent on the fl, and you, doing your job as his best friend, give him words of encouragement, as you were instructed by the system. but when he, unexpectedly, asks you to do more than give him advice, and instead help him in the direct process of fixing their relationship, you can't exactly say no when he's asking you so pitifully with tears in his eyes.
so, you help him, concocting schemes to win the fl over, sabotage the 1st male lead, and the like. this is way more than the original best friend did, where he just said some encouraging words and then proceeded to dip out of the plot till the emotional climax where he gets hit by a car and the female lead and 2nd male lead supposedly "make up" and "date again" at least, till the 1st male lead wins her back over.
you're able to actually get closer to him as well, past the shallow mask that all humans don, and get to know him as more than just 'a playboy with unhealthy attachment issues'
you learn that he likes to play the guitar and sing, that he cries when watching romance movies, that his favorite color is purple, that he dreams of making a career out of his music, and that nobody ever believes he can.
but when you place your arm around his shoulder, and look deep into eyes and tell him that you do, you believe in him, you see the way that his eyes widen in surprise, and how tears start to well up in his eyes, but completely miss the way his cheeks start to redden.
you actually miss a lot of things. how he always remembers your coffee order, how he knows the way you like your eggs made, how he remembers your favorite show and movie, and knows your handwriting by how you write your m's.
you also miss how he wraps his arm around your waist, drapes his jacket over you when you get cold, and likes to loop his arms around your shoulders and cling to you like a koala does to a tree.
what you do notice is how he's stopped talking about the female lead as much, how he only asks you how you're doing, invites you out not to plan something but to instead just hang like friends would, and when you bring up how the female lead has started dating the 1st ml he just blinks, and then says "Okay, good for them," like he wasn't bemoaning how close they were only three months ago.
and what you are forced to see is that the only person he's feeling possessive over is you. he's always texting you, asking where you are, who you're with, and what you're doing. he's glaring at anybody who even breathes in your direction, and one time your friends told you he threatened them to leave you alone.
slowly, you start to distance yourself from him. you decline his offers to hang out, you avoid him on campus, and have even gone so far as to mute his notifications because he's been sending you so many messages.
the system is alerting you of his unnatural behavior, and you tell it that you're very aware, and trying your best to get the story back on track. but by god, is he making this so hard.
it all comes to a head when you hear pounding at your front door, the sound muffled by the heavy downpour of rain, and when you open it you're, sadly, not surprised to see that it's the 2nd male lead, clothes soaked and sobbing, he's telling you he misses you. that he doesn't know why you're avoiding him, but whatever he did he's sorry for it.
"Just don't ignore me, please [Name]," he whines, "If you do, I might die!"
how will you get yourself out of this mess now?
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luveline · 13 days
Note
Babe congrats on quitting!!!
I live coworker!James sm he is so lovely and i cant heló bit asking for more
R having a bad day and James doent know until he teeases her and she just like opens up to James a bit more?
thank you!!
You can’t escape Remus’ sweet questions of concern, though he’s tactful. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Remus asks, James a haunting somewhere near the customer complaints desk. 
“I’m fine.” 
“You really don’t wanna come to dinner with me?” 
It’s a nice offer, but Remus is part of a package deal, and he’s the only one of the three who isn’t exhausting; Remus’ boyfriend Sirius is well meaning but so beautiful and so alarmingly aware of it, while James is all those things too, but much less subtle about it. “I’m too tired for the walking, thank you. I’m just gonna stay here and eat my sandwich in slow bites.” 
Remus laughs, wrapping his scarf tight around his neck. He doesn’t tuck it under his coat. Sirius will do that for him. It’s heartbreaking to see every day, a reminder of real love in the world that will seemingly never touch you, but it’s cute too. 
James rockets back to his desk. He’s always in a hurry. Half-frantic, he pulls his rucksack from under his desk and unzips the main body. To your horror, he unveils a large Tupperware of white rice, asparagus, and what looks to be chicken thighs. Next comes his portable knife fork. 
He notices your watching. “It’s just rice and chicken,” he says defensively. 
“No, I’m not–” You shake your head. “Not about what you’re eating. Eat what you want, James.” 
“Don’t I always?” he asks. “Not about what I’m eating. Your general look of disgust and disdain is to do with something else, then. Did you accidentally look in the ladies bathroom mirror again?” 
“It’s nothing.” 
James tucks his chair in, face paused, hands hesitating at the sides of his dinner and then flat to the desk. “Hey, is something wrong?” 
Maybe his comment before struck a nerve. Maybe you’re having a terrible day, and everything’s piling up, and you can’t be expected to keep in your feelings forever. Or maybe you’re dumb. “Guess I did look too long in the mirror,” you say. 
“You’re upset?” he asks, startled.
You shake your head vehemently. Slow. “I’m just having a bad day.” 
“What happened?” 
You stare at him for a moment, take in the concerned twitch of his brows as they pull down and in, the set of his nice mouth, remarking to yourself on how the snarky sarcasm erases itself from his expression so quickly, leaving behind a boy with a very sweet face. 
His hand curls into a loose fist. “You don’t have to tell me.” 
“I don’t know if you ever get this, but sometimes I,” —your face goes white hot suddenly, an acknowledgment of the powers over you you’re giving him in needing reassurance— “look at myself and I feel a bit off. And I thought if I had lunch by myself I’d have time to not be looked at? Um. Which is why I was unhappy. Not because of you.” You frown at him. “You do make me unhappy, though.” 
He pretends to laugh at your weak insult, which is generous. “So you actually did get upset looking in the mirror? Shortcake, I was kidding about that, it's not like it makes any sense.” 
You frown at one another. “Why not?” 
“Because you’re nothing worth being upset over?” James suggests. “You’re pretty. You know you’re pretty.” He points at you with his fork. “You do know?” 
“No,” you mumble. 
“I’m not telling you again,” he says, looking strangely as though he’d quite like to tell you again. 
“I’m consistently below average.” 
“Where? Do you have an address? I must go to this place where you’re the standard.” 
Something weird and queasy summons to life in your chest, before levelling into a surprising pleasure. That was definitely a compliment, and from James, though annoying he might be, it means a lot. He’s outrageously good looking, after all, and especially when he smiles, which is nearly constant. He’s smiling now with the fondness of someone who knows you better than he actually does. 
He ruins it rolling his eyes. “You’re ridiculous. Which I’ve come to expect!” he says, sliding a thumb under the clasp of his Tupperware. “Why would you think you’re not lovely? To look at, that is. You’re a huge pain otherwise.” 
“That’s uncharacteristically mean, even for you.” 
“I’m balancing it out. Want some asparagus?” 
You excuse yourself for a quick trip to the bathroom, where you mouth questions at your reflection of the puzzled variety. Has James been replaced by a body snatcher? Or are you finally seeing the version of him everybody else in the office seems to know?
When you get back to your desk, your figurines have been upended by a ‘freak earthquake’. He’s back to normal.
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toji-girl · 8 days
Note
Toji finngering u from behind while having his biceps crushing ur neck position does it make sense
18+ only content
the way I started giggling as I read this please this is so hot
tags: fem reader + explicit smut + he has you in a chokehold but he isn't choking you or anything although I wish he would :(
Toji would grumble when it came to your antics, such as when you wanted him to tie a ribbon around his bicep after watching those videos on your phone and having him do a pushup with you on him.
Seeing that light in your eyes is the reason he does it even though he pretends that it's going to kill him and you know him well enough he does that to make you giggle and roll your eyes and whine for him.
However, he wasn't expecting you to text him with a request.
He had just left for the gym after letting you drown in honey-sweet kisses that had him gripping onto your ass for dear life not wanting to go but Toji was well aware of how you acted when he got back home.
Incoming Message
You: I want you to put me in a chokehold when you get home, please? 🥺🙏🏻
When he read the message he couldn't help but chuckle and decided to work a little on his arms, the burning in his muscles was a pain he welcomed and of course, your marks down his back and love bites.
During his session with a few friends he met at the gym, Toji thought about you and what you were doing at home waiting for him, probably getting ready to take pictures to send and tease him with.
Two hours passed by like it was nothing and before he knew it Toji was unlocking the front door to a dark apartment. "I'm home darlin'!" He called out kicking his shoes off leaving them by the door as usual.
He knew you'd probably tell him not to and with the way you do it, Toji couldn't deny that it made him a bit turned on so sometimes he likes to get you riled up and bouncing up and down on his dick like a cowgirl while you whine and cry about him being too big to handle.
While lost in his thoughts he pushed open the door to the bedroom to see you belly down writing in your journal with your earbuds in, makes sense as to why you didn't hear him come in or anything.
A lot of the time people wouldn't think Toji is listening but he is, and he knew you would really enjoy being surprised, it's something you talked about before falling asleep or when you didn't think your husband was paying you any attention, but he was.
When the bed dipped with his weight you shrieked feeling his large hands grip your ass while kneeling between your legs. "Good thing you keep the door locked or I could've been someone else." He scolded slightly with a soft ass slap that made you squeal with glee.
"A masked intruder?" You teased feeling him drop his weight a little as he straddled you leaning over to press a wet kiss to your cheek.
"You'd like that, ya pervert." Toji teased back letting his hands follow the curve of your body until he reached his shirt you always wore after he did during the day, it smelt like him and it calmed you.
Like now.
His scent was musky and all male, his pheromones drove you wild with lust and need making your cunt slick with arousal. "Who's the pervert now?" You teased feeling his hands slid under your shirt.
"Takes one to know one." He shot back and moved to kneel between your legs again, you were in the perfect position for prone bone, one of your favorites. With the material bunched around your waist he saw you didn't put on any panties making him chuckle and groan.
You tried to roll over but Toji stopped you with one palm on your back as he moved closer to snake an arm around your neck letting your chin rest on the crease of his elbow as he played with your pussy.
Your soft whines made his dick twitch as did the warmth and wetness of your cunt that tried to suck his fingers in. "Isn't this what you wanted, sweetheart? Wanted me to have you pinned down while I take care of your needy pussy?" His words were thick with desire as he whispered in your ear grinding his hips on your ass when he could.
Toji was careful to make sure he didn't hurt you, but it was enough that you felt the pressure of him, his fingers thrust in and out of you with wet squelching that roared in your ears as he rubbed your clit.
His fingers were thick and always was able to provide you the stimulation you needed, and he knew your body like the back of his hand so it was easy to have you coming for him, hearing you sing his name so prettily like a dove.
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kysuguru · 9 months
Text
dear mother — stsg x fem!reader
synopsis : you’ve finally enrolled into jujutsu tech, sad thing is, you’re totally clueless.
includes / cw : emotionally abusive mother
all mine masterlist
a /n : ch1 of my “all mine” series!!!
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"i'm ogawa [name]. i'm from sendai japan. please take care of me."
you bow politely. smiling at the tiny class of three as you rise, posture nervous and stiff.
"if i knew there was someone new i would've thrown a welcome party!" a white haired boy who's eyes are protected by circular black glasses exclaims excitedly, a smile big on his lips. you admit you're a bit intimidated. the idea of a party for you seems a bit over the top, though.
a boy on his left scoffs almost affectionately, the soft look he sends to his counterpart familiar to you. you always looked at the street cats like that, your mother as well (you try not to think about it). he has a bang over his left eye, you wonder if someone has ever tried to tuck it behind his ear.
"there's no need for a party. my arrival can't be that exciting," you chuckle shyly.
they all analyze you. so you settle with looking at your shuffling shoes.
"she speaks so formally." the gojo boy leans over with a hand cupped around his mouth as he whispers to his best friend, causing you to look up. it's a bit silly that he's acting as if he's whispering a secret even though everyone can hear him.
his friend eyes you apologetically.
there's another girl, the only one who seems actually interested as she stares you down. you flinch as you catch her gaze. her hair is short, in a brown bob that frames her face perfectly. her bangs are tucked behind her ear and there's a mole you catch on her face that convinces you she's model worthy.
other than your mother you've never thought a woman was so pretty.
"so new girl, what's your cursed technique."
new girl.. but i swore i said my name. did i not?
ignoring the white haired boy's lack of manners was easy, since you weren't all that aware he was being rude.
"i actually... don't know."
all three students chorused at the same time.
"hah?"
scouted? me? when you heard such a thing, you were confused and honestly, really surprised. you weren't talented by any means. outside of studying you didn't have much going on. not only that, but your mother kept you in the house a lot. so to hear of someone from jujutsu tech finding you worthy enough to attend had you blinking, astonished.
you were aware of what jujutsu was, cursed techniques and all of that jazz, but your knowledge was still limited beyond that. your mom was adamant on you not attending for reasons she refused to tell. obviously you didn't push. you never liked seeing her with a temper.
the man who recommended you was named yaga masamichi. he'd taken note of the significant amount of cursed energy you possessed when passing by you on your way to school. your family weren't jujutsu sorcerers from what you were aware of — you honestly weren't even sure that there were jujutsu sorcerers or people like you until now. but you'd never put it past your mom to hide something like that from you.
she always kept jujutsu related talk under wraps, only giving you little information to quell your curiosity.
you didn't even know what your cursed technique was. or if you even had one. even though you tried to understand why she does what she does, it still felt very lonely — seeing such heinous creatures and having to pretend they didn't exist for your own safety.
if it weren't for the fact that you instinctively learned to control your cursed energy output, you could've been in serious danger.
and although it was painful to go through such things alone — not being able to confide in a single person — you understood why your mother did it. all she wanted to do was keep you safe.
and even if you followed all of her rules of no jujutsu to a T, you couldn't help the sensation of excitement and relief knowing that there were so many other people out there just like you. a school of them, even.
you wanted badly to be upset with your mother, the fact that she knew about all of this and kept it from you. but even the thought of being angry at her when all she wanted was to protect you had you pushing down those foolish feelings.
other than secretive, your mother was also very stubborn. a trait that you always admired until this very moment.
she argued that you didn't belong into a school that was practically a death trap for young teens. always listening to your mother like an obedient puppy, you looked down at the floor, preparing for the inevitable rejection, expression sad as you shuffled your shoes alongside your mothers that were planted firm on the ground — you resisted the urge to distance yourself from her.
your eyes drifted to the shoes that were yaga's hoping no one would question your silence (they never did).
your mother wasn't a bad person. never that. but sometimes you couldn't help but get upset at the decisions she made in your stead. you wouldn't say that she didn't consider you, but sometimes it kinda felt that way.
"i get where you're coming from. jujutsu tech is a dangerous place and i hate to bring such young talented kids into such risks. but you have to understand your daughters side," he gestured towards you, your mothers eyes dropping to your head that perked up before they glared back at yaga.
"how do you think she feels knowing she has the opportunity to branch out and gain knowledge about these abilities. do you think she wants to stay ignorant because you do?"
your ears rang as the last sentence was spoken.
"do you think she wants to stay ignorant because you do?"
it resonated with you in a way you couldn't comprehend. all you could do was clutch your chest as a foreign feeling of relief left your choked up throat in a bated breath. the exhale feeling as if you were being freed from something. being seen.
"[name], my sweet darling baby," she caressed the top of your head. it was instinct to lean into her touch, even though at the moment you couldn't sort out how you felt towards her.
she's protecting you. the words whisper in your ear, like a disease that is incurable, like a predator that sinks its fangs and refuses to let go.
"mommy wants you to stay home with her. please consider it. it's so dangerous out there, and i really don't want you to get hurt," she cooed. it made you feel sick and you hated not knowing why. even though her words were meant to console you, they only made you want to run.
your eyes were glued to the dirty mat that you and your mother refused to clean, maybe because it was the most familiar thing in this constant changing house. there were five pairs of shoes, you, yaga, and mother and two unworn pairs off to the side, both meant for other occasions, better ones. ones that don't include the ringing of your ears and the well of your tears as they collect on your lashes. maybe it's an occasion where you're at a nice dinner with your mom, a rare treat whenever she deemed herself in the mood.
the bigger pair of shoes shifted. yaga.
"miss ogawa. i don't mean to overstep, but have you considered you're babying your 15 year old child? maybe you need to consider that she can make her own-"
"don't you dare tell me how to parent my own damn child." her voice is dripping with venom, the venom that seeps through you and whispers in your ear.
i just want to protect you.
your mothers anger was never a calm one, it was loud and furious, voice bouncing off the walls as she tried restraining herself from getting violent. so hearing her talk to the man in such a familiar tone had you quivering in her hold.
your mother, never under the assumption that she could ever be the reason you were upset, deduced that your shivers were caused by yaga.
so she glares, long and hard, and her lips move to form the words you were dreading, "my daughter is not attending your shit school. get out of my house.”
...
other than the sound of life beyond the door, there only laid cold, anxious silence.
you were afraid to look up, your mother's shirt being your only anchor. but from the resigned sigh that left yaga's lips, you were well aware of the expression he was making — one of anger, and disappointment. realizing that seeking you out was a waste of his time.
or so you assumed.
for he could only look at you in pity, acknowledging how painful a relationship like this must be for you, and in longing, hoping foolishly that he could lend a helping hand.
a rough calloused hand entered your vision, a piece of ripped paper in the grip of his fingers.
yaga gestured it towards you patiently, a look of sorrow marring his usually calm expression. "if there's a change, please call this number."
your mom ripped it from his grasp right before you could touch it. she crumpled it in her hand. "there won't be a change. now get the fuck out of my house."
you could only stare in horror at your mothers fist that held the only thing that could possibly change the trajectory of your life. even as yaga bowed and turned around, even as the door slammed shut behind him. even as mother soothed you with quiet coos meant for a baby, even as she turned towards the kitchen to start on dinner, even as she sat you down and commented on your silence. even as she watched you absentmindedly pick on your food, even as she started to become agitated at your lack of response, and even as she treaded up the stairs to her bedroom. your eyes stayed glued to that one hand.
you blinked, eyes dry and mouth parched as you suddenly remembered that you weren't at the front door anymore while your mother cradled you in her arms.
your eyes drift to the front door, and you approach it slowly. you don't know why you stand there or why your hand touched the door knob.
maybe it's because you're hopeful that the man is behind this door. waiting patiently for you to open it, prepared with the words of acceptance. maybe something amongst it that helps you figure out what the hell to do.
"a school of them." you whispered, the only thing capable of leaving your dry mouth.
there was a school of them. proof that you really weren't alone in this cursed world. how could you possibly go back to the difficult life of acting as if everything was normal when it wasn't? blue auras were around everybody, and the grotesque creatures festered from the negative feelings surrounding those people. and there were those out there who knew how to get rid of those things for the sake of others.
knowing all of this, you couldn't stand by and not lend a hand, not learn to control the one thing that's burdened you your entire life. but..
you looked up the stairs, seeing just the top of your mothers door.
what would she do? she needed you. you both took care of each other, you couldn't leave her behind.
but you needed this. you wanted to figure all of this out. control theses abilities and hopefully get to know people who were just like you. and... you could always come back.
yeah.
who said you had to stay? you would go, go to jujutsu high, reach your goals, and return to your mother.
because even though you may make friends with those of similar backgrounds to you, your mother was a constant in your life, never changing. you couldn't abandon her. you wouldn't.
so with this new resolve in your heart, you snuck up to her room. she kept her door creaked for unknown reasons, maybe to keep an eye on you, but you ignored that and thanked its convenience for this very moment.
she was asleep. snoring.
you treaded carefully over to the bed, eyes focused on the bags growing under her lashes. the sight made your lips twitch into a small frown. you delicately tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. listening to her steady breathing as she dreamt the night away.
"wait for me, mother.”
you turned away and grabbed the piece of paper off of her nightstand, leaving the room with a sense of urgency.
you dialed yaga's number after locking your bedroom door, pacing around in circles as the phone rung. the ringing resonated in your ears like a ticking clock. you didn't really have time. if he wouldn't answer now you'd never get your chance.
your mom was an early bird and you could already feel yourself getting drowsy.
"i mean. who even calls this late. he might be asleep..." you whisper defeatedly and pull the phone away from your ear to hang up, but it lights up with his icon and you jump in excitement.
"miss. ogawa?"
"masamichi-san. it's [name]."
Dear mother,
I've departed, something I'm sure you noticed. As much as I wanted to obey you, I couldn't just abandon the opportunity that could help change my life for the better. I know you were trying to protect me, and I know that it's dangerous. But I can't live knowing that my life could be different. I can't just sit by and watch this spark of light dim, let my world go dark again. I'm not like you, mother. I will not stay ignorant. Wait for me, please.
I lov-
a loud shrewd rip echoes through the quiet house. your mother's eyes are dull, face empty as she starts furiously ripping the paper to shreds.
she suddenly screams out in anger, tears of frustration bubbling and blurring her vision. she grips her hair in agony as she starts chanting curses.
"dammit dammit, dammit!! i told her it was dangerous. i told her. damn her!! good for nothing daughter... not listening to a fucking word i say!!"
your mom stomps angrily out of her room, not caring for the small pieces of paper she tramples over.
"I love you,"
"mother."
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undercoverpena · 10 months
Text
circles and squares
simon ghost riley x f!reader (cod)
an: you should all thank @halfmoth-halfman for this one and our early morning chat. I heart you lots.
an: written on phone, mind any errors.
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Ghost is aware he’s not the easiest person to be with. 
He's an entanglement of repressed feelings, scars that run deeper than layers of skin and a need for solitude, that you seem to have slid past. 
You take it all in your stride, not fazed—not asking too much—the patience of a saint.
It’s not that why he likes you. It’s that you make up rules for the two of them with relative ease. Providing him with ways to express himself without using words.
For someone whose skin is littered with only a handful of marked memories and a heart still soft, you surprise him with how deeply you understand him.
How much you just get him.
In all of his future thinking, Ghost never envisioned such a soul would fall for him—although Simon had always hoped. 
Two fragmented parts of him working together, desperate to keep whatever was happening between the two of you intact. Even if he had little to give and not a whole lot to offer, you stuck around.
You say very little when it comes to his past, taking what you can with gratitude. When you’re ticking, turning over thoughts—needing something but unsure how to ask for it—you make up solutions to give him a voice.
Not a physical one, but one just as loud.  
“—like this,” you explain, taking the pen from his hand, drawing a circle—small, no bigger than 2cm—onto the plain, crisp page. 
The black stands out, all stark against the white paper on the chipped wooden desk. His eyes glancing up from the nib, to your eyes.
He wants to ask for an explanation, folding his arms, sighing as he runs his tongue over his teeth. 
You smile. 
He suspects it isn’t because you hear his sigh or because of the way he folds his arms—but because you know him. 
You know it isn’t to do with impatience or confusion, but rather because you understand that the two of you squirrelled away in a room brings questions. Ones he wants to save you from, as though you’re a damsel and not a lieutenant under him. 
You don’t need to protect me.
You’d said that once. Under him, your legs on either side of his thighs as your fingers brush over stubble and blemishes.
But he does.
Not just from the gossip, from the glances. But those who look for him—those who inflicted each defacement he lets you see.
If anything, you’re one of the very things he needs to protect. Keep you safe.
“If we fill it in like this,” you say, shading in the circle. “We’ll know the other person isn’t okay. We don’t have to explain to why, but we’ll know.” 
He cocks a brow, not that you can see it. His mask, the one all plain black, more for the base than out in the open, hiding his expressions from you. 
Ghost suspects, though, you see right through the fabric. Like you saw through him to begin with. Ignored the snark and the bitterness, saw something—someone—worth getting drenched for when you were both stationed in Europe. 
He hadn’t liked the rain before then, not the scent of it—not the way it made his clothes cling to his skin, how it suffocated him. But he likes how you looked in the rain, how your face relaxed even as your hair flattened to your head. How your hand turned palm over, catching droplets like they were blessings and not something which had ruined an entire night of recon. 
“Alright, but if we’re OK?” He asks. 
Your head nods, drawing another circle next to it. Not filling it, just leaving the outline there. 
“Not filled in means we’re okay.” 
It doesn’t cross his mind what they’ll do if there’s no paper, if there’s no way in a crowded room to get across that you’re drowning. That it feels too much. That you need him. 
You think about it, though. Because you always are. Always thinking of ways to make things easier, better. Ticking it off—always assessing, attempting to better things. Not for you, never for you (your selflessness knows no bounds), but for him. 
An answer to his inner thought was answered a month or two later.
It’s a mess, loud voices—arguments brewing in fractions as mutinies begin to build. Price in the centre, chewing his cheek, fingers twitching, likely desperate for a cigar or even a drink as another captain chews his ear off.
The 141 rarely partner with others for this reason.
He doesn’t linger on Price. Knows if he’s needed, he’ll hear his name cutting through the loudness. So he looks for you, eyes searching, finding you pressed into the corner. Alone. 
You’ve not been sleeping. Tossing, turning beside him. Fingers reaching for him, finding his side, his arm—even his fingers—as your brows knit and stencils lines into your face.
He never wakes you, just lets you take—and when you don’t take, he just holds. Clutching you close, pressing your ear to his chest, hoping the steady beat of his heart is enough.
Sometimes it is.
He suspects now wouldn’t be.
Your back is pressed against the wall, eyes down on the ground before they flick up, and for a moment, he forgets how to breathe.
Not just because your eyes are stunning, cutting into him from across a room, but because of how you look at him: a silent calling, a beckoning, a help dancing close to your pupils.
Slowly, for confirmation, he watches as you raise your right hand, drawing a circle on your left shoulder. His eyes track it, following it as it meets your starting point. Mind drowning out Johnny, not even listening to the group of idiots next to him—focused instead on how you begin using your finger to fill in the symbolic shape.  
He nods.
Feet moving, gloved hands pushing shoulders and bodies, parting the pockets of people as he moves towards you.
Ghost isn’t sure what he can do when he gets there, his pulse just thumping—following only a need to be next to you. He expects murmurs, more suspicious comments about how he’s always close by to you. Smarter soldiers recognise that he always has an eye on you if you’re close—they’re just not smart enough to identify something is already happening, and has been for a while.
As he nears you, he’s thankful he doesn’t need to ask it because you’re already keeping your eyes on him. Seeing as he gets closer that your lips are slightly parted, a little O created, chest rising and falling as you take in shallow breaths. 
He wants to offer something, whether it’s his voice, presence, or anything. Which is why he asks:
“Wanna get out of here?” 
He’s not sure if you expect it—not sure if you had considered it an option. Your head nodding, furiously, blinking away tears that threaten to spill as your hand brushes his wrist. 
Not to take his hand—the two of you don’t do that—but to tap. Once, twice. 
Thank you. 
He nods. Not able to (or wanting to) stop the way his heart soars at it—at being able to provide you with something.
Give you a fraction of what you give to him: a way out, a safe place.
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In time, your things begin to merge with his.
Not just on base, but back in England too. Your socks are washed with his, your back covered in one of his tees that skirts your thighs.
He doesn’t mind, for the most part, only finding he struggles with it at night. When you’re sound asleep, soft snores kissing the darkness as he turns over the many ways you could be taken from him.
Ghost sleeps less when he’s home. Most of his REM is collected in the day, sun shimmering through the blinds, your fingers drawing shapes on his shoulders.
Sometimes they’re squares—which means either I love you, or I miss you—and sometimes their triangles. The latter, he’s not sure if they have a meaning. He just draws them back on your knee, watching your lips slide up into your cheek as you try to read your book.
He likes it—the code.
The one he can say down the radio. The one he can draw on your arm when you’re both pressed together in some place in the Middle East.
Which is why it doesn’t surprise him when you shout his name, the front door being kicked shut behind you—a surprise in a carrier bag.
“I know you’re struggling.”
You say it so plainly. Not a hello or how are you, getting straight into it, watching him as he stuffs his hands into the pockets of his joggers.
He says nothing either because there’s little reason to lie. He wears the truth well, the bags under his eyes worse than when he’s sent away on a solo—his need to pin you under him in the morning when sleep hasn’t been wiped from your eyes another tick against your assumption.
Retrieving the item from your bag, you place it on the counter with a tap. His eyes falling from you to them, noticing four magnets.
Nothing impressive, nothing too much. But he knows instantly what they are.
One black circle, one white circle; one green circle, one red circle.
“Naturally, I’m the colourful ones.”
“Naturally,” he snorts.
Moving towards him, you slide a hand over his hip. “They’ll live at the base of the fridge door, and we’ll slide one up—close to the top. When we remember,” you say, looking at him. “Same as the circles. For me, red is—“
“Black.”
Nodding, you try to smile. “Square.”
“Square,” he says back, quickly. Palm cupping your cheek, thumb brushing a line across it.
Wondering, as he always does, how you remain so soft, so kind. How even though you’re haunted too, you still find ways to do things for him—
“Because I love you,” you say, as though reading his mind. “It’s easy because I love you.”
Swallowing, he holds your cheek more firmly, his other hand resting on your hip.
“Y… you don’t have to say it, I’m fine with—“
“I love you. It’s why I worry.”
Rolling your lips, you sigh—soft and small—before you nod. “I know, Simon. But we keep each other safe. Yeah?”
He nods back.
Because you do keep him safe. Not wearing a mark on your skin from him—or asking him to leave one—just in case. Your name on the place the two of you call yours, just in case.
An understanding is known about the future—mainly around rings and names, just in case.
“Which circle are you?”
His lips twitch, a smile wanting to show. “White.”
“Okay, good.” Your finger begins to draw a triangle, his eyes narrowing, your lips rising into a smirk. “Bought something else, too.”
“Yeah?”
Nodding, you lick your lips, eyes widening as you continue to draw it on him. “Wanna go upstairs and… see?”
It hits him only then. The deviousness in your eyes showing.
Triangle means—
“I want you,” you whisper.
He snorts, his laugh dying in his throat, wrapping his fingers around the back of your neck, bringing your lips to his.
Kissing shapes against your lips, unshaded circles, squares, and then triangles.
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miniwheat77 · 9 months
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Give into me. (König x Reader.)
!CW! NSFW, Smut, rough p in v sex, unprotected sex, König manhandling reader a bit, lot of blood and violence, sex pollen, poorly translated german, (sorry if I missed any.)
This is NOT proofread because I am lazyyyyy. Hope you enjoy :)))))
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Your boots make the faintest of sounds as you trek through the forest, it’s dense, the air is cool and it’s humid. It’s something you’ve never experienced before.
You weren’t exactly new to being in the military but you’d had little experience outside of the base considering there wasn’t much war going on as of late, which was a good thing. Until of course another country stuck their nose in business that wasn’t there’s and started one.
You’re in alliance with them, and have to come when they call for you. That’s what friends do.
So here you are, fighting in a war that isn’t yours. In unfamiliar territory. Terrified.
You’re standing close to your Colonel, the massive man is like a shield in front of you. He may be quiet, but he doesn’t hide very easily. He’s a stern man who doesn’t say much. But he offers comfort to you somehow. Being close to him makes you feel better. A whistle leaving his lips has you stopping right in your tracks. Almost running into him. He holds his hand up, motioning for everyone to stop. You don’t know how long you’ve been walking for, or where you’re even going. You’re frozen, and when the first shot rings out, you freeze.
König crouches down from the shots, retreating into the tree line and yelling orders, watching as his soldiers are taken off guard and ambushed. You’re closest to him, finally snapping out of it and jumping out of the line of fire. König grasps hold of your backpack, tugging you into him. “Stay still.” He breathes.
It’s silent.
Your entire group aside from you and König are dead.
You’re staring in shock.
“Konzentriere dich, sieh mich an” he reaches out, holding onto you. “Focus.” He says it again so you understand. “The only way we’re getting out of this alive is to be completely aware of our surroundings.” He breathes. You nod your head. His accent is strong and it makes your head fuzzy. You can hardly focus, ears still buzzing from the gunshots.
Your eyes trail to your mates, who are all dead now. It makes you sick, but this is the harsh truth about the military. You and König manage to slip away unharmed, creeping your way into their base where they are taking refuge. The only way to infiltrate and win is to be quiet and tactical. König’s stealth and ability to stay hidden surprises you. He’s clearly had years of experience. His heart rate stays the same, never elevates. He doesn’t even seem nervous.
Maybe this was the wrong mission for you to come along on. You follow behind him into the building, he’s equipped with a silencer and a knife, which is how he’s killing each of them.
You can’t deny it, and even in the worst time in the world to find someone attractive, he still is. He’s strong and smart. He’s good at what he does.
“Clear.” He mumbles.
You’ve got a knife in your hand. Covered in blood that may or may not be yours anymore. You don’t know. “They’re hiding something here. Time to find out what it is.” He mumbles. You nod your head, following behind him like a lost puppy. You decide you need to stop, show him that you can handle yourself so you branch off. Viewing a couple of the rooms. You don’t see anything, they look just like normal offices to you. Until you step foot into the last one. Your gun is raised, just in case. Pushing the door open. Your eyes widen. “Uh.. Colonel? I think I found what we’re looking for.” You say. He walks in, eyes going wide when he see it.
There are some rats and rabbits in cages, they’re still in tact but there’s something going on. You take a step closer, looking around. Noticing most of the rats have babies in their cages. You look across paperwork, trying to figure out what it is.
König opens up a filing cabinet, it’s full of small silver briefcases. He takes one of them out, opening it up.
There’s 5 small syringes in the briefcases. Bright blue liquid. “Looks like window cleaner.” You smile. Earning an eye roll from him. “You read anything?” He asks. “Reproductive drug.” You nod. He looks confused. “It’s meant to kick your reproductive system into overdrive, meant for people who struggle to conceive. There’s a lot of money in this.” You look at him. He nods. “verrückte Leute” he mumbles under his breath. “What happened to these ones?” He asks. There’s a few rats dead inside of a cage.
“If you don’t.. conceive. You die.” His eyebrows raise, but you can’t see it because of his mask. “Christ..” he mumbles. It’s silent.
Too silent.
A vent being kicked open from above has you both flinching away, hiding behind furniture in the room. You watch above, worried.
You hear the clinking sounds of something falling into the room, landing right in the center. It explodes and blue smoke fills the room. It sends you and König into a coughing fit, exposing you to the drug you’ve just looked at. “Fuck!” He yells. Drawing his gun and firing up into the ceiling. He hears something collapse up above.
“Bleiben Sie sitzen, Sergeant!” He yells. You know what this means, not moving a muscle. You don’t want to die today. Not like the others. Blood begins to drip from the bullet holes in the ceiling, becoming easier to see as the smoke dissipates. König had eliminated your assailant. You stay still, your body starting to feel warm. “Clear.” König says. “For now.” He breathes. He lowers his gun, fastening it back into its holster on his hip. His hands are getting more and more appealing as time passes. Your blood is pumping through you quickly, the only thing on your mind is what he must taste like. What his skin must feel like.
He snaps in front of your face. “Passt auf” his stern voice is enough to make your knees weak. “Sorry Colonel.” You blush, looking down. “We need to find an antidote. Look around.” He says. He’s starting to feel it too, but it’s moving slower through him because of his massive size.
While sifting through papers, your hands are shaky.
The throbbing between your legs is getting harder and harder to ignore and you’re getting distracted. Eyes following König as he sifts through paperwork.
You’re rocking your hips into the chair beneath you, the warmth becoming harder and harder to ignore. “F-fuck-“ you whimper, which draws his eyes to you.
They widen slightly at your appearance. You’ve shed a layer of clothing, all that was left was your shirt and cargo pants. The rest is discarded somewhere in the room. “Are you okay?” He asks. “No- need to find s-something.” A moan leaves your lips. “Anything.” You whimper. Sliding your hips forward again, body begging for some kind of friction. His pupils darken, feeling himself harden in his pants. He needed to find that fucking antidote. Now.
He’s sorting through paperwork, but not finding anything. As he reads across the papers, the only thing going through his mind is the both of you dying at the tail end of a success, he doesn’t want those soldiers dying in vain, for nothing. He stands up, maybe they needed to look in another room. “Come on, wir schauen uns woanders um” he mumbles, pulling you along. The warmth from his hand has your knees buckling again but you catch yourself as he pulls you along. You’ve lost every bit of control you have. You’re seconds away from shedding your pants and relieving the ache between your legs.
He pushes you back into a chair and you tilt your head back, groaning out. König is sweating under his hood, he’s rock hard. He’s desperately searching through paperwork, looking for anything.
Finally, he gets his hands on a paper.
He reads across the paper, but it’s too late.
There are stages to the drug, and you’re both already passed stage 2, which is when the antidote needs to be administered.
It’s fuck or die now.
König sighs. It’s the only choice the both of you have now. “It’s too late.” He breathes. “What?”
“I found the cure but it has to be given sooner. Too late.” He breathes. “So.. what does that mean?” You breathe. “It means.. we give in. oder wir sterben” he breathes. “Fuck..” you whine. You grasp the hem of your shirt, you can’t take it anymore. You need his hands on you. “König, please.” You breathe. “I know you feel it too.” You pant. He moves closer, kneeling down in front of you. “What do you want me to do?” He breathes. “Just..” you reach for his hand, placing it on your own thigh. “Please- fuck me Colonel.” You mewl, pushing your hips forward. He breathes. He chews on his lips nervously. If he does this, there’s no going back.
He pushes his hand up your thigh, higher. Feeling you tense up, pushing your hips closer to him.
“Scheiß drauf” they’re the only words out of his mouth before he closes the distance between the both of you, pulling you down onto the ground and pushing the chair back away from you. He hovers himself over you, tugging his hood off. Right now, he didn’t care. The only thing he cared about was feeling how tight you’d be around him. He tugs his gear off, you start pulling the remainder of your clothes off beneath him as well. Once he’s got himself exposed enough, he’s burying himself into you.
The relief you feel seems impossible, it feels like fireworks are going off in your stomach.
You can’t stay still beneath him, squirming. You can hardly stay quiet.
Despite how desperate he was, König was still on high alert, which is how he managed to hear footsteps. He clamps a hand over your mouth, reaching for his gun. He halts his thrusts for just a second. You rock your hips up into him, he flinches at the pleasure. “Ah- Y/N. Stop it for a second.” When you don’t stop, raising your hips into him over and over for any friction, he groans out. “Verdammt, Liebling” he breathes, just then, a man steps into the doorway. His eyes going wide. “What the fu-“ König pulls the trigger before he can even finish his sentence, throwing his gun down and rocking his hips into yours. He grasps hold of you, lifting you up with him. He stands up straight with you. He backs you up into a wall, holding you steady as he he fucks into you harder. He can’t seem to focus on anything but you. Doesn’t care that he’s just killed a man while he’s buried deep inside of you, and it doesn’t seem like you care much either.
“So desperate.. didn’t even flinch.” He breathes. “dreckiges Mädchen”
He wraps his hands around you, squeezing you tight and holding you still as he rocks his big cock up into your weeping hole. You can’t stay quiet, whining out as he fucks into you. “Colonel, please-“ you whimper. “So so good.”
He bites down onto your shoulder, feeling you tense up in his grasp. Another string of moans leaving your lips. You can’t get enough of him, no matter what.
König feels like he could spend hours inside of you. Rocking his sensitive cock into your hole until neither of you can take anymore. Rubbed raw and sore from the friction. He’s getting close, he can barely handle it. He’s got to make you his. Fill you full of him. He grits his teeth. “Ah! Going to cum-“ he gasps. He sits back into a chair, and you lift yourself up onto him, riding his cock through his high. You wrap your arms around his neck, burying your face into the crook of his neck as you move against him. He cries out, cock twitching hard as he fills you up with his cum. Gasping out at you overstimulating him. You keep riding him, desperate for your own release. He’s sensitive but he’s not the kind of man willing to deny you of an orgasm. Not like this. “Fuck- riding my cock like this.. like a fucking bitch in heat.” He growls. Rocking his hips up into you. Thrusting up as you ride him like your life depends on it.
“Nimm was du willst, I’ll give it to you.” He breathes. A cry leaves your mouth from deep in your throat. One last thrust up from him has you crumbling, sending you spiraling. It’s by far the hardest you’ll ever cum. You raise your hips up once more, sliding back down onto him and halting. Cockwarming him as you sit there, coming down from your high. His hands are still at your hips, gripping you. You’ve still got your head buried into the crook of his neck, panting into him.
When you finally pull away, getting a good look at him, you breathe out. “I’m sorry.” You blush. He smiles. “Nothing to be sorry for. Let’s get the hell out of here, talk later.” He breathes. His English is very blunt, but he’s trying.
You gather up all of your clothing and everything else you’d need, preparing yourselves for exfil. You didn’t know how this was going to work.
As you wait for the exfil chopper, he finally looks at you through his hood. Loving eyes glaring down at you. This mission should’ve never happened. But despite the death toll, despite everything that went wrong. The newfound feelings for your colonel. The baby that was most likely to come from this. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
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transmascissues · 3 months
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12 weeks post-top surgery thoughts
most importantly, i’m absolutely fucking in love with how things look! it’s still not set in stone yet, my surgeon said i won’t really see the final result until up to a year after, but I’m so happy with it already.
my surgeon’s default timeline would’ve had me starting scar tape at 4 weeks, but i still haven’t started yet because some little scabs are still hanging around even though most of my scars are completely healed. my surgeon didn’t seem concerned about it taking longer than expected, she just said everyone’s body is different. given that i have a connective tissue disorder and skin that just hates being messed with at all, i’m not surprised that it’s been slow going and i’m just happy that the rest is healing so well. i just had another post-op today and was cleared to start using scar tape because the scabbing is so minimal at this point, so i can finally move on to the next stage of healing.
i can (mostly) lift my arms now! they still can’t quite go all the way up, but i have enough of my mobility back that the only things i really struggle with are super high shelves like the ones above my fridge, and things like the washer and dryer that i have to reach really far to get into. technically, i was supposed to wait six months before raising them because that’s what my surgeon usually recommends for aesthetic purposes, but i have to be able to raise them to do my job anyway so i’m not limiting myself beyond the natural limits of discomfort at this point.
my chest muscles are mostly back to normal too, but they’re still very sensitive. when i flex them, it doesn’t hurt or feel uncomfortable but i am a lot more aware of the feeling than i was before. they also still tire out more easily than they used to — i’m back at work now, and i’ve learned the hard way that i tend to favor one arm over the other for certain tasks because when i do any of them for too long, i start to feel it in that side of my chest. it’s not anything too bad, but i’m still making sure my shifts are spread out because i don’t want to risk overdoing it.
i’m getting used to touching my own chest, but being touched by other people still feels super weird and honestly uncomfortable at times, particularly when it’s my bare chest and not over my shirt. i’ve been touching it a lot to try to desensitize it since around week 3 or 4, and it seems to be working as far as my own touch, but other people is a whole other story — when my boyfriend is touching my bare chest and their hand touches the scars, it doesn’t actually hurt but i react to it like it does. i suspect it’s more of a mental thing than anything, that since i’m still instinctively protective of it and not quite used to how it feels, touches that i’m not in control of just automatically set off alarm bells. it’s also just a generally foreign feeling even without the weirdness of healing because my boyfriend never really touched my chest before surgery since i was dysphoric about it, so it seems to require desensitization on multiple levels. i’ve given them permission to keep touching it even when i flinch (unless i explicitly ask them to stop) because i want to make sure i start getting used to the feeling.
i’m also still very sensitive to pressure against my chest, especially the front of it. it’s getting easier to lie down on my side now but i’m still using my body pillow to take some pressure off of the scars under my armpits, because if i don’t i usually can only stay in that position for a little while. my boyfriend can mostly lay their head on my chest for short periods of time now, but the position matters because if the weight isn’t distributed evenly enough or if it’s on the wrong part of my chest, it hurts. that being said, less intense pressure on the front like a hug or holding something to my chest is pretty much fine, i’m just still more sensitive to it (as with everything). i’ve been able to lay face down on top of my boyfriend a couple times without discomfort too, but i’m still erring on the side of caution and not laying on my chest too much yet.
when i was around a month in and thought i would be starting scar care soon, i was really nervous about it — particularly about the scar massage — because of the state my chest was in. i still didn’t feel like i could press on it or move the skin around or pick it up with my fingers at all, and the scar tissue underneath was still really thick and firm. i assumed that all of that would stay the same until i did the massages to break down the scar tissue and loosen things up, but i can now confirm after another month and a half of doing nothing while things healed, my skin is naturally a lot more mobile and a lot of that really thick scar tissue has already broken down. obviously i’m still going to start massaging now because i want to give myself the best possible chance of healing well, but i wish i had known how much my chest would be able to bounce back on its own. in hindsight, i’m glad i ended up having to wait to start the massage instead of doing it back when my chest was much less healed, because i’m much more comfortable manipulating it now.
every once in a while, i’ll get sharp pains in my chest. they aren’t horribly painful, mostly just unpleasant. they feel a lot like the nerve zaps i was getting earlier in recovery so it might be another round of nerves reconnecting, but it also happens more often when i’m working so it’s hard to say if it’s nerves or over-exertion. either way, i always make sure to take it easy when i start to feel that, just in case it is a sign of me doing too much.
i typically almost never eat meat, but i chose to reintroduce it into my diet after surgery to get more protein, because i wanted to make sure my body had everything it needs to heal and protein is a huge part of that. now that i’m pretty much all healed skin-wise and just waiting for everything to settle, i’ve decided it’s time to go back to my usual diet of not-fully-vegetarian-but-pretty-damn-close. i’m sure the diet change wasn’t strictly necessary but i don’t regret doing it, though i am glad to be switching back now.
putting on shirts still hasn’t gotten old. seeing how they look over a flat chest honestly feels surreal, but in the best way. hugging people and being able to press all the way into it js also still such a great feeling. i’m far enough in now that i can do all of that stuff without worrying about it, but still early enough that it all feels really new and special, and i’ve been thoroughly enjoying that.
wearing a more genderfucky outfit out in public for the first time post-op was a fucking blast. my boyfriend and i went to a new year’s eve party, and getting to show off my chest through a sheer lace top and my facial hair alongside makeup was so much fun. it was the first time i’ve been able to go all out without the lingering feeling in the back of my mind that dressing up means inevitably being seen as a woman. i definitely didn’t look like a cis man to any of the people who saw me, but they could clearly tell i wasn’t a cis woman at the very least, and knowing that made me so much more confident.
i’m far enough away now from being in the trenches of early recovery that the reality of the fact that i got such a big surgery has started to fade. when i really think about the fact that my body went through all of that and about how hard early recovery was, it doesn’t quite feel real anymore. i’m starting to reach the point one of my friends told me about, where my chest being like this feels so normal that it’s just like “yeah, of course, it’s always been like this, right?” it’s wild, really, the difference a couple months can make — it wasn’t that long ago that i was exhausted and arguably depressed from the early recovery process, and now it all feels so normal that i have to remind myself it took all of that to get here. i never really doubted that it would be worth it in the end, but i’m still more sure of that now than i ever have been.
the last couple months have been a long road, but somehow they’ve also flown by. it’s given me so much appreciation for my body — its potential to transform and what it’s been able to withstand. i wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.
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xxsabitoxx · 10 months
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My Personal Hashira 🍆 Size Ranking
Warning: if it ain’t obvious, this contains smut lmao — therefore Muichiro is 100% not included in this. We’re talking about 🍆, length, girth, all the fun stuff. So if PPs make you uncomfortable keep on scrolling babes </3
A/N: these low key stress me out cause I feel like people can get pretty defensive over these types of Headcanons. Especially if my own thought differs from yours. Regardless, these are just my personal takes/HCs. My word is not law so do not be upset if my HC does not match yours / don’t feel the need to change how you HC these things to fit my POV. This is why I refrain from describing size in my fics, I want y’all to imagine it in a way that you like lololol
Lastly, idgaf if you see some of this as unrealistic, these are fake, fictional drawings of men, if I wanna give Gyomei a 44ft long 🍆, I can and will (I didn’t but you get the point.) Anyways enjoy my personal thoughts on this matter
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1. Himejima Gyomei
Is anyone fucking shocked that this 7’2 (220cm) man is packing the biggest schlong among the male Hashira?
I mean let’s be logical real quick, his dick is as big as the rest of him. This man’s dick is dragging on the floor.
Soft: 11.2
Hard: 12.3
Call it unrealistic idgaf this man is LONG
Girthy too, he’s fucking beefy all over
This man’s dick will feel like he’s shoving his wrist up in there ong bro
It curves downward slightly when hard, I mean shit that thing is heavy, it stands no chance against gravity
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2. Uzui Tengen
Again, the man is 6’6 (198cm).
Height comes into play when it comes to our two tank Hashira
Therefore none of you should be surprised that they are the top two
Soft: 9
Hard: 10.3
Your guts are getting rearranged, he knows the length he has but often underestimates how far he can go…
He’s long but doesn’t have a crazy girth to him, which thank fuck it doesn’t take as much prep to take him
He’s pretty straight when hard and manages to flex it and keep it up (he totally does dick tricks & you can’t convince me otherwise)
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3. Tomioka Giyu
I’m standing by my “big dick Giyu” head canon. I just know this man is packing a weapon down there
What’s crazy is he wasn’t even aware of how good he had it until he overheard other corps members chatting
Soft: 6.3
Hard: 7.4
He’s got a decent girth and as weird as it may sound, it’s pretty, like really pretty to look at
When hard, it curves upwards and stands at attention which makes him a bit embarrassed
He knows how to use it, because of that he’s pretty confident in that aspect which is wild for him
He will also rearrange your guts unintentionally (or intentionally hehe)
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4. Shinazugawa Sanemi
I don’t wanna hear one PEEP from any of you that Sanemi should be above Giyu.
My man is forth on the list but that ain’t mean shit, he’s still got a lot going on down there
Soft: 6
Hard: 7
He’s girthy, will tear you up girth, needs thirty minutes of prep minimum because of how wildly he fucks girth
He sticks straight out, no curve in sight and honestly looks like he defies gravity.
He’s like Tengen, can do dick tricks. But unlike Tengen he doesn’t make that known / show you lmao.
He’ll break your back, he may even hurt you (fully unintentional) if he gets too into it. That thing is fr a weapon
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5. Rengoku Kyojuro
He’s fifth on the list but trust me he’s not lacking
He’s second smallest, but he’s not small, if you get what I mean. It’s kinda like how we rank the Hashira weakest to strongest but regardless they are still the strongest in the corps… that make sense?
Soft: 5.8
Hard: 6.8
He curves upwards, very prominent veins running along his shaft (heh, shaft)
Girth wise, he’s about normal. Not too intimidating but def offers you a good stretch, forgoing prep is real bold tbh
He’s a quick learner so he quickly masters how to fuck you
He will strive to go as far as your body will let him, so expect to be bruised / sore
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6. Iguro Obanai
My king. He may be “smallest” among the Hashira men, but that doesn’t mean shit.
He’s not self conscious of his dick, he knows how to use it. He’s also pretty content with it’s size
Soft: 5.6
Hard: 6.5
See? You can’t come for me cause he ain’t even SMALL
Obanai’s dick is pretty, too. It curves upwards slightly, since he’s pretty pale, his veins are prominent
He’s got an average girth, he doesn’t need to prep you forever to get you ready. Which works in his favor cause he likes to “punish” you with no prep & going in raw
He can and will abuse your cunt, he’s not satisfied until you genuinely can’t walk without limping for a few days
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unbidden-yidden · 6 months
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I have gotten so many messages from folks who see what's happening to Jews right now, how literally any statement from us that isn't straight up "death to Israel!" "tear it down!" "river to the sea!" etc. - no matter how tempered in other ways or critical of the Israeli government it is - anything even mildly supportive of the terrorism victims/their families in their grief and/or Israelis deserving to live is getting dog piled to an absurd degree. And yes, that primarily targets Jews (because we're the ones primarily speaking on it) but it definitely is also hitting anyone not Jewish who says this as well. Immediately, overnight, the left has made any position that respects everyone's human rights and allows Jews room to grieve our murdered and missing family and friends without telling us they deserved to die in terrible ways completely radioactive. Like literally even the most milquetoaste statement attracts numerous hysterical commentators. And because it's so toxic, people are afraid to speak up.
And I've now heard from a lot of gentiles that they had no idea how deep the rot of leftist antisemitism went, how they've been seeing this unfold with horror, and are afraid to speak up.
Here's what I'll say: those messages give me a lot of strength, because they help me remember that I'm not insane, that this is horrendous, and we are seeing in real time exactly who would have helped the Gestapo find us if they were sufficiently convinced that this is "decolonization." That yes, the backlash really *is* that bad. I hear that affirmation and I appreciate it, and I understand your fear, because it was mine too. I myself strongly considered at the beginning not saying anything about this until I could do so without being harassed. (I decided against that because I am physically incapable of shutting up when it pertains to my people, but I understand the sentiment.)
Here's the thing: this is never going to end - those people who take seriously the question "are Jews people?" are going to be the vocal minority unless and until we all speak out. Jews are 2% of the US population and 0.2% of the world's population - there are literally more self-identified Nazis in America than there are Jews. I would honestly be surprised if there weren't more horseshoe theory leftists in the world than Jews also.
That being the case, we really do need our allies to speak up with us. I think if we all spoke up at once, it might be enough to break the silence-taken-as-agreement and shame everyone but the avowed antisemites (rather than the thoughtless and opportunistic ones) back into keeping their antisemitism under wraps. Which does have the effect of bringing the mob under control. Jews have faced a ton of mob violence in the form of pogroms throughout our history and backlash to Jewish victimhood. (Tl;dr - "How dare you make me consider how I might have benefited from or been complicit in hurting Jews? This is actually the fault of the Jews." is a disturbingly common thought process.) (You may also be wondering what I mean by "opportunistic;" I can explain in another post if people are interested.)
I know it's scary. I am well aware that you might lose friends from this. I personally decided that if those "friends" valued Jewish lives so little, they were never my friends to begin with, but it's different for non-Jews. They may genuinely be your friends. I'm not demanding you do this for me or my community, but I am asking you to consider what your line is for your friends. And if you are able to talk to them, to ask them what makes this group different from all other groups in terms of deserving compassion and human rights, it may just help us to quiet the mob.
And, if nothing else, just privately reminding those of us who are speaking about it that we are grounded in reality and compassion helps combat the mass gaslighting going on.
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wonysugar · 5 months
Text
fuck you stupid | ning yizhuo
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synopsis : you thought you’d seen it all with her, but no, she somehow managed to surprise you even further.
pairing : bimbo!ningning x fem!reader
genre : bffs to... fwb?? idk they just fuck,, so obviously smut too! xx
tags : yall got lost help, fingering, degradation, belittling, dumbification, car sex, she's so stupid but she fucks you good so it's okay, very slight cunnilingus, she slaps you like once so impact play!
warnings : none!
word count : 1.6k
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you, y/n l/n, weren’t exactly smart, but you also weren’t exactly stupid. like yeah, you weren’t a genius per se, but it’s not like you were brain dead either. average was the term you always used to describe your intelligence.
you unfortunately couldn’t say the same about ning yizhuo, your best friend. 
you loved her, like that’s your bitch, of course you love her! however, you’d be lying if you said that she was intellectually capable, because she just wasn’t. god, she was just so, so painfully stupid?? clumsy??? careless???? all of the above applied when it came to this woman. not even to be mean or anything of the sorts, just, yknow… natural selection at its finest.
she was aware of that, though, and even thrived in being the self proclaimed bimbo everyone knew and loved. (to which you wholeheartedly agree with, by the way) and honestly? you just couldn’t stop teasing her about it whenever you two hung out. things similar to “stupid hoe” and “dumbass” always escaping your mouth as you two laughed, probably moments after she bumped onto something on the sidewalk whilst spilling all the tea to you. 
in summary, she’s done stupid shit before, but nothing, nothing could ever top what she had done that day.
the day she got the both of you lost in some random parking lot at like, 2 am.
“ning, we’re fucking lost.” you told her, eyebrows furrowed in frustration as you watched her giggle nervously.
she grabbed her cellphone and hovered her finger over the power button, “oh come on y/n don’t be like that, i can just go on google maps and we’ll be out of here in no ti-“
a black screen.
she cleared her throat hesitantly, sighed, then pressed the button again.
nothing.
she kept doing that, giving longer presses to the side of her phone in hopes of a miracle . your patience was running thin and you were quite frankly not far from panicking.
after the 27th-ish try, you finally snapped at her.
“fucking hell ning do you not charge your damn phone??” 
“sorry that i forgot to?” 
oh she had to be joking. 
“girl oh my god what the fuck?? we’ll stay stuck here for only god knows how long and it’s all gonna be because ‘ning yizhuo forgot to charge her phone beforehand’ for fuck’s sake.” you closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose in exasperation. trying to calm down, you ignored ning’s gaze.
her stupid annoying yapping wasn’t helping at all. like, at all.
“oh so we’re once again blaming me, got it. y/n you didn’t even bring your own phone, how do you have the audacity to put the blame on me.” she said back, her eyebrow raised up as she threw her phone down on her skirt, sighing exasperatedly. 
“because someone told me it was her turn to get the aux.”
“where in that sentence did i ever tell you not to bring your phone??”
“god, ning just- just stay quiet. okay? just- please shut up, i’m trying to think. we can’t rely on you for anything.” you told her, exasperated.
in response, she scoffed, “no?? no i won’t, actually. you’re always putting the blame on me and it’s seriously starting to piss me the fuck off. yeah i’m a bimbo, whatever, but does that mean that you have to talk to me like i only have two barely functioning brain cells??” 
“oh please, saying you have two functioning brain cells would be wayy too generous. you’re always doing the stupidest shit out of the two of us. i mean fuck, you literally drove us here, in the middle of nowhere. you’re not a bimbo, you’re just fucking dumb, ning.”
when you looked back at her, she seemed hurt. like, 
a wave of guilt quickly washed over you upon seeing her pained, pained expression. she looked into your eyes, frustration and sadness clearly showing into her own. yeah, she looked pissed. you wanted to apologize almost immediately, and you were going to, 
if she didn’t suddenly press her lips onto yours before you could even get a word out. 
-
how do best friends make up after a fight?
usually, they talk it out, they go out, hug it out then get milkshakes or whatever, hell, sometimes they just go a day or two without talking then eventually forget about it.
this? this was none of that.
since she planted a kiss on your lips, you, instead of doing anything stated above, were fucking.
like, yeahh you were still lost, but at least you were getting your pussy ravaged. the situation could be handled later; when you weren’t drenched.
throwing your head back as you moaned out ning’s name, you were straddling her in the backseat of her car, feeling her two fingers deep inside you and stretching you out. she looked up at you with lustfully hooded eyes as she kissed and left very visible marks all over your neck, all the way down to your collarbone, her free hand fondling your tits, lazily playing with the nipple. 
“f-fuck ning keep going i’m sososo close- fuckfuckfuck..” feeling yourself getting pushed closer to the edge by the friction you felt, you bucked your hips faster onto her digits. the knot tying in your stomach felt like it would’ve snapped any second now, that is,
until she stopped moving her fingers altogether.
frustrated, you whined loudly, “ninggg please let me cum pleaseplease-” 
“oh yeah? so now you wanna rely on me for something, and it’s to make you cum?” she laughed. “fucking slut. i’ll make you cum whenever i want to, got it, bitch?” she added, pressing her thumb on your swollen throbbing clit, smirking condescendingly and watching how pretty you looked when pleasure contorted your face.
you unintentionally clenched at her words, nodding shamefully. it was embarrassing enough having your best friend knuckles deep inside of you, having her call you names and whatnot, but the real embarrassing part? 
enjoying it thoroughly.
she knew this, she knew she had you wrapped around her finger at that moment and oh was it such a power trip for her. seeing you be so needy for her touch, you almost started riding her fingers yourself, too. she was always the one being treated like a dumb bitch, it was nice being on the other side of things, for a change. 
she kept twisting and pulling on your nipple with her free hand as she slowly started to slide her fingers up and down your walls again, giggling and paying close attention to how your body shook and twitched at each and every one of her slow movements. what a sight to see. 
“you like being fucked stupid hm?”
and that’s what she did,
seconds,
minutes,
what felt likes hours,
you were sloppily bouncing and grinding on her fingers, speed ranging from a painful slowness to an overwhelming rapidity. 
you gripped her arms tightly, as if you would fall into some sort of void if you didn’t hold onto her for dear life. resting your head on her shoulder, you whined, losing yourself onto her. her fingers were still pumping in and out of you at that moment, faster than they were before, by the way, so it took you all of your body strength to not just cum right then and there, but you managed to hold back. for her, you held back and took all of it. every minute passing, every single motion feeling like it was threatening to make you go insane. 
“ning pleaseplease let me cum i wanna cum so badly fuck- pleasepleasepleasepleaseee-” you begged, looking down at her with pleading teary eyes.
“fuck, look at you. calling me a dumb bitch all the time, yet here you are, acting oh so stupid for my fingers. such a brainless needy little whore for me, hm? does my idiotic, pretty girl wanna cum?” 
you nodded eagerly as you whined, tears actively running down both of your cheeks, so desperate for release that you quite honestly didn’t care for how ridiculous you looked to her at that moment. you just wanted to cum, so, so, so badly, and you were ready to give up your dignity for it.
the sound of her hand slapping your cheek resonated in the car.
“say it. you know damn well i don’t accept pathetic sounds for an answer.”
“fuck— your idiotic pretty girl wants to cum pleaseee let her–”
she hummed, smirking at your response. incredibly amused by your behavior, she took her fingers out of you, picked you up by placing her hands on your thighs, then gently put you on the empty seat that was next to the one she occupied. upon seeing you sat comfortably, she proceeded to kneel down on the empty space between the front seats and the backseats. y’know,
the ones a grown woman couldn’t possibly fit in?
it’s okay though, like, yeah she would most definitely complain about back pain later, but right now?
she needed to feel you cum all over her tongue.
and that’s exactly what she worked towards, her tongue driven by the scent of your arousal to roam all over your folds and clit, kissing and sucking on every inch of your core as she attentively listened to all the sweet noises that came out of you. it really did not take long before your moans reached octaves you didn’t even know you could achieve before, an overwhelming wave of relief hitting you like a truck. you were 100% sure you would pass out afterwards.
at the end of the day, yeah, you both were still stranded in the middle of some unknown parking lot, but at least, the stress of it all evaporated in the air.
while you were trying to catch your breath, you made a mental note;
never underestimate ning’s intelligence when she was in a bad mood! or, do. depending on if you wanna get fucked stupid that day or not.
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blue-slxt · 10 months
Text
First Heat
🔞Minors Do Not Interact🔞
A/N: Something about a deep animalistic urge to mate just does it for me apparently. All characters are aged up. Hope you enjoy!
Pairing: Neteyam x Avatar!Fem!Reader
Warnings: Explicit smut, p in v, heat, creampie, praise kink
Word Count: 2.7k
Summary: It's your first heat cycle in your avatar body and you beg Neteyam for help.
It’s been about 5 months since you’ve decided to stay in your avatar permanently and live with the na’vi. At only 19 years old, you were the youngest person with an avatar and you took a bit of pride in that fact. Life on Pandora was a far cry from the life you knew on Earth, but in the absolute best way possible. The air was alive with this energy that you could feel at the bottom of your feet flowing through every living thing on the planet. You felt like you were starting to get the hang of how things worked; the customs, the traditions, the hunting, the healing, everything. You enjoyed life here much better.
You loved spending time with the Sully family. Since Jake was originally from Earth too, you enjoyed talking with him and telling his kids all about Earth and watching their ears perk up in amazement. In particular, Neteyam would always ask you questions wanting to know everything there was to know about your first home.
You enjoyed Neteyam’s company. He was a good listener, always very respectful, but he was also a bit of a jokester. You found him charming. Nothing like the men you knew on Earth.
You kept your hut pretty minimal for the most part. Although, there were a few Earth things you decided to keep, mostly a full body mirror. You loved admiring your avatar. They were able to customize it so that even though you had mostly the same build as the na’vi, you still had a lot of the same curves as your human body. It made you feel a little bit embarrassed sometimes wearing the na’vi clothing because it left you feeling extra exposed since it didn’t cover much. Nevertheless, you admired your long, slender legs all the same and strong arms. You sat on the floor of your hut weaving an armband with some beautiful beads that you had collected. Funny enough, the beads looked similar to the ones Neteyam would wear in his braids. And almost as if he had heard your thoughts, the flap to your hut flips open and he walks inside. You were surprised, but not unhappy to see him. Next to no one comes to your hut so you weren’t expecting company. “Hey Neteyam.”
“Hey, we missed you at dinner tonight” he said looking around at your strangely decorated home.
“Yea, sorry, I guess I got a little lost in my thoughts” you admit.
His eyes wander around looking at the Earth items littered through your hut, tail flicking back and forth with curiosity. His eyes finally land on the mirror and you can see the intrigue written all across his body language. He stares at himself moving this way and the other looking at his movements matched by his reflection. You wander up behind him and look in the mirror with him giggling to yourself a bit. “Pretty neat huh?”
He grins to himself clearly pleased with his appearance. “I have never seen myself so clearly. At most, I get a blurry glimpse in the water.”
It was fun to watch him watch himself. And you couldn’t help yourself from noticing him too. You became acutely aware of his slender muscles and the way his braids fell around his neck and the stripes along his body. He was a handsome man, there was no two ways about it. Your tail is brushing back and forth along the floor and your body lets out a soft purr. You feel your face flush deeply as Neteyam makes eye contact with you in the mirror. You cannot believe that the body you loved so much would betray you in such a way. “Sorry! I have no idea where that came from. I’ve never done that before. And you know I’m still kinda getting used to things and—” you try to explain away the sound and he turns around to actually face you. His head cocks to the side listening to your ramblings while a knowing smirk plays on his lips. God, his lips looked soft. Have they always looked so soft? And…inviting? ‘Stop it!’ what were you thinking? What has gotten into you? You have never acted this way before so why now?
You excuse yourself to go and sit cross-legged on your sleeping mat across the floor. Suddenly, it feels very hot in your hut. Strange, since it was getting late and it usually cools off around now, but you feel like you’re about to start sweating. Neteyam walks over to you and crouches in front of you. His big golden eyes scan your face. His stare is scorching, and you dip your head down to avoid his burning eyes, but his fingers find your chin and lift your face to look at him. He takes in a big breath, and you notice a flash of realization come across his face for a split second. If you blinked, you would’ve missed it. His eyes drop from your eyes to your lips and his thumb traces across your bottom lip, “Tell me, how much do you know about heat cycles?” his voice was low and for some reason it made you hot at your core.
“What is a heat cycle?” you question feeling like your body is burning up and your mind is going fuzzy. It’s all you can do just to focus on the conversation.
Neteyam chuckles to himself. He realized that this must be your first heat. When he came over to you, he could smell your pheromones radiating off you and clouding his senses. You smelled of fresh rainwater and exotic flora. It drove him mad with desire. He could notice your breathing speeding up and your eyes starting to cloud.
With how you look right now, it makes him want nothing more than to ravage you, but he was too much of a gentleman to take advantage of you in such a state. No matter how painfully hard he was right now looking at you.
He drops his hand from your chin and pats the top of your head instead. “You still have so much to learn.” He sighs, “Your heat will come every month, it’s basically your body’s um…need to…seek out a mate” he did his best to explain, but truthfully he wasn’t very good at it since his mother or sister usually handled this kind of thing.
You managed to register the information he was giving you, but it did nothing to quell the feeling growing inside of you. There was this deep ravenous hunger you felt, but not in your stomach. It was growing so strong, it was getting painful. You sit up on your knees and crouch over holding yourself. Neteyam rubs his hand up and down your back and his fingers feel like fire on your spine. You jolt under his touch wanting to lean more into it. “I hear the Tsahik has certain herbs that you can take that can help ease you through the next few days.”
Days? You would have to endure this feeling for days? You weren’t sure you would last even through the night. Neteyam moves to go leave your hut and get the herbs, but the sudden loss of his touch leaves you feeling needy and without any thought behind it, you reach out and grab his wrist to stop him from leaving you. He looks back down at you in surprise. You can barely hold yourself up on the floor. “Please…please Neteyam…don’t leave me.” You couldn’t believe what you were saying. It was like your lips suddenly had free will apart from your brain. Neteyam couldn’t help but notice how desperate you looked. Despite his better judgement, he bent down and scooped you up into his arms bridal style. The gesture makes your heart skip several beats. You knew he was strong, but something in the way that he picked you up and held you as if you weighed nothing did something to you. You rested your head in the crook of his neck and you breathed in his scent. You’ve never noticed how good he smells. He smells Earthy. It makes you feel…feral.
Neteyam tries to ignore your breath on his neck and hold his composure while he carries you back over to your mat. He lays you down gently on your back and sits cross-legged beside you. He’s stopped touching you and that painful feeling comes back. Your thighs rub together desperate for some kind of friction to hopefully relieve the ache you feel. Your hands roam up and down your own body needing touch. You turn your head to look at Neteyam as he watches you clearly concerned at your current state and the fact that he doesn’t know how to help you. Your eyes catch movement down at his loincloth and it’s practically calling your name.
“Neteyam..n-need you t-to help me…please” you moan out with your hands resting underneath your top.
“I want to help, but I don’t know what you need”, he touches your shoulder eyes full of worry. You trail your eyes down to between his legs and look back up at him. It clicks. His face and ears blush a deep violet color. “Oh, I can’t do that, I shouldn’t be the one to do that. That should be something for your mate.”
“B-but I…don’t have one” the pain is getting worse and your vision is blurring. You’ve decided there’s no point in trying to fight it anymore and let yourself succumb to the lusty haze in your head. “Please ‘Teyam, I need you” you beg him. There was no denying that hearing his name dance across your tongue was enticing to him. Soon, Neteyam found himself wanting to give in too. Watching you writing in lustful agony in front of him was too much for him to bear. He ponders on it for a moment before letting himself give in to you. “Fine.”
You felt such relief wash over you once he agreed to help you. You untied the strings to your top and let it fall off to the side on the floor. Neteyam froze in the middle of untying his own loincloth at the sight of your breasts which were noticeably larger and more shapely than typical na’vi. You hurriedly shimmy out of your own cloth and flip over to your stomach. You hold your hips up into the air on your knees with your face still on the floor. You can feel something warm running down the length of your thigh and you surprise even yourself with how wet you are. Neteyam is stuck in awe seeing you like this. Without the loincloth in the way, he can smell your pheromones even more clearly and it makes him lick his lips in anticipation. Unable to wait one more second, your tail drags along Neteyam’s jaw and pulls him closer to you until you can feel the tip touching your opening. Your body purrs in waiting and that drives Neteyam mad. He slides in you inch by inch letting you get used to the stretch and every inch feels like a jolt of electricity throughout your body. By the time he’s all the way in, you swear you could cum right then and there. Your body can’t even wait for him to start moving so you start to throw your hips back into him giving your body the friction that you were craving. Neteyam holds on to your hips to steady himself and he squeezes his eyes closed trying to focus on not cumming inside of you so soon. Once he gets ahold of himself, he bucks his hips forward into you finally matching your movements. He opens his eyes and the sight of your ass falling back onto his dick over and over again makes him let out a low groan. He felt the need to have you completely. He wanted to be the only one to ever see you like this. The only one to ever touch you like this. The only one to make you feel like this.
All the pain is gone from your core leaving behind pure ecstasy. You’ve never felt need like this. You turn your face to the side so that you can look back at Neteyam hearing the constant smack of your hips against his. Neteyam looks down at your face and what a sight you were. Tongue hanging out while you moan and pant with every thrust, eyes nearly crossing unable to focus, a string of drool falling from the corner of you perfectly full lips, and your hair an absolute mess. “You’ve never looked more gorgeous than right now.”
His words of praise make your ears feel hot as his words dance around them. You needed that. “More. More please Neteyam.” You plead trying to focus your vision on his face, but it was no use. Your body wouldn’t listen to you.
Hearing you beg for more praise makes Neteyam feel this sense of pleasure that he didn’t know he could feel. He wanted to shower you with the sweetest of words like rain. “You feel so good.” His grip on your hips tightens. “Fuck, you make me want to give you everything.”
“Oh shit, Neteyam..I’m almost there!” you practically scream as you feel the pressure building in your body. Neteyam is close too, but he’s going to make sure that you get yours first. He grabs your wrists and holds them behind your back with one hand and he pulls you up so that your back meets his chest. The angle makes it so that he’s hitting exactly where your soft spot is. His free hand comes around the front of your body to grope one of your breasts. You catch a glimpse of the sight in the mirror across the room and it’s so lewd, but so…hot. It’s enough to get you to that sweet release you were chasing and you let it out all over Neteyam.
“Oh fuck, that is hot” he says admiring the mess you made on him. Between the sounds of your sweet moans and your walls still clenching around him from your orgasm, it’s exactly what he needs to get there. “I’m almost there. Should I take it out?” he asks you trying to be respectful, but the thought of him pulling out of you now damn near makes you panic. “No! Please don’t take it out!” You tell him. “B-but if I don’t then—” you cut him off. “I know, but I need it Neteyam. I need this” you practically have tears in your eyes at this point. Neteyam can’t hold it off any longer. ‘Fuck it’. He thrusts into you harder than before and releases inside of you. It feels thick and burning hot, but it satiates the aching hunger you felt earlier.
Neteyam releases his hold on you and you fall limp onto the floor. “Are you okay?” he asks making sure you’re not hurt. You squeak out a weak ‘mhm’ and lay there catching your breath. You feel him start to slide out of you slowly and your tail instinctively wraps around his thigh begging him to leave it in for a little while longer. You’re afraid that the pain will come again if he leaves you. He sighs and carefully lays down next to you being sure not to let himself come out of you yet wrapping one arm around your waist. He waits until you fall asleep before pulling out of you. Even in your sleep, your body can recognize the sudden emptiness and it makes you flinch. Your eyes flutter open to see his face studying yours. “Sorry ‘Teyam.” You say above a whisper feeling ashamed and embarrassed about what you asked of him. He brings one hand up to cup your face and lightly kisses your forehead, “Don’t be.”
“I do have to get home, though. If I stay here too long, your pheromones will drive me to do something crazy again.” He states.
You snake your tail around his waist holding him in place and you ask, “Would that be such a bad thing?” looking up into his eyes.
And you can feel him stiffen again at your suggestion. This was going to be a long couple of days.
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astroboots · 10 months
Text
Every You Every Me #Issue 5
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COLLABORATED WITH @thirstworldproblemss
Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x female reader
Summary: You finally catch Spiderman in your bed and try to get answers to the many many questions you have.
Word count: 3,200 words.
Content: Awkward one bed shenanigans, teensy bits of angst
Series Masterlist | Spiderverse Masterlist | Astroboot’s Masterlist | thirstworldproblemss' Masterlist
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You wake to the glare of the morning sun spilling through the curtains.
Your first waking thought is that it. is. so. bright. God, why is it so fucking bright.
Your second thought is that you need to pee. 
There is no third. Because your bladder is killing you. 
There's just one not-so-small problem, and he's lying on top of you, in the same position he fell asleep in last night. Wrapped all around you, clinging on like you're a soft comfort blankie he refused to be weaned off of.
It's not... unpleasant, exactly (your need to pee aside).
For such a large man, being trapped underneath him is more comfortable than you might have expected. He's heavy, sure, but the pressure feels more like a weighted blanket with the way he's draped across your body, arms curled around your waist and back. 
It helps that the sheer size disparity means that you're too small of a surface area for his whole body to cover and most of his weight rests on the mattress. 
Rather than suffocating, it’s almost… cozy.
It must be really early in the morning, because your room is nearly silent. You can’t hear the familiar New York traffic. The noise of honking cars, angry shouting people and screaming cop sirens outside of your window. Instead, in the quiet of the morning the only noise you hear is the sound of his soft snoring against your collarbone.
Before today, you never knew superheroes snore. It’s not the sort of mundane thing you ever think about superheroes doing.
You stare up at him for a minute, soft skin and long lashes fluttering across his cheeks, marveling that he looks so... human. 
Which of course he does. The observation shouldn’t really surprise you. For all the fantastical mythos that surrounds them, at the end of the day, most superheroes are human beings. 
…Unless you're talking about Thor, of course, who’s an actual Viking God. And maybe not Hulk either, because... well... look at him. He’s all green and roided out, you don’t know what he is but he’s certainly not human. And then there’s– Okay, you know what, now that you actually think about it, a lot of superheroes are not human at all.
Maybe that’s why last night took you so much by surprise. You always thought they were invincible. You’d never guess that a slice of coffee cake could bring one down, collapsing as easily like a poorly built house of cards.  
Even more surprised when he’d held onto you, pleading for you to stay. 
When you see the Avengers plastered on the front cover of every newspaper, they look larger than life. When you see Captain America and his star-spangled shield sparkling in the centerfold of the Times, you never really stop to consider, what’s he like when the mask comes off.
In some abstract way, you were aware that superheroes have lives beyond just superheroing. You just never thought about the fact that a lot of them probably have families at home that they worry about. Friends that they care for. People they miss. 
Nena
He'd said.
The person he mistook you for last night.
Something squeezes uncomfortably tight in your chest just remembering the tone in his voice when he said it.
Something is going on here. It's clear to you now even more so than before, that this man doesn’t just keep saving you out of sheer coincidence. There’s a mystery here that’s all tied together in an interconnected web somehow and you're pretty sure it has to do with this Nena person. She is most likely the answer to why your whole life has been upended in the last few months. 
You need to find out what is going on and now that he's physically here, right in front of you, as soon as he wakes you can finally ask him and get some answers that are long overdue. 
You just really need to fucking pee first.
Gingerly, you wedge an arm between your chest and his. You attempt to slowly and carefully pry open the stranglehold he has on you, hoping to scoot up and out of his arms.
He grunts in reply, still soundly asleep, and his arms tighten their hold on you, pulling you back into him as he burrows his face into your chest.
"Five more minutes," he grumbles, voice raspy with sleep. "Nena, it's too early."
There it is again, that nickname. You freeze, holding as still as possible, feeling your heart skip a beat at the tone of his voice as he said it. It’s said with so much fondness and hints at so much familiarity each time he has said it. 
You don't know what you're meant to do in this situation. Except you clearly can’t let him go on thinking you’re… whoever it is that he thinks you are for much longer.
There are the muddy moral implications of allowing this to go on any further after all, considering that the man probably has no idea where he is after you practically roofied him with baked goods.
You also still really need to go pee already.
He shifts against you, one thick, heavy thigh wrapping over your leg and pulling you in further before coming to a rest directly on top of your bladder. Okay, fuck, you take back what you said about this not being unpleasant. This is really, really unpleasant. 
You need him to get up now. 
Forcing your hand free, you reach up to give him a polite tap on the shoulder. When polite doesn’t get you any results, you do it harder, three successive taps, and he still doesn’t even stir. You keep tapping, progressively harder until you’re punching him hard enough that any normal person would be yelping in pain and begging you to stop. 
He groans once, arms shifting to secure his hold on you. For a moment you think he’s going to ask for another ‘five minutes,’ but then the whole of his body goes stiff, every muscle suddenly rigid with tension. A suspended silence permeates the space, and you find yourself holding your breath unsure of what to do next. The silence is broken by the sound of your bedsheets shifting, and you feel the firm hold around your waist ease off, his arms and legs retreating from your body. 
He's up and out of bed in one smooth move, almost faster than you can follow. By the time you struggle upright in bed (much less gracefully) he's already standing a few feet away, hands fisted at his sides. 
“Sorry,” he says, looking at you and then off to the side like he can’t quite bring himself to meet your eyes, a bright flush burning high on his cheeks, “I… uh… I thought you were someone else."
His hulking frame towers over your bed, but he’s acting like a sulky, embarrassed little boy. The contrast should be absurd, but instead you find it… strangely endearing. Apparently even a high and mighty superhero can be brought low by an awkward situation, just like everyone else.
"It's okay. You didn't... um... do anything weird or anything," you say, trying to reassure him, but you can't concentrate on your words when your bladder is screaming bloody murder, "Look, can you give me a second? Just– shit. Just stay right there, okay? I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere!" you admonish him, throwing the words over your shoulder as you rush past him and into the bathroom
You nearly break your tailbone with how fast you sit down on the toilet seat, hoping to get your business done as quickly as possible and praying the whole 15 seconds that you’re gone that he won’t make a break for it and still be there when you get back. 
Thankfully, when you nearly tear the bathroom door from its hinges, he is.
The first sight that greets you is his broad and defined back framed by the amber light pouring in from your window frame. It makes for a dramatic image. Golden and majestic, he seems to occupy half the space in your tiny apartment as he stands turned away from you, apparently taking in the view from your one and only window. 
The first thing he says to you as he opens your mouth is not, ‘good morning.’ There's no ‘sorry for almost drunkenly smothering you to death last night,’ ‘how did you sleep with my hulk sized body on top of you’ or even a 'thanks for letting me sleep on your bed.' 
No. Rude, knock off, maybe-vampire Spiderman, who still hasn't told you his name, slowly turns back towards you and takes one look at your face. Then he says, "I have to go."
Which, of course that’s what he’d say and do. Of course. You’re nearly growling with frustration as you run up to him.   
"Wait!" you shout, darting around to block his path as you try to lead him back further into your apartment. "Do you want some breakfast?" 
You still don't know him very well yet, but your few interactions so far have shown you that the way to break through his grumpy defenses is through his stomach.
"I can fix you up something. I’ve got some eggs in the fridge, and I can do scrambled or fried. Maybe over-easy, though I sometimes mess up the timing.” 
You’re rambling on purpose. Speaking as fast as you can, as you continue to pull him towards your kitchen. You’re making sure he can’t get a word in edgewise, so that he doesn’t have a chance to protest before the food is in his stomach, and by then he’ll surely eat the whole thing before he starts getting sassy with you again. By then you’ll hopefully be able to sneak in one or two questions between mouthfuls. 
He shakes his head, "No, I–I have to go... I wasn't supposed to..."
Not a fan of eggs, you note. It makes sense, so far the only thing you've ever seen him eat is baked goods, probably has a sweet tooth.
"I could make you pancakes? I won't even put coffee in them, I promise," you tease gently, hoping the humor might pull a smile from him.
It doesn't. If anything, his eyes look even sadder.
He stops mid-step, and no matter how much of your weight you put in trying to herd and push him towards your kitchen, he won’t budge an inch. You’d have more success moving a bull by its horns, and considering he’s bigger built than one, that tracks. 
There’s no strain in his features, as he stays still, resistant to your efforts. "This is a mistake,” he says. “I should never have gotten involved."
He's moving again, this time away from you, stepping towards the window. Shit, he's going to make a run for it.
In the course of the last 24 hours you've managed to leap off the Chrysler building; poison the superhero standing in front of you; slept with him in the same bed; and yet somehow, through all of this, you still haven't managed to do the one thing you actually wanted: have a simple conversation with him.
"Wait, wait!" you shout out, panicky. "Can we just talk for a second? I really need to talk to you. I just want some answers.”
"I don't have any answers for you," he says. 
He's turned his back again, one hand on the window sill as he's preparing to climb onto it. If you let him leap off it now, you don’t know when your next chance will be to catch him again. 
"I'm not going to stop trying," you shout out in a last desperate attempt and that finally stops him in his tracks. 
“I’m gonna be leaving,” he says with a finality in his words. 
It doesn’t stop you though, doesn’t even discourage you. He might be stubborn, but you can give him a run for his money, because this is your life on the line.  
“Then I’ll run after you. I’ll keep chasing after you. I'll keep asking, and asking, and asking. I'm not going to stop until you give me some answers."
There’s a silence between you again. Then he straightens his posture, and turns his head just far enough that you can catch his eyes. Whatever uncertainty was there before fades away as you see the resolve in his eyes harden.
"You're never going to see me again."
There's an ugly noise. A scratch over the vinyl of a record screeching in your brain that makes you unable to comprehend his words. You have to replay them in your mind, parsing them out, before you realize what he's actually telling you.
“Wait, what do you mean never see you again!?” you step forward towards the window sill, and he visibly retreats at your advance. “As in, you're going to back to avoiding me? It’s kind of late for that, isn't it? I've seen your face... twice. We’ve slept together!"
"No," he answers brusquely, brows pulled in at a sharp angle. “I'm leaving the… area. I'm not going to be around anymore."
“But you’ll be back… right?” you ask. Some corner of your brain refuses to accept what you think he’s telling you. 
With a graceful movement, he leaps back down from the window sill, taking a step forward and leaning in until he’s looming over you, his face inches from your own. 
“No,” he repeats, emphasizing the word.
Oh… 
His words finally click. It took a few attempts for the stubborn gear in your brain to unjam, but you finally hear what he’s been trying repeatedly to tell you.
He’s leaving for good. He’s not coming back. 
You… You don’t know how you feel. Your cheeks are strangely numb. Somehow the idea that he might not be around indefinitely had never occurred to you. You’ve grown accustomed to the safe haven he’s provided. Come to rely on him and the familiar safety of his shadow lurking around every corner, the blurred blue and red rescuing you from this crazy world trying to kill you. 
A flash of cold sweat breaks out along your back. His presence is your only anchor to safety. If he’s not here… 
"But– but– if you leave…” You trail off, barely able to imagine it.
All the near-misses flash through your mind. The taco truck stampeding through the city, the subway train barrelling towards you, construction sites crashing down right above your head. So many deaths held at bay by the one man in front of you, and if he leaves… If he’s gone…
You can barely choke out the next words, your voice a strangled whisper, “...what’s going to happen to me?”
A flash of anguish breaks through his stony features before he turns away, dropping his gaze to his feet. Pained sadness bleeds into those crimson eyes, something that speaks of guilt, loss and defeat. 
"I’m sorry," he says quietly, "I can't save you. I never could. Nothing can."
And what can you say to that? You can’t force him to do more for you than he already has. He’s done a lot—much more than anyone has to, superhero or not, and you know that—and it’s selfish of you to ask more.
You swallow down the anxiety crawling up your throat and it tastes like burnt bile. 
Anyone would be lucky to have a superhero save them from certain death even once in their lifetime, and somehow you've been blessed with more times than you can count. 
In fact, you’ve been spoiled rotten, managing to escape death so many times that you've grown almost… complacent about it. Expecting him to rescue you, when really you've been living on borrowed time for months now, winning one lottery ticket after another. You've had more extra time than anyone could ever wish for.
In front of you, you see him moving again. If you let him go like this, then this is it. This is where it all ends. Without him, it’s only a matter of time before death catches up with you again—for good this time.
You shake your head, refusing the defeat. It may be selfish, greedy even, but this is your life and you can’t let it end here.
You don’t want to die. You made a promise to yourself when you fell out of the Chrysler building for the first time. 
You want to live. You want to live. You want to live. 
"Wait! Please..." You grab onto his hand, and even though you have no doubt he could break free from your desperate grip with very little effort, he stops for you.
"I don't know what's going on! Every day I walk out that door, and almost die again and again and again. I'm scared and confused, and it seems like the universe is hellbent on killing me, and you're the only clue I've got as to why. The only reason I'm still alive is because you keep saving me. I know that it’s selfish to ask you this, because you don’t owe me anything. But…” 
You pause, drawing in a deep breath, and say the words with your whole chest, “I want to live!”
He doesn’t quite flinch, but the hand at his side twitches and then he’s reaching up to you. So close, you can almost feel his knuckles grace the side of your cheek. Then he stops, a fraction of an inch from your face. 
He tilts his head to the side, like he’s listening to something you can’t hear.
Must be some other emergency your unfriendly neighborhood Spider-man needs to be on his way to. You try to push down the unexpected envy boiling in your stomach at the thought. 
Although… now that you’re listening, you can hear something too. Something like the low hum of a helicopter, growing louder all the time. 
Must be a police chopper. Traffic ‘copters aren’t allowed to fly so low.
Abruptly, the light flees your apartment. Shadow sweeps across your window and covers everything in pitched darkness. 
A blackout? But it's morning, even if the power went out, the sun should still be–
You feel it before you see it in the dark, a tight grip on your wrist pulling you. His arm slams across your waist, yanking you backwards.
The world lurches around you, receding with a deafening roar of collapsing concrete and shrieking metal. The last thing you see is the wall of your apartment disappearing in a cloud of dust and twisted metal.
Your stomach drops sickeningly. Bright light flashes across your vision in intense rainbow-colored bursts. Pink. Red. Green. Blue. You have to close your eyes as wind whips mercilessly against your cheeks, loud impossible roaring in your ears.
Is this death? Somehow you thought it would be quieter. Calm.
Still.
And then it is. Everything stops, and when you finally dare open your eyes again, there’s…
Nothing.
~ Next Issue
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Dedication & Credits: To my lovely collaborator @thirstworldproblemss who is always staying up brainstorming with me, listen to my insane ramblings, plotting each scene in the outlines and helping me beta and edit and even rewrite large chunks of paragraphs I'm unhappy with til the very last minute. Truly my favorite person in all of the lands. I love you!!
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